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ptsd,mvtaphor,2020/01/01,"Just got diagnosed I ended my 2019 crying in a therapist’s office and getting diagnosed with cPTSD after being raised in an emotionally abusive / narcissistic household. 

I am currently at a loss. I’m looking for therapists in my area but none have called back. I have no clue what this diagnosis really means.

I guess 2020 will be all about healing but this is truly not where I expected life to go. 

This year I’ll probably be dropping out of college and moving to a cheaper town so I can try and build a life for myself. I probably won’t be speaking to multiple family members anymore and never coming back to my hometown. So there’s lots of change and things up in the air. 

I guess this is a rant or something but any sort of advice/ encouragement would be appreciated because I’ve got no clue really where to go from here.",4.295573294629897,6.260999283018871,5.8038993710691855,75.2358635703919,71.8930817610063,9.16903725205612,30.469762941461052,9.661875296680813,3.198223609095308,662,29,117,17,13,224,106,159,0.095,0.831,0.073,-0.1128,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,7,0,14,5,0,0,2,23,25,11,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,2,2,12,1,21,15,3,24,0,1,1,0,3,12,0,5,7,85,18,1,0.0,0.17260323403690633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235372195694598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990652466086048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447228065336584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403299558792894,0.0,0.08880324948389616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875234119239594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410678056218938,0.12548769847112734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001916818066264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29571785206487017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386683732901713,0.1290264409809136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733115975778734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611013626168497,0.0,0.16558301048672858,0.0,0.2330221534127779,0.0,0.3209589258199029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579172040489935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233185587239928,0.0,0.0,0.1238492398360222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868478528797647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483142638431674,0.0,0.0,0.11235495962875684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141285447628905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866486278264768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214914848703728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382840783474669,0.09678121935340332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989050118180853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103484647397361,0.0,0.0,0.09381110869743854
ptsd,peanutbutthurtjelly,2020/01/01,"I hate who I am now I was nice. I was kind. I was sweet. I was a lovely person then. Now I am angry and bitter and shitty and I hate it. 

I don’t know why I’m so angry. Where did this anger come from? The assholes who hurt me will never see me again. So why do I punish the only people who have ever loved me? 

I’m going back to therapy this year. I was emotionally abused by a therapist for years and I haven’t been able to muster the courage to go back. Sucks that one really shitty person ruined medicine for me. Really fucking sucks. 

But i’m not going to let him win. I promise.",-1.1524977777777785,0.9179360480000014,1.7503333333333335,94.88238888888893,96.52,4.377777777777778,13.344444444444445,6.139981653823899,-0.7519688888888889,446,8,101,5,18,155,73,125,0.324,0.512,0.16399999999999998,-0.9791,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,18,8,0,5,0,15,3,0,0,2,10,31,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,10,0,1,7,3,18,8,8,22,0,15,0,2,1,3,8,1,3,0,10,71,25,0,0.16417206457029507,0.19451705090113625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524763678355716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414196968392576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467147568579795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850303143190838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177442826183327,0.0,0.0,0.2799083029260341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241718502313144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574959060990333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709599417720115,0.09022467321742936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787705902080835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963433959600749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661961708335626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124723975925817,0.12486025298226924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138162383823359,0.28669742874210635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034565685940124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082388003367176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774506357343207,0.19061642052688388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962795058870905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144285398140208
ptsd,demiurgeshadow,2020/01/01,"Anger control. Ill spare my personal testimony and dive right into thr point. I will,however, state that i have been diagnosed by a clinical professional as having ptsd. I was hesitant to post cause im kinda a recluse. Ive dealt with sadness and even anxiety mostly. But anger is new to me. I feel out of control when im angry. And the littlest most insignificant thing can fester into a boiling pot of rage or just instant explosions. Recently i had a really bad episode, so bad i bruised my inner thigh yellow and now my blood circulation to that leg feels worse. If a bloodclot eventually gets me than so be it but my main concern as of now is how it may affect my relationships and even moods of the few family memebers i have. Im worried i may have an outburst and say something i regret and ive also noticed that it tends to put everyone else around me on edge as well which isnt fair to them. Ive looked up tips but everything seems to suggest advice for what to do after you RECOGNIZE you are angry, which is not so easy when in an episode. 

So tl;dr Does anyone know of any good ways to even remember to do these anager managenent techniques and/or other suggestion.",3.5669213973799074,5.673758388646292,5.106941048034937,78.8420709606987,74.28384279475982,8.597467248908298,28.48056768558952,9.255337874911486,2.721405065502184,937,39,173,23,20,315,151,229,0.17800000000000002,0.795,0.027000000000000003,-0.9826,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,1,2,16,10,3,0,9,0,21,7,3,5,0,35,28,23,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,12,12,1,2,5,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,3,5,23,2,29,22,4,21,0,2,2,0,8,10,0,8,7,123,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413937849245422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977536124588587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334881046734413,0.0,0.10501174043319082,0.0,0.0,0.09598289316627373,0.0,0.0,0.12220006175642463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292306683251016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101486302580973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079216147310205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932691165286976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012654969351858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467208913858988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719980875711606,0.0,0.0,0.1311680747529333,0.12337008991375925,0.0,0.12940663696260085,0.0,0.13881642141544487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171829604993528,0.0,0.0,0.11513618401134053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448278651847608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544040880692039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527284914626312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257693615553015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628364740323006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985951545690543,0.0,0.0,0.12976521919808784,0.0,0.1314674238575043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046214930493094,0.1379950082112848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793915111220364,0.0,0.1355382953616253,0.14737740270348018,0.1555009891769343,0.11722846199209673,0.0,0.10916320215416037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496612623864027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567772215368552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119658014796254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895912404696242,0.0,0.0,0.12342288088333725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940509982957755,0.13989061150697416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,polkadotcroc,2020/01/01,"Door slamming and other ""angry"" noises A few weeks ago I moved into a house already occupied by a couple, and was told it would be quiet-- but it isn't.  My flatmates are nice, but they are rough on the house and there is constant door slamming, stomping, yelling to each other, random people in and out. I thought I was way past this, but I guess I hadn't been back in an environment like this since my last traumatic incident. I don't know how to calm myself with the constant noise. I have just noticed lately that I am holding so much tension in my body and there is this heaviness in my stomach. I plan to move, but obviously cannot do so so soon after moving in. I just don't know how to make myself comfortable. It makes me feel like I am back at home and someone is storming around waiting to explode, or barge in and start screaming at me. The ""anger"" I hear in these noises has completely coloured my perception of other things they do and I have to remind myself that someone making a mess, or not being extra friendly is NOT a sign of aggression.",5.432644230769231,5.89766351442308,5.910576923076924,81.18442307692307,67.70192307692308,8.323076923076924,31.384615384615394,8.139509932561175,2.226209615384615,833,32,159,10,13,269,121,208,0.087,0.8190000000000001,0.094,0.1084,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,2,1,13,11,2,1,9,0,24,2,2,5,1,40,36,19,0,1,10,0,2,2,1,1,0,4,3,0,13,13,0,2,5,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,6,7,25,6,24,27,4,29,0,0,1,0,5,13,0,4,14,127,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188490349274594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517339841726975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240359911929595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114570706702968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273081336242472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416548313854227,0.29717596290173937,0.0,0.0,0.1521404478918795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952381755739186,0.09822958403037148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623167934875864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514710680925667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549717935975815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792308843064774,0.0,0.0,0.3173116453351316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113212586429162,0.11208034590981923,0.1551052888777662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435050270729826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753457101061121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384202396394068,0.10107786465118804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654395464853876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125871590057456,0.09532475680541733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374090741871253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23300555572096698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732276835887832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134847787337616,0.0,0.0,0.10915914831757384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138654930723706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914060720213052,0.11029370822266167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976756139896634,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JohnnyTheLad,2020/01/01,"Hey First of all  you're all weak. PTSD is a joke. Almost laughable as 9/11 and The Holocaust being real. You're all actors.

You're all failures and should've been aborted! You waste of space lame ass virgins. None of you all could ever have your own place cause you're all too slobbish and would be kicked out for your pure incompetence and lack of life . Literally you're gonna die forgotten. 

You should be ashamed of this faked, photoshopped, filtered, embellished Aussie 'crisis' made possible by movies such as Mad Max and hired actors. At least the vegans will be happy cause all the extinct animals means people won't be eating meat but the grass is gone... If this fire was real, the best thing would be to throw all the refugees, foreigners, disabled, gays and trannies into the fire and have a Great Purge",4.526614372469638,6.774121388157897,4.030526315789476,86.99099190283405,71.96052631578948,7.045344129554657,24.8502024291498,7.882392219407189,1.3291643724696347,649,20,121,9,13,194,102,152,0.179,0.73,0.091,-0.7928,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,5,0,2,3,9,1,1,9,0,18,6,1,3,10,33,22,11,2,6,2,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,1,3,0,2,2,5,0,1,4,2,5,4,13,5,13,9,0,1,0,3,6,5,1,2,2,74,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126525805900926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044936900210253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924322512777905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250301965049534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823442424225468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544716994867006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727761692690895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246989468272993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105851634543904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332979999560102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349134262174718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180734816641115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080618989885764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324197457702012,0.0,0.1995609710026599,0.0,0.0,0.21533094839688546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327618928042212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348140615988091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689612459415034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713708464813934,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bearsBscary,2020/01/01,"Vent/rant. Starting outpatient treatment soon. I've been against it but I'm noticing I'm not functioning at the level I want to be. I dont know how to change how ill I feel in my own skin all the time. I (m 33) have no real support system for my emotional problems. So sorry for bringing them here. But writing down how I feel and what is going on has helped a lot. 

I've been dealing with severe negative emotions, (stress, anxiety, fear, disgust, anger) pretty much 24/7. Also with severe  flashbacks. I beat myself up all the time.
On the outside things are going well and better than they have been. But on the inside I'm all numbing and I have a hard time even identifying the different emotions. 

I'm still hanging on to hope that I'll feel a little more in my own skin with more time. I quit drinking, cigarettes and drugs (I smoke pot) 13 months ago. The drinking by far has been the hardest and longest to get back to normal from. But I'm starting to see that I've had these problems all along. I think I'm severely more stressed from giving up the alcohol and suffering badly for the long time. 

So I've been trying long walks, maybe getting back into school and other things to try to break some of my fears to be more functional more of the day and week. It's been a lot of new work to stay on top of things and be with myself and the now 24/7. But nothing has broken my odd, fragile sleeping schedule, my energy in the day gets depleted by 5pm, the fear and social anxiety takes a lot to overcome 24/7 and I should be able to fit more in my schedule without freaking out and not being able to keep up. 

So I guess outpatient treatment for my ptsd is a good idea. If I keep ignoring the root emotions and what caused my trauma so long ago, I'm not going to get over it. I have an assessment monday. 

I'm just hoping theres a way/path that will lead me to feeling more myself and in my own skin more of the day. It's taking all my energy to tolerate and get through the day. 

Thanks for the space to put my thoughts down.",3.3806709990604418,4.650355123786412,4.371866583150645,87.38998277481994,73.00485436893203,7.2578766050736,26.63983714375196,7.717688229018142,1.4066564985906664,1589,55,329,20,31,516,201,412,0.17,0.711,0.11900000000000001,-0.9801,1,0,6,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,2,6,18,22,2,5,26,0,25,10,4,6,5,70,63,30,0,8,11,0,9,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,14,23,3,3,8,2,0,8,7,15,1,0,8,10,32,7,59,48,21,63,0,1,1,0,7,25,0,8,27,222,46,3,0.1530396820433374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566044424539134,0.08177643888251836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119288921917136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707493787512277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767806891551942,0.06389087101719862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767558106474321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860695508955473,0.08094784563208901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739586852188906,0.07888859611839641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994694744968743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968068378735697,0.14992062558701574,0.08873872214344808,0.0,0.0,0.3442980874413893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054063331900383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25831828479451463,0.1547629231381005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998922934692643,0.07340480407144842,0.130463967159128,0.06418121218970838,0.0,0.0,0.08429523180852536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854674752690458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051289636467801776,0.0,0.0,0.15200293559057093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863815864864031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602870114875587,0.0,0.0,0.04205330345878403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669298318723915,0.0,0.2031529540956188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516329738363844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687446527194458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610774070616292,0.0,0.056250887636678494,0.0,0.0,0.07390333928403775,0.0,0.0,0.07497319750064697,0.07342285121181591,0.08711834617326128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784818769845668,0.0,0.14643830725495444,0.08944759930502869,0.07692357514868363,0.0,0.08138826993995328,0.0,0.08709633140781273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744216431326986,0.0609764062370555,0.0,0.0,0.2593369195430489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657510273572153,0.0780023415507858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565769725210201,0.10832227464119484,0.08155996924028441,0.06110884388461282,0.0,0.17530643871353127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683380879024805,0.0,0.0,0.11506679487316153,0.0,0.0,0.07044918884788462,0.0,0.0,0.15250914675639118,0.049030824390925216,0.0,0.06074820642201999,0.22309667327997973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390389831886013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451333847952986,0.06073788809757714,0.06137960086192445,0.0,0.06880052674195225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376239612799397,0.0,0.055707355610682886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TheHowlingMoon,2020/01/01,"Curious if my reaction is 'normal' (possible trigger warning) Usually when people lie,  I just think less of them and walk away.   But when it's someone I have to be close to and am supposed to trust? I get extremely upset. My husband, of around 8 years,  is sometimes completely delusional.   He'll say things that are a complete exaggeration,  if I bring it up,  accuse me of doing whatever im accusing him of,  then if I try to ask him when he calms down he denies ever saying that and accuse me of lying.    Latest example is really dumb,  but for reference,  he insisted every time we go out to eat,  it cost one whole paycheck.   It doesn't.  He probably just misspoke...  but when I tell him that's an abserd exaggeration,  he says he never said it,   that I'M exaggerating everything.  If I can prove he's wrong,  he never apologizes,  only more angry sarcasm.  He also has this problem where he cannot have a conversation without screaming.   The louder he is,  the more right he must be.   It makes me so angry I want to die,   then I completely shut down and can't function for a few hours.   My brain goes almost catatonic,   no thoughts.    In more serious matters,   i sometimes lose my memory.   I can't remember what I thought about the situation before he was screaming,   I only know I thought he was wrong.    I feel like I should handle HIS (I'm going to call it forgetfulness) in such a dramatic manner,   but it makes me feel so alone in the world.
TL:DR My mind needs to heal and I need a rock to anchor me to reality.   When he does dumb stuff like misrepresentat facts, I can't handle it.     Any advice?  I am in therapy,  on medication,  4 years out of my traumatic event (that lasted 12 years),  can't leave him as he's my patron (sugar daddy) and we've done couples therapy. Didn't help.",2.9812167515563104,5.105482233918131,5.066966610073576,78.3846264855688,76.07602339181288,8.389511412940955,26.529334087907944,9.11188708381993,2.445967817392945,1372,53,257,34,31,474,195,342,0.19899999999999998,0.7390000000000001,0.061,-0.9945,0,1,0,0,0,1,56.0,1,0,1,1,15,14,2,1,10,0,26,5,1,3,6,50,47,25,1,11,11,1,2,2,0,3,2,6,0,0,18,11,2,0,10,1,1,4,11,10,0,1,8,9,38,4,33,34,6,40,0,1,0,0,35,17,2,5,21,164,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035477223449728,0.0,0.0,0.1028366745425485,0.10636359969834464,0.0,0.08212712403025074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983779646286759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142251516617357,0.09600826473464907,0.0,0.09648764705020862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738797695841463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464433276011897,0.10486559195288203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230290080562118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136327894347932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658375272021854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987124190744053,0.10509516041166993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508514306384148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289573479336176,0.0865270418540204,0.0,0.0922978577431028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385384597811166,0.07336708806275513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053655185718207064,0.0,0.11673066973495602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883594465642504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011363141928327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093088297628552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056439839875370684,0.08371213916499227,0.0,0.10874178493783043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034558591181783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489219206516225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371027079772013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345688961705994,0.0,0.0,0.10369516183972248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229773502875826,0.15841322907412553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062170897057536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959045873691883,0.15621209662095428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119749000404392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577595891668398,0.0,0.0,0.11072523474858033,0.09826760246303064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579062449478007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163362058664087,0.0877030722434656,0.09768880476294534,0.245007433574446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115436251228684,0.0,0.0,0.08701522710513472,0.0,0.2031408336811872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175640249431982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976210920609884,0.0,0.2348869981482811,0.0,0.06822763108171617,0.0658043875267357,0.0,0.2445909425309565,0.05988371652653055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972483611532225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310674646864532,0.0,0.06057362445679788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465804986357855,0.0,0.0989966895316057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456710807075156,0.0,0.1984013972443468
ptsd,blackswollsun,2020/01/01,"new years resolution i'm going to start trying to enjoy the hobbies that once made me happy.  

the unrelenting assault of automatic thoughts will come but this year i just have to ignore them and not try to rationalize and justify.  they are outside of my control and it's ok if they tear me apart, i just need to try really really hard to not entertain them

this year i'm gonna make it.  everything will be different.",2.9958333333333336,5.449716283950622,4.966157407407408,77.49145833333336,77.51851851851852,8.988271604938271,26.174382716049386,9.516144504307137,2.7854308641975307,333,13,62,10,8,114,57,81,0.12300000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.084,-0.5106,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,4,1,2,6,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,3,0,16,15,5,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,9,4,8,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890167119221676,0.0,0.0,0.24610575337274124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22925424650092696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720661018493826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470527618918907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335838508650791,0.19656326421042394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076268921591374,0.14646905653332895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270215148146122,0.0,0.21192371818982653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336823226998345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28114078388856834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531137988577876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420032576387526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469290700421672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239108898433427
ptsd,danitheteleportingst,2020/01/01,"TW Was nearly in a car accident last night. I was walking to my truck with my daughter, her best friend and my dog. Drunk guy turns onto my street as we are leaving to go to my partners place for NYE.

He was racing around my neighborhood in a huge, loud truck with a camper shell. His truck was loud. Like, brought the neighbors out loud. The kids are 5th graders. He nearly slammed into my truck where the girls and my dog were. There were 3 trucks lined up behind me and he got closer and closer to the them as he flew down the street until he hit my neighbors work truck knocking off his side mirror. I called the cops and I was not the first to do so. He had hit TEN cars already. TEN. This was 6pm. It was only barely no longer light out.

I had been standing in the road about to get into my truck. If I hadn't run for the sidewalk he absolutely would have hit me. I absolutely would have died. He was going *at least* 50mph. 

I have previously been hit by drunk drivers/texting drivers, all of which were traumatic, causing PTSD that I'm getting therapy for, but I never thought I was going to die before. I was absolutely terrified. I still am.

The girls don't realize how lucky we are, and I'm glad for it, I'm doing my best to keep my cool around them but I am so stressed out. I let my daughters dad know that she may have a tough time with it going forward. I also called her friends dad and told him what had happened. 

Why are people so incredibly selfish? I don't really know how to cope. I emailed my therapist, and I'm not in a true crisis, but fuuuuck.

Thanks for listening guys. I truly appreciate you.",1.7739329268292678,3.881938222560976,3.1215243902439056,90.93917682926832,79.88414634146342,6.051219512195122,22.75,7.1686216300943375,0.7121841463414631,1259,41,270,16,32,409,175,328,0.114,0.77,0.11599999999999999,0.4193,0,0,0,0,1,0,42.0,2,1,2,4,12,13,0,1,15,1,37,2,0,3,3,41,63,21,2,3,6,4,0,1,5,3,0,4,2,6,8,20,2,1,4,2,0,11,7,3,0,3,24,6,44,10,42,31,4,46,0,0,0,0,38,28,0,3,9,178,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647559335295296,0.1061475664320192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23632332476196816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294710729352153,0.0,0.2785929036198515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27107310817681823,0.0,0.0,0.13635468260866426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755144808985652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290372211148852,0.0,0.0,0.20510037155262328,0.0,0.13869637973315313,0.0,0.3017438310826847,0.0,0.10615973989605693,0.0,0.0,0.26285563773385856,0.1173764972428079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798033869697692,0.0,0.0,0.1458945926409581,0.10819616488590833,0.0,0.1405464513328516,0.0,0.1357298079682684,0.0,0.06484727105999241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237286983690494,0.0,0.0,0.12456214263619035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095041132482672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202124619892406,0.0,0.13867908549077262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515928583480829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503298717231822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600177812479612,0.0,0.15204668456376286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220390389689074,0.15179323234780828,0.15411474506773298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053762023510924,0.0773984338700908,0.0,0.0,0.12683330549384875,0.0,0.0,0.14437679554698427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977205424477835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663214641260164,0.0,0.0,0.18858126731802127,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PublicBuddy,2020/01/01,"When you realize just how different “normal” life is Overheard coworkers talking yesterday about anxiety/depression screenings. How prevalent they were with routine health checkups and the number of questions asked.

It was weird to hear how incredulous they sounded. And I’m over in my cubicle thinking “if only you knew how much some people tried to avoid those questions and act normal despite of things then you might understand the reason behind all the questions”. 

My childhood was so messed up that it’s odd thinking about people being able to go through normal life *without* being plagued with anxiety/intrusive memories/mentally freezing up.",6.9836363636363625,10.5567680093458,5.958776550552251,69.66649107901446,69.8411214953271,8.750722175021242,38.69923534409516,9.339509955726095,4.812428037383178,535,31,67,13,11,161,79,107,0.099,0.889,0.012,-0.8134,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,2,0,9,3,0,1,3,0,7,4,0,5,1,28,15,11,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,5,0,1,9,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,4,7,0,16,8,3,10,0,0,1,0,11,4,0,6,4,53,12,0,0.16056578854389925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010733750034838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829507839350572,0.0,0.0,0.16775707434234813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091253237869547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170673924827393,0.18096931325503407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268247298861224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703349276439166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803432951618267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719611442843935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221175175591737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263220131626235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5396112911284783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508837281744715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290566987076154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667277524427868,0.20576814787309847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901363060613607,0.0,0.0,0.16715464853086873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547796903527928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RavenX420,2020/01/01,"Slept all New Years Night FML Woke up & Came down stairs right when it was the new year how ironic. Just to let my dog out back. I Was hoping to not wake up, But nope there goes the fireworks and i run back upstairs and start spasming in my bed trying not to scream while theres a group of people yelling and laughing downstairs. I left my dog and cried in my bed until i fell asleep. Woke up like shit Im alive. Now im going to try to enjoy this day by smoking my weed and maybe popping a molly... depends if i want to get away from this dark cloud or not. Shit becomes so normal so comfortable ya kno?",0.9224106602059337,2.9769533307086635,1.878267716535433,98.9963961235615,82.62204724409449,4.222652937613568,18.430648092065415,4.713530739802397,-0.7466239854633554,471,11,108,1,13,147,90,127,0.055999999999999994,0.7609999999999999,0.184,0.9490000000000001,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,10,8,2,0,4,0,3,5,5,2,1,20,12,14,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,6,2,11,5,18,5,1,28,0,0,0,0,2,11,2,4,14,63,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680015461078608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197966037497882,0.2651367675067244,0.0,0.0,0.1904071750587015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718476707767507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937819797121785,0.11118661060084288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007421183635136,0.0,0.09798142465414754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123652421144475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724527916044026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731794445325836,0.1762952356645936,0.0,0.08422810806893527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320344745496846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33301859329097744,0.0,0.16178990171464588,0.1689197606500087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952354112651199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147232462290706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539413904110662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202876037998273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410261559770384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168861421284306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22204563261752835
ptsd,lunabuddy,2020/01/01,"No-one I know really gets how hard PTSD therapy is, it makes shit worse before it gets better and I'm finding it hard to keep going Hi this is just a rant! Please read if you could but my partner all gets this but I'm doing really good therapy for my PTSD after moving through the depression/suicidal to the point of hospital point and am doing PTSD therapy for CSA and SA I've gotten worse in some ways. I have a 4 year long relationship with the person I love the most in the world and it's affecting our sex life because after PTSD sessions I generally don't want to fuck for awhile but even that we sleep next to each other and my PTSD nightmares are less frequent but more memorable. I know I am feeling better day to day but when the memories and shit come up they are way more intense and I'm pretty much useless 2 days after therapy. Before I just buried it down for ages until something happened then I tried to kill myself or run away or just give up on everything. This is harder and I know it's better to suffer short term for long term benefit but OMG IT SUCKS . Am I just being a total brat lol?",2.60150442477876,4.527881761061948,4.115230088495577,85.68496902654867,76.52212389380531,7.351858407079646,22.804424778761053,8.238735603445708,1.3153776991150443,882,26,177,16,20,293,134,226,0.149,0.691,0.16,0.5647,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,2,1,1,3,7,13,5,0,9,1,14,7,3,3,2,42,35,21,1,3,13,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,12,12,0,1,6,1,0,4,1,7,0,0,1,3,18,6,26,32,11,34,0,2,0,3,10,11,4,5,17,113,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552395155209838,0.0,0.0,0.055489920644014416,0.0,0.15491651700736925,0.0,0.0,0.241521027106803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784126985265963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267857768450997,0.0,0.0,0.17611689534825198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060123240307097876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181023950015087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602657212331671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319808792763984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415406589980727,0.14267536759897162,0.0873225043902184,0.05173340032771993,0.07635010070662751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049590010360479,0.0,0.16308670086571372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091000993406476,0.10070917064567284,0.0,0.15008008627045144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429588050454106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111411190139072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215646719345314,0.0,0.060762002770168626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967485268072687,0.06691617047062047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680947945773567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948227704750865,0.0,0.09992158299754053,0.17210206572445955,0.0,0.0,0.0926083626005228,0.0,0.0,0.5320352313320833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910527922015532,0.0,0.11662993873082955,0.0,0.0,0.09773017609462893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868781935690136,0.0,0.0,0.09109389813659814,0.0,0.0,0.0700779237922821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995700311378028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163945305744292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180214450458948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369076645306154,0.14450783071066695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855309409145811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861914972032493
ptsd,gucc1throwaway,2020/01/01,"Was in a traumatic car accident last week I don't know what I'm trying to gain from posting this, I think I just need to talk about it. Maybe hear similar stories. I've been trying to not talk about it too much to my friends and family because it was traumatic for them, too, and I'm sure they're sick of hearing about it. I'll try to keep this as short as possible but I know it's gonna be long. I apologize in advance. 
I was in a pretty bad accident on Christmas eve night, and I've been suffering badly from it, mentally and physically. 
My mom was driving me back to drop me off at my apartment after we were running some last minute errands when a guy runs a red light and t-bones us. He was going over the speed limit and didn't see us, so he didn't brake. I saw the headlights coming from the corner of my eye and screamed but my mom didn't have time to react. 
His mini van hits us right on my door. I, unfortunately, didn't have my seatbelt buckled like I normally do, but it's not a law in our state. 
It happened exactly like it does in the movies. In the seconds before the impact, I just expected everything to fix itself. I expected the car to just stop. I keep replaying that moment in my head. Especially when I'm in the car now and I see headlights coming through the passenger window. The window shatters on me, the airbag goes off, my door caves in on me. Everything goes red then a pale orange. 
Our car spins what feels like a million times and when we stop everything smells like smoke. I hear screaming and it takes me a while to realize it's me screaming. My mom gets out before I even realize we've stopped moving. I can't get out, my door is caved in. I feel like the car is going to explode and I can't do anything. I'm sure that I'm going to be set on fire. My whole face feels wet and I notice blood dripping onto my jacket. I can't open my right eye. Maybe I was just too scared. I don't know. My mom pulls me out of the car from the drivers side. 
From the sounds of it, there were a lot of people watching. Two people help me walk to the sidewalk and sit me down in the snow. They try to get me to stop screaming. One woman, who I later learned had medical training of some sort, got a clean towel from her house and put it over my eye. Her daughter was on the phone with 911. She was trying to help me breathe but I was hysterical. I ask if everyone in the other car is okay. She says they're all okay, I'm the only one bleeding. 
At the hospital, they take two pieces of glass out of my eye, right below my eyebrow. By some miracle, all I have is a concussion, the stitches from the glass above my eye, lots of bruising and some cuts from the glass. I'm gonna be out of work for 1-2 weeks. The general consensus is that I'm very lucky I didn't die. I have lost about 6 of my old classmates to car accidents alone this year. 
On one hand, I do feel lucky. I should've been in worse shape. On the other hand, to be honest, most days I wake up, I wished it killed me. I feel like I'm trapped in my own life now. Being in cars now is suffocating. I feel like I'm trapped in a box underwater. Loud noises, the smell of smoke, seeing headlights, walking too close to the road, the sound of car horns. Fireworks. Doors closing too hard. Everything scares me. The drives to my doctors appointments are excruciating. I think about what it might've been like if I just died. 
I feel completely out of control of everything. I obsess over everything I can't control now. Natural disasters, house fires, accidents of any kind. I don't want anyone to leave my sight because if I can't see them in front of me, then I don't know they're safe. It feels so unfair this guy just got to rip away my peace of mind. I've become so preoccupied with control. What I can control, what I can't control, what others around me can control. 
I have PTSD already, from childhood abuse and a sexual assault that happened two years ago. I also have OCD which is probably responsible for my new obsessive thoughts. 
Maybe it's dramatic. My injuries are minor compared to what could've happened. But I feel completely broken. I want to stay positive but I'm really struggling with the idea of this being my reality forever. This has destroyed me in a way I could never describe to someone who hadn't felt it.",2.311993462118746,4.125982279043281,3.7346895245984086,88.59598778214955,77.00683371298405,7.066733721859008,24.84223293790492,7.957251820313856,1.3201133745525544,3363,118,716,55,77,1107,366,878,0.166,0.722,0.11199999999999999,-0.9944,1,3,2,0,1,0,106.0,7,0,4,11,31,35,4,5,45,2,60,17,12,7,6,114,122,37,3,11,17,5,16,8,1,2,5,11,7,3,42,33,0,15,21,0,0,26,19,17,0,8,28,44,108,18,114,84,13,126,0,2,14,0,40,57,0,13,44,446,150,3,0.0,0.061953761248235886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463509288020903,0.0,0.0,0.054155500379184894,0.05770206888390219,0.0418153908778515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03555822502766541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03656159405701995,0.0,0.04302928515232746,0.04654818066320865,0.04888303547442925,0.0,0.04912711511488601,0.04020691384442385,0.08731804558342544,0.06374962030452394,0.05774894938138805,0.0889879551412226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008446399108024,0.10964777184356088,0.0,0.3518784871281682,0.08349681668106933,0.0,0.0,0.033721995746728815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853518454104327,0.0,0.0,0.05351987466487906,0.04575834297635152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03453630584231677,0.0,0.0,0.04996425658945132,0.28196319140272663,0.0,0.049293293552993715,0.0,0.2379494164393851,0.14942071824084996,0.05020551570645173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04039825166956668,0.0,0.0819563301378043,0.0,0.08915091037285057,0.0,0.08364037289705811,0.0,0.0,0.10354840535442264,0.1387166265905237,0.0,0.04684055742125212,0.0,0.05366346651158235,0.0,0.1768000720073074,0.0,0.07009625543917343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066867232559406,0.0,0.059027770214292126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929535013254388,0.0578498880096856,0.054450812237219884,0.114946383102502,0.08524481678223371,0.0,0.05536636398293665,0.0,0.0,0.036933175626659216,0.20436560745627175,0.0,0.0,0.04627400499140084,0.0,0.0,0.05707947899808221,0.08890825572753508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759359567214656,0.0,0.0,0.05267553599893044,0.05269488302877865,0.05547022849920704,0.05279685336202596,0.2449603728352672,0.0,0.055574794281587514,0.0384383362800412,0.03877153495411119,0.04032840046558346,0.0505009169982506,0.0,0.049069562854752585,0.05123199114889522,0.0,0.05953122567590099,0.054868373694933234,0.0,0.1062968757696204,0.039768042270954734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250103809660782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894784498451451,0.050078283996644574,0.05319657952550909,0.056376246285555175,0.0,0.061122891495265515,0.05256475717371835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03349758939974391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396322921394888,0.0,0.041582208573467234,0.10470056255166564,0.0,0.1666698398238282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04430419032311411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573297873798647,0.0,0.1748633484418643,0.0,0.05466368061736572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985632833375461,0.0,0.07862944642880786,0.08405562694258632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700919381749032,0.0,0.041511522483716014,0.06098012181342144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775035538187368,0.0,0.1532358859369495,0.0,0.18869121929546154,0.0,0.0,0.04314379432743808,0.061682661202557526,0.04150447158654008,0.08388595585919087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837865661254287,0.06012962058433907,0.0,0.0,0.03806692050916244,0.0,0.05328682624148527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734463653711949
ptsd,Itsvenombitch,2020/01/01,"How to help partner understand what I go through? Hi, first time posting here. I have severe complex PTSD from a lifetime (I'm 25) of physical and sexual abuse. Ive been married for a year now and it seems like no matter how hard I try to communicate to my husband what I go through, what my triggers are, and the way I feel when I'm having flashbacks or am anxious in certain situations he doesnt get it. Does anyone have any resources ( books, lectures, anything really) to help partners of abuse victims understand what we go through and how to be supportive? 
Thanks 💖",4.156931702344551,6.138710972477063,4.9388379204892985,81.22479102956169,72.30275229357798,7.780224260958207,34.12945973496432,8.515128840125781,2.9659410805300714,452,24,82,8,9,146,76,109,0.163,0.701,0.13699999999999998,-0.6199,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,1,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,3,0,9,0,0,4,1,17,21,9,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,2,9,4,13,19,0,11,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,6,52,15,2,0.0,0.4279457595890633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280926381637895,0.0,0.0,0.2040184055237014,0.0,0.12627465084667405,0.0,0.14861244699337375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803793383980558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131312136869076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361210217887494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435225897322844,0.0,0.3079050673348133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177563332188855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420950292111622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822849629574031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729579354996072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110326235411664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569234095923556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440485838564467,0.0,0.2040184055237014,0.0,0.0,0.2029938192373367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493451429304466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626554218938772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530508569413664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226106238559979,0.0,0.0,0.376006846535506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143346120248271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162958110067434
ptsd,Fatsohuggingbear,2020/01/01,"How normal is it to have unrelated triggers? Hello reddit. Since I'm inbetween therapy at the moment I don't have anyone to ask my questions to so I'm turning to you.

My question is the title but I thought I'd give more context. My ptsd comes from me being sexually assaulted nearly 5 years ago and I also have abandonment issues but recently with my ex leaving me I've started to become triggered by things very unrelated to my assault, music, tv, games. Is this normal? I feel very on edge all the time",3.1954545454545453,5.385201878787882,5.386868686868689,76.03363636363638,75.66666666666666,7.632323232323233,29.181818181818183,8.515128840125781,2.6069272727272725,402,18,69,8,9,140,71,99,0.146,0.8540000000000001,0.0,-0.9498,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,3,0,8,0,0,3,1,16,17,6,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,12,0,12,15,2,10,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,2,6,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884390425052614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232216561882325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318400398336114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806768439012147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103638121590315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407667554532354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630948918534406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272022886419692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880559983930854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016846976022874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37324858990604604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226541712509652,0.0,0.4267494389108452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880703141347232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575622438156668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481863390211055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178238715656964,0.0,0.12654260871939382,0.0,0.0,0.15121525519933107,0.11106704994643414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718125626466502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31432236059519203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265915330209196
ptsd,Meldrawsuwu,2020/01/01,"I was wondering something.. TW talking about medicine and interaction. With doctor also panic/memory attacks So I go to this program..it was originally for my trauma but they also have been treating anxiety..I'm on this new nightmare medicine.  I cant remember the exact name but it starts with P. I still have these things called ""memory attacks"" I made it up for the name of when the memories start flowing in and it's so incredibly bad I cant control it and start screaming and crying... he said ""look you're not going to have any more memory attacks with the prozactine.."" I said ""but.."" and he said ""nope. The medicine will work and you will have no more memory attacks"" 

.. sounds like something nice and reassuring of the doctor to some..I got really upset and held it in..I felt like he was telling me I was lying..my medicine hasn't been working for a while and I had lied about it for a bit because the medicine was making me so tired to wake up all the time and I didnt want to get more tired..but yeah..I had a big freak out after that.. 

Also I'm near my period so it's really really really bad for my anxiety and the memory attacks are more frequent. I get really irritable and kinda irrational thoughts. I just..dont know what to do. I vented to a friend last night about another truama ..they said I could show the doctor but I feel kinda scared now. But I know its key to helping me feel better. I just..dont know if I can do it. I'm really scared to tell them about it.",0.9083925066904576,3.4289963932203413,2.9176315789473684,87.97166592328281,88.45762711864407,6.359500446030331,20.644513826940234,7.669130373188453,1.0962881355932208,1156,38,232,24,38,387,145,295,0.218,0.706,0.076,-0.993,0,0,2,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,3,4,14,20,5,3,14,0,24,5,1,4,2,45,51,27,0,3,7,0,3,2,1,2,4,6,0,0,16,16,0,2,9,1,0,3,7,13,0,0,19,10,28,7,30,29,6,25,0,0,1,0,21,7,0,4,17,149,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866558387427764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914710374309262,0.09120259990470407,0.0665368982695015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947424718562672,0.0,0.0,0.14524373746858082,0.053020157822849585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692377778474219,0.09495597373942498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881288300119505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755170740824567,0.06944377671566583,0.0,0.09553976460240234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670728567012011,0.0,0.0,0.20387196926001167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795601398237918,0.0,0.08351122261177531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719794311106267,0.0,0.09088341834258916,0.0,0.09886166778594023,0.0,0.0695631715166359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058298614304248875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340027464040989,0.07089757739393457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498479449080833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303847936660132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229940810573072,0.058057588461414976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400258940070468,0.0,0.08162169294277648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020483572056129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343168103293127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852758801055277,0.0,0.33093884185906625,0.0,0.17415759730372887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339177470878294,0.0,0.0,0.1846875590694724,0.0,0.06945966408719001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990853569175272,0.15204284941134408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778342069943966,0.0,0.0,0.06904974376442534,0.05071678336529259,0.09996686301828188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051301080951863774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432246545249844,0.12664007243239594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,1234trowaway1234,2020/01/01,"Don't know if it belongs here but (Throwaway). I don't eat meat for like 10 years. And while there are medical benefits for that. I think the reason is very bad. 
When I was very young my bio father showed me those videos of animals suffering and told me horrible stories. We are no longer with contact. Not me. Not my family. I know he is a bad person even if he hadn't done that. But I can't get the image of animals suffering out of my head. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it, but I want other devices.",0.5477725856697795,2.7518440186915925,2.8856308411214973,90.25561137071651,85.44859813084112,6.931152647975078,21.06619937694704,8.07648339933343,1.1604461059190028,398,13,87,9,12,136,72,107,0.218,0.715,0.067,-0.9688,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,10,3,1,1,0,17,18,9,0,3,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,4,2,0,1,7,4,0,0,4,0,14,2,10,14,0,6,0,2,0,0,8,1,0,2,5,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383693111253452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351322821431825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23510987005639666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517594965771272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166046782300864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004421723435912,0.0,0.1305823629906871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358081000198529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525488005671876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225296448484487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23146693400349416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062442226869895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23623961547104702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467869272879356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667781808223585,0.0,0.1472259593456753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955302519862355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791650755846967,0.1355230297990909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796296084337182
ptsd,gravymadefromscratch,2020/01/01,"I feel that my fear of angering others is pushing people away Has any else experienced this? Perhaps overcome it? I would love some insight/help. Thank you. 

Context: I am a 26F that was verbally, physically, and sexually abused by my father. He expressed his anger and I learned to fear it. I shunned it. Now I feel like I don't know how to deal with it. I don't feel that being angry yields effective communication. I don't know how to be angry. I want to practice but I'm so tired of not speaking my mind. I want to be able to speak on my anger without losing my shit. As I'm writing this I feel I'm just complaining and I know I'm practicing. It's just hard. The burden on my heart and soul is heavy.",0.6677403651115625,2.9926748896551736,2.8730223123732266,89.65626774847874,86.3103448275862,5.894523326572008,23.01217038539553,7.285733465282438,0.9694624746450304,549,21,118,9,17,186,87,145,0.218,0.6679999999999999,0.114,-0.9506,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,1,0,2,7,12,4,2,2,0,12,4,2,3,0,28,27,9,0,3,5,1,5,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,11,5,0,1,9,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,1,8,21,3,15,22,1,5,1,1,0,1,11,3,1,1,2,74,32,1,0.18136106919949274,0.2148832106198981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333174619171533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039469455424908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697529880685207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150390157207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081632484560067,0.3668064235106893,0.12956438407377271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246389505836425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491374022090132,0.12156250175715502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29901390189099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886038575094178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289664606935934,0.0,0.0,0.16368544576143546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183122979662242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573292989469825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861645313046846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697290589079045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844786975376692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394291503427326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748255988234642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883370005603853,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,UnsetJelly,2020/01/01,"It’s like, how easily am I going to be triggered today? Can I handle it? Will I calm down? How do you work out your triggers with multiple trauma? 
I’m only up to my second session (next Thursday) of REM Therapy to treat my first and worst sexual abuse experience. I’ve seen four different Psych’s now and have finally been diagnosed for REAL by my fifth. 
I have an actual name for what I’ve been dealing with! It’s been so long that I figured once I knew what I was dealing with, it would be easier to cope and manage my triggers. 
But I still have a really hard time managing. I’m so easily startled that I get angry over the smallest shocks or noises or feelings. I have no idea how to deal with this sudden flood of emotions that I just want to go home and go to bed. 
I did used to resort to recreational drugs and alcohol to cheer me up every now and then, a night of excitement to look forward to you know (awfully unhealthy), but just didn’t have the money/energy to do that anymore. (Probably a good thing considering turns out I had a Tonic Clonic seizure) sigh of course I have epilepsy. 
I don’t even buy marijuana anymore which was always my go-to but I haven’t been able to afford it in the last 6 months and trying to manage my mental health myself (it’s hard sigh) 

I’m trying everything I can to work out what’s triggering me and when but is it supposed to get easier? Have you worked out yours? Did it take long either before or after getting a diagnosis? Do you find more now still? Do you find ways of calming down and how often do they work? 

Sorry, I know I need help, I just don’t think I’ve been asking the right questions. 

Thank you in advance!",3.5909495548961416,4.825792759643917,5.1087430267062315,82.44478813056381,72.44213649851629,8.359359050445105,25.34943620178041,8.841846274778883,1.8115266231454008,1308,40,262,25,25,441,179,337,0.057999999999999996,0.8290000000000001,0.113,0.956,2,0,2,0,1,0,36.0,0,8,1,6,17,14,0,1,10,1,34,4,0,9,0,53,57,24,0,3,11,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,2,0,18,17,1,0,10,0,1,5,5,4,2,3,13,5,38,8,41,40,3,38,0,0,2,0,16,13,0,5,22,182,56,9,0.10664352450912283,0.12635513806513332,0.10406869640755008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396949533346601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873595542621916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152344068637155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969729959841936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074578469054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298343732023753,0.0,0.10824093254820416,0.0,0.1114197851948748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367263135234716,0.0,0.0,0.11995961124678252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043704215924201,0.0,0.08985176889643294,0.0,0.0958443234146434,0.1043178302578944,0.0,0.0,0.05392217027119744,0.0,0.0,0.11682276840544766,0.194940498781988,0.09071092746859014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715052002058686,0.0,0.2424318903180849,0.0894475286905022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106330207445302,0.0,0.0,0.11335707967716907,0.0,0.0,0.07148090652944665,0.0,0.106972150264152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203875584763826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721698420221352,0.08692870599654542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210063930266491,0.0,0.0,0.18875232662913136,0.08955370172969009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747158988054126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512184382461074,0.0,0.0,0.07907482214832208,0.0,0.0,0.11341659815985974,0.10007772352133906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357187313409133,0.0,0.08110720593044908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497975650684356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946515396735335,0.0,0.0,0.1213836781301406,0.06831857256405574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107298724047257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937869465401504,0.0,0.0,0.17033131286008396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018265848048026,0.0,0.0,0.09818302935861704,0.12195616435150095,0.0,0.07084921902967617,0.06833286442865777,0.0,0.0,0.06218469674577599,0.0,0.10108559173462477,0.0,0.0,0.1448079057537896,0.11599753120696556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210576482168784,0.0,0.0,0.06290111379392584,0.08464866590786696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31055102384355304,0.0,0.0,0.07575650005908519,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,waterebin,2020/01/01,"New trauma and flashbacks? I knew I had trauma from my childhood since July/august ish 2019, but I never had flashbacks, even when someone did something that should have triggered a full on flashback, but then in November I started having flashbacks of all kinds even just for no reason. It makes me feel fake. Any advice? 
Also
Is it normal to not know you have trauma? Like the other day someone triggered a flashback of something I didn’t know was traumatising. I don’t have DID and don’t dissociate a lot, it this normal?",5.707653061224492,7.22518180612245,5.7638775510204106,78.67397959183674,67.6734693877551,6.824489795918367,30.3265306122449,6.868970318607317,1.8733510204081631,419,16,69,3,7,132,67,98,0.192,0.7759999999999999,0.032,-0.9433,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,14,0,0,4,2,20,20,7,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,7,1,9,2,7,12,3,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,8,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311187423048736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440391660048998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830648672642638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064792915590585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880885184791035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027122711575256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271038179217175,0.2397095781155922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654618314739583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540957876365505,0.0,0.0,0.14557461697398336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820196687809036,0.21062956800139093,0.0,0.0,0.4273574740797952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422952883392916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040363540116208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36956843649917054,0.3357877110463504,0.0,0.0,0.15436294309322807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Voldo_ate_my_sister,2020/01/01,"Ocular migraine. The fuck. Y’all doing this too? I’m p deep in therapy and whenever I “revert” or talk myself back in to “somebody could have implanted your memory” “memory isn’t even used in courts” it never happened” “your being a wuss” “wasn’t that bad Fuck you” I’m getting these. Like a electric dog collar. What do you see your getting them from and how y’all coping with them? Is it gonna get worse? 

I’ve only had 2. No pain above a normal headache just almost passing out but hella visual rambow/bright light madness. Doc cleared me last time.",0.6891148982957667,3.1826728317757045,2.30395821880154,89.75488180318857,96.38317757009348,4.760637713029137,18.443650357339198,6.522977012572876,0.39335777899945024,431,13,80,6,17,140,88,107,0.161,0.807,0.032,-0.9116,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,7,2,0,5,6,3,0,4,0,9,4,0,2,2,14,20,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,2,12,1,7,15,0,10,0,0,1,2,10,5,2,2,5,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23030849430324224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768532825042202,0.19203765604884368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183633667655248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191066584759713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252565270708831,0.3604913837195787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338534184586626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747802582838224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236478087282713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738765099157933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253479548061819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492287126534398,0.2447327283716581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327760979959265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848626531654108,0.0,0.0,0.2630212962232494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411293828643914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986433222285573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23438630906872404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thekatlife,2020/01/01,"Alone on New Year’s Eve. Ringing in the new year with my pup curled up next to me in bed. Definitely not complaining about that part. Not really complaining at all, just feel sad that I don’t have anyone else aside from my boyfriend to spend time with.

I hope you all are avoiding any triggers and stressors tonight, so you are able to enjoy bringing in a new decade. Let’s make it better than the last. Happy New Year!!",2.5407530120481923,4.795972397590365,2.8152861445783164,93.3573870481928,78.03614457831327,6.077710843373494,22.423192771084338,7.1686216300943375,0.5970493975903621,331,10,70,4,8,101,63,83,0.111,0.6890000000000001,0.2,0.8209,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,1,3,8,0,1,3,0,5,0,0,2,2,13,9,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,7,4,14,8,3,19,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,12,40,10,0,0.17734335433010726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367423112871215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205995623072198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400259678598333,0.18170922397921366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684578525015502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481476163406102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896701285208864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878529837067326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614196596423634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455850348123378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134559518239987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837806610906156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6851172668336224,0.18860666924655864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204557075578715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361069391998604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341033606736266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426099172749673
ptsd,AbaddonIRL,2020/01/01,"New Years Reminder. Hi there everyone, remember that tonight and many other nights in they year will have the shiniest trigger of them all, fireworks. Bit of advice on how to handle them: Don't ask people to stop them (it won't help the situation and you'll probably regret asking later on), if you absolutely can't handle it then put on some headphones and listen to something catchy (helped me get through some rough times in Afghan), and for the long term, try to get used to being around them. As long as I'm aware they're coming I can condition myself to not acknowledge them, thanks to exposure therapy. Remember to keep someone available to contact if needed and get something to eat and drink. Stay safe and happy new year.",8.544212184873949,7.968327433823532,7.778319327731094,73.90029411764708,61.42647058823529,10.712605042016806,35.60504201680671,9.957137785484203,3.4418394957983183,585,22,102,10,7,182,94,136,0.069,0.883,0.047,-0.2649,0,0,3,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,6,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,3,1,26,20,13,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,9,2,3,3,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,2,11,3,22,16,5,23,0,1,0,0,15,6,0,4,14,63,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253089503486222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984467627034976,0.2727153596920738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592393217013459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564388013939082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142885457173398,0.0,0.14924929988139787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937371191552808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286145882272935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526871175642012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553128533887204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964542454541933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25815974382818424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787726967251386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081519692691271,0.0,0.2817414182710035,0.0,0.1368779920680951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011196752138478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725975417276014,0.0,0.0,0.14662772596492984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304576987799545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395067061332724,0.0,0.0,0.12358513626014987,0.2245774580602756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546537971431226,0.0,0.1219439436004057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428658687369902,0.1668015049642957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505105960079433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902810874259316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597460956434167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28178359728948915
ptsd,sendnoodlesbaby,2020/01/01,"Not lighting any fireworks My ptsd is not combat related by I feel for y’all, be safe everyone ❤️",1.3142857142857132,3.2208063809523857,4.238333333333333,83.37750000000003,80.42857142857143,8.009523809523811,29.54761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.7025047619047617,78,4,16,2,2,28,20,21,0.0,0.764,0.23600000000000002,0.6041,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392774702391964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5519031390596364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29204217137637023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6751609648038003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,zunebirthehammy,2020/01/01,Loud noises My family is pestering me to go outside for fireworks when I can't handle the noise but they just ignore me.,3.6062499999999993,5.4979871250000025,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,73.58333333333334,8.133333333333335,24.5,8.841846274778883,2.0489,97,3,17,2,2,33,23,24,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8564103293897432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162957947868178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway0706199,2020/01/01,"(21F) Anyone having a rough night and want to chat? I feel pretty alone right now and I’d love to chat with someone. I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s celebration with my bad mood, so I’m just here by myself.",-1.1550476190476182,0.8948571777777801,1.3393650793650806,96.91,99.44444444444444,3.4603174603174613,10.873015873015873,5.288315135182226,-1.482365079365079,163,2,37,1,7,55,35,45,0.185,0.616,0.19899999999999998,-0.0772,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,7,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,6,7,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081306279749431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160518085023395,0.30483414548401633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24840841678850856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24853142313705476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042999141437766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26851438385275445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791929741397476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026746192084733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540719080808944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520792512412941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509582036622625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,green-egg-and-ham,2020/01/01,"My trip to the OBGYN went south today... (Trigger warning!!) Warning: slight hint at abuse

Today I went to the OBGYN to see why my cycle was 8 days long even tho ive been on HRT for 3 years. She diagnosed me with endometriosis and suggested I get an IUD. She said it might hurt and I wasnt too worried because I have a high pain tolerance. But... The minute she touched me with her scope, a switch flicked in my brain and I went into fight or flight. My ptsd caused me to have a severe panic attack and it took them 3 attempts to put it in because I was screaming and panicking so much. I made the realisation that the last time I felt pain in that way was in a VERY low point in my life. So lesson learned: ask to be knocked out the next time someone has to put anything down there!",2.123410714285716,3.8802446625000013,3.1746428571428598,92.65750000000004,77.375,6.071428571428572,23.92857142857143,6.868970318607317,0.6441071428571429,606,20,134,6,14,194,103,160,0.221,0.755,0.024,-0.9868,0,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,6,8,2,1,11,0,11,5,1,3,0,18,21,10,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,0,7,1,8,0,0,12,5,22,0,20,7,1,31,0,2,1,0,9,14,0,2,9,82,27,1,0.0,0.1639122106183173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384337461585135,0.0,0.1293307499805022,0.15738357659599994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866354809879158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443501221337472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211496271065308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921890710009482,0.0,0.0,0.14041384311747335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137334236290036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282966036079816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227779221359566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616552834359728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809757694082562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276689325240302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771478502917606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224279898344273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309021959527332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675860825265244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169701637495372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712789372766988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944104978032908,0.16231409628635554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077755700192145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171396316406528,0.2781430981869422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159457073418954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024036853655288,0.0,0.0,0.15628666533967378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721641477777232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613362347793984,0.0,0.26226338013009026,0.0,0.15370264198425934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414633365579173,0.0,0.10980914719667063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38473223300282494,0.12483180406518304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049264126384467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908747447840122
ptsd,NewDayTomorrough,2020/01/01,"TW: I think I am willing to accept a repressed rape please help Janitor stalked me in the female bathroom at my dorm sophomore year when I was 19.  I remember I was about to turn on the shower when I heard him come in.  I was frozen unable to decide should I get back into my robe and try to leave or yell at him to go away and puzzling with whether to turn on the water.  For a while that was all I remembered.  But today I remembered afterward in the same showerstall I was showering and saying to myself something like....I know you are supposed to go to the ER without showering but I am already in the shower and I am on birth control and I've never had sex if I get an STD I'll get treatment he probably doesn't have AIDS or HIV....that's it, just a glimpse of that thinking.  I was washing the insides of my legs while I was thinking that.  That's all.

I feel like I need encouragement to be brave enough to remember the rest.  What little I said...I am 100% sure that much is real, and in the same showerstall the same evenr, but it's all I have for now.",2.3104566210045654,3.810093858447495,3.8645890410958894,89.02555936073061,76.1689497716895,7.0584474885844735,25.865296803652967,7.793537801064563,1.3384447488584472,821,30,178,12,18,273,120,219,0.027999999999999997,0.875,0.098,0.9349,6,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,1,6,7,1,1,14,0,20,6,1,1,5,43,35,17,0,3,9,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,5,0,8,9,1,2,11,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,9,4,28,5,30,23,9,27,0,0,0,3,8,13,0,4,12,130,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998350080283598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769484442749554,0.1045087951178656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707711299324487,0.0,0.0,0.1524381140847096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043457844972607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872175408356265,0.0970963556754245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302697710463084,0.0,0.15448510941474286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109969527340528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469429292485412,0.0,0.0,0.14391236323939785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328005643595779,0.13622064571176956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991177702686496,0.10077785175462613,0.10482457216182026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919178504102876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653732428629387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546988787035815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6158522531559251,0.0,0.12928449504029355,0.10808356326894586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104632555138734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809650131722694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612629062298698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882974000564146,0.0,0.0,0.09227608271808768,0.29566887882342824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101539165938375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752358921873626
ptsd,DDkilo311,2020/01/01,"Why I can't stand the thought that tonight is the beginning to another year. I'm a two-time combat vet, I served in Iraq (Al-Anbar) for a year in 06-07, and Afghanistan 09-10 as infantry in the Marine Corps. Since I got out of the military in 2010 I have always been good because of my insane drive to do things ""right"" or OCD as the Dr puts it. But I just can't find any consistency and it makes suicide seem like a viable and practical option at this point. I genuinely don't know how to be a normal person anymore, I've had good ""starter jobs"" where I destroy myself working my fingers to the bone and everyone around me says they want to promote me. It always comes crashing down with extreme anxiety I hide from other people, 2019 was the worst year of my life and I'm sitting here on new years eve thinking, ""do I really want another year?"". In 2019, I got divorced by a wife who cheated and then got an abortion without telling me, had to quit my job because she wanted to live in a place we could only afford on two incomes, and paid off the rest of the 6 months remaining on the lease by eating nothing but tortilla's and peanut butter while working at McDonald's and living on the floor of my old friends house. I used to have such energy to start over and get motivated about the next big thing. While I was working at MCD I got promoted to shift manager and my strange and bad communicating boss(genuinely I think her anxiety kept her from being capable of reassurance or straight forward communication). She always said nice things and told me what a good job I was doing but, the more I worked the more it became me picking up just a little bit more of everyone else's job until I was working to the point of being drenched in sweat every single night ( I managed the overnight). I did such a good job in fact, that when an employee called out or the shift before me left a huge mess it started to give me panic attacks because I was 100% positive I wouldn't be able to deliver the results I was normally capable of. During this process I found out I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It wasn't the kind of thing where the doctor said ""you arent going to make it"" but hearing the big ""C"" word when you already have diagnosed PTSD/Acute anxiety disorder, and are stressed beyond belief in this kind of job while sleeping on the floor because you are still paying off debt from a divorce you didn't want was ""it"". I just couldn't take it anymore, so I quit and came home to my parents farm while I got treatment, I am cancer free now post surgery by 7 days and I genuinely can't find it in myself to start over again. I just want to give up on life because it feels like a cycle of try hard and do the right things and wait for some non-existent god to answer prayers for stability, I look around and realize I genuinely am a good person who wants the absolute best for people around me. Then I struggle to ever find anything that takes the edge off so that I can not be freaking out as the pressure builds and gives me chest pains. What is life and why do I have to keep doing it?",7.5177579686655855,6.060812361426263,7.596964343598057,77.22758049702865,63.959481361426256,10.755029713668288,35.801674770394385,9.642632912329526,3.165902258238789,2445,94,490,39,30,793,303,617,0.111,0.763,0.127,0.8875,12,0,0,0,2,2,57.0,1,4,1,11,23,26,3,4,41,0,44,16,5,7,2,85,89,43,1,11,13,2,3,2,1,1,10,4,1,2,29,33,1,3,14,0,4,6,11,12,0,1,27,9,63,15,85,54,9,90,1,0,1,0,30,51,0,6,34,324,92,19,0.059141562662755526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652641850464695,0.0,0.14763155360165212,0.0,0.0,0.040218290661272714,0.1240301701994838,0.13572940067829725,0.0,0.11730507669900335,0.0,0.0,0.04866846688372828,0.15794558852781454,0.0,0.06728206548208407,0.0,0.0,0.049380734478678114,0.18026073833538664,0.0,0.05032511384408892,0.0,0.062065421270104976,0.0,0.06456726889729343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039014790178643,0.06764219219412665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050945219482122335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472197253934574,0.0,0.0,0.03814141525807161,0.0,0.0,0.12005488236516584,0.0,0.0,0.06778135459621662,0.06053389542791567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051658331130377,0.049405186725165084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053496929346824366,0.04982931729805341,0.1130245951605024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02990375108741825,0.04225074418331553,0.0,0.0,0.16216295050203686,0.0,0.0,0.06484567085061177,0.0456926246062556,0.0,0.030899025513308906,0.17020192783109056,0.03361151297909037,0.2480256840454209,0.2365045517298685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052979223559057306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665683939877548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059323809459015435,0.0,0.0,0.0682414228146197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35213325149976293,0.05256773828531767,0.0,0.12317367312879475,0.03250265615396744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425748087896077,0.0,0.12532030419750712,0.057787160322605224,0.05927538283407228,0.10444616670973972,0.0,0.04966401745354082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895490463829942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047206231073991294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057119289754092674,0.06289772283824044,0.05550035019966802,0.11589234893355416,0.056747924431679524,0.0,0.06205912133289172,0.0,0.0,0.04497982342590645,0.06293079246337775,0.06938988102321113,0.06566970640492148,0.0,0.0,0.08200262586630078,0.10328026264140742,0.06179034534262552,0.0,0.11181578591744744,0.0,0.05664126879302352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913332187704589,0.0594536054852855,0.0,0.12580866354136708,0.0,0.0,0.03788759944802342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101314273996974,0.11251433874771298,0.04703174439793377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384025744642065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892251178667669,0.0,0.0591842739920117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558210735795253,0.0,0.04723052833874748,0.0,0.06774646021170423,0.06182760230505624,0.0,0.0646912704890085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893418972820957,0.0,0.051692332537141936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964551315299242,0.07579105064531746,0.0,0.04695179457757262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565122975802512,0.0,0.04015323889387922,0.0,0.11554542623270142,0.0,0.0,0.05107932138286453,0.0,0.0,0.20929935578127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067321228430362,0.0,0.0,0.0570103559353111,0.0,0.21527880995548893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042613661258054
ptsd,altaccbruh,2020/01/02,"Does anyone else have trouble reading? No matter what I do I can't focus. I read things over and over again but the words don't mean anything, I look at them, I understand them, but only as individual words, they don't make sense together.

There's also issues of not being able to focus at all with background noise which contributes, and frustrates me.


Is there anything I can do to help myself",4.425043859649122,6.233793171052637,5.0315789473684225,81.5493859649123,71.23684210526315,7.171929824561403,25.824561403508767,7.793537801064563,1.5153666666666663,315,10,57,4,6,101,56,76,0.1,0.8370000000000001,0.063,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,1,13,13,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,11,0,9,12,1,5,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,44,14,2,0.2401988704223717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208694989530906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795263510123776,0.24611212813697805,0.3953264081749399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101996501782411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065533459203488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610002396692304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507052150952417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017065555234291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603346111817295,0.0,0.0,0.26164698660174823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268206473185328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805277432959879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595774563862958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500554951778285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BlueAzzure,2020/01/02,"Get Ready For Label Changes and Diagnosis Roulette - ""The Impact of the New ICD-11 Criteria on Abused Young People: 30% Less PTSD and CPTSD Diagnoses Compared to DSM-IV"" > Dear Editor,
> 
> The diagnostic criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) have been reformulated and narrowed for ICD-11 [1] to six core symptoms across the clusters re-experiencing, avoidance, and hyperarousal.  In comparison,  PTSD criteria in  DSM-IV  consist of sixteen symptoms across three clusters, in DSM-5 of twenty symptoms across four clusters,  and in  ICD-10  of thirteen symptoms across three clusters. 
> 
> The new ICD-11 diagnosis Complex PTSD (CPTSD) requires symptoms of PTSD and in addition disturbances of self-organization: affect dysregulation, negative self-concept, and interpersonal problems. Impairment represented in the disturbances of self-organization domains is not necessarily associated with trauma-related stimuli.  CPTSD  typically follows prolonged or multiple events, but diagnosis does not require a certain type and frequency of a traumatic event...

>.
>.
>**In conclusion, the current  findings indicate that the  ICD-11 PTSD criteria are less sensitive than other diagnostic manuals and may not, therefore, identify all traumatized and impaired young people with high psychological distress. This might lead to restricted access to eligible treatment for some young people since ICD is mainly used in clinical practice. ICD-11 does not as yet provide developmentally  sensitive adaptations or wording of PTSD and CPTSD criteria, and this topic needs to be discussed critically. Furthermore, differences between diagnostic manuals  might lead to limited comparability of treatment studies and to reduced relevance of research for practitioners.** 

*Eilers, R., Rimane, E., Vogel, A., Renneberg, B., Steil, R., & Rosner, R. (2019). The Impact of the New ICD-11 Criteria on Abused Young People: 30% Less PTSD and CPTSD Diagnoses Compared to DSM-IV. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 1–3. doi:10.1159/000503794*  

Full text at  https://sci-hub.tw/https://doi.org/10.1159/000503794",12.189748803827749,15.402955750000006,10.371459330143539,45.31612440191388,54.0,13.685167464114835,49.01555023923446,12.719339214003902,7.989182894736841,1724,107,182,62,22,530,171,304,0.127,0.862,0.011000000000000001,-0.9877,2,1,0,0,2,0,120.0,0,0,0,6,1,8,0,5,13,0,9,8,0,5,2,47,13,19,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,4,18,0,5,3,0,0,3,5,6,0,4,1,0,0,2,44,8,7,31,0,0,0,0,1,17,0,6,11,105,4,6,0.0,0.1824061174303756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340262794288389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142958522443823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562564732665132,0.0,0.08042273046248091,0.0882202807064251,0.0,0.13472308241174696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035396434459543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040216379866967966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132855516602877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331710633314028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057076156598941725,0.0,0.22302946610655167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345972548600586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365489796316925,0.7198393833812293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24090585306370266,0.0,0.0,0.06367470447285682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817486419896371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000336786109928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648188277638135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Zoni_Zonah,2020/01/02,"My parents actively kept me from getting the help I needed early on and the anger and resentment are eating me alive Not getting into details aside from the fact that my PTSD is CSA-related. I never told my parents (that I remember, it happened when I was 5-6 and my parents have always treated me like a dramatic liar so maybe I did tell them and forgot)

Last year (I was 25 or 26) my mother told me that when I was a child I used to be happy and curious and full of life, and that it suddenly changed ""for no reason"". I have no memories of ever having been anything other than a sad, sometimes angry child. She can be quite abusive emotionally so I'm not really sure what she wanted me to take away from that, it felt a little accusatory like she believes 5 year-old-me decided to become bitter just to flex on her.

It reminded me of when I was 13 and I went to a doctor for my insomnia. After talking with her and testing a few things she wanted to talk to my parents so they came with me to the next appointment. he told them that there seemed to be no physical problem but from our conversation she could tell that I probably needed therapy. My father basically told her that I was a dramatic idiot who made things up for attention and we left.

Now the trauma is resurfacing, new memories are coming and I can barely function. Not to mention the added trauma of having grown up without effective coping mechanisms and the abusive relationship I got into and stayed into because I didn't know I was a human being who deserved to be treated as such. I'm so angry and I can't stop thinking about where I would be now if they had allowed me to get help 14 years ago, or better yet 22 years ago when they noticed something had drastically changed.

I don't know what I want by posting this, feels good to get it off my chest among people who can understand.",6.173762813027118,6.057637662125341,7.141245620864153,74.99039963669394,66.11171662125341,10.151239133255483,33.280005190086925,9.842372674337009,3.1933405735046057,1470,58,273,29,21,495,196,367,0.135,0.795,0.07,-0.9731,5,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,5,3,17,17,5,0,15,0,32,5,1,5,4,61,64,27,0,9,9,6,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,22,22,1,3,12,0,0,4,11,9,0,0,22,3,53,8,42,34,2,41,0,1,0,0,41,14,0,4,23,207,75,2,0.0,0.21264728328762944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909282808722924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466835199685702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738458844555762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843108421059473,0.0,0.0,0.054702827137718464,0.09910743876762343,0.0,0.10110284136262376,0.0,0.07936506211465028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026351933588318,0.0,0.0,0.18985964200268352,0.07730045822952741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164767268629793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184959653845896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182332843007457,0.0,0.10094201876744847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811722315541961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537371092591593,0.0,0.08616156877267371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753546301731494,0.0,0.0,0.07526711720667341,0.07177085664928103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793541107566447,0.0955266786903122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029760572607992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863418942615904,0.07314761177478098,0.0,0.0,0.0974994860579966,0.0,0.06338387938002396,0.08768190652879801,0.08994002384094876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491129562809685,0.0,0.0,0.09015285299880353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307766002855673,0.06921068733809994,0.08666852977806767,0.0954362911066852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021661409711713,0.09416386002690202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985691649580845,0.0,0.0,0.06221231962415993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594321659442479,0.0,0.0967516368097746,0.08586616596712482,0.104897721795082,0.0,0.0,0.09544631900550384,0.0,0.0,0.05748780412216591,0.0922645561174827,0.0,0.09634392817643983,0.10165449965738964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169317188366465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908390761580449,0.08875216298337563,0.0,0.0,0.09564767561628472,0.0,0.07502412937398409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457603707730843,0.0,0.06747103740199588,0.14425436288493632,0.1568681431817719,0.0,0.10262205172914332,0.0,0.11923451772847345,0.05749983025037594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34299010136484315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341935586662062,0.0,0.07750393440417536,0.0,0.0,0.1587875788297915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318707499237744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650324176490164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374657246086643,0.0,0.0,0.2311506793950958
ptsd,TreevengerAA,2020/01/02,"I hate how PTSD is changing me and I don‘t like who I’m becoming. I feel like every single aspect of my personality is affected by it. I have so many problems with regulating my emotions, which is affecting my personal relationships. I lost a lot of joy in things i usually loved doing. I am stressed and tired all the time and i get really snappy. I don‘t like myself like this. 
I plan to start with therapy soon and i hope i can work out some of my problems there, but i can‘t help but think, that some parts of myself are never going to go back to normal.
Before all of this i had finally started liking who i was or at least who i was becoming. It feels like i‘m back to square one. 
Anybody else feel like this?",2.8866666666666667,4.5996765555555585,4.659444444444446,83.03000000000002,75.1111111111111,8.133333333333335,24.5,8.841846274778883,1.7763999999999998,560,18,114,12,12,190,92,144,0.087,0.728,0.185,0.9379,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,6,15,1,1,2,0,14,2,0,3,3,27,29,9,0,4,3,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,4,4,23,10,15,25,8,14,0,1,1,1,8,3,0,5,16,88,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692063786949315,0.0,0.0,0.28283593196131723,0.10895865420631927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545685736460975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696692456699106,0.14403575708927935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788520756527377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942333891762408,0.2744306295873542,0.0,0.14026934330362387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689932677841938,0.0,0.1455442398555083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642000531403855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858272745500666,0.0,0.0,0.127179666145011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43790142900261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977853979359248,0.10886106863035402,0.11556751045879053,0.0,0.0,0.12981966545047718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875782029264647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254589747350608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867680314098969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386625353001236,0.0,0.0,0.22361158403628195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24504757036654146,0.14968021206811402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203025351823627,0.0,0.0,0.13747466917437628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126479822788275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466775247598624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464330225940455,0.0,0.08506880604281125,0.08204741379007087,0.0,0.0,0.0746652959446409,0.14717130931109734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102579446075925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321981658922043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Just_a_Lurker2,2020/01/02,"Probably not related but Just in case. DAE get really territorial over their stuff, space etc?
I mean even if I trust a person I still cant let them go near it without hovering nearby the whole time and I thoug, well, if anybody would know if its PTSD it would be you guys. And if it isn't, thats one cause I can write of. So, really curious about y'alls opinion. Thanks in advance!",1.6108116883116883,3.8809798701298703,3.3351785714285747,88.29419642857144,81.46753246753245,7.486363636363637,21.313311688311693,8.472884824447931,1.2914428571428576,298,9,64,7,8,99,64,77,0.0,0.81,0.19,0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,2,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,17,12,8,0,6,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,9,3,7,8,2,9,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,5,2,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275733734052525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470656380614673,0.1463191444744302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157408106971896,0.0,0.12590117961109884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935053147152486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217476509559132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265304695082269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413122166986021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011514736528347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343233530109902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388479000285819,0.0,0.25895789874643776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28383687851876394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691495277832228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536000085287762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395599271733106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917651491772605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918298507920296,0.0,0.0,0.2473314641732047,0.0,0.2135479907366707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147385505473857,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pizzahoarder09876,2020/01/02,"Does anyone have a hard time finding the right medication? I have ptsd and hyper vigilance and my dr and I are working on finding a medication that will help me sleep and reduce anxiey, but they all seem to make things worse and make me more hyper. I’ve tried amytriptaline, trazodone, prozac, lexapro, lithium. Like nothing can calm me down. I can’t take Xanax or benzos. I’m at a loss here.",3.395142857142858,5.741100666666667,3.6925714285714304,87.67200000000004,75.66666666666666,5.885714285714287,25.380952380952376,6.868970318607317,1.0202952380952377,310,11,59,3,7,96,58,75,0.142,0.7909999999999999,0.067,-0.6851,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,4,0,6,6,1,2,1,13,11,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,2,4,10,2,5,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576391205057255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494496054610205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072101248842317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955553511110766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931606852635973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088327359863449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29739749256949416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488287651658772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137510077659962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604027789460457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902418570768503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279877022477535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229279455836642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749310983297305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799654001752469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989726755575134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124421491342038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621770770983887,0.0,0.22701867164731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,squishyanimetiddies,2020/01/02,"Things I Discovered in 2019 [TW: Sexual Abuse] It took me so many years until late 2019 that my parents were abusive. I suppressed so much emotional, mental, and sexual abuse that happened with my stepdad. It took much time to talk to peers and my boyfriend to discover that I was sexually abused for years. For years, I was manipulated into uncomfortable and even sexual situations, and if I refused, I just worsened my stepdad's depression, out of guilt, I would do things so he could stop sobbing or drinking. The worst thing I discovered was being mentally manipulated that being naked in front of your parents was normal (implanted by my stepdad), and it was drilled in my head to the point where it was normal to me. I never felt so disgusting, gross and extremely uncomfortable in my life
My mother was so authoritative, I was sheltered as a child, and I never had the opportunity to go out with friends. I was actually going insane at one point because I stayed in that damn house for 17 years. If I ever tried to leave would constantly guilt me of being a ""terrible child"" and ""didn't appreciate the things she does for me"" or she'll say she doesn't love me anymore all because I wanted to leave the house and be with friends or have a boyfriend, (mind you I was 17). Every time I didn't like her strict parenting style, it was an act of defiance for her. She destroys my self esteem and tells me I don't deserve anything. She's also a psychopath when it comes to people that want to help me out. Because I'm her daughter, no one else should take care of me except her. 
Now that I'm in college and away from them, I noticed that my parents are awful people. I don't talk to them now, and my mental health has improved but there's still a lot of pain to deal with. 2020, I'm going to seek for help, hopefully get a therapist, and get proper diagnosis. 
2019 was a shit year, but 2020 won't be.",4.7869668542839285,5.984419626016263,5.7103116531165306,79.40053939962478,69.54200542005421,8.82055451323744,29.63946216385241,9.162432508145574,2.461124577861164,1498,57,289,29,26,493,179,369,0.17300000000000001,0.774,0.053,-0.9861,4,0,1,0,3,0,47.0,0,2,2,2,15,19,4,2,13,1,34,7,2,2,4,52,53,29,0,11,9,6,1,1,2,5,3,1,0,3,18,22,1,3,1,1,0,8,9,12,0,2,19,2,52,7,46,23,5,42,0,2,0,1,34,15,3,7,19,207,70,1,0.0,0.3796602193430104,0.07817399575089834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406245622839755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794457561410953,0.0,0.0,0.06592217933971993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526424112280206,0.0,0.0,0.14649954865656986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167559481346244,0.0,0.0,0.0690060753963201,0.0,0.08656844798636366,0.0,0.0639598369350024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258798203911542,0.06899702964339423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010317929514326,0.0,0.0,0.07847548658801692,0.0,0.0,0.06692007758102582,0.09011088313397043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291067558777409,0.07246240525617974,0.06749456889911479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691638377275753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378271133924534,0.0,0.08370640095063091,0.0,0.13658191813071432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083936984721853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082214070041929,0.0851512142548022,0.0,0.0,0.10738960467843288,0.0,0.0,0.07956546530252838,0.0,0.1848680922672366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036547910212037,0.16964592197850806,0.0,0.0,0.05658275331851074,0.03913679421442362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810508190066017,0.0723007303150496,0.0,0.0,0.08121708760587887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421905116720825,0.0,0.0808863922229512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177774108402206,0.0,0.12356868298252155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697795101602954,0.0,0.09120365633375647,0.0,0.0,0.10856670726971657,0.0,0.08524071647197286,0.0,0.35580246841589874,0.0,0.0,0.11107380517247396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514561843476962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370521381467742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357026827795543,0.0,0.08222986172945848,0.0,0.0900449136485523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538462599357431,0.06397446968886561,0.06697399791282027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602313569759873,0.12877578826154512,0.0700180514036538,0.0,0.0,0.09301173302334073,0.21288117324696507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342340947825148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800619779702653,0.05438817338866928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449972128403428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381305845380432,0.0,0.0,0.2579351011556435
ptsd,onwardtomanagua,2020/01/02,"Nightmare so scary I cried for help and woke myself up Just need to share after having a really tough night of nightmares. I won't get into the detail of the nightmare but it was extremely terrifying and disturbing. I shouted myself awake but then was so tired I fell back asleep. After that, I felt trapped in my nightmare. Now I am exhausted, full of anxiety, and fearful of sleep. 

Thanks for lettting me share.",2.5445454545454567,5.479691831168837,3.350662337662339,84.75456493506495,85.23376623376623,6.196883116883117,24.58311688311689,7.554174236665415,1.6893231168831169,329,13,57,6,10,104,57,77,0.35100000000000003,0.5479999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.9801,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,3,0,5,4,2,0,0,9,10,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,2,10,3,12,5,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23831324328234024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239540953644352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34219195299138505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35054851400206194,0.0,0.0,0.29910967942141176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275722756177724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880642493189475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309893888672869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29234200681555295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956877418271235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117466713002783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28680732162945594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580483606277169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,doodlebug4322,2020/01/02,"I’m afraid to go to sleep because I’m emotionally exhausted from reliving my sexual assault in my dreams Even if I could sleep I don’t think I could convince myself that it’d be okay. Ive been dealing with a lot of triggers lately since visiting family for the holidays (my mom wanted me to explain in detail what happened and asked to see his picture). I should have just told her that seeing his face again would bring back terrible memories but I thought that it had been long enough and that I’d be okay talking about it now, I was wrong. I haven’t been able to sleep more than a a couple hours a night for the past couple days, does anyone have any tips on tricking themselves to fall asleep?",9.061103117505994,6.5260533956834506,8.47089928057554,75.59277577937651,61.80575539568345,11.856594724220624,36.835731414868114,10.125756701596842,3.412927098321343,558,19,111,9,6,177,96,139,0.079,0.8440000000000001,0.077,-0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,2,1,6,2,17,6,5,1,0,16,30,4,0,6,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,2,0,4,2,6,0,0,7,2,16,3,16,16,3,16,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,2,9,73,24,0,0.15423029504530822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488188941298172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784140832865588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418450630792248,0.0,0.0,0.11859357682188032,0.0,0.09401735634577647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246280681520702,0.3413057759210765,0.0,0.0994657811502596,0.15900466196218324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496797053376666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348832309578288,0.0,0.15936112313841885,0.0,0.10186765529687072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539459602396715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765263091279274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638534055519472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518857732925342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739784906099067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648895777075046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112108151997734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063265752355576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473468405330614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723026814239093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24580315377499345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758089383337173,0.0,0.4630250349596545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396446901767635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988245455186674,0.0,0.12244162657484195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737365630988394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096902398687877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956077651684433,0.16862661615471147,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TwitchyNotes,2020/01/02,"I think I triggered my Mum by accident. I was watching the Netflix show You last night (spoilers) and in one of the final episodes Joe (lil kid) asks his mum why she kept going back to his abusive Dad over and over again and his Mum said, “Because you needed a Dad. I wanted you to have a Dad.” After a pause my Mum got up and made herself and my Nan a drink and I had emotional flashbacks for a bit. Still feeling the affect now a bit but I want to know my Mum was and is okay but I can’t without triggering her more. I hate this.",0.8187662337662331,2.7127596428571468,2.4987662337662364,95.2825974025974,82.03571428571428,5.1441558441558435,22.68181818181818,6.1124844417494595,0.25168571428571385,408,14,93,3,11,134,73,112,0.095,0.845,0.06,-0.7776,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,4,2,1,0,9,1,6,1,0,4,0,21,19,9,0,3,3,8,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,1,1,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,7,3,21,1,12,12,3,13,0,0,1,0,20,4,0,0,8,64,22,0,0.0,0.2499745106166649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723601318112816,0.0,0.0,0.1622291110203168,0.0,0.12861027172967116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606668137724758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667818597577106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373219290831076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667685011734816,0.0,0.0,0.2311161604364866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990369776038977,0.0,0.1687384338052019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829716274707893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594802835324952,0.1719752838924925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963254871918934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643756376917045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979886243168123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296419870363614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068845569832772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848735724915775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518622674278194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488806609474725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037489039332364,0.0,0.0,0.2033753283148036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,doddle30,2020/01/02,"Advice - working with PTSD hey guys im wondering if you can help ive been suffering with PTSD which i was not asked about when joining my organisation (ie they didnt ask me about health issues). its really affected my work lately, lots of avoidance on certain tasks and going over the top of others. i havent been performing. i have been signed off now by my doctor and am wondering what to do. can you get fired if you weren't well? or do you have to declare before starting?",4.174392097264441,5.5778435212765975,5.087568389057751,82.50500000000002,71.23404255319149,8.350151975683891,26.19452887537993,8.841846274778883,1.8927039513677808,377,12,74,7,7,123,70,94,0.13699999999999998,0.795,0.067,-0.7825,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,1,4,5,4,0,1,1,0,15,2,0,1,1,15,22,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,6,1,13,2,12,16,1,9,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,6,4,54,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858727455584695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556446667196803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185621116359025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468981215402129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937780198024763,0.0,0.1081017354302598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833956276555253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021862226183216,0.0,0.0,0.12749494360371186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054613580094362,0.1985316750173324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456716776909854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617112494649991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44469477322348494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185453401534818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463287369052418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710232296611717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41255311320677146,0.2769528759032882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hannah2lovely,2020/01/02,"Should I push myself? I have been having the same conflict with my partner for awhile now.  4 years ago I was with someone who assaulted me with a kitchen knife and strangled me until I blacked out. That was just what ended our relationship but it had been 2 years of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. I have terrible flashbacks, and triggers, and they usually go on through the night. I live in the basement of my mom's house now; it is the only place I feel safe enough to live. My boyfriend now is a wonderful guy, but he really wants me to spend the night with him, at his place, and I am really terrified to go there right now. I have too many nightmares and flashbacks and am not wanting to have them anywhere else but my/ mother's house. I think my boyfriend is getting frustrated, and I wonder am I overreacting? Should I push myself?",4.7414814814814825,6.2528571604938294,4.971296296296295,83.46583333333334,69.98765432098764,8.609876543209879,30.16666666666667,9.075114841892004,2.492755555555555,668,27,129,13,12,210,98,162,0.159,0.778,0.063,-0.9540000000000001,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,1,0,2,0,9,4,2,0,7,0,18,1,0,1,0,30,27,12,0,4,5,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,13,1,2,4,0,1,4,1,3,0,0,5,2,28,1,17,20,2,23,0,0,1,0,12,7,0,2,12,96,33,0,0.0,0.1833994961546162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721099118649402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930623632074148,0.174116641384403,0.13709699240897846,0.15993827730289614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782659020498503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087079434251833,0.0,0.17594016047542452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326531421977085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572111403775438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733628108824851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693161608386702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128685026816746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905177320237405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772390842139965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32344284180770155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832342361561392,0.0,0.0,0.1661853150619912,0.0,0.13218884668218686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311521047163011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918245588523236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047806861496465,0.0,0.18259696841807266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357238468621174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993579108157079
ptsd,arichou04,2020/01/02,"Does it look like PTSD? So I’m 17 F, and I think I might have PTSD and will very probably try and consult a therapist about it sooner than later.

So, I’ve never liked to drive, I’ve always been scared and stressed about it and thought I wasn’t ever liking the feeling of controlling a deadly weapon. But, I live in a region where there’s only common transportation in the bigger cities and so, my parents still wanted me to have my license. I’ve failed my theorical test to get my driver’s license 2 times before succeeding the third time. I’ve failed 2 times the practical exam and still not practiced for the third try, that I still haven’t scheduled.

The thing is that I was involved in a car crash back in September as my father lost control during heavy rain and we hit the rock on the side of the road. Happily, the impact happened on the back of the car and we didn’t have any injuries or felt any impact. But still, if we had hit the rock on the side or front, it would have been way way worse. So, I’ve been terrified of either being in a car, especially when there’s rain/ snow/ slippery road and I panic very easily. And so, I’ve also been terrified of driving.  

So, dear redditers, I’d like to hear from you, either being your story or an opinion :)",4.084062362758015,5.172006288537549,4.956488801054019,84.56149648660521,71.09486166007906,7.677558190601668,25.51800614844093,7.984000788550335,1.3839821695212993,993,29,199,13,18,323,137,253,0.138,0.77,0.092,-0.9191,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,3,2,0,6,20,13,1,3,20,0,19,0,0,2,2,35,32,26,1,3,9,2,2,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,7,14,0,2,4,2,0,7,5,7,0,2,11,4,18,6,23,14,2,38,0,3,1,0,10,14,0,6,19,128,25,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171902815465003,0.10583771189725147,0.0,0.0,0.1729960197327382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561257783285724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823488821228784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285323473708212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131055048888697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505655378133445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431439312988188,0.0,0.12212862676762047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664549430064417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247948143381907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335974645307825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485672206127511,0.0,0.1123168763517709,0.0,0.10681305945795656,0.0,0.13885005040892728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349354296588515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098101814099351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673870138464197,0.0,0.14923773523650688,0.14123670646212155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713938487207356,0.0,0.29737190017246506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734592749725576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063172888819659,0.0,0.14570320835256834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768498816815728,0.08450373014851785,0.08150240771935496,0.0,0.10097984583231646,0.2225079784283046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271620433903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990093540967472,0.0750238156310051,0.20192538800785506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962414232986555,0.0903567735207874,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Anomaly-on-Earth,2020/01/02,"Police caused my PTSD I’ve been suffering from traumatic episodes that get worse by the day. I’ve accepted what happened to me and the events that occurred but there is one thing I can never accept and I can not even believe.... 

Backstory: 

I was in a severe car accident that totaled my truck, shattered my femur, and fractured my hip. The truck I hit was parked in the middle of a two lane road going one way, in the middle of nowhere with no street lights for miles. For awhile I didn’t think anyone was coming to help and I was pulled from my truck by the other party. After laying on the side of the road for x amount of time, a car pulled up, a cop got out and started talking to the 3 people who were from the other party. After they were done talking, they all approached me laying on the ground, the cop shined a light in my face and started to ask me questions like why did I hit them trying to make it sound like it was my fault but the truck didn’t have any lights on and it was parked in the middle of the road while the men i the other party were doing something in the woods!! 

Regardless, after the cop asked me some questions she realized I wasn’t at fault and I was coherent, which is when this night took a turn I never saw coming and I am still struggling with the reality of. 

After the cop was done questioning me, she handed her flashlight to one of the guys from the other party and told him to keep it in my eyes so I can’t see. Meanwhile she walked to her cruiser, pulled it closer to me and she went into the trunk of her car and the next thing I hear is one of the guys saying you don’t need your gun because we can just use his gun (referring to me). Luckily I heard her say no we are not killing anyone as she walked closer to where I was laying. Next the female cop tried to ask me questions and I refused to answer or acknowledge her, which is when she pressed on my leg where there was an open wound I sustained. I screamed in pain and she tried to tell me she was there to help. Next she told me to look at her but I told her no because I knew she was just gonna shine the light in my face. But she tried to assure me she wasn’t going to do that and she wanted to see if I was alright, so I lifted my head up to look at her and as my eyes tried to adjust from a flashlight in my eyes to the pitch black night, the cop hit me in the head with her gun and knocked me unconscious... 

This is where my PTSD stems from. This is why I have no faith in society or law enforcement and this is where i can barely believe this happened. I mean a cop hit me in the face after I just experienced a horrific car accident that wasn’t my fault!! Cops are supposed to be held to a higher standard but they can choose to operate at that level or lower when convenient for them. To make matters even worse, the female cop put the investigation onto another cop just so she didn’t lie under oath if she got a subpoena. 

Still to this day I don’t know why she did it and I couldn’t even tell anyone because I never thought anyone would believe me, especially since I cannot believe myself. 

4-5 days ago I was having a flashback that lasted at least an hour before I could regain control. I went to my parents house to get some aspirin for my headache and that’s when I had another episode in front of my father. During which I told him the truth about the fact that I can not stop thinking about my accident and what happened during my accident. The next morning he thought I was losing my mind but I assured him it was the truth and he immediately called a lawyer. 

Now I can’t stop thinking about my accident. Flashbacks and thoughts are more frequent than ever before however I have found a slice of peace in telling my family what happened. I see a therapist tomorrow but I doubt anyone can help but I need someone to help because my PTSD has messed my life up in multiple areas and I need help with it. 

How do I stop flashbacks or crippling thoughts of pain that I experienced? How do I put this in the past and leave it there? I mean I’ve accepted the reality of the situation that people do stupid shit that leads to other people getting hurt and the dumbass people are immune to prosecution because they have a family or friends in law enforcement and unfortunately law enforcement controls the narrative of an investigation and apparently they can just choose to not confess the reality of a crime, when they are held to a higher standard!  

Clearly the justice system is broken for multiple reasons but this experience affected me to the point of changing my career path to being a politician or legislator so I can enact laws and regulations that eliminate biased cops from a potentially bias situation. I would also make them take an ethics course yearly because no cop should be unethical no matter the situation. I have so many emotions running through that I can’t stop thinking about it and I want to!",5.469770642201837,5.7651308623853215,6.050720183486241,80.8030527522936,67.59327217125383,8.945708460754332,30.111467889908266,8.794040026160912,2.2206771865443424,3900,135,776,59,60,1269,353,981,0.139,0.7509999999999999,0.109,-0.991,5,0,1,3,2,0,62.0,2,2,9,4,37,27,3,2,71,1,80,18,12,12,12,150,145,63,1,13,26,2,2,2,1,4,6,6,0,3,46,41,0,10,29,0,0,22,26,15,0,5,50,26,139,12,119,82,7,120,2,3,12,0,79,54,1,15,44,560,185,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046026009121360414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04152226528566241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035308962123514295,0.10889017185316696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152648771560195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562109723188985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899082077608956,0.0,0.0883641502095728,0.2339947239457044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053018500036623034,0.0,0.0,0.05333853139106351,0.054926936177176366,0.08945297254020372,0.0,0.0,0.11647060714664828,0.041455752295455034,0.0,0.0,0.100456814390271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626913294188274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840562811507478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288261975312643,0.04696671641120331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078999787086665,0.09789549583263883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693015039405633,0.04011506021313292,0.0,0.08138181684733993,0.0,0.0590173087507919,0.0,0.08305405447884735,0.0,0.0,0.10282253177049716,0.18365896536833046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657457198719704,0.0,0.05852023492064689,0.0,0.17401220296965814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113303208306785,0.059911392896076936,0.05558392378909255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615094897164276,0.0574443607068213,0.0,0.028535152443938495,0.042323625611908416,0.0,0.0549782461658089,0.0,0.0,0.036674274328603367,0.05073325150094152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720335361528432,0.058087801496905525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397566722137674,0.052641088959765936,0.0,0.11311726897421324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052426747796047335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549924031079545,0.12013709599677615,0.0,0.22087993068181308,0.09745117113735853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407356472368835,0.0,0.1104980311672862,0.0,0.057653598350126886,0.0,0.049565735231988366,0.14398561267199822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908338078092248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208326138384587,0.10439255720073293,0.2326595520878544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338479870523353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258143517514167,0.0,0.0,0.12412611407543005,0.0,0.0,0.058657449196234036,0.0532975214212969,0.04295068455821551,0.17508860941000215,0.0,0.0,0.04399361826454226,0.039972343194765,0.0,0.0,0.07350177906927371,0.0,0.0829304731139277,0.1736375576148954,0.0,0.05428048860562519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03903912728472254,0.0834663975964744,0.1361472042908766,0.0,0.0,0.0602858223154171,0.06898977240561424,0.13307891969231606,0.0,0.16488210802722106,0.03027632579694531,0.0,0.0,0.19845603002668372,0.05768761457622551,0.1762592551708831,0.05647658073852355,0.05072056782269354,0.0,0.0,0.04484421874595164,0.0,0.0,0.061250266186913274,0.04121352553636831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962650326456998,0.14055546944673838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582657193822374,0.07376826122999366,0.0,0.0,0.033436275557356024
ptsd,grangersthrowaway,2020/01/02,"Do nightmares/flashbacks ever stop? It feels unbearable. I was sexually abused and forced into prostitution as a child and it took me so many years to get out of that situation, and now it's like I can't stop reliving it. The nightmares I have when I sleep are so terrible, people who have slept next to me before have told me that I move really violently in my sleep and mumble things like the words 'no' and 'stop' and sound like I'm in pain, and waking up from them is always the worst, sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of hyperventilating, thinking that I'm going to die and it takes me ages to calm down and be reassured that I'm somewhere safe, other times I'll feel so shocked and sick to my stomach that I'll just go to the bathroom and throw up. They're always so vivid and that's what I hate about them the most, it feels like I go right back to that place again every time I go to sleep. There are times where I don't sleep for days just to avoid having one and it's so miserable, forcing myself to stay up for such long periods of time, but it's all I can do. Sometimes I don't eat for days too because I feel so sick from it all and don't know how else to deal with anything. Flashbacks are the worst, sometimes I'll have days where I just have one after the other and it feels nonstop and like I'll never get out. It makes me feel helpless and paralyzed, like I can't move or speak even after it's over. It's so scary because I'll get stuck in these states where I'll be going through everything again and I can't get out of it, and all anyone else sees is me dissociating and rocking back and forth, sometimes crying, and it probably makes me look completely insane but I can't control it, they just hit me and I can't stop it and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I genuinely can't separate what's happening from what's not and it's so fucking scary, I feel like my life is just one big flashback and nightmare sometimes, I'm so busy being thrown back into my past and having to relive it over and over that I hardly get to take in the life that I currently have. It's so hard. Surely I can't live like this forever. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 14 but it got super bad at the beginning of 2019 and just has not stopped.

Please tell me things will get easier eventually.",5.00955882352941,4.85408260294118,5.715630252100841,84.36319327731093,68.55882352941177,8.984873949579834,27.92436974789916,8.634040054169528,1.720803361344538,1813,52,396,26,28,592,198,476,0.16,0.758,0.08199999999999999,-0.9901,1,1,0,0,2,0,33.0,0,0,3,2,33,25,3,2,11,0,36,16,8,4,6,77,77,46,1,0,12,0,9,8,0,1,6,2,0,1,41,36,1,8,10,1,0,9,15,12,0,3,7,14,41,13,52,65,6,69,0,2,3,1,10,27,1,2,39,259,82,0,0.0,0.08401211801447216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799908849850853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957918442446538,0.07265166505214876,0.058349667711234315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356721155448656,0.05920362059177384,0.08644738457350655,0.0,0.06033585724711608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434368279300761,0.0,0.07952720542910638,0.0,0.0,0.0778870066762305,0.13718567989792768,0.07310106184581497,0.0,0.07196818537405833,0.07358932330072437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255462835247829,0.11846587382799552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683280149179383,0.06413861481225798,0.059741436145200874,0.0,0.06372581861750319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509657352485015,0.1013106449208112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555153452944773,0.22227302235879384,0.0,0.2014878153329988,0.0,0.056710074877029275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627020182411948,0.0,0.12703585250201238,0.07000508082051096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793626172147136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001661318661092,0.2771290586042422,0.0,0.06261137355924279,0.06274965538836494,0.05954325461992145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466072684852246,0.07188764269845471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072389736297692,0.0,0.0,0.054687145235204994,0.0,0.07540942754931293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414339810533006,0.0,0.0754490754314356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768788288492182,0.04915735256442881,0.0,0.07408176894329194,0.07783359042804558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764487540502615,0.0,0.08288542084008242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045424254753084106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055341056279843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056502970806842384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970141222734244,0.2838291766547614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207675964811791,0.0,0.0,0.0755764539988621,0.0,0.2964033169600736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682814751528555,0.0,0.1066251055576988,0.0,0.06197504503206979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094213706565476,0.045433757254003164,0.0,0.0,0.16538363731619046,0.0,0.0,0.06775380439420661,0.07877927122578103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045661195046162895
ptsd,smoomoo31,2020/01/02,"I want to die to end this pain. I’m not going to do anything like suicide or crimes or any of that— but I want to disappear. My pain is a source of pain for others. To them, my pain is a judgement of their actions, their likes, their vices. Every single person I’ve had any kind of friendship or romantic relationship with looks at me, in my pain, and starts to think I think less of them.

Maybe I do. I don’t even know— the thoughts are so hard to keep track of; it’s like a foggy mist of misery inside my head where only feeling is clear. There’s no language.

I won’t go into the cause of my triggers, but I will detail that any intoxicant— recreational or addictive drug use, by someone I like or care about, tears me up. I just spent 3 hours lying in bed in the dark because my girlfriend mentioned a marijuana pipe in a reddit post, and I happened to see it. To her, it’s so insignificant that she forgot she even wrote it. To me, it’s the end of my world. 

I am so sick of all this. I just want it to end.",2.921477987421383,3.683700141509437,4.33803773584906,89.13400628930819,73.52830188679245,7.1627672955974875,24.510691823899368,7.3011,0.8340838993710689,778,22,177,8,15,259,119,212,0.23399999999999999,0.637,0.13,-0.9861,0,0,1,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,5,0,10,11,0,0,9,0,11,9,1,3,2,29,31,12,2,3,10,0,2,4,1,2,8,0,1,1,11,4,0,2,4,0,1,4,4,5,0,0,5,4,30,6,32,24,3,19,0,0,2,0,13,9,0,5,9,116,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654513513362675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23681664080394746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955245540522264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076173853493609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835204554296952,0.11924689058886785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204734759775397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461679921808606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084392294374472,0.0,0.0,0.15334046115428734,0.0,0.09780302562222004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586939073700195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319427133802604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264981045490168,0.0,0.10398553783505722,0.0,0.11913232323679945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431614113222935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317789071177833,0.0,0.1208802223492341,0.06379493609359298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22684473431017216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747858158395413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661870045618147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828462964269257,0.6175904308408801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135722021804408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117325629615922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462726721393065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250131664263786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835482993217988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216254158273759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269734832473338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487596954993508,0.0,0.0921551371176208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025648451276432,0.0,0.0,0.20540227486710286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ignoring_you,2020/01/02,"Possible trigger: is this a case of sexual abuse? Just have a quick question. Wasn't sure which subreddit to post this, so I just went with this since my friend is claiming complex PTSD. 

Anyway, my friend recently told me that her grandmother used to molest her when she was very young. When I dug a bit deeper, she said something about her grandmother repeatedly treating her for possible UTI's after she'd go swimming. She mentioned other behaviors her grandmother would do to her (that were admittedly creepy), *however,* I'm not entirely sure if she was really abused or not.

It seems that her grandmother was medically treating her, but she claims that the grandmother would penetrate her when applying medication.  She claims that she would scream and cry and beg her not to do it. She also mentioned that the grandmother asked her to not tell her parents, which, yes, seems like an obvious tip off, but I could see why she may not want her parents to know, because it might make it appear just as the situation sounds.  Although... wouldn't the parents be responsible for treating her UTI's first?  I asked her if possibly her parents were aware (to feel her out to see if they gave the grandmother an OK to treat her UTI's), but she said her mother flipped out one day when she asked why her mother didn't put medicine on her like her grandmother did. It appears the mother didn't know and was quite angry, but she didn't say what the father's reaction was (it was his mom, so maybe he did give the OK and just kept the mother in the dark?). 

So I suppose that's my question: am I being a shitty friend for not believing that what she went through was sexual abuse? It seemed medicinal to me, but I dare not challenge her on it, for obvious reasons. I just wanted to run it by everyone here. Therefore, what constitutes sexual abuse towards a young child? I mean, if your kid needed an enema, would that be considered abuse? No, right? So would a grandmother putting medicine on a girl's genitals for repeated UTI's be considered abuse?  She said her earliest memories of this happening was around when she was 4, so maybe her memories aren't that accurate as well?",7.384584493467551,7.476230071428571,7.134249303919471,75.35400406939387,63.556650246305416,11.592889269650893,34.89355322338831,11.20814326018867,3.935729192546584,1723,70,319,46,23,545,185,406,0.129,0.79,0.081,-0.9736,5,0,1,0,6,0,55.0,0,1,1,3,22,17,1,0,20,3,38,3,0,5,4,65,70,28,0,14,22,10,1,2,3,8,3,6,0,3,29,8,0,1,12,1,0,9,14,2,1,2,25,9,58,15,34,31,1,34,0,0,2,0,77,10,0,14,16,223,87,1,0.0,0.5213817820580865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865068446233215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528894263713635,0.20569149987477395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04470792675352634,0.0,0.0,0.08263006982863774,0.0,0.0,0.08006925843065732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855673408716688,0.0,0.0805615255270431,0.04729880769879628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008036481550825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03708335840676871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238372487253058,0.0,0.0,0.16998897260745,0.0,0.0,0.07035526605377264,0.04168131880022871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485510817142122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806124719140445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716613100238852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895561460023985,0.0,0.1473615664632737,0.07988973149952623,0.0,0.14776646473458604,0.0,0.07780309595249242,0.0,0.08589596576356746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543813417733307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049697686180567816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257455229562272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24804250659910626,0.07024030079455687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573157747074914,0.14745570576348846,0.16431716673902308,0.07800706585509302,0.0,0.0,0.046984053117479496,0.07540665140509371,0.07241528247865356,0.0,0.0,0.06263272064213446,0.20929194823174851,0.058323620635604034,0.0,0.0,0.11688639015057616,0.2003003794836652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060668343360710086,0.08243823494701008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646140141457388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824584463381867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641031718312836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008036481550825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334298250670818,0.0,0.06051391639499463,0.08651671604735264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594226937596998,0.13597548244576632,0.13235749432681926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604963254635582,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BarneyTheRubble,2020/01/02,"Intimacy affected for a long time? Hopefully not too tmi. 
My partner has PTSD quite severely right now (I have mild PTSD too). We haven’t been intimate in months and it doesn’t look like we will soon. 
Just wondering if other spouses/partners go through this and how to encourage it when the time is right.",3.136609195402297,5.772991051724138,3.845517241379312,84.70954022988506,78.13793103448276,8.694252873563219,28.63218390804597,9.2995712137729,2.8866114942528736,243,11,47,7,6,77,49,58,0.078,0.767,0.155,0.5898,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,11,11,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,4,9,0,11,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,3,8,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783756376266448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24089081586438185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848977760366765,0.0,0.0,0.21463480586616,0.20366733198595147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935881877648354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5670181326428353,0.0,0.0,0.25796458037409203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41424512820798703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739941913611123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28284685126240405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26301759088691923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sssable,2020/01/02,"Scared of EMDR... ... but not because I feel any danger, I'm scared because I don't know what I'll do once I'm cured.

My mental illnesses have become part of my personality (depressed since I was 12, diagnosed with C-PTSD 16, I'm 17 now) and just thinking that one day I might not have PTSD scares me. I feel like I'll be empty, I'll be boring and miserable, and have no personality whatsoever.  Having PTSD is what defines me, and I feel like I need to have depression, anxiety and flashbacks to feel something. It's hard to explain.

Has anyone felt like this?  
Please be nice... and thank you in advance...",3.0433613445378183,4.836989848739499,4.61906722689076,83.14137394957986,74.88235294117645,7.449075630252103,26.185714285714287,8.238735603445708,1.6853522689075628,468,17,94,8,10,157,75,119,0.252,0.614,0.134,-0.9490000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,1,2,13,1,4,0,0,14,2,0,0,0,21,27,7,0,1,4,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,2,6,12,5,7,21,1,4,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382832056504524,0.0,0.10555116016079948,0.0,0.0,0.09647593390508316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821761505752833,0.15238350425634853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898301938736851,0.0,0.23767682315268746,0.14004260005515998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790589751075025,0.19713997308996525,0.13247846927604784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359927509731515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582792780814296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022241167193909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904722108921375,0.1463705901346455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230735667044198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693979470058438,0.09349601793504334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149414417691401,0.0,0.0,0.2409504091751816,0.0,0.15145606796278815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838592128221976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144137371365545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413506251243162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622056286714568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127029640164542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840936398570187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,XcN-,2020/01/02,"Had A Big Breakthrough Today!!! So from ages 12 to 15 I was groomed by a woman and I sent her hundreds of NSFW pictures which she sold on CP sites. Every since then I have a deathly fear of young women around the late teens early 20s age. To the point where I dont let my 19 year old sister touch me or be in the same room as me. But today. Today was different, I let my sister hold my hand and I didn't freak out run away or cry I had anxiety the entire time but it wasnt a out burst like normal. My therapist taught me to associate my sister with trust and how she would never try to hurt me and I did that I told myself in my head all she is doing is holding your hand that's it. And it worked I'm so proud of myself I had to share it somewhere. I know it. Might be dumb to some but for me it was amazing.",-0.2607894736842127,1.6204816910112356,1.9850325251330567,97.517063867534,86.02247191011236,4.646244825547014,16.109994086339444,5.750287758089431,-0.7550044943820224,623,12,150,4,19,210,111,178,0.067,0.77,0.162,0.9681,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,5,9,1,1,8,0,20,3,3,1,2,25,26,15,1,2,5,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,9,9,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,13,3,29,5,21,7,3,27,0,1,0,0,13,12,1,4,14,106,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107963106299775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525347446374189,0.0,0.0,0.16098571097849804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882161240099294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790206608949167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081686409883628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144366846716526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281249020069632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758509794384443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343001068806533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941675751002728,0.0,0.19328635596592936,0.0,0.0,0.3504268843370228,0.0,0.08371126245394862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177159705391974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215301176132596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788322499014205,0.0,0.0,0.17979936596839272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619778606385064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417396252460898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894653485808367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991354308849333,0.0,0.4872494433812282,0.16372895806632978,0.0,0.11633305047892285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474231895356235,0.0,0.0,0.12171966301984095,0.0,0.0,0.11034155138321593
ptsd,i-need-to-vent10,2020/01/02,"My Childhood Demonic Friend/Abuser Trigger warning: rape/sexual assault 

TL;DR my friend in elementary school used to pretend to be possessed by a demon so she could touch me inappropriately and I just had the memories come back in pieces and I don’t know how to process it. 

A few months ago, I started having memories come back of something that happened when I was in fourth grade. I had just moved to a new school/state and started getting on anxiety/depression medication which was a lot of trial and error and I just felt totally crazy. I was having a really hard time. I loved to sing, so I joined the school choir. There was a third grader, who I’m just going to call Nancy for anonymity. Nancy wrote me a note one day, on cute stationary from the book fair catalog that I appreciated. She said she thought I was really pretty and she wanted to see if we could be friends. I was so excited to have someone want to be my friend and I felt really flattered by her compliments. 

We became friends quickly. The first or maybe second time I went over to her place for a play date, we saw a black and red caterpillar. She asked me if I knew what those colors meant and I said no. She told me they were the colors of evil, and seeing that caterpillar meant something bad was going to happen. A little bit later when we were in her room, she started acting possessed. She became some demon she came up with that wanted to touch me in my...no no zone. At the time, I didn’t realize that two women could be sexual or romantic towards each other (I was a bit of a late bloomer in that area of social knowledge) and it didn’t occur to me that it wasn’t okay to feel forced to let her touch me. Everyone I knew at the time had a mommy and daddy and I never thought there could be any other way. I still don’t really remember exactly how she touched me, but I remember my underwear coming off and I remember some comments she made about a piece of toilet paper that was left behind. I remember that she was exploring me, but exactly how hasn’t come back.

She started to try to convince me that the demon was taking me over. I didn’t feel anything so I didn’t start doing anything to her. She told me if I didn’t let the demon take over, it would hurt her. She was wincing and struggling like she was being hurt from the inside. I didn’t understand what was happening but I knew I didn’t want her to be hurt. I remember thinking I’d just try to kiss her because at least I’d get some practice for when I kiss a boy someday. I knew that if I were doing this with a boy it would be sexual but it didn’t feel sexual since it was two girls and I was naive. 

She didn’t want me to kiss her, she only wanted me to touch her like she touched me. I think I did, which makes me feel really bad and I hope that she doesn’t feel abused by me. I felt like I had to since she’d pretend to be in pain if I didn’t try. Strangely, she completely refused any kiss and would guide me to her vagina which she allowed a bit more, but she kept trying to fight me off like she enjoyed struggling. I kept stopping and not wanting to upset her, but she’d say the demon was hurting her whenever I’d stop trying. I was so confused because it was like she didn’t want me to do it but she didn’t want me to stop doing it. I told her the demon was leaving my body and she would then act like it was back in her body. This would go back and forth a few times each time we were at her house. I remember not letting the demon be in me for long because I didn’t want to touch her but I also remember her trying to get me to think the demon was in me. I knew that I never felt a demon so I didn’t understand why she did, but I believed her. 

We played normal games and had fun together outside of whatever would happen in her bed. I remember sometimes she would talk like she was possessed again but it would be while we were playing other games and would just say evil stuff. Then she’s go back to herself and pretend she didn’t remember what happened while the demon was controlling her, so I’d have to catch her up and she’d act so shocked. 

I’ve heard that blocked memories come back only when you’re ready to process what happened. I don’t think there’s any medical proof behind that, but I’ve heard it a few times in reference to PTSD/blocked memories. With me, it’s been the opposite. I’m not ready to process this or anything else I’ve experienced more recently. Over the past few years, I have been raped by two people I was supposed to be able to trust, had one of my teachers put his hand down my shirt, and have been in and out of extremely toxic and abusive relationships. I definitely think that my psychological abuse from my dad growing up has really played a strong role in my development and the relationships I have chosen to be in. I have a lot of sensory triggers that make daily life difficult since those experiences and I have a lot of trouble speaking aloud to anyone (hence coming here) about my issues and I have a hard time processing things in a constructive way. 

Maybe someone here can help me figure out how to move on and free my mind from always thinking about harmful situations I’ve experienced. This one is particularly hard for me to process since I don’t remember certain details. I know I have PTSD from other events I never forgot about so I don’t know why this was the one to be blocked out.",3.9521060926840765,5.0457261532110085,4.994311926605505,84.14570454010823,71.41284403669724,8.231945424605975,27.18536814867091,8.617729084823388,1.834145848035756,4257,144,873,72,78,1398,358,1090,0.115,0.763,0.122,-0.1582,1,0,2,0,4,0,86.0,7,0,1,3,43,53,5,4,44,1,116,15,5,12,8,189,206,73,0,30,28,1,20,7,4,9,4,8,2,4,52,54,0,10,44,12,1,21,31,20,0,10,86,37,171,34,115,87,21,116,11,4,7,7,103,42,0,16,58,625,223,5,0.03797712773877522,0.1799867452182584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03366443233165691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0303702953319402,0.03160001256293351,0.0,0.0,0.07747724746070381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02655449072715347,0.0,0.09375582080405503,0.0,0.03550348790034807,0.0,0.0,0.20441446930045712,0.06341863071238381,0.06945151373580515,0.0,0.0,0.04278721803504735,0.0,0.0,0.12438356250268108,0.0843680551743518,0.0,0.0,0.03877889351871945,0.043435716910890335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628359693352296,0.03981829588901406,0.0,0.04259457801975342,0.12128658508961128,0.0,0.0,0.02449210562212031,0.0,0.03270964447297669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03172501710715224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03628877302845488,0.0,0.03714891816799455,0.0,0.0,0.09601188434868692,0.0,0.14585599295257806,0.0,0.0,0.032303325453977495,0.0,0.0,0.14670517342319594,0.0,0.059524445386100286,0.0,0.08633310750879253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149829182805107,0.0,0.1020601409575456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025455268199805443,0.0,0.0,0.03771985686664752,0.0,0.043820506503773074,0.1626212028239891,0.0,0.0,0.03963825459173488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261370865261466,0.0,0.04283985425658904,0.040212294811002816,0.04126226040775534,0.11650255842607055,0.026824368438994443,0.12987594420043075,0.038063058943689436,0.0,0.03360856297830035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686038778570087,0.03427584051030607,0.03593487651496264,0.05070005532572458,0.0,0.07630625857301374,0.0,0.0,0.07651592160068131,0.0,0.0,0.03834607295399398,0.0,0.030312981038157417,0.08072735325009857,0.0,0.0,0.08787090638341448,0.036678546620570865,0.0,0.0,0.03720952187629625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029371384463404,0.05776663392051176,0.040410341500650114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03625346562823554,0.026328558607741043,0.0,0.03967801546741527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03863639193420747,0.0,0.0,0.08878646007045184,0.03817750273053462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597472293635486,0.0,0.03749783204721244,0.0815464452962886,0.430206825294262,0.0,0.07224989030864126,0.060401872536336415,0.0,0.11530464232117656,0.06052570778500047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566029004129742,0.0426878827576604,0.0,0.038712899157212134,0.0643557941852532,0.058473296655800026,0.037560350406290514,0.0,0.1344020324035442,0.0,0.030328583269241673,0.0952517378784858,0.0,0.07940387926205374,0.043474725312691705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710814749539325,0.030524576728396476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02523031617407115,0.14600526003479267,0.0,0.06029919467650841,0.1771581487076085,0.0,0.0,0.10886631908536464,0.0,0.15470386110295176,0.0,0.11129440652488704,0.07907105862281859,0.0,0.032800044936733115,0.0,0.0,0.22399893893780734,0.060288952618496164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035205177890406204,0.06853690163978797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24280075735740206,0.0,0.0,0.024456025134728773
ptsd,PTSDont,2020/01/02,"Allegations and fear Im a student or trying to be anyways. Ive taken 2 medical withdraws due to depression, panic and sheer fear for my life. Im triggered by everything, crowds, people getting to close, new people, loud noises, walking outside my door. I know they wont be back to get me, but a part of me wonders and doesnt feel like its over.
My 19 yo nephew has accused me of something that i cant believe. I havent seen him in years, a decade and my last and only memory of him was at a wawa when he was in high school when i asked him how his classes were. Than one day, him as nd his dad come to my house and not just accuse me, but assault me.
I dont have any memories of my nephew as a kid, but if i get any information or a memory that i did hurt my nephew. I will kill myself. I was sexually assaulted multiple times growing up and if i ever put someone through that type of pain my life is forfeit.
I just want to cry. I just want to be loved. My brother and sister hate me, my dad hates me, my grandma and grandpa are dead, my mom is the only one trying, but it isnt enough. I dont want people to hate me, to see me as a monster. Im a good person and do all i can to help people. Do i deserve this?",2.5305258693808312,2.992824580152675,4.679033078880408,87.44126378286688,74.19083969465649,7.501611535199323,26.387616624257845,7.594959193182576,1.2347957591178966,928,31,214,11,18,324,144,262,0.221,0.706,0.073,-0.9938,0,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,0,9,15,6,3,9,0,25,5,0,2,2,35,43,24,2,5,12,9,1,1,0,2,4,1,1,2,6,12,0,0,4,0,0,4,8,12,0,2,7,4,45,3,27,31,3,21,0,2,2,1,24,7,0,5,11,144,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484702572278447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205341865798516,0.0,0.0,0.08394022530898151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299022247046246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403494923173286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119911310345969,0.07040162126846508,0.0,0.09402262253568093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25587832541264616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279538858855992,0.0,0.0,0.0987449084785582,0.0,0.0,0.09810938614009372,0.0,0.0,0.24567925274898425,0.05519649819804066,0.0779866418217165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110074262062888,0.0,0.0,0.09156141771284933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233299620933332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317019527595693,0.11533755011598988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596037067081156,0.11686210761210153,0.0,0.3537469156567256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207735727348248,0.0,0.05999357059217974,0.08898306836991808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421124314458728,0.053331919485488634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985245931687264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997104570448904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785132531638035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543108002633307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479444345694324,0.1660479807645817,0.11615798174121275,0.12808020076355578,0.0,0.11821375942038975,0.0,0.302721740669401,0.09531762109232736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973977205877357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047959540426736,0.08698941655381655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249413501976496,0.08403962789059413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365429070475184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482301114514023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316291592415968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838348644190695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029790928682855
ptsd,andrewfrommo84,2020/01/02,"I had a dream last night where I felt like I was back in time as a young child. \*Trigger Warning\* Disturbing dream described below.

I was in a location vaguely similar to the house I lived in at the time.  I was in the laundry room in the middle of the night, then I walked into my room and crawled into bed.  Then, an intense sense of fear came over me.  I mean like full on survival mode terror, that lasted for a good hour after I woke up.   It was more than a dream though, it felt like I was literally in the past.  But going back to the dream, after I went into this ""fear mode"", I felt something being thrown on me, like sand or grain or something of the sort, but I couldn't see anybody.  Then I put my hands up in a defensive position, and begged, saying ""No, no.""  Then my attention switched to outside of my door where I could sense a presence I can only describe as evil.  I'm not like overly religious or anything like that, but that is the only word that fully encapsulates it.  I'm wondering if this could have been some kind of trauma reenactment.  I thought this was the appropriate place to post this because I have heard and read about people who have had traumas experiencing similar things.  Do I need to go to a therapist about a diagnosis?  Thanks in advance for any responses.",4.0602694235589,5.511145757936513,4.894536340852131,83.5943233082707,71.57936507936509,8.003675856307437,27.94569757727653,8.532816995589336,1.957044444444444,1009,37,200,17,19,327,137,252,0.092,0.7979999999999999,0.11,-0.5407,0,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,2,7,17,2,4,20,0,19,1,1,1,0,31,36,17,0,5,8,0,5,6,0,0,0,2,4,1,13,7,0,1,7,5,0,7,4,8,0,0,17,9,25,9,39,15,3,51,0,0,1,0,4,26,0,7,23,141,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584111764791827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387700528338982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412703636886253,0.0,0.07694898511263018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437414625605516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20156968066796999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840889755651749,0.0,0.0,0.3636034343934928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347948620008924,0.10587621489517887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431168629038533,0.14565313214397385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314497159417628,0.0,0.20578952803706335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700192882067326,0.0,0.11146390780150983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375020987597951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359836973855687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23691768161484575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920080764747071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050136434118452,0.08751238477180713,0.0,0.1318840810201148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089399470353895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689659006243326,0.0,0.0,0.12626473186957948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038361744541864,0.0,0.0,0.1005894228237316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943569229161626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116216151162781,0.0,0.1465634234100832,0.08386198309733843,0.0,0.1240208961649648,0.10021297414301296,0.14721212340316794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701700497190573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689167078946254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,OnTheWingsOfAPhoenix,2020/01/03,"Name a song/songs you can relate to I have 3. One is just for myself & another is the way I feel my husband sees our relationship & the last one is for my mother.
Me by Paula Cole
Ocean by Lady Antebellum 
Like a River by Carly Simon
Music helps me get through so much. Wondering what songs/type of music helps others here?",3.510454545454543,4.853518833333332,5.112545454545458,81.9188181818182,72.78787878787878,7.704242424242422,22.29090909090909,8.238735603445708,1.1570400000000003,257,6,51,4,5,87,51,66,0.0,0.8809999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,9,1,8,9,1,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596075816858687,0.0,0.0,0.2707879874248195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057430398411962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492015561503906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461867195364702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105007128728653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616340699675005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898366960953323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499812887208394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772539672868005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578447711928308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497952101174866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800511237126666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,toddtoddtoddtoddd,2020/01/03,"Flight accommodations? I’m curious if anyone else with ptsd has ever requested flight accommodations, how you request, and what options are available? I don’t have a service dog. 

I’ve traveled in the past and I do okay, but somethings might be helpful for me. Possibly pre-boarding could be a help, as crowds aren’t my favorite. 

Anywho just a random thing I’m wondering about. If you have any experience I’d be interested to hear it. 

Flying with WestJet. I looked a little on their website, but I found it difficult to understand.",3.8960204081632672,6.679439622448985,5.209551020408163,75.16759183673472,76.24489795918367,8.001632653061224,31.228571428571428,8.841846274778883,3.1482538775510207,425,21,71,10,10,141,72,98,0.033,0.779,0.187,0.9326,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,0,5,1,12,0,0,1,1,18,19,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,9,2,9,13,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,6,2,48,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576987739344084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016533500026262,0.2347008811557261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288720664534686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135173952555745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071995101796973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406639179828106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511544382372706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25816929386757176,0.0,0.30707058935039977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295800981269381,0.0,0.0,0.1923542194957857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24299836917014214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866540491884964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582327598945467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26776098375952057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634296292245027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217848023161207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23846140984731884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484077486329766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,visconder,2020/01/03,"Morning anxiety getting me down I have severe anxiety, worst in the mornings. Probably an overshoot of cortisol but it really annoys me. Today I woke up at 5am and I don’t have work, and can’t get back to sleep. My thoughts are racing and I feel so uneasy. The worst part is that I don’t really have anything I’m especially anxious about today, just the classic generalised anxiety thing and thinking about my trauma. Wondering if you guys have any good tips to help me manage this. Thanks!",2.9117021276595736,5.5718427234042585,4.520680851063833,79.39400000000002,79.21276595744679,8.01531914893617,27.48510638297872,8.841846274778883,2.735297021276596,392,17,68,10,10,131,68,94,0.268,0.626,0.106,-0.9469,0,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,0,4,0,9,1,1,0,0,11,18,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,11,2,9,16,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,49,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430108870175206,0.0,0.4532416962584755,0.22310934147440387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625187938239202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185888211355972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985770805455173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063624633483754,0.0,0.0,0.1656466192153314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955477749748402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237448455417433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138642026506552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21292939248731865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530364056006563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310934147440387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976342679029818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818237699316277,0.0,0.0,0.13120467136571135,0.12654466970319586,0.0,0.15678630355966194,0.0,0.0,0.37439796867187947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21417126110394372,0.14377626734534527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,OddEggplant,2020/01/03,I have no desire to read but I know I need to. Book recommendations? My mom makes me feel like dumb inferior shit for not reading as much as her and instead watching tv. It’s just so much easier for me to enjoy it. I don’t enjoy reading because I have some serious difficulties concentrating. I made a New Years resolution to read more. Do any of you have advice in how to get back to reading? I really struggle with it. Also any book recommendations? Preferably with no mention or subject of sexual violence.,2.6445548266166843,5.393830793814434,5.123317713214622,74.03712277413311,81.26804123711341,8.063355201499531,27.37488284910965,8.841846274778883,2.807028865979382,405,18,71,11,11,142,67,97,0.255,0.599,0.146,-0.9233,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,6,8,2,1,1,0,5,1,1,3,0,16,11,8,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,2,12,3,15,10,4,4,0,1,1,0,4,1,2,2,4,52,15,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538760703864099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592723630902855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416750683347932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108330054198603,0.0,0.09599113307524706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796206366563497,0.11249529001381817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227061803178116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654038646978103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693099240289343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900018709651355,0.10511122427526733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442481409825445,0.0,0.0,0.2315144426224413,0.1167606506057126,0.0,0.15208373699622085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7875539009294747,0.0,0.10087814002376484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163881061235544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461991821940286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014043367922622
ptsd,Wastedmess,2020/01/03,"Anyone else had to resort to online education or quit college because they cant concentrate in traditional classrooms? I tried hard but I just cant thrive in classrooms, they make me very anxious, schools and classrooms are triggering for me, since they are environments that I have been traumatized in. I have a problem of focusing on what's around me, I have a wide and overactive peripheral vision therefore people around me especially the one I sit next to think I am staring at them and get uncomfortable around me.  I had to struggle with this nightmare for two years at community college, so I had to wear hoodies and wear my hair down to hide my peripheral vision a bit, it seems impossible to focus straight on the board without keeping and focusing on people close by me, I don't want to go another few years struggling like that, so unbearable.


I had enough and just finished my associates which was a NIGHTMARE for me to complete. I struggled a lot socially people didn't like me,  I always looked visibly scared, I think I retraumatized myself throughout the process, it was like I was re-living high school again. I want to continue my bachelors online , at least that way I can learn on my own pace and plus I don't have to be around immature/ people and take a step back every time I get overwhelmed. I am getting a lot of backlash especially from my mom and people I tell about when they say I want to get my bachelor degree online, but they aren't my shoes and don't have to struggle what I go through and I have to do whatever it best for my mental health and right for me.

I visited a four year college a few weeks ago when I was considering and the classrooms were even smaller and more cramped than the ones I had in community college, it was very hot and the buildings had narrow and small hallways, I felt trapped. I knew I wouldn't feel comfortable or see myself there and that convinced me to just continue online and find more resources to heal myself along the way

anyone else struggled like this too?",13.29540264423077,8.110349481770832,11.8784375,62.51127403846157,56.78645833333334,15.148717948717954,48.28846153846154,12.09199376347754,5.6046120192307685,1627,72,294,32,13,519,188,384,0.126,0.794,0.08,-0.9418,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,6,2,17,15,0,7,16,0,34,7,4,3,0,53,54,27,0,5,8,1,5,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,13,26,0,1,8,0,0,4,9,8,0,4,16,9,59,7,48,36,11,44,0,1,3,0,11,23,0,5,18,218,72,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890294788062405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406434541109311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333587376420223,0.0,0.10055717940995378,0.0,0.1244772273121518,0.1824047315477831,0.0,0.31695491484014376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844402279516452,0.0,0.054260325502588254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934116322741716,0.0,0.09717704086682226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332641923896984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487146639905534,0.0,0.0,0.09197223523438396,0.0,0.058790975937093225,0.0,0.07499567019229722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500667429678349,0.0,0.08546459135738757,0.0,0.08135451050845302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601845277539195,0.0,0.1011740910262261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973644016259199,0.0,0.0,0.09461461099591584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404508839735716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911713378731539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394526162102592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747468854749038,0.0,0.0,0.1513480667837347,0.0,0.0,0.059415584131929274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970222855615784,0.0,0.0,0.10424869592779162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466428868788604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206324168753988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085453613374952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517157812165284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467423546911248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601497219700172,0.0,0.07078517994413007,0.08911561476318827,0.18016792112282168,0.07093030293439563,0.08103234018576197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363088153478893,0.0,0.0,0.09073558212466742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652685128631745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692525127106795,0.0,0.07779960337882245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406940624382128,0.0,0.0,0.051903073978762565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060432677478315065,0.0,0.08695088702644739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688691869478532,0.1575031157234578,0.1413056973416217,0.07139931576490409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580350049140831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196064299217267
ptsd,TheEverAurora,2020/01/03,"My memories aren't about my trauma? So I just discovered I have ptsd from severe illness (still isn't over). Just started seeing a specialised therapist. 

But my flashbacks are either random childhood moment like me eating cereal or I don't remember them afterwards. 

My nightmares however are related to the trauma. For example I dream about choking or drowning everynight because I would throw up all day and involuntarily and consecutivly gag on an empty stomach, causing me to not be able to breathe for a while.

What does that mean? Did the illness trigger some other trauma?",6.098932893289327,8.924388574257428,6.6619141914191475,67.28800880088009,69.1980198019802,8.845324532453246,35.97469746974697,9.444778638647367,4.214721892189219,470,25,65,11,9,153,77,101,0.147,0.746,0.107,-0.6421,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,9,5,2,2,1,17,12,7,1,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,12,1,11,9,3,11,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,4,8,54,15,0,0.2708314271392221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509632421764625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27821847962209195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746638651798509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370064069903138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771281631033318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231455507642662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950148211081197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165874451712226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30679921151729683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158175827668829,0.0,0.0,0.3059624235664757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916958780908468,0.0,0.2162863275605993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31445616123906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923908753064464,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bnf12,2020/01/03,"Memory issues I’m so tired of having bad memory, it makes me feel so stupid. 

I’ve been watching the Star Wars movies with my boyfriend for the last week and I can’t remember hardly anything. I get the basic plots but names and details are always lost on me. I have to ask questions the whole time and it’s genuinely creeping out my boyfriend. He doesn’t understand how I can forget a detail from 20 minutes ago. 

I’m just sad. I use to have great memory and now I can’t even enjoy entertainment. I just feel like a shell.",1.3378930817610062,3.758923386792453,2.883301886792456,90.12388364779876,84.0,6.174842767295598,20.154088050314463,7.492282038375204,0.7258955974842771,413,12,85,7,12,135,75,106,0.166,0.687,0.147,0.2135,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,6,0,9,1,0,3,0,19,19,8,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,4,11,4,8,17,1,7,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,1,6,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005582753371894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825934617931325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861856804637266,0.0,0.21151458107471727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889105254265815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943696092537376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287990808475765,0.16163409409757895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182070539556055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494430424411857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026768752002928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361477508360974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442514397368973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053503896511592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24698020429925946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510246119027152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534534244780284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25629880839597124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319290505803196,0.26004277977377016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355357575949027,0.0,0.19540862530176906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148528052119853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25260168435256025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,onceuponahorcrux,2020/01/03,"Started a new job and not even 2 weeks in and he found me. This is gonna be a mess I’m still shaking so sorry for those that read it. His cousin seen me at work yesterday, I run a kitchen in a market downtown. I was so scared to start this new job as we use to hang out in this market all the time, he use to live a few blocks away. I thought he moved. I guess not. Anyways, his cousin was in line for food and I scooted to the back with what I thought was without him seeing me.  I guess not. First thing this morning he’s here with his cousin. There are two sides to my restaurant, a dessert and lunch side and then my restaurant so luckily we weren’t open yet but the other side was. He looked me dead in the eyes. I’m never going to get that image out of my mind. It’s been 5 years and I still see his face in my nightmares. If I close my eyes right now I can see it clear as day. I could draw it down to every detail. My staff are telling me to not think about. My fiancé says it’ll be okay. My mom says he can’t do anything. But they don’t understand. They don’t get the sheer panic I felt when I locked eyes with him. The strong instinct to run. And now the pure regret I didn’t go out there and lay him out flat. The anger is building and I can’t stop it. I’m shaking I’m still so full of adrenaline and this was over an hour ago. I’m currently hiding in the washroom trying to collect my thoughts before we get smoked over lunch or I’ll be a disaster and I need to lead my team through but right now I don’t want to be a leader. I want to go home, curl up on my sofa, play LOTR as loud as I can and hold my cats and cry.... then the anger comes back and how badly I wanna hide. Why? Why should I hide? Why am I so fucking scared after 5 years of being free! Then the image of his face. Then the panic. And then it loops.... and keeps looping... I feel powerless against my mind.",-0.17103104212860387,1.7468652073170752,1.4557982261640812,101.22192350332594,85.95121951219512,4.41019955654102,17.366962305986696,5.4076975052450775,-0.8219024390243903,1445,33,361,7,44,466,199,410,0.162,0.7829999999999999,0.055,-0.9933,5,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,3,0,2,5,22,16,3,6,21,1,29,11,5,4,4,70,66,37,1,8,10,4,2,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,18,29,5,4,8,3,1,11,13,12,0,2,14,13,54,5,50,43,3,69,0,1,8,1,27,26,1,4,32,228,72,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754376961752369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812701260478778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278719884890836,0.15187893289720353,0.08245952199412128,0.0,0.0,0.08403651496263438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507201220741865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885091272426129,0.0,0.1084819691072625,0.06369129385302863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522929486504203,0.0,0.08320859803057502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993544641512798,0.0,0.09482399197006744,0.0,0.0,0.08400423490175953,0.11941960415496815,0.10828399128081803,0.0,0.09130097364400806,0.15479228291015587,0.0,0.16838080617968906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758803442963054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906318774932273,0.0,0.09725758252735578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600585736828055,0.0877814114569525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720588172622493,0.0,0.08293256839456188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943658894045466,0.11566518190217065,0.0,0.1049650376565736,0.0,0.07322844248133832,0.07616892024918942,0.1907638425993811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23174448419245575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987855844173346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867905172731693,0.0,0.15707401692365947,0.1977496926973077,0.0,0.23609407249465056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055245699536853,0.13980405723103095,0.0,0.23660685679095464,0.08256682814224955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863195956231551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656109975287813,0.06328068905438862,0.0,0.23521050740777405,0.05758708480337884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705078246931886,0.0,0.09647305489015698,0.10281145499935186,0.0,0.170591890520939,0.0,0.0,0.11650106742777805,0.0,0.07921839954102047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673435275103526,0.0,0.0,0.09520001573023004,0.0,0.07189762546791546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271949343486636
ptsd,Toasty_kitty,2020/01/03,"Panic mode: On \*Delete if not allowed\*

So, I've been at this new job just shy of three months.

And the first month was great. They loved how good I was at a lot of things.

But now I'm focusing on details. 

Let me back up. I work at a staffing agency. My job involves sending out on boarding paperwork, running background checks, scheduling drug screens, and then hiring them into the system once everything is completed. Part of hiring them in involves putting in peoples bank information for direct deposit.

I hired a person in, and put her bank information in wrong. I missed a number. When I hired her in, her file got double checked. They missed it too.

She got paid today, which is why we know something wasn't put in right.

So I'm over here, sitting at my desk, in a complete and utter panic because I've been trying so hard to do this job right (it's my first office job, they know it, and I told them I have PTSD), and it feels like every time I get back up on my feet i'm being kicked back down again. 

Part of me is absolutely deathly terrified they're going to fire me for this. Part of me wants to pack up my desk and leave and never come back. 

I literally hate that this is my life. That every little thing ""triggers"" me with this  job.",2.009153225806454,4.285538834677425,2.9812193548387107,91.35732903225808,80.00806451612901,5.580903225806452,22.42,6.742157984588678,0.5348336774193543,973,31,201,10,25,309,144,248,0.11599999999999999,0.826,0.057999999999999996,-0.9159999999999999,6,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,6,3,14,10,1,2,7,0,13,4,1,3,1,28,31,16,1,2,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,14,13,0,0,5,0,6,7,3,6,0,3,9,4,31,4,33,20,5,51,0,2,1,1,19,25,0,2,18,133,45,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994532448264388,0.0,0.059349340795310276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386643760747345,0.20415879961337188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290590733046445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640588605832462,0.0,0.08750028344407353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922779998391129,0.0695535211534972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562758402786648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508662288961778,0.0,0.05533154798052965,0.08166038253440322,0.15573429211348794,0.10733899939793444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721483177959934,0.09612217696388352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830705358066853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070122775845705,0.0,0.0,0.10308946747992837,0.0,0.09955650599433624,0.06876777042589209,0.04756484833095608,0.0975796207504282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277141641760685,0.08787059187349794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542256852736344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508951336583294,0.09403024266145033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036845035413861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22846038103595998,0.0,0.3162919837711587,0.0,0.06749669719529296,0.08501040716821959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380784075006815,0.2936190370160704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662886629845482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495196484525092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936241868114134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056771005285304516,0.0,0.09228525606702953,0.09303100717295536,0.0,0.06610059076520852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742505231223256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785164743739941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087874806262784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064471380424592,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TreeFucker5000,2020/01/03,"They are living their best lives while I suffer every day. I feel like it's not worth it anymore. I'm trying to put myself back together. I am going to start therapy in a few days.
I was physically abused by my father my whole childhood and my ex.
I just can't stop thinking on how to hurt them back. I won't, but I want to. They are so happy now. I blocked my ex but he was sending little messages to me through his posts to taunt me before that,concerning his new gf. I wish everyone knew what he did to me but I would look crazy. It's been a year and I can't stop feeling worthless and remember it. And waking up from nightmares where I can't even get away on my dreams.
I feel like I'm just surviving and even that feels impossible sometimes.
I don't know what I'm asking for with this post, I just need to feel some hope today.",1.1681183155080213,3.0901007784090955,2.9294652406417114,92.49949197860964,80.98863636363636,5.959358288770052,21.148395721925134,7.048011613610866,0.4231140374331557,651,19,146,8,17,216,110,176,0.094,0.713,0.193,0.9678,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,4,2,11,8,0,0,2,0,13,1,1,1,0,32,33,11,0,5,7,3,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,3,9,1,1,3,6,3,0,0,5,6,30,5,18,26,4,25,0,3,1,0,15,7,0,2,15,96,38,0,0.0,0.16692732204133964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972143136967294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170974676264116,0.0,0.13236739143062198,0.21666585919471187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988393235836126,0.0,0.14785156350346584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817201193430745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610825013058488,0.0,0.11870285128276599,0.13462297336307336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561819337092673,0.20129851562602954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360731852595505,0.0,0.08006897631530635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997617096954435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993196414317674,0.0,0.0,0.15082178335761293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742746978975758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765993735771154,0.14120516464625074,0.2488105088785865,0.0,0.11830907581233607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446546538780588,0.0,0.13606894343949105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26986041433355545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162972468458404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595968040495299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393402319854915,0.0,0.0997201046947365,0.0,0.0,0.23557464381884666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611158535645423,0.0,0.0,0.09027430337347968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335438145501209,0.0,0.0,0.09565260379611336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830984369913405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729461160003766,0.16201238370804066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008164191604957,0.0,0.0,0.09072620938981983
ptsd,shoppartypop,2020/01/03,"""Oh hell no! It came back"" a mixture of fireworks and stress. (vent) This will be a brief account of the last few weeks and what it culminated in. Over the last couple of weeks, fireworks have been going off all over my part of town. Often, the people who are doing it set them off late at night 1 or 2 am.  My PTSD, after an incident with people throwing fireworks and a near riot, is triggered by fireworks, bright lights, loud sounds and people in a confined space. I have for the last two years kept this under wraps with a few problems along the way like zoning out or feeling rising panic in some situations, as well as some sensor issues.  


Either way, back to the fireworks in my town. With the fireworks at night, I have found that if I start my bed rutin again or get a specific fluffy blanket I can usually calm and soothe myself to sleep.  However a few days ago, just before New Year's eve as I was walking from the bus station after dropping my friends off, I noticed some kids running towards me. Thinking they were running to the bus I sidestepped out the way and kept going. Then it happened, I was close to coming round the corner and then ""bang"". A big flash of red light and sparks flew from around the corner. My first reaction was to stand still and as the last kid past me, I struggled not to grab onto him. My next reaction was to feel like crying. Which after a brief feeling of outer bodyness turned into a need for a smoke. I recently, and frustratingly, bought a packet of cigarets due to the bangs and the stress they were causing me. After that I then got back did the washing and tried to call the police non-emergency line to no avail, gave up and drank some whiskey. This obviously was a bad idea and just made me feel even worse. The follow on from that was to clean like a maniac.  


Roll on new year's eve and fireworks are everywhere, people on squares and roadsides. I was with my friend so it was a little better. At our party it seemed to miss a lot of the fireworks, We saw the new year in and crashed.  The day after new year's day, everything came crashing down. My reaction to stress was to just sleep and after I tried to get some work done I just broke down and smoked all my cigarettes. The stress and isolation this brought just hit me with a large hammer. Why was it like this? Who could I contact?. I tried contacting one of my friends and gave up. Then a feeling of needing to get out of this came about me and I got scared. I knew I had alcohol at home and that was a risk. So I ended up ringing my friend and ask them to be an accountablöity buddy for the night, as I was scared  I was going to go on a binge.   


Today, after writing this out I have eaten which was hard to do over the last few days and I have finished tidying. It feels like releasing some of this crap and meditating has helped.    


Thank you for reading.",3.9444559629161375,5.279834808849562,4.3385524652338825,87.91747050147494,71.70796460176993,7.080067425200169,25.84176148335441,7.447530270364453,1.1581495996628737,2237,70,457,24,42,703,265,565,0.11599999999999999,0.8,0.085,-0.9645,1,1,5,0,1,0,64.0,2,1,4,3,17,31,4,9,46,0,37,9,4,3,3,89,81,41,0,5,11,0,9,5,4,1,2,3,3,2,25,44,4,4,11,2,2,18,3,17,1,3,38,18,51,14,92,38,15,120,1,2,5,0,24,43,2,13,58,321,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609602447292641,0.07349396141366947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061219668262682825,0.0642904442833111,0.0,0.0,0.15863910634217845,0.057419878798702785,0.0,0.0,0.05851800237410847,0.0,0.0,0.060821266019730716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022161597563052,0.2359628619421833,0.0,0.0706454891304002,0.0,0.05923906071708725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490705915220995,0.07609243368897449,0.07554035443508528,0.17740322937279174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037534293080151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060909597231450036,0.0,0.0,0.04542177925240192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180582783265751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086323479624474,0.0982582635018724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058495524470547726,0.0,0.07540249451879713,0.2125253902830207,0.0,0.10778808691504807,0.0,0.15633376229620294,0.0,0.11000292190092276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081287346712901,0.0,0.06160419904090263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460949218992168,0.0,0.06898167848201657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763269067272151,0.0,0.07177776463739069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28028267325205664,0.07757528699487026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798716021923082,0.06892536804102735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058465592466812814,0.0,0.06507161163707019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198381436642312,0.0,0.2656730588860844,0.07313742211844974,0.19360728928362875,0.0,0.0,0.07829482989933775,0.0,0.0,0.046600170541997984,0.0,0.0,0.08068649849527001,0.0,0.07447095073813724,0.06564851933959312,0.19070517634570447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580337472471794,0.0803881717240498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878837212646907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790184358063124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770105759247106,0.0,0.0,0.06260540856068664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730009388674675,0.13763885350380478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048675591536566296,0.0,0.0549196208084059,0.0,0.3151021203280676,0.07189308681310971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331395738874096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406488672175954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518569338826365,0.0,0.0,0.14007046280310548,0.07480175337849665,0.06717806488774378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574017718169118,0.0,0.0,0.1637587084442742,0.11032590998033907,0.0,0.0618322750013281,0.0,0.06205401379987183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500652058179109,0.0,0.07008226269632425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142736028199103
ptsd,littlebalrog,2020/01/03,"Anyone try CBD oil for nightmares? What was your experience and how much did you take how long before bed? How'd you take it? I think I'm going to try it tonight. Smoking pot works wonders but I haven't had access to any for a long time now. The dreams have been gotten so bad lately I feel like I'm losing my freaking mind. I had a massive breakdown yesterday and the stress and lack of sleep because of them were the main cause. The images are so hard to get out of my head. I've tried minipress but it didn't do much and my blood pressure already runs low so I'm not comfortable taking it all the time.

Sorry, kinda turned into a rant there. I'm just so exhausted. Thanks in advance.",1.3417021276595733,3.611892390070929,2.5540141843971647,93.494,82.54609929078015,4.894751773049647,20.747517730496455,6.079149491110277,0.07355943262411335,541,16,114,4,15,173,95,141,0.25,0.682,0.068,-0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,1,3,9,10,0,2,8,0,11,4,3,3,1,20,26,12,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,7,0,0,8,3,11,3,11,18,5,15,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,2,9,67,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824596175961843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243860517377248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561135673961725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380541245276106,0.10079128502366767,0.0,0.14069433366767564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985234656995768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617367425698416,0.0,0.0,0.08360216226122895,0.11812075216066742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638465913944736,0.0,0.0939679826022093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481144499735276,0.0,0.16968915964329628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651360043095214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807780191151128,0.0,0.0,0.292645910924362,0.0,0.1849760226617777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669488436211788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430916005039977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546196037844213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850874501305016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939933464152467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372951065829177,0.0,0.0,0.1522252073767621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059448310594184,0.0,0.0,0.19282514340052848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367702182418545,0.17984521722870464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793069445647845,0.1203713470506746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Good_Satan,2020/01/03,"The suicide of my bestfriend. Growing up I had a bestfriend. And we grew up like brothers, for a while I even believed he WAS my brother. 
But unfortunately life got too much for him. He and I were 13 and 12 (respectively) at the time of his death. He, a fee of our friends and I made a team. And were we lived hosted these little tenements. We would compete against other teams on subjects like, physical agility and mental strength. I was the team captain for two years and I pushed them to become the best. And we did. But I eventually had to step down do to it being too stressful for me. My bestfriend took the position instantly. He was the captain for a little less then a year and one day suddenly call me and told me to come over to his house. 
That's when it all happened. He told me that he couldnt handle it anymore. I was mad about something and began to storm put of the room when I hear a deafening bang and a thunderous flash. When I turn around my bestfriend, my brothers head was wide open.
He had stolen his dads handguns from his closet and decided to eat a bullet. I didnt know what to do. So I ran home as fast as I could, washed off the blood from my back and my clothes. 
But I never told anyone about him. About how I knew that he had killed himself. Not even my parents. 
And how it's been 5 years, and I am 17 and I still dream about him. I still see him doing it over and over again every time I try to sleep.
This is the first time I've told anyone. AnyTHING for that matter.",1.7777248140635535,3.7808799705882334,2.870270453008789,93.27794117647059,79.359477124183,5.65859815190444,22.970024791525802,6.647476241863616,0.4704901059274285,1165,38,255,11,29,372,161,306,0.09,0.843,0.067,-0.872,1,0,1,1,0,1,35.0,5,0,1,7,20,9,2,1,18,0,23,6,3,3,2,41,39,31,3,3,4,5,0,2,1,1,2,2,3,0,13,25,1,0,3,4,1,8,4,3,0,3,24,3,46,6,38,11,4,44,0,0,1,0,40,15,0,0,23,184,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948771567940955,0.16849037578243664,0.0,0.09914803514390597,0.1072562706059982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264473004286727,0.0,0.0,0.1330650705100037,0.0,0.1357441669562566,0.12644048525323698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302759650959688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378626521552192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096196640095137,0.0,0.0,0.07770218834877543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232851723739899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915704168789765,0.0,0.10151293474000987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024835968553795,0.0,0.0,0.09308561046522293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636203113867392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654357003261684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236513050309504,0.0,0.1357941821155063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085523793393554,0.0,0.0,0.13902231610579446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329765319480533,0.0,0.06621483479894215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510138576657228,0.11772475628254846,0.2415131651646909,0.1063895461544302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400483838897835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214194959536473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856957541532984,0.0,0.09292465939195144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164305106149834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378318191284594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111966009058388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601011890961113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057097446166798,0.0,0.0,0.09275444055776244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924372959922033,0.0,0.13801397183914585,0.0,0.0,0.1317898995107362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107655021190752,0.0,0.0,0.4605103571423937,0.1338621153895824,0.0818007016843801,0.1310519532340829,0.11769532424564297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558835002451208,0.0,0.0,0.2327631646621045
ptsd,30mofwebsurfing,2020/01/03,"CPT - and the progress it's given me I started Cognitive Processing Therapy in October of 2019. Part of my intake forms was filling out a form called PCL-5 it has 20 categories, each with a minimum score of 0 and maximum score of 4. These are all added up to a maximum of 80, The Department of Defense who made this system to help quantify and view change, says that a total score of above 31-33 is worth looking into for PTSD. I before my therapy I scored a 56/80. I am now about 4 sessions remaining, and I scored today at a 36/80!!! I'm so close to being where I need to be and I'm so glad I took the risk to try it out. I'll definitely update everyone when I finish, I'm so excited! The only major categories scoring a 4 are all the sleep related ones unfortunately, but I've got a game plan to help me through that.",3.5408928571428566,4.520250351190477,5.673571428571428,79.32142857142857,72.27380952380952,9.885714285714286,29.47619047619048,10.125756701596842,2.9769904761904766,641,26,132,18,12,225,109,168,0.021,0.8640000000000001,0.115,0.9054,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,1,1,13,0,8,1,1,1,3,18,18,10,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,11,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,2,0,1,5,3,12,2,23,11,8,18,0,0,2,0,6,8,0,0,6,84,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173835043793446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808606129288816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22593621399118746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408203692317867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081708840485016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863124074527744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793509426742698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209178166497874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583646864415425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472534571987206,0.16243498102635615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23128314695653404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496601580903298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984505333817568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21373130641091104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117094489815133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884879713270021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244608339155548,0.0,0.237291976189837,0.1450048066244177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lonestar189,2020/01/03,It is valid I often times see posts asking if their trauma is valid. I sometimes wonder that myself. But I am here to say IT IS valid. Doesn’t matter who or what caused it. Your feelings matter. Idk if you all heard of the term suffering olympics but it’s when people who have been through something compare trauma to see “who has it worse.” It’s very common in survivors. [I hope this helps all of you guys](https://psychcentral.com/blog/listen-to-this-if-youve-ever-played-the-mental-illness-suffering-olympics/). God bless,2.9176201923076945,5.978181739583337,2.7775000000000034,88.30211538461542,85.77083333333334,4.203846153846154,19.884615384615387,5.8734145424116955,0.13314519230769228,421,12,72,3,13,126,67,96,0.136,0.693,0.171,0.5106,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,2,14,15,6,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,12,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,5,9,2,6,13,3,6,1,1,2,0,11,1,0,6,4,46,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427522476340782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667480597278315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23488236641953755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129470992059025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404835229077498,0.0,0.0,0.2579064924695648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616818118985729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001940533093472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486878296296124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064964766371449,0.0,0.0,0.4138396668432188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990323527664625,0.256815879855038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141307702701307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425128253188272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815962247461932,0.0,0.0,0.2646213909153349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,KevinTheKoop,2020/01/03,"Sense of impending doom around anniversary date So I suffered a significant trauma in January of 2010. Without going into detail, the event lasted from the 7th to the 10th. I was 10 years old. I’ve convinced myself that I’m going to die on one of those days this year. I have extreme health anxiety, and I’m getting various physical symptoms which I’ve been to the doctor for and given a clean bill of health, but I still have this sense of impending death. I had it in December of last year too. It’s really intense, and it’s nearly constant. I just can’t shake the idea that I’m going to die on one of those days. 10 year anniversary, it happened in 2010, it’s now 2020 and I’m 20 years old....my mind is just telling me that because something horrible happened around this time 10 years ago it means something horrible is gonna happen on the anniversary dates.

Does anyone else get this feeling? What helped you to cope with it? At this point I’m just anxiously waiting for the dates to pass, having multiple severe panic attacks a day.",4.101779556650246,5.8210693842364565,4.93645012315271,82.26851754926109,71.90640394088669,8.227709359605912,28.451046798029555,8.841846274778883,2.319207142857143,827,32,155,16,16,268,117,203,0.214,0.7440000000000001,0.042,-0.9909,0,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,0,9,7,1,2,10,0,9,4,0,0,0,18,27,6,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,19,8,0,1,3,0,1,5,2,6,0,2,4,1,9,1,29,22,1,38,1,2,0,0,3,12,0,0,21,91,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276864529895133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868932156909097,0.13097261104464092,0.0,0.08106386621190388,0.11878825608420535,0.0,0.20641197885437249,0.0,0.1318918534573769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067239304946778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252836497698043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430384304480414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24064272649595075,0.0,0.0,0.11866353400088166,0.10145477211219033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684812142583432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586197990205558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114163605938258,0.0,0.19766417897051725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30756060695175785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24646519955752585,0.0,0.0,0.07770822935147129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087556466974232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900364169341935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628629675174186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706046105850848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433068152080099,0.0,0.1571199859374004,0.0,0.0,0.1360237673109957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095952624579607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427039699875326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097261104464092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850357386924948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258517671439973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204999914614207,0.0,0.0,0.1013315732656003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676021459644163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175640130392796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44794682073930187
ptsd,Slipperysteve1998,2020/01/03,"How much about your incident do you tell people? I've found that after my traumatic experiences, it has greatly affected my life to the point where I'm not really the same person I was before and close friends are taking notice. I think I might have to explain to them why I'm so different now, but I dont want to be the person who rambles about their problems or is defined by such an incident. I also am worried that if I tell people they might see me as ""attention seeking"", hence why only 2 people in my life know.

At this point I feel that I cant just tell them ""something stressful"" happened, as they are bringing a lot of bad memories back with the comments they make in their day to day lives towards and about me. Even if I wanted to tell them what happened face to face, I often get so stressed and panicked that I'm unable to speak, I violently shake and go into a pretty embarrassing state, and I dont want to put them in the position where they see me like that.

What does everyone else do in this situation, and what would you recommend? How has everyone else dealt with letting loved ones know? I'd love some advice to make this go as smoothly as possible.",7.935152821316612,6.2904106422413815,8.09752351097179,74.57255485893418,63.26724137931035,11.367398119122255,36.177115987460816,10.230975488527342,3.4748051724137925,927,35,181,17,11,304,134,232,0.163,0.743,0.094,-0.941,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,10,0,16,12,1,4,8,0,18,6,2,5,0,39,43,19,0,7,6,0,2,1,1,3,2,1,0,2,13,10,0,0,7,0,0,5,4,7,0,1,2,5,31,5,29,36,4,23,0,0,2,2,26,12,0,8,6,128,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122680291752208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828407659475042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965420074601294,0.0864931981420439,0.0,0.0,0.0881473329465597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361376748087106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822934570348854,0.0,0.0,0.0906521761741409,0.0,0.2428130663689285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307205531782813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842011921716097,0.0,0.0,0.1979690826259926,0.0,0.10133075103557848,0.0,0.0,0.05237814089442571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358092415489456,0.08003326146162032,0.0,0.054121421326219186,0.0,0.11774499843495105,0.0,0.0,0.11420817578216272,0.0,0.0,0.18320832521500424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386054535424897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592764047209748,0.1463371497219086,0.050608768385242434,0.0,0.09147173576674084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880683864111234,0.18698776882699816,0.0,0.1382940590751096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197849222350013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615045925286255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793773128155807,0.0,0.0,0.0701951635647327,0.07878474917482067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154484772887803,0.1809013234637639,0.0,0.0,0.19585178367369308,0.11678199167709973,0.0,0.10538811909120956,0.0,0.09912149672821624,0.0,0.1041364113714852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663623107428516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509539790846478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643933210628843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974852778839696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23732364730391445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788667559294342,0.0,0.3621683806659432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637619336838396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832999330782345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869474552503826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520052146312843,0.0,0.0735872575937997,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,2pidity,2020/01/03,"I feel like I'm at my lowest point this is my first post on reddit and im on mobile so I'm sorry if this is messy. I'm just really desperate for someone to understand. if i broke any rules I'm really sorry, I did read them i promise I'm just not the smartest. sorry for my terrible grammar also, it's very late at night as usual for me. 
 
tws (all mentions, nothing graphic): csa, self harm and suicide ideation.

My ptsd stems from csa and i was diagnosed late last year. I was the hospital at the end of 2018 for suicidal thoughts and I began remembering parts of my abuse. I have frequent nightmares and insomnia despite taking sleeping pills. I'm also in my last year of high school doing it online because of facing racism at my local school but that isn't important haha....

because I'm at home alone all day every week I'm left alone with my thoughts and have given up on trying to do schoolwork, and even just basic things that people need to do and i feel pathetic.  the memories are so crippling that I've begun to self harm, and I've never done that before. I am in therapy but I'm just barely functioning. My parents even said they notice but don't do anything. I just wish someone could understand. I feel pathetic. I wanna run away from all this, even just for a week.",1.874764178240742,4.253544042968752,3.5952777777777776,86.17379629629629,81.2265625,6.448842592592592,23.93460648148148,7.662118739084242,1.3917880787037036,1009,37,194,17,27,336,139,256,0.191,0.782,0.027000000000000003,-0.9891,2,2,0,1,1,1,29.0,0,0,2,1,13,7,0,0,5,1,17,5,2,0,4,38,39,19,2,6,12,1,3,1,0,0,3,1,1,2,10,10,0,0,8,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,9,4,25,3,30,29,4,35,0,1,0,0,7,16,0,2,18,121,35,3,0.0,0.11991250643873633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209637692920441,0.0,0.16186873006104766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882351937432007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328387702255301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950863254924341,0.0,0.0,0.12338842067398922,0.0,0.08611881287631812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080471924670925,0.0,0.0,0.06526946791663596,0.0,0.0,0.1027219131716728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356882913087903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963843592630953,0.0,0.0,0.20053673481228226,0.0,0.08527038141315171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535183140673523,0.07230155392158179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608573296428998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692964723315276,0.10151782391867123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931979759395943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499272094734302,0.2283294491779784,0.0,0.1099605653921198,0.0,0.0,0.049444117125040266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750429326832345,0.0780562710489335,0.0,0.0,0.09497493216255766,0.0,0.0971098426203615,0.11522364967583965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237723525174803,0.10959618597945783,0.0,0.07016346564287172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567233939972654,0.0,0.09692732823964742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183043446000449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101233341995403,0.0,0.1296702516085999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464661721735127,0.0,0.09627003840007294,0.0,0.0,0.20485165761123586,0.0,0.0,0.21115976491418506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127904395664802,0.0,0.17150295318138398,0.0,0.0,0.3398753397104069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214057750662626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609428234219735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157378288447958,0.0,0.06723673894999134,0.0,0.0,0.16069244568269314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871219958673272,0.0,0.0,0.2107179351396947,0.0,0.0,0.11146406031138238,0.08350551138213172,0.0,0.0,0.1623626236634858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638185269475695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034663270911
ptsd,student-momther,2020/01/03,how do you keep going after the trauma i just can’t do it anymore and it’s only been 14 months. therapy and medicine doesn’t help and the only time i feel okay is when i’m high or drunk but i’m a mother and that’s not acceptable at all. i can’t even be a good mom because i’m too tired and angry and upset all the time,-0.8291891891891865,0.9443900675675678,2.0499324324324317,96.84084459459463,87.5135135135135,4.781081081081081,16.006756756756758,5.985473137389443,-0.6688054054054056,251,5,62,2,8,88,50,74,0.231,0.6759999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.8908,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,1,8,2,0,1,2,16,14,10,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,2,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,4,3,2,12,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,38,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675421355044021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445099986796846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818239545222547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640523753372968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533181037515347,0.2262726321375511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082302669267128,0.2850297832968056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397864671377841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31595465234426906,0.21533008163076714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41034875395397735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085087169786062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31461338769969194,0.3100641577105199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,linn_25,2020/01/03,"I never recognize myself It's such a weird thing to say and explain but every day I look at a stranger. It really hurts. I don't want to disassociate so much all the time. The grounding techniques have not worked over the last 2 years of trying. I need something new. 

-lake",0.87222222222222,3.4441853888888936,2.338796296296298,90.31708333333334,93.25925925925928,4.922222222222223,19.712962962962962,6.6274283507984215,0.4060074074074072,217,7,43,3,8,70,46,54,0.154,0.846,0.0,-0.7696,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,6,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,5,6,2,9,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,6,28,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969584618771544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608898389182122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314821029175893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524025557131541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600243835568605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276252018754078,0.2295983469901505,0.2388178361938429,0.2990577256744809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983669504815534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462426716911653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383803711127067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571482973739366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180556885150287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102290899232904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826370437335366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254257417008038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940166472485213
ptsd,ahomslice,2020/01/03,"Therapy 2.0 Different cities means new environment, new stressors, new therapist. I have a fear of being judged, tho I know honesty (in theory) will help me manage my PTSD. Any tips to help my anxiety?",2.2416666666666667,5.073995388888889,4.122222222222224,76.19500000000002,95.11111111111113,9.066666666666668,25.44444444444445,8.841846274778883,3.5134777777777786,158,7,26,6,6,53,31,36,0.183,0.619,0.19699999999999998,0.1531,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,13,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556682175451333,0.0,0.17500322311890953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390088559711518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574222018254537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066703039052305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572227295879013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491901908403832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6628227770363033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674119408088105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26161065801105865,0.2656117090516541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,howlwolfy555,2020/01/03,"PTSD or just really bad complicated grief? Someone I loved very much killed himself with a shotgun on st. Patrick's day 2019 and I am surrounded by pictures of him and his things in my house but at the same time I try to avoid thinking of him as much as possible. I can talk about him sometimes without letting myself feel it but it almost always comes out when I'm drunk (the crying and even hurting myself) I went to rehab because I kept getting drunk and trying to kill myself. I was in there for 4 months and now that I'm out I'm doing better at not harming myself but it doesnt hurt any less. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about him too much. The pain in my chest physically hurts so bad. I'm not that jumpy. I jump with things like fire works and sometimes when the phone rings. I was texting him when he didnt answer and I thought he got arrested or something but turns out he was gone. I called him 25 times in a row trying to make sure he was ok. I was the last person he talked to and I could have stopped it I know I could have. I got really obsessive and needed to know every detail after he died and his sister sent me the autopsy report so I know what he looked like. I think about him every single day and it hasn't gotten any easier and it's almost been a year. I get really freaked out when my friends domt text me back I immediately think they are dead. I was so so close to him but I think of course I shouldnt hurt more than  say his mother but sometimes I cant even function when I get in my moods. I never fail to being him up when I drink. I'm sorry this is so long its helping the pain in my chest a little to get this all out. Thank you for reading.

Aslo I cant sleep if hes on my mind if that's important.",1.3617980922098558,3.1404646297297316,2.973577106518285,93.12616852146269,79.72972972972974,5.758346581875994,20.07154213036566,6.661559191721324,0.0941780604133542,1363,34,308,13,34,449,190,370,0.203,0.68,0.11699999999999999,-0.9902,0,1,2,1,0,2,22.0,0,1,1,3,22,25,2,2,11,1,25,12,4,1,3,62,59,36,5,6,14,2,3,2,1,1,4,2,0,1,15,21,3,3,12,4,0,5,10,16,0,0,16,6,59,8,42,38,8,44,0,6,1,1,35,19,0,6,22,203,74,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654715997159467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335125867658715,0.0,0.0,0.11989559832656956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778504816384151,0.1472099536996886,0.053737910592807976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796512237607925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001517464647993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593693654376425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407677237341277,0.0,0.09683312044101874,0.11370418106287394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149002010019193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863574404289778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644988043504235,0.0,0.14854723344588652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914670588641467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681076256126618,0.0,0.18422747912523413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100974591600102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908782342055175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171797563358112,0.3774830750742214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505886277084733,0.0,0.14534153525830246,0.07185734316317008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014352217503888,0.0,0.08613526393780484,0.08835354976648661,0.0,0.07801358913576413,0.07402722728874224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956250139526869,0.0,0.05884353472499487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901049361540449,0.0,0.07036374776624309,0.0,0.1944101817534958,0.06536513532025234,0.06798986309936307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876043186198178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697274474571697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938048284161308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304740522865173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817793843935484,0.0,0.16942128806156564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010366480296991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821774651686949,0.0,0.07469266819464655,0.06786531967559192,0.2615599256311791,0.098681278293338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370076040955728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308417967707936,0.0,0.0,0.1417098249020499,0.0,0.08116043546883261,0.0,0.0,0.11713131091265433,0.28242788341791103,0.0,0.06998449475135042,0.10280670906884244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955250668697814,0.09588632788748404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273635046381087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171971783402122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497738992990951,0.0,0.0641772221102855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056768339008915786
ptsd,SpiralAsh,2020/01/03,Something you don’t ask irl... How frequently do “normal” people think about offing themselves?,6.1839999999999975,10.045470400000003,4.641666666666668,75.14250000000001,78.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,27.5,7.1686216300943375,2.301,76,3,9,1,2,22,14,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5132419288823218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5379045245972021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806082445323856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42264787685038696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517777440982417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Cacarosa,2020/01/04,"Had a traumatic childhood and not sure if I have ptsd? As the title says, I had a very traumatic childhood due an abusive father that was alcoholic and every day my house would become a battlefield that I felt I had to survive to.
This happened almost daily until I was 16 that I left that house to never see him again.

I'm 26 now and I have very vivid images of the memories  I have from back then, even from when I was a little girl, I can remember it like a picture. I don't have flashbacks per se but I can get stuck remembering the same moment for a bit.

I also tend to have vivid dreams and sometimes have nightmares where my dad is the protagonist and wake up crying.

Any insight on it would help loads as I always tend to brush it off, my family and friends don't really understand it and it can be difficult to talk about it.

I do not want to be diagnosed but I've been dealing with it for so long that I downplay it constantly, just keen ears and opinions will be really appreciated.",6.1241090909090925,5.620911520000004,7.017909090909092,77.13145454545455,66.3,10.472727272727274,31.681818181818183,10.018931242160765,2.8970000000000007,784,27,157,16,11,263,120,200,0.10800000000000001,0.787,0.105,0.5148,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,11,0,26,4,2,0,2,28,36,18,0,4,6,2,1,1,1,3,2,2,0,1,14,9,1,0,5,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,9,7,20,4,20,21,2,20,0,0,3,0,9,6,0,3,15,116,34,0,0.0,0.17563499381853653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841881790415746,0.14843658094203382,0.0,0.0,0.11854398781252788,0.12334392745257527,0.0,0.0,0.1008053184682145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398405717827008,0.0,0.0,0.1637146181809241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183492626855805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019006524598325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282989001381393,0.09559972462033656,0.15282443591300093,0.0,0.1504560543411916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790824222642518,0.0,0.12489492011456435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974336882931185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232946092534732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452648780813228,0.0,0.07744700373916939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108428696328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935922486959854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420880522988457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105845667394816,0.0,0.0,0.07242044606961981,0.14857105425586234,0.0,0.13118387676349574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432846406376827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327953063136614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899270936460673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358441667896107,0.0,0.0,0.11788293073118256,0.0,0.0,0.11812461300736635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660883841043404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971033647466805,0.0,0.0,0.11914619242665217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431852912950034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446198551092349,0.08743322116968771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106046912430692,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,xSlumberWolfx,2020/01/04,"Anyone else? Does anyone else feel like their PTSD just fucks everything up around them? For example, maintaining healthy relationships...",8.514833333333332,12.98226215,5.300000000000002,68.93833333333333,77.5,10.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,5.063166666666668,113,5,14,4,3,31,18,20,0.121,0.6629999999999999,0.217,0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530382853647468,0.5173303989697703,0.0,0.2247343190583945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209209877489113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217797192104876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268860813197088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764647371089802,0.18035056842519628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333862650419523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233344810051339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951009299043515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27103718087458417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,afatcatfromsweden,2020/01/04,"Am i bipolaror is it just the ptsd? I have depression and although i am not diagnosed with PTSD i show many of the symptoms.
As of the last month or so i’ve felt wird. There have been ceirtant days wheer i have been happy and others where i’ve wanted to kill myself becuse of anxiety, panic or just feeling a lack of purpose in life. I am starting to wonder if i’m bipolar or if it’s depression , anxiety, PTSD and my antidepressants ganging up on me.",2.0514896214896226,4.275475516483517,3.9137728937728937,85.01178266178266,79.54945054945055,6.681807081807082,26.5946275946276,7.793537801064563,1.7498634920634912,356,15,69,6,9,120,60,91,0.217,0.73,0.053,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,4,0,9,4,0,0,0,17,15,11,1,4,8,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,9,1,11,12,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,6,4,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279817345154662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794750626562266,0.0,0.3150420021819842,0.1856272754193012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924735709171797,0.0,0.1756009763725196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946874724611893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233826253150652,0.0,0.0,0.14907797327668085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291790674654035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541953199281944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597930353928676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145794373748101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6413581819198946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944893186082124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009045906178854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078719676514797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983340263657753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LifeAfterPTSD,2020/01/04,"Life After PTSD podcast Hey everyone, we’ve been on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for a while but learning Reddit.  We have a podcast called Life After PTSD that we’d love for you to check out as a resource.  Learn the many faces of PTSD but more importantly hear stories of hope from people who successfully cleared their traumas.  

Search “Life After PTSD” on Apple podcasts and all major platforms 

OR just visit
LIFEAFTERPTSD.ORG",5.3003,8.56092214666667,4.428916666666666,80.00737500000002,74.2,5.883333333333333,30.70833333333333,7.1686216300943375,2.2242333333333333,351,16,52,4,8,104,58,75,0.049,0.7340000000000001,0.217,0.9397,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,4,0,3,5,1,0,2,13,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,13,4,3,9,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,2,4,34,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805328687663455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661989881989595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965298937015658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319072016277998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36949225742972175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573775193037232,0.0,0.0,0.17678581830072918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088757500441452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8153260503966566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,fib0nacci_sequins,2020/01/04,"My therapist recommended an emotional support dog but I can’t afford a trained one I was diagnosed with PTSD because of years of sexual abuse. It comes up sometimes in conversation, and people will thank me for my military service and I’m like nope never done that.

So when I go to the shelter I want to be able to explain I want a cuddly dog to hold during panic attacks because of my ptsd, but I just know they’re gonna assume I’m ex military. 

Because I want the right kind of dog I wanna be as specific and honest with the shelter people as possible but I also don’t want to burden them with my trauma.


So what do??? I dunno. Help?",1.1623255813953506,3.594515000000001,3.7717519379844937,83.33855813953492,85.04651162790697,6.54077519379845,24.103875968992252,7.793537801064563,1.6656331782945744,501,20,95,10,15,175,82,129,0.152,0.667,0.18100000000000002,-0.6966,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,1,1,6,0,8,1,0,0,1,22,21,12,0,5,4,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,2,0,16,5,18,15,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,4,65,19,1,0.16568944610785086,0.19631489989907466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250179019050026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849566465275494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303008245420523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272678667571845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817130006402772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955782951531098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863783256815768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941651305378756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105814314246444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254006114241385,0.0910585864275146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094749407110044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778991526872385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227545675924884,0.0,0.0,0.19440086522207975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297363993686476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867899551898579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873641917350651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149788166435184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387109886883125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802241993441973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525445808969721,0.0,0.19237821744415795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909117127197316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669857095157907
ptsd,tiredstudent3,2020/01/04,"Thoughts on abusers? Like many of you I have PTSD. It comes from having a horribly abusive family, specificially from having a narcissistic+abusive parent.

Last year I realized what she was doing and has been doing to me all my life; neglecting me and my needs.

Currently I have no job (fired for disclosing and they got away with it because I was 2 days from 3 month probationaey period in which I can be fired for anything), and cant even get on social assistance because all my ID expired and I have no income. My so called parent knows all of this btw and how hard I have been looking for work (15-20 job applications per day).

This christmas day I literally spent all day begging for her help so I could eat. Not only did I have to take a bunch of degrading comments, I also didnt even get enough to last a week. 

Now its a week later, I have sold a bunch of my belongings (for barely anything at that) and I am back in my situation...this time shes flat out ignoring me begging just to be able to eat.

Does anyone have any advice or anything helpful? 

Its so mentally draining having to deal with this kind of abuse, and to make it worse she goes around and acts like she does nothing wrong and is the perfect parent....making it seem like I am the problem. Its so fucked up and gets me so mad that shes been allowing someone elses kid to live with her, rent free at that, meanwhile I am stuck having to beg for food.

It makes me so so mad that she gets to have it all and act like she does nothing wrong, meanwhile I have no food, no job, and no way to get help.",4.7650000000000015,5.216113748407643,5.489687898089173,83.66765286624207,69.15923566878982,8.700382165605095,28.438853503184713,8.697196308434329,1.9071419108280256,1223,40,256,19,20,398,161,314,0.18,0.732,0.08800000000000001,-0.9857,9,0,0,0,2,0,39.0,0,1,1,2,15,16,3,0,8,0,34,6,0,4,6,41,53,23,0,3,3,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,18,19,4,2,4,0,4,3,8,9,0,0,12,4,38,8,38,38,8,30,0,1,1,1,21,10,1,2,20,176,56,4,0.0857684749125508,0.4064864712262657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381196103751913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858901840027037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832550406686069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997131187522705,0.0,0.2117404407160556,0.07635212664480945,0.0,0.0,0.08058230550588716,0.06595066303574794,0.0,0.10456733246497646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757920237608875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738819466773829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847914817334981,0.0,0.0,0.22125428347879764,0.08842353155374448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251697111385784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755251239175497,0.07164855521911531,0.0,0.0,0.08862176194319088,0.0,0.11329853755597565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085488494876246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742316062537264,0.0,0.0,0.07929157300186099,0.22405244089276025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859688448686044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683170687630447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246640243607406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553359311737637,0.0,0.0,0.08931466821290739,0.04713611077254101,0.13982550883916833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058081030587999,0.16760857803705492,0.0,0.07573513469908565,0.0,0.07202391758415598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450224601450038,0.08695577166687944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643444975126102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684595783962171,0.0,0.0,0.06359623737925693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459432973430535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523079004649479,0.0,0.0,0.28570722412710714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820688472057614,0.10025875739612124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808039832174858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874301590946104,0.07267135046418316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448721911583476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680905886489498,0.05001228745331286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680790231916867,0.13759659420038728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244047123394305,0.0,0.08740540334169497,0.0,0.18754872631223266,0.0,0.05523208581377418
ptsd,mjobby,2020/01/04,"NAvy Seal David Goggins - cPTSD warrior, makes me feel worse I often watch David Goggins, and dont think i should.  I have read his book, and think he is impressive, but clearly he is cPTSD, his way of healing has been ultra aggresive and worked for him - workaholism

however i feel that it makes me feel weak.....it inspires me on one side and the other it goes,.....why cant you be that

must be my cPTSD talking but still.....

anyone, curious if others can relate

​

[PTSD advice from David Goggins](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NKscHz-OTs)",5.863125,8.31541572916667,4.4545833333333364,84.49875,68.79166666666666,6.883333333333333,27.625,7.645422480735847,1.6110875,434,15,75,5,8,125,70,96,0.021,0.848,0.131,0.8873,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,12,1,0,2,2,19,19,7,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,12,2,4,14,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,2,1,45,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964780506483925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435439251855665,0.2731265716867047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716810413677995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634349575993891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409594104303989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000784935794613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231354896907512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627502772632665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483611035168305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950583133221126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806658581131832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28805385059535904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784161571916716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028247313197322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363908306130948,0.0,0.2290652164339161,0.0,0.0,0.2731265716867047,0.0
ptsd,UnicornLaserHorn,2020/01/04,"Friend Inadvertently Triggering my PTSD I've been through many different types of trauma. The most recent trauma is the most confusing, because I didn't act like a door mat, but he treated me like one anyway. Now, I have a friend who struggles with her own personal issues to the point she won't speak up. When she doesn't speak up she makes me feel like I'm some kind of loose canon who's going to aim straight at her. Over my several attempts to try and get her to speak I realize this is going to take time and patience. However, its making me feel like a monster instead. It brings back feelings of me when I would be in the car afraid of my Ex all the time, who inevitably snapped. 

So, its really causing me to doubt whether I was the aggressor or not if here it is yet another person too terrified to speak up despite me being calm and everything. I don't think I can be friends with someone who is just going to be afraid of me all the time either. Was looking for some thoughts on how to proceed. Its really making me feel like a terrible person. She's so afraid of me I have all these doubts going on in my head.",4.568200589970502,5.286535761061948,5.270955752212392,84.10782005899708,69.70796460176993,8.681533923303835,29.66843657817109,8.841846274778883,2.188925427728613,886,33,182,15,15,287,128,226,0.183,0.764,0.053,-0.9812,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,13,21,0,7,11,0,19,1,1,6,3,36,37,12,0,2,7,1,4,5,3,2,0,4,1,3,11,5,0,0,7,0,0,7,5,10,0,1,5,9,28,11,28,26,9,28,0,0,1,0,23,11,0,9,15,128,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349593286645059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896687088256884,0.0,0.07845790485068024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221638401297545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447024239306296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567253858032985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603102238635969,0.2758425016131973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983135118751229,0.0,0.06724350588178045,0.0,0.2925860519104725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208935612200384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343354913343843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340273596969765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314395938908396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808051691829523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577365065519999,0.13048755282999255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872144296726175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371430085428409,0.0,0.0,0.12166865027470247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504502766361945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490455436740908,0.0,0.12708152122033262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540100047543214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905206751829527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455132225660968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677079795776104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246952574053779,0.0,0.10217808563177093,0.2251482866328912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738283848369692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914289585819796,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lyla-madridista,2020/01/04,"girlfriend took my nudes without my permission triggered me I'm 21, female.  i was molester or raped(can't recall) by a makeup promotion staff when i was in 6 or 8(around 2006) i can't remember. it's been a long time so I thought I've overcome it. And the last 10 years it didn't affect my mental situation overall.
BUT this October, my girlfriend and I took a vacation together (I’m bi).

she took my nude secretly when im showering behind thr restroom's glasswall. I thought we didn’t need to pull down window-blinds.

She didn’t tell me until December she confessed herself and deleted all the pics. 

At first I’m just averagely mad.i don’t mind taking nudes at all but she should tell me immediately and ask for my permission.

But later that night I feel very insecure.like I said I don’t mind nudes, but I do care about her action which looks like hidden camera shit. It made me insecure, recalling bad childhood memory.

Perverted stuff I’ve seen a lot in my life but why this time it’s someone I’m close to?? It just triggered me, I don’t want to trust anyone.
Then she apologized to me and my life was back on the track days later.

WHILE yesterday I had a very bad dream. In the nightmare my professor raped me and I called the police we were on court in the dream. because in real life he sometimes sent irrelevant messages to my teammates ( not flirting or crossed line just very awkward small talk). I might regard him as potential rapist in my mind.

it's all because the nude stuff triggered me.i Don't know what to do since i won't come out to my family and shrink in my country is unreliable sometimes homophobic. Even if I am going to find a shrink it will be two years later after I start studying abroad.",2.9964285714285697,5.32075316666667,4.13297619047619,84.13285714285716,76.85714285714286,7.295238095238094,27.16666666666667,8.278499904357787,1.9994988095238104,1368,56,261,26,32,445,192,336,0.126,0.8079999999999999,0.066,-0.9766,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,0,0,2,9,12,4,2,13,0,23,12,6,5,3,51,47,23,0,4,14,0,1,1,2,4,3,1,1,0,15,12,0,0,8,2,0,9,11,8,0,2,18,4,47,4,29,24,4,46,1,0,2,8,24,15,1,6,23,160,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657100361982533,0.0,0.0,0.0974859275692463,0.10237581765234602,0.0,0.0,0.08420540255225185,0.18287031944004647,0.13351092951492774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182058908621326,0.0,0.1116513806584444,0.0,0.0,0.09433201691908476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062402843714985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232943934400703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323502178797067,0.0,0.0553708705585681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008893438814158,0.09314801310573112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622362970117781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828814820246787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060183097479974225,0.0892641765594805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23204762244694144,0.05350040141814272,0.0,0.0,0.0969117210309394,0.09195969675508332,0.0,0.0,0.09310034951605624,0.0,0.1036197450735346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103589759475536,0.11617138630720625,0.33171759772789744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119928629718533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027664622367058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464483339345485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405196814110273,0.0,0.10416781608050044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240906925031316,0.09058669795709463,0.12309232584216387,0.0,0.0,0.09278633509014757,0.0,0.21661373637123246,0.0,0.07751079555941345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507224396425752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233688632032042,0.08801891548888427,0.19143079712088773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387529293213524,0.12771076449322266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36500446299514894,0.0,0.0,0.10697405186497372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710683478242628,0.0645910469173682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988145356933075,0.0,0.0,0.10556244364674924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103997763383908
ptsd,GodlyPumpkin,2020/01/04,"How to watch Hansen’s Onision web series without triggering self harming behavior afterwards? I am really invested in the whole scandal with the youtuber Onision because he reminds me so much of my abuser. I’ve been watching all of Chris Hansen’s interviews with Onision’s victims but I’ve noticed that they can be really triggering. 

I also have OCD and struggle with face picking as a coping mechanism, and it’s almost a form of self harm. On multiple occasions I have found myself sitting in front of the mirror for longer than an hour picking at all of my pores after watching an episode of the series.

I know it would be easier to just not watch them, but they pop up in my recommended and I am really invested. I know that if justice is brought to his victims I would feel some justice myself. Hearing that the FBI is on his tail finally after all these years gave me a high. I am seeking justice in this case that I know I will never achieve with my own abuser, so does anyone have any ideas how I can continue to remain invested in this without hurting myself?",6.8797058823529404,7.188729323529412,7.525294117647058,71.38882352941178,64.58823529411765,10.917647058823533,37.588235294117645,10.686352973137794,4.305341176470589,858,42,145,21,12,285,116,204,0.099,0.7859999999999999,0.115,0.6661,0,0,0,0,2,1,12.0,0,0,3,1,6,6,2,1,10,0,16,1,1,6,4,34,24,12,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,9,7,0,0,6,0,3,2,4,6,0,0,4,6,25,0,30,15,8,21,0,1,4,0,11,10,0,3,8,112,34,2,0.0,0.3771993047290427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939356363555784,0.0,0.0,0.12729442126121004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082463557304695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113008119300111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703330343116012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929755682690162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048507344945566,0.0,0.0,0.17437148854343398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453023087416647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794049381709922,0.0,0.0,0.16818007474422064,0.0,0.0,0.1567580593583978,0.0,0.1704031165323466,0.17969234987464686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624398517972337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170139909801322,0.0,0.12276772475122028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812249690914205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059201050212784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321143009927484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664071874521413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771631811856886,0.0,0.3068834188339461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261506701552783,0.0,0.0,0.10250527799776996
ptsd,cherrypiemoonshine,2020/01/04,"Do you ever feel as though you are unlovable and will always just be a burden? I never asked for what happened to me, but at the same time I did not fight for myself until years later. I almost feel as though it's just happening all over again. 

I thought I made friends with a group of people who were introduced to me through a work friend. But...

Lately I have just been reliving the trauma, and I feel completely dead inside and hopeless 90% of the time. 

I was invited to D&D sessions, but that all went to hell because I would drink too much and start talking too much about my feelings/the trauma, and the work friend who invited me has said that I'm just annoying now.

Like I get it, the games are supposed to be fun, but I was trying. It's why I showed up. 

Before this last incident happened my bf also broke up with me, and told me he realized he never really loved me, but only wanted to fix me.

I WISH it was that easy to just get over myself and move on. But what is the point if nobody on earth will ever be able to truly value me unconditionally, especially if I can't even fucking do it? I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Am I just a selfish fucking waste of breath? Nothing is helping. Talking to friends is bullshit, because oh my god, if I say too much, I am annoying. Meds make me feel like a zombie most of the time. Talk therapy doesn't do anything. Mindfullness doesn't do anyrhing. Positive thinking only last for 5 seconds. I feel like I can't even breathe.",4.359276315789472,4.959720585526316,5.359710526315791,83.70897368421055,70.11842105263158,8.185263157894736,29.01578947368421,8.238735603445708,1.8844334210526317,1174,42,241,16,20,387,155,304,0.18600000000000005,0.65,0.163,-0.88,1,0,1,0,1,1,39.0,0,2,0,2,19,25,8,0,12,0,32,6,2,2,6,51,58,25,1,8,18,0,6,4,5,3,0,2,0,0,13,10,1,0,9,3,0,2,8,15,0,1,11,8,39,10,30,41,7,26,1,2,0,3,23,8,5,7,20,174,52,3,0.0999489994272644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008448532335068,0.0,0.0,0.07992917873140445,0.08316557427089008,0.10829469912119012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224951032196744,0.0,0.09343882234133964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185596471557535,0.0,0.08504923692094922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479462429019554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791196845723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203074296048858,0.18081918434033573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032233034510253,0.21421075548477625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088813960931661,0.18480247882757184,0.10443845391584886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651537103206709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699370748160928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294354909694125,0.11274682482593665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953201300047692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020787425257963,0.09457415992378183,0.066716733234399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110208064746691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062299687229966,0.22042204457492565,0.0,0.15417366003734442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959037605898815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203143587768414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929205145019414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448411083040333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402988837350547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507438654589516,0.07948345600365153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074441622929459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410056592164793,0.0,0.0,0.11430039148674978,0.0,0.0,0.0640432830692781,0.19639876893699848,0.07934834113367331,0.17484319600379922,0.0,0.0,0.09550555217302326,0.0,0.06785880978648051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895250945148173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926537238152501,0.09018842591072912,0.0,0.11493641670782145,0.0,0.0,0.14552812393977285,0.0,0.0,0.07100090151624099,0.0,0.0,0.0643638786744909
ptsd,random3849,2020/01/04,"I need help holding myself accountable. I need someone to help push me to seeing a new therapist. I lost my old one due to insurance issues, and need to sign up again. But I just haven't been able to make myself do it. I don't know if its fear, brain fog, depersonalization, or what exactly. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I know what I experienced.

Some back story I suppose.

In February 2019, my wife had a meltdown following her revealing an affair to me. What followed were about 3 weeks of chaos and abuse from her. The short story is that, within about a week, she called me names, degraded me, gaslit me, made me feel insane, screamed at me, sexually assaulted me, emptied my bank account, and attempted to kill herself. All the while trying to convince me (her husband) to accept her new boyfriend in some sort of triad affair or something.

I had to leave the city we were in just to feel safely far enough away from her. Not to mention she pulled a smear campaign and convinced our mutual friends that I was the one abusing her.

I've been afraid and isolated for the last year, unable to feel safe or connected to the people in my life.

I've been having nightmares ever since. Usually the dreams have something to do with the way she violated me, or made me fear for my life.

Just last night, I had another. In the dream, I had run into a girl I had a crush on in middle school, but in the dream we were our current adult age. We were hanging out in some sort of bar arcade lounge place, with couches and and all sorts of casual furniture and such.

Eventually there was a movie playing on a projector, and the two of us were just sort of cuddling under a blanket. For a minute, I felt very safe. The the dream progressed to kissing and touching. And all I could think in the dream, is that her skin felt just like my ex wife, and I started to feel scared. Then, she eventually starts touching me more sexually, and I felt scared the same way as I did when my ex wife assaulted me.

In the dream, I started crying and told her to stop. She did stop, unlike my ex wife. I could tell that the woman in my dream was concerned, and had no intention to harm me, but I just felt disgusted and scared with any sort of intimacy -- even in dream form.

I woke up crying. And I'm here on this sub now, still struggling to admit to myself that what I experienced was traumatic.

I just need someone to message me every day and remind me to find a new trauma therapist, so I don't keep putting it off. I really need the push.",4.767272727272727,5.56793736363637,5.468888888888892,82.57000000000002,69.30303030303031,8.747474747474747,28.73737373737373,8.927757054556999,2.1212222222222223,1965,68,397,34,33,638,233,495,0.19899999999999998,0.688,0.113,-0.9955,2,0,2,0,1,0,68.0,6,0,0,3,23,28,5,7,30,0,33,8,2,4,5,92,64,32,1,8,17,8,11,1,1,0,3,1,1,3,13,26,1,7,15,11,3,8,6,17,0,3,30,15,75,11,65,32,10,67,0,1,1,2,43,28,0,13,30,279,88,2,0.0848763151350206,0.20112910871447914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771880482467781,0.08900021692131548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974409202679356,0.06526464723656376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947500379734206,0.08666820749378742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553366237338751,0.0,0.1864652933822044,0.05473820161972934,0.0,0.0,0.08614767322964811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769992240366094,0.0,0.056060005659088384,0.0767754863003723,0.07151195618670961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910189030942404,0.17166406072075674,0.0,0.3259782916530172,0.0,0.07757541436931173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557523052851393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378160983813435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858882144199696,0.0,0.07544196872311773,0.0939030672246054,0.0,0.09329160618160856,0.13837105025183552,0.0,0.08987176255555085,0.0,0.0,0.11990130294142247,0.04146628030669351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926525242815504,0.0,0.0,0.1606240432084022,0.056655599428014576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31467356104366884,0.0,0.24592222216559745,0.0,0.07965067207494626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906341500120889,0.0,0.11502877550358165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058842549989894466,0.0,0.08867768431328903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532413970623967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437394085775479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549279947291422,0.08589936224684276,0.06763543418904629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021056496732858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383085275969948,0.13068386814503444,0.0,0.0,0.18022767812569232,0.0,0.06778233490603333,0.1419207999253759,0.0,0.08873115320287983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418564050303228,0.0,0.0,0.19709588742635287,0.0,0.054385315583125225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110295640608932,0.0,0.057625446549028826,0.0,0.08291182687596667,0.0,0.10209575656238616,0.0,0.09347926988574397,0.07003184895320225,0.0,0.13474173657380534,0.13616532068181425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465756416765203
ptsd,tehsauciness,2020/01/04,"Does anyone else have a similar situation to this? I'm not at all afraid of my abuser. He is a family member and all of what happened was when we were still young. The only time that I ever get triggered is when he goes on a drinking binge. I do get flashbacks but they are never promoted by him. I don't really even think of him as an abuser.

My symptoms ended up turning into ocd type hypervigilance around being by kids, especially my nieces and nephews. It sucks because I have distanced myself so far that I don't even feel like I'm apart of my brother's family anymore. Because I want to keep them safe if that makes any sense. I've pretty much done that with all of my friends that have children too.",3.632362355953905,5.136775795774646,4.983982074263763,82.32241357234321,72.73239436619718,7.417157490396925,26.289372599231754,8.00094639256281,1.5988929577464783,561,19,109,8,11,187,100,142,0.109,0.7979999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.332,0,0,1,0,2,0,11.0,1,0,2,1,9,5,1,1,5,0,13,2,0,2,5,21,25,8,0,2,3,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,8,6,1,2,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,17,3,16,21,4,15,0,0,0,0,12,7,1,1,9,77,25,2,0.0,0.4041121110703335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159696287386668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691248679427809,0.1192420174400598,0.17473323153179568,0.0,0.15181228044349082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079130719599928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923630306449165,0.1745164846610275,0.0,0.16705934905286252,0.0,0.0,0.1424600863954419,0.0,0.15104336758122353,0.0,0.0,0.2252734810819372,0.15425864533282935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215303884375085,0.0,0.08622760576049941,0.12183021795080025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175489620659692,0.0,0.17819496842094934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508035123900512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157931857233173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331477318263374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383341792317075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536282630137446,0.0,0.13152708342385594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969953067786816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734953747815149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924906975267132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168845347364027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618944879350314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725113240725016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092719240491562,0.0,0.0,0.09944031348076356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854930790025736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058594479488303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thesixthpanda,2020/01/04,"Having PTSD and finishing college? Hey all. Hope your day is going okay.

I wanted to ask if anyone here has finished college or is going through college and doing okay with it while having PTSD? Do you have any tips on how to get by? I'm really struggling to even keep up with course work just cause this stupid brain doesn't function like it used to.

**RANT / CONTEXT PART**

So for basics, I'm having trouble remember even the simplest things like if I've eaten breakfast or not. I can't read anything for more than 5 minutes without getting distracted. I can barely recall what I've studied. Everything just sorta melds into the dreamlike haze. I know I studied but I can't remember anything from it.

In terms of work ethic, I avoid stuff like a mofo. Even looking at a decently sized pile of work gives me a panic attack. I get to it after a while but that's after so much time wasted crying. I also get caught telling myself I'll never make it or that I should just drop out.

It's really annoying. Cause I know what where I wanna be. I know what I wanna do. I know what steps I have to take to get there. But it feels like there's always a wall waiting around the corner that I didn't expect. I honestly wanna drop out and just work cause I feel that I won't ever finish at this rate.

**ACTUAL QUESTION**

So yeah, I was wondering if you guys have any techniques that can help deal with memory loss, work ethic, disinterest, panic attacks when starting work, and just the general feeling of hopelessness when facing work? Any work techniques and stuff?

Thanks all for reading and maybe taking time to answer. Appreciate it.",1.855641025641028,4.568064675159238,3.145541401273885,86.8508468071207,85.36942675159236,5.386117916054221,21.427078229626,6.900799576094004,0.8375756328597093,1284,42,232,17,39,415,174,314,0.20800000000000002,0.725,0.066,-0.9942,0,1,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,3,0,9,21,21,4,5,9,3,22,4,2,6,4,63,54,24,0,10,16,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,22,13,2,3,12,2,0,4,8,12,0,0,4,4,26,9,36,47,6,34,0,2,1,0,11,12,1,10,20,159,48,13,0.0,0.0,0.08359449481914864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850447663378106,0.07127827696716614,0.0,0.0,0.1747608388496493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059897392160922,0.0,0.14098630180913774,0.0762580161907992,0.08008311511970226,0.1949075078337994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956279683173634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639977481157083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409651726389474,0.05524539221513891,0.08831454207217543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973833128834304,0.07748686890808132,0.0,0.0,0.07698816333543454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994099298756595,0.06119749144061463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22377627730883526,0.08217552316102113,0.09736823895548136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481959831235954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057417941002577674,0.0,0.0,0.08508244734233028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614099528780773,0.0,0.0,0.18831204611682406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740198628816416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193514201389616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057180556155800526,0.0,0.08605975428116341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297198362271524,0.0,0.06606839992103586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101357891159385,0.0,0.09276441915309733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002703599953382,0.0,0.09596189381755528,0.0,0.17137187914350574,0.0,0.10975551260663734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940784117437896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060632541025297186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895533140538517,0.1961267265788605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881546632779362,0.0,0.07487302624213578,0.07886675842373461,0.0,0.0,0.05691053003991805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990128615789924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398511892613381,0.0,0.0,0.050526114121513456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257584184174745,0.092897606936337,0.4989080645750801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CelesticRose,2020/01/04,Panic Attacks after orgasm I've suffered from sexual abuse in the past and to this day I suffer from panic attacks after orgasm. Does this happen to anyone else?,4.1370000000000005,6.915817366666667,5.616666666666671,72.60500000000002,75.33333333333334,5.333333333333334,20.0,6.42735559955562,0.8860000000000003,131,3,17,1,3,44,22,30,0.526,0.474,0.0,-0.9729,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,5,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,12,3,0,0.0,0.2856997329453867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686037691286366,0.24706627798457606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5486405879568095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550896321892355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101457127010656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014332534145244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323054685468365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658284247079922,0.0,0.0,0.23018596032217026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,goddamit_adam,2020/01/04,"My family constantly triggers me my PTSD is from the abusive i had as a child & due to financial reasons, i still live here. I'll be getting out of this hell hole in July or something this year bc my fiancé and I are moving in together. 


but until then, i spend every day waiting to be thrown into a panic attack because i know it will happened. We have an outdoor cat (bc my abusive mother refuses to let her inside even though it's cold as fuck). Well, she climbs on the window screens to get our attention & my sister starts beating on the window to make her get off (my womb donor used to scare me awake every morning by beating on my door) & my heart stopped. It literally felt like it stopped and then my womb donor fucking sprayed the cat with water even though it's the middle of fucking winter. They've been screaming at my nephew to shut up bc he's 4 and is loud/has a shit load of energy he needs to get out. 

I just feel like I can't breathe. I'm so tired of wondering what's going to happen every single fucking night. Who's going to be screaming? What loud ass noise does my family not give a fuck about is going to freak me out? I just don't ever feel safe and I just want out of here but i'm literally going to have to wait it out and I just don't want to live here anymore. My only escape is work 95% of the time, but for some fucking reason the old men have decided to slap my ass (i work in a nursing home), which also fucking triggers me. 

I just want to run tf away from everything and hide in a sound proof room with my fucking books, cat, and some fucking food to survive.",3.908195550672893,4.473073015105744,5.0366396594342255,85.74996635539686,71.11480362537766,7.589178797033782,27.43216149409503,7.520522993642371,1.4089081570996975,1252,41,263,13,22,414,177,331,0.198,0.737,0.065,-0.9954,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,2,0,0,6,18,21,12,2,14,0,18,19,7,6,2,53,54,20,0,4,10,3,3,2,0,1,1,4,5,2,12,16,2,6,9,1,1,7,4,17,1,0,3,9,35,4,50,46,3,43,1,0,1,13,15,20,13,4,18,163,47,3,0.0,0.18575770034220893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626881297590423,0.0,0.2548052760634059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774141303640099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917947952084355,0.0736496037070554,0.0,0.0,0.04778556873249786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471130237436128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505548029260327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068599261703414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355117465554414,0.07090787538892544,0.19813984081847147,0.0,0.07045151222573003,0.0,0.1477974648869002,0.0,0.07927226783508713,0.056001541400950414,0.07526630308011105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478900785860188,0.0,0.0,0.6522292459878211,0.16382130918450516,0.07519844121245348,0.17820245035025106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863931764335674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289204596350344,0.0,0.0,0.07863115397605389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308087063152948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801586706138379,0.0,0.07659439173920331,0.0,0.13843889479882432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232566249869592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331573236833134,0.0,0.05812489045625412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356332342901832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225669203722451,0.0,0.0,0.0596188183778322,0.0,0.09197329822329868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163324012672583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119511618021512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848165846705073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046579144243562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034813899788955,0.0,0.0,0.055484557888585605,0.0,0.06260203078732066,0.13107442077063566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403475560548138,0.0,0.04570960247781358,0.09009730638096328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770344017477767,0.0,0.0,0.13870864010255235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048165894639165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850101704894694,0.114137115655638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050480328237833286
ptsd,trinketstone,2020/01/05,"How do I learn about PTSD based upon childhood bullying trauma? I had an experience today which gave me a really bad case of anxiety, it still gives me discomfort just talking about it.     

I want to be over with this...",4.932601626016262,6.414143073170735,6.144878048780488,75.34869918699188,69.48780487804879,10.34471544715447,28.300813008130078,10.504223727775694,3.195432520325204,170,6,31,5,3,57,36,41,0.317,0.655,0.027000000000000003,-0.9286,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,7,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,24,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27996371084783195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055671122090077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579858952730816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510688404348503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277957739268973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344477957666461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29226167461742264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941503674085804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34689387199548605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21585678574337933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,annaliqiao,2020/01/05,"I hear a man yelling at me At random moments, I hear this guy yelling at me and it makes me scared of whoever is next to me. I feel scared that those people are mad at me. The yelling comes out of nowhere and it’s getting really tiring. I can’t go out and enjoy my friends. Is this a ptsd symptom and if so, has anyone else had the same experience?",1.040849420849419,2.8539096486486493,2.724749034749036,94.35635135135138,80.8918918918919,5.850193050193052,24.08494208494209,6.868970318607317,0.6457861003861005,270,10,63,3,7,89,50,74,0.11800000000000001,0.799,0.083,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,3,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,4,0,6,2,0,1,0,12,13,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,5,0,2,6,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,6,10,2,9,12,1,10,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,2,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013499405114286,0.22000275775064032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184959529449242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793683525545543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100342524157353,0.0,0.0,0.10856727650053734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588968371094384,0.0,0.11218067715631816,0.0,0.12202851784496145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126034110772946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840029260879962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332514569629315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22835377564075904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885760870218334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509924741442826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755309403126426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42993799207251693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22317299120587145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24678540026544246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IamMESSEDupINtheHEAD,2020/01/05,"What do you guys do with your paintings/drawings that show your PTSD symptoms? My regular clinician questioned me as to why I would paint my anxiety of the  traumatic scenes and what good it does me.  

My trauma therapist just showed interest in the couple I brought to therapy.

I'm interested in what you have done with your art and how well it worked for you type of thing. Thank you.",4.461141552511414,6.4949573287671285,4.672808219178084,83.2310388127854,71.60273972602741,9.250228310502283,29.97488584474885,9.725611199111238,2.9466639269406394,307,13,59,8,6,96,53,73,0.11599999999999999,0.725,0.159,0.5574,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,7,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,8,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,14,5,10,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,0,43,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362173259075105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28005167438247763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149057415733076,0.2590104123042098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228928632361974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506099900391955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29586176969824424,0.0,0.28353127970726955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26306906751739306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330215885980649,0.2894432911895003,0.2938700121427352,0.16814919723984298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275683836816065,0.0,0.2283844743071417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426069502414769,0.0,0.0,0.17979583748551473,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ihatechoosingnames97,2020/01/05,"How do I stop self harming? I’ve been burning myself on the curling iron for nearly two years... I’m so done, any advice on how to stop? 😊",-1.1950000000000005,0.8337038333333346,1.495000000000001,97.7025,94.0,3.0,17.5,3.1291,-0.94,105,3,24,0,4,36,25,30,0.267,0.733,0.0,-0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,5,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351749992071699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447860107212136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683653603955988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755181146509285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6018874881006374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516298614329299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318032594226188
ptsd,trvent17,2020/01/05,"how do i deal with the upcoming 1 year “anniversary” of an event that mentally ruined me hi, i just want to begin with stating, i don’t want to mention any of the events that caused it in the post itself, mainly in fear it wont be taken seriously

in about a week it’s going to be 1 year “anniversary” , and i feel like I’m reliving everything that happened over and over again, i’m typing this unable to sleep with the events replaying in my head, and the grown fear of it happening again is only becoming stronger and stronger and i cant take it, can someone please help me with anything that could help these feelings go away, just for even the shortest time :(",8.290712468193384,6.318573045801529,8.05782442748092,76.17951017811707,62.81679389312978,11.78676844783715,36.337150127226465,10.504223727775694,3.5127852417302794,523,19,105,10,6,168,82,131,0.091,0.767,0.14300000000000002,0.4798,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,8,0,9,2,2,2,0,18,22,6,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,1,2,8,1,20,17,1,22,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,11,69,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138954791253108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146894437716633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167711360434979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714479146178546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337384682195573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252174878195753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840308573730292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790089492672827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604288192381251,0.0,0.0,0.40173559310159995,0.18051502267777836,0.12752403573231258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028970549520036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157028334358457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831976690116561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392963302162109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720854555691876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989109476613038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357611261215017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594492907785926,0.0,0.0,0.17095848428481422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863395348971609,0.0,0.15124674051557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342135743162014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408772390667764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105737941529609,0.0,0.14318597525657029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299027855640798
ptsd,Beanheaderry,2020/01/05,"Spoilers for Better Call Saul.. But I didn’t even think I had PTSD until I watched the second to last episode It’s been two years since I fell asleep at the wheel after an all nighter for high school and smashed into a tree going 45, and it had me rattled for a good few months after it happened but I figured I was over it after that. I haven’t had any issues with PTSD or anything, but I was watching the second to last episode of Better Call Saul and one of the characters had been pushing herself at work and she fell asleep at the wheel and crashed, and the way they executed it was so real I just started hyperventilating and crying for the good part of a half hour. I don’t know why I’m posting my experience here I guess it’s just nice to know there’s a community of people who can understand it because at the time I had no idea what was happening. Thank you guys",4.263137802607076,4.979583614525144,4.993980446927377,85.82642690875238,70.39664804469274,7.530912476722532,28.324487895716945,7.492282038375204,1.4293459962756048,693,24,147,7,12,224,105,179,0.04,0.853,0.107,0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,3,7,6,0,0,13,0,15,2,2,0,1,24,26,13,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,6,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,12,2,18,6,22,14,3,24,0,0,2,0,8,7,0,2,11,104,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935408556976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022915304978685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906216811788971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584299523293908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983721000346801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604857270586194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649871677372156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429153815651086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830328957731981,0.24508614991810984,0.0,0.0,0.16094736384333114,0.1446635359075312,0.2583942923191556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436434256384415,0.0,0.0,0.14388062801877588,0.0,0.0,0.1649309021555499,0.0,0.15249209287696802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605872167946372,0.2381845779526702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661688859560235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900221287570084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582137754493459,0.0,0.10128844082265677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992492902888956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34156986110341164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629558564301686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786260063742174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208567381264048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341145148408257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451070703172655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361599420842458,0.0,0.0,0.0851930071873844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272001589779806,0.15209689906357826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596863505780887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183395280645652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636369151446624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408462846454757
ptsd,ForBamse,2020/01/05,"Roommate reminds me of past abuser I was mentally and physically abused by my father until I moved out. I am now seeing help from my psychiatrist and got diagnosed with PTSD. I moved away and got married, now we live with my husband his brother in a house. The problem is that he is as abusive as my dad was. He constantly reminds me of him and my past trauma. We really want to move out, but don’t have the money at the moment. I am just really really struggling with everything. My school is suffering, and my marriage is too. I could move out myself and live alone, which is actually starting to sound like a good idea now. Any tips?",3.198299120234605,5.283594548387099,4.793460410557183,80.77382697947216,75.29032258064517,8.057478005865104,26.59530791788856,8.841846274778883,2.2348000000000003,500,19,94,11,11,168,79,124,0.163,0.762,0.076,-0.8948,0,1,0,0,2,0,14.0,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,5,0,12,1,0,0,0,20,17,10,0,3,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,14,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,4,0,0,4,2,20,2,18,12,0,19,0,1,1,0,12,6,0,0,10,69,22,1,0.0,0.4527609348018188,0.12430107972024225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319236286456468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662038095859027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196744051014105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764873409693884,0.0,0.10169976234917052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928445584614412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144777757073159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683735626893216,0.2037492298399292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537777610085759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697536728110006,0.0,0.14379255261251175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622297188587278,0.0,0.22495154819629984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283655424017896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5415242013481856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431905448406383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188209812376875,0.14889630015253005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24480192299329376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289118079371631,0.10150257084412098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015773505099198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331615634917366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512995386789112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mck3788,2020/01/05,"Intruder ptsd As a child, my friends dad was murdered while we were all on vacation together. It was a gang initiation he fell victim to since then I have had anxiety in regards to intruders. 
Fast forward to today,  I went to see an OpenDoor House nearby today with my 1yr old. If you're not familiar, OpenDoor is an app that allows you to tour homes that are for sale without the need of a realtor being present. They require that you scan your driver's license in before using the app,  I was always aware that just anyone could get in these homes so there was an aspect of danger but thought that maybe this security measure would decrease risk of touring alone.  We made it all the way upstairs and one of the doors was sticking so hard I had to throw my body into it. Did not think much of it because the house was in bad shape so figured it was just crappy doors. Once we're in there I try to open the closet door and it is stuck as well so I really put my body into it and it starts to give a little and there is a man hiding in the closet trying to keep the door closed. I freaking screamed and yelled ""omg omg im so sorry, we will leave, we will leave!!!!!"" as I grabbed my kid and we flew downstairs. I threw her in her car seat, didn't even buckle her and sped off down the street. I had to pull over in neighborhood because I was trembling and crying so bad (and I had to buckle her in!)
Needless to say, we will never tour another Opendoor home again. We told the app company and the police were called and they were sending someone out. Chances are he was just a squatter and he didn't want to scare me but his plan failed and he scared the shit out of me. I've never been so scared in my life. I know this isn't technicslly an intruder but it feels very similar and I feel like if I don't talk about it, it's gonna make my issues so much worse. This could have been really bad.",3.242646351242985,4.4531197958656366,4.128177849059971,89.23418604651165,73.26356589147288,7.095036977635214,24.97273456295108,7.503015589744147,1.0358675755145683,1479,45,317,17,29,476,202,387,0.18100000000000002,0.7659999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9945,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,7,3,2,3,18,19,4,5,22,0,37,4,3,4,4,60,58,32,1,7,11,1,4,1,1,5,1,3,9,3,20,28,0,3,6,0,1,10,9,15,1,1,28,9,41,4,44,22,4,46,0,1,2,0,32,24,1,2,14,211,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687468937258424,0.0,0.0,0.08586312555467322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082046942194469,0.07894078391498256,0.0,0.0,0.07215350205336506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584803648662236,0.12580847411549173,0.0,0.08780788652148698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292437352615558,0.0,0.0,0.10536948352276257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477913201627048,0.0,0.11335039818385342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815664028824778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043528759889426,0.07371962559668822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972506150159969,0.0,0.05391300523040632,0.09899014907369244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243881026642936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31052676871061224,0.0,0.0,0.2381369718957829,0.0,0.0,0.1114639189867652,0.10770452777510804,0.0,0.09172084562687123,0.0,0.0,0.05671103998008554,0.0,0.0,0.21852860414674105,0.0,0.0,0.07288681011171028,0.050413879159086065,0.10342442752413697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764175909268953,0.06888075135083814,0.0,0.10366916543804387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517144231394569,0.07651477182752776,0.15917442337247908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828152918846916,0.10989497949903797,0.06992484912034799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206246825598806,0.10373539262958653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221351245067695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820615744217819,0.3099363874812889,0.0,0.08222981615084705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592401334111998,0.08536060895200916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743334556108373,0.0,0.0,0.11551380495534752,0.07303907591862976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294096589087732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612058539029014,0.0,0.08192207697771382,0.0,0.0,0.1956258838525775,0.09860336189936016,0.0,0.14011974439589006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912383724508853,0.0,0.08514332957528861,0.060864687885254024,0.08190816218715333,0.0,0.0,0.0927810445744853,0.0956590318867246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994723803313436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516038005990863,0.07330388053988174,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dsfkjsd,2020/01/05,PTSD Any advice for ptsd that rebounds after getting sober. I have done great with abstaining and as my brain continues to heal so do so many memories repressed. So many triggers and it keeps getting worse. I knew it was coming and I know I am going to continue to stay sober even if it means being in a troubled head space.  I feel like getting alcohol out of my life was critical to get better. Now I feel like I'm sober long enough to want some kind of life without jacking up my sobriety. And that means addressing my demons the worst is me. I am a functioning ptsd person as in I can hold a job only because without that nothing can get me out of my head.  Therapy and ssri drugs do not work the drug's make it worse for me and my doctor knows I never want anything addictive prescribed. What I know I need to do is eat healthy and get sugar out of my diet. I know and I'm as addicted to sugar as I was with alcohol. Just need some courage to get started,3.306153846153848,4.688828333333333,4.608205128205127,85.17846153846155,73.35897435897436,7.866666666666667,28.384615384615394,8.447377352677275,2.0182923076923074,755,30,153,13,15,250,106,195,0.091,0.807,0.102,0.0865,1,0,4,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,5,0,15,17,3,2,1,41,42,16,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,10,0,1,1,8,14,6,4,9,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,4,23,6,29,36,4,17,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,3,9,101,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22070032765489275,0.0,0.09891587377618012,0.0,0.21635742702003027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883645397137274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329952927922432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061705805061566185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952526419185647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300054891217327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719635266148879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360805090963418,0.0,0.1035882937133968,0.0,0.0,0.23477766777768205,0.1035784199954728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045924580415334,0.0,0.06685814113629777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236477739132804,0.14463028435127473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702010997420885,0.0,0.05752848587175969,0.0,0.0,0.11160089199972864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077720549658928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045016815360842,0.0899734085501765,0.0,0.10541023426661562,0.22252239540795368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299638646547325,0.09890681916806936,0.0,0.0,0.08958091727535172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756845665971961,0.2052524729843975,0.0,0.2205273452069348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501140722964468,0.07807094083656757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712809330988684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698615465722286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838574350839344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549797356648849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716475581187727,0.10789235465493607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575958045229084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194102254934856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951545268437538,0.0,0.07369298718994323,0.0,0.20631379429083765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,doctordanish123,2020/01/05,"I had a panic attack and felt like it led me into a flashback and I don't know if I responded properly. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since the last three years, and I couldn't get any medical help as my parents said they ""don't believe in mental diseases"" and only recently, as I managed to get some professional help, I was diagnosed with panic disorder and insomnia, and this was about two months back.

I have always felt that my symptoms more or less would be better diagnosed as PTSD. I have been in taking medication for the last few months.

I have been having panic attacks since the last three years, with varied intensity, although avoiding triggers have been helpful. When they are very intense, I kinda seem to go into this flashback where I feel as if I am in a past event of my life and things are repeating themselves. As could be understood, my body tries to prevent this by going into a state of panic before and all this combined with the anxiety of panic attacks and my past and all those memories make my life so much harder and deteriorate the quality of living to very substantial levels. 

A couple of days back, something triggered me and I was about to have a panic attack. As I was on medication, I was able to let it happen, and soon, I was in this flashback which related to the times where I was little and my parents used to abuse me physically. They used to beat me, for invalid reasons, for trying to take their angry out, or express their emotions. And suddenly, I understood what was going wrong. I was afraid. I was afraid, that they would kill me, and I won't be able to stop them or do anything, and this was the same feeling as 10-12 years ago.

​

But this time, I did something different. When I was in the flashback, I.... I stopped my dad. I grabbed the stick he was using to beat, and I tried to stop him. But he wouldn't. He tried to hurt me again, but then, in order to defend myself, I had to hurt him. But even then he wouldn't stop. So I kept hurting him, and I started feeling better and secure. It was as if the fear was going away and no one could harm me. But then my mum comes in the picture and she starts hurting me, and I did the same.

​

As I found myself being safe, I was able to control myself, and breathe properly, and the thing ended. I still had my mind numb for a while, as usually happens with my panic attacks, but I felt better.

Am I okay? Can you please give me your opinion on this? Thanks for reading.",4.644380424300866,5.729484397540986,5.4105159112825465,81.83602700096435,69.77868852459017,8.118225650916107,29.31195756991321,8.405096225971981,2.1020863548698165,1958,73,375,29,34,637,216,488,0.16899999999999998,0.753,0.077,-0.9919,3,1,2,0,1,1,74.0,0,2,7,6,14,34,6,11,20,1,53,12,2,9,2,90,85,57,1,10,12,4,7,1,0,5,10,1,0,0,18,35,0,10,12,1,0,6,7,26,0,4,33,8,73,8,59,39,9,63,0,6,0,0,28,18,0,10,38,292,91,3,0.17226292238407326,0.06803446479453429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050900228981167334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047778850372847334,0.1244312029549697,0.1395455372087333,0.03904823145616063,0.0,0.08785377607964205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725256912328884,0.0,0.0,0.32662323815800826,0.05394889537616115,0.0883063694384889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886101972836635,0.06469377454504223,0.0,0.15235255605081086,0.0,0.06378175762423298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049463084810772134,0.0,0.0,0.06440250508911334,0.0916919509080758,0.06353521570827604,0.0,0.03703177799390807,0.0,0.049456600876689814,0.1165621600758699,0.0,0.059992696532433526,0.06580941107061479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645908672422029,0.050857939629352734,0.0,0.0,0.03792601186145538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461455987509229,0.0871013094790716,0.0,0.16539941992235166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295913433096086,0.0,0.0,0.06000017803716959,0.055083430639456685,0.1305346514552973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155435557146553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546420572748327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458813616515392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352780024755601,0.0,0.031557065692556736,0.14041727336899693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871683643592824,0.08111626433314725,0.028052987513516876,0.05755090110744501,0.050703772156059035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03832894611162775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353677132336348,0.057866836363799086,0.0,0.057978814989593966,0.0,0.09166574744188208,0.0,0.04221102292606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890993813564009,0.043671238312554636,0.0,0.4715979876944966,0.12751839291005515,0.0,0.10962963424770424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303098639766316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712204595476745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743651305911171,0.0,0.0,0.059038324853345335,0.056696284633489524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462049566651731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227389826518748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499844634135156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841094243746182,0.0,0.0,0.08128572206389513,0.0,0.045856464112336376,0.19202602204819572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968237821733366,0.08634685283174431,0.0,0.0,0.05286551822590903,0.0,0.0,0.07629588747408196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696526356258584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594028888477782,0.0,0.05609194812921075,0.0,0.0,0.14877985597003426,0.06324109062789855,0.09475663453302588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158042506463274,0.0627808211134622,0.1395455372087333,0.1109316741535808
ptsd,blaghblaghblaghasdfg,2020/01/05,"Your trauma journey? Did any of, while undergoing therapy or otherwise, manage to uncover any traumatic events that you had forgotten about? Did they help explain any dysfunctions that you were/are struggling with?",8.617843137254905,12.025429411764712,7.571176470588237,60.966960784313756,63.70588235294117,12.768627450980391,40.74509803921568,11.855464076750405,6.7025803921568645,176,10,22,7,3,54,29,34,0.27699999999999997,0.66,0.064,-0.8418,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7704273083394821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531250709723854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39479278740900653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43186585419529583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,deacie,2020/01/05,"Recent trauma This is my first post so, sorry if there's mistakes. But its 6am as I'm typing this, i couldn't sleep and i just.. Felt like i had to get it out. Anyway. I was raped back on August 2nd, 2019. And.. It happened after i fully recovered from my previous trauma, there was maybe two weeks or maybe even less where i just... Finally felt at peace with myself.. I didn't hold any self destructive anger towards my abusers anymore i just.. Let it all go. I was finally back to being ""normal"" again after being... ""Different"" for... Most of my life. I always had a promise to myself that if i was ever raped again i would kill myself. So after i was raped during 2019 i was.. Completely broken. I didn't want to call it rape because i couldn't... Deal with myself if i ""let it happen again"". I get nightmares about it often and the day before i had another nightmare and it was of me.. Taking back my rapist after he begged me to. I get scared when i see red cars, because he had a red car. I don't like crucifixes because he had a crucifix above his door when he raped me. As dumb as it sounds, i don't like the store Target anymore because that's where i met him- and he told me he goes there often. I'm petrified of seeing him again. I might see him again when i start college and i can't talk about this to anyone in my life. Every time I've tried they've.. Ignored me basically. Or they tell me i deserved it. Either way it's not pleasant and i feel like I'm back to step one of recovery. I always wanna wear shoes that make me appear taller just so i feel safer and i never want to forget my knife at home because of the need for self defense. I want to change my appearance so drastically that he wouldn't recognize me if for some reason our paths crossed again. Part of me wants to be everything he loathes just to spite him and because.. It is truly just who i am. I want to heal so badly i don't wanna take another 5 or more years for recovery. I don't think i can make it till then. Don't know if i can be that success story. I feel like a lost cause. I feel all alone in this world, and i feel exposed everyday. I just want my armor back, i want to feel secure and carefree like i did during that brief time. I wonder if I'll ever get better from this. It's even more rough because everybody thinks I'm fine, and i hide my emotions well i suppose but.. It's like i drop hints to people and they just.. Still don't see it. They think that just because my outward appearance is ""better"" now- that I don't have any inner issues anymore but, I'm on the verge of breaking down in public everyday. I'm holding on the best that i can. I don't know how much longer i can handle this without any help.",0.7426783734904632,2.916889266903916,2.6376343270520977,92.56162446765067,84.26690391459077,5.322256577795928,19.355463508546762,6.636973602784848,0.1370164167784842,2096,57,453,23,61,697,240,562,0.133,0.7929999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9714,1,1,0,0,1,1,84.0,1,0,3,6,46,35,12,1,9,0,44,12,3,5,5,93,94,39,1,22,24,0,9,7,0,3,3,1,2,2,32,16,0,5,15,0,1,9,17,19,1,3,20,16,86,16,53,63,11,69,0,1,6,6,28,18,1,18,45,310,118,3,0.0,0.08354381478903636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730279647648518,0.0,0.0,0.11734133393823408,0.0,0.0,0.1438493663379999,0.1478735263370293,0.0,0.0,0.2097834178670204,0.049302818436686636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710924160034703,0.05887360574229905,0.343862026407263,0.0,0.059999531045300876,0.0,0.07399677588156599,0.12472221506932235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199945071339647,0.0,0.0,0.07243405527057672,0.07459111878673916,0.0,0.07392927369030243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04547365826092768,0.0726935794033502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736688198097377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931520393733367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314348897162993,0.12756218229797692,0.059408423385849375,0.0,0.0633705959769197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391439438755436,0.10074591565426393,0.13540292699137105,0.15448235625806106,0.0,0.05997648405774475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735601364352044,0.0,0.040072935010465764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470500500746293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726192941176785,0.0,0.07072812112038153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359499714619291,0.0,0.0,0.07800979685612368,0.0,0.07750182674226651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442042212874266,0.09960778238342806,0.2411362417754597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697091065324553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413306578303636,0.0,0.14167523115633265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748008579733363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183358011326388,0.05228289404923171,0.05438230627734048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908565184068992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0477799696796899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635636794674525,0.0,0.04888333796625095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752989324417437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249688656915976,0.06962094751463767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059365105434451,0.0,0.2247520400475564,0.0,0.14711636688121454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056176158445783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893111201216775,0.04990793511500295,0.0,0.05631004750681741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603075224266274,0.05667394188652045,0.06162958161356572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554149654498476,0.0,0.0,0.08223087509054862,0.0,0.0,0.06737612881735844,0.0,0.04787223156705617,0.0,0.06887884456525466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911238400673902,0.055968222385230255,0.05655954229817705,0.0,0.06339771272139717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796993309228504,0.07646599764610525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008887732558513,0.0,0.0,0.04540666884895778
ptsd,marvelousme04,2020/01/05,"I had an episode during a lunch detention ☹️ *description of what happened* So I had a lunch detention for tardies (it takes alot to get up in the morning lol) and I brought my lunch that was on one of those foam trays to the room but I turned too quick and I hit my lunch against the door and it hit the ground and splattered everywhere. This triggered an episode (flashback/anxiety attack) for the first time in months. I didn’t even hear the lady tell me to go get another lunch until the fifth time she said it. I was back in seventh grade, picking up the food off the ground. I didn’t go get another and I don’t know how I ended up in the bathroom stall but I did 😕 So a fun day at school, it’s been weeks and I’m still anxious about the whole thing, wondering if I’m going to get in trouble when clearly I’m not😩",1.8153949903660875,3.4538500000000028,2.9588670520231237,94.39109441233143,77.90173410404623,6.463044315992294,25.406165703275533,7.3011,0.9500207321772643,642,24,148,8,15,206,103,173,0.073,0.875,0.052000000000000005,-0.0799,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,3,1,0,17,1,9,6,0,3,1,16,29,14,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,9,6,6,0,2,0,0,4,3,2,0,2,10,2,15,1,22,17,2,30,0,0,0,0,4,14,0,3,12,93,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36708452688741794,0.13390334183091876,0.19774274959963786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913062391010006,0.0,0.13459316719693526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128848194943784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503142560046454,0.0,0.0,0.11561073313375173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488869564422825,0.21165625069936744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657998418801642,0.0,0.2984338323503578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478523741742414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197280180420263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619612822972017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971340176397132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186100581965502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665009115960513,0.0,0.0,0.1771474713268999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978531289594295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160654745530434,0.0,0.15299064253951014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628725316796805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413175113815854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039072643374674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404046643087062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195423312532458,0.0,0.0,0.18982089129949986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pinknbluesunsetdad,2020/01/05,i can’t keep a job i was diagnosed with ptsd & bipolar type 1 about a month ago & my entire history of mental health involves me struggling to keep my jobs. the one i have right now i’m considering quitting because whenever i’m there i’m always on guard & having flashbacks at the register & asking to go home early. i feel like my managers resent me & idk what to do,4.804155844155844,5.41553954545455,6.0471688311688325,79.13646753246755,69.12987012987013,8.757402597402598,30.984415584415583,8.841846274778883,2.5145553246753254,303,12,58,5,5,102,57,77,0.084,0.8809999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.34,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,4,0,5,3,0,0,0,5,13,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,9,1,8,12,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,30,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523893562744529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175588496549262,0.7654008502932691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320806182589394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612486092438668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433993633676877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143697588571872,0.10093266843192432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029443647890867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017731902565715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171845978064354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28040333493515235,0.2511578056730825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902378177243107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423801255788288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277081530775705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573707888898284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515237280409495,0.0,0.0,0.15027195814575434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120654987746537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147699762549068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,minimantate,2020/01/05,"A knock on the door Trigger warning: mention of sexual assault.

I have always had a fear/hatred of sudden loud noises. After my rapes all sounds became amplified due to hypervigilance, well it's 4:34 am where I live and I was mostly asleep (finally) and I hear a knock at the door, and my dog starts barking. It sent me into a mild panic attack, and now I'm laying in bed refusing to even stand up or make any noise. I hate being so afraid for my life all the time.",3.472902735562311,4.7021210319148965,5.087568389057751,82.50500000000002,72.72340425531915,7.499088145896658,23.003039513677805,7.957251820313856,1.1366401215805468,363,9,72,5,7,123,73,94,0.23600000000000002,0.743,0.021,-0.9698,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,4,2,7,0,5,3,1,2,2,12,11,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,3,3,9,1,11,7,3,15,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,7,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23680343296261586,0.0,0.0,0.19353239326144525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32376460914236543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879704040028016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202452440439181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117567447572961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28097578844148285,0.0,0.0,0.3207559904705453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010158230398579,0.0,0.0,0.25130004629689745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996744271249105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33390752122343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014357596024793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594794744034436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255882484211522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,KittenBa3,2020/01/05,"Has anyone tried ketamine therapy or psilocybin microdosing for relief of ptsd symptoms? I'm seriously thinking of trying one of these methods for relief.  If anyone has tried these, I would love to hear of your experience.",7.461754385964912,10.024749736842107,7.981578947368423,60.39938596491231,64.78947368421053,10.329824561403509,36.35087719298246,10.504223727775694,4.795498245614036,182,9,24,5,3,60,28,38,0.039,0.726,0.23600000000000002,0.8658,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,7,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701346822023791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25890353465172256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983086494338166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388800723925901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793510437516058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093916253160024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750993021253953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026796276831163,0.0,0.0,0.16959344428195308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390920979541621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801796001366025,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NotBrokenYetBritches,2020/01/05,"Small breakthrough with my girlfriend I told her about my assault today, and I think I made a small breakthrough--or at least, I think there's a sign of progress. Usually when talking about it, I would say that ""I was assaulted,"" but today, for the first time, I said ""he assaulted me."" That's a good sign, right??",3.4884999999999984,5.350990850000001,3.4466666666666685,91.725,73.83333333333334,6.8000000000000025,27.0,7.554174236665415,1.3194,241,9,50,3,5,73,42,60,0.129,0.77,0.10099999999999999,-0.3839,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,3,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,2,11,1,6,2,1,10,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,6,32,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320039304132593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287726385460561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25808589280581085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329299411207381,0.25945097428765945,0.21690447710585894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922887738844565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495387725879988,0.0,0.0,0.15904471996025193,0.0,0.5170767237211563,0.2606275934182361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003993716681086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375621282392827,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sjhachman,2020/01/05,"Exam questions triggered me (Sexual Assualt TW) I just finished a human sexuality class that I am taking for my psych minor in school. I really enjoyed the class despite the hard work and the time crunch (it was an intersession class, so the whole 15 week course was condensed into 3 weeks).

However, the other day I was doing a homework assignment that asked us to decide if the given scenarios were rape. I was immediately uncomfortable and when I got to the 4th scenario, I had to take a break and calm down because it was nearly the same situation in which I was assaulted 

Today, I took my final exam, and because it wasn't comprehensive, a lot of the questions were about sexual assault. Some described situations, but others just talked about the reactions that people have after experiencing sexual trauma.

It really triggered me. Having to identify the different stages of reactions post-rape made me think of my own assault and it was just too much. I did manage to pull myself together, and I still got an A on the exam, but I feel so emotionally exhausted and just plain upset.

I'm frustrated because it's been a while since I've been triggered like this, and I know I've been making progress, but I'm sad I'm in this place again, especially since I know to expect that I won't really be feeling myself the next couple days.

If it were an in person class, I feel like I would have been better prepared and that I could have spoken to the professor privately about my concerns, but because it's online and because it's the last day of the class, there isn't really much I can do. 

I just need some kind words right now.",7.439259962049334,7.23410741935484,8.194022770398487,68.79456356736246,63.516129032258064,11.294117647058822,33.396584440227706,10.843485225782073,3.680876660341556,1300,47,227,31,17,438,163,310,0.11900000000000001,0.7979999999999999,0.083,-0.9023,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,3,16,15,5,1,25,0,30,2,0,5,0,45,49,20,0,6,11,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,19,11,0,0,9,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,22,5,30,6,24,23,8,31,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,7,19,166,49,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925976086609897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562211410449557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336399219151454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331296773117027,0.12931690239905533,0.0,0.2261187642372908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210660805437845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314655310746396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728233722306885,0.08349354630389098,0.0,0.12802781811652236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694680174401784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469456434140437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170444544335984,0.12845984510078146,0.09526646827786857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141957387834865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936059274483787,0.0,0.1105873323150068,0.07801312277169742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182907686839113,0.08665927957182055,0.0,0.0,0.12429494523028367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102449048119174,0.10204832551249617,0.12210660805437845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193129233801663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618472959023189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994853794888665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980824804018136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828093887679995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933558370210465,0.2627385723382023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333431590456297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574674793547268,0.09393747350244963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488700754026316,0.0,0.0,0.06814913867619024,0.0,0.11078121096981364,0.0,0.12984935067816106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058290568950174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874957106948429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304836739221546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508437725630925,0.0,0.0,0.08302268079324676,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ASingularFrenchFry,2020/01/05,PTSD / triggering nightmares? Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with traumatic nightmares? They’re so upsetting and really set me back when I’m trying to not think about what happened to me. Starting to give me sleep anxiety.,4.790714285714287,7.560696404761909,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,73.04761904761905,8.961904761904762,29.54761904761905,9.516144504307137,3.2410761904761918,187,8,31,5,4,58,36,42,0.209,0.7909999999999999,0.0,-0.8674,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,6,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299372629491286,0.0,0.2586654511380109,0.0,0.0,0.23642554880024202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599980092882953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958963258960102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243612528087126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990036896662226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952511792425841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21661216261436547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383701730630394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23932731075413174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166574766714812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295653469601961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tweetygang,2020/01/05,"Please help me :( Scared and confused

Someone in my family a cousin who is exactly one year older than me was the person who assisted me when we were little and one day I finally told him stop. We work together and he showed no signs of that behavior at all.It’s been like 10 years and he’s at my house for a family gathering. He was acting normal and I noticed him trying to get closer to the back of me not bad close but it made me not comfortable and scared cus of the past so I was very alert. I stayed to see if he would do it again if I moved and he kinda did stand behind me (maybe 3 feet away each time.) so I left the room and have been keeping away from him. I’m so angry and confused I feel anxious and almost suicidal",2.3891991341991345,3.618597681818187,4.050064935064935,88.88319264069266,75.42857142857143,7.730735930735931,21.924242424242426,8.344100000000001,1.009629437229438,569,14,127,10,12,191,100,154,0.175,0.743,0.083,-0.9478,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,4,6,0,11,1,1,1,1,31,18,17,1,4,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,14,0,2,1,1,0,2,3,5,0,2,9,2,20,2,15,8,1,25,0,0,1,0,17,10,0,6,12,82,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585429234064266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583263819901784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292464026428665,0.11968009810581685,0.12995566262892685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037705890356866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934533215460548,0.0,0.07869793409682715,0.0,0.0,0.17049963832578985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131720553698955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432442987630758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959148267516958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834292531072406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910691172681164,0.0,0.0,0.0760394594212729,0.15599548558985682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727346322470275,0.0,0.0,0.15636462478294785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542420683087106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249739760134487,0.0,0.17720094003781525,0.0,0.0,0.21093586988007226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485791508075681,0.0,0.13590173485419765,0.0,0.17084961557689926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116522110203039,0.0,0.12402756686685446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187607148576114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589505946417424,0.0,0.13012477641041542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024851921423442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907568657143663,0.0,0.0,0.14872385265747146,0.0,0.1056715907983262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842203104034244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331018338664972,0.0,0.0,0.1105645418029606,0.0,0.0,0.20045837735394414
ptsd,the_littlest_blep,2020/01/05,"I finally told my mom the other day. I've known I have PTSD of abandonment since early September of last year, but I just very recently worked up the courage to let my mom know.

I don't fully know why I was so reluctant to let her know. I think it was partially fear of being judged, and partially a worry that her knowing that I have PTSD would make her feel bad; she did everything she could for me growing up, and watching me after my dad left and then again when my sister left was very hard on her. 

I'm a very private person, and now that she knows, I'm not 100% sure how I feel about it (the only reason I even feel okay posting here is because it's anonymous! haha). She took it pretty well - so I suppose I should chalk it up to a success. 

Should I go about telling other people now? Is it necessary, or to my benefit? Or am I better off with people not knowing?

If you read this, thanks 😅",2.8714671814671817,4.049328567567572,4.2976254826254845,87.78682432432434,74.13513513513513,7.447876447876448,25.10617760617761,7.957251820313856,1.2890772200772198,695,22,149,10,14,231,113,185,0.113,0.721,0.166,0.9176,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,13,12,0,1,6,2,17,0,0,3,1,32,34,13,0,5,7,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,5,0,1,12,1,0,3,3,3,1,0,6,5,29,9,17,21,0,23,0,1,1,0,16,7,0,3,12,103,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269693502796004,0.07497752120683672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878040385009784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982026922435485,0.0,0.0,0.07932256346498717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812380243624556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054131806044684,0.0,0.0,0.13840525095223288,0.18657216918328173,0.0,0.0,0.13473664729355794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990174206694955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018069976309362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055739392116235,0.10025855883582847,0.0,0.0,0.2672721015008958,0.25154449702190285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210111491232801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28810401475893205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354437621688216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054056464773432,0.1073957944746147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779664200114327,0.12513165256364642,0.0,0.0,0.2875526393046913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302977872378805,0.0,0.0,0.12646088099837946,0.12144419954150673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174397095147136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592274010974607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075043571557804,0.11323864669079478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881118705498197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752842103605668,0.13665363060157526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304454966665833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058861950411862,0.0,0.11098520506757922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954291260467794,0.12490891017654206,0.0,0.08737318048507559,0.0,0.0,0.0792057096184817
ptsd,k8iew24,2020/01/05,"I can’t deal with it anymore I’m in a long distance relationship so I can only see my boyfriend if I stay at his house or he comes to mine. His family recently impulsively adopted an extremely poorly behaved dog. I’m currently at his house where she has completely scratched up my skin, had bitten my toes and one finger so badly it’s swollen, and purposely targets me and jumps on me all the time. Because of what happened to me, I’m terrified of anything or anyone who has previously done physical harm to me and every time she comes near me I sit there shaking. My boyfriend doesn’t handle her well because this is his first dog and she only attacks me, not him so he doesn’t feel the need to put her in the crate until he’s the one being targeted. Tonight was the final straw for me. She was completely calm laying across my lap then suddenly starts growing at me, attacks my arm, jumps on top of me while I’m hunched over, trying to shield my face, and continues trying to bite me until she’s dragged off of me. A half an hour later I’m still shaking and crying because it brought me back to how I felt when I was assaulted. Everyone seems to think I’m overreacting, despite knowing what happened to me so I told my boyfriend that that’s it. I cannot come back to his house until she gets better obedience classes and stops attacking people. Am I overreacting in the moment or do you think this is completely justifiable? He’s frustrated with me for making that decision and I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m sick of being attacked over literally doing nothing but this would mean I don’t get to see him or his family as much.",4.583643638303549,5.739371981595094,5.647028540944254,79.82148439583891,69.98159509202455,8.982448652974128,31.35182715390771,9.318704503766252,2.7977310216057614,1310,56,252,27,23,434,170,326,0.09300000000000001,0.8809999999999999,0.026000000000000002,-0.9426,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,13,13,6,2,10,0,23,7,5,2,1,36,52,27,0,3,7,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,14,14,0,1,9,0,1,10,7,10,1,4,8,7,51,3,39,41,2,52,0,0,2,0,25,16,0,6,24,174,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302337863313693,0.06804586859780677,0.0,0.08008308058906018,0.0,0.0,0.44284567952984993,0.0,0.14966056304406114,0.08125510401325425,0.17796946761825413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606842090308757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514883072335824,0.3061030871605291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689746278182002,0.0,0.10032890428641032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958843399613554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427654454931335,0.0,0.08199323891610058,0.09298996190293624,0.0,0.0,0.18348242533567036,0.0,0.0492060806840328,0.0,0.09343897641110648,0.10660532651003184,0.0,0.08277725457810606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168757344329084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211308913553722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583702152555956,0.33687007498087873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696506377960056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612192505142002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495943262560935,0.0,0.0,0.10600605616329184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153872928928799,0.07215885523777295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337768161839312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188818171141725,0.1480269692038682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674669176599964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782983077653036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608817500604963,0.10448136170759677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509709453836254,0.08859316826885738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888102754580748,0.10372630202761172,0.07771697876269848,0.08136084282930083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247128008215067,0.0,0.0,0.11349191584817178,0.0,0.0,0.09298996190293624,0.0,0.13214285438382736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749910382469425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913075708005069,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sleepydormi,2020/01/06,"Medications and PTSD TW: Rape, Suicidal Thoughts

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I have been on this group for awhile, but the reddit account I usually use can easily be traced back to me, and I don't want that, because I am about to get very personal. 

I was recently raped, by someone in my family (not blood related), and it has caused me so much distress. I already have General Anxiety Disorder, and I also have PTSD from being raped when I was 14, but this happening again has made my life hell, especially with my family aspect. 

​

I've been open about my case, I have been in therapy and continuing it, but now I went to see a psychiatrist. I have been to the hospital for wanting to kill myself as well. So my psychiatrist has prescribed me so many medications! She doubled my prozac, put me on xanax daily, and now she wants me to take mood stabilisers. I also was told to continue taking my adderall as prescribed (I have ADHD). Look, I am not here to ask if I should listen to her, I will, I obviously will, I can't afford to not listen. But, I want to ask, has anyone else felt overwhelmed by the amount of medication they are given for their PTSD? And those who have had to take this much in the past, has it helped you?

​

I am so desperate for my pain, my suffering, to be over. I hope this can help. I just don't know anyone IRL that has had this. So, I guess I feel pretty alone.",4.8443423202614415,5.609298540441177,6.007745098039216,78.90457516339872,69.11029411764707,9.86797385620915,29.08169934640523,9.994966539143718,2.716430718954249,1081,38,216,26,18,362,147,272,0.2,0.737,0.063,-0.9929,1,1,0,0,0,1,55.0,0,1,2,0,17,12,5,2,5,0,37,11,1,3,1,34,63,22,2,7,9,0,2,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,12,9,0,0,4,0,1,2,6,9,1,0,15,6,45,2,32,42,4,19,1,2,2,3,16,7,1,3,10,164,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027545668610107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950337634344957,0.10125739261198699,0.14675790775756914,0.0,0.2982597291097312,0.3344885618554281,0.0,0.0,0.07019472831173944,0.0,0.0,0.12831885426501874,0.09401706107268384,0.0,0.0,0.1715629547030285,0.0,0.0,0.07055634814503096,0.0,0.05593491236014536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426088889852613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516278153530233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665215440500149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730028220816843,0.0,0.04639567417066282,0.0,0.08810220696599172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047939842587495465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010819395195571,0.0,0.08114142289968884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300709827086732,0.0,0.0,0.09113654006588356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015167902305564,0.0,0.05042787576020965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648114900760417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705373031780156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682377361204302,0.0,0.09302835508450602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27731002715460257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490558599868704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976371336792234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759353023092413,0.0,0.08011967127072746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335101917172348,0.0,0.0,0.3217810769056829,0.09224227757590607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060009651776506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311936007690792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077746376874804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003685155925828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697211248848807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493343342633214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284571613042481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767883793254366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924957457043078,0.10105863112222226,0.07571007774043577,0.2164853206669688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250159034903244,0.0850607179311051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344885618554281,0.0
ptsd,annaw27,2020/01/06,"I can’t escape this My trauma happened to me when I was 8. And then a bunch more shit happened repeatedly at different ages. I was put on so many anti-depressants at the same time, and now ex (boyfriend at the time) said it seemed like too much but I brushed it off bc wtf did he know he isn’t a doctor? well I got a third opinion, which is when I found out I was heavily over medicated and actually have PTSD not depression.

and I’m too scared to tell people. my ex left me a few months after I tried to kill myself, because I did it in the same place he witnessed his mom try, and it reopened all of his trauma.

I know I shouldn’t blame myself but I do. I miss him terribly. And he got a new girlfriend right away to mask it all, but since then he’s been so back and forth with me. and I love him so much, and I know I deserve better and whatnot but what if people are telling him he deserves better than some girl with PTSD? he probably has it too, it’s all relative isnt it? it’s bullshit. it’s hard, and my nightmares are so bad, and I get sick every morning after I wake up from them, and I just don’t know what to do anymore. No matter how much help I get I can’t escape the pain of everything, I can’t get over what’s happened to me, and I can’t get over losing him.

Bc as corny as it is, I felt like I could get through it all when I had him, and now I have all the shit PLUS the pain of losing him and the pain of knowing I hurt him.",2.3561385281385263,2.889590133333337,4.0042496392496405,91.85633116883119,74.65079365079364,7.124098124098125,24.159451659451666,7.1686216300943375,0.6682698412698418,1112,31,270,11,22,374,150,315,0.225,0.6679999999999999,0.106,-0.9935,1,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,4,16,22,3,1,12,0,25,10,3,1,5,48,47,34,1,3,7,3,2,2,1,1,6,1,0,1,17,20,0,0,8,0,0,1,10,16,1,1,12,4,47,6,32,33,14,32,0,5,0,1,27,15,2,4,18,189,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.09824325701778958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984151078080933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458649406175912,0.07741205663499058,0.08405854669816029,0.061369908127845124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780758628169123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803799606053672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734206586630089,0.0,0.0,0.10518285489903427,0.0,0.10304405816090273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482214854144055,0.0,0.09047925864321517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666278392555007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038379458943187,0.0,0.0,0.26298992982370606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103631601102747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670769359566184,0.0,0.09018408868531892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674796294606756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777355028119512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138081436097888,0.0,0.27663886219758554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938254592998226,0.0,0.0,0.09836841767975704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252568069539315,0.0,0.0,0.09086217434182624,0.0,0.0,0.10206758827226764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014184175340086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790811854291325,0.08035698984774327,0.0,0.2220208203429199,0.0,0.0,0.097231532415406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213725562943477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395892877764003,0.0,0.10518285489903427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085435501767771,0.0,0.2353649303418045,0.10120513041815436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597500691086295,0.0957639846560099,0.0,0.1007921909814645,0.0,0.0,0.0916497869580103,0.0,0.0,0.20668073475908136,0.08327853534433183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598694690887448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740758471776833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670201313432895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051797538398927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,StephPowell31,2020/01/06,"Break down in session So today was my first session back after 3 weeks for Christmas.

I'd spent 3 days at my parents, in my old bedroom. I basically drank and smoked to manage being there and to abate the memories of having the crap kocked out of me by my dad.

I wasn't with my therapist 5 minutes before I felt my throat constrict, beforenmy breathing got laboured.

I cried a lot that session and was barely able to do the processing part of EMDR.

I felt like I didn't deserve my life because I was never able to do what my dad wanted or be what he considered a good daughter.

My therapist logicised that I shouldn't have to earn my life and that no child deserves being hurt ect, my head got it but my heart just wont believe it.

That session hurt a lot, I felt sick and tearful all day, maybe stuff just built up over the last few weeks I don't know but today for the first time in weeks, I felt worthless.",3.9398170478170513,4.908485335135137,4.63027027027027,87.21239085239088,71.32432432432431,7.2058212058212066,28.284823284823283,7.321109707123232,1.4433575883575889,717,26,148,7,13,230,110,185,0.115,0.8640000000000001,0.021,-0.9485,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,1,0,8,0,15,9,5,0,2,24,25,9,0,2,5,4,4,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,9,7,1,1,5,0,1,0,7,4,0,2,13,4,24,2,21,7,5,24,0,3,0,0,6,8,1,3,16,99,33,7,0.24664474344509665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482729161892647,0.0,0.07517617316519452,0.0,0.10493825521402167,0.13894208229192445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546383456476296,0.15906545511155853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736352655362587,0.0,0.0,0.2097958927758736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343695441057724,0.1972643327591546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656433189243788,0.0,0.0,0.14613760426528905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640382990858946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777475034006801,0.10052419257157076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421247644690638,0.060249081570030165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968854077752885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389389804866766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511381565549087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294060840669883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369348995791483,0.13354611089812587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117461100338485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863735572816974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191026668366067,0.0,0.2337903773730722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273873001443468,0.0,0.29676530371511306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kyle61603,2020/01/06,"anyone else not able to cry? because me too. only when i get extremely stressed and frustrated with something i start crying and it’s always the wrong time. i can never just cry, no matter how hard i want to, it takes a hell of a lot to get me to cry. anyone else?",-0.522681818181816,1.7044935272727282,1.6803409090909118,95.26051136363638,95.54545454545452,4.204545454545455,15.965909090909092,5.985473137389443,-0.4587727272727276,204,5,44,2,8,68,40,55,0.28300000000000003,0.5379999999999999,0.179,-0.8740000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,10,6,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,6,6,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,28,8,0,0.160208768181802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330652918409244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224043391504233,0.3283056311971289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766177807960162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7039272360940491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676677365515465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740493800387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351558808184886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620376558840186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356287857907823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184598748584505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333653683859305,0.0,0.0,0.11339659070908392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835186026633288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045705544550855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341902109159413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449528233968063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516313801303138,0.0,0.0
ptsd,myweedshmack,2020/01/06,"People with PTSD, please help. My personality test came back with high frequencies of Schizophrenia, Sociopathy, and PTSD. I often have thoughts and visions of doing vicious things to living things to kill them.
My question is, do any of you with PTSD only have thoughts and urges to murder?",6.862800000000004,9.349916280000002,5.333000000000002,79.09150000000002,66.2,7.4,30.5,8.07648339933343,2.2907999999999995,234,9,37,3,4,68,36,50,0.193,0.696,0.11199999999999999,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,8,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,9,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,26,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136764757808125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485419388624453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094414057540826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948312484540614,0.20410313714085815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137228080022306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057969139920195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469205551699052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392528471696805,0.16867555683455207,0.0,0.21205140665290428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6774441465502916,0.0,0.21640354322392547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566777260733237,0.0,0.0,0.3067234684423975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FenderES6137,2020/01/06,"Depressing experience with mental health services I've been seeking help for roughly a year. I'm just writing out my experience to see if anybody can relate.
    After breaking down, I was told by loved ones to seek medical help. I did that. I followed it all the way up the chain. The places medical professionals told me to go, I went there, and they told me there was nothing they could do, apart from putting me in a residence for the mentally ill. Everyone, including medical professionals has told me that that would be a terrible idea. 
     I stuffed so much emotions down my whole life, then find it impossible to open up during counselling.",6.493782051282049,7.9067641367521375,6.653920940170941,73.40600961538466,65.75213675213675,10.636324786324787,36.84722222222222,10.686352973137794,4.280470940170941,512,26,89,14,8,164,82,117,0.07200000000000001,0.85,0.078,0.2023,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,7,0,10,7,0,0,1,12,20,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,1,9,2,13,1,16,8,3,18,0,1,1,1,10,9,0,1,3,62,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271537932000238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159234202100667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880094227925504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489712201683926,0.0,0.27618912014314034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902982334313776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023203022443412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500605985603497,0.0,0.0,0.18925095194747787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936745314570394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971486496670226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741439992812426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.426651692148883,0.2845389304600193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377860681284994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354595727662966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566267034002483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749603382007356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191814201325792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249682900309968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5395884880673569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205678118777386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130869047949976,0.0,0.15761492918727796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028544997876386,0.0,0.0,0.09091096588081207
ptsd,hawaiianshirtday2,2020/01/06,"My girlfriend witnessed her friend's suicide and I don't know how to help It happened about a year ago. I went to pick her up at the scene. The initial shock faded over the next few weeks and I supported her how I could, being there for her, planning activities etc.

She never really liked to open up and I felt that she was handling things well as time went on. 

About 9 months later, now, it seems she's worse off than before. She's told me she has nightmares, flashbacks, guilt, shame of being a bad friend, and is crying all of the time.

She's more sensitive than usual and has taken it out on me at times, just in kind of snappy ways. I'm not saying I'm abused or anything just that she's very quick to react negatively even at a joke or while playing a game. She just doesn't seem like herself. 

I know it's not her fault and I feel selfish to even say this but it does effect how I feel. It's like we had many months together where things seemed great (even after the suicide) but it's almost like she's truly reliving the trauma now. 

I've offered to talk about things when she wants to, and sometimes she does. I've advised for therapy more aggressively in the past few weeks since she's told me how poor she's felt. She doesn't want to do therapy but the last conversation said, ""maybe."" I just don't see how she can heal without it. 

I'm giving her some books I bought related to surviving with trauma that could help. I'm just curious how other people have handled these situations. What do I do?",3.8476542473919513,4.967533140983608,4.518457526080479,87.36013040238453,71.68852459016394,7.512667660208644,24.683308494783912,7.84624498591911,1.1176229508196722,1188,33,250,15,22,380,162,305,0.141,0.757,0.102,-0.875,0,0,0,0,1,2,33.0,1,0,0,3,24,21,1,2,12,0,18,1,0,9,2,50,44,21,2,4,13,0,4,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,18,11,0,0,10,4,2,2,9,9,1,0,11,8,38,12,35,29,7,39,0,0,1,0,39,14,0,7,26,166,56,2,0.0,0.12175376020470045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109051261670637,0.0,0.10289926562296832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456269903008241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580028209191419,0.0,0.0,0.08744116525838506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409094768773574,0.0,0.11287700105699153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798518832709541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114604529158265,0.20361597174221754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039170561553606,0.07341174261162625,0.19733137091658665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587841947725366,0.0,0.0,0.09857672615758492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329322894523886,0.0,0.0,0.09087030149595912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377556826903962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700869491229496,0.11294838346120725,0.08376309018278724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081332160464566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418248007128084,0.10323620105636663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404405424116986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925482328751415,0.0,0.10928639315379678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809601824483173,0.07124082403679399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583066766310444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774826261552794,0.1634377041661834,0.0,0.0,0.08188639116662201,0.28064645001172345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500410851025933,0.1155065109849058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163223721894622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480545562714915,0.11661079541884906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259457085759117,0.0,0.0,0.2350299610655095,0.0,0.20480747256948648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17976049344549233,0.0,0.0,0.1963831087259904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317558838224992,0.08478773658013193,0.12122098464292695,0.08156608056002887,0.1648556979986882,0.0,0.0923935533911057,0.1905190421276652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905694342238283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472118776259244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617405112144525
ptsd,19931,2020/01/06,"I thought my heart was racing Yesterday when i was struggling to concentrate on the sermon at church I thought my heart was racing like it was when I was in A&E. It felt like it was pounding but I felt my heart and it was beating normally. I've never had something like this happen before, it was really weird and made it even more hard to concentrate after that.

Has anyone else experienced something like this before?",4.602983725135624,7.0320831139240525,4.793707052441231,80.79518987341773,72.29113924050633,7.552260397830018,27.74141048824593,8.418075326091056,2.2151359855334545,342,13,58,6,7,107,45,79,0.122,0.7609999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.1101,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,1,0,10,3,3,1,1,10,16,5,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,14,4,8,4,6,2,1,8,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,9,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736719270518236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446175630246637,0.167728398050532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785906330928626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367490423417244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081212765708639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31435234989313365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447579909776588,0.0,0.14664164971203236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5819503231863504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31989915867431845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489542317634916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625432958313773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038971595794066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048694132048488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25204611531766563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711331535398256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599165541231732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DanielKush,2020/01/06,"I think i cured my violent sexual trauma and ""fetish"" by getting it to happen to me again. Is this possible? Is it sick? Trigger warning I (25M) was sexually abused almost daily as a kid from age 6 to 12, by an older man. I wouldn't call it ""rape"" because he didn't actually force me, he just taught me how to do everything and I never really existed. This led to me, at age 13, to start hanging out with older men who gave me alcohol and weed in exchange for sexual favors, because it just came naturally to me.


 At 16 I was literally raped, strangled for 2 minutes , by one of these men who gave me shots of alcohol and got me kinda drunk, I wasn't wasted. Before I went to his house, I told him I did NOT want to get effed that night and he agreed and promised. But all of a sudden when I got there, he violently threw me on the ground and did it anyway. I remember his arms were around my neck while he was behind me on the floor, and my eyes were wide open but I couldn't see anything except super bright white light, fading in and out of consciousness. And I had to limp home bleeding after. (He still has 12 more years in prison).


I hated it at the time and it hurt alot, but when I turned 17, I started posting online hookup sites (ONLY WHEN I WAS SUPER DRUNK) that I was looking to be ""real raped, choked"" because for some reason it turned me on in my sick brain after that incident when I was 16. I wouldn't post it all the time , just like once every 2 or 3 months , and mostly did it for the messages . The guys I DID infrequently meet were all just really rough, but respected my feelings when I was in pain, even though I didn't want them to.


2 weeks ago, I posted on Grindr asking for that again. This guy sent me a car to his house, gave me lots of shots and one line of coke, which I had never done before. He choked me harder than the guy when I was 16 and did more stuff ,, you know ,, and I was literally in so much pain because he was using his whole hand, and I was screaming ""OKAY STOP , PLEASE STOP PLEASE, STOP"" and I was yelling so loud , and so much, and he only stopped when he noticed I was bleeding alot. And I was in so much pain almost crying ,, but I wasn't mad at him.


Over the next 2 days I realized that I do NOT want to be raped anymore. I can't go through it again. I feel like I cured myself from that sick fetish, and I feel brand new. It's so weird. I think it worked . Is this crazy???


TL;DR -- I (25M) was abused my whole childhood, and violently raped at 16 by a felon , and then I started having fantasies of being raped again when I was 17. I'm not talking about a fetish, I'm talking of a REAL rape. I found someone to do it violently to me again, a few weeks ago,, and I feel like it cured me of that sick ""fetish"". I don't feel so disgusting now for feeling that . Maybe because this time it was my choice? Is this sick? Do you think this cure will last? Thoughts? It's been weeks now , and the thought of being raped now sounds bad to me.",3.3058658008657997,3.9067854740259773,4.439415584415587,89.3570995670996,72.50649350649351,7.490043290043287,23.91991341991342,7.536579438409214,0.8076400432900432,2276,57,519,25,42,747,258,616,0.233,0.6859999999999999,0.081,-0.9989,0,0,2,0,3,0,98.0,0,2,1,3,34,33,15,0,19,1,53,28,5,5,5,91,96,50,0,6,14,0,9,3,0,3,12,4,1,7,37,31,5,4,17,3,1,8,14,23,0,2,47,19,80,10,68,41,16,88,0,1,5,8,39,25,0,9,55,343,117,2,0.0,0.1729271050868831,0.07121316424286066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293760342284616,0.1559763631144944,0.14614802934898746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237168352634782,0.0,0.0,0.06005228387616149,0.06496330462405224,0.06822186128927857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093115470457501,0.22242469762001765,0.0,0.12419285899781606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146433839606795,0.07451572932809923,0.08346406590846757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015971330518717,0.04706289807707232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467885682129062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048199360857022255,0.0,0.06148466346570883,0.0,0.06558530836538548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22139039886593767,0.10426684241922746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001342313421063,0.0,0.0,0.07625294859010101,0.0,0.041473427214171514,0.0,0.1167296969712836,0.0,0.0,0.21677044638044415,0.06453163397027396,0.0,0.0,0.07204779651894308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319996857018726,0.0,0.0,0.16840691960842682,0.07812134664693783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040105202794869635,0.05948444086691013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695583336478333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128069909569753,0.0,0.0,0.062040814679854166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733132897038678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824802322110534,0.0,0.16093527051482054,0.0,0.11256578139549896,0.07047979981190497,0.07760983957168756,0.06848218156079132,0.0,0.0,0.08308262735783953,0.0,0.0777160926778037,0.0988996236132148,0.11100169362332006,0.2329519330817101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020947679144906,0.0,0.08226845294701697,0.2096699015067092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166123264833307,0.09349942675920617,0.07503054986101826,0.0,0.0,0.08266655502497347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815170121501258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618315597102878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495643984108656,0.0,0.058278003747182686,0.2440417823115748,0.0,0.0,0.08353902265030316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173092314379731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402784794772378,0.07169765861805534,0.11586814531074935,0.12765709119889065,0.0,0.0,0.06973082889360542,0.0,0.0,0.15875189229349654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302705025029308,0.0,0.0,0.12912780218146558,0.0,0.17560865408218848,0.0,0.0,0.06764864256280922,0.0,0.16294817107905168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531267370260704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699356748023113
ptsd,pidgeonjail,2020/01/06,"Our house almost burned down, now anything related to fire triggers anxiety, even the word itself scares me. I also can't help being so paranoid. How can I cope? This happened the night of new years eve 2019. We live in a slum like part of city, so the houses here are made of light materials and most of the time are stuck to each other. Our neighbor had a cooking mishap that caused the fire, their house is right behind ours. The light materials made it spread easier.

That time I was in the house, I could already smell smoke but since it was new years eve I shrugged it off as bbq smoke or from the fireworks. Time passed and the smell got stronger, I went out and saw faint dark smoke. Noticed people outside were gathering in front of our gate, saw me and yelled ""there's fire!"". 

I rushed back in, yelled at my relatives to get out quickly. Grabbed my bag that had all my important documents in it, and this was the hard part; I had to evacuate 8 of my cats. They were all in the second floor. I havent gotten the money to buy enough carriers yet so I started to panic. How do I do this. Eventually I found a way, it involved carrying a medium size cage outside of the house and carry the cats one by one outside. I got so scared thinking what if I don't have enough time to get them all out. But thank God I managed. One window got slightly burned but other than that the firemen came in time to put out the fire that was starting to creep on our house.

It was a very scary experience I still haven't gotten over it. Everything they say about house fires were real, the smoke will kill you first rather than the fire itself. Breathing was hard, eyes hurt. Not that I doubt those facts, it's just so scary to go through.

When the house was declared safe to enter, we had no energy left to do a countdown so we tried to sleep. I couldn't sleep. The smell was still there. The fireworks didn't help either. I never knew I could be so scared of fireworks, I hated it. I kept thinking what if fireworks could cause another fire? What if fire happens when were all asleep? I can't.

-------

The incident also made me fear leaving the house. I'm scared no one will save my pets. I also got scared of being in the house alone. Scared of sudden loud noises, smell of smoke from any source. Scared of the word ""fire"". Sometimes I remember the incident and I start smelling smoke when it's not really there. Sometimes I hear sirens, sometimes I see smoke that isn't there and start to panic.

I'm scared I'm going crazy. I'd love to leave (we rent) and find a safer place, but right now I can't afford it. And scared because this isnt something we can control. We've never trusted the people who started the fire. They used to steal electricity from us by using a jumper, which could have also ended up in a really bad fire.

Sorry I had to tell the whole story, I feel like getting it off my chest. I'm so scared. I hate my dumbass neighbors. :(",2.916843910806172,4.777677118353348,3.3886178387650085,91.53560600343054,75.41509433962264,6.310655231560893,22.63770154373928,7.087006719466742,0.5914302161234999,2292,64,482,24,50,713,263,583,0.242,0.696,0.062,-0.9990000000000001,2,1,8,0,0,0,83.0,11,1,5,2,33,27,3,14,38,0,46,9,6,11,7,73,90,36,1,9,13,0,15,2,2,2,1,5,6,0,33,21,1,3,7,1,3,10,16,20,0,6,35,31,59,7,60,45,12,68,0,1,4,1,28,25,0,7,34,310,92,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049051370999198436,0.05073365521417258,0.05405613183154179,0.1566930493551987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03331145896446966,0.051365011503767724,0.03747336752032317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04031045603392787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03766641781400605,0.04090040335318925,0.029860782689834064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602575525943836,0.0,0.10064211422828682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054940808468973,0.1564420485202099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04338614338738184,0.1012291358149422,0.0,0.03235411030656393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04402453193597775,0.04791669956093523,0.0,0.055121709217558434,0.024768272366967013,0.03499487193363186,0.0,0.0,0.044771374602514284,0.04166658995552956,0.0,0.05370949058368818,0.0,0.0,0.07677787420884775,0.0,0.05567857394868592,0.0,0.15671101959479444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663449334651778,0.0,0.08776182192429131,0.09672503180419843,0.0,0.0,0.05520962064336744,0.0,0.06566718487236918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5652207785039396,0.05243942288384313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419461092432177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373601946635612,0.05322231259124228,0.0,0.0,0.047863163453968086,0.0,0.043254625434615016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044210847392747415,0.13905228738614378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556045647198517,0.0946199774002478,0.0,0.04596907545775423,0.0,0.0,0.055769712342628654,0.0,0.0,0.13277393205073673,0.0,0.0,0.11494661440099023,0.0,0.1060918966396046,0.0,0.06792002001105421,0.0,0.0511788671133977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049243423995637914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055755619362329034,0.06276205147079499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554904212915919,0.08366579245235721,0.0,0.03895481378694722,0.4904249987567065,0.0,0.03903467851380759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04052087289204282,0.0,0.09804069153666206,0.0,0.0,0.0377110226403218,0.1453421618645348,0.054834662795147406,0.17335906736062487,0.0,0.07823891969339207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04281502236361411,0.045098778493845325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277518094215395,0.0,0.0,0.14281764794612964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033257578771043614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058922886839131564,0.08461457163900286,0.0,0.04041772988364295,0.0,0.03888198865442077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045409557401788,0.0,0.054689968991325284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308942852850459
ptsd,wholesomemememes,2020/01/06,"How did you come to accept you might need to take meds to help you get better, and that that's okay? I come from a long history of depression and anxiety, took antidepressants/ansiolitics for about 5 years (from 18-23) and have been off meds for about 3 years now. Then last September I experienced the traumatic experience and haven't been able to be myself since then. My therapist said I might need to see a psychiatrist again (I stopped going to the one who prescribed me the meds back when I was younger) and I'm beating myself up for the possibility of needing meds again. I know they can help but i can't help but feel contaminated by everyone who says pills are bad for you, that I should just suck it up and blah blah blah even though I know, consciously, that that's bullshit. I think most people who had to take meds understand the feeling.  I was proud for going on 3 years without having to take pills and I'm afraid this kind of thinking will prevent me from getting better. How do you deal with this?",6.072597292724197,6.483421365482236,6.206408629441626,79.80558587140443,66.30964467005076,9.815397631133672,30.12225042301184,9.725611199111238,2.5134199661590526,807,27,163,16,12,257,114,197,0.139,0.747,0.114,-0.7278,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,5,1,4,12,10,1,1,7,1,18,2,0,2,0,34,43,15,0,4,4,0,2,3,0,4,2,2,0,0,11,10,0,2,9,0,0,5,3,4,0,1,8,6,22,6,28,30,1,22,0,1,1,0,15,4,1,3,13,109,33,0,0.1076101805448391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823214935747853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274558645894915,0.08985000587469645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034491968669007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539328416562373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109413709945578,0.09268449082052772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107550935408241,0.0,0.0,0.10282613904356994,0.0,0.10526340534757547,0.0,0.0,0.1088218812152393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244375577653497,0.0,0.12231469096243175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638650708185767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120594435367176,0.1182794819561942,0.0877166596835166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523162348728313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.597653258033209,0.0,0.0,0.22831479212450725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23937475605105465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291944331054506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460334980445693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121314309837569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236192418153174,0.08557593472564105,0.0,0.0,0.08575138155719475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901625335961337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996692940040406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24272839055253276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494371366649908,0.0,0.1379045171689695,0.10572645601857522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955887007735197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202599302402484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037323739669771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078922843975584
ptsd,Gnostictruth42,2020/01/06,"Politics is my PTSD now I found another forum and was banned within 12 hours.  

He police in my town are now stalking me because I disagree with extreme politics, which somehow makes me so extreme that I must be banned from everywhere.  Real life or online.  

This denial of fundamental reality is literally like my 40+ years of narc family pyschological abuse, scapegoating, manipulation, lies.  

It never ends, and most everyone is in full denial.  I am in Canada not the USA. It is the same, but the denial stronger.

It is ALL PTSD to me.  Triggering me weekly into episodes, when I am in a year's long episode where my family conspired to murder me, I has to flee my city.  Lost everything.  I had already lost a daughter before that.

Now the world is about to fall into a massive war all over it seems clear to me, yet all normal peoppe seem to deny it, and those that want the mass violence conspire to ban anyone talking about it.  In real life, the police in my Canadian town, the media here.  It is the same in Europe or Australia, and the USA is obviously ground zero.

I am truly trying not to get banned.  Not saying names and so on.  This has to trigger everyone with PTSD or CPTSD.  Everyone is pretending this is not 1914 or 1939... yet it so obviously is.  It is like my family abuse but on a global scale.  Don't talk about it and it will go away.

I have to sell my house ASAP.  I don't know where to go?  The biggest cities to hide in plain site?  The middle of no where in a cabin?  South America?  It is that bad.  This mass denial will make the very worst happen.  It is not even appeasing it.  It is still mass denial.  All over.  Millions now have PTSD from this.  Families split up over it.

No one will talk about it.  Not just here but anywhere at all.  Therapists or peers say... ""just deal with yourself."" Good advice to a point, but terrible advice to everyone.  The problem is not me anymore, it is everyone else.  Real or online.  Even therapists or peer groups are my problem.  But not just mine, he world's.",1.9823237832654084,4.515368595360826,3.6218532725965,85.16711699832176,82.11855670103094,6.805178614241189,22.425317669623595,7.97965635744439,1.3980182690002398,1557,52,299,31,43,516,188,388,0.19399999999999998,0.755,0.051,-0.9967,0,0,0,0,2,0,65.0,0,0,0,2,26,12,2,0,19,0,35,2,0,5,10,69,48,22,2,5,23,1,0,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,29,11,0,4,4,1,1,4,13,9,0,3,5,2,27,3,46,38,10,57,0,2,0,0,11,38,0,11,17,220,56,0,0.0,0.2026353812432677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712259698434154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943645752189723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966674690626712,0.0,0.0,0.08480488744208432,0.059791951298330474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034130212691716,0.0,0.07139891549650773,0.052127297658173255,0.0,0.07276438045403537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815907684807271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143427065878012,0.0,0.07573821604361992,0.0,0.0,0.11295968735540207,0.0,0.0,0.4085517157696463,0.07685263659447701,0.0,0.3224522653862798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375945137827617,0.0,0.0,0.044676470182957,0.0,0.09719683598226173,0.07172337569733363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561794459721942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421205639247292,0.09866932179808513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699513736781686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079925371513672,0.08355364941844592,0.0,0.0,0.07567539447294154,0.0,0.0,0.1866928133967464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415979579523812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595209587462596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378356575246435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794511775817492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083644293851686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364679583619435,0.39983562486891583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919939972911759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600508697866234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569375515818026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828996241782746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619382505575312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857195482736226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805700828393015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055632326173322,0.050437170064616,0.0,0.06859253701472033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013379837190336
ptsd,pyrofish9,2020/01/06,"restricted/blunt affect I forgot all about it until a couple of weeks ago when the person I've been trying to get into a relationship with told me the reason we kept arguing was because I talk in a monotone a lot and do not express many emotions on my face. I had to explain to them that i have restricted affect and it just means I don't express my emotions very well ... Things don't go very smoothly at all. It's frustrating when they think I'm not enjoying myself and then they distance themselves from me. I feel like my emotions are on my face, especially if I'm trying to be expressive, but I guess it's really not all that distinguishable. I'm glad they told me and are starting to tell me when they feel like I;m not engaged, that way I can try to at least be expressive in another way.. This shit is so depressing lol/ fuck.

I wish I understood when, why and how I am expressionless so I could fix it. It's legit ruining my life all around.",5.072417102966842,5.4902985759162375,6.186086387434558,79.0607351657941,68.47643979057591,9.717452006980805,30.57635253054101,9.725611199111238,2.7405075043630016,752,28,150,16,12,252,111,191,0.139,0.787,0.07400000000000001,-0.9129,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,5,0,11,12,4,0,6,1,15,5,3,4,4,38,34,16,0,3,7,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,9,0,3,8,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,8,3,28,6,19,23,6,20,0,2,0,1,18,8,2,3,11,106,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413627494192953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468432802417951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466455154603265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536657838460739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180988234943068,0.15495067828821535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206155321303869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725756533049619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161602436401136,0.2000880224079808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946395633013452,0.07316468654927444,0.0,0.07958748765402955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542689341802339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891380739414178,0.13683212985972631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905629469395818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197773861126214,0.0,0.1525437102860428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227680189510465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971267836667272,0.1439835905024597,0.0,0.15034966064640698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437481958392732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912044547687944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255818045323177,0.1224004072701851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303580213681732,0.08973144575896709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676268568312932,0.0,0.28523221255085524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310939630805148,0.0,0.2223131501068816,0.11233097533779593,0.0,0.1259120320782629,0.0,0.12636356944632246,0.0,0.1610381346376559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DrJustinHAvens,2020/01/06,"A self-help resource to help with PTSD nightmares Please take a look at this 5 minute YouTube animation which explains why we have nightmares after trauma, and how to stop them. Please share and comment on what you think - this is the culmination of 6 years PhD work with military veterans https://youtu.be/lv38dzpcxfA",15.103396226415093,12.14912811320755,10.997830188679247,63.412971698113225,50.88679245283019,14.373584905660374,47.25471698113208,12.161744961471696,5.543535849056604,262,11,41,5,2,73,45,53,0.08800000000000001,0.743,0.168,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,8,6,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,3,23,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368828733164334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23104056707458984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6040219663750298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32161316601430234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870214139576962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23002165692949203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686411088617807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629269859867794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482627408243608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20029848925446891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771752058920767
ptsd,KB369,2020/01/06,"Post-engagement anxiety Hi all, my partner has PTSD as a result of some traumatic experiences in their childhood. We have been together 7 years and have developed some strategies to help: going for long walks together, remembering to take time out during arguments etc. Recently I proposed and my partner accepted, and almost immediately afterwards started to get a nervous stomach. In the following days my partner became more and more agitated and anxious. We looked it up online and found an article describing ‘post engagement anxiety’, which apparently can effect up to 75% of people who are proposed too. 

We hoped following this that the effects would calm down eventually, however yesterday my partner was struggling to eat or drink, very upset, and confessed they were having suicidal impulses. At times they were so scared they could barely speak. I called a helpline who recommend we go to hospital. After a long wait my partner was given some diazepam to help calm their nerves. We were then told that there was no such thing as post-engagement anxiety, and that we shouldn’t believe everything we read on the internet, and that my partner always had a choice about if they wanted to get married. They also recommended we try beta blockers to try and manage the anxiety, which we have a proscription for. They said they weren’t concerned about the suicidal impulses as these were ‘common’ and my partner hadn’t acted on them.

I’m struggling to cope. I feel really low, and can’t help but wonder if my partner doesn’t really want to marry me, even though they seemed very keen to in the past. I’m also angry and feel let down by the staff who dealt with us at the hospital, who seemed pretty dismissive, and quite frankly a bit reckless in their approach. 

If I’m being honest I’m having doubts now about continuing our relationship. I love my partner a huge amount, but I just don’t know if I can cope with this - especially if we have children in the future. I’m not sure I want to be someone’s carer for the rest of my life even if I do love them. I feel so selfish but I just don’t know if I’m equipped to handle this. 

Does anyone have any advice?",7.659952173913044,7.957682230000002,7.801108695652179,70.10832608695655,62.95,11.356521739130436,36.39130434782609,11.030560184262038,4.23852608695652,1732,76,292,44,23,563,210,400,0.12,0.7659999999999999,0.113,0.289,3,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,12,0,13,3,16,18,0,6,19,0,33,6,1,3,2,72,67,34,2,14,14,0,3,0,9,2,1,2,0,10,16,27,2,2,14,2,0,7,9,8,0,0,15,6,46,10,44,46,10,42,1,1,1,2,51,16,0,17,18,207,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730457990449927,0.0,0.0,0.09971104704175328,0.0,0.0,0.1592618890879452,0.08285526434579588,0.0,0.0,0.06771513994766726,0.0,0.30470167381808044,0.11249261214197473,0.0,0.06962590107787091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218812821212208,0.0,0.0,0.10871127483369106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167829734662286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950338666151557,0.0,0.0,0.06421832528276522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713968697836423,0.0,0.0,0.09754663633676842,0.0,0.10189117540058877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105363608685494,0.13153810582887027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949254802544013,0.0974045003570654,0.0,0.0,0.15104595371040475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918001746100536,0.0,0.0,0.10404876997395698,0.0,0.1131827468452591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20023121555609452,0.0,0.0,0.09890150219236292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944880421067428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182327465987888,0.07033352070653685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624337106218538,0.0836188171335744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797425757663756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950566229078686,0.06903350683622808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860990395218094,0.10130465805040673,0.0,0.0,0.116399093272731,0.0,0.0,0.10591140396894066,0.09960301337258512,0.0,0.12758195620553894,0.0,0.09831935289514396,0.10690743030604588,0.11280027234841294,0.0,0.09471964209753317,0.0,0.09969301392672766,0.0,0.0,0.18130062257038929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437047815698374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048045250760561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20819705034093108,0.0,0.2178401101851793,0.0,0.09384926440662823,0.0,0.07486880974502771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661539140836535,0.0,0.09783297993265776,0.0,0.11612721049515047,0.0,0.0,0.09514919894633407,0.0,0.13521122585497294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977774773203713,0.0,0.0,0.16432136691203414,0.17619763215512055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079859966781694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073598078883328,0.0,0.0,0.0641237222089659
ptsd,feshuansauca,2020/01/06,"Groomer/abuser dad followed me when I moved out I had been excited to move out where my abuser family wouldnt know where I live, but he followed me even though I repeatedly said no. I didnt know what to do. He followed me to my apartment and later brought my abuser brothers with him. I told them to drop my stuff on the floor and leave or ill call the police, but dad kept insisting and talking in grooming voice. I let them in, and they went to get more stuff. I moved to a walking distance cause I was so poor.
Ive been crying about this for 3 hours now and Im so angry someone would do these kinds of things to someone. I was an easy target because I was a girl.
They stayed at my apartment, my dad ordered pizza, we ate it and I was silent and pale and scared the whole time, dad almost got mad at me for being silent but then just laughed at me to my brothers. They finally left.
I moved out after 3 months because I couldnt handle the stress of them knowing where I live.",2.7198762376237617,4.123401618811883,3.5287995049504954,92.24933787128711,74.89108910891089,6.040099009900991,24.506188118811878,6.322622252153567,0.5524346534653466,765,24,167,5,16,243,115,202,0.19,0.752,0.057999999999999996,-0.9839,3,0,0,0,3,0,18.0,1,0,6,0,11,6,1,2,7,0,16,3,0,1,0,27,30,17,0,3,5,6,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,7,13,2,1,3,0,1,10,4,3,0,0,15,2,36,3,24,10,2,39,0,0,0,0,21,16,0,2,10,115,43,0,0.0,0.42075443758383385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853247232280033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431696099902086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208710601646904,0.0,0.0,0.12160066453053328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002609807432938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818359826281486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159059911602093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967075437824813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061844491222697986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467291236926556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657258868218255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786208689284315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326623607272245,0.19516248812079298,0.0,0.0,0.12533887030878574,0.12861153859042884,0.12104340334912972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20904931249507308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448341152553943,0.5032428667372195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259889138111275,0.0,0.11851103528276227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005924451443461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616881607243816,0.0,0.0,0.13559474107450353,0.0,0.2710152694984512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095142940281643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864110570298237,0.0,0.11629990186813435,0.0,0.0690236727640444,0.0,0.0,0.11310953124301534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973204206679577,0.0,0.13215812532344925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408808185082603,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,depressionmeal666,2020/01/06,"Reacted terribly to episode at work, paranoid about going back, advice? Tl;dr hit someone at work when they intentionally surprised me, super scared to go back, looking for advice.

At work I disclosed my PTSD to 2 people when it came up in conversation. A few days ago, person A, not even an hour after I disclosed it (I was taking my meds, so curious A asked about them), intentionally scared me. Just a yell very close to my face when I turned around, and I flat out smacked him.

We got into some heated banter and I took more meds (accidentally 1 over the daily max..I'm okay I think?) And a manager came out of course. I explained all of this, and manager did not previously know of my condition or any others. He seemed understanding, but I've seen fake understanding too much so I don't know. I was already waiting to go home so I clocked out.

I smacked my head against my car window a bit, it's been quite some time since I've self harmed like that. I screamed for unknown minutes in my car before peeling out in a panic. I'm pretty sure people saw me speed off, but I don't think anyone saw me hit my head. I've no idea how loud I screamed, or if anyone was out to hear at the time.

The only good thing about that night was person B, a good friend and confidant, messaged me to let me know people said A deserved it and I won't get in trouble.

I'm afraid to go back. I'm afraid to be near *anyone* there, for anyone to mention it, for anyone to hate me, let alone A. I'm afraid to lose another job to panic despite B saying it'll be fine. I'm afraid of more head bruises every time I have a severe panic attack, or something worse of it over time.

The good news is I'm already socially awkward and do not smile much, so if everything else remains the same, nobody will have to know how the aftermath feels.",2.9255525114155247,4.577964810958907,4.252534246575344,86.24418949771692,74.86301369863014,6.8392694063926935,25.043378995433788,7.554174236665415,1.1765817351598171,1416,47,291,18,30,467,191,365,0.16699999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.099,-0.9817,1,1,1,0,0,0,51.0,1,0,2,6,20,29,2,10,18,1,19,4,4,5,2,53,58,23,0,2,11,0,1,1,1,3,0,7,2,3,12,18,0,1,12,0,0,9,7,19,0,0,14,12,36,10,48,35,10,48,0,1,4,0,18,21,0,8,19,175,48,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004784875499356,0.07259232577297572,0.0,0.0,0.0848154250092829,0.180739738790564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556893749883316,0.08587091276801502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286303987337444,0.0,0.0,0.07290125100342296,0.07655797472976783,0.0931639836754487,0.0,0.18890970236536608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968406886801436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940486506196102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187325286291136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281357168512756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684102661915367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540889002549507,0.0,0.06899755038808605,0.0,0.0735992581496791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041407060829378985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326956377460104,0.0,0.04278519525051918,0.0,0.1861644659125356,0.20606139791281428,0.0654965213646657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085140570768247,0.25213448427857266,0.0,0.09229824698616204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214436308405003,0.0,0.08064713394869219,0.0,0.0,0.09244611134642478,0.0,0.0,0.08126518376838039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002282811268708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748025713175016,0.0,0.040008299554799655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876866335993996,0.09161621201135932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192712372843686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040009991282445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685010385658267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062282563790963925,0.0,0.28824788730404743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703208256794586,0.14300988879840928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331361486653997,0.0,0.0,0.09572737734244632,0.0,0.0,0.08710223290870117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789805457991676,0.0651238132468411,0.1639763763487211,0.0,0.0,0.07455141024402626,0.08543122640093971,0.09251466165222316,0.0,0.06774191691052578,0.0,0.0,0.08347859127848793,0.06938683431298101,0.06304447017016981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718225026129992,0.0,0.06157259992437684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054405412603409455,0.10494618669139504,0.0,0.0,0.19100755832776325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098503629417977,0.0,0.08907499098399972,0.0,0.1705049409481368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756948466496332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885507580058269,0.0,0.08345495440763216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lilblkbrat,2020/01/06,"Why am I not better I told my sister about my cousin sexually abusing me. She was so understanding and compassionate. I felt a little better then but now I can’t sleep...I’m afraid to close my eyes for too long. 

Shouldn’t I be better?",0.9258156028368808,3.4410875744680887,3.030957446808511,87.28416666666668,88.14893617021278,5.686524822695036,16.343971631205672,7.1686216300943375,0.12983971631205635,184,4,38,3,6,62,38,47,0.195,0.754,0.051,-0.6466,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,7,8,4,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,10,4,3,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,26,10,0,0.0,0.3062738988495172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6858525525598035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481954078228541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25907955501248003,0.0,0.2287596368412888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25868133846574204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24700272203739165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26910205394516684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332512214144349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PanicAtTheCafe,2020/01/06,"[NSFW] I feel like an idiot. Tldr of my situation: about two years ago i was a high school drug addict. I ended up having a really really bad experience tripping on acid and have been haunted by the experience ever since. I do pretty well on the day to day now but occasionally i do have episodes. 

FF to this morning. I was eating rye toast for breakfast when i noticed it looked kinda funny. My idiotic brain jumped to ergot fungus (which is what LSD is synthesized from and moldy bread has been theorized to have caused mass hysteria in ye olden days). Now it turns out it was just a bit of flour on the bread. But that didn’t stop me from experiencing a full episode. I got that stomach pitfall feeling from fear and began to feel like i was seeing patterns on the walls and having auditory hallucinations. In the moment i thought i was being hurled into another bad trip. 

To make a long story short i ended up calling poison control. The lady ok the phone was super nice and helpful. Especially once i managed to convey that i had only eaten bread and i was scared because of past experiences. She ended staying on the line and keeping me calm for about an hour. I just feel kinda stupid that i was panicking over a slice of toast. And i felt like i had made so much progress in healing but now it feels like im back where i started.",3.6451678321678362,5.622127530769234,5.130629370629372,79.32800699300701,73.69230769230771,7.342657342657343,26.04895104895105,8.150884317080207,1.7594230769230772,1058,37,195,17,22,355,158,260,0.149,0.69,0.161,0.0823,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,13,17,4,2,16,1,24,12,2,4,1,31,41,13,0,0,5,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,11,10,6,3,7,0,0,3,1,8,1,1,19,10,26,9,32,21,3,45,0,0,2,0,5,19,0,2,26,134,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322117009745975,0.0,0.0,0.10019572762070136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852352841198062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691435300522439,0.1887533936807396,0.0689030377279857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340127434033304,0.0,0.0,0.12618069041008548,0.11541794063700934,0.0,0.0,0.11611462877121305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677459389008128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186881679389334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108081552808382,0.11565958459876652,0.0,0.0,0.3003374465174657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224358823654096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33169989466870425,0.0,0.12719201801570698,0.2857609633151309,0.24224947545832026,0.10852809871964476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090401726971538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576272470399549,0.11942413197771455,0.0,0.0,0.11131339546530336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209356594220873,0.0,0.0,0.10046771381821967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088619655453748,0.0,0.0,0.10002944320348296,0.09491810862212853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695326937062072,0.0754494964258434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309125990878191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286872696384907,0.0,0.12037500608404594,0.0,0.08596565450505979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790148877625123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499381199564045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448219239695354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316438870031666,0.1143940526665876,0.09007158165523703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350093943123143,0.1270522975511128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000437552431702,0.12047668733813592,0.0,0.09449951103533603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897344952386684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229459648718376,0.11041548670730593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101629017595254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278866932742085
ptsd,nightvale1229,2020/01/06,"I Did It Yesterday I told my mom about the years of abuse I suffered under the hand of my half brother. She was caring, listened, and was willing to tell my dad I don’t want to see him again. 

This is the biggest step I could ever take towards recovery, and for once I’m proud of myself",2.075499999999998,3.587035550000003,3.6433333333333344,90.315,76.83333333333334,6.133333333333334,25.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.8897333333333335,223,8,48,2,5,74,46,60,0.113,0.721,0.166,0.34,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,7,1,1,0,1,5,14,2,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,3,11,2,9,8,0,8,0,1,1,0,8,3,0,0,4,37,13,0,0.0,0.37384154778881656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32169533942191425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519183545484807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854073864714942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695351302430789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360202480712553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514298955950324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372330054098239,0.0,0.2757798197050507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014944474908685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861028375928822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031855907620856
ptsd,jax9999,2020/01/06,"Sleep problem question... Ok, so I had a trick.   When i sleep, if i hear things while i'm asleep It sort of invades my dreams. I'm a super light sleeper, and the nightmares I usually have because of, well, years of abuse, are horrific.

But the trick I found, is old episodes of are you being served.  It's an old british sitcom, very repetative, no harsh language, or loud bangs, or anything that could trigger me while i was asleep.

I got the idea from my grandfather.  he had a rip roaring case of PTSD when he came back from Korea, and he would listen to Oprah all night long while he slept on headphones.  On full blast.

the sounds drown out the nightmares, sort of like recording over my inner mind.


The problem is with this.  I'm going through hell since nov 12th.   everyday someone is screaming at me, my boyfriend of 7 years has travelled 4000 miles across the country probably to never return, and my abusers are ramped up to 11.

I had him to calm me down when things got bad, and I had the sitcom to help me sleep.

Since he's been gone and the abuse has started up wholeheartedly agian, I have nothing to calm me down, and the sticom isn't working.  I've been waking up in near panic attack mode every morning.  

Just profound feelings of loss, and fear and heart pounding.


I'm geting maybe 3 hours of fitful sleep a night.

does anyone have any ideas?",4.1577480916030565,5.7068929809160345,3.8861755725190825,90.53315648854964,71.48091603053436,6.156030534351145,27.22213740458016,6.2581,0.9441367938931292,1059,37,212,6,20,319,160,262,0.196,0.733,0.071,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,3,0,40.0,0,1,0,3,7,17,4,2,15,1,22,9,9,1,2,31,37,19,1,5,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,6,11,0,0,5,2,0,4,3,11,1,0,13,7,22,6,32,21,2,41,1,1,0,0,11,17,1,6,21,123,28,1,0.0,0.3880790959574703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424571457035152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634075307422028,0.0,0.0898453176754566,0.0,0.0,0.12420729343171034,0.0,0.08395219521574085,0.09116021235851876,0.06655472973433632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248721119665572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717084182369067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554360121156756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198832691587296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285714335003806,0.055204369238825234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197095423484398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204915121681701,0.0,0.17464142959445295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305308333078308,0.1293780774731265,0.0731806293725035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075196855652643,0.0,0.0,0.24650043558950785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053339524636668384,0.0,0.0,0.09662030553959117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968535046660433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024003874996148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420585976147438,0.0,0.0,0.20491488284195053,0.0,0.10476054875876284,0.0,0.2291307628051681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809846504692188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771382533882298,0.2089398215151925,0.12762483932033325,0.0,0.12230587970806515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062860387430066,0.0,0.4370328665505076,0.0,0.09250732471717044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727771904057289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506784233370545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024564977156985,0.09008441328622836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816536428946174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948388066323843,0.0,0.0,0.07755789094669821,0.0,0.0,0.14061586758868996
ptsd,LaceyTheSnarkyShark,2020/01/06,"Needing advice Hello, I'm a 20 year old female, I won't go into detail specifically but I've been raped 3 times, by 3 different men. My ages at those times were 10, 15, and 17.  I am sharing this as I don't know what to do anymore, I am engaged to a wonderful woman that I love with all my heart and she is a very understanding person, who cares so much and truly does try to help me as much as possible. 

I suffer from PTSD, I have flashbacks very often, sometimes they are triggered by something and other times they are random. When I have these flashbacks, I'm out back into a situation where I am being abused and hurt very badly. It feels as though it is actually happening again and I can't see anything in reality. 

I am explaining this as whenever my fiance and I make love it's hard for me to get out of my head. Then sometimes when I orgasim I end up having flashbacks almost every single time and I don't know what to do. My fiance said it's like my mind is punishing me for feeling good. 


I was wondering if anyone else has struggled with this?",3.0325061559507525,4.5040000372093045,4.8744459644322875,82.64102599179208,74.2093023255814,7.477428180574554,25.6703146374829,8.124751697461798,1.5891696306429552,828,28,165,13,17,283,132,215,0.141,0.6759999999999999,0.183,0.8795,1,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,8,13,2,1,4,0,23,5,2,2,1,32,43,20,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,14,14,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,5,28,7,25,37,4,22,0,2,1,3,14,8,0,6,14,117,42,0,0.0,0.14947670206306288,0.12311209314641408,0.0,0.0,0.12328022127312338,0.0,0.0,0.12632909935736508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511492135180294,0.08821266686156909,0.1292638674996237,0.10381735518736036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700778064978764,0.10533673195486802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862657639382866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180834820440498,0.0,0.0,0.11040179098359912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538889237251034,0.0,0.11173861824997744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629362837819883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757863753932533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591239280913137,0.0,0.0716985474325976,0.10581541677755404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156117856446944,0.0,0.11301286483754301,0.0,0.1294745925640044,0.0,0.0,0.14949793901340488,0.08456110556415995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505484003381185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866636919262607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163446819491495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277251958173793,0.0,0.0842115018560306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738370295617027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854814178887369,0.09354462202290148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238168889569826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015637431217014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222428605592996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747205104566394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000522943684183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053166058160096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418069741731731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971226579186728,0.24954714527481944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188782305844368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394967868670075,0.0,0.2942551772942963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565305897405437,0.0,0.0,0.13133501644514484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31228089920381497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27362612485351123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124167095255178
ptsd,Orgaami,2020/01/06,"Went hunting today...HUGE mistake I was diagnosed with PTSD (childhood and military service trauma related) many years ago and have done EMDR with some success, but am currently looking for a new therapist. 

Today I went deer hunting for the first time in 30 years and shot and killed a ""button buck"" (a male with new antlers barely showing). As soon as I pulled the trigger I felt like I fucked up. The adrenaline and physical reactions from shooting, are the same as what happens to me when I have a PTSD-related reaction (hypervigilance, fight or flight, shaking, nausea, intrusive thoughts, emotional flashbacks, etc.). What the fucking fuck was I thinking?

I've been fucked up about it since and regret / guilt have consumed me all day. I'm not anti-hunting and every part of the animal is being processed for food, but I cannot shake the intrusive thoughts, sadness, nausea, etc., and don't know what to do. Meditation isn't working, binaural audio and physical inputs aren't helping.

Goddamnit...this is hell. I'm sorry.",6.083846153846152,8.156432769230776,6.207472527472527,73.7125274725275,67.46153846153847,9.156043956043957,36.07692307692308,9.606745405546679,3.9236,812,42,127,18,14,258,118,182,0.26,0.695,0.045,-0.9935,1,0,0,1,1,0,43.0,0,0,0,3,3,16,7,3,11,0,17,6,0,1,1,27,32,16,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,12,1,0,5,1,1,5,5,14,0,1,9,3,10,2,17,22,6,21,1,2,1,4,3,3,5,2,14,81,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650810409997416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476390640831309,0.0,0.0,0.13340250674768034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450237637115506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784529726470402,0.0,0.0,0.29316678608856106,0.0,0.0,0.11073861730782256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619702779410918,0.0,0.0,0.11179749498488327,0.15893023265107026,0.0,0.0,0.4860335984259838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622644600581075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809728345030808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541198954572712,0.0,0.07223256100003904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421189953289562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037126175861783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325321029439566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538791021814861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232996142907184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072780800414367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872337018139054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712934140713613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260473363130372,0.0,0.08421745076866105,0.0,0.20868745925380866,0.07664008644360551,0.0,0.2491676857544827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436808373956429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568534767413177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927807332067524
ptsd,ReginaPhalange94,2020/01/06,"Looking for someone to chat with Hi there,

I wrote out my story only to delete it. Not ready for it to be out in the world. For some, maybe it’s not a big deal. But my story has ruined my mental health...I’m looking for someone to chat with. I am resuming counselling again, but I just need to vent. I am honestly too humiliated to even tell my boyfriend. I have had several panic attacks lately and I can’t tell him why. This happened 6 years ago. If someone is willing to DM me or if there is a support group or something, please let me know. 

I would also like to acknowledge that I realize this is a psychological issue I am struggling with and am not in harms way. I am also looking to switch medication. I’m just looking for someone to talk to, not to talk me down. 

Thanks!",1.9533333333333367,4.030410363057328,3.74932484076433,86.82407218683649,79.12738853503187,6.224883227176223,25.753290870488318,7.3011,1.2610139278131638,605,24,124,8,15,203,92,157,0.11199999999999999,0.76,0.128,0.5616,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,1,2,4,0,16,1,0,0,0,26,27,10,0,4,12,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,4,18,4,25,21,1,12,0,1,4,0,11,7,0,5,5,91,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199459305619478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164179273330675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393694302834754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950073840286978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937230492438167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965596152961555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438303367046781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123058086995033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436394071426884,0.0,0.1526378384557743,0.0,0.0,0.13836569553679,0.0,0.06610661208609588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545120290541807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359390988992545,0.0,0.0,0.13631261220716162,0.13636267803235064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033213917336277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029108792443751,0.0,0.15875948642893833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853195101543526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286405366324127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585977000624776,0.10416979426992118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414574898291003,0.0,0.0,0.15355046281205692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21751733251441926,0.23653731768657746,0.12457711694366623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074043734524898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209804050797204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612176797512133,0.0,0.0,0.0871364965769215
ptsd,ti83wiz,2020/01/06,"Has anyone found that, after eliminating caffeine consumption, your sleep became more stable? I stopped drinking energy drinks to drinking black coffee in the morning.  I’m curious what eliminating caffeine all together would do to my sleep and maybe even my mood.",7.714069767441861,11.119627325581398,6.988546511627908,64.10514534883723,66.44186046511628,9.881395348837213,36.33139534883721,10.125756701596842,4.887051162790699,217,11,27,6,4,67,36,43,0.047,0.8029999999999999,0.15,0.574,0,0,3,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,1,5,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967183555674153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7131362000386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602730558321976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26606153287707424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24378217397540825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856656875925538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287261856976235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237699641293824,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WellThatsFantasmic,2020/01/07,"I think my abuser did more to me than I realize TW: Childhood sexual assault/rape When I was young, before preschool/kindergarten, I was babysat by a mormon woman. She had two children, a daughter my age and a son who was in middle/high school. The daughter was my best friend at the time and the son was mentally challenged. He would lure me into his room by playing the ""Barbie Girl"" song by Aqua, I loved Barbies. The mother would always make him take me to the bathroom, even though I knew where it was. He would touch me and force me to touch him. I still remember how cramped the space was and how he would stand in the stall with me while I went to the bathroom. I still remember how hot his penis always was. The babysitting stopped when I came home one day and told my mom that he had shoved his tongue in my mouth/down my throat. But neither of my parents knew the extent of the abuse until I was in middle school, half a state away.

Recently, I've come to the age where I should be getting a regular physical. The thought of opening my legs to anyone, let alone my female doctor, horrifies me to an extent I've never been frightened before. Even before she could explain anything, I was in tears and shaking uncontrollably. The speculum looks like a weapon to me. Even the thought of being in a hospital gown scares me. She says that I don't need to have one, but I want to have children and getting a physical is the first step to understanding my full health spectrum. I'm in therapy because I couldn't go through with the physical, and I still haven't been able to do it one year later. She won't put me out for it and only offers me ibuprofen and xanax.

Last night, even just thinking about the physical had me shaking and in tears. I curled up in a ball and closed my legs as tight as I could. Even now, typing this, I have my legs crossed tight. I think the son of my babysitter must have done more to me than just touching. I don't know how to cope with this. I'm still a virgin and have never had a real boyfriend. The last guy that tried to have sex with me was very insistent and I wasn't ready. He was disappointed and stopped talking to me when I pushed him away and accused him of only wanting me for sex. I want to have kids and I want to have sex, but I want to have them with someone I trust and love and who loves and trusts me back. I also have a horrible gag reflex and fear of blowjobs. I know that talking to my therapist is the best way to work through all of this but I have other issues that have taken precedence at the moment. I guess I just wanted to have the idea somewhere and vent a little. Thanks for allowing me to let this go into the void.

Please feel free to delete if not allowed.",4.359876208325112,5.1522469653284695,4.6347563622016175,88.21334089564016,70.22262773722629,7.530163740382719,27.58453343854804,7.534196372845213,1.3497252318011443,2139,70,450,22,37,671,246,548,0.08900000000000001,0.813,0.098,0.8909,3,1,0,0,2,0,55.0,0,0,1,5,27,20,1,5,39,0,54,16,4,7,4,91,92,40,0,17,9,8,7,1,1,7,5,2,2,6,15,34,0,4,16,3,1,11,10,7,0,6,29,10,77,14,68,49,9,70,1,1,1,7,43,26,0,2,31,322,92,6,0.07887220019034226,0.18690131989587416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168781278617998,0.0,0.06307406999647562,0.13125597775717426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514927624308488,0.0,0.06490510040966191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820605678578064,0.06064785345600378,0.0,0.048079761170737687,0.0,0.2013432994498328,0.0,0.16554301614341438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902087852238734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794141664209559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594606792529536,0.0,0.0,0.050866044188448166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072903899609872,0.0,0.08071364463773087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604717218214251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875315299104061,0.03988015426069106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708865319002298,0.0,0.0,0.06093646621610652,0.0,0.08241493853888117,0.0,0.08964977795747632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688662064013697,0.07809587845808824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838374605719771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333280988537675,0.07911524763703599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903711365769343,0.0,0.08232208535778789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669219707676007,0.12858274017491642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130433689935902,0.0,0.03853297302428401,0.07905066506117744,0.0,0.0,0.06623278368867193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135557201442236,0.0,0.05264780607972516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948462685240007,0.0,0.0,0.09237416761036547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848273705511901,0.12166220620740052,0.0,0.0,0.07401621692926645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033753223268202,0.11997172472442907,0.0,0.0,0.0875782444157799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657799093180017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928834583916262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897738311387254,0.0,0.0,0.0778767824748337,0.0,0.17869365519823768,0.0,0.0,0.06272233928967352,0.07896483175710357,0.1596457547568595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682815927131322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251949763821527,0.13188138204493274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593020787767126,0.12678897377430756,0.0,0.0726149251209776,0.09019723469806187,0.09157670349528596,0.0,0.15161436348633325,0.07749153623097799,0.12523143368175568,0.04599101420442082,0.0,0.0,0.07536576727575588,0.0,0.053549046622048166,0.0,0.07704667900703929,0.08210874197568223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507782532205754,0.2791252030830404,0.06260508131236367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311531976320756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741990110193972,0.0,0.0,0.22411419224497606,0.0,0.0,0.05079111099592015
ptsd,Merry-goes-forever,2020/01/07,"How can I grow out from bullying ptsd? So far everyone in my life has been a bully to me. first it was just the regular thing like girls hating me, boys picking on me and all then but then it got worse and even the teachers bullied me and made me feel stupid and clumsy. when i told my mom about it she got pissed at me for complaining and said i should suck it up or that maybe SHE should also start bullying me because i'm just being a little brat. well she had been bullying me already about my weight and how my room is always messy. then i went to a therapist and she was very low-key about it but you could tell that she didn't really take me serious when i told her about my social anxiety, her advice was that i just talk to people and trust me i took that advice but he anxiety remained just as strong. i just feel so betrayed, like everyone is out to get me with a goal of making me feel inadequate. i tried so hard to be positive and i managed to be so for a whole two months but that short happiness was taken from me as well with some unpleasant news. i don't know what to do it's like no matter how hard i try i will always fall into the same hole and every time i climb out of it i'm a little weaker from it as opposite of stronger like lots of people love to tell you aka 'what doesn't kill you make you stronger.' it's not true for everyone.",2.9185098235098224,3.9219527657342677,4.203246753246757,89.18439393939396,73.7902097902098,7.965101565101566,23.059607059607053,8.418075326091056,1.1003215451215445,1065,27,240,18,21,351,149,286,0.23,0.628,0.142,-0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,0,4,22,18,5,0,9,0,22,4,1,7,2,48,45,31,1,3,11,1,6,4,0,3,1,1,1,2,17,16,1,0,4,0,0,5,5,7,2,2,17,7,43,11,35,21,5,27,0,0,0,1,24,13,2,3,13,171,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101179206975216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479272254846575,0.090434477879374,0.18819248254758314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302028086263074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893590501268775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028961421405568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469194287471327,0.0,0.09527945785162037,0.32417428337550896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715383641098161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619051574139956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908253531634214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808896985963135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038167665071725,0.20260489092849635,0.11164857388472688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251124121455296,0.0,0.06214886386189016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987567218923868,0.2209915609876351,0.2266828705115846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614129531124707,0.10206412899667383,0.1070042869116484,0.15097097284448316,0.0,0.1136096402349037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244443584902585,0.090263811503673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679857077342746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219096277250866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244550257661356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075702596153615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527648263589273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004253823345835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502626406751893,0.09089388590891496,0.19768351991517108,0.0,0.0,0.13130104600786316,0.0751290181736894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594109682397332,0.0,0.0,0.216116188917006,0.12564221312147258,0.1535553381119618,0.0,0.11046815575292117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330742656775164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770774117709828,0.20335499085357991,0.10483144290734077,0.0,0.12625598420152426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524384222724375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,KingCorvux,2020/01/07,"PTSD TREATMENT I'm new here and I would like to know how to properly get treated for PTSD. I'm aware of having it but I don't know which type it is. So far I've dealt with it since 2011. It peaks throughout the whole month of December, which is a bad time for me.

I really want to know what to do 😣",-1.0035447761194014,0.9387085522388076,1.237444029850746,101.10750932835823,90.34328358208955,5.141044776119403,15.83768656716418,6.6274283507984215,-0.5687298507462688,231,5,60,3,8,77,47,67,0.075,0.868,0.057,-0.4785,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,13,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,9,12,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,34,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219297827986023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722131218763406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330289113917049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831521116498645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964094704590794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536644363721529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6140365261533719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825728402528206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726287969797745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315056784258613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491498390438369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932340619933125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657566264651604,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,words-for-blood,2020/01/07,"Help me help him, please My boyfriend definitely has PTSD. He refuses treatment, saying “I know I should ‘talk about it’ but that doesn’t help me get over it. It just reinforces what I should have done better.’

He drinks heavily to cope with the burdens of his memories. I want him to take a path of healing so that our relationship can survive (I can’t even live in the same house as alcohol) but I can’t force a horse to drink the water I know is good for it. We’ve talked about therapy and AA and other things, but I don’t think I’ve brought it to him in a way that has clicked yet, in a way he believes will work. 

He’s too special for me to walk away, and i refuse lose him to experiences and memories that threaten to drown him. It’s not his fault he’s suffering, but I don’t know how to help or what resources to give him so he can help himself. 

Thanks in advance.",3.2005439864003407,4.131705331491717,4.1825414364640885,89.87434764130897,73.03314917127072,8.000169995750106,27.182745431364218,8.384062270229773,1.5303417764555889,679,24,156,11,13,220,103,181,0.113,0.716,0.171,0.804,0,0,3,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,4,9,7,0,0,7,0,15,5,0,1,0,23,25,13,1,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,14,5,4,2,4,2,0,3,6,4,1,0,2,2,24,3,23,20,1,12,0,2,1,0,28,6,0,1,1,101,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207951220352154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249052496001074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087003973469667,0.0,0.13413185163053493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520188371909324,0.0,0.2971401322488353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017067637989722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835358349932504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923662576035083,0.1454870742707138,0.0,0.12720607190150485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082759394634365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749964599558933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250046798477188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391946325488832,0.0,0.0,0.16966989310717115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647826202793714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728362180166193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282718283514927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060693396658766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403021602993504,0.24379877346518075,0.0,0.13962909512363048,0.17343759898618696,0.0,0.1007568457395673,0.09717826074126742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894536016935757,0.24076292412952816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104110321617069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RadicalDreamerX,2020/01/07,"How to cope with loneliness? I have PTSD and I am abroad. I feel culture shock affects me a lot. (Long story and trigger alert) I am diagnosed with PTSD after I studied abroad and got harassed by a graduated student from my own country. After I reported it to the university, students assosiation from my home country blamed me because most of them religious but hypocrite students. I was bullied by words because I haven't married at 29. And the boy was engaged. They said I seduced him.

It was started because I moved to the Netherlands and got a partial scholarship. I thought I could work alongside study so I could fund myself. 
Because of the Dutch law, I need to have permit work even part time job. Since I live in village, it is hard to find a job that willing to issue me a working permit. I was stucked in debt and asked the university if they could have a student loan or any kind of information about job. But the uni reffered me to student association from my home country.

It went all bad. In short, one of them gave me help but afterward he asked repay in sex. After I reported him, students from my country made a distance with me. The boy was very popular because he was an alumni coordinator of the biggest scholarship from my country. So I assumed those students don't want to involve so much because it would ruin their relation with him.

In the beginning, I didn't expect cultural difference of Dutch directness and individualism also frugal and care about money would affects behaviour of the students from my country. They changed become very individualistic and only help students based on the same scholarships as they have.
I was expecting they gave me free furniture, helped me to carry heavy stuff, gave me information about part time job or any possibility to get money. But they closed it for their own circle. And, it got worse because of the harrassment.

The boy took this opportunity to gain advantage from me. And at that time, I was still sad because my parent apparently foster parent that adopted me when I was toddler or baby. They never told me and my dad abandoned me when I was 18 when my foster mother died. I had through difficulties since I lived in developing country so no support from the government for neglected teenager like me. Before I knew I was adopted, I put high hope on my dad to accept me as his family.

Then I enrolled in a vocational school for tourism because it was partially funded by the government and it has no age limit. Mostly the university in my country has age limit for enrollment subsidy only 2 years after graduation. And it was impossible for me to make living after being kicked out from home with very low salary. And it turned out, tourism was really a bad sector for women in my country. The sector full of harassment and only see appearance.

I wanted to make money by working abroad and the only way to work abroad by studying abroad first. Some people said I ran from my problems in my country. Probably it was true, since I am tired of my life. I was very poor and not able to eat. I ate like once a week and only drank water to make me full when I was young. No one wants to marry me because of my financial and family status. And because I haven't married until now people judge and label me with expired woman or they assumed I have dark past for being naughty and promiscuous.

I thought living on other countries would make my life happier. But since I have partial scholarships and I live in the Netherlands where people are so individualistic then I am doomed.

The boy and other students said bad things about me and it hurted me a lot. They said all things that my dad used to tell me when I was young such as I didn't deserve to have a good education and scholarships because I am destinied to be a mistress. Well, I know many poor girls in my country become mistresses of rich men. Because it is hard to make money and start from 0 without any family backup. 
But I insisted that I am not one of them. But it turned out I could not do anything now in the Netherlands.

My psychologist told me I should find friend through student association or sports. I did find one but he only looking for FWB and he hurted me when he blamed me for being always depressed and sad. He also upset when I didn't want to have sex with him and never see me anymore. 
Many foreigners told me to go for a female friends. I did but female students somehow lost contact or overwhelmed with their relationship. I could not maintain a long term friendship with a Dutch girl because mostly they have boyfriend and rarely spent time after class. I tried to greet a student but she just smiled and walked away. Most of them prefers party but I am not. I made friends with international students but since I am a master student that have very short period of study they are now graduated or moved back to their country or internship or thesis. Female students from my country most of them looking for partner. A female students that I thought she was my friend always told me to go for a dating app and have a boyfriend. She told me many female students from my country got a boyfriend from tinder and they happily together. I was like shocked and could not believe it because most of them wear veils. And those people were blamed me for being promiscuous, yet they dated Dutch boy and even living together. And she insisted none of them ever having sex together. And she said I was very negative to them. I thought she was naive.

But then because I really need a friend to talk and share my life I tried it. But none of my match wants to have a friendship with me. They only wanted to have sex with me. One of them very nice but he said he would break me up if I go back to my country. That is not even a relationship only dating. I wonder how those muslim girls could get a boyfriend while I could not.

Prior from this, I had severe depression because the boy contacted me again and asked me to send nude video. I didnt send it and he was upset to me and blocked me. I also have problem with double insurance and mistaken hospital bills. Most of the people in the government don't speak good English. And, everytime I asked Dutch person from tinder or online to help me they said, someone should speak English and put them on the phone. 
Well I did that and they were missunderstood and now I need to bear like a bill that uncovered. My room mate, I asked him help but he never made it anymore since he has girlfriend. My female room mate she rarely stays on her room after she has a new boyfriend. Then I was black out and suicidal. I was sent to the hospital and they gave me quetiapine. But after that, I also got molested by a random person because my impair judgement and unable to think. He was my instagram followers. I thought he wanted to be a friend with me but he locked me on his room.

I tried to call police afterwards, but I was overwhelmed with my fieldtrip so I need to go abroad. The police told me to focus on my mental health and this case would be a very lenghty process. And I decided to drop on it because my scholarships board was very strict on my schedule for graduate and I could not waste time for other things.

I could survive in the past because the help and support of my friends around me. But now making friends is difficult. I mean a close friend not a friend for party or fun stuff. And I found without friend I always sad and depressed. I don't know if dating app is a good choice for me. 

I also recently annoyed with a nurse since I asked help for a social worker. My embassy told me to find her/him because they could help with insurance problem etc. But the nurse was very harsh and told me the social worker were being paid not to help people like me. And she said the embassy only want to send me away. 
And after that, a student from my country dropped my laptop and he didnt want to fix it. It seemed like I had really really bad experience in the Netherlands.

Everyone in my perspective is very individualistic. And no one would help me except myself.",4.724295920057415,6.455395846254077,5.342197592889086,79.93120286534537,70.34201954397395,7.939546182300006,29.751145586043172,8.517980854538052,2.3197563628333246,6404,257,1162,105,118,2063,467,1535,0.126,0.7440000000000001,0.129,0.8823,10,0,0,0,0,0,126.0,0,0,32,16,45,70,4,4,71,0,112,17,2,17,7,245,211,127,2,42,50,6,3,6,15,9,6,10,7,15,48,87,4,5,25,2,22,18,33,32,2,7,88,18,229,39,185,95,25,140,2,16,5,6,157,50,0,32,73,838,277,50,0.029251257327003694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696109958108332,0.07301816809630546,0.0,0.0,0.05967557415215101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058018774442145926,0.0,0.0,0.02407129241147387,0.026039820647720015,0.16407586182757536,0.0,0.0549650383024592,0.04498482262421286,0.09769431216885316,0.3744571942899231,0.06461143112620846,0.024890665528377067,0.032956150176989336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029868804217501925,0.0,0.02982360633898707,0.0,0.0309439516736619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569022365705497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558219522038315,0.029689410452779237,0.03035818692748392,0.030561338093959507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02993133882992208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03262288414028158,0.05796053876792327,0.02645943691836136,0.0,0.027950829911045787,0.0,0.028613342542024918,0.08272644633799246,0.0,0.014790314606475482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694047706269462,0.024881104539337614,0.0,0.0320724938468349,0.2485939373495815,0.0,0.03056514930447188,0.0,0.06649665453770333,0.07360370048816048,0.11697451318807806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240676206504002,0.0,0.0,0.03109271868814576,0.0,0.0,0.1960650119624916,0.030905559371448982,0.08802418830217694,0.029053098673850312,0.0,0.0,0.0626281519149028,0.0,0.0,0.030530712934150838,0.11610943741600672,0.0,0.0,0.030460683201321632,0.0321514520809087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061983084337543036,0.08574412075137007,0.0,0.154976376765729,0.05177288450202205,0.04912737807454611,0.0,0.031931202779535366,0.0497367458891153,0.0,0.08303474084587321,0.11715264843306365,0.08896855128960185,0.0,0.031863194529036354,0.0,0.0,0.029478387416471713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621789146216964,0.021503039828152683,0.0867577466665499,0.06768111880019717,0.02825104660254176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03115163439549424,0.11892845395960495,0.200222093783913,0.0,0.0,0.06496011921743973,0.06335252234185514,0.05584726993476427,0.12167483252259813,0.05108213924869561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032976397554020966,0.0,0.0,0.03153780279167531,0.08396850838005228,0.06838630895255493,0.05881118573024924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495641785971978,0.0,0.028882087712438238,0.06280980678348418,0.0,0.0,0.22259715350806206,0.0,0.0,0.02960383406502481,0.046618929833137986,0.02662924607011051,0.0,0.03304559474014072,0.0,0.16937859634535116,0.0,0.0,0.05963594629436701,0.024784495409252358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140838098289686,0.031177948306955843,0.023360091886734626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669713826748373,0.03199612784456348,0.0663879603432033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023511052621511132,0.025566888205157453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829970680714941,0.018743024581140282,0.0,0.11611115460245465,0.0852832168987803,0.0336200172636071,0.0,0.2236066392883663,0.03249922318363911,0.05957905086622835,0.06363393652357824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025263694542177285,0.0,0.2654888580769469,0.15527834500870066,0.023218286532219454,0.02346359421907979,0.0,0.05260078654351488,0.02711620859793924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056394336459359276,0.031721740796038074,0.10647631857426022,0.0,0.0298095302210432,0.12467552367318313,0.0,0.0,0.01883685067844714
ptsd,myakka1640,2020/01/07,"Does anyone have strange scenarios or harm or death on repeat? I'll be crossing the street and think I'm going to get hit by that truck and my mind plays out the entire scenario in my head. Or walking down some stairs and think I'm going to fall and crush all my teeth on the pavement. Sitting in a restaurant and think I'm going to miss my mouth with the fork and stab my eyeball. Some of the things I come up with are laughable but still really invasive and negative. The worst part is that I make a wincing face or a small noise almost like an involuntary movement when I'm visualizing these scenarios. What is this?? It seems PTSD related but I'm not sure? I feel crazy sometimes, but I guess maybe I am a little bit.",5.205693486590036,5.557742565517246,5.5857471264367815,83.7111877394636,68.17241379310343,8.651340996168582,29.214559386973185,8.515128840125781,1.9247777777777784,572,19,118,8,9,183,95,145,0.17,0.777,0.053,-0.9561,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,11,0,6,4,4,1,2,32,25,15,1,0,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,11,0,0,5,1,0,8,2,3,0,0,0,1,10,3,14,23,6,23,0,1,0,0,0,11,0,9,4,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042717685001081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263821681297414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270997071047194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572383860234236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851761157580262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314612407419536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065790947112464,0.0,0.3478055924751209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472375844766385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209357971626655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966177137955604,0.20445682464635925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616840854314705,0.0,0.20494064010413693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059770426078978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090696863964154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384595221898866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068457606254882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570960741750134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017565111631141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291086432189938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226310204874875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552537481041071,0.3921357436424442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CrazyDiamondFam,2020/01/07,"Going to get tested - I need some help and support Hello

I don’t really know what I need. I just need to vent and get things out. I never thought I had PTSD until we started fostering our 4 year old who’s been through a shit show of a life so far and started learning about it. 

In our foster trainings we attend they would do these check list and different scales related to trauma. Well I started scoring high on some of the trauma related stuff.

I grew up i crazy situation. I’m 30 now and never had an experince like the last couple of weeks. When I was 10 my sister started cutting, was raped, and going in and out of treatment centers. 

My mom was verbally abusive and is narssasitic (Just figures this out over the last 6 months).

One christmas when I was around 11 my sister just got back from treatment. My mom was mad at her for some reason and she went out about bought me around 700 dollars of presents and they got her nothing she wanted. She wanted a video camera extremely bad and my mom went out of the way to buy something of a similar size and lead her to believe it was a camera. 

She also did not tell my dad she got me all this stuff u til the night before. 

My sister was super up set and I still feel extremely guilt and ashamed to this day. She said that she was going to go cut her self and things got really heated but settled down before the end of the day. 

My memory is hazy here, but my foster son has to be restrained some times because he get very violent and aggressive. I started to get extremely upset and overwhelmed having to do this around christmas time when he was having a hard time and just kind of losing it. 

I started have these memories of seeing my sister cut her self and seeing blood everywhere. On my way home from christmas I called my dad and asked him if we could talk about our families past. 

He sat me down and told me that christmas night my sister cut her self when everyone went to sleep and he had to restrain her. 

I remember this happening and my mom holding me crying but letting me watch. I thought my dad was beating her up. 

I don’t know why my mom didn’t remove me from the situation. She probably wanted me to see. 

Stuff like this continued my whole life, i got hooked on drugs, but got clean shortly after 21. 

When we got our son all of this stuff just started coming into my mind and these last few weeks have been nothing but a endless stream of memories of shit that I don’t if they happend or not, or there are all these memories but I don’t know when or how they happend. There just lapses of memory all over child hood.

I’ve been having these crying spells when these memories come up and it’s really fucking annoying. I’m not talking like a tear, i mean streams of water running down my face right before I walk into a store.

I don’t I always thought I just had ADHD and that’s why my life is so hard. Treatment for that has helped me tremendously but now I just feel hopeless and messed up. I feel super guilty and ashamed that i’m not talking to my mom

When I was talking to my dad this weekend he told me that I was 100% intentionally neglected by him and my mom. He said they knew I was in trouble but because I stayed quite and out of the way they didn’t do anything.  There’s a point where I don’t remember any interactions with my parents after like age 12. Nothing meaningful anyway just either absent or fucked up. 

I don’t that’s all I have, i’m crying again so i gotta get my self togeather for work",3.5177592856765467,4.961303813124111,4.437399746394043,86.37006591113226,72.92296718972895,7.360923548370052,26.24824325038305,7.921354282810032,1.4715236751730332,2747,93,556,38,54,889,277,701,0.147,0.812,0.040999999999999995,-0.9974,2,0,2,0,0,1,47.0,8,0,6,7,40,35,13,5,20,0,49,13,5,4,7,120,113,59,0,10,28,19,5,4,0,2,4,2,2,5,34,48,1,4,17,3,5,15,15,26,1,1,43,11,103,9,76,65,12,103,0,4,4,3,78,36,4,10,51,379,137,5,0.0,0.06153741126755498,0.0,0.0,0.06241874818689235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153437747635032,0.04321613720581639,0.0,0.0,0.03531926187183703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274011397561548,0.13870608399792114,0.04855452513921561,0.0,0.0,0.039936709946144115,0.04336561956760427,0.06332120155080444,0.0,0.13258488951403438,0.05851574525722693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303396571938415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947906628662035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04146784508406997,0.05746782473883889,0.1711526221041712,0.06699074533068093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054263603758996116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023097829347515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460011842033832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049628480086998085,0.0,0.0,0.048962026146382905,0.0,0.07878343894588585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603071163764898,0.1356759270154665,0.0,0.11806904861426801,0.0,0.2907739857343317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459281348334708,0.0,0.09305154644231363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962518517628867,0.0548747905777695,0.05209751899116698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408488458139619,0.08563042874452613,0.12700791468665815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310958384106746,0.11005491702988164,0.10149610113734936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058104745912715486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657513283952654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244204086260052,0.4257997752110921,0.04145599452067781,0.0,0.0,0.11553293184504408,0.08011476027321683,0.0,0.0,0.0974795979864106,0.0,0.1495062150129392,0.0,0.054499639886563686,0.0,0.035194175079927524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576704161073532,0.0,0.04958019373112337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909769857556919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055997379069442084,0.0,0.060712125237003166,0.0,0.0,0.055241894425440086,0.0,0.0,0.09981742321201333,0.0534003712386034,0.0,0.0,0.11767006200879546,0.04435431718093491,0.09880885858716154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416232209906958,0.0,0.21672844113759265,0.0,0.10662613699115273,0.0,0.1167597889150711,0.05197498047402758,0.0,0.0,0.039984003267732764,0.0,0.0,0.2573312692877652,0.05535843449477457,0.041477332112171215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378239173616391,0.0,0.0589380275718942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669814900758877,0.045395639636257534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900989696464645,0.0,0.0,0.12369765353813085,0.0908554725227026,0.0,0.0,0.09925696017399617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042853853610800116,0.09190219965717872,0.12367664299975945,0.08332221420093328,0.0,0.0466980246354623,0.14443967024097884,0.09373097998071364,0.05798633252982219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03781109808128647,0.0,0.0,0.03689488984550348,0.0,0.0,0.033446029036427016
ptsd,jazzyjbox,2020/01/07,"Tips for Improving Concentration? For the past year-ish, I've been struggling more and more with my memory and concentration. It took several months to finally get a PTSD diagnosis and start treatment, but my memory/concentration still feel like they're deteriorating. 

I'm about to medically retire from the Navy so I've been working more on writing, but the lack of focus makes it VERY difficult. I've tried working in spurts or switching between projects like I used to do at work, but it hasn't been productive. (It has taken me 6 hours total to edit two pages of my current manuscript...) 

I'd love some ideas on how to boost my concentration!",6.589012605042014,7.903601714285718,7.167552521008402,70.16880777310925,65.47058823529412,10.992016806722688,33.36239495798319,10.9516,3.9484025210084037,520,22,91,15,8,171,82,119,0.076,0.7809999999999999,0.142,0.8556,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,4,0,6,2,0,3,1,17,15,9,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,5,1,6,3,17,10,7,12,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,9,54,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045335394689474,0.14769450901887918,0.0,0.226472662553524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801268689019007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359644444267447,0.0,0.0,0.23338336591921616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200463770322832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865901784514047,0.0,0.13800000568736695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208267970285834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501723829655351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973559370198485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416670340094629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23355642350778325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633105322606632,0.0,0.16510217342984007,0.0,0.0,0.21612867519303464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296948320416176,0.14036233014544452,0.0,0.20195413508899748,0.0,0.0,0.17855627015532735,0.0,0.17058147211235694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515257482887174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313325147282676
ptsd,lesmexyfish,2020/01/07,"I don't know if I actually have ptsd TW: Sexual Trauma, suicide

I had what i think are repressed memories that came back about two years ago. I feel like i cant talk about my trauma, because i don't even know if it actually happened, or if my mind just made it up.

I've had a ridiculously high sex drive since late middle school for seemingly no reason, i was obsessed and so lost in fantasies (nothing immoral) that my grades fell. Im trans and poly, like so aggressively poly i have trouble with monogamous relationships. I have diagnosed chemical depression and general anxiety disorders but i thought it was common, especially in high school. I went to therapy but they would always try to figure out ""the real reason"" i was depressed, as though my litte sister passing wasn't enough. I attempted suicide several times, but nobody knew.

I had a sexual relationship with an ex my sophomore year. A few months after we started having sex, i started dissociating and having flashbacks of things i didn't remember, followed by panic attacks. I had had lots of negative sexual encounters (like regret or harassment; i often got my ass slapped in middle school hallways and thought it was a good thing until i was older) which, sadly, lots of afab people do, but i didn't remember any assault. 

I still have the flashbacks, though not as often or aggressively. Some positions or certain phrases trigger it, sometimes it's just the act, sometimes it's because someone angrily kicked their backpack in the hall or raised their voice. I usually have to stop whatever sexual thing I'm doing and often don't do anything else sex-wise for several days, but i can occasionally force it out of my head and continue. I still have an elevated sex drive but not as crazy as before i started getting them. I still have problems with monogamy.

I wonder if the sex drive and my being trans and poly were defense mechanisms, like subconsciously trying to retake control of my body. I guess I'll never really know. I've tried to tell therapists and counselors, but i can't ever spit it out because i feel like they'll tell me repressed memories are a myth or I'm doing it for attention and i just don't know what to do. My ex broke up with me partly because of it. I hate sex now but i love it and i can't just quit. I'm so tired and conflicted and i don't know what to do.

Sorry for the rant.",5.126219145093317,6.627579121412808,6.174232390126432,75.24618904274534,69.04415011037527,9.464419024683924,32.049568533012234,9.800150414767053,3.3077938189845484,1894,83,334,45,33,630,219,453,0.20600000000000002,0.73,0.064,-0.9966,1,0,0,0,0,2,50.0,1,0,5,4,21,30,8,4,13,0,43,12,4,5,3,90,73,42,2,7,24,3,2,5,0,2,2,1,0,0,21,23,0,6,19,1,0,9,16,22,0,1,22,3,54,8,39,48,6,47,0,6,0,7,15,14,1,19,29,232,75,4,0.0,0.0,0.15672550496303145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118250013937161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681734230670297,0.0,0.0,0.05460782390780168,0.0,0.06143048423561358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608135317915098,0.0,0.0,0.09135463301867144,0.0,0.06174695360592933,0.0,0.19580437645974494,0.0,0.06833072489538558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919694590482385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918436079540148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006504330614812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051787871979669164,0.0,0.1383272558597076,0.08150440716991622,0.0,0.0,0.09203256068728533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708166091747322,0.0,0.0,0.08297299179866935,0.0,0.05303843221634057,0.07263737094109128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120577710861833,0.11473492087309205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041954258035591226,0.0,0.0,0.06735315030186713,0.06422450433327062,0.0,0.08846123692629085,0.0,0.07101041659649772,0.0,0.0,0.07928117933642533,0.08241258182225697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968604336761425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673947962729325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206582247291752,0.0,0.09058367304541504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615646408285656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765865381219745,0.13653905303039246,0.07247530562419723,0.07598329083152945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108169822977332,0.0,0.0640959501623418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061933524223846174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077051525898946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942165950266896,0.0,0.08695877919846702,0.0,0.05567100042862177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683776125434037,0.09386824266150023,0.0,0.0,0.08541060835484843,0.0,0.09140077134585974,0.05144324447730058,0.16512678434733213,0.0,0.17242767667909836,0.18193205873648666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438084396385061,0.0,0.07310353695901722,0.0,0.1814358431371509,0.0,0.06642629174060605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803926297389737,0.0,0.15884061977878175,0.08989103759024641,0.17051360194124926,0.0,0.19238682193012488,0.06713571144378372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567377673946885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454336332830712,0.14037423004105595,0.0,0.09183184810200412,0.09323631653689793,0.16004639260365766,0.05145400611732267,0.157791777279554,0.12750095980166787,0.04682449350709683,0.0922948463550962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355849262556368,0.0,0.07844296942165938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844083872589213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444036350893374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708363145475677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704393413123735,0.0,0.0,0.1034231615974274
ptsd,storeboughtserotonin,2020/01/07,"Dream worsening PTSD tw: abuse rape sexual assault Background....My father was emotionally abusive towards my sister and me when we were growing up. He physically assaulted her (to this day I do not know the details). She told my mother about it and her answer was to make my 16 year old sister (at the time) confront him until his yelling made her back down and say she lied. I haven’t spoken to my parents since 10/27/18 and I have been on anti-anxiety and antidepressant meds since December of that year. I recently changed my meds and they have been making a world of difference. I still have symptoms of my PTSD from my father and another person who assaulted me...but overall I am doing better.

The dream...I don’t remember the set up of the dream but what I do remember is being sexually assaulted by my father with him groping my chest and fingering me and grabbing at my privates. All while my mother stood and watched. I am shaken and distraught and I have to leave for work in 5 minutes. 

I hate that I am still triggered by these things and I really wish I didn’t have these dreams. I just needed to get this off my chest before I go to work so I can avoid having a full on breakdown in front of customers. 


/vent",4.370928270042191,5.942845270042199,5.22854430379747,81.02779535864978,70.98312236286921,8.30464135021097,29.200421940928273,8.841846274778883,2.378323206751056,967,38,181,18,18,315,139,237,0.166,0.778,0.057,-0.9768,1,1,0,0,2,0,30.0,1,0,1,3,7,10,7,2,7,0,23,5,3,4,1,30,34,18,0,2,3,8,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,10,15,0,1,4,3,0,3,4,9,0,0,9,5,40,1,29,24,2,29,0,0,1,1,23,13,0,0,12,133,50,2,0.0,0.3245118019287397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359741834378065,0.10476156190817508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530125854157966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652900926033072,0.0,0.0,0.1211155812518663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486828514169048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831736269051675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430770280408533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404323955666058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154743536856382,0.0,0.07782826521423156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520356026090008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526068061534824,0.0,0.0,0.14500361382705276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957944781785322,0.1828219771593343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042271760251253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154202439048847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436993852988163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205978171236925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957396379703948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201597329780885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772964608899735,0.0,0.13521539079231865,0.0,0.31026105152130123,0.0,0.0,0.10890313324388172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265625010482873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872684446207855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233694758377413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097931467065706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985297749808093,0.0,0.0,0.13085558173705264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747850600169114,0.0,0.0,0.1993933010589918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763745163536699
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contact me via Snapchat username = doctorlimpson",8.12722902097902,12.501610761363635,6.0909090909090935,63.45059440559442,77.75,6.798601398601399,43.13286713286713,7.882392219407189,5.0942017482517485,489,32,50,9,13,142,42,88,0.061,0.7959999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,4,6,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,5,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,25,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5178690895506711,0.5807732995340278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003178346213856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350725172172224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171655491484898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799167350413592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498532374565094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638259793713655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5807732995340278,0.0
ptsd,komodojarjarbinks,2020/01/07,"Being around normal or high-performing people is hard I left a program for gifted college kids halfway because I felt so inadequate as compared to the others there. They came from healthy homes where they were loved and allowed to flourish. They were mentally strong and also really great with other people and boundaries, things which I struggle with. I want to push myself to be better, but when I see them it feels so horrible. I wish I didn’t have the ptsd I did and recurring nightmares about my parents threatening violence or their emotional abuse. I feel like a shell of a human being next to them, with their full range of emotions like the capacity to experience joy without hints of sadness.",10.218530183727033,9.098658110236222,9.203582677165354,66.77760498687667,58.44881889763778,11.931233595800528,40.851706036745405,10.864195022040775,4.5758776902887135,568,25,90,11,6,178,92,127,0.177,0.609,0.213,0.1382,2,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,7,2,9,9,0,1,6,0,9,1,0,1,0,20,17,12,0,3,4,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,6,6,18,7,18,8,1,9,0,1,1,1,11,4,0,2,5,70,23,2,0.0,0.20419483656348608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782031524977514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341922671599156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505692500983724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242081287661294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711116182209548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877188310320927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858168671532728,0.0,0.0,0.17428066502527012,0.12311980146830005,0.1654735219898591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000556803607896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438287804434972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208677717632524,0.17287117148155476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872480222915191,0.0,0.0,0.1683933346941031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554366834270789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367828540191915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328565090009347,0.0,0.1688567061740502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136328534180647,0.0,0.0,0.23895785060574445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014563537015087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104054807156077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373327462981841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801672909720139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449510421141645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165065582209312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981826091017704,0.16612970588017262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ashhtreeee,2020/01/07,"The Long Term Memory I lost over things I used to love doing and was rly good at. (The only thing I still know is basic chords for the guitar but i had known much more)

Guitar
ASL beginner
Wrote a 300 page book
Went through college writing many essays
The names of people i knew
No memories between ages 0 to 13
Forgot how to read without getting lost

All i have to rely on is my short term and foggy long term. 
If you memory problems your not alone. I was sexual and physically abused for 15 years(growing up)
I was called air head. When really my brain wouldnt take in memory to protect it from anymore trauma.",2.9489256198347107,5.077441082644633,4.205785123966944,84.5014049586777,76.19008264462809,7.375206611570247,21.743801652892564,8.296473431620573,1.283621487603306,485,13,93,9,11,159,93,121,0.14800000000000002,0.774,0.078,-0.8762,0,1,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,3,6,0,0,5,0,9,3,2,2,1,19,20,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,4,0,1,4,4,0,0,10,0,12,2,17,9,7,17,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,1,9,59,15,3,0.0,0.226967761712014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839881320858005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997645294591067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138447704403063,0.19560459639267755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000824078836052,0.0,0.0,0.16067178342276311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965962458847207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105276591622633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390498696686593,0.0,0.0,0.4182216326131941,0.0,0.17289074908240445,0.0,0.0,0.1942121891893096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081894260557215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569032388109232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280386861946247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832974416135828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161224901142665,0.0,0.12271850385878627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529803909097618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402958836586693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25452844907534633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544668940629506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757841927235882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184657399433187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LeonardoMcdouchebag,2020/01/07,"I Don't Know What to Do I partially need to vent but I'm also looking for any advice.

My PTSD has debilitated me in so many ways in my life and I lose more and more hope daily. My boyfriend brings a newfound joy to my life that I can't compare, but my actual progress is stagnant. Every time I get a new job the forced social interactions, my stress over being yelled at, and my constant worry (in every facet of life) that I'm doing a terrible job ruin it. I've been looking into getting some sort of food stamps or something to help me so I'm not as much of a burden to the family I live with. 

I just don't want to get stuck in this loop, it genuinely feels like the PTSD is getting worse, and it worries me. I know it can't just fix, so all I want is  a job, to have a half decent mental state, and just to be able to have enough time to do the things that make me forget about my mental illnesses. I don't know where to start looking for help, I want to feel decent. If anyone sees this and can coherently read it I'd appreciate suggestions.",4.4799475524475545,4.233032022727279,5.813636363636366,83.52353146853146,69.68181818181819,8.76923076923077,26.92307692307693,8.384062270229773,1.5435839160839169,815,22,180,11,13,276,120,220,0.19899999999999998,0.69,0.111,-0.9629,4,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,9,8,0,1,10,0,18,5,0,1,1,31,43,15,0,6,8,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,12,8,1,0,5,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,7,23,3,27,39,6,16,0,2,4,0,5,8,0,5,6,116,35,4,0.11614795750079078,0.0,0.11334365197647615,0.0,0.0,0.11349843982382868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288347965028114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789845939837111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812133524590776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551467974051111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001188840442688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571932722949364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094939574282433,0.0,0.1174557943360861,0.0829761240460242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044657124636625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427300558560141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570305523782538,0.0,0.0,0.1153611290042384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457767776870587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914956397327937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24611621185797136,0.0567440251749396,0.0,0.10256077440242377,0.0,0.2926050950702237,0.12993985494645974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752966353544875,0.11775579876301676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340996457392909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538211291835503,0.08612223878141073,0.0,0.11217642111799762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27154149365486163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617938878761487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925548844013794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839821581486687,0.0,0.08941637215990292,0.0,0.0,0.08221012212931618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330470928941704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771635419843902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545361611168605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055212238713376,0.09219284242171226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359077775961545,0.11836469149091858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,InfamousCauliflower4,2020/01/07,i cant stop screaming WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME????????,0.997,2.9959167000000018,2.4700000000000024,95.165,82.0,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.5219999999999998,37,1,8,0,1,12,10,10,0.218,0.39,0.392,0.303,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465912838813227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.428104648049981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339786824026979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5763240427213778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,octoberriddle,2020/01/07,"Not sure if I have PTSD from being mugged I’m 17m and got mugged a few weeks ago by a few people at knife point, the only thing I lost was my phone and I thought I was fine but now I think about it all the time and I feel paranoid everywhere. 

The area I live in is pretty rough and the people that mugged me are part of a gang that stay around the area I live so whenever I leave my house I always feel worried and I actively avoid certain places now, I’ve seen the person that had the knife twice since and he’s came up to me once and I had to run.

I’m on Prozac right now for depression so I don’t know if that’ll make it worse but when I try to sleep I think about it to, like just rethinking what happened, what I could of done differently, attacking the person that robbed me, anything really.

Is this mild ptsd?",2.0451428571428565,3.3356686857142885,3.107857142857142,95.04464285714286,76.42857142857143,6.828571428571428,19.92857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.1854571428571425,640,13,154,8,14,205,107,175,0.149,0.768,0.083,-0.8909,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,1,1,11,0,13,2,1,1,3,28,27,14,0,3,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,12,9,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,10,4,21,4,16,14,4,20,0,2,1,0,4,10,0,2,8,96,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973831674576228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178231311521873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044088804072957,0.13029043350151776,0.0,0.1665043555868828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739556880527365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685565672357025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605868928571515,0.0,0.0,0.15291387918975827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977594943717326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800689511432918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705656684880528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294246746406326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887849754115936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043501309006999,0.0,0.0,0.1549729218620417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715035561242793,0.0,0.25847514574528285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597680071861324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976956892080286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586743106178458,0.0,0.11131252378000488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849240497855754,0.0,0.20293363883034185,0.2555898581997409,0.15291387918975827,0.0,0.13835644941357367,0.0,0.0,0.14889959840374084,0.0,0.0,0.34217139816503495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937612465614168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498968422872722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106957835444805,0.0,0.14646457910156555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599909291068267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794151275531927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723433679614532,0.18756172178322505,0.0,0.11619260264636384,0.08534304018809709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936807258885044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740026568022012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863454754484276,0.14915220298632806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,brawler2007,2020/01/07,"Intro and advice? TW: domestic assault in front of a child

Oh I'm so new here and found y'all amidst some desperation for understanding.  I was assaulted 12 years ago by my newly ex-husband in front of our, then, six year old daughter.  She is 18 now and wonderful and complicated (as we all are).  There is a protective order in place that restricts his ability to contact her until my younger daughter is also 18, so four more years.

Two days ago a distant relative of my assaulter reached out to my daughter via Face Book and they have been messaging.  I'm falling apart with fear.  I have worked so hard and controlled things so closely for the last 12 years to ensure we are safe and I cannot control this.  I've encouraged her to discontinue the conversations but I clearly cannot forbid such a thing.

In the midst of a complete breakdown last night a friend of mine suggested that I could let my daughter see that, the complete and unabashed destruction of her mom.  Let her see how damaged I still am by this even after so much very successful therapy and even though I understand my triggers and how to cope with them.  I have done EMDR with very good success and I do body work regularly, I manage pretty well most of the time so she really hasn't seen that side of me.

Here's my dilemma.  I don't have any reason to believe that her having these conversations puts us in danger at this point.  My mind is very clear on that but my body is saying other things.  There is a part of me that hears what my friend is saying and I'm sure that if my daughter witnessed the visceral fear this is inducing she might behave differently .... and then there's the other part that feels that is a manipulation, using my fear and my disability to leverage a decision out of her that she might not otherwise make.

It is so hard to not know if I should trust my mind or my body.  My gut told me, before the assault, that I was in danger but I ignored it and listened to my head ... and now I am again, trying to decide who to listen to but with the knowledge that my body's responses are now damaged and unhealthy.  Sigh.

Oh that's a lot of words.  Any thoughts anyone might have would be greatly appreciated.  I feel a little lost with this.",4.001955375253552,5.649335167816091,4.861774847870183,82.99379817444222,72.0344827586207,7.8762677484787025,27.966531440162267,8.4952907291091,1.9881075050709944,1758,66,343,30,34,570,220,435,0.136,0.73,0.134,0.0698,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,4,1,2,7,25,27,7,3,20,0,39,7,7,10,4,77,60,39,0,5,9,6,4,0,2,5,0,5,0,1,29,27,0,7,13,1,0,4,6,15,2,3,9,12,56,11,45,42,8,43,0,3,3,0,40,16,0,10,22,253,85,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076042376659698,0.14652085703702314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609173825751491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240382319013864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778779664532535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032540550015959,0.09311340519515823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672029763908531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330489288915826,0.0,0.18538836523661792,0.06598586833184326,0.0,0.0,0.05329964086487443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634716864580809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457524741157584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917341381691577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789981758276006,0.0835763006006807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061674677234324,0.1277037291463148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931929397710619,0.0,0.09111717853316592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806863195251113,0.0,0.08481833382915993,0.0,0.09314771298085203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04541991660349712,0.13473455587295186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902166000624558,0.0,0.0,0.08283270549367991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021754685580978,0.07026242064364945,0.0,0.0,0.05516664802902405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630220891941477,0.16689719933105668,0.09679364765586276,0.0,0.0,0.06075410051518696,0.0,0.0,0.07981973426393944,0.0,0.07755739302020406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672276204362406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899448361754505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634716864580809,0.0,0.07812690211019913,0.0,0.0,0.0840803908892139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308175769164837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294495314734059,0.08497354657031997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144635922380715,0.0,0.0,0.13171584909054387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600096460187803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789259633104119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451256320622793,0.0,0.16471839682546746,0.0,0.08119898287896603,0.06561145599903741,0.048191373620983635,0.0,0.0,0.07897151023620902,0.0,0.05611100684451829,0.0,0.08073284224132897,0.1720741814699398,0.0994126039508299,0.07137935147154863,0.0,0.20457407922751933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430841170322891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896257386974654,0.1203341111367585,0.0,0.0,0.05870913568157636,0.0,0.0,0.21288449050066452
ptsd,margaretscatwood,2020/01/07,"My grandmother passed last week and the image of me doing cpr on her dead body, her lifeless face, the visual and tactile How do I get through the flashbacks without going into hysterics everytime?",8.851428571428574,9.387813142857144,8.092142857142857,68.21535714285716,60.42857142857143,10.428571428571429,40.35714285714286,10.125756701596842,4.525285714285714,160,8,23,3,2,50,31,35,0.111,0.828,0.06,-0.45299999999999996,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,2,1,0,5,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5508021990484719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259072744599442,0.0,0.2818155839213133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40420200507116416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977587475167501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780030805952257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SweepDeepDoom,2020/01/07,"Needing to write out the trauma Hey y'all, hope you're doing okay. So a few years back I got out of an abusive relationship and that was my most recent traumatic encounter, so I'm finding that to be my biggest hurdle right now. I have tried to forgive, I have tried to forget, to talk about it, everything. But the only thing that seems like it'd be appropriate for me because I have SO MUCH to say, is to write. And I'm not a writer. I don't want to publish a book or anything. But this would need to be a book platform. Have any of you ever needed to write out the trauma, or have any other suggestions that aren't so time consuming? Thanks in advance. Love u.",2.6913770053475963,4.201422014705884,4.1553475935828885,87.29179144385027,75.17647058823529,6.7101604278074864,24.863636363636363,7.348242739294969,1.0703617647058818,518,17,108,6,11,172,87,136,0.111,0.763,0.127,0.0643,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,8,8,0,0,8,1,15,1,0,0,1,25,26,10,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,10,6,18,19,3,14,0,0,0,1,12,7,0,5,7,76,19,3,0.0,0.23323916238410686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26773420868145986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199362596732605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136816099910955,0.0,0.12000004311728045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806522617024045,0.0,0.0,0.17691919818076202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992049768175328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744169621791668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551990476091569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617265792837007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177667934845772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470994459034106,0.4378930425616657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971592817050075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436904483840914,0.2113469475015354,0.0,0.1681117806925793,0.0,0.1565457738537688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920799822186362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822335582827945,0.0,0.181236219425707,0.0,0.0,0.13078069285581095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147868365639238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673011573712211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610927200095393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398390511814754,0.0,0.0,0.12676717523286068
ptsd,JME_AS,2020/01/07,"Why anniversaries? A venting session Whether I think about the date coming up or not, it hits me like a ton of bricks. As I heal, I am in a constant battle with certain dates. I will spare details but I had experienced the passing of multiple family members in traumatic and sudden ways AND in different times of the year. That being said I am in a constant state of preparation for anniversaries that also coincide with the  holidays, my bday and changes in season. So when I get attacked by these memories, I get behind on everything in my life and that just increases the anxiety and depression associated with it. it just prolongs the episode. I can literally forget it’s approaching and my brain will attack me. Totally bs if ya ask me.

So I am a bit irritated that as I improve and work on freeing myself from these events that I apparently have no choice in the matter.....essentially I am a bit pissed about it today. I am bit livid my mom and dad chose to succumb to crappy decisions on opposing sides of the year. I am a just a bit mad about having no consent in how I feel and when I feel it. 

That’s all! Thanks for reading.",3.6032948810382126,5.6886397260274,5.231290555155012,78.08647440519105,74.11415525114155,8.994087959625091,30.2477769766883,9.549672527348893,3.1222913242009134,896,41,166,24,19,303,125,219,0.223,0.6920000000000001,0.085,-0.9899,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,1,12,10,5,0,16,0,13,4,2,1,3,31,23,21,0,1,8,2,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,14,13,0,1,4,2,1,4,3,6,0,0,2,4,26,5,32,17,8,32,0,1,0,0,5,13,1,2,14,129,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113192863647351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828094283926276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132324741033486,0.3220539743120514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6181185256384657,0.0,0.0,0.15801016386836778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497350193804748,0.12192781455844387,0.0,0.3059180401746631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191183148914232,0.0,0.0,0.1478835864291774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721082041798293,0.0,0.1334352959218242,0.0,0.14313802371459342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790202853657056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999768703581925,0.06915135747080453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577488275993446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158252644262628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464096896089747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031490307254148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069582251495406,0.0,0.0,0.08253557444660342,0.0,0.1341673726608437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123512155314802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772164507016698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030458798114568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822996772454958
ptsd,nerovox,2020/01/07,"Its hard to come to terms with being disabled I keep trying to rationalize it away and say to myself that I'm just being overly dramatic. That I spent half of today on the couch staring at the ceiling in torment because I'm lazy. I guess it's easier to keep telling myself that I'm a piece of shit than it is to say that I'm broken.

I'm getting real tired of people being nice and helpful; I feel patronized. I tell myself that I could have done that thing someone else did, but I can't. I tell people ""don't do that thing. I will take care of it."" But after me not being able to take care of it for a few days it quietly gets done.

I feel like a leech.",2.6942142857142852,3.4632771357142893,4.535714285714288,87.47928571428572,74.07142857142857,7.028571428571429,23.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.7452285714285716,509,13,112,5,10,174,80,140,0.069,0.8009999999999999,0.13,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,5,0,14,2,1,0,0,15,32,4,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,16,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,4,7,14,4,21,22,3,10,0,0,1,0,6,5,1,1,5,79,30,0,0.15305902573675567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380399307470765,0.0,0.0,0.09330336144661153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121077551759021,0.0,0.0,0.13184679789987006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220517752452285,0.0,0.0,0.09871040934293547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132650485747832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278611758978493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478248464331096,0.10934539856897764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993404733827052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686117728761782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371108232036233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259223860555423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720917894245101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477690866495916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122237130344856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421468017360886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434373612106535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711289040147802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968641581144094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301626778465194,0.0,0.4013410045307063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337123118928016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591883419213405,0.14508205967631488,0.0,0.0,0.10391703141693773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ElectricLoner98,2020/01/07,"Is there any alternative to obgyn appointments? I would like to preface this by saying that I have been sexually assaulted. 

I am 21 and have avoided going to any kind of obgyn appointments. I know they’re important, trust me, I know. But I find them too invasive. 

The thought of going in there and having to expose myself to a stranger. With my legs wide apart and someone inserting something inside of me literally gives me a full body cringe that sends shocks and goosebumps through me. I can’t hardly bare the thought of it. I just can’t, it makes me want to vomit.

I think if I even made it far enough as to making the appointment, and showing up for it. I feel like it would end in me crying and screaming at them to stop. 

Is there NO other alternative? Can I not pap smear myself? 

I hate this and I wish it wasn’t so hard",2.391402439024389,4.652772347560977,3.661158536585369,87.07027439024392,78.57317073170732,6.782926829268294,23.664634146341466,7.865858978985527,1.2645317073170736,651,22,131,11,16,212,101,164,0.158,0.746,0.095,-0.894,0,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,0,7,9,2,1,5,0,13,5,3,3,0,28,28,11,0,5,4,0,3,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,11,8,0,2,7,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,5,5,25,4,21,21,2,13,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,4,95,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492960143448916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360125632686693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134276253221914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234642613232148,0.18939443722023552,0.0,0.12106570828531373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268029343715496,0.13094716302983794,0.0,0.0,0.1675298169475809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758348483756148,0.20834341997178407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283955896484143,0.18096749336233586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087525400972175,0.20147008989143672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909896855222115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343972168796484,0.2447038737310444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457648526741432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530665630436585,0.1411107158520078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324420646574127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174490918076449,0.0,0.29103413054299465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811311292970817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107821009637508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604173615392556,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IheartCart00ns,2020/01/07,"Trying to understand my backflip spiral into hell- feedback and opinions welcome. First post here, and it may be a little long... I will try to Cliffs Notes it, but requesting you be gentle, as I am already losing it a little. 

Diagnosed PTSD several times over due to a traumatic injury, a miscarriage at 5 months, rape, domestic violence, and childhood abuse. I know my triggers, and I have worked my ass off to control them and heal myself as much as I could. 

More recently (the past 18) I have been stalked by a community volunteer I used to mentor, threatened, and physically assaulted. After all this, my best friend of several years used intimate knowledge of my normally controlled triggers (and happily shared them with coworkers) to harass me until I was suicidal... then made sure I was fired for being so from my job of TEN years.

I'm trying desperately to figure out how I could live through so much and be just absolutely annihilated by recent events... am I just too damaged? Did it all get to be too much? Is ANY bit of strength I had just gone? I have been dealing with this for so many years, and I am really struggling to understand how lost and broken I am right now.

Experiences, feedback, tips, and knowledge welcome.",6.961118836915298,7.732969473451327,7.413678887484199,70.662389380531,64.44247787610621,10.881921618204807,36.05436156763591,10.7630783206399,4.174174209860936,975,45,164,25,14,320,140,226,0.259,0.619,0.122,-0.9924,1,0,0,0,2,0,40.0,0,1,2,8,12,15,4,1,6,0,23,4,1,9,3,42,33,22,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,6,15,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,8,0,2,9,1,26,7,31,15,8,27,1,3,0,2,9,8,2,2,17,126,32,5,0.0,0.14380547212358144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339365535065597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253683448679361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737198221247492,0.0,0.13250632731071826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722570884698233,0.19381065655604895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251287666579441,0.0,0.12318959597960695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872469185551597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323860154119163,0.0,0.0,0.09377137944913264,0.0,0.06341163964611134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044256240324212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066702644673668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24329241157074724,0.10717332627469056,0.10741002645786647,0.0,0.13578374921020278,0.13249141392720512,0.0,0.0,0.11484472096365418,0.0,0.1230517292317495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968776349476026,0.0,0.2676662232458264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891837600429475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586290389244898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162404207296022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187687869048274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775374023428183,0.0,0.2396795801655788,0.0,0.0,0.10365066374325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742306703205475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268839250565563,0.0,0.1327608060238412,0.0,0.11439127511253193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077274269431283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24721000158398454,0.0,0.0,0.2527041844726312,0.0,0.2096521470881336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835995371091089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344779491290504
ptsd,panfluidgodsent,2020/01/07,"i need clarification.. i’m not diagnosed or anything and i don’t want to dare misuse the diagnosis nor hurt anyone who has or deals with it.. but i want to know.. are these symptoms 

flashbacks
anxiety
disassociation 
cramps

possibly symptoms of Ptsd.. there’s some more descriptions but i don’t want to relapse myself,.. i just want to know if it’s a possibility for me as someone who’s has no health access atm (therapy, etc.) 

i do not wish to make anyone uncomfortable or hurt or anything.. i just feel like since i have no access to help.. i feel like i should try and ask anyone who deals with this...

oh and btw you guys are so strong and beautiful and your pasts make you stronger! fight for another day! ♥️ im rooting for all of you",1.3728122605363993,3.9645948827586217,3.2578735632183933,86.05309386973181,86.3793103448276,6.53256704980843,22.538314176245212,7.793537801064563,1.2905785440613022,578,21,118,12,18,193,88,145,0.109,0.6829999999999999,0.20800000000000002,0.9414,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,4,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,0,9,5,0,3,1,35,23,15,0,8,11,0,2,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,5,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,0,2,16,3,14,22,4,2,0,2,0,0,13,0,0,6,4,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424037907354644,0.10389075034327244,0.0,0.0,0.28487485542170643,0.0,0.22351252642416075,0.0,0.12695970569221235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758324056202066,0.2800187843109364,0.0,0.13783961045609386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145890650145113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733456965217794,0.19403879309111985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446868572198564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435477722979595,0.0,0.0,0.09102748913105936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907649539644923,0.0,0.14669312369900253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492701795974991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269530586859185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130230248926527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069797464979856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296416098441527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062003403753028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874923150701792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233962058615624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150674648119324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823075948220545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530529709215035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220294416428823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204061464916867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616949435894698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gizzielle,2020/01/07,"When someone's sweet and its shocking. Today my therapist said ""can you say his name it's alright if you cant"" when refuring to my assault. This was the first time someone asked like that insead of demanding his name. It almost broke me when I realized when given the choice it's hard to say.",2.32454022988506,4.759223637931036,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,79.86206896551724,6.625287356321839,25.18390804597701,7.793537801064563,1.5512666666666663,233,9,45,4,6,76,43,58,0.19,0.6940000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.5868,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,5,8,3,3,3,0,7,0,1,0,0,10,0,0,2,8,29,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828410595153249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26406026294190005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402587778760589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530270427962906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379947959384941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26868240503542484,0.4492441528251019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786517871734556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279557096097382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647036322928877,0.0,0.267737321277514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Bcakesss24,2020/01/07,6 years ago 6 years ago today I was involuntarily hospitalized for trying to kill myself and my unborn child to escape an extremely abusive man. My sister stupidly informed me that he is now with another girl who looks very similar to me. She's pregnant and due any day. And I'm in pain. I haven't self medicated or self harmed in a long while but today? Today is rough. I feel resentment towards everything. I don't want to live in this cycle of misery any longer. I want to heal and be better. And I want to leave this town and be far away from that guy. I want to stop blaming myself and thinking it was all in my head. I want to stop dreaming about the girl he's with being abused like I was. I can't afford therapy so I'm just SOL except for the help I can give myself. I just needed to get this out somewhere because I'm too paranoid to trust real people lately.,2.258061797752809,4.167181702247191,4.128525280898876,85.27795646067419,77.48314606741573,6.472471910112362,22.360955056179773,7.413659706084162,0.8856056179775282,685,20,138,9,16,232,111,178,0.235,0.6809999999999999,0.085,-0.9721,1,0,0,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,0,4,0,12,4,1,0,1,28,26,11,1,6,5,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,7,7,10,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,3,21,3,25,20,1,24,0,0,1,0,15,9,0,1,16,85,28,0,0.0,0.31129037283351185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23289300951672404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866442493796228,0.13774689742711155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342106170981812,0.0,0.0,0.08007844347446759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618102706822372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471909063461598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118061741004709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642172508671798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863241243858549,0.1260165837453821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300712864709714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134817645945627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805070527705329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533510834602242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818462534555688,0.1390958009605513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417794987106355,0.0,0.11599706256374535,0.11625325061828365,0.1103129070449286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233568801909534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740494626979952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978085171563873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910714487917888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952130558219492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740831790600427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21965283396306387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022649831126886,0.0,0.0,0.08417292391312875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37355392136424603,0.0,0.0,0.08918772054227989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838928542068924,0.3874102680822722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918857381378274
ptsd,Psycho_Pikachu,2020/01/08,"I'm just worried that I'll never be well enough for FT employment... I really do want a job. I have been willing to take on difficult jobs for little pay before, without complaining. But, whenever I take a job, I usually can't keep it up forever because I lack energy and get too depressed to do it anymore. You just can't interact with customers and coworkers and bosses every day with fake energy if you lack real energy. It sucks. I want to be a workhorse with the stamina to just run all day like I could as a kid. I don't know how normal people do it. I'm using a CPAP to treat my sleep apnea and I'm getting EMDR therapy to treat PTSD, but I worry that I will never have enough energy to work hard or be productive. I'm dependent on my spouse right now, just a pathetic stay at home wife w/o kids. :(",3.4286363636363646,4.497734000000001,5.64886363636364,79.05329545454545,72.63636363636364,9.621212121212123,27.083333333333336,9.928628108626363,2.6696969696969703,630,22,125,17,12,222,100,165,0.17800000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.11,-0.9215,4,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,1,8,9,1,0,7,0,15,1,1,4,3,32,29,10,0,7,9,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,6,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,5,1,0,1,1,14,4,18,22,5,14,0,1,0,0,8,6,1,3,7,83,20,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424068478026705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866089369076254,0.0,0.12376154701543204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612465065540215,0.0,0.0,0.1875978094086875,0.0,0.12527011242605007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30056364369684996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254226417918528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197625625423544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028864053162004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589150173097618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329901378484786,0.12927669937218506,0.0,0.0,0.07993184119141633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105625613993971,0.14577240902433533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224349698669114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250356626817268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083208026098804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001544978768066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165546331865876,0.09317471064080207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420779467206032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554835049015824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502321988284812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187105415683025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632710400468328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561632457358626,0.16018526126887184,0.0,0.17157246870865467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307710054886264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020216364166788,0.0,0.10588446413564133,0.2954094888157381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,stayclassyflorida,2020/01/08,"Advice for updating ICE info To keep things brief I've been off meds and struggling lately, and I'm overhauling my medical records binder since I'm changing psychiatrists. Everything in here is 2 years out of date. I'm wondering what neat recommendations you all have for the In Case of Emergency page I will be putting in the very front. I will put who to call if this binder is found, my name and dx, which tab to check to see what meds im on, and my pcp's contact info and #1 emergency contact (my dear husband). But like, what else? How do you say I'm not crazy I'm just traumatized, here is how to handle me? Like, I'm not even sure i know that myself.

Tia.",3.4273333333333333,4.612306140740742,4.446851851851854,87.22583333333336,72.77777777777777,8.362962962962964,26.092592592592588,8.841846274778883,1.6874592592592583,519,17,114,10,10,169,89,135,0.11900000000000001,0.769,0.111,-0.27,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,9,2,0,2,2,22,20,9,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,2,2,11,5,15,15,2,14,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,2,6,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673356770499888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951270047138519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215073091388785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963342429113087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621492130529668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174179049128885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952327426517053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206412899811324,0.0,0.0,0.16985196547088247,0.0,0.0,0.1050195464147936,0.0,0.21556088080313573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867164743992215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245218057023067,0.1925057839473122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384201872684588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519645791522366,0.0,0.0,0.15227613524573566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807385011769362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997715731056852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010260140210654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695349393229735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767148434206169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723187378934813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230574288934452
ptsd,stayinganonymous22,2020/01/08,"Saw my abuser I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to deal with seeing your abuser. 

It is extremely triggering for me and I’m exhausted from trying to fight this of all the time.",3.7892307692307696,5.291889974358977,5.515897435897441,78.67076923076927,72.33333333333333,9.302564102564103,23.256410256410252,9.725611199111238,2.1819333333333337,155,4,29,4,3,53,36,39,0.272,0.728,0.0,-0.9062,0,0,0,0,3,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,8,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,4,0,7,4,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.7081860612655064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292036595437194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032309162557258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089656121529392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081052727059923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814788444331675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426412623078394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029021969075372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240943320009806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Dyslexe,2020/01/08,"Disability benefits cut again I am feeling so lost. 

I just got word from disability that my benefits are being cut again. My pay has been halved and access to my psychologist and EMDR treatment is being stopped because they don't feel I have improved enough. All of this is happening not even a month after having to fight to have my claim reinstated. I don't understand how things are ever going to get better this way. I live in the boonies and already had to travel almost 2 hours each way to see my psychologist for treatment. My bills are overdue, my medications are giving me awful side effects and now this. Nothing is going right.

I feel hopeless. I don't know what to do.",4.882325581395347,6.701259131782948,5.814643410852714,76.35080232558141,70.08527131782947,8.26077519379845,29.95426356589148,8.841846274778883,2.585678449612403,544,22,95,10,10,179,85,129,0.158,0.754,0.08800000000000001,-0.8246,0,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,1,3,8,8,3,0,2,1,20,1,0,2,2,19,33,6,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,6,1,2,3,4,5,0,0,4,4,16,3,12,27,3,16,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,1,8,72,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051346756855956,0.0,0.2260647734446062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487891465658026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811793528253642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167202386321285,0.0,0.13530610438883414,0.1853048682698012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31074553569807273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702931780043966,0.1965174836580201,0.2328498873107294,0.0,0.16384284234105553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115435240448446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174286172001196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258403969287076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089246803268072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223625595019826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637185705820585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351488837740205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656579900545687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749467430887213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324449152608306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126960962531254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609787594749134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132633426636272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252118735994535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,elschmidt,2020/01/08,"EMDR for night terrors I’ve done several sessions of EMDR now focused on my past abusive relationship (I believe this relationship is partially to blame for causing my night terrors, as does my therapist). My therapist believes it would be helpful for me to do EMDR sessions targeting the night terrors themselves. I’m having difficulty wrapping my mind around this, as they are visions I have and not actual trauma in the same way my abusive ex was. Does anyone have any suggestions?",5.714735294117649,8.669349576470589,6.4619852941176505,67.65768382352942,70.88235294117645,8.955882352941178,38.86029411764706,9.516144504307137,4.762676470588237,394,24,54,10,8,129,59,85,0.22899999999999998,0.679,0.092,-0.9466,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,3,2,0,10,0,0,1,0,7,11,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,10,0,11,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,40,13,2,0.0,0.3688472088860451,0.1518950823453937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584952220935384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883634543447852,0.0,0.0,0.13856435969685996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507357373252816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989872608950995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27242635071745885,0.1592872782291374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433106744119824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716537307977885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382099876320879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858860404643126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342265976935216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584382542091134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36145075382067215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355027517737174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057157639036924,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,peachy2717,2020/01/08,i saw my ex gf for the first time in so long. idk how to feel about it. i (20f) was in a relationship for 2 years w my ex(19f). we broke up about 2 years ago. today i saw her for the first time in a really long time driving. and honestly i had flashbacks. not of the good. but of the bad. everytime she put her hands on me. everytime she did cheated on me. everytime she hurt me. all the words she spoke through her teeth and i just can’t stop thinking about it and i didn’t expect to see her and i just feel kinda scared right now... she knows the location i am (i pick my brother up from daycare a street over from her house. i really just feel so enabled. like i am not in control of anything. and i don’t really know why i’m posting this but it’s sending me into a panic attack and i don’t wanna tell anyone bc i should be over it right? i should be fine. i should think about this anymore. but i can’t stop. and i know it just hurts me but my god i’m in shock rn idk what to do about it,-1.4775576036866376,0.5112760829493119,1.0607373271889422,99.92539170506916,96.92626728110599,4.458986175115207,15.755760368663594,6.207218560251982,-0.5994387096774196,758,19,188,9,31,256,107,217,0.20600000000000002,0.747,0.047,-0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,4,13,13,2,2,10,0,16,2,2,3,1,40,30,14,0,5,10,2,4,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,3,8,0,0,3,7,9,0,2,7,8,38,4,30,18,1,33,0,3,3,0,18,15,0,1,15,127,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738067223245605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251099522654415,0.10047782319010062,0.0,0.11825219925556983,0.0,0.0,0.16347858733092288,0.0,0.0,0.11998283132504753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611708740002075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797590258142854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24446093557336024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052807284974948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580958564889592,0.3076659355323632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23691997003130966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020417155535012,0.0,0.0,0.2543385435860713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860005178877865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376241133587113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445738796548346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27617216523051075,0.0,0.0,0.154279164990411,0.0,0.2454366666460968,0.0,0.0,0.14386796970016735,0.0,0.1145096591714769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24027793454204055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255994363202553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18415329260547456,0.0,0.0,0.2513764808007595,0.0,0.13621004116064064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966617879660866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850751494102064
ptsd,reeceislame,2020/01/08,"self care after a flashback/episode?? after i have a flashback/episode (still don’t know if they’re 100% flashbacks but i am diagnosed. i’m not sure though) this is the list of things i feel after them though:

complete crap
tried
anxious
irritable
sensory overload such is easier to get to
don’t want to talk much
want to stay home
play video games to distract/feel better
like i don’t want to exist
apathetic/depressed 
zone out extra easy (just thinking about anything)

i wasn’t sure if this was actually related or if i’m just overthinking it. 

i was also interested if anyone had any self care or something you do when you feel like this. bc god i feel like crap. i also have to spend all day with my family so that really sucks a lot. 

thanks!",3.315727081138043,5.446572732876713,4.307808219178085,84.1809747102213,75.09589041095892,7.506006322444677,25.61433087460485,8.384062270229773,1.7505243414120124,593,21,115,11,13,192,93,146,0.149,0.585,0.267,0.9608,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,1,1,11,14,3,0,4,0,13,3,2,0,3,24,28,13,0,7,10,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,6,2,0,0,5,3,1,0,5,3,0,0,4,3,12,11,14,24,4,8,0,0,0,0,7,1,3,7,9,71,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.14213473739153534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329547135263424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990479336785602,0.0,0.0,0.16454460251248654,0.0,0.10184283215837203,0.0,0.1198586762609114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288168102604218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970025801700312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271270184483618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393309130677886,0.0,0.12544932103009615,0.1478330857773456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730715936568996,0.0,0.2945828582713859,0.20810675137760415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609683503335422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610021083054553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004618988482236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134737228632606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382759558338305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107070523897567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933080042852553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038923115373913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212954897632303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524499261292635,0.11631738101202482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745494057581019,0.0,0.0,0.11706906287141106,0.0,0.13409622274446018,0.0,0.0,0.09676430558659146,0.09332752379969303,0.2862034846397631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888772689113776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577268746325753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MrCrowbarMeek,2020/01/08,"Sinking Realization 
I started therapy recently. My symptoms (that I previously thought were me developing depression on top of my bipolar disorders) came to a head. I went to stay with my mom a few days after a heated paranoid arguement to give my poor boyfriend some space. I promptly lost my job after months of struggling. It was time to start healing. 
In 2018 I lost a wanted pregnancy. She was due in April of 2019. 
I had just lost my job. 
I have no friends. 
I was abused for years as a child, and have lived a particularly sad life. 
I've been homeless twice. I am 22.
I'm constantly an anxious, paranoid mess. My motivation to clean house, accomplish things, even play video games, seems permanently reduced and has been for nearly a year. 

Yet... None of that was it. It took some digesting, but I was strong enough to bare all of that and more. When the therapist shocked me with the PTSD diagnosis, I considered every possibility to the extent of exhaustion for the cause. I fought it tooth and nail, that conclusion. Until finally, I put my following of r/narcissisticabuse to work. I found a book called Why Does He Do That? by an author who's first name is Lundy. Swallowed my pride and began reading. 

Hi, everyone. My name is Kayla, and I am 22. I am here because so blind was I by love, that I could not recognize that my relationship was quietly ruining my mind... To the point I could no longer trust my mind to tell me what was real. 

Here's to trying to accept that my relationship has given me currently nonfunctional PTSD, watching some movies, and trying not to cry while I figure out what to do.",3.6442293233082736,5.99921977631579,4.791654135338348,80.04657894736842,74.92105263157895,8.553383458646618,27.962406015037594,9.23628265651192,2.624886654135339,1268,52,239,32,28,416,182,304,0.134,0.755,0.111,-0.1286,4,0,0,0,2,0,49.0,0,0,0,11,7,18,1,1,15,0,25,11,2,2,1,35,44,13,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,1,16,11,2,0,7,5,1,5,5,11,0,2,23,3,39,7,37,19,9,35,0,6,2,1,17,8,0,4,21,162,55,7,0.0,0.1305239127108938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445166218991033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715371035053372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248768139063882,0.12599593855063554,0.0,0.11316668183403965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190459465892178,0.0,0.1759107274932032,0.0,0.12100774389439713,0.07104535286642498,0.0,0.09488233758142496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625515394406878,0.0,0.09640347646545047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382675625354215,0.0,0.07276093780743044,0.0,0.09281620533952477,0.10526447683484176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206770461375106,0.0,0.09370370971959403,0.0,0.12078690673301158,0.0851108595887128,0.0,0.0,0.10567739327874627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305795608852068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271121150373559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863750064096849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781065256578662,0.0,0.0,0.0972750318679978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36076438867742455,0.0,0.09942547290212056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224643586052223,0.12902036001280245,0.08793022811171035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413866282610673,0.12419106149867792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575468799125619,0.1107432000701508,0.0,0.0,0.11019177470692597,0.1253884317756729,0.0,0.0,0.10877164873542286,0.2365454432731576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028731400811454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594640926994074,0.11741799537832233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516520278355795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145004601468348,0.0,0.0,0.09628641152251537,0.0,0.12597980576116538,0.12790653014145964,0.07318671343224327,0.0,0.0,0.08745629366151092,0.06423632670810064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239399462742227,0.14958548373958466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497638016132155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212124365861862,0.09940403729462324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019922131607354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188138514621898
ptsd,Gamer0921,2020/01/08,"To those who suffer PTSD from war and are suffering right now with the tensions between Iran vs US I am 19 and I have ptsd. It’s not from war and I know it can’t be as bad as yours. Mine is from domestic violence. I’ve never been through or been part of a war and I hope I never will. I want to commend you on your service and to your fellow brothers who served. Know that it’s okay to feel like this. You aren’t being a burden and you aren’t over reacting. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT. Keep repeating that. I know you didn’t say anything about these topics, but I know it’s how I feel when I have an attack and I want to tell you what I needed to hear. If you need to talk, feel free to message me, any time, any day. I don’t think I could offer very good advice, but I CAN be there just to listen and make sure you have company. You aren’t alone. You are never alone. Remember that. You are brave, you are strong, and you are worth it. I know it’s hard. I can’t imagine how hard because I simply haven’t been in your shoes and while I can try to imagine, I can not replicate those feelings without being there. No one can. You can get through this. Lean on your friends, your family, those you care about or love, and lean on this community. It’s what we are here for. You aren’t alone. You are never alone. We share this burden and we will help you carry it. 

Anyone who is struggling can feel free to message me, I don’t care what time or day it is. I may not respond right away, but I will respond as soon as possible. Hang in there. Sending virtual comfort your way.",0.28518673218673385,2.42347023939394,1.8695904995905008,97.54411547911549,86.0,4.9009009009009015,18.61588861588861,6.243973517019112,-0.26551433251433304,1209,32,281,11,37,391,149,330,0.138,0.685,0.177,0.9729,4,4,0,0,1,0,42.0,4,25,0,1,12,27,4,2,4,1,42,2,1,4,5,61,66,27,3,7,14,1,7,1,2,4,0,3,0,0,27,16,0,1,14,0,3,2,20,12,0,1,4,10,55,17,34,53,1,25,0,2,0,1,49,9,0,6,14,203,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211370593824848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329114042230578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212370877033528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306705188316155,0.0,0.08599250365881682,0.0,0.0,0.11888094350626165,0.09817880104929988,0.0,0.08725101204600537,0.06370068010516829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308424436753612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343271667805105,0.0,0.0,0.13478443029520465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851090277714417,0.0,0.2641852712291736,0.07465300442792924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073447635039573,0.0,0.054595608504681606,0.0,0.0,0.08764750939745455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721839283031505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777622910494405,0.0,0.07004244296626941,0.0,0.0,0.10378955360203973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288214148260457,0.0,0.0,0.287145348642139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105217930273122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431303513362348,0.0,0.06975286423354025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496708112144927,0.3223795247645042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081018153242127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316056313371177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780518215827356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24430387127915276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837524864343593,0.17848051526684972,0.0,0.08310057232503551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924343127831294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848761689886544,0.0,0.0,0.08399109794429765,0.09133538365719793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669577512631908,0.0,0.0,0.1218666154827371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094691416403921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256975747889684,0.0,0.0,0.08622134619303065,0.12327061559049812,0.08294521770761408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073181990856526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lying_T-Rex,2020/01/08,"Family medicine MD here for advice Hi y’all! 

I’m a relatively new family doctor and have a question I’m hoping some of you can help guide me in. 

For some background - I’m family medicine in a small town and I do a lot of mental health because, well. FM in a small town. 

I grew up with ADHD, which was untreated until high school, and as a result, developed OCD, anxiety and panic (that’s basically under control now fwiw). I’m really passionate about mental health in primary care - part of the reason I did family medicine instead of psych is wanting to be on the front line - we see everyone! 

The main reason I thought to post here is after listening to another parenting podcast to help with ADHD kids i thought something like maybe i should write a damn book with some actual practical advice since I actually have ADHD...
It occurred to me that I could probably find the perfect people to pick their brains about a patient who has me worried. 

I have a middle aged guy in his who is a recovering alcoholic with lots of pain from an injury. He’s kind of an asshole and abrasive. But lucky for him I’m fluent in sarcasm and asshole and we’ve actually made great progress. 

He has a crappy liver and has been labeled ‘noncompliant’ etc because he leaves the hospital because he doesn’t like lab draws, won’t get outpatient lab draws, won’t take the meds to make him poop, etc. I’ve been seeing him for a year now... and lord have mercy but I never thought I’d bond with a grumpy former alcoholic in his 50’s, but I have and I’ve  put a LOT of effort into this guy. Somewhere along the way it occurred to me that there must be some trauma with needles, or something, because what person in their right mind who is barfing up buckets of blood refuses a blood transfusion because the person didn’t get the IV on the first try?!
So I pulled strings and got him a port (a doodad that sits under your skin and is easy to find, and helps with getting labs and/or giving meds) which is what helped him turn around from almost dying to moderately living. He has stayed sober, his wife comes to every visit and makes up for his gruffness by hugging and giving me chocolates and thanking me for taking time with him. (I promise they aren’t borderline... just grateful to be treated like people and his wife knows he’s an asshole too And that makes it harder for him to get care)

His labs are finally in a good place, pain is so/so,  he’s still sober, and on the transplant list. 

We’ve danced around his diagnosis of ‘bipolar’ and at the time he was too close to dying to be able to do anything other than live. 
Last visit before he left I said something like ‘at some point we are going to have to address the elephant in the room and talk about your mental health. I feel like we’ve made so much progress and If there’s something like PTSD, depression or anxiety that we are ignoring, it’s going to make it harder to get your pain under control. I’d be a terrible doctor if I let us continue ignoring it.’

His whole demeanor changed. He went from laughing and relaxed to rigid and blank face. 
He said something I’ll never forget “Doc, I can’t. I can’t ever tell you. I did something awful. I know I have PTSD... I get flashbacks that bring me to my knees. I can’t tell you. It would change what you thought of me and I can’t risk that” 
The look on his face was heartbreaking. I don’t think I handled this well - I said something like ‘what you did in the past isn’t necessarily who you are today. No matter what, I want you to know that I’m comfortable taking care of who you are today’ 

Y’all. Did I mention I have a little anxiety? I do. I’m nervous about what this guy is going to say and I’ve been replaying this in my head. 

I’m worried that my response ‘who you are today’ was wrong way to go because, well...what if he is still that person? I have no idea what happened. It’s not related to his injury - he’s discussed that. 

Any advice? Or words of wisdom? I don’t want to make things worse. I’ve tried asking just about symptoms and/or offering him a therapist, but he won’t go again - he ‘already did that’
all of the training I’ve had has been “you can’t ignore the trauma” and I really think this is holding him back...  but maybe like the ADHD advice of ‘buy a planner’ that we learn in need school, maybe we have it all wrong. 



Thanks for taking the time to read through all this. 

:)",3.0945593948067898,4.887803568312286,4.168913388798892,86.42486497963293,74.74052812858784,6.976965541103755,25.36434267021059,7.761479429416614,1.3568480600160415,3432,117,685,48,73,1115,348,871,0.10300000000000001,0.768,0.129,0.966,2,0,9,0,0,0,100.0,6,15,3,8,27,47,1,4,45,1,73,25,10,13,8,125,139,42,2,12,14,3,2,8,0,6,13,5,2,7,45,46,2,8,17,4,1,15,19,18,2,1,26,10,88,29,101,100,17,87,1,2,3,2,98,41,1,18,34,433,133,8,0.04784811287084895,0.0,0.14007856796606336,0.0,0.2300165334929491,0.1870264884965829,0.0,0.10227016223723694,0.04791297339457095,0.0,0.05280158237168141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03253835753388134,0.05017291829890076,0.10981102614046588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03937491996927404,0.08518992968815386,0.044731526513791614,0.0,0.0,0.036792245309937535,0.0,0.1750065929756537,0.0,0.04071521987305733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053414318284876285,0.0,0.0,0.1463530199441644,0.0,0.10123391796800643,0.04121691247677945,0.0,0.0,0.1073314543845528,0.03820282469099325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121150950313559,0.0,0.09931757383431246,0.0,0.0,0.09794914204291418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672658785684502,0.0,0.04328135744784226,0.04031409876587658,0.04572092233392599,0.0,0.0,0.18042776976657016,0.0,0.024193443542431664,0.034182701395439496,0.0,0.05241526885273498,0.08746461664460674,0.04069958036472432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499919847019302,0.09180053966600944,0.13596592602348634,0.04013272693772911,0.038268506871113606,0.05275271335878826,0.0,0.1421314632351893,0.042311928190872296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049105967986388464,0.1525809195092482,0.0,0.0,0.12828632584959188,0.050554158291741716,0.0,0.0475239723562576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401469533887279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982644648900311,0.07888821449268925,0.03900259819229563,0.0,0.05066424280813105,0.05198711463586615,0.04892793721927286,0.0,0.18700936837728327,0.04795637924686731,0.08450152056604933,0.0,0.040180363956350613,0.0,0.0,0.12203626349426187,0.0,0.09055008263473292,0.15969493443988614,0.0,0.1442095818067584,0.0,0.10629693362920414,0.0,0.14465893133268934,0.0,0.04831295403583581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03517386843450265,0.03547876941249775,0.07380682877718182,0.0462120055711293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527412969121253,0.056139451002099904,0.05312966690068506,0.051814843474568856,0.04567643786204882,0.06634371365076717,0.12533737971322834,0.04999109399834261,0.0,0.04523193253980407,0.0,0.045825265690238884,0.0,0.05158835843550488,0.0,0.1118637668460788,0.04810056917265638,0.05360083697040865,0.0,0.04786106124972702,0.0,0.06130545265203765,0.09839165824635604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086202695405795,0.13654353734331992,0.038050739837526,0.0,0.09684968942825856,0.07625750208401945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03958045341552156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578507045468982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099972192633018,0.07642312949317412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973250998801766,0.14390330443103655,0.03845850067128608,0.0836427192801329,0.08810422746954698,0.0,0.055555346936032965,0.031788160083301126,0.06131827741104218,0.0,0.1519442277335278,0.08370185819796877,0.0,0.13606324880572904,0.0,0.0,0.06497145561337724,0.05204500687199168,0.0,0.0,0.057555388400881986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466617001925171,0.07595920970109947,0.0,0.0,0.12906359939472087,0.04435568000100679,0.0,0.053420709265681855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971841624460342,0.04876131479403868,0.033989926554026245,0.1046288002033541,0.0,0.030812615926824168
ptsd,pumpkinsoupxo,2020/01/08,"Trigger warnings for the Netflix series ""You"" I'm currently watching ""You"" on Netflix, I'm 2 episodes in and can't find any trigger warnings online, but just wanted to check, if anyone has watched it all the way through, is there any sensitive material to do with assault that Netflix didn't flag?
Just wait to avoid being traumatised just incase 🙃 they have a warning for blood and gore which is fine for me, but incase there was anything else.

Thanks!",7.267857142857146,7.777406261904763,6.554857142857145,77.99014285714289,63.76190476190475,8.624761904761906,38.22857142857143,8.238735603445708,3.2211028571428577,362,18,62,4,5,111,63,84,0.204,0.732,0.064,-0.9208,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,0,5,4,1,1,3,0,9,1,1,2,1,16,14,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,4,2,10,11,1,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,40,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5386817247256505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769410246157004,0.0,0.3259314760724632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308652699794097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620003752304059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646476098209445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336120707403825,0.3143815575815325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,smolderbyboi,2020/01/08,"Sports injury and returning to sports, how to handle unavoidable triggers? So, I play roller derby, a full contact sport. I had a nasty knee injury (completely torn ACL) that required surgery. I had as smooth a recovery physically as possible. Mentally, not so much. I have not been diagnosed with PTSD or seen a therapist, etc., because I am a broke grad student, but if I make a weird contact with someone or take a weird fall (even if I’m completely uninjured), it’s incredibly triggering and I end up having a panic attack or sometimes I’m back in the moment of my original injury. When people watch sports or anything, and anything at all weird happens with someone’s leg, it’s like I can’t breathe.


Back in December, after I had finally been starting to get back to a good headspace, I comparatively mildly re-injured that same knee, and yesterday was my first day back in roller skates since. I was so anxious, I was nauseated that whole practice and I cried for hours after. I love my sport but I can’t keep this up. The mental toll is getting to be too much.


I guess I’m on here to ask, those of you who have PTSD/PTSD symptoms from sports injuries, and returned to your sport, how do you cope? How do you deal with unavoidable triggers? I could really use some advice",4.18277777777778,6.154521958847737,4.978952674897119,81.00645370370374,72.20987654320987,8.316790123456789,30.256995884773666,8.982922981607832,2.674216625514404,1008,44,186,21,20,326,142,243,0.146,0.7809999999999999,0.073,-0.9276,0,2,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,4,0,2,14,10,1,1,11,0,19,7,4,9,1,36,34,23,0,3,10,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,10,0,2,0,10,0,1,4,6,0,1,9,3,24,4,26,23,8,27,0,1,2,1,10,8,0,8,19,127,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746141398665312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579567681415491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197834384311257,0.0,0.11237399357337398,0.1367487703243027,0.0,0.36971611391211306,0.0,0.07327490358237873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520620474751103,0.0,0.0,0.09597266873927926,0.0,0.1320378385691485,0.0775212769940714,0.12392447232378595,0.0,0.12200396507771352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064645728326463,0.0,0.13405861405417802,0.0793932408882981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316769970590624,0.0,0.10224498779254552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560267622251856,0.0,0.0,0.1008209455492618,0.0,0.0,0.13241764507515064,0.0,0.10629550827272033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837617888992515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684234376189207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872533087404873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848830098153156,0.0,0.08023673205480783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242273598165696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767267237880125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103284188563625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333393282617414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355113218555997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215341794599468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700540400972908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943353076438603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369597551884813,0.0,0.11888427939861045,0.0,0.0850806161240074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493740306533395,0.090378030148014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395654627979552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381718126603244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420285216190733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,chasittya,2020/01/08,"Dissociation I almost crashed my car this morning. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD for two years and I’m still trying to work out driving while being in a dissociative state. I have blackout periods where I can’t remember anything. 

I’ve tried chewing gum. Blasting music. Talking on the phone. But I just cant ground myself back in. Does anyone have any suggestions? 

I’m trying to fix this issue before I separate from the military and have to drive 26 hours from Virginia to Texas.",3.8753333333333337,6.589158977777778,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,75.8888888888889,7.555555555555558,28.88888888888889,8.515128840125781,2.6052222222222228,388,17,65,8,9,126,68,90,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,8,9,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,7,0,12,7,0,16,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,6,40,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374587372749169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126148609826704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581190391728926,0.0,0.1951437807711631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234393513546185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017863641921732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406893533419332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752043680525412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335324588012894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475097161284681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772007969880603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686303176106923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893781427276529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060196769013132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830019527846929,0.0,0.23164867078855456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263876832198494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270863717570332
ptsd,MoonBoobies420,2020/01/08,"Discovered that my kids age is a possible trigger? I was abused/neglected from birth until 3, when my grandmother adopted me and removed me from my abusive home. Then i started being sexually abused by an uncle around the age of 5 or so. I don't remember alot other than I was terrified of this man and him always touching my crotch and straight up making out with me. So recently i feel repulsed around my own two kids. I can't stand to see them naked or kissing them even the eye contact drives me fucking wild. It's been about a year of me being completely shut down. I look for anyway i can to get away from them and be alone and it's starting to affect them as well. Idk if I need advice. Just wanted to share my horrible realization to someone who will actually understand. Anyway, this shit sucks.  If i could be anything I wanted it would be a good mom, but even that seems impossible with this diagnosis.",3.6608614232209753,5.621684337078655,4.881820224719103,81.19819850187267,73.6067415730337,8.117453183520599,28.158801498127346,8.841846274778883,2.3360167790262176,724,29,137,15,15,239,119,178,0.11,0.8390000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.8363,0,1,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,4,0,12,7,3,0,7,0,15,5,3,3,0,29,29,16,0,7,6,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,10,10,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,1,1,3,5,27,4,25,18,2,21,0,0,3,2,12,8,3,6,10,106,37,0,0.0,0.3865021059027399,0.15916555090675075,0.0,0.0,0.1593829154663703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892610328293506,0.0,0.0,0.1357152315557053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422033619740575,0.2903935046039456,0.0,0.0,0.15324116781828506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101098412441484,0.0,0.0,0.13022492433551494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21545673207268945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247006288703837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078661709506774,0.0852148805606846,0.0,0.0,0.13680353144346968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360617377002368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696591543459422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088728957736057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910249233783344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093922634335913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838747621282789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104509290903762,0.0,0.1847645433538256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299724237570326,0.14848335931102727,0.0,0.0,0.16742346502103672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819712084620994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230891084778874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932848256835916,0.16979656272254298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240541633097827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664969236868364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586409249762455,0.0,0.0,0.10503334792926894
ptsd,8900_maltic56,2020/01/08,"This piece of music reminds of the pain I went through... I first listened to Lakey Inspired (a hip-hop artist I discovered) during March. I went through horrid experiences early this year, and his tracks soothe me.  
   
 I suffered too much this January through March, and even worse in Spring.  
   
 My mother was suffering from delusional disorder. She believed that she was facing persecution from dark spiritual forces manifested in evil-minded people, despite there was none. She raged about it, and caused trouble. I went to the doctor to get help. He gave her Risperidone and Lithium to ease her anger and delusions. They seemed to calm her down, but she went back again.  
   
 She was so angry that she became alcoholic. That seemed to calm her down, but my doctor warned that could bring dangers.  
 He urged me not to have her drink alcohol.  
   
 I tried that for months. I tried telling her. I tried pouring the alcohol out into the sink. Nothing worked. There were times she never took her pills properly. I tried to force her for months, but it doesn't work. She was spiraling out of control and I couldn't stop it.  
   
 But my mind pushed me to push harder or else everything is over.  
   
 I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I have been taking pills properly, but this situation scared me beyond limits.  
   
 From what I've learned from websites, you just worry about yourself if someone is not willing to receive help. But I can't. She might end up homeless if she spirals down the path. I feel like I have to do better in order to survive. Without her, I feel like I can't survive. I can get a job, who on earth is going to take care of her? There's a possibility that I can't get a job. Or won't make enough money. My father is exhausted, and cannot pay for her hospital bills if she gets admitted into one. And since I am an undergraduate from a college, I can't pay for our living expenses and her expenses.  
   
 But she recovered this July. We went to a different doctor and she took different pills such as Risperidone and Depakote.  
   
 But I loathe the memories of going through the park in winter, seeing dead plants and lifelessness. Add that with no people. Worrying about whether she would commit suicide, or commit harm. If that happens, my family would reject me and lose financial support. It's hard to get a job in South Korea. Although I'm an American, I came to South Korea for family support on finances and affordable healthcare. The taxes and healthcare costs are too high in US. So I'm stuck...   
   
 I tried to listen to music. Nothing cheers me up. But there's one particular piece of music that led me to more misery and longing.   
   
 I suffered from her for 10 years. It can fuck a person up.  And after a few months later, his tracks bring me only pain. I have no criticism towards his music though.  
   
 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?time\_continue=189&v=B7ArnZl\_zBU&feature=emb\_title](https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=189&v=B7ArnZl_zBU&feature=emb_title)  
 

When I looked at this track that Lakey Inspired released this July, it depicted him sitting in a flower field. This remembered the Spring of this year, walking alone in the park, flowers blooming, and enjoying none of it due to my pain. I was terrified. I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. And looking after my mother without assistance for 6 months (I had help in the past) can terrify anyone without the money to treat the person. I don't have enough money to hospitalize her. The doctors gave up on me (Thankfully, one of the doctors from the best hospitals helped us eventually). So I didn't know what would I do. I did make some wrong choices (such as going to a crazy pastor- I left her months ago) to get help.

Plus, my future is uncertain. Although my father will take care of my mother after two years, but I cannot move away from them because there are no job opportunities. I major in Computer science, and it doesn't mean shit. Jobs are competitive in  South Korea, it sucks! Can't go back to US, because it's in a similar situation. Don't know what to do...",4.974910508847304,7.629218916780356,4.952023375618499,79.0449217079677,71.97407912687584,7.4320539186740255,27.72065321414755,8.351877782099677,2.1508618395064243,3258,123,551,56,67,1011,322,733,0.19399999999999998,0.698,0.10800000000000001,-0.9976,12,1,4,0,0,2,145.0,5,1,2,11,25,39,6,2,30,0,51,21,2,5,3,86,102,50,2,9,24,5,3,2,0,7,17,2,0,2,33,31,4,3,12,2,11,20,25,22,0,5,22,8,98,17,101,71,12,91,1,7,3,1,63,36,3,12,35,396,131,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04867989798173947,0.17606615064197018,0.0,0.056876621499111886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23800671968820394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383986840122444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051595577774527175,0.08445433628587283,0.0,0.06695281179907878,0.0,0.0,0.06187175201257974,0.05763116400028818,0.048568916317676826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280950313240549,0.11198145205777052,0.056414064920691814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159318809089166,0.04384611725031014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147514816850375,0.18881616927545775,0.281045289276307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053796969334208966,0.0,0.0,0.04587543853495595,0.0,0.048639453343802576,0.11348622956739507,0.0,0.036271632274050884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049355139680507004,0.053718581342285056,0.10354021217522848,0.0,0.05553456168911563,0.0784642887241861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671169179620488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076914213360688,0.17214868798426974,0.0,0.12484056836516146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856221443177936,0.0,0.04919412869611217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404585689375805,0.05802198057027533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724792747158941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036101484278556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059666612148889166,0.0,0.0,0.0536585629407003,0.0,0.04849201084654354,0.04859910902338399,0.09223155426020824,0.06143718095124982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331398006684714,0.0,0.0,0.059819841202374976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058257410027205324,0.11089941461127206,0.0,0.2191679351551504,0.05836722986793379,0.040369725851444334,0.0,0.04235475903436056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538715028986224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163791539835116,0.041766244835125615,0.17530412652843438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052423726943627416,0.07614395718331132,0.09590141551406438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061909764361834076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220934949994428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498069656174789,0.0,0.04376110149755466,0.09998729222214964,0.0,0.0,0.05637069029007352,0.045427248254932,0.12345621974116833,0.0,0.0,0.046530318179848464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045912402312590944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600694097074441,0.1246365062944646,0.0,0.0,0.1238704443289084,0.0,0.047999179463241566,0.05055945887672154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053954887825564464,0.0,0.06404415586721812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202783799811495,0.1864224755492414,0.0,0.05364514791352476,0.0,0.1981722813921014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25453933861857786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881177177501618,0.0,0.07995929552037126,0.11154013390236604,0.05596429957816073,0.11703267889784802,0.06004224397780077,0.0,0.1414569296007918
ptsd,cudam221,2020/01/08,Advice? Does anyone else ever just kinda get paralyzed almost like sleep paralysis but ur awake. And lol u see and feel and hear is flashbacks of ur trauma. Idk what to do to bring myself back to reality besides mess with my popsocket which isn’t much help. I’ve thought about a service dog because I feel like I could benefit from it I’ve done years of research but everyone tells me I shouldn’t can’t or don’t need one. So any advice on what I can do to help myself.,1.6703125000000014,3.962858739583337,3.2727499999999985,88.69725000000004,81.39583333333334,6.34,22.1,7.554174236665415,0.9719949999999996,373,12,76,6,10,123,70,96,0.083,0.73,0.187,0.8925,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,10,1,1,0,1,17,18,7,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,4,8,3,10,14,1,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,3,5,45,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032529065734628,0.0,0.0,0.20661293423461494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031367809061884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427299830082094,0.2114127868438307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586575247159949,0.0,0.12577882747027874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164740301973225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805636080357934,0.21115054102151595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236494520730478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664022761253168,0.0,0.19716025222504316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865657066934226,0.14740450727647156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078006013657629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325525563657033,0.0,0.2766016417691735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016079967089388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516786717824189,0.15299348239114036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981674279460196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442087754844728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648225054822164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034434552321746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638055442390577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328718411119678
ptsd,godwashere777,2020/01/08,Life with ptsd sucks pretty hard I really hate having ptsd and I don't feel like I can say I have PTSD because I haven't served in the military I've witnessed abuse throughout my childhood but I dont think that's why I have PTSD but jesus being homeless when I was 16 really messed with me and I don't know how to Express what it put me through afterwards because in the moments of being homeless yeah it sucked it was hard whatever it was hell after I was homeless because It felt like i was still there because everynow and then I'd look up or around me and everything was like it was when I was homeless for a split second I felt that dread and I hate and hated it,2.078456004427228,4.105422589928061,3.2663309352517977,90.6887825124516,78.49640287769785,6.003541781959047,24.36137244050913,7.010146845296331,0.909588378527947,536,19,111,6,13,173,76,139,0.302,0.6659999999999999,0.032,-0.9911,0,0,0,0,1,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,6,1,3,1,18,1,0,1,0,18,29,13,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,10,7,18,3,11,17,0,13,2,0,1,0,2,4,3,1,11,76,28,0,0.0,0.15496491757004818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643094517873576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189137981802104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328505876110726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754573581211325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661314197367016,0.09343649529474707,0.2511580716411656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23432453408714166,0.3873845286331055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187883521342141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238093702903838,0.19169235375428328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983076920449772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306058252296604,0.0,0.0,0.6115466535924984,0.131480205533878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675750132208299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400956122985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444916709027993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380503448980227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801774958747173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Paper182186902,2020/01/08,"PTSD or trauma stemming from harrassment? Hi. I don't know if this is the right subreddit to post in, but just looking for some advice and opinions.

So, last year I spent four months in a psych ward. Most people on the ward were nice and friendly, other than this one lad, who I will refer to as S. 

S was admitted not long after me. At first, I spoke a bit to him because he seemed alright and I was trying to get to know the ward because he'd been there in the past. S was schizophrenic, psychotic and talked a lot about wanting to hurt people.  I quickly realised how uncomfortable I'd feel around him since he'd often speak to people that weren't there, start throwing things around and talking about wanting to hurt or kill people. 

I stayed out of his way best I could but he genuinely would never leave me alone, and I couldn't really escape him because the ward was mixed genders and I was locked out of my bedroom until 6pm every day to stop me napping and isolating myself.

Whenever I had to do group activities (forced to attend or I wouldn't get overnight leave), he'd always sit right next to me when he could and would try speaking to me, but most of the time he'd just say my name over and over, literally for like an hour straight, try to get my attention etc. I'd never speak to him and always acted like he wasn't there but this just frustrated him and he's try harder. Staff would see that he wasn't leaving me alone and I was obviously uncomfortable, but they couldn't exactly do anything because he wasn't really doing anything wrong and he was mentally ill. 

One time I was eating dinner alone at a table because I didn't really speak much to the other patients cos I was so shy, and S immediately came over to my table, sat right next to me and tried saying my name multiple times, asking me why I was ignoring him and tried to get my attention by shoving his hands in my face. He even grabbed my wrist and tried pulling me towards him but a nurse saw this and made him move, thankfully. 

I was trying to go back to my room one time, and he cornered me at the door (it was locked), telling me he loved me about yelling why wouldn't I speak to him. 

One other time I was sat in the thin corridor outside my bedroom (he wasn't even allowed to be in this corridor because it was the girls' bedrooms down there) and I was just chilling by a table on my own, no staff around, and he came over to me, got real close and kept trying to speak to me, calling out my name loads and rambling incoherently about hurting people. I genuinely was afraid that he was going to do something to me there but was scared to leave the corridor because I had to walk close to him to get past. Thankfully after about 10/15 minutes, I plucked up the courage to run past him and he didn't follow me, but I could still hear him rambling back in the corridor.

When I was coming back onto the ward from being on leave, he'd bang on the doors trying to get to me, and the nurse had to take me through this secret entrance kind of thing because he just wouldn't stop.

Honeslty, I feel stupid even just typing this out because it's not exactly ""traumatising"" is it? It was just some mentally unstable lad who had an obsession with me.  It's a bit scary to think about it all and my heart races.

Last night he was in my nightmare - it was so vivid and frightening and I was close to tears when I woke. In the nightmare, he kept trying to attack me and staple me to the ground and nobody could stop him from attacking me it was so horrible. I have nightmares pretty much every night anyway, but the one with S in was just horrible.

Was I ""harrassed""? Or am I just overreacting and being stupid here? I don't know what to think to be honest, just needed to type it out I guess and hear what others have to say about it.

Sorry about the long post, I don't blame you if you don't read it all.",5.839037810713034,5.519075109114251,6.129150134204693,82.65333309020892,66.84338896020539,9.23842922161279,30.02803711051465,8.710501217029153,2.0696801026957625,3046,96,633,42,44,978,291,779,0.142,0.78,0.078,-0.9959,2,3,1,0,1,0,74.0,0,2,1,2,45,27,6,3,29,1,74,9,4,4,7,133,119,58,1,17,27,0,5,2,1,7,2,13,6,1,32,49,2,6,13,2,1,13,21,15,0,7,51,22,95,12,104,46,14,100,0,3,4,1,70,44,0,15,40,435,127,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236541047698392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650250209323253,0.0,0.0,0.0891787402382278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819644161696798,0.14311359869349466,0.050097390289174655,0.12192779308903234,0.0,0.12361720803371445,0.0,0.29399981203783315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562371249186759,0.0,0.11700806962487525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471916925577861,0.12258041061670698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616117337796053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114209756320534,0.0,0.0,0.03455971925347146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054833731660635696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597645994089622,0.10618277544367537,0.0,0.09030012152202146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419123727917576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558178361090757,0.0,0.0,0.04140182706021313,0.0,0.1679845867890007,0.0,0.06091040116797726,0.0,0.042859085614148335,0.0,0.059033039901458514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207947654987926,0.06350184044978488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277322133183384,0.0,0.17210065156207954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928699782406675,0.05580348204107555,0.08835141518002677,0.08736247278879954,0.0,0.2837088898454976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236061702723386,0.0,0.0,0.09484709228051436,0.04500028351283196,0.0,0.0,0.04555845953390108,0.0483651117420909,0.050706103547244176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800786390264372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042773297264746615,0.05695538610366521,0.07878644670890292,0.03973469936666539,0.08266048121824647,0.0,0.11398253726372876,0.1005771027840382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815625134659856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346695136072155,0.18575528128751556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026446624700458,0.05451809161754317,0.0,0.0,0.0626413094261091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360233490673307,0.060994686140101,0.10298921457833736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729115046139062,0.0,0.1278455876423972,0.053650769584375736,0.0,0.04270256508240109,0.048784350798025386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04432840944894915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041254532122062114,0.0,0.059987192054188974,0.037929744209231016,0.057117500186250066,0.0427953128780352,0.13440548437422348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040291381536916825,0.08614374103561494,0.04683812826433215,0.09867295425983863,0.0,0.0,0.07120275056014012,0.06867383956533966,0.0,0.0,0.15623748263170106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002088331779999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321498496049636,0.042535527747750525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670936895824177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420177775192347,0.05858988333048961,0.0,0.03450880768490245
ptsd,soFreshandDefydef,2020/01/08,looking to talk to others I was up close and personal to suicide. I think it has triggered me. i have trouble sleeping at night. i want to sleep during the day. feeling blunted and numb. watching a TV show and starting crying during a scene and when this guys started singing true colors.,3.0438888888888864,5.846644129629631,3.4348148148148177,86.4666666666667,79.92592592592592,4.340740740740742,31.222222222222207,5.46131890053228,1.5692444444444442,229,12,38,1,6,71,43,54,0.214,0.691,0.094,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,3,3,2,1,1,10,9,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,1,6,8,0,8,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,5,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955058037920582,0.1734956245676719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602457949511693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26637206461445456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259090195877924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524570170368333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348978603867113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5384285040998995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808274374573548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942641824280903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622806082356336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723771336141844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867494781016828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RJMitchell82,2020/01/08,"Very long story... I have not been diagnosed with PTSD, but there seem to be a lot of elements that I share with a lot of you in this group.  This story may get a little long:

I got back from a deployment (Air Force deployment to Kuwait, non-combat).  When I came home, though, I didn't really seem to reconnect with my wife and daughter.  I tried.  My wife actually had a therapist there to help me transition back into the family life.  However, I started talking with another woman.  A woman whom I was told almost 4 years prior, that I should not talk to (Literally the only person my wife ever told me ""Do not talk to this woman"").  It carried on for over a year..  16 months, is our best guess.  Until I was inevitably caught by leaving my phone at home, and my wife saw the messages.  

As you may have guessed, things exploded.  My lies continued.  Not sure if I was trying to ""save face"" or if I just left out this little detail here, she wouldn't be as mad.  Finally, after almost three weeks of ongoing explosions, the whole truth came out.  At least as much of it as I could remember at that time.  (I did make a promise to expose anything else that I remembered, and I did).  As this whole truth came out, as my wife tried to process the information given to her, none of it made sense.  There was 16 months of an ongoing affair, that involved me trying to have sex with this woman.  

(Side note:  This woman is the polar opposite of my wife in every aspect.  Gross, terrible human being, just all around terrible person.)

One night, after a long conversation, my wife came running out of the shower with a ""revelation""...  ""You have PTSD!""  

No, I can't.  I've never been in combat.  I've never been physically abused, assaulted, or raped.  Those (in my head) were the only kinds of PTSD there were.  

More back tracking.  This is my third marriage.  My last one ended terribly.  Once I opened up more to my current wife, a lot of shit got brought to light.  My last wife (potentially) tired to kill me...  or at least, drugged me, and hoped I didn't realize what was going on.  She would continually have affairs, with multiple different partners.  She would then start fights with me about the affairs, and tell me that it was my fault that she was having them due to some other woman I was dating before she and I were even together.  Mental and emotional abuse.  Tack that on with being on a deployment, away from my loving family who cares about my well being.  And then being separated from my entire team (Only one from my base to be put on Day shift)...  I was isolated.  From everything.  

I know that PTSD is not an ""excuse"" to have an affair.  At any point, I could have stopped it, I know I should have.  But researching online, and reading other peoples stories, this seems like a standard PTSD timeline.  Now, the biggest question is why??  

Why did the isolation of my deployment drive me to another woman.  A woman who is vial and disgusting.  Unattractive, and just down right mean.  We had nothing in common.  We shared no similar interests.  

My wife and I had a deep connection.  Same interests.  Same ""geekdoms"".  Hell, we have a child together.  And that Child is the smartest, most beautiful soul I know.  She worships me.  She thinks I'm the best dad in the world.  Even though I basically ""abandoned"" her for 16 months.  

This is a lot to take in, and a lot to read..  and I'm only scratching the surface of everything.  This other woman was almost bit for bit a replica of my ex-wife.  Was this what I was trying to go back to?  Why would I leave my perfect family to go back to being miserable and manipulated?  How did I go from the abused to the abuser?  Any questions, just ask, I'm an open book.  But any help and support would be greatly appreciated. 

I am seeing a counselor for the affair, just so I have a professional to walk me through this all.  I have been referred to Mental Health office for the depression.  But have still not been sent to someone for the PTSD, yet.  I'm trying to see a civilian therapist for that, but have to work through tricare to get a referral.",3.3436424168632537,5.427705887451488,4.5054780838596775,83.0075756220988,74.86028460543338,7.8070846967506276,25.339186515485892,8.627809220192981,1.8808840423103264,3133,108,599,63,68,1026,330,773,0.132,0.748,0.121,-0.9302,4,1,1,0,5,1,155.0,4,3,1,5,30,37,8,1,47,0,74,11,3,4,9,120,119,41,1,12,21,12,1,1,1,9,5,0,3,15,39,41,0,2,15,4,0,15,15,16,1,5,43,5,85,21,107,56,23,98,3,3,3,3,77,40,2,25,44,444,124,7,0.0,0.2473733243986987,0.05093544233813467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156799264592789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064845316602275,0.10946341716894503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042952587139872406,0.046465210357575434,0.04879590338170714,0.0,0.04903954795978168,0.2006762329904224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441466880139041,0.0,0.10955226602251474,0.0,0.11396830108991167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387917549563584,0.05321696185660511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334798688147839,0.0,0.0,0.03366188761245152,0.0,0.044956052087989744,0.052977503982984384,0.0,0.054533363441930896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053040347871463,0.0,0.04360278274316903,0.05871310079293214,0.04622986906774353,0.0,0.0,0.06894949246448992,0.0472139696731093,0.043977101199392285,0.0,0.09382020102578943,0.0,0.14761629057403122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717780263715538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454016413002205,0.0,0.11865600316413633,0.0,0.08349128721414485,0.0575459078818755,0.11499882507781978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053567813488105055,0.05548155396224309,0.0,0.0,0.06997131161420178,0.0,0.10471302091126597,0.05184207524632278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057746772854149475,0.05435375580087951,0.08605612176355755,0.08509287124104828,0.0,0.11053535122306564,0.0567107456545961,0.0,0.03686734369024219,0.025500166722452703,0.10462754261449816,0.0,0.1385745701794346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218744506254276,0.04710862793430787,0.049388802795358684,0.034841013481058704,0.0,0.0,0.05685638378564072,0.0,0.0,0.1052019129347108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498625189455953,0.0,0.038369821453817114,0.0,0.08051303334821723,0.0,0.0,0.048982098284293785,0.0,0.050083150861971126,0.0,0.0,0.055586682594745855,0.10610740575930416,0.15878862918390074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03618590392045258,0.09115048747132687,0.0,0.0,0.04934177708645092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36608365403663,0.05247106255652602,0.11694218667812672,0.0,0.10441958513388047,0.0,0.03343788126097515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825503308368734,0.04457481500471857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318637868696188,0.14255092656557852,0.0,0.0,0.05357810279955515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04422521984221525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388872446421378,0.0,0.041683527631533566,0.0436379153460837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059231025134334175,0.049193799076149534,0.0,0.03924464626285591,0.1258587016284452,0.04562131416774067,0.0,0.0,0.12120638630975712,0.034676482315638316,0.03344487627936655,0.10256395696348633,0.0,0.030435713569475168,0.059991241702949324,0.0,0.09975039452503057,0.0,0.21262459283845933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306689220687136,0.0,0.0,0.041868216217141735,0.0,0.04693017369020056,0.0,0.14129541468785692,0.11654919789543865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0379990677169768,0.0,0.0,0.14831321900630573,0.0,0.0,0.06722459736487621
ptsd,CerberusF,2020/01/08,"Can you develop PTS from moving to a different country? (It wasn't forced, we just wanted better) So my family moved to the US when I was 12, we are from Mexico, and we came here legally too. The only struggles we had was the language and getting used to a new environment, everything else was fine, we were doing fine.

I am 21 now, and I hate remembering my first years here, when we first came in my dad's appartment smelled line lavender, and smelling that now days makes me feel anxious and weird. I have nightmares about middle school and the path I had to walk to get there.

Every time I remember something is like a domino effect, I start remembering every single day, like it was happening right before my eyes, nothing terrible ever happened, but I hate remembering those days.",7.6868877551020445,7.46837342857143,7.710943877551024,72.50682397959186,63.01360544217687,10.887414965986398,34.701530612244895,10.411451182825502,3.5791367346938783,622,24,110,13,8,201,99,147,0.083,0.841,0.076,-0.6102,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,7,1,0,4,12,10,2,1,7,0,14,1,1,3,1,26,27,10,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,14,0,0,6,0,0,5,1,5,0,2,10,4,21,5,9,17,1,22,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,16,76,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875526092549498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451350073006667,0.0,0.0,0.10862714331768146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28095405109926186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376324181065989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832410718602075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260302708636823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110062029203692,0.20696769433818302,0.0,0.11038557657889013,0.0,0.1157867862805105,0.0,0.062103102653462076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089467101208909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834011009089344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722430833751,0.0,0.0,0.242524972686704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200104274234935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198544278630078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26108325754892503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862341633066065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785217734220264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934125816987876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565389912865502,0.1048903456056482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430364023976663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455530347455243,0.0,0.0,0.08693489636010245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128401481190226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161919830107713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774119227182148,0.1060798135336234,0.0,0.0,0.07244430829312998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909411682422003
ptsd,KingOfKorners,2020/01/08,"Iraq 2003 and Iran 2020 The news of the attack this evening is overwhelming me with depression and anxiety. I was in Baghdad back in 03 and i was lucky to get out of the Army with only one tour. Diagnosed with depression a year out and PTSD four years later.

Its been 17 years since we drove from Kuwait to Baghdad, but this attack by Iran has all of my senses heightened. I see the shrinks at VA and its helped me understand what threats are worth being concerned about and which one's arent while being state side. I am so worried that the last 11 weeks of my visits with the VA shrink will have been all for nothing. I am so tired of being so overly aware and cautious of things most people dont give a 2nd thought to. Its no way to live.",4.4704000000000015,5.197328573333337,4.419999999999998,90.09000000000003,69.93333333333334,7.6,26.333333333333336,7.554174236665415,1.1301333333333337,586,17,126,6,10,180,99,150,0.18100000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.026000000000000002,-0.975,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,6,7,3,1,8,0,16,2,0,0,2,22,22,12,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,14,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,6,0,3,6,1,10,1,24,12,3,19,0,3,1,0,4,7,0,2,8,88,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681836128176858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069312277328862,0.0,0.13752320385596029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30808333521742226,0.1815271288349236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096087244137995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812753018454855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344078765855313,0.17156746243978027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987815905992286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578512990786224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792621163847026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160964363100215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423842985857444,0.13602209324850814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399080268269985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906394108969675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251883673180374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794505521259665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881877777546113,0.0,0.0,0.1419854702350175,0.0,0.20555966292930766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618725342471887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196135343825356,0.14346121481636068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816289991416592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455170750583835
ptsd,Sushisavage,2020/01/08,"I have this thing with cutting people off... I often cut people off. I will be someone's friend for a while and when I feel overwhelmed I cut the friendship off like it's nothing. I have a feeling that it has to do with me in the past always ending up in abusive and toxic situations and staying in them too long. Now when I feel overwhelmed or drained I will just leave people and never look back. In fact, I usually purposely ghost them because no one likes getting ghosted... so when you ghost someone the other person thinks you're a jerk (so you burned the bridge essentially.)

Anyone relate to this or have any tips on dealing with this? I just blocked two people everywhere. I just want to feel better  but I can't seem to stay close to most people without feeling extremely overwhelmed and wanting to run and hide.",3.7371428571428567,5.9790745477707015,4.1160555050045495,85.52638535031849,74.22292993630573,6.014376706096451,27.77479526842584,6.868970318607317,1.4297101000909918,652,26,118,6,14,204,96,157,0.15,0.7559999999999999,0.094,-0.6641,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,2,1,12,11,4,3,7,0,9,0,0,0,2,31,20,15,3,2,7,0,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,7,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,0,6,17,4,20,17,1,24,0,3,1,0,7,10,0,5,13,88,25,0,0.0,0.17105579779312335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012807615739862,0.0,0.0,0.09817709897940873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094742456318496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110122385774138,0.0,0.08800710352762921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768424601559022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883996200888894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786968286862066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649910876485965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154052683091738,0.0,0.0754277876137714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528678383877033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106456702781808,0.0,0.0,0.12776362050354825,0.12123511658705245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113476660072414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852768236044924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978293947041926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781827052394124,0.5004426955917068,0.12605901943178102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142975987997435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227883519658595,0.0,0.0,0.2446498313777343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30776014076739905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591354866704213,0.09250698324834328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102929987013674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590040466009732,0.0,0.17030728416520238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916830540244646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jayocaine2,2020/01/08,"PTSD or complex grieving. I still have no idea. When I was in highschool my best friend in the world lived with me, one day after final exams we had found that he hung himself behind my house (I luckily didn't see) For years I'd have to walk past the tree every day. After that in the following years more and more of my friends would kill themselves, or die in accidents and one was murdered. It was so bad that they were looking into a possible suicide pact (of course it wasn't, this was just a knee-jerk reaction to an alarming amount of suicides) If i can recall and remember everyone that would be about 10 friends and a few acquaintances and even more people I knew of, but didn't know well in the span of 8 years who had died. Recently, a few months ago, my OTHER best friend in the entire world killed himself (he was pretty much my last friend from high school). I'm in canada so it's extremely hard for me to get officially diagnosed. I've tried for years. But the councilors seem to think it's possible I have ptsd. **I AM NOT ASKING FOR A DIAGNOSIS**, but I just want to know, is it possible to get ptsd even though someone didn't see any of the bodies? I mean people have friends die all the time due to suicide and they don't get ptsd? As a result of all this, im very spacey, tired, I sleep forever, I'm dizzy, anxious, depersonalized, I don't enjoy the things I used to anymore, I used to be so excited and extroverted, now i'm really quiet and monotone. Are those symptoms of PTSD? Because to me that sounds like depression. But I don't know enough about PTSD, so i'm also curious on other peoples experiences with symptoms if they're similar.",3.103038961038962,4.9587158969697,4.239155844155846,85.66159090909092,74.87878787878788,7.6233766233766245,26.028138528138534,8.418075326091056,1.7340865800865806,1306,47,264,24,28,426,175,330,0.177,0.6970000000000001,0.126,-0.9585,0,0,0,0,0,3,44.0,1,0,2,2,16,19,3,1,16,0,27,6,2,3,2,42,50,24,10,5,11,0,1,1,6,2,4,2,0,0,17,12,0,0,11,0,0,2,9,7,1,2,14,6,27,12,40,32,12,34,0,2,3,0,15,13,0,5,20,172,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511649968279906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058744710347874235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995427726208698,0.0,0.0,0.08298715975806244,0.07285106141165568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867375144856598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133475244706791,0.04477960029736112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541802603510719,0.0,0.0,0.08159579796081859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474926963043684,0.0,0.06326967087890367,0.07455879876704521,0.2287148766721367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759022341665483,0.0,0.09703725066777316,0.0,0.06189192755733833,0.07019271420104906,0.0,0.0718564773132322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047016111092635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054341862014341,0.3405229810939636,0.0,0.11513705298567907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580435864589501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761290462886672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476120938982107,0.0,0.08292566901619346,0.07934775101433601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254182220671154,0.0,0.12111255878159592,0.059878455819748926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03588809695141757,0.0,0.06486517309653593,0.0,0.06168661216157206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001780677808135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863384835097025,0.0,0.05400042624547685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955471812138918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012441973843841,0.1527805573555452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484401561158828,0.0,0.07473367078768424,0.0,0.0,0.5152141086523891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04705937563487594,0.0,0.07253137508906816,0.0,0.08321412441126708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434389141198203,0.11707377664815034,0.06687383039206295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351151886221705,0.0,0.06224112158442069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058664027463020615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410549237158205,0.0,0.0,0.1527029500671049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880254207051893,0.04706922019397,0.07217257187549443,0.0,0.04283422344863165,0.08442970282918562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049873477855365986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688906170623995,0.0,0.060610929322104004,0.04332770769039479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604798477093203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436557613147973,0.0,0.0,0.18921937993655893
ptsd,beaniebuni,2020/01/08,"I’m having to relive my traumas for a court case and it’s really taking a toll on me. TW : Sexual Assault About a year and a half ago now I was raped. There’s a court trial tommorrow and I had to go to a meeting today. They need me to remember everything even though I went through months of therapy to forget everything. Every memory from it is coming back and I can’t handle it. I don’t want to have to be strong anymore. I feel like nobody is comfortable enough for me to talk to them about it. I can barely even get out of bed. It’s really difficult for me to get up and take care of myself. I know it’s gross to not be showering but it’s so hard to care. I just want to lay in bed and sleep all day so I’m not crying my eyes out all day when I’m awake. I’m feeling everything I did when it first happened, it feels like my body isn’t mine anymore. I want to restart and just forget everything. I feel disgusting in my own body.",0.8951453260015718,2.6693122039800983,3.329819324430481,90.03169677926161,81.18905472636816,7.216653574234092,20.529196124639963,8.20500826718156,0.9440487562189052,727,20,165,15,19,252,107,201,0.111,0.762,0.127,0.314,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,2,14,12,3,0,6,0,13,5,4,0,2,29,36,13,0,4,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,9,10,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,6,0,2,4,6,24,6,30,30,4,20,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,0,13,110,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333754946335245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535996503627276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831416984260373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840406911438722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607175423074313,0.0,0.0,0.11013751673740148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044495220268788,0.16491442392737887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211049827825058,0.0,0.16889673509664482,0.0,0.10772506868585616,0.0,0.4596386448392677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585934397285207,0.18268218655100887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875513094655977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360005018079008,0.0,0.07266410098798409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306355617828785,0.0,0.11453479209207887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026688416611496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492898061752924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205426765990966,0.0,0.0,0.09480437337932064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638169846264368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483709946717055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794937451733973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226516068215527,0.1027666437597778,0.0,0.0,0.14621566545420078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256188903685339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119352180272068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262401804802928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852475488701195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233574031717203
ptsd,BadJuJuForYou,2020/01/08,"My original trauma has given me the honorable opportunity of having two separate traumas that qualify for 2 additional ptsd diagnoses They say that once you’ve got a ptsd diagnosis, being extra prone to trauma is short to follow. The first piece of shit that raped me almost 4.5 years ago has indirectly kept fucking me over since. Near death vehicular incidents, those wouldn’t have probably been as much of an issue if not for the first rape. But, as it turned out, despite not being able to breathe for 4 years, barely surviving, lighting almost all relationships and myself on fire from my psychotic disorder, my anxiety disorders, my physical body also falling apart with GERD and whatever the hell this stomach crap is, there was at least one more trauma that would’ve stood alone. I’m 31 years old and my mom is running the clock out on her stage IV cancer and I, the mentally fucked daughter, am so devastated and stressed and deeply sad, that I have ptsd from her journey through recovery. Well, nothing has happened yet, except a surgery that didn’t go as planned but made things way worse, and learning she’s only got one option left before it’s too late which isn’t even supposed to be used with her cancer, but whatever! 


I go thru periods of insane bawling, insane dissociation, and inappropriately directed anger that I don’t voice outside of therapy. This is a normal part of almost everyone’s lives, but I’m losing my shit. My therapist keeps saying I’m doing the best I can, I’m doing great, but I’m really losing it. I quit losing weight, quit sobriety, quit every single healthy thing I started doing. I can’t fucking function. Every time cancer or heath insurance comes up, I dissociate. Every time death comes up, I get all ragey, antagonistic, then I isolate myself like a caged monster, because I am when I’m angry, a monster.",9.127764705882347,8.383652247058826,9.181176470588236,64.8602941176471,60.352941176470594,12.235294117647054,38.52941176470589,11.442366930564873,4.584,1484,63,243,36,17,489,211,340,0.261,0.67,0.069,-0.9971,0,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,1,13,8,25,10,1,13,0,26,17,6,3,2,40,52,22,2,3,10,2,2,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,16,15,1,2,1,0,0,8,7,19,1,5,9,6,29,6,32,39,10,39,1,4,0,5,10,12,7,7,18,157,45,2,0.08781179314145178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783985635947924,0.0,0.26379247933177463,0.09094653504335756,0.0,0.07022305924969194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717578140176332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352925405943214,0.0,0.07472136831920581,0.0,0.0921530593448406,0.0,0.0,0.0975391064284276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128416880764073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912712161484915,0.0,0.0,0.20127984519416986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057998861197183726,0.0,0.22195566903976846,0.08390793143838063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493853327748871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243541763336666,0.045878037618303,0.0,0.0998109313317082,0.0,0.1404622254703702,0.09681281194131294,0.0,0.0,0.07765167867208547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165269781958184,0.0,0.07805115645230089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905552747604553,0.0,0.09540777018202644,0.0,0.0,0.042900406583914336,0.0,0.07753942213053054,0.0,0.0,0.29471680541548273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308964187077514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849363393241676,0.0,0.0,0.1028441108304273,0.0,0.0,0.06455177171338222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603691306958823,0.08425778381638055,0.0,0.0921437053684073,0.0935166938287462,0.119007087239433,0.06678482563501975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509161477541914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467596499935377,0.0,0.3079418611814056,0.0,0.0,0.2801959529196089,0.0,0.0,0.05625448323588485,0.0,0.0,0.0942770031877264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396629248267675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027508754065075,0.07263882270864114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062153639150338474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058811235845336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004204383309066,0.1019562599305906,0.11667650697600715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240752548902987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551401514673116,0.08577936234661301,0.0,0.0,0.07584119528012571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970091409315345,0.0,0.10693110741148178,0.07895334780656972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948771918250506,0.0623789784042602,0.0,0.0,0.16964374728110024
ptsd,downwiththeillness14,2020/01/08,"I cheated on my boyfriend And I was perfectly okay.   

I was diagnosed with ptsd about 2 years ago, a few months after I was sexually assaulted. I didn’t wait very long afterward to get into a relationship with a close friend because I really love the guy. We’ve been very happy up until a few months ago.  

It’s like something was triggered in me. We moved cities and it was a really stressful experience (we got scammed out of a lot of money). After that I started drinking a lot and abandoning a lot of my responsibilities. It’s caused a huge stress on us and my finances, which has caused a lot of mood swings, irritability, and nightmares on my part. Sometimes I pick fights just to do it and have a reason to leave to go to the bar.  

The past few months I have a lot of trouble with my boyfriend touching me. I flinch and jump almost every time he touches me, and I just generally feel violated. So I was wondering if maybe I got into a relationship too soon after the assault. Maybe I should’ve taken time to be okay first. Then I cheated on my boyfriend. It was a one time drunken mistake, and the guilt is eating at me daily. I never want to do it again.  

But I had no problems when the other guy touched me. I was okay. I was better than okay. I wanted him to touch me everywhere and not stop.  

I don’t understand. I love my boyfriend so much but I can’t understand why I feel this way. Sometimes I feel numb and wonder why I don’t feel any good emotions half the time. I really don’t feel like myself lately.  

Anyway. Just needed to vent and get that off my chest. Thanks for reading if you did.",2.2757943925233657,4.348962981308413,3.8752118380062335,86.33711682242992,78.06542056074767,6.77221183800623,24.40716510903427,7.793537801064563,1.2794294080996886,1251,44,257,20,30,416,163,321,0.11199999999999999,0.769,0.11800000000000001,0.6933,0,0,2,0,1,0,35.0,3,1,0,3,11,29,6,3,21,4,24,8,1,5,2,60,47,21,0,7,8,0,9,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,11,21,3,3,10,3,2,3,8,14,0,3,16,9,47,14,35,30,10,43,0,1,0,2,14,13,0,10,28,181,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967155738035013,0.0,0.09018549530206693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612462070834731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054901818687882915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965376706036237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503986198619327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141246514734727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822785412531327,0.0,0.09215735260070036,0.0,0.1013092138438692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588230717630631,0.0,0.0,0.0880992966172932,0.0,0.0,0.2276938305381841,0.06434131797087922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660789038391946,0.0,0.0,0.06958276701493135,0.0,0.09410882880151472,0.0,0.051185111312760816,0.07554091512742181,0.14406387256412675,0.0,0.0,0.17835387094170618,0.0,0.09587417447561762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159544916288993,0.09536414686952444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800086551893603,0.0,0.0,0.07970328356041337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828434516544616,0.1625714873455494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096160101834585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566326338965755,0.0957231514380514,0.06620696904640029,0.06678087719215707,0.06946245388622886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102929735335199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975298962197691,0.08597571556036475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861785198684956,0.10527930646558124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008778225770236,0.0,0.1730907796081773,0.09260018533461314,0.0,0.19338879371278966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933521297947938,0.17815003045467648,0.0,0.06374734502437382,0.0,0.0,0.0752970433819984,0.2063346633124664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291828736147068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006679414703253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875183717585801,0.10833519279821062,0.0,0.0,0.14862349060951044,0.10624346514856353,0.07148814260840101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253643779042756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953398522037387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799788307915508
ptsd,AgonizedHydra,2020/01/08,PTSD test results The psychiatrist told me I already have PTSD but they recently followed up with me about the final report and how my therapist can access it. I asked if I could read the report and they said they typically don’t give them out but I could if I want to. Is that bad if I do? Should I?,0.37338709677419146,2.7628507741935517,2.4679838709677417,91.17197580645157,89.64516129032259,5.680645161290323,19.04032258064516,7.1686216300943375,0.4437032258064515,236,7,51,4,8,79,43,62,0.086,0.89,0.024,-0.6868,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,2,0,15,14,8,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,14,0,5,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,2,40,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571618173482337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21785787725211767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457592876530366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721217199975727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552803380035591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355005810129705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5448149143534969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330997848616746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300956490328953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216712873185711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705735953311908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222676574263724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374510962998625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,vengeancesavage,2020/01/08,"Flashbacks to abusive mom caused by society's hatred of fat people Forgive me if this post is poorly worded. I'm so fucking infuriated right now I can barely form a coherent sentence. I guess I'm just trying to reach out and see if anyone can empathize or relate.

While trying to find something to watch on YouTube tonight, I came across a video in my suggestions with a title that was something to the effect of ""the plague of fat acceptance"". This incredibly sadistic attitude toward not just the overweight but also vulnerable and / or oppressed groups in general is something that's become incredible pervasive in recent years, and every day I have to endure this piece of shit culture immersed in said attitudes. It makes me want to blow my fucking brains out for more reasons than one. (Don't worry, I'm legally obligated to say that I'm not suicidal at the moment.)

My abusive piece of shit mother (may she rest in piss) loved to dehumanize me for a number of factors ranging from my being bisexual to something as petty as my taste in music, but in particular she reveled in abusing me for my weight. I can explicitly recall one time she came home from the grocery store and screamed at me ""look! Food! That's all you care about, right?"" She also would tell me to ""go eat a Twinkie"". I'm sorry if this all sounds ridiculous. (For reference I'm 5' 8'' and about 210 pounds - not exactly morbidly obese but by mommy dearest's standards I might as well have been Baron Harkonnen from *Dune*.)

Am I the only person who gets infuriated and disheartened every time shit like this comes up? These are great times for ""people"" without an iota of compassion in them.",6.476359223300968,7.478086368932043,6.894399676375407,73.1513082524272,65.56957928802589,9.286796116504854,33.896601941747576,9.3871,3.2437739805825245,1324,57,223,24,20,431,188,309,0.182,0.7040000000000001,0.114,-0.9823,1,0,4,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,1,1,9,16,7,0,12,0,16,16,7,4,4,46,37,21,1,5,14,2,1,1,0,3,4,5,1,1,12,12,8,0,6,1,2,4,5,9,1,2,5,10,25,7,53,28,7,34,0,1,3,3,18,19,6,8,11,152,37,1,0.0,0.3732113410147849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793145716152666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341605132998627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115960475504014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172109098123678,0.0,0.24017623648295916,0.1070510128635936,0.10786041221178318,0.0,0.09044525824132668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771410915044805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743771567014967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769282973682341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596497364833932,0.0,0.12696228355970654,0.0,0.0,0.1941352960779446,0.054856380448753767,0.0,0.059671977119311985,0.0,0.0,0.11575910217327115,0.11566557234022055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532013250551972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129602631553175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817068469915103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476351447063887,0.0,0.07008603370465663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138478088325957,0.0,0.1229707276838054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229680240507736,0.07985463183317912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455828191209805,0.0916789653748783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055770168777363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795397331007668,0.10367145770663616,0.0,0.0,0.17933301443701918,0.09987579332600677,0.08349749615081997,0.0,0.0,0.08366868179067649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233324473195327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233259935447393,0.0,0.11753507719766053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148492189221233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177164045900317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836730537315036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425715738552078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061929704349797485,0.0,0.0,0.12785755046398545,0.0944045366764354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121295810313692,0.0,0.0,0.10662912553615678,0.0,0.0745865592556107,0.0,0.0,0.06761435627092324
ptsd,throwaway1112k,2020/01/09,"PossibleTrigger: I think my relationship is triggering my PTSD :( I was diagnosed with PTSD after a terrible long relationship. I was in a couple more relationships that were more emotionally & mentally abusing than physical as the first one was. 

I met someone online that I wasn't expecting to fall for but it happened, sadly it is long distance but we will be meeting each other in a few weeks. He's been so kind and understanding. We talk and text all day, I've spoken with his family a few times and they're all excited to meet me. He's so great and we click so so well. We've been talking about getting engaged. 

But lately we've had little arguments (we talk through them) but I've been feeling off and have been disassociating and my nightmares & vivid dreams have come back (they're about him even though he hasn't spoken negatively to me, it's like I'm back with my ex but it's my current boyfriend I'm seeing). I feel disconnected from him and from everyone around me. 

I dont know how to snap out of this, its day 5 I'm feeling this way and it's been hurting him cause he wants to help and I don't even know how to help myself right now. I feel so disconnected and shitty.",1.96841916558018,4.483899029661019,3.6000000000000014,85.41938070404174,82.0084745762712,7.020599739243806,23.483702737940032,8.139509932561175,1.5045683181225558,945,34,191,20,26,313,130,236,0.087,0.747,0.166,0.9717,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,4,0,1,1,17,9,0,0,5,0,20,1,0,4,2,42,37,24,0,2,5,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,21,0,0,8,1,0,2,5,3,1,2,12,7,27,6,24,23,7,23,0,2,3,0,25,7,0,0,14,126,38,0,0.0,0.14205460309550993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598098655122383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067309424917035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438193493950708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231640067914439,0.0,0.10327793276384044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266026090282176,0.0,0.15464322503991434,0.0,0.0,0.12168973060594455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051469535314795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348644402127058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837750993544872,0.0,0.0,0.1145637084137297,0.0,0.0,0.11302524834422975,0.0,0.24248772509670166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198164471423203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263958643953936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321833891960843,0.0,0.0,0.10602173263868894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072463631377654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283488425442828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485099152566227,0.131781045249737,0.0,0.1352454812316236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857407740195944,0.12016513158877427,0.0,0.21220456289505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082479809134465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124317336840797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280298981578204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861633668534899,0.0,0.10238868995179963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553987307284066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158566719784287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890983973215997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682313583313502,0.11779509560109755,0.0,0.06991106614344654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481372264813692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071649709769331,0.09516615487300543,0.09617161189873792,0.0,0.10779896681212008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PinoyPhReader,2020/01/09,"I was called a Wimp because of my PTSD I have a hobby of reading manga, webtoons and manhuas. But in one of the chapters in the webtoon I'm reading I saw a child die which triggered my past trauma. In my past trauma, I also saw a child getting killed in real life and it left me a lot of grief, regrets, and disturb me for years so I decided to leave a comment in the webtoon that I'm dropping it and will no longer continue reading. But then some people replied that I'm a wimp, snowflakes and saying that its just nothing for them. Well, I got hurt but made me confused. Children getting killed is nothing for them but why does it disturbed me and haunted me emotionally so much?",3.9675735294117658,5.240425316176474,4.464000000000002,87.28100000000002,71.57352941176471,6.322352941176471,33.45294117647059,6.2581,1.8520082352941185,537,27,106,3,10,170,78,136,0.28600000000000003,0.7140000000000001,0.0,-0.9875,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,5,13,2,3,10,0,4,1,0,2,0,19,13,14,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,8,6,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,12,1,1,5,3,16,1,13,7,3,12,0,3,2,0,8,6,0,3,5,72,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566219299749606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957890972922526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045417893759284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308312585975998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751141877728024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675768077303786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641949205613074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567660448368248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821812853151108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476970387861245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638511730566125,0.17072952614389486,0.0,0.11099032548003604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359203580017198,0.0,0.14868658136542207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551358317407585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30155387716241544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647992073071842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30000959456013204,0.1089388291075429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836844383466328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715377857654216,0.17885601001028612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496144145310101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128479926500956,0.0,0.14179146542990229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011909076563982
ptsd,sad-but-hydrated,2020/01/09,"Anyone else get nauseous/shivers when triggered? I was run over by a car in late June 2019, and was diagnosed with PTSD a month ago. I haven't had any treatment for it, but i was already on an SSRI that my doc increased the dose on after my squishing.

Anyway, when a car rolls towards me (even if i know that bitch is gonna stop, it doesn't matter), i get a single violent shiver down my spine, and my stomach flips like i missed a stair. The feeling of nausea passes right away, thankfully. Also all the usual junk: sweaty palms, heart racing, flight response.

 The weird part is the chill and stomach flip, and i've noticed these reactions getting worse over time. The shiver down my spine usually causes me to make some kind of noise, kinda like a grunt and it feels like my throat is closing up for a sec. These all subside  right away, but are still weird an annoying. 

Anyone else had this reaction?",4.9848275862068965,6.083604896551727,4.9845402298850585,85.15198275862069,69.0,7.409195402298851,27.718390804597703,7.492282038375204,1.5052045977011494,708,23,135,7,12,220,116,174,0.15,0.755,0.095,-0.9092,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,3,0,15,0,11,9,7,3,2,22,21,11,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,6,0,0,5,2,14,5,19,15,6,32,0,1,0,0,0,15,1,3,15,86,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328000251150671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653221714216862,0.11980525746281485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101877854419785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950521314257564,0.3070018748513847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28150815052463146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389903325436669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205685804742913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502987739165831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989499542247462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149972561231054,0.10702630803701052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348130443536725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775289121829303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600699747601396,0.08233320753979148,0.0,0.1689953855497206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195729285064368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000122019375413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957916306208888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056288771788006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622326841417675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512316873595685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558786582259471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196407110085811,0.12525022510302464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792751601803796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735705969258824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32999531011133604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267206172689102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,aWriteToShare,2020/01/09,"Can't stop thinking replaying horrible memory of BF during his seizure Hi everyone. I'm about to talk about a traumatic/emergency health event so please don't read if that may trigger.

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Last Sunday, my partner, whom I live with, had a seizure. It wasn't a regular one though. We were watching TV and he started having auras/seeing things and then all of a sudden lost control of his body. I won't go into too much detail but it looked like an exorcism as far as body paralysis and foaming/drooling and head twitching. At one point I thought, omg, he might die right now—which is not a thing I have ever thought or ever had to think about. I did lose my grandfather two year ago and it was sudden but cancer-moving-quickly sudden. Not, one-minute-someone-is-fine-and-now-theyre-very-not sudden. Anyway, as soon as he fell back I called 911 and he went to the hospital and got proper tests. He did forget my name when he first woke up but he's okay now. There is not a word to describe how thankful I am—but I'm really struggling. I keep replaying the moment that this happened and what I witnessed happening to him. His unresponsiveness, his choking-like sounds in the beginning, the helplessness I felt just praying he would make it out of this. I physically shake my head to stop myself from seeing this. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this type of trauma, specifically coping with the memories, and the fear of something like it happening again? For background, I already had slight CPTSD from my narc father and I do see a therapist. But haven't seen her since this episode.",4.218190789473682,6.194491437500003,4.60108421052632,83.73338947368424,72.125,7.758736842105264,27.62052631578948,8.488131031819089,2.0251585789473685,1263,47,236,22,25,398,188,304,0.113,0.81,0.077,-0.9112,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,0,4,17,11,0,3,14,1,21,6,4,4,3,47,45,25,1,2,10,1,1,2,2,4,2,1,0,1,16,16,0,4,5,2,0,4,8,7,0,4,16,7,26,4,31,25,2,35,1,3,5,0,24,8,0,4,25,148,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474139234732804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039210200139054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035260770501154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261996829278992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908574703224522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624974477970907,0.0,0.0,0.12065420443819312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325260846308851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181740143531285,0.0,0.0,0.12263105229285498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034022980491708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376431999221465,0.0,0.11290660053703785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329624463915673,0.0,0.0,0.11345178520720932,0.0,0.0,0.10050653022052476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715284693542185,0.0,0.09450305894725143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31346454076149183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425317613205569,0.12559817292386136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502571797381753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096315877922185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545366417723253,0.0,0.1043371277337918,0.0,0.09922433912244563,0.13219041414471566,0.12898520610550487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887247785118953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534870642267185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686093171243557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402040920866919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297038030763949,0.11169905325817103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819161661556996,0.0,0.07569609163581738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009076877482872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831587129562155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774287601247936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096506435231808,0.0,0.0,0.08363400202070212,0.0,0.0,0.1975735013263733,0.0,0.12352611191761767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497224357882804,0.0,0.1087855221278765,0.0,0.1371924502832882,0.15700003014460193,0.15142385367258016,0.11609124729294645,0.18761111269061545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542479992970943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095351709409034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393721875709062,0.0,0.0,0.07609093474848047
ptsd,trisaratops__,2020/01/09,"cPTSD and insomnia? Anyone else out here struggle with their PTSD/cPTSD and sleep? I swear at night when I finally calm myself down to sleep I can only sleep for a few hours before I wake up and replay experiences I’ve been trying to move past from in my head. Anyone have any suggestions or tricks to help? 

I usually can sleep for like 3 hours and then wake up from 2-6 when I have to get out of bed. It’s exhausting and so draining.",2.2316011235955067,4.134148831460678,3.4656039325842727,90.0307654494382,77.53932584269663,7.1466292134831475,20.11376404494382,8.07648339933343,0.7365606741573028,342,8,74,6,8,111,62,89,0.08800000000000001,0.8240000000000001,0.08800000000000001,0.3695,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,5,9,7,0,0,9,6,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,2,17,5,1,17,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,10,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241137481863092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311667160164849,0.16937195536991687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406602603468064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380890354023622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616975732032988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810808190637417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636373852287164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964806436224386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079878758606244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32557934809842154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075845631330879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756904070885229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551252071204443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572000717261214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779994953784013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322978749718286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6616875553580818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281007378922222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122295531030172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820573602800165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TheGumUnderYourShoes,2020/01/09,"NSFW. PTSD or coincidence? Nightmare? This post is not meant to offend anyone at all, I am genuinely curious if what happened what just a dream or if it was more than that. Here is the backstory: I was sexually assaulted in college. I have blocked some of the assault out but there are also very vivid memories. Anyway, to not get into too many details about it I remember feeling very scared, panicked, and I honestly thought this guy was going to kill me. What he said when he had me pinned down while i begged him to leave me alone and how the fucker said it, I was very on edge. For a few days, I would wake up in a panic in the middle of the night. I had seen him on campus a few times and everytime, I would get really sad and kind of panicked. And there's more to the story but again, won't go in too much detail. A year after that, I thought I was okay enough to not be considered traumatized but I was out one day and I saw a guy who looked like my assailant and instantly I was panicked, my vision was hazy, i couldn't stop crying and shaking. Needless to say, my friends and i left.
The dream: A guy around 19 was home alone just chillin' in his room and there are 2 guys in a car waiting outside for him but the guy never leaves his house so one of them gets out of the car to break into the house. The whole time i'm kind of omniscient, i knew the guy trying to break in had bad intentions and that he was trying to r*pe the guy inside. The guy breaks in and tries to assault the guy home alone. The whole time i'm kind of like the dude in houses conscience telling him he needs to fight the guy off with everything he has. And i remember feeling panicked and scared. The guy fights him off and runs out of the house but he had forgotten his cellphone so he couldn't call the police so he just keeps running. The guys in the car were catching up to him and i was feeling on edge and i told him to keep going and muster everything he had in him to go. I woke up before the dream could end. Do you think this was a coincidence or something else? It is around the time i was assaulted in college. I have told some people about it but i haven't really said many details or really shared how i felt. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, if that helps (i have not spoken to a therapist/psychologist/etc about the assault)",3.020829447035311,4.565124782700423,4.037184099489232,88.33497001998668,74.37974683544303,7.521119253830777,24.92094159449256,8.20500826718156,1.359186497890296,1833,59,390,30,38,593,206,474,0.18,0.725,0.095,-0.9948,0,3,1,0,2,1,45.0,0,1,1,0,23,25,10,4,36,1,39,3,1,3,2,78,71,39,1,9,20,0,4,2,1,3,1,4,3,12,16,28,0,5,11,4,0,11,9,16,0,2,33,12,47,9,63,31,11,63,0,1,4,1,49,33,1,9,17,269,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001398032211602,0.0,0.0463317354527996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04432120397482182,0.0,0.0,0.04051049309883995,0.0,0.0,0.1031513969866645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837449206255787,0.0,0.0,0.04929962759564384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059159564173616265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625751834915021,0.0,0.06364043868558979,0.07472839799306688,0.0,0.0,0.058804248411419124,0.0,0.0,0.06640015857439055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048398446040077314,0.0,0.051314473131088216,0.05986381093473584,0.0646144249288212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041390400140745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788318672600742,0.0,0.05562805041755031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04476153564072945,0.0,0.09080816720616428,0.0,0.13170641425105778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6883939940852998,0.0512329863173349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03883356217722046,0.0,0.1162299095018507,0.0,0.0,0.2674034075138241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299310714091232,0.06409806654847063,0.18099560292054054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269261031347008,0.06294809163037914,0.0,0.0,0.05660961826217165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865200251605003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174768761218494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04258993615472624,0.0429591225355335,0.04468414003504293,0.0,0.0,0.0543694069872995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851843741783211,0.0,0.0,0.06797590769389095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04016581988863584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548707682394665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772457651158327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134666574628337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312613433729764,0.0,0.1653324128570421,0.04607336788496876,0.11600893030208388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044602287895112884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484374427113776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05063898616357748,0.0,0.0,0.06726865097210527,0.0,0.03712331961605299,0.0,0.09199009444042737,0.13513277348008387,0.0,0.0,0.11072146737360357,0.0,0.11800508173870808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341084633512075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936789146193628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231274331030408,0.0,0.0,0.0373091560152729
ptsd,ChloroformDaisy,2020/01/09,"A nightmare from 2017 journal entry “I dreamt that I had been taken from my mom. It was a group of men. Men from my church. Sergio was their leader, his brother Gabriel was protecting me from him. I cried because I saw how evil he was.”",0.7253900709219891,3.1908811489361746,1.7756382978723408,96.28416666666668,88.57446808510639,3.984397163120569,20.599290780141846,5.46131890053228,-0.1416496453900713,182,6,38,1,6,57,35,47,0.152,0.848,0.0,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,8,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,1,10,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549245928909782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6395569807563628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6819057132235943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dogsrcute_,2020/01/09,"Diagnosed earlier this week and I feel shocked and angry. I’m mad at him for ruining so many parts of my life. 

I’m mad that I didn’t turn him in. 

I’m mad that he’s still out there, enjoying his fucking life.

I’m just so upset and it’s coming out in a form of anger. 

And THAT makes me mad, too, lol.",-1.3183823529411782,0.5196024558823531,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,90.61764705882356,5.752941176470588,17.323529411764707,7.1686216300943375,-0.05644705882352907,229,6,60,4,8,80,45,68,0.34,0.583,0.077,-0.9651,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,6,1,1,1,1,4,0,1,0,10,10,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,1,1,7,1,8,9,2,8,0,1,0,1,4,5,1,0,2,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27255784539246675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32114789570961016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998560902067605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29251449463746393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44697726228578266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112050837167781,0.32078848535834903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426394954918731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25268418060843284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441615124485075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538037567713396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sweetsandia,2020/01/09,"ALL medical professionals should be required extensive training on PTSD Just a rant. Its long.

Malware is software written specifically to harm and infect the host system. PTSD is the malware infecting my system and FEAR is the virus that wrecks havoc.

So I have been triggered and my symptoms take over my entire being.
I have 3 options

Flee
Freeze 
Or Fight 

These are the ONLY options fear will give me, suddenly a harmless and simple situation  has turned into a battle for my survival. And yes, to me, its as dire as it sounds. So my logic and reason programming has been overridden -its not gone, its still running, but its only running at minimum so the virus can feed off the program and piggy back on the signal to proceed with the virus’ own programming.

So I am faced with the three options mentioned above. What do they look like?

Flee- Literally leave the situation in any way I can. Seeing as the logic and reason programming is still running albeit at a limitation, I can process enough information from my environment to look for an immediate exit and follow through with fleeing from the situation. Analyzing my environment for an exit is about the only way I can use the logic and reason program that is still running. And this is an immediate reaction, either i phsically leave my environment ASAP or make arrangements and overcoming necessary hurdles to leave. The way I flee is dependant on the trigger that accessed the survival instinct. And the severity of my reaction to flee is also dependant on said specific trigger. No matter what I'm doing or what's going on, when I'm triggered it's time to flee.


Fight- So my fear of my survival has been activated (essentially, my logic and reason program has been infected with the malicious code FEAR) and my logic and reason programming is running at a minimum. I’ve already scanned and processed the option to leave but I have come to the conclusion that fleeing is not an option. Meaning my exits in my environment are blocked or there are people who are blocking my exits. For my reaction to be extreme enough to want to fight, the people blocking my only exits must be some type of authority. For example, police officers, EMTs, or any type of medical professionals. My understanding is  that these people are the only people who can act on their authority at will with or without good intent. In civil society, these people are considered as necessary and these people are supposed to hold good intent. I am recounting VIVIDLY how each and everyone of these so called “authority with good intent” VIOLATED me. Physically and psychologically. Seeing as I don't want to relive said horrible experiences again I consider theses authorities as ENEMIES to my survival whenever I see them when my survival instinct has been severely triggered. I will FIGHT these authorities. I will flail and scream and cry and do whatever makes them feel uncomfortable by being naked or screeching and howling when they touch me.  And it seems like, in my experience, these authorities do not have the faculties or understanding to not not treat me like an animal. I mean in all of my recounted experiences of cops, EMTs and nurses they exacerbated my symptoms by physically hurting me and demeaning me. Remember my logic and reason program is still running in the background so i’m still aware of what’s being said to me, how they are touching me, how they handle me and what emotions they evoke when they demean me. Plus im cogiscent enough to realize, causing injury to said authorities is a metaphorical DEATH SENTENCE. I don't want to go to jail or be arrested, or treated like a dangerous and malicious mentally ill person, so I am cognizant enough not to cause injury to others- I'm just SCARED and I CRY. Do these professionals really think I’m a danger to them when I’m naked and  bawling and screeching about being raped and that I don't want to be touched without care? Don’t I have a right to say “don't touch me” during perineal care yet said medical professionals disregard my repeated requests? Rendering me even more panicked about being in the ER? They think im insane. Well THEY are the ones who are insane with reasoning that extreme measures of restraint, ridicule and deliberate touching of my clitoris is the only way to treat a frightened, crying, naked young woman. Who let these people be medical professionals? And they get to live their lives thinking they did nothing wrong while I SUFFER .I’m reliving these memories to the point of not functioning due to the extreme anxiety that these memories induce. I have PTSD from my experience at the ER. PTSD that is being treated with the help of my primary doctor. Who btw, I can barely see because he triggers such horrible feelings and memories. 

Medical professionals are suppose to be a beacon of hope, but instead they are psychological abusers. When it comes to psychological trauma, it's like all their training goes out the window and I'm just some animal. These medical professionals should not be  allowed to wantonly explain away their cruelty and the robbing of my humanity with a phrase of “that just my job.” yet I have no name of the woman who touched my clitoris deliberately while providing perineal care. I don't even recall if she was an RN or CNA. But the restraints? Those were uncalled for and I’m going to have to live with that trauma for the rest of my life. 

Freeze: knowing I cant fight or flee my body and brain just shuts down. I'm immobile, incapable of normal interaction. I'm still cognizant of what's around me but I'm being forced to watch the memories like some sick psycho is tying my down to a chair and forcing horrible movies about my life. I'm shivering, holding back tears gripping whatever is in my hand with dear life. Just visible distressed and immobile.

Every single one of these reactions are EMBARRASSING and SHAMEFUL in polite society. I'm no longer worthy to exist because people just dont understand what trauma does to a person.",7.183121790922161,8.570132817929764,7.720001540357362,66.48014196960365,64.16635859519408,10.927931813514073,36.65439515300884,10.893439341931591,4.545426329841856,4847,234,753,133,72,1600,408,1082,0.20600000000000002,0.735,0.059000000000000004,-0.9996,2,0,0,0,6,0,96.0,0,0,19,8,47,47,11,8,58,1,97,23,4,28,4,179,158,89,1,10,36,0,12,6,0,7,17,8,1,5,51,62,1,8,31,0,0,22,21,27,3,3,15,29,98,20,124,120,16,90,0,2,9,1,52,36,0,25,32,564,149,20,0.0,0.05516173799019297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137616088412247,0.03723114769932115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331991642971485,0.0,0.035615529512797936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144507926445218,0.0,0.0,0.04374128378296895,0.07159801768915278,0.0,0.05676071607859914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171368090051593,0.0,0.05197235549499956,0.047539304324554166,0.0,0.14240210161885605,0.09565252409151563,0.0,0.08020845707417704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534201049796601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04765246280533274,0.04074183189642521,0.0,0.054563770831352436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236969977104857,0.0,0.1924208851642065,0.0,0.06150014512887366,0.0,0.0392257870136274,0.04448664899970969,0.0,0.1821644266630504,0.0,0.20955563818694545,0.04708064387265529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02432380492921268,0.044661154867772,0.07937724942752188,0.11714793439469805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031205783141531405,0.0,0.0,0.0462410242261444,0.0,0.0,0.04983960441614189,0.0,0.10057783314036227,0.0,0.046200057425114106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025586187746595882,0.0,0.0,0.19718608213368952,0.0,0.047607087920413765,0.0986525167810486,0.1364706742445418,0.0,0.12333050035303575,0.04120096161498536,0.07819132496723047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062153536130108336,0.0,0.0,0.1014271673173138,0.0,0.2814041365743924,0.04691791543390955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045615401156160064,0.04467213515906312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309566244505027,0.21244950594786896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25821084543860245,0.0813025304129866,0.0,0.0,0.044010859881181766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768782769171008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02982523114888935,0.3350742350575874,0.0,0.0,0.05273934177696872,0.03975892343652463,0.22142905657817066,0.0370235292929607,0.046611092551424746,0.0,0.1483977380871485,0.04238321104661543,0.0,0.10519099281630516,0.0,0.0,0.15699408094826314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230800756199615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677988119105906,0.03500462954009364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949441126303799,0.0,0.0,0.027147419577998474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064000975290387,0.0,0.14540060757485082,0.0,0.04020979395282905,0.0,0.0,0.10984071756870788,0.14781725861032038,0.0,0.0,0.04185980766076019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975744404095869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090213049413438,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ctrlaltmk,2020/01/09,"Is it possible to be diagnosed with PTSD and feel fine ? So I’m asking this question because I was diagnosed at 17 . I’ve had a pretty traumatic childhood , as well as being in a violent relationship . But I don’t understand I walk around and I don’t feel sadness , I don’t feel anything . I can see I have PTSD , is when I express emotions , I always feel an extreme . Like extremely sad , extremely angry etc . Certain smells , certain items , even certain pictures and places take me back to certain moments but I don’t break down . I don’t feel anything . It’s like pressing rewind on a movie , it’s a play back . So I’m not understanding how I’m walking around fine , and I have this diagnoses hanging over me , when people say that PTSD limits their day to day function .",3.388726611226613,5.477275804054057,4.636486486486486,82.09853430353432,74.74324324324324,7.526819126819128,31.65488565488565,8.384062270229773,2.643237422037421,601,30,111,11,13,198,87,148,0.08199999999999999,0.7609999999999999,0.157,0.7436,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,11,13,1,0,5,0,14,3,0,1,4,24,27,13,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,8,1,0,3,6,3,1,0,2,9,15,10,13,23,2,20,0,2,1,0,6,8,0,1,10,71,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024222680433718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180558302146854,0.23588823619929705,0.12386019017113542,0.0,0.0,0.2037531403944772,0.0,0.08076462537178604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089007528286349,0.0,0.0,0.4034234390617586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903332709843553,0.0,0.0,0.14776128268492567,0.08750834247344366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349544215908105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294557649617246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185182833979304,0.0,0.13842376712962692,0.0,0.0,0.14936247757731594,0.0,0.1347898794036668,0.0,0.0,0.4646208786506412,0.0,0.1484190318977803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224459087693433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536130196619307,0.0,0.0,0.10557731253806243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961593110167796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758533580008992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912434928321836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,StrangeExplanation0,2020/01/09,"Falling apart Been in a bad realtionship was working on getting out of the apartment . Well about mid night she flips BPD rapid cycling Bi polar doesn't mix well with my PTSD.  I was basically told I need to figure something out. No family no friends so I'm sleeping in my car or trying to at 3 am jm front of my job. The one thing it seems I can do right.  The shop owner did however offer me a loan to get set up with a new place , however the only reason why I even car to do it is because I do have a ESA . This cat can read my body language. She will sitting on me kneed face bump and generally has had an extremely good record of  stoping a me from flashing back or having a disassociation issue. On top of it she and another cat have figured out to when I'm having nightmare or terror, and will wake me up gently. The ex tells me "" it would be unfair to take her from the other cats"" my cat hides from one of hers and really onlyo come out from under the bed to see me my ex or eat. So here I am looking for advice and looking to vent. Because anymore im just done trying. Half of me just kid of hopes the cold takes hold, and I got to sleep. The other half says fight  ... I just don't have it in me like I used to.  I'm approaching mid life. Jinesl probably past with my history. Anymore that survival instinct is getting pretty weak. There really comes a time when it just no worth it. Getting back up is tiring. I've been pretty much on my own since 15,only person to fight for me was me ,and my grandma who has since passed. Mediation isn't working mindfulness isn't. I'm a Buddhist, and anymore I don't find comfort in that either.  PS sorry about spelling format ect. Im literally on a phone in the hokdof a hatch back rn hoping for rest . Sleep has been extremely rare for me lately.",1.8490473145780089,3.770675554347832,3.765959079283888,87.34042199488495,78.78260869565217,6.2859335038363175,23.323529411764717,7.285733465282438,0.9255093350383632,1396,46,290,18,34,472,198,368,0.08900000000000001,0.8320000000000001,0.079,-0.1608,3,0,1,0,2,0,36.0,0,0,0,4,18,13,2,1,21,0,36,11,6,2,0,39,58,16,0,4,9,2,0,1,1,3,3,1,1,2,14,17,1,1,5,2,3,8,8,5,2,4,11,5,35,8,50,43,4,46,0,0,3,1,19,26,0,7,11,195,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700578356991696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409356006624096,0.0,0.0,0.2953483743786766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22899818828511898,0.08288654997899485,0.12102850113529945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102669190943913,0.1250274616980504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102513866492144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158797791218192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157829485821494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556709374705504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358319949582168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073125139070873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669598383015461,0.0,0.20745852807166876,0.0,0.0,0.08326321377654602,0.07939552359506452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719560427326624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144579073942282,0.10361239696890516,0.09851045034004656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198121690881116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701175452796247,0.04849845190427417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667240922306662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023469938397016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297508916736016,0.07360766605033336,0.0,0.09587586970808516,0.0,0.09315844730221287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453624234212982,0.07549953279952834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476472944786374,0.0,0.08667899274530891,0.10371632989121113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20198715709182774,0.10703016825797528,0.0,0.11604166279563805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992971591636847,0.0,0.12719018614794794,0.10206639692222673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477628970734552,0.0,0.07894372317045786,0.0,0.0,0.07910557271549308,0.09037194842943448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423482806053608,0.0,0.29802596109587404,0.0,0.0,0.07642312316199461,0.0,0.11112496811102744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492778153174603,0.0,0.08676661353064047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595077311057836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057885307448667565,0.1140966010958037,0.0,0.09485702121008044,0.0,0.1347960283512224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857376620536503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851183455748845,0.0,0.08957600092211465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445399144356496,0.0,0.0,0.07051876951467195,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,michael12655,2020/01/09,"The letter I wrote to myself on shrooms About four months after the trauma, I tripped shrooms. I had no clue why I was experiencing what I was experiencing and was generally inexperienced with mental health issues. I hope you guys can relate to some of this. Here’s what I wrote:

When it comes to my own happiness, I have no responsibility to anybody but myself. “Forcing myself” isn’t the answer, I don’t want to go against my best interest. Do what is best for yourself in the time being. Take a break and gather your thoughts it’s okay. You will grow pas this. This is just your current chapter. The fact you’re able to get up everyday and continue to fight is miraculous. I know you care a lot about your mental health, but don’t fall in the trap of doing everything just for that. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. Find what you LOVVEEE and pursue it!!! Once you find it, life won’t be a chore. The spark will be back. I know there are mixed feelings about “you have great potential” but it’s so true. You’re a full human being. 

Remember your memories are simply memories. Not the full picture. Our brain can’t fully revive reality, so don’t try to piece together what happened. All you can do it live in the present and make the most of it. That’s how you keep on moving. 

This is one of the best times for you to be feeling this way because your life isn’t established. There are no responsibilities, attachments, or anything to be truly left behind. Whatever ends up being you will be you. I know there are times where you may feel embarrassed but there are plenty of other people who have felt that too. You are not alone. There are always communities of people that you can go to. Remember you’re not at 100% right now and you are still getting by. Think of all that you can do when you’re all there. 

I know it’s hard and you feel some of your social skills declining, but it won’t last don’t worry. You don’t have to be friends with everyone. If you don’t feel it then you don’t feel it. I know it can be especially hard to sort these things out and find purpose and meaning at some point. I’d recommend taking a break from Snapchat and instagram and try to use your phone  as little as possible. Find things for yourself and find things to enjoy with people you love.",2.468471629042096,4.779897489932889,3.5246181614805785,87.8872811165345,78.57494407158836,6.748200122025626,22.463341468375024,7.84624498591911,1.0406693512304246,1786,55,366,30,44,574,203,447,0.051,0.784,0.165,0.996,1,1,0,0,1,0,49.0,1,28,0,4,22,16,1,1,16,1,56,6,1,3,5,73,88,27,0,3,12,0,9,0,1,6,4,0,1,2,34,17,0,1,23,0,0,7,18,3,0,2,8,11,48,13,51,64,15,44,0,0,0,1,41,17,0,10,17,267,82,0,0.09050179412168582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373256479703124,0.0,0.0,0.07530474265681067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447526530953591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959029333721455,0.0,0.05516905368929642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849281482411729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010299329801406,0.0,0.0,0.0922726107354541,0.0,0.0,0.07795928205932721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015772723616048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647834265245376,0.08133717696719885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745625582954697,0.0,0.08689591493336295,0.0,0.41358500124489495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699214616390075,0.0,0.09456690420955843,0.0,0.10286851042803606,0.0,0.0,0.09977854751855868,0.0,0.08961100485227166,0.0800304376550418,0.09634084271655813,0.1621436623380954,0.0,0.0,0.1923983501933319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988870206103917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944603599587506,0.0,0.08044215292161204,0.0,0.0,0.2486870961144513,0.0737710413227285,0.0,0.0,0.0983304641178874,0.0,0.1278481872883426,0.0,0.09070657338433226,0.07991474227917979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694138898747291,0.0816814026207739,0.0,0.06041065033417385,0.0,0.0,0.09858298530859967,0.0,0.0,0.1824090444510197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223766863044932,0.09618908457325913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963814570805608,0.06132635790169566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822764641616094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555344821001924,0.1020271747277598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504178093896588,0.07728803768651778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225518194737996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227484969151163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360921721845211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803761118310788,0.057989895370894474,0.0,0.07184831538411672,0.15831697184551285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228895550296713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816449244041747,0.0,0.0,0.053380302993602115,0.07183611166202401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166379254123085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190896499220083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,idontknowwhatitshoul,2020/01/09,"Do things ever actually get better? TW: suicidal ideation 

I’ve been in therapy for about 9 months and I’ve been consistently doing EMDR with my therapist and I just... do things ever actually get easier or better? I’m so exhausted. I feel like an empty husk of a human, just a paper shell of skin with nothing inside and I’m just so tired of existing and so tired of being triggered all the time and so tired of being existential and so tired of being sad. I just... I’m running out of reasons to keep holding on and to keep living. 

I’d love some advice/clarity if you have any.",1.5061074270557029,3.94658880172414,4.369310344827589,79.62980106100797,83.39655172413794,7.362334217506633,22.716180371352788,8.384062270229773,1.8446970822281168,455,16,85,11,13,162,70,116,0.207,0.6759999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.9178,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,12,6,0,0,4,0,9,7,1,2,3,26,18,14,1,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,10,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,5,4,16,13,2,8,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,3,5,58,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.2839823276296013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894788307610093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25737337885815004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26323385817275313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357132333284133,0.1039482689739122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203993573005808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25866173504182866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108602937726267,0.0,0.12848292308571266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132327116560316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614010829332648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961525711693554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960260802480035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915803887097052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639679662022186,0.1689416550037857,0.19333312345908465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484470130984167,0.6689429471564083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,royalot4,2020/01/09,"My abuser put me in a psych emergency hospital My ex was my abuser. She was manipulative and physically abusive and verbally controlling. When I broke up with her, she felt I had gone “crazy” (I use that term lightly because mental illnesses are not something to call crazy). After a fight she had caused between us, she manipulated my friend to signing an involuntary psych hold on me, in which I woke up to the police banging on my door to take me into the hospital. 
I can still feel the paper scrubs they made me strip down and change into. I was no longer a human being. I was their “PATIENT X”. No one knew where I was, not my parents, not my friends, no one. I was alone in a room with nothing the hide behind (aka suicide precautions). For 24 hours I stayed in that same room and those same paper clothes. 
I realized, I started zoning out (what some may call flashing back) to the times I was in the hospital. I can see my plates of food exactly as they were presented to me, the doctors faces, the pain one doctor inflicted upon touching my self harm injuries aggressively, despite knowing they were fresh. I hate this and I want to control it. I haven’t gone a single night in 2 months, 13 days without a nightmare of this experience and now it is starting to happen when I am awake. 

I honestly just needed to rant this out... ive never told anyone about this. 
Thank you.",4.721382323733863,6.018822071698117,5.5679642502482665,79.98483614697122,69.79245283018868,8.446871896722941,30.173783515392252,8.841846274778883,2.431641509433963,1079,43,204,19,19,353,162,265,0.205,0.745,0.05,-0.9919,1,1,1,0,3,1,36.0,1,1,4,2,8,10,3,0,15,0,20,6,1,7,2,39,39,9,1,2,5,2,3,0,2,1,4,0,3,2,11,12,1,3,5,0,0,3,9,6,0,3,18,5,45,4,36,19,5,39,0,1,1,0,21,19,0,2,16,153,56,6,0.0,0.4356076019066465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692556069199618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569029540836938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423391987270363,0.0,0.07470576621394844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502759232230984,0.0,0.0,0.12589332193518718,0.12964238569615533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749020503394731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903505992628197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508716585551519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987809537095308,0.0,0.0,0.06196531364196198,0.0,0.11766788574114025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818878687784695,0.0,0.1893647259552215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837117488236866,0.0,0.0,0.12099343959026898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068774864383387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067350657009208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159604307862585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235022763559876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781879556861124,0.0,0.0,0.0908697875282001,0.09451865101541848,0.0,0.0,0.11500552547095425,0.0,0.11759069708879685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491305677613536,0.0,0.13040257997502902,0.0,0.1360780439303689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319729723108964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765703724443636,0.0,0.12784710222648002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943455123169262,0.0,0.0,0.1734840254099575,0.13062273500981186,0.09786914335363853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340505695767044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214287103802332,0.0,0.0,0.1128282147755912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146029579674654,0.0,0.0,0.11710244089282525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474133968482245,0.10584445278637583,0.0,0.0,0.07228357510586526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181344967741448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,yourironmaiden,2020/01/09,"i’m in dire mental strain, pls help :/ due to quite a long list of unfortunate and awful events, i have diagnosed PTSD, and it is difficult to handle the flare ups and talk about it because of fear build up. it doesn’t help i see one of my abusers every other day, and i feel like i’ll always feel this way and i won’t get better. the flare ups keep getting stronger and harder to ignore and get thru. have any advice for reducing this mental pain? i’d love to hear any, thank you",3.482337662337663,4.379328979797978,4.3479365079365095,89.08000000000004,72.33333333333334,7.273304473304473,22.223665223665233,7.447530270364453,0.6110998556998557,375,8,82,4,7,121,69,99,0.22899999999999998,0.595,0.177,-0.743,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,1,9,0,2,3,1,5,3,0,0,0,11,16,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,4,6,4,14,15,0,9,0,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,5,42,12,0,0.0,0.21606621890009312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781996184556762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173773431791268,0.0,0.0,0.24802146238522654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111646745733884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612821816367977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760680817370367,0.0,0.0,0.18509108045812028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364576592785484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520516594445895,0.18441291147778927,0.13027768195654107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28582597748748223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553243951738734,0.0,0.2444634928799992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208952580327993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909165316729388,0.0,0.0,0.16138244216997738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458659218941635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675510219885185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235715344567493,0.0,0.19404339318251654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316852742332454,0.0,0.0,0.1939618031946051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531693221629918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465736795058473,0.0,0.16789215095264146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474850376264145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SadGrlsClubb,2020/01/09,"Just need a place to put this.. I consider myself a well resourced individual in regards to overcoming the traumas I’ve faced throughout my life, and although I’ve continued to push through and tried to find a balance through various medication and talk therapies, I still find navigating the seas of this diagnosis increasingly more difficult. 

We all have our hills to climb, and there’s no one way to do it, but I’m really tired of climbing. My waking hours are often filled with intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and the occasional flashbacks.. but it’s nothing compared to the horrors I face when I close my eyes. 

Nearly every morning I wake in a panic unaware of where I am, feeling just as if I were back in the moment of coherence.. I have overwhelming feelings of shame, loss of self worth, and feel unable to connect with others on more than a superficial layer in person. 

I hide behind my screen and allow others to only receive what I’m willing to give because I’ve had so many before take what wasn’t theirs. 

I’m 29 and can’t imagine a life beyond my reality of the last several years. & while I have made significant improvements, I crave to share my life and love with another but fear I’m too broken to love, as I’ve been told by a previous partner.",8.391250000000003,7.464204958333332,8.779166666666669,67.74250000000004,61.91666666666666,12.0,39.58333333333333,11.20814326018867,4.532333333333333,1010,47,177,24,12,337,152,240,0.161,0.732,0.107,-0.9285,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,1,3,13,11,0,4,13,0,12,12,5,2,1,32,27,19,0,2,6,0,3,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,8,14,0,0,7,0,1,7,3,7,1,1,7,5,21,4,36,19,5,27,0,2,2,2,13,10,0,2,9,122,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472575933823316,0.0,0.0,0.15941798613180486,0.1163034643383406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169026210043295,0.0,0.09267681835102136,0.0,0.12936736743931124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809285678157428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107738552655705,0.2306146529578572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779075548328037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584219590520328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972012369468152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392573261699158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32215243250024816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274428216803392,0.1438556128198536,0.0,0.15413579108070807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315545592258628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112729220502587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458780523401369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030202867606529,0.11562659078173265,0.0,0.1783758753673289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274779395187486,0.15884026283390687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283336368071007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739509014069724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860171537248355,0.1717520004487038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141232572033665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430855413591955,0.1221969328182254,0.0,0.0,0.1738609454858169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069580368699633,0.0,0.17473751843631938,0.0,0.14527234232501934,0.0,0.10321921627352766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206753030247598,0.0,0.0,0.1366943216647562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790311875509744
ptsd,rebu_rebu,2020/01/09,"Help: I was emotionally bullied in college by ""friends"" and I don't know if it can cause PTSD. I was emotionally bullied like she belittled me, looked at me like she was going to kill me, isolated me from the rest of the group and made them believe that I was a bad person, She told me that I could never be forgiven after we had a fight even after I apologized so many times to her, She refused and called me a liar. She told me that she has written my name in her diary and she would ruin the person whose name is written in it (She has powerful source in her family). She is a good manipulator... I feel like shit for even saying horrible things about her. But al that happened in class and I have depression and anxiety on top of that. I have a fear of going to classes or even entering the building because it reminds me of those events. Could you please share if you have had similar things happen to you?",6.173756906077348,5.72660463535912,6.854635359116024,78.15631767955803,66.18232044198895,10.333922651933703,32.4646408839779,9.888512548439397,2.909552044198896,713,26,144,14,10,236,102,181,0.23800000000000002,0.648,0.113,-0.9834,1,0,0,0,1,1,19.0,1,3,1,2,5,14,4,1,9,0,19,1,1,3,1,23,31,11,1,5,4,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,12,7,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,11,3,36,6,21,16,1,16,0,2,1,0,34,8,1,3,8,113,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175529535878444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219756045290072,0.08905259414801868,0.0,0.0,0.16458875656298969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917001287409248,0.0,0.0,0.15007043595714886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23327536989339906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582355101972087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286538959731796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894650301780161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377167626732479,0.1643872248990808,0.07386540834356663,0.10436377907229348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286558549005632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604793987134187,0.1225299018718468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583665155512889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979182833890162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162237747694566,0.0,0.08028497702662689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411053993358264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267534325254878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822998817071228,0.0,0.1481081492763915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126704335537984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551131044241516,0.0,0.16035842318811058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076657158050532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617335212923485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995505250205626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410592964375525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518384914305119,0.0,0.0,0.2791826299647545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037752149700241,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Mount-St-Helena,2020/01/09,"Abusive ex girlfriend i feel bad posting this because i don't feel that it's on the same level of what other people have gone through, but it's still something i feel bad enough to post here. when i was in 4th grade, a girl forced me to be her boyfriend. most people say that i could've easily said no or asserted myself more, and it is true that i was a beta cuck back in the day and i let people walk all over me, but looking back on it i don't think i actually could've done anything. this girl was crazy abusive and manipulative. she would full on bitch slap me across the face when i didn't do what she wanted. i refuse to hug her or let her touch me, and i'd get bitch slapped. it got to the point where i'd get bruises on my face and my mother would eventually call the principal about me being ""bullied"". this girl was just very strange and made me uncomfortable. one time in class, i'm 90% sure she sharted herself on account of the sound and smell of it, and when she did she looked at me and flashed this weird seductive look at me and asked me to go to the bathroom with her. she'd touch me in places that weren't right and i wasn't comfortable with, and she'd do it in front of other people. in retrospect, it's glaringly obvious that this was all wrong, but the adults who knew about it did nothing. the worst part is that i just let all of this happen, and i don't even really know why. eventually she broke up with me because i refused to slow dance with her at the school field trip to the local roller skating park. i'm 17 now, and i'm a lot better about it, but it still fucks me up to this day. i've done of good job of repressing this lately, but after a recent break up, it made me realize this is still affecting me and all of my relationships. my relationships rarely last more than three months because i have attachment issues and massive mood swings, and all of this is an indirect result of my experiences with my 4th grade girlfriend.

tldr: had an abusive girlfriend in 4th grade and it's still affecting me eight years later",6.3353349282296625,5.443976648325361,6.442966507177037,82.71076555023927,66.00956937799043,9.800956937799043,30.72248803827751,8.97023862654752,2.148881339712918,1621,49,350,23,22,518,192,418,0.16399999999999998,0.768,0.068,-0.9932,1,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,1,18,17,3,1,17,0,33,4,2,6,8,63,57,28,0,3,9,2,5,0,3,2,0,3,0,4,34,23,0,3,7,2,1,6,7,10,0,3,19,12,52,6,50,29,14,57,0,1,3,2,32,27,3,5,21,242,86,6,0.0,0.3371931763013422,0.09257308364490653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806457074954226,0.0,0.08868455907963314,0.0,0.0,0.14588833903781462,0.15841410618438706,0.17348371208938548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389904938057917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686623136736834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148155796885993,0.0,0.0,0.12235820853016807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194156575754641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801934550293108,0.0,0.06265644156790126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279469772832297,0.0,0.0,0.1438974951492226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769976943724546,0.0991245181007367,0.0,0.053913108445021035,0.07956699604334909,0.07587100023188878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388747239063407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901283899263848,0.09413737780372487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521344941261701,0.0773264069710963,0.10701015056450544,0.0,0.0,0.2910130422865855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23898432306101686,0.0,0.0,0.08064954826567854,0.0,0.1795242590393088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571913399899832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102407873808828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428195704078524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027279170968056,0.0,0.2630656027806105,0.0,0.09911215812821844,0.0,0.08967666221664601,0.0,0.1817060046539153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060771981881134765,0.0,0.09366625360536958,0.20369577676174966,0.0,0.08101290355926967,0.09023690409739847,0.07543925611625163,0.0,0.09600691808825636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303055049700306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303032427945342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940771823390216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078469504102736,0.0,0.0,0.05531566486367777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827231553475654,0.05595294521418095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855995461582409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477660542899375,0.10371833621869136,0.0,0.061088978412528985
ptsd,nordic_hygge,2020/01/09,"I'm Not Okay With This The link I'm posting is upsetting--it's the audio of schizophrenic patients engaging in ""scream therapy"".

What I'm not okay with this is the fact the suffering I hear in the audio isn't enough. Why do I want to hear people in pain? Why do I feel sexually frustrated listening to this clip knowing that the pain they're enduring isn't the worst agony a person can feel?

I hate myself for having these questions. Maybe sometimes people (including ourselves) are just shit, like how all of existence is just just shit

\*Trigger warning for the link below\*

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0Xx3RXyGRE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0Xx3RXyGRE)",6.091389610389609,9.886250372727279,4.316103896103897,78.1127272727273,77.0909090909091,7.5064935064935066,26.038961038961038,8.418075326091056,2.4701688311688312,551,20,82,12,14,157,69,110,0.265,0.642,0.094,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,0,4,13,4,0,9,2,10,5,2,2,2,18,21,1,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,6,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,0,8,5,4,12,21,3,5,0,1,0,0,5,4,2,1,1,51,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125492178950035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871814455895451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827451972583993,0.0,0.0,0.4172360691680079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172459880725958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904291586537038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595504978522048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393913013486352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566462315533873,0.16161976473764494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772719840683284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20735126298441364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37999930048766456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306589683122565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167481786303072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917514400777524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33404292635725746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lylylove,2020/01/09,"I’m new here need support TW I’m survivor of child sexual abuse , Rape

I’m going through depression and anxiety 

Now I’m having some suicidal thoughts 

I can’t deal with them",1.0445714285714305,3.6598414571428615,2.9857142857142875,86.12428571428573,91.57142857142857,7.371428571428572,27.0,8.238735603445708,2.578257142857144,141,7,27,4,5,47,28,35,0.409,0.478,0.113,-0.9393,0,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,10,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,9,1,3,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.4013784296455575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591525544279145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492494904609071,0.2917758353129224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252666120652204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511882652689164,0.0,0.3271791470287148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705514334985429,0.3844239214152012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689397604117962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sagevoss,2020/01/09,Lonely. I'm forced to shutter and hide like a scared field mouse to my ptsd that is a mighty hawk. Left with the tape over my mouth to suppress my screaming.,0.8212499999999991,3.2852086250000028,0.8049999999999997,103.54,87.75,3.2,17.375,3.1291,-1.1827125,124,3,28,0,4,36,27,32,0.332,0.602,0.065,-0.8481,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5582496672376379,0.0,0.0,0.25101873415695075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6006095073286594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5144075464432201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,falalabeline,2020/01/10,"I just want you all to know you’re not alone, we’re all suffering and I wish I could hug you and say it’ll be okay. I have a very dark past. I’m a csa survivor.
My ptsd has been really bad lately.

I’ve been robbed of my childhood and in my head I’m still stuck in that teen age. As if I’ve never developed into an adult mentally. 
Everything feels so fresh, I’m reliving the moment it all came out to the surface and resorting to old coping mechanisms. 
Every painful moment I think to myself “i don’t want to live my life like this” 

I’m trying so hard to recover and heal but every time I make progress it’s like I’ve gone back two steps. 
I’m having to fight even harder. 

One day maybe I’ll be in a place where I can love myself and move past it or maybe not

Things I would tell a friend is that it’s okay to be angry and upset, you’re valid, those feelings are valid. 
You didn’t deserve this and I’m sorry you had to go through so much pain. 
You are a warrior 
I love you and I believe in you. 

<3 sending out all my love especially with how alone and lonely I’m feeling. I don’t want others to be feeling like this too.",-0.2941280384397942,1.816401766393444,1.861051441492368,96.70565573770493,88.71311475409836,5.004861503674393,17.430186546071223,6.48374012150746,-0.2664924816280392,877,22,206,10,29,293,135,244,0.11599999999999999,0.6709999999999999,0.214,0.9708,0,4,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,7,0,1,10,17,1,1,8,2,20,9,1,2,5,40,45,18,0,7,6,0,5,3,1,2,4,1,0,1,13,15,0,0,6,0,0,6,6,7,0,2,7,6,26,10,21,31,5,29,0,2,0,4,16,10,0,2,16,120,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25711954414266064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544721484131073,0.10364217816583826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985040121476494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419700255357404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910656947161872,0.0,0.0,0.08005266421019222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198575539301155,0.0,0.20916736196043664,0.0,0.11155876246928148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25105255567774604,0.08867748125895565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590143180942574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054513168706361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119482496896592,0.0,0.12739173260299458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821782048274322,0.0,0.140022443171197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767568588949276,0.18192886038702066,0.0,0.10960780892742474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360926651094641,0.0,0.08285679000099448,0.0,0.2494076821702334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509241174159674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192903464516925,0.09124878759060633,0.0,0.09573561199795484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025206242681867,0.0,0.08411273724216423,0.0,0.26416311840898266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369895471765191,0.0,0.0,0.12968794507692594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509966566558125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795199458599279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871202775336492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895178103751338,0.0,0.0,0.09912924310724383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084938487688051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824655119393139,0.07953658098939176,0.0,0.0,0.07238037231974896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427515676527254,0.0,0.1212555845744676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241907703173317,0.21964275492139507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427417393050141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881773807201228,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,blackkitten69,2020/01/10,"I'm free 🤘 Just got out of a horrible relationship! He lied and cheated, gaslighted, manipulated me and made me feel less than human For 2 and half years. I feel like I have been freed. I am happy. I deserve to be treated with love and respected.",1.1088435374149626,3.615679918367346,3.4888775510204084,84.5948129251701,86.55102040816327,6.531972789115647,24.493197278911573,7.793537801064563,1.5849564625850343,192,8,39,4,6,66,40,49,0.191,0.494,0.315,0.8313,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,11,10,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,6,8,6,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871791569594384,0.2735209951752131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062145370597587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075701344203379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870499787081884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455533427679769,0.3622789847550533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41105697691798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465544567341006
ptsd,SLKruzsh,2020/01/10,"Black hole (Triggers) Just curious and wondering about getting some feedback on memory loss...So here goes: After multiple armed robberies, (the last one apprx 15 years ago; PTSD was untreated and I went into a whole different industry where I did not have hardly any triggers). And had a PTSD reoccurrence when I took a job that brought on all my triggers at once. I got 10 free sessions with a therapist (2nd round of EMDR) and of course put on medication. There is a free mental health clinic that I will be looking at to help myself further.. 
 I find that I have zero memory of the afterwards parts. I do not remember if Justice was served, I don't not even remember my witness statement, the date, the year etc.. I have recently sent away to gather the information with a police file I requested last year. I'm not sure if it is healthy or not but I feel the need to find out every little detail so I can begin therapy and start some closure on this so I do not have recurrences of my PTSD. Has this happened to anybody? Any advice would be appreciated. I feel that in order to move forward better I need to find out details. I'm not sure if this is normal or not? And I definitely do not want to be a person stuck in the past, but I feel strongly that in order to move forward in my life I need to try and understand / get some closure.
TYIA for any help.",4.427706766917293,5.627327560150377,5.706842105263162,79.08289473684212,70.39097744360902,8.908270676691727,29.78947368421053,9.276330184999452,2.618544360902256,1065,42,203,22,19,357,148,266,0.049,0.856,0.095,0.9182,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,14,0,22,5,1,3,3,56,45,17,0,9,17,0,5,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,12,0,2,9,10,0,0,2,10,7,24,8,32,30,7,42,0,0,3,0,7,19,0,9,16,141,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049881855200158,0.0952382256290066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918669241418087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094251387693216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502109911065104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122509285874217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982292878302568,0.07096247201964613,0.0,0.09052202421864798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629732189970889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945920058448452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226492705560856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592881428198086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500798742086312,0.0,0.09624427582284976,0.0,0.0,0.11420267444839673,0.0,0.0,0.14402824633286349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661666815470644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515431306834087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588737064032408,0.0,0.1076821423898002,0.0,0.0,0.09022173359979792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823352869616623,0.10827328144420288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283813910040467,0.0,0.23899405833110526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526744681417716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441907017157868,0.07280347341352557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634600944770468,0.1025627197666575,0.0,0.09381162479321216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767714616580152,0.10800590912039644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608308953282868,0.0,0.24341497453967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760459048347529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252004565685414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286590457406403,0.1247450052157855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193687255943286,0.07294405504028217,0.0,0.0,0.11184782870618752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633703288890925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959706559741646,0.0,0.11995185024497118,0.0,0.0,0.1165130548216594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632161077399513,0.0,0.0,0.20756165588864264
ptsd,flockofnarwhals,2020/01/10,"Spinning out I was doing really well all week with my therapies and meds and remembering to eat. Yesterday I let my job know i would be ready to come back next week (I have been on FMLA) and decided to do some therapeutic writing based on one of my workbooks. Brought up way too much too fast.  

Ended up having a horrible flashback in front of my husband. Then today had to talk to HR and their questions made me feel like I am never going to be the insightful, analytical person I was. i have been circling the drain with thoughts of self harm until I ended up slapping myself repeatedly so hard that my neck feels wonky. Better than what I wanted to do.

I know this is temporary. I know that.  But damn.  I need a win. Or a grounding exercise. And a hug.",2.632065637065637,4.840345797297296,4.399073359073358,82.35229729729733,77.51351351351352,7.4718146718146725,25.43629343629344,8.418075326091056,1.8706509652509644,590,22,114,12,14,199,102,148,0.076,0.81,0.113,0.6835,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,5,7,1,0,6,0,17,4,1,1,2,29,29,10,0,3,2,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,9,1,0,10,1,0,4,1,2,1,1,8,3,20,5,21,17,3,26,0,0,0,1,7,8,1,3,14,86,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488647726896105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551439586165633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110804141094986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949755580624566,0.0,0.0,0.310738550860223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773943582379121,0.12531945620405682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969472988356397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714107798262242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407641152169698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892172864503853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937793782218628,0.0,0.08570092251848767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598581521896766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485109974877265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895323906123474,0.13007105664728216,0.135294041560688,0.0,0.18656022692434454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188685373261906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316921158449606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650956381434787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237798177241064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871566994114745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830004023144736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099524595185836,0.0,0.0,0.2006070545703521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926318880294458,0.0,0.0,0.1662768169630011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034667434359886,0.13923953439650774,0.2814212779913489,0.0,0.15772285816710924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461271164293343,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,aulei,2020/01/10,"Reverting back to childhood after severe trauma and loss?  I lost my twin sister almost 6 months ago due to an ATV crash. Previous to losing her, I went through some other severe trauma. Now, and for the past couple months, I've been wanting to do things I did in my childhood when I was younger for some reason. Instead of wanting to do things that normal teen girls would do, I find myself wanting to play with my old doll's hair, play Webkinz, hold a little baby doll, and do other things I used to do when I was 10 and younger. I'm not sure why this is. I suddenly want to go back to all the little kid things. Has this happened to anyone else, where after trauma you suddenly find yourself being attached to little kid stuff again?",6.508125,6.197359118055558,6.507777777777778,80.465,65.45833333333333,8.311111111111114,29.805555555555557,7.1686216300943375,1.7507805555555556,579,17,108,4,8,184,89,144,0.172,0.787,0.040999999999999995,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,3,8,9,0,0,4,0,13,1,1,2,2,22,23,6,0,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,10,5,0,1,3,2,0,2,1,6,0,0,6,1,14,3,19,15,3,25,0,3,0,0,6,5,0,3,18,76,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178605821379848,0.0,0.13757410726237992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606479389506203,0.1407701096818317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112855848460736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520170662048934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147699370713028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511400503749893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780806932466581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149164067677685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130962197707063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370188529621118,0.1499750907205172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932337589873802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346109434637,0.0,0.0,0.1441654595841937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115226871953994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125761340081436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31041837686379603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572762426408566,0.0,0.0,0.12948644258611028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650975871574113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865900909084412,0.0,0.0,0.3241397038696624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735993293302378,0.12397118434472325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759640177359308,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BadWolf1973,2020/01/10,"What is normal? This actually started out as a comment under a post here that was about a Congressman who said that only the military can have PTSD.  In pointing out the fact that the statement came from a Republican and their history with the disease, I came away with a perspective on it that I'd like to share.  Please note I'm not saying this perspective should be everyone's.  Everybody's pain is different.  What brings you to awareness on it and how that helps you could be something different.  This is just my perspective on it.

If you have so little empathy left in you that you can't see someone else's pain, as this particular politician clearly exhibits?  Then there's a pretty good chance that person has just given into their own pain.  It's personal.  It's THEIRS and nobody else's.  Unless you got the wound from the same general trauma as them (because this nonsense transcends this one situation) then you can't possibly have what they have.  People who hold onto their pain that tightly?  They're lost and it's very doubtful that they'll ever find their way back to humanity.  Which, when you get right down to it, is what we're all striving to learn.  We just want to be like everyone else.  I've learned to look at it a different way.  

We know we're broken while a lot of people haven't figured that fact out yet.  Especially when you add in the whole, ""I can't have PTSD because I'm not in the military"" mindset.  The reason I can say this is seeing it from that perspective is what helped me breakthrough.  PTSD keeps you in this constant state of fight or flight.  It's why things seem to trigger us so easily.  We're so close to being in the red, as far as anxiety goes, on just a day to day basis.  Anything on top of that spikes the meter and overwhelms the many dams we put up to hold that anxiety back.  It wasn't until I realized that failures were okay that I began to see another pattern.  There were anxiety spikes from just simple bad habits.  Things I knew I shouldn't be doing, but was because of...let's go with ""the bad lessons I was taught"" here to keep the triggers at a minimum.  And, of course, there were those from my own bad habits that I developed in an attempt to self medicate over the years.  Generally with food, as a lot of us do.  Just all of the, ""I know I shouldn't do this, but I just need some sliver of light in my life right now"" that we do.

But most people don't pick up on the self medication that they do because they deny the mental illness.  They don't pick up on the bad habits, the outbursts of anger, and the relentless anxiety.  They just try to stubborn it away.  We know that will end badly.  They don't.  Nor will they ever learn it.  The truth is, ""normal"" doesn't mean healthy.  We're all different.  There's no way to base a ""normal"" behavior on a human.  Environments shape us.  There is only what is normal for you.  They'll never understand that either.  Because, ironically, the community will always take precedence.  But, it's what they think the community should be, not the actual health of its members are.  Think like everyone else and you'll be fine.  

What PTSD did, for us, is break us completely.  There's no band-aid for this.  There's no skill we've learned from society that has helped  us deal with it.  And, quite frankly, we're all a bit pissed off because we weren't told this was remotely possible to happen to a person.  To be put through so much trauma that you can no longer tell that it's over?  Not something covered at Sunday School.  Everyone says it doesn't exist.  Might I remind you that you're part of ""everyone"".  It's kind of why we're broken now.  Society says pain stops at 10.  We know it goes to 11.  There are many paths to finding that factoid out.  War will most definitely do the job.  It's pretty efficient at it.  But so are abusive parents or spouses.  So are violent criminals.  So are witnessing things that nobody could be prepared for.  No matter where it came from, the diagnosing of it is pretty much the same.  If it mattered that much, it would be the first thing your therapist would have asked you about.

We understand pain now.  We understand how damaging lies are.  How damaging bad habits can be.  We see the pain it causes thanks to being so close to the red on the meter all the time.  Anything painful spikes us.  I think the normal most of us wish for is the normal we enjoyed before we began seeing the world as we do now.  When we would just wave pain off.  When it wasn't that bad for us as well.  When bad behavior on our own part didn't cost us this much guilt.  This much shame.  This much pain.

I'm 46 now.  The generations before me?  There were very limited people you'd get your perspective on life from.  There was your parents and your preacher.  They trumped everything else.  And if they told you that the pain you were in was because you didn't love God enough?  What do you think they believed?  There was no Mr. Rogers telling them they were good.  There was no Sesame Street teaching kids how to better use their imaginations.  No internet to search for those who also have the same problem.  No web community to counter the local ones.  Nobody to explain to them, ""Hey, you're broken"".

But, once I realized that fact?  That's when I started to get better.  I began acknowledging the bad behavior and then forgiving myself for it.  I understood that it's a habit that I've been doing for awhile now.  There's a rut in the floor of my mind from how often that habit has been turned to.  So cold turkey probably won't work.  Just keep honestly trying to do better and trying to learn from the failures.  I'd ask myself why I was doing the habit before I'd go ahead and do it.  That's just how I have to live my life now.  I have to just be honest, accepting of criticism, and hold myself accountable no matter what anyone else is doing.  I know they're only hurting themselves.  

So, what is normal?  To see the pain or to not see it?  Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss.  Makes me wonder if the story of Adam and Eve was really about PTSD, myself.  Awareness isn't always a gift.  Especially if you're still stuck in the trauma.  I'm honestly unsure as to what the answer to the question is.  Suppose that's up to you.  I just know what works for me.",3.0628948795589075,5.1528725344827615,3.939410222804721,86.72164482306684,75.70771756978655,7.294026905289162,24.06429550624425,8.203455764234347,1.4138211446046307,4889,157,975,86,109,1566,413,1218,0.183,0.735,0.08199999999999999,-0.9993,7,0,2,0,1,0,161.0,25,25,23,14,70,62,6,4,68,1,117,24,1,14,13,193,185,69,1,25,34,3,1,3,0,16,21,5,0,9,105,46,1,11,38,0,2,8,35,40,1,3,40,18,109,22,141,113,29,118,0,5,10,1,111,62,1,20,45,685,214,11,0.0,0.039930251881872963,0.06577475715201353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02695072997426976,0.05608397260934677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0353385057182787,0.1031248917215146,0.0,0.0,0.02356456864741472,0.03453072430182076,0.05546621092285325,0.0,0.06301189402927722,0.0,0.06332652098093637,0.05182807838793886,0.2532508386381861,0.14380699746007114,0.0,0.0860313738419637,0.03796956028939274,0.0,0.08941756147164953,0.03679283512182326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563512289652568,0.0,0.034620277743879144,0.0,0.0,0.035334926078634116,0.03641887937693368,0.0,0.05381511718151908,0.0,0.0,0.043468798568373344,0.03474431881163787,0.0,0.034205872169208285,0.0,0.1408417625300574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689174952312181,0.0,0.029849141104087738,0.03482220961432419,0.0,0.0,0.06096908649218229,0.0,0.16101406198030727,0.030288344692572976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061604326800942875,0.02866610917232344,0.04075146228074585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052822247427465864,0.0,0.038306184429198725,0.05653370975672865,0.026953820801060808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02980174099933305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0358226567863798,0.0,0.0,0.06776734162549335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03607768773317601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03344310743562465,0.08986516669314741,0.0,0.03509447374943149,0.11112734572650014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03661630636854177,0.034461622880021636,0.07141217784958682,0.049393915018072866,0.03377732130603397,0.029758658345691674,0.0,0.028300407263037838,0.0,0.03678869414477074,0.057302881601551475,0.030416527469948093,0.0,0.022495722972557086,0.0683351818281478,0.0,0.03671034023044427,0.0,0.06790055609448091,0.03396274753673456,0.03575150485284628,0.03402846914925666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864496540563646,0.024988913108299537,0.02599233938568409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23113922203237766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03589053496663284,0.04567342846471608,0.07689353702185807,0.4303237186396392,0.0,0.07484209016485438,0.0729899397722649,0.0,0.09345630207325796,0.08827941168028547,0.0,0.036993649774750566,0.031858400127019966,0.07598577554295914,0.03227630499762312,0.10285829836206184,0.036335448711773286,0.03224736833868088,0.1969737110371034,0.06775775842393518,0.03775290630891625,0.03584523159820758,0.0,0.0,0.021589765580300728,0.034650308328247614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756105174404701,0.032057430839846975,0.10720176006685324,0.0,0.034107277588326115,0.18798770186961286,0.03068018438713473,0.07031512267361582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03788140973937293,0.0,0.0,0.02855480350799136,0.05188945354833209,0.0,0.0,0.047707575362186234,0.0,0.026913714511424543,0.028175599864770837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02533900717225571,0.0,0.05891243351571429,0.031027413311787825,0.0,0.03912953465620855,0.08955796194154461,0.08637712815571216,0.0,0.0,0.01965136236071985,0.0,0.0,0.0644056247921229,0.0,0.06864243401310757,0.03665708185433628,0.0,0.10525199342474252,0.4053823239870981,0.029106900165838293,0.0,0.055613817141195086,0.019877761647865148,0.0802510116230486,0.0,0.0,0.030301305298213694,0.0,0.09122990948121,0.03762603619373605,0.038754562227042835,0.0,0.03654736803817079,0.04906955425055405,0.0,0.0,0.07182081018713507,0.0,0.0,0.021702381305355668
ptsd,a_quick_glance,2020/01/10,"Has anyone’s PTSD got significantly better after getting a dog? I got a dog a week ago and my PTSD has been under control so much lately. I have had nightmares still but I feel so much happier and I can move on quicker and calm down when I have instructive thoughts. 

Also, I’m so preoccupied thinking about her that I don’t have as much time to ruminate and feel scared. 

I love her and I’m so grateful for her! She makes my house a home and I feel safer with her here.",1.3374226804123737,3.516641556701032,3.034237113402064,90.58537628865984,81.88659793814433,5.9418556701030925,22.07113402061856,7.1686216300943375,0.6518915463917523,369,12,80,5,10,122,62,97,0.037000000000000005,0.7190000000000001,0.243,0.9725,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,4,0,9,1,0,2,0,15,21,14,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,15,3,9,16,3,11,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,7,56,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437984281142334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829492217833345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966275410983727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400508548345175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798479447169585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812894921580089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688384543472794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966238585684439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600971036290184,0.0,0.0,0.2139708728797876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918245225065984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736528392356878,0.0,0.12378148906339932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970915402211436,0.4089554085932916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335348419476901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856560640672021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809124661231846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882135947772544,0.0,0.14721727734673518,0.1081305498872723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874739940052653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,seh0595,2020/01/10,"Triggered by feeling full? For some reason, my ptsd gets triggered whenever I eat food quickly/to the point of feeling full. I don’t understand, as my ptsd is from a sexual assault and had absolutely nothing to do with food. I wasn’t even feeling full when it happened. It just seems completely arbitrary and I hate it! 

I’ve never had issues with food and don’t feel anxiety when I start eating....it’s purely from feeling full. Obviously I don’t want to limit the amount that I eat to avoid this (I have a very high metabolism and struggle to keep weight on as it is), but I also hate feeling that way!!!",3.3599999999999994,5.2322739495798345,4.817386554621852,81.71952521008407,74.21008403361343,7.785210084033612,28.70672268907564,8.548686976883017,2.2573690756302525,476,20,91,9,10,159,70,119,0.142,0.7879999999999999,0.07,-0.9041,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,3,2,4,0,10,6,0,3,3,27,25,10,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,6,3,9,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,7,11,0,14,22,6,12,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,4,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001173228301904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523785432355423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423566381000372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815293671163706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086125353863088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173459731561123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.499037201907081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187272166809175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164943790081265,0.0,0.0,0.2716365109415605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453463645522485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435834918511972,0.0,0.12227526142772295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060996227054784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199858928118136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300446328943631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216153207886342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144108330166022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523520640863745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973701456997176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438141811288762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321138529397212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350661686000775,0.08114017671797237,0.10919373754186512,0.0,0.16751871090449952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nodnizzle,2020/01/10,"Leaving My House For Two Days Was A Success I isolate all the time. The only time I leave my room is to play on my PS4 in the living room which isn't that different from sitting in my room.

Anyways, I stayed at a place with my wife for a couple of days. I won't lie, I had a lot of anxiety and took a little extra medication but I'm proud of the fact that I got out for more than a few hours. I haven't left the house for this long for over 5 years now.

Just sharing to let people know that it is possible to get out when you're full of anxiety and hate leaving. If I can do it, you can too. Maybe with the help of extra meds but it still counts ;)",2.917101787101785,2.8137433986013995,4.4696037296037305,91.317567987568,73.05594405594404,7.754156954156954,24.28049728049728,7.3871296695380915,0.7110627816627817,498,12,124,5,9,168,88,143,0.077,0.797,0.126,0.8338,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,6,5,1,0,12,0,11,1,0,0,2,14,17,6,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,8,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,0,14,4,24,11,7,27,0,0,0,0,4,14,0,2,10,88,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23257076968501275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819349922969498,0.0,0.19606463137202484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881557094801552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941768817479372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157435018856474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007601786995586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188747862420036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496968495440099,0.35079268343665976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835393922108161,0.0,0.0,0.4828622463326559,0.1651566835706525,0.15543805232678246,0.0,0.0,0.15235153187372336,0.13422548059377865,0.1345219274518522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129231411124591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271204821385587,0.0,0.1688461569265223,0.15313164774590732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156086165066046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538291843150664,0.0,0.15881557094801552,0.0,0.0,0.17136571014165494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620198581008986,0.1213934520466282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727368798344978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688860176674261,0.0,0.0,0.1484893209111053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788789961233366
ptsd,ClassicAttitude8,2020/01/10,"Spaced out? Anyone ever feel spaced out?
Like I’m using my phone and I’m just caught in my thoughts and just out of touch with everyone.
I find myself mute in some situations, and just disconnected from everyone.",2.587500000000002,5.490152750000004,3.4600000000000013,84.50500000000002,84.0,7.2,20.5,8.238735603445708,1.4028499999999997,170,5,32,4,5,54,27,40,0.0,0.9259999999999999,0.07400000000000001,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,16,6,3,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,8,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,2,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23400237472403285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027195455472689,0.0,0.6395648217645289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921438388835794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058735973568851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349819629754733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761723785204905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26568302313215325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890391868220662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WilliamStorm,2020/01/10,"Anyone have issues with feeling faint or losing consciousness. I have ptsd, panic and anxiety disorder, along with agoraphobia. Some days I feel decent. Other days I feel like I will black out and it comes on suddenly. These happen at home and in public. My limit outside my home is about 1-2 hours max before I have to come home or I get the shakes and really bad panic attacks. Does anyone else experience this and any suggestions on how I can not have these happen.",3.3693434343434348,6.0289579545454535,4.582424242424242,79.62419191919194,77.4090909090909,7.547474747474749,21.141414141414145,8.515128840125781,1.6146171717171716,372,10,64,8,9,122,63,88,0.215,0.743,0.042,-0.9482,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,1,3,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,21,15,8,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,5,11,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,0,4,9,1,10,14,1,12,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,3,5,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590054411582807,0.0,0.11913167821581787,0.0,0.0,0.21777761411701427,0.15956198614753672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771633559416918,0.0,0.0,0.13002657656872574,0.0,0.0,0.1325132632728195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26829218122152343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086366490294344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784780559945377,0.0,0.13627883324502546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009096285081898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233210172962136,0.0,0.0,0.2362226334729312,0.11125228657766582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136157854314728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27541993865777786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686243694675189,0.0,0.15336094844551676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253982427017075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608095247774048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422006808061474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654270748789745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820379803054056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976349891597447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AlpacaOnTheMoon,2020/01/10,"First heartbreak since abusive relationship As the title says I'm in the middle of my first heartbreak since my abusive relationship from a few years ago. I'm struggling a lot and just need to reach out for some support. I've made a lot of progress in therapy but this has set me back, at least temporarily, much more than expected.",9.106190476190477,7.802977396825397,8.333333333333332,72.72000000000001,60.74603174603176,11.574603174603176,40.04761904761904,10.504223727775694,4.047152380952381,268,12,50,5,3,84,48,63,0.18,0.747,0.073,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,6,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,3,1,11,5,7,11,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,3,5,34,4,0,0.0,0.4573460643339122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108254962051228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840482188063714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32833081665783465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281628106553337,0.0,0.1826209405199702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187695357818847,0.14310679902386375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41441880368971695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534810724500493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193026187775928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017651445905558,0.0,0.0,0.2190137218513548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207119260898885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242854503653174
ptsd,HumanNumber57,2020/01/10,"Just need somewhere to talk about this (TW: grooming, sexual assault) Throughout my life, I have met 4 different boys and men who have taken advantage of me. Most of the time, I feel like I deserved it all to happen, since it happened so many times that it has to be my fault. My therapist said that it isn't my fault but I don't understand how she could be right when there's absolutely a pattern. 

When I was 10, I was molested by a boy five years older than me. 

When I was 16, I was assaulted at a party (probably my fault because I was a little bit tipsy) 

When I was 17, I was groomed by a manager at work. He was slightly more than twice my age and I was just trying to be polite, since he was my superior. I know I was old enough to, but I didn't really understand why the attention was wrong or who to talk to about it, so I just kind of went along with it. 

When I was 18, I was drugged and raped by a boyfriend multiple times. 

I'm 23 now, and I live in fear of it happening all over again because of my shitty choices. I can't do the normal tasks that my peers do because everything just feels overwhelming, even getting out of bed. I deflect my anger and insecurities onto those around me, thusly ruining relationships that are otherwise healthy and good. 

I hate this. I hate being this way. I just want to escape from my own body, to peel back the skin and start over. It feels like I'm just laying in a huge heap of dead bodies except the dead bodies are all me.",4.392182199685262,4.678901063122929,5.5638363350236055,83.38915020108412,69.93023255813954,9.260430145130266,28.46668998076587,9.276330184999452,2.1421388704318938,1144,38,247,22,19,382,163,301,0.20600000000000002,0.708,0.086,-0.9936,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,2,22,21,7,3,12,0,30,7,4,1,3,37,51,18,2,4,10,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,1,3,18,11,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,15,0,2,19,5,40,6,36,27,8,30,0,2,0,1,13,12,0,2,18,174,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046420073387687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903866083192138,0.0,0.2149672062593308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833119345916408,0.3917056117888493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938519441513872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228118967628416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631753469519414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145777034835775,0.0,0.07763887477265273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564392250367607,0.0,0.0,0.13227337851810328,0.17830632136811778,0.16795161134064948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061413606128449885,0.0,0.0,0.09859308775381284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31184003436610863,0.0,0.0,0.23210722101369236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240741125748472,0.06460091507767539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302712544087867,0.1148553342501195,0.11781326284600233,0.1037964084203163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191744997391304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715982423798914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517138408848142,0.0,0.0,0.12334610463926415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267358572019997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530380233678159,0.0,0.0,0.12620179592057731,0.0,0.1003847412494832,0.11181438846151924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447266182471032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320057509839675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889601141456216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648146073294834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056283058779981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798068921995003,0.0,0.0,0.2447417436108677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933243570714327,0.0933035654341526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896751315964168,0.1060681436492593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557582527457512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851950598860987,0.0,0.0756965992047239
ptsd,lizster4,2020/01/10,A step toward healing Have any of you tried writing about your experiences and victories as a way of healing? I recently started a blog in hopes it helps me heal. Please tell me what you think,4.3404504504504535,6.2731207027027045,4.847027027027028,82.27882882882884,71.70270270270271,8.176576576576577,31.25225225225225,8.841846274778883,2.646863063063064,154,7,29,3,3,49,31,37,0.0,0.7959999999999999,0.204,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,6,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434687046246127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502163259925346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399760462949633,0.0,0.0,0.35559877219204383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39300301286832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535056636877778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25341134178626795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129288946623869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22940742407685805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24307490197212736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841829119828653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SvenGyllen,2020/01/10,"Asking for tips for stopping self punishment behavior I have complex PTSD, and I’ve experienced night terrors that have recently reopened the experiences that led to this. As a result I’ve been self punishing for days without realizing it. I.e., making myself sleep in my floor, restricting what/how much I’m eating, and not allowing myself sleep even though I’m beyond exhausted. It’s been three days, and as much as I want to sleep I’m terrified of my night terrors. 

I’ve not found any advice from professionals that genuinely works, and I assume it’s from not actually having PTSD. I feel that tips from people with it will have a better impact. I could really use any suggestions/tips on how to stop myself from slipping into that behavior, if anyone has any that have experienced the same thing.",6.68244897959184,8.105799047619051,7.160687074829934,69.9063367346939,65.3265306122449,10.777959183673469,31.026530612244898,10.793553405168565,3.7118195918367336,648,24,106,18,10,212,86,147,0.179,0.7929999999999999,0.027999999999999997,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,2,2,4,0,10,5,3,6,0,28,19,10,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,12,6,1,3,5,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,3,10,1,20,14,3,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,7,71,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.14085743579145887,0.0,0.0,0.14104979785929025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29447350199773203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092761597083397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494073108950158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765919094172465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152457225419586,0.0,0.0,0.18617791287699398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769838899673415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533684465913914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119463954762898,0.0,0.0,0.07298389332145293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826407562997466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963497241613884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221665754395064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27091127306634905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006889906235199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374572624071156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246948679571863,0.0,0.14252078232213858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011613666403083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4333401578999246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24135354781564874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589472785616254,0.0,0.14181575067706867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466555556328532,0.0,0.0,0.08513693265399994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914099684809916,0.0,0.10508304228609887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,supahsassy146,2020/01/10,"Please help- Currently in some sort of shock I have not been diagnosed with PTSD, I just endured a very stressful and emotional event and from what I can assume I’m in shock (not as much as I was immediately after the event, I can write and read alright). I’ve never experienced anything like this, it is 1 AM and everyone is asleep and I have no idea what to do. I really need help and I’m hoping to find some guidance and explanation. If this is not the proper subreddit please direct me to a correct one.",2.881210121012103,4.90746066336634,4.55894389438944,82.36523652365237,76.02970297029701,8.053245324532451,25.083608360836077,8.841846274778883,1.9333357535753577,401,14,80,9,9,135,67,101,0.13,0.731,0.139,-0.0065,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,4,1,11,2,1,0,2,24,15,10,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,1,8,3,11,13,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,6,6,57,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064415339707432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228055861904661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24692757974084226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097583262135002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063496812557388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29427583273317826,0.0,0.0,0.21803035432354684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478084760072077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724513552725196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137058030871107,0.16276940420683822,0.16930538664943287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875070210269284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819284702120712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25660414641460144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21957684985491188,0.0,0.1406284965352775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514564919381818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811248821128972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Yuri_05,2020/01/10,"Symptoms i have questions about So i think i have ptsd from being raped like a year and a half ago and im happy to have gotten away from him and im in a relationship now and sometimes when we have sex i start to have bad anxiety like im on high alert. Then i start to feel confused and scared and my boyfriend is very helpful. But nothing helps, i start to cry i cant really move or talk. I think everything is my fault because i ruin the moment, and i can shake badly or make noises with my mouth or start moving around my arms like im living in a dream but my eyes are always closed. When i try to talk nothing comes out but when stuff does it sounds like ive never talked before. I stutter, move my mouth weird, spread words into pieces. I just want to know if these are normal and what my bf and i could do to try and help me in those situations.",2.9200769230769232,3.817785588888892,3.9044444444444473,91.73115384615384,73.66666666666667,6.649572649572653,21.62393162393163,6.67199483983844,0.22502136752136748,666,14,152,5,13,215,108,180,0.13,0.741,0.129,0.1937,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,8,15,1,3,5,0,15,7,4,1,1,37,27,22,0,4,8,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,17,0,0,5,1,0,5,2,10,0,1,1,3,25,5,19,24,1,28,0,1,1,2,11,10,0,6,17,95,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540506545914253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955449589569876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233455355193252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958110730022122,0.0,0.0,0.10111934656945128,0.0,0.17972852044068227,0.06560857414656926,0.0,0.09158286473151224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271134803595553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859316033892313,0.0,0.11822348305347985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418533392504178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672843467605882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054419572686679886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457121157651093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164208359395441,0.1137141013823138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650236063937682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059149123262505814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032495638020254,0.0,0.09503683575498367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184202676402042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431722097060195,0.0,0.0,0.08300877211565158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545185599262756,0.2065425029388593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581049862144056,0.0,0.12056715442190638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894877388653155,0.0,0.0,0.115551390779532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775365544994464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097754118304313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644610471600684,0.0,0.30471649301494863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320745448528553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186592505681564,0.0,0.2595201260661166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379263951714755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614367917946278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880375492668413,0.06348134203363279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930842189354677
ptsd,thefreshbraincompany,2020/01/10,"Discount code for free access to www.helpforflashbacks.com Please use discount code: **11A85ED1BC** for 1-year free access to [www.helpforflashbacks.com](https://www.helpforflashbacks.com)   
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ptsd,broken_vases,2020/01/10,"Stellate Ganglion Block Treatment I’m wondering if anyone has any experience with stellate ganglion block? I had a consultation and am planning to get the treatment regardless, but I was hoping to hear some stories of what it was like for others? I don’t personally know anyone else with PTSD and I feel really uneasy considering I can’t ask someone how they felt.

Also, not sure if this is relevant but about two years ago I was struck in a crosswalk by a car and sustained a pretty serious head injury. Since then I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD. I don’t have a very severe case but I do get nightmares most nights when I’m away at school and bad anxiety associated with crosswalks and specifically the sound or feeling of cars zooming by. I’ve been in therapy but so far there hasn’t been a ton of improvement.
(I apologize if this wasn’t the place for this post I didn’t know where else it would go)",4.8405406593406575,6.394265634285716,5.708000000000002,78.11553846153846,69.8,9.041758241758243,30.60439560439561,9.466822959209583,2.8457692307692315,726,30,135,16,13,238,110,175,0.159,0.7390000000000001,0.10300000000000001,-0.8493,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,5,0,0,9,0,19,2,1,1,1,33,33,18,0,6,9,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,7,9,0,2,6,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,10,5,11,3,18,22,3,16,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,8,6,89,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384061816187533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486283951311185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061786306857698,0.0,0.11944450871204468,0.0,0.0,0.2183494811477791,0.15998098347933826,0.0,0.0,0.14596717823796224,0.0,0.14669601219921344,0.0,0.13036801621836264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847594225267722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26086514314762266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273211394878122,0.0,0.0,0.1578952904573639,0.0,0.14991617006856955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315045540644982,0.0,0.08873635265740704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024178337412298,0.0,0.17597793980882434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507944137258653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161781206190438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628073512559254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465241582844277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633295552626407,0.16313011195173446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953624984711242,0.15884763558334614,0.0,0.0,0.3650319956900434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002547008383353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801915316602522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763905609400096,0.0,0.129158281612891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229451859562755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471574361843407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855646292144897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252332878489902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882951836633402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932410195692296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091536672858894,0.0,0.0,0.10054721918738703
ptsd,IrateAWING,2020/01/10,"NSFW [trigger warning] Abused in my sleep this event keeps replaying in my head and i need a place to let it out.. i let a couple into my home to stay there for 2 weeks while in the process of moving (this is it’s own story.. but they ended up staying for a month and would’ve been longer but i kicked them out.) the first time, the guy in the couple had been very flirtatious with me and i brushed it off. i shouldn’t have. i woke up to him in the middle of the night removing the covers from my bed very slowly. i told him to get out and pulled the covers back on and turned over. he stood still, hoping i would instantly fall back asleep and waited about 30 seconds before trying to remove the covers again. i jumped up and shoved him out of my room. i felt ashamed. i didn’t know if i should tell the girlfriend. i didn’t know what to do. i kept this to myself but did not speak to him anymore. the next time it happened, i am unsure because i did not wake up for it. i had a couple glasses of wine, i think he took advantage of that and was successful in raping me in my sleep. i woke up with my underwear on the ground and was bleeding badly (not on my period). i confronted him about it the next night and he brushed it off like i was crazy and was “probably just horny and fingered myself in my sleep.” i believed him. i did not say anything to anyone. the next time it happened was similar to the first except i had had enough and yelled at him. it was around 4am, i started yelling and made them leave within the hour. i had to explain what happened to the girlfriend and she took the boyfriends side that i was lying and none of it happened. i was in shock when she said this. i feel ashamed of myself for letting this go on so long. my brother continued to talk about the guy because they would play video games together and it kept making me think about what he had done. i had to explain to my brother what happened which was extremely uncomfortable but he was so amazing and supportive and didn’t speak to or about him anymore. i have troubles sleeping now because of it. i can’t sleep more than a couple hours without jolting awake and scanning the room.",3.270491539081388,4.696957365296804,3.8204190169218393,90.61694601128126,73.5205479452055,6.61412839108246,25.43943056674725,7.048011613610866,0.9342262154176736,1698,55,359,16,34,534,195,438,0.10300000000000001,0.83,0.067,-0.946,0,0,1,0,2,0,41.0,0,0,4,4,16,14,2,2,25,0,39,12,9,3,0,62,72,30,0,7,13,2,3,1,2,4,1,6,4,2,24,28,1,4,8,4,0,9,11,7,0,3,37,12,63,7,68,28,4,73,0,0,1,1,35,35,0,3,28,267,87,1,0.0,0.09297392442481417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556419840902227,0.05486793399173809,0.0,0.0645739891364576,0.0698547907971768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067692078123575,0.06551903554707134,0.14350345146652846,0.0,0.06677205103713027,0.0884086341161302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473015249794445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030188658678758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950098379962673,0.08108031711307488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03967670694192109,0.0,0.07534334847399403,0.0,0.0,0.13349280518568366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040997250696027804,0.0,0.044596216255526684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539494971350504,0.3469530850439893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053269049848806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871164375676105,0.0779382530059494,0.15455396424166362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974759589353663,0.0,0.0,0.08624993963366565,0.0,0.0,0.08308822639517922,0.0,0.24072217205257146,0.0,0.03833639830707552,0.0,0.0,0.06944333574301724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425005634199879,0.052379224997615374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263387461593088,0.08340101745812956,0.0,0.05818438926111558,0.0,0.0,0.250360683086715,0.1472772511788812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819842773848849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460375537985866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464278364621818,0.06240236330181626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39263253093010986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554135395059491,0.16727680930922906,0.06266611255994008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904664022007742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307108196003937,0.06858609554449661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005606051389248,0.0,0.0,0.13726917759311455,0.0,0.0,0.07498129124842998,0.17436575061530954,0.053275867890423184,0.08535264861443258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949166579658386,0.0,0.0,0.0629437693791173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564212190261509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722816069935614,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway9999-22222,2020/01/10,"Does anyone else has random bouts of amnesia? Question for y'all. I've had PTSD for about six months now and even though some of the biggest symptoms are starting to lessen (flashbacks, panic attacks with specific triggers), I keep getting those random bouts of memory blanking that I can't explain. 

I'll completely blank on everything that I learnt in the last 10 mins of studying with my friend five minutes later. I blanked on my good friend's name for two solid minutes and could only remember their deadname. Walked into class unable to recall for the life of me anything that had transpired in the previous class. Even my notes didn't ring a bell. They're small memory blanks but obvious, complete and inexplicable blanks. Like my memory was swiss cheese. It didn't do that before PTSD.

Is it dissociation? I didn't suspect it at first because I'm fully present when I'm memorizing the information-- there's just a 404 Error message in my brain when I try to retrieve them later. It happened again today even though I haven't had a single panic attack today thanks to my meds. Said panic attacks can occur hourly, daily or weekly, depending on God Knows What. Same for the amnesia. Any input would be really appreciated",5.585866666666664,7.7558233422222225,5.857444444444448,75.33150000000002,68.91111111111111,8.200000000000001,29.83333333333333,8.841846274778883,2.6858,992,39,160,18,18,316,150,225,0.106,0.7979999999999999,0.095,-0.6797,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,1,12,11,3,3,9,0,17,3,1,2,1,27,27,9,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,10,6,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,6,0,4,8,2,17,5,25,16,3,27,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,6,17,101,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967968845854058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192806085636739,0.12005461777567447,0.0964210118155119,0.0,0.0,0.3998937245949529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142580768953836,0.0,0.09970312827339586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080058622296994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457012489760285,0.0,0.0,0.09355079359629502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253634735417833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788058671244892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321692453335611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530493404486717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966483036145236,0.0,0.0,0.1810506629504914,0.0,0.0612165431720772,0.0,0.0,0.09827672389610284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361313575272793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115388950036742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414617182071106,0.0,0.0,0.06439362473743772,0.09550927301108456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276070938375471,0.05724339418336698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014957111547298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352405891529936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911314376042095,0.0,0.4124216129922684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27393116210039875,0.0,0.13125733179592766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506216875018594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273088655958246,0.0,0.11145560031432684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293360247890091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178460138869268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107874489198541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302380639847844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221271159575984,0.0,0.0,0.07955080917316154,0.0,0.11445816584512675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398678960643912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323427990283154,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hippocampfire,2020/01/10,"I want to forget. I just want to make it like it never happened. tw sexual abuse I’m sick of thinking about the fact that my youth was stolen from me. I’m sick of going back to what happened and seeing how innocent I was and feeling the pain that is empathy for my inner child. Why the fuck did he choose me? Why couldn’t he have left me alone? I was listening to Virginia Roberts talk about being trafficked by Epstein and how when she was out with Prince Andrew she said he smelled weird and got disgustingly sweaty. It reminded me of my predator. His smell was so strange...it’s honestly hard to describe. When he made physical contact with me for the first time he kissed me and I absolutely hated it. Being that close to him his musk was strong and I remember that smell distinctly and I replay that feeling it gave me over and over. I hate him, i fucking hate him. I’m trapped in my own personal hell every day with nightmares, flashbacks and disassociation. I want peace.",2.330441102756893,4.943572294736843,3.2164661654135362,88.11692982456141,81.3157894736842,6.355889724310777,24.83709273182957,7.62386473244151,1.3936040100250628,776,30,152,13,21,246,111,190,0.233,0.657,0.109,-0.9858,0,2,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,7,0,4,0,12,6,0,4,3,32,36,14,0,4,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,11,14,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,11,9,28,4,22,22,1,16,1,0,1,3,19,7,3,0,9,96,39,0,0.0,0.1900147449255689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609715671072972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233162656223728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034267539386602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351204328482949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621779309778932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364124483487244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965228923510052,0.0,0.0,0.0911431749155871,0.0,0.1282642393400006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836330825599852,0.0,0.14366192449411813,0.4750028170928315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424478401283244,0.0,0.0,0.07834971999675841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174798314492274,0.10704963933591384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368887010782155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706472490135841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003075447852578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816703559462677,0.0,0.1525506165606704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779582087847785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289010399954459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275998272228383,0.0,0.0,0.09351427628001632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837749048303664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28942179863924844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,heccin_anon,2020/01/10,Does anyone else get seizure-like spasms from stress or missing meds? I think I had a seizure today but I’m not sure. I occasionally get really bad dissociative attacks that involve an inability to construct sentences longer than three words. Basically I can answer yes and no questions and that’s it. I also just feel like I can’t move in a meaningful way (if that makes sense) and I lay there while my body spazzes out.,3.469750000000001,6.082838475000003,4.092500000000005,83.53250000000001,76.75,7.0,27.5,8.07648339933343,1.902,338,14,64,6,8,107,65,80,0.24100000000000002,0.634,0.125,-0.8829,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,3,1,3,1,1,1,1,17,10,8,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,1,8,2,5,9,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,3,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907424252751128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667770401269643,0.2443894509025829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713481846397618,0.0,0.0,0.19915221925723128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649392652230149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872834457952494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925083502722976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060165682117675,0.17039700924274487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492311857580133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652764326327945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921233904236287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649392652230149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25350644398855204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671942807271553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280047152115386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732210859238678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479999961975275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283243652815184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260867799391353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932415562739388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EmmieEmmies,2020/01/10,"Trigger causing so much guilt A lot of my ptsd comes from a very complicated birth. My daughter's heart stopped while I was having a sonogram. We were immediately taken for a c section, she was born, but there were a lot of complications. She was in the NICU for a month, and has life-long stuff because of it. 

Well, a few days ago, my niece gave birth to her baby boy, and there were complications. She has diabetes and hellp syndrome, so he was an emergency c section at 31 weeks. So he is in the NICU. 

I am trying so hard to be there for her. I talk to her, made stuff for the baby, walk her through some stuff, answer questions, went down for a visit. She posts the pictures and updates on facebook every day. But it is triggering me so badly. I hide it from her, and I am always there when she needs me. But it has brought back so much. I am having nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, the whole works, more frequently than usual. I don't know how much I can take all of this, but it makes me feel so guilty. 

I love my niece, so much. I want to be there for her through this, I get it that this is one of the hardest things to go through. But I don't know how much longer I can. I don't know what to do. And there is nobody else in the family she can turn to, because I am the only other one who has been through this, and we even went to the same hospital, so I know all the ins and outs and secrets. 

I just needed a minute to myself to freak out. Thank you all.",2.6912139474817067,3.8426431551155176,3.7234036447122953,91.83179509255275,74.54455445544555,6.589697230592626,24.065002152389155,6.895973343053719,0.6053020232458031,1128,33,257,10,23,364,150,303,0.111,0.843,0.046,-0.9632,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,2,1,0,1,22,8,1,2,20,0,31,3,1,7,3,46,53,27,0,3,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,18,14,0,1,8,0,0,7,3,5,1,2,14,2,40,3,37,37,17,34,0,0,0,1,26,11,0,4,15,202,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223330780724868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596400673661093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120480874835605,0.0,0.08868184317486945,0.0962959412245384,0.14060849962716845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847593571084784,0.0,0.0993467981534362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875694015842822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634362484276272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617454227893754,0.0,0.09717070959858018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872309536996826,0.0,0.058314439578670677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025529543328004,0.0,0.0655448387407003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331325063962944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366669012913037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535299565457265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146116614537288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206364183033803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960993082405884,0.1040900532265062,0.10912827091740332,0.0769838372870051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205550506535788,0.0,0.4239050183109564,0.1710318377458014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630152405222714,0.08771385194323969,0.0,0.1353151988347607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045449907051047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348148902686657,0.0,0.1291962743292438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642125296881372,0.0,0.0,0.396076630457405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867139948132751,0.0926980861467134,0.0,0.1061805988962984,0.0,0.0,0.07662029331391572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783016691290686,0.12544619385352765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270199764056108,0.09515953443527747,0.0680247694282117,0.0,0.09251096976584408,0.0,0.1036957451648592,0.21382459399407905,0.0,0.12876210520671633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396179542170826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mrvnflmm,2020/01/11,"Sounds triggering PTSD Hi all. I’m very new to this whole topic as I am starting to explore my own past at the moment. 

I was sexually and verbally abused by my stepfather but never really talked to anyone about it until recently. He has never been convicted and there is a whole lot of reasons why I never went to the police or someone, but that’s another topic in itself. 

I’ve recently discovered that certain sounds make me very aggressive, especially towards myself. Every time I drop cutlery, plates touch each other and make this very special sound, I get really ramped up. I asked myself why those specific sounds trigger me so much and I remembered that I would be yelled at by my stepfather and being called stupid if I dropped something or made a lot of noise with plates or glasses. 

Whenever he’s around, my trigger goes through the roof, when I’m alone it’s much less. Does anyone relate to those sort of triggers? Do you have something similar? Any sounds or certain behaviors that are making you feel under pressure and judged? Is this a part of PTSD? 

I read the definitions but it has never been diagnosed by a therapist but it could actually explain a lot of my thoughts and behaviors. 

Thanks a lot!",5.455897901010623,7.2123727136563875,6.044078776885204,75.51260171028764,68.55947136563877,9.570251360456078,31.8551438196424,9.916854025145753,3.4118848924591862,974,42,166,24,17,316,135,227,0.081,0.861,0.057999999999999996,-0.6312,0,1,2,0,1,0,20.0,0,2,0,0,5,7,2,1,10,0,15,1,0,9,7,47,29,20,0,3,9,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,15,10,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,8,21,4,25,19,13,24,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,10,13,122,36,1,0.0,0.13086178724516653,0.10778046557272998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438991638265104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510783501491776,0.11581344466717082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445440103832686,0.0,0.0,0.09832136083217764,0.10325315621309172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277886729038628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818304522615159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210151089415904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665302675119147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305646960605436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584538691406192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057704066289671084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37559279730371004,0.0,0.10450774382257873,0.22117294844043103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238269583608686,0.0,0.3407345384903701,0.10667052528790676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960347755597005,0.10543428184534673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582135664246081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047701741675994,0.0,0.1415105178099273,0.11355804340640865,0.21810643060706966,0.0,0.12511506661183902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935814938644716,0.17005519150237022,0.0,0.0,0.07817504627191355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877321851086993,0.0,0.10168487721006016,0.0,0.12823762931251886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768268324696224,0.06440260902770872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733913447936394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238559497113968,0.19932270967960172,0.2466205501447825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845847145574872,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Necromuffin,2020/01/11,"Other symptoms? I’ve been diagnosed with C-PTSD, but because there have been so many different unrelated events to cause and not cause this I get very confused with the symptoms I’m experiencing. For the past 5 years where my PTSD has gotten worse there are many moments where I will remember a smell (from memory idk how) and I will remember where the smell came from in that period of life and it will make me feel sad and incredibly nauseas. I get this with a lot of stuff good and bad that has happened in my childhood. Like I will remember just watching a film with my mum and I will start crying because the thought makes me so sad, even though it’s a happy event. Obviously I have bad events that cause this too.. but I find it confusing it happens with good memories too? Does anyone get this or can explain it? Thanks :)",4.577104166666668,6.124288168750002,5.023750000000003,82.79291666666668,70.4375,8.833333333333334,28.333333333333336,9.2995712137729,2.3360833333333333,657,24,130,14,12,209,93,160,0.182,0.69,0.128,-0.8787,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,13,11,0,2,8,0,13,4,0,6,1,34,28,13,0,0,5,1,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,0,14,12,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,5,5,13,5,13,18,1,15,0,2,1,0,2,5,0,4,10,85,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560706604003132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044506506770192,0.1492664118234325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002920727394766,0.0,0.3773131323754966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448543378826108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426556163876755,0.0,0.1279150304691427,0.0,0.0,0.10714077408522632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086495929064294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190512790110636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190032271985967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918964735389736,0.0,0.0,0.2053797418083949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653183200683893,0.13033078277302693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647710490982889,0.05981392669359367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408702240527333,0.0,0.0,0.16344817263109326,0.2482529814634057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687487657380705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28623212656605684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.416073625537604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665776182345943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140154963586258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545067539684221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271862685782608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028848811049668,0.097197065345224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101894475515552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476832509009915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884197743790879
ptsd,sodafountainsuicide,2020/01/11,"Night terror exhaustion Does anyone else wake up exhausted and super anxious from nightmares and night terrors? By the time I get to my days off from work, I’m beyond exhausted and can’t seem to do much of anything for a day, and I feel like a lazy loser.",5.817647058823527,5.862880568627451,6.310588235294119,80.09764705882355,66.84313725490196,9.15294117647059,30.72549019607843,8.841846274778883,2.3852431372549017,203,7,39,3,3,66,41,51,0.35100000000000003,0.5489999999999999,0.1,-0.9325,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,1,8,0,2,3,0,2,4,1,0,0,6,6,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,2,10,6,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,6,23,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305674809271024,0.0,0.18919361571443166,0.2772379448845291,0.2226616822800445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489993513127653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23678361351793414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603222772285256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681177875431336,0.19330014647710567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136522972963492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219017523561902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989051082271372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.507836064452705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24632299032659305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777552962536287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698315995222535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,karpaediem,2020/01/11,I’m Really Lonely All my friends are at a big event having a fun time and I’m at home because I’m a fucking loser. I didn’t realize how hard having my whole support system gone would be and I was barely hanging on as it was. Please talk to me about anything so I feel less alone.,-0.08597189695550256,2.0099543606557404,2.510210772833726,92.58672131147543,87.36065573770495,4.797189695550352,20.18969555035129,6.1826913282559595,0.13170070257611188,220,7,48,2,7,76,47,61,0.153,0.669,0.177,0.3702,0,3,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,1,7,15,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,2,6,3,6,9,3,9,0,2,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084075958028874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450454393372541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152234762677927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056520766423093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300620912892498,0.27529042080400745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667500733851199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29869502540061044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32687017955312464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907638363533259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33791428044075605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393422056629295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363640469171102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324578483443729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153253116379409,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SW96,2020/01/11,"I've had this repressed for 8 years. When I was 15, I was groomed by a 19 year old. I had totally forgotten this happened until yesterday, when 15 year old girl added me out of the blue on Steam and asked me, a 23 year old woman, to roleplay. That was the fastest block of my life, because what the fuck? And in that moment, I remembered having that same experience on the other side as a kid. This guy never did anything to me physically, but we roleplayed a lot and he had a lot of weird baggage about gender that I was just too young and anxious to help him with. And I'm saying this as a trans girl. I only learned he was a guy after knowing him for several months, cause he let me think he was a girl. We roleplayed sexually and he sent me nudes. I had no idea how vulnerable I was to people like this back then, cause I was still figuring out my own sexuality and stuff, and I didn't know how to say no. I have PTSD already from being raped in 2018, and I'm honestly worried by the thought that this will make it worse. I don't think I feel devastated, per se, but I do feel that same spacy numbness I felt for the first couple months after I was raped. It scares me.",4.943476977567887,4.622015590909093,5.92580873671783,83.36520661157026,68.7107438016529,9.063046044864226,29.68240850059032,8.634040054169528,1.9464937426210147,911,30,201,13,14,303,132,242,0.18,0.7609999999999999,0.06,-0.9808,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,1,9,9,3,2,14,0,22,6,1,5,2,42,37,19,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,7,17,14,0,2,12,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,18,6,28,2,27,16,6,32,0,0,1,4,21,8,1,2,24,138,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139939934361805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326119718606806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435527627211276,0.0,0.11855188051334915,0.0,0.0,0.09751041848430372,0.0,0.07730327398619409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605412259802468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140314804279661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404623794185302,0.0,0.0,0.12823967575372155,0.0,0.1217591796699248,0.0,0.0,0.10786602122452947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172354319091418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511271663018321,0.11213922363295878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499925197571942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315504537509274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938485757638586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296736199064317,0.08957089880722809,0.061953822121141575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562165293877125,0.0,0.0,0.08464783682473864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243987949160486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780504968418527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992028411766381,0.0,0.0,0.09644606047474777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791530969899512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823616534549355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436530075339798,0.0,0.0,0.2016916083233641,0.12696069772302154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326119718606806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127203811541707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516912972289614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251171519212454,0.0,0.10067437518259327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878350139179687,0.12923202080649673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266504719470568
ptsd,Lady_rotkaeppchen,2020/01/11,"PTSD symptoms reappearing after months of complete freedom I was sexually assaulted on a date in November of my freshman year of college, which was just over a year ago. I didn't remember the incident until February of freshman year, which was when my PTSD symptoms began to appear and worsen, which caused the deterioration and end of my first serious relationship. I was diagnosed in July when I began trauma therapy and attended weekly until mid-November of this year, when my therapist and I jointly decided I no longer needed to continue attending, since I had seemed to make a dramatic recovery and had not experienced any symptoms for several weeks. 

I'm not quite sure how I recovered so quickly, but I developed good coping and grounding skills in therapy and also have a wonderful, supporting and loving boyfriend who doesn't judge me or blame me for my symptoms, unlike my previously mentioned ex. After months of near daily panic attacks, nightmares and insomnia, and constant anxiety, I came to a point where I felt completely and utterly free. I felt like I had my life back and started to no longer see myself as a victim of assault, but a survivor. I didn't feel stuck in the past anymore, and for the first time in nearly a year, I was able to be excited about the future as opposed to only focused on how to survive each day. 

But for some reason over the past few weeks, I've started to experience some symptoms again. Not nearly to the degree they used to be, but they're there. I think it's worsened by the fact that I can't help but feeling defeated and disappointed in myself that this has started up again. My wonderful boyfriend keeps telling me that he loves me no matter what and that it's not my fault and that beating myself up for the reappearance is only going to make it worse, and he's right, but I can't help being terrified that this is going to escalate. I'm so scared I'm going to lose all the progress I've made. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? This is my first ever post on reddit, so I'm sorry if this is too long or a weird format or anything. Thank you all <3",11.026977611940305,7.857381368159205,10.763973880597018,62.64058768656717,58.70149253731344,14.129601990049752,44.03047263681592,12.273956033585215,5.384357711442785,1698,76,291,41,16,564,204,402,0.168,0.679,0.153,-0.0373,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,1,10,19,23,4,2,19,0,23,10,0,8,5,64,57,40,0,2,15,1,4,2,0,0,8,0,0,0,20,19,0,2,11,0,1,7,12,13,0,3,17,7,37,11,51,37,6,69,0,3,1,2,13,20,0,10,43,211,57,1,0.08330727703972543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384687462224808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662079935057823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056651805115268176,0.0,0.06372983891334544,0.0,0.08261843349029625,0.05825038509684668,0.08535815012573025,0.13710958152733224,0.0,0.0,0.0947740542616865,0.0,0.0640581537922234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952813316216138,0.0,0.0855795215653989,0.0,0.0,0.17469218997775818,0.09002557102757475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372630185154695,0.0,0.0,0.08455513259091596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959254021038287,0.0,0.07378552054734865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535620151405159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149050235801272,0.0,0.0,0.08424532474977632,0.0,0.1599761005674798,0.0,0.0,0.2125833818773448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203633607588614,0.06987419149393366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116782235153888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404733557107368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884239346203508,0.0813994550970156,0.0,0.0,0.07372431865303103,0.0,0.09319953383125794,0.0,0.0,0.1503761401232078,0.07882735982067883,0.11121650863124914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299014747065052,0.0,0.0,0.061771290342281925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671787631677478,0.0,0.09774314005055243,0.0,0.0,0.1590524446985987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787523040941358,0.0,0.07978534314571854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947634975805096,0.0,0.0,0.08860754362717027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565375560423577,0.0,0.08944083866256368,0.09437090510290837,0.07114395940869707,0.0,0.0,0.0834051173887481,0.0,0.06638511397114305,0.07583981621445587,0.0,0.0941135105812352,0.0,0.06891264044090811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325567617874507,0.1768959584067583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453611074878296,0.07851612270881435,0.4329407931547532,0.0,0.0,0.0728142320495908,0.07669814801252277,0.1905382631922232,0.09672616955093813,0.0,0.053379939326641576,0.0,0.0,0.0485771431812394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195073964664166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004722178713408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806863765981303,0.0,0.0,0.08489723244326917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26823577538608306
ptsd,journey1992,2020/01/11,"Who else resonated with Selena Gomez’s new song “Rare” now that you finally broke free from your abusers?! Who else resonated with Selena Gomez’s new song “Rare” now that you finally broke free from your abusers?! 

Yes to breaking free from people who don’t care about us and don’t recognize our worth! Realizing my worth has been a difficult process but now that I have begun to more and more, I am so done with toxic behaviors and people who do not prioritize or respect me! We are rare and deserve people in our lives who see us that way!


https://youtu.be/ia1iuXbEaYQ

LYRICS

Baby
You’ve been so distant from me lately
And lately
Don’t even wanna call you baby

Saw us getting older
Burning toast in the toaster
My ambitions were too high

Waiting up for you upstairs
Why you act like I’m not there? 
Baby right now it feels like-
It feels like 

You don’t care
Why don’t you recognize I’m so rare? 
Always there
You don’t do the same for me,
That’s not fair
I don’t have it all
I’m not claiming to 
But I know that I'm special, yeah
And I’ll bet there’s somebody else out there
To tell me I’m rare
To make me feel rare

Baby
Don’t make me count up all the reasons to stay with you
No reason 
Why you and I are not succeeding
Uh uh

Saw us getting older
Burning toast in the toaster
My ambitions were too high

Waiting up for you upstairs
Why you act like I’m not there? 
Baby right now it feels like- 
It feels like 

You don’t care
Why don’t you recognize I’m so rare? 
Always there
You don’t do the same for me that’s not fair
I don’t have it all
I’m not claiming to 
But I know that I'm special, yeah
And I’ll bet there’s somebody else out there
To tell me I’m rare
To make me feel rare

I’m not gonna beg for you
I’m not gonna let you make me cry
Make me cry

Not getting enough from you
Didn’t you know I’m hard to find?
(Hard to find)

Saw us getting older
Burning toast in the toaster
My ambitions were too high-

Waiting up for you upstairs
Why you act like I’m not there? 
Baby right now it feels like, 
It feels like 

You don’t care
Why don’t you recognize I’m so rare?
Always there
You don’t do the same for me
That’s not fair
I don’t have it all
I’m not claiming to 
But I know that I'm special, yeah
And I’ll bet there’s somebody else out there
To tell me I’m rare
To make me feel rare",-0.9115098873177204,1.2183490504032264,1.0723630136986309,99.47606164383562,96.80241935483872,4.250066283694212,16.875165709235528,6.043574811120784,-0.4987747127706586,1803,50,426,19,73,589,127,496,0.064,0.7859999999999999,0.151,0.9924,0,0,0,1,2,0,30.0,8,26,0,1,28,24,0,0,8,4,36,0,0,8,4,74,90,19,0,1,19,0,11,9,0,2,0,2,3,0,24,17,0,3,18,2,8,3,32,3,2,0,10,17,61,24,43,77,10,39,0,2,4,0,43,17,0,4,25,238,85,1,0.0,0.14407783008460368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177321758419635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062084336538046576,0.0,0.2479615587212481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357347938500053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062220249616764624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539560131860056,0.0,0.0,0.0628234003485044,0.0,0.040158304392220484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27668405355663955,0.2606162937496909,0.0,0.13320844117677896,0.11114151941190202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706347411407548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893101140650198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271790744699174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365795005669345,0.0,0.1371717286169112,0.0,0.0,0.06217285906981052,0.0,0.26733746068922043,0.0,0.05368815269886579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435097300406786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744343510052516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645469827876527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250265400395019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577045676804435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048450304667840886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480548136977793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942753650273472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656789203803493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826078420837651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840423715594029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ogpuffyjones,2020/01/11,"I have episodes where if someone touches me, even my SO, I have a mini panic attack. Can anyone relate? I haven’t been able to find much information about this online, so I’m reaching out to this community. I have sexual trauma from a couple years ago and it has been getting worse recently. 

One of the worst symptoms is that when my boyfriend touches me I just can’t handle it sometimes. It doesn’t even have to be in a sexual way - even if we’re just cuddling, I’ll suddenly become aware of his hands on me and I have this feeling that’s hard to describe. It’s an awful combination of disgust and anger. 

I can still feel it after he stops and moves away from me, and it makes me want to rip my skin off in that area. It makes me feel bad because he’s always respectful of my boundaries and I trust him completely, but these episodes still happen randomly. 

Sometimes they last for a full day after it happens, and it’s hard for me to even take a shower because being naked makes me uncomfortable. Even if it’s just me by myself. I have obsessive thoughts about the trauma that are so vivid I can almost feel it happening again. 

I feel really weird about it, and the fact that I haven’t been able to find anything online makes me feel worse. Can anyone relate? Thanks.",4.400987162461266,5.620228729083671,5.033193891102258,83.81365980522357,70.47410358565737,7.808853474988934,26.69344842850819,8.167268648758528,1.6228457724656926,1005,32,197,14,18,323,130,251,0.162,0.79,0.048,-0.977,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,0,19,13,3,2,9,1,22,4,2,4,1,35,41,16,0,4,7,0,12,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,21,9,0,1,10,0,0,1,4,10,0,1,4,13,30,3,27,35,3,24,0,0,1,1,6,9,0,5,13,141,51,0,0.22271613032302312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987122058045048,0.0,0.11150901662006836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265883092298388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572829672981886,0.0,0.09163819930585124,0.0,0.0,0.12668587529347367,0.104624567902586,0.0,0.09297933298037292,0.1357656858685303,0.12298623401204485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675681264599445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321558103696212,0.0,0.07181673960629698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677547589812646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378359020868514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035585082723438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817999291224586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954207077700005,0.0,0.19950990686321896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077168586960094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973294928194252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835600002948987,0.08186099091690857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545910692281857,0.0,0.0,0.1306546960315346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133882802868882,0.0,0.10995265500991168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435332724076853,0.0,0.2202719477261763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778613893701201,0.0931003287591063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115743667944431,0.08372740631925303,0.0,0.0,0.10252354497282366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884058649216563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568187202024106,0.08839084883392892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269667639704845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171094294643257
ptsd,Limit_break91,2020/01/11,"My mind has a hard time living in the moment When ever i have a conversation i have such a hard time concentrating, because my mind feels so clouded all the time. To the extent in which i can barely concentrate. Which in turn makes me not be able to focus or contribute to the conversation. This also makes people not want to talk to me, because i dont even give i response I just mm or yh. It’s so annoying it’s like ptsd has made me dum, or it’s like I have the sam intelligence but with a clouded mind that does have acesss to it. It’s so fucking annoying",2.2355172413793127,3.9514515172413813,4.192620689655172,85.66444827586207,76.93103448275863,7.398620689655173,23.66896551724138,8.238735603445708,1.3145200000000001,440,14,94,8,10,150,65,116,0.125,0.8220000000000001,0.053,-0.7107,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,3,0,9,1,9,1,0,3,2,18,17,9,0,1,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,12,2,10,15,2,9,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,3,8,65,21,0,0.1755948138621908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404231092049351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408193743650752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366420492337227,0.0,0.20579581408455372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597871848184588,0.15883556213116676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878601392254523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233457591846098,0.0,0.16844654582942162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145969257682317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715735128328391,0.0,0.15505343768643656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615205858138388,0.23442180353817615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5319021166385648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173533448306985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526094070083867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113645996909724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071722441773919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909967341619355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035703707206717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,samathee1218,2020/01/11,I'm terrified of everything Without giving you my whole life story let me just say that life has not been kind to me. Not that I expect it to be. I know everyone goes through things. The only actual illness I've been diagnosed with is ptsd from a nasty car wreck I was a passanger in. I was terrified of driving before that happened but I now get to use that as an excuse. Just thinking about driving a car makes me sick to me stomach. I get paranoid going for walks because I've been beaten by the police in the past and I dont want to do anything to attract their attention. I'm worried that someone might call and report me to CPS if they see me walking on the sidewalk with my son in a stroller even if he's bundled up. I feel like people are so quick to report people for the stupidest things. I just feel like the world is such a scary place. Please help.,2.6611553030303017,4.42856719886364,3.870090909090912,88.21430303030306,75.875,6.511515151515153,26.50606060606061,7.3011,1.318404242424242,681,26,138,8,15,222,111,176,0.19899999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.092,-0.9551,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,1,9,5,1,0,12,0,14,6,1,2,0,23,29,7,0,4,9,1,2,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,0,7,4,1,0,0,5,4,20,4,25,21,1,17,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,3,5,95,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.15946317498314702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447131515212785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961233671964033,0.0,0.1390486423162377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685840197073906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585624076310676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151360617859606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079298075873624,0.0,0.0,0.1561438743496874,0.14686107007584082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652485477429923,0.23347820468888045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707484481736566,0.15675637322179128,0.09286884596856354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445016430481368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952930803726464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016486113398704,0.08980506678797161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670963158957672,0.2308405859720745,0.15966632904324407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907647748374713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335065064807256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242795674218037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559919531409119,0.2265738300841383,0.0,0.17072715731477126,0.17937351965170178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101585295159335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994903945090922,0.0,0.0,0.13021545952926655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845553600085966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712276220515644,0.10470560210357527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113252303265933,0.0,0.0,0.09638259785896522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243981287889194,0.0,0.15752001307596813,0.0,0.0,0.1659493168020933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,grayghostsmitten,2020/01/11,"Short Term Memory Does anyone here have short term memory issues? 

I moved into a new home a few months ago. My mind draws an automatic blank when trying to recall the address. I have to keep it written down, so I have it handy when needed. 

The same with my phone number that I have had since this summer. 

With my career, I write down everything I can, so I can refer back to it. It makes it feel like I am keeping a secret, like I am an imposter. Trying to get by daily without it being noticed by my friends and colleagues. 

Also wondering if this ever improves, or if this is just the new “normal”? 

What has your experience been?",2.8184604105571864,4.809413016129035,4.3176539589442795,84.18511730205279,76.09677419354837,6.444574780058653,21.756598240469213,7.348242739294969,0.8533483870967742,490,13,93,6,11,163,81,124,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.8943,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,8,0,13,0,0,1,1,22,21,9,0,4,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,11,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,14,3,12,17,4,17,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,4,13,73,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672147528123916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085243014759492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189892998208674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504971817395948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507695115594306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063238862185598,0.0,0.0,0.16953419838293055,0.18452255803724213,0.0,0.0,0.09538021226824847,0.13476185435450735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145739984970371,0.0,0.0985547132105918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921765106393987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688735215174707,0.0,0.3353373308557865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431639568684127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591623609368538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046895094376445,0.0,0.15056774406190407,0.20049059918678655,0.0,0.13987147185745993,0.0,0.3643723468290351,0.0,0.0,0.1848235829885422,0.0,0.2147637478532159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560419475559503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256143414099461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183872099197013,0.20456808736981108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,waytooawkwardd,2020/01/11,"I had an attack last night I was in bed a few hours ago trying to get some sleep but I had so much anxiety already that I just couldn't even rest for one minute. So I decided to go out on my front porch and sit there and try to get some air to calm down. 

Before I went out, I started looking for a something to wear since it's very cold outside. As I was looking, I found a shirt that had a tiny blood stain from a couple years ago that wouldn't come off. Seeing and remembering the cause of the stain, had me crying violently for hours. Then vomiting for another 20 minutes and freaking out.

It's been about an hour and a half since it happened and I feel even more like shit. I'm so physically tired and I don't wanna sleep because I'm scared it's gonna result in me having nightmares. I'm sick of this.",3.130263157894735,3.8886598771929854,4.320716374269008,89.46598684210528,73.03508771929825,7.337426900584796,24.77631578947368,7.492282038375204,0.9112842105263148,633,18,144,7,12,208,107,171,0.20199999999999999,0.76,0.038,-0.9846,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,3,1,10,0,11,9,6,2,0,24,27,13,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,2,0,8,11,0,0,4,0,0,4,3,5,0,2,9,5,14,2,23,15,6,24,0,0,3,0,0,9,1,2,11,90,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524290742112101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712392615288898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930169808508295,0.10892312178963012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198198568929648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679576683079014,0.0,0.12115802052295922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626725579584385,0.0,0.12265092865332165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575448284032635,0.1564017813603145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808614920480451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199346432056693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611635065712415,0.0,0.0,0.14877918722167555,0.0,0.08091992383652928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259094137302699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42065771712816097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160616989657447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956147161455557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23913285380855506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466838413119772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361743381952876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964828632188388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129294793759766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255089788577202,0.0,0.11346135464000205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615479646144536,0.2355624949184731,0.0,0.28497300593003405,0.0,0.0,0.10961390938872967,0.0,0.0,0.10077989813548087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364908913192666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19333833827141245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748144364631274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319910933706632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169041858223163
ptsd,SOfoundmyotherone,2020/01/11,"It’s only January 11 and I’ve had so much “accidental immersion therapy” (ie constant triggers) it’s almost funny December 30th-Jan 2nd was spent in the middle of rural butt fucking n o w h e r e Colorado. I booked what was supposed to be a relaxing all-inclusive vacation (horseback riding, skiing, hot springs) with seven other people and it turned out to be JUST ME and the 70 year old ranch owner who believed in doomsday prepping, Walmart being a corporate spy for the Illuminati among many MANY other crazy things. Constant flashback episodes about my dad during this time. 


Last night, I went to this god fucking awful event with my partner who has a very fancy white collar job in foreign policy. It was a typical DC bullshit fest with everyone sucking each other’s sweater-vested dicks but here’s what really took the cake: this fucking frat boy reject *filmed me while we were sitting at the same table*. 


I’ve gone over and over and over again trying to figure out why he’d do that and I can’t—I wasn’t drunk, I’m 99% sure I looked fine, etc. So when I notice this bitch filming me, I make a cute lil joke out of it and pose for the camera, etc. Once he got called out he acted all embarrassed and left. 

I went up to him afterwards and acted like a hard bitch and got up in his face and all that but the truth is I’ve been awake for seven goddamn hours crying about it. Having a camera in my face is one of my biggest triggers, *especially* when someone’s being sneaky about it. 


Thank you for letting me vent. I’m mad that I have so much clean time behind me and this is the first time I’ve thought about suicide in literally years. I don’t think I’m ever going to fit in fucking anywhere and I’m so tired of it.",3.3337873754152834,5.036851581395349,4.5345681063122925,84.43418604651164,73.88372093023256,7.007308970099668,26.239202657807308,7.7094869923839395,1.5014098006644525,1360,48,263,18,28,447,204,344,0.165,0.741,0.09300000000000001,-0.9841,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,1,1,0,1,14,18,8,1,15,1,21,10,4,3,5,38,44,22,1,0,3,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,24,22,1,0,3,8,1,8,2,10,0,4,15,4,23,8,40,23,8,51,0,1,2,6,14,22,9,1,21,160,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710284663545972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317562051759638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941322866011375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527505352652949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845784722973805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608476653453153,0.0,0.10578283509249886,0.0,0.11174531190143526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947278116782296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324525677697403,0.0,0.0,0.06646215358690602,0.0,0.18706211589881572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047591429546052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516660124301073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160491954983457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532523137072473,0.0,0.0,0.12706034881387082,0.11958349320535253,0.0,0.05713308899693706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820377790768944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806124350567971,0.23712637620935245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719350659764365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974432485059868,0.0,0.0,0.13314188652278994,0.12271339454611807,0.1245418870510288,0.0792444996205022,0.08894142714445018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107446871323748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491752766738605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908654514519824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791810822819208,0.0,0.11021864018796336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766662039879862,0.1337360248334418,0.0,0.07769261165244341,0.07493319999661592,0.0,0.09284072943508252,0.20457352506472445,0.1344102957661642,0.0,0.0,0.1299294454858006,0.07939751870250238,0.12720184171585713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649131364738042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168171175599793,0.10552406173240897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061661932778594
ptsd,cutelittleflower,2020/01/11,"Anti depression , anxiety mental support group for ptsd lonely Cbt therapy on group  hello if you're suffering from depression,anxiety, loneliness , ptsd,  stress or any mental issue need someone to listen, to have a caring  support circle you can join  [https://t.me/depressionsupportgroup](https://t.me/depressionsupportgroup)  you all are welcomed there will be mindful exercise , CBT and certain therapy in the group and you can make new friends",16.53994791666667,16.897053515625004,12.826875,41.09729166666668,45.09375,14.783333333333333,47.89583333333333,13.5591,7.167870833333334,371,17,39,10,3,109,49,64,0.22399999999999998,0.5579999999999999,0.218,-0.128,0,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,0,0,1,10,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,1,2,9,12,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,6,6,10,1,3,0,3,0,0,10,2,0,2,1,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218257828736046,0.0,0.2740932085828477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182651825741856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429864286771836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840816386478086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698243248111984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958169916124473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610751309110247,0.0,0.18088692529189532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283488124958406,0.0,0.17302083398032705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41882541111743465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179027261611666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20521174362474004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065867161112702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097393372292305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dumbbastardtwink,2020/01/11,"how to deal with a crash after getting close to getting better? Sorry for the ramble its been a really tough few days.

Thought I was on the track for recovery. Obviously it gets worse before it gets better, so my SH and suicidal ideation actually got worse, but I could tell I was on the upswing. Me and my therapist had a plan and though she said it would take a long time to even start the trauma processing (dpdr causing issues eith that), there was still a plan and a path.

Then I went and visited my mom and thats when the crash happened. Her and my step dad are the cause of my childhood traumas, minus one specific incident I wont talk about. She seemed to be getting better from her own shit and I thought she would be an adult enough for me to talk even a little bit about my mental health with her to try and get some support. I didn’t mention my PTSD at all, just my anxiety and depression, and the dpdr.

Instead I got the opposite. She yelled at me for over an hour saying Im ungrateful for everything they did for me as a kid and that I’m saying she was a failed parent because I’m still depressed and didnt just get over it like she did. Then she started saying i wasnt depressed until I got my friends in hs (not true I told her when i was 12 i was suicidal) and that my mental illnesses are just my doctors trying to make money off me (also not true i go to a low income clinic)

Throughout the whole thing I was in a flashback of when she did the same thing to me when I was twelve and told her I wanted to kill myself. Instead of actually doing anything she had screamed at me for what felt like hours about ruining christmas (it was the holidays) and again that i was ungrateful. 

I don’t know what to do. I slid right backwards into horrible suicidal ideation and self harm. But I cant bring myself to care because I feel so guilty for being upset that the idea of doing anything about it makes me feel like shit. 

I dont know why i even thought it would be safe to say anything to her because she does this any time i mention my mental health. My therapist had encouraged me to try bringing it up with her to see if it helps me and it did the opposite. Whats worse I missed my appointment today because my dumbass woke up late and it was the worst day for me to miss, ive been more suicidal over the past few days than i have in months and its only getting worse, but i wont see her until next friday.",4.936848484848486,5.0226665131313135,5.7439898989898985,83.26931818181819,68.71717171717172,8.943434343434344,29.631313131313128,8.745826893841286,2.0979616161616166,1904,65,397,29,30,625,219,495,0.233,0.684,0.083,-0.9983,2,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,1,6,25,31,3,1,28,0,43,7,2,5,4,61,86,38,5,6,9,3,3,3,1,5,5,7,0,3,25,25,0,1,10,1,1,7,10,18,0,1,35,12,76,13,58,41,11,55,0,8,2,0,42,20,2,3,31,289,101,2,0.0,0.0,0.1321430021474621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414463729048642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04604254931971025,0.0,0.051795070701358484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671493429953122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509232587960576,0.0,0.05761300388675378,0.0,0.0,0.17964194060437194,0.07391765323097775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903100063620955,0.13910587083376585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05405790498662225,0.0,0.0,0.130994726349795,0.06980213677912184,0.17494579652909914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930018207953821,0.059250166779632615,0.0,0.0793511820995695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699586211958238,0.0,0.13415795337041903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608499821368207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846859534050738,0.0483693349684794,0.06500858609329634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230965531825401,0.0,0.28298963138131344,0.0,0.03847900342368447,0.0,0.16245254049810745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059872384108869664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393708521675544,0.0,0.0,0.04538205008368843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333539707746389,0.0,0.0,0.07643207778817825,0.07313433282836017,0.07066769994298681,0.0,0.0,0.07490689762363938,0.0,0.07441913240890942,0.0,0.07637556187545083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923351299070443,0.06785941651693543,0.0,0.0599178714736025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038885121844416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046958262563364,0.0,0.0,0.0792967030755001,0.05404245647154768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200632991261764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587948490441651,0.05149362900381455,0.0,0.0,0.07517974151176436,0.0,0.0646332452651368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914494449721501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04337433634072409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057820739395849925,0.06440411695510664,0.21537080521615048,0.0,0.0,0.10790617802528503,0.061637197108671785,0.07063235053064909,0.0,0.13899891761611116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579156676590344,0.0958456177795648,0.0,0.10814054474606244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29623844903115376,0.07683221272099135,0.0,0.0,0.050906649057471165,0.10883938515187726,0.05917821794907939,0.0,0.0,0.15722427283629342,0.08996200419115934,0.0,0.06652101446035327,0.1612535203716474,0.0789600792483858,0.0,0.06417757705619201,0.1293923837004026,0.0,0.1379042310143052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039934881006857104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276434149846381,0.061094329833489225,0.07559157337606595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759936777952833,0.1442896619573536,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FloreFukzy,2020/01/11,"Became abusive myself after emotionally abusive relationship I’m a 22 F and severely ashamed of my situation. I lost my BF whom I love with my whole heart just before 2020. It ended up in him saying that he does not want to deal with me anymore, that I have a part of me that is absolute trash and that he is done trying and does not want to contact me anymore and just wants to find someone else to love to repair what I broke. That crushed me.

So I went no contact for 2 weeks now, even though it is very hard because I have so much anxiety about people leaving me. And have send him a loving message stating that I still want to try my absolute best to improve to get him back, even though I already told him when he broke up but he wasn’t interested then. But who knows... right? 

Since I have send the message today and he did not respond but saw it anyway, I started scrolling through old convo’s. And I can’t believe... what a monster I actually became. I threatened with suicide or shared suicidal thoughts when having extreme anxiety attacks. Putting him on trail: ‘If you do this, I’m going to die.’ And even though I actually felt like that in the moment, reading all of it back makes me feel like a ansolute failure. I have hurt the person who I loved the most time and time again because I was so filled with anger and pain and I could not cope. So in stressful situations, I turned into a manipulative version of myself. 

My first boyfriend was very emotionally abusive and used the same tactics. He completely isolated me, told me I was the most amazing person ever, then proceeded to tell how what an absolute crazy bitch I was who deserved all the bad karma in the world, talked me up about how he loved my red hair, then blocked me everywhere one day without answers and proceeded to date my then BFF (who colored her hair red which was weird and funny). That relationship left me with many scars and I started drinking because of it, as well as trying to find love in the wrong places. But I thought that after some years, I escaped the trauma.

I recognize today that I never did and could not cope with my emotions which made me have extreme anxiety attacks, anger issues, no impulse control, manipulative behaviour to get what I wanted... Also towards my parents. I would say towards the people who support me most and were closest to me.

I turned into the monster that I had despised so many years. How can I ever make up to my now ex BF? How can I try to repair the relationship and gain back his trust? But most importantly, how can I grow as a person from this and make sure I NEVER EVER EVER use that behaviour as a coping mechanism?

I acknowledge that I am just very anger and sad towards the world and this makes me lash out the way I do, but it made me lose the one guy I truly loved. So how on earth can I actively work on myself, love myself and stop myself from doing what I did?",5.0737288450809,6.002274003533572,5.729901432025296,80.51118839501584,68.68197879858657,8.290050213873908,31.32583224846569,8.452757503120043,2.3557533568904594,2290,93,436,33,38,744,251,566,0.20800000000000002,0.654,0.13699999999999998,-0.9919,1,0,1,0,0,1,57.0,0,1,0,7,39,38,7,2,25,0,34,13,3,17,9,99,75,56,2,9,17,2,5,2,2,1,1,2,0,4,35,31,1,3,9,2,0,7,12,20,1,3,22,11,79,18,58,50,13,72,1,6,4,8,55,24,1,7,41,326,114,2,0.0,0.2096284559057947,0.11510287839026168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508077077158705,0.04716257009642474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534795548614612,0.0,0.11697541004389292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418596057119678,0.0,0.13604522301999686,0.049241958033356376,0.10785248707880976,0.0,0.05018368337563953,0.06644502951825634,0.061890996595539226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183453767770244,0.0,0.06614587542293475,0.09417404421861024,0.0,0.0,0.03803422507378343,0.060801001418916076,0.0,0.0,0.06120710749539637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321946119898648,0.060352263983878024,0.0,0.05777339576027315,0.0,0.0,0.049266341560819965,0.19901800957045152,0.05223465972846083,0.0,0.0,0.11685799732814915,0.2133863400470244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029819711505554812,0.042132005404885854,0.0566255893828522,0.0,0.10780481210588244,0.05016440684620456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162437775221586,0.0,0.03351705334129099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058394873554651824,0.0,0.0,0.05283033415109181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988607964527939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313433729836994,0.0,0.0,0.06155494835496541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03241131277618698,0.0,0.0,0.06244638558939095,0.06407689578082777,0.0,0.0,0.05762475899788879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597833694759865,0.06437856666647457,0.0,0.42582048360421065,0.11160781375483728,0.15746602968838105,0.11958350686971606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335367172563267,0.0,0.09097085900216716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061884714363264974,0.0,0.07992645370154128,0.0,0.06275393580517802,0.0,0.06548515247885274,0.0638645623723321,0.0,0.0817721709521543,0.15448501563473555,0.061616693723783075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928652089009035,0.0,0.0,0.05899131458130169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995238111937612,0.0,0.05036463094495653,0.0,0.09379913880700116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662536449691504,0.0,0.04878502310098496,0.1325815400095092,0.0,0.0,0.04996962691997611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348611964491097,0.0,0.047097794694691435,0.049306037532182836,0.06755606991009032,0.0,0.0,0.1290189325928202,0.0669245339788039,0.05558357415478538,0.0,0.0,0.04740215641244225,0.05154705972507003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738289605971526,0.0936396885379616,0.06877800755026152,0.0,0.11180348148950224,0.11270695809584765,0.0,0.1601615792385162,0.12829650210855614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187154267595534,0.0,0.1459825328528469,0.17392596192616944,0.04681189173223964,0.0473064724525894,0.0,0.0530259268117984,0.05467074494554522,0.0,0.06584387774030126,0.0,0.0568501376917642,0.0,0.04293476084231326,0.0,0.0,0.04189440011540359,0.06448029260002491,0.0,0.07595639009038807
ptsd,loganishh,2020/01/11,"Seizures as a symptom/side effect? Hey guys. Last year, February, I got out of an abusive seven-month relationship. It's left me with issues, heh, obviously. My recovery hasn't been the best. I still frequent the coffee shop he assaulted me countless times behind. I actually ran into him at a Hot Topic 2 hours from where we live over the summer. I have my setbacks, and I work on getting over them. 

But I started having seizures in October. It started off as dizziness, passing out a lot, vertigo. It turned into seizures where I would just...  black out and start convulsing during moments of stress. It's to the point I've been pulled out of school into a homebound program. When we went to a neurologist, they diagnosed it as psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. And it came as a huge blow to me. I've been trying to say I'm okay, I've been trying to act like I'm okay.

I guess my question is, does anyone else struggle with this? I feel so isolated and while I'm stuck at home I want to talk about it. If that's okay.",2.4335500000000003,4.789271255000003,3.649999999999999,86.705,78.95,6.4,26.5,7.554174236665415,1.5474500000000004,801,33,156,12,20,260,128,200,0.121,0.818,0.062,-0.922,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,0,2,3,7,9,1,2,11,4,9,2,0,1,1,27,25,13,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,1,1,9,16,0,0,3,1,1,6,1,3,0,0,9,4,21,6,32,15,2,38,0,0,1,0,12,19,0,4,14,97,30,3,0.0,0.18802547709834744,0.15486165891367254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109619662719514,0.16259992375226673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653870934676068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815027297788021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107024451554228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138873477509863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132567794818269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024004363157694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291064047828689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692143868101993,0.0,0.17481843689949791,0.15713120500890315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918220578640202,0.0,0.15628082305743654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563445762450862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293561280437764,0.0,0.0,0.1724206121937788,0.0,0.0,0.07752947535036311,0.0,0.1401289916679819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491527281265486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266673879804016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500163560498934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777726882761208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037709375671906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261991919183405,0.0,0.16060597764428586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33697156401181994,0.0,0.12673258426893627,0.0,0.18178250973869226,0.16590057521849882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649429840091828,0.0,0.12755157265879907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925352736175513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548451439254965,0.17261261774869266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360135339351046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471101743886487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553053028889256,0.0,0.0,0.11273108703793215,0.0,0.0,0.10219320957908146
ptsd,beckyboo777,2020/01/11,"How do I get a constant memory to stop? I posted this on a sexual abuse subreddit earlier but thought it might fit in or be answered better here. Sorry for the long post. 

I was sexually abused and manipulated for a couple months in 2014 when I was 16 by my first boyfriend. A lot of it I had blocked out and hadn’t dealt with the trauma for years because I had no one I felt I could talk to about it and felt so guilty I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I finally got into therapy about a year and a half ago, was diagnosed with PTSD (among other things)  and over the past 6 months have been working with a trauma specialist to work through some of it. After working hard in therapy, I’ve learned some tools that help but everything still just seems too much. However because I have learned some of those coping techniques some of the darker memories I have blocked out are starting to come back to me. At the end of the summer, I had my first flashback of him touching me when I didn’t want it (we were in a long distance relationship and everything I had remembered him doing was over Skype or online in some way). Within the last few weeks, I had my first very shattered flashback of him raping me. I had always assumed he never had the chance and that he had never actually done anything besides what he did online and figuring out that it may have gone farther than that is taking a major toll. I don’t want to believe any of it’s true and I don’t want to admit that it’s even a possibility. After the last flashback, it’s been running through my head constantly. No matter what grounding or relaxation I do or what coping skills I use, the image just keeps replaying in my mind over and over and over again. I’m tired and I just don’t want to think about it anymore. Have any of you dealt with this? What did you do to help ease it? I still can’t remember a time I actually told him no. I know I didn’t want it and had made excuses but I can’t ever remember saying no and I don’t think that helps. Any advice? 

TL:DR: I have the memory of an ex raping me running through my head constantly and I just want it to stop. Advice?",3.1902567585925823,4.662065418013861,4.501476022279579,85.47218686319793,73.80369515011547,7.773101480777067,26.13021328623828,8.405096225971981,1.6595374813204733,1678,58,348,29,34,555,196,433,0.158,0.742,0.1,-0.9851,1,0,0,0,2,0,34.0,1,2,0,8,19,7,2,0,23,0,45,6,2,4,4,83,71,26,0,8,11,1,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,28,25,0,5,16,1,0,4,16,4,0,5,30,5,47,3,58,37,9,64,0,0,0,2,21,22,0,14,35,258,75,5,0.0,0.1922727114253944,0.15835976865832996,0.0,0.0,0.15857603280078894,0.07192475951665546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751408376415713,0.0,0.0,0.16553174985170632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046800884708118,0.05673422147213041,0.0,0.06677042007009741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239082331046309,0.0,0.09892306860254764,0.0,0.0,0.0914157808228818,0.0,0.07176078362867275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989399755515854,0.0,0.2630470516036085,0.0,0.06478282760885415,0.0897786749121965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235429879206185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303328896857533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186500238942319,0.0,0.0,0.05359149334220621,0.0733948010624934,0.0,0.0,0.14584486408591113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581218055045154,0.08888372400795343,0.0,0.20705017913051785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04239173833458229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648942088322618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268453761810524,0.0,0.1665438869696001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315712907310398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212000279012526,0.0,0.0,0.04459183006481612,0.13227810327777104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361078696351495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898141070217217,0.0,0.07677561071389044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607557492913649,0.0819271820315408,0.0,0.1295286283114996,0.0,0.05964644430248432,0.0,0.12515867880721548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054981834055192746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745628297745419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147194423308057,0.15541731855448826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484705884817864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711283781040043,0.2757437477056426,0.0,0.0,0.0645249281754018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386582805183084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082838125553627,0.05743054725496905,0.0,0.1295952972936231,0.13567154542533172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061006372164269386,0.13043278549349335,0.0,0.0,0.18557885934813945,0.0,0.05390509501159125,0.10398109110837483,0.0,0.06441524148437049,0.04731275845036462,0.09325725586653384,0.0,0.07753171797201806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007797787790318,0.0,0.06694810895563083,0.3350048727824896,0.06440430029943932,0.06508474973348305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721030671370325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045016122190511
ptsd,Suspicious_Arachnid,2020/01/11,"[23F] What makes you feel better after a flashback? Hi everyone,

I am 23 and the main trauma that gives me flashbacks is my abusive relationship. I have got myself into a real state with an emotional flashback to the day I tried to commit suicide. I just kept remembering how sad I was and how horrible it was and I couldn't stop crying. It's 2.52am and I want to go get some fresh air and make some tea but I'm scared I'll wake my parents. they know about my ptsd but it is still difficult to understand. I feel very scared and very alone, I want to wake my mum up really but I shouldn't. Does anyone have any tips or tricks that will make me feel more safe and human again?",1.2932608695652164,3.6078313695652175,2.705246376811594,92.05352173913046,83.13043478260869,5.998840579710145,18.620289855072464,7.3011,0.3054863768115945,531,13,114,8,15,172,92,138,0.188,0.698,0.114,-0.9318,1,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,1,1,1,6,8,1,2,5,0,10,3,2,5,1,36,26,13,1,4,5,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,3,6,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,4,3,19,2,10,19,4,10,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,3,5,70,25,0,0.0,0.19614491495375327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714557082917325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257694260098616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575359772191444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641196556196984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184448460018546,0.10676346124185146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487040190439945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862169446070055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581862773463894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511150633980671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649094142103217,0.1588067878650409,0.09408359493067568,0.0,0.1324022423986471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097974071156087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315096796029854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381921874390544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351439061188108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842756684209608,0.10605299325802606,0.0,0.0,0.17773442769938871,0.1875313230594653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314808096157576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220523275310095,0.138403851185204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108043193488416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123948530849093,0.0,0.0,0.17233920253481724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731855402686638,0.1952866152422881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,-HATE-ME-,2020/01/11,I painted what one of my panic attacks felt like. [Here](https://i.imgur.com/2eb3sAI.jpg) it is.  It was painted as I was coming back down from the attack.,5.245000000000001,8.864486200000005,3.3675,82.05125000000002,87.0,4.1000000000000005,22.25,5.985473137389443,0.6648000000000001,125,4,18,1,4,35,21,25,0.302,0.617,0.081,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,3,1,3,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.737945246797912,0.0,0.24939003864442094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793818998758245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114080217806008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845143865779002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219774655826126,0.0,0.0,0.380531814162174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,anonymous1234098765,2020/01/11,"High functioning autistic with PTSD I'm a high functioning autistic with ptsd due to long term trauma.

Has anyone overcome ptsd or know someone who has? I'm currently in a domestically abusive house with my family. I have suffered through this abuse for over 25 years and am now just seeking a counselor because I finally gave up trying to cure myself by myself. I live in the same small town that also caused me extreme trauma. I fear that the only way I can get better is by leaving but I'm scared I will never get better. I have never been able to gold down a job, never had a true friend, relationships never lasted, never celebrated a birthday, christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. 

If I get better (and trust me I really want to) that could mean all those issues would change. I am scared because idk what that is like.... Advice please?",3.4323076923076923,6.116278576923079,4.3240384615384615,81.42721153846155,77.33333333333333,6.464102564102564,24.493589743589745,7.645422480735847,1.5391743589743596,662,23,113,10,16,213,103,156,0.172,0.698,0.13,-0.6301,2,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,3,13,0,3,8,0,14,0,0,1,7,23,24,6,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,15,7,16,18,4,23,0,1,0,0,4,9,0,2,14,77,23,1,0.11305634224125755,0.2679065568919945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104773491732232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041111604420224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905162318597674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783619375848066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29996744185857394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161400062845303,0.11959861935523874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026628980134878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608770669340538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065794577082673,0.12721981655552236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384769677494688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734704956721295,0.0,0.17720181777783472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23890046560360625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045183971134086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800144834001615,0.11219097479465988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062132809017015726,0.09215600835561633,0.0,0.11971034238635392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552336181226504,0.0,0.09983082148723868,0.10005130520789944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315150030316654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359801041943849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598444278837186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410191359850815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39647044209714943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242678781284406,0.0,0.0,0.12138020141215293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263782428437333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957922718993199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767578351686028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668355984271715,0.08973886213153996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031198178326439,0.0,0.0,0.07280457770558778
ptsd,ugred,2020/01/12,"So sick of not feeling safe - anyone else? Things were going so well for me until I retriggered myself last week. Now I never feel safe and I’m so anxious and hyper vigilant. 

I thought I was past it and everything was better, but I find myself spiralling at the smallest triggers. 

No where feels secure and I’m terrified 24/7. 

Anyone else?",2.3667187500000004,5.214534734375004,3.570625000000004,83.711875,84.46875,5.7,23.625,7.1686216300943375,1.3993187500000004,269,10,45,4,8,87,47,64,0.242,0.642,0.115,-0.8436,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,15,10,9,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,5,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,4,3,8,5,4,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528274120262251,0.0,0.312968754913349,0.4586138601854957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793065385504974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739080973402828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113471348988365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33947613844576385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454681077178766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718924570260196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242478794513745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260638665913425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363998495668074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868107846999234,0.0,0.0,0.1776701733248365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951681154152468,0.0,0.2012207805143005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,chickpeasalads,2020/01/12,"I still feel traumatized from my stay in a mental ward It was such a horrible experience in such a dark time of my life, the people I saw, I won’t go into too much detail but I can honestly say it was the worst experience of my life. I constantly had jolts through my body from how anxious I was, I couldn’t make them stop I even took anxiety medicine, they would keep me awake at night. I saw another woman in there with horrible anxiety attacks constantly and the nursers would yell at her to stop and treat her like she wasn’t even human, they treated other patients including me the same way. There were maybe 3 kind nurses out of the dozens of cruel ones. I felt so alone. They kept upping my date that I’d be there for for no reason (was going to groups, said I was okay all the nurses I reached out to agreed that I was fine to go and they didn’t understand why) they said theyd keep me there a max of 7 days and only people who acted out would be kept longer, my original date to be kept there was only 5 DAYS because I was doing everything I needed to, one day I go to check my date and it was upped from five to NINE. I was fucking crushed I instantly started crying and begging the nurses to change it, I was so hopeful to finally get out of there and suddenly I’m being kept longer? I had to put in a three day request to get out, I had no idea how long they would have actually kept me there (i have decent insurance from my dad) it scares me to think about it. I can’t sleep at night hardly anymore because I feel like I’m there again every time I lay down, I start getting thoughts like “what if they decide I need to go back and come and take me from my home” I have nightmares about being back there and one in particular I went up to a nurse in the dream and asked what my date was and she said I’d be there for two more weeks, I woke up scared and anxious and I felt like crying. I feel like such a fucking wimp because other people I knoe have been in mental wards and I havent seen them act this way about it. People have been through much worse than me but I can’t control it or make it go away and I wish I could. I don’t want to feel this way, I want the nightmares to go away and to be able to sleep at night like I used to. I don’t want to be afraid of therapists and nurses.",3.3586980920314247,3.94321216872428,4.405899738121963,89.70533670033674,72.37448559670781,7.7016086793864575,24.603815937149268,7.793537801064563,0.9789432098765434,1798,48,411,22,33,587,206,486,0.145,0.7390000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.9565,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,10,1,27,22,4,3,16,1,48,7,3,8,1,73,102,26,0,14,4,1,7,6,0,5,2,5,1,2,18,26,0,10,12,1,1,13,11,9,0,8,37,15,72,13,67,49,6,69,0,0,3,2,25,24,2,3,34,282,90,0,0.07194474490497553,0.0,0.07020769287303552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451305832174243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544033801073396,0.11007506586175972,0.16255416697030953,0.07134985481608824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725862465948049,0.08184753361001003,0.1351889122288099,0.11064213589570453,0.0,0.1315705461812803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991439280767731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610800057672389,0.061974027312563226,0.0,0.15549342080680656,0.08069214899676003,0.05744202460944925,0.0,0.1580558480263112,0.185593634493854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503765096537424,0.0,0.06061655053384595,0.0,0.0646592976966606,0.1407515312625048,0.0,0.0,0.14550969888667134,0.10279468027070854,0.13815647510278986,0.07881195141205202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302351472495072,0.11276447940902773,0.0,0.28621499547756185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444836004680668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216644515563403,0.07145736504323287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121685985326979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789558986578475,0.0,0.07491938066290428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163340197052888,0.21089140974681767,0.0,0.0,0.06366883527181154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096047351768342,0.0,0.07227816628801252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500676255924486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577533114720583,0.10669223347697354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025458082679219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625486327673273,0.10943444090920497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995097097156844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723243399013804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397118014265817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053077827563204,0.05721334879905425,0.1440584810242118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399340507865674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101845721482623,0.07668352551579767,0.05745516621592909,0.1202980564259714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409349453456444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835333939754057,0.0,0.04609928753363269,0.0,0.05711609114856098,0.08390311863680759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993325877989829,0.0,0.0,0.07027956179185828,0.07489701671378314,0.0,0.06213716008426873,0.0,0.0,0.12730462370705986,0.1713191692600243,0.05770973472265677,0.0,0.0,0.06669349931046797,0.06491894198751443,0.0,0.08273290605929283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331784146968134,0.20442993033968607,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,halflune,2020/01/12,"Nightmare help? Anyone know how to quickly relieve yourself from the panic of nightmares?

Had PTSD since I was approximately 14 (21 now) and its the one consistant symptom that I have never been able to get control over. I grind my teeth and I've basically destroyed one molar from it, as well as having nightmares every few days which means I stay up most of the night.

Therapy isn't an option as I've been in the system from 14-20 and tbh they have done all they can for me.

Anyone got any tips?",4.506122448979593,5.725219816326533,5.161836734693877,82.99030612244898,70.22448979591836,7.2326530612244895,27.26530612244898,7.447530270364453,1.4401877551020408,394,13,76,4,7,127,74,98,0.065,0.856,0.079,-0.1877,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,4,4,1,1,5,0,10,2,1,2,2,11,14,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,6,0,8,2,14,8,3,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,54,12,0,0.21941383536316816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492089320679675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30683851062341205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460912734969042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415037721555333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245365324330442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486561953459135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463467300516562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754852879752416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706846879878152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058410574807768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390059900804516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692254762659649,0.0,0.0,0.20590502098749852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29736098663354826,0.0,0.0,0.2574348604468765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564830319235314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150139197242512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23386595455739714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22805498699941554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25091884284314536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972793885337944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PoliteTimesplitter,2020/01/12,"What if my hurt and issues (disorganised attachment) stem from an innaccurate perception of my memories about my parents? so uuuuuuuh yeah this post carries a content warning for parental abuse, chiefly physical, I think?

I'm 27, a trans woman, pre-anything, and I'm in therapy. I initially started going because I felt like I generally needed support with being almost entirely closeted outside of the net and needing help with getting the support of my parents. The more I stayed on the more the subject became 'me' overall, and over the year or so I've been in therapy now it's the most productive it's been, rather than just doing tunnel vision on a specific problem. She's on leave right now.

I ended up describing some difficulties I was having with relationships and even just general socialising and it lead to us doing the adult attachment interview. In the course of that, I was describing stuff with my parents. I described some particular incidents where I remembered being pushed against a hard plastic prop in a theme park when I was a kid, another when my mother screamed at me and threw my own shoes at me, and another where I remembered her grabbing me, spinning me around and shoving me onto a curb before storming away. In each of these instances, I had been annoying them prior in some fashion, or misbehaving. There's probably a few others, but those stood out.

I told my therapist about how I would remember these events, rather vividly, every few weeks or so and that the more I talked about my parents over the sessions - which took some effort, as I would avoid the subject earlier on - the more frequently I thought about them. And apparently that, uh...apparently that's not normal? Prior, I had just assumed it was normal to keep remembering stuff like that. We got to the end of the interview, over the course of 3 sessions because I kept crying during it. High on anxiety, high on avoidance. Congratulations. It's a Fearful-Avoidant.

We continued talking about these things, still do. It was the first time someone referred to what I went through as incidences of abuse. I would always just say to myself, before this, that I couldn't have been abused because my parents cared about me, or it didn't count as abuse because it was inconsistent, because I was never routinely or ritualistically beaten, or that it didn't count because I deserved it.

A few weeks ago, my mother accused me of disrespecting her after not responding to some asinine suggestion. I ended up being made to sit in front of my parents and made to tell them why I will talk about things to a therapist without telling them. So I was upfront about it - 'you have a history of treating me with anger and violence'.

I was immediately met with incredulity. I was made to outline the events. I named them. One of them - the shoes - she said she didn't remember.  Two others - spinning me around and put to the curb, and being shoved against a prop at Legoland - she says I was misremembering. The former, she just pushed me away because I was being (her words) 'such a horrid thing', the latter, she says I fell and they were helping me up (I have cerebral palsy, balance issues - results in overprotective helicopter parents, to boot). Now, I'm not going to say she was wrong. These were years ago. More than a decade. Nearly two decades in one instance. And every time you remember something, you make an imperfect photocopy of it. My perception, built up over the years as I somehow drifted further and further from my parents, may not be perfect.

She then went on to ask me if I remembered one time that she definitely did hit me - I said I didn't. She explains an instance where she slapped me, because I was misbehaving, and she was mortified afterwards. 'See, you're remembering it wrong, it's all made up.' I felt like we were approaching something, because at least here she was admitting, of her own accord, to some wrongdoing.

Then, she said 'It was probably even just the shock of it then, I didn't hurt you.' My face fell. She admits to actually hitting me once, then justifies it with simultaneous 'you deserved it' and 'it wasn't even a real hit'.

That's the thing that kept me grounded. That wasn't okay. It wasn't okay to justify it. It wasn't okay to effectively corner me and make me spill the beans over what's going on in therapy because I'm seen as property. But still, the doubt remains - what if I'm wrong about this stuff that happened to me? What if I'm remembering it a certain, innaccurate way, and it's colouring my perception of everything else?

Even if my memories are wrong, though, the effects are there. I struggle with relationships. In bad days I dread getting up and seeing my parents. I feel anxious at mealtimes when I have to be near them. I am very apprehensive about the notion of going on vacation with them. I had trouble talking about them in therapy and when my therapist suggested a roleplay for tackling a subject, I just locked up and couldn't do it. That shit just doesn't come from nowhere, right? And if you want to look at fearful-avoidance as springing from your primary caregivers simultaneously giving you a lot of love and a lot of pain, well that day, where I'm being held and told that they'll 'support me' as a trans person while justifying and denying shit that my mother did to did to me, all from effectively forcing me to answer questions (understand, 'leave the room' is not something that presents itself as an option in my mental landscape) and prioritise my mother's pain over 'being disrespected' above all else, *that's* a big fucking dose of that.

Sorry for the long post. It's just all so fucked.",5.513864837623231,7.276093167785237,6.006975071907959,75.81219675738133,68.42473633748801,9.107107210462916,33.697777613884995,9.532500598960619,3.369719040243873,4486,212,780,98,78,1448,400,1043,0.151,0.794,0.055,-0.9987,12,4,3,0,6,0,145.0,4,8,11,8,56,41,7,6,58,4,70,11,5,12,7,160,136,68,0,19,31,14,5,3,0,6,3,8,2,4,70,47,0,8,28,0,0,18,19,26,1,6,62,19,137,15,136,54,25,130,0,2,6,3,93,63,4,28,47,597,207,7,0.0,0.1928004567004824,0.03969860763647122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212217677735439,0.0,0.04073596037793385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033849697356805805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531476412611548,0.03112071249875122,0.045957742165789066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03347684491512712,0.07242910123312922,0.038031070973290615,0.0,0.07644193055992139,0.0,0.03396678169228453,0.2479864753478656,0.0,0.06923275539044974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414768026225369,0.0,0.0,0.035042920415895226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468596558779756,0.052471521097568315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796720258119411,0.0,0.10809338344540613,0.0,0.0,0.10747717983524063,0.0,0.06855068319282989,0.0,0.03656129384498507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02056944263162654,0.0,0.07811992494130257,0.0,0.0,0.03460308087086505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521751679036259,0.042508094105731455,0.03902474509055661,0.0924793797225604,0.0,0.0325361644076344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03597391078410216,0.0,0.03644202014925983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453498621139459,0.0859630301861222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709930871750186,0.0,0.0,0.08492040432009795,0.0,0.03615897797481142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615021950793407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059623774737772674,0.0,0.0,0.036001241554791494,0.034161639283324566,0.0,0.0,0.06917074913349243,0.036716024261488386,0.15397268493652194,0.05430952045766434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409966937803002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032861843673944,0.031375552795778965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971712364326654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332374081474783,0.0826991202039441,0.0,0.08657451177640879,0.0,0.451712313476326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035520918950458724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792195203971138,0.0,0.08772159923723284,0.03892604635627659,0.0,0.04089545568039032,0.04557182358667956,0.0,0.0,0.046303674187376166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735194292424174,0.4147509032547683,0.06948238829824664,0.11609031402151865,0.12940406913240446,0.0,0.0,0.06483468595933174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351654499537436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0344687229473284,0.09395423773859156,0.0,0.04553884234952352,0.028794090584230075,0.04336033655369082,0.06497550359386386,0.0,0.0,0.042528421098313535,0.1397094027960348,0.0,0.13849232197322714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079079410402605,0.07111365162914762,0.0,0.18608823150735607,0.1417006867596141,0.10810610470587086,0.0260666239443032,0.03996869466753387,0.032296023404957866,0.07116393196958731,0.0,0.0,0.07774452507046617,0.045197882846630864,0.0,0.0,0.07947849115291647,0.042350163607279764,0.04893401213335233,0.0,0.0,0.03356593321587315,0.023994598977420536,0.03229053779694845,0.0652633927083363,0.0,0.0365769386917421,0.0754230470389493,0.03670810848033132,0.0,0.0,0.03921485443053272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669545239560852,0.17791234221157884,0.0,0.07859133420080093
ptsd,pinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk,2020/01/12,"Uni project: designing for the future of mental health Hi, I'm working on a university project where I'm designing a product/service for people with mental health problems, focussing on PTSD. For the project, I have to interview people who could be potential users for the product/service. If anyone is interested I would greatly appreciate it :). 

Some additional info about the project:

The goal of this project is to designing something for the future, specifically something that could be implemented in 2030. At the moment my team and I came up with a concept for a product/service. Now we are looking for people who struggle or have struggled with PTSD and are willing to help us out with some questions. The interview will not include questions about your personal life or experiences. We solely want to hear your opinion and critique of our product idea so we can improve it. So if you're interested and would like to help out I would really appreciate it. Let me know in the thread :)",6.238043831168832,8.53884957386364,6.3424025974026,71.9818181818182,67.4659090909091,8.892207792207794,38.13961038961039,9.424239791934726,4.108306493506493,799,45,124,17,14,254,97,176,0.04,0.816,0.14400000000000002,0.9542,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,5,2,0,3,6,7,0,2,13,0,17,3,0,0,0,35,24,10,0,9,5,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,7,15,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,13,4,29,13,2,14,0,0,1,0,19,9,0,9,5,94,20,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628078549374276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748842580467984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198793379671272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346938662167556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181117866442267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29273046203150405,0.1551942709943694,0.0,0.1845904892256151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554428965354424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567454551840477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408042799307358,0.09725930315202844,0.06727168809676731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156306097449844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775319216989979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863848148756891,0.12023151122459826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175721568299853,0.3219203186619835,0.0,0.3085037989433275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821207889689839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201140666848575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879011292347374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563226411122445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121712448675865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024489091569876,0.0,0.0,0.29344751109513784,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CookingWithPTSD,2020/01/12,"My life is not going very well now and I need someone to listen, offer advice, or whatever So... Long story short, about 4 months and a half now, I decided to leave my terrible life conditions and to start a new life. On one hand, I haven't been happier, really. Freedom is amazing! I re-discovered myself and that I am capable of a lot of things. I have a lot to contribute to this world. I had some amazing life changing moments. I found out my vocation. I yearn to be a teacher. I am quite good at it, and I love it! I have never been happier doing anything else in my life. 

On the other, though. It is very rough! Especially, this month. A psycho crossed my path not long ago and I do not remember what he did to me. I do not know, if he raped me or not. So, now I am freaking out, if I am pregnant or not. It's too early to tell, so I will know for sure in the end of the month. 

On top of that some biker robbed me. My bag had all my cards, some money, all my weed and my phone. I don't have access to my money now... I will have money in the beginning of the month, so there is that. And I found some job for tomorrow, so there is that, too. And I have my lap top. So, good. 

Still... now I am stuck in a shitty place in Cambodia, the school I am in is quite terrible. I am teaching English as a volunteer. The system here is quite dreadful and abusive. I do my best to give the children love and support and the light in their eyes keeps me going, so there is that. This past month is just getting worse and worse really. I left my old school, because it was abusive, now this one is even worse. And my heart is totally broken, because I really loved those children and they loved me, and I had to leave them. I was making a huge difference, but the teachers just kept pushing and pushing me, till I cracked open and just crumbled under the weight of it all. There were so much abuse on me and on the children. Child neglect, child labor (free, the teacher was very strict, when she told that when I ask children to do work for me, to not pay them), corporal punishment, emotional abuse, turning siblings against each other, parentification... I did my best to be a shield and to gaslight the teachers as much as I can that, sure, I will use their methods, of course, I will... Problem was that they were peaking in my classroom and they didn't like that I wasn't using the stick. A scooter hit a child, he was limping around with a pained expression in his eyes. Nobody did anything or cared. I carry first aid kit with me, so I am always prepared, I did what I could for him. He was alright at the end. No way in hell, I will abuse children. I will nurture them. No way in hell, I will neglect children. I will take care of their pain. No way in hell, I will use children as free child labor, I will play with them and teach them how to be independent. Not little slave machines, to cater to adult's needs. 

Before I left, I had a total mental breakdown and I couldn't stop crying for about 4 hours. 

And after that my colleague yelled at me for being too noisy. We lived in the same house. I tried to suppress my crying as much as I could, but I guess he heard it.  

The new school I am in is not good either, I am looking for job opportunities near me, just to get by, and I have work for tomorrow, so there is that. And an interview for Tuesday, so that too is good. 

Another thing would be to come back in Europe... I have no phone, I have problem with money. If I have an abortion, this will cost more. Fortunately, it is quite cheap here. Oh, yeah... I have no idea how my mind will take another abortion... I had an ex who was a psycho, he impregnated me against my will and my monster of a mother forced me into abortion. So, I have heavy guilt around that... I will totally implode. No idea. I will cope, somehow. I hope. I am very resilient. 

But I really hate winter, and there is no that big of a guarantee of safety there, either. Another human trash raped me there, just before I managed to collect my shit and escape. 

On top of that, I have no weed now. So, managing my PTSD is very hard. Life is very dark. Hope is artificial, if I can say. Fake it, till you make it. I have no other meds, too. No alcohol to keep me going.

Also, I am hungry. They are not giving me enough food at the school... Ugh. 

I will have 10 dollars tomorrow, and on Wednesday and on the weekend, I will have 30 dollars. Also, in the beginning of the month, I will have my rent. I am renting my apartment, this is how I go by. So, my overall financial situation is kind of stable. So, this is good. 

But, in this very moment, I am struggling a lot. 

This week will be really hard. 

I am very alone, this is even harder. I have to make all the decisions by my self. I have no one to see things from other perspective and to give me insight. I have no one to talk to about any of this. 

I need those things. I need many things, really... I need to be safe, I need to not have to look over my shoulder all the time for who will be the next monster to rape me, I need a fulfilling job, I need to care for people, I need to talk to people and to connect, I need to be able to express myself freely, without fear of abuse and persecution. 

So, if there is someone out there, with whom I can talk, that would be wonderful.",1.6545496868122531,3.5185807830540057,3.2535720331809728,91.05842475029628,79.15828677839852,6.313323175893007,22.859658032842393,7.308994046794036,0.7661851024208568,4027,129,882,53,99,1330,374,1074,0.16699999999999998,0.715,0.11800000000000001,-0.9967,6,1,2,0,4,0,209.0,1,1,12,13,66,56,9,4,47,2,127,24,6,10,11,152,188,79,0,25,32,2,6,1,0,22,9,4,2,14,53,49,3,8,11,2,13,8,30,25,1,6,28,16,155,33,127,124,26,112,3,3,5,7,64,51,4,21,50,671,208,18,0.043730265282363706,0.3108792812022237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273270911885497,0.038764241639592106,0.046734354363946684,0.0,0.045291366474560765,0.0,0.06994215469399315,0.03638708387343868,0.0,0.0,0.02973807996670073,0.13756498818188578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719725645346081,0.07785841491187702,0.04088189488712193,0.0,0.0,0.03362587469395476,0.0,0.05331512765296234,0.0,0.07442246973812464,0.0,0.0917844309417472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375775977431612,0.0,0.04626082224249089,0.03766975139844324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983011692779133,0.0,0.09607128599522696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568881970755799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653102529833493,0.04919066250986728,0.07746407041954348,0.045185053873437984,0.0,0.057766855578093565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920870618009795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037196941309562186,0.05287881036186259,0.09589595746329134,0.0,0.0,0.045694517419792725,0.12585016561137527,0.09941167009730477,0.18339435875231624,0.0,0.0,0.04817381740222504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834745638705395,0.043174583461549065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182057491261912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686804112924637,0.04306550251199514,0.050458854798041713,0.0,0.0987322932752082,0.0,0.0,0.13018662180635446,0.0777389381345678,0.0,0.04553834189705517,0.048066020307899096,0.0,0.0,0.0926080735643587,0.095026122364635,0.0,0.1853278777591287,0.021364398715942454,0.04382921416582799,0.038614625419927114,0.07739981732739125,0.07344481817687877,0.0,0.0,0.11153372320194127,0.15787308704352407,0.0,0.08757087494115832,0.04433562525977522,0.0,0.0,0.04857446644608317,0.0,0.04406982193645918,0.0,0.044155101837859784,0.0,0.20943048322389576,0.0,0.0964403299540496,0.3242543760269328,0.033727476471099666,0.08446992542047559,0.04650763323683689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588755719143027,0.0,0.11853103801396228,0.0,0.0930641709467696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04174548639467288,0.06063411958578562,0.0,0.04568881970755799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368791594778711,0.05111833995279483,0.0,0.0,0.1860500799701828,0.0,0.0,0.16808836630392868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953786585917386,0.0,0.0,0.03477606215686253,0.0,0.17702945245276666,0.034847359653511524,0.0,0.04562020390598341,0.0,0.044888488891548346,0.0,0.04915465040366776,0.0,0.0,0.07410502372734429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030952506845297205,0.0,0.03492304634318217,0.03656045988771497,0.0,0.045716368131667115,0.0,0.0,0.049624586815337116,0.0824305150043922,0.0,0.06575943438734745,0.10544619228286796,0.0382221793462509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526222560053276,0.0,0.042964763609238184,0.0,0.025499469355624083,0.0,0.0,0.041786142496646736,0.0,0.02968997959672192,0.047565971165421585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330672579213713,0.0,0.28865638929457665,0.0,0.1041331473145152,0.035077781040573075,0.05325168211186032,0.03931876028257748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04215441521404289,0.04742360729049795,0.06367230790101319,0.0,0.13369462891143222,0.0621294515479709,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,globshaks,2020/01/12,"Really Need your help.. Hello everybody 👋 

So, here is my story, I will try to make it quick

I changed of city by age of 6

I installed myself in my new city everything was cool
I made a bunch of friends at school
2 years later, I was with my older brother and we watched South Park, and Eric Cartmann, (maybe you know or no) is a terribly racist guy, and he said to Kyle that he was a Jew.
At this time I didn’t knew what being a Jew was meaning and I tought It was like being a bastard, or something like that...

I was Bullied by a guy I tought my friend, and I told him he was Jew, when he told me I was stupid..

He told to the teacher obviously, the teacher asked to all the kids at school not to talk with me anymore, he told all the parents of the kids to tell my parents that their kids will not talk with me anymore, he asked me to do a presentation of the life of Ann Franck.. 

I was 10, wtf happened ?
So anyway that was the first trauma and it induced the second one I believe.

2 years later I entered  middle school, and I started making new friends. My mom met the mom of another guy from primary school, and they said that It could be a good idea if we were meeting again.

So I seen this guy and he instantly started being a good friend with me, a really good friend. Then, one day he asked me to kiss him, and he abused of me sexually. He was my age and he was repeating that it was normal Friend things.
It lasted for 3 years until I pushed him away from me.

This summer I had a girlfriend and I had my first sexual relations with her, but it felt awful. I felt absolutely nothing, I was totally numb.

Since this day, I started to think “what if I am gay, and this trauma made me gay?” . 
It’s literally become an obsession.
How could you let yourself being abused if you are not gay ?
I started doubting I ever liked womens.
And obsessions become my lifestyle, I doubt of everything what happened in my life now..

And it’s been 6 months from now I live in constant fear of sexuality, and intrusive thoughts who looks like OCD.

Is it normal that I am so deeply doubting of my sexuality ? And my identity ?

I am followed since 6 months by a therapist but no real progression were made except being able to talk about it...

I really need help, because I think that I am loosing myself, and my worst fears are gonna replace me..

Thanks",2.8022636039250663,4.315073682203392,4.254210526315791,86.68525869759145,74.88983050847456,7.256556645851918,25.55664585191793,7.94452939551167,1.3797449152542378,1806,62,380,27,38,600,206,472,0.113,0.7879999999999999,0.1,-0.9209999999999999,3,0,1,0,2,0,63.0,2,4,2,3,15,30,2,7,22,2,41,7,0,7,5,67,77,33,0,9,11,5,2,4,7,3,3,2,0,8,29,25,0,0,10,0,0,3,6,14,0,5,35,8,69,16,43,30,5,46,3,0,3,4,63,9,1,8,38,258,98,4,0.0685777540638412,0.1625068492966425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190975454046505,0.0,0.0,0.13602140927822196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923328282001208,0.0,0.06443105738459838,0.0,0.0,0.041804362361617074,0.15147748296602231,0.0,0.07726364499354997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254617071385709,0.0,0.0,0.07410818944954722,0.0,0.10950751279468353,0.0,0.0,0.08845395615026877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062032504701259414,0.0,0.0,0.12326652686694355,0.0,0.0,0.1543380781446828,0.0,0.0,0.13169079665846575,0.0,0.0,0.11666440514748284,0.0,0.0,0.3178980160514973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255929937773848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716110332093511,0.12128616287428795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193244598395604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741593702516288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037688540170279665,0.05590002251293826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012539981526808,0.09687699156084477,0.13401450655773875,0.0,0.06055541324106911,0.0,0.05758804166491995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946697871077931,0.09155236670520292,0.0,0.06889557143376497,0.07470127843302568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063487345218944,0.10947621804764132,0.0,0.0,0.1016990713855434,0.0,0.13246564441978326,0.0,0.0,0.13438327709340658,0.06580220457651066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929401219197675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229496051572658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805649770569187,0.1317979958611471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046629652475394,0.0,0.0,0.2776173932166481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345645364913225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279450548427398,0.0,0.0,0.1941587491765995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536060311208262,0.05993997973866269,0.06313718223015173,0.0,0.07962405809805234,0.04556001258019856,0.08788371151153054,0.0,0.05444307651722688,0.03998823988231528,0.0,0.0,0.26211593137234884,0.0,0.046559793447345066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248547562138285
ptsd,TinyRhymey,2020/01/12,"My [21F] boyfriend [20M] aggressively grinds his teeth every night Hi folks I just found this subreddit. My boyfriend was diagnosed with CPTSD when he was still pretty young and he’s slowly started telling me about the events that lead to it developing. I love him more than I thought I’d love anybody and I’m trying to learn as much as I can about it, but I’m still new to researching it.

From what he’s said, he used to have some really awful nightmares as a kid. He says that he doesn’t remember any of his dreams, ever, and that he probably doesn’t even have dreams. I know lots of people don’t remember dreams but he talks in his sleep at times and moves around as though he’s dreaming. I’m worried about him grinding his teeth though.

He does it every night. Like, aggressively. He knows about it, and I don’t know how I can help. He’s a really deep sleeper in the sense that it’s really difficult to wake him up. (The guy’s slept through his dad having to change the batteries in the smoke alarm above his bed.) If I rub his back or talk to him in a soothing voice or rub his jaw he usually stops pretty quick, but I don’t want to do anything to mess with his sleep because I don’t know what could be going on in his dreams. (He knows that I’ve been doing this, too. We’ve talked about it.)

I figured this would be a good place to ask for advice. Does anyone have any tips for what to do, if anything?

TL;DR: My boyfriend aggressively grinds his teeth whenever he sleeps and I’m worried it’s going to hurt his teeth eventually.",2.583931623931626,4.40433525641026,3.3641025641025664,91.52534188034193,76.24358974358975,6.92991452991453,22.452991452991448,7.793537801064563,0.8094286324786326,1208,34,265,18,27,382,153,312,0.10400000000000001,0.7709999999999999,0.125,0.7731,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,1,18,11,3,1,9,1,22,13,10,3,1,38,43,21,0,5,8,1,2,1,0,1,1,3,1,2,19,9,0,1,11,5,0,4,6,7,0,0,7,5,31,4,39,32,4,30,0,1,0,2,45,11,0,6,16,149,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240620039367104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425308078606822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327634511518685,0.0,0.17247764109871136,0.0932913522709616,0.0979708426310928,0.0,0.0,0.0805822549828049,0.0,0.0638831443058964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086109752049944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367170131586185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636652558933468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183416736513458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921728472665829,0.09479468710005368,0.17659161373749613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490425998518936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911685005903615,0.08789856688572019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376528817431416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702430725098125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121871202842571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879678476554349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119841314319449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909447465720208,0.18916637070188871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138239211157208,0.0770376912592274,0.0,0.0,0.10121338300584036,0.0,0.19668935751480612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265289200042832,0.0,0.10949033008202266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132320004526853,0.11298865341255372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140650193378307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374286453095949,0.0,0.09968573585515546,0.08333860556870422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31461738848285675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417570016143442,0.0,0.16738168751390425,0.08761480044086736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526950460275029,0.0915970046909089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592460823378966,0.08319693728423679,0.06110784508188662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115013447449264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051077037301307,0.11541884742340733,0.0,0.0618118559444199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285243378178476,0.0,0.07444462563646688,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AbsurdPigment,2020/01/12,"Tips for going to sleep sober? Those moments before sleep are the toughest for me. It has gotten to the point where Im anxious the mkment I get into bed because I know those thoughts and flashbacks are coming.

I cant be in bed without distractions, which means my sleep hygiene is poor. Reading a book isnt really possible with my anxiety at such high levels, nor is something like crocheting because my thoughts are free to run. Meditation usually fails because of intrusive thoughts.

And the sleep I do manage to get when sober is filled with horrible horrible dreams.

I want to stop relying on drugs and alcohol for sleep, but fuck is it hard.

Does anyone have any tips? Something I havent tried? The only thing that kinda works is having my cat with me as he helps me stay grounded during flashbacks.",5.6411818181818205,7.312821433333332,5.618848484848488,79.06609090909096,68.0,8.654545454545454,32.303030303030305,9.095868883498916,2.954266666666667,645,28,111,12,11,202,98,150,0.145,0.7909999999999999,0.064,-0.8616,0,0,4,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,6,0,16,8,5,0,0,18,28,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,7,8,1,1,5,3,2,4,5,3,0,0,4,1,13,3,18,23,0,18,0,1,0,1,2,9,1,1,5,68,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638798143382302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678662096816872,0.0,0.0976296759279138,0.1441753454135939,0.0,0.08923553419637519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23338963615009656,0.0,0.10859602704528952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993414639554952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168195164214068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799978274364614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798350999579756,0.1333533559690304,0.0,0.07252992579050327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432330212470253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554163132938146,0.13483853846838095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785252373542414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013713546034192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234914882364662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901662576597915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706148179584936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064304662281143,0.14387344350234324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276554840695087,0.0,0.08175724722820316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6385655717545139,0.0,0.0,0.1964976815754874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602695009093949,0.0,0.10669682703960652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847856870941403,0.0,0.0,0.3039503320092248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664624645231381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405564441016732,0.0,0.07527414169196221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302203973533225,0.0,0.09290957012290987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,healingisntbinary,2020/01/12,"techniques for nightmares¿ What techniques have you found most helpful for nightmares? My nightmares have been debilitating for over a year now, and I’m wondering if anyone has experimented with lucid dreaming and/or other methods for avoiding nightmares",9.289615384615383,13.428400974358981,6.9714743589743575,62.44644230769231,64.8974358974359,6.976923076923077,43.08333333333334,8.07648339933343,4.638533333333333,214,13,23,3,4,62,31,39,0.059000000000000004,0.8640000000000001,0.076,0.1761,0,1,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,6,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32294061361266985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517840146695608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5064015156323095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095724944072937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5008633782681113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974202685597052
ptsd,throw-away6473,2020/01/12,"2 years since my accident Returning to this throw away.

It feels like yesterday and there has not been a day that I have not had an intruding memory come back and remind me of everything. I have constant suicidal thoughts and especially worse now that I've stopped abusing the painkillers that I was given for so long. I just want everything to go back to normal and for the accident to have never happened and for me to not wish for death.

needed to rant because these few days are harder than any other",8.089374999999997,7.525061687500003,7.631333333333334,74.54700000000003,62.33333333333334,11.846666666666668,35.86666666666667,11.20814326018867,3.957844166666667,406,16,75,10,5,128,69,96,0.217,0.7170000000000001,0.066,-0.9472,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,18,17,6,2,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,1,7,1,13,12,1,16,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,13,55,14,0,0.0,0.2437860332449001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992045767795758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331359835662376,0.3164257936133184,0.0,0.12542634007835127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723971628924978,0.0,0.2223480624362821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653899104933035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36983865906984814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403591176161828,0.1469914152531697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693530982935392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819484696343099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005215013779077,0.0,0.0,0.1820867029203903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256472761043055,0.15869094270521505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20159621701390465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702026646930215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202039560502366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506257789087697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334648932311224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135963169620133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23660809912803024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096819261960765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324994759875972
ptsd,throwaway206784,2020/01/12,"[19M] idk what to do anymore Long story short i was constantly raped, beaten, forced into having sex with random women, basically any sexual act you could name probably happened. This was happening about 3-5 days a week between the ages of 6-9. Its all i can think about most days, and results in episodes of sobbing on bad days. Its causing me to harm myself occasionally and i worry that its going to ruin my relationship. Whenever we get into a fight i break down, because i was doing my best to hide it all day and that just busts it open. I've been talking to my therapist about it. But it hasnt been helping. The worst part is i still see the abuser around town some days and he has even reached out via social media and completely degraded me. I dont fucking know what to do anymore, im going crazy, please help",3.1084920634920614,5.052788438271608,4.583350970017637,82.81222222222223,75.1111111111111,7.344620811287477,25.7689594356261,8.192908349453996,1.712088536155203,645,23,124,11,14,215,114,162,0.257,0.6859999999999999,0.057999999999999996,-0.9878,0,0,0,0,2,0,19.0,1,1,0,2,7,11,4,0,5,0,15,3,0,2,2,25,24,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,12,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,10,0,0,5,1,15,1,20,18,7,24,0,2,1,3,11,10,2,3,10,83,27,1,0.0,0.17543740254249102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069191138984557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29368907018042073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318126897237327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363132442325435,0.09026141088095913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538914747862834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210752039966538,0.0,0.0,0.15524739660058776,0.16000984968236684,0.0,0.11822094691232687,0.0,0.0,0.4774608694579856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353561683060234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779809439030043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688728748083304,0.0773598750186222,0.0,0.1683019059697706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618736314328409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849488932447515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599397919861979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137478046876148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103629347702905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160344160653694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253515871246302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964328902977112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897055677078753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179917215344938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093756964813915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824799354190788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901215166583505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191937439037294,0.0,0.09487655529664547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877191884092067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037112834172536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,meeseekstodie137,2020/01/12,"can you dissociate without having PTSD or CPTSD? side note: I had an initial consultation with a therapist on friday and the chart I filled out only had very basic symptoms, so she treated it as if I just had anxiety, we only discussed symptoms such as wishing to harm others, suicidal thoughts etc. so I never mentioned the dissociation and it's kinda throwing me off, anyways, when I overload on emotions I tend to completely forget the day that I feel them, the only thing I remember from that day is certain interactions with people (for example I'll randomly recall someone asking me if I'm ok, but not someone casually talking to me), it gets a little better if I get away from the place or people involved but I still have difficulty remembering what happened during that time (like, if I have a really bad day at work I'll become unresponsive to people and fully do -or so I've been told, the thousand yard stare), I was emotionally abused as a kid, (my earliest memory is of my mom telling my toddler self that she would walk out the door and leave the family, and I could tell everyone growing up it was my fault I didn't have a mom because I didn't know how to communicate with her) and while I don't have any other symptoms (no flashbacks, dreams, etc.) I tend to dissociate whenever I feel increasingly isolated or emotionally vulnerable",6.563562252964427,7.404582359683797,7.787151679841897,67.3963796936759,65.32411067193677,10.751877470355732,35.97060276679842,10.686352973137794,4.198375691699605,1079,51,180,28,16,369,157,253,0.13699999999999998,0.809,0.054000000000000006,-0.9626,0,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,1,1,1,2,9,9,0,0,14,1,20,3,0,1,2,40,33,25,1,7,13,2,2,1,0,1,3,0,2,2,12,12,0,0,6,3,0,5,7,3,0,1,10,3,31,6,25,21,3,24,0,0,1,0,20,11,0,10,9,134,43,2,0.0,0.12705701403319802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292409379687731,0.0,0.08203517506848439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025109693298448,0.0,0.10075166428640912,0.0,0.08953750280464706,0.06537001336519807,0.11843363379592055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484144499703913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243480787240262,0.0,0.0,0.08561914559365087,0.0,0.0,0.20747486514912286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618778842632262,0.0,0.0,0.2391927648895327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246850429641977,0.0,0.0,0.1010924690368756,0.0,0.10844339295987136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205267044998468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482835809720873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058934049832752564,0.0,0.0,0.11354734149813125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239004729356511,0.10747855034525501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25118679561843554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270694209123536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24467321772351885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22303162623054848,0.0,0.11203869844836592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253530362966417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869806773132371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429547556840676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187043791656376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817212714191319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856387335717241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729867678146445,0.0,0.0,0.33437750070918165,0.0,0.08619215974007996,0.1874578180493274,0.0,0.0,0.12450915282563944,0.07124277140083063,0.0,0.0,0.08513333151186367,0.06253011953503172,0.0,0.0,0.10246850429641977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848085363764414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331600039235364,0.10337158728685823,0.0,0.07806901721355952,0.0,0.0,0.07617731133459307,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sk0512,2020/01/12,"Resources to support my friend going through PTSD Hi all, I’m looking for any sort of guidance - books, podcasts, online communities etc that could better help me understand PTSD and support a loved one going through this. 

Any input is appreciated 🙌. Thanks !",5.2354545454545445,8.632664363636366,5.005636363636363,74.84845454545456,75.81818181818181,6.247272727272727,33.8,7.554174236665415,2.928632727272727,208,11,30,3,5,64,39,44,0.0,0.58,0.42,0.9738,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,11,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,6,5,10,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,16,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29415263924897017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128013735605529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268022360870727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24120691604853134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709569080573636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458313142947875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496644955464322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816188799855331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519915741128424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655543373920124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5056343458615327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908589660030607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991195392405188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515281593388745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cw9595cw,2020/01/12,"I feel like the whole world is still laughing at me on social media. I feel like people are always watching my every move, and always criticizing everything I do and insulting and humiliating me after a personal attack online (Facebook) last year from 200+ strangers last Winter. 

It is a terrible feeling and I don't know how to shake it. 

I was attacked online Last Winter for a misunderstanding comment and feel like those people are still taking about it. 

I often fear what if someone has a screenshot of the dumb comment I said when I simply misunderstood the post, what if that arsehole shares the screenshot of my really dumb comment for the world to see with my fb pf pic and full name. 

I didn't know it was legal to do that I thought they have to blank out a name. 

This was almost a year ago. 

It didn't go viral. 

They don't know me personally. 

But I still get haunted by the memories. 

I need to seek professional help.",4.847185217017619,6.259618050279332,5.864916201117321,77.53856037816935,69.61452513966479,8.412720240653202,28.29437043403524,8.841846274778883,2.2502321443919207,737,26,135,13,13,244,103,179,0.19399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.098,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,7,13,5,2,12,0,15,0,0,1,0,25,29,11,0,3,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,11,8,0,0,8,0,0,3,4,8,0,0,7,7,20,5,17,22,2,23,0,0,2,0,14,6,2,4,16,92,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039411592299,0.0,0.13600171695081772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22602226220177035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090242758042365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443219364267873,0.0,0.12206410971360868,0.0,0.0,0.15283257006158232,0.2746938565992827,0.29108438177145074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095909522017799,0.0,0.07718827731153627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103568063484822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392541848395955,0.3321284368648333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906087054764476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443526245979353,0.0,0.10070703639420953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883176585826361,0.23718139550970624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007572630226438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700823835814088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919364841126588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822905028664292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844894881728198,0.1150778196572981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253923548085644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211793952102542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782401084957173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163551051261673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749241749320878
ptsd,DarkLord84,2020/01/12,"Does trauma make you want to be alone? I've had severe PTSD since childhood. Over the last ten years especially my life has been hell on earth for the most part. I've faced unemployment, financial hardship, workplace bullying, the demise of several important relationships, living environments not working out, physical assault and the worst was enduring a complete emotional collapse which lead to me having to quit my job and move back in with my parents. As part of my recovery I've had to speak some very firm truths to people and I've seen significant fallout from that.

Things have settled down over the last few years but I think it's all just caught up with me over the last year or two and I just want to be alone all of the time (my partner being the exception). I no longer answer phone calls, reply to texts or respond to Facebook messages because I just dont have the energy. I can't help the way I feel and its showing no signs of improving.

Is this normal?

Thanks.",5.645600831600831,7.037944886486487,5.7145945945945975,79.43833679833683,67.70270270270271,9.151767151767153,30.987525987525988,9.466822959209583,2.8059521829521827,784,31,144,16,13,247,128,185,0.174,0.7440000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9467,4,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,3,4,6,2,0,11,0,14,2,1,2,3,30,22,9,0,3,8,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,6,8,0,0,3,1,0,3,5,4,0,2,6,3,14,2,26,13,8,21,1,0,1,0,10,8,1,4,9,96,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29871229471883576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088716209744992,0.0,0.08790794672418023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725263952204312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119949639864447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619751952519226,0.0,0.1690108719795168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221475328322785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291597110167446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665967984242413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310433226941885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526466562345935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018584775825794,0.0,0.0,0.12733843408515286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962600566081481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327043617125286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412933638499225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012607918246632,0.31232673619223955,0.0,0.09997577027124782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857160445902594,0.0,0.0,0.15338311318044415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548255793802097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32582831335511936,0.0,0.1192904677821348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327674849766167,0.0,0.0,0.09580548374373413,0.09240275647132257,0.0,0.0,0.08408892906343883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087040344010732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898682235590576,0.17011540049644153,0.11446571319534275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049852470991292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27859595206613
ptsd,beeonerom,2020/01/13,"Do I have PTSD? Hi everyone, new to this sub reddit. I was alone when I experienced my trauma in March of 2017. Ever since I have been diagnosed with GAD and depression because of it, however, I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is PTSD. The trauma I experienced doesn’t affect me on a daily basis luckily, but if I go near the area in which it happened I experience an intense sadness and debilitating feeling of desperation and makes me cry every time. Exactly like what I felt the very time it all happened. I avoid this area entirely and will take a different route (it is near a freeway exit) but I wonder if I’ll ever get past this and be able to travel through the area without these feelings. I am seeing a therapist and am on medication for my GAD but I haven’t discussed this with her yet. Any insight would be helpful as I don’t want to say I have PTSD if I in fact do not. Thanks.",4.517500000000002,5.2561270833333325,6.38666666666667,75.99000000000002,69.83333333333334,9.555555555555557,31.11111111111111,9.725611199111238,2.9174444444444436,705,29,139,16,12,246,107,180,0.14300000000000002,0.773,0.084,-0.9102,2,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,9,0,19,2,0,2,5,33,34,15,0,6,9,0,3,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,12,8,0,1,6,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,3,8,21,2,19,27,1,22,0,2,1,0,5,11,0,5,10,99,33,0,0.1494005633228585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473392675004738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159750622315816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107319671572027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410950350016426,0.0,0.0,0.12867848627118808,0.15163842691554946,0.0,0.15609179038341128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27028272573839146,0.125876418192968,0.1427586406754773,0.0,0.14614241865022498,0.0,0.0,0.15108282760138594,0.0,0.14344796992691694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805562805534166,0.0,0.08490778307371334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642288494869328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014004836659693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210664243996932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298956872560347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972603613239488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050534981135122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442919950310529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261974271777714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5239237907040749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880932445386652,0.0,0.0,0.11905290601217836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358568984349085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233063048927416,0.0,0.0,0.13754796610897188,0.0,0.17346556906525085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423333984212624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327111123410125,0.08812032308294386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440168116717007,0.16201853792228926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061298736729888,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,potatochipgrape,2020/01/13,"Reliving past trauma because of a recent event Trigger warnings for mentions of Sexual Assault 


So about 7 years ago I was sexually assaulted in a violent way and was too scared to come forward about it. I didn’t tell anyone for years and basically dealt with it on my own (not well but I tried). I was diagnosed last year with PTSD,  after not being able to even try to talk about what happened, because I finally opened up a little about the event.  I still haven’t been able to go into much detail about what happened because I freeze all over again. But very recently I was attacked again. It didn’t get nearly as far, I actually reacted this time and was able to fight back and the guy took off. I’m still too scared to report it. I don’t know what he looked like, and I don’t have any dna, I’m almost sure there weren’t cameras. I’m scared that the police would do the same thing the did to one of my friends and charge with a false report because there isn’t enough evidence. I don’t know her whole story but I just can’t handle a court battle on top of everything else right now. I get shaky being around that area of that town ( it’s not somewhere I visit often but I have friend out there that don’t know why I’m avoiding them) and I haven’t gone back since. I feel like I’m losing the progress I was making in therapy. I’m jumpy again and I keep dissociating in and out during the day, I’m scared to sleep again because I can’t fight off the nightmares which means I’ve been purposely missing my night med (the anti psychotic) because I can’t stop myself from sleeping while it’s in my system. I feel like I’m losing myself and making really bad decisions again and I don’t know if I trust myself right now. Or if I should trust myself. I got into a huge fight with my best friend and decided to walk home when WE TOOK MY CAR and he said he’d rather walk home than me since I have severe physical health problems. But I wouldn’t get in the car and looking back I don’t understand why. I don’t see my therapist till Wednesday and I’m trying to keep it together till at least then. If anyone has suggestions to help, please. I need it.  ***********PLEASE DO NOT START ABOUT THC OR MARIJUANA!!!!!!*******

Seriously, I can’t with my other meds and it doesn’t help my physical disabilities. I’m glad it works for others but it’s not for me",1.1453459119496898,3.5185521194968565,2.74724318658281,91.09935534591196,84.40880503144655,5.965199161425577,19.734800838574426,7.315561048560121,0.5255392033542976,1839,52,389,29,54,602,224,477,0.16,0.71,0.13,-0.9051,1,1,0,0,3,0,59.0,1,0,1,6,31,33,8,6,16,0,39,4,2,4,2,76,79,34,0,9,18,0,3,3,3,3,2,1,2,1,23,29,0,4,10,0,0,11,24,21,1,1,17,7,52,12,55,56,8,75,0,3,3,0,21,28,0,8,39,251,75,3,0.2315168539736391,0.0,0.07530901759019494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840857404000035,0.0,0.07727689557144371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052479799917760105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792131155556443,0.0,0.0,0.06869969481998425,0.0,0.08779461475108022,0.0,0.17802217002319126,0.0644356342008459,0.28226105064116425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098755159684172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647708993168702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976973930051303,0.0,0.0,0.07832824446391763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446754130037889,0.0,0.0,0.07973959950361645,0.0,0.05097156618737871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935747335286174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804125178146241,0.11026379115868166,0.0,0.08453846569123408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886934707764626,0.0,0.12095800069546525,0.0,0.04385878780707087,0.0,0.061721725863275526,0.0,0.0,0.07641269482061101,0.1364863929151581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203052985260338,0.0,0.0,0.1034539113684648,0.0,0.15482018751067098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718854491243304,0.0,0.0,0.1696474776734817,0.06290571204379744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310744048351902,0.07734690311381584,0.0,0.0,0.12961056555214073,0.17267209325249674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030261985234919,0.0,0.0,0.0840632418229137,0.17144202201734904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673050878042051,0.05722227122734951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724209613574866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229393731860427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366967793196989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942398830442001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384345407289339,0.09021027100117596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943854166112355,0.0,0.15239664193172964,0.0,0.0,0.13180941887125938,0.07340851498501012,0.0,0.3090516790257848,0.0,0.061496319342953326,0.0,0.0,0.08718271544590378,0.0,0.12767542269076665,0.0,0.15445603511784747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462294028441652,0.0,0.12325977243057346,0.06451948552014881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273396499357726,0.0,0.0,0.06202815917381627,0.06745197829712245,0.0,0.08825323313758325,0.08960297054111868,0.05126983681300695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499977978708331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148249558301412,0.1571847466826767,0.0,0.0,0.08033906995564752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367521697821933,0.0,0.06125576748724991,0.0,0.0,0.06938715192623666,0.0,0.13927196704543088,0.08616009983935415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056182342348410685,0.0,0.0,0.05482097683994192,0.0,0.0,0.14908926338080275
ptsd,jackgibson12,2020/01/13,"Therapist thinks I have ptsd from childhood trauma, Dr thinks i have panic disorder and depression. Some questions. For the longest time i thought all my problems were from panic disorder, depression, and social anxiety and was optimistic that they could be solved, either through counselling, CBT therapy, or medications. I've tried pretty much all medications out there (benzos, gabapentinoids, antipsychotics, ssris, snris, and stimulants like adderall). the antipsychotics did nothing, ssris and snris did nothing. Benzos helped get through the day but I basically have failed out of school because of them. Adderall helped with focus and social anxiety due to an under active prefrontal cortex causing those, but my doctor wont give stims and benzos at the same time.

My counselor, the person I am most open to, thinks that all of these problems are just symptoms of childhood trauma, dont really want to get into it that much but grew up in a chaotic household and certain important family members and role models were addicted to hard drugs my entire childhood and pretty much everyone in my family has a mental illness.

I don't know what to do. currently having a panic attack so bad i have not left my room all day, skipping lecture and falling even further behind. what medications or other treatments helped you get over this? or is it something i will have to live with and cope with for the rest of my life..",8.75,9.83439822764228,7.78648780487805,68.44753658536588,60.6260162601626,10.299837398373985,37.538211382113815,10.203070172399654,4.224559674796748,1148,52,165,23,15,354,147,246,0.20800000000000002,0.721,0.071,-0.9887,1,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,2,1,4,14,1,3,10,0,22,10,0,2,5,48,32,19,0,4,9,0,1,1,0,2,10,0,1,1,11,19,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,12,0,0,6,1,18,2,30,22,12,24,0,3,0,0,12,13,0,6,10,126,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112346814391938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561150552558818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160810773270982,0.0,0.0,0.08519608927604498,0.06220041122644108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048194375331808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146772182881099,0.0,0.0,0.1316100075767184,0.0,0.17576751559621706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23388499172380545,0.10443852675642763,0.0,0.0,0.11958584099170776,0.0,0.1183297703351116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739404612522215,0.0,0.0,0.09750010405212556,0.0,0.0,0.19238157749368148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992934272644252,0.09788256352426723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140452663906624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517844151492956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056076508878126534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086279164157632,0.0,0.07207129080621523,0.049849806020803335,0.0,0.0900999654772841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30837266026578963,0.10282864049267594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502537069785106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195813257423264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591530114478293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909420413997722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076152991356362,0.0,0.19527001118778967,0.1192750315435167,0.0,0.11430406289109316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536709789974032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103266232554373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802641594015567,0.0,0.07855256643343801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605483553438903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668745753092075,0.118472065531711,0.0,0.1961423169968784,0.0,0.08100546346123284,0.11899643120428492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927598306587339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060183682255877724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Chatchm3ifyoucan,2020/01/13,"The horrors of parents divorcing I'm kinda nervous about posting here but I feel like it might be good.

Hi everyone!
I have been diagnosed with PTSD last year. I have a lot of panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks and paranoia due to it. 
It's been quite hard for me for most my life. I already had problems since I was 6. 
One of the biggest things that caused me trauma was the very, very bad divorce of my parents. 
One thing that really haunts me from their divorce is one particular bad fight.
I remember it like it was yesterday, I can't write it down properly though. I'll try to summarize it. My mom was upset with my dad. They screamed and yelled at each other. Something fell or one of the two hit something, making a loud noise. My mom hits my dad and walks out.
I was really scared.
My triggers because of that are loud/high unexpected noises. Fireworks, crying babies, screaming children, honking, ya get me. And unfortunately my parents.
I love them a lot! With whole my heart! But when I see them I start sweating and get nervous and I'm scared, especially with my mom. When I see her she really makes me scared and nervous. 
I had panic attacks at school, or wherever, sometimes and people would just tell me I'm overdramatic or that it's not that bad or downright laugh at me. Call me names.
I do have a partner that takes me serious and tries to help me as best he can and I am going to therapy. I don't have it really bad, I realize, but IMO that doesn't make my PTSD, my fears and panics any less valid. 
Anyways, that was my story in short. Hope I can find people here that have similar experiences and can support me and maybe make some friends along the way! 
With lots of strength and love! 
M3",2.2660393498716864,4.723762592814374,3.3939897348160852,87.72624550898205,80.25748502994011,6.451873396065012,25.411120615911035,7.6583078777640585,1.4587693071000851,1342,53,265,22,35,432,180,334,0.252,0.624,0.124,-0.9944,3,0,2,0,3,0,46.0,0,1,4,3,8,34,3,11,9,0,28,6,2,6,0,53,49,25,0,3,9,8,2,2,2,2,2,4,0,2,21,22,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,23,0,5,10,8,49,11,28,34,9,20,0,0,2,2,31,8,0,12,9,178,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990839612354368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554049974823233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185376484547114,0.0,0.0,0.2721089757403287,0.049665689861110494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550175685414578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831938885875496,0.0,0.0,0.08369606523961355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949517528786925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826942212835972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785173496120533,0.0,0.07969703822839222,0.0,0.09168070854169516,0.04119561588692345,0.05820491961775495,0.0,0.0,0.07446560355636914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294647807367112,0.0,0.08513342574350713,0.0,0.046303454507000866,0.06833638214923178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298454756883804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654687948183437,0.05461019009112613,0.08608157341557159,0.0,0.08092189551997862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641204468904363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754737479211031,0.07960799475914966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779840729856247,0.1470666229959614,0.0,0.21753765367827416,0.0,0.08185141191807896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643085721942867,0.0,0.2862634909992166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083509998272904,0.0,0.0,0.2867759509549528,0.2714011355186555,0.0,0.0,0.11296738884134665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802940660267628,0.0,0.0,0.07795945093933458,0.19047709196804352,0.0,0.0,0.08665744580581987,0.0,0.0,0.20877688410068126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229396572611676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24470854774357664,0.08245586448776691,0.12984818630055106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673959931613856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544506781713874,0.08057970002423738,0.0,0.057667595411525385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245553548325204,0.0,0.0,0.06125817976059138,0.0,0.07121171752914911,0.0,0.09317242381749133,0.0,0.10825518328938843,0.0,0.08004762319100575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063076342847752,0.0,0.07958809218713585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444888288039064,0.0,0.06467013305552474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096262032547564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578766704247207,0.0,0.0,0.052466474562271735
ptsd,Ally_19,2020/01/13,"Relationship problems caused by trauma Hi!

I had a very hard time during my childhood. My mom was mentally ill and beat me and my siblings on a daily basis and my dad beat my mom often in front of us children. My mom yelled at me for everything: If I laughed to much, If I cried, if I was angry so basically when I showed any emotion at all. If I did well in school (A:s were the only acceptable grade) helped her by being her emotional support as soon as I came home from school aka listening to her problems etc she would not beat me. But as soon as I did the slightest wrong she beat me and told me that she wished that she had just done an abortion etc 

I remember that my mom used to beat me when I was 4-7 years old just because I was so ugly. She pulled my hair and slammed me into a wall and she beat me and cried at the same time and yelled that I was a disappointment in every way. She forced me to have my hair up in a high ponytail or else she would beat me and pull my hair. I am born with a large forehead but the high ponytails only made it worse (I never wear my hair up now bc is how large of a forehead I have) I was also bullied because of that and because everyone knew that they beat me at home so in school they knew that I was an easy target, I remember just laying in my own piss one time because I was so scared after being beaten in school and scared of going home knowing that my mom would beat me because I pissed my pants. 

In conclusion my childhood sucked and that has caused a lot of problems now that I am a young adult F21, especially in my relationship. Me and my BF M21  has been in a relationship for 2,5 years and he is wonderful. The problem is that I am so insecure, I can worry that he will meet someone better if he goes away to work or just goes to buy some groceries. I am constantly feeling as if I am not enough and that he will leave me for anyone because I see other people as better than me, like I really mean every human I meet. I have a lot of anxiety and have a hard time talking to him about this, I really try to and are not actively refusing to talk but I often just don’t know how to describe it. I also don’t want to control him or let my anxiety make him shitty because it is not his fault, he has never given me any reason to even be worried but still I feel like shit. I feel sad sometimes and jealous when he hangs out with friends but I never tell him that he should not hang out whit them and he hangs out with them despite me having panic attacks and feeling as if I suck and that he will find someone better etc etc etc 

I am 100% aware that my feelings are not valid, I am loved but I just can not feel it and believe it. I go to trauma focused therapy (PTSD) so I am working on it and by BF knows about it and we always talk about it. He usually hugs me and tells me that he loves me etc and I just lay in his arms crying like a baby and knowing that my feelings are stupid but just can not make them go away.

So, Reddit or r/ptsd what do I do and am I the only one who feels like this?

I love my BF so extremely much and I really want to grow old with him and have kids and be together through everything but I feel like a terrible person for feeling this way. As if I should leave him before he leave me and that this is an example of how fucked up and unworthy of love I really am. I just don’t want to hurt him and I know that my heart would shatter into pieces without him but if that is what is better for him then I want that. He says that he is happy and we really are happy most of the time but this ruins so much. 

And also, during one year I had this thing were I bought stuff on credit and it started out as what I thought a one time thing but then I used it as a coping mechanism. During that time I did not really understand that it was bad but when I realized about 6 months ago I knew that I needed to talk to my BF about it but I did not want him to leave me so I held it a secret for three more months and then I finally told him. I have ruined his trust in me now. I have never lied about anything and neither has he that has been like the most important thing in our relationship but now I ruined it.  We are trying to work through it and he says that he wants to be with me. 

I am a fuck up and just want to break up with my BF and kill myself because he would be happier without me. I really don’t know what to do anymore, I am so tired of myself",3.89106007971624,3.8411736267232257,5.203672249241233,86.71319989395548,70.95121951219512,8.369832157092185,26.438896405455807,8.104835398774808,1.3549790251215854,3442,96,782,44,58,1155,317,943,0.175,0.7,0.125,-0.9959,1,0,0,0,0,1,53.0,5,0,5,19,48,56,12,4,29,0,86,21,12,12,5,184,144,103,1,29,49,6,16,6,6,10,2,5,3,5,59,58,0,3,31,1,3,11,21,32,1,5,32,22,155,24,103,95,21,92,0,6,1,7,96,36,7,21,48,586,214,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840329625032523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039363537176536,0.03604827290752079,0.0,0.0,0.05892235970950301,0.0,0.06628407488588188,0.0,0.04296485387222811,0.030292504686390387,0.0,0.03565120328441036,0.0,0.0,0.04928625756030874,0.0814069191034513,0.0,0.036172962001016745,0.21127477853604298,0.0,0.0368647499879755,0.04881027530002339,0.0,0.15326297377243187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049550061855805634,0.0,0.08900947362901576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046816858424433096,0.04859051779738334,0.0,0.0,0.14276510649402882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433455205589736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036190874050976124,0.097465267226421,0.0,0.044764322390773416,0.28990011528950543,0.028614485597848818,0.0,0.07300312642929095,0.04139705928925056,0.07787198121646371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190545084419733,0.0928500505303945,0.0,0.047458316271730326,0.039596510045267125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0334713039621247,0.08010297829560513,0.0,0.0,0.07386451384077494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223644800737996,0.07761793990620497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133805811897793,0.02903854715795522,0.09154642475654906,0.1303697440695075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637825292215838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047930568916321366,0.0,0.14285538986835866,0.0,0.0,0.1834915444666701,0.0,0.04430078429244679,0.0,0.12699281065162188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366346634353152,0.1564030837506056,0.04099334558584677,0.05783698431031437,0.0,0.0,0.047191534464677005,0.0,0.0,0.04365947471022761,0.0,0.0,0.25369733710596765,0.06916013789094269,0.0,0.09554234534338882,0.03212351470409853,0.1336537196045756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909205689826456,0.0,0.1174273602468611,0.09884746313161634,0.0,0.050830299630141934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03003476862749062,0.03782804220536443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581734571753662,0.10128472375566758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942771197569776,0.04454334145146637,0.0,0.1860510978484203,0.09815320809762366,0.0,0.0,0.06890450378710254,0.08674792124264821,0.17538107854102208,0.034522885517992444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044470518813681185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341500979944178,0.0,0.04284763366000308,0.0,0.03066429884329542,0.0,0.034597867466372924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959456137969099,0.0,0.04916251752034605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928580187749712,0.07573256252060559,0.0,0.04954371735990087,0.0,0.0863457874747301,0.0,0.0,0.034393686101761335,0.17683425345872392,0.049793507112186386,0.0,0.08279411857850112,0.0,0.05882705472326227,0.0,0.0,0.045100853910188,0.0521123307322082,0.07483446210051359,0.04771425172714727,0.03574607796953113,0.17887152437109333,0.06877568839480187,0.0,0.0,0.03895265160521358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498194036753777,0.0835238058195708,0.04698203197082434,0.09461915414206452,0.08799338091588264,0.04414991947904778,0.1538773643407242,0.04736698675660199,0.0,0.08369592890516715
ptsd,pyroparrot44,2020/01/13,Strange trigger. Interpretation needed. Was exchanging social pleasantries with some people in my professional social network. But I said goodbye to them after I left the coffee shop and they said bye and then my name. And my hands started shaking and I felt like I was dying. I have no significant ties to those people other than knowing them through friends of friends at work. I want to work through that trigger so that I can find better social support while working on my health. Anything that you can out about your own experience would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.,4.673996763754047,7.98212383495146,4.483713592233013,78.20447006472494,77.64077669902912,5.763430420711974,31.884304207119737,7.1686216300943375,2.3918809061488684,477,24,73,6,12,146,74,103,0.05,0.723,0.22699999999999998,0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,3,5,2,8,0,1,1,0,7,2,1,2,0,18,16,8,1,3,1,0,2,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,5,4,17,7,15,9,2,12,0,0,0,0,15,6,0,1,6,56,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829523107262298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863129726398497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441491733451991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439037634403278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135948740873718,0.0,0.1535995422845718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25967828792854136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528161300021492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786349748966344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235882350733704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825926258891798,0.0,0.0,0.08210335358352254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461091014032473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330168344902909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31971823795626303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5139337866887537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189504393549572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907072158644696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472278427338965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099123397634699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670388817337604,0.0,0.0,0.11938169653674625,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,UCSF_THRIVE_LAB,2020/01/13,"San Francisco Research Opportunity Hi! My name is Morgan and I am a researcher for the UCSF THRIVE Lab. We are conducting a study for people who have had trauma exposure, I have attached a bit about our study below and was wondering if this could be posted on your page?

San Francisco Research Study

The purpose of this study is to examine the effects of inflammation on emotions and thinking patterns, as well as on the brain. We are looking for participants who would be able to come to the San Francisco Veterans Affairs Medical Center for 2 visits.

The first visit to the VA is a screening session, where you would have a blood test, a drug test, medical and psychological interviews, and fill out some questionnaires. This visit would take about 4 hours, and you would be paid $50.

If you are eligible, we will schedule a second study visit. During the second visit you will have a medical interview and blood draw, and you will be given either a typhoid vaccination or an inactive placebo. The typhoid vaccine is approved for adults and children over the age of 2, and is widely administered to people who are leaving the country. You would also get a functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) scan. You would then complete questionnaires and tasks, and at the end of the visit, you would be asked to give a final blood draw. This visit would take about 8 hours, and you would be paid $165. Participants who take part in the entire study will receive a total of $215.00

If interested please email us at the [ucsfthrivelab@gmail.com](mailto:ucsfthrivelab@gmail.com).",8.311643661074534,9.341531776173287,8.060012741558719,66.29791463155661,61.56317689530687,10.705372690592485,35.788702484603945,10.59048541779884,4.066235676364409,1270,54,198,29,17,406,143,277,0.01,0.941,0.049,0.8478,0,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,5,10,0,4,6,4,0,0,28,0,36,8,4,2,1,41,49,21,0,13,5,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,2,8,18,0,0,4,0,2,10,0,1,1,3,5,3,18,3,30,24,6,31,0,0,3,0,37,12,0,6,8,148,26,8,0.10923708284640063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735685568599556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212192653913382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925860231185932,0.0,0.0,0.12194471132891553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409807435983243,0.11453300304197785,0.0,0.0,0.08721692195052094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266803356233132,0.0,0.0,0.1228770152928114,0.09675163211794832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966388479180548,0.0,0.09291700686535873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707186719291715,0.10479016365710887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515304493805293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566629814472293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917316375286448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301346059313074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829311564663875,0.0,0.1514624780285123,0.0,0.0,0.11990951368502628,0.0,0.0,0.10461892944816004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463980747333867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999471188788962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313987606569605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982172563251719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184629566049429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6983900054015701,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mamamaji,2020/01/13,"How to act if the abuser is spotted in public? Hey, everyone. I’m new to this sub, so I’m not sure if there’s anything in my post that could work as a trigger, so I marked this with as NSFW (better safe than sorry, I guess?).
I was diagnosed with PTSD not too long ago, and I’m still struggling with vivid flashbacks about the events. At the end of last year, someone I trusted made me undergo a heavy traumatic experience, to the point I had to get a restraining order against him. I’ve been trying to go back to having a regular life, but I get anxiety attacks whenever I go out to places I used to go with him. I want to be able to go out again without experiencing this. I know it’s a difficult thing to do, but my therapist and my friends have suggested me to try doing it. I’ve been talking to my therapist about my fear of spotting him in public, but I’d feel better if people who went through the same events could explain their experience, and how to act if this happens. Thanks in advance!",5.9855805580558,5.350598980198021,6.876768676867688,78.467196219622,66.62376237623762,10.315751575157517,34.205220522052194,9.800150414767053,3.080647524752475,782,32,161,15,11,262,119,202,0.114,0.8009999999999999,0.085,-0.6267,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,4,11,11,1,2,10,0,12,2,0,5,1,35,31,16,0,7,10,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,2,3,0,0,8,3,4,0,0,6,3,21,7,35,22,1,30,0,0,1,0,12,9,0,5,11,109,30,1,0.13440097012094765,0.15924317218404996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913835072171795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028163742708926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060054670472128,0.0,0.0,0.15290050626660093,0.0,0.10334604994622763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23773347218598204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461647667020675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364141555545664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903936720574702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284258865776064,0.0,0.2629398766049593,0.0,0.15123845707995562,0.0679571687904585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383785611942277,0.0,0.1404379193854442,0.0,0.3055326743652257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805782108757587,0.0,0.11885033401193387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386325828945013,0.10955472890709736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493137990532123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894062920515668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717344760794694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980529444826605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317671002153426,0.0,0.14042040798808875,0.0,0.12705235899697598,0.0,0.12871897751626016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710754179666084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138775058358458,0.0,0.0,0.15045088248090932,0.0,0.0,0.10733278835139948,0.0,0.0,0.14050507554959707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667132376884607,0.0,0.0,0.10802640876495358,0.0,0.12373835594755468,0.0,0.31209977052857457,0.08929003250530605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249887280148147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607928566452927,0.0,0.0,0.07927317438639754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459104580781888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955773908679025,0.0,0.09784550695587843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654981824899409
ptsd,expensivebutbroke,2020/01/13,"Male bartender tried to gaslight me Friday night in front of men saying we had a sexual relationship when we don’t and now I’m having nightmares It’s 5:11 am where I am. I just woke up out of a dead sleep from an *extremely* vivid nightmare of a man who tried to kidnap me and almost succeeded. I remember the whole dream so clearly because it was so realistic. Like, realistic enough that during said dream, I fought back by grabbing his hair and the steering wheel of the truck, and he began TO BITE the top of my right wrist. Guess whose wrist feels like it’s been bitten even upon waking... 🙋🏼‍♀️

I also had two nightmares yesterday, one I woke up from that morning, and then another during a mid morning nap. In each of these dreams men are trying to hurt me in devastating ways, although the methods of the dream change.

I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd over 5 years ago from an abusive relationship, so I’m no stranger to a ptsd nightmare. They are vivid and scary and make me feel absolutely helpless. I don’t have very many nightmares anymore like I did when I first left, but I’ve been triggered before. And even so, I can’t ever remember being triggered so bad that my symptoms flair up to this degree. 

I just feel so helpless. And heartbroken. And being sleep deprived now is not helping. And the best part is if I try to tell others that this man has triggered my ptsd by putting my safety in danger, everyone is just going to laugh at me and accuse me of overreacting because the bartender is so beloved. Because he is the sober one and he painted me as being “too drunk to remember” he just basically told other men that getting me drunk makes me easy. He stripped me of my safety and all he got was a slap on the hand. I just...I can’t do this anymore.",4.1429111405835535,5.558744462643677,4.8886206896551725,83.85306366047746,71.32758620689657,7.5377541998231665,28.614500442086648,8.012643519586192,1.82943068081344,1395,53,273,19,26,450,184,348,0.141,0.726,0.133,-0.7261,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,1,4,22,13,2,0,18,0,28,11,7,5,3,42,45,29,1,1,7,0,6,3,0,0,2,2,0,6,16,19,2,0,6,7,0,3,6,7,0,4,15,10,32,6,37,27,6,34,0,4,2,0,26,17,0,3,16,183,48,1,0.0,0.1252938974946323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373907903413156,0.0,0.1058911857634718,0.0,0.0,0.084566508841248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088582977583268,0.0,0.0,0.20974688248457815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813135609574019,0.0882950286821598,0.19338870386947307,0.0,0.0899836225039425,0.0,0.11097583316790204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186719226163597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733183086252668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926578612278673,0.0,0.1396909009837953,0.09565497477816737,0.0,0.10104659212587318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040785467303012,0.07554627748842478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994905804332133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552488814261442,0.0,0.060098934004738085,0.0,0.0845762072958502,0.0,0.11649316704885015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088054757937264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320524904417102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489533675731295,0.0,0.0,0.15498915818115575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117500768737973,0.1072117112181287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923718357946916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433149453005187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451460485423537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708406954130519,0.10630578619375816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270672086572818,0.3593750626772872,0.09030807692169716,0.10059041113668647,0.08409492617775123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116484181463056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991249510349978,0.0,0.0,0.09242827252772913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104659212587318,0.0,0.28718336551656626,0.0,0.10330027318360226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725304218951595,0.0,0.08393771263856731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806368604770645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809814139682586
ptsd,whoopydiscoop,2020/01/13,"saw my moms ex boyfriend who would abuse me psychically and verbally in the store the other day still fresh. my mom left him when i was 11, i’m 13 now. holy fucking paranoia. saw him in kroger, i was with my sisters who don’t know much about the abuse, i got the brunt of it and he was good at hiding it. they made me walk up with them. i stood there unable to breathe while they talked to him about school. frozen in the car the whole way, finally broke down in the bathroom when we got home. first time i’ve cried since i was 11, and this shit sucks. i’ve been holed up in my room because i feel like if i go outside i’m gonna see him again. like if i open my curtains he’s gonna be in the yard. 

after my mom left him i used to fantasize about seeing him in public and putting him on his ass. he’s legit a 55 year old guy with a messed up back and one kick from behind might cripple him. it’s not the same in reality lol, straight up fear",1.0679901960784337,2.6003741323529432,2.24960784313726,99.11990196078432,79.73529411764707,5.513725490196079,19.666666666666668,6.139981653823899,-0.3583509803921565,729,17,183,5,18,232,126,204,0.159,0.772,0.069,-0.965,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,1,0,3,1,10,9,3,1,11,1,9,4,3,2,0,20,27,10,0,3,3,5,1,2,0,4,0,0,4,1,7,10,0,0,2,1,1,4,2,6,0,2,11,5,30,3,28,11,3,39,0,1,4,2,26,20,4,3,16,106,37,1,0.0,0.32702538354075444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611689392253952,0.0,0.08412622418165949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515913943911512,0.08900144535734457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529335969118016,0.06977919016319822,0.0985903977158456,0.0,0.15117711566422773,0.0,0.11738650402748838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758287868355406,0.0,0.0,0.07843110213780345,0.11575157458854406,0.22074951120849828,0.0,0.0,0.13664609013963538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842970299427296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584362971543672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998844502519694,0.0,0.0,0.13484399456624913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058313555861986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464008995140953,0.0,0.4848873877755515,0.0,0.0,0.10144914054759588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481244229827864,0.0,0.09351537842462004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387325767565996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396678584428972,0.21994333836597987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416595719041294,0.11415869678838167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021052204532372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109227393374788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047149730140038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919152449344922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954149889996467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540770260324949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803439285055787,0.0,0.0,0.08887033308890227
ptsd,bluetopaz96,2020/01/13,"PTSD episode after a decade (Trigger warning: sexual assault) About 10 years ago I was sexually assaulted at 13 years old by a 21 year old. It was very traumatic and most of my school new about it since his sister was only a grade higher than me. When cops caught him (I never went to the police but other girls did) the oval news made reports about it and it was even on TV. However my name was omitted thankfully due to being underage. But yet people knew. Everything regarding what happened traumatized me. I had to be present at court so the judge could read my testimony and so I could testify against him. At only 13 years old... I went to therapy until I was 15 or 16 and was put on anxiety meds for about five years until I got tired of taking them.


I’m 23 now. But I’m having like a random panic episode tonight. It sucks. It’s like going through it all over again and it makes me feel so small. It makes me feel depressed. But because it happened so long ago it feels like maybe i shouldnt still get panicky over it. I just wasn’t expecting this to come out of nowhere",2.0115729386892163,4.3355384976744205,3.2595031712473603,89.09986786469351,80.30232558139534,6.6997885835095135,24.191331923890065,7.84624498591911,1.3478837209302328,847,31,173,15,22,274,135,215,0.12300000000000001,0.807,0.071,-0.8975,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,15,9,3,1,7,0,16,1,0,4,2,31,37,17,0,4,6,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,15,7,0,0,4,2,0,6,3,5,0,1,16,3,20,4,28,16,2,39,0,1,0,0,7,9,1,3,27,111,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115408502490494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954279668961056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604210591620493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745495140977572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919408923215967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744086553493742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823915001931245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211086310630022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892212548733548,0.08911634318973198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517300973268296,0.0,0.07089425721768901,0.0,0.0997682819807732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22061944549415508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282922031831186,0.0,0.0,0.11039352930776253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803473556089462,0.16653369104532315,0.0,0.12532099628277082,0.0,0.13856122586291758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962094043850298,0.12047745730570035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392690026766852,0.0,0.0,0.18974517294393714,0.0,0.14635890019662834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648101104981523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458177591265699,0.1254010553590648,0.0,0.0,0.12477664390575345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262464610544084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318860494312514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961983046278004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379112636138576,0.0,0.0,0.11484649034628194,0.14265436240214127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337359785207787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292594566688557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312758114495316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016516459220821
ptsd,tattooed_babe,2020/01/13,"can't manage my ptsd well enough to find employment. it's Sunday night and I'm already feeling anxiety about a job interview on Tuesday and I feel completely helpless to the point I want to cry.

I'm concerned I'll have an episode / panic attack during the interview. (this same fear applies to many situations: meeting friends, going to dinner, movies, etc).

I have a service dog and while he is a tremendous help I still feel this intense anxiety/fear/shame cycle.

I'm not looking for meds advice, I'm looking for some bit of emotional support to guide me on how to manage this feeling.

I do not feel as though I have explained this well but anyone reading this with ptsd will generally get the idea of what I mean.",5.811841038118409,6.762038343065694,6.194841849148421,77.76108678021087,67.02919708029195,8.716626115166262,34.930251419302515,8.841846274778883,3.0867248986212488,571,27,101,9,9,184,91,137,0.092,0.792,0.11599999999999999,-0.2165,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,2,7,0,7,1,0,1,0,21,24,8,0,1,3,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,9,1,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,7,9,4,16,23,5,9,0,1,2,0,7,3,0,1,5,62,16,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362595220761196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387592285270596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066715063437768,0.0,0.0,0.09749995338658456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863355851483105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223277637766666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620058177738834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316870595002652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685165538088425,0.0,0.1440791836682727,0.15551287917651727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138183805494243,0.3525262203195941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744597792930148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077312889733262,0.0,0.07285184152264103,0.0,0.07924717935956234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934639450790208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741121230742636,0.0,0.0,0.13837305765551014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341895945776433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413706557204296,0.0,0.15189144833621465,0.1548868236890091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308553473783745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636032376943575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181622688843014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259966763127174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947811102838184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567368254887271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113572647811496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823528678876153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699946191628487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224554682477153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507472891469736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lambo1109,2020/01/13,Nightmare question Do ptsd nightmares specifically deal with your trauma or can they be just nightmares about bad stuff happening in general?,15.046818181818182,14.65896822727273,11.22636363636364,53.75954545454547,48.54545454545455,14.254545454545458,53.81818181818181,13.023866798666859,7.487945454545455,119,7,14,3,1,34,21,22,0.24,0.76,0.0,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281587835762624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051906841790168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475499948843686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4594242481661219,0.0,0.4402770427012144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499186694719726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bkstars,2020/01/13,"Roommate's Cooking I (21M) grew up with a narcissistic mother and very dysfunctional household. Anytime my mother did something she didn't want to do, such as cook, she'd throw a tantrum at the same time. This happened often. I'd hide in my room under the covers crying and fearful. I'm living in a college house now. When my roommate cooks, specifically the smell of sauteed onions or cooking red meat, the fear hits me like a wave and I freeze. I can barely move and I feel like I'm back in my childhood apartment, not wanting to leave my room or do anything besides tensely wait until it's over. I feel small again, hopeless, and fearful, from sauteed onions and a steak.",5.175683760683762,6.3486941923076925,5.111025641025645,84.14619658119662,68.61538461538461,6.700854700854702,32.9059829059829,6.42735559955562,1.865726495726496,535,24,100,3,9,166,88,130,0.182,0.762,0.057,-0.9457,0,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,3,9,0,6,4,0,0,0,17,15,11,0,2,3,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,7,4,1,2,4,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,5,13,2,14,11,1,21,0,1,1,0,4,11,0,3,9,59,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622668708813268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532356772222705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188470979944155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6819098574939124,0.20427195648653604,0.1443070160681157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862567474341828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330779324476179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138861296072788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737149805039436,0.0,0.17836744593468526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21469131793218055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550750293993748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177863354154227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666904816274614,0.23828665491846374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JustSomeRandomMan3,2020/01/13,"Today I saw two people fall off a mountain and die Hello.
Today my girlfriend and I (and two other friends) were hiking a mountain in Italy, in the Apuane Alps. We were about to have lunch at a ""rifugio"" when we heard two people screaming from a nearby mountain. We thought at first that it was just some people being silly and screaming because they had climbed all the way up, but then we spotted two figures, around 300 meters away, plummeting down a very steep rocky side of Mount Sella. They were screaming while falling, then stopped vocalizing half way (probably they fainted or died), then crashed into a rock, making a thud so loud that it sounded like a demolition ball. We were like 99% sure they were dead. A few other hikers were there and saw the scene, and also more people came by, and we called the hospital helicopter. They came in like 20 mins and managed to retrieve the corpses a few hours later (because of the very remote location). It was a married couple, we later found out, 52 and 47 years old.
My girlfriend and I are a little shocked, cause of course it's not nice to see something like this happening...
What do you think we should be doing to avoid having this as a ""trauma"" in the future? Thanks!",7.87389855072464,7.274192317391307,7.0710869565217385,78.5043115942029,62.78260869565217,9.057971014492756,34.38405797101449,7.793537801064563,2.502579710144928,963,35,174,8,12,296,144,230,0.115,0.8,0.085,-0.7507,0,1,1,0,0,0,37.0,8,1,5,2,7,15,0,1,20,0,17,2,0,2,2,39,29,20,3,1,4,0,0,4,3,1,1,6,0,0,11,23,1,2,4,2,0,5,1,6,0,6,16,9,19,9,24,10,5,39,0,0,3,0,20,16,0,2,20,124,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889831350922744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009191754207748,0.0,0.0,0.11619140059287038,0.0,0.0,0.15077534378162338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262802065912691,0.2828895209348531,0.0,0.12704246175741885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683775448304705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25669846633449594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519306359125806,0.0,0.13559703024543274,0.09554661274152262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093603745533685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178937258933208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416743391895389,0.1239491514780971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255023390018443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977015183892895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429469506272458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333644771871436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854843949432313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520668734659177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339309218700128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655687405254612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138580977962068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924230910003209,0.0,0.09817962904693114,0.0,0.0,0.2344481172498721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832278377284834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408028755903054,0.0,0.19632590569299807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796389898263606
ptsd,april_may_june_july,2020/01/14,"Barriers to EMDR Therapy So I've decided this year I've finally worked up enough courage to try EMDR.  I'm a bit scared and nervous but the things I've found on this subreddit have been really reassuring.  I find it so difficult to start the process though.  

How is someone supposed to find an EMDR therapist that they like?  Let alone someone who is taking new patients, has availability late nights or weekends (so I don't miss work) is within driving distance and is covered by my insurance?  There are so many resources online that list therapists but there's no information about what hours they have available or whether they are taking new patients, many websites don't even have a picture or bio of the therapist.  

Calling random places makes me super anxious so I tried emailing a few places but they never got back to me.  I work an office job 10am-6pm so the only time I can call is during my lunch break and I don't want to do that near my coworkers so I would have to get a meeting room.  Even then I won't be choosing my therapist, I'll just basically end up with the first person that happens to have availability and is covered by my insurance. Everyone says make sure you get a good therapist but I don't understand how to do that.

How did you find your therapist?  How many therapists did you go through before you found ""the one""?  How do you tell your therapist it isn't working out and you don't want to see them anymore?  How do you even know if it is or isn't working out?",3.664758620689653,5.735682165517242,4.558827586206899,83.03893103448277,73.89655172413794,8.088275862068969,29.87586206896552,8.841846274778883,2.554657931034483,1188,53,226,25,25,384,153,290,0.063,0.853,0.083,0.8686,1,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,9,5,7,22,10,0,2,13,0,34,1,0,8,2,44,53,30,0,4,11,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,13,8,1,1,10,1,0,2,10,4,0,2,6,2,30,6,23,43,3,28,0,1,1,0,24,10,0,6,16,156,43,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773039329202734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432130355678229,0.07402225213677356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573931096379491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351265214782703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148691928077346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243039364897534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610837527729725,0.07712247709711137,0.0,0.1478959063135898,0.0,0.0,0.07132116798401572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176384035891024,0.2046572432684304,0.06348825570208476,0.0,0.16367655118622826,0.0,0.0,0.07799203654912862,0.0,0.04241930457657343,0.06260400738806854,0.059695965604502015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600339591114468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735047974150889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406811100807432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041019875296910716,0.0,0.08419652104107063,0.0,0.0,0.07632386774791225,0.0,0.036465052255529415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964478985964924,0.22701798164900355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756652496136181,0.14417444110794558,0.0,0.0700440429650043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057760520842499,0.056766645134094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517226583135093,0.15596462322960994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781592609832035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059356265563666265,0.07472708411461519,0.0,0.05947795712052033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648348303846246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052830168288852966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034677355188944,0.0,0.11223911532035373,0.0,0.06523814621289574,0.0,0.08535668593482973,0.6932969903443932,0.04958711656439202,0.0,0.0733328548576578,0.0,0.0435228482160484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101350538515477,0.0,0.0,0.07770227241204851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804853192306937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716919471630191,0.0,0.0,0.053021705113880616,0.0,0.0,0.048065341737721694
ptsd,Princess-Nik,2020/01/14,I’m suffocating I’m so depressed and anxious and I can’t look forwards because it makes me crack and thinking back makes me terrified and I’m stagnating and I feel like I’m suffocating and I don’t know how I’m ever going to move forwards. I can’t see it happening.,1.319702380952382,3.603558232142859,4.064285714285717,82.54738095238098,82.75,7.3047619047619055,28.97619047619048,8.344100000000001,2.449997619047619,215,11,43,5,6,76,31,56,0.198,0.755,0.047,-0.8404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,13,17,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,17,0,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,5,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34259688439458125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23318781515796935,0.0,0.18486415960054745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26119693917681136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743155546858517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533371011549417,0.2166486276510788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234934676184727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681713498818578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666634750909932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815725996950774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254661578936111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048561053029729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223168260693127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165853633800666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431642481016426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Vast-Macaroon,2020/01/14,"unwanted sexual arousal and masturbation (CW: sexual assault) Hello, I had a therapy session yesterday and when my therapist asked me about trauma that happened, I felt my whole body sort of stiffen and become tense, I started to cry and I instantly became aroused. I felt super uncomfortable and adjusted my sitting to try to stop the feeling, which kind of helped but I still felt very strange. I noticed this happened to me twice during that session when I thought about what happened. 

Last night, I also noticed this when I was trying to masturbate to help myself fall asleep.  I masturbate a lot because my sex drive is insatiably high lately or I'm just using it as a stress reliever, but when I masturbate a certain way I feel absolutely awful. Even doing it by touching different parts, which feels way more pleasurable for me, usually still makes me feel guilty, because I don't like ""normal"" pleasure as much as I should. 

Anyway I'm at home now and thoughts came back, and I became very sexually aroused. I hate it because what happened was not arousing at all, and I was too young to know anything about sex/masturbation when it happened. The worst part is I actually enjoy the feelings of arousal as much as I'm uncomfortable and don't want them to happen. And I hate the idea that what happened was arousing, because it wasn't at all. My usual sexual fantasies are similar in that I'm almost always being used by someone, but they're more gentle and about care/love, and not about being humiliated or hurt. 

I sort of want to masturbate and kill the urge, but I'm afraid I'll feel incredibly badly afterwards, so I think I'm going to try to ignore it. Is that the right thing to do or should I satisfy that urge? I really don't know what to do. My next therapy session is in 2 weeks and I don't know if I'll bring this up, I feel very embarrassed about it. I don't have anyone I can tell this to(at least not for 2 weeks), so I wanted to post here & see if someone had suggestions to stop feeling like this. Thank you",6.9107114624505925,6.820779644501277,7.30606951871658,74.33685828877009,64.57544757033249,10.587351778656128,35.16403162055336,10.230975488527342,3.5509989769820964,1615,68,297,34,22,529,187,391,0.195,0.7140000000000001,0.091,-0.9923,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,1,1,1,23,22,4,3,10,1,26,9,8,3,3,67,71,36,1,9,13,0,12,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,25,15,0,3,19,1,0,5,9,12,0,1,13,13,42,10,40,54,12,40,0,1,1,7,8,8,0,9,25,199,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.07456337889050105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651177280428954,0.0,0.0,0.061103608054462966,0.06357774137714456,0.08278825022979093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053426388375334866,0.0,0.06287743626484144,0.0,0.0714313504534052,0.0,0.0,0.05875318759558769,0.06379765346444967,0.18631091236656205,0.08438685121622046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084872282593005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739062273445784,0.07790324984268518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393081726498089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798303038874326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046689392435523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090742443267668,0.05458603166759607,0.22009155644584272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04342453955158874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729726178740523,0.0,0.0,0.1508745526809321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242960853701913,0.08072945591742624,0.07664365218568175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179655589529257,0.08625555470804985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453434988241887,0.07956737984129515,0.1259758415428384,0.06228287915030657,0.08619177505501406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465837168841669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649595172582588,0.0,0.0,0.05100306525015195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233763382397728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126098503191974,0.07170391746041938,0.07486381069966108,0.0,0.17398247890724666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654852642589387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317793217118619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894904795773255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525218330503142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088744092363357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948083582821646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408211556686726,0.0,0.122039370686126,0.12776134913451334,0.08752533225069056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667841325729499,0.07034640263018252,0.17475886610439872,0.08871580663192319,0.0507622113562151,0.04895928782574433,0.0,0.12131914810977068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562845191375593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319843003222369,0.16830566968325664,0.18913429552293048,0.13520260392473074,0.12129854157000505,0.12258009456534685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530702398117064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pastelnnekooo,2020/01/14,"Dealing with dissociation I was diagnosed with C-PTSD in 2018 along with major depression. As of late, I have been struggling with dissociation (things, people, and my current situation doesn’t feel real). I have tried several common grounding techniques but it doesn’t relieve it. My therapist has recommended that I go through EMDR but the way she explained it. It feels very daunting. She stated that each session was 2 hours long and someone would need to drive me home afterwards. Can anyone suggest another type of technique that may work?",6.592021276595747,9.328939638297877,6.441436170212767,69.80875,67.51063829787232,8.955319148936171,36.21808510638297,9.516144504307137,4.060451063829788,442,23,65,10,8,139,73,94,0.046,0.894,0.059000000000000004,0.29600000000000004,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,11,1,0,0,0,17,16,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,8,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,2,9,1,11,11,2,12,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,6,45,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135957245147495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760790629856976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176375995797628,0.1818224339542525,0.21426478241804287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347972174059895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997452120773774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175320612589268,0.0,0.20789362212263346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381330245766996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681923392557284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652996665388372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635202203196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24676774285224304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402810727085503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384859469719873,0.0,0.0,0.2372882637035049,0.0,0.0,0.17886662063063394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069036251316912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24510648896066,0.14024724420330847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332486651909845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418182425299636,0.0,0.16756348597282705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368526948875438,0.0,0.0,0.14996129116573886,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FlamingImbecile,2020/01/14,"My Girlfriend has PTSD Hey there reddit, my girlfriend and I have been going out for a while now and I felt it was time i learned how best to support her. She has PTSD from her childhood abuse (not going to go into it further to respect her privacy), and I know very well that i'm not qualified to help her with that right now. She's already seeing a psychologist and starting to face the abuse, but often times she's still affected and has episodes when i'm around. I can usually tell when she's feeling bad and try to talk her through it, but i'm not arrogant enough to believe i'm doing it flawlessly. Does anyone have any suggestions or tips on how to help someone through their PTSD episodes or traumatic moments? anything helps, and thanks for your time.",6.109587087087085,6.5153043581081125,5.8125225225225226,82.67902402402405,66.22972972972973,9.010210210210207,34.687687687687685,8.841846274778883,2.8101867867867862,607,27,118,9,9,188,89,148,0.132,0.727,0.141,-0.1475,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,1,1,1,11,7,0,0,3,0,9,1,1,3,0,26,23,16,0,0,7,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,3,3,18,6,18,20,2,22,0,0,1,0,20,6,0,3,13,81,24,2,0.0,0.3424863799063103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594913067987049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982846522975702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105801278166453,0.0,0.11893502351478788,0.12866142075450818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067564878158672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283465088849008,0.15167423202071634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647827121979793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933705585466994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307818730471581,0.0,0.13877047155164987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464174244127828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29062415606406106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794293393954769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.506839877414604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342694640230865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517087286297105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245892301555457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229834530119823,0.0,0.11542101813079475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400975671655327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616690739313845,0.12632468576680667,0.13306285287715833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528280052575407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812568009277264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917823602998274,0.11925153240835253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994889675028928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,HereComesNancyDrew,2020/01/14,"Recovering lost memories Due to being abused for so long at such a young age, I don't remember hardly anything about my childhood. Years 12 and under are a mere void. But lately it seems like I'm recovering little tid-bits of memory - mostly traumatic experiences that I'd blocked off. 

Is this normal, or even good? What are some practical or creative ways to cope with these sudden memories, especially since it usually happens at work where I'm exposed to all sorts of different people?",8.321011235955055,8.566891438202248,8.720539325842697,64.24440449438204,61.58426966292135,12.513258426966292,36.90112359550562,11.979248473330829,4.872845393258427,394,17,63,12,5,131,75,89,0.138,0.774,0.08800000000000001,-0.5803,1,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,13,10,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,2,12,8,3,16,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,6,10,38,8,1,0.0,0.2678961111789738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606421832779232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468468638150569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23623041863732586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493394725878372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117296914599915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896451973199776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999429040343389,0.0,0.2025446546873887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550550118542837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110462929112764,0.2266154756723952,0.0,0.20009480838785546,0.0,0.0,0.2468190815798701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22153378455509745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675195315984886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561316064896396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058364698495294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870354563657643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490214672386479,0.0,0.0,0.17947072640224734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164606309019763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560347809044005
ptsd,ComradeALat,2020/01/14,"Is this enough for PTSD. Can you develop PTSD just by going through extreme relationship problems while being borderline and psychotic mixed manic?

It's just that I feel like from that moment my life is centered on this brutal moment which I can barely even remember. But it wasn't a one day breakup, it was a miserable, lengthy torture. With everything being hopeful one day, and a very brutally put goodbye the next for about a month. Also the reasons behind the breakup cut me deeply. Feels like almost everything that caan lead to my suicide was in that month. 

Note that I have BPD with severe abandonment issues and Bipolar that were mixing during this period.

During my hospitalization my psychological evaluation stated traumatic and posttraumatic signs. My therapist also says that this moment could have hit me hard enough to cause long term problems.

I am having flashbacks and extreme irritability and anger when something reminds me of the details of this period and I am becoming more sensitive to abandonment. Also all my psychoses most often are associated with this event.

The event was 6 months ago and it is starting to come out stronger now.",7.018712686567162,9.517318218905473,6.7451958955223885,69.0780923507463,65.81592039800995,9.602114427860698,33.95553482587064,9.978442167317967,3.952962437810946,946,43,139,23,16,297,127,201,0.213,0.74,0.047,-0.9898,0,0,1,0,1,1,16.0,0,1,0,1,10,13,5,1,9,0,19,2,0,3,1,33,26,14,1,4,3,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,18,13,0,2,4,0,0,4,1,10,0,2,5,4,15,3,19,17,6,29,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,4,22,106,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496723606896014,0.0,0.12987130956192205,0.0,0.0,0.3111523353650464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323849096126545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163346943035005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332330055781901,0.0,0.1117211899035473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355130395948267,0.0,0.0,0.16728573713309505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680202442113808,0.0,0.0856626550824237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331239065864039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311558842233762,0.18530898335325996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370894193124919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618169391263462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288168963062332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536840687267976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916077677575041,0.12672534102349026,0.0,0.0,0.114776436917111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105651340828265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379326364503672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577005575844773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482021569863936,0.3032141999034428,0.13037980042863587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334857556420465,0.0,0.13924443065904396,0.1469197197648067,0.0,0.0,0.10313906782206604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465189995327396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984593285471907,0.0,0.0,0.09179914299612836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186582742941156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058647269357436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701237096093637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,atomizedshucks,2020/01/14,"To those of you whose partner also has PTSD, what are some challenges you've faced? Dating someone with a mental ailment, and being a person with something like ptsd and dating a NORMAL Person^(TM) is already challenging. What are somethings you guys have run into with your spouse/SO/veryclose friends who also have PTSD",9.93940476190476,10.123466035714287,7.704285714285718,73.07404761904766,58.28571428571429,8.895238095238097,38.30952380952381,7.793537801064563,3.265888095238095,262,11,38,2,3,76,42,56,0.0,0.8440000000000001,0.156,0.7579,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,0,7,1,1,0,0,8,7,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,6,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,3,29,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640419553883009,0.31364650173185377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150845234540158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417249496840847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580586912395124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762538833398624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921390002971306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34245861089108803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6877006536621924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661571734137161,0.30193886395191905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dogwhore12,2020/01/14,"Having a hard time opening up to loved ones TW for all of this (rape, assault)

I’m 20 years old, female. When I was freshly 16, I was raped during a party in a small apartment, with the door open, and nobody helped me. I began acting out and getting in a lot of trouble after this, ultimately landing myself in acute inpatient for suicidal thoughts. I wrote my parents a letter telling them what happened to me, and social workers had to come in the hospital and report it with me. They never, ever contacted me or my parents EVER again. That alone is its own damage. 
2 years later, freshly 18 now, I began working as a houseman in a hotel. This means I cleaned everything except for inside the actual rooms. Well, there was a man that would stay Monday-Thursday for his construction job. He took an interest in me quickly, asking my age, where I go to school, then progressing into telling me I have “beautiful bedroom eyes” and “pure ness in my smile” I knew he was up to something. He then began asking me which car is mine, when do I get off work, will my parents be waiting on me to come home from work tonight, etc. I began to be paranoid even when I left work, getting trapped in moments of my 16 year old self, thinking nobody cares what would happen to me, because after all, the police don’t care about me.  At one point he entered the lady’s restroom where I was cleaning, had me in a corner, touched my arm and asked how I like the new job. :( 
One day, and this is so hard for me to tell because it became a repressed memory until my second hospitalization in October 2019, I was vacuuming the second floor hallway. Humming to myself probably, at the very start of this floor, the door to my left opened quickly. An arm, with orange hair and freckles, oh my god this is it, an arm grabs me. It was the man. He held me just inside the room, my left foot in the doorway. He told me to look in his eyes, gripped my arm tighter, and held me there. I was thinking to myself that this is it, he has me. He could’ve done whatever he wanted. It felt like my eyes were looking into his for years, and his eyes, they were like... glass. Empty, yet fiery.  My mind made me see myself, naked, beaten, raped, and left all alone in the woods to rot. He let me go and I finished my shift. I was in a state of denial, showing up to my following shift in the morning. When I got to the second floor again, I actually passed out, and I’ve never passed out! I completely fell to the ground, it felt like I swallowed a rock. 
Long story, but my entire 2018 consisted of horrible paranoid thoughts and migraines, but I had forgotten this incident for a long time, so my therapist and I had a hard time getting it under control. Now that I remember, my life is bad. I have also borderline personality disorder that causes me MUCH distress on a daily basis, but now I’m miserable. I have flashbacks during the day time, I can’t even take the trash out alone. I’ve lost all my friends. My relationships are shallow and meaningless, except for my boyfriend. I never feel safe. I have gotten to the point of accusing my father of trying to rape me (absolutely delusional, he’s never touched me) and had similar accusations to my friends and even my boyfriend at some points. Sometimes, when the flashbacks are bad and I can’t afford to buy my medical marijuana, I get stuck in loops of seeing my dead and raped body again. It’s horrible. I’m scared to tell my family what happened because it seems like... nothing happened. Nothing happened but I spend everyday asking myself if this existence is even fucking worth it.

TLDR; I already told my family about a trauma, and now I feel this new trauma is not enough to trouble them over. Or trouble myself over anymore.",4.693670978764949,5.87550767634855,5.5089480107395685,80.816006834269,69.74688796680498,8.104889756732568,30.220730615897807,8.435331408891425,2.2798563664469937,2922,116,547,44,51,954,319,723,0.16399999999999998,0.7909999999999999,0.045,-0.9982,7,4,1,0,0,0,112.0,0,0,4,9,33,34,8,4,39,0,43,22,11,4,11,85,103,41,2,4,11,4,12,5,2,3,3,0,9,4,31,35,1,6,12,3,3,12,8,21,1,6,37,20,101,13,86,60,10,123,0,3,8,7,46,56,1,6,58,382,132,10,0.0,0.0,0.1193648330958896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19002701284010692,0.06749053932920225,0.04890887514424856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065334981837366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22870184671233895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213051461732472,0.11184597899880068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793392411212082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471146765968424,0.06282719775127245,0.0,0.10536622304085652,0.06412410682237908,0.0,0.06859508198457108,0.048830529815275206,0.0,0.0,0.07888506336862837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009357697342497,0.0,0.0,0.06258694845987589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319365389730894,0.06820851432557726,0.1615799192521853,0.1106437355037108,0.0,0.0,0.05496581615077953,0.0,0.11531063033105067,0.0,0.06184771287403835,0.0,0.1174445699389632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945026702117623,0.056540561949838336,0.15976541307879313,0.0,0.06951620209504182,0.0,0.048914484226516834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27041375706876497,0.0,0.16435950446775308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04099362619099396,0.0,0.061347519969811824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138185255584905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657979740262804,0.06253927861383747,0.04319845007981643,0.14939612797197874,0.0,0.0,0.10824768034142758,0.10271640780644986,0.0,0.06676233446605531,0.05199524250978803,0.055198436026392114,0.0578701777373206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662014158977643,0.0,0.0616113148590142,0.0,0.0,0.06175321227142391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449589433556855,0.0,0.18867853790009295,0.11813559516172124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736752777897586,0.0,0.1283522828354029,0.0,0.12432887786285796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037296826599204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053401728856088085,0.0,0.0,0.1734452293791887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593980667874354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566193821729095,0.06928128842524632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123088453639621,0.0618962299971197,0.09747169899795463,0.05567690778785867,0.063802233907573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062343955850857176,0.0,0.047083229421273284,0.06048787041143765,0.0,0.043288694759875734,0.06518741643419726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689808096256422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598399892137439,0.0,0.21382284324133485,0.0,0.0,0.07101037807807672,0.0,0.07837650743263308,0.0,0.0971069181744332,0.14264934998531514,0.0,0.0,0.11688019821921755,0.06794996176791887,0.041522984571594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050462626456697295,0.03607319592125114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498933642810341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809808524782308,0.0,0.0,0.08689127756601185,0.0,0.0,0.1575377080487074
ptsd,a-palegal,2020/01/14,Anyone here struggle with ptsd from a physical illness? Had a horrible set of migraines included with painful eyes which would burn when I looked at any light. These migraines lasted for a month. Every Time my eyes go a little sore or dry I freak out and can’t function. Anyone relate with some sort of physical illness they went through?,4.475860215053763,7.226222499999999,4.046451612903226,84.4563440860215,74.0,6.713978494623658,29.68817204301075,7.793537801064563,2.1853139784946247,273,12,46,4,6,82,50,62,0.29,0.71,0.0,-0.9556,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,3,8,2,0,0,9,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,10,3,1,10,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,3,4,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983206098761791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078334970765296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457135903535407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574189611924622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377200217373405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29229313033974696,0.0,0.0,0.2448984794814185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23277887703876696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103183386494872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34090366179147963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30487839226165125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700536927666134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703469436068674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716789275002265,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lavenderlemons,2020/01/14,"I can't focus. At all. Basically the title.

I was diagnosed with PTSD last year and it makes a LOT of sense. Same doc ruled out ADHD. I tried a few anti-anxiety medications, and it helped with the anxiety, but not my ability to focus and concentrate.

Welp, I last month I went through and am still going through major trauma once again and I am basically out of work since I can't get my mind to settle. It just will not stay put. Like an octopus flailing and grabbing at everything around it.

I'm exhausted. If anyone knows anything I can do from home or any supplements to try for concentration/focus I'm all ears. I already use CBD and am super intolerant if not flat out allergic to THC. Sigh, lol.

I see the doc that diagnosed me in 2 weeks so I can make medication changes then. There's a crisis center near me that might help with therapy, too.

I just... need to focus and get back to work ASAP. The fear of losing my home isn't helping my case here.",1.7904450261780127,4.1279025340314215,3.88842670157068,84.1941060209424,81.25130890052355,7.589633507853402,23.16256544502618,8.548686976883017,1.7256867015706812,748,26,151,18,20,255,122,191,0.147,0.772,0.081,-0.9187,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,4,10,7,0,1,8,1,12,7,1,3,2,35,24,14,0,3,9,0,1,1,0,2,6,1,2,0,6,15,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,4,1,0,2,3,18,2,24,20,6,22,0,1,1,0,3,9,0,5,10,98,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400476690285729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505928478699568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280108106506388,0.0,0.20879115626509495,0.0,0.0,0.0954197081354213,0.0,0.11229931124194427,0.12148304601247073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493338933958013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436218881209084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27701880630532744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264620896370305,0.0,0.0,0.15356139792614928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259496981820838,0.0,0.07755637272012557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27440943459524725,0.0,0.27377163773873225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499775795987991,0.22247486049795032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667005063422339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526697600668287,0.0,0.11601791485240118,0.0,0.0,0.18218328987508856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749488582503288,0.0,0.1447681139215318,0.13779104736014286,0.0,0.1089252975361279,0.0,0.0,0.1011872880464096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533108679313594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952062860758753,0.13718531472952733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874517291399087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288550327658944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454538485494516,0.1089813618889192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560599593651119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853019567141317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786220066692556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946422921634018,0.0,0.0,0.1265046968392094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869672197189892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787917661407538
ptsd,gremlinsanddragons,2020/01/14,"Sleep Apnea and C-PTSD Does anyone have any success curing symptoms of sleep apnea? 

Basically I have night terrors, I sometimes can't breathe at night, snore and I feel exhausted every second of every day despite ""sleeping"". 
I practice good sleep hygiene, and still not seeing any results. It's frustrating to deal with :(",3.769642857142859,7.0617552500000045,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,85.78571428571428,4.942857142857143,30.214285714285715,6.6274283507984215,2.240757142857143,258,13,36,3,8,80,43,56,0.231,0.71,0.06,-0.8627,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,0,0,3,7,5,1,0,7,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,4,2,5,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23811283069560685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241590586829525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290833355308795,0.18049374570538249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320855534215144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950150192458129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852274304510017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684387810180613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32859043170041685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465229497415188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395114186702162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7008022857854761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315279614889942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981443036336585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196906095388676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Dyabroski,2020/01/14,Input I want people's input on this. I was thinking of creating a tshirt company that is for veterans and first responders. I was think of making ptsd and self medicating type shirts to bring awareness to those affected by it and to make people talk about it to ultimately better themselves through the brotherhood that all of us vets have.,9.946397849462365,9.037210306451618,9.408709677419354,64.41639784946238,58.838709677419345,13.427956989247313,40.021505376344095,12.45797560212912,5.214176344086022,277,12,45,8,3,89,48,62,0.026000000000000002,0.8690000000000001,0.105,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,3,1,10,10,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,1,12,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475585285535339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23809214954845406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736855257185596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819808795621078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881100800201153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32720097438712736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29200821434267044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498185512432334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587113268631445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33669846272762605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650987572293696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kanijn,2020/01/14,"He dosent believe me When we were drunk my bf told me he didnt believe me about my trauma. The worst part is he has ptsd too and he wasnt even being mean he just said he thought it was like ""false memories""

I feel like such shit. I don't know if he even remembers saying that but I know even if he takes it back and says he was just drunk that he _did_ mean it. Ever since then I just cannot stop thinking about it and I just don't know what to do. I know if I confront him he'll just feel terrible, and I know he wont convince me he thinks otherwise. I know he meant it.  I can't even bring myself to be mad because I told him to be honest and he was and he obviously tried really hard to be nice about it

I intended to never tell him. Were gonna get married and have kids. And I meant to never ever tell him. It slipped out like a month or two ago and I cannot express how much I regret it. I don't know what to do",-0.527152993348114,1.3022911073170782,1.7436031042128592,99.1585088691796,86.70731707317074,5.093126385809314,17.123059866962308,6.351523495107088,-0.5151951219512201,707,16,180,7,22,238,99,205,0.14400000000000002,0.772,0.083,-0.8926,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,19,13,3,0,2,0,24,3,1,2,5,47,48,17,0,4,10,0,3,3,1,3,0,3,0,1,12,11,2,1,17,2,0,1,11,7,0,1,14,6,28,6,11,27,3,12,0,1,0,0,31,1,1,4,13,114,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911034628189074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946473006230976,0.0,0.07503348181506099,0.0,0.0,0.27735671466247475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251946303680137,0.22268081848406354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447428009782185,0.0879343021288752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430855355319592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026293479666202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735227530391735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040416967321785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681584743898687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824790227635946,0.0,0.09048405912042737,0.0,0.18986656162092427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329262799168345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388362928550624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788535132622806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943504295050588,0.0,0.11708515493058474,0.1957695042526184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634836539728014,0.10181990910474653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290732566529663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254707887766966,0.0,0.21516918932104004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774001795551887,0.0,0.09771835667470996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352322803053052,0.0,0.08356887218430534,0.0,0.1202393782210384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bigtiddytrashgothgf,2020/01/14,"Compromised safety because of him. The man who took advantage of me lives within walking distance of my house. I forgot about this until just now, and the incident occurred over four years ago. I'm back to feeling like my safety has been compromised entirely. He knows me, he's recognized me in public before since it happened. He frequents the few neighborhoods that I also frequent. What can I do? It just suddenly hit me again that he lives so close to me and has multiple homes addressed to him, the closest one being UP THE BLOCK from me.",5.121509900990097,7.121543465346536,5.456522277227721,78.4285457920792,69.79207920792079,8.614356435643566,31.43688118811881,9.188382445141503,3.0365930693069307,434,19,73,9,8,138,72,101,0.035,0.855,0.11,0.7155,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,13,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,13,2,13,8,1,17,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,10,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24170657282015054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805506559265914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966732706707888,0.0,0.16621783684405342,0.0,0.23202311383335444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787075502890905,0.19479636464529956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411222476938153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735114527069096,0.0,0.0,0.3146259631507293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498529643084783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332133785049848,0.0,0.4815473424070142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184769066537782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22555644000052255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029477436686585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755913173251424
ptsd,45days28hours,2020/01/14,I can't read anymore Sho I'm studying physics in college and I lost the ability to read. It goes in my eyes and out my brain. Does anyone else have this issue?,-0.7138235294117656,1.4652246764705907,1.2914117647058845,97.9153529411765,96.35294117647058,3.896470588235295,21.50588235294117,5.6839178017228535,0.04548941176470578,125,5,28,1,5,41,28,34,0.071,0.8590000000000001,0.071,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,3,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,15,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922509099475602,0.20605241869356825,0.3019422662935759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289688157642376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578831008019672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617367266392645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075772875985386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216863216352392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5895346845604249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,brojackdogman,2020/01/14,"First day back at work in a year tomorrow after a workplace accident gave me ptsd TW: fall, death In Oct of 2018 my work partner died in front of me in a tragic accident. We were walking on a large piece of machinery when the grating broke and he fell from in front of me 40' to the ground. I ran for help and was first on scene. 

I took 2 months off after that and tried to cope on my own for a month which failed miserably but after that I started therapy which started helping. I ran out of money about 2 months in as work safe hadn't started sending me cheques yet so I tried to go back to work. I managed to work a couple of days a week for a few weeks until one day I was asked to do a job at heights. I took one look down the ladder I was supposed to go down and instantly had a panic attack. I went home that day and haven't been back to work since

I've spent the last year working with an occupational therapist to do exposure therapy for the crippling fear of heights I developed and a counselor weekly for all the other horrible things I've been feeling

Tomorrow I go back to a work site for the first time since my panic attack and I'm scared. It's not the site of the accident, thankfully I never have to go back there again, but it's the same industry all the same. I'm only going for exposure therapy purposes so I'll be there for 2 hours tomorrow.

 I know I'm going to be safe but I also know I'm going to have an increase in all my symptoms. Conquering my fear of heights has been the most challenging experience of my life. Exposing myself to a fear over and over left me raw and filled with anxiety. 

I just had a few weeks break over Christmas and I finally feel like I'm managing my symptoms. I'm terrified of the flashbacks, anxiety, anger, irritability and all the other things I know that are going to get bad again until I master this fear as well. I'm scared of the looks my coworkers in this macho industry are going to give me and the gossip about me that's going to happen for being gone so long and for needing to do therapy at the workplace. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I'm deeply embarrassed to be doing exposure therapy at work. 

If you read all of this thank you. I'm scared and just needed to write this. Advice or thoughts are always welcome",4.058269230769231,4.866328363247868,5.368023504273506,82.6252403846154,70.92307692307692,9.012393162393165,28.51388888888889,9.271962702966755,2.2952786324786327,1806,65,373,37,32,605,200,468,0.204,0.7240000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9968,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,2,0,16,20,27,3,11,33,0,26,3,0,0,6,50,74,29,2,4,9,0,3,1,1,1,3,0,1,1,18,18,0,2,8,1,3,24,5,19,1,5,19,5,40,8,77,50,13,97,0,4,2,0,14,29,0,3,43,251,58,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060551271446828286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495532167487058,0.05155966561003588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480578293318548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057928710011942074,0.1409877785545422,0.0,0.23823547678285445,0.05173800780086325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685628568041452,0.0,0.15984864226838444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430966459375878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061345053903915,0.0,0.2789104446592285,0.09399377247237747,0.04426765529566043,0.0,0.06787939393554786,0.0,0.15812164522234196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032374043033663764,0.05944226874989875,0.352160157006548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479525536557405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306737940574473,0.0,0.0621557323715536,0.0,0.0610228320733192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149048849845357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621690283840096,0.050509570687179234,0.0,0.0,0.06732492098542983,0.0,0.04376756066664555,0.030272864337929545,0.0,0.0,0.05483688543933077,0.10406962754039166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837910233656545,0.0,0.0,0.09189220690885527,0.04779106275096822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397788492294479,0.04712701177613785,0.0,0.14540464995432667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243351854392951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619815542656343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611268103375048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251582213909023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157698277938867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881027650033972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409769890897813,0.35431066374634546,0.07194589215009324,0.08233330050612016,0.0,0.0,0.04919311832366267,0.03613216485779045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769031381814212,0.08414004404970774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918476267688533,0.19881765376798652,0.0,0.05571378402902703,0.057441977156058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059999179753886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980658080980152
ptsd,LucifersTulip,2020/01/14,"looking for a night owl buddy Hello! So I have recently been transferred to 3rd shift, so I have a lot of time on my hands, at night, to dwell on dumb things. If i’m not working, i’m laying in my bed having trouble falling asleep. Either way, I think it would be cool to find someone else who would be up for chit chat, however shallow or deep, during the night hours. I’ve been diagnosed with depression for about 10 years now, but recent events have caused things to get worse, and the PTSD is overwhelming at times. (just for a tiny background of me).  If you feel like just having a night buddy to talk about whatever with, fill the time, message me!",4.41072048611111,5.500435367187502,4.522291666666668,87.97131944444445,70.328125,7.563888888888887,25.940972222222207,7.793537801064563,1.2730336805555562,509,15,104,6,9,158,88,128,0.096,0.856,0.048,-0.7379,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,7,7,1,2,7,1,12,3,2,1,0,18,18,7,0,4,8,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,4,8,2,21,12,2,23,0,2,1,0,6,7,1,4,14,65,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529343254764153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858696758448533,0.163314866101382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441521570430076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813582423064835,0.11495033759633284,0.0,0.0,0.14706396511383896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406605570642606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845870085195168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786099004433632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351194087352686,0.0,0.0,0.1367954073746007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6039925795849875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880889636983136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177479253074001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633401564474185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932908913404173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379584315879988,0.1031012237401061,0.0,0.0,0.2814744436371713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771864776984754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714052549868395,0.0,0.16397561832148286,0.2286041402673429,0.0,0.0,0.1036173403043894
ptsd,settlefornoth1ng,2020/01/14,"Neighbors calling the cops on me because I can’t control myself 2 cops just came to my apartment because a neighbor made 5 noise complaints against me

I have PTSD and severe anger rage issues like
Screaming and throwing things and I am suicidal and meds do not help me because my trauma is not ending 

I was sexually assaulted and attacked and the guy is still stalking me. Cops lawyers can’t do anything bc his location is unknown 

I have a high paying job. I have USED my resources to fight this and it goes nowhere. Now I’m on the verge of losing everything because I can’t function

Last thing I need is an eviction or an arrest

Fuck everything, want to die",3.4424739583333306,5.817582882812502,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,75.640625,6.1416666666666675,32.541666666666664,7.1686216300943375,2.2257322916666675,531,28,95,6,12,168,85,128,0.335,0.64,0.026000000000000002,-0.9925,3,0,0,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,6,0,7,0,14,1,0,3,0,17,21,8,2,2,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,9,0,0,3,1,17,1,7,18,0,11,0,1,0,1,7,5,1,1,5,62,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405860247614048,0.0,0.0,0.19435414200452672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41656772437351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444582440923326,0.19539442097976986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161057997780276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730401617589284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131273690941638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070783387640849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793799721554708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915757056648925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145098491407352,0.18050089130189576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831163741328435,0.1695314481309152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925666996910702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346335596941963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911252565283437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165208931685002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897637297411404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266750296641058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970176838453144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299955818651096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643232778194156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868702496123868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269958168335481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755013257111746,0.0,0.0,0.10076532882748857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwawayaccount_usu,2020/01/14,"Did I cause my friends PTSD? I feel so guilty about this because a friend of mine told me about how a girl she knew used to make her lift her shirt up in the street and when she told me I told her that was weird and probably a form or sexual harassment. She’s since spoken of it and been sad about it, seeing as trauma now and I feel like I’m to blame. When she told me about it she said it wasn’t bad and she wasn’t traumatised by it at the time but now since I told her what I thought about it she views it as traumatic and I just wish I hadn’t told her what I told her because at least then she’d not live with this trauma. I feel so fucking guilty.",2.418541666666666,2.9281637708333363,3.219055555555556,97.6315,74.4861111111111,7.14888888888889,20.65,7.1686216300943375,0.017679999999999918,509,9,132,5,10,161,77,144,0.19899999999999998,0.738,0.063,-0.9597,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,13,10,2,0,5,0,7,2,1,4,0,21,26,16,0,1,4,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,12,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,16,6,29,3,17,9,2,11,0,1,2,1,25,5,1,1,7,89,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329329268002564,0.15082582630790425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270849980518394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765558750267589,0.0883789706846201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911572072226028,0.11436857702442382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060438814118163486,0.0,0.10923884163685588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257787332880608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338109136241189,0.0,0.14461122391104786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176772343066836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858143543425554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466958954631065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821250150193138,0.0721367218889401,0.0,0.0,0.8274763324042191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106846351096205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226123492017298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IlHereticlI,2020/01/14,"Possible PTSD I apologize in advance if I mess this up as I’ve never really posted anything before.

I’m a former FF/EMT from the northern US, I still hold my EMT but recently decided to make a big decision and move away due to things unrelated. In the time I spent on an engine or on the ambulance, I saw many things I wish I could forget. It started with random thoughts and flashbacks and eventually turned into dreams where I relive those calls. I’ll wake up sweating and my heart racing. I talked to my primary care doc and he seemed to think I may have a case of PTSD. The only thing I have found to work was my girlfriend would comfort, and I never had to talk, she just knew. But with My girlfriend still up north, while I get everything settled here, I am struggling so bad because I don’t have that one thing keeping me grounded. I keep finding myself in a bad spot and haven’t slept right in a while. I’ve also had a few breakdowns and struggles to keep myself together at my new job. 

I guess when it comes down to it I’m just looking for advice because I feel so lost at the moment. Thank you all in advance.",4.505678466076695,5.208484641592925,5.3753805309734535,83.35914749262541,69.84070796460176,8.150560471976402,29.225958702064897,8.238735603445708,1.9470227728613567,883,32,177,12,15,289,142,226,0.121,0.795,0.084,-0.8863,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,4,10,9,0,2,12,0,12,4,4,1,3,42,37,19,0,4,6,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,4,9,1,1,4,4,6,0,1,10,3,30,3,29,24,2,39,0,1,2,0,10,20,0,6,14,122,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727134816951518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597110672333076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875713298114767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275235047957848,0.0,0.2004049058405012,0.14631267304637074,0.0,0.1021187696761768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254254651859348,0.0,0.12235711347982445,0.0,0.0,0.1033770763145168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581737413581982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785629790878087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068012641184459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968599788719503,0.0,0.0,0.13158360946000314,0.0,0.0,0.06269971846238606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322033783890919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422111728516836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909035621403848,0.32000838239453444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007772853777153,0.0,0.13100393552792555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010689997187198,0.12167022997982972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275505119324483,0.0,0.0,0.18511658716139184,0.11590538299696505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132116424661792,0.09127220740594033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529204925155242,0.11493539189917965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805680597398301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688080058005463,0.0,0.1184943512061216,0.0,0.0,0.10248697985748678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925163262443148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494294609027149,0.0,0.19167859053637126,0.0,0.0,0.2509188036406954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291728176278408,0.0,0.11048810912125084,0.0,0.0,0.3189144313204769,0.0768968836150354,0.0,0.09527369398913887,0.06997817855694616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053526632366108,0.0,0.0,0.1443559796571773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800435947591685,0.0,0.0,0.08736793831451294,0.0,0.0,0.08525090842939692,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hiraethVixen,2020/01/14,"Is this related to PTSD? I've been struggling with this and PTSD for nearly two years but I'm not sure if it's related or me overreacting and I'm not sure if anyone here would know what I mean or relate but I thought I'd ask and see n' give it a try-

I have nightmares quite often, and it feels as if I am asleep yet half asleep at the same time. I barely know how to describe it. I'm having nightmares but if someone comes into my room to wake me I know, but I always wake up scared and confused still like I don't know where I'm at even though I'm in my room and soon come to realize that and who woke me later. However, regardless I always wake up from nightmares with panic attacks thinking I'm being hurt or someone like my abuser is breaking into my house to hurt me again. Every time someone wakes me up I wake up with a panic attack thinking I'm being hurt again or my abuser is in my house and room, even if I hear the people living in my house's voice my brain still tells my otherwise and I shut down and cower and panic.

Is this related or me overreacting to these situations?",3.891542940320232,4.342701065502183,5.204174672489085,84.94282678311501,71.09606986899564,7.853391557496361,25.747016011644828,7.793537801064563,1.2687220378457065,860,24,183,10,15,288,110,229,0.23399999999999999,0.74,0.026000000000000002,-0.9952,2,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,13,15,2,6,4,0,12,8,8,1,2,52,35,28,0,7,16,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,11,18,0,0,10,0,0,2,3,11,0,2,3,4,27,4,25,29,1,31,0,3,1,0,5,18,0,12,12,122,38,0,0.0,0.23960206497483516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826635215005892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069977075107027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452594972387472,0.23005869912483914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287428706852963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419784658375853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356687357956312,0.0,0.08519111173037315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112519974551278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699571950018653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396042652658325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500085687026065,0.3247270455227385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22227375866975474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879630503820618,0.0,0.08928363401766108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014046882504457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558989824311686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009823976288876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363887312800628,0.0,0.0,0.10754492027548024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123062137781147,0.0,0.08057306971001571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113653978749781,0.0,0.0,0.2570152790059663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149614062434586,0.0,0.0,0.10570408068177332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059348248245592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837623141482001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957680766659516,0.09934189929401588,0.08027153079128725,0.11791828949956455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864832284343697,0.0,0.09877160525043148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182697169016733,0.0,0.0,0.06511272945406935
ptsd,pumpkinworms,2020/01/14,Hows PTSD work? Is there a difference between trauma and PTSD? I'm not sure why it is easier to talk or hint about it on the internet and not in the real world. Somethings happened over New Years and I'm still thinking of them at night and in my dreams. I don't fully remember everything and what I do I don't want family or friends to know about. Do things like process when asleep and then go away on their own? Sorry I'm kinda being vague as its on the forum yknow,2.4776530612244905,3.9833452857142895,3.756887755102042,89.94614795918369,75.73469387755101,7.348979591836735,22.45408163265306,8.07648339933343,0.978608163265306,370,10,81,6,8,121,70,98,0.085,0.7979999999999999,0.11800000000000001,0.7379,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,7,1,1,1,1,18,15,12,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,15,14,1,16,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,3,7,53,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698873725976832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219057043750976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884348826449721,0.0,0.19765507560685186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198794831082827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915839972038328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540754289560774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522731798410825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243254376425304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20249737536351645,0.0,0.19675796557648068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901782319259282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23864657111214485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375114638176551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141164512515116,0.0,0.23470467019857336,0.0,0.0,0.16744007264101654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760835415874814,0.0,0.0,0.1685221264496864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392932183952923,0.13434593547813212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366683360806685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919155714066505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263983209540605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501846059596373
ptsd,Emma-Turpin,2020/01/14,"Is this linked to PTSD? Nothing too triggering I think. I’m not too sure. 

Bit of background: my dad was abusive to my siblings and I and after he left they diagnosed me with possible ptsd (I was 6 at this diagnoses so it was hard for them to know) and more recently (last three years, I’m 16 now)they have come to the conclusion that I have ptsd and severe social anxiety but I am not on medications because my mom is against modern medicine. 

Anyways, I’ve been getting really weird/scary thoughts lately. For example, I’ll be thinking about myself back in grade five and I’ll just be overcome with the worst feeling of dread and I’ll feel so guilty. I sometimes vomit. 
Afterwards I’ll be in a bad mood and I’ll become rude and mean to people around me. I’m just really confused what this is. Is this normal? 

I’m not able to afford therapy lately because it’s gotten to be too much money for my mom and I, even if we split the bill. So I don’t really have anybody to talk to that isn’t family. So any and all help is appreciated.",2.1166746411483293,4.240216397129188,3.842437799043065,86.12681459330145,78.80861244019137,7.2422009569378,24.804066985645928,8.238735603445708,1.6337232535885169,813,30,165,16,20,272,124,209,0.163,0.792,0.045,-0.9774,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,2,1,14,7,1,2,4,0,19,4,0,1,2,36,33,16,0,2,7,3,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,15,0,0,9,0,2,1,5,5,0,2,6,3,18,1,24,23,5,16,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,9,107,27,1,0.12593569173824692,0.1492132015531146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564058890088971,0.0,0.0963404594786124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210946556417374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683677340038106,0.10515104226407808,0.15353845758160994,0.1390860772600958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748915831997038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848244732427846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556441523776705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317933666531599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872096218127726,0.0,0.12735373937401834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579620112924141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281364350669745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441203956169659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921096267647325,0.10265439717954128,0.2841218913067393,0.0,0.1368294975564662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718088761607272,0.0,0.12686696031954894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949887202000637,0.0,0.0,0.09257722377402064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233902392243402,0.1208386927272366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730795186892082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197357024948304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416362531234648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420328866856225,0.0,0.1243463025964638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422714854947291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837557827151624,0.0,0.0,0.12455361929642582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186928990756052,0.0,0.0,0.10122233865998473,0.0,0.0,0.14401843890705007,0.0,0.0,0.16138901241101986,0.0,0.0999788720868943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109845651558878
ptsd,tokenqueerpeer,2020/01/15,"What’s the difference between obsessively re-running a memory and having a flashback? Today I was talking with my therapist about what I thought had been a really intense panic attack where I was fixated on remembering seeing my friend dead in the hospital and he explained that it may have been a flashback. I always thought flashbacks had to involve complete loss of awareness of what was going on around me or something like that?
I have also had “clips” of memories from a separate experience pop into my head and replay over and over at random times which can be upsetting but aren’t always. Are those also flashbacks? 

I’m so confused and I know this is better sent to my therapist, I’m just trying to get more info from people who have experienced flashbacks",7.239992063492062,8.378495650000005,7.670952380952383,67.77182539682542,63.92857142857143,10.222222222222225,36.26984126984127,10.25414643259724,4.151960317460318,621,29,94,14,9,204,95,140,0.11900000000000001,0.816,0.065,-0.7616,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,1,4,7,0,18,1,1,0,0,20,28,10,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,11,2,11,3,19,15,1,13,0,1,1,0,7,9,0,4,3,78,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961420440859899,0.30813306921280603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483013886387032,0.0,0.21064429148979247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375746567087454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941349500838073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345100989910616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112034212395414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430528398248519,0.0,0.09673756728989123,0.0,0.10522972632678383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19002582938782997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175815691793688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904589904913334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724336522616752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836544851992568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861714536845012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20974825438789704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754718901556588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425439019182304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882322427895658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299661043795961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939900085439743,0.10796729112966716,0.0,0.1755084141753615,0.0,0.0,0.12571032855811756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Stuck_in_a_daydream,2020/01/15,"I have ptsd from my daughter’s accident 4 years ago. Today she fell and broke her arm. She is in surgery now. I am losing it. 4 years ago my daughter fell from a second story window. She suffered a traumatic brain injury among other things as a result. She spent almost a year in the hospital and in rehab. I was the one who found her and took in the ambulance to the hospital. I have ptsd from the trauma of seeing the accident and then watching her almost die more than once. 

Today she was on a field trip with school when she fell from the monkey bars. When the called me the said it seemed like a dislocated elbow. Turns out it is a pretty severe break. And she needs emergency surgery. 

Being in the hospital in this situation is bringing back all the same emotions. I am doing my best to keep it together in front of her. But I am nauseous and sweating. I am shaking. I am having a hard time being able to stand next to her bed.

On top of everything, my husband is not handling this well. He is blaming me for allowing her to go on the field trip and for allowing her to play on the monkey bars. Thankfully, he went home to take care of our other daughter.",2.6041558441558443,4.64703876623377,4.024675324675325,85.79987012987014,76.92207792207795,6.997402597402598,23.98701298701299,7.957251820313856,1.3712129870129872,909,30,179,15,21,300,124,231,0.156,0.755,0.08900000000000001,-0.9406,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,3,5,11,0,1,21,0,18,7,4,3,1,22,33,12,1,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,10,9,2,1,2,3,1,11,1,5,1,2,7,4,29,6,33,24,4,41,0,3,2,0,24,14,0,3,15,132,39,1,0.13968258994329807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24764037603905384,0.0,0.2797438734397995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740728957467983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658826041452785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559319661827826,0.14263154178191156,0.0,0.14241570980380816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496847532427415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712411292359674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553770505564282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531547501149855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938483485132472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251281641324376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401130267353662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415630396893072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824185780614615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562690887237892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103572870531285,0.0,0.0,0.14855401906913038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875739954303988,0.09465253795942012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421074107698831,0.0,0.0,0.3265629454613911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287013002731732,0.0,0.0,0.1413662383201863,0.1113089394189236,0.1271617837731915,0.0,0.1578015675674309,0.0,0.0,0.15700908356736526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502392392455408,0.0,0.0,0.12860096187197276,0.0,0.0,0.09279890602901612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145004149356969,0.0,0.2648055252194022,0.0,0.15519249701602456,0.0,0.15193454699287828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255914235636954,0.12948716029742244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698530247496396
ptsd,Pruts93,2020/01/15,"I feel like there's 2 sides of me that are very slowly coming together Hi everyone, I've never posted here before and I wanted to say beforehand that I'm sorry if I seem scrambled cause I am.
I was diagnosed with C-PTSD about 2 years ago after, what I would call, the last drop happened. 
I then realized all the trauma I've been through right that moment when I was telling my story to the therapist.
My mom is a narcissist (diagnosed when I was 14), my dad never wanted kids and pretty much never cared for my existence till i was 16, but he was always there, I've had an eating disorder since I was around 12 years old, always got bullied, best friend passed away from suicide when I was 19, abusive relationships, forced pregnancy resulting in miscarriage and the list goes on.. 
Since I've had some therapy ive been able to reconcile with my dad and we're getting along pretty well atm. I've made some online friends which have been a massive support and I couldn't be more thankful for them. I've also met a potential someday boyfriend online who I'll hopefully meet soon BUT.. it's taken me alot of courage and meltdowns to tell him I have ptsd in the first place, he was surprisingly understanding and mature about it and he seems to be a legit great guy.

Part of me just feels like it's not true. I just want to be a normal 26 year old girl now that I finally have friends and a chance of a normal life. So 60% of the time I'm all good and fun and I can talk to everyone about normal stuff and I can go to work perfectly fine and I'm happy. But the other 40% I have intrusive thoughts and I feel broken and insane and how could anyone ever love me and accept me the way I am? How could anyone want me with the past I have? I want to stop separating these 2 sides of me so much. I want my friends to know ALL of me. Some do, and they're amazing. But the guy I would potentially date, I find it SO hard to open up to him cause of the abusive relationships in the past.",4.768759305210921,5.007748734491315,5.688363275434245,82.99131414392062,69.09925558312655,9.127900744416877,28.03066997518611,9.065960079200117,2.0081548188585607,1552,48,327,27,25,512,210,403,0.136,0.652,0.212,0.9919,0,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,1,4,22,25,0,0,21,0,34,5,0,6,9,80,64,34,1,16,8,3,4,2,4,2,3,1,0,4,14,25,1,1,12,0,1,3,5,1,1,1,18,5,44,24,40,38,12,45,0,0,0,1,29,12,0,8,29,210,58,1,0.08040130169121798,0.190524790371894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127090281231553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642968919142768,0.13380064764216598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243691913175592,0.0,0.0,0.07157420457102116,0.0,0.0,0.07553966958790644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841558590354235,0.0,0.08437620575881054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209871843116733,0.0,0.08197448554005936,0.16518856878946214,0.0,0.06925860218920007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283877941739508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321125756496285,0.0,0.0,0.09214685738024636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227060383708777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272758044109814,0.0,0.15365377857609572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195994177167965,0.11487741198629164,0.0,0.0880756960181505,0.07348533315338024,0.06838930614552599,0.0,0.0,0.2484713849703313,0.0,0.0420063616923111,0.0,0.04569391259984375,0.06743679724467216,0.06430426576115587,0.0886427189560972,0.0,0.15921985869790142,0.07109860555616758,0.08558868070643152,0.0720237738902482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798566340389252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04418645273380237,0.06553779189713059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678981713348324,0.07856002955942337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256531385272334,0.07607765568237664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416503280740927,0.0,0.0,0.11820841567077173,0.0,0.18603132134187905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363286145340191,0.0,0.0,0.16873528234044974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706677468193602,0.15350428012236886,0.0,0.0,0.08400224772257497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700222204762881,0.16359405721937514,0.0,0.0,0.18796963823388665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264181733836287,0.0,0.06866227233905126,0.0,0.06393834217681017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638865079595184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301757520620416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000267469179694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721908834583129,0.0,0.0,0.0920402545935478,0.08794597439087384,0.0912384443606626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462352075222227,0.14054856301789406,0.07402271634171828,0.09194589552683048,0.09335210819329054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382965263027808,0.04688264558629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370059056475464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633949420074403,0.2845366251802622,0.06381881090994251,0.0,0.0,0.07229042602856392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853310520608824,0.0,0.0,0.11422955579080155,0.0,0.0,0.15532740668676634
ptsd,Endur3r,2020/01/15,"Anyone else in this boat? I have an all or nothing thinking, whatever I’m into I am in 110%. This worked fine for me when I was passionate about work or pursuing something I loved doing, not so much when I hit a downturn and I find myself overcome by anxiety/depression. recently I have been diagnosed with PTSD and my therapist recommended EMDR to me. Ever since then, all I keep doing is reading about EMDR to the point where I know I am obsessing. There is a part of me that fears that I’m putting all my eggs in one basket, wondering what I options I will have if this EMDR thing doesn’t work. Is rumination/constant overthinking part of PTSD, what are some ways to stop being obsessive and will EMDR actually help with this aspect?",5.073873239436622,6.3389145563380325,6.235323943661975,75.65016901408453,68.92957746478874,9.905352112676056,31.10140845070423,10.125756701596842,3.294380845070424,585,24,106,15,10,196,93,142,0.068,0.831,0.102,0.6868,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,8,6,0,3,4,0,17,4,0,0,4,22,25,10,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,6,1,2,4,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,18,3,15,19,7,14,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,6,6,85,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.1605487767530862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503691795662507,0.16857122054416215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170170786896324,0.16698536558171725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743619591981593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488186757337701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513187977335135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036922580695486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027496740769946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623383609969318,0.0,0.0,0.09041644643386687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848663803017387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094187496694385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786234962780935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148369659781067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563204503708254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552553566659102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38463252139645177,0.16538905959550015,0.0,0.0,0.1645655352418325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244465288711216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609348249620926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665631397645954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754693406526405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910215771516372,0.1093004509692384,0.10541842239564714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058912270859152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841602116484706,0.35931977183306796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ABCmommy0813,2020/01/15,"Am I really that unfixable? So let me to start by saying that my childhood was AMAZING; minus the cancer that I had at the age of 8. But when I was 13 things took a turn for the worst; I was raped by my neighbor on the steps to my brothers bedroom in my attic. That started my downhill spiral. 

I have been diagnosised with PTSD from the rape and the cancer, depression, anxiety, PPD, etc. 

I started DBT a few weeks ago; my therapist told me she wasn't comfortable with putting me with the woman she was training; which the way I took it was I was pretty much too fucked up in the head for a newer therapist to take my case. 

I was dating a guy for six weeks; he found out that I still love my ex I will call him B just for the sake of this (not the father to my children), I'm not sure why I love this man; he is addict, and alcoholic, so I am not sure why I love him; besides the fact of I thought that I could be a save a ho and get him clean and sober. He told me for a year and a half that he didn't believe in marriage; it was just a piece of paper and he was never going to propose to me or get married to me. Well on Monday evening is when I found out my ex was engaged to this girl he has been seeing for the last year; which by the way I was still seeing my ex. 

Well the new guy which I'll call J, found out on Tuesday evening while he was at my house how I felt about B; I wasn't going to lie to J about B. As I don't want to be with B, yes I love him; but I don't want to be with him; why would I want to be with someone who can't keep his shit together! Well long story short J blew up on me all day yesterday; and told me that I was so unfixable, he also threw in my face about my parenting and that I suck as a parent due to an indicent that occured a year ago. 

​

But seriously; am I that unfixable because my therapist doesn't feel comfortable giving me to a newer therapist?",7.37816230141692,3.8481469708029215,8.079212823815656,80.19953198797769,65.90997566909975,11.5197366537856,34.638757692858164,9.168548406835145,2.6579871475597527,1459,43,347,19,17,496,182,411,0.10300000000000001,0.816,0.081,-0.7715,2,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,0,20,22,5,0,28,1,38,15,3,1,5,45,73,22,0,5,9,7,2,0,1,2,4,1,3,6,21,17,1,1,6,0,0,7,11,8,3,2,30,5,59,14,55,35,6,54,0,1,2,8,43,16,3,1,29,243,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865928361007333,0.0,0.0,0.1441843382044714,0.08691466246171363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503779553401756,0.0,0.08811861463671711,0.09882215333094567,0.0,0.0,0.06221552837951744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495766592598442,0.0,0.0,0.09162855703632898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608951082892165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493361388044681,0.0,0.0,0.05244968941654543,0.0,0.07004749693647315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070197168310196,0.10743246210153824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112176872075693,0.0,0.0780874217996521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675151359572869,0.0,0.07518622124566422,0.08498081576057928,0.07801701634505911,0.09244090208217444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105457521578798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346576438379136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384133776243424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228786681720407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629299461067918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316316421785523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197252523507844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936059834125385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978527530573158,0.0,0.06272499691217429,0.07854687580482024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806097483121028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827395891717402,0.0,0.0,0.09506782158582257,0.08175688084193826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052100657784762465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646751141691824,0.0,0.0,0.1296154207408255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348179649690637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890876328173035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269266183839274,0.0,0.12989693883068032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330093858489194,0.0,0.061148368488628466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37771127932214027,0.054030562648566316,0.0,0.0,0.06456517217519822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331365343612129,0.1807163099528332,0.0,0.0884612697612346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390769366492662,0.12910841104788592,0.13047247749716595,0.0,0.21937032135462187,0.0,0.2201570126334448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777292083860574,0.0,0.09882215333094567,0.1571172698424008
ptsd,mogsyrocks,2020/01/15,"My parents are making things worse My parents are usually the most supportive people in the world. My mum has been my best friend and has always been so encouraging.

I was diagnosed with ptsd last year, and I’ve made really really good progress. Every day is a little easier. But some days are bad, not just bc of ptsd, I also have ASD and ADHD, and recently moved back into uni. I’m quite isolated and lonely but I’m trying very hard to not let it get to me.

Recently I’ve had a few bad days, and my dad has blamed it on me “not getting over what happened”
My ptsd comes from surgical trauma, I haemorrhaged 5 days after a tonsillectomy, and almost bled out. In the mean time I was choking on blood clots, throwing up blood, it was just scary and messy. But after the second surgery I just felt lucky to be alive, the ptsd symptoms where totally subconscious and out of my control (I wasn’t consciously traumatised by the surgery, but my body was in a constant state of fight or flight, panic attacks etc that I knew was “irrational” but couldn’t control)

so today, I try to express my feelings to my parents about something trivial that was eating away at me, bc they are the only people I can open up too, and my dad kinda went on this rant
“You’re fine, it’s in the past, looking back isn’t helping, the surgery wast that serious , this happened months ago, get on with it,”
 
I’m just utterly devastated. 
I’ve made such good steps, joining a gym, seeing a councillor and therapist, going back to uni, reaching out to people, going outside my comfort zone, taking more time to do things for me, eating well... I’m really trying my best to get my mental health under control

But my mum uses me opening up as an opportunity to air her frustrations with me as a person (which when I’m in a rocky place, isn’t very helpful and is often quite damaging)

And my dad, just didn’t get it. It’s all blown so out of proportion and now unless it’s a hurtful comment, nobody’s talking to me.

Now obviously I’m not blameless, i definitely lean on them too much, and I react to the inappropriate comments they make”
I often get stuck in a rut, but the reason I reach out to my parents is bc I want to get off of it, I want to do better.

I’m just really overwhelmed and don’t know where to go from here. 
Sorry for ranting I just need to get it out",4.825741935483872,5.392463477419355,6.010698924731183,79.57604838709679,69.06451612903226,8.952688172043011,29.478494623655912,9.029198982220553,2.3366430107526885,1827,65,359,32,30,613,228,465,0.161,0.72,0.11800000000000001,-0.9779,4,2,1,0,1,0,55.0,0,0,3,10,27,25,3,2,22,0,31,8,3,10,3,79,71,32,0,4,20,9,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,19,29,2,3,7,1,0,8,10,12,1,1,17,5,44,13,62,51,10,67,0,4,2,0,23,34,0,8,24,243,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879072767682513,0.0,0.06483951502567929,0.0,0.0732451524075424,0.0,0.0,0.05849482923429215,0.06086333104328739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321413393294526,0.06872307418608352,0.16873427534643995,0.12214770825399596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535244270867532,0.06469169225749552,0.0,0.08124871566630514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300880163016817,0.0,0.07904483967936535,0.2461183739249173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886924733915848,0.0,0.0,0.07424164960496876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496932364590388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157712452048893,0.0,0.0,0.061628659193460375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03698481505072845,0.0,0.07023163017768158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651241763297555,0.0,0.30572612526547965,0.0,0.12471167120199644,0.12270278769287694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293655312716867,0.0,0.0655244480578673,0.0,0.0,0.07775077682268676,0.0,0.0,0.09805644299380624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783043051203079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040199128296572864,0.059623752117386464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479674010418193,0.0,0.0,0.0733115074684284,0.0,0.0,0.061424217143386424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842502631757114,0.09765104507654984,0.0,0.0,0.07967743675079382,0.0,0.0,0.07371396319822662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838443880868499,0.07774262138858205,0.05377072579135561,0.05423683167083313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055630828572590205,0.0,0.08582107002339565,0.3248799040256253,0.0,0.06982613299926185,0.15213067797781707,0.06386826523897635,0.07642200096359039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34201503563756025,0.0,0.0,0.15559954800501594,0.0,0.0,0.18743680071505114,0.07520626975638471,0.14444569987115316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05828789121857528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631136387155801,0.0,0.0818809576945851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300521321613644,0.0,0.07602670040291698,0.05499668836141654,0.0587919835372418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492814294519876,0.09718990348950336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530404086337925,0.0,0.06933385462408834,0.0,0.0,0.148983996339108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317465821392591,0.0805599842689339,0.12070621982585092,0.08628681110025023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576703787568514,0.06780707419385602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454202235101125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710362538032408
ptsd,brattynattylite,2020/01/15,"getting fired and having to start a new career i got fired after needing to take 2 mental health days and having a nervous breakdown last week which is the year anniversary of a lot of trauma. I am now realizing that the last 8 years of my life i’ve spent working with animals because i love it and i convinced myself it was healing but i now realize i’ve had to use so much of my energy caring for animals and doing really emotional work i haven’t had any energy left to take care of myself.

I literally don’t have experience doing anything other than being a bar back for a summer but my resume is really impressive for my field. I want to try waitressing but I have no idea how to write a cover letter or change my resume for a completely different line of work. 

any advice?",4.516228739002933,5.6947265935483875,6.501583577712612,73.54692082111438,70.16129032258064,9.765395894428153,27.639296187683293,10.018931242160765,2.893903225806452,622,21,111,16,11,218,96,155,0.069,0.759,0.172,0.953,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,1,9,0,15,5,0,2,0,18,27,10,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,3,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,5,2,16,5,19,21,2,14,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,13,80,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487202904303926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555370016337064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042160601032018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186700889277252,0.0,0.096612433058447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231768838382948,0.0,0.16765862856873556,0.0,0.16617099782933373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221124584319674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558557504534607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827696558356276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503106455038124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280311235665726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675683225876613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846466891832215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891295575333785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583767280687221,0.0,0.0,0.17219699717340894,0.0,0.11194432032133267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474029906041984,0.1430410441198238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971799784286075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650645675986937,0.1175163807230233,0.0,0.15306809482400754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030621420515311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217818008605082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383255647088728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760252455798353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688220639014606,0.0,0.0,0.09347996031712924,0.0,0.1271290127890345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34614209074795305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041213471769081
ptsd,freedomsearcher_,2020/01/15,"A poem I wrote What is ptsd?/
And what is me?/
Seems like I can’t separate these two/
All I do is feel blue/
It feels like I‘ll drown/
I just want to calm down/
But these memories are everywhere/
You tell me I overreact? How do you dare?",-1.03682222222222,0.8641283400000006,0.7366666666666681,99.67611111111113,105.6,5.422222222222223,13.555555555555555,6.937597516519254,-0.23811111111111136,187,4,44,4,9,60,39,50,0.04,0.767,0.193,0.7622,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,1,10,12,3,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,9,3,2,11,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389262293070055,0.27499261742506725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37611272364169257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499601960091831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350423965405024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33644401063139184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760186927520786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270404888095049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,wastedkittycat,2020/01/15,"I accidentally upset someone talking about the trauma I guess he kinda brought it up, at least, the person, the trigger
And me, dying to express what has been so hard to make sense of
And I already felt very emotional 

But he kinda got short and shut down and it felt just like when it was fresh and I went fir support and my family got mad for talking about it because they thought it would just be sdwelling and making it worse.

The urge to Express it comes once in a blue moon
But the time my aunt called me a buzzkill when I was saying how scared of court I was
She said it so callously as if 7hrs s and 9 drinks later she wouldn't cry to us about something seemingly insignificant and I guess emotions are best kept to y ok yourself 

Just wish it actually helped and made me more positive and fun
Instead of numb and different than who I was

So if anyone is willing to hear how I feel or felt or not return to on a trigger
I just wanna vent but not if it upsets someone 
Not every person wants to listen like a therapist
And I regret trying to explain why I seemed so different
Should just chalk it up to my meds
Or blame it on my accident",3.4078065134099664,4.8654630948275885,4.542701149425287,85.45019157088126,73.22413793103449,7.224521072796936,26.68199233716475,7.793537801064563,1.4904963601532568,906,32,183,12,18,297,136,232,0.113,0.782,0.105,-0.4795,2,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,1,17,13,1,3,9,1,13,2,0,7,0,58,38,31,1,10,17,1,5,2,0,4,1,4,0,2,14,14,1,1,8,1,0,3,4,7,0,0,16,10,23,6,27,17,3,17,0,1,1,0,21,9,0,12,7,128,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.11605112120504266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123384093529403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315331688493985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249399971742843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480173646148338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143308091810208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244112946741153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063068750626908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342269020371055,0.2484972223665164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649869138927815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26754341824349337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019726279506776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210946800410213,0.0,0.0601307456881692,0.0,0.3425525006157797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902262363352352,0.0,0.262012892691653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106531124114616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340342034866418,0.0,0.07971118726239096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619896885986394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252726345884563,0.15876326945607674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320959927072756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664848959914474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767692953780406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312244858066994,0.09457187673198,0.11906208249990813,0.0,0.0,0.21652499840786926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152515076465846,0.09155228424612394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495174600294385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117066318877202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807808848582154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441111287657276,0.06934461589565287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074051276797886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430490213948845,0.0,0.0,0.09812344603282708,0.07014352089358426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102422691209124,0.10730898134938853,0.0,0.13675490698854625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119209959337618,0.08447907078606291,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,buddytheblackcat,2020/01/15,A song written about trauma I just stated listening to this band Mono. They’re from Japan and they wrote this song titled ‘Com(?)’. from what I understand it was written to capture the feeling people went through in 9/11. It resonates with me so much in my personal trauma. I recommended it as a listen to anyone surviving with ptsd. It is the sound of what goes on in my head day to day. It’s relieving in a sense... to have a physical manifestation of what’s inside.,3.401333333333333,5.545941300000003,4.793055555555559,80.73625000000003,74.8888888888889,8.055555555555555,26.805555555555557,8.841846274778883,2.2365555555555563,367,14,69,8,8,122,60,90,0.064,0.845,0.091,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,6,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,11,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,10,3,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,6,7,1,19,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390665697859107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409983786228069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728764606014543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350891179463819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513380895924692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703253278074385,0.2985365649152181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996663816785608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559331442001306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169475627847748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,acheacheacheache,2020/01/15,"[Vent? Support?] My ""first"" time Me and my bf are planning on booking a hotel so we can do it for the first time. I trust him with all my heart and I want to do this. 

Im just nervous. 

I blocked out memories and I am worried they will come back. 

Or I will get the other flashbacks I do remember. 

I want to do this. Im just nervous. Anybody will be nervous for their first time no? 

Im also excited. 

I dont know. Its been bugging me lately that. Anything we do I end up feeling. Numb, empty, etc afterwards. 

Or even during.  When that happens. I feel useless? Because when i feel that way I refuse to do anything. 

Last time I forced myself to continue even though I didnt want to. And I stared to cry and it felt like I was supposed to cry. Like it felt so similar to me and how its supposed to be. Like i did it before. And i never did that with my bf before. Minus kissing and crying though. But. Not this

Im sorta feeling that. In supposed to be used? And if im not i feel bad. And if i dun satisfy him i feel bad. I feel like hes gonna abandon me. Even tho he wont logically. 

I dun know why i am making this post. I just dont know what to expect. Im 19 and I feel its ""about time"" so I shouldnt feel scared or nervous. 

I tell him everything i am feeling. Minus the part that. Part of me. Like 5% or 10% doesnt wanna do this. But everything eles he knows. 

Thanks for reading my vent post. If u have any stories u wanna share or tips on not having flashbacks when having sex. Or something...it would be nice",-1.7690626764539843,0.035373465838510754,1.0218441558441569,98.16406493506494,104.71428571428572,3.584054206662904,17.966346696781486,5.565023196281405,-0.4052814906832296,1144,39,264,10,55,391,145,322,0.12,0.726,0.154,0.8493,0,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,2,0,2,4,19,22,0,5,4,0,34,4,1,3,2,69,61,33,0,11,17,0,12,5,2,7,1,0,0,0,20,17,0,3,18,3,0,1,11,10,0,3,7,13,48,12,25,43,4,27,0,2,1,2,15,5,0,10,23,182,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062252926311439666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052937531275962096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812023810307613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985829600586352,0.1299952898501569,0.04745382420067066,0.0,0.13248137821297976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705690633173869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565285004675336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246842306719427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894790543286154,0.0,0.08681818184531008,0.15424842797367316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992482519340882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936096568079988,0.05561275864443118,0.1494875548972581,0.0,0.0,0.19864573430598015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04067100074649912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883841692434005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224715611252893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5045182452298195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112715119534566,0.06345437871283187,0.08781298505923607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190156615101537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196239900997715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060039159977623775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685979320952453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910872087998248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786645113140521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881836462273584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793681068694118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833802046181853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804029772074327,0.07166957171020542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296539116682598,0.0,0.2269613502360132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723341864611065,0.0,0.0,0.13774567504653715,0.061790043259901166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024335194575695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905576723806798,0.0,0.05529912805671923,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,redditanonthrow,2020/01/15,"Could it be PTSD after witnessing my fathers sudden death? A few years ago my dad was at home with me, everything was normal and we were going about our business like a normal Saturday. Suddenly he collapsed and the colour started to drain from him. I panicked and ran to the phone, called emergency services and followed their instructions. They told me to find another person to help while the ambulance was on it’s way. I ran out into the garden and saw a man walking his dog and begged him to help us, he came in and tried to help but it was too late. He suffered a major heart attack and there wasn’t anything we could do.

I remember when I was on the phone and they were asking me questions I was looking at him through the big mirror I was standing near because I couldn’t bare to look at him properly. In the mirror I saw the colour drain from him and I knew the moment he died because I could see it.

The days after it I hid in my room. My mother would come in now and again to bring me food but I couldn’t eat. I had a headache for days from crying. I remember everything clearly, I remember laying in bed with my laptop watching every Woody Allen film I could find because I found them comforting. I remember the cold headache strips I put on my forehead to try and ease the massive headache.

I never got any help from psychiatrists or anything after it. I just went on living like I did before it happened. But it never left me.

These days I have anxiety and ocd problems, I call my mother every day and if I don’t I will think she died. I worry about everything and I think people hate me because I’m weird or quiet. I’m 

I always thought PTSD was something soldiers get when they witness war horrors but it occurred to me for the first time in years that this may be something I have but didn’t realise.",3.313222836095761,5.104188646408844,4.143071823204419,86.85086924493555,74.13812154696133,6.8156169429097595,26.983793738489872,7.554174236665415,1.4921046777163904,1438,54,282,18,30,461,182,362,0.156,0.779,0.065,-0.9893,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,4,0,5,1,9,9,3,0,18,0,29,4,2,0,3,58,56,26,4,11,9,4,0,2,0,3,0,1,4,2,12,23,2,0,12,2,0,10,7,6,0,1,25,10,60,3,40,20,2,56,0,1,8,0,37,19,0,5,27,194,72,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689439622302739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217896510858106,0.0,0.0,0.0589897185434948,0.09095991787157888,0.06635984948178315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276783603729998,0.0,0.08109506315190718,0.09868520119963567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151630353273734,0.0,0.07381378602921945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715311958579752,0.09921341294195722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472331889233662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770359719284021,0.0,0.09528554175851144,0.22377394105321755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005566878439788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887620074859441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617316421441612,0.0,0.23388300860815545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158567103856043,0.0737854327174777,0.10489265425521616,0.09511164719700804,0.0,0.0,0.04532079281165245,0.0,0.049299302826084336,0.0,0.06937807008408974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670850418350507,0.0,0.0,0.08564293758982597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279349346966707,0.2325739474393128,0.0,0.08701252005931208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785237709905477,0.0,0.0942489262730875,0.0,0.0,0.08475865748667348,0.0,0.07659761113476808,0.0,0.1456882608959133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380650979756198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699837793334628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060138207518831324,0.07574257289583733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300345235434703,0.20280102075201994,0.08720289689860193,0.0971744896246762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39306165933378784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912470274632332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356140383479953,0.0,0.0,0.0613987072825216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116565801709173,0.0,0.06886600851761181,0.05058183050086195,0.0,0.0,0.08288876711797444,0.0,0.11778860921309417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434380896129272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885431135220033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041368026459812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809397314549991,0.0,0.06162130951595377,0.0,0.0,0.11172214450096413
ptsd,gmbinooo,2020/01/15,"Taking a big step I have PTSD from childhood trauma. I never told anyone about the abuse until I was 20 years old. When I told my parents my mother didnt believe me. I felt alone for many years as a tried to live my life pretending nothing happened. Finally after 5 years I decided to get some help. Ive been going to therapy for 5 months now. I've never told anyone my story and my therapist really thinks I'd benefit from it. I'm really nervous about doing this. I don't want to spiral down and end up in a dark hole again after finally starting to feel ""normal"".",2.5866086956521737,4.429985095652178,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,76.30434782608695,7.730434782608696,23.67391304347826,8.548686976883017,1.7525826086956529,446,14,84,9,10,155,81,115,0.11599999999999999,0.8170000000000001,0.068,-0.643,1,1,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,7,1,0,0,2,11,20,5,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,7,2,14,1,18,13,1,24,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,18,52,16,0,0.0,0.17917553510340445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566223028873711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21147846546884308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037749480316602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339394463506971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764633228234722,0.0,0.14519861200682166,0.3313166739688464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900822060242818,0.0,0.08594399946656987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372675199658926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013621596494793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681387816729386,0.0,0.0,0.13353343096413733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331724937108646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070543509201112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23326631305992115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481672660960123,0.14510336354448758,0.0,0.1586839930129853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679161903763581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767725892678287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937557424907482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703702006806323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370151589599645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729376528841662,0.17558254656430472,0.0,0.09689813755608298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335026104995517,0.0,0.10267106822068443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919574538248838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921496058859442
ptsd,BohemianDevil,2020/01/15,"Advice on lessening flashbacks? I constantly have flashbacks about what happened, and it constantly keeps me up at night, hindering my performance in school, and other activities I keep myself busy with. Is there anything that can help me fall asleep or lessen the flashbacks? Anything is appreciated, I just want to be able to sleep.",8.363035714285715,10.540097803571435,7.1485714285714295,68.74642857142858,62.03571428571429,10.6,37.214285714285715,10.686352973137794,4.5597285714285745,271,13,40,7,4,82,46,56,0.0,0.867,0.133,0.7691,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,2,0,0,8,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,8,8,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,30,11,1,0.2426747452463537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371389524427815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39940127621880056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5244903756572531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145964757756969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265976637454413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4314009276119486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773380917561856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455997979756283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428500020451211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313585223214426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,K1MB3R22,2020/01/15,"When is the best time to disclose your PTSD diagnosis when dating? I have C-PTSD from incest abuse. It took me a long time to realize how influential my abuse was to forming my personality. 

I have been triggered the most by dating.  There’s no trust and a weird environment for dating.  It’s trying to say the least. So, I am curious on when to disclose this piece of information when I’m starting to date. I have been typically just spilled the beans on the first date. I did want to hide the true me. Plus, i didn’t see it as a deal breaker because I know i have come a long way. But I guess I didn’t realize I was asking more than I knew when I was just informing. 

My diagnosis has become my scarlet letter. The moment i mentioned PTSD or Anxiety guys run. And I don’t get it. I know I’m pretty, smart (in graduate school), I am stable with a full time job and live on my own. I have an awesome dog. But i think i lose guys once they hear about my anxiety.......
maybe I’m overthinking it or maybe I need to wait until the 4 or 5th [PSTD ](pstd.com)date. I don’t know. But some guidance would be nice.",1.2184859561369734,3.328602022123897,3.3837668333974618,88.30399961523662,81.87610619469027,6.762293189688343,22.215467487495193,7.893859768569023,1.0390279338207002,851,28,187,16,23,290,127,226,0.083,0.7709999999999999,0.145,0.9284,1,0,0,0,2,0,38.0,0,1,1,3,11,7,0,0,14,0,21,1,0,2,1,33,40,19,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,6,6,0,1,9,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,10,3,32,5,22,28,9,28,0,1,1,1,13,5,0,6,19,125,38,3,0.0,0.3088862008262321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994343543631377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185939003808526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945997798696977,0.14396102203263136,0.0,0.0,0.1367939866833002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228473976010864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343848352092941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087540320186004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810234746010581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359490969413125,0.2581334279559421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469136052647556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935198142718388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491038756096975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510118875883465,0.2307107964202077,0.0,0.145827991828566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619076230452475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665266394554757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881819509003626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381634558582715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261252436915533,0.0,0.0,0.4571155331918812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365932729054443,0.0,0.13192087325107024,0.10387184849282426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226220102399743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352283574753339,0.0,0.0,0.22802390573265965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482333244234474,0.08849890187060347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688364068554489,0.10346553855139597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259669946734096,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,iGetHighPlayRS,2020/01/15,"10: I am but a shell (a PTSD poem) I am but a shell 
Quiet, place your ear
No sounds of ocean 
No, not here 
Just a distant emotion 
Encapsulated fear
All you’ll hear here",-1.6833333333333336,0.17411955555555814,1.1722222222222245,97.345,103.44444444444444,3.5111111111111115,14.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-1.0693,128,3,31,1,6,44,27,36,0.268,0.732,0.0,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,3,1,1,0,1,5,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495908836517252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497557984796501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504730961482358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175848784554371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672093941726488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WarriorsRoundtable,2020/01/15,"Overcoming the Challenges of Transition to Civilian Live: Interviews from 2/7 Weapons Company Reunion [In this interview](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VF5fLUoT5w), veterans of 2/7 Weapons Company were asked two questions --  ""What was the most difficult part of your transition to civilian life?""   ""How did you overcome those challenges?"" In this video, six Marines and Sailors share their personal experiences.  

Making the transition to civilian life isn't always easy and can exacerbate PTS symptoms.  But with the wisdom and help of fellow warriors, we find the knowledge, resources and strength to overcome the challenges that a vast majority of veterans commonly encounter.   [\#warriorsroundtable](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%23warriorsroundtable) [\#usmc](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%23usmc) [\#neverfightalone](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%23neverfightalone)",19.212285714285713,25.564240180952385,10.306904761904764,39.8689285714286,42.42857142857143,12.580952380952382,51.45238095238096,11.602472056035307,8.284409523809524,789,43,63,22,10,194,76,105,0.095,0.775,0.13,0.4698,0,2,0,0,2,0,75.0,1,2,1,4,1,9,2,0,7,0,5,3,0,2,0,13,7,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,4,6,13,4,3,4,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,1,44,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23770532132983624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26706850140880906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794459499847484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26110269326901964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148260447432555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035628217908003,0.0,0.0,0.2522571463929628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069095176212567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30935927467663216,0.0,0.0,0.2494412686780555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32002250581659225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969267527613529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790639467049185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,alikatbar,2020/01/15,"""It made you stronger"" The most annoying thing someone can say about trauma is that ""it made you who you are today"" or ""it made you stronger/better"". Well, maybe. But am I really stronger now after being traumatized repeatedly than I was before anything ever happened? No. It took the person I was then to deal with the trauma, and it takes the person I am now to handle the shockwaves. Now, when I experience something that even *reminds me* of my trauma, I am transported right back into those moments. 

How in the hell does that make me stronger? ""Oh well, if you can get over that, THEN you'll be stronger. Then you'll be better."" Ok but again, that just means that I am NOT stronger for what happened. That, not only did I have to experience that trauma, but now, unless I can clean up the mess it made, I will remain broken and weakend forever. That is not strength. That is a hostage situation.


I wasn't weaker before this happened. This didn't magically make me ""stronger"" or ""better"". All it did was change my perspective and saddle me with an experience I never imagined, and no one could ever prepare for.",3.378684210526316,5.815678866028707,4.068275119617226,84.50767583732059,76.12918660287082,6.4766507177033485,25.761004784689003,7.554174236665415,1.4657328229665068,869,32,160,12,20,276,110,209,0.13,0.7609999999999999,0.109,-0.762,0,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,7,0,3,15,13,2,0,9,1,26,0,0,7,4,33,39,16,0,2,11,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,23,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,7,2,1,12,1,25,6,16,20,2,24,1,0,0,0,12,5,1,4,17,133,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269160135051242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959558671130431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123743302267112,0.0,0.0,0.22073336598031348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320113558990513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963472298337027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865309085426474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920463816102556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242266956384077,0.22575953974820465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662059247260045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519766520923445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310543614213734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723175562230047,0.16659669208718764,0.0,0.125368406228973,0.13593297835433016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624580118062938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845609864126716,0.0949084775385425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21792376537946026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994371936842615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065700447293475,0.0,0.0992380786941654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402692761170134,0.0,0.0,0.10573422808936374,0.09606949869881504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938266083028555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290498280346897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182864025773843,0.0,0.13864636822677573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244025335289128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,voodoo-mama_juju,2020/01/15,"Newly diagnosed. Advice is welcome. I’ve just very recently been diagnosed with PTSD, although I suspected it for years and just hadn’t had access to a psychiatrist. I’ve only had two appointments so far. And we’ve not really talked much as far as coping mechanisms. But the doctor did give me some things to do at home including some different apps to use. I had my last appointmwnt and then downloaded them and felt really good about confronting it all....but that night I had horrible nightmares and have completely strayed away from dealing with it at all. Is this common? How can I handle this? Bleh",3.774729729729728,6.691811990990995,4.388671171171172,80.07327702702705,77.73873873873873,8.745045045045046,26.367117117117118,9.2995712137729,2.8870954954954957,485,19,83,14,12,154,80,111,0.069,0.8740000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.1105,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,2,0,12,3,0,2,1,18,15,12,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,1,7,2,13,7,4,11,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,6,59,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980634741263617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043118886650365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21251355285062815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089614851777128,0.0,0.4114462504806728,0.0,0.21176486458751326,0.0,0.20745882058380735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461138764768496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443592144710453,0.0,0.1700043108834068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331167283892124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521702695737167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899832930838458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020809933043928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415266194323235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369303564270308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25969307412567066,0.0,0.20012904456686867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291220166463433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346562932939542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799583093602785,0.0,0.0,0.1750565645148207,0.0,0.16723807263611215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052383769691664
ptsd,bonizzle,2020/01/16,"(possible TW) Drasticizing and catastrophizing , i think thats a name for it. Anyone else struggle with this? One of my biggest issues through out my ptsd is my mind coming up with worst case scenarios, dissociating from reality and then believing it’s real. Today i’m waiting for a package and my mind takes the wheel and imagining i answer the door for the package, and delivery man comes in holds me down, etc, i’m completely helpless home alone and no one will answer the phone, if i let my dog out of his kennel maybe he’ll bite him but he’ll get away and that’ll be a whole new problem. I try and call my fiancé to come home but he doesn’t pick up, i have to call 911 because i’ve been attacked or violated but they don’t believe me and i return to my life of perpetual shame that drives me. My fiancé is disgusted with me, tells me i’ve cheated on him and betrayed him, leaves me homeless alone and disgusted with myself, but at least finally everyone hates me so i can just off myself. I eventually come back to reality and realize none of that has happened, but it feels like it happened. It’s like a flashback of a trauma that never happened. Some may call it an emotional flashback with the scenario just being reminiscent of my past. This is why i hate being home alone ever, i’m hesitant to get my dog training (because he is a 90 lb biter), i can’t ever try and fall asleep without distraction, i really can’t do anything without distracting myself. I feel like i’m never safe and i can’t trust anyone. I’m working on getting back on my meds and i just feel hopeless today. It’s hard to validate any of my traumas when now my inner critic just likes to make up trauma that feels real. But for today, i’m reading a book and i will lock the door and not answer it when my package comes. I will keep my rottweiler next to me until my roommate comes home.",3.44988382484361,5.118234546916893,5.0134235924933,81.26396023235033,73.50402144772119,7.868775692582662,27.982931188561217,8.548686976883017,2.12278094727435,1478,58,285,27,30,498,184,373,0.20800000000000002,0.723,0.069,-0.9956,0,3,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,1,1,12,24,7,4,14,0,23,2,1,2,4,73,54,30,0,2,15,0,5,4,0,7,1,0,6,1,16,30,0,4,10,2,0,8,12,18,0,2,1,5,48,6,42,42,6,42,0,2,0,0,16,15,0,4,23,192,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24667274866338545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398802241539692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102287349592332,0.08134458757224589,0.06533132656410558,0.0,0.0,0.09031775343199057,0.07458965654114336,0.12209224527927486,0.0,0.09679099356888367,0.0,0.0,0.1788910186211946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431986495435712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103254921283767,0.08323905874776942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632028076030311,0.08930322983812912,0.0,0.0,0.08854099982665695,0.0,0.14362586640273994,0.0,0.07586068772052666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605681750732961,0.1134326738670925,0.0,0.08696802556133693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244342254181958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061333460628964,0.0,0.07111797796545632,0.15676266808802564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185391623741086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286268733893219,0.0,0.07056561047750505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406270272051485,0.0,0.08118180423159617,0.05607560872491567,0.1551440628392047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529935396474051,0.0,0.07975807349824343,0.0,0.0881845561732151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160322833918385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224611513436936,0.07667549875671223,0.08443232207623838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759363658285333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578687856582852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950046223868725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759656488775702,0.09280283348150364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941163117666203,0.18072673617378326,0.05085936111738119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299581917214162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596915103749688,0.0,0.06939048780625269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508700006122587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22575772974362496,0.0,0.0,0.10780139711611196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163725938806954,0.08863626402404973,0.0,0.15305853747330458,0.0,0.057796972602958026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ihavebeenelucidated,2020/01/16,PTSD From School Does anyone else here have PTSD from the public education system?,4.947142857142854,8.531718000000001,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,83.28571428571428,5.6571428571428575,14.142857142857142,7.1686216300943375,0.26825714285714275,68,1,10,1,2,20,12,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269486711818441,0.3325629300710584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840356226747212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711387143390823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7588158755883961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284847451323974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JimmyPageBlackMagic,2020/01/16,"Has anyone tried using the TalkSpace app for therapy? I downloaded the app last week in hopes of using it to help me deal with the symptoms of my PTSD. It's pretty expensive and not covered by my insurance (no other mental help treatments are either, however), so I was just wondering if any of you have used it and could weigh in on if it's worth the investment?

Thanks for your thoughts :)",7.350200000000001,6.846193853333336,7.2985000000000015,76.13175000000003,63.8,11.233333333333334,34.75,10.686352973137794,3.6123999999999987,309,12,58,7,4,99,57,75,0.0,0.769,0.231,0.9556,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,3,0,15,12,5,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,7,2,11,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,2,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375833476184405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781485503807806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878462457907412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794273111392026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28339212508881595,0.0,0.0,0.20996656392657667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231811905906316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304012303183115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506843161218644,0.0,0.0,0.247113715331734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972414593943926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462747948036885,0.2417527858926575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782691883649595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352581036560438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5477416913073714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957124989844566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292528239925235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,aimsjx,2020/01/16,"Book recommendations I’m (23F) a survivor of sexual abuse (over the course of 15 years) & a survivor of emotional/mental abuse (over the course of 4 years) and I’m just wondering if you guys can recommend any books that could help me on my path of healing and understanding myself more. 
I’m currently thinking about seeing a councillor but I also want to read and relate other perspectives from other people through books.

Thanks, 
A x",4.235125,7.038314262500003,4.977500000000003,77.18750000000001,75.125,8.5,26.25,9.188382445141503,2.669875,351,13,59,9,8,113,58,80,0.066,0.7759999999999999,0.158,0.6369,1,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,11,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,12,10,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,3,36,8,4,0.0,0.5648600580688734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906247792187791,0.0,0.25827430530610485,0.0,0.1621000940804468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031942439321176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360242424470391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977470181001124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525607067347187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23843497703571176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995040314016884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194595032467064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273817258340291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481520664818475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405970795264323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585026071633349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070055355684129
ptsd,KokoroMiamotoXOXO,2020/01/16,How can I help prevent the voices and visions I just want it to stop,-0.7240000000000002,1.4216889333333356,1.495000000000001,97.7025,93.0,3.0,20.833333333333336,3.1291,-0.5076666666666667,54,2,12,0,2,18,14,15,0.128,0.465,0.40700000000000003,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5479861041072502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6835078740187251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822117956456066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AsexualCraziness,2020/01/16,"My dog feels my stress (Possible trigger warning) So, my smallest dog and I have been attached at the hip for about 5 years now. He's a velcro dog and I am apparently a velcro human, because we can't stand being apart. Point is, he gets me and he knows me better than I know myself. I've been through physical (10 months) and sexual (4 years) assault and have been officially diagnosed recently with ptsd. Thing is, I've only told my family who the physical person was. All but one of them have no clue or don't remember I was molested. 

My brothers done everything he can to bury the concept in my head, that he had no idea it was wrong to do what he did. I still see him almost every day, he lives in the house so obviously I would see him. He was 12-16 years old through what he did to me and it only recently clicked that he was definitely old enough to know what he was doing to me from ages 9-14. I never consented (if that was obvious enough) but he has always been bigger and stronger than me so I would get the snot beat out of me if I tried to get away. If I told my dad, I would get beat. In my mind, it hurt less if I let it keep happening. 

I guess I start getting stressed and panicking a bit when him and I are in the same room, because my dog starts shaking like a leaf and has to be in my arms, doesn't want to have anything to do with my brother. In my brothers mind, bygones are bygones, I'm pretty sure he forgot he even did what he did because when I mentioned the time frame it happened once he denied the last two years (I think he realized ages 14-16 are too old to be unaware that you're doing those things). Honestly, its comforting in a weird way to know my dog feels my stress because I don't notice it anymore. It's good to know someone else, even though he's a dog, understands something isn't right.

My brother says he's moving out this summer (he's almost 19 now) so I'll make my family aware of what happened after he leaves. I hate that I still care for him enough to want him to be out of the house and in his own place before I bring up what happened for the first time. Either way, I'm happy to have my dog. He's a good boy.",3.8380370765944463,4.116184953539825,5.0558773268233175,86.57517699115047,71.14601769911505,8.358376563930426,27.311870613365887,8.326086129247049,1.5735580408910592,1677,53,374,24,29,558,212,452,0.10099999999999999,0.799,0.1,0.605,1,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,1,0,1,4,15,19,3,4,17,0,48,4,3,2,5,57,83,25,0,9,8,5,2,1,0,3,1,1,1,3,24,17,0,2,12,0,0,3,8,10,0,3,20,6,53,9,45,55,9,54,0,1,3,0,43,20,0,8,29,233,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462419914758824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424277587450122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765690352177285,0.0,0.0,0.06353514544600616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253893233683291,0.0,0.0,0.18825975769000253,0.0,0.06569784569770422,0.0,0.0,0.06828370737192592,0.08429052902450232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871813170981934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04979241223537097,0.0,0.0,0.07836392741522956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901001799809401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449690991642748,0.0,0.0,0.23932777622123444,0.0,0.1019895732448932,0.0,0.06505059897552475,0.0,0.06938906960989145,0.0,0.14556860818463915,0.0,0.07807680399135425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567260987659228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016885065249817,0.0,0.0,0.1295158768639133,0.0,0.0,0.08505270070980883,0.0,0.27309714039351274,0.08218875661532661,0.0,0.07622636368560212,0.07923710881740839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781740416983986,0.08265216243709538,0.08715780317153664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686255210320155,0.0,0.0,0.21215595213399635,0.06293436915816868,0.0,0.08175153214884688,0.0,0.07894983939079417,0.0,0.037719655776088636,0.0,0.06817558491245375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153656639579783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559150120934015,0.0,0.06162624280746715,0.08205929113887556,0.0,0.0,0.05954713819007134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790118331056679,0.2430486649326667,0.08222340489101093,0.0523177601686122,0.11743947596821107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741455945489666,0.08066534308306364,0.0,0.07298598739916058,0.08703978910086943,0.0,0.07854772407717857,0.0,0.0,0.09025136688848967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524660672327991,0.0,0.08746097996644057,0.06593473276315494,0.0,0.061398455966180564,0.0,0.0,0.12304866879826255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541761421510246,0.05943806009919288,0.0,0.0,0.10929564825434733,0.0,0.12331592423747866,0.0,0.2653225884402237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276709943376998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258638625447353,0.04947141069555485,0.07585591878287473,0.0,0.09004055947049212,0.0,0.0,0.14755003706310252,0.0,0.05241878441220822,0.0,0.0754204511809874,0.08037566895184989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107789815999844,0.12256734591686888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453785269869647,0.08441421651077183,0.0,0.19887624264484766
ptsd,NoahCardin,2020/01/16,"Research on the correlation between lucid dreaming and PTSD  Hi everybody! My mate and i are researching if lucid dreaming could in any way be beneficial for people who are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder for a school project. In this project we had to do literary research since it's extremely difficult to make a proper practical research with the time and tools at our disposal. The sad thing is that we still need some data, we devided we can survey how common lucid dreams are among the people. You would help us out incredibly by filling in the next survey, it doesn't matter if you have experience with lucid dreaming or not!!  
[https://nl.surveymonkey.com/r/6WN6RN6](https://nl.surveymonkey.com/r/6WN6RN6)",11.121245421245424,12.632354042735045,9.687545787545787,55.37769230769232,55.581196581196565,12.155799755799755,38.93650793650794,11.765960540728905,5.184158485958488,601,26,81,16,7,186,87,117,0.154,0.782,0.064,-0.8966,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,6,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,7,0,12,0,0,2,0,21,14,7,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,10,0,16,10,1,14,0,2,0,0,12,7,0,4,4,61,16,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640967972094954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266372525472805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765583274893036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360442074658404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617427614145204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107406309540145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892582388225484,0.0,0.0,0.2566323605459559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345832964598365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311050680174077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820745614482407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24421521321970355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996113550237937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270780292917372,0.0,0.2764159530461104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603134163554755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070784853914764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902621894451435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153798739742367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141732120602093,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,heavygnomes,2020/01/16,"I don’t know if I’m right to feel the way I feel, or if it’s PTSD making me feel that way. First post ever, long time lurker. 

I (26 F) have PTSD from an abusive relationship I had when I was 17 (sexual, emotional and physical). I have a boyfriend (25 M) now, and he’s the father of my son.  

We fight  about my PTSD sometimes, particularly me saying “these are triggers, please don’t do this”. He does these triggering things anyways and just says “oh it’s too hard to remember all your triggers”.  I even made him a list before to help him remember but he just doesn’t. 

Well the night before last was a rough night for me PTSD wise. Lots of flashbacks and hyper vigilance. He wanted to know what was going on with me so I texted him back and told him I was having a rough night, flashbacks etc. 

He texted me back “you drain the fucking life out of me it’s so exhausting to be there for you sometimes”. That just sent me spiraling more. 

I know in my heart what he does isn’t right but he tells me it’s just the PTSD. Like I know being with someone with PTSD can be exhausting, I get it. But I don’t think it’s right to tell them that in the middle of a flashback.

Am I wrong? Like he’s entitled to feel how he feels but is it really appropriate to say that when he said it? I’m so fucking hurt and confused. I’m tired. I feel broken. I just want to be normal.",0.2204246692274836,2.4173083450704236,2.1424199743918058,95.03083440034149,87.02816901408451,5.555100298762269,18.11310285958173,6.980632752743323,0.04410938967136069,1046,27,241,15,33,346,140,284,0.124,0.7979999999999999,0.077,-0.9548,0,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,1,3,1,1,21,12,3,1,12,0,22,7,1,6,2,49,47,19,0,5,12,2,9,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,18,11,0,0,13,0,0,2,5,8,1,1,9,13,36,4,24,34,4,26,0,1,0,2,32,8,2,5,15,150,54,0,0.0,0.10081705446776204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308570308360194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480966675292636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892465810807334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571415018172234,0.0,0.0,0.09489720103079796,0.05620076258597265,0.07696825619728245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25814261899420204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723770212708557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573276042382905,0.04445571252391706,0.0,0.048358281003028816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622341135863121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083137808308007,0.05703364783843961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108998911468692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705169036766373,0.06935923795000876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010117713274993,0.08314078985334769,0.0,0.0,0.07530146334404178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233998614226064,0.0,0.0805136711263509,0.056797851787294885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395519831902569,0.08336957011301949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340263656076392,0.0,0.0,0.08149214807334289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5967899049500331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451046436908417,0.0,0.0,0.09135419841187634,0.19277946222317616,0.21799771158727746,0.0809395282714097,0.2029995775322095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209599351133303,0.0,0.16831123372545245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487438154948995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652963293215112,0.054521867654412255,0.0,0.0,0.04961632787460124,0.09779777665286103,0.0,0.0813065918280044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037589468148436,0.13508004964638176,0.0,0.0,0.07650561172846286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930319284621642,0.0,0.0
ptsd,camm9478,2020/01/16,"Can't stop feeling shaky I'm sick, and yesterday I need to sleep my mom was dring for most of a 1-hour trip listening to a woman talking about how she was raped in her sleep. She went into a lot of detail so that people would understand her side of things. I was able to try and ignore it in the car. It was upsetting but not the worse thing. But then when we got home, my mom sat on the couch listening to it rather loudly. I was tired and wanted to go to sleep, but all I could do is listen to this woman's story. I told my mom that It was triggering me, and I was getting upset.but all she said was, ""You need to listen to this. You can learn from her experience."" It was more upsetting that she said something like that while listening to someone else's rape story that my triggers weren't important enough that I had to listen and suffer. That what I was feeling was invalid. It was upsetting, but after the video, I had to go to sleep. I think I had a nightmare. Now I've been awake for an hour, and I still am shaking. No amount of deep breathes meditating showering and grounding is helping right now.",3.4094852941176437,4.738155410714288,4.298823529411767,87.71088235294118,73.01785714285714,7.592016806722689,25.230042016806717,8.124751697461798,1.3429719537815121,868,27,183,13,17,280,123,224,0.17600000000000002,0.773,0.051,-0.9827,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,2,0,0,8,10,2,5,9,0,25,9,5,3,2,35,48,16,0,6,6,3,2,1,0,1,2,9,3,2,18,9,0,2,5,1,0,6,4,9,0,0,23,11,27,1,26,23,7,24,0,1,0,2,26,8,0,3,11,133,45,1,0.12774548986686746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199437891357753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671496484053528,0.0,0.0,0.13199523955440165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495960152745575,0.0,0.0,0.12918391599837814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674174595478254,0.0,0.14520141157462,0.0,0.10216973801912148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562510909840368,0.0,0.1281391420670578,0.0,0.25160715029900993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062409993675017185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860464726286287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488419213849392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894433241581151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856263801647048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909395035680662,0.24303042857243945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5113509845275486,0.0,0.1082383390144134,0.09834471917947553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201771322325673,0.10680094959308832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026769858418352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697368543151765,0.08185415176988439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468246484812542,0.0,0.12206628998049235,0.0,0.08673080218541804,0.0,0.0,0.13298756013807905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534759969499362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842134893388315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018356777685985,0.09074673080426317,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dalchris,2020/01/16,"Recommended PTSD Therapist in UK? How to find the good from the bad? Hi folks, would really appreciate your help here. 

My partner who suffers from PTST is looking for a new therapist. She has had over 20 sessions with two previous therapists including EDMR but hasn't really made any progress and is growing worried that therapy migh not be able to help her. One of the previous therapists despite advertising treating PTSD knew very little about it. 

Can anyone recommend a therapist that specialises in specifically PTSD treatment? 

Or if not could you share some advice for how to separate better therapists from worse ones? It feels when you are looking through the mass directories of therapists, almost every therapist seems to work with all problems for all people and it can be really hard to judge them apart.",8.650567375886524,10.083559446808517,8.094468085106381,64.93333333333334,60.91489361702129,12.791489361702128,39.0709219858156,12.261556223090626,5.617232624113476,666,33,100,23,9,210,101,141,0.115,0.732,0.153,0.7437,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,3,5,7,0,0,6,0,12,0,0,3,2,23,18,8,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,3,3,4,7,4,20,11,3,9,0,1,2,0,12,6,0,5,2,68,13,2,0.08798983175065872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598264523070029,0.0,0.0,0.08810910639342183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983610289034581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615245362255512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346783417407246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781985576562507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025272085512799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413522822025524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044490302731762736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042111214989557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380169622316099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882160628430022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795545895283174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818892717236998,0.0,0.0,0.14777859573030194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325810630760024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498112780413249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924837437798112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100107038287581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419438569903681,0.3085662140014536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910561798364587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010263815883381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006240409967534,0.8173038118256357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595328019778647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260082623494203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405764546831788,0.08935794527086764,0.08966915573555086,0.06250545192406358,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,waiting-on-the-day,2020/01/16,"(trigger warning/nsfw) I need help but I am so ashamed to ask for it (TW: rape, eating disorders, shooting) 

I was diagnosed with ptsd a while ago. I come from a rough past, and i grew up with anorexia. In this past year I’ve been raped and in two shootings, one a mall shooting, and the other at my school. Now my eating patterns have swung to the other end of the spectrum and i overeat to cope and i’ve gained over 40 lbs since august 2019, it’s january 2020 now. I don’t know how to ask for help or where to go because i’ve tried in the past. I’ve been to so many therapy sessions and talk therapy doesn’t seem to be doing it for me. my psychiatrist has switched my medicines so many times over 3 years and nothing helps. I feel so hopeless and I cannot stop reliving the rape, or seeing the guy who did it and all that i lost from it when i sleep. I wake up almost everyday feeling completely out of my body and real life is bleeding into my nightmares and vis/versa. I feel like i’m spiraling and i just want to eat to feel comfort. I have almost completely abandoned all hope. I don’t know what to do or how to ask for help",2.363195807314898,3.766951978813559,3.704210526315791,90.6284790365745,75.82203389830508,6.832827832292596,25.980374665477253,7.475848149327749,1.16044406779661,881,32,195,11,19,289,135,236,0.155,0.7340000000000001,0.111,-0.9582,0,0,0,3,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,2,11,10,3,1,9,0,16,13,3,3,2,42,34,24,0,3,5,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,11,17,4,2,7,1,0,3,4,7,0,2,5,6,23,3,31,28,2,29,0,3,1,3,10,11,0,7,16,122,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874247382738643,0.0,0.2230864170319699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124100406841916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790365778108635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373163459059736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595452623909696,0.23358522733649706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306074914529053,0.0,0.0,0.12766512411250985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419461221449479,0.0,0.0,0.09866043578358363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252929949097208,0.07957861763225894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330676041585515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029580172205282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986554033319926,0.0,0.0,0.11063759943236176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243649176388975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867961272683711,0.05442060754497438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159775665153034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22586843604663034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825959128413684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688383049963532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548224487173133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190094084178408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021153339764907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267887227162679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273486424690055,0.0887651699866091,0.10140728508737172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214478784539404,0.0,0.1114726568937692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312887601785916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953283955604993,0.0,0.0,0.2547734018889075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495369389319612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562799913698504,0.0,0.10881400400231928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570201198559808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346586319930413
ptsd,venusianlover,2020/01/16,I’m venting but feel free to respond if you can relate I feel stuck. I don’t want to ever feel the things I felt that made me become this way. But my therapist says I have to remember all that stuff and allow myself to feel it in order to heal from it. And I have to expose myself to the things that feel like they might destroy me or make me destroy myself. I’ve worked so hard all these years of my life to just be ok. To not break down at every moment. To feel stable. And how can I convince myself to risk losing everything?,2.2612612612612644,3.677510801801805,3.6776576576576585,90.66261261261265,76.11711711711713,6.014414414414415,19.54054054054054,6.42735559955562,0.02298918918918913,413,8,89,3,9,136,71,111,0.171,0.6779999999999999,0.151,-0.5646,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,2,4,8,2,1,2,1,7,2,0,4,3,26,19,9,0,2,6,0,8,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,10,3,0,0,8,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,9,17,5,16,14,2,9,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,3,4,66,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097980364826473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183144886747334,0.16005112614766984,0.0,0.17072554147550176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5763027828319698,0.13570884679531686,0.1823932509360417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701685845370298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417573497950322,0.09280580778567302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125188187598856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974657926274545,0.1268010690037626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151959727475305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151898454136361,0.0,0.0,0.15106535798098772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174609715464038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205604518725556,0.2524045420953924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204447305054926,0.1507829447527975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829455363801346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232926022441877
ptsd,Bthrowaway89,2020/01/16,Has anyone ever get sudden feelings to flee where you are at? Tonight my boyfriend had went upstairs and I freaked out and felt like something was wrong or something was up and I had no reason to think this and I literally packed all my stuff and was going to leave and then I just broke down crying and shaking and I ended up staying but I’ve never done that before and I was wondering if anyone else with ptsd ever experienced this?,3.2212058823529404,5.556487282352943,3.8243382352941175,86.56827205882351,76.17647058823529,5.661764705882352,24.742647058823533,6.6274283507984215,0.9149117647058822,349,12,65,3,8,110,59,85,0.14300000000000002,0.836,0.021,-0.7399,0,0,2,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,9,0,0,1,4,24,16,13,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,0,5,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,9,3,9,1,9,7,1,18,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,3,8,51,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27775735099450394,0.20350812810332364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900971721785454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817309927960055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325568757123028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592027319370325,0.0,0.17591704067628167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593236144061829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042748299974892,0.0,0.19070491054341096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037699702079264,0.0,0.11287947249278905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030831656456847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970349680201816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531868340545624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321744013728216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042129010804692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058124546599394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170089730160266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273706670209109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726671694070854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412134227320048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153932941441138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171581535153875,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Stardust2297,2020/01/16,"Ptsd from finding my dad after he took his own life Trigger warning suicide 

2 years ago I found my dad after he took his own life. I didn’t know he was dead initially and dragged him on to the floor and proceeded to do cpr, even though he was already cold. I’d never seen a dead body before and I was in so much shock part of me was hoping he’d still be alive and I could have saved him. Recently I’ve been drowning in guilt and having flashbacks to finding him. No amount of therapy is helping this. It’s like that part of my brain has broken and it’s just on a loop going round and round. I can’t sleep, I can’t leave the house because everything triggers flashbacks. Honestly sometimes I wonder if I’m just in an alternate reality and that I’m in a nightmare instead of living in the here and now. No one seems to understand why I’m struggling. My family don’t wanna talk about it, they just say at least I’ve got a roof over my head and shouldn’t complain about seeing my dads dead body every time I hear silence for even a second. I don’t even know what I’m trying to ask for, what can help relieve me of this thunder in my chest and torture that I seem to experience every day?",4.175308704453439,4.6117618218623475,5.144795040485832,85.67282009109312,70.4574898785425,7.956376518218622,28.392965587044536,7.865858978985527,1.6136803643724689,938,32,199,11,16,308,142,247,0.171,0.747,0.08199999999999999,-0.9712,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,0,14,10,1,2,9,0,20,8,6,2,1,32,40,14,5,5,4,3,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,10,11,0,0,9,0,0,3,9,5,0,2,11,8,26,5,29,25,7,25,0,0,4,0,21,11,0,5,12,128,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735667125331877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336478512923797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322146297650793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382750687455511,0.0,0.10305565489736722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690517242174733,0.0,0.1351987676575697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669644741535292,0.0,0.0,0.07810590434649746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399759570158042,0.0,0.20408072769189656,0.0,0.10884582188995964,0.1184687790332195,0.11417169078871685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213846167786952,0.0,0.0,0.13279081886376792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882958065197449,0.0,0.09686269777844796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429375810776888,0.0,0.13649972574153044,0.0,0.16235490519302448,0.0,0.0,0.12028951605243385,0.0,0.13974463209515048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311773228087756,0.0,0.0,0.12823795963155896,0.0,0.0,0.17108709130823407,0.05916820844315618,0.0,0.10694231259107337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890297549194915,0.0,0.09340746653518156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206724253559704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262300566929263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157106098839528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958147364983687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631150035568077,0.0,0.0,0.09650895712473344,0.22050791611415108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119742311498798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978084617620888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671856966241107,0.0,0.0,0.12661042488689658,0.0,0.1324746381506808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734359744113574,0.0,0.0,0.13849979289809464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898991976054747,0.0,0.07062019100484114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691152412158106,0.08222571226125905,0.0,0.0,0.12607973844013468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928290050423108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313385842774365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799084281849092
ptsd,Unusualhell,2020/01/16,"What are peoples in the moment coping mechanisms There are alot of times that I start getting overwhelmed in public, but I naturally just freeze those feelings untill I get to a privet space and then I just explode. I feel like theres probably a better way to deal with these feelings, especially because when I freeze I get dizzy, headachey and basically put all the emotional energy into body symptoms instead. What are some things other people do if they're in a situation like this",8.511477272727273,8.910613556818184,8.169454545454549,67.83918181818184,61.15909090909091,10.676363636363641,36.91818181818182,10.355215969177356,4.028515454545455,395,17,62,8,5,126,66,88,0.027000000000000003,0.762,0.21100000000000002,0.9224,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,6,0,4,2,1,0,1,14,11,7,0,1,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,3,9,11,3,13,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,3,8,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879351467249065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136721426409754,0.0,0.2529046151882656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347312958032784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561128609970965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34537027477319443,0.16265686407597155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568650936318631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246894021909686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156936103074562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454809088630407,0.0,0.0,0.2288844187995471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559253627387137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115528189097098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366499365774856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151262545756099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276385633689428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807242602733315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,xfitffemt,2020/01/16,"I’m not sure what I experienced.... I’ve never really discussed much of anything about my career before as far as traumatic events. There has been plenty of them and it is not widely talked about in my career field. I am not sure if what I experienced is ptsd or not. If this isn’t the right place please let me know. 

I’ve been involved in public safety in one form or another for about 15 years.  Currently I work for a municipality mostly in office work and not much in the field. Tonight on my drive home I drove past a timber harvest and the smell of fresh cut wood and the grease and diesel from that site brought me back to an accident scene I haven’t thought about since 2008. Weather I wanted to or not I was reminded of the emotions that happened that day. It was a two car accident that was unfortunately a fatality. It was on a rural road and one of the vehicles had rolled into the woods. The male inside was traumatically deceased.  I really can’t avoid that site as it is a road I take frequently. 

I’m not sure what to do at this point as I will most likely have to drive by the harvest for the next couple days. I do not want a repeat of tonight.  Any suggestions?",4.485635593220341,5.338963368644073,5.512500000000002,81.81205508474578,69.97457627118644,8.78135593220339,26.614406779661017,9.017664075816787,1.863530508474576,929,28,192,17,16,307,128,236,0.138,0.831,0.032,-0.9715,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,6,7,1,1,18,0,21,0,0,0,4,31,31,15,1,4,13,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,14,7,0,1,2,0,0,5,12,3,0,3,11,4,18,4,32,18,5,36,0,0,0,0,7,18,0,7,14,133,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746073980331028,0.16570040183733215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003907849953478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150957207701266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344655348462906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484892475193173,0.0,0.20382291904436392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775407795810552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973880215561404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850948281486907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684505031043574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158874415090374,0.0,0.07720182654827859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23232948496433126,0.0,0.12187671757361322,0.0,0.16805875428836525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416031312205505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085038632096553,0.0,0.0,0.16509991135984406,0.1734612856008525,0.14938236905164912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471988221820249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246655932478888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495037792776032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071787048112402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44680309562648296,0.0,0.1188132770546113,0.127012524512313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545223820905527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543650510712927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864115658390323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300845690000392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176132889694807
ptsd,dooloonoo,2020/01/16,"I found out my ex was cheating on me while I was in the hospital We broke up a few months ago but it hurts so much more now. I thought he cared, he made a point to visit me every day I was in the hospital. He broke up with me soon after and I only just found out why. He was cheating on me with a girl I knew very well, and they have been happily together ever since. I'm trying so hard to learn to trust the right people again but it's felt like one step forward and two steps back for years.",1.1858333333333348,2.4763970277777787,2.8566666666666687,95.955,78.72222222222223,6.2814814814814826,19.407407407407405,6.937597516519254,-0.03730370370370384,381,8,94,4,9,126,73,108,0.154,0.69,0.156,0.2824,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,1,0,9,9,2,0,6,0,6,0,0,1,1,19,14,8,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,6,0,0,4,0,5,1,2,11,2,13,4,15,3,3,25,0,3,0,0,9,11,0,0,13,62,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507571347013005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605431316805287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287069195160715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346493497274011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885840234882814,0.17591075543856094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004667841540284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578449621543181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703076309629166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22350915382670866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020020299113734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975578510858673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665056275931514,0.0,0.15348133673887862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147843154490775,0.1587907510555715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474554987180374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736974573664265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830164260855147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270949057699395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575233419181482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417516227420445,0.0,0.20395305733858654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722698708164626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877232032478789,0.0,0.1883964037333223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445099135674593
ptsd,Cactus_Spirit,2020/01/16,"I Haven't Cried In Months I went through a significant loss eight months ago and I haven't cried since then. Over anything - and there have been big things since then.

I don't know if the part of me that knows how to physically process grief/ sadness just malfunctioned after that, or what.

Has anyone had a similar experience?",3.9603825136612016,6.639804737704921,3.4635245901639347,88.33878415300549,75.39344262295081,7.3453551912568305,24.92076502732241,8.344100000000001,1.5369978142076497,263,9,52,5,6,78,47,61,0.08900000000000001,0.805,0.106,-0.0083,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,8,10,7,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,0,5,0,6,7,1,10,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169014433446316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109177155454322,0.0,0.20135764906628267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5375572877209751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393521414514534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689486170669064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906157854960737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26497361967765704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048174348009413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256005567785226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22682853589819565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JoMo_MiCo,2020/01/16,"I was wrong I thought I saw who tried to abuse me at the mall last saturday, I wanted to run away and never leave my home again. I was wrong, it wasn't him but I don't feel good going out anymore.",0.2338636363636369,1.6880228409090954,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,81.95454545454545,5.3090909090909095,17.81818181818182,5.985473137389443,-0.6101181818181818,151,3,39,1,4,50,34,44,0.23399999999999999,0.74,0.026000000000000002,-0.8287,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,5,2,9,1,5,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,4,25,11,0,0.0,0.3148713559012097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635534794773233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24968171481565116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343716379596354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103235845225346,0.22289924313384565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26656981673336394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216622449573523,0.0,0.2813918275078669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204963474050364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097652679389825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804274140652937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674676385364147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5811137730938757,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thatsnotmyname196,2020/01/16,"Today is just not a good day I have no strength, no energy to fight or even deal and no one in my life gets it. I am drowning",1.2493103448275846,1.4202747931034525,3.4925862068965543,95.84853448275864,76.93103448275863,7.179310344827586,21.396551724137925,7.1686216300943375,0.17939999999999978,95,2,26,1,2,33,26,29,0.32299999999999995,0.529,0.14800000000000002,-0.6492,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959685935962261,0.4731314189861757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031155672081232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397693180179679,0.0,0.0,0.3849244312827661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241522278029796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109793882652901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350071430588772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,greystonetile,2020/01/16,"False Memory Syndrome - My mind got hurt, not my body. I have real ptsd/trauma symptoms but I feel like a fake.  

Was I was young I had a boy close to my age named Lee, expose himself to me in a vulgar way. I never forgot that it really upset me. 

As kids my male friend and I about 6 or 8 yo we would touch each other and look at each other. It was never anything very sexual but it escalated enough to where it started to make me feel bad and I knew it was wrong or.. That is was making me feel bad and so I told my parents. It stopped immediately and we continued being friends well into our teenage years and nothing ever happened again and I never felt weird or negative towards him. 

I think the next “incident” is when I watched a CSI episode about a pedophile. I can still remember specific scenes and I had nightmares for a week and couldn't sleep. I think I would've been between 10-12. This was very traumatizing to me. I don't even think I knew what a pedophile was yet. I may not even have known what sex was yet at this point. This was at my grandparents house The following years visiting I had similar fear responses but I think that was just association from the TV show and nightmares. When I got my first boyfriend I was permissive sexually,  not assertive. I let him do whatever he wanted but I couldn't bring myself to do things to him. We broke up before we had ""real"" sex. My now husband  as a bf was very different from my other bf. He was very polite, made sure I was comfortable and I was not used to this. However, we dated for a few years (and being christian we were tying to obstain) anyhow we dated for a few years and I was still permissive with him, we eventually had sex after doing oral and manual stimulation (which i consented to I didn't feel bad or have negative feelings about it). The first time we had actually sex I gave him permission but not verbally… I literally never had any ill feelings or uncertainty about what I wanted until after my “trauma” now I think back… I think…”well i didn't say yes… even though I did. I’m confident and okay with how we had sex the first time, except now after experiencing this trauma and getting hypersensitive. I have thoughts like “he raped, because technically you didn't verbally say'' yes \`\` and I hate myself for thinking that because I never felt that way or thought anything of it until after experiencing a trauma. I know what rape is and that wasn’t it. 

We wanted to wait until we were married to have sex but ended up having sex. We went back and forth from abstaining to not. I think this created a negativity or stress toward sex even before we for married. Fast forward a little bit, over the years anything to do with pedophiles really creeped me out.. I should say disturbed me and there was a period of time I hated being alone in the house. Now married (20yo). My husband had a porn addiction and the first year of our marriage was me throwing myself at him trying to get him interested in having sex, I eventually got so discouraged, thinking he didn't care to have me, find me attractive, ect that I eventually stopped initiating. When we did have sex I put so much pressure on myself to make sure it was good that I would break down or shut down. He became nervous of this happening as well and he wouldn't initiate because of it. 

He had his own depression and addictions he was dealing with after moving of a home with a narcissistic abuser. Maybe a year later our sex life has improved some, we started to learn how to communicate better and his porn addiction had been greatly improved. However, at this point I had dropped out of university for the second time, I had become self deprecating and developed negative thought patterns from the sexual hurts/frustrations, and then my grandmother's cancer became advanced and she died. I started drinking a lot and eventually cut myself about 4 months later. The cutting stopped almost as soon as it had started but my mental state was not good. I got a new job that started good but soon became awful for me. I stopped drinking. I started going to counselling. 

One day in church I listened to a woman talk about her son being molested. I had a massive reaction to this. I started crying uncontrollably, shaking, hot and cold, and it didn't stop for a while. After this incident, I stopped getting turned on and started being a bit fearful of sex. I wasn't getting triggered I was just...off sex.When this all happened wondered if maybe I had been abused and that's why I was having these weird responses. I told my counselor about this and she thought we should do and EMI (eye movement integration)  therapy session to see if there was any trauma there. 

My therapist used this therapy to try and ""recover lost memories"" instead of what it's for, which is to allow the traumatic feelings that haven't been dealt with to have an exit. In the first EMI session we used my memory of reacting in church to the woman's story about her four year old son being molested by a babysitter to start the session. At the end of the first session we ""established"" that I had been molested by my babysitter when I was four years old. My therapist traumatized me with a false memory but didn't realize it at the time. I was looking for answers and she gave me one that made the most sense for what I was dealing with at the time. I started having trauma responses.

I told my family and mostly they were accepting, my sister had a lot of questions about the therapy method and pointed out some flaws and issues with it, however, at the time I was just happy I had an answer for this fear in my life. The memory that “surfaced”..I never really believed in the memory but more that it was a confirmation of the fears I had… I thought “Okay, maybe didn't happen exactly like this but now I know at least that something did happen. And that's what I told people. We did a second session which I found draining and frankly traumatic. My therapist used words and sentences that I didn't give her during the therapy. She led me on in the session. I did feel some relief from this session and had significantly less freezes moments. For a time, I had a couple more counselling appts. but my therapist said the EMI should have dealt with all my issues and that I don't need to see her anymore. I thought this seemed strange but I did feel a bit better…

February 2018, I had my first pap smear and experience a very traumatic stress/trauma response to this. From then on my trauma symptoms got much worse, I became very hyper vigilant, jumpy, I didn't like it when my husband would touch me without warning me, sex was just a no go at this point , I didn't get arousal anymore, I started drinking again, a lot. I stopped showering regularly, shaving and I wouldn't look in the mirror, I wore ugly baggy clothing and I tried to hide. I picked fights with my husband and did a lot to try and distance him from me to keep him from wanting sex. 

Fast forward about 10 months …. All of my symptoms and responses have continued throughout this time. My husband begins to do more research into EMI and “recovered memories” he discovers through relatively extensive research that recovered memories have never been scientifically proven and that my counselor did not use the therapy method correctly. 

He brings me this information and let me think on it. It’s hard for me to come to terms with but I ended up coming to the same conclusion that my husband did. That I hadn't been abused but that I’d been given a false memory and that false memory created a trauma in my mind. I felt a lot of things… anger, stupidity, sadness, relief…. “Thank goodness” I thought… “maybe now that I know its not real it will go away”.I wrong. I couldn't believe that at a time that I was so vulnerable… that someone used a method of therapy that has not been scientifically proven but disproven to “help” me and then effectively raped my mind. Now I’m dealing with REAL trauma symptoms when I haven't actually been raped or molested. Now I feel like a liar. Now I have to tell people I was wrong.. that I got duped. My trauma  didn't even happen ... except that it feels like it did because of an uneducated counselor and because i didn't do more research on the therapy…. I just wanted help and I got fucked up more. 

Moving on from my tirade of negativity. Since accepting that i wasn't physically molested.  I have seen some improvements. I can actually feel arousal, I've actually initiated sex a few times myself, I’m showering again, I got a Brazilian wax when i felt comfortable enough. Big big steps for me…  

But I still have a long way to go... I’m not better yet and I still get easily scared. And I still experience a lot of triggers and ptsd symptoms. My marriage is suffering and I'm at a loss. Sorry to end this so abruptly but this is now. This is what my life is now.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Thanks all.",4.139634085213031,6.073352705263157,5.2381328320802005,79.26276315789474,72.23976608187135,8.394486215538848,29.173350041771087,9.04235418022936,2.5743981620718457,7066,290,1302,150,140,2328,523,1710,0.188,0.723,0.08900000000000001,-0.9996,9,1,7,0,4,1,175.0,23,1,1,14,67,89,18,12,82,4,156,44,5,21,16,293,287,117,1,19,47,10,21,7,4,10,14,5,3,6,98,104,3,12,52,5,0,22,50,56,2,13,129,38,224,33,173,137,38,210,3,8,8,24,101,58,1,29,135,955,322,12,0.0,0.10737317235006452,0.11791301086470912,0.09879220367743644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03024854034310557,0.03128595562648361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041084397432680615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991562934092665,0.021121850990062804,0.030951248214849732,0.09943309887188888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028381027463135214,0.04645554795383194,0.07566623372658345,0.09207133984949313,0.03336191255129805,0.05140887253088488,0.06806722470421676,0.0,0.08014848213681043,0.09893660171416206,0.03355382537786444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030798653715070925,0.0,0.0,0.052042332234525215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0334241264685763,0.033181621847445435,0.019481398106961888,0.09342810415982264,0.02601775509818656,0.0,0.0313507117807781,0.03156050473327945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877582129886047,0.0,0.0,0.025234567323456775,0.0,0.10701984322570134,0.06242503596170695,0.0,0.09975914953420766,0.02732449677217852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909764356234215,0.028477029738145383,0.13596775878704773,0.18328639644346856,0.06474093020785743,0.1160161036717516,0.0,0.02760919222630037,0.17986193883857968,0.0,0.033121065928104015,0.04667662195980261,0.02792643244485726,0.0946933216403744,0.028977875206559325,0.06867068365371212,0.101346781370266,0.19327816947256413,0.033303977298607804,0.0,0.0,0.16027484535383185,0.0321565438519158,0.027060069443367373,0.05964748725912832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040495024917091296,0.0,0.03030067818597937,0.0,0.0,0.06971101183539738,0.03233785246689685,0.0,0.0,0.06305775664051266,0.029976374380925614,0.026849896108722227,0.0,0.0,0.04980390841174687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177861977774107,0.0640095476383914,0.1033053267254006,0.03027594343628246,0.0,0.026732768724949185,0.07610030899931919,0.0,0.0329751555172258,0.15408848911248405,0.0,0.05716630869664666,0.06049140754276601,0.0,0.12139034709788755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03044214827003555,0.0,0.0915031714195289,0.0,0.048222824164189416,0.06421178036102088,0.04441211233551616,0.022398547029420655,0.16308570265870506,0.029174681006387194,0.0321261172492492,0.0,0.0,0.028984999641915025,0.0,0.06339557358708459,0.0,0.040938892821314785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03354195656834843,0.0,0.0,0.04188428220370198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142237552204952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706221180745752,0.03036697378731875,0.0338394168562986,0.0,0.0,0.13753141388556153,0.05805527166492758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03421931360740296,0.0,0.02873433787203137,0.07206686983806589,0.030243069781682855,0.0,0.048143080356484215,0.02749985763239532,0.031513106937839916,0.0,0.0,0.02498803261651625,0.0,0.03022940799413285,0.0,0.025594795040412757,0.02325528046370369,0.0,0.03381492659576652,0.2351919834120591,0.0,0.12061911168523914,0.1767842991580625,0.0692053901404387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694059675024669,0.15698627408781418,0.0,0.0242797185536927,0.02640276723922583,0.0556221851869606,0.20727008738364736,0.14029337225480848,0.02006858215194354,0.19355805501394907,0.029678806192257188,0.16787017919212954,0.19375719077227016,0.0,0.0,0.11545859634739047,0.0,0.08203588953192466,0.032857186237642895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653796611793785,0.0,0.1495465641091372,0.08908610334105467,0.07193214247483352,0.024230708555178795,0.0,0.054320506765014535,0.02800274082151543,0.027257653679569786,0.0,0.0,0.02911904114413677,0.032758845423038044,0.0,0.0,0.0307841173951746,0.0858344278625094,0.09908178077173464,0.0,0.1750742921833131
ptsd,weeoo789,2020/01/16,"Is my ""trauma"" enough Even though I was disgusted about what happened, I never had nightmares, panic attacks/triggers until now. I thought I would forget it ever happened but it got bad within the past few years.

Since I didn't have any immediate symptoms I feel like it's all in my head. I think if I went to a therapist and told them it only started really effecting me now, they probably wouldn't believe me or think I'm trying to make a problem for attention because ""the past is in the past."" 


It's like everything from that time just pops into my brain every day and sometimes I cant stop replaying it in my head. Regular daily experiences always get related to that time somehow, my head just does it randomly.

I'm afraid of talking to a therapist, even just typing this I'm shaking, I don't think I could last a minute in therapy and I'm not sure if they would be able to help me.

I kind of rambled...anything is helpful",2.4955132850241526,4.792236461956518,4.236884057971018,82.89314009661838,78.40217391304347,7.349758454106277,27.613526570048307,8.344100000000001,2.214753381642512,735,32,138,15,18,247,115,184,0.092,0.807,0.10099999999999999,0.3591,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,1,11,11,1,3,7,0,14,5,4,2,4,33,31,9,0,7,8,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,7,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,7,1,23,4,17,19,3,23,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,5,17,94,34,1,0.11926119803694528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923487058211933,0.0,0.0,0.08110170430586308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814180427177097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957811881727932,0.07270051938090225,0.0,0.0,0.13436653026072973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313493905549784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522036226049416,0.0,0.0,0.0769136065010817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436627808916198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322869809992727,0.0,0.1575417930485111,0.10787858145686048,0.10048270303942028,0.0,0.1071842747891645,0.11666033610983023,0.0,0.0,0.06030204512553442,0.08520022370710784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230905364987972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538407478792392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21092456711583146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671891881271175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987653425200607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419218534786958,0.0,0.097213793980173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652999449010208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960777576804083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198158814573766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070351522250296,0.0,0.13992731963575206,0.0,0.0,0.34154492463631697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285837426521792,0.1141168599447471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640177731997473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865409542737627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795237435947645,0.0,0.08441368980456743,0.0,0.0,0.09970770172183344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240226775151678,0.1239580490575385,0.0,0.09585763344820633,0.0,0.0,0.13638557367171766,0.27694288595385824,0.0,0.22925328043787804,0.11717352154912268,0.09468006963624197,0.1390843272969838,0.0,0.0,0.113959185550663,0.0,0.08097052495644333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055632540706277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694394666290222,0.0,0.0,0.07680030140382238
ptsd,SBishop2014,2020/01/17,"I'm at a loss for words, but Ill try to explain My trauma comes from emotional abuse and neglect I suffered, primarily at the hands of my father, who has since passed away. Before he died, however, just seeing his picture or hearing his voice was enough to trigger me. This is where my little brother comes in...

I love my brother, he's absolutely nothing like my father was; he's smart, he's a good kid, I love that I can have such a good relationship with him, be his friend and a positive male influence he wouldn't have gotten elsewhere. But he's almost an adult now, and I just saw him on video chat after a few months of not seeing him in person, and...he's starting to look like and sound like my father, almost a spitting image. 

I suspected this might be the case, since pictures of my father as a child are a dead ringer for him, but I didn't expect it to have this effect on me. It wasn't my father in any sense of the word, but just seeing my brother's face and hearing his voice absolutely trending towards that resemblance, was enough for me to be overcome with a sense of dread and panic. 

I feel a million different things right now and am just totally at a loss of what to think. How can I be like this? I love my little brother, I've known him all his life. Why would that be any different to me now? Has anyone else had to deal with this?",6.559692387904072,5.412846689781027,6.943587069864442,80.13934306569344,65.67883211678833,9.726381647549532,31.61522419186653,8.634040054169528,2.263875703858186,1059,33,219,13,14,346,136,274,0.191,0.684,0.126,-0.9611,3,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,0,0,0,3,10,18,0,2,15,0,24,8,3,4,2,42,42,14,2,3,10,9,2,4,1,3,2,5,0,5,13,12,0,1,6,2,0,3,4,7,0,1,8,12,34,11,33,26,5,23,0,4,5,3,41,14,0,4,10,148,47,0,0.0,0.14209566410972418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401821423915927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311098787446113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385679713013917,0.12288092287453065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267677550801435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020503221175972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661557069136904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364101960050272,0.0,0.0,0.1244668508893006,0.2505995183839277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018487459766244,0.13490342290369856,0.0,0.2478364031137849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063945409939545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265646321065464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118067514909813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703362759619458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847090477255028,0.23436403317250595,0.2403997308620685,0.0,0.0,0.10070973698121327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32472046634266416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722518856169385,0.0,0.0,0.09572578617473672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507463223430292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071025715031127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471694215733653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875832924376882,0.0,0.10241828549718764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867024668841545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841219245324046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488601104006599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796751678153969,0.07684534163149488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142358059795046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821681944099723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519376696003543,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RageGio,2020/01/17,"Blank mind Sorry for my bad English

But i 10 min ago i was arguing with my girlfriend on the phone  lol  but the thing is i was on a moment i wasn't be able to think or respond on anything she said after a time even if i really tried to (what made the fight only worse actually lol

I have PTSD since im young .im now 20 
And i really don't know what actually happened
I've had this before also in a argument 

Anyone here know what it is ?",-0.20539712918660047,1.8788708526315787,2.807655502392347,90.31540669856459,87.84210526315788,5.980861244019139,18.110047846889948,7.348242739294969,0.3694210526315791,341,9,77,6,11,121,68,95,0.171,0.77,0.059000000000000004,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,6,2,9,0,0,1,0,11,15,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,1,10,0,9,8,0,11,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,7,49,16,0,0.1926277113472672,0.0,0.37595371878702416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075284361831924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404431116993436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346897745913833,0.0,0.15851619349410084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608360929100899,0.0,0.0,0.163911994655196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272287866296568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034004898160238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161419666725503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117263050131996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182268998019995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944990764728492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650205461670945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251714863698673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468044888070158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323306479329754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934363338630392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563095219025705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797329209857738,0.123428059465246,0.0,0.0,0.11232276755761184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078157158973616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19630409450864228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,traumateaparty,2020/01/17,"Not getting over it. Long time lurker here - I've been wanting to get this off of my chest for a  while.

I'll try to make this short and sweet - sometimes I feel bad for not wanting to get over my trauma. As fucked as that sounds, sometimes I just don't want to get over it at all. I'm terrified of doing so. But I'm scared that if I do, I'll lose all sense of myself.

Who will I be without this? I don't even want to find out. I don't even want to know. 

It feels so cruel to want. I don't want to get over it all the time because I'm just scared of who I'll be afterwards. My trauma made me into who I am today. I still have constant nightmares, I still have flashbacks. My heart races at certain mentions, and I cry whenever I hear certain names. 

I want to get better at managing my symptoms, but I don't want to completely grow past my trauma...",1.5098534798534793,2.82476551648352,3.1463956043956074,94.11527106227106,77.9010989010989,5.952234432234433,22.572893772893767,6.42735559955562,0.290341684981684,652,19,153,5,15,216,89,182,0.177,0.782,0.040999999999999995,-0.9348,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,2,2,2,0,14,4,2,2,5,33,39,10,0,10,8,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,12,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,2,5,22,4,29,34,3,22,0,1,0,1,6,11,1,1,10,99,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996159167543144,0.07272811509858214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055168749825084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250905610550855,0.12892790674359936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105255212010067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760159288048992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064986924211253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904394968595144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102969065326108,0.3739962298032162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446705956796193,0.14137873817920998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556771428998798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558246919780134,0.0,0.13347341948725727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289066406134428,0.07963799334728132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138915228383354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23889317388149114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599429362042584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055659778760356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400510114678175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913712103026754,0.0,0.1130885808537136,0.0,0.0,0.08100125980904296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6333304097949726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150071770082309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Alamoholo,2020/01/17,"Nightmares affecting sleep Posting for a friend. (I hope this is the right subreddit for this.) I'd like to understand a little better what she might be going through and any suggestions on things that might help her.

Brief background. She's an adult now, but was physically and sexually abused by multiple family members from roughly ages 4-9. She has almost nightly nightmares of the abuse. Previously they have been of the family member, but the past week it's been ""strangers"". 

Is there anything that someone would suggest that might help her get some sleep? She barely manages a few, unrestful hours.

As a note, I'm know that I'm not any sort of replacement for a professional, and she knows that I recommend she find one. Just looking for some insight, and possibly something that might help a little.

Tl;dr Friend has persistent nightmares of past abuse. Wondering if there is anything that can help her sleep.",6.135365738555922,8.425058251533745,5.588343558282208,77.32932043416706,67.71165644171779,9.18716375648891,32.78386031146767,9.661875296680813,3.4178724870221813,737,33,122,17,13,225,102,163,0.08900000000000001,0.76,0.151,0.7340000000000001,0,0,1,0,3,0,25.0,0,0,1,2,4,5,0,0,11,0,16,3,3,1,0,26,26,8,0,3,5,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,2,12,5,14,17,3,14,0,0,1,0,19,4,0,11,8,81,24,2,0.0,0.3931345062934207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107515472776872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042579023744254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203142078534965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781814602097576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085307303822456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108787807497638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090107638605706,0.0,0.05778478217228272,0.0,0.06285745015295148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965357412784105,0.0,0.0,0.10985236561907798,0.10892031789869036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215675170771096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403436542291999,0.2217037610956511,0.0,0.0,0.09287750609213244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693233675276376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379212915280664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749465209290577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21116352457174994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468670972314905,0.10592578001389796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445318020228044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332044489155172,0.0,0.0937123947412914,0.08514653151912477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347880260621299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514018826250952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871794915328547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994274026048934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856821839698022,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Starfire911,2020/01/17,"Rough Night I had a shitty night, I had nightmares and woke up almost in a panic attack and once I managed to calm myself down I was paranoid and I thought somebody was looking in my window at night, so once I woke up which was around 2 am I stayed awake until I thought the imaginary person at my window was gone. I thought that if I went back to sleep the man at my window would come in and kill me. Is there any medication for nightmares? I’ve tried Trazodone and I’m off it now because I was taking such a huge dose of it to work, now I’m on seroquel.",2.581538461538461,3.78423587179487,3.8013675213675207,90.96307692307694,74.8974358974359,5.883760683760682,24.96581196581197,5.82211442006289,0.5262068376068378,435,14,95,2,9,142,71,117,0.14300000000000002,0.816,0.040999999999999995,-0.9109999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,2,1,5,0,10,3,1,0,0,13,22,8,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,14,2,16,1,18,7,0,24,0,0,1,0,2,13,0,2,7,65,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292423612757982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743522104245095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373084233127,0.0,0.1964599713754012,0.0,0.13278806270788432,0.0,0.10527031011825527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487572697041593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105606031833192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501622947214896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739671541183821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48617401086423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678187388770976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026146781001036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078637447283616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281486070668656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406471842611474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984149819947946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112900586199981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724527342017638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600854954028501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572048298026106,0.0,0.0,0.12267412495951532,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,plantessi,2020/01/17,"My first triggered panic attack happened on Christmas It was all fun and dandy. My whole family sat there by the table, we were talking, laughing, till one of my sisters mentioned how one time police came to my house at night and how I'm a troublemaker.

My parents told the family that I was a witness in shoplifting. They lied to save our reputation. It all happened last year. The truth is, my friend staged an intervention as I was about to commit suicide and he wouldn't be able to help me as he lived far away. So he called the police, and thinking about it now, rightfully so.

I turned it all around. Claimed it was a mistake, I didn't take anything, look at my wrists! Not a single cut! I'm not suicidal at all! It must be a misunderstanding, I looove life. All the bullshit that had to be said. 

They believed me. My parents were pissed at my friend calling the cops on us at midnight. I couldn't talk to him anymore, had to cut all ties. It hurt, he wanted to save my life and he actually did as my parents checked on my every couple minutes each day from then on. I went to a psychiatrist without them knowing. I got on meds. I'll be starting therapy soon. It all turned around thanks to a friend that probably won't even talk to me anymore.

That's it, I just wanted to share my story. I was diagnosed with PTSD, but nothing ever triggered it. Now I know it's a long road till I fully recover from all the things that happened to me, not just that intervention. Thank you for reading my post.",2.153838383838384,4.472618643097644,3.3686430976430977,88.54407575757578,79.74074074074073,5.980202020202023,25.38821548821549,7.1686216300943375,1.156980336700336,1175,46,237,15,30,380,158,297,0.073,0.8170000000000001,0.11,0.7955,3,0,0,0,0,2,39.0,3,1,3,1,16,18,4,1,16,0,20,5,2,4,12,44,43,16,2,6,7,4,0,0,3,3,3,1,0,0,18,11,0,0,3,1,1,2,8,7,0,3,17,2,38,11,41,18,11,36,0,1,1,0,30,17,1,0,15,169,56,1,0.09872448379266288,0.0,0.09634085500364188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958163197243502,0.0,0.0,0.08124183829018422,0.1757714427630052,0.0,0.1123133526433846,0.09275490233448487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122868592090096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20161747202263208,0.11291450895623162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923676354688908,0.0,0.0636691247734994,0.0,0.0,0.1002032729154948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520659045227196,0.08930194767382765,0.08317963554738994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613731413134024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397499548061313,0.0,0.0,0.2288228738446222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895898834222156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619052049257114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617294046341765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391479929381157,0.10568660176838607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085127888482934,0.08047363087234571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946404506521173,0.0,0.0,0.0871755279053108,0.08736806147817723,0.0829037019892327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966064565191633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264624025947152,0.0,0.09472880481311202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379653045526202,0.0,0.0,0.11583191035236055,0.3288655679903639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455076550546078,0.0,0.10644169123248688,0.0,0.11540363845478012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987512000400547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431016973751912,0.09390959176613027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987769776057623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597712327411556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742285253984795,0.2380530013666847,0.0,0.18178448124715035,0.11290005114098715,0.0,0.06558816025646018,0.06325866289439969,0.0,0.0,0.0575670404207697,0.0,0.0,0.0943354750086968,0.0,0.0,0.21476777783448686,0.0,0.0,0.11875339837749542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646051680817525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151858555407727,0.0,0.1102223604999365,0.0,0.09516687938470726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357533075312959
ptsd,rickelpic,2020/01/17,"Coping techniques I'd been doing well for a while but my symptoms have come back with avengence of late. I won't go into detail, but I'm just wondering, what are your most affective techniques for dealing with the onset of panic and anxiety? 
I get hit with a huge drop of adrenaline frequently, in situations completely unrelated to my trauma. Its so draining, it's impossible to be present when you're hyper alert all the damn time. I am on medication but sometimes your mind runs away from you, you know?
I just wanted to reach out and see if you guys have any tips, collectively there is a lot of wisdom in this sub Reddit. 
Big love to you all, hope you're getting through. Remember you're worth something! Even when your demons say otherwise.",5.562340425531914,6.996346687943263,5.977085106382983,77.32350000000002,67.93617021276596,9.327943262411347,31.121276595744682,9.642632912329526,2.9695412765957445,597,24,108,13,10,192,104,141,0.105,0.73,0.165,0.852,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,7,0,0,9,7,1,1,5,0,9,3,0,1,2,25,21,10,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,8,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,3,1,0,1,2,13,4,21,17,4,20,1,0,1,1,11,8,1,5,8,72,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362677619912471,0.0,0.153292953386295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882670472045047,0.15408266756543013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261278211573813,0.21009845773831512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658675728509174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235151925936064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938438631672104,0.0,0.11388265327772285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984113302116652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902619077124115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110125620458978,0.0,0.2260414994687613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035902412325946,0.18085407896339986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186545860146088,0.0,0.0,0.20233037622732225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23510705294536416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269956272231098,0.0,0.0,0.159353131281189,0.0,0.0,0.15967983530225613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22523963246686646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426513330079578,0.19818456607153745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827535093674787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684532508306335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181914759411811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801689777543359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730753425453586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tara_messier,2020/01/17,"I was just diagnosed yesterday with ptsd from years and years of child abuse and sexual abuse. My parents trigger it the worst but won’t leave me alone Things kept getting worse for me since fall. Panic attacks and anxiety attacks are occurring more often, my nightmares won’t stop, I can’t shut my brain off, intrusive thoughts are getting gruesome, etc. so I finally got professional help. I didn’t think I had ptsd, I thought I could just talk to someone and feel better. That didn’t happen. My parents deny anything happened to me. They allowed me to sexually abused from the age of 6 to 16 by 4 different people. They physically abused me until 18 and emotionally abused me until last year. I cut them off last spring and my father has been continuing to try and “make peace” with me. I have tried time and time again to make things work. I had confronted them at least seven different times and each time they refuse to acknowledge anything I’m saying. They either act like it’s their first time hearing it or they blame me. I stayed in contact with them for so long only because I was afraid. I’m afraid my father is going to hurt me or my child. I jump at every sound I hear, I don’t trust anyone. They have given my number to people who call and tell me I have to talk to them and my father said he’s gonna show up at my house to see why I won’t talk to him. I live started away but he still knows where I live and it’s terrifying to think I will have to actually see him. I completely shut down once I hear his voice or my mothers voice. I have called the police but they can’t do much unless they actually make a threat so I could only create a paper trail. I’m so scared.",2.3595298672566365,4.492083082595872,3.5787306415929234,88.27349419247791,78.05604719764011,6.597382005899704,22.393160029498524,7.645422480735847,0.9252425516224188,1331,40,274,20,32,432,178,339,0.214,0.72,0.066,-0.9951,5,1,0,0,5,0,27.0,0,0,13,3,10,14,5,4,5,0,26,2,1,5,0,44,54,25,0,2,10,6,1,1,0,5,1,8,0,2,8,16,0,3,7,1,0,4,8,11,0,2,13,11,61,3,37,34,7,40,0,1,2,0,41,12,0,4,24,174,69,3,0.0,0.4702395064856453,0.1549195804418012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220987800806434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072262996608476,0.0,0.0,0.05550173419435811,0.0,0.13063981528667382,0.0,0.0,0.18060393452878812,0.07457661940531589,0.0,0.0,0.04838703798875522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020186115524538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886101696186952,0.16210409474932536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322450982818234,0.0,0.0,0.12675098679451507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056524409284588,0.0,0.16586261739753416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892876209938038,0.0,0.0,0.08852552420852748,0.0,0.0,0.06687793169271987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04013502755050955,0.0,0.0,0.08695282487514977,0.0,0.06751741546702568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294165080730129,0.0,0.04511136397191592,0.0,0.06348445498861117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038434840228267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683884785436174,0.0,0.05320424119552098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158955934137272,0.08497393968352868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043623122610630505,0.12940450996517422,0.0,0.08404800984050692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03877923650503656,0.0,0.14018140286769054,0.07024550190934603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895283155158774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835069225266942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453313793333167,0.0,0.12073846168251184,0.0,0.09313095131282403,0.17627591054316433,0.0,0.0,0.11005902365682957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557322591953349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550501059659359,0.06312319653950688,0.0794694944602199,0.0,0.1265052220328757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656608715294091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725525673675062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618293308118471,0.08460454341655319,0.06338999246480181,0.06636211669559539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139891945760826,0.0693783594059273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054681346610047,0.10172221862198833,0.0,0.1260317853374316,0.2314247094061165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778255507390712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162473828629408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057786870572499885,0.0,0.08089120133830735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533471479937239
ptsd,mr-ratburn-3000,2020/01/17,"I feel like i'm dying I got diagnosed recently and keep having panic attacks in which I feel like i'm dying, i've started to do a lot more drugs which can't be helping but I don't feel okay being sober anymore. Any advice is appreciated",4.801333333333332,4.7673930000000055,6.958000000000002,74.86233333333338,69.0,9.066666666666668,30.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.468666666666667,190,7,37,3,3,68,36,50,0.156,0.6809999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.3415,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,1,7,2,0,0,0,7,15,2,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,4,3,2,12,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212582824702138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793831635986612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574655787181524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474892722931751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080397843693908,0.4515555108365742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522835713208778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299924374690352,0.31082892170004073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399091119530147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581608059365028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933643267505759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125633651948286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849493000928838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552426272275697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479981499174625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539797375936144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Fryzot,2020/01/17,"Therapy and psychiatric appointments f*ck me up and interfere with my ability to work I have no idea why, because my mental health has improved otherwise and I have significantly more energy than before. Also mood wise I'm mostly fine now to the point where other people notice. 
But as soon as I'm confronted with my ""issues"" I fall into this deep dark pit again and need a several days to recover. 

I'm toying with the thought of ending therapy or maybe just taking a break at this point, because I have discovered so many other ways to make me feel better which I can't do when therapy drains my energy that much. 

I don't think it's because of what I'm talking about in  therapy but more the fact that I am in therapy, if you know what I mean? 

Has anyone of you been in a similar situation?",4.7122552447552435,5.8961569038461565,6.3550116550116575,74.75968531468533,69.7051282051282,10.544522144522146,28.925407925407924,10.637119530657019,3.312674358974359,631,23,117,19,11,217,101,156,0.021,0.8909999999999999,0.08900000000000001,0.7816,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,2,9,5,1,0,6,0,10,1,0,1,1,24,22,13,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,6,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,16,3,20,20,4,19,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,3,6,83,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171114987749136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893189074224966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259547678392126,0.0,0.10822650527290034,0.0,0.0,0.11248629140664758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202489302522313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264965614848868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430941189260933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351935037339608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357829156106322,0.0,0.13274986000620315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989847849184345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489810305875675,0.12894734071143998,0.12777612495173893,0.1385435912421362,0.0,0.0,0.12817426868430515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349685128715364,0.0943073189060338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480288931890611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817523640588143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24046506445428595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368475721601798,0.0,0.0,0.14296316824258554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562856214672756,0.10222784351075244,0.0,0.0,0.7272453210505085,0.0,0.0,0.08149609524696153,0.0,0.1009720248058346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095487430587807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476620491556512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259342495666532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NLLumi,2020/01/17,"‘Military PTSD’ on You Can’t Ask That, Hebrew edition (on the IPBC) I couldn’t make a link post, so I’m linking it in a text post because the description says ‘for discussion and links of interest’.

So, [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ex4cI62TuF4) it is; English subtitles available.",5.049863945578231,8.535555244897964,4.4521428571428565,77.68869047619049,78.18367346938777,8.164625850340135,34.697278911564624,8.841846274778883,3.965160544217688,233,13,35,6,6,70,41,49,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34462108629238825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471459870331265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460646710328437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7060949657927877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309109911034247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931509009198298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bordedlinebit-h,2020/01/17,how can my abuser be okay while i’m still broken my ex was really abusive when we were together and they’re okay now. i haven’t talked to them in 2 months and i just don’t understand why they get to be okay and i’m broken. they broke me. i was hospitalized 5 times because of them and i have nightmares every night because of them and i have to be on medication so i don’t wake up screaming and hyperventilating and they’re just...okay? fine? doing well? how is that fair?  i don’t get it,-0.8409765848086792,1.2368564271844669,1.6661450599657317,93.90859508852085,101.23300970873787,4.753626499143347,15.767561393489435,6.522977012572876,-0.2375957738435184,384,10,87,6,17,130,60,103,0.196,0.6920000000000001,0.113,-0.9145,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,1,0,5,0,8,7,0,0,0,3,15,2,1,2,0,12,20,12,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,1,16,5,8,14,0,10,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,7,57,18,0,0.0,0.5891737786847795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30312610508055154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209482206314928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597987043969418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25046941431356345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845476465274225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23332320090871075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927928285419726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985569102349925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984005146617267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449786424165437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25883347319225736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22354898479533825,0.0,0.22435066131950185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RainbowMinou,2020/01/17,"*TW* I still remember like it was yesterday *TW* January 14th marked 7 years since I was r*ped. It wasnt what everyone thinks of when they hear the word. It wasnt ""forced"". I was manipulated for a year and a half, and on january 14th, 7 years ago, I was convinced to take anxiety pills, that he was the only one who could love me and wanted to touch me, and so I let him. I thought that sex was just a requirement of love. I didnt realize I had been manipulated for months. Thankfully my parents came home early that day and caught him, otherwise I might not have ever realized what he did was wrong. I was 14, he was 19. He tricked me in so many ways. Made me feel special, convinced me I was his one and only. He used the fact that I had recently developed mental issues and wormed his way into my fragile state. He got me pregnant. He never knew, because I miscarried before the court date 3 months later. It was my first time having sex, my first time being pregnant, and my first miscarriage. At 14. I am now 21. I still have nightmares. I still can barely have sex without flashbacks. I still cringe every time I see his name. I still wince every time I see or hear someone that reminds me. And I still panic every year on that day. 
The worst part? Its not even the flashbacks anymore. Its the baby fever I get that reminds me of the baby I lost. Its the tear I wipe away every time I see my nephew or niece, the moments of sadness when I pass the baby isles in walmart. Its knowing that I had a precious thing growing inside me from such a horrible event, a beautiful star amidst all the blackness, and the stress he caused took that away too. 
But after all this, I have one thing I would like to say to you A.S.W.: 
You didn't get the best of me. 
You may have broken me then, but I am being fixed now and you will never see the woman I am becoming.
You will never know the child you lost, but you will have a stain on your soul that even you can't figure out. 
One day I will be whole again. 
One day I will go days, weeks, months, and even years without thinking of you, and I can't wait to never think of you again.
One day you will die and your soul will be weighed, and you may not have remembered me, but your gods will, and you will get what you deserve. 
So yes, some days hope gets me through, and some days its the knowledge of justice, but I am getting through and I AM DOING IT WITHOUT YOU.",2.3371878361200764,4.0802994866529785,3.3489806394837203,91.70443702943187,76.72073921971253,6.362941233988463,23.094211401192922,7.1686216300943375,0.6768449594211399,1858,56,404,21,42,595,215,487,0.063,0.857,0.08,0.8042,1,0,0,0,0,0,71.0,0,18,1,7,22,19,1,2,24,1,56,8,0,5,8,75,91,31,1,4,14,2,3,2,0,13,2,3,1,2,27,21,1,2,14,0,0,6,16,8,0,10,29,11,79,11,32,43,8,71,2,3,5,5,43,10,0,8,54,291,106,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059947375111630015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173457344924765,0.0,0.06706794632695143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707583964580604,0.0,0.0,0.0412248740250372,0.07468885781448421,0.05754571122021615,0.0,0.07097050630100134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773474267810877,0.0,0.06947169676980733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399476471743689,0.0,0.0,0.3489112612476111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018628955929884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400125530209278,0.06117261566259245,0.22791511311174975,0.06462062593676643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034194311607700825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725708203778296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666193510099906,0.0,0.038434059494859306,0.0,0.05408759800634714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244139308965735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783553074888098,0.06716900455842675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058515923782603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433220998648105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915332778748708,0.0,0.06607840471982494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764601388182447,0.0,0.1220722600098922,0.06399043063639692,0.0,0.06856330075968359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815224637412662,0.07174170359278394,0.0,0.0,0.16193800273922918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863286349104102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749553827567917,0.10286696767830772,0.0,0.07934587226842177,0.0750919306889529,0.0732335973821266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677363757277137,0.0,0.15321672248871854,0.0,0.0,0.05377981239528605,0.0,0.0,0.21556028467899294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594186521198291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730025233490025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32404270595155793,0.0,0.07746665507031944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050847189492295455,0.0,0.0,0.06226198025026255,0.0,0.0,0.0898569275115786,0.12999821303010828,0.0,0.05368839145406644,0.197169632366526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513623571354104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058408131707946224,0.0,0.0,0.03988823659588183,0.1073585445345424,0.05424640878244676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550328152879049,0.0,0.19557043563054904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04804037664472216,0.07393965623410732,0.0,0.2177482896559034
ptsd,amimalflossing,2020/01/17,"Should I reach out to the HR of my former employer to let them know I developed PTSD? It’s been over 6 months since the incident that made me quit my job with only two days notice. It had to do with workplace bullying. I’ve had to relive the incident in frequent waking nightmares and deal with debilitating intrusive thoughts. I just don’t know what my ex-employer would do since the main perpetrator doesnt work there anymore, but my boss who enabled the bullying is still there.",7.633913043478259,7.388824130434783,7.618608695652174,73.21334782608697,63.1304347826087,11.707826086956524,35.791304347826085,11.20814326018867,4.001262608695652,388,16,72,10,5,125,67,92,0.11,0.878,0.012,-0.8705,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,5,0,11,1,1,2,0,14,15,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,9,0,11,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,49,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363970307161891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372765728557572,0.2457469684373713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236543485338881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26200166681285514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24374745684640015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22554959000758326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902630844499274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271383577864988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128962529569886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27863946685299873,0.0,0.0,0.25353373729820805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943609892084541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036101373661327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18923758693606374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328509254917793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353476211494515,0.0,0.0,0.16932980678932755,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,deadplantbasket,2020/01/17,"how do you explain gaps in your employment history? do you disclose your ptsd to employers? basically the title.

i'm in the process of going back to work after essentially a year+ off, due to recovery. the gap in my resume will inevitably be discussed, and i'm curious of how i should approach that.

do you tell your employers about your ptsd? i do have an official diagnosis, if that matters. 

thanks in advance!",3.647368421052629,6.460944526315793,5.193947368421052,74.74513157894737,77.42105263157895,9.06315789473684,33.1842105263158,9.516144504307137,3.9648473684210535,328,18,55,10,8,110,52,76,0.0,0.905,0.095,0.7296,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,7,0,2,4,1,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,2,0,7,13,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,1,12,10,0,12,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,4,42,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572250366222307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011528112050494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7820713653458771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29238500326322786,0.3079808387136734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24353435978580676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541974928242094
ptsd,DylanEnglish,2020/01/17,"PTSD from subarachnoid hemorrhage It's hard to talk about, I live in a conservative area that doesn't recognize PTSD unless you're a veteran, and I completely get that, cuz I haven't seen shit compared to vets. But I was still in a life threatening event, not to mention past traumas such as the hell of opioid detox, rape and death of my dad when I was 6

So I don't wanna be another typical millennial complaining about mental health, I'm 22, but I also don't want to downplay what I've experienced. The hemorrhage has fucked my memory and psyche slightly, but otherwise I've made a decent recovery, this was all spurred by getting hit by a car, so that initial impact and the resulting brain bleed months later, have really stuck with me and I can't shake it but I'm slowly recovering",6.525686274509803,6.7467797385620925,7.390326797385622,72.35647058823533,65.33986928104575,11.76732026143791,33.33986928104575,11.429527900616536,3.9890339869281046,632,25,117,19,9,212,105,153,0.175,0.799,0.026000000000000002,-0.9619,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,4,1,8,0,11,8,2,3,1,19,21,16,1,2,6,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,6,3,11,0,17,13,1,11,1,0,1,2,4,3,3,0,6,72,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734266800607351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22740162254898014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420928073780122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273785877361953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048798748302196,0.22660578553130206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942682394023664,0.0,0.0,0.2305171119056245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317800213184735,0.0,0.0,0.19149556709158605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520269112524026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185486833440168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309939224274934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070219639250113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5070066272345265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892912627805498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22260857233993694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318848729793104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430768928669435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791246147763266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,2genesistic,2020/01/17,"Is it possible to have PTSD from hypothermia? And is it even PTSD? So I’ve experienced hypothermia I guess stage 1 and 2.. not sure. At least 2 times, meaning one of them was today. I feel absoultely terrified to go outside now, anytime I feel cold I think about the moment I was out there in -29 waiting for the stupid bus to show up. I began shivering in my arms and legs, snot running down my whole face and I couldn’t even feel it. Didn’t realize there was anything until I felt it in my mouth. My toes were numb, my face was numb, my fingers almost were. I cried a couple minutes ago having flashbacks about the fact if I will ever make it home. I prayed to God to bring the bus faster, but it didn’t work. Is this PTSD at all or some kind of trauma? I have to take the bus to go to school every morning and after, but I’m scared. I don’t want to and I’m horrified what might happen if I go out there again and might freeze. 😭",1.1406558704453431,3.0868580615384644,2.7541700404858322,93.59635627530369,81.2051282051282,5.951417004048582,20.006747638326587,7.0608816371341465,0.2476666666666665,722,19,164,9,19,237,115,195,0.131,0.846,0.023,-0.9649,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,11,7,1,1,6,0,19,9,7,1,4,35,38,14,0,4,6,0,6,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,8,9,0,1,7,1,0,5,5,5,0,1,10,8,21,2,26,24,4,26,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,8,11,107,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098216745969124,0.0,0.14796237779470986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215956007604057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349592978389316,0.16230970525994168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519091902527072,0.13365925987158955,0.12449592436953145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241388404827664,0.0,0.1418747678982014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519297837913882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277658871329914,0.0,0.13066551834810294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821741288457502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538714668960442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986323350333889,0.0,0.0,0.16095622182118716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31350443005503764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001274087512318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657954225938615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5181778887519739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793561824642107,0.1495431124517526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392640106374012,0.0,0.11109869408848257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467997376511693,0.0,0.0,0.0861612564570414,0.0,0.14006117339714144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715390249772549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497108416414438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757255325120928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,HunterRuu,2020/01/17,"I'm in so much pain. TRIGGER WARNING: self harm.

Has anyone ever felt this pain? It's not physical pain and yet it is. Its agony and anguish and you just feel it wrecking your whole body. I don't know how to explain it. It is so much emotional pain and hatred that I physically feel it.

I'm posting this, I suppose for help. I have a problem when I feel this pain, no one can see that I'm in pain so I self harm to essentially prove that I'm actually hurting so much... thankfully, so far I haven't cut myself, but I have another problem... I have celiac disease and can not tolerate gluten at all, it makes my PTSD worse, I get ulcers in my mouth as a reaction, and for days I'll be doubled over in pain as my immune system attacks my digestive tract.

If you've connected the dots, I've been abusing my celiac disease, it's so easy to eat gluten, because it's in so many different, delicious foods.

I just want to feel pain. I feel like on the outside I'm timid and calm but on the inside I'm just screaming in agony, and I don't know how to show that on the outside other than harming myself. Idk what else to do. I'm in therapy and I've been fine, recently I've brought up things in my childhood, that I can't do anything about and I grew up with it being normal. 

I'm rambling but idk what to do other than open up here, my next appointment is a week away and I'm just so scared that I'm going to have a breakdown before that...

I'm sorry for this post, but thank you for reading.",1.990961538461541,3.4814997628205155,3.84,88.905,77.01282051282051,6.851282051282053,25.461538461538463,7.61054688173877,1.218034615384615,1154,42,253,16,26,390,147,312,0.23,0.6729999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.9913,1,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,3,0,0,19,25,2,3,8,0,21,15,2,4,3,44,49,29,0,5,11,0,6,1,0,0,11,1,0,2,27,13,3,0,10,2,0,3,7,20,0,1,4,8,27,5,35,43,6,33,0,1,1,0,7,19,0,1,9,162,54,1,0.0,0.10194729965126836,0.08396589754433575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022395456826336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060163510817758135,0.0,0.07080634555225024,0.0,0.0,0.09788673206770683,0.0808405595513743,0.0,0.0,0.052451227438793664,0.0,0.07321655332422751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557476459085236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055490842460004006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989698719245247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804382763522678,0.07187817795232558,0.09678718745510237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783113600773829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753051497006728,0.061469386320113964,0.0826151092483967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040439601696719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04495409898466777,0.0,0.048900418585552566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767304368379043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211118559782204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457434969143168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042036434515812536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743460415776435,0.08723445170302939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975528722798066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150807869855272,0.0,0.0843042141131709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583052006730138,0.0,0.7324495259214581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481148914175453,0.0,0.0,0.16466373078306354,0.10058007148028043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860666343954493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495742762289371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861444035765864,0.0,0.06856540975481347,0.0,0.17952395848715005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631848567643207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584343124936088,0.09839806929776616,0.0,0.05716337834044785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075059704372554,0.0,0.06901878518920039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606432731454018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768552437904575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Neil_Perk,2020/01/17,"Not sure if anybody will understand this or be able to help, but asking for help from baseball people. Two years ago, I was struck in the face with a line drive while pitching. My baseball ability is a bit limited to pitching, and I love it a lot. I want to continue pitching and not give up, because I know I am able to get strikeouts, pitch innings and be a positive contribution to my team. But I have not been able to gain the confidence to throw strikes. My ability to throw the ball even *near* the plate is limited. I don't really have flashbacks, and to be honest, I only vaguely remember the incident. But I can't get the confidence to step onto a mound and throw strikes, specifically to people who are tall, or generally look comfortable in the batters box. I love pitching, and it is the thing I am really good at, or at least most of the time. Again, not sure if this is the right place for this, but maybe somebody can help.",5.753919523099853,5.9722599508196765,6.3735916542473925,78.99827123695978,66.97814207650272,10.370392449080976,33.57625434674616,10.230975488527342,3.292392349726774,733,31,146,17,11,240,101,183,0.08,0.65,0.27,0.9935,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,4,2,7,0,0,15,0,18,3,1,0,2,31,28,16,0,3,13,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,3,2,0,5,6,0,0,1,2,1,14,7,23,22,4,21,0,0,1,2,9,10,0,7,6,103,21,1,0.4755443208593927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051378257980096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818991541297633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966291347176928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305707782639435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469751298744114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563485352066967,0.15206181487878756,0.0,0.13295467142979112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187473342279827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711557406197587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311248687474064,0.0,0.0,0.13476359198960447,0.2861315440436559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924939593476878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205576282871222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21978837031324372,0.0,0.1656142002829359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203097245967196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795663379028649,0.13537075056129874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29879659638273953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531017206457614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243123923974594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484590072908228,0.1650194696619526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934961204571247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020783171001503
ptsd,ConfusionIn20s,2020/01/17,"I went back to college today I was so nervous. It took every coping skill I had ever learned to make it through today. I still have 14 weeks left... it was tough. 
But, I did it!  I did that! It’s going to be so so hard.  The classes are so hard. I can’t focus, and so many of these people make me paranoid but I did it. I went back to college & I’m staying! 

I pray for wounded souls like ours every day. Thank you for this sub. There is hope.",-1.8921874999999984,-0.028083343749999656,0.6726666666666681,101.639,101.1875,2.5600000000000005,15.775,3.1291,-1.3139824999999998,333,9,80,0,15,112,62,96,0.08199999999999999,0.7709999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.8845,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,1,10,5,0,1,1,0,11,1,0,2,1,8,20,8,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,9,2,13,3,8,10,0,14,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,9,55,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341325049520406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288716740179935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107500617965784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981910627683816,0.3163534891911598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669541531471652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363514319751881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864654666155156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397709004421372,0.0,0.0,0.09171894574210468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25063216722073234,0.1903361223365104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301533826987377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010294751807575,0.14992722403692665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284325227229702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559059553859395,0.0,0.2085830115268713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059151155108108,0.0,0.0,0.3480686549699664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,seagullsoars,2020/01/18,"My is Having a Dinner Party and I Really Don’t want to See the People Around My Age They were all bystanders to my bullying (trauma) on the schoolbus, and I’m just uncomfortable because of that fact.",7.522307692307693,6.653599820512824,8.353461538461541,69.90403846153849,63.61538461538462,10.876923076923077,32.32051282051282,10.125756701596842,3.1889897435897434,159,5,28,3,2,54,33,39,0.156,0.742,0.102,-0.4976,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,7,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,5,6,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107391649561104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34973899491560995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977504504830215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675445655299332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571865838908754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33839937915946555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,menjac21,2020/01/18,"Is it possible to heal PTSD? A little bit about myself first... at the age of 16 i almost died in a car accident by myself, at 25 i got hit by a family van at 45km/hr on the street. and at the age of 27 i got in another car accident at 70km/hr.   
So yes I've got some serious trauma and all my life i asked myself one question. how can i be happy in my whole being naturally like a baby does? 

  
and I've went through an amazing journey to discover really deep fundamental of life. I've always been a positive and resilient guy and that helped me a lot in my life.

  
but i wanted to create my dreams and one of dreams was to be happy again in my body. i knew that for that to happen i had to find a way to heal these past trauma.

  
My goal was, how can i be able to think and relieve a trauma and be free from the emotional baggage of it because i knew that your life is the reflection of what's inside of you.

  
So here's the step by steps way to do this. warning! trauma can take a while to heal but if you stay consistent with this you will see a really big difference over time and it can be rough to go through this but it is worth it.

  
so the first step is to think about the trauma and then really focus on your whole being (emotions, mental, physical and energical patterns) when you think about the trauma.

  
feel the feelings related to the trauma scale them from 1 to 10, 10 meaning it's the worst feeling ever.now take your two hands in front of you and do this. imagine all these feelings, these beliefs etc... imagine them going into your hands and push them into the universe take a breath wait couple of seconds. 

  
**it doesn't matter if you don't believe it will work. DO IT! for the sake of your happiness!!!**

  
then refocus on the trauma and see how you feel NOW thinking about the same trauma. 

  
scale on 1-10 again (sometimes you can feel the emotions spiking up it is alright just continue this process.)

  
see how you feel thinking about it and do it again

  
so see the trauma, see how it makes your body react, scale it, put it into your hands, send it to universe, take couple of breath. verify how you feel again.  
RINSE and repeat.

  
Did it work for you? if not comment below i'll help you.

  
Richer Morin",1.9127752976190453,3.9079437745535732,3.478035714285713,89.12529761904764,78.88839285714286,6.409523809523809,22.05059523809524,7.447530270364453,0.8157880952380956,1713,51,357,24,42,566,193,448,0.113,0.784,0.10300000000000001,-0.7751,0,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,19,3,5,24,21,0,0,30,2,30,14,7,8,2,67,67,36,1,4,8,0,12,1,0,2,7,0,0,1,30,20,0,1,22,2,2,13,3,12,0,6,11,17,42,10,63,46,10,58,1,0,5,0,29,25,0,7,18,254,72,3,0.08195811632617185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206921467528612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819571831118477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594023102779615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661977523251748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049960907004701384,0.0,0.0,0.0923387312782276,0.0,0.0,0.08947703606215528,0.18207398220725504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137019369324536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505958522875094,0.08562878766499743,0.0,0.0,0.07172209990303254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765755488182061,0.0,0.0,0.09140496435331524,0.0,0.07413580840773383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772628179867543,0.0,0.33152388944297434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490823352565293,0.13942706375743727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315737246739074,0.0,0.1966481779273558,0.0,0.0,0.08115142059960327,0.07247529159639798,0.2617378165025713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986959554097342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23155776540251874,0.04004059577260547,0.08214356372853601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967785965053615,0.0,0.0,0.05470767906292291,0.0,0.0,0.08927641552431356,0.0,0.0,0.08259450450209509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107388143067223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823829578749565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239546172449553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580465211450696,0.08239054389142729,0.09181184728138644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751340392816546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265500377943364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081058672710192,0.0,0.0,0.08735644712933116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24648921465541926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262577258090592,0.0,0.0,0.04779043671950325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006117067059274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834102047074916,0.13010907580682474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597599493759237,0.0,0.18300661997020065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193329696038149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Beeata,2020/01/18,"I really feel that I need to talk about my traumatic event again. Um.. so I believe and my psychiatrist thinks that PTSD from school bullying is rare.. and I’m trying not to talk about it specially when it’s hurts and after few hours I’m having a panic attack and the next day I’m stressed and having anxiety from school and trying not to panic again.
So here I’m going to blame myself: maybe I was young but I don’t needed to believe this girl she manipulated me and used fake stuff to make my class hate me and bullied for four years everyday, it’s my fault for forgiving them it’s my fault for talking with them it’s my fault to say hello to her when she moved to my school.
when I remember that they wanted to drown me and choke me and they only was 10 so I am, I feel how they put hands on my throat and wanted to choke me but I broke the manipulative bully arm and ran away.
I had low grades because of it, my parents thought I just don’t want to study and move school for being unnoticed by teachers.
The teachers also thought that but they thought I’m out of reality ""somewhere in space"", THEY SEEN ME CRY but they never done something about it.
But they noticed that I’m alone all the time so they sent me three times a week to therapy and said I have depression and I’m not diagnosed by an actual professional, I was depressed I knew it.
I really want to break something but nvm.
I saw my horrible bully on a bus I remembered what she done for me and I wanted hurt her but I knew it’s not ok.
I’m dealing with it by talking about it.
My ptsd result: social anxiety, panic attacks, passive aggressive behavior. 
It’s hard to have friends for me I even don’t remember what a friend is lol.",1.9653996865203744,4.017415106321842,3.6457157784744014,87.70722570532915,78.97126436781609,7.091745036572622,23.189132706374092,8.101407402915765,1.26834367816092,1339,44,282,25,33,446,164,348,0.294,0.654,0.052000000000000005,-0.9985,1,1,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,10,0,18,23,4,4,9,2,17,4,3,6,2,58,49,32,1,7,12,1,4,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,21,19,0,0,12,0,0,6,8,18,1,2,16,8,56,5,40,32,2,31,0,6,2,0,30,7,0,0,17,189,77,7,0.0,0.0,0.08267014529902633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773974910802293,0.0,0.0677469856023482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296143102871644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192752310153328,0.07959303716890404,0.0,0.0,0.05164180602235294,0.0,0.0,0.1908908038267472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305604120424232,0.054634514047940085,0.08733800043793448,0.14593073850277324,0.08598448841925682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338681716562573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595381426643607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566944345495471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090202993500244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814579285020158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588848274773266,0.08363905564402492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834277408639398,0.0,0.18137947237488244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565482798347666,0.0,0.0851081450544585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800784213184244,0.0,0.12563099687337276,0.06533784590675082,0.0,0.09009593636570867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644920217382473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442998452493177,0.0,0.2981862946534402,0.09406658019446497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805586235937656,0.08516251487021369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085418865702792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878985727404881,0.0,0.08058387686080594,0.06736919651832432,0.0,0.3429465911932845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635682311164602,0.0,0.1304363208643598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704136322920763,0.0,0.09697902366880966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723645637994971,0.0,0.0,0.09687960140835462,0.0,0.0,0.05428229646399192,0.0,0.20176402446536396,0.09879662363054696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503257965519198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316702547005734,0.0,0.0,0.2498370978171097,0.0,0.06795369509318594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054554029342963585
ptsd,dootdootba,2020/01/18,"Depression? PTSD? I don't even know... Hi, guys. I've had depression since I was 12 and PTSD for 4 years. I've been through a lot of shit. But of late, my PTSD and depression has been so intertwined, that it's becoming increasingly difficult to separate the two. Anyways, I had about two weeks that were... normal. And by normal, I mean that I was happy. I barely had any depression (just a little), and the PTSD was ""quiet."" Not even really a white noise, ""it's in the background but there"" kind of feeling, if that makes sense. I felt like I could deal with life. But today has been weird, and I'm wondering if anyone has felt like this or knows what it is? I'm not happy, but I don't feel (mostly) depressed. And I'm not dealing with PTSD stuff. I'm missing some people who aren't in my life or who across the country... I feel like I should be happy, but I'm not excited about anything and am just tired of existing. I'm not suicidally depressed.... just... tired of existing and I don't want to anymore. (I'm NOT suicidal!) It's a weird feeling.",0.7577142857142858,3.132331723809525,2.6888571428571453,90.74614285714287,86.5238095238095,6.407619047619049,21.25714285714286,7.699297019823105,1.0086228571428566,802,27,171,16,25,267,104,210,0.152,0.7170000000000001,0.131,0.3114,0,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,0,0,10,19,1,0,8,0,22,5,1,1,0,47,42,18,2,7,18,0,6,3,0,1,4,1,0,1,13,10,0,0,10,0,0,1,10,11,0,2,12,8,14,8,17,27,4,9,0,7,1,0,6,4,1,8,7,110,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060339586177662274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799652680630367,0.062042226620699886,0.0,0.07301740336003862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979955468856118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084385345117765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295390284854435,0.4585392043688764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721093507953388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945864293154778,0.06338888047707134,0.1703898346560588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785685904711915,0.0,0.2833648786658401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239886059765873,0.09752760695489887,0.0,0.10009154283901288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534554420563296,0.13004729749513486,0.0889309816981974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543525238117682,0.0,0.0,0.05922810485279105,0.0,0.0,0.09665321194623673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738735351709402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061514356141182565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5186043420245234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684284524205618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108028651780893,0.07339854746294333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157486309329168,0.1941128987052014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039646496370199,0.08410586508940135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733530463122417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052335377376169716,0.0,0.07117402315108674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622412886658474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713934675835615
ptsd,OnlineVirtualRep,2020/01/18,"War Damage - Bringing The Battle Home - PTSD Ted is a friend of mine and has firsthand knowledge of the long term effects of PTS (PTSD). He writes about his experience putting an emphasis on the effects on families, marriages, co-workers, etc. I'm not a vet, but was really shocked from what I learned about PTSD and thought the least I could do is support his book and the many vets out there that may benefit from it. Thanks Here is a link to his book. [https://www.amazon.com/WAR-DAMAGE-Bringing-Helping-Survival/dp/1695460545/ref=sr\_1\_1?keywords=War+Damage+Kilpatrick&qid=1579372040&sr=8-1](https://www.amazon.com/WAR-DAMAGE-Bringing-Helping-Survival/dp/1695460545/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=War+Damage+Kilpatrick&qid=1579372040&sr=8-1)",20.639583333333334,25.54578257954546,10.914090909090907,42.936969696969726,35.70454545454545,8.593939393939394,33.984848484848484,8.841846274778883,2.7266984848484843,649,17,72,6,6,155,65,88,0.10099999999999999,0.7559999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.7287,0,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,2,0,9,0,8,0,0,2,0,15,13,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,0,6,4,11,9,3,7,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,46,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6613974458088524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184408068806245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019687794783475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927869489906384,0.1438640723272756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790360475381652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307702376958424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350521809584236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471930276427262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5351674101553141,0.15341194476639358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776379861924367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731763435622516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049980188100833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115272164949407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109953932210308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SRV1981,2020/01/18,"CPTSD vs GAD What’s the general thought in differences between the two? Most significantly, does the treatment and way to see oneself change.   I personally go through bouts of impending doom and extreme anxiety but feel it’s mostly related to childhood trauma that’s been compounded by a traumatic event/s 2 years ago. I am currently in IFS therapy and curious thoughts.  Some close to me suggested taking lexapro or an anti-anxiety but I wonder if there’s other things to do beforehand?  Personally, I’ve found EMDR to be hokey and didn’t feel anything but sadness and depression constantly going to the past.",5.495871559633027,8.294729458715599,6.415128440366974,68.48342660550459,70.92660550458716,10.965504587155962,37.50550458715596,10.793553405168565,5.313626788990826,497,29,76,18,10,164,85,109,0.187,0.7859999999999999,0.026000000000000002,-0.9599,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,23,15,11,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,5,3,5,0,12,9,3,12,1,3,1,0,3,3,0,7,6,49,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795388577012894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30714833991681123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520118782220106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123682220720748,0.0,0.0,0.21694080169244093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290677231030954,0.0,0.0,0.2097423465368829,0.0,0.0,0.17567878680085522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301174523467916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201134026934012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281831429748005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191639800060184,0.0,0.3505765264336668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997276863628698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093996916119545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295765697356432,0.0,0.1333702216675374,0.0,0.0,0.31874816410920337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961048177937028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934701173296953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770618584632084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927723421388007
ptsd,bayhippie,2020/01/18,"Tying not to sound like the person who can’t get over their ex while explaining trauma/triggers to current BF I (F26) have been with my current boyfriend for over four years. I love him as he has always been a source of love and support. I know that I should be able to tell him anything and I want to be able to come to him with what my triggers are, however I feel like I would just always be bringing up an old relationship. He knows I have had bad relationships before and is understanding of my actions, but I don’t want to do him a disservice by being guarded when he has never given me a reason to doubt him. Does anyone have any experience or advice on how to deal with these feelings? Will I always be worried?",6.1483333333333325,5.748203833333335,6.671666666666668,79.29,66.22222222222223,9.144444444444442,31.19444444444445,8.472884824447931,2.2205027777777766,568,19,113,7,8,186,94,144,0.084,0.846,0.069,-0.4802,3,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,1,5,0,21,2,0,3,1,27,36,9,0,4,4,1,2,2,1,3,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,4,3,20,5,21,24,0,14,0,0,0,2,20,4,0,2,9,83,24,0,0.3178431183627827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529630834304914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967064045387631,0.0,0.0,0.10807210989582017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112164928992938,0.0,0.1307789022118754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326928637585001,0.0,0.0,0.13523054173744758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689685135823654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163841149293768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390733273931241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545577953573828,0.0,0.0,0.1607110307613679,0.11353359363321495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830299554268127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467826553653268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528209275601124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868658237462701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257010364404375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676144287714667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876417558689624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633978311867754,0.0,0.3412445596551629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034230205336207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890444747580175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544294777763507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874721062416064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139255758476215,0.0,0.11289331596017417,0.0,0.0,0.1023402736648282
ptsd,incementiii,2020/01/18,"Trigger: being called by my own name I know this must sound super weird and like... wtf? Ever since I was a child everyone called me Evita but my birth name is Eva. So like in normal interactions everyone would call me by my regular name but if I had done something bad or my parents were angry at me they would call me   Eva, especially my dad. It’s also something my abusive ex used to manipulate me. So every time I hear the sound of my birth name I just instantly get a sinking feeling and freeze in fear, which is really bad in some formal settings.",4.136077981651376,5.439169339449542,5.420997706422019,80.4643405963303,71.20183486238533,8.385779816513761,27.386467889908253,8.841846274778883,2.088145871559633,434,15,84,8,8,145,74,109,0.21899999999999997,0.7090000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9706,1,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,0,1,3,0,10,0,0,3,2,22,15,9,0,5,5,3,2,2,0,3,0,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,18,3,8,7,2,9,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,3,6,55,21,0,0.0,0.18543212626169986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515651487043306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613492793225958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6392339765270882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015834186557906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156719293838504,0.13186170985980672,0.2990933286308238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761109646601475,0.07913332879965156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176709130521985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763918370464294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601072717516325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292029233519475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334108631912546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377961894899815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002607283542896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294620597798105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24096947173010416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125897620850408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516955521857454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223524757158586,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,-SecondHandSmoke-,2020/01/18,"I used to love the movie ""you again"" but now it is like pulling teeth watching it. A movie about bullying, with the same name as the highschool I was bullied at, and an unsupportive family/ no friends. I fucking hate that movie now. It came on cable a few weeks ago and me and my parents were watching it, it had been a few years since I had seen it so I completely forgot it was basically my fucking life. I'm glad I smoked right before watching it, even then it was hard to not cry I just had to sit there and try to numb it out. Why does a movie have to be the same fucking basis as my childhood torment even down to the name.",3.5090683760683774,4.268131530769232,4.294102564102566,90.00311965811967,72.15384615384616,7.316239316239318,28.290598290598286,7.3871296695380915,1.3132649572649573,489,18,110,5,9,157,80,130,0.161,0.7190000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.8054,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,9,9,4,0,10,0,11,7,1,1,0,16,21,9,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,11,5,12,4,14,9,4,16,0,0,4,4,6,5,3,0,9,78,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428986349713155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730731136668298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487844430931245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061500781244002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597547912558854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720616081989618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597284752007438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853538133261283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190646554409526,0.5453101106940712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613097666149505,0.1941194239789617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887700429847108,0.09605755145476087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745528886203765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21832085767129092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791057221332426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264431984578887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349061589431713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981469636567095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771498192033462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741703043781956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266154510024529
ptsd,CaroPBbby,2020/01/18,"Do the nightmares go away? I get incredibly emotional nightmares (of dread and panic) fairly often that seep into my mood the following days.  They really suck, but for now I’m ok living with them.  Has anyone out there had their nightmares decrease or increase in frequency/severity?  I’m wondering what works and doesn’t work for people out there with ptsd.  I was thinking of reaching out for treatment sometime in the coming months, but I don’t want to be put on medications for it.  Ty for reading!",5.619689440993788,7.512559478260869,5.953105590062113,75.79065217391306,68.34782608695652,8.735403726708075,31.62111801242236,9.23628265651192,3.0558552795031053,400,17,66,8,7,128,69,92,0.043,0.8,0.157,0.8690000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,2,4,5,1,2,3,1,7,1,0,0,0,16,17,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,1,0,5,2,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,18,14,1,16,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,3,3,47,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613639871503134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682170530549816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879314161233225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883146724597696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595920061933992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057096655959662,0.0,0.13115535328691252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037794892303953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324826018474779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420324957417356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707659832450178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159991062774233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697648648045827,0.2319936813452653,0.0,0.0,0.230838511547746,0.0,0.14784105356667054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607112603093061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22824342453400284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787198109107416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611769954783395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502667931134049,0.3360154408099765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,GrayWasTaken,2020/01/18,"TW Why am I still thinking about it? TW So, my dad has (until recently) always been the type of parent who would rather spank their child than actually discipline them. So when I was eight, my older brother and I got in an argument while cleaning our room. (My brothers and I shared the room) One thing I remember vividly is that my brother got a ""don't pick on your brother."" For me, my dad took his belt, bent me over his knee, and started swinging. He kept going. And going. My sister and Mom were screaming at him to stop. And he kept going. I don't even remember him stopping. I just remember being in bed in my room, and my mom came in and told me to stop crying, then she left. My dad came in a few minutes later, screaming at me to shut up, or he would ""give me something to cry about."" So I took something, it was either a sock or a washcloth, and put it in my mouth to muffle the sound, and quietly cried myself to sleep. My dad and I have a decent relationship now. He acknowledges his mistakes, and is genuinely trying to be better, and I'm trying to forgive him for this, and other verbal abuse incidents. The problem is, anyone can do the smallest thing that reminds me of him, and I panic. I hyperventilate, tears come, but I try not to make sound, because I'm terrified all over again if I do. I start picturing what he did. I see a belt, and the same thing happens. I visibly flinch when people do that thing to snap the sides of the belt together. A little while ago, my little brother was procrastinating cleaning, so he took off his belt, and put it on the doorknob as ""a reminder of what will happen if you don't start working."" And I had to go to the bathroom to calm down. Now, he know about my anxiety, and if I have a panic attack, he'll ask what's wrong and try to calm me down, but I don't trust it. I don't trust him. I'll be quiet. I hardly even breathe when he's near, because I don't know if he'll react to me hyperventilating. What do I do? How do I stop this? 
Tl;Dr sorry I can't sum this up in a tldr.",2.564800523217791,3.924823278177456,4.335783736647045,86.48391105297583,75.21103117505996,6.973010682363203,24.86657946370177,7.5764669431780325,1.1408215827338128,1565,51,333,20,33,530,194,417,0.141,0.8320000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.991,1,0,2,0,1,0,69.0,1,2,2,2,19,15,1,2,21,0,34,4,4,4,1,60,65,41,0,9,12,13,1,0,0,5,0,6,6,1,21,23,0,7,8,0,0,12,8,8,0,2,17,9,62,7,46,40,4,62,0,0,2,0,46,28,0,6,22,238,83,3,0.0,0.10305923035013442,0.08488170658936943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710413301974177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237584011736747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654085229791022,0.0,0.0,0.060819709214956136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131625766815646,0.098954374494432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604661720816212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692834906489768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989680539692796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492713386864375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866363264741885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490134021031262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344088520269337,0.1977350854987068,0.0,0.13913461076932598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538354678839179,0.0,0.07791862349831065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956058642397024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450599920507273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743572641308255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806103859750623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203744106750286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894113063637368,0.0,0.0,0.20410884308310406,0.0965830147153014,0.0,0.0,0.06030224021334085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832298521840894,0.0,0.17488150222741722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588405120383928,0.09338591994464608,0.29560032936272285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931324696332711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704463471541438,0.0,0.0,0.13392570529733705,0.0,0.09736902337049824,0.1846985343309332,0.0,0.06946379180417417,0.29088277682864755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23114741817123965,0.05573443647386446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311485413280068,0.28991999911280275,0.2362197777490848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848756112583882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332379907903878,0.0,0.0,0.12357877502511508,0.09510096278765284,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Wissam6990,2020/01/18,"Nightmares after Car crash please help me :( I crashed my car 1 week ago and the car flipped while im inside it hitting my head several times against the wheel. Rushed to the ER and checked out with no serious injuries or broken bones just minor wounds. Anyway I'm recently experiencing headaches and nightmares and it's really scaring me, I see deformed people in my sleep coming closer to me while i am unable to run away and this is my second nightmare and worst ever. What am i going through exactly and does this have anything to do with the car accident?",6.136711590296493,7.206950622641512,6.123261455525607,78.13292452830191,66.35849056603774,8.698652291105121,34.01078167115903,8.841846274778883,2.944810242587601,450,20,79,7,7,142,75,106,0.19399999999999998,0.763,0.043,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,5,4,3,0,2,15,10,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,3,1,1,0,2,11,0,12,9,1,20,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,8,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419288564087145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812656519903766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762090610621955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21786290432070754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22132663183116866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22877507483953055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437367806180021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25956259608289345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952283574109533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731903796376283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533863250334952,0.0,0.0,0.2776234804466403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202310123293534,0.0,0.2497219346852279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532109048656422,0.0,0.20153960937305296,0.0,0.0,0.2857206838194757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530965211865847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747611136830407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287225083574414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nyminute917,2020/01/18,I'm in a dv shelter inpatient is free my ptsd is flaring up feel hopeless Never been hospitalized but this blows I'm so depressed does it help or hurt I'm tired of seeing happy dv victims I just sleep all day every day,4.2575362318840595,4.7664120000000025,5.78130434782609,80.92384057971016,70.30434782608695,7.872463768115942,30.55072463768116,7.793537801064563,2.0156898550724645,176,7,35,2,3,60,38,46,0.306,0.524,0.171,-0.8595,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,2,6,8,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,2,3,3,7,1,5,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,1,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757387589329971,0.0,0.25090291151438865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25492534798200017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454393172535323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472939355422843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101024837169038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952574235402442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118509381554099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467447144140534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405231345931703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321345363027686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915180979473866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348153698899778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CompSciGuy11235,2020/01/19,"Should I return to the scene of the trauma or not? Last year I had a severe, prolonged medical crisis. I was in and out of the hospital over the entire year and have severe PTSD from a lot that happened. My condition is lifelong and requires annual checkups to track growth (not cancer but behaves similairly). It's my first progress checkup since the initial crisis coming this week. I need to undergo a series of tests and scans at the hospital thatost everything happened at followed by a visit with the doctor that treated me. All of this over the course of two days. Now my wife and I are in the middle of a cross country move. We're moving in about 4 weeks and am wondering if it would be best for my PTSD to get my checkup after we move. The scans and tests can be done anywhere and in today's day and age my doctor can review them and consult with me remotely. Also it's not going to hurt me to wait the few weeks. I'm non symptomatic. I'm just thinking more in terms of what would be best for my PTSD. Should I get everything done at the original hospital this week and face my fears? Or would it just do more damage to my fragile mental state and early stages of recovery? I don't want to feel like I'm running away but I don't want to cause more harm by going. Not sure what to do. Any input would be great. Thank you.",3.7057835820895515,5.005979951492538,4.694208955223882,85.2742985074627,72.24626865671641,7.598805970149255,26.086567164179105,8.07648339933343,1.5316367164179097,1049,34,210,15,20,342,143,268,0.11900000000000001,0.758,0.12300000000000001,0.7404,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,1,5,5,12,0,1,17,0,24,8,1,2,2,47,43,18,0,10,11,1,2,1,0,6,7,0,0,0,11,17,0,2,3,0,0,11,6,5,0,2,4,4,23,7,39,29,9,45,0,2,2,0,6,13,0,5,20,149,34,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376458655468806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123023258975672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841143176788188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984695620631392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760202986683964,0.0,0.09022859433810024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510379657935284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442201446151649,0.0,0.21438112596124895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827621166635944,0.0,0.0,0.11786731324195347,0.05296224951982053,0.0748298917180445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909609443765301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094499412044466,0.0,0.11905806277836825,0.0,0.0,0.11548179831678895,0.0,0.0,0.18525142107856155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213175300646053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538120395134309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051173145387358884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905050420394517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551962810502144,0.1055583840731536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33398226596452235,0.0,0.07766713469231185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673241092078275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366642063708292,0.0,0.08664619595073116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872097934417692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643517820870276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711640496057268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928606926208228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232070346494247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356270035399468,0.0,0.3360806756926324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113591549331025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29763154106730794,0.0,0.0,0.13490476874139398
ptsd,TheGhostOfKyle,2020/01/19,"I thought my PTSD was at bay, was groped and it feels like it’s flooding back. NSFW and trigger warning. Hello.  I’m a 38 year old gay male.  I’ve struggled with cPTSD for most of my adult life, none more so than in my 30’s.  I’ve had years of trauma just stacked on top of each other.  A lot of it is the result of a very sexualized and sexually abusive childhood.  I’ve experienced a lot of violence, including some gun violence in which I witness someone take a bullet to the head, and a handful of suicides that really haunted me.  I’ve been a mess for most of my thirties as a result.  The symptoms have ranged from dizzy spells, to panic attacks, to disassociation and an incredible amount of social anxiety.  

I’ve worked really hard at managing it.  I was in intensive therapy for five plus years.  Some of that included some MDMA assisted therapy, which was incredibly helpful.  I had a breakthrough last year, which was triggered by a coworker grabbing my ass.  The disassociation was intense.  I suffered incredible flashbacks of the abuse, repressed memories came roaring back.  It was awful.  My employer was incredibly kind about it.  I was in another world for a few days.  I was exhausted from the experience, which was not the first and unfortunately not the last.  

Desperate, I finally came out to my parents, sister, and ex (he was front row for the worst of my PTSD and I felt like he should know) as a survivor of sex abuse.  I detailed the worst incident in an email.  I spit it out.  It was the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my fucking life.  I told my best friend, who just fucking hugged me and had the best conversation with me about it.  I balled my eyes out.  I kind of felt my soul collapse.  The relief of having this weight off of my shoulders.  It was a huge breakthrough.  

As soon as I came out I noticed the symptoms abating.  It was at this time I started going to the gym on a regular basis and I have to say, nothing has helped me manage my anxiety more than the gym.  I go five times a week.  It’s really opened up my world.  I still deal with some social anxiety but I’m working on that.  I’ve shed a lot of weight (30lbs.) and gained a lot of muscle.  With that I’ve received a lot of attention from men, which has been mostly rewarding.  

I got back into the dating scene last year.  I met this guy, Dan, who I kind of fell for right away.  We dated for a few months but realized it wasn’t going anywhere and became really great friends.  In the course of us dating, my PTSD came up as I was dealing with my family’s shock from it all.  I opened up about some of the abuse, because you know, emotional intimacy and I had just moved and didn’t know a lot of people.  He was very sweet and kind about it.  I really felt like I could trust him.  

Recently he started referring to me as one of his best friends and that he loved me.  This was a source of discomfort on my end as I didn’t feel the same way.  We were becoming close and great friends, but I didn’t want the best friend title from him.  I wanted to create some distance from him as this plus his drinking were becoming a lot for me to deal with.  

Well, right before New Year’s I met up with him.  I’d been with a friend at a bar down the street from the bar he was at.  I had one drink before I met up, he’d had several.  He said some hurtful things to me that I don’t think he fully grasped.  He was a mess.  Everything was coming out of him.  After a drunken insult from him I was ready to go.  I’d had enough.  He started asking me to spend the night with him, something I’ve done before on a platonic level.  Our relationship has never been sexual, not even when we were dating.  I told him no.  A few minutes later he asked again, I told him no.  I ordered an Uber.  He asked me for a ride home, as he’s kind of scared of being on his own at night after a recent assault.  I said that would make things difficult but ok.  As we were waiting for the car he again asked me to spend the night, asked me if I’d sleep with him, and I told him no.  No.  No.  I’m sleeping in my own bed tonight.

We get in the car and he asks again.  I’m like holy shit he is on one tonight.  We’re not far from his place and he grabbed my dick.  I gasped and pushed his hand away.  The driver looks at us through the rear view.  He puts his hand on my leg.  My heart is beating out of my chest.  He leans his head on my shoulder and not knowing what to do I put my arm around him.  He grabs my dick again and start hitting his hand away.  He grabs my leg, I hit his hand away.  The driver is looking at us now.  I’m visibly upset.  Dan barely notices.  I open the door to let him out.  He can barely stand.  He asks me again - do you want to spend the night - I snap at him ‘Dan, go inside, I’m going home.’  

I was shaking and at this point the disassociation had arrived.  I started having flashbacks of it all all over again.  Every incident, every fallout, came roaring back.  I could barely sleep that night.  I told my sister and she was like this dude Dan needs to not be in your life.  I agreed.  It’s about three weeks after and I’m still dealing with some residual PTSD stuff.  Definitely some painful memories.  It’s on a daily basis.  Not helping things is all of my friends ask about Dan.  How’s Dan?  I think people thought we were dating.  We spent a lot of time together and people always saw us out.  I feel like I’m coming out as a survivor all over again.  I’ve told my friends but none of our mutual friends.  Luckily for me my friends have been supportive.  It’s still awkward as fuck telling someone about this.  I have lots of hang ups about being molested and groped.  

Dan was horrified when I told him.  He doesn’t remember anything, not even how he got home.  He blames the alcohol.  That ain’t cutting it with me.  I work hard to manage my PTSD and anxiety.  I can’t be around unpredictable people whose drunken behavior violates me and triggers me.  

I’m annoyed that I’m dealing with this again.  I’ve had some days when I just wake up crying, or start crying randomly walking down the street.  It’s creeped back in a very odd way.  I’m still going to the gym and that’s helping some.  But the intrusive thoughts and flashbacks aren’t helping.  I’ve been debating whether or not to open up about my past to some of my newer friends.  It would give them some context about why I don’t want to talk to Dan.  The thought of it makes me feel awkward.  I also think maybe I should go back to therapy, belying still have some abuse issues to work though but man I really don’t fucking want to.  I’m just wondering what some of you’ll, would do or if you’ve been through something similar.  

I know progress isn’t linear, especially with trauma and PTSD.  I really thought it was behind me.  I still have work to do.  Thanks for reading.",1.857566975699772,3.960236011005136,3.301755652637897,89.78194226750263,79.57226705796037,6.566106405211321,23.82539073789991,7.659087632935157,1.1032715089263878,5245,184,1116,83,132,1717,457,1363,0.131,0.728,0.141,0.9813,3,0,5,1,4,1,167.0,13,4,1,15,52,71,12,9,75,2,96,46,24,9,7,194,197,68,1,15,27,4,20,6,11,6,8,4,4,5,60,81,7,2,26,9,4,28,29,33,1,7,82,31,162,38,192,99,51,185,1,2,5,11,136,77,8,34,82,740,222,10,0.0,0.1938745576128948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034974098920695584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02617093859845217,0.027230620560515215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034316022764395715,0.10014108010404324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026930676863607315,0.05826608588043813,0.2447548413251574,0.03723050427174805,0.12298846775786335,0.15098546033389204,0.0,0.01994944162471092,0.07228650392389124,0.08354214540786375,0.0,0.13737550505727492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714890122572286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056381034023378976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225803266815615,0.0,0.0718958613115577,0.042211074036491235,0.1686951401933333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698003911874954,0.0,0.06411796430834481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03681230050161674,0.028985487213052063,0.033814665151888974,0.0,0.04323037621515485,0.0296025046541222,0.055146065960696836,0.0,0.029411982901942156,0.032012268756274866,0.030851122799719726,0.0,0.06618891525545538,0.046758865101141314,0.0942661619040222,0.03584968983539835,0.0,0.027836685081318688,0.0,0.0,0.2781239529050905,0.12101849169477033,0.01709796352301974,0.031393723105713874,0.14879133909837006,0.0,0.05234787999076145,0.07216097344465132,0.0,0.032403845828135304,0.0,0.0,0.05863206472323896,0.0,0.0671725533384217,0.0,0.0,0.03878042048055807,0.1096776066519866,0.0,0.09848041936532242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035033817315542434,0.0,0.0,0.03415740004276858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703952580353529,0.08992665951267997,0.08002807646929631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03346451162017173,0.06934594066533896,0.09592950679327013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054963128753785916,0.0,0.0,0.25040197011478005,0.02953645684380815,0.0,0.043689665193087854,0.0,0.03287762575182668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02612154925774908,0.03478251663397503,0.0,0.024265884865594767,0.02524027804598639,0.031606936350002945,0.0,0.1535554839456044,0.0,0.031401441496011526,0.0745174453303905,0.034340390196558324,0.0,0.06652787288537644,0.0,0.034822729071184014,0.03839686316613847,0.036338306015351186,0.0,0.031240632090258826,0.09075224105368236,0.0,0.034191663108855984,0.0,0.03093661041334193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22952937758566835,0.06579725806961602,0.0,0.0,0.03273481637223707,0.0,0.14675561698236902,0.0,0.06462587534014444,0.03513543397331969,0.037072133432862135,0.05589558250533435,0.062259764758486436,0.02602499712469881,0.03276439531280822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036971020022516544,0.033592727924892124,0.0,0.0,0.09824878367920964,0.06671999042076783,0.05545719986152301,0.0503880861118468,0.0,0.0,0.1389816186808464,0.0,0.15680996483743986,0.0,0.0,0.0342122792342527,0.03746339488330365,0.03579688888901863,0.037137031885844524,0.0,0.06802960651849271,0.02460584932148249,0.02630388722175036,0.02860393172461612,0.030129667338392695,0.11227496296806548,0.0,0.08696669534414668,0.06290842175978098,0.032153089799246755,0.12990378461642374,0.057248311813001475,0.0,0.0,0.21889740229804064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746120301888636,0.0,0.0,0.08100703366943958,0.09651309631642764,0.051952687976803316,0.05250158264635963,0.07970280634968664,0.02942456850592193,0.0,0.029530088939514757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0354899079088086,0.11912444417745899,0.0,0.0,0.069742749650681,0.0,0.0,0.12644667267823395
ptsd,danokablamo,2020/01/19,Psychedelic Therapy How can I get this done? My marriage is almost totally destroyed by this illness.  I'm constantly bashing my head against walls when I get rejected or criticized.  I'm losing control.  I could fly to Amsterdam within a week if I could found out how to get the therapy I need.,3.277878787878784,6.094492454545456,5.363181818181818,72.93810606060606,79.0,9.484848484848484,34.62121212121212,9.725611199111238,4.4549393939393935,235,14,39,8,6,81,40,55,0.254,0.746,0.0,-0.9234,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,2,0,5,2,1,3,1,12,12,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,6,8,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,3,3,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272657799766402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452611067406229,0.2545528378697588,0.3624151930296698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232256961915334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24884787154775698,0.0,0.0,0.3557287617364924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23292451553839605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539080902709631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682865752609773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190927952308895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205211943175645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pannekoeki,2020/01/19,Thunderstorm (possible triggerwarning) I have to be at school tomorrow but I cant sleep. The rain is tapping the window 1 foot away from my head and every time i hear the thunder it's like I'm being punched in the gut. I keep being put back in the past and it feels like I'm clawing for a present that I cant get to. I dont know what else to do so I'm sitting awake blasting white noise in my headphones and trying to forget.,1.6482692307692304,3.3083355164835173,3.3693269230769265,91.16629807692308,78.45054945054945,6.308241758241758,24.561813186813183,7.1686216300943375,0.892724175824176,336,12,75,4,8,112,62,91,0.028999999999999998,0.892,0.079,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,0,9,4,4,0,0,8,17,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,11,14,0,12,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,7,44,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372370166799844,0.19416096931509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959343003069443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093575547267296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274658362132334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767425335685256,0.1803898180401124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192358377828664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591432586697206,0.0,0.2845917950723898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244382892506148,0.0,0.0,0.1387702948851214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24672264446802325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410448553886023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846617565704143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538375425717217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555488176767653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526876300671434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723785573371245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143450601393972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Torikku_Suta,2020/01/19,Recently diagnosed It feels weird to have a PTSD tag when you’re young. I didn’t believe I’d have such thing at 18 and it’s really messing with me.,1.2714583333333316,3.107339062500003,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,80.25,8.016666666666666,23.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.5847166666666666,118,4,27,3,3,40,29,32,0.064,0.9359999999999999,0.0,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699171456362223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233371598522909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108930316681671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875554172892954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26719827512156674,0.0,0.4118256575769692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27709579412962665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,doggyteeths,2020/01/19,"i tried to tell my dad (tw for csa) last night i tried to tell my dad about the sexual abuse i endured from another girl as a child. i got it all out but this morning i told him it was just a dream i had and i didnt mean to sound like it ACTUALLY happened (i told him in the middle of the night during an episode which i usually get after nightmares). i feel sick, even though he responded well. i just cant let him know. i dont know why im so scared for him to know. i wish it never happened.",-0.14169307756463922,1.6039996513761494,2.2396830692243554,96.65433694745623,84.59633027522936,5.7984987489574635,19.08340283569641,6.980632752743323,0.009322935779816357,378,10,95,5,11,129,71,109,0.11199999999999999,0.777,0.111,-0.2986,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,6,0,6,1,0,0,2,13,18,5,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,6,2,19,2,13,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,0,7,60,25,0,0.0,0.19920372313640214,0.16406829278006552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629645638057911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970443045122916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104669948288047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501037031102401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878397360069435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446700692514796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973493771377353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160666756107305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771956094401003,0.13704644027230015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192187024844105,0.0,0.0821386568508805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18314025348856705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967037608404755,0.0,0.0,0.31555274179969994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683250657792907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939018799599313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518452130108235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213062689279297,0.0,0.228295219390845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516880740268712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116691097150742,0.0,0.15170901570916534,0.0,0.1933384519333063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SwimmingCampaign,2020/01/19,"I think I may have seen my ex (who I have a lot of trauma associated with) for the first time in 4 years at a bar last night, or someone who looks exactly like her, and I’m losing my mind about it, and I don’t know why. The strangest thing is that I don’t even know if it was actually her. My friend even pulled out his phone and checked her Facebook pics and said he didn’t think it was her, but I’m still not convinced. I’m just going off memory and the pictures I have of her from when we dated. But if it wasn’t her, it was someone who basically looked like a clone of her that dresses the exact same way she does.

The thing that I find strange about it is that it seems like it doesn’t really matter to me if it actually was her or not. It seems to be a massive trigger for me either way. And even if I *did* see her, I don’t even understand what my reaction is to her or why this is making me feel so awful. I have a lot of abandonment trauma from my whole life that she unearthed when she broke up with me, and the breakup itself was the traumatic event that caused all my symptoms to come to the surface 6 years ago. So I guess....something along those lines.

I just don’t know what to do or feel.",3.7185262645914414,3.7259833696498066,4.7700948443579785,89.47241853112844,71.33463035019456,8.137062256809338,25.790126459143966,7.865858978985527,1.0631402723735413,934,25,223,11,16,307,124,257,0.122,0.8320000000000001,0.047,-0.9690000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,2,13,10,0,0,13,1,24,3,0,3,3,52,45,21,0,4,15,1,2,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,26,13,1,1,11,1,1,3,9,5,0,1,10,7,37,5,24,33,6,23,0,3,4,0,23,6,0,13,15,161,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.25593382633235057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624151176204367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470973570000422,0.0,0.11295948701813625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475539111650596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464484967650665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260959191423935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198532063018892,0.11154168140184516,0.0,0.0,0.1013130473968444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452591828275125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444578076425955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162018381627009,0.10689091490436768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262313140146444,0.19219491208297607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202374233280279,0.14670430892953826,0.0,0.2229692116423993,0.0,0.0,0.08753231035384895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240697025264495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230594578178514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400717165423538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247375329454268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449604057009612,0.23875715617267196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221716775262726,0.10095260680497133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472300064606972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362974196462608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423790577632614,0.16804949097265104,0.0,0.0,0.07646471958838089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651410040706946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081745780199612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23665431157749545,0.14640533587264773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889073342122754
ptsd,RichardTrithardt,2020/01/19,"Snow Storm Push ups for PTSD | EP. Day 1225  [https://youtu.be/ctmdeOSKGGA](https://youtu.be/ctmdeOSKGGA)   


Link to daily videos to help, inspire and motivate those with PTSD. You're not alone, and I'm here to try to help.",7.167857142857143,11.05702628571429,3.668214285714289,84.34803571428574,71.85714285714286,5.785714285714287,17.32142857142857,7.1686216300943375,-0.09085714285714276,180,3,31,2,4,47,29,35,0.0,0.6679999999999999,0.332,0.9089,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412301400622428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124800112872269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416717580646958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7702623991987069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236875741411996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thewrongdiagnosis,2020/01/19,"Don't want to leave the basement again Hes everywhere I look
With my eyes half closed, shut or even wide open. When I'm dreaming or awake. 
I cant get away from that look on his face. When I open my phone his picture pops up, or a text from him asking ""sexy, what's up?"" 
I cant get away... no matter how far I sprint, or how many times I prick my fingertips
 My self hatred makes me look at his pictures when I'm having a good day, and draw him when Im starting to forget what he looks like
 I'm so afraid to let go.. but I want to because I still know that He lives so close to me, what if he still watches me? I'm starting to not to want to leave my home again, or walk out of my basement. It feels safer underground, but even down there I can still listen to his voice, it sounds.",0.4506176470588237,2.0977514000000035,1.8113970588235304,101.00003676470587,82.05882352941177,4.9558823529411775,17.683823529411768,5.602791699666715,-0.7652647058823527,598,12,152,3,16,191,99,170,0.06,0.86,0.079,0.46299999999999997,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,16,4,1,1,3,0,7,3,3,3,0,26,28,17,0,4,9,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,7,7,0,0,2,1,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,10,25,2,21,27,0,30,0,0,6,0,14,15,1,6,14,90,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191593545969322,0.0,0.28524908203019017,0.0,0.0,0.0925381056322628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790080598550824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052977902725788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675649457786486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862229974696893,0.0,0.08627352154555808,0.12732571252984692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227145403156622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397400861748695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342732467091289,0.0,0.0,0.3214763265571147,0.0,0.1552295332117804,0.0,0.07416360317148425,0.0,0.13404541800289324,0.0,0.5099073858986972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013301256429212,0.15390509051265636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836433049533166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148948318516726,0.0,0.3636918106104812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851793825410749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26861320541714423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hya-cinth,2020/01/19,"help dealing with triggers in public tw - gun violence

i survived a shooting about 6 months ago (doesn't feel like it's been that long..) and i guess i've been getting better. it's easier to control spiraling and stuff. but sadly, loud noises are still triggering, especially in public. a firework went off at an event last week and i immediately ran and had a panic attack, it was awful. any advice on helping this?",3.3115384615384613,5.965513166666671,4.8535256410256435,77.63105769230769,77.58974358974359,6.976923076923077,26.41666666666667,8.07648339933343,2.0995589743589744,329,13,55,6,8,110,64,78,0.252,0.627,0.121,-0.9254,0,0,0,2,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,2,5,1,1,4,1,6,0,0,3,0,11,11,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,6,2,3,2,8,5,0,14,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,8,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23160919395365995,0.21010029425935448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117893933801675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696398025019924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962130228846534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658334852534483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24435298513694084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984236036016588,0.16932420602017642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383102506166647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610997347995686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177335228196129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931995922509364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579399640077458,0.0,0.0,0.2097516126756388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918382978364173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27808709023235306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892812035729755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713264994654841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011985806688306,0.0,0.0,0.21971611347421208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thespicyfoxx,2020/01/19,"TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ I write poetry to help me with ptsd from my sexual assault. Here’s one I wrote after a particularly bad flashback. For those of you hurting, you can hurt with me instead of alone. It helps. You come to me

With big glass eyes 

But I see right through them

I see into your head full of schemes

Your soul full of malice 

Your self absorption 

I can’t listen to certain songs now

I can’t watch that episode 

Of a children’s show

Not because you broke my heart 

But because you broke me

Because that’s when you

Took everything I was

And turned me into

Something tarnished and touched and torn 

I was just a child

You were grown already 

You knew

You

Knew 

I was little

So little

Small

Weak

I could not push you off

And still yet 

You wouldn’t take no for an answer

You pressed on

You damaged me

Or at least 

I thought I was damaged

I was so ashamed for so long

Of the bruises up my thighs 

And the throbbing in my body

The heat in my soul

Eating away at my mind

You were burrowed into my brain

Then you had the audacity 

To tell me

That I was asking for it

My skirt was short

I must have wanted it

It was over in minutes 

Maybe even seconds

But it will forever be

Part of my life

My past

My baggage

My inner demons

I didn’t know 

Someone could groom me

I thought I was so mature

But I was tricked

I was deceived

You deserve to be behind bars

But now you walk around

With a daughter of your own

And I fear every single day

What fate has in store for her

Will she end up another girl

On your bed

Waiting for it to be over

Or maybe

If we’re lucky enough

She will be your constant reminder

That it could have been her",-0.07248027613412232,2.2643434556213045,1.2254807692307708,98.8184775641026,93.73372781065088,3.7634122287968452,20.05941814595661,5.46131890053228,-0.2988167652859959,1280,44,284,8,48,403,182,338,0.125,0.821,0.054000000000000006,-0.973,1,1,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,23,1,0,15,14,2,2,9,0,34,11,6,1,2,45,50,20,0,7,11,1,2,0,0,5,3,2,1,4,13,15,2,1,6,3,1,5,7,12,0,2,22,8,69,2,46,16,7,44,3,6,4,0,40,27,0,4,12,211,82,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051495035897034,0.13906219318928084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213914704748955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218128252941274,0.11780829100774245,0.0,0.11839652381761033,0.0,0.10521840168559632,0.2304552207400372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997577398078492,0.0,0.14067594027994407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855194083322817,0.0,0.1361789232305952,0.0,0.30184144199460805,0.0,0.0,0.08127013082832424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894620217198252,0.0,0.0,0.11161309640645536,0.13020859210709762,0.0,0.08323262108246877,0.0,0.10617422317704596,0.0,0.11325538394473733,0.0,0.0,0.14180344609235876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932914697140233,0.0,0.0,0.14933000014677478,0.16893222728876794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26980625171379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925529899790411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900908586868665,0.0,0.252603008316772,0.0,0.11152051817592913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532007542727516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724060616939994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539195075444865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646344389097878,0.12029688014761188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730638796511805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761728780004096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008374562014515,0.0,0.13146255261474254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677325775274543,0.09701355494907596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063683246175772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947486241060897,0.0,0.1101438580527168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000858364654638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000881908030646,0.0,0.1370696194145116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432771748477149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,b00tybabe,2020/01/19,"): (TW: possible r*pe, sexual trauma)
there’s a lot of backstory and i apologize 

for as long as i can remember, i’ve always had this memory: i’m young (maybe 2 or 3?) and in diapers. i was at my grandparents house. at the time, my aunt was still living with her, and she had a boyfriend (we will call him E). well one day, when my nanny and aunt weren’t around (or maybe they were, but i don’t remember; lots of parenthesis, i’m sorry), E was chilling out there. i don’t know why or for how long. but i vividly remember being taken upstairs so he could “change my diaper.” i remember being in my nanny’s bedroom floor, laying on my back, and feeling lots of pressure between my legs. this may be tmi, and i’m sorry, but it almost felt like i was constipated (and now that i’m typing this, i remember having problems going to the bathroom as a child too, right around/after the time all this took place... f***).

as i’ve looked back on my childhood over the years, i’ve started piecing things together. i wasn’t ever okay like a child should be. i constantly wanted to rub against things for s*xual pleasure, even though i didn’t know that’s why i was doing it. but the weird thing is i always *knew* in a way what s*x was. and it terrified me. 

if my parents were too affectionate to one another, i would cry. if i found my moms underwear (specifically thongs) like in her bathroom or something after a shower, i’d cry. 

as i got older, i would figure out more and more about the deed. and for as long as i can remember, if i suspect someone is having s*x in another room, i get scared. and what doesn’t make sense is i LOVE having it now. 

but here’s my problem. 

i’m currently at a friends house. her and her boyfriend are very affectionate to one another, and i’m okay with that. however, if it sounds like they’re having sex in the other room, i get scared shitless. 

i’m 21F and shouldn’t feel like this, but i’ve always felt so trapped. there’s a lot more to the story, but this pretty much wraps it up i guess. i’ve never been diagnosed by a doctor, but i do believe i have some form of PTSD. how do i cope with this??",1.2044341325083785,3.387987375870072,3.1759597834493465,89.3516065996391,82.43387470997679,6.6153338489301365,21.642742974993553,7.793537801064563,1.0054067646300595,1633,52,347,30,45,549,203,431,0.11,0.769,0.121,0.6785,7,1,1,0,0,0,85.0,1,0,1,0,22,20,0,3,17,2,42,5,1,3,3,75,69,43,0,12,16,4,5,5,1,6,2,1,4,2,22,21,0,0,16,0,0,2,8,7,1,3,21,8,47,13,44,37,12,46,0,0,2,2,19,21,0,16,27,238,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568565918564739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867383760557774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377667336640529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345701493273942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116237634273735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851563862626257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771789003111254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995700611457461,0.0,0.0,0.08167859031911211,0.0,0.060347036817781335,0.0,0.1660491973421914,0.04874491267541451,0.0,0.0,0.07671535937446287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736261034288658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992199231204883,0.06836933374835699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643427626168436,0.053996654863276296,0.14514345457578898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828730801309955,0.05839539464574745,0.0,0.07897820729569845,0.0,0.04295567571283554,0.0,0.06045079157869381,0.0,0.08326341871749464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744257350409004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083077102683487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846306740734708,0.0,0.06674135242622688,0.20066626685340844,0.06347085386064161,0.0,0.0,0.2570325430387684,0.06821679108889388,0.0,0.05045237448386399,0.0,0.15186697167310145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852213309431999,0.0,0.0,0.05556235044423729,0.0,0.058294425211316385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365140206929048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839262015441492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896835939438784,0.0,0.0,0.08520870406825684,0.0,0.0768952894448195,0.0,0.14464583383490082,0.08835271882431726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5137262052078478,0.06454764182992659,0.0,0.0,0.151343942303379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404140207699996,0.05818764183256508,0.0,0.16921841389270215,0.0534981796501156,0.0,0.060360843033970185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064236341943316,0.0,0.07426011255501921,0.0,0.08814634623218323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397571888095075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236405765459531,0.044580931041092224,0.059994427919390636,0.0,0.0,0.06795837609310648,0.0,0.13640416781714498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738427672721784,0.0,0.0,0.04867310422275136
ptsd,TheLoveTank,2020/01/19,"Coping skills to be more productive? Hey guys! I'm taking on too much and my coping skills are starting to fail me. I've been on top of my PTSD, no debilitating flashbacks in a year, made new friends... anyway I'm completing my last semester in school. I also just got my first full time job in years.

I'm... not balancing this well. I mean I haven't dropped any balls yet and everyone at the new job seems thrilled with my work, so maybe I am balancing. But I dread going into work because it's still unfamiliar, and I feel overwhelmed so I feel paralyzed which means I'm not doing what I need to for school. I try to study and I immediately feel super defeated (fixing my self talk helps here but not always). My mental health is somewhat deteriorating, I'm more on edge, im having the occasional nightmare, and I'm having to double up on sleep aids every night. I'm also not doing some of the basics, like going to the grocery store.

So clearly I'm masking some mental health stuff.

I want to succeed. I'm willing to fight through this, I just need to find a way to manage the paralyzation. Reminding myself why I'm going to school worked wonders the first week... but that's starting to wear off and I'm falling behind.

Any advice?",2.491882716049382,4.8205964238683165,4.04352366255144,84.10627314814819,78.58847736625516,6.519135802469138,23.70524691358025,7.645422480735847,1.243825925925926,973,33,188,15,24,323,142,243,0.055999999999999994,0.841,0.10300000000000001,0.8698,2,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,0,0,0,12,13,11,1,2,8,0,11,4,2,1,1,33,40,14,0,3,9,0,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,8,1,1,4,6,5,1,2,3,3,21,6,29,35,8,33,0,3,0,0,7,13,0,5,15,113,28,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948444481039116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919710997530874,0.09322647120434467,0.0,0.0,0.15238243687408354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829870222882937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174720803578896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439875082708224,0.10705926926581544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995276480377713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240276733916677,0.19060277487182373,0.0,0.0,0.08656202650823452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102518420967865,0.0,0.08960883053916854,0.0,0.0,0.11093747178083127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381871130720857,0.0,0.0,0.07509822418905178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102270639014155,0.0,0.22236533877854925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132776525019924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473721138570933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060152024934148,0.0,0.0,0.11255949983248924,0.24408937649504855,0.0,0.0,0.2258204587116669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236248219899879,0.16615286542169874,0.0,0.2164183614503241,0.0,0.10514219366033607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309690676009858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34017217226335605,0.0,0.10199724424779884,0.11688242565879392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121211735660671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860534458611925,0.0,0.08947549590961466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825929165087013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424033150951554,0.09005371652075353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533157627790699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606798163762289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608424787521881,0.08893234289123597,0.08987193795099398,0.0,0.10073764872237992,0.0,0.10109890738859173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215028820350464,0.2446999297756729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430050737827105
ptsd,archaicecho,2020/01/19,"I'm pretty pissed and fuck you, FBI Two years ago, I reported my sister to the FBI for some serious shit that she has done.  Two days ago, I got into a 2 hour screaming match with an agent over what the hell was he doing and what are they doing about it. He told me that, because of the Epstein/Weinstein cases, my case took the back burner. And the case was shut down.

Ok, so, if the case is shut down because of that, I'm going to do anything and everything to take this bitch down.  You have no idea what a monster she is...

I have lifelong  PTSD because of my sister. She has destroyed countless lives with the things she has done. 

There's an absolute reason why I reported her to the FBI and had to agents sitting on my kitchen with all of the proof they needed.

I'm pissed off!!!!!",3.7485934819897078,4.562275408805036,4.3705431675243,89.47307032590055,71.64150943396227,7.291252144082332,25.775300171526588,7.348242739294969,1.0461396226415092,606,18,131,6,11,193,94,159,0.2,0.769,0.031,-0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,2,0,4,10,7,0,13,1,16,5,3,1,2,16,26,7,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,9,9,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,9,0,2,8,1,18,1,21,18,2,18,1,0,0,1,14,9,6,2,6,91,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31703113881690426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715587828419618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137503648943449,0.0,0.3270260474809033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532587362394026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659954977718724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071434809957874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531874156158138,0.0,0.0,0.1016290840785121,0.0,0.14302088089672246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610437774120394,0.0,0.0,0.2018691070114612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790375554985947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259479580943107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192701445257334,0.0,0.0,0.2090342135458158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385955954170216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355897279469227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445244566891795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188018825116878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087279129107133,0.1986786438131968,0.0,0.0,0.34936766591839763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135970869625765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515598158634227
ptsd,Daddyjulz,2020/01/19,Back down the rabbit hole *trigger warning* Few months ago I got myself into a situation with an addict that triggered really every aspect of my childhood. Even got arrested on my birthday in my apartment. My window broke and there was glass everywhere. Blood everywhere because he fought them. My place was TRASHED.  Triggered me. Cops ruined my birthday party once as a child and just everything about the situation sent me into this spiral of childhood memories and constant anger. I'm angry at myself for letting myself get caught up with someone who I knew would fuck me right up. I'm mad that everytime I come home I have a panic attack. I relive that night everytime I come home. I'm moving when my lease agreement goes up. Summer time can't come soon enough. I'm in this constant nightmare. I hate it.,2.8103691275167795,5.838643644295306,3.629593959731544,82.30949161073828,85.71140939597316,5.664563758389263,24.8996644295302,7.1686216300943375,1.6501030872483218,649,26,104,10,20,206,100,149,0.217,0.747,0.036000000000000004,-0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,7,10,6,1,6,0,6,3,1,3,0,16,22,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,7,10,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,9,0,0,8,0,21,1,17,12,2,31,0,2,0,1,6,13,1,0,12,68,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753769180892675,0.0,0.0,0.13623114373456427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748371596560624,0.0,0.11817311973295193,0.0,0.09368403084015267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971541632300554,0.0,0.3321545175521582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879613036462156,0.0,0.10150649764440857,0.0,0.129484971092515,0.0,0.1381208138598977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207791277373547,0.0802932819939314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458294570709405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173063205815168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083141479523566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715178387707107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226686978157963,0.16334123141567675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422154729198372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366790426397948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803144659731179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605665402282953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845358084975704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124486323395834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454933702366005,0.0,0.0,0.1302155248220066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961408060652297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091723439694038,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,geekmommers,2020/01/19,"Best medication for PTSD anxiety? I have daily anxiety as a result of PTSD I was on citalopram for four years and it worked perfectly but then after having to stop it due to pregnancy and then going back on it it stopped working. My doctors keep recommending depression/anxiety medication even though every psychiatrist and psychologist has said I dont have depression its purely PTSD anxiety, whats the best PTSD Anxiety you have used? looking for recommendations, thanks in advance",8.071967871485946,10.255304650602412,8.571265060240965,58.249588353413685,62.73493975903615,12.762248995983935,39.13453815261044,12.161744961471696,6.010222489959839,398,21,56,15,6,132,59,83,0.124,0.6759999999999999,0.2,0.9054,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,6,3,5,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,2,2,11,13,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,2,5,4,11,11,2,13,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,8,43,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918764207569664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988820808113482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699063028161793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075920424856547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162304851606385,0.0,0.0,0.15071308873779302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493618282764623,0.0,0.10834734163199806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308384455141041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430168036926475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798791871199306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25909308173125023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6012855122026559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232386634838607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502336412185705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839355368333646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263445268239504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106531223569556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723826079221464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828113520232026
ptsd,Brangur,2020/01/19,"I want hypoarousal so badly right now. Why does it only occur when you don't want it? My hyperarousal is triggered by rejection, adandonment, and being called things that put me in the category of abusive. 

Hypoarousal gets triggered by financial stress, being maiciously confronted, or in dangerous situations. 

I wish I could switch the two and I'm sorry to bitch but I don't like this at all.",4.670583501006036,7.534432718309858,5.151629778672035,76.1935211267606,73.92957746478874,8.564185110663983,29.86116700201207,9.23628265651192,3.209758953722334,317,14,51,8,7,101,56,71,0.249,0.696,0.055999999999999994,-0.9093,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,7,3,1,2,0,6,0,0,2,1,11,11,6,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,7,1,7,8,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,3,36,12,0,0.0,0.29501818349566256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790030076783395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542515830260989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880212830194247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178970727953846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008953320497188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164630739520615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937180496510794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503085989427729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126402429900231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27988064594799383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787293511305913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852227615215179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654211155975862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432317898845603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29372722970350834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246791251174868,0.0,0.28633179134995995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MindfulEl,2020/01/19,"Confused Not really sure how this works yet, it was recommened to me. I've been told a lot of thing that make it hard for me to go to someone I know. I hope I can find some sort of escape on here",1.960151515151516,2.2268280454545457,3.270909090909093,97.734696969697,75.36363636363636,6.775757575757575,21.484848484848484,6.42735559955562,-0.07136969696969686,150,3,40,1,3,49,36,44,0.133,0.769,0.09699999999999999,-0.1461,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,11,8,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,5,2,7,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,1,27,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31689056144693073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704570962818596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105878842240464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443655013856741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054509538572886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947640736651102,0.0,0.0,0.23143446745104684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211403943608726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937698757716373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267740962033723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303415548505317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313003430207732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25241211784771433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,i-dont-know-aaaaa,2020/01/20,"I think I have PTSD. Would like some support. I (18,FtM) never really thought I had PTSD. I had some symptoms like flinching at certain sounds or movements, and dissociating a couple times (not really fully) but I never really thought I had PTSD. I grew up with a lot of physically abusive parental figures and that always was upsetting but I never had flashbacks or nightmares. But about a week ago I was thinking a thing my dads ex wife did to me and I completely lost it and had a full on flashback for the first time. I haven’t really been the same I keep dissociating for seemingly no reason and I already kinda already had a trigger for loud banging noises and now it’s gotten super sensitive and things that weren’t that bad before are scaring me. I am not diagnosed and I don’t think people should self diagnose so I am not saying I do or don’t have PTSD but I think it is possible. I am actually going to an intake to get a new counselor tomorrow so I’ll look into it when I have a professional to talk to. 

Side note: I’m not really sure what counts as triggering by the rules I read them they were just kinda confusing to me so if it is triggering please let me know and I’ll mark it but I tried my best to be vague.",2.044898785425101,4.34305499595142,4.076155465587046,83.43594979757087,80.01214574898785,7.352809716599191,24.4548987854251,8.364918446050245,1.783818591093118,972,36,191,21,25,331,138,247,0.127,0.787,0.086,-0.9005,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,4,7,12,0,3,12,0,29,3,0,4,5,53,45,23,0,3,14,4,0,2,0,2,3,3,0,1,12,11,0,1,10,1,0,3,12,5,0,1,16,4,31,7,19,25,6,21,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,11,14,142,43,2,0.0,0.12445159563131185,0.10250089961924584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931089078724453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318217457389313,0.0,0.08739914665733138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770145574151357,0.0,0.0,0.08937869780753707,0.0,0.11022978605044474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012923096527688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622137393972375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322056189438568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934436571026454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548774648072813,0.0,0.05969491237951944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336165655154244,0.0,0.0,0.05772555411057378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074073854618031,0.0,0.10263148446382483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820457359799208,0.0,0.11466022556164912,0.0892986484368092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430328854655284,0.10144532913981373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663108924222675,0.0,0.0,0.07281938734838551,0.0,0.0,0.1152990158016924,0.0,0.11841336537995825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4911302379661047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506536237614954,0.0,0.3364467601811144,0.10799546602722501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835295888833443,0.10516029866888664,0.0,0.0,0.09562168334267672,0.10957643392321692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919467237244286,0.09899607089931108,0.10917359639191772,0.0,0.08442471194671028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395637485343948,0.2692137143745076,0.0,0.16677519188814835,0.12249576633554528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713131860209674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425429584415557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461522701939342,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hooray_this_sucks,2020/01/20,"Dissociation and driving Has anyone had to stop or limit driving because of episodes? I had a big one the other day and drove nearly 45km at high speed (the speed limit, I use cruise control) and can’t really remember it. It’s really frightening, because I don’t get much it any warning when I’m going into it.  In all honesty, other times it’s been really short and less than 2 minutes but this one floored me. 

I drive a lot to many appointments, usually a 2,3,4 hour round trip. I’m not sure what to do.",2.6149019607843162,4.531501666666667,4.563333333333336,82.5316666666667,76.45098039215684,7.670588235294117,26.03921568627451,8.515128840125781,1.944345098039216,398,15,78,8,9,136,72,102,0.087,0.89,0.023,-0.598,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,2,2,17,13,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,4,1,1,0,7,3,0,0,2,4,1,5,1,9,9,4,23,0,0,1,0,0,8,0,2,8,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288602738501078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572001095637421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740976578014921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25215593099963657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499098200768915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745972250747068,0.0,0.12777098701315714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753578898287545,0.0,0.0,0.22140345320783025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113482196225795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22793326351894874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526934425361184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30468913164649897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320783756486624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546784299733288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796046946745468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118911844415257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109496559873912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941732082429897,0.2476086304817633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jarjarbarbar,2020/01/20,Hi You are my fellow messed up people 😁. It's funny but I'm a bit paranoid as I'm posting. I'm looking out a window looking for any threat. I've just started my journey as I come to terms with he fact that I have PTSD. I finally admitted it. For those of you who have been in therapy for awhile and know how to manage this. What is some advice you have?,-0.3307936507936482,1.7404103506493518,2.305108225108224,93.77448773448776,88.35064935064932,4.9806637806637815,20.243867243867246,6.42735559955562,0.19237200577200567,275,9,62,3,9,95,57,77,0.11800000000000001,0.8340000000000001,0.048,-0.7391,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,11,15,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,12,14,3,9,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,1,3,40,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27922970917999057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431848791934608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119628869082037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24614666246911926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130230460078945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570396676078305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.479912826571962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981017343322762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27366766525191943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340242051839577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022539563491076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267778239277375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JTisOP,2020/01/20,"Fear of running into the person who sexually assaulted me I am diagnosed, was abused growing up, molested, sexually assaulted. I get this fear of running into the person that sexually assaulted me, any advice on how to cope with this fear? 

I always imagine something really happening, and that he will be the powerful person and I will be powerless again.",10.630107526881725,9.89073706451613,11.692580645161295,48.04220430107532,57.38709677419354,16.008602150537634,46.4731182795699,14.554592549557764,7.6685311827957,286,16,38,12,3,101,40,62,0.36200000000000004,0.5820000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.9769,2,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,4,3,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,7,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,6,0,8,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,32,11,0,0.0,0.2376351020619453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598845545908736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688500481400326,0.0,0.0,0.13639014425183899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356785997981008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6770695224976085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478621735805252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773577533382688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5253732700378126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848619543763287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544036790248026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Nebula263,2020/01/20,"Dissociation is like having your wifi on, but not having any networks to connect to Then you end up running off of data, then realize that was the backup source, and you've gone and used that all up",7.401538461538461,6.502834410256412,7.748333333333335,74.24250000000002,63.87179487179488,9.851282051282054,32.32051282051282,8.841846274778883,2.52514358974359,158,5,30,2,2,52,32,39,0.0,0.955,0.045,0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,7,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552276214754382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5929062092505856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32704412734788924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5781627612058508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,friskykitty96,2020/01/20,"Does this sound like PTSD? I know it's always best to see a professional to get a diagnosis, I am currently in the process of it, but I'm just trying to understand my illnesses better. So here I am to share a bit of my experience and get some input. I was mentally abused by my father and was also in a mentally/physically abusive relationship for 3 years. I went to therapy for at least two and a half years. For a while at the age of 11 and after that from 16-17. I was forced to go, so I was never really open during those sessions and didn't want to talk about what I was going through. I was diagnosed with clinical depression during that time. I haven't been diagnosed but I know with absolute certainty that I have anxiety as well. 

Anyway, the reason why I'm thinking I might have PTSD is because anytime anyone yells at me or even just talks loudly, seems mad at me, or just reminds me of my abuse, I COMPLETELY shut down. Worst case, I get a super intense panic attack and start to cry uncontrollably and cannot be calmed down. Shaking, hyperventilating, unable to speak, dry heaving, maybe start hitting myself, my mind just completely breaks. It usually takes me 30 minutes to an hour to be able to think clearly. This doesn't happen that often though, in the past year this has happened maybe 5 times. Usually I might either get a mild panic attack or just feel extremely anxious. Does this sound like PTSD to you?",5.937212276214832,6.40748646376812,6.817127024722932,75.10400255754476,66.6086956521739,10.262233589087806,31.09036658141517,10.194018383442646,3.0891788576300065,1128,41,211,26,17,376,163,276,0.24100000000000002,0.665,0.09300000000000001,-0.9949,1,0,0,0,2,0,32.0,0,1,0,3,15,17,3,4,13,0,21,4,0,1,2,37,45,18,0,1,11,1,1,2,0,2,4,5,0,0,13,10,0,0,8,0,0,4,5,9,1,2,9,7,27,8,37,31,6,32,0,1,1,0,7,11,0,8,18,146,40,2,0.09476682120697932,0.33684956023496776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578499268091189,0.07885358685597109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249635883514298,0.10705953366066792,0.0,0.06626316482626397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215621880210896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776897461394115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945193220847924,0.08381355221353406,0.10346082436651792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987224180425864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409690318876268,0.0,0.0,0.08162252424238789,0.192372657398338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586216772113233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625925916400328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927001354677115,0.0,0.0,0.04791695222662794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804701089737534,0.0,0.10771633678835617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760397404219715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332622956643466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416273313774647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259656396938748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904120188578416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550266638240944,0.2010652428480616,0.09568747443505664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309001470403474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22237689206820271,0.0,0.0,0.09046565393139364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323320280422217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607100523083337,0.09743607559255868,0.0,0.10174410048351028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551688700025952,0.08627215483394461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415288762490374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712528556712314,0.15233996236556685,0.0,0.0,0.1083741190605436,0.0,0.0,0.12144550502580967,0.09310792067842508,0.0,0.11051859108075636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434045094201926,0.0,0.0925734141615295,0.09865560300791844,0.0,0.0,0.20874453000766724,0.0,0.05589592647154964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852067533027711,0.08784979268702389,0.08551231610318176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308017741504265
ptsd,puente593,2020/01/20,"Hi r/ptsd, I need some emotional support I (24F) suffered repeated sexual abuse from my older siblings starting from age 4 and it continued for years. I don't remember when it stopped. At the beginning they were 7 and 10. I have been sexually assaulted repeated times over my adolescent and early adult years and I was raped by a drug dealer while living abroad roughly one year ago. I have been in therapy for 10 years dealing with this. Since the beginning my parents have been completely supportive and have been making up for the fact that, due to secrecy and manipulation, they couldn't protect me when I was little. 

​

I moved back home about 6 months ago after living abroad, which is, unfortunately, the location of most of my abuse. Despite the development symptoms, I landed a dream job at a law firm. Then I had to quit within one week because my symptoms were so bad. Thankfully I got accepted into grad school last minute. But now that is starting and I feel very disconnected socially. I also had to cut my closets sibling out of my life due to some recent traumatic interactions.

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3/4 days ago I experienced a flashback for the first time in my entire life. 20 years of emotional pain just flooded over me. I have been dissociating and having multiple flashbacks since then. They are fucking terrifying. No other word for it.

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Now I am back in school and it's the second week of class and I cannot bring myself to go. and I love school. I am studying to be a teacher. But I am terrified of having a flashback in the middle of class or on campus.  Also, dissociating in public repeatedly and hyperarousal all feel so exhausting. I also deal with dermatitis artefacta and intense nightmares. It's so hard to concentrate when I am exhausted.

​

Any kind words or coping strategies that have worked for you would be greatly appreciated right now. I'm feeling very lonely and I want to start connecting with the outside world again.",4.856719844686417,7.504775384401118,5.613172955178528,74.1952587152866,72.31476323119777,8.919760276863341,31.21304971722799,9.496760409515344,3.4229305478180136,1589,73,260,41,33,516,205,359,0.165,0.754,0.08199999999999999,-0.9879,2,2,1,0,2,0,54.0,0,1,3,3,17,17,4,0,15,0,32,11,0,2,2,44,52,30,0,4,5,1,5,0,0,1,8,0,2,1,11,19,0,2,5,1,0,3,4,10,0,4,12,6,38,7,43,36,4,67,0,2,0,3,13,19,1,5,45,185,49,9,0.0,0.17723523982580486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889877104001974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943609914862466,0.0,0.32415326796704924,0.3635273214613067,0.05086188807251527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502258901310608,0.062449133185354576,0.04559319327766409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841916595343114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823537653855065,0.15421685030643031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673627686720092,0.0,0.0,0.16826439189021497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345295006939707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361899179924654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914503656052834,0.0,0.0,0.04250665513083469,0.0,0.059818892553323184,0.08245968161061372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669999469028718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502360013637095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422063332342631,0.0,0.0,0.07788552761877983,0.0,0.06096637735104496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565718864899276,0.0,0.07496235761370051,0.13208739490038646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750371318408484,0.0,0.04992499005379436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059699156819775626,0.079493252663876,0.0,0.055458152641234035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136351094851892,0.0,0.07958515565827178,0.0,0.08304891137848168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874291577681936,0.0,0.0,0.07955169225721702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738491853694709,0.0,0.08472602775639486,0.06387291796118773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270838989842379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373928766277988,0.0,0.0,0.07624216947931856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881687121281174,0.0,0.0,0.0625303994330118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697486981723599,0.0,0.1554773841268362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885945843464014,0.08553245387588243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722494241232441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342431808103373,0.04411492147960768,0.0,0.11998906285245045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445028396934792,0.0,0.0,0.0531308883118563,0.0,0.3635273214613067,0.2408215935392038
ptsd,KinkMountainMoney,2020/01/20,"How to quiet startle response Any advice?  I’ve come a long way since my diagnosis.  Sleep most nights.  Able to go out most days.  But I still have exaggerated startle responses.  It’s better than it was.  I once broke a shower door because I saw the shower curtain out of the corner of my eye and just started punching.  I’m good usually and only yell a bit if someone enters the room and startles me.  My peripherals are still a problem, though.  I was walking on the street and a college girl passed me on the right which is her right to do because I’m old and a bit slow and I almost knocked her into the store window.  And the strength of my response scared me because it’s instant, ya know?  It’s not something I can reason through.  I don’t want to hurt anybody.  Anybody have some cbt techniques or advice that’s worked for you?  Please and thank you.",2.02059523809524,4.478536059523808,3.151190476190475,89.09380952380955,81.26190476190476,4.923809523809523,26.0,6.139981653823899,0.8927357142857146,670,28,130,5,18,215,106,168,0.11800000000000001,0.792,0.09,-0.5775,2,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,3,5,11,0,4,13,0,9,2,2,2,0,26,18,13,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,6,12,0,0,2,0,1,5,2,7,0,0,3,4,19,4,15,15,5,25,0,2,2,0,6,10,0,6,9,82,25,2,0.15623401952752172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053401513954057,0.0,0.0,0.1564458025994498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624449077152716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857164245767068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381762940491652,0.3411341701355202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458177391745196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075801767729674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879139371188348,0.13104168310683514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725174921306185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586213125973355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826219088397712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466150437438446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394132210324147,0.16638413187001289,0.0,0.11882301202523088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149803724568533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949485682261845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063459281350015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668459980566477,0.0,0.0,0.156417508792121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292383954309762,0.0,0.15634684986795602,0.0,0.13237657774711273,0.12027658113587845,0.0,0.0,0.1105832431536653,0.0,0.2495373796207784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383929447843025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349913094234596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720696999335426,0.0,0.09215087260119953,0.1240112926059286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374022695422778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Karmi138,2020/01/20,"Just diagnosed, 24 years after the primary event. Hoping maybe you guys can help answer a question? I’m going through cognitive behavioral therapy (the writing type) and my therapist told me to hand write everything to prevent dissociation. I’ve heard of dissociation but only the most severe types with fugue or losing time etc. I’ve lost time before but I never really thought about it or even knew what it was until a recent job interview I don’t remember actually doing, just going in and coming out. I’m rambling because of insomnia, sorry. I’ve always done this thing where I sit in the back of my head and dispassionately observe my physical reactions to emotional events. Like even if I’m physically sobbing I don’t feel it in my head if that makes sense, I just watch myself cry and keep analyzing the situation and just sort of ignore my body. Is this dissociation? I don’t want to know what to do about it, I’m going to therapy and she’s amazing, I’ve just got a few days before my next session and I’m curious. Because now that I’ve handwritten my trauma narrative I’m not doing that and my brain is fuzzy as fuck and this goddamn hurts. So hopefully actually feeling this can mean the boil is lanced as it were? Anyway, love y’all and I hope your day/night is pleasant and restful.",4.170860585197937,6.262297044176709,5.857578886976483,74.18554216867473,72.53413654618473,9.24084911072863,29.126219162363743,9.725611199111238,3.106831554790592,1040,43,184,28,21,355,149,249,0.141,0.6970000000000001,0.162,0.4671,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,0,2,14,14,1,0,9,0,15,10,5,1,1,48,43,21,0,6,12,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,15,14,1,3,9,0,0,4,5,7,0,0,9,5,21,7,22,34,4,23,0,4,1,2,13,5,2,10,14,117,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.22749621338029344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698927029455327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962930530312244,0.0,0.14211073755477358,0.0,0.1983720668170446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294745704805404,0.0,0.1301222091988019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040820289474237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803834400890446,0.1503462346754241,0.0,0.0,0.11830840174568442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928382432547174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311170325913451,0.0,0.0,0.12999790915720444,0.1539767569508357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475878628016376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178749227904702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776007817687017,0.0,0.0,0.1987353268340367,0.0,0.09322561471721996,0.0,0.0,0.11541512080577368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392533404678389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812933247840723,0.0,0.0,0.3473183486074714,0.0,0.0,0.1247824804255161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567021505973038,0.1036060337971873,0.0,0.0,0.06405965715528708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056946510166859636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040353143747022,0.12724164976844635,0.0,0.10520213411960946,0.0,0.07780631985734593,0.0,0.1171026170189766,0.12697064582126946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899001234390354,0.0,0.12396545506248195,0.10938593415095772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865097221345708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057658593143914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467287041342201,0.0,0.11509132664563815,0.0,0.13204249833106196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316823553859308,0.0,0.0,0.13102104281886953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048208505329373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665985694651053,0.13533795259855094,0.07743889184064487,0.0,0.0,0.09253754060028203,0.13593696787038412,0.0,0.0,0.11138038660285172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875153480102067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506237623794168
ptsd,ohsopoliteindeed83,2020/01/20,"Treatment Well after finishing 12 weeks of a trauma therapy program, I’m going to go away to “residential” treatment. I was like “wtf,” is this even voluntary? Turns out it is. I could have stayed home and continued trying to fix myself. I completed a trauma level 1 program and opted to go the intensive route by completing the next step the right way. I have to be away from everyone and can’t have electronics. I will miss you, Reddit! 
I finished the program I was in with many women who are vets or have husbands serving. I think this was the key for me to really accept my PTSD. I didn’t fully absorb it before seeing these women react to situations and explain their emotions the way I did. We’re not crazy. We aren’t “overly emotional.” You give an asthmatic an inhaler for a reason. You give someone with severe, chronic PTSD skills to avoid panic attacks, flashbacks and nightmares for the same reason; in that regard, its all the same. Trauma itself is much like pain: you can’t compare it. It is what it is. When you’re stuck in fight or flight mode, you need to learn skills to turn it off. This is through DBT. I have been panic attack free for awhile now, have not had self harming thoughts, or any other “crazy” feeling that could potentially occur due to PTSD. It’s all brain damage.
Most trauma treatment is voluntary, and you need to find them on your own. I highly recommend each of you find a psychologist- not a “therapist” to treat PTSD. My trauma occurred in my childhood. My psychologist now treats adults, but many of us were abused as children. His background is working with dyfus cases and treating children. Get a good psychiatrist you can trust- I am on 6 medications: 2 for nightmares and sleep, 2 for anxiety, and 2 for depression. NO ANTIPSYCHOTIC MEDS BECAUSE IM NOT CRAZY.
PTSD is brain damage, and that’s how it needs to be treated.
I’m extremely mistrusting of the system and had to do this all my way. My husband is a great support, and I know many of you don’t have the support you need. I’m praying for you.
I hit the lottery when I found my psychologist. He wanted me to face my trauma last year by doing this, and I couldn’t because I knew i wasn’t ready. 2 years after starting therapy, I had the courage to do this.
My point is; no matter what state or insurance you have, it’s your responsibility to take care of your mental health to the best of your ability and capacity. 
I wish you all the best as I say bye to Reddit and begin the next chapter in my journey. Going to the west coast VOLUNTARILY so I can leave behind some mistrust, anger, and worry and do what I need to do the right way - no visitors, no contact 30 days. Feels like jail for my broken mind 😩🤪😅🥰
Anyone who has ever loved or trusted me should know, nothing has changed. I will always love them and protect them the best way I can.",3.681217549120177,5.600669333938292,4.757746784502487,82.2865026039612,73.44646098003629,7.3321391935611135,26.860293537441805,8.112205042999317,1.7945347273731556,2237,82,420,35,46,732,272,551,0.131,0.698,0.171,0.9869,1,1,0,0,2,0,68.0,2,17,4,6,9,42,4,3,27,0,54,10,4,4,5,74,94,30,0,11,10,2,2,3,0,3,4,1,1,6,27,24,0,2,15,0,1,6,15,19,1,0,15,5,65,24,62,70,14,53,1,4,1,2,44,18,0,7,25,290,92,5,0.0,0.08181738495561848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745823981268676,0.0,0.0,0.046958908172985994,0.0,0.05282591873854383,0.0,0.0,0.04828397752266303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711718637034858,0.12975651544410674,0.0,0.0,0.08418903259692348,0.0,0.0587596429620327,0.0,0.2174029057590228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417361277995353,0.0,0.0,0.0704048856516597,0.0,0.07304969608409351,0.0,0.14480305598404475,0.0,0.0,0.11026757787297826,0.0,0.0,0.044533946799887016,0.0,0.05947588130140749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535231638059765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04560934111367235,0.06246305726646088,0.0,0.06598380361477793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983128712101593,0.0493320025223034,0.0,0.0,0.1262277266798961,0.0,0.0,0.0757138568751194,0.0,0.0,0.03607772677199872,0.13248527089660006,0.15697931718018815,0.05791899720316152,0.0,0.07613198729873616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340089186251228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295906299242509,0.0692665271212068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458988414677932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590025436769747,0.05628801100709424,0.0,0.07311793544599046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120850155050944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464738486418772,0.0,0.0,0.2100289485094841,0.0,0.0,0.0767031332200185,0.06956437381258672,0.06958992388988544,0.0,0.06972458796582295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076244110307663,0.2560123499161287,0.0,0.0,0.14687886245225076,0.0,0.0,0.06625892171396572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347804334674525,0.16203936057586202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527810029782996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036006081237751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04423759125814387,0.14199748219520267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794302582726572,0.0,0.054914302176561736,0.0,0.0,0.05502688686938161,0.0,0.07203810630857098,0.07801106588270887,0.0,0.0,0.07761929207150324,0.06910360539892156,0.0,0.058509006100358925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048876589487269737,0.07360209427573665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567227217085409,0.0,0.0,0.05191981534047811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793792954132055,0.08017670936743064,0.0,0.04424684551567373,0.0,0.05482095270270155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688295367762345,0.15022127014367176,0.0,0.0,0.08306314158492084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0407296823874462,0.27405820572937145,0.05539074145475605,0.0,0.0620876013398537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940838805366697,0.0,0.0,0.05027194195512635,0.07012742046705728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893668344326079
ptsd,SmezBob,2020/01/20,"I got the worst trigger I’ve ever had (Trigger Warning: mentions of child abuse) I have been through child abuse a lot, and I just saw a kid who got hit hard. I didn’t react to it much when I saw, but it’s just now starting to affect me and I am really stressed. My chest hurts from the stress. Sorry if my post doesn’t follow etiquette. I just wanted to tell someone. Also, I’m gonna possibly be overzealous and mark this as NSFW to make sure I’m not breaking the rules",2.265378787878788,3.6647205252525294,3.539280303030304,91.72892045454547,76.07070707070706,5.758080808080809,24.49621212121212,5.985473137389443,0.5147060606060614,368,12,80,2,8,120,71,99,0.214,0.7559999999999999,0.03,-0.9427,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,5,0,7,1,1,5,2,18,19,8,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,7,3,10,1,8,9,3,7,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,2,4,50,14,0,0.0,0.4682717605874414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802887759765447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874982079729254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160940020716721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702000531219916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154590262436668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800120203144567,0.0,0.0,0.1319064031102293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452663005542665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277591059509874,0.18925603338549826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659421193818113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743455753137562,0.0,0.0,0.22120854117325287,0.13986958042675576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527238393061856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624535979672166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272010357276088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655566900654775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,714areacode,2020/01/20,"Flashbacks. I don’t know where to look for help. When I was little, like 3, I was physically and mentally  abused by my babysitter. She would force me to sleep outside in 100+ degree weather under the sun, she would separate me from the other kids for no reason, and she would dunk my head into the toilet until things got dark in my vision. 

While I acknowledged that when I was about 15 in the psych ward, I’ve (now 20) have been getting really weird flashbacks and I’ve been (somewhat tying these to behaviors I have/had). And to be honest, I’m confused and lost.

Basically, I started getting flashbacks of my baby sitters floor plan. Also, I started getting flashbacks of her walking me to the bedroom where her husband was (I called him the “tickle monster”) and closing the door on us. That all I remember. It’s been happening for about 3 months. I sometimes feel like my head is making this up. 

Anyways, this allowed me to realize a few things:
- I’ve always ran from guys who liked me
- I’ve always had a constant thought in my head “I’d rather kill myself than get into a relationship”
- My severe fascination since 3 with sadomasochist ideas.

But like I said, I don’t know how to process this or where to look. I als feel like I am making all of this up because there’s still not a lot of emotion like i would assume ptsd to look like”",4.376645239051828,5.662726274809162,5.055833668139818,83.37532543190041,70.6030534351145,7.3478505423864995,29.056649256729607,7.669130373188453,1.7883480916030532,1052,40,201,12,19,339,148,262,0.075,0.8190000000000001,0.106,0.7049,1,0,0,0,1,1,35.0,1,0,0,2,14,12,1,1,11,0,18,4,4,5,2,38,40,14,1,5,4,1,2,7,0,4,0,1,2,2,12,10,0,0,11,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,13,6,36,8,34,22,5,28,0,1,3,0,15,16,0,5,17,139,48,1,0.0,0.13148783500724515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874707694469415,0.1846810322866098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764964214835666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331840567636775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992510382427375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483251423475515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222510673364136,0.15856185605903292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23192049894072195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887572548450074,0.0,0.0,0.10988320453984828,0.09813527886178597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34167867560063675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438454650785377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527784519302973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277796176615093,0.0,0.12197847839699755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379519207411148,0.1112266174531874,0.0,0.0,0.27957444084113925,0.0,0.12114288084507632,0.09434741187902423,0.0,0.0,0.14815403215260342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118372144937596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857959500272496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972443496841066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109375475180513,0.1141013094005328,0.0,0.11914616858639684,0.12571362184406973,0.0,0.10556312515873503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253707407672477,0.0,0.0918000904115275,0.0,0.11105565730349352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975761911906924,0.0,0.15709807732684447,0.0,0.08862518732862792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745439821155726,0.0,0.0,0.08810216053498801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334898770209534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31533527905642084,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LiL_ViViD42,2020/01/20,"Need Help with supporting my love interest Hello, could someone please help me with advise on how to support someone as their partner with ptsd. I also have been diagnosed but have worked through my issues and want to help them so badly. Please direct message me",5.79031914893617,8.328113936170215,5.06058510638298,79.70875000000002,69.21276595744679,7.253191489361702,30.89893617021277,8.07648339933343,2.512365957446809,213,9,33,3,4,64,37,47,0.07400000000000001,0.5670000000000001,0.358,0.9105,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,9,9,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,4,8,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,1,0,0,0,24,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612733594795807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838386846084807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610150216141974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468818187574087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055202533429661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048838715746565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201271629617125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495338334273817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427405257134755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23573841701832834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341744293784225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576995869521221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189486668059142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681628048122675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,yoyoyofoso,2020/01/20,"I hate the insominia Can't sleep. Nothing helps. I hate when these thoughts intrude in my mind, and all I do is cry. Sometimes I just want to die. But I wont, I keep living and hoping that one day all these memories will be gone so that I can move on. I just want some peace.",0.33090395480225965,2.2182617796610167,1.8450000000000024,99.34908192090398,83.7457627118644,5.289265536723164,20.002824858757066,6.42735559955562,-0.13798531073446352,211,6,52,2,6,68,45,59,0.221,0.614,0.165,-0.7666,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,0,7,1,1,0,2,14,15,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,2,0,9,1,3,10,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653652068748061,0.15579965508112728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25072276923736586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477022125948299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192654346327048,0.0,0.0,0.2399442816474518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147281488595067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332030599572066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392777951080885,0.0,0.0,0.25676219893111923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23180332961437555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370142804803986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417553048777077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389296260727025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917882005985008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28498127489315994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,openlygrowing,2020/01/20,"mental gap between trauma and diagnosis this is literally the number one thing NOT to do when diagnosed with PTSD, but i am really feeling like my trauma wasn’t “bad enough” for the diagnosis. sometimes i question the trauma in general and wonder if i just overreacted. tonight has been really bad with it and i don’t know how to stop this mental block that i have because i know that i shouldn’t compare trauma but it’s just so damn hard :(",4.201781512605038,6.181271800000001,5.6657142857142855,76.07000000000002,72.17647058823529,8.621848739495798,27.43697478991597,9.23628265651192,2.5364621848739497,353,13,63,8,7,119,57,85,0.395,0.542,0.063,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,1,0,21,13,9,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,2,8,1,7,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,4,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701578827364895,0.1351234118875934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498278699993987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290366323586741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207922791404833,0.15835574517112552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856607469165333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436398427905032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829310833562876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467673595452568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020425699135226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591116183538849,0.0,0.24831274690822144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28400536649984554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219229895459068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853197881233266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726272565110285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403835422779254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,VioletShow,2020/01/20,"I don't remember what happened to me. I was diagnosed with ptsd about 3 years ago and my trauma was about 9 years ago. That time in my life is so hazy and confusing and there are a lot of extended periods of time that i have no recollection of. The problem is that I don't know what specifically happened that traumatized me. I know a bit about the circumstances and surrounding issues, but there is not a moment i can pin point that could have caused this. My family and therapist have speculated that it was some form of sexual assault but it feels so weird not even knowing if that happened or not. What if I am making that up? What if it is a lot worse than what i think it is? What if i never remember? How can i heal if i don't even know how to identify the wound?",3.291666666666668,4.633223681528662,4.769824840764333,84.16815552016986,73.33121019108279,9.309766454352443,25.82218683651805,9.725611199111238,2.229093842887473,606,20,130,16,12,203,81,157,0.145,0.855,0.0,-0.9636,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,1,7,0,19,4,0,4,1,37,29,17,0,7,11,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,19,6,0,0,9,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,1,16,0,13,25,5,13,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,10,9,104,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27532982266711953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954840185221978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595368430760876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239951621478136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762718314715154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051496099192225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640390304338374,0.0,0.07852482059173603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41199632010855775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620938309616723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413973365126118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969364539856943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26406260797519554,0.0,0.0,0.10366458213612957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977765748824575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680958423616902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860202394460856,0.1815384859724116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518513775949471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803163589925724,0.0,0.09951057037935897,0.0,0.0,0.18111445184623254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826492368908154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001742483432752
ptsd,idkhonestlyha,2020/01/20,"I can't accept I have PTSD I've been through a lot and still currently go through it at home nut, I don't find it enough to cause PTSD. While in a mental hospital they diagnosed me with PTSD. I just figured it's something they say to a lot of people and I don't really have it. I got diagnosed by my therapist again but I just don't believe it. 

 When I have my ""attacks"" it's more like my brain flips upside down and I freak out thinking I'm not inside my body. My heart hets hugged with anxiety and fear and everything hits really hard. I just don't believe I have it.

My therapist said I experience the physical aspects of it but my brain can't connect to the emotional part.",1.1412765957446815,3.36168596453901,3.2235177304964537,88.69400000000002,82.97163120567376,7.447943262411349,24.293617021276606,8.447377352677275,1.7454034042553193,535,21,115,13,15,181,78,141,0.106,0.825,0.07,-0.5707,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,6,6,1,1,5,0,11,7,4,1,0,21,17,9,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,8,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,3,3,22,3,14,13,5,10,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,6,80,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129520817345407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506383464884207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983671119213324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708044900332062,0.0,0.2956323065329689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602412308210593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26879182197767243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894625217865848,0.0,0.13681751953613852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900382651159412,0.1295248433271292,0.0,0.14900088728457656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102263582566512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525308121660584,0.0,0.10590238083299998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861560102226475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569094625922097,0.0,0.0,0.13282054437939067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469006426070918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514476277726747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344066692128265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338984546554362,0.0,0.09179816255416122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643494170485761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696536898019458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595461973225774,0.10529974307131414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193761974323608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574480200251776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074822609799928,0.0,0.08484459020413777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Joesph_Kerr,2020/01/20,"A question about my Illness Hello, to provide a little backstory I was diagnosed with PTSD, GAD, and Major Depressive Disorder and I've had these for years without knowing and just recently having it put in writing.
My question is, is it normal for those who have PTSD to remember the trauma wrong? As forgetting some of it or in the wrong order or sequence of events? I also have seizures but on a stressor level so that may also be the reason why I personally experience the problem if it is just me. 
Thanks, I really appreciate the help",8.769108910891093,7.825724524752477,9.462257425742576,63.20130693069312,61.17821782178218,12.43643564356436,40.9920792079208,11.602472056035307,5.07263801980198,431,21,69,11,5,147,72,101,0.16899999999999998,0.726,0.10400000000000001,-0.5147,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,8,0,10,2,0,1,0,22,12,11,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,7,1,13,8,2,10,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,7,3,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27428129959047026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770425669444975,0.17405894165302946,0.0,0.0,0.1965426247129349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775032053741046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494626520677582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424652824804057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187823100429586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680239837285535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973862665852156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409295972224644,0.4009257300265637,0.17239501541885074,0.3842165394263085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986101242660193,0.17632048572628248,0.1693258823024682,0.0,0.1942649649019108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788513435837667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547432305662761,0.0,0.0,0.16531043172704787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749952221889053,0.0,0.11043406531704092
ptsd,Imaginary_Juggernaut,2020/01/20,"9 years and I still can’t sleep I survived the 22/7 terror attack in Norway back in 2011. I was on Utoya island where 69 people died.

I lost 3 friends there and I still suffer from horrible survivors guilt. I saw and heard people getting shot  right behind me and I just kept running. I was so fucking scared, but I still get flashbacks and lie awake at night thinking about the people I might‘ve been able to help. I didn’t know them, but I will never be able to get their screams out of my fucking head.

I remember seeing Anders Breivik maybe 20 feet away from me, and the moment I saw him firing his rifle my mind went to a place I can’t even describe. You hear stories about people being heroes and helping others. I ran and hid like a fucking coward. I saw people helping others. I saw so many brave people that day, but I wasn’t one of them. I keep thinking that maybe the number of people killed could’ve been 67 or 68 instead of 69 had I just stopped and helped. I fucking hate myself for it and I don’t know if I’ll ever look at myself the same way again.",2.1621428571428574,4.1516830368663635,3.0516382488479263,92.50888594470044,78.07834101382487,4.708663594470046,21.449078341013823,4.935628992294339,-0.08465880184331809,837,23,171,2,20,265,132,217,0.18600000000000005,0.6940000000000001,0.12,-0.9185,0,0,0,1,0,0,18.0,0,1,3,3,16,17,7,3,7,0,13,7,3,0,2,30,38,17,2,1,7,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,5,11,0,3,5,0,0,3,6,13,0,1,16,10,35,4,20,19,1,26,0,2,6,4,13,10,4,2,13,112,40,0,0.2094849965506121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915971290617013,0.0984090250418509,0.0805405158051408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362836189817707,0.0,0.0,0.0675502462568878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087061765019562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918143226081144,0.09474558631120968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092379434250048,0.3873310074295561,0.16417089678497188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341153214046833,0.10749602144194803,0.0,0.11805240800917136,0.0,0.28082675486732983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309994509418132,0.11588205544942325,0.0,0.11512747559826415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117189390936614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879573184789754,0.0,0.11433880994155965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619245326598696,0.21045583573237106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111523835035032,0.10576006452819772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078387184011228,0.0,0.0,0.0982937391799508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097622758850901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083068199554377,0.0,0.10943361739334484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118652832216169,0.0894495212238239,0.0,0.0,0.10486551325014283,0.0,0.08346621006845195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481814205490078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509424832721806,0.08756941861676246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342295271562059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313971976895082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970973452713946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745073477159656
ptsd,earthlywittchy,2020/01/20,"Just taking a shot. ⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS - CAR ACCIDENT, DEATH⚠️⚠️


It’s been a few months since it happened. Without getting into too much detail I was involved in an accident where the other driver died at the scene. I’ve been told and reassured by many people the accident wander my fault but I can’t stop the moments my brain tells me otherwise or it decides to just play on repeat. 

People have told me about support groups but I’m scared to go to one in person. Are there online support groups for a scenario like this?",1.3091872278664738,3.868090150943394,2.9522641509434,88.41922351233673,86.16981132075472,5.148330914368652,23.248185776487666,6.67199483983844,0.9217193033381714,420,16,79,5,13,138,77,106,0.17300000000000001,0.69,0.13699999999999998,-0.24600000000000002,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,8,0,6,1,1,0,0,10,15,4,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,5,0,6,5,12,10,2,12,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341148035912665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765432039562935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956907300733754,0.0,0.11918765263023486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545305970475295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245769054346153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21262127866614006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739501951993774,0.0,0.15416696429916274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211044006082255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29078430633574753,0.1831177917358457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099644450192577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734810136115091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533375664379866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759713228417586,0.0,0.0,0.15768194247714148,0.0,0.183302899155901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007893424804542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021608043580488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,friendlyantisocial,2020/01/21,"Pain symptoms Part of hyper vigilance for me means my muscles are almost always clenched, I physically can’t relax them without help like a massage or cbd oil. As a result I’m in pain almost constantly. I get debilitating migraines and it’s painful to do simple things like put on my socks and shoes. Has anyone else experienced this physical symptom of ptsd? Did you find something that helps? Cbd oil is expensive and I can’t drive on it so I can’t always take it. Any suggestions would be appreciated.",4.686131578947368,6.898155126315789,5.80967105263158,74.56082236842106,71.42105263157895,8.539473684210527,30.822368421052627,9.188382445141503,2.9916578947368415,407,18,70,9,8,135,73,95,0.163,0.7490000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.7606,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,10,7,1,1,0,11,14,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,1,1,2,4,3,0,0,1,3,9,3,9,11,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,3,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301900546040935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743726504759195,0.0,0.0,0.1121182979228042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528201117542472,0.1689303718824806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816755834351872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772901217598746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068959667759427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613857255155326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101982999679048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109580866402928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959343606164502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263048146937733,0.0,0.0,0.17853980648703646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192726002302915,0.16574143114448228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692616303209486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342729307432272,0.1239628762874312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953332229281128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158930276904962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712000852502667,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,G-scarler,2020/01/21,"Was What I Went Through Trauma or PTSD? I tried posting on r/psychology but they immediately took my post down, and I don't know where else to post so I guess I'm going with here. It's in the middle between medical and mental and I don't know where to post it. 
So, basically when I was 10 or 11 my mom would bring me to the clinic to get blood drawn, but I wouldn't do it I would cry and panic. But I let them attempt to take blood twice, and my vein kept rolling so I never let them again. My mom insisted to bring me literally every dang day. She could be just waited until I was older, it wasn't a big concern, I was just skinnier than normal. Now, whenever I look at someone else bleed or when I get something small likey nose pierced, I start seeing black, my heart starts to rapidly beat, I panic, I have to sit down or I might throw up, and I feel like I'm about to die. I'm 18 now, and have an appointment tomorrow at the clinic to get blood drawn, but I'm afraid I might start panicking again. Any help?",1.2534507042253509,3.09092104694836,3.0226549295774667,92.36046126760564,80.31455399061034,6.13793427230047,20.509154929577466,7.1686216300943375,0.3294828169014088,785,21,180,10,20,261,118,213,0.11900000000000001,0.847,0.033,-0.9623,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,2,15,5,0,3,5,0,19,10,6,0,1,32,43,21,1,5,10,2,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,3,0,0,6,5,4,0,1,8,5,31,1,23,26,0,37,0,0,3,0,7,12,1,7,15,114,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310221597234578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756913467186573,0.0,0.13423423379142416,0.07881081160217783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682739843328394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416981576704404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296128004875132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178949777303293,0.08730183233508683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153803774270808,0.0,0.06945076891185012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462035822268328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481111803524974,0.0819100806329162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431912231828402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24992165026421806,0.0,0.059702202637143875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261972442435706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310664454247636,0.1231518599898621,0.25927609745368235,0.0,0.2862453031919412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425047067739427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973297288704188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867577305884331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681466939337671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284874247637053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737995227784724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354218721116712,0.09407782323003802,0.0,0.0,0.2594876917027241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188143156511476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577200566454348,0.08296780086085216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328338546915688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361897965720227,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Throwaway20512505,2020/01/21,"Weird Tip?? I don't know if I have PTSD but I have extreme anxiety.

I noticed crossing my leg and sitting on my foot, or crossing my legs in general, relieves me overtime.

I remember watching a video on trauma release exercises and how trauma tends to accumulate around the psoas. It's also well known yoga helps with PTSD.

If Im going to sit on the computer for hours or sit, I don't have to put effort into crossing one of my legs and doing whatever I want to do.

Idk if it'd be weird to call it some lifehack.",3.1650714285714305,4.45635659047619,5.262083333333333,80.713125,73.57142857142857,7.916666666666668,30.267857142857146,8.472884824447931,2.3726428571428566,402,18,79,7,8,140,69,105,0.138,0.762,0.1,-0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,9,5,4,1,0,19,13,11,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,3,0,5,2,4,1,1,0,1,12,2,14,11,1,15,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,6,1,54,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428714191092455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585619472622014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162771360580152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480792598778709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807416528916186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284435995967958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392569526809808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624278453386377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351904512395876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27660034853701043,0.0,0.0,0.1646293047749478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5679914330413098,0.2442319974087072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752151521855316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329828920542814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21844135606645326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,honeyburr,2020/01/21,"Gave myself a black eye yesterday I’m just pissed off about it more than anything. I was trying to hurt myself in a way that wouldn’t show on the outside but couldn’t even manage that. I was just trying to not die, I mean it worked but now I have this stupid bruiser. My fiancé, I feel terrible for, because seeing someone you love pummel themselves is scary af. Also me having a black eye gives him anxiety when we’re out (people give him looks) and that fucking sucks, I feel terrible for him. This isn’t the first time, there have been too many incidents to count. I have antidepressants, therapy is available, family is loving and supportive. I’m so fucking lucky, but I can’t cope for shit. I can’t function man. I feel really stupid for even being in my situation. It never got better man, it just never got better",3.799346153846152,5.6086260500000025,4.771250000000002,82.77644230769229,72.875,7.6730769230769225,24.18269230769231,8.384062270229773,1.5599711538461538,648,19,122,11,13,211,100,160,0.23800000000000002,0.642,0.12,-0.9703,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,4,12,16,7,0,5,0,16,8,4,0,2,19,35,8,1,2,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,8,10,0,1,6,9,19,6,14,26,1,13,0,1,6,4,11,5,5,1,7,84,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233967557256934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804204454895395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697894429597095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940622120130619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729384819641488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014306423173996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383251268132915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546396376496554,0.0,0.23406203153932065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125080005329612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853028981321027,0.0,0.2960446807685334,0.0,0.0,0.2468218148033843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651854931057091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957639534471796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785305491774329,0.0,0.0,0.15643991364184326,0.0,0.16808215919746966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380173269500827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697488054099444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988510156137074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296021321227747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839071366560598,0.0,0.1734440242849474,0.0,0.0,0.13074117534607724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510221250780328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764599325490124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997583231392743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095244091822159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247923633785762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233506115057168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,M30W-M30W,2020/01/21,"To My Stalkers I went through a sort of long term mental breakdown awhile ago. Because it was noticeable, a lot of people either became concerned, or interpreted my symptoms as me being an asshole. 
Its become very aparent to me that my online activity is being monitored by some of these people. I'll post something and then have the exact topic brought up the next day. Or I'll vent about someone and their behavior changed the next day or they passive aggressively say something about it. I thought i was paranoid....... But some new evidence suggest that the things i have been noticing are real and that my fruends are gaslighting me. I'll probably delete all my accounts soon. But it sucks that I can't have this one place to ask for advice and vent. I haven't been able to find a therapist so its kinda been one of my only options to go online. Plus many people I once trusted have shown me that I cannot rely on them for the amount of issues I'm facing (they aren't bad for this, its a lot).",3.836675257731958,5.733039613402062,4.527409793814432,84.19925902061858,72.96907216494846,6.7056701030927846,28.619845360824733,7.413659706084162,1.7115783505154645,791,32,147,9,16,253,117,194,0.026000000000000002,0.9309999999999999,0.043,0.4497,1,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,0,4,4,2,0,10,0,18,2,1,0,2,24,25,13,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,15,5,0,0,3,0,1,3,4,3,0,2,8,1,22,1,21,15,8,17,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,10,10,106,37,0,0.14374562994070428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046656592865436,0.1274218278274222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343827597608701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002159674151425,0.08762600181315308,0.15875575474892967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520638164869226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540807906498571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138090159414612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169395411464417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003309137097748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721035908634576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441478836643066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573550699111865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486178564724642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883042513244806,0.3057502164011113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273107048542243,0.0,0.15308440453699693,0.1948115180279284,0.10932502899606883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29896536161445986,0.0,0.15018358859027708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376685785210291,0.0,0.15498210140355162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361399679587788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431229445597113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217952057765583,0.22132481740886728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940674872708154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689975555461742,0.09549820926404697,0.0,0.0,0.11411797363024333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860519896129047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325363908087384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mangosparklingwater,2020/01/21,"I can’t have fun anymore... (L) (FEMALE) (18) (Texas) I can’t have fun anymore (female) (wanting advice) (18) (3PM)

I can’t have fun anymore

I can’t even post a picture of me and my family having fun or me in makeup without getting creeps texting me. It really triggers me. People texting me “let me cum for you” “like to see u without clothes” I’m a teenager! I’m in high school! It’s very upsetting. It makes me have flashbacks. Even memes! It’s constant. I just want to disappear...",-1.3894318181818193,-0.2867872916666627,1.3534848484848503,93.1309090909091,119.83333333333334,3.412121212121213,22.071969696969685,5.565023196281405,0.5051208333333332,364,17,72,4,22,124,57,96,0.036000000000000004,0.774,0.19,0.9258,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,10,0,0,2,0,9,17,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,1,14,5,8,16,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,2,43,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170092545471712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5836616603290536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199657283180395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591448074150617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493728198620424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249386779126438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727072422766926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060326044556576,0.0,0.0958416887222965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309490092816062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360037437176947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878823884818346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567537468395215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854059435798385,0.15632688011076726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186575256754449,0.2314193856049223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782133440713137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ashmeizter,2020/01/21,"How do you know if you suffer from PTSD? I have a feeling I have PTSD. I’m constantly on edge, and I have been for months now. I have anxiety. I get scared at night that someone is going to hurt me (like my dad). I’m constantly on the verge of tears. There was a period of time a few months ago that I was hyper-vigilant. I started feeling weird things and I was scared of things happening (like monsters, for example). I felt numb. My dad hurt me almost two years ago, but it’s only really triggered me sometime late last year.  Is that even possible? I’m so anxious and nervous all the time to be touched by him or by my mom even (sometimes).",1.4417439812096262,3.52569566412214,3.1125190839694667,90.69547269524372,80.90839694656488,6.778860833822668,23.817381092190253,7.882392219407189,1.2504722254844394,496,18,107,9,13,164,82,131,0.183,0.797,0.02,-0.9496,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,0,6,10,0,3,5,0,12,1,0,2,1,14,23,8,0,1,3,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,0,1,5,4,18,2,13,17,2,21,0,3,0,0,6,4,0,3,18,69,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484245873022144,0.0,0.14031487397403528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719518606488647,0.15830128319785486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028505328569939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510238624244527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170274734144936,0.0,0.13454190500609395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732094912208458,0.0,0.07963622552763648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391201069506992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30001326622808683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700899561810269,0.11422051820795588,0.15806702172982012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691592327056318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411262163384485,0.22369276065952504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149775221701968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657132170060654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796980169653602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32759708352909184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976761671575319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28057899501071304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872739642147186,0.0,0.27717427273635625,0.0,0.09918114496477527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861855510082061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634159442610221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136881693303699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047171837899675
ptsd,Britmccar,2020/01/21,"Survivors of Murder-Suicide Hi all,

On Jan. 30, 2018 I became a survivor of murder-suicide.

Facts were written in the media, case files, autopsy reports and death certificates. They were illustrated with crime scene photos and national news headlines.

Breadcrumbs of truth built the narrative for me, never telling the full story.

There are 11 murder-suicides each week in the United States, often in military and veteran communities. Why aren’t we talking about this publicly beyond sensationalized headlines that don’t help solve the problem?

The lack of support, information, and humanization led me to believe nobody *should* be talking about it. I felt voiceless and carried significant guilt and shame because of the stigmatized circumstances.

I’m taking back the narrative. As a survivor of murder-suicide, I am more than a murderer’s daughter.

My writing will add to the national conversation on mental health and veteran post-traumatic stress disorder. I hope my story will educate the public and help survivors of this type of tragedy to know they are not alone; the shame is not theirs to carry as they navigate their complex journey.

If you are a survivor of murder-suicide, or know somebody who is looking for support, please consider following my blog here: [www.brittanynoblemccarthy.com](https://www.brittanynoblemccarthy.com). I am connecting with researchers and fellow survivors to reduce the stigma on this awful experience, and help other survivors. I am committed to taking my experience and turning it into a force for good to help others.

Thanks for your time.",9.497137916126242,11.82361451361868,8.252263294422827,61.32826956333767,59.50583657587549,10.380371811500217,40.347816688283615,10.504223727775694,5.052867012537829,1298,67,165,30,18,398,157,257,0.11900000000000001,0.7170000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.7987,1,1,0,0,0,5,50.0,1,2,5,0,7,12,1,4,17,1,16,2,1,1,5,39,30,15,2,5,4,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,9,17,0,0,5,1,0,3,5,6,0,0,4,2,20,6,35,22,5,19,0,0,1,0,25,11,0,4,4,122,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222703154903954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077770505731304,0.0,0.07196578493828311,0.0,0.0,0.13300857960840304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530229690452936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309626597114325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133521840220184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901969337312616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254879082254418,0.0,0.0,0.31652154286205403,0.0,0.0,0.11725615301176015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976087773186515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913722844579713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897258685721007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105199312395523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958993397784713,0.0,0.0,0.11306492490356175,0.0,0.0,0.11296355886520933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523264219783718,0.0,0.0,0.6456700031282356,0.26793688768034146,0.0,0.0,0.1775266991232661,0.18977773177335933,0.1031860659364638,0.10869001753166622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883934854783078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284109258277695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469732729178992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652709332962527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TheHayleStorm204,2020/01/21,PTSD Related Loss of Appetite So since the new year I’ve been struggling with my mental health and my appetite is gone. I’ve lost almost 8lbs when I really didn’t have weight to spare to begin with. When I eat though I have to choke it down and sometimes it comes back up. Has anyone found a solution to keeping weight on when they can’t eat? I’ve been living on smoothies and protein drinks but it’s not helping.,3.1296428571428585,4.903002202380957,3.5590476190476217,90.91928571428572,74.59523809523809,6.2285714285714295,23.904761904761905,6.868970318607317,0.7193761904761904,331,10,68,3,7,103,59,84,0.12300000000000001,0.856,0.021,-0.7296,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,1,2,0,8,6,0,0,0,11,14,9,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,5,1,1,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,6,2,6,0,11,8,0,13,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,7,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916228982024601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338058053779395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714671576748706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484270676994878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746337260831045,0.0,0.3916252594026058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982019537827495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034104470062062,0.0,0.0,0.1282669171698152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009266729662215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897747234380506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889586066680632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284939414747015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184820056279192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236936855323487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225923552693587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829786085680725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892633900620117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005467481866285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801366258473656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660583674430454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232318169125851
ptsd,AreWeRollingTucker,2020/01/21,"It’s been almost two years and I’ve just been diagnosed with PTSD. I was sexually assaulted nearly two years ago. Today I thought I saw the perpetrator in his car (it wasn’t actually him, I just seem to think I see him more and more lately) and freaked out and had to stop, turn around and go home. Home is my safe place, whenever I feel threatened I just want to go home and lock myself away in my bedroom. 

I’ve been having a lot of very vivid nightmares lately about the assault and as a result have not been sleeping well. I’m afraid to go to sleep for fear of a nightmare and then when I do get to sleep, I’ll have a nightmare and then be up for the rest of the night. 

I went to the doctor this morning who knows I’ve suffered previously with depression and anxiety. She’s just diagnosed me with PTSD and referred me for urgent therapy as I am type one diabetic and confessed to her that last night I attempted an insulin overdose and was disappointed when I woke up this morning. 

I don’t know how to feel about being diagnosed with PTSD. It’s hard to accept but I also feel hopeful that now there’s a name being put to it, maybe I can target it easier and get better. 

What should I expect now?",5.0028415300546465,5.224972836065575,5.939245901639342,81.45384153005467,68.59016393442622,9.129617486338796,29.38142076502732,9.029198982220553,2.187901420765028,948,32,196,16,15,314,134,244,0.105,0.8170000000000001,0.078,-0.0744,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,15,13,2,2,11,0,20,9,3,2,0,48,41,23,0,4,6,0,4,0,0,1,6,0,4,0,11,20,0,2,11,0,0,6,3,8,1,3,12,7,26,5,33,25,4,31,1,3,3,0,8,9,0,4,16,138,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.10477387701425553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517361602285426,0.0,0.10751169264622128,0.0,0.0,0.08586067330488374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213481273193593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557863860546592,0.0,0.0,0.10087403448199864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949566368031148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247430975949383,0.3269231540184193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989380650160294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081677104661084,0.16286265797578425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218876653630157,0.0,0.18305597603323395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961789837123105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230910149532804,0.106638815070334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801125901192375,0.08751774419680018,0.2422273929542877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127886334278328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786373110381213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151172173865592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275408354183588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121747775646746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765158599226154,0.10793263791858324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555692274104057,0.09774211277810647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223310729322381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976291096633883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278255235228905,0.0,0.0,0.0687958952194636,0.0,0.08523673211077269,0.0,0.0,0.10177055850531863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678354287288015,0.2097622600164944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858832004469809,0.06332733846204258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965350651876717,0.0995294989545094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828056404974226
ptsd,clowds1xxx,2020/01/21,Sexual assault My brother sexually assaulted me as a child.I pretend that he doesn't exist but I'm triggered when I find his stuff in my personal space. I find it hard to do anything and can't even move. Is it always going to be like this?,0.6346666666666678,2.992156200000004,3.4720000000000013,85.01266666666669,87.0,6.533333333333335,24.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.6563333333333334,190,8,38,4,6,67,42,50,0.152,0.7809999999999999,0.067,-0.2846,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,7,4,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,4,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26697358074031324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640328823230285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119189371623412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5865036640576067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182346912063388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28741930854227915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675150131287205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410136391234753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801545556945353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672974200663853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Spyder8ite,2020/01/21,"I think I have ptsd So uhm I’ve posted once here about my partner having ptsd. And hearing a lot about ptsd from her has made me realize I show some symptoms of it and I’ve been think so for a few months. And towards the beginning of January some stuff has resurfaced that I’d forgotten. And things kept happening that I think might have been flashbacks. 
And last night a triggering thing came up for me, and I think I’ve been dissociating all day because of it. And earlier on the phone with my partner, I think I was having a flashback. It felt like I was back in middle school, where there was a lot of trauma, and I had a hard time being able to tell where I was and that recent things had happened. I could remember recent things, but they felt like a distant memory. 
And honestly I’ve been really scared to actually think about whether or not I actually do have ptsd as I’m afraid I’m pretending or that I’m encroaching. 
But tonight has made it impossible to not think about it and I’m not sure what to do. I looked up the symptoms and they almost all fit. And I took a test to see, which I realize isn’t the most reliable thing, and it said there was a high risk of it. 
I’ve kind mentioned it to my partner a bit as well in the last few weeks, and she said she wouldn’t be surprised at all if I did. But I still feel confused and am feeling some doubt and am not quite sure what to do at the moment.  And I think I just needed to get this all out there. But I’m also kinda looking for guidance because this is a whole new territory for me, and am very lost and confused.",4.620889570552143,4.7310665184049085,5.462705521472393,84.929763803681,69.39877300613497,8.973987730061351,28.876687116564426,8.841846274778883,1.9403293251533733,1239,41,272,20,20,406,152,326,0.091,0.83,0.078,-0.4823,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,2,17,16,0,6,17,0,33,2,0,3,6,76,67,33,0,4,13,0,5,2,3,2,2,3,0,3,23,23,0,1,15,2,0,2,6,8,1,0,22,11,30,8,34,40,14,32,0,1,3,0,14,14,0,15,17,195,53,2,0.0868872055120337,0.0,0.16957875789933646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700498548946904,0.0,0.0,0.06948366685649061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681089781163156,0.0,0.105931268044502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485832483020988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937581609010752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937236352509953,0.0,0.0,0.05603505955609255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786556355060479,0.0,0.16685068604981734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539497874287916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366813776977722,0.0,0.07783386975235726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792819538181244,0.0,0.0,0.09180110306207173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047965397736596,0.0,0.14164933834629362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489739954181154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592673905644066,0.0,0.09484764867152133,0.1477367900209171,0.0,0.16442954940045226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217359437703644,0.0,0.0,0.06935253848741185,0.0,0.0,0.06442576194338955,0.0,0.08391620451196946,0.0,0.08153775647232309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253203817869184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321392503855897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062659743986272,0.0,0.0,0.09241523821957597,0.0,0.0,0.0556621687250603,0.0,0.1715812665851146,0.0,0.09842626619668536,0.0,0.1652992588236022,0.0,0.08698925031310009,0.08793449066469354,0.06923785346867098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938823455868898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946506272948807,0.0,0.0,0.16378032585450336,0.1806181500876188,0.0,0.0,0.07594324732612287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886199927531444,0.4453905035241644,0.0,0.0,0.05066462826246451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653488231876796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169104411171501,0.0,0.0,0.06969567530630934,0.0,0.07812203248921247,0.0,0.0,0.0970064620331922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,treyci,2020/01/21,"Just diagnosed with C-PTSD at 27 (first time posting) need help. Hi. I was abused in a unique group setting at 16 and have dealt with the fallout for over a decade. I finally have an actual diagnosis of C-PTSD and was wondering ... well, everything. I am wondering everything, lol. 

I am choosing to try and heal from this with therapy and learning new tools to help me cope with or (hopefully one day) eliminate with my issues. 
Mainly, I deal with stuffing, avoidance, self esteem issues, and “the fog” (shutting down and auto piloting essentially). 

Can you please share with me your real life stories of healing? I am overwhelmed right now. How is your life getting better? What tools do you use in real life to cope? What progress have you been making? Do and Don’t suggestions? Anything helps. 

Basically I have all the generic info from my therapist and psychiatrist (though I am choosing to try my best to face this med-free if I can) and I just want to hear real life information and examples and tips. If that makes sense? Sorry, I’m nervous posting here and it’s a lot for me to even make this post. I may end up deleting it. Everything feels so overwhelming. Thanks in advance.",2.8376363636363635,5.639285672727276,3.825636363636363,83.30845454545457,80.9090909090909,7.338181818181818,26.981818181818184,8.364918446050245,2.3044963636363645,928,40,168,21,25,298,136,220,0.040999999999999995,0.809,0.149,0.9703,0,1,0,0,1,0,41.0,0,5,0,5,9,10,0,4,7,1,18,8,1,5,1,47,32,18,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,8,19,0,1,8,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,3,2,22,6,28,28,4,22,0,2,0,0,16,10,0,8,7,113,30,1,0.0,0.12642444571712533,0.10412577961844537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780667090074422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197718705214074,0.09436926568752063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881397569508893,0.11000509740271573,0.0,0.1083003042919988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450631892782207,0.0,0.0,0.0704756779130394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28769068630789923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053951747374820114,0.0,0.0,0.1168868474124542,0.0,0.09076068374672124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574740151323568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026093146420624,0.0,0.21456034457462098,0.0,0.0,0.10597918176946874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227383737564704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014671692628889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907142417471071,0.0,0.0,0.21367328081663967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852189002823595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911819585151064,0.0,0.10305347586773324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230405025661535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712677600086616,0.0,0.0,0.3065731201390547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494579028690359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643507765896749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112294211371468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131347775919136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944417562416823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823688419455412,0.12202305910169935,0.12388926933681473,0.0,0.0,0.10483419294446823,0.0,0.06221880596671691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488733502031062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215628618862606,0.0,0.0,0.06293561598015661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593793042340236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23142757828397634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway127114,2020/01/21,"I flinch every time someone touches me I don’t even know if I should post this here since I don’t want to self-diagnose ptsd or anything but here goes. 

My mom verbally and physically abused me for as long as I can remember. She slapped me when I told her I was depressed and she almost kicked me out of the house because she said she gave me everything and I was still ungrateful. She said it so much I think she’s right. My dad didn’t do anything except watch it happen because he’s been physically abused by her before. There have been aggressive verbal threats she’s thrown at me and I don’t want to say them here because it’s too painful. Every time I think about it I relive every moment but I feel like I need to write it here. 

I’ve woken up crying in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because I have nightmares about her. Only 2 more years until I’m moving out and that’s what’s keeping me going. 

Because of this relationship, any time she, my dad, or my friends touch me I flinch and start sweating profusely. I can’t help it it just happens. My heart rate goes up and I get scared they’re going to hit me. I don’t like hugs from anyone and if anyone raises their voice at me I’m already tearing up. Maybe it’s being over dramatic but I can’t help it. I want to make good, loving relationships with other people but I don’t think I can.",1.7085791485435602,3.745758313167265,3.1663977856860406,90.89781600105444,79.74733096085409,5.871148016343748,21.795307763279293,6.937597516519254,0.5152252800843544,1070,32,228,12,27,350,148,281,0.122,0.755,0.12300000000000001,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,4,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,13,11,2,1,4,0,19,6,3,1,0,36,45,21,0,7,10,3,3,2,1,1,1,4,0,0,14,11,0,1,6,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,10,9,51,6,28,32,2,27,0,1,1,2,29,12,0,5,13,145,65,0,0.0,0.2560536386222466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820089387802298,0.0,0.11924074015906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348071140347125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110832665379192,0.0,0.17783916276562442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293448595952842,0.0,0.09194635341091624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869270726759057,0.0,0.0,0.09306711419431914,0.10967296245818713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713689257708124,0.0,0.2731215293047757,0.0,0.09711234591408677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463556176572435,0.07719409972104106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348257737349514,0.0,0.0564539750213267,0.0,0.12281963477024666,0.09063092145554344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110433469670074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804500876250022,0.14485320097902749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468029379557542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604373389732716,0.0,0.0,0.059383883736155815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557986380510948,0.0,0.0,0.0956247620237066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752333338610047,0.0,0.07212716485738231,0.0,0.1085551890700456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655203154537753,0.0,0.11484474876727925,0.07943243209765828,0.0801209837784665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140175399697952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218025604257581,0.11497752200209672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491132997617299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348626600668404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630983539293308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320200191353483,0.12240459467517098,0.09227788485775587,0.2055689965519651,0.08592921230822477,0.10818132534250896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272432655829548,0.0,0.0,0.08938373338654346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155415998870382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764814751073381,0.0,0.0862923999312294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771072916820255,0.0,0.0,0.1890222049399664,0.0,0.0,0.10325062952613602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911998907241632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958350421183326
ptsd,Bra1nD3adGam3r,2020/01/21,"Best friend needs help Hey guys,
I hope this is an okay place for this. My best friend works as a first responder and has had some- bad calls he had to go on. He has PTSD and he's having nightmares and seeing the faces of the people he lost. As far as I can tell he hasn't had any triggering incidents at work. But his first child is coming this week. Is there anything I can do to try and help? Or any techniques he could try and get himself grounded again?",2.2567631578947385,3.865389873684212,2.7044078947368426,96.8239802631579,76.57894736842105,6.0131578947368425,20.296052631578945,6.6274283507984215,-0.0431842105263156,358,8,83,3,8,110,65,95,0.053,0.7170000000000001,0.23,0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,7,2,8,0,0,4,1,14,1,1,1,0,13,21,10,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,4,1,6,6,9,16,3,11,0,1,1,0,18,5,0,3,4,50,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675748066423786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493015749620579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514866175682798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807995500843859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526049352384336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628603061691312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485723142588133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30864882790821946,0.0,0.0,0.2803450059013421,0.0,0.09478977804974212,0.0,0.10311094936737436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964439740859434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432176434947172,0.0,0.0,0.18020110077123747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805246780787894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452817567972472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578083897847658,0.0,0.18955591716384745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21208216530142607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457635942753674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585779695854372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463583585242651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553234248068167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641666560740433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DommyTrulock,2020/01/21,I dont know what to do So my brother killed himself in 2015 and I have ptsd from how close I was to him and I've tried therapy and meds for the depression that seems to consume me. Nothing has worked and I feel lost. I dont know what there is to do I have tried everything I know and nothing helps. They say it's better to feel pain than feel nothing. I would rather be numb than be in the constant pain I've been in the last 4 years. What do I do,0.1239393939393949,1.9385414444444464,1.7396868686868707,100.22286363636366,84.05050505050505,5.172121212121212,20.001010101010106,6.2581,-0.22992202020202024,349,10,88,3,10,113,57,99,0.218,0.754,0.028999999999999998,-0.9587,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,3,4,7,1,0,3,0,15,3,0,1,0,16,23,7,1,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,4,14,1,12,17,0,7,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158409082512596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299735669109936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788284329326134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752419374563292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438760241942728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428346467943617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073030542744479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711273259840846,0.0,0.2639391628145301,0.13049240853866725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475405482118145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782075467333475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608238660559877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34068806765323145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713333265623602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730774148933005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573734537069444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307362843980848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173773574635205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654536499457605,0.0,0.0,0.11372133108207745,0.0,0.0,0.10309088758252097
ptsd,fatalsoftness,2020/01/21,"how to bring up possible ptsd w/ my psych? hi! first post ever :). im not going to go into my story at all but i suspect i have/am developing ptsd and i would like to bring it up next week when i see my psych. im not sure how to go about it. should i just be straight forward about it or is it better to relay what im experiencing like symptoms and such without bringing it up directly?? i dont typically have much luck being taken seriously with the second approach, so if anyone has any advice id appreciate it!",0.6358099688473509,2.8617477757009335,3.7678738317757023,83.9303777258567,85.26168224299063,6.183489096573209,22.00077881619938,7.492282038375204,1.0422218068535831,400,14,83,7,12,144,73,107,0.063,0.752,0.185,0.9440000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,2,3,20,16,9,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,8,4,1,0,2,1,2,9,5,14,11,2,20,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,3,8,57,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676540656530346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667198532312548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199641928665406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173777420587425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107618040451047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519289489831986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459354805486415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925177985816748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5559679860763656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676387188557541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612207169567966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246429858610452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193416912669634,0.16431452388070544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40110714715901663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671732131317013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170061832403346,0.17832463329970824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376213380055552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538523397155958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218768405232536,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,leonibus,2020/01/22,"Where to turn? I feel at a loss for what to do next. I'm a freshman in college, and I've had PTSD for the vast majority of my life. I'm on a downward spiral, and I feel incredibly isolated and alone. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, but I don't feel like I'm making that much progress.

I'm struggling to get to my classes, eat, shower, etc. I don't know where to turn next. I don't have a lot of friends to lean on (or any close friends) as I have major trust issues, and I came here with major trust issues.

Has anyone felt so confused about where to go? I'm accepting that I can't do this alone, but I don't really have anyone irl that I can go to for support.",2.548620689655173,3.042302655172417,4.550517241379311,88.26370689655174,74.17241379310346,7.731034482758621,25.53448275862069,7.908726449838941,1.1634000000000002,515,16,122,7,10,178,76,145,0.125,0.71,0.16399999999999998,0.8669,1,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,0,2,7,0,14,2,0,1,0,20,32,10,0,0,3,0,4,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,5,8,1,0,6,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,3,4,13,7,20,29,6,15,0,1,0,0,2,10,0,3,3,75,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280840447104605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107709154269814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149690382880333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115348003094467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162070289427686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664429595430392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24025693430743075,0.1131522958442702,0.15207715323851234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447400857564015,0.0,0.08275110282110107,0.0,0.180030905201685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306314835957043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704580797207888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187400687607246,0.0773802921961999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134655667212952,0.0,0.0,0.10572510497361763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164332777870878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368945035213816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514689482836924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146729825565727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558134732514934,0.0,0.0,0.1797366300330761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390047584348468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34456094892385325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MicheleMayo81,2020/01/22,"I hate this I can't seem to have a normal relationship with anyone. I keep everyone at a distance, even loved ones. I feel all alone...all the time. I sit in my house struggling just to get through the day. This is not living. My past is sad and tragic, but why does it have to effect me this much. Why can't I just get over everything? I would give anything to not feel this way.",-0.07088607594936748,2.1870908354430405,1.5315063291139241,98.1532088607595,90.01265822784809,4.678987341772152,16.760759493670886,6.2581,-0.484752911392405,292,7,68,3,10,94,54,79,0.114,0.852,0.034,-0.5927,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,1,4,0,7,1,0,1,1,15,16,2,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,2,10,1,9,15,2,8,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609422184845391,0.0,0.1719380703483719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474764585241866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828429444235677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800149740967646,0.0,0.0,0.19964909558616056,0.1877798917157205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129053727672495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21832283458181787,0.20043225052177607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628289728105906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24108625785571974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857135854504928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449597356600875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857459173315733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359338050807975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471475803193648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158171300614447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945484568645294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243210873911923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190209196326506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184272346197966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183335648141973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584516173475247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770678720917871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842347330591688,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,katiekatiexo,2020/01/22,"Help? Advice needed. So
I have had issues since a young age but ill summarise. 

Sexually abused as a child, by someone of the same age and gender as me but obviously more to it like i reckon she was getting abused etc etc else how would she have known certain things to do etc.
From about 10 onwards been under Camhs who diagnosed me with panic attacks and anxiety.
I.rarely attended school, had to sit at the back of the class else i was TERRRRIBLY anxious, shaky and fidgety etc and just walked out crying. 
Everyone put  it down to anxiety and panic attacks.
Then
Last January my doctor finally felt i should see  a psychiatrist- who diagnosed me with Bipolar and Panic attacks/anxiety.
I get months where im on a high, rarely panic attacks, not anxious, just living life,sexually active, shopping etc...then months of sadness anxiety cant even do things like walk down the road..i look a mess, just have 0 energy and go into a bit of a slump. 
Im on carbamazepine and sertraline.

I have so many worries and doubts like is it bipolar? Is it something more? Because im fine recently like my moods been good just randomly hormonal etc though, not even due on a period but just up and down a bit. Then today i go into a shop, come over all faint..dizzy...sweaty...light headed cant even speak properly and just need to get out asap. 
My eyes get all wide and just vacant and i feel like a zombie.
Is this normal with bipolar? Like why are my physical effects so bad!? Doctors just put it down to stress but i just wondered if anyone else has experienced the same thing as i am going out of my mind here.",4.167597087378642,5.8201603592233,5.126395631067961,81.24066140776698,71.62135922330097,8.386245954692559,28.085355987055017,8.959647251330699,2.307958899676376,1257,47,237,25,24,411,168,309,0.22699999999999998,0.6659999999999999,0.107,-0.9928,0,0,1,0,2,0,46.0,0,0,0,1,21,23,3,7,16,0,22,10,2,2,4,60,37,28,0,6,16,0,2,6,0,2,8,1,0,1,11,22,0,0,6,2,2,9,4,13,0,0,7,7,20,9,36,28,13,43,0,1,3,0,7,19,0,5,20,158,31,4,0.0,0.1709040473429776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047616278028991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206905860392794,0.16295322692269784,0.0,0.05042893502961928,0.07389686093546463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24614539201294966,0.0,0.05545687758689629,0.060218326924868275,0.043964514450409733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747570173472958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062126169535980866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792219324485087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464033338409285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476385454124009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074443712161206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826063156666505,0.14290644336533145,0.0,0.0,0.06891505456307881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03646672894344205,0.051523517276731684,0.06924782015085769,0.07900542964865648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072174520398834,0.0,0.12296470060940046,0.060491978846771724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401732708798944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834143043447205,0.07620018143161421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337103495505877,0.07527596691771997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058788538054697824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094145269513242,0.21140913449974905,0.0,0.06368448626146041,0.0,0.06056378202942728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311974380288425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282201875032132,0.0,0.11513317028250812,0.0,0.0,0.10695415600043183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066362448684352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384755277415062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500378294376895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121114675066323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299067134537128,0.05747138999714305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965953807406151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110819817811615,0.05552254999580419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261477947016946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374268987406516,0.0,0.07085887453377733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836262070562514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507831378573704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821254341113097,0.0,0.07324274659990722,0.0,0.05123294814478472,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,leon385,2020/01/22,"Keep getting intrusive thoughts of abusers. Hate that they have a better life than me. I'm 23 living with parents as a neet virgin. I was bullied mercilessly throughout Primary, High school and college. I'm mixed race living in a chav town so have always been an outsider, add to that i'm not tough, good at sports/ uncoordinated and pretty shy/awkward so a natural target for bullies. In highschool i made some friends but they turned on me for reasons i still don't know and excluded me, called me racial slurs, isolated me from other people, would make fun of everything i said regardless of the logic, threw my bag away when i wasn't looking, when i moved to a safe area they would come and sit next to me and just talk amongst themselves just to get in my head. The ringleader was an exfriend who would put so much effort into just mental abuse, trying to make me as miserable as possible by making fun of my hobbies. Another just went along with it for whatever reason. It got so bad i changed schools but i was left out there with the new ""friends"" i made. Never invited to anything and always treated with indifference. Treated like shit by other students. I lost a testicle at 14 and have felt traumatized ever since. Also had to be treated for congenital curvature, lichen sclerosis and eventually circumcised. It anger me that i can't get it back no matter what, feel like pathetic, lame, unsexy, less of a man and contributes to my self hate and embarrassment as if i haven't suffered enough whilst the bullies get off unpunished. College was much the same but i really struggled with studying and social interactions. i have extreme ptsd, social anxiety and depression, i developed a stutter and mumble most of my sentences, speaking extremely fast just wanting to get to the end. I was extremely nervous and would make obvious mistakes brought on by poor working memory and fear of bullying by my peers. I was harassed every interaction with 3 students who made my life hell. Jumped on everything i said and mocked it, pretent to be friendly but getting off on making me uncomfortable, get in my face to make my flinch, find me and aggressively ask me questions about my self ad hobbies just out of pure sadism, trying to find something to mock. And met my old bully (the ringleader) in the same class. i ended up skipping mos of the last few classes. So i left with no qualifications. I have been on welfare for a long time and after becoming suicidal was admitted to a clinic. The doctors and nurses were awful. Extremely unempathetic, condescending and disconnected, just dishing out mandatory cookie cutter advice never anything else. Managed to get out just by ticking the boxes which was humiliating to go through. I have been living with my parents all this time feeling like a parasite/leech. Desperately trying to get my life on track. It angers me to see my bullies successful whilst i have crippling social anxiety/ depression/ ptsd. My bullies are a sous Chef, Architect and have girlfriends. Sorry for the long post just really needed someone to talk to. i read journaling helps and talking to people that are in a similar situation to me makes me feel like i'm not alone. Thanks for listening.",6.749541166380787,8.250316902229848,6.91380403087479,71.45372491423673,65.22641509433961,10.0152487135506,36.18734991423671,10.18382123829142,4.045147547169811,2586,126,418,61,40,831,302,583,0.22699999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.092,-0.9986,2,1,1,0,2,0,66.0,0,0,3,5,22,41,10,5,27,1,33,10,3,12,6,99,84,40,1,9,16,2,4,4,4,4,5,4,0,3,17,39,1,2,13,2,1,8,10,24,0,0,27,10,56,17,85,51,10,59,1,6,2,1,32,28,2,4,25,283,73,14,0.0,0.15521946261949826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400826829037863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784081787275237,0.0,0.05238231198972761,0.1090066263010652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868506469223397,0.1002184404136835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078059246715324,0.0,0.06123597941978728,0.0,0.06154173898841345,0.05036736620004358,0.054691837264481166,0.0,0.07234234620480688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057931623210705566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688535875967122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929294169473463,0.05642458911830461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128343852523922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704456692838785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471891945148658,0.0,0.11603151554206405,0.06768157485643933,0.0,0.0,0.059250745961449865,0.055188667026450575,0.0,0.11773881619187992,0.0,0.0,0.07370850414930401,0.09936007060264436,0.14038496082970625,0.0628926558410698,0.0,0.1197361655689834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151821167639663,0.0,0.3080010946700609,0.0,0.037226570594229375,0.054940374996167565,0.052388319420822414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934028188317334,0.06722444502483241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04390493362183635,0.06920696962540031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822161654772115,0.0,0.0,0.0359984516188946,0.05339326614496979,0.0,0.0,0.14233727887441944,0.0,0.13879902264444433,0.12800481814238954,0.0,0.17351967765043472,0.11593527242418618,0.055005588498126326,0.0,0.07150369790450402,0.0,0.0,0.185940099595224,0.3060639122634479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601109651560698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961877317676822,0.0963037236346235,0.048569261165572836,0.1010391059792198,0.0632627062532345,0.06966263377999826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873383720488686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546551135058636,0.0,0.0,0.090822348360905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384420765361009,0.06273327215534573,0.06663957377874327,0.0,0.0,0.1531377947116191,0.06584808732223099,0.07337777190750064,0.0,0.06552020890218968,0.0,0.08392513579350927,0.1346949238943353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461572250140728,0.0,0.0,0.1325840196133947,0.05219699831596,0.0,0.13666675065951026,0.0,0.06723735750355572,0.054184330821606064,0.07362753533848593,0.0,0.20031459748900632,0.05550004128233265,0.050427011575200534,0.0,0.0733246669512625,0.0,0.0,0.052310367536829536,0.0,0.0,0.06847741734544803,0.0,0.07164908491883773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794524393639753,0.0,0.060305885810290935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052001654803670944,0.07639004918866278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341565878333195,0.0712478919925379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0386350615842318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060721457982322063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768658775482818,0.0,0.0,0.18612433826068456,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Hey_Hey-Its-Kay,2020/01/22,"Small things keep giving me flashbacks. I have a friend in one of my classes who keeps touching me. He always plays it off as a joke, and he never hurts me, just pokes or squeezes my thigh gently sometimes. Also he puts his arm around me as a joke and some other stuff. I always try to laugh it off because I'm scared to draw attention to myself or sound dramatic/crazy. I was raped and sexually assaulted multiple times by my grandpa when I was younger and I keep having flashbacks when my friend touches me. I keep remembering how when I told my grandma what happened she told me not to tell anyone, that it wasn't a big deal. I don't know if I'm being dramatic, i get so anxious and uncomfortable when he touches me and I've tried to tell him to stop touching me in a nice way but he just ignores me. I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown in class.",4.0018952380952415,4.816180080000001,4.9992142857142845,85.19520238095238,71.05714285714286,7.661904761904763,28.869047619047624,7.793537801064563,1.6847619047619051,674,25,140,8,12,221,102,175,0.087,0.785,0.128,0.5977,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,10,13,2,1,6,0,8,3,2,1,1,27,23,19,0,1,7,1,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,6,4,3,0,2,4,5,0,1,5,7,28,8,17,17,1,18,0,1,0,1,18,8,0,4,8,91,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990497870332835,0.2495200518777037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693867169403834,0.0,0.10483979857016612,0.0,0.0,0.13347617931886918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140051909700048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457899697516336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581291404821035,0.10711539257662972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316827084190574,0.0,0.07833616453554393,0.14383372939598882,0.08521294659873667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325892516922061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051121373861826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330854196429412,0.0,0.0,0.08240173850216491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325189749307229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564105697565913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160154238119404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072861827052147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984997893874468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501136119910522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829203886006792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535447852300288,0.0,0.0,0.17164258548612304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26210399840030185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996118243324628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874297723142598,0.0,0.0,0.2865434471143039,0.0,0.20359546467063228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190134225030754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AshIsAwake,2020/01/22,"When there is no before, what lies ahead? I see so many people talk about healing like it's a goal of being as close to they were ""before"" as they can get.
But what about those of us who have no before? 
The first time I was...the first incident started when I was three. 

Healing is a journey but I can't see the road. What good is a map that can only show you one place to be?",-0.2414814814814825,1.7452665802469127,1.4681481481481493,100.56666666666668,86.90123456790123,4.093827160493827,15.172839506172838,5.033348758259628,-1.1566197530864195,287,5,70,1,9,93,55,81,0.066,0.8540000000000001,0.079,0.466,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,2,4,6,2,0,0,5,0,11,2,0,0,0,3,15,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,2,8,2,9,11,0,12,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,0,8,52,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.574601141030362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829202836996565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175994380041128,0.0,0.0,0.1887935335809472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996685922772652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228204384618454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252577599657824,0.17118992811383246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604800728399734,0.0,0.23516954873683515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35873274454629217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931878113012873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809175900063613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125089988697775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707537210139357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tarvispickles,2020/01/22,"Do your symptoms fluctuate? I go through periods where I feel ok. I feel like I'm finally moving on. The flashbacks and anxiety fade. Then I go through periods where it all starts creeping back. Sometimes it's triggered by something, other times no reason at all.",3.2743749999999987,6.347631020833332,4.000833333333337,80.62750000000003,82.54166666666666,7.366666666666666,35.08333333333333,8.344100000000001,3.6746833333333337,211,13,34,5,6,67,37,48,0.084,0.815,0.10099999999999999,0.2023,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,2,7,7,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,5,7,2,15,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,9,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294169518173469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305988314522677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032693309524264,0.2142432714086383,0.0,0.3285175896680726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408716526454868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651233383268272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187382814090712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083394506794657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308719081455793,0.2966013638656964,0.0,0.21226546443792724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31170314809049016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486973616531531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Tadpolethesnowman,2020/01/22,"Where does your hope come from? I’ve had PTSD for close to a year now, I’ve been in therapy for months. When it’s 5am and I still can’t sleep everything I’ve been working on feels completely useless. This sub is great for feeling less alone, but all I ever really see is people in just as dark of a place as I am. Did any of you get better? What helped you through the worst of it? What did progress look like? Is it going to be worth all of the time and money I’ve spent trying to live a normal life again? What keeps you going when you’d kill for an hour of sleep?",1.6070731707317094,2.8751430813008128,2.829764227642276,96.6822073170732,77.53658536585365,6.220813008130082,18.804065040650407,6.742157984588678,-0.2168139837398373,441,8,108,4,10,142,83,123,0.11699999999999999,0.7340000000000001,0.149,0.3094,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,5,0,3,8,7,1,0,6,0,12,3,2,0,3,14,23,7,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,0,3,3,1,3,0,0,6,4,8,4,19,15,4,19,0,1,2,0,6,6,0,1,11,66,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882348145889064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359401812056435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074022536631788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655872679573254,0.19055800295949588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904780023710596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440033493150774,0.0,0.0,0.16334225419691775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837932290508868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495517229619703,0.0,0.20658172567226754,0.0,0.0,0.20037642662159555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182101128771824,0.0,0.0,0.18051552523646575,0.1789839325134229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154485661542128,0.20107584395393344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128373100009908,0.08879227862020249,0.0,0.16048570449784694,0.0,0.15262149067423111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506851690692413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807322040069998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260003080764039,0.0,0.18988666441028496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124522175437485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643161794622893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482862394924667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637559981764607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451431843413471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784324087930714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597798785707642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339410884580873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231379405307744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703894418261465
ptsd,Cannytomtom,2020/01/22,"Are these PTSD symptoms, or something else? (TW: description of symptoms) Hi, I'm undiagnosed with anything but I just wanted to see if anybody related. 

I don't experience constant hyperarousal that many people seem to. I do have flashbacks almost daily, and OSDD-like symptoms (again, undiagnosed, but they're similar.)

The flashbacks tend to last between a minute and thirty minutes, and leave me on edge for an hour up to a few hours afterwards, and there's a couple of different events I flashback to. 

I feel disgusted and extremely on edge/uncomfortable around children, certain topics, phrases or situations trigger anxiety and flashbacks 

I'm just wondering, without the hyperarousal, are these still symptoms of PTSD?",8.141561065197429,10.5230556446281,7.69465564738292,63.84178145087239,62.80165289256198,10.667033976124886,42.37006427915519,10.746095033038511,5.575307805325989,587,35,78,16,9,185,84,121,0.07400000000000001,0.903,0.023,-0.6868,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,6,0,5,4,0,1,1,23,13,11,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,16,13,1,12,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,6,8,53,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962827325902095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431026617703025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296463498928242,0.13302057016294694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614761179750329,0.0,0.0,0.16533671615080472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611807290066834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482601448595045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616702590619104,0.0,0.0,0.07555413335824923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943084677479371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218019047173114,0.0,0.15822026124171634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149422595518064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035929792272092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493413388392439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907295197391078,0.13603156270454814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796076905127896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503521890540845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933157235874985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6212421452589111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813516065964433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440410610209379,0.16204581837700405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,releasethyhounds,2020/01/22,"Just PTSD ramblings about a shitty PTSD day TL;DR Met someone else with PTSD. Tried to help - feel like I really screwed up, feel like maybe I didn't.

Sorry if I ramble, I'm a bit shaken up. I was recently introduced to someone who also has PTSD. I was a bit reluctant to connect but decided to be cautiously optimistic as there aren't many ways to meet people here (besides bars) or any local PTSD peer/group resources in our area for civilians. Done all the one on one with counselors and need to connect in person with others who can relate. Knowing to be careful in any case, and not looking for dating (and making that clear to him), we met a only a few times and chatted about how to address PTSD symptoms in a healthy manner. Friendly and polite, encouraging his engagement with hobbies while having some laughs as we seemed to share the same type of humour. Just decent human stuff.

Fast forward to today. Another invitation but me declining as I'm sicker than a dog with fever and chills. Christ if I didn't suddenly get multiple messages about how he'd received bad news and was in the middle of a PTSD episode. On to how I grounded him and helped him think clearer and had hopes I'd find him attractive, etc. Then sharing how missed his army buddies who'd died and wanted to give up as life is too painful. Over and over again. I tried calling but he wouldn't pick up. Just more messages of the same nature. And more.

It's an unsettling position and my heart was going out to him. I used to have the same dark thoughts time to time. There was also more than one occasion as a kid where someone gouged their wrists open in front of me or I had to hold them down because they were trying to throw themselves in harms way.

Not knowing his family or anyone he might know, I looked up and called a vet line asking if they could help out. They instructed me contact the local RCMP. I did so, explaining the above and asking if they could just make sure he was okay.

They advised me to keep him engaged in conversation if I could while they sent someone over. Cut short our call when his doorbell rang. A few moments later, the RCMP called me back asking about his phone as it was going straight to voicemail and he had all his lights out and curtains drawn. All I could do was repeat the number. About 15 minutes later, a call back. He'd stated he was fine and downplayed his claims, citing counselors, medications, etc that he says he's accessing so they left.

In come a bunch of nasty messages. To the effect of ""if I really cared, I would have come over myself. He went on to state he'd been thrown around by members when having a bad day but he was just sad. That he has negative feelings toward them. That he'd made the mistake in trusting me and I overstepped boundaries. That civi's can't be trusted. How his last girlfriend had done the same thing to him by calling when he was just having a bad day. It was her fault the they'd roughed him up"". On and on. 

I could only tell him that I didn't have much choice. That I'm not their hugest fan the past couple years myself but he's expressing suicidal ideology, and I don't know who he has in his life he trusts. That no one was out to get him here and that I don't deserve to be punished for trying to do the decent human thing. And that I am not his girlfriend (only physical contact had been a quick hug as I left a few days ago). That if he reads his miles of texts it shows his PTSD in getting in the way of of non-professionals helping him right now and provided the local crisis line number. I wished him well and reminded him that I needed to be healthy and care of myself by blocking him. Done. Nothing nasty or confrontational. 

Thing is, some stupid part of me still wants to apologize and calm him down. I'd meant no harm at all but screwed up. I'm jumping at every little sound and feel as though I'm somehow ""in trouble"" for some misdeed. I don't think my cell block even works properly but I'm afraid to look and find out. Having been brought up being held responsible for others' unpredictable actions and fists slammed on me for not measuring up to babysitting them, it can grind a person down. After how long I'm finally starting to see that in me now? Jesus.

I was also just starting to get to the point in life of emotionally realizing that I'm not as obligated as I feel or as others have guilted me to feel. There's a tiny part in me that knows I don't deserve this dynamic, and even wants to say ""I don't owe you or anyone else anything. Get off my back"". It doesn't feel strong at the moment, but it's probably just tiredness, flu, and needing to go back to bed. What a bunch of high school crap.

But I do miss my home city. You can at least try to escape into the crowds if you need to get away. Maybe even utter a quick ""Fuck off, freak"" before running.",3.8304540076689553,5.269165532778358,4.376992003193024,87.12892591906264,72.1321540062435,7.138802332045671,26.2757259133608,7.614382095861091,1.3126301968554448,3811,126,770,45,73,1208,407,961,0.131,0.7559999999999999,0.113,-0.9841,1,0,0,0,0,0,102.0,4,3,13,3,51,49,8,2,42,1,78,17,3,12,6,159,152,84,2,25,37,0,8,2,3,3,9,4,4,5,35,49,1,5,23,4,1,15,21,23,1,4,39,17,101,26,139,93,27,133,2,3,4,4,118,72,4,22,45,530,136,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349259688104351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771025862107275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667308978224376,0.05144826196238063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861388596720475,0.05027223742264537,0.04037578968914322,0.04367768477251354,0.13760566688678014,0.0,0.0460975835617775,0.1509098644502254,0.12290007951779942,0.02990917991161385,0.0,0.041750158629518516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713115233432934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006011983246589,0.0,0.15007316226287465,0.0,0.0,0.08452920748013666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958695048089504,0.054288783761122096,0.0,0.12656981898240605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092106189294291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062963251122902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197395794421643,0.055190803801718064,0.0,0.0,0.10943946727791384,0.0972196458569718,0.0,0.041338841438879295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046253514241177685,0.0,0.1736589108908286,0.07010318058429282,0.0,0.053747610746875785,0.08968787669003325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03790700467008051,0.045359212413338436,0.1538046257391283,0.04706700719388135,0.08365322349807087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058141505663211926,0.13154723150010045,0.051839192681326814,0.04921555593683258,0.048731982555043935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361065966003398,0.0,0.0,0.13482245211733646,0.03999400387787811,0.0,0.0,0.10661714658574893,0.0,0.1039668304766288,0.047940738250343146,0.0491753807813519,0.0,0.04342041674624717,0.12360512168665777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046425886016371286,0.06550168576746686,0.04974356250330875,0.09858349343071822,0.0,0.0,0.049427183271267265,0.0,0.05204953491474768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03606795177166824,0.1455224120680317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707857898262529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329891269939765,0.11194697555840123,0.0522079408735592,0.0,0.0,0.10626384635385147,0.0468374856458484,0.034015051099156604,0.08568221746970911,0.0,0.0,0.04638168145829286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289968112253883,0.0,0.4588289121641004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049077639899360766,0.0,0.062863773818663,0.0,0.04844513868748239,0.0,0.0,0.041900697394600034,0.0,0.0780359005374547,0.0,0.04965575415601666,0.0390979444373019,0.04466635278771861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628830011944296,0.0,0.0,0.05492353673271569,0.0694560164595247,0.0,0.039182863180552745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616695638621913,0.05366844898212651,0.0,0.04624258089601264,0.05099665892797591,0.0,0.0,0.04288441532475521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977885466532808,0.06287692456977018,0.04820548693095979,0.03895162319209478,0.08582947281743987,0.0,0.04650727859670256,0.0,0.0,0.1665574069541143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237585586054742,0.0,0.0,0.08681829644733567,0.11683502131198108,0.0,0.0,0.04411475417813748,0.04548315548671845,0.0,0.0,0.056421595343884835,0.0,0.0,0.035719440170809816,0.0,0.0,0.034853915313750684,0.0,0.0,0.031595840738333186
ptsd,nascarguy95,2020/01/22,My gf thinks I have ptsd... Long story short I was a corrections officer/deputy for a state prison. Iv been in law enforcement my whole adult life I'm 25 now. Iv seen overdoses to fatal accidents and a infant hot car death. Iv been fighting all these feelings and hiding flashbacks nightmares and all the feelings of disgust and just hatred. I see that little girl everday and I see the victim of one of the accidents and I see my family in that place and it kills me. I dont talk to anyone anymore because it's so hard and exhausting to hide these feelings. The only reason I'm looking for help now is my gf is threating to leave me if I dont because I wake up screaming at night to having full on flash backs in the day. I'm not sure if its ptsd or me just not cut out for the line of work but I gotta do something any help would be amazing,1.93675,3.8375070571428616,3.3750535714285697,90.34600892857144,78.42857142857143,6.203571428571429,24.080357142857146,7.1686216300943375,0.9269500000000002,665,23,140,8,16,218,108,175,0.193,0.7390000000000001,0.067,-0.8882,0,0,1,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,6,0,9,0,12,6,1,1,4,28,25,13,3,3,8,0,5,0,2,2,5,1,0,3,7,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,9,0,1,4,11,16,2,19,18,4,19,0,0,5,0,9,11,0,3,6,88,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060544369306624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466500010156425,0.1090470423646814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991941682050795,0.0,0.19013688339841472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057777823035292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655551250612316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702006323862424,0.0,0.2365659080641644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970463764612176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090660851537308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254059488615306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513334263844645,0.0,0.0,0.11015530561773308,0.0,0.15630742249248178,0.0,0.13801486266739807,0.13096253769486246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635277365351124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567883425437877,0.11861045728799678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293930386687286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36460502941645057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034724406611334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728267370366615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006142620365602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698531082847885,0.0,0.0,0.12535035395206132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992937378008022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411767744297388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353676447973615,0.0,0.0,0.11078563256452814,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AffectionateHumor7,2020/01/22,"No title just a big CW for suicide and SA and drug use Yeah so I spent the last few years — but this last year especially — in a very fucking dark place. These years were marked by a myriad of encounters with abusers, I’m a now 20 year old male but most of this happened in my late teens, I’m also bi but this literally only happened when I was on my het shit so like half of my sexuality isn’t completely fuckin trashed. Yeah I have no clue what to do, I can count on one hand how many women I’ve had physical relationships with that didn’t end in me getting sexually assaulted. I guess to give that proportionality I don’t even know the number of physical relationships with women I’ve had that have ended in me being sexually assaulted. 

I feel like a hollowed out shell, I use meth, left my school that gave me a 40k dollar scholarship just because my ex is there and she has worked to make my life a living hell even after she literally ass fucked me lmao. Every doc I’ve been too just gives me an increase in my Xanax prescription and says I’m probably bipolar because of all the meth and also have severe PTSD but doesn’t really tell me to do shit other than meditate. I take community college classes and go to work because what else am I gonna do with all my stimulant energy but fuck I feel trapped inside this horrible fucking body and I want out. A few days ago I tried blowing my face off and the round just blew up in the barrel fucking up my hands and lips a bunch. I can’t even fucking die right man this shit is written like a dark souls game and I don’t know what to do. 

I can feel my mind going with all the drugs I use but my teachers really like me and my boss somehow still hasn’t fired me despite the fact I find myself on a 72 hour hold every other month. I feel broken and even typing this out just feels like I’m jerking myself off with how sad and fucked up my life is so I’m gonna stop now but if anyone knows what to do please help me, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this going.",3.970376747357655,4.590696367541767,5.228410330719402,84.23049821002387,71.00477326968974,8.467814524377768,26.181469485168773,8.634040054169528,1.5901311967269005,1594,47,345,26,28,532,210,419,0.205,0.688,0.106,-0.9955,1,1,4,0,1,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,24,21,15,0,19,2,30,24,9,9,4,66,72,30,2,2,13,1,9,5,0,2,6,1,0,4,18,22,0,3,10,1,3,4,10,16,0,2,9,10,48,5,39,60,9,45,2,1,1,10,16,21,13,4,25,211,66,8,0.0,0.0920891109796307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889679884586823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431019823890845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434576730892167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213775905251727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633279285833033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149114457726668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050124940701055005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066426035335694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18026813706425648,0.0,0.0649276393696319,0.0,0.137679114868236,0.0,0.0,0.20534137960058965,0.0,0.13097005225627606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649555999088705,0.11105073225178536,0.0,0.0,0.07103746433130895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5029759844870557,0.040607088412830464,0.1491180733945668,0.1325154101034393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856207078177116,0.0,0.13746048196203173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209612553247837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654155320130708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908382257217131,0.0,0.0,0.1708582338983473,0.12670932700346638,0.0876749915823475,0.0,0.08444632683039906,0.0,0.10979618478645503,0.1898577940051636,0.0,0.0686308816460381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051880742839172565,0.07879897880186336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847812934471901,0.0,0.062037801096102976,0.0,0.057135388461436974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155727195027132,0.0,0.05266715365520724,0.0591118857733093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120405011823381,0.08531657475456927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379859908753018,0.0,0.09085409222775327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958275867781814,0.0,0.0,0.16689094837018065,0.0,0.06637506442287404,0.0,0.06180849302687351,0.0,0.07865988124333133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780492932656032,0.23934479759025715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620697322383236,0.06497995430984102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501640736708745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843806471601105,0.0,0.06793337597967407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276885256860157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138329461891585,0.0,0.06412966031202727,0.045843071659858466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316661964638534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020439705349705
ptsd,nativeindigo,2020/01/22,"I often find myself disassociating Sometimes I don’t realize the extent of it until it hits me, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s like that slap in the face from reality when you’ve been oblivious or in denial for however long. Any time I am stressed out I disassociate. I feel like I’m walking through a dream. I space out often for long periods of time. When watching tv or having a conversation with someone half of what is said will not comprehend in my brain & the simplest of things confuse me. I tell myself that what’s happening is real life, but I don’t believe it until I come to. What are your experiences with disassociating?",4.28213114754098,6.257323114754101,6.094229508196719,73.09954098360656,71.95081967213116,8.814426229508197,30.2327868852459,9.3871,2.9410695081967217,508,22,92,12,10,175,79,122,0.028999999999999998,0.912,0.059000000000000004,0.2846,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,0,10,3,2,0,0,16,16,7,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,2,0,1,2,3,15,2,18,12,1,17,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,5,11,68,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233708619675112,0.0,0.14019372812502612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23226817455566134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301392259217796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758587279354124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166095871271786,0.0,0.0,0.10423909820475953,0.14727849557314635,0.0,0.0,0.1884236270018476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230382252884406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561468067006195,0.20143564806412,0.0,0.0,0.36488465158051103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23465162995898944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961023747803508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467603087965128,0.0,0.4077887941858774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23615197633195498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019017453764624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369614513477728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404234354186793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ExtraGloria,2020/01/22,"Exposing my abuser I went to the cops like seven years ago to tell them about my uncle molesting me.
That was useless.
It made me give up.
Family is sweeping it under the carpet.
I moved 2000km away from home and my sister came to visit around the same time frame.
She had me crying as she was accusing me of making it up and telling me how uncomfortable I was making it for everyone.almost like she wanted me to say I made it up. She has three kids and will gladly take them to my uncles for Christmas, although she and my bro in law claims she will never leave her kids with him.....
But fuck her and her gaslighting. Anyways 
I’m getting more memories of abuse, and having clearer memories today.
And I finally decided....
I’m going to make my family suffer with me...the family that sweeps it under the rug. I’m going to speak the truth.
I shouldn’t be the only one who’s uncomfortable.
But I’m not talking spite here folks. I’m asking for a clear and actionable game plan folks so...

* went to the police it was useless
* family other than my parents don’t believe me fuck them
*so I got ahold do my old youth pastor who’s the head of a major bible college, my abuser goes to his and my old church and I’m hoping something will get done. He took my number down and says he is going to follow up. I hope he can get him banned from doing stuff with kids at church activities, he also coaches hockey stuff for teens so...
* I called social services back home and told them my story and they’re going to start an investigation 

What else fam? No way I’m going vigilante unless literally ALL options have been exhausted (and that means I can always tell one more person, I’m done being discouraged I’ll keep yapping until something happens)
I know I’m not going to get justice but people need to know he is a danger around children",2.2231429213146647,4.60467031855956,3.8395118664370753,84.91305532679495,79.88642659279779,6.229572508796887,20.83708916672905,7.432916251226849,0.8552493973197572,1439,40,272,21,37,478,195,361,0.113,0.835,0.052000000000000005,-0.9629,1,0,3,0,3,0,45.0,0,0,4,1,11,16,5,0,12,0,25,4,1,6,4,51,71,26,0,5,6,3,0,2,0,4,1,3,6,5,16,20,0,3,4,3,0,14,6,10,0,4,16,3,46,6,42,49,5,39,3,4,0,2,45,12,2,3,14,179,62,2,0.0,0.3122410745559939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786809347401348,0.0,0.08796272414946431,0.0,0.0,0.07024853330192837,0.07309295186648995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639894071613675,0.08212195254746901,0.0,0.08253199861880756,0.0675463427908269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896970965148244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969818577617585,0.10046973111581138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096492122141819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978910045191213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338209577475505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33124469254246314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962284222551624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624200735481457,0.1835787211717421,0.08426763124168922,0.29954141595943423,0.0,0.07025658970889652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776798475234553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015292539887658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622868188563634,0.17449712571309264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078079470217862,0.0,0.0,0.09655314289539912,0.0,0.0,0.09301373925747823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583193819171568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662395667853236,0.1759089508036359,0.0,0.0,0.0956874845566538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933638955628127,0.0,0.06513495168195119,0.06775043646956827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435426266804328,0.0,0.11905025814069015,0.06680905243679976,0.0,0.0,0.0975399751389137,0.0,0.0,0.06089972474526845,0.07670168485501551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397135888206257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954553638467617,0.0,0.13525266325212545,0.0,0.0,0.06217618594717868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011199203393262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604749076842907,0.07060539653616331,0.2303376597782727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512223373742846,0.0,0.08326550669979521,0.08393836980223647,0.09759752474453988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181245934418089,0.06972619873249425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286388290953235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656842903015779
ptsd,Sundazie,2020/01/22,"A bad abuse story in a book triggered my traumatic memories I had the worst panic attack today because of a very unexpected sexual abuse story in a book I read. It completely caught me off guard and I can't get it out of my head now. I thought I was getting better and now I have these horrible images in my mind, and it reminded me of things I experienced, though they weren't as bad as what I read. I don't know how to stop thinking about it. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, and it's really eating away at me so I thought I would just post this. I'm not usually this sensitive but what I read was just horrifying. :(",4.4829198473282466,4.520328083969467,6.199303435114505,79.78231393129774,69.68702290076337,10.21412213740458,28.588740458015266,10.125756701596842,2.5735870229007642,493,16,106,12,8,171,78,131,0.244,0.741,0.015,-0.9790000000000001,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,9,6,1,1,5,0,10,2,1,2,0,19,18,10,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,5,1,2,4,5,0,1,5,5,0,0,7,1,20,1,17,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,5,78,32,5,0.0,0.3817787565710229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126520782282693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328624191835102,0.15136844434135746,0.0,0.2690407668348086,0.098211352633691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248898109988622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892109999378718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485607344829828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834697997735165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534566348597612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854201570864924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267549073133036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902824146046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429914673658268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834617411272256,0.0,0.10321139323502382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469543735708506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949436842243436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703453440585373,0.1032329844832326,0.15829006645604876,0.2558071877783599,0.0,0.0,0.15271374045667066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744025044534598,0.13293288268720144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444814527376555,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,wttw2013,2020/01/22,"My boyfriend says my rape wasn't traumatizing My boyfriend has deployed twice. I was raped by my partner (at the time, not my current boyfriend,) kept the baby and tried to stay until the police came one too many times and threatened to call CPS if I didn't remove my child from his house ASAP. SD wasn't involved and eventually died. His family has used the court system to harass me for years since. Anyway, I was upset and talking to my boyfriend about it and he said I chose this. I didn't choose to be raped. I chose to keep my child and do what I thought was the right thing. I didn't choose the life sentence of harassment and abuse from my ex and his family ever since. My boyfriend constantly tells me to suck it up because ""at least I've never been to war."" This makes me feel like he is a true sociopath and I should block his number and never look back. Someone please tell me I'm not crazy for thinking that my PTSD is just as significant as his.",3.997299107142858,5.224327703125006,4.078363095238096,90.24937500000004,71.44791666666666,6.9440476190476215,25.17261904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.8676119047619046,757,22,161,7,14,233,113,192,0.187,0.7340000000000001,0.079,-0.9819,1,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,7,1,7,0,16,4,0,2,4,30,28,14,2,2,4,1,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,3,7,11,0,3,5,0,0,2,9,8,0,2,13,4,29,2,21,13,1,18,0,0,1,3,18,4,1,1,11,103,36,0,0.0,0.1932964670459265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254460462183542,0.0,0.09944978425934244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658611397253606,0.1865908650617767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629843002640316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931552902737368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757118303211125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075913165198745,0.0,0.0824894433932599,0.11654860155985905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824384164669308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450080111662937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523194430141613,0.07970288871710116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699810249354982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088984809588236,0.16540027422564796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516501718233468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054916941448513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908080885008956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070414360036544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932228595110688,0.15518530016397414,0.12973698202136064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699053209000993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822959723905606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388755211864204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112727456716744,0.28518641198041605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838422513803914,0.10453473819465192,0.0,0.12951644058621753,0.19025870050626248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076263700530464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090221582772372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505803081881396
ptsd,schmadimax,2020/01/22,"I had my first motorcycle crash and now I can't fall asleep anymo Hi guys, so I'm not really sure how to put this.

About 10 days ago I had a crash with my motorcycle where I got thrown off of it in a turn at 80kph.

Ever since the accident when I sleep I see the accident over and over in my dreams, because of this every night I have been sleeping less and less.

I have now come to the point that I am awake for nearly 40 hours and can't fall asleep anymore.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is, could this be some sort of PTSD? And how can i stop this? Because I really just want to sleep but it just isn't working.",0.8843781094527365,2.436223731343283,2.678432835820896,95.74859452736321,80.34328358208955,6.257711442786071,17.883084577114424,7.1686216300943375,-0.14994825870646755,476,9,118,6,12,158,82,134,0.09300000000000001,0.8809999999999999,0.026000000000000002,-0.736,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,11,1,0,0,5,0,13,5,5,2,2,21,22,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,4,1,15,1,17,16,3,23,0,0,1,0,3,9,0,3,10,79,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617906505934046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747300717218757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471097721162895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21480380985589848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517694221681297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406709110443161,0.0,0.0,0.11362598126451455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937114683716258,0.14844507041552366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986449550095493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091276677597056,0.0,0.19408974467165813,0.17445274080365364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735086160376347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533947965202786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655357843655447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595306920847664,0.1771165075357101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257396919285788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403981561427827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574363248121822,0.0,0.5289424497440806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473001457500698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660540774335315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961934656580354,0.1916407645562612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039196042664094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826616873621538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ashleynsevans,2020/01/22,"Facing my PTSD from childhood sexual abuse as a mother I'm fairly new to Reddit so please forgive me if this is not proper Reddit etiquette. Im simply trying to seek help without feeling violated by face to face interaction. Please withhold your judgement. 
I was abandoned at 9M by my ""mother"". She left me with who she believes to be my father. The next following 19 years consisted of sexual abuse. At 17 I tried to get out by enlisting in the Navy. Unfortunately I was discharged due to a medical condition which was absolutely devastating. At 19 I met my ex husband who I married after 3 months. In hindsight I like to refer to him as my out. We share 2 daughters'. At 22 I very privately came out about my abuse while pregnant with my second daughter. I've embodied the ""momma bear"" role and take great pride in loving and protecting my children. As my daughters grow my PTSD has worsened. I feel as if I'm reliving my traumatic childhood abuse all over again. I find great difficulty in finding my place in life. It seems like everyone around me has a very traditional happy family. I can't help but feel alone and broken.",3.9659714707329066,6.2456814112149575,5.454968027545501,76.01410969011316,73.67289719626169,8.43049680275455,29.4874569601574,9.134995656068208,2.9022654205607474,898,39,155,21,19,302,135,214,0.13699999999999998,0.7390000000000001,0.124,-0.7158,0,1,0,0,4,0,22.0,1,1,0,1,4,11,1,0,6,0,8,6,3,0,1,27,20,12,0,2,5,9,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,11,0,3,8,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,5,3,30,9,36,14,1,29,0,1,0,1,25,16,0,3,12,97,35,0,0.0,0.5687934920000288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429954029854227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683896220436724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521601898856028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726540290125638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467965547252665,0.0,0.0,0.11313963836613775,0.0,0.18204985563565595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193834155309094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270298239548812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646343373846508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277583995228692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088730169110088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963699797646355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039685314983324,0.0,0.08477027670348272,0.11726671751615188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831839306528733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090267588337104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957949782175135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591141663516227,0.12763751420392744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539032774871725,0.2634812735398587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805826651543362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925731989111977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902364854594367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629648695814239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980501985610543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569035868243195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728584635471111
ptsd,user5698-,2020/01/22,"PTSD IS REAL I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago and have been going to therapy ever since. I’ve tried so many meds but honestly, I’m better without them. I don’t remember my trauma exactly, but I know what happened to me. Because of this, I have had too many people tell me my ptsd is not valid. It’s gotten to the point where I even bully myself out of my feelings. I can’t heal because every time I try to do something that’ll help my ptsd, I tell myself that it’s not real so I can’t fix it. I feel so alone and so over dramatic. I wish I could just let myself get better.",1.2308441558441563,2.7556438015873046,3.6740981240981263,89.1229220779221,79.23809523809524,6.486580086580088,20.978354978354982,7.348242739294969,0.6016285714285714,453,12,100,6,11,158,79,126,0.09,0.76,0.15,0.8304,0,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,9,4,0,0,2,0,14,2,0,0,2,20,23,8,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,2,22,3,10,16,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,70,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459000010679422,0.0,0.0,0.1338846697275769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760350841500398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286575098459397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321152649663004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312062656975868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538157470494709,0.11693205953148444,0.1089154979145562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307255292990476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753820705041214,0.0,0.07346708464581363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431297902495967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664691437530071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710433770822156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218726964770774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621188543032665,0.0,0.0,0.14358975901025034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961949822738308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220187490288935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6044385581032138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942749798834363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643763979366273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693342833907923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995183136317414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259752467797735,0.0,0.1478314397950656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537834025881658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553160445085295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486540487376421,0.1246116069750578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324560162462724
ptsd,zefdef,2020/01/23,"I can’t figure out if I experienced trauma or anything else that would have caused my current issues as a child. First off, sorry if this isn’t the right place to post this. 

Anyway, I have pretty bad OCD, depression, and aspergers. My OCD has made me miserable my whole life because of my intrusive thoughts and compulsions and everything it doesn’t let me do. I’ve recently noticed, though, that the majority of my intrusive thoughts can be traced back to experiences in my childhood. I have awful thoughts of inc*st and I’ve always been driven to panic attacks at the thought of having sex with men and I even used to have meltdowns every time I saw underwear in stores (I’ve gotten better now luckily). Many sexual topics have always triggered me greatly. 

Tons of my intrusive thoughts center around my father. Whenever he calls me “honey” or any other names like that (can’t even type them because of how upset they make me) I panic and tense up and lose my mind for a while. One time he said he loved me and I dry heaved for about an hour. I like my dad and we don’t have a bad relationship but whenever he tries to talk to me on a personal level I have a panic attack. 

I can’t think of anything that’s objectively bad enough to be called actual trauma, but I know that how he treated me as a kid has contributed to these thoughts and reactions. He used to spank me and force me to take my pants and underwear down and he made me kiss him on the lips. I can’t pull up any more specific memories but when I think about my dad from when I was a kid I get upset. He’s on medication now but he used to be bad, he’s stayed up through the night with a gun on him, on our porch because he thought someone was coming to murder us. I don’t know his specific diagnosis but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was paranoid schizophrenia. He’s doing very well now, like I said, but it was not good when I was growing up. Before he got meds he abused alcohol and when he lost his job he just slept on the couch for 7 months. I think I’m rambling now. 

Anyway. Is this something that could cause the mental issues that I have today? I’ve been getting worse and worse and worse lately, just in the past few months. I don’t know what to do. I have a therapist but I don’t know what to talk to her about. I’m not good at talking to people in real life.",2.9105939629990267,4.5647281054852336,4.186286919831225,86.69631450827656,74.9071729957806,7.477572216812724,24.6011035378124,8.222332236545338,1.40172223304122,1838,59,382,31,39,604,218,474,0.18100000000000002,0.77,0.05,-0.9964,2,0,2,1,1,0,42.0,3,0,2,5,23,30,3,6,18,1,42,9,2,11,0,70,77,38,1,6,16,3,0,3,1,2,4,2,2,5,17,22,1,0,15,0,1,4,13,18,1,2,24,5,58,12,55,45,6,53,0,4,1,3,45,24,0,5,26,247,75,2,0.0,0.08651459705368789,0.07125520555373603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780342225585187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151394150534753,0.0,0.0,0.09930972545433404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120175472528485,0.06500165627594454,0.0,0.16613743003902318,0.0,0.05614646923671196,0.2438685037667736,0.13353360478485554,0.0,0.06213308866613601,0.0,0.0,0.06457864180378473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911944067399235,0.0,0.0,0.15001955849209994,0.0,0.06289869207261152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058299070991707135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628904469141297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099731551272484,0.0,0.0,0.07544729350104472,0.0,0.0964556315378202,0.0,0.0615209614715384,0.0,0.06562402722259626,0.07142578599078847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210922213757548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629796518149846,0.0,0.0,0.12248836130617732,0.05839930468156384,0.0805027954342403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190819373355896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242400743485682,0.07245927154618656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051551700059155,0.0,0.08236768156128735,0.0,0.0,0.0746660308104567,0.10314979245411003,0.10701897567124072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816886602149917,0.0797079632625878,0.0,0.06590175352812118,0.13818312490049514,0.04874019863835824,0.0740289685367168,0.0,0.0,0.08110673137359355,0.07355812915497947,0.073585146085958,0.0,0.07372754135162997,0.0,0.11656482089643275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852261061228809,0.0,0.0,0.08313167590949751,0.0,0.0,0.04947900493308891,0.0,0.0,0.2570132862593146,0.0,0.0,0.06970410997372377,0.0506216085232493,0.06375665374589237,0.07628845148326402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993122731887756,0.07428573422432734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311066857376538,0.0,0.0,0.072096638583414,0.07839419338811772,0.0,0.06235712226853502,0.13891401035438386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061868062509332425,0.056212958264708,0.0,0.0817378685421047,0.0,0.07782765890191938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490058018500492,0.17606772894454498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477972875540521,0.0,0.14036129409764586,0.07173998595439893,0.4057779217732709,0.08515496978197076,0.0,0.06921269186811074,0.0,0.0,0.04957454761364595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783187372868205,0.18919277645272675,0.0,0.060247641247314486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565210822689085,0.0,0.0,0.08152218447453136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232352745500137,0.05187001634576167,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,KingMetropol,2020/01/23,"Don’t worry, the flashbacks are gonna be controlable. It’s been 14 months since the accident, I’ve been followed by a therapist and I’m on medication for at least 6 months(not sure the time is flowing weirdly since). For the first time i succeed to cut the flashback in the middle and get back in the present. Sure it came back like a train. But for a whole 10 seconds. i was in control. 
 
It is a small victory but I gladely take it. I wish you all to get back the control of your thought.",0.7759666666666689,3.1685517300000043,2.291999999999998,93.47266666666668,86.7,5.333333333333334,26.333333333333336,6.816661863887847,1.1390333333333338,383,18,82,5,12,124,66,100,0.075,0.812,0.113,0.5499,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,5,3,6,1,0,12,0,8,1,0,3,3,13,17,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,2,5,0,6,4,12,10,3,18,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,9,54,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874330385707981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209178766411855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5651157078907408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285947085161554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549546682036984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205262551622411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919347958727107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405729503657066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778624536340095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165846260731761,0.0,0.12627863567995826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950046510341544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333474066837706,0.19586775529873895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875118659657708,0.1931359508735383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056291364408438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,scotty_is_playing,2020/01/23,"After all this time The realisation that all of my kinks, my nightmares, my trauma, it’s all related and I think I can finally grab those god damn reigns. I finally have control over my physical anxiety triggers. 
Next it’s to reduce my cannabis dosage and focus on the benefits on neuroplasticity.",8.503333333333334,8.688129333333336,9.348518518518516,60.09833333333333,61.22222222222222,13.125925925925927,40.22222222222222,12.45797560212912,5.521822222222222,240,12,39,8,3,82,40,54,0.129,0.787,0.084,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,3,8,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,6,3,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,5,28,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620088622997609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841389144697969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7503762841633487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642488816660959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194579087453941,0.0,0.0,0.1997124460960135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,prozacprodigy,2020/01/23,"How to talk to my boss about PTSD affecting my work? Hey folks, need a little assistance and thought you’d be best to help. 

Has anyone here talked with their boss about their PTSD if it’s affecting you at work? The past couple weeks have been really rough and I’m concerned I’m on the hot seat. How should I explain it to him to help him be empathetic? My boss is a pretty pleasant person and I’m not concerned on telling him, just moreso on how I should tell him. Thank you in advance!",1.3390909090909098,3.7184152323232316,2.3422222222222224,94.30000000000004,83.54545454545455,5.6202020202020195,20.11111111111111,6.980632752743323,0.30666868686868703,384,11,83,5,11,121,62,99,0.0,0.789,0.21100000000000002,0.9688,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,2,4,7,3,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,8,0,20,16,7,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,14,3,13,9,1,9,0,0,0,0,18,6,0,1,2,52,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088515566537846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144931708515025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22294273653952465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701064358328202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194399657225146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940086389222493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923431784447904,0.0,0.17593162631459908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049858213410704,0.0,0.0,0.47105758406478004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907842829931887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238969851229316,0.3522189389788916,0.18550316026280592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995903509853351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616215902803617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293371454935522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,danii4121k,2020/01/23,"(TW) what would this be considered? (Trigger Warning) recently entered a PHP program (partial hospital) I have quite a few mental health issues among other environmental problems. 
After my intake/evaluation I was placed in trauma track for ptsd and some red flags.
I’m enjoying the program so far and it’s helping but I’m unsure about some of what I’ve been through I flip and flop and feel embarrassed and guilty over the situation that has traumatized me not being serious or big enough . I don’t want to insult other people’s real issues . I expressed my feelings to a counselor and they said I’m having trouble with “radical acceptance” I really just need an outside honest opinion on my story.

I was in a toxic relationship in high school my junior year his senior year. He could definitely be considered emotionally abusive , manipulative and favored gaslighting . 
I can’t quiet remember very big details of the day it happened only a year ago did I even remember what happened after repressing it for 4 years.  I was triggered when my friend and I were talking about the past and he had mentioned what my ex used to say about me after we broke up. The main one “yeah she took my virginity it wasn’t even good” and then a lot of it just flooded back I became teary eyed and frustrated cuz he didn’t elaborate the fact that I lost my virginity too and I didn’t want it to happen.
The day of him and I planned to have sex condom , no clothes ect.  But when he actually started to penetrate me it was too painful and I said it hurt and I wanted it to stop. He got upset and said “if you can’t do it now what makes you think you’ll ever be able to do it” I didn’t want him to be upset I didn’t respond. He told me to get on top of him and said “go at your own pace” so I complied still not saying anything.  It was reverse cow girl I did not want to face him now. I don’t remember if I had started crying yet. 
But my “pace” wasn’t fast enough and he grabbed my hips pushed them down on top of him essentially forcing it in.  I was crying now I don’t think I physically did much I remember looking back and seeing how disappointed and miserable he was. He tried to get me to bounce or move but ultimately gave up.  There was a lot of blood I knew there would be some but seeing it almost sent me into a shock. He just got annoyed with my being upset and flushed the condom. I don’t remember anything after that.
We dated for more months after that about 2 and according to old messages everything was fine. I told him I was still in pain but I did it flirtatiously so it wouldn’t count.",2.3117643244068056,4.611306138132298,4.06626916914626,83.86025597009234,79.05836575875486,6.988570992599375,25.25352864881361,8.060288974870295,1.676845242999924,2041,78,398,38,51,685,248,514,0.185,0.735,0.08,-0.9964,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,4,2,5,29,27,3,6,17,1,48,12,4,7,2,84,87,40,0,13,16,1,3,0,1,4,3,7,0,1,28,27,0,2,11,0,0,6,17,20,0,1,37,15,65,7,51,38,12,63,0,5,5,5,47,23,0,11,34,283,93,5,0.07933663753150721,0.09400094225186152,0.07742111378319992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032714227289144,0.0,0.07944418233425682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057458553762913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220099542067069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633438493879575,0.0,0.1742951419337263,0.10233113570311393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924303880347045,0.0,0.16395190918013144,0.0,0.10480220169582316,0.0717645307554663,0.0,0.0,0.07130265415739924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022997547032952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129528935380394,0.0,0.08290023722250985,0.0,0.04508883942268493,0.0665438074601557,0.12690551314742649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047137966752824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433113574756626,0.0,0.0,0.0531776757928244,0.08382351343569698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493151135684487,0.0,0.0,0.16561367455470938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662279408371714,0.0,0.0866053117835174,0.1348983442485622,0.0,0.0,0.052957821611367834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995267045546592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332574716197605,0.08432229008648517,0.058321557176170165,0.05882711145872864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325045523039715,0.0,0.05376055883966691,0.06033908788851861,0.1688395519647531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573579765147978,0.05500203505007779,0.0,0.0828899002778925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591444747071463,0.09274028368821358,0.0,0.0,0.08438427975450236,0.0,0.09030246251124502,0.05082508153339208,0.0,0.07833535831909579,0.08517785780109105,0.4493647228500497,0.0,0.30186924079860344,0.12618335700903566,0.0,0.08029291276281496,0.12644205672704653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917770466022094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230976077646636,0.0,0.1267166824319485,0.06632898143580777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376778402940836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167142771434336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151619114116528,0.08814592347097731,0.05386436909023142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852138197659988,0.0,0.0654610347683318,0.23397402178741206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127169420460986,0.0,0.0,0.20436077366581606
ptsd,wallywhisperer,2020/01/23,"I know it isn’t as bad as others, but is it possible to have PTSD from a period of intense depression and anxiety? A couple years ago something switched in my brain and I had my first panic attack followed by a year of horrible anxiety and depression. 

Now I still suffer from anxiety and depression, but not as bad. 

When it gets a little worse I start having thoughts and feelings of how bad it was in the beginning and how terrified I am to go back to that place. In turn, I start to get those terrible feelings. 

I know I didn’t suffer a horrible event like a lot of people on here, but I’m pretty scared.",3.801712204007288,5.05397680327869,5.462240437158472,80.04496357012752,71.95081967213116,9.684517304189436,29.12932604735884,9.994966539143718,2.9537839708561027,478,19,94,13,9,163,73,122,0.45799999999999996,0.489,0.053,-0.9973,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,1,2,7,0,8,1,1,2,0,18,22,15,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,12,0,1,4,2,10,1,18,18,1,21,0,5,0,0,0,6,0,1,14,69,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204963533255434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34187643138688784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947066979152872,0.0,0.11454588825335828,0.3731419102670507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629565501772134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482837568682038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849133633350192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506436727158261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671065723616204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556574850110798,0.0,0.08466098025468445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373596348296873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277740877195656,0.14930336574929348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664581973107125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477985447532704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327447463638467,0.0,0.15563807586515035,0.0,0.0,0.16793711873782444,0.0,0.15155227972402388,0.0,0.0,0.1741336309976405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914125198109565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468153426769265,0.0,0.0,0.21087822532688646,0.0,0.118964678251542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826260115475025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203255580311693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180938451658366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191858824109022
ptsd,TheDestoyer,2020/01/23,"I don't want a relationship with my Mother Hey all,

So I've got some pretty bad ptsd whenever I get around my mom. She always makes me anxious and scared cause I know that any moment she can snap. She's been diagnosed with a lot of things and doesn't regularly take her meds. So chaos ensues.


My dad keeps saying that I should have a relationship with her because she's my mom and blah blah blah. To me that's toxic af and like I can't believe how stupid he is to suggest that knowing all the things she's done. My sister still maintains a relationship though, I guess she has more empathy than me.",2.4921758569299577,4.472548426229512,3.630536512667661,88.78756333830107,77.03278688524591,6.731445603576751,21.746646795827125,7.686295010490155,0.76456393442623,476,13,101,7,11,154,79,122,0.149,0.78,0.071,-0.746,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,5,0,10,1,0,3,2,21,19,8,0,2,0,5,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,1,22,1,8,15,5,3,0,0,0,0,20,1,0,3,3,65,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216231127860906,0.0,0.0,0.108012320939415,0.0,0.0,0.1794368015097145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139561311141366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326194538116213,0.09682351189831273,0.0,0.0,0.17895111963742488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316589966296072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612127998375709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162541958230314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298402059320836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703377058079401,0.0,0.1749731600679124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117863602294692,0.0,0.0,0.17458162791917556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775980928616764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350346796603953,0.0,0.0,0.10602268718179073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642836609189688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720480759027751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159091226060698,0.0,0.0,0.1856680238621325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115836583347074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631088459315934,0.15902018107018967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268447490229932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942312919653827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104402368286693,0.0,0.1560532435598933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368419533067557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FallenAngel960,2020/01/23,"11 months and still no diagnosis. I told my parents and my sister about it, but they still won't take me to a psychiatrist to get me diagnosed. I can't do it myself because I'm still a child.",2.635040650406502,3.5459230731707336,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357726,74.3658536585366,8.393495934959349,25.861788617886177,8.841846274778883,1.6959203252032524,150,5,34,3,3,53,30,41,0.046,0.9540000000000001,0.0,-0.1531,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,8,0,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858106182578065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30937785070583723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925173410500196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432980987007668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384577490524934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7302699760613428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291807540878649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912610102877369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Scrubzilla6000,2020/01/23,"This is all new to me I'm a 17 year old male who's had his fair share of life problems and especially traumas. I wont get into all of them because there's certain people who know about my account that I'd rather not have know specifics. One of the most traumatic things was the suicide of a best friend online a few months back. 

I'm part of the reason for their death and that eats at me every moment of my life. I get flashbacks to our conversations, so many simple things trigger outbursts that it's just getting debilitating sometimes. I just cant escape that moment, I've self harmed a lot in the past and recent, but even that triggers it sometimes. I feel just trapped, like I'm constantly terrified of the what ifs to the point where entire days are spent in states of panic and despair. What if one of my friends harms, what if my girlfriend harms again, what if I cant stop them, what if I loss someone else. I dont think I could manage losing another one, I have so much guilt and fear from the last time, another would push me over the edge.

I also had a previous obsession with a girl I knew. She never cared for me at all and that drove me mad. For clarification I never stalked her or made creepy advances towards her or anything. I just felt a connection with her that I have only had with one other person in my life. 

My family doesnt know because I doubt they'd ever believe me and say I just have some form of depression. I do have depression but this isnt like that, this feels.... deeper. Like a pit I keep sinking into, a downwards spiral that I cant escape from. The only thing I look forward to is getting to see the love of my life in person come Autumn. But I'm convinced that wont end up happening, that she'll die before that, she'll resent me before that and wont want anything to do with me, or that we'll just drift away and lose interest, rather she'll lose interest in me. Shes one of the best things I have in my life and it would wreck me to have her leave too like a lot of others did.

I'm rambling now, I'll just stop here I'm getting annoyed at myself for talking.

Anyways yeah, that's a bit of what I wanted to say.",3.9613513513513534,4.6600268468468515,4.852270270270271,86.63462162162165,71.07207207207206,7.541621621621622,26.73693693693693,7.554174236665415,1.2808888288288292,1696,53,360,18,30,552,211,444,0.205,0.6729999999999999,0.121,-0.9916,0,1,0,0,0,1,42.0,2,0,4,7,24,35,3,5,22,1,35,7,0,4,7,72,66,24,3,13,21,0,3,4,3,9,5,2,0,5,35,17,1,3,10,0,2,6,12,20,0,5,10,7,57,15,48,45,14,47,0,7,2,1,32,19,0,13,27,255,92,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686576910849694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535230891732065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761374391088965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855773358269512,0.06429370050706576,0.0,0.10194015415253399,0.0,0.14229803756448828,0.0942038992593365,0.17549463821802266,0.0,0.09128440010536264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524964208561284,0.0,0.0,0.0720257164053057,0.0,0.09035660191516688,0.0,0.06675865929126212,0.0,0.0,0.05392385755917487,0.0,0.14403254963746553,0.0,0.08677772032394775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799452145722266,0.0,0.0,0.08555759130506034,0.06984843728598795,0.0,0.07405683553129641,0.0,0.0,0.05522599702723238,0.07563329201165174,0.07044806780426248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882346466496047,0.09408855074488816,0.0845551012311592,0.0,0.08028217244236613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919932645924312,0.0,0.21842328597709468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393923409848656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431961326882264,0.0,0.0,0.13785555063039825,0.06815624722135602,0.0,0.0885347340474331,0.0,0.0,0.2952938071426501,0.16339753419747188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021436894411953,0.2806267068661202,0.0,0.14217059256201825,0.07546454232703621,0.0791172140319894,0.0,0.08477107103352016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673958119057223,0.0,0.06146561982701367,0.0,0.12897593242276809,0.08075454001222752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877384123362914,0.0,0.28329371087822514,0.12718382760808158,0.0,0.09810254902777583,0.0,0.09054538531451414,0.0798186463314041,0.05796714525107895,0.1460163482048778,0.0,0.0,0.07904188231981818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000692700158725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596871099323948,0.08255834697468924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329857882049616,0.0,0.0,0.06662921709595457,0.0,0.08722722468034053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084553554307141,0.0,0.16539198519152593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980943424165726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145971201037488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720544786764067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221966533273144,0.05357622143286115,0.0,0.0,0.04875576503990053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863494027871132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879341093279065,0.0,0.0,0.05384441975612172
ptsd,hotsdognbeens,2020/01/23,"Night Terrors: My subconscious going into battle. To be quite honest, I believed the doctors who told me I would grow out of the night terrors at age 10, that it was a puberty thing. I experienced severe trauma during my childhood, but I thought I was normal. I had successfully hidden my traumas as a 10 year old, and even into my late teen years. Then I cracked. After almost 20 years of being abused, being in a burn accident, and the guilt that comes with it, I am no longer good at hiding my traumas. I was diagnosed with PTSD three years ago. I still have night terrors that could be a scene from a scary movie and viewers would actually be terrified, I know my SO is. I feel I can’t talk with anyone, even my psychiatrist, because no one understands how they feel unless you have had them. This extreme terror. Heart Beating. Hyperventilating, screaming bloody murder, reliving the worst moments of your life. I feel like my subconscious is locked in a never ending battle with my past. If this happens to you, please know that I’m sorry but I would love to hear any of your experiences of things that helped or didn’t, if you’re willing to share.",4.329775739041793,6.354485321100924,4.992966360856268,80.83671763506626,71.93577981651377,7.413251783893987,26.790010193679922,8.167268648758528,1.8214915392456672,912,32,165,14,18,293,135,218,0.315,0.593,0.092,-0.9961,0,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,4,2,3,5,19,3,5,10,0,22,5,1,1,1,32,36,13,1,7,6,0,3,1,0,4,3,2,0,0,12,11,0,0,7,0,0,3,5,13,0,2,8,7,31,6,24,18,1,29,0,0,1,1,13,7,0,4,20,119,43,2,0.0,0.15233544953557346,0.12546661649527224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397031323354626,0.0,0.12874514806935794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743259626437498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989973738796815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837560521870897,0.0,0.0,0.14485533556021715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075241471834887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265337283506937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049672035798554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315977271096523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387562346948772,0.0,0.0,0.16983968591373244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576697560743724,0.0,0.0,0.19502787557310866,0.09185105078586442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306978481224717,0.10783914054915468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136947902434114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490870774436815,0.15235709264337866,0.0861783398452739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131836864792846,0.0,0.14503353451504986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081340339160797,0.06281322968576862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604022431797198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916177630216468,0.0,0.0,0.36196513813141545,0.12597214834138426,0.0,0.0,0.13491349360716154,0.0,0.08712294474858974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273543759020054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113219934273696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029245949309464,0.0,0.0,0.13675093974798047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452484798486048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392455576848054,0.0,0.0,0.1026768579096084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334039014183302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083353784262487,0.0,0.0,0.1020709043495403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285497014084085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384680350716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739991582881326,0.0,0.0,0.33118168369427353
ptsd,satanlovesyou2,2020/01/23,"dissociation i’m 15(f) and i was diagnosed about a year ago. i haven’t really experienced any symptoms besides sudden flashbacks every now and then and nightmares. i knew it should be worse bc what happened me was pretty sucky. i was scared for when everything finally hit me and i think it is now. i constantly feel like my brain is far away from my body and i can’t communicate with it. i find myself having to “act” like myself and do and say things i usually would do or say to mask this. is this dissociation? it’s so horrible and confusing. i have been really agitated, i just get so angry so easily and i used to be very timid. i feel like a different person. the weird this is i can’t really think about the trauma. every time i try it feels like my brain goes around it. it’s very complicated and wanted to know if anyone felt like this too?",1.4956508875739658,4.043186656804735,3.7646715976331366,83.1221553254438,84.79881656804733,7.640355029585797,19.692603550295857,8.548686976883017,1.4641713609467453,671,19,134,18,20,230,98,169,0.17,0.723,0.107,-0.9021,1,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,3,4,0,19,5,3,1,0,29,33,17,0,4,3,0,4,5,0,2,2,2,0,1,13,12,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,6,7,22,5,11,22,0,15,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,16,90,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094413813133015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278258258455747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540068767153648,0.0,0.0,0.12145883021958633,0.0,0.0,0.1281880805844948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515519646722686,0.0,0.3046200713913666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744110909780594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848179341509634,0.0,0.14254876886652487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22990995745081,0.0,0.12262176131201985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696159950388854,0.2924142048549781,0.1310019665945061,0.14946126294041484,0.12470194613549175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128327284261088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206517559343194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498280830037463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332838048809751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913248102198094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880659198262527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622172101487536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700209715272856,0.13659833391629428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418114208836699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064340709480803,0.17484804301842038,0.0,0.0,0.0795581498200224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263250979724556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783870663435117,0.15026728471705827,0.22515143301344387,0.08047472283288662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390420740228995,0.09692170738053224,0.0,0.0,0.08786165924017351
ptsd,corduero,2020/01/23,motivation issues Since I got PTSD I have had issues having the energy to work at something.  I just don't feel the energy to do anything productive with myself.  Does anyone else feel like this?,2.5800000000000023,5.569205888888893,4.262444444444443,77.32700000000003,87.33333333333331,7.3244444444444445,18.31111111111111,8.238735603445708,1.6491177777777772,156,4,25,4,5,52,28,36,0.0,0.755,0.245,0.7964,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,17,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945091702292272,0.27761498554582625,0.2229644998036969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371056367181217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22633962915251835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739956826414706,0.19356303262383034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669932280269974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5655919941189728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236995247032826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31671999384959243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412835390349614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858655860921896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725105495816955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Sean538898,2020/01/23,"I think I might have PTSD First, I  want to say that I do not intend to come across as disrespectful to anyone; if I do, I truly am sorry. Something very traumatic happened to me when I was 16 and it just clicked in my mind that I am not over that series of events. I really don’t know if I should go into detail, it’s not necessarily my story to tell. However, I was sort of a “bodyguard” for my best friend who decided to become a prostitute at the time. I know...it is crazy. It’s just, there were too many times where I walked into a situation believeing someone will not walk out alive. I was already diagnosed with MDD before this whole situation. Afterwards, I experienced a level of depression and fear that overcome and demolished my life. Dropped out of school, stopped eating, became a complete recluse, there is just too much to list. I still feel these effects to this day. Can anyone give me some insight on...anything?",4.662995272883542,6.029679743016764,5.601229050279329,79.42906317146543,70.00558659217877,8.859647614954879,29.41168886978943,9.265573868473778,2.5382768371293523,730,28,139,15,13,240,117,179,0.10800000000000001,0.8240000000000001,0.067,-0.725,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,3,10,4,0,1,6,0,16,3,0,2,0,32,24,7,0,4,9,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,11,9,1,1,6,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,4,4,22,2,23,17,4,24,0,1,1,0,5,10,0,5,9,102,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291882644356485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191321059896928,0.0,0.12894812326775612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305931569750574,0.13333744411827916,0.17654364555130678,0.16444363476093984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498042700580662,0.16429362409421194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105647930218352,0.0,0.13496273291748884,0.159043963795942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033995612009794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763274756537787,0.07923061539211795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328622661104494,0.0,0.0,0.12106356676965027,0.0,0.0,0.15031785860309607,0.08905440825161061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856647166040295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722329376959498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106795910393723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886597089093615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623055291029978,0.15821910894812805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519018517968832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317018558666104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100383988992604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461159273028193,0.0,0.15858553745105214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522675597525933,0.0,0.0,0.1327686986859932,0.12063285991814485,0.0,0.17540924993513454,0.0,0.0,0.12513827494866644,0.13100554965107564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695991870715352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100404988763604,0.0,0.0,0.1827423401677061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292912789389503,0.09242383846342377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494639249597208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SpeedosStretch,2020/01/23,"Had the best first date. So why did i cry the entire hour home? Im not sure, its been years since my wife passed away, I'm not sure i can let her go enough to give another woman a shot. I've gone on more than a dozen dates in the past few months, but never wanted to cry afterwards.",1.254999999999999,2.3926035322580685,2.5685806451612905,98.73287096774195,78.19354838709677,6.250322580645161,15.625806451612902,6.742157984588678,-0.712687741935484,217,2,56,2,5,70,51,62,0.156,0.8029999999999999,0.042,-0.7261,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,3,7,10,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,4,0,4,3,6,5,4,15,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,9,32,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821784149640647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955229350683754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839496373091055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571905018145364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502967552594554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770153078218345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996347461271823,0.11827173662551466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087478172233344,0.0,0.20494301185197453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247907632980561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128030262312913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610864652655044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050458503830287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866123030996602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214787185248134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922758827394181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274662305071765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778377412267389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401378206371306
ptsd,BeenSufferingAlone,2020/01/23,"It doesn't matter how ""good"" the present is, when you can't stop living in the past. I was out skiing earlier today and was having flashbacks about my traumas the entire time. It was really frustrating to not be able to enjoy an activity I would typically love because I was so caught up in the past. 

I've come to the conclusion that for as long as I struggle with trauma, I'll also be depressed, because I just can't feel happy while I'm dwelling on the past. 

This thought scares me; maybe it means I'll always be depressed. I can't foresee a future where I ever overcome, or even learn to cope with, my trauma.

I don't plan on hurting myself, but this is really just no way to live. I need help.

Thanks for reading. Sorry if it seemed like a rant.",4.390263157894736,4.998403815789477,5.4761578947368434,82.8741052631579,70.05263157894737,7.922105263157895,27.7,7.908726449838941,1.6402557894736836,588,19,118,7,10,195,100,152,0.16899999999999998,0.7070000000000001,0.124,-0.4547,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,2,10,16,1,3,9,0,16,1,0,1,1,23,26,11,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,6,2,0,2,7,10,0,0,6,1,14,6,18,16,0,22,0,3,0,1,3,7,0,3,13,80,21,2,0.15862709118426474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685402750966698,0.13199044721663894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933952049249961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664319325269034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732505623969071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477169767947953,0.14348728554852652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020662351356339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304887807399546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886148822442482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632439550523726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981358191629048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749718418876263,0.0,0.28014125539747553,0.14037998399462134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316714300893008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593622340247828,0.17279140542493562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761997815655816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542825226946344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867001792794894,0.0,0.20324115298290255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881339099524666,0.0,0.0,0.1444081461972607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775700415895482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261935108100362,0.0,0.16583147733979162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604251334064228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593219158227886,0.09249673251482067,0.0,0.1503599346637495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591080149873432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268413434371502,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Palpatingpickles,2020/01/23,"Return to work after career damaged by PTSD (potential TW) Hi all, 

Figure I'll start with a bit of background, and go into my query from there. 

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD due to my employment. My work involved animals, and my condition evolved from the conflict between my duties and my own sense of personal ethics and morals. Over time, I entered into deeper and deeper cycles of depressions, anxiety and associated factors such as suicidal ideation and auditory sensitivity. 

Then, BAM, I fell into full blown PTSD (hyper-vigilance, nightmares, memory recall, the lot). At the time it happened I was terrified and had no idea what was happening. After a visit to my second  psychologist (the first was terrible), I was formally diagnosed with PTSD under the DSM-5 criteria. This diagnosis was later confirmed by a psychiatrist and a psychologist assigned to my worker's compensation case. 

Due to the condition, and the associated horrors which go along with it, I had no choice but to leave my job entirely. My primary duties were obviously major triggers for me, and even associated tasks (such as administration duties) became significantly troubling. 

I'm on the path to recovery using a combination of CBT and EMDR to deal with symptoms and the root source of my PTSD, and I'm showing signs of progress. I'm still ups and downs, but I'm generally feeling good enough to start being a functioning member of society again (or so I think). In saying that, I've no idea how.

My old career, which I had spent twelve years building is gone. Education, training, experience, all of it. Alternate employment within my field (conservation, biology and zoology) is not an option, as it would involve interaction with equipment and environments which act as major triggers for me. 

So, a complete career change it has to be. I have enough skills in administration and data management to cope, and people skills to boot (including presentation experience). However, no matter what I do I feel like a fraud. I feel like I'm not good enough or skilled enough to gain employment in any other field but what I've known. Hell, half the time I barely even feel human.

I'm also terrified of returning to work in case it hurts me again (as my former position has). 

So, here's my question. For those of you who've managed a career switch (or just re-employment) after suffering from PTSD, how did you do it? Did you go out and completely re-train? Or did you simply re-organise your existing skill-set and apply for roles which were significantly different from your old ones? And, once you started working again, did it help you feel more human? Or was it just added strain on top of your recovery? 

I'm really interested to know, and would like to hear from you. 

​

TLDR: Spent twelve years working a career which led to the development of PTSD. Education, training and experience are all but useless now as any closely associated career would likely act as a trigger. Currently in recovery, and looking at part-time work to make myself feel more human. 

Wondering how other PTSD survivors came back from their condition to find employment, how they did it, and if it helped them.",6.955315425315425,8.524905562610233,7.707160493827164,65.70068376068377,64.80246913580247,11.17693664360331,34.46791480124813,11.10389317310776,4.4101517568850905,2542,113,403,76,39,847,276,567,0.10300000000000001,0.8320000000000001,0.065,-0.966,9,0,0,0,0,0,100.0,0,10,3,14,22,16,1,1,23,0,30,3,0,11,4,96,62,52,1,4,14,0,6,4,0,3,3,2,0,4,24,39,0,5,15,1,2,11,6,9,0,5,21,9,45,7,79,36,15,63,2,5,1,0,29,21,1,10,35,283,69,25,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852616381037005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279925299364065,0.0,0.07153681931331211,0.08022621050198185,0.08979697091555564,0.0,0.05050806836349503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050768269089400964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720809496368044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755137011699169,0.0,0.0,0.06984448414440649,0.0,0.13844951163241684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806769541228656,0.0568662495700006,0.1340256460774469,0.0,0.06898087601889018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27288116603589035,0.0,0.08721626708983306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375199753778874,0.0,0.0,0.20030186931206115,0.0943349104153524,0.0,0.0,0.06034460735147549,0.05615985733884888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256863495882674,0.11075535419501914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676935386737132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744136830581214,0.0,0.08850879657327593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070679902320573,0.1490657916985149,0.0,0.0,0.06551848844438933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036284984037704984,0.0,0.0,0.06990972935808333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902368224660204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544340967130657,0.0,0.0,0.05613112048975087,0.0,0.0,0.044071435899393586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856185883953395,0.07031325079467347,0.044739472862104425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149740099258348,0.0,0.04577262788175878,0.05764948353145601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.617426826632058,0.0,0.07396182787452275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04229657215355554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250481950337889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019607318611224,0.0,0.05272673589338743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221938127004439,0.0,0.0,0.06862406543264286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042305420360707134,0.0,0.0,0.11549712240936826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449571269841625,0.0,0.0,0.0570234122483496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160005436369858,0.28839691670322304,0.0,0.0,0.1407043568355716,0.0,0.08022621050198185,0.12755159383807882
ptsd,Donnimation,2020/01/23,"“You don’t smile like you used to” [TW: Attempted murder/violence mention] When I was very young, I was known as one of the happiest kids ever. I would be incredibly bright about whatever I wanted to talk about. I was very oblivious, but I was happy. That all changed when I was 9.
It seemed like it’d be a normal day in my life, but instead, I had a traumatic event. I was 9 years old when I was nearly murdered at 4 in the morning. Some teen that we didn’t know existed at the time broke into our home, walked upstairs into my room, and tried to kill me for reasons I still don’t know a decade later. I very nearly died.

At first soon after I managed to survive, I thought everything would be fine and back to normal, but I was wrong. A year later, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I became fearful of the world around me, I got several triggers, and I also developed depression. I still have the scars on my neck to prove it.

A common thing I hear from family and friends of family is “you don’t smile like you used to”, and it’s true. I can have my giggly moments, but I rarely smile anymore. Being degraded and disregarded for your mental illness for years will do that to you.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I’m strong, and those same people will act surprised when I have a PTSD moment. It does mean a lot when someone calls me strong, but not when I’ll be disregarded. It’s like their definition of strength is not showing weaknesses.

I’ve had several traumatic events happen since, mainly due to being abused or bullied, but I’m still here. I’m still fighting my demons, and I’ll likely fight them for the rest of my life, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be able to enjoy living. I know I don’t physically smile a lot, my mind can be happy. I hope I can learn to find happiness, and I hope the same thing for everyone else who has PTSD. I know I’ve said things like this a lot to other people, but I still mean every word. Sometimes I have to tell myself these things. Life isn’t easy, but I’ll keep trying.",3.4494108151735245,4.515870280871674,4.6361428571428585,86.34367352703795,72.58353510895884,7.927974172719938,24.904681194511703,8.344100000000001,1.3823556739305902,1578,46,336,25,30,520,203,413,0.162,0.642,0.19699999999999998,0.8589,0,0,0,0,4,1,52.0,2,7,2,6,21,30,4,1,16,0,45,7,1,5,4,65,68,28,3,7,12,0,0,6,1,5,6,2,2,1,19,14,0,3,14,1,0,2,11,10,0,2,17,3,56,20,40,37,9,47,1,2,1,0,24,13,0,8,38,225,75,2,0.07928460200792822,0.0939392886653322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340386758100246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862902078377924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058010509881192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060964964997682385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095844320001899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387259616132732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051132009243639975,0.0,0.0682877115325632,0.080472202110286,0.08228489945988939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938248950664247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662321113997022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171746164529914,0.06680069670852466,0.07575983488555091,0.07125588798407638,0.0,0.14948493324839054,0.08921721969035494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246468987357392,0.06743944196538604,0.0,0.0,0.06125508683736651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341113901197158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011111171419179,0.25319979938587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935950869229313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952892028526361,0.1574949985706642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047179717205929,0.08771666513070239,0.0,0.17429097516834405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800317736732778,0.2324067103268165,0.0,0.07000975613424558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221480014882653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038214222568575,0.0,0.2590925239925012,0.0,0.0,0.07990023088658406,0.0,0.08005484652859225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536415250568347,0.0,0.0,0.08319585270171823,0.0,0.05372529822219985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099319203398231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278038370837268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151777569596777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541781250071225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721777239466159,0.0,0.17913806560845832,0.0,0.06558504208542869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717758599305933,0.0,0.07841449868786496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165839278981352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372595984662617,0.13859647353044166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069266640225795,0.0,0.0,0.06294311781831105,0.09246297804140552,0.0,0.0,0.07575983488555091,0.0,0.1076580807708455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369528799828565,0.0,0.19625430003533476,0.04676411245748159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264301296014174,0.08668526599033234,0.0,0.1531700527359624
ptsd,Dreamcastthree,2020/01/23,"Repressed memory embarrassment I was diagnostic with PTSD while a sophomore in high-school, went through 4 years of therapy for a bunch of issues. The main one being PTSD,  so I used to pride my self in my coping skills, until recently. 
Context: I was abused from before I started school until the end of 5th grade in just about every way by my “step dad” at the time. 
I’m now in my mid 20’s and something set off a repressed memory and I now realize I was groomed as a young child. 
I now have no idea how to handle my self, and I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone in my life. 
I’m sure my husband can tell somethings wrong, getting quiet and having more night terrors and sleep paralysis. 
But I’m too embarrassed to open up to him about it since I never went into detail with him before, but it’s pretty much assumed. 
I’m afraid to open up about it because it might just spiral, but I’m also afraid to not say anything just in case I let it bubble and pop. 
Any advice?",4.371726844583989,5.0361966122449005,5.401224489795919,83.19212715855573,70.12244897959185,8.071585557299844,26.81161695447409,8.139509932561175,1.6024941915227622,760,23,153,10,13,251,117,196,0.091,0.867,0.042,-0.6378,0,0,2,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,14,11,0,8,7,0,9,2,1,2,2,28,20,16,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,5,11,0,2,3,0,0,3,3,9,0,1,5,2,18,2,33,12,4,33,0,0,0,0,10,14,0,2,14,101,23,2,0.0,0.16523429155440034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362762205988481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152408422933106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483585827560294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975119019474106,0.0,0.11476161099806602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501197615487767,0.0,0.2373360620627913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351792065905505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749892885921825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286076947213728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734446832498496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743050295711006,0.0,0.1455573610818061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260470630740724,0.09850293164725413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794233189011052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025172828218442,0.0,0.10755819414664797,0.0,0.0,0.13087138362273418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449998734736198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418783775822021,0.0,0.0,0.3260366270099302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376974222325901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090217343502792,0.0,0.2822767993464505,0.0,0.0,0.2909691006935538,0.0,0.0,0.11536065601006235,0.0,0.13955817932997303,0.0,0.0,0.2147223393823843,0.0,0.0,0.09870871138090163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314370101784482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437839421727725,0.0,0.15948176485648485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813187692218496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044647357785103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069484436083314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25855693409929176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247484537748354,0.0,0.08980603504937625
ptsd,my-dog-says-hi,2020/01/23,"Does anybody else have an anchoring object? I feel really stupid and childish for this but it really helps and I want to know if anyone else does the same... I still have this colourful little elephant from my childhood. I got it when I was born. I was attached to it throughout my childhood and treated it like a real person up until high school. When I used to have nightmares, I would rub my thumb over the tip of his trunk and hold him close. 

My trauma occured in high school. I'm so thankful that my elephant doesn't cause memories and feelings related to that. It just reminds me of a little girl who was happy and healthy, loving and calm and didn't see any bad in the world except for in her nightmares of aliens and robbers! The tip of his trunk is rough now from all the times I used to run my fingers over it. It reminds me that I am safe and calm and okay. 

More often than not I wake up with nightmares, or flashbacks related to my trauma. It feels like it's happening all over again and sometimes it can take an hour or more to calm down. I've started keeping my elephant next to my pillow so I see him when I'm having flashbacks. I hold him close and fight off the feelings and anchor myself to the now - that I'm in bed with soft sheets and warm blankets and my little elephant that I've had since I was a baby. It helps me to bring myself out of the bad memories I have. 

I feel ridiculous for being a grown adult who clings to a stuffed toy like a young child! Sometimes I just wish I was that child again, because everything seems so painful now. Does anybody else use something like this?",4.456015293118097,5.3794173613707175,4.583943642027755,88.18597493627871,70.09034267912773,6.9578589634664425,28.29807419994336,6.782984794422108,1.2669052959501563,1267,44,257,9,22,394,153,321,0.065,0.732,0.203,0.9944,0,0,1,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,15,22,3,0,16,1,18,4,2,4,2,52,43,27,0,4,8,0,10,4,0,1,1,0,2,5,22,21,0,4,7,1,0,3,3,8,0,0,8,13,39,14,38,33,5,41,0,0,3,1,17,20,0,5,22,174,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507390207367738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719231007055903,0.11311500826303353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435415148801004,0.06729712673020574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340836551351792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898280797470306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766681593736895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921791185808827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791007827359287,0.07886780316132531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829474979971834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762390588530437,0.11751990414961412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799387237348513,0.2332814694201733,0.0,0.0,0.10871903370895143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812613045901522,0.0,0.0,0.06067143046402512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21573804076922812,0.33194108052060545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996378102591537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740870652074442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747043628992038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639460300523046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565621675500094,0.14144658482497588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234557811479012,0.17594459824463132,0.1005014919504352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132172945897814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498918116487912,0.2183713666145708,0.0,0.07813972759642407,0.0,0.0881633704737606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300497784564681,0.0,0.0,0.10163893703667187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437351259659163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860432834242476,0.0,0.0,0.06511514654010074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269513662159426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842302473169938,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CavTr00per,2020/01/23,"Help I was diagnosed with PTSD from the VA in 2017. I deployed too khandahar, AFG in 2013 for about 9 months. My bestfriend and gunner (I was his truck commander) killed himself in my CHU 2 months into our deployment about 8ft from me. I woke up and found his body. I tried to respectfully crawl over him. He had put his back against our door. He had locked the door. I contuined to compartmentalize what happened for the next 7 months. It took me almost 6 years to file a claim with the VA. I'm at my stress point. I dont know what to do anymore. I've tried medications. All of them. I'm self medicating with alcohol even though I understand it's going to destroy my life. I just dont know what to do. I am asking for help.",1.1757432432432429,3.447299614864868,2.8472297297297287,91.1246283783784,83.25675675675676,6.672972972972972,21.41216216216216,7.865858978985527,0.9032891891891888,565,18,126,11,16,186,94,148,0.077,0.865,0.057999999999999996,-0.5719,0,0,1,1,0,0,19.0,2,0,1,0,7,4,2,1,5,0,9,6,1,0,1,13,20,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,1,5,6,1,0,4,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,7,0,24,1,25,13,1,17,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,1,6,76,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498017394463346,0.15458449486966358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309874776447185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443200023079127,0.0,0.0,0.11870502399256025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147608076778828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566876103775143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618532431319828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196338444402077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926447319325824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773500162779826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651350736434595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069489271395469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707933210374718,0.0,0.16968117991892154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903979141119896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31103360923291523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696625108213977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417981002612908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593449223163005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804563844296744,0.15518974636086627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610470344189684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683630607908132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516728811216975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715165623739504,0.2096212974350436,0.0,0.0,0.16071006030399626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941258768133104
ptsd,aifost,2020/01/24,"ptsd affecting my relationships i’ve been noticing more and more that the way i deal with conflict resolution w friends is really not effective and has everything to do with how my mom would treat me during our fights. i get caught in this pattern of thinking and feel like i have to protect myself even when the other person doesn’t feel like there’s any argument going on; basically i’ve become very hypervigilant. i feel extremely guilty when this happens because it’s only after the fact that i realize i’m living out my past, and by that point the damage has already been done. i don’t mean any harm to the other person when this happens, it’s legitimately just me trying to protect myself, but it’s so scary to me because the last thing i want to do is follow this generational trauma pattern in my family and become the abusive person my mom is/was (not that i’ve been abusive to my friends, it’s far from that, but i’m worried it could become that someday).

i’m in therapy and in the process of healing, doing everything i can to just get better right now, and i’d really appreciate any advice you guys have to give.",5.780961038961044,6.477211381818183,6.8440259740259775,73.98318181818183,67.0,9.558441558441556,31.623376623376625,9.606745405546679,2.9762467532467527,904,35,163,18,14,304,117,220,0.158,0.738,0.10400000000000001,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,1,0,2,10,10,1,0,8,0,18,1,0,3,1,30,35,14,0,3,6,2,3,2,2,1,1,0,0,4,18,10,0,3,7,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,5,3,21,6,22,28,2,20,0,1,0,0,14,9,0,0,9,110,39,0,0.0,0.2718342848829127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209703695445596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658957515486402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340280350382201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985698445008388,0.3800772715379603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145506949854816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158966701615888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826493213524025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173920862764086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576740953246855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206194805486074,0.0,0.10814199923078184,0.0,0.17400829304760582,0.16390318065979084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725525669241407,0.0,0.11986649368697427,0.11004396831807786,0.06519451894336367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358473704083195,0.2028821400071641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350709038118826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120867757627862,0.0,0.1012944225146292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249570014468333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687029263143511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306024673382734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872450446438895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950734057253177,0.0,0.3004911015210584,0.0,0.0,0.1084416577393745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409434039861845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697724684213753,0.0,0.0,0.12315973387362232,0.0,0.097964992709291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118527363115287,0.0,0.07621077814626401,0.07350399683149443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788316745315582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946509319356986,0.06766119505839385,0.09105450682779613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164974730229188,0.0,0.0814894207474903,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Beagtr0ll,2020/01/24,"Hitting triggers, intense reaction. How do I prevent I lash out and keep control?",3.937857142857141,7.2717499285714275,4.84,72.83000000000003,85.42857142857143,5.6571428571428575,49.85714285714285,7.1686216300943375,5.367542857142858,65,6,8,1,2,21,13,14,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,7,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7837313473334571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6210999719907287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hauntedbyspaghetti,2020/01/24,"Was diagnosed early this month, finally feel closure. I lurked this sub when I was at my worst in regards to flashbacks, triggers, etc and still felt like I didn't belong in the subreddit because I was either faking my symptoms or that I just didn't have a diagnosis. I feel silly about that now, and that I shouldn't have belittled my emotions because I didn't have a diagnosis. But I'm back here. Hello.",5.7273417721518936,6.366986797468357,6.554278481012663,76.21318987341773,67.10126582278481,9.357974683544304,33.52151898734177,9.3871,3.092709367088609,323,14,59,6,5,107,51,79,0.096,0.82,0.084,-0.4253,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,1,0,11,14,5,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,7,3,11,2,5,6,3,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,8,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281864721924877,0.0,0.3617984960792346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30120033546816755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338097178169714,0.0,0.0,0.3309605511574636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300096745149962,0.0,0.2849315806228828,0.3250808747270413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497962708405204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368672119876992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369891286336755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30844233375390795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,flowerlone,2020/01/24,"I just set the stove top on fire. Distraction related to PTSD?

Everything is fine now except my brain. I was so distracted that I caught the bacon I was cooking on fire. Fire dept came and luckily there is very minimal damage. My mom found out and she is coming back from vacation and somehow she wasn't angry with me. I feel like I will get chewed out when my parents get home tonight though.  I'm afraid they are actually angry even though my mom said it was alright. 

I am so angry at myself. I CANT SEEM TO DO ANYTHING FUCKING RIGHT ANYMORE! I'm really shaken up still and I cleaned everything up, bought febreeze, aired out the house. But I still feel the adrenaline even though I took a full clonazepam. I'm so disappointed in myself and I dont trust myself to do anything now. At least for today. I dont know if its because of these flashback effects or because I'm just an idiot. I feel so alone and awful. I'm just thankful it wasn't worse.

I'm so tired of myself. Why can't I do anything right anymore? I'm scared of fire now and I just keep hearing my ex's voice telling me how dumb I am. Maybe I am stupid.. I dont know how to handle this anymore. I feel so anxious and depressed. I just want a drink and I can't because I have to stay away from alcohol. 

I just want to be normal, but now I am more afraid of myself doing damage to others and things and don't know why I just can't be normal...",1.0676720984369794,3.2735273402061864,2.7500055426227696,92.06585966079149,83.15807560137458,5.541780290433433,22.101873406495947,6.828538100315305,0.5673404500609682,1100,37,235,13,31,362,143,291,0.146,0.7809999999999999,0.073,-0.958,1,1,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,2,30,18,4,5,7,2,29,7,1,3,0,47,59,27,0,5,12,4,8,1,0,1,2,3,3,0,8,17,4,1,10,2,1,4,10,13,0,0,11,11,41,5,27,45,3,32,0,4,0,1,10,16,2,4,11,160,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0952805328664035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434525098077344,0.0,0.101123446902608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030306662116472,0.2904917641622888,0.0,0.0,0.2410430852946755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173404699456787,0.07507753947052581,0.0,0.1785575232096944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899621796772684,0.0,0.11167177809758223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841064291472531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409540394442604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432927718225543,0.0956479978698112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897786062743474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550134713717072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747467948027056,0.06975255496386185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705494796851284,0.0,0.09026469072040293,0.10202357459530634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110045040478043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979388022611374,0.0,0.0,0.11266105929487005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678507621459808,0.0,0.0,0.16097775461761396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047700959527711084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809042167191497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287047214244855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132887704427728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084153638950295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413351237413832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254935656235465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676451331772135,0.09287602797800654,0.0,0.0977525985701723,0.0,0.0,0.08888590223418934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406903964830068,0.15594755016039072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533985226066307,0.08989188563572782,0.0,0.0,0.06486630058168323,0.0,0.2877863043034211,0.0,0.0,0.11222043462052612,0.0925493388316528,0.0,0.10847933009378126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056151571493228,0.1151787587826599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620608604471502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950138963373822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Seventeenstranger,2020/01/24,Does anyone feel like they are living in meaningless overtime? It's hard to think about it but sometimes it feels meaningless. Feels like your head is stuck listening to the same song. I hate PTSD. Even good days seem so temporary. 😔,2.6363565891472867,5.641253139534888,2.2980232558139555,91.35153100775194,87.3720930232558,6.587596899224807,21.12015503875969,7.793537801064563,1.2714062015503882,187,6,35,4,6,55,37,43,0.263,0.578,0.16,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,10,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,3,4,9,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875006558945952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486723587966454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237130797834392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884840756406924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877791700327239,0.3652598289932584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144194633526505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22900403899889765,0.2523924694107488,0.2623613222044772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497864677348796,0.0,0.22573560376757815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988305391377855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23272587983903995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528353929914444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163804370390593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lokisvixen,2020/01/24,They barked at her Some guy jumped out of their truck and barked at my service dog triggering me to go into a panic attack,3.2832000000000012,4.8812295200000015,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,73.8,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.4106000000000001,98,2,20,1,2,31,23,25,0.225,0.775,0.0,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,14,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5706631357091383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850811914756631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966808973186909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5885408958161956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,baggypinksocks,2020/01/24,"4 years after PTSD diagnosis Hello!

A close family member was just hospitalized and diagnosed with CPTSD.   They are starting their healing journey and I think it has triggered me. 

4 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD and treated in trauma therapy for 2 years before going the past 2 years at it alone. I am sober from alcohol and also have gained 20 pounds from comforting myself with food (I also find myself shopping a lot also) 

But now the anxiety and depression seems to be hitting me. 

My questions for this group are:

-where are you at 2- 4 +  years after diagnosis and treatment?

-has anyone had a good experience with  short term anxiety meds? I think I need some to be able to go to the dentist 🦷 

-what do you tell a therapist when starting to work with them?

-I was told I could fully recover from PTSD but maybe I have more of the CPTSD...... ughhhh not so much a question more of uh huh. 

I don’t know.  I just feel angry!  I am way better than I was 4 years ago but basic life is still difficult.

I also don’t want to be on medication long term.

That being said I had a lovely trauma therapist social worker who taught me so many wonderful skills but I am starting to think I will probably need to see someone long term......

I know this is reddit and I need to talk to a mental health professional  but any tips or personal experience would be nice to hear.",2.8716541353383462,5.11467822556391,4.529524812030076,81.53915939849627,76.89473684210526,7.8650225563909775,24.173834586466164,8.726425361277474,1.9096846917293235,1072,36,203,24,25,360,153,266,0.076,0.8240000000000001,0.10099999999999999,0.8605,0,1,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,3,5,12,10,0,0,11,1,29,10,0,1,0,42,53,20,0,6,9,0,1,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,7,13,2,0,11,1,1,3,3,4,1,0,9,4,30,6,30,35,8,33,0,1,1,1,18,7,0,7,22,138,37,4,0.09285454269287599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461989914943914,0.09923326726904606,0.0,0.09616930276494036,0.0,0.29702297697628266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631442731490999,0.0,0.14206694201198078,0.0,0.0,0.06492605522651282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901237677141347,0.0,0.0,0.08212229726747479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413679669735641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997548156027985,0.1884908125210012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165912028688108,0.08753499900817062,0.0,0.04695004675235687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486736981941262,0.0,0.11228008160001417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105542752892275,0.07788198495684549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870003680835793,0.10465381807747788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206085661585128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655859095390444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434669664227994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789416116876137,0.08380485006371012,0.0,0.0,0.09413993219381243,0.09328486863380216,0.0,0.10314046437354953,0.09354118296973073,0.0935755394128999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825877285987897,0.20655140055338767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864016771085792,0.0,0.08107700511274579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011290191808954,0.0,0.32562597429176915,0.0,0.2080366771528388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832593357724662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399304860805299,0.08453128829486313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946535128270943,0.07867535269929363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716876971317812,0.0,0.07415375773963333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463296414896987,0.0811589630432121,0.0,0.1061872619229414,0.2156225616593637,0.0,0.17849232496646875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872649473705095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476801505850362,0.07370361396640304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006967906408207,0.06759921297267976,0.0,0.0,0.06596120300203916,0.0,0.0,0.35877168683067306
ptsd,PraiseEris88,2020/01/24,"Bessel Van Der Kolk: How trauma lodges in the body. Hi, i'm new here and still working up the courage to open up properly, but recently something happened which sent me on a bit of a journey and I thought others may find this useful.

To give a bit of loose background I've had a real problem experiencing emotions due to past trauma. I have been numb for as long as I can remember.

I have recently had the fortune to be able to afford and work with a great therapist. He has pointed me in the direction of some recent studies into mindfulness and yoga for assisting the treatment of ptsd and c-ptsd. 

I started yoga at his recommendation (with some scepticism) and have had some really profound results regarding my mental health.

This prompted me to do further research and I came across this interview with Bessel Van Der Kolk who covers the subject of how trauma is being treated through teaching people to reconnect with their bodies:

https://castbox.fm/vb/214415477

For me a few things fell into place whilst listening to it.

I'm sure some people here will find it useful and informative. 

Big love.",6.672357142857141,8.293423350000001,6.560428571428571,73.47200000000002,65.5,9.314285714285717,34.285714285714285,9.606745405546679,3.5110214285714285,890,40,143,18,14,281,126,200,0.087,0.794,0.11800000000000001,0.8666,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,5,11,1,0,12,0,15,5,2,5,1,36,27,13,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,9,16,0,0,5,2,0,4,0,6,0,0,7,2,13,5,32,16,7,28,0,0,0,1,11,14,0,5,10,100,22,5,0.1309254680289121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858734033772958,0.2908573598922552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974385648241906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727352944629846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23932701172716775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255956389912452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434579070938092,0.0,0.0,0.1157769589899688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391676501638357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586491922137795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816534656764685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194207777442196,0.0,0.13219740005367725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264486328705538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498317375909836,0.18153446895488198,0.0,0.13678924802482434,0.0,0.1237668861384492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527799103298792,0.3060897316751401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902184584962755,0.08387420735753179,0.0,0.387819314137196,0.0,0.14831303288209174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079282172829404,0.0,0.0,0.09266972014054972,0.0,0.10455724789121083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339570417798035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520145594611337,0.08698106334763668,0.0,0.0,0.10394019709826216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22615513549364735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906306000796928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,journeyjett,2020/01/24,Time distortion? Recently diagnosed with PTSD has anybody else experienced time distortion? Where time seems to have sped up or certain flashbacks from your past just randomly come back to you for no apparent reason?,8.491619047619048,11.734381400000006,7.165714285714286,64.46761904761905,63.57142857142857,12.666666666666664,40.23809523809524,11.855464076750405,6.409095238095237,179,10,24,7,3,54,31,35,0.07200000000000001,0.872,0.055,-0.163,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,8,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,6,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,7,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291514286383041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25670937716766346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302474053416473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24894926044081275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844844315160656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34835794567174017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30640409226607396,0.2942490944845796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712972698148343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5213163867594863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bleepblorp9878,2020/01/24,I feel broken I get startled SO easy. At home it's mainly my dad cause he walks quietly and has a loud voice. Today all he did was say my name and I screamed like a banshee. Everyone always gets mad at me when this happens. I can't help it. I'm such a freak. How can anyone ever love me when I have PTSD :(,-1.6301492537313391,0.3187830746268681,1.1125522388059714,99.01957462686569,98.8507462686567,3.8740298507462687,15.655223880597012,5.6839178017228535,-0.7487898507462689,234,6,56,2,10,80,53,67,0.242,0.619,0.14,-0.6939,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,3,0,6,1,0,2,2,8,12,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,6,9,2,2,10,2,7,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,5,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24533104079936666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615943854501176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028825661416692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667002487484437,0.0,0.2817328771206145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908029210090382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30808414206574164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26072661392681223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762547337119013,0.0,0.2957492127604494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440442490875401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661051988482456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446529430106225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344691196887685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794744623073924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Connors_Town,2020/01/24,"I'm losing myself TW: CSA

I've known i was sexually abused by a stranger for a few years now, and I've learnt to cope with that.
But recently, memories have unrepressed of my mother molesting me and I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. 
I no longer feel human, I don't feel connected to myself, it's a long long story that I won't get into but I feel so disgusting that I can't eat and I'm scared to sleep. I miss feeling like myself, but I don't know if it'll ever come back. 
I'm scared, I feel so alone and alienated, I just want to know someone out there gets it.
I want to feel human again.",3.6510000000000034,3.5459039076923102,5.452115384615387,84.91663461538462,71.46153846153845,9.26923076923077,26.25,9.188382445141503,1.7619999999999996,468,13,108,9,8,162,75,130,0.212,0.71,0.079,-0.9561,0,1,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,2,2,3,0,8,2,1,1,1,27,26,11,0,3,5,1,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,8,1,0,10,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,1,6,17,2,12,23,1,11,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,9,64,23,0,0.0,0.20527363312136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943537393634862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718180432743456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321901875130146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924005289320444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727861781936802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671508821638874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5256042595585576,0.12377026462528015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103257769153056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28564199975367305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464149286980767,0.0,0.0,0.3066426616327922,0.0,0.19382310775535008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106406828284645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34690815265784364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337572142786198,0.0,0.14679467278324113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437538755572288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156770738923967
ptsd,lllaaauuurrreeennnnn,2020/01/24,"I feel alone. Any advice? Hey guys. So back in December my therapist diagnosed me with ptsd, depression and anorexia (the last two are linked to the first). To give a little background as to why I deal with ptsd its because while my brother and I were growing up he dealt with tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizures for roughly 8 years. Unfortunately I often fell witness to his episodes. A lot of scarring memories came out of these years and I deal with flashbacks and nightmares on a daily basis. 

Anyways, my main issue right now is that I feel really alone in my experience and don’t know how to help it. It only makes me feel more depressed and hopeless when I think about the fact that I’ve never heard of anyone with a story similar to mine and don’t have anyone to relate to.

Advice on how to feel a little less alone would be really appreciated.",5.454796430563302,6.515511914110434,5.97068600111545,78.6485331846068,67.8957055214724,8.626659230340213,29.54210819854993,8.841846274778883,2.3305141104294487,674,24,124,11,11,218,107,163,0.11599999999999999,0.835,0.049,-0.8739,0,3,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,8,0,8,1,0,3,2,29,18,13,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,14,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,3,0,2,3,6,15,1,26,13,4,21,0,3,0,0,10,9,0,2,9,86,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260062985228331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413451716962904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904900954160035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608702387179532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232027800415272,0.0,0.08111638333468739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219315204980094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743723842710719,0.2292207542002157,0.1350601626990821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016501978834996,0.0,0.0,0.269130611441184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318668764273952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764995259775952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175721051045824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919197791875566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388873336762193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313012085514113,0.10846733207777497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266736102419207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131287703167914,0.0,0.0,0.08882322864557914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026294423657582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012034188097556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110963091777107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049220306303625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363845621629146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450099593613786,0.0,0.08526393454083335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998708389598518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007223356858247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945269500420876,0.0,0.0,0.1713815180948621
ptsd,nicknamedmadmax,2020/01/24,"Encouragement and positive advice needed: Panicking about invasive medical procedure this Friday (Potentially triggering) I have to get a transvaginal ultrasound by a complete stranger I've never met before. I have ptsd from being abused by medical providers. I read online about the procedure and people have said it's uncomfortable at the least and very painful at the worst. A technician has to put a dildo-like ultrasound probe into my vagina against my cervix and move it around for about 45 minutes to locate my ovaries. 

I don't want a stranger to touch me like that and I'm panicking because the idea horrifies and disgusts me. In fact, in a ""would you rather"" scenario, I'd rather die than get this ultrasound. But that's not an option I'm only 21 I have a lot to live for and I just want to get through this and go back to living a life where I'm asymptomatic and happy (which I was until I found out about the ultrasound).

I haven't been able to go to work or school or eat or sleep since I found out I have to get this done (to see if I have an ovarian cyst that caused me to collapse in severe pain and nearly pass out). I've just been crying myself sick for hours on end. I know that when I get this ultrasound I will probably have flashbacks and intrusive memories and be in severe pain. I'm worried that I'll get so overwhelmed that I'll start to have suicidal thoughts. I have a therapy appointment in a week but I have to get the ultrasound and experience a lifetime of PTSD symptoms and emotional agony to get through before then.

I need advice and encouragement that I can get through this because I feel like I can't. And what do I tell the poor ultrasound technician that has to deal with me? I have no idea how to cope during the 45 minutes I'm being probed so if anyone has had this done and has advice for that I'd appreciate it.",5.348780991735539,6.232156360881548,5.879548898071628,79.84841425619838,68.03581267217629,9.796556473829202,31.10296143250689,9.928628108626363,2.953266391184572,1481,58,287,34,24,479,173,363,0.14400000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.062,-0.9677,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,1,0,1,15,11,1,1,21,0,31,12,2,3,2,54,60,30,2,9,12,0,2,2,0,2,9,1,0,0,21,23,1,0,7,1,1,5,6,6,0,0,11,4,32,5,50,44,3,29,0,1,1,1,7,15,0,7,11,196,53,3,0.091188439287521,0.1080433893117728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673248624892889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376107698665487,0.0,0.0,0.08117704403770952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011828108566515,0.0,0.11117525241835904,0.0,0.15518929097554116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367564615994067,0.0,0.0,0.09560934366030616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001662186781078,0.0,0.09401127683450168,0.0,0.0,0.09463920318257472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866348666820505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330853860995893,0.0,0.1025747205700809,0.08076589104600758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919979131282528,0.0,0.0,0.04610761480980333,0.0651450392473167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999668339214652,0.0,0.0,0.42877976277324603,0.0,0.1036489829710124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707178926370462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980224418591465,0.0,0.0,0.20588129692126567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050114781448710816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440909143131071,0.08910013065979766,0.0,0.16104212508106966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752515015280248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372551814360746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969188797178673,0.0,0.13523014457435614,0.0703301459675006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693529171866082,0.2910927859947893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321858210668782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831656065175642,0.0,0.21318881141771714,0.09166956789989192,0.0,0.0,0.0912131161742434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867410877049132,0.0,0.0,0.09228756887739847,0.07266537990512012,0.0,0.0,0.20603396127519646,0.0,0.07543201929396808,0.0,0.09125429448781346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645436466720286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974535209795043,0.0,0.0,0.09477970384953903,0.0,0.0,0.0797027152304516,0.0,0.10428192747656638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239343494678054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524001243813391,0.10757060820554896,0.0,0.07314586559458341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638626985038552,0.09260628648865596,0.0,0.06477765094571697,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Phoenix91357,2020/01/24,"When you think you're okay... Could be over 10 years later and you bump into someone and all of the air drains from the room and you can feel the blood drop from your face and the chills and shakes set in and then it takes tears, nightmares, flashbacks and days to recover. 

You think it's so under control and doesnt matter anymore and haven't had an episode in a long time but it's always there lurking under the surface ready to strike...how can something that happened over a decade ago have shattered my psyche so much that people, places, events and memories are just left as horrible triggers that I attempt to keep buried. 

Years ago I would never admit to mental health issues such as ptsd, anxiety and depression...it was also treated so much differently and you were just drugged into oblivion and kept it under the rug. The anxiety, agitation and depression like to rear their ugly head sometimes and it's just too hard to fight back so you fall into a pit of despair that takes awhile to get out of, but at least I get out and for that I'm a little stronger than I was.  I haven't taken anything in years but I wish there was a magical cure all for everyone for how broken trauma can make you feel. For every episode you survive, for every memory and flashback that haunts you...you're still here, you made it this far and keep fighting. <3 (Kintsugi, broken but beautifully repaired.)",6.572424812030076,6.999939729323309,6.020817669172933,81.50724154135341,65.2406015037594,8.604887218045112,30.910714285714285,8.278499904357787,2.1585345864661662,1112,38,207,13,16,341,156,266,0.198,0.741,0.061,-0.9885,1,0,2,0,3,0,33.0,0,10,1,3,17,9,2,1,13,1,16,5,3,5,3,50,34,32,0,3,7,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,13,23,0,4,5,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,8,3,18,3,34,23,5,40,0,2,0,0,14,21,0,0,16,140,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448450683954185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044322631790487,0.1149151597306428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211301247986276,0.0,0.13696392773648647,0.0,0.0,0.11364937595007225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619490077793972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489749338077155,0.11026631137407857,0.0,0.0,0.08906687059381509,0.0,0.11895039636008647,0.0,0.0,0.14429125545922447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015898085393962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327203290981533,0.13196609149090827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966097012140075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430924957806704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212657798134854,0.0,0.12371574617690075,0.0,0.14173648153271834,0.14680009760566695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414666287810626,0.0,0.2455097122950674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005244811726753,0.0,0.0,0.06747155940088402,0.13841837846234362,0.0,0.1222193622637668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067912762356534,0.09218675063031692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917824920358488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304743224624125,0.0,0.1065157724501554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574523148877136,0.0,0.14429125545922447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143838899738636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701666816844145,0.10632065749651616,0.13659025159821328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029153813935907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767687602289364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769853492409991,0.0,0.0,0.08053065214679576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881495198753304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810645823453833,0.0,0.0,0.2668069858330219
ptsd,soggy-lumps,2020/01/24,"Is it possible to have very minor ptsd as a result of situations caused by social anxiety? First things first, I in no way intend to be disrespectful, or undermine the experiences of anyone with this post. I am really scared to post this because I’m preempting negative or hostile responses regardless of how supportive and nice this community seems, so please be considerate if you intend to comment. Also, I probably won’t look at the comments for a long time as a way to reduce the fear I’ll feel when reading them. So keep that in mind if you’re expecting a reply from me. 

I experience social anxiety a lot. And quite severely too. Even with medication and regular therapy it still affects my daily life to a great extent. 

For those of you not familiar, social anxiety disorder could be summarised as an intense, usually irrational fear of being judged by others. Yes, of course it makes oral presentations a NIGHTMARE, but it also affects how loud I play music when home alone, in the fear that neighbours will judge my (un-noteworthy) music taste. Or what brands I buy, in fear of the cashier judging me. Or what pictures I set as my lock screen in case someone else sees it. Basically, it’s a very irrational fear that I’m very aware of. Regardless, I have little control over it as it is essentially instinctual, as y’all probably understand. 

Every now and then something will happen in my life that causes me great stress. A mundane event that becomes worse when combined with my SAD. Usually this is some form of criticism. The symptoms I’ve found most prominent are the main symptoms of PTSD; increased anxiety/aggression, reliving the event when triggered, avoidance of things I once enjoyed because of the event, things somewhat related to the event triggering anxiety and stress, dreams and nightmares surrounding the event etc. I’ll provide a few examples of these affecting me below. Not all of my symptoms, because I’m writing on mobile and some of them are self explanatory. 

For example, I used to do low level volleyball. The training sessions were really difficult for me as, being a beginner, I feared how my team perceived my ability. It continued like this, and was particularly bad during one session. I can’t remember what happened, which is pretty standard for my stressful memories, but I know it didn’t appear severe otherwise others on my team would also remember. For weeks after, the topic of volleyball caused great stress to me. 

The thought of practicing or going to games caused panic attacks. When I thought of the event my core would seize up, heart rate would increase, limbs would start trembling, and sometimes my breathing would speed up or become sporadic. A bit like a mini panic attack, without all the symptoms or duration (these episodes lasted a few seconds, 10 at the most).  

I would avoid the topic of volleyball for weeks after, even stopping reading a book series that mentioned volleyball because it reminded me too much of the event. I would lose interest in volleyball, despite me actually really enjoying it. 

It’s been a few years, but thinking of this instance still causes some of these symptoms, to a lesser degree. I don’t think I’ve ever had nightmares about this specific situation, but similar events have had negative influences on my dreams in the past. 

I’ve provided examples of these symptoms in relation to /just one/ event, but keep in mind this still occurs for all of my most stressful experiences which are numerous. 

Idk. I just feel kinda bad posting this here, because there are people with legitimately debilitating symptoms from horrible experiences and I’m curious about my problems, which are comparably laughable. And I’m worried I’m doing this ‘for attention’ or to be ‘special’, which I’m not. I just can’t help worrying about how others will see this post, and whether I can even trust my own motives. Anyway, thanks for your time. I don’t have anyone else I can talk to, so this is helpful.",7.819914212548014,8.808384623943663,7.921209987195906,67.0120838668374,62.61971830985915,11.524967989756725,38.67157490396927,11.299434782280676,4.909633802816902,3193,160,497,90,44,1036,334,710,0.193,0.7,0.107,-0.9967,0,3,1,0,0,0,90.0,0,4,2,8,34,41,3,17,38,1,47,13,2,22,4,111,78,51,0,14,23,0,2,2,1,11,10,1,1,1,49,16,1,6,16,9,1,4,13,27,0,5,9,8,52,14,88,51,23,74,0,3,4,0,21,23,0,21,42,364,101,8,0.0,0.0,0.04758858723343292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050687511390941,0.0,0.11699447203623495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922344431574655,0.0,0.0,0.06819665046297382,0.04996653600325805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095674373134798,0.0,0.0,0.08143515603389752,0.14863652300945632,0.10771644445875372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053239848220605734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25048060666383376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546952223388088,0.03893568763091567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589006771573235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147548092029437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054386987353938966,0.09662846103500043,0.04411164429494383,0.041087463279649,0.0,0.0,0.19081004515667588,0.0,0.3292518867521371,0.049315115733125234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296067951037442,0.0,0.0534694084605249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02771484499860428,0.0,0.0,0.16129408118127375,0.0,0.0,0.08624723603173469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778795185861135,0.06537365169983332,0.0,0.04891628011229869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669093351501986,0.0,0.0,0.026800521532920226,0.03975080356734365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888974437960263,0.047649214489297965,0.04887634925869681,0.0,0.04315638069553148,0.04095116297172148,0.05455668680503256,0.0,0.04145911437605409,0.0,0.0,0.032551687650766235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912662055798851,0.0,0.0,0.09847952878257088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0358486254672053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051934204794305217,0.06609021542169424,0.0,0.0,0.11443280153596555,0.0,0.0,0.046552670674871614,0.0338082083180382,0.0,0.0,0.05353043038441354,0.0,0.054976344489862834,0.1868174141520496,0.0496125597542208,0.10515600486003268,0.04666248170821197,0.11400970264283525,0.0,0.0,0.051868650061954284,0.09755840546224508,0.0,0.09372225642366114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048475676988972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882327926181955,0.0,0.0777203859838482,0.04439474030046715,0.0508735796842158,0.11018341208012594,0.0,0.0,0.10963006782320764,0.0,0.14913240547670015,0.0413192785959829,0.037542453877450366,0.04823082683535223,0.0,0.034516830013860016,0.0,0.11683378605344755,0.040770564577535695,0.2793064753049846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533908565707266,0.0,0.3548058665190689,0.0,0.03919626836503495,0.0,0.04489718636598848,0.05576817781177887,0.0,0.09719390239147067,0.062494575064891575,0.0,0.07742952302880536,0.05687170047911237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076713202716082,0.0,0.04211817170029386,0.10741773190516399,0.120711186312313,0.0,0.07741637131639897,0.07823429691768714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700868952389441,0.0,0.0,0.09904849241587776,0.04969672626697269,0.2424938002692089,0.0,0.0,0.03140370898021706
ptsd,OldHickoryFace,2020/01/24,"Is it possible to have PTSD from a war you never fought? Hey, everyone. So I’ll cut straight to the point: I did an in-depth study of WWI, including analysis of photographs, diaries, letters, the works. And now, thanks to an overactive imagination aiding the fleshing out of the human side of the war (specifically the Somme), I’m experiencing phenomena that seem to be related to post-traumatic stress. Certain things (fireworks, gunshots, and other sudden, loud noises) are mildly unsettling in good days, and utterly terrifying on bad days. Sometimes, when I’m alone and everything is quiet, I swear I can hear artillery. It’s not as bad as it was, and I’ve gone to a therapist about it, but it sometimes gets to the point that it’s debilitating. I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this? I want to stress: I’m not military in any way; I am very thoroughly a civilian, and have nothing but the utmost respect for the military. This just seemed like the place to ask about this.",8.145869565217389,8.02793836956522,8.388173913043477,67.69595652173916,62.04347826086956,12.36,38.508695652173905,11.792908689023552,4.775827826086957,796,37,138,23,10,262,118,184,0.11800000000000001,0.773,0.109,-0.1739,0,1,1,1,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,1,6,14,4,2,15,0,11,1,1,0,2,21,25,13,2,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,13,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,4,5,6,6,23,20,0,17,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,5,8,84,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826041916225858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391298313452944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684516180610001,0.15656729730610364,0.0,0.0,0.1428525196875518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25517242750421626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970938185225029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276493916205611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601220809726773,0.13733173468770166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798345694022655,0.0,0.0,0.1281660075521785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222290938674126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930610220531934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785302540164112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662100296736127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964922943997162,0.0,0.2889011861312701,0.17226524712431293,0.14634543418015933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786214578522848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27821678504978936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763714293598798,0.30225710279205315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500763787647317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068277868037346,0.0,0.17741896846470298,0.10151718749707182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260805444821447,0.09012864573874764,0.12128989713699605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571105162384786,0.11124422734190054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EllieD1,2020/01/24,"First psychiatrist appointment didn’t go so well Rant! So - I had my first psychiatrist appointment today and I’m upset. Basically the doc was dismissing my past experiences of child abuse and assault; writing it off as depression and anxiety disorder; was even questioning what I said happened because I “was only 3 years old”; and that I should let go of the past and concentrate on the present. Man, seriously I went there to get help and now I feel worse.",7.696144578313253,8.415688975903617,8.086409638554219,66.65346987951811,62.85542168674698,12.905060240963854,38.286746987951815,12.340626583579946,5.26196578313253,367,18,63,13,5,121,60,83,0.292,0.65,0.057,-0.9658,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,15,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,4,1,2,7,2,8,1,6,6,0,14,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,9,41,11,0,0.0,0.2403335320766121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517288461997578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365005051864715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470674031308067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23247347141258298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397463205994564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841751580790207,0.0,0.0,0.10256255374303123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34507306834224283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059761016453017,0.0,0.2305585407145101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937171289554454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596011215154974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741876540998425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284761060053087,0.0,0.0,0.15426979525028786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38726955960612747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272284519071174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294833415613186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226964313167536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237850716282208,0.18803572984280995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671240786262216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062301657950148
ptsd,lglssnb,2020/01/24,"Crocodile brain I have red something about a Crocodile brain and traumatic stress injury being related, I may be wrong, they seem to indicate that this reptile inhabits a specific region of our brain, my question is if this is true, has anyone found an effective way of communicating with this entity? I mean what does a crocodile think about? From the little I have seen of Nature documentaries they seem to spend about 50/50 % of thier lives either Basking in the sun, or Floating in the water like logs with eyes? What are they thinking about while their doing this? I heard it said it pays to know your enemy, but what's to know here? It's really sad for me to know that once this reptile was my friend, to help keep me safe!?! I'm gonna start by giving the beast a name, it's got to have some kinda understanding!!!",6.831474358974361,6.953925352564106,6.978974358974362,75.89935897435899,64.7051282051282,10.77948717948718,29.51282051282051,10.504223727775694,2.9060820512820515,649,19,122,15,9,209,104,156,0.09,0.774,0.136,0.8621,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,4,1,5,7,0,1,9,0,12,5,4,1,1,26,31,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,14,3,1,2,12,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,6,5,15,4,22,21,2,6,0,1,3,0,13,3,0,8,3,80,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499319633062766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5507701757302186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143918728199803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803202398663831,0.12706021729817413,0.0,0.0,0.15776356411377168,0.0,0.0,0.13153247375809654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023305563739544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617825758452008,0.0,0.0,0.2711462466390393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034610849022471,0.16483060643223746,0.14521985498162845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914350246113048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751429188279269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842311409213632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535631647898316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564376795340354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994336556274457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660817621261594,0.0,0.0,0.11640456191172364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883866385408461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075671286635936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120708248015115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053949021770234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980953585984955,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TwistNothing,2020/01/24,"Any advice for dealing with paperwork while experiencing ptsd? (TW: sexual assault) I’ve missed appointments and put off paperwork that could help me a lot financially... Aside from PTSD I had a severe concussion after being sexually and physically assaulted in early 2019, the effects lasted 6 months and made me incapable of doing many regular life things including working regularly.  There are programs I could apply to that provide compensation for injuries as a result of a crime, I’m eligible and I already get my emdr therapy 70% covered by this, but whenever I think of doing more or calling places I get brain fog and feel dizzy and usually have a panic attack until I distract myself. 


It’s the same with my follow up appointment with a neurologist, and it took me months of putting it off to finally see my psychiatrist to renew my medication because the last time we had met, it was a few months after the assault and we spoke about it briefly. Nowadays, going back is a reminder of what happened that right now I can’t handle well, but I need to do a lot of it soon... Does anyone have suggestions or ideas? Thank you <3",8.608151223776225,8.330563687500002,9.14416083916084,63.182657342657365,61.16346153846153,12.371328671328671,39.1013986013986,11.741389052700956,4.935975000000001,909,42,146,25,11,306,142,208,0.138,0.825,0.037000000000000005,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,1,0,2,6,9,4,2,13,0,14,3,1,3,0,29,30,15,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,12,13,0,0,4,0,0,5,1,7,1,0,7,4,19,2,26,20,5,27,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,4,16,107,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243477256122774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955668811360534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921625597348307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476316924309552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418077887249365,0.0,0.10421139120574363,0.0,0.08261559997465108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129221856079206,0.13838754760288774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216413511896336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972170732454836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860001489511215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852619046148391,0.0,0.0,0.1484624828289901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161383976274008,0.0,0.07702274317929518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198454963599994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084045005163356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299274342732097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094411384890006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572626311467086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304392984473594,0.0,0.12823830138210968,0.0,0.13740243875732738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652853114261285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245274987832067,0.0,0.0,0.10049106510348092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901096117325927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159618173825522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168460818398637,0.2724828120189078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573875528653355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799694765983896,0.0,0.0,0.15310619005254006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477444687547895,0.15498618294239888,0.0,0.09003767936002928,0.08683980743108496,0.0,0.0,0.07902649970427525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057475226100214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492631183369506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185445722454845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866479084985634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,chelseamarie613,2020/01/25,"Help with 2 parents with Illness So I have two parents with mental illness, my mother with PTSD who was a police officer and my father with Alcoholism and substance abuse disorder. 

My mother recently decided to steal my dog and continuously talks about me and my personal mental illness struggles(suicidal ideation,etc) to my siblings and dad to the point where no one in my family wants to talk to me anymore. She is like the queen bee that always has to have her way. 

My parents are divorced by the way yet she still has a hold over my dad because he is still in love with her even though he couldn’t quit drinking or gambling or smoking or any of his issues for our family.

Most recently, my mom decided to steal my dog from me after having her babysit him for a week and told me not to come to her house anymore because I’d be trespassing so I can’t even see my dog. Told me if I want him back I’d need to take her to court (so in the process of this now- really didn’t want to do it but had no other choice). I adopted him and have all the paperwork and the cops in the area won’t help me get him back because she’s also a cop even though she’s not allowed to work anymore until Cleared by a psychologist which I think is unlikely to happen.

She consistently blames all dysfunction in the family on my BPD which was likely caused by family issues so it just seems like a never ending blame game in my family.

Is there any hope for this situation? I recently saw some texts pop up on my dads phone and it was unlocked so I honestly invaded privacy to see what was going on behind my back and the things my mom was saying about me were devastating. Accusing me of not being able to foster healthy relationships, etc, basically anything you’ll google on BPD that’s negative she’ll throw at other people and me to hurt me somehow.

I really don’t know what to do anymore, seems like a lost cause.

Is this normal behaviour for parents to bash their kids to their kids faces and to each other and get siblings in on anything.

Right now my mom has convinced everyone in the family that the dog is better off with her and I’m once again the bad guy because I’m suing her for the dog back.",7.255593925525275,6.121439890160183,7.737138547950907,74.97043426253383,64.28604118993135,11.2406490534637,34.05127938423133,10.436869588844218,3.313774370709382,1740,62,343,36,22,577,210,437,0.115,0.794,0.091,-0.9011,5,0,2,0,2,0,25.0,1,1,2,5,27,14,0,0,20,0,32,7,1,3,4,56,56,28,0,8,9,13,0,4,0,3,4,1,0,4,18,23,2,1,6,2,1,3,12,5,0,2,12,4,58,9,62,38,6,45,0,2,3,1,54,21,0,10,23,247,76,1,0.0698921682429513,0.08281079051596958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469347228606875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589274169254328,0.058155882922997275,0.0,0.0,0.09505814221955904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27725700124464897,0.0,0.0,0.1150305985305379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497105277100687,0.0583570410850465,0.17042246818100507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181394308408316,0.0,0.0,0.17605347842131736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359701893864354,0.0,0.06020591426578777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010247997990907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846771665174396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190371596865276,0.0,0.15589648550238402,0.13848935386719494,0.0,0.0,0.06678496191920909,0.0,0.0,0.3953286958546417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303154642815826,0.0,0.03972132987811845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920423499155963,0.06180541355481156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369449421914752,0.0,0.0,0.06941869328185253,0.0,0.08064617825023078,0.07482101164828582,0.0,0.0,0.14589853018051432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841090782821811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365831320548927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629555789408128,0.0,0.06308041061169882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086973355097032,0.0,0.0,0.24557058817981856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182415715170025,0.05390514886446312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847948536567625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443287814513289,0.04736074202495509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104279266133371,0.0,0.0,0.04845442921497747,0.06102714544314276,0.0,0.0,0.06607069013482117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170020449709013,0.0,0.0,0.07433892412341947,0.0,0.0,0.08954942533537119,0.0,0.20703025285773435,0.07503803227914466,0.0,0.059687529795161134,0.0,0.05558105745301783,0.0,0.0,0.11139001824021014,0.12725441000424578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856172547213289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163195168443037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645068809984992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255021233103962,0.11235335473081076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643325095543172,0.04478407928802065,0.13733740087355786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356992383841818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827449264411457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367263501999155,0.11095429987721206,0.056063281533896614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508823308925748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,megsmelody14,2020/01/25,"Medical ptsd, common? Hello all. I was diagnosed with breast cancer while 28 weeks pregnant. I had a lumpectomy at 32 weeks, then did an induction, IVF to preserve my fertility, then 3 months of chemo, radiation, and am now in a medically induced menopause (my breast cancer was hormone-reactive). I have been struggling much more since I stopped my active treatment (chemo, radiation, etc.) and went back to “normal life”. Every pain is cancer, the world is not safe, and I’m gonna die, are all constant thoughts. How common is medical ptsd like this? Am I alone? When I read ptsd things I see much different experiences. I suppose that doesn’t matter. I’m receiving treatment and care. Just looking to feel not the only one.",3.7424645583424185,6.62128111450382,4.543255179934569,79.15582061068703,77.54961832061069,7.712322791712108,29.20447110141767,8.634040054169528,2.762644056706653,570,26,97,13,14,183,93,131,0.214,0.7190000000000001,0.067,-0.9713,1,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,0,13,11,2,2,2,18,22,9,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,9,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,3,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,7,3,11,3,7,14,6,18,0,0,2,2,2,3,0,0,14,60,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002952144284773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138709827323937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769270062010315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654037048395714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702813468462025,0.15034005486414612,0.15134610168725215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155530642169022,0.0,0.0,0.12204937326341705,0.0,0.0,0.14169922261464776,0.0,0.0,0.073244713681582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231770781979672,0.07077045284264903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164449630508692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377885202240272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562452044539155,0.0,0.21297504987583424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193038677170558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815973933656423,0.11017127177950524,0.15413945435342075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5079948350230244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489751000450482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543331763460195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982829036811385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211080328911075,0.0,0.15143735697953656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623742398150847,0.0,0.0,0.11500131674509817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323931959858235,0.0,0.0,0.13428510398396468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,waffleking333,2020/01/25,"My girlfriend has PTSD induced nightmares, how can I wake her up? She has frequent nightmares, nightly in most cases. I can't shake her awake, as that not only scares her but she usually wakes up throwing her fist. How can I wake her up safely? I can't stand letting her suffer through these.",2.665416666666669,5.283515660714286,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,79.89285714285714,4.447619047619049,27.190476190476193,5.46131890053228,0.8362476190476196,231,10,43,1,6,70,38,56,0.081,0.789,0.13,0.2069,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,7,3,3,3,0,7,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,13,1,6,6,1,10,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,3,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41448428468330695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803810773920163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082768601296373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738169644817316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40581279381721097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464211596293972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LapTheGreat,2020/01/25,"Feeling like my trauma 'isnt bad enough' to have caused PTSD I see people who have gone through hell and back and it makes me think, well, mine wasn't THAT bad, or at least not as bad as theirs, so i cant have PTSD. 

How do I deal with this?? Any tips would be appreciated 💙",0.1712429378531084,2.018944796610171,1.4450000000000005,102.21687853107348,84.08474576271186,4.611299435028251,14.918079096045195,5.46131890053228,-1.2917141242937853,209,3,55,1,6,66,49,59,0.10800000000000001,0.626,0.266,0.8364,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,0,0,9,0,0,3,0,11,14,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,2,2,7,2,6,10,2,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,2,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104719452135498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707942826684109,0.5563753170835708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22817537084002776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289929008680832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295062636700648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230904230767992,0.15868044788573105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851515942832292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826483974367458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398797881303422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192858346675018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699851227898686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423236216852044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970988172038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778556255110865,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Paiddus,2020/01/25,"It's getting worse TW : SEXUAL ASSAULT
_________________________
Hi, I am Millie, I got sexually assaulted when I was 18, I am now 24 and I just realised what happened to me, memories came back, I seek help and got diagnosed with PTSD, since then I have horrible nightmares, panic attack, I am freaking out every time I lose control. That's what I had to deal with for the past few month.


But now things get even worse, I am currently in an psychiatric hospital, I am hurting myself and I am hearing voices in my head, to be precise I am hearing the voice of my rapist, he's constantly telling me to hurt my self, I think he wants me dead, I hear those words repeating in my mind like ""kill youself"", ""worthless bitch"", ""you deserve to die"" and the only thing that stopped those voice is when I get drunk and take medecin at the same time. Now that I am in the hospital I can't do that and I don't know what to do, the nurses are giving me the lowest dose of medication and it doesn't help at all, I am trying my best but I get hurt everyday, only smoking cigarette help a bit but I can't do that all day.


Thing is I don't know what to do, I don't know if it's a common thing with PTSD and I definitely don't know how to deal with this.",5.030852625635234,4.315079857707513,6.196197063805759,82.82609683794469,68.60474308300395,9.758215697346133,31.11490683229814,9.23628265651192,2.360693054771316,936,33,209,16,14,316,130,253,0.182,0.75,0.067,-0.9715,2,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,1,0,3,9,15,6,1,10,0,27,6,1,2,3,34,46,16,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,19,14,1,2,5,1,0,1,7,13,0,0,5,6,37,2,22,40,6,26,0,5,0,1,15,7,1,1,19,142,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204634718802496,0.0,0.0814217315927336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112346323401764,0.0,0.11560283302040952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110825164048185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442786666105298,0.11876297296806132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828933195633091,0.21833281793537448,0.0,0.10747461334799424,0.10989556047826617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993836521197362,0.0,0.08921564045539704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128951389227214,0.10157791183696857,0.0,0.0,0.16937743639542954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363686372784924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867216478112456,0.0,0.3580321549735506,0.0,0.21292451783695915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400675346413053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714995267779213,0.0,0.2327742335246512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173177958110752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846216256544395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066715383877469,0.0,0.0,0.10691721428850673,0.0,0.08451920209061589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106597369214526,0.0,0.12423735688731626,0.0,0.0,0.10108256868768488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24755601411021966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104648141184724,0.0,0.0,0.08759207347008098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852753955035708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961498496482478,0.0,0.09255122895522062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281390495885861,0.0678490845425809,0.0,0.0,0.12348888875173375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189135068515047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245578936738869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21581888530171614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,smol_emerald,2020/01/25,"I confronted my attacker This is my first post to reddit and I don't know if this belongs here

This pertains to just one (of many) sexual assualts that have happened to me in my life. And perhaps the sheer number of incidences that I, and many others experience in their lifetime, is the reason I did this

The incident at hand happened a few years ago as I was starting my new life in a city where I knew absolutely nobody

I won't post a discription with too many details, especially if they are triggering. Recently though, a friend from that night brought it up and revealed two crucial details that I didn't know until now. 1: My attacker tried to pay someone $100 to leave me alone with him, and 2: He was recently deported back to his home country 

It was a crazy mix of emotions having that night brought up again, learning that he actually tried to PAY SOMEONE to get me alone, and learning he was booted out of the country to top it all off. I felt retraumatized, enraged, and ecstatic all at once

I spent the day wishing it could all go away again where I had buried it, that I could have been better off not knowing about the money, etc. And then I had an idea. What if I called him out for what he did? He hasn't had a care or second thought about that night when I've had countless. To him he's gotten away with it, but I can take that back

So I found his Facebook profile and sent him a message. To sum it up, I told him it was great news he was deported as I would never have to see him again, but that he should not assault any women out there. I told him I knew about the money and he's lucky the cops were never involved. I called him a predator, and outlined exactly who he was and why he got what he deserved. I was a little more colorful in my language in some parts but it was very short and to the point. 

I know that some might say this isn't ""taking the high road"" but until then I had been silenced by my own guilt and shame. He had been walking around thinking nothing of that night and moving on with his life. I gave myself the only thing I could to move on with mine: a voice to call him out for what he did, who he is. He's a predator and karma served him right

To this day I had never thought about contacting anyone who has harmed me. Outlining to him who he was and wishing him good riddance has lifted a great weight off of my shoulders and I finally feel like I can move on",4.364556122448981,4.910391667346938,5.023507653061227,86.3197512755102,70.08163265306123,8.084183673469388,28.781887755102037,8.07648339933343,1.7039234693877554,1887,66,401,24,32,608,224,490,0.061,0.855,0.085,0.9483,0,2,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,2,3,20,16,5,2,24,0,47,6,2,2,7,76,79,35,0,10,11,0,4,1,1,4,3,2,1,1,37,28,1,0,17,0,5,8,10,8,0,4,40,8,60,8,63,32,10,70,1,0,2,0,51,32,0,8,29,293,97,6,0.0,0.0,0.07872570776766329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151219841934052,0.0,0.0,0.16710685152183138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054860752725699284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640879344396396,0.0,0.0,0.07181652704004862,0.0,0.1835555264332119,0.15159083516389324,0.12406589792186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713491630985941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24713001845440474,0.0,0.08225201932268927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932336981004786,0.0,0.0,0.10405547907067933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074683958712054,0.0,0.0,0.089972287930871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891417211260357,0.0,0.0,0.0407909502617782,0.057633171151891524,0.07745922020840237,0.08837388613075248,0.0,0.0686208457849755,0.0,0.08845433894317878,0.062328153153604585,0.0,0.04214857892463872,0.0,0.04584861444790595,0.06766511205878117,0.06452197503982175,0.17788565757645722,0.0,0.0,0.14267863566315034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523599184166541,0.0809221075278428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107057236845126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773442036320306,0.0,0.0,0.08542159799668647,0.0,0.0,0.17094625621941553,0.03941300165985801,0.08085604999400273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24537082861832554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558184462147303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25722951956895984,0.0,0.0,0.186661151171972,0.07791497797504066,0.0,0.3028264939589404,0.0,0.0774084079346728,0.0,0.0,0.08591465448905096,0.05466645773773776,0.061355839098115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736154897859269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762625422560996,0.0,0.15452584335296551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294580369805421,0.15931071578674558,0.0,0.0,0.06889473613605686,0.0,0.06415481258028399,0.0,0.0,0.06428634206497169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670880524197312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710112509556064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131287807907384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359589487942122,0.05169232729571871,0.07926131326985073,0.12809151010628894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417399061649656,0.0,0.10954403451135283,0.0,0.07880629625119384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656409397275834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823860073809697,0.0,0.0,0.07279529416722698,0.0,0.18554110863526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730814635936792,0.0,0.0,0.05195109499406268
ptsd,Brian3m11,2020/01/25,"Someone give me some encouragement I woke up the morning of August 2nd at 4 am to screaming.... then all of a sudden pounding on my apartment door. I look in the peep hole and see bright orange open the door and flames coming out of my neighbors door and already a section in the corner of my door. It was so hot I shut the door grabbed my phone and got out a window (on ground level). Just trying to process how they got out and call 911. The building ended up being condemned.

This was almost six months ago now but what has ensued after this I’m tired of dealing with. I’ve been able to live life. I bought a house pass two parts of the CPA exam and go to work.... but chest pain started happening. I had a panic attack one night went to the emergency room. Went to heart center next day bc emergency room said it was a requirement. APRN told me everything was fine. Told her I already had a therapist. Did what she told me started to feel better. More nervy chest pain came back. I was running on a treadmill one night and my heart just had a nerve stressed feeling. Next day went to a clinic where she prescribed me venlaxafine. Had a stress test yesterday said my heart was great, but now my blood pressure is astronomical. Spoke to the clinic she increased my dosage of venlaxafine from 37.5 mg to 75mg. 

I’m tired of worrying about my health when nothing is wrong. I just want to go back to how I feel before the fire. Chest pains have pretty much been not there since starting the medicine. But I just feel down. Are things ever going to be normal again? There was one night I had convinced myself as I was going to sleep I wasn’t waking up in the morning.

Today my dad sent me a message that’s it’s time to move past this and I can talk to him. I don’t even know what to describe. I just feel not normal and down with an increased heightened state... to all you fighting God bless. I could use some comments that things will get better. They already are, but at the same time I know how I felt before the fire and that was a way better feeling than how I feel now",2.4933104500381376,4.548378086956529,3.0811695906432743,92.3768421052632,77.30917874396134,5.517315026697179,22.48893974065599,6.339386263674448,0.3494260869565213,1624,48,337,12,38,506,215,414,0.133,0.753,0.114,-0.9148,0,0,0,0,2,0,44.0,0,1,2,5,23,20,2,4,28,0,31,18,9,5,3,57,73,23,0,4,12,1,12,0,1,1,9,4,9,0,14,18,0,1,10,0,1,15,4,11,0,5,34,19,44,9,49,35,11,74,1,0,3,0,26,27,0,3,30,220,58,4,0.0773344915839925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855236069299347,0.0,0.07743932237720376,0.0,0.256021603520672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797914854648572,0.0,0.11893090090961699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316119127670621,0.0,0.0,0.20518821985572855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896716242176426,0.08845005622845616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661681683575041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174529876496549,0.0,0.0,0.0997486986976232,0.0797284650769661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849540545021571,0.0,0.0,0.05107870233226626,0.06995347512092051,0.0,0.0,0.06950325447888897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27371849810442656,0.0,0.07425323958839886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04040407998920505,0.07418629112259298,0.1758038949649634,0.0,0.1237029151199453,0.08526154998609034,0.0,0.0,0.068386635506644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220294822992348,0.0,0.2749252346342717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923362016033337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500202820576888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054623638458399966,0.0,0.0,0.06828777290223115,0.0,0.06494149574114688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061727653368256336,0.08219432579867715,0.05684974953488156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449221828050922,0.21771954470833485,0.1515427641700647,0.07420453039761275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721155878905965,0.0,0.2468680545973072,0.09073536322676763,0.0,0.08374571819427408,0.07382452279704084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867698019250377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712562183351144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162557726206371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397189059086397,0.0,0.07739034162893868,0.0,0.0655252637592061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421325354478092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771727976469812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621585349567366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897913052844334,0.1027551997742577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018872790026647,0.17776924342502656,0.07330405553686947,0.22168926241600215,0.0,0.052505043416180563,0.0,0.075544561136435,0.0,0.0,0.0667921707129126,0.0,0.0,0.045613886803825436,0.06138451979508733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506954543843407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630043092249599,0.078536930109098,0.0,0.0,0.08455312637522165,0.0,0.0
ptsd,drool-smokes-kools,2020/01/25,"Any tips on preventing night terrors? Most of my night terrors are from being a CSA survivor and if I go to bed anxious about literally anything It really fucks me up. Smoking weed really helps me calm down before bed and give me a good nights rest. Only problem is I’m almost out of what I’ve bought and I’m kinda broke rn and I should probably find a less expensive way to cope. Any suggestions? 

The symptoms of my night terrors usually involve a lot of panic, hurting myself in my sleep (scratching biting I’ll wake up with bruises ect.) disassociation and anxiety when I wake up and wetting the bed sometimes.",4.185897435897438,6.345640794871797,5.513170940170942,76.37488461538463,72.67521367521368,8.098803418803419,31.35811965811966,8.841846274778883,2.9370519658119663,491,23,84,10,10,164,82,117,0.231,0.687,0.08199999999999999,-0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,10,1,4,6,0,4,5,3,0,0,17,10,8,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,8,0,0,1,2,10,2,16,7,4,15,0,2,0,1,4,7,1,5,6,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520735592014618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22438916365670653,0.0,0.12621208825249028,0.18638463403903485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576753761702912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403889874573589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507921240185649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525247834165004,0.0,0.15826741022069818,0.09376404569422787,0.1383805101938993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058510458006172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661847618407445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026325223880284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.61930415038498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547754757867288,0.0,0.1935728385397272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788034616854426,0.15786713103808436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138558136904265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651028614635386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317310998809853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148124811063464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170625026467474,0.0,0.0,0.13095639138443138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,michaelad567,2020/01/25,"Can We all Agree That Our Mental Illness Is Not An Excuse For Abuse? I'm seeing a lot of posts on here with members of this community excusing other members for their blatant abuse of their partners. It is unacceptable. 

It is not our fault that we have PTSD but it is out responsibility to keep it in check and not harm others. The amount of blame I'm seeing being put on the partners of members of this community after a person with PTSD has an outburst and abuses them is unsettling at best and triggering at worst.

Imagine if someone was excusing your abuser in this way.",6.166324675324674,6.958290100000003,6.9512987012987,73.21409090909094,66.18181818181819,9.194805194805195,32.077922077922075,9.23628265651192,2.874155844155844,461,18,81,8,7,153,70,110,0.213,0.691,0.096,-0.9409,0,0,0,0,4,0,6.0,4,1,3,1,1,4,0,0,6,0,10,1,0,1,2,21,15,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,11,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,2,8,1,19,13,5,11,0,0,2,0,14,7,0,3,1,67,19,0,0.0,0.7674606527329052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993961211132574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393426921085753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767039038316065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319125953834684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139441425567675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508789034541068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785840702707516,0.1627882716016586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580806667039247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720604745828974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853557319753275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Jesta23,2020/01/25,"I have an embarrassing trigger and people think I’m joking when I tell them. I went through cancer treatment and a bone marrow transplant and during that time I had a little girl. She would listen to kids songs on YouTube. (Bada Namu, and CoCo melon specifically) 

Now when my family brings a kid over and puts on YouTube for the it triggers me. It’s the only thing I have found so far that does trigger me, but when I ask them to change it and tell them why I usually end up getting mocked because they think I’m joking.",5.993333333333332,5.9950691262135924,6.3418932038834965,80.17005663430425,66.47572815533981,8.420064724919095,29.788025889967642,7.793537801064563,1.8756550161812304,412,13,79,4,6,133,70,103,0.077,0.883,0.039,-0.5647,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,0,5,4,1,1,6,0,4,2,1,3,0,14,14,11,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,6,6,0,0,3,3,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,2,15,2,8,10,0,16,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,7,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21899348592131465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427975108455652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24780697549468636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204995024165719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747725688436508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083142102252595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568446260702021,0.0,0.0,0.12238671525478692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347814948858955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815878495798868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240046175114867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354874098622947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094921880532447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562625580239398,0.3001977434593949,0.0,0.0,0.13659390541339414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579948794913246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171534427924324,0.211375499873018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664055104397268,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,b33fy5layer,2020/01/25,"Accidentally triggered myself [trigger warning--rape, abuse, self harm] I was talking on the addiction subreddit about my issues with self harm and promiscuity at a young age; and I've dealt with the fact that it's tied to a few events, my moms birthday and a party I went to when I was 14 that I was raped.

 But someone asked a question about why I stopped self harming and I thought about it for a while, and it unlocked a very unpleasant memory for me of my abuser(long term bf at the time) checking my body for marks. 

I've spiraled into a deep depression for the past few days because of it and my partner was very confused but understanding.  I know that dealing with my trauma is the way to healing but what I would give to erase some of the things I remember.

This is somehow one of the worst because of my shame with NSSI behavior and my shame of talking about his control over me. Ugh.",7.374425287356317,6.559938166666669,7.072988505747127,78.7875287356322,63.88505747126438,10.032183908045976,37.72413793103448,9.150863307647796,3.2614413793103445,707,32,138,10,9,223,100,174,0.23399999999999999,0.7559999999999999,0.01,-0.9898,0,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,1,3,14,0,7,4,1,3,1,29,13,12,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,10,12,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,11,0,1,6,0,21,0,27,6,5,18,0,1,0,1,13,6,0,4,10,97,31,0,0.0,0.18766131616966114,0.0,0.17266393982442318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480693761068597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310107103471089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593095822133176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764318285071973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214576126125094,0.16328884217658096,0.13641748842776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519381261270851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531366281073218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704471329644997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016648071346952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854995768194224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732634150450354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119720215521956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742838457719268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942027666980193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956929087223798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341998048278869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241765091126215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546090707924684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522451161303792,0.0,0.0,0.1257406618830983,0.09235605465373406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488524101141755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613698043481011,0.0,0.1257193043316349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682525673519395,0.14291858161351415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125127535547198,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ElSkelelito,2020/01/25,"Observation: subreddit content (non constructive) Just wondering if it's just me or other people notice. But when I first came here, it seemed like most posts were oriented around PTSD itself, and dealing with it. Seems like the past year.. or maybe the winter season for us northern hemisphere'rs, that most of the posts don't fall anywhere near DSM5's outlines for PTSD, and it's more like anxiety based things. Am I noticing something?",7.862597402597403,9.233624610389613,6.353662337662339,76.93906493506495,62.63636363636364,9.276883116883116,33.581818181818186,9.3871,3.145204675324676,353,14,57,6,5,104,60,77,0.026000000000000002,0.8759999999999999,0.098,0.6728,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,16,7,7,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,6,5,3,12,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,8,9,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800490861298434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059355159364816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063286474149665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598367328690774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344748336025602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644018379777668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18123526259467804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107714125794968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221146694837622,0.12506610394080708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455451693343213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217540659610067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284573469621561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888013214604505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119849225022066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699804825487007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563525748073526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617118229099305
ptsd,kuro-shi1996,2020/01/25,"Today marks a year since my event (possible triggers) Exactly a year ago today I was abducted and robbed at knife point.

I didn't even know that it was today until my mom brought it up in the car while we were out shopping, a week ago I had something trigger me and I'd been having nightmares, flashbacks and possible scenarios plaguing me ever since, I've been dealing with anxiety since I was about 11 years old, so my brain coming up with every possible way something can go wrong is pretty normal to me. But lately I've been picturing myself dying and although I felt like I wanted to die a year ago, because everything was just too much, I've decided that I don't wanna die and I don't want to live in fear. I'm happier now, I have a boyfriend who is so supportive and understanding and I want to be there for him to repay him for everything he does for me with all the love in my heart. I have a mother who needs me and I don't want to let her down. Deep down though, I still get the urge, when things are a little too much but right now, thinking about what everyone else around me might need keeps me from taking that leap.

I'm glad that I have people that need me, even if they don't know how much I need them",4.487740000000001,4.907757324000002,5.277350000000002,85.056425,69.76,8.65,27.225,8.660442795831766,1.7477799999999997,961,29,203,15,16,313,141,250,0.068,0.8690000000000001,0.063,0.4019,0,0,2,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,2,0,18,6,0,1,10,0,25,3,2,3,3,43,48,19,3,11,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,15,0,1,6,1,1,4,5,2,0,0,12,1,34,4,27,33,4,40,0,0,0,1,13,14,0,2,22,139,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521136960127713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252469075110304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439553189092018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057791550999295664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058324573983042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166512788806808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773861325261654,0.0,0.0,0.2951743064190401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296349371584949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919645716042771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523410623494394,0.08575551584894951,0.07987633797806397,0.09058914763846086,0.17040718651117964,0.0,0.0,0.10668069563023824,0.0,0.0,0.0910265694928208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049531102148780606,0.0,0.053879216418178534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234302644341697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426602365239468,0.0,0.0,0.1042034404208273,0.0,0.10694287952412287,0.0,0.0,0.09694336645333056,0.0,0.046316375569742184,0.09501837010354648,0.08371354219764011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556418190236786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057191004248278,0.0,0.11103313095741853,0.0,0.0,0.2090752284494881,0.2811834334282282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928876506286182,0.0,0.0,0.0994806996964694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657250571948058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962028772942658,0.3206313110680027,0.0,0.09644960468630057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096197547181168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23526818937740476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459692808987025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571048228300127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758229290662433,0.0,0.0,0.07128070162034153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298346971019912,0.06074648324847146,0.09314430768911452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26958891258159834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869415807879818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367108344373374,0.0752508885522612,0.07604593522288111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365313454999572,0.0,0.24420230133905801
ptsd,Sk8rSquid,2020/01/25,"I had an episode where I lashed out at my boyfriend and he kicked me out and won't speak to me I (29f) had an episode of anger/sadness/irrationality etc after a particularly rough few previous weeks of heightened emotions. 

Lashed out but not violently or anything, just out of control crying and freaking out and wanting to be outside my house. My bf was scared and I don't blame him for not wanting me back in our house. 

He threatened to chuck all my stuff outside and leave it there. I am so broken. I thought he would stick by me through this. I've never lived with a partner before and thought I could get it together enough to build the life I envisioned for myself, but it happened again. 

I'm so lost",5.301646682653875,6.014382266187052,5.289448441247,84.64809752198244,68.06474820143886,7.904396482813749,33.43005595523581,7.793537801064563,2.19342621902478,561,25,114,6,9,175,91,139,0.18,0.775,0.045,-0.9675,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,2,7,4,1,1,5,0,9,1,0,1,2,28,17,12,0,4,6,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,5,13,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,2,19,0,20,7,4,13,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,1,5,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952134660370315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490580430638328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649513626055431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741832300508265,0.1547727854057351,0.0,0.21293420640220267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180542203725172,0.0,0.20029800763277605,0.21619306180974884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127818840895493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142017730256184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473518217677984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525827719057732,0.0,0.0,0.1369213987510798,0.0,0.0,0.17117236506481254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116092638066834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950842724598012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940768324326153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191091707044372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077891692938847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286745211383029,0.0,0.15549410816871442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770488572650685,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,alfonzloren,2020/01/25,"Can’t trust my thoughts My partner does not open up. In the sense of there will never be acknowledgement if she does something wrong and either doesn’t possess the ability to self reflect to the point where she will be vulnerable so it just leaves me feeling confused. When I’m trying to talk to her about a serious matter and she refuses to open up and I’m left being open and vulnerable because your taught in therapy not to hold stuff in but talk about how you feel it is very scary, and confusing. For someone to just tell you you’re imagining things when your ptsd actually causes really bad paranoia and disassociation it’s makes me not trust my mind and it makes me confused and angry that she doesn’t try to understand me by connecting to me openly it leaves me
Vulnerable and confused. I considered just ending it with myself because that’d be the way out of it. 

I don’t think she realizes her inability to be open and vulnerable is killing me. It confuses me so much I think I either went into a manic episode or still in it iono
I thought I was getting better",4.18806360821841,6.099710373205742,5.352074303405576,78.58804953560373,72.0622009569378,8.745398254995779,29.518998029833945,9.325443323948027,2.7316769490571358,864,36,162,20,17,286,115,209,0.218,0.721,0.061,-0.9887,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,1,13,12,1,5,6,0,15,0,0,4,1,54,29,18,1,1,11,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,13,18,0,2,11,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,5,2,29,3,25,16,3,23,0,0,0,0,17,16,0,7,5,118,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.14793467816492611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657534400098353,0.18482159251417946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407330057263492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572964060314531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26532330010126043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342680163007644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330179353424128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920203749360955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771720957149425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210340552356165,0.16470821733935473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238144127792904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306755509279132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111439636674489,0.0,0.1169192720206645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330610628475315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177206234190303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971155245893664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581464606369926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844580048405665,0.11670509999885875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106382043398872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353980210511472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436923507480737,0.13250055597952146,0.0,0.17336189023560433,0.0,0.10071286349495497,0.19427168123166053,0.0,0.24069871025048614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058458659800188,0.0,0.0,0.15781555566999714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508160419796988,0.0,0.12032891330867253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052991848100047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574513977700822,0.0,0.0
ptsd,myursb,2020/01/25,"TW: my abuser It's been two years since I was sexually abused. I was not raped, but heavily manipulated and coerced to do things I wasn't comfortable with. The school dealt with it very poorly. But, I reported it several months after it happened. Keep in mind, all of the physical abuse happened in the school. 

I blame myself for what happened. I let him treat me like that because I wanted someone to care for me and think I was special. While some may argue it's not my fault, I was simply searching for love in any way I could find it, and he abused that. But it just doesn't sit well with me. Isn't it still may fault for being naive?

My family and friends are very supportive, but I'm not sure how to be okay. I'm very suicidal from the events that happened and I'm not sure how far I'm going to make it. I don't want to suffer.

At times the flashbacks are so bad I'm left shaking and sobbing, covering myself with as much as I can. I do things that I later regret because I convince myself he was watching me. 

I'm just so tired of fighting my mind, I feel like I shouldn't have to convince myself he doesn't still own me. 

Anyway, thank you for listening. <3",2.014119437048308,3.961805430962343,3.409161278052494,89.96991536705973,78.37238493723851,6.353822746291366,22.99752757702549,7.348242739294969,0.8324041841004179,914,29,194,12,22,299,124,239,0.245,0.575,0.18,-0.9659,0,0,0,0,6,0,29.0,0,1,0,0,10,26,3,1,5,1,24,3,0,4,3,41,46,17,1,5,10,0,1,2,1,3,1,1,0,0,16,10,0,1,3,0,1,2,10,10,1,1,7,3,32,16,25,32,4,19,0,3,1,2,10,6,1,3,11,132,48,3,0.0,0.5184415835542008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438960169768706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913368795393718,0.13336742368728066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153137082967947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733977766180621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312405838371848,0.0,0.05531135451268393,0.07814892128804984,0.0,0.0,0.09998135259375313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451518175172802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216940157973507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38693624678536986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723170848129943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885359447375797,0.11185966463860972,0.0,0.10688579173700154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872960928464893,0.0,0.07301931299852132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090736472006434,0.0,0.08731481794736386,0.0,0.08041493982248288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141897646833825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358064411653302,0.0,0.09048932975576922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268660258240582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471951857337156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965595170429832,0.1241355612648444,0.20619936410750933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071249574471408,0.0,0.0,0.14534898172636873,0.07009330800803329,0.0,0.0,0.0637867465213391,0.125728812609285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685906951929294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27077698675184125,0.12904324090816105,0.08682944965879243,0.0,0.0,0.09835560735403716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044418955915385
ptsd,cavanacana,2020/01/25,"Having a hard time lately. Time has felt so distorted lately and I can’t tell if it’s been a couple days or a month.  Flashbacks have been throwing me off also, it could feel like hours as I’m reliving my trauma, but it’s only been a couple minutes. Is anyone else dealing with this? Any tips on how to cope?",1.6394270833333309,3.566702421875,3.504375,88.93645833333336,79.46875,5.5166666666666675,20.041666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.2254979166666664,241,6,49,2,6,81,52,64,0.098,0.872,0.03,-0.4507,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,9,12,8,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,3,1,5,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,8,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866492267271307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434262636020651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747341361538513,0.21610256752821705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683947445339993,0.4667365591919308,0.0,0.13601972110236105,0.21743929946520027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618852561966486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066426050345439,0.1506743890151165,0.20250700152745885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893423759878988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770420021592545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758321001836819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304013861565857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683466211605527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604068175296799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434493338168909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459670306628929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,seekinghelfulwords,2020/01/25,"not sure if my “traumatic event” qualifies one night i has the worse anxiety attack of my life and was in such a distressed state that i literally did not feel like myself. the feeling was completely foreign and scary. i started feeling like i was losing control and didn’t recognize myself anymore and started to panic that i would hurt someone. i contemplated suicide. looking back the feeling of not recognizing myself and feeling like i lost touch with myself and the world around my might have been derealization. but, nevertheless, it still was scary as hell. i was convinced i needed to go to the hospital and be locked up because i was unpredictable in this state. ever since that attack i have not felt the same. i am constantly afraid of falling back into that state. i recall that night all the time. i feel changed after experiencing that feeling and that state. i feel a sense of wrongness with my identity and the world around me which i think stems from me feeling like a different person after the attack. i also associate physical things to the attack which trigger me to recall the event. i had the breakdown in my closet, bathroom, and mother’s room and now i avoid my moms room all together. every time i walk into my bathroom or closet i am taken straight back to that night and that feeling. also, there are many physical things that i won’t know are triggers until i interact with them. for example, if i’m doing my laundry and i come upon the shirt i was wearing when i has the breakdown, it will trigger me. 

so, while i relate to some major symptoms, i’m not sure that event would be considered traumatic enough. it may just be some high functioning anxiety. just thought i’d see people’s opinions on my situation.",5.90452550814376,7.450357000000004,6.290052496971331,74.9790119800781,67.23529411764707,8.96104455512182,32.92892717727823,9.318704503766252,3.181150060573429,1393,61,233,27,23,449,160,323,0.205,0.747,0.048,-0.9942,1,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,1,3,16,20,5,4,17,0,29,4,2,4,5,65,54,24,1,5,11,2,12,4,0,6,2,0,4,1,19,21,0,2,14,0,0,4,7,13,0,1,15,15,45,7,30,30,7,46,1,3,2,0,5,16,1,8,26,184,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316649675969795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695389225623802,0.0,0.08877251403376593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937050488314133,0.0,0.40733432995776303,0.0,0.20648914956122447,0.0,0.05456609167794381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469253394690368,0.07710723761827462,0.09385232950592848,0.09673139431264847,0.10039606874735243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093521686416937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249051444384387,0.0,0.0,0.08096933303901416,0.07541828356644355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526029457159264,0.2557914720485272,0.08594619888527509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508721121301267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945750484874208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582516260005472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049193821456957575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322544471873108,0.17492547279511012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516809690479673,0.10014177920654402,0.09771365128327192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907517959357052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495879533793644,0.0,0.10483615508407933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637250922263145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520047259141759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065610054477981,0.0,0.0,0.1050238294927383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062056813399480874,0.07815900916437718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133000727166554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740458040924112,0.1006159894348404,0.0,0.0,0.07584379324425748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671505447207365,0.0,0.07148493241314699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979123304626158,0.0,0.16872926078570016,0.09303793599677523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893647853277403,0.05735610338765903,0.0,0.07106305984936921,0.1043911132806294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122105612645376,0.12717446242027636,0.0978680506884171,0.0,0.0
ptsd,GDannyboy,2020/01/25,"Dog Surgery My dog, a 10-year-old, female Tervuren, that I've have had since she was ten weeks old, had surgery to remove a small growth on her right paw today; it could be cancerous. 

Statistically, only 35% of all dogs make it to age 11.

The procedure went well, but I won't have results back for some time.

Having her around has really helped my symptoms and allows me to sleep well at night, and our walks and our trips to the dog park are about the only things that get me out of the house on weekends.

I've already decided that I'll get another dog when she goes, but I'm hoping I'll have her for three more years when I can retire and have more time to work the new dog.

She's been a wonderful companion and she deserves a pain free life and honorable death, so I will see that she is well cared for and do the necessary thing when the time comes.

Thank you for taking your time to read this.

I don't have any close friends, so I thought I would just post this here, then leave my worries and fears here at the end of this sentence.",8.432400419287212,5.519541254716983,7.623081761006293,82.36384696016773,63.339622641509436,11.309014675052412,33.9329140461216,9.150863307647796,2.4840549266247383,814,22,184,10,9,252,129,212,0.079,0.753,0.168,0.9626,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,2,0,2,14,11,0,1,12,0,21,5,1,3,1,26,34,16,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,11,12,0,0,3,2,1,6,2,2,3,2,6,1,23,10,20,23,4,34,0,0,1,0,15,9,0,3,18,116,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486589983298552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160936890557553,0.1412581866410216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199230122128295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358587921817723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373487458153487,0.0,0.0,0.11604320643113004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755726243121053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931561506219775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158942752412005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407882669785212,0.0,0.1407638256390248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029519497149513,0.0,0.0,0.13380027282905854,0.0,0.1554405613584579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426414749084629,0.0,0.0,0.09515168173339994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992188463244871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010652617680266,0.0,0.12641889976507334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827169850664579,0.0,0.0,0.2049104111477977,0.1433439882080595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901768829117494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474932198630804,0.0,0.08630051197384284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504405216415793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734871348313137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143587547763788,0.0,0.13481015479267228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001824921090514,0.10128731058895006,0.0,0.0,0.12402550847863432,0.0,0.0,0.17899448556174585,0.0,0.0,0.10694696864323518,0.31420862378627185,0.0,0.12769204613719884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805853596913896,0.0,0.3633691367771396,0.12488017712752655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609035754739613,0.09807257143206284,0.13680745532449953,0.0,0.09569615545341814,0.0,0.0,0.17350133893187564
ptsd,thisdudehasissues,2020/01/25,"Anniversary coming up. Struggling. I lashed out at a friend, I'm isolating, I'm ashamed. \[TW - sexual assault\]

I have two anniversaries. One is February 8th, one is February 14 through 16th. 

If I had been more in tune with myself, I might have realized that my proclivity to spend February drinking,  overdoing it with drugs and staying out all night with whoever - everyone, anyone - was a textbook case of my body/brain reacting to February 8th. And if I had realized that two years ago, I might have been able to avoid the other anniversary altogether. But I didn't, and it happened, and here we are. Two years later. 

After it happened, I went through EMDR therapy. Well, first I ignored it for 6 months. But then I almost got arrested after swearing at a cop during a routine traffic stop, and I realized I was angry, so I did 6 sessions of EMDR. It helped a lot. I was able to go back to school in the fall. 

My EMDR therapist, after we did some work on the event which had happened most recently - the Valentine's week event - strongly encouraged that I continue on to clear up the February 8th event. But that one feels way too overwhelming, still. Maybe always, I don't know. My instincts are telling me that if I go into that event, it's going to change too many things. It'll mean being angry with family, being suspicious, being too honest. Too curious about uncomfortable things. I'd rather just be confused about them. 

Now here we are. Two years later. 

I just tried to push away one of my closest friends in the world this week. I did it in a way that I'm ashamed of and embarrassed by and I don't know how to undo. I sent him an email that was so unfair. It was out of the blue to him and it wasn't okay. I wish I hadn't done it. I wish I had just talked to him. I feel awful. I took things he's done and omitted any redeeming facts to make them sound as heinous and thoughtless as possible. I yelled at him. I swore at him. I blocked him. I was angry. 

I don't really for sure why I did it. We had had a miscommunication that morning via text - but I blew it so out of proportion it's inexcusable. And I don't know why I did it, and that makes me feel crazy. It makes me feel like a child. Like a person who is too much, too broken, too much of a liability to be friends with. 

I went for a walk and I started to come down from that rage feeling - the kind of rage I've only ever felt once before, when I swore at the cop. And it dawned on me that I wasn't reacting correctly. That what I had done wasn't justified. But it felt so confusing. I kept thinking it must have been about *something,* otherwise I wouldn't be so angry with him. So I apologized, but it was a confused apology. An ""I know that wasn't okay and I""m sorry and I don't know why I did it but maybe some of the stuff is valid I don't know..."" email. 

I got some (shitty) sleep that night; three total hours. I woke up at 5 and started to clean my apartment. Running from a shitty dream I didn't want to deal with. And when I checked my email I received a very kind and prompt response. He was understandably upset and yet incredibly supportive. It was more than I deserved. And it all clicked together in my head. That I wasn't angry with *this person*, I was just *angry*. But the person and things I'm actually angry with are scary to think about. So it was easier to just assume it must have been something my friend had done. 

I'm so confused by my own brain. It's like my brain/body react and my rational thought is struggling to catch up. And I can see the connections later, but not until I've lashed out in a moment of what I thought was justified rage. It's so embarrassing. I feel broken and damaged and unlovable. 

I'm ready for February to be over. 

Sorry this is so long, I guess I'm just venting.",1.3140726817042605,3.674762342105261,3.0456766917293265,89.34140350877195,83.47368421052632,6.5664160401002505,22.60025062656641,7.793537801064563,1.1709066416040097,2940,103,616,56,84,973,292,760,0.174,0.753,0.073,-0.997,0,1,4,0,0,0,120.0,4,0,2,3,40,37,4,13,29,3,77,5,3,7,10,131,131,55,0,11,20,0,8,3,4,6,1,2,1,4,56,47,1,5,24,2,2,15,16,20,1,10,54,13,90,17,88,64,13,86,0,2,3,0,36,31,0,17,40,437,146,4,0.1315279052558671,0.0,0.0641761312006474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829577603481921,0.0,0.06585309897360013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472087682684467,0.0,0.0,0.044721742929022035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598368476551202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178739831088395,0.050568420204345536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596027994238708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304892594776173,0.0,0.22024296173319352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956954189142261,0.11329964410128325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779974747392996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691974251801615,0.0,0.0644236369771254,0.07626530637527733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948726020930858,0.0,0.06284027498826601,0.0,0.0,0.06199640169571592,0.0,0.1995133826062008,0.046981780897654785,0.12628741537554342,0.0,0.0,0.05593878450978952,0.0,0.0,0.2032362666632142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212550942801304,0.0,0.10519488113592612,0.0,0.07244640811324635,0.0,0.17446453836027842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749278829705233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04408019120187781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476424619905527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696607326461224,0.21685289093021776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638683616535204,0.0,0.0,0.05819902860481959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055910160783068034,0.0,0.0,0.13169384713382065,0.06667432590420529,0.13213745938155472,0.07163622377516522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395303222939597,0.0,0.0,0.05249215956291076,0.0,0.09668814415780567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343002913797654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003646324552157,0.1782534251406368,0.05001644941074517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226764040242545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413897537253937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042130072035703,0.0,0.06493396939772407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655663102933433,0.052405355756813383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581144656802262,0.0,0.0,0.10125660733802397,0.0,0.14723472158573667,0.09309612831051588,0.07009562332905138,0.0525191775194285,0.054981609111820866,0.0,0.13750152434335386,0.07528399187116852,0.0,0.07462815410408155,0.06198174706741685,0.0,0.0,0.05285857402808234,0.057480593260360785,0.0,0.07520681121534471,0.07635701775723684,0.17476259174442904,0.08427777082391588,0.0,0.10441846496357317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306617113926332,0.044649406975140936,0.0,0.2569673033657284,0.06846259397603542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054262148276329886,0.03878928314521458,0.10440072907205017,0.10550375195531328,0.0,0.05912969134571725,0.12192768589388404,0.1780252149546732,0.0,0.15125059994418952,0.0,0.0,0.0478769407580312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704948800952093
ptsd,random_stranger7,2020/01/25,"I’m feeling so broken I can’t sleep. 
I hate that people make me feel that I’m too much to handle.
I never wanted to weighed on anyone.
I’m just in a lot of pain.
I’m really sorry I guess.",-2.3487878787878778,-0.5922843636363629,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,97.1818181818182,3.8424242424242414,11.87878787878788,5.46131890053228,-1.2206848484848485,144,2,35,1,6,54,32,44,0.292,0.6729999999999999,0.035,-0.9018,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,1,8,11,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,5,11,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446996688451586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101797864378052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378932947235956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028284458409532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26076749596730675,0.0,0.0,0.204742001992762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254789191143997,0.0,0.2365660178511417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32637811406317463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126452038089814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649654438124234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30694753667613645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34335467050725643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091495525099094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WilliamsPet,2020/01/25,"Having PTSD trying to tell my story. I have PTSD because a ""doctor"" forced me to have a sex change. I""m trying to compile, organize, write and make a YouTube video. I have to tell my story I'm feeling overwhelmed.",1.7397560975609778,4.397217121951222,2.8616585365853666,89.15102439024393,85.09756097560975,4.255609756097561,22.83414634146341,5.6839178017228535,0.4733570731707317,166,6,30,1,5,53,27,41,0.08,0.8490000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652686318980207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868027570808674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27749675756391645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708342916141214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097075924170972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6338357221153105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739313261957226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681373392534862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Spilledlaughter91,2020/01/25,"trauma + disconnect tw: trauma 

disconnect question - does anyone know what it’s like to lack a connection to anything that ISNT real? yes, i’ve has a traumatic life. but a lot of people i know who have had a traumatic life dive into fantasy to escape the bad. and i’m the opposite.. like.. it’s hard for me to invest any emotion in something that isn’t real. ive been this way since i was young. i remember telling my youth activities center “i can’t watch this movie because all of its fake” - i was 7. also now i can’t get into movies or anything that isn’t “real” because i feel way to self aware to be that “naive?” even when i listen to people talk it’s like i only resonate with parts that i can relate to or have been through cause that’s something i’ve dealt with personally, which again would be reality.",3.172021575984989,4.692064579268294,4.871463414634147,82.6059943714822,73.9390243902439,7.729080675422139,26.03001876172608,8.384062270229773,1.7597191369606002,637,22,126,11,13,216,101,164,0.17600000000000002,0.78,0.044000000000000004,-0.9635,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,6,1,18,2,0,1,1,21,24,6,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,15,5,0,0,5,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,5,4,13,3,17,16,4,11,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,4,8,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971375586383692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180004492479902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467260147634153,0.0,0.2463780550452587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499191053859482,0.1825095095688892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378149243919587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131002078057966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839055039842504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887438092168674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569200863751605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821123507907475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341003620421478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454065064656195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21147281311618668,0.21940522907090207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272682258493883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385237836266365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210877847752686,0.0,0.2075640426254937,0.1307108681630827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769646734358507,0.0,0.0,0.5111686547817451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957910448789648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561680785144126,0.0,0.0,0.1238320628706723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049028282066955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203219029110694,0.1308429992430258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23764724301072504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634144783084086,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hen-economy,2020/01/26,What do you find frustrating about therapy?  I was reading some statistics on PTSD and found that 43% of patients dropout of therapy for their condition. I was wondering why you  think this is the case and what your experience has been like with treatment?,7.631333333333334,9.143361911111112,6.780000000000005,73.17000000000003,63.22222222222222,12.222222222222225,39.444444444444436,11.855464076750405,5.270111111111113,206,11,35,7,3,63,38,45,0.07,0.877,0.053,-0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,6,1,6,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,26,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689117676026043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512599906228907,0.0,0.0,0.30142130368407033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430565966976749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213515371935279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749813641708686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6287601581574114,0.0,0.0,0.17614928640129462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480607817785635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981248826964402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Gay___owo,2020/01/26,"I don't know how to talk to a therapist about this shit. So recently I realized I blocked out a lot of my early childhood, I'm 14F and my first traumatic memory is from when I was 6, I was molested and about 2 years ago I realized what my grandpa had done to me for years was assault, I always was uncomfortable with what he was doing but thinking of an adult doing such a horrible thing to a child was terrifying. It had happened before but only by kids around my age, an adult doing that was even worse to me. It continued until recently, and after my grandpa stopped it still happened by other people. I have nightmares about it, and I'll have panic attacks when I think about it, it plays through my head on repeat. I'll hear certain phrases and I'll spiral, and I still have to be around him but when that happens I close myself off emotionally and try not to stay around him for too long. I suspect I have some kind of it, probably mildly but I don't know how to talk to my therapist about it. I trust her but it's hard to talk about and I don't want her to call cps or something. 

​

Any advice on how to talk about it without completely breaking down?",3.892151046859421,5.014276555084749,5.0741176470588245,83.40966600199403,71.58474576271186,8.264805583250249,28.71286141575274,8.671277953709913,2.1043073778664017,921,35,186,16,17,305,124,236,0.17800000000000002,0.782,0.04,-0.9842,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,22,9,4,1,6,0,22,2,2,3,1,38,32,22,0,1,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,17,14,0,2,7,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,10,2,30,4,40,21,2,31,0,0,0,0,17,9,1,3,20,145,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554221030298893,0.10481212757422396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838468432983828,0.12811238160790825,0.1436738590483247,0.08040687240218919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157745039491137,0.0,0.13451443025605886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061305294070524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073568609826675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397180108048265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099999686848326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300345308906852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809603361657076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057440550898852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31367623343539736,0.0,0.10591931180163616,0.0,0.12134777540495395,0.0,0.1332644399388044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312817943942107,0.12996260572659485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463818179864083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052294185414347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992642062638595,0.0,0.13872850431231792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197233853383577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748211245274987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334943609070395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137108389887252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102649598237723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602750858606127,0.18885233574973975,0.09885346452927027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801455255429715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745702015040895,0.07855302865416226,0.15152611506520575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027681692060748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974068397512387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139785987898295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049608873848902,0.0,0.0,0.1436738590483247,0.1522846428020228
ptsd,Rsum0,2020/01/26,"Taking it out on someone who doesn't deserve it So I was in a violent and mentally abusive relationship for 2 and a half years, it ended almost 3 years ago and caused me to have anxiety, panic attacks and night terrors/flashbacks. I had two counselling sessions but I didn't feel they were working for me and I didn't go back.

Since then I have been in a relationship with a new partner, who has been amazing in every way, I couldn't have asked for a better support or a more understanding person. 

Over the last year my mental heath has massively improved and I rarley get triggered anymore. The only thing is that I have developed a very short temper, I find myself snapping at my boyfriend over the smallest of things and my mood will just flip with no warning. I will shout and rant and by the time I realise what I'm doing it's too late.  I hate arguments and I get upset more than I get angry, and these outburst always end with me breaking down and apologising, but I know that's not good enough. 

My boyfriend never gets angry back and he's always so calm and understanding with me, but it's leaving me with a massive amount of guilt and I'm feeling really worried about it, what should I do?",5.004533898305088,5.9867435635593225,5.6125000000000025,81.09510593220341,68.87288135593221,7.933898305084746,30.85169491525424,8.07648339933343,2.16942033898305,955,38,180,12,16,309,143,236,0.215,0.691,0.094,-0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,7,13,4,3,12,0,21,0,0,2,1,39,37,22,0,2,6,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,15,21,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,7,0,2,7,3,27,5,23,26,4,28,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,2,15,132,42,2,0.0,0.15063596545537994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269883812026445,0.0,0.12730884200787926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115755088541596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725907610667957,0.0,0.12608524747054872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188554672827053,0.14463612514240504,0.0,0.19552024486999253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244190445542387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060420900199993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252104094674805,0.1313659923824476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071179863585041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856807095670586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620045963323244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26569429989400983,0.0,0.07225460399642153,0.1066360659979338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125520974657049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987089663883159,0.10363321788170196,0.14341551202748062,0.13461919864568545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562473825533688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805550812425193,0.1227892259508312,0.0,0.11930899474339145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669303882540634,0.0,0.14916729210642668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101068973663407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144689875147824,0.0,0.0,0.2729940474619939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516862831660168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772234564259373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442729959296976,0.0,0.0,0.09559082723458387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689276854700366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413431677009742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419388888020708,0.2647071647589067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490092903127872,0.0,0.10091503763755544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255688770589643,0.12911328921940965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24561521702524985
ptsd,robotbotany,2020/01/26,"Emotional hangover Does anyone else get these after opening up to a new person? 

I spent the evening with a new friend and our conversations got pretty deep, and I ended up opening up about my ptsd and my traumas. It was well received and everything went fine. The next morning I woke up feeling terribly insecure and overwhelmed with anxiety. 

I am generally pretty open about my PTSD but usually don't go into details unless someone asks and I trust them. Even so, I always feel so stupid and vulnerable the next day. It's completely exhausting and triggers symptoms. However, I feel like the more often I open up about it the easier it gets. 

I've struggled with PTSD for about seven years and some times in my life are much easier than others. But whenever I wake up feeling shameful for being honest and having to remember everything I've been through, I am reminded that this disorder will exist in me indefinitely.",6.344464285714286,8.020161660714287,7.00809523809524,69.75357142857145,66.32142857142857,10.361904761904762,34.83333333333333,10.504223727775694,4.194133333333333,741,35,117,20,12,244,109,168,0.16399999999999998,0.66,0.17600000000000002,-0.3657,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,0,10,14,1,4,7,0,9,4,1,1,0,31,21,15,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,8,18,0,0,5,0,1,3,1,8,1,1,6,4,17,6,24,13,3,27,0,1,0,0,7,14,0,3,11,87,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040134145191297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150071271200464,0.0,0.0,0.0927737415297399,0.13594751251953388,0.0,0.0,0.12403895987743616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139113656101289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556836204665756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206408705231614,0.0,0.11611016405621236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083807132161946,0.14924842965945692,0.11751611256330735,0.0,0.0,0.17526928976948974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384905154782638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683502940085403,0.09478743645343804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250912344797376,0.0,0.13864084403381954,0.0,0.07540575230548344,0.0,0.1061172322588169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371661651613043,0.06482130543237387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753590801638116,0.0,0.0,0.2562885531360459,0.28221580574904925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585205800804164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699688482656981,0.0,0.0,0.4652914745693363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503018725694018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242030353793636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870714085252042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790651229186116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736744260585902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612953609636886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929628366266025,0.12299675063145801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854423072167637
ptsd,CuttlefishCuller69,2020/01/26,"Advice on requesting CPS/DCFS records? Have any of you ever requested CPS/DCFS records?

I won’t go into detail, but when I was in grade school there was an investigation after I had told someone about physical abuse and suicidal thoughts/self harm I was experiencing. I don’t know if it’s a good idea, but I want to see these records to prove that I’m not making this up, I guess. I don’t know if I want closure or am just trying to rehash the same things over and over. How would I even get ahold of these records?? I checked the website of the county office but the advice for requesting records was if you were the parent/adult being investigated. Any advice?",3.5364755244755286,5.486438661538465,4.3590909090909085,84.85954545454545,73.92307692307692,7.18881118881119,25.66433566433567,8.00094639256281,1.4464615384615382,526,18,105,8,11,169,85,130,0.139,0.8079999999999999,0.053,-0.9433,1,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,7,0,13,0,0,2,2,24,24,11,1,6,9,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,7,2,13,1,15,14,1,10,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,5,3,71,19,2,0.0,0.223316763707002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5525384156291219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563443308801424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244885846429706,0.17049002247575848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847248465590262,0.0,0.10711694434083494,0.15808722094431502,0.0,0.0,0.2076308390074854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276981974151946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716622975822066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258111786107037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092835954820298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190750783952332,0.15019333970656035,0.0,0.1966246754664371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969762290903108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616540602084366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521705525516513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009973660639103,0.0,0.1279648511620291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223395642017268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389005529987633,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Justin2342,2020/01/26,"What Defines PTSD? I'm wondering what makes PTSD, well, PTSD. I know that not all of you are professionals here, so if you don't know the criteria or anything much to do with this, that's okay. I'm good with hearing stories, if you're okay with providing that.   


Basically, I question this because I was told I have a bunch of systems for PTSD by my therapist, but wasn't diagnosed. She said she didn't like to diagnose younger people (I was 17, I'm 18 now) with it. She said I get flashbacks, I have trauma, and experience the systems for PTSD.   


So what defines PTSD? Thanks in advance!",1.7102073578595312,4.220563539130435,3.148695652173913,88.24397993311037,83.17391304347825,6.668896321070235,27.10702341137124,7.882392219407189,1.84242474916388,457,21,93,9,13,149,70,115,0.057999999999999996,0.843,0.099,0.3689,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,1,5,7,0,0,3,2,9,2,0,1,1,16,22,7,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,9,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,7,3,13,6,12,15,3,5,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,5,2,60,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804546388878137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262915330064043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24185755967466485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654581710802553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062247888296981524,0.0,0.0,0.09993244006088046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342840890350292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309569914271838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820780171872944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952962921608622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758464144472927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259953526343476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8356386441924615,0.0,0.1334686884364873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22666669494672875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969190362234674,0.0,0.13833551321744988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384731811901552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712487782989606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920672220427734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hooloovooblues,2020/01/26,"Meeting with a new therapist tomorrow. I really jived with my last therapist, but he left the agency.  

I'm sure it will be fine, it's just a little jarring starting over.",1.820454545454545,4.488617636363639,4.0759848484848495,80.53397727272728,84.75757575757575,8.148484848484847,26.431818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.829854545454545,134,6,24,4,4,46,28,33,0.0,0.835,0.165,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460594131775229,0.0,0.0,0.3279760711587847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30254698616293324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29154208949173666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338177971849285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136608615614526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28450320587633765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7009746375642355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gavinreddit_,2020/01/26,"Emeto So i somewhat have this phobia and like a lot of phobias are taught that to overcome we need exposure therapy but honestly all it has done is make it more and more difficult. and is now causing suicidal thoughts and extreme anxiety. I think we really need to figure out a new way to help phobias cause exposure therapy might just make it worse. As far post traumatic stress, oh ya trust me nothing makes me feel more traumatic stress than the memories of ""exposure therapy"".",5.515487012987013,7.6368269772727295,6.208311688311692,72.94318181818186,69.0,11.392207792207792,36.435064935064936,11.20814326018867,5.022283766233767,386,21,64,14,7,126,64,88,0.336,0.5539999999999999,0.11,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,1,0,0,3,6,0,2,3,0,7,0,0,5,1,24,16,7,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,7,3,8,12,6,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,44,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255966508769182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291581362909677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394972279958456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100662862631433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738490717233118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827016453451087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620420560753166,0.0,0.0,0.3208228268535745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699567345187017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23758631076028966,0.0,0.1547311265059123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372513054676087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534362098128285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263417084553993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670383910750177,0.0,0.0,0.17524295559269895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496398419031441,0.0,0.0,0.102655641342042,0.0,0.1271882773357044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271666739009995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326694924283144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,monaareal,2020/01/26,"My dad does not understand, and he is ignorant about my symptoms So... i have been through sexual abuse since i was 6-13 years old. the man who did this was a family friend and he got jailed. My dad does not understand my fucking symptoms. everytime my therapist mentions that case to him, he tells me ""why can't you forget? it happened a long time ago"" I don't know how to answer that question, and in return i lash out at him and become angry. He always tells me that other people are having it worse than me etc... and he also tells me that i have no reason to self harm, and be depressed. Today i lashed out at him, and told him that he never gave me the support i needed and then he said ""what do you want me to do? you always push me away"" and then i told him that it was too late, because i'm 16 and i needed support a long time ago. I don't get why he is so ignorant and keeps ignoring my symptoms like i'm super fucking fine. I'm not okay. and the fact that he doesn't give a fuck makes me wish i was dead just so i don't have to live within myself and his ignorance",3.8589097744360887,3.787153938596497,5.2009022556390985,86.78131578947371,71.01754385964912,8.268671679197995,25.496240601503768,7.957251820313856,1.2092872180451129,830,21,187,10,14,279,118,228,0.158,0.737,0.105,-0.9315,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,3,0,1,9,16,3,0,7,1,21,6,0,3,2,39,46,20,1,4,4,2,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,2,14,15,0,5,6,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,11,1,36,7,15,34,1,22,0,1,0,3,34,7,3,1,15,121,50,0,0.0,0.12980153237398834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942229644899976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876089151555261,0.18231253856975516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292796909416224,0.0,0.0,0.06678205033130859,0.12099188122989868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435721437936263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917398691397152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221797460442452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327613546016327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463981631283285,0.3038379402572494,0.0572365423572966,0.10509252519308693,0.0,0.0,0.08761896252650106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968767154429655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973750961077692,0.0,0.0,0.06020706558787474,0.0,0.12357973855109178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352170812131362,0.0,0.09673666637746167,0.19390063285742626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312699459890505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246324833679365,0.08449346856682821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149566844849757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594975392969035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272362080174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263798514327687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042093012409545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428691583390277,0.0,0.0,0.0906227743945314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486372480204011,0.0,0.3416002832562688,0.0,0.0,0.28726055255709065,0.0,0.0,0.1271986356229996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776162570694544,0.0,0.10384274758436847,0.2093637880435418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280955647757145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461677050499906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770777778601312,0.0,0.12597971028168958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164312807058496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054807362431367
ptsd,thiccarrus,2020/01/26,"Can’t Remember Days Hello, everyone.

Just a thing I was wondering if anyone else could relate to, I guess. Ever since I got cPTSD, I have a hard time remembering the day prior, but especially nights. It takes me hours to recall what I did or who I was with, or where I was. I know that I dissociate a lot, but I don’t know if if I’ve just been dissociating so often that I’m just doing it all the time now, or is it something else ?? Sorry, this is a pretty minor dumb thing to post about on here, but I was just wondering if anyone else experienced this ?",5.794473684210527,4.768778447368419,7.449824561403509,75.49210526315792,67.15789473684211,10.757894736842106,27.771929824561404,10.125756701596842,2.3282035087719293,429,10,92,9,6,151,70,114,0.07400000000000001,0.885,0.040999999999999995,-0.327,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,11,1,1,0,6,0,13,0,0,0,2,27,21,11,0,5,14,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,2,12,0,6,13,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,12,9,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862616146044386,0.3203674049592323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248207921178125,0.0,0.0,0.2016463088396767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917935454121461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141397564896646,0.0,0.14938481089392056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503539671359729,0.0,0.17222064954301888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004547030560385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395850309279727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183527660384196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291044313836758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670982554461062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972573386211868,0.1590489184682343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35419420321246176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293219438004632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035433598735165,0.0,0.1750042551947084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754447866578482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772408080604227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823204143761731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390773200740937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,electrokinetic,2020/01/26,"how do i stop having nightmares every night? My nightmares don't even involve my trauma, they're just bad and I wake up feeling exhausted no matter how long I slept. I have no energy anymore. Is there a pill I can take or some kind of therapy I can do to stop having constant nightmares?",3.109999999999996,5.123224561403512,4.382315789473683,83.94821052631579,75.3157894736842,6.665263157894738,27.18947368421053,7.554174236665415,1.6879221052631586,228,9,42,3,5,75,42,57,0.29600000000000004,0.626,0.077,-0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,9,4,2,2,0,10,12,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,8,1,3,11,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903390002877533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444421586084041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31636927969047185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336505058144407,0.0,0.2466627119039427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802812358842435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048642234789879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590831618361642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747351887239972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895205116997765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201188939447591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347962828313156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TheRidginator,2020/01/26,"Help with coping with anger problems Due to very unfortunate circumstances(a very long and depressing story) I found myself in prison during the fall of 2018. While I was locked up, I was forced by my environment to frequently be very violent and aggressive, and often had to do things I’m not proud of. As of now, I’m currently studying at a university (ironically enough, psychology with intent of going to law school). I tend to have issues dealing with my anger. In December of 2018 I was formally diagnosed with PTSD, but I figured if I just tried to act normal, it’d go away. Surprise, that didn’t work. Does anyone have any healthy coping techniques for dealing with anger?",5.433225806451612,7.608600387096777,5.8992258064516125,74.85383870967746,69.3225806451613,9.476129032258065,30.14193548387097,9.888512548439397,3.25795741935484,544,22,92,14,10,175,87,124,0.195,0.7440000000000001,0.061,-0.9272,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,5,0,2,0,10,1,0,1,0,20,16,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,7,0,0,6,0,10,2,25,8,1,15,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,6,60,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252026749400078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625967608545345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830895223585546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40181084558939295,0.16784375970730275,0.19779191088686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053460476698218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013558182890031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213668097416825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22150154159367155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306192099563434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033966980108418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245640114792254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909340853211769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864670654567248,0.2277960141333629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722179794077568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946490839295555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230592030335192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48237170110683897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186980606096575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CJGodley1776,2020/01/26,"What Do You Do to Bring a Daily Dose of Humor (levity) to Your Life amid Symptoms? Interested in sharing ideas, jokes, etc. :)",3.7743478260869563,5.912730130434787,5.312391304347828,77.45815217391308,73.78260869565217,8.078260869565218,24.54347826086957,8.841846274778883,2.0051913043478256,95,3,17,2,2,32,21,23,0.0,0.588,0.41200000000000003,0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5509645898213974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.557690169981408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34894201353717497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5134775226411272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,g0ldwaite,2020/01/26,"Mmj Hello all, 

I am 17 and live in Columbus Ohio. After a couple years of the subject being out of the question, my mom has given me permission to get a mmj card because I’m almost an adult. I’m also on caresource if that means anything. 

I’ve never done anything weed related, even cbd oil type things, so I have no idea what it feels like or what to expect.

To anyone who uses MMJ for their ptsd, would you say it is helpful/worthwhile? I have night terrors almost every night and hypervigilance almost all the time I’m awake, so I feel like mmj would help “relax” me, helping these symptoms 

TIA",3.845809792843689,5.312455313559326,4.823333333333334,83.8340018832392,72.13559322033899,6.261393596986817,25.822975517890768,6.42735559955562,1.019211676082862,469,15,88,3,9,153,87,118,0.05,0.812,0.138,0.8675,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,1,6,0,9,1,0,1,3,20,18,7,0,4,2,1,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,9,3,10,13,2,9,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,6,8,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763911013134379,0.0,0.0,0.12681802232687814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088426902366544,0.0,0.2609990594658217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667015662636458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546804174341976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622845138790538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474196015990606,0.0,0.1336122317114138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036771667705166,0.2265821218474271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285258519290199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258843456188195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790198518724586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495037607649845,0.0,0.1400308712270463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274236176224084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857294011801156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230826696302848,0.0,0.0,0.2976370559759743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853739509687493,0.0,0.1776482091490513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261108253340288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482748843522932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535487932883204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924704790183654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369639901635915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253043020490175,0.0,0.0,0.10212165234695436
ptsd,crash--n--burn--V,2020/01/27,Has anyone had any success with prazosin? I was prescribed this today. My provider is starting it for nightmares but said a higher dose is an option for treatment of other symptoms. I'm curious as to other's experiences with it and whether they had side effects.,5.470625000000003,7.825428145833335,5.560833333333335,76.56750000000002,69.625,6.466666666666668,37.0,7.1686216300943375,3.0001499999999988,213,12,32,2,4,67,41,48,0.0,0.888,0.11199999999999999,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,7,9,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,1,7,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29558766500204703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039284499622503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425186580777758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134667351950727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30765870676943785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517842207229442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120123761133242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,-DeadLock,2020/01/27,"(big triggers) My last relationship was a bit unconventional and ended up giving me PTSD. How and when do I broach the topic and avoid getting victim blamed, especially when dating new girls. So, to make a long story short, I got PTSD from my last relationships and overall I'm terrified of being labelled as an idiot and also for having poor judgement.

  
To make the story brief, I'm a young 26 year old man who wouldn't really have trouble in the dating market (apparently pretty handsome, really good job) if it wasn't for me being really awkward from a shitty childhood or possibly even aspergers. Some people would say I'm possibly easily exploited because of my awkwardness.

I met my ex online about 1.5 years ago. We met on a language learning app and shared a passion for languages. She was in a semi-developped country in south america and I am from a first world country. We spoke for months and she was obviously a genius because it only took her months to become almost fully fluent in English. We shared a lot of passions and stuff, etc. and we developed feelings for each other. We are very similar people, she possibly had aspergers, we shared the same passions and even kinks. After almost 6 months of constant contact I eventually decided to pull the trigger and go meet her

This relationship was NOT a scam. She never asked for money, didn't want to leave her country, she was relatively well off for where she was from, and neither of us have a racial fetish or something like that. I have lived in 3rd world countries and can spot passport shoppers a MILE away. But it doesn't stop a lot of people thinking that especially now that we're broken up.

I spent two 3 week blocks in her country. First time was great but I started wondering if she was a bit off in the back of my mind. 2nd time, was good but we started having regular relationship problems until one night for her birthday we got nearly blackout drunk annnnnnd

She tried to kill herself violently by throwing herself off a 20 floor balcony. When I tried to prevent her she brutally attacked me. This lasted TWO HOURS until the police and her family arrived after I called them. She did not succeed in killing herself but had she done so I would have been certainly blamed for her murder.

She tried to kill herself for various reasons but it complex and random. She seemed to have been planning it for a while but being blackout drunk gave her courage. Her parents developed severe illnesses, she was a victim of childhood sexual abuse, assault at her work place, and I think she could sense our relationship was coming to an end for other reasons and just said fuck it. NO ONE saw this coming and she was very good at hiding all this. I'm not dumb or something, she was just really good at hiding her trauma.

I dumped her the next day after explaining everything but I knew I had changed forever even the next morning.

Now I'm at a loss of how to explain myself. I can't have sex properly because it was so violent and I'm scared to be physically close to someone.. it hinders me in all sorts of ways but if I tell my story I'm afraid of being judged. I don't know if anyone except close ones should even know about my past relationship anymore because it looks so damning on me and I'm also scared that people won't believe my story or think I'm an idiot in denial of being scammed or something.",5.862801944635925,6.981324954758192,6.42340891775206,75.56089286362155,67.00312012480501,8.895708014367086,32.223669411892764,9.10164783776728,2.9100674164641007,2700,111,465,47,43,880,304,641,0.2,0.713,0.087,-0.9984,3,1,3,0,1,0,55.0,10,0,1,6,24,44,17,6,31,0,50,8,0,8,5,104,93,53,4,11,23,2,1,1,0,5,1,3,0,2,21,34,2,4,16,2,3,7,13,27,1,7,34,6,77,17,74,47,12,89,0,1,2,5,73,34,3,18,48,336,98,5,0.0,0.07587751977911535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676803871308327,0.0,0.1282546189856697,0.0,0.0,0.10242632842557116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351096718422851,0.044778606178596005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059869222083426266,0.07285531322543452,0.0601681572468981,0.049243191035061286,0.0,0.15615397606566928,0.07072770015289709,0.0,0.07215171270108134,0.0,0.0,0.13983127794659556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539251001868449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774635687129156,0.11033043935599356,0.0,0.06920502901988912,0.0,0.05113112772786985,0.0,0.0,0.041300824158380184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553566524683603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344174843751505,0.0,0.07142208514433003,0.1691925834267301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057555471482780174,0.0,0.06037168335201797,0.0,0.03238080068557672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089456321061016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059204409737089576,0.03345851774916532,0.06143348243378378,0.0363956916085528,0.2148565299784798,0.10243807512186877,0.07060487664347576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306699190788168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355031401827115,0.0,0.21255397250636734,0.0,0.07038996730522327,0.15660466308601675,0.0,0.06780964211971229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031286953183927414,0.0,0.05654893422423464,0.05667382670965562,0.05377789046287,0.0,0.0,0.10888988491695137,0.0,0.0,0.08549506123053463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466264847424819,0.0,0.15334954685674787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493919810893568,0.06185071335773554,0.13621559521732546,0.060097670440792686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719973132226474,0.0,0.13018649927242634,0.04870568554991463,0.0,0.0,0.07110939587350909,0.0,0.06113390298673769,0.17759047526233604,0.0,0.06690869152112287,0.0,0.0,0.216588122349525,0.0,0.06515221083922543,0.0,0.0612781090432707,0.14971983346760212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410393500066164,0.13168859857468693,0.0,0.4125331790437646,0.0,0.0,0.06091718003217402,0.050927575500226814,0.12823142365912008,0.0,0.0,0.0583000654378173,0.0,0.07234753589003129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054261307300942994,0.14790451546319078,0.0,0.0,0.0906563901441667,0.0,0.0,0.05354072502102406,0.0,0.0,0.07331105022884178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559742191527938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310369847191414,0.0,0.0,0.07468506037093109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115135116089774,0.1304378860399987,0.0,0.12511652488123126,0.0,0.07703283564909981,0.0,0.0,0.10568023769564057,0.03777274576334781,0.05083236756378693,0.051369425735043585,0.0,0.05758009989268259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944918978710025,0.04662224626347817,0.0,0.0,0.09098506668825307,0.0,0.0,0.08247996389417149
ptsd,qweerty93,2020/01/27,"Something I found helpful Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final
- Rainer Maria Rilke

Saw this at the end of a film yesterday and was immediately crying with pain and joy. Keep going folks, there is something beyond this feeling.",6.255625000000002,8.805403312500003,6.298333333333333,71.28,67.95833333333334,7.300000000000002,28.66666666666667,8.07648339933343,2.390566666666667,221,8,31,3,4,70,40,48,0.192,0.593,0.215,0.1027,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,13,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,3,2,1,5,9,0,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27078484638068623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833887400675456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155153652977969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492905004904853,0.0,0.0,0.2700448281106563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702906684471391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801999945861404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179921542983431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523362166820707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43822722268155023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25207800485217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623090445007569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795581528145575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pennysforthepoor,2020/01/27,"Caffeine stops my nightmares I noticed this over a year ago. I’ve had terrible PTSD induced nightmares for a long time, so many some nights that I would give up on sleeping after only an hour or 2 of sleep because in that short span I would have constant nightmares where I’d wake up drenched in sweat or paranoid. By the time I’d wake up I’d have sweat so much during the night that I’d be dehydrated and have to chug water for an hour. 

One night I got up and said fuck it, I was just going to drink coffee and stay awake. I drank a cup of coffee and a short while later I dozed off and had really lucid and happy dreams. I woke up happy and feeling great.

So I tried to repeat the same thing that night. I went to sleep, had loads of nightmares, got up and made myself a cup of coffee. I fell back asleep a bit later, maybe 30 minutes later, and again had lucid but happy dreams.

It’s been over a year since I discovered this brain hack and I do it most nights. I go to sleep without drinking a cup of coffee, I usually don’t drink any more coffee after 3 or 4 in the afternoon. If I manage to just stay asleep I don’t do it but on nights the nightmares are really bad, I’ll drink a cup of coffee and go back to sleep.

Everything I’ve read says it should have the opposite effect and cause me more nightmares but it doesn’t, it stops the nightmares and gives me happy dreams. 

Has anyone else experienced this? I posted about this a long time ago on an old account but I still haven’t been able to locate anyone who has this effect from coffee. I’d be curious to see some studies done on this effect.",3.68072770261395,4.508032764350453,4.531974254564564,88.20305267305925,71.809667673716,7.085826875082098,23.45474845658741,7.079830092131019,0.7021928543281226,1259,30,268,11,23,407,152,331,0.045,0.855,0.1,0.9605,0,0,4,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,11,8,1,0,20,0,26,19,12,6,0,40,41,25,0,4,11,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,19,13,6,2,5,8,1,5,5,3,0,1,15,5,23,5,39,21,8,62,0,0,1,1,5,20,1,7,34,167,42,2,0.07898835393584208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003681975912793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371478930244364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046098728529492,0.08093290301908235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147433703310065,0.06595197619068008,0.04815056741589429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623482469363078,0.0,0.0,0.08817712600945618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114279783558795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535834947781892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083251024709623,0.0,0.3095140627068652,0.0,0.0,0.06598463414919654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709896393190713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039938885084445326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302346041230766,0.0,0.15154565318411498,0.13467270548720947,0.0,0.12634840473189576,0.0870849390676515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363382861887085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557523526911934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398044152293568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474069035259248,0.0,0.08008179317856394,0.07935441828491842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806552865933216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447513161056851,0.0,0.0,0.08992876448724109,0.08288499018435347,0.0,0.05352455286159391,0.06007420251975538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564900867281305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233315880277702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900972930620365,0.0,0.10120392428739566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513601274403242,0.06281470941016495,0.0,0.0,0.06294349143020729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533998261885593,0.0,0.3952269919019977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838215112139784,0.06308020148657982,0.1320756015094493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052476352545112334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817623316251634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362790739071043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699451246974138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322299544898048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614195448816835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222212069886664,0.0,0.0,0.1017318203995438
ptsd,OptimalWoodpecker5,2020/01/27,"Is PTSD a genetic illness? People say that PTSD isn’t genetic (only environmental) but I don’t believe that. Only a minority of people who experienced trauma end up with PTSD so I do believe it to be genetic. Not saying it runs in families but it probably has genetic components, like bipolar disorder.",3.3082077922077917,6.4117929636363655,6.997922077922077,58.88545454545456,83.0,11.142857142857144,35.12987012987013,10.290406445055957,5.824532467532468,243,15,34,11,7,91,38,55,0.159,0.785,0.057,-0.705,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42186980154511977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145724483028257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582297948538038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649608804282016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146713388036523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28478129108574224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595921002790776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018568087206816,0.0,0.656556934698368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977726427432788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,GabbyMoon,2020/01/27,Anyone have a service animal? I have a German Shepherd Labrador.,3.5854545454545463,6.6153498181818176,4.791363636363638,70.50704545454549,96.27272727272728,5.836363636363638,32.77272727272727,7.1686216300943375,3.5573272727272727,52,3,6,1,2,17,9,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Thondiac,2020/01/27,"My life Not a day goes by that I don’t think of the shit I’ve done and seen. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about killing myself. Some days more seriously than others. Every time on of my brothers kills themselves it seems a little more doable. 

I’ve done the therapy, I’ve done the meditation, I’ve tried hobbies, and taking to friends and professionals and whatever fucking god there might be, I’ve drowned it in alcohol, I’ve numbed everything with drugs of all kinds, and I feel like I’m at the end. None of it worked. I’m tired, tired of continually convincing myself that it isn’t worth it to do, and I’m angry that I’m too cowardly to pull the trigger. 

I’m just fucking tired. 

Not looking for comments, or advice, or anything really. Just didn’t know where else to put this. And I didn’t want to burden my people with the worry for the millionth time since I came home.",2.433166666666665,4.337305261111112,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,76.94444444444444,6.9444444444444455,24.027777777777786,7.865858978985527,1.1571111111111103,697,23,148,11,16,228,100,180,0.18899999999999997,0.7170000000000001,0.094,-0.9595,0,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,5,0,10,0,11,10,1,1,1,27,28,9,3,1,7,1,1,1,1,1,7,0,1,0,11,10,1,0,5,0,1,3,9,8,0,0,7,3,10,4,21,19,5,15,0,0,2,2,3,5,3,5,8,85,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527896237802585,0.0,0.1370105369598221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550054502164463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466306337528197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480419266485329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935900312710866,0.0,0.0,0.14867534140816402,0.0,0.10709756152486692,0.0,0.11355023545016432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801696600717704,0.0,0.11522102626820314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482353441400501,0.09158859574432524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904969496873722,0.2370441132274136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859854915172692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836763238272301,0.13350420179097972,0.07045728288682003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055391332202756,0.06263374726651115,0.12849357285696775,0.0,0.0,0.1076586390491955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600363841566082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888015460574546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288799130900209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213043572705257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671163832370765,0.0,0.0,0.1315990356569605,0.10605124812443724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639306606678236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661185885283942,0.0,0.0,0.16429523391289375,0.0,0.0,0.1495129669021298,0.44205314168220106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704175123923773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756177374573846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333366442865547,0.13019686279400064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,etherealstar,2020/01/27,"What's the difference between PTSD and CPTSD? not diagnosed but i know i have some type of trauma and just seeing which community is better. So far I've found plenty of things on r/cptsd to match closest to me.

thank you!",1.8100000000000025,4.356409090909096,3.1283636363636376,88.30754545454548,83.0909090909091,6.247272727272727,20.163636363636364,7.554174236665415,0.7884054545454542,176,5,35,3,5,57,38,44,0.079,0.764,0.157,0.5707,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,2,6,5,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187509216750374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658057690632921,0.0,0.3765488642101893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951679436706659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807039741769986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212967849189389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28719791367434033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318145706800692,0.0,0.0,0.2394385602982715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Stuffed_Shark,2020/01/27,"I was referred here by users in r/insomnia and r/abusiverelationships... GF shot herself in the head over video I've never thought about having PTSD but I can't sleep, I can't eat, I just see the same images over and over...

I don't even know where to begin. Could I be dealing with PTSD? Sorry if this is insensitive.",1.3926785714285683,3.7475098750000018,2.9100892857142884,90.48312500000002,83.0625,5.5321428571428575,20.080357142857142,6.868970318607317,0.271341964285714,248,7,53,3,7,81,48,64,0.071,0.929,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,8,3,2,0,1,12,12,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,9,8,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,2,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248278700100956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27436787580140043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723169644596508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577605493931353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731256921583117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625783837123754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525551193049968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6221823945256538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120707919324076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663217411721002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979102379490589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112771322453268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tallorai,2020/01/27,"It seems everyone has forgotten and forgiven Kobe for raping a young girl. Imagine how devastating it must have been. She could be a member of this sub because of it. But because he's a famous guy with lots of money and can play basketball, noone cares. Noone cares about that poor girl. Noone even remembers. And it is not fair. 

The people who suffer from the mental shock of what happened to their bodies against their will have to deal with this shit ALL THE TIME. Its constantly in the media and always will be because as long as you have money and do something like a sport or are in politics, not many will hold it against you in the end",4.868646953405018,6.282408427419359,4.8188172043010775,85.05378136200717,69.56451612903226,8.091756272401435,26.681003584229394,8.515128840125781,1.7398541218637995,511,16,99,8,9,158,84,124,0.18100000000000002,0.726,0.09300000000000001,-0.9314,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,2,0,3,8,2,0,9,0,16,3,2,1,2,20,20,10,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,3,11,7,0,1,3,2,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,5,4,18,12,2,11,0,1,0,1,11,3,1,3,9,72,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678999467328605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690158487606533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413585978039394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114632327472284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180561619644817,0.0,0.16110761930394826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802981694528955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872019289028535,0.0,0.0,0.13327602739782524,0.0,0.0,0.1928126783603032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979728248913628,0.17843638720772864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858117289263672,0.0,0.0,0.17857195222902073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154902409563755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457668840338566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335019924637035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989119716294016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285812478940172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836960216864444,0.0,0.0,0.2071277522547267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534271346017747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766151861514622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,R3htribution,2020/01/27,"Don't belittle your PTSD I guess I'm writing this as much for myself as I am for others. Perhaps I'm looking for a little validation. I'm not sure, but it will be good to share nevertheless.

I often find myself belittling my PTSD. 

My trauma was caused through an abusive marriage to a narcissist, and seeing my children abused physically and emotionally (I was by my spouse, too). It still continues to a minor extent, but the scars are permanent.

I find myself comparing my PTSD to what others have gone through, and often think I must be weak. How can I complain when others have been through so much worse? 

It doesn't change my symptoms. The nightmares. The physical pain / neuropathy. The anxiety and depression. The life I feel I'm enduring. Wasting away every moment until I finally die.... I know what I have is real. Really, there's no point denying that.

So, my hypocritical message for people is this:

No matter what the cause of your PTSD, never compare it to others, never belittle it because the trauma is different to what you read in other's posts. Never think you are weak because the cause of your trauma may appear minor as what someone else has been through.

If it's valid to you, it's valid. It matters. Period.",3.0953478260869574,5.857513491304353,4.569304347826087,78.68917391304348,79.30434782608697,7.332173913043477,26.591304347826085,8.364918446050245,2.3539791304347824,973,40,164,21,25,323,127,230,0.255,0.693,0.052000000000000005,-0.9957,1,0,0,0,1,1,38.0,0,6,0,0,9,11,0,0,12,0,22,5,0,4,5,32,35,15,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,21,4,0,0,6,1,0,2,8,8,0,0,5,3,27,3,24,25,3,17,0,1,2,0,13,4,0,6,10,130,48,1,0.0,0.27156418883336825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766857911305656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767034072751644,0.0,0.0,0.1397180217764924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531768721563144,0.12123145632411625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870469136558048,0.0,0.11893656154172405,0.11973246220837162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573347777339064,0.12890941761389274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655532457661176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794513248160981,0.0,0.0,0.12553854487080832,0.2094843915061608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612092529020988,0.0,0.0,0.12624466572925605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298108592932562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094527013385834,0.0,0.11485916603497905,0.0,0.0,0.09623501956332192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848816603997305,0.0,0.2651594303250293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194233077325753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944911335323915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833390950822673,0.0,0.10975498741089808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.535844414080167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463087220146627,0.13043972961364794,0.07341560471821812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132125100805344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710008936187256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151959611236282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800901167673782,0.11911313388871238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468619257070762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167870477289677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,iamapersoniswear-,2020/01/27,"An inability to trust My PTSD was caused by my mom abandoning my siblings and I when I was 16.  It was later exacerbated by my husband deciding he didn’t want to be married anymore one day out of the blue. 

These two events have made it so that I am a needy and incredibly insecure shell of the person I used to be and it’s costing me a potential relationship with a man I care for very much. 

My mom left my dad when I was 16 because she wanted to be with the man she was cheating on him with and left her 3 kids behind because some stranger was more important.  We didn’t see her for months after she left and when we did it was just for a day and she was always drunk or *he* was there. 

My ex-husband would punish me for my feelings and emotions and would spend days and week and sometimes months neglecting and ignoring me only to then spend a day or two piling attention and affection on me until I was happy and then he’d go back to ignoring me.  He spend our first wedding anniversary ignoring me in favor of playing video games with his friends, he’d tell me he was going to play D&D with his friends only to later tell me that he actually went to a kink party.  He manipulated me emotionally, he would gaslight me, make me feel as if I deserved all of the awful things he did, he would force himself on my sexually and then make me think that it was okay because we were married. 

So we are divorced and two years later I meet a man who is wonderful and so nice but he doesn’t want anyone to know we’re dating because he’s afraid his ex-wife will find out and try and take his son away from him.  Except it’s been 7 months and he sometimes doesn’t answer my texts for several hours, we can’t go anywhere if someone who knows us will be in case it gets back and he avoids answering my questions about where the relationship is heading. 

I hate it. I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve this.  Why can’t anyone just love me? I just want to be with someone and feel safe and happy with them.   If my own mother didn’t even want me why would anyone else? 

I hate myself. I hate my life. I just want to be loved by someone.",3.9142465753424673,4.6986744885844764,5.0560547945205485,84.81736986301371,71.23744292237444,8.12310502283105,27.842009132420092,8.344100000000001,1.722786666666667,1678,58,357,25,30,555,204,438,0.09300000000000001,0.787,0.12,0.8528,0,1,0,0,1,1,29.0,7,0,1,1,16,27,5,3,13,2,45,5,1,7,1,88,76,39,0,14,11,6,3,0,2,7,1,0,0,5,17,36,1,7,14,5,4,4,8,13,0,5,22,5,66,14,47,39,5,42,0,2,2,2,62,12,0,8,26,242,83,0,0.0,0.0,0.07684985750558336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552734650793611,0.08532694370837489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781000763773334,0.1651941098207996,0.08068995940270908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398938931027761,0.12110969652677392,0.0,0.19202411800747335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029214526911556,0.08089922415895638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031521587041623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805898679887884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578656210374559,0.17716910750256293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052014456218938514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945699076036538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197721346866152,0.066985770849482,0.0,0.0,0.12168603685537528,0.0,0.041144276453895415,0.0,0.13426844624433862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676643345645514,0.0,0.2332516588024157,0.08082149961745673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755411550585505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655925214914863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566903823270515,0.0,0.05562433502385164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215215095225125,0.07451633446114234,0.10513413837047772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446501844159213,0.1885754831476664,0.0,0.05789122810921105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053363883369312234,0.11978774470319616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876255169469155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205599400732384,0.0,0.08821942021181713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909873585582866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275454825796485,0.0,0.0,0.0889664939652572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20017702921661554,0.0,0.1557739947812233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921113736749675,0.0,0.13766412274320958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052318829530543315,0.0504606195289068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05346692764978901,0.0,0.2307855772597316,0.08198282590565162,0.09472805429502686,0.06801579289769942,0.0,0.06497802664272666,0.27869715671705025,0.0,0.0631695005010558,0.0,0.0,0.07300319535961676,0.1421215036983456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854023685544404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797131335182192,0.0,0.0,0.05071322139567528
ptsd,paxweasley,2020/01/27,"My boss likes to listen to triggering music when we’re under a deadline. Help? 
My boss likes to listen to a band that I used to listen to with my rapist before he well raped me. It’s a HUGE trigger for me, and last Friday was a triggering date for other reasons and the two things combined meant I was basicallt having a flashback all day, which made doing my work very difficult even though I was on a tight deadline that had to be met.  I put in my own headphones most of the day but I couldn’t have them in all the time.  
 

I don’t want to tell her to stop because she told me this was her “get shit done” playlist that she’s used for seven years now, and I don’t want to have to say that it’s triggering for me.  She already knows I deal with seasonal depression bc j brought in a happy light but I don’t want her knowing about my ACTUAL issues like bipolar and PTSD.",4.5443445504771445,4.556092696132598,5.2350075339025635,86.83750376695131,69.5524861878453,8.349773982923152,27.50426921145153,8.00094639256281,1.4727193370165743,682,20,149,8,11,221,106,181,0.11199999999999999,0.768,0.12,-0.5469,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,6,10,3,0,10,0,15,4,1,10,2,30,31,8,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,10,6,0,2,4,1,0,2,4,5,1,2,11,6,26,5,24,18,4,18,0,1,0,2,18,6,1,1,13,102,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.16536525085143394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869996325853602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329920404056757,0.0,0.14419513232196768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857104733527585,0.17470237047535211,0.14595276863345694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734129921461691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192452243546164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853410816545554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803897602678797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358322384513204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768687215858039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625789181348246,0.13812979089326227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24836388612186575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034398423967014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808576145106355,0.17035074250459467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422966429317446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347587335381575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394482118709365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167335133626796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481125855634769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257947184798793,0.0,0.1664903031467785,0.0,0.098811538257527,0.0,0.0,0.16192309574595973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553452890777226,0.0,0.0,0.2927122839120447,0.0,0.1398194873012613,0.2998497767464831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236188375988854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336646304991357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912452995727244
ptsd,DaughterEarth,2020/01/27,"Anyone want to talk about reconnecting with people that are connected to your trauma? I've been rebuilding a relationship with my parents for a number of years now and it all just kinda blew up in my face. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's made an attempt like this so I'm curious to hear about the ups and downs of others, whether having a relationship was ultimately successful or abandoned.",7.769025974025975,7.097938857142861,8.468149350649352,68.63650974025977,63.02597402597402,11.855844155844155,34.83441558441558,11.20814326018867,3.912171428571429,320,12,58,8,4,108,61,77,0.07200000000000001,0.757,0.171,0.7165,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,6,0,4,1,1,1,2,14,10,5,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,3,3,14,7,1,6,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,3,42,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736008853524054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181232361840404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789611551887404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670776285400149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126409696647012,0.21466854894861606,0.0,0.0,0.3134120925807533,0.0,0.0,0.19568090050078146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6060750262083779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660231156153209,0.0,0.0,0.22686683120820875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648201193088585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817637301126857
ptsd,boogaloo242,2020/01/27,"I just need to get stuff off my chest. I have not talked about this stuff with anybody in depth. Either because I'm too afraid of judgement  or because when I start to, my mind goes completely blank, and I can't think.

But, I guess here is a good place. When I was really young, I was molested and eventually raped by my grandfather. I don't remember when it started or when exactly it ended. I remember sounds, smells and little pictures here and there of stuff I'd rather not remember. But it just kinda pops in my head. 

I was also molested by my doctor during procedures for my urinary reflux. He would do stuff to me, and one thing he said will stick in my head forever, which is another thing I'd rather not think of. But it just pops in my head, too.

I was also molested by my brother. He would make up games to get me to do stuff with him. But he's only 4 years older than me, so I'm not too sure if I'm allowed to get mad at him. If I was 8 when it happened, he would have been 11 or 12 at the oldest.

But, with all of this stuff, I feel so broken and used up. I feel like I am an empty husk of a human being. I feel like my only purpose is to be used and thrown away by everyone I meet. And if by some stroke of luck I meet a person who can tolerate everything wrong with me, they will eventually leave. My fear and aversion to intimacy, my fucked up dreams, my attachment disorder, my anxiety attacks, my ever-so-strong cynicism and nihilistic attitudes towards life.

I feel like I am inherently wrong, and it is all my fault. Why would so much bad stuff happen to me, and still continue to happen, if it was not all my fault? Coincidence? Bad luck? I don't believe so. Being born was my fault, and I don't think I deserve to live. I am not fit to be alive and exist in this kind of world.

I could go on forever about everything wrong with me and how I feel about everything, but this is the basic jist of how things are in my brain right now. I'm really struggling not to go back to taking pills and self-harming. I just needed a place to talk about this, since I have no friends, and being alone with so many thoughts makes me feel like I am going crazy.",3.0375981791004207,4.118769737668163,4.523509987770076,86.70321986682974,73.5964125560538,8.276015763011278,24.72591384699008,8.754623652393294,1.5289934230194326,1677,50,368,32,33,561,199,446,0.141,0.8059999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9826,2,1,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,0,1,0,33,29,8,3,7,0,40,11,5,7,5,88,75,44,0,13,27,1,7,4,1,6,4,2,0,2,24,23,0,0,13,2,0,3,12,19,0,1,10,10,58,10,55,53,6,42,0,0,0,2,19,22,1,12,21,258,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057698478925238,0.0,0.10899000785807852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145528190897,0.05213023343812004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775240241742425,0.06402385042934297,0.05239879101756705,0.11379535470670908,0.08308031411491354,0.0,0.0,0.07677533555231335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607161991820809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144804379420717,0.0,0.0,0.05440771038573792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809931717508319,0.06974861932210469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060355658763182815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164045669845409,0.0,0.06511483695339247,0.18373121595611794,0.0,0.0,0.07668132754445105,0.20673495430833805,0.1947293199147864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052648147900619766,0.0629983440943818,0.10680781499605488,0.0,0.11618399610893555,0.05715623914931766,0.0,0.0,0.07506867296544803,0.0,0.18077944394100245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098072568737019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096184358229625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215501659664922,0.0,0.0,0.04813236247787296,0.13316752931740436,0.06829853065360679,0.06017270051756157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097375195005593,0.06908766489389731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880635744405947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050093930551204834,0.10105632903593376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617636824705034,0.1036536822595512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950100907549141,0.14239266264357006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731001804023701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315827591908958,0.058194893866440923,0.06482087205950346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108940815383973,0.0,0.0,0.05636970207796167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964658289140726,0.0,0.05442015780074844,0.0,0.0,0.07123925969557142,0.5460627598725359,0.0,0.0,0.06422523381915306,0.0,0.051236062872076014,0.10954367816086416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581621423262005,0.1309924242140737,0.0,0.0540989940153523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770966058536153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614896675077183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363113538774104,0.2235154143253741,0.0,0.04388272063999669
ptsd,Ava_Sharpe,2020/01/27,Therapy is my trigger My abuser took me to therapy for my whole childhood it is my biggest trigger. Thinking about it makes me cry and age regress 99% of the time. I don’t know how to get better if the place to get better is a fucking trigger. I don’t know what to do.,0.5899999999999999,2.644199140350881,2.8132456140350897,91.81355263157896,83.91228070175438,5.203508771929825,27.043859649122812,6.42735559955562,1.0862070175438592,209,10,45,2,6,71,36,57,0.111,0.7929999999999999,0.096,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,5,0,10,14,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,7,13,1,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,31,11,0,0.0,0.27258395184759937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40693945270073584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527105443732533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126871307855039,0.2403941251000353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528703562575089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535671020976492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403641500258889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5261882300974774,0.0,0.0,0.14741341359168358,0.0,0.0,0.13415006815686856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25560556717184657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568542184104124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,eeeeeeeeeeeeeb,2020/01/27,"I witnessed a motorcycle crash a few hours ago I’ve never posted on reddit before but I am alone and don’t want to be. A few hours ago I witnessed a horrific crash between a motorcyclist and  an SUV. I was the first car behind/next to the accident. I am remembering small bits and pieces- like throwing my car in park and screaming no a lot. And I immediately called 911. I cannot unsee what I saw and it is playing like a slow motion loop in my head. I stood in the street as people filmed this man dying. I started screaming at them to stop and no one listened to me. I couldn’t leave. I stood in the street and sobbed until the ambulance took him away. I spoke with the cops but all I could remember was the impact. I don’t know whose fault it was and I don’t really care. All I kept asking was if he was alive and one of the officers told me they were working on him but it didn’t sound good. I went to the hospital because I couldn’t go home. I knew they wouldn’t be able to tell me anything but I had to go. They cut his clothes off in the street and all I can think about is who his people are and do they know?

I think I was showing signs of distress because the cops kept mentioning something about counselors for people who witnessed something violent and traumatic. I kind of think this is something I should pursue even though I see a therapist weekly for other things. Is this kind of thing helpful? 

I apologize if this isn’t the place for this post. But it’s late where I am and I can’t think of any other resource.",2.4209523809523823,4.155906777777783,3.6444444444444457,89.71333333333334,76.46031746031747,6.6984126984127,24.04761904761905,7.526774132740827,0.9756666666666668,1205,39,259,16,27,392,159,315,0.185,0.731,0.084,-0.9879,0,1,3,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,5,2,5,14,2,1,21,0,32,1,1,0,4,46,56,24,1,8,7,0,0,2,0,2,0,5,1,1,17,15,0,3,9,3,0,8,13,7,0,3,19,7,44,7,31,30,8,38,0,1,2,0,23,16,1,3,14,182,61,1,0.11487980135993756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366802491001287,0.0,0.0,0.1189808282735494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812220432100386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453628812578464,0.0,0.10739710663828288,0.0,0.10793335498947378,0.0,0.0,0.14005932126650406,0.0,0.0977542496601292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254189894773597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730512152029153,0.0,0.11712761382386562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172217353139588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922709663005268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587702534102815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771670035038917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305776770378275,0.09635572694545716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789981901879068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700150928928295,0.0,0.11523380749048588,0.0,0.2262669271315465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392592698725038,0.1262698689221331,0.0,0.12958941974594795,0.12164112230632418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224893628311933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766669897564596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860238492389193,0.0,0.12217597202922488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569105302824246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389295686410679,0.0,0.12002494150180833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004618798532774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359494241660973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602728409238464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154432814584844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653202508185121,0.0,0.0,0.08131251468565644,0.0,0.0,0.09604465791389866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004100099207967,0.0,0.0,0.13338430373880378,0.15264207078864206,0.2944413522735067,0.11286882155952856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977257326515248,0.12763568628696528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775908327511132,0.0,0.09214964720814528,0.0,0.0,0.10649472679214166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363386360186524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cleopeace07,2020/01/27,"help please <3 I need some advice on if what i’m experiencing sounds anything like ptsd or if i have just had a traumatic childhood. for context, i just turned 16 and my parents are the cause of this so i can’t really tell anyone about this or get professional help/diagnosis for another 2 years until i’m 18. My whole childhood my parents have really really hated each other and have been constantly screaming at each other, threatening each other, throwing stuff at each other, and dragging me and my siblings into their fights. Two years ago we were driving home from a road trip and my parents got in an extremely bad fight while driving and my dad was looking through my moms phone so she started grabbing to take it back and kind of hitting him, so he called the cops and my mom freaked the fuck out and made him get out of the car.. which is when things got bad. She was speeding and screaming about how my dad was pyscho and then she said “what if i just killed us all right now” and proceeded to swerve ALMOST off the road literally a foot away from a tree. in that moment i truly believed my mom was going to kill me and all of my siblings and i remember time going by in slow motion and i felt such extreme disappointment and heartbreak in that moment because i didn’t want to die so young. After my mom swerved, i was in shock and she continued to speed until she was in an empty lot and then she got out of the car and had a mental breakdown screaming at the top of her lungs for 30 minutes while me and my brother and sister stayed inside the car petrified. The cops never ended up finding us and as usual, my parents “made up” the next day and acted like nothing had happened. I didn’t realize i was traumatized by it at all until a year later, (last year) i realized how often i would think of her almost killing us and of the perfectly clear image in my head of her headlights shining on the tree a foot ahead of us as she swerved. When i was in cars at night, the road would trigger thoughts and i started to notice i would get extremely anxious and think about the moment my mom swerved and i felt like i was there again. Ever since then, i think about it everyday and when i look at trees that are similar to the ones from that night, or anytime i’m driving at night it triggers me into the flashback-like memory of the event. I was never an anxious person before this but now i am extremely anxious all the time, i have felt depressed for so long i feel numb, and i am constantly reminded of the situation because my parents still fight every day and the noises just bring me back to that car ride. I have never talked about this to anyone because i feel like this event “wasn’t traumatic enough” if that makes sense? i also feel bad because my mom is a victim of my dad (who is mainly the bad guy in their marriage) and her actions were really just because he pushed her to the edge that night.. but i still feel like she doesn’t realize at all how much she scarred me and it hurts. i feel so weak that this one night has ruined my life so much and now i rely on weed to prevent the anxiety i have from this now. if you read all that thank you and i’m sorry if it was jumbled!",6.078615023474178,5.794064932707357,6.345645539906106,81.18213028169019,66.339593114241,9.165727699530516,31.67801251956181,8.59863814320734,2.3142866979655707,2528,89,505,33,36,813,264,639,0.151,0.8059999999999999,0.043,-0.9968,5,0,0,0,3,2,41.0,5,2,2,3,38,33,9,0,34,0,39,8,4,9,12,109,81,69,4,11,16,16,9,5,0,3,3,5,1,2,32,44,0,1,17,1,0,18,8,25,0,3,30,18,84,8,76,47,17,117,0,5,3,1,56,34,1,14,69,370,116,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055190699893570096,0.050065293566622524,0.0,0.1131112734622802,0.0,0.0,0.04516629707338882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922323621383367,0.043206338934064316,0.1914158409521409,0.0,0.07898296698839123,0.0,0.04647746763201937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053063951551216966,0.08685784716953503,0.1886306789865568,0.1721456040791774,0.0,0.04805953422272983,0.06363257846499673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767145184794294,0.0,0.0,0.058019569445285316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206763427847148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284866389284679,0.0,0.04864534583164405,0.0,0.05861636451295697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050023697902797065,0.058357983835463735,0.0,0.0,0.051088558184288216,0.04758605787560174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278759042912506,0.08069732707628481,0.16268631163182834,0.0,0.051620852718162885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052213996134463314,0.0885239591532665,0.0,0.06419672147392698,0.0,0.13551443082163706,0.0,0.0,0.05592316536482225,0.04994426082577896,0.0,0.0,0.0557613951464844,0.057963826705104235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571346890302043,0.0,0.05665311875401027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046201952352629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874571902345913,0.05881426694246774,0.0,0.046037985511123286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03989284201815031,0.13796411955284765,0.0,0.0,0.049982205411455774,0.09485639928570368,0.0,0.0,0.04801649113118369,0.0,0.10688373558642364,0.03770022213235807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691762509353779,0.0,0.0,0.396885670745196,0.0,0.0,0.08303723958972893,0.041878519582516,0.13068043686909026,0.0,0.060066138601120075,0.26500893649818674,0.0,0.054193197152867016,0.06430180293842201,0.0,0.0,0.07654336785560238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135666530374523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04931535110208458,0.0,0.06199706565092994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660210180343415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649436054229767,0.0,0.14472777054657254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639797837388985,0.04823282273634921,0.05372453533186263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672007572119696,0.0634848483688851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322370213398515,0.07995236208877393,0.06019918077097496,0.09020852690312434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465503009422223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04246523662177137,0.04539574230298173,0.049365202278887736,0.05199834543988077,0.0,0.0,0.037522188807138736,0.10856853509214033,0.0,0.0448380779685901,0.06586680740213484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143301685917856,0.055171851011745585,0.0,0.27174949978694424,0.0,0.062203723463220235,0.0,0.03331282264334358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305687193047578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036334644963573,0.0,0.0,0.14548269411232725
ptsd,CosmicGut,2020/01/27,"I hope you're ok To everyone suffering with traumatic stress in their life, i truly hope peace from the demons can come soon. 
No matter what horrible things you have witnessed or endured , remember you are worthy of peace and happiness and the world is a better place with you in it.

I hope you are safe and well, and you can find a balance and calm in the midst of the storm within.

I dont know who needs to hear this but i truly hope you are able to come through this with strength, peace and an complete mind, body and spirit.

Be well",6.106573208722741,5.784740794392526,5.701448598130843,85.94911993769472,66.28971962616822,9.37632398753894,29.048286604361373,8.841846274778883,1.8958922118380064,423,12,90,6,6,130,68,107,0.078,0.5579999999999999,0.365,0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,6,1,2,3,14,0,1,7,1,9,2,1,0,0,25,18,9,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,12,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,0,1,12,12,14,17,0,9,2,1,0,0,9,6,0,5,1,61,18,0,0.16195489785610775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432359460285534,0.0,0.17989538139991626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790196080726857,0.1698066290812525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980993411021807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475484532618394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802384258012197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240400030691536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253494040728274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6434310259590917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900617637523088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439353393111698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352827868301656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008750463724455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920839791676012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18346332805046311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551878830568969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759563774689976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912338063479237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ConsistentMessage3,2020/01/27,"What to do when you don't have access to therapy/medication? Everybody says do yoga, take walks, eat healthy, get enough sleep, talk to people. What to do when you've done all that and the trauma is still winning? I've tried meditation, I've tried aromatherapy, I've tried self help books. Everyday I am paralyzed by fear and have no idea what to do next.

I can't get therapy or medication now and maybe not for years. The why is a long story, just trust me it can't be done right now.",3.0063265306122453,4.6433285612244894,4.3589285714285735,85.62982142857145,74.61224489795919,8.573469387755104,23.47448979591837,9.188382445141503,1.6365673469387765,381,11,83,9,8,126,64,98,0.081,0.795,0.124,0.644,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,15,3,1,0,1,8,18,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,3,1,0,1,2,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,1,4,2,7,15,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,9,48,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866229047057765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329302649912056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518537514584516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256630130633256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738609916615754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661645296978832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324639510123086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167171565442656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977658620749369,0.0,0.20982658297462886,0.1902980261835686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089850652615146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130960266321014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132054230455334,0.0,0.15022176928669406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197065087906286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890375631786914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508566952431323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420301490203403,0.15183158171490987,0.0,0.0,0.21602491766981693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847544248961452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045389809005332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164614145856903
ptsd,BlueCandle1,2020/01/27,"TW I’m really triggered by people praising Kobe Bryant all day today. So many people I know personally have talked about how he inspired them and how great of a person he was, and it makes me want to throw up. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t felt this bad in a while.",2.9546551724137937,3.5491863620689656,4.306379310344827,90.01405172413793,73.3103448275862,7.179310344827586,21.396551724137925,7.1686216300943375,0.3485379310344827,211,4,49,2,4,70,45,58,0.067,0.735,0.198,0.7891,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,4,1,12,11,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,5,3,7,9,1,6,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297535194871881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774603898925011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642041253707612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033733392199349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024499219338397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836765634708944,0.2789768387898618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815332456852933,0.4805316098664014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627946222352842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116935844962504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608267866372552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230102732983626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mothmanmothstan,2020/01/27,She sent a letter My mother sent me a letter in an envelope with no return address and no handwriting on it so I wouldn’t know it was from her and would read it. My stepmom thinks it’s sweet that she’s trying so hard to reach out but she’s the reason I’m afraid all the time and have constant nightmares. I’ve moved several times in hopes my mother wouldn’t find my address but she keeps finding it and it’s now at the point where I’m afraid to tell any of my other family members where I live because SOMEBODY keeps telling her against my express wishes and I don’t know who. I live across the country from her but it feels like I’m never going to escape.,1.8303010033444809,3.8235944492753684,3.0007246376811594,92.4560367892977,79.14492753623188,5.405574136008919,22.209587513935343,6.297961479604792,0.3343125975473802,526,16,111,4,13,169,81,138,0.049,0.8590000000000001,0.092,0.7665,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,7,0,6,0,0,1,2,26,20,10,0,5,3,2,2,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,10,7,0,2,7,1,0,4,6,2,0,0,3,3,18,3,14,14,1,19,0,0,0,0,17,9,0,1,7,72,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435935743326243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147718722625964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976198665298032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239562175136916,0.0,0.09246567193509547,0.1306439262167289,0.0,0.0,0.3342837299867992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393047759397653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381755889644842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163334331631034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32509040276925283,0.0,0.0,0.20100354180759966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934211284782498,0.0,0.32295898122040184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436419284052572,0.0,0.0,0.141042303554501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287332528255392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829216738089019,0.0,0.0,0.18802306452575315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20659351767975076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196767019606629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717711273243435,0.0,0.0,0.21326848454946776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241582102472448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029398888039005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990715407380532,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Rainbike80,2020/01/27,"Permanent change? Well I just got diagnosed last week after months of no improvement following an accident. What worries me the most is the way it changes your brain.

I remember reading a book about how a defeated lobsters brain melts down and he no longer takes risks or challenges. I don't know if it's like that but it seems everything I touch goes south. Even fixing things around the house. 

It just seems like an additional injustice on top of everything.",4.678571428571427,7.420699952380954,4.378809523809527,82.37035714285716,73.28571428571429,9.438095238095238,29.54761904761905,9.827888789773867,3.276790476190476,372,16,67,11,8,113,67,84,0.174,0.695,0.131,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,3,7,6,0,1,7,0,2,3,2,1,0,14,8,5,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,1,6,4,7,7,1,11,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,5,6,41,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474383617739194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131793386031812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915407386381705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783337404684725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223127586930572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326424158844408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480104667255011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135359503004551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170487781270993,0.15084969950333665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082325493378604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771420343727162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511142954723156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096384332231356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369458040016001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391431035179541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294653737394247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689308519176075,0.14844505169429167,0.0,0.1663923780113578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793878332397373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Notificationpillow,2020/01/27,"I’m damaged Ptsd is like staying/feeling stuck in that moment that made you this way on a endless loop over and over again no matter what you do it’s like you can’t overcome it
You can’t do anything about it no amount of closure will do anything I have to live with the fact I am damaged beyond repair I miss the days I could relax or feel balanced with myself/others but now nighttime is the worst it’s like the pushing back of the memory/pain I suppress during the day is unleashed where I can cry for hours which doesn’t do anything because no amount of tears will fix me Are there even success stories where someone was able to heal this condition",6.767207792207793,6.060488924242427,6.3354978354978355,83.2268181818182,65.06060606060606,8.14891774891775,34.00865800865801,6.1826913282559595,1.9846567099567105,526,20,103,2,7,163,89,132,0.17800000000000002,0.716,0.106,-0.8422,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,4,0,1,10,9,0,0,7,0,18,1,0,1,1,11,23,3,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,1,11,5,14,17,3,16,0,3,0,0,4,7,0,1,10,74,21,1,0.21484838561493905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5304057452767326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520514673849965,0.0,0.13096958172024842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153895354127904,0.0,0.2360008630950379,0.27711886951631937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190533241528386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172675984771974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158238191913706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148922064009492,0.0,0.18971506070288569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329473728549285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22861383023178186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511462654813324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204033992217405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705366481319526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,newprofilewhodis1352,2020/01/28,"Boundaries. Some of us (like myself) are sex trauma survivors. What’re your boundaries in a new relationship? Maybe NSFW/triggering. I’m a three time sexual assault victim/survivor (prefer the term survivor).  Molested at 11, raped in college, raped by an ex

I always told myself it’d never happen again. And it was a totally different situation every time. But I want to be sure it all never happens again.

What boundaries do you create for yourself/significant other when you start having sex/getting close/intimate in multiple ways?",4.997419354838712,8.20417589247312,5.927322580645161,69.13098387096775,75.0215053763441,8.021075268817205,30.805376344086017,8.841846274778883,3.5104976344086007,430,20,58,10,10,141,74,93,0.19699999999999998,0.7440000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.9465,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,3,0,0,3,7,4,0,5,0,6,3,0,0,5,10,12,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,8,2,8,8,4,15,0,0,0,3,7,4,0,1,11,42,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110248940514116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23995457328941155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350551454692752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999224864325116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061899775359824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220436882112722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307327559040313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35426882447622543,0.2218151512754627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465778877021788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25815688035493617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625604605205472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645972888454115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26784295709538863,0.0,0.0,0.2194579780430343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762627812205481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354643602431256,0.18230006880658126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,oxfordcommaonly,2020/01/28,"Doing first real/big session of EDMR tomorrow. What can I expect? I have already done some beginner/setup sessions of EDMR (building the black box/safe space/intuitive self/etc), but have my first ""real"" session tomorrow. 

My therapist has explained it to me, and explained aftercare, but I'm still nervous about it. My therapist explained that I may have other things come up or be particularly raw, have nightmares, etc. 

My PTSD stems from a three-year abusive relationship. I am unsure if I have repressed (or straight up forgotten, due to bad memory) additional potentially triggering events or details. I am worried that this will be opening myself up to remembering more. 

I'd love to hear others' experiences, if possible. What was your reaction in the hours following?",6.5718455228981565,9.161959458646619,7.0472590567327416,66.07250170881753,67.19548872180451,10.550649350649351,37.654818865345185,10.637119530657019,5.013742857142857,620,34,90,19,11,202,94,133,0.17,0.769,0.06,-0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,2,3,0,16,1,0,1,0,21,24,8,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,2,2,13,1,12,18,3,16,0,0,1,1,7,6,0,7,8,68,23,3,0.0,0.19678999444528314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328491420636367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386785673632088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307219457895126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996817024905606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704694560322676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246830600915435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825528614984937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871959801807534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635656123626851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990309326280976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872419987639465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941508188605005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37809453118819947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783189589592213,0.1881480742536201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326853636305195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264002803872976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38568756993679176,0.110343098292652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867288891792614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695678828084647
ptsd,Competitive-Employer,2020/01/28,Decades of harassment Its good to k**l him Nd k**'ll myself...no self respect or esteem remaining...,3.2909803921568614,6.301924764705883,3.278823529411767,81.6480392156863,95.47058823529413,6.972549019607843,29.196078431372552,7.793537801064563,3.0924666666666667,79,4,12,2,3,24,17,17,0.156,0.578,0.267,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6265964039204787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7793439206113846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,chewbarski,2020/01/28,"24 years later; PTSD diagnosis. Hi. I’ve been reading this sub for a while, suspecting I had ptsd. For years I’ve abused various substances, suffered with anxiety, depression and insomnia. Having recently engaged with an addiction counsellor brought up some of my past. When I was 14 my friend was beaten so badly he died of complications relating to brain trauma a few days later. I was sat next to him. I got dragged through a murder trial. Never once did I cry about it. Turning to drugs, drink, petty theft and violence almost immediately after. My mother I suspect is a covert narcissist and my father an emotional black hole. The whole thing got brushed aside while I started to burn my life. 

My whole life I thought I had absolutely no feelings around this. I genuinely felt nothing. Zero. Until I stumbled across it in counselling. Only now am I coming to realise I do have very strong feelings around this. For 20 odd years I’ve been suppressing this with various substances, never realising the reason for my pain. Only now realising why I feel scared when the phone rings (one of my friends rang me to tell me my friend had died).  

My doctor diagnosed me with ptsd today. I thought I’d feel relieved but I just feel incredibly sad that I’ve been carrying this around with me for so long, buried so deep, manifesting in depression, insomnia and substance abuse amongst other things. Thank you for reading. And thank you all for giving me the strength to write this.",3.876025476067937,6.820664309701495,4.437272259392696,79.70947761194032,77.54477611940298,7.726402470406589,29.017498713329893,8.641336200584522,2.7564645908389087,1177,53,199,27,29,373,159,268,0.174,0.725,0.10099999999999999,-0.9538,0,0,2,0,2,0,35.0,0,2,0,3,12,19,2,1,10,0,15,11,1,1,3,34,33,14,3,0,2,2,6,0,3,0,9,2,0,0,12,14,1,1,11,3,0,2,3,10,0,2,17,10,34,9,33,16,7,32,0,4,1,0,14,8,0,2,22,132,46,4,0.0,0.2338866790019124,0.0,0.1075975493862841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988337751040669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550521631609823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635917296113053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241036253075959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018182230582864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502129526938554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841729597726166,0.06365332334639809,0.0,0.17002030028023865,0.10017840442989967,0.20486999784768625,0.0,0.0,0.10102361417422083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668840719152526,0.1144606443131654,0.0,0.0,0.11102419544825977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24952838330177304,0.0,0.09476746124509676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22876608449856115,0.0,0.0,0.09468201667494942,0.0,0.0,0.15787878454216944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394294328265609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734637844013736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522470220421536,0.0,0.10496855091729668,0.0,0.0,0.0947052949830496,0.0,0.0,0.10511225994492804,0.06688166239124904,0.15013156828191962,0.1050237400477358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422030125402626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461249926104111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745338386089328,0.0,0.0,0.1014800202771223,0.09745432527999642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988159006469456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986035548751847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626813491982073,0.1817393659068847,0.0,0.0,0.13114376512483586,0.0,0.0,0.15671352212382447,0.0,0.0,0.09355604254718676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073572383436944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143782210699409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890613822377439,0.2203900109469056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906786578115896
ptsd,zachbraffsipod,2020/01/28,"Repressed memories or psychosis? So I had my first and only intense psychotic episode last summer. Not too long afterwards I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder though this was decided purely upon symptoms I’d been displaying, no meeting with any professionals to go through my history/background, etc, which seemed odd to me. Something that came up during the episode was a distressing childhood memory that I hadn’t thought about in a very long time or, in fact, ever put much thought into before. So I was getting flashbacks, visions, panic attacks, and bodily discomfort/pain in certain areas. But all of this was glossed over and I didn’t tell any doctors since, well, they didn’t ask - they were too busy trying to medicate me. So i’ve been distancing myself from the possibility of PTSD ever since. It was only today (5 months on) that I met with a psychologist for an evaluation of my past / what kind of help will be available to me (which is only art therapy at the moment...) and digging things up felt good in the moment as it was nice to be heard. But I didn’t touch upon the childhood memory. When I got
home I started to think about it again and began to sob, shake and heart rate shot up - the only way to calm down was to dissociate, so that’s where I’m at now (though obviously ive detached myself enough to think / write about it). 

Should I speak up about this more? I’m just so afraid of being shut down. But I’m not sure what kind of answers im looking for. Its possible that the session today just overwhelmed me and I’m feeling lots of emotions right now. I guess I’m thinking that maybe it was unfair of them to diagnose me with bipolar without validating my memories since the entire thing was seemingly based on this psychotic episode I had that was triggered by circumstantial stress - but some of the things I was saying were true, and I think they may have overlooked those things intentionally since I’m a “complex case”, as one doctor put it.

I feel like if i bring things up they’ll only offer me more mind-numbing meds even though i’m not currently in a psychotic episode. Since the diagnosis was so thinly researched I’m almost certain there’s atleast one other condition overlapping. Especially as my current treatment doesn’t seem to be altering very much. Big sigh.",6.944262002498661,7.488979893271463,6.973375870069607,74.59225370337323,64.4524361948956,10.064643940746027,35.13840799571658,9.943994293440598,3.5070327681599154,1838,80,324,37,26,588,232,431,0.061,0.8740000000000001,0.065,0.594,2,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,5,1,27,21,1,7,16,0,35,9,1,2,10,62,67,28,0,2,13,0,5,1,0,4,8,3,1,0,29,14,0,1,15,1,0,6,10,9,2,3,31,9,35,11,58,28,9,59,0,2,1,0,15,27,1,11,26,225,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119924284400004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028703951977677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580756999288536,0.09225081042467154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900104067208337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274458214234192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460791021010285,0.0,0.0,0.09293538847804904,0.16599671461853474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912145731382875,0.0,0.08378694636343678,0.09043602923505296,0.053558732534248234,0.14669986874258711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820023955205882,0.057930227974261714,0.07785846580531285,0.0,0.0,0.0689745360294966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042365824005423436,0.0,0.04608493050419368,0.0680138761953325,0.06485453860513146,0.0,0.08932903048224505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609123722387444,0.054352463373760575,0.0,0.08133920177480634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759038296171197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888410139757998,0.0,0.0660986204317268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039616146841689015,0.0,0.0,0.14352299681028366,0.06809460777113258,0.0,0.0,0.06893924194351762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146512328458068,0.0,0.09007195667289053,0.08168896107608785,0.0,0.0,0.08187709944362083,0.0,0.06472472333403041,0.0,0.11921996413187393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989644664689098,0.3083604177478327,0.08628475603144617,0.09514084791834014,0.0,0.0,0.07740893347749604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283205374719075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478907826046737,0.16303433164211464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924983808490975,0.0,0.06448548369179767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146202025684655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353896263435338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242652188696441,0.0,0.0,0.057395439609852175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928875445953223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642572651045929,0.0842828543013421,0.0,0.0,0.07087564174977304,0.0,0.09273270692766904,0.0,0.2693607124850648,0.20783505366165192,0.23900954201326105,0.12875172810582414,0.04728383587148335,0.0,0.15372639181926834,0.0,0.0,0.05505432692345257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338143663335629,0.0,0.06436492955639424,0.0,0.0,0.07290903908404453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816721291102262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cv851,2020/01/28,"Is this a symptom of PTSD? The traumatic event happened a while ago (in public) and nowadays, going out to public triggers suicidal thoughts. It also triggers anxiety but the suicidal thoughts are much, much worse. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety many years ago so I don’t know if it’s my depression getting worse or something else. I know I should speak to my psychiatrist but my appointment is next week.",5.995315315315317,8.3390142972973,6.122702702702704,73.13288288288291,68.18918918918922,10.33873873873874,38.009009009009006,10.504223727775694,4.790106306306306,334,19,53,10,6,106,53,74,0.31,0.69,0.0,-0.98,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,2,0,14,13,8,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,7,0,6,9,2,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,7,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181181048896283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349478257576226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745358647030249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454783269242645,0.1821236083186223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498956260466606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374782448074434,0.0,0.10197752734754742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867452752341807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722649848408255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191978599590675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26381198842266784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908320596822092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097509037075796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381384820003336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925473875302467,0.0,0.0,0.18650255051729628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849040397871681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393261361990958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36572091687534297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555080288220206
ptsd,aiden_irl427,2020/01/28,"Time Jumps - Advice on Coping Hey there,
I have PTSD from long term abuse. I am 28 now and the abuse started when I was 5. Within the last year I have been jumped in a gas station parking lot and had a random guy kick in my apartment door and try to get to me from my bedroom. I lost my job and was unemployed for about 6 months. 

After being jumped, I got night terrors, flashbacks of old trauma. I got very depressed amd had to dp a stint in a mental health hospital. I went to  therapy and I took my meds amd things got better.

Recently, with the guy kicking down my door and coming at me I have time jumps. It sounds scifi like and unreal but one moment I will be at my work desk and the next I am 6 and crying under a table. When I click back into reality after what my friends call me ""zoning out"" I can't remember what I said or did. And I am crying. Not wailing or bawling just tears and no expression. 

I have read that other people experience similar instances in here. So I am looking for advice on coping. Or any suggestion really.

Thanks for reading.",2.0557009345794413,4.07420358878505,3.856831775700937,86.4688925233645,78.53271028037383,6.522990654205607,22.382242990654206,7.554174236665415,0.993011962616822,824,25,165,12,20,277,135,214,0.126,0.8170000000000001,0.057,-0.9128,3,0,0,0,2,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,9,8,0,1,9,0,18,1,0,0,0,24,30,18,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,3,2,6,15,0,0,1,2,0,7,3,4,0,1,13,4,28,4,27,14,2,40,0,2,2,0,8,14,0,5,20,115,34,6,0.0,0.303234544786729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500912935795929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702040007292715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839697357551687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317439898705013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066629000066002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023027851868124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811264799942215,0.0,0.0,0.11021582883640756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517405408193955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886522794085874,0.0,0.06685628647616511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30703523753314343,0.0,0.0,0.25341038968747137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360205171733515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269852427865481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430832887133548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251710015107285,0.0,0.0,0.11324475347673756,0.10745813899538803,0.0,0.1396886119738208,0.10879103185235936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213996021936487,0.0,0.12895834365727568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214022143783902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609193516347629,0.12008622443054966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427745132298144,0.0,0.08671220839227133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871462700909133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958391391566422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559987051300501,0.0,0.0819774785939517,0.0,0.12634972667056385,0.0,0.14495908648612618,0.0,0.12172375566914502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057408991951832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117812724790009,0.14633881355105574,0.0,0.08501407623758288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492345186682162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217351623407978,0.08687964742703004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558429843212684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862458070218156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093159842755771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240508644155414
ptsd,mar_tara,2020/01/28,"Does someone know good grounding techniques for ""overthinking""? Soo idk how to discribe this properly.

I have occasionally problems going out, like going to work or even stepping in front of my door.

I get panic and panic attacks just thinking of being outside, thinking of triggering situations that may occur.

I cannot go outside on those days because I only calm down when reassuring myself my surroundings are save, which works when I get panic attacks in the moment. But thinking of going out again sends me into a never ending spiral.

Does someone have an idea what to do? I cannot skip work so often and recently it happens a lot.
Thank you in advance!",5.457731092436976,7.851031117647063,6.106462184873951,72.47750840336138,69.75630252100841,7.449075630252103,32.90840336134454,8.238735603445708,2.9969489075630253,529,25,78,8,10,172,87,119,0.152,0.726,0.122,-0.6198,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,4,8,12,2,3,4,0,8,0,0,2,1,21,20,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,8,3,6,0,0,0,0,11,6,16,18,1,26,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,4,9,59,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236160536408386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670255341970026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172707613576724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489341995985217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597424032022764,0.0,0.0,0.09394207802050493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861940736090026,0.0,0.3233320829036513,0.11929641650748915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257741946248842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056121984109356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816630807947553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948676679557213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209195090864243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969713322198983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081729049655114,0.0,0.5006314676528121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609563218673526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043572031693288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987333764599534,0.0,0.0,0.2410233290712651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094697791886925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734071910774837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106370698243914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ConvalescenceCorps,2020/01/28,"Hi everybody I just wanted to say hi.

I am not very talkative of my PTSD, but Im happy I found a community.

It is non-combat.  

Does anyone have flashbacks, but instead of **the** event(s), it is something as simple as an embarrassing moment from the past?

Its weird, I feel like my brain got used to the pattern and has developed a muscle memory.  I suppose it is better than reliving the event but it almost feels as bad and Im afraid of it snowballing to include more and more stuff.  

My symptoms havent gotten worse but I live a very minimal life. Going out in public has me checking exits and examining everyone’s body language for signs of a gun, and keeping track of the trajectory of every person in my peripheral vision.

Does anyone else spend so much more time in their peripheral vision that they struggle seeing whats in front of them?

Thanks everybody",2.7409823848238446,5.4392398597561,4.512113821138211,78.94088075880761,80.28048780487805,7.059078590785908,24.96476964769648,8.167268648758528,2.003621680216801,683,26,118,14,18,230,109,164,0.09,0.77,0.14,0.8701,0,0,1,1,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,1,3,9,0,3,10,0,8,4,2,1,0,21,19,13,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,9,6,0,1,4,0,2,2,2,5,0,0,3,4,14,4,21,16,4,12,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,1,5,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580821735477582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22077019756902344,0.16175460158806712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318133322136466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962157202767309,0.0,0.17535595392072262,0.0,0.17623309377000146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27630300811188585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318786032575787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301074648501962,0.15084980678686566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964578567465548,0.11278105597465085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309430579934298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972012209395419,0.0,0.1262616013160736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680536081488403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34104943926804354,0.0,0.0,0.14032048780713266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150696092780794,0.07712641621982944,0.0,0.13940049106496585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160512733872432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070303647591968,0.0,0.13784440140863755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453944883194764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255431093595615,0.0,0.0,0.1258004964489477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215346340836876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503809367453864,0.18072129108331106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408548077674207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534380555382362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205420255703613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363474162498399,0.0,0.2605155558231743,0.09311474001266308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088115768163794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sheepieweepie,2020/01/28,"(Warning) Rape victim insists she has ""bad morals"" and due to a past experience feels that men are ""entitled to rape"". What do I make of this? Should I do something? I have recently met a **young** adult who has disclosed some troubling aspects of her thinking, and I am in a position where I am feeling uncomfortable and unsure about what it could mean.

Hints at sexual trauma ranging from incest to rape have apparently lead her to conclude that her 'morals' are simply not good and that she insists she believes that men are entitled to rape and has continually gotten herself into trouble in the past by dating 43/45 year olds, some who have even encouraged discussion about taking kids?

The thing is though she talks as if she knows why it's wrong, but is very convicted that she feels the way she does.

Otherwise she appears to have average, troubled teen habits and behaviours. 

I'm sorry if this is a rough topic or not allowed, I'm just very concerned right now as to the proximity of this person to my current living situation. Does this sound like a familiar situation and should I be addressing it or just hoping it won't progress into something tangible.",8.054014084507045,8.260105727699536,7.841420187793427,70.45818661971833,62.14553990610329,11.043661971830986,36.998826291079816,10.686352973137794,4.086837558685447,932,41,157,21,12,298,128,213,0.153,0.789,0.057999999999999996,-0.9541,3,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,8,15,5,0,9,0,22,5,0,4,0,35,36,15,0,6,9,0,4,1,0,3,0,2,1,5,18,9,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,11,0,0,2,6,19,4,22,29,2,21,2,0,0,5,23,7,0,8,12,112,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421662917925914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811062809812658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834301555025746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813407244781531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617155992184928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724094065596864,0.0,0.0,0.24383481006151636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348265537720186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965756387032734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883420830899474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785326296806139,0.0,0.1419421215021535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729954981024084,0.0,0.0,0.1751000839098481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867643146790126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069014829257582,0.0,0.14035766031855654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871779514545986,0.0,0.0,0.13727664912736448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613716452830197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475010477515032,0.0,0.17994256777842105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086137731773683,0.12920196319562055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679284468844642,0.1029998788693729,0.15793263899917692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652654262216398,0.0,0.12759310483855232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504873109293615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575108437818926,0.0,0.103515488109256
ptsd,PutinsSpliffRoller,2020/01/28,Doxazosin. Has anyone been prescribed Doxazosin to trial? Apparently it can stop nightmares and flashbacks but it seems a bit too good to be true. If anyone’s had any experience taking it I’d really like some advice!,3.725384615384616,6.9406671794871855,5.3032820512820535,70.93338461538463,82.33333333333333,8.248205128205129,25.748717948717946,8.841846274778883,3.057877948717948,176,7,26,5,5,59,34,39,0.035,0.7090000000000001,0.256,0.8986,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263212087823535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270898897284821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669956588804066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36457476767093455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326656302597007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800920890153196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314566891848184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392979759364705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040054145870017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791878565670862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25108047863802363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AberrantLycosidae,2020/01/28,"My dog locked herself in a room. i was cleaning my lounge room. i heard the door click. i knew it was her. rationally. she does it a few times a day. but what if it wasn’t? i left the backdoor open so my dogs could get in and out. a door clicked. it wasn’t my dog. what if it was my abuser? panic. nausea. dizzyness. i’ve dropped what i’m holding and i’m standing in the corner. facing the room. it’s been seconds. or minutes. i don’t know. it kicks in. he’s right there.  i’m begging my abuser. it’s not real. he’s in front of me with a gun. he’s going to kill me. it’s not real. and i am begging. but he’s shouting. he’s pointing the gun at me. it’s. not. real.

its not real.

i am standing in my empty house shaking. facing the room. i think i’m going to throw up.

i go let my dog out of the room. i lock my backdoor.

i dissociate on my bedroom floor for an hour. images in my head of my abuser.",-3.231718604651164,-2.346971329999997,0.26595348837209265,101.44006976744188,119.8,2.26046511627907,14.651162790697676,4.361142546834038,-1.3209255813953489,674,20,166,2,43,238,94,200,0.188,0.812,0.0,-0.9902,0,0,0,2,3,1,40.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,13,0,11,3,3,0,0,25,23,9,1,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,14,7,0,1,3,0,0,6,7,3,0,1,8,4,29,0,19,13,1,35,0,0,2,0,9,23,0,3,3,102,43,0,0.0,0.5066555439935639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380564102684633,0.0,0.0,0.09192574029067543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473667288757012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447064497614023,0.0,0.24302427101773544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462859411611072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037201526066198,0.16447064872338113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769807400971747,0.0,0.07833560207848972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486883376102176,0.14575559017952472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723858143650527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474524774575342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6489614844499033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172736463278346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133311376672723,0.0,0.0,0.08311552618083265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,peeych,2020/01/28,"I dream about it every night It’s really taking its toll. I’m tired constantly because I wake up in a panic every night then can’t sleep for an hour or so. Why do I keep dreaming about it? I didn’t have it half as bad as other people - I grew up with a very controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive father. He never physically or sexually assaulted me, but these dreams have this incorporated into them. It freaks me out so much and makes me feel disgusting and dirty. I wake up every morning feeling sick. I don’t know how to stop it.",2.405692438402717,4.841772644859817,4.635412064570943,79.15434154630417,79.56074766355141,7.629226847918438,22.811384876805445,8.575989854853784,1.7508392523364489,431,14,82,10,11,149,76,107,0.247,0.6940000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.9668,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,2,1,3,0,6,5,3,4,1,19,13,12,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,6,0,3,3,3,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,2,11,0,13,12,1,14,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,7,56,21,0,0.0,0.2235542662435507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753943922798894,0.1150172265843554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20389542947558534,0.21162001954338772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223895823937314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47691166122519396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908039735277484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581122763629185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677069427658768,0.0,0.0,0.10369327791442856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594498170524174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870108754619231,0.0,0.14552120473744914,0.0,0.0,0.3541257188545067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137465268390608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080655675319786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087287144976568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881568762090972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774444830387285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418634466041337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168592438581124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568028622487745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025383439329989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,beaconbadge,2020/01/28,does mental illness justify being abusive? my dad has schizophrenia(bipolar? he probably has schizoaffective disorder) and abused me(i think?) for 12~ years. hes stable now but will still yell and scream at me sometimes. its nowhere as bad as it was before but i will still get scared and angry(?) at him. whenever i confront him abt his actions in the past he never seems to remember what hes done or just says it was because he's schizophrenic. am i just overreacting? i dont even know if i can trust my own memories anymore and i just want to fucking break down and cry or curl up and die. is everything hes done to me ok because he was unstable? do i even have a right to be upset?,2.73959242250287,5.067589664179106,3.9285074626865684,85.25627439724455,77.73134328358208,7.705166475315733,26.7256027554535,8.617729084823388,2.123968541905856,541,22,106,12,13,176,93,134,0.21600000000000005,0.6920000000000001,0.092,-0.9642,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,2,2,2,1,20,3,0,0,1,20,26,13,1,2,8,1,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,3,17,2,12,17,1,14,0,0,0,1,12,6,1,4,6,73,21,0,0.0,0.393434262240545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465608385099045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386272203343404,0.2024193876795448,0.0,0.14127838961625008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237498193122825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231181528249293,0.0,0.19028353622862745,0.0,0.14529303425272916,0.33981047590763597,0.19458466778106154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932108294672148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921609540383926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534910691210415,0.0867432625936216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124515711796202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731810959152765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805174508246564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584933988979194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900726621243065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807841067990486,0.14178779784375556,0.0,0.13203286792293328,0.16622392149297294,0.0,0.0,0.15114650097206014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420685571790858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651818336703737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638463348207404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792816373982753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691718653560242
ptsd,imsorryguya,2020/01/28,"Customer Made Me Feel Like Crap I work nights at a truck stop in the middle of nowhere. Customers are often chatty just because they're usually alone on long trips, this time of night. I usually don't mind it. But this guy comes in and is pretty friendly. We get through him buying his snacks just fine. But then he mentions his ex wife was in Iraq and came back with PTSD. He said ""You can only handle that so long, ya know?"" 
I have PTSD from years of abuse from my mum. I know he didn't mean anything by it, but I'm constantly worried my partner is going to leave because I'm too hard to handle. This didn't help.",2.27751082251082,4.0622773571428565,2.9248917748917767,94.49435064935066,77.01587301587301,5.534199134199136,22.56565656565657,6.1124844417494595,0.21702539682539745,481,14,105,3,11,150,93,126,0.127,0.815,0.057999999999999996,-0.7742,0,1,0,0,1,0,15.0,1,2,0,1,6,4,1,0,2,0,9,2,1,1,0,19,21,7,0,0,5,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,6,6,1,1,4,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,6,3,13,3,15,15,0,22,0,0,0,0,18,6,1,1,13,57,19,1,0.0,0.18545682122072826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621129492315942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880694057906225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035825238770086,0.0,0.19083267419929328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902318253422106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483263966991685,0.0,0.16914818423004765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914386739591253,0.11182166696237178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093101672218727,0.0,0.08177798065330834,0.0,0.08895690438355587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549846023275421,0.0,0.0,0.14021587565516475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491557293138072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204436334054748,0.0,0.0,0.1657376349707521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647032876224794,0.0,0.0,0.2770398341586299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810797231413725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705018797579963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804587805001205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293776679974931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904450282189805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592424469450192,0.0,0.0,0.365939272520091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488913527931017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308621143279019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127112964018752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34478088932726597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139522432383786,0.15895898515070755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100797126492422
ptsd,Necessary-Chicken,2020/01/28,"I had a panic attack last night I had a panic attack last night and it was horrible. I have had them even before that, but last night was the worst one ever. I got it after my little brother scared me for the 2nd time last night. I had to be calmed down by my foster parents and of course my little brother in the beginning. I hope they don’t have to go through PTSD when they got older...",2.8807407407407415,3.929953061728393,4.0972222222222205,89.73250000000004,73.93827160493828,6.387654320987655,20.907407407407405,6.42735559955562,0.1966444444444444,302,6,65,2,6,99,51,81,0.21899999999999997,0.7,0.081,-0.8881,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,3,8,2,3,5,0,10,0,0,0,1,5,15,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,8,0,13,2,9,6,1,19,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,14,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228394921389619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073748092340712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371665100482916,0.1283471410811669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063905070721343,0.0,0.2269639281194628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092825050823718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462635394811832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28442103186606393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326145903403189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614797111275657,0.0,0.0,0.3329534221133809,0.1575514553007067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658611872625105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205610358941492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273688593552572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,emilykowtiuk,2020/01/28,"Recommendations for types of long term therapy for treatment of PTSD? I’ve completed two years of DBT group and individual therapy and I’ve reached pretty much what I think would be an appropriate end for my sessions, I can continue to see my therapist but I feel like I’ve gotten all of the skills and techniques that she’s able to provide, she doesn’t seem very experienced in dealing with patients long term so i get the feeling like it would be better for me to move on to a program that is less skill-focused since those normally have an “end” to what the treatment can offer you once you have mastered the skills. I think I am able to be skillful in my daily life but I still would like to see a therapist regularly to be able to vent/get advice on family and friend crises because I seem to always be having to deal with really heavy stuff in my personal life with family and friend trauma. Is there a specific type of therapy that’s good for long term? I know most DBT therapists will see you long term but most Programs have a specific time limit/goal for you to master the skills, I think I’m living my day to day life skillfully but I would still like to be able to talk to a professional weekly/bi weekly. Does anyone have any suggestions? 

(this isn’t really relevant but I thought I’d mention that I’m from Toronto Canada just in case anyone has more specific suggestions).",5.485666666666668,6.464763122222222,6.211851851851853,77.24333333333334,67.77777777777777,10.0,30.185185185185183,10.125756701596842,2.9941851851851853,1113,41,210,27,18,365,135,270,0.013999999999999999,0.853,0.133,0.9843,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,8,5,9,0,0,12,0,24,3,0,0,1,31,40,11,0,5,6,0,2,4,2,5,3,0,0,1,10,8,0,0,9,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,6,24,8,37,27,10,25,0,0,3,0,17,6,0,4,22,129,34,6,0.3545089622277044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660551373909248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374496392357546,0.0,0.0,0.06026956273628696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239404545667726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054026343235196034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838359205629136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292397552012244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431447642108095,0.18274158681023445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775582954598007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699485834951818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709974954930526,0.0,0.08962519155240649,0.126630636724856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369463724098106,0.0,0.09260815047307487,0.0,0.050368903224061234,0.07433632448820209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870721360750923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878001230727394,0.17319517200510054,0.0,0.0782594771380836,0.3137292758250589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419673079588166,0.06515121939033804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683587840087317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438511871290174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738588794227884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016576571451684,0.0,0.0,0.10360050145166172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355375946192428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118733083490605,0.1613658223933182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733133692373226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415556575864699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145698655615276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123521881945226,0.0,0.0,0.3040589205523453,0.30870917169168105,0.0,0.1703662714132557,0.0,0.07036012924336259,0.05167925669013244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865759359823877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312675525496308,0.0,0.0,0.07109142646202607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518329954075354,0.0,0.0,0.057073037160438524
ptsd,avacadomonster101,2020/01/28,"Kinda accepted I have ptsd plz respond... Cw: Sexual assult

Hi there, so I was diagnosed with Ptsd among a lot of other stuff since I was 14. I'm 19 now. I always just have been in denial about the fact that I have Ptsd, and it never seemed to be an issue... -well it did but it was easy to downplay.

I'm 19 and have slept with 18 people. Never enjoyed a single one. Flash forward to tonight, and the dude kinda picked up on the fact that my breathing was weird during sex and that my eyes were open the whole time. 

Background: I was abused sexually as a child (not saying more don't want to trigger anyone) and whenever I have sex, I kinda go back to when I was molested, and it like puts me in the zone, and I just lose all my color in my face, and get nervous.",2.0858471275559864,3.5351339430379767,3.713291139240507,90.08745374878286,76.65822784810126,6.380525803310612,21.01460564751704,7.010146845296331,0.3920597857838359,585,14,128,6,13,195,100,158,0.134,0.797,0.069,-0.9127,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,1,1,9,0,16,7,4,2,5,29,23,12,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,9,11,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,4,1,1,10,3,15,4,16,12,5,17,0,1,2,2,4,8,0,5,9,91,24,0,0.0,0.21303883192672907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961167850696602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572342880164614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825849776051474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249769807415825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939403865602342,0.0,0.1021869935920821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766909635701046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784335571659964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011551500732495,0.0,0.15286328519219908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773525014643368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184012611537436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465374303659747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6305452233623514,0.180753101073746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298768896258615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368718796134155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873607152298407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058330392656425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048454013133131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106053303528034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166576423519066,0.0,0.0,0.2007452100342316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dchang0834,2020/01/28,"Hit?                    TRIGGER WARMING (just in case)
                                            Sorry










So I've been hit with a ruler once I think and I was hit until it broke. I only recall this once but is this okay? I've heard many of my friends say that they've been hit too (as it's sort of asain culture). I remeber I was in trouble because I lied to my mother due to being afraid of being caught and hit again.

Is this okay?

I feel like I did something to deserve it in a way
Anyways when she was yelling at me I only heard a ringing noise and my vision started to turn black. I wasn't really able to see her but I heard her clearly. I remember that I didn't say anything cause I was too scared admit it to her and getting into more trouble.
Right now I haven't been spanked (or hit) but I just remember it vividly and I don't have the guys to tell my mother about it. I remember my mother saying how ""liars go to hell"", ""why'd you lie about your grades? I would have found out anyways"", ""why do I take you to tutor when you'll just get B's?"", ""look at me"" and ""why are you crying?""

Anyways I feel guilty... I recently heard she had rheumatism (I think) right after I was born. I'm the only child right now and I just feel like I have to get good grades so I can do something... I guess

Anyways is this okay? Are all families like this? I'm sure it's normal 

Right?",-0.5925579536370904,1.5605939208633115,1.4713069544364537,98.26816746602721,91.80575539568346,4.096083133493205,18.15387689848121,5.648184324379264,-0.4725494804156676,1002,29,232,7,36,331,132,278,0.08,0.7759999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.9488,0,0,2,0,1,0,44.0,0,5,0,0,20,17,2,2,5,3,29,0,0,3,3,38,59,18,0,2,8,3,4,3,1,2,0,9,0,2,14,10,0,0,10,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,18,17,45,10,26,31,2,25,1,1,4,0,26,11,1,3,14,149,59,3,0.11389148518927768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937229881273268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942719226883683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699792814285967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510444854828046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736675615384172,0.0,0.17276087090380546,0.1627281995516295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248761349676371,0.08799227893719166,0.0,0.17851080094109426,0.0,0.06472715566337266,0.09552677423185077,0.0,0.0,0.12546431117556486,0.1127704763311788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669248803470599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564016325547718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546809000647625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158947403353502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24258142942121855,0.0,0.2598588198999712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296180177040314,0.0,0.1124541016532613,0.0,0.3870505527038665,0.3890508242365619,0.0,0.2717132408760196,0.11402524520470005,0.0,0.0907567681155585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753584590664746,0.0,0.12749219323616756,0.08061297941322798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734137694053134,0.0,0.08563222289212055,0.0,0.09954617802584144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595412994535148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388123112267115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040175973097388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553870139202468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090524337211615,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,roseyyamber,2020/01/28,"I have PTSD & CTSD(among other things) & I'm terrified to go to a therapist. I dont want to get into details as they're very triggering. I'm finally open about my abuse and not ashamed after getting out of my situation 10 years ago at the age of 15. I've been working on my mental health and next step is to see a therapist. The options I have aren't the best, as its State Aid. And also my options are only woman where as I prefer men. I will be moving within the next 6 months(at least try to) and I'll have alot more resources there. Anyways among those issues, my main concern is if going through therapy will trigger anything. Alot of my childhood I blocked out and I'm glad. If I remember something small it's usually awful and I hate it. Sometimes remembering it and talking to someone helps but I still hate the experience. I dont know if I'm asking for advice or just venting. I just dont know what to do. I dont think I could handle the unresolved issues if triggered and they came out in therapy.",2.6908834688346914,4.60441288780488,4.450691056910569,83.43820460704606,76.21951219512195,7.287262872628727,28.462059620596207,8.167268648758528,2.0766856368563693,802,35,156,14,18,271,126,205,0.102,0.8690000000000001,0.028999999999999998,-0.9147,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,2,8,5,2,1,10,1,17,1,0,3,0,40,34,18,0,7,9,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,14,0,1,6,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,2,1,20,2,26,28,6,28,0,0,1,0,6,12,0,10,10,107,28,1,0.0,0.1285281194481363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600297428759048,0.09615877379481552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674943127318266,0.0,0.2350706890216687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926775373115445,0.0,0.101411835147036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138404617181904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406938087954313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661047054854315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085393688066622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611182697648308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883181769891644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335005093316047,0.0,0.12330054572366635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141981800321976,0.0,0.11530652809329205,0.0,0.0,0.07271019313786772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264446891221553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923281298720415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931982310309343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529443336150752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307341402797168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250203997687625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268044125302022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457677610060599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644253653723367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193327430664685,0.0,0.0,0.09191264825853196,0.08351129243422292,0.10728703822449788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663028532228625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719011923002773,0.0,0.0,0.24810698954127594,0.25190151663061633,0.07206764224783152,0.06950801285969503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364911349376037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947265955277947,0.08950531233357012,0.06398285017075521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897292444635322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985596446963649
ptsd,hmmmdying,2020/01/28,"I had a nightmare. This is rare for me. But this one was brutal. 
In my dream, I was required to watch something that had to do with my rapist. Idk why or what it was. It seemed like a documentary styled thing for a school assignment, and it honored him. I ended up scheduling a surgery to surgically remove my eyes so I could complete the assignment without having to look at him. Idk why I was at school. I’m a full-on adult. :/",0.9980232558139548,3.3894039186046534,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488373,85.3953488372093,5.765581395348837,22.55348837209302,7.1686216300943375,0.7980362790697679,331,12,71,5,10,108,58,86,0.159,0.7490000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.7096,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,6,0,10,2,1,0,0,8,13,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,6,3,11,2,12,6,0,7,0,0,3,1,3,4,0,2,3,52,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27951819186729143,0.0,0.0,0.21285320105424269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361226943460686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024410828324634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238713801089712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065064169692774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5396136694775411,0.0,0.24269669184994935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523668565959904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711286231016726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4811182998875017,0.0,0.0,0.2569866015305983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,---kali---,2020/01/28,"hey there hi im new here and dont kno how this works but ill give it a go. im 16 and i have ptsd caused by my abusive parents
i was wondering if there was a chat room thing for ppl with ptsd that i could join
my parents never fought for me and im all alone just need some support from ppl who understand",-1.3505797101449275,0.6212107536231883,0.7391304347826129,103.4185507246377,93.63768115942028,4.22608695652174,16.36231884057971,5.82211442006289,-0.8426985507246374,238,6,62,2,9,78,52,69,0.16,0.722,0.11800000000000001,-0.6378,2,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,2,16,12,6,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,5,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,2,36,11,1,0.0,0.20236359452475164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689162851804194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754530341662354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636553789893233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001699220974573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384168019281314,0.09706646976023436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5534622163485752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664198299630114,0.13172727394144318,0.1649544254402007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37929423616736496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992993413642179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381561342889614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346829936370405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780313351838675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852193867572556,0.12434045506706745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sillysnufkin,2020/01/28,"Why can't I handle anything? My apartment is a disaster. I owe tons of money in student loans and think I got booted out of the recovery program I was in but can't bring myself to check because I don't know what I'll do if that's the case. I avoid everything that causes anxiety. I don't answer or return most calls. I don't read most of my mail. My parents want me to move back with one of them because they don't think I can handle it on my own and they ""feel helpless"" with me far away. I don't want to move in with either of them, but I fear that they're right. Basically I'm a disaster of a human being.",2.041428571428576,2.974056338345868,4.2360977443609045,88.38061278195492,75.84210526315789,7.124511278195487,23.82631578947369,7.554174236665415,0.9316171428571433,475,14,108,6,10,165,77,133,0.172,0.805,0.023,-0.9659,2,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,2,5,0,12,0,0,1,0,22,22,6,0,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,1,4,3,7,3,0,1,2,1,22,0,18,19,5,14,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,4,2,75,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544320436382287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779688204430289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031894022364962,0.1662955125843998,0.0,0.2636679807513235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083217484819329,0.0,0.0,0.22216516653924231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436629574738576,0.0,0.0,0.243359826095637,0.1093507901238018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729679967167589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885435780844175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597139157503821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465477099338958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24013824424848185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163249251658738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469032428763624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27714955385197704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551190524579831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951467882801375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Sage311,2020/01/29,"Flashbacks to my moms death My mom died in October 2018. It was unexpected. She fell at home. I was in the shower and my father started screaming to call 911 that my mom fell and hit her head. I rush down and she was lucid. She started panicking. We thought she was having a panic attack. As we waited for the ambulance she was talking to us just panicking and saying she was short of breath. She seemed fine. Paramedics came and it all went down hill so fast. No pulse, cardiac arrest, she was blue. Watching the ambulance in our drive moving up and down as they were doing cpr. Then following the ambulance to the hospital and then being led into the family room. I don’t recall much after that besides seeing my mom with all the equipment and intubated to say our goodbyes. Anyway all of this replays in my fucking head. Yesterday I was behind an ambulance and flashed back to following my moms ambulance. Then came a full blown panic attack. 
I’m leaning towards I may have PTSD. Any advice to stop the flashbacks?   I’m sorry this is written so jumbled just writing that has my anxiety through the roof!",2.8999854379030587,5.644180392344499,3.9319034741002703,83.05767214478885,80.00478468899522,6.696983565633452,26.790305804035782,7.893859768569023,2.027975494071146,878,37,153,16,23,283,123,209,0.174,0.818,0.008,-0.9875,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,5,0,1,0,6,7,3,2,12,0,17,4,3,1,3,27,33,16,2,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,7,15,0,2,2,0,0,11,2,6,0,0,14,6,28,1,27,16,5,35,0,0,3,1,26,14,1,2,10,115,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175897501470304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777408464181178,0.0,0.08749112011118826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602199630885027,0.0,0.08794184518741605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678239918256235,0.26161278833908685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186958097956552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781586488305976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573126814231848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347488933093609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472031511729533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6697314318964572,0.0,0.12155496375436615,0.08407355589342322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683721456705834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368993905085166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189986742421166,0.0,0.0,0.0911363982567347,0.1041162284852398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280254854668416,0.1619003573840668,0.0,0.0,0.09561667414421757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192457496636856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079532684061456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375704856774493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602017656088862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwawaybfneedshelp,2020/01/29,"Gf has nightmares Throw away because she knows my main account. 
My gf has nightmares and I need advice if I’m doing the right thing. Its a sensitive topic so for now asking her is not possible.Ive discovered that if I catch the nightmare early on I can circumvent a major sleep disturbance. 
I will notice a change in her breathing or movement and can get her settled down without waking. I might do this 3-4 times during the night until around 4:30 and then I know she will be fine until morning. 
If I don’t catch it, or just leave her alone. It will generally escalate to the point where she’s like screaming, jumping out of bed and fighting me. This major disturbance only ever happens once in a night. If she wakes up fully then she’s difficult to deal with, she won’t go back to bed or sleep or she wants to drive home. We have a much easier night if I can get her calmed down without waking her up. 
It’s feels like I’m doing good short term because I get her to sleep through the night and she gets more rest. But I’m wondering if I’m “suppressing” her nightmares and prolonging them or making them worse. 
Any information, suggestions and techniques would be much appreciated.",4.625227621483376,6.094134617391305,5.180383631713557,82.019168797954,70.21739130434783,8.194373401534527,28.312020460358056,8.671277953709913,2.1198132992327365,942,34,178,16,17,302,134,230,0.085,0.8340000000000001,0.081,0.0094,0,1,0,0,2,0,20.0,1,0,2,0,7,10,1,2,10,0,19,7,7,1,1,40,37,24,0,9,16,0,1,2,2,6,0,1,3,0,8,11,0,1,5,0,1,7,5,5,0,0,0,2,31,5,23,29,8,35,0,0,0,0,26,14,0,13,16,124,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518586365316028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268147386536686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711797826025425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404347061521601,0.11976388637068493,0.0,0.12036188373401052,0.09850730860399212,0.0,0.15618715589622365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355215034371948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207394300036332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588121352742545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477536201314324,0.09152053338721301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26772501652075953,0.0,0.07280685003916043,0.10745109150777564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132856701953558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850298353784947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080984774166178,0.0,0.0,0.13564810082792486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251744043302719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855132273491077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590256984777654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834855461990024,0.09499061712503906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4808835206700622,0.0,0.0,0.14585205026978634,0.0,0.13643106647547354,0.0,0.0974320692137588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110367007826943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940371443600984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846021954346662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510940468297729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470092956434188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556154354580623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469834927004637,0.13892789290978544,0.0,0.0,0.13055321424092034,0.09100439933140284,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ECT_blooper,2020/01/29,"Institutional Abuse (I added a trigger warning because I wasn't sure what kind of details I can go into here)

First time posting here, I made this post because I feel so so alone with this, I don't feel like I can stand it anymore, just needed to get it off my chest. Sorry if it's long.

I had a relatively messed up childhood, although I know people who had it worse. My mother had alcohol and addiction issues, as well as an eating disorder, I along with my siblings did a lot of caring for her, because of all the abuse to her body she died when I was 16, this along with bullying in school and by my then stepmother left me quite a bit messed up. 

By the time I was 17 I was severely depressed, self harming and tried to kill myself. That's when I entered the mental health system and that's where I feel the real trauma started. I had my first psychiatric inpatient admission when I was 17 and many more followed. I saw a lot of things on those adult psych wards that a teenage girl shouldn't have to see, I saw people quite graphically attempt suicide in front of me, I was felt up by an older man on one occasion but those weren't the worst things.

Now days my local mental health trust has a policy called ""no hands first"" aimed at reducing the amount of physical restraint on wards, and truth be told from what I can tell it's gotten a lot better, but back then it was pretty bad. The first time I ever got restrained I had self harmed earlier in the evening, as a punishment they made me stay in a single room. It was getting close to 10pm so I asked staff if I could go to the other room to take my lenses out (you can't sleep in them) they ignored me. They continued to ignore me until 12pm, I just wanted to go to sleep so I thought screw it and walked out of the room to get my lenses. They were on me instantly, 4 or 5 of them, they threw me face down onto a mattress, one of them was twisting my arm behind my back, I started to scream and cry that they were hurting me. Someone else pressed my face into the matress, I couldn't breathe and I was in so much pain. Whenever I could force my head out of the matress I would tell them I couldn't breathe, I was fighting like crazy. They just laughed at me and called me a baby. ( Now face down restraint is banned in this trust because people have died). Eventually a nurse came in, yanked my pants down in front if male staff and injected me with sedatives.

This one event started a horrible pattern, the staff in this hospital were already very hands on and used restraint like a weapon or a punishment but I made it so much worse. I've heard people say that flight fight or freeze are the bodies natural defence mechanisms, well I would fight every time one of them came anywhere near me, because I knew they would hurt me. I must have been restrained and sedated hundreds of times. It got   so I would feel like I was out of my own body a lot of the time, I became like a wild animal.

This was all made even worse by the police getting involved on multiple occasions when I was having mental health episodes, they were even worse than the hospital staff. When I was 19 a police officer took me to hospital because I had tried to kill myself, I didn't think I needed to be there and kept trying to leave. His response? He threw me on the floor, handcuffed me, tied my legs together and stamped on me, repeatedly and deliberately. I was black and blue the next day but I never reported it because I felt like I deserved it and I felt like no one would believe me. I have been repeatedly verbally and physically assaulted by the police over the past 10 years, again made much worse by my frantic efforts to escape/fight (when I say fight I don't mean physically violent, I mean fight to stop them touching me). This had resulted in a strong distrust and fear of police officers. In all honesty I think most of them are scum. I hate them more than I've ever hated anything in my whole life, they made me feel less than human.

Now it's over 10 years later from that first incident and I feel like a shell of a person, my whole life revolves around avoiding triggers and trying not to remember what happened. I feel like reminders are everywhere, sights, smells, sounds, I can't even escape in my dreams. Today I saw some police officers enter my apartment building, I recently put in a complaint about the police to a solicitor and for some reason in that moment I thought they were coming for me. I got so scared I locked myself in the bathroom with a knife, I told myself I would kill myself before I let them near me again. (Turns out they were questioning a neighbour)

I feel like my life is unravelling and the anger I feel is all consuming. I tried looking for help for PTSD online relating to police brutality, or experiences in psych hospitals, I looked for hours and found nothing. It made me feel so alone and so powerless.

Sometimes I feel like because I wasn't raped or in a war I don't have PTSD and because of the way I reacted in those situations they were all my fault. I don't even have an official PTSD diagnosis yet, sometimes it turns up on my notes sometimes not, I saw a therapist a couple of years ago who says I have all the symptoms. It feels a bit paranoid to say it but I don't hold my breath waiting for the institution/organisations that traumatised me to acknowledge that trauma, why would they?

I've mentioned it in the past to CPNs and Psychiatrists and they just look uncomfortable and change the subject. I'm sorry this was really long, I appreciate anyone who took the time to read it, this all just kind of spilled out of me tonight.",5.613527020564324,5.980806616982839,5.991310244965197,81.10326697752272,67.29268292682926,9.185658111483075,30.823223869493603,9.088552180705676,2.421380158350604,4443,161,882,74,68,1429,428,1107,0.221,0.7190000000000001,0.06,-0.9996,2,3,1,0,9,4,105.0,0,1,24,11,44,65,22,4,63,0,78,30,17,13,13,157,157,66,7,19,20,1,20,11,1,9,10,7,4,8,50,50,2,11,28,2,0,17,19,42,2,10,69,39,164,23,131,72,28,145,0,3,11,2,64,63,1,16,70,614,214,9,0.0,0.09705257384698356,0.0,0.04464819951324126,0.0,0.0,0.03630511570085858,0.04376962041881089,0.0,0.08483634558863606,0.04519608001716048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04061745066710292,0.028637460710130843,0.0,0.03370338451362456,0.03645961641584293,0.03828842926289525,0.0,0.0,0.06298543294909903,0.03419663671913455,0.2246981517707422,0.0,0.034850628572940315,0.046143504989968186,0.0,0.036222346378786886,0.08942691767295581,0.1364789984152322,0.0,0.0,0.08364152421037374,0.09368574598043722,0.04175747836234719,0.0,0.04332612822780239,0.0352800577309953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540023401047565,0.04531715089575358,0.04498835790488704,0.05282659868484184,0.0,0.03527543299783068,0.0,0.08501194116737773,0.0,0.046939244301003547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190831985039551,0.034213570136567666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352556045682739,0.07409428303471169,0.034507284664625236,0.0,0.0,0.04006292929474119,0.0,0.046087004305878886,0.24850364578941145,0.1755542964522474,0.11797284997200334,0.0,0.0,0.17418620884129746,0.0,0.04490625488457305,0.0,0.0,0.08559149730023864,0.0,0.06982889447033584,0.0,0.09826901511260687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03621734816077475,0.0,0.0,0.0808713485217253,0.04203277929835759,0.1306032724301536,0.0,0.0,0.02745201368868106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04033351318852349,0.0,0.08768871439406106,0.0,0.0,0.042747532617081134,0.0,0.0,0.1359355852246891,0.08529896118020591,0.02250840406969016,0.0,0.0,0.043366601323547055,0.04449892763448785,0.04188039195626179,0.08678552397846602,0.22009992402799905,0.0,0.0,0.07248972776049971,0.10317843876571824,0.0,0.0,0.1392776625785379,0.0,0.2712755960662597,0.0,0.041523061890163804,0.0,0.0892264095078372,0.0,0.0,0.12382236179375612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903223483581502,0.060736865421579675,0.0315878728382146,0.0,0.04355728202643168,0.0,0.0,0.03929848708898736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876458261615335,0.0,0.043580183062011585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819447250577836,0.11357522468507684,0.03576129090718578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844925405320659,0.04166708250464305,0.0,0.0,0.14362648419722054,0.041172197414376714,0.04588021055218651,0.0871237175522693,0.04096718804224726,0.04661701362500713,0.026237529436577603,0.042109696900943516,0.04043921244812525,0.0,0.046395282753423785,0.0,0.0,0.13027975338339978,0.041004205693627664,0.041449764537589986,0.03263671287194772,0.0,0.0854522988739122,0.04626874066294381,0.0,0.0,0.046036377719762635,0.08197136549536094,0.0,0.034701974637474355,0.0,0.1215199044942326,0.09169401225847232,0.08696682520179108,0.04365375826826669,0.0,0.034241137454483636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044799331139294817,0.0,0.038600644020586966,0.042569074635880125,0.030793893713340164,0.0,0.07159488150993829,0.0,0.0,0.04755319429306906,0.054418832246728895,0.05248603636299802,0.0,0.065029144642389,0.16717283823363352,0.0,0.038821598420610094,0.07827062642617905,0.09100747867033404,0.13903253344110333,0.08909696222822869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03537292459560231,0.0,0.0337930756796625,0.024156971710939282,0.032509049591782545,0.0,0.0,0.07364891358098133,0.0,0.036956514212048805,0.09145205662776196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086888485330013,0.20365829202799726,0.0,0.0,0.07912316595915109
ptsd,FoxTaylor,2020/01/29,"Dating and flirting is not easy Some people says, I am so stiff because of my past. But I don’t think so. It just hard for meeting stupid people ,who constantly sexually harassing me. Sometimes I feel like dating is okay. And I felt overcome it. But sometimes it felt so overwhelmed and too much for me.",2.811781609195404,5.367484086206896,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,78.82758620689657,5.935632183908046,26.90804597701149,7.1686216300943375,1.4976459770114947,239,10,44,3,6,76,41,58,0.172,0.705,0.12300000000000001,-0.6314,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,13,8,8,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,7,3,3,6,2,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551980567000614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756958980034964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899718487968068,0.18225897623299786,0.4899136345554504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285389105952353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463956414724207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754378645690964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24354250725830096,0.3537384944976062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288299650363165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046437218031863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347166854984918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,youngsmc,2020/01/29,"Can’t relate .. That song that’s like “I’ve seen sunshine, seen the love in my woman’s eyes, know the touch of a precious child, I know a moooothers looooooove

I get sad every time I hear it bc I do not know the love of a mother",1.3992000000000004,2.5292891200000014,2.501000000000001,99.3955,77.8,5.0,20.5,3.1291,-0.625,176,4,44,0,4,56,35,50,0.055999999999999994,0.619,0.324,0.9403,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,6,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,11,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,7,5,5,3,9,0,2,0,1,4,2,6,1,0,0,2,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838854488864877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603660261954673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37975448591616795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5555182149344435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461126539153967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6082007964518739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647170853022075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,blueridgeblasphemy,2020/01/29,"memory issues hi, first time poster here. 
i went through some intense sexual, physical, and emotional abuse when i was fourteen. it was happening off an on for three years. 
since it happened, i’ve had some very prominent issues with memory loss. not only memory issues with what happened to me, but most of high school i can’t remember. i dated someone for a year and i barely know who they are because i can’t remember our past relationship. 
it’s been about four years since the abuse ended, and i still have memory issues. not even with just stressful situations, i am constantly forgetting simple things, days specific things happened, what people look like, etc. it’s becoming a real problem. 
and frankly, it’s scary. it scares me that there are these gaps in my mind where i know something happened but i just can’t recall. it feels like a void. 

does this get better? does anyone else experience this? any advice?",4.0333193277310935,6.8245958333333325,4.6295938375350145,79.47226890756303,75.78571428571429,8.238655462184875,25.358543417366942,9.007467420416297,2.4442341736694675,732,26,124,18,17,233,112,168,0.14800000000000002,0.769,0.083,-0.9371,0,0,1,0,2,0,26.0,1,0,1,3,9,7,0,2,5,0,11,0,0,0,0,25,22,7,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,4,0,3,5,2,15,3,12,17,4,18,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,3,14,82,31,1,0.0,0.2472498709798269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195909591076137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095425986434573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295642129937989,0.10690787969135003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360423111419773,0.1152344909823802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092279577076049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275364921081935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672901768155229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261594081143434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716204492796698,0.11736759920387282,0.09241359544484502,0.0,0.11636583133220918,0.06891508272934606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206379600829672,0.0,0.0,0.05275705383517265,0.07453997255859744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875090264041365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054512945472779815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4613342184052413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024013369207178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356122256352811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468423312434735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194976273074126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761868150948471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535288672464146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935469229395528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960360901335444,0.07233569017490535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983855955586088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876089574316916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120212938676194,0.23639203413487106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446177948216076,0.10559687938025616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262099196428288,0.11728167528597347,0.0,0.0,0.0884062978627272,0.08032544305626503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332545034055368,0.0,0.119520244737291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386367070809503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084104881982408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609079873534714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672351906435583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157314535273985
ptsd,Mrsjtkirk,2020/01/29,"Night terrors getting bad I keep falling asleep and then I wake up and can't move for a few seconds and my heart and my brain feel like they're malfunctioning. All these noises.


Sometimes I dream and it feels like hallucinations. A team of people storms into the apartment, starts looking through drawers and tells us we're under arrest and need to wake up and come with them.


I dream that my neighbor who is crazy starts fucking with the lock, screaming that he's coming to get me.


I take seroquel, xanax and whatever else I can get my hands on to sleep cause if I don't, I can't sleep and I can't handle this anymore, I'm so tired. Sometimes I choose to stay up all night or multiple days cause I hate going to sleep.",2.422023809523808,4.678729694444449,2.925595238095237,92.4075,78.44444444444444,5.2253968253968255,23.48015873015873,6.1826913282559595,0.41400753968253934,572,19,118,4,14,177,94,144,0.16399999999999998,0.773,0.063,-0.9386,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,1,1,7,2,1,4,0,6,12,9,2,2,26,23,14,0,2,2,0,3,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,6,15,0,1,3,3,0,5,4,5,0,1,0,5,18,2,16,23,3,19,0,0,1,1,7,7,1,2,8,68,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225346534143848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119766011810759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601259480770445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947038085966669,0.0,0.2471208993795796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250662709866506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982531728833999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505466732043654,0.20494645048494564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260752940772114,0.2248236945219468,0.0,0.08151998756052073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161683445298304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997652762983909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274956403708959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015461290264372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045307474069265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524535145933806,0.0,0.10635859019081756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26921655450000664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944290583868544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43062934560030175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837307157120704,0.0,0.20305446799361,0.1528874482973881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784867144866088,0.0,0.1253724671074344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486263305530813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254008720061126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Wattsherfayce,2020/01/29,"When people stare, I get scared I tense up, and I can feel my adrenaline spiking. ""Be prepared"" I mentally say to myself when I notice their glances stay longer than usual.

I don't know if they are going to say nothing and silently judge me, compliment/bully me, or suddenly assault me.

I am female, but have been a tomboy since I can remember. A few years ago I cut my hair short mainly because I have CPTSD and my depression periods get so bad and it got hard to take care of my thick hair. Every couple weeks I felt like I need to go ""full Brittney"" because my hair caused me PAIN, physical pain guys! It would cause tension migraines so bad I would *wake up vomiting* from the pain. I had no idea that thick hair could cause so much pain. And I already deal with fibromyalgia and arthritis so I am no stranger to severe pain.

Since cutting my hair short I haven't had a migraine! (*wooohoo!*) I've had auras when I would let it get longer, but nothing like I used to. And now because I have short hair, instead of being ""that cool, sexy, mysterious tomboy"" I'm a ""I can't tell **what** *that* is and this upsets me!"". 

I have broad shoulders and my tits are simply a hand full. I have a very androgynous look which I had even with long hair.

Now I get harassed going to public washrooms and it always causes me so much anxiety walking into one. All I want to do is not piss/shit my pants, not debate whether you believe I belong in this room or the other. I'm not here for anyone, just myself, leave me alone! Who likes to use the toilet while people are peeking into your stall to see if you are sitting on standing? Why is this NOT a crime? Why do people think this is acceptable? 

I've also been jumped and assaulted for the same. I've been harassed and assaulted minding my business in public because they don't like how I look, or that I turned them down and now suddenly I'm a ""stupid fucking dyke"" anyway. 

The only reason I go out is to be around strangers so I'm not completely cut off from human contact and put an insurmountable amount of pressure on the one person who is still in my life.

Therapists tell me ""you still have to go out there/you can't cut yourself off"". But I also am not safe in public. 

And I live in Canada, where we are apparently supposed to be an accepting melting pot.",2.271620813397128,4.4639603048245595,3.382958532695376,89.26722488038278,78.62719298245614,6.075279106858053,23.960127591706534,7.1686216300943375,0.9660675438596488,1793,62,361,22,44,577,226,456,0.225,0.6920000000000001,0.083,-0.9974,1,1,0,0,0,0,70.0,1,4,4,0,24,32,11,4,16,1,45,22,11,8,1,65,74,37,0,8,16,0,13,4,0,3,9,2,1,3,17,23,0,1,9,0,0,8,13,23,0,2,9,21,61,9,40,56,9,55,0,1,5,3,23,27,3,5,21,245,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714716086165008,0.0,0.0,0.08350600144516006,0.08897469350056783,0.12895591644899346,0.06708872164912967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167998479701412,0.0,0.0,0.05637677622375644,0.0,0.0,0.0717757645025009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464155606769454,0.1965996380055276,0.0,0.0,0.09083982973668266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220533367574692,0.33130751177745,0.0,0.0,0.08453662998141416,0.0,0.0,0.06437467335372983,0.08921303816033871,0.0,0.0,0.08312363854389744,0.0694445367361528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325384836971202,0.0,0.06793233119788541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076779761558123,0.0,0.07741525491932064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453902754130204,0.16849862279321345,0.0,0.229112955541816,0.0,0.06448535283684684,0.0,0.0,0.07983411866409369,0.0,0.0,0.07222659985271943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101888137504537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431088608851077,0.0,0.0,0.08537311331997989,0.0,0.08244730597381908,0.056949742789922965,0.15756252450899527,0.0,0.07119575356446606,0.07135299462897184,0.13541395568762066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125377750262718,0.0,0.08141101240463881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854130208293275,0.05978443244434506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547289429725349,0.0917951931478167,0.0,0.0,0.10927085890916753,0.06132101397083456,0.42896789159246346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676913263568869,0.07040101478808304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105312771147695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289872426415479,0.0,0.0,0.09133548885856256,0.0,0.0,0.1282367975520925,0.08072241292695131,0.0,0.06424985360555667,0.0,0.0,0.09108637336644243,0.08276319550557434,0.13339216565404574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859384212213131,0.12877880202802802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060622010886634436,0.0,0.14094436146093994,0.0,0.0,0.0936149968225628,0.0,0.05166298710733636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769980607918185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392729246836194,0.08880004212771153,0.0665263126779544,0.047556318005159325,0.0,0.06467469326438581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550795217717685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718268560189928,0.0,0.0,0.05192160793101993
ptsd,zeelizardglue,2020/01/29,"I lost my femininity Tw - sexual assault

Ever since my rape I have been slowly losing my femininity. It's been just over a year (it happened December 2018) and I just realized how truly painful it is for me to wear or do anything remotely feminine. I was dressed up for a night out with friends and I had to fo home from the hospital in a pair of scrubs because my clothes got ripped off.

Ever since then, I've lost my passion for makeup, which I was planning to make a career out of. I stopped dressing up, stopped wearing skin tight clothes, stopped wearing dresses or any other kind of girly clothes. I cut all my hair off and now I feel uncomfortable buying women's underwear. I have to buy men's underwear and order sports bras designed for trans people to help constrict my chest.

I have panic attacks when I go shopping, when I do makeup, and I have cancelled plans to go out with friends over the fact that I can't bring myself to get dressed up and I don't wanna show up in sweat pants again.

I dont really know what I'm looking for by posting here, maybe just to know I'm not alone? I hate that I lost such a big part of myself. I loved being girly and now I feel uncomfortable even wearing shirts with scoop necks.

It feels so stupid and trivial, I know, but I just kinda needed to put this somewhere out there.",3.841730038022813,5.289761946768063,4.568918250950572,85.72729372623576,72.11787072243345,7.237186311787075,29.11958174904943,7.734863291789972,1.7403720152091249,1044,42,210,13,20,335,150,263,0.132,0.799,0.068,-0.8719,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,6,17,17,6,1,7,0,16,14,10,2,4,44,38,16,0,2,8,0,6,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,10,15,0,5,7,3,3,4,4,12,0,0,9,7,33,5,38,28,2,34,0,4,1,3,6,15,0,3,13,136,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940900697157801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153524214659572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076750970411997,0.0,0.0,0.1531313254433271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205326512766117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577547241719155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890458158881025,0.24351379938562165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417927156069748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798922027158814,0.0,0.07032496249717705,0.0,0.1529969538171875,0.0,0.10765500500105303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190297509211391,0.0,0.0,0.13289344692584576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022213159124648,0.0,0.13501864884373094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401692092148835,0.22192428762213334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303334350706483,0.15058729161120482,0.4408080488516456,0.0,0.12148524103725793,0.0,0.0898491233204913,0.0,0.13522767169789127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998070583573439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631660647973222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322799979560732,0.15792863042036856,0.0,0.1457628658512949,0.0,0.0933173699318404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891329216664812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531405947652886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623068093661003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226914117523772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376045682061738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668047417866903
ptsd,alyouminieuhm,2020/01/29,"Flashback so intense felt like I was reliving trauma I’m used to my normal flashbacks where I ‘get stuck’ and rewatch what happened in my head. But I always feel somewhat disassociated from them. Last night I got scared trying to fall asleep and I felt like it was that night all over again. The most intense it’s ever been. I was so scared. My husband had to help me calm down and walk me through the house to see everything was normal (after 30 min of panic/balling my eyes out). 

The year anniversary of my trauma is coming up and nothing this intense has happened before. I’m afraid it will again. 

Idk what I’m asking here- maybe just some validation or hope. (I go to therapy once a week and do emdr)",2.146521739130435,4.6730217681159445,3.218289855072463,88.37526086956524,81.31884057971016,5.419130434782609,22.96811594202899,6.742157984588678,0.731138550724638,556,19,108,6,15,178,94,138,0.08900000000000001,0.785,0.126,0.5278,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,3,4,0,10,3,3,1,2,22,27,9,0,3,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,10,5,15,4,15,16,4,20,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,5,12,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423212936729734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081350905600355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372724263981758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389638961049261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592422620327425,0.0,0.0,0.1449850577245728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156882630995084,0.0,0.3097872267616045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842836484919201,0.0,0.09168253361230014,0.0,0.12902326965718436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28531154032597744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655620526461499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813017391276424,0.0,0.0,0.16022831309183946,0.0,0.18614296074219386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149827770505154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576267415255168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206878955994256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027779633627906,0.31612097268929745,0.1547920051195663,0.0,0.0,0.17180177182739986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892756241952496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230212503234213,0.0,0.12855207923197745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448480722091845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095264791210368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932968749402294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294021048494361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388553875277448
ptsd,bakesoda17,2020/01/29,"Vitamins/supplements that help with anxiety and that hypervigilant/mind racing feeling? I don’t know if I have PTSD or not, it’s mostly a suspicion at this point, but I know that many people here will probably understand what I mean when my mind races a lot and i avoid places because of this and past trauma and it’s very distracting and not to mention interferes with life a lot. 
I was just looking at a post from somewhere else on Reddit where people recommended CBD oil and I was wondering if hemp oil is similar or has similar effects to CBD? Or does anyone know of a CBD product that isn’t too expensive?",5.543389830508477,6.659438381355938,6.462500000000002,75.00103813559323,67.72881355932203,10.645762711864409,32.54661016949153,10.686352973137794,3.701115254237287,491,21,90,14,8,163,77,118,0.105,0.8320000000000001,0.062,-0.7742,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,5,0,8,1,0,1,0,31,16,13,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,8,0,2,8,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,4,8,0,10,13,3,9,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,9,2,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476211184270085,0.0,0.0,0.13231555117746113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535419017551547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559836976584905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580792178535299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956814839924062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683835200737836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119911979017558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366029616088634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890738513332794,0.0,0.0,0.3217568917391541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185174538290106,0.0,0.2061293365552975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821411474640423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064354296910048,0.2623795560371329,0.0,0.19770736860076324,0.0,0.17888559029071024,0.0,0.1812321349748485,0.0,0.20402431275168345,0.0,0.22120231041193836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699738946914275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613637954130508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20521424424998472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,fiedehleedleleh,2020/01/29,"sleeping after car accident tips i was in a wreck originally with my sister when I was about 13. I suffered long thereafter. I just got into a 70mph collision last night where I tboned somebody, his car flipped a couple times. I’m doing real well, aches and pains aside. I have high spirits. But now I wanna sleep and it just keeps replaying in my head, the collision that just happened. What should I try to be able to sleep?",2.248099062918339,4.793707036144582,3.2187148594377533,88.41179384203484,81.04819277108433,6.098527443105756,23.680053547523432,7.3871296695380915,1.1469555555555548,336,12,65,5,9,107,63,83,0.22899999999999998,0.746,0.025,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,6,5,4,1,0,13,10,4,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,3,0,11,1,9,5,0,15,1,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,8,43,14,0,0.21327821973888747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23598829352450645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057807566135014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860122535296087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188849842199829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253401489409521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957148124617948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738502149519857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887445129947406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014716136211225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22694306303473746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427573066073963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6402967401554963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436424506775505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448019112526745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176273322975207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Anflans2,2020/01/29,"January 31 That’s my two year anniversary. I never thought I’d have PTSD. And when I got diagnosed I thought I’d recover from it with exposure therapy. I recently realized it’s a forever diagnosis. I’ve just be so depressed since realizing this. Been having nightmares every day for two weeks. Flashbacks often. Always on edge, I feel how you feel when you’re about to get hit. I hate January. And then I get to look forward to the next anniversary in June. That one is 4 years. I don’t feel like myself anymore. Idk who I even am.",1.16,3.7736293333333366,3.5178571428571463,83.19964285714286,89.0,7.952380952380952,26.54761904761905,8.634040054169528,2.722619047619048,420,20,81,13,14,144,78,105,0.098,0.875,0.026000000000000002,-0.7809,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,8,3,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,14,18,7,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,4,4,12,1,9,12,0,14,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,13,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124216164167596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217969001592447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497336973527814,0.0,0.16690416723251594,0.19668466810722326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799119458228342,0.0,0.16326970701561136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29394603077782555,0.13843791161615926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248621157901853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498518126517696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131962290610566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467210516553166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272808897533467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945663774086168,0.0,0.20608937341691846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313117097915766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265208078281695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133636368427312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160298486894793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216066246327154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30768255156636143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37859374582970784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554402452322952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495785310232647
ptsd,Demiistar,2020/01/29,"how can i help comfort my friend with ptsd nightmares/flashbacks? hello, a close friend of mine has ptsd and he has been doing emdr for the past few months and it has been really tough for him mentally as he went through some horrible stuff as a kid. sometimes he will text me late at night upset because he had a horrible nightmare or is recalling bad memories and i always try my best to take his mind off it or tell him that its all gonna be okay but other than that im not really sure how to help him. 

it makes me really sad to see him upset like this and im wondering if anybody here could offer some advice on how i might be able to help a bit more during those times? thank you so much in advance",5.631712328767122,4.969736520547947,6.237089041095892,82.85097602739727,67.35616438356165,9.765753424657532,28.523972602739725,9.188382445141503,2.0364684931506853,556,15,119,9,8,182,103,146,0.127,0.716,0.158,0.6256,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,5,13,0,2,5,1,14,0,0,4,2,23,21,14,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,4,1,14,8,16,11,8,12,0,1,1,0,19,5,0,7,6,80,24,0,0.1510717143276792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762553080269186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570376842333905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613857119388905,0.09209191485719613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854044380279994,0.0,0.1649311848148567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206184710733764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334352634799492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037805569763308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263667510204575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041547398232898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380600869346107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084154240481293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224475559587985,0.16026321523661466,0.15253936576618402,0.0,0.12058400106812722,0.0,0.11105509256508067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177057001793714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442150454465562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35318949932683297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290341225831924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203845969983705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494137883638077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729409693142081,0.0,0.0,0.1423833028935368,0.0,0.11358712806759065,0.0,0.13204333707773988,0.13908653742799235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809113151101446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256777742072178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400449927044983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383082990048814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kcake55,2020/01/29,"Is this how I’m supposed to feel? A little while ago, maybe two weeks? I witnessed a suicide (luckily it was unsuccessful) on my way home from school. Now whenever I pass by that bridge, it makes me think of that night and makes me re-live all the emotions from that night. I hate it so much and because of this it is triggering other things too. It makes my life horrible. What should I do?",2.498351648351644,4.460269641025644,3.278791208791212,91.40192307692308,76.94871794871796,7.021245421245422,23.96336996336997,7.957251820313856,1.1243677655677655,304,10,66,5,7,96,57,78,0.154,0.846,0.0,-0.9223,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,5,1,11,12,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,13,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,8,0,7,10,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,46,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556482107969594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448687449161256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24816590511365735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155124672349566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781490705662332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212981537398027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558292372990564,0.0,0.2211175058213784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417933065448785,0.0,0.22164074620470464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217984302546354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140706789770228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327750866794813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413206240942801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656900255307326,0.14136330531332503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155120324499788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511654608878066,0.1769667013443116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Metartist,2020/01/29,"Facing Myself Tonight I sit here stronger than I was minutes, weeks, months, and even years before. I’m still working on myself and thats ok, but I stood up for myself today more than any other day. I faced my darkest feelings and I’m proud of that. Nothing can take that away, and I’m happy I could love myself and be strong enough to say and act the way I have been doing so. I want to continue this behavior and keep going. Lets see where life takes us! We are capable of accomplishing anything even if somedays we don’t feel like we can. I believe in you! You are loved, worthy, important and beautiful! Keep it up!",2.266951219512194,4.4974104308943135,3.373353658536587,89.13368902439026,78.83739837398375,6.051219512195122,23.258130081300806,7.1686216300943375,0.8910764227642276,485,16,97,6,12,156,88,123,0.028999999999999998,0.6409999999999999,0.331,0.9933,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,4,2,0,4,6,7,0,0,1,1,12,5,2,0,0,19,27,11,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,11,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,19,7,12,21,2,18,0,0,1,2,9,6,0,1,9,68,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476446020305865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097844537450172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237412705143396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561176658723898,0.20670549109688635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648418549832376,0.0,0.0,0.1183216145641984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957137993031836,0.0,0.24235762907017605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855337609393219,0.1310695010786435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426903293238084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530498614488206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261493904105059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760835329980316,0.12958880025816172,0.08963314633433622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33117387719098657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644232366241988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760423937206288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590103422438053,0.0,0.0,0.14620015890536875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651769820151322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758900488458836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739061124299706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206892882695808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821411815181524,0.14562827558121905,0.14716687901669287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356681288852898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814730935792922
ptsd,comatosebunny,2020/01/29,"Just found out I was not eligible for disability... I was diagnosed with PTSD while I was still in college (I graduated about 5 years ago now). Had a job for a bit that was really just ""live at home and take care of brother while being paid by government program"". My brother has special needs and I was already caring for him so it worked out. Of course I happened to fall in love with someone and last year moved to a new state to be with them.  


Phew. Okay. Maybe I can overcome my PTSD and the anxiety/depression that lives with it. Most of my triggers came from family after all....  
I worked outside the home for the first time and only managed two months before I felt I had to quit. My mom had been begging me for years to apply for disability and I think I finally took my illness seriously enough to try and apply.  


It was such a process. I never thought waiting could be so exhausting. My SO agreed to bare with me on the process, and makes enough money to keep us floating, so I'm extremely grateful for that.  


My mom made it seem like it would be obvious I'd get government aid...I was so heartbroken today when I checked the mail and got the letter saying I was not eligible. Saying while they agree my daily life is affected, they don't see it affecting it \*enough\*. It blew my mind. Like I'm too sick for some things but not enough for others?   


I'm now in a position where I need to find work again and I just don't even know where to start again. I've struggled just...being home all day even. When I was in an actual workplace I was having multiple panic attacks a day and certain thoughts. I'm so afraid for the future and so mad at my past.  


Vent post sorry :(",2.5818163672654717,4.568138239520959,3.8729580838323368,87.12508582834336,76.78443113772454,7.207824351297406,25.205189620758482,8.131152278815165,1.5104753692614767,1308,47,269,23,30,428,183,334,0.10300000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.067,-0.9437,2,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,1,0,3,5,24,15,2,3,14,1,26,6,0,5,5,54,55,25,0,4,7,4,1,2,0,1,5,2,3,0,13,20,0,2,8,0,3,4,6,7,0,2,23,4,36,8,41,26,9,45,0,0,1,1,14,11,0,3,30,183,49,10,0.0,0.0,0.09270763765488033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421298667177299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048363794089633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108077778635804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083917274078611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371689610002084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865626407298697,0.1937204661596509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585086741542559,0.0,0.0,0.12253605490799965,0.0,0.08182454487583643,0.09642439562044172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926472623904753,0.0,0.12549502410230612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955884122000267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912162179767634,0.10406936242151783,0.08682953543766614,0.0808081208412838,0.0,0.1041641039029758,0.0,0.0,0.04963429727612485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598127793810716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400940195538771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28588237447547005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427420549891644,0.08444158693817583,0.0,0.0,0.05221027106873733,0.07743880009580563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710228051900098,0.0928257460080696,0.0,0.16777590884185015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574244982422832,0.08989259783717297,0.06341415535155788,0.0,0.09544165000131748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592430666216413,0.22252892386223985,0.07582919096923374,0.10097142670225834,0.0,0.1408846312562997,0.07327091686561729,0.09175291973640454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225282643258245,0.0,0.11146364409380928,0.0,0.0,0.09068956184017483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098505621670534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210304647008025,0.0,0.0,0.10104565601000218,0.0,0.0,0.06086031332191865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510978125738167,0.0,0.0,0.07570379581604851,0.08648568358143552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804943565449296,0.0,0.0,0.1063462611692146,0.06724246202610361,0.0,0.07586822060340086,0.0,0.0,0.09931606391138112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142921075423486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311469205122038,0.06087304496025634,0.0,0.1508409596093587,0.05539606560467852,0.0,0.09005019505541602,0.0,0.10555002291474942,0.06449969740953933,0.0,0.09280253890305144,0.0,0.11427495662821678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074863968634628,0.0,0.0,0.06748625090849185,0.0,0.0,0.18353331181337884
ptsd,xyz9808,2020/01/29,"I wish I could take a break from trying to get better All I want right now is to give into old coping mechanisms and screw a stranger after a night of drinking. I wish this was a diet I could cheat on, but deep down i know that would set me back months.",4.752777777777776,4.006025759259258,5.196666666666669,89.86500000000002,69.18518518518519,7.9407407407407415,23.555555555555557,6.42735559955562,0.4279333333333328,197,3,46,1,3,63,43,54,0.067,0.792,0.142,0.3818,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,4,0,5,3,0,0,1,11,12,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,8,8,1,13,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,6,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870749674345749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517020529783887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884944843551583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238331546463398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127108966473713,0.2333859054241595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370580342741845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941917307505322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22831115336535004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552918948687545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776830273189134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829237775744868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517791780115348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434987261195466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5595429112611998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282621241603285,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AroseRisen,2020/01/29,"PTSD: Preferring to sleep instead of being present with life. I prefer to sleep instead of being present with my reality whenever I can. I notice that when I'm conscious I can't control the overwhelming thoughts and flashbacks. When I'm surrounded by friends they're less vivid, but anytime I'm alone (which is most of the time recently) I have to smoke myself to sleep in order to avoid being overwhelmed by the thoughts. When I'm awake and alone I can't help but think of how depressing this reality is.",3.9208333333333343,6.4147552500000025,4.303333333333335,83.20833333333336,74.625,7.6,31.5,8.515128840125781,2.7024250000000007,408,20,74,8,9,128,57,96,0.151,0.813,0.036000000000000004,-0.8942,0,3,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,3,3,0,9,4,3,2,0,16,16,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,8,1,14,11,2,10,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,1,7,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249724823624517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301069345338343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767059651554171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850786323560148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751594699394407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449121808282884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335786076799956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398237182376555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025729936811938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6159313163862217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131459700484417,0.0,0.32575185591545336,0.11963177128991588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mrssoggywafflestomp,2020/01/30,"Are there any therapies that help you recall childhood trauma you may have buried? I’m going to keep this as short as possible and hope to see some reassuring answers.

I have some very vague memories of strange things I did when I was a child, these things lead me to believe I may have been abused sexually. I was very young. Due to other sexual abuse within my family this also adds to my reason to think this.

As the title states, is it possible to re discover those memories and trauma? Or is this likely to be my only memory?",4.213325242718446,5.8772462912621375,5.58464805825243,77.95522451456311,71.52427184466019,9.421844660194175,24.52548543689321,9.827888789773867,2.3789621359223307,420,12,78,11,8,141,71,103,0.152,0.774,0.07400000000000001,-0.8331,0,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,13,0,0,2,0,14,19,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,11,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,1,11,3,13,12,2,9,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,6,5,58,22,1,0.0,0.4718243686244107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592277853855646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540127939819532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22432820939231332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770270472255826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315851034564745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345889256427168,0.0,0.0,0.1977606476424433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697766120516334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727483828649834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143173762074355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4489320612859507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204717715004428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586644829127477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276990517605236,0.0,0.2645589925989233,0.1275813200359502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285723595867158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Phdthrowaway90,2020/01/30,"I deserved it. It took me a year and a half of sitting in sessions talking about unrelated things, but I finally opened up to my therapist about my trauma. She said that it was ok that it took time, I needed to do it when I was ready. Honestly, I didn't open up before because my trauma made sense to me. I deserved it. Not a lot left for discussion. 

I haven't always been a good person. In the past I engaged in behavior that hurt other people and hurt people I loved. I didn't mean to hurt them, but I did.

This time, someone hurt me. It feels like I was meant to experience this.",1.687045454545455,3.536469916666672,3.7095454545454563,87.89727272727276,79.0,6.696969696969697,23.40909090909091,7.686295010490155,1.0829999999999995,450,15,96,7,11,153,69,120,0.20800000000000002,0.633,0.16,-0.8275,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,3,12,0,0,5,1,9,1,0,1,0,13,18,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,14,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,12,2,20,6,14,6,1,17,0,4,0,1,7,8,0,1,7,70,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258623824715666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220811719231893,0.0,0.12871310852002646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796359139266768,0.0,0.0,0.07648278294601057,0.10806184438980122,0.0,0.1657004974793923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268716724027512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6477178446386996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434697267095544,0.0,0.0,0.07389913772188418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859783045495948,0.1365201655933163,0.1431280814520941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647690300018257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215910688400048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439701717628636,0.2097325187332099,0.13207643895774054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388512203032433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816408800272036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215789374551902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562723279746292,0.10049197600333808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764045712496526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361160460481305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740798625036153
ptsd,Douglasm99,2020/01/30,"Confused Last night my wife and I were in our house, she works from home in our dining room, and I was sitting in the living room. We heard a loud firework type of cracking sound so I walked to the front door and witnessed a guy hanging out of a truck unloaded from an automatic assault rifle at my Nextdoor neighbors house. I immediately grabbed her and we hid in a guest bedroom while I called 911, telling them there was an active shooter situation. There was a lot of commotion, loud noises, and yelling we heard from right out our window while we were waiting to hear the sound of police sirens. The cops arrived within 10 minutes, and after having to wait an hour or so they allowed us to leave so we could stay the night at her parents house across town. 

I am a very paranoid person naturally, but since last night I have been in a scary mental state. I’ve been shaky, my mind keeps going back to that horrifying sight, I am too scared to close my eyes anywhere in the house where I’m close by windows, the list goes on but I think you get my point. 

Can this be PTSD? I don’t really know how to feel or what to think because I feel as if I’m not qualified to feel that way as nothing serious necessarily happened to me.  We do not own any guns, I just turned 21 a few weeks ago and my wife, 22, is not very comfortable owning a gun in the house. A large part of the anxiety I’ve felt was due to that 10-15 minutes of truly feeling like we might die and we had no true way of protecting ourselves. 

Anyways, I really needed to vent this out and hope this does not offend anybody or is taken the wrong way because I am in no way trying to self diagnose or seek attention, but I am just trying to deal with the emotions and thoughts I am currently having.",5.427821394846891,5.475402949008501,5.874496155402671,82.88494806421153,67.6685552407932,8.763469580466747,30.69054363955214,8.418075326091056,2.073257763388641,1383,49,286,18,21,446,200,353,0.131,0.809,0.06,-0.978,3,0,0,4,1,0,28.0,12,1,2,1,12,11,2,3,24,0,25,3,1,2,1,62,49,26,1,4,14,3,6,1,2,1,1,8,8,3,7,24,1,4,10,0,0,4,7,7,0,0,14,16,41,4,45,32,5,49,0,0,2,0,32,24,0,10,15,185,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413054758310665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454094923176402,0.0,0.07260464674489579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297868167434916,0.0,0.11571052841972095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691206179433826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577661430279521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784636673454944,0.0,0.09633000234911487,0.09849990866914099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305495813327576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675914703575964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195410337325305,0.06780256173257572,0.0911269231758213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958570849670076,0.0,0.05393861641353012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397421226467637,0.08392716216304309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696863583336773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520083801612256,0.09426543069800436,0.0934656310824176,0.5475576078650699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435892406457586,0.0,0.0,0.05215916057692322,0.15472598499876225,0.0,0.10049426494685457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04636743779143805,0.0,0.08380583351789263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068770607547222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564531884502332,0.10068278713732873,0.09583040294571002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037335713928203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671952406991141,0.0,0.091067145060936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538451827407327,0.10277652086961493,0.0,0.0,0.08287033185874577,0.0,0.0,0.08971909103482764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109428109481076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160146999200727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810512332837545,0.0,0.0,0.09501983981099536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990101333891012,0.0,0.0,0.07850918817280132,0.10668098948421108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115969929502228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295410260097724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216269083417752,0.0,0.07534664801379286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288731127221279,0.1032330578700646,0.0,0.0,0.1141630888076568,0.0,0.0,0.1566186972036084,0.0,0.3013354003439636,0.07612977326840291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909442701596955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376740858959307,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thraway15,2020/01/30,"Has anyone overcame their bullying trauma and are happy/successful now? I'm in my early 30s, but currently suffer alot from PTSD, depression, shyness, and social anxiety. I still have a ton of anger and resentment from all the bullying and ostracism I went through in school and in the workplace in my 20s. Not just anger towards the bullies, but the peers/coworkers who would observe the bullying, or just laugh at me for being very shy, scared, unhappy, and lonely. I know people will just say ""oh they were just miserable themselves"" or ""they'll end up as failures as adults"". That doesn't explain why they would all smile and be friendly and sociable with each other, but either treat me like I literally didn't exist and purposely ostracize me or just laugh at me like I was subhuman trash. Even in my 20s I had to deal with cruel insults like people laughing at me for never having a girlfriend, laughing and teasing me for being shy, teasing me for not having any friends, etc. Some of these bullies went to prestigious universities (or the same decent-ranked, but not elite one I went to) and had jobs at prestigious companies. It also didn't help that my dad and brother victim-blamed me when I was younger, and my mom didn't seem to think bullying is a serious issue. Even to this day, my brother seems to have no regrets for his bullying, and my mom doesn't hold him accountable at all

I don't have any friends now and I've always struggle to make any. I push myself to attend meetups multiple times per week, and I've only managed to make acquaintances as alot of people are cliquish. If they actually are willing to talk to me, they don't show up to other meetups often, if at all.

I've tried things like meditation, weightlifting and martial arts to improve my confidence and boost my mood, but they haven't helped much.

I've seen therapists in the past and didn't find them very helpful. My last therapist I saw a few months ago was very caring and empathetic, but he didn't really offer any solutions other than saying it wasn't my fault I was bullied and that my family victim-blamed me instead of supporting me. We did some EMDR which helped me erase some trauma that I kept getting flashbacks for, but maybe other than that, I wouldn't say it was worth the $150/hr session

I wouldn't say I'm a total failure due to the bullying I experienced. I do have a 6-figure job and net worth, which is better than alot of men my age who are married with a wife they hate or they've gone through an expensive bitter divorce. Alot of them are also in debt, have to struggle with raising kids or even paying child support, etc. Reading about other people's problems helps a bit with my traumas, but I don't know if they've suffered more than I have

Anyone here also struggled with traumas from past bullying? Was therapy the only thing that helped?",9.149505494505496,7.3869220604395585,8.704156776556777,71.55750989010991,60.99633699633701,11.812923076923076,38.87296703296703,10.53366545652748,4.018790857142856,2279,93,410,42,25,730,259,546,0.251,0.609,0.14,-0.9977,4,2,0,0,1,0,63.0,1,0,10,2,20,43,9,5,23,0,49,0,0,2,6,88,71,46,0,9,26,6,1,4,4,7,0,4,0,4,22,30,0,2,7,4,6,6,19,26,0,1,23,9,59,16,62,38,22,40,0,6,2,0,49,16,0,19,22,294,81,7,0.0,0.0,0.0781509156875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099007360837266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213062735310385,0.06663671603809097,0.0,0.0,0.21784081375156464,0.0,0.06126442017554404,0.0,0.0,0.11199388320478428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082822864099123,0.08743152783869079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165148093917107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164787464137177,0.08256359879193592,0.06897665898428731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709310930446648,0.0,0.17863076465563746,0.15868516277478165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549653541286393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319577841509828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856192486617076,0.0,0.041840843750919884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906685977356445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220736970263562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358740713202391,0.15894300991422194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802468913087698,0.06527955290757953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565009579234824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691404578170136,0.0,0.08045564023641368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758798742697247,0.06392268059023247,0.0,0.05887131913914196,0.0,0.06176610030370287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426732703635409,0.12181573578083885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289942620460512,0.22208202356150025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663004694507969,0.0936144901202021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801061679188754,0.0,0.05130417876510002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547456220377633,0.08017855126611374,0.08104978537511286,0.0,0.1458118346389073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163605830892483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639555818886181,0.0,0.0,0.25116511002189645,0.0,0.0,0.18175787384462969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436888427123616,0.0,0.0,0.09158360051403104,0.18596854454307024,0.10640916114159654,0.05131491131335022,0.0,0.0,0.046697913591616035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054372115843217335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982342887751063,0.0,0.0,0.06423895200223152,0.0,0.0,0.22271739014166672,0.07226380121852001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377945632589155,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,psychedelicsweets,2020/01/30,"HELP! I'm Confused -- By Myself (Content: Comorbidity? crossposted to r/bipolar + other forums) Hey y'all,

I'm exposing myself here, but I figure, here goes.

I've been diagnosed with bipolar, but I'm nervous that that's not what I have, or I may have something more than that.

I've talked to myself ever since I can remember, coming up with 'characters' through which I go through life. At first this was just games and I'd make up little plays and games with these 'characters', but now I go through daily life talking through them, to myself. They have names. However, they're characteristics aren't different from my personality, they're not very different from each other; it feels like I'm the same person, just with different names that I used to talk to myself and work through my problems or my day. All the characteristics and everything add up to make up 'me.' I'm fully conscious of these 'characters,' don't have amnesia, no forgetfulness, don't really notice dissociation throughout the day.

I also struggle with binge-eating at times, but never self-harmed or abused substances. I do have a history of trauma mostly shared with my family.

I'm nervous that I may have traits related to BPD, DID, or C-PTSD. For anyone co-morbid, or who just have those disorders, how did you know? Has any of what I said resonated?",4.804512195121951,6.8667492479674825,5.6598455284552855,76.39196341463416,70.7479674796748,8.985040650406502,28.96666666666667,9.516144504307137,2.8505437398373985,1049,41,185,25,20,343,140,246,0.083,0.847,0.07,-0.4624,4,0,1,0,1,0,46.0,0,2,2,2,9,9,0,4,4,0,19,4,0,4,3,48,34,15,0,1,14,0,1,1,0,2,4,1,0,2,16,13,0,0,5,3,0,3,7,6,0,1,5,2,25,3,32,27,5,17,0,0,0,0,18,7,0,9,8,128,41,1,0.0,0.1649212324698082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131278651751612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465617870244064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973271522415637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530901746579278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990265424130366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953625374280258,0.0,0.0,0.14127821213197744,0.0,0.4362819409778463,0.15952751615898594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259082576863699,0.0,0.0,0.12509791200283318,0.0,0.1312190020664364,0.0,0.07038028618977593,0.09943968095039027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839770179260638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821345595235706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329829703338753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649696639585042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663260859875425,0.06800278783939262,0.13950819733868755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582514174510986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073544103588932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584724302624555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24307634253669946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318913554706238,0.16270945289547825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917075601653895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767881075557275,0.0,0.13240464947638622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452089098624355,0.0,0.0,0.11514208938549117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715775919335854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551500017294952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33563476967563005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116469963246069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021827117261227,0.0,0.1148490033622876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133433903304864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,C19H21N3Os,2020/01/30,anyone have chronic pain as a result of their trauma? I’m finding it hard to let go and move forward when I have this permanent reminder keeping me in pain. would love to hear how anyone has tried dealing with this. thanks,3.4422093023255838,5.7867392093023255,3.6955232558139532,87.71444767441862,75.51162790697674,5.230232558139536,27.02906976744186,5.985473137389443,1.050306976744186,178,7,32,1,4,55,37,43,0.20600000000000002,0.649,0.145,-0.3016,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,2,0,7,11,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,2,6,9,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456198302440833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547962101343627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588655546617475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045851165167322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213938686483918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785509970699924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196743206723157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527230697056579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305850826451049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262676607254822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5259605809452965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275384175748454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779560552769213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556510791179902,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,of_some_kind,2020/01/30,"Reclaiming faith in yourself and confidence I am struggling badly with feeling okay about myself lately.

Just had a surgery and am broke without the 2 weeks of pay that I missed out on for the recovery period. Then found out I lost my medicaid insurance. I live with my parents because I can only work part time due to PTSD, and am crying a lot.

I know this doesn't reflect me as a person. If it was happening to someone I love, I would want to help, not be angry.

Does anyone have advice or resources to kind of help to regain self-esteem/confidence or .. hope?",4.481766055045874,5.870718036697247,5.420997706422019,80.4643405963303,70.46788990825688,8.385779816513761,29.22133027522936,8.841846274778883,2.4161275229357804,442,17,81,8,8,145,83,109,0.145,0.6409999999999999,0.214,0.8075,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,2,10,0,1,5,1,10,1,0,0,0,21,19,8,0,4,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,4,1,12,5,17,13,2,10,1,3,0,1,5,4,0,5,6,58,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881183908226814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460735849436248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607376779927145,0.11735221364839438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146302327124689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684666611504898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973387610331954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107710669851926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023581863415405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580705800271741,0.0,0.0,0.19120571159788669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046937755760647,0.10579837529634474,0.0,0.21715948835223892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699897185552447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014723483291511,0.16366498453487052,0.1737476496413659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464124106360608,0.0,0.0,0.2137593989524016,0.20846940031904831,0.0,0.0,0.16809216969652013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503370490038846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008297513721068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631129654884629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012530865587436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225403773653404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135472933213749,0.0,0.1544197842600948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855726191868781,0.0,0.14014945868503195,0.0,0.0,0.1367534692849964,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,yungwzrd101,2020/01/30,triggering dreams and their cycles i know a lot of people here have triggering dreams very often which must be horrible but for me my triggering dreams always happen a few months from each other. ill be feeling great about life again and once i notice that I’m doing great ill have a dream and it will basically reset all my progress and make me feel like ive worked so hard on my mental health for nothing just to be sunk back in that same place. does this occur with anyone else here?,7.455368421052627,6.842199589473682,6.725263157894738,80.68684210526318,63.631578947368425,9.705263157894738,27.421052631578945,8.841846274778883,1.7964315789473688,391,8,76,5,5,120,72,95,0.102,0.643,0.255,0.9571,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,2,8,3,0,0,3,0,9,4,0,4,2,20,15,6,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,3,9,10,5,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,4,52,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720476731136907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457710519029346,0.21185841482522008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899195213416073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809442103511151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727282659115144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909638894040875,0.1477152149399292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559252530870779,0.0,0.0,0.18284440117630413,0.0,0.18522365810699892,0.0,0.0,0.2197848853460094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363437337508107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604646638928076,0.10101647879604203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578689567745084,0.0,0.0,0.1380193524947848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837367306142296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650403727646577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983996262515677,0.2354069208040805,0.0,0.22020134239868905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334700772279596,0.0,0.21602871901846185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706053866540526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052968320091625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,entgirl710,2020/01/30,"I’m numb from everything. I’m afraid to reach out for help The times that I have reached out for help, nobody helped me. So I’ve learned that reaching out for help it’s just a bad thing in the end. But I’m struggling alone and my life is becoming a living hell. I’m becoming numb and depressed. I barely feel like getting out of bed",2.0994761904761887,3.754583614285714,2.951428571428572,94.68190476190478,77.14285714285714,6.3809523809523805,24.523809523809533,7.1686216300943375,0.7696666666666667,263,9,60,3,6,83,48,70,0.257,0.564,0.179,-0.8548,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,2,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,8,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,4,1,11,8,0,7,1,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818164755839596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395523412487227,0.0,0.4866449510150336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897584428921703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513519452806988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800643552551206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139873860874144,0.157394287878562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510637767013017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5906945348780285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561619420091,0.10763560646456527,0.0,0.19454367430309985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032284103261014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463686196535779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846843410430706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hollymingo,2020/01/30,"First flashback 2 and a bit years on Experienced my trauma 2 and a bit years ago. I’ve since had irrational thoughts involving death of others/ their health and my own health as my ptsd has developed. Last night I was about to sleep and I had a very vivid flashback of the trauma which bought back emotions as if it had just happened, since the memory of my trauma keeps popping into my head very vividly. I am very aware that ptsd reacts within the brain in many ways but didn’t expect flashbacks after so long of dealing with ptsd. Not sure if this means anything",7.27113149847095,7.0609269541284405,6.542706422018348,80.51142966360858,63.86238532110092,9.468501529051991,31.928134556574925,8.841846274778883,2.4324666666666666,454,15,86,6,6,139,76,109,0.11699999999999999,0.883,0.0,-0.8516,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,6,0,7,5,3,1,1,17,12,10,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,7,3,9,1,14,5,3,14,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,2,9,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269217863173573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782619845249033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009775767885413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126342918014272,0.0,0.0,0.15983793926056206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761386924701242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105994833934556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179013536355646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661495316855514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694555655429614,0.3043905395649341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726632170686386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671205626206364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267111474431131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451635971054387,0.0,0.15596666010832885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436616551805056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021146354964464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368824806560121,0.0,0.14328493291784428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494689653275094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367014043845378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354419269650115,0.0,0.1136508331130595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844084204802149
ptsd,BeNiceWorkHard,2020/01/30,"Disconnected cramps and acidity attacks Hi,

My day started great. Going to work on my bike, feeling great. Later I hade physical terapi and for 50 minutes I hade acidity and kramps attack. But the hole time there was no negative thoughts. Just tears and cramp. The hole time I hade the mindset of ok. Lets just go through this. Like having a hard workout or a fun boxing fight. This is something my body needs to do.   


Am I alone in this? This disconnect between your mind and your body. It is like my mind disconnects from my body. 

This is my third year with ptsd.",1.8476902536715656,4.61669340186916,2.3888451268357827,91.54852803738319,86.94392523364485,5.673965287049401,23.530707610146862,7.1686216300943375,1.1012034712950598,442,17,86,7,14,136,73,107,0.17,0.6679999999999999,0.162,0.2441,0,1,1,0,1,0,15.0,0,2,0,1,3,9,3,0,5,1,8,5,3,0,0,15,14,7,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,3,0,1,2,4,12,6,10,11,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,8,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702552817374691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740277263649262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5477904585636816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601596968746284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311897047800981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684975987548966,0.0,0.0,0.3624743386871605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725839932522491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809677225757602,0.0,0.16062229981855194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319678732932009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189082476917712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921595228420233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655308901225154,0.0,0.0,0.116353914302563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050485927248168,0.19171068030090127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196756420084035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585979251279984
ptsd,dfghhjjttffffhhffddr,2020/01/30,"A reading list on trauma Hello,

I’m the past few months I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD and am currently in therapy to overcome some deep personal wounds. I thought I would share a reading list of books that have helped me through it so far. I’m still processing and uncovering everything that happened to me, but hopefully these will help those who are also brave enough to dig deep into their own painful pasts. It can all be overcome.

I would say that while some of these books have a very specific topic, anyone suffering from any sort of unresolved trauma will get something out of them, as they often share similar themes and language.

This is not presented as an exhaustive list, so please fell free to add your own if you think anything is missing.

 - The Unsayable by Annie G. Rogers, Ph.D - helps to demonstrate how trauma hides itself in our language and behaviours, often in deeply unconscious ways, and how unresolved traumatic feelings can be transmitted and inherited over multiple generations.

 - Scared Selfless by Michelle Stevens - a harrowing recollection of the author’s childhood sexual abuse, and how it ultimately lead to a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder later in life. An astonishing read.

 - Trauma and Memory by Peter A. Levine - goes into the nature of memory recollection and how it relates to healing unresolved trauma.

 - Waking The Tiger by Peter A. Levine - encourages a primal, somatic view of unrecovering and healing unresolved trauma.

 - The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Dee Kolk - the holy bible of unresolved trauma and cptsd in some circles. If you read just one book, read this one.

 - Complex PTSD - From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker - goes into the thinking and theory behind a complex ptsd diagnosis and how to heal from it.

 - The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis - Geared mainly toward female survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

 - Victims No Longer by Mike Lew - essentially the Male equivalent of the previous book.

 - Children of Trauma by Jane Middleton-Moz - talks about the general effects of early childhood trauma on a persons development through life. Easy to read and highly recommended.

 - Secret Survivors by Sue Blume - geared mainly toward female survivors of incest.

 - It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn - focuses on multi-generational trauma and how descendants can unconsciously inherit unresolved feelings from previous generations without ever knowing it.",9.823204971475144,10.841570459657703,9.059183985330076,60.46582569274656,58.3398533007335,12.586837815810922,40.51354930725347,12.086156645461163,5.643315321923393,1974,96,271,59,24,624,237,409,0.166,0.74,0.094,-0.9886,1,0,1,0,2,0,60.0,1,4,3,3,15,23,1,1,25,0,17,13,2,8,2,67,31,31,0,5,6,0,2,0,0,4,10,1,0,4,17,23,0,1,12,10,3,2,4,16,0,2,3,4,13,8,64,22,10,36,0,2,1,1,23,19,0,15,14,184,30,11,0.0,0.2404298883534141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113849391591604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899710284894611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094403794089628,0.0,0.08349393173764648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270053281738188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298099359607822,0.0,0.0,0.11628333818819862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483655343020636,0.0,0.0,0.09177747426744663,0.0,0.0,0.09118679434314983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260367387193124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053009295179391874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897218139570488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040219334106137,0.1071993402084032,0.0,0.10077387603356514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018338634916437,0.0,0.0,0.05576042821925977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433301080280668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098537075966875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375054850514788,0.0,0.10796188223241494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937124132746812,0.0,0.17718403210500472,0.0,0.11137394163504312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558081789214125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6089320080895699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068602747740178,0.10158037243280936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810979730514013,0.0,0.0,0.07181476748428478,0.0,0.08102705430334417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155067825626854,0.0,0.0,0.11602973740540408,0.0,0.0,0.1300244945874875,0.0,0.08054886834190614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371612509308275,0.0,0.08053518679629337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780498691634867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415026670195455,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,__christina__0,2020/01/30,"Best friend/future roommate keeps TRIGGERING ME... HELP So I recently told my best friend in college about my trauma, that I have been beaten by my dad. That’s literally all she knows, I didn’t get in to details because saying anything else just made me start crying. She also doesn’t know that I have PTSD because of it, but I don’t think that really matters for this situation anyways. 

Now I would think that if a friend opens up to you about something and starts crying, you should know that this is a really sensitive subject for them and you probably shouldn’t bring anything up of that matter in conversation. Right? 

But my friend KEEPS BRINGING IT UP. 
Ex. 1:
Me: “I hate when people hug me”
Her: “maybe that’s because of how you were raised”
Me: *TRIGGERED*

Ex. 2:
Her: *is telling me a story about a man* *mentions that he beats his wife TWICE*
Me: *TRIGGERED*

So like apparently she thinks it’s okay to bring up things referring to my trauma... how the fuxk do I explain to her that that is not okay??? Without making it awkward or telling her that I have PTSD unless I have to???

Does anyone else know people like this that don’t realize that bringing up your trauma in front of you is not okay???",1.7558743842364528,4.4011632327586225,2.696600985221675,90.48706896551724,84.77586206896551,5.383251231527094,22.07881773399015,6.868970318607317,0.7067507389162562,938,32,184,12,28,296,118,232,0.075,0.7559999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.9653,1,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,6,1,4,12,17,2,1,5,3,18,1,0,7,1,37,39,13,0,4,9,4,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,1,22,3,0,2,10,0,0,5,8,6,0,1,5,1,37,11,27,31,3,21,0,0,0,1,32,11,0,2,7,130,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592993820020074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387704586180256,0.12291059468312565,0.19742953868442603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193748644116511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517759090066635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635352762195484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497558247602183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041813207451614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707153471197501,0.0,0.06267282229646806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184331578404037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040495749505344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324740604935327,0.0,0.0,0.2637019335672459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721031229144124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350665002216118,0.08007253668403501,0.0,0.1205133929254106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632679877068604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933443185860946,0.0,0.2804477050513065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536956423705319,0.0,0.118443520934335,0.0,0.0,0.1024430162340084,0.0,0.09539498770519504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483721215358252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923491140478572,0.0,0.0,0.16981301658787254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969621645801206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969440681746402,0.2305916919634234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462449462319385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563471168542758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521433852710696,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lornf,2020/01/30,"I’m difficult to deal with Currently in therapy and discussing the trauma I went through from ages 0-18 for the first time in my life with anyone. One thing my therapist is helping me work through is letting myself lose control with some things. Because of my trauma, not being in control of every facet of my life gives me intense anxiety. I’m aware that this affects my friendships and most relationships to some degree but I’m trying to get a real handle on it through therapy and whatnot. 

Tonight I was opening up to my best friend of 7 years about the things I’m working through and I mentioned that my need of control is one of those things. As I’m explaining she goes, “you are very controlling.” I acknowledge that and say “Yeah I know, it’s something that my therapist says-“ and she cuts me off and says “It’s very difficult to be your friend sometimes. I love you, so ive never said anything because I don’t like confrontation, but it’s difficult.” I was quiet for the rest of our time together and went home shortly after.

This broke me. I am emotionally devastated right now. I know that I’m difficult to be friends with because it’s hard to even deal with myself most of the time. I’m just so upset because I know that this is something I need to work on and was taking the time to explain my situation to my closest, most trustworthy friend and I had it thrown back in my face. I don’t understand why she thought it was the right time to say it. I am so, so, so upset. I don’t know why I even try anymore. 

tl;dr: my closest friend told me that I’m hard to be friends with and I am really really torn up about it",3.1869756873437893,4.943465404907979,4.321342876618949,85.58594978413998,74.39877300613497,7.651715519200184,28.94523971824585,8.401726058763845,2.0992146330379464,1286,55,259,23,27,420,144,326,0.136,0.716,0.147,0.873,1,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,1,3,0,10,12,21,2,2,8,1,22,4,1,5,1,45,48,19,0,2,4,0,2,1,6,0,2,6,1,0,24,18,0,4,9,0,0,2,5,12,0,3,10,8,45,9,46,33,7,31,0,2,0,1,29,15,0,5,15,179,69,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249949663438498,0.0,0.08102343570781624,0.0571258269185681,0.0,0.06723129993205562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282147320010881,0.0,0.19921176138880306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573803984392445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665294155519605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845612347374142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190035693301336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792281249433727,0.0,0.06883491490863172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949311126841212,0.0,0.0,0.3787225790685105,0.0,0.042684345427533035,0.07837310680283578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463724788280633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476110463910582,0.0,0.08195073899450622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959849277327058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354274306621201,0.11541281242339685,0.03991399520712861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914002616409121,0.0,0.0,0.07373651984513441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115751800654925,0.06301129051722201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072268745047543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299132624774263,0.10467691814830042,0.0,0.0,0.08771413030822653,0.0,0.13954096628634555,0.07771443954744232,0.2598812345167537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183307738757156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579173362574178,0.08080238097417007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142746594130604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18685980919073356,0.1897176271393297,0.2171086901526489,0.0,0.0,0.06485986483063902,0.2381966633316047,0.0,0.0,0.07806687721527,0.0,0.11093649010014077,0.0,0.0,0.08505152020362791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348204306144749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147154727755754,0.1474412452808185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843349299304734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052611464980350124
ptsd,some-velvet-morning,2020/01/30,"Does anyone else get quieter when you’re angry as opposed to yelling and being dramatic? I have issues expressing anger, so as a result I have a lot of it in my system all the time, but it’s repressed, so I’m often described as “easy going” because to others, it seems like I never get angry about anything. But I do, I just don’t feel safe expressing it the way other people normally do. 

I’m always very quiet and mild mannered anyway, but when I’m angry, I get even quieter and even milder. But inside, I’m so pissed off that all I can see is red! So people almost never realize it when I’m actually angry, which I think is exactly what this defense mechanism my brain came up with is trying to achieve. 

If I were to express any anger, that would imply that I have something to be angry about, which would imply that I must think I have the right to stand up for myself, and obviously I don’t have the right, because I’m worthless and my feelings don’t matter, right 🤷🏻‍♀️ So I just quieter",3.963940886699509,4.80915443349754,5.527068965517241,81.26232758620691,71.16748768472907,7.573399014778326,27.30788177339901,7.7094869923839395,1.6360995073891629,782,26,151,9,14,266,110,203,0.196,0.738,0.066,-0.9861,0,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,16,8,4,1,6,0,20,2,2,1,7,39,37,21,0,5,7,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,15,7,0,4,6,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,2,6,18,2,18,30,3,18,0,1,2,0,3,7,1,5,7,106,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.15813217389599374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226427962641615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483410495827092,0.0,0.0,0.11019589834222823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330536602438808,0.16603386273036144,0.1333489151580394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756179260824575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808953872859339,0.0,0.1853358760929887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418063389555501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536748689291042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140578864527148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638692575293134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539848774043413,0.0,0.0920936918619186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691324827590035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916681613880328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776454114784498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24995760134554046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876932226288507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246826723657852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151556602325194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291285821469748,0.14751933607158968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474986525467925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766329883344126,0.0,0.0,0.09448952104640068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001766008722506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337037821799429,0.0,0.12862347679446454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302236975119065,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ilovecats2017,2020/01/30,"Help with panic attacks Hello, I am so glad to have found this page. I currently am hopefully coming off of a 45 minute long panic attack with shakes, shivers, crying and shortness of breath. I have not had something like this in a while and I had tried music, tv, breathing and grounding techniques. Right now my kitten is sleeping by me and that is helping. I was wondering if anyone has any other techniques or tips that they like. Thank you all",3.725357142857142,6.230730107142861,3.957380952380952,85.39178571428572,75.30952380952381,5.628571428571429,25.97619047619048,6.6274283507984215,1.2042904761904762,355,13,61,3,8,110,65,84,0.201,0.657,0.141,-0.7144,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,2,10,2,3,2,0,10,3,3,0,1,14,15,8,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,4,0,9,5,8,11,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,4,6,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847992295927902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238749893576938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633322347273187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541496550526472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22368532699681692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327710491889205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272986743443982,0.0,0.0,0.20225716752176925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897318801804695,0.0,0.0,0.1802120505520408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477847527592747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739046090038751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037837403842385,0.0,0.0,0.15676946228976224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748129218977055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138255936221183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208352890096776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LoveMyPetGator,2020/01/30,TW suicidal thoughts I got triggered earlier. I’m still going in and out of disassociation. I’m battling thoughts of suicide. I don’t want to exist. I just hurt a lot and I want the pain to stop. I have class early in the morning and it’s really late I can’t sleep all I can think about is death.,-0.5104761904761901,1.71855731746032,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,94.87301587301589,5.339682539682539,21.285714285714285,6.937597516519254,0.6777809523809526,233,9,52,4,9,81,45,63,0.354,0.607,0.039,-0.9729,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,5,2,1,1,1,14,14,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,8,11,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,31,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745959862913532,0.0,0.1934445544000091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258925525951862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728385131204341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562818308883954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573654294827709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549473305883802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420434496108444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931567160492021,0.20221312596168345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5291303656434565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549797447063294,0.0,0.3840335804916455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853209400493995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Spooky_Flower,2020/01/30,"TW: Sexual Assault When I was in elementary school, I was sexually assaulted by my neighbor and because of it I was never really affectionate to anyone. Not even my family. I didn’t want to be touched or hugged by anyone growing up and honestly, it sucks now. I’m 20 now and I’m working through it, but now al I want to do is hug my parents all the time and my sister and I feel so awkward doing it now because they have all been so use to me always shoving them off and not wanting it at all. 
It sucks. I don’t like feeling nervous to hug my own parents... and I don’t want to tell them why I’ve always shoved them off. (They know what happened but, my dad didn’t want to hear it because it made him so mad and my mom always blames herself.) 
I just want to feel normal hugging them. I don’t want to regret not giving my family affection because of a fucked up man that ruined my childhood.  
I don’t know, I just needed to rant about this. Thank you for listening.",1.5192078947368444,3.467244905000001,3.67826315789474,87.43978947368423,79.95,6.4105263157894745,24.52631578947368,7.475848149327749,1.1981000000000006,751,28,157,11,19,257,106,200,0.196,0.638,0.166,-0.9204,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,6,1,12,18,6,2,2,0,15,5,0,3,4,38,40,15,0,10,8,5,4,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,11,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,7,6,31,8,23,32,4,15,0,2,0,5,20,6,3,1,9,112,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291223576456934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438128944402185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321491376305516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708384806620352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24858765764067106,0.0,0.1999977542788168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189063416309134,0.0,0.126479871447987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165920648782308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860140397445373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491957257328972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441389385613247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475703141738916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441787540641588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977630460725276,0.10168870738325303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918228584462266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928014786893955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446470792765262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343642982089338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524028530333745,0.12138720975840328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688117668554825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113873669079117,0.0,0.0,0.5443683619066542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897161226594563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959863494695578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,_hello_everyone_,2020/01/30,"Please help me understand my friend's situation Trigger warning: rape, sexual abuse

My friend was raped when she was 11 years old, a fact she was never able to properly address or get treated for. A couple of years later, she started to experience sexual abuse from her father, beginning from touching to full-on rape almost every night while she was alone with him. This led to a first pregnancy at the age of 13, which she received an abortion for. I was there for her for all these nights although we are across the world from each other so there was very little else I could do. But she told me the details of what she went through every night, each night was a different experience with different details. It lasted for almost two years.

**Fast forward a couple more years, and she tells me that the sexual abuse she had received from her father wasn't real.** She says it is because of being raped at the age of 11 and never dealing with it, while at the same time having a tense relationship with her father. Somehow this manifested itself into false experiences that were so incredibly detailed for years.

I'm having a hard time accepting that it wasn't real because although it wasn't happening to me, I talked with her every night about what had happened. It was real for me. There are so many details or things that I need to have explained before I can fully understand what happened.

Unfortunately, after telling me that it wasn't real, my friend lost the ability to communicate at all. We haven't spoken in over a year, let alone spoken about the past. I'm scared I won't be able to talk it through with her and never know what was real or not, something that leaves me questioning all aspects of the past experiences we had.

I know it's a long-shot but if anyone can help me understand what may have happened and if it's realistic that she unintentionally had false experiences as a result of her rape.

​

There are many more details of these years and this is barely scratching the surface but any help or support would be appreciated.",6.423419689119173,7.416999497409327,6.572532642487048,75.44112020725392,65.6839378238342,9.181181347150261,30.984041450777198,9.281916038205594,2.711179398963731,1650,60,291,29,25,528,172,386,0.10099999999999999,0.833,0.066,-0.8591,2,2,1,0,3,0,41.0,3,0,0,2,11,13,5,1,21,0,39,5,0,3,7,58,59,23,0,5,10,3,3,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,31,17,0,0,8,0,0,5,10,7,0,2,21,4,40,6,47,30,8,48,0,1,0,5,43,12,0,11,33,219,71,0,0.13350330470962146,0.2372693781884441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368427515427528,0.13826916118908095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232538743789163,0.08111056394353748,0.04539341261296533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046674307379707056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138237541811075,0.0,0.05680073966243725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329576277392936,0.1477188673877577,0.0,0.0,0.06881802252259085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948253869159646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557624401574964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872343825226094,0.0,0.0,0.3264796232042874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677892139290459,0.0,0.0,0.1547164830740812,0.0,0.034874983282538845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361130629065673,0.0,0.05979636914918846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422667652696066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336992485536388,0.05441150589353002,0.0,0.07068036166601861,0.0,0.06825808709560836,0.0,0.0,0.06690269194780785,0.0,0.059073111782008074,0.0,0.0,0.07286731381774908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535139680331318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049495504413976335,0.1544489682145975,0.0,0.0,0.3132095192702402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004463030982745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274440105591358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327326914059049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477712747069355,0.0,0.0,0.37988997088136617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716662935205431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308359316769054,0.06683004892707077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503165403140527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138868317340474,0.0,0.0,0.04724716310560419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574898404937044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107304899310291,0.11668777271255824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434683174667782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784685058131732,0.0,0.0,0.06378406440423906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520666495620757,0.2084724726744488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055077103991286944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187945048909727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047418458634388636,0.0,0.08111056394353748,0.3009011290432581
ptsd,PlumGoddess,2020/01/30,PTSD Treatment I was diagnosed with PTSD as a child I have trouble emotionally connecting with anyone I have been to therapy and taken pills and nothing seems to help is there a different kind of therapy I can try?,5.7251666666666665,7.557501850000005,6.720000000000002,70.63166666666669,68.0,11.333333333333336,35.833333333333336,11.20814326018867,4.804333333333333,174,9,29,6,3,58,30,40,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.607,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633762202885686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23715376208646616,0.0,0.2441185659414287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628291574717816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566132654415178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433145524532037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419719222474785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462577463133024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21270970998556096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5344071323981527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863564190044208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,The_Nameless_Blob,2020/01/30,"Looking to accurately write PTSD I am a writer who is currently writing a character with PTSD from military service and I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their experiences with me and answer a few questions for me. I do want to make this as accurate as possible and I had a feeling some of you here might be willing to help.

Thank you in advance",4.050761904761902,6.19052188571429,5.6485714285714295,75.34476190476191,73.0,9.23809523809524,34.52380952380953,9.725611199111238,3.8692380952380963,292,16,51,8,6,99,52,70,0.0,0.848,0.152,0.802,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,11,0,0,1,0,17,17,6,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,9,2,12,9,2,3,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,5,1,45,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879143677737988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501237369688785,0.0,0.0,0.12928964013497016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713903694015461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472366210695112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068178466532866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712573701320492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882634133313457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5977994052110073,0.0,0.286442602132396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23541427337388415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508185283641938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27729582237411915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816419958852384,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,juxtajimin,2020/01/30,"Resources for first responders In December, myself and two others were involved in a violent assault on staff in our prison which put all of us in the hospital.
Following this event, the two others have seemingly developed PTSD. Flashbacks, crying a lot, depressed, suicidal... I'm in Missouri..and googling isn't giving me much but I need to help them. Does anybody know of any resources specific to law enforcement / first responders?",8.24702702702703,10.010161540540539,7.5630810810810845,67.1994864864865,61.97297297297297,11.865945945945947,41.82702702702703,11.602472056035307,5.771857297297299,350,20,50,11,5,109,59,74,0.165,0.789,0.046,-0.7326,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,9,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,4,1,0,6,0,11,8,3,11,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,2,3,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551092966210868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25054659905563764,0.0,0.0,0.19645393118163612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960345006215074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880271631149388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880509983031693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288419020469962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535252124013044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939143053256488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676726917342825,0.16912614482227736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266625476943839,0.2292938555265391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764493779080628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24949388196492397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456223647514621,0.0,0.2743646725965937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Throwawaye779,2020/01/30,"My parents are making it worse I'm a teenager who has been diagnosed with ptsd and my parents arent really listening to me. My mom told me not to tell my dad at first, but i got out of the shower and heard her dumping it on him without my input or consent. The whole reason this thing started was me having a poor reaction to several horror movies and games over several years when I was 9,10,and 12, and the part i overheard was my mom suggesting to my dad that they force me to watch said movies and other ones while my dad agreed. My therapist said exposure thereapy was the absolute wrong choice for me. I dont think i could handle actually seeing and hearing 90 minutes of things that gave me such ingrained extistential horror from 2 minute trailers. I'm a freshman in hs and things were going better for me this year. I just had a panic attack and am still coming down. I dont know what to do. The people i usually call arent picking up and i cant leave the house because im stuck on the second floor and its raining. What do i do? I had this throwaway sitting here for a while to use this subreddit and this is my first time ever using reddit (on mobile bc computer is downstairs) I can hear them laughing downstairs like they think they just solved 5 years of problems. I need help.",5.422923151750973,5.853711552529184,5.963869163424125,80.91366366731519,67.715953307393,8.759630350194554,30.84849221789884,8.660442795831766,2.338471011673152,1027,38,198,15,16,333,155,257,0.139,0.773,0.087,-0.9533,5,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,3,7,8,2,1,12,0,24,1,0,5,1,32,47,16,0,3,6,7,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,17,14,0,0,4,1,1,2,7,5,0,4,15,8,36,3,25,31,2,26,0,0,2,0,27,10,0,1,14,143,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.11107828151060632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294941196219431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938760112635976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067032293442456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622962197055516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805148368313367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088122852357884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553154014224493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26680770983602625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029626204042292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364159032001174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469024473613713,0.0,0.09103748077114764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565815622002309,0.0,0.07629552912834581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134054232447798,0.0,0.0,0.12295219388058967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255608851891585,0.0,0.0,0.12052586859383176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055609896915400525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598009805966469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26662453142252995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440093571072363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713180807088643,0.0,0.0,0.1335509171632787,0.2527818001961071,0.12326304844772272,0.0,0.07891298942116899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089166243524642,0.1330571317759607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729201950022929,0.11703263895050565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165502074971208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070501369456296,0.0,0.0,0.257183177235339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056700952953902,0.0,0.09090202036282513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948941140762638,0.0,0.0,0.13216138391438526,0.22686388225808585,0.14587089900132302,0.0,0.0,0.06637316973519683,0.0,0.0,0.10876613508419328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966191645861896,0.125363850425571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270832648092303,0.0,0.10972472081943664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599896679765588,0.0,0.12445145062363283,0.0,0.21990167576130867
ptsd,Terryr29,2020/01/30,I feel like I can't trust anybody new and I'm getting colder to the people who I'm friends with I had a traumatic injury when I was 12 it really fucked me up cut my tendon and my artery along with that I had people who I thought were my friends turn their back on me I feel like ever since that day i've been cold I really have no sympathy anymore for anyone and I also don't think I can trust anyone,1.0902272727272724,2.7570866590909127,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,80.13636363636364,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.3473818181818187,318,8,72,4,8,108,58,88,0.223,0.631,0.147,-0.8026,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,2,0,2,0,9,2,1,0,1,11,18,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,3,16,6,7,12,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,7,47,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730286177577828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987854898252865,0.31005211819399825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048270357229744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298578167429166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055103377977734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242083150453148,0.31678193598720394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425880031912455,0.20496900430751133,0.11583527475581487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21663439160707945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413065663421912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30741411873425895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28406853737246385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340230801496968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206398146360305,0.0,0.17601441905762186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411587932248161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pjg131,2020/01/31,"Do you ever put yourselves through your experiences on purpose? I'm an Afghanistan war vet... went through CBT at the VA starting about a year ago and would consider myself doing okay. Now I am going through an alcohol relapse after seven months, and I am watching Restrepo. Bringing back a lot of feelings because I want to feel the pain again. I haven't had nightmares in months but over the past week I had non-stop dreams where I was being chased and getting into gunfights and fistfighting people. FUCKING HELL. 

​

Don't you love the death? The destruction? Or is it just me?",3.610833333333332,6.5544039722222225,3.544074074074075,85.68333333333334,78.72222222222223,5.822222222222222,30.296296296296298,7.1686216300943375,2.0447074074074068,471,23,80,6,12,143,85,108,0.24100000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0.05,-0.9825,0,0,1,1,3,0,18.0,0,3,0,0,7,7,4,0,9,1,12,4,0,0,1,14,23,6,2,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,1,0,4,2,5,0,1,4,3,11,2,12,17,1,22,1,0,1,2,4,6,2,2,12,59,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854145986461082,0.22353672330135005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266331804075416,0.25416172276932125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083709616896186,0.0,0.12750672497928506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920421386409905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460620527911375,0.0,0.0,0.2115230083357495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193372223496463,0.10928152144043364,0.0,0.11887485819537524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782694951414915,0.1887820697187328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339114206700432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225692439034345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996742946016856,0.14501058800252686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102713711716516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805001700201165,0.0,0.0,0.17487361314645702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337256410900985,0.0,0.16778176014647192,0.0,0.0,0.1939006089425787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858677528085734,0.0,0.25416172276932125,0.1346971795086761
ptsd,charmed123456,2020/01/31,"Partner has PTSD after loss - I have no one to talk to about it My \[27F\] partner \[28F\] has experienced some really traumatic losses over the past few years -a parent being killed unexpectedly in a car accident and being rejected by her remaining family for being in a relationship with me. She's been attending therapy and is currently transitioning to new meds, but has been suffering mood swings and anxiety and panic attacks that often break down into attempts at self harm and suicidal thoughts. I have to physically hold her back from grabbing a knife and hurting herself or trying to OD on meds, which scares the shit out of me for more than one reason. 

She's a very private person who's had her support structure (other than me) fall out from under her. Neither her or I've ever dealt with anything like this before. I'm not sure if I can afford my own therapist, but dealing with all of this has been really, really hard and I feel like I have no one to talk to. I've only begun thinking about finding other people going through the same thing. Can anyone recommend online support groups for people going through this other than a subreddit?",7.987676056338028,8.177290924882634,8.284612676056337,67.28072183098594,62.286384976525824,11.231455399061034,35.120892018779344,10.864195022040775,4.072283568075118,929,37,148,22,12,306,137,213,0.218,0.6920000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9821,3,1,0,1,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,5,17,3,2,9,0,17,1,1,1,3,31,25,12,3,1,6,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,11,13,0,1,5,0,0,5,4,11,0,3,5,4,18,5,36,17,7,24,0,5,0,0,19,10,1,5,10,119,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014468432001071,0.0,0.0,0.09272450368658018,0.0,0.10912732917266853,0.0,0.0,0.15086384629336336,0.0,0.10196946350804607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128419614539377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671583664192732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995399469856224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501359138362445,0.0,0.06705196808871099,0.09473712988120488,0.0,0.0,0.12120380205198475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507314643637129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879316401015727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196252599706216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671412153574898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295738055925304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946012455454225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807626650733733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695813818675577,0.10085643356825172,0.0,0.15559011558270364,0.14724851893615634,0.0,0.12659194415877928,0.1838711617383388,0.1157905718011918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501484341596944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548614822655741,0.1363459136637423,0.0,0.14237429264217275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327664718771324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834190960858805,0.0,0.1361230056204595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505461176983278,0.300970163032107,0.12498404083449663,0.0,0.0,0.2131749583500224,0.0,0.0,0.15165192348881398,0.15397127504312866,0.08810067453878921,0.08497159928905854,0.0,0.10527810449330872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003397885101991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941773791177144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539696038852787
ptsd,PrettyFuckedUpAlt,2020/01/31,"I'm not sure if I have ptsd I've never been diagnosed, but I do have a lot of the symptoms, how can I be sure of it?",-2.466666666666669,-1.2220041034482725,1.6075862068965527,100.75436781609196,90.0344827586207,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.6287333333333334,87,2,26,1,3,33,22,29,0.157,0.843,0.0,-0.4449,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,3,8,7,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512964509913443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942520927199642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26694295453085953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40458647149022897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6524130329652076,0.3597429498702769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,suriservshumnty,2020/01/31,"Training ESA to help me in panic? I have a 6 month standard poodle. I don't know if it is too early to train her this because she is going through the fearful stage and needs me right now. The problem is she is too friendly and excited. If an older male pulls up to the park we are at, or if I see someone in the woods on a trail from afar- I get triggered, in panic mode and need to run and get away. But she takes her good ole time, OBVIOUSLY, shes a puppy! And she doesn't get it. It makes me panic more because I feel trapped and like the male or person is going to come get me. Then she feels my anxiety and gets confused. Then I feel guilty the rest of the day for yelling at her for not cooperating when she doesn't know any better! 

​

Id like to train her to run, but also to calm me at home when I hear noises and am scared or triggered. Her pressure on my lap does wonders.",2.54015873015873,3.50477865079365,3.847486772486775,91.52297619047623,74.66137566137566,6.246560846560848,24.61111111111111,6.1826913282559595,0.4991841269841264,691,21,158,4,14,227,107,189,0.13699999999999998,0.7909999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.889,0,1,0,0,1,0,22.0,1,0,0,1,6,15,0,7,11,0,12,0,0,3,1,34,32,21,0,6,9,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,1,3,4,10,0,0,6,0,0,6,4,8,0,0,0,6,27,7,23,32,2,28,0,0,1,0,19,11,0,8,12,103,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167782475753854,0.0,0.15131040531853746,0.1696896863006915,0.09496659339927647,0.0,0.10683164794432896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120550202843298,0.0,0.0,0.1702583373075489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350882233135603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029586202315515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006251173111453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222084046287144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714475167000128,0.21183327217085812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078930215825024,0.0,0.3648060551690561,0.0,0.15873229986342585,0.11713155334072832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739537559610606,0.0,0.09360425870420422,0.0,0.14008004813629218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349565984128474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645159124925355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321726759616036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146706830663096,0.0,0.0,0.20709698487976846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.491546545773579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193674255133853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362591490684025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926009157578428,0.0,0.0,0.13981372445873688,0.0,0.11128274047816857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832474835360415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049992042966866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143087048338195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144415631831856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696896863006915,0.0
ptsd,SpeedingDog,2020/01/31,"Feeling in Solar Plexus Is anyone else hyper aware of their solar plexus, like where its trembling or revved up all the time?",10.75304347826087,8.733007782608697,8.25826086956522,76.8204347826087,58.1304347826087,9.2,31.69565217391305,3.1291,1.6814695652173914,101,2,17,0,1,29,21,23,0.094,0.755,0.151,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990054893054407,0.5846891896164989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4766973731158313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28853326005994023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787863921945056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327453844616752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Scottydarcy71,2020/01/31,PTSD nightmares How should I console my partner after he wakes up crying and yelling out tears keep pouring out and he is having a severe panic attack? Please help. Thank you,3.3234375000000007,6.408879468750005,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,82.4375,3.2,23.625,3.1291,0.2410375,141,5,22,0,4,42,29,32,0.322,0.506,0.172,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,7,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363184614513662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35067307287830896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398162647455626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837575456135773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745624782769851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504325752562793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37317758716324856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606533383767169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29391575085440674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thats_so_raka,2020/01/31,"Tips for identifying a good therapist for PTSD? I was wondering if anyone had any tips for identifying whether or not a therapist will be helpful and knowledgeable about PTSD and treatment options like EMDR, CBT, etc. I've been to five different therapists over the past several years, who each assured me up front that they were familiar with treating PTSD, but they were at best unhelpful and at worst incredibly invalidating and counterproductive. It's also emotionally exhausting to keep starting over with new therapists, and I'm tempted to just give up and say therapy doesn't work for me. However, I do feel like it could work with the right therapist. If anyone has any ideas that might help, I would be very grateful! Thank you.",9.521714285714287,9.653349369230773,8.89901098901099,64.33884615384618,59.153846153846146,13.582417582417586,40.87912087912088,12.785403640627713,5.635296703296702,598,29,98,20,7,190,91,130,0.06,0.747,0.193,0.9549,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,3,3,9,0,0,4,0,14,1,0,0,1,27,21,12,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,10,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,5,2,8,7,17,10,4,12,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,6,6,67,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916409085161356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585591708446453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025380252791768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025950123982385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149411231393433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972650729303667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890300628104612,0.0,0.0,0.12780278022948566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057942250570124525,0.08186609094916919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992916040396687,0.0,0.09611614469886927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536201000916009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293628584250449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185655487595796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119698366054527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215662948150864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067575400972617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939309251747588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018633228220903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786278668527394,0.0,0.09112987566973503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294587831034855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811103364077101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055029065080052,0.13104840917726351,0.6652632617246438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455218344243464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427247848533632,0.1668518268817102,0.0,0.0,0.08140440354426577,0.0,0.0,0.07379488205644708
ptsd,ArcherBTW,2020/01/31,How would I go about helping a friend of mine with PTSD feel more comfortable with her surroundings A good friend of mine has PTSD and often has panic attacks and it hurts my heart to know that these things happen to her. What are some ways I can help her feel better about herself? I have ptsd too but it’s mainly self managed so I don’t that what I’m doing,2.0592277992277985,4.125228783783786,2.565289575289576,95.49959459459463,78.72972972972974,5.3096525096525085,18.679536679536678,6.1826913282559595,-0.27259227799227803,286,6,62,2,7,88,53,74,0.08199999999999999,0.733,0.185,0.6904,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,1,2,0,8,1,1,1,0,12,14,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,11,5,8,13,3,3,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,2,0,47,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391464596287849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629987950307618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015023635178013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905476086599805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068634687071753,0.15771313205717455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627693225817775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22281997194663947,0.2520690692316964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012931808036064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333800150473252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22061617350970011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6594014304229671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961593936707915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492074851657105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925181746478633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357322525196275,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kk20002,2020/01/31,"I’m honestly overflowing with rage from this latest news cycle re Kobe (TW: sexual assault) So not that I sleep well to begin with, but I’ve been averaging about 4 hours a night ever since the news broke about Kobe’s death. First reaction was meh, that’s sad but he’s a rapist. Then as the over the top wailing and gnashing of teeth reactions started pouring in, I started getting angrier and angrier. My attacker was a well liked Christian lawyer, so I’m sure if I were ever to come out publicly against him I’d get the same treatment, and I’m sure people think the world of him, kinda like Kobe.

Honestly I can’t stop fixating on it. It’s obviously not as bad as Kavanaugh (I almost lost my shit during that period) but I’m almost angrier because at least with Kav a lot of people were united with survivors. Now it feels like we’re on our own again, and it’s a jolt coming off of #MeToo. I mean if this had been just a normal celebrity death, I doubt I would be this worked up. But the over the top nature combined with the fierce bullshit criticism towards those of us who have brought it up has just pushed me into all out fury. I’ve gone from “Well that’s sad but let’s not forget he was very flawed” to “fuck him, fuck his fans, fuck the NBA, I want to light shit on fire and fist fight someone LET’S GO.” 

Yes I know this is the good ol’ PTSD acting up, as much as I would like to deny it. (That caused another wave of rage tears because I freaking HATE these episodes when I’m like it’s been 3 years, why am I still like this???) But even though I know that the anger and fixation are symptoms manifesting, I can’t seem to get ahold of it. Part of me doesn’t WANT to get ahold of it. A very large part of me would like to get a megaphone, drive to LA, and stand on the corner like a demented street preacher to yell at those Lakers fans that their precious hero is a rapist. 

And part of my rage is the hypocrisy in all of this. Think of the other men that #MeToo has taken down- Cosby, Weinstein, Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Roy Moore... do you think for a second that the progressive crowd will hesitate to tear them apart anew the moment their hearts stop? Spoiler alert, they will not, there will be no “now is not the right time” talking points for Weinstein when he kicks the bucket. But Bryant could throw a ball into a hoop good, so he gets a pass and the country is ready to build him a memorial on the National Mall. 

Oh and I don’t exactly enjoy feeling like a white hot burning ball of fury for 90% of my day for the past week while I get no sleep. But the twitter trends and the crying celebrities and the silenced journalist and all of these people tripping over themselves to see who can prostrate themselves at his feet the fastest has so thoroughly disgusted me that I would like to WWE chair slam the next person who tweets #GirlDad. Shit we haven’t even GOTTEN to his funeral yet. It’s gonna be another week of this nonsense. Sorry for the longish rant, I’m just at the end of my rope and at a loss as to how to diffuse my anger. Oh well, off to get a whole 3 hours of sleep before I have to be at work and start the process all over again.",3.8929554515513933,4.843444560062405,4.3425564222568935,89.29950979372512,71.41809672386896,7.632255156872941,26.100918703414802,7.870641169985416,1.2510080845900502,2477,76,535,31,45,781,309,641,0.256,0.624,0.12,-0.9990000000000001,0,0,0,0,1,0,67.0,3,1,4,9,29,49,18,1,47,1,42,15,9,2,10,85,85,41,3,10,18,0,4,10,0,8,1,1,0,2,35,27,0,2,9,3,0,11,12,26,4,2,14,8,44,23,87,56,13,84,1,5,2,5,28,38,6,8,44,330,79,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414596662157236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094500078009587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188242756053163,0.0,0.0,0.060096466790438986,0.08775109231856502,0.0,0.061245778637865886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393857981315224,0.0,0.12400089723497155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746651379166619,0.0,0.07906161588325494,0.04641818959551457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374885603766806,0.0,0.0,0.09507816824114547,0.13021177071677914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278586692186813,0.10283850459050224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122225294235559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962033969550708,0.3008334777068637,0.0,0.04090528816246125,0.12073912987946757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106082318344553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529121570818735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176257482769078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911161374083514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719948075839615,0.0,0.3516355313366922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856967001732654,0.06119092567893985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840232944337272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052910213101968535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654667253632431,0.0675440531179675,0.07052062684444851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338270880147517,0.068708679726828,0.14969607481934502,0.06284615791424847,0.0,0.0,0.06804003358775677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413541082687913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061466612861860476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057355088670478366,0.06552371644076281,0.0,0.0,0.2216451937470477,0.05953880872635371,0.0,0.2160821903942883,0.0,0.06098453726581603,0.0,0.0,0.08057058663155059,0.15283371185111153,0.0,0.0574796610007897,0.12034934293692205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567195748082156,0.07481001717117497,0.0,0.05785111381447965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835682294535795,0.0707154817758389,0.0,0.041969444471084576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865775645669408,0.0,0.0,0.1187745138218976,0.08490593154570185,0.0,0.11546867607474293,0.0,0.25885817517807463,0.0,0.06494661879400711,0.08035798270436949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479792161667008,0.0,0.0,0.20451708468093235,0.0,0.0,0.04634980874944609
ptsd,5Five12,2020/01/31,"How can she bring him back into our lives? Help. Please help me. I can't do this. My sister is dating her kids dad. She didn't tell me. She just posted about it on Facebook. It's been 13 years, but I will never, ever be over the night I had to watch him try to murder her and her 2 girls. I will never forget being in the bedroom and hearing her scream. Going out to see what was the matter and being told to mind my own business. Hearing it again and going out to see him throwing her on the floor and kicking her. I will never forget him knocking me down and hitting me as I ran to get the babies. I locked them in a closet while they screamed. They were 8 and 18 months old. He smashed all of the phones so I couldn't call for help. I couldn't leave the house because I couldn't leave the babies. I watched him break my sisters ribs. I watched her blood fly everywhere. My parents were gone and I couldn't get a hold of them. I was 13 and I was all alone. I watched him smash her head on the floor. Stomp on her. Throw her around. I cradled my sister when he heard the sirens and he ran away. I thought she was dying. I watched her tell the police that nothing happened even though the evidence was all around the house. I picked up the phone in the garage an hour later when he broke into somebody's house and called me to tell me that I would be next if I didn't keep my mouth shut. I cleaned her blood. I picked up all of the pieces of broken everything around the house, because I was all alone. I watched my nieces be dragged from foster home to foster home for years afterwards. I waited more than 18 hours for my parents to get home and tell them what happened. I didn't leave my house for months. I couldn't sleep alone. My mom couldn't leave me. It ruined my life. I tried to kill myself when I was 14. And 15. And 16. It wasn't the first time I watched him beat her up, but it was the worst one. It completely changed who I was as a person. It took me 12 years to get out of the horrible state that night put me in. And tonight it's like I'm 13 again... Pushing a dresser against the bedroom door of the room I had the babies in the closet in, sitting against the dresser with my hands over my ears, shaking, trying to drown out the screams of my sister and of the babies after I accepted there was nothing I could do but wait. I couldn't help her or he'd kill me too. I really thought when the screams stopped that I would go out to find my sisters dead body. I've been doing so good... I've been managing. But tonight I'm 13 years old again. Right now I'm sitting on the floor against my bed just trying to breathe. I didn't know where to turn. Brad is on nights and honestly, I don't have any friends. The baby is asleep and I'm alone. Just like I was alone then. I can't do this. I went to therapy for years. Was put in the psych ward at the hospital. Diagnosed with severe PTSD. My sister says I'm not allowed to have PTSD because she doesn't. I don't know how she can't. How she can let him around her kids. I tried to forgive him once. I tried. And I wouldn't let him see my niece who I had custody of and he told me he wishes he'd murdered us all that night. But my sister doesn't care. And tonight I feel like I've lost her all over again. Because I will never be in the same room as that man. I will not welcome them into my home. And because of this I'm going to lose access to my niece and my nephew who she has custody of again. I feel crushed. I feel defeated. I feel scared. And I'm so sorry if you had to read all of this... I needed somebody, anybody, to hear me tonight....",0.6975743791906729,2.700295733245732,1.8291918528252324,99.32541047542036,83.12614980289094,4.638437952761212,20.00608174129856,5.5493579328531215,-0.3857781394251827,2787,78,658,14,78,878,276,761,0.158,0.7859999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9983,3,5,0,0,0,2,92.0,2,1,6,5,32,26,4,2,38,0,71,13,11,6,13,104,120,48,7,15,13,12,5,3,1,8,2,10,15,5,24,38,0,5,11,1,0,16,26,16,0,2,37,25,136,10,86,56,13,109,0,5,10,0,93,43,0,3,48,434,160,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898817711766041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806697816009007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932924945715474,0.0,0.0,0.052593199370654285,0.043043647707653725,0.0,0.1706184294884134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062178969032687714,0.0,0.0,0.11431964926722048,0.0,0.05707332961389309,0.0,0.0592173305050159,0.0,0.05869189664028365,0.0,0.0,0.0446938998580829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056816519422687076,0.058096354588997624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03697295911724478,0.05063533053229469,0.0,0.0,0.05030944148986581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321669030013393,0.039990713917201784,0.0,0.0,0.05116290286201385,0.047614881459690624,0.0,0.0,0.043248485063996575,0.0,0.11698483551075653,0.0,0.1272544118076775,0.04695171347393935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900236941437923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744960571293317,0.0,0.1892739155165417,0.0,0.1500835670414396,0.0,0.2246021023687357,0.0,0.11025416203151744,0.3229556389872929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975584273549017,0.12386278683567588,0.0,0.061528119749226624,0.0,0.0,0.2370905934592905,0.0,0.11448265116669795,0.0395389361777464,0.08204410979800046,0.0,0.04942962370692371,0.0,0.0,0.06262509396949295,0.061106629442801916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056521850072381835,0.0655607890688622,0.08936225472377772,0.0,0.0,0.04150699797818961,0.1726948224845659,0.0,0.059533267133808326,0.2101263464150672,0.0,0.10742485393847544,0.0,0.11747904635282727,0.059614772192768874,0.03793216004885621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243139496180947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488778543008124,0.0,0.06144706413407169,0.0,0.0,0.05361147643651711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087063675543598,0.11254675742478977,0.0,0.0,0.0559931757899878,0.0,0.03586095771382312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047804929490292816,0.0,0.04451597413489943,0.056043770813960087,0.0,0.13382172087294292,0.0,0.0,0.06323923738309509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601845400267443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266281861941893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680013738704398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957090529091348,0.0,0.06401575279765485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054998127646361146,0.08888060180451897,0.03264123790578803,0.0,0.0,0.10697880801957764,0.06219364807436325,0.2280324364210773,0.0608880192515826,0.0,0.0,0.06733467449825907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189219216477329,0.0,0.0,0.0643719688420235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953036906966708,0.0,0.0,0.18024007147876228
ptsd,goodluckcat87,2020/01/31,"Were these flashbacks? I am diagnosed with cPTSD. I mostly have symptoms surrounding relationships and self worth.

I always thought I never got flashbacks but I might be wrong?

I know I get emotional flashbacks, but today I was really upset. And flashes of my abuse kept going through my mind. Sort of like I had my eyes closed for a second and I was kind of back in that moment. I was crying a lot too. Very disregulated.
   
I didn’t feel like I broke from reality and was stuck literally seeing and feeling everything if that makes sense? Like my brain was back there. It was just flashes.",2.4946623376623367,5.396182336363636,3.5651948051948037,83.49636363636365,84.72727272727272,6.4155844155844175,23.311688311688307,7.7094869923839395,1.5292597402597408,467,17,84,9,14,150,75,110,0.203,0.675,0.122,-0.9304,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,13,4,2,1,1,23,24,8,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,4,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,13,4,17,4,8,9,2,9,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,5,8,61,21,0,0.0,0.2239122043591841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724776759897938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906302548222153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096588158069735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758733106584726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181226960686612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257877914305226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984440885992969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911094743615616,0.13500843905257626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873504676504384,0.0,0.1074025556050289,0.0,0.15114578914559215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967951767824445,0.10385930371713054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769804815242786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066533431212213,0.0,0.0,0.1261466352463822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047953327319173,0.19081746743594932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575420224039853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106640391311305,0.0,0.0,0.20289543323655068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059380771739728,0.0,0.197148945669226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196424163964546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003022122243392,0.0,0.0,0.17913238844774845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592954967767994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662163051401355,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gnusymas,2020/01/31,"Diagnosed in 2012 I was diagnosed in 2012 and I thought I was over it and finally moved from that. I recently got out of a relationship and my therapist who I recently started going to says that even though the relationship helped with the nightmares and flashbacks, all the other symptoms are still present due to my now ex. 

Breathing techniques don't work. A grounding technique I use to fall asleep/or calm anxiety is to rub my hands through people's hair or their back. 

Is there any other technique that helps you to kick back the constant fight or flight feeling? I need to practice at least 3 times a day to bring those levels down.",6.244500000000002,7.41207245,5.698333333333334,80.92500000000003,66.16666666666666,9.0,35.0,9.188382445141503,3.116750000000001,514,24,94,9,8,157,84,120,0.038,0.904,0.057,0.2732,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,1,1,1,7,2,1,0,7,0,6,6,3,1,1,13,14,7,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,4,5,12,1,17,10,2,25,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,2,13,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204962767169431,0.0,0.13555099063840886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724986082833209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914810321766057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142738403782523,0.0,0.0,0.35969122727095265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703329573731552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959333195564786,0.0,0.0,0.19410459588489065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070199658444244,0.0,0.1417162064398736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375354165076759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832649225407694,0.0,0.13138523086954956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284225579254204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34991040296866954,0.3804746564862822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409097700144432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254170354673302,0.0,0.1415053379599063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416978420328667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573295534476493,0.0,0.0,0.17408972101540754,0.14067023582441895,0.10332177191839652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303653990919122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899750153066258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CrucifiedKid,2020/01/31,"Do you have that do not have anything to do with your trauma? Hi beautiful people!

I was wondering if any of you could relate to my story.

I have been diagnosed 5 years ago, but I have PTSD since the age of 8 (now 21). I have PTSD because I have seen multiple suicide attempts and a car accident. This caused my extreme obsession with blood/wounds. I have been so extremely scared of it that it completely changed my life. 

I have been in therapy for more than 3 years. And I am very proud to say that I am cured! But, I am cured for my obsession with blood. However, nowadays I experience an extreme fear when it comes to situations which I can’t really relate to my orginal traumas. Things like sufficating or not being able to ‘escape’ from certain situations. Just because I am afraid that I will get triggered again and I will fall back in my old routines. Quite some time has passed since I got triggered. Before my treatment I was slightly afraid of these things, but nothing to worry about. 

I feel like these fears are growing, even though I can’t really understand why. Being afraid has been such a big part of my life. Now that I am cured, it almost feels like my mind is making up fears, just so I can stay afraid for at least something. Like my mind finds it ‘comfortable’.

Is there anyone who can relate to this? Or has some experience how to deal with this?",4.0346915584415575,5.788237458333335,4.554523809523811,84.80000000000003,72.14393939393939,8.05887445887446,26.96536796536797,8.704169506293173,1.9338367965367973,1075,38,212,20,21,341,144,264,0.142,0.76,0.098,-0.9476,1,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,3,0,3,15,19,0,10,4,0,37,4,1,5,1,35,46,14,1,2,10,0,2,4,0,2,3,1,0,0,19,8,0,0,5,0,0,5,4,12,0,0,8,4,34,7,28,33,5,22,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,7,15,152,53,0,0.11189893351390713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919165296477447,0.0,0.11205061814672088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760951119673892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824233609272001,0.0,0.09208328787490247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604337276324052,0.0,0.13642510252345386,0.0,0.09521775067444824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495102869863424,0.11837423438862253,0.09639102301352356,0.11732390282303015,0.0,0.0,0.08934219311176476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536288698715602,0.0,0.11357506206256973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390819024195926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21891725739699466,0.0,0.3777522298754191,0.11315892594277745,0.15988124092159872,0.0,0.0,0.10227359801160507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058462574302854536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949579929318667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580750519709731,0.21867266672575994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469340702999193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259720480976421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737004463751974,0.0,0.1174191072961614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117564052409435,0.0,0.07757663110884955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616077303343497,0.0,0.0,0.11901828970402308,0.0,0.0,0.14337064428991822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898652322458364,0.11203035337420388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512790826875355,0.2515581793023169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614526590626986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926937449896798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239927133238294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796618256190812,0.0,0.1486813585017209,0.0,0.10994013403549636,0.0,0.0652491679993454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649073611582167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232833915332136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009713827305778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134962010690635,0.0,0.11363879868686433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411848886461964
ptsd,MasterMr,2020/01/31,"PTSD and Hairloss? Hey!, I am a combat veteran and currently diagnosed with PTSD.
I served as a combat medic in the military and witnessed a whole lot of action (people died around me, I tried to save whomever I could, treated those who I could save, seen a lot of bodies and traumatic scenes).
All that happened around December of 2018, in March of 2019 I was diagnosed with PTSD and since then lived a pretty stressful life, had to support myself financially and didn’t get too much sleep, also maintained a full-time job, working mostly at night time.
Since then I had about 3 cycles of hairloss, and when I say hairloss I mean, the worst kind of hair loss, like, losing 30% of my hair in 1 WEEK.
It usually grows back after a month or two, but I would love to know if any of you guys and gals have experienced anything like that, and if so, how did you cope with it?
I am only 20 years old so I don’t feel like I am ready to cope with so much stress right now, and would really like to just find a way to heal myself.
The stress also makes me do those weird “tics” with my eyebrow, which makes me feel awkward sometimes.

Any idea on how to control my stress?",5.908023411371237,5.611677795652177,5.9317391304347815,84.04687290969902,66.69565217391305,8.989966555183946,28.996655518394647,8.384062270229773,1.801892976588628,903,26,188,11,13,285,136,230,0.13699999999999998,0.745,0.11800000000000001,-0.3888,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,0,4,15,19,0,5,11,0,15,10,4,5,1,43,26,25,1,6,5,0,4,4,0,2,5,1,0,1,8,17,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,9,0,1,6,7,23,10,30,16,8,26,0,2,1,1,7,8,0,6,19,124,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192060978174616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769115529865306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331056991300191,0.1802472639616012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784607378355979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245303009585783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354746424051365,0.1616612351098998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055096720958014,0.10506946661694726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237834495922044,0.07232472692369349,0.0,0.0,0.0925300554968819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289288095760439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024192399571934,0.08952477502050335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428582092027617,0.0,0.0,0.10046348195656836,0.0,0.0,0.10542420548353626,0.05563797220780528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150766970126017,0.19783985682687905,0.0,0.08939535423013352,0.0,0.0,0.11325986400972828,0.0,0.17213851981064612,0.09137160069651648,0.0,0.1351548245511437,0.0,0.0,0.11027828710175712,0.0,0.10198702834612096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808075180098585,0.0,0.14884373238650633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500537209343313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623266146630833,0.0,0.0,0.07699635850767518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701859533772193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299583974038602,0.0,0.0,0.3550267851655706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064855905779635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645703295395872,0.0,0.08050883211824604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749088678962562,0.0,0.1013115043862264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012735758625374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638729404243953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114884126639534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903292006427425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873422218320208,0.0,0.09889519771893067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149978508858116,0.0,0.0,0.08035832269980478,0.08120733083975132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302904837784213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370275455946594,0.0,0.0,0.14383369691807465,0.0,0.0,0.06519420472161762
ptsd,ControlRandomized,2020/02/01,"EMDR Song Hello r/ptsd, I hope you all are doing well enough today.

I am a psychotherapist, and I have written a song about EMDR with my wife. Music has always been a bridge and a positive guide for me, so I'm hoping someone can get something helpful from it. I'm hesitant to write too much, as I would rather let the song do the talking.

Thank you for your time and listening.

[https://soundcloud.com/user-827425340/control-randomized-crash-master/s-vKk5h](https://soundcloud.com/user-827425340/control-randomized-crash-master/s-vKk5h)",11.657142857142858,15.94857055844156,6.936363636363637,64.92454545454547,57.701298701298704,6.997402597402598,23.98701298701299,7.957251820313856,1.3995246753246755,451,10,59,5,7,119,60,77,0.026000000000000002,0.757,0.218,0.9322,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,0,10,0,0,0,1,10,18,5,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,9,4,7,14,3,2,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,2,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714601433347336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5045191354109397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323957250674305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750799874138874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075474979307912,0.0,0.0,0.4467796245184065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299892489564641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533727035927895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629117962512075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056844292465352,0.1731493680940474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077691781162328,0.0,0.20707009386887576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114884595099624,0.0,0.21319165955682054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022242095852312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977206734083624,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,k8ttemple,2020/02/01,"Fear of being alone I may be feeling fine and as soon as someone or something reminds me of the loss of my brother, loss of my father, or potential losses of supports Im overcome with sadness and fear and am reduced to tears. Does this happen to you ? How are you getting past it?",2.6735714285714285,4.656889214285716,3.949428571428573,86.69557142857144,76.5,5.194285714285715,30.84285714285714,5.6839178017228535,1.4967471428571426,220,11,41,1,5,72,42,56,0.299,0.617,0.083,-0.9332,0,1,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,3,2,8,0,2,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,9,8,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,6,2,10,6,0,2,0,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884688455696173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437399023394529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6268381710991429,0.14083106975617415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551829316468212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24629954392875364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30085577999373997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658844986445121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359941011886132,0.21442285442237186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160679039907104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,boschde3,2020/02/01,"What do you think, do i have ptsd? Or something else? This is my first post and and would like to know your opinion. What do you think of my situation? What would you do?  

Iam 24 years old and for more than a decade iam suffering. My current situation is really difficult. This year i wanted to go to university again, but my medical condition is a living hell. My problem is my body is 24/7 in an ""emergency situation"". That means it feels to me like my own body is a prison/enemy to me. I can barely breathe, i dont sleep well (for years) and my stomach is so hard to the point i feel emotionless. It feels to me this is taking 80% of my energy. Over the year  ""being depressed"" became the new normal for me.

The relationship to my parents is really difficult. I experienced a lot of abuses. Want some examples?
- At age 7 i was trying to sleep in a room with my brother in the evening. I was scared of ""monsters"" under the bed, so i asked my little brother if he could come to sleep beside me (children), so i dont need to be scared anymore. A few moments later my fundamental religious father came into the room, took the blanket away and throw me aggresively to the ground. Then he started to beat my little childrens body with his foot. My stomach hurt was hit by his foot. 1 Minute later my mum came to him, but she just observed and didnt do anything. Then it began to hurt so much, i was thinking i would die. So i crawled on my knees to my mothers feet and told her  ""mommy please tell him to stop"". But he kept going by this time punching me in the face, so blood came out of my nose. As he noticed the blood, he grabbed me by my t-shirt and pulled me like a dog to the bathroom, where he forced me to wash my blood. I was so little i couldnt reach the water so he gave me something to stand above. While cleaning the blood i was crying and most importantly my body was vibrating enormously.

- At age 8 i should take my little brother to play with my friend outdoors. Like most children i wanted to play with my own friends and don't want to ( Alone the fact letting a 5years and 8 years old playing for several hours alone on the street is crazy). Then my father saw me coming down the street and asked where i was, i said ""i was on the playground"". As he knew i didnt take my brother with me, he was so aggressive i got scared of him. I literally was so scared i began to run away from him. I ran the street down and now comes the crazy thing. He began to run wild after me and i screamed as loud as a i could ""HELP"", but nobody noticed. As i couldnt run anymore, i instinctively put my hands before my face, in fear he would punch me in the face. 

-At Age 6 i behave badly in the opinion of my parents and they scared to beat me, so i left the building block and waited infront of the bus stop for several hours in the cold. I Brief the whole time and each time a bus come by (every 20 minutes) i started to control it, so no stranger noticed me. Every two minutes i looked to the door, to look if they let me in again.

- At age 16 i was really hungry and cooked a little meal for myself. My father told me i should share it with my brother. I told him no, there is enough left he can cook for himself, he is old enough. He was so angry he took my plate with the food on it and threw it in front of me into the garbage. Then he became more aggressive and and destroyed the plate with a spoon in front my eyes and forced me to clean everything up. At this time school already was really hard for me emotional, so i cried silently desperate while cleaning everything.

- One day at age 15 or so he came in a aggressive mood in my childrens room ( dont remember why), we had a discussion and then began to threat me by coming really near to me, holding his fingers between his teeths saying ""iam craazy"".",3.1951898564336503,4.4175348495460485,4.332831745605798,87.67479571984438,73.39688715953308,7.392468357261058,25.61476362985823,7.873277556716777,1.2776328368889485,2943,95,630,40,58,963,308,771,0.175,0.7659999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.9987,3,2,2,0,1,0,103.0,1,4,2,4,24,33,6,6,45,0,55,33,26,1,1,95,107,58,1,19,9,12,8,4,2,6,2,4,8,4,17,45,5,7,10,5,0,24,10,21,1,3,38,19,118,11,105,54,14,123,1,4,4,0,67,52,1,10,49,421,135,1,0.0,0.06345528735402575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093605195633154,0.059100549961428876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622663167007136,0.0,0.0,0.04407215315045946,0.0,0.10013555271772197,0.0,0.10063554314317467,0.0,0.044717153261182765,0.0,0.0,0.045572344202864865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379552640099948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24501590000231305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23066943126274486,0.0,0.0,0.06006778298456029,0.08552046540668315,0.0,0.11765784523927245,0.03453929006321375,0.0,0.04612783873087563,0.0,0.055582834555264575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883022480820804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473929620549662,0.06024346709682631,0.0,0.11067565132902006,0.0,0.03537333597212601,0.0,0.09024674266354933,0.0,0.09626563947709553,0.0,0.0,0.0602655650560402,0.08123880504679802,0.038260528584485386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04555483897854978,0.06476031648313699,0.0,0.08275470662777873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060874395372762076,0.0,0.0428337504426482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959515926427447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035897562486253365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054840512899882,0.0,0.11466594545659604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029433062751629494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637784050711955,0.10952959620725886,0.0,0.1046593304840472,0.2683866903550204,0.047291066988069466,0.0,0.08994736524200404,0.0,0.0,0.04553152868903975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058338354465637475,0.0,0.053952192828883916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393699369484228,0.039711211104875965,0.0,0.05172486924443258,0.0,0.0,0.052473661882225416,0.0,0.18292211589861548,0.16859452998388516,0.0,0.036291037384963205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893554670369327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878857673313726,0.05062787834847883,0.0,0.051291993208791256,0.0,0.0,0.05124600842478145,0.0626042804439327,0.05383872914169294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154722475291545,0.0,0.0,0.057499268767824935,0.06066868465809951,0.0,0.05094416864166498,0.042590004879155416,0.2680952757744499,0.05420168915120899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210064243697437,0.0,0.0,0.18059808995184934,0.16078450100182473,0.0,0.0,0.08246029089156696,0.0,0.0,0.07581464581107893,0.0,0.0,0.08955068909058031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208026926154556,0.0,0.046810440972470516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035580330338596484,0.10294986688572187,0.0,0.0,0.12491610112418587,0.0,0.0,0.15352560661863868,0.11900571992034607,0.03636111444081031,0.0,0.052316582448843234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635523372620916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048153416126410456,0.0,0.04832610070962234,0.05979353563132352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217902663226998,0.0,0.0,0.1724420429492899
ptsd,owufcjneldshwn,2020/02/01,"I’m missing a gap in my childhood. Hey, everyone.
A bit of background; I grew up in an emotionally and somewhat physically abusive household. My mother is psychotic, and didn’t take her medication. She’d have frequent episodes of squeezing “worms” out of her face and being entirely delusional and out of touch with reality most of the time. My eldest brother was physically abusive toward my mother and sister, and my mother would purposely put me in harms way in hopes of shielding herself from my brother. Police were involved. I witnessed countless traumatic things as a young child, most of which I didn’t remember until recently when I started seeing a therapist, who asked about these kind of things. It all started at 4 years old and 12 years later, it’s still happening. It happens less frequently and (usually) not as severe. So, to the part about me forgetting a chunk of my childhood: My brother and I were talking the other night and a few traumatic memories came up. We also realised that (we think, roughly) 1 year and a half - 2 years of our lives are just gone. Blank. We’re pretty sure this has something to do with witnessing even more terrible things that our brains must’ve shut out. (Also to add in, this isn’t the abusive brother, this is my other older brother) my therapist said she thinks I may have PSTD and that she’ll look into it with me. I’m not necessarily saying that I have PTSD, I’m not really one to self diagnose. Though, is this common? I’ve been having flashbacks the past few years the more I’ve started to remember and think about my childhood, usually waking up from them in the middle of the night. But I didn’t even realise that I had a whole chunk of my life missing until a day or two ago. Any comments are really appreciated, and thank you for taking the time to read this.",6.2216061489530885,7.089412868804665,6.728355420090118,74.59273456135703,66.08454810495627,9.734905910416117,33.958256029684605,9.800150414767053,3.3944822157434418,1446,63,253,30,22,472,187,343,0.08900000000000001,0.862,0.05,-0.9362,0,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,4,1,1,0,12,8,0,0,19,0,25,6,3,0,2,45,48,25,0,2,6,9,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,22,25,0,0,5,1,0,4,7,4,0,3,11,7,36,4,46,32,12,54,0,2,2,0,31,17,0,6,32,188,58,1,0.0,0.35054912361914464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742152826633957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577342879666859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706563287285686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219728229652167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766854285129084,0.0,0.0,0.11009360434119393,0.0,0.11279610231607405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360235879970301,0.0,0.0,0.10009819578246387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093530303077492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027642446176335,0.0,0.0,0.09423655108167713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442037381493067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795286315192143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269855090598737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965889876334183,0.0,0.0,0.0870841121832867,0.0,0.08281676587358283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935023910604816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509817546224555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348610493611883,0.0,0.06682811304886145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679688629678237,0.09414486300994976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033296852623476,0.0,0.0,0.11528262161453785,0.0991413014547458,0.0,0.0,0.09864764560833146,0.0,0.12635822125885365,0.0,0.09737629768850144,0.0,0.223436639402162,0.0,0.09381111443719901,0.07842734366130451,0.0,0.0,0.07858813453080142,0.0,0.10288316697545664,0.1114136104961599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592323117259417,0.0,0.0,0.20941326369144148,0.0,0.07875882395488319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929490851964108,0.0,0.14830137283533065,0.07926778984388785,0.0,0.0907969274089306,0.0,0.2290130654478515,0.1965581457174406,0.1895769820417118,0.0968945898966163,0.0,0.11501334667011982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963383451714168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723410297295614,0.0,0.0,0.07828072553787901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101067769536086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005749854687814,0.0,0.0,0.3175433156773469
ptsd,garden_knight,2020/02/01,Anyon have stories of reclaimation? Stories about taking back things / places that were triggering before and are okay (even if not 100%)? Any advice for those attempting to reclaim something? Interested to hear people's thoughts,6.635833333333334,10.632410916666672,4.918000000000003,72.62700000000002,78.72222222222223,7.3244444444444445,32.2,8.238735603445708,3.632173333333333,187,9,23,4,5,54,34,36,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.6298,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307289397421938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301572696924076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366517636135887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260246778515818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879956012269904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223542706413078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814571904996516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346382723715505,0.0,0.3536076979796641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605549645082384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544719076022454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485081263550308,0.0,0.0,0.2686911022187867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Stealth0109,2020/02/01,"My GF has PTSD and I would like advice on how to better help her through episodes/attacks so she doesn’t have to feel like she’s going through it alone Just some background info, my GF and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and I’ve known about her PTSD since before we started dating. Recently, I accidentally triggered her PTSD and when I tried to comfort her and talk to her she slapped my hand and refused to talk to me. So I had to helplessly watch her go through this entire episode. I want to be better and help her in any way I can, any advice is welcome. Thank you!",4.266101694915253,5.064902516949157,4.5625,88.62307203389831,70.44067796610169,6.9169491525423705,28.309322033898304,6.6274283507984215,1.1537423728813558,459,16,97,3,8,144,74,118,0.07200000000000001,0.7040000000000001,0.22399999999999998,0.9567,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,0,2,7,8,0,0,0,0,10,1,1,2,0,19,16,11,0,2,1,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,23,7,15,12,1,12,0,1,1,0,20,2,0,2,9,64,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172516423809789,0.0,0.0,0.16254884132160244,0.16812367734243733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22077829618646685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846724405339352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381298497176897,0.0,0.0,0.2871332579412243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207831693132782,0.1159677246351112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184510391808334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176111410633048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586113008249273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5692610288540461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602801030251259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342800579019315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489715764529268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26094747539888513,0.0,0.14945054623068446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102105972630898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574572995384577,0.12884904285670362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531371957369227,0.0,0.0,0.10453442276993698
ptsd,lunasplorin,2020/02/01,"dealing in triggering environments or just avoid them? advice... /please/ hello 

tl;dr: how do you deal in a triggering environment that you cannot escape? or is it impossible and you must just avoid environments such as those? 

details below

tw: very light mention of domestic violence, medical problems, men, fear

background: i (23f) have been through an inordinate amount of trauma, a large sum of it at the hands of angry people and bad men. i’m in great shape but my heart rate usually sits, resting, at around 95+. i’m nearly always in a state of panic, even though i seem externally very relaxed. this continuous level of stress is obviously not good for someone and has actually caused some really severe health problems. that being said, i can’t handle being around trigger right now and i won’t heal in doing so. 

my partner (22m) is a mental health wreck. he has a case of long untreated bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, anger management issues, anxiety disorders, unable to handle stress in any capacity, even a crumb of annoyance will set him off, bouts of delirium, psychosis, history of heavy and severe drug abuse, alcohol abuse, self harm, suicide attempts resulting in hospitalization, five or six inpatient stays with psychiatric hospitals, etc. (all of which can be remedied with counseling and med management but he never stays on it.) (in my defense i rejected his proposal for relationship for about 6 months, knowing i wanted to be alone and heal, but after about a hundred times of “let me take care of you,” “you need somewhere safe i can give you that,” “i’ll be so gentle and kind” etc. i believed him. (do not ever do that, lmao. he put on a really good show) and now we’re stuck together. our financial situation and life circumstance will keep us in the same house together for at least another year. we also have mad history and depth so it’s not the easiest thing to uncouple from. he’s currently in counseling and it’s helpful, but only so. 

situation: that all being said... i can’t handle being around his constant negativity and anger anymore... he rages a lot, slams stuff, curses, says mean things about things and people, it’s so toxic and terrible i shake everytime he’s home. he does it in the morning too, complaining about EVERYTHING. if we’re out of toilet paper it’s “of COURSE there’s no F***ING tp, oh my GOD.” when all he has to do is grab a roll from the cupboard and put it on... it’s literally everything. all the time. i can’t keep being in fight or flight mode constantly it’s actually literally medically killing me. i can’t live like this. i was in a relationship before w a man that had anger problems, and anytime he became upset like i showed above, i would end up badly injured so it’s a very potent and literal trigger that’s constantly happening. i’m sick to my stomach even right now. my dog is scared. all the time. i can’t take that. my dog. 

question: what can i do to protect and help myself? how do i bring my heart rate down? calm myself in his terror? earbuds? what else? what can i do for ME in this situation to help? i’m honestly thinking we’ll have to quietly prepare ourselves to separate in the YEAR at least it’ll take to be able to do that, but in the meantime... do i just avoid him? is it possible to heal and thrive in a triggering environment? as someone w ptsd so severe, do i deal or do i just avoid that environment entirely? 

thank you..",3.307308886765409,5.910102451863357,4.929590062111803,77.36658050645009,77.27639751552796,8.683573817486861,28.075394171046344,9.306348229778992,2.9740350979455332,2705,117,482,76,65,909,317,644,0.243,0.667,0.08900000000000001,-0.9989,2,6,2,0,4,1,115.0,4,7,1,1,33,43,9,12,24,0,54,17,4,9,9,85,77,45,2,8,18,0,2,2,1,7,13,4,1,6,36,27,1,9,5,3,0,4,13,31,0,2,6,7,53,12,78,54,14,69,0,1,0,0,50,39,0,10,23,321,89,3,0.06637576926202501,0.15728886545877696,0.1295463519598203,0.0,0.0,0.06486163351856611,0.0,0.07093551118067598,0.0,0.06874527907082402,0.0,0.05308067869793647,0.05522995727801744,0.0,0.0,0.04513779922029057,0.06960078148116905,0.050777281806979366,0.0,0.06582692740667613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726552137045784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108419896321132,0.0,0.0,0.05648089083557455,0.07478276217183588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767452047576121,0.06818619907923151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21518587844464876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052915106767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282171463037405,0.0,0.05808588297961381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769748194318976,0.0,0.05544843806573894,0.0,0.05878923019406565,0.0,0.1480530567387348,0.1315217087783354,0.06004068338200761,0.0,0.0,0.11930852295679813,0.0,0.0,0.07469119398208274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367368610176398,0.0,0.1113456921598881,0.0,0.07317951993843283,0.0,0.0,0.058695873549064415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110867770926128,0.0,0.15731121232473666,0.13347083698550447,0.0,0.06658030851923523,0.0,0.0,0.07658872594700636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927905814330683,0.0,0.11799566700492704,0.07343495430004944,0.06912014950783213,0.03647838691007902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787372116637627,0.046883168794472484,0.06485569618363174,0.0,0.0586110203188337,0.058740467073243825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056430305406602724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230267144988313,0.0737285163040502,0.13373320889279589,0.0668911636685784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298050576317138,0.0,0.0,0.049216791863473115,0.051193085191251854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048176353048514,0.0,0.0778776637705676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920332018350518,0.05795676148682945,0.0,0.07286066238028607,0.0,0.074828706700339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053794082094155,0.07758972226342425,0.1334519624376428,0.07435605238188656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504403487592453,0.0,0.0,0.14252547149842354,0.0,0.11336908855745538,0.1262771129328079,0.0527846758454647,0.06645372437785659,0.0,0.0,0.06042600743659712,0.06924440335767415,0.2249571784635468,0.0,0.0,0.2238274370586897,0.0,0.0,0.11247994779640227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414954769123988,0.0,0.0,0.1520664388586693,0.0,0.07598437554135598,0.07260431834936593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971895375590732,0.0,0.0,0.06110989047062765,0.0,0.0,0.13229133516605124,0.04253091280701081,0.06521385629175164,0.0,0.11611273450945067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984187778930459,0.0,0.07310353234407291,0.16430088322223008,0.03915014844762412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04715144206988646,0.0,0.0,0.08548763837933117
ptsd,SomeEffinGuy15D,2020/02/01,"I'm having a great time. Went to the ER as a referral by the VA and got charged +$6,000 dollars for a possible pulmonary embolism. Have deep depression from my last two deployments. Crippling anxiety. Can't hold a job. Can't sleep. Can't eat and have extreme difficulty swallowing and breathing because I have a ""benign"" thyroid nodule the size of a golf ball in my throat that is choking off my trachea.

Oh yeah, fatty liver from alcoholism from dealing with, well, see above.

I'm having a great time, how are you?",2.9784848484848467,5.502087505050508,4.123525252525255,83.13195454545458,77.98989898989899,7.192323232323233,30.102020202020196,8.238735603445708,2.51987595959596,409,20,74,8,10,133,73,99,0.126,0.7490000000000001,0.125,0.2263,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,10,1,10,8,4,1,0,6,15,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,2,1,1,3,1,2,1,2,1,5,4,11,13,0,7,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,43,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24523356091838164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554386264398866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988273490775455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365734141316597,0.19764210802426732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23480501797091435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352805951872705,0.5059827993651901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22771349031507046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704861379955712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25869285915627943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285781868052944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296356429576234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676115143438457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22415877102201448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063210185788137,0.21272091714043653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BausHaug716,2020/02/01,"El Paso Shooting first responder Hey guys, having a bit of a time.  As the title states I was a first responder to the El Paso shooting that happened this summer.  It was obviously a traumatic experience and I've had a difficult time getting things back to normal. 

My wife in particular took it very hard as I messaged her on the way saying I was responding to a shooting.  She now suffers from anxiety anytime we go any place in public. 

My extended family and friends tend to minimize what happened since I wasn't shot etc. I suppose maybe it's a typical way to deal in America since this shit happens all the time. 

Any advice for my wife? I more or less am ""ok"" since I've been dealing with situations like this (not this bad) for over 14 years professionally so I can keep a lid on my issues. Her I feel awful for. I probably shouldn't have told her I was going there but I wanted to tell her since while going there we had very limited information and I figured it was possible I could die.",3.290217194570136,5.3201145948717965,5.161478129713423,78.4877375565611,74.84615384615384,8.690799396681749,28.393665158371054,9.325443323948027,2.740574660633484,786,33,148,20,17,269,119,195,0.11800000000000001,0.861,0.021,-0.9414,0,0,0,3,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,3,5,7,1,0,12,2,15,1,1,0,2,20,28,9,1,4,3,2,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,2,3,0,0,4,3,4,0,2,11,3,24,3,20,15,5,24,0,1,0,0,23,7,1,1,11,100,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157799584774205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921446064443854,0.0,0.0951779938585956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566831914512304,0.10388226617350876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358301832586412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933615070227778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565351202621627,0.0,0.0,0.12912429331587935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875686550721136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170284226688398,0.11728844838948152,0.0,0.06290853027694157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165658201095736,0.0,0.0,0.09612358831079752,0.0,0.06500228939003662,0.0,0.2121256502956138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319152284040992,0.3300623010944561,0.0,0.11145240874868302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985810850526106,0.0,0.11058676705290067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078343339178295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249927186182295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121901384887126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998836833031008,0.0,0.0,0.1402604852667121,0.0,0.0,0.1341416240679348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894069502470013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127711362761695,0.4116732118267363,0.13984893553209066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087451757136492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265654401538004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764412624636045,0.0,0.0,0.11888493764391135,0.13823089095954266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053126634299649,0.0733838530915395,0.1975114553210845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011990432634238
ptsd,Dizi81leMozi22,2020/02/01,"EMDR Recently my friend ended his own life in front of me and I’ve been suffering from PTSD. My therapist recommended EMDR to help but after the first session I have my doubts. I’m down to try anything and don’t want to count it out just yet, but I struggle with the whole “picturing a safe space” portion of it. 

Has anyone that has done EMDR felt the same way? Will it get better or is it better to try a different method for dealing with the trauma?",2.6834340659340654,4.600610461538462,4.147348901098901,85.58827609890113,76.25274725274723,7.187362637362638,23.46291208791209,8.07648339933343,1.3192076923076916,356,11,71,6,8,118,67,91,0.111,0.7070000000000001,0.18100000000000002,0.7359,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,2,8,0,2,6,0,8,1,0,0,0,14,12,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,1,7,4,14,8,4,11,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,51,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407559936967846,0.0,0.18133134156990408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897677790205297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271737635300024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302214746935466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22549712384356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951669209437019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157296676046114,0.0,0.0,0.18743173356610268,0.0,0.0,0.17024380364182987,0.0,0.11512509245291805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769764350970724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556414953469602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575802938912794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757152140861702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303602884966713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558462493169113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992097817422023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996962031632342,0.1749055669248131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460157096527679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,laspeyria,2020/02/01,"I don't want to sleep I'm sure I'm not the only one here that sometimes doesn't want to go to sleep because is scared of nightmares or something. If this has ever happened to you, what did you do? Do you have any tips? I'm already in therapy and will bring this up next session. Having my dog with me helps a lot too.",1.248695652173911,2.7597665507246423,2.7471739130434787,95.84945652173916,79.14492753623188,5.179710144927537,23.09420289855073,5.46131890053228,0.08330724637681186,248,8,58,1,6,81,53,69,0.084,0.843,0.07200000000000001,0.2302,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,10,2,2,0,2,10,18,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,6,1,8,16,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,2,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639260420781609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626413363749338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579360234735433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163396787348096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592376251252888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149403556703825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603081797620087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333069936758952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25435615311224913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206532538487295,0.18189680544882894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23944726430188004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786781962222962,0.0,0.0,0.1841219600987527,0.2365416603586081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22541147803423175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27350759338637665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28213304914238296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,apricotjuicer,2020/02/02,"My first session of CBT tomorrow I'm really really anxious about it, scared to talk about my trauma but I know that it's gonna possibly help me so I need to go and at least try. 

Can anyone that's had/having CBT please tell me what to expect? I'm getting all in my head about it.",1.5796721311475397,2.8836381147540986,3.8696393442622967,89.04872131147543,77.68852459016394,7.50295081967213,20.39672131147541,8.238735603445708,0.8164793442622957,219,5,50,4,5,76,44,61,0.094,0.7979999999999999,0.10800000000000001,0.4337,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,8,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,0,9,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,29,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204331093259962,0.0,0.19832808170414634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412645241733411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481904911329723,0.0,0.16119947258363493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910970554029588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011829536499456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588143957834358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103158888581808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113521704911937,0.0,0.31976212519999336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634148246930049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28397369233727193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22797954626873956,0.2479143603796993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257332855693413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ginger_Lupus,2020/02/02,"PTSD from police (triggerwarning for people who feel depressed etc) I'm really scared to post this because people here have experienced worse things than me. But I also wanted to share this. I have talked about it to some people but they don't seem to understand how I struggle with it. I sometimes don't even understand myself how I can get PTSD from this. It feels nice to talk about it as a random reddit user.

*(I have autism, so maybe that explains some things in the story below)*

# I marked triggering things as a spoiler.

So 4 years and 8 months ago (wow I thought it happened two years ago) >!I tried to commit suicide. I felt depressed for months, went to mental hospital (which made it worse cuz people there didn't know how to handle someone with little meltdown). I took some pills, took a train to a random place... But nothing happened.!< 

I went back home and noticed a police car. Worried and slowly I went inside the house. Turned out my parents knew I was gonna do something. Police asked my some questions. Cuz of the pills I had taken, I don't remember 'till today what they asked. I only remember they had a belt with gun which was a little intimidating. And One of the officers ended our conversation with ""You are wasting time"". As soon as they left, I threw some glasses cuz I was having a meltdown again. I mean, they knew I was suicidal, but still said that one sentence? And didn't see me staring with wild eyes after that?

>!I took some more pills and ruined my whole arm with the broken glass.!< Police was called again. So the same officers came in, took my arm to look at it (and for some reason, whenever someone grabs my arms now, I feel the anxiety coming up) and I had to go downstairs to wait for ambulance. 

The most traumatising moment was when I had to wait at a table and they talked to eachother but didn't say anything to me while I was having a panic attack. Every thought about not being usefull or worth anything came up in my head. Went into psychosis and was anxious af. Ambulance people were friendly luckily. And the rest isn't related to this topic. 

After a few weeks I was depressed cuz everything that happened was repeating in my head. 

After half a year I noticed I always became extremely angry whenever I saw policie officers being nice on tv. Avoiding police irl.. In my worst depressed months a few years later, I also had nightmares of police looking at me while I was dying. Or grabbing me so I was unable to move. 

I still feel anxious whenever I hear sirens, see police or people of army or security people... Can't watch any non fictional police series cuz it gets me angry, sad or anxious.",3.841582558654266,6.132223189243032,4.5566826029216525,82.26270872067289,74.07968127490041,6.772979194333776,25.896591412129265,7.715138304826218,1.6228184506418772,2099,74,368,29,45,672,243,502,0.198,0.752,0.051,-0.998,1,1,1,1,0,2,80.0,1,1,6,0,23,19,1,4,22,0,36,9,6,11,1,78,85,43,3,1,11,1,7,0,1,1,3,3,1,0,23,22,0,4,19,1,1,15,9,12,0,4,41,19,56,7,59,41,16,64,0,6,8,0,24,18,0,17,30,265,79,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807930831748595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065249944173578,0.05541913776377952,0.0,0.0,0.04529241079711546,0.0,0.0509512104375877,0.2257277296353171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961739838865024,0.0,0.12452986739328145,0.07577067296963387,0.0,0.05121369408369023,0.0,0.04060064849618005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800924012168635,0.15235246976937886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057372697123485264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294607053895251,0.0,0.06912353133978154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899060234196914,0.0,0.07428009319697902,0.043990737738118485,0.0,0.056116007709309926,0.0,0.059858596638526974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470617038731952,0.0,0.06394944741725597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145741129315873,0.0,0.06959477062643774,0.0,0.037852092377149385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177938518404644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670804817444035,0.0,0.07506656555629834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680836763295955,0.0,0.0,0.07685106713089716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03660333719603937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723644931921526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350766257514185,0.0,0.0,0.11185970578838622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302148988520041,0.0,0.0,0.0669117939063227,0.07255033150940356,0.0,0.0,0.06712028756183641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948594344753622,0.07078858437417643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390749738447384,0.15165620480048594,0.0,0.0,0.09026400614882232,0.05065467991531502,0.0,0.07814441998383008,0.07395489143156797,0.0,0.0,0.32321955872288555,0.0,0.06958609275875333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378738559154556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571098436759295,0.0,0.07461074593593271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04266766911525767,0.06847910807518516,0.0,0.0,0.15089672050236458,0.0,0.06335482646499375,0.05296548045059905,0.06668134989991191,0.0,0.10614813938149327,0.06063298607650399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286522803581114,0.051274341686041766,0.06587219639474756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637868773190966,0.0,0.0,0.0696280502268535,0.0,0.1457060232943657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059921364173874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274447582163507,0.0,0.0,0.10575088760382947,0.0388368194065192,0.0,0.06313197741959596,0.0,0.29599410236440216,0.04521915180665565,0.07244507743608165,0.06506157801105446,0.1386724097725825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03928425038190042,0.0,0.05342501165239712,0.0,0.0,0.2469670668163388,0.0,0.07436001361209207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763870923564601,0.13574855450889875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156092243909787
ptsd,iamnotstephanie,2020/02/02,"How do you survive? I struggle with everything I need to do to live. It's hard to work because I'm so afraid to leave the house. It's hard to attend class for the same reason, and schoolwork is difficult because my brain just won't work like it used to and I have no motivation to even try. I don't want to cook or clean or even do things I enjoy. 

I moved back in with my parents because I can't afford rent anywhere and it's been a miserable time. And with the smallest problem my brain says ""yup there's no way past this time to DIE"" like an overdramatic bitch. How the fuck do I live and work and be an independent adult if it seems like I can't do anything? 

How do y'all survive when it's so much work?",2.745225767609874,3.655204112582779,3.9861529199277537,90.93360626128842,74.09933774834437,7.080313064419025,25.647802528597232,7.348242739294969,0.9415907284768208,555,18,129,6,11,182,84,151,0.248,0.6990000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9778,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,7,11,11,2,3,7,1,14,4,2,7,0,25,20,15,1,4,4,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,8,9,1,0,3,1,1,2,6,7,0,0,1,3,14,4,14,17,2,9,0,1,0,1,5,1,2,4,8,81,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084879560570512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129220970304256,0.0,0.26856354248680825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278765284025595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241185492850978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939921126246507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198341534737035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576468056671262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26310569324212946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945045294458888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549778205048964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523717019311386,0.0,0.2593505458608317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608316362191302,0.10795500385575886,0.10889080044908432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630646172967565,0.0,0.14018930089241782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051998722622186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509909532006536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167846457811054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369088208686544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352427869990432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756364872832833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712641576766366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997046110284568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683519462865486,0.0,0.0,0.08661862833294859,0.11656631955953548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276474944600898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,polyglotinprogress,2020/02/02,"Nobody takes my PTSD seriously? I made a post yesterday that I deleted after a few hours because I didn't feel I explained everything well, so sorry if this seems familiar; I (15F) experienced a car accident just about a year ago, and afterward, I would get triggered by certain sounds and situations, I asked my mom to take me to a therapist to learn why it was happening where I was told I have PTSD. I don't find my PTSD particularly severe but I still can't do certain things without panicking. My best friend, who has been in worse accidents than I have, says I have to just ""man up"" and makes fun of me for calling her crying the first time my mom tried to get me back into the car with her. My mom has asked me multiple times to just attempt to ride with her despite the fact she has no license and was the driver during the accident that caused my trauma. My brother continuously tries to take me places with him and my father even though he only has a learner's permit and my dad continues to do things that trigger me as a joke just like he would do before the accident. I've already told my family what triggers me, and I've told my friend I can't help my reactions, how else can I get them to listen and take me seriously?",10.923495934959348,6.444923869918704,10.707398373983741,66.97947154471545,60.30081300813009,14.347967479674795,41.96747967479675,11.855464076750405,4.652938211382113,976,36,195,21,9,326,140,246,0.161,0.733,0.106,-0.9281,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,3,13,12,0,0,13,0,21,0,0,8,3,37,40,14,0,3,7,6,1,1,2,2,0,3,0,1,9,12,0,0,5,1,0,3,6,3,1,1,9,5,42,9,24,29,2,22,0,0,0,0,28,5,0,2,14,135,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419910182555737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726805056158665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986902163647876,0.0,0.0,0.08171260574936938,0.0,0.06477925178206627,0.0,0.09042521546211307,0.0,0.11152044501048387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851027883863053,0.0,0.0,0.1091652708033872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167290841920344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877227120458311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018821574449817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550574305070794,0.0,0.1001788766421902,0.0,0.05373168441471507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712592526896004,0.0903904813770426,0.0,0.0,0.164202924124549,0.0,0.1665600428604974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939713756970013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122839255172808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465138706990357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051916588199919365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055221067068533,0.07093391070934864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733751572022739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082068601645358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102618283975474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177421457056893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37266058924640266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450762046794102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967412988912706,0.0,0.1200512304921776,0.0,0.0,0.11944832976806033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118956976596627,0.0,0.0,0.08486479960387255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195976185185075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233839392842753,0.14119787311175844,0.0,0.10440658635261298,0.0,0.12393004525463418,0.0,0.0,0.3046274292067096,0.0,0.1442963562776799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554661066115903,0.0,0.09588925357139444,0.0,0.0,0.10243739805524114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829494253534966,0.15097776417624575,0.0,0.0,0.06843233176245629
ptsd,girloverwhelmed,2020/02/02,"Has anyones ptsd symptoms been made worse by a misdiagnosis? I know a misdiagnosis may not effect some people that much but I've been very effected by mine. A few years ago I had pretty much all the symptoms of ptsd after years of abuse, neglect and bullying. I got a lot better after a couple of years of therapy but lately I feel I've been struggling again over a previous misdiagnosis. I am aware you probably can't get ptsd from a misdiagnosis but it's more like I feel I had ptsd ,wasn't properly recognised but still got therapy for trauma issues, was doing a lot better but have ended up struggling with those sort of traits again as a result of this misdiagnosis and another near misdiagnosis where I was pretty much brainwashed by an abusive family member to belive I had it.

Tldr: anyone feel they were somewhat retrumatized by a misdiagnosis or a misdiagnosis made their ptsd much worse?",6.032345309381237,7.669880532934131,7.360853293413173,67.0760503992016,67.02395209580838,9.878043912175649,30.084331337325352,10.125756701596842,3.2847409181636724,727,27,120,18,12,248,96,167,0.207,0.6859999999999999,0.107,-0.9667,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,1,2,4,4,7,0,2,13,0,16,2,0,5,1,27,25,9,0,0,7,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,14,3,13,3,20,10,11,15,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,7,12,91,18,0,0.0,0.23496736141963825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878958373192135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397374238586027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866440247997894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539090032729246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971426053902393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782281096821602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347547984554687,0.0,0.15040880329036527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051804932840578716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586082695530933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034931331349504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449356059696627,0.0,0.11185232008130633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844262739404003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859782066352105,0.0,0.18764766499716135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915643625539913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687423058685952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175465824546268,0.10690697037250316,0.0,0.5795404608057727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791861331536162,0.0,0.0,0.20731882199507265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061221613975625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22678712227563336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181410870383869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020969301641077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155969590153946
ptsd,lubugsta,2020/02/02,"Trauma ‘anniversary’ coming up My trauma anniversary is coming up, 1 week today. I’ve started feeling super anxious and emotional already. I keep getting frustrated with myself that I still get so worked up about this particular day and it will be 9 years this year. 
Any tips to get through this next week? 
I have a therapy appointment on Wednesday and he doesn’t know about my ‘anniversary’ coming up. I want to talk about it but I have this habit of freezing and not wanting to say anything sometimes because I get scared to open up. I feel like if I don’t say anything and don’t talk about it with him then I’m not going to get the help I want/need to get through this week. Ugh",3.169079601990049,5.288390261194031,3.91126865671642,86.90978855721393,75.49253731343283,6.854726368159205,27.58457711442786,7.793537801064563,1.7143800995024874,541,22,105,8,12,172,79,134,0.126,0.777,0.098,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,1,1,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,21,26,9,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,9,11,0,1,3,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,0,5,13,2,21,24,0,23,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,13,65,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522587317150674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565612871617747,0.0,0.0,0.15890992464887405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23150845329842826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857472762027986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635079257817663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071643939498593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822771174019226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224757025136547,0.1004901639901178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409458154150198,0.0,0.07994241324058289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428390235444573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502834548810615,0.0,0.0,0.0773050820798653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872117082892684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495974237801878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22372281476433808,0.14082888671054508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911998028496622,0.0,0.09956247956147377,0.0,0.11233419978374903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22612028198492254,0.0,0.0,0.16086118167097987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333272510502542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489012559664145,0.0,0.33849576792303016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240483728363456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116560137427756
ptsd,throw_away_aa,2020/02/02,"I got hit by a car. Throw away because anxiety. I got hit by a car a few months ago from crossing the street. I had the right of way. They (the red mustang) had left the scene. I had no injuries, but that intersection is right next to where I live. It is a college campus and my classes require me to cross this (busy) road every day. Today I saw a red musting. I kind of froze and stared at the hood where I had been. It was just there. I couldn’t look away. Since then I just cannot get it out of my head. I had to walk along that street (on the sidewalk) and everytime a car passes I just flinch. I am running across the intersections. I am so stressed. I have social anxiety so its hard for me to tell people these things. I don’t know what to say. They know it happened but I make it seem less bad than it is. What do I do?",-0.1703409090909105,1.8841990113636369,1.5863181818181822,99.36322727272729,87.29545454545455,4.656363636363637,18.45909090909091,5.985473137389443,-0.4623900000000001,630,17,154,5,20,205,104,176,0.098,0.902,0.0,-0.9259999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,1,8,3,0,1,13,0,19,1,1,1,1,17,31,8,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,14,5,0,1,3,0,0,9,4,2,0,0,10,8,24,1,20,17,2,32,0,0,5,0,5,16,0,1,6,107,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640518200335754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699552853191017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315461234294459,0.0,0.14732169521311986,0.10755740202043536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137904896103336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865999003784314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218365962174252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822335621719649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602707280811612,0.0,0.15805737010990106,0.0,0.181080389618786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373718538751174,0.19393581136785895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917047430167456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580151349140975,0.0,0.14816683711962206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777640125752807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408343164568665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187648062577432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232266269517478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30136099805649463,0.0,0.14031375569202012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062616486885875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595464094623936,0.0,0.0,0.17986039327529574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211370828001524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421807997165946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722022086488665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724637972970804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400514423381573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,heallahdancing,2020/02/02,"unsure if my (19F) manager (60sM)is being inappropriate or if I'm overreacting because of my trauma 
Okay, so I've been working at this store two days a week for a month and a half, it's a small store and there's only 5 people on the team. All of my coworkers are women except my manager. On Mondays for the second half of the day, it's just me and him. All of the following events have happened on Monday afternoons. 
For context, i am a multiple sexual assault survivor and I'm still processing that trauma, so I'm unsure if I'm overreacting or if this stuff is genuinely weird. 

My manager has been married since he was my age, and he comes across as a sweet, slightly wacky boomer. His sense of humour is a bit offbeat, but not overly sexual or inappropriate, just a little bit off.

The first thing was when he was ordering my uniform, he asked me what size I was, but he guessed before I could answer. He guessed three sizes too big. Weird? Anyway I told him my actual size and he said okay, but then ordered one which was two sizes too big for some reason. So now my work shirt is huge.

Next, I was training on one of the tills and he bent down in the tiny area behind the till and opened a cupboard, as you do, and he looked up to say something and his face was in Very close proximity to my vagina. He got up and went to shuffle out behind me and he tickled the sides of my waist as he did. In a fun, bantery way but it made me so uncomfortable (again, unsure if this discomfort is warranted). 

Also, I crack my knuckles quite a lot and my manager kind of jokes that he hates it but it's never seemed serious. He asked me to go into the office to try and log into the staff website, and as he turned on the computer I cracked my knuckles and it was pretty loud I guess. Anyway my manager turns around and grabs my hands and says ""stop it"". It wasn't aggressive or anything it was still kind of jokey but it felt so weird man. 

Yeah anyway every shift I have with him he just gets a bit too close at some point. Usually it's him getting past me behind the tills but instead of saying ""excuse me"" he'll put his hands on my waist or hips and there's a lot of casual shoulder touching. 

I really don't know if this is just my trauma putting me in fight or flight mode but it makes my skin crawl whether it's normal or not. Please let me know if this is weird or not. 

tl;dr: my manager gets a bit touchy feely, and as a sexual assault survivor I don't know if my discomfort is warranted or if I'm blowing it out of proportion in my head",3.420039702738471,4.5544536228239885,4.779882418812992,85.02565789473684,72.73307543520309,8.072666191591164,25.790949811666497,8.532816995589336,1.6216375241779497,1981,63,416,34,38,660,237,517,0.099,0.828,0.073,-0.9421,0,0,1,0,1,0,55.0,0,1,0,5,25,24,5,2,28,3,31,11,11,3,3,87,64,63,0,11,35,0,6,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,25,30,2,1,7,3,2,6,7,15,0,9,19,13,50,9,58,41,10,69,0,0,1,1,37,36,0,26,24,283,75,11,0.0,0.0,0.09304614558002276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762499674116097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846349207147264,0.08488016455489715,0.17827550017618315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812341303853667,0.0,0.0811343447603406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163824106728326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213408148781039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612782539212039,0.0,0.0,0.12298347678985648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033501963567909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915492802083953,0.0,0.0,0.08110317947952106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494465882296158,0.0,0.05418861227837031,0.0,0.0762587120891126,0.0,0.3151105672752144,0.0,0.08431614958770514,0.0,0.0,0.09413666468687368,0.09785482060074442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858107608042624,0.15720272694420612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975000537670606,0.0,0.0,0.09556400332367417,0.0,0.0,0.08006852258184101,0.0,0.0,0.1621233583981251,0.0,0.09022082706994454,0.06364570255409396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610606979766191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353845454286669,0.0,0.10140395400213396,0.0,0.09342104841125076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922089440011358,0.07251664670651091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910207010665337,0.06610247657761775,0.0,0.0,0.10466375465355696,0.0901349230165746,0.0,0.0,0.0970034566238541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170266915372366,0.0,0.1014146089487874,0.0,0.0,0.06108253555632414,0.09803388937344347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906980278149032,0.2274742850945611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680147298179391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887306425454371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340374724254127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229048388527686,0.07971541303491328,0.0,0.0,0.10915094344950683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334514580878238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110934650401424,0.0,0.06473520830480879,0.2074230493546092,0.1862827866915125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501263540034224,0.07867229846278488,0.0,0.07568300904215695,0.07648262118653283,0.0,0.0,0.08838879034673859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882933471854278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,laughterbathroom,2020/02/02,"Panic attacks when I close my eyes I've been feeling as though I'm about to remember something repressed for about a week. (I've worked through trauma that happened in my adult life, and shitty events from my childhood, but for many reasons I'm pretty sure there are events that I don't remember.) Last night I watched a good movie with my partner, scrolled on my phone (a mistake) after she went to bed, and then as soon as I tried to get into bed, I felt like I couldn't breathe and my heart started racing. I felt like I was back in my childhood bedroom and felt like I was going to throw up. I tried a sleepy meditation from insight timer, which is normally quite effective, but it couldn't overpower my racing thoughts and fears. I kept wondering ""what happened?!!!"" Finally I moved to a different room, read myself a book, cuddled with my dog... And still every time I felt sleepy and closed my eyes my heart rate shot up and I couldn't breathe. Anyway, I feel like crap this morning. I think I'm going to go back to taking melatonin and having a nice pre-bedtime routine with no phone. If anyone has any advice about panic during sleep, or bring gentle around these breakthrough memories, I would appreciate it.",6.385972906403942,6.794862991379316,5.928029556650247,82.07706896551727,65.63793103448276,8.52512315270936,32.51970443349754,8.192908349453996,2.3305273399014776,962,37,181,11,14,296,138,232,0.1,0.7290000000000001,0.172,0.9666,2,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,3,12,15,2,4,7,0,12,10,8,2,1,43,35,19,0,7,4,0,6,4,1,1,1,0,4,2,8,16,0,2,14,2,0,7,5,8,0,0,10,9,30,7,29,21,0,34,0,0,3,1,5,10,1,3,21,109,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248331494477493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827815937069546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804869839317169,0.0,0.0,0.10247153510996834,0.0,0.1309532592758252,0.0,0.1770236398059192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026454682117732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969844112381912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952977963287074,0.11640527505842332,0.08223398936983557,0.4420912862438913,0.12609643140222807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060139772321528076,0.0,0.196257523112558,0.09654808150475892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035812566604028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27280975948906216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382930880849327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813049865543114,0.22494603678761496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670259625941642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234279411818386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108022125919002,0.11278251276353375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701115376183236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710737324019554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243273462126912,0.11514028562307245,0.0,0.0,0.11835136264845965,0.0,0.0,0.2607924225740628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519226589723472,0.0,0.0,0.08861663619775985,0.0,0.0,0.0814748385394003,0.0,0.09192630426789072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848899790685082,0.0,0.08654774435443592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375728609718675,0.11309414114475967,0.0913837957370583,0.06712106256768388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630309402538992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233360518698518,0.0,0.0,0.1067073217970204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483094717532715,0.08380082155533435,0.0,0.0,0.08177022718567817,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,spotts1211,2020/02/02,My doctor diagnosed me with PTSD from a car crash It was April 16 2019 i feel like i should be over it by now but I'm really not. I'm still having dreams about it still very anxious in a car. I wasn't driving i was in the backseat and my friend was. (Im 17 was 16 at the time) and i keep thinking i trusted him with my life and it was almost taken from me. Now i can't trust anyone when they're driving me. For months after the crash i cried when i drove. Thats gone now but i still feel really anxious when people drive me. I just feel guilty that i still feel bad and i Dont want to talk about it with anyone because it was so long ago and they'll just tell me to get over it.,-0.3809210526315781,1.432124592105268,1.6228947368421096,100.34776315789473,85.97368421052632,4.589473684210526,15.421052631578947,5.602791699666715,-0.9979815789473684,526,9,133,3,16,174,82,152,0.179,0.7340000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,15,5,0,0,5,0,13,3,0,0,0,22,26,11,0,2,5,0,4,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,5,1,0,7,4,1,0,0,10,4,23,4,17,13,0,28,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,17,87,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383651096159631,0.0,0.15630242665593336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526764341626593,0.0,0.21828468598910886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303293295393195,0.0951515258634223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145845572404175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842891455300187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597655864946689,0.0,0.0,0.18293729925027447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156968701319525,0.11151132562287927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059539398703002,0.0,0.08155102027303178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860489001037185,0.0,0.0,0.13874070846560782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025157480377958,0.07625809883486281,0.0,0.0,0.1381354794494659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459021743809776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821373317394947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824618362643389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999915750968541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4986173783895138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545990270668492,0.13643027210942374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000167061098486,0.0,0.0,0.09101782269709698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879128823617714,0.092066420234402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,groggygoat,2020/02/02,"i don’t know what to do i have bad ptsd. it affects my everyday life but only recently ( past 2-3 months) has it been getting much worse. My head and eyes feel foggy at times, i’ll wake up at odd times of the night with crazy dreams or from dreams that seem so real i’ll confuse them with real life, i feel so disorganized with my brain, my memory’s been getting worse and that there’s a lot wrong. No one around me understands it and at 19 i still live with my parents and they (mainly my father) have always been verbally abusive and don’t understand the mental issues that i am going through. I’m posting this on here in hopes that some of the people on here have had similar experiences and can help guide me to healing my brain and my soul. thank you any help is appreciated",4.833037974683549,5.250559392405067,5.583392405063293,83.17394936708862,69.0,8.851645569620256,27.19240506329114,8.841846274778883,1.7992283544303798,616,18,129,10,10,201,102,158,0.19,0.674,0.136,-0.8832,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,0,7,5,0,1,4,0,14,8,5,1,0,27,26,11,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,12,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,3,18,2,18,22,4,18,1,0,1,0,7,8,0,6,8,84,27,0,0.0,0.1680838403152637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180409470519084,0.0,0.0,0.0964713505205386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628768307079324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844924452349785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167308870283499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876872592283693,0.0,0.0,0.1434598639375377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823458043719645,0.0,0.0806237161454949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559183097463912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901748589359689,0.0,0.0,0.1409014511729728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806757124461994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796390853819314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004033288469227,0.0,0.0,0.1252671681654092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060640675662895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296401261179173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323327744204137,0.0,0.10428524511032523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331283266914304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612968732860724,0.1078928079917367,0.0,0.0,0.1575214948473784,0.0,0.13542378846046466,0.09834958091804374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586504065229954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582964660583766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229411179336261,0.0,0.0,0.14007208378259756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291462730719973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329155913195026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306079110124964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544230488644165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295367687770565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891399718894726,0.0,0.15510435104861836,0.0,0.0
ptsd,babybambien,2020/02/02,"Why Can't I Keep A Job? Hi, I'm 19F. I've been diagnosed with PTSD for a while now and have psychotic features. I've been unmedicated pretty much all my life - even now. I'm getting in trouble at work as we speak due to leaving early and I know I'm just hurting myself by doing this because their patience is running thin and I don't even have a ride home for another hour. 

I pretty much can't work consistently. I worked at a fast food resturant as my first job for a few months, walmart for a few months, now staff management - which I've already worked for twice and pointed out for calling out and going home so often. I walked out of walmart. I left the fast food place, and dollar general - I literally never keep a job for a long enough period of time and I seriously need one and money for a car. 

It's not that I'm lazy or that I hate working - my job is the easiest one I've had by far and I'm a full time student a whole week ahead of our course material. I have 12 hour shifts though, and I'm worried that I won't do much better if I change my shift to the evenings after school and get the weekend off - I feel like I will, but I kept feeling like I'd do better this time around, and I've volunteered to go home early since I got here two weeks ago. Even when I know I need money and I know I need to keep my job I'm literally just going to get myself fired. Is this just me being a shitty employee? I'm really hardworking, and this is stressing me out. I know its my fault - does anyone else have this problem? I haven't kept a job longer than 6months before, and I've worked at like seven different places. One was seasonal so I didnt screw that up but I just feel bad.",2.3876150121065365,3.700778556497177,4.074047619047622,88.37199152542374,75.5819209039548,7.204035512510089,23.942292171105727,7.83500028581142,1.045693623890234,1315,40,292,19,28,442,176,354,0.12,0.821,0.059000000000000004,-0.9731,8,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,2,0,1,10,18,14,2,1,17,0,23,5,0,0,2,51,54,26,0,5,9,0,5,3,0,2,2,1,3,0,12,22,2,5,7,1,3,7,8,9,0,7,8,6,38,5,35,43,9,53,0,1,0,1,6,18,1,3,31,180,50,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775281484629013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434518337338254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801461585849774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534433931886772,0.07831414627462245,0.0,0.06804114496544482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381795929499205,0.04659255307974458,0.0,0.06503844263808288,0.0,0.0,0.13519670052681293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804614575505851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085546863456211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757739609212784,0.0,0.07985571266870993,0.0,0.0,0.06688661089375995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638495605355862,0.0,0.0,0.07897522199376378,0.0,0.20193182710106225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593973174832688,0.1092068111558041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501346010651911,0.18484500643913865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197985068436788,0.0,0.13031508278206394,0.0,0.0611300662686341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546128688735558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300041401114043,0.0,0.15054126661812606,0.0,0.08182259050491791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550848776931081,0.2038101995164169,0.0,0.0,0.16802125033669954,0.0,0.0,0.08093099975763686,0.08304415360413292,0.0,0.05398654729451095,0.1120232014825609,0.0,0.0,0.06764037255359806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201541208143693,0.0,0.16856008379687232,0.17002122914960208,0.05894946919960092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537795528346368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971142533741986,0.0,0.0722534339510317,0.0,0.0,0.1555186960087508,0.0,0.07313559654796818,0.08934552246042256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489646277011724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735378796964536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322576808084931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755319024339618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509456010505793,0.0,0.13370524634479294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466346325027808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261910996000396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896845847853936,0.08533417591982309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33386269708270633,0.07762093136526513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,swiftedgal,2020/02/02,"Numb but craving human contact Hi everyone, I’m new here but I was looking for some support. Lately I’ve been so incredibly numb to everything, I want to cry but physically can not. I want someone to hug me tight and know I’m hurting, I’m craving it. But I know I won’t get it. People in my life who are aware of my ptsd don’t know much about it so it’s hard to explain. I feel too embarrassed to ask anyone bc that starts to feel fake. I’m going to see my therapist for the first time in almost 2 months and I know she wouldn’t mind giving me a hug at all but I feel too embarrassed and ashamed. I can’t really control it and I tend to get very quiet when I get that way so it won’t physically even come out. What do you do to self soothe instead? I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m alone in that and I just need the feeling to go away so please help.",-0.1525923096511299,1.8805200000000009,2.333124522536288,94.19559714795014,86.96791443850267,5.7009421950598425,20.134708428826077,7.07126945348624,0.3422719124013245,668,21,158,10,21,229,105,187,0.161,0.688,0.151,-0.4348,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,3,12,10,0,3,4,0,11,5,0,1,1,35,42,15,0,4,7,0,6,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,12,8,0,2,10,0,0,4,6,7,0,1,2,9,19,3,21,37,3,18,0,1,2,2,11,6,0,2,7,93,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627606098722445,0.15129279963111314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214116544270536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365632528480154,0.0,0.137245131731584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516666020081166,0.0,0.0,0.1638389485673344,0.0,0.0,0.16045987297096892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648317092844702,0.0,0.0,0.1395838318910785,0.13128552754430298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954457945208387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425391032524476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289592478552003,0.14013137139561108,0.16603903851602347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085723553330794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791303426979624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637956826970725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211226927141866,0.0,0.1647823973023603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317924311844327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266876697813102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749718312868595,0.0,0.11659810173327798,0.0,0.10738417091987268,0.10831501930794887,0.0,0.14108308598585978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127212335770208,0.0,0.0,0.16034982683151502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075741727283178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358133607290353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640528895707568,0.0,0.15239125921615088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377145336007128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339479200426628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576763419241458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696078690349528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517928268044286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052968553155285,0.1723212312081093,0.1159499526284711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AltruisticEmergency4,2020/02/02,"How to balance managing triggers/stimuli and living a normal life Hey everyone how's it going this is my first post. In fact I only registered to make this post.

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I didn't think a lot about PTSD until a year or two ago when I just sorta got hit full force with something I didn't understand. As a man I was raised not to be a wimp and cry about my feelings and told to just suck it up and that's life and life isn't fair and all that other shit. I thought that's all well and good I'll just do what dad does and drink a few beers and watch TV and ignore everything. That worked okay for a few years, although I was really struggling mentally during that time, but then the wheels just came off at some point where I was too messed up in the brain to operate normally in society.

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I would get these nightmares that were so bad that they wanted to use me as an experiment for a new drug that's being trialed for use by the U.S. Military. I forget what it's called but essentially it's this blood pressure medication, but when you take it you never dream again for the rest of your life. I mean these nightmares were so insane I actually thought I might be possessed by a demon and considered seeking help from a priest.

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I would get this anxiety that got so bad that I could not turn my back to someone or all this other weird shit. I'd always sit in a restaurant in a booth or chair with my back to the wall so I could see the whole restaurant and everyone in it.

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I'd also wake up in the morning looking like I had just been run over by a truck, but all I had done was sleep in my bed and have nightmares. I'd have insane wounds on my body that I could not explain. A lot of super bad bruises, cuts, what looked like road rash and other stuff like that. Some medical student I know said I might have been hurting myself in my sleep, but this is still unsolved really.

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I won't go through every last detail but what I'm getting at is that it got so strange and painful in such a short period of time and I had no idea where it was coming from. It was like I was being poisoned surreptitiously or something. I thought I was a tough guy but this was like physiological in nature. It made me so sick sometimes that I'd puke for days and not be able to sleep and I'd get dehydrated and have to go to the ER and get saline and a MRI.

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Eventually I went to some therapist because I thought I had an anxiety disorder or something, but they were like no you got PTSD. I didn't believe it at the time, I was like ""yeah right"", because when I think of PTSD I think of like Apocalypse Now or something. As my condition and relationships with others has deteriorated I've come around to the line of thought that maybe I do have some form of PTSD.

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I've seen or been a part of a lot of different things over my life that snowballed together, but the core of that snowball is a lot of child abuse stuff. I'm not going to flesh it all out because I don't want to trigger a lot of people. However, with my drug addict family a lot of the stories here of paramedics or cops resonate with me strangely because I've seen a lot of nasty stuff in that arena although I wasn't forced to do it as a profession it just occurred where I live. I also worked in the pseudo-capacity of an apartment building manager when I was still a teenager so I had to >!go to the building when people had committed suicide via rifle to the face and they were still doing CSI shit and taking photographs and find someone to clean up the blood/brain/skull/hair after the cops took the body away.!<

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I got sent to some place when I was a kid for drinking and taking Oxycodone because I wanted to kill myself because of the shit I had to deal with every time I went home from school and just the general state of life which was super lonely and dark and filled with violence and just all that good stuff. The place they sent me to was called SageWalk which is owned by the Aspen Education Group which is owned by Bain Capital in turn. Essentially, it's a concentration camp worse than what the Jews were put in in WW2 and that is not an exaggeration whatsoever. The Jews in WW2 at least had beds and buildings to sleep in, but we didn't even get that. We had to sleep on the ground outside. I didn't shower or change my clothes for four months and got no medical care. We still had to do all the work of any given 1930s era German work camp and people were worked until they literally dropped dead on the floor, but probably got fed slightly better because of the common availability of United Nations Relief Agency-style Sysco foodstuffs in the modern day. People still got hurt and died all the time though and we got beaten and abused by guards with weapons and were never allowed to leave even though we had committed no crime. You were also taken there by guys with guns who would like punch you in the stomach and laugh as you wheeze over, like they don't really see you as a human being. It was really not that much different from the Holocaust except it was targeted at kids with bad grades instead of Jews. I haven't even really touched on the stuff they did there, but you get the basic jist. It was such an extreme isolation though that over the course of however many months I forgot about chairs/cars etc existing. I only remembered airplanes existed when a Piper Cub flew low one day doing some pilot training. Strange yet true.

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They operate as a pseudo-mafia enterprise like Scientology and it's very cult-like, so if you go against them or petition the Department of Human Services or whoever they'll just have Bain Capital file a lawsuit and shut it all down before it even gets off the ground. They eventually couldn't cover up this one murder they did so the FBI came in and closed the place, but they just reopened 6 new ones in different states with slightly different names. Everyone that works there also uses fake names so they can't be identified in court to be prosecuted.

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They forced me to stop using my real name and punished me whenever I did. I had to use some made-up cult name they gave me and call everyone else by their cult name. They made us do rituals which were traumatic, at least to me. I'd get woken up by some guy at like 5 A.M. and he would put his hand over my mouth and gesture for me to not speak or make a sound no matter what. He was like the High Priest and he would take me along with a few other acolytes to the top of this hill that was flat at the top like a plateau. Also with me were others that were like me. On top of this plateau were sigils and Freemasonic type symbols either carved into the earth or made out of rocks that were laid out to make such a pattern. I don't remember all of it but we called on the spirits of the cardinal directions and the old gods to come forth and aid us. Then we did this incantation thing to praise the sun as it rose and there was a lot of screaming and yelling where they'd get in your face and like move incense over you. It was pretty much Satanic Ritual Abuse, which people don't even think is real, but I was forced to do it or else I'd be starved and thrown to the ground over and over. Many other people will corroborate my story.

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A lot of people say that once you break someone down mentally (like some ""creative"" interrogation or whatever) they never recover. This is a concept I'm only becoming aware of now.

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My main problem is with triggers. In fact, it got so bad that I had to quit my job six months ago and I've been out of work since then and barely left my house in all that time in order to avoid triggers/stimuli. Inside here I control the environment, out there I have no control there are others who are in control. Out there I have no power to stop the same thing from happening to me again, but in here I can just shoot anyone that comes in the door. 

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I can go through my day totally normal and then smell a certain type of burning wood and then it just flips a switch. The only problem is it's not just the smell of a certain type of burning wood, but so many different things that are so mundane that there's no way to avoid them. Like certain bushes/trees and the presence of snow (I live in California so not much of it) can really put me into a bad mode. It's like a mode where it's total fight or flight and everyone on earth is my enemy and I'm not safe anywhere and if somebody grabs me by the arm or tries to put me in handcuffs I'd probably stab them to death. When I got kidnapped and taken to that place those guys with guns put me in handcuffs, so even if some cop nicely asks can I put cuffs on you while I search your car I'm just thinking in my mind not so good thoughts. Since as you cops say ""hands kill"" and to be totally bound and at someone's mercy with no way to defend yourself is not something I'm really into, especially after the last time it happened and I went through something not unlike going to Guantanamo Bay like with a black bag over my head and everything with guns to my head and people saying they'll kill me.

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Obviously, these are obstacles to having a normal life with some degree of satisfaction or happiness in it. I would like to have a wife and kids, but I find it impossible to trust or be close to people. If I trust someone enough to tell them what I've just posted here they see me as broken and crazy and want nothing to do with me. So it's kind of a lose-lose situation and I've been on my own with this for about 13 years.

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I can't stay in my house forever and never go outside again so what can I do to bring myself back into the fold when I hit one of those triggers? Even when I'm doped up on tranquilizers it doesn't always fully stop the rush of memories and sensations that come flooding into my soul. I know there's a lot of guys on here who have some sort of technique to keep them going, I just really need to know what it is.

​

Thanks for taking the time to listen to my little monologue. I hope you have a good day.",6.732890405200009,5.990913091448345,6.73916188135507,80.42073722287155,65.14434008897679,9.895785383972171,31.80817329680635,9.128309807779438,2.4372712119042226,8036,261,1640,118,107,2564,657,2023,0.156,0.752,0.092,-0.9994,11,5,11,5,5,4,203.0,9,17,26,21,105,86,15,4,113,2,147,48,25,20,27,339,267,174,9,26,73,2,5,21,0,12,19,9,6,12,124,125,4,14,23,6,0,36,44,39,2,8,104,25,175,47,265,133,57,239,12,4,9,0,102,119,5,50,93,1137,299,18,0.02041368962279821,0.07256065239535837,0.01992081636172113,0.022253934862608484,0.0,0.0,0.03619100831811882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162410108044403,0.03397165014549638,0.3538915868408388,0.39687787650198536,0.013882008958747605,0.0,0.031232833373430094,0.0,0.0,0.01427372642618566,0.0,0.0,0.018172511717818158,0.019084044151777425,0.0,0.019179333378189386,0.04709060177421325,0.10226746892790796,0.08710797004728668,0.022545316366240596,0.017370546329716338,0.02299923772009357,0.0,0.018054249570473826,0.0,0.0453500144680472,0.0,0.0455768576630794,0.08337863796881344,0.046695645319028485,0.020813117071537574,0.0,0.02159497686227173,0.08792293029216039,0.0,0.0,0.0686870661696875,0.04889601026028542,0.0,0.022423479497625846,0.06582570512149002,0.02104561763900159,0.0,0.0,0.02118618692251705,0.10663980411733534,0.02339585686685549,0.0,0.017864157354337513,0.020890291965777092,0.0,0.039995288515071975,0.047346798089847264,0.0,0.0341060365048163,0.0,0.0,0.02109279830355335,0.022766660044572867,0.09438134628836284,0.0,0.034398827884843004,0.09753077622016867,0.03669301590133117,0.01996850553102486,0.01924420980452301,0.0,0.010321774836030834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03731548498013635,0.017363873964813984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665310283944104,0.0,0.1160157024629819,0.06848813733863601,0.17959361659127246,0.0,0.0,0.10106381081140403,0.036103516632390364,0.021730752194484816,0.0,0.0,0.04190066980517945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013682865852052252,0.021568183875819297,0.020476595122181338,0.020275399866692217,0.0,0.04710931406055215,0.043706553894353205,0.023044570821298325,0.0,0.0,0.020257437066645092,0.018144625289124267,0.06775416908365241,0.021257716398950355,0.03365648985775597,0.03327976324288032,0.0,0.021615149806448863,0.02217953350481997,0.0,0.10093154879574727,0.20943504990256198,0.02045987987073108,0.05407698579918599,0.0,0.03428471592808533,0.022837697068331064,0.0,0.1735498891685396,0.0,0.07726370681383038,0.04087888901434668,0.06208883166670951,0.020508295012474847,0.02223649247740618,0.0,0.061693933997694336,0.041144395577480265,0.043311397482335236,0.02061200723025652,0.0,0.048882036896874856,0.021696521451712216,0.04501923210596645,0.015136492194382878,0.06297718360459423,0.03943133728690011,0.0,0.0,0.08000432637457053,0.019587485753328585,0.0,0.021420733306917347,0.02173991321752336,0.05533137759539188,0.06210212333689062,0.021721605030790504,0.0,0.0,0.02210603656195884,0.0,0.12737053855096792,0.0,0.08531184329386826,0.0,0.01929753498114344,0.0,0.058652015380906884,0.020768061200278968,0.04401882014007947,0.03906628808002991,0.095450043039175,0.12312837821891574,0.0,0.02171247168456927,0.0,0.04647049583231578,0.1046202583580926,0.0,0.0,0.021916663044810557,0.04624946186332979,0.017433179399364552,0.019418093519167567,0.04870135600066671,0.0,0.020659743733147082,0.04880120298019524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381743618080001,0.03377283001045323,0.022945842436092108,0.10214216072653942,0.0,0.08648226486235118,0.0942927335656219,0.02018966101363951,0.0,0.0,0.021758277010071964,0.08151199451102266,0.051200275767517824,0.0,0.02134082068095317,0.11684395342825885,0.02232926317144384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674277040662374,0.0,0.017842464500117478,0.01879418273897574,0.0,0.023701867037058948,0.05424779325127179,0.06540134020814545,0.06016903922530765,0.09723713597546232,0.09522709265277582,0.0,0.0,0.01950615524403373,0.022680360287979942,0.013859555264100444,0.044408464742128416,0.019941208536358918,0.021251370824764197,0.0491103102898344,0.08815436774970516,0.0,0.016843431833334734,0.04816209215994807,0.0324068732870755,0.0,0.0,0.018354358556462846,0.056771084389016076,0.0,0.022791155448969785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402986419886964,0.0,0.020803293715926305,0.08700779646400564,0.0,0.39687787650198536,0.03943724048393285
ptsd,Yesika_,2020/02/02,"I get worse everyday and need help but my after previous experience with therapy I just don’t trust it About a year or so ago I had therapy for the first time in regards to my trauma. I’m 19 now, and it happened for a few years during my childhood, talking about it has never been something I can do. I can’t even state what happened to someone because my body physically won’t let me, I choke up and panic and lose capability of speech for a while.

I need help, because my PTSD has been weighing more and more on my daily life than I could have imagined. I find myself apathetic and numb to life, I can’t clean myself or my surroundings or go about normal day to day things or do my job at work without my brain just completely snapping out of reality for hours at a time. I feel like I’m watching everything go by and I’m not connected to it.

I did some research before I went into therapy and I found that I don’t have to say what happened to me at most for the first session or two if I’m not capable, to attempt to work to that point with my therapist. After that it could be the case that I would have to seek therapy another time but I never got that. 

Within 5 minutes of the first session I was asked what had happened to me and I explained and that I would like to see if there was any way I could be helped to get past that, yet I just got a wary look and “...well, if you aren’t going to explain what happened to you I’m afraid we’re going to have to stop here and discontinue these sessions because there’s nothing I can do to help you if you don’t tell me.” I’d started to panic and after a couple minutes of her just staring at me she said “well I guess we can go through this sheet “ (which was on PTSD despite her saying she wasn’t going to diagnose me with it yet like I don’t know if that is normal procedure or not) “and if you can’t say it then then we will have to stop.

I felt so uncomfortable and we’d go through the sheet and every time we’d go though sometime it would be “ I can’t help you with that not if you tell me but answer best you can” it ended up taking up the rest of the session and we hadn’t finished so she said she had to go for the second session. On that one, she made me go through the rest of the sheet with the same jabs until I had panicked and felt backed into a corner enough to write it. The handwriting was barely legible from my shaking and I felt like I was going to puke the whole time, it took me about 5 minutes to write down the two words and when I’d did it she just kept asking me all of these questions whilst I clearly wasn’t in a state to answer them, she didn’t give me time to recollect myself before we could continue which I really needed, it was almost like she was pretending I was sat there completely fine.

After the sessions with her finished early due to me not making them on time, I put myself on the waiting list again this past June to get EMDR as she’d said I’d need and by the time I got to the top of the list in December (11 weeks after they said I should be) I just couldn’t bring myself to confirm an appointment so I lost my place. I don’t trust it, I felt violated from how the therapist had dealt with me and to go into something as intense as EMDR I don’t want to risk finding myself in that situation again.

Am I being to dramatic?",3.4122373447946512,4.1002598452722046,4.856608166189115,86.14340317574022,72.32378223495702,7.822397325692456,26.576050620821395,8.007285818006526,1.4312090735434575,2604,84,567,35,48,874,260,698,0.08900000000000001,0.82,0.091,-0.5045,2,0,2,0,0,0,37.0,6,8,3,10,30,21,1,5,29,0,68,7,2,3,4,116,131,52,0,23,28,0,5,5,0,6,4,8,1,0,36,37,1,4,16,1,0,17,25,10,2,7,39,17,102,11,100,72,12,98,0,2,4,0,52,27,0,18,56,425,138,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021206530012687,0.0,0.05672143559600495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03852030505514319,0.059396855430332914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059102042934582,0.0,0.0,0.04355624009376355,0.0,0.10359016033713307,0.0,0.0964008517187324,0.0,0.05944506644591345,0.0,0.0,0.06291943755242813,0.0,0.06323416394031227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878167756530485,0.0,0.0,0.18090457817766548,0.06267622884726046,0.0,0.07306222749991523,0.0,0.0,0.0574931283257971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501703476941884,0.05852906647257944,0.0,0.03741325770588135,0.0,0.047725561465963115,0.0,0.0509085597809617,0.0554093378585304,0.0,0.0,0.02864123748773884,0.04046694993716643,0.2175509918122903,0.0,0.10354436947756764,0.14454573341322124,0.0,0.06210793600624712,0.0,0.0,0.08878347655576216,0.05433871068137535,0.3863095259489561,0.0,0.13591170579017542,0.0,0.062400469165540075,0.0,0.25045338869464673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983857747675925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578357096263915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056211075627553314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03113041876140324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057922993360767415,0.08001958425580608,0.13836857604447347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047567240455012635,0.06337087524170762,0.06183432782947105,0.0,0.0,0.05359853831322548,0.037810744343688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800516366905574,0.08737569364677858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099946221176207,0.05435207027481695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038383881440170485,0.0,0.0,0.1329205861714064,0.0,0.0,0.10814745756274408,0.0,0.0,0.05918160401462622,0.0,0.053547504290978716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324291313426467,0.056943519534672825,0.06345497277055852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036288013850132944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155281380873321,0.1351382998901376,0.0,0.0,0.045138452977550335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367096095472187,0.0,0.0,0.047994828907789465,0.08721563937478738,0.05602300816232065,0.0,0.04009337547135982,0.0,0.0,0.09471492910154762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042589727979928604,0.04552882475025948,0.09901984324062764,0.0,0.2591123798406033,0.1315376112142089,0.037632189094838495,0.0,0.05565308193074928,0.0,0.2642396118169803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293429140189527,0.0,0.0,0.11066718632316323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03341048272638653,0.04496188731080243,0.045436922217352606,0.0,0.10186068785684048,0.0525101589036257,0.0,0.06324172985785978,0.0,0.05460342212020262,0.0,0.08247596101222478,0.0,0.057725738577935636,0.12071620440272628,0.0,0.0,0.07295459605251009
ptsd,jjuuuu,2020/02/02,"Does anyone else have PTSD from severe self harm or a suicide attempt? TW: Self Harm

My trauma was self inflicted: a period where I was frequently self harming and admitted to hospital several times. I'll spare you the details, but my question is:

Does anyone else have PTSD from a similar trauma? I feel like my PTSD isn't really valid because of this, or that it isn't as bad as others. I also feel guilty because I'm placing an extra burden on the health services here because of stuff I did years ago.",4.89061224489796,6.205207653061228,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,69.40816326530611,8.865306122448981,30.3265306122449,9.23628265651192,2.793861224489796,402,16,71,8,7,133,66,98,0.23,0.6940000000000001,0.076,-0.9396,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,1,3,8,0,0,6,0,8,1,0,0,0,8,12,7,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,2,8,1,8,9,1,8,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,6,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329984047630585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221320776858506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787417374916983,0.26192211497287043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671976690636187,0.2337435947109403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22370265682559154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354522434458706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925370103812886,0.09131070281691893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586083436050464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624437074996508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353894634507515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482249246029234,0.0,0.1431814893364772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818812402128309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5333535863387372,0.2887880032855603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631702071052718,0.1398083155373959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745296615649994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230834606540112
ptsd,socialclamity,2020/02/02,"Inpatient treatment experiences? I’m looking at inpatient treatment options available to me and was wondering if anyone had places they’ve been, good or bad, they could provide feed back on. Any tips or information on what you learned and would have done differently if you were to seek intensive treatment of this kind again would be? Anything.",8.537033898305086,10.396631813559328,7.162500000000005,69.98239406779663,61.37288135593221,10.645762711864409,41.86864406779661,10.686352973137794,5.021030508474576,283,16,43,7,4,85,48,59,0.054000000000000006,0.8340000000000001,0.11199999999999999,0.5803,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,0,0,13,13,6,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,4,2,6,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,6,2,30,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556814456288948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080443880829476,0.0,0.22455745756073092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982831384031966,0.2278438770940799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21787293005146724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851021151968657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792515644519527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266929558401638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22887927475530226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284163120879675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22915095144177586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851021151968657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959273370449937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876930541372138,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,YoureAverageHuman,2020/02/02,"I really need some advice So this is going to be a long story, and my grammar isn’t too amazing, but please take the time to read this. I need help for my girlfriend.

So my girlfriend had been battling ptsd for almost a year now, we have been together for 7 months and 3 months before we got together she was sexually assaulted. She has dreams about it very frequently, and she doesn’t like to talk about it much so I don’t know all the details. She wouldn’t tell me the guys name for a while, and I was okay with that, until today. He called her on another number and asked “do you remember me?” And that was the last straw. It broke her, and idk what to do. She doesn’t want to talk to a counselor.",2.3633333333333333,3.9463597777777792,3.5122222222222237,91.255,76.22222222222223,7.022222222222222,21.722222222222207,7.793537801064563,0.7196638888888889,544,14,121,8,12,176,89,144,0.083,0.777,0.139,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,1,0,0,7,6,2,0,8,1,17,0,0,0,1,21,25,13,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,3,0,0,7,0,19,3,15,16,3,13,0,1,0,0,21,1,0,2,12,84,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872729333328964,0.0,0.0,0.19190443331167528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095612464816331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916187701613265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630754813013686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569061414257288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891607067822204,0.0,0.1532757331570065,0.0,0.0,0.18975833318524424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845536876340266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532288734213566,0.15621596769077928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362789532720632,0.0,0.0,0.16959948396924024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30593786142895985,0.0,0.14088086818814513,0.2842041583448235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103682751780876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22402233950208755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916965111137305,0.0,0.1227724697152494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170960288217648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409292584023134,0.3080734195543001,0.167505870611656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174953620136824,0.0,0.18165671916302306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812690636499455,0.1130369795282176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341287086468958
ptsd,katspossum,2020/02/02,"ADVICE NEEDED: relationships and ptsd Before you start reading: I do not intend to offend anyone at all and I logically know that all men are not bad people, this is just simply sharing how my twisted mind functions because of my past and asking for ways to cope or advice or just to know that I’m not alone. 

I was raped throughout my childhood by my father. He is no longer in my life as an adult. However I still suffer from ptsd due to the trauma. One thing that starts happening to me when I go through an episode (episodes may last days) is that I start becoming disgusted with men. This includes my boyfriend. The fact that he ever wants to have sex with me or that he looks at porn or has any sexual thought whatsoever absolutely disturbs me. I want nothing to do with men at these times and don’t even want to be touched by my boyfriend. Thing is, he is a really nice, supportive man that I’m very lucky to have. He doesn’t ever deserve to be seen that way. I think he deserves someone who is more normal. But if I were to break up with him because of this so he can have better, then I feel like I will just have to stay alone forever because that means that everyone deserves better. I’m so frustrated and I genuinely do not know what to do",4.563288447909283,5.4860601646586336,5.144842901015828,84.26462083628634,69.8433734939759,8.268462083628632,29.10489014883061,8.4952907291091,1.988325584691708,987,36,200,15,17,317,143,249,0.071,0.7979999999999999,0.131,0.8998,1,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,2,11,15,4,1,5,0,25,4,0,2,5,45,48,17,0,6,13,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,18,9,0,0,8,1,0,1,7,8,0,1,4,4,24,7,30,40,3,24,0,1,2,3,19,5,0,7,15,134,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24609530305209756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608304689318817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562997704214857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804625251376126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771828324302425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513801283467653,0.23027914858833204,0.13906884288765994,0.10714871945720028,0.0,0.0,0.22273216806400464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120803890973652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316902978417233,0.2278038552347093,0.0,0.1203220391724834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366897938692052,0.08995733520606347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156328718671376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135071694447768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760715991491166,0.10264167711332027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894108124193148,0.06151819396591749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574115917021394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716388931865267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714339193732233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933681488720636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337494974763892,0.12082371941663535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532670968740162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020497105367599,0.08729713340463767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943876861917121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259541626143697,0.0,0.08066763200456963,0.0,0.0,0.13519104900051487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669168096235324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673806567398709,0.1342140583820269,0.10055994401646484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289262233747588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731142100893395,0.08068450722357823,0.0,0.09996648354915416,0.07342501526507629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389725907002788,0.2228127891042434,0.19989900768875787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AvocadosAreGreatx900,2020/02/02,"I don't know how to get over the shame of having PTSD I have no shame about my anxiety and I have no shame about my depression, so why would I ridden with shame about having PTSD? 

I only disclose it to people after I have an episode and once I do, I immediately regret it. I don't want anyone to think less of me. 

This sucks.",0.7685714285714269,2.7570415507246397,2.9615320910973075,91.38652173913046,82.76811594202898,5.681987577639752,17.10351966873706,6.868970318607317,-0.1470306418219458,253,5,57,3,7,86,42,69,0.379,0.621,0.0,-0.9769,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,4,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,9,14,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,0,0,12,0,11,13,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196741119477538,0.0,0.0,0.2007866618675052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24732767018898524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002753911310368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781382863737176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30581254494466603,0.0,0.21839563242614465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990783197067917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6713416995924274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183998437268126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937247892762247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591142838398115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398790158031974,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pickledickle222,2020/02/02,service dog looking for more info on obtaining a service dog in akron ohio. i have PTSD GAD MDD AND OCD,2.21142857142857,4.340778000000004,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,78.52380952380952,6.104761904761905,29.54761904761905,7.1686216300943375,1.7810761904761896,82,4,16,1,2,27,19,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5834380594990037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8121576390874108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,angellogic,2020/02/02,"Friends will resent you for having ptsd Sometimes it can be hard to maintain relationships with people when you have ptsd. A lot of my relationships have been challenged by me suddenly questioning the entire relationship because they triggered something related to my trauma. It can be an opinion or belief they hold that reminds me of my abuser and suddenly it can trigger a panic and then I need time to reflect.

A lot of people will resent me for doing this though and become quite nasty to me for suddenly withdrawing and will say cruel things about me or to me.

It doesn't make any sense to me why people always seem to kick you while you're already down. Sometimes when I work up the courage to return to a relationship that they've complained and complained I've abandoned... they try to change the narrative. I want to explain my trauma and my thought process and communicate... but they want to reverse the roles and become the one to abandon or reject me. It feels so humiliating and premeditated. How can I even avoid this?",7.161087719298247,8.139976915789473,6.980789473684213,73.21469298245617,64.05263157894737,9.280701754385962,34.780701754385966,9.2995712137729,3.2633333333333336,834,36,139,14,12,264,106,190,0.185,0.782,0.034,-0.976,0,1,1,0,1,0,15.0,0,3,4,3,7,15,3,2,10,0,15,0,0,4,0,35,23,20,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,10,10,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,12,0,1,2,3,24,3,24,16,2,11,1,3,0,0,18,2,0,8,9,107,34,2,0.0,0.15280874029391114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423219556141582,0.0,0.10731363817170228,0.0,0.0,0.08770424045432262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861911025802996,0.2848751724018378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643349813146086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851836802776836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521126911996282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964214961813406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553207472790783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929190876753105,0.0,0.0,0.08608869033951122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956298584013376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739362688275082,0.0,0.0,0.15131888278426306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26823534386765663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30151880577803963,0.0,0.14447627509503566,0.1371758110184171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5538634332683345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256237527356146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740973590780852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992876535654866,0.2551098892809318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856821501405938,0.0,0.12671268497721422,0.10238802827487148,0.07520363097844619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756238171901462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214007295815818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116375654113015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389192928200464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jellyfishorganmeats,2020/02/02,"I don't know if I just had a breakthrough or a breakdown, I just know I'm tired. So I'm at a wedding, not mine, and I just had to get out. I don't even know why. My partner and I have been together for many years now, and one of the core group of his (our, now) friends got married. I've known these people for years, but tonight was the first time I've ever let myself get tipsy around them/ gone on a ""oh buddy I'm super passionate about this niche thing surprise I'm a huge fucking nerd about it and I'm ready to talk your ear off"" rant. My partner (who is intimately aware of my PTSD triggers and takes such care to make sure I'm alright and I'm safe-- fucking bless his understanding ass) was so proud of me and told me a bit later in the evening and it... oof I dont know. 

I didn't even notice. I was so unguarded and so genuinely me around other people and I *didnt even notice*. I know that should be a sign of recovery but it sent me into a fucking tailspin. I think maybe I had a moment of clarity? 

My abuser of over a decade is dead and has been for a few years now. I found a place I'm safe and loved and despite all that, despite the painful, backbreaking attempts to heal I've made and continue to make -- she's still somehow ruling my life. I feel so trapped and suffocated, and that just built a mountain of guilt. It took me *over four years* to open up enough to talk about something trivial I'm excited about to people that have been kind and friends with me for all that time. I've been to every single one of their weddings, celebrate friendsgivingmas with them every year, and am marrying into that group (most of whom will be the few people to attend/participate)

I feel so guilty. I feel so fucking guilty I can't breathe. If I can't escape her after she's been rotting in soil for years, how am I supposed to have hope that one day I'll be able to exist without debilitating fear? She's in everything I do, I just want to rip her out but I'm not sure where she and her influence ends and I begin. 

I told them I had too much to drink and needed to lie down. I threw up because I feel more trapped than I ever have before.",1.2778004881024998,3.2934922035794223,2.8118664836282288,92.99734823062843,81.10290827740492,5.763860077282896,22.01591417531015,6.883109765328512,0.4552554809843401,1673,53,373,19,44,547,212,447,0.098,0.7240000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.9901,0,2,2,0,1,0,54.0,1,1,4,4,33,25,4,2,18,1,35,14,3,6,6,78,80,35,1,6,14,0,4,0,4,2,4,1,0,2,17,30,1,2,13,1,0,4,10,8,0,5,23,5,56,17,56,51,10,48,1,0,0,7,31,21,5,6,23,252,73,0,0.08932885571072488,0.10584008685462618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904324079949606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445404132079535,0.0,0.07601227682871929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975239744653235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910767218532322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057609721941567216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469275360636726,0.08750827074596089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911885195061412,0.09230058705748376,0.0,0.23600346686572315,0.16160612832771107,0.15052682731648168,0.0,0.08028301555493249,0.0,0.0,0.10051979757475248,0.18066941391656205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759830790338755,0.0,0.09794447955172728,0.13803050466459724,0.3303323507142443,0.09334128039259948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144444625813598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872370956136504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930222569280472,0.24546401473607804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134480717935753,0.06309561255659972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806227799103086,0.08452512315485973,0.11925540967368276,0.09056543897236473,0.08974284217569213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566698725725441,0.06623621462768173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340298858865893,0.0,0.0,0.1815946334356316,0.0,0.09505220062882803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477175239917829,0.0,0.0933296415399465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442065202052607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876971733914533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713381395613719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683827786875499,0.0,0.06716418238120425,0.1435983010067321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934612244907641,0.057238323798327925,0.0,0.0,0.10417674825710424,0.10267037883395044,0.0,0.1707150994712185,0.09924764552947576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092994489146164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268847352903101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060539806423779,0.0,0.0,0.08610982919748902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451491258967712
ptsd,DishsoapOnASponge,2020/02/02,"Does anyone else have PTSD from being a hospice caregiver? I (26) took care of my mom (57) while she was dying from cancer in home hospice. She passed a few months ago and the grief has started to be manageable, but now I've been diagnosed with PTSD from some of the things I experienced - her screaming in pain, her being stuck after falling because we couldn't get her up, etc. etc. 

I just feel so weird that this is affecting me now and I didn't realize it was so traumatic at the time - but now I have so much anxiety that it's really affecting my work.

I'm wondering if anyone is in a similar situation?",4.661095041322317,5.373665719008264,6.107097107438017,78.21700929752069,69.49586776859505,10.347520661157027,30.001033057851238,10.411451182825502,3.0948917355371903,476,18,95,13,8,162,84,121,0.22699999999999998,0.757,0.016,-0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,6,0,13,3,0,2,0,15,21,9,2,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,6,3,14,1,13,11,5,17,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,3,9,70,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943446324226787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375919117991254,0.0,0.0,0.2515236813765763,0.1842871606721822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964059143828626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833785961159736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825534560260187,0.1866656109965735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573961307752952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024940934691336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011814417680569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094229241832094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396908787321978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804135946496844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064909899311104,0.1435620186159189,0.0,0.1322173184252952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138303129900985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204919145837509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522250629888572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216944718881802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730537490619434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949056134426606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487743440140627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19983035768832028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504979469662087,0.13093975019526874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dylstolic,2020/02/02,"Paramedic here Hey there everyone. I’m a young paramedic, literally 2 years out of school. In many ways I see my situation similar to that of Hurt Locker(2008). I worked on the road for just over a year before going remote site. 

I don’t know if anyone can relate. But when I came home for Christmas last year, most people knew something was off. My boyfriend noticed I was very irritable, I would constantly dissociate and I became every anti social wether it was parties, gatherings or going to the mall I would generally struggle. Needless to say everyone around me could tell I was off.

I get a lot of flashbacks when I’m back home. I used to work the area where I live and I struggle to be calm. I can see the vehicles from my old base responding down the highway. They have a specific pitch in their sirens, helicopters, certain phone ringtones. It all triggers a surge of memories and immense anxiety. I don’t even drive past my old base anymore because of it.

I hate to be that guy, but I am. I like to tell my war stories to unsuspecting folks who ask me what’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen, My old coworkers and college friends all say they’re there for me, but you can’t ever open up without it turning into a huge dick waving contest. In many ways I feel like I’m too young to be going through this, I feel very burnt out. 

I don’t like to admit it but I enjoy drinking a lot more than usual and drinking more frequently than before I left. My family has an extensive history when it comes to mental illness and I do suffer from depression, I take about three different antidepressants to keep myself at baseline.

I don’t know if this past year working remote site has helped heal or accelerate the process. Back when I was on the road, I barely had enough time to think, now it’s the complete opposite. 

As much as I miss home, I miss being on the road. I often can’t wait to fly back to my remote sites.

I just wanted to share my story.",3.106121323529411,5.160141364583332,4.332935049019607,84.1136580882353,75.45833333333334,7.33014705882353,26.65870098039216,8.219915518859313,1.8290535539215689,1540,59,298,27,34,505,210,384,0.12,0.799,0.08199999999999999,-0.9376,1,0,3,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,2,3,21,18,2,2,18,0,26,5,1,2,5,49,55,20,1,6,11,0,2,3,1,2,2,2,3,1,14,13,2,2,7,3,0,6,7,10,0,1,9,7,48,8,49,39,10,61,0,5,3,1,19,27,1,8,29,199,62,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903222364980792,0.0,0.08949236771261627,0.06309687393311303,0.0,0.0,0.0803314177861543,0.08436083837011328,0.0,0.0,0.20816356394018184,0.0,0.05500856649419057,0.0,0.15357267460369844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320883131523798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777324979172495,0.09461337525752024,0.09751578631522034,0.0,0.0720481184125249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772230824965237,0.0,0.0,0.0942800509935436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679879815577704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324051727755699,0.0,0.05960169385529555,0.16325182191002433,0.07602984818719129,0.1724535529971519,0.0,0.0,0.08506884913744613,0.0,0.09125461791116224,0.06446641937393803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971805957742162,0.0,0.04714590418441875,0.0,0.1538538977279073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935032576032365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909186003127359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060484980301065534,0.0,0.27154979066295604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966022059965935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020814608938738,0.0,0.0,0.0991854653871872,0.07355644080468084,0.0,0.0,0.09804442005288294,0.0,0.0,0.1322579536927007,0.0,0.07968226968850926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343513180810414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297539910538704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093920757945168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633569790961262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027371573487184,0.2840704526622863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228576317934394,0.06256003025561671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352259193779393,0.0,0.09132620360646444,0.1438168403628049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101431881503846,0.0,0.09198681092423178,0.0,0.06947002421273757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867379574614795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784813951234674,0.0,0.1577448943051942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995046545178465,0.05782120232596805,0.0,0.0,0.052618808858370406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981536011597062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793711133978662,0.09938498507167758,0.1489124652185037,0.053225019287820405,0.14325427973803415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698671669396461,0.0,0.19708416000483026,0.0,0.0,0.12820571635766326,0.0,0.0,0.23244260275014336
ptsd,CompetitiveJaguar3,2020/02/02,"Weaning off meds, but super depressed So I’m really happy that I am recovering and everything. I am weaning off my meds. And it is super hard. I am just having this huge depressive episode rn. I am just going to get high and go to sleep and hope for the best.",0.3070350404312663,2.7014401886792463,2.947762803234504,87.41415094339622,90.50943396226415,6.047439353099732,20.77897574123989,7.447530270364453,1.0347164420485182,202,7,41,4,7,70,37,53,0.121,0.499,0.38,0.9756,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,0,8,11,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,5,5,11,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558319149970363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199344591927747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909361225720145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736491119926832,0.0,0.2770914159743328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595081858715822,0.2183788644434477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25756679842767266,0.0,0.2421283989682419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5415689194062867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561716157414892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439559072223475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SollicitusSystem,2020/02/02,"An Issue I Have... Hey. New to the forum. I'm Magnus. CSA ""survivor"" (if you could consider what I'm doing surviving, then go ahead). and I have an issue.

I am inherently a very loud, extroverted person, but I just can't seem to vent about certain things. No matter how hard I try. Like I know what the vent would be about. I'm hypersexual, and I have issues with my gender and my religion. But the sections where I write out, even in a private journal where no one can see, feel such an immense panic that I just can't get it out onto paper.

I get that this is common, and most people can just suck it up and move on, but because I'm such a loud person, I've established a status quo with people that I will come to them when I'm upset. That's why when these things cross my mind and start throttling me, I want to be able to go to them and talk about it, but I get overwhelmed with such a large amount of panic that I just can't function. I feel like I'm denying them, or that I should tell them.

But it's not like I can just go on hiding it forever. It's a persistently invasive part of my life that has consistently made me very upset on a number of occasions but what am I supposed to do? Vent? (haha) So it's like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. There's nowhere for me to go, and I'm not currently in a place where I have access to therapy.

Does anyone have advice?",2.5258827179646306,3.5705254061433465,4.344022649705245,87.63922975488676,74.80204778156997,7.23853552590754,22.874495811355878,7.686295010490155,0.8373290102389079,1076,28,240,14,22,366,145,293,0.16,0.794,0.047,-0.9873,2,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,4,3,21,12,1,5,16,1,23,1,0,2,1,45,49,22,0,5,15,0,4,4,0,3,1,2,0,2,21,15,0,0,4,1,0,7,7,6,0,1,2,7,31,6,30,41,4,32,0,1,1,0,11,16,1,4,13,165,52,1,0.12434989871068886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151328184844078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694834045767026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580254408000431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711642704674797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099283275677136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881943434090367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213193532658412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575009016905328,0.08883559248520073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490306917060748,0.0,0.2826836523272992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227861688709992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38936696140804783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683394523005978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783201092276005,0.24300431741617076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766288081482038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555794952637508,0.0,0.0,0.13216426303854414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009790704804785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842627095670361,0.0,0.0,0.29179562690915983,0.0,0.13465882249450806,0.0,0.17241712530715053,0.21715507030997305,0.25983835525173704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619413406262496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909076963675996,0.11320347753063385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801549833284178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999477382932058,0.10868729241679044,0.0,0.14220494637680467,0.0,0.16522509454979573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442541868283017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052033788224576,0.07334479205434624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220644219692297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883346002711836,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kysammi,2020/02/02,"Drug abuse, emptiness, recent attack, life Hey everybody!

 First time writer here. I am M 20 and dealing with anxiety, PTSD, opiate addiction, Asperger' as well as alcohol addicion.

Since this is a PTSD thread I just wanted to make a post about my experience with it as well as magic mushrooms.

​

So about a week ago, I was in my house going to go meet up with my friend and as I opened my outside door I was hit in the head with a baseball bat - my vision titled and I lost my balance, fell to the ground trying to protect my head with my arm. I didn't know at first what was this about since it coluld've been alot of things, but then I understood. It was a debt that I coulda paid off and all would've been fine but while being drunk I blocked the guy some time ago. 

So I was instructed to follow these 2 guys in their car, which I did because I figured it was best to just go along since there was nowhere to run pretty much or atleast I thought  so. Anyways got hit in the car aswell pretty bad with fists and what not as we drove to the forest while having knife pressured agains my gut, I only had 1/3 of the money on my bank account so I had to call up someone and make a bank transfer. Luckily after threating me with killing my family and having the bat pushed in me I got  away with my phone and went to ER. Couple of stitches and not much else. 

Been heavily heavily anxious going anywhere and always being on 'alert mode' which Im quite used to because of former experiences.

So today I took a little mushrooms and now coming off feeling noticably better and with less fear.

Although still heavily depressed because I am unable to kick my benzo and alcohol addiction althoug I take maximum of 3mg of benzos a day which is still alot. But the alcohol addiction is so heavily rooted in me that it makes me sick but living without it feels pretty much like utter emptiness. Oxy has been the only thing that makes me motivated, working, relaxed and able to function and it's so sad seeing other people living their life to the fullest without chemicals while every day to me feels just like an empty shell moving to nowhere. I have a great family that loves me and supports me but my mom is dying from chirrosis(she also has the same addictions) which is pretty sad  :( 

Pretty much to sum the last year off: I blew like 30k, lost my loving girlfriend and idk life just sucks.

​

I know this doesn't come near anywhere close to being sexually abused but I just wanted to write a little thingy. 

​

I have love for everybody and hope you guys can overcome anything you are dealing with <3

Thank you",4.601289317969481,6.150463936883633,5.020916121665113,82.82885783245095,70.38067061143985,7.545915083566905,28.13500467144193,8.032893268588372,1.8599420118343195,2084,75,385,28,38,662,258,507,0.17300000000000001,0.695,0.132,-0.9762,1,0,4,0,2,0,53.0,1,3,2,9,26,29,4,2,25,0,34,20,4,7,1,75,74,44,2,3,16,1,3,3,2,0,12,0,1,3,24,34,4,2,9,2,6,16,6,12,3,2,25,4,54,17,66,44,11,61,0,5,1,3,22,21,1,5,26,268,78,4,0.061879733630923014,0.14663473140743938,0.0,0.269832173797764,0.0,0.0,0.10970530050866584,0.1983918492683248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049485200628117135,0.0514888954630356,0.20113999660807635,0.2255719483078081,0.0,0.0,0.04733782685537703,0.06990648563703293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050921748283243404,0.0,0.0,0.07039713025357015,0.058138046702521935,0.0,0.05166699286362021,0.11316393382346444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493896276947272,0.05472759579333642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318612660615276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660782263394322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846874829127221,0.0,0.07981461801861453,0.12759057648699182,0.05329692390305208,0.0,0.0642213939588935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176084549666135,0.0,0.051692577214644535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213634443508,0.0,0.0,0.12106050656197395,0.11666941142394502,0.06963190392478284,0.09386475780526747,0.044206894070086815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526973963037307,0.0,0.0,0.047808128703935034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406707145658987,0.0,0.0989817516117911,0.06822262478274277,0.0,0.1838119950374293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270129180178235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146053781527942,0.0,0.07140090447801355,0.0,0.0,0.06684073093700071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846075701733315,0.0,0.06801496661743016,0.05044024188723145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112245759396496,0.0906939365579738,0.12403949897499993,0.10928187697075882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509807803636276,0.0,0.1675466266440304,0.0,0.16522081081059012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247279614760356,0.0,0.06576836392428334,0.1819548967685369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045048687491888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412465166781443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04289961591460008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926367968016261,0.3147696763422749,0.0,0.0,0.14466819441910034,0.0,0.0,0.06581671364345626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061098771733847486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493101361077248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356266532106866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243049749815551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883447042193133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022038841635159,0.0,0.0,0.046525858662585184,0.0,0.0,0.05697054492294639,0.0,0.0,0.08222029085582673,0.0,0.0,0.04912559646963245,0.0721651406076544,0.0,0.05865475207477521,0.0,0.06875066091463303,0.04201227724300205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344422194664919,0.0,0.0,0.0729965402882674,0.0,0.04963618979073292,0.0,0.11127462398291216,0.057363133022388324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929971007353138,0.0,0.045049183067382544,0.0,0.0,0.04395758735511576,0.0,0.2255719483078081,0.03984851965155437
ptsd,haoxinwars,2020/02/02,"Guy I’m seeing gives me panic attacks Three weeks ago I had a fight with the guy I’m seeing because of a miscommunication. It wasn’t that big of a fight and we made up and apologised etc. But it’s like now he’s become tangled to the abusive-relationship ptsd stuff and now every time I see him I get a panic attack. He didn’t do anything abusive in the fight, it’s just the fact that there was a conflict that triggered me.

Has anyone else experienced this and what did they do?",1.6463636363636347,3.839099343434341,3.527565656565656,87.40468181818184,80.81818181818181,5.576161616161617,22.021212121212123,6.742157984588678,0.5248254545454545,381,12,79,4,10,128,64,99,0.262,0.7,0.038,-0.9719,0,0,0,0,3,0,7.0,1,0,1,0,4,8,5,2,9,0,8,0,0,2,1,12,16,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,6,4,8,1,6,10,1,8,0,0,3,0,11,3,0,0,6,51,17,0,0.0,0.19717531824269469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751742191692802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636168326839715,0.17051248696112398,0.13694589033377552,0.0,0.0,0.3786436249554424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014454281559328,0.18379299727796086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901891134865882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559742607409585,0.0,0.0,0.14021235224871287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694530217020012,0.1596410436833013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295552903959193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130227462420495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746650019716948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905057892857317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453097503157396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866811562549553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39783515213523096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905060906268144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703829664887402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348858656341525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,puppysundaes,2020/02/02,"[Possible TW] Coping mechanisms? And when is it time to consider in-patient treatment? Hi there,

​

I've been living with PTSD for five years now and as of last Christmas it's the worst it's ever been. I've been having nightmares and they're severely impacting my sleep, the flashbacks are so intense that I feel like I'm right back in that situation. I can't remember a single day in the past month where I haven't had a total breakdown over this. I have no healthy coping mechanisms and I'm really struggling right now.

​

I am tired of living like this. I'm tired of being triggered by things that shouldn't even impact me. I can't talk to my friends comfortably, whether it be them shoving their mouse out of frustration or raising their voices when they're speaking passionately about something, I am constantly on edge. Even around my own husband I find myself fearing that he is angry with me and will lash out. He's never so much as raised his voice to me.   


I am always assuming that people are out to hurt me. It is very hard for me to trust anyone, especially men. Even if they are my friends. And it's only getting worse.

​

I finally made a therapy appointment for the 19th of Feb but I don't know how to make it until then. I have one coping mechanism and it's not something I want to keep doing. I don't know how else to self-soothe. The thoughts are constantly at the front of my mind. I've considered checking myself in to an in-patient program but I don't know what they could do for me. I'm already on medication to treat my BD and depression/anxiety. What else could they even do?

​

I guess I just need some guidance... if that's not asking for too much. I feel so lost and alone right now. At what point is this an emergency? What can I do to cope with these feelings?

 I hope this makes sense... thank you so much for reading.",2.9912034976152633,5.174575245945949,3.8027662957074746,87.1813036565978,76.27027027027026,7.055643879173293,26.287758346581874,8.027739517013583,1.6517186009538958,1491,57,294,25,34,475,192,370,0.10300000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.078,-0.7963,0,1,2,0,0,0,60.0,0,1,6,1,23,16,1,2,11,0,35,5,1,6,3,54,58,27,0,8,9,1,4,2,2,2,3,3,0,1,24,16,0,1,10,1,1,1,11,6,0,2,7,7,42,10,43,45,8,37,0,2,0,1,18,17,0,7,21,206,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819867323442106,0.08735592957626913,0.0,0.06586814085182424,0.3430828468513207,0.3847562270075843,0.0,0.0,0.06055780802615441,0.0,0.0,0.05535108354723492,0.0,0.0,0.07046990984153635,0.07400467759605445,0.0,0.0,0.06086978165963959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108944069812068,0.0,0.1264069413613178,0.0,0.0,0.05105217789590066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322574091499949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913989112287024,0.0716054906567877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907792669180489,0.12007826216777845,0.05655250319596741,0.0,0.0867168052349209,0.07235155225309528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231890107620028,0.0,0.04135825943117283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720456415404286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091254290443003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862455244455584,0.0,0.0,0.08474329141302415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036177101370808,0.0,0.0,0.13051414370712025,0.06452663098227529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734795284672223,0.0,0.1398009027020074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641338246708287,0.0,0.0,0.0749038786951906,0.10568091954834632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974619458399586,0.0,0.0,0.0799298585536236,0.0,0.06318540857170707,0.0,0.17457692568342195,0.058696742465677576,0.061053701871301866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364141802605231,0.06020536814715133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755679566776004,0.05488014295394336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483255872393765,0.08924192658500463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253475842783793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918223864099548,0.0,0.05071244614238031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967377372861401,0.20280871454659566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258199604617797,0.08942919052714599,0.0,0.0,0.08898007456635998,0.07921798559481852,0.0,0.0,0.12188372813220152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275607316607775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362646582447076,0.0,0.07288064433395745,0.09052729271543226,0.0,0.05259092907574155,0.0,0.0,0.06284484603121178,0.04615930875376016,0.1819674273098136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531596408620566,0.04669110061659098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067163501294689,0.0,0.0,0.3847562270075843,0.05097697050094235
ptsd,s_in_progress,2020/02/03,"(Potential trigger warning) My flashbacks are being triggered by public events at my college I was sexually assaulted and nearly killed a little over a year ago- it’s been 389 days, and I’ve survived it, and I am so proud of myself for it. (Was not on campus at the time)

Starting a few days ago, a spotlight was put on my college’s truly terrible handling of sexual assaults on campus, and people are very rightfully upset, because the school seriously and repeatedly fucked up, to the point where they could face legal repercussions. The thing is, the students here are very vocal about and frequently fairly united on their opinions on issues like this. So now I’ve been getting about five emails every day about ‘addressing campus sexual assault’ or whatever (my tone is dismissive because administration is just trying to minimize the problem without actually trying to solve it) and starting today, there’s a massive sit in in our union building, there are local news crews here to cover it, and there must be thousands of fliers everywhere on campus. It has been months since I was as triggered as I was today. I have had multiple panic attacks, flashbacks, and auditory hallucinations. I feel like I can’t even breathe when I’m not locked away in my room, but even there, I’m starting to feel like a caged animal. I don’t think the organizers of the sit in (the sit in is the reason for all the other things listed) realize how damaging this is to the very population they’re trying to champion, and I don’t know how to fix it enough that I feel okay in my own skin on campus again.",9.397611003861002,8.087129793918919,9.3192277992278,65.9060810810811,60.18243243243244,12.105791505791506,38.71042471042471,11.062562989136584,4.361605984555984,1273,52,212,27,14,418,168,296,0.086,0.828,0.086,-0.0112,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,2,2,20,17,6,2,18,1,28,4,3,6,2,34,40,19,1,3,6,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,13,10,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,12,0,2,9,4,20,5,40,27,4,48,0,1,0,1,5,25,1,2,22,156,33,10,0.0,0.0,0.12819382272153598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23289525992325924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944727257696785,0.12342225430707307,0.0,0.0,0.1601584345183783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488469878744593,0.0,0.0,0.2541597277834248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357357247478393,0.0,0.17353140775838796,0.0,0.11068113785165176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992671007265025,0.1876951439377277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144533003872132,0.06863307562220701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711149968457015,0.0,0.0,0.14533651269507647,0.0,0.0721950683129797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925357100358556,0.13166278757994698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485472513510567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412916338189067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107232880009798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418290161486165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256990857599352,0.0,0.13205865665656366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506565969713982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121854581064863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329489453398384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866693674973853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27894362776528475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454686255857932,0.0841737372621359,0.0,0.0,0.07660030600750511,0.0,0.249038353969233,0.0,0.0,0.2675657470453061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251709983051469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663169809260866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459510432745927
ptsd,anonykous123dpdr,2020/02/03,"I'm not afraid to die That's it. I'm not saying that in a numb insane kind of way either. I can function like a normal person because I am. 
Idk what the recovery rate is for this disorder but I will say that I am. 🙏",-1.9736734693877551,-0.10806306122448817,1.5889795918367329,96.13816326530615,97.9795918367347,4.4326530612244905,15.16326530612245,6.1826913282559595,-0.5254163265306122,166,4,40,2,7,60,38,49,0.156,0.7559999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.2475,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,7,1,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,2,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356613845920385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465759999579067,0.0,0.38272306942995504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34774612084431256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314574637862775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271893559189283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291582687931835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5311234537536675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26506526530832186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,stonedxmonaxlisa,2020/02/03,"Is it possible to have PTSD (feelings/symptoms) from helping your friends/loved ones through their trauma? Generalized examples (CW/TW):

- talking someone out of suicide/self harm
- watching your friend’s mental heath decline to a point where you are worried about their safety 
- supporting your friends through their traumatic times (assault, stalking, etc)",12.48557575757576,13.481288709090911,8.723636363636363,65.17212121212124,52.81818181818181,10.969696969696967,54.6969696969697,10.504223727775694,6.525424242424243,289,20,36,5,3,80,48,55,0.19,0.639,0.171,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,4,3,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,7,3,8,4,1,4,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,0,1,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28532683960994604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953193892703208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148272354089025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578243873892775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733623538723808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418494701309772,0.2884187448096288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299060765475493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668946822973963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677058705294944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903217697034853,0.0,0.2659134932671993,0.0,0.20563277947935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491811125274008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598157636976127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,limitlesscascade,2020/02/03,"concerned i was violated So I'm in my mid 20's and kinda the outcast at my work,

this retail store, and I know this sounds extreme.. but I have been concerned that coworkers are putting drugs in my food...

i pursued this female coworker my age that this one other coworker guy seemed to be into, they are friends and had worked here longer than i...

i went way overboard with this girl, we connected early
ok and so i asked her to hang out,

would turn to her during tough times,
talked to her about God because we shared that same faith, one day i sent her a super long message about it and it made things awkward... she backed away.

this guy who doesn't like me is an atheist... 

I used to leave my backpack in the break room usually, and this has been a concern.

my coworkers aren't too fond of me, that's also another reason.

is it likely that my food was being tampered with/drugged? I've left my backpack in the non-surveillance break room for a full year before leaving it somewhere more safe.

To be clear, I'm concerned about only the past year and resolving that. Anything you could share to alleviate these concerns would be appreciated.

(had a traumatic event a few years ago involving my own family betraying me in this sort of way, so that's where the concern comes from)",5.482862903225808,6.212797528225808,5.585645161290324,82.62346774193551,67.66935483870968,8.780645161290323,30.822580645161292,8.841846274778883,2.3415999999999992,1009,38,198,16,16,318,151,248,0.078,0.768,0.154,0.9699,0,0,2,0,0,0,36.0,2,1,1,4,11,14,1,1,11,1,21,3,0,3,1,28,32,12,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,2,3,23,13,2,1,4,0,2,5,2,3,0,2,9,1,30,11,25,16,5,37,1,0,0,0,21,15,0,3,15,133,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875318595623954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071329316819732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047551671045047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102429839772264,0.0,0.12524055831948208,0.0,0.1258659014502542,0.10301194042692068,0.0,0.08166471212461864,0.0,0.11399559251415198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154002452656189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696131937742216,0.0,0.0,0.0863972855608928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107171299884036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629165816047638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239855565049084,0.0,0.10350215663006664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26529572015763525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362446427909006,0.0,0.0,0.2837022811715484,0.14555495351600306,0.0,0.0,0.13089849336643733,0.0,0.0,0.11855610365753802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676230601645885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155828417499104,0.10188753151167294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278861471030811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467329662471933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377398355604296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195803605599012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767716801967407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890013649669263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811692162916056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571704179109218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570401061187804,0.1475451318340612,0.0,0.0,0.21267268465651892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418825291494626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505836050483166,0.0,0.0,0.19033186258698084,0.0,0.0,0.2588100288128613
ptsd,Girafesarefab,2020/02/03,"Everynight I go back to when I was a little kid dealing with the abuse and trauma, sometimes even the not so bad stuff but it’s really confusing, because I feel like I’m like 5 or 6 and people will be trying to talk to me and realize what’s happened, sometimes I can even be in between is that normal Like it’ll be like part of me knows where I am the other part of me thinks I’m back in time. I’ll wake up in a corner squeezing a stuffed animal or hiding in a closet or under a bed or sometimes even outside confused and dazed. It feels like everything goes numb and then it’s like I’m that scared little kid again. And it can be really dangerous especially when you end up with someone who may not know or may take advantage of the situation to get things it’s just all really confusing",1.730853658536585,3.8281590975609774,3.7331097560975617,86.55442073170731,79.97560975609757,7.0268292682926825,23.054878048780488,8.07648339933343,1.3433121951219515,628,21,129,12,16,213,93,164,0.165,0.6990000000000001,0.136,-0.6282,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,11,16,1,4,9,0,13,2,1,0,1,30,25,16,0,1,9,0,3,6,0,4,1,0,2,2,13,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,1,3,9,7,17,16,3,20,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,10,14,89,22,0,0.0,0.15908976494410085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064929826296621,0.11211108952356776,0.08185065688655971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842801516099773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892469038464465,0.0,0.0,0.2660551676504484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067456153149915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578340422213098,0.19184716523883705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701513141123759,0.0,0.07630958470754268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873583929635055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475842039329962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935896198772246,0.2691506240889888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155755623679874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908058881272709,0.0,0.09308694804482973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580532731070145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442919001414064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509267857617464,0.0,0.0,0.1137678017045919,0.0,0.3983938246191687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537087372210308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100955453696526,0.1079223413001891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920401476744176,0.08603575213782345,0.0,0.0,0.0782947883235749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116153106707298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AcentricInferior,2020/02/03,"Trauma & Guilt - a letter to his new wife You. You, what can I say to you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’m so sorry if you’re happy, and I’m sorry if you’re excited for the future. I’m sorry if you’re so comfortable with who you share your life with, I’m sorry I allowed that. I’ve been carrying guilt for years that I granted him the freedom to do this to another individual, and that I was so scared to open up about what occurred four years ago. 

You’re going to find out soon, and you’re not going to believe it at first. You’re going to be told bluntly, and you will reject it. Perhaps you’ve already been told, by his friends that are no longer his friends for a reason that you should know by now. I couldn’t comprehend it either, not at first. I didn’t understand what information I had just been handed, what it meant and what it was doing to me. Four years later I am still processing what it was and who he is. It still weighs on me as heavy as it did that night, but in a different way.

I mourned my relationship first, I had succumbed to what I thought was love, but was ultimately masterful manipulation. He made it easy to attach myself to him with promises of an appealing future. He had a way of convincing me he was smarter than me, and everyone else. You’ll be okay if you stick with me, the rest of the world is toxic and confused. We’re okay if we just stay here. I love you because you’re practical, you’re not like any other girl I’ve dated. They’re all crazy, you’re sane. You’re grounded, and you pay half of the rent. 

He was secretive to start, a few early discrepancies regarding other girls online. Inexperienced me deemed this normal, we could moved passed all of that noise - what counted was where we ended up each night. He kept nude images of these girls on his phone, we were not off to a great start. But I was practical, I was different, and I made him feel smart. I existed to embellish him, an important role - and he knew it. I was his type; insecure and accustomed to abuse. This particular trauma, however, is not abuse. Though there was plenty, emotional and physical abuse. I was slapped in the face at a party in front of friends, maliciously choked, kicked off of a bed and a couch - he took a towel once and shoved my head back with it. He shoved me into a wall when I announced his lack of masculinity too loudly. 

He worked in security at a ballet school, often overnight. Based on the mistrust that was instilled in me early on in our relationship, the overnight work worried me. Is he talking to girls? Is he sending them unsolicited dick pics? Probably. By this point he had convinced me it was in my head, and I was massively paranoid. I was turning into one of the girls he didn’t want to be around, someone insane and impractical. But I paid rent, and contributed towards the idea of a future. I was being molded into someone who would love him no matter what doubts I had. 

He had some performance issues come up at his job. I can’t remember what they were regarding, or if they were even real…But he lost his full time position. He maintained employment with the same company at a different location, part-time. We got by with savings and my serving job. I got a call one day from his manager, Patrick. They had originally tried to call him, and I was listed as his emergency contact. It was not the first time I had received a call from his work, so I didn’t think much of it. I was at work when he called so he left a voicemail - I listened to it on my way home from work. He spoke as if he were talking to him, instructing him to call him back - and that they had to cut into all of the lockers at his previous workplace. He listed off a few of the items found in the lockers and wanted to be sure that they were his, and make sure everything was accounted for. There was a laptop, and a safe box. 

I asked him about these items but he assured me they weren’t his. I let it go, as I had many things during our time together. He was picking up a few evening shifts where he could at this time, quite sporadically. He would leave around 2 or 4, and return around 10pm. I got cut from work when the dinner shift showed up, around 4:30. I left work, walked south on Bay Street, east on College, and hopped on the northbound train. I got home around 5:15pm. I unloaded, changed into sweats, the usual. Cleaning was pretty relaxing after a day in the service industry, so I went to grab some supplies under the kitchen sink cupboard. Our kitchen counters were L shaped, and I always thought it was weird that where the space under the cupboard should have ended, it extended passed where the wall above sat. This particular evening I noticed that this was not the case, and somehow the wall had moved forward. I was frightened, I was one of those people that ready creepy stories at night - you know the one where people discover there are people living in small spaces in their home. 

It wasn’t the wall, it was a piece of bristol board. It was relieving for a brief moment - but that relief was short lived. I removed that board and discovered a safe and a laptop. Since that moment I’ve really repressed what I found - through denial or embarrassment, I’ve somehow forgotten in detail what it was I had seen. I still don’t know what journey I set out to after that moment, but it wasn’t to deal with seeing those images. That was my second mistake. My first was my initial thought - the end of my four year relationship. Logic was not present, logic would have been to immediately call the police - instead of waiting for him to come home to confront him about it.* 

If he somehow sees this - he will frantically come up with something to tell you to convince you I am just some crazy ex-girlfriend out to get me for breaking up with me. Or perhaps he has already set something in place to manipulate you into believing that none of this is truth, and anything anyone ever says apart from him is a lie. When I left Toronto, he covered his tracks - and somehow convinced his family and our mutual friends that I was not to be trusted. He was fine, and merely unhappy in our relationship. He never got the help he claimed to seek, he paused his search for child pornography, but not for long. It’s never for very long. Damaged people don’t get better without proper treatment. 

I think about this every fucking day. It’s with me, for better or for worse. I think about the children who attended and lived at the ballet school that he worked at - it’s such a privilege for them to be there, a dream. I think about the children that were trafficked and exploited - contributing to his sick obsession. I think about the women who are trafficked in Southern Ontario. I think about his other ex-girlfriend who also knew about this. I think about his family who are under his false influence. But most of all, I think of you. 

(*the crime described in this letter has since been reported.)",4.236727368007333,5.7575071299183405,4.8205762260360725,84.02256616009434,71.24201930215294,7.9252631119262835,27.60825800253286,8.465395283522192,1.8843969518319568,5452,194,1069,89,102,1742,496,1347,0.115,0.784,0.1,-0.9427,13,0,2,0,3,0,182.0,10,17,9,19,59,59,4,10,66,2,112,17,7,10,11,189,181,75,1,21,37,1,3,1,4,8,2,5,11,9,90,71,4,6,29,5,5,22,26,22,0,14,94,11,152,37,177,68,22,178,0,4,3,6,161,92,2,24,60,748,242,22,0.0,0.15719651459723208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039202378834535104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760574048393876,0.035366341876492714,0.036798352975738906,0.04791726142216832,0.0,0.030074197955561207,0.046373277303814485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03092282070846325,0.0,0.03639302126443485,0.19684604597774466,0.04134396709573968,0.0,0.0,0.06801186983875653,0.0,0.026958863935678184,0.0,0.0,0.0996518054521564,0.0,0.07822600851721691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27094914766919204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04678369038167771,0.11428655398352347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061937966734756,0.0,0.0,0.08556349267332654,0.04559355010166235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861566817154755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03694392131475685,0.04974664549774156,0.11750942516377327,0.0,0.0,0.0876296579270368,0.04000362065959953,0.037261075191719895,0.04225843506543184,0.039746157313485284,0.0,0.08338190486397587,0.0,0.022361251933634158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04042042061186064,0.1880868195824673,0.0,0.0969798322930888,0.13667105338625468,0.04088486676312663,0.04621098483511639,0.0,0.10053528166401594,0.0,0.17685198921107625,0.04875770212412228,0.0,0.0,0.039107607166980266,0.04707783615197599,0.0,0.0,0.09077425622877992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029642771262923362,0.0,0.17744324383894305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992411305454166,0.0,0.04615892101004457,0.08777204714750025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291393785145693,0.0,0.0,0.04682739335855465,0.14415024867830134,0.04522257978010972,0.0312370944854382,0.021605872231974986,0.0,0.11715321468222953,0.07827463745590597,0.0,0.0,0.04827630032863111,0.0,0.11974309900602942,0.08369264205219222,0.0295202181969055,0.04483673364383611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400735628753558,0.03251011920502171,0.0,0.06821737012404151,0.042712328119896316,0.0,0.12450518093115055,0.04333065112982085,0.0,0.050349922250654607,0.0,0.04709768273334294,0.1198707483839461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789085798408835,0.0,0.12263888706506808,0.0,0.04620522272384919,0.0,0.04180647691568939,0.0,0.0,0.044992247559156436,0.04768152486419469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703823297382199,0.0,0.0503371988487836,0.02833136732382475,0.04547018398509599,0.0,0.1899223851226876,0.05009777315189988,0.0,0.0,0.07033824501053804,0.04427647108070717,0.08951517386110154,0.07048245169976335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316597894960022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494260408113926,0.06809240995426596,0.0,0.2970344539072874,0.0626047020607031,0.04713746633627554,0.10595330399058926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336219515842479,0.0,0.0,0.07109200647623315,0.038654189821241615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02938081364410621,0.2266983527036961,0.04345037767552536,0.10532801428986042,0.10315071988797073,0.0,0.0,0.08451687013086369,0.04913508174725269,0.0300255539257483,0.04810359089689782,0.0,0.04603929697136976,0.0,0.0,0.048707073471542364,0.03648987006938294,0.05216954901399712,0.10531012390776727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04099658378314844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263087022657897,0.0,0.2575678852497162,0.044912158465652136,0.0450685758235452,0.09424751497825552,0.0,0.0,0.11391659335565127
ptsd,RichMan_24,2020/02/03,"Gabapentin lower your sex drive? I’m trying to figure out if it’s from Gabapentin or something else. Anyway, did it lower your sex drive or cause any other sexual issues ?",4.068020833333332,6.5985005937500025,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,74.3125,5.5166666666666675,20.041666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.3787791666666664,137,3,23,1,3,42,25,32,0.145,0.855,0.0,-0.5803,2,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,6,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257296571027953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920547219598811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40013472145358303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4999411633538361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687499393746031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32520280005495417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dah94,2020/02/03,"Can you deal on your own? This post will likely be lengthy.

I was diagnosed with PTSD last year stemming from a traumatic incidents in my childhood and my early adult life. I've suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a child, as well.

I started therapy last summer and have had a total of about 6 appointments. I didn't feel like it was doing anything for me except frustrating me because I desperately want to get better, but I kept going because I know you have to work to trust your provider first and then go from there. But she has canceled more appointments than I've been to and I'm at a loss of what to do. My next appointment isn't for 2 weeks but I haven't been in over 2 months and I'm not sure I want to go back if she's just going to continue to cancel constantly.

I've had so many ideas of ways to try to improve on my own, such as: exercising more, reading more, meditating, taking herbal supplements (my therapist has mentioned meds but I hate the side effects), journaling. But the problem is I feel suffocated almost all the time. How can I improve on my own when it's difficult to get out of bed on days where I don't have to work? I get these grand ideas, but then I don't have the energy to do them 90% of the time, so then I end up humiliated and disappointed in myself. I'm going through a divorce and it's made my stress and anxiety increase even more and I just don't know what to do.

I just feel constantly on edge, I feel suffocated by my own consciousness, I can't stop isolating myself and I just don't want to feel this way anymore. All I do is fantasize about quitting my job and moving far the fuck away, but I know my problems would just follow me. 

This is sort of a rant, but has anyone tried to deal with their issues on their own and had any kind of success? What would you do if you were me?",4.244319999999998,4.915095725333334,5.364000000000001,83.32200000000002,70.41333333333333,9.093333333333334,28.6,9.281916038205594,2.2162800000000007,1447,51,307,29,25,480,181,375,0.158,0.7559999999999999,0.087,-0.9791,1,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,0,6,3,8,17,20,3,1,12,0,39,4,0,3,4,62,68,32,0,9,17,0,5,2,0,3,3,0,1,2,10,16,0,2,12,2,0,8,9,11,1,1,12,5,50,9,52,52,13,52,0,4,0,1,17,17,1,4,26,218,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361298415062677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036499896763845,0.0,0.1583126977232626,0.0,0.10261713594869767,0.07235053285353298,0.0,0.08514923348862476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721602812436472,0.07956413597567476,0.0,0.1261520214640951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151321369716857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236345055387869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673134539362217,0.2133516651433225,0.08912090355585474,0.10502263441319416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164611907029213,0.0,0.0,0.06834275678974233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615945854234019,0.07392093303715941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801384419496648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565886384835284,0.16218067918326184,0.0,0.2940296612794455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215789062716568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23361621604898,0.0,0.10799863836829232,0.1026807101563836,0.0,0.0,0.10775091680976984,0.17059770535611213,0.16868815696541592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308584336871528,0.10110309039957094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790839111159842,0.0,0.10490509908934777,0.0,0.0,0.11493486752202825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259093925108117,0.1099751278138354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100444133703902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990982648594919,0.0,0.0,0.19801884068721776,0.12095407444036338,0.0,0.0,0.11005597620702223,0.1035007228597934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559370462451299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323852497047385,0.0,0.0,0.08650782851939663,0.11852765307721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752181562630764,0.0,0.07779860935809348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833007496881187,0.12013980502028285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067155222482108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050237177463085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830926763834076,0.1642636604086431,0.08299957594675908,0.0,0.0930344033572566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065874746247154,0.0,0.0,0.1470081053964539,0.0,0.0,0.06663304027019823
ptsd,interested-person,2020/02/03,"Anyone else have nightmares like this? I feel very alone in my experience and I'm needing to reach out. While my trauma involved social rejection, the effects of it have made me feel like a stranger on this planet. I feel like an alien, unable to properly connect with people. I feel fundamentally broken, completely detached from my former self.

So many of my bad dreams (90% of my dreams are bad) involve feeling like an outsider who doesn't belong in society. I see people's judging eyes. I feel horror and shame. I believe that I'm different and less than because I feel dead inside. I feel like a ghost observing some strange version of the rest of my life playing out.

There's this burning desire just to feel normal and be accepted as such. Instead I'm just left feeling like I'm bad. These dreams are an intensified version of what I feel every day.

The worst part of these dreams (and I guess my waking life too) is that I really do believe I am less than. It makes sense that people act weirdly with me. And it's because I'm very weird. I'm not normal anymore. I used to feel normal. I used to feel like I could belong.",2.92641341991342,5.241805377272732,3.942987012987015,85.45257575757577,77.04545454545455,6.190476190476191,25.93073593073593,7.2636822038024595,1.3663463203463202,893,34,167,11,21,288,118,220,0.18,0.66,0.16,-0.8744,1,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,7,18,0,1,8,0,10,4,2,5,0,40,36,9,2,6,3,0,13,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,10,0,0,15,5,0,1,2,9,0,0,1,15,24,9,23,33,8,10,0,1,2,0,5,6,0,2,10,99,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923980855897381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847563287022718,0.06238002185049029,0.09140958057372099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234681664703168,0.10876721352342464,0.0,0.0,0.2010257039664235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353845995871768,0.0,0.0,0.07122957003582056,0.0,0.0,0.05753520561063145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320892263659612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452627431968364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516606284225875,0.0,0.0,0.08726773753081071,0.0,0.0,0.5864161023950328,0.3824040462066725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827852083057233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693052419206814,0.0,0.12602800080357232,0.3050958242927821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441579261416067,0.059550578309637024,0.09044829547653856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615054020463669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622303110467303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660932279274673,0.0,0.1855478319789479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715233190970706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710914589351164,0.0,0.09306894079899228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094173637656462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541033146426156,0.0,0.14722065064566875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,b_sparx,2020/02/03,"Thank You TL;DR: Just thanking everyone who posts because it has been extremely helpful for someone who has been recently diagnosed. Thank you so much.

Hi everyone. This is my first post. I'm not big on sharing, but I've been lurking for a couple of months now. After years of trying to find help for what ailed me I finally found a mental health professional who was equipped to help. She not only recognised I needed trauma therapy, but diagnosed me with PTSD. 

This was only back in December so very recent. While I was relieved I've also been overwhelmed. Trying to come to grips with everything at the same time as trying to figure out what traits I exhibit are part of myself and what are actual behaviours due to years of trauma and symptoms of PTSD has been confusing. 

I have a wonderful partner and friends, but this has been a very isolating journey for me. I don't really feel I can speak to those I know about it. Trying to talk to someone about disassociating, for instance, was frustrating

While I would prefer none of us had to go through any of these things, I'm glad we're not alone. I wanted to thank everyone who has had the courage to share their experiences and to ask questions. It makes me feel less alone and helps me to understand what is going on with my brain.",5.172244990892533,6.76491705327869,5.65568306010929,78.65807832422587,69.04098360655738,9.19271402550091,29.94899817850637,9.586721724236666,2.848988888888889,1027,40,186,23,18,330,140,244,0.064,0.7559999999999999,0.18,0.9836,0,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,2,1,1,8,15,1,2,6,0,25,5,1,1,0,33,44,14,0,4,7,0,3,0,2,1,4,1,0,1,17,10,0,0,10,0,0,4,5,5,0,1,13,4,23,10,39,30,5,26,0,1,0,0,22,6,0,3,14,135,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0981117814134016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082566337488808,0.0,0.08040118254047311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837012117418331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399060431583242,0.0,0.0,0.0773084587164977,0.0,0.061287778870252586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223502629998193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660564066667484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124474105004234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409039568562715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28820861626875105,0.09035817333338528,0.09834665478754223,0.0,0.0,0.1016713068503495,0.0,0.0,0.11013580753445648,0.0918910309504478,0.08551861409652066,0.0,0.11023607171715724,0.07767635644705208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427751788769445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686849558866092,0.0,0.0,0.2695572950845598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525372916630182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711071391473446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131989251808704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802494508254456,0.0,0.07390789914726427,0.07454856199541032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292922336870274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887418405458267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257757339585346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350499494728089,0.0,0.11262694236758974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440800249510924,0.0,0.19854071265018056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037311949956274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104498751377862,0.0,0.08080962133184813,0.0,0.37025204494593306,0.11497536677132113,0.0,0.06679379420232172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058625231073208814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730381389733164,0.0,0.0,0.10466487975366598,0.1209363095570513,0.0,0.0,0.16591078119259264,0.05930064025248447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903050165306112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142018138993506,0.0,0.0,0.12948793020157376
ptsd,mysticrectangle,2020/02/03,"Serious question: how do you truly recover from past trauma when trauma keeps happening in the present? I was finally healing from the darkest period in my life, and last year so much bad shit suddenly happened and I was betrayed once again by people and had to go through a sexually abusive situation as well as family abuse which has left me more scarred. I cannot begin to comprehend how the universe could throw this shit at me just as I was finally healing, because I’m re traumatized even worse, I barely have social support, and I just want to die many times, because experiences have left me feeling I do not deserve recovery, happiness and love. I’ve been suffering deeply for years and see no way out of the hellhole. Please help :(",10.44250608272506,8.439981875912412,9.938357664233576,64.47814476885648,58.708029197080286,13.804866180048665,45.461070559610704,12.45797560212912,5.750543552311436,595,31,100,16,6,193,100,137,0.311,0.579,0.11,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,1,1,13.0,0,1,0,0,9,11,2,0,5,0,12,6,2,2,0,17,23,13,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,7,1,0,5,2,12,4,16,17,2,22,0,1,1,1,5,6,2,1,13,66,14,0,0.0,0.33786257745630816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904644425484165,0.17382811466156753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383671114102953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797316762901586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417124217003656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946837281525418,0.1344095893096329,0.0,0.07209158135094418,0.0,0.0,0.3123738554952943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103020638370385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25216202132927057,0.1517766386626912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556684314057384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267296323445389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162198748411596,0.0,0.0,0.3098222291009768,0.0,0.10070686314646393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868196272175922,0.0,0.0,0.14455143390846378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481103251077298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151840623069262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610657078137767,0.09884544176999184,0.0,0.0,0.15650752591529776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597196815804141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136159866095137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927079700461344,0.0,0.1602633358047164,0.0,0.14534003461422665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617955118314349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313821757701946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840960358111176,0.11317156104537425,0.0,0.0,0.12819449697727225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529888174406275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836307596170147
ptsd,Alianovna-616,2020/02/03,"I’ve given up on trying to rebuild the ability to trust someone again People make mistakes. People lie, and hide things, and hurt your feelings. You’re supposed to forgive them and to move on, and life goes back to normal. Except that I just can’t do it. Establishing trust is difficult for me in the first place after my incident. And after that trust has been broken, even if it’s just by a minor accident, I just cannot trust that person again. What if they keep hurting me, and taking advantage of me, and use my forgiveness to their own advantage, like last time? What if I get put in a situation again that I can’t recover from, like last time? What if I give them everything I have only to have it taken from me, like last time. It just isn’t worth it. I’m too afraid to go through what I did again. I cannot regain trust after being lied to by a person that I had worked so hard to trust in the first place, I just cannot risk making the same mistakes again. I’d rather be dead and alone than to even slightly risk the possibility of having to deal with what happened to me again.",4.753324675324674,5.1943348000000045,5.449480519480519,83.98136363636365,69.18181818181819,8.467532467532468,26.168831168831172,8.418075326091056,1.5181103896103902,856,23,178,12,14,278,117,220,0.133,0.687,0.18,0.8563,0,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,4,5,17,21,0,3,8,0,17,1,0,3,0,31,30,13,1,8,11,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,16,9,0,1,3,0,1,3,6,8,0,2,5,2,22,13,33,23,2,29,0,2,0,0,11,8,0,4,21,129,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473769654026874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941774905797064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670214583169336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797189262851227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788753131640326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194973049549015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420758197059148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434440421058856,0.136504422711172,0.08087076746063196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258329276168766,0.0,0.12747032456868915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046641516154785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648027303763268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34797358511257764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050870748917744,0.2085576454517344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189968947153687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123938430540393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942102527342876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822341865299777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973018974694868,0.24849682037646534,0.2973405364182357,0.0,0.0,0.16041869154596358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304797010737827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994799397345394,0.0,0.0,0.12056794007489775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698977135132227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453592445117197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24892389248985297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661044557554424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289907699692952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035940428503917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ufopussyhunter,2020/02/03,"What happened? What is this caused? I got into a fight with a relative. The fight was so toxic that I lost control of myself, and got extremely angry / depressive.

I ran into my bathroom to cry and I “blacked out.” I stared into space for hours. I couldn’t move. I could hear noise from my environment but I couldn’t react or respond to it.

My relative found me curled up with my clothes on in the tub, fetal position style. Completely mute yet crying. 

They think it was a ploy for attention. They don’t believe I couldn’t help it. They also said I was weak minded and deserve to sit in a tub like that if I couldn’t get myself out. 

I eventually “came too,” after two hours.

What happened to me?",1.0251278772378534,3.51989113768116,2.7961722080136404,89.47384910485935,86.89855072463769,5.855754475703325,21.16112531969309,7.285733465282438,0.8531401534526859,539,18,109,9,17,178,84,138,0.153,0.7959999999999999,0.051,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,2,0,19.0,0,0,3,2,4,6,2,0,6,0,10,1,0,3,0,26,22,8,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,9,11,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,10,4,23,1,20,7,0,18,0,2,2,0,9,10,0,2,5,79,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261032570478355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009166862978238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396185378442025,0.0,0.18319389084296775,0.0,0.0,0.1869754667736045,0.0,0.2000121032167384,0.14238188346706326,0.0,0.391773957968538,0.0,0.0,0.15359524828436608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552948843863066,0.0,0.0,0.09316999226961484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852533617529077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31539301492331057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099071437789848,0.0,0.11953074704081125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512379832589436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712296247370488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946681095186764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800623238496218,0.0,0.0,0.18953642061185386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963253528545744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426657451848585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420236221128169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,_XskrrrX_,2020/02/03,"PTSD worse because my brain is more vulnerable?? And ways to cope I was meant to go to uni this year and had my life together but due to different mental health issues I dropped out. Now I have nothing to do and being alone with nothing physically to distract me I think is making my PTSD worse. I’ve been having bad nightmares and random flashbacks during the day with not much triggering it. Even the smallest thing can trigger me when it used to not. The worst thing is there aren’t many professionals who can help me, especially in my area, without paying hundreds of dollars so I can’t even get better anytime soon. 

Does anyone have any ideas on how to distract myself and actually cope with the ptsd? Unlike GA I don’t have many coping mechanisms for PTSD and would like to learn/try some.",5.217709330143542,6.6992289407894745,5.403038277511964,80.93717703349283,68.80263157894737,7.895693779904307,28.949760765550238,8.296473431620573,2.02665,637,23,117,9,11,201,103,152,0.091,0.7859999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.7390000000000001,2,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,2,4,0,18,3,1,5,0,25,24,10,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,3,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,14,2,18,18,4,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,7,81,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.12920687626960725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371302646913362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003903160078686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257972016640044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055152864756444,0.08071204443797927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171002808336353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478062771600745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538940957595556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833364783664165,0.0,0.0,0.11586733831741715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490274223144836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917544950027718,0.0,0.07524805329901127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073890299128805,0.0,0.0,0.08874738479879264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946762003765798,0.0,0.1381950253045101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935206232813616,0.06468574209466585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883804736213022,0.2684730667397171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334317512906374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973319273475426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25408977244789577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6190911896858546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592622167796354,0.08483892144478605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989339641729882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435425415946675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509586532643074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763240692808558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698612896526651,0.09405576381412796,0.0,0.0,0.08526361836947008
ptsd,BikeStoleMyThief,2020/02/03,"Remedies for emotional trauma induced fatigue? I'm definitely suffering from emotional trauma, long story short I felt an emotional pain that grew on me to the point where it came so natural to me just to turn off my emotions and although the relief was great. I didn't want to go through life emotionless, not feeling love for anybody or feeling loved, not feeling fear or nervous for anything and missing out on on the experiential part of living life that goes beyond being superficial and surface pretending and wearing a mask was not enjoyable, very exhausting and tiring.

I decided to turn back on my emotions, and to my mistake I did not realize like a kid who shoved all his dirty stuff under the rug to clean his room, so did I on an emotional level so when I turned my emotions off I was subjected to a FULL FORCE of just bad emotions, nightmares, the guilt and the rage was intense, panic attacks ect.. 

Anyways with time, things started to calm down but I'm still stuck with triggers and a bad fatigue that doesn't seem to improve with diet, or training, weight loss or anything on a physical level.

 Things that do help I've noticed is good companionship, but there's a catch, triggers, and my triggers make me want to destroy whoever accidentally or purposely cased the trigger, so that's a no-no for the time being. 

Meditation has had some interesting results but idk what to make off that.

Dry Fasting also has had good results in terms of the mind, it clears up my mind and body and almost like a relief but my mind becomes so squeaky clean, it was so effective it almost brought me to joyful tears but it's only momentary and I haven't tried to do it consistently long term like cycling it and it's super hard there's a lot of preparation that goes into before and after to secure my safety.

​

Any other natural suggestions, my last option is going to some medical professional and  getting drugs or just turn off my emotions again if I can do it again that is, I'm not suicidal or anything I will adapt even if it ment ridding myself of experiencing any emotions again even though I hate the cruel unrestricted nature that comes with it and solely live life on a cognitive and intellectual level.",8.718704212454213,7.977659240384622,8.644368131868134,68.36967948717951,61.16346153846153,11.385347985347984,39.76144688644689,10.608840637214634,4.325541804029304,1788,83,302,36,21,582,213,416,0.171,0.652,0.17800000000000002,0.9253,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,3,24,37,5,4,22,0,24,16,2,10,2,78,52,41,1,5,22,0,6,3,0,1,10,0,4,1,26,25,2,1,9,1,0,7,8,21,0,0,14,7,28,16,50,35,8,50,0,5,0,2,9,27,0,16,19,216,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999514952749364,0.0,0.0,0.051908172916259716,0.0,0.07032950991260963,0.07887225237172772,0.08828148940293568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024517723686693,0.0,0.0,0.0738440253576439,0.0,0.049911465430566467,0.1083935869951428,0.0,0.07168753866197129,0.05523327734073166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209991784296255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423927490691817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591386132892018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752745129731007,0.0,0.0,0.7301454828204941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574433948440567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304133081279858,0.09846071183007854,0.0,0.062323382274560024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03391257993021697,0.0,0.0737792277615983,0.10888616317448828,0.0,0.0715630483270501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058146240010498125,0.06408477844912748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043507527631963104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290997640883968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754268176342724,0.09513463584166372,0.0,0.11463270825234212,0.11488588302991448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05518380929965677,0.1171668722093684,0.0,0.08665530611234651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538957961857594,0.0,0.0,0.19662053632999046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738999945098761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493666655125121,0.0690683765598682,0.0761574142697258,0.0,0.07029075684523768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136053992628639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909124976542578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594333945091879,0.0,0.05183687966936884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743059471221127,0.07100055243816178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624609016022515,0.0,0.06377333922559572,0.0,0.07569860381772188,0.07460402115821106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406934849318342,0.2824119636561987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053557206789101496,0.07657071179820889,0.0,0.0,0.07904238967866795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887225237172772,0.0
ptsd,anon_zp,2020/02/03,"coping mechanism needed it’s been 6 years since i was raped, bare in mind i was only a child at the time and still am really. but i’ve always had to put up with nightmares and flashbacks but as i’ve gotten older they e gotten better. but on bad days it will feel as if i am literally there again. like as if i’m seeing thruough my own eyes replaying the moment exactly and i can’t escape till i cant recall any more of the memory. sadly this has happened in school and i don’t want it to happen again.
any suggestions??",1.7365137614678898,3.6016373761467904,4.033477064220183,85.55865596330277,78.90825688073394,6.928807339449541,19.156880733944952,7.908726449838941,0.7410579816513763,410,9,84,7,10,142,79,109,0.107,0.795,0.098,-0.4606,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,0,4,0,11,2,1,0,1,15,20,13,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,6,3,8,2,13,13,2,15,0,1,2,1,3,5,0,2,10,55,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991575764114487,0.0,0.0,0.34311579398423536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106418452847316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231196577732772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269863493424674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275594900822889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461777402592617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325043574811607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547291695112229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706116502464828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918690174830296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25360937419143514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616159408197217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553191110729954,0.20103314486270346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086872191655881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014697786105692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710550721379195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880027938057672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245895582551945
ptsd,yeetx100,2020/02/03,"Anyone else's trauma make them super agreeable?? Being agreeable is something I'm very good at. I will go as far to agree to something I completely dont believe in. For example, me and my Mom were at this Christian guys house for a few days and I'm atheist. Whenever they brought up faith I would ""agree"" with them and play along. Eventually they found out I'm atheist and were v confused. I think I do it as a way of protecting myself, I ""fawn"" in response to anxiety about them being angry with me if I disagree. I think it's because as a child when my dad was alive he would always get angry if you disagreed with him. So in response to this i always made myself agree with him, sometimes even convincing myself that I do agree with him even though i never really did about anything. I always feared my fathers anger. He never even hit me, it was just that he was almost always in a bad mood or angry at something or someone, or me. And I always thought it was my fault. I'm high rn and thinking very deeply. And it made me realize this might be why I'm so overly agreeable. I'm gonna talk to my therapist about it. My mother is also very agreeable and suffered a lot of trauma as a child, which might've impacted me coupled with my fathers almost constant anger and stress.",4.6698823529411735,5.4463575568627425,5.438039215686273,82.79117647058824,69.50980392156862,7.725490196078431,29.901960784313733,7.724431198458867,1.9127254901960784,1007,38,194,11,17,328,127,255,0.171,0.6990000000000001,0.13,-0.9056,0,0,3,0,1,0,27.0,0,1,5,1,12,16,2,3,6,0,19,0,0,3,2,41,38,23,0,4,6,5,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,12,17,0,1,6,1,0,2,3,10,0,0,12,0,38,5,33,17,2,20,2,1,0,0,21,12,0,10,5,135,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200524352849365,0.0,0.0,0.08786881589761703,0.4571334680658509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840558134583976,0.0,0.0,0.0768287443851526,0.11258225136702517,0.09041963391662533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174293377194853,0.06698016606426394,0.0,0.0,0.12379406071625412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520423073228962,0.11873829800619395,0.0,0.0,0.12157711319710557,0.0,0.07086175146909889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287753461854009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178836284168013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771870855209732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236424803558506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047475901384168,0.0,0.0,0.05740634037165361,0.0,0.0624457866366313,0.09215984389598897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879577561714136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609137210359878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678362118101866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341372865701204,0.0,0.20793706576017906,0.07334393325325768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331248467834964,0.0,0.12868693470873788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694882540405801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039019495424835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309865724719782,0.2537666797088239,0.1086714330179509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586404552508196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831519033927042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757598329055927,0.0,0.21121476057212416,0.10795386330838952,0.08723028172584778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271980773678978,0.0,0.08721546531560126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914714899143667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561073250823778,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DapperAstronaut9,2020/02/03,"Is it possible for somebody to have a horrible childhood and NOT have PTSD? If somebody was abused and molested while growing up, I’d imagine the chances of getting PTSD are through the roof. I actually know somebody who went through those things and not have PTSD.",7.666875000000001,8.686823604166669,6.383333333333333,77.795,62.95833333333334,9.733333333333334,45.16666666666667,9.725611199111238,4.674991666666666,215,14,37,4,3,64,36,48,0.182,0.752,0.066,-0.802,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,9,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,27,5,0,0.0,0.2808277925371052,0.2312955589449905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383221945596387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025899629184828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672023917239093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8311847261374714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746435077951199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197182327143044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Angelicsunshine,2020/02/03,"Nightmares? How do you all cope with nightmares? Mine have been so bad lately that I wake up having to throw up from panic. I'm on prazosin to help, but we haven't found the right dosage yet.",1.5603846153846168,3.7794147179487183,1.827884615384616,99.3233653846154,81.30769230769229,3.9,17.442307692307693,3.1291,-1.0140307692307693,150,3,33,0,4,45,34,39,0.131,0.823,0.046,-0.5276,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,5,1,1,1,1,6,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,7,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34889973499794746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581672916451165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800860324308305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471369805042351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902744229329162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35685433909962294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,napgremlin,2020/02/03,"Feeling numb, intrusive and afraid. Really new to this feeling & need to share with somebody Yesterday I unknowingly walked into a private family moment of my aunt being found dead. 

I was driving past my grandma’s (mid 80’s) house, and she lives next door to my aunt and uncle (50s) (uncle is my fathers brother). I instantly see two unmanned ambulances outside and think they worst about my elderly grandma. I can see my cousin (late teens/F) crying outside and walking on the drive. I ring my dad to ask him what I should do, he said to stop and go into my grandmas and call out. I did - with no response. Of course at this point I’m petrified and my dad on the phone is close to tears. He says to knock on my uncles door. 

I did so, and my aunts mother opens the door to welcome me in and I ask what has happened and is my grandma okay. She tells me that my aunt has died in her sleep unexpectedly and unexplainably and that’s why the ambulance is here. I’m in shock, I tell my dad and hang up. 

My attention turns first to my cousin, I rush to her and let her cry in my arms. She looked shell shocked it was awful, she had only just found out. I told her I would go if she liked and I would bugger off and I think she laughed. I helped as much as I could, my uncle also cried into my arms and I helped him tidy the mess from the ambulance crew. I stayed for an hour in total with them, thankfully my cousins girlfriend was there to help her too. 

I can’t help but feel that I shouldn’t have been there, but my fight or flight said fight and I couldn’t have just walked back out. I can’t help but feel that was a private moment and I had no right to be there. I feel guilty for being in the way when it should have just been immediate family. 

I loved my aunt and of course I’m upset, we weren’t really close but we loved eachother and we had a good relationship. She was an angel, a truly kind hearted special person. 

But the problem isn’t that I’m upset as such, I just feel so guilty. I feel overwhelmed now the moment has gone, it’s all I can think about. The crew, the tears, the raw emotion and knowing she was upstairs unfortunately no longer with us. I can’t relax for too long because I fixate on it and start to have a panic attack. 

What if I just don’t wake up tomorrow? Or my parents? My boyfriend? My best-friends? I’m afraid & falling asleep felt hard. 

I’m terribly sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, I know what I am going through isn’t anywhere near what others are. I can’t believe I am even thinking about myself when my cousin has lost her mother, my uncle a wife. Thank-you for reading this.",1.5662337798975976,3.656313392193312,2.822771270253209,92.90465490636178,80.50557620817844,5.696065090832572,21.11748614715578,6.8096976237459765,0.3189663603843722,2047,59,447,22,53,659,244,538,0.162,0.745,0.094,-0.9867,2,0,0,0,2,0,68.0,4,0,2,2,23,30,3,6,21,2,51,9,6,0,2,86,93,42,2,12,15,18,9,1,1,5,1,4,3,1,20,40,0,2,17,2,0,12,13,18,0,2,22,16,88,12,54,60,4,61,1,2,3,2,66,28,0,6,19,297,108,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920723099250467,0.0,0.1875354251425399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180929828330465,0.09845348493747516,0.0,0.06654509537062941,0.0,0.052754913985947435,0.0,0.0,0.09750266995144856,0.09081999748924854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836857897003225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909637047356101,0.0,0.2851854240425484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981644592642925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973475740885947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715986496548596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316730666317086,0.0,0.3063059881284669,0.0,0.08309344118637955,0.0,0.0,0.07361218197204322,0.0,0.1897766435262363,0.0668617720962146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475506390790185,0.07258693018208584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652838996527117,0.0,0.07752421319556095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255213079530796,0.2900348197186183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522597547061009,0.09985730736789096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011968706065096,0.09512192424992262,0.0,0.09762261633665796,0.0,0.0,0.08849457871127159,0.0,0.04227982061516855,0.0,0.07641775729724418,0.07658653154153508,0.07267308991277463,0.0,0.0944703039962367,0.0,0.1562142208847238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361798280616877,0.06416944859708101,0.0,0.08358234981566222,0.09203789990224273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581873395863533,0.0,0.10153784009426786,0.0960941285624914,0.0,0.08261368362043645,0.0,0.0755647267176415,0.09041748036245237,0.0,0.08180971939340026,0.0,0.08288286431156529,0.0,0.0,0.0828085573803067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656495026527715,0.0,0.11088144143156063,0.0,0.0,0.09291321692059014,0.0,0.07390599453196654,0.16464162739025376,0.06882129889276589,0.0,0.0,0.13792479111179473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660403015658785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687615858077524,0.06125454099639111,0.09224175722014348,0.0,0.0723525949039313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512822249543942,0.15935162885895054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180927442220516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826941414288317,0.0,0.0,0.09413233459079773,0.08453850071104453,0.0,0.1040988060925932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869263905011026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809027096135845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295324110417576,0.0946195785197996,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nemenoo,2020/02/04,"I feel like I’m failing I’ve been in trauma therapy for almost a year now and I don’t feel better at all maybe even worse. She has done everything right and been really supportive but I still just feel awful and like I will never be able to overcome this and be happy again. 

Just needed to vent. Feeling pretty defeated right now",1.535,4.132263030303033,3.182045454545456,86.94306818181818,85.36363636363637,6.330303030303031,18.85606060606061,7.645422480735847,0.8686424242424251,264,7,50,5,8,87,49,66,0.17800000000000002,0.575,0.247,0.6753,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,2,15,15,5,0,1,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,4,5,5,5,9,1,10,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,8,34,6,1,0.20865909600788154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894194390792226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454201391739214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135307001068361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781736500240288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752934107570432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220172337837024,0.14906609988008931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221214877005143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038805890628039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962610762862027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471807578003885,0.16093075826651734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228131493911487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367235992416265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563874557935996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663542360783656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367838694275854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23861986110554634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126414450773162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343696166718876
ptsd,dabliublia,2020/02/04,"Going insane after NPD and BPD diagnosis I'm in therapy for 10 years. Just recently I was diagnosed with NPD and BPD. And now my whole life, depressions, suicide attempts, alcohol and drug abuse, self hate and harm makes sense. I think my mother is like a psychopath, she beat me, made fun of me, made medical experiments with me because she thought she knows better than doctors. All the puzzle pieces came together, I understand know, I'm starting to feel my inner child and emotions again. But this is so overwhelming, there's too much info, memories, emotions, aha moments. I'm swinging between crying, laughing, having panic attacks and fear of dying. My body is aching, my temperature is high, I sometimes forget to breathe. It'a like a nuclear bomb on my brain. How do I deal with this? Does it have medical term I can read about? Does reddit have groups for this? I can't find it, as I don't know how to call it. I want to vomit, scream and shut my brain down.",3.9256318681318696,6.1513403956043975,4.666030219780222,81.8695947802198,73.61538461538461,7.846703296703295,28.407967032967033,8.660442795831766,2.3514054945054936,760,31,138,15,16,244,124,182,0.222,0.7020000000000001,0.076,-0.985,0,0,2,0,1,1,33.0,0,0,0,3,9,13,2,3,3,0,12,12,4,5,1,32,30,13,2,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,8,1,0,2,6,12,1,0,9,1,0,2,2,8,0,0,5,2,22,5,19,25,5,16,0,2,0,0,9,6,0,1,10,83,28,2,0.0,0.1451540479075387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092568959961332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393725527274576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468082044844178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834993845458553,0.0,0.13608073980996044,0.3085935405498709,0.2735228458802376,0.1250961755165187,0.1401185431901922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457123288462758,0.0,0.12630219644541651,0.10551748785970873,0.12434484065507252,0.12714580244288834,0.0,0.0,0.1253939437185104,0.21441825563893568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207244225332827,0.0,0.0,0.27561401023374865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983806565158785,0.0,0.13785755422576884,0.06194462217111577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197171295374624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696251271622346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209530374349224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943830129301095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019845017900423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653227562422265,0.11970417363564673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318434185085864,0.08177622469633432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683141497439745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005877921637978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373882226066198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225429257568593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096362102241655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780441149463326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116529793762976,0.0,0.0867130477934575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400580738170706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010060211221656,0.0,0.0,0.07849931572884526,0.0,0.09725907518629888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753699409940886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225943815893389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677778633587145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889227708917489
ptsd,playnworout,2020/02/04,"Terrified to tell my friends and family I'm (26M) a rape survivor and recently diagnosed with PTSD. Of course my family and friends know about my rape, and saw me at my worst, having flashbacks, nightmers and crying my eyes out. But I can't think of telling them that it's worst then I thought. How do I tell them? What did you do?",2.3606467661691544,4.279162104477614,3.206791044776121,91.96053482587065,77.2089552238806,7.451741293532338,26.092039800995025,8.344100000000001,1.5899771144278605,259,10,57,5,6,82,48,67,0.299,0.597,0.10400000000000001,-0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,5,4,1,1,0,12,10,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,12,2,7,7,2,4,0,0,2,2,8,2,0,0,2,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537511770499164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446801370512885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355471138910697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569520446429216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695582351047685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700357093690596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280922939969925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6057328929065882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802044491102326,0.0,0.18339435760738185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DancingDiddy,2020/02/04,"Trigger warning, 18+ Sexual Content I was raped. I've only had abusive sexual intercourse or unwanted sex etc. Until my recent relationship. 

It's ruining my sex life. 

I'm going through so much right now, losing 180lbs, new relationship, being disabled. And on top of it my PTSD is so bad. My anxiety is a mess. I've always got chest pains. 

My sex is fucked.

I want to have sex. I enjoy sex with my SO. For the first time I actually want to engage in sexual activity. And it was amazing when we met. 

Then I started contraceptives. The stress of having no money got more abd being a disabled single mum and the relationship went to shit because of my baggage and me being a shit girlfriend.

And then came the PTSD. During sex.

I was raped right next to where im sat as I type this. So as you can imagine feeling sexy here is hard, we used to have sex in hotels, that was easier. Most the time it didn't even matter where we were because we were together. I was safe. He loved me.

But when I do feel sexy I don't know how to be close to my SO because I know the second I'm enjoying him, the scary shit will come back. And he will end up hating me and I'll let him down again 

When I met my SO I trusted him so much and felt so safe, there were no signs of PTSD or me having any issues with sex and we were happy. He now thinks I don't want sex. Thinks I hate him

I love him, and I've never wanted anyone the way I want him. I crave him. His touch, smell, everything. 

Now he's miserable because I can't be the girlfriend he deserves in the bedroom 

I wish I'd never been raped and I know he's better off without me. 

I don't know how to stop the PTSD. too often those awful thoughts come back and I'm scared and feel ugly and disgusting.

Has anyone suffered anything similar and can offer me any advice?",0.5728661387867078,2.8417121099195697,2.8198329072884865,90.29588066587696,86.07774798927612,5.614539559822931,19.6663757092088,7.025160622230231,0.4348265976681836,1399,41,297,20,43,475,182,373,0.22,0.645,0.135,-0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,5,1,0,4,26,30,10,3,14,1,36,21,4,4,2,62,73,36,0,7,4,1,6,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,7,26,0,3,12,1,1,5,10,19,0,2,21,7,51,11,27,44,6,42,0,4,0,15,31,13,4,4,23,193,58,1,0.0,0.1050011871151055,0.08648114221268527,0.0,0.0,0.08659924525247849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373962628051732,0.0,0.0,0.12053040087916335,0.0,0.06779468912385835,0.0,0.0,0.12393148378596612,0.0,0.07292738859882246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628788951113074,0.07399468779703537,0.2160897312849702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783779186704254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135861578714714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267798869855928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784917475493894,0.0,0.0988356465554234,0.058533219597169714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964668386966589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442805675333916,0.0,0.08508989030998686,0.0,0.0,0.07538082910094558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192852537800747,0.0,0.0,0.05036525753475127,0.0,0.14175634001868245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433851689587557,0.07938685295728974,0.1749894363805069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572569920730747,0.09249711765732252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481475276360385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062079856195547,0.06259551004807354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914403567173508,0.0,0.0,0.1599675104335435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029300752095593,0.0,0.13669968821982426,0.08559054572927506,0.09424925355392667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740013138125403,0.09429880681823986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143720114874164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750237412039694,0.28543680427391976,0.0,0.15136340192891998,0.0,0.0,0.08872490659198914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27290401231433875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272627658638684,0.0,0.0,0.07409097849503407,0.10151485646459596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135692935618662,0.0,0.07035503659383857,0.10335103231549664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653993968521207,0.0,0.0,0.2613542955340675,0.07034308651108681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215239331337439,0.0,0.0,0.10190957602781972,0.0854273135700863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Slowmover35,2020/02/04,"Nightmares make me scared to fall asleep (TW) (TW - Trauma from sexual assault)

I’ve been dealing with PTSD for a little over a year now.

I’m a male dealing with severe trauma from a rape by a female. That might seem like an unnecessary detail, but I like to include it because it’s a case not seen often. The nightmares and flashbacks have ravaged my sleep, as that’s the only time they generally happen. It’s much stronger when I’m alone with my own thoughts, and usually when I’m in-between sleep and consciousness.

I’m terrified to go to bed. I avoid it with everything I possibly can. Lack of sleep does a number on my mental health. I can’t live like this anymore.",2.9813636363636387,5.117935924242428,4.075757575757578,85.43363636363638,76.12121212121212,6.824242424242425,26.15151515151515,7.793537801064563,1.5752606060606071,530,20,102,8,12,172,88,132,0.18,0.723,0.098,-0.8765,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,4,9,2,2,10,0,5,6,4,1,0,18,15,7,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,7,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,1,9,3,16,11,3,11,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,3,9,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738740794103247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649283496913864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233869565968616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461558661397129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691378908231906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508806122784586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541063764614206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845660846054765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844964603481328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460545208528493,0.16826085979635286,0.1482419933263774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206186703819064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691845558089465,0.1780952045027554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341184714314775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768106085990166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926059602700052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962438979461686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680781619590677,0.0,0.0,0.15283255166737406,0.0,0.18965773766950286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040067066050864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327875665887726,0.09789275759986707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18489719672056915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810985586992382
ptsd,Pickleface32,2020/02/04,"Do I really have PTSD? So at age 32, I have had trouble dealing with my thoughts andI have sensory issues due to autism, but I never have outbursts in public, and I have no problem holding down a job and budgeting my money. But I do think a lot about the people who wronged me in the past. I have thoughts about punching my dad in the face for bringing toxic people into his home during my late childhood and negative thoughts about killing people that are happier than me because of my occasional bitterness. I never talk to anyone about these thoughts because they're too scary and negative. I also use weed and porn to block out negative thoughts to make myself feel good, but I get rid of my ability to think of things I would like to do. Am I really damaged with PTSD? I have never had an official diagnosis and I don't have insurance and been struggling to find a sliding scale therapist to get help for my problems.",7.988418079096043,7.144307954802265,8.013333333333335,72.6394350282486,62.672316384180796,11.256497175141243,38.87570621468928,10.504223727775694,4.105865536723163,736,34,132,15,9,239,104,177,0.265,0.6509999999999999,0.085,-0.9916,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,1,7,0,18,2,1,2,3,34,31,12,1,3,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,11,0,2,9,0,2,2,8,8,0,0,8,2,24,2,27,22,1,17,0,1,0,1,7,7,0,1,9,101,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043505491325664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123966886156334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908754518645973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452655088351104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597823791658126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926291675137912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634832972946725,0.0,0.0,0.10944645401530732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746280488661806,0.0,0.13088927884541116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619471223758306,0.12948838969996784,0.0,0.1443647292142287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719522044728794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374944402698415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093553250151532,0.0,0.0,0.08710120458932116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019192679447629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456477636838705,0.27139013814896795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497172134063995,0.3050650565832493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718685513146694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641353028821485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048806509397826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150567099946555,0.08668988295229728,0.16722182968973273,0.0,0.5179612190112343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126990259169895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269434741753448,0.14266724496320926,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jesseBellemagic,2020/02/04,"Someone knocking on door ! (warning - talk about abuse in the sex industry) Hi,

I'm not sure if this is normal but I'm really embarrassed.

Just now.. a man came knocking on my door really suddenly. It shocked my body and I thought, just go away sorry I can't answer. . I was a sex worker for years and been through some abusive shit and harassment/unwanted things. Including I was robbed and assaulted at work recently which made me quit. 

And then he kept knocking every 15 minutes really loud. It started making me tense up and cry. I know its irrational.

 It was only after he put a letter through the door did I realise it was the final notice for the gas safety check. Warning they will break in and fine me to check it. I'm terrified they will break in whilst I'm still here. The van is sat outside for an hour. They could start breaking in any minute. I don't know what to do.

I just want them to go away and I'll call them when I'm settled down. 

Right now there's not a chance I'll let a man inside my house. Even though he's just doing his job; am in tears and my 3 year old daughter is sat playing quietly I don't want anyone to see me upset by the gas man. Fucks sake..

Thank you for any advice..",1.0848238482384789,3.3717312764227683,2.641382113821141,92.35307588075882,83.79674796747966,5.920867208672089,21.30623306233063,7.242747475848597,0.6727680216802172,938,30,200,14,27,306,147,246,0.22,0.727,0.053,-0.9935,1,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,0,1,5,3,13,10,3,2,12,0,19,5,2,2,1,31,42,14,0,5,8,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,3,10,10,0,1,4,1,2,4,5,6,0,0,12,3,24,4,25,26,1,36,0,0,1,3,18,13,2,2,16,117,34,3,0.0,0.3194743714897751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317425079118195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833616129695252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426782205546352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533317414183782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975231297146913,0.0,0.0,0.13766416653558158,0.1541957808447197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764113628105652,0.0,0.14809115097432882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904596250697346,0.0,0.1135899095002985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768643793807312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246369915967246,0.0,0.0,0.15324025792390825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276849098503926,0.1555617749149269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337859796160151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818480249147256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378604540572729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756797257774707,0.08999200630047048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209293384854073,0.0,0.15349109177262404,0.14146872480122452,0.0,0.0,0.10253510080676367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355292432795151,0.0,0.1433954495155772,0.0,0.0,0.259103429016034,0.0,0.13311642822348332,0.0,0.0,0.11513376426112637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743242470515696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838865414538193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423078335089208,0.0,0.0,0.15091762008206466,0.1908496307414304,0.0,0.10766576245786114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706429102045755,0.0,0.0,0.10836153466157156,0.0,0.12412222437340585,0.0,0.0,0.08956703331042859,0.0,0.13245791868650855,0.1070303665820327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903820060694795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814904905843944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363663639966828
ptsd,Quantulus,2020/02/04,How to stop or prevent sudden flashbacks? I was sexually harrassed/assaulted months ago and I hate it when it flashes back in my mind.,2.0422000000000007,4.86618752,3.3675,82.05125000000002,93.8,5.7,30.25,7.1686216300943375,2.4764,108,6,18,2,4,35,23,25,0.22699999999999998,0.731,0.042,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085629714414857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35440619243920746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550465935539588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653809502815602,0.0,0.3678886215631443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38533580168729065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ravenclawed12,2020/02/04,"What to do when the traumatic event will likely repeat? I have PTSD because of something that happened last year completely out of my control. According to sources, it will continue to happen (maybe worse) and as I have no realistic way out, I’m stuck here waiting for it to strike. What can I do to control the panic attacks and the impending doom feelings? I have panic attacks maybe every few days now, with heightened anxiety in between. I mostly don’t sleep at night (some nights I’ll sleep a broken 3 hrs), and next to anything triggers my PTSD, even mentions of the event such as the name or something related make my heart beat fast, my skin crawl, and I become antsy and irritable.

I see advice for triggers and anxiety all over the internet but they usually mention repeating to yourself that all is okay now but it isn’t for me and won’t be for at least a few years. I’ve tried meditating for a few days now and that isn’t helping anymore. I know this thing is gonna happen again maybe every year and it’s really freaking me out because I have no control over when it happens or how bad it’ll be. Nothing I say to myself helps and only a couple of activities take my mind off of it but I can’t do those 24/7 forever. Any advice for PTSD when you’re not in the clear?",4.843501621120887,5.692050937007878,5.707137563686893,80.75710745715611,69.15748031496064,8.653635942566003,31.476609541454376,8.841846274778883,2.539582028716998,1014,42,196,17,17,333,141,254,0.152,0.8140000000000001,0.034,-0.9719,0,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,4,11,9,2,2,11,1,20,4,4,7,3,37,33,21,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,15,14,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,1,4,20,2,33,25,8,34,1,1,1,0,7,10,0,4,24,135,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232427979375868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692010558162073,0.0,0.15056210618896426,0.0,0.09759325904813336,0.0,0.0,0.0809805411618566,0.0,0.0,0.22390424116886634,0.0,0.0,0.08216569900602892,0.11997593575741733,0.10868275305708894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317782261138794,0.0,0.331115311467278,0.0,0.1088854266837244,0.0,0.1269286930963674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499686729494562,0.0,0.16582421181100945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497575144829193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34808378990202465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661271838450482,0.13192021849279914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408189024803732,0.08021480452011655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807666868068244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568740823773478,0.0,0.2965890466456646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936297435024403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046569156463839,0.18469652658585548,0.0,0.0944241297197302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484292552499701,0.0,0.23091872319878665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34509740144239714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630420167940486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825716232709548,0.0,0.0,0.07841760429270989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695605154750045,0.0,0.0,0.1515169671417243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398978510241015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537720986085131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681186450347774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838136079651098,0.0,0.0,0.07811086235377808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002850967790221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901125625891146
ptsd,brattysubmissive19,2020/02/04,"I fought my ex in court...Round 1 to me !! Omg...I am a self represented party  in a Family Court Property dispute (in Australia) and I won the first round. 

WOOOOHOOOO....

As a survivor of DV and suffering from PTSD, Anxiety and depression in addition to my ex retaining a very aggressive law firm, I am ECSTATIC....I DID IT...

Their standover bullying tactics did not sit well with the judge. 

I wasn't required to talk much at all. The judge drilled questions at my exs' counsel though.

Goodluck to him, fighting for a house with negative equity, and he's paid $0 of his 50% liable mortgage  repayments since he left.

And I highly doubt they are going to order me to pay costs.

I got everything I asked for in my interim orders, and his were dismissed.

Family Dispute Resolution, with court in April if we are unable to reach a resolution...


OMFGGGGG....

I AM SO PROUD OF MEEE.",3.0519512195121936,5.4773855975609775,4.668475609756096,79.84832317073172,77.17073170731706,8.734146341463415,29.76219512195122,9.354420925462401,3.1388609756097563,674,32,124,19,16,226,108,164,0.198,0.7170000000000001,0.085,-0.9511,1,0,0,0,2,0,44.0,1,0,2,4,3,9,3,1,9,0,9,0,0,0,1,19,15,10,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,11,0,2,1,0,3,1,3,6,1,1,8,1,20,3,25,7,2,16,0,2,1,0,17,10,0,3,2,79,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714326411648519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949928262538212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301334762528305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140281712706748,0.0,0.422515072452756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906157369106314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735878331643236,0.0,0.1792298488666811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23676947158475514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585764165647328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434806962963688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473616660312054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26195594843830033,0.0,0.2510385352030955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337807486153932,0.0,0.0,0.18537432640449936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011968133924672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017294401732648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849024692024988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148899887500413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LostKismet,2020/02/04,PTSD from infidelity? I’ve been with my partner for 4 years and about a year ago he cheated on my with his little sisters best friend. I was absolutely devastated... but i decided to forgive him. (I took his virginity so in a way I always knew this was going to happen.) for about 5 months after I would wake myself up screaming from nightmares covered in  old sweat and then would bawl my eyes out. I still sometimes get flashbacks of those dreams and the feelings that I had when I first found out what happened. i guess I’m writing this to ask if anyone else has been through this sort of thing and for any tips to help get through those times. Thanks for reading 💜,4.199846153846156,5.804492369230772,4.366153846153846,86.91384615384617,71.46153846153847,6.7384615384615385,28.384615384615394,7.1686216300943375,1.3970615384615388,528,20,105,5,10,164,93,130,0.043,0.8190000000000001,0.138,0.9096,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,0,3,0,8,4,3,0,0,20,21,9,0,3,2,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,8,8,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,8,3,16,4,25,11,1,21,0,0,1,1,11,7,0,3,11,72,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645148710198761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544262484452712,0.0,0.0,0.12620797371935927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976926430653207,0.1901595041125688,0.0,0.0,0.17350216023660536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476588705648606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503713373412562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384018488347444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786327148539872,0.0,0.20349051608025867,0.14338683893962306,0.0,0.1939268594372477,0.0,0.10547541620951377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20444897207449947,0.0,0.3282343133373293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439746862237468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601053987934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813664809760865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947461173870852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694548244418366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564082572688045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355385118855808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821289471329965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708668916902557,0.0,0.0,0.12329814952099373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821937266615184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619798789045107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473131815537605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26367647800210203,0.0,0.0,0.2390285260752964
ptsd,crazyfox567,2020/02/04,"My mom sided with my assaulter PTSD from something my older cousin did to me when I was 15. I sat on it for three years and had only told my mom, who didn’t tell anyone either. I didn’t wanna tell my dad because he would tell all my relatives and I didn’t wanna make things bad between my mom and her relatives (he’s my cousin on my mom’s side). She said it was innocent anyway so I was overreacting and I kinda convinced myself of it.

Three years later I see him again at a big family function and he says really convicting sexual things about me to my older brother. I had to tell my dad the full story and he told everyone in the family (my relatives have young daughters) and he took my side unconditionally (so did all my relatives except my grandmother). Turns out my cousin had been grooming me for a long time. 

Now I kinda come to realize that my mom never had my back and she was just siding with her brother over me and that sucks.",2.901289473684212,4.6700010631578985,4.629671052631579,83.02082236842108,75.21052631578948,7.907894736842106,22.927631578947373,8.660442795831766,1.5245000000000002,742,21,148,15,16,251,99,190,0.033,0.94,0.027000000000000003,-0.2944,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,2,0,4,0,16,0,0,1,3,26,26,12,0,3,3,13,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,8,13,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,2,19,3,37,1,21,6,4,27,0,0,1,0,32,12,1,2,13,110,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289120370610631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115574886243492,0.09898225296723756,0.07226548649120818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211821787357628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327726478559196,0.0,0.0,0.2235121603764744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491085175492007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913141052293109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6942072921159068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091431179201889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016075414364576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385757426806584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594459646008113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276586768040425,0.0942737703404722,0.0,0.0,0.09446704937806476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126369611576196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144631374705236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751544995105896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912603005460276,0.0,0.0,0.2265545295711839,0.13171069058111534,0.0,0.12894569320251756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421277860893571,0.0,0.0,0.1526814716285666
ptsd,Craptiel,2020/02/04,"I don’t need judgement I need support. My abusive family have managed to turn my extended family against me because of my NC. 

I thought they knew me well enough to know that I’d have a damn good reason to do that.

I’m grieving and feeling guilt and shame. 

I minimised for years to keep the peace, and now it’s making me do that in my head all over again. 

I’ve now got the people in my four walls and my DH’s family. 

I’m just so fucking sad.",1.6122368421052649,3.0607786842105287,3.3254605263157906,92.37134868421057,77.94736842105263,6.434210526315789,24.50657894736842,7.1686216300943375,0.8442894736842099,345,12,79,4,8,115,62,95,0.184,0.6940000000000001,0.122,-0.8111,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,9,2,2,3,0,5,2,1,2,1,15,19,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,3,1,14,3,10,16,2,8,0,2,0,1,1,4,2,0,4,49,18,1,0.0,0.2421210442513136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456971399130015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114792313107825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5779282872826654,0.0,0.10332537619190076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891805572395964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713988792531725,0.163437166843374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209721803618496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163545161975092,0.0,0.0,0.1123052811845294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640504831817515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30304550817188713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167039013918462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101055826265371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23189368041134245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223087944487624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222738530183664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837349712364808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159454240203075
ptsd,astrolink8,2020/02/05,"Officially diagnosed with PTSD - not sure what to do next After a minor hospital stint I have been receiving short term outpatient treatment, and was officially diagnosed with PTSD as of yesterday. Alongside that, I have prior diagnosis’ of ADHD, depression, and an unspecified eating disorder.
My question - what now? Unfortunately the outpatient IS short term and I will only receive about 6-8 more sessions with my psychiatrist until they deem me “stabilized”. I’m not sure what resources I have or how to resume treatment for this after outpatient has finished. I’m open to any and all suggestions!",9.697260726072606,10.792896564356436,9.784900990099015,54.891740924092424,58.603960396039604,13.862046204620464,42.57590759075907,13.023866798666859,6.590028382838285,487,26,66,18,6,161,71,101,0.129,0.871,0.0,-0.9004,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,1,3,16,11,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,8,2,14,8,4,15,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,2,10,50,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615516295750131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799736884030462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874463075172232,0.4417842333509698,0.0,0.0,0.2494253726782903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269208745617602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23145432918833425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551910607045658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5088008251352611,0.0,0.2437978878005261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102315733383496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dogfartsnkisses,2020/02/05,"There is hope for PTSD I have PTSD. I have experienced several tramas over my life. I witnessed horrific accidents as a young child, was sexually abused, and other events that I do not feel comfortable talking about, even in an anonymous setting. I used drugs and engaged in criminal behaviors in my teens and into my mid twenties. I was arrested 10 years ago and spent time in supervision. I violated my probation and got resentenced. I was ordered my the court to receive mental health treatment. I bounced around from therapist to therapist until I found one who cared about me. I opened up and can say that I have begun healing. I spent 20+ years in turmoil never realizing that PTSD was affecting me in so many ways. It always will affect me but now I have the power to understand it and work through it. You will not heal overnight, but if you truly open up to a therapist that you connect with there is hope.",4.784160401002509,6.877963894736848,5.52795739348371,77.18486842105266,70.87134502923976,9.330158730158725,32.09732664995823,9.784248007369934,3.4292168755221386,730,34,129,19,14,237,109,171,0.105,0.8170000000000001,0.078,-0.1408,1,0,1,1,1,0,17.0,0,3,0,2,8,7,1,1,5,0,14,5,0,3,1,27,24,13,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,9,12,0,0,4,0,2,1,3,2,0,1,8,3,25,5,23,14,0,28,0,0,0,0,8,14,0,3,10,95,34,2,0.0,0.16885123264744606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632665563642126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857986689977285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686425366470536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529860289636246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526653817459042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412661467313944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205741734557575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625503148005834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397839112764473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148163284771413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28308948281698554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065913843646727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448293137499846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361671953977798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991261857418706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965685705955096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4997602420262524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332979680927872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099591354064616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454426603206205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963958288443329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309881860062864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835809935905206,0.0,0.12308301951330985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311792934876486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374909160575696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835437374968198
ptsd,norashepard,2020/02/05,"DAE have these cycles of awareness and avoidance/denial/etc. When we first started talking about sexual abuse, I had an insanely terrible time of it. It felt too real and like a shock to my system and I just panicked 24/7, had crazy bodily reactions and felt like driving off a cliff at the speed of light. Now it's been awhile since we've really talked about it because we've been talking about other things. And now it feels like it's receded, feels distant again, like a dream, as if it never happened--as if years of my life didn't happen at all--and maybe it wasn't as bad as it felt and I'm just a melodramatic baby. It feels like any progress in this area has been erased and I'm just ""over it"" because ""it"" is ""nothing."" But it's not, but it is... is this making sense? I feel like I was open-eyed for a period and now I've lost it, or lost the ability to access it, like it hid itself in a corner of my brain and I know it's there but it won't come back out into the light. I don't know which state of awareness I hate more.",2.75871543778802,3.748707622119817,4.055135368663596,90.14556019585257,74.16129032258064,7.268317972350231,22.77908986175116,7.645422480735847,0.7522352534562207,802,20,181,10,16,264,118,217,0.107,0.782,0.111,-0.2903,0,1,0,0,1,0,34.0,1,0,0,4,14,13,1,0,10,0,15,2,1,1,1,35,33,19,0,2,10,0,7,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,26,13,0,0,9,1,0,2,6,6,0,1,13,9,11,7,23,19,1,27,0,2,0,0,4,10,0,3,20,115,37,0,0.0,0.1550757638240055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890053936240731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006414743803396,0.10928240950709513,0.15957095845404995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461094776881886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274470492693996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145969905709921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26471489390620856,0.2805099909853066,0.37700658714620655,0.0,0.0,0.1113295951378274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574000991600998,0.0,0.0,0.12922054146917086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386050014788107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244701702293187,0.4476020992506417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857500053576142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736587570403488,0.0,0.13149025300071676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094556617704648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558642518973126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897428699809254,0.08384743973193577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826833629815237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264014551384434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31559804334393976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869533041996103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763193289460412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428480160065509
ptsd,Rogue_Mother,2020/02/05,Nurse with PTSD Had a traumatic birth last year. Ended up nearly bleeding to death and needing a hysterectomy. I have to go back to work soon and I'm still dealing with flashbacks and triggers. Went to visit some friends on my unit today and the sounds of the alarm sent me into a meltdown. I dont know how I'll be able to go back. What to do...,1.5526961770623728,3.6421369859154917,2.824869215291752,92.87521126760565,80.54929577464789,5.183903420523139,22.818913480885314,6.1826913282559595,0.3387730382293763,270,9,58,2,7,87,53,71,0.139,0.818,0.043,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,5,0,5,1,0,2,0,12,12,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,3,1,4,1,13,8,1,18,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,9,38,5,1,0.2608393852371676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011387731860155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689139527605489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30570181686758674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23102627408884335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152386199416464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29648206735254795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335050458710522,0.2126189127372821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934090990695104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049072828974806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083066699903718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472452380560552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418007233528302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989417903474268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797201213756408
ptsd,Niquitaaa,2020/02/05,"Help I feel so. Incredibly. Alone. 

I was diagnosed with PTSD in September of last year and have been struggling with it recently. I finally found a job I thought I was going to love (the pay is the best I’ve had). I’ve been working this job for a month and it’s VERY physically demanding. My work days last ten hours but I’m gone from home for twelve. I can’t have my phone on me, can’t listen to music, can’t be in the bathroom long (also have IBS) because I’m timed and can get in trouble for being off task. I constantly have to move and pick things up...I’m exhausted. What’s even more exhausting is being surrounded by rude, loud, inconsiderate, and triggering coworkers. Do they know what they’re doing to me? No. My manager can only be so accommodating when I ask to move stations. He says he understands, but I know he doesn’t. I am off Thursday-Saturday and Saturday night, I had the most vivid flashbacks ever. I became paralyzed and had insomnia. I decided I needed to not be at work for a few hours, so I went in late. I became dizzy at my station yesterday and had to go home early...same as today. I feel so weak. Powerless. I know how I must look to other people. It kills me that my peers laugh, joke, and talk throughout our shifts and don’t get in trouble for it or not making their rate, but I have had a conversation about how many bathroom trips I make. I broke down in tears last week because I was triggered by one of these rude/loud beings. I kept crying after I thought I was okay because at that point, I was just embarrassed. I feel so bad for my boyfriend because he has to provide so much emotional support TO me...on a daily basis. I don’t have friends. My family doesn’t understand. I just wish I knew someone else with PTSD that I could talk to.",2.142541308658295,4.265223994382024,3.807012557832123,86.41746530072705,78.71910112359551,7.4466622604097825,24.79643093192333,8.405096225971981,1.6829857237276933,1386,51,286,29,34,462,191,356,0.182,0.733,0.084,-0.9891,3,1,0,0,0,0,55.0,1,0,2,4,15,18,2,2,9,1,41,6,0,7,2,48,71,25,1,4,8,0,3,0,1,1,5,3,2,0,13,13,0,1,13,1,1,7,10,11,0,2,19,8,45,7,41,44,5,44,0,1,2,1,17,15,0,2,22,187,58,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642900897383954,0.0,0.08217762886175828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606730590151094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580082347968132,0.2505676750824313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784092846751214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110477213736356,0.0,0.08204599153932067,0.0,0.11287771329506432,0.06627209725355691,0.0,0.0,0.10429986388857017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085843310147947,0.1155918637304164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787241884349701,0.09295286188126248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687356492265202,0.0,0.1558765677861533,0.0,0.0,0.1125692338094726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112671713307084,0.07939259833928716,0.0,0.10737636293791138,0.0,0.1168024543356752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887827595473342,0.0,0.20615455631722268,0.0,0.20239701780190067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394811372103747,0.0,0.11368939825150055,0.0,0.16942364422453954,0.251290856148476,0.11591845272203627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093991299133522,0.08629303795922677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274546953181724,0.0,0.1371870205505122,0.10418313744814356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202254466809218,0.2184365480108371,0.07554087781008405,0.07619569596196835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643387853208958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963325403061188,0.07815408034442717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124127355641928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714199890938488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24024332604844614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146371286207408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817193677176069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706873792065915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074277093597834,0.0,0.0,0.11661153121664153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651901840355385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826958829198779,0.0,0.0,0.1631609039895515,0.05992054256967925,0.0,0.09740505011190298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395485418209145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478827157887868,0.0,0.0,0.0824283691075306,0.0,0.0,0.09526012213807324,0.0,0.0,0.11816963898322512,0.0,0.0,0.2244328607127015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617446867044284
ptsd,dazedandconfused820,2020/02/05,"TW!!!: I’m worried that I made my sister believe she was sexually abused. Growing up, I’ve had terrible flashbacks involving my babysitter touching me and forcing me to touch him as well. I’ve been sexually abused by my babysitter for a year when I was 6. I always ignored these flashbacks, and felt guilty for remembering them, thinking that I made them up and was dirty for seeing those “images” at such a young age. It wasn’t until middle school when I finally confronted these thoughts, and acknowledged them for what they were. I’ve been diagnosed with severe ptsd. It’s gotten to a point where I have to sleep with the lights on, avoid touch at all costs, and shower clothed. I’ve had numerous dreams where I was raped, had panic attacks because I thought my babysitter was coming back, and have been hospitalized for self-harming. The reason I’m saying all this is to confirm that this was very real to me, and I, like every other ptsd victim, suffer from numerous symptoms as a result. 

When I was first trying to figure this out, I seeked confirmation from my sister, hoping that I wasn’t the only one experiencing these flashbacks. I felt so guilty and dirty from thinking these thoughts that I seeked solidarity from my siblings where there wasn’t any. I asked her if she had remembered anything regarding the babysitter, and told her that she might’ve experienced the same thing. She said she didn’t remember anything regarding that, but she immediately jumped to the conclusion that she was abused as a child despite remembering absolutely nothing about it. I felt guilty, because I thought that I had implanted false memories into her. I fully believe that she would’ve never ever believed that she’d been sexually abused if I hadn’t told her that there was a possibility that she had been a part of it. 

I’m aware that you guys might argue that she could have repressed the memory, but there are almost no psychological studies that support this. Repression is controversial because trauma is shown to enhance memory, not actively repress it. Trauma haunts you, that’s why it’s so damaging and concerning. Trauma isn’t something you could forget. Cognitively speaking, victims can forget crucial details to the trauma but will remember the main event as well as the emotions they felt at the time. If you don’t agree with this statement, which I respect, here’s my suggestion if her memories were truly repressed: if someone had repressed these memories, they would still be affected by symptoms of ptsd, or underlying fears. My sister had none of that. She was able to walk into the room where the abuse took place completely unaffected. Doesn’t suffer from any nightmares, flashbacks, or ptsd symptoms regarding the trauma. Is perfectly comfortable with intimacy and tough.  And hasn’t been medically diagnosed with any mental disorder. 

I’m not saying this didn’t happen to her, since there’s really no way anyone could fully know what my babysitter had done. However, I still do feel guilty for sharing this with her. By telling her my trauma, I’m worried that I made her carry a weight that she shouldn’t have had to carry. Admittedly, there’s also this terrible, mean side to me that just feels angry. I know this isn’t right, and most of this is admittedly due to my own bias and emotions. I feel upset that I’ve come out so fucked up after what happened to me. I still feel as if I’m in constant danger even though this has happened years ago. I’ve experienced backlash from my parents, who thought I was possessed by a demon when I was simply just mentally ill. I broke up with my girlfriend because I felt sick everytime I touched her. 

Every aspect of my life feels chained to this trauma and to know that my sister believes she has been through the same thing, pisses me off. She has never experienced the problems I had, or even anything to do with ptsd. Most of her problems are social, and have nothing to do with fear of the past coming back to her. This anger, of course, isn’t righteous at all, and isn’t meant to demean anything she could’ve possibly been through. It’s just this anger I feel from her believing it has happened to her without even remembering or appearing even remotely affected by it. I feel guilty for telling her, I feel angry for reasons that I personally need to work on, and I feel guilty for feeling angry. 

I’ve tried to communicate with her about this but she is, reasonably enough, very defensive about it, claiming that she couldn’t remember anything or or have any symptoms because she had repressed them (which, as I’ve stated before, isn’t a solid argument). Because of this, I don’t plan to talk with her about this again. I just really need advice on how to cope with these feelings of guilt and anger, or to stop feeling this way about what I had done. 

There’s also a possibility that I am simply being selfish and in denial as well, so keep that in mind as well. I could also just be angry that she wasn’t as affected by what happened in comparison. I’m sorry if I appear rude or bigoted for saying all this. I’ve tried to ignore this cloying feeling but I just can’t. 

TLDR!!: I suffer from severe ptsd after being sexually abused by my babysitter. To confirm my flashbacks, because I was worried they were fake, I told my sister there was a possibility she had experienced the same thing and asked if she remembered anything. She didn’t remember anything, and has not experienced any flashbacks, nightmares, or anxiety regarding the trauma. However, after I told her that, she immediately believed she was abused even though she had no recollection or symptoms from it (she’s also the type to self-diagnose). How do I stop feeling guilty and angry about this? 

There’s also a possibility that I am simply being selfish and in denial as well, so keep that in mind as well. I could also just be angry that she wasn’t as affected by what happened in comparison. I’m sorry if I appear rude or bigoted for saying all this. I’ve tried to ignore this cloying feeling but I just can’t.",6.810044814340589,7.717182822638152,6.947964901709727,73.39567560442873,64.80213903743315,9.672285405839672,33.806381963797044,9.702343009502378,3.3131757274484706,4845,202,827,94,71,1557,349,1122,0.24600000000000002,0.696,0.057999999999999996,-0.9997,4,1,1,0,7,0,128.0,0,4,8,5,65,64,15,12,33,0,106,16,2,13,9,194,180,83,0,22,38,6,25,1,1,4,11,6,2,3,86,43,1,15,51,1,1,10,32,51,6,2,73,39,136,13,131,90,15,78,1,5,1,2,92,34,2,28,32,625,222,3,0.0349358780203158,0.2897531188791707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034138935668794994,0.03096854795475039,0.0,0.03498323536022181,0.0,0.0,0.16762925418516886,0.029069449167739923,0.0,0.0,0.11878797528059472,0.0,0.0267258510618384,0.0,0.0,0.024427978211428582,0.0,0.20124475616697265,0.0,0.06532065990424582,0.03974460475521483,0.0,0.05372706746913794,0.0,0.14907610884661734,0.0,0.02972785904628785,0.23616462630608814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028249644136392,0.036629603421406635,0.037753272941916736,0.0,0.16736073504572918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637754238849643,0.0,0.0,0.04003954291381021,0.0,0.0,0.07150306538511299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859632106445598,0.0,0.03609810094384367,0.0,0.1153740897215289,0.031601501786138804,0.0588699680083596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862515105019455,0.2649694444913205,0.0,0.1677196078838993,0.03827054671902922,0.0,0.029716439997079062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03229765628054347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034592011851030634,0.18536208933513776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034699209679606706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210522718217864,0.0,0.0,0.05759953472347262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024676243822407143,0.017067905321364967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917151749104347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03805541296771442,0.0,0.0351942216646906,0.07041429607654813,0.07412289141706198,0.07055055540238017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180902176232228,0.053889405715661816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704383437266735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023673455094195654,0.02657030950540656,0.0,0.04098972550141579,0.038792158159139764,0.037832151419542,0.03335024864738745,0.0,0.030504661147706277,0.0365005568086316,0.0,0.0330256970029111,0.1969247662788802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685783414411292,0.24502903117472424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039764677624182426,0.044761636088195285,0.1077597035014572,0.0,0.0,0.3561798550915143,0.02983504894295525,0.03323202023288785,0.1111296497008948,0.0,0.03535697369407118,0.02783937161881651,0.0,0.07289148001414658,0.0789351961212672,0.0,0.028899319315807307,0.0,0.03496110829360919,0.03561272806285081,0.029601056075404305,0.026895345712611967,0.0,0.07821571040256499,0.0,0.0,0.08369951194661272,0.058415916700097374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039644820368569235,0.0,0.18155876985945332,0.0,0.028080135405190648,0.061070994501823364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962953499282548,0.0447709999729828,0.06864864555163823,0.1386759238634376,0.020371391420535,0.0,0.0,0.13353091437029382,0.03881504593823,0.09487667169813033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765151629578131,0.0,0.05546094768251447,0.0,0.04254248764840849,0.18846929982327107,0.0,0.031524195985117916,0.0,0.0,0.033676939721870004,0.0,0.025433735283088958,0.10643723987251684,0.0,0.04963489077264775,0.0,0.0,0.044995120054659325
ptsd,searching-for-peace,2020/02/05,"Ptsd and medication for nightmares Hi all,

I have terrible nightmares and I’m not alone in this I know. I cannot seem to break this cycle. I am a researcher by trade and I have tried numerous techniques but I’m open to anything. I’m also ridiculously sensitive to medications. I’ve had genetic testing and I’ve learned it’s due to certain liver enzymes that I metabolize some meds differently. Anyway... sorry for the diatribe. I suffer from chronic vestibular migraines so the lack of sleep is a trigger for them. It’s like an endless cycle of pain and anxiety. Is there anything that anyone has found more helpful that prazosin? Blessings to you all.",2.603699562469614,5.602649438016536,3.959436071949444,79.35273699562472,87.67768595041322,6.483422459893049,31.08458920758386,7.724431198458867,2.88556645600389,526,29,85,11,17,172,82,121,0.16399999999999998,0.711,0.125,-0.6197,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,4,7,1,0,5,0,8,7,2,1,3,18,14,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,9,3,13,12,5,4,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,58,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23092637412803346,0.0,0.17830647913060668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056900101725853,0.0,0.0,0.15590357930057688,0.0,0.36696537681211855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329528626428604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444716010387139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944995425379165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253672887858268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893032193385707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476658640427253,0.4492312119106226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23725240846994566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606362716694249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029806117448597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223127836127622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495930916540661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513798295323519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,GoldCosmos,2020/02/05,"How can I better understand and help my girlfriend who has trauma/PTSD I (23M) have recently got into a relationship with someone (21F) and was looking for some advice from this community for how to better understand and help her with what she’s going through.

For context: about 18 months ago she was physically assaulted by a friend, we’ve known each other a couple of months and she’s been slowly opening up, bit by bit, with what happened. She’s said things like ‘you have no idea what it’s like, thinking you’re going to die there and then’, things like this.

From my perspective, I’ve been struggling with depression for the last 3-4 years and most of the advice I feel I can give is very centred around the struggles I’ve had. The problem of course is that she is suffering from trauma from a very specific event; I’ve talked through things like ‘you’re safe now’, ‘surrounded by love’, ‘you can come out of it stronger’ etc and all of this ‘bigger picture’ sort of stuff, which she has pretty much dealt with... but the person who assaulted her is still living in the same city as us and she will occasionally see her and be thrown right back into how she felt in the moment and have a panic attack. 

She’s gone through a free counselling service already which hasn’t helped her, just picks at wounds and puts her right back in the moment, so she’s panics. She feels like she’s not being taken seriously and that nobody understands her. I just want to help and do what I can. 

To cut to the chase, what I’m asking is:
1). How can I better understand what it’s like to experience trauma, PTSD etc, coming from someone who has virtually never encountered/experienced it? 
2). How can I help with that very specific trauma, what worked for you, what help is out there?? Etc.",6.850701754385966,6.625023719298247,6.680292397660817,79.22815789473684,64.73099415204679,9.773099415204678,30.280701754385966,9.276330184999452,2.361880701754386,1400,42,273,22,19,442,170,342,0.124,0.74,0.136,-0.1731,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,3,0,4,16,28,4,4,15,0,28,2,0,6,2,57,52,22,1,2,4,0,3,6,2,1,1,1,0,1,28,28,0,1,10,0,1,6,4,15,0,0,10,6,32,14,46,39,11,36,0,2,2,1,40,15,0,3,21,190,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389209564181131,0.07433594697457538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254049581598918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465229239132717,0.0783968482810551,0.09540172293276383,0.0,0.12896479500171848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249942200111428,0.18310462539248568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447421252477666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278839251697807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722276369654956,0.0,0.08703240616135073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28057486859479497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203019685266044,0.0,0.0,0.08480326385496817,0.059908888964668824,0.08051779435362039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478925820012976,0.0,0.0,0.08044519761801762,0.0953180086136336,0.0,0.06706970588612059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415623998067626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372535348552303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466660776987834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835628048833994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458156398142857,0.0,0.07404903659270957,0.0,0.07042044263775309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568602486984842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387091330661227,0.0,0.06164601662470205,0.0,0.06467723335986006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678094470737054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322244739619599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531475456989533,0.0,0.08024174108895175,0.1960533753498323,0.08430146068228826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280064928057332,0.09003318656601372,0.0,0.14323026184165558,0.07976911599147267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668247686486831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210692332283895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696990864142043,0.0,0.0,0.1753352767172325,0.09599849609047068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674026906127176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713658737419276,0.053733463461916285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492007209925281,0.10087205610633376,0.0,0.0,0.2075773813142094,0.0494622130656984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105035341442525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400244892632662
ptsd,x_babykitten_x,2020/02/05,"I really need some advice I've had depression and anxiety for the last 6 years. My anxiety is severe and is always there, but my depression comes and goes.

About 5 years ago, something happened that started me having ptsd.

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend did something that triggered my ptsd. It wasn't anything bad at all, it just reminded me of the person five years ago and I had a ptsd episode that lasted about an hour.

But when I woke up the next morning, I couldn't feel anything. I assumed it was just depression, but two weeks later and I still feel the exact same. I'm just sad and empty and numb. But whenever I'm with my boyfriend, it gets even worse.

I don't know what's going on and my boyfriend did absolutely nothing wrong, but I'm so afraid because I can't feel anything.",4.485841642228738,5.656792070967742,4.826744868035191,85.55466275659825,70.2258064516129,7.958944281524928,29.574780058651037,8.296473431620573,1.996806451612904,621,24,124,9,11,196,89,155,0.19,0.764,0.047,-0.9684,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,6,0,12,1,0,1,2,30,26,15,0,2,8,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,8,0,3,7,3,16,0,8,18,3,21,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,2,16,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947022247475016,0.3251260686421327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017294034290236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705582406913815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018265799546742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208128012303308,0.07452804061934219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053154286947566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315904869846274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075101286448143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854536930471704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387535771293107,0.0,0.06948269012197436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811335902061864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040063155801235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719042927618668,0.19931504336454384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065360760208917,0.0,0.0,0.13002398874653584,0.0,0.0,0.11731094791253625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106751970512207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42874319737470107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832233953735403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811803527190472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824212722941552,0.0,0.0,0.08653565278704171,0.0,0.09763631190597873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388588413420333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613782468983476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459251464182974,0.0,0.13367118356381144,0.0,0.23619264475731025
ptsd,salli99,2020/02/05,"I am so frustrated, and I just need to rant. I am so angry and frustrated with myself.   
I have one session left with my therapist before I am done there (it's goverment funded, and I therefore have a limited amount of hours with them).   
I am suppose to be at the point where I can live with PTSD without help from a therapist.   
Yet here I am sitting in class, being frustrated and angry about the fact that no matter what I can't seem to get motivated to actively participate. On top of that I have extreme trouble actually remembering what I have learned whenever a class is done.   
I want the education, but I can't find any motivation to actually do the work.   
I can't work from home either, because I'm more prone to have flashbacks there, so I distract myself with videogames and youtube, and if I don't then I'm afraid I will have a flashback (ultimately resulting in said flashback), so it's really difficult to focus.  
So instead I just get angry at myself for being broken. 

I don't really talk with anyone from my study, because I'm afraid of reaching out. I feel like I need to explain why I am so silent and rarely participate in conversation, but I'm also afraid that people will push me away if they know I have PTSD.  
I just don't know what to do, I have send an application to get help through a person that works in the university. Hopefully that will help, so I can actually do this.

I just needed to rant, cause I want to prove that I can take this education, and prove that I can do this without support from my family (which I wouldn't get either way). 

I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.   
I guess I just need someone to tell me it's going to be alright, and hopefully give som advice. 

I am trying to find a reason to actually continue this fight, that right now seems impossible.   
Sometimes it feels easier to give up.",6.4570491803278705,5.973287409836067,7.538256830601096,73.61131967213116,65.6120218579235,11.03584699453552,33.327322404371586,10.577609850970193,3.3760987978142083,1456,55,286,34,20,496,165,366,0.153,0.77,0.076,-0.9811,0,0,0,0,1,0,40.0,0,0,2,7,23,15,4,4,15,1,41,0,0,6,3,62,72,22,0,11,14,0,2,1,0,4,0,1,1,1,20,16,0,1,16,0,1,3,11,10,0,1,3,5,46,5,47,61,4,27,0,0,1,0,15,16,0,7,7,209,66,9,0.0,0.0,0.382422446366928,0.0,0.0,0.09573617547029996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834741270359237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662367307261795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850363558848868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204702579694332,0.0,0.0,0.11944448459864487,0.0,0.08336614701826214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006432549657196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051679644572615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677327030334325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235838604970036,0.0,0.0990742124210433,0.06999053717254504,0.0,0.0,0.17908752827134602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474331854620187,0.1879655153530594,0.055679205042676684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792615612237563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19700378754960687,0.0,0.09827295048681843,0.19461471551405365,0.09648174876387254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768465302672883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644583168901904,0.0,0.0,0.04786370596345948,0.0,0.0865102314164046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29057716658202704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638771849462813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792078985685739,0.08554454130121772,0.0,0.0,0.09261430859983387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290458276286483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255255257062451,0.10073055570263814,0.0,0.0,0.11098210050589764,0.08366674077008708,0.09319290299833202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807024191202562,0.17837832743647494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301055211663905,0.0,0.09689587283921844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117638569977817,0.0,0.0,0.07366203640195823,0.07874541832416776,0.08563101530895875,0.0,0.0,0.22750387863604116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665159114643457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557172640116058,0.07776485873189708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840363354238982,0.0,0.0,0.18888119077846235,0.0,0.21397227208983827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kaycebaybee,2020/02/05,"this is the 4th night in 7 days where i’m going to stay up all night again *possible trigger warning*

hi everyone,

so i’m 27/f and this past month my ptsd has been really bad. to the point where i’m staying up all night and feeling awful the next day.

i can’t fall asleep because i’m so hyper vigilant. my ptsd is related to being in an abusive relationship where i was physically hurt, stalked in person and online.

i’m so miserable and i don’t know how to get myself back to a normal sleeping schedule.

and i don’t know how much longer my body can handle staying up all night like this.

even the thought of sleep gives me massive anxiety.

how do i get over this rut where my ptsd is ramping up like this?",1.4056392694063933,3.5914412534246622,3.238876712328768,89.17758447488586,81.67123287671231,6.359086757990867,24.11689497716895,7.554174236665415,1.1902900456621004,557,21,117,9,15,186,86,146,0.136,0.807,0.057,-0.9291,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,1,6,1,12,4,4,4,3,17,25,11,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,1,11,2,14,21,4,30,0,2,0,0,4,13,0,0,14,70,16,0,0.0,0.14843606827525646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583869839925964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633242741526356,0.10460339384360104,0.07636939873697693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391576072218488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159020411958852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274612144119407,0.0,0.0,0.11971021053456073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334522735276173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090704175523032,0.1201797926378428,0.07119939318337203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411460902920566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770099527801158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224107570319518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999971351790419,0.0,0.09209506240614128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332364806512746,0.4702663945106284,0.12274759728605315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959373769844775,0.0,0.10938948259279616,0.0,0.0,0.1184298979727087,0.1412341424718549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393361199888732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025744308362677,0.0,0.0,0.13450361255131416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25074053624727377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005947695728033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994581614006231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pazuzusboss,2020/02/05,Recently diagnosed Hello all. I was recently like 2 weeks ago diagnosed with ptsd. I’m almost 40. I was diagnosed with this due to what happened when I was a child. I was emotionally and psychologically abused. I’ve rarely seen therapist before because most I meet I don’t like. This new one I actually opened up about some stuff. I already had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety years before. This doc pointed out that it’s ptsd. Which now explains why if a door slams I have to not go run and hide. 2 nights ago something triggered a memory from when I was a kid and I was very angry. I talked to a friend with ptsd and he kinda got me situated a bit. Now I’m reliving a lot of those memories and it well for lack of a better term sucks. I blocked a lot of this a lot. But now it’s just coming back. Before this I would remember and I would get upset but this time it’s different. Doc appointment has been moved up to next week. Was suppose to be in like a month but I can’t wait.,1.125116229014207,3.5056142623762376,3.2569995695221716,87.35431554024971,84.59405940594058,7.275419715884633,22.148945329315527,8.321376580360154,1.4760759362892817,779,27,165,19,23,264,118,202,0.091,0.84,0.069,-0.2255,1,0,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,1,11,0,17,4,0,1,1,36,28,13,0,4,6,0,0,3,1,2,4,0,1,2,15,14,0,2,2,0,0,4,3,3,1,1,12,1,17,6,19,13,9,30,0,1,1,0,8,6,1,8,23,107,32,0,0.0,0.12798321627723652,0.10540961518440092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150220506418825,0.0,0.10816404310513236,0.0,0.11920012946466163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263318348082335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305888208744773,0.0,0.06584653843964895,0.0,0.2757451156986633,0.0,0.0,0.0955328067439881,0.11792726449057744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304761491391808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303541764389482,0.4385424413283661,0.0,0.11285542230034405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215052834876896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345414509915014,0.0,0.056434748076541676,0.0,0.061388902592716274,0.0,0.08639155814206284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551962444512692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831585854351346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754981527921272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621863356681705,0.11480563524794665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043240902919339,0.11487796407803673,0.10136721885708072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731955346865253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211156508016207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788004513745987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330873639639752,0.0,0.12236290644360953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141633040290682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315724097646618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365433166849088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682047115112043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541678203153522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298594275324626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912584884563964,0.0,0.0,0.17329043814357992,0.0,0.09712081258431453,0.0,0.09746910079294947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534652358413875,0.0,0.0,0.06955980564688855
ptsd,MsMorag,2020/02/05,"Thought I saw my abuser on the bus As a little bit of background, I don't have a diagnosis of PTSD but I believe I have a lot of the symptoms. I was psychologically & emotionally abused by my ex for nearly 3 years and was also sexually assaulted by them. I get nightmares about things that happened and get panic attacks triggered by various things (included small things like people speaking in a certain tone or just anger in general). I'm struggling with depression at the moment also (have had diagnosed depression for many years).
Today I was making my way to work as usual but before I even took my seat on the bus I started having a panic attack. A person who I could not see entirely instantly reminded me of my ex. The hair, the clothes, the glasses. My ex, so far as I know, lives in a different city these days so it's unlikely it was them but that didn't stop me panicking. I tried to get a better look at them so I could reassure myself it was a different person but that just made it worse as I still couldn't see their whole face and the more I looked the more it looked like the person I fear, right down to the bitten fingernails. I can't shake this panic that the person was in fact my ex even though logically I know it can't have been. I'm just freaking out right now. 

I don't know what the point of my post is but I don't feel as though I can talk to anyone IRL right now as my fiance is struggling with his own depression (very severe to the point of suicidal ideation/planning and self harm) so I don't want to burden him with anything else and I just need to get this out.

TLDR : I don't have a diagnosis of PTSD but think I may have C-PTSD.  I saw someone who I thought my abusive ex on the bus today and I've been having attacks all day. I needed to vent.",2.7908699633699636,4.4239557609890126,4.378263736263737,85.28340293040294,75.18131868131869,7.49069597069597,25.045421245421252,8.238735603445708,1.4989955311355314,1403,47,290,24,30,470,173,364,0.23399999999999999,0.6990000000000001,0.067,-0.9974,2,0,0,0,2,0,32.0,0,0,4,2,18,23,5,7,25,0,32,4,2,3,3,47,60,27,1,6,12,5,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,5,19,11,0,1,8,0,0,2,10,18,0,0,16,10,47,5,43,40,8,38,0,3,7,0,21,21,0,3,15,204,66,1,0.0,0.2779968928801727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250884369719483,0.0,0.08474010905916303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546859966842726,0.0,0.06435986739246115,0.0,0.0,0.26692425853457025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655064071062751,0.08811547875784366,0.0,0.06917006832474369,0.08538466753125816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488806240360208,0.0,0.0,0.10087749154025677,0.0,0.2020855373472289,0.07938113529751367,0.0,0.1634248492719774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653341161070045,0.08797531494268318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331345530692644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800758524542503,0.03954514242499947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634452294824778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916052374478229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894591347841464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641855627453978,0.07838660272476643,0.06906054237489456,0.0,0.1970291925441008,0.0,0.0,0.06649103660986186,0.0,0.07400384959887524,0.052205540033194615,0.07929229647246783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598290975158325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752864735826918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422071481311908,0.2731585535143258,0.0,0.0,0.14786677318649602,0.0,0.07490321314556443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27426864127671635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037180811053448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246459097729643,0.0,0.08158970832265673,0.08835462836913148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626677166566294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055357183640987837,0.0,0.062458317169098464,0.0653867585626819,0.0,0.1635233875377179,0.0,0.08554864898599153,0.0,0.0,0.08128975882162484,0.0,0.06286194372581186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587702292790012,0.05011357744966082,0.1536811426031294,0.12417943141993472,0.0,0.0,0.14826718220562135,0.0,0.08689378445920105,0.05309920973598401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613686582726231,0.0645311413352945,0.04613007026908485,0.06207916952483707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731826673002617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569375472387213,0.0,0.07970230178182745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072888410250667
ptsd,OkRaspberry3,2020/02/05,"Broke up bc of PTSD? So we broke up 3 months ago but it still hurts thinking about it. I never wrapped my head around it until today. I realized that the reason I always froze up when we fought was bc it was a trigger. Then I research some more and it turns out most of the reason we broke up was because of my PTSD :( now I keep thinking I can never find someone and how much it hurts to be rejected. I broke up w him bc he said I might be toxic from all the moodiness and avoidance but I tried to compromise after bc my friends said I should but he was too hurt to go back to what we were.... so now I’m single and traumatized a little more from what happened :’( 

Anyone know how to get over this feeling of not ever being able to find someone who will accept me and my PTSD? I tried to get help but I just get so frustrated w myself",1.0767731092436996,2.9964539142857163,2.7869915966386567,93.41618487394959,81.28571428571429,5.489075630252102,20.579831932773107,6.522977012572876,0.17160504201680693,645,18,143,6,17,213,98,175,0.256,0.6809999999999999,0.063,-0.9917,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,4,0,0,0,15,14,2,1,5,0,12,1,1,5,4,40,27,17,0,1,6,0,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,11,11,0,2,10,0,0,1,3,12,0,0,8,4,23,2,24,13,7,24,0,8,0,0,13,9,0,3,14,108,34,1,0.12791666470861207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339040521428323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643691222792452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944230617485836,0.0,0.0,0.11387295149845762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836001933642788,0.0,0.07797681152681321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570794659620184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646785091424037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338270282757955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882809784286736,0.0,0.20049353323383912,0.0,0.07269798839459925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311628415055305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127940194969787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573984398661429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108123056178687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369820900873286,0.0,0.0,0.07029965361406712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282061029516153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569936675293368,0.0,0.0,0.10210186137424702,0.0,0.09403346684091037,0.0,0.19731443527104356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485832073037723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630392716217517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433560815187264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676674980468053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215441367298954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392766739347436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125004124074595,0.0,0.0,0.17369403733350186,0.13913659900802378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dddulcie,2020/02/05,"Lost an hour of time (dissociated) today, but I made it home. Is it....safe to drive? I am just worried about the fact that I was driving in this dissociated state. Are we rational and functional? Could I run a red light, cause an accident? Or do we have control while in a dissociated state?",1.41,4.020190000000003,3.9657142857142884,80.87928571428574,86.5,7.485714285714287,24.07142857142857,8.418075326091056,1.9342071428571428,224,9,46,6,7,78,45,56,0.172,0.828,0.0,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,3,1,11,9,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,6,0,5,5,0,11,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371556192171472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681083697751049,0.2620439571688051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32921508237154035,0.0,0.3232145438729759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582731209244373,0.0,0.0,0.3105542871174377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137822331192708,0.0,0.31109874231108786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333068000531751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CoffeeCrazedMom,2020/02/06,"Cried after bad dream Every time i try to talk about my relationship on reddit i get some heat for it.

I am in a relationship where my partner lived with his drug dealer for the first 3 months of my pregnancy. He said it was because he was waiting for her to find a place. She could have gone to her parents house at any time. They were only sexual once before our relationship, but I didn’t like that he put the drugs and her before our relationship.

Sometimes i wish that i just stopped being patient with him right then.

During pregnancy, a woman from Facebook messaged me and linked me to his dating profile. The profile picture was taken in my bathroom.

Two weeks after i gave birth he tried to get a hotel room with a mutual friend. I found out a little later when he left his phone unlocked.

We got physical. Pushing, throwing, and yelling.

He got on dating and prostitution sites and asked another mutual friend for a bikini shot since then. So we started therapy as an ultimatum.

I don’t know if he ever got sober, but he says he did a few weeks ago.

Anyway i had a dream about him leaving me for the drug dealer then when she was done he came back like nothing happened.

I told him i had a bad dream and what it was about. He seemed eh about it I guess. 

When i started crying for seemingly no reason, he hugged me and said he would never leave me.

He’s always known what he did and possibly still does is wrong. He feels badly for himself. I just expected a happier life when having kids.

So again when i open up about this people say mean things to me about staying in the relationship, my ability or inability to regulate emotion, and that I should take medication. The downvotes are mean too. So i reas the rules and i think this is a better place to talk about this.

Anyway, there it is.",3.2212261730205256,5.279943267045455,4.292364369501467,84.51267961876833,75.13636363636364,7.155571847507333,24.42302052785924,8.049812674583475,1.4281313049853381,1418,46,275,23,31,461,194,352,0.08199999999999999,0.805,0.113,0.8853,1,0,3,0,1,0,35.0,4,0,1,2,27,10,0,0,20,0,24,6,0,1,2,47,52,26,0,6,6,1,1,2,3,2,5,5,1,3,14,18,0,2,12,4,0,5,4,4,0,2,23,6,47,6,38,25,2,52,0,0,0,1,55,17,0,6,31,185,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405844418800651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951692348994773,0.0,0.0,0.056814111209723524,0.08760521353857331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781041857840851,0.0,0.0,0.06424167890212733,0.2092721366940859,0.05092883594078356,0.0,0.14218290074337964,0.0,0.0,0.07388960387168214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555431040452356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670464322790788,0.0,0.1835426070783928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311162423344933,0.08549651383126097,0.0,0.0,0.2906603352686054,0.0,0.0,0.09397794926387223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557209526599558,0.07039106655028135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04224334281577117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635948513670672,0.07106414276205489,0.0,0.09160382240519614,0.1290947881255282,0.0,0.08729862174255139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20045798589633074,0.0,0.09203528345984796,0.0,0.07387940805650442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640080971001858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04591466944469276,0.0,0.0,0.17692619685922034,0.0907729196017112,0.0,0.059010975540784286,0.08163266262889755,0.08373499064635156,0.07377260486844238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820120647205678,0.0,0.08416375558528594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668558056377566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443578742131482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016459269083219,0.0,0.0,0.08897371057031364,0.0,0.06354046003188113,0.0,0.0,0.09276789096339566,0.0,0.0,0.05792024261667032,0.0,0.17457547271463558,0.0,0.0,0.09418550610774497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839867557353107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589915160740406,0.0,0.44848542284986426,0.0,0.07134778518569078,0.15894266139103938,0.13287818615247646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211419102237345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691100735413329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262908124639466,0.0,0.11826850745559707,0.08904886702318651,0.06671990393951473,0.06984815550516935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281615730663746,0.13430214059345225,0.0,0.0,0.09554207542623414,0.0,0.055504217145705866,0.05353287160226354,0.0,0.0,0.09743263111684283,0.0,0.0,0.07983173592539197,0.0,0.11344443249270895,0.0,0.08161225387533498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340310440526771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960737198839144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934864613986648,0.0913443815395962,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PM_ME_YER_SHIBA_INUS,2020/02/06,"""Hey, there's always tomorrow!"" Not really. There's always sudden death. Or worse. And nothing stands between any of us and ""worse"", when it gets down to the nitty-gritty.

Sometimes I try to pat myself on the back for never taking a single day for granted anymore. That has upsides.

Today, I'm just trying to not crap a bleak reality check over nice people who mean well.

Nobody thinks they'll live forever. But...most people just worry about that in existential crises at 2 am when the world's quiet, then forget again and go about their life, you know? The ability to compartmentalize risk is so fundamental for mental health.

Fuck knows whether this is appropriate grief or just an unproductive self-pity party, but I really miss it.",4.6804975124378085,7.175208119402987,5.320223880597017,76.80829601990051,72.28358208955223,7.750248756218907,23.106965174129357,8.59863814320734,1.7376636815920403,584,16,98,11,12,188,104,134,0.12300000000000001,0.802,0.075,-0.7498,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,2,0,13,7,2,1,7,0,5,4,1,0,1,18,15,11,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,5,1,0,0,1,7,2,16,14,1,18,0,2,0,1,6,6,2,2,10,63,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998749523920423,0.0,0.0,0.12253943384502365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870597493697735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855957251291462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621148872626247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658826391266504,0.09414495321676594,0.0,0.10240951824186903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915398820479032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806197717904728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727773750991386,0.0,0.0,0.159116336441155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962862296788425,0.0,0.0,0.18159514789763484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897823519264801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290288615956154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498503835504331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308762958232049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798368841544116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821841474719316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548493831507671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154622969287429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080470291519118,0.0,0.0,0.2446824606515605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167535562306923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620178111670397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299774708110916,0.3672701612045828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MadCatness,2020/02/06,"Are there people doing TRE? What is it doing for you and what are the effects? Did you do it by yourself, or supervised?",0.8212499999999991,3.2852086250000028,2.7716666666666683,89.44000000000004,87.75,4.866666666666667,20.5,6.42735559955562,0.4376000000000002,93,3,18,1,3,31,19,24,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,3,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hxsr22,2020/02/06,My attacker is living his life and mine is ruined (tw sexual assault) Two years after the attack I look online to see what he is doing with his life- I don’t know why I think I was triggered by a similar subject posted on reddit. Turns out his best friend is a famous rapper and there he is just chillin in his music video. It’s made me ill. All of this after waking up from a related nightmare as well. My thoughts are so scattered I don’t know what to do. This spiral has left me shaking and wondering if he even remembers what he did. It was probably nothing to him.,3.2047892720306517,4.612021241379309,4.898735632183911,82.8976053639847,73.65517241379311,7.569348659003833,25.819923371647512,8.167268648758528,1.6723498084291184,448,15,87,7,9,152,84,116,0.11900000000000001,0.802,0.079,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,3,1,4,0,14,4,1,2,1,16,23,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,5,1,1,5,2,15,3,14,18,2,10,0,1,2,0,10,5,0,2,3,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515841726906025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828553431090294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310897747699752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334001663766295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181515235058426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21564187375931973,0.0,0.2803751910551133,0.0,0.0,0.17525560283550612,0.0,0.16666762586398962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780028113873914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044053064343475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008260466419974,0.0,0.2139878382387616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483161366764706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581575622419539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271737076507074,0.0,0.15756566893965315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588201000003376,0.19387962207912468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845137590048593,0.0,0.1790913263744059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523588003113175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781032916380702
ptsd,AFAM_illuminat0r,2020/02/06,"How to get diagnosed ? In Durham Region, Ontario Canada. How and where does one get diagnosed ?

A psychologist (student) strongly suggested i had it ... but I don't know what to do next",2.1372727272727303,5.017451818181818,3.7900606060606097,79.64509090909091,91.42424242424242,7.488484848484847,27.81212121212121,8.238735603445708,2.947004848484849,142,7,24,4,5,47,27,33,0.0,0.938,0.062,0.2287,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,5,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7235715964972824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119288237724282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724572758793907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958937307705216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790850054034481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415374426665581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Prestigiousdog1,2020/02/06,Is PTSD considered rare among trauma victims? Statistics show that only 3-4% of American adults currently have PTSD. Studies also show that 70% of Americans have experienced a trauma that *could* cause PTSD. I know people say PTSD is common among people who have experienced trauma but it seems to be a rare occurrence according to statistics.,5.9788505747126415,9.321177,6.490344827586206,65.74747126436785,72.10344827586206,10.763218390804601,30.356321839080447,10.504223727775694,4.618508045977012,278,12,38,10,6,90,39,58,0.128,0.872,0.0,-0.6542,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,5,9,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,6,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499042695003551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192563520544724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966414336222827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030180110059386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256471602766502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599094478307511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8764794212841299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906833272527525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064809127917674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,anonymous19891986,2020/02/06,"Significantly changed behavior My gf who used to be suicidal, abuse drugs/sex, and just generally reckless totally several cars. She was sexually abused by her slightly older sibling in their pre adolescence. They generally got along growing up afterwards as seen with their happy faces on pics and her own words. But one day he randomly showed up to her place causing her to get triggered. This caused an attempted suicide. Right after, she went to the hospital for mental help. A few years later, she's living a very quiet life. From bartending to walking dogs. She doesn't seem like the person she said she was. She's the sweetest and most reserved soft spoken lady. Our first date ended with a wholesome hug and kiss gnight. Who she is now seems nothing like she was before. Is this a common symptom to cptsd? Maybe the pain of that abuse lead to her reckless behavior and once she got help she was able to be her truer self?",4.406381578947368,7.013305146198832,4.656487573099415,80.71350328947369,73.56140350877193,7.783771929824562,28.231359649122812,8.660442795831766,2.4179149122807018,744,30,129,15,16,233,121,171,0.171,0.733,0.096,-0.95,1,0,1,0,3,1,19.0,1,0,3,3,2,7,0,0,9,0,9,6,1,5,1,23,18,7,2,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,3,2,0,2,5,8,0,0,2,1,0,5,1,1,0,2,9,4,22,6,21,7,4,22,0,0,1,2,30,6,0,4,13,80,27,1,0.13732952860433864,0.4881391053163237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685731404457285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28215051007265035,0.1452764320177247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885661849613572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163320077982145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681242687602825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174901062849998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196699386321558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461898368315265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409817648252902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699990736990396,0.1341845417872996,0.0,0.12126448975122857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796596982627296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839586458332948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177138649373116,0.0,0.0,0.14625146601266245,0.0930580426984351,0.0,0.14612830088670625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991084733045786,0.14348012829133264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727866707230902,0.13063182984834218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500392902100123,0.14326464879162687,0.15514327802668826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004324296174211,0.0,0.0,0.1427379627572729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186086199131802,0.0,0.11331124341029836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730584886189425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884357138957364
ptsd,shy-bean,2020/02/06,"How do you know you're ready to try dating again? My exhusband assaulted me over a year ago. I left & started the divorce process, though all the legal hearings weren't finished til July 2019. 

I tried dating some early last year but haven't even thought about it since then, until lately. 

I know I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm doing it. I've come out as nonbinary. I joined a choir, I'm learning ukelele, Im meeting some big poetry goals. I'm involved in a d&d group & working hard in therapy.

But . . I'm lonely. In a way that I haven't been? I want someone to hold & take care of as much as I want someone to hold & take care of me. 

How do you know when youre ready?",1.0757925636007857,2.9483618630136985,2.7826223091976523,93.68698630136987,81.05479452054793,5.541291585127202,22.757338551859107,6.5431188927421005,0.42030097847358094,536,18,121,5,14,177,88,146,0.071,0.8170000000000001,0.11199999999999999,0.8259,0,2,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,3,0,3,8,4,1,0,7,0,9,0,0,2,1,20,26,13,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,3,14,2,18,23,5,25,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,3,16,67,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140423695210988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6808497474225709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25627022110779346,0.0,0.0,0.10825879040112706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300784685321091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258105700981666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164604409655984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575170192929095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720481386602185,0.10244275587546464,0.14176806035451725,0.0,0.13654739786960762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068452849171646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923863584540182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396052864722803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296982150247626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895415622766656,0.0,0.1003650572111726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889855005661312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372151786850884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347608267992738,0.0997727468798895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706515789912056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825398286596014,0.099755800082058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18298732482998764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618625136568274
ptsd,nasiLepak,2020/02/06,"My research topic makes me uncomfortable. I've witnessed domestic violence when I was a kid. My dad was abusive to my mom. And 13 years later, I still get flashbacks. My research topic for university is about domestic violence too (i didnt get to choose my topic). And everytime I read about it,  makes me anxious and really uncomfortable, heart start racing and I cannot concentrate or focus on anything. Idk what to do I just feel like I cant give in my 100% to my research.",2.5810989010989007,5.242615516483519,4.556802197802199,78.60069780219781,80.64835164835166,8.035604395604395,27.78131868131868,8.841846274778883,2.7882782417582432,376,17,67,10,10,128,59,91,0.22,0.754,0.026000000000000002,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,2,0,10,14,6,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,16,1,9,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,6,44,18,4,0.0,0.31783611378647936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030497005734296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074948310285916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563685108788964,0.1916401016177551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28030239484389835,0.2573328618273853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31788127045418896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105493749857708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581221169135985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141748433226293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683257398332768,0.0,0.17184983480454846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987095794124528,0.0,0.21422730948895566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274623146411866
ptsd,vulgarhiccups48,2020/02/06,"Working in a hospital I used to work as a financial counselor before the ACA came into effect. Saw people lose everything over a simple bone fracture, saw elderly couples transition to homelessness after a heart attack. Healthcare at the time was so incredibly expensive and it broke my heart discussing finances and hospital bills with a deceased persons loved ones. I gave that job 100% and really believed in the power of positivity and helping others.

But over time, I started distancing myself from friends and family. I found myself holding the grief of the patients I saw and all I wanted to do was save them from their horrible predicament. One case finally broke my heart and I had a director breathing down my neck cause it was a high dollar case. I tried my best to get in contact with the family and then when I finally did it didn’t go well.

I saw a therapist who helped me work through the things I saw at that job but in a way I still feel haunted by them. Example: the other day I saw a news report about ALS and I had to sit up in my chair cause i felt like i couldn’t breathe. Watching the patient in the report slowly lose his ability to function crushed me. I broke down crying and knew exactly what this man and family were going through cause I had seen patients in the past go through similar situations when they had complications.

Sometimes the memories of the patients I saw keep me up at night and it’s been nearly 7 years since I worked as a financial counselor, I really want to move on. Has anyone had a traumatizing experience working in a hospital? How did you cope?",5.723390097760959,7.0630251390728525,6.429167455061492,74.5827041942605,67.47682119205298,9.990791548407444,33.91737622201198,10.181067101454742,3.699097887101861,1280,59,223,32,21,420,169,302,0.12,0.805,0.075,-0.9479,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,4,10,7,13,1,0,26,0,16,8,7,6,2,37,40,21,1,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,12,16,0,2,5,0,4,5,2,7,1,2,26,11,37,6,42,13,2,42,0,6,9,1,16,21,0,0,15,158,49,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057858075736688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148321720326895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589127115974056,0.1137231798003068,0.1059287802998238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544681030597274,0.0,0.3110750854576221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168658515376838,0.11087625693042416,0.06509701399775547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907170597466572,0.09873727001239596,0.28546764353879983,0.0,0.051037563497623666,0.0,0.0969168368104208,0.22114649430740774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067390956770548,0.07798487296451705,0.0,0.0527362260353254,0.0,0.17209711145334747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35883800151770473,0.13531396408994426,0.10664711947096203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003318706350679,0.08971882065297761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04931347668876936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258488356470787,0.0,0.0,0.09110098183918684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728170386006357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472399095268352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367971469198288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635726694469844,0.06997808088337278,0.08813564805302772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932763899406652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834974112269914,0.11345915881157285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983080645996424,0.0,0.07144482487286348,0.0,0.08060965602838194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719743582212312,0.06705908713981447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771615989419018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853064933863258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871784981379922,0.0,0.0,0.11907234346031265,0.08012032230033518,0.0,0.0,0.09075587824427388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674223310873844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650011164857567
ptsd,-GimmeGarlicBread-,2020/02/06,"*tw: sexual assault* my story, and a few questions **Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault**

okay so this is gonna sound weird so i'll start from the beginning

So, it started two years ago when I met a girl we'll call Jamie. So Jamie and I had a lot in common, and immediately became friends. I was new in town and she was my first friend.

The trouble started a year later, (I was 12 at this point, yup I know I'm young) when she started making some horrible comments. For example I told her I was bullied at my last school and she smirked and said ""Oh, so you're an easy target"" It felt weird, I wasn't sure how to react.

Later, when school started again, she kept making comments like those or about my body. I definitely was an early bloomer and she was as well, but she really bugged me about some things about myself.

Then, she molested me. Several times.

At first it was subtle touches, and she told me she was just physical with friends. I thought it was weird because she wasn't that way with other people.

Then it got worse, like a lot worse. Not rape, but intense making out etc.

So that happened at the end of the school year and I didn't see her over the summer.

It was the worse summer of my life, and when school started I was extremely suicidal. At this point, I told a close friend. They helped me a lot.

Jamie took it way too far a few days ago. I'm shaken over it. I just want to get her out of my life.

Jamie is still abusing me.

But here's my problem. I want to report Jamie, I really do. But I feel like I can't for two main reasons

1. She's popular at my small school, everyone knows her. It's a private school, so everyone knows each other anyways but she seems like such a nice person on the outside.
2. I don't want to go to a hospital/inpaitient. I'm terrified of that.

Please, if someone knows what I can do say something. I'm sick of feeling alone.",0.12184615384615327,2.4938441157894786,1.885789473684213,94.55821862348179,92.05263157894736,5.02834008097166,19.939271255060728,6.67199483983844,0.3187408906882592,1444,48,312,20,52,471,184,380,0.149,0.722,0.13,-0.8949,0,1,1,0,0,0,64.0,1,0,1,2,24,22,4,0,20,2,23,5,1,7,1,54,62,32,1,5,10,0,4,4,4,2,3,3,0,2,20,16,0,1,11,0,0,2,6,9,1,4,25,8,52,13,32,35,10,57,0,0,1,1,35,19,0,9,38,201,72,7,0.0,0.09285485696392858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893938890387816,0.0,0.0,0.08116700487918124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777322438232013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705067349308973,0.0,0.0,0.08002386190235601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050541743205137074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941197706229399,0.0,0.08740253397117051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977053226303136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925178958904977,0.055987074635023316,0.07524685968691833,0.0,0.0,0.1333218470438359,0.0,0.0,0.2421918414502858,0.0,0.04094474738852663,0.0,0.044539103917121035,0.0,0.06267912314998571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930175161317605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252931897413074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227896654632374,0.06388147474626486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070916990160128,0.15314921052705927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988043991585075,0.0,0.0,0.15693643594559048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756896002751296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433143514259635,0.06842908787287934,0.0,0.08602600525962444,0.14816872158209313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498887769126891,0.0,0.0,0.08779160035497838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041081637922987,0.08057673748449536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454719204053764,0.0623224474437133,0.0,0.4758837571967466,0.062450220233735726,0.07134450694982003,0.0,0.0885350511761267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664020904053274,0.060332549384118625,0.0,0.0,0.33282134804383745,0.0,0.062585858930202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572334189874102,0.0,0.07386217875886923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520651094980835,0.0,0.0,0.062216504775811525,0.04569779440783686,0.0,0.0,0.22465579839454705,0.08707122417902048,0.0,0.0,0.15311092212147145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867280777761576,0.12441187411010834,0.0,0.0,0.07046345156072649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23959516883354945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514018632675037
ptsd,AllDaWayJay,2020/02/06,"Libido further in the hole the more I heal Anyone else having this problem? 

My deal come from CSA. After the incidents as a kid I started being sexually active. As I grew up and suppressed it, my libido grew. Now looking back to all BS from my past and healing, I can tell my libido ain’t what it is. 

Yo boy used to bring it. My wife always dug it when we first met and even up until last year(that’s when I started the whole healing process). 3 times a day our entire relationship wasn’t that much for me(11years). Now, it’s like....ain’t there some other shit we could be doing than this? It ain’t like I’m not attracted to her. I just...fuck man idk. The more I look into my shit, the more I’m starting to pull away from sex

Anyway man. Take it easy on yo boy should you answer. I’m coming at y’all on the humble and on the low. Shit like this ain’t easy rapping wit in front of dudes in my therapy sessions. Aight y’all",0.2390200495607111,2.4865839585492253,1.9893444469475128,95.74580536156796,87.65284974093265,4.3927911691822485,18.23586393331832,5.7926816847441245,-0.3877770218517682,716,19,159,5,23,234,119,193,0.105,0.825,0.07,-0.7661,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,3,3,0,1,8,8,3,0,10,0,12,7,3,1,1,18,26,9,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,5,13,9,0,1,1,1,0,7,5,5,0,1,2,2,21,3,25,20,7,35,0,1,2,1,17,13,3,1,17,102,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151224339879303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051390061587386,0.16194334344856468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849541595161048,0.12153252600922927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722962649007641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619196643946398,0.0,0.0,0.10193071124609132,0.16294506611038026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203248458580233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439210789181637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344392756563998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611688062844788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883378655752753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316492313953349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654483892705796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618668674202365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087888291990234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123478443537905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968910915389046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867154975190461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33561086908200605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883572163952198,0.0,0.13814474858442213,0.0,0.18074667357938615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216161515171137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650651197116329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645984047919408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178055226022592
ptsd,jcoy717,2020/02/06,"getting really tired of flinching ok so quick backstory bc i (19F) don’t want to talk about it a whole lot. my mom hit/hurt me the entire time i was living in her house. from birth until the time i moved out at 17. 

how do you all cope with the anxiety of feeling like someone is about to hit you? i get scared when people come up behind me. i get scared when someone comes in for a hug too fast. me and my boyfriend do this thing where we pretend to hit each other in a very over exaggerated silly way and sometimes it’s ok for me and sometimes it’s not and i never know when it’s not gonna be ok. just the other day my friend LOOKED at me a little too fast while i was driving and i flinched and swerved the car. it’s exhausting being on guard and terrified all the time. what am i supposed to do?",0.830764705882352,2.7883925470588267,2.5394117647058816,94.66735294117649,82.35294117647058,5.411764705882354,20.588235294117645,6.522977012572876,0.10258823529411742,623,18,143,6,17,205,104,170,0.11900000000000001,0.768,0.113,-0.47100000000000003,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,0,0,12,10,0,2,10,3,10,3,0,1,3,25,22,14,0,1,3,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,10,13,0,1,2,1,0,5,4,3,0,0,2,2,21,7,23,15,5,31,0,0,1,1,7,11,0,1,15,100,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547025856655986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825670707691018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577545934651686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293040481202875,0.11717163203000475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267168070133904,0.0,0.25707163157809143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925013127688603,0.17558037570945886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013780326203917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012895413157017,0.16438511273877762,0.14482736398156615,0.0,0.13773044926616887,0.0,0.0,0.13943883481732947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209121068151702,0.0,0.17432092208816954,0.0,0.0,0.12649770541446004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137066540391804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507156611875902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284132463843116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779370543546489,0.0,0.3244280731709148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182823782566305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896361153856532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869136413633039,0.1885099617987598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353287242312489,0.0967397047229775,0.13018667637506598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831157700630249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,19yroldnarc,2020/02/06,"Disassociation During Sex? Hello there all,

I have an inquiry. My ex gf has a history of mental health issues including bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder traits (diagnosed by a professional). When she was 15, she was in a car with an older man who raped her at knifepoint. She reported the event and testified against him in court, leading to his conviction. Prior to the event, she had no experience with penetration or consensual sex. 

Now for my question. She confided in me with her history and mental health issues, and said that she feared sex due to her previously mentioned occurrence. I told her that a reaction of that sort is understandable, and that she should feel no pressure to be intimate in such a way until she feels ready. She told me she was ready and that she would like to have sex. During sex, I told her that I would go slow and even offered to let her take control and be on top. We started and while we were having intercourse things were okay for a minute until I felt her body tense and freeze. Her body began to spasm/shake and her nails dig into my back. She had an empty stare and appeared to have dissociated. I immediately stopped and freed myself from her grip. She was breathing heavy and appeared to be crying/angry yet wasn’t responsive to any words or gestures. When I attempted to lay next to her and comfort her, she appeared aggressive and defensive (not sure which but she didn’t want anything near her). After a few minutes, she snapped back into the situation and began to cry and apologize—yet told me she wasn’t aware of her clawing my back or of any of her actions. 

She told me she had a flashback to the event and could see the person and the knife, and that she felt completely gone from the moment.

Is this ptsd or something more?",6.643571428571431,7.409355976190477,6.839880952380952,74.52178571428571,65.1309523809524,10.20952380952381,32.964285714285715,10.181067101454742,3.3227,1432,57,259,32,21,461,176,336,0.071,0.873,0.055999999999999994,-0.7941,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,2,0,0,4,10,10,3,2,18,1,27,13,3,2,2,56,49,31,0,5,6,1,6,1,1,3,4,1,0,3,11,28,0,3,6,0,0,8,6,5,0,0,23,9,55,5,40,18,3,43,0,0,2,6,55,10,0,9,25,194,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718695333561102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905603950777602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496440618387367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404165882298905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346686642215333,0.0,0.12137820533421677,0.08640505854093458,0.0,0.11887485594652875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984126922013468,0.0,0.0,0.2480595498203138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147845023820097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586016406237808,0.0,0.12177786105132035,0.10943881362172923,0.0,0.2078168100833621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150405836561858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300661166473804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259076356006783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106625312110796,0.0,0.052870944599784815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21812110372066984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509345678411448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898748489736825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650367349961514,0.0,0.12123144018099663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294223383537192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862375228147538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216440880395479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331323067415794,0.0,0.0,0.07659884541571466,0.0,0.0,0.09047696941845633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199629884450734,0.0,0.0813681550001268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189672112266056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170454021086793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126610901634415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383110355602313,0.08590019211974642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375311210404355,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,KyLyWySy,2020/02/06,"Adult Psych Ward I’m feeling a bit unsafe with myself right now(suicidal thoughts), but I don’t have an urge to harm myself at the moment. When I feel like I’m going to hurt myself that instant with a plan of how to do it, I’ll call 911. What are the differences between the adolescent and adult inpatient units in a psych ward? I’ve only been as a teen, but I just turned 18 on 1/24. What can I expect from an adult unit?",3.619356060606058,4.298139193181822,4.611818181818184,88.12106060606064,71.8409090909091,7.684848484848485,23.75757575757576,7.793537801064563,0.923289393939394,331,8,73,4,6,108,62,88,0.114,0.833,0.053,-0.8025,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,9,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,13,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,7,1,12,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,44,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33091504786680875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095067984893661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166829794100009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065206687998833,0.21654016458509726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226306170769126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244830066402368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808308645251878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23052702516659135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588522755867646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33155057099421903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406336153815746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296940819135249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,owl111owl,2020/02/06,"Feeling like reverting back to old self while dissociating? I frequently experience DP/DR in relation to my BPD symptoms like when I’m feeling abandoned, when I’m experiencing anxiety in general, and in relation to my PTSD symptoms. 

I’m dissociating right now and feel like I’m reverting back to the same identity I had when the traumatic event occurred. 

I want to note that I started dissociating because of my BPD symptoms and my FP making me feel abandoned by doing something really minor, but that my traumatic event was violent in nature and had nothing to do with abandonment. Despite my BPD causing my dissociation, I feel like I’m reverting back to the identity I had when that traumatic event occurred, in a dissociative way like when the derealization hits and it feels like you’re dreaming, except I feel like the person I was when the trauma happened and everything/myself feels surreal. 

In your opinion/experience, is this probably more of a BPD thing or a PTSD thing? Is it a PTSD flashback in a way? Because past me was very nervous and small and weak and that’s how I feel now. 

Definitely not asking anyone to diagnose me, just wondering what it sounds more like so I can figure out how to bring this up to my doctor. 

Thanks!",7.357392389270117,8.117924305676857,8.308936369307549,64.62551310043672,63.58515283842794,11.957704304429194,38.62788521522146,11.629938488055165,5.011748346849656,1002,51,165,31,14,340,112,229,0.156,0.715,0.129,-0.9131,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,0,15,16,1,1,11,0,11,6,0,4,0,37,34,21,0,1,5,0,9,8,0,0,6,1,0,2,12,11,0,3,11,1,0,1,1,7,0,0,6,11,22,9,24,27,3,33,0,3,0,0,4,11,0,2,27,111,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745740537131137,0.0,0.0,0.06165745759778055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243633147709338,0.0,0.0,0.2034147702887855,0.0,0.10750733418982586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44423814164736825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058507876615864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950077314907465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025589523372324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251378460098804,0.0,0.0,0.4012778007339388,0.3149787993651569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797722120442926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446420786940599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058860788248038996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461102141255784,0.0,0.09253000345877883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417772130194953,0.0,0.07699531393758229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950728791926468,0.0,0.3092328593287476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056490321368961614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530517872606173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199089870051262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788521847776947,0.0,0.0,0.06241420857303991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749581334294087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118423253422269,0.0,0.0,0.11716565500468527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275767750177248,0.05201080759339495,0.1399862485740845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562737297850857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Errona123,2020/02/06,"Grasping for straws and Refusing to get help for ptsd NSFW My boyfriend has severe ptsd and it seems to be getting worse. But he refuses to get help. He says that nothing and no one can help him and no one can be trusted. he thinks he will get hurt- everyone is out to get him- to fail him.
I think his lack of trust is one of problems that  stems from a combination of have grown up with an abusive parent, followed up with a repeat cheating ex fiancée . And it has really hurt him.
He has a wall in his head he can’t get past emotionally. Whenever certain subjects are brought up- such as the words “i love you.”
His eyes glaze over and he goes quiet. 
We have been together a year and have had  one fight- just one- where I finally pushed and he snapped. He told me he had nothing left. He fakes everything from day to day - that he is a shell of a human and that he fights thinking about ways to murder his ex girlfriend on a daily basis. 
Hearing this broke my heart on so many levels. 
That was 2 months ago. 
I sat him down, tried to explain how serious his condition was and asked him to get help. And its not just that he won’t. He can’t. Even the mention of ptsd- doctors- or help- shuts him down mentally- I’ ve even witnessed him falling asleep from a simple question about his ex or his dad. There are even places we cannot go- that trigger his mental shut down- a target to the north, a tourist town to the west....
Now I shy away from all and any topics that would cause him to shut down. But if I cant ask him to help himself- he’ll just stay stuck where he is- getting worse. 
The only thing I’ve been able to convince him to do is exercise twice a week.
I’ve researched at-home care and Don’t know how much else I can help him. I fee like I’m grasping for straws. 
He has to want it himself. And I think a part of him does- but the mental wall that shuts him down seems to be activated before he can even get that far. 
I know I’m no expert. But I need expert advice. I’m desperate. I love him and want  him to get better.",1.299785714285715,3.373907121428573,2.49809523809524,94.96357142857143,81.35714285714286,5.523809523809526,21.19047619047619,6.655083550727371,0.2294047619047617,1581,47,354,16,42,505,212,420,0.094,0.799,0.10800000000000001,0.715,2,0,0,0,2,0,52.0,2,1,0,2,18,20,4,0,19,0,36,8,4,4,2,58,74,26,1,7,11,5,0,1,1,4,2,3,0,1,16,20,0,2,12,1,1,6,10,11,0,6,10,4,44,9,50,57,4,47,0,4,1,2,76,29,0,6,11,216,60,3,0.07877064959530611,0.09333033909849543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697376712729431,0.0698254281172071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356674288547924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727984823107645,0.0,0.07400761826601268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702802107312325,0.0,0.0,0.06966623833810688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031192705101196,0.08091915550843692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160110491144192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062509765901209,0.06893272628689269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580277010788957,0.08860637855513774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810908461604044,0.0,0.0,0.0752687313303437,0.07079398069545449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862893963527238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115441327488044,0.0,0.04476717543534474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808414118177425,0.0,0.08878024697034442,0.09334359903632844,0.3695881420679172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686512191302013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658057797425134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855845412651102,0.0,0.0,0.038483360533068035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421871733425089,0.0,0.0,0.07986107514730786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381468632126755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287398099114021,0.0,0.05790549091965575,0.058407438575642616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116512548572786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668851538310706,0.059908628558644476,0.0,0.0,0.08746548449769494,0.08530093736795018,0.07519549812350591,0.0,0.0,0.08229856334895386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537287345411058,0.27623602223647603,0.0,0.08824115505678619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046249516851225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264158218055835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434196819457348,0.0,0.08898841286870422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839590317001718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052331719454848866,0.2018922065649809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752687313303437,0.0,0.05348010043397474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292194001693843,0.0625244751768151,0.06318506373301615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054804300496078,0.05595640943215924,0.0,0.0,0.05072571574218391
ptsd,Redditusername_123,2020/02/06,"Circumcision Hi All,

Do any of you have PTSD relating to your circumcision? If so, have you found any modalities/techniques to help cope? I was thinking about EMDR and don’t know of any other options. Thank you.",3.73423076923077,6.493192102564106,4.550961538461539,79.80028846153847,76.69230769230771,8.002564102564103,27.698717948717945,8.841846274778883,2.552379487179488,168,7,30,4,4,54,30,39,0.0,0.8590000000000001,0.141,0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,9,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6900688514279734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708758450297767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267231769990295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589444613173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953984720110741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31141698426004777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673821540479546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,myfeelies,2020/02/07,Shout out to everyone just trying to survive the day. You’re surviving and I love you I’m having a really bad trigger day so just saying what I wish someone would/could say to me,0.4735135135135131,2.9257444594594624,2.923027027027029,87.28616216216219,90.8918918918919,6.203243243243244,20.913513513513514,7.554174236665415,1.2093070270270276,143,5,28,3,5,49,30,37,0.095,0.677,0.228,0.6494,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555906599499042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444054529237149,0.0,0.0,0.3948337180542816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29250304974824737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762779516983832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961031290658348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868649572012154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593676293959641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078298943172681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520135913487693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745311927783004,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,oceansidedrive,2020/02/07,"Diagnosed Today. What advice do you wish someone gave you when you first were diagnosed? I've suspected for about a year I have PTSD due to past traumas. I kept it buried in me for over 15 years and it all came to the surface about 1.5 years ago. Since then I've struggled a lot and today the psychiatrist formally diagnosed PTSD. 

Since this is all new to me I was wondering if anyone who has been dealing with it for a while has any advice? Maybe something they wish they knew at the beginning? Something that can help? Or somethings to look out for? Im not sure I just thought maybe I have symptoms I don't even realize are PTSD and awareness seems to be the first step to getting better. What would you tell your newly diagnosed self if you could go back in time?",3.3736525725929667,5.366047781456956,3.7876821192052996,88.59505348955679,74.49668874172184,7.295160468670403,26.184921039225674,8.139509932561175,1.5745757514009169,609,22,123,10,13,190,98,151,0.062,0.8590000000000001,0.079,0.542,0,0,3,0,0,0,12.0,0,6,2,3,6,4,0,1,7,0,15,5,0,0,3,26,28,9,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,6,0,0,3,2,2,0,2,8,1,16,2,18,17,3,26,0,0,1,0,14,6,0,6,17,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21665975839515414,0.09826958553745964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538774575233154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751500967571051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524352933902148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804554804802644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679286721082625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885116844581537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429049473203715,0.0,0.4500771564011957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322115325046864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859277783566886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057919116926448286,0.0,0.06300357755529412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430627764922833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974646431383802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309342240226404,0.0,0.0,0.09424813770732174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22274501259992635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706806337947501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582721272365203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887638092261905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092163473071857,0.11564984481462336,0.0,0.0,0.18340699316148973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393025195276802,0.2560334259062009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589362666618976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448305193784008,0.11522467950934515,0.0,0.0,0.0968954263988034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800945773754902,0.06464262369170133,0.0,0.21016224920637455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25496416344007444,0.0,0.1202215762778823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875086929409908,0.0,0.0,0.2141681847066399
ptsd,lbucha01,2020/02/07,"Which states offer workers’ comp benefits for PTSD and other “mental-only” injuries? It’s estimated that 32% of first responders, including firefighters, police officers and EMS technicians, suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Around 8 million American adults live with PTSD. It’s more common than you might think, but can people who are traumatized on the job qualify for workers’ comp? In most cases, it depends on where you live and what you do. 

See which states offer workers’ comp benefits for occupational mental/mental injuries like PTSD, and know your rights: [https://www.gerberholderlaw.com/workers-comp-ptsd-by-state/](https://www.gerberholderlaw.com/workers-comp-ptsd-by-state/)",15.539929824561405,18.599922378947376,11.825000000000005,38.48416666666671,46.26315789473684,12.649122807017546,38.99122807017544,12.161744961471696,5.7314912280701735,586,22,61,15,6,171,70,95,0.099,0.8170000000000001,0.084,-0.1179,1,0,0,0,1,0,42.0,0,4,0,4,2,5,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,12,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,4,3,11,6,2,10,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,3,3,39,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428061866271325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600027343884519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875039797677216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853928671264068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767248440297874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820536207369324,0.0,0.24655264518545425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28138382939431034,0.14810190682043964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678653107335272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337057652521585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8159707491521384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192243733092072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124941141949267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599203636986059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945509733218965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LilyR18,2020/02/07,"I witnessed my fiance have two seizures nearly a year ago. Is it possible I have PTSD? Or is it anxiety? I mean absolutely no disrespect to those who do have PTSD and struggle with its symptoms. The last thing I want is to go around waving that phrase around carelessly and take away from those who have it.
Several months ago, my fiance had a seizure in my dorm. He has epilepsy so I've always had it in the back of my mind that if I notice anything weird to remain calm, but he is on meds for it and I had never witnessed a seizure before, so seeing him just stare at me and start screeching and convulsing out of the blue one afternoon took me by surprise.  I remained relatively ca and waited it out since he told me before that I shouldn't call an ambulance unless the seizure lasts a long time. I counted less than two minutes, which is fine. When he opened his eyes again, he didn't speak or seem like himself. He was just trying to  get up and climb on furniture while i tried my best to keep him from hurting himself. Eventually, he regained consciousness and asked what happened. I offered to take him to the hospital to get checked out since his dad recommended it over the phone, but he refused. A little later after he was back to normal he was on the phone, and my head rested on his lap. One minute he was talking, then the next minute I heard that awful screech again and jumped up. After two seizures, i decided to just call 911. He went to the hospital and all was well. 
For a long time, and even to this day, if he's joking around and accidentally makes a sound like he did or moves too suddenly, I panic for a second before realizing he isn't having a seizure. Early in I used to snap and get so angry at him for making weird sounds that sounded like that, but he honestly doesn't know what he sounds like during seizures and didn't mean to upset me, so i have gotten better about being more fair to him. We are long distance right now, and even when other people around me make strange sounds I feel my heart drop and I get so upset thinking that they could be having one even though no one in my family has ever had it. It gets me kind of angry to be frightened like that and ready to spring to action if need be only to find they're just being weird or having other less urgent issues. Is this ptsd, or just a more prominent anxiety? I do have a history of anxiety and am going to counseling for it.",5.26999306999307,5.677651941787943,5.70125363825364,82.74453465003468,68.04365904365903,8.65865557865558,28.2994455994456,8.548686976883017,1.8790997366597364,1908,59,383,27,30,613,231,481,0.113,0.7659999999999999,0.12,0.6837,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,1,3,29,23,0,4,21,1,42,4,3,4,3,72,74,41,0,8,17,1,1,5,0,1,1,7,1,0,31,29,0,3,10,1,1,8,8,9,1,8,17,12,45,14,60,50,7,66,0,1,4,0,43,25,0,9,37,273,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144391880632625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776863481648336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869152487532599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702216725743215,0.2900127147262162,0.07613993511674626,0.0,0.07652011216195896,0.12525211585767554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079106912510242,0.0,0.0854713392802338,0.07203134618347605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632858409303294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502708089677714,0.0,0.0,0.052525186769676636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138065448380215,0.07367152441863041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677895074210281,0.0,0.041180960390508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443911213580172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275784801195785,0.0,0.09257396375529203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202140678396371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358590702635316,0.0,0.0,0.0965125325637047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718839023914869,0.0,0.0,0.08500725734966945,0.0,0.07239191972331105,0.0,0.08481227220361076,0.04475995642653648,0.13277683670510598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989491847835766,0.08162913025480491,0.0,0.21622837269262624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309519787540094,0.0,0.0,0.17743462349892275,0.09046686152261448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223607536516142,0.0,0.06500849764165954,0.08656298017622238,0.0,0.06039032001862715,0.06281528479175395,0.0,0.08661751581876061,0.0,0.07979865497548966,0.0,0.09272549497779327,0.0,0.0,0.22075653705930806,0.061942474088263866,0.0,0.09555797644133036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564636001324028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181682456566707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856139935314712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955345197221148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649009961581817,0.07414432733987901,0.0,0.09200949163574307,0.0,0.1347440335629968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764707994599234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514383476913903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465237783720858,0.12247277386214747,0.06546228072266289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410833554891202,0.052186567589057424,0.08001914594580663,0.0,0.09498228727456913,0.0,0.0,0.07782403891156278,0.09048821869291183,0.1105914061152791,0.0,0.2386793352654967,0.0,0.0,0.07034219568282858,0.0,0.0,0.04803827929474348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322869610257211,0.07550018656963445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524478094151845
ptsd,iliveinstress,2020/02/07,Health ptsd Any of you have that? I struggle with it from an allergic reaction to something we never found the source to and it's made my life hell. How do we cope with this? I feel like the unpredictability of our bodies makes it 20x as hard to stabilize.,1.5676470588235285,4.122452333333335,2.76421568627451,90.3839705882353,84.49019607843138,6.537254901960785,20.264705882352946,7.793537801064563,0.8326705882352945,203,6,43,4,6,65,42,51,0.193,0.763,0.044000000000000004,-0.8105,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,3,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,3,0,2,4,1,3,1,11,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,7,1,9,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209991149770096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301119433666848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026858051021058,0.21231314209935795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32585433454378865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662245514778317,0.0,0.0,0.3158998862286105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991462649413747,0.14519239623164532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812090878824101,0.1983771435501976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292118394154101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474001008786511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287919705416052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106883149064073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dumb-brain,2020/02/07,"Finally found a job I could handle, then the new hire came along... I'm sure everyone knows the feeling of going through job after job and being pushed away by one thing or another time after time but things had finally started looking up for me. After recently completing some group cbt and putting a year into focusing on improving myself I got the courage to start applying for jobs again, and I found what seemed like the perfect place.

So now I'm working as a line cook for a cute little breakfast place called Angelique's which at first was so supportive and the work was fun and exciting, but now has become the place I dread going to more than anything. After only a month and a half of me working here our expo chef quit, another line cook quit, and the head chef decided to bring his little brother on as the new expo chef. Unfortunately the head chefs younger brother seems to struggle with his responsibilities and since the day he started has shirked those responsibilities on to me and my fellow cooks. Not only does he not put any consideration into what would make other people's lives easier, he specifically goes out of his way to act petty and rude to the entirety of the staff. And the cherry on top, hes a fucking pervert and tries to force me into these uncomfortable, sexually charged ""jokes"" every day belittling every female he sees by treating them less than human.
This past week has really seemed like hes kicked his fuckery into 5th gear, hes decided to no longer speak to me but instead point at things he wants me to do, he berates the waitresses and the dishwashers, and he fights with everyone working line with him. Of course today him and his brother, the head fucking chef, showed up high on speed pills and sat there and stuffed their faces with food as myself and another cook struggled through service.
The owner sides with the head chef no matter what and cant afford to jeopardize their relationship so he will never discipline him or his brother out of fear theyre going to quit. If anyone has any advice on how to reasonably deal with this and to not fall victim to the boiling rage that this is causing me I would love you for ever.  Sorry for the rant love you guys",10.890726809954753,8.064272716346156,9.951606334841633,67.29927601809956,58.61538461538462,12.961312217194571,40.33597285067872,11.088447113337141,4.333116968325792,1774,66,315,33,17,564,225,416,0.111,0.763,0.126,0.8454,6,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,1,2,3,10,12,23,6,4,27,0,18,17,5,4,4,68,46,34,0,5,9,4,1,2,1,3,1,1,0,2,14,34,7,1,11,6,0,10,7,10,0,3,8,4,33,13,64,33,3,66,0,0,2,4,42,26,2,7,31,203,47,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379608571307865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027107311198639,0.2375641017926905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052804492541211966,0.0,0.062145527991373226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095238734967514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340456825040529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771131261603065,0.08637337515563673,0.0,0.07757859798982214,0.0,0.0,0.07918001252139255,0.0,0.0,0.06029560728088555,0.0,0.0,0.09740674162651984,0.07785655451579436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608700038145753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831106737177968,0.12725567215155206,0.1443228766388162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497963208922607,0.03818456835079671,0.0,0.0,0.16545428207624885,0.0,0.0642362425819999,0.09131761833812338,0.16560490646206927,0.0,0.1396318054161919,0.0,0.0,0.1287572028310285,0.0,0.06039927361890957,0.0,0.0,0.07477547326936314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31001625506012137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978974590047076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29976297781001576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04150315095472404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378933053202699,0.1513793303542834,0.06668447346367826,0.0,0.06341676211409424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631730942740194,0.0,0.050409377472049925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060278376172905324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824474497098784,0.1458730322753243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117348526049245,0.11487088271918702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209122837372743,0.05235521896873353,0.0,0.2367031806401904,0.0,0.07138966458725035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518344809463959,0.0,0.2409705808181505,0.0,0.0,0.0483792694281539,0.07764589180673938,0.07456569259767165,0.08107891630561519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601786966679898,0.20624840520616114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062469921908793385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845371004675606,0.1603577607380637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578972684250711,0.0,0.0,0.08569782580166208,0.07117556405935092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051398152371653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880712252982513,0.0,0.0715829809419463,0.0,0.0,0.051272299938795805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044542937847743734,0.05994329888626945,0.06057661659350695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991430865493455,0.0,0.0,0.10729276065761124,0.0,0.0,0.04863162355789262
ptsd,sofreshsarah,2020/02/07,"Someone made a comment to me that I might have PTSD due to my car accidents. Sorry if this looks weird I’m on mobile and this is my first ever Reddit post (second now, I put this same post in r/Advice   

tl;dr: 

Someone made a comment that I might have PTSD from my car accidents(I hate dropping the condition so lightly - makes me feel worse. I’m just not really sure what to do.)...I’ve never seen a doctor for it, and I know you guys aren’t necessarily doctors, but maybe some other experiences could help me out. 

When I (now 19) was 18, I rear ended someone on the highway going about 55 because I didn’t know the ABS light was on in the car I was driving, so I slammed on my breaks thus sliding into the car in front of me. It was still my fault, I wasn’t paying attention, but yeah - totaled the car, it terrified me. 
Three months later I got into another accident. I swerved for an animal (stupid me,I know) around a curve, flew into a ditch then flipped my car over a fence twice. 

After the first accident, I wasn’t really afraid to drive again. I mean yeah I became more defensive (not following too close, two car lengths behind a person, etc.) After that second accident, I didn’t drive again for about 6 months. Before then, I was perfectly fine.  Now, I can’t even drive to work/the store/anywhere really without being so tense my hands sweat, my back aches, my head hurts. I have to give myself a pep talk before/during driving. I just recently moved to a new state and not knowing any of the roads/places around me is the worst part of it all. My bf, who i live with, doesn’t really understand. He always replies with “It’ll get better the more you drive.” While it does, I’m so sick of feeling like I’m going to die every time I’m in a car.  That aspect of it never gets better. I refuse to drive on the highway - even two lane traffic makes me shake and panic. I have a really bad habit of going 5 under. If anyone is on my ass, I pull over and just let them go in front of me. The worst thing to do while driving is panic, and I can’t seem to get past it. If you’ve made it this far I appreciate it. I’ve been debating posting this for months, but now I’m at a point where I really don’t know how to fix myself.",2.679451754385962,4.054637866228074,4.17763157894737,87.67175438596495,74.94298245614036,7.2596491228070175,22.535087719298247,7.8897218956490685,0.9447087719298244,1721,45,368,25,36,573,224,456,0.179,0.742,0.079,-0.9946,1,0,0,0,0,0,71.0,0,2,1,5,26,19,3,4,25,2,30,7,4,7,7,61,65,22,1,4,13,0,3,1,1,3,3,0,0,2,23,15,0,3,11,0,1,29,15,13,0,8,16,7,51,6,53,43,10,90,0,1,2,1,14,25,1,7,31,242,74,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283010296093625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053018556118885,0.0,0.0,0.05764222012349634,0.08888212620480275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926874727467318,0.0,0.0,0.1509153212259263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517805026835716,0.07077414578986023,0.05167116248805547,0.0,0.07212766237065106,0.0,0.0,0.1499332021753254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767691417382055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797133424955249,0.0,0.0,0.17351846972196525,0.07417728180405946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750754756827822,0.0,0.09453392759404128,0.11197124390018627,0.07667361607464196,0.07141706992196285,0.0,0.0,0.08291515981419104,0.0,0.0,0.08571814337992349,0.060555201540212274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419991346364214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285659839999664,0.08131306119821632,0.19269264784443926,0.0,0.06779327120507961,0.0,0.0,0.08392938582047857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368660136826514,0.08699200668323108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568153188568049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074128996402303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329195534942728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667662233550713,0.0,0.041411260409867146,0.0,0.07484789673489935,0.0,0.07118015657067144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406163766869819,0.113160850900432,0.0,0.08515652590194893,0.09233251454930302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984177325860526,0.0,0.0,0.2029727209705484,0.09009039463597818,0.0,0.0,0.13074997613390704,0.08186530603782224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890386839014326,0.0,0.09179082288082947,0.08091653928628266,0.0,0.0740123900805302,0.0,0.0,0.08012909100760979,0.0,0.2435405704836785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816844982636064,0.08521092662494292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258107659115585,0.0,0.08369392408199318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716568556755471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546001430144135,0.0,0.0,0.09488601824996358,0.0,0.0,0.06769239732191445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988878058194777,0.0,0.0,0.0681298482569556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056313233356496725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942639293710607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560362918610969,0.08824199715237899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817091783889874,0.0,0.06170898040342492,0.0,0.08638144804765753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,coliewantsahug,2020/02/07,"having babies hi friends, i was wondering if there are any other people who have given birth who have ptsd from sexual trauma and hospital trauma on here. i want to have babies with my boyfriend but the whole ordeal just seems impossible to me now and i don’t know anyone else who have trauma like mine. how did you get through it? 

thank you :-)",4.652272727272724,6.278937257575759,4.9337575757575785,83.20063636363638,70.36363636363636,7.704242424242422,22.29090909090909,8.238735603445708,1.1570400000000003,273,6,51,4,5,86,53,66,0.1,0.732,0.168,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,0,11,16,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,8,3,6,13,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,3,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083405819574488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167832967801274,0.3176669331978469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25899400103583303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23953184774777206,0.0,0.16198020443314934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038682615321776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514671723002243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149388513265129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624136821390461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28224372008587306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28543806801347554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828663518993184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34614239254243145,0.0,0.0,0.3362191368956182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Purdy-girl-666,2020/02/07,"Something that grinds my gears a bit.... First of all, I don't mean to offend anyone, especially veterans/people who have served, with military PTSD. 

Second of all, since I know it's a pretty sensitive subject (or at least i think it is) i rather use my secondary account rather than my main one.


Now, to my little issue... there's this mini series on YouTube (I live in Israel BTW) that basically everything episodes is around a different topic (like for instance past drug addicts, old people, people with mental health issues, blind people, LGBTQ+... you get the point) and they bring several people who deal with the certain topic that is discussed, and they give them questions to answer from the public that generally are ""taboo"" questions, or uncomfortable questions, or questions you're afraid to ask cuz it might cause some backlash etc... they have only 2 episodes from what I've seen surrounding mental health and the other one is about military PTSD. 

Now what irks me... is that this isn't the only time I notice people talking about PTSD regarding military, but they don't talk about other kinds of PTSD. I feel like that invalidates my own pain and suffering, I've been told several times ""you can't have PTSD unless you served in the military blah blah blah"" and such... again I don't mean to offend those who were have PTSD from serving in the military, I could never do that, and they do protect their country and are very brave (I personally think it's a bit silly that still in 2020 there are wars growing on and there still a lot of hate between people in general,  know what I mean? Like can'tthere be SOME peace, where we can actually focus on what matters, like global warming? Homeless people? Starvation?...)

But I hate how some people still to this day  are blind to the fact the ANYONE can have PTSD regardless of military service... yes there is more awareness and such, but sometimes I can't help but feel like sometimes the media and the public just don't take this seriously... does anyone agree or feels like this too? Even in class (I'm studying therapy dog training) when we talk about working with people who have PTSD they always focus on the military PTSD, and it just rubs me the wrong way.... I hope if you read this far you understand what I'm trying to say... I really hope I'm not offending anyone, or invalidating anyone, that's the LAST thing I'd wanna do...",7.205077270359439,7.574836659142214,6.877121896162532,76.10439268970309,63.89841986455982,9.704775134571976,31.485414134398326,9.466822959209583,2.7799255773571803,1892,64,334,32,26,594,216,443,0.098,0.7809999999999999,0.121,0.7886,1,0,2,0,0,0,86.0,2,5,8,2,26,24,6,1,19,1,33,7,0,4,5,73,59,25,1,8,16,0,5,9,0,1,7,1,0,1,33,18,0,2,16,1,1,2,9,11,0,4,4,9,37,13,41,52,13,36,0,1,3,0,36,18,0,17,21,223,70,4,0.0,0.0,0.055211036924825256,0.061677332751436414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707663572925472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779993511844776,0.0,0.0,0.050365567216272035,0.05289190197864686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235349648671599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812021254438045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517216863235035,0.0,0.0,0.03648751507040392,0.05832845157919419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059110972721899475,0.0,0.0,0.049510955445402335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561141295980882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309836331763945,0.03736860621660721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050847802093703036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582116534594579,0.12125596190075268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048124407615719234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029559172134785,0.05427385922213505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171624224964707,0.0,0.1202775114475728,0.0,0.0,0.03792240227899064,0.0,0.0,0.11238754781722453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810347661363922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058916288556083475,0.06218653126643331,0.046117844868616566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584412525442638,0.056705064818077834,0.049958569393424065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809978248479626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848869722439327,0.0,0.0,0.11403271343050593,0.06001930649433465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363570681892402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441334345461337,0.059368093962132565,0.0,0.07667614308695657,0.08605878801361741,0.060201967411632175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400919356929094,0.3922340095227788,0.04940089551089925,0.0,0.0,0.053483597110473284,0.0,0.0,0.05755919702110871,0.0,0.0,0.5952198669371028,0.0,0.2535169654125873,0.0,0.05659235795214983,0.0,0.03624470530229285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499233892858322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783191909057715,0.0,0.046801118260041984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04355577519267613,0.1119122930991617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554750941066554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04253889854408973,0.13642346279804834,0.0,0.0,0.06470078444003917,0.0,0.037587276318171464,0.07250457498525932,0.0,0.0,0.06598106263856339,0.0,0.0,0.05406179334643857,0.0,0.038412101369413636,0.0,0.0,0.058898701639747336,0.0,0.04886440359207332,0.0,0.04668198933242288,0.0,0.04490822678103018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04118876433630619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061858119717789935,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Playful-Airline,2020/02/07,"People joking to have PTSD Does anyone else find it annoying when people use the word PTSD as a joke?
Just a few seconds ago I saw a post in my feed about someone having PTSD from their exams. I am mildly annoyed by this. The person who posted this writes a lot about their struggle with anxiety and depression but then goes ahead and trivializes ptsd.",5.094179104477611,6.7392196119403,5.310626865671644,80.85489552238808,69.29850746268656,7.748059701492537,25.34029850746269,8.238735603445708,1.6290620895522392,282,8,50,4,5,89,54,67,0.17,0.785,0.045,-0.7543,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,1,4,6,2,1,6,0,3,1,0,1,0,10,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,5,2,9,4,2,7,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,1,4,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485744066029654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501194405184649,0.0,0.0,0.11426349111955172,0.1674378669369643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074900585232622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300547203083047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651217218728046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935824953277396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389294962486391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658261862954604,0.14268757929893494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130125863663934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7640930489713831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846090653621515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083672487154905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113799740534713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Daniel_128,2020/02/07,"Advice on triggers please! What do you do if your triggers are everywhere? I am a 19 year old male and I was physically and sexually abused as a child, and whenever I see little boys I get triggered because it reminds me of young me. If I see school buses of elementary schools I get triggered, if I see anything about sexual abuse I get triggered. I can’t escape it. I’m taking anxiety medication but that doesn’t stop the stabbing feeling whenever I come across a trigger. I don’t know what to do. I’m going to start treatment for PTSD soon so maybe that will help but I could use some advice until then. 

Thank you.",1.844355971896956,4.41972936065574,3.6708665105386413,84.2654098360656,83.2622950819672,6.436533957845433,25.92740046838407,7.7094869923839395,1.7493236533957846,490,21,93,9,14,164,80,122,0.078,0.818,0.10400000000000001,0.4482,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,7,0,21,27,12,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,17,1,10,24,1,13,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,4,8,60,23,2,0.0,0.3921140417390183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233942491552345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265854715130744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361691895235843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087007137781506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253930093082665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211576505408798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366751225217166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593565524429465,0.0,0.0940414353293382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091225729175393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093897197179264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584621123363158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623866064561615,0.0,0.0,0.1666954265984772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363481522100266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816383424623512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19342767528635305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349325846337705,0.3955787946481033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712178934017654,0.0,0.0,0.13834183132729105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441419785380417,0.0,0.0,0.1523441985087407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291450377379394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655841182994764
ptsd,amy_apple_,2020/02/07,PTSD after a traumatic labour. Is there anyone on here who has suffered with PTSD after a traumatic labour experience and would be willing to share their experience with me? An online questionnaire said I was at 'high risk' of PTSD but at this point I've been on a waiting list for the last 5 months to start therapy (and that's the shortlist) and discuss that I think I've got PTSD. I just want someone to talk to in the mean time who may understand where I'm coming from.,5.413225806451613,6.1258642473118305,5.680806451612908,81.94120967741938,67.81720430107526,9.210752688172043,29.478494623655912,9.2995712137729,2.3489655913978504,377,13,75,7,6,120,66,93,0.096,0.87,0.035,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,15,18,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,5,1,16,10,0,15,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,1,6,49,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221954735441264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824941216974782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139834105163685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835989552895305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695683215113976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308221783040033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482254080381418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281029655592859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171655781962182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7504249629700799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526643849085562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598411973531038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359687063714675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899717109403905,0.0,0.0,0.1835362771729103,0.0,0.0,0.10283661848899957,0.0,0.0,0.0935840168353544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670775481755607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466217896532804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400871834915766,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,manicinmke,2020/02/07,"How to get through a double shift at work with PTSD symptoms flaring?? Oh yeah, my job is working with traumatized/abused children btw.

Any ideas? I'm trying my best at mindfulness but it's not sticking. A distraction technique might be better.",3.217575757575758,6.356630454545456,3.0927272727272737,85.95075757575759,85.36363636363636,5.660606060606061,30.06060606060606,7.1686216300943375,2.2399969696969704,196,10,32,3,6,59,40,44,0.0,0.755,0.245,0.8851,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,1,3,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,1,0,8,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,19,3,3,0.0,0.32301644064906937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853945757742383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861034682834124,0.2411149531733331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424354847679643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077608179053813,0.0,0.0,0.2705385771183668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892123966454842,0.2752738704941516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186844261782755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833621082999016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850947061223713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969489800650591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,aliferestarted,2020/02/07,"a neighbor tried to talk to me today, and I completely shut him down He first came over complaining of construction, but in reality, there was a storm that caused the drain spouts to rattle. Then he tried to ask some questions about our place and his/my heritage, and if this was like a summer condo or living here..giving me many opportunities to followup and ask about his life, which in retrospect seemed kinda interesting how he got here...

but all I can think, the entire time, was how to get rid of him and be ready for any attack. Expecting someone..a fucking neighbor to be malicious. 

go figure why I have no friends either.",8.321045197740112,7.559551669491531,7.880000000000003,73.59536723163842,61.966101694915245,10.917514124293788,34.07344632768362,10.125756701596842,3.2358937853107346,499,17,91,9,6,158,85,118,0.066,0.7979999999999999,0.136,0.8693,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,2,6,7,2,0,5,0,7,2,0,3,1,22,16,12,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,5,0,9,4,16,9,3,14,0,0,0,1,15,6,1,6,7,59,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241878061331073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915753556050043,0.2382555192065964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395307799487137,0.0,0.2151410900679284,0.0,0.0,0.21958213536779164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814004904770805,0.0,0.0,0.1618041884040317,0.1936135712927781,0.10941791566448872,0.0,0.11902322585927215,0.0,0.16749936067919227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147925770558953,0.10231634379449396,0.0,0.1849294867827306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21232795440378965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880854438813716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346082107318916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065613399650388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683309541398172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419353280349247,0.0,0.0,0.12211963031846572,0.0,0.19851403543258825,0.0,0.0,0.2843768458040317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897693732931856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,KittyBoo86,2020/02/07,"Minipress substitute for day time?? I just started minipress for nightmares and it seems to be working pretty good even though I've only been on it like a week. I'm impressed! But I was wondering I have a lot of trouble during the day too with flashbacks, intrusive thoughts/memories, etc.
Is there something like minipress for the day time??",5.585161290322581,7.798273000000003,5.0427741935483885,80.99416129032262,69.0,7.540645161290323,36.593548387096774,8.238735603445708,3.2111832258064528,274,15,45,4,5,83,47,62,0.040999999999999995,0.726,0.23399999999999999,0.9145,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,4,7,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,9,30,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834609000693713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786852019893068,0.16504512992055276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095897065129569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24416007597854314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244128837284468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900470112021531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542204837773609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22748377451729646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237186781322504,0.0,0.0,0.1768682218384811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455084293901453,0.0,0.2914171588941468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044078464127305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709870685614984,0.18191754120418716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,anonymous_monkey2,2020/02/07,"Is this childhood trauma? I was 10-12 years old and my mum would threaten suicide in front of me and my younger siblings. When it was just us kids around.

She would also take a knife and cut herself in front of me. Nothing deep at all, but enough to leave slightly red marks on her wrist.

She did it on a few occasions.

I dont care how bad you feel, that's so fucked up to take it out on your kids. On top of that it's more ridiculous because she wasn't even serious about doing it, she was just threatening.

I was so young.

I think I blocked it out and grew up thinking I had a pretty ""normal"" family. Until about 23 when I remembered about it and realised how neglectful that was.

I think it's why I have so much trouble being able to comfort people now. If someone is upset in front of me I just freeze.",2.676729617687702,3.971842329341321,3.69305389221557,91.4656149239982,74.80838323353294,6.5755872869645335,25.421004145555052,7.010146845296331,0.8968888991248267,627,21,138,6,13,202,103,167,0.23,0.684,0.086,-0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,2,0,1,17,11,3,1,3,0,16,2,1,2,1,26,24,16,1,4,5,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,12,8,0,2,5,0,0,4,2,9,0,0,8,3,24,2,24,13,5,27,0,1,1,1,12,15,1,1,8,104,36,0,0.1843520530928702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147426270253806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411241215760172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392626394214462,0.11237930047152003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795920454845574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21605923324239545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048495125502216,0.0,0.1217627924022194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737907087433935,0.0,0.09321393720317453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704305024749511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520220589023468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135519970842353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806258703839647,0.17689076694497574,0.0,0.1934464683677176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278065015263726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875523137548808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088349388692361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620089634056472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016512245346083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772196020595036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543760554367887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217528212011156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634905378874373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619168183967473,0.0,0.0,0.11871667797232655
ptsd,AzuraBeth,2020/02/07,"I'm loving the beginning of persona 5! (Spoilers) I was concerned a bit before buying the game but now I'm just weirdly happy I did. The beginning of the game focuses on sexual assault which is one of my traumas so I didn't want to trigger myself. It was tiptoeing the line a bit but nothing explicit happens and it's usually implied. However, I've found this bit to be oddly empowering. Like you initially save a woman from assault and break the assailants nose and then need to defeat an abuser and it's like a weird power fantasy of me being able to protect myself from the past. I'm really enjoying the game even though I've barely started so please don't spoil anything from the time you enter the palace with Ann😊",3.2363976164680395,5.4653867676056365,5.123521126760561,77.7846966413868,75.69014084507046,8.031202600216687,29.2329360780065,8.841846274778883,2.794789165763813,579,26,100,13,13,198,92,142,0.17800000000000002,0.642,0.18,0.0832,3,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,6,12,2,0,15,0,8,2,1,1,1,14,19,10,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,1,4,1,1,2,6,0,1,5,1,9,6,13,12,3,11,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,10,64,14,0,0.19007627517321696,0.2252093045777342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641657891930855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174091039323302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6225421894964804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554358709986427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840882488475088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680838223991371,0.20233972937586453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572333385224335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715512594170806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409391495932029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238331241419176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880060327003778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144931223167587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864667130602235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217677290571542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453696588482228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867489752877245,0.0,0.11083500460641696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093421633294115,0.0,0.11211191180363984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Rookietookie43,2020/02/07,"My adult kids have given me ptsd One son overdosed on my prescription meds, had a seizure, one son did the same trying to hurt himself, and was in icu for a week, followed by inpatient care. Now I can't sleep until they are asleep. I'm woking on getting counseling. What do I do in meantime?",2.885172413793104,4.762465448275865,3.785724137931037,88.58168965517244,75.55172413793103,6.708965517241379,27.11724137931035,7.554174236665415,1.4845200000000005,228,9,46,3,5,73,49,58,0.06,0.883,0.057,-0.0516,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,8,2,2,0,0,2,14,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,5,0,7,1,8,9,1,8,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398313464093431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741405067395022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568148155266516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37023182119690895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517184158983995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896210804146058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335503075829777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22629533624614384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673608524884781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,StannisTheMantis93,2020/02/07,"It's 3:45 am, i'm afraid to sleep now. I seem to be reliving my trauma every single night in my dreams. I feel incredibly hopeless and i don't know what to do. It's impacting every aspect of my life. My work performance is falling off a cliff, my interactions with others, the way i treat myself, and my health are all disastrous.

Every. Single. Night. It comes back. It feels so very real. I can even smell the same smells imprinted in my brain. During the day i have images from the past jump into my brain out of nowhere as if i'm experiencing them again for the first time.

I suffer from Bi-Polar disorder and have been dealing with it for years now. Over the past 3 years i experienced a prolonged trauma. A ""resolution"" seemingly came last month and things should be getting better, but they aren't. I'm starting to think this isn't my usual depressive episodes.

Is it possible this is PTSD i'm experiencing? I'm sorry if i'm in the wrong place but i don't know what else to do. I don't have anyone left in my life to turn to.",1.9094963369963367,4.166052403846159,3.703626373626373,86.15089743589745,80.25,6.846520146520146,20.96245421245421,7.957251820313856,0.9852588827838832,812,23,167,15,21,272,118,208,0.1,0.857,0.043,-0.8389,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,2,4,6,9,0,1,10,0,20,6,3,0,1,25,38,10,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,12,10,0,0,7,1,0,4,5,7,0,1,2,7,23,2,24,33,4,32,0,3,0,0,4,10,0,4,17,108,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399731510641472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336917871241258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889333837675214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001390193003383,0.0,0.1537533071636373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580044533556398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669690537231478,0.13859250862432226,0.1157852654805846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406962866150894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229989158587234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879043998489056,0.0,0.33979187012276596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594475510472878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434698156638615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023467464168559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289391875915833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775957765925166,0.10957924717084004,0.0,0.0,0.1460597280287771,0.0,0.18990525094969596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730158072829643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523088656691983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566592948342433,0.0,0.0,0.14045183396697855,0.0,0.0,0.1515508090596947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571427023432129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530119644120431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447619561817693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452813345012754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048455327224608,0.09515098836265844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893100155456403,0.08613798808206073,0.0,0.0,0.07838782571110534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622237841479482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480568081476092,0.11091969414566306,0.0,0.10670510940964238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786740470478908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697924869190565,0.0,0.17313837606298696
ptsd,extratalllesbian,2020/02/07,"Alone, early 20’s, no one to emotionally support me. I feel like dying tonight I can’t live like this anymore it’s so overwhelming just the thought of work tomorrow seems impossible. I won’t hurt myself because my body is made of lead and moving is impossible.

I’ve been dealing wit this for almost two years and just got diagnosed and it’s gotten a million times worse. The constant alertness is draining me every day by 10am. I can’t eat, I’m remembering what happened to me, the way it sounded. I have nowhere to turn to right now. I just need a hug but that’s impossible and it might be months before that happens.

Im sorry if I broke sub rules by posting this. I’m having trouble reading",0.9662400605831144,3.5473922805755445,2.8833017796289333,87.42098447557743,90.22302158273381,5.228474062854978,25.30140098447557,6.8360192770164,1.2774086330935248,553,25,107,8,19,184,96,139,0.12300000000000001,0.82,0.057,-0.8248,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,0,1,5,0,11,4,1,2,0,18,24,7,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,4,1,0,4,1,0,2,4,4,0,3,5,2,12,4,9,16,0,14,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,4,11,62,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592008972761674,0.16466091095247815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767078086655326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691601479738284,0.0,0.13528485245963964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765969215906774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718067201497137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253242052816824,0.16390695048799964,0.0,0.16136681874330774,0.1650017286498249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626817391808612,0.0,0.17883715881657364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395204350091156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038778742527067,0.11357919051823852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271551356483085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811805010721753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019714241807096,0.0,0.17173149738671553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534445649790504,0.0,0.14038700734068724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504358150053158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686583687985309,0.0,0.0,0.12690061717109632,0.16897630320705212,0.0,0.11788564817736592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773261117261937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226405081825808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590284082934732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009944839255024,0.1357726497589081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473432305774242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797112172392074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804147303712587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262166365250716,0.09270565628131852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293044463202156,0.15530561926501468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261951981274224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157432534886792,0.0,0.1620196893991185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238137513569902
ptsd,Caitie_Bee,2020/02/07,Hello! I’m new to this community! I’m nervous to share about my experiences with ptsd. 8 years ago I had a seizure in a movie theatre and have had ptsd since. Do you or anyone you know experience ptsd from seizure episodes or epilepsy? Just want to know if I’m the only one.,1.4038095238095245,3.708555571428569,3.010714285714286,90.10095238095242,82.57142857142857,5.8761904761904775,25.404761904761905,7.1686216300943375,1.0621404761904758,216,9,47,3,6,71,41,56,0.04,0.8809999999999999,0.078,0.2462,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,10,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,4,1,7,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888804506959346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898882378685585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168615907323012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342037711797593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579168982601687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438690746027538,0.16205512902460256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.747228993582356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626000628609095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567869888659375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721499902836246
ptsd,Copper4life69,2020/02/07,"A question that needs answering Right so first off, i am not gonna discuss my exact age all you need to know is that i am under 16. 

So long story short, i found some f\*cked website which had some f\*cked things on it, which i regret looking at everyday.

Now i won't specify unless you want me to but lets briefly discuss what f\*cked shit i saw. g\*re, g\*re and g\*re.

No i didn't stumble across this website nor did i look for it. I was modding my GTA 5 when a mod description linked the website and reffered it similar to the game. Out of interest and the website having a normal name i decided to go on it where i was greeted with f\*cked shit. Not expecting what i saw.

Now i have anxiety already so this just made it worse.

Thinking about what i saw makes me shake up and my legs feel frozen. But thats about it. 

Now the most f\*cked thing is, when i think of it i have some major temptation / some voice telling me to go back on the website. Once i was searching up a song and in my search recommended the website came up, i panicked but had the wildest temptation, i didn't want to but my brain did. I avoided it. Now at a young age this is double f\*cked. 

Now the question is: Number 1, who tf do i speak to about this, no way am i speaking to parents unless i can word it 100 percent correctly. Number 2, is not telling anyone for 6 months a terrible idea. 3 is the mix of anxiety and ptsd deadly. \[ worries speaking \]

Just to clear up the temptation bit, no i don't want to go back, i virtually wiped my chrome clean so that'd never happen again, but it'd be nice if someone explained this scarely odd temptation which i avoid. 

So yeah.",2.1548085891954933,4.1943853222891585,3.3012320248736917,90.4694966964633,78.30722891566266,6.452545666537117,27.57714729887291,7.4822170145007005,1.4931279440342011,1285,56,270,18,31,414,169,332,0.151,0.763,0.086,-0.9784,1,2,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,2,0,1,21,10,2,4,16,1,29,4,4,2,5,58,53,22,1,9,13,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,28,9,0,2,12,2,0,5,12,8,0,1,15,11,37,2,35,32,10,41,0,1,5,0,16,17,2,8,18,189,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786249587273034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050056288740206,0.0,0.0,0.09368968314175567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060617495132802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462835630911778,0.0,0.0,0.1495783660676441,0.0,0.15325010734455707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677499193254958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397274974335725,0.0,0.14691431037844085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284506668829916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848787529605415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125962722841285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736379969809914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370149641391432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857789511537872,0.22503753231634469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678560583285065,0.0894400907090152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695040690962836,0.0,0.0,0.19870538571732385,0.1033421862116236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128281578684686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269613414633175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878124480290875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662840979986795,0.0,0.30020136440314643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442765577204027,0.0,0.0,0.13414845253917054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27507984961541593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135302127897135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23422823102694754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780354481058,0.17171215583637142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370942432540747,0.10635588770677053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607445244177346,0.13654836434124193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,perpetualoutcast,2020/02/07,"Has anyone been able to find a therapist/psychologist that has really helped with treating your PTSD? If so, how many tries did it take & what helped you realize the professional was a good fit for you? 

I have been living with my PTSD for a little over 4 years. In the first two years I was in and out of mental health facilities. Each time I was given a new mental health professional to assist me but each time I realized he/she wasn’t a good fit for me.

I haven’t been to a therapist in over 2 years but I’m just about tired of ‘managing’ my PTSD by myself and I think it’s time to try professional help again. The thing is, I have no idea where to start. I’m also really anxious about having to recount the details of events that caused my PTSD. 

Does anyone have any helpful advice?",3.110667634252536,4.781791484276732,4.3938364779874215,85.34529753265605,74.40880503144653,7.911175616835995,21.664731494920176,8.617729084823388,1.1803619738751814,622,15,130,12,13,205,92,159,0.061,0.82,0.11900000000000001,0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,1,8,3,0,0,10,0,16,3,0,2,0,18,22,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,9,0,16,3,23,13,2,21,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,11,87,22,4,0.11457759265438712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196389747064277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162765944996933,0.0,0.12414477377101585,0.0,0.07791669203805147,0.0,0.0,0.12944006648433673,0.0,0.16023063369134166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770274950652655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026762345662564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472184393800182,0.09745964177983137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19220449724287275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435812462036644,0.0,0.0,0.3071957806569544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934415567429214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148368484533166,0.10117411347263164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616369528727233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23093452891644856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065975296377824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5357402974312097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468026795626759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109860980840816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614809031875527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26606683227785155,0.07612026135885311,0.07341669493251265,0.0,0.0,0.20043334705609644,0.1316900877114406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558132868323613,0.0,0.1119256592479693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135263928646776
ptsd,---GLUME---,2020/02/07,"Terrified of loss & failure Those two things are my kryptonite. When faced with either I either break down emotionally or I freeze up, either way the aftermath is I end up feeling alone and worthless.

I have recently begun looking for a new job and this is now ever present and definitely interfering with my confidence. 

Anyone else ever have issues like this and what is your coping strategy?",8.918714285714287,9.471811014285716,8.597857142857144,64.58964285714289,60.28571428571429,11.571428571428573,37.5,11.20814326018867,4.614142857142858,321,14,48,8,4,103,54,70,0.18,0.682,0.139,-0.6486,1,1,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,1,0,2,13,8,6,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,7,1,7,8,3,15,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,1,11,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510981268964897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626871987439473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952198243553035,0.2484117968024684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025302555437888,0.2727160644173265,0.2147327901339698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386076640775677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258660984612307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25304780150816586,0.2405875514260052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844554310049545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359129907049656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23415323607073066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393834960343608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610685461548015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23683186172338894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924401953677536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Water_Me8_,2020/02/07,"I have an unusual situation and need advice Please remove if not aloud. I am just not sure where else to post this. I had a dream last night that I am convinced is a real situation that happened to me when I was little. 
For context I'll add that i have been diagnosed with complex PTSD that has caused ALOT of lapses in memories and black outs. I do not remember a whole lot from my childhood but things comeback periodically and often times I cannot pinpoint who is my abuser in these memories. Most of the time it is my father. Who was prone to cruel and unusual punishment but never sexual abuse. 

When I had this dream my surroundings and everything felt familiar however the situation seemed exaggerated to say the least. The next paragraph is brief over view of what happened that may be triggering. So TRIGGER WARNING.

In the dream a man who I believe to recognize an old family friend who lived with my grandpa kidnapped me. I was very young in the dream. He admitted to being a serial killer and serial rapist of children. He was a giant narcasist who hated girls and woman. He said that he would probably kill me. When I pretended to like him he said that made him want to kill me more. I remember the thoughts and feelings through this being very real and intense. I remember trying to find humanity in him and failing and how that made me feel. I remember him saying he liked little girls because of there little legs. I tried to escape several times and when I finally succeeded I finally saw where I was and it was a par i used to play at in familiar neighborhood. He just watched me run away. He turned into this monster and started laughing ominously at me. 

The whole thing is really making me think something less exaggerated like this happened when I was young and left to sleep at my grandpas because that family friend actually committed suicide and left a note that says ""they are going to frame me for something I did not do."" And that was it. Nobody knew what it meant

Am I making something of this ? If not wouldnt my entire family know and they are just not telling me? I think I'm paranoid and maybe in a bad place and not thinking clearly....",5.191229773462784,6.705905048543691,6.062601941747578,76.05731715210358,68.90291262135922,9.668090614886733,31.20906148867314,9.968508380846988,3.2469172168284786,1728,72,310,43,30,569,204,412,0.157,0.722,0.121,-0.9837,1,0,3,0,2,3,32.0,0,0,2,2,14,18,6,0,20,0,34,4,2,9,4,81,64,31,3,6,14,3,3,3,2,3,1,5,0,6,31,25,0,0,18,6,0,4,10,8,0,0,21,12,47,10,39,37,8,49,0,1,4,1,37,24,0,8,23,224,78,2,0.0,0.186477382839793,0.07679330828488075,0.0,0.0,0.07689818112666072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393494493729416,0.0,0.06570561773417175,0.09594140946330884,0.0,0.0,0.08866040028109605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083969525115972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987204211404135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573815370143461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072446306536563,0.0,0.2225551166252472,0.0,0.07957939299651844,0.0,0.07555790790125615,0.1724093253502485,0.07192424973571378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159649536788375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472321537106435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876467353870515,0.0,0.0,0.07769334094545917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412495216226226,0.0,0.04324777918238405,0.06414554182802439,0.0,0.0,0.17100099946941372,0.0,0.0,0.11533671297679444,0.2366140775340589,0.06948762484074583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690222880291173,0.0,0.14892300468138253,0.10505677643661,0.0,0.07905799605263736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583500841696684,0.060693123560365214,0.0,0.08369121635774303,0.07384833038290745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257537977646383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221774855329562,0.08638161126675824,0.0,0.0,0.07536642770876223,0.0,0.0848446861808675,0.0,0.0919882554988726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914040508197165,0.050412942465895116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565766701916087,0.0,0.1497106960724218,0.18774020990612653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163942399462278,0.0,0.08890102883538349,0.0,0.0,0.2653636959533035,0.07875013046783874,0.0,0.0,0.1817458387810596,0.0,0.0,0.05569952214107712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607769678525211,0.0,0.07416750311267797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878141196825832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456066245669317,0.15127046571743666,0.0,0.062473689365219985,0.13766008663447854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068551690615004,0.08559571208019212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796574413757576,0.0,0.12986042638675224,0.04641534668717991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571651630949128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055901461865518816,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jermytheorangeworm,2020/02/07,"wishing they weren’t awful It’s so long ago that it doesn’t even feel real anymore but I really wish they hadn’t been so awful. Definitely mentally unstable in which I have some remorse but they definitely did wrk g doings and that’s no excuse. They had lots of positive traits and I really really wish the good out weighed the bad. It sucks sometimes looking back and seeing things better than they were and feeling the need to give excuses because I can’t help but want think  everyone is good. I hate that you’re horrible, I hate that you do awful things. Why can’t you solely be the best parts I try to see. I want to forget you exist",2.296280048076923,4.667705539062503,3.921875000000004,84.48177884615386,79.546875,7.375961538461539,22.346153846153847,8.384062270229773,1.5262769230769226,511,16,99,11,13,170,80,128,0.247,0.473,0.28,0.5772,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,5,2,4,8,3,0,4,3,14,1,0,0,0,21,30,9,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,5,16,4,7,23,4,5,0,0,3,0,12,2,1,2,3,67,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074368148974547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627346395757568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341304420902827,0.12315052831855668,0.08991038871923326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478484677111312,0.1304456087340702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097417762439243,0.0,0.0,0.14093592120442128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915382624421242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148876449165335,0.0,0.2474203298045611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912376845150943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886147625967127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052669981400164,0.12385700723966425,0.0,0.0,0.12539330892680475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486382944400314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936422091028827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972059014506318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787937081954865,0.2834634562246497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506571513288396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587438878466835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597564511113647,0.0945075850665961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013809303742896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399043380859647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330895282891797,0.0,0.5088291539105169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kmoneyg8,2020/02/08,"Trauma Bonds / Stockholm Syndrome DAE struggle with Stockholm syndrome or a trauma bond with your abuser? 

I was raped multiple times by the same person throughout a summer about 2 years ago. My abuser victimized me, and then tried to rescue me once I felt so low and taken advantage of. 
My therapist said I created a connection with him when he would tell me what I needed to hear. 

I am happily married and feel BESIDE myself when I have thoughts of missing my abuser. (Having a particularly hard time with it today) It makes me so sick that I have these feelings. 

DAE struggle with this? How do you deal with it?",5.0241228070175445,6.9816689561403535,5.4973684210526335,78.2099122807018,69.96491228070175,7.873684210526315,29.333333333333336,8.515128840125781,2.4103228070175438,487,19,82,8,9,156,79,114,0.293,0.626,0.08,-0.9816,0,0,0,0,3,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,6,9,2,2,5,0,7,2,0,2,0,19,17,10,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,7,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,5,6,18,1,12,11,1,10,0,2,0,1,9,1,0,1,9,60,25,0,0.0,0.6182926701668937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419262665334962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793306798625498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759046401473424,0.0,0.16701543074396125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582144240363527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196049775052035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611030040735655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897874904476472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524680455214465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518829308499661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546247167265798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636922372330672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203646403324428,0.0,0.0,0.20196470365833288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809368773328862,0.20285861360406304,0.0,0.1648804614941314,0.0,0.0,0.11809791048839105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356624199929088,0.0,0.0,0.11201551583800518
ptsd,just_wanna_be_free,2020/02/08,"I don't know if I have PTSD or not, but things seem to indicate I do. Help please! I've been sexually assaulted several times in my life and raped too, lately I've been having really intense flashbacks, a few panic attacks triggered by those flashbacks and waking up at night sweating and terrified by feeling my rapist's presence, smell him on me or feel like he's touching me, etc... So basically flashbacks waking me up in the middle of the night! I'm feeling horrible, disgusted, dirty, but I don't know how to deal with this.
Help please! Is this PTSD? How can I deal with those flashbacks?",4.363070175438594,6.1564267105263175,5.083333333333336,81.17833333333336,71.36842105263158,8.224561403508767,30.21052631578948,8.841846274778883,2.550410526315789,471,20,87,9,9,152,74,114,0.26899999999999996,0.583,0.14800000000000002,-0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,5,1,3,0,9,6,3,3,0,20,16,11,0,1,6,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,5,11,1,13,14,2,11,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,4,5,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774601664405486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35840279526652563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385590717319368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636667417037113,0.1241774654602774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330165573066576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910545028231898,0.0,0.19607719855934647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277462442190296,0.08491996110025338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32623770081068193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203941012652156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816056247428976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063739399378993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135392199050624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823973846277214,0.0,0.1963677925863609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547867750781494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013561848637862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,realsheeps,2020/02/08,"Being interrupted I can't tell if i'm being oversensitive to this or not, now that I've picked up on it being very triggering.

It seems like whenever I start telling a story, even if I'm really, really into it, I get interrupted by the person I'm talking to about something completely unrelated, as if I wasn't even talking in the first place. I talk quietly, usually, but once I start in on a story, I become more animated and try to be engaging. It still happens literally almost every time. Nobody cares when I open my mouth.

This has happened throughout my childhood dealing with parents that were not abusive but were very narcissistic, and continued throughout school, because I learned from my parents that I was uninteresting. I got into a very abusive relationship after high school and he absolutely never let me tell stories because he just hated to hear me talk for a long time, it made him mad, so I stopped talking.

Now, two-ish years after the relationship, I've worked on myself a lot and have gotten over a lot of things, and feel much more confident and capable as a person, but I still cannot seem to get people interested in me. It physically hurts every time they interrupt me, because even though 100% of the time, it's not malicious and it's just them being excited about something else, but my brain takes it as them possibly being mad that I'm still talking, them being totally uninterested in what I have to say, or whatever. It's humiliating and anxiety-provoking on a really deep level and I have to drag myself out of the mental pit I fall in in order to not dissociate for the next few hours.

Is this something that happens to anyone else? Do you have advice?",9.880694133452751,7.765644523510975,10.386083743842367,61.18336206896554,59.877742946708466,13.628392297357815,40.967532467532465,12.28987398476788,5.108721271831616,1349,58,231,36,14,462,164,319,0.102,0.797,0.10099999999999999,0.3099,2,0,3,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,4,2,15,9,3,0,14,0,21,2,2,3,2,42,42,24,0,3,15,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,20,14,0,1,4,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,7,4,32,5,39,27,7,46,0,1,0,0,26,20,0,10,25,170,52,4,0.0,0.19929987848497802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218582822682606,0.0,0.0,0.08421838923238173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880773907805844,0.08617487785589632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380775102476385,0.09288668163527768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388830475730316,0.0,0.0,0.08575002221554735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818184386340434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670792432875031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051683743093515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665045234577489,0.0,0.14172313763361574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04252570234681023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153914395008812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788213612026252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726595697729565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311968043848712,0.0,0.0,0.08303566456005483,0.0,0.0,0.09479175048524613,0.0,0.0,0.0888608967192959,0.0,0.0,0.0828258742526366,0.0,0.09003547989770021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600242834307524,0.0,0.04108915253077496,0.0,0.0,0.07442973102833249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430050751221633,0.0,0.0795815993463304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475743500330866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061826397586111574,0.0,0.06486648389336633,0.0,0.08944596388232269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956842144111289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677592517502534,0.0,0.0,0.05830738841178967,0.14687340375959726,0.08787117797581849,0.0,0.0,0.09481505324020653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616382612387092,0.0,0.0,0.18059326111735868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688317988171384,0.0,0.17023624841927648,0.0,0.15313094037927868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424298557072012,0.0,0.0,0.11905902823534427,0.0,0.2014976031546649,0.07031502888965492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323602797823963,0.4055994962560835,0.220532809478714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055875213939030215,0.0,0.08263212781510756,0.0,0.19616776483865392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710135429062965,0.0,0.08215775989344955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262909405888517,0.2081847686144511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122899141970513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416046422381297
ptsd,meltedplasticarmyguy,2020/02/08,"PTSD and Depression I know I should see a mental health professional about this and I plan to, I am just doing some personal research.  I am a combat veteran of Iraq with multiple tours.  The VA has told me that I was borderline PTSD a number of years ago... is it possible to ""cross the line"" later in life?  For the past year or so I have been in a perpetual depressive state.  I am finding myself far more hostile toward others lately driving them away, then sinking even lower in my self-made isolation.  When I drink I tend to have a few too many more often than not and usually alone.  When I go out on the town hoping to start up my social life again I instead keep to myself.  I am filled with an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness and my life has no meaning.  I know PTSD and depression can co-exist, but can they feed off each other and thus worsening the respective conditions?",4.964333333333332,6.218071217647058,5.89970588235294,77.9970098039216,69.17647058823529,9.666666666666666,28.87254901960784,9.928628108626363,2.8546666666666667,697,25,129,17,12,230,118,170,0.11900000000000001,0.8240000000000001,0.057,-0.8476,1,2,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,1,10,8,1,1,11,0,15,6,0,1,0,25,26,12,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,10,2,1,5,1,0,4,2,6,0,0,3,2,22,2,22,22,5,28,0,5,1,0,5,11,0,4,12,100,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844854329992228,0.0,0.0,0.15007671507697995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614196168492151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37441648886453255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195063324746132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957076436450207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326775370854711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243951774145502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235221218650936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402604444768278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392224470829146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879722314584513,0.0,0.0,0.1592707616513322,0.0,0.16345788398354386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070496793456248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690978695925005,0.0,0.1578428012679902,0.0,0.0,0.14602902550900276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832714610017788,0.0,0.12652447554227564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335734826934153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5081546310561956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546962860664747,0.0,0.15116634529447368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771125366592347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025637094290163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384618634802662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595911478287743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866266908952559
ptsd,underairpressure,2020/02/08,"Owing your life to someone who traumatized you This is something I'm reminded of/I think about somewhat often, and it kills me.

I was homeless for a year following the sudden death of my mom. Homeless, a teenager, no money, almost no possessions or documentation, unable to drive, already severely traumatized and depressed........ if I had been left in the streets in at any point, I would *without question* have died. There would've been no hope for me at all. No chance.

But during that year, I was ""lucky"" in that, during the times I wasn't in the hospital or in a homeless shelter, I was given temporary shelter by some (then) friends/their parents. They gave me a roof over my head when I otherwise would've been in a gutter. They ""saved my life"".

And it eats away my soul. Because all of them were **horrific** to me. They didn't shelter me out of kindness, I was sheltered to use as a prop in arguements, or as ""proof"" they were ""good christians"" despite being horrifyingly abusive, or as a punching bag for mental/verbal/emotional torment. Those ""homes"" I stayed in were hell, absolute hell on earth, the *worst* of my PTSD is from those places, and from those people who sheltered me. The feelings of shock, horror, and betrayal haunt me.

......but if they hadn't taken me in, hadn't sheltered me, **I would be dead**. I literally owe them all my life. 

I feel like I have to be grateful. I feel sick and selfish for hating them so much, for speaking ill of them, I feel like I'm not allowed to. I feel like I'm horrible and ungrateful. I've been told by so many people that ""well, you were under their roof, and they didn't HAVE to let you in, so...."", and ""well, it's better than being on the streets, it couldn't've been that bad"".....

.....and ""well, at least they saved your life, right?""

That's right. They saved my life. But whenever I'm reminded of those places, reminded of them..... I wish that they hadn't.",1.7542740046838396,4.307273193989072,2.8326151444184227,90.27524590163937,83.45355191256829,5.8900858704137375,23.741608118657297,7.2636822038024595,1.0764001561280248,1463,55,293,22,42,466,168,366,0.175,0.7190000000000001,0.106,-0.9819,3,0,1,0,0,1,120.0,0,5,15,1,10,23,4,0,14,0,32,9,1,2,4,47,53,27,4,6,11,2,5,3,0,2,7,1,1,0,17,11,1,0,7,0,3,2,12,9,3,0,24,6,53,14,49,22,8,36,4,1,0,0,28,27,2,13,9,207,70,0,0.0,0.12550908203657735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607304734460354,0.0,0.11689578729872732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203566163143024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952420961931796,0.0,0.08844666994867728,0.06457361234729701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936859943638431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912368840620526,0.0,0.10993804981295424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839227741474046,0.0,0.11915637875594187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678055754515261,0.2270280706829864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884860076365349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458340581492294,0.1087141811097239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062558799643884,0.10521184999802463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719524680547445,0.11030922614458856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509266241248148,0.10832004431020754,0.37410553259425255,0.15525534250199302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739584072029068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675197540415918,0.0,0.0,0.12406329700752255,0.0,0.0,0.07787033756015273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762212347267845,0.0,0.0,0.1468762921712566,0.0,0.2213474683287168,0.0,0.10013757406102043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382586381243375,0.0,0.11866523229211175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809263509488386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967013212344653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975368316296052,0.08154966942729568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129067042845271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787531728982624,0.0,0.0,0.06176831686307928,0.0,0.0,0.10122013341620337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148903772387898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28572990401410603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218136450587651,0.10211221417219504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009969812487868,0.0,0.0,0.13643019150998667
ptsd,TheBookyWookie,2020/02/08,"Trying to make it through the day Y’all, today has been rough and I could use a little support. This morning, I scheduled my first ever appointment with a therapist. I’ve considered it for a while and finally caved and that was the kickstart of my anxiety for the day. I almost had an anxiety attack while on the phone with the scheduler but powered through. Then my (abusive) mom calls and tells me my grandpa had an aneurysm and stroke today and has checked himself out of the hospital against medical advice. Well that ratcheted my stress up to an ungodly amount. I went to take a nap before work and dreamt that I was raped by my husband. I’ve been raped multiple times in my life and it’s one of my biggest stressors. I don’t remember much just a point where I tried to crawl away and he dragged me back by my ankle which is something that happened to me in the past by an abuser. My husband is the one that I normally talk to but I’m very uncomfortable with him at the moment which I know is unfair to him. He’s been wonderfully supportive and caring with all of my issues. Long story short, I just really need some support to boost me into talking to my husband. I’m now two hours into a twelve hour shift and I’m on the verge of a panic attack because all I have to do at the moment is dwell.",4.089066801619435,5.3529193115384635,4.950688259109313,83.94168016194334,71.26923076923076,7.935222672064778,29.45344129554656,8.371475516178862,2.0959230769230768,1031,41,203,16,19,335,142,260,0.168,0.7440000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9776,1,0,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,1,0,3,7,12,4,3,22,0,17,5,0,2,3,35,32,16,0,3,4,5,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,11,18,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,7,1,4,8,2,31,5,38,23,5,39,0,0,0,2,16,17,0,3,21,150,42,1,0.0,0.27361243258116297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283029651487933,0.0,0.0,0.11562073454889757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766596199234214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627144315747708,0.10848243271639564,0.0887848556883808,0.0,0.07038591498003265,0.0,0.09825154432131684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790187522526935,0.0,0.11772346451306602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218878186165544,0.0,0.0,0.14892973569085488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444399472314847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648540587167706,0.0,0.09821380399101934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021046257622407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274179904894779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051464399741622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345611401030435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155579114613717,0.0,0.11572547896717647,0.0,0.10218219859355658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707326143849738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116318051170738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523029543939627,0.0,0.0,0.0848794849744035,0.08561525386000693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313041728055677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648308334646202,0.0,0.0,0.13547238048829008,0.0,0.0,0.11022366017020292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915100639341484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396933403724451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079844945142274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888999531400181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226387045489826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930822753991279,0.0,0.0,0.08681472148113104,0.18561152782754298,0.10092081494499787,0.0,0.0,0.13406285533493548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732811346841744,0.0,0.21889315366945933,0.0,0.0,0.15678524813867986,0.0,0.1127917623971868,0.0,0.0,0.0997240110434599,0.0,0.09527007141191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381619777350427,0.1070364859408487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521601795733406,0.08405932514454298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Burgle-your-turts,2020/02/08,"Dae have a hard time showering? I know part of depression is having a hard time with self care, but I think its related to PTSD. 

Its a super vulnerable place to be -you cant hear or see as well, its slippery and youre naked. 

Plus its hard to be alone with my thoughts like that. All the jokes about fake arguments in the shower and fake scenarios playing out in your head, that shit is really real to us.

When I shower Im trying to take care of my body but it just reminds me of what my body has been through. 

Does anyone else have this issue? What helps you get through it?",3.0475047080979247,4.315870398305087,4.023333333333333,89.56959510357817,73.83050847457628,7.617325800376648,23.280602636534837,8.167268648758528,1.0405676082862527,449,12,99,7,9,145,82,118,0.196,0.627,0.177,-0.1877,3,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,4,0,1,4,11,1,0,5,0,10,4,4,0,1,15,19,8,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,11,6,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,5,12,7,18,15,2,7,0,1,1,0,8,4,1,1,4,66,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622020903893652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095062725391309,0.1604667992419894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479197299789211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193513455944369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488909575106836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705161676191413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082865739511065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182294796720993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208789287625381,0.0,0.16072839111027645,0.0,0.1765123336797624,0.0,0.10497326292890184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916709436801428,0.16346152351019969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606948274587825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765123775539904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959479201401148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636254907025435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307024589851345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782579625565232,0.10032921837301437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247989411740179,0.0,0.16337975675112054,0.0,0.1607592638371495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775221803520895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100350206686306,0.0,0.1243318901119756,0.18264263391677216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632880235377357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883841283805876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081238005778815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BillyMan2021,2020/02/08,"How do you deal with unavoidable triggers in the work place? I work in theater, running 5 shows a week, and there's about 4 or 5 scenes in our current show that set me off EVERY show. 2 of the scenes are particularly bad but all are bad, nonetheless. The worst part for me is that because I'm at work and I've got people around me, I have to maintain myself because I dont want people seeing me like that. Which sometimes only makes it worse. I at least know when they're coming and I'll try not to pay attention or I'll distract myself but I'm the goddam audio guy! It's my job to listen and my ears are trained to listen so no matter how hard I fight to not hear it... I hear it.

Some days are worse than others and sometimes these episodes involve really intense shaking and spasms and well.. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. Being like that at work is not good for me and the level of which I'm having to repress certain emotions just to maintain myself at work isnt helping either. I've talked to my therapist but she didnt have much of a suggestion as it is my job to listen and I can only distract myself but so much outside of the show.

I was just curious if anybody else has had triggers in the work place that you couldnt avoid and how you dealt with them. This is becoming quite an issue for me.",2.6567446524064167,4.158187816176472,3.895053475935829,89.1579679144385,75.25,6.268983957219253,24.49598930481284,6.782984794422108,0.7972367647058821,1034,33,217,9,22,338,142,272,0.19,0.7440000000000001,0.066,-0.9902,3,2,0,0,1,0,21.0,1,3,1,7,13,16,2,5,10,0,22,1,1,6,3,46,37,24,0,3,15,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,0,1,16,14,0,2,2,4,1,3,9,10,1,0,4,9,28,6,32,31,8,21,0,0,1,0,18,13,1,4,6,149,44,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426499002278062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256817297903176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924039194655477,0.14047127061853426,0.1272488880363313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992498391313449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430587927752172,0.11878438071558145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503427630837178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624959681344404,0.12960439502848348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707587436328607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966391331402084,0.09215011320643117,0.0,0.0,0.11408362905674098,0.0,0.0,0.10321242049777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25971742411096793,0.0,0.07722798990885349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202573354005543,0.2286715608086527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332063002996208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257908836546393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769087037374703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693965206985467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525649254466755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476953198190165,0.0,0.15975488001252516,0.0,0.2407559295049423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254819730624507,0.0,0.0,0.07381140347444633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181358281823088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227906485948726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859131066681182,0.0,0.0,0.0926076160364574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377662020156633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822524942145863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795837961752489,0.0,0.09242068227467236,0.0,0.10359454172163717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5032791097653633,0.0,0.2348333418650748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,takemetotheclouds123,2020/02/08,"Talking about it in therapy I’ve tried recording myself. Writing. Drawing. Talking during session. But I never show my therapist. I don’t answer when she asks. I’ve gotten as far as telling her I how old I was and that it was sexual in nature. It’s been 7 months since I started therapy, and maybe a year since the “trauma” (I don’t know if it counts. I have another post if you’re interested) happened. I don’t remember the exact dates.

I can’t say anything because it’s *my fault*. How the hell am I supposed to do this?

I’m tired of the symptoms, but I can’t even get help, and honestly, I think my therapist is getting goddamn tired of it. I know I am. 

Any advice? 

Thank you for reading!",-0.000319148936171132,2.354192709219859,2.5580815602836893,89.27925,93.53900709219856,5.373191489361703,24.07127659574468,6.961326702584282,1.241845106382978,536,24,108,9,20,184,88,141,0.115,0.804,0.081,-0.5426,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,5,0,13,3,0,2,2,17,24,12,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,1,21,3,9,20,0,11,1,0,0,0,10,3,1,2,7,68,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520727518524271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582880768840176,0.163184024156455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280642647323401,0.0,0.14548626531340514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948661849989288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027873597855549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261292934340274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761668537739347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104310650078537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105238889690874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563439712034312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242165956802896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002585995033553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329989934589514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904357802794468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566486542801194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629024083514094,0.0,0.0,0.12375745839272552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574654967368489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015058464005847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175162590499778,0.0,0.25016734586481826,0.13602114433734094,0.14327652119043024,0.3559363584553701,0.3613800186954029,0.0,0.09971677551886536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577309200980122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565763305944356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021594980327478
ptsd,Dreamstrider456,2020/02/08,"EMDR and doctors visits My therapist has recommended me EMDR treatment which I decided to put back until I was in a slightly more stable mental state to directly address my trauma in this manner and not break down as I have done before. However, I have recently been suffering with many flashbacks, emotional instability and medical issues due to subconscious stress of trauma and not being able to keep up with other people in my college due to CPTSD as as much as the school attempt to provide support and understanding, they are unable to realise the true extent of how truly debilitating the condition is which is frustrating for me. Due to this and how I have been unable to go to school for a week due to how low and unstable I feel,I have decided to make a step forward and take the plunge as there will be no perfect time, I have an appointment with the doctor next week to talk about EMDR and my condition, is there any advice I should stick to?",21.153268156424573,8.765544871508382,18.738477653631282,40.42157122905032,52.79888268156426,22.145810055865926,62.06843575418995,15.579741850924794,8.587255865921787,768,31,127,19,4,256,106,179,0.111,0.7959999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.5401,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,7,9,1,1,9,0,18,3,0,4,2,25,24,18,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,5,12,0,1,3,0,0,5,3,6,0,0,4,0,15,3,33,16,3,24,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,12,100,20,5,0.17254412265223462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860811970513245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733592019359973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267577980649278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682233990192606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532124417101149,0.0,0.17657254351307933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408891417976892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872434927837767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806080118413184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800912356785142,0.0,0.1533651441368563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517454169743685,0.17493265849844572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738200510097675,0.17388389282269506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683978333059615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835026319110448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962036931593205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345450027195325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036650524102484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492477276302618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764870953239705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580102564539428,0.0,0.0,0.1297317068534687,0.13868442993266364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200337025236336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061186548159633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179624516776287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27680897498117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Tedtheawesome,2020/02/09,"I've been doing heaps better but yesterday a pretty intense event has brought back alot of feelings [possible trigger for violence] So yesterday this happened 
Copy pasted from a group because I don't have the energy to rewrite it 

 Me and a couple mates we're working on my path finder putting in a new starter motor 

So a neighbour  we've had issue with rocks up out the front of our house yells "" wheres cassie "" 
I tell him I don't know a cassie he lean into car grabs a machete n comes at us 

I yelled get inside , once in handed out weapons and my wife called cops 

Dude said we started it and that he didn't have a machete 

So it's his word against ours
So I'm raising my fence and installing cameras 
Problem is I'm now having all the physical symptoms again and can't sleep because every noise is man in me reach for a weapon 

Just frustrating that I was doing well but I feel like I'm right back to square one",4.133362282878412,5.1132660913978505,4.644838709677419,87.24495037220846,70.88172043010752,7.228453267162945,29.36145574855252,7.321109707123232,1.5960095947063702,727,28,148,7,13,231,129,186,0.091,0.826,0.083,-0.5455,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,4,0,0,2,11,7,3,0,13,0,15,3,2,1,1,23,27,11,0,1,3,1,4,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,6,11,0,1,3,1,0,5,4,4,1,1,6,8,17,3,18,21,2,27,0,0,1,0,16,11,0,1,12,89,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28392815077564904,0.0,0.22508954399920347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632844824992364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852123566650655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903679758643186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428239117845765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555326151419438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867023778524962,0.1318950653047248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645815870716873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326195134034913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303073099895614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926989673310359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146424729004956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019771641719887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831052678240322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966180020634581,0.1251056617081578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624402135478665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813525608337646,0.0,0.18782847286800985,0.0,0.1766597555720606,0.0,0.18559761087426416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576674602525107,0.17561922687633702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475683290500905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067746356700435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189450759771148,0.0,0.0,0.16136907662876726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207933843361846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599869891013214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440810687076746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,colorinthegray,2020/02/09,"It's time to take control I have been out of the Army for 7 years now.  When I first came home I was treated for PTSD at my local VA Clinic.  I had been having some significant nightmares.  With this therapy, talking about only one particular incident, my nightmares lessened.  I was cured per this medical professional!  I ""moved on"" with my life... or so I thought.

I started seeing a therapist outside of the VA health system last September for severe anxiety.  This very QUICKLY was identified as PTSD related.  My husband (of 1 year) was less than supportive and asked for a divorce mid October.  Just 3 weeks after our first wedding anniversary and 1 week after my birthday.

Fast forward to today.  I am sinking.  Hard and fast.  I am still seeing my therapist every week and we talk a lot about these nightmares.  They tend to be accurate to my real life.  This last appointment, he cried with me as I described a specific incident (different from the one mentioned previous, that I have told him about).  It is incredibly validating and comforting to have someone, who did not experience what I did, what I have told myself for 7 years was ""okay"", be so overcome with emotion they can't contain it.  He confirmed to me what I had been feeling recently and what his emotion said, this was not okay.  I told him that I was so tired of being controlled by these memories and being tired when I go to sleep and still being tired when I wake up.  He suggested meeting twice a week for awhile to really dive into this and to talk about these things that I have been unknowingly carrying around with me for 7 years.

I turn 30 this year and I am newly divorced. Now is my time to take back control from these memories.  I want to be better, to be functional, to go through a single day and not have an anxiety attack or a breakdown.  I can't take it anymore.  But I am terrified of the period to come where things get worse before they get better.  But it has got to get better?  Right?

Here is to therapy twice a week for awhile.  It's time to take control.",4.275023279015631,6.112380592783506,5.28819753907549,79.4414383106086,71.68041237113404,8.820884602593948,30.29963418689724,9.370254747372089,2.891665846358497,1602,69,294,37,31,526,189,388,0.08900000000000001,0.856,0.055,-0.9308,1,0,0,0,2,1,50.0,2,0,3,9,20,9,1,0,13,2,39,10,2,4,0,42,65,23,0,1,8,1,2,0,0,0,8,1,1,0,27,22,0,5,2,0,0,6,5,1,0,6,22,5,45,8,54,36,4,52,0,0,2,0,27,11,0,5,36,221,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805022788016405,0.0,0.07651929666645745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868634439257675,0.07213164857815837,0.0877775536035151,0.0,0.05932919164472435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656551689726111,0.0,0.0,0.2047180526835809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882473822501816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646417142359581,0.0,0.0,0.3461538361165559,0.0,0.0,0.08475365756642539,0.049760067535691316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061294360733139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358312726381206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500834269603584,0.0,0.0,0.07547463274238687,0.0,0.0,0.03901304300357698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125989908891966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093449489952432,0.0,0.08770052943760967,0.0,0.0617097314661714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911777458832727,0.0,0.0,0.08201458884097493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739505063411062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257869751247761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899694830003566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559636687445783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772785004991233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200598616712071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456755005160873,0.05868159417453499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038548083715844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782188533967478,0.04942893425801485,0.0,0.07618351332872328,0.0,0.0,0.0658919021583712,0.07339424949150293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296873749829965,0.0,0.0,0.08716577320887052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721300982060775,0.0,0.06537511952584048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461232539593757,0.0,0.12323581933080477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755717578364439,0.0,0.0,0.2320507121807014,0.18604831568237049,0.0,0.0,0.17647216573320432,0.1791711159507185,0.10251974706778506,0.0,0.0,0.0612542679209445,0.13497310490875453,0.2660428559197489,0.07313608702228827,0.22118128484458546,0.0,0.0,0.08392497279923772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366284295874003,0.04550936739143276,0.0,0.3094546108865956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862986794890894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484338180502499
ptsd,ck_296,2020/02/09,"im graduating!!! I just finished all my course work. after battling ptsd for YEARS, constant pulling out of public school, I’ve finally done it. im proud of myself. 

I’ve been struggling with ptsd since I was 15 years old, from childhood physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. my symptoms are severe and hard to manage. I had to pull out of public school because I couldn’t sit in class without having panic attacks, and when I was enrolled in online school, I could barely do anything because I was so depressed. but I’ve finally done it!!! im proud of myself!!! Im getting my life together!!!",3.2158198051948053,5.705183812500002,4.395194805194809,81.68616883116884,76.94642857142857,6.572727272727272,28.93181818181818,7.686295010490155,2.1329357142857144,465,21,80,7,11,152,70,112,0.11699999999999999,0.7829999999999999,0.10099999999999999,0.3718,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,2,2,0,0,12,2,0,0,1,12,13,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,7,1,12,2,15,4,1,17,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,10,49,14,7,0.0,0.1500885052714752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424227619589124,0.0,0.0,0.1441104703332739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443913380485078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368900748614496,0.0,0.10113923802281584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910451524543537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592638786165675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249170251941695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27753132892167925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618217005761352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134754227635956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5473205591225065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947390784755628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329235227793978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862516956004615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961512985672418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846039083791801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310606821913968,0.0,0.10478641125160554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242763556557025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166325280486504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210964614177525,0.0,0.09222050581587474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314838086113534
ptsd,bodywithoutorganz,2020/02/09,"PTSD Rap I am a 14 year old kid who has struggled with ptsd for a while now and this rap has got me through my hard to my good days  I put this out there who can relate ?                                     
I have this thing DEPPRESION  probley the reason I get theses some what thoughts of aggression  I often get SAD so I make these Choices some people would say are mad theses choices ain’t coming from me there coming from the voices the one that says to me when I crying I should be the one that’s dying but I still get up I am trying people say there’s always hope then I think I’ll never be able to cope TRAMA I can’t lose this game so I let my brain suffer in pain when I get theses thoughts of aggression people say it’s my minds way of it expression I get these NIGHTMARES when I am asleep I try and wake up but it’s gone to deep POST TRAMATIC STRESS I feel aslough my minds an abounded mess people say “in time you’ll be fine “ it passes bye I feel aslough I want die I feel aslough my nightmares are real I really really can’t deal I take theses tablets everyday people say it will ease the pain but I still feel the unwanted blame so for people listing to day I spit theses bars for this is the story behind my battle scars ! thanks for reading you will get through it I am only 14 but I am getting through it with help that I need don’t feel ashamed always get help x",0.020584316711076408,2.3318453028169017,1.6549219642177384,96.86883707651312,90.69014084507045,4.337875904073087,17.1827179291968,5.946609106918303,-0.4396551960411119,1062,27,234,9,37,343,143,284,0.19399999999999998,0.727,0.079,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,13,17,4,3,10,0,25,7,4,2,1,34,51,14,2,6,4,0,6,0,0,5,2,7,0,1,26,7,1,0,9,5,0,5,5,13,0,2,4,13,40,4,25,38,2,28,0,3,0,0,17,6,0,4,16,151,66,1,0.088628487921298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749200366131432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893870372095057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269118928312006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735423230836736,0.11431608531473696,0.09137207938301307,0.0,0.0,0.18396475565726547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240661324055439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704378154635095,0.0,0.0,0.07433737071825644,0.07088429815711612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939371676833683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188116144906022,0.0,0.0,0.08802808631800375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062863366329904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915260769470798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916020389895393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897901531727967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571690078614972,0.06835575365787366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930006891570067,0.0,0.12011391427753468,0.06740595881676906,0.1886139198425543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368663004943715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848815922517186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720391910772315,0.08909610971352605,0.0,0.0,0.08865247204882447,0.10087862249976172,0.11355535764903875,0.0911248466369132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228855852922743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155764988006728,0.0,0.10152363346944357,0.09265373888315148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663759296540207,0.0,0.0,0.08159720406504606,0.0,0.0,0.05888082921029013,0.05678955639847505,0.0,0.14072223902268385,0.051679984038328734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203458511436417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227537846092332,0.07034916839538245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295913494374501,0.0,0.0,0.057073840422197576
ptsd,andilyne,2020/02/09,Feeling like a burden I’ve been feeling really depressed and anxious lately. My intrusive thoughts have been really bad since I was able to minimize my flashbacks. I’m going to my therapist and I’m working on myself and I’m doing my best to remain positive but I just feel like a burden to my friends and family especially if I feel like I need to talk about my intrusive thoughts because of how intense they get. Anyone else relate? Have you tried talking to your loved ones about feeling like a burden; if so did it go ok?,4.38529411764706,6.147421794117648,5.694264705882354,76.94669117647061,71.25490196078431,8.629411764705884,31.37745098039216,9.188382445141503,3.039839215686275,421,19,73,9,8,141,63,102,0.13,0.5870000000000001,0.28300000000000003,0.95,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,2,5,13,0,0,3,1,7,1,0,1,0,17,22,9,0,3,4,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,5,0,1,6,5,14,8,10,16,1,4,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,2,5,47,15,1,0.1548244240280414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490753013147267,0.0,0.10825683712756982,0.15863591872068264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927192704290255,0.09437953185914476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247868110954033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335004954890115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293359396392576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595468795276262,0.0,0.3914194037100653,0.4424263978440618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196169659454755,0.0,0.08088937141220465,0.0,0.17598057621077556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464869398086666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30255757238547704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973508743440036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480034864363915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049130366089884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983689810766342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280723634674481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488840147775828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797630893879955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458265972445614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051156209729334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271402464240472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Androgynewitch,2020/02/09,"I ran into my rapist and my ex-wife who is getting married to my rapist So a little background first, I was in a polyamorous relationship with my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend before my current relationship. My ex-girlfriend sexually abused (including rape) and emotionally abused me for years. My ex-wife knew what was going on because I told her and my ex-wife defended her the whole way. I left about 1.5 years ago.

I went to go dancing with my partner and a couple friends and I ran into my ex-wife on the dance floor. She ignored my existence and I ignored hers. My ex-girlfriend tried to approach me outside the club and I somehow was able to keep it together, looked her right in the eye, flipped her off and said, ""fuck you."" She pretty much ran away at that point. 

One of the people in our group had gotten kicked out. Turns out he had sexually assaulted a girl at the club years ago, so he's not going to be a friend anymore. He had caused a scene and broke a window near where my two exes were. Now I'm sure I look like the scetchy one. 

I just wanted to get the fuck out of there, so we left, where I proceeded to have a panic attack on the street. My partner was great and supportive through the whole thing, but I'm shaken up.",3.8515969410706252,5.0387305182186255,4.523609986504724,87.07131691408009,71.75303643724695,7.4322087269455706,27.487404408457042,7.793537801064563,1.4705296446243818,966,34,202,12,18,309,134,247,0.11599999999999999,0.826,0.057999999999999996,-0.899,1,0,0,0,2,0,35.0,2,1,0,1,10,17,7,1,18,0,11,6,1,1,1,30,34,15,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,5,19,0,3,1,4,0,10,1,11,0,4,16,4,37,6,31,17,3,46,0,1,3,5,24,26,2,1,10,131,42,0,0.1212930909497122,0.2874249575647997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503801344118084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029015379632048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798840139444302,0.11395885167165065,0.0,0.0,0.07393914244117679,0.0,0.1032114867399294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460141612496756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420849810439553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643840171470895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317184119922096,0.0,0.0,0.18742148237445286,0.2242670161843604,0.1267412676670263,0.0,0.20680097636129785,0.0,0.0,0.1337260609742847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781087231699174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26357059643131325,0.0,0.0,0.05925767748735355,0.12156754196993605,0.0,0.0,0.2037112959043938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916437800995443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438267503478332,0.0,0.0,0.14231130817309912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408935704010546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466117633918632,0.0,0.0,0.12339867914918015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26044677401576066,0.0,0.10358363693686473,0.11537750533152065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764196222157532,0.11431730277533472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058174002630095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590074630366963,0.0,0.08235004686725833,0.13193205276542558,0.11848572528243485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154180763776406,0.09627680986721694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243991049386168,0.0,0.2708388088387118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343263214642549
ptsd,mnstuck-,2020/02/09,"Did anyone else learn to physically fight? Anyone else a very sensitive person and when family bullied you instead of knowing how to use your words to fight back you couldn’t get the hurt to stop to think of a good thing to say so you taught yourself to fight back physically? Like in middle school I started fighting girls who would bully me or my friends and that carried on into my 20’s and at that point I was fighting dudes at bars too. Has anyone else taking that road to stand up for yourself? I’m 45 now and a mom and it still takes me a considerable amount of time to come up with silver tongued come backs to people, and I find myself still thinking of kicking the crap out of whoever is hurting my feelings or making me feel scared. I don’t but I wanna. Anyone learned any tricks on how to stop someone from hitting your triggers as easily? I can’t remember, wait yes I can I started running away quitting jobs pushing friends and boyfriends away when I get scared or hurt. So I’m at another juncture where i need to have understanding to let people back in because I have no trust left but I’m starting to feel lonely. Not social I can be social to an extent but I mean have relationships with people who undoubtably are going to hurt my feelings that aren’t my little child.",5.669965415019764,6.289037505928852,5.8282583992094885,81.44064846837945,67.22134387351778,8.06413043478261,31.22751976284585,7.865858978985527,2.089126679841897,1031,39,195,11,16,327,147,253,0.18,0.743,0.078,-0.9668,2,2,0,0,7,0,12.0,0,5,0,1,17,19,7,2,7,1,17,2,1,5,1,48,45,20,0,4,7,1,4,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,8,13,1,3,14,1,0,5,6,14,0,0,3,5,27,5,40,37,2,40,0,5,0,0,22,19,1,3,16,130,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312421810029133,0.09733516002244624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596217370865961,0.2853307043373545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744243829233558,0.2855069393008641,0.0,0.056585289799794825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992112508418252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23263025833626375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750719729963845,0.0,0.18774054039812127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484041536797783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343280899291913,0.0,0.09699451635157358,0.0,0.05275461589957418,0.07785724911095286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974845497705533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921145404348734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05101422069828191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085469001507437,0.09491990420877047,0.0,0.04534963136950485,0.09303508758017008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196144264871646,0.0,0.0,0.10111369363760372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871557838412517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882859947655462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305960875776645,0.08105125450681278,0.0,0.0,0.08774967733903531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873086829046396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965936646362958,0.10515268814324844,0.0,0.0,0.0738182066467361,0.18586813994771725,0.093943907771758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924690046072354,0.07865036487443276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971061475765548,0.0,0.14826041200791,0.15521179890452186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958577295732685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166883955392807,0.11895708973012445,0.0,0.0,0.05412703398634007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663415222241777,0.0,0.08017104084663702,0.0,0.07659038888134627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659402532772311,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Mellamellamella,2020/02/09,"Almost everything before 8 years old is missing Was recently diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder on top of the OCD I already was diagnosed with. My brain is a jumbled mess and I have snippets of memories and I don't know how to unravel all the tangles in my brain. I have vague memories but I don't really remember much before 8 years old, it's like a black void, I only know what others have told me, I don't even know if my memories are really or informed by what others have said. I just wanted to write this down. There is a lot going on and everything is kind of coming up at the same time, thank you if you read this, I'm not sure what the point was.",2.7952740641711245,4.331124610294122,4.675935828877005,83.5594385026738,74.95588235294117,8.768983957219252,25.59893048128342,9.339509955726095,2.1857294117647057,521,18,107,13,11,178,83,136,0.07,0.868,0.062,0.2633,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,1,4,6,0,0,7,0,15,5,2,1,2,26,26,9,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,5,2,14,4,14,21,4,16,0,1,1,0,6,8,0,5,7,75,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162274929625078,0.0,0.16709297125972025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576902720904316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33806400297651423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043276474969026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073711407619412,0.0,0.0,0.17353756777053644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000982757027424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721685625758603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605405197677675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157678020566789,0.24964528646450515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397493979347759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872973973362511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113092813402436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177743802331083,0.0,0.0,0.1151598282828608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431384754853212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699894907544111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145847098986634,0.0,0.194003849466924,0.0,0.14950650943167446,0.0,0.17152650505886705,0.0,0.14403271225475184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270919733502715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940488605815313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829275915639577,0.0,0.0,0.14468590558013086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930996179945806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950158050664374
ptsd,EternityMidnight,2020/02/09,"identity crisis so since i was 14 ive been diagnosed with bpd. ive had a pretty awful childhood, nonstop bullying, emotional abuse, pretty much completely isolated myself from age 14 to 16. no friends, barely left the house, yknow, all the great stuff.

last year i was raped and have since been diagnosed with ptsd from it and i see a therapist and all that. i was talking to my therapist on friday about how shitty school was for me and she started crying at the stuff i was describing because it was so awful. it was difficult for me because ive blocked the majority of those memories out and i actively avoid thinking about them. telling my therapist this, she mentions i could have ptsd from that shit as well. i kinda shrugged this off as suggestions aren’t diagnosises but i was speaking to my friend about it late last night and she mentioned c-ptsd. now i never thought what happened to me was that severe, i always sorta got on with it and figured the depression and shit i was feeling was down to my family being more prone to mental illness (aunt is bipolar, uncle is depressed, sister is depressed... list goes on). 

but i did a quick google of cptsd as ive never really read too much about it (im a trained counsellor but its never really taught to us tbh)  and all the symptoms were literally everything i felt. i then found a lot of sources saying cptsd was often misdiagnosed as bpd and well, it kinda fucked me up.

i’ve always seen myself as borderline and i know you shouldn’t let diagnosises define you but it sorta did. it gave me a reason that i was feeling this ways. and now there’s this possibility that i’m actually just traumatised and don’t have a personality disorder, i feel so lost and like i don’t know who i am anymore. 

i’m so lost right now. has anyone else been misdiagnosed as having bpd when they actually have cptsd? is it even worth mentioning this to my doctor when it was so difficult to get my bpd diagnosis in the first place?

any advice or support is appreciated. please be gentle with me, i’m a little fragile right now. <3",3.890152231746967,5.974038650753768,5.222530298551583,78.46910730121195,73.2964824120603,8.501448418563402,27.786284362991424,9.168548406835145,2.525866745492166,1645,64,303,38,34,548,206,398,0.17300000000000001,0.7240000000000001,0.10300000000000001,-0.9853,1,1,0,0,1,0,42.0,1,2,2,3,24,19,4,1,15,2,45,10,2,2,6,53,69,34,0,2,6,2,5,1,2,1,6,2,0,1,27,19,0,2,11,1,1,0,8,12,2,1,30,9,46,7,40,34,8,35,0,5,2,2,23,14,3,7,21,221,73,4,0.0,0.0929125414750704,0.15304936893407053,0.0,0.0,0.07662919046248741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050016430069716,0.0,0.0,0.05332694885828135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776961331636273,0.05483170925823785,0.08034853782912457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560580538171487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950590500037937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221981154819713,0.0,0.0,0.06261041530498768,0.0,0.08613852274177565,0.0,0.0,0.2026240006759312,0.15918529770433526,0.0,0.0,0.08987385517052936,0.08026417564248756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550820093315586,0.08820972796179137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517943686439432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047706813333313,0.0,0.07392553881166916,0.0,0.11895153513660528,0.0,0.07529360552723212,0.0,0.0,0.06670233549444532,0.0,0.08598132134097243,0.12117114952002447,0.07249620429367874,0.04097018362109603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062718061496303,0.0864561539251152,0.0,0.0,0.06934480415553937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048387697778948,0.0,0.0,0.08470492803170945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619299597185195,0.12784232006639618,0.08845895247618532,0.0,0.08520141806757474,0.08018774774100064,0.0,0.03831108797167557,0.07859546631581261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712050843381437,0.06666820408741515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790269292177122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152925485683478,0.0,0.18144245508524956,0.0,0.0,0.07359000812941917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684715982876373,0.08193014998508295,0.08607944746201578,0.0,0.08840454528732393,0.0,0.15955865477453907,0.0,0.0,0.2749994387770182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843925013454159,0.0,0.10047319490250342,0.08062679442134467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339371367688598,0.0,0.062361164211273974,0.0,0.07936323199017208,0.06248901637798353,0.0,0.0,0.0885900520809043,0.16098995995205828,0.12973640804575234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550468461390354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953976394581736,0.0,0.08898785012946549,0.0,0.08150635796424081,0.0,0.06302944137018378,0.06854081384984967,0.0,0.0,0.273148127570087,0.0,0.05024710666744129,0.0,0.062255155728279624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432723365266424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622445814425043,0.0,0.0,0.14101445157911147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05049863970572751
ptsd,affectionate4fish,2020/02/09,"Scared of false memories Hello

I'll just go straight in

My trauma happened when I was very young and although all the feelings are really there, the memories just kinda aren't. I have some but not a lot. Maybe it's just my brain protecting itself but whatever.

I've always felt really silly over having PTSD because I was so young (it was 2 weeks before my 4th birthday) and every once and a while, I'll off handedly mention the event and someone will say ""I'm surprised you even remember that"" which is a little hurtful

Anyways, I've pieced together what happened through what people have told me and comparing that to police reports and my own memories and feelings and there's one specific ""trigger"" that I guess I want to ask about

For as long as I can remember, I've hated the wind. The colder, the worse. When I was 5, I was in therapy for being afraid of it (embarrassing, ik). And even now, it's very windy outside and it's giving me those familiar upset/panic attack type feelings.

I always thought I just didn't like the wind and it was apart of my personality. Not everyone is into everything, right? I'm not even sure anymore. My mom told me around  a year and a half ago that the day my trauma happened was very windy and very cold so that's why she put me in therapy after expressing my fear of the wind.

I have no idea how to feel about it now. Part of me worries that I'm assigning this long standing hatred of the wind to my trauma because of what my mom told me but that doesn't erase a lifetime of how it's made me feel. I don't know who or what to believe. I worry that a lot of what I understand and know about my trauma is some made up connections my brain has made from bits and pieces of a confusing and traumatic event.

Any advice or commentary is welcome

P.S. The event isn't any sort of secret or whatever and you can find it in some of my previous posts here but I just don't want to go through the effort of writing it all out when I'm already stressed",3.723416666666669,5.058565175000002,4.8615,83.95616666666669,72.25,8.233333333333334,27.833333333333336,8.745826893841286,2.062733333333334,1570,58,315,29,30,517,188,400,0.168,0.795,0.037000000000000005,-0.9958,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,0,1,25,18,2,6,20,0,27,3,3,6,3,71,58,35,0,2,15,2,7,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,28,20,0,1,15,0,0,3,10,13,0,2,16,9,38,5,40,40,12,37,0,1,0,0,19,14,0,12,19,217,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633908953213075,0.07832101915787859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750149477698336,0.0,0.14703620515254395,0.0,0.0,0.12016831142707747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762401855579609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865432352076507,0.08259962112593901,0.1005161092797702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077202844089057,0.0,0.07518325435500038,0.0995453744896204,0.0,0.0,0.09646033619620123,0.0,0.0,0.1972659015636674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056981405619693636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507213391998708,0.0,0.07444255860725899,0.08442660370972117,0.07940741457401544,0.0,0.0,0.09942348557464066,0.22337369480566624,0.0,0.08483426889384904,0.0,0.0807545009060058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475778032336123,0.10042790712375772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733254969224556,0.0,0.2343950347813255,0.0,0.0,0.08723187234937982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458542339564258,0.0997415853636991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711475158933508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04316559309182691,0.08855451769887117,0.0,0.15638207583360586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023183742147178,0.0,0.2508097677902417,0.0,0.0,0.08876406827069908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695967211003147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409476213724732,0.05987136150764422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567941837128333,0.0,0.061253952622783575,0.0771478260344982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846192803825326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328179562972932,0.08882077360759097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320443447086992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001770692211381,0.07545434300800034,0.0,0.07026312176429482,0.08845836510054858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748625632484507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120989225234968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832731619629943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020823635140151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014368064989474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25327981112916353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198025138549412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29160718280238346,0.1042276609036705,0.0,0.0708727281817528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972628104148516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945676401204724,0.09004088260543558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689746359695645
ptsd,DoubleSorbet8,2020/02/09,"ptsd has made me so awkward in romantic / flirting situations i was just talking to someone i like romantically. during the conversation, we started to talk about a mutual connection who i had gone on a few dates with many years ago. i discovered that the previous connection told the person i'm talking to now that i was super awkward/uncomfortable in physical and romantic/flirting situations. i wasn't surprised at all about the former, and i honestly didn't care he told this guy that; it's all true and anyone who knows me would know i don't enjoy any kind of physical contact with people i don't know well. 

the triggering part: the fact that every time i remember being overtly flirtatious or romantic with someone i was interested in, there was a violent encounter. the physical thing is something i'm aware of,and i don't really care about because i'm working on it and i've made a lot of progress. but the fact that i can't do something so basic as flirting with someone back makes me feel almost sociopathic. i've completely shut that part of myself down. 

i ended the conversation with the man i'm talking to now with a little flirtatious remark because i couldn't stop thinking about how so socially inept i am. now i'm crying because it was too triggering. i feel like i've made so much progress, but this is a crushing realization that i am so behind in everything",7.329821882951649,7.5058555954198525,8.156351145038169,67.69564631043258,63.656488549618324,11.719491094147587,38.4590330788804,11.34169021259432,4.6987472773536885,1114,55,189,31,15,376,130,262,0.079,0.785,0.136,0.8752,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,4,18,16,1,1,16,0,21,0,0,7,5,39,42,14,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,15,11,0,1,7,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,14,2,23,14,27,25,7,23,0,0,0,0,17,10,0,3,14,130,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009740939718872,0.0,0.11406413048054567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746251581597388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796483248445506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758954354898142,0.0,0.20831492434982773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322771027053345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943217432830025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251244787692972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089020183486523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597385209154226,0.0,0.1023747115075005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519235419901255,0.08137712681778046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278853178477205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861944461053983,0.1878054095530416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130107090206133,0.11416746472280152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968419706004235,0.0,0.3233523942132143,0.07603562270713664,0.11548657736955603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837367509125048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467062529491005,0.0,0.07897065736357052,0.09946157391071958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315436711158354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297348353737622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903750752915796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25607859610212863,0.0,0.11611661467847295,0.2895460086335586,0.17538653535579135,0.0,0.0,0.08062588619482687,0.0,0.0,0.095233626564412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36622527285295065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567655652715106,0.07298874918340939,0.0,0.0,0.06642167384278891,0.0,0.0,0.21769123814715108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024185184001154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292763290946575,0.0,0.0,0.08091819694750822,0.0,0.0,0.07335412508384326
ptsd,fundamentallylikable,2020/02/09,"Anyone else completely disregard “smaller” traumas and only consider one major event their trauma? I recently realized that I’ve actually experienced multiples trauma that have caused my PTSD, but have been minimizing them and not considering them important since they weren’t as “bad” as what I consider my main trauma. Anyone else experience this? I’m currently trying to come to terms with the fact that certain past experiences that I hadn’t considered traumatic actually might be.",12.178874999999998,12.1925851375,11.975,44.83000000000004,53.875,17.0,46.25,15.247664890283005,8.14275,401,21,51,18,4,134,60,80,0.26,0.71,0.028999999999999998,-0.9629,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,2,12,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,3,1,9,1,5,4,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,34,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.3774451195477935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704481723789491,0.3963056323279378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147412642149978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986667140650364,0.0,0.1665899646506734,0.20276768741447526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32310816966814243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783486991944373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515820365568604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104733041568228,0.14708322528956402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846144146069709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260647370794469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095113232526464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997574634111872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130037942595826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,waterynike,2020/02/09,"How to apologize to friends when you act mean/shut things down. I have been harassed/stalked by a man for 5 years. Some women I went to college with and I always plan a weekend that 35 of us go to. The man contacted me again last September and I had to go to court and have meetings with several different places I go to/work for a safety plan for all of them. I haven’t been sleeping and let’s just say they go overboard with the planning. Like 15-50 messages a day and it should take at most a month and this literally has been going on for 10 months.

I have been short with them and finally lost it when they were talking badly about others. I have been trying to hold on while worrying about this person coming back again, stress from work, not sleeping, panic attacks, nightmares etc. and it all got to me. They know a little of the situation but not the whole story.

How do you apologize and say you weren’t yourself? I mean this man has threatened to hurt me, told me he masterbates after seeing me, I had to amp up EMDR and constant texts and my phone going off all the time was fraying my nerves. I usually like doing it but this year it sent me over the edge.",3.1733169092945133,4.801003442553191,3.99623740201568,88.44105263157896,74.14893617021276,6.989921612541995,25.13437849944009,7.669130373188453,1.1929999999999996,919,30,190,12,19,294,135,235,0.077,0.856,0.067,-0.6365,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,3,5,5,10,9,1,2,12,0,21,2,2,2,3,32,37,18,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,12,16,0,1,2,1,0,10,4,6,0,0,15,3,28,3,33,20,7,38,0,2,1,0,27,10,0,2,20,137,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403149633615544,0.13546542176399706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223491749415698,0.0,0.0961371367980853,0.1043913358493122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769867182051523,0.0,0.13510849321814802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806313095989418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062536961033225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943683635441326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695967260369293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659463698677374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263303221606111,0.0,0.09999456812528416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384272420835472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871091996471974,0.10191272879126834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784736984852824,0.0,0.122162598930558,0.1253087152784253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364804496568717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723795371475533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958883051255824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669085931813294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916772196512853,0.13062536961033225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988510975730283,0.0,0.0,0.09962938994309638,0.0,0.0,0.1412435873603752,0.0,0.0,0.14053425801200134,0.25023222066352696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321665230831532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400385561714007,0.10049101676015544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306159813688584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290356001240128,0.0,0.0,0.11946752713578104,0.0,0.0848843236347265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039066524890804,0.0,0.1376982752119456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590018603396088,0.0,0.13958686106983662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204056937231114,0.1269697872605535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610250555523373
ptsd,coffee_panopoly,2020/02/09,Book recommendation for Birthing PTSD? I'm looking for a book that covers PTSD from a bad birth experience.,5.134736842105267,8.317739578947375,5.504473684210527,72.51881578947369,74.26315789473685,8.010526315789475,30.552631578947373,8.841846274778883,2.899189473684211,88,4,15,2,2,28,15,19,0.18899999999999997,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984862827817376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496903786401809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001986121554254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8357651412553553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,polyamorys,2020/02/09,"what are some strategies for controlling/calming a ptsd flashback? i’ve noticed that when i am out somewhere with my partner and i get triggered (usually through seeing my abuser), i have very difficult episodes in which i no longer see my partner as ‘safe’ because he doesn’t look like my partner, or ‘feel’ like my partner - instead he looks like/feels like my abuser. this can make things so hard though, because he’ll try helping me but will inadvertently set me off, i’ll try getting away from him, and that i’m alone in a public, crowded space which obviously doesn’t help my ptsd episode.

this is probably one of the biggest issues in our relationship, and it sucks, because neither of us want to end a relationship we are generally incredibly happy in because of external factors (ie. trauma and ptsd episodes from an abuser). we’re trying to brainstorm some strategies that he or i could do in these scenarios to prevent me becoming scared of him, so that he can help me better and help us get out of the situation. however, i’m a bit stuck on any ideas or strategies that we could use, especially when we are out in public and i see my abuser. i get really stuck in my head, and it can feel very difficult to trust him. i’m a bit clueless when it comes to coping mechanisms. so i was reaching out to see if any of you have any strategies or mechanisms to calm a flashback, or strategies my partner can use to reassure me that he isn’t my abuser/is safe/is just trying to help me.

sorry if this is a little all over the place. i would appreciate any advice, help or tips, no matter how small. thank you guys so much. <3",6.118140350877191,6.456623834920634,6.57166248955723,77.47593984962408,66.20634920634922,9.425229741019214,34.356725146198826,9.276330184999452,3.0316349206349207,1288,56,243,22,19,419,153,315,0.12300000000000001,0.715,0.162,0.9393,1,1,0,0,5,0,39.0,6,2,0,1,11,15,1,1,11,0,21,1,1,5,2,46,46,26,0,6,10,0,3,3,5,3,0,0,0,6,17,16,0,2,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,3,9,37,10,36,38,7,27,0,0,6,0,35,20,1,10,8,157,54,0,0.0,0.39009105653896337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043145035823197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524735195522133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22389190406235715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733206125730925,0.0,0.0,0.20069932993178524,0.09090387824856333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279566532413215,0.17972032793827064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090195782307591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143415662146715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729013870518566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485378529555186,0.1176032025195315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720123242957129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149889940859273,0.0,0.08761951350104498,0.07373274102002368,0.0,0.08447283073407635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310201244376122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929168979578622,0.0,0.08590926289766426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084817557205644,0.08249529075290163,0.0,0.0,0.1382377426816717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494192954212468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050662182963184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370939815874753,0.0,0.0,0.05577474197466215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599543792118762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887430764256433,0.0,0.2886446219128884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272928461961042,0.0,0.0,0.17673823127392746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240571727024494,0.0,0.26235862278623256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251882001729704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213824194039097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577911401781698,0.0,0.0,0.05468247498570298,0.0,0.08086822302274405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352976624334794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980153037027749,0.14217718275176333,0.09065178925937248,0.13582717153245705,0.04854800982588797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058469987054482114,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Vipin_Mo,2020/02/09,"NSFW Back at square one, feeling lost. Just a warning that this post deals with triggering and graphic subjects! 


Hey, I'm 16 and have been dealing with PTSD since 2014 and just recently relived a very similar event and caused me to lose all my progress. Feeling lost and have no clue what to do anymore.

Back in 2014 on christmas eve I saw a man get shot and killed while shopping for a ring for my mother. I was about 11 or 12 at the time and just didn't really know how to cope or understand it so I blocked it out until around 2017 when I accepted the fact that I did/do have PTSD and tried to acknowledge and work with it more. Before then I had been diagnosed with PTSD twice but chose to ignore it, even though I would constantly have nightmares and dealt with pretty bad insomnia along with paranoia. 

I'm currently in a tiny RV park in the fucking desert and just recently had to listen to a guy getting shot to death two RVs down from my own. It destroyed any progress I had previously made and I don't even know where to go from here anymore. Ever since then I've been waking up at 2-3am because of nightmares, I constantly feel so fucking numb and on edge, it's fucking terrible. His RV is still right there and everyday I look out the window and just see it there. I feel guilty for being so affected by it because my dad saw the body and is holding it together, I can't imagine how the victim's family feels.

I can't even remember how I really started to recover from the first event, I understand that the recent event is still extremely fresh but I just hate that I have to do this all over again. Life will be life, though. Shit happens and people are still just as cruel and senseless as they've always been.
 There's many more aspects to the murder that I'm scared to open up about that are also causing me issues but all I can say is that the victim won't get justice, the system in the tiny town I'm at is fucked and corrupted. 


I just really needed a place to let this out at for now until I am able to figure out whatever else I can do to help myself. As much as I hate it, I think I'll have to just give myself time.",6.7441567398119115,5.532869974712646,6.932398119122257,80.57809561128529,65.34482758620689,10.483803552769071,32.41640543364681,9.573946990214177,2.662816091954023,1689,55,353,28,22,546,217,435,0.196,0.759,0.045,-0.9974,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,7,38,22,13,1,19,0,37,12,3,8,5,79,73,43,3,2,14,2,5,0,0,3,5,3,1,2,21,32,0,3,15,1,1,1,6,21,0,4,14,13,33,1,61,53,7,57,0,3,5,4,12,25,5,2,29,245,54,1,0.08525141522142379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817552595208462,0.07093600681270833,0.0,0.0,0.057973885746162024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690929923220557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589183389668598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110615209892254,0.07118137075589615,0.1039369428879035,0.0,0.07254267529000652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946951037551612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515337403102474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425298746849664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757809314324148,0.0,0.08652839192155258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121661819482912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689232671855136,0.0771147858034092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036744708910197,0.0,0.21552838527185592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251481023663743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152542385968117,0.13362103749236978,0.0817809256735155,0.04845034388996988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441230427761744,0.07538754493318267,0.0,0.0,0.16833624575229594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057142226600212766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898032847813996,0.0,0.0,0.09431805989450916,0.0,0.09370389657715347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717534802400201,0.12043119150953055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158971766842015,0.09537452716529086,0.18612398067173905,0.0,0.0,0.08066695037549647,0.0,0.08643155429580425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626695993413024,0.0632128441699258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776856527800416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059102597160300974,0.0,0.08906958406759664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164729011435527,0.0867313377171956,0.0,0.0,0.2989630268606997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384271873427395,0.0,0.2525264631713733,0.0,0.09657323467568396,0.07280424279327694,0.0,0.06779534712533265,0.08535153886627612,0.0,0.06793434039353774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750935262903603,0.14104170326995724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034139048034984,0.0,0.20424567095871435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462566457261473,0.1675181652199436,0.0,0.09942157157866564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057880114885480276,0.0,0.08327824515620831,0.1774994595962788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034134580814386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206404562065141,0.0,0.0,0.060560159390703625,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,darkrainbow7154,2020/02/09,Is anybody else completely traumatized and emotionally scarred because a doctor put them in a straight jacket? You can go on YouTube and see dentists torturing children with papoose boards.,10.875999999999998,13.193925933333333,8.353333333333339,61.89000000000002,56.33333333333334,11.333333333333336,55.0,11.20814326018867,7.33,158,12,19,4,2,46,28,30,0.20600000000000002,0.738,0.055999999999999994,-0.7264,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,11,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400206374388631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128295661358613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030102256719084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32891977809657924,0.4429052200160047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237718774766104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958180915709581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137603095144207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Only_Reference,2020/02/09,"Getting worse, scared of outside :/ I just need to vent some place where people will understand.

I was doing really well and getting past a very abusive ex with the help of councilling. Untill I moved house.

I think I've worked out why,  He knew where I lived so I never felt safe. Now I've moved I feel safe in my house so I don't like leaving. 
I do though I go shopping ect but I het nervous. In fact I had a complete freak out at a bowling alley yesterday and I feel silly I know its illogical to be scared but it doesnt stop me being scared. 

I've also started having seizures when I'm nervous I just want to live a normal life. 
Not to mention my ex had ptsd and was scared of outside I want to be nothing like him so I'm kind of ashamed and feel like a bad person for this.

I'm just glad that new partner is amazing! I burst out in tears when I got home and told him what was wrong...he helped me feel okay about it and said he'd support me.

I can't go back to my councillor cause my birthday passed Im too old now nervous on finding a new one. Feel bad that that I was doing great now im not. Any tips to deal with this untill I find a new councillor would be great!!",0.6848605577689248,2.593069549800795,2.3351617529880486,96.2029657370518,82.58565737051794,4.972175298804782,21.195378486055773,5.927762680638738,-0.03579407171314708,911,28,211,6,25,298,137,251,0.22,0.649,0.132,-0.973,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,19,25,0,8,8,1,21,1,0,1,2,42,46,17,0,5,7,2,6,3,1,2,1,1,1,2,9,11,0,3,12,1,1,5,6,11,1,1,11,7,31,14,25,28,1,33,0,0,0,0,14,11,0,1,20,124,40,1,0.0,0.11759806710251484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937224541813412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749515200691368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631910084226279,0.16574350252338396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195973111506036,0.0,0.0,0.1040644326599902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232504285546487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509254113036854,0.0709060567759063,0.09529803333985293,0.0,0.1814301041319332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371074402197338,0.0,0.11281504710445422,0.0,0.0793813481720424,0.2188526205246254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305381279019046,0.0,0.09955842158456173,0.0,0.0,0.22904828277428674,0.0,0.0,0.21441961768442971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335627962283483,0.05454661751333263,0.0,0.0,0.10509414207798468,0.0,0.0,0.07010502636394023,0.1454693787040241,0.0,0.17528367771735234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109795516997987,0.0,0.073594524002058,0.07654970172168225,0.2875762555611381,0.0,0.0,0.0972464465681618,0.0952355190291882,0.0,0.10414887751090897,0.0,0.06725611099680917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474780997851996,0.06880923588258851,0.0866635169182892,0.10369781218663614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602094450342415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358373868892007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441192392652953,0.0,0.3974765545319469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025148082383575,0.0,0.0,0.08297959385162564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263064172710475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359704005266534,0.09751514737985192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484008526279546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332542706427947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818937659014146,0.11708347620890565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923998136287185,0.0,0.08956000785791904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225705400654832,0.0,0.10114684954990794,0.07050617896367352,0.10851710579848683,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Throwaway712480478,2020/02/10,"I reflexively calmed down after my anger flared up for the first time today. TW: violence

For almost 3 years now I've been struggling with a PTSD that I got from being assaulted in public twice in a row in the span of 2 months. Since this was pretty public and the public was very apathetic to it it caused me to feel very worthless. I felt a lot of resentment for other people. Since then I've had anger issues. I got pretty good at hiding this though. 

​

In these last 3 years violence has played a big part in my routine mental thought. If I was mad at someone, even for the slightest smallest ""infractions"" towards me, I would fantasize about hurting them in some way. Life was mostly good, but I'd spent hours pacing around my apartment thinking about how people had ""crossed"" me that day, and how they were going to pay for it. It is really scary stuff. 

​

Until today I always had to put in concious effort to stop when I caught myself having these involuntary fantasies. But today, for the first time, I caught myself in a fantasy and reflexively got myself out of it. It almost feels like my body finally realizes that I don't actually live a violent life, and that I can tackle my problems in other, healthier ways. 

​

I've learned to function with my PTSD for a long time now (therapy yay!), but this feels like the biggest step towards recovery yet. I really hope this trend continues, because sometimes I'm still afraid that one day I might slip up, and do something that I would regret. Luckily that hasn't happened yet, and things seem to get easier with time. 

​

Have any of you folks ever felt like they where ""stuck"" in a violent state of mind? How do you guys cope with it?  Are you guys hopeful for a full recovery or do you believe that PTSD is something you have to learn to live with? 

​

TLDR: Anger issues due to PTSD for long time, it feels like they're getting less.",5.085451040081178,6.6737037287671255,5.297016742770168,81.16356671740236,69.24657534246576,8.147133434804669,28.313039066463734,8.626192665926032,2.14787163876205,1531,54,277,25,27,483,189,365,0.11900000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.125,0.7511,0,0,2,0,0,0,64.0,0,5,3,3,16,25,8,2,15,1,26,3,1,4,1,49,49,18,0,7,5,0,6,4,0,3,2,0,0,2,26,13,0,1,12,3,2,6,2,14,0,4,19,6,34,11,53,26,6,67,0,3,0,0,13,25,0,11,37,189,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.06177806487247552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678473894679332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267612452234344,0.3429631254295477,0.3846219633364153,0.043050627767530894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056356255055713726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038591087883551735,0.0,0.0,0.07132480788386057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031931033605154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503326981265829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165498054760455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04181338202698243,0.057264402692124634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280387839214648,0.13567864502669505,0.12156843975613288,0.06934923578624105,0.0,0.10769704541798067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661501234329588,0.0,0.03597857368313531,0.10619706829965753,0.15189610380413604,0.0,0.0,0.12536688350912695,0.055981776854440266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257553852749509,0.062344203806755025,0.0,0.06777097566709395,0.0,0.0,0.13215119016577664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160329113092768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943058293483906,0.12371353868535508,0.0,0.11180169447371016,0.1120486167488804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053820968563652996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379811682839989,0.06715824981256195,0.06392157312737279,0.0,0.05053068762644768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428981595495746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855482907930469,0.0,0.08777758736349289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881104958848436,0.0,0.06057582268496919,0.2960078966585717,0.06364057241371737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111159942522278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763190936570103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047356717429528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053639437982584144,0.0974729566875499,0.06261180090242788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055669600431728,0.05292711403689127,0.0,0.06618175583371948,0.07247085866137487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239656201130923,0.0,0.042058061650342905,0.04056428375987065,0.06219836813043849,0.05025833266760448,0.18457280441907492,0.0,0.18002163357744808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446907451788484,0.0,0.1004995921798694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994231957771164,0.0,0.3846219633364153,0.08153469070639778
ptsd,chaotic_goof,2020/02/10,"Having an emotional day. Hi, I'm just here to vent. My symptoms and anxiety get worse each growing day. I spent all night up with nightmares and panic attacks if anything loud woke me up. I had to get errands done today and spent 3 hours panicking trying to get myself out of the house. When I finally l left the house I had to walk around my apartment complex for another 15 min before I could step foot in my car. I was trying to get ahold of my old therapist and just found out she doesnt do private counseling anymore, but honestly I dont know if I could afford it either way. The good news is after my 2 hour errand run, I got home and sat out on my porch and just relaxed. It was calming and made me feel a bit better. I never knew the abuse I endured in my childhood would make me so scared of the world. I'm just happy to have small moments.",3.7596666666666683,4.513787742857146,4.931785714285713,85.67863095238096,71.57142857142857,7.661904761904763,27.72619047619048,7.793537801064563,1.5739047619047617,665,23,138,8,12,220,116,175,0.078,0.753,0.17,0.9649,1,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,2,7,0,14,2,1,2,2,34,31,12,0,5,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,2,13,0,0,5,1,2,5,3,3,0,0,13,2,23,6,21,15,4,33,0,0,0,0,2,13,0,2,14,88,25,0,0.0,0.16388307082470535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503747315696305,0.1058121545525442,0.0,0.1371733335973282,0.0,0.0,0.1138231359013109,0.12313148765615935,0.0,0.15735559744226504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769761077556808,0.0,0.0,0.12233017882433506,0.1510063803741936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086979783121333,0.0,0.0,0.17840609209078273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415463512837112,0.16210653698415572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558804942246682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993724976202571,0.0,0.0,0.1515195529180551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165749156377448,0.0,0.0,0.28905977158654306,0.0,0.0,0.11601376805052495,0.11062476982124833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724105765581658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387432655803378,0.0,0.2724288387819783,0.3191985793053297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760154261157447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028186518049502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087892457496927,0.09232769610547213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667862574584988,0.0,0.0,0.12980116917262602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514046267915956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622852406004475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847948342708327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437643618703666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059674049570247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110837788854485,0.0,0.0,0.18781637722078584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978962567430238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095687724215064,0.09825645442463196,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AlCrawtheKid,2020/02/10,"How to talk to my DM about my personal triggers? I've been playing DnD with this group at my school for around the past five or six months and we've recently gotten to a point where my DM has been challenging the player's and their character's emotionally, in the context of the game - just pushing them towards difficult moral decisions and hard situations. We all agreed this was very fun, and I've been having a really fun time with it, since I've always enjoyed games that include difficult moral choices and hard situations to get through. It's never been anything too bad, just hanging tough choices in front of the characters and letting them play out how they will. It's really punishing and stressful in a really good way. I'm enjoying it, and my DM is a pretty respectful guy. It's never anything too bad, and I've always felt very safe in the group.

However, I projected a lot into my character's backstory, because writing has been a big outlet for me, and my DM and I were talking and he's been talking about how he can reintegrate my backstory into the story and how he really wants to play with that dynamic. This has, in no small terms, become a big fucking issue for me, because I didn't really realize how much this could potentially affect me in-game. I understood he would be reintegrating the backstory, but it wasn't really until recently that I realized how deeply my trauma was affecting me, and I don't know to what extent he plans to reintegrate it. I understand that my DnD group is a safe space for me, and everyone who I play with is very nice, but in the past my triggers have been really disrespected by others, including close friends and family, and I'm worried that this will happen again (in that weird way of, like, I *know* my partner isn't going to attack me because he's angry, but I *think* he will. I'm sure I don't really have to explain it, but I can provide more details if asked).

I don't want to interrupt his story and I'm really invested in where it's going, but I don't really know how to have the conversation with him where I can discuss what I might potentially need in order to not freak out a little during gameplay. I know it's just a story but I know there's the potential that he might use some trigger phrases for me and it might cause me to spiral out a little. I just want to know how to have this conversation and how to plan for it. Any advice is wanted. Thank you so much.",5.557187500000001,6.053140343750003,6.752083333333335,75.15125000000002,67.4375,10.65,31.208333333333336,10.577609850970193,3.342095833333333,1935,73,365,51,30,655,202,480,0.08,0.7929999999999999,0.127,0.9695,1,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,1,1,4,3,25,31,3,1,22,0,42,1,0,16,4,95,71,39,0,8,13,0,3,1,2,7,0,0,0,3,29,33,0,2,14,6,1,5,11,12,0,2,15,3,47,19,52,46,8,47,2,0,0,1,35,28,1,7,12,253,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961272802353246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558115418932554,0.0,0.0,0.05540321971504444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408773568539495,0.07252665392079756,0.07616458787301646,0.0926852682074666,0.0,0.0,0.13605012232142924,0.14899228874898462,0.08997855569001907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083693379703418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650481355085765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164415073247698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778492369506773,0.0,0.0,0.07680381040026281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822514243687723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294445832465706,0.07531882511529983,0.04256534704352957,0.0,0.09260393755763276,0.06833418945561819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066931136931134,0.07204472603403872,0.0,0.14596441146124162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503478118710674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686466934242124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833098368023225,0.0,0.039802720197960814,0.16331112062958847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926391323978565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592842517977952,0.0,0.0,0.06502954623653152,0.0,0.11978143390155074,0.060409873329753776,0.1256712465266558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554698604787262,0.0,0.07113752212322785,0.0,0.0,0.07701663164864443,0.0,0.0,0.08288551470855345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.521925462813295,0.0,0.1608859913721054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824532187456047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739383064181494,0.1831541175072534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332500109557837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767856556160724,0.0,0.0,0.19645042873326768,0.0,0.07500774842794138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522034646711127,0.0,0.0,0.04750652042460763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481440766600089,0.0,0.07036497123422641,0.0,0.20166685327549455,0.19221533293943008,0.12933611599998768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827379731631146,0.0,0.057874813349446524,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lord_Retro,2020/02/10,"Why am I like this? Why do I have to phase out when I'm with my friends? I feel like such a bad friend.

When I enter my apartment, it's like it's her opening the door and not me. I'm so confused. I feel elsewhere.",-2.358163265306125,-0.5880508979591816,0.14408163265306229,106.49734693877554,98.79591836734691,2.8000000000000003,17.20408163265306,3.1291,-1.317457142857143,162,5,44,0,7,54,34,49,0.12300000000000001,0.608,0.26899999999999996,0.7696,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,7,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,9,5,3,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637361572166328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194241835979073,0.2256557952831189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4880768726515953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4629506960814657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.570042552573825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dvischjager,2020/02/10,"I’m having a hard time being alone Before everything that caused my PTSD happened I knew I did not like being alone. I’d start calling friends and texting them (a lot) whenever I really needed someone to be with me.

Since I’ve experienced the events that caused the PTSD, I’ve been suffering from this a lot more often. Whenever I am alone for a whole day it feels like an eternity and as if no one wants to be with me.

Does anyone else experience such feelings?",4.117032967032966,5.701110373626378,5.170109890109893,81.14989010989014,71.63736263736264,8.716483516483517,27.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.3012373626373623,368,13,71,8,7,121,65,91,0.18600000000000005,0.78,0.034,-0.8696,0,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,2,0,16,16,4,0,3,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,4,8,3,7,9,4,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,7,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968472863564906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181091895810473,0.16384395039198488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606935497704728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328325649539974,0.0,0.0,0.3285377404565926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031269951650016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399359768123583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335820503266165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371439191049912,0.15642004666335238,0.0,0.0,0.16170789536473593,0.1142378242031388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354400184058074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414055184944974,0.0,0.14324555328775376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624528253254394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27189497701753473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856925455368927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835734116371007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738462090467836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244072640338027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227699083391126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548895669036165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318322695234867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093243246554053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431748273999532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785308166052125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,m-addie,2020/02/10,"I never feel safe anywhere and it’s really fucking with my mental. Im not sure on whether this is the right place to post this, but i want to go on a rant, apologies for those of you who sort by new.

I don’t feel safe at all now; i’m terrified to leave my own house. I live in a safe city in england, and a safe/rich neighbourhood on top of that, but i go to a reallyyyy far away school in a really dodgy area. I’m really fucking sick of what goes on. 
The area is a predominantly asian/black area, and i’m white. This place is known for all the druggies, stabbings, dodgy people in general, and how it’s quite a poor place. I get catcalled here alllll the time and i’m sick of it. 

The other day, i was walking around the corner to school, and this homeless man comes up to me, saying ‘hey beautiful’. I ignored him, and he got mad at me saying, ‘all these privileged white people thinking they can be disrespectful’. I looked back and gave him a death stare. He then tried to make a grab for my coat but i ran off. 

I was on a crowded train, and a guy slipped his hand under my shirt. I swatted his hand away, and left the train, giving him a dirty look, and he had the audacity to came off with me. I managed to escape by running off into the ladies’ bathroom, saw a sweet looking mom, and asked her to walk out with me, pretending that she was my mom. The guy backed off. 

Ive even had a knife held to my throat before, which i don’t like talking about, and another NDE that i also don’t like talking about. I’ve witnessed stabbings here myself and it’s left me scarred. 

Another time, i was getting some food and there were some guys lingering in an alleyway. It was like 7:30pm, and it was pitch black because it was winter. I got out of school late because we had an open evening after school. This one is a bit more intense. As i said, there were guys lingering in an alleyway, and they had the smell of alcohol on them. I hadn’t even realised they were there, but they grabbed me by the hair off the high street, pulled me into the alleyway and made me suck their dicks, forcing my head onto them and choking me until i threw up and almost fainted. 

A couple weeks ago, after christmas, i was in london and was gangraped in a freezing park and impregnated. I had it aborted like a week ago but that still sucks. And that wasn’t the first abortion that i had to have. When i was 9, i was abducted and impregnated. That kid was also aborted. Literally two nights ago, we were at my mom’s friend’s dinner party and stayed the night. One of the guests crept into my room and raped me all night and i pretended to be asleep. And i think i might be pregnant because i just got off my period and am ovulating. I hope not; you can only check after like 5/6 days, so this’ll be a long 5 days. 

My dad molested/raped me with his friends up until i was 8, and my uncle molested/raped me between the ages 4 and 6. My friend’s dad molested me between 9 and 12. I also have all these other incidents where family friends have done shit. 

i’ve had way more stories but this is already hella fucking long and nobody here will probably read to the end. But i just wanna talk about how much this has messed with my head. I get sleep paralysis multiple times a week, self harm at least twice a day, get fever dreams, constant flashbacks etc. I have body dysmorphia, and am insecure as fuck. I’m still a minor; in my mid-teens. I’ve attempted suicide twice in the past 3 days and my family have only just caught up on the fact that i’ve got mental health issues because i have a thing of not telling anybody about my problems because my trust issues are really bad. 

Im so sorry for anybody who’s even read this far, once again, useless rant that i’ll probably delete in a few hours.",3.879699052894484,4.754054445609442,4.747464081703306,86.66686688592699,71.38532110091742,8.01275006800366,26.978139914439033,8.274761682518914,1.575849842973367,2934,96,625,43,53,952,338,763,0.159,0.755,0.086,-0.9966,0,0,2,0,0,1,94.0,2,2,7,4,33,34,10,1,48,0,54,25,12,4,8,97,97,56,2,4,14,5,8,5,5,2,6,3,1,7,35,51,3,5,5,5,2,11,9,17,0,6,40,21,88,17,90,51,15,117,0,1,8,6,54,60,8,6,48,410,123,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713760461890958,0.06314861487071552,0.059169514118614625,0.0,0.06520663929365751,0.14176135254602848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392080838778807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260210742857139,0.05524062695522214,0.0,0.11103290182817188,0.09087222620871856,0.04933719372906236,0.18010179603215296,0.0,0.050280740401603664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451033764023317,0.06563501980291739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758254966784838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090029927044448,0.0,0.06385466619535933,0.0,0.0,0.06538131428994899,0.0,0.1905389230794678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046898740588416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233568341553346,0.0,0.06590031780142776,0.1561120064603889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140848411427236,0.0,0.059754767773357274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05026142659067614,0.07145115570354198,0.0,0.1826093431770682,0.2185088496946456,0.1234871229748603,0.05668395157959314,0.06716375302567865,0.0,0.18903681380502516,0.0,0.0,0.2340312452561979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128557508426654,0.06280928547115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624312116504302,0.0,0.05868912225816614,0.058191171555839374,0.06818125192539412,0.0,0.0,0.12765341694786106,0.12334799562251915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665543437441028,0.06256715911695664,0.1284016455460253,0.0,0.0,0.14434051832095596,0.0,0.052177036405173335,0.10458454646464063,0.14886068076975698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055911833615242164,0.03944264364558415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190964655770823,0.06268453196300622,0.0,0.2076144276323164,0.0,0.0,0.043437519266492086,0.0,0.04557339993719189,0.0570689256451002,0.0,0.16635424070175514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292829897777512,0.08008103430165515,0.08988032623213303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640753314785429,0.08193032123498306,0.0,0.1852075877934404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659132617211132,0.0,0.12741676779974728,0.0565405903798745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284886678442345,0.11821081175765595,0.0,0.15141677041708404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046203792994623,0.056207565427061096,0.09398054967280907,0.0,0.2392065722499334,0.0,0.0,0.0616431472305713,0.0,0.06065443581537036,0.0,0.0,0.05913208911298385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614576286766717,0.0,0.06298145476622295,0.09437776700469737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463422989533521,0.0,0.05569107476129803,0.0,0.0,0.14248150159941386,0.05164675356931541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039256382010864566,0.0757242229807616,0.0,0.0,0.10336653998935864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04011783435525911,0.0,0.05772177286074338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034852468182732244,0.04690242759341342,0.14219389455132536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IcyContour,2020/02/10,"I Think I had a Bad Night Terror or Nightmare I decided to write this to get my thoughts out and to help me accept the very thing that I am afraid of. 

So, I've known for awhile that I have repressed memories and emotions from my abusive childhood. Recently to help me cope with my PTSD, anxiety, depression I've taken a real shining to mediation. **I can definitely say that it has helped me in many ways but bringing up things I wanted to forget was not something I was expecting this soon**. My uncle was sexually abusive and just plain old abusive to my entire household (he also sexually abused my mom when she was younger). Threatening to kill us and causing fights that felt like life-or-death situations. There is too much to go into to explain but I do remember this just not in vivid detail and it's very chunky? If that makes sense. I have a lot of anger towards him for ruining my family. My mom was an addict and also became abusive when I was around 12. What I did forget was how terrified I was of him. 

I had a dream where he showed up drunk to a dinner and my grandparents (his parents) just acted like it wasn't a problem. Things turned violent and he was trying to kill me with a knife (actually happened). I remember standing up to him but having a sense of true fear. He actually turned into the Roger Rabbit villain when his eyes start to bulge out of his head. He would have killed me if it wasn't for my husband who died protecting me. I remember thinking he really died and the whole experience felt so real. I was listening to his old voicemails, trying to figure out how I could possibly move on without him. His ghost showed up to help me get my life together and I remember thinking that he was the love of my life.  I thought it was real. **Everything felt so damn real**. I ran out of the room to find him.  I woke up in a state of panic and started crying uncontrollably to my husband. Fear was taking control of me and I had a panic attack even though I was in the arms of the man I love. The experience I had as a child seemed so present that I couldn't stop crying.  

*I will say that meditation helped me to accept the dream*. Yes, that did happen. Yes, the fear was real but once I was able to calm down I knew I had that dream because I needed to get rid of the anger I felt for him and realize that my anger stems from fear. That dream showed me that I have a protector who will cause me no harm. I do feel a little down today but before meditation I would have spiraled out of control from my night terror/nightmare. I know this got a shmoozy but I'm just a little proud of myself for not letting the a\*\*hole ruin the days where my memories let him in. I found something that is helping me cope but damn does it still suck.",2.0038597402597382,4.310523332727275,3.5803571428571423,86.88625000000002,80.2181818181818,6.619480519480518,23.63961038961039,7.772667728589733,1.2807610389610384,2163,76,434,37,56,715,237,550,0.26899999999999996,0.631,0.10099999999999999,-0.9991,5,0,2,0,2,1,61.0,1,0,0,3,24,38,13,10,29,2,46,10,3,7,1,94,85,36,6,10,18,5,5,2,0,4,3,3,1,2,30,23,2,5,26,8,0,5,8,29,0,0,37,11,81,9,69,40,3,52,0,3,3,2,44,27,3,5,19,308,111,0,0.05892329787245346,0.3490723638494304,0.11500127787122098,0.06423509208640123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424188004039973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045076161592268335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245422757107991,0.0,0.06703375777338727,0.0,0.0,0.04919849249570226,0.035919095476769726,0.0,0.05013938658350328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106091616883495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321749778273428,0.047045458718768834,0.0,0.12944895177595514,0.038000652524922365,0.0,0.050750550116390014,0.0,0.12230616080522452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051564175045281296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628077924743772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038918282525898094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295646073158138,0.11527658362731863,0.055547641194931836,0.2652203670337513,0.02979338985131837,0.0,0.2263024254583715,0.0,0.05385482676987627,0.0,0.0,0.0646063547738467,0.0,0.0,0.09235497350676923,0.0,0.033487468068847635,0.0,0.047126344054301085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421135542286204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047230298898501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23697026708455884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195569696648958,0.0,0.03238270353333481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050612850030948,0.12485780356876593,0.057573894019482874,0.11811324834794355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050094480734087864,0.10636115369806567,0.0,0.039331758876769214,0.05973897566536787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380205086377695,0.0,0.06262614059084896,0.04331540373780087,0.0436908787580279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059104695926383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366017830311875,0.0627513891857549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382675886391357,0.06542734918518747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642716496299954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056381638298739475,0.06887818201730929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33533806465222565,0.03774777343436653,0.0,0.05817964808942625,0.0,0.26699444031618463,0.0,0.0,0.0937163429523567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364155737878186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623225559804051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072406686817963,0.0,0.0,0.08341242702134465,0.0,0.04705622179526812,0.04926251543199588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044302986905185936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743806263340024,0.11326701017453734,0.057891840989761564,0.09355703342897287,0.0,0.0,0.055852396662705785,0.0,0.0,0.08001010285708246,0.1281832556686093,0.0,0.0,0.07087747230625005,0.0,0.0,0.09723578338347484,0.03475448773517912,0.04677057119739475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578575780231515,0.0,0.056799956466257115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371484043316961,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Rakim777,2020/02/10,best drug for ptsd and hypersexuality Hi im really anxious most of time and its horrible to live with i think im not normal person i fight everyday to bad thinking and hypersexuality im isolated and i need drug to go outside i tried propanolol but not enough do you have any medication or drug to sugest ?,0.9594999999999984,3.4733692833333367,4.253333333333334,75.25500000000002,97.83333333333334,7.066666666666666,22.66666666666667,7.908726449838941,1.9858666666666684,247,10,47,7,10,89,42,60,0.132,0.797,0.071,-0.3827,0,0,3,0,1,0,1.0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,14,6,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,7,6,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362444759546468,0.0,0.0,0.18876001619550767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951012299985602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534681585525932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5813013585814143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264486448653202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949590231783381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5414457902960602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754030816239613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832191919075795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389241133834995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370914715174545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589335594817476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531500169605198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703979426319213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412437278311627,0.0,0.0,0.0974293943238633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134406637743807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,antennaestoheaven,2020/02/10,"Broke up an intense fight at work, need advice I'm a teacher at a, for lack of a better term, urban public high school. I've seen and intervened in my fair share of fights. Last week was different though. I came out of my room after dismissal and saw two boys going after another in the hallway. Teachers were already there, but the campus security was outside dealing with another fight. Right as I entered the hallway the two boys started swinging at the other. The teachers tried to apprehend the two, so I went and grabbed the other one holding him up against the wall.

What I didn't realize is that I had grabbed the one who didn't want the fight to happen, so when the two boys broke free from the other teachers I ended up being a human shield. It's all a blur after that, I just remember them yelling in my face and throwing fists at me and the boy I was protecting. Eventually, other people got involved, but I couldn't move or I was putting the boy in more danger. The only injury I have is a bruise inside my lip, but after my adrenaline settled it triggered some other trauma I have from my parents growing up. Today at work when I looked down the empty hall I almost burst into tears.

What suggestions do you have so that I can go back to my normal self? I've always had trouble with people coming up behind me and I already know this will make things worse.",5.991342936802976,6.177343605947957,6.407767193308551,79.06696677509295,66.4721189591078,8.509386617100374,31.682388475836433,8.07648339933343,2.2966447955390343,1086,40,200,12,16,352,156,269,0.156,0.787,0.057,-0.9806,2,0,0,0,5,0,24.0,0,1,1,3,9,13,5,0,24,0,19,2,2,2,1,32,35,17,0,5,5,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,15,12,0,3,3,0,1,10,3,9,0,6,14,6,28,5,35,18,5,45,0,2,3,0,21,22,0,4,13,150,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249945191827304,0.0,0.0,0.12808579405432768,0.0,0.28230903349313485,0.0,0.1064333656116212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682546135225161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983567418526972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312812519543967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629771204592534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018520849416168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318720702174187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364123569813335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132924220776323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539113200620996,0.0,0.10230323318684896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311251496889285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351464759705276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029731113820603,0.1042656801635303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741420241984423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538252183073385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359506406241855,0.0,0.09484542557705443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253269959373019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335350847494016,0.09728314594764433,0.0,0.0,0.1420315854074561,0.0,0.0,0.17735670824458435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285872940134188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489981684016265,0.10923649271311774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945418010458049,0.0,0.0,0.13344053231884845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053705675124216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497931640070296,0.0,0.12567328587100585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124600103172407,0.0,0.0,0.08684412481117161,0.0,0.4998073228230837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544604900742373,0.0,0.10260361361524213,0.0,0.0,0.11857607848634108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624350469346432,0.0,0.130353665866105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,catgroves67,2020/02/10,"Do Something Different  

Do something different. I’ve heard it all my life, and I guess to some extent I’ve tried that, doing something different that is. In retrospect, I realize that it’s really difficult to make that *different* choice when you live in a tiny, tiny box, something that can happen when living with PTSD. Ironically enough, I went several decades before I began to understand that pretty much everything I uttered was false. Not a lie. False. I certainly wasn’t intentionally lying, but yet I was living a life built on things I consistently told myself – and did it to survive. Yes, survive. I had no clue what was going on in my head, my heart, and my soul. I just lived day to day in survival mode. If I got a little ahead, I gave it to someone, anyone who would take it. After all, I didn’t deserve it. Or so I thought and believed to the very core of me. Every choice I had made in my life for the past 30 or so years was based on this belief.

When the “soul” part of my attempt to survive was as dry, cracked, and broken as any soul could be, I picked up a book, “This Life I Live” by Rory Feek, sitting alone on the beach in Cancun. I was introduced to a God that loves me ***just as I am***. And just like that, this crazy, miraculous journey towards LIGHT and HOPE began. I’m learning how to live out of the box. It’s hard. It’s amazing. It’s terrifying. It’s liberating.

Back to the *different* choice I mentioned in the beginning.

Even after I began my journey to healing, the cracks were still wide open and some were still bleeding. Some still are. Some heal, and then I fall and they bleed, and then they bleed again…but they also heal. And the cracks are starting to fill. It’s hard. Often still I sob with frustration when the terror hits my spine, and I can’t speak because I have no saliva in my mouth. But I now have tools I never had before. I’m grateful.

It was only yesterday that I actually did the, “do something different”. It’s a very long story how I grew to the point that I have that ability. It’s just one piece that fits (ever so neatly) into my life’s puzzle. When that inevitable moment arrived (as predicted it would in this particular situation) and that feeling of rejection hit, I somehow was able to make a different choice, a choice that spoke of love for me. For me. The rewards of that different choice were many, almost shocking. And then I did it again.  And this morning, as I was flying high, the cold, icy fear hit. But this time, I was able to see that light in the dark of how it felt when I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth, and just jumped in. It felt good.",2.1572137826004223,4.4118303631067946,3.447652769845804,88.33034456501049,79.3495145631068,6.524652579478394,23.301922710831903,7.654269350097167,1.1122659432705118,2027,68,412,32,51,659,235,515,0.1,0.8059999999999999,0.094,0.1592,8,1,5,0,0,0,89.0,0,1,3,7,30,16,1,2,24,1,38,19,6,8,5,69,70,44,0,5,12,0,5,1,0,2,11,3,0,0,44,23,0,0,8,2,0,8,7,7,0,1,34,13,56,9,56,29,11,70,4,2,2,2,13,26,1,13,36,289,100,2,0.14011373671275676,0.0,0.06836539769107085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015183396524541,0.07255778757117311,0.0,0.056024452313746385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764107283471748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04898539125810302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386940741364587,0.0,0.042706016705705216,0.0,0.11922647007821985,0.07893010029182485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593470880330731,0.0,0.0,0.09036176885949693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5855561327045645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238747239349486,0.0,0.04627190082732648,0.06337044825975065,0.05902593311820496,0.0,0.06296259598576405,0.0,0.0,0.07883345386969688,0.035422857614353716,0.0,0.13453116001232848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03981493274809465,0.05876037735172406,0.0560308774413155,0.0,0.07717553877572703,0.0,0.06195105732118465,0.0,0.1255143869520166,0.0,0.07189855834065435,0.0,0.0,0.08301772631297819,0.0,0.07401892780749131,0.0,0.06958227765682481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24741618973923896,0.03422624716981957,0.07021538669277785,0.3711689895600569,0.061998123934313476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645811778877702,0.06628950274301712,0.0935270072567615,0.07102666865308141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149985908852428,0.0,0.054032175745378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047472347084285715,0.05328140526841895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586476143797427,0.06687720794605033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622638497779106,0.0,0.0,0.07127302101724206,0.0,0.0,0.08189273011599656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044880223777734415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582625378671088,0.0,0.0,0.07914432034793521,0.0,0.0,0.07874685530028917,0.0,0.0,0.059358957215228686,0.2696659996482765,0.0,0.0,0.049586612003367184,0.0,0.2237900222621994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267404631915476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04654267039242162,0.0,0.0,0.055617328046831664,0.04085072332101576,0.0,0.0,0.06694233993565697,0.0,0.047564014960365684,0.0,0.0,0.0729316706471511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156085066856048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494341883609264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995327785012449,0.0,0.0,0.045114326316854574
ptsd,akg720,2020/02/10,"PTSD from traumatic relationship vent/input So... this is my first time posting here... Not sure where I’m going with this. I’ve had my fair share of rough relationships, sure, who hasn’t? But the last few years has been beyond bad. Like ending a 10 year relationship, losing a job I loved bc of my mental health, trying to move on with someone else and dealing with mental torture that led to a suicide attempt bad. I feel so stupid and pathetic even typing this. I mean people have been through so much worse. Yeah I was sexually abused as a child but that was forever ago and I was never physically abused in my relationships. But on top of depression, anxiety, and avoidant personality disorder, I’ve also just been diagnosed with PTSD stemming from the last couple years. Maybe this is considered complex-PTSD and should be posted there instead? Sorry. 

It felt dumb to me hearing that. I know it’s possible. I guess I’m just in denial. But then I think about it. We didn’t even have a long relationship. 9 months. That’s nothing. But the last 3 months he inflicted more damage than I’d known in 10 years. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since my suicide attempt in September 2018. I’ve sought help. I’m on meds again and in therapy. I’m better than I used to be. Then today I got a message from his gf. There’s a whole backstory to her but it’s honestly just too complicated to explain right now. As soon as I saw her name everything came back. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I was lightheaded and dizzy. My chest was tight. I started sweating and felt like I couldn’t breathe. Like I was about to pass out. (Panic attack, I know) I could see him again perfectly. In my face screaming. I could hear him. Feel his skin. Smell him. Everything. I was watching a movie with my kids (they’re 13 and 11) so I calmly got up and went outside and just completely broke down.

I mean come on, it’s been a year and half. I feel like I’m doing better and then this happens and it’s like being kicked in the teeth right back to square one.",1.3245522388059712,3.906951594527364,2.6918686567164194,90.08335522388063,86.53731343283579,6.0020696517412935,21.224079601990045,7.404127859558343,0.8752332736318409,1599,53,326,28,50,516,210,402,0.16899999999999998,0.715,0.11599999999999999,-0.968,1,1,0,0,2,2,60.0,1,0,0,8,26,27,4,2,13,1,29,11,8,2,4,62,61,32,2,4,12,0,8,5,1,1,2,3,0,3,16,24,0,2,12,0,0,7,6,13,0,3,22,17,43,14,45,32,4,56,0,4,5,1,29,20,1,2,32,202,59,2,0.0,0.18146383575429226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788140995588793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123906821295728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058581644027981286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711805967995429,0.0,0.11776687424702985,0.12787817206649174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545330439723435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758435839072179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596481007905032,0.0802901424375207,0.0,0.0,0.12228194320204608,0.08473164287188137,0.0,0.0,0.07894812911375612,0.06595616299442263,0.07772463829564974,0.0,0.0,0.08776454843636937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397074725311921,0.0,0.06782501215798495,0.0,0.0,0.10115754725236517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764599389010027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615978581611346,0.05470704305688552,0.1470529839118446,0.0,0.0,0.06513685591002479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043520807107588995,0.0,0.1224921827506614,0.0,0.08435884490206515,0.0,0.0677173067915201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139839346113703,0.17261701082485187,0.09074480864345147,0.05132834200751319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599143843074957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417007766601223,0.18726286087977176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870597032674461,0.0,0.0,0.06776875424728117,0.0,0.08567073144340301,0.0,0.0,0.06911426155476184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693247831070425,0.16683088225360468,0.0850604353587398,0.0,0.15434439179103449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224699781444047,0.08138985542124559,0.056293337166742737,0.0,0.05906135552446658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734782595024379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051890954418316426,0.0,0.0,0.08984729812991149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053089256423285935,0.06686459474814553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632972272239572,0.14668031962761052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685453018425119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110783473985217,0.0,0.13079368082158113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061022421862737486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334577083784483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488394049077534,0.0,0.0,0.08572233852528906,0.05420200982810083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752690105015305,0.0,0.1443469379308873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875731439021355,0.0,0.0,0.04906782532622602,0.0,0.0,0.04465300647643298,0.0,0.07258659796723807,0.0,0.0,0.05199115451103238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661384476941911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098818983207268,0.0,0.08549614052202807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803910279319587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24656727487736535
ptsd,smolderlng,2020/02/10,"Not officially diagnosed but... Tonight I was looking for more information and something just CLICKED with me. I had trauma when I was younger, and after looking at articles and journals about disassociation it just really really described exactly what I go through. I don’t want to hurt the people I love because when I get into these states I am totally not myself and they have no fucking clue what’s going on because when I get there I cannot speak or formulate what my thought process is at all. 

I’m definitely going into therapy now. In a way, I’m super relieved to find out something is really wrong with me because now I know the steps I can take to fix it, and now I know things I can do to help ground me back into reality. Hopefully things will get better from here...",6.40273333333333,6.766542340000001,7.351333333333336,72.04233333333336,65.6,10.666666666666668,36.0,10.504223727775694,3.890800000000002,621,29,113,15,9,209,94,150,0.077,0.772,0.151,0.8809,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,12,9,1,0,3,0,13,3,0,0,3,27,31,10,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,11,0,0,5,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,4,4,20,5,19,26,3,24,0,1,3,2,5,9,1,2,9,87,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342314511907793,0.0,0.31732135202250433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346086074715226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611515565736194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859054185265886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041280806552066,0.27196495039919216,0.0,0.2958395388962288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630416223877688,0.0,0.0,0.1723406062040841,0.0,0.0,0.18575253861252605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071978532027048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914195905101523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566050251087728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029419324095998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334765072182597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671622914169207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046248814441838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843074484390846,0.0,0.23055272980130964,0.0,0.0,0.13775237537229773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234427204242044,0.13772897758353025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897125804034114,0.0,0.0
ptsd,atomictartar,2020/02/10,"It's been one year So I got a severe illness, I almost died and that implies I was in a hospital for a long time. I felt very happy after I left, treasuring life a lot, I didn't get flashbacks or anything just recently, I've been starting to do stupid things without much tought, all I can think about it's the abuse, the hospital abuse, the way the made whatever they wanted with my body, the odors, the pain, the dreams, the drugs, I'm getting so desperate cause I was okay, I was happy, I didn't have anything mentally and now I feel so broken.",3.626148648648648,4.685665702702702,4.704132882882885,86.0491722972973,72.15315315315316,8.072522522522524,27.388513513513516,8.472884824447931,1.7959810810810803,427,15,89,7,8,140,75,111,0.254,0.618,0.128,-0.9481,0,0,1,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,12,1,10,5,1,2,1,15,20,6,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,10,3,13,4,7,10,3,10,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,7,58,17,0,0.0,0.3968535636979207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676988874746778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756301604942737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860234947723685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203974369502273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380936162673646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942142014786076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467880990886162,0.0,0.16079925918916368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499428082862933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394255402921826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565538414633675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195867778143685,0.0,0.11829033516942646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820733574053746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237859581383785,0.0,0.1584659335743238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168772256092937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311109469393018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348327394819845,0.0,0.17820187831427198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535826858624433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891955451779586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853745221718508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126086951307013,0.10730921267412527,0.0,0.0,0.09765419471234564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818183259036165,0.0987792485210228,0.13293137597022436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143690732879018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784639409789697
ptsd,hunkerdown,2020/02/10,"PTSD coming in waves Im a recovering heroin addict.  I’m still at the beginning stages of dealing with PTSD, stemming from trauma related to my addiction, incarceration, and physical trauma from being hit by a car 7 or 8 years ago on my bike.  
I don’t really want to get into all the details of things that happened to me, or things I witnessed happening to people close to me.  
My reason for coming here is more about what I’m experiencing now.  
I relocated to another state 3 years ago to get treatment and I’ve been off of heroin since I left my home state.  I met my soon to be wife, had a baby and work a good job with benefits.  Everything was getting so much better.
But I left with active warrants in 3 counties and we took a flight back to one of those counties to start taking care of it.   
Pretty much the whole time we were there I was fine.  Saw the judge, explained why I left and let him know I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get this out of the way of my life.  
It went well, but I have two other counties to appear at in the near future.  Everything went better than expected. 
Since we came back home It’s like a switch was flipped and everything feels out of control.  I don’t feel safe anymore.  I don’t know what’s going to happen and I’m having a really hard time coping with the reality that I’ll probably be locked in a cage again at some point. I found myself curled up at the foot of my bed yesterday crying with my entire body convulsing as I remembered very specific events that have taken place over the last 10 years.  
I can’t sleep, I can’t handle my daughter when she cries, I keep flipping out in anger over the smallest triggers.  (Wife burned her hand on a hot plate, screamed in pain, and I flipped out.  Yelling at her and had to leave the house for a walk to cool down.). 
Anyway I’m wondering what I can do to stop myself from emotionally hurting the people I love during this time.  I’m not violent, never physically hurt anyone, but I’m so afraid of ruining the life I’ve built while I learn how to process all of this and move forward.  It’s so strange to me because right now I’m totally fine.  I can think of all the worst memories or possible outcomes and be totally willing to go through it, but my episodes have been triggered so quickly and randomly that I don’t see how I can stop myself in the moment.   
Is it normal to be able to recall memories and be fine with it one day, and then have a completely insane reaction throughout my entire body over the same thoughts another day?   
Again, I’m not worried that I’m going to do any physical damage to anybody, I just don’t want my family to see me like this and remember it for the rest of our lives together.  I don’t want to scare them or cause their own traumas and issues in life because of my inability to rationalize this.  
I have my first emdr session coming up on Thursday and I’m going back to work in the morning so I think that will help.   Mostly wondering if it’s normal to be fine one day and completely fucked the next, and what you guys have found that helps you with this.",5.371585381827709,5.446610560581583,6.261250491202028,79.96999476051174,67.78836833602585,9.664428240841813,30.461555254770122,9.498858831193498,2.547380439243768,2423,85,491,46,37,804,291,619,0.122,0.7659999999999999,0.11199999999999999,-0.9383,1,0,0,0,1,0,49.0,4,2,2,6,24,30,3,2,30,1,41,13,5,7,6,94,100,39,0,7,12,3,5,2,0,2,6,2,3,1,31,39,0,5,16,1,0,16,11,15,1,5,18,12,60,15,91,71,15,94,0,4,3,2,22,38,1,11,40,329,91,5,0.06909561342174084,0.0,0.0,0.15064883505058635,0.0,0.0,0.12249818461524002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046987386516327695,0.14490555046042408,0.0,0.0,0.06852428196918693,0.048313259457513975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159390785110907,0.0,0.08424008923919182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221891015212692,0.0,0.15349930004103882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902697447302638,0.07044758286470253,0.07098022824681469,0.0,0.1785592584572971,0.14489087214727514,0.0,0.07749660577174493,0.0,0.0,0.15179657372745994,0.13368286355863165,0.07123454345961074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772326508414436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629604609776346,0.0,0.06513719498190003,0.0,0.0698736364738437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058772693479022274,0.0,0.15151954745318055,0.0,0.06387778121651796,0.14439842478633794,0.0,0.15707451766644592,0.05795412231898156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841552048439069,0.18330306827123352,0.0,0.06189609786428413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262666640714276,0.0,0.1386170679479358,0.0,0.0,0.0797270609340514,0.14793656647488268,0.0,0.07463511936227292,0.07211786880835308,0.06856673469302453,0.06141535596090932,0.0,0.0,0.07594628426037818,0.05632214700739424,0.0,0.07316227799463737,0.2252177584612733,0.07065494609476541,0.14641282547948273,0.0675132531272358,0.0,0.06101269254171774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236148878597979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343770217559134,0.10158645221631067,0.0,0.05329079668029853,0.0,0.07348396874666507,0.0,0.13539806153098466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404629275893062,0.0,0.0735226042836988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958043967951112,0.0,0.07219020977405799,0.0,0.06531768835950565,0.07789492232632415,0.0,0.07029507917132866,0.07449675771212091,0.0,0.16153814907516276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852883850453253,0.07104179845571447,0.0,0.0,0.15654372124396676,0.059007276330149,0.0,0.0,0.06917676286238209,0.0,0.11012051611580137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431321087366328,0.0,0.06914551344741046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890623081307873,0.0,0.055179846133044684,0.11553405343467756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390260447591997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180811065350664,0.08854735824412592,0.0,0.05485419900194759,0.1208706235152636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676776886888181,0.0,0.0,0.06749637432773435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057011117350965736,0.1222631490052704,0.054844881798104185,0.0,0.0,0.06212525451572621,0.1281046517625651,0.06234804397794873,0.07714278483876333,0.0,0.0,0.14986249066868598,0.1006048589916229,0.0701699494106684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133485928964787
ptsd,Shenina,2020/02/10,"My parents deny abusing me at all cost I had to bring my mom to my therapist one time, for my ADHD treatment. She basically had to explain to my therapist how my childhood went.

At some point I mentioned, that my parents abused me and she denied it „we never hit you, we are not like that.“
But somehow I was always a troublesome child.

 I always bring up to them that one moment that made me realise my parents are completely unstable, when I was  5yo, talking to mom and told her „I don‘t like it when dad is home, he always gets mad“
My dad unfortunately came home that moment and heard me.
He asked me „what do you mean?“

Completely terrified I replied „You are never in a good mood...“

He later asked mom to make him a cold drink.

Mom told me to do it...

I brought it to him..

Him: „do you think that‘s cold?“

Me: „I tried it and it was cold“ [takes a sip to make sure my 5 year old ass wasn‘t tripping] 

He then proceeded to slap me in the face.

I still don‘t know if he slapped me because I said he isn‘t make me happy or if he was in a bad mood in general.

Fact is, that a normal parent would have questioned why his child isn‘t feeling safe, comfortable and loved instead of fucking slapping a 5 year old.

He still denies that he slapped me, til this day. Physical abuse was a monthly if not weekly form of disciplination. 

They don‘t understand now why I‘m not visiting that often.",2.391496350364964,4.3967106605839446,3.7143270072992713,87.95366569343065,77.43065693430657,6.719766423357665,25.193576642335767,7.699297019823105,1.3199207591240882,1067,39,219,16,25,349,144,274,0.166,0.77,0.064,-0.9831,4,0,1,0,4,0,35.0,1,3,2,0,9,13,2,0,9,0,22,5,2,5,5,40,49,15,0,5,8,10,1,2,0,1,0,2,2,2,16,7,1,2,7,1,1,7,11,3,0,2,16,6,43,8,22,31,3,37,0,0,0,3,46,8,2,8,24,142,59,0,0.0,0.3176425050979472,0.0,0.0,0.10739725710895023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307214099449293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708514578234926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461457862701805,0.0544750059952939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220774804699982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739132876450165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763190154548939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754196121902078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045184742801230915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826148819680256,0.046688608280148466,0.0,0.0,0.07495365186079911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951288382456774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927724615943935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049111703557878215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731673724668643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065381948601301,0.08455766512329606,0.17895198407792515,0.0,0.0,0.09734277383050084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186446198445404,0.07132889126378572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378448904730102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755700854860966,0.0,0.0,0.18754339064017334,0.0,0.1211096979541835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969092419294749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844771532679574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010728849702212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500491197415365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273120914589585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422380282549938,0.0,0.06719004042933861,0.07182679300304222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751523512022524,0.0,0.057260360414861225,0.0,0.0,0.052108428026890544,0.0,0.0,0.17078082437254066,0.0,0.060671778826425264,0.0,0.0,0.09303029180006847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716818065193417,0.0,0.0,0.08284062535802841,0.16127286189594686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348108678629384,0.0,0.0,0.11509400249243945
ptsd,ko1298,2020/02/10,"Struggling with Memory Loss I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to an emotionally abusive childhood. I’ve always had a terrible long term memory, and learning that this is because of trauma and PTSD has been hard to deal with. Does anyone have any advice on coming to terms with not being able to remember (good OR bad things)? Or any advice on being able to remember more?",6.084782608695655,7.790190231884061,6.722434782608698,71.44539130434784,66.97101449275362,10.157681159420287,29.74202898550725,10.355215969177356,3.468736811594203,302,11,48,8,5,99,51,69,0.257,0.743,0.0,-0.961,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,13,9,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,1,1,1,12,4,3,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,6,32,4,1,0.34510205797746635,0.2044447535985843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372297369944558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143576278893358,0.0,0.0,0.23468123347849426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065169148018033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407290174429635,0.10518550571078378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863743276152874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778925341971265,0.0,0.17513566225293833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510005682689052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940966828787624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472761648762894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545718294977758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270223079080592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034058381350781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703733244151305,0.0,0.39093335806282403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038780034403912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463523643737936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IdLikeToDieThanks,2020/02/10,"Anyone heard of someone being born with PTSD, or PTSD with one’s birth being the trauma that caused it? Or at least having it since infancy? I’m just feeling alone in all this. I’d never even considered PTSD until my therapist pointed out that I have all of the symptoms. He did so when I told him about the circumstances of my birth. Basically the doctors had to do an emergency c-section because the umbilical cord wrapped around my. My mom had the c-section done without anesthetics and because of that, as well as how traumatic the situation was as a whole, she developed PTSD. My Dad wasn’t around much in my first few months, if not more, so as a result the only behavior that I had to model or copy from was my Mom’s PTSD symptoms. I also became a trigger for my Mom’s own PTSD, so she essentially wanted nothing to do with me. The neglect has obviously had serious side effects that have followed me into adulthood. I have no empathy or sympathy, I’m unable to form relationships with anyone or anything, and of course there’s all the PTSD symptoms as well. I’ve mostly come to sort of accept the attachment disorder side of things (Not being to form relationships, that sort of thing), but in regards to my supposed PTSD, I don’t know, I just feel like it isn’t real. I mean how stupid is it to be traumatized by your own birth. And obviously I don’t remember my own birth vividly, I only do through body sensations. So I guess in a way I still remember it, but I just feel like I don’t have a valid reason to be feeling this way and I was wondering if anyone else had any experience with this. 

Thanks in advance and sorry if this was long and rambling.",5.714633027522937,6.0708111896024475,6.70026146788991,76.14617201834864,67.07339449541284,9.96507645259939,33.16957186544343,9.888512548439397,3.1970992048929663,1317,55,250,28,20,441,162,327,0.076,0.8540000000000001,0.07,-0.2368,1,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,0,3,19,10,1,0,17,0,31,5,1,7,6,62,47,30,0,4,16,4,4,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,17,16,0,1,12,0,0,3,10,4,2,2,14,6,31,6,44,28,14,30,0,1,1,0,13,13,0,13,14,192,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727277186451398,0.0,0.0596650596357823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073690744672603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650574900736955,0.07644608241416351,0.061397127009963075,0.1328362555940413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096231835638724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287415364773615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664434092018929,0.0,0.06426933723979876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550876375443482,0.07636581762221413,0.0,0.07635125529398437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232652718571791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049278763259699605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298224774150036,0.0,0.0,0.15089888966298098,0.10660185015015462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346266371728831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219059595068202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04100334026986766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290070653650099,0.0,0.0,0.06602691519645261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127144018698004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621446603772123,0.05955246077168973,0.0,0.054846447164593616,0.0,0.057543320014001025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158967082746757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055721748018737,0.11348752523328033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052993908862627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6977145763060429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492175927324805,0.0,0.07671082433674062,0.0,0.16020501178900748,0.16903566861207012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171761434336975,0.0838640205050116,0.0,0.0,0.06321624890379292,0.0,0.0,0.08351904412464445,0.0,0.0,0.05958311269778788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326430048346489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869025319014745,0.0,0.0866271904698697,0.09913425620016372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129241856845016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400651987081754,0.11844283745171025,0.0,0.0,0.13416550790171708,0.0,0.0,0.08329866001776795,0.0,0.07192073817747012,0.08091064307386829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,whyAmILikeThis101111,2020/02/10,"I would like to share trauma stories Message me if you want to talk about your trauma, and want to hear about mine. I have been really wanting to talk about it but dont really have anyone to talk about it with.",2.1277906976744205,4.145850558139537,3.1466860465116286,91.64933139534887,78.30232558139534,6.16046511627907,17.726744186046513,7.1686216300943375,0.06565581395348863,166,3,35,2,4,53,28,43,0.087,0.7829999999999999,0.13,-0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,9,3,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,6,2,10,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838595063480969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081733505985641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963617497172573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846321621959148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369027204493913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6340434467111157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652810113223839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679086816180346,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,wingman880,2020/02/10,"Stolen souls 

The traumatic events that caused started at a very young age, I can still remember the first time piece of my soul was stolen from me,  and the next and the next, then the escape helped a little and military service brought its own trauma.  Never had a chance in hell at having a normal regular relationship.  This desease sucks, I go to sleep every night praying I don’t wake up the next day, that I just die, wishing that it was I who died instead of others.  During the day most people don’t even imagine, the meds and therapy keep me highly functional, of course people don’t understand the sudden withdrawals,  the chills, the nightmares that ruin the whole day, the long periods of silence when I’m dealing with a flash back or the hyper-vigilance, and the recurrent saying to myself “this is not that”....  even therapy is starting to get old...I wish I could die tonight!",8.834819277108434,7.603276186746992,8.14105421686747,73.65326807228917,61.228915662650614,11.191566265060242,36.41265060240964,10.125756701596842,3.5622915662650603,701,26,125,12,8,220,110,166,0.207,0.7440000000000001,0.049,-0.9841,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,2,0,20,0,11,2,2,1,1,20,22,8,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,1,10,0,13,17,4,31,4,1,0,0,5,6,2,2,23,86,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753140017273346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029864381447834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127066046876088,0.0,0.0,0.24540208242719103,0.1307654911062832,0.0,0.0,0.3949167259113837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755199260646844,0.0,0.1068673701812868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788923116747373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626816855668229,0.0,0.07208555514425836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850175415887622,0.13401242031335928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274037557704016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271260499532021,0.0,0.1122485678924421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088959077640478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782609476953336,0.0,0.40468430602259947,0.11902985614877527,0.12427533855801808,0.0,0.0,0.13309624639121065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586845354258693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617767155260074,0.14368391789917898,0.0,0.0,0.10086750353776164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693065168408602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955466490932226,0.0,0.10129382920588118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901030157049944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396087009040203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204392431002382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465549994215848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416112696850061,0.2917172956938666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bubtigharv,2020/02/10,"What people/parents say I have PTSD from growing up with an emotionally and physically abusive father as well as other situations that have happened after. Basically all my mental health illnesses all go back to him and all he did. My mom back then didn’t protect me and my brother and sometimes I feel like she even encouraged some of it which since I’ve been going to therapy I started seeing it clearer and resent her for it. I was the one that took most of the abuse from him too because I played competitive tennis for 15 years. Me and my mom used to be so close like best friends but that has sadly recently changed since she just can’t understand any of my mental heath illnesses as well as I push her away because of the resentment. She changed once she saw the consequences of what my dad did but it was to late for that but in least I’ve been able to cut him out with her help. 

Yesterday and not just yesterday she’ll say comments that hurt me and also push me away. We were talking about what I should do with all my medications and treatment and so on and then she goes. “Why can’t you just live in them moment and just move on”. I couldn’t even really answer her I was shocked you can’t just move on from a life full of abuse by your own father! I’ve also had other people tell me and read all these things on how to forget the past live in the moment and move on like for some people that’s not the case and I hate how people don’t understand that. She has been supportive of me getting away from him though and going to all my appointments and trying to find me help. I’ve literally tried explaining to her how I feel a million times I’d pour my heart out and we’d be crying but she still says comments like that. She also once told me when I have kids I’ll understand and I’ll be more like my dad!!! I’m the opposite of him I hate him why would I ever treat anymore like that it’s like she has to personalities one understands more and helps more and probably hates him and one where she acts standoffish and says things like that. She’s even said she wishes I never played tennis. I was so confused because she wouldn’t let me quit and pushed me to play a lot of tournaments. Or that I had to apologize to her and my dad the day after he screamed at me and then throw all my trophies at me while I sat crying in the corner and at the walls breaking them all because I lost my first match after surgery... I think she probably blocked a lot out because she feels guilty as well as I remember every little thing and she doesn’t because it wasn’t happening to her. I was going to ask what comments trigger you and make you mad but it kind of turned into more of a vent.",3.9199475949840914,4.9691566058394185,4.704598540145987,86.35981003181735,71.44525547445254,8.029271944600412,26.095077671720013,8.384062270229773,1.5164728991203442,2132,66,450,33,39,688,228,548,0.139,0.745,0.11599999999999999,-0.978,1,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,2,5,2,4,32,33,7,1,17,0,37,6,1,6,10,92,71,56,0,5,13,8,3,8,1,4,5,6,0,2,29,38,0,2,12,4,0,14,12,13,3,5,21,11,87,20,68,40,21,66,0,3,2,0,71,26,0,7,33,332,116,1,0.06577910046782526,0.23381243332879514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578105686363563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473204397958997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523519229251774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149457941156378,0.0,0.1854048906152958,0.1011601359164038,0.0,0.2405899746338957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903110769298562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391711325949923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451050623060907,0.04242207803253944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739926344014291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033942644458088,0.059500962297720825,0.05542172917348279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977966891207313,0.046992602517500114,0.0,0.0,0.06012090613870985,0.05595166925466312,0.0,0.0,0.05082076984932804,0.0,0.03436686506218778,0.0,0.14953511470332095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633648260976505,0.0,0.0,0.19482973026823375,0.0,0.069920107827887,0.0,0.0779485507683934,0.13227103343896338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041788752652227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849881077654094,0.0,0.0,0.07420169046365177,0.0,0.0,0.06726358689875941,0.046461723979536594,0.2570907668629985,0.06592793945850024,0.11616830168415253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180565854701021,0.1118460778697042,0.0,0.0,0.043908060345359504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626552340898254,0.13257972372404636,0.0,0.0,0.15407937491816012,0.0,0.20973832130482936,0.0,0.0,0.050732897433700616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010519040126848,0.133720862560497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279359445690046,0.13680883770970598,0.057435773310322485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184199162289965,0.0,0.07689224837287761,0.0,0.0,0.06996417025705315,0.06579690122660159,0.0,0.042139776129820235,0.0,0.06494892606216811,0.0,0.07451489796075889,0.0,0.06257098780734098,0.209240723487141,0.0,0.0,0.052417426624009625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882630329890694,0.07393846496210693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505721232992294,0.0,0.046558785874298785,0.0,0.05253127460393328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464534369328063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287074928799732,0.057493833140094215,0.0,0.07522413409040822,0.0,0.1311021344635328,0.042148591536117566,0.06462763223090331,0.0,0.038356322464302345,0.0,0.0,0.06285474939842896,0.07308300094674433,0.08931938272819417,0.07154877236479516,0.0,0.2739134536463198,0.0,0.056812022912402935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177429933218887,0.0,0.11871081377526176,0.0,0.07564271924040153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046727585677751,0.0,0.0,0.0423595840487558
ptsd,herpesfreesince03121,2020/02/11,"Major Ptsd I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd about 3 months ago and I’ve been talking with therapists about it, but it stills keeps me up all night and isn’t getting better. Is there any type of medication for ptsd?",2.884285714285717,5.180756714285717,3.395476190476192,89.42035714285717,77.09523809523809,7.057142857142857,22.404761904761905,8.07648339933343,1.081790476190477,170,5,35,3,4,53,32,42,0.0,0.9059999999999999,0.094,0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,7,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,7,4,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,20,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079311695194345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636739244804384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903581419727648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845931034765034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124515666679874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131103418878284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168269322770725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717987720510764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019837592575997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7547956828626414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718871976710495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729979902905696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499047857319306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cmd297,2020/02/11,"Looking for local support So I have finally reached a point where I cant just ignore my problems. I have taken steps to get the help that I need but was considering also finding a support group that meets nearby. Lately I am struggling with feeling alone and like a burden on people around me so I think I could benefit from talking to others that understand more.

I don't really know what to do now. Does anyone have any insight on where I might start looking to find a group near me?",4.592345864661652,6.033629978947372,5.3533834586466185,80.85368421052634,70.26315789473685,7.533834586466164,29.360902255639097,7.957251820313856,2.050984962406015,388,15,70,5,7,126,69,95,0.12,0.684,0.196,0.6841,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,17,22,5,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,3,12,4,11,18,1,13,0,0,2,0,5,8,0,1,5,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947805003945843,0.0,0.1503969624942027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278918819978992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150068849492536,0.0,0.0,0.16741933614414806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015604712928274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645785355089523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509223148186427,0.0,0.0,0.2060180011244261,0.3437793201225917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825714767642804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126057220546674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335660211099464,0.0,0.2121475567973584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187994526193068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158575143436417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995091687534344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394491589321653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038184838757313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778392695126058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995454116454734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048041620168012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331146582910039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19660826674131615,0.0,0.0,0.4268319816402534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116098053033894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205056200332434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19578418497574135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,longingggforsoop,2020/02/11,"Is this considered sexual abuse? Background info: My abuser is 46 or 47 and I'm 12. He has been convicted of pedophilia before (it was a girl online who was posing as 13 or 14 and she was overage and trying to catch pedos). Hes way bigger than me and is a lot lot stronger.

My abuser would come up to me and hug and touch on me (not on genitals or breasts). Everytime he did I would push him away and try to get him off me but after awhile he started holding my wrists to wear I couldn't even attempt to push him away.

When I would just be laying on my bed and being on my phone or smth he would walk into my room and get in the bed with me. He'd start rubbing his face on me and touching my face with his hands many times his chest would start touching/rubbing against mine while he was doing these things. I told him to stop and get out but he wouldn't listen. If I was pushing him off me he would constrain my wrists in one of his hands. A couple of times his leg or smth would touch my privates (there was covers and clothes in between the two) not trying to stimulate it but like his leg would just be right by my privates to wear if I'd move itd touch his leg.

He'd constantly make ""jokes"" about my body and come up with sexual related nicknames for me such as ""ms. Boobs"" (yes that's one he actually said). When I'd just be doing something normal he'd try pointing out how I was trying to show off my chest or butt to him to him. His ""jokes"" would make everything I said seem like it was supposed to be sexual or have sexual meaning. When he forced me to go out with him or watch TV with him he'd talk about how the women were so hot and he wanted to fuck them (they usually looked 15-25) sometimes even going into more detail. Everytime he'd do something nice for me he'd ""jokingly"" say you owe me a blowjob now or when you turn 18 you better give me a blowjob for this. He'd also try to discuss porn with me.

He also did these things to my mom but more intensely than what he did to me

Would this count as sexual abuse? I've been struggling with it the answer for a long time.",2.6806787048567884,3.7845330662100487,3.864902449149025,90.99331880448321,74.50228310502283,7.044250726442508,23.09007887090079,7.463857097105799,0.7244283105022831,1625,43,366,19,33,530,198,438,0.069,0.89,0.040999999999999995,-0.9288,3,0,2,0,4,0,41.0,0,3,2,2,22,10,1,1,10,1,48,20,17,5,0,76,73,42,0,16,20,1,8,2,0,11,0,4,3,2,15,28,0,3,4,5,1,10,4,2,0,3,17,14,66,8,62,31,4,52,0,0,2,6,56,24,3,14,19,248,81,0,0.0,0.3813738511307165,0.07852684136723011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870321619154762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512079065808099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847380706329162,0.0,0.0,0.07116893034309811,0.0,0.0893837212157868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386350814991999,0.0,0.08695918274529764,0.0,0.0,0.0890382175058745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629898570756796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232099796135404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439296187818141,0.12612632639025134,0.07719389040504725,0.09146559556589602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862688356601384,0.0,0.0,0.07121317227255126,0.06757430017222184,0.0,0.0,0.13682496107163356,0.0,0.0,0.1074283293953943,0.08158366850094123,0.0,0.08765511842638234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424516655683893,0.0,0.08552658020246454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884324281483919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090567332223589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606989797640493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687207034271404,0.1530902671603129,0.06399275323512119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325661322984135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238990477153709,0.07958661326363638,0.0,0.17087065150951558,0.0,0.0,0.06727629129497069,0.0,0.08412442591860346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467851489245488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069210161324148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076762711723348,0.0,0.0,0.0768922684050313,0.0,0.3278019568723165,0.0875279507336931,0.07860722627886413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886260307746477,0.0,0.04746312729213117,0.06387312024802573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5716338215076125,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nemo1027,2020/02/11,"Coping skills to use at work? Title says it all. I’m currently working for a company that has shot down every single one that I’ve asked if I could try and I’m running out of ideas. Anything helps, really can’t afford to lose another job",1.6371428571428552,3.859511081632654,3.885061224489796,84.66351020408162,81.04081632653063,7.185306122448982,22.044897959183675,8.238735603445708,1.4621314285714289,189,6,37,4,5,65,43,49,0.057999999999999996,0.8859999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.0258,3,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,7,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,7,6,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,20,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932390136778254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301293822824373,0.0,0.26143643144423445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327899217174246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356184762662109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874445265291187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156925393679225,0.0,0.0,0.2775109937280563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31285853126643737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949911494631289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915193174192945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223901219617142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986503284279524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415291343638935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071792906229282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,studbug,2020/02/11,"And to top things off, I think I am developing PTSD now. On Friday I came home to my door kicked in and my belongings stolen. For the second time in just over two years, this has happened. I literally moved out of the city into a better area to get away from this sort of thing. I guess you never really do. So between all the rage, crying, paranoia and shutting people out that are just trying to be helpful, I think I’m developing some fucking PTSD. 

I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept for more than an hour at a time since last Thursday. I have literally confronted two people that turned out to be innocent while I was armed out of my own paranoia, almost had a psych hold put on me, and I think I’ve developed some kind of supersonic hearing because every damn sound is like turned up to 10 now. I used to sleep with a fan on, now I need complete silence. I hear everything. I spent an hour investigating a sound in the basement yesterday. It was rain. I thought someone was trying to drill in from below or something, I don’t know. 

I’m angry about a lot of things. I was just restarting my business, I finally felt like I had a home, I finally escaped the toxicity of my family. I have plenty to be angry about but I think I am most angry that I am now traumatized for life because I can’t sleep without leaping up every time the furnace fires up.",4.13148538011696,5.157433177777778,5.466920077972709,81.17798245614037,70.92592592592592,8.350877192982457,28.654970760233933,8.6894789155246,2.0968888888888895,1058,39,212,18,19,355,146,270,0.1,0.851,0.049,-0.9169,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,2,10,8,4,0,15,0,22,7,5,1,2,36,44,8,0,1,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,9,11,0,1,7,0,1,3,6,4,0,3,11,6,33,4,46,30,7,43,0,0,0,1,4,23,2,8,19,151,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697776194805723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037306810027838,0.0,0.0,0.13024874278143775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448505773914792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218842790759615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201230974544536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173509730645744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002272684730056,0.0,0.0960145619048779,0.0,0.1007125922031282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257638038033952,0.23406053753310435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876533572388964,0.05581580414355266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768853283939808,0.0,0.09447202001617627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24081698570770724,0.0,0.07160787076869034,0.0,0.2143243079551251,0.0,0.21041786098496013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125007181921563,0.05871259238430295,0.08708310858544854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545926813868459,0.1043863607021957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082554904707586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135465129193896,0.0,0.07921527468487817,0.08239615285451105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812902441337622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497639902604913,0.10739661669800596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843991987221049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837331568659475,0.0,0.32073029397904085,0.0,0.09051920720421372,0.08224522007550139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21292518380064365,0.2738169484879721,0.0,0.08481342459170232,0.18688544722893274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506511325832686,0.2324071315669089,0.20872052672049266,0.0,0.0,0.09226936289183438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298314617297416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879691361401116
ptsd,traumathrowaway21,2020/02/11,"Need advice on trauma recovery I was assaulted by an acquaintance a few months ago, and I've been suffering mentally ever since. I was severely depressed before, but now I'm a complete mess, to the point that I just want everything to end. I get nightmares almost every day, and I wake up in the morning with a physical pain in my chest (is this normal?) and wondering why I even woke up. For a few minutes, the pain is unbearable, and I'm wishing for something to take it away - take me away. Then I force myself to get up and get ready for work. When I get to work, I feel better, possibly because my work and my work friends distract me from my thoughts. As the day goes on, I feel slightly better, and there are moments where I even feel like everything is normal. And towards the end of the day, I almost feel hopeful about life. However, I have an overwhelming feeling of despair throughout the day that I just cannot shake off. And, as soon as I have a single thought about the future, whether short-term or long-term, my anxiety returns with a vengeance. I feel, for the lack of a better word, *impotent*. I get depressed when I think about a relationship, because I feel like I wouldn't be able to protect my SO from any perils. I get anxious when I think about having kids, because how can I protect my kids if I cannot protect myself? I cannot imagine moving to a new city and new job, because I keep thinking what would happen if my attacker, who works in the same field as me, joins the same company? Nothing about the future gives me positivity. And if the future is not positive, what's the point of living?
    
    
The thing that worries me most is that I find comfort in isolation. When I'm with my friends, I just wish I was back home, in my bed, watching TV. When I'm in a meeting, I just want the meeting to end so that I can go back to my cube and be by myself. When I'm playing a game, I want to just stop, quit, and go back to doing nothing. I thought this would go away, but it just gets worse everyday.
    
    
Is it even possible to get over this and return to some form of normalcy?",4.6436833244728,5.17446159090909,5.465959595959599,83.44856902356901,69.45454545454545,8.584937090200247,31.51018961545277,8.626192665926032,2.352498919014709,1627,67,332,25,27,532,186,418,0.14,0.708,0.152,0.635,2,1,1,0,0,0,61.0,0,0,0,9,31,23,2,3,29,0,25,5,2,1,1,71,68,35,0,16,14,0,7,2,2,3,3,0,2,2,15,17,0,5,16,3,0,5,5,13,0,0,8,8,52,10,55,55,9,57,0,5,1,0,10,20,0,10,34,234,67,6,0.07380220492468588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211866049778193,0.06542120169549956,0.0,0.14780449505131796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05018803013423005,0.0,0.056458484761866636,0.08337548460245299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396066253406546,0.20801880284030308,0.170248020146535,0.0,0.17995655645915312,0.0,0.06280024060166674,0.0,0.0,0.1958161583499504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738020771782482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038526668937286,0.0,0.12713146191640345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961005437248892,0.0,0.0,0.14623698092274942,0.06675831961034998,0.06218154071204567,0.0,0.1326573259853256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26121628622643656,0.10544861988914682,0.0,0.0,0.06745387826148795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140388009010549,0.0,0.3084688479957823,0.07079779989353817,0.1258304814935367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065263046079375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402962900343636,0.07330224195338055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323730052071475,0.06559879074354358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212867992880472,0.07211205886567422,0.0,0.06516869906757185,0.06531262893839712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437526410023132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890821585677825,0.0784400640903159,0.0,0.05472339980731155,0.0,0.14255725881381867,0.0,0.0,0.14462098226876402,0.14163041216342007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706149896441335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953387726921065,0.16640179413505307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784977294303727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923594838494853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337548460245299,0.0,0.061049946564642375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056816543000527624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061701947961017564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098014661126997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903090558615975,0.14186841873994413,0.0,0.17577212077174026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059135784132433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659501074587852,0.0,0.16973778682702506,0.0,0.08003534304953518,0.2686444208259485,0.0749497215452974,0.07521075191701516,0.10485393777958456,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,albye420,2020/02/11,"My name birth name is the biggest trigger and I’m starting public school Im starting public school again. My birth name is different from the name I go by for the last four years. My birth name is my biggest trigger. Legally we haven’t changed my name yet, I’m in the process. Are there any tips for helping my teachers understand they must call me Alaska, not my birth name? Are they allowed to disregard my name and call me by the legal name?",1.8635227272727235,4.4232255795454565,2.323818181818183,94.07572727272728,82.97727272727272,4.883636363636365,25.84545454545455,6.2581,0.8285190909090909,353,15,71,3,10,108,48,88,0.024,0.9129999999999999,0.063,0.3313,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,3,1,19,13,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,14,0,7,12,0,14,0,0,0,0,17,3,0,0,10,40,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470659014755507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946334205589536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25621903961233383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530509605974798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764975093327542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234380662301964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616211908518059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974280646605804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902454614056043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34286556931155915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521422392760023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597102273982175
ptsd,PTSDgunner,2020/02/11,"Thoughts One day everything is fine
You carry on with life 
Then a feeling starts to build 
As the day lengthens it's 
You can't explain it 
You try to ignore it 
It grows inside you
It holds some feelings you never felt before 
Gradually it engulfs your every moment
Changing how you think
Changing how you see the world
Growing somewhere inside the darkness 
Growing between the space of reality and nothingness
The once feeling of love and life dries up
You look at the world feeling nothing
You walk through the world like a shadow
Darkness surrounds you
Every 'im fine' pulls you deeper and deeper into misery 
Every pill dulls the light more
But there is a path out of the darkness
There is a way to feel again 
I know there is
I know things can get better
I know they're are people worse off
I know I will get better
I know",1.926023809523812,4.717247150000002,2.5739285714285707,90.1791666666667,86.875,4.047619047619048,22.619047619047624,5.622346879071545,0.3756547619047619,664,24,120,4,21,206,95,160,0.102,0.7559999999999999,0.142,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,12,0,2,6,8,0,0,13,0,8,4,0,2,1,27,28,8,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,14,0,0,5,3,2,0,1,2,9,18,6,16,25,2,24,0,1,2,1,14,11,0,1,8,78,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124915419303549,0.0,0.0,0.25966415937632586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105884568508173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893468495492502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710543059979808,0.0,0.1319337739822667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711307655861932,0.0,0.14095037998950855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533931841674075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856846951943698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40338536883695575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073774192156302,0.07171873852509439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232744665760257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249212861505635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322069477841445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085791831391914,0.0,0.0,0.1563364976347318,0.09947502660217486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177217309250243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698006148027786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390532280590507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975269532640185,0.09406308448846536,0.0,0.11654227201317048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966711030925238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165224768448064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496010607895634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DNAMellieCase,2020/02/11,Had a Horrific Nightmare and Didn't Go to Class I had a terrible nightmare last night and woke up feeling so awful. I couldn't get ready to go to class because everything hurt all over. I just told my professor I was sick. Has this happened to anyone else?,2.509999999999998,4.817886274509807,3.6585882352941184,86.99964705882354,78.41176470588233,7.217254901960787,27.84705882352941,8.238735603445708,2.0722047058823523,204,9,40,4,5,66,38,51,0.35,0.624,0.026000000000000002,-0.9622,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,6,1,0,0,1,6,13,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,6,1,5,0,6,6,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,25,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254073225803669,0.3303042898045221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965126466579582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692972438604205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289723728225051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629990347719484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842406557424258,0.0,0.3664185243383489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850691114870118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451017974699034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627730875843461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30252069332724085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080366048860573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,OriginalexamRui,2020/02/11,"Why does PTSD co-occur with clinical depression? Since people with PTSD have depression that is caused by a specific event or situation, isn’t that called “situational depression”?",9.857241379310343,12.166209379310349,9.596034482758624,52.08991379310348,58.6551724137931,15.455172413793106,38.63793103448275,13.816669648895859,7.0956068965517245,148,7,20,7,2,48,23,29,0.33299999999999996,0.667,0.0,-0.9092,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175088239297681,0.0,0.0,0.21882175514202265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5504001523697629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640802734588333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476755342637954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979986987377305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620552974495182,0.4788682879870446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922099822712109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,survive-not-thriving,2020/02/11,"Pushing Others Away I am 3 years into my diagnosis and feel like I should be able to have normal friendships and relationships. However, I have recently become good friends with someone but I feel like I’m hurting her and a burden. I want to isolate myself because I’m tired of the letdown and I’m sick of hurting others. 
I have cyclic events corresponding to sexual assaults (so at certain times of the year, I get worse). I thought I could get over this but it’s been three years. Yes, I’m better than I was- just not better enough. 
Does anyone else have trouble with relationships? Any tips on overcoming those problems?",3.5329487179487167,6.24191641880342,4.2483974358974335,81.96951923076924,77.11965811965813,6.635042735042736,27.698717948717945,7.793537801064563,1.9746871794871788,499,21,87,8,12,159,80,117,0.239,0.575,0.18600000000000005,-0.9102,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,13,1,0,3,1,10,2,0,0,1,20,20,7,0,5,4,0,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,3,2,13,7,14,14,1,12,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,0,8,56,18,0,0.16146463973964345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980149188137978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128998303458274,0.16543960442160746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170134412631356,0.0,0.0,0.09842734572468342,0.17832500895995956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28560470512988795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289163763347923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141298794327168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488298781243127,0.0,0.0,0.16683613506990122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328274664391473,0.2307007417843236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124747180132492,0.0,0.1687172201134403,0.0,0.0,0.13542887917566776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457024726647971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776693416561374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582010647557813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449985395492924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942685250361902,0.3467051932516269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368084652788393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818488817800014,0.09415132989642302,0.18557985097268184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952360279230056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454626220478386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119338024985139
ptsd,ShreddedDaphy,2020/02/11,"Recently diagnosed Good morning. About a year ago I started therapy for what I always assumed was generalized anxiety and OCD. Turns out. Nope. PTSD. And I can’t help but feel guilty about it. Like, why? I didn’t do anything heroic, I was just born into a shitty situation.  And now some of my family members want details of how I got it (which I’m obviously sure as shit not gonna tell them!) but I’m starting to see that the one person I always cherished (and still do to this day) helped add to it. I don’t know how to process any of this information. I’m at a loss. I feel guilt, and shame, and relief all at the same time.",0.4164843749999996,2.7799089296875046,2.740937500000001,89.66031250000002,88.609375,6.0125,21.28125,7.413659706084162,0.8888500000000001,485,17,104,9,16,165,88,128,0.171,0.653,0.175,-0.2363,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,7,9,1,2,5,0,7,2,1,2,3,27,20,11,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,3,11,5,15,15,3,14,0,1,1,0,6,4,1,2,11,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892911009515255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171395821359013,0.0,0.0,0.12959436770155527,0.0,0.1457857902478573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682315406990144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290210529439305,0.0,0.0,0.19342488596338966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965275839716982,0.0,0.1927161821330389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984136157513607,0.15241651167181738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554705667906282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473247628473877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310304316945628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913539594376058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639867225824315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276653205430744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816522244684816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518598895901261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561771780466064,0.0,0.2142090493329538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26977333828451466,0.0,0.15218972153295074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796102923132488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665668789007019,0.0,0.2179337947935377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112309912299667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072858087743286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124033253976447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196009260790265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272105234905285
ptsd,Happier100,2020/02/11,"So I've been hovering the PTSD and CPTSD subreddits... (concerned) I've been trying to work through childhood trauma and have only had my first session with my therapist which was mostly an intake. But lately I've been having these moments where I try to let myself feel my emotions fully...and I dont know if this is a memory trying to come out or what but my thoughts start coming together about the trauma, my eyes open really wide and then it feels like I'm about to experience alot of emotion, but then I stop because I'm not in what feels like the safest environment to experience this....I'm just curious if anyone can speak to this. Is this normal when first working through trauma or should I be concerned?  This all just feels so weird. TIA",4.7334265734265735,6.470601363636362,5.1583216783216805,81.23440559440563,70.32867132867133,7.997202797202798,26.98601398601399,8.575989854853784,1.973215384615385,597,20,109,10,11,190,92,143,0.09699999999999999,0.78,0.12300000000000001,0.7189,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,8,6,0,0,6,0,14,1,1,0,1,30,25,15,0,4,10,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,8,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,4,0,2,6,6,10,2,14,16,3,17,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,6,12,76,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131915174127192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704929228550974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742803309099367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865859245425568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581661861310557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114641588165284,0.0,0.0,0.3219933421460163,0.2274707659245145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27083771441204263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749436528083335,0.0,0.17958906783652764,0.0,0.0,0.16279689579857826,0.0,0.15555808392573278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598613637624895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108183043413387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861009786010777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199017120373473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268542404518027,0.0,0.0,0.13310168854255228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184848136672246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263902078002737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32426723536200563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318048438409791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pimpdaddy939,2020/02/11,"First time being involved with someone with PTSD and I have no clue what to do I’ve been talking to this girl for about 3 months or so now. We’re not committed or anything because of how far we live from each other, but nonetheless we keep in contact everyday, FaceTime, phone calls, etc. Needless to say the love is there, she’s one of my best friends. Recently she was raped for the second time in her life (I won’t go into detail, it’s not my story to tell) and her PTSD has resurfaced. I’ve never been close with someone with PTSD and I’m at a loss as to what to do. One day she will be incredibly affectionate and sweet to me and the next she won’t want to talk to me and will lash out at me several times for seemingly insignificant matters. I’ve offered to be there for her and and give her support and I honestly thought I’ve been doing the right thing, but I’m worried I’m doing more harm than good. I’m just worried about her and I want to do whatever I can to understand her PTSD better. Is the mood swings normal? Is there anything I can do from so far away? Is there a crash course on how to appropriately handle a loved one with PTSD? I truly just have no idea how to navigate the situation and any help would be appreciated, I want nothing more than to see her doing better.",3.314204545454544,4.6085250416666685,4.576181818181818,85.76427272727273,73.20454545454545,7.704242424242422,26.45757575757576,8.238735603445708,1.5488203030303027,1017,35,216,16,20,336,140,264,0.105,0.68,0.215,0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,5,14,15,1,0,9,0,29,4,0,3,2,46,46,21,0,5,8,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,1,6,22,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,3,0,5,5,3,26,11,41,32,5,24,0,1,1,3,28,12,0,3,11,153,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127242214376613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249462668820525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846972070313813,0.0,0.0,0.06388943551476177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998858560523468,0.18538672618632396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701976746926194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759190917210248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688762126017248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914886591335422,0.0,0.0,0.08097370565103544,0.0,0.0,0.10054052066531748,0.059564290340244776,0.08790722313220356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024999004409023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831445899352495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315736627817227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402835440534743,0.0,0.0,0.09254658965656762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918499979664166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365602748406831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083369684874939,0.0,0.11146354010329318,0.0,0.10268870556921288,0.10056523933205898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130600106310553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.612569457827096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348436745254072,0.0,0.0,0.08950469093859546,0.0,0.0833468127504245,0.0,0.0,0.08351768946084598,0.09541244776833356,0.0,0.11840219110281815,0.0,0.0,0.11780757190182953,0.0,0.0,0.1776054318228755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893385531860455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847995428202242,0.09160602515936288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962918033805253,0.0,0.0,0.08320513051447148,0.18334158893826846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910788755844136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545382951873216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287339547884854,0.0,0.07445195693948696,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,HighExplosiveLight,2020/02/11,"There's no manual on what to do... When your SO wakes you up from a nightmare because you're screaming, and you don't want to go back to sleep. 

So you're just standing in your kitchen.

And you've got a stitch in your side.

I'm eating cottage cheese.",1.1992452830188682,3.0413572264150983,2.1251320754717007,98.70618867924532,80.50943396226415,4.994716981132076,21.92075471698113,5.6839178017228535,-0.10739698113207607,195,6,46,1,5,61,39,53,0.125,0.875,0.0,-0.6152,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,8,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36987411836511297,0.0,0.29322487542172593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492202788201996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733743297914457,0.0,0.3847150430984785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481366645019065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28371762153878954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throw0OO0away,2020/02/11,"I'm sad that I'll never get to meet the person I was before my traumas. I've never known a life without trauma. The first one happened when I was a month old. I don't remember it but the effects still linger to this day. Obviously, that means that I've lived my 99.99% of my life with trauma... I had other traumas happen throughout toddler hood, childhood, and into my teens. I'm sad that I've never known what it is like to be completely carefree and without damage. Despite being on better terms with my past, a small part of me wants to live in a life where my traumas never happened.",3.6063182674199648,5.013479838983057,4.723333333333333,84.55095103578157,72.64406779661017,6.261393596986817,26.670433145009408,6.42735559955562,1.1291269303201499,463,16,88,3,9,152,73,118,0.16,0.742,0.098,-0.8254,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,3,10,0,0,7,0,7,3,0,1,5,19,15,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,8,0,2,3,0,11,2,13,10,2,18,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,0,14,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348437519752615,0.0,0.0,0.13873830896453207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447466730875074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116783840064954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343310125120492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819578297951713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161574945858499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324046629520545,0.0766385051209205,0.0,0.2770372531738217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708768537609678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521172390913346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4839496608565465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460813307035427,0.0,0.10629882081636136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987436218506846,0.1497496707195451,0.0,0.1369723809431976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770254322649176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527617096065996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252568483091178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024331654922796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Emjm5,2020/02/11,"Yo, first time posting PTSD knocking me off my game It's been years since I was last in danger. I have a happy healthy marriage and life. Shit still comes up, anxieties, nightmares, fear of men etc. Most days are so busy I barely notice it lying there. Things have been different lately so I went back to therapy. Talk about a trigger! Jeez, ""tell me all of your worst experiences so I can get a handle on what your going threw"" says the therapist. F that noise. It's like ripping g off a bandage that has been covering an exposed vein. That's crazy. Well now I'm re triggered, things are rawr and I hate it. My hubby knows my past but he obviously hates hearing about it. It's hard for the people that love you to imagine such horrible things happening to you. So now I'm just rawr and emotional and my life doesn't really have room for that. I have kids and a family that need me. I've got to get myself put back together asap. 
I garden, I have goats, I have community functions, taking care of a dying relative, a job. And I'm over here now drinking to much digressing. Gotta get my a game back. Any thoughts, or not.",1.6140773809523807,3.9710489196428576,3.168750000000003,88.9679166666667,82.125,6.590476190476192,22.279761904761905,7.793537801064563,1.119149404761905,874,29,180,16,24,287,143,224,0.127,0.7859999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.6918,2,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,4,0,1,18,11,4,1,11,0,15,6,2,2,2,20,37,12,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,2,2,16,7,1,0,3,4,0,5,2,6,1,1,8,3,23,5,18,28,5,27,0,0,0,1,15,7,2,2,15,114,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947394190284615,0.0,0.10065274871309668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035138343331065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414712763907438,0.0,0.0,0.11333822331142587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485350115039014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655168091889394,0.13746545858714332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889114722585387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480015685107687,0.0,0.0,0.14673833046810947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870333891001667,0.12403502368661595,0.1480558570964387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119156640046047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206223902222766,0.0,0.07477579255882585,0.0,0.10523070062554113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634929638982043,0.140061576471558,0.11786328789317535,0.2598015861578033,0.0,0.0,0.14829198550539913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056559411449087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230891021454065,0.107249304181496,0.14841972668780806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858673658618377,0.06427977097512501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187494908377771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672106705232447,0.09755948344635568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497963811013235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256010216048056,0.09121593759959716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601026821287847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380143520455186,0.13226689537622513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428883515715975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463188506174742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505747686758074,0.10883828987683528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507412123039472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892628943304166,0.10575314538080667,0.1150003314960497,0.0,0.15046483917363773,0.15276603556191048,0.2622331491867764,0.0,0.0,0.10445402007881256,0.0767210943757388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182996507223924,0.1219692030041417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472849941613257
ptsd,leog007999,2020/02/11,"Suspecting that I might be affceted by PTSD Hello. This is my first post on this subreddit.

  I'm 17 years old, and previously I have been severely bullied and socially isolated 

from the rest of the class from first to eighth grade. The social isolation is fully 

explained in eighth grade, as I was diagnosed with Asperger's. Things seem to got 

better after I changed class in 8th grade, but from time to time, I find myself easily 

irritable and seem to get into argument with other people with the smallest reasons

 (Mainly with my family, sometimes with others), difficult to trust and approach others

 (I kinda intentionally isolate myself from other people), occasional nightmares, and 

unable to forget those traumatic experiences, no matter how hard I try to. I also 

have sleep problems, (Recently diagnosed with DSPS/DSPD).  When reliving those 

emotions, I tend to get anxious and nervous. Recently those feelings have been 

overwhelming, and it has started to make me difficult to concentrate on other \]

things. What can I do, to alleviate those feelings? Thank you.",9.94696132596685,10.436982508287294,9.527563535911604,58.99278176795582,58.17127071823205,12.98585635359116,40.75193370165745,12.340626583579946,5.737010607734808,858,41,118,26,10,277,115,181,0.22,0.713,0.067,-0.9812,0,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,0,3,3,8,0,2,4,0,13,3,1,4,0,31,26,12,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,16,14,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,4,3,16,3,30,20,2,18,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,4,11,95,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644697011941453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450167607289715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287832044967607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540396520221454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955890380853577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637954573319048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243783001107482,0.1372713386375001,0.0,0.14725300370855476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308799444513772,0.24771733911595975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521539657416546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646032476380913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304409901689652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719806414523506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447278872587553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279675110101573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189997126952616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945737006795736,0.0,0.0,0.1393323424244605,0.1702142529374606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497148100396593,0.28755129841311405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26512191083489245,0.0,0.16450167607289715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571854367294754,0.2968690137599526,0.0,0.0,0.14401535953574254,0.0,0.10306590225893764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406123968626854,0.0,0.0,0.19347812337771894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698166697383888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988619290346921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377024480589663
ptsd,edsfun,2020/02/11,"Need Help Not sure if here is the right place for this but needing help. I have PTSD among other “issues.” This is a problem that’s really bringing up my level of stress and worry. Over the past few weeks, I’ve had someone sending messages incessantly through various means on my social media accounts. 
The messages aren’t threatening or anything, just benign, but A LOT of them all of a sudden across several accounts from “different” people. One of my accounts I didn’t even think was visible as mine to anyone I’ve now started receiving messages on too so I’m really worried what’s next. I searched myself different ways and can’t even find it so I don’t know how someone would. 

I deactivated several accounts including two here, and including my oldest that I had kept from a long while ago, although I haven’t actually received messages here on any account.
The biggest problem is that I don’t know who it is. My phone number and contact info are out there because of my business, and I can’t just remove or change it.

And now I just got another friend request from an unknown on Facebook. We do have a mutual friend or two with each one that requests me, but they’re friends that accept anyone so I think they just friended them for that reason—and they aren’t people I can just unfriend either. 
I never accept any friend requests unless I know the person, AND they talk to me saying they sent one, because of fears of duplicate accounts. 
If you don’t know who it is, can you still report it if it’s multiple accounts that are “different” people? Has anyone had experience with something like this? I don’t know what to do since I don’t know who it is. 
I was hoping it would just stop, but more keep coming. What the hell do I do?",5.558260048556786,6.397753189910978,6.1407674669544114,78.31968640410037,67.5459940652819,8.619854329646614,32.23212840571891,8.710501217029153,2.6599091988130565,1383,57,250,21,22,450,165,337,0.105,0.768,0.126,0.7524,5,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,2,6,0,20,16,1,2,12,0,35,0,0,1,3,60,55,25,0,10,19,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,1,25,13,0,3,13,0,7,7,13,5,0,5,9,1,37,11,29,44,7,35,1,0,0,0,36,13,1,8,15,191,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.09145298198516316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307329307301163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745974785066794,0.09826905842821172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658454081582447,0.0,0.07712001697839296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425641357616335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913875988286662,0.08072775747827822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937388079210642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379664145019502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167191461633792,0.0,0.10545619099814307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565443086493044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36202249742532094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495298789028733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563128554085268,0.0,0.0,0.09308081280813428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781481856461684,0.0,0.08329879958546282,0.0,0.0,0.30902211081667225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457847459614803,0.0,0.0,0.08293542497770369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967371717835676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208384581352288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897797387775931,0.07227930739744116,0.0,0.0996676855421785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051250410233328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894622177310463,0.19491195133156,0.08182891426872972,0.09791293597368808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793464923895062,0.10954861121201724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007332467170928,0.09635532415573717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003267600105808,0.0,0.0745264677261647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117440795331773,0.0,0.07752257634553847,0.0,0.0,0.0955313306848428,0.15880997780172054,0.07214690659531085,0.0,0.0,0.06633243844702312,0.0,0.07484146061318556,0.07835050218122082,0.10735099123287646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832591637914489,0.0,0.0,0.07532511118873526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009844334199342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830931977810221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438714220099163,0.07517306314998817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034563787602896,0.0,0.13314585604168092,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,illyyill,2020/02/11,"If a psychologist diagnosis me as PTSD do I likely have it? Is there a cure? I’ve been misdiagnosed a lot with other things and want to know how confident can I be in his assessment? Looking at the symptoms, many of them particular, was hard cause it proves his point.

I had a car accident, developed psychosis from a medicine I was prescribed, and stayed psychotic for nine months, experienced homelessness destitution bullying betrayal abuse, many overdoses while psychotic, etc. apparently it caused PTSD. 

Is there a cure for my kind of PTSD. Did he get it right. I’m so down.  My life is too hard.",4.136196830692242,6.9444147798165154,5.162618849040868,75.69837364470393,75.5137614678899,10.202168473728108,30.09257714762301,10.230975488527342,3.837488073394496,477,22,86,17,11,156,81,109,0.16399999999999998,0.7959999999999999,0.04,-0.9305,1,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,7,0,12,2,0,3,1,11,17,7,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,10,2,11,11,2,9,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,3,58,16,0,0.0,0.19863831371272928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34444629158136514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869745162495623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759041629680306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003636632242961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458209647275905,0.09213627730918643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841643798090724,0.08190551878548641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078411508005814,0.0,0.0,0.14253037779333008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33994239069045706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381695257000972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848382067656044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5879230502511926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317252853542906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786930235009139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425296139624954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113794785983627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888455163760136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Mlynn44144,2020/02/11,"Spouse diagnosed with PTSD. No clue how to deal. My spouse was diagnosed with PTSD just recently after ignoring his escalating symptoms for over a year and it ended in a trip to the hospital for a panic attack that he though was killing him.

The problem on my end is that his disorder has been manifesting as rage directed at me and I have no clue how to handle this. He's not physically violent and I don't think he would ever hurt a woman but he can get scary and irrational and break things and scream and it sets me into a panic induced anxiety where I shut down.  I'm now getting anxiety attacks where I never had them before. The last few days he has been calling me just to yell and scream and start an argument and then blaming me for it because I ""set him off"" by saying this or that *totally normal* thing that no one else would ever get upset about.   If I attempt to defend myself he blows up. If I attempt to avoid he blows up. If I attempt to diffuse or agree he goes on 45 minute long lectures that I then have to endure to avoid a blow up and just end it.  I feel like I'm being abused mentally and emotionally by default of just being the person he has to explode around and I recently had a breakdown when my brother was dying and he was raging and it was all too much too endure at once. I needed compassion and a rock and I got conflict and making everything worse. I'm worn down and I can't rely on him for anything. I feel like I will never have a normal life ever agian. 

I now feel like an elephant is sitting on my stomach and chest every time I see he calls not knowing weather or not a rage is imminent or if he is going to be the loving, happy, funny person I fell in love with. I have so much built up resentment for the whiplash I've endured over the past year that it's hard to love him when he's loveable. We haven't had sex in 7 months. 

Hes two totally different people and one of those people is horrific. I try to be positive and in a good mood or give positive support and he finds a way to turn it into a fight and verbally abuse me. He will be the great person I love one moment and without warning fly off off the handle at any tiny inconvenience. If I misunderstand him on the phone he will fly into a rage and degrade me and put me down like I'm too stupid to listen to him. When I try to talk to him about his behavior he flips it on me and makes it seem like it's all my fault in the moment then he apologizes for being fucked up and cries or whaever. He will be okay for a little while and then the pattern starts all over agian.

 He hasn't been able to hold a job for the past year. He will do okay for a little while and then explode at work and get fired or freak out in the morning and just not go in and get fired. Or quit because of this or that reason and then not look for work for 2 or 3 months because oh well. Many of these instances he will blame on me for doing *totally innocent thing no one would ever get upset about*. At this point the savings is drained, I have no way to replace it, and if this continues we are looking at financial ruin in less than a year. 

I had hope for his diagnosis because it meant there was a light at the end of the tunnel and getting my person back but ever since he has been more and more negative and aggressive and having more panic attacks.  It's walking on eggshells not to set him off and then when I do and I show emotion he calls me weak or this or that and says he can't handle my feelings about his disorder or how he treats me. He also says he can't control his rage or the degrading things he says because he can't control it and it just comes out and I should automatically forget all the nasty things he says the minute he's nice agian because I should know he can't control it. 

Logically I know that this relationship is no good for me in any way but when he's healthy he's my best friend and I do love him. 

The worst part about this is that no one knows. If I discuss our relationship issues with anyone else he blows up so I have no support. Everyone else gets this great version of him while I'm left to deal with anxiety attacks, verbal abuse, him destroying all the things we own in a rage. I need him to get better or I need to leave for my own well being.  I've already dealt with things I never should have and I can't live the rest of my life this way. He's getting therapy and meds but it's early stages and I have no idea if they will work.",3.7328914628914633,4.432147199999998,4.9722985842985885,85.56487087087089,71.5945945945946,8.035178035178035,26.79064779064779,8.2184188804266,1.544936851136852,3500,112,750,50,63,1163,334,925,0.23,0.644,0.127,-0.9988,2,2,0,0,4,0,50.0,4,0,2,12,40,66,18,7,45,2,72,15,2,10,16,165,125,99,2,21,40,3,7,5,1,13,6,9,0,5,46,65,0,8,16,2,0,7,29,37,2,6,17,20,87,28,110,87,22,122,0,2,3,7,95,54,1,25,56,525,133,5,0.04856159947205778,0.17261266356863503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358893257808363,0.03883469355298196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604710577840284,0.0,0.11144847203154404,0.0,0.0,0.03395539946429048,0.04975709740344615,0.039962058649070605,0.0432301191870965,0.0,0.22098331991835127,0.0,0.03734087246536758,0.0,0.1776162018341759,0.0,0.04132234441991478,0.0,0.0509624026333251,0.04294878841651269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487604677198554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041831518007299666,0.0,0.0,0.16339788925358767,0.0,0.0,0.053342636743016265,0.03131821425858836,0.10012975344602867,0.0,0.09857800250100056,0.050399273364204,0.05073653563872378,0.11131160034930444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217009552116851,0.10925052638693827,0.17204465314351816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196337346325723,0.040915241999819815,0.04640268935717761,0.043644034335475534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821681522350614,0.10407724909771336,0.0,0.0,0.04438442214990861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037518571289855945,0.04489441620072858,0.25371431418046503,0.046584711194487774,0.05519735216493886,0.08146233129536114,0.03883914728434175,0.10707866971089997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169472563727847,0.043501654656746915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048232625539799706,0.0,0.0,0.051986196609727586,0.05482013486574998,0.0,0.05068569314919349,0.048189894298294456,0.0,0.053726214816287185,0.0,0.1067527402972034,0.03958418500006896,0.0,0.05141972209947873,0.05276231991571317,0.0,0.06860098768845793,0.1186237228045538,0.09734296052186832,0.04288078202357257,0.04297548738835422,0.08155902601034748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914369747480236,0.0,0.06483048946919677,0.04923383982023897,0.0,0.0,0.05394098958450454,0.0,0.048938670457742084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752281078782591,0.0,0.07139672636242334,0.10802343206021464,0.11236109772149076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516011375755222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051716518558586284,0.16453298293169438,0.0,0.0,0.17092972139802712,0.0,0.052587479934916304,0.09271508311118876,0.06733299719664129,0.1696084622031622,0.0,0.0,0.04590640799719654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046466892307496274,0.11353182215728527,0.048817820273192834,0.0,0.05165123860396568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992941218024633,0.09589744192728936,0.10427396832344413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309066510031267,0.0,0.0,0.03869730748775151,0.044208656313237456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0401706569050086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874430010300656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021425519980303,0.0,0.05047409575581402,0.0,0.03903197417494563,0.0,0.0,0.055534421181657495,0.0,0.2258351821439504,0.031116312110249445,0.047711524920589096,0.0,0.028316659174195062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594027674883776,0.05282107541127176,0.04743762640781745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418374921808664,0.0,0.0,0.0873254198780463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681164896634536,0.0,0.10606026834454912,0.0,0.04948841859553612,0.10349030089378304,0.0,0.0,0.12508831162170225
ptsd,jjtaylor1998,2020/02/11,"I got the sexual abuse survivor symbol tattooed on me pictures arent allowed here, but its so beautiful with flowers around it on my arm. a reminder that im a badass strong survivor for the rest of my life",7.7748780487804865,6.418729048780492,7.658658536585366,76.66652439024392,63.39024390243903,10.151219512195123,40.012195121951216,8.841846274778883,3.55479512195122,165,8,31,2,2,53,35,41,0.08800000000000001,0.589,0.32299999999999995,0.9317,3,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,1,2,1,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,6,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,22,7,0,0.0,0.5584346994277488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195729000764686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769560197616207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091042637998288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329058061115374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,havinganotgreattime,2020/02/12,"I’m in recovery, and doing well. But sometimes I just get so angry I was diagnosed almost a year ago now with ptsd, and my recovery is going 
really well. I get panic attacks sometimes at night still, but it’s no longer every single night, and I can get on the tube, stay at peoples houses etc and although I still get a little freaked out it’s definitely far more controllable than it was. Overall I’m happy with how well I’m doing. 

One thing I struggle with though is my anger. I have a follow up appointment with a therapist on March 3rd, which is 3 months after I was discharged as I no longer am any risk to myself (yay!) so I’ll talk to him about it, but I just wanted to post about it here.

Sometimes I just think about my situation, I had a good few male friends who decided to side with my friend who assaulted me, which is a pattern of how all of them have treated women. I didn’t realise how they treated the females in their lives until I put all of these events together and realised. They aren’t nice people, and sometimes that just makes me so angry because they’re all just going to live their lives genuinely convinced that turning against a victim of sexual assault and covering it up was something that was justified because of their own personal issues. It makes me angry to the point of tears and I just want to be able to keep it under control, but im not sure how.

I’ve been told this anger is normal, but I haven’t ever had to deal with it because before this i was super non confrontational and calm so it’d be nice to hear some tips, if anyone has any.",6.42151048431991,5.7423834984227105,6.906958619409911,78.75555390610505,65.75078864353314,9.730116904806088,32.2117275932455,9.007467420416297,2.5632614214139915,1247,43,246,18,17,409,171,317,0.175,0.6829999999999999,0.141,-0.9227,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,6,3,26,27,7,3,10,1,27,1,0,8,5,50,46,27,0,4,13,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,21,16,0,3,2,0,0,4,6,11,3,1,11,1,32,16,40,32,9,33,0,0,0,0,18,14,0,3,13,181,53,0,0.10095034551233242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948639030137727,0.0,0.10108718878340396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372993933664764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705868287946682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484559168533985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846151809112604,0.0,0.08590130868671803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22644879294838335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407537350841838,0.0,0.1024624757069383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258632026494014,0.0,0.09131536703225714,0.08505502004684032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559879730493374,0.0,0.2109695558333477,0.0,0.11474481551256754,0.08467236025904237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746351996192503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377837624003212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648314486839514,0.0,0.0,0.1090436963195832,0.10536593299171088,0.0,0.08972930547955581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117876681070052,0.2674230137503684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477027904352334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057760266546853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947012139874655,0.09890990481424812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840656673463318,0.0,0.0,0.11844347949169368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997251748869993,0.08814594786502332,0.0,0.0,0.09543070654445054,0.0,0.09668252574789517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800555169128335,0.10148297991241872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467137631653196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347241800953364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771650796304401,0.39936989202139056,0.0,0.0,0.10759963644527662,0.1612381526580521,0.0,0.0,0.10553521979941036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514450594710762,0.0,0.0,0.08114006379168855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721113188701855,0.06706692387790393,0.06468490520800689,0.09918320191296677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646238126904948,0.0,0.0,0.10980498729596096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190862586328746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722994527940964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500871272285369
ptsd,blackcat_00,2020/02/12,"PTSD and non flashback type hallucinations Hello Everyone,

I am new to this sub and wanting to see if my symptoms seem ""normal"" considering. So I have late-onset PTSD from early in life stuff. I have alot of previous psychedelic use and am currently in inpatient PTSD treatment. Well we have been getting to the more difficult parts of the therapy and I am getting non flashback type hallucinations. Nothing going on other than I see one large giant transparent mandala. I was wondering if anyone has experienced similar symptoms when higher levels of stress have been involved. I guess I am looking for a little validation here to make sure I am not clinically going off the deep end. Thanks for your time and any advice, experiences, and tips will be generously appreciated.",8.015111111111112,9.622460881481484,8.70296296296297,59.38333333333336,62.407407407407405,11.629629629629633,37.96296296296296,11.429527900616536,5.130407407407407,629,31,91,19,9,211,94,135,0.040999999999999995,0.86,0.099,0.7787,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,0,15,4,0,2,1,19,29,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,3,4,12,3,15,24,3,16,0,0,3,0,4,8,0,6,6,66,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470498719367147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007015134186071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354307200863087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311575786928491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149964604472565,0.0,0.14485358233506315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547345041865036,0.0,0.16831795531990645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313011213191325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704406647096512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459539749428218,0.0,0.14841806207358862,0.0,0.0,0.12435241870772767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884654790357204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430194776818754,0.0,0.0,0.14508989242653314,0.14208962588103288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034486867048993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035945114943584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193032841182847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23600594656282656,0.1348091954818653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962856849212934,0.0,0.16951959876995268,0.0,0.0,0.13956646868446818,0.3078298599850671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633492464274172,0.16934580838659413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634838423859498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789616075361826,0.0,0.0,0.0873431861398027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331443950192004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058968942414412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sunshineallie0920,2020/02/12,"I've just been diagnosed with PTSD... I've suffered with my mental health since I was in my teens.

It wasn't until yesterday that I was diagnosed with PTSD and I'm scared. I'm scared about what this means...

Can someone please help with advice of self-help and to explain what PTSD is.

Do I need to tell work?

Help...",0.6740625000000016,3.101463281250002,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,88.0625,5.075,17.375,6.6274283507984215,-0.22458749999999966,246,6,55,3,8,76,41,64,0.141,0.7809999999999999,0.078,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,10,12,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,5,0,10,8,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685770443830944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466210877991321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815022900414079,0.0,0.0,0.34335609914120185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599990670033767,0.0,0.0,0.17207870680209444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661107136326613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743534828103395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5988028165144106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419067729119505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813245770559644,0.0,0.0,0.14124851833834298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467833190846435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492455132345159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431010520655908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Simbacutie,2020/02/12,"Child sexual abuse adult here. Anyone successfully retrained their brain with new sexual memories? I’m 35.

I was molested as a kid. 

At 34 all these memories came flushing. I was triggered by the Center that was supposed to treat me. They’re horrible and we’re really toxic.

Anyway, issue is, I was doing fine sexually prior to this time. I’ve healed a bit but I still sometimes struggle masterbating due to flashbacks which weren’t there before.

Anyone successfully retrained their brain ?",4.166997885835098,7.489439209302329,5.15909090909091,71.99954545454547,81.32558139534885,8.243551797040169,26.422832980972515,8.841846274778883,3.1148744186046518,396,16,58,11,11,129,67,86,0.11699999999999999,0.772,0.111,-0.1179,1,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,2,2,4,6,1,1,3,0,7,3,2,1,1,6,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,0,7,4,7,3,2,8,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,35,11,2,0.0,0.2869451422220849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386774780153144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607837950095173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643991662766863,0.0,0.0,0.540708668090943,0.0,0.2769907962144602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527742715157841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339001300073827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551474900110317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395234177088958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340623397648005,0.0,0.0,0.2531803928139919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121781610935302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Blood-Filled-Pelvis,2020/02/12,"I’ve been in a crisis center for the last 4 days Just got out last night and learned a lot of good coping mechanisms and other skills!

Walked to the grocery store this afternoon (3 blocks max) and kinda started freaking out on the way there.

Used some grounding techniques and made it to the store. They worked great!

On my way back, however, there was someone that was walking behind me and given it’s winter here, I could hear them so loud crunching snow, ice and salt.

I tried thinking of compliments people have given me as a coping technique but I lost it. Finally got to cross the street a half block away from my apartment but I’m still in a state of alarm.

Im worried about going back to work.

Ill figure it out.

I need to find a support group...",2.7275386100386108,4.959531966216215,3.2031274131274152,90.92662162162165,77.31081081081079,5.5799227799227795,23.40926640926641,6.5431188927421005,0.6262590733590736,593,19,117,5,14,184,103,148,0.14800000000000002,0.7879999999999999,0.064,-0.9159999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,4,9,7,0,1,11,0,5,1,0,2,0,25,19,10,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,9,0,2,4,0,2,4,0,3,0,1,9,3,10,4,21,9,2,30,0,1,0,0,4,12,0,3,11,73,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770343815672098,0.2745057459047823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425150163999129,0.0,0.0,0.1151155449492114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955343082762804,0.1631426651869671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014437352934004,0.1497144853545903,0.28552008540995344,0.1967931395198659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011786489846694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280696588241372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29099711688725954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948501322291606,0.1517514322910716,0.0,0.1688978055429612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235297247176894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750697410880178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374707257182645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123959598605882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634081725045368,0.0,0.14254762103520788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255583450160375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143734184779974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118747942281975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416375813113034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833645968285902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598953117640215,0.18127196898183429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ohnoiysme,2020/02/12,i was like 6 i was like 5 or 6 when i was raped but now im doubting if it 'counts' as rape and i have no one to say if it does or dosen't,-3.715833333333337,-2.592030916666665,0.04777777777777814,110.75000000000004,94.27777777777777,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.8288111111111107,101,2,35,0,4,37,25,36,0.374,0.54,0.086,-0.9294,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,4,8,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,1,4,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,4,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4387126302467722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5415167122787244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4898438587770573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397105964552772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39867352941874906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,anxietyrelief215,2020/02/12,"Difficulty talking to a professor We’re about a month into the school semester and I began therapy about a year ago but we are barely starting EMDR for a sexual assault experience (happened about 3yrs ago and coming up on the anniversary of the event). 
I am am an A student but have been struggling with keeping up with the work because I feel uncomfortable asking my male professor or the male assistant or the male tutor for help (not a slight on men, just happens to be the case that my small school only has this available for the courses I happen to be struggling with). I’m utterly embarrassed that I can’t just muster up and ask for help and even more embarrassed that it’s taking so long and my grades are struggling. I’ve made a few appointments with my professor but have bailed on them for the thought of being in a one on one conversation in their office or even in a classroom. I just can’t get myself to fucking relax and I don’t know what to do at this point..",7.379214659685862,6.692865272251312,7.674706806282724,74.05792408376965,63.81675392670157,10.990785340314135,35.330366492146595,10.355215969177356,3.5449597905759163,781,31,146,16,10,256,108,191,0.146,0.7959999999999999,0.057999999999999996,-0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,2,1,9,8,2,5,19,0,15,1,0,1,0,28,32,13,0,0,10,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,13,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,7,0,2,4,1,15,1,31,25,2,23,0,0,0,1,13,14,1,3,8,110,22,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616320238775099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27592472977314475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996012923986553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712248299565945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494331242765767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435631276058475,0.0,0.0,0.07461817080699315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364303743192222,0.07710165713932111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914992935233568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783233746071985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117111839395654,0.0,0.0,0.08110316132206333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305989102236956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396386901429646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779266765350745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000007871701868,0.11223716173436243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950573271084918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987068234287281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445408793637373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628311587966572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095776145811292,0.11861490353937658,0.0,0.0,0.168764459159888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715777787349956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743609365544483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503322808122068
ptsd,remineur,2020/02/12,"No therapist can explain me why it worked, any idea ? Hello, i have a rather strange post-traumatic stress, 1 year after the traumatic event, I woke up with obsessive thoughts, it didn't leave me until the day I had for a week forced my brain to imagine a mental barrier where the aggressor was behind, Every time I had the face of the aggressor that came to mind, I imagined him behind this barrier and I pronounced the sequence of words.  After a week the obsessive thoughts were no longer there, I still had social anxiety but the thoughts came back only a few times a month, which is nothing.  I can't explain why this worked for a year or two. Two years later, I woke up and it was back, since then I can't reproduce the disappearance of his thoughts, could you explain to me what happened to make it work long enough? I tried everything, EMDR, medication... thx",8.40670731707317,7.20748954878049,7.8745121951219526,75.11896341463417,62.04878048780488,11.614634146341464,37.57317073170732,10.686352973137794,3.8466853658536575,682,28,129,14,8,215,100,164,0.13699999999999998,0.8340000000000001,0.028999999999999998,-0.8144,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,3,6,3,0,3,16,0,13,3,2,1,0,24,26,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,10,0,0,3,5,3,0,2,15,0,18,0,17,10,2,25,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,19,90,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844588810182383,0.0,0.09949625064564592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001764430236876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519100459020112,0.0,0.2975100961973337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384306442864673,0.0,0.0,0.08387853612110338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343877016687018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095819377072064,0.0,0.11689037185365588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501244530383935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682295179839638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377157388938762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509982470464687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681667651596083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102269753454224,0.13107082044381926,0.0,0.13132445674532414,0.0,0.10381338845162516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479696406212833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891719325103764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245624127540818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758774010530353,0.0,0.0,0.13258073276387164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038668216812446,0.0,0.1489843486796621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101075687197565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130153819179141,0.15167914107493255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830282977574606,0.0,0.2541012477463569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086540556921508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347195079311351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28405770443672695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251264911962809
ptsd,liquidhorses,2020/02/12,"I think my SO is becoming a trigger for me and I don’t know what to do. It’s destroying my relationship. Do you ever have someone close to you begin to become a trigger? And the person hasn’t done much wrong, they have always been supportive through hard parts of your life and are generally positive.

My partner irritates me extremely easily and makes it much easier to snap or get upset when he is around me. After a bit of time on my own, I begin to cool down and feel bad but every time I am near them I feel extremely overtaken by irritation, anger, anxiety, and so many emotions that it’s making me anxious to just type out. I am so sick of feeling this way. So many times today I just wanted to drop everything in my life and just cry in the bathroom. This PTSD is destroying my life in so many ways.",2.8468253968253947,4.726130049382718,4.729029982363318,81.7677777777778,75.66666666666667,8.579188712522045,25.7689594356261,9.23628265651192,2.2689403880070547,636,23,126,16,14,217,100,162,0.23800000000000002,0.7,0.063,-0.9872,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,2,0,11,8,3,1,5,1,14,4,0,4,1,27,26,15,0,1,5,0,4,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,7,10,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,22,2,22,24,5,21,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,9,93,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513977835587097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585713371710707,0.15632530450501353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231838290102276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553804083644392,0.0,0.3056504724679752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510705709283092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199935524276145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160652052092776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565418757557958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516886337862362,0.1165876076493047,0.0,0.12436327643765648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099009371231292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229566164319583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395756684608375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604773913663569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29321682994122106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847338864567972,0.4208741280368828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344431839419744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984754282877533,0.0,0.0,0.12082444022591438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175394413459054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856385924569712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724539450180242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702725579200494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866564660228693,0.0,0.0,0.24206418354470524,0.0,0.13116411009936274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161765166986744,0.21967259120471835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129225110262615,0.0,0.0
ptsd,shakiemail,2020/02/12,Not sure what to call this... My SO had addressed this in the past but I just kinda blew it off. Til last night. I love cuddles to fall asleep. While asleep I apparently fight him off. Like I can't be touched. Am adverse to touch. Same thing last night yet I awoke to me punching him. I was jerking.  I was dreaming of ashes.....,-0.981818181818184,0.9136761212121236,0.3216666666666672,102.5525,105.96969696969695,2.8060606060606066,17.62121212121212,4.7782277997778095,-0.9141878787878784,248,8,57,1,12,77,50,66,0.11599999999999999,0.755,0.129,0.444,1,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,1,6,7,4,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,2,11,3,9,3,1,12,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,9,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148633253258043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5026983973822229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064590908025102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783010071239459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5787376063073759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943582373432281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29061945608428386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485631560773307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jembella1,2020/02/12,"I've started therapy and scored really high on ptsd. 35 is moderate. i scored 65. had a really traumatic childhood and bad time through adolescence. have severe anxiety and depression. had treatment in the past but it's never been for ptsd.

 my first appointment was today and it explains so much why i'm the way i am. but to be frank i am sick and tired of the way life is. everyday is fearful for me yet i'm in a safe environment now. it's bizarre. if this doesn't help in the next 6-7 sessions i don't know where to turn to anymore",0.8272237762237751,3.2063108272727305,3.0500000000000007,88.26653846153849,86.18181818181819,7.384615384615384,24.825174825174827,8.384062270229773,1.9514055944055944,421,18,89,11,13,143,77,110,0.244,0.723,0.033,-0.9714,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,6,0,13,3,0,0,1,12,19,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,6,1,11,14,1,19,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,11,55,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506123768034013,0.0,0.18805527240715425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832746093131475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332219409969495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21337883118773104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129340672653325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710044149893135,0.20034733385444994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421195789631747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339364820187694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393948786869816,0.0,0.14624911051259462,0.0,0.2016664365257687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101681157106364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433187733676253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429549695733408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21422025475254888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421628499655494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685066803407813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057081946224824,0.2179439867743272,0.17974063232338516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625560230014506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30102815791104426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711054542621646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ChapsCupcake65,2020/02/12,I had a horrible flashback/nightmare I guess you could call it a flash back. I was laying on a couch and my step father was laying next to me. He wanted to sleep with me and I finally stood up and said no. Even though I’m a grown woman now i felt like a teenager again. I stood up and yelled and told everyone. I’ve never told anyone about what he did to me. It wasn’t the first time I was molested. It wasn’t the last either. But it was the most impactful because he’s the only “father” figure I’ve had in my life. I feel so in shock I guess. I try not to thing about the things he’s done to me but they just pop up in my mind without warning. I hate feeling this way,0.11522831050228532,1.9805231712328784,2.26901369863014,96.1310091324201,84.41095890410959,5.263196347031964,17.952511415525112,6.42735559955562,-0.2737510502283107,517,12,123,5,15,174,86,146,0.071,0.866,0.063,0.2516,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,1,9,4,2,0,10,0,11,2,1,0,1,23,24,9,0,2,6,2,3,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,8,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,16,5,20,1,16,7,2,19,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,3,10,85,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568801328534102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821955119241336,0.0,0.10957622787554594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354869365985052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351875615607812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395051269249327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872566772570085,0.0,0.0,0.17176242743172682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177781106121746,0.0,0.17259180535916252,0.1969114653216855,0.0,0.15289846228037407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960380796730852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746963025611795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465233114223951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696540149736948,0.08781861078380282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150006250934772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863718648562534,0.0,0.19117017033827916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671083972675033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098699550074886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988358290010195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238840830883443,0.0,0.17660716329929899,0.0,0.10481586700888693,0.0,0.0,0.34352485486345363,0.0,0.12204100836397215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602342896498623,0.14268017329973334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327621674362406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,A_Gnome_In_Disguise,2020/02/12,"Did I just have an episode of PTSD? About 6 years ago I was raped. Won’t go into too much detail. But last night I was trying to talk about it with my current boyfriend(who I trust, and he’s known about the incident, so this isn’t the first time$ , and I began to freak out. I could suddenly see and feel and hear everything from that day, as if it was happening now. I was breathing so rapidly that I felt as though I was going to pass out. My eyes were “fixed” on a single spot on the room, and my vision was blurry. I felt like I couldn’t look away and I was stuck. I got extremely dizzy.
This happened for a full 2-3 minutes. He tried to talk to me but I couldn’t reply. It wasn’t until my female friend came in and sat down that I was able to relax. 
About an hour later, I was still feeling the effects. I stuttered when I spoke and I spoke very slowly, where as I normally speak very fast. I went to bed shortly after and when I woke up I could feel a dull pain in my chest. 
I don’t know what this is. If it’s from PTSD, or a panic attack. I’ve never had it this bad. I’ve had smaller renditions of this, but I was always able to break myself out of them, this time my friend had to come help me. 
Any words of advice?",0.6904961832061076,2.4491887061068702,2.32391755725191,97.06726564885496,81.78625954198473,5.2607022900763365,17.731908396946565,6.152001189255117,-0.46091193893129706,939,19,224,7,25,307,146,262,0.131,0.779,0.08900000000000001,-0.8978,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,2,14,13,2,1,10,0,25,5,3,1,1,38,48,24,0,7,7,0,5,1,2,1,1,4,2,0,15,16,0,0,8,1,0,6,7,8,0,1,27,12,35,5,37,16,3,43,0,1,3,1,12,15,0,3,22,152,50,0,0.2641521066695438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906319072794145,0.11707745226822497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098978567665652,0.0,0.0,0.0898162453484979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025557778644122,0.1240897997858303,0.0,0.1102779877141012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105981955289974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137718251349118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090396292308544,0.0,0.0,0.08517812802165207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187014404242114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003448630223044,0.0,0.25362744698477946,0.0,0.0,0.11234382349547388,0.0,0.0,0.2040832623552577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012372960798878,0.0,0.10563328522890623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23358883555214854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885931110346154,0.0,0.0885277945065799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006830783980966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258554482559462,0.10765961142385423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645256882402253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109106205971745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709109606652702,0.0,0.1018651945621914,0.0,0.0,0.12394442897745947,0.12940648986672315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053823280234046,0.15496279121293186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30877967697640274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524751456354288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547610680274212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123154574370163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976405181466316,0.0,0.1540292176539821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793419410289467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179531522489342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224358246546894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505264806408794
ptsd,lepleinsoleil,2020/02/12,"Productivity and PTSD TW: rape Before I was raped my freshman year of college, I was a super clean and productive person. A straight A student in high school, super clean and organized, etc. However after this happened to me i felt it impossible to keep myself organized and productive. Over 4 years later and lots of therapy, I live a very happy life and my PTSD symptoms are mostly under control, except my productivity! I cannot seem to focus and work, keep myself organized, etc. like other people. Has anyone else experienced this and if so what has helped you?",5.770588235294117,7.876789735294117,6.966813725490197,67.8231617647059,68.31372549019608,9.41372549019608,30.39705882352941,9.827888789773867,3.4203294117647056,451,18,69,11,8,152,70,102,0.08199999999999999,0.7240000000000001,0.193,0.8906,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,4,1,6,2,0,4,0,6,4,0,1,0,17,11,10,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,5,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,12,4,10,8,4,9,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,4,5,51,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205934886741522,0.17886165400540366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854127865213906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957885960530615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582599119277892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389370458414896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760900925504582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543665473330455,0.18582683905108147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700670495392085,0.1844366636665805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31032136697965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329985835861974,0.0852832515251644,0.0,0.15414338854199658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840824207659145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102083799303733,0.1524227279426748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081124212019041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666829197520692,0.0,0.1589166933398014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814390453307824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962937842302733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403374850297765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708481811514155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22482724556850303
ptsd,veridiantrees,2020/02/12,"New to this and just need to get a lot off my chest I was in a serious accident in October. I'm still working through serious physical injuries so I put emotional health on the back burner. At my last orthopedic appointment, she referred me to an EMDR therapist and I just feel so lost. I have diagnosed bipolar disorder and struggled with severe anorexia but this is so different and I feel like none of my coping mechanisms are working. I have no motivation to do the things I need to do. It's my last semester of college and I'm so scared I'm going to screw it all up, not graduate, and lose the job I have lined up.",1.9893114143920627,4.379616975806453,4.40258064516129,80.4873325062035,80.85483870967742,8.97667493796526,29.69975186104218,9.466822959209583,3.3262823821339955,491,25,95,16,13,171,79,124,0.166,0.7509999999999999,0.083,-0.7602,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,5,8,8,1,2,6,0,8,6,1,1,1,19,18,11,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,2,2,14,1,17,16,3,14,0,2,0,1,1,7,1,1,6,70,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620812701854094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929910063599589,0.0,0.19865882496525206,0.2179201974672978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213885131549064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922838922533675,0.1358381013542378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934179954826687,0.0,0.10806257250554946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021129749152912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868745482874835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309983627392919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289419976625428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272123022258588,0.20756339936448887,0.16165266497084269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819770514697518,0.0,0.1836411646913067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911460979893048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036617940510805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148073163933817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184833828386124,0.0,0.0,0.19877860782675275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22077052250977194,0.12632247116186926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768525418560674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,trishthedish123,2020/02/12,"Mom is refusing to let me out the house I'm in my early 20's about to graduate university. I recently got diagnosed with PTSD due to my past in sex work. She know's this already. What is annoying me is that I feel locked up and caged inside the apartment, because every time I go out or announce that I'm leaving and will be back she believes I'm going back into the industry. It doesn't help me or the situation and it's making me feel depressed with no freedom. Not sure how to go about this.",2.2176591154261054,3.9915850485436906,4.339352750809063,84.33539374325781,77.15533980582525,7.684573894282633,26.97842502696871,8.515128840125781,1.9846276159654792,392,16,81,8,9,135,68,103,0.14400000000000002,0.8170000000000001,0.04,-0.8368,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,4,0,7,2,0,2,1,18,18,6,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,2,11,1,14,14,0,17,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,2,7,53,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22241927695439365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099643696948698,0.0,0.12286513056211285,0.0,0.0,0.22708175160574434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735977168518075,0.20457253937586287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698174997002225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20382299082879696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436424621940595,0.0,0.1612007300933146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509704897549146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325656546536139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076852144427073,0.0,0.0,0.2134160331314235,0.0,0.2061020888081785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453851288535806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23605699961175405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240560276424296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356052320947462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900974575454405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265545561062194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996176946702145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175274549481181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673333381795556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwra10514,2020/02/12,Flaahbacks I’ve been going to therapy for a while and just started working through a rather difficult trauma mostly responsible for my ptsd.  My flashbacks have always been vivid and intense but I’m noticing after therapy and processing and discussing that I’m physically feeling more in my flashbacks than I have previously.  Is this weird? Normal? Most of my feelings in my flashbacks was overwhelming fear previously. So much fear I couldn’t really feel intensely anything else. Now I’m feeling more of the physical pain and other senses after going to therapy.  I'm also starting to remember things around the incident and during that I previously didn't/blocked out. Maybe this is a sign of progress in processing my trauma?  Has anyone else noticed their flashbacks change like this during therapy?,6.96884428223844,9.933898919708033,6.9500912408759135,65.56825121654501,67.1021897810219,9.822141119221412,37.69403892944039,10.125756701596842,4.907808272506084,660,36,87,18,12,210,85,137,0.16,0.75,0.09,-0.9249,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,6,9,0,3,5,0,9,1,0,0,0,21,21,10,0,3,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,3,5,10,1,17,17,5,13,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,2,7,66,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810327994828617,0.11248046708546533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945208966059222,0.1385077346543361,0.11124150130234754,0.12033872934531308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300236071930436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258508432805253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042298346886333,0.2734039823759727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365165184964727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604204818741981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580633217697846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937274626383118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324475549602157,0.0,0.30780631819061866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384089493711047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580180147033199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659967558479317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313242219787782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136199204831067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6183597737498585,0.0,0.08980748796607578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841254328082423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lazy4Titan,2020/02/12,"Does anyone related to this? So about a month ago I experienced my first ptsd-flashback-panicattack, thing and have had quite a few episodes since then. My main issue that I am still fighting is, in my flashbacks I experienced the traumatic memories in the wrong way round, instead of being the victim I was the abuser... Which was actually more traumatic than the actual event, I think it's due to my ""adverse childhood experiences"" it's easier for me to remember an event as something I did wrong because of years of gaslighting etc?

It's lead to crippling anxiety because I want to connect to dots as to why I feel like I've done something wrong, even though I can now think clearly into these memories and know 'I'm not a bad person.' 

Sorry about the formatting and stuff, on the phone!",9.190752895752896,7.828893094594598,9.000308880308879,68.19256756756756,60.621621621621635,12.511196911196912,40.06177606177606,11.491704259439757,4.622518146718146,630,28,111,15,7,205,100,148,0.17,0.743,0.087,-0.9298,0,0,2,0,3,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,8,8,2,0,11,0,10,0,0,1,1,13,16,8,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,5,4,14,1,20,10,4,17,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,12,80,23,1,0.0,0.17806061583752086,0.293308787525273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332166887184156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496597731484955,0.0,0.0,0.10508127065456883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547991160711144,0.18322207436848525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151354439042476,0.15379154388735194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760511548375132,0.09926041233228594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470054750680553,0.0,0.0,0.07598753001113223,0.10736210591898494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783052478581294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685626216019302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259153016359402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342061479905097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995434585986076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312211975360434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567262232568398,0.0,0.0,0.15984432134556376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024118560843934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431553559092365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313901770923429,0.0,0.16822935903893313,0.0,0.0,0.1200160869146686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203792097374196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984125509426096,0.1925903783324837,0.14765214789462913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864072510639771,0.1192875399622432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356069070394886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929321500804861,0.0,0.0967772352602317
ptsd,suckafuck-,2020/02/12,Does anyone else feel like they can't be real unless they're fucked up? I've been drinking a lot lately and I only feel like myself when I'm drunk or high. I feel like I can't connect anymore when I'm sober. Idk I'm lost.,0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,2.2340000000000018,96.857,84.0,4.0,16.0,3.1291,-1.1062000000000003,175,3,41,0,5,59,34,50,0.21,0.64,0.15,-0.4588,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,8,12,5,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,5,3,2,9,1,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,2,6,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163114068143784,0.1525110343475362,0.2234845270812144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908738499330492,0.0,0.0,0.2136695995963466,0.0,0.0,0.18220704073821745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33085639507372144,0.4674640605724978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016437432403793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23045040472854786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460431476958875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31967982026724096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23809821772102274,0.1854335183238293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658862371061017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482625480697008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,theunstoppablenerd,2020/02/12,"Everyone's calling me the r word these days People say that I'm being stupid and idiotic and idk if I blame them because I find doing the simplest of things I apparently was able to do before difficult cause I don't even remember what I'm doing half the time.

Everyone's getting frustrated with me and calling me the r word.

Idk what to do. I'm pushing myself but everytime people make such comments I just fall apart and then stop doing the work iw as supposed to. It's hard enough pushing myself to work with 0 self belief but when people sya these things without taking into account that I have mental health issues then I just go from 0 to - 10000",4.868759689922481,6.019013085271318,5.824806201550387,78.83085271317833,69.31007751937986,8.213953488372093,29.06201550387597,8.515128840125781,2.2237038759689933,524,19,95,8,9,173,80,129,0.142,0.858,0.0,-0.899,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,7,4,3,0,5,0,9,1,0,2,0,21,16,11,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,9,7,0,1,3,0,1,4,2,4,0,1,1,2,13,0,12,14,1,12,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,64,22,2,0.17525924081839156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683640650543012,0.0,0.14913270548342342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579185600668179,0.0,0.0,0.18003951770024645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302771149262013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108964551355267,0.0,0.11575707565128122,0.0,0.0,0.3349354303434764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018377101915424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156571976920297,0.0,0.0996038654078815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699785535013486,0.0,0.0,0.18629237749837368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292511363413666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698690415658468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662009333157325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645080711612583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853455510007031,0.0,0.0,0.13937318268963142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283361079374427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652457291349508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177313781379374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328689040778049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219507271868436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894365400833622,0.0,0.25518162928654603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NiceButNotTHATNice97,2020/02/12,"Does PTSD damage your brain or something? I can deal with the ptsd episodes, that part has been improving. What I can’t deal with is what the event seems to have done to my mind. I was so much smarter and capable of remembering things before it, but now my mind seems slow and I can never remember anything, to the point where it’s concerning and disabling. I had to drop out of college, and now it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even mentally keep up in cleaning jobs, which require minimal thinking. And it only seems to get worse. At this point I’m barely literate, I can barely form sentences vocally, and I can’t remember ANYTHING. I tried to bring this up to my counselor, but she just wants to work on anxiety. But my brain not working is the cause of my anxiety...
Can anyone offer any advice here? Any tips to try to sharpen my mind or get my memory back at all?",5.102539184952981,5.5778017931034505,5.702079414838035,82.35540752351098,68.42528735632183,9.315778474399163,30.760710553814,9.339509955726095,2.541294252873564,688,26,139,13,11,223,101,174,0.09699999999999999,0.8690000000000001,0.034,-0.8983,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,3,9,1,0,0,5,0,15,2,2,1,2,32,26,12,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,11,9,0,2,7,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,0,18,0,23,21,4,20,0,1,0,0,5,12,0,5,6,98,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103330377156263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453816688017086,0.0,0.17384604888049138,0.0,0.0,0.0794494342644045,0.0,0.18700783980165464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737082287701263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668674020736344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536867702773112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167244570432448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342853387040109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943424394127838,0.11627810627324378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504842257356881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872903305183087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275555286243627,0.10099536526886907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450755234403125,0.0,0.3441874107577341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352765108521977,0.0,0.08763481692789489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641714185937235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230451002237127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222378356930112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656437321813665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38614586027097797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103205489339045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747428799543024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548758388697915,0.07280648829220347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542882064586807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701913117933632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544110707669313,0.0,0.11579386259879886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,widerthanamile,2020/02/12,"I forgot to take my Prazosin last night. (TW: brief description of sexual assault) The title explains it. I forgot to take my Prazosin and I had nightmares about *the incident* all night long.

I’m just so angry. My husband put his hand between my closed legs and I flinched. I’m angry that there are little things I can’t do, like certain sexual things or being in a setting where I can’t escape. I’m sick and tired of it.

I’ve only very briefly talked to my mental health providers about it, enough to be diagnosed with PTSD. I’ve never reported it and I’m not sure if I plan to either. I wrote out an entire letter to “the really bad dude” that I haven’t deleted. 

Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so naive. Maybe I should’ve stayed home and avoided this entire thing. Maybe I should’ve reported it as soon as it happened. 

My husband and best friend have supported me throughout this... journey, but I’m still struggling. I thought that I’d give this sub a try to see what happens. Thanks.",1.5929760869565186,4.110268014999999,2.551304347826086,92.25891304347826,83.85,5.278260869565218,22.195652173913047,6.7026698264267655,0.6009630434782607,793,27,159,9,23,250,118,200,0.11599999999999999,0.7959999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.6586,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,9,12,1,2,6,0,13,6,2,0,4,26,31,13,0,2,6,2,1,1,1,1,4,0,1,0,17,9,0,3,2,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,7,2,22,7,17,21,4,17,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,2,8,97,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308669249389187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213586095417075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746868801923204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994566330400432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464056160034636,0.0,0.0,0.1299263317816988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23953818312840255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396632266607834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358573028263613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040162795375798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616911330388765,0.13574640113765052,0.0,0.11986008477305354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5442704960150311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364916036143676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445963126521578,0.0,0.0,0.25420241730277243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030081774581819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832204187984408,0.13615454837089788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676629364353405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792809663928846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436095508550065,0.10816251096617874,0.0,0.0,0.14159123235652815,0.0,0.0,0.15369563877275727,0.12765054049832242,0.0,0.20366795820605016,0.10886149332506227,0.0,0.12469489973834078,0.0,0.0,0.2699408335989539,0.0,0.0,0.10752418349959847,0.0,0.1556682869052848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195482868701656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175213484285378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Baxter072315,2020/02/12,"Help, Childhood Trauma I need someone to help me. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m constantly having nightmares and flashbacks everyday. I get random bursts of rage that I can’t calm down from. I’m pushing my friends away. I’m getting to the point that I’m anxious, depressed, and suicidal everyday.

I am on an antidepressant, lamictal, and nuvigil to help with my mood but I feel like it’s not enough.

I am seeing a therapist, once a week. I am a college student, and am trying to keep up with my schoolwork but I can’t.

What can I do?

I feel like I’m still a little kid. A little kid who is trapped and will never get out. Everyday I feel like I’m going to be attacked and yelled at. Everyday I feel like I’m on edge and I can’t function.",0.5304587813620074,2.8032114258064524,2.918010752688176,89.47923835125452,86.35483870967741,6.025089605734768,25.38530465949821,7.3871296695380915,1.4149713261648742,581,26,122,10,18,199,83,155,0.128,0.723,0.149,0.2617,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,2,11,2,0,7,0,15,0,0,0,1,22,34,9,1,1,3,0,4,4,1,1,0,1,0,2,6,10,0,1,5,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,0,6,18,6,17,32,1,21,0,1,1,0,7,10,0,1,13,76,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872386208084802,0.14811583471344686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990806486056098,0.14031996722618473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139512739454284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863560163276552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431927211969365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020649525504282,0.4267848872753353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538803646443085,0.0,0.23408884344259875,0.0,0.08487948588370207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300320024173047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327498289798057,0.0,0.0,0.08207927878521115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29186097406047457,0.2993774200908843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074170549903216,0.11518852304641895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590536985843333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411847545848245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901322928784445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654442499999927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927171995805233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336550466164562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340775824991028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139937098333424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198001811155826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,birds-with-hats,2020/02/12,"is it weird to feel disconnected from your trauma sometimes? i am usually super emotional about my sexual trauma. i have frequent panic attacks, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, sadness and a lot of rage. 
despite the fact that even a year later, all i can think of is the months of violation...sometimes i feel nothing about my trauma. at times i feel like i dont deserve to be upset. i think it is because i blame myself but im not sure.  does anyone else feel disconnected from their trauma sometimes? is that normal?",3.597789473684209,6.399051357894741,4.7592105263157904,77.86197368421053,77.52631578947368,6.326315789473685,28.447368421052627,7.554174236665415,2.1556105263157903,409,18,65,6,10,134,64,95,0.27699999999999997,0.667,0.055999999999999994,-0.9512,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,1,3,14,2,2,4,0,9,1,1,0,3,14,15,2,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,11,0,0,0,4,13,3,10,14,2,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233193821093948,0.17926109723772793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903548672965735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665036376561532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531034663556534,0.0,0.2050448412077549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615165744920958,0.1967997557727865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555549864011495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538480936981159,0.12498720681302075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898039405146516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547371055810675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487396751512115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396466519147875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141782072947406,0.1678731275448842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527087931397506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508039767117706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5191020809582041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489211969685635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420697918317847,0.0,0.0,0.10201711230288556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268716649531425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126646707860824
ptsd,begaydocrime69,2020/02/12,"cant focus cant function im either ruminating over what happened or dissociating. its getting harder and harder to care about school or pets or friends or anything. i want to lay down and stop feeling. i dont have access to therapy, my parents are tied to it, i cant talk to anyone about it. im stuck and im drowning and i dont know how to help myself.",0.2578666666666685,2.521768120000001,3.078666666666667,87.83266666666668,87.8,4.933333333333334,23.0,6.42735559955562,0.6658000000000004,279,11,58,3,9,98,46,75,0.057999999999999996,0.778,0.16399999999999998,0.765,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,14,14,9,1,1,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,10,13,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,1,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682007539286709,0.0,0.16102334130894502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950307031695808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586578295618755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893884533636277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511775397579765,0.0,0.10223178682061232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303420704943767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115641154743296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6340857213586517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753752132425196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172732412829156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803291801788173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359254249112407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727565375765168,0.0,0.0,0.22377070547982672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541381843205215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,greenbeanz17,2020/02/12,"PTSD after losing child to sids. Every day now I worry about someone I love dying It’s eating at my life but I feel genuine fear for my loved ones every day. I don’t think I’ll be able to bear the anxiety of having a child ever again.
I know I need serious therapy, but just wondering if there’s any other ways to maybe get over or lessen this...",3.3550684931506862,4.000609986301373,5.136876712328768,84.23791780821921,72.42465753424658,8.031780821917808,22.819178082191787,8.238735603445708,1.139133698630137,271,6,57,4,5,93,59,73,0.155,0.738,0.107,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,11,11,4,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,8,2,9,10,0,9,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,3,6,35,11,0,0.198978464384042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353121790434315,0.0,0.15221798062578512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25664929690011523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065082313825178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036046440929657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998741276743846,0.33529587622870866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390609173803208,0.10060949022647753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395803510740513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935336028907096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054437388673915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222606004925706,0.0,0.0,0.3591716654890444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990061199714604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754001009379972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483295706976042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325951768184369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859380716307593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275492151682741,0.0,0.0,0.12749736557904282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793984334289626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21578365677147548,0.0,0.20207228922650372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kaibirdfly,2020/02/12,"How can I improve my memory I feel like I have adequate to great memory, but recently I realized that I can barely remember any interaction I have after a couple days. I feel like this is a ptsd symptom? I’d like to be able to remember conversations and interactions with people.
Any way I can work on this?",3.7239999999999998,5.6449834000000045,6.593333333333334,69.165,73.33333333333334,11.466666666666667,28.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,4.120066666666668,244,10,44,10,5,89,39,60,0.0,0.747,0.253,0.9111,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,0,9,9,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,4,6,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,30,12,1,0.21763264026037069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959953166365651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408063770091256,0.0,0.14035504866882326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200832040896412,0.310953603374133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239940754197772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189729449458197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087907025159844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544009101664568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148859768597648,0.0,0.4930707129345522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262036432801849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274665987311005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843915410178547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Mimi_dpc,2020/02/12,"I feel so alone. 22F 
I’ve had a lot of trauma events in my life, starting at my childhood, witnessed a lot of abuse from my mother, took me a long time to feel “okay” again but now I feel it come back. 

My boyfriend has a painkiller problem, and he’s generally not very healthy/doesn’t take care of himself. Recently all of his mistreatment of his body came to a head when he had two grand mal seizures within 20 minutes of each other. His blood tests are fine but I can’t get the look of him seizing and making weird noises out of my head, its replaying constantly in my mind and I feel super anxious and depressed. I try my best to help him, but he told me today that he’s taken 3.5 boxes of 32 codeine and ibuprofen pills over the span of 3 days and I just broke down. I can’t be left alone with him because I feel overwhelmed with emotions and I can’t stand it. I feel so alone, like no one takes it seriously even though they know how bad it is. I’m considering suicide again. I just want someone to talk to. I’m constantly worried he’ll have another seizure. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I’m constantly asking him if he feels ok, if he does any weird movements or makes weird noises, I am sent into a panic attack. He hadn’t had one since, but after hearing about how many painkillers he’s had, I can’t stop myself from having these thoughts. 
I just need someone but I have no one right now.",2.5193757259001157,4.158576226480836,3.381763937282233,92.11610699767712,75.93379790940767,6.17706155632985,25.198751451800238,6.816661863887847,0.7928305458768876,1095,38,239,10,24,348,167,287,0.20800000000000002,0.6779999999999999,0.114,-0.9813,0,3,0,0,1,1,29.0,0,0,1,2,16,20,1,2,8,2,19,9,5,4,1,48,50,21,1,5,12,1,7,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,8,14,1,1,9,0,0,5,10,12,0,4,11,9,36,8,29,37,5,36,0,3,1,0,25,11,0,5,20,142,44,1,0.0,0.12188901953167162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196397140611319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995793471751639,0.10787249292736792,0.0,0.1162184826393801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617342265688128,0.11703417194673857,0.0,0.07910385436091281,0.08589559979208361,0.0627111135617777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796005046554996,0.0,0.0,0.11426996485241762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176605964067758,0.10488702965727033,0.0,0.0,0.08861695214042882,0.0,0.33351115686639465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634530197045971,0.0,0.08860533566971225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900258426350225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526591545811258,0.0,0.11571954747683952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794739128910918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641137508307483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053747485886475835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115706894885966,0.0,0.11594661887571985,0.0,0.06895435947858401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653693033639191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177304103505978,0.0,0.07266303892812817,0.050259102548734974,0.0,0.0,0.0910403659853038,0.08638835797588958,0.0,0.0,0.1749198095573084,0.0,0.0,0.13733855848907656,0.1042982190194081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387354312306628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627986236960091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913051452881504,0.0,0.0,0.12070062369290205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843664700404377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015757905340324,0.0,0.0,0.08785394318384918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509854172109038,0.0,0.10294842242571167,0.0,0.1743298295640677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281483726089452,0.0,0.0,0.08600737737376198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252759884251223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469708276668015,0.0826863272521936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107330840102237,0.08167056644928337,0.05998673130577273,0.0,0.09751264455079728,0.09830063784045877,0.11429694139452545,0.0698447800502805,0.0,0.10049307482227958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488192941792158,0.06067782604803595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447367057321123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ManInYourRadiator,2020/02/12,"How to get diagnosed officially without parents knowing? I apologize if the title sounds stupid or if the formatting is off. I'm using mobile.

My dad was extremely abusive up until about a year ago as a result of alcoholism. Most of it was verbal abuse, sometimes it was physical. When it was physical, it was bad though. I was pretty okay until a few years ago, when my mom and I confronted him about his behavior, and he took it badly. It was a very long and scary argument, and it ended with him attempting to throw a circular saw at me. I have thought about it nearly every day since then, and it's caused many problems in my day to day life. Notably any illicit substances, including legal ones and prescription drugs, make me extremely nervous. I get really quiet and I think about all of the shit he did to me, and sometimes start crying. It's awful. And it's only going to get worse when I go to college in a few months.

Is there a way for me to get a diagnosis without my parents knowing under 18? My mom would be heartbroken to know how much my dad's actions really affect me, and my dad would, I don't know. I don't like to think about that.",3.5987280701754396,5.202240364035092,5.2385964912280745,80.06517543859654,72.99122807017544,8.750877192982456,28.017543859649123,9.2995712137729,2.5492701754385965,905,35,172,21,18,307,127,228,0.192,0.757,0.051,-0.9875,2,0,2,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,12,9,3,1,11,2,16,5,1,7,1,35,35,23,0,5,5,7,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,12,11,1,0,7,0,0,5,4,7,0,1,11,3,24,2,31,21,5,30,0,0,1,0,13,7,1,4,18,121,36,2,0.0,0.2757457418187017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206300166269278,0.1243582315553718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913183106610107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943189466502848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953836650839154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782090811158733,0.2251363729684842,0.0,0.0,0.11810748932610535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349458439012779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030643831241931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804208616865996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431825347943748,0.0,0.1322652217787356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25580348181748713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219166767040742,0.0568498030777993,0.0,0.0,0.10297889568116787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767418844697759,0.1179753101812554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725693257468281,0.09288101113186893,0.0,0.0855412757697458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885157756244911,0.08850042431438455,0.0,0.0,0.2584179500397621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838450150511845,0.0,0.11134508405501928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909212051162882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944645800119033,0.09625789347035693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301748758930788,0.0,0.08236337199634393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912330975226434,0.11432750263393684,0.09238039249491026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292852096667032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050154206409556,0.0,0.0960128758286783,0.0,0.09236470131786878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243423964925201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858533796074415,0.16532396407665564,0.0,0.0,0.1498698092358971
ptsd,LuckySpartanII,2020/02/12,"Endure. Today, for the first time in 10 years, I received a picture of my daughter from my ex-wife who was granted full custody in the divorce. I’d nearly lost all hope that something like this would ever happen. Hardships come and go, endure. For everyday you do is one less day you have to.",3.1926315789473665,5.2263798421052625,3.968280701754389,86.91663157894739,75.14035087719299,5.261754385964913,27.18947368421053,5.6839178017228535,1.008974736842105,229,9,42,1,5,73,50,57,0.039,0.835,0.126,0.6249,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,2,6,10,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,5,2,8,7,3,14,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,8,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28049730691659946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000133811634894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29454666723651346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769766583407341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850603249503248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28794931970400656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32341933101901194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908404173758284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554584093601303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065208632037525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25068221432749954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898746929970581,0.0,0.3086546481927097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23131482412877555,0.0,0.0,0.2096919751424579
ptsd,Moondelight0101,2020/02/13,"I am afraid to get real help, Is it crazy that I'm in college for psychology and I cant seem to trust the system I'm learning to believe in. I want to say that this is easy but , very day is harder and harder. I know I cant give up but it sure feels crippling. I have been though so much mental anguish as a child and to experience this accident as an adult it feels like their is no hope for me. I am numb to the world I once used to thrive in. I feel the gloom all around me. Fuck it feels like I died that day in that car and again in that hotel. My life was almost taken from me and again a year later and now, I have my life but I dont feel attached to it literally. I'm over amplifying my thoughts with everything. I cant breath sometimes through them. A drink for all of my fellow humans who has been in an accident and survived. Somehow managing.",1.1066774402068518,2.8873130549450563,2.9787007110536545,92.77512281835811,80.53846153846155,6.040594699418229,21.145442792501616,7.048011613610866,0.3526608920491272,664,19,154,8,17,222,102,182,0.195,0.693,0.11199999999999999,-0.9679,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,7,10,1,2,8,0,16,6,1,1,3,30,34,14,1,2,3,0,5,2,1,0,3,1,0,3,13,9,1,0,9,2,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,6,22,5,26,29,3,19,0,1,0,1,10,10,1,4,9,105,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649913180402656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801888013415268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873335653392081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446561284251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256589024559546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948715842191812,0.16288496352539625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943611556828285,0.1626476225494384,0.0,0.0,0.420364993004279,0.23757198528204299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537173927637909,0.08687116613411147,0.1595049218471546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144978261099614,0.0,0.0,0.16514734061760492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137969873305686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348881188551803,0.16246590050684054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756482130105935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223033015098456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770761058591753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925591737640232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222755129964106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136936753286212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444897986209053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671103160321778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633631047296828,0.13200277611622968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436071248252552,0.0,0.13719324858883514,0.09807255949439668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070748366664395
ptsd,jakestars,2020/02/13,"Childhood Trauma This is a lot to unpack here, i recently tried mdma but the calm down brought back some really bad memories of when i was abused by my babysitter as a kid.

I find it hard to coop sometimes, and my bf has been very supportive. I am getting a therapist through the nhs but it's gonna take awhile.

My question is what can i do to help manage it in the mean time any advice?",3.1346666666666683,4.323583800000005,4.3599999999999985,87.55166666666668,73.5,7.833333333333335,27.083333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.690208333333334,304,11,65,5,6,100,64,80,0.153,0.7340000000000001,0.113,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,8,14,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,8,2,9,10,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,5,44,13,1,0.0,0.29010555168121704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392632170111255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650544342454213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882734589026728,0.20443835269506413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237871835295223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279232871384527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193362513907903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411685461266445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816152286142045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667119039585349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742864669303388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568562821208907,0.0,0.2417584525952671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24216152501103985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27785128837166473,0.0,0.0,0.184095674540402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28428809495243834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427731870014121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623612632534893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020257366591892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MisterSincere13,2020/02/13,"I start prolonged exposure therapy next week Very nervous for this, I've read about it and seen it talked about briefly but my new clin psych recommended that I start it next week and in the interest of getting better or starting to cope I agreed to it. 
What should I expect? How difficult is this going to be?",4.038,6.0369734666666695,4.430000000000003,84.67500000000003,72.66666666666666,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.289566666666667,248,10,48,5,5,78,45,60,0.07400000000000001,0.731,0.195,0.8448,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,9,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,2,8,6,0,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,8,30,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109753119843105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247030878584864,0.0,0.13565021506205127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305235097317533,0.5076885194206163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387496427046732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5068275231064263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918460028773256,0.0,0.0,0.2729571575871159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196940164311283,0.0,0.0,0.3829175015284077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BabyTSTU,2020/02/13,"How can i love again? after being in a very abusive relationship, i feel like ive forgotten what love feels like. it does not help that my father is also abusive towards me..all my life its been reiterated that im not deserving of love..or of being love. and i honestly crave it. i fall in love very easily and i can never tell if its genuine.  Whenever i like people, i immediately give up because i know that it probably wont work out, and that my mind could be playing tricks on me. i have such bad abandonment issues that im afraid im going to cling to somebody whos going to hurt me again.",3.3384335154826985,4.4756308032786905,5.558961748633879,79.35152094717671,72.9344262295082,8.700910746812388,26.67030965391621,9.150863307647796,2.132226593806921,466,16,95,10,9,164,78,122,0.175,0.603,0.223,0.7814,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,14,1,1,1,0,11,5,0,1,1,15,22,6,0,2,3,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,3,1,0,3,4,5,0,0,1,2,15,9,12,16,0,13,0,2,0,4,10,6,0,1,7,61,26,1,0.0,0.3086893905160321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417420398863336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876722304316196,0.07940934917003245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400733116119756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399723535587372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173347860011364,0.1861250613155836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496365395816303,0.14806709408477473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731499885162611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945315785295076,0.0,0.4221310523751273,0.13596455268085714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159115166503316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920111970953147,0.19092513574966224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5878537502148118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153219560137833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100469681819051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031050258655103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044949616327998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985764599907166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385880590974805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149672805517539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483568272564076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sentientextinct,2020/02/13,"Mastering the trauma I was diagnosed about 4 years ago after a series of sexual assaults that have continued over the years. I have a tendency to put myself back into those situations where I feel unsafe, and I don't know why I do it. My psychiatrist says I'm trying to master whatever hurt me and take control of it, but I think it's really damaging me. It started with just promiscuity and random hookups that made me feel like shit and now I've literally become a prostitute. What the fuck. I don't even know what's going on or why I'm doing this. I just feel so out of control. I don't know what to do.",3.72913082437276,4.859863830645164,5.8655913978494585,77.54894265232977,71.98387096774194,9.704659498207887,26.681003584229394,9.994966539143718,2.625579928315413,481,16,95,13,9,169,77,124,0.2,0.773,0.026000000000000002,-0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,8,7,3,0,6,0,9,3,1,3,0,22,23,7,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,11,7,0,2,7,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,4,14,1,13,21,0,15,0,2,0,1,1,5,2,2,9,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374504153941866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203993205266913,0.0,0.0,0.2040111031148685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41436319962180396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874890950943416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220072387095983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802032097746616,0.13196554172445382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077265220864904,0.0,0.0,0.10498185544896836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977488833709209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045553901890145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024591239864922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478856585747835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569678255361746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833774013788685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689846883620808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961463367520326,0.0,0.20763543750030325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074728937701624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888806874487056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836249573355995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254142151823837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333660195255037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23791001803464135
ptsd,ratsjones,2020/02/13,"Does anyone have any advice for how to focus? I’m having a really bad relapse (idk if that’s the right work) and can’t focus for shit, but I’m a college student with midterms etc. If anyone has any tips on how to focus through the flashbacks I would appreciate it",3.5494444444444437,4.764746722222224,4.971296296296298,83.46583333333334,72.51851851851852,6.881481481481483,26.462962962962962,7.1686216300943375,1.2973851851851856,209,7,41,2,4,70,41,54,0.09,0.8420000000000001,0.068,-0.0378,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,4,0,5,1,1,2,0,8,7,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,26,3,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988032627965726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4158798029229029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42761494757262186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25531231916521946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675888721143667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410239152231425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958895707971797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611332133004698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31387729023911104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261042820493804,0.0,0.0,0.21721631065632646,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,salt_free_snow,2020/02/13,Things are rough right now. Whenever I am exposed to something that reminds me of my trauma I become upset for a few days. I can’t sleep and my body feels as if it’s fight/flight mode is in maximum overdrive. Every time I think things are going back to normal and the fight/flight feelings are at their baseline again something else happens. I haven’t been able to catch a break these past few weeks. It has made me physically sick and all of my calming methods only work so much. I started talking to my therapist again and doing trauma work. It is really hard but at least it is a step in the right direction. If someone reads this thanks for listening to my mini rant.,3.62409090909091,5.5202592878787895,4.286969696969699,85.70045454545456,73.54545454545455,6.921212121212123,26.393939393939394,7.686295010490155,1.4976121212121214,534,19,102,7,11,170,90,132,0.10400000000000001,0.847,0.05,-0.4468,0,0,3,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,5,5,0,1,5,0,12,3,2,1,1,13,21,9,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,5,14,2,14,19,5,19,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,9,71,23,3,0.18341854509806615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103753942929873,0.0,0.0,0.20257137259759275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373665485282494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828978775060872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322265867578722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453803502210375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548385502444947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042409860612615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219641368117246,0.0,0.1643069893340341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355506224667644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483373505536553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971123075157108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949806870326756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509375553708384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834681807612658,0.0,0.1175026166900908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132768706636892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355100777775632,0.0,0.1554099380459152,0.2824091140716781,0.0,0.0,0.1298245902704819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742487877882188,0.0,0.16886715326759202,0.0,0.2129630678419832,0.24371026249504274,0.11752719758259325,0.0,0.0,0.1069528286595495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712729324158078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26706177067144216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway1ot,2020/02/13,My girlfriend has ptsd how can i help her. My girlfriend likely has ptsd she rejects the idea and just claims there her panic attacks from the anxiety but multiple therapists have said it sounds a lot like ptsd. I love her lots but im not the best at handling her attacks hell i cant handle my own (personality disorders) . So i just really want to know how to help her while she is having a moment. I often see these happen while on video call so im never really in anyway able to get to her. How do i help? In general and during these episodes,1.2125874125874103,3.687389545454547,3.1572727272727263,87.49744755244757,85.36363636363636,6.293706293706293,20.27972027972028,7.61054688173877,0.9233146853146852,430,13,86,8,13,144,71,110,0.174,0.669,0.158,-0.2656,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,3,1,5,0,8,1,0,3,1,18,15,11,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,3,17,4,9,14,4,8,1,1,1,1,17,4,1,3,6,64,20,0,0.14723216785518878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263220541705445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349956921222973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451107666111405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034050492336495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687408199588696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692273092070669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019691979264206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29605985577729804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662071963474429,0.3180720129009128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809149489993786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386040045997164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503430480766687,0.13288277981692925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355452442515952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274522603534118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855744996169832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5163195759146569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886413936463152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400515074574715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173249755675532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709478947982202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684134725492293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Emilyyy3561,2020/02/13,"Coping with PTSD Hello all, 

I’d like to know if any of you have any potentially helpful strategies with dealing with PTSD. I do see doctors and a therapist. However, I have found it extremely challenging to get myself to say anything substantial to them because of my terrible trust issues. People tell me I should just talk to them....but easier said than done. My hyper vigilance is still very apparent to me. I wouldn’t say this is hallucinating per se but when walking in public, I’ll think for a few seconds or a moment at a time that I see someone (who I don’t want to see) that I know, when in fact more often than not it’s just someone else that has similar physical features. Also, the paranoia is still present. I’ll think someone is behind me or that people are constantly “watching me,” even I know that that is irrational. When walking in public, I’ll think I see someone and then do a double take and no one is there. I’ve still been dealing with nightmares...often waking up in distress but not remembering the details of the dream. I have been having consistent chest/heart pain which I predict is from the PTSD/triggers. Part of me says to myself “tell my therapist blah blah blah,” and the other part of me says “are you kidding me? That’s too risky to trust yet.” So, mixed emotions are present for me. I don’t know if this is directly related to PTSD but I’ll often find myself having to actively think about what day it is opposed to remembering what day it is. So, it seems like my memory recall is slower in a sense. I definitely have mixed emotions with myself. I know I should tell someone things, but it feels impossible with my trust issues. I have been drinking less alcohol recently I suppose but most likely because of how much I exercise these days. I still have been triggered a bunch. It’s hard dealing with my triggers. I’ll find it seems harder to focus these days in homework and anything that requires a bunch of attention and effort. So, I have been consuming more caffeine than usual I’d say. 

If anyone reads this, I appreciate your response. I figure I’d try a forum if I can’t bring myself to talk to my therapist or doctor yet about exact things.",4.3369826531346725,6.083760235154397,5.305644569207517,79.74639314762831,71.35154394299288,8.143410350536241,29.384654142373858,8.754623652393294,2.446475217735551,1733,70,314,32,33,568,189,421,0.069,0.8370000000000001,0.095,0.87,3,0,2,0,0,0,49.0,0,3,1,3,23,10,0,1,14,0,38,7,1,3,3,63,60,27,0,8,16,0,2,6,0,3,5,6,1,1,28,13,2,2,19,4,0,3,7,3,0,2,8,13,47,7,46,49,12,32,0,0,5,0,24,8,0,12,24,230,75,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763865146578716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809660414654464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880630457912276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079719242855215,0.0,0.1195662790050668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885711308102627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785067128290206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874078799025998,0.2246907900010336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487166761856141,0.0,0.07434415857427845,0.0,0.0711674129892402,0.0,0.0,0.060688107911752526,0.16343851344273616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047983339317959915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03673302730450032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327979684144241,0.0,0.0,0.07965481624599127,0.0,0.0,0.03795559776246184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507836625167998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608826652586253,0.04869444382692297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165133963344046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996272896470843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647647506367028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340466177720585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922818595383946,0.0,0.07730262705482792,0.0,0.0,0.15734147615585334,0.0,0.10072999491541748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33968664235287843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266769059250179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173116629226219,0.0,0.16459211447955133,0.0,0.06910491371609999,0.2888631506624701,0.0,0.0,0.2315642997502565,0.13227207791284773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077722045877697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320672456109548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054622278155672936,0.11678347092433013,0.1904927435661129,0.0,0.0,0.2530498900249372,0.09652824743627754,0.1861996994726572,0.0,0.0,0.0423616510981715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932324430942585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001154251392102,0.05994223389524115,0.04284969093148575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,rebeccafitx,2020/02/13,"DAE get sick a lot more after PTSD? (TW domestic violence) Since the last event that triggered my PTSD symptoms (a domestic violence relationship that ended 1.5 yrs ago), I get sick so much more than ever in my life. I used to get sick once every couple of years. Now I am sick what feels like once a month or 2... bronchitis, flu, bad colds, etc. I do have insomnia due to the PTSD and just feel weak and sick. The lack of sleep cannot be good for the immune system.  I make sure to eat healthy enough and exercise but my body does not seem to care that I am taking care of it, besides the insomnia.  Can anyone else relate and is there anything that helped?",3.5114615384615377,4.945129530769236,4.275384615384617,87.56461538461541,72.92307692307692,7.969230769230768,23.76923076923077,8.548686976883017,1.3435230769230777,509,14,107,9,10,163,89,130,0.212,0.7390000000000001,0.049,-0.9640000000000001,0,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,8,0,8,16,2,3,2,18,19,7,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,13,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,9,5,11,18,7,12,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,11,61,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469445680188575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835893753536946,0.1441318704141217,0.11575848590980015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745262224968095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625139179169306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28684255545210896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556474178822531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310026722340935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439393616669061,0.1175107821879668,0.0,0.12459085711562552,0.14534853540273152,0.15688296288942816,0.0,0.12724303719709748,0.1185195814390898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225280435371293,0.10049386159846574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048102016779125,0.0,0.0,0.11798636567053895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942873715989029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466389561709865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935857579896497,0.06872369947416783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959163429588243,0.0,0.0,0.09389755627516952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122805418894424,0.0,0.10340779757129273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996154896543229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4933031084903967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102571164973105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280596468732252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636273451678153,0.0,0.14077044923879894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257873568038847,0.14620880654993956,0.10576547616701706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149272995811945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058613374688017
ptsd,aciidicdaises,2020/02/13,"a very terrible doctors appointment i told her i had ptsd and an internal exam was going to trigger me and that i really wasn’t emotionally prepared to do this today. she spent the next half an hour performing other tests, all the while reminding me we were going to do the invasive one later, so i gave in and just said i’d do it. 
her persistence reminded me of an abuser but i get why she was pushing so hard; she was only trying to help me. but she and the nurses treated me like an infant, one of them even trying to calm me down by talking about the bloody easter bunny! it was humiliating and traumatic, the pain is still there this morning and i feel so detached from my body. i’m glad i did it because now i can sort out my health but i haven’t had such a bad PTSD meltdown in years and it’s really thrown me. i’m not angry at the nurses or the doctor, it’s incredibly hard to know what to do in this kind of scenario where someone’s shaking and crying uncontrollably whilst you’re examining their genitals, but i wish it had gone differently. i wish my ptsd had been acknowledged and i wish i’d been treated like the adult i am. 

sorry if this is rambling and badly formatted i just need to vent and get this off my chest.",4.7515,5.237028980000002,6.174150000000001,78.62682500000003,69.2,9.45,28.825,9.516144504307137,2.44694,975,33,195,20,16,332,142,250,0.171,0.7120000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.9329999999999999,1,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,0,2,2,13,13,0,2,15,0,22,6,2,1,1,33,39,21,0,5,9,0,3,2,0,0,4,1,0,2,14,13,0,0,4,0,1,5,3,6,0,3,18,4,34,7,21,21,1,22,0,0,0,0,16,8,0,3,11,140,48,4,0.0,0.14637474366904446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630154299662926,0.07530886053620603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722513216210758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570293080122656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907304560225194,0.0,0.2528969275612505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389659147682202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159702999612127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624655551993185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908914190493187,0.0,0.14042130120668053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213352167071589,0.0,0.0,0.1313172834512194,0.0,0.0,0.082806283390591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166205223058375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864793877258385,0.06789437405945876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207108446827033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160337284162907,0.0,0.0,0.13138623199403945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742785404377142,0.09395776586197947,0.13145531070220542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332350802277592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582858235926082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751486656664235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467507333455152,0.0,0.0,0.13829295822160476,0.0,0.0,0.0986592339674173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929680296861912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710151091095455,0.1180478005458232,0.0,0.16775115290551865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019334695481228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147566891361063,0.0,0.4261948406013921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955573408294496
ptsd,ohhoneyno_,2020/02/13,I haven’t gotten to tackle my PTSD in therapy and don’t really have symptoms anymore. Does it just.. go away? I read all the posts on here and feel like I’m a fake because I don’t have the nightmares and flashbacks even though I did have a very tense moment when a guy put his hand on my throat in bed (I was strangled). Is this normal? Am I just suppressing things? What is going on with me?,2.9222357723577232,3.904450573170735,3.986341463414637,90.82430894308945,73.75609756097559,6.930081300813008,23.422764227642283,7.1686216300943375,0.6716520325203255,305,8,68,3,6,99,59,82,0.086,0.841,0.073,-0.2624,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,11,3,2,0,1,10,16,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,3,2,10,1,8,13,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415428868985875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288296186488075,0.0,0.0,0.14846995665404172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131381854764576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086696067852888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314962949618273,0.17399701719368885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768378694753561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411595109292797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898954352852975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863393911498926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23326007649218844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28470485024136755,0.2448418416245333,0.0,0.0,0.2436226967798393,0.0,0.15602871428684995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531487577697676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785284119523884,0.0,0.16180830685628042,0.0,0.2392933064790405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009598564850137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,yachol,2020/02/13,"Saw ""his"" face at work and shut down completely It's been two days since this happened but just thinking about the moment is almost enough to bring back the panic I felt then.
I'm 21 & at my job the other day there was a group of guests that came in and as I was looking at them out of the open kitchen I thought one of them was my father. I've had my uncle previously come in and heckle me at work for my dad but he has never come in himself.
 I couldn't stop staring at the guest trying to discern if it was him or not, it felt like my blood ran cold I literally felt paralyzed inside my body with my mind going through every possible escape route I could think of. At the same time, I had to keep working as to not get in trouble with my manager but I had to keep an eye on the guest for my own sanity. Eventually I determined it wasn't my father but the panic remained until hours later.",5.576203208556152,4.658569000000004,6.4687754010695215,81.99139839572194,67.55614973262033,9.405133689839571,29.3951871657754,8.548686976883017,1.91212128342246,701,20,152,9,10,234,117,187,0.062,0.883,0.055,-0.4932,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,3,4,4,0,2,10,0,13,5,4,0,1,35,32,13,0,3,9,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,7,10,1,3,7,0,0,6,5,3,0,2,16,8,25,1,31,14,3,32,0,0,4,0,13,15,0,3,12,107,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420084189617288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603004537332565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073144438881097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995779675458094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470408291772246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24809620686934586,0.1509871684908757,0.0,0.0,0.11497678171393436,0.0,0.0,0.18574344259085615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879631610271635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133095841185215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41480397813956105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523700068169502,0.0,0.08184172098991922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273437074574368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181654276313896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290337231791678,0.2559976501203305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035387926250948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092846466625097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540463997268924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106602338900412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758194518097343,0.0,0.0,0.3379191698843321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234471623462532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912294939719152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039515901763832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845459924492449,0.0,0.11432438861601325,0.0839708438396132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777037339672208,0.0,0.14067258057203294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145134521682419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DaniannaPhoenix,2020/02/13,Does anyone have any advice with loving in constant fear of losing you job? No ones told me I’m in danger of that. I just believe that I am.,0.6829999999999998,2.6039266333333337,2.8633333333333333,92.345,82.66666666666666,4.0,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-0.8453333333333335,109,2,23,0,3,37,25,30,0.306,0.59,0.105,-0.7579,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,5,4,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,16,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29736791239597354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069410280955123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278041457591945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428528185907925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288506727265947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663034651506326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424330104553565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30198041692734034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404447097461511,0.0,0.0,0.2746513811414685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620812519927245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907809548593738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jaymehippy,2020/02/13,"I'm so afraid of working on my body... TW: rape, eating disorder This new year, I've lost 20 pounds so far.  And as proud as I am about it, I'm also so afraid.
Everyone is beautiful and deserves  nothing but appreciation for their bodies.  But I have never felt that way about myself.
I struggled with anorexia from 12 to 16. During that time I was raped the first time.  By 18 I was about to go to military boot camp, I was in shape and healthy looking.  I was raped 2 weeks before I left.
By 20, I was active duty, felt great about myself and how I looked finally. I had the right curves and shape and could run.  I was happy.  I was raped while serving however. And it destroyed me.
His hands.. the way I felt so small and defenceless.. the """"my name"" you have a real nice ass for a white girl"" still plays in my head.
So afterwards. I started eating. And eating and eating. I got out of the service 6 months before my contract ended.  I just kept gaining weight, because in MY MIND I think when I AM fat, it's disgusting. (Emphasis on me and myself only)

I made it too 217, and I'm trying to become healthy again and I'm down to 197.  But I have this fear of being small again, or of having a nice ass again. 
It feels stupid and I hate it, and I'm not sure how to get over it.  My counselor and I are starting to process it but the topic is so hard.
 Does anyone have any advice?
I want to love myself again and be healthy, but I'm terrified of ...""attention""
Thank you",0.5626106629942953,2.8006209063545175,2.4022476883730057,93.50295052134571,85.75585284280936,5.256777493606139,19.49645878418257,6.661559191721324,0.1562794806216803,1117,32,244,13,34,369,160,299,0.21100000000000002,0.639,0.149,-0.9801,1,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,2,1,5,21,22,8,4,9,0,21,17,7,3,2,45,46,36,0,2,8,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,19,6,2,6,1,0,2,2,13,0,1,15,10,40,9,33,28,0,39,0,1,3,7,7,15,2,1,20,159,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026013611973967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023335585415622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673102905664751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889619725854857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878259480234003,0.12461635274332708,0.1920269464046727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506664048559329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900888143588159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931760657917135,0.0,0.09874184500971962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618296437884201,0.0,0.0,0.09993748494966503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078177783389401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696968560085667,0.05705229028544779,0.0,0.3250151728449742,0.1236041958529506,0.0,0.0959765925587119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895113853674582,0.0,0.06412619573411911,0.0,0.09024370420739143,0.12439994788720797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201139534639986,0.10107715359029654,0.11140027270779827,0.1158002966958276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259453475923746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895043823912181,0.0,0.123171703821902,0.0,0.10183714317437187,0.10676631441050388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393023375799115,0.0,0.0900630690324475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702458195045537,0.10897583685814603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082673223271654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581538602234777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842986114554164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635966948425533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972905478645635,0.0,0.09010942490927244,0.0,0.0,0.11795865689389765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634476484424757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388244137615027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229950867727486,0.0,0.0,0.131588893852353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660691913123831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655245116062998,0.17912484736287185,0.09050867572085368,0.13740148563780444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214453846931538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266143429429707
ptsd,beatrey,2020/02/13,"I’m either numb or incredibly oversensitive with no in-between I’m not sure how to elaborate because the title is pretty self-explanatory, I’ll give it a shot.
I often get involuntarily detached from myself and my surroundings, to the point that where I am or who I’m with become irrelevant. I dissociate and things don’t affect me or matter much at all. 

The other side of the coin is that, when I’m not like that, everything affects me too deeply. I take everything to heart and the slightest thing makes my world crumble and ruins my day, sometimes even more than just that one day. I’ll remember random bad things out of nowhere and start crying. I feel very intense pain almost constantly. And my positive emotions, if any, are very subdued",5.052064935064934,6.989844700000003,5.977922077922081,74.87253246753252,69.85714285714286,8.805194805194805,29.87012987012988,9.339509955726095,2.844071428571428,598,24,104,13,11,197,98,140,0.141,0.775,0.083,-0.8109,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,5,3,1,4,2,29,15,12,0,1,8,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,12,2,11,15,4,12,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,7,6,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761328157232396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961421146326515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686446189100755,0.1072235826995782,0.1942615256445568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007933936232785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19321171930818196,0.22687465007458935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785750505956956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161765804386694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31616505768648784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893748459477915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189755484354037,0.16873391892350514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084356896170416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593311029682349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741086585464325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930260946714112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919058545338368,0.0,0.18716402396767387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627704511743038,0.0,0.0,0.17894782170752285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992540462919294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834962016081019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739640414462741,0.0,0.1244989489320516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577837344915705,0.0,0.13225068496891176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505692349350628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902625726674873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,UsernameNotAcceptabl,2020/02/13,"Nightmares set in a world after ours dies a bit.. For many years I’ve had dreams of surviving in a world that is damaged.  People act different, the locations are more dangerous, dirtier.  Mobility is key and the dreams often involve various vehicles and driving like your life depends on it.  They usually evolve into combat situations, defensive or offensive, and often in run down urban settings.  Recurring settings are a beach, a camping area, a Vegas/hotel/cruise ship setting, a warehouse/industrial setting. Really it sounds like I watch too many movies or dream of past places, and maybe that’s true.  But I have these dreams almost nightly, wake up emotionally affected most mornings.  I’m always in a state of fight or flight.

Is this a result of my PTSD inciting incident, my media intake, my hobbies (firearms, history).  Sometimes I feel like they are trying to tell me something.  

Does anyone else have recurring dreams of survival/action/horror/adventure?",6.459655765920829,9.119574036144584,6.734285714285718,67.90000000000002,67.67469879518072,10.04406196213425,35.35111876075732,10.290406445055957,4.571972117039588,774,39,109,22,14,249,120,166,0.10800000000000001,0.738,0.154,0.703,1,0,1,1,1,0,33.0,1,1,2,1,3,9,4,0,11,0,9,2,1,3,1,19,11,8,1,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,1,6,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,3,11,4,16,10,4,28,0,1,1,0,7,12,0,8,10,67,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869647743809568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553590726832856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055314603851192,0.19130817797022498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384079372304867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377724307650984,0.19507396323510984,0.0,0.0,0.1633926470425577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597364807411312,0.2100255062700421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440703410658484,0.1333868595776635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131879979404986,0.2736536830889874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378592670473398,0.1875769756139285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521626096038462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782374228599098,0.12944236785475713,0.0,0.19507396323510984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182559591694107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961228151110125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20987174821006707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373977110116115,0.184662623065706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319423562003071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676497281771548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205636534130874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023619860541833
ptsd,stipd,2020/02/13,"Losing all emotions for people-- Disassociating or sociopathy?? Hello all,

I have a pseudo-diagnosis of PTSD (I say pseudo because it was diagnosed once, by one doctor, and I fit some of the categories but have never really accepted the diagnosis myself) due to a difficult childhood and have many repressed memories/repressed everything.

I have always been prone to disassociating, emotionally, from situations that are unpleasant. In reviewing my childhood I can really say I was numb for the vast majority of it.

As an adult I regained some emotional variability which was been, honestly, unpleasant but feels like it's right.

My question is: I have a bad tendency of becoming 'disappointed' in people or hurt by people and completely, utterly, shutting them out. To the point where long term friendships are broken in an instant and I feel nothing. I feel...dead. I feel a complete absence of emotions. Not anger, not hurt, just nothing. 

It has happened numerous times. It almost feels as though I can't even speak to the person/can't find words when they are around. In one episode I lost a friend because of a hurtful thing they did. After the hurtful thing happened I immediately became numb to them. They tried to talk to me as though nothing had happened (after apologizing) and I just...couldn't. I couldn't talk to them. We remained friendly for a time after that but the relationship was cold and it felt like I could never treat them as anything other than an acquaintance following that episode. Our relationship has never recovered despite the fact that we are in the same friend group and this happened 6 years ago. I, honestly, am not mad, or sad, or hurt anymore that I can feel...I just feel dead.

Why am I like this? Is this a weird subset of disassociating? How do I stop it?",6.003093749999998,8.144899371874999,6.622625000000002,70.37987500000003,67.78125,9.745,34.05,10.078955797065145,3.8980975,1429,68,231,37,25,467,165,320,0.203,0.667,0.13,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,3,0,7,2,9,27,2,1,20,0,29,4,0,1,6,48,41,22,1,2,12,0,6,3,3,0,4,3,0,1,19,11,0,2,9,0,0,1,8,17,0,2,10,10,35,10,36,29,7,31,0,9,0,0,25,13,0,8,20,174,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175383688208296,0.0,0.08105583017042381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673536426984481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027678395924877,0.0,0.0,0.06661174625336744,0.0720591938238566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758661543124075,0.09868798694750748,0.08939861187499902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974089923721028,0.0,0.0,0.0646288771244261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215859130812304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285176707138762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642138862584751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053464138043498505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274913853056879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865014751651162,0.057827912625205674,0.0777209535533435,0.0,0.07398327227871214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761627666598327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863214885353891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332723906511485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863853250118543,0.0,0.0,0.07163475450968591,0.0,0.09055798477894576,0.08836223418155037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206664411321482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729187592411067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330099087574997,0.0,0.0,0.08620495859795342,0.1097023494770388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683535086290787,0.07067901547511778,0.0,0.0,0.07652023204725293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946216634587644,0.0,0.09067816148012876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371229349017153,0.0,0.0,0.17381164418451386,0.0,0.06912753023970535,0.0,0.1287431811309362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909868120174504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767456718249479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301228238685815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755398893420624,0.0,0.15905827171120535,0.0,0.09440064798555807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054957090940215614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304126818797106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052126636831813775
ptsd,EphemerallyEverAfter,2020/02/13,"Feeling completely off center and can't focus... does anyone have any suggestions? TW: S/I I've never posted here before so please bear with me. I can also talk more about what's going on in my life is need be, but I'm going to be a little brief just for, well, the sake of brevity, and also embarrassment... it's something I wish didn't impact me and others have said hurtful things (not on reddit) like ""well *I* wouldn't have been traumatized by that."" In short, a lot of things happened in December. One of them was my best friend, who I had romantic feelings for, completely ghosting me when I asked her not to do something that objectively is hurtful and inappropriate. I don't know if she knows how I feel or not but I don't think she does. It's been over two months. That (along with other things that happened) were incredibly retraumatizing, and I took it pretty hard because she knew that ghosting was a severe trigger for me, and she had witnessed the original events that lead to my PTSD diagnosis.

I see a therapist and I see a psychiatrist and am compliant with medication.

Every day, still, I'm haunted by thoughts about her. I also feel extremely hypervigilent and super alert. I'm prone to panic attacks that come out of nowhere from the slightest stimulus related to her, love, or sexuality. Flashbacks have not a daily occurrence other than a feeling that history is repeating itself, but thre have not been as many days where I feel like I am physically in that situation again, though I Was having them when this first happened. I'm also very alone with hardly any social support where I live (and no support groups around). I've tried since before this happened to start making new friends and had no luck, and there hasn't been any clear reason why it hasn't worked (like it doesn't seem to be me or that I'm doing anything wrong).

I feel really alone and like I cant' accept/handle losing this friend. I'm *acting* fine, but every day I feel slightly dissociated. It's like if you were to imagine a lego set and all the Lego mini figs are plugged into the ground with the little bumps, and that is what is normal. But my Lego mini fig isn't. He's not fixed into the landscape so he's detached from everything as he goes about his day. It just feel like I'm somehow disconnected from everything going on.

I also can't focus. Sometimes it's from hypervigilence/super alert, and sometimes it's from rumination about this friend and feeling horrified by what's happening or frustrated and angry. Or it's a panic attack. Or its lethargy and not being able to get any joy out of what I am doing, and instead it feels dreadful. I find I'm spending too much time trying to self care to the point it's interfering with my school work and work work (I'm a ph.d student). So, I know I need to knick this in the bud somehow. Especially because it has produced suicidal ideation and thoughts of self harm (which are being monitored by doctor and psychologist).

​

Does anyone have any tips or strategies to kind of help get myself back on the right path/track and be able to be fully centered and connected to the world, and not feel so on edge and afraid/horrified/trapped or haunted by what has happened?

​

I know there is a lot to unpack here, and I'm not hoping to unpack what happened with my friend for its own sake. I'm avoiding speculating what she could be thinking and it doesn't make sense from the pure factual standpoint, but she won't talk to me. So I am really just kind of focussed on ""the problem"" with how it is impacting my life. I know that I'm not psychologically capable of letting go or making peace with what happened at this time. I cant' let go of the hope of her responding soon, or just try and move on (which I have tried). So I Feel like that might be a red herring but maybe there is something else I can do to help me be able to fully invest myself elsewhere and feel grounded so that part of my life isn't so consuming.",4.385546456485464,5.998159457253884,5.226004215333276,80.9000970404848,71.00777202072537,7.9281988232194625,27.981118819706683,8.492258126024794,2.019453429349258,3159,115,597,52,59,1028,322,772,0.11699999999999999,0.726,0.156,0.9849,0,4,3,0,0,0,104.0,0,1,2,10,44,41,3,5,26,0,71,6,0,10,5,138,142,70,3,11,33,0,16,7,6,3,5,1,0,2,55,47,0,1,28,0,2,11,28,14,2,3,18,20,62,27,84,108,8,65,0,3,3,1,37,32,0,21,27,411,117,9,0.15202083495997684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049651586223485,0.0,0.20261834465646428,0.0,0.10980967411033396,0.12314796932396348,0.17229896798223612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086433497632423,0.0,0.04170006471915362,0.04511025780100982,0.047372986461108414,0.11529709747151615,0.0,0.038964879466030784,0.0,0.061780326656817035,0.0,0.08623902245825255,0.0,0.05317882911676888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166512429974561,0.0,0.0,0.043650829491122964,0.10626063542541006,0.0,0.0,0.04045875555587244,0.0,0.0,0.1307211495723909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051866588751956745,0.13303445712380438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233130024052712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538940670575282,0.0,0.0910843494013349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587094087302767,0.10860371487060654,0.0,0.0,0.046314763021260655,0.043102948185692255,0.0,0.0,0.19575153331015369,0.0,0.05294974122534162,0.0,0.14399490638211876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584840594629071,0.0,0.09078720545938666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793090747466783,0.0,0.0,0.10066066036521,0.0,0.0,0.10849429866289943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553753734297086,0.13924445867617705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363440231550933,0.10737681152243717,0.17329596921575574,0.10157654262414556,0.04474572747348895,0.0,0.0,0.05669080963220152,0.0,0.08616178504431264,0.0457349129470156,0.0,0.10147508779691408,0.0513750886786248,0.05090845390209926,0.0,0.0,0.05104833260639685,0.0,0.05375669407973087,0.0,0.0,0.04044719336722938,0.05385802971375868,0.03725093514567969,0.07514768191587824,0.03908261323611164,0.048940889902042616,0.0,0.0,0.04964938039377303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03433775069967082,0.0,0.0,0.118909130071229,0.0,0.05487458331314477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055624408595367096,0.04790294217116083,0.0,0.04853131248384866,0.051553280543665814,0.0,0.048487802731494174,0.05923474029724868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492562639420932,0.05210091245772173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043274987476029966,0.0482022088226193,0.0,0.0,0.05128440032817635,0.08076061550616613,0.04613135288143358,0.1057272569169458,0.057246757498153625,0.0,0.04191773520628503,0.05695926263943785,0.0,0.05165536560217472,0.0,0.11703306581820798,0.10023499529206786,0.0,0.03586704314387169,0.0,0.040468011724118486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055428706488756224,0.11500762798945513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145905912929835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883596879778801,0.1009958877740606,0.06493920847338341,0.0497865661654132,0.08045837471078351,0.05909638092288876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056300247070821464,0.1376162240375164,0.0,0.04950075542154343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041811036583923065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112332506489837,0.0,0.04572505274103174,0.0,0.05827215258233182,0.0,0.0,0.1475639712136921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540363946608552,0.12314796932396348,0.0
ptsd,LetsEndSuffering,2020/02/13,"curcumin completely suppresses my PTSD. A year and half ago, i was completely plagued with PTSD. It was so bad, I was dysfunctional. I thought i would never go back to ""normal"". Then I tried a curcumin supplement, and it went away.... well if i keep taking it. Try it before you knock it.  i was skeptical too. 

What i do:

1. one algal oil soft gel supplement (testa brand is the cheapest, but any algal oil will do). Algal oil is a vegan source of DHA, which is essential for brain health. 
2. a curcumin supplement where the back label claims to have at least 95% curcuminoids. watch out, lots of brands would say ""proprietary blend"" to cheap out, so they have like 1200 mg of turmeric, but only a small fraction of claims to be 95% curcuminoids. Amazon elements makes a great one. two other good ones are  [https://www.amazon.com/Turmeric-Curcumin-BioPerine-Pepper-Extract/dp/B00VSVKJ8I/ref=sr\_1\_25?keywords=curcumin+bioperine&qid=1581559559&sr=8-25](https://www.amazon.com/Turmeric-Curcumin-BioPerine-Pepper-Extract/dp/B00VSVKJ8I/ref=sr_1_25?keywords=curcumin+bioperine&qid=1581559559&sr=8-25)  and  [https://www.amazon.com/Doctors-Best-Curcumin-Turmeric-BioPerine/dp/B000BD0RQS/ref=sr\_1\_8?keywords=curcumin+bioperine&qid=1581559559&sr=8-8](https://www.amazon.com/Doctors-Best-Curcumin-Turmeric-BioPerine/dp/B000BD0RQS/ref=sr_1_8?keywords=curcumin+bioperine&qid=1581559559&sr=8-8) . because they contain pipperine (standardized to 95%) for absortion.

I don't make a penny from this. I just want to share something that really helped me when I thought it was hopeless. Give it a try! If it doesn't help after 3 weeks or so, you could return it to amazon for free. I take a high dose when starting because your body is very inflammed when starting. I would take up to 8grams a day, but any amount should help .

 

# Systemic Administration of Curcumin Affect Anxiety-Related Behaviors in a Rat Model of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder via Activation of Serotonergic Systems:

 [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6029466/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6029466/)",15.82090909090909,21.309086121212125,9.357187878787881,46.78478181818184,49.53030303030303,9.527030303030305,29.87818181818181,9.888512548439397,3.5338138181818177,1792,51,196,35,25,466,166,264,0.081,0.81,0.109,0.8089,0,0,1,0,0,1,185.0,0,3,2,0,12,10,1,1,13,0,23,5,2,3,1,31,37,16,0,9,7,0,1,1,0,5,3,1,0,0,14,6,0,3,2,0,2,2,3,4,1,5,8,6,20,7,27,22,3,28,0,1,1,0,11,9,0,4,16,127,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280309102025323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7119006240889022,0.0,0.11170212809591104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716362812367655,0.12630545639150434,0.06857493241898162,0.1001310983293076,0.0,0.06988639025460558,0.0,0.17238026587031874,0.0,0.0,0.0912276663326372,0.0,0.09168399199314624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722230151585382,0.0,0.0,0.06557394319635672,0.0,0.0,0.05296691111016039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412783871632303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878636491077337,0.04667624439721673,0.06888655951008743,0.0,0.0905483680126516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730011135455985,0.0,0.0,0.16514957294729296,0.08677461760946316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300071856749894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0401244600312554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982379858903476,0.0,0.0,0.1096445264915278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633435464116242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046974270327073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669597853123329,0.062463395577501975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920106262358305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261443757559926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531289434400213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322751408291688,0.0,0.0,0.11626375638220253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407938095065788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525411118526927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040373635986227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728218034544928,0.0,0.08022885725455531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776566654771994,0.048442269809474886,0.0,0.06587955233663194,0.0,0.0738445320372873,0.07613512519946004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750279094122219,0.0,0.0,0.052888883030502216
ptsd,Justprocess1,2020/02/13,"PTSD or just panic attacks? Long story short I have had panic attacks since I was 18. I am 34 now. Needless to say as life moves on you have more responsibility and more things to attend to. More doctor visits. More concerns about getting older.

That said I have always somehow managed to but on a brave face and be functional. And to this day I am still functional, and working. But barely.

In December I had what felt like a panic attack with palpitations and spasms/tremors/twitching all over my body. It was full blown. I haven't had one like that since maybe 2011. It was horrifying and scary. I was convinced, since I had seen a man die from an Afib attack a month earlier, that I too was having a Afib attack.

Since that day, I have had palpations and spasming all over my body. It happens sometimes infrequently in the day. But most days its all day. When I wake up until I go to sleep. I feel dissociated and disconnected. Sometimes dizzy to the point of falling down. I have been to my cardiologist. He can't find anything wrong so far. But there are no answers. I can barely stand it anymore. The fun and joy has been zapped out of my life.

I am convinced day to day that there is something wrong with me. Neurologically, mentally, with my heart. I have tried Ativan, Hydroxizine, my old standby weed, alcohol, sleep, exercise, meditation, anxiety apps, breathing exercising, the DARE book, letting the sensations happen. Nothing is helping. Life is a living hell right now.

My last hope right now is that its just my seasonal affective disorder, and that once spring rolls around my brain will snap out of it. But at the moment I feel like that panic attack in December has broken me. That maybe seeing the man caused me PTSD or something and I buried it. And now its taking root. I don't know what to do. I go to a therapist. She's wonderful, and listens, and is a great support system for me. But it's not making the spasms/twitching go away.

I don’t necessarily play this mans death over in my head. I don’t think about him. But maybe PTSD doesn’t work that way. I remember when I’m as 19 I also witnessed a man die, getting hit by a car, and I remember similar feelings for years after....",2.4783434885882483,5.100306802850358,3.7313668284622534,84.61157673241766,80.73396674584322,6.60623773623877,24.354074150573172,7.818819491935897,1.4963361148404424,1728,64,329,31,46,562,217,421,0.177,0.6990000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.9768,0,0,3,0,0,0,69.0,0,1,0,2,18,25,7,4,19,0,41,18,10,4,3,54,65,31,3,1,12,0,4,3,0,1,8,3,0,4,25,21,1,0,11,4,0,8,8,13,0,1,15,9,44,12,43,46,9,58,1,0,2,0,13,22,1,6,28,223,69,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735425689292541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503152662157757,0.05725979657400209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052643474124244055,0.0,0.06824623190317232,0.0,0.0,0.05662908325513252,0.0612601577930051,0.0,0.4697236545623858,0.0646541880042104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287644797629488,0.0,0.07682057206797606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069221272030933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106609808964502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283871971676154,0.0,0.07886823272541038,0.0704353192824947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104385166725049,0.049161624829160686,0.06607342694034354,0.0,0.06289588730225683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190625061093317,0.0,0.11732786886658132,0.0,0.0,0.07586905063070888,0.0,0.0,0.12170618790214002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062429464225102,0.0,0.0,0.08154639674245474,0.046125408208452144,0.0,0.0,0.06834906557974514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03781905901727404,0.05609360938184815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036825046131476,0.14581872810815588,0.10085895824922526,0.0,0.060765122152047976,0.0608993263989819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593471044449707,0.0,0.20740248921636936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934958151389989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054927672080499514,0.07313971498986549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603008360372188,0.0,0.07221002373254698,0.07328599011472349,0.04663099101312645,0.0,0.0,0.32295945207519483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505264964566042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413240168196889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590851587186774,0.11753568658224653,0.06545905659574705,0.054724644922710064,0.0,0.0,0.05483684078233312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276987273617348,0.0,0.1377298852374064,0.0,0.0,0.1059546753297736,0.1361200739543489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495594360653785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809072460981964,0.0,0.0,0.05174050013100316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989980346279763,0.045717791053022136,0.04409403040413647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672103425236399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054622338451916594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462719781843997,0.10019663599562582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047733537551128,0.0,0.04431476162974202
ptsd,ElvhenGambit,2020/02/14,"Sitting in class (possible tw) So I was sitting in class yesterday and to demonstrate a concept we were talking about, my professor briefly locked the door and stood in front of it. The windows in the room don't open either so I immediately started having flashbacks when he did this. It was only for a few seconds and then he unlocked/opened the door again. 

I tried not to show what was going on in my head and didn't leave the room despite everything in my head telling me to leave. I'm pretty sure people could tell I was visibly uncomfortable/distressed because some started looking at me and my professor made some weird face I can't describe. I felt so embarrassed and terrified.

Should I do anything? If so, what should I do?",4.744728580771749,6.646193165467629,5.043217789404839,81.41196860693267,70.58273381294964,7.932243296272074,33.49967298888163,8.575989854853784,2.8421884892086333,586,29,106,10,11,185,86,139,0.07200000000000001,0.87,0.057999999999999996,-0.5816,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,7,0,15,3,3,1,1,19,23,13,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,5,8,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,2,0,1,10,2,15,1,14,10,4,21,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,3,6,76,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639930439894812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326363820380665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161446003182148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817308016676923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415063162145407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491901713030506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150458678340628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.428216477277978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698031289473267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133335096864493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378769477040452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018501893267718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22795824672698925,0.0,0.20571742705256724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862466075380445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057790210299347,0.0,0.0,0.16252649567090588,0.3534760278144436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137285422145487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bvbytulip,2020/02/14,"I know this sounds crazy. But I believe acne gave me ptsd I do not have body dysmorphia. I do not have ocd. I’ve gone to a therapist and she diagnosed me with PTSD. But she hasn’t found the cause. I suffered from severe skin issues growing up and it completely destroyed my self esteem. Not to mention my dad was emotionally abusive and called me ugly because of my skin. I basically was locked in my house with no friends my entire life because I was too emberassed of my skin. Well recently my skin cleared up. And I have been doing so much better. But whenever I get 1 pimple my mind freaks out and I go back to the same place I was before when my skin was horrible. I get severe anxiety, I can’t function, I cry, I become depressed, I can’t look in the mirror, and I lock myself away from the world. Sometime I won’t even eat. When I see a pimple on my face it reminds me of all of the horrible things I went through. It is something I have been dealing with for a while now and I cant explain it. Most of the time I am fine (still have some emotional issues) but when I get a pimple it sets me off. I honestly believe I have been traumatized by acne because it destroyed my entire child and young adult hood. I am afraid of my skin becoming so bad again. And I honestly believe my body and mind are afraid of acne.",2.226248451053287,4.095224479553906,3.827346654275093,87.5856792131351,77.43866171003718,6.862515489467162,25.70647459727385,7.793537801064563,1.4411151177199502,1031,39,213,16,24,343,138,269,0.158,0.7709999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9676,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,12,14,2,2,10,0,26,12,9,1,2,32,38,20,0,0,7,1,6,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,8,14,1,0,3,0,0,4,9,8,1,0,12,9,49,6,26,25,5,26,0,2,2,0,12,10,0,2,11,155,57,0,0.0,0.1318182808375654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510931748255045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045271784388691,0.08554777230586584,0.0928927834484872,0.2034589631835108,0.2457435052935359,0.09466930679935404,0.3760368586939609,0.0,0.0983954827428392,0.0,0.2471571332034676,0.0,0.0,0.11360318939535005,0.0,0.0,0.11428892329098718,0.0,0.0,0.11664812991882202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220774291008915,0.0,0.1146984093206166,0.09582325845177547,0.11292088207290972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138410339159006,0.0,0.25029246877704897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348248711443961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198471577004799,0.08595487952036518,0.0,0.17437750872355526,0.0,0.0632284438355369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837264934713094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322413939692346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061142512995929835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858227844264609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342568244880337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246704737079532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178479086022443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623717690141183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601008982955452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098503059123686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865535889346432,0.0,0.11606261106414775,0.25137162710694955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564907855548702,0.11003345412374307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884791381592984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917494243748825,0.07391248503374566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487333989701409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003107376735602,0.10313395067990258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mylonelyworld2875,2020/02/14,"I pray I won’t get PTSD On AADA, it states, “PTSD is diagnosed after a person experiences symptoms for at least one month following a traumatic event”. It’s been more than a month since what happened to me and things still aren’t back to ‘normal’. My daily symptoms include depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, intrusive thoughts, bad anger issues, etc. I also have a difficult time concentrating on performing tasks. I have heard of people experiencing PTSD symptoms for up to 6 months after an event and they recover fully and do not develop the disorder. Do you think this could be the case for me? I don’t want one single event to turn my world upside down. Chances are, the symptoms are just temporarily.",6.618532986111107,8.256615523437503,6.826979166666668,71.44788194444446,65.640625,10.68888888888889,33.75347222222222,10.746095033038511,4.0535024305555565,569,25,94,16,9,183,90,128,0.174,0.769,0.057,-0.9561,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,1,4,4,1,0,8,0,13,5,0,0,0,11,22,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,4,2,11,0,16,15,4,19,1,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,11,67,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527796784616474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100709508102025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012283299054087,0.10991965162031908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510932693998508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133872707343714,0.133618819001117,0.0,0.0,0.15087873767423332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682107811361558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287759163901448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878006485093466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641490726532815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374051469298031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31523786728214176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898599782610745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841467514694914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126737544848723,0.11494898373474395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616644974789583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889966519846728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051333738885632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400032705260798,0.0,0.0,0.5473260884930353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746034195225398,0.08435400942110761,0.0,0.20902584610781685,0.0767643583947582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319400953070507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764874471361607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dazeddumbass,2020/02/14,"(TW) A bad sexual experience when I was 18 still affects me, I’m not sure if I was traumatized Okay, I’m going to preface this by saying that I did have a moderately traumatic childhood, I want to contextualize things in hopes to give better insight. 
I grew up in a turbulent and dysfunctional environment, I was also tormented by my peers growing up and endured profound alienation and loneliness. My parents were physically and emotionally abusive. I was scapegoated from an early age due to behavioral/developmental issues and received the brunt of their abuse(which was inflamed by their crippling alcoholism). I’ve also suffered with a panic disorder since I was 16, I was prescribed Xanax did 5 years to cope with it. The attacks cane out of nowhere but were so awful and debilitating. they’d happen numerous times a day, My heart would pulsate through my chest, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and due to hyperventilating for hours I would have pins and needles all over my body, my hands would lock up to where I couldn’t pry my fingers apart (tetany( and my knees would buckle before falling to the floor. 

When I was 18 (I’m currently 20f), I was becoming untethered and all of the repressed memories I hid from were piling up and crowding my mind. Unbeknownst to me (at the time), I was on the cusp of a mental breakdown, my mind was filled to the brim and ready to combust. I met this guy, well..the first time I technically crossed paths with him was a year  prior, I was 17.

On my 18th birthday he messaged me on Facebook and sparked conversation, we talked for a while and it all was platonic and innocuous enough that no alarm bells went off in my head. He  was in his late 20s, a teacher, musician and overall an interesting and intelligent person ..my naive and insecure younger self  was so flattered and bewildered that someone like that took an interest in me. We met up and drove around, hung out at his place and divulged in deep conversations for hours on end. 

After a couple of times he became very flirtatious and made a pass at me. 
I was pretty sexually inexperienced and he knew that, in hindsight I feel as though  he fetishized my innocence (he casually) brought it up countless times. When we first started hooking  up , it was pretty vanilla and ..normal I guess.


Overtime he began to become really aggressive and rough , he was kind of coercive and disregarded some of my boundaries. He would choke me so hard to where I would run out of air and the next day my neck would be riddled with bruises (I was okay with choking but not that extreme). I have a visceral memory of how dark and sinister his eyes looked while he would do this. 

On one occasion he did something  I did NOT consent too and it really upset me, I consented you’re sex but not what he did in the midst of it(I don’t feel comfortable being less vague ) it wasn’t I’ve isolated thing, but during that instance I remember spacing out until it was over with..was paralyzed and couldn’t think. He took me home and gave the impression he was oblivious and things were fine ,  I didn’t tell him what I was feeling. I felt stupid because I am partially responsible for putting myself in a compromising position and allowing myself to be taken  advantage of, I also had such little value in myself that I didn’t want him to stop seeing me. After a while he ghosted me, and I was devastated. I was angry and felt used and beat myself up over it for a while. 

He also dated a string of girls around my age, I didn’t find that off until it was over though. 

I didn’t tell anyone about this, I didn’t want my parents to find out or to be judged but I feel like this was a tipping point into my descent of substance abuse and depression. 
There were so many other things that contributed 
To my depression manifesting and festering over time and this wasn’t the worst thing that happened to me per-say but it was the straw that broke the camels back. 

I haven’t had sex in 2 years  I don’t date and I wish that I could go back In time and stop everything from happening. I wish I could scrub it from my mind entirely but I can’t and I still have dreams about the whole ordeal. 


Any advice on how to open up about this to a therapist, I’ve always felt too embarrassed to. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to have or want s relationship and It sucks.",4.826146158404106,6.309202202409638,5.5825814734347246,79.2730189610903,69.74698795180723,9.10527355322931,30.11258147343473,9.505665343017393,2.7518115741655147,3428,137,650,76,61,1116,375,830,0.15,0.7509999999999999,0.099,-0.9932,3,0,2,0,2,0,85.0,3,0,3,5,30,34,4,7,35,3,77,15,10,6,5,129,121,75,1,22,14,2,12,3,0,8,3,1,1,4,40,60,1,4,14,2,0,16,20,17,0,3,63,16,97,17,107,39,8,121,0,4,3,2,49,56,1,6,52,454,137,0,0.06403413252992539,0.151739952218245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257341320504345,0.0,0.06843301365126556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483229059714586,0.05328152793230303,0.0,0.0,0.04354540594431778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447741543326641,0.0,0.0,0.11400790795220099,0.0,0.0728480700203087,0.0,0.09847659064879924,0.053465825954985065,0.03903461284691237,0.14144133694603067,0.054488330446252516,0.0,0.0,0.05663298654413451,0.0,0.07112748577890128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225208864071822,0.07085254969569638,0.0,0.0825934361403795,0.0,0.1103050090357824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733886635363682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720297803375552,0.05671523508403016,0.06616437630600061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754974937319604,0.06263766880094851,0.0,0.0,0.12951032567014173,0.04574599707400336,0.2459312364866712,0.0,0.11705207411245801,0.10893480083620556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061427374776083024,0.07278414636783967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705408162536481,0.06340385863660118,0.16987551576072835,0.0,0.057362005161382686,0.0,0.06571749382338557,0.0,0.0,0.075880755360289,0.0,0.0,0.06423145595155035,0.06360034203278114,0.12612144369648218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683499777131734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668169519211911,0.0,0.0,0.07223329062424723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385152799545614,0.06417902316519887,0.0,0.0,0.053772543916755365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059064448036721,0.0,0.06492055983082527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453134460145922,0.0,0.19396865932790225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938707058613113,0.0,0.06810102639697056,0.0,0.0627398541456615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339118541865286,0.0,0.0,0.07513025759926771,0.14220465249161227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055912134613499316,0.06690203952340394,0.0,0.0605329529015356,0.0,0.0,0.13029146693825092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437198953865605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204380997268773,0.0,0.0,0.06874869423202015,0.07253818944828835,0.0,0.0,0.10184502465936528,0.0,0.0,0.05102691309926394,0.0,0.06680156555409908,0.0,0.0,0.05296969613922157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425591269399155,0.049296603646201635,0.0,0.0,0.04532368858655257,0.0,0.10227548190931893,0.1070708041073388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060351412096624125,0.0,0.0,0.051468210157724105,0.11193730849958904,0.0,0.0,0.07434856329757694,0.21270716163361128,0.041030486540228533,0.12582642018320567,0.0,0.2613717233893674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142288554724081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530493087611298,0.0,0.05283486553405711,0.15107596173326418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057574375334565636,0.059360282385762485,0.0,0.07149182217895468,0.14727218445722073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639040841619433,0.0,0.0,0.12370764572330825
ptsd,daz3d-n-c0nfus3d,2020/02/14,"Poems Wrote these two seperate days. Can you relate? 

Feel distracted, brain in tact but slightly re-tracted
Confused and scattered  .-
Unable to put together a thought, yet a million of them run through my brain matter
The lights are dim and the world seems more like a shadow
There's a trace of unreal and unnatural in everything 
My eyes dart everywhere and no where at once, I can not focus 
I am not even here, yet I am standing so firm on this fucking ground
Detached
Yet so in tune, and inside my head
All the darkness keeps the Demon in there fed
And yet the battle prevails long past it's due date
It will forever be etched into my skin , like the track marks and scars that define who I am
Electricity runs through my body and I can feel it
A constant seurgre of something I didn't particularly ask for
An anxiety so hard to put into words
Yet so easily comprehended and battled with inside my head


.....
Feel this lucid sadness, consumed within my eyes, seeping through my brain.
It pumps through me and when it finally gets tho my heart, I'm down.

Seeing through a difference lence 
Stress calling me pulling back like a greedy friend
Addiction telling me it's running away and I'm okay with that

The world seems weird and slightly shifted, everything's in tact but not quite glued down
Nothing's in tact, just glued down slightly.
Mother nature cast fog all over the world, but only I seem to see it. 
Down
Down
I'm sinking down. And this cycle goes around, and around. 
Somehow I am afraid I can't keep up",4.1968194925028826,6.217763588235292,4.29517733564014,85.71582252018455,72.2871972318339,7.031199538638984,28.65066320645905,7.793537801064563,1.795356286043828,1203,48,227,16,24,372,168,289,0.115,0.8079999999999999,0.076,-0.8297,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,1,1,21,14,3,4,16,1,12,13,10,0,2,43,31,23,0,0,7,1,5,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,14,20,1,2,7,0,0,6,6,9,0,2,4,10,23,5,36,25,3,48,1,1,4,1,9,27,1,5,17,146,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236218467497146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288348519979434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617330749389874,0.1135082758153983,0.0,0.11407503806493947,0.09336198994283312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486664329457584,0.0,0.4066237603473165,0.12398008200472088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120837800190546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830376238127985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126854666677379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019462153174346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182431006920084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417587839475405,0.0,0.0,0.1330061202369235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380628368235737,0.11224783346209173,0.06343524316642182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876556374858727,0.0,0.24921723861413705,0.0,0.0,0.14387943920737806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158415811140478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779542804051805,0.0,0.0,0.1074500073628738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165026509966406,0.0,0.0,0.12930488140102284,0.0,0.09234291338333983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590603118612125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24411474850267664,0.0,0.1291416643665947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350686762003125,0.3315997608195155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347254984174508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390824825638188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612359548105324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963913410423038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860652703565397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gregdoucetteismydoc,2020/02/14,Prazosin & seroquel Just got prescribed prazosin (0.5mg) today for ptsd nightmares but my doctor didn't tell me much about it other than to watch my blood pressure. I also take seroquel at night (between 25mg and 75mg). Is there anything i should expect when taking these together or should i just take prazosin tonight? Any info on this mix is appreciated !,5.865454545454547,7.7934443333333325,5.470121212121214,79.35518181818183,67.78787878787878,6.492121212121212,32.89696969696969,6.742157984588678,2.1444642424242417,290,13,47,2,5,89,54,66,0.043,0.883,0.073,0.4482,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,9,9,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,7,5,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,4,31,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123813106762693,0.0,0.2877518636334229,0.0,0.18060102460257865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185467069962204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718286470586903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240566748759065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952291744256868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492254132897249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310444540528348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5990410901244841,0.0,0.2321254351392571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25173532621699235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NotAzakanAtAll,2020/02/14,"I'll end up as my grandfather. He was in the Finnish winter war. He never said anything about it until he got old. In his dementia he talked to his old trench mates again, none of which survived (aunts tried to find them), he was afraid to make the slightest sound as the soviets could her him. He cried at night, being so afraid a grenade would hit. One aunt told me after grandpa had passed that he at one point tried to hang himself when they were just kids, no one ever spoke of that.

It was absolutely soul crushing to see. He must have suffered for so long and told no one until he couldn't help it. Get's me teary eyed just thinking about it. 

Some 15 years ago I was in the army, had a terrible event happen, we found our NCO had blown his brains out. It's surreal to been in a tent together for many months and then he just sat there with his rifle between his legs. Never had that man shown he was anything other than happy go lucky. 

I hear things, see things and when it's at it's worst I'm right there. Seeing him as clear as I do anyone. 

I've tried to ""suck it up"" for many years now. It only grew worse.

I am in group therapy for depression, but it has become clear my depression stems from the ptsd. The other in the group feel so sorry for me when I have to talk about it, I hate that. Even worse they feel their issues are ""nothing"" in comparison to mine - pain dosn't work like that. It makes me just want to quit the therapy, it hurts a lot and it clouds their therapy. 

I really do think I'll end up like grandpa. Either I hang myself or get to live in that specific moment for every last day I have. 

Alcohol and drugs can only ""help"" so much..

hard to type this down, it makes it more real. 

Is there a way out?",2.0818808091853462,3.832063112994352,3.063548387096777,93.43757517769274,77.47457627118644,6.375651540003643,19.611445234189905,7.233258080335977,0.20022008383451828,1338,29,300,16,31,426,195,354,0.156,0.815,0.028999999999999998,-0.9919,0,0,2,1,0,1,46.0,2,0,5,3,21,16,3,2,13,0,26,6,3,3,6,39,53,21,1,5,7,4,3,2,1,2,3,4,0,2,28,9,1,0,6,0,0,5,6,12,0,4,18,11,33,4,51,29,7,52,1,4,4,0,45,19,1,4,29,192,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337241801367591,0.1005141842798404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576412990521842,0.0,0.15479541149508613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387428412132636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499438964052543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750937649261458,0.0,0.10331293837210938,0.06065648301582439,0.0,0.16201563271365665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907176189339846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666062996950961,0.0,0.0,0.062121200194891014,0.08507643369729721,0.0792438119542477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511216915631213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596284979961245,0.0,0.0,0.1031243939425528,0.0,0.0,0.09827774892841272,0.0,0.05345255681672451,0.0,0.07522287376125658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317086537023595,0.10012129752147046,0.08425312359958809,0.09285798632124316,0.0,0.0,0.10600470432267793,0.0,0.1260836505482198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068581259707436,0.0,0.0,0.0981670238368156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666584771810543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189920942692473,0.0,0.08305063005962507,0.08323405349184745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996060114601809,0.0,0.0,0.1883435682631973,0.19071020743407807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507230484256035,0.0,0.069139866727877,0.0,0.14507913210524132,0.0,0.0,0.08826248387692033,0.0,0.0902465074036554,0.0,0.19738586067851374,0.0,0.25493131894012616,0.14306327529946067,0.10007915328782778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891060116034108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099430667658599,0.0,0.0,0.10003707271619368,0.0,0.10705304394337478,0.0602528384665289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032085248443137,0.08946605718626413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248444839486899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528477009072976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119267395441854,0.0,0.0,0.3226738262327744,0.0,0.12496943040407638,0.1205308860490253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179743577692037,0.0,0.1915676885493784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547496832192558,0.07465499061140073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847179314862266,0.0,0.19169633346492396,0.06681263951423917,0.0,0.0,0.12113425412304987
ptsd,Redditisntthatbad,2020/02/14,"how do I get over having to work with people in lab? I'm currently taking a class at a local CC, I need it for my degree and I prefer to take it here since it's easier and the class isn't related to my major. My biggest issue is all of these people know each other since the CC has basically become a highschool due to the influx of high school students in the PSEO program. They're very rude and I'd prefer just working on my own, the one time I had to work with them I felt like I was back in high school because of how passive-aggressive and petty they are, I was pretty close to calling them out but I don't want to start nothing since I need this class. The class isn't hard but the thing I look the least forward too is lab, I use to get in trouble a lot during high school for getting in verbal altercations over small things. I don't want this to happen here and I just ignore their behavior but I've been lemanting over what they said to me and I want to bash their faces in next time I see them. I have PTSD and the smallest things set me off, I feel like the next time they say something rude I'll have to chew them out verbally. I know highschool students love to bully people and for some reason people are drawn to targetting me due to my quiet demnonr.",5.228750000000002,4.812535587121213,5.889909090909092,84.18236363636366,68.12878787878788,8.555151515151517,27.44848484848485,7.793537801064563,1.4397275757575754,1001,26,213,10,15,327,135,264,0.09,0.846,0.064,-0.7042,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,9,3,8,7,2,0,14,0,17,3,1,4,1,38,39,13,0,7,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,11,14,1,1,7,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,6,8,35,3,37,33,7,33,0,0,2,1,13,22,0,2,13,140,46,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543125181706168,0.0,0.06772728051885991,0.12270439496704445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344845597797093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617695115326607,0.07937191508973918,0.10667618190044607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413999754114504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982479041898402,0.0,0.09952635190530798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521588577461608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159625345917434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211846746417462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855850402308907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329843183908702,0.0,0.0,0.09445569004705097,0.10027468115778812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476274597027066,0.0,0.0,0.2363183329881414,0.0,0.0,0.10660620366750534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528618250731342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080989735544544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303156464172133,0.0,0.0,0.12987331371226735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423225820458882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568427508299602,0.08835346441895918,0.0,0.3373261187072066,0.08853460571106186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757163354089934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553242008233324,0.0,0.0,0.07863918576801522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670710680279496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143543722329376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435493716213206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595721064821428,0.0,0.09167150634323193,0.19659406025288675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426526455998573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Elie-E,2020/02/14,"My parent stole everything of my childhood. I thought...

Children,You’ve so many chance.You’ll join to schools and social or you’ll stay at home always,You’ll be police officers,criminals,millionaires,paupers,good parents,traitors,peacemakers,soldiers.And you’ll feel pleasure or pain.

Parents,Why do you decide chance of your children yourselves...?Tell me and explain to me please,Why do you can't do?

Blood of Rapist inside me,Blood of An unfortunate girl inside me... I can’t delete that.",4.005542635658912,7.350512151162793,3.121279069767444,85.44920542635661,84.46511627906978,5.657364341085271,29.25968992248062,7.1686216300943375,2.143266666666668,399,19,63,6,12,116,60,86,0.147,0.7490000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.6593,3,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,8,3,1,0,0,8,11,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,12,1,7,7,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,1,0,2,1,32,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24687605967042234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889286763327446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039917903989715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755391452599199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784952528411326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922923683427308,0.0,0.3050137025469141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780036473619503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800145843828813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927858373870669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218075296652374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49573481824805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Twinflametruth,2020/02/14,"A PTSD “CURE” THAT COULD LEAD YOU INTO A CULT?! A WARNING ABOUT “the mind alignment process” by Jeff and Shaleia led by Christine Kay. Hi everyone, I’m new here but I have and understand ptsd and even c-ptsd.

I have been very vocal in other places but there is currently a group of people that are doing an experimental psychotherapy on people called MAP, or the “Mind Alignment Process” ( mindalignmentprocess.org ) 

This site and group, led by cult leaders Jeff and Shaleia and army sergeant christine Kay makes all these claims of being able to cure trauma and cure anxiety, ptsd and more with just a few sessions. Take a look at their site for the grandiose claims- I have screenshots of it all as well. 

I wanted to let you know that it doesn’t cure ptsd and that it’s actually a very dangerous psychological experiment that is essentially being led by a few business psychopath cult leaders and Chrissy who is also not a medical doctor and who’s background is in public chemical safety and business?!

I won’t go into it all here, but I’d suggest that if anyone from this MAP group contacts you that you do not get a session with them. The process involves getting into a deep state of hypnosis and then, once you’ve worked through memories you are implanted with belief systems and essentially brainwashed.

What can happen after a map session is actually your memory and cognitive function to be impaired and it can leave some people suicidal- one of their students committed suicide last year. Or you end up joining a cult because of whatever placebo effects you feel. 

As for the suicide- they hushed it up and never made any kind of post even though you can clearly see in weeks prior that she had posted in their group for emotional support and when she said she had ptsd, she was referred to a whack job twin flame coach instead of seeing a professional therapist and doctor. This group is not safe, and have even gone as far to black mail people who wrote about them including a cult expert who weighed in on the recent vice Canada article, calling twin flames universe a cult. 

Vice article here: https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/v747x4/this-youtube-school-promised-true-love-students-say-they-got-exploited-instead

Jeff has stated in video multiple times that he sees map as a pipeline to bring people into his twin flame cult, twin flames universe, and or to his classes life purpose class or twin flame ascension school. 

They also coerce their students to become mostly free employees and have done things like heteronormative gender assignments and told people who their twin flame is and even told a few to violate restraining orders.

Just please don’t do it, you can read more here: 

https://reddit.app.link/SZE9H9su43

https://www.reddit.com/user/imagine1111/comments/ae14c2/beware_twin_flames_universe_jeff_and_shaleia_cult/",12.1613356669123,11.882637097457636,9.213478260869568,65.55797715549008,54.08474576271186,11.598526160648492,39.80140014738393,10.662846686107436,4.278777155490052,2338,91,349,40,23,672,245,472,0.083,0.858,0.059000000000000004,-0.9447,3,0,0,0,0,2,74.0,0,10,9,3,19,9,2,0,26,0,35,5,0,8,6,72,58,41,3,3,13,0,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,28,31,1,2,6,3,1,7,7,3,1,1,11,8,30,7,51,41,10,50,1,0,5,0,48,24,0,7,14,235,58,16,0.07826559800702645,0.0,0.15275186741323105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517794089927464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322329048649215,0.0,0.059872968253013074,0.0,0.0,0.054725125892307186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770998211006628,0.08643820398301658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983585236724188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624887114789389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602163119150793,0.0,0.08009287999641912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803826349640846,0.06932008937399561,0.0,0.0,0.20677475737282547,0.0,0.0,0.07478613289423215,0.0,0.07655877284167546,0.0,0.0,0.039573437970450334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178108933047977,0.0,0.04448014297880699,0.0,0.06259614842466339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921000984150676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766652944208695,0.0,0.0,0.08150157648960883,0.043012725842447266,0.06379690834594093,0.0,0.08287196762920553,0.0,0.08003187661868377,0.05528130646107717,0.03823661783817572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572339063135044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063775789430153,0.07405680121723987,0.052242894412018716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884435603356152,0.0,0.0,0.15805188594613775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060363254104088715,0.0755894022589966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335030756468864,0.05303479473915799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255570666015333,0.0,0.0817708919339526,0.08591212389373627,0.0,0.0,0.14991361656239896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5489297747954172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828677778936917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727783599984203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444850634628644,0.062239944886271936,0.0,0.1584179271679384,0.1871026455914004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568295835973089,0.08881487312907578,0.0,0.0,0.058845989427432285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908723916065971,0.05199618562132247,0.0,0.07689555266575772,0.0,0.04563729959316384,0.0,0.0,0.1495722657884643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147724770987548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291546299846042,0.046163077496266434,0.0,0.06277994181314038,0.0,0.07037017192877436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056978287487888676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050400479078098574
ptsd,zcarninjagirl,2020/02/14,"Grief and loss Trigger warning: suicide
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So in 2010 my dad attempted suicide as sort of a cry for help and attention, not so much to die, but I was the person who found him near death and got EMS to him, I was just a senior an high school. In early 2015, I had a brand new 6 week old baby and mother mom succeeded suicide and while I didnt actually physically see her, I was the first person to arrive on scene and make the 911 call, and later watched her slip away in the hospital (she had bipolar disorder and her own trauma which brought on some very severe emotional torment). Then, sometime in the summer this past year a very dear friend of mine was in a fatal car accident and was lost forever. I know that everyone experiences loss and it's never easy, but I have PTSD for other reasons that is possibly worsened by witnessing all of these things. Well I have nightmare most nights, normally it's about being hunted, or someone trying to use a knife on me, particularly one with a serrated blade. Last night I somehow meshed the two deaths I mentioned and dreamed that my friend wanted to commit suicide and myself as well as a group of people were trying to stop her. I guess in a way I was heartbroken by her suffering and also wished it could end for her. Now, I would never ever ever want this in real live, but in this dream, I felt guilty about forcing her to keep living when she so clearly couldnt live with her pain. I guess the reason I had that thought in my mind was because my moms last message to her best friend was ""I'm sorry, I do love you, the pain is just too much"". I'm a very empathetic person and to a certain degree I understand the desire to permanently escape that type of pain. This was such a horrible dream, probably one of the worst I've had. I feel so guilty for thinking that way. I dont think that I personally would ever attempt suicide despite facing bipolar depression myself. I want to live, and I know that others want me to live too. I wouldn't want to inflict the same pain that I've experienced on someone else, particularly my own child. I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here. Just sort of venting...",5.558742397137749,5.779186881395353,6.337209302325586,79.084740608229,67.3953488372093,9.220035778175315,30.49194991055457,9.057496981413335,2.4124400715563508,1709,60,335,28,26,564,223,430,0.248,0.615,0.13699999999999998,-0.9956,0,0,0,0,0,6,53.0,0,1,0,8,22,24,0,0,24,0,27,8,1,5,10,76,57,30,10,13,9,4,2,0,3,3,6,0,0,5,23,17,0,2,12,3,0,2,8,13,2,4,21,5,48,11,50,30,10,46,0,6,2,1,33,17,0,8,25,231,71,4,0.0,0.0,0.06894783370894669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565017501868129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638149081826088,0.0,0.0,0.043069848748660766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414671467870533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214534235402603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641124211045865,0.0,0.07760978804809912,0.0,0.0,0.06085394101412993,0.0,0.07332740116350135,0.0,0.08097527829401173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280562752621769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590221126159252,0.07947591940272447,0.06257822016562246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917309900727176,0.0,0.06751265227517704,0.0,0.06911289044433176,0.0,0.0,0.03572464110172429,0.0,0.06783864617533854,0.0,0.0,0.060098013702369515,0.0,0.07746815144917837,0.16376065433554546,0.0,0.0369136498504504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056508230052975526,0.0,0.1556660648110931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047357695703772615,0.0746495288281194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280026804270993,0.0,0.0,0.07765886778276314,0.115184415150393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119426229546022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712687590471189,0.0,0.06376773609835795,0.0,0.047161903253850834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134011082247373,0.16549755366435973,0.0,0.0,0.10387721977469096,0.0,0.10898500101057636,0.06823779801019374,0.0,0.13260745022301693,0.06922563928491532,0.0,0.0,0.07413918843240767,0.0,0.0957535713412,0.0,0.3007221359526589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744696539643139,0.048982389699350065,0.2467683940365924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965144750398997,0.0,0.0,0.07617665450985596,0.0,0.08259041165128543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041939549163095,0.0,0.14528757231643302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150533138388955,0.05630186311608811,0.0,0.0,0.07981858692631806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972932651415293,0.0,0.06987833053284323,0.07909104919660558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906966922390443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864184820623993,0.0,0.06659029003217852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046939188638788966,0.09054409512409893,0.0,0.05609115744249861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439077035214323,0.0,0.06901841295832885,0.07355300882791775,0.0,0.061022124575208614,0.0,0.17489014245886145,0.20836695777312025,0.11216326027268997,0.05667414823388042,0.0,0.12705234952289335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124828513521552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038074365783398,0.0,0.0,0.04549867584829264
ptsd,lovelace214,2020/02/14,"Mass Shootings PTSD First post so bear with me. I have been in multiple mass shooting scenarios, whether it was a shootout at a party or the Dallas protest that went terribly wrong. I was there. My car was actually hit with a bullet in that protest. I haven’t been in one in a couple years but I am always looking over my shoulder or just always prepared to exit the building I am in. It’s terrifying. Tonight I had a dream about my family & I being in a shootout situation. It ended positive Thank God but I am unable to fall back asleep now. 

I don’t think it helps that my hobby is to read on Unsolved Mysteries. It is a hobby that I may have to stop reading on because I think it is triggering my anxiety.

Is there anyone that has been in a similar situation that can give me any tips on how to cope & deal with my version of PTSD?",2.927310924369749,4.590253294117649,4.6245378151260494,83.53470588235297,74.88235294117648,7.915966386554623,28.61344537815126,8.634040054169528,2.193697478991596,660,28,134,13,14,223,98,170,0.1,0.778,0.121,0.6858,0,0,0,4,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,2,0,10,0,22,2,2,2,0,15,29,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,1,2,3,0,3,2,4,0,2,8,1,19,1,22,18,1,26,0,0,1,0,3,15,0,3,7,99,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.155798985873063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26568934450262377,0.3459694455893273,0.0,0.10856999424027562,0.0,0.12213464742522095,0.0,0.0,0.1116335827532888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276384440202072,0.0,0.09732341678889957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665378805302845,0.0,0.0,0.16459595960782214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140579500585712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505073043710392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580136001574827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315438175412951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701251318611736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406890248749434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818548245952464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529041171444422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732532752929521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193938193595418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589149075653016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347764629981995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698768152252875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459929541337096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800058414805842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455626368996507,0.0,0.1028117516448003
ptsd,WisteriaSuperAlex10,2020/02/14,"Self re-post from r/CPTSD: My trauma story [triggering] Hi I'm Alex, I just joined Reddit and created my account because of this subreddit I just discovered and because of a post I saw here, called 'Anyone here living your teen years later?'. 


I am a European 21-year-old young man (born 1998) and Spanish is my mother tongue, but besides that I don't know who I am anymore. My ""father"" (I don't see him as such), an absolute narcissist and GBV abuser, has economically, judicially, emotionally and socially abused me for half my life. Meanwhile, my mother, a GBV survivor woman, has also abused me as a consequence of her not receiving help and support and therapy herself. She is sick and I am basically the only person she has, since she herself was born also in a hyperdisfunctional, abusive, toxic family. 

I've been parentified (instrumentally and emotionally), isolated for years (having NO social life nor even Internet at home, in my high school years), economically chained to perpetual poverty, fallen into several mental circumstances (reactive high-functioning depression, anxiety and Atlas personality, people pleasing disorder and boundaries issues, undiagnosed C-PTSD (complex PTSD), emotional instability, disconnection from the self, limerence and OCD-like behaviours, suicidal tendencies, sleeping disorders, exhaustion, memory disorders, etc) and I've been extremely broken and in survival mode for all my teen and pre-teen years, arguably a decade, and I can't hold on any longer. Also, my mother and I may get evicted this 2020 and this 2020 I must do my university thesis. And I have just like 100000000000 needs unmet hahaha. I really can't. 

P.S.: I don't know how to use Reddit yet and I use it on Chrome so I'll see how I check the post and all.",7.179520284275982,9.084113752443,8.109601717500741,61.775370891323654,64.5700325732899,11.705596683446851,35.77864968907314,11.479024033405116,5.025007817589578,1410,67,209,47,22,475,188,307,0.209,0.7240000000000001,0.068,-0.9945,2,0,0,0,3,0,70.0,0,1,0,1,14,5,0,0,10,0,21,5,1,5,3,41,32,31,1,2,5,4,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,6,6,22,0,1,3,0,2,2,8,3,0,1,4,3,36,2,19,26,3,21,0,1,3,0,25,8,0,1,10,135,42,1,0.0,0.4229165285462808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140840958671859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068300288384808,0.0,0.06826469149035883,0.0,0.08849735021769788,0.062395333734291625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879391166948904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111912662188087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685815571429665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068138453030301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011328019448976,0.0,0.0,0.09952084754057412,0.0589390146835562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412301436596986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662171423754098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059812480342492313,0.1885637976787167,0.08951019153951201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313837532448267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808267555354687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260589358056254,0.04359581621755421,0.0,0.07879632539625991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992810345036946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616677760492866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363734203749403,0.0,0.0,0.06786739838492385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186445893285478,0.1558334870195794,0.0,0.0979534638754485,0.0,0.0,0.256387993198945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862237066054434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057166360597726326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031079667673918,0.1422178182798893,0.0,0.18618357125197166,0.10081038763707406,0.0,0.07381628793823149,0.0,0.08929965471640579,0.181928118114217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760883640498486,0.10126305895326317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204823969202087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414114104884644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28732274811342245
ptsd,hooplamama999,2020/02/14,"I'm having a hard time coping right now and I want to rant *Trigger Warning: NSFW* So I have PTSD and Bipolar 1 and I recently got out of a horribly abusive relationship with a guy that I'm confident is a psychopath because he just wanted to watch me burn. He told me all my friends hated me when I was depressed, encouraged me to stop taking medication and fully supported unchecked manic episodes because he knew I could be easily persuaded into things I usually wouldn't with him. Long story short in a manic episode I tried convincing him that I was ""boring"" and ""depressing"" like how I was depressed and that I could fulfill his typical dude fantasy of having a threesome. After months of being pestered and berated I finally lost it when I was manic and set up to go to a sex party in a city so we could finally have a threesome. Once I walked into this party that I paid a few hundred for I told him explicitly once we entered the party that this was not a good idea and I was only open to talking to people and I didn't want to do anything at all. When I'm manic I'm scared of nothing, especially when I'm with my boyfriend and I feel like I'm just at a party. I ended up drinking too much and he let me get gang-raped by multiple old men and initiated it each time it happened. 

This happened very close to the anniversary of a previous time a boyfriend drugged me and raped me with his friend, it all seems so thematic and I don't know how to cope. Nothing feels completely real like I'm distanced from it. While I was with him I would first have repetitive dreams of him cheating on me (this was not paranoia because he had dating apps the entire time I later discovered), but then for a month straight after the last time we broke up, I would have repetitive dreams of him stabbing me in the stomach over and over again. But ever since the assault happened now I have these repetitive ""daydreams"" I guess of me freaking out and screaming, of slashing my throat or meeting him at a bar and stabbing him in the stomach instead. I've had rage attacks where I destroyed my apartment after he messaged me telling me I was a ""retarded bitch"" that deserved everything and that I should be lucky it went so well for me because he didn't get any other action. I have repetitive dreams of my childhood bedroom dark and murky and I can just hear myself screaming bloody murder in the background. The whole room is vibrating with the feeling of intense fear and anger in a way that honestly I've only felt in an LSD induced psychotic episode. I'm still in the throws of mania but I know that once the depression sets in the full weight will hit me and the full expression of PTSD symptoms will emerge, honestly I don't think they went away after the first time I was assaulted so if anything now they're just more magnified. I can't find any services in the area that I can afford or that are available to my specific needs and I'm just here to rant and struggling to cope.",6.5664894225271615,6.447268610634648,6.7837049742710125,77.89304173813609,65.295025728988,9.879702687249859,35.84848484848485,9.496760409515344,3.290667695826188,2372,106,447,41,33,765,268,583,0.19,0.711,0.098,-0.9968,1,0,2,0,1,0,37.0,3,0,1,3,27,37,11,3,35,0,44,12,3,4,5,89,85,44,1,12,13,0,6,3,2,6,4,3,2,2,24,41,3,1,12,6,1,7,8,24,1,2,23,10,71,13,65,48,10,87,0,6,1,2,35,35,1,6,45,313,95,1,0.0,0.0967495200443891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110583485407021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439257286285847,0.0,0.0,0.09289598036103078,0.07671890637093506,0.0,0.0,0.1991080135639176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561521597773263,0.0,0.0,0.1955880509036364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28132226290290785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999221699633471,0.09469553758707004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232336234945573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386291818436179,0.0,0.0,0.073387536362518,0.0,0.0,0.09188618848805648,0.123863837435743,0.05833537174832047,0.07840298071198308,0.1789012611051506,0.07463250004384082,0.13891383967058826,0.0,0.0,0.1261751145020048,0.0,0.08532423155242358,0.0,0.04640723240640612,0.06848954148189731,0.0653081085884396,0.0,0.08995376651053527,0.08085270625669644,0.21662554095845246,0.0,0.07314812463055795,0.08061882178576163,0.0,0.0,0.09203273412237738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218017312364332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975247968760099,0.06656089108865716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349923470195852,0.0,0.1196796249933332,0.0,0.0,0.07226337325205058,0.0,0.0,0.08913764210894441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226026512833515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035477086937794,0.0,0.060026873453219234,0.060547210090514475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670309868647836,0.0,0.08568468989850284,0.2608843071486692,0.0,0.12420679310828465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056610288844783474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090399991043636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294289714012287,0.0,0.0,0.08062587606378674,0.08766844952026623,0.0,0.06973414725709433,0.0,0.0,0.0817523340888333,0.0,0.0,0.07433694941644366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754704484150509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521093253544226,0.0682684339669001,0.0,0.08536503284117397,0.0,0.0,0.09266275201521487,0.0,0.08487229913651971,0.0613954750290466,0.06563234741423397,0.07137132122474589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054248905439108895,0.05232214485273271,0.0,0.0,0.28568713499367565,0.0,0.0,0.1560524412726198,0.0,0.05543935765038053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993302414902579,0.06737510862897493,0.14448923873636554,0.06481507538508129,0.0,0.09943553650706292,0.07341893942951927,0.15139266215826278,0.0,0.09116649085224914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601277372956653,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,calc697,2020/02/14,I'm falling out of love with my abuser And its profoundly painful. I havent stopped crying since I let myself think the words. I'd rather die than live through this.,3.0527272727272714,5.207024575757579,2.645454545454548,95.68818181818185,75.96969696969697,5.612121212121212,26.15151515151515,6.42735559955562,0.7411696969696973,133,5,28,1,3,39,30,33,0.29,0.507,0.203,-0.5544,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.38949683803898255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610996073148282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411746949901089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361534804530935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902787431499068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966958813262296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497968746419003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719327224835095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27483691036173513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210639907776358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,rizzol302,2020/02/14,"Bad days/weeks Hello first time posting here. 

I’ve been in therapy for two years now, also have done EMDR for my trauma (sexual assault). I feel like I’m finally out of the ‘fog’ that has been these past two years. I feel great, more energized, and more social. 

However, my trauma is still going to be with me and a constant reminder as it has gone to legal levels. So very two months or so, I get a phone call waiting to hear if I have to testify in court. 

The week leading up to the call, I get angry. Distant from my loved ones/friends. I get cruel at some points. I know what’s going on and I apologize every time but I feel sick. 

I’ve talked to my therapist about how I can cope when this happens but it’s like I shut down. 

I already try meditation, butterfly hug, using my senses. Nothing helps me break out of my rage. 

Any tips?",1.1625163398692775,3.375271617647062,3.0862745098039213,89.75712418300655,82.82352941176471,6.130718954248366,21.20915032679739,7.3871296695380915,0.7714640522875822,645,20,135,10,18,216,115,170,0.13,0.762,0.10800000000000001,-0.7031,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,9,12,3,0,5,0,10,3,0,3,0,19,26,13,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,6,0,4,4,4,20,6,22,21,3,30,0,0,0,2,10,11,0,3,15,85,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555827826489324,0.11274734158005045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958760700069888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771834849344255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28792720688845197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235698020031285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442787640412223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878772158432264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138619582474929,0.10072122013548412,0.0,0.154444488500293,0.0,0.11992356443438194,0.0,0.0,0.108926292080604,0.0,0.22097983911442468,0.0,0.16025244824873436,0.0,0.0,0.15543878739974268,0.0,0.0,0.12467443647500087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890272051754492,0.0,0.09450068849731896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774828289714353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377583616185407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724637201319985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253456675557416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528093526864082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458815029528273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327839077992795,0.0,0.13502667972196564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437186045484992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125924888158716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133200991747851,0.0,0.0,0.1612310483634019,0.16369690223470487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644214362069398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572099360512913,0.0,0.4131717631080672,0.0,0.0,0.12176759659079014,0.0,0.11632913178557945,0.0,0.0,0.2261827121657933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815821538393589
ptsd,cloudsunmoon,2020/02/14,"All This Healing is Causing Me to Hate Myself So I have been working really really hard in therapy the last year or so. I have grown a lot. I am able to assert myself when needed, I am able to bounce back from big emotions, I’m even able to enjoy moments of my life. I think my depression is lifting.

But I don’t know who I am when I’m not in crisis. I’m suffering less, but I don’t feel that I deserve peace in life. I’m not as weak anymore, so I now suddenly question if I am arrogant and overbearing. 

The people in my life have been there for me during all my tough times. Do they only pity me? When I am better they are going to leave, right.

Who am I now that I am gaining my strength back? I can’t get rid of the feeling that I’ll heal and only find out that I actually “hate myself”.",2.009049773755656,3.034928176470589,4.29470588235294,87.56309954751131,76.05882352941177,7.34841628959276,24.253393665158374,7.882392219407189,1.1502262443438909,610,19,137,9,13,213,93,170,0.132,0.721,0.147,0.6839,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,4,12,10,2,0,4,0,19,6,0,1,2,20,32,13,0,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,2,3,29,3,15,30,4,21,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,4,12,98,36,1,0.4628505898478414,0.0,0.15055846956374092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530078044884897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372690223540809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364512445220651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849168461218774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288417827144422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354820519752945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190281644887406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602077688748586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101235129182946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060677658063188,0.0,0.08768288553551899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382077384609067,0.3046460888141023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479019319724138,0.12576166885709886,0.0,0.16336398143317654,0.0,0.0,0.3269250597276689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116633993163634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143992825378819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23467915361710365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696077355874847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283286298776482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976759598821568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317572915857998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764366624399643,0.0,0.0,0.0988586562956016,0.0,0.0,0.08996396702870718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232024731104938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935353490311033
ptsd,kylecello,2020/02/14,"is trauma related dysphoria a thing?? (possible tw: sexual assault) so a little more than a year ago i was sexually assaulted. and recently, i’ve been experiencing a LOT of gender dysphoria. just a need to feel like a female, even tho i’m assigned a male 😔 but it’s always been running in the back of my head that it might be possibly trauma related? i’m not too sure if it may be, given that my trauma is sexual. if anyone has experienced this, or knows anything about it, please let me know. i’m just trying to figure this all out, and it isn’t easy by any means. thanks ❤️",1.1451282051282057,3.4762768461538482,4.258461538461543,80.56153846153849,83.95726495726495,8.044444444444443,21.820512820512814,8.841846274778883,1.955184615384616,449,15,89,13,13,162,84,117,0.122,0.774,0.10400000000000001,-0.2693,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,2,0,8,0,12,1,1,0,2,21,22,8,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,3,4,3,9,13,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,5,60,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834392147914252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219008581031942,0.0,0.0,0.14072582895377894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469677908676812,0.0,0.17029342206025688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912355793989996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668146441167742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463473438110643,0.1478374864110393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123794369235309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274568687659869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160946790295168,0.0,0.10110009532446652,0.2074075563313225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593240352066866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254175779749509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952990852982848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534428783209132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271572227424421,0.0,0.4665859639523919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20432760604292166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503785328557266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052191605052632,0.0,0.0,0.1374812841729927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404982095363239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326213266977735
ptsd,microscope411,2020/02/15,"A question about anxiety (TW) Hi, one of the big traumas I had involved a panic attack where I thought I was dying. I then dealt with depersonalization and derealisation temporarily which moved on to PTSD. TLDR: I am very much afraid of death.

Does anyone else question whether they are alive or dead?/ from a trauma that was either life-threatening, or one where you thought you were dying? I know that I am alive but sometimes the intrusive rumination gets tough to use CBT for.",4.796465517241376,7.430972367816089,5.33400862068966,76.18997844827587,72.44827586206895,7.5683908045976995,28.11637931034483,8.472884824447931,2.2557137931034483,384,15,66,7,8,123,65,87,0.16699999999999998,0.7909999999999999,0.042,-0.8181,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,0,3,6,1,2,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,13,12,6,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,0,2,6,0,10,0,9,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,4,1,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871963359748466,0.0,0.0,0.13593280755494475,0.19919135255493944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116425939050366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035243192665264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701255153190805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240080404532525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156882141733506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068401486341192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731431531737892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662222232988775,0.14291037092470174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634683220713199,0.0,0.0,0.2280929031493563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272495623103833,0.0,0.4355571811829276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922719564059924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308672416650734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790388646464646,0.0,0.16040485221611187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,wow_wow_thisgirl,2020/02/15,"Health insurance and ptsd Good afternoon! I have a question about health insurance if anyone can help or point me in the right direction that’d be great. I’ve posted here before about my fiancé. He suffers from PTSD (not a veteran) but he can’t get state insurance. We live in Illinois (us) is there a way for us to get him insurance for therapies?? We can’t afford 200$ a month in outside insurance. But going without therapies isn’t an option either! 

Thank you!",2.9895006242197217,5.519416764044949,4.441947565543071,80.8292384519351,77.9887640449438,8.449937578027466,26.742821473158553,9.150863307647796,2.713590761548065,368,15,66,10,9,122,65,89,0.024,0.85,0.126,0.831,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,4,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,8,2,0,0,0,12,12,5,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,9,3,10,10,1,11,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,4,2,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059341260408588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675729365633175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021448992643632,0.0,0.09801735761170782,0.1446577081197872,0.0,0.19014622712837248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666501598269997,0.0,0.0,0.11560145108818914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522921220465344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766205750865132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630377049929696,0.0,0.16517636389413445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032109793762159,0.0,0.19320327376389385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728645719675745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878506886891142,0.3944636477819536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149147696309961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689681744029916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625268992676465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,h-hux,2020/02/15,"Finding repressed memories on my own? I’m certain I’ve got a plethora of repressed memories, and I’d like to try and find some of them to get to the source of some of my complexes and issues. I don’t have a therapist, and currently I’m unable to find one. Is there any strategies to dig within myself for this - or is it inherently a really bad idea? I’m pretty good at coping with stuff by this point",3.4754618473895604,4.517136807228919,5.443554216867472,80.67368473895584,72.49397590361446,8.90682730923695,28.29116465863454,9.2995712137729,2.423595983935744,317,12,64,7,6,110,57,83,0.098,0.772,0.129,0.3954,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,16,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,5,3,15,8,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,2,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677898801686485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249603729557585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6321438046102617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045061764269817,0.0,0.0,0.1933708027242211,0.18438846441226486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26025804358593857,0.0,0.24062982276696085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126329882098932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562237391353619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179402141688767,0.0,0.0,0.2345478689523767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476934847847526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639196794759131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676813377100451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652540314060653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sunnysidestories,2020/02/15,"getting through it so i’m super new at this so if i don’t format this correctly, please educate me. this is gonna be a lot of detail so get ready.
so basically i was diagnosed with PTSD when i was 16 years old (i’m almost 21 now), up until now, every doctor, labeled me as ADHD and BPII (bipolar disorder two), i have come to the realization that those were misdiagnosis masked by trauma. i was physically abused as a toddler, witnessed my mother being physically and verbally abused, up until the age of 5. when i started kindergarten, my teacher was physically abusive towards me and other students, she also illegally gave me ridelin (i have no clue how to spell that), i didn’t speak about any of my abuse until i was 15 years old, and even when i started to talk about all of it, i had a rough time. growing up due to my trauma i was an aggressive child and didn’t understand a lot of my feelings. i dissociate a lot, and don’t have a definite understanding of who i am. when i was 18 i was raped by my best friend, which didn’t help anything at all. i was in behavioral therapy from 5 - 17 and until i was 15 i would go to therapy to play games then when i was asked about something i wasn’t ready to talk about i should just shut down. i relive all of my trauma, anytime i write or talk about it, and i don’t know how to let things go. i don’t know how not to relive my trauma or take things for a grain of salt either. 

so point of the post, i am trying to work through my trauma, because although it was hard for me to sleep as a child, now every time i start to go to sleep i have anxiety attack’s, which end up me pulling a 72 hour all nighter, sleeping for 16 hours then repeating that cycle. it seems like my trauma is affecting me in what i didn’t know it could, and i don’t know how to get through it. i don’t have insurance or money to get professional help. any tips? when i was younger i used to write and draw a lot, but my mom read my journals to my siblings, and now it’s really hard for me to write. i’m used to unhealthy coping mechanisms, and they seem to help more than the healthy ones, but i don’t want to continue to practice unhealthy coping mechanisms, and i really want help. another issue i seem to have is i don’t know who i am as a person, i don’t know if this has anything to do with me being dissociative, but it’s kinda scary, looking at myself and not recognizing anything. sometimes hold my own hand or stroke my arm to remind myself that i’m a person, i check my pulse to make sure i’m still alive because sometimes i don’t feel like i am. i feel numb. to everything and i really want to get better.",3.498661075766336,4.2917543644688685,5.141889338731442,83.78951417004048,72.2051282051282,8.311470985155196,27.372084056294586,8.611707548084741,1.819194871794872,2057,71,440,35,38,700,228,546,0.09300000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.106,0.7994,0,0,1,0,3,0,59.0,0,0,1,4,28,18,3,0,17,0,52,11,5,8,6,75,94,51,0,8,13,2,8,2,1,3,5,1,0,4,26,18,0,1,14,3,2,6,18,10,0,2,21,11,74,8,74,65,12,54,0,0,1,1,25,13,0,15,36,310,100,5,0.0,0.3532009537320964,0.0,0.0,0.08956487174330359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746262758030237,0.0,0.0,0.05959781795797791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135945534016744,0.07814622582451962,0.05701161461695749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839837999502228,0.0,0.06967105145444234,0.08478323418643413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085980511093676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782096552583422,0.0659115301134258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419690660629633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950235040448705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564156312577111,0.0,0.0,0.08541239658783972,0.0762797544265152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660072539564531,0.0,0.0,0.049223226790919804,0.0,0.1255814799251652,0.0,0.06697849204677657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304662156243675,0.05324085568685491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057578025657023774,0.0,0.19468184407366726,0.0,0.1270632562711117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351997700543455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19981082484212914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678472461753628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778500194055503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457427805140807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620712050845538,0.0,0.07281854847195596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258244291748037,0.0,0.0,0.2534348204606922,0.0,0.0,0.049746185124912766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728307568498306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197695381503352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640343320827285,0.0,0.0505002402115943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014515282225605,0.0,0.08180634836168339,0.07045045284544289,0.0,0.07137459176211555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871160327316122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454542066579924,0.0,0.14322835634195585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353497427720724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373722296121976,0.0,0.0,0.057373180790741066,0.14741476179177854,0.0,0.15824807311526967,0.0,0.05951596337302285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023916905202307,0.0,0.05603371552940322,0.1797017263632006,0.0,0.0,0.17045224366046038,0.0,0.099022533296416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691254876721938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059775487109715,0.0,0.07280034331041045,0.15516683344831625,0.0,0.12873178122157114,0.0,0.0,0.131870775437166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425527182929076,0.0,0.0,0.05294060154974015,0.0,0.0,0.09598363914640166
ptsd,twinkies2,2020/02/15,"I don't know if this is normal **(possible trigger; abuse & self harm)**

So my dad was abusive to my mum when I was a baby which I have always known but recently I found out that he stabbed himself in front of me and my mum (I was 18 ish months) . I also found out that I had ptsd from it for a while, luckily I can't remember it now but images of my dad stabbing himself keeps coming into my head but it's in a different place. After my dad my mum met other men but they all abused her, I was extremely young then but I do remember my old brother by a few years would tell me that she was getting hit, I wouldn't know what to do so now I feel guilty for not saying something. 

My question is, is seeing images of abuse or something unsettling even though you either never saw it or remember it normal? Because I will be trying to sleep and all I can see is my dad stabbing himself but it's what he looks like now if that makes sense?",1.460668934240367,3.2614449081632664,3.28625850340136,90.89604308390024,79.51020408163265,6.192290249433108,22.62358276643991,7.1686216300943375,0.7201120181405898,726,23,158,9,18,243,112,196,0.12,0.841,0.039,-0.9521,1,0,2,0,3,0,20.0,0,1,1,0,9,2,0,0,4,0,20,2,2,2,3,39,35,19,0,6,12,8,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,2,15,6,0,1,10,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,10,6,33,1,16,20,4,21,0,0,4,0,23,6,0,6,14,117,48,0,0.0,0.5592744252785012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436989066451633,0.09819100202904966,0.12786017669412164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193577020021225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165229642648983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329185279627496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794229200956806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966771761320859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587764434931579,0.0,0.0,0.061653614072087214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110888744697447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048897495971027,0.0,0.0,0.12970675842002402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057652097787309835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909588132580917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877036797764814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419179744616996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910140181094843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312429611082532,0.0,0.0,0.12382814838814005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329185279627496,0.0,0.0,0.13303478861043036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794348124968842,0.0,0.13219447651479388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651734933016099,0.0,0.4010356562794204,0.0,0.0,0.09384363972897146,0.0,0.0,0.1880720738351168,0.0,0.12310669219546755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180918921300118,0.0,0.0,0.18169459835309265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314303016961572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594095326259135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011878217457886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382855196955957,0.0,0.0,0.07599242591578635
ptsd,zlzw,2020/02/15,"Starting therapy So I have had a really bad time in life. Physical and emotional abuse in childhood. Bad but nothing that would cause anything more than scars and bruises. Molested as I got older by a relative. Sexual assaults and rapes as an adult with abusive partner.

So apparently I dealt with it all quite well by ignoring it all never thinking about it for years until I was raped again. And then I got PTSD symptoms and then I was assaulted again a few months ago.

I was going to kill myself and have managed to stay alive. Starting treatment now. I don't know what I think about it. I don't think it's going to help any of the childhood stuff at all.

Anyone have good experiences from treatment?",3.0744456289978683,5.724378768656718,3.99360341151386,83.4782089552239,78.4776119402985,7.112153518123669,27.4818763326226,8.192908349453996,2.172059275053305,561,24,101,11,14,180,89,134,0.297,0.612,0.091,-0.9907,1,0,0,0,1,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,6,0,5,0,10,4,0,1,4,20,20,14,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,8,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,9,1,0,6,0,11,2,19,13,5,22,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,16,74,19,1,0.0,0.3804946463997065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233421756416365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919203278306204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227317375288122,0.0,0.13213412962343085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681358501016349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494799954413708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061786233046687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706672694505536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825094685406508,0.1346771738830133,0.2568424698436845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762562833112588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764516825953575,0.0,0.08824420525952545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341422471653492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816418217295122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384026543226925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406973103611735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876958922092959,0.0,0.0,0.17078428108122207,0.0,0.0,0.10286424243742782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273023104352496,0.1711445730691319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838124270219754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689207054600275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836239837246221,0.0,0.0,0.3086572831908738,0.0,0.0,0.09362873786565097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437029446998534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406319973946105,0.0,0.0,0.10340079903880603
ptsd,DartTimeTime,2020/02/15,"I got a diagnosis and a prescription. Now what? At time of writing I am 28 years old. I will be 29 this November.
When I was 7 >! I broke my leg at a roller rink. Then again the other leg about a year later. The second time I broke it slipping on an icey board and landing back on it.  !< It was the second time that did it for me. I kept reliving it. As a kid I didn't know this wasn't just regular ordinary stuff. So I never mentioned it.
I also never felt safe after that. I just didn't, and haven't. I developed depression.      

After 20 years I connected the dots and suspected that I had PTSD, and talked to a medical professionals. 3 about my conditions, and later 2 more about the medication I ended up getting prescribed. (Generic Zoloft). 

I've spent nearly all my life like this, so . . . 
Now what?",0.5296296296296319,2.9043973333333355,3.010975308641978,87.90238888888894,88.01234567901236,6.696790123456791,21.062962962962967,7.908726449838941,1.2289496296296294,616,21,129,14,20,212,98,162,0.076,0.8859999999999999,0.038,-0.6544,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,12,0,11,6,2,0,3,17,17,12,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,16,6,0,2,3,1,1,0,6,3,0,2,11,1,19,2,15,4,2,27,0,3,0,0,4,7,0,0,21,96,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657202596507365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934563954015266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848528359367385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354261345957928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989715012607769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826814421937593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573926517002435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388716004894135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463713557636053,0.101241196184993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175210763177729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196542161223849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174510615457188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24223859293312056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23722662846438144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665621201858602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625091649857002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003443619222725
ptsd,JupiterJunk,2020/02/15,"EMDR or sick? Uncontrollable shaking at night Hi guys, I started EMDR last tuesday for sexual - emotional trauma. I have a lovely boyfriend now, and yesterday I had sex with him for the first time after treatment. Though I did enioy it, it also felt weird and I was quite tense. Not too long after, we went to sleep. I suddenly woke up shaking very heavily. 
At first I thought I was just cold and wrapped myself in 5 blankets. Breathing normally was hard, my whole body felt tight. I was hot and cold the same time, feeling very sick to my stomach. It felt like an hour of trying to relax and being comforted by my bf before it stopped. 

Could this just be the EMDR / triggered feelings arising through phyisical stuff? Or am I just getting sick?",3.7388157166574447,6.178175820143888,4.200143884892089,83.99381848367459,74.97122302158273,6.8668511344770335,29.397343663530712,7.882392219407189,2.1450560044272278,585,26,104,9,13,184,97,139,0.177,0.7240000000000001,0.099,-0.8668,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,3,7,9,0,3,5,0,11,9,4,1,0,25,22,9,0,2,6,0,8,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,6,7,0,2,6,1,0,3,1,5,0,2,12,10,16,4,15,7,2,23,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,2,17,72,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152315434291836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994819028343697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268430749565645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131247223738604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500176684065814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663175908686833,0.0,0.4737385674868577,0.0,0.0,0.2797888669198913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592653591418051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284689217871728,0.0,0.0,0.14732895553265746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196557736952094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406148979133473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034962954899846,0.0,0.0,0.1455469618430049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843670805298825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433991057832147,0.16114145862833998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749295077517265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458446699359025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640966318310722,0.0,0.0,0.13750068266263996,0.0,0.0,0.18827386908232094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158670719276969,0.13056738832321135,0.19180253501742892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166140894635952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714028400137399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246134404495393,0.0,0.1836200715285103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dizzysoda,2020/02/15,"Short poem about my first two years of therapy (TW: child abuse) Hope this is allowed. I’m not great at poetry but I’ve been wanting to pick it up as a creative outlet.

TW: Child abuse

PAULA:

paula took my matted hair in her hands and murmured quizzically into its knots

... what happened

how are you feeling

how was your week ...

paula trimmed the edges and broke a brush trying to untangle it

... how did you react

what did you do

why did you do that ...

paula cut off strands of hair that dreaded, but cut too far

... what did he do

when did it happen

for how long ...

i told paula my dad hit me

and hit me

and hit me

AND HIT ME

so she shaved my head.",0.2504545454545486,2.5286673030303035,1.3941666666666668,99.76125,88.0909090909091,4.512121212121213,17.340909090909093,5.985473137389443,-0.5542363636363632,492,12,114,4,16,154,87,132,0.14300000000000002,0.8079999999999999,0.049,-0.9473,1,0,0,0,6,0,27.0,0,5,0,1,8,6,2,1,3,0,12,4,4,7,0,19,24,14,0,2,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,9,5,16,2,12,11,0,13,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,1,5,70,26,0,0.0,0.5189419068965353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072946574642066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627537588791207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24144061000030714,0.0,0.0,0.3873096605747014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475004810940247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750951078653927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380195734815955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504376373429765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925724337629265,0.2433093356055119,0.1486819054141446,0.0,0.2139243882613204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291677744094173,0.0,0.17566301471586054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760716483095705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102434379971562
ptsd,starkils,2020/02/15,"It's been over a year but I'm still stuck thinking about my abuser (cw: sexual abuse) Hi, I've never posted on reddit before so please bare with this post if it is all over the place.

December 5th, 2018 was the last time I had a conversation with my then boyfriend, before he blocked me on everything and said I was emotionally abusive. I was sexually assaulted in August 2018 before we started dating, and I think this caused me to isolate myself and only spend time with him. I guess that's why we started dating, because only he understood my pain, and he continued to sexually abuse me in our short relationship.

It was short but it was so meaningful to me. We were best friends before we started dating, and I had liked him earlier (and admitted to it even though he didn't feel the same way). He was the person I confided in, cried with, and cuddled. I know it doesn't make sense, but when he didn't assault me, he was so caring and did make sure he had my consent. For the most part, he wouldn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I've never felt so emotionally close to someone before. But now that he's gone I feel like I haven't been able to open up anymore. I feel uncomfortable with any intimacy (even platonic) when I used to love cuddling/getting hugs.

Time has definitely made me less broken up about him but I can't help but feel... empty? Like, I know how he treated me was bad but the good parts were so good. Recently, my university's investigation ruled that he violated the sexual violence policy and was in my favour (this investigation was out of my control) and I thought I would get peace from it ending, since it took 10 months, but I feel worse than before. I don't feel validated that I was assaulted. I just want my best friend back.

And it really, really sucks because I know in a hypothetical world where he apologized and reached out to me, I'd take him back in a heartbeat. In fact, that would seem better than where I am now, having no contact.

I wish I didn't feel this way.",4.268041030117853,5.60591211139241,5.4952335224792686,79.92443037974688,70.92405063291139,8.99257965953732,27.544740288083812,9.40505699530331,2.315164120471409,1584,55,315,35,29,528,191,395,0.175,0.621,0.203,0.9267,0,0,0,0,3,0,53.0,5,0,0,4,21,24,5,0,11,0,35,4,0,7,5,75,72,31,0,6,10,0,8,3,2,3,1,1,0,1,18,26,0,2,18,0,1,2,12,7,0,0,31,9,51,17,36,38,8,55,0,0,0,3,34,23,1,4,29,203,69,0,0.08073307619461778,0.3826219748812299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490126026748667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006551796035069,0.0,0.0,0.06643644280426929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415750447654192,0.06740874639966034,0.09842826782183484,0.0,0.4121874094175325,0.0,0.16944876526253674,0.07140184519029201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231275175788698,0.08293510820121572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054900982507127,0.0,0.0,0.08868149326658209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162768868792853,0.07150554266187388,0.0,0.0,0.1066468708295388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725576831849182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285747483570644,0.057675725764666314,0.07751641378383688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474834880181455,0.0,0.0843594003536997,0.0,0.0,0.1354301479143784,0.0,0.0,0.08893658535586221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411367919304371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310636197265413,0.06580823239875451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832630913048603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728647532953831,0.0763915887394654,0.10777991052503608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444037118006891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453265079512855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280228483550068,0.08590568517617247,0.0,0.0,0.1748521082758573,0.0,0.0,0.07049300811322516,0.08434888146402429,0.08862067397391843,0.0,0.0,0.1546399406218847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343935179767254,0.0,0.07971417303130188,0.08667711032269103,0.0,0.0,0.07679564314950517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349636044529217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667832349007775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840487347096498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142986058423956,0.0,0.0644735389361877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608996887671601,0.0,0.0607012259430516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346099073354208,0.07931983745699513,0.06409304452640584,0.14122831790184687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969741820733505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972745662280466,0.0,0.0,0.0476184600614632,0.12816431613581855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284904403892757,0.0,0.09283905332500687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227390186197371,0.11470092196708093,0.0,0.0,0.05198945413145721
ptsd,SomeEpicUserNameIDK,2020/02/15,"Feeling so frustrated and hopeless Today is one of my bad days. I was drugged and sexually assaulted a few years ago. Since then I have never been the same. It broke me. It fucked me in the head and have been struggling everyday since. It feels like they took my soul away. I have been diagnosed with ptsd for a while now and idk I have so much shame and anger towards myself about what happened. I am anxious and depressed and suicidal af. I spent 2 and a half weeks in a mental hospital about a year ago, and idk I'm feeling like I should go back. I feel like these intrusive thoughts and behaviors and panic attacks and nightmares will never stop and this is my life now....


I had a panic attack today for the first time in about a month..The lonest I've gone with out on. I thought I was doing better but I'm not. I thought I had the whole suicidal thoughts under control but during that panic attack my thoughts shifted from ""if I ever kill myself, how should I do it"" to now thinking "" when I kill myself this is how I'm doing it"" and it scares me, because now I officially do have a plan this time. I can't live like this for much longer. I'm hoping I will wake up tomorrow and I'll be over it and forget this plan. I'm even more frustrated and up set that I told my BF about this panic attack and how intense the suicidal thoughts are right now and he proceeded to basically lecture me and yell at me, telling me that life isn't fair...yea these guys hurt me and they get off scott free while I have to deal with the trauma of it every day, he compared it to how traumatizing it was when his last girlfriend of 2 years broke up with him and that was his whole life and he lost everything too, idk him comparing his break up to my assault just really upsets me...and then he went on to yell something about how ""look at what the world did to jesus, why would you think you would be treated any better"" idk I started disassociating at that point so not quite sure what he was going on about. But I just needed him to sit there and listen, not do that...now I just feel like I'm so fucked up in the head that I can't even think or feel right so like again, if I'm so broken and can't get my shit together still then I just don't think I'm going to be around much longer. I'm so tired and just want this all to stop. 


I'm sorry for the rambling nonsense I just typed out but I need to vent and idk what else to do. I just feel so defeated.",2.817416641329686,4.090207438735181,3.881857707509884,90.34033394142092,74.41501976284584,7.007925407925409,23.64629573325225,7.5161900641278425,0.8179294213033339,1908,54,424,23,39,618,213,506,0.266,0.662,0.073,-0.9989,0,0,2,0,0,3,49.0,0,2,2,9,42,43,14,8,17,0,42,12,4,6,5,91,90,54,5,10,17,0,7,6,2,6,6,3,0,1,29,34,0,3,17,0,2,6,10,31,0,3,23,11,56,13,53,58,9,74,2,7,1,2,22,27,3,4,44,288,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016728583874085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046093309252360014,0.0,0.0,0.07657307899050507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060339335970079726,0.0,0.3084420546385398,0.06368234938343892,0.05211929764413498,0.05659418707285156,0.041318583269141805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989332541768005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602199825700037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742609493873221,0.06987909063624026,0.058379555584716435,0.06879614634445252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860427885292423,0.0,0.056622211261366476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953723783374748,0.06131166859384365,0.057108298097432515,0.0,0.06091706662802807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399042765891741,0.1936906403293954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057654365074792435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532462612894738,0.0708254038231887,0.0,0.11556427461573512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711370810658683,0.05993839084024857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912543472277086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732168802425388,0.0,0.0,0.07256081273949531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997895852057952,0.0,0.0,0.055250447667835136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362687826854376,0.19868582735146464,0.0,0.05985174137462005,0.0,0.05691885153649692,0.0,0.0739908157782118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830716487036925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410203595815853,0.0,0.14948019367589396,0.10051729800562917,0.10455355591382301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459300650655536,0.0,0.0,0.31810494105033393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407482161532382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923219839847817,0.0,0.0,0.07209328815187935,0.0,0.0,0.0434221546831902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576896855414165,0.0,0.0,0.06786046554398051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957607897571387,0.11213805599932758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218101766833784,0.0,0.07587512371227803,0.04797564172783272,0.0,0.054129882525478484,0.1133356683350066,0.0,0.07085927190145529,0.0,0.22242377939616634,0.0,0.06388265860108057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059243459392088325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372495342373392,0.0,0.3228625909009007,0.0790471293436539,0.07790412785221272,0.1284966601556909,0.06476751662238557,0.07530702968247605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03997890749757569,0.0,0.05436971758769151,0.0,0.0,0.06283353648862705,0.061161683707535074,0.15134981967663982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629915674067832,0.0,0.0,0.13094595509104218
ptsd,pherislore,2020/02/15,"Help with nightmares/night terrors I don't know if this is the right subreddit but I don't really know where else to post this. I've talked to a few professionals about this and they say it sounds like trauma. 

Long story short, I have these awful nightmares or night terrors. Don't really know the correct term. I basically wake up in the early hours of the morning feeling very anxious, sometimes sweating profusely, confused, anxious like hell and often feeling suicidal like I need to escape. After around 30-40 minutes I usually calm down and I am ok and get on with my day.

I don't really remember the content of these dreams/nightmares but they involve an ex girlfriend. Now, I haven't seen or even heard from this person in a few years. It was quite an emotionally abusive relationship and ended with me being completely ghosted. I am still shocked to this day at how I ended up in such a relationship and how savagely it ended.   


The thing is during my day to day life I literally think about her 0% of the time. She doesn't even cross my mind for weeks at a time, and then I'll have a nightmare and I know she's the cause. It's a really horrible feeling. I don't know how to get rid of it. Why do am I getting these night terrors? And why are they recurring even though my life has really moved on and this person doesn't even figure in my day-to-day existence at all.

Appreciate any help or insight. Thanks y'all",4.244880952380953,5.709548678571429,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,71.14285714285714,8.476190476190476,28.690476190476193,8.976282227363876,2.320583333333334,1130,43,218,22,21,371,143,280,0.19399999999999998,0.691,0.115,-0.9865,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,3,1,16,13,1,4,16,2,20,4,2,4,2,42,36,21,2,2,6,1,3,3,1,0,2,3,0,2,15,14,0,0,12,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,3,7,28,6,31,32,4,42,1,0,1,0,19,16,1,6,26,143,43,1,0.0,0.11410186785330652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654885161362232,0.0,0.0,0.2175872116976817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857290058236215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892846075359084,0.0,0.0,0.10097058936562736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726401069041707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044778420132156,0.10832654627118317,0.2558843929060809,0.0,0.0,0.2544256830233121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607922813893304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509411238755417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909811307638608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948378597182261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26462471266324233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604159747043695,0.14114456329558334,0.0,0.0,0.08522404929405976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723735030786083,0.0,0.0,0.10235355699687976,0.0,0.0714065533499763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711181047122587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681740082767392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223048976817687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024288023799464,0.0,0.0,0.3084669471300853,0.0,0.0,0.2067841543291628,0.10909114950612893,0.08224119821515789,0.0,0.07658304471116333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952449278058881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690672990766363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533852238955764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740372694485045,0.0,0.08866174508502694,0.0,0.0,0.06397862683721606,0.06170629533923251,0.09461601482218264,0.0,0.11230869055640544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060628107756228,0.07945905817267471,0.0,0.0,0.07724748310149003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379476437545702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062015192168870685
ptsd,lom04,2020/02/15,"Getting over an assault I was brutally assaulted by a group of three guys, and they filmed the entire thing with my hands tied in public over a long period of time. I assume it’s all over their social media by now and feel like a walking joke wherever I go. I don’t know how to deal with it.",6.418469945355191,4.817622868852459,7.235081967213116,79.40650273224045,66.21311475409837,10.756284153005463,30.169398907103826,9.725611199111238,2.442602185792349,229,6,49,4,3,77,49,61,0.17800000000000002,0.747,0.075,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,2,5,3,0,5,0,2,1,1,1,1,9,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,3,0,1,1,2,7,2,11,5,1,10,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40283853367645983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757123365102155,0.2791466403853102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041469169346903,0.0,0.22206806312503752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868966741995085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474195175387684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089713060998084,0.0,0.0,0.34579496558707323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39831294305820986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25959206642655225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278451922184621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ouranphile,2020/02/15,"Why do I react this way? Hi all, so I’ve honestly been confused about this. I don’t really talk about it all because I feel like I’m being way over dramatic. However a recent event really showed me that maybe this could be something serious to address and try to get ahold of, or maybe not be over dramatic? I’m not sure? 

Sometime this past week my dad and I went to the store with my little brothers. I’m 16 so he let me go grab what I needed to get while he went along with them to grab what he needed for the house. It was just a quick trip so we were just trying to hurry and get home. I forgot how anxious I got when I was off on my own. I was fine for the first few minutes or so but after looking around and seeing everyone surrounding me I got nervous.

I truly do want to assume the best of people but I just can’t and it really really sucks. Due to my own personal experiences however, I’ve found it really hard to trust strangers who even make any notion of noticing my existence in a store while I’m on my own. I don’t like it and I’ve noticed that if someone (particularly older men) make eye contact with me or notice me and even begin to walk in my direction I just dash right out of there. It gets to me in a weird way for no reason. I want to throw up, my legs feel weak and/or they become shaky, I just feel ready to fight and cry at the same time.

It makes no sense to me and I hate it, it’s happened a few times in the stores and I for the most part have just begun to stay with my parents, even if it’s gonna make the trip longer.

For some background on my personal experience, I’ve almost been kidnaped before. The city I live in is the number one hotspot for human trafficking/abductions in the US. It’s not the safest place but everything is kept on the down low here. Nothing gets reported because big corporations don’t want it out there that 14 kids have been or have almost been snatched up in the span of two weeks. 

My grandma, my mom and I were out getting decorations and stuff for my birthday party and we were just having a fun time enjoying ourselves. At a certain point (about a few minutes of being there) I noticed that I kept seeing the same guy over and over again and I thought it was weird but it’s Walmart and he’s older so he could be lost. I thought maybe he was getting similar things, just a small world coincidence. I brushed it off for the time being. In the toy isle I made direct eye contact with him and I nodded my head to acknowledge him in a respectful manner. He didn’t respond. He just had a weird emotionless expression?? It was extremely weird. Bits and pieces are foggy so I’m sorry if sounds all out of wack. He just turned around and went the other way after I noticed him, that’s when I started hanging close to my family. I lost sight of him for a while and forgot about it. That was up until we were walking out and I saw him waiting, sitting on a bench just looking around. He was kinda antsy. I told my mom that it was weird that I kept seeing him and she agreed and so we left quickly. I was on the opposite side of the car since I was helping my mom and grandma pull something to the other side of the door since it would spill/break stuff if we just pushed it. I had a really weird feeling in my gut to turn around and my gut is truthfully never wrong. So I turned around and my heart absolutely sank to my stomach when I saw him standing right in the car door. He was between my car door and another persons car and he was just about to fucking grab me and I got extremely freaked out and when I yelled my mom and grandma saw him and he just took off. We called security and I gave a pretty detailed description and they took none of it. They said there was nothing they could do because he ran away. Manager said the same thing. So we went home after that and I was pretty freaked out to say at the least.

It’s always been one of my worst nightmares to be kidnapped. So I’m not sure if maybe that’s why I have the reaction I do now or if it’s me being stupid. 

I’m not sure anymore.

Sorry for the long post, if you made it this far, thank you for listening. It really means a lot.",2.2986004406552354,3.9677321445221447,3.6681945907973312,89.69758166491043,76.62237762237763,6.8925120541558895,23.64153654564613,7.712971501820863,1.005137637704761,3252,102,705,47,73,1067,330,858,0.099,0.8079999999999999,0.09300000000000001,0.2913,4,0,2,1,1,0,69.0,8,2,5,4,52,39,5,3,43,0,57,10,8,9,9,150,133,70,0,16,35,7,8,2,0,2,1,6,6,7,49,61,0,7,11,2,3,20,14,23,0,4,56,26,101,16,106,63,22,121,0,3,11,1,68,60,2,21,35,484,150,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791114947108812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044834584935918464,0.0,0.0,0.03664197100090888,0.05650053526595431,0.0,0.060871926649022995,0.05343699530725224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23983439621625316,0.0,0.0,0.05062441463254761,0.0,0.0,0.09853887827780658,0.059509025743535685,0.045850068010677376,0.0,0.05654639540730826,0.0,0.05882577194710751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502009189785472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290624574110028,0.0,0.059187433744863925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676671708175332,0.0,0.0,0.051487070561262116,0.04842614741813863,0.10541491548861703,0.0507956578682654,0.0,0.10897851322345607,0.03849369323452187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045832456107242785,0.0,0.05907941764244558,0.0,0.049813534662642135,0.1970598015826827,0.0,0.03062268593782966,0.0,0.1292843547089909,0.0,0.0,0.053352180307581334,0.04764814708757499,0.0,0.048268167079784464,0.05319784723646753,0.055299025252125926,0.0,0.0,0.06385106252067416,0.03611632691277683,0.0,0.10809715033234084,0.0,0.0,0.06217321011710369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854353112091783,0.05509854192412983,0.0,0.052648569045345074,0.05400445476827027,0.04757926491664164,0.047684347226882536,0.09049551621414872,0.0,0.11763830239374773,0.04580900376178902,0.0,0.10196991346526664,0.1438680400667502,0.0,0.21652899183634666,0.058693876004568865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252426291549092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990643280669636,0.04155753216655903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034034896659414,0.30672811187394394,0.0,0.0,0.07302439939765029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059830177716737064,0.058349533778243874,0.05143697587757022,0.0373553648052566,0.1411444516829055,0.056295779978556185,0.0,0.05093641124057273,0.0,0.05160457330343875,0.1096358169061975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416297182723716,0.05540021933252544,0.05320250213462197,0.0,0.0,0.09203077968086654,0.10250925809609417,0.042849553922257935,0.0,0.0,0.12881221080634614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914437827688139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045654496414690125,0.08296281465637023,0.05329120414619738,0.1206341713299015,0.03813833507411348,0.05743161221131545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233652208660169,0.0,0.0,0.15235095257140208,0.0,0.0,0.043308739996121226,0.0,0.04960779819072096,0.0,0.0,0.07159432302209559,0.0,0.0,0.08555342691422105,0.12567735613241784,0.0,0.0,0.051487070561262116,0.11973095629485915,0.07316540762677604,0.17582617351473998,0.052635406523917176,0.0,0.06481405432143213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534394424712624,0.17107779064886552,0.08644263766215897,0.0,0.0,0.19979859630347035,0.09724121253730622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038276606365849584,0.058912092580566636,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ShelterBoy,2020/02/15,I am not responsible for the crap that goes on in your mind. Just need to say this. A lot of my trouble have been due to things others think and assume then act on as if I were guilty of their thoughts.,2.9336434108527136,3.6032603488372095,3.4465116279069754,95.882015503876,73.4186046511628,6.663565891472868,21.310077519379846,6.42735559955562,-0.08939689922480598,157,3,39,1,3,49,39,43,0.218,0.782,0.0,-0.8427,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,10,7,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,1,5,0,9,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,3,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049910425280446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4809958875093545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35322083945945715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37882695736143146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31647773514771266,0.305237382524697,0.0,0.3781829849216098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sylvijan,2020/02/15,"Just learned today that my husband has PTSD. Hi. I just found out today that my husband suffers from PTSD. He is in an inpatient drug treatment facility and today was our first family counseling session. The therapist told me that he has PTSD. I was shocked but just nodded and said OK. I didn't ask any questions. Considering what I've read about it since this morning a lot of his behaviours are making much more sense. I know he didn't have a great childhood and has struggled with addiction, anxiety and depression most of his adult life. He is 48 and we have only been together 6 years. I don't know what the trauma was that caused it but to be honest, I really want to ask. I'm not sure if I should ask though.  How can I offer support without seeming overbearing or crossing any personal boundaries? Can anyone offer suggestions as to how I can help? He is the love of my life and seeing him suffer alone is heartbreaking. Thank you.",3.7415,5.970597205555558,4.596388888888889,82.14625000000002,74.16666666666667,8.055555555555555,27.91666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.3988333333333336,747,30,137,16,16,241,118,180,0.174,0.6990000000000001,0.127,-0.8274,0,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,2,1,0,1,7,14,0,1,6,1,22,5,0,4,1,33,38,14,0,3,9,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,9,9,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,9,2,19,7,13,27,4,9,0,4,1,1,27,2,0,6,6,91,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747921936609706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306125968409898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715191283397226,0.0,0.09647429942794508,0.0,0.0,0.08817949628379651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536892925047807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955037277948725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861891507863762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462483125133369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888589400378527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726965152867854,0.0,0.1382738147000791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903743302705207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452930808168442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861422652709526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178151358381186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072147619343162,0.11381978219646045,0.0,0.0841798358349132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270583568854056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959128294618821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011495224988288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422497915481454,0.0,0.1412727859092311,0.0,0.12614477387832726,0.0,0.08078970942525741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996010391306193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049385769699756,0.11480639623116318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432003001461043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183822932720687,0.0,0.0,0.14310886722203234,0.11885779191174485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610573984017225,0.0,0.14642418061755513,0.0,0.0,0.12390306993307115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35861444158527017,0.1205041271280743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438332674722734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156616300177255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121112167589364
ptsd,worstofblue,2020/02/16,"Finding A Support Group TW: mentions terms related to sexual trauma.

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As an adult I went through sexual abuse, r***, assault, etc. by a romantic partner. I want to find community support for it, but I'm unsure where to look. Does anyone here know of ways to find local IRL support groups, or know of any active online communities?",1.7445000000000022,4.453344450000003,3.860000000000003,78.075,96.16666666666666,6.4,26.0,7.554174236665415,2.4227000000000007,257,12,41,6,10,87,48,60,0.134,0.67,0.19699999999999998,0.5267,0,0,0,0,1,0,40.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,3,10,8,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,1,21,3,0,0.0,0.2270844648031585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303346291987655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401236424568375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772200130722534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137503443357132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5255183071172302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106614462300604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094521156666744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6524767700834664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304538921126575,0.15212991959282735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766972717570734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Leading-Sleep,2020/02/16,"Are these things normal given my situation? (This post may be triggering to some, it includes sexual abuse and childhood trauma)

Hello, I’m new to this community. I have been experiencing some serious things. And want to know if anyone else is experiencing similar behavior.

I was sexually assaulted at the age 7 by my mothers boyfriend. I wet the bed and he told me the only way I wouldn’t get in trouble is if I allowed him to do what he’d like. He was a terrible man and continued to abuse me and my family throughout the relationship. I haven’t healed from this and don’t talk about it with a therapist or even my mother. It’s something I want to bury and never bring up. But this is impossible and I know it. 

Anyways, since this happened I’ve had a bed wetting problem. Happens mostly at night when I’m sleeping. I just don’t know i have to go and stay asleep.. I’ve cut down in fluids and go to the bathroom before I lay down for the night but these things just don’t work. It’s effecting my life obviously but I can’t control it. My brother also wets the bed, it seems more like a choice on his behalf. While talking to my mother about my brother she informed me that bed wetting is genetic and she was also a bed wetter.

I also have very terrible nightmares. They’re about the sexual abuse just altered a bit. They feel so real and it hurts to be reminded about it in my sleep.. 

I just want to know if these things could be linked to my child hood trauma and what my options are on getting better.",3.2109302325581366,4.98770327574751,4.825865780730896,81.90808770764122,74.38205980066445,7.872478405315615,26.99016611295681,8.608573733854374,2.013569727574751,1190,45,234,23,25,401,154,301,0.114,0.843,0.043,-0.9684,1,0,1,0,3,0,29.0,0,0,1,4,15,13,2,0,14,0,27,5,3,4,2,52,47,26,0,10,11,5,5,2,0,2,2,0,5,2,24,14,0,1,9,0,0,3,7,10,0,0,7,7,34,3,30,33,5,25,0,1,0,0,21,10,0,10,11,165,58,1,0.0,0.4077175518063153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27518698547180137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802039204654367,0.11752812058458785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760491932323316,0.0,0.0,0.10144664072844918,0.12522739821644846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865063701868815,0.09158205785231388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582073235638416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576111486351705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813301491827716,0.0,0.05799794554647261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985653531699975,0.0,0.13037820531592328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286528479308996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227933360811154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25215395569911103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101904626687992,0.11207746372279936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846703506404974,0.11078213723511396,0.0,0.21528444904992766,0.11238586963641993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723779642625767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985502165054688,0.0,0.0,0.10975653338508937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055861659527593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314950190505335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442249570821864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488459044170393,0.1289324502101002,0.2295742958909548,0.0,0.0,0.08830498167939065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222595324217021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438995869440772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331805445868159,0.3048177865710388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960488362092093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464306844549666,0.2029667215331599,0.09104694212444199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350610370323164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IntelligentTune3,2020/02/16,I have anxiety and hsp I think i might also have ptsd I have had bad anxiety since August 2019 and in September my grandmother passed away and that made my anxiety worse my mum and dad started fighting and I st8to have panic attacks. I keep on remembering a couple month of my life around October November December I cant think of anything good that happened in those months and it makes me have nightmares and feel sick I stopped doing all the things I used to love doing like art and baking and I felt lonely like I would cry everytime my mum went to work,4.027298674821608,5.976880211009173,4.830581039755352,82.0009378185525,72.57798165137615,8.514169215086646,27.70744138634047,9.150863307647796,2.428051172273191,449,17,84,10,9,145,73,109,0.253,0.649,0.098,-0.9442,0,2,0,0,2,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,2,1,2,0,11,4,0,3,1,23,23,10,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,10,1,2,5,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,4,2,17,4,9,17,1,12,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,7,55,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350007686729912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38742752974636296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389198199290396,0.15028055550691796,0.0,0.19205068537611905,0.15860663176794634,0.0,0.1409529245729174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867898590300411,0.18543462827965027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535760385038718,0.0,0.16208824238409614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415934611118255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928196551798112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004994412747324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923856251154966,0.1649483211666742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236153502062633,0.1597362125941189,0.1126848844557933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790853398389703,0.0,0.0,0.2694919951349465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806725779284545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973349324769161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123374161598014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396449685608179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948766047466415,0.0,0.0,0.14113634930104538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215274794447017,0.21633882844582528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580139016003238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649258673740418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289885187878533,0.0,0.1720362371778037,0.11992086536229893,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EndRed27,2020/02/16,"Who else is suck of having hypersensitivity getting triggered by things that shouldn't I struggle to sit with my 5 month old between my legs at the moment cos he constantly wriggles and he brushes my legs which triggers my ptsd.

Sorry new poster",7.1080000000000005,8.490045133333336,6.780000000000005,73.17000000000003,64.33333333333334,7.777777777777778,35.0,7.793537801064563,2.6890000000000014,201,9,33,2,3,63,40,45,0.09300000000000001,0.8640000000000001,0.043,-0.3045,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,2,2,3,0,6,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,6,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,5,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609498543708407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27902535876768303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450822982177486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666063309256029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225922493694956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504909047514469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39044382216086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37390068568031737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491833562107905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190367931133967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,s_swerve,2020/02/16,"Does anyone else feel this way? Like you can’t catch a break Has anyone else experienced their trauma(s, and you feel ok/are healing, but then more crazy things keep on happening that are unrelated to the first trauma?? In the most eloquent terms, you keep on getting sh*t on. 

I’m so tired of this.",3.7710526315789465,5.948466807017546,3.7612631578947346,88.4008421052632,73.91228070175438,6.665263157894738,23.68070175438596,7.554174236665415,0.9459922807017548,236,7,47,3,5,72,46,57,0.203,0.77,0.027000000000000003,-0.9208,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,10,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,4,1,6,10,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268627862321153,0.4789737051751393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454112935132354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39050748859972173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23636463114328785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19881298178415016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211572967535095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066891238995492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155048653770321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141900291583943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528167207027674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26864144512735033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552620001620776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,malinoise,2020/02/16,Prazosin for nightmares? I know the rules state no medical advice and I’m not asking for any. My psychiatrist suggested I possibly go on Prazosin for post-traumatic stress related nightmares I keep having. I’m just wondering if anybody has been on this and wants to share their personal experiences?,6.051923076923077,9.170483423076927,6.619846153846152,66.12515384615384,70.53846153846155,11.083076923076923,37.32307692307693,10.793553405168565,5.5038800000000005,246,14,35,9,5,80,41,52,0.106,0.85,0.044000000000000004,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,11,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,6,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28859970420175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008391524639144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761000417458805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28889606243157423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784671025938494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625089189664225,0.0,0.0,0.16230938230984174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975207563756788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25787670328719964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33294786837793394,0.2828510170827738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383073081335776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419729736231138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32028016286425404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,godlow,2020/02/16,"Was i sexually abused as a child? This has been really eating me up for the past year. i took shrooms and i had this very dark feeling that something really bad was done to me as a child but my brain wouldn't let me unlock the memory no matter what. 

I know for a fact that i was molested at age 11, but i believe something also happened when i was younger. 

I can't remember anything before age 6- my brain has completely locked those memories up but sometimes i'll get a little flash of something that i think is an early memory but it feels more like a day dream that my brain made up to keep me safe. 

I started watching porn and masturbating when i was 6 and i've realized that this is really not fucking normal. i can't masturbate now because of it. i feel so guilty and shameful. i don't even know how i found out about porn. i try so hard to remember how i found out but i'm just totally in the dark about that. 

I feel resentment and anger a lot within the intimate bonds i've tried to maintain. A few times when i'm having sex i have dissociated from what was happening and got this dark feeling and i don't know why. It's hard for me to set boundaries and say no. i just get so scared and feel so weak

Growing up i went through very chaotic and unpredictable bouts of either being really promiscuous(even if i don't want to do stuff) or completely disgusted by sex. I am a pleaser when it comes to sex and i used to have these terrible fantasies about being borderline abused while having sex. 

Gonna wrap this up because i'm definitely sharing way too much, but the last thing i wanted to say is that i have been diagnosed with a slew of mental disorders and have struggled with an eating disorder since age 12. sometimes i suspect it comes from what may have happened to me as a child but it's all just so confusing. 

anyway, thank u to anyone who reads or comments on this. it really stresses me out and i just needed to get things off my chest",3.0490510164940545,4.815066027848103,4.373371691599541,85.0270233985424,74.79746835443036,8.028385116992713,26.146912159570388,8.754623652393294,1.9249915611814337,1551,56,315,32,33,512,194,395,0.2,0.7240000000000001,0.076,-0.9954,0,0,3,0,2,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,23,17,5,5,17,0,34,15,4,4,3,70,70,39,0,6,16,0,8,1,0,3,2,2,0,3,29,20,2,2,16,3,0,5,9,13,0,0,16,11,40,4,44,48,7,37,0,0,1,7,8,14,1,6,17,218,69,1,0.0,0.2056839952999127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941270786064603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060691510803111574,0.0,0.07142774794227635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247309975829047,0.10582308756484324,0.0,0.07385910789854283,0.0977921562228934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906874070553959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953839843472058,0.18201309601004292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055977834718399316,0.0,0.0,0.08809862346091013,0.0,0.0,0.19895714088759608,0.0,0.0,0.08882497412835197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763301520939306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465914619912927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26332749707981645,0.062008846777716176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034009202430394,0.0,0.08024379005499177,0.1360458597123692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942066841152161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302668102534085,0.0,0.15550876651177406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715047135365162,0.0,0.0,0.1431065131001441,0.07075234070182516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875731988181558,0.0,0.04240534976871211,0.08699487317669351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379295818664469,0.0,0.0821308142801699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747244602142197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638068651480428,0.06435996824566388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850440749226875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285896436252806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682196235225469,0.0,0.2780266234784704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665150014133148,0.0,0.0,0.138051259850322,0.08690041404220722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180059419069365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046511636072276,0.17169181935174696,0.0,0.06143640625906484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942735807856147,0.09074061042176297,0.09936348575043366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799123726124974,0.0,0.0,0.11533009782625984,0.055616957019700215,0.0,0.0,0.05061288788506373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964362977358981,0.11786093174580407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496601241855845,0.0,0.1432356617398731,0.10239197702652966,0.06889658809031833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046305448728495,0.07832212165209318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589537110375858
ptsd,royalmouse1,2020/02/16,"Do I have ptsd? 23F I was molested as a kid and I dont think I developed ptsd from it, but eventually I became promiscuous and getting raped. I also developed an eating djsorder. After that I slept with over 40 people in a few months. I ended up attempting suicide and in a coma for 2 weeks with a tracheotomy. 

My heart had stopped and nnow thinking of all the hookups and sex makes me feel so guilty and horrible about myself. I dont really avoid talking about it and I havent avoided sexual situations but they make me feel bad during it and I get angry after and blame the guy. My psychiatrist thinks i have it but isnt avoidance important?",2.4429618413082963,4.875172944881894,4.572755905511811,79.67828588734103,79.39370078740156,8.317141126589945,25.51726226529377,9.057496981413335,2.46219491217444,512,20,96,14,13,176,83,127,0.301,0.643,0.057,-0.9898,0,3,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,6,2,3,7,0,9,6,2,2,1,26,19,15,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,11,1,4,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,2,18,0,14,16,2,10,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,6,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580710979507785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522357150345055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273725746351639,0.0,0.0,0.18656638928324368,0.0,0.0,0.1614879076896104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438036522007006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051702217669933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805327343790846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160587785430988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24340983361198615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455319451503131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264028220241806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42626181241621897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680356426049625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049435720047036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243382227297667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943651959322672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654781133474246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35048399674537983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462519962082265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,melind64,2020/02/16,"Why are such subs ALLOWED? Have you ever heard of the antipsychiatry movement?

It's   basically a scientology cult that denies the existence of mental   illness and anything that has to do with psychology and psychiatry.   Things like these could greatly affect us. Some people need help out   there and they just oppose it. It's sick.

This subreddit: [r/antipsychiatry](https://www.reddit.com/r/antipsychiatry/) describes it.

Are they just schizophrenics who are unmedicated or what?? Because  the most common symptom of schizophrenia is usually DENIAL.

I  suffer from schizophrenia and I find it offensive for me and everybody  else affected with mental illness. Because they say it's all a myth.

Imagine  if a person with schizophrenia or any delusional disorder actually  believes them and stops or won't take treatment at all, it can harm him  and the people around him. This is very serious. Or what if someone is  suicidal and needs help? This can cause a lot of damage people.

I am trying to spread this on many mental health communities because maybe something can be achieved.

Have   you ever heard about cases where people died because they were  following  their conspiracy cure instead of having a real medical care?  Whether it was a cancer cure or whatever. Similar things can happen  here!

Check the most upvoted posts of [r/antipsychiatry](https://www.reddit.com/r/antipsychiatry/) and you'll see what I mean.

THIS IS NOT ONLY OFFENSIVE BUT ALSO DAMAGING.",7.121516304347821,10.493510162500002,6.818731884057971,64.76119565217394,68.20833333333334,9.173913043478262,32.934782608695656,9.653516015845867,3.9858206521739135,1189,54,163,30,23,373,151,240,0.158,0.8029999999999999,0.039,-0.9758,1,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,1,3,6,1,12,10,2,0,11,0,23,8,0,4,4,47,33,19,2,5,12,0,0,1,0,2,8,3,0,1,22,14,0,2,3,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,4,4,17,3,18,25,6,13,0,3,1,0,19,5,0,11,6,125,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.12023250506702428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985287948901898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378515629913133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138907043652144,0.10968057571132364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30042398894034433,0.0,0.0,0.13881238175722693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256180047205659,0.12656778677700714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837096523603699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278696756327297,0.0,0.14120618493812284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292384941515396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289602631786365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260919621682315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583643026133166,0.0,0.0,0.10895176602256043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096354741769906,0.0,0.0,0.1651664478017556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601928398758957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474639969541448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491281535894334,0.12377824478827595,0.13420881684346772,0.0,0.12411834430366313,0.3724917940050959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271323237085213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370466705776304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416655811164591,0.10757982009859764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799848976113615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402368262467961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797935194685313,0.0,0.0,0.09818022812672624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043931047750696,0.09485096193143412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300677950595233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476873631355465,0.0,0.0,0.12805951001538238,0.09263652015287864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163706847112236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364963655403568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482031540161112,0.0,0.1356953814601004,0.1016588861859539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117538124454547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,wow-another-teenager,2020/02/16,"I flinch very very easily and I am unable to cry in front of my close friends even though I want and I have never cried during a movie or book, I rarely cry. Could this be related to my trauma? Idk anyone else that has the same problems. 17F At school I’ll be chillin and even the slightest unexpected noise or movement will make me go “ah” and jump. For example my phone buzzing or my pencil breaking. Or if one of my friends make a sudden movement towards me I will flinch hard. And if I am in PE and we a playing with anything that goes into the air and it is in my direction or I can see it’s shadow I will cover my head and crouch when it is definitely not going to hit me. It’s so bad sometimes my friends will joke about it with me. Like it’s funny but i am kinda concerned sometimes like is that something really wrong with me? 

I feel so weird not being able to cry because I know I want to but I just can’t. I want to get emotional support from them and I know it would make me feel better but it rarely happens and when I does it’s a lot I have only cried once in front of a non family member. I only cry about once every 6 months if that. A lot of the time I just feel kinda numb, empty and isolated because sometimes all I want to do is cry on a friends shoulder. I crave comfort and emotional support. And I know this sounds super strange and I apologize but when ever an male teacher or something like that is nice all I want to do is cry on them and them telling everything’s going to be okay. It’s so weird I know!!

I would guess this is from my parents never actually emotionally supporting me. Like I’d be crying bc I was being bullied in elementary school and they never told me anything except that I needed to shut up and do my chores. There are a lot of things I don’t remember. I do remember my dad screaming at me a lot while I was younger calling a pig, slob, stupid, etc all the time because I had undiagnosed ADHD which made it really hard for me to make my bed  , keep my room clean, do elementary school math. To this day my dad and I never have conversations he is usually yelling, lecturing, or silent. There is no in between and when I gets upset in general even if it’s not at me I get really really anxious. 

Idk can anyone relate??",2.0013011114510064,3.8489394946466864,3.831225145304376,87.39884546752322,78.03640256959315,6.845905985520548,24.395278882430915,7.793537801064563,1.2544045477719998,1772,62,373,28,42,597,206,467,0.166,0.6859999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9520000000000001,1,0,2,0,2,0,34.0,1,0,4,2,18,28,1,1,16,2,42,3,2,5,8,88,75,43,0,14,21,3,5,4,4,6,1,3,4,1,24,25,0,1,9,4,0,8,10,10,1,1,5,9,66,18,43,56,9,44,0,0,1,0,20,19,0,18,20,260,90,7,0.060460563789746666,0.0,0.059000788717614126,0.0,0.07266184840708488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830322766713877,0.0,0.08455086395983863,0.061948992501465815,0.09950778485012482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048204532500182,0.11056859553469582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347245539642979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061736995525611224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048272840465261285,0.0,0.5977178128230997,0.03899206186674019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290944680895678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050704291623827,0.20402998948217047,0.0,0.0,0.06742951065382627,0.11980089649791024,0.05469004138042748,0.050940632635595576,0.0,0.05433805621456594,0.0,0.05699683868859285,0.0,0.0917120330663234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684672642018071,0.0,0.09476444748719362,0.0,0.103083395147857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660412739863908,0.0,0.05346507688519473,0.0,0.10832157898123387,0.0,0.06204998132135571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053740127091428364,0.0,0.0,0.13291017871400898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815190994652035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560563697528444,0.0,0.05720924733313276,0.16143158325451154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048259045189550834,0.0,0.0,0.0448307419570751,0.1865236562807221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877705443348014,0.040969642755621836,0.09196596643890066,0.0,0.0,0.06713430106318563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057852594169292074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549303413797123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369800653825169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356795517201616,0.04817924148484599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309099168247932,0.17939113068201745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582979389552447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052845197659460184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040167312045571314,0.0,0.05940219694837675,0.0,0.07051008191355145,0.0,0.0,0.057772659681642725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658876921029278,0.09977259413803036,0.17830603501192588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589889963583201,0.06610413524577644,0.0,0.0
ptsd,drycherri,2020/02/16,"feeling like I’ll never be “healed” (This is about sexual and emotional abuse if that is a trigger for you please be weary)

Vent/ So, when I was 14 I was sexually/emotionally abuse by my first boyfriend (19 at the time).  And ever since I realized what exactly happened I always waited for the 7 year mark of surviving after.  Stemming from the old idea if every 7 years you’re skin has completely regenerated and you have basically new skin.  (I’ve never looked up if this is true and I don’t want to know)

It was comforting to me, the idea of having skin he’s never touched.  But I just turned 21 in December and I feel... no different.  If anything I feel worse, because I was so excited.  This meant so much to me and now I just feel the exact same as before; if not worse.

I feel permanently ruined, I’ve become almost disablingly mentally ill from this and I think about it almost every day.  Sometimes I just can’t believe this is going to be the rest of my life.",3.1568128272251315,4.963023356020943,4.9431119109947685,80.8849296465969,74.6020942408377,8.33520942408377,25.550065445026174,9.017664075816787,2.0749290575916235,755,26,148,17,16,257,117,191,0.11599999999999999,0.7809999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.7521,1,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,0,2,0,2,11,5,0,0,7,0,16,6,3,1,7,41,30,18,0,6,10,0,9,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,11,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,5,10,19,4,19,22,3,18,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,7,15,101,28,0,0.0,0.302454052959554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25561674548616503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062028413441471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503302324234898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780532871313349,0.14096322356097704,0.1086082876760454,0.14380133930274994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382324302793547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823142459956246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335178184325794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871451938451379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545348730428022,0.21507658560194584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32268135654467633,0.09118272425582448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856656911906748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253811451216338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286752431670855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28816956353858586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701450540329044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015262699057013,0.062356188122527724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071815537557072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862641929377244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382667301133199,0.0,0.2953207664338297,0.12327102274787112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393183617083845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010529336554206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558128592462594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262346313022963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178358281769911,0.0,0.0,0.07442520284820398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388306165625179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528264023911778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601426651323394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438596991816892
ptsd,Dom1n2k,2020/02/16,"What to do. -help- Current situation (severely psychologically abused by biological father for multiple years. Moved away but my younger 8 year old sister is there and I can't forgive myself for leaving her behind after I couldn't take it anymore) 

Anyone else have some nights where you wake up sweating and dehydrated multiple times some nights. I Just keep on having the same dream every time. In my case it's me witnessing my sister being abused the way I have and the guilt of me leaving her in the hands of my father makes me space out during the day with the fright of my sister suffering what I have.

How does anyone else experience *flashbacks*
For me Atleast I just space out and can picture me being back where I was and losing complete train of thought and start to panic. Or in a dream reliving what has been done to me. 

Does anyone know any way I can try to avoid these thoughts and how to live a more normal life",3.520628115653043,6.006346745762713,4.137254901960784,83.94502492522435,75.89265536723164,6.65058158856763,23.97108673978066,7.724431198458867,1.2775419740777667,742,24,138,11,17,235,110,177,0.159,0.8140000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.9768,1,1,0,0,2,1,13.0,0,1,0,1,8,7,0,4,8,0,16,4,3,3,0,28,23,11,0,2,4,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,2,4,2,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,1,23,1,24,15,4,27,0,2,0,0,10,12,0,3,12,98,29,1,0.0,0.3154310120529586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052046785620073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201096130778808,0.2792242242436159,0.2727771752020842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506275105590894,0.10235462117188128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395650035814054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584598442874294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329737556540676,0.13621940513178965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22239536008880084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215228296905776,0.0,0.0,0.13020870887123928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922191465385307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831572614077596,0.0,0.0,0.07315466652737272,0.0,0.0,0.2818919767414036,0.0,0.0,0.0940206755128891,0.0,0.0,0.11754000133894785,0.0,0.0,0.14891785688416787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885304161226637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147658876300495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498324808763989,0.13042112772486747,0.0,0.0,0.1396782559734058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561778084406635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037824464849936,0.0,0.0,0.14962304078912722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421709148996567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000833741345647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135151902130128,0.15523691500867454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903740539653438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21131562012529764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143904124018886
ptsd,Yaboykitten,2020/02/16,"Just wished I had someone who cared in my childhood I've just been thinking back, my mom never cared (Or if she did she certainly didn't show it well), I was just used as a pseudo caregiver for her, my brother might have ment well early on, but went to jail for being a pedo. My sister disliked me during my childhood, cuz I didn't like her husband and she didn't like my mom. Whenever I tried to reach to someone, whether it be a teacher, I was always told I was overdramatic, that all the kids who used to bully me when I was little were saints who could do no wrong. Having to live with my grandma and my cousins and other family members who would constantly try to argue and bully me so much so that I had to sneak around the house to avoid talking to anyone. Trying to talk to my therapist in private but since I was so young my mom had control over whether or not she came in so she did, and it became a therapy session for her and my old therapists refused to acknowledge me or listen to me, if I said anything bad about my mom i'd get an earful and the therapist wouldn't do anything. My mom would threaten me years ago that because of my uncontrollable anxiety if I didn't go to school that she would force me in a mental hospital to stay there forever. No one ever listened to me in my childhood, or cared. All I got was people hurting me emotionally or mentally, or even being bullied by grown adults, even my own teachers. I've been reminded of that tonight, and it really hurts.",7.061616499442586,5.840987224080268,7.496374581939801,76.82072686733558,64.7190635451505,10.515139353400224,35.31794871794872,9.558583805096642,3.1455790858416943,1176,46,232,19,15,388,155,299,0.19399999999999998,0.769,0.037000000000000005,-0.9952,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,17,15,1,2,9,0,31,1,1,4,5,48,47,28,0,9,17,9,0,2,0,5,0,4,0,2,14,11,0,3,2,1,0,4,9,7,2,1,23,4,46,8,33,15,4,28,1,2,0,0,32,9,0,10,16,179,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032589711325233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540003446072506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932123410481163,0.0,0.0,0.06336103544031331,0.0,0.14913901495957851,0.08066773347146734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967835398722241,0.07566083924242961,0.055238865476188254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036409256289042,0.277168121838276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979240461145276,0.10163390423131233,0.07234975521898496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193115945455897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970244486823076,0.08196764616819134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542499856297492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04734328532759358,0.0,0.051499340928269424,0.0,0.07247414627363588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455906287665702,0.1940132819971743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854111008277944,0.0908213549067136,0.08001586764900996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263986772034888,0.09612959184271973,0.0,0.5306436735390251,0.0,0.0,0.06661341908419192,0.0,0.06988888961367276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508658087541773,0.0,0.061403961238029776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282194421192994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805113272173431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861968679317107,0.0,0.0,0.0917085500855806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495875342287335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535578218410986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965849365184822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566792545644994,0.0,0.0,0.10362765522310463,0.3156375831713349,0.0,0.0580632766951476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658777370526849,0.0,0.1845675921036236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652680603323282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629499022549269,0.08400223325373775,0.0,0.0,0.104204291938562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931136940254722,0.0990747169194721,0.0,0.05835393686184427
ptsd,FuzzyPanda101,2020/02/16,"Relationships with PTSD? Hi guys, so ive been diagnosed with PTSD but most likely have had it since a child. Ive learnt over the years that I cant trust anyone and as such have very few friends as I feel like anyone who knows me too well will just use their knowledge of me against me.

 So what im asking is, does anyone else have this problem and if so how do you go about starting and maintaining a relationship (with friends or something more).  You see I do get lovely and would like to be in a relationship with someone, but I just cant bring myself to trust anyone.",5.214720496894408,5.406343739130438,5.284968944099379,86.43304347826088,68.13043478260869,8.310559006211179,27.732919254658388,7.957251820313856,1.4211614906832302,450,13,97,5,7,141,78,115,0.08800000000000001,0.73,0.182,0.9215,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,0,10,10,0,0,4,0,15,2,0,2,0,22,25,14,0,3,6,0,1,3,2,2,1,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,2,13,9,13,20,3,6,0,0,1,1,14,2,0,3,5,68,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195431246658307,0.15369608698682471,0.0,0.0,0.14023281789976402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225017171451655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312688812329237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530849248787648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758461654915354,0.1071623732454276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317843241469991,0.0,0.07837052267317861,0.0,0.0852503208838431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852683073940431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620292831546128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243787979513707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21985207703382167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538381677130892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353288062992453,0.350691614355509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831421568651878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953319321599795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408426335500995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709729241400572,0.11547985348576552,0.0,0.0,0.10617309368761836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295546719699018,0.0,0.12376841566210325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487096344176647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655802634876567,0.0,0.0,0.09659719430655854
ptsd,Zach0416,2020/02/17,Sleep! Regular 8 hr sleep can keep symptoms away for a longer than average time.,2.4160000000000004,5.3415896000000025,3.068333333333332,86.4225,86.33333333333334,8.333333333333334,27.5,8.841846274778883,2.9370000000000007,64,3,12,2,2,20,14,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526282201537612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336042392556214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7511879089732844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901042024786593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21885380170950272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,j00mie,2020/02/17,Sitting outside target afraid to get out of my car and go in. Anyone else have this problem... When I go in public I have tunnel vision and im in and out as fast as possible. I get so nervous you bet your ass im using self checkout. My trauma therapy has been helping but rn I feel super anxious for some reason.. im always worried I'll see someone I know or someone with screw with me. Im just paranoid about normal daily things and it's so annoying. Sighhhhh someday I'll be get through this fear.,-0.025501618122977014,2.32514010679612,2.6685825242718484,88.16047896440134,94.53398058252426,4.3000647249190935,23.37152103559871,6.079149491110277,0.7841746278317157,393,17,75,4,15,136,73,103,0.22399999999999998,0.701,0.075,-0.9416,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,5,8,2,3,0,0,5,2,1,2,0,19,14,11,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,7,0,0,1,2,10,1,14,12,1,11,0,0,1,2,5,5,2,3,2,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960119120700964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595956817833505,0.0,0.10890798297249472,0.15959008588528487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011387258030888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526842659001302,0.07875474452320494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441277202852807,0.0,0.17703906844117487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439973954499088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6729713871451378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559924051829966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260748234853247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559111038283967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903713683391046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014276543179998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411709982648253,0.0,0.16248712839662313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26394254024017016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812017799407395,0.0,0.10347714337698202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452288624816394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817743910071352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,myvibeiztremendous,2020/02/17,"NSFW/ trigger ⚠️ *sigh* going back to be admitted to the hospital, again, tonight for my night terrors. 😞 Groaning in my sleep. Profusely sweating. Legs up and arms up in uncomfortable positions, leading to pain in the morning. Terrible dreams that feature a person or past events that trigger me. Suicidal ideations. 

I have PTSD. I was already hospitalized for 8 days last week for what I thought was borderline personality disorder. It was actually a nice week, once I got used to it. 

I don’t want to go back to the hospital because I was just getting used to being back home with my love. But I know this is what I need to do to be safe. 

Thank you for reading.",2.020357142857144,4.801463793650797,3.6828373015873015,82.68473214285716,85.66666666666666,7.276984126984128,30.097222222222207,8.278499904357787,2.802969841269842,522,28,97,13,16,173,86,126,0.145,0.725,0.13,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,1,5,0,11,6,4,5,0,16,24,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,7,2,0,1,3,2,0,3,1,3,1,0,6,0,13,4,19,15,0,20,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,12,63,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.16689158950045366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872565885205114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945132186315843,0.0,0.10425266655296528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029424053949227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960046048984945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893512872907775,0.0,0.1943900755820821,0.0,0.13678092299765252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154776418022372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398853586743754,0.13940474338379974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154352910944604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680972485825934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049139586273792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213152546530084,0.0,0.0,0.1819781440812634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325866465231528,0.0,0.2986574581377832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991411385259006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710670383726508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114426687270726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706895116090674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745293635138222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577137843105413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954140490632926,0.0,0.0,0.10087247390230207,0.0,0.2743650720706923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,spitblossom,2020/02/17,"Suggestions needed! I feel disrespected but also embarrassed Long back-story short: abusive childhood, specifically sexual. I started dealing with the trauma when I was 16, I’m 21 now and have made leaps and bounds. My ptsd has greatly improved through 5 years of therapy and years of meditation practice, now almost nonexistent in my daily life! 
However, I’ve been having an issue lately. I feel like I dealt with it well, maybe there is no further advice but I’d like to know what you all think. This isn’t common in my life normally-but it keeps occurring lately. 
Three times this week, I’ve had three people in my life (one a coworker, one a friend in the hallway at my Uni, another student that sits next to me, all males and I’m a female) scare me, on purpose, to get my attention. First off: they all touched my physical body without consent and without me seeing them, that is my biggest trigger. Second: it was really aggressive, loud (I have a hearing deficit and perceive sounds differently) and just overall a massive disturbance to the state I was in. I immediately screamed all three times (blood curdling, it happens before I even know I’m doing it) and started crying. They were all pretty shocked, my coworker started laughing. I immediately looked them all in the eye and said “Do not ever do that to me again, you do not have the right to touch me, absolutely not cool.” And then sobbed for a minute before I could pull myself together. They all felt really bad but they also had no idea why my reaction was so severe. Two of them immediately reached out to comfort me with a hand on the shoulder and I had to remind them not to touch me, that they do not have the right/permission to do that. I really don’t like physical touch from people in public settings. I don’t know a better way to handle this or something else to say without it getting really personal. I cannot control this reaction and they don’t understand my reaction at all. I don’t understand why I’m attracting this attention, I’m not friends with rowdy people, I wish I could stop it from happening or at least stop my reaction, but it’s a really deep part of who I am at this point. Advice wanted, please!",5.192491987179487,6.644971213942312,6.1280961538461565,75.82523717948717,68.83173076923077,9.488974358974358,31.65512820512821,9.80755857964246,3.228843205128205,1739,74,309,41,30,575,207,416,0.157,0.726,0.11599999999999999,-0.9565,2,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,0,2,10,3,12,21,1,3,17,1,32,8,5,3,9,68,62,23,0,5,16,0,8,3,2,0,3,6,0,2,21,17,0,5,13,0,0,1,17,9,1,8,12,18,51,12,42,48,10,49,0,1,3,0,23,21,1,3,26,220,72,1,0.0,0.1065420012223303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574004917540828,0.0,0.0,0.0900431630641001,0.0,0.0,0.14382001467738592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429029224685104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914390632063057,0.07508050465253799,0.0,0.0,0.15303275595230756,0.0,0.0,0.07952805616982264,0.0,0.0998822599587692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085435075659899,0.1435896346833742,0.0,0.0987742930022681,0.0,0.0927048812075994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394858865418633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511768285625474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939215093856244,0.08133893703940437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093379214991973,0.06423977344035513,0.08633852098716305,0.0,0.0,0.07648698654624868,0.0,0.0,0.1389459006859422,0.0,0.09396030469383096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913851791083647,0.0,0.0,0.15903416464146686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013478068610779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151016886810273,0.0,0.09385444387124237,0.0,0.07992615663925311,0.0,0.0,0.14825513547038194,0.0,0.20287021909464256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054215741608968,0.1317929716496533,0.0,0.0,0.07957749452211556,0.07551121976718153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508568012469524,0.0,0.0,0.09033800221565168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667548250898422,0.0,0.0,0.09563229105532277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186595981691928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737597292699196,0.0,0.1870202599619153,0.07851578476532935,0.0,0.0987065518940338,0.08500466551815898,0.0,0.0,0.09148225913389504,0.0,0.0,0.105113152925584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880293414690991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358454695991808,0.08553571978027652,0.07150900328569944,0.09002687842197689,0.0,0.07165561025054605,0.0,0.0,0.1015854403210195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922578700138586,0.0,0.0,0.19094021373528755,0.0,0.0,0.1503564166894255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283280925790678,0.0,0.0,0.057617919120396516,0.0,0.0,0.10486763163178242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784001497172603,0.18722242716768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053037894978705584,0.07137531884121467,0.07212941903459287,0.0,0.08085002107352242,0.0,0.16227992010025594,0.0,0.10340502304817416,0.2600426870458259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581269972465925
ptsd,belyyrusskiy,2020/02/17,"I desperately need guidance from those who understand... Let me try to summarize all of this. My significant other, my soul mate... we saved each other’s lives and changed each other’s lives. He is looking at a ten year sentence in prison for a vengeful crime he committed during a dissociative episode. No one is addressing his worsening mental health/substance abuse struggles and I fear they are even worse than I thought. I mean, they usually are... I’m very ill, I have a stupid high maintenance blood disorder that has knocked me out of work for the first time in my life. I have exhausted all credit lines and overdrawn my debit account. I can’t afford my rent or my medications any more, much less the outstanding bail that’s been placed to free my partner. I have no family in this country, and my friends have all distanced themselves. I feel very little will to live... I’ve seen hundreds of professionals throughout my life, undergone all available treatments and still experience no relief. I suffer from several neurological and physiological disorders due to my condition, and without love I know I will lose my fight. I do not feel sorry for myself, I’m used to feeling a baseline of misery, but I truly have nothing substantial to look forward to, I’m not seeing any not wisdom or spirituality... everything seems to have failed like some melodramatic romance film. I don’t mean to sound like a complete whining nuisance, I am just reaching out to the only possible people who could help... people who who not live with PTSD typically have a very tiny perspective of it, I’ve learned there isn’t much to take from a decision making standpoint. The dynamic we experience, the repetitive unpredictability that we are constantly afflicted by ends up affecting every aspect of out lives if we aren’t careful... I feel like hope is the only thing I have left to lose. Is the sun shining on any of you today? What’s keeping you all alive? Why does this feel like a curse?",5.266306555863341,7.556385570637122,5.80604709141274,74.86881209602956,70.02493074792244,9.023859649122807,32.254939981532786,9.558583805096642,3.3689677931671294,1585,73,268,38,30,511,212,361,0.171,0.693,0.136,-0.8585,3,0,0,0,2,0,51.0,4,2,2,5,4,25,2,2,16,0,27,8,1,3,6,55,53,11,0,4,10,0,5,4,3,2,6,1,2,1,17,17,0,1,13,1,5,1,12,10,0,3,3,11,41,16,38,46,12,24,1,5,5,1,21,14,0,6,15,176,58,5,0.0,0.1089289914713404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875586653369585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373476300728052,0.0,0.0972559771501448,0.0,0.09639302734294294,0.0993500319702893,0.0,0.07340332409919062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073298067072724,0.0,0.08045371340477883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814279070007584,0.0,0.0,0.06072278565099142,0.0,0.07745994913763751,0.0,0.08262604629839726,0.17986187529015898,0.08666897125929096,0.10345343147498072,0.2324277316906445,0.1313580306906916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820061768671382,0.0,0.0,0.07102943748546978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977235477278759,0.0,0.0,0.061622686476715226,0.09713531121496824,0.0,0.0913130789035552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817168396971077,0.0,0.0,0.05052555862776773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988860916606336,0.09401067230659173,0.12987407033210385,0.17966092020178526,0.09214391022011044,0.4059053585143991,0.0,0.15440597923151944,0.20570548034436567,0.0,0.0,0.0829757265534774,0.0,0.061367917815006966,0.0,0.0,0.20029026361776608,0.0,0.09261573302362112,0.09264974956122707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351669090128195,0.06816929457156101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821496216477588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062298135689428186,0.13984276822218222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274735351231576,0.0,0.09605343333940894,0.0,0.0,0.1036438978715746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074681309454965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326099818199662,0.08369497776603038,0.0,0.10386138269778844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291469750223993,0.0,0.0,0.07342011733735003,0.0,0.0,0.0961113494934201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912434472801048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061078117547198614,0.0,0.0,0.07298682416509156,0.05360855446952082,0.0,0.08714447016994536,0.0,0.0,0.062418431780376725,0.0,0.0,0.09570849964435182,0.0,0.07940308739602764,0.10125438985151028,0.2275702028245421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829578374245219,0.0,0.0,0.0886229133875836,0.0,0.06693041997673417,0.0,0.09369052216113556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920369636315899
ptsd,medic17506,2020/02/17,"New Here...Struggling I feel guilty even writing this...

I have not been diagnosed with PTSD - I'll say that starting out...but feel like I might.  
I have not spoken to my doctor about it, but it's getting worse.  Maybe someone could enlighten me as to what I should do.

Probably this biggest is ANGER over petty things and things that don't concern me at all such as scenes on a TV show (this happened on Valentine's Day) with my wife and I - not angry at her, but over a scene in the movie we were watching.  This particular scene was a sexual assault scene (not graphic) but intense anger.  It reminded me of a call I had as a Paramedic.

 War scenes, I'm a veteran, but never deployed (lots of friends did, my unit deployed not long after I got out).  Other 

Symptoms are crying for no apparent reason (or should I say stupid reasons) - sirens and various other things...it's totally random.

My kids set me off, BIG.  They are 9 years old with fairly extreme ADHD (they are adopted...so no biological ties/issues)...they are just kids doing kid things I love them but I BLOW UP on them over stupid crap - I've never physically abuse them, but I am frustrated and scared of myself at these rages.

All that to say, does PTSD sound logical here?  I've read up a little on this, but how do I get help? Cause, perhaps from my years in EMS as a Paramedic?  My current primary care physician is an APN, she's treating my high blood pressure, but she is the referral queen...refers EVERYTHING out.",2.9758741258741246,5.111082951048953,3.8832167832167848,86.81405594405598,76.13286713286713,6.777622377622378,26.384615384615394,7.748469712250963,1.5372069930069934,1148,44,225,17,26,368,170,286,0.21100000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.9897,2,0,0,0,1,0,62.0,1,0,5,0,6,16,9,2,11,0,23,7,2,4,5,45,33,18,1,3,15,1,2,1,1,3,4,4,0,3,18,10,0,0,6,3,0,0,10,11,0,0,6,7,34,5,34,23,5,33,0,0,1,1,21,21,1,4,12,152,52,3,0.0,0.15656927079637714,0.0,0.0,0.15881165109714446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493400468248132,0.0,0.1347298207216253,0.1357484960816869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550639249482252,0.0,0.14515420070363272,0.08522207816743657,0.0,0.0,0.13412358325038004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525519000885874,0.1156402815311215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727999903131255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187626879032608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363215787501287,0.09440384419560548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020942825409601,0.0,0.13807978281747504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056877898111662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685468127102652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857347301073246,0.13961760446031596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455898215582158,0.13244320576754176,0.0,0.11694346028971482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234427487995624,0.11926530141147633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275661213262058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018411557339572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383550977578374,0.1276256935762655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866311077995186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247379970683666,0.0,0.3089390008795408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321799619341486,0.0,0.0,0.2717324961471738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31525911954067243,0.13229939878066355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196535339186377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353234620229928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814581134169174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373484228192565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26337220780648674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466623106632078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701930669296385
ptsd,throwaway4590a,2020/02/17,"Did/does anyone feel horrified by decisions made when in a PTSD fog? In therapy, I just want to see if anyone else feels this way.

Without going into too much detail. Multiple people and events in my life left me believing that only one thing made me worth anything. It led me to do things that I didn’t want to do. Now that I’m healing, I am struggling with these decisions. We are talking about anything illegal, just poor life decisions that makes life impossibly difficult now.",4.291,6.65657982222222,5.055277777777778,78.85625000000002,73.0,8.944444444444445,29.027777777777786,9.516144504307137,3.0274444444444444,384,16,67,10,8,124,66,90,0.163,0.789,0.047,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,4,0,19,15,3,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,0,2,2,2,2,0,1,3,3,8,0,11,12,1,12,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,4,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530208804016638,0.18538413315518845,0.2977798942605385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384611567969874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114377153167072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829672559458014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282667013902366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658093922805425,0.0,0.3833885606237267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424006201573866,0.12077215833977907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300434427973018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122602828573023,0.1376053934020908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543405834978982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149744995675376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417775912225414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891472862784771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542465447867628,0.0,0.0,0.2069091861922732,0.0,0.2404036619180208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134343652884584,0.14361378671092007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744100322980228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kansasrules,2020/02/17,"The moment that changed me and my thought process for the rest of my life Stay in my room until work, either sleeping the whole time or manic af from lack of sleep and minimal drug use. Not good i know but i have to start being honest at least w myself. 
I found this year that i enjoy dulling down my reality instead of facing problems. 

 Drugs make me feel something, while dulling down the pain
I don't want to escape as much as i want to numb my thoughts from hurting myself. When my thoughts become verbal my moods lash out on others and it makes me hate my existence that much more. 
Which triggers a wave of suicidal thoughts, self doubt, and a can't do attitude. 
I just give up
I am sick and tired of holding the weight of these ideations within the thin barriers of my skull, im growing old and tierd.
When it started, i thought i brought these thoughts into my head, and i would feel shame for it. For why am i doing this to myself?
6 years later its gotten progressively worse, i quit drinking and began a regaulr pill regimen  (also smoking marajuana) to keep myself balanced, or calm. I was less on edge, found a bit of happiness within myself and my creative side and began to feel human again. 
Now the flip side to that is the rap sheet of side effects that come along with these pills.
Stabalize your mind, sacrifice your body.
It's taking a chance everytime, adverse reactions and misdiagnosis over those 6 years didn't help. By the timei was aged 25 i had been on or around 25 different pills and different combinations within of those pills. 
By the end of my 6 years medication tweaking process, and 3 misdiagnosis, 6 hospitalizations, and pretty much a team of specialists, and a dozen doctors,  along w a cat scan of my brain in 2014.
It took hell of a toll on my body, and brain functions. My liver an kidneys wont last forever..
The runaround, a serious uphill battle im still pushing through..learning a lot about my mind and mostly thought process.
Why am i so mean to myself? 

 and as of today my diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder bi polar type, i struggle with anxiety (mostly social) and frequent panic attacks (which can be triggered by the way someone i know looks me wrong) me being called sensitive would be a huge understatement. Around the time of my first hospitalization in 2009 i witnessed my friend and roommate at the time get beat within an inch from his life with brass knuckles to the face. 
I remember nothing past the porch where he laid still, getting beat on our own front lawn repeatedly. 
My mind permanently blocked that from me.Next time i have a memory from that moment im looking over him-- laying in the blood soaked grass, in total shock. His face was a blood puddle, in panic mode i went and scooped him from his back to his feet. At that second i embraced his tall frail figure as his wounds dripped down onto my suicidal tendencies shirt (oh the irony)  my arms wrapped all the way around his body, for i just wanted him to feel safty or comfort. Grabbing him by the hand i guidedus to a safer space indoors.
Around me was a blur, friends and neighbors scolded me, for ""he could have a neck or back injury! Leave him laying!"" 
I was not only in shock, but also processing a violent and traumatic event that changed my life forever. 
I was scared, he was petrified. 
I told all the neighbors and by standers basically to fuck off and
As for my friend- now gushing blood from his cuts, eye sockets, mouth and nose. 
just like a skipping cd in your old walkman, he was stuck in a constant shuddering loop fearing for his life. 
""They're going to come back and kill me""
Over and over and over and over..
Once into our house i lead him into the bathroom, swiftly locking the door behind.
""Call 911, they're going to come back and kill me"" again and again as he ran water over his face, pressing his broken bone structure completely flat, blood pouring from all parts of his kind and beautiful face. 
He couldn't feel it, he could barely process what had happened, for it happened so fast. 
I watched him try to
Rinse all the blood away only more would streamout.&Panic struck, the ambulance was now on its way but inwas starting to expierence by first delusion. 
After that summer i didn't see my friend again until 10 years later. 
What i said to him was, i have been through so much since then that stemmed from that dark moment in our past, struggled with literal demons inside my head, woken up to images of corpses laying in my bed. 
But i will never know how you managed to stay so strong, so beautiful, and so kind even after something so awful could happen. 
I have no idea how he did it i said, how he pulled through and came out on top.
Dude, he could have been beat to death if someone hadn't stepped in. 

One of the moments that shaped me, made me grow and helped me learn so much about myself id never had gotten the chance to if our paths may not have crossed. 
Cos i usually think ""man, i wonder what life would've became if these blips in time hadn't happened at all?""
Maybe id have some sort of success, or maybe just no chronic disorder that effects almost every aspect of my life in some sort of way. Im unsure, always wonder, then feel weak minded.
Soon after we went through this i found myself laying on my bare bed, last nights last breath escapingaway as the mourning sun crept through the crack in the window where the card board had shifted.
I stayed home all alone with my thoughts that night. 
Not knowing how many sleepless nights, and waking nightmares mixed with violent hallucinations id have ahead of me. 
The mind is a very fragile thing, science knows little about mental illness as it is-so to see me, 4 or 5 days later after that night, days became weeks then into one bad blurred summer.
To explain it all in full detail wouldn't make any sense whatsoever -but i basically looked like your local circle k crack head on no sleep talking to the air. 
Sad thing is, mental illness and drug addiction look a whole lot alike. 
Your brain looses one to many days of sleep then all the sudden i think im related to  Egyptian gods, and my brother is a cannabal living on an ancient Indian burial ground, and theres a government drone disguised as a house fly watching me.
The house was alive, and teeth snapped my feet at every step.
The windows were breathing. I sawa glimpse of a body on the stain in the laundry room, had conversations with hairless rats and sat in a chair crafted from hitlers bones.
I could feel the chill air pass, i felt negative spirits, saw shadow people while christmas carolers sang outside my door.
None of this was real, this was just a snipit of the things i've seen and heard but told they weren't really there. 
I was awake, yet dreaming in gruesome splashes and disorganized thoughts. 
I was alive to exist. 
I felt pain all over.
Once admited i was so unrulyi wasn't able to be near any other patients at least half a day to a day. I spent that time in the yellow hallway in the nude and a pair of flats, pissing on myself while flooding my room. 
When they brought my food, i ripped my name badge from the tray. I ate my name for dinner, refused the meal, kicking it across the hallway.
Water began to trickle out of my room, and by the time they asked me to get dressed they saw..
I shoved all the sheets, blankets and my clothes into the toilet, and sink only to keep them running and flushing til someone decided to check on my crazy naked ass.
I just didnt want to be alone.
So i made sure they had to keep me close, and segregating an unstable lil girl who wants to die and has no clue what reality is anymore is inhumane. 
I spent the next 3 weeks there making no damn sence, i was completely detached from reality coloring with crayons, banging my head inbetween the door way and the wall. 
It hurt everywhere in a different way, but they couldnt make it stop so i would hurt myself. 
I hadn't showered in over a week, 2 nurses insisted on helping me bathe. 
Once in the water all i could do was scream, cry and fight them.
I was 20.
Life hit different for me young, and life got in the way of a lot of things but it humbled m


-unfinished.",6.350615147384801,6.634577042253525,6.04649415554913,81.62718633403553,65.70934699103714,8.84375972354164,31.96855423843157,8.525976844751913,2.3376454696900866,6428,237,1238,83,93,1997,662,1562,0.177,0.753,0.069,-0.9996,5,2,6,0,1,5,185.0,5,6,8,16,56,58,13,8,91,1,86,85,46,18,15,232,189,111,8,23,29,1,15,2,6,8,28,5,18,4,57,82,9,8,40,7,3,23,27,40,0,8,81,36,170,17,212,85,39,234,4,7,15,4,83,104,5,26,99,801,227,10,0.03603381430870855,0.0,0.0,0.03928217638724977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03608265995647887,0.07464032878804325,0.0,0.05763245656803138,0.029983020113524942,0.039042622748717115,0.0,0.0490084587641312,0.0,0.027565769317275075,0.0,0.03573586121949587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831093738808969,0.033686752171265766,0.04099366578649052,0.033854954703664134,0.11083111587512187,0.030086729814342444,0.0,0.03979651687095858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03933959254902655,0.16010177782009985,0.0,0.12067696159921752,0.07358910646230897,0.04121308405149892,0.0,0.0,0.07623799525068826,0.0931198211249462,0.07556153746134878,0.038939752020656984,0.0,0.17262041176408546,0.0,0.03958145300054903,0.11619414613018107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037397410246846056,0.15059066618470054,0.08259574604209488,0.036882135828412085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03529941980615302,0.12536335385760686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031915264074790395,0.0,0.0,0.023799994507905438,0.0,0.060720085361509024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04054805909399698,0.12753845446622256,0.0,0.06919622518607829,0.0,0.0,0.06130068808620984,0.04357223129431192,0.11852765248082014,0.1113585421966683,0.03331268068725291,0.05647854220638265,0.034566918121650116,0.04095769414243136,0.030223453829404456,0.028819533054256875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745833195876688,0.03835866537767468,0.0,0.03557593152623124,0.14792435694565886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245811851276236,0.0,0.0361448537692692,0.0,0.0,0.12473455115919505,0.11572483045963965,0.040677790303579715,0.19461351443492853,0.0,0.0,0.09608552943401397,0.07973215335766794,0.07504734513955702,0.09901620989205168,0.08811710409218174,0.0,0.03815460648087051,0.0,0.0,0.20361398954186016,0.035208603065939155,0.036115348360006516,0.03181851820467119,0.0,0.1210373146851152,0.0,0.0,0.09190398103161053,0.0,0.06819213272016111,0.1202642542910835,0.0730652639564722,0.07240161949385363,0.03925138745682639,0.0,0.036300276966490415,0.07262721915920589,0.0,0.1819194018300675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324449981035716,0.0,0.05558299801812914,0.0,0.07664474062404404,0.13526117492479214,0.0,0.034575416666551964,0.0,0.07562285315397321,0.11512450866688953,0.07325233541407518,0.08221601858289967,0.07668503799454984,0.08455583434451208,0.0,0.0390211094267611,0.06879670613747779,0.024981309761312864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036659343542040514,0.0,0.03447949382051371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038326397007187166,0.0,0.041014369489217,0.023084184144707462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04081928723947359,0.0,0.06855281813605905,0.0,0.03607613427274843,0.0,0.057428569380750125,0.0,0.037591127006874,0.0,0.0,0.029807543559326324,0.0,0.1442393499938349,0.036731935842490085,0.09159400178886463,0.05548118141546108,0.0,0.0,0.07651475769818497,0.11522175480459325,0.05755330130742028,0.030125882249477633,0.0,0.07534073299067863,0.0,0.07883028865800888,0.0,0.03396144354328203,0.0,0.027092943896626896,0.028962615004713307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575706032536374,0.04617802645473841,0.0,0.2574614119049806,0.1470812482976659,0.041415568759638255,0.034155842641339126,0.06886370753431738,0.04003489355294952,0.024464594593920468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031121646078589256,0.03968615564210228,0.029731670571004724,0.10626838641606297,0.2002137519357904,0.0867124569368192,0.04387947826191264,0.0,0.06680741374302054,0.06502982542465416,0.0804609336679544,0.0,0.0,0.07815426903637357,0.02623304597739695,0.0,0.036721535235454274,0.12798693912133516,0.03939731926363575,0.0,0.11602297499899687
ptsd,HeatedSeatz,2020/02/17,"PTSD project Dear all whom may be reading this,

I am a student who is doing a research project of post traumatic stress disorder from topics such as war to birth trauma. I highly doubt I will get any responses as it is a very hard thing to talk about, but I would appreciated if anyone would be willing to share their thoughts and stories about their lives and trauma.

Many thanks,

HeatedSeatz",11.125159817351594,8.435786082191782,9.417808219178085,70.88187214611875,58.04109589041096,12.473059360730595,42.141552511415526,10.504223727775694,4.2753141552511424,316,13,57,5,3,96,57,73,0.20600000000000002,0.6409999999999999,0.153,-0.1263,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,3,8,1,2,3,0,11,0,0,0,1,10,14,6,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,3,9,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,1,40,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934741792942118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741260016247361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854073904160438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010672759031133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230799610355195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631115035043526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198960765624016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524750645783652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23849975870757945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911001278339958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24909515280737415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852604604043439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015908237954388,0.0,0.2292713056443941,0.0,0.0,0.16544297988085938,0.0,0.0,0.19770022664143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547398424260846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538043548474339,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Aphex_1998,2020/02/17,"Any coping mechanisms I feel as though I am further towards my journey with CPTSD, but more recently with no explanation I have found myself feeling extremely irritable and with just a huge swathe of anger running through me. Has anyone got a way to reduce this? Thanks!",6.0593749999999975,8.560409520833336,6.052500000000002,73.0425,68.375,8.966666666666667,34.91666666666667,9.516144504307137,3.803066666666666,219,11,34,5,4,69,43,48,0.221,0.623,0.156,-0.7063,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,8,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,6,1,8,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528418053910991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599764032698777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759940210581594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076676611582976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29736837075561684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671149865466559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423103319335105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652989167870205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29512343542400266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwawayy287,2020/02/17,"Those of you with sexual trauma who are unable to have casual sex, how do you stay connected to your sexuality/accept that?  I'm just really, really struggling at the moment with how fraught my relationship with sex is due to trauma. It's near impossible for me to feel safe & connected during sexual situations or at this point, even just thinking about sex.

Realistically it seems that the only way I will be able to gradually build a healthy sexual relationship in which I have the capacity to feel safe, connected & embodied will be within the context of building an emotionally close romantic partnership with someone I feel strong romantic feeling for, am (at least at times) very attracted to, connect with well, and who is happy to understand my trauma and take things very slow.

But that sort of relationship is hard to find and build (especially having lots of attachment issues), and I feel so much sadness, fear & frustration around the fact that I don't seem able to explore my sexuality outside of that context because attempting to do so is triggering 90% of the time. I feel so out of touch with my sexuality and I just don't know how to a) accept that this is where I am, and b) navigate this.

Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice?

Thank you",9.880866172454155,8.668668939914163,10.345587202497075,58.61699960983225,59.17167381974249,14.4813109637144,39.63675380413578,13.319297830178854,5.566986266094421,1025,43,171,35,11,349,128,233,0.08900000000000001,0.767,0.14400000000000002,0.903,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,4,0,2,14,16,1,2,9,0,20,3,0,4,1,44,34,15,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,16,15,0,2,14,1,0,1,2,7,1,0,0,8,17,9,37,30,3,20,0,1,0,3,9,12,0,6,5,123,33,0,0.2446321157987175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952583614639795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39758819289253794,0.0,0.08317911376791255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552623167323396,0.0,0.0,0.10888722404062548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456273359884537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703960654109734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758910184547413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078860265231011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964857523691985,0.0,0.13763957102507782,0.37108004436143616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179466097778748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020771809172205,0.1095711625555955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766618573741909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722170658022307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398873836241153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991637642203043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302687380512592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562821075874127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671759754398834,0.0,0.0,0.39396501203132106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270389048343534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748837392080832,0.0,0.0,0.10363799892751596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037264305135635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787130137983793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919664531190915,0.0,0.0,0.11261219243307828,0.0,0.0,0.08126135381259726,0.07837519099595898,0.0,0.0,0.1426469540015949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733532998069996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018471154816812,0.0,0.09708879341665423,0.0,0.0,0.10997682561954036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BannedinDCx,2020/02/17,New job bringing up past memories So I got a new job and my boss is identical to my dad. I was told I was doing great but when I work with him he yells at me and makes me nervous to be around. I keep messing up now and can’t think straight. I just now realized that when I was little my dad would be doing something with me and get mad easy. He would make me feel bad and so I thought if I thought something should be done a certain way then I must be wrong. That would make my dad even more mad and I would get beat. I never knew this was in me and I’m not sure what to do. Working with this guy makes me scared. What can I do to overcome this and is this a form of PTSD?,0.2341802492809251,1.8210822214765123,1.7862176414189856,101.21236577181207,82.48993288590603,5.062511984659636,20.038830297219558,5.773587663045528,-0.4280646212847557,517,14,134,3,14,167,82,149,0.168,0.76,0.07200000000000001,-0.9520000000000001,2,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,2,2,3,0,23,0,0,5,4,37,39,15,0,7,4,3,1,0,0,6,0,1,0,1,8,12,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,10,2,24,3,13,19,2,18,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,9,94,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302002528258404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211896844559272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967228183888945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660175087990716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395222598453025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528270958905488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697554600938373,0.16124949607790115,0.0,0.14481799680212348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29027615649791,0.1300004554548037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465885163988406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905122760906887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280286064608484,0.2825129604391188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961940758942828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096728191613506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642935041722535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225192458083932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784603637620288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371595035924632,0.0,0.23222435960154755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975538350832933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609245768528235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21295451740443905,0.0,0.0,0.4155887483007376,0.15990970164206345,0.0,0.0
ptsd,leggybeachbum,2020/02/17,"Anyone have advise for dealing with night terrors? I just wish the feeling would end when I wake up. It’s like I can’t crawl out of the hole I fell into while sleeping. Most of the time I can’t even remember what it was I dreamt of, but the feeling is always the same. I’m just fifteen again covered in blood, losing everything I hold dear. It takes forever to pull myself out.

It’s been thirteen years, and the flashbacks and flinching are less frequent but the night terrors bring it all back full force. I can’t distract myself, I just freeze.",3.453611111111112,5.307436398148152,3.730740740740744,89.68833333333332,73.9074074074074,5.911111111111111,26.814814814814817,6.42735559955562,1.01677037037037,433,16,85,3,9,134,73,108,0.124,0.7709999999999999,0.105,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,3,7,0,9,3,3,0,1,20,15,6,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,2,3,11,2,11,12,5,19,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,11,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590039115148145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730246156282451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027577962492245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551127711097901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191695610322427,0.0,0.0,0.16344011243785014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223944463767296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502389453575615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089284394509647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768361701141437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46443501553835703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803155645198341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476313132459365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605356380507693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429160448086328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28455828466483113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578323149292396,0.0,0.0,0.15935136516868706
ptsd,WolfChalk,2020/02/17,"I can't move past this and its making me worried I never will For the past two years I spent it helping my big brother get through his addiction to heroin. During this time, he lived with my family at home with us and actively shot up/used. He overdosed many times and it's a miracle he's still with us despite that. He's four months clean after a long struggle full of emotional pain. I'm glad he's finally recovering and has his life back together, a girlfriend, a job, a puppy, a support system and place to live... but it seems like I can't get MY life back together. I have constant stress and anxiety stemming from the ordeal, CPR/people losing consciousness in movies triggers a flash back for me, loud noises like thumps also send me back because my brother would fall during his binges, one time at work my coworker was on the ground looking at something and I had to fight off an anxiety attack due to it reminding me of him on the ground. Nighttime is hard on me, I haven't slept good in awhile. I also have nightmares, they're on occasion and nowhere near as often as they used to be but when they happen it's scary. I guess my problem is I'm do used to protecting and watching him that I don't know how to function anymore, I also dread that he could someday relaspe and that would be the end of it... I love my big brother and I'm so proud of him but I wish I could forget the experience of all this. I've also developed a fear of meditation due to seeing how addiction nearly stole him from me, I'm supposed to be prescribed antidepressants but I'm terrified to take them. Even antibiotics will send me into a crying fit. I don't really have anyone to talk to irl and after just waking up from one of those nightmares, I needed to vent... to anyone who's read this, thank you for letting me release some weight off my back a little.",5.253039943442914,5.65132261788618,6.0165500176740885,80.50208907741252,68.07859078590786,9.01901732060799,30.40662189230588,8.964715089967882,2.394434334865088,1462,53,286,24,23,480,194,369,0.152,0.743,0.105,-0.9587,1,0,1,0,1,0,37.0,2,1,3,3,17,17,2,4,17,0,24,9,2,6,2,43,48,26,0,7,5,3,2,2,1,4,5,1,2,0,17,16,1,1,3,1,1,4,6,9,0,4,4,6,45,8,50,34,3,51,0,1,3,1,30,23,0,4,25,194,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104581780499356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29496238315837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108135407727015,0.0,0.09144790468090336,0.1289512627853929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104902602412129,0.0,0.3545203954220416,0.0,0.05621058280129408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964664652157193,0.0,0.14724494688049636,0.0,0.10128875638097544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372424974988402,0.08167101414041324,0.0,0.0,0.06090407660240135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090199431013295,0.08692772586168393,0.1037622969332704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101194794330844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635222001940456,0.0,0.0,0.07734167949508433,0.0,0.0,0.10158011323046076,0.0,0.08154132147648772,0.0,0.08260237531796619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180666412760905,0.0,0.0924945147367558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150455923504658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067640524153793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429134592922668,0.1302618159455761,0.09009865348831204,0.09241901053000806,0.16284688380650744,0.08160327157060883,0.07743348305062246,0.10315981223617053,0.0,0.0,0.08322345478678456,0.0,0.061551134841160426,0.09348683739194874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360143381817902,0.0980050253070566,0.0,0.06837281745242575,0.07111831828286383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496825985629925,0.0,0.09811832995858016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760504549359491,0.06392705690860323,0.0,0.09634020572854762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823286627898473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223531870173096,0.0,0.059072321171595624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347972260182138,0.08394485336025367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098804417363594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363931681547045,0.0,0.1056266618674173,0.09639829479416932,0.0,0.0,0.10463922976309424,0.0,0.0,0.06933071895947862,0.07411519873531923,0.0,0.08489491548486937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130581657047513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007612817606388,0.0,0.3327531475613197,0.15928029866844154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228738327856554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603736933713266,0.0,0.0,0.06713024413476258,0.09364410192661454,0.0,0.13100719568256206,0.0,0.0,0.059380451996577224
ptsd,accidentalgeek,2020/02/17,"Sexual trauma survivor just freaked out. Im a sexual assualt survivor (barely), and I just came off of a long day at work.  I went to eat at a local place on my way home. I sat at the bar and ordered. One of the results seemed to grab my butt on the way buy.  It might not have been intentional,  but it was definitely more than incidental contact.

I have more pinned myself against the pillar (I always sit next to one)), and am freaking out. Sorry, this is my only place to vent.  Im actually a little scared to leave the place.

I haven't had this much fear and anxiety in about 6 months. Im having really bad flashbacks right now.",2.403908375089479,4.183663377952758,4.336349319971369,84.53683607730855,76.63779527559055,7.452827487473158,23.356478167501788,8.296473431620573,1.3579984251968509,487,15,101,9,11,166,84,127,0.17800000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.061,-0.9473,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,9,0,10,3,1,2,0,15,14,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,7,2,0,1,1,1,2,2,6,0,2,6,1,10,0,19,7,3,26,0,0,0,1,1,15,1,2,5,66,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.14517051995971875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378212885361076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380273223512526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421028477323975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014441044303394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593935977005516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222094458409016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739891633774734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492206899012284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820663501387274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751776831992675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490988795446531,0.0,0.13164993098909294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781326373688392,0.0,0.0,0.11874062762884975,0.0,0.10935738800960394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821036579963174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20161033337582995,0.1131404126683099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662747408845224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530092183714736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704216895547712,0.0,0.0,0.14893698780781411,0.0,0.0,0.13542758689772064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652718611144793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23616113717073614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379041181476039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830070703691667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,chrisrk912,2020/02/17,Ptsd is ruining my life It hits out of fucking no where with the emotional flashbacks and I shut down even though there’s nothing to worry about. I just wish there was a way to get a different brain and to be myself again. It’s ruining my life.,1.8448,4.054289879999999,3.1780000000000013,90.089,80.2,7.2,24.0,8.238735603445708,1.4794,194,7,41,4,5,63,39,50,0.127,0.742,0.131,0.0549,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,3,0,3,4,1,0,0,6,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,8,4,0,6,0,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30497222005816443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854271178469322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30730382432816394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044050163991965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525612689608719,0.14273135629262435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859266690338408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26213474652902063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193464076164851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684093991583454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684680774973994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31415690349724884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774393713834234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,milkandcherry,2020/02/17,"Had a ptsd episode and don't know what came over me....any words of encouragement? Trigger warning for sexual assault here!

I experienced CSA growing up and have only begun to unpack it now in my 20s so it has been pretty distressful for me. I am still dealing with it pretty hard, but usually, I can get a handle on it. Today I was triggered by a movie I was watching and I ended up having a full-blown episode where I had a meltdown and felt like I had to go out to some random bar or dangerous neighborhood and willingly seek out and put myself into another ""sexual assult-y"" situation in order to cope with my overwhelming feelings. This has happened to me many times before so I knew I needed to just stay put and let the feelings pass. I did and eventually, the unbearable urge to put myself at risk went away.

But then I felt so much shame, so so so much shame. I was so shocked at my reaction it's like something came over me to try to seek out such a dangerous situation (I guess my mind is trying to make me act out the trauma again). I also figure I had to stay put in bad sexual situations as a child so my brain thinks I need to do that to survive now as an adult. I'm trying to practice self-kindness and talk about the original traumatic events in therapy, but it still is so overwhelming to go through.

I just want to know if anyone has had experiences like this and if you could give any words of encouragement as I try to simmer down from this distressing day? Thank you for reading!",4.701946308724832,5.535566073825502,5.980731543624163,78.72223825503356,69.46979865771812,9.449932885906039,29.329530201342287,9.642632912329526,2.630273288590604,1182,43,232,26,20,398,163,298,0.155,0.755,0.08900000000000001,-0.9775,0,0,1,1,0,0,29.0,0,2,0,1,21,19,3,7,12,0,24,2,1,4,0,50,47,30,0,6,8,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,19,1,0,9,2,0,12,1,13,0,0,16,7,32,6,49,28,3,48,0,2,1,0,9,19,0,6,17,168,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132314671172326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830824918893508,0.10663304807863623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110549046878294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554308846907678,0.0,0.08490866738881839,0.0,0.0,0.08653249891487949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352203066656336,0.0,0.2326173743301265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119287815282702,0.0,0.0,0.06558300065959445,0.10484010410164303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006902905947832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994744005396744,0.0,0.0,0.10283717654527612,0.0,0.1952807535129888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053129932303477366,0.09755234189820687,0.1155879436021274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202532828464247,0.0,0.08992600044107738,0.0,0.09109615964979598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589668777879058,0.11177465259541554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398707627109513,0.0,0.14904489049150402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788027565227803,0.1030998422433885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268004583335333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951080906011882,0.15080682777890586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734143501099883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20691487753645546,0.0,0.0,0.11887263919245268,0.4089146479095683,0.0,0.0,0.10171963318802024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608705297961443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429185901260989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828755747489724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167805256122242,0.1624229069757742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817362690900792,0.0,0.09362443567386766,0.116293794751981,0.0,0.0,0.06516020041248098,0.0,0.0,0.059297489376792224,0.0,0.09639223339040934,0.0,0.0,0.2761690802550754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199949646072184,0.0,0.0599806435051414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426960835586047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,violetwalker,2020/02/17,"TW sexual assault/csa. ptsd years later? i was wondering if anyone else began having ptsd symptoms years after the event? i was sexually assaulted when i was 7, but i never really realized it was assault until i was 14. when i was younger i was really hypersexual but that was about it. but after i reflected on everything at 14 i started having severe nightmares/flashbacks/panic attacks that haven’t really gone away, even though it’s years later. is this a kind of normal occurrence, or what?",4.173577533577537,6.9246391538461545,6.24783882783883,68.27771672771672,75.04395604395604,9.31916971916972,27.69352869352869,9.725611199111238,3.5275557997558,397,16,59,12,9,138,60,91,0.174,0.826,0.0,-0.945,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,2,0,12,1,0,0,1,10,16,9,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,10,0,9,1,8,6,0,18,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,14,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366377765379664,0.2002243903311996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22231125212778108,0.1835975687097784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324304023340258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906888120823834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756251996686868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349325861385686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507150635269416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146389917465184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568562287770875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755609884917439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207618165377328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831479623162465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310961807684752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199293141113072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119177813848192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37751997562683065
ptsd,bergerboi420,2020/02/17,"PTSD from another’s experience Trigger warning for sexual content, BDSM, similarities with pedophilia, mention of parental abuse, mention of suicide

To give a little background, I (23F) was abused my by dad for the first 6 years of my life, physically and verbally. A family member mentioned something about possible sexual abuse, but this topic is very avoided by our family, so it’s never discussed. 

My older brother (29) was seriously affected by the abuse he endured, and now has his own set of struggles and problems he faces as an adult. This includes uncontrollable anger, violence to his girlfriend, screaming, throwing things (anything from a mug to a dinner chair) around when things don’t go his way, threatening suicide, and more. I lived with him and my mom for a few years like this and this caused me to be very sensitive to noise, particularly made by men. I don’t live with them anymore. I have been afraid and wary of men for my whole life, and part of me wants to keep it that way for my safety even though I know it causes me a lot of pain in my every day of life.

Without getting too into details, my long distance girlfriend (22) visited a BDSM dungeon to learn what it was about and instantly had a 70 year old man infatuated with her. He invited her to his house to teach her, and I strongly discouraged her from going. After an impact play session at the dungeon and some time, she asked me if she could go to his house for more sessions because he wanted it so badly. We all agreed for it all to be nonsexual, no penetration, clothed, just impact play. 

This man consistently pushed the boundaries of what we were comfortable with. He would touch her in areas we said he couldn’t, he always put our discussions about the sessions into a VERY sexual context, and he was extremely possessive of my girlfriend. He’d deny all of this when we discussed it, citing his many many years of time in the BDSM scene making what he was doing okay and normal.

One of the sessions, I was getting so anxious for my girlfriend’s safety, I asked if I could watch on video chat the whole time. I almost regret this, because watching that happen was absolutely horrible. I was holding back tears the whole time, I felt like I was going to throw up, and I did all I could to not completely freak out. I was shaking after the session and could barely speak, even though all I had done was watch. 

He continued to call the session a threesome that evening and that was the final straw for me. I already had an extreme aversion to the idea of sex with men, especially old men, and I couldn’t handle that. I messaged my girlfriend that night that I wouldn’t be able to watch any more of their sessions.

Some time passed, she had one or two more sessions with him (I tried to think about it as little as possible while it was going on so I wasn’t keeping count), and my girlfriend moved for school in early fall. After a while, I believed that he was in the past and wouldn’t be a problem again. Eventually, my girlfriend and I discussed this and she realized how creepy this situation actually was, and she felt extremely uncomfortable with how familiar this old man was with her body. We agreed that we shouldn’t have contact with him anymore and she told him this politely in a text. We tried to move on together and leave this in the past.

And then he posted photos of her body on a BDSM website without her consent. She asked him to take it down, he refused. After a whole night of pleading him to take it down, we reported it and it disappeared. A couple days later, he posted it again. She got in contact with the dungeon she met him at, which he was actually longterm volunteer for, and they were able to get the photo down and promised my girlfriend they’d keep an eye on his profile and that they’d deal with his situation with the dungeon.

TLDR: Creepy 70 year old man consistently pushes my girlfriend’s and my boundaries during BDSM impact play session and then posts photos of my gf’s body in retaliation of my gf telling him she doesn’t want him in her life anymore.

Now I have an extreme on-sight reaction to any old man even slightly similar to this man. I feel like I’m going to collapse and cry and freak out the second I visually process an old man. The biggest problem is that I work at a drugstore and there are LOTS of old men who use the store. I’m terrified of them and I don’t know how long I can handle these extreme responses I have to seeing them. Nearly of my trauma related reactions have funneled into this and it’s more extreme than anything I’ve experienced before.

Thankfully, I will be started EMDR therapy soon, and I really really hope to see improvement one day. I think I might need to quit my job. I feel like I’m going to die when I have to ring up an old man, I can barely speak to them and I can’t look them in the eyes. I’ve cried throughout typing this and I am so scared about going back to work every single day.

Does it make sense that my triggers and reactions changed so much just by this situation I didn’t even experience firsthand?",6.729688869412798,6.757919163599187,6.894077563540755,76.74126533742333,64.93047034764825,9.80780017528484,34.028702892199824,9.470358648722666,3.040918141980719,4034,162,753,69,56,1299,380,978,0.146,0.787,0.067,-0.9981,2,1,2,0,4,3,100.0,10,0,9,5,38,32,1,6,46,1,67,13,6,12,6,138,117,65,3,22,9,4,5,4,11,6,5,5,0,14,52,67,1,7,11,5,1,20,17,19,0,6,35,20,124,13,131,62,23,115,0,2,9,1,126,35,0,10,58,527,176,17,0.09592503440819873,0.22731095999202006,0.09360899622983344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802753280864954,0.0,0.052927830398267206,0.0,0.039908656510955334,0.0,0.0,0.06523231280716674,0.0502928812174114,0.0,0.05418399245288257,0.14269778746091394,0.0,0.0,0.07893812997531638,0.04269680895579697,0.13451543736579288,0.0,0.0,0.07376043036089812,0.04004669846974096,0.05847501063125821,0.0,0.04081256953437614,0.05403733255546337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982663271469755,0.0,0.0,0.04897509259628656,0.0,0.0,0.09854143410405157,0.050737983599108916,0.0,0.050287786763421716,0.0,0.0,0.15317666896771354,0.053069613024678886,0.1053691460048001,0.12372742302637856,0.049447249210363316,0.0,0.0,0.04977752055295533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041972322019007136,0.049082307330089565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839395134017334,0.0,0.08082097870171698,0.0,0.0,0.0938330902221928,0.09042958533061224,0.0,0.048502579621577335,0.06852886374794533,0.092103076086062,0.05254059320777118,0.0,0.04079689263214365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517530697774095,0.04601001689409431,0.21806563058985898,0.0,0.0383600064674487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241309556493952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763760167295614,0.0,0.11068461056540904,0.0,0.0541438439057692,0.0,0.0,0.047595397587256116,0.12789386710665598,0.0,0.0,0.05271789025437144,0.0,0.0,0.05078538047836157,0.0,0.0,0.1355093772856097,0.09372825290240194,0.09614208488776194,0.08470356281053866,0.08489063686646114,0.04027643478281336,0.0,0.0,0.08155203394215825,0.0,0.04538329346366905,0.06403070533757219,0.0972529288604184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088065129980505,0.0,0.05617312047254158,0.0,0.10195313072994737,0.035257968782973007,0.035563598775990884,0.03699165006319706,0.0,0.0,0.09001914665205404,0.04699308345338617,0.0,0.0,0.402628749135108,0.0,0.09750192881159787,0.0,0.05103549991405878,0.0,0.0532566993739196,0.05193873221885816,0.09157129948651296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814106329397652,0.13780450025164245,0.0,0.0,0.13768095445466286,0.05606561596642569,0.04821557712626192,0.0,0.05101404086949793,0.0,0.0,0.061452033342778836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562333716702316,0.0,0.04801884685007995,0.04854062800713455,0.0764398329672627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617356366643088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03692388898029736,0.0,0.0,0.0339481165387828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014083676067527,0.0,0.10492641837947513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072123687857137,0.0,0.04192135406990241,0.04415744187412355,0.05484931839770967,0.0,0.06372833047762136,0.0614648887656469,0.09424585926805353,0.0,0.1398366474302826,0.0,0.0,0.04583024057703675,0.0,0.06512680167853596,0.0,0.046852410082080236,0.0,0.0,0.04142421539602272,0.0,0.1187222992035952,0.0848686059388472,0.07614082737040108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419375047256667,0.0,0.09246831007666806,0.0,0.06983456751081453,0.0,0.0,0.03407119610994666,0.0,0.0,0.15443144283272014
ptsd,my-thisbes-face,2020/02/17,"Freezing up / crouching / repeating words I often freeze up in protective positions and repeat phrases or whimper. I do this when I’m stressed in general or when I am ashamed of something in particular. 

I’ve taken on a crapload of responsibility and now this is happening a lot. Like it’s happening in public. Cool. I am the person on the bus shouting things. I am frozen and talking to myself on the street. Very neat.",3.5530769230769264,6.267043987179487,5.004807692307698,76.54644230769233,77.07692307692308,8.002564102564103,32.82692307692308,8.841846274778883,3.343276923076924,333,18,57,8,8,111,54,78,0.08900000000000001,0.79,0.12,0.3384,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,9,9,7,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,6,3,12,8,1,15,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,4,6,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6057386977994845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732694555739466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911790697249755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990555477665855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636712568453379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923296523402859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752864630850231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275400757847549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282596251470007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,27Kholley,2020/02/17,"PTSD is personal to everyone who suffers I’m new to reddit but when I’m alone I constantly watch my back. I check my house and stare into space when I feel unsafe but this isn’t all the time. My first time after being abused I would sit in my closet a lot and I didn’t even understand what I was even doing. It’s like I held together went to work lost weight and would wither away. I am doing so much better now but there will always be the part of me that got lost slowly because I thought I was tough and I was. I was energetic and outgoing had a great job that supported me and my dog. This sounds lame but that person took a piece of me that only I can feel. It’s been years now and things are finally starting to shine again. My story is so much more but I won’t over share I will only say that you are not alone and you have to cry and fear and make mistakes but then you must accept that you let your life take a different turn and you never were even driving. PTSD is real but music, making good choices, moving before I doubt
Myself, having a dog, praying and learning I am not a victim that I am a survivor. Being beaten or stalked or talked down to is very wrong and I hope that if you are dealing with any of that right now you find courage to get help.",2.8441698113207536,3.998993898113209,4.004669811320756,89.95077830188679,74.16981132075472,6.809433962264151,21.92924528301887,7.1686216300943375,0.518588679245283,993,23,217,10,20,324,154,265,0.152,0.6709999999999999,0.177,0.8606,2,2,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,8,0,6,13,20,2,2,9,0,34,2,0,2,3,47,54,28,0,6,12,0,3,1,0,6,1,2,1,2,16,15,1,1,7,0,1,4,6,11,0,1,15,8,37,9,17,29,7,30,1,4,3,0,16,7,0,6,19,161,53,4,0.0,0.1360461620642485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784344429828624,0.0,0.0,0.0955417117000687,0.0,0.0,0.07808339554151819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787973692007416,0.08829159371074535,0.0,0.06999487198794188,0.0,0.09770568826645347,0.0,0.0,0.10155137592878888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408258231303285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261273799947327,0.0,0.11837719536164085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996531669311265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22751799569835165,0.0,0.0,0.10971804152700647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292074966860488,0.11611564718151518,0.0,0.0,0.1257826909665443,0.10494589731882854,0.09766815761008983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999013859946109,0.0,0.0,0.09630786029612604,0.09183422843912772,0.12659246794474716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696325723764097,0.0,0.0,0.11404488156274778,0.0,0.13249001691364554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394384457125176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741402346276725,0.08110269167870589,0.05609658718086753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506851527287079,0.09761818107453728,0.0,0.0,0.15329013111817044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203839310458996,0.16881584012571865,0.0,0.08855836990347231,0.11089651055742474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746557243585029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434182990747905,0.0,0.0,0.20051756220525807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268443259445758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069340748403271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980579861770696,0.0,0.09131164553365012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127212105519903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029947613380732,0.0,0.0,0.08633240497710974,0.0922901629783513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628312138180078,0.0,0.0,0.0911564237839415,0.1339081174052621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757228068740925,0.0,0.12489416078593328,0.0,0.11953451397709275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474077952457452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982315476478602,0.0,0.10644182339029344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359231679454883,0.0,0.0,0.16313354949041867,0.12554063281783676,0.0,0.07394207512096572
ptsd,conceptuelle,2020/02/17,"PTSD from explosion/near death experience Hi, I have had what was diagnosed as PTSD before from being in a physically abusive relationship. This was over a decade ago. So I thought I understood it from experiencing it then. My old triggers from that (being touched on the neck or chest) are now gone.

However I am having a totally different type of PTSD now after being a step or two away from a freak accident explosion (blown transformer in the middle of the sidewalk in a busy neighborhood). I wasn’t physically hurt but if I was any closer I would have been in the burn unit or dead. Now loud noises of all kinds make me feel extremely startled and when I hear lots of sirens it freaks me out (like 20 fire trucks rolled up to the scene, it was so loud). 

I live in a big city and there are loud noises and sirens all day long. Additionally I am wary of any grates in the sidewalk and have to read the labels on them and walk around them. I know it was a freak accident and won’t happen again but I can’t stop doing this. 

Will my fears and startle response go away as time passes? Like I said I live in a big city so I’m constantly going to be exposed to this stuff. I really wanted to get out of town for a week but the doctor I saw the next day told me it’s best to stick around and not run from my fear.",4.161445279866335,4.920683924812032,5.167318295739348,84.33630743525481,70.65413533834587,8.768253968253969,25.680033416875524,8.998388855275968,1.675205346700083,1028,29,221,19,18,338,149,266,0.175,0.792,0.033,-0.9878,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,1,11,12,0,4,19,0,25,4,2,2,3,34,41,22,2,3,8,0,3,2,0,3,2,5,0,0,12,13,0,1,4,1,0,7,4,8,0,1,14,10,24,4,39,20,5,46,0,1,1,0,7,22,0,5,19,151,36,3,0.0,0.1512567653215852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316329176793777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362697566372054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272897430879447,0.0,0.0,0.2398824017184397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862964552960797,0.0,0.13397177268401178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795560086844086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646608662354198,0.0,0.0,0.12957267574029122,0.0,0.13337800551264686,0.0,0.13066588628558484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487642221594245,0.0,0.28730700973103024,0.06454896238676723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669731933682077,0.0,0.14510475830990166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288971975048168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388261213766707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666315862334275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293872013895494,0.07015884807960407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473690097264553,0.0,0.2254530432212433,0.11297548643462675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853235462047252,0.0,0.0,0.08521434576635224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357683433703772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395817390809134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44768472494990014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769500286228705,0.0,0.08178255712957473,0.0,0.0,0.13705955429143418,0.0,0.0,0.12143432772977135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672985758136992,0.0,0.0,0.14614067977212614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013481423557626,0.07443983858749982,0.0,0.0,0.12198503660071645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247057158490672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529744459374334,0.0,0.10240151754734488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068632527721192,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,wrongxroad,2020/02/18,"I can't concentrate at work I have a lot to do and did nothing yesterday. I'm sitting here doing the same today. 

It's because things have been brought up with my sexual assault. I'm still in the middle of the police case. (He got arrested, but still has his court date so I don't know what he will plead)

Because it was my boss, people in my industry are finding out and reaching out which is really nice. But it means I've been talking and thinking about it a lot.

I was feeling better for a couple of weeks, but I'm not too great again these two days. I dont know what to do. I think I should ask to go home and just admit it today I'm not doing well?? :(",1.078829670329668,2.829263992857147,3.1071428571428577,91.96708791208792,80.5,6.021978021978023,21.48351648351648,7.010146845296331,0.4818296703296707,509,15,114,6,13,172,90,140,0.079,0.7959999999999999,0.125,0.7577,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,9,5,1,0,6,0,19,0,0,1,0,26,34,8,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,1,1,1,7,1,11,4,14,25,3,19,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,9,81,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259121994619825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508063651694046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632780208324444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042743070989232,0.0,0.119062172151583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636880430611333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334749473395104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873585662413013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049216374776428,0.0,0.1476544352755003,0.20354000553185306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851850951703283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292046407839734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139081722396456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011011572535348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714421717741086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279896235065529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826986118288195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29486946186078583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483875035231012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265079589739535,0.23658920515731194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499891304325523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034319566228746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480879748728383,0.0,0.16599212983348846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440278793055066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,help2remember,2020/02/18,"Re-Living Sexual Assault 15 Years Later  

This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons.

Not sure if what is in my post will count as a trigger but does describe my sexual assault which may be a trigger for some. I have tagged as NSFW. I want to get my story off my chest and hopefully connect with people like myself who may have advice or encouragement. 

Originally posted in r/SexualAbuseSurvivors but thought r/ptsd may have some help. I just want a good night's sleep. 

I want to start off by saying that I have **never told a soul** about what happened to me. Other than this anonymous post, I probably never will. Lately, I have been struggling to sleep while overthinking the event and subsequent events that stemmed from the event.

**Backstory:**

My great grandmother owned a campground/restaurant/cabin business by a popular tourist destination in Mexico. Not a tourist area like Cancun or Puerto Vallarta But a place that mostly local tourists knew of. During the peak, thousands of Mexican tourists will visit during school breaks from University and work.

Every summer we would go and help with cleaning and running the restaurant. The restaurant and cabins were located along the river where we would spend all of our free time swimming, hiding in the waterfalls, and jumping-off boulders into the water. The place was magical. It was like a real water wonderland. The water was clear and you could see your toes slide across the slippery river rock. Every hundred feet or so there would be a 4-foot waterfall. You could sit right behind it and yell as loud as you can and no one could hear you.

The summer in-between 6th and 7th grade I traveled again to our family business in Mexico. When we arrived it was like any other summer. My great grandmother would be in her pink house sitting on the couch braiding her long beautiful black hair. I remember that my great grandmother would let me run the brush through her hair. All I ever wanted at that moment was to brush my hers hair and to one day grow my hair long and beautiful like hers. For a long time, this is all I could remember from that visit. more than 15 years later and I realize that there was **so much more**.

**The Assault:**

A couple of weeks into our visit, tourists started filling up the cabins and camping lots. The river was full of people jumping off the boulders and hiding in the waterfalls. These were the best times for my family because it is when the money for the year is made through cabin rates, entrance fees, and restaurant orders.

The events of this evening are a little blurry. I don't exactly remember specifics such as names or dates. During one of the moments that we weren't helping with gutting fish in the kitchen or in the concession stand my cousins and I went out to enjoy the river.

We were out on the river just swimming and splashing. The sun was going down and it was almost dark but still light enough to be out on the water. I got separated from my cousins and was swimming alone in a wider part of the river unsupervised. In this area, was a group of college-age guys. I don't exactly remember talking to any of them but there was one guy who

stuck around. He was young probably between 20-25 years old and from what I can remember he was a pretty good looking young guy.(I was about 11 or 12 years old) I do vaguely remember having a short conversation with him. I do not remember the details anymore but where along the lines of ""where are you visiting from?"" etc.

The next thing I remember is that he pulled me in and placed me across his legs so that I was sitting on his lap. The water was shallow so you could make a chair position and your upper torso would be above water. He kisses me and not very long after that he pushes my hands down into the water and into his swim trunks so that I could feel him. He was obviously aroused. I didn't know what a boner was at the time but that is what it was. He moved my body around and touched me back. I do not remember what happened after that or how exactly I ended up in this situation. Anything that occurred between me and this man after he put my hand down his trunks I cant remember. I do not remember even swimming back to the river's edge. I did not tell anyone, this is not something you talk about.

In the days after the encounter with this man that he would wink at me every time I would run into him in the campground. I ignored him. For a long time, I believed he was lead by my actions or swimsuit to act the way he did. Like somehow my actions caused his actions. I hit puberty quickly. So at a young age, I wore a bra and had pretty full features(breasts). So as an adult, I thought maybe my fuller figure made him think I was older than I was. As a teenager though I honestly believed that perhaps this was what you did with boys if you liked someone. I began to think that this behavior was normal. Mostly I blocked it out as a normal event in my life. 

It has now been 15 years since this has happened. I now can see the fucked up parts of my story and how I have these huge holes in my memory from that moment and the years after the incident.

The moment that **I keep re-living and re-living** is the moment he placed me across his lap. The more I think about it, the more it feels like an adult putting a child on their lap like Santa. This disrupts my belief that he may have thought I was older than I actually was. Looking at pictures of me back then, I was a KID. I looked like a kid. Lately, these thoughts are really fucking me up. My fear is that something worse than forced touching happened after. But for the life of me cannot remember past that moment and the moment I was back on land.

After this moment, my behaviors and experiences with relationships with sex have been abnormal. It has affected the way I interact with men specifically. After this event, I had been promiscuous and quick to jump into sex with new relationships even as a teenager. I believed sex and touching was just what you did. I felt like I already let a stranger do things to me so it is too late to be virginal now. Over the years I chose to be with men who were obviously bad for me.

Well anyway, that's it for now. I just needed to write this down and get it off my chest. Hopefully, I can actually get some sleep tonight.",3.3820537562355746,5.655552028099173,4.069615814161272,85.3011640979823,75.41322314049587,6.839699203335568,25.694289330652968,7.824948511530503,1.538895093440548,4974,179,935,75,111,1580,442,1210,0.049,0.8370000000000001,0.114,0.9981,0,1,2,0,1,0,141.0,8,12,2,3,51,36,5,2,85,0,115,35,17,12,14,191,164,79,0,25,30,2,12,11,0,15,2,4,3,12,73,67,8,3,28,7,5,31,17,9,1,5,60,26,134,28,151,73,22,206,2,0,7,9,89,74,2,24,101,697,207,4,0.0,0.0,0.07874876874130375,0.0,0.0,0.039428156029596026,0.0,0.0,0.04040326492848722,0.041788950454458,0.04452565078017297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487682298290468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04001493986420178,0.028212658582913993,0.0,0.033203435527898666,0.0718375641203618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410224031220216,0.033689370932932665,0.024596114021136456,0.0,0.0,0.13637706554482562,0.04234333533820028,0.0,0.0,0.04481816579341325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144909633815325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329030168455172,0.044644925718571135,0.0,0.05204297992331481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03530930587157527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03573685729465885,0.0416908590881156,0.044999321672052436,0.07994955066167038,0.03649759193671482,0.1019862323745164,0.0,0.0,0.03946864414637523,0.07607408250685661,0.04540335928356504,0.040802899078186836,0.02882502676420838,0.038740955096111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460320635499637,0.06324138814299061,0.0,0.04586204479638062,0.06768493307290492,0.032270437670362466,0.13345332396589546,0.0,0.119854284902627,0.14272043024778333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04547577129886345,0.0,0.0811343887069834,0.0,0.0,0.08015046904943493,0.0,0.04655683295244417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035863663286824415,0.0,0.0,0.02217451909204344,0.0,0.13654483465356607,0.0,0.0,0.08251829389067596,0.05699877706167315,0.2168350076000462,0.040439867502394165,0.0,0.17853607559484772,0.10164791129632272,0.0,0.0,0.03430291168557167,0.0,0.07635758582250864,0.02693298406165384,0.0,0.040535562195109766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288414488812653,0.029660841818679427,0.029917953705463032,0.06223860982407468,0.03896890073156322,0.042911162377489945,0.03786440004434564,0.0790660643817926,0.0,0.0,0.08467807457414032,0.0,0.10936494216095488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738713963297119,0.03851727599395981,0.055945236729461036,0.0,0.16862267329948755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592833123841345,0.08209800336338775,0.08700516646840539,0.0,0.047165319615634346,0.08112291522755176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592550655485009,0.025848327389985885,0.041485050428232716,0.0,0.08663852918263375,0.5484847775139723,0.034457458670825475,0.0,0.03208680266448892,0.0,0.04083490736409846,0.06430517334235032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03337675439525463,0.04535348368168212,0.12113312900038765,0.0,0.03418721277384972,0.062124601511586684,0.0,0.0,0.057117851620834374,0.0,0.0322224204512287,0.0,0.0,0.04218108640826844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03802805010739533,0.0,0.0,0.06486130504062779,0.035266428975134545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361159462419453,0.07756120414802517,0.039642265568702234,0.12812903171164364,0.1411654552903369,0.0,0.0,0.038554788128463684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03329179623386156,0.09519452889714364,0.06405363424303341,0.032365189396089,0.0,0.03627821046870448,0.03740352900675843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02937423980893745,0.0,0.041118640324420835,0.22929973410796586,0.0,0.0,0.20786525172278547
ptsd,Boots8816,2020/02/18,Injured on duty Medically retired LEO from DE looking for a  Support group In the Philadelphia area anyone have any ideas?,11.498571428571427,10.789568380952378,11.142857142857142,52.57714285714289,55.66666666666666,12.20952380952381,49.57142857142857,11.20814326018867,6.160485714285715,100,6,13,2,1,33,21,21,0.115,0.769,0.115,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29725903169429185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056469786704392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4934593277173392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670737243068295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403560305059448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960426712643953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Iliana394,2020/02/18,"Happiness guilt? I have had a mild form of PTSD for almost 10 years after I saw one of my friends get into a bad accident.

It has been very rough for me for a long time, but now I feel like I'm getting better. The ""problem"" is that I feel kind fo guilty about getting better, and I have no idea why.
Other than that, I'm also afraid that I might get worse again, and it gives me small anxiety attacks throughout the day.

I'm sorry for the rant, and I'd love to hear your thoughts. If anyone has experienced something similar.",3.2611448598130828,4.462381224299069,4.293539719626172,88.10236565420561,73.2056074766355,7.219158878504674,25.524532710280376,7.645422480735847,1.1825149532710286,409,13,87,5,8,133,76,107,0.20800000000000002,0.594,0.198,0.4118,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,4,12,1,2,6,0,8,1,0,0,0,13,22,6,0,2,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,6,10,7,11,17,1,9,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,3,8,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729468070688156,0.0,0.0,0.14159055898188636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544634113562068,0.0,0.0,0.12380074492007845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014252523341324,0.0,0.0,0.14783325737021405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131809422516661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141856174850004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790483263366585,0.12648789461874285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367920020763122,0.0,0.3700150384089698,0.16984697688005282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847799299385684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955348575422774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998731759918297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843751972618612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649997043233737,0.0,0.0,0.15668781507273782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979875613274716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782702959774972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997682944232707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941741144405958,0.2069674393020645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630533830043387,0.0,0.19819821207635646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056163410807007,0.10324200435633347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608864887251696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597643043638489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043383920390155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401740521303297
ptsd,sneakergeek895,2020/02/18,"CW: Sexual assault. Yesterday, I publicly outed the men who attacked me. It has taken me seven years to come to grips with everything that has happened. 

I have been raped by three different men at three different times over the past seven years, and I have struggled with so much because of it. I finally decided to make it all public yesterday. I published an article through medium explaining every single thing that happened, and I used their names. I identified them, and now most of my social circle has read the article. 

I'm not afraid anymore. They can try to sue me for defamation; they can try to threaten me. But they've already made my life a living hell. They can't do much more. And frankly, if they try to bring this to court, I'm so ready. I have plenty of people standing behind me who can attest to what I'm saying. I have text records. I have journal entries. I have my therapists, my psychiatrists, and more. 

These three men caused me to develop PTSD because they decided they could take advantage of me. It's time that they took responsibility for their actions. I'm not carrying this burden anymore.",4.126937799043059,6.548043224880384,4.847368421052631,79.90157894736845,73.688995215311,8.036363636363637,29.660287081339717,8.841846274778883,2.7184105263157896,890,39,155,19,19,286,121,209,0.11599999999999999,0.8590000000000001,0.025,-0.9644,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,10,1,3,8,4,2,5,0,16,2,0,4,1,24,31,9,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,14,9,0,0,3,1,0,4,3,7,0,5,4,2,32,1,23,26,7,17,1,0,0,1,21,3,1,2,9,114,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753540407805387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30112615994793235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271537244694068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850942020645734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559593398862774,0.0,0.13077812778486875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121465653198372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172358765447961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279135685601354,0.0,0.13644460854554735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630966067055675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685050586885908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723384138873246,0.0,0.0,0.1340584482259356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365426188105415,0.10133997569343177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320801750529254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449278625817968,0.10525177821641517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746761118187893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185950639952694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073210286151922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475976246612058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871357817429987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414855944237295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762728895529569,0.10086141371607776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705308572723766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686758531643692,0.3092242291084545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311223719689106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955321726407564
ptsd,Osnati,2020/02/18,"Diuferent reasons for ptsd Hey, so im a 27 year old female.. ive had mental issues in the past, been anorectic as a teenager (went to therapy - my father was very supportive of me)

The anorxia phase is gone but later on ive been told by a therapist that my mind has thinking patterns similar to OCD.. im also taking SSRI meds

The kind of environment i grew up in doesnt sound like something that is extremely traumatising in my opinion.. thank god nobody ever abused me verbally nor physically. The thing is I think my parents were a very long while in a bad place with each other, Aand that it really affected me growing up. I used to be outside alot, smoking weed, some more drugs, hanging ou with bad people.

The way the house looked reflected their relationship: always dirty dishes in the sink, nobody wants to clean, mom and dad always shouting, mom isnt cleaning at all, almost no warm food from mom.

 Dad doesnt know how to cook. Mom crying a lot, storming out the house, the kitchen was so old an although we absolutely had money to repair things ( the house was a 3 and a half bedroom appartment about 80 meters squared and with us - 3 siblings growing up, too small for a big family) my parents couldnt agree on anything. 

Ok this is very long sorry

Before i started taking prozac again i was really a mess. I guess ghe prozac helps, so i dont know if it matters if i got a relationship trauma from childhood or not, but i just wanted to share. Hope it fits here. Thanks",3.6189227642276407,5.531224369337982,4.779673344947735,82.09380734610919,73.5993031358885,7.431416957026713,26.940911730545878,8.212053250817874,1.8762451800232285,1162,43,217,19,24,382,185,287,0.146,0.7390000000000001,0.115,-0.9281,3,0,2,0,1,0,37.0,2,0,1,0,11,13,0,0,23,1,22,7,0,4,2,39,42,17,0,6,7,9,1,1,0,0,3,2,4,0,10,9,4,0,6,1,1,6,8,4,0,1,13,5,22,9,31,27,6,36,0,0,2,0,18,17,0,10,13,135,32,0,0.0,0.10870081352058808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186766688012253,0.0,0.0,0.07336708723610003,0.15267555702221675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549692233416322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532036538010258,0.0,0.0,0.07806679467471339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077571174828956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075224692734196,0.0,0.1063931063199202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298707106723675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864874222704622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093636762360573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337550129238075,0.0,0.10106559282619702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614936029505558,0.0,0.0,0.09112180171518078,0.0,0.3175783661225614,0.0,0.0,0.1981970235680222,0.09575617394342836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553653350160607,0.1008394414055606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482114430695371,0.0,0.0,0.16237987447660418,0.07704126940037416,0.0,0.0,0.07799687647337744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190612893722777,0.0,0.0924556723949278,0.0,0.09263458418261626,0.4297945963411271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19253832978092855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374016448902188,0.0,0.08757936484603125,0.06360325558452534,0.0,0.09585222633945358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724301311819358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754621980548348,0.09432739656044092,0.0,0.19699594951105315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062847775827621,0.0,0.1026991179355776,0.06493638292472953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410921441769484,0.0,0.0,0.13795909435164902,0.0,0.0,0.16892981684204994,0.10491646387996616,0.1065210473100678,0.12190034950306873,0.11757080981951465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766465875192382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035589891750326,0.07923675854710774,0.0,0.22709350234442746,0.10822515562804087,0.07282156458785631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504696214565405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907967999313079
ptsd,dulcetdreamer,2020/02/18,"Trouble Coming to Terms with PTSD (Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse, Domestic Violence) \*\*\*\*Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence\*\*\*\*  


Tl;dr: I experienced stuff that I'm not sure qualifies as traumatic? Maybe I'm exaggerating or I dreamed all of it? I'm struggling with my recent PTSD diagnosis and want to know your experiences post diagnosis. 

Hey Everyone,   
First time poster here because I got diagnosed with PTSD after my 21 years of life. I also have anxiety and depression. I'm just having trouble with coming to terms with my PTSD diagnosis because I got diagnosed on Friday. This is very new to me and I'm questioning if what I went through was even abuse? Here are the five significant events I told my therapist about that led him to come to this conclusion:   


1. My biological father used to hit my mother when they were together. He'd come home, accuse her of cheating, and begin beating her. This is one of my earliest childhood memories: him beating my mom. 
2. My oldest brother (30M) often groped me when I was a kid. From about ages 8-14, he'd either come up and randomly cup my ass and make some weird comment, or he'd touch my developing boobs. I hate that this happened, because if my boob accidentally brushes against something random (say, a blanket or a headphone wire while I'm in bed), I feel disgust and anger, even in my college dorm, where I live alone. I also feel conflicted because I still have love for my brother for all he does for me: Aren't I supposed to hate him? If I don't hate him, was it really abuse? I don't know and this is one of the biggest parts that makes me struggle with coming to terms with my PTSD. I know that I HATE it when he taps me on my shoulder and I get very angry, and I hate being alone with him, which also makes me sad because he relies on me for friendship, like going to the movies. But I HATE the feeling of being alone with him. 
3. My second oldest brother (24M) would threaten to physically fight me growing up. Me, having been a rebellious preteen, would get upset with him when he'd talk to my mom disrespectfully. This would quickly spiral into a fight, to where he'd raise his fist up at me and try to physically fight me as if I was a boy of his size. I'd tell him ""If you're gonna hit me, do it!"" and he'd end up leaving the house. My mom would cry and ask me why I made him leave. He'd also frequently argue with my mom and brother to where it would escalate into tears and shouting. Our most recent verbal argument was about a year or two ago, where he started screaming about me over a phone call with my mother and said ""Tell her not to talk to me before I slap the shit out of her"". The reason I never saw this as fucked up is because people have been telling me ""oh I fight with my brothers too!"" and I just shut down because maybe I'm just exaggerating. 
4. One of my mom's (now ex) boyfriends came home drunk and bruised at about 4am. He woke me up and tried to get on top of me and made kissing faces at me. I tried to pull him off, but couldn't. My mom ended up pulling him off and dressing his wounds from a bar fight he'd gotten into. If this was abuse, wouldn't my mom have kicked him out or questioned him? I never brought this up because I know my mom would tell me that I'm exaggerating or that maybe I dreamed it. 
5. I was sitting on a stoop when I was about 15, and a guy in a white van pulled up in front of my house. He was using his tongue to make really gross, sexually suggestive faces at me. I was frozen in fear, but eventually ran up into my apartment. When I told my mom, she got upset with me for not texting her so she could open our apartment window and yell at him. Later that evening, my oldest brother was recounting the event to my mom's partner (amazing guy), and said that I was stupid and that ""if I ever got raped, it would be my own fault"".   


In my eyes, I never saw these as trauma. I just saw them as a couple of kinda fucked up situations, but it was childhood and life. Some of these are incredibly foggy too, so I don't see them as trauma since I can't remember the specifics of the events, so what if I just convinced myself that these events happened? I can't remember it specifically, so what if these events were, in fact, just dreams? Since I've talked about it, my dreams are vivid and I haven't been able to sleep well. This whole ""PTSD"" thing is really fucking me up, but it'd explain why I hate sudden loud noises, doors slamming, sudden shouting, people touching me, and why I can't walk alone at night without looking around me an excessive amount.   
Idk, I'm new to PTSD (or rather, it being called that in my life). Do any of you guys take medicine for PTSD (not asking for medical advice, just asking about your experiences)? What are your experiences? I guess I'm asking because I didn't think I had PTSD or that my life would result in this. Any comments appreciated.",4.292095588235291,5.2897004600409865,5.192892960462874,83.39627290260368,70.52663934426229,8.077242044358728,27.87753134040501,8.35941574516469,1.7856519286403087,3843,132,783,57,68,1256,378,976,0.163,0.8,0.037000000000000005,-0.9986,0,4,1,0,13,0,150.0,2,4,3,5,48,44,22,5,24,0,69,25,9,13,8,150,150,72,0,22,36,20,5,1,1,10,8,8,6,6,47,58,2,1,15,6,0,18,19,37,1,7,39,23,153,7,122,84,13,120,0,2,8,9,107,53,7,27,48,520,200,4,0.037998637795359606,0.22511086102133315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03713182907391825,0.033683499698976424,0.0,0.0,0.1574205158657298,0.0,0.12154998766567747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516807534593132,0.0,0.029068853906604762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0338268438169114,0.14209438759844112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847255218501792,0.0,0.0323340420319336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760171538292124,0.04346031868527843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639477098822428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030338820302296232,0.04204476997492356,0.04173971933963205,0.0,0.0,0.03272817105319383,0.07713563499449631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033252864003020535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731102898691035,0.0,0.0,0.07529322567044047,0.034371943348972214,0.0,0.036309326809314486,0.0,0.11150987739237103,0.0,0.042759031769924495,0.057639759001954026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03232162189711977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538738501975388,0.059558159736411785,0.0,0.02159550153805449,0.0,0.12156392754629247,0.0,0.04185978353589345,0.11287387666418965,0.06720413982001608,0.0,0.0,0.26261051558445403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623146385659017,0.0,0.0,0.08769065244215198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353223032840171,0.0,0.0,0.08047014171023742,0.0,0.0,0.1073582465123518,0.018564215041479457,0.0,0.03355349334061907,0.0,0.03190928554662557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03429525417618216,0.07191045970118841,0.1014575431706428,0.0,0.11452421708848197,0.0,0.0,0.03827962991937671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450354533287029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792067602848691,0.07339864233451543,0.0,0.035659147472626815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724658114783398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114882179215318,0.0,0.05268694194521592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03639219121430341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39976536726263984,0.0,0.08513434145519068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302870114731072,0.039068928317817636,0.07503814126619393,0.0,0.08609009846080277,0.0,0.07229081228777158,0.03021804192851457,0.0,0.0,0.030279994622681588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03900505564183882,0.06286573170281952,0.042712060962497314,0.03802607995713369,0.0,0.0,0.02925320782034497,0.0,0.0,0.026895631409470933,0.0,0.030345761228215643,0.0,0.0,0.07944885322500575,0.04349934918124489,0.0,0.0,0.035813266426719816,0.0,0.02857024663328852,0.09162559709127764,0.13284993716360627,0.0,0.0,0.044119347225164716,0.02524460649987671,0.024347992781520042,0.0,0.0,0.022157311275424717,0.0,0.0,0.07261865361862899,0.0,0.0773957423008667,0.0,0.03711914770804517,0.0,0.0,0.06563724543864813,0.0,0.0627057114409075,0.022412581082460564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03416533883097166,0.035225117928359966,0.1028635809008584,0.04242412208893119,0.0,0.03662933085017478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594513644515287,0.0,0.0,0.04893975381186843
ptsd,izzyjones19,2020/02/18,"My anger and resentment So I need somewhere to share my story, so I guess this is the right place. Ever since I have gotten this diagnosis, I have zero trust for people, my patience is very short with everyone, and I hold resentment towards anyone that wrongs me. 

Before I tell my story, I just need to get this off my chest. Any attempt I try to talk to someone it's seems pointless because it seems like I'm annoying them and it only amplifies my irritation with people. I really get upset when with dealing people online any social media thus is why I have disconnected from it. But still have Reddit because I still to talk to people only to be more angry at the toxic and indifferent attitude people have on this platform as well. 

Here is my story:


I was in the military and I worked everyday with a coworker(let's call him Dan) that got hurt bad enough to the point he was in the process of being medically retired. He was a quiet kid, though we didn't talk much which I had idea how it felt. Even growing up I had issues talking because of speech impediment and the fact people thought it was funny to always make fun of me. 

Anyways Dan, was always depressed just like everyone else was because our job sucked. After a few months of working with him,  he was found in his room intoxicated with sleeping pills. He was attempting to end his life. So as it was engraved in me to never leave your battle buddy behind, I kept that in mind whenever I worked with him. 

We worked on a detail which had us just keep track of what goes on at the barracks. Dan has a room at the barracks so he sometimes took breaks to go to his room. If he took too long, I would go to his room and check on him. Well one weekend, my scheduled weekend off, Dan was working and the other dude had no idea of the situation even though he has been in longer and knew him. 

Well, Dan didn't show up and I called his phone repeatedly while knocking on his door. It was an hour of this, I even asked the other guy working with him if he saw him and he said the last time he saw him was Saturday night, SO A WHOLE DAY WENT BY without Dan being seen. I asked the police desk and they said Dan should be fine. I was shocked at the carelessness. No police responded until I had the sergeant with the master key to find him at his fate. He was 20. I don't want to share the details just know he passed.

Ever since then, I had lost faith in people and know how careless people are. Should I be surprised that old friends fall off and never contact me? No. But it sickens me to see how superficial people are on who they care about. People will cry over a famous person over someone that actually gave a shit about them. 

I guess I cared too much and I think this world is asking me to stop caring. I wish people had different priorities but no instead I am marked as the angry, bitter veteran that comes off as stand offish but really I'm just tired of how people seem to not care. I have more issues such as a hair trigger anger response or the wall that I put up because I don't want to be vulnerable again and don't trust many people.",4.3750270941521805,5.384022784789647,5.175634078422519,83.55412169790024,70.34304207119743,7.755309701211711,26.508015353352903,7.97965635744439,1.4958294874689542,2443,75,487,31,43,794,285,618,0.111,0.8170000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9731,3,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,4,1,4,10,36,37,9,2,29,0,53,9,4,7,5,82,101,43,0,10,14,0,2,2,1,4,5,4,5,3,28,28,0,4,13,3,1,10,13,19,3,2,41,11,73,18,79,50,7,79,1,3,4,0,62,39,2,8,30,337,101,8,0.0,0.0,0.05769928560209937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839656711489526,0.0,0.0,0.0804165838485222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04134287484589628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658268959407259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936845785106977,0.18021592340947856,0.0,0.050312602432735214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075026841071085,0.0,0.2411350949428301,0.0,0.0,0.05093255390526104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494807864463187,0.038131932856553655,0.06095719576827713,0.050925877343873285,0.0,0.0,0.061774983540749326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939290401844253,0.0,0.0523688476283306,0.061093851344506414,0.0,0.11715819894381907,0.10696725877014764,0.0,0.1129964959254461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567710573337812,0.0,0.05404087829921931,0.0,0.0,0.06482954945911262,0.04568126488585733,0.0,0.061782687309018536,0.0,0.06720631352842231,0.0,0.04728915078694762,0.0,0.13026980325452472,0.05854488669700202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058228046289681486,0.0,0.06329652585623131,0.13349405458612615,0.0,0.12342615910311128,0.058674284509790224,0.052554669331322655,0.0,0.0,0.06498915122770403,0.04819628195084913,0.0,0.06260680683804573,0.0,0.06046121968252196,0.0417630493685027,0.05777279375930248,0.0,0.0,0.052325409936838985,0.0,0.0,0.06454395157952865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039467637763206685,0.059945355082971816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059564090363454725,0.0,0.0,0.05970127280006484,0.0,0.047194495053338566,0.0,0.08693008973470044,0.08768363407193099,0.09120455801700343,0.0,0.0,0.05548655216408336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062043692710163675,0.0,0.04006589013049719,0.08993728183242149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5328845538594802,0.05162729298063925,0.061774983540749326,0.0,0.05589399360324698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943882462424279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575636029616338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050494014846169874,0.11248636636836327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04711645174493621,0.16148061638787814,0.0,0.0,0.0606928714769533,0.09782069815716787,0.06646106726052176,0.059169560089925376,0.060272387116120464,0.10019599215617844,0.0,0.05847797579591306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443757255502162,0.04943270196652085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009571953351206,0.05167948121924509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037886104052251963,0.11618367827321295,0.046940121812806,0.03447734718962197,0.0679576269440092,0.0,0.0,0.13138423265918833,0.04014325632949711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112233173500457,0.0,0.0,0.04878585125349282,0.06974910717191561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948644229676345,0.05481119101117855,0.05335279399506298,0.06601302695500245,0.06799297028659645,0.05699618249465604,0.0,0.2582703469533453,0.0,0.0,0.042002024470515965,0.06464593884127479,0.0,0.0
ptsd,swanmoonstar,2020/02/18,"Just walking my pug I feel so on edge especially around men. Every sound that there might be someone out there freaks me out. When there is I hate to make eye contact as well. I’m glad I am forced out of my house to walk my pug when I haven’t been able to work recently due to the flu and preciously laryngitis, all which contributed to more depression from my bipolar. Anyway I feel so small and insignificant. I wanna be invisible and then I would finally feel safe that nobody could do anything or see me. I feel sorry for existing and I know I am not a bad person but in my head that’s how I feel. Ugh. WhTver.",1.577132307692306,3.8418631440000017,3.169599999999998,89.46418461538461,81.56,7.046153846153848,21.615384615384613,8.139509932561175,1.1164523076923074,483,15,104,10,13,159,87,125,0.134,0.7879999999999999,0.077,-0.7187,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,12,9,1,0,2,0,11,4,2,2,1,26,21,13,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,4,8,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,5,1,0,1,8,18,4,16,15,2,15,0,1,2,0,3,7,0,2,6,72,22,1,0.2030007856681548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670523498169789,0.18071373791050904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694971766844272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620796090317536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748442792360166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103691727751386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5132164836247841,0.0,0.0,0.2223774380994512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042124846483544,0.20833737182361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23423565125384366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115639228740301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355046007604278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153517536457624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772524559401136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043878565004225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176534357719846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720019069341788,0.0,0.0,0.2272427596363876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252208572995052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778698969410514,0.0,0.0,0.14420593376157914,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nicolejade25,2020/02/18,Thoughtful coworker My co worker just bought me a Shamrock Shake for no reason. She’s very sweet and it made me smile. People usually don’t do nice things for me so this is really special.,1.4918918918918926,4.197063594594596,2.923027027027029,87.28616216216219,88.72972972972973,6.203243243243244,20.913513513513514,7.554174236665415,1.2093070270270276,151,5,28,3,5,49,33,37,0.087,0.599,0.315,0.883,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,5,3,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,18,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925966787782257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876454761744642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658011611019083,0.4265952843226308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756469284189825,0.0,0.0,0.3293911912170025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569633556557955,0.3423431605697165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bifemalehan,2020/02/18,"Can a traumatic childhood past lead to issues with intimacy and sexual orientation perception as an adult? Hi! I'm new to this sub but was looking for some insight. 

I (22F) grew up in a household where my sister, mother, and I suffered frequent verbal, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse at the hands of my narcissitic/manipulative father. On top of this, our mother enabled our father's behavior, and when my older sister finally cut ties with them as an adult, they  stalked her and called her crazy for asking them to attend counseling with her for the abuse she had endured. Now that I'm essentially the age she was then, and I have taken the steps to cut ties with my parents, my sister and I are finally able to have a real relationship after years of our abusers keeping us apart and basically divide and conquering us.

So there's my backstory and here's the gist of what I wanted to ask. I pretty much pushed my traumatic past under the rug and didn't validate it for what it was for all of college because I went to college where I grew up and felt it was too hard to realize my past in the same place my parents lived. It wasn't until last fall when my long term boyfriend (23M) and I moved to a city to start our post grad lives. I was finally out of my hometown and away from my parents physically. Then all of a sudden I was hit with immense feelings of isolation, depression, OCD fears, relationship anxieties, and general sadness. It was like all of my childhood trauma resurfaced at once and I was just drowning in it. I had panic attacks after speaking on the phone with my mother, got on SSRI, even took myself to a mental health crisis center at one point. One of my low points to say the least. So I knew I had to go to therapy, and I started therapy for my trauma. I did and it has been somewhat helpful but obviously digging up trauma can mess with your mind a lot. It's very difficult.

My problem now is that since last fall when all this began, I haven't been able to see intimacy the same. Nowadays, I dissociate multiple times a week (something I did on and off growing up), and I feel like I don't know how to be a sexual being anymore. It tears me down because I love my partner a d never had these issues with intimacy with him early on in our relationship,  and now I feel like a stranger in bed. It makes me doubt our connection and whether I am really in love because of that wall that comes up. 

I wondered if anyone knew insights about how childhood trauma affects ones ability to be sexually intimate ( I was not sexually abused as a child, but I was physically). 

I mentioned sexual orientation in the post title because I have identified as bisexual since before entering I to my current relationship. When I wasn't actively dealing with my trauma, I was for all intents and purposes confident about my sexual orientation identity, and I never questioned its validity or whether I really was attracted to my partner. Now, however, I have constant obsessive thoughts that I am not attracted to the opposit sex, and therefore, not really attracted to my partner. These thoughts arise mainly when I'm trying to be intimate and hit that wall of disconnection, but they have also trickled out into everyday thought. So I guess my other question is, does anyone have thoughts as to whether childhood trauma can also affect ones perception of sexual orientation? Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this!

tldr: I was psychologically,  physically, verbally,  emotionally abused growing up. Could this be affecting my ability to be sexually intimate as an adult? Could it be affecting my perception of my sexual orientation?",8.814882093806688,7.976870970631424,9.392983069879936,63.39413384296451,61.02643171806167,12.945685410728169,40.73425757968385,12.108454555606663,5.202860378336355,2925,141,488,84,34,991,299,681,0.16,0.7440000000000001,0.096,-0.9945,5,1,1,0,5,0,74.0,8,2,4,4,26,29,3,4,28,0,50,5,1,10,8,106,88,56,1,5,13,11,6,3,3,0,1,2,2,7,29,40,0,1,20,1,0,17,10,20,0,4,37,10,89,9,97,40,14,104,0,4,2,3,57,39,0,10,49,375,118,5,0.13185969598582845,0.3905804447153887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105448151240271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043615325664979,0.0,0.06538469333033763,0.13829904798589754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232710159962038,0.07500472003382849,0.06194326246722475,0.0,0.0,0.1607608935910223,0.0,0.056101444679214636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673217461996781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056792726218192965,0.0,0.07124674367274059,0.0,0.10527923772356906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797077831078399,0.056785281468344384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057695654272004564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148324410154184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354604280011444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418940858084075,0.10000833634649704,0.09420059315908888,0.06330299325402043,0.2166687775521816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037469451968316365,0.0,0.05273012224616809,0.0,0.07262916056098137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059060193859756326,0.0,0.0,0.07008034539778449,0.0,0.0,0.04419138736810013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762726438467598,0.0,0.05860147818963315,0.0,0.0,0.036233320242424386,0.1074832513076346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096629980452245,0.0,0.116434527337105,0.058345840782404776,0.05536446745752637,0.0,0.0,0.056051199089900215,0.11900852377345852,0.0,0.04400868548893009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644177991111655,0.0,0.06657035198585444,0.0,0.0,0.07007299453053553,0.04846602426032896,0.0,0.10169832643667873,0.06367545802644323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021313639498697,0.17870308511150354,0.0,0.0,0.07735447124037084,0.21962188177396652,0.0,0.1888125000811076,0.0,0.0,0.0688826586997586,0.0,0.12465003352689685,0.0,0.1262851393678696,0.0670743576169962,0.0,0.06308596050875767,0.0,0.0,0.14771303701321162,0.0,0.06594768954611173,0.07504260089656352,0.12670904656350962,0.0,0.0,0.2831359327502524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052430061354298604,0.0,0.0,0.05253755288415765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907570311997797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075601802588831,0.0,0.0,0.09333097149689998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069934607744237,0.15079305404624904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936373948355655,0.07688844911692239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650097398767786,0.044762039038305064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861097881480404,0.0,0.0,0.054399029326407056,0.038887132529680866,0.0,0.05288494723278996,0.0,0.0,0.06111762961231364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149810776929245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04245666051246133
ptsd,scrubmypuppy,2020/02/18,"Does anyone have any articles or advice that they think could help? I was sexually abused when I was younger , it made me really awkward and paranoid around people which led to a lot of bullying growing up 


I want to become better but I am very scared and feel worthless 

I’ve read that children who went through sexual abuse are more likely to become pedophiles themselves , I do not wish to have that happen to me 


I am currently 22 , I’ve been seeking therapy and have received meds but I don’t feel they help much 


I have trouble sleeping , things in my life that happened to make are starting to make sense , I was raped on multiple occasions by the same man when I was 10 , I started having insomnia and a lot of bad dreams at around 10-11 , sleeping problems persist till today 


I’m currently on zopiclone and fluvoxamine but sleeping is still a huge hassle for me , some days I wake up screaming as the dreams feel so real 


I really wish someone could help me",5.229260033444817,6.554909994565217,5.641956521739132,79.82210702341138,68.6195652173913,8.487625418060201,32.0886287625418,8.841846274778883,2.732283946488294,765,33,138,13,13,245,117,184,0.231,0.659,0.11,-0.9828,2,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,6,10,1,2,5,0,19,7,4,4,0,31,35,14,0,6,5,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,7,0,0,4,3,0,4,2,8,0,0,7,4,20,2,22,26,6,23,0,1,0,1,9,9,0,4,11,94,28,1,0.0,0.2889006743883147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913475000779733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290695337594615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524639155855633,0.0,0.0,0.21706189445492316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179463581817448,0.0,0.2692929385618975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782465504992793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467975924645964,0.0,0.0,0.0786256323802071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668937509533516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493293894942686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156195532681262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451528574754136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611276483352928,0.05956192229730814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729697859228044,0.0,0.11535971770192747,0.16275954273593735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542101673733808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962217184178571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452109435308623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665699590192898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194883436948628,0.13876691921089526,0.1562048207080315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205902644398944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660116651230394,0.0,0.10329889747364106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258532122888848,0.0,0.09736214907493353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942139063944836,0.0,0.0809954682927411,0.07811874894295251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556196317090435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059333788408628,0.07190912246668567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301720715228734,0.0,0.0,0.2803944036250695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lschmitty153,2020/02/18,"Recent c-ptsd diagnosis. Looking for support. Hello, recently I was diagnosed with c-ptsd. In my childhood from the ages of 12-17 I repeatedly experienced sound torture by my alcoholic father and was severely emotionally neglected. I’m looking to find resources / a community to connect to. I want to know others who have experienced this and who deal with triggers etc. I may have loved with this for my entire adult life, but the diagnosis is new. With the diagnosis I want something good to come out of it rather than just feeling like a ton of bricks just hit me.",4.863450854700859,7.2500323750000035,6.2762820512820525,70.64649572649573,71.40384615384616,9.622222222222225,33.67094017094017,9.994966539143718,3.9545888888888903,453,23,76,13,9,153,71,104,0.063,0.787,0.149,0.7964,0,0,2,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,5,0,6,4,0,1,0,20,17,3,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,8,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,6,9,4,19,13,2,9,0,1,2,1,7,2,0,1,7,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084660220256156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189036260719586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937539308317477,0.0,0.19075124846288385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114028867984436,0.0,0.0,0.2095984993745877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502617038594394,0.13426163172505529,0.0,0.0,0.17177024736959567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763193616273033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328479971137004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274486919358558,0.09181611575890487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31563808639219865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696197237742438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815099164191553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393746326224952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711285744878362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212314369222858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468243928174426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326772955818346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169923527874014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AndyPandy85,2020/02/18,I have a hard time feeling safe Or convincing myself I’m safe. Anyone else experience this? Any suggestions on techniques I can use to convince myself I’m in a safe place?,2.391363636363636,5.2013268484848485,4.0759848484848495,80.53397727272728,83.54545454545455,6.936363636363637,26.431818181818183,8.07648339933343,2.243490909090909,138,6,24,3,4,46,25,33,0.038,0.546,0.41600000000000004,0.9163,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,5,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590429258566504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663525046918067,0.3903039790045657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182150188721102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726189857039289,0.0,0.0,0.1926077674711569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412351160306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397986875724172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221211711404815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289979918149678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mechaemissary,2020/02/18,"[child abuse, trauma] i hate looking at myself in the mirror. as i’ve gotten older, i look more and more like my physically abusive father. my (mother’s side) family used to tell me all the time that i looked like him and would laugh at me like it was a fucking joke when i got upset, no matter how much i told them “i don’t want to look like my abuser.” my aunt would tell me “don’t be mad at me rylee, but you look like him.”


when i look in the mirror, or look at pictures of myself, sometimes i see him and i just feel rage. one of those days is today. i want to look like my mother or my grandmother, the ones who raised me. not the face id see hovering over me with a fistful of my bangs, screaming about opening a box of cereal when we already had one open. i just want to die.",1.0706827309236928,2.7072785180722927,2.94286746987952,93.67462248995984,80.08433734939759,5.6314859437750995,18.29558232931727,6.42735559955562,-0.22266538152610416,598,12,138,5,15,200,97,166,0.162,0.6970000000000001,0.142,-0.821,0,0,0,0,2,1,21.0,1,1,1,0,7,15,4,1,8,0,8,2,1,2,1,23,28,11,1,5,6,4,1,6,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,0,3,5,12,32,8,18,20,4,17,0,0,10,1,15,10,1,2,13,91,36,0,0.0,0.3706302493659784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506501918252512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724580526354212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821625058471808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829688740722824,0.0,0.0527222655129036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963963380647324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833945931054691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294546856094387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056476093108247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7004872417426526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665076810861456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119690383040338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618007540651153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312612757845678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822739142683117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080092986207969,0.0,0.09883618148449404,0.09963487018937246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005617844710401,0.0,0.0,0.18450421445325907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814145240651833,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,andceasedtobe,2020/02/18,"I feel like I deserved this 'cause I was a bad person \[TW: NSFW, CSA/CoCSA, sexual assault, psychiatric hospitals\]

tl;dr: I'm a victim of CSA/CoCSA and have suffered from PTSD as well as schizoaffective disorder for years. I caught a 2nd degree menacing charge when I was 15 and in the middle of a psychotic episode which wasn't being treated properly, and I feel like all the trauma \[Including sexual assault\] I got after that is deserved because of what I did when I was 15, even though I know it isn't but at the same time I don't know that.

This is *very* long by the way.

I have issues with trauma. I have PTSD and Schizoaffective disorder \[It's a shitty combo, believe me\]. I've had issues with trauma since I was like. 7-8 due to CSA and CoCSA *primarily*. I've dealt with emotional abuse in the past by my mother, and it played a part, but the sexual abuse was way worse for me. I've already had issues with that for a decade, or almost a decade. Dates are blurred, since it happened multiple times. I also was almost incarcerated when I was 15, 'cause after I was sent to 2 psychiatric hospitals over the course of two months \[Which didn't help at ALL, and made me feel so much worse.\] I did something incredibly shitty since I was already in the middle of a 2 month long major psychotic episode, and caught a 2nd degree menacing charge. And I got sent right back to the hospital. And I guess I should consider myself lucky I never did end up going to jail cause they found it was primarily caused by my MH issues \[I did deal with probation, but nothing came of it since, again, MH, impaired judgement, paranoia, past trauma. Mitigating factors, I guess\].

But, this time \[And this specific thing isn't traumatic in and of itself, I don't think, since I'm gonna talk about way worse shit that happened after, but it still sucked and probably added on to psychiatric wards messing me up\], one of the people at the immediate psychiatric center where they check you out and decide if you go to the hospital gave me the wrong medicine which made me very physically ill \[And I KNOW they gave me the wrong medicine 'cause I specifically told them what I was taking. I'm not being a crazy schizo or whatever people paint us as. Just because we have issues IRT delusions doesn't mean we can't figure ANYTHING out, or that EVERYTHING we say is crazy and wrong. Even during an episode, I had times where I wasn't completely out of it\]. Nobody gave cared anyway, LMAO, except my family, since why would you give me a medicine that's been KNOWN to make me ill and the reason I had to stop taking it? It really didn't help.

And THEN when I was actually AT the hospital, I was getting undressed for that strip search they have to do. I already had issues with it, since I don't like being naked around people, and I don't like people looking at me without clothes on. I don't. And it's all women nurses, which is, like, a little better, but at the same time it isn't since one of my sexual abusers was also a woman, so it's just. I can't fucking win. But this one nurse, he was looking at me through a crack in the door and staring at me \[Which. He's a male nurse in an adolescent psychiatric ward and a female patient is getting stripped with more than enough women in the room with her. Shouldn't do that at all.\] so I'm! I'm mad already. And it still kinda messes with me. And the whole time fucking sucked. I got nurses talking behind my back about why I'm there, and what might happen to me after. Someone said I'd be back, or I'd be in jail. I haven't been to either since, by the way. The reason I'm trying to change and am trying to become better and the thing causing me to do that isn't because of the hospital, which fucked me up even more, it's because I wanted to be a better person. The hospital didn't do shit for me. I always left worse than I came in. Nobody gives a shit about us, especially not people with criminal circumstances. And there were freaks for nurses. So that's fun \[It's not fun it's horrible\]. And there's more shit that's less important but still sucked! And probably made everything worse for me!

Then, in like, early last June \[2019\], a few months after I turned 17, I was sexually assaulted by a 29 year old dude. There was definite coercion, and I mean, like, I had agreed that I had wanted to have sex with him AT FIRST, but then when I got to his house, I said I didn't want to and didn't think I could and I was really nervous and anxious, and I know I put myself in that situation even with my trauma, but I was honestly too nervous and scared of him and what might happen if I didn't go along with most everything. I was able to thankfully put my foot down on some stuff but I dissociated the entire time until I got back in his truck.

I told him repeatedly that I did not want to have sex with him or do any sexual thing anymore, but I felt like I had to so I just did what I had to do and then left and I was nauseous for months afterwards, and still do get nauseous thinking about it, but I told absolutely no one until like last December and it was my therapist. She and a couple of my friends know that it was what it was, but I had to lie to my parents in order to get myself tested and checked out without dealing with getting punished for sneaking out or w/e \[Keep in mind that he is an adult man\] and not using protection because he laughed in my face when I talked about it. I think I got that nervous because of my past trauma, too. I don't know. I feel stupid still.

I had turned 17 about 2 months before, so it's weird as fuck since I wasn't 18 \[And still am not 18\], but it wasn't statutory in my state, and I don't know if it could count as anything else, but I'm still so angry about it. I don't feel like I really can be, though, 'cause I *feel like* deserved it 'cause I was a bad person in the past \[And still kind of was a little before that since I was already sliding back down IRT my MH, but I'm trying and want to be better\]. Nobody deserved sexual assault, I wouldn't wish it on even my abusers since I know how traumatizing and evil it is, but except I did feel like and subconsciously tell myself that I did, in fact, deserve it since I was shitty when I was younger \[Impaired judgement and paranoia doesn't excuse me being shitty, I recognize that\]. I know I don't, since sexual assault is one of the most evil things you can do, but it's hard.

It's this mentality that I deserved it cause I was shitty when I was younger, even though A. Nobody does \[Which would include myself\], and B. Nothing I did or have ever done has ever come close to the absolute repulsiveness of that. Sometimes I feel like I seek out situations that sometimes just straight up give me more trauma, and bring up past memories, and give me anxiety attacks, and everything. Like, I know I can't keep doing this or thinking that it's my fault 'cause it'll just make me spiral again, and I'm aware that literally nobody deserves that, but it's something I can't shake.

Does anyone else deal with anything like this, or is it just me?",5.4169843633656,5.5034504163150455,6.012248366013073,81.75464705882355,67.69198312236287,9.1390220898486,29.17666914867213,8.908664292553953,2.103507858029288,5580,177,1138,87,85,1817,440,1422,0.182,0.733,0.085,-0.9994,1,0,2,0,4,0,219.0,5,4,5,6,68,79,23,5,57,0,136,14,6,19,8,224,243,120,0,16,49,2,10,16,1,9,2,3,2,9,91,87,0,4,32,1,2,15,42,46,1,7,90,16,167,33,150,133,21,151,0,1,3,6,63,60,11,24,86,787,258,1,0.030774343429424374,0.14585025882396088,0.030031319934709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163211919974047,0.0,0.16980126613448335,0.049220462644093264,0.02560671901453291,0.0,0.0,0.020927608829210985,0.0,0.02354228849042753,0.03476624850665317,0.03051987936922986,0.02151813646497851,0.03153195158709803,0.07597398749525898,0.027395690191879943,0.0,0.03501025837943597,0.0,0.11831785255186775,0.0513905826367711,0.11255852470469016,0.03398784450043013,0.05237339924188987,0.03467214664725125,0.0,0.1088696236513346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039530100925452,0.03137649412877252,0.3161372788506274,0.03255517481601286,0.026509371917857044,0.03226631357936588,0.0,0.0,0.04914161819455933,0.034051225667291136,0.0,0.0,0.09518099033655347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054012746839973,0.0,0.05386167063945998,0.031492837952125444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141603011557047,0.03461699424471777,0.02725693396940777,0.031798123263135636,0.0,0.1219569815723368,0.05567431099265169,0.0,0.0,0.11063198213298876,0.0,0.02901131213883455,0.0,0.1244834616278101,0.13191118256991202,0.02954819575375225,0.0,0.0,0.026176640799987744,0.0,0.033742479143603364,0.02377618139451373,0.11380153843735742,0.08039162138845063,0.11808621762424565,0.05246930569789352,0.0,0.14767832238170878,0.0,0.06780281763533454,0.0,0.10885460104324016,0.0,0.02756776701569008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412547874108492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035509460475115134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927225146893135,0.0,0.0547073008714813,0.0,0.03204674299818863,0.16912774330202046,0.050170394583766834,0.0,0.0,0.0668728283611664,0.0,0.0,0.2405566356397931,0.06168795365277401,0.0,0.05446865104585758,0.05168539552853881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735828353624844,0.04108422641166764,0.0,0.0,0.06704456360512714,0.0,0.0,0.031013299974037307,0.06529343029890672,0.031073314084548262,0.0,0.12281893660502124,0.0,0.022622683361964924,0.0,0.023735070830865724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059057625018329535,0.0,0.03229249662740891,0.0,0.10426745777022944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034171266480370034,0.03332561499619198,0.14688796496463716,0.10667527441379918,0.0806129089824357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663598944326057,0.0,0.07194712124848752,0.061873430154523325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914449726896767,0.06328230101021727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02628112114057266,0.05854689571023555,0.02447299308677894,0.0308104864004717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635768516442364,0.3563959685735406,0.06918330281823529,0.0,0.0,0.02607500132123218,0.04738318614071777,0.06087322509924927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966114433246264,0.025728729090879632,0.0,0.0,0.035229260529532916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627695268926445,0.07420575461148213,0.026898132591410547,0.028332880766378462,0.0,0.0357313846538743,0.08178042532490551,0.09859478328025052,0.09070690850860046,0.0,0.12561336994088074,0.0,0.0,0.08821861185698919,0.0,0.06268127732286669,0.06694729715207705,0.030062061843554092,0.0,0.07403549200126372,0.0265791519128753,0.0,0.050784112558490996,0.09075752545209546,0.09770896554599373,0.0,0.0,0.02766983059312113,0.0,0.055538116604274206,0.034358455423789784,0.035388976183678186,0.0593307377619177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680842540147952,0.0437224212264301,0.10094074050812772,0.0,0.039635336384133316
ptsd,lostinSanBol,2020/02/18,"Trauma from lockdown-style boarding school resurfacing as a returning college student I'm in my 30s and currently go to a large, public research university as an undergraduate. I'm attending school at this age because of trauma and tbi I experienced at a series of institutions in what's called the ""troubled teen industry."" My parents purportedly did this because of discord in the home and to treat my dysthymia, but in reality they sent me away to fix me. 

Almost fifteen years later, I worked through community college and was accepted to a prestigious public school. Although my grades are objectively good, I experienced flashbacks and many emotional disturbances regularly that leave me as a panicked zombie for days. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist, but I avoid medications because of the side effects and because of their history being used as chemical restraints. In a strange way, it's like I was turned back into a teenager and sent away again and I'm here because I'm a failure. 

I have accommodations with disability services, but only for add — all I have is extended test time in a private test setting...but even this reminds me somewhat of solitary confinement. I spoke with a dean today and the response I got after briefly discussing my background was very cold and clinical. The dean asked me what I thought could be done, and I responded that I came to the dean's office *because I do not know that*. 

I want to get a degree, but I don't feel like I can be present as a learner. Panic and feelings of being trapped come up all the time and I just want to get out. Just seeking insight and advice.",6.719459459459458,8.103182837837842,7.204297297297297,69.7717837837838,65.21621621621621,9.974054054054056,39.46216216216216,10.125756701596842,4.428411351351352,1304,73,211,30,20,427,167,296,0.129,0.813,0.057999999999999996,-0.955,2,3,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,2,6,11,0,3,22,0,18,2,0,2,2,46,40,25,0,3,7,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,9,22,0,2,7,0,0,6,2,6,0,0,11,6,30,5,39,24,3,34,0,0,0,0,12,14,0,2,15,148,39,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704311815636907,0.0,0.0,0.13018505750966194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215407005475636,0.0,0.2442951395711689,0.099968760697422,0.0,0.4755130345069978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275354517149648,0.14869545992081276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199109011606954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038014670571882,0.0,0.0,0.08384493612438118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304416506116765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624242830122244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586960211576558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314727354944376,0.09287832984928326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584848925713378,0.0,0.0738870107390484,0.10904523335218093,0.10397993309238727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040945075297108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144944965106957,0.0,0.0,0.13766057283364902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270314888232382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180854185368926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309702125674544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887756908110454,0.0,0.15253734300900976,0.1443594135553817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947276122120008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509502651041104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321248413687407,0.15161838156625934,0.0,0.12323316362809575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141226754857847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228588162356368,0.0,0.10727089543323927,0.15336514562641113,0.1031949530859904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464797227644013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372142015530305
ptsd,Throwaway18273743,2020/02/18,"Please tell me I’m not crazy please tell me I did the right thing by leaving I’m so sorry if this doesn’t seem as bad as it felt, compared to other abusive relationships I’m sure you’d roll your eyes at me. I had a long term 10+ years best friend and he and I dated for almost 2 years. I loved him. Truly, as tight of a bond as you could have. He was a liar, I believe he had a problem, a true lying problem where he could convince himself his lies were true. He also cheated on me, upwards of 4 times. Those facts- I know are true, absolutely. Yet, I always believed that if I could show him unconditional love and forgiveness that he could be good. I thought we could be spiritual together and I could help him heal. It’s over a decade of friendship, love, our families loved each other. I couldn’t leave it behind or give up. He made me feel crazy, insane, like literally not in reality. I’d see a pornographic picture, hentai of weird things, maybe a notification on his phone from a girl and he would convince me I was lying. But I would see it, with my eyes, I saw those things I know I saw them but somehow he convinced me I hadn’t and I was lying. I felt crazy. I felt literally as if I hallucinated these things, he always blamed it on my “bipolar” (which I don’t have) or my jealousy or “oh, I see. Well, if you think I’m cheating/looking at porn then you just think I’m a disgusting, awful person.” I don’t understand how he could convince me these things, that I didn’t see them. Then, came the “I want you to gain weight but I’m also going to degrade you for it”. He had a fetish for big girls, I’ve always been curvy and a little over weight but he preferred the very large, obese girls. So, he’d set goals. 165 lbs and then 170 lbs and then 180lbs and if I didn’t hit those marks he’d make me feel HORRIBLE. He’d act all disappointed and pouty, and go right back to FUCKING IFUNNY AND STARE AT PICTURES OF FAT FUCKING HENTAI GIRLS, I CANT FUCKING STAND THAT HENTAI AND ANIME SHIT ANYMORE IT MAKES ME WANT TO FUCKING PULL MY HAIR OUT. He’d say “Moo for me, cow.” “You’re lucky I don’t brand you on your ass like the cow that you are.” And I let him? I let him WHY? Because I didn’t want him cheating or looking at porn. It didn’t matter. None of this mattered. All that I did, the suffering I endured was for nothing. This spiritual connection I had with him that I held out for so long for, meant nothing to him. He cheated for the last time and I left him. I disappeared actually, with no trace. I didn’t tell him we were over, I didn’t say goodbye, I just disappeared. Do you know how hard it was? The will power it took not the answer the calls and texts? It broke me. Tell me I’m not wrong or crazy or overreacting. Tell me the suffering I’m facing from being alone is better then the suffering I was facing with him.",0.6678751680628849,2.9112645443686027,2.471703381942291,93.15579480814979,85.29692832764505,5.326259178818908,19.97093804943634,6.714681859716394,0.1779974971558591,2197,65,489,26,66,725,245,586,0.177,0.6940000000000001,0.129,-0.9915,1,1,0,0,0,0,77.0,3,11,2,5,14,42,10,0,23,1,54,23,8,5,7,99,104,49,0,21,21,0,10,2,1,3,4,2,0,5,34,27,4,2,17,1,0,8,19,21,1,0,33,22,94,21,48,49,6,47,0,5,10,11,71,21,6,15,18,309,128,1,0.0,0.08196544268515847,0.06750842823910458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927247129439126,0.07164826594838182,0.0,0.11064435654271533,0.17268665081552895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860667765330264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319414714883138,0.05776132164092061,0.042170691044362205,0.0,0.0,0.15588140174461174,0.07259877356238417,0.06118293494644277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063918335204215,0.07912199891455543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866349179552172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652155179294404,0.0,0.06995765466292163,0.0,0.19926719075025495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344728899565822,0.2558183592263237,0.0,0.06636250892272776,0.07863169442574837,0.05802380812113191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197052361791574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046369021766272465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140564065792213,0.05638987047271458,0.0,0.14650050109292556,0.075162855718308,0.14147980750866562,0.0,0.06759443311947269,0.06933522737993926,0.0,0.12244193822996995,0.11618536323524765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249745896559332,0.06545855491333427,0.09235463364584427,0.0,0.06949929847334965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275764932043366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040416908101026,0.0,0.15187486867337613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238933874650838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742720301987361,0.0,0.11815645695352985,0.0,0.11002735152412987,0.0,0.0,0.2205058567580274,0.06297768675221868,0.0,0.0,0.07101093741406772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743988653194925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520010237065882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023261477952008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22979625880633686,0.08865383028512369,0.0,0.05492015736186763,0.08067730802339786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686007677276957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201746234973286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707966925521549,0.12241016194017372,0.0,0.0,0.1684820299821284,0.06219995581429639,0.0,0.06242301316535519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828512174028622,0.07563604432317188,0.0,0.0890976243414644
ptsd,gingerandgiggles,2020/02/18,"Getting worse? I was sexually assaulted and in an abusive relationship. my big trauma dates are most November, Christmas Eve, and Valentines Day. 

On Janurary 7th, while sleeping, I swore I felt my ex’s hand on my shoulder. My therapist said that physical triggers, especially phantom feelings, are normal for PTSD. 

Two weeks ago, I was in the shower and swore I smelled his blueberry vape. I just turned the shower hotter and continued to smell my favorite soap (citrus).

Starting two days ago, I’ve started having intrusive memories of his voice, just random phrases, but all in his voice. Haven’t remembered what his voice sounded like in a very long time. 

Feeling Like I’m going even crazier than I already am. Don’t see my therapist until next week.",4.883696900114809,7.744238253731346,5.337462686567168,75.15478185993112,73.17910447761193,8.302181400688863,34.188289322617685,9.057496981413335,3.697923765786452,602,32,93,14,13,192,98,134,0.07400000000000001,0.831,0.095,0.5921,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,4,0,8,3,3,1,1,16,19,7,0,1,3,1,4,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,4,13,17,2,11,15,2,24,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,2,18,55,19,0,0.0,0.191909181977748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871550863450207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873905659357606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891582651395835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069803361280354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379483645336354,0.11571213446280308,0.15551758692085024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462317680022012,0.0,0.09205186759457344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826172520088694,0.0,0.0,0.14333926247273368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722580253470809,0.0,0.15869721731795042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893354635882589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389626765045127,0.18348159987747933,0.0,0.15407153821576874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290699385175098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208800111386887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22928785395554274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37612169386048416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944466087153858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761779668500065,0.31644431725962224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336430607274971,0.0,0.0,0.2598467767575159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506231467076618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lyndseykburns,2020/02/18,"Medical marijuana and PTSD? Is anyone familiar with research behind treating PTSD with medical marijuana? Or is there any? I’ve struggled since I was 9 years old with carrying this dx. I’ve been on several different medications and PRN’s to help with panic attacks, nightmares, and just feeling like I’m not worth anything.",5.134736842105267,8.317739578947371,6.3325438596491255,66.58197368421054,74.26315789473685,10.115789473684213,37.57017543859649,10.125756701596842,5.229364912280701,264,16,38,9,6,88,44,57,0.23800000000000002,0.659,0.10300000000000001,-0.8707,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,11,6,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,2,7,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,20,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333106733503092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709335478078136,0.0,0.16134496341028115,0.0,0.0,0.22305248322922705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484641589866384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991364621482,0.14006902643143168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141837854142704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578755881204927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.592545221117019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573745798590826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300402813485155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583794807151597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149788150459027,0.0,0.16218716922023002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049699296155541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625956809989552
ptsd,Ordinary_Gene,2020/02/18,"PTSD and Sex I don't know what messed up part of me makes me the way I am so I am seeking answers.  I was raised by a narcissistic physically and verbally abusive mother and sister.  An emotionally absent, verbally abusive father.  I suffered sexual abuse by I don't know who all.  I know it was older kids in the neighborhood, but I have long thought there was an adult involved as well.  I am an HSP and have severe OCD.

I read this forum, and the CPTSD forum, and it seems most avoid sex.  I avoid romantic sex, but the crazier and kinkier it is the more I want it.  If I am ""making love"" with my wife I can't stand it.  I feel weird, and usually cannot complete the session.  If it's a kink fest, the weirder the better, it's the best sex ever.

I have always been that way.  In my teen and early adult years I would have sex with anyone, any sex.  Made life difficult in the 80's in the deep south.  But I was known to make you feel friggin' amazing.

But it seems to all boil down to I have to be giving others pleasure.  My own is not even a consideration for me.  My pleasure is in debasing myself to whatever level to make whoever I am with have amazing sex.  My germaphobic OCD is probably the only reason I haven't had anything worse than chlamydia.  Kept me faithful to my wife as well probably.

Does anyone else have this issue?  I feel so freakin' weird.",1.8063385076252736,3.9817946801470607,3.609477124183009,87.12746187363838,80.13970588235293,6.529629629629631,23.677015250544663,7.662118739084242,1.2103410675381263,1051,37,214,17,27,352,142,272,0.1,0.703,0.19699999999999998,0.9894,0,2,0,0,1,0,33.0,0,1,0,2,7,17,0,2,18,0,29,11,0,6,3,46,47,19,0,4,7,5,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,14,12,1,3,13,1,0,0,6,7,2,0,9,3,34,10,24,36,7,19,1,1,0,9,13,10,0,5,6,149,48,3,0.0,0.4378371943205612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249392401476876,0.0,0.0,0.08376523161497583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225777676001594,0.12621036877747555,0.1013649594209848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926766161590195,0.10894088898799813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914973958058848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077938562667126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289937341866187,0.13855861720215432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135787587137737,0.11142151005790492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684742151954808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816351608245712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856577971645547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030861438470328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700423061715487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090086117302388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117291127049846,0.11655395692231232,0.3288889589996409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368238344599347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338971889474005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656133327250333,0.0,0.14398843471783115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321128614888953,0.0,0.0,0.12664745037308028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242731633322297,0.0,0.13915602505331262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778953513099603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566311216877988,0.0,0.07265354778311252,0.19554585037913366,0.0,0.0,0.2215035446519592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255288569289434,0.08750208326924118,0.0,0.0,0.07932256282715454
ptsd,runner26point2,2020/02/19,"Does anybody have to face their abuser daily/often? How do you do it? I was sexually abused by a family member growing up and never told anybody/did anything about it. He has since stopped, but I still need to see him often and pretend nothing is wrong. Any similar experiences? How did you move past this?",3.0554022988505736,5.67161431034483,4.455862068965517,80.33367816091955,78.3103448275862,6.625287356321839,26.90804597701149,7.793537801064563,1.9440252873563213,242,10,42,4,6,80,48,58,0.141,0.7809999999999999,0.078,-0.4174,0,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,2,1,9,10,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,6,0,5,7,0,7,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,4,30,9,0,0.0,0.5548947081242236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592402987373401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269792619794016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491945814535747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22905840181690096,0.22075001733126387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488804443073533,0.0,0.1736304555076732,0.18060256193165306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246877301507544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235370855101236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659926826635503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370379157841888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870045523696693,0.1957725098934885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375478920286584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560227784018107,0.0,0.0
ptsd,yeahyouknow25,2020/02/19,"Work is severely triggering my childhood trauma right now I just need to get this off my chest. My therapist is currently unavailable and will be until I see her on Friday, and I have no one else I can really talk to about this.

I’ve mentioned to my boss several times for months and months that I’d like feedback. He only would give in because I asked so much, but I can count on one hand how many times in 8 months he actually gave me feedback. I kept asking to meet one on one and it just kept not working out. We even had a tiff a few months back because there was an issue with my work and he basically refused to talk about it with me by ignoring my messages. We eventually healed that, though I never did get feedback from it. Well, this week he sets up a meeting with us and the CEO to talk about my performance - completely out of the blue. Apparently my performance isn’t where he would like to be - go fucking figure. 

At first, I was just angry and I am still angry, but it’s turned into a huge trigger. Today was honestly one of the worst triggered days I’ve had in a very long time, not since my early 20s (I’m 31.) I just feel so voiceless and unheard and worthless. It feels neverending how horrible I feel. Like I’ve been screwed over so much through trauma, is it happening again? It’s honestly the only job I’ve ever enjoyed but now, this is just devastating. And of course this is affecting my work too because now I can’t focus because I feel like such a failure. I’m a hard worker who lives to improve and it just feels like I’m being pushed down and forced to never succeed. 

It doesn’t help that he and I have been flirting on and off for a long time. I always thought we had a genuine connection but after this he just seems like such an asshole. It’s triggerjng too honestly to feel this way in regard to someone I thought I could trust. But I don’t know maybe he’s just using me like everyone else.",4.39434249555072,5.1213167840616975,5.321092544987149,83.56112072374928,70.10539845758355,8.65813723551513,29.35742535099861,8.841846274778883,2.164307019972316,1515,56,312,26,26,497,191,389,0.14400000000000002,0.713,0.142,-0.4199,3,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,4,0,0,9,33,22,2,0,15,0,30,5,2,8,3,68,58,26,0,4,15,0,8,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,21,23,0,4,11,0,0,2,9,7,1,6,14,10,37,15,44,37,4,52,0,1,2,2,27,20,2,1,35,210,58,12,0.0,0.0,0.08525929365976287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269779619642447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335596845105327,0.0,0.0,0.06718117324076228,0.0,0.21303670817823794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916044686268235,0.0,0.0,0.06975683495888403,0.0,0.0,0.05634561376810144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597075386540487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770623318333625,0.0790300333210021,0.0,0.08348458155157189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650575807303121,0.18724875024118215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431581128783013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077099845809245,0.0912931282493601,0.0838120629353365,0.049653672147904095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725989414334307,0.0,0.0782652360483875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856142924086834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911902724137532,0.08669999985432511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04801557828144019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987876952104799,0.0,0.07714820398202593,0.15463718294321854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885781960595348,0.0877736491908795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789476001921531,0.0,0.1284521631631899,0.06478281861276584,0.13476832709342326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960166193332873,0.13289573766286425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597065632343277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461243228414224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962157942873043,0.07953722563058725,0.0,0.1974036304312548,0.0,0.07227233009173988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402725553385442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977279395198258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067106731970428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144184883308002,0.0,0.0,0.0858393500110065,0.1387220513495388,0.20378167514383408,0.0,0.08281535608673203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503210781320676,0.0,0.0,0.10509384481774582,0.07545854538175634,0.0,0.07208836600069991,0.0,0.06934924442872521,0.07008193857963578,0.0,0.0785549958238179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544219525391941,0.0,0.0,0.12412850180959502,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Digitalmodernism,2020/02/19,"This subreddit gets really sad and difficult (appropriately) but what are some of your victories? PTSD is tough, it sucks but lets talk about some of the positive things that we have been working on. What are some of your victories no matter what size? 

The more I have been going to therapy and working on myself, the better I have been getting at handling my triggers. I have been having so much trouble when someone randomly yells or swears but sometimes when I am in the right mind and mood, I am okay. I am very proud of my progress.",6.852607260726074,7.241699425742572,6.630445544554457,77.50758250825083,64.64356435643565,10.297689768976898,33.665016501650165,10.125756701596842,3.2891372937293726,426,17,79,9,6,134,67,101,0.132,0.6829999999999999,0.185,0.8102,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,2,0,5,4,9,1,0,4,1,16,0,0,1,0,15,20,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,4,1,12,3,10,15,5,8,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,5,2,65,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346935294908175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27728422650666423,0.0,0.15081288524959258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713534043843767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679427194066529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507360186259468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101971561248129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999943416685548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22662002026241504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484266543095344,0.0,0.2624524926399284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329010945022225,0.0,0.0,0.3034676831615056,0.0,0.17629652807683813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895368457563502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863773521017458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Abby499,2020/02/19,"Am I supposed to feel like this at the end of therapy? I have my last therapy session next week after being told I'm in recovery now and I really do feel like it has worked when I think about where I was a year ago, i.e flashbacks, nightmares, suicidal thoughts,etc. But my main worry is I still feel disconnected sometimes and my view of the world is still quite morbid. Just without the crippling anxiety. Is that normal? I mean, the good news is I don't wanna die anymore (yay) but I still don't think living is all it's cracked up to be either. I just can't relate to many people anymore because...i dunno...their bubble hasn't burst yet? Not sure how to explain it.",2.177204362801376,4.365517902985077,3.576268656716419,87.78164753157293,78.92537313432835,6.212629161882894,24.48679678530425,7.321109707123232,1.1603864523536171,525,19,104,7,13,172,91,134,0.057999999999999996,0.866,0.076,-0.2266,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,0,5,1,16,0,0,1,2,22,25,6,2,2,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,4,13,5,13,21,3,18,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,15,70,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626062715306989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175928956115951,0.0,0.3048914289028107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953372128618254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614741796490915,0.0,0.1714348132323873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331714275757613,0.2196305586894968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289303197119821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252996703247495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501964823585901,0.0,0.1357347094758103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584466115158666,0.0,0.167442608065659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347951112201958,0.0,0.15060978117733356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656784206497796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634966886126517,0.0,0.0,0.0984748883720166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520297996422003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36827519349359306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814117898359984,0.0,0.14487622091872826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515770081271269,0.0,0.0,0.19699097753961456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688294526276055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233023075277901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481774648847957,0.0,0.11190762723465883,0.1561068246689319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898854938943116
ptsd,tookanumber,2020/02/19,"Involuntary hand shaking With stress, I get violent hand shakes even if it's something stupid like a small dog barking at me. It's so bad I couldn't write my name.  It's really embarrassing, does anyone here have any strategies for managing that sort of reaction?",3.9440816326530586,6.739438102040817,4.607510204081635,79.48391836734696,76.14285714285714,8.817959183673471,28.16734693877552,9.3871,2.9792742857142867,213,9,38,6,5,68,43,49,0.314,0.54,0.146,-0.883,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,4,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,6,3,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,0,2,4,1,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,19,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28540013939765235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934534564747077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504193806362831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36726910451507794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27719793364287354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926805052512174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503685438012734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26886090846025323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230939578436208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807476615791617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,roughdayroughlife,2020/02/19,"Trans and tired. Sorry for probably depressing post, but here goes. I keep having terrors about getting a fun job. Painting murals, studying nature, something fun and dumb like that. They always turn fucked up at the end and I die somehow, get chased, or something awful happens. I’m exhausted and have been staying up until 3 almost every night to avoid sleeping, but I inevitably pass out and relive that or some other traumatic thing. Why’s this happening? Because in my current living situation, if I don’t get a job by the end of the month it’s over for me. I get kicked out. The anxiety is literally killing me. I’m disabled, transgender, and no place of the 19 I’ve applied to will take me. I’m just tired. If I go back to my parents, who bestowed me with my wonderful mental problems, I’m pretty sure I’ll just wilt and die.",3.540310559006212,5.620563621118016,4.652763975155281,82.18734472049692,74.27950310559007,7.084472049689442,29.51242236024845,7.957251820313856,2.16891801242236,657,29,119,10,14,215,111,161,0.309,0.574,0.11699999999999999,-0.9912,5,1,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,0,6,12,3,2,7,1,6,5,1,0,1,26,22,14,3,3,8,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,10,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,1,0,14,4,18,20,1,19,0,1,0,1,3,8,2,8,8,72,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362029111703309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317831418377497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405380407628452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458985457734647,0.0,0.08291563414703508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715256162095865,0.0,0.2823315216780187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24094409242552564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460147897527086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574694032990236,0.2842562743967725,0.0,0.07730246583472146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405614758811779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699548084437989,0.12089952021312793,0.15048435196147045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645178378763739,0.0,0.12010685503312594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707468755935348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856869391905416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764417739224967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510324822003896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211041504544664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026815390404575,0.13837974578486256,0.14665098205344188,0.13015136466373978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289052803269312,0.13611676216617888,0.0,0.0,0.2094274211787484,0.0,0.152261609688026,0.0,0.14497765642803162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819585595189156,0.0,0.10226900775458056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036466821707867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126665849824565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794910325161256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273556808754504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475062949347777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BunniiBaby,2020/02/19,"Complex ptsd complete mental break down last night. Feel like I can't get out of bed today. Long story short I was mentally and verbally abused as a child as well as neglected. When I was in highschool I was also sexually assult ed by an older guy and verbally and mentally abused . Well my husband and I are staying over at my grandparents while our house is being renoed and my dad and his wife came to stay over on Sunday night when I wasn't around. I have asked them multiple times not to touch my things. I am very protective of my clothing because I never had nice things growing up and I take good care of them.  When I got back on Monday night I noticed two of my shirts looked like they had been used as cleaning rags. They were literally covered in white crusty gunk and shredded toilet paper and tossed in a big heap of wet laundry. I approached my dad and said that I was upset that this has happened and that I couldn't afford to replace them because of the house renos and that I would appreciate it if him and his wife would pay the 60$ to replace them. He got all angry and said it was my fault for leaving them on top of the washing machine where laundry goes. Later in the day I also relize they had took a bunch of wet laundry and mixed it in with my clean dry laundry and put it with a lid on it in storage so all my clothing is all smelly not to mention the fact that they almost ruined a versace backpack by wrapping it in wet shirts. I lost my shit I was so mad because it felt like they honestly just don't give a crap. It caused me to have a complete mental break down .instead of saying sorry he left 60$ on the t.v stand convinced my Elderly grandfather it must have been him that did it and made it out that everyone that I was just made at him for ""moving"" a few things around around now everyone thinks I'm a crazy over dramatic bitch. I cryed for two hours and felt like I was dying it just reminded me of when I was a kid and I was trapped with my parents and I couldn't get out and Noone would belive me. It just felt like why does everyone in my life treat me like this and abuse me. I worked so hard to be diffrent then my parents ,married a nice man ,save and work hard take care of my things but it doesn't matter because to everyone else I'm just worthless and just something to step on or someone in the way.",5.048049568965516,5.134805343749999,5.418505747126439,85.69500000000005,68.47916666666666,8.287356321839082,29.676724137931036,7.873277556716777,1.7373232758620691,1855,63,391,20,29,592,227,480,0.091,0.833,0.076,-0.8029,5,1,1,1,3,0,25.0,1,0,10,4,24,27,4,1,19,0,37,6,4,4,6,70,64,42,1,7,11,7,10,6,0,4,2,3,3,4,28,34,0,2,6,0,1,7,9,10,2,2,30,15,63,17,61,26,5,70,0,4,2,0,35,34,3,3,29,268,91,5,0.0,0.2648921712575166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462386882574963,0.0,0.0,0.11919179140966454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990234070625629,0.06966880430173765,0.0,0.0,0.05730347113303313,0.0,0.18171374908292007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523428654852888,0.1519620232099553,0.07655549455121767,0.0,0.0,0.15627157938435726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185985069305249,0.04806107271247172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734295198994301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521544767118305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225427807293829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284839104661017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03768099179497325,0.05323913846958376,0.2146608663725648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787022594162334,0.07148910769693066,0.0,0.06250623032633734,0.11920546084208858,0.0,0.0,0.07378933732713848,0.06590030956913995,0.0,0.13351567048542093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338999512983194,0.17197872505278322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060746068656533876,0.0,0.07890893721695638,0.08096929387512547,0.0,0.052637692401925666,0.2184485994020041,0.0,0.0,0.06595037658187035,0.06258042439898621,0.0,0.08135049334329343,0.0,0.0,0.1410306438936382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004060167544496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920599507243377,0.0,0.0,0.057476615610512975,0.0,0.0,0.20980393741022,0.0,0.0,0.0848447579247911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549761004821045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711322291283542,0.07491604695088551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177659059479036,0.05926356093525205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649663394078962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314296842270747,0.057371330290487375,0.0,0.08342222857738595,0.0,0.15886288366363033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206381646385552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803867889668345,0.047751232765915384,0.0,0.0,0.0434548727557818,0.0,0.07063894746048442,0.0,0.08279762768464408,0.0,0.0,0.1455959904526145,0.0,0.0,0.06436381456941465,0.0,0.061489155382034866,0.0,0.059152769064889026,0.0,0.0,0.1340099828091246,0.0,0.06724528025516924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850704378658907,0.0,0.0,0.15881668205037294,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,duderUP,2020/02/19,"After years of not know what’s wrong with me. A really good doctor figured it out. I have PTSD. I was never in the service ( thank you those who did!) so I never thought I could have PTSD. But some crazy shit when down in my childhood and on the job that really fucked me up an as adult. I noticed I couldn’t handle the extra loud noises of work anymore and the dark and isolated nature of my job was starting to make me paranoid. I finally got help after taking my family to Disney and I had a full on panic attack on one of the rides. Anyway, I’m getting help and i look forward to better days.",2.4878048780487845,3.974627414634149,4.26878861788618,86.36513414634148,75.66666666666666,6.546016260162602,22.05609756097561,7.1686216300943375,0.7344868292682927,464,12,94,5,10,157,84,123,0.162,0.715,0.12300000000000001,-0.7301,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,3,8,3,1,8,0,8,3,1,1,2,18,19,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,6,2,16,3,19,11,3,21,0,0,1,1,5,10,2,1,11,72,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699969723068134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157030336195813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892911246006907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444737544066246,0.0,0.0,0.1085989622834758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723564315054326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874506857765527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446529509971946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556757665512359,0.087977912817639,0.0,0.0,0.1412392892331482,0.13467853103718785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22573932627905374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33420631649903365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254388453848768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140693841038268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240302244809282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25974870965575336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191715501669067,0.0,0.0,0.11410683291360965,0.0,0.0,0.1975718263495704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936826656408808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575255955383552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285205250928376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119188782483712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660988915403998,0.0,0.0,0.15503280509124748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336845036811334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259144137468858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411030724336566,0.0,0.1084389799793874
ptsd,Elder2010,2020/02/19,"I’m new here Hi everyone... not gonna lie. Been drinking ALOT tonight...

But I look forward to working toward better tomorrows together....",2.568749999999998,5.4823183750000055,3.958333333333332,77.37,94.41666666666666,7.4,35.16666666666667,8.07648339933343,4.149866666666666,107,7,16,3,4,35,23,24,0.0,0.873,0.127,0.4404,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,4,8,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027217083854565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460714596662212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43510820725311533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823808714998901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397816551199587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315015707025535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,zeroseveneleven3,2020/02/19,Started EMDR for childhood abuse/sexual assault and am freaking out Hi so yesterday was my first session of EMDR and when I left the session I felt okay but since I’ve been incredibly anxious. I feel like I have one foot on a banana peel but the foot is my brain and the banana peel is insanity. I just wanted to know if anyone else who has done EMDR experienced anxiety after doing so and what you do to calm yourself because this sheer panic is awful. I’m already on Zoloft for depression/anxiety so I’m surprised at how intense the anxiety is given I haven’t felt like this since starting meds. Thank you if you have any words of wisdom!!,3.0338095238095235,5.3674186507936525,4.706587301587302,80.02035714285716,76.7777777777778,7.057142857142857,27.16666666666667,8.07648339933343,2.0627428571428577,514,21,91,9,12,173,83,126,0.174,0.664,0.163,-0.3949,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,6,10,1,1,5,2,14,4,3,1,0,17,25,13,0,3,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,6,4,11,7,11,19,0,12,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,9,61,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233466504764253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246863706938688,0.0,0.4207937753885453,0.2071367724957211,0.0,0.1282047252416425,0.1878668813229275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177032575021548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046826574787451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763384288890586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316795728828722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270881810035192,0.13098746527299554,0.3520953893160337,0.0,0.0,0.1559600222339676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076604865883412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921364008747627,0.0,0.0,0.1791540907099897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366391967252348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424478111134775,0.0,0.0,0.2151253145125528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30334309785982844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595564842611735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880686670379824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814638742657398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,stretcher-jockey,2020/02/19,"The flashbacks and nightmares are getting worse and I don’t know how much more I can take. That’s it. I can’t form how I’m feeling into anything but that. 
I want to reach out to a friend who knows my situation really well, but everything in me tells me he doesn’t give a shit and I’d be annoying him. 

God I can’t wait to fucking end this shit.",0.2134999999999998,2.210683066666668,2.3835833333333305,94.671375,85.0,5.883333333333333,21.375,7.1686216300943375,0.4905,270,9,64,4,8,91,55,75,0.192,0.635,0.17300000000000001,-0.6716,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,3,0,7,3,2,2,0,14,17,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,1,9,2,6,16,3,4,0,0,0,1,6,3,3,0,1,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363299578128474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191701911269117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22239508574268174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251198323870922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911818191419613,0.2287666044706839,0.12928414505082994,0.2373797701825884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719877434928715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819066605881053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852493149197253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080145484984383,0.0,0.2781478965771053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605409869394632,0.0,0.21628510630113812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459543778611833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224902502368792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521760708972292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,insufficientbugjuice,2020/02/19,"“I just don’t understand that” I was talking with a friend today and he happened to mention wanting kids in the future and I said I didn’t want kids. He looked me dead in the eye and told me he couldn’t possibly understand how a person couldn’t want kids. He may not know my history with my parents and the abuse and trauma I went through, but I wish he could respect that some people don’t want kids. I’m so terrified that I won’t be able to stop the cycle or that I’ll be blind to it continuing or I’ll marry someone toxic who continues the cycle, and I just can’t do that to my hypothetical kids. Sure, having a family would be great, in theory. But in theory everything is great, but I know what my family is like, I know what I’m like. And I’m so worried that I’m not capable of being a good parent no matter how much I want to be, that I’ve just ruled out the possibility entirely. I’ve grieved it, so let it be, please.",4.882210429164744,4.216006893401016,6.668657129672357,79.14965851407476,68.8984771573604,10.41236732810337,29.07660359944624,10.018931242160765,2.4835624365482225,726,22,160,16,11,255,96,197,0.157,0.645,0.198,0.7378,2,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,10,0,22,2,1,2,1,42,42,17,2,10,10,2,0,2,1,3,1,1,0,6,13,10,0,1,5,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,5,4,17,8,14,24,2,11,0,1,3,0,19,5,0,4,7,101,30,0,0.1346032417935204,0.15948283104034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746973580665692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097271445688206,0.0,0.25378391396237715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399413071189592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289881300885328,0.0,0.29680109853708697,0.0,0.0,0.11902920218397753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192326453250466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764093438252087,0.0,0.13152068973590006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303282241384567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894887036573807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989219415839931,0.0,0.0,0.09331693973091748,0.11753035884503578,0.0,0.14775393889439495,0.0,0.3034898612269542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803850677785628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140488899676203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253433727357448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686196242645895,0.0,0.0,0.10818898707345276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275881344763021,0.12861916582891175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28025344349067216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969623972977964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477855367476698,0.0,0.0,0.15478708519000467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669612583816215,0.0,0.09561828101444243,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,GuyOnZeCouch92,2020/02/19,"I’m a newbie here... I’m a bit afraid... drunk... havin bad thoughts I’m seeking help (therapy and all).... But it’s usually unavoidable at night; I get to thinking about the bad times...

I’m in southern Ohio for what it’s worth... 

I just don’t know how to handle it sometimes... the people I love can’t understand.... 

I just feel very alone often times... People mean well in their words and platitudes, but nothing keeps me from thinking of “then”...


Sorry... had too much to drink.... Just started cryin tbh...

I might start a private account just for this sub; but, for tonight...     I don’t know....


The thoughts just hit me particularly hard😔",0.9576962809917368,3.514669537190084,1.9874741735537207,94.28302944214876,89.16528925619835,5.008471074380164,22.438533057851238,6.6274283507984215,0.5758962809917358,478,18,100,6,16,150,80,121,0.057,0.888,0.055,-0.0378,0,2,1,0,1,0,55.0,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,1,6,0,5,3,0,1,1,25,24,7,0,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,1,9,2,2,0,3,3,1,0,3,1,9,2,12,19,3,11,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,8,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829886758515004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950432260320011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928903601034804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308053685017813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933543905771027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230875426354952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827185638848865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842583740480925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704257189211054,0.0,0.0,0.1941989852422328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946188754820131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245787184178206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874310751664932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298811793551983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580355215135936,0.0,0.16953059600776454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449773128540176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474245076376838,0.19778039436126607,0.2501120492836871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205061171202876,0.0,0.0,0.2264206509160437,0.0,0.2805306378369136,0.2060487238742255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393159833145314,0.0,0.0,0.19458963240119528,0.1457806822928333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588578230306352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,maso_C4L,2020/02/19,Does happiness blind people from realizing living in this society is torture or is it just me? Felt like this for a while have a past for thinking unrational things although it kinda don't happen anymore but just wanna get other peoples opinions,5.6931818181818175,8.503304681818186,6.131818181818183,70.69272727272728,70.36363636363637,8.036363636363637,33.72727272727273,8.841846274778883,3.590109090909092,202,10,28,4,4,65,38,44,0.095,0.816,0.08900000000000001,-0.0644,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,8,4,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,2,5,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206895745263436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829774657966208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104795471061205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894401545071164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28594916178622204,0.34422632223157074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579790097618113,0.0,0.2855357816183804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30868692774088513,0.44835889356407305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482825574720765,0.20719819182862287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tacobellerina-,2020/02/19,"I’ve been fucked up since No one has really understood, but I figured I could start here. I was sexually assaulted twice in college. One time at a party and one time by a guy I was dating. I don’t remember who assaulted me at the party, but I know the guy I dated by name obviously. When it happened, I didn’t process it. I knew what he did was bad but because I felt that I let it happen, I never said anything. That happened 4 years ago and I still don’t think anyone believes me. I told my mom when i went inpatient after trying to kill myself and she blamed me (I’m black, he’s white) for being attracted to white dudes and denied it happened. I used to see this man everywhere, I moved to the other side of town and he takes the train that way. We shop at the same grocery store. His work building is where my job is. 

I ended up getting absolutely drunk one night and I found his fucking wedding registry. Someone wants to marry him. Someone wants to start a life with him and I still can’t come to terms with what happened. I used to be affectionate, but now I don’t want anyone to touch me. Not even my partner. I drink too much some nights. I’ve gained weight and it’s only spiraled since I found him.

I don’t know what I was expecting to get from this..I just needed someone to understand",1.2923684210526292,3.5210190263157912,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,82.42105263157895,5.905263157894738,22.281954887218046,7.1686216300943375,0.7588887218045115,1015,34,214,14,28,336,150,266,0.13699999999999998,0.789,0.07400000000000001,-0.963,1,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,1,0,0,2,10,8,5,0,8,0,19,6,0,2,2,42,52,14,1,6,6,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,14,12,3,0,11,3,2,3,9,6,0,5,15,8,41,2,25,33,4,32,0,0,4,2,20,9,2,1,19,140,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073834716653867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314874373599698,0.0,0.08423577079007312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546856922633228,0.06239934482894385,0.0,0.0,0.1153276967841098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817639235274137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817282774597392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027646487234196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066295917785556,0.0,0.0,0.0676095903655025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828423359753004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447080897577734,0.0,0.189265312182643,0.10696055978068733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202710310158172,0.4525949370250955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157917353948406,0.0,0.11324914855927352,0.0,0.11251171319594372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046727843015282,0.07230179412981723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988594364137548,0.0,0.10879533825014184,0.07524835406804717,0.0759006365086491,0.07894841585034831,0.0,0.0,0.19212089788474898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774544276479821,0.07785143726295175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557615941579698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595697168568266,0.0,0.09737035760744048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156980981276417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693509474700533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601947214242125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490567559225415,0.0,0.16349395056727992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696400257731369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655898775828534,0.0,0.0,0.11937701371616352,0.0,0.0,0.09781193554264213,0.0,0.06949754624538428,0.0,0.0,0.10656316876901742,0.0,0.17681699398499096,0.0,0.0,0.1811284974542271,0.08125073756048176,0.0,0.12465017795506092,0.0,0.0948912377909152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452125638020958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591821531776873
ptsd,kaaatmeow,2020/02/19,"Found Pictures TW CSA *****TW sexual abuse*****

My father had an ongoing joke with himself to take lewd photos of my mom bending over (especially in swim suits/underwear/nude). This was explicitly sexual in nature. Last night we found some old photos, and one of them my mom stopped and said ""No.. that's you"" when I was 6. Lewd photos of me when I was 6. I was embarrassed so I went to put my son to bed. My mom ripped it up, and hasnt spoken to me about it. I've reached out to my husband and a friend and havent gotten response, and I'm just feeling... gross? Weird? Mad that she ripped it up so she doesnt have to think about it? Completely fucked over that everyone still wants to ignore me. 

3 or 4 years ago I went through all his old shit when my grandpa was selling our old house (he bought it 15 years ago from my dad) I found a note in the attic I wrote to him when I was maybe 8, and in it I mention him leaving his digital camera in my room (also some completely brain washed garbage about how he was right and asked him not to get mad). When I found this many gross fragmented memories rushed back into my mind. Even typing it makes me want to barf.

I've been out and honest about the sexual abuse by my father for years now, and it has completely torn my family apart (what was left of it after his years of crack and heroin addiction, dropping my sister and I off in another state and leaving, etc.). His side of the family call me a liar, try to bargain with my sister to see my son, berate me, spread ugly rumors about me... I just need some support I guess. I feel ugly and weird and ashamed. It's all so convoluted, confusing, and dirty that I hate looking at it. I hate remembering it. My memories are flawed, and yet they still come rushing back. And even then I think to myself... ""you are just over reacting. They are right about you""

I dont understand how there were 3 investigations against him for child molestation, and he cant apologize, or even address it. None of his family will either. They all just think he is the fucking best. And I'm dirt/ ""too sensitive"". Not to mention he openly admits to abusing other women including my mother.",1.6229036181210077,3.984127340326342,3.0928615587311263,89.49909166920038,82.12354312354313,6.620877673051587,21.21419884463363,7.818819491935897,0.9718741866828822,1675,51,348,31,46,547,216,429,0.157,0.7929999999999999,0.05,-0.9933,0,0,0,0,2,0,79.0,2,3,4,1,32,22,9,3,8,0,23,6,2,4,4,69,58,34,0,3,9,13,2,0,1,1,2,1,3,2,21,28,0,2,12,2,3,7,9,17,0,1,21,5,64,5,53,36,10,58,0,0,2,2,51,24,3,7,25,232,85,1,0.0,0.2934617977054519,0.0,0.09000304593759242,0.0,0.0,0.14636966470394505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602353933821828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657180064035884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771828493734584,0.0,0.0,0.12696773614433646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664206891296802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921647348944479,0.08430342127865591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711184928230305,0.25968909386050265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676019925625366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207669396391238,0.16359113949486276,0.0,0.0,0.0788900209034221,0.0,0.0,0.23349185343119094,0.0,0.08349005966452057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36209296368717575,0.06378597694069724,0.152651558846538,0.043134412738726896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094961235448212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302264761823734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526364177070652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729776280989047,0.0,0.17483913141549712,0.08970213965453727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932996078409205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510972252099552,0.08370330914825733,0.08294304038836911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336249050175007,0.290081303905024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121750650911029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774773628904648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598998229852933,0.0,0.05594507836764423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299602706574535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352486349882044,0.1410122979155142,0.07853386710332312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578996689429283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474708636389344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186571870068695,0.06902420928210866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936885880648062,0.0,0.0,0.06207516228413956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870415358384474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605310686899438,0.0,0.0,0.08594831055211725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739255147200226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306867595137835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21266481868433867
ptsd,visioness,2020/02/20,Cognitive Processing Therapy Just started three weeks ago. Really struggling with working on my skills and not letting my stuck thoughts become obsessions. They loop. I'm trying to check the facts and fight my triggers but I think it's triggering me more? It's also not helping that my hallucinations argue with me about fighting my stuck thoughts. Anyone have experience with this?,6.038241758241759,9.507536076923078,5.4591208791208805,72.4623076923077,72.84615384615384,8.637362637362639,33.901098901098905,9.23628265651192,3.987879120879121,315,16,45,8,7,96,51,65,0.20199999999999999,0.748,0.049,-0.8708,0,0,0,0,3,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,15,9,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,4,0,9,0,6,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,31,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415824424444683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179430816408136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056013374989167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30098927034939016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665877831171524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826719014360202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27868159029406736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459044882887262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289896789387329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849087562610397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31166314916214755,0.0,0.0,0.17462697217767542,0.0,0.4327186207648257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503077794708486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860806921239373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840594073549947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,esaesmivoz,2020/02/20,"Should I quit my job? Hey, throwaway account because people in my life know my main one

So, a while ago I was almost kidnapped outside my workplace. I’d prefer not to go into too much detail, but it was a situation where the person who was taking me acted like we knew each other and I was just a reluctant girlfriend who was acting crazy after some fight. It was by pure chance that an older lady believed me and helped me get away.

Anyway, I’ve been feeling unsafe at my job, I re-live it almost daily and I’ve been trying to move on, but social media has made it hard for me.

My mom made a Facebook post warning her friends with young daughters and urging them to take the necessary precautions. The shitty thing is she used my full name and it was shared about 2,300 times before she took it down (there are still screenshots floating around on Instagram and whatnot). It even made the local news, in which I declined to be interviewed.

While people at my workplace have been supportive in general, they couldn’t find anything on the cameras (due to the route my would-be kidnapper took to avoid them). And I feel that HR doesn’t believe me, or at least that they’re done with the subject.

I’ve been crying for no reason, even the smallest thing reminds me of what could’ve happened and I just wanna stop thinking about it.

I love my job but I’m considering quitting.

What do you think?",4.561222222222224,6.027825825925927,4.796481481481481,84.7191666666667,70.37037037037038,6.881481481481483,27.203703703703702,7.1686216300943375,1.3813481481481484,1103,37,206,10,20,346,170,270,0.111,0.807,0.08199999999999999,-0.7998,3,1,0,0,1,0,30.0,1,1,3,2,13,7,1,1,13,0,21,2,0,5,1,46,41,15,0,4,7,2,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,19,14,0,2,9,0,1,6,4,2,0,1,18,3,32,5,29,20,6,33,0,0,0,1,23,16,0,4,11,147,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440368826782306,0.0,0.2358766581168188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692181342498296,0.10484799051484772,0.0,0.0,0.11065694139274103,0.0,0.0,0.07179678657448442,0.0,0.10022097688510877,0.2653924670149693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403668756399118,0.0,0.1293743430838867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205284755289276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558340694656494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910487299820426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076475744246767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099551147903412,0.0,0.0615344961033894,0.0,0.06693633472518443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415129257322044,0.0,0.10550655794148688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894456260910054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506314816134405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472807912970117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319056067529322,0.05754071095487594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062998517990898,0.33433508772546905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794095967667858,0.0,0.12518009126629615,0.08658087728188511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980987773427664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330580586317073,0.1028397953250556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279941279488252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250544235225943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109609302786635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238816446796747,0.0,0.1200605260690079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405820131026033,0.09846824536215558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336538436752582,0.0,0.0,0.17710981043500765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564938353206261,0.15093563739080662,0.0,0.0,0.06867769204287462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261712881221128,0.07996398854681165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172295890832644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366659087482442,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,77seamonster77,2020/02/20,"Skin rashes / food allergies caused by ptsd? Hey there!

I've been diagnosed with ptsd about four months ago. Ever since then I had the strangest physical symptoms. It all started with abdominal pain, digestive issues and tachycardia. Obviously no organic cause could be found and I was diagnosed with ptsd by a professional.

Eventually the digestive issues subsided but lately it doesn't matter anymore what I eat, I simply react to everything I put into my mouth. As a reaction (is it really the food or some sort of stress reaction) I always get weird skin rashes. Mostly on my wrists, my belly, chest, sometimes even legs or back.
Has anyone ever experienced something similar? My doctors haven't found anything yet so I'm a bit worried if the ptsd really could cause all sorts of eczema.

Can anyone give advice? I'd be thankful for every hint  or experience",4.653995098039218,7.6989372549019635,5.7236887254902005,71.05847426470591,75.14379084967321,9.315196078431372,28.51674836601307,9.673873057562805,3.5939807189542483,692,29,105,21,16,228,109,153,0.099,0.868,0.033,-0.7922,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,7,0,12,18,8,4,5,29,19,10,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,6,5,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,5,3,10,1,13,10,5,12,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,8,9,67,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721391257425886,0.09725725562110196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129310333188656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880950813536464,0.15343296848706045,0.0,0.09028751512449673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436538810688092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197822458849817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381278942701542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519975226759274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227203300488315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122997157903067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122675991429061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246686123284939,0.198490115953516,0.09244107175061887,0.0,0.09860631667557863,0.10732400875551076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653397955837095,0.2405974489260197,0.0,0.0,0.057322459736199816,0.10525027885770462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290315084610807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237652432441526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757484208914891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674632960820568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130119146339808,0.11029561126884964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057468530359582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075880761604067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844652941691497,0.10851264517677857,0.0,0.07765806173523418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256801362904734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403768569501213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101241826518292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142265868165573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thedevilislonely,2020/02/20,"People have such burning hatred for poor people, and it's extremely..... upsetting I suffer from PTSD from mutiple different things in my life, but one of the most intense and horrifying to remember is when I was homeless for a year. 

In America at least (though Im sure in other places as well), once you become homeless or in poverty, you're no longer a part of ""society"". You're not a ""member of society"", you're a Burden. A 'leech', for needing anything, anything at all, even something as small as a listening ear or breadcrumb. It's an offense to even suggest you may need help, to suggest that anyone should even consider helping you. Because in their eyes, you must have done something to ""deserve"" poverty, or homeless. It's like a moral branding to them. It doesn't matter how you became severely poor/homeless, and it doesnt matter how desperately you're fighting to survive/escape your circumstances. ""Poor/homeless"" is all they need to know to ""know"" that you're unworthy of help, or of compassion. You're the scum beneath their feet. You're not even human.

Even after being homeless and tormented for a year, and then in poverty for 4, I still feel myself become crushed under the weight of people's disgust for poor/homeless people. It utterly shocks me. It steals the breath from my lungs. 

The internet is full of cruelty and anger, obviously, but..... it's not just on the internet, anyways, not by a longshot. People are not shy about their disgust for poor people, and if you haven't been in extreme poverty you may not have even noticed how bad it is. You may have some deeply rooted hatred and judgement inside you, too. 

It's. horrifying. And it brings me back to the most horrifying days/experiences of my life. I think i had a conclusion to this, but i feel like a child again, starving and absolitely terrified and being proven to that even the mostly seemly compassionate or kind people will turn on you the moment you have no money. The moment you become """"worthless"""". 

Here's a conclusion i guess,,, Anyone else traumatized by poverty/homelessness, or more specifically, how people treated you because you were in poverty/homeless",6.315356198034768,7.735648538265308,6.50793650793651,74.26298941798943,66.16836734693877,9.17475434618292,34.16137566137566,9.444778638647367,3.3934146636432345,1705,77,280,33,27,546,186,392,0.27399999999999997,0.643,0.083,-0.9984,1,0,2,0,2,0,83.0,0,15,5,2,23,19,5,1,23,0,26,8,5,5,5,61,39,31,0,6,17,0,3,2,0,6,2,2,0,2,17,11,1,0,9,0,3,1,11,12,1,1,5,6,33,7,50,26,10,28,1,2,1,0,30,17,0,16,12,212,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080438912948594,0.09583817056192748,0.15394348917749054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192302387034381,0.07809823331764436,0.1140367420545886,0.3099078243793795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772468672838114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571928863324487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813690583378738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324551969771373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149566447563123,0.0,0.0,0.09458871578778794,0.06682177800529572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303989563039433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808461671595986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103438792381084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740282687327684,0.10280932637207987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321337759213375,0.09139343870204328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080661583317078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649078369670643,0.0,0.09961225202303706,0.06338207373076511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128982867628826,0.0,0.5187658932315901,0.0,0.09772468672838114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933799099947834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595748485661816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515120385153815,0.0,0.10566848819919901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401639120173462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469756901869913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881560993173433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214082824263106,0.05993376991226412,0.09189815125334012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173976173656957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139010371782492,0.08409964529084944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046758723986516
ptsd,justbeanme,2020/02/20,"DAE have high resting heart rate I see my doctor next week, but just noticed my resting heart rate was in the 140s. I was confused since I felt relatively calm (despite being surrounded by triggers). DAE experience this & am I safe to exercise with it so high? I tried some breathing exercises but they aren't effective.",5.0662711864406775,7.403690203389836,5.612000000000003,75.84444067796613,70.6949152542373,8.787796610169492,33.83389830508475,9.3871,3.4849091525423725,258,13,44,6,5,83,47,59,0.10099999999999999,0.789,0.11,0.1328,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,6,6,3,2,0,10,8,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,8,2,4,4,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,2,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24835324844249035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346102182078503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22421525233499295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008136358469016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5432393330136014,0.0,0.4843543030910189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437716650405986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26096163216856577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265386332918526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960817050368292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562124446233264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386162646989204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Luigi1k3,2020/02/20,"Are these latent symptoms, is it because have less weighing on my mind, or am I just being dramatic? I never really avoided situations that remind me of my abuse until half a year ago and today (I know that’s worded confusingly but it’ll make sense in a bit).

About half a year ago was the first time I was scared of alcohol. Before then i had no real problems around alcohol but half a year ago when working at the Tulsa State Fair a customer came up and they where holding beer and I had to go in the back and sit down after serving them because I was so scared and I was trembling and couldn’t focus. Before then I had no problems with it I even was able to hand my stepdad( even tho I found out what an asshole he was a little later when he dropped his cool facade I l him at the time so that may be a factor) Bear when he was grilling. But now any hint of beer I can’t handle it. I don’t have flashbacks I just get really scared and start trembling and breathing heavily. My biological father was always drunk when he beat me and my brother so I might be traumatized to beer but then why did it take so long for me to start avoiding it?

Today was the first time I was scared of a leather belt (it’s what he used to beat us). I’m 16. I was 4 when it happened. It was so long ago and this is the first time I’ve reacted to a leather belt like that. I mean I’ve been scared of them before but that’s because I was in trouble and going to get spanked my my stepdad. This morning I was getting ready for school and I say a brown line on the back wall of the closet and I stared at it for 10 minutes straight from my bed trying to figure it out what it was and I finally figured out it was a belt and as soon as I figured that out I was too scared to go near my closet I was trembling I was breathing heavily and it took a while to work up the courage to go over there to turn the light off and close the door. I’ve gone in that closet maybe 4 times already (I recently got away from my verbally abusive adoptive mother and am living with my grandparents now) and I’ve never noticed the belt but as soon as I did I was too scared to get close to the closet. It’s most likely my PTSD but why is the first time I’ve had this reaction?

Am I just being dramatic ~~like my mom~~ (I have to break the habit of believing everything my mom has called/said about me if anyone has any tips how that would be much appreciated)? Is it because I finally have less to deal with? Is it latent symptoms? I’m just confused.

If you don’t know that’s fine!

Thank you for your time!",1.9579349842703917,3.557203840445272,3.494439380495283,90.87913910623541,77.38589981447123,6.319609582963621,23.59123174961684,7.079830092131019,0.7263927240461401,2006,64,443,22,46,663,227,539,0.141,0.804,0.055,-0.9940000000000001,1,2,5,0,1,0,39.0,1,3,3,8,31,24,0,14,28,1,55,12,3,4,2,72,81,50,0,6,14,5,3,3,0,4,4,1,6,0,33,30,7,3,7,4,0,7,8,17,0,7,32,8,61,7,61,39,5,85,0,0,2,0,21,27,0,8,50,313,94,4,0.06937937279194609,0.16440642351892215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460025114729851,0.14829089979999827,0.0,0.0,0.0765618631033073,0.0,0.057729196028573834,0.0,0.0,0.09436070523718136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851167060689546,0.0,0.0,0.06176235106604357,0.0,0.0,0.06518420456732782,0.10669691028780574,0.0,0.1691720867916551,0.0,0.17711020864105256,0.07816679479298523,0.0,0.0,0.07574430598879328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935151959818239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715270869104602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164884279326356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062353706657618475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200342331325298,0.0,0.2360562362174413,0.0,0.07607090122969723,0.0,0.0,0.1449914350231225,0.0,0.15771958562374547,0.0,0.05548902234804133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135195023102062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762581777182105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168577117598224,0.06953635815274571,0.06126325726432162,0.12279712335866601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631127007828291,0.0,0.06970090519102655,0.07557447623051469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736005506008862,0.07005338868389392,0.16251256578411036,0.0,0.0,0.05100182189502778,0.0,0.1070192987996222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789888757670173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277337974586226,0.08110077405637649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896891531494908,0.08889240554178736,0.0,0.06850376064214794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599567124164636,0.055173261928276165,0.4862259884592592,0.07021562925338555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798532189991586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821415431162292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422346643643671,0.05216465397006498,0.0,0.0,0.06387520505411798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28318969146384193,0.0,0.1315270661792699,0.0,0.07708303597004111,0.047104039944092985,0.07546483480921534,0.0,0.0,0.08345484301185131,0.05992150225028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252081853472246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010180193937573,0.0,0.0,0.0492851158399471,0.0,0.0,0.13403412415777433
ptsd,Whatthedarknessdoes,2020/02/20,New therapist told me I have so many issues she can't help me I feel so disgusting now. I was working with a competent therapist for 2 years but she left Kaiser last August and this is the third person I've seen since then. We went through the intake and she told me I have so many issues that she's not going to be able to help. She signed me up for some groups I've already been through and sent me on my way. One of my traumas happened at a specific kaiser clinic and she signed me up for a group at that location. I can't afford to see a private therapist. My life is so hopeless. I am a shit human and literally not a person in the world cares about me. She couldn't even pretend to care like my old therapist did. I hadn't gotten out of bed in a week and I got out to go see her. Paid money I didn't really have. What am I even supposed to do now. My situation is hopeless.,1.3109543178973695,3.0102272606383025,3.3474092615769706,90.76029411764708,79.58510638297872,6.7639549436795985,22.229036295369205,7.724431198458867,0.8415884856070082,687,21,156,11,17,233,104,188,0.14300000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.076,-0.9408,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,1,0,0,2,9,8,2,0,10,0,18,3,1,0,0,18,34,12,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,4,10,0,0,1,1,2,4,7,5,0,2,13,4,31,3,24,19,1,25,0,2,3,0,19,11,1,1,10,108,35,1,0.12526187150047527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822959003452892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554256525216944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546856950643565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063336165928759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423784164693632,0.0,0.10018336152866204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076865928418683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792078411967853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614816995811673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210514375216824,0.0,0.0,0.13609738989655587,0.0,0.08847616427442574,0.06119662319360737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25399175414666075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097869605128572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144126282494298,0.0,0.08488068593143668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187476692371954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024596239673769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996349877534092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285795110337761,0.10361791452565686,0.14079959183321486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5817547494798169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23938617239655555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942704313688393,0.10047751763806756,0.0,0.0,0.11611900982592993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119213431403528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806645383745281
ptsd,lofi_lucia,2020/02/20,"I don't know if I have PTSD When I was younger I used to always be grabbed by the neck by my older cousin as he threatened to kill me.

Now I always feel panicked and have anxiety and anyone touching my neck or telling me they will

Sorry for the vague back story I feel trapped just talking about it

I feel like I don't know if I have PTSD. People recommended me this subreddit. I feel as if I self diagnosed myself I would be wrong. I'm hoping people tell me if I should get help or not because if you guys don't think I have PTSD I don't think I'll talk to a professional",2.711626016260162,3.6415304065040672,4.130243902439022,89.79260162601628,74.20325203252034,7.0926829268292675,25.04878048780488,7.3871296695380915,0.9346195121951216,452,14,103,5,9,150,72,123,0.179,0.7390000000000001,0.081,-0.8957,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,1,0,5,4,1,0,3,0,14,3,2,1,0,23,26,12,1,8,9,1,6,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,8,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,6,24,2,9,20,0,4,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,8,5,66,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565181867455235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791876093100945,0.0,0.0,0.1077801756837004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852623906641073,0.0,0.09396397303513547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645161882544956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117567681986989,0.11011959187055308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053321058583952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262552972199864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331861781274096,0.0,0.0,0.15309850381329845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053608448368932,0.0,0.169425618391697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530634824411447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372631103327672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5405537822050119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608044770175479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255015817211353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477881633100205,0.2694550674482481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753686534587891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312982131867535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094985676099553,0.1685308695034291,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bbbybrggs,2020/02/20,"Got triggered in a cafe yesterday I have to admit, this story is a little funny (and it was funny when it happened). My phone had died so I was looking something up on my friends phone when she received a sext. I read it without thinking before giving her her phone back. We all laughed about it but I felt like I was going to throw up after reading the text. I had already been feeling weird after trying to find info on a cold case from the 90s. And I still haven’t found a new therapist (I moved) so I think I’m slowly going crazy. When I think about my trauma it doesn’t sound real or believable. I don’t remember how it could have happened enough to get more info without just retraumatizing myself. I don’t know. I feel like I’m in a dream that I can’t wake up from sometimes.",2.827908653846155,4.395906781250002,4.181250000000002,87.00644230769232,74.9375,6.1730769230769225,24.80769230769231,6.67199483983844,0.8745336538461537,615,20,124,5,13,203,97,160,0.083,0.787,0.13,0.6296,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,8,0,15,1,1,2,1,26,34,10,1,1,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,13,3,0,5,7,2,0,0,9,6,22,4,19,24,3,22,0,0,1,0,11,8,0,1,11,88,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724123200861737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201372400246113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329468778363235,0.17602652153035508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474318652904727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215019096934674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143543363926607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799707299157106,0.11161633022500908,0.15001280909854955,0.0,0.1427985375039832,0.0,0.0,0.17130670598181535,0.1207089525990684,0.0,0.08162781276374262,0.14987755402448075,0.17758710785112292,0.0,0.12495765769741406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27632117747366536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586422020712599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265981449577629,0.15659134134811972,0.0,0.0,0.13120041976879632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605607746368795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508954606751849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31256020146386865,0.1778328446078632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698699395024206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027950735546852,0.15452319952339388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477172531888887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140415169775007,0.0,0.3003326604221826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607522443954276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30121536731813586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,beluirina,2020/02/20,"Childhood sexual assault triggers. How do I calm down? I've been aware for a whole that I have certain triggers but now that im 20 and people talk more seriously about boyfriends and stuff I feel invaded and highly sensitive to every interaction I have with men (I'm scared of them btw) 

Just now a coworker joked and tickled my exposed foot at the side of my crocs and I wanna rip my skin off. I'm angry and I don't want to talk to them anymore cus I can't trust them. 

Logically I know it's silly and I need to relax but I'm scared to let my guard down. Help. (I realized checking r/ aww, wtf, nature porn, helps me relax a bit but I don't always have access to reddit)",0.3837899159663856,2.6978950428571444,2.793193277310923,89.7047478991597,87.85714285714286,5.579831932773111,20.378151260504197,7.048011613610866,0.5899411764705875,526,17,111,8,17,180,89,140,0.18899999999999997,0.667,0.145,-0.8237,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,0,5,11,1,2,4,0,9,3,2,3,1,24,16,11,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,4,3,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,2,19,7,16,14,3,9,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,3,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870432906717114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229312808440859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454124639944152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939527327270045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366058007986482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30134400228735764,0.2375029807894451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428117782082637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353870729450593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22986300882304295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667893947679646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584108489916804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4501080173738424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573307737564938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613553802404185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258696831989422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25097001147299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,OneArmdHerdazian,2020/02/20,"In a confusing and awful cycle I have PTSD from a few different situations, but I am experiencing a completely new issue and it is rapidly destroying me.  I [very] recently moved and have not been able to schedule with a new therapist, as I've only been here a week.  I have not been able to talk to a professional about this most recent trauma(or even verify if this one is also PTSD or something else), so im coming here for some temporary help to maybe hold me by?  I am also hesitant to talk about it because in my head it sounds absolutely ridiculous. I'm even aware its nuts, but I can't stop the emotions from ruining me. And I know I'm going to most likely end up a mess while typing this, so I'm sorry if it ends up a disaster to read.

I have struggled with some form of somewhat manageable mental health since I was about 9 or 10, and have also been through a few traumatizing events to throw PTSD into the mix.   I try my best to maintain a healthy lifestyle, but we all break down every now and then.  But now, every time I break down, or even read other people's mental health posts, memes, or anything, I panic and feel sick.  I am growing to hate the mere mention of mental health..  All after an EX best friend of several years really hurt me.  They were all about constantly talking about MH, sharing memes, trying to be relatable, etc. I didnt mind because I knew I wasn't alone, etc. 

On top of all of this, I went through a rough and heartbreaking divorce in 2019 as well. (Not the same person)

Towards the end of our friendship, (which ended on Christmas Eve, of all days,) she became a lot more abusive than she used to be, and really really hurt me at the end.  Without going on about details, which is less important right now, it really messed me up. Bad.  Even the mention of her name sends me into an anxious fit. I hallucinate, hear her, everything. It's awful.  

This event somehow ""contaminated"" mental health for me.  I even hate coming to MH reddit forums now, and haven't posted here in a long time, but im at my breaking point.  Any time I become depressed, suicidal, or anything, it triggers thoughts of her, and it worsens my emotions dramatically.  I rarely would post on social media before about mental health. I hate the fear of being accused of being an ""attention seeker.""  But recently I have allowed myself to vent in a small and private Snap story and I guess here now... 

I guess what I mean im getting to is even venting to close friends when I really need it is triggering even worse episodes.. Then the cycle feeds itself. 

I need to get her out of my head. I want to stop hearing her voice and bitch me out for every little thing I do even though we haven't spoken in 2 months.

It makes me sick and I feel like it's all nonsense, and unfortunately this isnt my only problem right now.. I dont know what to do..

Again, i apologize if this is a mess..",4.94509973690505,5.656144120353982,5.903812485051423,79.93319779956948,68.858407079646,8.727577134656782,29.075580004783543,8.841846274778883,2.212507773259986,2248,78,436,37,37,744,269,565,0.217,0.6859999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.9981,2,1,1,0,1,0,85.0,3,0,1,3,35,28,6,4,27,2,35,10,2,5,6,85,64,42,1,8,18,1,3,2,2,1,7,4,0,1,26,27,1,3,8,2,0,9,11,20,1,1,11,8,61,8,75,48,22,82,0,5,0,0,29,30,1,18,39,311,87,5,0.11503085078745795,0.06814637409960894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059568634963168325,0.0,0.13798519472284262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03911246155571165,0.0,0.0,0.06497605957995425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466058893438857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802297778284003,0.07012173896227836,0.06352126858989549,0.0489413907988165,0.0,0.12071778106191695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908889242577999,0.060303829248564235,0.062153742121414425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03709269124652925,0.0,0.04953795161344035,0.0,0.0,0.060091378002167635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740765020891369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048046757698270236,0.12939422440665546,0.2547079770807303,0.0,0.1282898056601813,0.3039071682532972,0.0,0.14537767954251965,0.0,0.05169115572784529,0.0,0.0,0.06472084380802487,0.05816305444848085,0.04108903139340536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887254997202715,0.0,0.06009887181316639,0.0,0.06537468338950901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671945083517375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035372536302812,0.11805483930918748,0.3056810382549516,0.12964812902505132,0.0,0.03855137726828229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314290489261814,0.0,0.18637958736533264,0.060031161134412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321794727614795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619826326204482,0.05764556608891881,0.0,0.0508993415685632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889755789867257,0.0,0.0,0.03839199306491165,0.0,0.05778197540660435,0.06265115947849703,0.0,0.0,0.2898101051222726,0.0,0.058074183842926334,0.0,0.045908263820108784,0.061129794952194436,0.0,0.08529391830828219,0.0,0.11109751249312824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03897394075769947,0.08748614551251999,0.0,0.06748195930885605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03987395410058433,0.050220250980428136,0.0,0.0,0.054370667625477966,0.0,0.16525163638546514,0.0,0.0,0.055034494473931536,0.2016973632898571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506197976934035,0.0,0.18422927136930234,0.0,0.17036863159106155,0.0,0.0,0.09823571805459856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497605957995425,0.0,0.04757735423369905,0.06464974794440967,0.0,0.05862973310059485,0.0,0.04427818441754162,0.0,0.06438380987104746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617094199885133,0.0,0.060127610559215526,0.0,0.06291254024945224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868616085766125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677984188314427,0.03821069296107812,0.0,0.05650861342757375,0.045660823227261116,0.10061312122164663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809839686132787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967486089116417,0.0,0.04745624945245595,0.033924088070509284,0.0,0.04613540497387055,0.0,0.05171327475387004,0.05331737556237625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544281763681326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861313215646796,0.040857308001533685,0.0,0.0,0.03703804823626762
ptsd,Patturn179,2020/02/20,"Relapsing I originally started struggling with ptsd about two years ago now and I’d been clean of intrusive thoughts for almost four months until last week, now I can barley think at about anything else. I’m not sure how to word it but is it normal to have these ‘Relapses’?",7.163589743589744,7.368530230769231,6.6007692307692345,78.61089743589746,64.0,10.01025641025641,32.717948717948715,9.725611199111238,2.9287102564102567,220,8,41,4,3,68,45,52,0.067,0.8959999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.1358,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,12,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,1,9,6,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25247764838843817,0.0,0.2852082380379481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23438435880070746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379323564819053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321680647477234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273423206058445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790652308772508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33294184833531004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015985818240789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977579498667294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26844150309006026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250253136979272,0.0,0.2261169700064294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782298516265849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284671463497157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834161245944572
ptsd,big_sloth_energy,2020/02/20,"I had the worst experience today (TW) So I have complex ptsd from a whole range of stuff including sex abuse and stuff. I’ve changed some details to protect myself. 

Anyway so I used to know this guy and he was like my music teacher and I always saw him as a fatherly figure since I was like 13 at the time and home wasn’t great. He’s always look after me and I felt safe with him. 
So fast forward to now where I’m mid twenties and my music teacher messages me on fb asking for a catch up and I was like sure why not! Seems innocent enough. So anyway we are at this cafe and just catching up and half way through the conversation he starts talking about the reason he stopped teaching music was because he was kicked out because one of his students (16yo) had accused him of having sex with her and he had housed her for many nights in a house with only 30yo men because she had been kicked out and that he took her to his house late at night and she just stayed there. So he got kicked out and his girlfriend left him. And at the time of him telling me this I started to feel really sick to my stomach, and then he does something completely unexpected and start talking about this cheeky slightly lewd photo I had posted and how I had grown into such a beautiful woman and how I should feel good about myself because I’m sexy. 
And so I finish the conversation and go home. I couldn’t shake this feeling of just feeling yucky and gross and used and ashamed and embarrassed.  I kept thinking why did he say that? He’s supposed to be my friend, why did he make it weird? I kinda just wanna curl into a ball and cry and I don’t know why. Like it’s not a big deal but maybe if I had done something differently he wouldn’t have said that? I just can’t get over it and I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just overreacting. But it’s really made me feel awful and confused. 

Thanks for listening.",2.197702152414194,4.283794183246076,3.128438045375219,91.53278504944737,78.37172774869109,5.815125072716696,22.914776032577077,6.816661863887847,0.5754343222803957,1486,47,313,15,36,472,192,382,0.086,0.833,0.08,-0.4891,1,0,2,0,1,0,25.0,1,0,0,0,23,17,0,4,13,1,28,4,1,7,1,79,60,41,0,5,11,1,6,4,2,2,1,4,2,3,14,37,0,4,14,1,0,7,8,7,0,2,24,12,43,10,40,32,4,43,0,0,2,2,44,19,0,5,20,198,57,2,0.0,0.1058409842702156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486587883371659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351112966328221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781801214128746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449888600539574,0.0,0.09366039979767143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812438542560037,0.0,0.09209490868479413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933304328797664,0.0,0.0,0.07817294642993215,0.09141520880915324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230136967197512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738150264801557,0.0,0.0,0.2258386822603039,0.0,0.08577043735687519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901583751098837,0.0,0.04667103591555248,0.0,0.05076807774237143,0.07492544127695826,0.07144505203390349,0.09848621383483176,0.0,0.08845036137846614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920977091763352,0.0,0.0,0.3092231397787329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472796576117868,0.0,0.1007676945324306,0.0,0.09705688603846692,0.0,0.0,0.17456774704512573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501437678953563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452583984137681,0.0596282104187383,0.09056620687457652,0.17948720620625042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765958113331206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060532057724075675,0.0679391961303599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555307639080867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442153740076113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144536751705092,0.091845720121617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497291836027898,0.07103849378750167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132232480607449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389437908621338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375406008718994,0.0,0.0,0.18968387984693189,0.09521348191119634,0.0,0.07468355649028326,0.0,0.0,0.20452207021768026,0.0,0.0,0.08419210320057095,0.0,0.0,0.14359951857332492,0.07807801923593027,0.08224270595621334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723880912071961,0.0,0.0,0.10417763156928506,0.0,0.08467402820781814,0.0,0.09924848704791132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430420883499435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090568894975176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40303040757749337,0.0997333229129879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Dani9055,2020/02/20,"University I have just seen someone from the student services from my university. I was feeling fine before going to her but I went and she said you won’t get away from the triggers ever in life (which I understand) I just mentioned that can I be told when the topic comes up if possible. Then today she said it’s not fair on the staff and students. And then said that you old enough to know to deal with it or not. Bad things happen in life but it’s up to us and our mindset. Then my program leader came in (I didn’t know about this) and asked if I can carry on with this degree with university if everything is so triggering. My grades are suffering, she said it’s okay for this year if you get low grades because it doesn’t count but for next 2 years you will have to get good grades. She said you can’t not sleep next year it’s not good. When I finish my lectures I have a sleep and she says that isn’t good I need to stop doing that. I understand what they are saying but they don’t even know the half of it and what I go through it’s easier said than done to go to a therapist etc. Since what happened to me I have always been told to get over it and move on far worse things to happen to people. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone anymore and that I am not going to say a thing to them because every time I do they just say well you can’t get away with it. I said sorry so many times and said it’s not your fault it’s all my fault. I feel very sad now and really don’t know what to do. They have told me I need to go out more etc. Sorry 😭",1.315921770458054,2.8229244686567188,2.863829130211016,95.10522388059704,78.94029850746269,6.053525476067938,19.01441070509521,6.8039241337230125,-0.1034920226453937,1207,25,289,12,29,396,152,335,0.07200000000000001,0.821,0.107,0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,7,5,0,12,13,0,0,8,1,28,4,2,2,2,52,68,27,0,6,18,0,3,1,0,2,2,12,0,0,28,18,0,1,9,0,0,9,15,6,1,1,18,16,48,7,42,47,5,41,0,3,1,0,39,14,0,5,19,200,76,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061808073254104125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366718628377114,0.05193928023986096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944307938329508,0.0,0.13957963623514671,0.0,0.06202186415178618,0.09056250088597148,0.0,0.06320799816391898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495812991612349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639868465963673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765808591068233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601565956262772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767525402561524,0.1656867871604162,0.049062162464692215,0.06719177670229064,0.06258528109926258,0.0,0.06675933035428785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126767194019872,0.05306664519501926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404482163347533,0.0,0.2110791499896849,0.18691113582356006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970603833951273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329245369357645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493429559057964,0.0362901387057503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753096781086934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894936993070671,0.0,0.11015743001634776,0.0,0.0,0.15799821782782342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794583116923418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149736810582977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374111466288005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758656530346329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5652689541061287,0.2362861948219661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614463395903431,0.0,0.1486700852146946,0.0,0.06293838702447208,0.0,0.0,0.1663038859211858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062102574386103775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970457355742606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624642770141007,0.1480477794626324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662816044039602,0.0,0.07041007930616201,0.21293717562713013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465910888185544,0.08935137512972037,0.0,0.0,0.061289932290396885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678789716314924,0.0688595996485893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569909005972009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350435367908004
ptsd,Nymunariya,2020/02/20,"Do you have any suggestions for /r/ptsd's automod? What would you find helpful? I hope you all are doing at least okay today.  The week is almost over!  Tomorrow is Friday! ^Friday! 

About a year ago I decided to invite automod to our little corner of reddit here, and so far we (the mods) have been happy with it.  Automod has helped to improve our response times, and prevented a few instances of doxxing even!

Autmod is also incharge of our two stickied posts (self-help & self-care resources, as well as the survey thread), automatically posting new ones every six months, helping us out, while simultaneously making our lives a little more stressful as automod doesn't unsticky the old posts (at least, I haven't quite figured out how to fix that)

--> **side note regarding self-help/self-care sticky**: a new one will be posted in about a month, so if you have any resources you'd like to add, comment in the sticky and we'll review it and possibly add it in the next sticky!

All in all, I'm happy, but there's more that could be done!  We've gotten a few suggestions recently regarding automod functionality (e.g. autoresponding to suicidal posts with resources), but we'd like more!  

What would you like to see automod do?  How do you think automod could increase the quality of our subreddit?  

* *Do you think an automatic response with resources to every post with a little bit of info (like in cptsd) would be helpful?*
* *Would you like weekly chillout discussion threads?*
* *Should we automatically ban the words ""sechuan sauce""? /s*

*All hail our automod overlords!*",3.4875725565514286,6.4959373838028185,4.219884763124199,80.13646820315837,80.09154929577466,7.245241143832692,26.91591976099018,8.296473431620573,2.33734882629108,1243,52,212,27,33,396,158,284,0.046,0.831,0.12300000000000001,0.9212,0,0,0,0,0,0,74.0,11,9,0,1,11,11,0,1,16,1,31,0,0,3,4,42,38,16,1,9,3,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,14,0,2,6,0,0,1,2,1,1,4,3,1,23,10,33,21,13,38,0,0,1,0,28,16,0,3,20,139,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543145880425453,0.0,0.08521021007409972,0.0,0.0,0.06805032856740102,0.0,0.09220024494520826,0.0,0.1157348452618622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929015474295748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588264249583792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708158578916719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562043522907435,0.0,0.14339217883637295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777516015299138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811701209908648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34222374445195985,0.0,0.0,0.08451839619060822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786525073836565,0.2558622139582214,0.07514032013539994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056801479629874835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584381033888532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437029153809862,0.0904993486833696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929274077112237,0.0,0.11532495842565135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593166858715596,0.488984119271021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947133727370128,0.0,0.0,0.09050885783655677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840209080447888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780958592147904,0.0,0.3550899887138449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747587429406147,0.0,0.0,0.09307996506982506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090507002466449,0.0,0.0,0.04961949701253973,0.0,0.0806599771257666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312531317146754,0.0,0.1023586387792678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651592723558778,0.0,0.07651049836250093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24179578739314705,0.0,0.0,0.05479829970967198
ptsd,zelle61376,2020/02/20,"Does anyone else wake up with panic attacks? Because I do almost every single time I sleep. It is terrifying, I wake up thinking that I am going to die or that my dreams are going to kill me and the pills they put me on to make me sleep just stop me from waking up when I have particularly bad dreams. 

I’m curious to see if this is common because I have never met another person who lives with the things I do",4.912588235294116,4.7330268470588255,6.449411764705888,79.1023529411765,68.76470588235293,8.682352941176473,26.411764705882355,8.238735603445708,1.5596352941176468,322,8,66,4,5,111,59,85,0.247,0.675,0.078,-0.9571,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,1,2,0,8,6,5,1,1,11,15,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,1,2,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,1,13,0,11,14,1,12,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,3,5,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027731204452382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21233746278966886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415917457918122,0.20748376982860503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303714177403192,0.0,0.0,0.1690778921455752,0.24688256257113603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101616006544465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772079099302326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916161577459546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061382388805352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301692684940547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403472409812766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880999438752046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516940353087192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617942199150153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375885037656259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681398719566008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356704698766911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136518524529728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40528973091950654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929791643023068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345310874410084,0.12975294132311832,0.0,0.0,0.11807857574117313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,arcadia-road,2020/02/20,"Half-recovered memories [TW CSA] TW rape, dissociation. 

I’ve recovered half the memory of being raped as a kid, but only half. I can remember the aftermath, and I can remember exactly the circumstances that would have led me to it. I remember the nightmares, and I remember the screaming dissociative episodes where my home didn’t feel safe and even the washing machine was growing huge and trying to squash me, and my family would come running to find me just sitting still and screaming at an inanimate object thinking it had grown huge. The nightmares continue today, and when something hits too close to home I dissociate and end up locked in body flashbacks. My therapist and psychiatrist have diagnosed me with PTSD, and at this point I don’t think there’s any denying what happened. I just... still don’t remember what happened. I remember a low voice coaxing me to keep quiet, and fingers, and then something else, but I don’t remember it happening. Not knowing what happened is tearing me apart, and I feel like I’m going crazy without knowing. It’s making me doubt my every thought, that I must be imagining it all. I don’t know how to get through it. Please, can anyone help me? I don’t even know what help I need, I just know I need it.",5.135526943252263,6.997482927038629,5.714985693848359,77.14445755841679,69.51502145922747,9.46962327134001,33.97448736289938,9.861636050157227,3.6370793514544575,994,49,175,25,18,321,129,233,0.10300000000000001,0.7909999999999999,0.106,0.1406,0,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,0,12,8,2,1,10,0,19,6,2,3,3,55,42,19,0,5,7,0,3,1,0,3,2,4,2,1,14,16,0,2,19,0,0,6,8,6,0,2,4,7,28,2,15,32,1,26,0,1,0,2,3,11,0,1,9,118,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180151239943343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354540494358085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094718602293556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828506785714813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092241281008094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591857360889119,0.0,0.08049270016599418,0.0,0.0,0.1200507579939065,0.0,0.07657031465577206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567357033018544,0.0,0.09190331131592487,0.06492468594755127,0.0,0.0,0.08306266818238761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748104598662077,0.0,0.05164919498036261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214595146063241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182988876153,0.0,0.1823200879789429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077831444434201,0.0,0.0,0.24972634021567014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439937459406336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066310176004795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347727281858022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911833072650322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975894277765356,0.0859109694396301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106233849796914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7206452212771429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992771891420314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515376137403074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551867773125773,0.0,0.11646446129877484,0.0,0.07214856392580661,0.0,0.0,0.08614360809308907,0.0,0.0,0.061701550478052085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760507125741544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911708067607008,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ButterStick212,2020/02/20,Coping with PTSD How do you guys cope with ptsd? I’m taking my meds but still finding it hard to cope.,-0.6360606060606031,1.5458432727272748,0.6790909090909096,103.25530303030304,93.54545454545452,2.9333333333333336,11.87878787878788,3.1291,-1.8834121212121209,80,1,19,0,3,25,19,22,0.07400000000000001,0.9259999999999999,0.0,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817808636398353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30526574057209305,0.0,0.0,0.2761764877221736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424521013109629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7207730403706496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462089957833645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23180343639969506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,zenkkyy,2020/02/20,"Diagnosed with PTSD this week, Whats something you guys could share to help someone try to understand better what they are going through? As title says, 

​

Looking forward to trying to make life a bit easier with this condition anything anyone has to share would be cool to try understand better what I am going through

​

Thanks!",8.363999999999999,10.0580054,6.780000000000001,73.17000000000002,61.66666666666666,9.333333333333334,36.66666666666667,9.516144504307137,3.821166666666668,284,13,41,5,4,84,44,60,0.0,0.698,0.302,0.9595,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,1,0,7,13,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,6,11,10,1,4,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350851034462645,0.3757870185340468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812154397404636,0.0,0.12724808276995458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735169892665565,0.1688169302004385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346021787775086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569471424345132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576064583273973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310893509607454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364585517063084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092204012328147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985103925123911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321734876620127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075528627990226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296872466234472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101828806436738,0.1190424471069353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236338814372607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31495276059076216,0.0,0.0,0.3219525100219433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403560757073953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984537850150587,0.0,0.3757870185340468,0.0
ptsd,SassMolasses,2020/02/20,"Having trouble with invasive thoughts. I'm working on this with a therapist, but I get in states of mind where I cycle back on negative thoughts, especially after arguments. I just will keep at it until I'm weeping and feel like shit because I can't stop but to feel like I'm a terrible person that deserves to be treated like crap. Without going into detail, it stems from long term emotional abuse. I'm getting better at it, but nights like this where it's late and I have nowhere to turn to his hard.


I'm looking for support and advice.",4.346037735849055,5.873889783018871,5.273726415094341,80.85228773584909,70.98113207547169,7.941509433962264,32.117924528301884,8.472884824447931,2.6283245283018872,431,20,79,7,8,141,72,106,0.258,0.5589999999999999,0.184,-0.9175,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,12,2,0,2,0,5,2,2,0,0,18,21,7,0,0,5,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,4,6,7,18,17,1,18,0,1,1,0,2,8,2,0,12,49,13,1,0.0,0.21547906134760467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771536296974486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984216422577828,0.0,0.11086258580366792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608438990977135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457248376995776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391177143701026,0.25984730760265223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003283237670346,0.0,0.10335748305608736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291439200420432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164904931538124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515047532603667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35539819035332904,0.0,0.0,0.1609438871740067,0.15271992800933684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836307622869374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706670124887769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879660047776306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668074786311675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204641908413974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063770736739931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115808193827235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887593495433117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978157716881447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531037359940035,0.0,0.13239913339307982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwawayipromise98,2020/02/20,"Anger and pity for those who abused you TW? My parents physically and emotionally abused me for the duration of the years that I lived with them. We've suffered through poverty, they've struggled through immeasurable credit and medical debt and I've seen the worst of their addictions and mental health issues. But at this point in their lives as they're getting older, my mother has managed her anger better by turning to opiates and alcohol, rendering her behavior more senile like and bizarre than the fear inducing anger that I knew for so long. My father has quit three jobs in the past two years & now with his expensive degree has had to resort to an entry level position. Their lives suck but watching them dwindle into such maybe....pitiable individuals makes me so angry. Because I feel bad for them I really do, but it's pathetic the way they live now. I don't want to pity them, they're drugged out and washed up, not a fraction of the night terrors and panic attacks they've left me with. It makes me feel like I'm going insane, like they've always been this way and I've exaggerated it inside of my brain. It makes me so so so angry I don't know how to deal with it. I know they're human but being so sure in their power is what proved to me that I needed to cut them off and save myself by making critical life decisions. Now I feel insane.",5.692092245989307,6.459251208333335,6.021016042780751,79.55446524064173,67.21969696969697,8.93903743315508,29.16577540106952,9.007467420416297,2.2702676470588234,1085,36,205,18,17,348,151,264,0.266,0.665,0.069,-0.9953,4,0,2,0,2,0,25.0,0,1,10,3,11,22,6,4,9,0,10,8,1,6,2,40,28,23,0,2,5,3,3,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,13,17,1,0,9,0,3,1,3,15,0,2,4,5,34,7,33,23,2,23,0,3,2,0,20,11,1,0,12,130,47,3,0.0,0.2847801458607271,0.0,0.13101064985506178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284326462767482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999687672512142,0.13021171046967947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671866705360372,0.0,0.0,0.10034276069973708,0.07325877316853477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628677505691228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415725752896784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238971921374432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393671461834281,0.0,0.0,0.13518293007857352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523251664819258,0.18229527999537584,0.08585446040303063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627875133018885,0.0,0.06829934870801169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277425128061262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543354690491715,0.11925711164718085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320922535071494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057264326008652,0.0,0.08488455688684561,0.17613721001675975,0.0,0.4244739096250401,0.1063528478780324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32087627637909205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106566673943896,0.12111013256258785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910970986277658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127779571857428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410017955383334,0.13344231722305114,0.0,0.11472252822891145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136060932185208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782301390369144,0.0,0.0,0.07698845237998725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563507546477554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326538389215955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071804741163626,0.11739544963049575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088349803314938,0.19078179006644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547800733125354
ptsd,EmberEmbrace,2020/02/20,"Night Terrors I was diagnosed with complex PTSD, BPD, and other things a few years back. I have regular night-terrors on a near nightly basis. They're usually based around the same topics and groups of people and I wake up emotional, panicked, and often crying. I've had 2 years of psychotherapy and several years of meds but it doesn't seem to be diminishing.

Anyone have these on such a regular and long-term basis? Any coping strategies? Any way to better address or lessen them? I feel like I shouldn't be this used to them...",4.649100000000002,6.586386310000003,5.215,79.93750000000001,70.9,8.200000000000001,27.5,8.841846274778883,2.256,421,15,75,8,8,135,72,100,0.067,0.838,0.095,0.5559,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,4,3,0,1,4,0,8,2,1,1,0,17,11,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,7,2,12,6,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,8,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24327598642937176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250703297581859,0.0,0.0,0.15923256234702693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375402824405993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581963167777458,0.0,0.0,0.22528098397054264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19648071508145265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815496721319612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012051040047347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044223939053728,0.127785036354972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738703335775462,0.0,0.0,0.15829465899327286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19868467051644573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035732083586972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400620071996706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20908990409893996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283687750685252,0.0,0.20207261777798624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188335335148276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448657925590262,0.19700045471513947,0.0,0.0,0.14197898318306887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34555998376357033
ptsd,GBG24,2020/02/20,"Hey guys I’m new to reddit but I just wanted to share my story sorry if that’s stupid. It all started when I was about 10-11 my family were having a get together and my cousin who lived at the house we were at overdosed on heroin (previously to this id been exposed to drugs and alcohol abuse from several family members on many occasions...... also extreme violence/sex in the form of videos at an early age as well. Backstory over sorry.) from then on I always had extreme anxiety but I didn’t know what it was until I was like 14. then somewhere between 12-13 a kid my family knew OD for suicide purposes while we were there. 
Flash forward about 2 years I’m 16, and I have a best friend we will call 8 so me and him used to drink beer and watch movies and just chill (I didn’t like heavy drinking im a bud man) but he was a drinker. One night i was buzzed and tired so I went to sleep on the couch and I wake up to him choking on his puke. Thank god we saved him. We never really hung out much after that.. he got me into drinking and I’ve never really drank since. Then at 17 I got close to a new kid through our love of skating near our down town courthouse, he slowly introduced me to opioids (the only drug I consistently used was pot) then and I fell into those for a few times but then one day he was driving and he OD while we were driving I steered the car to the side of the road (it was a back road) and used that shit to wake him up. Then while staying at my place I have a strict no pills rule (opioids) and he took a ton Didnt tell me and fuckin OD...... so that’s how I got my PTSD 
Shits been tough and I deal w depression and anxiety really bad. Idk why I’m posting here really but I just wanted to see it gets better. I’m now 18 today I’m trying to heal.",0.6589348038531321,2.599617965517244,2.739687979896693,93.0908610219182,82.87267904509284,6.090436967750943,19.735376239006,7.273561745256523,0.3596885941644565,1371,37,314,20,38,462,207,377,0.162,0.737,0.10099999999999999,-0.9775,0,0,10,0,1,1,42.0,8,0,0,2,16,17,4,0,18,0,22,18,5,4,3,47,46,39,4,3,9,1,0,2,2,1,6,0,1,4,12,26,6,0,2,5,0,7,6,7,1,2,25,2,41,10,46,20,6,60,0,1,2,2,33,26,3,1,29,195,53,0,0.0,0.11738189171205615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587582875193054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922633888609999,0.08243427588545772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157674072133287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617880677255119,0.08271941174091252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039679784255092,0.08761946997706545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011616688597338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389203130374352,0.10213694319840423,0.08532894888033818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29115300258739435,0.2297797722109741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801834753559629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654132868274392,0.0,0.10352009709098116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23770627472044,0.0,0.0,0.09809499422938614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431361666006833,0.0,0.0,0.10701272973319123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444634684877429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680131246585023,0.0,0.08748073069420888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941465093424697,0.0,0.0,0.10044155164867276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282793709225961,0.0,0.15281796749689178,0.1913650777939485,0.0,0.0929705960917508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426495405097788,0.07534729025967897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350718902767203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488178910827808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580766826855585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538674219168653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894605870448028,0.0,0.0,0.11192103600907603,0.20338810827697731,0.0819518267317211,0.0,0.09914166689938733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221801775902154,0.07012234059499038,0.1055955658414353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836663115923516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659165126096514,0.09121045567766288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057768583465098736,0.11386652872720868,0.09390688945728803,0.0,0.11007054818670768,0.0672621081046936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25669432390115443,0.0,0.0,0.11686824676841105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907593540284069,0.09183899345086056,0.08939537360715971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379790890914659
ptsd,w0rldsosnow,2020/02/20,I’m struggling. I was hospitalized for a while. It helped I was getting better. I felt better. I will sometimes have these moments where Im depressed for a day then I’m good. Today feels different. I feel like I’m reverting back to symptoms and I’m being triggered more. I feel helpless and confused because I was doing so well and I feel like I’m failing apart again. Two days ago I was happy I didn’t take my own life but today I’m thinking of ways out. Why am I falling apart again?,-0.21860000000000213,2.043859040000001,1.8335000000000008,93.04925,98.6,3.7,22.25,5.602791699666715,0.3078000000000003,384,16,77,3,16,127,64,100,0.13,0.722,0.14800000000000002,0.1733,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,6,12,0,2,2,0,10,2,0,1,0,13,24,7,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,6,5,12,7,5,16,2,17,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,1,13,46,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785059419970693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369268190585322,0.0,0.10855138942351676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149814448361003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296841596831638,0.0,0.15337364864059194,0.0,0.0,0.18604794093934449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36015537931223673,0.2544301675245123,0.17097759831748466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303557120302584,0.0,0.0,0.14935882802030714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956156823012293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935829397823172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234893931701802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577792654906578,0.17399453152652766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761183308119175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616011997164236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185085589071582,0.1338884156278397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410171634421662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33758396083727593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739510316405653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134572210740146,0.0,0.0,0.16010863133877626,0.0,0.1606828022802268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,highkey_trust_issues,2020/02/20,"Woke Up Acting Out A Nightmare During the climax of a nightmare I had this morning, I was just about to strike my assailant square in the jaw, only to wake up mid-swing and punch the shit out of my headboard. It was so hard that my knuckles are bruised. I've had a history of being aggressive after being woken since my incident, but this is the first time I was physically aggressive. Anyone else dealt with this?",5.9398750000000025,6.530878237500001,6.285,78.50000000000001,66.625,8.9,31.0,8.841846274778883,2.502575,329,12,60,5,5,106,56,80,0.078,0.889,0.033,-0.0984,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,3,0,7,0,9,3,3,0,0,6,11,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,7,2,7,0,13,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,3,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759833638229305,0.4044167152240336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32972113939352704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357315533955741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535736045944151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30018707777002085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051537996019403,0.32649985553196786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015269955343734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Morgancx95,2020/02/20,"Working in a place that sometimes triggers my ptsd... Sometimes my job triggers my ptsd. I live in a small town that barely has many jobs and what jobs they do have pay minimum wage and I cannot pay bills with that. Until I finish college and can get a degree I'm pretty much just having to deal at least until 2021 which isnt too far.....But I work at a prison and in the kitchen part around 34men. Not all of them are the worst, but yesterday I told an inmate to get away from me and go to the area he is suppose to be in, because he makes me feel uncomfortable. If it isnt about what he needs for his ""job"" then I don't even wanna speak to him. He made the comment of ""Hey now, if I wanted some lip I'd take your pants off and get it from there"" and there it is. Triggered. I felt so disgusted and angry and I honestly wanted to break down. The comment was obviously unwanted. I had him locked up in confinement for however long they decide and now I hope they make him go somewhere else and not back there...",2.3851927948212794,3.849049703349284,3.601835068955811,91.13637489445541,75.88995215311004,6.6401350971010435,22.82043343653251,7.285733465282438,0.6567008725021113,784,22,174,9,17,255,127,209,0.113,0.8390000000000001,0.047,-0.9152,6,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,4,2,12,4,1,0,10,0,15,2,1,6,2,38,32,18,0,8,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,9,13,1,1,3,0,4,2,6,2,0,0,5,3,25,2,29,26,6,28,0,0,0,0,19,16,0,4,9,121,34,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523304632368978,0.0,0.0,0.13217140165898095,0.10817252645045156,0.0,0.08575586670591649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503261022038774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117518230717034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291634447957044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113091058931185,0.0,0.13507272646512505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049499556015015,0.0,0.15990084437889052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397247738873192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5584039441458087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422105380539855,0.12449540515019758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331127133772751,0.18780701611636474,0.14262518491370416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341435216970184,0.10431078860159404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234032277896664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469783344905597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311987306617766,0.0,0.0,0.3288895846412573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782678357556485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057721802090536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442364386415442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659507945893555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483019321492604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,theoctopusplushie,2020/02/20,"Again Triggerwarning: Self harm and suicidal thoughts.   


I looked up someone I knew I was gonna trigger me. 

  
And so it did. Not at first. First I was just curious. Then my teeth started clattering. I had 120 heartbeats per minute according to my fitbit. 

  
Then it hit me like a train. All the abuse. All the suicide attempts.   


I was back. Locking the door wishing to die. I could not control the shaking in my legs. My hands. Violent shaking and hyperventaliting.   


My partner pulled me out of it. Him saying ""you made me promise not to let you lock the door"" made me realise how unfair my behaviour was. That I am not going to do things that traumatised me to him. 

So I opened the door. Rambling about the abuse and hurt - trying to make sense of it all. Trying to have him convince me history will never repeat itself.   


Now I am numb to the core.   


But the pain will be back. And I hope I can win yet again.",0.9481761904761896,3.5265192914285737,2.35775,91.14595833333335,90.37142857142857,5.2023809523809526,22.720238095238088,6.816661863887847,0.8349666666666669,696,27,140,10,24,224,105,175,0.21600000000000005,0.6829999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.9827,0,0,0,0,3,1,28.0,0,2,0,5,11,12,1,2,10,0,16,5,3,6,4,28,28,11,3,3,6,0,1,1,1,3,2,1,3,2,8,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,5,7,0,2,10,3,30,5,15,11,3,22,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,1,14,107,38,0,0.0,0.3948938743358058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562792583244909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869064071303944,0.1330523795874979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729510794083735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834961058267436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470812771866907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655159706277244,0.0,0.0,0.17839679459295946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040568408196166,0.0,0.08141427259964742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993973169069307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153668364537509,0.11123675386393997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852680761229518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732190555558666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325227001248742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738469575594321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119766914477386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795210637334876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645649103369696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071145591987287,0.0,0.0,0.13229742321447271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22628187429976615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163339203693466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Nastygarbagegremlin,2020/02/20,What's left? It feels like it's all gonna be fucked up forever. I don't want anyone to know me anymore. I just want to go away.,-2.2940000000000005,-0.5382613999999961,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,96.33333333333334,4.333333333333334,14.166666666666668,5.985473137389443,-1.0543333333333331,98,2,27,1,4,34,25,30,0.233,0.682,0.085,-0.5178,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,7,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36428137767134794,0.2568377253904016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451079425427048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572733508571748,0.2624125013486077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395801528369992,0.0,0.0,0.20875564124234464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186871182269933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990927642516432,0.0,0.0,0.17945332773660375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4333080875681853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,healingisbeing,2020/02/20,"My Healing Journey Hello everyone! I was diagnosed with complex-PTSD in March 2018 and have been working on my healing since. This week I've created a blog to continue to document my healing efforts and what I've been through. I'd appreciate it if you checked it out. :) 

 [https://medium.com/@healingisbeing/healing-is-being-ba453f5a3a4a](https://medium.com/@healingisbeing/healing-is-being-ba453f5a3a4a) 

I cross-post between medium and Wordpress because I like the formatting options on Medium a lot better. I put content warnings on the post!",11.458993506493506,16.175213779220787,7.013100649350651,61.92536525974029,60.55844155844157,8.005844155844157,39.495129870129865,8.841846274778883,4.4105337662337645,459,23,52,8,8,123,55,77,0.028999999999999998,0.7929999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.8881,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,8,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,8,2,10,1,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,4,35,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625177876474415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25571317062398063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934622198052256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276277381935213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125496614898758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458091223758517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5538157930812504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379790592578792,0.2906568512235436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391724288845939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319237175521497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049105609684315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SpecificReptile,2020/02/21,"What would you say to those crappy voices in your head? (I'm a writer and this is for a piece of writing. If you would not want your thoughts used, that's ok - I'll ask before using anything here.) We all have them. They tell us we're stupid, we're lazy, we're bad, I don't need to go on.

If the speaker of that voice were in front of you right now and you could cuss them out, what would you say?",1.1880788177339916,2.296712011494254,2.142200328407224,101.84068965517244,78.3103448275862,4.971428571428572,17.026272577996714,3.1291,-1.1699313628899837,303,4,79,0,7,95,62,87,0.166,0.809,0.025,-0.9078,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,7,3,0,2,3,1,0,3,1,8,1,1,2,1,18,16,4,0,8,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,5,13,1,10,10,2,8,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,2,1,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863091199433807,0.0,0.21165481339420655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903577145464207,0.0,0.0,0.19265097652947466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076315210505392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286691733696981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323532260294405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787382199315387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933456191619937,0.0,0.36008707359182024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788486466655936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797374786513891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723330934852815,0.3910763590265606,0.0,0.0,0.1335374534312081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824873275802774,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Nummoth,2020/02/21,"I cant tell what's dreams from what's repressed memories So I'm missing all of my memory from about before the age of 8. I've pieced together that I was showing rather significant signs of sexual abuse around 3.5-4 years old. I've had flashbacks in the past in reaction to visuals and smells, but they presented themselves as sudden emotional ruptures and delusions (feeling as though my boyfriend, ex, was my attacker). I did not recall anything visually, therefore still dont know shit. However, a couple months ago, I had a very vivid dream of an event that happened in my life- walking into the bathroom and watching my father angrily pulling nonestop on my brothers ear so hard that it started detaching at the skin- I could see it all. Then I brought it up to my parents and they're like oh ya that happened. You remember that?? So basically, I dreamed up a memory I had suppressed. 

Now, I've also always been obsessed with bathrooms as a kid and as a young adult I developed severe bathroom phobias that appeared as random (no cause). The problem is that I've have multiple dreams that I'm raped in a bathroom and I'm younger than my age in all of them. The most recent one involving a grandparent of mine and within the dream, a strong feeling of it having happened before and it being familiar to me. I was in the shower, and he snuck into the bathroom and got in there with me. Then he started trying to convince me to be silly with him and to put his finger in my mouth. I thought it was really weird behavior and I said no, and then he raped me and I was trying to get away. This grandpa recently died and was always an odd man but I dont recall him ever being over often. None of us were close with him and not even my mother was. He was a drunk. 

But basically I have no idea anymore what are dreams and what are memories trying to come back to me.",4.087271662763467,5.631809073770494,5.1444691647150655,81.46094262295081,71.65027322404372,8.179391100702576,30.28454332552693,8.738905477910976,2.495706791569087,1475,63,277,27,28,485,194,366,0.166,0.767,0.067,-0.9909,4,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,1,2,2,1,15,13,4,2,20,0,27,9,5,2,4,53,47,33,1,3,6,6,5,1,0,0,1,2,1,3,19,26,1,2,6,8,0,6,9,9,0,1,18,11,40,4,48,25,6,47,0,1,3,2,25,19,1,4,23,202,59,0,0.0,0.14586630364222747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913039851858043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845175466050972,0.20487628784057693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209294730342632,0.0,0.0,0.10130979374099112,0.1095948158402762,0.0,0.14005643926985412,0.11566675769211145,0.0946646948495739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951664311583826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264688226987977,0.0,0.10604915273279214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829404841426848,0.13621988641295746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127769693600159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885701522082563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848320968085107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131359861254038,0.11136087131840976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449715590943235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432037214218372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846304553542186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265997280359628,0.0,0.11028319885540612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897723850699598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765853953977162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695688045224839,0.0601457747492563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826595821933687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291841963504392,0.0,0.08342314249012113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670010248747702,0.0,0.11752329915180475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780051965783245,0.0,0.12376047355800986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886800491559884,0.0,0.24311435372382414,0.0,0.13946066824250944,0.0,0.11710667277302154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981034604433972,0.0,0.0,0.13908029240574749,0.1263715856272092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427707930322958,0.0,0.09831653616104193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076043664954542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095584942757835,0.09773631529810127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507526912707233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808727312020215,0.0,0.0,0.101579398519942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927939324328456
ptsd,Soalone497,2020/02/21,If you need someone to talk to I'm here. Hi my names Don I'm 22 and I suffer from PTSD. I go to therapy and I'm getting help. If you feel alone I would like to let you know I'm here to talk. I just want to be here to help in anyway possible. You don't have to struggle alone. Don't worry we can talk about whatever you want. Whether it be ptsd or anything else. I'm not a therapist I'm just a friend that can relate to you.,-2.5692654639175245,-0.9200313608247388,0.5207667525773196,102.1269233247423,104.8762886597938,4.0744845360824735,15.340850515463915,5.985473137389443,-0.7254737113402059,326,9,85,4,16,113,54,97,0.077,0.738,0.185,0.8209,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,6,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,17,22,6,0,6,7,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,12,2,12,18,0,2,0,1,0,0,15,1,0,3,1,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720776304712931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478172516942089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005483814808154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082452323082624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387789388995538,0.0,0.09384739902159572,0.0,0.10208584309267572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407996274256813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987179916088058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836802009112262,0.0,0.0877564033659342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319072628313638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025018172637682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199473825534736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521968963443414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877845520264688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331307754742497,0.0,0.0,0.20541848420744926,0.20856013694531675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189665187021767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241936507028256,0.0,0.12760146642646766,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Broken_Reverie,2020/02/21,"Trigger Warning: A letter to one of my abusers. Dear J,

 I haven't seen you in years yet I'm still chained to you. Every single day my thoughts loop around over what was done. 

 I was supposed to be your sister. You were supposed to help me. Protect me. Not perverse and hurt me.  

 Do you know what it's like J? To be told you're worthless and disgusting while being violated? Do you know how the cold metal of a gun tasts? Do you know what it's like to measure your days in pills? Do you know what it's like to find video of yourself naked and exposed? 

 To this day I still feel as if I'm constantly being watched. I can barely leave my house. That paranoia is your fault J. The things you did. The words you said. 

 But it's not all on you J. Dad protected the wrong people. He held onto the wrong things. And I... i agreed and took the stuffed animals. I took the concert tickets. I took the alchohol and drugs you laid at my feet. I agreed to let you do those things. My silent protests of mutilated skin and protruding bone went nearly unnoticed. 

 Why J? Why couldn't you have just been my brother? Why did no one fucking care? Why was I thrown away? 

 Maybe you've grown. Maybe you've moved on. Maybe you don't think about these horrible things.

 But I do J. Every single day my thoughts loop around over what was done. 

 I was supposed to be your sister.",0.4770512820512849,2.9123881978022013,1.3718956043956076,98.73352106227108,90.09890109890112,4.352014652014652,19.671245421245423,5.985473137389443,-0.19223150183150173,1050,33,233,9,36,324,139,273,0.133,0.757,0.11,-0.8256,0,0,1,1,1,0,40.0,0,18,0,0,8,14,4,0,10,0,29,7,3,2,1,30,49,13,0,2,6,4,2,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,17,9,1,3,9,3,0,6,6,9,0,2,21,8,40,5,28,21,3,28,0,2,2,1,27,12,1,1,13,148,57,0,0.0,0.12233836220170105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383478488057056,0.0,0.0,0.0970099422820874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527369465907883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158021415382034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26635953309097943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113280975824308,0.0,0.0,0.11974113123141665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399083909115035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052208007512437433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437171179963263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545607899992993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920855904567648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914052870992768,0.11053487071302004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269814126929993,0.0,0.0,0.1093304127831075,0.0,0.10558356892981267,0.0,0.1513331467058504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111956723782687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097419942731802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993431474061185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158288762423358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821760195611426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491655318540865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743878104867323,0.06616059185850921,0.0,0.16394328837626507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986630221737034,0.34415488782982795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957169106849302,0.3726804342985663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22578270751138385,0.0,0.06649178654390922
ptsd,iCl00d,2020/02/21,"Feeling Like I Have Lived Different Lives My PTSD is from childhood trauma.

But for each time period of the different abuse/traumatic event feels like it was a different life.

Like looking back, it seems like it was a past life.

I’m horrible at explaining this, but wondering if someone has an idea of how this feels.",3.76361581920904,6.5035769152542375,4.245000000000001,82.14230225988702,76.45762711864407,9.357062146892655,28.47740112994349,9.725611199111238,3.261506214689266,254,11,46,8,6,80,44,59,0.07,0.7909999999999999,0.139,0.2732,3,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,1,0,12,13,4,0,1,3,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,4,5,11,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,10,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808023867420052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5628454147927014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723918937712228,0.25657339080289066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271559839516745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25367486424141633,0.3509203909997876,0.0,0.3171317768133451,0.0,0.15079575052764166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142235785418278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991075014562494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347614322239268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215127422497315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471022231350413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947388156609278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Whiteliesmatter1,2020/02/21,"Does anyone else get “hangovers” from talking about their events? For the most part, I bury the events that let to my PTSD. I avoid thinking about them, and I avoid thinking about them. And yet, I can feel they are there in my “soul”. After one particularly dark patch of my life where I couldn’t get suicide off my mind, I thought I should air my dirty laundry. I shared what had happened to my wife for the first time. Not the details, just the broad strokes. I talked to old veteran buddies who were there with me. I even called to start up the therapy. But every time I talked about it, I would feel so much worse. Not only did I feel truly terrified and upset about what happened for the first time ever,  but I would feel such shame and embarrassment about everything about what I did, about not being strong enough to talk about it without having a total emotional melt-down, shame about having an emotional melt-down in front of people. And I would think to myself “is this emotional reaction even appropriate? After all when the things actually happened, my thoughts and emotions were pretty much “I wonder what’s for dinner” and then I feel guilty about being some apparent psychopath who didn’t feel anything as people were killed around him, some of them friends. All of this shit didn’t feel good to air. Instead I just felt awful afterwords in a million different ways. 

I started to “come out” then “noped” everything back into the closet. Then I was even ashamed of myself chickening out of actually dealing with it. Life is ok for me with this locked up in my mind. Not great, but ok. I have depression but I am managing ok in spite of it. I am successful in life generally, but i feel like airing this shit could literally ruin my life.",5.223345997973659,6.757673851063832,5.071143617021278,83.12104166666667,68.84802431610942,8.27968591691996,27.994047619047624,8.72156446121922,2.01855309017224,1383,47,262,23,24,427,168,329,0.223,0.691,0.086,-0.9948,2,2,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,5,4,27,23,4,7,12,4,27,8,2,0,4,60,50,18,2,6,12,1,10,1,1,4,5,0,1,0,16,15,1,2,15,0,0,2,9,13,0,4,12,10,44,10,52,29,10,40,1,2,0,0,17,18,2,4,20,200,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.16675707217803676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059742652727695314,0.08754486879291105,0.07031103829792934,0.07606101058206327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569920576530698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872452796198467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360024893863099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821805027244685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880863895317575,0.07359060095237241,0.0,0.0,0.08926813635216789,0.0,0.0,0.07477039402514946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137537297503885,0.3844405520905068,0.0,0.08828386410662441,0.0,0.16929982783714376,0.07728668867076592,0.07198811183580711,0.0,0.15357854291668885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456141395178697,0.0610393933198321,0.0820371968789884,0.0,0.0,0.1453529178455138,0.0,0.0,0.06601185704695932,0.0,0.08927926870699608,0.0,0.0,0.07166423964597171,0.0,0.0941995070004922,0.0,0.0,0.22666679240053134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452831198521357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736967771229742,0.2413993090293972,0.04174237964263592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725430281077664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561860252742205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965643539167366,0.0,0.0578973419050921,0.06498207751414453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252477076231616,0.0,0.11846869517362862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692467762585174,0.0,0.0,0.09987648992052413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540885374855247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209518048044618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345908527920208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746984238383041,0.0,0.0,0.09770975136306373,0.0,0.05676350689174245,0.164242305309135,0.0,0.13566194450246574,0.149464800486139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781945089084736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236251470839781,0.09265761446710186,0.0,0.0,0.0870721432479461,0.18208547696469188,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,justiceforosaura,2020/02/21,Flashback I have PTSD. I am falling apart. I found my daughter's murdered body a year and 9 months ago. I've been having the strongest flashbacks I've ever had. I don't know what to do anymore.,0.5857500000000009,2.9912160750000005,1.9850000000000032,95.08,88.25,3.2,25.5,3.1291,0.19810000000000014,153,7,31,0,5,49,33,40,0.16699999999999998,0.752,0.081,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,7,1,1,0,1,4,9,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,1,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318545593754722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563825562811646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991612269691032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32505622041805643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39401305709566736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749153254126905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868328937837232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42006553625925896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23141216137771575
ptsd,dagon85,2020/02/21,"My wife recorded my night terrors last night. I've been upset all day. I am begging for my life, screaming for help, and panicking. It is so sad. Why does this happen in my sleep? I don't even remember what I was dreaming about, if at all.",0.3398639455782302,2.655704244897961,2.0439795918367345,94.95399659863949,88.18367346938776,4.899319727891157,22.452380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.4637319727891152,184,7,40,2,6,60,40,49,0.278,0.674,0.048,-0.9184,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,5,6,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,7,0,5,4,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977667794606748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26835541383305794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025424008769241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711735559237382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554404304203852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499643408912565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165991376607187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.575548937744525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473797624962301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306875955779888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767079833934772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,literal_goblins,2020/02/21,"Warped memories when I drink Basically, I have two very different versions of my trauma. When I’m drunk, I remember a much more violent and extreme version of what I remember sober. I tend to leave myself notes when I’m drunk and remember bits and pieces that I don’t remember sober, but rereading them the next day I have no idea which memories are false or true. Does anyone else experience this?",6.166,7.3140749333333375,6.622666666666664,74.29800000000002,66.33333333333334,11.333333333333336,33.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,4.105266666666667,320,14,58,10,5,104,54,75,0.163,0.7859999999999999,0.051,-0.6245,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,1,11,7,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,5,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,10,1,3,7,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120177087166686,0.17610345117876766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764000392725044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084339528437838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956994063353407,0.0,0.0,0.15040658139510915,0.0,0.0,0.1683693917978851,0.0,0.0,0.14357722712234958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812405941786768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940228720672004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181987917159818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126345894067547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278810861825487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7787911080550239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789423342783474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181262237920889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kjdsx,2020/02/21,"Memory loss caused by trauma. Is it possible? I've struggled to reach out for help regarding my trauma for the past few years and I'm looking to get help finally. I'm collecting my thoughts and feelings for the day I get to talk to a professional, however I noticed that I am missing a lot of details related to what caused my trauma. Is this something some of you have experienced?",4.213153153153153,6.114205810810812,5.803783783783783,75.41936936936938,71.97297297297297,9.798198198198195,33.954954954954964,10.125756701596842,3.91443063063063,306,16,55,9,6,104,50,74,0.198,0.72,0.08199999999999999,-0.8466,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,0,6,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,2,0,9,12,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,7,0,12,11,3,5,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,2,4,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944681227870115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521203633115296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168982374705888,0.0,0.0,0.2636418754179107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514799536471841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32263163270691503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210192068629926,0.0,0.0,0.2046087592467038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740040308362333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297464461013036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713189078753494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527928110732644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25160020912463765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344117591433047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191064846348218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498338608742693
ptsd,millionsofbeachs,2020/02/21,"I finally talked to someone today. I finally made the phone call and talked to someone about getting an appointment made to talk about what happened. I cried on the phone with the receptionist, and she was really kind about it. A baby step, but, I wanted to share it. I've been avoiding this for what feels like forever but, it's time.",2.6437723214285707,5.3093452968750015,3.647589285714286,85.19562500000002,80.40625,7.4071428571428575,24.767857142857146,8.418075326091056,1.9396232142857133,265,10,50,6,7,85,43,64,0.075,0.7959999999999999,0.129,0.5418,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,10,8,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,3,10,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,5,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647498766720015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211385388472066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224145579208063,0.14445604435954765,0.0,0.4430136936759764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564431672140737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881014449297175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21056648744719603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878766346405554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826645121613714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953837505900598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34265706432027704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875766968827858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790797535226892,0.0,0.1916676945043599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926636878466812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,flamingo_45,2020/02/21,"Repressed Memories I’m having a hell of a time the last few days and my regular therapist is out on maternity leave. 

When I was 4, my parents left me at their friends’ home while they went out of town. The friends’ didn’t have a bed for me so they let me sleep on the floor. I was extremely attached to my mother and wasn’t sleeping well knowing she wasn’t there so I got up and went in the living room. The woman put me back into my “bed” and told me to stay there. I got up again and again and finally they let me stay in the living room with them. On television, they were watching what I can only assume was porn at this point in my life. To a 4 year old, it was a scary movie with naked women changed to walls and an older man touching their privates. I don’t remember much after that but I was incredibly uncomfortable. 

I’ve been so afraid the last few days and this memory is what keeps popping into my head. I don’t know if I was touched or just forced to watch porn or them. I genuinely do not remember but I am 34 years old and terrified right now. 

How can I get past this fear?",2.8622855662088615,3.9745692995594735,4.1207307592640605,89.30202902306299,74.0660792951542,7.808136823011142,24.80668566986267,8.313332769828598,1.2707395180098464,849,26,192,14,17,279,128,227,0.11800000000000001,0.875,0.006999999999999999,-0.9765,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,8,0,13,7,1,3,13,0,23,6,3,1,0,30,33,20,0,1,7,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,5,3,7,15,0,2,5,0,0,3,6,4,1,0,16,4,33,3,25,15,3,46,1,0,2,2,17,22,1,4,19,133,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989675024812275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615461550775446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601033895065667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448308124413601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099189126780862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19887694379207252,0.0,0.0672439350244596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058770002654256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320901991057155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910330738253326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440042263203914,0.0,0.0,0.14146766522448084,0.20982626642401506,0.0,0.13628180432002382,0.13984019875316694,0.2632226278857647,0.09090934371671333,0.0,0.0,0.2273007362241405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461422868437384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27011204743570816,0.0,0.0,0.09788723992478493,0.0,0.0,0.14291355138905126,0.0,0.1228651021258812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166942675430245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938577569381307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915991870518626,0.10991481275189888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575992872703683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743684199628187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943839087342262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750499078370861,0.0,0.0,0.12298476095734945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572277423981325,0.23862478810829735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657657812130008
ptsd,themarshmallowdiva,2020/02/21,"{TW: Spousal Abuse} I Hurt My Husband  I officially hurt my husband. I grabbed him by the wrists. I hurt him. I would never, but I lost control to my disassociation. I didn't leave bruises or marks -- but I hurt him. This was last week, but I didn't remember due to my DID. He told me about it tonight.

He kept saying, ""It's okay,"" and I kept feeling it was like I was female. I kept saying, ""It's NOT okay! Physical abuse is NEVER okay. If you've ever had someone you've dated before do this to you, I need you to know, IT'S NOT OKAY. I *hurt* you. That is *not* okay. Do you understand that?""  


He's gone out for the evening, but I still feel like an absolute monster. It's not okay. It's NEVER okay to hurt someone you love, but I did it. I did it, and didn't even remember thanks to my disassociative state. No excuses -- I hurt someone. I upset them big time with physical violence.   


My GOSH. I hurt someone. I hurt someone I love.    


 Just seriously. IMAGINE if the roles were reversed gemder-wise. You would be telling me to run for the HILLS. I am SO mortified, I put my hands on my husband -- and people are so dismissive. I've spoken to a handful of friends, and they're just so dismissive about it, I'm just... mind blown. Because I'm female and he's male, I actually got asked, ""What did he do beforehand?"" What? ***WHAT?***  


 I just spent my evening crying over this, and everyone seems so... non-chalant.  I'm mortified at my behaviour, and mortified at when I spoke to those I trusted the most -- family, friends, they were SO dismissive. I'm disgusted with myself and the response from those nearest and dearest to me.",-0.031193877551018545,2.306070100000003,2.1494387755102053,91.28392857142859,96.4375,5.612244897959183,22.780612244897966,7.127189543769624,1.118918367346939,1232,52,260,24,49,412,144,320,0.198,0.6759999999999999,0.127,-0.9732,0,0,0,0,2,0,88.0,0,6,2,2,17,28,1,1,8,7,23,5,3,1,4,49,46,23,0,5,16,3,5,2,2,2,0,3,0,1,20,12,0,4,8,0,1,3,11,13,0,0,22,8,53,15,24,21,1,23,0,10,0,2,32,7,0,5,14,169,73,0,0.0,0.1838888490025184,0.0757273233705469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254640354380444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047304812758564685,0.0,0.06603268436132728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703605275268743,0.0,0.0,0.08524098873138901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376406699577305,0.07019449296832549,0.0,0.0741510236859293,0.0,0.0,0.07315525992589658,0.0,0.07847473382346344,0.11087625408385472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990858749422922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206456069936918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7476607012644446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264744718449903,0.0632551233600925,0.0,0.08216819076958476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582379901895059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471059289333813,0.0,0.14007575618728807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835482785941546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754011373260594,0.17955188662431534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053798720926942004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801037822418871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581347524331845,0.0,0.0,0.12342276432450287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064498128919151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32875512319027883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197221092580911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782664196052861,0.07144451953758191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524973216465825,0.0,0.0,0.0741510236859293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807853152849044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224679325204774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025096259357002,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cyberpunk-radio,2020/02/21,"Anniversary effect is brutal. I always thought I was insane for feeling my symptoms become worse around March every single year. I would go from being mostly okay, balanced on my medications, and sleeping well.

Then, like clockwork, in February I start to have anxiety, I start disassociating, and I either sleep too much or have vivid nightmares and don't sleep at all.

I started a new job recently and have been placed on a team of people who don't like me, and between the work stress and the trauma anniversary approaching, I had a breakdown at work today and my supervisor had to drive me home. Utterly mortifying.

Does anyone have tips for coping near an anniversary?",8.375678571428573,8.981599591666667,8.20571428571429,66.765,61.41666666666666,10.857142857142858,35.476190476190474,10.608840637214634,4.015119047619047,541,22,84,12,7,174,85,120,0.139,0.7759999999999999,0.085,-0.8271,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,3,7,1,1,6,1,13,5,3,1,1,16,19,9,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,3,1,0,5,2,13,4,14,12,5,20,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,2,11,63,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840492855536576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724663221001367,0.0,0.0,0.11630604211299765,0.0,0.0,0.14807436054498538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837051122075868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556180884587805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014530631863287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841045108275264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453261729659178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668486324805962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506287553979904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252679594732938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756608310517634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227614450201095,0.0,0.0,0.16064840526327626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531648178344515,0.0,0.17378578204832545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642367943727726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4993685639867515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532005626034782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053739712270268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728868574426546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205225337374812,0.0,0.0,0.15766713768738788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955609596866035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218926849556774,0.0,0.1695106577477088,0.11816036608745616,0.0,0.0,0.10711497043804158
ptsd,culturetraveler,2020/02/21,"[NSFW] Recent FBI arrests have been triggering my ptsd Hi so near my school, the FBI arrested several people for pedophilia related crimes. Due to the proximity of my school, it has sparked a lot of talks on campus about it. This has been difficult as I was abused as a child and hearing some insensitive comments from classmates has been hard. They've also just been bringing up flashbacks and causing dissociation. I don't even know what to do. I don't want to avoid it because otherwise people will try to be all hush hush about it and try to bury the story. But I can't live like this. 

Sometimes I don't even feel valid because what if I don't have PTSD? I mean I was never officially diagnosed and what if I try and they say I don't have it? I know I'm not making things up, but sometimes I still can't even believe myself.",4.22790909090909,5.4955268969697,5.219772727272732,82.12965909090909,70.93939393939394,8.40909090909091,28.90151515151515,8.841846274778883,2.200242424242425,658,25,131,12,12,216,94,165,0.092,0.899,0.01,-0.7982,0,1,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,1,5,0,22,1,0,3,2,24,31,13,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,11,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,6,6,17,1,17,23,3,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,4,5,93,28,3,0.0,0.18106802278070533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122210984377813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631665727784266,0.0,0.0,0.172177055827043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698937381481448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551102071554872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30281070044941377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727094366370235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689769510892638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722404947434946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679729680234399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466067378503709,0.0,0.1349438376497459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299230405799171,0.0,0.0,0.10200927586716596,0.0,0.0,0.1664669870051854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786505915199134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189382780331475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572793931055301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089240708516266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152947839735873,0.0,0.30932623884371024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726443525671183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022879656952683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220431337794866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283181737024937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152755322579568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112665014580277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013784860493226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SeaSideGuide,2020/02/21,"Unsure of what my status is? For the longest time I heard from my therapist about the healing process, so eventually when I stopped seeing a therapist I came to the conclusion that I was healed. Personally I believe it’s impossible to be healed or fully recovered with PTSD, its more of you come to terms with your trauma and while it doesn’t fully damage how you continue to live your live it certainly keeps some remnant components in. IE: you have some triggers and they might make you feel a certain way but they don’t immediately send you into a panic attack or stop you from finishing your day. Anyway until this week I was sure I had come to terms with it. From around the age of 2 til I was 10, I was physically abused and neglected. When I was turning 10 I ran away and my neighbours had called the cops, found my mother intoxicated and drugged out. Due to Costa Rica being a mainly matriarchal society, my foreign father didnt get immediate custody and I was sent to a children’s shelter for 3-4 months (got poisoned during my time there, 0/10 would not recommend) father won the legal case and I hopped on the next plane to the States to meet my father. I am  now 17 and well I receive occasional text from my mother to which I send semi-update pictures of myself but otherwise do not respond. For the last 1-2 years I realized I became a lot less paranoid about my back facing windows or doors, until last week. My English Prof.’s room has spinning, rolling desk which can be moved around the classroom. Recently this week he decided to assign people to desk and form the desk in a circle against the walls of the room forming a nearly closed U for him to give his lectures, unfortunately I received desk number 27 which is on the Windowed wall which is nearly 80 window. I went ahead and took my seat and wrote my name on the card attached to it and decided to not make a deal of it because obviously everyone would have to rewrite their names on new cards and switch the order which truthfully sounded like a hassle also I didnt want to create a scene where “oh fuck we have to redo everything cuz this mofo has PTSD” so throughout the whole class I have this weird sensation at the end of my spine/ base of my neck. As of the past month my nightmares have increased to a semi-daily schedule which has been utterly delightful.  BTW- previous history with nightmare&PTSD aiding meds, been off of them for 2 years. 

TLDR: Semi-daily nightmares of waking up nearly every hour to every 2 hours. Paranoia/discomfort when back faces windows or doorways. After having nearly 2 years of minimal/no paranoia and only 1-2 nightmares per might. Unsure if my “recovery” started to unwind.",7.2374563894523325,7.327447435294122,7.464699121027722,72.86735294117648,63.862745098039206,10.093306288032457,34.05679513184584,9.753983421225431,3.289766734279919,2152,84,373,39,29,700,286,510,0.121,0.826,0.053,-0.988,1,0,1,0,1,0,47.0,1,9,4,3,18,15,3,1,31,0,36,12,5,5,5,68,59,34,0,4,10,5,1,1,1,4,6,2,7,2,19,27,0,4,6,1,0,13,7,8,1,0,22,4,55,7,73,30,12,82,0,2,1,1,39,24,2,10,43,263,74,9,0.0,0.11750300594368275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930808434972156,0.0,0.10745318879595284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656881645074834,0.0,0.11282285356556117,0.09317567784481866,0.15251481560606628,0.0,0.06045453788944325,0.0,0.0,0.11173326633556573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126604712128087,0.1134267369779788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085637892693378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395795488161017,0.10224232774465526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150084290943108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783725719896288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711394718662928,0.09476342066591094,0.0891297043896528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014451482461052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873735183839267,0.0,0.09168323015144517,0.051813454385327626,0.095135145067629,0.0,0.0,0.07931717974535978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195329556015396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814893235429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167738667063045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484505958633432,0.0,0.17514198602174286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431277690579676,0.0,0.0,0.13239661387419374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015811277199718,0.0,0.0,0.2104123610162688,0.0,0.0,0.15831683102122246,0.10540450250668627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957812638110949,0.10547090851834304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542503333428655,0.0,0.11635737294209722,0.0,0.0,0.09467121997295884,0.06875361349131533,0.08659346190335829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477814746655644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979207213636941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790275149759757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701946925845277,0.0,0.0,0.16582503351950822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934687566541438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302934605513612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565637778114705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018411859926376,0.0,0.10787102770477447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849441551147685,0.07871838728212001,0.2386502071380214,0.0,0.08916784364622801,0.09193375260802636,0.0,0.1107223757964036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089836967495065,0.0,0.0,0.191591206115552
ptsd,westofhearts7,2020/02/21,"I had 3 good days. But now they are over. 
TL,DR; I had three good days, anxiety free for the first time since my assault. I had made a plan for my life going forward. It all came crashing down and I can't trust who I live with and am scared I will loose my home. I can no longer afford therapy for help. I feel like all my work was pointless and anxiety is back in full force.


The long, and I'm sorry if I'm rambling. TL;DR is above. 

I had  stopped going to therapy about two months ago as I had to make a switch to a new therapist.
I didn't have the money to do therapy again so soon,  so I instead used what I learned and finally made a plan for my life going forward. 
I applied the skills I used to help me stay in control.
I got organized and after putting those things in motion I felt hopeful again. 

I live in a house with my partner, and 4 roommates. Before I left my therapist we had 3 roommates and partner was looking for a job, so we were struggling to make ends meet. He got a job, and we got an amazing roommate. Things were looking up.
Furnace broke but we had heaters so surprisingly it wasn't the end of the world. I knew I wanted to replace it before summer so I decided to look for a part time job to do on the side. 
I didn't have money to go out, but making a plan, or a roadmap for a new career to improve my life made me feel better about the short term. Even my friends wanted to take me to Vegas in April and offered to front the bill for most of it just to see me. 
I felt like everything was finally coming together, dispite some minor stuff.

I bought some free weights so I could start to get in shape along with a study plan and searching for side jobs. I also found a bunch of comics that are worth money and played DnD for the first time in my life with friends online.  This is going to sound dumb but I also opened up Pokemon Go again and it got me outside and gave me a goal and instant reward for getting into running for the first time in my life. When I'm not running I'm talking to people who I notice are also playing and it's helping me..well, be social again in a small way. 

For the first time since my assault I felt... comfortable. Hopeful. In control. I was talking to people at work and smiling for the first time in forever. I got the energy to shave my ""depression beard and haircut"" off and everything.  I got a job interview too! Everything going so well...I finally was able to feel my shoulders and neck relax and my constant anxiety, this feeling of waiting for the other shoe to fall...it finally went away for the first time since last March! It was amazing! I felt healthy again.

Then, just now, as I felt so good, I found out I..misinterpreted my financial situation and expenses. Again. All credit cards are denied. At least I have a way out though. It's ok.....

Then the interview bombed. (I can't drive due to a past trauma, and they didn't like that even though there was nothing about driving on the job posting. It's apparently to see if I'm ""trustworthy and responsible."")

 Then I got stuck on chapter 3 of my lesson plan and couldn't move forward, and finally found out that new roommate who's been amazing for my mental health...is leaving on the 10th of March because our other roommate is apparently an alcoholic and stole/ drank his special wine from a wedding. According to other roommates he's been doing this all year, including my stuff and I just didn't notice because I was...well dealing with PTSD all year from my assault last March. 
 
  So... yeah, now we have an alcoholic/theif in the house and I can't trust them.  
I can't trust someone in my own home I've known for years and somone who was great for my mental health is going away suddenly because of that same person.

If we loose the house we have I loose the one place I finally feel safe. If we don't loose the house I have to figure out how to either A. Evict a person who's been a good friend up until now for years, or B. Learn to not feel safe even when I'm at home. C. Never be home because I'm going working full time and weekends for idk how long.

It feels like nothing I tried to accomplish will happen and I'm dumb for trying. Bad things will always happen and I can't trust anyone.",2.57881979797331,4.3455481101992985,3.7274984342128494,89.15040999534278,76.10433763188746,6.5965986285310505,25.28399364049527,7.410397764457081,1.1389550145337162,3290,116,687,41,73,1067,325,853,0.09300000000000001,0.75,0.157,0.9964,11,0,3,0,0,0,111.0,9,0,3,22,42,46,5,2,48,2,58,13,3,12,6,126,129,67,0,10,16,0,13,4,5,3,7,1,4,4,32,56,4,6,22,6,10,23,16,11,0,9,50,19,89,37,107,72,17,142,0,2,5,0,40,48,2,11,77,448,121,17,0.04397210713797712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03897861985269081,0.046992809758792636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054934345746667,0.03658831567085615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091562481080772,0.0,0.0,0.03074631971328935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262648425876487,0.033811836152914616,0.03671487274406871,0.10721995350787264,0.0,0.07483404895139001,0.0,0.0,0.03888975540815686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029237626284246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03787807674291284,0.0,0.04751822643890285,0.09863691435880703,0.03510814950675208,0.0,0.0,0.056716742764668024,0.045333311650509286,0.03787311144497992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789247062275892,0.0,0.0,0.08712948616144373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185578836733336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556353300806514,0.06282736425082659,0.21110059299845432,0.2890157641802241,0.0,0.224415911210412,0.0,0.14463943753076244,0.1019182226918196,0.0,0.04594722219559976,0.0,0.22491325641707144,0.14752686889937058,0.24617957704671656,0.0484794033547948,0.0,0.0,0.0777687782439985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348058731847864,0.0,0.0,0.08842072956704486,0.0,0.17643043490344104,0.0873484481911416,0.0,0.20295163131644206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618131879620237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168627239282246,0.0,0.046560112388066656,0.047775823066061186,0.0,0.15529399840627284,0.08593020172276475,0.0,0.07765635241836387,0.07782786219118823,0.1107764860131807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482241292507568,0.08805516889082253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862708329021199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035098116399160696,0.04673539097658392,0.0,0.0,0.0339139998192262,0.12740560524420366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438484546635341,0.10012507084350143,0.0,0.0,0.029796637803770638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761750697986998,0.04197635181083224,0.060969444969691436,0.07678949573928602,0.04594149297325891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0421131236250927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051401040140187634,0.04420411285115326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04402375024122715,0.0,0.07008015260212963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912254425925574,0.049426490782153776,0.0,0.044824025689140665,0.0372574236831269,0.0,0.0,0.049223173891530116,0.031123683755453574,0.04686841553406164,0.0,0.03676265050796924,0.0,0.04596919374865067,0.10067508487704596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03306155217150472,0.07068622816738275,0.0,0.0,0.1508578101582397,0.102110011074106,0.08763934230854553,0.0,0.08640474400896038,0.0,0.2051239142917836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059708348683534175,0.0,0.04295435927673926,0.0,0.0,0.0759555646234876,0.0,0.0,0.051871776135980735,0.06980602382602505,0.0,0.05354618033942222,0.03953620515481319,0.040762583854594865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603665310514728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132663812587778
ptsd,Hmarf,2020/02/21,"Is this the right place? I really do not mean to offend; so many of you have been through unimaginable trauma and I don’t mean to belittle that by thinking that my relatively minor issue even remotely compares.  So, can anybody tell me if this is the right place for me?

Super-short version:  When I was young, my mother ended up on life support without hope of recovery;  we pulled the plug and she died.  The thing is: I can’t remember her.  I know what happened, but I can’t remember anything about her, or really almost anything that happened in life before that moment.

Please just let me know what you think.  A simple “nope, sorry bro.  Wrong /r” is totally fine by me.

Thank you for your time.
/respectfully",3.3019804822043604,5.769661425373138,4.280746268656717,82.73090126291622,76.5373134328358,7.406659012629162,25.233065442020674,8.384062270229773,1.907998392652125,557,20,101,11,13,180,92,134,0.057,0.8170000000000001,0.125,0.8521,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,4,0,0,6,8,1,0,5,0,13,2,0,0,1,20,24,8,1,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,8,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,20,5,14,21,2,13,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,4,5,74,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776314912506952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428637489597661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556534649223555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314722123760433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306971251714068,0.0,0.0,0.09746404898888307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609791591746852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656347366429726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540175590669145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621936631692402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089328779859573,0.20845639108170835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960584262475102,0.0,0.32147899435044336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083441061597515,0.16197999327007864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890654263471232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343204982570789,0.25203619623612145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518483155047128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167452879753325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897667089491302,0.13585629506774524,0.0,0.0,0.09803437996049397,0.1891049777805455,0.0,0.0,0.0860452418812126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224558177534732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613371067571558,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Camm_w,2020/02/22,"Did some progress in EMDR TW: sexual abuse

I'm sorry if this is a long post, there's a lot of backstory and context

So, it's my first time posting, and I just wanted to share with everyone the progress I made last session

I have PTSD from sexual abuse doing my childhood, and only got to find out last year because somehow something unlocked the memories from my brain that were repressed all this time and I remembered it.

I started EMDR to treat it, and when I started I felt like I couldn't do much progress cause I thought ""Im already over it and I have come to accept it"" even though I was having severe symptoms.

A few months passed and I broke down cause I realized I haven't accepted it, and I have never let myself feel the pain, I was still in denail, but it wasn't really fully accepted yet, I started griefing but somehow I was unsure if I invented it myself, I have multiple mental illnesses, that are product of the trauma, and I have been diagnosed with PTSD by multiple professionals but I just wasn't sure if it was true, like I rationally knew the abuse happened and have multiple symptoms, but there was a part of me that couldn't be convinced that I didn't made up the memories and the trauma.

Every time during my sessions when the therapist asked me when picturing the memories what I felt I always said ""anger and disgust"", and then I got a block and couldn't picture the memories anymore.
My therapist explained that I couldn't see them anymore cause once agian it was too hard for me to remember, and that I didn't believed I didn't made it up cause it was still very hard for me to accept that the abuse actually happened to me.

Last week during session when we started I could picture the trauma agian and got really distressed, we stopped and my therapist asked me what we're my feelings, and this time, for the fist time I felt anxious and scared, then I finally told her, ""I didn't made it up, my grandfather did in fact abused me, it did happend to me"". For the first time I fully accepted it and finally believed myself that I didn't made it up as an excuse to my other disorders.

She got really happy and also did I, it was so wonderful to not doubt myself anymore, it was reliefing and she said that this was the biggest breakthrough we've done so far and that now things will get easier and better, I just wanted to share with all of you, it gets better, take care ❤️.

I'm sorry if I have misspelled something, English isn't my first language.",5.978219332956478,6.1531215081967225,6.520709440361787,78.28409836065575,66.5,9.763821368004523,33.016110797060485,9.581879112588783,3.005928971170152,1968,79,373,37,29,643,199,488,0.165,0.7240000000000001,0.111,-0.9776,0,0,2,0,5,0,45.0,2,1,1,8,22,30,2,4,21,0,46,6,1,9,6,91,85,44,1,11,12,0,7,2,0,1,5,2,0,0,37,31,0,3,18,0,0,2,15,12,0,3,41,10,68,18,36,36,7,51,0,2,1,0,16,12,0,10,37,276,105,4,0.0,0.37660075121055936,0.0620352283963066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015116451448629,0.05083697034523616,0.052895399403029564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181609637145245,0.18913331396163754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885888772667005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038751730988334884,0.0,0.0,0.14324342326136316,0.0,0.11244514032872674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709652336374132,0.0,0.0,0.06481393371272201,0.2612159351067241,0.0,0.05475999540287383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050755536471446205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452229348738064,0.0,0.0,0.07285681961566369,0.0,0.0,0.06505426333093026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198743857419787,0.0,0.053560534509568325,0.060743936077973966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428588545586097,0.0,0.183111738971312,0.13927583163989754,0.05810190183545533,0.16221803379329747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642548652306203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203371202199352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124296243453089,0.06767153268873037,0.11389261124136955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866659553497911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545430038556302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500471423493757,0.0,0.06211426048957259,0.0,0.0,0.05625752073859423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404500908613298,0.0,0.3007577357717735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406368922163115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074103169789845,0.0,0.046731323576451315,0.0,0.04902916499162984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770006094511406,0.0,0.04834791073751407,0.06764304759160125,0.0,0.0,0.06884020223655822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176512929961356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862004430075795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217386396741788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440250177402895,0.0,0.12093940776414293,0.0,0.06364474039136438,0.0,0.05065712364928013,0.0,0.0,0.07181609637145245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787870732204694,0.0,0.14232300094377842,0.17998092046085998,0.0,0.1015342966816626,0.05314743371152066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991404847555727,0.13214730821244752,0.04779678908228136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142928909603274,0.042233136725320315,0.0,0.062457281250459074,0.05046754300718627,0.22240935066230405,0.0,0.0,0.060743936077973966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245197394451885,0.07499056095229745,0.0,0.0509920840253854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893904049822541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093704756400638
ptsd,TheWiseOne11,2020/02/22,"Anger ? How does one deal with anger to the point where you don’t wanna look at people in the guy or even two to them.

Its so angry to the point where I go numb.

Mainly because of emotional abuse from peers constantly. 

Now I don’t like no one looking at me and at the same time I don’t wanna talk to anyone because I’m a mess and can’t handle my Situation.",3.336103896103893,3.5828587142857127,4.821194805194806,87.92607792207794,72.24675324675323,7.718441558441559,23.19220779220779,7.554174236665415,0.7465033766233762,279,6,64,3,5,94,54,77,0.267,0.6859999999999999,0.048,-0.963,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,6,5,2,0,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,8,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,3,0,2,7,1,13,8,2,12,0,0,2,0,5,8,0,1,4,45,8,0,0.0,0.25531691230488673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506735525899783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627178058091417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328649430920313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215768198424596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857416572497016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242393922509389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232716129609674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246625390164954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133660539451008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052760857972396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36190969296889336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29203919786148996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939158505289266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074098192752405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422164677805007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732003247296279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256522291761742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104995320352176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Streetquats,2020/02/22,"Shamed about my artwork I was abused as a child, a teenager, and an adult. I’ve had two other traumas related to death/fear of being killed. I’m so exhausted. 

I’ve been creating artwork and posting it on Instagram which is very out of character for me. I never use social media and my world is very small due to my ptsd. I barely leave my house and when I do, I spend most of my time with my auntie who I love. 

A lot of my art features women alone, peaceful in their bedrooms in their pajamas or without a top on. I never intended it to be sexual at all. They’re not doing sexual poses or anything, just relaxing in their room alone. It’s peaceful to me and I feel like they accept their bodies which I am trying to do myself. 

My auntie told me she doesn’t think I should be putting myself out there like that, and that it’s inappropriate. I was able to shake her comment off. Then, a week later, her boyfriend told me “with all the trauma you’ve been through, you should not be drawing topless women”.

I immediately started crying, left, and sobbed on my drive home. I feel so much shame. 

It’s not my body’a fault I was raped or abused. My body didn’t do anything wrong. 

The comments hurt me so much and made me feel so ashamed. I deleted my account and I’m really sad right now.",2.169346846846846,4.182347084942084,3.607939189189192,88.41659346846848,78.15057915057916,6.324388674388675,23.53297940797941,7.333567415737692,0.95230102960103,1001,33,206,13,24,329,147,259,0.207,0.698,0.095,-0.9858,0,2,0,0,2,0,31.0,0,1,5,1,9,19,2,4,8,0,21,5,2,3,4,37,33,19,1,2,8,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,3,4,11,13,0,0,5,2,2,3,8,14,0,1,10,3,44,5,27,17,6,30,0,3,0,2,20,16,1,5,12,144,55,0,0.13268484681973874,0.3144196933893526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27484297129829444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183766469020162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947659063183582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574807383106492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493073412554178,0.20126833585689466,0.09479008107970734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309371982133705,0.0,0.0,0.15310049862143713,0.14204187277380542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679612411047652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404940946026415,0.1441624743002683,0.0,0.0,0.1296462279712667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280391191111792,0.11975325461710205,0.12554961024621755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507725865330766,0.0,0.2046694672574514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707540577399778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510148549341934,0.13338491885443765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500131046240403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331213420637085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525549193595612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391501750416976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501909226279195,0.0,0.0,0.07736960120386273,0.0,0.0,0.25357211444090577,0.0,0.09008430132851193,0.0,0.12961381548058254,0.0,0.0,0.11459710613310688,0.0,0.2189577890151526,0.0,0.0,0.10643178069221174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279034574644277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145070050781177,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Fuckafuckinusername,2020/02/22,"Afraid of being readmitted against my will for speaking my truth about memories of abuse So many memories of abuse as a kid have come to me in recent years. I was abused by immediate and extended family. Still living around them, and not sure what to do. 
Started speaking up and got manipulated into going to a mental hospital, where I became so afraid that I started to lie just to get out... I’m not proud of that... Have been on medication for “schizophrenia” for a year now and have never been less productive or happy... can anyone relate? I truly don’t think I have schizophrenia. New here",4.637477477477479,6.643922117117121,5.484864864864863,77.70585585585586,71.07207207207206,8.536936936936938,26.74774774774775,9.150863307647796,2.3547909909909914,469,16,83,10,9,153,77,111,0.161,0.795,0.044000000000000004,-0.9276,0,0,0,0,3,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,9,6,0,2,3,0,12,1,0,1,3,17,20,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,2,9,4,22,14,1,18,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,9,65,12,0,0.0,0.6505312558977344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796887668227774,0.0,0.0,0.16292283049214654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765187433410366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253097318756566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561818236900256,0.0,0.10401207560246434,0.0,0.14637442432393447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482368267109124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160627156176066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554925802528252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436912679210032,0.18443684314147374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115303883975144,0.1767577641612769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180705986584623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590789977818616,0.0,0.14615662458783746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724901905419123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726911095336695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357123016789464
ptsd,PurpleKushGirl,2020/02/22,"House fire survivor | how to sleep again? Last night my (33 F) and my husband's(35M) home caught fire. The fire was put out and there were no casualties..except things...and our home...which we cannot return to. 

It happened 24 hours ago almost to the minute. I was in bed asleep and I was woken to my husband yelling to me that the house was on fire and to get the cats out. The inside of our home was a hellscape. The outside was worse. 

I fell several times and am banged up and bruised. Idk. Everytime I close my eyes I see fire. I can only smell smoke. I can't sleep because I feel like it is going to happen again and this time I am not getting lucky. 

The feelings of shame and regret... Of loss. I am just so... Overwhelmed and I know i should sleep....but all I see is the fire. 

I can't see my therapist for 2 weeks. But things with her are still new... This kind of trauma is new for me. I am so afraid still....

I am also sorry if I am in the wrong place... I am just so panicked",-0.8902661533310976,1.2414201407767005,0.7560729829260141,102.29393203883495,95.16504854368931,3.618078339471042,15.35587546032809,5.250760702829517,-1.0985170405088722,743,17,180,4,29,237,115,206,0.19699999999999998,0.773,0.03,-0.9834,0,1,1,0,1,0,49.0,3,0,0,1,12,10,0,3,10,0,23,4,4,1,1,28,36,16,0,3,5,1,8,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,6,14,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,7,0,0,9,14,29,3,20,26,1,26,0,3,4,0,5,8,0,3,15,114,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147802248672038,0.0,0.12966005468179012,0.0,0.0,0.10354873336763362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893256880563453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094253979269582,0.09250377545147713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353006472667669,0.0,0.07358904344293132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290054878348301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896506290147204,0.0,0.1275161812348548,0.2988155297404526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348382143424953,0.07116131241140276,0.10554717555721477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325960176308194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501139355290672,0.0,0.12151246165211466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984788212956544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528377644293885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016771841295371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095472224824723,0.0,0.0,0.14628066472432238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887341321986245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494733239143345,0.0,0.0,0.2068130288520412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034152153888378,0.08602376940149052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100694365931114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386468109225938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195580016470929,0.0,0.141571008794814,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway36179,2020/02/22,"this is stupid figured i would try. long and stupid but whatever.

trigger warning for like. sex stuff i guess. 

im a 19 year old girl. i was pretty sheltered growing up. didnt have a lot of internet access until i was well into junior high, and even then it was a fight just to use youtube. only recently (as in the past few years) have i been able to use the internet completely unmonitored. i went to church until i was about twelve. i live in a rural area with basically no neighbors, and most of my family lives at least an hour away. i didnt have a lot of friends growing up either, and even now my only real friends are online. 

i dont remember anything major that could have happened, but im concerned. i have a lot of weird triggers and feelings that align with signs of sexual abuse but i dont remember any occuring. its weird to get into so ill just start.

my dad used to get angry with me when i was little. nothing major, he hit and squeezed too hard a few times but again, nothing major. my mom is emotionally abusive and has been for a long time. again, nothing major. i dont know my family very well. my grandmas are close, my aunts and uncles arent so much. good neutral relationships with all, albeit im extremely shy around them and have been since i was a kid.

in elementary school i was bullied. i dont remember chunks of second and third grade, specific events ive been told about but have no memory of. 

im a virgin, as far as i know. ive never been in a real relationship. ive kissed girls and ""dated"" boys, but actual sex has no appeal to me. when i was in kindergarten, on the playground my best friend showed me and another girl his penis. nothing new, i have a little brother and we used to take baths together as little kids. at a slumber party in fifth grade a bunch of girls and i flashed each other. again, just curious bullshit. i dont remember anything that bad.

i have a lot of weird triggers though, and some other things, and i dont know if theyre normal or if theyre a sign that something might have happened. 

anything involving a hand coming toward my face is a bad one. yeah, even like those emoji memes that look like theyre reaching toward the screen.

anyone touching between my legs. even just thighs. honestly anyone touching anywhere on my body, unless its like. my neck or ankles or something. 

ive been struggling with my gender identity since i was 14. i consider myself a trans man but because this is a throwaway account im being honest. i go by male pronouns everywhere else online. still in the closet. im only mentioning this because several people have pointed out that female to male dysphoria is common in girls who have been sexually abused. i personally cannot stand my body and dont think of myself as a human deserving of love or life, but thats a different issue. point is, i dont feel connected to my body at all. i dont feel like i want to be a male, either. i would rather not have a body at all. thats a big factor that concerns me in terms of all this. because it seems so common, and is with a friend of mine as well. im sure he wouldnt be happy to know that. 

sex in general has absolutely no appeal to me. men nor women. getting off seems like the same as getting high- feel good chemicals and nothing more.

anyway nobody wants to hear that, so whatever. 
so yeah. im going to therapy Again for some other stuff next week and was wondering if this was something to bring up. idk if im just being paranoid or what. so yeah. figured id ask here before embarrassing myself in front of a therapist. thanks.",2.196339221771304,4.5023677824858765,3.815680751173709,85.46698137980427,79.5084745762712,6.644099626004615,23.81363889552001,7.777084706406198,1.3688014402800992,2802,98,542,47,71,931,319,708,0.134,0.7290000000000001,0.13699999999999998,0.5377,3,0,3,0,3,0,89.0,1,0,1,1,34,33,3,2,34,3,69,17,9,7,6,114,108,58,0,12,27,4,9,6,5,4,2,1,3,16,29,34,0,0,18,2,1,8,21,10,3,3,22,12,63,23,80,76,27,79,1,0,2,6,40,39,0,21,37,372,92,4,0.04526361182540329,0.1608899353575709,0.04417075578709072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030780808196661076,0.04746284360595357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329873963943486,0.0,0.11174428746789897,0.040294210967589,0.04231536691829567,0.0,0.04252665329695388,0.0,0.07558645042376545,0.08277683294133009,0.0,0.03851599984087972,0.0,0.047501368067829626,0.0,0.0,0.2011106751486639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038990593673490184,0.04745803582268252,0.0,0.0,0.036139310908968984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729084048885877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774375435822393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037811939580313536,0.0509154709879844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958475487755504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534100974139806,0.0,0.0915465686331472,0.032336333332165394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988221686025104,0.0,0.0945934759683594,0.0,0.05144870740144108,0.07592994016326171,0.0,0.0,0.04986297149040096,0.0,0.08005292490366096,0.04818395646158366,0.04054730551613567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05101538018633487,0.0,0.0,0.09564698207654894,0.0,0.0,0.04457553998774907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400322124159969,0.04724345089017679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950278925411077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0319710276363149,0.13268108630727618,0.13609809067963238,0.07993719701928398,0.08011374420536778,0.038010034001397616,0.0,0.0,0.1539260165275256,0.04085217688182024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048017539197488905,0.0,0.053012195112090994,0.0,0.0,0.03327396278959843,0.0,0.034910087852907716,0.043715878356392505,0.048138364680796734,0.0,0.04434872921413417,0.2171582815641808,0.0,0.04749654645169865,0.0,0.03067179480437463,0.10327504934905377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320923917178197,0.031380089219501486,0.03952243994704549,0.0,0.0,0.08557748733458855,0.0,0.0,0.0460493657886227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030397994460952,0.0,0.0,0.04469235603476762,0.09719235933327408,0.20509939433757265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580919167621271,0.0,0.08241258444695339,0.0,0.051134997587829634,0.0,0.07488505488646406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453841928957093,0.0,0.0,0.032037817420551964,0.0,0.03614757887315806,0.0,0.0,0.04731935486367963,0.10363201263167332,0.0,0.0,0.04266041847259995,0.0,0.0340326029667077,0.0,0.0,0.04167265241079352,0.05176288488523465,0.052554542021869884,0.030071132429779206,0.029003094793177833,0.04447126880254894,0.0,0.052787152111433436,0.0,0.0,0.043251320828643566,0.0,0.03073102124793525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563729107776862,0.0,0.03734722014487055,0.0533953019887339,0.0,0.03630773914736174,0.0,0.12209226891686085,0.04195982163887069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908645620824001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430794232859845,0.0,0.0,0.058296563979504876
ptsd,Skulls4Life,2020/02/22,"21 on a bus So at 9AM I hugged my step mom goodbye and we had a moment and it was really sweet and pure. The look in her eyes was the same way she would look at me when I would just simply be me.... even tho I always thought she didnt really like me.... I knew she loved me. I walked away to get on the bus as she jumped in her van to get to work. When I got on the bus it wasnt too hot and wasnt too cold (in this moment I felt like goldy what's her face) it was PERFECT!! I was comfortable for a few hours. But as we all know cali isnt always the COOLEST. It started to get warmer and warmer. Honestly it was like a classic seen in a movie where everyone I'd hot and messing with the a/c. It was funny. But I hated it. We are about 4 hours in on our way to LA in the middle of NOWHERE when the bus driver decides to announce that we have no A/C and we have 2 choices

1 - stay at that rest stop in that heat and wait 4 hours for another bus to come save us and then we will have A/C but it would basically be cooling down cuz its evening by then

OR 

2 - we all take the heat and keep going....



.... EVERYONE said take the heat. Even myself thinking that would be the only problem for me on this LOVELY bus ride across the country. 







If you enjoyed this I'll tell you what.... it's TRUE and I'm going to keep telling the rest of the story in sections about MY story on a bus across the country.",-0.5168206656731229,1.3364503114754098,1.6715946348733262,99.53984103328371,86.8688524590164,4.746150024838549,17.767014406358673,5.941861826196648,-0.5683551912568308,1055,26,266,8,33,353,146,305,0.047,0.8290000000000001,0.124,0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,9,2,0,2,14,17,1,0,21,1,23,5,2,1,5,49,49,26,0,6,6,1,3,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,19,20,0,4,6,0,0,7,5,3,0,0,16,11,35,14,40,25,7,46,0,0,4,3,24,24,0,2,15,177,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414584714526654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863227854696505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525437367342665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567105813885118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24307107935454603,0.0,0.0,0.2344366888146737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778434891132328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227315661657965,0.0,0.13943463894172026,0.0,0.09811199751419243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111319426638367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624216022762456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180730041029673,0.0,0.0,0.0674173181120212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979401522468647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060271534440508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143252265032973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367195325796253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329757697838877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738052818691247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717363727988398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668915505836848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868278666295568,0.13075202039402184,0.0,0.1025592773765299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844681410509796,0.0,0.2144414542676378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860325856439229,0.0,0.09738785827139562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755930098694728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474263311275689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930667047514491,0.0,0.0,0.3485706511422261,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Azks,2020/02/22,"I'm in law enforcment and wonder if I have PTSD, or at least some symptoms. I have been in patrol for a number of years and am currently a detective.  The reason I am posting is because recently I had to investigate a suicide where a shotgun was used.  I have been on many suicide calls before, but this was the first for a shotgun.  I have been on homicides and other disturbing calls.  In addition I have also been involved in a ""suicide by cop"" scenario that lasted for hours, and where mutliple times I sincerely thought the person we were trying to help was going to put a rifle round through me.  I did not end up being the one who shot, but saw it all happen.

It seems when I experience these  kinds of calls it opens a large wound.  Somethings concern or scare me.  For instance, there was once where I was with my wife and children on an outing and everything in my body started acting like an active shooter was about to engage.  I couldnt co yrol my breathing, heart rate, etc.  I have had dreams, though not consistent, of being shot and in fights for my life.  I have bouts where the images and memories intrude and I can't stop them, which is what happened today and has caused me to question my mental health a little.  Each time I get a little more worried.

I know it's not normal to spend hours around someone that just committed suicide in such a horrible way or experience what I deal with in my job on a regular basis. I know I shouldn't be ""OK"" after these incidents, but I don't know if I'm in trouble and need professional help or if this is part of the process.",6.527647058823527,6.096071741935487,6.937893738140419,77.80037001897534,65.45161290322581,9.745730550284632,33.396584440227706,9.168548406835145,2.8052637571157493,1240,47,239,19,17,405,176,310,0.129,0.7759999999999999,0.096,-0.9392,2,0,1,4,1,4,31.0,1,0,1,1,12,9,1,2,20,1,34,7,3,3,2,51,50,24,4,7,14,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,15,18,0,1,8,1,1,3,7,4,0,2,16,2,32,5,37,29,7,43,0,0,2,0,15,23,0,11,16,181,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367774996983178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931486455421282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378542298093362,0.0,0.08903793201868576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622753333741408,0.0,0.0,0.32053661518597104,0.0,0.0,0.1074904816197634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787560949807372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926768576772013,0.0,0.11669732723796901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404051528863548,0.20470909829065534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900373081618454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466823863769129,0.0,0.05946731917883059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505937571180345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122367819675376,0.0,0.12399472477800255,0.14027124494888818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609169776311634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038355541717844,0.0,0.0,0.10896278514650218,0.17251640789304978,0.08529269146095775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390783562701125,0.051120095508351934,0.20974647065926566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608496067857763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054489544209237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758661917842159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252152750016708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143442920056863,0.07090438238564006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133111039368452,0.0,0.0,0.09136453255155198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021281731959164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231443792823815,0.10518855654981077,0.1172167973842636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107583721830052,0.10331589403931336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475936384872506,0.0,0.0,0.0952571155076684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865814434935791,0.08055426929500413,0.0,0.0,0.0740622344299246,0.0,0.0,0.08748077706931208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578212748289137,0.0,0.0,0.10875736044746108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280480384215346,0.08306967186809933,0.12202873820165858,0.0,0.099183141956724,0.0,0.0,0.07104129691667249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903723170689318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305556215398296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347379190371408,0.0,0.10626341790786872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738245822481502
ptsd,weeniewrrm,2020/02/22,"Am I valid for quitting my job? TW: Light mention of sexual assault

So for some quick background: I was sexually assaulted by a friend at the time roughly a year ago and this past month has been hell going through the first anniversary of the event. And for some context I work in a traditional pub doing bar work and serving mostly.

Basically, Ive been thinking about quitting my job for a couple of weeks and after being off sick for three weeks I had my first shift back today and something confirmed in my mind that I want to quit. An older married man (kept mentioning his wife of 33 years) told me he had something embarrassing to say and I was confused. After asking what he meant he mouthed 'you're very pretty' to me and I didn't fully understand what he was trying to tell me so I asked him to speak up and he said it louder. I immediately felt very grossed out but thanked him and continued my nice customer service voice, even hours after this it keeps playing in my head and making me feel worse. 

This is the tipping point for me quitting my job and I dont know if Im just taking it to heart too much.",4.370636363636365,5.673704200000002,5.005227272727275,83.66784090909091,70.63636363636364,7.5,28.75,7.865858978985527,1.7655909090909088,884,33,173,11,16,284,141,220,0.084,0.847,0.069,-0.3071,3,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,8,8,10,3,2,9,0,15,5,3,1,0,30,32,15,0,2,3,1,3,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,9,12,1,2,6,3,0,1,2,6,0,3,13,8,26,4,29,18,4,29,1,0,0,0,20,8,1,5,20,114,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046975444964929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208341413636092,0.0,0.0,0.09081943469282502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068666304374946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842424641214734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801065719976212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972005370389698,0.0,0.1134042909277916,0.0,0.0,0.20092891041695105,0.0,0.0,0.09125162884684702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712473476362815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121511516893432,0.0,0.0,0.13996112701470806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631473169097915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757925768412529,0.0,0.3516183743808257,0.10498175109584916,0.0,0.0,0.06491026377794179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883945949458465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925760814303768,0.0,0.09427441549576926,0.0,0.08682456915230749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274952725684208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165229272428917,0.0,0.0,0.12016051017476136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5024988417768836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234982415465246,0.09392595240047703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185396736128293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880415321735108,0.0,0.10323349957579987,0.10873998128446792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568023158000257,0.0,0.0,0.06887099333243919,0.0,0.11195463640873844,0.11285933448807953,0.0,0.08018905642030942,0.0,0.0,0.12295685839862625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490652908516387,0.06966444182263748,0.0,0.1894817174796808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197122935205375,0.0,0.12036435958632165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211816165649816
ptsd,Cavenge,2020/02/22,"Looking for some resources on sexual repression/ sexual anxiety My trauma is not from anything related to sex or abuse. But for all of my life I have anxiety and OCD, and I have realized what this has been doing to me sexually. I am in my teens figuring myself out physically and mentally with sex. 

Every time I engage in something sexual I feel discomfort. After I am done I rush to forget it and move on. My discomfort when even talking about sexuality makes me physically ill. Physical comfort like being in my bed sometime disturbs me. It has been a subject that I have ignored throughout the last few years. This is probably due to underlying anxiety but I am confused on why.

I know my situation is different from a lot of people here but I am looking for any info or advice on this. For the past two weeks my mental and physical confusion has been seriously affecting me. I don’t know what I am looking for so anything helps.",4.373882575757577,6.566694835227278,6.618954545454546,68.50634848484849,72.23863636363636,10.602424242424243,33.32424242424242,10.650279960617883,4.460392878787879,745,38,123,26,15,263,104,176,0.152,0.797,0.051,-0.9018,1,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,12,0,6,4,0,21,4,0,2,1,29,28,12,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,8,7,0,2,6,0,0,2,2,9,0,1,4,4,25,3,25,23,4,19,0,0,3,2,2,9,0,6,9,103,33,0,0.0,0.1889876433754539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558666880634193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084690423179742,0.0,0.3660632479376887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26251846645712185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666490413593175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322925377762754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535171586889276,0.0,0.13439005581315971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806506489668075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069130094605066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531983223772804,0.13001807080845654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126632779580082,0.07792621013234619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018327225455178,0.0,0.0,0.13560566290111642,0.0,0.0,0.1064709955546418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214875597835522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952884200637522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226581324007898,0.11058085946752803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197364152228345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792905883880503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279493717132275,0.15775477464261695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282042811305345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300879625443872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581345603720206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794549346733364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392868218659094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271615392430353
ptsd,almoststable,2020/02/22,"Experienced a sudden, massive processing of trauma after a drug relapse and have questions. Hello /r/ptsd, throw away here

​

M/26 with c-ptsd caused by major events and narcissistic emotional abuse. Until yesterday I couldn't really remember my childhood, only what people in my life told me about it.

I have struggled with compulsive and self destructive behavior since 14 including food, drug, and sex addiction. I have been working with trauma therapists in private and clinical settings, going to support groups, and practicing mindful behaviors for the last five years after my initial diagnosis. 

But something incredible really intense happened last night:

​

I had been at the tail end of a 5 day meth and sex relapse (PNP, if you are familiar). 

I was in the kitchen with my best friend of 13 years talking out a solution and I asked her why people always leave me. When people have sex with me, they never want to hook up again or even respond to my texts. Dating rarely turns into a relationship. Friends fleet shortly. And she said  ""because I think they can tell you're a little unstable"". 

I don't cry. I just compartmentalize and move on and when it comes to aspects of myself I am embarrassed of, I cope with total denial.. I think because I was still coming down from my high, my inhibitions were still lowered and I couldn't deny what she was saying. Barely fighting back tears I said ""I don't know who I am authentically. I have no fucking idea who I am"" and I broke. 

Then all of a sudden, it all came up. I started remembering *everything*. 

In messy and loud stream of consciousness it all poured out and I swear I went through the all stages of grief over it in 20 minutes. 

​

Basically, the biggest thing I remembered was the nasty divorce my family experience when I was 8. It was like a war zone. 

8 year old me decided that in order to save his family, he would get hurt or sick and put in the hospital. Then his mom and dad would have to come together over what had happened and his life would be okay again. This was the first time I remembered this.

Almost immediately after I felt no hunger for my parents. No fear of what others thought of me. No need to people please. No desire to keep getting high (prior to this I was of course trying to argue why I should get high one more time). 

The chronic emptiness and psychological pain that was never not there wasn't there.

My brain was quiet. There were no racing thoughts. Hell there weren't really *any* thoughts. I even pointed out the fan in the kitchen.. I could isolate the sound and focus on it. I didn't even know that I wasn't able to do this before. I shushed her so I could listen for a minute.

In my body, I didn't feel tense. I'm usually always on edge, hyper vigilant  of conflict and danger. 

But mostly, I didn't feel like myself. For as long as I could remember I never felt like the age I was. I always felt like a child. I didn't feel like a man at all. In fact so much so that I felt so weak, submissive, and fragile I thought I might have been a trans woman.

I felt like a confident adult man. I still do, even without the meth in my sys. To me, I met the main part of myself that had always been missing and that person. The fully realized individual that is separate from his toxic family. This person is currently the one controlling my brain, not the child.

​

My questions are:

\- What the hell is going on?

\- Has anybody else experienced anything like this? How was your experience? What else did you experience when you finally processed trauma?

\- Is this normal? Does one small resurface snowball into a drastic processing and reduction of symptoms of ptsd like this often?

\- Is there any medical or psychological explanation for what happened to me? Is a different part of my brain in control now or is a previously inactive part one back online?

\- Why couldn't I access this before? When I've tried to it was like the cogs would jam and I couldn't even speak. I've done counseling for years. I've always given it my all and taken it seriously.. but this never came out even when talking about their divorce in EMDR. Might the meth have acted as a catalyst and caused the thoughts to start moving themselves?",3.482249139400956,6.025510756587206,4.473795483061483,81.18699409645146,76.31493099121705,7.499977479651256,26.278174564874693,8.463088693708992,2.093353196280926,3351,128,603,68,78,1086,355,797,0.09699999999999999,0.8440000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.9687,4,0,6,0,5,0,131.0,0,4,3,5,35,36,8,3,39,1,72,24,4,6,12,127,121,52,2,17,12,3,9,9,2,7,12,8,2,9,38,44,4,4,28,0,0,13,26,21,0,6,50,19,91,15,88,56,16,106,2,4,0,4,53,39,3,12,60,431,129,1,0.046564080008186674,0.055170820594990996,0.0,0.05076172032527622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662719996077741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937252236874397,0.2018086449384125,0.2263218156099369,0.06333034231181592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03831827032999334,0.0,0.043531129118897685,0.0,0.04374848596347367,0.07160980659433754,0.0,0.05677006196165104,0.0,0.0792452049608416,0.0,0.04886612919314985,0.0,0.0,0.05172219576867245,0.0,0.15594273886494442,0.0,0.10651380543382152,0.0,0.09566827366913792,0.0,0.12033249558490693,0.0,0.0,0.10445115030654042,0.11153288679858718,0.0,0.05114845540824183,0.03002997945505368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04864955294932419,0.0,0.0,0.04074854020496199,0.04765122055164691,0.0,0.0,0.10799909938499903,0.0,0.07779662774919324,0.05237832265538366,0.04124195393607799,0.0,0.0,0.18453081413465788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041848792642146734,0.1366458155833034,0.13168941160416858,0.05239753559403925,0.07063259383859671,0.06653077612358335,0.22354409515358695,0.05100867361471895,0.0,0.03960738266769229,0.05630547037684036,0.0,0.07195058541426079,0.04304774164397957,0.07298342982824801,0.0,0.05292687947659474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352938651301112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759252122212874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049847810709973364,0.05256517852994429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138829380151692,0.0,0.0,0.05118080123320858,0.07591188006328528,0.0,0.04930463740628093,0.0,0.0,0.06577917354645617,0.2047397170452189,0.04666944099094316,0.0,0.041207745521100035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690841181857595,0.0,0.09879426085627853,0.04701644688117017,0.05453528773025648,0.0,0.09898049587748968,0.034229956537731136,0.034526675314755,0.14365235634716278,0.0,0.0,0.043697234750396635,0.04562291191772233,0.0,0.0,0.048861169047234906,0.0,0.12621210280563905,0.03541408110403203,0.049547464140454335,0.0,0.051703900361742994,0.1512730830371839,0.0,0.12912668045291453,0.08131591720571152,0.0,0.051113376918196375,0.04401810644848887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329275315928052,0.0468097614934244,0.10432485259900263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949042598397046,0.0,0.0,0.049992395808315285,0.26374012762182697,0.0,0.08858620630962921,0.03702962536783158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04857649069704389,0.0,0.0,0.03851828816269784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035847303705423904,0.0,0.0,0.0659165909875981,0.0,0.11155840333143632,0.0,0.0,0.04867888657023944,0.0,0.0,0.05284036618397719,0.0,0.0483979081963094,0.0,0.07485288738915702,0.04069905832206025,0.0,0.0,0.05406448581565782,0.030935105704736593,0.059672764588203385,0.0,0.1848333913414534,0.05430377902237162,0.0,0.0,0.04449397390763273,0.0,0.06322790755814336,0.05064834783673357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051283755605345184,0.0,0.027464700822541373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043165368673144085,0.1260505188841553,0.0,0.0,0.04488611148482191,0.0,0.033899204821476216,0.0,0.0,0.1323111457963743,0.0,0.2263218156099369,0.11994296344776295
ptsd,95girl,2020/02/22,"I believe my mind is deteriorating to insanity: PLEASE HELP ME OUT! Find out why:

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/f7d0dh/worried_for_my_mental_health_job_news_no_good/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

My mental health is deteriorating to the point I feel jumpy and angry very quickly and everything would ideally end up with me wanting to call police and feeling assaulted because of the amount  of gaslighting I get HOURLY. 

Even without said abuse I feel like that when there's silence.

Not just by my mom either, it's the whole family. I can't even hang out because if I don't call back, they'll threaten to leave (I'm jobless, no way to pay the bills) or they'll hunt me down in the town (mom admitted this herself sadly).

My creepy theory is that mom IS trying to make me crazy so she can fullfill her threats of force commitment. This wouldn't be far fetched, consider the plot of the movie Gaslight (which she knows).


Please help me out, due to the reasons in the link above, I would not leave any sooner than maybe a few years and I don't think I can handle it, due to >!suicidal thoughts that make me believe this is the only way out!< as well.",8.643802521008402,10.616799024509806,6.6938375350140085,73.02441176470593,61.20588235294117,8.377591036414566,29.76750700280112,8.634040054169528,2.1044801120448176,987,31,166,13,14,287,126,204,0.12,0.748,0.131,0.5283,4,0,0,0,1,0,48.0,0,0,2,1,9,6,2,0,11,0,16,1,0,3,1,35,29,9,0,6,7,3,3,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,9,9,0,0,10,0,2,1,8,3,1,0,2,4,25,3,25,21,4,22,0,1,0,0,15,11,0,2,9,105,34,1,0.0,0.13880778858326553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25387162469928665,0.0,0.07966842500909345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900838413044902,0.0,0.14283142200257906,0.0,0.0,0.2639838442713257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925372711249304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376326400408188,0.0,0.0,0.1547576173978883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529004823363856,0.0,0.11044193172810192,0.0,0.17770905067026935,0.08369451284979962,0.0,0.0,0.10707621374010946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120788965632325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452873536598015,0.0,0.0,0.1570510976160695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537263875803801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438452211227719,0.0,0.0,0.24809736782805686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572353023083981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564017961940262,0.0,0.1176964780905256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806321416985625,0.0,0.118291679337652,0.4116264326659086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910054680617531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257198814174677,0.11074796328645246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045335168436093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143984505041923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281469586836354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506725839682665,0.0,0.09300682509979487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953956394197485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666394034879423,0.06910019361981512,0.18598205504136853,0.0,0.0,0.10533510262029784,0.0,0.10571284837037746,0.13079774434324032,0.0,0.11293183255417667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644502795903846,0.0,0.0,0.07544303914984272
ptsd,annamjr,2020/02/23,"Wondering if I have trauma and what to do about it I already have a therapist and psychiatrist for bipolar, among other things, but I think that going through a time where I was severely ill and suicidal may have traumatised me. It was about a year ago and lasted probably six months, and I keep having flashbacks to that time, with many different triggers. I have also been dissociating really badly, as in constantly, for the past few months because I was triggered badly right before. I feel like it doesn’t count because ptsd is such a serious illness and it wasn’t any kind of cut and dry traumatic event, and what if I’m just being silly and these sorts of flashbacks are just normal? Does anyone have a similar situation or any words of advice? I’m talking to my therapist about it and since she’s a bipolar specialist I think I might look elsewhere to look for a diagnosis or other treatment. Thanks for reading :)

Edit: also a lot of the posts I see on here/other places make me feel worse as I had no abuser who did this to me, and also because I was so old, (I was 14), and most people seem to have been children. I kind of know this is irrational it just makes it harder to believe that I actually have trauma and belong here.",7.861011157601119,6.8480933682008365,8.272897489539751,71.22376743375176,63.01673640167364,11.313947001394705,35.397838214783825,10.504223727775694,3.6468239888424,981,37,178,20,12,326,135,239,0.233,0.721,0.046,-0.9947,1,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,13,11,1,0,10,0,26,4,0,4,0,41,43,24,1,3,8,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,19,14,0,1,7,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,10,5,21,5,26,30,3,19,0,0,3,0,4,6,0,11,12,135,40,2,0.0,0.13987629608016666,0.11520500087519805,0.0,0.0,0.11536233067513615,0.10464895286557796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027702449417788,0.2832264842663514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056338507443066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254705206664441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714258748925412,0.2158963536285952,0.0,0.10045641547918667,0.1330079628043588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757590334531355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334272354696932,0.0,0.0,0.10331104038465803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119384673542143,0.08433877219102423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709358121219976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493302756057823,0.0,0.2458729794880953,0.06488013799423542,0.0962308743754505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576758852917315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982735374284496,0.0,0.0,0.1003664446803057,0.0,0.0,0.15760573794302882,0.11968960469324337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523807996258687,0.0,0.0,0.18846132277681346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566918647612212,0.0,0.0,0.12387924041671072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269719858532788,0.08184472150356589,0.0,0.12334272354696932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306440058473102,0.0,0.12728364442201245,0.0,0.13800039732553132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808730664276645,0.0,0.07562928607476355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081863170128412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407483659232868,0.10747316515368976,0.0,0.1333689527581246,0.0,0.0976566130690444,0.13269917005066728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913340178928587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488842585614628,0.0,0.10868951350070387,0.0,0.27414274226182217,0.0784307349095302,0.15129021459977046,0.0,0.0,0.13767805863476362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802600113270834,0.0,0.0,0.12030849676198835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602378071876599
ptsd,mehezz,2020/02/23,"Has EMDR treatment worked for you? I was diagnosed with PTSD about a month ago and I’m trying EMDR with my therapist. I’ve only had one session so far, so I don’t have too many takeaways myself yet. I guess I’m just wondering what other people’s experiences have been with EMDR? It was really hard the first time, so maybe I’m wondering if it’s worth it in the long run.",0.8314141414141432,3.1912826753246786,3.224588744588747,87.18227994227995,85.88311688311687,6.53910533910534,18.94516594516595,7.793537801064563,0.8627616161616158,294,8,60,6,9,101,56,77,0.025,0.9420000000000001,0.033,0.1449,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,9,14,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,6,0,6,10,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,6,38,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999809376833191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22897942245986935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068025433984176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189538831168806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485240202930313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209343883285708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964905014213224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287231617906969,0.22664569225763076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007190236464707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287251293985807,0.17157909428595414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640275131789608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637145246286353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445252449394174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261939184078681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315492726409086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316770581387634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4893075191540913,0.1642396097528765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,raegirl1,2020/02/23,"Can your existence be a trigger to someone? Hi, I know lol it is a weird question but I'm very curious. Trying to get an answer but I gotta keep this somewhat vague because reasons...

Used to be friends with someone who later I found was literally wrong and.... I think it crossed a line at some point as even just being friends. Mind you there is an age gap issue there too and stuff, (I was underage they were college age... you do the numbers.)

Of course I was a dumb teen and I did say some dumb things here and there but nothing straight up illegal yknow. It's more of a thing you look back and laugh/cringe at and move on lol.

Even if clearly they were at fault for a number of reasons in this whole ish, and no matter how much I fucked up being a dummy teen lol can they claim PTSD from any of that lol? Alternatively can this *make THEM* triggered? Obviously I'm in a better space now so it's not like I'm asking this out of wanting to have closure - curiosity is truly killing the cat here. :P",0.8502996715927758,3.2357938226600997,2.298897783251231,93.64585077996719,86.14285714285714,4.95968801313629,22.2514367816092,6.42735559955562,0.3845535303776684,778,28,168,8,24,251,129,203,0.162,0.644,0.195,0.7903,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,4,4,1,13,11,4,0,12,4,18,1,0,7,2,36,33,14,1,2,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,13,9,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,7,2,16,4,22,21,6,19,0,0,1,1,15,12,3,5,6,113,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125606678384004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294729292895168,0.0,0.0,0.12580107945115326,0.0,0.09973124373511824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469410024973547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611728629707655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938291678183102,0.2527994905371563,0.1512489035873255,0.08547613510025506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075966601509604,0.0,0.145418408022457,0.1810031574645732,0.0,0.08991226688806167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992846118508791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373858299722697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092066818221208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519301059184022,0.0,0.0,0.17388474872634613,0.1202674797435675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698207871610853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465829528028754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124386813255803,0.0,0.18327348857237047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364235238189535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010415931812824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772416201065909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728699462062656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738194114319093,0.10483058893813768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107611374111896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130099259831075,0.0,0.13499011436220884,0.09649764954265046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265759086069785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788748674670561,0.0,0.0
ptsd,GuerillaRebelRevolt,2020/02/23,"Told my health care provider that I have CPTSD and depression. Am I in the running to eventually be fired if they are also my employer? Hi,

I  go to an incredible external therapist who doesn't accept private  insurance. I plan on sticking with her because she is incredible.  Foolishly, I accidentally disclosed to my OBGYN and Primary Care  Provider (through my husband's insurance) that I was diagnosed with  C-PTSD and depression through my private therapist. I brought it up  because I was worried if these are contraindications for the birth  control pills that I am now taking.

I  wouldn't be so worried if my husband's plan is a health system that I  actually am employed through. I accidentally told my PCP when she was  taking down my general history and she probed about where I worked. She  wrote my general occupation but not my employer in the notes, but now  they know. I didn't think and blurted it out and now I'm worried I will  lose my job or be unable to continue work with my employer if they know  my history of mental health. I am high functioning and have since been  going to therapy as of last year and am outperforming and doing very  well. I'm just nervous now and feel I shouldn't have said anything about  it and kept it between me and my private therapist.",7.266090854751942,7.633780322175737,7.805095636580994,69.51001046025107,63.76987447698746,11.849491930663481,40.083980872683796,11.491704259439757,4.93017967722654,1023,55,180,30,14,339,125,239,0.113,0.855,0.032,-0.93,5,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,6,12,8,0,1,5,0,25,5,0,1,0,37,43,23,0,6,9,2,2,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,10,16,0,2,5,0,0,4,5,4,1,0,11,3,40,4,24,26,0,22,0,3,0,0,16,8,0,5,9,134,50,7,0.0,0.0,0.11908430920494592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758786502662736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042082552579372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877750060855754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24883675687391146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686774808166788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020963642330787,0.12385853888015932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061702362182285975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870565878292238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891386168799848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893207943990528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121096588389798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341297054028916,0.0994712652413645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652108075449634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229781911552129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264729708497315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607909087754473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094501296189376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350372061874606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395526809349916,0.4250609631238698,0.0,0.07819231178427226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332110271287593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068806458993756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972020774189917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776795300792065,0.37178413931301496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858373630715858
ptsd,cir-uela,2020/02/23,"My trauma isn’t bad enough (tw?) I was emotionally and psychologically abused and bullied for like 4-5 years, and I know that sounds like a lot but part of me wishes that the abuse would’ve been worse or would’ve lasted longer because I feel like my case wasn’t “bad enough” and my parents don’t even take it seriously (even though I am diagnosed) and continuously talk to me about my abusers. I just feel,,, off? I see a lot of people suffered from s*xual or physical ab*se but I don’t see many cases like mine and I hate feeling like a snowflake",4.0496559633027545,5.331282165137615,4.879713302752292,84.34507454128442,71.38532110091744,8.018807339449541,25.551605504587158,8.472884824447931,1.4326412844036698,432,13,92,7,8,140,70,109,0.309,0.561,0.13,-0.9805,1,0,0,0,3,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,18,16,11,0,1,5,1,3,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,6,15,5,7,13,5,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,4,8,55,18,0,0.0,0.4897648890985756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300926370992445,0.08399362441025457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985081819696366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499173361224486,0.0,0.2847414316406907,0.0,0.1820139155389687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090076125690604,0.1968699990224381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360360523168343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572408497108843,0.1123147257901362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33657863358751416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342830154243132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969430516242773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299606297640078,0.14920980156277375,0.0,0.09552409777737753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959666363199465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359861218591207,0.11074790289351816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537494427322122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844815210401136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041663771365845,0.1957597420418227,0.0,0.0,0.08873025565208757
ptsd,dragonlux,2020/02/23,"third party ptsd Hey, this is something I've been struggling with for a while. For a long time I have felt like a lot of my symptoms are just me being stupid because I haven't had a traumatic event. I have avoidance and hypervigilence and nightmares and some other stuff due I think to finding out my friends were sexually abused by a friend's father, who I knew and was probably grooming me. I have never called this trauma because it did not happen to me. But it's 8 years later now and I still have the same hang ups. I had a panic attack going to a play just a couple days ago and could not take public transit for 3 days afterward because I was so scared. I have been to the hospital before because of my mental illness (which started pretty much immediately after this event) and they very aggressively insist that I have had some great traumatic event because of my paranoia. I have always denied this. But recently I looked up the definition of traumatic event and it includes stuff that happened to close friends/family. I haven't seen this talked about, so I was just wondering if people had experienced this and if it's worth bringing up to my dr.",6.1872200772200765,6.9121681081081086,6.540231660231657,76.41567567567569,66.11711711711712,9.045559845559847,31.622908622908625,9.04235418022936,2.6687016731016735,928,35,167,15,14,300,128,222,0.154,0.722,0.124,-0.7839,0,1,1,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,8,13,3,4,11,0,24,3,0,0,1,33,36,16,0,3,9,1,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,17,12,0,1,5,1,1,3,5,8,0,1,14,4,24,5,21,20,5,28,0,0,2,0,9,5,0,6,21,127,41,0,0.0,0.16147898219258405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081108000292065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340252549703278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504726381690698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153994686735561,0.0,0.1159710414193224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391652757176961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881487017355036,0.15080006871433374,0.0,0.17578895747316622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848018766712638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308578432267898,0.0,0.12456475381002495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105915260196487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745560548437841,0.0,0.0,0.15025799013213795,0.0,0.0,0.2410380389473053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658342774981159,0.0,0.0,0.12061058243172815,0.11444758660652372,0.0,0.0,0.11586717540744268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373462386593476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001873541592936,0.0,0.10511369978885313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990459139656532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448493201919483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865388226369654,0.14694150422205587,0.0,0.15931336707348456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456794823573656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644805363867532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049211531435124,0.0,0.0,0.09646534080416223,0.0,0.10883976487760542,0.0,0.0,0.14247779846044534,0.3120342839060783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416554053665773,0.102471607242827,0.10954312387801053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732784093477491,0.0,0.0,0.07947062297764429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245186499664313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779851151654633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776499719339652
ptsd,Aweoaken,2020/02/23,"Advice Hello, I've posted here before but I'm finally ready to take action with my mental health because it's destroying my life.  

My question is, if I have PTSD from my childhood- and I know that I have it, but I've avoided getting treatment because I was in denial and I'm scared if taking medication- will my doctor's actually believe I have PTSD.  I'm scared of going and looking like a fool because I've ignored all my symptoms for 15 years of my life hoping I would just magically get better myself.",3.942599999999999,5.704408660000002,5.569000000000003,77.39950000000002,72.4,7.0,29.5,7.645422480735847,2.0984000000000003,406,17,70,5,8,138,65,100,0.20199999999999999,0.672,0.126,-0.8573,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,1,3,1,0,7,6,0,0,1,16,18,7,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,14,3,7,15,1,7,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,4,42,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.16498221509736086,0.0,0.0,0.16520752318900125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30917979586385336,0.0,0.14386113294206024,0.1904773938834691,0.0,0.1495234950200604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730443135138387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520150410895755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665807298207886,0.0,0.09608304815860157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970727747821175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791884033524654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291323120345407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388300070663376,0.08259620017224187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197129964684302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703143369259423,0.17037689113630955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619167146861254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39525387026811976,0.0,0.1893905315321247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385253998577661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572237736245105,0.2542303894477358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009831600873662,0.0,0.0,0.10887176466102766
ptsd,Bitter-root,2020/02/23,"Has anyone seen a sex therapist? Is it just for your sex life or can it be for recovery from sexual trauma? After going through some bad experiences my sexuality is kind of a minefield. I've had psychologists that were not sex positive and I'm kinda scared to talk about the darker side of myself. I think I'd like to find someone more specialized.

It could also help me find ways to feel safe exploring with my boyfriend (I'm 26 he's 36). I asked if he would go with me and he's open to it and supportive. I was just wondering what it's actually like, I have no idea how they operate or the range of things that are ok to talk about.

Let me know what your experience was like :)",2.1374749163879585,4.2070629927536265,4.112318840579711,84.48647157190638,78.4927536231884,8.304124860646603,22.93422519509476,9.057496981413335,1.7593850613154969,535,17,114,14,13,182,93,138,0.095,0.764,0.141,0.7031,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,0,6,11,0,1,4,1,14,4,0,1,0,26,25,8,0,3,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,6,0,1,8,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,5,3,13,8,17,16,2,7,0,0,1,3,10,2,0,6,4,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.1784294810991404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622037306616775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784885686057046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093456580514002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526671989975324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598614802630153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35771325989154834,0.0,0.0,0.0924514786228382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342324180429941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078290489098572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255655639806795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640875048161905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040400943135288,0.100486344064985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697049611617728,0.12914820608573682,0.2679851969885983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305885697999227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492322566979905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748933541265926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939263479745593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122961107472333,0.12147350571432088,0.11715912625901548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451331481517379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828664359851594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988721356222266,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Extremedoomer,2020/02/23,GUYS!!!! I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE. There's something better then a pot of gold at the end of the PTSD rainbow I swear I'm glad I left myself on Earth this long and I am now choosing to keep myself on Earth till the day I die of natural causes.,-1.0495604395604374,1.0219195384615425,1.1494505494505525,100.05269230769234,94.0,3.740659340659341,15.120879120879119,5.288315135182226,-1.0300582417582418,184,4,44,1,7,61,38,52,0.12300000000000001,0.648,0.22899999999999998,0.7946,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,8,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,6,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28239885616183125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280136476762282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059249680779384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313876287128639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28280898628218804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161616267803389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838124845417904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34692524147929954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825744084739389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732498389041761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581618120212545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,h4ild4sn4il,2020/02/23,"Help with Panic Attacks I'm here to ask what some of you do to manage panic attacks? 
Last winter I started experiencing full body panic attacks for the first time. I have a history of childhood trauma and was hit by a car a year prior to getting the attacks. 
I truly thought I was dying when it started happening. I couldn't breathe, was severely dizzy, had heart palpitations and really thought I was going to drop dead. I went to the er several times and the first time was admitted overnight because they thought I may have a heart condition. I was even put on a drug for pericarditis because I was having chest pains (turns out I developed fibromyalgia since my car accident as well)
I was diagnosed with PTSD and fibromyalgia. Fast forward a year later and I've moved far away to be in a new environment and get away from the weight of old memories. It's been 6+ months since I've had to take clonazepam for these attacks until today.
I really dont like taking benzos and try to avoid it at all costs. 
My panic attacks dont even feel mental. My mental state will be calm, but I'll suddenly get dizzy (often with headache) and severely short of breath. Does anyone else have this experience?
I tried to imagine what could have triggered two attacks recently and I'm totally at a loss. I've been in a great mental space. I did do a small dose of LSD recently because I find it helps with depression but I'm starting to think this could be a bad idea. 

If any of you have any suggestions how to handle the  physical side of panic attacks I would love to know. Thank you!",4.215980392156862,5.936054601307192,5.154395424836603,80.81727941176473,71.61437908496733,8.629411764705884,29.41666666666667,9.188382445141503,2.614545098039216,1252,51,235,27,24,409,168,306,0.196,0.713,0.092,-0.9792,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,1,3,7,25,8,6,17,0,32,12,6,2,2,39,58,16,2,5,3,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,9,14,1,1,10,0,1,7,3,19,2,3,17,3,24,6,38,31,4,48,0,2,0,1,10,15,0,4,27,146,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980565761127006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616988045736763,0.06765578598003717,0.0,0.0,0.0617293628042545,0.6009514613092595,0.12407517180636303,0.0,0.055132493950761925,0.1207542678830761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334471336400537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543955054923353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056871750644272925,0.06701930566276709,0.06852896632273839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778350970831755,0.0,0.15477390361686266,0.0,0.07657411745811113,0.0,0.055159794341202814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722470413582507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645902468460068,0.0,0.0,0.033386874321281075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060350444911882316,0.11233058015761528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349422837761793,0.0,0.03752650817285417,0.0,0.0,0.0727985748670901,0.0,0.0,0.058390324896169674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649230928940008,0.08851735865478094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454010594309865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03628849414068645,0.0538234601356264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032259040904843064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059594871360813664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962886024822155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270470916646367,0.07017969742845596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377241914453663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928763145377265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026083292264358,0.38736130964274457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718581933664954,0.06637863084405532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460132759989512,0.0,0.1303937959736449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378613595778904,0.0,0.10924179697244693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020963534322856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929304877641183,0.0,0.0,0.060791775353110276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230951286304877,0.0,0.15726190939767082,0.11550829526239473,0.0,0.06258894866364396,0.0,0.0,0.08966039990256358,0.07182194219015872,0.0645019518245848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040704605537602,0.05936911743445866,0.06121069582473046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046905989387519366,0.0,0.0,0.08504262187022134
ptsd,fhbdh,2020/02/23,"Can’t accept PTSD diagnosis I’m a 25 year old female who recently was diagnosed with PTSD and can’t accept it at all. I was in a relationship with my ex for 7 years, he was physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially abusive. He tried to kill me on 4 different occasions and caused me to black out from being strangled and attempted to drown me in our pool. He controlled my every move and isolated me from every friend and family member I had. He would tell me how worthless I was constantly, threaten to cheat on me daily, and would actively cheat on me as often as possible. He stole thousands of dollars from me and continues to stalk, harass and threaten me even after leaving over 8 months ago. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare. I thought things would get better but they haven’t. I have nightmares almost every single night about him trying to kill me and no one being able to help me. I can still remember every punch and kick he inflicted on me. I can still remember when he forced me to have sex with him as I cried for him to stop. I find it impossibly hard to be happy and don’t know how I can continue to live in such fear of him coming back to finish me off. Just wanted to get this off of my chest since I have told absolutely no one. I feel so fucking alone.",5.323338235294116,5.792968498039218,6.497781862745099,76.86314338235296,67.94117647058823,9.982843137254905,29.66299019607843,9.978442167317967,2.789004901960784,1017,35,197,23,16,343,144,255,0.19899999999999998,0.73,0.071,-0.9865,1,1,0,0,0,2,21.0,1,0,1,3,12,14,6,1,3,0,21,4,1,4,1,40,33,20,3,4,2,1,3,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,17,0,2,9,1,1,2,6,8,0,3,7,4,36,6,42,20,2,32,0,1,1,2,20,13,1,2,18,138,41,0,0.11039709648753586,0.13080250707092064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786036505655728,0.0,0.11054674530471906,0.114338097938796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488855279282823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763726051833847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340822837250228,0.0,0.09509732339704308,0.0,0.11930004201598662,0.1238197309664221,0.0,0.0,0.12126602664326952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205072909422396,0.0,0.11534146900524535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418187450552097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291624105020338,0.0,0.3720572607139115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407255747846984,0.1242274257682582,0.11164017809140367,0.0788677077890785,0.0,0.0,0.10090094617757353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529252289443189,0.10206033678761382,0.11535585288522583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751976203664972,0.098894114253211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399684670467539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442760611456607,0.0,0.060671357096054826,0.0,0.0,0.11689458509793788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393444497107338,0.0,0.19496531753412347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125430758523028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811790916661448,0.1173346424094518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360019654914047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158431819731652,0.0,0.14961585935853575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445613882114458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580965961039932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900381437648536,0.11852516666759742,0.2501167793851638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132161902660686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632652772137844,0.0922969159183338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964919282791024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334292546395188,0.0,0.0,0.0876429631357621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548915665747564,0.0,0.14990476371860306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511506779849037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352687896919256,0.0,0.0,0.14218422125397562
ptsd,odunzi,2020/02/23,"Anyone using prazosin with weird side effects? Sorry if this has been done before but this is my first post. 

For reference, I have depression, anxiety, and ptsd among others. I take Prozac, metformin, lamotrigine, abilify, descovy, and most recently prazosin.

I've begun taking prazosin for extreme nightmares and also ptsd and have been on it for a few weeks. I've noticed a lot of people mention excessive sleep, but I've been waking up every hour and a half to two hours every single night. I'm not currently taking a sleep aid but it's definitely helped with nightmares. 

I'm nothing short but exhausted and have had migraines and headaches every day. Just wondering if there's anyone else out there with the same case for the most part.",6.218955223880595,8.143363134328357,6.1031641791044775,75.17280597014927,66.91044776119404,8.64358208955224,32.056716417910444,9.120678840339163,3.079808358208956,596,25,94,11,10,187,88,134,0.073,0.879,0.048,-0.3367,1,0,0,1,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,0,10,6,3,2,0,27,17,14,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,5,0,3,0,13,12,7,16,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,6,9,65,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791429932522195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279749529920895,0.0,0.0,0.20619846687742907,0.1510781401887402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546758691689502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509191273469084,0.0,0.12699694774294332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089073614521442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317407922392945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726944891851884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254193923749712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988314430633464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904136182825726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535521560666324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383701790356283,0.0,0.1414805570642826,0.1678707914999693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967206851639207,0.0,0.10222203987624164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121464955625976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447181897425857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455873426232974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951094383695374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505622601211067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33258816505146577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440354993891778,0.0,0.0,0.12734793238849934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827407924102623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990131987208586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TidyWhip,2020/02/23,I think I might have ptsd. I saw a video of a Skull made out of matches and the guy burned it and I got flashbacks and increased heart rate from it resembling the video of the guy being burned alive by isis.,3.590852713178297,4.423704674418609,3.4465116279069754,95.882015503876,72.02325581395348,6.663565891472868,23.635658914728683,6.42735559955562,0.28827751937984525,163,4,38,1,3,49,29,43,0.0,0.882,0.11800000000000001,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,2,2,1,0,7,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,6,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25596393286225555,0.0,0.0,0.633776635806111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792470276163028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028280584639649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395101516560648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741077461310879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050676747766777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cafe_et_chocolat,2020/02/23,"It's funny, the face my brain gave to my trauma wasn't actually my rapist's It was his father's.

I honestly would have preferred the alternative. There really is nothing like nightmares about being assaulted by 50 year old men that look like your worst nightmare. I just fucking hate this.",4.467222222222219,7.0478735000000015,5.010888888888889,78.37300000000002,73.25925925925927,8.023703703703704,27.46666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.461871111111112,235,9,40,5,5,75,45,54,0.293,0.616,0.091,-0.9208,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,9,4,0,2,0,6,4,2,0,0,3,10,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,1,7,3,3,5,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,0,4,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.32457704721878433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37130009165234384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074903750089729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283811539814113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249905542555267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793066222440522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31914597137052786,0.0,0.34901573508705325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307695126884205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23627490249818905,0.0,0.0,0.21418839526624844
ptsd,hattiepiper,2020/02/24,"Trigger Warning...Harvey Weinstein. I’m so sorry if this post is painful for anyone. I feel like the only person in the world who is triggered because of the verdict today. And I know that can’t possibly be true. Moderators, if this post is at all hurtful it is completely unintentional and I would want you to take it down. I have never started a conversation here before and in no way want to hurt or offend. Here goes... I am diagnosed with PTSD from a violent rape 15 years ago. After many miserable years of escalating symptoms I have been in therapy for 3.5 years. My flashbacks and visceral feelings have been under control for a couple of years until today. I don’t know what it is about the verdict but I feel incredibly out of body at the moment. I feel weak and have had multiple crying jags since getting home from work. I’m a teacher so it was brave face and bury it all day until I could get home. Without getting to much into it, I feel so let down and ANGRY. It feels like how my life used to be on the daily and I just have to get through this evening. If you feel this way too, I understand and you are strong. Sorry for the word vomit. I just wanted to send up a flair.",2.3009432571849686,4.536118423728817,3.961739130434783,84.93462417096539,78.7457627118644,6.6467207074428885,24.667649226234346,7.7425588080867325,1.417269933677229,932,34,182,15,23,311,137,236,0.136,0.777,0.087,-0.9016,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,0,3,11,13,3,1,12,0,23,9,2,5,4,45,45,20,0,8,8,0,7,2,0,1,6,0,2,1,14,12,0,1,10,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,4,7,19,5,35,36,3,32,0,3,0,1,7,13,0,4,16,132,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793149825625352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724832656383415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734596254096814,0.0,0.0940080813800995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271542212254907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115833391634382,0.0,0.12390973363138333,0.0882071683193121,0.12224107810296593,0.12135417305969255,0.0712487463146419,0.0,0.0,0.1121321770520786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296924274841618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910246466910905,0.15785007103452084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308794065738294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216355644888697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365365600686411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143091635153673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297056771916222,0.07803341417220896,0.10794729818520647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120066851348642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121355838315758,0.0,0.08520693720585534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840229972292807,0.11755568159348034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646455411339222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454660408122276,0.21161351060876246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914210128224698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138799931201708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473406799082893,0.07819643160646632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482825981946755,0.08306521244387352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263404692819398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943920572290264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501080967818525,0.0,0.09541695258310086,0.0,0.0,0.19548719683024726,0.17538354427196165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064962157240042,0.0,0.0804288210788963,0.0,0.0,0.07847993432325692,0.0,0.0,0.2845751455709996
ptsd,thebigshoeinacat,2020/02/24,"Any advice for post trauma? It's been 6 months since I was attacked while Walking home I broke my nose and got some stuff taken (nothing important) and I'm still not able to walk outisde at night alone without feeling very anxious and paranoid of anyone I see, does anyone have advice for a way to get over it?",5.266639344262295,6.067623491803283,5.446024590163933,83.17920081967216,68.18032786885246,7.411475409836067,30.004098360655732,7.1686216300943375,1.756931147540984,247,9,46,2,4,78,51,61,0.23,0.74,0.031,-0.8919,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,9,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,3,4,0,8,5,1,10,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,26,7,0,0.20995986863703064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103407072958084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745510332464166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277991050386118,0.0,0.0,0.2371948888592681,0.0,0.2936176439222309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388596613654016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373729593885205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061620181710678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096953655888457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792408714805304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106068673242389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758796401208806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703311364428805,0.0,0.20146215660620212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010835158859813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731083170788316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736809730019676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676742223097515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403538171309351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732388804018164,0.0,0.1666563708966245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239382093071284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bmorcrazy,2020/02/24,"(Trigger warning) the memory barrier I built of my childhood started collapsing last week after watching a movie. This is a bit of a rant and probably horribly structured 

I watched the movie honey boy and the similarities broke down the memory wall I built. My mental health had hit critical about two years ago, I was diagnosed with complex ptsd with suicidal ideation, which I had known for awhile it was most likely that. I started going to therapy, I quit drinking and doing drugs, started medication again, things have been getting better slowly. Now the wall is down, memories and emotions started flooding in, flashbacks started again, suicidal ideation started more frequently ( I will never go through with it) and for the life of me I can't seem to understand how bad my situation was growing up, I know it was wrong and not normal but something is blocking me from viewing it rationally. It was just my life, I have no other perspective or anything I can compare it to.  I'm more writing this out to just to get it out so... Here we go

My first memory of my father was when I was 2 to 4, my mom was leaving for work, he was hungover I'm assuming and I was crying staring out the window because she was leaving me, I didn't stop after she left, I remember my dad had his hand on his face not looking well, barley attempting to calm me down when he grabbed my pj shirt and slapped me across the face, the memory ends there. Typically he would use a belt or a metal shoe horn, he didn't get more physical until I was older but that is maybe my first memory of my childhood that comes to mind. Everything is fuzzy but that one is clear as day. I would run away from him when I would get in trouble and he would chase me around the house snapping his leather belt over and over until he caught me and would then beat me bare ass with it, I can't remember the pain or even being hit with the belt, I just remember the before it happened. I do remember I would become hysterical often but I can't clear up andly specific memories, I just feel the emotion and I know it happened often. 

The next portion of memories start when I thought my parents, mainly my dad, my mom was never abusive, would turn into wear wolves when I would turn my back, everytime I turned around I thought they were sneaking up on me claws over their heads about to eat me, I would often follow them around and try to catch them, I had a fear of being alone because I always thought they were going to get me if I wasn't paying attention. this continued until around 10 or 11, I don't know why that thought process stopped but it just did.

I know my dad was also verbally abusive but I can't really remember specifics I just know it happened often. Things like don't be a pussy or don't be such a girl with the occasional smack upside the head and such. I was a very sensitive child and wished i had been a girl, maybe because my sister didn't get it as bad as I did, I'm not 100% sure why those thoughts started so early but they were vivid.

Around 9 the abuse started changing and progressing into more abrubt violence, less spankings more being thrown against walls and choked although I can remember only two times this happened I wouldn't be suprised if it was more often, smacks across the head, the verbal abuse escalated into more of a bully harassing way, he would do things to just tease or torment me, specific memories are hard to clear up enough to get a good picture, I remember one time he showed me a pressure point on my foot and refused to let go, I was crying it hurt so bad and ended up hitting him in the face and then he lost his temper idk stuff like that. The inappropriate behavior of exposing me to adult things like porn and inappropriate movies, letting me drink a beer or some wine, no sexual abuse I can remember so that's a relief. I started being more aware of his behavior and knowing he was wrong most of the time , I didn't like the way he would treat people in public, he was very racist, he would often put my mom down, they divorced when I was 7. I also started talking back more and challenging him and he seemed to for the most part loose interest in me, I would often leave the house and spend most of the day with friends in the neighborhood. I had very little parental oversight at this point after the divorce and would mainly fend for myself most of the time. By 8 or 9 during summers I was mostly left to do what I wanted, my sister was there but she was a teen and barley kept tabs on me.

My suicidal ideation started around 11 In middle school where I was bullied a lot, the change in the social behavior didn't really click for me until around 8th grade when I taught myself how to be accepted. I started drinking often on weekends in 8th grade, smoking cigarettes by 9th I discovered weed and that was my miracle cure, I couldn't stand ever not being high or drunk and almost all of high-school was just one big party that lasted 10 years too long. I was lucky I never enjoyed the harder stuff besides my love of cocain but it never became too much of an issue. At 15 the end of my relationship with my father happened, he picked me up from school when I was sick and we got in a fight where he punched me several times in the face and I jumped from his moving car, he never got in trouble for it, my mom and sister begged me not to press charges and that was pretty much the end of my relationship with them as well, since the defended him, my sister took his side and my mom who is a push over just wanted the drama to go away and kept trying to get me to forgive him, I lost all respect for either of them and realized I was on my own. That pretty much set up my teen years of balls to the wall not thinking I would live past 18 and to be honest I'm pretty suprised I did, multiple arrests and forced rehab probably ended up saving me. 

I don't know how to feel about all of this, there isn't an emotion to describe any of it, it just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know it's pretty screwed up but it's hard to see it, it was just my life, that's just what it was.",6.084694454425678,5.91476632727273,6.4233453108156695,80.24431967900351,66.30578512396694,9.493831596598396,31.75110791711582,9.085049710711278,2.5219422685351542,4816,172,954,75,69,1556,447,1210,0.152,0.755,0.09300000000000001,-0.9974,3,1,8,0,7,0,96.0,2,0,9,11,67,43,5,2,60,0,108,35,14,7,13,208,189,88,3,23,40,16,9,5,2,17,11,0,1,5,54,64,7,7,35,10,2,18,30,19,2,7,66,18,154,24,144,90,32,166,0,4,8,4,80,69,2,32,80,689,208,8,0.0,0.2074321096572666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031038215444151505,0.0,0.03506193437388678,0.03626443162405768,0.0,0.056002118813620494,0.02913484440502225,0.0,0.0,0.023811040635943567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02881392579355475,0.2181921156939063,0.0,0.0,0.06579449527737181,0.053847932997251435,0.08770686093107087,0.06403348866890786,0.03867073171772319,0.029794735456123125,0.0,0.0,0.03096745373465042,0.038226733115382425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408133406740043,0.030161865940860736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692350337820067,0.04516287359257955,0.0,0.0,0.035538950506579375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029025528194785,0.04060566941893392,0.0358285446915192,0.0,0.11815969947383753,0.15506214007853952,0.0361793079823067,0.0,0.02312672753454284,0.03167259318163988,0.0,0.0,0.03146874833744318,0.0,0.0,0.03940101391241615,0.053113105052619736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059566581436767616,0.0,0.0,0.02705209304954676,0.0,0.14634892532952276,0.0,0.11939718295655767,0.0293684766033581,0.056008541379886784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481590312124888,0.0,0.06273217604646614,0.0,0.1078048452175604,0.037218744788836584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398942101777295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080399564361278,0.03748371485453179,0.0,0.0,0.0365460101548025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394429822517555,0.057082933549863865,0.0,0.11122580570063137,0.07608664929390531,0.07160933677416825,0.07419526804079303,0.08553150818032529,0.035093698070373006,0.030918418944504294,0.030986704549533645,0.029403336598518907,0.0,0.07644486151062847,0.029768050688020974,0.03160192668057665,0.0,0.02337243094918376,0.0,0.0703534837597472,0.0,0.0,0.03527339531753309,0.035286350770555336,0.0,0.03535463369937766,0.2050426233043959,0.0,0.03721484084043904,0.07721899389775724,0.0,0.1350265911081754,0.0,0.0372382866050495,0.0,0.03430674681195518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711801341730373,0.02663008262614044,0.03725786531351804,0.0,0.07775885160946251,0.03791725941401089,0.0334252740601889,0.02427462511027036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619998459516961,0.0,0.0,0.14248921770303155,0.0755030426947861,0.0,0.04093004226301482,0.035199213912058686,0.0,0.03724219939090826,0.0,0.0,0.04486233279545801,0.0,0.0,0.07518487502998232,0.3173165552884413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063095404317891,0.027901999648068044,0.06375171777953513,0.0,0.039556385189871764,0.0,0.02896433182543725,0.0393577318884715,0.0,0.03569284319638851,0.0,0.026955850041555988,0.0,0.0,0.3221844916799779,0.0,0.0,0.05854733036093504,0.0,0.0,0.08016638316290409,0.114900442938605,0.0,0.033000724065056296,0.0,0.0,0.02814330506166216,0.0,0.0,0.04004209855573867,0.0,0.093048233390049,0.022435858872717717,0.0,0.13898789210521836,0.10208609663126217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890236507264524,0.04754505411576596,0.11425706773028373,0.0684080997498368,0.03645129863996409,0.0,0.030241260309826413,0.0,0.08667181551836313,0.04130488378664909,0.055585713783608166,0.028086496193132717,0.0,0.06296442809298454,0.0,0.06319022694376322,0.0,0.04026491305580133,0.0,0.0,0.025490951542819777,0.0,0.0,0.3730991284123283,0.07656565365163065,0.0,0.06764451301846168
ptsd,10100011a10100011a,2020/02/24,"Mental Health and Hinduism | Ruchir Bakshi with Rajiv Malhotra https://youtu.be/M-EmX-O1dTI

Ruchir Bakshi joined the US army after 9/11 because he wanted to serve his country and fight against terrorism. He relays to Rajiv Malhotra his experience in the Army and shares snippets of his life with the army when serving in Afghanistan and Iraq.

He also tells Rajiv how he developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and how when he returned back from the Army even his parents felt that he was a different person. After being on meds for a few years, and thinking that the disorder had stabilized, he experienced bouts of PTSD and was advised to seek help from the Chinmaya Mission.",12.948534482758618,11.360058163793106,10.344206896551727,62.22148275862071,53.56896551724138,13.417931034482756,44.75172413793104,11.979248473330829,5.545850344827587,561,25,80,12,5,166,74,116,0.12300000000000001,0.838,0.039,-0.8885,2,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,1,0,0,0,7,4,1,2,8,0,4,2,0,2,0,14,7,12,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,5,1,16,2,1,10,0,0,0,0,19,3,0,0,7,50,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204125732743312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461928157510045,0.0,0.11589718787467053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863802093417968,0.4357947526777243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557441777955256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597673038350998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825478507442166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209180915730887,0.0,0.0,0.12743540819753346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428946475175688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118374132977555,0.0,0.1915992198619183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111090404701718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600802972450054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820852347378876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444487117271014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778520102340104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661758414799803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182311185694647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22869450399361685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213944396614936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243294871106955
ptsd,tinysilverdemon,2020/02/24,Possible trigger warning. Went to ob/gyn today So i went to see an ob/gyn and got stuck in my thoughts of the past. Thinking of how it could have been different if i just didnt go near my mother's little brother 20 years ago. I was 7-8 when he sexually and mentally assaulted me. At some point years later i became numb to the emotional pain.,2.331596244131457,3.9760444366197234,4.4813380281690165,84.01008215962445,76.46478873239437,8.11361502347418,27.32629107981221,8.841846274778883,2.1690262910798115,269,11,56,6,6,93,58,71,0.19,0.7879999999999999,0.023,-0.8979,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,2,0,10,13,6,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,8,1,7,0,8,4,1,15,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,2,7,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530938731653045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492272667142232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419844471249369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605314680341917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163000368711367,0.0,0.18524066462338856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213530631179474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23340965173640466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464506863806039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22109913343866544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894748269361364,0.2611068699200413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845641693852705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840712886235785,0.0,0.1838734512548487,0.0,0.0,0.2195403714467532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294118749331671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983000864023009
ptsd,kleiokat,2020/02/24,"First Therapy Appointment Hi all, I've been lurking for a bit and thought I would finally make a post. Two weeks ago, I finally had my first appointment with a therapist for an event that happened when I was 16 and the fallout that came after. I just turned 30 last week, too. My next appointment is Thursday. 

  
Anyway, the trauma has always been an issue for me but really hadn't seemed THAT bad in recent years. Things like nightmares, panic attacks, etc. had been significantly worse in previous years. I thought I was turning a bit of a corner and was finally ready to start therapy to help further it along. But now, since my first appointment, everything is so much worse. We didn't even talk specifically about the trauma in the appointment, but I cannot stop thinking about it. 

  
It has never been something I have talked about in detail with anyone in my life before, ever, but I am suddenly just overwhelmed with needing to talk about it. My husband has been great but he just doesn't really know how to help. I don't even know what I want or need. I have a few great, supportive friends, but I just have no idea how to actually talk about it. I'm just consumed by thinking about it, can't focus at work, can't sleep. I expected it to be worse once I opened the can of worms I've been pointedly ignoring for 15 years, but this is worse than I expected. I'm not sure what to do or who to talk to or how to talk about it. 

  
I guess I just needed to vent a little bit and also ask for any advice anyone has on managing in between appointments. I'm scheduled currently for every other week. I hope that after a few sessions things start to calm back down, but I'm terrified that I just made everything worse. Does it typically get worse before it gets better? It will get better, right?!",5.921959339609772,6.190992220630374,6.376815390912813,78.94431709646611,66.621776504298,10.086014463091828,30.659162232228127,9.957137785484203,2.8113838449993183,1411,49,275,30,21,458,172,349,0.14,0.715,0.14400000000000002,-0.1994,1,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,1,0,0,6,27,17,1,2,15,0,34,2,1,5,4,58,64,21,0,8,19,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,23,11,0,2,8,0,0,1,10,7,0,4,17,0,27,10,45,44,8,48,0,1,0,0,15,15,0,6,32,191,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.07147403248550986,0.0,0.0,0.07157164105411618,0.06492498242148077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585719334618689,0.06094355728190149,0.0,0.0,0.049807354340569814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242560021132892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847177178341275,0.08332382160285315,0.0,0.0563188967737252,0.06115435786398191,0.0,0.0,0.124647802591754,0.0,0.0,0.1295539296051278,0.2398852453369219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376981168495977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409493164766382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168465438691341,0.09675184975426768,0.06625195830800107,0.06170989423980387,0.0,0.1316511212644141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24070045937807266,0.0,0.1868998844174156,0.0,0.0,0.0565869087694935,0.0,0.11479841787520027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150004399894854,0.08068477843819354,0.0,0.06476802641439704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818569486777408,0.0,0.0,0.07274624505415883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268177235251632,0.0,0.076446053129092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050423254955552,0.05970234442054245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173328432249612,0.03578254474766672,0.07340814211511144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930374476738434,0.048889881290161634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538416030010621,0.1629249698165256,0.056489066324737026,0.0,0.07789414013151535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800078246427747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593419399350694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923775698182992,0.0,0.07014598827269766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938419340948471,0.0,0.07231804958194822,0.0,0.0,0.06254862291237187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667714456108399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058688322465367,0.0,0.07329531060722144,0.0,0.0,0.056385589991574885,0.0,0.0,0.10368271777457788,0.0,0.0,0.06123393919582749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311462549981438,0.0690301101129717,0.0,0.0,0.35321687673027946,0.0,0.0,0.16751817123818555,0.08504008991464952,0.0973180131452612,0.09386156530442508,0.0,0.11629259379253787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933343262526176,0.07154719770755931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320027449056854,0.0,0.17625194414620224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053321351022977116,0.0,0.4478416739129824,0.05202931076418056,0.0,0.0,0.14149714330502194
ptsd,kawaiikolii,2020/02/24,"I got called the name of my abuser. Help. My father abused me my entire life. I watched him break my mom’s ribs. I watch him throw my brother. He grabbed me by my throat. He would kick and hit me. He mentally abused me. He told me I wasn’t worth anything. I was fat. I wasn’t pretty. He put my life in danger a few times.

He abused me. I’m still recovering. I still have nightmares. I still have issues with everything in life. With life itself.

And today I got called by his name. I can’t stop crying. I feel nothing. I feel like I should die. I wish he would die and if I’m like him, then I should die.

I have so much to live for. I have two amazing kids. A wonderful husband. And yet I wish that I would die.


What do I do?",-1.9957264957264944,-0.2668181794871778,0.27871794871794897,103.35517094017095,105.79487179487178,3.3367521367521373,13.47008547008547,5.3279370663704135,-1.286840170940171,548,12,137,4,27,180,81,156,0.24600000000000002,0.633,0.121,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,5,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,3,0,15,7,3,0,0,20,26,7,4,8,1,4,3,2,0,5,5,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,3,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,6,5,37,3,9,14,2,13,0,0,2,0,22,2,0,2,10,81,40,0,0.0,0.5042128004002001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754882645035357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726949363725934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686297964850208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416586518461799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561529402636727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758663593910177,0.07600410094570073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701775073670104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131009590955176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104215105639503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30058191036658843,0.10395227945497512,0.0,0.09394316184770693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721477600142484,0.0,0.0,0.12460114717597565,0.0,0.0,0.07820792792881501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208281677243368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823554451680947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695001757327413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548864342840018,0.08894570808618472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203610032870696,0.0,0.10084403782288863,0.1016589518832432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039262906364637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24468348467458395,0.0,0.11537399538761997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267264174703723,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Princess_Psycoz,2020/02/24,"PTSD, my new diagnosis. Hey there reddit, I dunno how to start this. So I guess, Hello.

I'm a 22F, and this past Friday February 21st 2020, I was diagnosed with PTSD due to an event that happened when I was 16. I've had mental illness all my life, always brushed off as anxiety or depression but I always thought it was something else due to a symptom I now know is called disassociation which didn't sound like your common anxiety/depression symptom. Plus a few other things I'm not comfortable talking about yet. 

I'm having problems processing this. My therapist said it was normal to have the thoughts I am like ""but my event wasn't that bad"" and ""am I broken?"" She says they're normal but I feel... I don't even know how I feel. 

I guess I'm just here to say hi, and ask; how did you guys process your diagnosis? Was it life changing for you? Did you have these thoughts too?",1.9997126436781585,4.353716672413796,3.3708045977011523,88.11298850574714,80.55172413793103,6.625287356321839,24.03448275862069,7.793537801064563,1.2894275862068962,687,25,141,12,18,224,106,174,0.11599999999999999,0.861,0.023,-0.9212,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,5,0,0,13,6,0,0,5,0,17,6,0,3,1,28,34,14,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,12,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,14,7,22,3,11,20,2,12,0,1,0,0,16,1,0,4,13,89,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263483091790028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404997983123634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715429210979645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356561808011408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888502357892574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388428229421446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23429651192573064,0.1380508720989403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362185325998853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983565522980629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375450572377735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996684799919141,0.13467478087390192,0.12027631731396655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949896044841274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214076035156336,0.13289868302718258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706964971186886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313627169320773,0.0,0.0,0.2665287662555571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984030671645458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014658126618647,0.317985081096281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938001588733564,0.2163268399437655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047098620910636,0.0,0.0,0.09627107813383623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827402771698411,0.0,0.1093225250641464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792219410145591,0.0903613470829978,0.0,0.0,0.3239386550725513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,goodgayshit,2020/02/24,"Psych ward ptsd? I got institutionalised mid way through last year and the experience of being hospitalised has left me with severe PTSD. Like I've had C-PTSD and normal PTSD for years but this has broken me in a way that even being raped and homeless didn't manage to. I have constant intrusive thoughts and nightmares. I self harmed for the first time in the psych ward, have been getting suicidal ideation for the first time in four years or so, having meltdowns, can't stand to be around anyone. I have nightmares and flashbacks and have been getting urges to self harm - nearly walked over to the stove, turned on one of the hotplates and pressed my hand against it, but was luckily saved by my hip dislocating and stopping me from being able to walk over to it

just like...have other people experienced PTSD from the psych ward? It's really fucking me up, especially because when I was in there one of the nurses kept on telling me that I would feel grateful one day and like...no I don't I just feel suicidal and traumatised and like they've stolen a huge part of me and broken it and just if I ever get institutionalised again I will kill myself I know it 

one of the nurses also told me that she could understand why my parents abused me based on my personality and that she would have abused me too in that situation. I was also held at a hospital where i had previously let myself be sexually assaulted by a medical professional in order to access treatment which definitely did not help. Especially because the treatment then was a shot to the butt which made the experience of being held down in seclusion and having them pull down my pants to inject me in that exact same spot - absolutely appauling

also they gaslit me over my psychical disability and refused to give me access to my mobility aids and like dislocated my shoulder and my spinal cord and multiple ribs and like if my spine had not been stable when they put me in seclusion I could have been permanently paralysed or dead by the way they handled me",9.341371345029238,8.034632686842109,8.790701754385967,69.63880116959065,60.28947368421053,11.91812865497076,37.16374269005848,10.864195022040775,3.8786461988304084,1631,61,295,33,18,520,189,380,0.18899999999999997,0.733,0.078,-0.9953,1,0,0,0,2,1,23.0,0,0,4,2,16,11,4,0,18,0,37,10,7,1,2,53,54,33,4,7,11,1,4,4,0,3,1,0,1,3,15,22,0,5,5,0,0,4,5,6,0,7,20,5,46,5,49,22,2,50,0,0,0,3,15,25,2,4,20,218,61,5,0.08887724584120202,0.21061000601406787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322530416623428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214503679106441,0.0,0.0,0.07911959186902022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835748827205094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604472853430243,0.0,0.14192249759377012,0.0,0.0,0.0573184709364773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870258265684505,0.08039455718171913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387800127814668,0.0,0.0,0.08987801191950287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119787981912872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216558163133167,0.13930407803695205,0.08525915279327273,0.0,0.0,0.07108325259013183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059572544435420864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832950426379453,0.0,0.04884460997354425,0.07244681764856355,0.0,0.0,0.09656538765777764,0.0908830054902656,0.0,0.260525597729506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409779897684737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953447482451993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708083049831566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409020877727995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986876635937341,0.09624539622164102,0.0,0.061616291577404135,0.07760418291335522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5194637212515343,0.08934618013042807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693703951782046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854367016389018,0.10040598989831748,0.0,0.0,0.09990174813613617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430535718287352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443456317910626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768263028839409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055860551321642,0.10365007356376592,0.0,0.0,0.08492601715196436,0.0,0.0,0.09667292173161483,0.0,0.09252434734511322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163986256042253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019789040041513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627169086566287,0.0,0.0,0.17170209710030096
ptsd,MiseriaFortesViros,2020/02/24,"Paranoia and aggression / homicidal ideation I feel like I'm never safe. I feel like I have to track them down and ""disarm"" them first or I'll get attacked and maimed or worse any moment. I feel like they will never let up and I am doomed to a life of secrecy and mediocrity lest they come back and try to take everything from me.

What little interaction I had with the police in the past left them basically closing the case before it was even opened and for years I overlooked / repressed stuff that happened to me because I had somehow (still not sure how, though I did drink a lot) managed to forget who those people were.

I feel like I have a target painted on me and will have it forever unless I dispose of everyone involved in my situation. I feel pumped up and ready to fight. I don't know the names of more than one of them, and barely remember the faces of the rest. I don't really have any evidence of any wrongdoing.

I'm filled to the brim with rage. I feel like there is no way for me to win. I can't get the law on my side appearently, and if I try to help myself survive, I'll end up in prison.

Has anyone dealt with anything similar? I know I am being vague, I kinda have to. I'm sorry if this post is too disturbing / triggering to some, but I know there are people here who are familiar with what I am talking about. Any and all advice appreciated.",4.190781790242029,5.130444543795623,5.236400307337688,83.20566077602767,70.71532846715328,8.542143680368806,27.194775259316174,8.841846274778883,1.9091927007299263,1071,35,220,19,19,353,155,274,0.11599999999999999,0.8109999999999999,0.073,-0.5242,1,0,1,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,6,4,11,15,4,2,11,0,25,3,1,2,4,52,43,20,0,2,7,0,6,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,19,1,2,10,1,0,3,7,7,0,2,5,6,36,8,36,34,5,28,1,1,0,0,14,14,0,9,14,156,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281204561672087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314027704110797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072220584284004,0.0,0.09500184286055574,0.0,0.0,0.13133596806189174,0.0,0.08877049426765221,0.0,0.07037452968542854,0.0,0.09823565161355384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944611050312883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309267866920172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225048242928456,0.0,0.0,0.07625069040772572,0.0,0.0,0.1103131608241182,0.1037550074221708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502364027864506,0.412371584380736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981979173879547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063105967042954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208810979814367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738071200545528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903375489431492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543191704933673,0.1180508863719272,0.08154259906489288,0.2820042974356236,0.11570675975791968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814766977573784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780774349509122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822888568939558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020583090928136,0.1600708030379292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056491526952952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739573691056254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307772921093439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976562399049507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292318304161976,0.0,0.0,0.0921949574080149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215752324948538,0.0,0.0,0.10880605525173943,0.0,0.08680067874004688,0.09279075208983743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342465694641365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675988729425314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163529614113526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764886809553465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434314275907282
ptsd,-Papadil-,2020/02/24,"What do I do when therapy is the trauma? I've been unfortunate enough to have endured a traumatic childhood. Never went to therapy because my parents never believed in mental health. Now I'm finally an adult on my own and my fiance has convinced me to go to therapy and seek a psychiatrist to help with the nightmares and episodes. 

The first therapist I went to twisted my meanings, put words in my mouth, and kept trying to convince me that I was a danger to myself and those around me. This went for three sessions. Three weeks after the last session, in which I said no more to him, he calls me up and informs me that I have to check into a psych ward or he'll call the police. I tell him I'll do it. I call the hospital, get an answering machine, leave a message, and call him back. He doesn't answer. He calls the cops on me while I'm out shopping. I get home and am put in handcuffs, the cops start spouting the same lies he twisted to me. My fiance is freaking out. One forced ambulance ride later and I spend 5 long days in a psych ward, he didn't attempt to communicate at all with myself or the hospital. The hospital staff all said that I seemed like I didn't need to be there, they just needed to confirm with him due to the 'nature of my stay'. I finally get out after a week. I'm more traumatized now than I was going in.

It's been 6 months and I haven't found help yet.

I know not all therapists are that crazy, and I know I'm not that crazy. I think i just bumped into a bad egg. However, everytime I try to build up the courage to call a therapist now, I break down in tears and uncontrollable sobbing. I can't go back there. I need someone to talk to, I feel myself imploding, but what do I do when the very people who are supposed to help me are the ones my body thinks are trying to hurt me?",4.250487421383649,4.695192210242588,5.292119272237199,84.65368654537286,70.29380053908355,8.555300988319857,28.665880503144656,8.59863814320734,1.917072686433064,1414,49,301,22,24,467,181,371,0.099,0.8590000000000001,0.042,-0.9338,2,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,2,13,11,1,1,26,0,25,4,2,0,5,50,54,18,0,3,7,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,13,21,1,1,11,1,3,9,10,7,0,5,13,3,49,4,48,39,8,56,0,2,0,0,29,19,1,3,27,207,62,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630971443889972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182805730418135,0.07157331424019095,0.05225462361487677,0.0,0.0,0.09657802344471014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952165200824575,0.0,0.0,0.5251833224132159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055282845195636116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857253417992107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043343028331512434,0.0,0.0,0.18780596312413933,0.0,0.07291409599195944,0.0,0.09398846788945267,0.0,0.0,0.13435679032283224,0.0,0.14615137295574854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111723603323628,0.0,0.0,0.17237060051287867,0.0,0.08598498384362199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176592368121232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421985505514342,0.06987391916683537,0.0,0.09076598408060838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0418788686365529,0.0,0.0,0.0758602389293599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337511607764357,0.0,0.0,0.08638643699979442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684215503560953,0.0,0.0,0.19068273250760173,0.13222638047113444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617330860420635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518283966817064,0.0,0.0,0.0594280317173471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234622502215122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308028239625585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803702609262206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263098286192944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067364616158935,0.09136700149672083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889915779287628,0.07492378555217367,0.0,0.2940877264456019,0.2985854789946276,0.0,0.1098528959056655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745964543938072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072866389254233,0.0,0.0,0.13752016181608906,0.0,0.0,0.23839221046503914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,missrosepetal,2020/02/24,"Is migration possibly traumatic? Hello,

I (23,female) moved from Bulgaria to Austria with my mom as I was 10 years old. Always been a shy/introvert child. Had to go to school one month after arriving, even though I didn't speak any german. I faced some mental health issues through puberty until now that were never treated and look for the cause, because I want to identify the problem and work on myself.

I never really considered moving the problem, because I use to handle it quite well. My grades didn't go down too much, I learned the language quite fast...but had no real friends until high school, had to switch schools once in middleschool too)

My question is, is moving from one country to another as a child considered traumatic? Do you guys have experiences with migration yourself?",6.7323239436619735,8.409284626760567,6.567718309859156,73.2670704225352,65.40845070422534,9.905352112676056,35.32676056338028,10.125756701596842,3.980578028169015,635,30,100,15,10,200,99,142,0.111,0.8420000000000001,0.048,-0.8753,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,3,6,5,0,0,6,0,13,2,1,2,2,15,18,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,5,5,2,1,2,8,2,13,3,21,10,2,18,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,2,9,70,15,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857465722648416,0.0,0.0,0.08873483377202487,0.13682576204021685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908589240184112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340448835645039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618465504488641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276401725598012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008130226913855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831619981789942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920147911396193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870032740423147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786543551964073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361932972900756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957522711014764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149901837217676,0.0,0.0,0.15282341812167918,0.1041525385211848,0.4160573365504899,0.09592209334489908,0.0,0.2012774208398191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692292051622978,0.13896314224459472,0.17684114049682872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710315888518946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497146190564217,0.0,0.0,0.14617398415571675,0.2775754678498448,0.0,0.14852143285737124,0.0835925591009449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961758556807967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820165798158842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269785506972832,0.0,0.0,0.07696391881437548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732242504234827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949952327756892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402859147088135
ptsd,razzelberri13,2020/02/24,"I have ptsd from horrible relationships and childhood abuse. I’m 27f and this STILL effects me. I don’t trust anyone. I get paranoid that everyone plots behind my back. It destroys potential positive relationships and growth from this is so hard. I don’t complain to people about it, I keep it to myself and I isolate myself.
I cut out almost everyone because I only feel safe and sane when I’m alone. Sometimes I feel like I won’t get better and that my hard work in therapy and self improvement isn’t doing a damn thing. 

I need a friend. I feel so alone. I wish I could reach out.
I feel like there is a glass wall between me and the world sometimes. 
Anyone else feel this way? Any advice to offer?",2.406832298136649,4.802207115942032,3.645590062111804,86.48217391304352,79.28985507246377,6.551552795031056,23.625258799171853,7.7094869923839395,1.2853606625258802,554,19,107,9,14,180,81,138,0.2,0.597,0.203,0.3699,0,2,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,7,10,3,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,22,21,11,0,3,0,0,7,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,10,0,2,6,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,7,21,6,11,19,0,11,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,6,68,30,1,0.0,0.16691905008432711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376657174334353,0.0,0.0,0.14107036729940467,0.2918171390406861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580282172894973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701230164586092,0.14434759180170126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083275612410814,0.0,0.0858787735407321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459637925533475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124807359929753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768665993739386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26923260444718433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561642833833155,0.20128854043055175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884307357438547,0.0,0.1472073419420718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252400538487029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522008212775207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376531157237798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446028868079103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714513059156916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766803633377452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468047752448006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30250350202408643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696793696624627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786666541716643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250646937509462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110786959044854,0.0,0.0935940122478746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182350888622578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200435530707466,0.0,0.0,0.10256187974714633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,HikeofthePhoenix,2020/02/24,"Hiding from a ptsd diagnosis Canadian soldier here...tour in Kandahar, Afghanistan, 13 years of service, etc ..

Anyways, since I returned from this deployment in 2010, I feel like I have many unresolved issues from it. My whole world outlook had changed; abusing alcohol, hyper violence, triggers, and an utter lack of motivation from things I previously enjoyed. 

After a lot of self reflection, I personally believe a lot stemmed from my inability to help or to save people while I was there. Further, I believe this is why I ended up trapped in an abusive relationship off and on for six years (which has since ended and I have a protection order against my ex). I felt like it was all I deserved. I couldn't help anyone, so why help myself?

And no matter what anyone says, there is still stigma surrounding mental illness in the Canadian Armed Forces. I feel like I would have had career limiting/ending consequences if I would have went to seek help. So I suffered alone for the last decade. 

When I finally had the courage to leave my ex, he began aggressively stalking me at home and at work. I was on high alert all the time and felt like I was only safe when I was locked in my house. I still feel this way and it's gotten to the point when I dread coming home after being deployed away...like suicidal kind of dread. 

I spoke to a mental health professional upon return from my last deployment and they're refering me to a trauma specialist. I'm terrified. I've spoken to mental health before, but I find I always know the right thing to say and they reassure me that my coping skills are excellent, blah blah. I think I've been hiding my injury for so long that I've become an expert.

I'm sorry if this is long or confusing, please ask questions if you need clarification. I don't even know why I'm posting this. Reassurance maybe...validation? I don't know. But I need help.",4.926074074074074,6.644270030985918,5.692143974960874,77.67103808033386,69.8169014084507,8.752217005738133,29.20448617631716,9.250403328903447,2.6361872717788217,1491,57,267,31,27,486,195,355,0.139,0.7340000000000001,0.127,0.1746,0,2,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,1,1,4,12,18,1,3,15,0,24,5,1,2,2,48,44,23,1,9,7,2,5,6,0,2,4,3,2,2,14,10,1,2,15,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,15,8,43,12,37,25,7,44,0,1,0,0,20,18,0,10,25,171,57,6,0.0,0.2074265677200045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354705160314043,0.0,0.09065865687963852,0.0,0.0,0.0728351650327348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241138895882145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183232191156757,0.0,0.0822409218177736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667424639176923,0.07448484858492402,0.1972413194879424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259919355728834,0.075402650275322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325869959546299,0.0,0.09762336739538473,0.05781527415176985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327792150913869,0.12506838207438095,0.16809242237731922,0.095889040417968,0.08000434171329401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608875210185505,0.0,0.0,0.2933604308847845,0.09248430531479054,0.17560715227491375,0.0,0.0,0.10100229601693707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136258439925618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115302174050446,0.14431892373277602,0.14270352118099094,0.0,0.09268569507911872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105844609182333,0.0,0.0,0.15492938340846812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883627689400505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874557229859284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646405602221102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298104628150638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657342788403409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068494142050523,0.076431170612841,0.0,0.09608586771394664,0.08274776992326274,0.0,0.08383321978717954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232237185071788,0.0,0.09805793111799027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397858290656147,0.0,0.07475341899259019,0.0,0.13922084194455994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131688298728473,0.0,0.0,0.14481778994535902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798696463855852,0.0,0.0,0.13980927148208647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574781096508406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630718429030625,0.05608814864183224,0.0,0.0,0.05104168460500838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948028588396317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811447443746359,0.2369570201194341,0.09772840361318112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637256762607827,0.0,0.0,0.12436305345680665,0.0,0.0,0.1127378429477005
ptsd,LastW0rds,2020/02/24,"Entering my room without permission I live in student housing and today, whilst I was sleeping after an all nighter in the library, a man walked in my room in a baggy hoody and baggy trousers. I absolutely had a melt down as the key opening woke me up. He said he was here to check the fire alarm and i ran to the student housing and it was confirmed. I received NO email or notification to let me know and now I am wide awake crying in my bed.",4.334333333333333,5.027466211111115,5.468888888888892,82.57000000000005,70.22222222222223,7.777777777777778,32.77777777777778,7.793537801064563,2.219111111111112,349,16,71,4,6,116,60,90,0.12300000000000001,0.877,0.0,-0.87,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,0,6,1,1,0,1,10,10,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,7,2,11,0,13,2,1,19,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,4,49,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120200802835641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6555205652554245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610869949349082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904645528100154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25082496604123755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702004878166173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842592309869296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692500642398244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738180067673047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dingus03,2020/02/24,"It's the little victories I'm sure this sounds silly to people but I'm proud of myself today. For context I was in a horrific car accident about a year and a half ago and was diagnosed with ptsd following it. Today I passed my driver's test and got my full license. It's been hard, I can't drive and can barely handle being in a moving vehicle. I had to walk away from my career bc it involves a lot of driving. But I muscled through and managed to pass my driver's test without going to pieces. Even if I never drive again, I'm proud of myself for my little victory. It's the small successes that fuel you to keep recovering even in the face of big failures 💛",2.8121632382216326,4.312932087591244,4.9431851360318495,81.80531519575318,74.83941605839415,7.609555408095554,25.593231585932315,8.296473431620573,1.74805693430657,524,18,102,9,11,182,85,137,0.114,0.772,0.114,-0.26899999999999996,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,3,4,5,0,0,8,0,7,2,1,0,2,14,14,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,1,5,2,14,5,20,8,3,25,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,2,6,72,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280718967922206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435536562369036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207654361975788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873231774832912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361446994749575,0.0,0.17396054036868286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484391085152467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19333057421487373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359991193807327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491701643457215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311759479121929,0.0,0.0,0.16775511859164122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507922469463305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542545152566327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20499815383432124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41234317235111534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096693753371251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006763668245087
ptsd,TransPanSandyManCan,2020/02/24,"A nightmare fueled week venting. Obvious NSFW or TW or whatever. Sexual abuse TRIGGER WARNING

Hello, I haven't used my Reddit for quite some time now and I've been having a crazy week filled with nightmares every night. So, instead of walking out of my room and speaking or texting my mom or someone who has a common past trauma thing... I post here while crying my face off alone in my bedroom trying to cry quietly so no one hears me. 

I close my eyes after sitting for twenty minutes saying to myself that I can't think of those things over and over. The moment my eyes shut I see a few scenes from my childhood. One of which surfaced after not showing it's face for quite a few years. I sat up horrified and had to refrain from screaming. I thought I had forgotten it after all this time. Nope. Of course not. I never forget that shit. 

Behind my eyelids I saw my brother digging up something fuzzy and lumpy from the ground in the forest right by my grandmother's house.
 I feel sick just typing this but here it goes. On the shovel there were bones and a larger lump came up and I saw the fur of an animal. I was an extremely gullible child who had followed my brother and it took me till seeing the fur to realize this is where we had buried our cat Smokey. A Siamese who I loved with all my heart and had to be put down because of a rare condition I was told was passed down from his mother. I don't know the truth but I'll just pray that's it. 

I immediately starting crying after the realizing it was my Smokey and ran crying to my mom after having my life threatened if I told. I don't even remember if I told her. That's sad. I hope I did. The movie behind my eyelids starts as fast as it started when I close my eyes for a second time. 

The instant it starts I see me and my brother hidden under my bunk. Me with my pants down cringing at something my eyes won't show me. I'm so thankful that is a blurred thing to see. In this scene I always remember my grandmother walking in the room and realizing we are under the bed together. I had prayed and prayed to a god I don't believe in that my grandmother would take him away from the same room and whoop his ass and cuff him but it was never spoken of... I don't even remember how old I was, my school counselor narrowed my trauma to starting age five. I guess she had talked to my mom over the phone about the apartment I described to her. Middle school was the last time anyone spoke of those things.

I am not the best at typing on this broken phone. I thought that typing here would somehow help me if I got my story, well a fraction of it, out there into the atmosphere.. this is only a snippet of the horrors I lived through while around my brother. My dad to this day tries to win him over and loves him so much and my mother has him under her wing at all times. No one talks about that shit. Everyone loves him so much while I sit here sleepless half the time over the torture I've lived. He probably sleeps soundly every night of his disgusting life. Having to wake up to my kids is the only reason I'm still here. Holy shit dude....",2.9100774145981845,4.612772078274761,3.8267252396166183,89.06867719341362,75.0223642172524,6.34893094126321,24.33878102727943,7.010146845296331,0.8684377979847624,2435,77,499,24,52,781,287,626,0.126,0.794,0.08,-0.9725,2,1,4,0,1,0,54.0,3,0,0,4,27,18,5,0,37,0,38,21,14,4,7,76,75,40,0,6,15,10,1,0,0,3,4,7,5,2,35,29,0,1,12,2,0,9,15,9,1,6,30,18,91,9,84,41,10,95,3,1,10,4,48,44,4,12,39,363,126,5,0.0,0.0857100296815211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492151326082294,0.0,0.0,0.0601919438327777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050581195535083605,0.0,0.0,0.06439715468248544,0.0,0.0,0.0679649856574976,0.0,0.0,0.04409725687673265,0.0,0.0,0.08150141774776871,0.0759154447658547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273668332978774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31784451156794186,0.04665274872967547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555861465697044,0.0,0.12189765920054065,0.06912313036392037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036576833243251235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057856203555231876,0.0,0.07968969762377368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153144707778806,0.08572220696145193,0.048487388119846486,0.0,0.0,0.07184906972349926,0.0,0.08346963346757988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0397556891986904,0.058966038779519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219052129894472,0.0,0.0,0.12775353872733144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586664366434012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541681134868756,0.0,0.0,0.1063551551057582,0.0,0.1115847797218882,0.0,0.0,0.13577072978308855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590773898499065,0.0,0.14705658209777456,0.11003432284804412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905587655993371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692808817620297,0.0,0.0779938077222917,0.0,0.0,0.07272079703941517,0.0,0.15388311966136592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437666469206994,0.0,0.0,0.2458383680672746,0.06177721427950116,0.0,0.05752697268491605,0.0,0.1464221053801271,0.23057965538325484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227652052164579,0.0,0.0,0.07239136368211388,0.0,0.06129270267215611,0.11138037939110644,0.0,0.0,0.2560100116838148,0.0,0.057770115661639074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543900164531705,0.11628689098118444,0.0,0.0666001437647184,0.0,0.0,0.1922355911736932,0.04635198796098465,0.0,0.1148583638029157,0.25308913996371524,0.0,0.0,0.20736939109176114,0.08037142539231237,0.09822702970636908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247777460887013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605215925060153,0.0,0.06504155756847953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277527242754936,0.0,0.0,0.04658402234337402
ptsd,warpikles,2020/02/24,"Can somepne point me into the right direction? When I was a kid (around 8 years old) I had been through a lot, saw my dad get arrested in front of me (later found out it was a false charge) and my mother ( who constantly got into fights with my dad)  at the time was recovering from a bad car accident. I was usually home alone with my older brother when I got home from school and it was not that great. He would try to act like he was the man of the house and would constantly hit me everytime we got into an argument, even over sibling shit. After I tried to end my life and failed things turned around, we patched our relationship, I reconnected with my father and their relationship got better. Life's been better since then.

Now I can't stop myself from vilantly flinching or cowering everytime someone just as much raises their hand towards me, I don't know what it is and how I can seek help about it.

Sorry if this isnt the right place to be posting , if you could refer me to a more appropriate place for this please let me know, thanks.",5.94760517799353,5.937983194174758,6.227330097087378,80.99141585760522,66.5728155339806,9.973462783171524,29.302588996763763,9.725611199111238,2.3895385113268603,822,25,169,16,12,264,132,206,0.13,0.772,0.099,-0.777,1,1,0,0,2,1,21.0,3,1,2,3,9,9,2,0,11,0,20,4,2,1,0,32,32,14,0,5,5,5,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,2,10,17,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,15,2,28,5,27,11,3,34,0,1,1,0,20,15,1,4,16,116,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484159731828424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460975101574728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064466406015746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213213124595016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605187260223026,0.0,0.09624023314779634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676138786167688,0.0,0.0,0.07961458312893371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132164311191713,0.0,0.0,0.06297642340488041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856227965637653,0.13289418973318998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079445701530595,0.0,0.2418200108525899,0.0,0.0,0.13908531630144394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248968222987156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325884600186968,0.17027990165302054,0.0588890525734314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024775745962282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860971214111649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648494365984644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25187428315206123,0.1323151436166554,0.11394790224458033,0.0,0.11544262210349235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588266097817953,0.0,0.2058785460373156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199145961404212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373110132529518,0.09971074378966943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213193210484532,0.0,0.0,0.13493305110496642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077563488037067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097571268041266,0.0,0.0,0.08008046427199499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028700463062422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367554197261516,0.1311113415317697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275619607334185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712542715202513,0.0,0.0,0.07762288167634343
ptsd,queenetc,2020/02/24,"Nightmares & consequent fear of sleeping. I recently started having nightmares again. It isn’t always about the specific trauma that changed my existence, but some of the feelings associated & different situations where they were present.

As a result, I now have a crippling fear of sleeping! I cannot function at work when I am running on very little sleep, but I don’t want to encounter them, the people/creatures/monsters/ghosts/memories awaiting me in my dreams.",8.998888888888885,10.247669876543213,8.063802469135805,66.10311111111109,60.111111111111114,10.430617283950617,44.59506172839506,10.355215969177356,5.247590617283951,384,23,54,8,5,119,65,81,0.114,0.82,0.066,-0.5562,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,5,3,0,2,5,0,7,3,3,1,0,6,10,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,10,0,9,9,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,6,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944101593273072,0.4152347169940887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202705787632802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001993854818901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312456658181004,0.09688750820388532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205096122676585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919905253124497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153859711714886,0.5752673116338223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562777259766734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810441187276902,0.11302089934606738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394997397129944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,succymyzuccy,2020/02/24,"Need advice So lately I’ve been paranoid about people being nice to me just out of pity. it makes me feel really bad about myself. My mom says I need to start learning to trust people but I don’t know how. I’m pretty open to my friends and they’re pretty open to me but I still feel paranoid and have trust issues. How can I stop having trust issues? It makes me feel like an asshole for not fully trusting my best friend. And there’s nothing that shows or even hints at my friend not liking me, I’m just really paranoid and I don’t know how to stop it. It keeps me up at night.",0.8282912988650715,2.97540554918033,2.1913114754098366,96.06699243379572,83.672131147541,4.4095838587641865,15.941992433795711,5.369823440869387,-0.8185152585119799,455,8,100,2,13,146,70,122,0.142,0.5770000000000001,0.281,0.9809,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,5,0,30,20,11,0,2,7,1,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,3,6,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,4,16,11,14,18,1,12,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,1,8,62,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557150071293508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305062075607044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722802758310742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524919334232047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417164925017853,0.11383969477860525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693403185686566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326400661682939,0.0,0.14163763023055376,0.0,0.0,0.17514922056794185,0.0,0.17975377701826475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570075321526505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127347676126201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866288316956864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363120593844061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495392104674666,0.0,0.152900653503112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209464964489363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242325400518197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041674219201209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672154137536915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278877289715535,0.0,0.12725714148340364,0.2664475241311556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Narwhalbaconguy,2020/02/24,"I believe I may have PTSD. Can someone help me determine if it is true? Recently (about 1 month ago), for a lack of better wording, I've been feeling completely out of place like never before, and I believe certain recent events have been the cause of it.

Up until Halloween of last year, I was stuck in an extremely abusive relationship for 9 months before it finally ended in a dramatic public explosion from her at a party. I was subject to constant abuse after month 3 (mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually), and it was a daily occurrence up until the final day. I don't want to get into specifics as that would be too hard to do, and quite frankly there are WAY too many instances to choose from. It has now been almost 4 months after the breakup. She continued to stalk and harass me for months afterward up until recently, when I finally cut her off for good. 

My grandpa had also passed away very recently. It was incredibly hard to attend the viewing and funeral, plus participating in all of the rituals we had to do in his honor (I come from a Chinese family and we had a traditional funeral for him).

I can't tell if my symptoms have only been coming out recently, or if I have only been starting to notice them now.

* More and more frequently, I have been experiencing intense anxiety almost constantly. My confidence has never been lower than it is now. I've always been the outgoing, confident, ""easy to talk to"" kind of guy, but now I can't even hold a small conversation. Now, I always feel anxious when talking to people and my mind blanks to the point where the conversation ends in minutes, if not less. I can't even interact with my close friends normally anymore. I almost rarely hang out with anybody anymore, nor do I even attempt to do so. 
* I've also noticed that I'm extremely hypersensitive and hyper aware of everything around me now. Things that wouldn't even affect me before, now terrify me to no other. Even the smallest stimuli is enough to scare me; things I wouldn't have even phased me before all of this. 
* Daily life to me at this point has just become a blur. I could barely tell you what I did yesterday without a lot of thought. I just feel constant disassociation.
* I've had a history of pretty bad depressive episodes, but now it just feels like that all of the time. I've been contemplating suicide more and more frequently. No, I will not do it though. I realize the impact it would have on everybody around me, and death has been added onto my fears now.
* I can't enjoy almost anything I used to anymore. Swimming, lifting, hanging with friends, listening to music, etc. I get almost no enjoyment from any of it anymore. I can't even listen to certain music now because of the association I have with the abusive relationship.
* Speaking of association, I tend to avoid a lot of things from the past that I would normally associate with her. Music, places, habits, etc. Same goes with my grandpa. It's hard to visit my cousins and grandma because of his recent passing away.
* Internally, I just feel anger all of the time, like I'm seconds away at snapping on someone at any time. I know that's not going to happen though; I have an incredible sense of self-control and I have never lashed out at anybody.
* I've been smoking way too much, as well as occasionally adding alcohol to the mix. Most of the time, I don't even enjoy smoking because I end up reliving what happened to me in the relationship and thinking of things that scare me, like death and loss. A while ago, I developed a terrible habit where I would smoke everyday, but I managed to break the habit up until now.
* I still think about all of the moments in the relationship and feel nothing but anger, shame, and regret. I get hit really hard when I think about my grandpa too, I can't think about him without tearing up. He was a very good man and I miss him a lot.

I believe I have strong reason to think that I may have PTSD, but I would like some confirmation. If you do believe so, please give me ways to help myself. Thank you.",4.905671218463368,6.478060775749675,5.904048582995955,76.70035522312955,69.66492829204694,8.928740364601204,31.18756147212882,9.368774924056119,2.934449456757931,3193,136,576,68,57,1056,321,767,0.142,0.754,0.10400000000000001,-0.9886,2,1,2,0,1,1,109.0,2,3,1,6,47,36,4,5,38,0,68,3,0,4,11,118,102,48,5,18,20,4,10,5,2,10,3,3,0,2,29,37,1,2,16,1,0,10,22,15,1,1,23,15,84,21,113,66,21,118,1,4,1,0,43,40,0,19,69,435,113,1,0.0,0.17219494905246088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588551270928631,0.05177199160766645,0.242548755396312,0.0,0.0,0.07748143084721812,0.08061871514272627,0.0,0.0,0.06588727489308685,0.0,0.03705959065939868,0.05472802437806245,0.19217405085453448,0.0,0.0,0.03986535234926149,0.0862510086694071,0.0,0.0,0.13654443110252734,0.0,0.04044878553419153,0.08859318949552719,0.05350268327114367,0.16488938517042628,0.21831956779430986,0.0,0.042844854371334506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976541745779815,0.0,0.08346057540778183,0.050792699011623615,0.15705252993171598,0.05433415801908705,0.038678658095862836,0.0,0.0,0.03124242565509889,0.0,0.04172481743377444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054493072629266,0.12872123488936565,0.05005568733677127,0.108055915625166,0.25597487782970424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04353841782791795,0.0,0.045668769745745616,0.054513061281221666,0.1469687027346792,0.034608462352232486,0.0,0.15920437397151185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485555622874691,0.0,0.0759301012468538,0.04647197838743055,0.027531888586184425,0.08126519629031599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796725822942157,0.08567788466475827,0.0,0.1735855308052244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494209493729725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050447057343755014,0.02662360092337357,0.03948839313669344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0342174882646008,0.11833665898227302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355628017485375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049114696246675325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882024118013388,0.0,0.0489147136597413,0.0,0.19333802309216647,0.0,0.035611974823624465,0.0,0.11208918915695568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492983076408283,0.046483403883727716,0.1103078184520956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368781571711437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046245358488364106,0.033585027257327864,0.0,0.10122751122410588,0.05317705530694454,0.09159063330386047,0.0,0.0,0.049285048056282206,0.0,0.0,0.11325708049475405,0.0,0.0,0.05152624503919938,0.0,0.0,0.031034519851869908,0.04980858535433134,0.286996123903127,0.208043260462334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700195581943742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053774350593486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209302810991044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03428897106722836,0.0,0.03868750701278943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052989963668404416,0.0,0.0,0.050351950821299514,0.0,0.07787503727151808,0.08468452705821061,0.044600802671774034,0.0,0.0,0.1287363837939903,0.15520506050224914,0.09519213055477012,0.03845919039810302,0.11299253677057375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041840133356858884,0.0,0.07994288338551941,0.02857357511256574,0.11535797385501086,0.0,0.0,0.04355704823738457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093396733961137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720664320662946,0.0,0.0,0.031196400949737836
ptsd,cupcake-lobster23,2020/02/24,"Should I take an online Ptsd test score seriously I’ve been having tons of intrusive thoughts so I thought I’d take an [online test](https://safeharborhouse.com/resources/ptsd-self-test/) to see if this is something I should be worried about. I scored a 55 when it says 33 is concerning should I be worried or seek help or am I just overreacting?

If anyone could point me in the right direction that would be great also.",5.845238095238094,7.933033805194802,5.352662337662338,79.54423160173161,68.0909090909091,8.25021645021645,28.417748917748927,8.841846274778883,2.1668372294372293,341,12,62,6,6,104,58,77,0.085,0.821,0.095,0.4019,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,13,0,0,0,0,12,18,7,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,7,1,4,7,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,4,1,40,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718544584051934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617982218362155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691763762135053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304897180558787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012871183701425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976295571246696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887606047040592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853635333932086,0.0,0.16625314109094794,0.0,0.0,0.16659399143554274,0.0,0.21809548655532834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094483218415825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314374654437498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319410508074338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246217639902963,0.0,0.148510438408992,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,acadiawaffles,2020/02/24,"i’m not brave (tw) (before anything, this might come off as offensive to some people, but know i don’t intend that. every story is different and this is how i feel about mine)


why am i labeled as brave? nothing about my trauma was what you think of when “brave” comes to mind. bravery is fighting for your country, or being selfless, not being assaulted. i didn’t choose to get taken advantage of, it wasn’t a choice. so why am i called brave? strong? sure. brave? no. i wasn’t brave. i just sat there and took it, nothing about it was brave. i don’t want to be labeled as something i’m not.",0.5454901960784326,2.9514901596638694,1.9813109243697509,94.98770868347341,88.57983193277313,4.517871148459384,19.69803921568628,6.079149491110277,-0.01022733893557426,455,14,96,4,15,146,74,119,0.233,0.609,0.158,-0.8903,1,0,1,0,2,0,23.0,0,2,0,2,8,14,3,0,1,0,16,0,0,2,1,21,28,10,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,9,4,0,0,8,1,12,10,14,16,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,1,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922006169157872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532061076262965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223847744860915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752082596022611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275409564617246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349485595142428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011960018178728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378466619741333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968998437881298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23103748385501874,0.2199026844895589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179448077463477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098601422704236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766299538666954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526157543340096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954905138859808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419692588306502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284563560246033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39303760453562814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,j16f03,2020/02/24,Recently diagnosed- how to cope at home So after 8 years of abusive and people telling me I made it up I got diagnosed. I’m in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist. I’m having lots of trouble at home though. I moved in with my mom and my 7 siblings. Small house. So much noise. So much stimulation. My brain can’t handle it. I start to panic and then the whole depression kicks in and I’m just trying to get better. I’m a minor so there’s no way I can just get my own house. So what are some coping skills that helps block out all the stimulation or noise? Or what helps you the most?,-0.16001944579484473,2.1524889338843,2.1065435099659697,92.63703451628588,93.54545454545456,5.491686922702963,17.035002430724358,7.048011613610866,0.17821108410306286,455,12,100,8,17,153,79,121,0.157,0.778,0.065,-0.9107,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,10,4,0,1,5,0,4,3,1,4,1,20,14,15,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,5,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,11,1,14,12,8,15,0,1,1,0,5,8,0,5,5,66,16,0,0.0,0.19423003628270566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498260834357404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829998992288119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119251781738815,0.33277064277788776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129313491806114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131109656098218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975741202670127,0.0,0.328869960417994,0.0,0.0,0.3783060161606155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936727478578165,0.0,0.15511436380166746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199262944254988,0.0,0.174231460564051,0.2410145663442453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923363286479301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364829976677915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186092526360196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063084623105378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160303736747015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432818922994851,0.0,0.18746804118627314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106022046426122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129759034445756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011986455265862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830217950215684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055654324653517
ptsd,BramplePatch,2020/02/25,"When am I gonna let go and just die I hate this planet, everyone on it. If I had the power and strength, I'd end my own miserable life but I can't. When does this FUCKING will to live finally catch the message that the rest of me already knows: I'm not supposed to be alive",0.29050000000000153,2.113939049999999,2.4700000000000024,95.165,83.5,6.0,23.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.7143333333333337,213,8,51,3,6,72,49,60,0.11599999999999999,0.7909999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.1027,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,1,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,12,6,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,4,7,2,7,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,4,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33677642803069224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167312062841989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670672230346697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703010722551205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916149141421644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343124623469569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821362620831156,0.0,0.0,0.17344222215822558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013044922793171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677202961049628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120697370701157,0.21555939334519336,0.0,0.0,0.2694816990433497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Take_Two_of_These,2020/02/25,"Academic accommodations due to PTSD? Hi everyone,

Has anyone received academic accommodations at a university due to being diagnosed with PTSD? I am pushing 40 and a part time undergrad student at a university who is struggling.

​

Thanks for any help",7.818571428571428,11.340600619047626,9.014523809523812,49.134642857142886,66.6190476190476,12.771428571428574,43.83333333333334,11.698219412168324,7.326076190476193,214,14,26,9,4,73,33,42,0.064,0.8,0.136,0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,17,2,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26763447344057817,0.3001433361160825,0.1679747943662869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271464587035382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507092400793661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360279715803494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556512711308027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26748700110935925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5774813068988658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582277519156936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274129767703795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440331092745929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001433361160825,0.0
ptsd,charlotte-welch,2020/02/25,"Help? Hi, im not sure if this is the right place to post this
But, im currently 17, and almost 3 years ago i was sexually assaulted. 
The first time it ever happened a song was playing. I still cannot listen to this song without having a panic attack and it is the worst feeling ever. 
It feels debilitating, i worry whenever the radio plays in public because if it plays i will have a panic attack, it is horrible. 
My boyfriend now is the most caring and sweet guy and he is fully aware of the situation and the song, and he has seen the reaction i have to the song.
I was diagnosed with PTSD from the event a year and a half ago. 
Recently though, i have found myself randomly thinking of the song and it gets stuck in my head - causing me to panic and get extremely anxious. 
I am completely unsure as to why this happens and i wondered if any body here could think of an explanation or some way to help and avoid this from happening? Any and all advice is widelt accepted and i will be so thankful for any replies i get.",4.349390756302519,5.25575840686275,5.710504201680673,80.0744117647059,70.32352941176471,8.965826330532213,28.787114845938376,9.23628265651192,2.3740879551820733,801,29,159,16,14,270,118,204,0.11,0.713,0.17800000000000002,0.922,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,16,3,4,17,0,20,3,2,1,4,39,37,21,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,11,14,0,1,7,9,0,0,3,8,0,2,6,10,15,8,17,27,4,19,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,9,13,112,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111585812730982,0.20244629921417734,0.0,0.1143454730839113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23296073831268604,0.0,0.0,0.12900296742880202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25981677146051685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960957978892662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684010511209173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642501057741228,0.11730528555243187,0.0,0.0,0.11972675737302765,0.0,0.0,0.09117196769358356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590113840402028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065840185843348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154764796000622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713053566507306,0.0,0.12520418868594035,0.0,0.0,0.17897975469291555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306672808564623,0.3029353285738259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719258361208774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307921404362826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246691063279982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019344842560039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930495830739815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936310801241217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348279635691115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127495222810327,0.0,0.0,0.09751821839048552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283551108249401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119282604823883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762336627213788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513143786479562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633755625048736,0.11219176516042577,0.0,0.06658550489607537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063924813040736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303932916413336,0.0,0.0,0.11007574241958773,0.12383492344065387,0.0,0.11596618038752984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707011047261764
ptsd,IRanOutOfKitchen1,2020/02/25,"EMDR Experience Hi guys!
In 2018, I lost my dearly loved aunt of whom I thought of as a second mother totally unexpected to an aneurysm, only a few days later, my grandfather , her father, passed as well. Those events and the aftermath of massive inheritance fights , old family arguments etc lead to our family getting torn apart. The loss , especially my aunt, the fall out of our family, everyone just had gotten back together after years of fights and secrets , seeing my mother cope with the loss of her beloved sister and father and all of this happening in my senior year, I struggled really hard and went to a really bad state of mind.

I finally talked to a doctor about my issues 6 months later , he diagnosed severe depression and said i should see a therapist and after 6 months of being on the waiting list , I finally met her. After sessions over sessions , she diagnosed me with ptsd and told me that she was a big supporter of the EMDR  (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) method , which we tried in a double session. It was an experience out of this world, in the beginning , I struggled so hard so talk about the day my aunt died , couldn’t even say her name without tearing up, and the more I talked and watched her  doing „the finger stuff“ it got easier and I was able to express my thoughts and feelings and to find peace with lots of things that happened (letting her go, leaving certain family members behind..). After the session, i felt so incredibly relieved, as if the giant knot that I kept in my throat for nearly 2 years got a lot smaller. I’m now able to talk about her being dead, to be more relaxed around ambulances and hospitals and stuff like that. Of course I’m still in therapy and we are still working on it and my anxiety and self worth issues that I’ve had before this incident and I am so glad that I’m able to do this.
But sometimes , I still fall back and cry on the floor because the scarf I kept from her stopped smelling like her , recently I’ve watched a show about cleaning out the wardrobe of deceased family members and that hit me so hard I cried all night because it brought me back to when we were doing this, but I guess things like this will get less and better to handle over time and while continuing therapy

Gosh, I wrote a ton of stuff , sorry for that but I always think it’s better to explain a few things 

Did any of you have experience with EMDR? Was it such a great Experience for you like it was for me ? How do you feel if you experienced a similar trauma to mine , maybe after a couple years in therapy or so?

Thank you for reading my short story lengthened post !!",8.571392215568864,7.2049349441117805,8.543665169660681,70.98938997005992,61.83433133732535,11.862974051896211,36.643463073852296,10.864195022040775,3.8731043912175647,2081,79,381,44,24,679,251,501,0.084,0.815,0.10099999999999999,0.9512,0,0,1,0,3,0,50.0,5,5,0,7,24,26,2,2,30,0,23,7,3,2,4,70,59,42,2,4,8,8,7,4,0,2,3,2,1,2,30,35,0,4,9,3,2,8,2,10,1,1,24,16,56,16,71,27,13,70,0,4,5,1,50,24,0,6,40,274,86,9,0.2087402752212488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789621027296074,0.0,0.0,0.047316848386496434,0.0,0.05322857973233235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194103348507031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050838687690547,0.058096470240873964,0.08483075621179054,0.0,0.0592075332551832,0.0,0.0,0.1230758735564378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698904807627446,0.15286092709489138,0.08974680591039645,0.0,0.05992923105931334,0.14124465693419533,0.07221314994678929,0.0,0.0,0.07121817225725115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760019495716755,0.04595699436907085,0.0,0.0,0.06648675944729214,0.0,0.2722507243797832,0.3279695901164052,0.0,0.07036357006357769,0.0,0.06680779968628289,0.15244317890722175,0.06359494330109511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727054522439744,0.0,0.03954396960992195,0.0,0.11129911125431566,0.07671229678311126,0.07665031558097378,0.06889523018945211,0.1230588906685366,0.0,0.18699028582973246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524707660326275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367527058096779,0.0,0.07115035800002137,0.0,0.1359732727927103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595488952643557,0.11830901158014953,0.0627987493838808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990255435322518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025605760330847,0.0,0.11107633078880726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529620261370019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301260165030345,0.0,0.0,0.05291879516760262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663849417347352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133540376595211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959892110141233,0.0,0.08914957693797218,0.0,0.06870194638884787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661866009258182,0.05533288169236833,0.0,0.0,0.11089264910453124,0.0,0.07258721053940168,0.07860569848096625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881648988961063,0.07788921609738186,0.0,0.0,0.1667002534324951,0.058172072285254485,0.0,0.14548043868935354,0.2389576744550332,0.0,0.07895866354563244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237033683756621,0.0,0.06406000009442811,0.2387126966108704,0.08078784939572564,0.13867776358235426,0.044584113266293066,0.0,0.11047764134044506,0.04057271104211226,0.0,0.0,0.06648675944729214,0.0,0.047240314934566416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256085870772245,0.06450144213647523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707272546639723,0.0,0.05065513548191608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922919123164138
ptsd,SirSmokeAlottaGreen,2020/02/25,"Thinking I may have ptsd I am a 30 year old male, that has had issues dealing with people. Over the past couple years I have found myself distancing myself from society. I hate to leave the house, as I always feel like people are picking me apart, or talking shit about me. I get very very anxious and nervous around people. Makes it hard for me to hold a job. But then it makes me question myself as to weather it’s just a cop out or not.....but then again I know how I feel inside. 

Looking at me, you would never think that I was a troubled youth. I was basically raised by the system in my adolescence years. When I was 14 I was sent to Manatee County Boot Camp by the state of Florida, and was to serve 6-8 months there. It was a “hands on” program, but these deputies/drill Sargents were all fresh out of the military, and LOVED to make our days a living hell. We were verbally and physically abused on the daily basis. Constantly playing mind games with us. No matter what, we were the scum of the earth to these deputies. To this day I have nightmares (this was 16 years ago) about being back in boot camp, and then I wake up with my heart racing and out of breath. I never really thought it affected me like it has, but it is weird that I think about it often. 

3 months after being released from boot camp, I started acting out again and doing stupid things, like drugs and whatnot. I was 15 at this point, and I ended up violating my probation and was sent away again.....but this time to a juvenile prison, for about a year and a half. Before prison I was a skater kid, that likes to skateboard and hang with friends....smoke pot and party......during my incarceration at Polk Juvenile Correctional Facility, I ended up joining a gang, getting into fights, and not taking shit from anyone due to being white. I became a product of my environment. I witnessed many bad beatings, full blown riots and stabbings. 

After my release from prison, I continued to live this wanna be “gangster” life, and within months was addicted to pain pills and living life on the edge. After 6-7 year addiction with pain pills, I was finally FREE of being incarcerated in jail or to a substance, but have just never completely bounced back to my normal self. I have completely changed my life around, I no longer try to act like someone I am not. I am a law abiding citizen that wants to do better in life, but find myself STILL having this mentality, that if someone tries me, or disrespects me, that it’s time to fight. I cannot find that happy medium between being passive and aggressive. I let people walk all over me, and take advantage of me because I cannot find that middle ground. I let people do it until I’ve had enough and then I explode. 

My girlfriend gets the brunt end of it all the time and I KNOW it’s not fair to her. Then after I have an episode of me flipping out and treating her like shit, I feel so damn guilty and ashamed of myself.....for sometimes days at a time.....and then BOOM out of nowhere I am perfectly fine. 

This is a daily thing for me. I am to the point now where I have no friends, don’t communicate with people and prefer to not leave my house. My self esteem is shot,  I have ZERO self confidence and feel like the world is against me. Very serious trust issues, as it has come with the lifestyle I used to live. I just feel fkn hopeless and feel I’ll never be a normal human being. Which brings on the suicidal thoughts. I can never predict how I am going to feel on any given day, because all it takes is for a glass of water to spill and I turn into the hulk. It’s fkn exhausting. I’ve reached out for help for years, and never get the help I need. It’s very frustrating and depressing. I don’t know who I am anymore. 

Thanks for letting me vent to you guys, I just need some words of advice. Anyone else going through these feelings? Have these emotions like this? Not understand it? Please let me know what you guys are thinking from your experiences with ptsd. Thank you so much in advance",3.734645161290324,5.374279985987265,4.454909595233205,85.67423618245327,72.70700636942675,7.20464351756729,25.78230943086089,7.831003766801068,1.3963753852475862,3139,103,620,42,62,1005,345,785,0.17300000000000001,0.732,0.095,-0.9968,1,0,2,0,3,1,116.0,4,5,0,5,24,44,12,2,36,0,66,21,7,8,12,130,114,54,1,9,19,0,10,8,2,2,12,1,0,9,44,51,1,1,25,2,1,11,18,23,0,2,23,13,91,22,108,77,8,106,1,2,2,1,34,40,5,9,61,432,135,2,0.0,0.0644162493046949,0.0,0.1185365595923388,0.0,0.053127004799163456,0.04819324807829372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523787092915158,0.0,0.0,0.036971564632482405,0.0,0.0,0.061419468138115677,0.05391765977105135,0.07602962952700829,0.05570562769997329,0.0,0.0967966802940994,0.0,0.0,0.051079780002074575,0.08361005155432896,0.04539434636231072,0.06628348871607509,0.0,0.04626248824929274,0.0,0.0,0.048083375891003616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575132954583881,0.046832534248229134,0.1140059629064126,0.058751635734288085,0.0,0.0,0.06015627971869743,0.0,0.14024940157349994,0.0560502024658725,0.04682639514335656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304869889227498,0.0,0.04541682463765604,0.06115578949060025,0.14445962328863798,0.056175857404870334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053181560035599665,0.0,0.0,0.21991754456073911,0.0776798861244541,0.0,0.0595566170818541,0.1490719249103556,0.0,0.0,0.059610835556933285,0.042003968743620286,0.0,0.11361848552614465,0.0,0.0617962724954177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766416372507204,0.0,0.057874902087898986,0.04870233806029282,0.053676360569228095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442540126395559,0.07288238477730749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546491323823114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349047672095545,0.053951063280792036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951517908550835,0.0,0.0,0.11513404298825787,0.0,0.22237660783618646,0.15360466262885406,0.2124885665369263,0.0,0.19202895695627134,0.0,0.04565476058286096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906852634648029,0.0,0.1088715971722254,0.0551198139438978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478935667300097,0.0,0.05489538004068356,0.0,0.13018615618752946,0.0,0.039966152220392216,0.08062518921240913,0.2515880469024376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653663789677106,0.0,0.0,0.0570492374904296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570108140739566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518996502155917,0.22614825237974984,0.0,0.0,0.0596788663800717,0.10278916602389243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710470962390366,0.0,0.06090371360457013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03482902452418337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701505597347631,0.0,0.16742146804703115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213031498318057,0.0,0.0537705572220741,0.0,0.03848138846387062,0.0,0.04341772120076064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946889956576022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263211922405592,0.043698301051497884,0.0,0.10010803824051333,0.0,0.0,0.07223831220390885,0.1393452422479672,0.0,0.08632297789360252,0.12680782087224352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382352867612317,0.05913590854615902,0.0,0.056598179147660174,0.06539705515237199,0.04695581042454367,0.0,0.17943455605293818,0.032067186896696416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03862090350248882,0.0,0.0,0.2450748886245285
ptsd,dasturkey,2020/02/25,"Morphing Nightmares Glad to have found this group. Wondering if anyone else is experiencing this - I've been calling it ""morphing nightmares""   


It feels like my brain is deliberately trying new techniques to torture me in my dreams. I was having semi-traditional ""scary"" nightmares for a while, but because I'm a horror fan and kind of enjoy the adrenaline I got used to them enough to kind of... like them? They were interesting and often involved fighting monsters.   


Then it felt like my brain figured out that this wasn't working and switched to nightmares about people I love hurting me terribly and then laughing or not caring at all when I would be sobbing and broken hearted. These dreams were the worst- screaming out at night, waking up sobbing, feeling the choke in your throat when you have so much emotion to get out that it all just gets blocked up.   


Now my brain is like ""Oh, you learned to identify those as not real while in the dream. How about some WORK RELATED STRESS DREAMS ABOUT HOW EVERYONE HATES YOU AND CAN TELL HOW CRAZY YOU ARE?!?""   


I mean I'd be impressed with myself if I weren't so tired.",6.833981238273921,7.764040863414634,6.101463414634146,79.40484052532834,64.7560975609756,8.649155722326455,33.81801125703565,8.617729084823388,2.714932457786116,887,37,158,12,13,270,129,205,0.23199999999999998,0.5660000000000001,0.20199999999999999,-0.9242,0,0,0,0,2,0,27.0,0,5,3,2,13,23,3,1,6,0,17,8,6,4,2,36,31,22,0,3,7,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,11,10,0,1,8,4,0,0,4,10,0,0,9,5,21,13,25,19,6,19,0,3,0,1,14,10,2,6,13,112,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814384177344723,0.14381667633760115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556290842416431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4700686884551204,0.14332451820508094,0.0,0.14310763760568154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725380430815074,0.15788750161313314,0.0,0.14503068066832586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412117878108504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419417195036246,0.10027409708828834,0.13476880088881812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389885362533226,0.0,0.0,0.14666590821747266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225970496087932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857766429887575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632874386411095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025960922162385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29232926181014385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742936455511533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668149814131247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289453742754644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318166073447196,0.0,0.0,0.13556175913885413,0.0,0.13171951434060622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730880989853807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976181881045098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078332488493485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268190943714405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613245960991468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952960676333849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122704417527988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221577613591064,0.20436930717118448,0.0,0.0,0.0997085969266589,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,moontigger,2020/02/25,"Trigger, loved ones attempted suicide Should start if by saying the loved one is alive and in the hospital. 

I really don’t know where to turn. I went to therapy yesterday looking for answers, and left with any hope that I can stop having nightmares of the attempted suicide play on loop. 

I watch my boyfriend of 3 years look me dead in the eye and stab his neck. It came from left field, and I was the one to clean up the blood left over. I am not only traumatized from what I saw but the after math. 

I don’t think I have ptsd, but something is wrong with me now. I see any broken window, or glass piece and start shaking and having flashbacks. I find myself staring at peoples necks and see where he stabbed him self. I see red on the ground and I feel like I smell the blood and bleach I used to clean up the after math. I keep having more extreme panic attacks then normal, where I can’t stop reliving those moments. 

The therapist I saw made me lose hope. I’m not expecting anyone to have advice. I just want to know I’m not alone, and the nightmares might stop. If anyone has articles I would love to read them.",4.040812780269056,5.1738731121076205,4.397194506726457,88.36108323991033,71.2421524663677,7.548094170403588,26.04512331838565,7.865858978985527,1.3114038116591928,876,27,182,11,16,275,133,223,0.18,0.684,0.136,-0.9297,0,1,1,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,3,5,12,1,2,12,0,17,8,5,3,0,43,44,16,3,9,9,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,3,1,4,13,0,4,6,2,0,3,6,5,0,3,6,14,28,7,25,35,2,30,0,1,11,3,9,15,0,6,13,115,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925276577559337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579436818150265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205998178965338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635075491494993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719224864804599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787304413157824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565310431029051,0.07987220845888325,0.0,0.0,0.1021860737774572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22209155343934506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937579637224338,0.0,0.0,0.12288819891708574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644234207240637,0.0,0.0,0.054621382472083056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777301236371005,0.12507915139111608,0.0,0.0,0.3027201836138496,0.10579086469063284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860549744672005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954337055755126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272821686297589,0.08503135039539643,0.0,0.13117693307308995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751024217409433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306919251519127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183342758602433,0.0,0.07162397490537467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891036987273003,0.0,0.0,0.2672779587786386,0.0,0.11663509182421725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860715440604514,0.0,0.0,0.15826972126345346,0.0,0.0,0.28041737417004153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445890476887036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785667099349446,0.1298120999902136,0.0,0.07163895824172359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160974611205926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656204368209767,0.0,0.0,0.06594440760120013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364266060752576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942176564159785,0.12223921749145447,0.0,0.07199757719555633
ptsd,luckyduckling8989,2020/02/25,"I'm having SEVERE visions before Lucid state with my low dose SSRI. HELP! *Yesterday, I experienced something absolutely terrifying, yet my doctors do not seem to have an answer for it so I decided to turn here.*

Lately I've been experiencing generalized anxiety, social anxiety, depression and agoraphobia. Long story how I got here, alas here we are.

It was my therapist of two year's opinion that I go on medication during this really really hard time. Something she's calling ""a trauma wave"" of PTSD from my childhood.

***\*\*SIDE NOTE:*** *During my lucid sleep state in the past, it's not uncommon for me to see and hear things. All of these have been in my head and I even learned my spirit guide's name during this state which was confirmed by a psychic later. I used to think it was a ""brain dump"" as my day eliminates moments from the day to recalibrate during sleep. But what I experienced yesterday was unreal.*

I've been on Prozac now for 3 days. EXTREMELY low dose (5mg with .5-1 mg of ativan as needed). **And last night, the MINUTE I would shut my eyes I saw the craziest visions I couldn't control.** They would happen so fast–literally the second I closed my eyes without even sleeping–there was no way I ways already in dream state. I would see an image and that image would turn into a full story with characters and places I've never seen or been to. At one point, I was watching statues crumble during a volcano eruption in Greece. Another time I was hearing a woman being called out in a cotton field in the south. I saw positive things and terrifying things. I saw light and I saw death.

But what scared me the most, was I couldn't stop it unless I opened my eyes. I didn't see any of these things IRL but the minute I shut my eyes, stories and times and places and things beyond my imagination were manifesting in front of me within milliseconds. I had no control as I would watch everything.

I woke my husband up sobbing bc it terrified me. This has never happened to this magnitude and I can only assume it was the medication. But it's a low dose SSRI. What if I was just going insane? That thought alone made me cry for 20 minutes.

I called my therapist, who was also afraid for me, and told me to call my psychiatrist. Unfortunately she didn't get back to me until 24 hours later.

What was strange was that she didn't really understand what was happening.

""Well, are you hallucinating?"" She asked.

""I mean, not really. It only happens when I shut my eyes. But it happens with such intensity and backstories and I go somewhere new every time I shut my eyes. I have no control over it. I can't just calm down and stop it. Or else I'll just go somewhere new.""

""You said you had moments similar to these before though right?""

""Well yes, but that was in a relaxed state during lucid dreaming that I thought was spiritual. THIS is horrific and happening beyond my control in such rapid succession,"" I continued. ""I looked this up on Google bc I was terrified and didn't really see anything on this. Is this a normal occurence?""

She told me, it was not. But she did try to reassure me that since this happens on some small level already, perhaps it's my ""PTSD"" trying to get out. It's just strange as no person, no timeline, no story, no image is anything about my past at all. AND I'M FULLY AWAKE AND CONSCIOUS.

Any input on this would be magnificent. Is this a side effect to the meds? Are the meds bringing my subconscious to the surface in weird ways? Or am I seeing psychic things? Some type of astral travel?

I'm so terrified and confused, Idk what to do! For now, the doc says to take the day off of this med and tomorrow take half of the half I'm already taking and to steady in.",2.1811644416740243,4.8191637812061705,3.7804103682925563,83.63709971776362,82.29593267882188,6.774844596817482,23.80948175852337,7.963208826676137,1.6223128114556822,2908,107,544,58,81,963,311,713,0.142,0.812,0.046,-0.9963,0,1,2,0,0,0,117.0,1,3,1,6,27,18,1,3,28,1,57,17,10,8,4,97,108,47,1,11,21,1,1,0,0,6,7,4,0,2,51,33,0,6,13,4,0,7,21,11,2,5,43,28,82,7,77,55,6,102,1,5,19,0,30,50,1,11,37,377,133,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010856497186761,0.192134974226126,0.04641196409979893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893395368501567,0.06085658756935877,0.08879590231774923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551859235579356,0.0,0.05425652229715515,0.0,0.0,0.04462667459840779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987699909680038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478820145154668,0.2370480226351823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603725784411181,0.0,0.0,0.06375063931244501,0.14971559735434578,0.0,0.049986963524861976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940306785193283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848225343051321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666544558081816,0.0,0.04889846086308075,0.0,0.052159684277795576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060643607887796325,0.0,0.13193447882306722,0.0,0.04641728682546172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592519142469053,0.0,0.051989524043914034,0.0,0.05956244408863201,0.0,0.1308232594519215,0.0,0.03890080688802602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715450332553676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730769332933053,0.0654679763916016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136069311628448,0.04873624896823932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054915771496931526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632190294843006,0.19339722112302485,0.11693182985478005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04303351112131863,0.08952303136797292,0.1121045001624608,0.0,0.05446355377282605,0.05686368784425705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03932720049221178,0.08827911979062537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108052804123634,0.0,0.050675447252182704,0.12127209230581418,0.0,0.05486348326683288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568369857122456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589912518003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956306322021552,0.05520623488459254,0.0461531491392643,0.05810490645144885,0.0,0.23123885906684266,0.05283447304434249,0.0,0.06556500247642891,0.0,0.04800859529371617,0.0,0.11615731711505055,0.05916115290436597,0.0,0.08935904361561274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704263525793247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309092286916965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477026851885832,0.2313422077129518,0.037187602848179145,0.057020807406139816,0.0921493857068168,0.13536677118113308,0.0,0.0,0.11091319413355226,0.0,0.07880628060119886,0.12625462602691112,0.05669346690776809,0.06041829843972259,0.0,0.05012511374805245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820060065079545,0.0,0.0,0.1043640075812712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055945351244096116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473658314417589,0.0,0.0,0.03737376104417025
ptsd,shutterlove18,2020/02/25,"Dorm doors are a trigger now apparently I live in a college dorm, and the walls are beyond thin. I hear my neighbor sneeze, open her drawers, and have sex with her boyfriend. I can hear the toilet flush from 5 rooms down. The doors to the room are old, metal, and solid. And they’re also so LOUD. It sounds like everyone slams their door. It’s hell at night. I jump every time when I’m bed, and my heart speeds up. And every time, I know there’s not going to be anyone there, but I can’t *not* do it. And I’m so fucking tired of it.",-0.31419642857142804,1.8677445446428609,1.331785714285715,99.7632142857143,90.16071428571428,3.9142857142857146,15.142857142857142,5.288315135182226,-1.0682928571428567,407,8,96,2,14,131,77,112,0.07200000000000001,0.898,0.028999999999999998,-0.7548,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,8,3,2,0,6,0,8,4,1,1,0,14,15,12,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,9,0,4,9,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,5,11,1,10,14,0,19,1,0,0,2,6,10,2,0,8,56,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578916980197036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624461248331491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914854552938546,0.2219952404281756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477950645594904,0.0,0.0,0.13203490610786006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5236913635479081,0.27530468953376913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767902344101173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135016191056557,0.0,0.20514607336220536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180200436715014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437846300885681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709396221891949,0.26702190379987273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SkyRyzen,2020/02/25,"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Survey Hey, I'm doing a school project in collaboration with the health union. It is on PTSD. Id love to get some input from you guys. It will only take around 2-3 minutes and is completely Anonymous.
https://forms.gle/vZBkZsTpfL2S17HH9",6.096666666666668,9.65765866666667,5.22666666666667,73.62000000000003,73.44444444444446,8.044444444444443,26.777777777777786,8.841846274778883,2.6149111111111107,220,8,34,5,5,66,42,45,0.183,0.7340000000000001,0.083,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,7,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,0,17,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552128209348941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005865832210581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285689244225228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978248279474013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838658810858714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047356029939312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587468287126121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180389030553544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27456755439776265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33512256204105023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901432427064361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283997745072411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555346036871206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Brave-valkyrie,2020/02/25,"My ex-teacher does not believe if I have PTSD and blamed the psychologist did wrong diagnose Does anyone ever experience the wrong diagnosis?

I am a student abroad and back in my country, mental health awareness still very low. Most people do not believe it even exist. I told my problem to my teacher back in the university and kinda ask advice from her. But she said I am okay and the psychologist tricked me.

What do you think?",3.823,6.5238273000000016,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,76.0,7.0,28.75,8.07648339933343,2.2685000000000004,344,15,59,6,8,112,58,80,0.192,0.7859999999999999,0.022000000000000002,-0.9253,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,5,1,6,2,0,0,1,13,10,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,1,12,1,4,7,1,7,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,3,4,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052248640258345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917213961494514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727038015152657,0.0,0.0,0.2841021143934941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162698173011205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750378000136614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32332852108536275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201679481181255,0.16710484860557515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180707861937398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963663877333981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617106182435966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280731113725244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767679955268625,0.21594722214743373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572682929612915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753090287557274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837176636470875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652375653709665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242705817724814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039609857161747,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sowhyisthis,2020/02/25,"Mood plunges severely after therapy sessions. What is your post-therapy self care like? 

I always suffer quite heavily after I have one-to-one therapy sessions. I have group sessions weekly and one-to-one sessions every two weeks. I’m officially diagnosed with C-PTSD. However, due to lack of treatments for C-PTSD I am in art psychotherapy for BPD individuals.

Maybe it’s just the case that my therapist and I aren’t compatible, but when I leave after one-to-one sessions I often shake very heavily and lose my sense of reality. I feel deeply ashamed, misunderstood and unacknowledged. After therapy, I usually walk 4 miles home but I get so disorientated and confused after the session that I don’t really remember how I got home at the end of my journey. I enter something I call “the pit” where I can’t get out of bed for several days and I can’t eat. I just don’t feel safe in my home in this time and I feel really hazy. My therapist hasn’t given me guidance with this or addressed it yet when it mention it.

I will admit, I seek validation and advice from my therapist when I open up, and if I don’t receive that, the negative thoughts in my head get so loud that I maybe dissociate? I rarely get validation outside of therapy, my mental health is so bad that I don’t contact my friends much anymore - I only have my sister to discuss things with. 

Anyway, I’m sure that others must have experienced a similar feeling of dread after therapy sessions sometimes. What do you do to avoid/reduce the intensity of it?

Any helpful things you tell yourself (like maybe paths to positive thinking) is also appreciated!",5.062664109121911,6.743707434640527,6.604578005115091,71.40755754475705,69.42483660130719,10.027621483375961,33.565785734583685,10.276239652853533,3.860140551292981,1289,62,224,36,23,441,163,306,0.133,0.764,0.10300000000000001,-0.8740000000000001,2,1,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,3,0,2,14,14,0,4,7,0,20,4,1,1,2,36,36,21,0,3,6,1,4,2,1,2,2,1,5,1,18,14,1,1,8,1,0,5,9,7,0,1,3,6,40,6,31,31,2,32,0,2,0,0,15,10,0,5,19,147,58,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265143764999056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763928331477931,0.07037805128773167,0.0,0.0,0.05751788531267495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388148572739837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062148529189581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652663248294857,0.0,0.08636651493433982,0.0,0.08623582395584169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454765760568129,0.0,0.0,0.08584779265315215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654733558247052,0.0,0.0,0.07491353717579294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126302263060001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106649707727506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653469627506678,0.0,0.17676003395731366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067647040481624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680436410682164,0.08990549917480285,0.0,0.0,0.0566927676797912,0.0,0.2545244971383365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895589184013736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264387186353847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462434757716698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549185274245317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523761341450478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062176664218905726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719425394506003,0.06432755551411062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100508372770375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774099861668928,0.0,0.0,0.0899621560480844,0.0,0.0,0.1083693296752864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581362651230883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823628355103634,0.19110459400086427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511447840105883,0.08365263342900682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971645973103109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739273998354931,0.0,0.5803535093542634,0.2946146931582485,0.11238353036525668,0.05419599996752518,0.0,0.06714775519630788,0.04931977974277988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262321030038466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315386797652432,0.06978806765940944,0.0,0.0,0.13569132836914938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Nobody_Asked_Me_Why,2020/02/25,"Possible solution for people not to talk to me in public? So, I'm a selective mute, not something common for a 21yr old guy that dresses alternative. I can usually force myself to speak if I know it's a simple *thanks* or *yes/no* but other than that, I only speak vocally to people I trust and they can be rare. I have a service dog for multiple reasons which usually causes people to stare or make comments to me (not all that nice of comments either), do to my trauma this kinda puts me into a mild fight or flight mode. I've tried patches on my dog telling people not to approach me or speak to me, surprise surprise, people don't read. All anyone sees is PUPPY! 

Recently I was thinking about getting one of those japanese face masks usually used for cosplay or pollution and personalizing it to say ""mute"" on it. Do you think that would help my chances of people backing off a bit? I'm doing my best to learn sign language also but even trying that in public seems to just get people to think I'm deaf, that usually ensues worse comments about my service pup and people trying to take advantage of me. I wear a medical alert bracelet that states I'm a selective mute but it also lists some other info so I'm not really inclined to just show it off if I can't speak.

I'd really like to know what you guys think and if you have any other ideas on how to combat this! I'd also like to say that I've tried just walking away from people when it's too much to handle but it's gotten to some very uncomfortable points, there have been times that I was followed, my service pup barking at a guy who tried to pet him and talk to me when I was already struggling to tell him to back off, and some other stuff. 

TLDR: Do you think a personalized face mask that says ""mute/selective mute"" on it would help people back off when I'm in public and can't speak?",4.209330024813898,5.208102397849466,5.374408602150538,82.01430521091812,70.72043010752688,8.088668320926388,26.942100909842853,8.384062270229773,1.7862515301902402,1460,47,286,22,26,485,175,372,0.057,0.8240000000000001,0.11800000000000001,0.9693,1,0,1,0,1,0,36.0,0,4,1,2,20,12,1,1,10,0,20,5,3,5,2,54,43,28,0,5,21,0,0,2,0,2,2,9,1,5,29,8,0,0,12,2,0,4,8,3,0,1,5,11,31,9,50,35,9,34,0,0,2,0,34,15,0,13,16,191,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874083434473657,0.1900285787633224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386436926291895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055384294395910826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441881779282626,0.18271891124093648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831242381211078,0.0,0.08647496343077893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136875676888587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231634395193523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276614907037204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352860500597616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618332562960953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941654452986934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706163510767091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739436189588188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287216423957947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797940425868005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058227224155016535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311580061322743,0.0,0.05367360306928283,0.06024149158399977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5491307123657398,0.1383232880616905,0.0,0.0,0.07487745852760076,0.08929547206107162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796262324235234,0.0,0.0,0.07922974826821136,0.0,0.10148574758394847,0.0814393382741292,0.07820865369440494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896888995102976,0.0,0.0,0.06311877062393728,0.07210827363921712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097842940314245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280572710682825,0.09067456838994636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059554794060797375,0.12732928386439454,0.138463114272699,0.07292437298198495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25376744459176265,0.0,0.0,0.04618700450458855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688862270525033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841055110567595,0.3489470668596353,0.06535515389894955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072003828332851,0.11253462644628894,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,arga1234,2020/02/25,"Several months ago I was assaulted and knocked unconscious. Two times in the past week after smoking marijuana (new user), I have ""blacked out"" and woken up minutes later not remembering anything about myself, specifically since the assault. Was I just too high or is there a bigger problem here? I will try to keep this succinct, but there is a lot of context. First I should preemptively clarify that I have no memory at all of being randomly assaulted in the bar. Thankfully the assaulter was caught and is facing charges. I am new to smoking weed as of a couple months ago (this is after the assault). I have gotten high with no abnormal experiences maybe 10 times before these two instances. I am a male in his mid twenties who is in a high level graduate school (so there are other stressors in addition to the assault). I also sustained a broken bone on my jaw that needed surgery to fix. I now have a scar under my jaw/top of my neck that is not at all visible from a front view but  is noticeable from some angles on my side. 

When I ""woke up"" from blacking out for the first time while I was high,  I was alone in my apartment. The best depiction is it felt like I relived the experience of waking up in the ER  after the assault with no memories or understanding of why I was there. Sitting in my apartment, I suddenly started regaining the memories of who I am and what has happened in my life. For example, one moment I thought to myself ""do I have a scar on my jawline?"" and I touch my jawline and I realize I do and more pieces of the puzzle start filling in over the next minute or two. I'm hit with a ton of sadness from all these sudden realizations while simultaneously freaking out that I'm seemingly having a severe lifelong case of amnesia. 

My initial rationalization after all the pieces of the puzzle filled in is that I'm depressed and that has caused me to live in a haze as if im in autopilot the past several months. Ive never had depression in the past and I'm not even sure what it would feel like, but in that moment I told myself (Im still high by the way) this must be what depression feels like. The next day I saw the school counselor/therapist and told her what I had experienced (she was aware of the assault and I had seen her three prior times in the past several months). I did slightly lie, telling her that I was drunk instead of high. She talked me through it and said she was not ready to try to give me some specific disorder but if she had to she might use the term ""adjustment disorder"". 

Fast forward to a week later and it happens to me again, this time its when Im high with some of my classmates (my classmates know what happened to me and are obviously very supportive). It feels like my sober brain is trying to shield me/protect me from the pain of what happened to me by making me live in a haze, as if nothing happened to me. And then when I'm high the veil over that facade gets lifted. Ive never had an symptoms of amnesia when I'm not high. So is this all explained by me just being too high or do you think there might be a larger clinical and psychological/mental health issue that I'm facing?",6.3528918169209465,6.185659813915862,6.991431345353679,76.386786407767,65.74757281553399,10.234378178455847,33.83837263060564,9.888512548439397,3.170397263060564,2487,100,480,49,35,822,267,618,0.11900000000000001,0.833,0.048,-0.9923,0,1,0,0,0,0,61.0,0,1,0,3,23,23,8,0,42,0,54,14,7,3,10,82,96,40,0,8,18,0,5,4,0,6,5,1,0,1,32,24,2,1,13,2,0,5,10,15,1,7,26,12,67,8,85,59,15,105,1,4,5,0,20,48,0,17,56,361,99,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071327287741133,0.0,0.0,0.05883568925651856,0.0,0.04542913141976514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674793201847193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833920506322528,0.0,0.059616221344394725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341622845057067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058357200302811864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628566869445746,0.0,0.03663629454020824,0.0,0.1467852769835138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021318975812124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037520978374851084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113774608448043,0.0,0.0,0.08617110497470706,0.12175038849262655,0.05454434176372973,0.0,0.0,0.09664127406761287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029679700977310517,0.054495163303372784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25117449688543875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038397418204566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6002049926495338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840863315529233,0.05929252440308733,0.0,0.0504933319884064,0.0,0.0,0.03122004981039257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04012498876774764,0.1110135747138104,0.0,0.10032455537590301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048295911492814016,0.0,0.0,0.03791960946061967,0.0,0.057071013155711774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052807578606835,0.0,0.0,0.18137359340842826,0.0,0.0,0.042122221502640056,0.08762726671869114,0.10973054403981963,0.12083135794613745,0.0,0.0,0.05450856136190485,0.06467599173496377,0.0,0.0,0.038494396739824285,0.0,0.060447443618367465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169176738581073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435733783827505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435209862256026,0.0,0.0540371722767372,0.0,0.0,0.11498493713600876,0.0,0.05171563552588097,0.0,0.2567063188822746,0.0,0.04699195190677136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041762553059872,0.0,0.04536673680827357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644647533650864,0.05354062532841968,0.059044996100107376,0.0,0.0456599118504008,0.04965247113897658,0.05230093724000408,0.0,0.06595816788592637,0.0,0.036400107811496,0.0,0.045099002323236576,0.1656252584094909,0.0,0.0,0.1085644654392228,0.0,0.11570618527702844,0.0,0.16647873078094494,0.05913886372218063,0.0,0.0490636503767531,0.0,0.046872337225637516,0.0,0.0450913420783433,0.0911354894213918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126015202794105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040354590615051575,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,-Tenebris-,2020/02/25,"Therapist had me take the PTSD test, scored weird. I have all symptoms that don't involve specific events. I know trauma can lead to memory loss but this severe... thinking back I can't remember beyond the last year. Idk if this is all in my head or not. I've already been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Now fucking trauma. When I hardly believe that my anxiety and depression isn't all in my head. Might as well add that to the list",1.8277540106951875,4.581405058823528,3.2495187165775405,85.52828877005348,86.64705882352942,7.3262032085561515,24.197860962566843,8.296473431620573,2.1014705882352938,350,14,65,9,11,114,62,85,0.259,0.7120000000000001,0.027999999999999997,-0.9625,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,1,0,3,0,9,5,2,1,3,16,13,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,2,1,8,1,7,10,3,10,0,3,0,1,1,3,1,3,6,45,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21670167691568545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004484896047805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509981500181855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124429610481156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382702872308561,0.1993137148033242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154299417464725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591097749499535,0.0,0.4030691934310484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792106095806804,0.16006960497593134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20831994011964974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295486685513759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245149512583706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184476367485687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410597235073571,0.1476475040293427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280033344062765,0.0,0.12582741788890542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765622490928115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645729998203326
ptsd,odetothegalaxy,2020/02/25,"Everything triggers flashbacks, crying every day I’m 23 years old, and last year in April my 15 year old brother hung himself in his closet. 
We were best friends, partners in crime. We told each other everything. The moment I learned of his passing was a completely life-altering moment for me and nothing has ever been the same since. 
I was in weekly therapy for 6 months after the loss. We were mostly trying to manage my grief and anxiety but my therapist would frequently grow frustrated with me because she didn’t feel like I was getting better. 
I was having extremely frequent flashbacks the first 6 months, about 75-100 flashbacks a day where I would replay the moment I learned of my brothers passing obsessively in my head. At first I didn’t realize they were flashbacks and would just tell her I could never stop thinking about that day and that they became intrusive thoughts. Eventually, a friend of mine I confused in told me what was going on sounded like PTSD, which was something she suffered from. 
I saw a psychiatrist and was immediately diagnosed with severe comorbid ptsd (I also have a panic disorder, and I’m bipolar). Upon telling my therapist she discharged me as a client THAT DAY because PTSD did not fall under her specialties. 
I’ve been too afraid to be vulnerable to another professional since, but since I have been going 4 months nearly 5 without therapy, my PTSD is starting to take over my life. 
My medication seemed to stop helping, and my flashbacks have become extremely frequent and are now being accompanied by nightmares. 
It’s gotten to the point where words, colors, songs, and phrases trigger me into a flashback and typically when I am having these flashbacks I start to panic and uncontrollably cry. I can’t handle my grief, I can’t contain my pain, and it spills over the edge. It’s absolutely horrible. 
I’m a hairdresser and I’ll have clients say certain words to me like “hang” “closet” “died/death” “brother” or make jokes about suicide even though it’s completely out of context I’ll have to excuse myself and try to get my episodes under control. It’s happened with my coworkers, and I just started a new job so they don’t even know about my brother, let alone by PTSD. 
I hear songs he liked on the radio in the grocery store and will literally be sobbing in the aisles. I can’t tell you how frequently I see someone who looks so much like him it takes my breath away and I have to go weep in the bathroom. Let alone the fact that in my mind I see him hanging every time I open my closet. 
It is becoming extremely difficult to function when I can not control these flashbacks and my reactions to them, I’m not ready to explain to the people around me what I’m going through because it is so awkward having to deal with the sympathy. 
It’s taking over my life and the anniversary is quickly approaching, I don’t know how to be by myself and that makes it hard because I live alone. I battle my own suicidal ideation which has since worsened. I still have 50-100 flashbacks a day. Sometimes more. 

I can’t take this anymore. I really need some advice on coping skills and how I can change this dreadful thought process I have. I wish my medications still worked for me because they were helping truthfully for a couple of months. I’m genuinely afraid to go back to therapy since my last one dropped me so fast, and I always felt like she didn’t like me. Advance on getting over that fear would be so appreciated because I KNOW I need some serious therapy right now and my family tells me all the time. Does anyone have any good skills in these areas? Please help me. I’m suffering and I know damn well I can’t go through the rest of my life like this. 

TLDR — My baby brother committed suicide last year, and I ended up developing PTSD from it; I have been having extreme flashbacks and my therapist stopped treating me due to my diagnosis. I really need advice on coping skills for flashbacks & how to be vulnerable to another professional.",6.145100133511349,7.2978343097463325,6.400397596795733,75.85593417890522,66.38317757009345,9.356485981308413,34.339145527369816,9.541641789337516,3.34071073965287,3194,145,556,63,50,1025,333,749,0.16699999999999998,0.725,0.107,-0.9947,1,3,1,0,0,2,66.0,3,1,5,12,33,41,3,10,28,0,64,10,2,10,7,100,113,44,5,9,9,5,3,8,3,5,8,5,3,1,29,39,0,6,14,4,1,14,15,23,1,3,26,13,105,18,81,73,11,103,0,7,5,0,44,36,2,6,60,383,134,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992072994650374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588553531379986,0.0,0.04088595887764265,0.04254146362621333,0.05539569760643607,0.0,0.034767871248410305,0.10722148846983363,0.03911174285643297,0.0,0.05070389288552102,0.03574893836298364,0.0,0.0,0.04551355279649165,0.0,0.0,0.048035165191492986,0.03931323351351867,0.0,0.18699796650352535,0.11293072335646262,0.0,0.0,0.053654258801586516,0.04521736201282002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408521038928931,0.0,0.10721062739115823,0.0,0.1146857576649666,0.040820465163276656,0.0565706593387037,0.11232043581466734,0.16486227946551196,0.05270932518416219,0.0,0.051892467633320366,0.0,0.0,0.05859556363277644,0.0,0.044741270856590964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528303154978836,0.0,0.0,0.06753733258548007,0.04624697671466959,0.08615280558818668,0.0,0.09189866224437646,0.0,0.04819764997626207,0.0575316887534858,0.025851167480198584,0.036524884816388895,0.04908959613939872,0.0,0.0,0.08697659483959028,0.0,0.0,0.07900063693368149,0.0,0.0801346842258417,0.0,0.17433870060219595,0.04288260344934909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045211122598318526,0.0,0.04579943088719427,0.0,0.0524706869638867,0.0,0.05762344375998527,0.0,0.10280733566743236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073530537610545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239146625201003,0.12502511636223884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456091521636576,0.14444904310983495,0.1998231667107857,0.0,0.04514576349276544,0.0,0.04293350453519417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825486398749994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300943042724528,0.0,0.0,0.05162333605189619,0.0,0.16323519842514336,0.0,0.03758396617794603,0.11372927650401465,0.03943201984775205,0.04937843153745041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905739398206228,0.0,0.10729762527521468,0.0,0.03464473726300122,0.0,0.05440235410188636,0.11997220218414767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03544477762821067,0.0,0.0,0.056121702264405854,0.0483312043400827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585858664516364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550607486601392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043661874776821034,0.0,0.0406579595236273,0.0,0.0,0.08148263204194706,0.04654377667723535,0.0,0.057758555300516226,0.0,0.21146244196124972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04331943969983448,0.03935978851010581,0.05056555839700277,0.0,0.10856310568986187,0.0,0.0816596081671464,0.12823249149730845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777275162196742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376349453008986,0.0,0.17874776203872492,0.0,0.2338710933953114,0.17808592342943216,0.0,0.032759889185886584,0.05023166832078786,0.08117768915160534,0.05962471473961006,0.0,0.0,0.09770739899266748,0.0,0.06942327071166858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041010710047999034,0.0,0.04596899317919974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879311762793354,0.049284260529092704,0.0,0.03722080587701721,0.0,0.0,0.14527560451602686,0.0,0.0,0.1316955303911741
ptsd,cursing_jerry,2020/02/25,"In the one year anniversary of leaving my ex/the aftermath. Came home and my front door was unlocked and open. Not really handling it well at all I'm kind of losing it so this could be triggering, can't really filter right now

I'm in the one month anniversary and my mental health has really been declining, I feel like I'm relapsing to back where I was. A couple hours ago I came home and my apartment door was unlocked and cracked open. I had been gone for probably two hours. Everything was in its place so it doesn't look like I got robbed or anything. 

There's a chance that I just didn't lock the door when I left cause I can't remember for sure. But my brain is totally running away from me and I'm really freaking the fuck out. All I can think about is whether or not my abusive ex found out where I'm living now, he's just doing this to fuck with my head, he's stalking me, he's going to break into my apartment when I'm sleeping, he's going to hurt me. It's the anniversary so it makes sense for him to lose it and crack it now. 

Really far out stuff like did he somehow convince my landlords to give him a copy of my key? Did people who are maybe in contact with him tell me where I live? Thinking about how I got a three of swords in the future position in a tarot reading I did on the anniversary??

I'm really panicky and paranoid, having trouble breathing flinching at every sound. I need some advice on what to do from people who are outside this situation

Like is it too dramatic to ask to change the locks? Tell my building manager? Should I be so worried and am I safe to sleep cause I'm really scared. I have a protection order against him and haven't spoken to him or seen him in a year. Just need some help to calm down. I have an exam I need to be studying for but I can't think about anything else",2.8248581560283696,4.2945354574468055,4.079382978723405,88.1386666666667,74.74468085106382,7.566524822695036,25.299290780141845,8.238735603445708,1.4502009929078017,1436,48,306,24,30,471,181,376,0.07,0.8740000000000001,0.055,-0.7461,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,24,18,2,1,16,0,34,8,5,5,4,55,64,23,0,5,11,1,1,4,0,1,1,1,6,0,17,20,0,2,6,1,0,7,8,8,1,4,18,4,40,10,46,41,5,51,0,3,2,2,20,28,2,6,18,201,57,3,0.0,0.1086873818876269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963941740599941,0.08131485478942478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097518709038113,0.0,0.0857570071193537,0.0,0.0861852035122575,0.07053622107013302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240321380535168,0.0,0.20983386729870765,0.0,0.18846799961774774,0.09704025885664458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324051210268502,0.10149967775674948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663028842563382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728813935758885,0.0,0.08244277787389064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638243922818743,0.06553333622593087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057936807483024,0.0,0.16960945242434525,0.0,0.08799766235645036,0.104266782689749,0.0,0.14673286927425938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414346378080972,0.097506792341026,0.0,0.0,0.06148600448392485,0.0,0.18402928642454214,0.0,0.1806750208480715,0.0,0.09820096892647816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955247285149568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713090899891308,0.09966705157196147,0.0,0.0,0.17926242390109234,0.0,0.16200201659884414,0.0,0.0770317497839156,0.20524921599451476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123180091099111,0.0,0.09215709141119384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244424809536124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321958163644575,0.0,0.0,0.20405427569001466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431991103755988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271907928766759,0.0,0.0958403823441696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890257646953624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175679191424843,0.0,0.4113609331598073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391443759865883,0.07833859940661661,0.0,0.0,0.09183970268008773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311057538442384,0.18359643134227788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501115661134516,0.0,0.0,0.08645629418110012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603555664610931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763344232461179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896088035020489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247805574538855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931582662197251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814475960653248
ptsd,User5790,2020/02/25,"I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, but not sure I agree Aside from depression and anxiety my only symptom is hyper-arousal. i startle easy and I have a strong reaction to high pitched sounds and bright flashing lights. I experienced abuse as a child, but I don’t have any bad dreams, flashbacks or intrusive memories. I don’t get triggered by any situations, places, etc. and I’m not doing any avoidance. Does anyone else here have PTSD but without having the bad dreams/memories, etc that I mentioned?",5.7732967032967055,7.768750285714281,5.559120879120879,78.36087912087912,68.12087912087911,9.156043956043957,33.879120879120876,9.606745405546679,3.4409076923076936,400,19,69,9,7,124,65,91,0.272,0.562,0.166,-0.9165,0,1,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,2,3,0,9,2,0,1,1,15,11,9,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,4,8,3,6,10,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,40,9,0,0.0,0.21152496716890626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642128692441095,0.0,0.13657245013268374,0.0,0.0,0.12483003173232254,0.1829217192485835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981247038623188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376480006597984,0.18120086016437625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562299334336527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913616430778415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982089625298337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327284140302687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862327868970966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357776132756573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865224221682513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173763579906233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067151029093114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682593183366062,0.1855576159981485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209338479603534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,needguidance32,2020/02/25,"Flashbacks but not complete memories, i need guidance I'm having flashbacks of an event i dont fully remember happening. I remember the beginning of the memory but everytime i try to remember the rest i feel physically sick. Im not going crazy am I, they feel very real but since i dont have the full memory and the flashbacks feel so blurry i cant be sure if im not making it up. My flashes are of me being forced to perform oral on my friends father as a young child. I just turned 18 and these flashes only started happening a month ago, before that i didnt remember anything. Now its in my dreams sometimes and i just dont know what to do, need guidance",3.776691729323311,5.140317233082708,5.566924812030077,78.83925939849628,72.15789473684211,8.929022556390981,30.59323308270677,9.3871,2.9034968421052634,524,23,99,12,10,180,82,133,0.102,0.8190000000000001,0.079,-0.4476,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,8,0,12,1,0,1,1,25,26,9,0,3,9,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,8,1,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,3,16,2,10,23,2,12,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,7,67,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636439027358787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802537640697996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170249884221063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763581922934456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615481607604458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912465960248035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014201450788637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460469938058141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321661592145889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835917996618819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214346146648137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762484046503957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477977234634714,0.0,0.0,0.19467251860993076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983799916918228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494158677676713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5948207226393927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858925889645392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983101067711328,0.0,0.09291474395344224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237219691746415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912482811166803,0.14278585104015432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831285263856473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nottoyapbut,2020/02/25,"Text from my abusive father I'm in a pretty complex situation right now, and I feel like things are moving really quickly. 

My abusive father just texted me. He let me borrow some $ and in return wants me to buy him this Hydroflask mug. 

Well, for the past year I've been playing the fool. I've been pretending that I don't remember any kind of abuse from him. We spend time together, whatever. I just recently started being confident enough again to talk about the sexual, physical, and emotional abuse I experienced at his hands while I was a kid.

I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to pay him back (sorry not sorry). I want to save all my money so that I can move out.

My parents are going to freak out once they find out I went off my medication (I was manipulated into going to the mental hospital and told I was schizophrenic AKA delusional about the abuse).",3.5446867167919787,5.330634684210531,5.182928153717628,79.65855263157897,73.50292397660819,8.862322472848787,25.66457811194653,9.424239791934726,2.311205179615706,685,23,132,17,14,232,108,171,0.162,0.726,0.11199999999999999,-0.9033,1,0,0,0,3,0,21.0,1,0,1,0,10,7,0,0,7,0,13,3,1,1,1,24,24,6,0,4,3,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,4,2,5,5,4,2,1,0,7,3,27,5,22,15,3,25,0,0,0,0,15,9,0,1,12,90,31,1,0.0,0.6764019625964218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764388379516812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779462259069196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284331096022405,0.0,0.11797476757598685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057731030739874324,0.08156766032793186,0.0,0.0,0.10435518332281196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977818624406415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889717595886408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675312952827295,0.0,0.055780833635249334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502073550541556,0.11506298110502428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24270293951864674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159416555589855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677940730773904,0.0,0.10899431631867906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161584706707232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314434105606801,0.0,0.11273544464216485,0.0,0.12933963135942994,0.09750604249622212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833908470917055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25562231846733746,0.08081466077690527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354136984009828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585374292479294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657719118730927,0.0,0.0,0.10910046633444197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693768530269377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026583174760766,0.10584268920358816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352587382311254
ptsd,francessheawentaway,2020/02/25,"Seizure control Hi. I was recently diagnosed a few months back with grand mal and tonic-clinic seizures after abruptly stopping a high dose medication I need for nightmares (not intentionally).
I was also officially diagnosed with narcolepsy and cataplexy. I think I have the aura (the feeling of hitting the lottery, or feeling like I’m in heaven, or feeling like I’m madly in love) and then they downward spiral into someone I love is dying in front of me and I can’t do anything to save them. Then I let out the scream. Then I seize.

The last one was pretty bad and now I need namenda.
So... we’re using topamax. And weed. 

Anyway.. does anyone have any recommendations for strains? I think if I can smoke immediately when I feel my aura, hitting the lottery, I can take 2 puffs and hopefully avoid the downward spiral? Maybe?",3.5149754901960786,6.277012503267976,4.875322712418303,77.14082720588237,77.56209150326798,6.962254901960787,29.82393790849673,8.07648339933343,2.539797712418301,655,31,109,12,16,217,100,153,0.094,0.7190000000000001,0.187,0.9292,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,1,6,13,1,2,9,0,11,6,0,3,0,30,28,16,1,4,4,0,4,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,11,0,3,6,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,3,5,18,8,13,22,1,21,1,0,0,2,5,8,0,4,14,73,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212115945663003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235083112336314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552110591305575,0.0,0.13595661610631252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703896732224093,0.13794635398326086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530096507218224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335376406912594,0.17146550734501625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457942881629074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341475963435485,0.2360570848003257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745571114001379,0.0,0.16409426280811942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346710361244313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894197582078505,0.0,0.1614299211566312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982232303029014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597914584421533,0.0,0.0,0.16643519874076876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187182269960301,0.0,0.0,0.2450074025142595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119529291206377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808150344852665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312837899792607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998484460843574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812586620375786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421997512774227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172425261508768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269140026152966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jaymorrison12,2020/02/25,"trying to deal with being diagnosed (rant) hi im 14 and i have a sad backstory, luckily i can escape this soon enough as my grandparents are getting custody of me. so i currently live with my dad. my mom is scitzophrenic and when i was younger she did something that  caused me to go slightly blind in my left eye (thankfully i have glasses that allow me to see a bit better). my dad is a narcisstic  alcoholic who is abusive. i was diagnosed with deppression and bipolar disorder at age 11 and have attempted suicide 2 times (3 if you count my mom giving me pills and telling me to kill myself then locking me in the room) yes i took a few but not enough to harm me seriously. i am having difficulty dealing with this and dont know how to handle it. im happy that my grandparents are getting custody of me and i even will be able to identify as male at my new school (im ftm trans).",2.5420974576271185,4.54575115819209,4.391041666666666,83.28452860169492,76.96610169491525,8.266807909604521,28.57662429378531,9.017664075816787,2.5552149717514125,693,31,138,17,16,235,112,177,0.105,0.799,0.096,-0.1602,3,0,2,0,0,2,16.0,0,1,0,2,5,7,1,0,5,1,18,7,1,3,0,18,26,15,2,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,7,11,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,3,28,3,19,19,4,15,0,1,3,0,13,6,0,1,7,96,35,1,0.13695832255829016,0.1622732166409356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636679512923545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121128506502779,0.14952301633910453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069392417362198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282396033475669,0.0,0.2780196288932463,0.0,0.0,0.15696610316440954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051413402595446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28302911694010824,0.0,0.0904596803650474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431101415808084,0.13138290277548573,0.07783657091565821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579468109295954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438154715873045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151524091847077,0.0,0.07526871230846947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880561819422564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093670801175775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208078641930198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227520136812315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860913428486396,0.10913805102515964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054372078836145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981017564351276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970761059837075,0.1260928224807238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986149927339359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152165735712484,0.0929857108366735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Am221B,2020/02/26,"My gf has PTSD and is becoming more violent. I need advice. **Trigger warnings** (PTSD, mental illness, sexual abuse, suicide attempt, violence)


This is extremely difficult to write but I really need advice.
Almost nine months ago, my gf (with whom I've been dating for 2 years and have known since 7 years ago) was kidnapped and sexually assaulted and another horrible things I cannot talk about by someone she trusted a lot.
She didn't talk about what happened to anybody but stopped sleeping because developed PTSD and she also has bipolar disorder and it was too much so she just tried to kill herself. I didn't knew what was happening but convinced her to stay alive.


She told me three weeks ago what had happened and last week she told her psychiatrist and psychologist.


Last Saturday she wanted to talk about what happened and stay at my home but I was so anxious I confounded at which hour we were going to see each other and was an hour late and she felt abandoned and angry and lately she cannot control her anger, and when at night we tried to talk I got nervous and started talking about things that happened to me and that made everything worse for her and she was angry and violent but she calmed down and we talked a bit.

On Sunday things were a bit calmer but I was feeling sick with fever and started to have flu, and was feeling dizzy. And my girlfriend wanted to go out, and one of her triggers is feeling trapped, and honestly idk what went wrong but we were talking about a movie and suddenly her face changed, and started to strangle me, I was dizzy already and didn't understand what was happening and when I woke up she was crying over me telling me she didn't knew what happened, she just feel anger and couldn't control herself but I could have died and honestly I don't think is her direct fault but I'm so scared and so is she and what do I do?.


We talked a lot about the incident and concluded I need to set up limits and I need to watch out for my safety and my psychologist agree.


But aside from that, what scares me the most is that she worsened last week when she started talking about what happened for the first time with her psychologist and remembering things, Is this something that is likely to happen often? Also she is also in a mania episode now so is likely feeling more anger aside from the PTSD anger and sometimes is having hallucinations in which I try to poison or harm her.",4.220024975024978,6.328217136363641,4.431298701298704,84.39167332667333,72.44155844155844,7.422444222444223,28.72927072927073,8.222332236545338,2.0457418581418585,1935,78,360,31,39,603,203,462,0.21600000000000005,0.6829999999999999,0.1,-0.9969,0,1,1,0,1,1,36.0,5,0,0,6,23,24,9,3,11,0,44,8,2,6,0,96,83,59,3,8,13,0,6,2,3,0,6,0,1,0,26,48,0,5,13,0,0,3,8,17,0,4,29,8,62,7,45,52,9,50,0,1,2,0,51,12,0,6,34,263,88,0,0.0,0.07130401557591969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761531658830733,0.16003906539363014,0.0,0.0602620471548079,0.0,0.06641064457692968,0.14437889915290947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310446950397948,0.0,0.0679868008469365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03668545563310875,0.0664646004248974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314029721810848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366295708695484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499502758993726,0.04804920796746788,0.0,0.06610541989010457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245782607161913,0.0,0.06897203183993005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408632552875211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214526800338385,0.0,0.05778268827918578,0.0,0.0,0.05118947661465362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840389535417878,0.0,0.048131819050755226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4789565138790365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060365917725426266,0.0,0.11853128005282372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665807730249031,0.0,0.0,0.14716534447163745,0.13577238174856804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880227513087119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232656619221042,0.0,0.05694421534506908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060647758659887474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803547660081965,0.0,0.044239569537072115,0.1784922223652065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564752938902233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04077984361691698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813909935030949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03855314977156635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817274046363989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205022970773078,0.0,0.047956042600935236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978190625934115,0.0,0.060223931116714875,0.0,0.050990716515501175,0.04632986557387432,0.0595200231474702,0.0,0.1703841842409699,0.1282887464443959,0.0,0.05031356720618475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582766594904364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353370361057521,0.05260038290575876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992491938490586,0.038561214875619865,0.0,0.0,0.03509171572476153,0.0,0.0,0.11501003517183325,0.0,0.1225757653249765,0.0,0.0,0.06264999112916868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099200026820933,0.0,0.1448194278121001,0.0,0.0,0.05578789815008885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061329039783236436,0.0,0.06579789611136866,0.0,0.07750849852936331
ptsd,pattiecakess,2020/02/26,"Cut Up And Thrown Away Cut me up

Throw me away.

Child, why wont you come out to play?

Go away.

Go away.

I'm so far from today.

She can't see.

Why he is defeating me.

Child, why don't you come out to play?

But they can't see.

That he is the one defeating me.

Go away.

Go away.

But he sticks around.

And I come to find the memories stay.

She's,

So sad.

So sad.

Too bad.

Too bad.

You left me in times of despair.

You're the ones I needed the most.

And,

You were'nt there.

Now I,

Don't care.

Don't care.

So,

Go away.

Go away.

I'm not ever coming out to play!

So, I was cut up.

And thrown away.

Because that is how I was shown love until this day.

Her heart no longer beats with vitality.

All of the emotional neglect and false hope feels like utter mortality.

She's so far from today.

From today.

I've learned the hard way.

And now I can say.

I forgive but I'll never forget.

And for you to continue to control,

I will not let.

Whatever you chose to be real,

However you feel,

However you deal,

I have to accept.

To tell myself this wasn't make believe.

To be sure you never decieve.

To face you today.

And no longer push my fears away.

Go away.

Go away.

Fear that held my captive.

Cut me up.

And threw me away.

Now it's today.

The day I can finally say.

The memories no longer taunt and tease.

I can breathe.

I'm at ease.

For I have chased fear away.

The day I am actually proud to say.

The fear didn't take my life away.",-2.2473464912280683,-0.7302572697368426,0.3472368421052643,102.07232456140352,110.18421052631578,3.8438596491228068,13.228070175438594,5.857318717115812,-1.0038587719298246,1066,24,267,13,57,357,137,304,0.172,0.731,0.09699999999999999,-0.9699,2,0,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,10,1,5,16,30,5,4,10,0,23,5,3,3,5,45,51,21,1,2,5,0,3,1,0,2,1,3,0,2,6,19,0,3,6,3,0,15,15,17,0,2,6,8,39,13,46,40,2,63,0,6,2,1,28,28,0,2,19,162,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.053777074212300637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049057452944090855,0.0,0.0,0.7766311498181739,0.0,0.09202509853977177,0.033593085204774845,0.0,0.0,0.06208740100011419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123717543520063,0.0,0.0,0.1898812924703225,0.0,0.0,0.06180786616640696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661954104042178,0.056813522150178986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198863961198747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049847984711957116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480455108778736,0.05572812291232121,0.039368884828223226,0.0,0.06036768887373504,0.050367353641711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25055138013851663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049365590852926466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530277859339638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473428716557743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987457529977752,0.05635126091950943,0.038924131933103664,0.02692279276099829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049736766074302614,0.0,0.03678475500741624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086159167730559,0.08500476624275598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468468021556354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627245203630033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147134074887115,0.0,0.0,0.08782725455496887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873737583118505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193826660306533,0.0,0.041434061581379744,0.0,0.048166476721150604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03213368829634339,0.0,0.26117783522619664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043741852695767504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917812926968174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,shootermcwood,2020/02/26,"How to provide support to a friend with PTSD Hi everyone, 

My long time friend just told me today that he has started seeking counselling and has retired from our local volunteer fire department after a specifically brutal call. He has not told me anything beyond that. He has been seeing the psychologist for about a month and says it is helping. 

I am looking for tips on how to show support. Is it as simple as asking if he wants to talk about it and leaving it there? He has a wife and young family and a large friend base. We do not live in the same town anymore. 

Any advice would be great!",5.007065217391304,6.171645826086959,5.407554347826089,81.8965489130435,69.0,7.836956521739133,29.15760869565217,8.07648339933343,1.9531086956521744,470,17,88,6,8,150,80,115,0.051,0.7809999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,7,0,12,0,0,2,0,16,21,10,0,3,4,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,4,6,6,16,16,1,13,0,0,2,0,19,5,0,1,7,60,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131827063869695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922193881600925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386789004539566,0.0,0.0,0.14427139706034464,0.0,0.163898233388728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901880959772973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752342214664395,0.0,0.0,0.16527377346428945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063496885805361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328820632360025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175116512522556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856359605717911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480859942446445,0.15515050561618854,0.14722257840522274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993678747409216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493682191494247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941954421300126,0.0,0.0,0.1397053806151072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409065687644458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397896532640486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091359741232107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222906720141547,0.0,0.16618052818977128,0.3350468442932879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340682717118692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454055001900954,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,fireflynightlight,2020/02/26,"Experience with Prazosin? Hi all, I just started Prazosin last night and I'm having terrible symptoms. It didn't help with the nightmares really the first night and now I can barely make it through my classes. I know online it says the first dose will always do this and then it will get better but do any of you have experience with it? 

I went to a psychiatrist for the first time yesterday and got super hopeful and forgot to really research everything before taking it so I'm thrown off guard by how much it's affecting me.",3.392673267326732,5.953493267326735,4.588603960396039,80.15379702970299,76.72277227722772,7.604356435643562,25.941584158415843,8.548686976883017,2.1644130693069306,424,16,75,9,10,139,71,101,0.036000000000000004,0.846,0.11800000000000001,0.8868,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,5,4,4,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,3,1,18,19,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,4,1,7,3,10,13,2,13,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,11,54,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593936451997528,0.0,0.0,0.13026767914738713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630038391862885,0.0,0.0,0.16941965657004712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216218620045515,0.3747657675914725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888236787180673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008243203161726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532083962549401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283989359125647,0.0,0.0,0.1902627560800481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527661702390438,0.15614733908858022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278680920474637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408189765825477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595330230849342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24543706693692935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233656349476682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558747689983494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910466124688006,0.1440296231175112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170044253585336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757846211870812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,flowerpower931,2020/02/26,"Just looking for someone to talk to My husband has PTSD and it becomes very violent and rage filled and often is directed at me since I’m there. It’s hard to go through and am just looking for
Someone to talk to and maybe help me better help him.",9.421176470588236,5.635984941176474,8.931470588235298,76.44661764705886,62.33333333333334,11.768627450980391,43.147058823529406,8.841846274778883,3.8074235294117638,196,9,41,2,2,63,35,51,0.156,0.708,0.13699999999999998,-0.2862,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,7,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,9,7,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268321368244477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487127830376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380752060295983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763724866404255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32569117481321863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080369393916403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24407791351061103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28399785715156395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097238403499104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117048394405253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39055118874856976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046082308343185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hotheadnchickn,2020/02/26,"Feelings of violation I’m dealing with intense feelings of violation from a recent betrayal. (I also have PTSD, hence being in this sub.) Do any of you lovely folks have advice for handling or getting rid of this feeling? It feels like it’s permeating me.",3.713404255319148,6.572668425531919,5.650468085106382,71.29400000000003,77.51063829787232,7.164255319148936,32.80425531914893,8.238735603445708,3.2222119148936166,204,11,31,4,5,70,38,47,0.18100000000000002,0.6559999999999999,0.163,-0.4543,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,11,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,2,8,10,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28956732686096803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23697260467742826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151252985118429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055001380072965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993273642003226,0.21169607679705635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481863348108107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477041015491604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674466979810051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463904198662153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29258717549049906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hopeforall420,2020/02/26,"Posting more? Hey last year I got diagnosed with ptsd and a couple of years ago with anxiety ,depression and body dysmorphia. Also I have dyslexia ( i hope that explains the terrible writing ) I am starting a healthier way of healing for my self and I am wondering if anyone would be interested just in case it helps in the tiniest of ways ?",6.630714285714286,7.51999996825397,7.4096428571428605,69.99160714285715,65.19047619047619,11.37936507936508,39.55952380952381,11.20814326018867,4.9679238095238105,270,15,45,8,4,90,50,63,0.132,0.746,0.122,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,5,3,1,0,0,12,10,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,8,7,1,11,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,3,5,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229051867119596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249595699014132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745766795759346,0.0,0.0,0.15956668002965108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534850056635382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25250518508018543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655317163232264,0.2316239071135307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182516886419276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296142101320262,0.0,0.0,0.2266596785172003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860180437218278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21855790823738208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667601651750047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23806823814144945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615251169395713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622780082903742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474792672393135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211072946103194,0.0,0.0,0.29391388278292074
ptsd,woodythesnake,2020/02/26,"Anyone else find you surround yourself with toxic people? I just did a lot of thinking and just realized that, out of my three former best friends :

- One tried to kill me by strangling me once we stopped being friend.

- One psychologically abused me and manipulated me for more than six years.

- One disrespected my boundaries and kept insulting me until my self esteem was even lower than it already was.


My initial trauma is not abuse but I’m pretty sure I’ve managed to give myself even worse PTSD by surrounding myself with assholes. You fucking gotta love mental illness.",7.099278779472956,8.619196514563109,6.760221914008322,72.80291262135924,64.4368932038835,8.215811373092926,33.16088765603329,8.418075326091056,2.7873644937586683,463,19,73,6,7,145,80,103,0.21899999999999997,0.61,0.171,-0.5185,1,0,0,0,2,1,11.0,1,2,0,1,4,9,3,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,1,19,12,5,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,5,4,0,15,5,13,6,3,7,0,0,0,2,9,3,1,1,4,53,17,1,0.0,0.4073549572384479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969973193872272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019888932966875,0.17613539933323655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804020653781185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360327446781396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22708121518564786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711663918337118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656243583892653,0.15892196968869382,0.0,0.16490545343781068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018569802414936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614616602904926,0.15514957535852142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323824567216542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830715641344956,0.3494586802423339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917620770130287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488760925279973,0.0,0.0,0.2009459341102809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933278930134972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143718981688815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201696741370314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014878972696712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671115864262878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518430186989592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070018584867708
ptsd,hittindifferent,2020/02/26,"One year anniversary, someone broke into my apartment yesterday and today without touching/stealing anything and I'm kind of losing it One month past the one year anniversary of leaving my abusive ex boyfriend. I've been doing ok but my mental health was kind of on the way down, going into that dreamy disconnected state and feeling anxious and etc. Yesterday I came home and my apartment door was unlocked and cracked open. Nothing was missing or stolen. Decided maybe I just forgot to lock it?

Today I came home and the exact same thing had happened. Kind of freaked out. Made a friend come over to go in and check with me. Had my building manager change the locks. 

I'm really really not doing well. Jumping at every sound, feeling like I need to look around for cameras in my apartment but being scared to, scared to go to sleep. Convinced that my ex or someone else has been stalking me and is doing this to fuck with my head. Having a hard time trusting most people, making wild jumps and thinking about how the people in my life might be plotting against me or plotting with him. 

And at the same time I'm like did I just leave it unlocked twice?? I feel like I'm going kind of crazy, like I can't trust myself at all. I've been so disconnected lately what if I just did it myself

I don't want to get so afraid that I'm non-functional again but it feels like I'm right back where I was a year ago. Not sure what to do or how to calm myself down, because this is a very real situation that my brain is totally running away with. I don't know what's rational and what's irrational and I hate that feeling more than anything like someone (maybe my own damn self) is gaslighting me all over again

Feeling pretty lost and unstable and terrified",4.149590413943353,5.9224196235294135,4.487581699346407,85.31763616557737,71.88235294117648,7.037037037037037,28.47494553376907,7.662118739084242,1.7284814814814815,1392,54,263,17,27,437,177,340,0.177,0.696,0.127,-0.9672,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,2,14,29,3,3,10,1,27,6,3,4,5,67,60,27,0,3,14,2,7,6,1,1,2,1,3,1,17,27,0,1,9,0,1,10,6,11,1,4,16,9,31,18,40,41,9,50,0,4,1,1,5,22,2,7,22,175,48,1,0.0,0.10241115354855253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661927203498171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764676848244487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225702007543364,0.07694533441165953,0.0,0.0,0.08120837908886873,0.06646305800443973,0.0,0.05268987727403252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964898691158831,0.0,0.19771686492395776,0.0,0.0,0.09143660172469814,0.0744559627071251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220521920880729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639769657424943,0.0,0.0,0.07282508208188819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26222431840333416,0.18524720465863256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677934432823263,0.07990761840907377,0.04515863734992378,0.0,0.196491649841996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643404510759952,0.0,0.077428640678442,0.08533651157149941,0.08870708409203734,0.09187619490906546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734023874909426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36003434693987113,0.04750232856159428,0.0,0.09750226633520104,0.18304403442310865,0.0,0.0,0.061051484912793025,0.2533661861309923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258349790218233,0.09669847874644218,0.09435384019255852,0.0,0.0,0.08178673717466144,0.0576959280483302,0.0,0.17367083234846392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710599079627193,0.09169370791619763,0.0,0.0,0.0689914660515386,0.0,0.0,0.06409033994867606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293656182352098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571145717135905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251183676038311,0.11984607222136298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879353079503276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983817729110942,0.11074474583643527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381488258595065,0.0,0.0,0.17307271055159346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901703906879438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971563836093834,0.08649726396298804,0.0,0.2197078827794622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146381543879504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057423468170348664,0.0553839565100103,0.0,0.0,0.10080170263466554,0.0,0.16386024684401146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131779663595876,0.050981509116029125,0.06860795417359301,0.0,0.0,0.07771530314402246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833201030163197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698361263588626
ptsd,ChidiOk,2020/02/26,"What has been the most effective therapy for treating your PTSD? Hi all, I’m new here and just recently found out I have ptsd, I thought it was just anxiety at first but it seems to be trauma related. Over the years I have tried so many therapies but with minimal success. I am curious to hear what type of therapy has been the most effective for others who are experiencing this.",3.334011741682976,5.7674685068493154,4.803170254403135,79.20068493150687,76.26027397260273,10.198825831702543,29.606653620352247,10.290406445055957,3.6737256360078283,303,14,58,11,7,101,54,73,0.062,0.758,0.18100000000000002,0.8942,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,2,1,15,15,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,5,2,9,9,3,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,4,45,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920608984403946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659020626056049,0.0,0.21385276018124616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198257632838058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774130395003808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188372139778547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559857739143218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257979147484672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755830902437678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6691403046359994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484103617353576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242026576384824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560022709632346
ptsd,IleanaS,2020/02/26,Really want to give up on dating I feel so far from being a “normal” person that I just feel like completely disconnecting from people who don’t know about my history with sexual trauma. I went to see a movie that casually drugged a character twice. I felt like I was watching my abuse while everyone was laughing and having a great time. It’s so unfair. I liked the guy but afterwords I couldn’t connect with him at all. I didn’t want to seem like a freak and leave so I just sat there quietly crying for the remainder of the movie. After the date he went in for a kiss and I wanted to vomit. I feel a billion times better than a few months ago and I’m very proud of my progress but there’s so many little reminders. What if I completely flipped out in front of him? I’m just so fucking over this.,2.2365235173824125,4.2383173558282214,3.778061349693253,87.33048670756651,77.89570552147241,7.291451942740286,22.52310838445808,8.238735603445708,1.250250224948875,631,19,131,12,15,209,103,163,0.098,0.7,0.20199999999999999,0.9384,0,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,11,13,1,0,12,0,7,4,0,0,1,25,24,13,0,6,6,0,4,4,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,7,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,3,0,2,7,7,17,10,23,15,2,20,0,0,2,2,7,9,1,2,12,87,23,0,0.0,0.18939635986045786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169756628806976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137452058846345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351998076560971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558794961417468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537549442923928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274372581286064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424752072972969,0.11419702190945635,0.15348126938765572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477789432829896,0.0,0.15334288706827948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623542076228466,0.0,0.15827683943919724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784949493021872,0.0,0.0,0.16925829176151835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123789528919945,0.16021190450101033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206302338064066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275909125015656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661926631258796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108200085430075,0.1395750375958192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240413767602216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737992143316995,0.1455216275610033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641988577631652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189316405576124,0.2828513861683322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29636549214098074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ibroughticecream,2020/02/26,"It hurts so bad ""I dont understand why you cant just be happy.""
""Great now i have to worry about you all night."" 
""I dont understand why this is still happening.""
""What's wrong with you. Why are you like this?""
""Whatever happened before isnt happening now. So why are you acting like it is""
""I'm going to be late for work because I cant leave you like this.""
""I have to leave you having a mental breakdown when you're supposed to be watching our son. 
Just be a mom it's not a big deal.""

I just wish he would have gone instead of sticking around to ""make sure I was okay"". Because now I just feel even worse than originally because i let this happen again. I wish I was stronger",1.0306428571428548,3.037915635714288,2.6385714285714315,93.95642857142859,81.92857142857143,5.7142857142857135,21.42857142857143,6.868970318607317,0.37578571428571417,519,16,117,6,14,170,78,140,0.114,0.72,0.166,0.5431,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,7,0,1,16,10,0,0,3,1,21,0,0,2,2,17,34,3,0,3,5,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,3,2,19,7,11,25,1,14,0,1,1,0,12,2,0,0,12,78,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618917139558567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995982096000009,0.2181455620972695,0.0,0.10150297053503143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297786532186755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796028727960272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878678926239571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031421160649101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779256222100259,0.0,0.0,0.1315124203281864,0.0,0.0,0.4219342460955723,0.1269813774324093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769733800879088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455896904592327,0.2526117339396427,0.0,0.12197726023319636,0.0,0.17483025819972867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962383735410912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021148594613193,0.0,0.0,0.1397054548938073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194113595954684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526136276957374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242494592183802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24836032508256664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305455742690011,0.0,0.27434432431979744,0.0,0.0,0.08684109000299955,0.1211399718334714,0.1215618708242296,0.08473682628407578,0.1304197061598635,0.0,0.0
ptsd,breadfrogs,2020/02/26,ptsd triggers i witnessed a suicide over the summer. i was 17 at the time and a woman jumped five feet infront of me and killed herself. it left a huge emotional impact on me and really had brought bad episodes of depression every now and then. i’m much better since then but for months i couldn’t sleep without a baby night light and sound machine. i sleep with my mom ever since it happened and it’s so embarrassing but if i sleep without someone i will picture the image of it happening. i’m scared to go to loud events because it will trigger my ptsd. since it was the summer the fourth of july was after the incident happened and i cried myself to sleep every firework i heard. if i hear any loud bang till this day i freeze and shake or yell. like a screech because i’m scared. i was at a football game with friends and there were sudden loud bangs of random fireworks because it’s football or whatever and i had to act like i was ok but inside i wanted to cry. and still to this day i was taking a bath earthier and my hairbrush fell on the floor and my heart dropped and i yelped. anyways that’s a lot but i hope someone can relate or give me advice because idk what to do.,3.030271966527195,4.7998430209205045,3.882215481171549,88.51328138075316,74.85774058577405,6.118912133891215,27.01276150627615,6.742157984588678,1.165843347280334,938,36,187,8,20,300,131,239,0.138,0.7659999999999999,0.096,-0.9038,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,13,1,4,15,1,14,6,6,2,1,35,28,27,2,5,11,1,1,2,1,2,0,7,1,1,11,16,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,7,0,1,11,9,26,6,24,14,2,31,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,8,18,124,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739547524660176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473748556550325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176401755602023,0.2679822360991726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719985202999132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414455256818049,0.14175607294234946,0.0,0.0946588835473956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362554789701916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994131256977322,0.1851952343607782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491041801655523,0.0,0.0,0.10542851619123167,0.062460137534597004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29155931910095234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386813289419896,0.13023502101899928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915800511112952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215908602503639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940941473903402,0.0,0.0,0.10738564442871476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343519641265667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871650873076548,0.08772314674456105,0.0,0.08079100125657065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313607450060637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569403403738543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040637158617154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200631999014867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727375125869564,0.0,0.43992758025811024,0.0,0.18624010519022505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776829825259727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202155242028215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263302109321241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640850460092895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482335658882354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188422400568932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,katiefromthepodcast,2020/02/26,"How to tell people you’re having a flashback/episode? I grew up in a very “don’t make your emotions inconvenience the people around you” household, and I’m not sure how to let the people around me and that GENUINELY care, know what’s going on when I can’t breathe and I’m not sure where I am. I internalize SO much, but it’s getting to be too much to just try to be left alone during those times.
I’m just so afraid of getting rejected when asking for help, or for my loved ones to think I’m just wanting attention or milking my trauma. On an intellectual level I understand that that is VERY unlikely, but it’s a huge fear of mine. I don’t want my trauma to be the only aspect of my personality, but it’s effected EVERY aspect of who I am, and I don’t know how to communicate “please help me. I need to talk about this, I’m not ok” without sounding nerdy or weak in my own head. Anyone else deal with this?",4.2134126984127,4.502298661375665,5.661494708994713,82.5249404761905,70.32275132275132,8.628042328042326,27.39021164021164,8.59863814320734,1.7298814814814818,713,22,154,11,12,242,106,189,0.149,0.713,0.138,-0.3252,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,15,11,0,2,7,1,12,5,2,5,2,35,31,17,0,3,13,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,11,7,1,0,6,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,0,1,19,5,25,27,3,16,0,1,0,1,11,11,0,3,3,103,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561356049470721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541065202891596,0.15446521505009586,0.0,0.2684059161543315,0.14093457288749867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370367735506724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542068072767734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593556296200567,0.16957787866787635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701668674690744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964008167887434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752541103194992,0.0,0.0856769317070598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471702317726724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020943610693042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570083312428607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379458444370856,0.15415610580914355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360613063211925,0.0,0.10062941791464797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216429668721141,0.11178212780605122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215476351165824,0.11465515587633295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135413770506545,0.131632515538944,0.0,0.16548254296662618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841675870728804,0.0,0.0,0.12117029729200388,0.13176557828023105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659703022272144,0.0,0.0,0.08790582805457968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235202172149437,0.0,0.0,0.1569401562185677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24877555852538094,0.1778371458886623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453214074327281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Jaden-2005,2020/02/26,Voices Does anyone else hear voices??? I just hear whispering all the time but I can’t make out what they are saying.,1.2433333333333323,3.8593895652173984,2.27826086956522,92.38376811594203,88.13043478260867,4.8057971014492775,12.014492753623188,6.42735559955562,-0.747046376811594,92,1,18,1,3,29,20,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268392001475212,0.3324025149087101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838986151600403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27100792778127114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7312807871125708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655018948946092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25798861281765245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916957006144275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sparklewormlogic,2020/02/26,"Paranoia. Thinking everyone is evil Paranoia has taken on a lot of different forms for me.

At the moment, I suspect that everyone is eventually going to physically hurt me. It’s been like this for a while, but I’ve noticed how much it’s been holding me back recently.

I can’t really form relationships and read into things way too much, seeing them as red flags.

I assume many of you can relate on some level. I haven’t been able to get any therapy yet. I really struggle. PTSD is hard

Thanks for reading",3.286995464852609,5.541387132653064,5.152585034013609,77.51543083900229,75.63265306122447,8.43718820861678,27.21541950113379,9.150863307647796,2.635214058956916,401,16,72,10,9,137,74,98,0.149,0.7929999999999999,0.057999999999999996,-0.7086,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,0,4,5,1,1,3,0,10,0,0,1,0,10,16,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,3,10,2,12,12,6,12,0,1,2,0,3,5,0,3,6,53,15,2,0.18476687911763634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256478137262515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207432506265613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304206305234548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531053420151097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653306836725893,0.0,0.10500727535695292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551483177577728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977967655349181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902677642013188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708219329969048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732461511687706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716498314021006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035831650205825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159825941545664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696337593183412,0.0,0.2367327879781865,0.0,0.182435002686282,0.1983704810981346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472352808082746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931584592441908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010851807842362,0.21129702886420207,0.0,0.12275090445754425,0.11839115557899232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665934845326772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,roasty_mcshitposty,2020/02/26,"I'm just starting therapy. So for context. I served a deployment in Afghanistan, and I immediately went to my local mental health clinic when I noticed everything was different, and I was miserable and borderline suicidal. My therapist pretty much flat out told me the diagnosis, and gave me a talk about the different therapy options regarding PTSD. I am scared, and extremely sad.  I don't know where to begin with this, and I don't know where go from here.  What can I expect moving forward, and does this ever get better?",6.129293233082706,7.9523182000000014,7.09233082706767,68.38631578947367,67.0,11.323308270676687,34.624060150375946,11.20814326018867,4.670037593984962,419,20,67,14,7,140,68,95,0.146,0.7909999999999999,0.063,-0.8357,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,2,4,0,6,2,0,0,1,15,16,9,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,5,0,12,1,8,11,1,13,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655071067308701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910358139874477,0.0,0.0,0.16376449136588514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927575980493434,0.0,0.0,0.1681863008305515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777114471539107,0.0,0.10635403689888001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891744471268627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569075209801596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858966814538305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198896579865042,0.13756692616918068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130562485236868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038518927361894,0.0,0.0,0.2187526598528166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873563732504142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245624188449578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046970564194351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041330276980674,0.0,0.0,0.4280140005167573,0.21728000502656475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881703170665125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347749415861438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,icamefromtwitter,2020/02/26,"I got shot at today I’m not sure if this is the right place for this or not so feel free to remove but I just need to say this. Following an altercation with an aggressive homeowner at work a coworker & I got shot at and ran for our lives. I’ve never been more scared in my entire life but the thing that really sticks out is how high my cognitive function was at the time and how dull I feel now afterwards. I tried talking to a couple friends about it but I’m pretty monotone and not that dramatic of a person so I didn’t feel like they were taking me seriously, partly because my tone was a little matter of fact. I’m still pretty scrambled so I’m sorry if this was hard to read but I’m exercising a little void therapy.",2.344314824248599,4.081047231788084,4.334701986754968,84.67319918492106,76.68211920529801,7.8249617931737125,22.873662761079977,8.617729084823388,1.466363830871115,576,17,120,12,13,197,95,151,0.10099999999999999,0.772,0.128,0.8789,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,1,1,9,8,1,1,10,0,8,2,0,2,3,26,22,15,0,3,11,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,3,2,1,3,5,4,0,0,9,5,12,5,16,13,2,20,0,1,0,0,6,11,0,3,7,78,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996823383232935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125242938832656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378542175329549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519539867681649,0.11866118300441915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832770156262002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26568914168643915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879210919688013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549274878231452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732065977370534,0.08114759797596863,0.3329497354940507,0.14666849000672355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316032900166445,0.1281058146222676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986906747813208,0.0,0.0,0.14503126966076088,0.17353813804545806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379648623083563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661439826548428,0.0,0.10640729432347808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184766739862972,0.0,0.13208861848223047,0.16629410914198478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593426971988095,0.0,0.0,0.1326469030292882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654637374692418,0.0,0.12488580221098347,0.13350411172710588,0.0,0.0,0.1899487209359552,0.0,0.11034881758998756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685368239858906,0.0,0.1574424626844196,0.0,0.0,0.1127703409893612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092207490721282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AvalonsIvy,2020/02/27,"Is this retraumatizing me? Hi, I'm new to reddit, not sure if this is really the right place for this but...I have ptsd related to sexual abuse, I don't really want to get Into details cause I don't want to trigger anyone here. 
The long story short is that my current boyfriend and I have talked about this before and he is aware of what my ptsd is related too even though it's really hard for me to talk to him about everything that has happened.
He's generally very supportive even though he doesn't have a lot of experience with anyone that has ptsd. The problem is that he can be very pushy when it comes to being physically intimate. It took me a very long time and a lot of therapy to be okay with being intimate with him, and I'm not sure he understands how difficult it can be for me sometimes, especially when he's very pushy. He does respect my wishes when I say no but sometimes it could take several (at least 3 or more) no's for him to stop pushing.
I'm not sure how to handle it and I think it's  starting to effect my triggers. I feel like it's a form of retraumatizing me but I'm not really sure how to explain what I mean for me. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated?",4.417295081967211,5.007322491803283,6.026352459016392,79.01854508196723,69.98360655737704,9.87049180327869,27.95491803278689,9.978442167317967,2.5064803278688528,944,31,197,23,16,324,115,244,0.109,0.831,0.06,-0.6946,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,15,10,0,0,7,1,24,0,0,7,4,45,43,18,0,7,9,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,18,10,0,1,6,0,0,3,9,2,0,0,1,3,20,8,28,34,5,18,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,5,11,130,38,0,0.0,0.12296943643284786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014184760838316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057803762203232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513916591000592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831424010870106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661680912777136,0.0,0.08940244744748037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082864674269476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082382626225348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709934571641824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327616285386764,0.10152262102787027,0.0,0.0,0.05247731901544985,0.07414473771756619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542239003524433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177761528394808,0.0,0.09297186857167344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050704596195662636,0.0,0.0,0.1836946845723714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647028817566449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305337774353375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023716361197896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843427819943527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930918349278507,0.3639608331544001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26595187167673306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863267522563201,0.0,0.08253479128449201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172486362443159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052940116709568,0.0,0.07346026357686078,0.0,0.0,0.08676974156782548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777512062488554,0.3912682994798566,0.0,0.07803415417859415,0.16683850771746106,0.0,0.0,0.11868833376673035,0.0,0.0,0.06650187683149658,0.20393843219401103,0.0,0.06051845006598665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531006257402025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804488414083853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425372708373425,0.12243134126054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934877571920925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372659522233795,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,seethingflickers,2020/02/27,"Need it out of my system TW: S*XUAL ASSAULT

So I think watching a crime show today where a woman was sexually harassed and not taken seriously, then hurt badly, triggered me? I am pretty sure it was mostly due to my own trauma including being sexually assaulted and then the DA office not taking me seriously at all is why I got kinda upset. And I will admit, I haven't worked much on that trauma since I'm also bipolar and those symptoms often take precedence over my PTSD. 

But it's been a few hours since the show and now I'm jumpy as *hell*. My poor nephew thinks I'm mad at him for making noise and potentially waking up his baby sister, but I am just startled as fuck when he is making loud noises unintentionally. I hope this goes away soon, I hate feeling so tense when I have no real reason to be. I just needed to get this out of my system. Thank you anyone who reads this.",3.4816233766233746,5.097800409090913,5.3367207792207845,79.1920454545455,73.31818181818181,7.074025974025973,22.23051948051948,7.7094869923839395,1.0538746753246755,696,17,130,9,14,239,122,176,0.22399999999999998,0.69,0.086,-0.9767,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,11,18,7,2,5,0,12,4,1,4,2,31,32,17,0,3,6,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,9,8,0,0,5,3,1,0,4,15,0,0,5,3,20,3,16,24,5,21,1,1,1,1,9,9,2,4,10,91,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144132140774356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602299562270686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693346904794151,0.0,0.15048689697694573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113114166132193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662236067340047,0.09416422250902512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441486704743894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794262040052966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901188185597008,0.17749304686806716,0.0,0.1929429878944225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24061364670990615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249187869678455,0.2672807412164477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336159791695464,0.0,0.0,0.21068255052944146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028161824754008,0.20514443523722248,0.0,0.18530938206905265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981809431884379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986732314290698,0.18733093554633434,0.2710253378903465,0.0,0.0,0.16593418833509355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309718587754324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083966268337053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263210889811644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121165748994493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mao1104,2020/02/27,"Question About the Work World Hi all,

I am a lurker here but really appreciate everyone’s posts and responses. They make me feel not so alone in this. 

I was wondering if anyone had any advice to a question about work:

I have been working at my current job for two years, it’s my first full time job. I am a secretary and struggled with leaving my post often to run away to have a panic attack after getting triggered at work. 

My boss and I eventually worked out a system where I can hand her a note to say I need a break (outside of my scheduled breaks), so I can try to calm myself without going all the way to panic mode. 

This has been pretty effective so far but I am moving cities in a couple of months and will need to find a new job. 

I have to work full time to get health insurance or else I’m really screwed without my medication, but I am wondering if this kind of accommodation can be asked for with a new employer?

I don’t know if I should try to apply for some kind of disability in order to “qualify” this need or if this is a reasonable request to be upfront about with a new employer. Would I wait until hired to disclose I’m a PTSD mess? 

Not sure what to do or even who to ask about this so I came here. 

Thank you all for your time reading this, I hope your day is going as well as it can be. 

P.S. I live in Oregon if that helps.",4.045806451612904,4.418810731182798,5.511630824372761,83.15411290322584,70.72043010752688,8.780645161290323,27.32795698924731,8.841846274778883,1.8502559139784944,1050,33,226,18,18,356,151,279,0.091,0.7809999999999999,0.128,0.889,6,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,1,8,14,13,2,3,15,0,26,4,1,5,4,49,46,22,0,11,15,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,12,9,0,1,9,1,0,5,5,6,1,2,5,3,30,7,44,35,6,39,0,0,0,1,14,13,1,15,14,162,42,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239379791750543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792595526343208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429768221003414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611201076379729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767841830097691,0.10756501068722572,0.08883344523229413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814075153810564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461849247495653,0.0,0.06097734530686862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898493305785703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062449810586161975,0.0,0.0,0.09034719504558096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478076480301099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641757838854497,0.08042473199969889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879762120111957,0.0,0.10747062317141258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050291632682977,0.0,0.0,0.06337530561262185,0.0,0.0,0.09391012649422448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814807830995135,0.0,0.0,0.19691989791858655,0.0519625628540742,0.0,0.0,0.10011548309090808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348995351045302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311329104105039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524982957578218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546942433462636,0.10049237437541872,0.0,0.2103243200133108,0.0,0.2739528120379313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218696242562448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181106767142336,0.0961919995255894,0.0,0.0,0.11052464654980022,0.0,0.21183672704601197,0.0,0.09457623370403864,0.0,0.121143131095616,0.09721381245895737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519046944463559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884486534498277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911286579524716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870495324371979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539972778891418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838736563154218,0.0,0.0923622433298372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504990258345177,0.0,0.0,0.0850123866898108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822868992360884,0.20507228672680106,0.4130039824611779,0.0,0.0,0.06716606680707543,0.0,0.0,0.06088751667504502
ptsd,_MyrnaMinkoff_,2020/02/27,"I’m the person who posted yesterday about husband causing my PTSD I think we are divorcing. He’s been gone since right after I posted and I immediately felt like a giant load had been lifted, even with the subsequent attempts to harass and passive-aggressively threaten me via text message.

I’m not too familiar with C-PTSD. The trigger has been removed, so am I fixed?

(Therapy and medication are not options for me, no healthcare.)

Thank for reading.",5.2775087108013965,7.702549085365857,6.246864111498258,71.14012195121953,70.34146341463415,8.588153310104529,34.88501742160279,9.23628265651192,3.7435066202090574,363,19,56,8,7,120,63,82,0.1,0.838,0.062,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,4,0,8,1,0,2,0,13,14,4,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,1,8,2,7,8,0,8,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,37,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385520486937361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533779244698073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229658791866697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113450077896894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23393539594936005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276396653627946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448016701892665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5429012748462603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23228103165634245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19831306554055966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209328654064453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137953099611656,0.26556173841376435,0.0,0.0,0.14879603966687968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,7777778555,2020/02/27,"Screaming/loud noises? Im not diagnosed but just recently learned about PTSD.


My childhood was horrible, single mom who always was really angry/short temper. Shouting/screaming really loud.

I have seen my mom getting beat by his boyfriend and again the screaming happened.
My mom is really childish and gets mad for the stupidest things even for my siblings. 


Everytime my mom screams/any loud noise is happening like babies crying or just a lot of people talking loudly triggers something in my brain.

Not a flashback really but it feels so unpleasant I need to scream myself sometimes if that makes sense. It hurts to ear loud stuff if that makes sense, it makes me really fucking mad and I want it to stop ASAP.


Not sure if its PTSD related.. the thing is I had to move in back with my mom and my head literally explodes.

I feel like I cant live with my mom anymore, I hate her more every day because of the things she has done. 


Also I cant really sleep if there is ANY noise. Has to be 100% silent. Im on 3 hours of sleep and wanted to at least take a nap but my siblings had some friends over and they are running around the house and screaming.

For sure the reaction is not normal, I cant fucking stand it my head explodes literally",2.3680179761351354,5.040354882845191,3.315778707577873,87.05622811095614,81.76150627615063,6.385929025259569,24.75143344181001,7.662118739084242,1.5260756547342318,983,38,184,17,27,313,137,239,0.22899999999999998,0.725,0.046,-0.9948,0,0,1,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,10,15,6,0,9,0,18,9,6,4,2,40,35,17,0,8,14,6,2,2,1,0,1,8,0,0,13,10,0,1,3,1,0,2,7,10,0,0,6,11,26,5,22,28,5,16,0,1,1,2,13,6,2,7,9,120,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934776643514727,0.07215571223824631,0.0,0.0,0.11794142933017812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600022642738052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719675202947879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666802249560714,0.0,0.0528620405835914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680514818019936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525484497110318,0.05592546274653728,0.0,0.0,0.08801619978996626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874187089527588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057275936462771924,0.0,0.07306303684281708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769371068721518,0.06195083228689177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699754474023828,0.16033743048251028,0.09061238491317744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336758419201207,0.0,0.0,0.08561534722302218,0.1779938660679462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539903932558078,0.10006008229026236,0.09283262697630354,0.0,0.18733905646691174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473135199581032,0.0,0.07657293477210493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372391866860671,0.0,0.0,0.17365334563999338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6093732844995778,0.0,0.09216673030222093,0.0,0.06429975408298752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496450903877488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060118833648071385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273568723231364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333198074297081,0.0,0.08562283870514943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355978470781322,0.0,0.0,0.06675918812871891,0.08576559360811857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249951746975777,0.0,0.0,0.09927052285349393,0.0,0.0,0.16345999423847984,0.0,0.06520059207144806,0.06970005376491471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283329523150484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022961807213187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Royal-Tadpole,2020/02/27,"Any helpful tips? I am F(22) and I have diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression due to traumatic experiences from my childhood/high school. For the past few years, I am have been doing okay with very little problems (i.e., night terrors, disassociation, anxiety attacks, and what I call rage flares (spikes of hostility). For the past few months, I have been going back to several anxiety attacks in a week and night terrors. I am not really into therapy due to mistrust but I have heard that some people have ways of dealing/coping with these situations and I am just curious.",8.325469255663428,8.90645166019418,8.518592233009711,64.56423139158579,61.52427184466018,12.303559870550165,38.52588996763754,11.855464076750405,5.0463346278317145,463,22,74,14,6,152,69,103,0.20199999999999999,0.738,0.06,-0.8777,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,4,2,3,1,12,1,0,0,0,14,14,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,3,1,9,1,13,11,3,15,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,10,52,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274408706297508,0.0,0.3804907447698853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772241397515838,0.0,0.12748363540312752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692919311297625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427962063106602,0.16827515400532886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217616144734684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422328207702507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112672693693196,0.17516810484071366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616690597870232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323334069800711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31116868529483965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165340033947999,0.11493913637365685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586403307190892,0.19380170396360868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062104515269298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779011979249064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729750639337198,0.0,0.0,0.1863568929422064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959733489924105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679557121018454,0.0,0.1315977879777448,0.1329881553900842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676446249859277
ptsd,Complete-Definition,2020/02/27,"Rough night Just had a massive argument with my partner of 10 years. I'm a survivor of domestic and sexual violence. We've rarely had arguments of this magnitude. We were just playing a fps game together on ps4 (we have 2, so in different rooms) and the game went bad and he slammed his fist on his desk really loud. It triggered the hell out of me. Honestly I know I asked him to calm down but I kinda lost the next bit then we were arguing and he was in here not quite yelling but like talking in a heated voice. If that makes sense. I just asked him to please just go to bed. He was angry, I don't know if I said anything to piss him off, I straight up lost time there. I blanked. I might have. Maybe I did. But it just hit me so hard and so fast. He apologized and he hugged me but by then I was literally just crying and saying over and over ""I'm sorry. Please stop yelling at me"" but he wasn't actually yelling. I have worked very hard for many years to handle my shit. And I lost it over a stupid thing tonight. Now I'm here having flashbacks fucking hard. I've been typing this for like half an hour at least. Idk if there's a point in posting. I think I'm just not in a good state and maybe saying it may help idk.

Also I hope I didn't make my partner look like an asshole. He has always been super supportive since the beginning and he didn't mean to trigger me but it happened and neither of us was prepared for it. I can't stop crying.",0.8654718543046371,3.006477844370864,2.39128725165563,94.72746067880794,83.47019867549669,5.8942052980132456,21.68915562913908,7.1686216300943375,0.545234768211921,1127,37,256,16,32,366,159,302,0.19399999999999998,0.653,0.152,-0.9264,1,0,0,0,4,0,31.0,4,0,0,6,16,21,6,0,13,0,23,4,2,4,0,49,48,27,0,4,18,0,4,3,2,2,0,8,2,2,10,17,0,2,4,3,0,2,8,10,0,1,19,13,34,11,32,26,3,37,1,3,1,2,30,19,4,7,17,156,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.11034717548052683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042791060181056,0.09408940808197568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093053018740893,0.0,0.21142410337568726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441485843105094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345117213373508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24842030387500974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118141756487011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453818179822437,0.0,0.0,0.06426446007895019,0.09484391066124882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999392125700747,0.0,0.30388526689139445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757933596614144,0.0,0.0,0.11231131628354783,0.1113584054770678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124288701324805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573163457138404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949564891348052,0.0,0.3703118336820656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096000945633806,0.11464267793884962,0.2272027799921401,0.12317437663803432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995719180148022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025903745866925,0.10611542663947186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482499329598567,0.10689463926777852,0.0,0.10829683743885003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120271673589492,0.0,0.0,0.07244024164367294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756244795139183,0.1798472840056128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607226795613475,0.09353874690594008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658082807182292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907544457284545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831882917597584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088728526951748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751235623660485,0.072455395738474,0.0,0.0,0.06593630823564026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601812117169856,0.0,0.0,0.0933006506590123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482383013399267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232165268391814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563620342756833
ptsd,Fibromarthritis,2020/02/27,"I’m sick of the nightmares. I was drugged and raped over two years ago. I went to the police and we’re not even close to coming to a conclusion. The disposition hearing has been postponed 15 times (literally).

I take antidepressants that make me have weird lucid dreams, and more often then not I have nightmares about the guy who raped me. He’ll show up in places where I can’t get away from him and he knows I’m there. I’ve had nightmares where I leave my group of friends/whoever I’m with, and then the guy shows up when I’m alone.  Occasionally in the nightmare I’ll be at a party or some form of gathering and he’s trying to seduce a girl and nothing I say makes her understand that he’s a serial rapist. Sometimes I’ll just be in a public place and he’ll show up and he’ll harass me about how I went to the police and got him arrested.

It’s exhausting dealing with PTSD all day then going to sleep and dealing with it in my nightmares. I want move on but as long as court is still ongoing, that’s pretty much impossible.",4.298368314150306,4.947331758293842,5.163686526743401,84.88536729857823,70.27962085308057,8.493026404874746,26.91976980365606,8.634040054169528,1.6617675016926197,815,25,175,13,14,266,123,211,0.11199999999999999,0.841,0.047,-0.8316,0,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,11,6,4,0,12,0,10,8,1,3,1,31,30,20,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,3,6,16,0,0,3,4,0,5,3,6,0,1,6,2,17,0,28,19,5,31,0,0,0,4,20,16,0,3,10,106,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918670927084795,0.0,0.0,0.16262297394038355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475232895117897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525683760172247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126342102169576,0.3237566898381907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209067187934197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037087041144006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203526294300686,0.0,0.08923677233653607,0.0,0.12558139142621813,0.0,0.0,0.3109444009863287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697034958830798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862928166711405,0.0,0.0,0.16625906332926427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895571558094466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962105616738946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688495644794207,0.11542606965890845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066270941837814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281001354128891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974344074603886,0.0,0.0,0.18354527834103385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486677020577708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713108741679893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529451144778075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253945309549462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805776262805592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915582783937958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660470535725987,0.0,0.15338346865953315,0.16346095398025007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261310240956172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911139455188477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111424505284408
ptsd,summerspring_,2020/02/27,"Woke up with anxiety, heart racing and I'm still shaking a little I woke up like this. I was trying to remember my dream I was just having so intensely. I don't remember much but the thing I do remember is my ex was in my dream and I think he was trying to have sex with me. 


These past 2 weeks I have been spiraling out of control. The more time passes the more I cant take it anymore.  I dont know what to do with myself. I am fucking losing it. I felt myself starting to dissociate yesterday, idk if I still am or what happened. But I'm losing myself and control and everything around me.",0.9536960600375224,3.1095754390243933,3.449593495934959,87.1827579737336,83.22764227642277,6.711444652908067,22.46966854283928,7.882392219407189,1.257782238899312,461,16,96,9,13,160,72,123,0.105,0.845,0.049,-0.7477,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,4,5,5,1,1,4,0,16,3,1,2,0,22,27,9,0,1,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,2,6,2,0,2,3,4,0,0,8,1,20,1,13,19,3,15,0,2,0,2,2,6,1,2,8,75,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037699696887293,0.0,0.15605498283711802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400803034305279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35297652557914305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442019438783835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142152942457356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108654675314884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547319234806969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391494924671194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864677534450229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647880536804135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687624923079367,0.15771216576704805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520824842115318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567484986000053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502142166043173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347614093126344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137746782366896,0.0,0.25132959277469624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831221497156792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454041049845396,0.10082744447634508,0.0,0.0,0.09175561584951757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136689453779543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262215835602255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mkh4990,2020/02/27,"Social anxiety around straight guys. I don’t know if I’m the only gay man who deals with this, but it seems like every time I’m in a predominantly masculine, straight male environment, my anxiety levels go through the roof. It’s like I think that they’re gonna judge me for not being masculine enough or automatically assume I’m gay based on my voice, mannerisms, interests, etc. Of course, I’m not trying to generalize all straight guys. I think the reason why I think like this is because of trauma. In high school, I dealt with a lot of homophobic bullying back then to the point where it made it harder for me to trust a lot of straight guys in my area. Like I said, I’m not trying to generalize all straight guys. I obviously know that not all straight guys are homophobic. I just don’t understand why I get a borderline anxiety attack when I’m in a predominately straight male environment.",6.8041279069767455,6.989779529069767,7.51451162790698,71.8223488372093,64.75581395348837,11.531162790697675,34.06046511627907,11.20814326018867,3.795026046511627,717,29,139,20,10,239,93,172,0.102,0.703,0.195,0.9306,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,9,0,5,2,0,2,4,29,23,5,0,1,8,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,8,9,3,0,0,9,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,2,14,6,19,19,7,23,0,0,0,2,12,18,0,6,8,75,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28691300603639897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129164196859588,0.0,0.1422248942626419,0.0,0.09613036205671867,0.0,0.07620920750800349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888704542648344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917598807286435,0.13942701030243435,0.0,0.0,0.10533222089893188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653162266193988,0.0,0.07105004647533407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6189324636823015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208733251039653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741215587336444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443079803728489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256997853628104,0.0,0.11829411543947775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508106781301642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818148131345513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285383054350916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189198028981859,0.0,0.0,0.12652388609869075,0.0,0.11381078846976865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274390955536827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403175516428331,0.0,0.0,0.07289842253088019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975668374821953,0.0,0.0,0.13014711394311768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256168085360023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,another1dumb1blonde,2020/02/27,im going to overflow i had a terrible experience and the one year anniversary is coming up very soon and im having these terrible flashbacks and and im shaking and sweating and if i dont yell or tell or vent to someone im gonna mess something up and i know it but i cant do any of those things because literally no one knows. im sorry. im just in so much pain. idk what to do or who to tell or how to say it without literally vomiting on someones lap. i just have to go and i dont know where and i have to talk but i dont know how and someone needs to know but i have no idea who.,-2.0272556390977416,-0.17894870676691355,1.5538759398496254,95.76645300751879,99.97744360902256,4.765263157894737,19.431954887218048,6.508806274219699,0.15943639097744364,454,17,112,7,20,164,70,133,0.17,0.83,0.0,-0.9525,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,12,3,1,2,0,31,22,21,0,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,8,11,0,0,6,0,0,4,7,5,0,2,1,2,9,0,14,20,1,12,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,5,2,75,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325236136421312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566427626442416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279006058994654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787362918681925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053694884802816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243795816579107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160122027735958,0.698127621814411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959967063169865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791855863793544,0.07987199830402338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598586121223178,0.0,0.11462021569461125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856621770736819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738089336832153,0.08292706305086489,0.0,0.12058218580696915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658015346243057,0.18830165879804528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156347050095455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887914990801436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038369141455617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936726520686168
ptsd,CheeseNips1212,2020/02/27,"I'm second guessing my recent diagnosis and experience I've been misdiagnosed alot in my life and I just recently got a diagnosis of ptsd. About 5 or 6 months ago I overdosed on pills in a suicide attempt and I never really got over it. The weird part though is that it's not like, hurting or anything. It should, and in a disconnected way I think it does, but I don't truly feel it. I don't truly feel alot of things anymore. Like sadness and anger and basically all of my emotions have like a wall inbetween them and myself. And I don't get flashbacks or anything but when I think about it my brain immediately says ""think about something else."" Even when I'm typing this my thoughts are like casting away truly thinking about the imagery of what happened. I also have some problems remembering some of the stuff that happened. But what's been affecting me alot is like how I interact with people. I feel so disconnected from people that I used to call my best friends. I have a friend for about 10 years that was my best friend, and now it feels like I dont even know him which is like, something I never thought would happen. I just feel so lonely and like, separated from people I used to like constantly find super important. But it's different on different days as well. I don't get like panic attacks or anything though. I mean I've had them before but it's not like a prevalent thing that's changed due to this. But when I went to my therapist, and he made me describe everything that happened, I felt like, something bubbling up but my brain wouldn't let it through. It was like cut off. But I felt very nervous too and like, it was hard to talk. And I've struggled with depersonalization alot, even before I overdosed, but now it's like constant. I don't feel real most of the time. Another thing that really gets me is how I always feel like my words are cut off. Like I have nothing to say to my friends who I should be enjoying my time with. I used to be pretty confident and like, sure in myself when I talked, but now I feel kinda awkward and like I don't know what to say to people I know very well. And I'm so scared that if I'm not funny or smart or I start being boring they'll leave me and I'm already lonely that would just make it worse. So, this was kind of a rant but. I feel conflicted and I just wanted to have you guys input ur thoughts.",3.898240601503762,5.167125621052634,4.782015037593986,84.95010526315791,71.73684210526315,7.7022556390977455,27.25563909774436,8.146662555663855,1.625342857142857,1870,65,384,27,35,607,199,475,0.223,0.648,0.128,-0.9906,2,4,3,0,0,1,44.0,0,1,3,4,31,48,4,5,15,0,35,4,2,8,4,101,80,50,1,8,25,0,12,19,4,6,2,3,0,1,35,21,0,1,24,0,0,1,13,16,2,1,16,15,58,32,42,54,11,35,0,4,0,0,20,12,0,16,40,259,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052323508795594255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513730763977021,0.047203541092574734,0.0491148497318553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189452413405931,0.0,0.0,0.05853851437208104,0.0,0.0,0.14572155758188854,0.0,0.0,0.06715126519736958,0.05545742245622458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045455773744337,0.0,0.123889524895905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178638693057776,0.0602727459093995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062442303450718675,0.0,0.0,0.1275735440825432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806726610793147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233404425684457,0.0,0.0,0.05165456492615039,0.0,0.06917872152113477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049309140142116216,0.06639696673099245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169595140298225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053049291232070785,0.057739329371730576,0.0,0.0,0.2686105479597468,0.0843372125130591,0.1133495621574429,0.0,0.05394923206913064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824151818475643,0.0,0.0925168679818697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944179091994515,0.0,0.06502444139106334,0.05844560226037535,0.20878806729692712,0.0,0.05287622883860951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318918326382719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146710813900544,0.09731840724755247,0.0,0.0,0.06250063391848609,0.0,0.06035868539690607,0.04169222472330655,0.5479107775632276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585238476251172,0.03940070583453826,0.0,0.0,0.06429725856199661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471144593898057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104988706841374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663760313551485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925498302135716,0.0,0.06392004269780477,0.0,0.1636864158962224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060051260430685885,0.0,0.0564804729948158,0.06899892264123192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718517970112718,0.0756278874614337,0.0,0.11656326924562573,0.0,0.06686561765083265,0.0,0.0,0.14082093577826607,0.05909591185288921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632465364639762,0.0,0.0,0.041779322789884485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061707405816931626,0.06757132126495327,0.06456550686183868,0.0,0.055631860632770834,0.0,0.0,0.09488667108330444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853441813416833,0.11764392673345822,0.15128741678794652,0.11598664601824812,0.14058155259861402,0.0688377562763548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294006055131115,0.0,0.09740623371781117,0.034815410924647204,0.04685255808761455,0.0,0.0,0.10614398282854952,0.05471823843192862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015313594772925,0.08386158910988331,0.0,0.0,0.03801118740502089
ptsd,imperfectburden,2020/02/27,"When being emotionally close to someone in a romantic way hits all your trauma responses and it's traumatizing to debate whether you should retraumatize yourself by telling them your traumas... New to the sub, sorry for the lengthy but self explanatory title.

Why make many trauma when few trauma do trick?

Sometimes I really just wish my life hadn't been the way that it has, and that it were possible for me to experience human relationships without all this pain. I also feel bad for the other people involved who have to witness me suffer if they're going to know more than 3% about me, or know that I'm suffering anyways whether I tell them anything or not. Really wish it could all just go away and that I could go back to being a regular person for once, and that I could experience the simple things like other people. No amount of therapy or awareness can change what's happened, and that's really unfortunate. Feeling lost and confused as always, but intensified by the fact that I'm trying to let someone in but find myself unable to. How am I supposed to deal with this?",10.077865786578656,8.205061594059408,9.753432343234326,65.11131463146317,59.297029702970285,12.542134213421342,39.27612761276127,11.20814326018867,4.405384378437844,870,34,147,18,9,284,129,202,0.203,0.731,0.066,-0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,2,1,9,12,1,1,8,0,15,2,0,2,4,39,30,20,0,7,13,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,18,8,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,11,0,0,4,2,16,1,25,18,6,13,0,3,0,0,14,4,0,5,5,112,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205104589009716,0.10618317329288736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501357183352647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198954110863716,0.09812553520837264,0.10655045534427388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499627840283046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056627222146864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156207927769475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354600824414918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496574966620375,0.0,0.0,0.1290486392518937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663479963981767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175740428250463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284662201102895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402641272822276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049162903319844,0.09013593133095868,0.0623446401762691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930326629330836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518181361302958,0.1293782540085243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324819378431835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590231635272154,0.0,0.0,0.1357878667245047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693979682001632,0.1114256311565168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386303959730232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452540053752004,0.0,0.0,0.13700722927040113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331268544040134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21624999144429968,0.0,0.1262112534983903,0.14285087213001976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230765349194352,0.0,0.1459351225923126,0.0,0.08477955599575353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663998081149575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258448602788054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514972801484863,0.0,0.2934943589326459,0.12301314365563755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Sickly_lips,2020/02/27,"Anyone else who went through trauma as a child know what this is? ( emotional flashback/age regression?) Hi. I got diagnosed with chronic PTSD a little while ago due to childhood and teenage abuse. Yesterday I was triggered by my mothers mood swing, and something strange happened. I've had something similar happen a bit before, but this was the most extreme experience. 

I know emotional flashbacks can make you feel like you're the age it happened at- but it stayed for literal hours. It wasn't until I woke up this morning that I stopped feeling like it. I felt like I was partly stuck somewhere between the ages of 8-11 (the years where some of my most prominent childhood trauma comes from). Watching the type of videos that usually interest and relax me these days ( slasher and horror movie analysis, and m rated game content) gave me a terrified, uncomfortable feeling I hadn't felt since I was a kid, and the only things I could watch that calmed me were old minecraft videos that came out when i was around 9 to 11 years old.

It felt hard to speak, and my voice, as high as it is, still felt.. too mature. I was having a hard time messaging my girlfriend, and when she sent me vulgar jokes I usually love, I felt uncomfortable. swears felt wrong, and I swear like a damn sailor.

I guess my question is, has anyone felt this? I'm seeing my therapist on Friday, but I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced it. Is it age regression, or just a long emotional flashback? I feel so weird about it...

Is this normal for PTSD stemming from childhood?",4.914927034752523,6.889815865051907,4.907666616518732,82.25708289453891,70.28027681660899,8.071069655483678,30.55829697607944,8.716276077567194,2.5207140364074023,1231,52,222,22,23,382,166,289,0.146,0.695,0.159,0.6221,0,0,2,0,1,0,45.0,0,1,0,0,9,15,1,0,14,0,20,3,0,2,0,44,51,22,0,3,6,1,13,4,1,0,2,2,0,2,22,14,0,1,15,5,0,4,2,5,0,0,24,19,29,9,24,26,5,38,0,0,3,1,15,8,1,8,29,135,51,1,0.0,0.10078531631001124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540289607056748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843332257441796,0.17431344943519833,0.0,0.07572378201542393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238203965335993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286636950513304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728899675823688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327393054943347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791559471556875,0.0,0.0,0.054858364358559314,0.0,0.0,0.08633678686606272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211783785333995,0.2870520553988254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320758206046487,0.0,0.0,0.17204090217854126,0.1215375309566208,0.5717143035909283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803236211068077,0.0,0.09370608564137234,0.0,0.22566182918848596,0.0,0.15239883102246882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987334715430363,0.0,0.0,0.08376956372137867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934964023673968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622923270017312,0.08525510988521809,0.0,0.07527775773455837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767723517292041,0.0,0.05677997128890652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334332458757908,0.0,0.0,0.17851785870118447,0.0,0.0,0.0646939691562665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211454750096272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988673432900974,0.0,0.09528962189426264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778390927177866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036469304482522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309707488070316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066545400691134,0.06793113246908047,0.07111617409767368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876427874926152,0.056511836871583135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049600708187541226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736895607165546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885391749558382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224680222209164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300264113536237,0.0,0.10955509977805576
ptsd,louied862,2020/02/28,"Undiagnosed but I think I have PTSD 5 years ago I slit my hand on glass and I severed 3 arteries.....I was bleeding out but my one buddy grabbed my hand, wrapped it, and rushed me to the hospital where I got emergency surgery.....I never gave a flying fuck about it and I thought it was no big deal.....a month later (when I was still in a cast for my hand) I was in a car accident where I flipped over, split my head open and was knocked unconscious.....I also didn't give a fuck about it.....I was 19 at the time but now that I'm 24 I realize how big of a deal it was. I could of died twice in one month.....Here's what concerns me. A few months ago when I was walking in my backyard I stared at my hand...for a split second everything went dark and It felt like my hand was split open. I think this was a flashback? I didn't panic because it was very quick, but I'm concerned it might happen again, or idk, maybe my brain just repressed it. I also have severe anxiety and depression all the time and I think it might be related to that to some degree. I never talked to a therapist about it",1.1652819548872202,2.9045613552631586,2.8249874686716794,94.14657894736843,80.1842105263158,6.448120300751881,22.69924812030075,7.447530270364453,0.6979458646616545,831,27,195,12,21,274,119,228,0.145,0.737,0.11800000000000001,-0.6482,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,0,15,6,2,2,12,0,19,9,6,1,3,31,33,17,1,1,6,0,6,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,14,10,0,1,6,0,0,4,5,5,0,4,18,7,29,1,19,11,3,35,0,1,1,2,4,15,2,4,17,127,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23487428040060115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189132765905472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134822991079324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075968800306631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789352582333393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577595336569963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27316587894413397,0.11410639769685628,0.0,0.13749521328941722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906611760853175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720332341174295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449546161674324,0.0,0.12708863390600514,0.0,0.0,0.10595781413849754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715323616333816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359645686338571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472392548334285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309579525825835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810845508196293,0.0,0.0,0.31723717503944626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435629412099326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954622018344374,0.0,0.0,0.15543887131922202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548641583564889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993334949761352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580015282530454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648386883495962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382160440367953,0.0,0.2546670032003384,0.0,0.10517576695525112,0.15450242961498592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093113763661147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281197469663875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531394868608676
ptsd,clairedobbington,2020/02/28,"What the heck do you tell yourself in the face of fear and paranoia?! Aka HOW DO YOU GET YOURSELF TO NOT ACT CRAZY AND CHOOSE TO BE LOVE INSTEAD Sometimes the threats can feel so loud and so real. 

I’m wondering what people do or say in those moments.

What works for me is:

Warheads
Doing as many pushups as I can until I almost pass out (this is super helpful for when my arousal spikes and I am somewhere where I need to think level headed, it pulls the body back into the present) 
Asking myself - in the face of everything who do I want to be.
Reminding myself - trust is something you DO.
There’s an action to it. Do trust. 
And reminding myself to be silly about it if I can be, to make myself laugh somehow. And the cure for my terrible awful disease is cute things and warheads so ya know what that is pretty silly feeling mostly because it works.

Then when I’m present I ask myself sweetly, “what’s the next best thing I can do?” 

This is what I do in moments of high distress or when I’ve been triggered and I’m three years into this thang. 

Curious to see what tools or words of encouragement others keep in their belt! Please let me know!

We got this!! In every moment is a choice to be present, and because of what we have we have the ability to cherish those moments even more. 

Thanks for reading fam

C",2.7771314342828606,4.728313,3.5743494919207066,89.64799100449775,76.08812260536399,5.765184074629352,25.52407129768449,6.498293943080001,0.8857281692487087,1027,37,205,8,23,326,143,261,0.053,0.743,0.204,0.9908,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,3,4,1,4,14,17,1,2,11,1,30,6,5,3,0,38,50,24,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,23,15,0,1,7,1,0,4,1,4,0,1,2,6,26,13,32,42,3,31,0,0,1,2,16,12,1,8,15,154,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953014888975325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297874524548698,0.0,0.0,0.12250277860959753,0.0,0.19423290364510465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719041401599824,0.0,0.0,0.1769621508223139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522552029149172,0.0,0.13422907665349038,0.0,0.1431813217751446,0.0,0.0,0.17927275628398806,0.1611080831363012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323508908090378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127418111764048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350232158899305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678494368721307,0.1683241892099218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160577255342355,0.0,0.0,0.1751098253358317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629095536438476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378727695954527,0.0,0.1063434592478084,0.16151958380707188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812945358641255,0.0,0.0,0.16943244896742712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044840015924896,0.0,0.0,0.1748791400057725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207980621484758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593573031736684,0.18133442709395645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669303868195356,0.0,0.0,0.12695278334367324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264784722722025,0.15756580804905365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924762454645948,0.14667510206772233,0.0,0.0,0.21168253822439487,0.1020821004416642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396763724002744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276944369928313,0.2319652562008218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259311535539194
ptsd,CottonPlant99,2020/02/28,"Weird, yet not uncomfortable dreams? Hi. This is a bit of a... weird subject.
I was molested and groomed by my older brothers friend at age 12. (He was about 20.) I kept it a secret until age 17 because I did not understand consent and believed it to be my fault. I was stuck with extreme shame for 5 years. 

A year ago I finally came out and told my parents. It's been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster, but I seem to be healing. I have actively searched for media that depicts pedophilia to de-sensitise myself to the subject. It was very hard at the beginning, but I recently made it trough two different translations of Lolita. It was a very good, healthy experience, and I had so many positive feelings about the book that I made it the subject of my finals project.

Ever since I got trough the book, just a few months back, I've been having dreams about the man that abused me. I've not seen him for six years, yet the image of him is clear as day in my dreams. Here's the thing, though - They're not nightmares. I used to have nightmares about him, but not anymore. Back before I used to cry whenever I dreamed about him, but nowadays it just feels... neutral? He appears in my dreams at least a couple of times a week, but it's rarely scary anymore. He's just... there. Sometimes acting abusive, sometimes not. But I never wake up feeling uncomfortable or crying. I just feel... nothing about it. It just feels like any other nonsense dream.

Is this normal? Is this a sign of healing? I still have other problems regarding my trauma. If somebody brings up child molestation without me being prepared I still break out crying. During film/media studies today we saw a news report about a convicted pedophile, and I started crying in the middle of the classroom. It felt very emberassing. I'm not fully healed, but I hope the dreams are a sign that I'm making progress. Could it be so, do you guys think? Has anyone else experienced this as part of their healing process?",3.7945008912655993,6.0040846711229925,4.226791443850272,84.94450089126562,73.94652406417111,6.886274509803924,28.713012477718358,7.793537801064563,1.911724777183602,1553,65,286,22,33,488,204,374,0.177,0.713,0.109,-0.9748,2,0,0,0,1,0,65.0,1,1,1,1,24,12,2,1,24,0,25,5,1,5,3,60,53,20,0,5,22,2,7,1,1,0,4,0,0,3,24,10,0,1,10,9,0,4,9,8,0,2,19,10,37,4,41,29,5,42,0,0,2,0,19,11,0,6,27,196,61,5,0.0,0.23134933995530654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654241944821663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639122245678745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364391957944024,0.06826462576593181,0.10003268072335264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501416991016377,0.0,0.05951387083973444,0.0,0.08307528175490915,0.1099947069872102,0.0,0.0,0.10658583053394666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166182738217152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794899388810175,0.1080248831413498,0.4289644877786907,0.06296277498570364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200176327419663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155669195429102,0.10981974025042203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831122553003261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550011794254501,0.0,0.0,0.2468213539280188,0.06974633953651359,0.09373936857735264,0.2138960929979768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542809888212185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188676392610926,0.07808301172312236,0.0,0.0,0.09666828433621673,0.0,0.0,0.08745661138413836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696785147956888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769670904758832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475827101669726,0.06516826736924647,0.09898071303454986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792671784526535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529767879453549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565591416962203,0.09367787673115828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840570334828577,0.10572293933710968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093417985472767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639708394479607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887798189538731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807599057485969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193115604472942,0.0,0.06910246962354076,0.0,0.15593365417237046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486052055285382,0.06255686679981444,0.09592022019505936,0.0,0.05692838758974845,0.0,0.09254109205571844,0.09328891055550144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536956905364473,0.10163546876617853,0.0,0.1686406126721341,0.0,0.2416630114068622,0.0,0.0,0.07831227728766989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411109127237324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861006456855256
ptsd,lyricalcombat,2020/02/28,"I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with my diagnosis. I was diagnosed with PTSD just over two weeks ago. This diagnosis really hit me like a train because not only did it explain why I've been experiencing the things that I have for the last 5 months but also I can't stop beating myself up over it because I feel like it's my fault that I experienced my trauma and if I did something sooner I wouldn't be in this position right now.


I've been feeling mixed emotions. I've had 0 support since. 90% of the time I just cry because I feel like I'm living in hell. I haven't slept for more than 2 hours since October because my nightmares frighten me so much I'd rather not even get into bed most nights. I'm constantly trying to stay busy and I've even picked up OCD traits from trying to be so avoidant all the time. 


I feel like an absolute fucking mess and I don't know where else to talk about how I'm feeling. When it comes to my family and friends, ignorance is bliss springs to mind.


How do you cope with this disorder? Because at this point I'd rather not be alive.",3.711013513513514,4.791608963963963,4.757286036036035,85.66809121621623,71.97297297297297,8.072522522522524,27.388513513513516,8.472884824447931,1.7370621621621614,858,30,182,14,16,281,133,222,0.152,0.7040000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.6037,0,1,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,15,14,2,1,7,0,17,3,1,3,1,36,35,12,0,4,9,0,5,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,11,10,0,3,7,0,0,2,7,8,0,1,7,7,21,6,23,23,5,29,1,0,0,1,4,11,2,2,19,107,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067155091513073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984210198535516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805354893467744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509358282377045,0.0,0.13491795852712082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371413159369461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671961690375882,0.0,0.0,0.14308834623693045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429573894094486,0.14043888594868106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492383774092212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176969995686172,0.0,0.31563829867884674,0.26757752844353794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645841587383866,0.11542135319726095,0.06522871204581794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295161087516406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861402143825529,0.1017690079205113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439806419788336,0.0,0.11024439799346818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260624068605641,0.0,0.0996536817048628,0.0,0.09177874965296597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716280049210262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495367253107896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180231347206158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459423871974972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998178821005017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066207929080252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065535971363736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961152465644355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330729578341223,0.0,0.10437977442105373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416777358225573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034930083709732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294446178549686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840224663784716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952923362503197,0.0,0.1219598225306147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014674004241504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265725684404815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Skullvapor,2020/02/28,"Memory I remember two instances where I saw people have their ribs broken (and shoulder of something) : 
 The first time it was this girl De on a girl Natasha. Some how out of all the girls I’d been in a fight with, I hadn’t been in a fight with De though she’d really been vying for it. Actually, her reasoning for not doing anything to me was that she had a baby and was over 16 and she didn’t want to go to jail and have her baby taken from her. She was trying to be on her best behavior. I’m not sure what Natasha did I was 13 at the time I remember standing to the side by the hall watching it happen. The only thing I really remember was De was on top of Natasha and our rooms were locked so I guess that’s why I was standing there watching it. I remember it took more than a couple of moments for a staff to come out, and the only one who could stop De, like a 6 foot man, came out but he took a while to pull De off Natasha. Natasha was still trying to fight !!! Screaming or something I can’t remember. Dalm tho de went to jail and it was a big thing cause she couldn’t see her baby again. Natasha got moved to another hall cause everyone was mad at her for pushing De over the edge and making De go to jail and lose her baby. She spent a long long time in the hospital and I feel bad cause she wanted to go back home but her parents wouldn’t take her out. I wish my parents took me out :( But I am glad I never fought De and this was one of things that made me get more serious about protecting myself. I’d been in fights but I’d never been hurt severely. The most was one time I was just standing there and a girl came and pushed my across the room randomly it was unexpected so I couldn’t defend myself. But a staff was there who pulled me out. I think it was over gum? I’m not sure. 
   The second time I guess I never learned my lesson cause this girl was clearly getting angry and I’m standing there talking back to her and she gets all up in my face but I’m silly and I say “I don’t really want to fight now” and it works she just lets me know not to get in her way she doesn’t want to get in trouble. You see no staff could have pulled her off me and I know this cause she broke the ribs of a staff member and the other staff there: these skinny white girls who I loved but you know can’t fight come running out of the office over to her and they are too late. And to be honest I hated the staff member that was beat up so I didn’t care much because she really should’ve learned to treat us with respect like humans. But I wasn’t there when it happened I just heard the screaming screaming and then the cop car came and that girl went to jail. Everyone hated that staff member so much we all lied about her age saying she wasn’t over 16 to the police. I’m not sure what happened to that girl I look her up sometimes. I think she was autistic like me.",1.3320646034361054,3.119425497528834,2.653466403859735,95.34449238056013,79.85667215815486,5.785467168745588,19.735496587432337,6.7097532225279775,0.007328571428570906,2235,54,517,22,56,721,229,607,0.134,0.772,0.09300000000000001,-0.9821,2,0,2,0,6,0,38.0,3,2,2,7,28,33,10,0,32,0,52,7,6,9,10,105,107,42,0,10,17,2,1,3,0,1,0,6,3,10,31,39,1,2,15,0,1,21,21,19,0,6,48,14,78,14,71,50,10,87,0,3,7,1,64,38,0,6,26,346,109,10,0.0,0.0,0.06523748189322448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009969254927889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501314010787856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280945067055333,0.05581826259281095,0.04075209222302334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701565908033228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293811353418869,0.06815962375442941,0.3433748508162417,0.0,0.11517340391643427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675106635809542,0.07396998276271505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775906633869807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03380215884452456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686390521386814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746359119778337,0.0,0.11397985129718728,0.0,0.05346730182214265,0.0,0.14728906679464598,0.0,0.1773498487576891,0.0,0.0,0.13200415599626952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705756828746644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156598069386946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021961187815224,0.0,0.07541147475027701,0.0,0.0,0.06836025235184677,0.0,0.09798089042517592,0.0,0.0,0.11832305886247844,0.05613847580239346,0.07478979886793506,0.0,0.0,0.06033614553648745,0.06325656517717093,0.04462393731703077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105263156141765,0.09828718147660316,0.0,0.15468013962717025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135901047369075,0.10168725199701506,0.0,0.0,0.14846149840421854,0.0,0.0,0.046346456287336066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713072919896855,0.06873454072766573,0.0,0.0,0.3786489439105083,0.0,0.0,0.10632609201612296,0.0,0.0,0.10654408058984433,0.0,0.0,0.07552323748603511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293119831625253,0.06611790505426103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053387744452195886,0.055890899962143185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890204205070671,0.0,0.05026405548778868,0.05373275393116718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323962353185398,0.08567156426018822,0.06568132108173941,0.0,0.1949084195357472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282363836183605,0.09077564585428248,0.0,0.0653042629979513,0.0,0.08041419889949981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577231353460937,0.05306365891068704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394413704864747,0.06032313738177749,0.0,0.07687599805875228,0.0,0.0,0.048668733957174616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,fuckmoni,2020/02/28,"tw: suicide, abuse. i'm feeling a lot of mixed emotions and i'd just like some support. my mom committed suicide on October 3rd, 2019. for the first few months i was devastated, my life felt so incorrect and i missed her every day. but as time passed and i've had more conversations about her with my dad, my best friend with similar trauma and my psychologist, i've started getting very angry. 

i've realized how much of my childhood and adolescence was broken and fucked up, how much of my life would be different and better if she didn't do the things she did, how much she's subjected me to and never apologized for before she died. 

she spent the entire duration of my life on prescription pills and in bed. she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and rhumatoid arthritis, but she never at any point pursued physical therapy or exercise, she just slept and watched CNN in bed every day for almost 2 decades, while my dad worked from home and parented me and my older brother. 3 years ago when he got promoted and we had to move 1500 miles away, he had to start working in an office building, leaving my mom in charge of me and my brother. she couldn't handle it. she failed to do the bare minimum of parenting, helping us with homework, taking us to school when we missed the bus, any time we needed help and dad wasn't around she was completely incompetent and ended up verbally abusive. 

i became somewhat of a delinquent, doing a lot of drugs, sneaking out, hooking up, stealing money and cell phones. she was horrible about it, but seemed to take my struggles as an opportunity to pin the family's problems onto me. she never guided me towards a better life because she didn't really want me to do better than her, just like she resented my dad being better than her, verbally abusing him for his accomplishments and calling him a ""narcissist piece of shit"" for being proud of himself. she was glad in some fucked up way that i was doing so poorly, she didn't have to take responsibility for her own problems, because my problems were ""worse"". 

2 days before she died, she took us to a new family psychiatrist, looking to prove what a shitty daughter i am. the psychiatrist analyzed our situation and told her in plain english that she had fucked me up BAD and the problems our family had been going through were absolutely her fault. she was really upset about this, screamed at us all that night about how we don't love or care about her, how she was going to move back up north and never speak to us again, and my poor defeated dad just said ""do it."" she took this as a sign that she wasn't wanted anymore. the next day while i was at school, she had another very similar blowup, took a bunch of pills immediately afterwards, and was asleep and snoring by the time i came home. she never woke up. 

when your abuser is your mom and she committed suicide, how do you handle the endless cycle of anger and guilt when you think about her? i hate how she fucked me up, was aware that she fucked me up, and killed herself to avoid any consequences for her actions. but i also feel so guilty being angry at her, she was so miserable and self loathing already, and i'm such an asshole for hating her. sorry for the rambling, i really hope someone out there understands what this feels like.",9.028361653844025,7.436146703049762,8.698388221619528,70.96258426966293,61.102728731942214,12.060198151325624,37.534122986660755,10.92457919387057,3.9775592959539487,2608,100,476,54,29,840,288,623,0.27899999999999997,0.638,0.084,-0.9995,3,1,1,0,2,3,70.0,11,4,0,14,31,45,11,5,24,0,45,18,3,7,9,95,89,58,6,11,11,13,4,3,1,1,9,3,5,1,14,42,0,1,9,1,4,10,12,29,0,1,39,9,97,16,80,44,15,74,0,5,2,6,90,30,6,11,36,344,111,8,0.0,0.2731673459649982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109278253965626,0.0,0.05771632688123021,0.0,0.06360518189746668,0.046093244043826885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758784812653465,0.06043867345232925,0.0,0.0,0.057161601999809276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513102139203454,0.0,0.0,0.05415298191936847,0.044320214475425994,0.04812548561681202,0.07027141788489487,0.0,0.09809171807737607,0.0,0.06048773008683232,0.20390519968112333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588550418483442,0.0659227405565155,0.05876598160301004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043255127293432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868747099739915,0.0,0.0,0.058501555064835814,0.11963869387244955,0.060219646537018785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684200775755895,0.0,0.0,0.06483521194520954,0.05105033320889185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712533109277584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300848288845735,0.0,0.08743081029714153,0.04117673831627032,0.05534170646792636,0.0,0.0,0.04902701956972468,0.0,0.0,0.04453112679464564,0.2664279144268441,0.030113578171996083,0.0,0.06551422944642299,0.0,0.046098530217289095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381157018627945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726733484219571,0.0,0.11563161905123492,0.05724773331473335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637681234100543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610305266388549,0.0,0.0,0.1628462479230175,0.08447733257621226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04840156759242803,0.0,0.0,0.0980038651493482,0.05202072170128927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202515473533634,0.046006257674361103,0.122520560096618,0.12711211668235808,0.042737991564254264,0.22227064790418027,0.05566732829156354,0.061298874707685386,0.0540895418721535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800078996050274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544867249719237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22060787518929065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077351166649936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482712284713193,0.0,0.0,0.1166658618189699,0.0,0.05247164836039382,0.06012920823407896,0.0,0.059164779303387614,0.0,0.06478774658453115,0.0,0.0,0.04883665592634962,0.0,0.0,0.06452124085091276,0.08159322274416783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025595643456313,0.0,0.18914049215669435,0.06540714110570155,0.0,0.0,0.13001024935511513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591429966780965,0.0,0.038292255903462094,0.03693222828924534,0.0,0.0,0.10082788576982253,0.0,0.0,0.05507576574313003,0.19211446764825285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600033941400675,0.3466582613611989,0.0,0.0,0.09511509514381253,0.06799300201180516,0.04575051667786218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392258544951987,0.0,0.058738245289744334,0.040944520297366366,0.0,0.0,0.03711710810041054
ptsd,zer0hash,2020/02/28,"My anchor, my support my wife So she's put up with a lot of shit.  I'm surprised she hasn't left me yet.  Here's to all the significant others that put up with us.  Who hold onto us and support us, and love us.  Here's to those that are there for us in our darkest times, and are there to see us smile when we can.

 Mistakes have been made,

Regrets so strong,

Her love remains,

and he tags along.

Drinking is done,

Her love awaits,

His pain still continues,

Suffering never abates.

Where is the light,

in this dark empty hole,

Not much more fight,

In this battered old soul.

She doesn't care,

she still loves on,

Thank god for her,

His beloved white swan.",2.5735530881332416,4.246716015267179,2.7461485079805685,96.58544066620405,75.87022900763358,5.6796668979875085,21.832755031228317,6.1124844417494595,0.000780152671755463,502,13,114,3,11,152,92,131,0.135,0.603,0.261,0.9644,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,8,0,0,1,11,16,2,0,3,0,10,7,1,1,2,16,21,7,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,0,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,3,3,21,10,16,18,4,19,1,2,2,4,25,9,1,1,8,78,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810035677134043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850119214705116,0.0,0.10386490747136737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519732852373815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013933315352153,0.3827696515579989,0.1003241638835682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794115341621012,0.0,0.08177362372862387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112562286957066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281891344788984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131704022418851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448882556286226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088339474051468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693446619744428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406336147563843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761430026679592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182448942342684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7652158076901842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throw-itawaysbaby,2020/02/28,"Relationships are hard. My boyfriend has a hard time understanding and I don’t even know what to say to him most of the time. He said that he misses talking to me and I feel heartbroken. I want to tell him things but I feel like I can’t really trust him. I don’t even know why, it’s like I know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me but I don’t KNOW, ya know? 

I’m at a loss. I don’t want to lose him but I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am doomed and worthless and I’m wasting his time.",-2.392576782925559,-0.6351396902654862,0.36872462259240096,104.25814679854244,100.76991150442478,4.0747527329515885,13.726704841228528,5.900188976854957,-1.1699834461218113,377,8,104,4,17,128,54,113,0.254,0.603,0.142,-0.9268,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,2,10,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,0,0,21,28,7,0,3,3,0,5,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,10,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,1,7,21,4,9,26,1,4,1,6,0,0,14,1,0,1,6,60,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584800861821994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180695476162124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250410499583596,0.23586851312385385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29576119732029976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672316001245336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5443468507690491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419514468870308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468397225176994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575543603284476,0.0,0.0,0.1772357509388305,0.0,0.0,0.15703030975260635,0.13127943466073236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326862564981364,0.14428850723361025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967281326091452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887810505446554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185566337839334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473869159052315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489603769362763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,th3_unloved1,2020/02/28,"I would like to apply for medical marijuana but I don't know how it'll effect my future Hello, a little less than a year ago my therapist and I discovered I suffer from complex ptsd-like symptoms. I pay out of pocket so she doesn't have to report this to the government so I don't effect my future career options. 

I've noticed that marijuana has had a positive impact on my life, but I am not old enough in my state to buy from a dispensary recreationally and I would like that bit of control, unfortunately I can't find how a proper diagnosis would impact all the facets of my life. 

I want to help myself, I don't know what to do. I would like to have this in my control but I don't want to impact my future. This whole thing is terrifying, I can't tell people much about it without weirding them out or them blatantly not believing me and I feel this is the only place I can speak freely.

Since I've started using marijuana I've noticed a significant positive impact on my life, although this is difficult for me to talk about with my friends because I feel like I'm a dumb college kid using a non-diagnosis as an excuse for abusive behavior. I brought this up to one of my closer friends (I hesitate to say this because I have *deep* trust issues yay me) and he said I should get the card but I just want all of the facts.

So, to those of you who have received a proper diagnosis and use marijuana medically, what are all of the impacts you have noticed on your life? How does this effect employment? Should I tell my parents about this? I'm so lost with this right now and I would love any advice.",2.8820807453416144,4.7988453136646,4.7260559006211205,81.66187888198759,75.67701863354037,7.705590062111804,26.096273291925463,8.527137837955566,1.90444596273292,1269,47,250,25,28,432,153,322,0.10099999999999999,0.723,0.17600000000000002,0.9743,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,2,6,12,14,1,0,16,1,29,8,0,11,5,52,47,20,0,10,9,1,2,4,2,8,7,3,0,1,19,10,0,2,9,0,2,2,10,5,0,1,4,5,46,9,40,35,8,24,0,2,0,1,23,13,1,2,12,180,65,6,0.0,0.12042256926139187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993179591195365,0.09009457733542367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911626880971855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391326873197007,0.0,0.0,0.11450947059639535,0.0,0.0,0.11096067585268908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227987833905146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894273915472921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501761825898523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027808822599776,0.07260909761131748,0.0,0.0,0.09289387070402808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704813272676185,0.0,0.05310084835088881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812476761310789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608204405686772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171346583014508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28715531133768984,0.2482721692628677,0.10186642013862926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109481873991378,0.0,0.0917308610217824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477605408962207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471448253850346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34714130358191303,0.10665035339926472,0.0,0.06887148644802778,0.07729909739580777,0.0,0.0,0.11285524585728915,0.0,0.0,0.07046191470707656,0.0,0.10618845426612418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880756690546758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679696988779588,0.09667953503209094,0.08082538156022907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407471873861999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193879987711796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563918370294642,0.0,0.08169152569079527,0.17766946791096674,0.0,0.0,0.118007747891078,0.06752273881667338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633437709014023,0.0,0.0,0.1798434281769324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347346275140215,0.0,0.09797390741812304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36099807712857795,0.0,0.0,0.0654505391955154
ptsd,sillysalamander13,2020/02/28,"Flashbacks in waves I was assaulted 2 years ago and this is how my flashbacks always go.. I'll be totally okay and I wont think about it or him or anything for months and then something that seems random will trigger it and I will start panicking, then I'll go back to normal for a while again. Does this happen to anyone else? Having your flashbacks or anxiety come in waves and having some really mundane thing that is sometimes totally unrelated trigger them?",4.2009482758620695,6.687542931034487,4.655847701149425,81.05204741379312,73.71264367816093,7.5683908045976995,28.11637931034483,8.472884824447931,2.330886206896552,373,15,64,7,8,118,60,87,0.098,0.877,0.026000000000000002,-0.7325,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,9,0,0,3,2,19,16,12,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,7,11,3,14,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,6,9,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264384643538615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125524722300052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541635215946254,0.0,0.0,0.17861456990323585,0.2617357678768116,0.21021121914817031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642307204270665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004508016850166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235435013434956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339329546894412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290352976913329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22589104984730946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038954588226752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502839468671724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636459699787533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325494695385077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665567757095556,0.2526437393270833,0.0,0.18080679052400092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697077198074908,0.16368020380358048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644995739464727
ptsd,smellycats2999,2020/02/28,PTSD nightmares Hi everyone. I have a general question. I’ve never been diagnosed with ptsd. I keep having vivid and terrifying sleep paralysis episodes and night mares. I have a traumatic past and something recently happened to me (I do not wish to disclose). Are nightmares with ptsd usually specifically reliving the traumatic event? Or can they be general nightmares? I’m wondering if this is a sign that I may have ptsd?,4.1651351351351344,7.534276324324324,4.996000000000002,72.42400000000005,83.05405405405406,9.987027027027027,35.778378378378385,9.642632912329526,5.1444421621621625,344,21,52,13,10,111,53,74,0.18600000000000005,0.8140000000000001,0.0,-0.9312,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,11,2,1,0,1,17,16,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,4,13,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,6,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708312110357929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082751561381842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488360676993357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960175239485402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981112695927274,0.0,0.0,0.1579476294630211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067103742549266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7869820113278297,0.0,0.18854583426405486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618592103757818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684316539426826,0.0,0.0,0.1295733397148497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853697991210226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354831140272485,0.0,0.18252512642410595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lo_Lynx,2020/02/28,"Positive Post Hi! I got diagnosed with PTSD the 30th of January. So I'm new to it and the subbreddit. I have it because of repeated childhood trauma and 2 weeks ago, my therapist gave me a few leaflets about anxiety and PTSD. One of the leaflets said that people who experience trauma as a child usually have an underdeveloped hippocampus and prefrontal cortex.

Reading that scared the living hell out of me. I thought there was no way I could improve with a damaged brain. But today I learned that is just not the case. The brain is moldable. The brain is trainable. I don't know if I can gain back the actual brain mass? But regardless, I have been assured by my doctor that it won't impact my ability to recover. The brain can learn to use the hippocampus/prefrontal cortex differently and that's what matters. 

So if anyone else happens to be worried about this. Don't worry. Everyone can heal.",3.6127836134453797,6.299609136904763,4.559355742296923,79.97584033613448,76.67857142857143,8.238655462184875,30.120448179271712,9.007467420416297,3.022924649859944,717,34,126,18,17,232,106,168,0.139,0.77,0.091,-0.815,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,1,14,0,16,8,5,1,1,23,24,12,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,11,8,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,1,13,1,15,15,1,12,1,1,0,0,5,2,1,2,8,87,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.11988752184940354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890242201187443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398276971899076,0.0,0.0,0.08590218682402898,0.12587816796169005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446693760930758,0.0,0.07489049554047919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6857269827316324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098088709351169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469395326192625,0.0,0.1283560032278573,0.0,0.12574600180427106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262852993627124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739200696165165,0.0,0.12017452496328528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825735343252917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863915063800222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751719892613425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848209730011384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186529011837646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324886917249825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517130995161096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765991660532032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872188798039028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228869792779952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686203360251385,0.0,0.12299801905337375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426426533270625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975321413553461,0.0,0.0,0.1164509742707366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610618056819453,0.13530603059956325,0.0,0.0,0.09751557513327333,0.09854585444073227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495278592829623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,squidsa,2020/02/28,"Science/ Scicomm has been so hostile and I’m just angry This is just a vent, I just lost another opportunity today and I’m exhausted. Especially when every. Damned. Scientist. Is tweeting all the time about “diversity in STEM”.

Shit I’ve put up with as a person living with c-PTSD in science and trying (and failing) to get opportunities in STEM:

- work email chains joking about being traumatised by cartoons, losses in sports games as casual conversation 
- Colleagues using the fact that I got triggered as a weapon against other colleagues in arguments I wasn’t involved with.
- My university saying “no one like you has EVER even tried to do a PhD before”
- They then sent me an email saying they needed to test whether I was literate (I was a fully funded PhD candidate at the time that they reread my application and realised I had ticked “yes” to disability).
- A colleague joking that I was triggered when he slammed the door
- At a school-wide meeting, mental health came up as a topic, where a colleague joked that “200%” of staff were mentally ill. 
- But jokes about needing to take your medication are reserved for PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE WITH YOU
- When my supervisors weren’t working out, the only alternative tweeted out that she had Pre-TSD, which was affirmed by my head of school. Apparently pre-tsd is being traumatised by the anticipation of trauma? I studied enviro science, not psych btw...
- Endless rejections without feedback, endless assumptions that I should toughen up, endless petty obstacles that made it clear that I was the problem because I could not get my shit together.
- Always the expectation that people with disabilities are there for science to assist/fix/save/study, not to be one of your peers.

There’s an exercise I’ve done in therapy where you talk to your younger self. I am angry and sad that I have to tell my five year old self who wanted to be a marine biologist “it wasn’t your grades, it wasn’t your grit, your networking or hustling skills, it was just that you had to survive first to try it.”


STEM, PULL YOUR GODDAMNED SOCKS UP",5.759906878111746,7.7983496818181814,6.1300295039645984,74.08350267379681,68.22459893048128,8.79498432601881,32.14788862253365,9.314750747691287,3.1591109349068773,1647,72,272,34,29,529,214,374,0.168,0.76,0.07200000000000001,-0.9905,2,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,11,3,10,17,21,5,0,20,1,32,8,3,4,4,40,46,18,0,7,11,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,1,3,21,14,0,0,0,8,1,4,9,13,0,4,21,2,35,8,49,19,1,31,0,5,0,0,32,16,3,1,12,190,56,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058442796251916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333849407150792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754264259236505,0.0,0.10824160469629587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548798540129915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156239021616448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017430091312365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401732928286425,0.1150636935817838,0.10717522233475717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820002698938667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291813369658928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173700660282148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054844826047332,0.13521236550860702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062145661344545626,0.0,0.11232384614234683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885866670777966,0.0,0.0,0.12036391158299425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281450851570472,0.25638430231447823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864095273619585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334796559015303,0.0,0.17239403376553716,0.0967447044761732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763750766779625,0.1110700056873684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171746446673988,0.14869517674893315,0.1278755907566354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231614382711735,0.0,0.2574753576362156,0.0,0.0,0.26540393484556785,0.0,0.2611470480412724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956419039445147,0.10224210601962762,0.1111822825011254,0.0,0.14546935680845788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483478573967746,0.0,0.12057493026638676,0.0,0.0,0.2590903832880872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986378948705527,0.0,0.0,0.07502847121171694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262053554141912,0.0,0.18521268660321613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191548524627063
ptsd,onelip_tulips,2020/02/28,"How can I explain my relationship with my abuser to outside people? Possible TW I don’t want to share too many details because it’s the internet and I have no interest in pressing charges. We’ll just say a man I lived with that was supposed to love and care for me, did it in a way he wasn’t supposed to. 

I am a 20F and have lived on my own away from family for 4 years now. I repressed the memories of the sexual abuse for years. He was emotionally and mentally abusive to all the females living in our home, but I was the only one getting sexual abuse. I didn’t realize it. I started doing drugs and got really deep into it and was forced into sobriety by being sent to multiple mental hospitals and a rehab, resulting in me having to drop out of school for 3 months. My forced sobriety led to the resurfacing of horrible memories. Molestation. Ages 7-12. I won’t compare to other people and say I didn’t have it as bad as them. My pain is my own. But I was only 15 when I realized it and so when I said anything, it was a huge shock to everyone. My abuser denied it, and will always deny it. Blames it on cultural differences because he is an immigrant (we called his sister in the home country to ask if her household had allowed similar behaviors and she said she would have never allowed her husband to shower with her daughter, so my abusers statement was bullshit). I ended up taking back my statement of abuse because I loved him and didn’t want him to get locked up or lose custody of me. I ended up making myself look even more unstable and like a shitty teen, to protect HIM. 

Anyways. A lot has happened to me. I’ve connected a lot of dots that were scattered before I reclaimed my memories. Like, why I was so sexual and boy crazy SO young compared to my sister who is almost exactly like me. Or like why I dreaded taking showers or naps (because I had to do that with him). I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, amongst other things, and it surfaces in weird ways. I go from hyper sexuality to not wanting to be touched. Sometimes I disassociate for hours and then cry as soon as I’m able to be by myself. 

My question is this. I love him. I love him so much. I’ve recently admitted the truth to my sister and mom and they are sad for me but understand the distance I’ve put between my family and I. I have had a boyfriend for almost 3 years now and he knows the truth. He lived a very sheltered life so it’s shocking to him, and my symptoms are hard for him to understand. He takes them personally. But I still maintain a relationship with my abuser. I am closer and more open with him now than I ever have been. My boyfriend doesn’t get it. And now I want my boyfriend to meet him because that’s the next stage in my relationship, and I’m mad at him for not wanting to meet my abuser. I almost wish I never told him. Somehow....I’ve come to terms with my shitty childhood, and come to love myself for who it created me to be. I have never confronted or talked about it with my abuser, and I don’t think I ever will. I just want a good relationship with him even though I know he will never admit to what he did and apologize for it. Am I crazy? Does ANYONE else connect to what I am saying? 

TLDR: I want to have, and do have, a good relationship with my sexual abuser (who’s family) even though he hasn’t admitted or apologized for what he did. Does anyone else understand or feel the same?",3.422686604326895,4.893384822580646,5.086848337298734,81.5115932606651,73.20821114369501,8.314325236540698,27.97056382448957,8.895488261720299,2.255006717202457,2667,103,524,54,53,905,283,682,0.192,0.695,0.114,-0.9971,4,0,1,0,10,0,73.0,3,0,3,1,28,28,3,2,26,0,60,11,0,6,10,109,106,55,0,10,15,6,4,4,0,6,6,5,4,3,30,46,0,2,16,1,0,6,16,12,0,1,26,10,99,16,88,70,10,62,0,2,1,5,78,22,0,13,34,386,129,1,0.04897108672319909,0.6382500295119294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471124084833882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04074786714566595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848344494268263,0.1003533309664099,0.040299031766184906,0.0,0.04578135547541193,0.0,0.04600994800604368,0.0376557428853557,0.04088881189021228,0.14926159966634234,0.0,0.041670787910474884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000495484011975,0.0,0.04992928666614308,0.0,0.0,0.08436851003135752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053792439260355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970462219076978,0.0,0.05116436266124779,0.0,0.0,0.08570985600360273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056790913307858,0.0,0.08181811824926769,0.0550858812355259,0.08674769489627067,0.0,0.0,0.09703482277006308,0.08859430317751868,0.0,0.04679397197383376,0.0,0.0,0.1384967467425744,0.0,0.024761252863768814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675611481741444,0.0,0.02783139712393044,0.08214924825189372,0.039166651646451736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330497025982743,0.0,0.043868474802276486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824398568343903,0.0,0.048226655948131227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382645711702266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03458972679968679,0.09569919739127364,0.0,0.17296946707393826,0.0,0.04112337916413289,0.054786119724401235,0.0,0.08326693341886081,0.22099158863282595,0.0,0.032688580654455825,0.049648995621330766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870267458892636,0.0,0.0,0.05735434490369967,0.03908825421103769,0.0,0.035999383427007516,0.0,0.15107808421066155,0.0,0.05208130629498826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03318407574532558,0.07448943634935119,0.05210868899181922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790077099801747,0.04275966402382756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520754223941832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724457976210519,0.04922946806172754,0.0548588246896803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031372132131223224,0.0,0.04835304022323665,0.2628831011156105,0.0,0.0,0.09316543547956586,0.11683132115335468,0.0,0.04956135420542029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843365695668906,0.0,0.03466198723548041,0.0,0.03910837311567834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050899709799617984,0.11046048806671846,0.03936110451631162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03253421401199465,0.03137869500641028,0.0962276881315102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679397197383376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529418850109472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040406275213733855,0.20219091022514493,0.07774193844882997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837757760481092,0.0,0.05631433293485371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034787654959041944,0.0,0.0,0.094607322808781
ptsd,Powerrade2017,2020/02/28,"How do you learn to be charismatic in customer service jobs when you have ptsd? Anyone have any resources to use for practice? 

What careers do you have with ptsd?

I’ve been in customer service/public service jobs over half my life. I was diagnosed with ptsd last year. I think a career switch is vital for my sanity at some point. I’m just afraid to take the risks because the job I have now is comfortable. I know it’s routine, etc. 

I have a B.S (haha) degree in criminology. I’m also a musician and play in local bands/symphonies, etc. Music has to remain a hobby. It’s my safe place and I don’t want to rely on a living through it. But maybe if I’m this unhappy I should give it a shot.

I’m blessed but also lost at what to do. 


✌🏻💕🤘🏻",0.035840080971659916,2.2681447500000007,2.513387314439949,91.6667004048583,88.67948717948721,5.079082321187585,20.390013495276648,6.5966054737557815,0.34651794871794905,575,19,124,7,19,197,97,156,0.048,0.8690000000000001,0.084,0.4432,3,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,0,1,6,9,0,2,8,1,16,2,0,2,0,17,27,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,13,6,19,22,3,15,1,1,0,0,4,11,0,2,4,78,20,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25014123045285586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635531528477213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935641079448756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533815258631463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158739651231853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488479677858124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500302424503789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655996360080523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595169476400501,0.12748441968367769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046781821041586,0.0,0.0,0.1381014062016915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707257879269385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712179616700525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340156561646185,0.0,0.14784570613932171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5484591307106664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175910715326278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002128752193441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507678324673095,0.0,0.0,0.0922469959439438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007145329395816
ptsd,BiggieCheeseSteak,2020/02/28,"I feel like my experiences aren’t “traumatic enough” to be serious Whenever I see police, I remember getting arrested. Then I’m on watch and my heart-rate goes up. Even when I see my Mom, I immediately close all my doors and try to gtf away from her bc I start worrying and remembering the abuse she put me through. I’m still scared of my brother to this day for his abuse (My mom used to tell my brother to hit me).



Like even when I’m visiting the area near the juvenile hall, I get flashbacks to being locked up. I also remember this kid who said that he raped his 6 year old sister and he said that she wanted it. I was there bc I grew up in an Indian family with abuse being commonplace. I started hitting back and eventually a new housemate came in. She started calling the police when this happened. Then on like the 3rd time I got arrested.




I didn’t realize I had PTSD until my psychiatrist told me and then it all made sense. I just thought flashbacks/fear is normal, and I don’t think that my experiences are “traumatic enough” to be serious.",2.7931072874493914,4.902841711538464,4.507358299595144,82.24553643724697,76.59615384615384,8.609716599190284,26.81275303643725,9.276330184999452,2.4500634615384618,828,33,166,22,19,279,120,208,0.182,0.7829999999999999,0.035,-0.9851,1,0,0,0,4,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,1,1,7,0,11,1,0,2,2,24,35,15,0,2,1,5,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,9,10,0,0,7,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,10,6,34,3,22,19,4,33,0,0,3,1,21,12,0,0,20,107,43,0,0.0,0.4024333051419202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054013626576088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637173546550474,0.08705740594255773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560790782721665,0.12949086220366984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301603610452989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339682529241939,0.0,0.14955841719684132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221497227886256,0.1067315507898348,0.12740136424165666,0.057246259853919214,0.08088273185089452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830312783147735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055051980190636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011801882964162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341634936608996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593731600982006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712930449959362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651983524559634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934633900527152,0.0,0.0,0.11092928614100664,0.0,0.0,0.11880290789416607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132345407008258,0.11381503741498974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38476067643278816,0.0,0.21539187690581985,0.0,0.11335064675373775,0.0,0.1804396621942721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404081658451499,0.0,0.09041578397351699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895724092358048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254531659188547,0.0,0.08988218986769295,0.06601813856790084,0.0,0.0,0.10818434325392097,0.0,0.07686737162090113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778372273422263,0.0,0.0,0.0667787199075594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497804781931414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290847270386946
ptsd,swdavian,2020/02/28,I’ve recently been diagnosed with complex ptsd and I don’t really know what’s next I’m 15 turning 16 and in the end of my last therapy appointment my therapist diagnosed me with complex ptsd. She didn’t go into what it meant for me and what we were going to do and I was hoping someone here might be able to help explain some of this.,1.6025714285714299,3.7518975428571433,3.818571428571431,85.49642857142858,80.71428571428572,8.0,25.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,2.2008571428571435,268,11,55,7,7,92,52,70,0.0,0.917,0.083,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,0,16,16,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,0,8,1,9,9,1,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,4,37,13,0,0.2073286583667706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208684480165981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836316529068731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356593088812855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389680294026941,0.0,0.0,0.20592413864842912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394240852554025,0.1690005283563321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199429426509424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204963802654077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847122134712366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282004750346418,0.0,0.20471203782147268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566889942723826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370983897141459,0.24072455221876826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22551404438007344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Pigeonthrow1898,2020/02/28,"Excessive worrying about noise etc stemming from childhood neglect I'm a 23 year old male who had a decent upbringing but I got pretty neglected and really only talked to to be yelled at. A problem I deal with nowadays is I am extremely perceptive with sound and can seriously correlate my roommate upstairs making a tiny creek or even hearing their voice into somehow me being in trouble or something, gets my heart racing kind of. Even though I've spoken to them multiple times and they said they have no worries with me my brain perceives it still as I'm not safe because they might have said it in a tone Id associate with bad...",8.666,7.8071962666666685,8.435000000000002,70.21000000000004,61.33333333333334,11.666666666666664,40.0,10.864195022040775,4.466,512,24,87,11,6,165,91,120,0.209,0.758,0.033,-0.9673,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,5,0,6,8,0,0,5,0,9,2,2,1,0,21,17,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,3,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,6,13,2,15,10,1,9,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,4,5,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781806547231092,0.11522064750569785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110011594722628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486423379453355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079959931538406,0.24968277474268605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875155732233104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117106387115484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130315305244294,0.22398146486357487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682808503687446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261677295924737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005130576288027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833748074154955,0.0,0.0,0.1437529998956936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922943010088028,0.0,0.18086003519810911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108664873866234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595895335807017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455115390595294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509461269126068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519215913217744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857044370299133,0.0,0.1102150740154313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839040095782709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171825637198562
ptsd,MrTorchFKAkite,2020/02/28,"100% disabled and victimized by community I am 100% disabled with Acute Polytrauma (TBI) and PTSD from being a gunner in Iraq. On the outside I look fine, on the inside, I am almost always confused, scared, scattered, anxious, or having involuntary thought processes even logic can’t stop and that is just to name a few symptoms. 

I say a lot of dumb stuff, I used to be very physically aggressive before the TBI had a chance to heal, and before I had any type of healing, unfortunately I hurt a lot of people close to me and essentially ruined my life. Every day that get better I am in anguish essentially that I did the job I did with good intentions and was proud of myself only to receive an actual injury that soiled my honor and self respect.

I am somewhat of a local legend for the things I’ve done and I am constantly under attack from outsiders regarding my day to day life, I live in the south and almost every adult I’ve ever met has shamed me for not having a job when I cannot legally or even safely have one. People make fun of me, I’ve been robbed countless times, poisoned, all types of things. I am 31 and some days I feel life isnt worth living in this state. I am in the middle of buying a home and everyone wants to know if I’m excited... I’m not... I’m running.. from people. I’ve gone to the VA and received more trouble then help, I joined at 17 to escape a shitty situation at home and by 18 was deployed, by 19 I was declared 100% disabled service connected. 

I can never rid myself of this condition and self control and discipline are the only reasons I am still here. I wonder every day if I will ever get relief from being demonized for situations out of my control and the symptoms that stop me from laughing, smiling, feeling safe anywhere. 

Does anyone level with my story? Does anyone have any advice on how to conduct myself or maybe handle social interaction or find help in a broken system?

I need honest answers I feel I may be ACTUALLY alone and i may actually have to fight alone forever... some days idk if I can keep the charade up anymore...for what it’s worth...",5.4554446529080725,6.043108863414638,6.7058536585365855,75.07166979362104,67.6829268292683,8.844277673545967,30.647279549718576,8.841846274778883,2.549615384615384,1654,61,297,26,26,561,218,410,0.152,0.733,0.11599999999999999,-0.9086,2,2,0,1,1,0,52.0,0,0,0,5,9,26,6,4,22,0,37,8,0,7,4,71,56,27,0,5,10,0,3,0,0,3,8,1,2,3,12,22,0,8,10,0,3,4,6,13,0,1,12,5,40,13,49,37,8,41,1,2,1,0,13,19,1,18,16,206,52,6,0.0,0.0,0.25359771263301345,0.0,0.0,0.08464801284949011,0.0,0.0,0.17348293368123718,0.17943276943412814,0.0,0.0,0.07207814357632852,0.0,0.0,0.11781464021571955,0.0,0.0,0.0978605127056952,0.0,0.1211390907782836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854735503932248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742136186970506,0.0,0.0,0.07661192712924457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936098173681135,0.1943124613616233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351920513326358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161056859367936,0.08864647182058172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442872764393852,0.1567128134988329,0.2189534783728916,0.08277298584437504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313991576048172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917280651658783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051497500295874,0.0,0.0,0.07265613791539566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161245409270306,0.0,0.17378195723195936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273283026675004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192199391252144,0.07699543007931038,0.0,0.0,0.04760630894393336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835553712998926,0.0,0.0,0.15298123503627853,0.0,0.07274237979475293,0.0,0.0,0.14728932831429425,0.0,0.0,0.05782222174465066,0.0,0.08702549485137852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423063071449532,0.06680980262135597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058698693786080565,0.13176297716184604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801626145281225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012588713983394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906394402707674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888691629920336,0.08672577932258088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073553893760325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473810880602335,0.0,0.08830230361941441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917807310973112,0.14484315842231768,0.0,0.0,0.09916380529244763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800710980928257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509833092940032,0.0,0.0,0.06876981461280288,0.05051117643083527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481536102403387,0.0,0.07147390796747323,0.05109310526237875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394008014165443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thankyou-_-,2020/02/28,"Advice: Are these signs of PTSD? Or do I have something else? Hey, everyone! I wanted to share here because this sub looked so supportive and because something has been plaguing me for a while. I just decided to make a new account since I couldn't hold this in any longer.  
Trigger warning for some; child sexual abuse, crude jokes  
I recently went through an involuntary hospitalization (related to perceived suicidal ideation) and some of my typical behaviours and quirks caused a psychologist to take me aside and ask if I potentially had PTSD. I assumed she wanted this information to diagnose me or put it on my precautions sheet\*. While curious, I prompted her to share why she thought so, and she replied with, ""I noticed you've been very startled at loud noises throughout the day. At times, you would stare into space and that concerned me."" Now, I was curious. Although I had a fair share of PTSD-knowledge, I mostly comforted myself with the fact that a lot of them are veterans and just...nullified the possibility of me having it.   
Now, the quirks I demonstrated were, as aforementioned, me jumping at loud noises and loud voices, being sensitive to touch, and also a strange blanking out. I don't remember what one would call it, but it strikes me as a whelming of thoughts about my ""trauma"" (which I'll explain below) and I can't help it when I'm in it. I feel like I'm there, but I don't hallucinate about it. It's just all the feelings of it, and it feels *terrible* when I have these spouts. I don't know if flashbacks are like this, but I'll read more around this sub and try to pinpoint the exact definition of whatever a flashback feels like.   
So, my trauma. To put it short, I was raped by two guys (one over the age of consent, and the other almost there) at the age of 11. When I was 13, I was molested by an uncle. I'm 16 now. I've just been trying to deal with it by...joking. That's the only coping mechanism I have. I, at times, even joke about my trauma. Once, I joked about how I ""need to keep my grades up, otherwise, I'd just be a sex doll."" It hurts, though. I can't stop thinking about how the incident was and sometimes I'm a ball of tears because of it.   
So, what do you guys think? Should I just get over it, or do I have PTSD? Or do I have something entirely different? Thank you so much for reading.   
\*A precautions sheet is a sheet with all the patients on it and why they're in the facility. I just wanted to let you all know just in case you didn't.",3.288372478169226,5.162061450617284,4.329223125564589,85.13686991869919,74.41152263374484,7.86903543109505,27.49151861888989,8.628873520835908,2.017322653819132,1939,76,391,38,41,630,236,486,0.094,0.825,0.08199999999999999,-0.9142,1,0,3,0,1,0,88.0,0,5,1,0,32,21,3,1,27,0,39,3,0,5,5,81,67,41,1,10,16,0,5,3,0,3,1,4,0,3,30,22,0,3,16,6,1,4,7,9,0,3,15,11,55,12,59,45,9,40,0,1,2,2,23,20,0,12,19,275,85,3,0.0,0.11436181510215693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431938005323316,0.0,0.0,0.09665201936709736,0.0,0.0,0.07718795281591463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563771228805823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592431392531867,0.09023427394762153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765152464485666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985589165485758,0.0,0.0,0.09915383989671726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224817613592321,0.09950909840342698,0.0,0.09796696599850058,0.0,0.10084408966899314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063106060663097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375132911180653,0.0,0.0,0.09223012386455004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521603508621665,0.13790950063082846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504283328126845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911422865807501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646961124100966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332791954482656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579245971107706,0.0,0.0,0.1060910326199472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869944611379784,0.0,0.14146611930171327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105348176379852,0.0,0.0,0.08205885565065002,0.0,0.0,0.06442863718435038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095417320797083,0.07156923199356413,0.0,0.09322075715633422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989000322794804,0.0,0.10279190664546936,0.13081049918281776,0.07340870684094564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881312793549906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513123771570717,0.1940608905633385,0.0,0.0,0.1930946001093979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530302090000843,0.0,0.10933968132003843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984331756185598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229201600080653,0.09546191511219516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069602845631084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557850495608613,0.10953109129594683,0.0,0.0,0.07257191519047866,0.0,0.0,0.08886373456290962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236937496465339,0.09483156933687154,0.15325407088264356,0.11256455258286817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106309087810009,0.0,0.09428716783538102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964008205910911,0.1707920783176841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947610091307445,0.174190704176566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713175396283,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,highly_sensitive_,2020/02/28,"Feeling suffocated by partner I've been through some really hard things the past 2 or 3 years and ive been with my boyfriend during that time. I've been going through a debilitating depression episode for a year and a half and done almost everything under the sun to get better. 2 rounds of IOP, residential care, ketamine therapy, and now im doing emdr. im starting to think that my partner might be contributing to the way ive been feeling. I went to group therapy today and the group brought up that my boyfriend might be toxic and manipulative. I've always shoved those ideas out of my head because i dont want to believe that about him, but i'm starting to see that some things he does are not okay. Idk im just feeling stuck because I live with him and I don't know how to get out. I can't afford to move out.",4.65309090909091,5.4253955212121205,5.492727272727271,82.39909090909094,69.54545454545455,8.424242424242426,30.75757575757576,8.575989854853784,2.2136666666666667,651,26,133,10,11,213,97,165,0.062,0.873,0.065,-0.1437,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,7,1,16,1,1,2,0,30,33,10,0,1,4,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,8,12,0,0,6,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,8,6,13,3,22,21,2,18,0,1,2,0,7,5,0,6,8,80,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998348128975327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631979294581615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043422965804894,0.0,0.0,0.15749994822477284,0.0,0.12363641818017553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252928297268666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040435315810208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233465702775068,0.14305778056877674,0.16383750754663473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563781841389904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120521152110609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607317320389002,0.0,0.07944814238437274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522795089146893,0.0,0.1434689576501368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781039160465846,0.453004472887981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768271174105474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344064858698164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965986500957217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485788810433864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344917528264258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895556054683174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139770567225143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789380209317015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197332066284587,0.0,0.18574582193476127,0.08957434000183688,0.0,0.0,0.08151499598019515,0.0,0.13250835068940495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245411341352163,0.11096195723873756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959042325306344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004548411389898
ptsd,2julhart2,2020/02/28,"First steps I was 18 when I first sought out medical help following trauma from when I was 14-15. That help ended up being a couple prescriptions thrown at me without the nurse even asking me why I was feeling depressed and anxious. Now, nearly 7 years later, I went to a specialist and was formally diagnosed with PTSD and major depressive disorder with anxious features. My generalized anxiety disorder label was removed. It feels like a relief, like affirmation that what happened to me was real/a big deal and traumatizing and that I am finally being understood. Maybe now that it has been identified, I can get the help I really need and start healing, hopefully.",8.403529411764708,9.091034058823528,8.789579831932773,62.324537815126064,61.352941176470594,12.850420168067233,38.84873949579832,12.28987398476788,5.529752941176472,539,26,80,18,7,179,81,119,0.17600000000000002,0.669,0.155,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,5,0,12,3,0,0,0,16,23,8,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,3,0,2,9,2,12,4,10,12,1,20,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,1,13,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924698264724423,0.3521977257281807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572579148340767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247711147180506,0.0,0.0,0.16070436975042485,0.2685166507214446,0.15821386968378098,0.0,0.0,0.35730160046160825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806249691437805,0.0,0.0,0.1029565871869255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763417811565086,0.1113599647522776,0.0,0.17075778840289266,0.0,0.2651811384019444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081440326284255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784325520173998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313447156199211,0.0,0.0,0.1548229856165532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230917847834574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566013733200136,0.0,0.0,0.15703165936314015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558227846079618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221417009918228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742439002793592,0.09986005739388636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033193473249182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450136355034887,0.1406565217664241,0.0,0.0,0.15026176106924247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038094367797376
ptsd,MistyEy3z,2020/02/28,"Could an absent father cause abandonment PTSD? I never knew him. We have never met. He was a junkie and abandoned my mother and I. Even though it was not a direct ""loss"", is this a type of psychological trauma? I also never had any male figures in my life at all. When I was a teen I used to fly into dissociative rages where I didnt even recognize myself. I no longer do that and live a fulfilling life, however, I do feel responsible for my mom in many ways and I am completely intimacy avoidant. She had a horribly abusive childhood and was also completely intimacy avoidant after having my brother and I. Never once was in a healthy relationship. She was incredibly warm and loving and we are best friends. I couldn't have asked for a better mom. But of course she still had her own issues. Maybe some of this was projected onto me? I am trying to figure it all out.",3.8305357142857166,5.777980029761912,5.385238095238098,77.8264285714286,73.10714285714286,8.371428571428572,26.285714285714285,9.04235418022936,2.2399714285714287,687,24,127,15,14,232,107,168,0.127,0.752,0.121,-0.2694,1,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,3,8,12,1,2,9,0,22,3,0,2,6,33,28,13,0,2,2,5,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,5,12,0,4,4,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,13,2,25,5,15,13,5,17,0,3,0,1,19,8,0,1,8,104,30,3,0.0,0.17724963390363438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23926756262429824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173203759434718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985430371570334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699428459398146,0.13230762215318953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367875899952588,0.0,0.0,0.3137021389185439,0.0,0.0,0.11944214435616553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976166561512488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756414427320906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557934779918586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561418560337706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21133153909716448,0.0,0.0,0.13209812231692258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501839093370765,0.0,0.0,0.15166929071233975,0.15029169376024368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504156610603302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615180143657456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931740681879375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748725165734126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061268908865894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946947037172485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697966215779812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156748935678556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920498006691952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187442416062754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Unicorn-Potato,2020/02/28,"I’m struggling today for the first time in awhile. Hi. I’m a lurker here mostly, but needed to get some words out as I’m struggling a lot today. 

Short back story: I have a past that includes sexual abuse in a school setting. 

This afternoon we received a phone call from my sons school that their resource officer has been charged with child pornography and sex trafficking. They asked for parents to talk with children and any with information to come forward. 

My child that attends this school has been diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety for about two years, but around December, he started having bathroom regressions (specifically at school and not at home)/ asking to go to the bathroom 10+ times a day, actually had a panic attack at school over it and I had to pick him up. He also has not been eating his lunch at school for the last month. He had a weird groin pain that he wouldn’t ever let me check out. All of this plus some other minor things got my head spinning and I started to convince myself that something happened to my son. 

We have since talked to him and he’s assured me that nothing has happened. But I can’t stop crying all day. And I keep thinking back to when something happened to me when I was a child- I never told anyone and even denied it when asked upfront, so then that has me questioning if he’s not being honest with me and it’s really hard for me to separate myself and what I went thru from this and to see it clearly. Also a lot of the signs I’m seeing as red flags could also just be his already established mental health issues so it’s hard to tell. 

I don’t know if I’m being dramatic and putting my own experience in on it or to just take his word, you know? I don’t want to keep hounding him about it, but I also don’t want to let anything slip past me. 

Anyways, today has been hard. A lot of stuff I actually haven’t thought about in years has come up and I’m just concerned for my kid and if I’m doing this right.",5.018320610687024,5.522266994910943,5.583548091603053,83.03034503816794,68.61832061068702,8.22184223918575,28.697099236641225,8.109356740369918,1.8009412519083972,1551,51,309,19,25,501,195,393,0.134,0.835,0.031,-0.991,1,0,2,0,1,0,32.0,2,1,2,1,22,9,1,3,15,0,31,7,1,1,6,72,65,36,0,8,14,3,3,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,23,28,2,3,6,0,1,8,10,6,0,2,12,6,38,3,55,46,9,52,0,0,3,1,38,18,0,11,27,219,61,6,0.0,0.09178266987819353,0.151188197857129,0.0,0.09309717846496693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548391304992448,0.24779307273317505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052678461539922464,0.0,0.05926006878882891,0.0,0.0,0.05416492316116703,0.0,0.06374661674545518,0.06895975665018149,0.2172563255497898,0.0881269601603787,0.0,0.119130713805009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909983321836718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345747623809948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061849035530000575,0.0,0.08509102722935362,0.09991628404462652,0.0,0.0,0.07862475504762255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926544002929904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116451840973491,0.07007100224212902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075775066400816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658911955436482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040471961894971716,0.0,0.0440248146963784,0.0,0.061955372679800634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550459065691049,0.0,0.2081787125795095,0.0,0.0795008427594427,0.08234105539105616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770312869108742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085272793458863,0.0,0.13770787042276478,0.0,0.0,0.08514483803265224,0.06314384082510917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842523436220635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757243758429724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806591489936587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183136048769234,0.0,0.0,0.0574388854149732,0.059745335748338124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432919961273304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242760385764195,0.09088780548947747,0.08601507041473509,0.0,0.14789710714138668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787313728333439,0.08677787825993294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496256906384278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615419088382764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703887681842103,0.12345822577186467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407936819832256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927178920072043,0.0,0.0,0.10965942947493347,0.0,0.0,0.06476372322064691,0.0,0.16196526090895075,0.08867822697901971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058243602800514965,0.12452593197956432,0.06770731691212414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146391813506292,0.049636072056317065,0.0,0.061498096120396625,0.090340251774345,0.0,0.2202816356586549,0.07402057237307035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567148170439791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138104315698828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718102928390628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976909260742214
ptsd,Enigmus222,2020/02/28,"Is this PTSD? In late 2017 I had an absolutely terrifying comedown from MDMA. I was given far too much for a first time user and although having an enjoyable experience on the drug, I experienced 4-5 days of constant panic and anxiety that led to me thinking I was about to die and rushing to hospital. At the end of the experience, it was like I was looking at the world through a glass pane. I now know this is derealization. That glass pane has been there ever since.

I also experience bouts of extreme anger and rage, mood swings and difficulty concentrating without coffee. I also wake up 2-3 times during the night. 

I am not ""depressed"", as I have lots of energy, normal appetite. I would not even describe my feeling as low mood or sadness, I just feel very ""uncomfortable"" as if I need to sleep for 30 days and wake up to feel normal.

I feel a constant sense of unease, and find it impossible to feel truly calm/relaxed even for one second. I get random muscle twitches almost as if my sympathetic nervous system is constantly firing.

I do not experience flashbacks or nightmares, although for the first month or so I did have nighmares of taking the drug again. I think this may be because i did not consciously see it as a trauma in the same way as being in a battle etc.

I believe my brain has reacted in the same way as someone who was having real panic attacks for 4-5 days straight in a life-threatening situation.",7.203946078431373,6.994866698529414,8.09744117647059,69.30540196078431,64.0,10.488627450980392,35.78039215686274,10.047579312681364,3.63042274509804,1130,48,198,22,15,383,160,272,0.172,0.768,0.061,-0.9840000000000001,0,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,2,12,16,4,4,17,0,24,7,4,2,1,42,38,24,1,6,11,0,6,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,10,0,0,2,5,12,0,4,10,9,24,2,38,24,5,36,0,3,2,0,1,14,0,9,18,150,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047437893604724,0.0,0.0,0.16730035696840406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002024070316892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899987139065622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376440593788768,0.0,0.0,0.11785062958245275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167704215973009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33911279171105313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023789019189699,0.0,0.09009354596040713,0.0,0.10856035741953296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24261021306488198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264632102139282,0.0,0.11665887593302675,0.13817726378949124,0.0946184940437404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40928329491476656,0.0,0.0,0.2644495608156188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560432940439507,0.17794880888212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054650225670605714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748652147438563,0.0,0.11799560773556493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738834832892793,0.051103251640308066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878393320325219,0.0,0.0,0.08892887647579861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349231532046836,0.0,0.07689450278854912,0.07756105469614871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098161887400076,0.2049754941296552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088101967379926,0.0,0.0,0.2454558093129244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227413580767604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190599718455556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335424802032207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652785209563188,0.1175770262607736,0.10467753840396216,0.0,0.08862893184359898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864768318317496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404947090628647,0.0,0.0,0.12198853021801948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630760158426455,0.0,0.16605639135352526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083259150306652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743062568468411,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ajanisue,2020/02/29,"I told on my case worker... ...and I’m glad I did. I’m diagnosed with the whole alphabet, C-PTSD, OCD, SI, etc etc. from many traumas in the past. Most days are just regular, cooking and cleaning, but every day I journal, and that’s when the shit gets stirred up. My case worker showed up an hour early this week. I told her I wasn’t sure I could be chipper that morning. Hadn’t even had my coffee and my routine was fucked. Anyway, she started yelling at me about that past being gone, and I can’t change it so I should just get over it. Just get over it. Poisonous words. Gee, shit, wish I would have thought of that. She threatened to have me locked up in our local psych ward because when she asked me about suicide I told her for the hundredth time I’ve had SÍ since I was eight or nine but no plan. Then she threatened to have me locked up. So I put on my chipper persona. She fell for it and soon left. 

Wake up caseworkers!! Intrusive thoughts pop up whenever they are good and ready to. I am so pissed. The manager is coming on Monday. I do not want to get locked up. Thousands of dollars a day until you can put on a convincing sprightly face for 24 hours. Why can’t I just feel bad sometimes??",1.3441393442622953,3.5063266434426272,2.289350819672133,96.03269836065577,81.74590163934427,5.215475409836066,22.874754098360647,6.360717304075467,0.3449457704918029,927,32,205,8,25,291,146,244,0.161,0.716,0.12300000000000001,-0.9291,1,0,0,0,1,1,42.0,1,1,1,3,14,11,5,0,8,0,23,9,5,0,1,28,42,17,1,5,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,9,9,1,0,3,2,1,5,6,7,0,3,13,2,34,4,30,24,4,40,0,0,0,1,14,18,4,2,17,136,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961924555430414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683582386602647,0.0779992630489314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535783188737865,0.11022060633298587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216045424184217,0.0,0.0,0.24755825721497415,0.0,0.0,0.12987010422211862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854039402407781,0.08451207681756336,0.0,0.10780633829004337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646971317425094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182909444918122,0.26740168061267744,0.0,0.0,0.10732132105636777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25201683699473504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902184691528688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972476103164352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24429217880510934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957078863455384,0.2572572073252086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626848481512638,0.1058444534595126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265492785093863,0.0,0.09056614247142453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399603560497345,0.0,0.12059465495304375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031615652800506,0.07461071202244328,0.0,0.0,0.3667951439536675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547028662624013,0.0,0.10263657580887198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545812751964317,0.14285550790149054,0.14714020477569734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089449182077987,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,veganfanastic-,2020/02/29,"Rexulti to treat PTSD my psychiatrist recently diagnosed me with PTSD due to severe childhood trauma. He prescribed me rexulti. Any tips or tricks? I also smoke weed but I’m not smoking until I know how rexulti effects me. 

Any advice would be helpful.",3.567333333333334,6.7788865111111125,5.166111111111113,71.38250000000002,83.8888888888889,8.333333333333334,31.94444444444445,8.841846274778883,4.022111111111112,203,11,29,6,6,68,36,45,0.10400000000000001,0.779,0.11699999999999999,0.3818,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,8,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664782652440447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807725785003215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708892847946557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27678370167158306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827843630158093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498682153898646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6375409766269979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692573219588357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080722013885236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371751534660064,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,virgotaurus,2020/02/29,Does anyone else have Stockholm Syndrome added to their PTSD diagnosis? I can’t get over the feeling that my rapist is the kindest person I have ever known. I feel guilty for reporting him even though he admitted to raping me. I’d still rather see him apologize than go to prison or experience other serious consequences.,7.096206896551722,8.719400172413796,6.951206896551727,71.0519827586207,64.51724137931035,10.627586206896552,33.46551724137931,10.686352973137794,3.9766413793103457,262,11,42,7,4,83,50,58,0.258,0.6779999999999999,0.065,-0.9413,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,1,7,10,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,8,0,6,10,0,4,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,1,2,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893985707543586,0.3061734211343289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614968490317223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496233352088356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736586964324954,0.27029716538210524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923004523898051,0.0,0.0,0.3021817981671133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611959623272328,0.0,0.16982463841153653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609155569556901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493011872825077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23811853264156385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863571396215946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935862736129141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,whatdoiknow1000,2020/02/29,"Im not sure what is wrong with me. Im not sure if it is at all ptsd. I am not a fan of self diagnosis so thats why i came to this subreddit to ask if i should get this checked out by a professional.

Some backstory: as a kid my mom used to yell and beat me, the beatings stopped but the yelling got worse and i was the scapegoat of the family. 
Since i moved out i stay in my room to avoid people becuase i fear they will hit me or yell at me. And my roomate yells at their child too and due to that i just freeze. I cant move and i dont know why. Its like im back in that situation with my mom again. And i hate it!

Another event was being in an abusive relationship. Ever since i have been jumpy with people and i worry anyone can beat me up ans i have been constantly angry and having breakdowns.  I struggle to keep a job without having a break down.. Its like i cant function


These are the main things that have affected me in my life and affect my everyday life

Is this normal? Or should I get it checked out by a professional? 
What is wrong with me?

Again i am not looking for a diagnosis at all. I do not encourage that, i just would like to know if this is normal behavior and if i should get it checked out by a professional.",1.4081517606215923,2.984861840304188,3.4064473466688727,91.00664242023475,78.88593155893537,7.007373119523888,22.84162671515953,7.893859768569023,0.8960211274590839,956,30,225,16,23,324,127,263,0.21100000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.04,-0.9931,1,1,0,0,2,0,21.0,0,0,2,3,8,12,1,3,15,0,28,2,0,3,5,54,41,19,0,10,15,2,1,3,0,5,2,4,1,3,19,19,0,3,2,0,3,3,9,6,0,0,6,6,36,6,33,28,4,29,0,0,1,0,10,15,0,7,12,165,55,4,0.0,0.13566897938635433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200678377391902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006413251617288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070461485873323,0.0,0.0,0.08804680871096245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130962518935918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373856819336405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341982934162916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357577711985053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079445491635432,0.12884927394117615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947145484026006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157962162273947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304938015182407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710531738540385,0.0,0.1136279397065144,0.10177676384070633,0.0,0.0,0.12585723744184607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175567525881282,0.16782318474280408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615484973530844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268212317566174,0.0,0.2434000928395375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243799831055219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876585448309735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384950548973604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229348638147422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945305224691585,0.0,0.0,0.18943843090915194,0.1287077329805204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204644546515428,0.0,0.09573079800648787,0.0,0.11970485099596465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583806674455466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607162940316396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988950295200232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066448056382708,0.0,0.0,0.11037814678291716,0.0,0.0,0.1162847671912796,0.11668975676801485,0.08134063404370935,0.2503851526200281,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Barry_B_Masterson,2020/02/29,"PTSD legal advice. [Descriptions of violence inside.] (Reposted with warning of violence in the title.)

[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/fbe5wf/i_got_in_a_fight_in_a_parking_lot_colorado/) is the thread I posted in legal advice for context. They are saying that PTSD would not be likely to reduce my liability. Before I go looking for an attorney (or just go back to ignoring it and hoping it goes away, I haven't  decided) has anyone heard of someone successfully applying their PTSD to a legal matter or heard of an attorney that is familiar with cases like this? Preferably in Colorado.

I don't have a history of things like this, but when someone is aggressive to me I have a very hard time regulating my response.",8.68651974288338,11.203368983471076,8.377300275482098,58.94756657483933,61.64462809917354,11.328191000918276,35.758494031221296,11.20814326018867,5.0376218549127625,601,27,78,18,9,192,81,121,0.11900000000000001,0.7759999999999999,0.105,-0.5704,0,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,2,1,3,7,1,0,7,0,11,0,0,0,0,14,17,5,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,5,10,5,17,13,0,10,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,3,6,60,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35030067702368783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532812078270286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840100043838252,0.13782377613883506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251924154006535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037313808158255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056299484274456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802483300707672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627014582757812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051567090963122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166147667232007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6285626208714921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253809750142532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30373735386567424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907846945136015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451573938567137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478909989006637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732628815921293,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,renmayy,2020/02/29,"How do I “forgive” someone who accidentally triggered my PTSD? 
my dad is a wonderful guy, he was even the one who got me out of my abusive relationship with my mother (which is the core of my PTSD). 

We rarely argue, but this time he was really frustrated, and so was I. I locked my door (as teenagers do) and he was yelling at me through the door, and i kept refusing to open it. That was until he started banging violently at the door for me to come out.

That was my first little freak out, which i was able to contain. Yelling is a big trigger for me though, and the door thing was a newly founded one i guess.

Then, after a while, he was about to leave for a haircut. I was even angrier now than before after the shock of the first trigger. He told me to give him a hug. I said no, i didn’t tell him that i was afraid of him though (He’s generally a great guy, really, but the ptsd really took hold over anything else). 

Then he told me “What if i die on the road?” And that was my other trigger. My mother died away from home while she and i were in an argument. She said that same question to me too many times after she would abuse me, and I was forced to hug her. I refused to hug him, and broke down in tears, refusing more. He then forced me into a hug and then left.

Once again, I love my dad, but it was too much. Usually i’m upset over something stupid, not ptsd  related and he hugs me because it usually calms me down.

It’s the morning after and i feel uncomfortable, scared, angry, confused, and upset. He keeps asking me “why i’m still upset with him” and saying “i’m choosing to be angry”

I don’t wanna be mad at him, but my panic attacks are a lot for me. i’ve had two in the last day and i’m still shaken. I don’t want to be mad at him, how do I stop my ptsd?

He put me in such a shock i don’t remember half the night.",2.098436960276338,3.2407836968911887,3.857015544041453,90.32662867012093,76.02072538860105,7.011951640759933,23.22936096718481,7.554174236665415,0.7779128842832472,1401,40,324,18,30,472,178,386,0.28,0.631,0.08900000000000001,-0.9983,0,0,1,0,3,0,53.0,1,0,0,2,15,27,7,7,23,0,31,6,0,6,0,58,53,32,2,4,6,4,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,17,23,0,8,7,0,0,3,6,18,0,6,25,6,58,9,49,24,4,52,0,1,0,6,48,23,0,6,26,229,75,0,0.091845454684297,0.2176436902419993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558098346526526,0.0,0.08586310190479586,0.10448746394373236,0.08629182804338413,0.0,0.0,0.05598813669685774,0.0,0.07815371719895645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911672665817965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923272008648262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064216287014926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672509203739669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132611320772994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643982153551714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624739367038154,0.0,0.10070380043125512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810652918168979,0.0,0.0,0.073457200352993,0.101259938032376,0.10117812308287244,0.1818828801185389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212847966898834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163646016713445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486630401724295,0.0,0.09725107507392194,0.0997903552506622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205327426036408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808372114804851,0.08289410873854136,0.0,0.0,0.09311687533573904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751697706641906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619073743948183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781241172740486,0.12447371414625935,0.0,0.0,0.10776085186331397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.536812107742276,0.09233004984252208,0.1028879290661712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651565032411504,0.0,0.0,0.0986076461290504,0.10404299595594883,0.0,0.17473211960451834,0.07303919197157385,0.09195332270809728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782035570423901,0.07070711817890286,0.0,0.0,0.06500868555150635,0.0,0.14669579750498005,0.07678691268329489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027697564635969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101803898324176,0.0,0.1804753858049554,0.0,0.10711164645598974,0.0,0.0,0.17552453580267427,0.1020436795867993,0.0,0.0,0.08971966356002699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023095850133052,0.0,0.054172828806474935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287623720595623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960247774032932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524437583289401,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Imaraba,2020/02/29,"How to effectively talk about your trauma/express feelings related to it? Advice Needed TW: SA Mention TW: SA/Sexual Assault mention

Hey guys, first-time poster on this group. I was diagnosed with PTSD last summer and have been struggling since with communication between loved ones. I’ve found it hard to seek help and the few times that I do express my feelings, I’ve found it especially hard to properly communicate. Often what I find is I’ll get told: “you’re not the only one who has been through this” and to “calm down” if I get panic episodes from people close to me. It feels like they’re minimizing my issues yet get upset if I don’t reach out for help. 

Alternatively, if I reach out to my partner or certain people who also share PTSD or similar trauma, in this case r*pe, I’ll accidentally trigger the other by only speaking from my experience; I do this because I don’t want to speak for other people. They too then feel I’m acting as if I’m the only one who has gone through this. It isn’t my intention at all to isolate other people. If I do accidentally trigger the other person when addressing something related to my trauma, for example the other individual triggering me, I find myself spending the whole time apologizing to the point where it’s forgotten how it started. The focus will only be that I triggered them and have to apologize even if it started by them triggering me and me attempting to communicate that.

Does anyone else run into this issue or have any advice on how to avoid these situations? I hate accidentally upsetting other people while confiding in them. I try extremely hard to avoid situations by choosing my words as carefully as I can but it feels as if I’m always doing something wrong. At times it makes me resent myself too for having PTSD because I feel it puts up barriers between myself and others.",7.415201729106632,7.673873193083576,8.247393371757926,66.83512463976946,63.466858789625356,10.859308357348702,34.9292507204611,10.577609850970193,3.8742773487031705,1486,61,247,34,20,502,176,347,0.114,0.826,0.06,-0.9388,0,2,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,4,2,12,18,3,6,9,0,20,2,0,11,2,55,44,28,0,9,12,0,9,1,1,1,1,2,1,3,32,12,0,3,12,0,1,4,4,12,0,3,7,11,35,6,46,35,3,29,0,0,0,1,26,14,0,11,12,179,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834669438183956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750717286030812,0.07811144215260908,0.0,0.0,0.06383815535007006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563951714244155,0.09618593506480144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445054305556195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571172334496753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528105378110707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215056306138416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842043839762984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200349021538613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182767148374632,0.0,0.0,0.28479583931795416,0.06706425177407609,0.0,0.0,0.1715999272298454,0.07984994729068637,0.0,0.20585797862001254,0.0,0.0,0.14713729189767394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295091616812436,0.0,0.0,0.2522804312376636,0.09268203492892543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584474170751211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19596202529390785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652057790143559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586253738359573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472576800153916,0.0,0.06266222886497763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960705349143594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908361979071949,0.2855843854395049,0.0,0.11014197599273236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254052001647728,0.08196794720377062,0.0,0.0,0.08874212944685975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292042254373816,0.09437020919305593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765429251723124,0.21103865563354748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453897827114878,0.0,0.0,0.13289028361459548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813843442812364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545309371648162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642176382494892,0.0,0.0,0.08970149583187931,0.0,0.06373489922544663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536985191458442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480798034942272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026374732424366,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ComradeCaleb,2020/02/29,"I don't even know why I have to say this but I do Last year after having seen my new therapist for a while I found out that for most of my life I've had post traumatic stress disorder because of childhood trauma. We couldn't afford our own place when I was a really little kid(This went on from about age 3 to 5 on a regular basis) and so of course we lived with other people. One of those other people regularly sexually abused me and he told me he'd cut my throat if I told my mom what happened...I went into denial after the abuse ended and buried it for years because I was still afraid of him finding out if I told anyone and because I was embarrassed and thought I'd done something wrong. I didn't tell anybody until I was 14 but they didn't believe me. I didn't tell my mom until I was 17. I'm still terrified of him to this day. I also hate him and if I ever saw him again it's really hard to say whether I'd run scared or kill him.

This whole fucking thing started way before I actually had anything even resembling a chance at life. I have never been happy. I do not know what it feels like to be happy. I am probably never going to know what it feels like to be happy. I want to fucking die. Everything even 20 fucking years later is still fucked. I'm INSANELY uncomfortable around family members like you wouldn't believe. It freaks me out to be around them and I'm supposed to just pretend it doesn't. I can't sleep, I'm scared of men, I'm hyperbolic, I can probably never return to my hometown because seeing my old house would probably put me in a hospital. I'm so tired of being miserable.",3.804559979046623,4.641675909638554,5.393782084861186,82.10176794133056,71.5301204819277,8.424515453116816,27.08538501833421,8.716276077567194,1.9105137244630688,1270,42,259,22,23,432,177,332,0.27399999999999997,0.685,0.040999999999999995,-0.9984,1,0,1,0,2,0,25.0,3,1,2,0,16,22,7,6,6,0,31,9,2,0,4,42,60,21,2,7,9,2,3,3,0,2,3,2,0,1,17,16,0,0,8,1,0,5,12,16,0,1,21,8,46,6,39,31,3,46,0,1,3,4,23,12,4,5,30,174,63,0,0.0,0.19288372403223605,0.07943150561839903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509296733467697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691451395514493,0.0,0.06698260602266704,0.14492076433052173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847486128742114,0.0,0.06926265587362271,0.18341257175513345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249418268058332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844769960734164,0.0,0.09328774998086124,0.0,0.0,0.08329715577510867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209337812784761,0.0,0.0,0.16128539618017168,0.07362803826185135,0.0,0.0,0.07315416812744452,0.0,0.0767336303620014,0.0,0.08231330493618352,0.11629973709904197,0.0,0.0,0.07439517289433255,0.0,0.0,0.08924735667632629,0.0,0.3010000079724101,0.0,0.0,0.04625966001934805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25994512479092863,0.07291551771131702,0.08036245847004941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392094371368352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005346575688078,0.0,0.13420060778076245,0.06634923120132225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498589127886873,0.11929905052192726,0.08158094695489343,0.07187483891788002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066182585539435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833462027182235,0.07861350740785568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541221740732048,0.0,0.055156557725057016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286054262504465,0.0,0.08504229993473268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795560524335217,0.0,0.2632784542397584,0.0,0.0,0.08182623550402833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042897099279721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294599566118177,0.1629847325355923,0.0,0.06486268698898337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145555349042484,0.0,0.0,0.06266321001435762,0.0,0.0,0.057613052552421086,0.0,0.1950106963209757,0.0,0.0932397246996092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228872888065894,0.0,0.0,0.09450792329667526,0.05407639697316919,0.0,0.0,0.06461994304772765,0.0,0.09355361284091404,0.0,0.2333343049389913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800992369654875,0.0646089670934219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091124201361555,0.07344792421176763,0.09087658654257268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057821929819396774,0.08899458980633486,0.0,0.1572505529990748
ptsd,edgrathw,2020/02/29,Help I could use a friend tonight.,0.23714285714285666,2.6518669999999998,-1.0599999999999987,115.13000000000002,93.28571428571428,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-1.121742857142857,27,1,7,0,1,7,7,7,0.0,0.337,0.6629999999999999,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5122285449215318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956629124944256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43002002178361337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5540965401537302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,carnemsandiego,2020/02/29,"I had a laughter stress response today. I’m doing a dance unit for school which requires lifts. I’m relatively close to every person in the class, my boyfriend of 2+ years being one of them. He and I were doing a lift where I was meant to swing my legs around his back. Not important.

The important part is that he dropped me. Not hard, not on purpose, but neither of us were in control. If happened a couple times before it manifested as a trigger. He tried to help me up and I was laughing. Like a hyena. It wasn’t funny. I felt like my chest had rotted out. But I Could. Not. Stop. Laughing. 

It was pretty embarrassing and people were concerned, but it was honestly kind of a proud moment. 

I didn’t sob, it didn’t trigger a meltdown(I have an ASD as well), and I had managed to spend multiple days trusting my body to another person and surrendering control. 

I might not be recovered yet, but I managed that much. Right now, that’s enough.",1.3299012925969436,3.9130494918918965,2.918848413631025,88.46222091656875,86.5135135135135,5.3795534665099884,23.71915393654524,6.895973343053719,1.0213290246768505,736,29,143,10,23,241,114,185,0.071,0.726,0.203,0.9817,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,1,4,6,12,0,2,11,0,21,3,3,4,0,28,26,12,0,2,10,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,8,0,4,2,1,1,1,9,3,1,1,15,2,19,9,18,7,4,20,0,1,0,0,9,9,1,2,11,103,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847152934322685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515157733651292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087475297564224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482927851636418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890559384674578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817918004395531,0.13589236542340274,0.18832516190956794,0.0,0.1097661432129754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586405759551652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340243910024902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342051248998946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050897555327605,0.0,0.15246746879076714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408274396060895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723908451276324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630409943951707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055731609808606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125117978089799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153332103715702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431206856446344,0.0,0.11799656506945645,0.2972274632040912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173156518092613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535149020252733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225340656591373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422964071575747,0.19496569813822984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924609495815516,0.0,0.16133149731693974,0.0,0.0,0.11555591582191325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047319258699344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530319459679642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109604441479065
ptsd,JadeRavens,2020/02/29,"Just shouting into the void Do you know what it's like for someone to ask about your summer plans, and for your first thought to be, 'I don't even know if I'll be alive by summer.'?

Do you know what it's like for all the noise in the world to boil down to just two voices? And nothing terrifies you more than wondering how long it will take for there to just be one voice left? 

Everything in my world, every person, every event, every action, every idea, every desire, can only say one of two things: 'Give up,' or 'Keep trying'. Problem is, it's harder and harder to hear hope. Every decision I make it either to give up or keep trying. Every single one. It's not a decision of whether to go to work or stay home; it's a question of whether I'm giving up today. I never have to decide whether I'm going to do the laundry or not; I have to choose whether to keep trying or not. 

Of course, it's not quite that simple, is it? Because every choice has a cost, and that cost is pain. Sometimes trying hurts more. Sometimes giving up hurts more. But it always hurts to know that there's no sense or order to it at all. No matter what I choose, it will hurt. I'll be more tired tomorrow than I was today, it will be more difficult the day after that. So why 'keep trying'? It's a question I have to 'keep trying' to answer, isn't it? Because trying or giving up is not ultimately a question of survival, but of sacrifice. 

Suffering is worst when it is meaningless. A man can absorb a universe of pain for a noble purpose, but a prick of senseless suffering can bring him to his knees. At least it's true for me. Perhaps it's an inherent weakness. Perhaps it's a failure of character. Does it matter? I suspect it might have, once, but now that pain has scoured so much of me away I have my doubts. What difference would it make if I was alive or dead? 

Of course, the truth is, death would be an immeasurable improvement for me. But in the depths of my soul I know that my life has never been about me. In fact, that barest shred of self-forgetfulness, of selflessness, is the only thing keeping me alive. I wish it was because I was primarily motivated by my care for others, of how devastating my selfish death would be to them, but I suspect it's not. Brutally and truthfully, to deny the reality of my derivative and dependent existence would be to obliterate the last anchor-hold of meaning to life at all. There's little sense in wading through the philosophical underpinnings of the conviction, but there it is all the same. If life is about me, it must be meaningless. If life has never been about me, it is because an objective purpose exists that, by its weight and significance, orients all lives toward itself. 

My pain has banished me into darkness, blinded by suffering to the noonbright hope and meaning that lights my way unseen. But I am not the gravest thing in my universe; hope has far more gravity than I, and my world is trapped in its orbit, however much I stumble and crawl in my blindness. 

I wonder if anyone knows how it feels to feel life screaming at you to GIVE UP at every turn. Every voice. Every person. Every interaction. Every hurt. Every pleasure. Every failure. Every season. Give up. 

Demons can give voice to things, you know. Quiet, innocuous things take on a beastly aspect. Snarling, sniveling, malicious, monstrous lies, though obvious for their fiendish nature, can be bound up in so much rage and sinew that their roar drowns out their foulness. Familiarity is, after all, just another form of blindness. A man can see a lie for what it is the first time he sees it. 'Give up.' He recoils in disgust at the squirming, grimy thing, and wishes that someone would stamp it out. But if all his world becomes crowded with lies, if they squeeze out of holes in the ground and pile up, growing larger, feeding on pain and fear, until they blot out the son and tower over him with claws and horns, smiling wickedly--well, he must go on about his business. Everyone expects him to, anyway. Perhaps the devils aren't really there. No one else seems to notice them, anyway. But try as he might, he cannot ignore them forever. They fade into the background. They become part of his world, part of the canvas instead of the painting. Nuisances long ignored become companions in time. But the screaming. Oh, the howling of hell that can be heard so loud by the soul of one man yet be silent to all others. The loneliness of it all is enough to drive a person mad. 

You're not supposed to give credit to devils, after all. Focus on the positive, they say. It's not the darkness but the light that will triumph, in the end, so is it not as if the darkness was never there at all? It has no power to drive out or drive back its nemesis; so hope, dear boy! Carry your light and live not in fear of the legions that assail you day and night, but especially the night. 

But they never tell you how naked you are in your dreams. How I wish that angels would visit me instead of demons. Words can't describe what it's like to have nightmares for four years straight. Devils can make you dream about anything they like. Frightful nights once in a long while can only trouble young children. But when demons invade the solace of sleep, it's like your enemy taking up residence in your home. They just wait for you to come home; you can't stay away forever. You can't stay awake forever. There's no refuge from that kind of torment. The more your sleep suffers, the more you need it, the more you suffer. I never expected to understand so well why people kill themselves.",4.0193492280633185,5.820412284780581,4.570501921698913,84.47538157123314,72.27731092436973,7.110246889453458,26.36571993138341,7.779958622903148,1.522564058801815,4371,149,825,57,86,1389,397,1071,0.19899999999999998,0.7,0.10099999999999999,-0.9993,4,1,0,0,0,0,158.0,0,21,14,9,42,58,7,4,56,0,83,22,4,10,24,179,144,73,5,28,53,1,4,5,1,14,15,13,3,8,72,29,3,10,29,2,3,11,29,39,1,10,9,25,83,19,154,109,32,119,11,10,5,0,79,63,2,31,45,603,155,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03113538278678828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03923680336682658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02616404762028331,0.0,0.030792428361752017,0.0,0.03498146349916592,0.0,0.07031226140241131,0.028772695382195762,0.0,0.09124044749368863,0.12397814979945004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815089135989285,0.0,0.0,0.032232924555128536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826397345763421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03909461103338866,0.0,0.0,0.03274538475514435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03125854933068085,0.0,0.033141890308167755,0.03866355307516404,0.0,0.02471471974875637,0.0,0.5044303324798809,0.03575520221245547,0.03362954377537381,0.0,0.0,0.08421295362326893,0.0378400706686264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365670907837273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589545760907724,0.06379778356351544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042173630759958065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260211816064232,0.1486609766204359,0.0,0.0,0.20028763394828536,0.04224119409009599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199556931081118,0.04139828319172688,0.03896585149203,0.14395049663370896,0.03050126099800692,0.0,0.0,0.0406555620788126,0.0,0.13214978596900942,0.09140451242865344,0.03750339997136505,0.0660828522450242,0.09934320163568834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493188302064567,0.0,0.0,0.08151993820192606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939072337479716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252122098180477,0.02774551583469791,0.17315779863194253,0.0,0.0,0.10534483621550904,0.0,0.035904282785715474,0.042601474679932486,0.0,0.07969945726865217,0.12677950689578388,0.0853758960935885,0.19908084667083695,0.0,0.0,0.08104168120270963,0.0,0.025941437486577613,0.09801778108707232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0358046732561187,0.0,0.0,0.12575263140820714,0.03979942771405154,0.0,0.0,0.023971398042786352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059513755531337816,0.0,0.0,0.05963576997237559,0.03406460849399559,0.039035898462337966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489151122821297,0.0,0.06340954081948659,0.0,0.07401616598580177,0.0,0.0,0.11965016958342402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440268950711309,0.0,0.032705621286664835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915605815287228,0.0,0.03676371445346833,0.02970629369607232,0.04363832738060546,0.043007328207148005,0.07093716583698577,0.0,0.0,0.2032389037585191,0.040700835632002996,0.07310532851381253,0.0389542199180298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029701247963952737,0.0,0.045565935219211914,0.033643934104696,0.0,0.06752917149401155,0.0,0.1290890862612279,0.0,0.08115803790464284,0.02724128273526501,0.0,0.0,0.1594871627806937,0.0,0.0,0.02409643674972035
ptsd,EngagedOrphans,2020/02/29,"Anyone Else Sick of the Anniversary Effect? *O2* I'm just so damn sick of feeling shitty with thoughts or memories that can feel like they spring out of nowhere because something painful/traumatic happened on or around that time even if it was 10 years ago!

I'm over randomly being unable to honor my commitments or be able to connect with my partner because my brain decided let's be triggered today!

I'm sick of being unable to enjoy things people my age usually do because of my trauma and being the fucking weirdo-buzzkill! All because I grew up so fast just to survive, and it's hard to find people who understand who aren't paid to!

I'm sick of being told to go to therapy when I be been in it since I was 12! I just want to be young and stupid, but I just fucking can't when I know how bad the world can be because I LIVED some of the worst it has to offer.

Is anyone else sick of this shit?",3.43096018735363,4.812485573770491,4.5319008587041365,85.85274590163935,73.04371584699453,7.195784543325528,27.82552693208431,7.7094869923839395,1.638411709601873,712,27,142,9,14,233,108,183,0.20600000000000002,0.746,0.049,-0.9872,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,3,11,11,5,0,4,0,20,9,2,3,2,31,36,13,0,2,9,0,3,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,8,0,1,2,2,8,0,0,6,3,13,3,26,20,3,20,0,0,0,2,6,7,4,6,12,94,23,0,0.14890865474724033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319985377993255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082407873958936,0.3051490279984637,0.0,0.13256027319317254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243325067952816,0.4538666690687688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623130574680756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24878814700016505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835276206958186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058538008932298,0.10638037270478456,0.0,0.0,0.1360998127312392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753273036634567,0.0,0.0,0.08462822009415195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167943161460025,0.0,0.13339290601295986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183630235133019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226918834908032,0.0,0.07274924704281834,0.0,0.13148907027483586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646902370711165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285259422317427,0.1231787779864965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114637157443075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029002422141276,0.0,0.09892829352896293,0.0,0.0,0.11821683861116565,0.08682983407479618,0.0,0.14114799326839633,0.14228860095119525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155019161137643,0.0,0.0,0.1640018455478035,0.0,0.08783018266013252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958922914952021
ptsd,gaMEgRenE,2020/02/29,"A simple mindful activity At the suggestion of my therapist, I went out and bought the materials to make bath bombs. I made the first batch expecting to be done and put it away for the day, but I ended up going at it for 2 hours. Between the essential oils and the textural sensations, I was free of ruminations for those hours. I still am to an extent, I feel calm and serene. I’ve assembled a small army of varying scent and color combinations, just left some with my mom. I’m hype as hell to try these, and they’re the polar opposite from my tough guy persona so it’s doubly effective. 


I think/hope this is a symbol of progress as it’s a vulnerable activity and will be useful following stressful therapy sessions. 


I’ll link the recipe if anyone wants it :)",3.4523752598752613,5.5567332500000015,5.114864864864868,78.66880457380461,74.60810810810811,9.148440748440748,27.600831600831604,9.661875296680813,2.813507692307692,603,24,115,17,13,204,103,148,0.09300000000000001,0.737,0.17,0.9266,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,1,1,13,0,7,0,0,4,0,22,17,12,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,9,0,0,3,1,2,4,0,3,0,1,5,4,10,3,21,9,2,17,1,0,1,0,4,7,1,2,6,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453725330689091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533429410875566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408200786310345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127597635641132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414278305529647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512339307050196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768445230618614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815762779278298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058593774404697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094905647629344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225890203553806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672544573249126,0.13877870122166888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209925538239266,0.24349669933038545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090027007186345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603379893603473,0.0,0.23815533192310825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23775834203286175,0.2413945977918325,0.0,0.13321760846862868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115435561764691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956381337606134,0.0,0.0,0.12262819683767892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273071133827452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,disder,2020/02/29,"driving me insane i have had a few months of bad days kinda one on top of the other back in 2012, to be fair it was 9 months. it was in south west Asia, and i was learning how to drive.  several collisions mostly minor with one moderate crash.  i was in an area where kids kinda did whatever, so often times they would run out in front of convoys, July 2012 i was driving threw a riot. at the epicenter of the riot was a man  holding a lifeless looking girl. we found out later she was struck by a ""co worker""   he was not concerned with her state, he was more fixated on screaming at me. like not the other guys in my truck.. the driver. me. i cant shake that look he gave me, spit bridging between his lips, veins like a root in his neck just yelling. little child soaked in his arms,  as i was pushing threw the crowd at about maybe 2km/h. was not allowed to stop and render first aid. no further information on the kid. i have a hard time driving at home. i have never told this story in a public setting, its very discouraging not being able to drive my kids around without feeling like i am breathing threw a straw. i just feel like everyone on the roads is out to get me. that is as simple as i can put it.",2.0627383592017736,3.9013932560975633,3.448957871396896,90.25130820399114,77.82113821138209,5.936141906873615,22.970436067997042,6.782984794422108,0.6128520325203257,935,29,197,9,22,306,151,246,0.124,0.807,0.069,-0.9323,1,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,1,0,1,3,10,8,0,1,18,0,24,6,6,3,1,33,35,7,0,1,7,0,3,4,0,1,0,2,1,7,9,9,0,3,5,0,0,13,8,4,0,3,19,7,25,4,38,13,3,53,0,1,2,0,22,28,0,4,14,135,34,2,0.17285442721182873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387708748523246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291438485886328,0.1443262265876289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147680566165302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516981271464434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480078418543255,0.2469744746761562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702988748365645,0.0,0.18952595750582132,0.0,0.0,0.0903093039147952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115305907404355,0.0,0.0,0.15484361471218516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338708418199256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33779176768531616,0.17324554655363994,0.0,0.0,0.290308368716008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736555053484064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759415093461047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331599040318565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342612667729453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737664420610398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952763016927844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451404105798332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158561313139764,0.0,0.0,0.16516981271464434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142623005229834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662549950758332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279082565548405,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Hypothetical-Hawk,2020/03/01,"So Beyond Angry Right Now TW: Sexual Assault, politics, Kavanaugh. 

So, I just need to vent. I have been off Facebook for years but over the past year have gotten back on Facebook to see what my family is up to. During my time off Facebook I think being on Reddit has made me a bit bolder to speak up and say what's on my mind. 

Anyway, somebody shared an article about Kavanaugh that makes a very large leap to claim that all the accusers are lying. I realize there is very little evidence either way but this article was making very unfounded claims. So I started debating with the article sharer. 

However, someone unrelated who's cover photo was a picture of text that says ""I have PTSD - Pretty Tired of Stupid Democrats"" took it upon themselves to call me a stupid liberal and say I need a normal life and common sense. 

I think that cover photo might be one of the singularly most offensive things I've ever seen. Not to mention, my chance at a normal life was taken from me when I was raped, and have since had to struggle with PTSD. 

I just can't even express the rage it makes me feel right now. I have since removed myself from that conversation so that I can cool down, but how can people be so crass and mean? I guess I know how, people are terrible. But it just kills my already small faith in humanity. 

I guess I just needed to vent. What makes people think it's ok to turn an actual mental illness into a joke to attack people they disagree with?? Has anyone else seen this stupid picture before? Sexual Assault PTSD aside, I used to know a veteran with PTSD who was a Democrat. It's just that cover photo was so brazenly insensitive. 

I guess I just need a place to express my anger that isn't on that post.",4.167449757449758,5.849912297297301,5.1028978978979005,81.28924636174641,71.67267267267265,7.765719565719566,25.720605220605226,8.384062270229773,1.7646743820743822,1357,43,250,22,26,443,176,333,0.212,0.721,0.067,-0.996,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,0,24,18,11,1,17,2,27,5,0,8,2,52,55,18,1,6,12,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,22,10,0,0,8,1,0,2,3,13,0,1,14,9,31,5,39,37,4,35,1,0,3,1,14,20,0,5,11,172,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.08958866654179445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130935998264257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419235506640969,0.09406531255669584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444170853350628,0.0,0.07059255910999435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811949342458042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022753954798423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374340963318396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669149386276115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060636492048312424,0.08304309123456388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654580533911344,0.0,0.04641948538221239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30340145053226136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156889072938999,0.0,0.10090751276062908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296895053240366,0.0,0.09201296382342296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686833335339743,0.24512282964083054,0.0,0.0,0.10000281481663864,0.0,0.0,0.09251808431248673,0.09739084674160416,0.09269711687402774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722896747185075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989927690024216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062209603345083436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763848502716289,0.2545847630670883,0.0,0.09591693109031607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792403806069522,0.09339892882937152,0.0,0.0,0.429261628738681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680233858026615,0.0,0.2190216235947464,0.0,0.0,0.07315688643216157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188447857956108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778627790997743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498021803049092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597476493924967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060991318979717,0.17647526345013004,0.0,0.0,0.05353237095372862,0.10551661282677972,0.0,0.0,0.10199899431792353,0.0,0.09985773341750344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929024707749185,0.0,0.2272468011153882,0.0,0.07287072256127039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823912309914855
ptsd,CanadianArtGirl,2020/03/01,"I’m so tired I can literally sleep days away.  It makes me feel awful because I’m not getting anything done. I don’t understand it, I don’t know how to make it better.",0.20916666666666828,2.3078449166666672,2.9977777777777814,89.60000000000002,85.94444444444444,5.822222222222222,22.88888888888889,7.1686216300943375,0.8720222222222218,131,5,29,2,4,46,27,36,0.17600000000000002,0.741,0.083,-0.5095,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,3,0,7,12,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,11,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577151527661218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29423686524122683,0.0,0.0,0.19090769318385928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769765608193669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197103564888397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204852796903889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834995990701126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362025743508848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211199637819294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180915614027074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133997265548313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599469333420657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260247168271386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwawayhelpme1286,2020/03/01,"Someone help me, TW: CSA and Grooming I do not know how to talk about this. I am shaking as i type this out. I will try my best to explain the context.

Ive been a very lonely girl all my life and ive never had any real friends. When i was 12 soon 13 i met a guy who online who was 22. He was one of the first people ever to be nice to me and he felt like the first real friend I'd ever had. I had told him i was 14 because i was honestly scared to death that hed stop talking to me if he knew my age but my intention in saying that wasn't to make him do sexual things with me, it was purely because i was lonely and scared that he'd find me uncool or something like that if he knew my real age. We started dating incidentally and we dated for almost a year and it got progressively more sexual as it went on. One day i told him i had lied about my age in desperate attempt to make him break up with me and just be friends. But he didnt. I was 13 when i told him. The relationship got more sexual after that and nudes were exchanged. One day when i was on a trip i woke up sweaty and crying and i was overcome with the feeling how disgusting all of what had happened was and i had never felt so disgusted and scared in my life. I had justified the relationship up to that point to myself with platitudes like that we love each other and people have always told me i am very mature for my age which must mean its okay and stuff like that. After that i told him how wrong it was and i actually told him he was grooming me and that this was sexual abuse but he gaslighted me so much. I was so scared and so alone. I tried to stop talking to him for some time but i was so alone and he was quite literally my only friend that i came back to him over and over again but then 5 months ago he stopped messaging  me after a fight. The withdrawal was hard but i actually managed to not talk for him and a week ago i blocked him and all of his friends. But i keep having nightmares of people finding out. Ive been in therapy for a long time due to other issues but ive never been able to tell my psychiatrist or my parents. I am so scared and so ashamed. We never met irl but its still scared me. I cant look at myself undressed and i feel almost scared off my own body or as if its an alien creature. It doesn't feel like me anymore. I am scared and i dont know how to tell anyone. I am 14 now. Help me please.",1.925381008761544,3.159590829126216,3.7208193227563378,90.75861946483543,76.63106796116504,6.733128107980107,22.07553871655221,7.3138001815848295,0.542845607388112,1867,49,432,22,41,629,206,515,0.166,0.72,0.114,-0.9863,1,6,1,0,2,0,30.0,4,0,0,6,24,31,3,10,15,1,53,5,2,7,11,96,84,57,1,4,18,1,6,5,5,2,2,1,0,2,30,36,0,5,13,0,1,4,11,16,0,5,48,8,84,15,53,30,10,62,0,2,1,2,60,16,0,9,46,312,114,2,0.062405927302658835,0.07394081916090069,0.12179836576831199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063817839123466,0.0,0.12498104335218148,0.12926744008522711,0.0,0.0,0.051926730750415984,0.0,0.0,0.04243817055624023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188991091134066,0.04363567538010215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798630600774236,0.0,0.07608414810565045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549117056438976,0.0,0.0,0.0693189168240019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137575570551329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854998078537858,0.08049332079332104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313928202362184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289946810403907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466293579760884,0.04458280693431335,0.11983895353363105,0.0,0.1140757739518643,0.10616489976711777,0.0,0.0,0.24107332314719146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998234419077788,0.0,0.0,0.06179167947554611,0.055185355415001316,0.0,0.05590345308985106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365875522096418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513557453504955,0.0,0.055469255565758886,0.0,0.0,0.06859333117909547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815830403279525,0.15244191917466193,0.0,0.0,0.05522728186284593,0.05240526159981658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632378588072427,0.0,0.08331288212898404,0.0,0.0,0.06797834975708388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981181578570683,0.0,0.045875537085479916,0.0,0.19252519335677934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686361425512369,0.04746251983245727,0.0,0.0,0.06929439702602433,0.0,0.0,0.12979323705785895,0.0,0.0,0.0685029680300685,0.0589937726793299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637638538380664,0.0,0.2130948229998968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400122231346387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962769818158769,0.4998337602560148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052876339688654274,0.0480431317153416,0.0,0.0,0.044171236546367,0.0,0.04983745415692597,0.15652244873241192,0.0,0.0,0.07143985627424912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006380818854604,0.1090910622302263,0.0,0.07136661660108408,0.0,0.04145972512224963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277879613070755,0.0,0.0,0.3577892273097129,0.0,0.08473905641170182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298285140423263,0.0,0.0,0.050058270614686415,0.0,0.0,0.05785091982779625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823108485886546,0.0,0.04018737112421505
ptsd,iamanalteredbeast,2020/03/01,"My parents are paying for my university. Today I told them I am taking a semester break to stop thinking about dying a little less. ‘How are we supposed to feel?’

‘You’re talking crazy!’

‘That’s just peachy.’

‘Yeah, we’ll talk later.’ [Threat]

Not to mention my parents force me to be friends with the man who molested me, my bro.",1.91,4.431124444444446,3.2787301587301587,87.5857142857143,82.33333333333334,5.504761904761906,24.87301587301588,6.868970318607317,1.1185301587301593,252,10,48,3,7,82,51,63,0.08800000000000001,0.862,0.05,-0.3164,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,7,8,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,11,1,7,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,0,2,31,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780057255988688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544261236122335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695492094688506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684751045542326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5948736372554544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239504740780396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140414742292,0.4306059027338696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163963582686842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25390848602269395,0.25596030385714685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LimpMulberry7,2020/03/01,I am a CPT failure. I just finished Cognitive Processing Therapy and it did nothing for me.  I feel so stupid and that I am a complete failure.  I could not unstick a single stuck point.  I absolutely hate myself.   I really wish I would have never started down that road.,2.3064705882352925,5.044781901960782,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,82.92156862745098,7.321568627450981,30.068627450980397,8.344100000000001,2.9324745098039218,211,11,36,5,6,72,38,51,0.27899999999999997,0.633,0.08800000000000001,-0.9047,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,9,11,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,10,0,2,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34156713169527825,0.0,0.0,0.2601034904761191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472078080412195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216337119931736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512564704468603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31258829014706674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079610900436143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869873299935374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23058403518850915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725501869605842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746232447335259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23142002219049246,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BriefCommission,2020/03/01,"social differences I was badly abused as a kid as such I feel like there is a part of me missing, like it never had the opportunity to form. Because of this iv'e always felt isolated and different from everyone else, I  can't seem to be able to maintain friendships maybe I'm too different. Over the years I've given up trying as I know eventually everyone just gives up trying to connect with me. I used to try really hard to fit in and not stand out in any way but I guess people just saw through me or din't like me maybe I seemed fake to them I don't know. I was just wandering if anyone else had this problem and maybe could give me advise on how I can make friends",3.675547445255475,4.829327978102191,4.912124087591241,84.24628832116791,72.13868613138686,8.39970802919708,26.10875912408759,8.841846274778883,1.7880487591240877,531,17,111,10,10,176,92,137,0.134,0.762,0.10400000000000001,-0.4970000000000001,2,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,7,9,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,3,1,25,25,10,0,3,7,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,4,16,5,22,16,2,12,0,1,1,0,7,8,0,5,5,72,19,1,0.13152627493579794,0.15583712846328288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944039709678956,0.0,0.0,0.08944237718449098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196622957332484,0.13476421172779834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981894571521697,0.08017719641811485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501302814583748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41225089010186505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197466512517658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513579842716802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650363652992097,0.0939623970943264,0.12628585001260864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161687375036584,0.0,0.0,0.2523439754448973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489102024513256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782170794925376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456680199093155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19277128285459855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779480983790794,0.0,0.3964074645177457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144117156813946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243013861354326,0.0,0.09118375833803112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585288210213252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425909964662294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394731618402633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407447380267618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678931212099158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359647201150913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043994349998644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469860880034154
ptsd,angierecio,2020/03/01,"It’s been 7 months since my bff died and i still dream about her... idk what to do I want peace Since July I’ve been dreaming with her. At first it was beautiful and I loved it but as the months went by I just wanted this to end... to have peace and stop dreaming with her. It’s not that I don’t want to dream with her but it’s just that I don’t like the feeling when I wake up, reminding to myself she’s not longer here. I don’t know what to do to stop dreaming about her. I’m so tired. I just want to forget her forever. I want this to end. Plus, my mom doesn’t wAnt me to go with a psychologist... so, any tips to at least stop this?",-0.2715995975855137,1.3647299084507054,1.5783903420523124,101.8118309859155,84.4225352112676,5.183903420523139,15.77665995975855,6.1826913282559595,-0.8970016096579481,485,8,130,4,14,159,70,142,0.13,0.6659999999999999,0.204,0.713,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,3,0,10,3,1,0,0,27,22,10,1,6,7,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,8,0,3,2,5,0,2,6,0,0,1,4,1,21,2,23,18,1,15,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,11,86,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393370031418652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388122128457148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967833899895345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471381947479625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251038293371782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952174740373436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092076212707544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185212372219708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121239339454162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622212361380853,0.2674594318015287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771834757208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337985472020372,0.4202156109130158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256386013329307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5929205265925865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531228788067974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hnna97,2020/03/01,"Somatic Experiencing Can anyone explain me how a tipical Somatic Experience session looks like?
Is the therapist going to touch me?
Happy for any shared experience!",6.456923076923076,10.403450461538466,8.72961538461539,44.052884615384635,82.84615384615384,11.830769230769231,41.115384615384606,10.125756701596842,7.406030769230767,136,9,14,6,4,48,23,26,0.0,0.7040000000000001,0.29600000000000004,0.8501,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328810038865893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394523551461924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6699730028987846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946249518817812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645494972162076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673061147852588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875757783698826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976164117152912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,aquaKoala1,2020/03/01,"I have ocd and i think PTSD is affecting it. Ive received EMDR years ago by a professional. Is it okay to do it online by myself? Not looking for medical advice. Anecdotals welcome please not looking for medical advice. 

Hi so i believe that a traumatic event years ago caused my ocd to surface. Ive read about the possibility of that. Ive worked with a professional with EMDR and i did feel better and i think it helped ocd. I posted in r/ocd and someome recommended it. I was wondering if self emdr like on youtube is effective or recommended? I dont think it would matter for this subreddit but my fears are around rabies and it had significantly affected my lfie. I also had other traumatic events a little after my first one involving hospitilazations. I am past these events however im  not sure if emdr could help. Maybe if someone has a similar situation or advice that would be appreciated. I know ptsd and ocd work in the same area of the brain which is why im wondering this as a possibility
Thanks have a great day",2.6523488694047046,5.3695394517766495,4.913440239963084,75.78471504383944,80.87817258883248,8.45491462851869,25.70581449007845,9.095868883498916,2.678951269035533,820,33,149,24,22,284,113,197,0.079,0.76,0.161,0.9116,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,5,4,8,0,1,10,1,22,3,1,4,1,35,32,15,0,6,9,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,15,9,0,0,8,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,4,3,19,7,18,24,1,20,0,0,2,0,7,7,0,7,12,101,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34040142958096903,0.20585953231653895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285786749282553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336779595538284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082289056657778,0.0,0.1026951042710546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962378003546438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928304600191265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927091218887806,0.0,0.0,0.07488516899890951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360870055010151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306627037144269,0.058711703242546626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987681509777215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801822305817173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556601208949036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508502605906388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638142785875837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567283782922763,0.11637866688927333,0.0,0.0,0.1950162737805671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665405900735976,0.0,0.0,0.2339491674819213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868315946114861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108457942429675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274604224872339,0.0,0.261806529301582,0.1112069637998188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271466617438796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161473528991024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113423922472627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051917070069755,0.0,0.0,0.0983846509152142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094378901126504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069039479339442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320719870161665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477656639945612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518455464278713,0.1690675603547699,0.0,0.0,0.16497085068323988,0.0,0.0,0.14954970417910496
ptsd,Newton_Serge,2020/03/01,"Jobhunt advice - when is the best time to ask for a slight amendment to working hours for therapy Not sure this is the right place to post - but I'm currently looking for a new job and I was wondering when the appropriate time would be to tell my new prospective employer that depending on the hours I might need to start work slightly earlier to finish earlier in order to attend my therapy appointment each week? I don't want to give them a reason not to hire me straight off the bat but I also don't want to leave it so late that in asking for the accommodation they feel like I've led them on (in the sense I'm now asking for stuff none of the other staff are asking for). 

Also, what have other people's experiences with job hunting and PTSD been, any tips/things you would have found helpful to have known? Thanks!",4.381625258799172,5.842024217391305,5.033804347826088,82.8692572463768,70.80124223602485,8.348033126293997,26.46014492753623,8.841846274778883,1.9024902691511385,653,21,128,12,12,210,103,161,0.026000000000000002,0.8640000000000001,0.11,0.938,5,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,3,3,6,4,0,0,11,0,14,0,0,3,1,22,30,9,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,2,11,4,25,23,3,27,0,0,1,0,11,9,0,3,15,84,19,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232884945609965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022000684299185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512975616036636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681224540402678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313734147284929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245446691430713,0.0,0.0,0.06329704710209201,0.08943183538586141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372583482988152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008838413278715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390853492615083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465630418557604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248452609855259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412135742945221,0.13255231558061106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061158825829965124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512345567772366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280097706292446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282272425124223,0.0,0.2418079500082536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678717356864199,0.0,0.1307911635624964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989215159775447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633398727748906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871052059103813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690688327445916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860623696091828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330630809588898,0.0,0.0,0.11798491446581205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094167751014063,0.11525307313637648,0.28631878281319056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599218314657358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767412893671567,0.0,0.10041545889897632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575725566027394,0.18227162116217768,0.0,0.0,0.17785496126779193,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,greysrays,2020/03/01,Had my first repressed memory of sexual assault as a child. It felt like I was there and the fear and helplessness was the worst part. My mom was sitting right there watching me helplessly. I stop her to please help. I kept saying no and stop but I was weak. It ended and I woke up. The whole dream has left me wondering if this finally means progress in moving past things. They were repressed for almost 20 years now. I knew I had to face them before healing. But I knew I had to remember first. Is this my brain finally letting me do it?,1.6482398753894074,4.125640981308415,2.77535046728972,91.046265576324,83.11214953271029,6.5573208722741425,22.00077881619938,7.793537801064563,1.1008199376947043,423,14,87,8,12,135,73,107,0.20600000000000002,0.695,0.098,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,3,3,9,1,3,4,0,12,4,2,0,0,19,19,8,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,4,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,8,0,2,13,3,18,1,8,5,3,16,0,2,1,0,7,4,0,3,11,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632873831952806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498396538969936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657472045842905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596350862796862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815025028570168,0.0,0.0,0.169074052443081,0.3857960619296013,0.0,0.2995641951396509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802944160041184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132234305570456,0.18006399576589496,0.0,0.08602869860617607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918136754857068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062345259303071,0.0,0.1871558443462236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068835283618224,0.1680978676238449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329398443006532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19947568795427487,0.15037993151984191,0.0,0.1400338670785941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944383154800782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116986397709619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965982404677758,0.0,0.0,0.1909621362461981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339621204382895
ptsd,zipzapzip2233,2020/03/01,"PTSD & becoming a parent Around 8 weeks ago my wife and I had a beautiful baby girl. I love it, it's great. But I'll cut to the chase, this has been difficult for me. When I see her struggling or crying, I get really bad PTSD like symptoms. My mind starts playing all these horrible scenes and images of her being hurt in various ways that I can't even write down. It's almost a thought like ""that's probably what she would sound like if someone was doing _____ to her..."". And I start spiraling. Sometimes I can brush it off, but many times I can't. Last night was really bad. My stupid fucking mother in law wouldn't stop shoving the goddamn pacifier in her mouth even though she was crying and really, really was not wanting/taking it. I almost snapped but luckily kept my cool and just picked her up and took her away. I'm heavy breathing right now just thinking about it. I promised myself I would cool it with the substances after she was born, and I've been doing ok, but far from perfect. Last night my RPM's just got so fucking high I had to have a swig of booze just to be able to chill down enough to fall asleep. 

I wasn't abused as a baby, but later on in life. I've also been abused emotionally my whole life by the media and my parents failure to protect me from it as a child. A regular dinner table chinwag would often include all the horrible things my parents had heard about in the news. Even though we were only kids, my parents would talk about news stories about kidnappings, rape, terrorism, etc. you know, all that good stuff... it certainly doesn't seem like there is any shortage of that shit in the world. I often lay awake in bed at night trying to go to sleep, thinking to myself that there is some poor child out there in the world suffering at the hands of some demon and there's nobody to rescue them. I am sorry I am very aware that this is probably very triggering for y'all but I have to get this off my chest. I don't even wanna talk to my wife about this stuff because I don't wanna put this horrible poison into her head. But I have to do something. This is a cry for help. I can't just rely on substances to numb the pain everytime the pain in my head becomes too much. I've been battling with alcohol for years now as it is. 

Any advice or suggestions are welcome and appreciated.",3.9238127302756967,5.1775995701943875,4.630169609960613,86.12107959598528,71.65658747300216,7.779672214458138,25.712679456231733,8.219915518859313,1.4787604370473884,1823,56,371,27,34,585,232,463,0.18600000000000005,0.674,0.14,-0.9843,4,0,2,0,2,0,52.0,1,2,1,1,29,33,8,2,19,3,43,23,9,2,5,64,62,28,0,8,16,7,1,4,0,5,8,2,1,4,27,16,3,3,5,1,1,4,9,18,0,0,19,7,51,15,61,36,10,50,1,2,1,4,33,27,3,10,22,255,78,0,0.07713240883447098,0.18277858336803487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537289721609226,0.06837322652851804,0.08243108758063622,0.15447393138870127,0.0,0.0,0.06168275947775467,0.0,0.08357293274656928,0.0,0.10490536598088386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068664196882985,0.0,0.0,0.07246843714361992,0.0,0.12880467910782775,0.047019200508358096,0.17037337114416148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25417898773732395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676357820037636,0.0,0.07969839711855575,0.08602302488190271,0.2037809143283804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261533814478206,0.08059700018647589,0.0,0.04383612545768898,0.06469500500800389,0.06168983352456979,0.08503875304132807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583202083293094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170022776034782,0.08149462479672501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257183894772531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04238995470866788,0.1257464158511282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896180287223199,0.1507319953922446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961501042341106,0.0,0.0,0.07820015614787595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788174494470873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670119546204407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715062179543965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866267263807338,0.1641486424781032,0.0,0.34258564802204217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663235649308479,0.0,0.1803273165950171,0.07753937499291509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765198475027645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587065570031644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146454347443684,0.07021844811222305,0.0,0.0,0.07917530924608579,0.0,0.0,0.07718811293767225,0.0,0.06535403970131982,0.05938029666932269,0.0762859246078788,0.08634341676686866,0.10918943194273617,0.0,0.0,0.06448614754625796,0.0,0.0806355409552258,0.17659630869667278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017010625088274,0.0,0.1239922169948594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124334508779741,0.09884666622192946,0.15156440011447528,0.06123451684089633,0.04497652787378082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569694428447816,0.05236784249431552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728463049554614,0.0,0.06122411591469488,0.06187096581183357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611557990656607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917060079634254,0.0,0.0,0.049670742404039264
ptsd,throwaway23682847461,2020/03/01,"Need help feeling safe in my own home TW gun violence 

When I was around 7/8 I was staying at a friends house, I wanted to stay another night but had to go home for school or something. Later that day, my friends estranged father entered their home and murdered the entire family.

Then while I was growing up my parents would have to leave me home alone a lot. Before my parents would leave, my dad would always hand me a shotgun or ak47 and show me how to position myself up against the couch because I was too small to properly shoot the gun. I know he thought this was helping me learn to protect myself in case someone broke in, but it made things much worse. I would sleep with the gun under my bed, though I would never allow myself to sleep while I was there alone. 

I was also afraid of sleeping in the dark until I was well into to my teenage years. 

In the middle of my 20s I joined the military. My job made me do and see some truly fucked up things. I have really bad guilt from a lot of this time. I’m not able to discuss specifics about what I did, so most of the time I just don’t talk about it. 

I got diagnosed with PTSD. I have so many issues that I deal with everyday, but the number one problem I’m suffering from right now is sleeping. 

I have my own family and house now. I know I’m safe, but I can’t stop myself from freaking out at night, not every night but it’s enough to effect my life. Something in my brain clicks on and says you and your family aren’t safe, and that’s it I don’t sleep the rest of the night. Idk what’s triggering it. 

I do go to a psychiatrist and have been for a while, but nothing is helping. My father tells me I should get a gun to feel safe, but I absolutely refuse. I would feel less safe with a gun and i don’t foresee that changing. I just need to know what to do to feel safe in my own home and get some sleep.",2.7037984496124032,3.9816381266149854,3.6497855297157638,91.87173255813956,74.71059431524549,6.710387596899222,23.494315245478035,7.1686216300943375,0.6598386563307495,1453,41,325,15,30,466,179,387,0.179,0.695,0.126,-0.9747,4,2,2,7,0,0,34.0,0,2,1,1,16,18,2,2,19,0,33,11,8,6,1,70,56,30,1,11,13,5,5,0,2,7,2,1,7,0,16,17,0,9,10,1,0,4,8,9,1,1,15,8,55,9,50,34,12,46,0,2,2,1,20,20,1,7,20,225,71,3,0.07296069295496341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113054821525826,0.0,0.05834663979611191,0.06070914129778088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650564812328857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649504852950958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091913104721376,0.044476161228677175,0.0,0.06208417589571812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144826288762266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718273890370697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047053611068420514,0.07521927074329042,0.0,0.0740535675387665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538789944507726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061472530583440835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063425439476584,0.0,0.14756447432626033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273850078036113,0.06745098496392038,0.07623790145483701,0.0,0.08293048637226932,0.0,0.05835333124222938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671204362693172,0.0,0.3659276194255631,0.0,0.0,0.1683736875597573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615200766184925,0.07240222973819226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029186628325796,0.0,0.0,0.1545096782937838,0.0,0.0,0.051534295138124186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240571441024786,0.0,0.1380743435794795,0.0,0.07397069102275372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363450428682487,0.10819885868904357,0.056271784290914895,0.0,0.0,0.2738746713813837,0.0,0.07000775265105799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944005378385822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202843042121376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981352960108597,0.08528714567774305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046740488172266406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062308033133085285,0.0,0.05802127146557352,0.0,0.07384011645591745,0.05814022603234498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380803057690869,0.0,0.06181935837434279,0.11233741194736033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553278192179085,0.0,0.060998406273917886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058643041295270475,0.06377086151535508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694368485131888,0.0,0.07168351038657989,0.05792264041775294,0.08508793359277905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043034107051209136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656004251934848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435317932748911,0.3109750975839561,0.0,0.0,0.04698429415271413
ptsd,usernameusergame,2020/03/01,"memories from my childhood are very concerning & I wonder if anyone could ever relate I'm not going to do into detail about my abuse. I just feel like no one could ever relate.

My  sisters don't remember any of the abuse. I wonder if I was the only  one. I don't think so because I have memories of them as well being  abused alongside me. It's been repressed for years. I started  remembering about 3 years ago.

I  wonder if some of it happened & some didn't, as I've heard that  repressed memories & PTSD can spiral out of control & make  people not remember things correctly. However, even writing that doesn't  feel correct. Is that just people trying to manipulate us into thinking  we are delusional? I don't see people as intentionally manipulative, as  I'm sure abusers have been abused themselves, and I wouldn't think it  crazy to say worse. It's like abuse just slowly fizzles out with each  generation. Like people with PTSD abuse other people and repress those  memories of how they were abused as well as the abuse they inflicted. I  wonder if that's why they lie about it.

Does  anyone else think these things? It's not right. Abuse should never  happen. Though sometimes I wonder if everybody had it as bad as me &  we are all doomed to continue the cycle of abuse with just a little  less abuse than our parents/ abusers. I don't understand how we are all  at different stages, like how some people abuse more than other people.  How did it all begin? What makes people so different?

I think I need to trust my memories & feelings.

Hope this makes at least some sense... to somebody.",5.004555139648719,6.750264655629138,5.433518571839908,79.49370141088397,69.66225165562913,8.16608119781169,27.368845378635182,8.716276077567194,2.1296471062481994,1274,43,226,22,23,407,147,302,0.21100000000000002,0.706,0.083,-0.9938,4,0,0,0,14,0,44.0,5,0,4,1,19,14,0,3,5,0,26,0,0,11,9,76,54,22,0,11,12,2,3,4,0,2,0,2,0,0,20,13,0,4,17,0,0,1,12,5,2,2,8,6,30,9,36,41,11,20,1,1,1,0,14,8,0,15,14,158,50,0,0.0,0.7718029640032411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412447969409434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024823150143721,0.0,0.031641043852831965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506775858398701,0.047674049676432094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884943789094048,0.028363402983240287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218578183354247,0.07429860281614409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722496876528247,0.0,0.0,0.040717491821405535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038868675272506766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03073170178830233,0.08417556587429356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057877527591801,0.03324004147213468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02644327589873196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229017546391006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04621339881152112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092609575567287,0.046633881172187364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317460634132063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03450036768624342,0.03588572507917091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630579676953092,0.03538709731595308,0.0,0.0,0.05166450453254957,0.0,0.0,0.2580565845461407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877888807491824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812350236944953,0.039735170572843724,0.0,0.037001410614478716,0.0,0.0,0.037077270495836034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601797559738878,0.0,0.03293318289357555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043852655298963816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182306935125718,0.14906824219097792,0.0457141137224969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03158986550111788,0.0,0.0,0.048437914007787915,0.05596817744911699,0.0,0.0,0.03839096825642814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366959936439003,0.0,0.04198482486271196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522914121588131,0.0,0.0,0.047416618927780346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992578640430325
ptsd,CharlieMayhem,2020/03/01,"Prolonged episode. Help. Hey everyone.

I have ptsd, and one of its main features for me is dissociation. 

I had a first date this afternoon and about midway through I started dissociating very badly. I pulled it off and it went relatively well overall, which is nice :)

But my problem is that I’m stuck in this heightened dissociative/ semi panicked state. It has been over 12 hours and it’s not getting better. This is unusual for me, especially since I’ve been using all the coping skills I can think of. Usually these episodes will last a few hours and naturally dissipate.

I’ve had tea, used a weighted blanket, I was writing, I had ice cream (because the cold can help sometimes), I’ve done breathing exercises...

It’s almost 4 in the morning and I can’t sleep.

If anyone has any tips, or if there’s just something I’m not thinking of, please let me know. I’m very uncomfortable and I kind of feel like I might freak out.",2.76413576555024,5.4265412329545475,3.912404306220101,83.51130382775122,79.85227272727272,6.659808612440193,28.01315789473684,7.85451343220497,1.9709590909090908,731,33,138,13,19,237,119,176,0.121,0.79,0.09,-0.6656,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,4,8,0,0,6,0,20,5,2,2,1,26,33,11,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,8,2,0,4,1,0,2,3,3,1,2,9,4,14,5,13,21,3,16,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,5,9,86,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644410482358476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167417176723414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482535282992452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711553955907416,0.10010603794824424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523786677079792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805248146622218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691775864097132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830337784255121,0.11731768768990583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968412277023784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085797358014922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22014432002901688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234441719271739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710082366010591,0.09025016097276986,0.1338599480738843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792448295990414,0.0,0.08022883570759765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420981560717913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127866622308648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802625353092734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713487069205515,0.19196257064129527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584319210788112,0.0,0.16433703847257966,0.0,0.0,0.12642337954471514,0.16241623807184308,0.0,0.11623465838879778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21044909341048765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836640153559057,0.18086341312169546,0.2709948257914421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999738215013552,0.14765210109018362,0.1522321408548995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,breathinginsawdust,2020/03/01,"My PTSD is stopping me from living my life in any type of normal or fun capacity. TW. I don’t know the protocol here so I’m gonna do this just in case— TW for s*xual assault/abuse


I (18F) got diagnosed with PTSD when I was quite young as a result of bullying that turned life-threatening as well as repeated sexual abuse by a family member when I was growing up. I was in therapy for the sexual abuse stuff as well as my other mental illnesses, but I had to stop going last August when I went off to college because of some dumb policy they had. I dropped out in October because I became too suicidal to do anything, and have been on the waiting list to get back into therapy ever since.

I’ve mostly ‘moved on’ from the trauma from the family member that sexually abused me—I repressed so much of it that I can barely remember what happened at this point, and I would very much like it to stay that way. However, when I was in 10th grade, I believe in May of 2017, I was sexually assaulted in the middle of one of my classes by a classmate I hardly knew. I have been unable to get over this. Any time I hear the boy’s name, see a picture of him, or even think about him, I have terrible panic attacks. I have nightmares nearly every night, and I am truly terrified of him to my core. The words he spoke to me echo in my head and haunt me. I ran into him at a CVS a few months ago and ended up sobbing and rocking back and forth on my couch for at least an hour once I got home, and now every time I go back to that CVS I’m scared I’ll see him again. I am terrified of getting close to any man, and I’ve rejected two people that asked me out (one of which I knew quite well and actually liked) because I’m so terrified of it happening again. I’m worried that when I finally have sex, it’s just going to throw me right back to that moment and I’ll ruin everything for myself because I’ll shut down and start to panic. 

TL;DR: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. This is mostly a vent post, but long story short, I’m putting my life on hold and shutting down possible meaningful connections and potential pivotal moments/experiences because of this stupid piece of shit boy that assaulted me in the tenth grade with at least twenty people right there. It’s been three years and I feel like I should have moved on by now, but I can’t. He’s ruining my life even now, and I feel weak for letting him.",5.2945354951796695,4.966308122699386,6.495918054338301,79.5958665644172,67.97750511247443,10.094098743791996,29.938723342097568,9.784248007369934,2.5720428863569973,1868,61,388,38,28,633,234,489,0.222,0.7340000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.9986,1,1,0,0,4,0,45.0,0,0,1,2,29,24,6,4,17,0,31,9,2,1,1,55,64,34,1,3,7,0,3,3,0,4,6,2,2,3,24,23,0,5,9,1,0,10,3,17,3,5,17,7,54,7,76,42,9,84,0,4,2,1,16,37,3,6,36,265,78,5,0.0,0.36470198289428574,0.07509401777847065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821327431349268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569899258072897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332491079395249,0.0,0.07193969989967193,0.08754396979187225,0.0,0.23668524573298,0.0,0.23454601933550606,0.0,0.0,0.08669851349880922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810462505748644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815660079328248,0.0,0.0,0.10165209479428564,0.06960745828980829,0.12967069952547727,0.0,0.06915946461247846,0.07527378808820635,0.14508692886405514,0.0,0.07781845171081156,0.05497449945934279,0.0,0.0842971167161886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061267754283052,0.0,0.13120072589109816,0.0,0.12309103285655296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609673773549066,0.0,0.06893384609433509,0.0,0.07897491714561745,0.0,0.08673045770721673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718909557854979,0.0,0.0757821851285427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845815754350233,0.06272612244512023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868859827931954,0.21741379561533986,0.11278452990538745,0.0,0.06794999527585165,0.0681000678441638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754948183039186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142232461977661,0.1635755220108941,0.11313709755505405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221420666123654,0.07539658764526025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195133171329826,0.10428928657863093,0.0,0.0,0.18057310234553284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669760730822428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274448037878714,0.08675177874615955,0.07369871136774404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990545916363024,0.07735797950506831,0.0,0.16369577482061726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717157591200042,0.13143311599083915,0.0,0.0,0.07704234174690028,0.0,0.12264150684264136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899008665630576,0.06365546098069455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446699718154825,0.08202055633437227,0.0,0.12867057751497338,0.0,0.0,0.08809158978954996,0.08417296034105305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760025577363009,0.0,0.0,0.04930771224580433,0.0,0.0,0.08974261971513127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370164104489178,0.07517088864043665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349343051890954,0.0,0.06108088831742125,0.0,0.0,0.2075671753693676,0.07133524287695571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078148456203625,0.0,0.054664468362255136,0.0,0.0,0.049554542749980716
ptsd,basicdinosaurbitch,2020/03/01,"Anniversary of the end ***Trigger warning doe those that have been abused and child  abuse**** 

I turned my step father in 7 years ago end of February arrested on March 1st. He did everything imaginable to me and my siblings. He tortured us, raped us every day if not every other day, ect. Even to this day I feel his hand on me. Starved, raped, beaten, tortured (hooked onto a car battery and water boarded) , attempted homicide. My step father tried to kill me many times. He choked me until I was unconscious, put a gun to my head, tried to drown me,  strangulation, the works. I have a boyfriend but he's gone on a family emergency down in Florida. I'm trying to be positive and say ""I'm out of the situation and I'm alive and so are my siblings"" but I'm still struggling with being okay. Just in general work is almost impossible and I'm trying to be strong for my siblings... I just feel empty today. Anyone feel the same as me with anniversaries of trauma? Fu*ck everything currently. 
My siblings try to celebrate every year on the day that I  ""saved"" them but I shouldn't have had to do that. My step father was a cop, a Mormon (we live Utah) and was well respected. A lot of people like to turn their heads away in shock and disbelief of the fact that it happened for 16 years but I feel it evey day. Does it ever get any easier?",1.6708717948717968,4.214223830769235,3.3115384615384613,86.75679487179491,83.76923076923076,6.851282051282053,22.128205128205128,8.021203637495839,1.4042205128205127,1036,35,203,22,30,342,150,260,0.158,0.718,0.124,-0.4606,1,0,0,1,2,1,46.0,3,0,2,5,7,15,6,1,13,1,16,6,3,1,2,35,30,17,2,2,8,3,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,10,13,1,0,5,0,0,6,2,9,1,0,7,6,28,6,34,19,2,36,1,0,0,2,15,12,0,3,19,125,38,3,0.0,0.2555098296424849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558029797852076,0.0,0.1079710958637252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332465241944157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539370072735382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130507463086992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476908106485877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871665227497209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910017743199423,0.0,0.0,0.07121735181576552,0.09753382566406636,0.2725414713879995,0.0,0.1938121957118288,0.0,0.10164775135909164,0.0,0.21807810510791648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633407757044481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095349232811199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131897902792835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119292313593087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267781617881776,0.0,0.0952113919390074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166890281177166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931755902236548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747522326317801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839383985776807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574671508799975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211997432142211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610913136992211,0.0,0.0,0.11272203205073385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287358597041172,0.0,0.1022054295493302,0.0,0.0,0.3660302609831661,0.23456513040540214,0.0,0.0,0.25940023831665243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694756468849436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569956719066361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830716645259886
ptsd,RedRussett,2020/03/01,"The epitome of struggling Every day is just dreading waking up..
Every night is dreading going to sleep.. being asleep is usually worse than being awake because of the nightmares.

I have multiple panic attacks every day and they’re only getting worse. I miss so much school and other activities because my anxiety prohibits me from going. I vomit and black out at just thinking about going to class some days.  

I have so much pressure on me from every part of my life... and even though I do put some of it on myself, I just always feel so defeated. 

Just like everyone else... I am so exhausted
I feel like fighting this mental illness isn’t worth it anymore.. I’ve worn my brain and body down to its core. 

I keep myself so busy I barely have time to think. And anytime I do take a breath and think I have a panic attack realizing how much is going on & going wrong. And any time I do manage to successfully prevent a panic attack from happening, it just feels like it holds off and makes the next one even more intense. Like they build up if I don’t let them out.

I take psychiatric medicine and I take it every day like I’m supposed to but I still feel completely worthless. I’ve worked so hard to become something and have a good influence on those around me, but I just don’t know if I can do it anymore. 

I fantasize becoming seriously injured, but not dead, because then I could relax for a minute and people wouldn’t be skeptical of me missing things. Since it’s mental.. people don’t seem to believe me when I tell them I can’t do something or go to something because I cannot mentally handle it. But if I broke my leg or something, they can see that I couldn’t handle it. And I would feel less guilty and hate myself less.. because a lot of the time I just feel like I’m being lazy and that I should just force myself through things.

Sometimes I do force myself to do things, and usually it ends up worse and I panic and do something stupid or something goes terribly wrong. 

I over work my mind and body so much that my mental illness is making me physically ill. I don’t have a consistent eating or sleeping schedule and my blood pressure is through the roof. I also have a ton of other medical issues that only continue to get worse.

Ive been suffering for years with mental illness.. and there hasn’t been many ups throughout, mostly just downs and even worse downs. I just want to get better. I am very proactive in trying to get there, too. I have multiple doctors, therapists, and treatments. It just seems that I am one of those rare cases that will never get better. I just don’t think I was made to be happy. 

I feel like I was put here to help others, which I do to an insane extent. But in doing that I give part of myself away, and I just feel like I have no more to give and that I’ve fulfilled all I can...

I could never actually commit suicide, I couldn’t hurt the few of those that do love me. But I do wish that I just didn’t exist. I feel numb and like nothing anyways. I wish I could just become nothing.

Since I can’t do that... I wish I could just get over it and function normally, since life is so short. I tell myself that I’m not really sick and that I can do anything I want to, but when I try my brain and body break down. I just don’t know what to do anymore.",4.3102081235313845,5.138935250755292,5.191442094662642,84.04461195031892,70.3595166163142,7.7575562269217855,27.248875461564282,7.870641169985416,1.5632023094998315,2584,83,517,31,45,844,261,662,0.185,0.6829999999999999,0.131,-0.9861,0,0,6,0,2,2,76.0,0,0,4,6,41,45,7,9,15,0,71,27,12,5,4,116,124,57,2,18,33,0,10,9,0,4,13,0,0,0,38,33,1,3,18,1,1,8,20,29,0,2,7,12,89,16,61,101,18,53,0,7,2,1,11,23,0,13,30,380,127,7,0.0,0.0,0.04826666942784707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03955383587356739,0.041155401910182535,0.0535908265667432,0.0,0.03363508428769992,0.0,0.03783742634732399,0.0,0.14715566265768878,0.0,0.0,0.0407020775590449,0.04403065616542953,0.0,0.16880662303131527,0.04647011082288593,0.0,0.0,0.1507544211348609,0.16387691836062088,0.0,0.055725457429612914,0.0,0.08748823140204086,0.0,0.16481961259504818,0.0,0.11042936606809964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185877592381611,0.0,0.0,0.15796190415226605,0.0,0.0,0.12759266452790666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050625291167367706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061081281704835,0.041318206030835185,0.0,0.04380764563057184,0.0,0.0,0.09800530457481964,0.0,0.2083645599752514,0.047261976109632564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508009530624196,0.17667425920618354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504756325440214,0.09489473726838876,0.1686584964453657,0.04148542691007627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04373807957556529,0.052652010517255717,0.04430721993915292,0.04883236427643008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03315257522154695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052948878960170885,0.0,0.0,0.05162429272748198,0.0,0.04396308940456739,0.0,0.0,0.05436479578509406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057708554219166,0.06987134336703238,0.21747672248317934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042049858688691134,0.0446403617467426,0.04680106637998045,0.06603102291947263,0.05014555392379828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982661794409938,0.2492245930195445,0.0,0.049941373945843116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543770727051095,0.0,0.07629453651258783,0.0,0.052602191052484135,0.046415671234885436,0.048461146167422295,0.09491806787549656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703192436721557,0.07523443325417288,0.0,0.23212667257155065,0.0,0.107122593745328,0.0,0.0685798721794425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944366102216412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031685896639063016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005703597308251,0.03941390568799693,0.0900546277579921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274361593607255,0.0,0.09899317009733127,0.0,0.0,0.2284643419134814,0.0489180601994885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039499510682985836,0.0,0.0,0.051707235206777134,0.0,0.054102158490575175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156524500606284,0.0,0.0864619521778334,0.0,0.0,0.057427876464881386,0.09857880281505338,0.1267701006081453,0.04859504873939434,0.0,0.08652308441181364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716136128183424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894831004592613,0.04081039358869947,0.05834659933175735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063266135765667,0.0,0.0,0.0720161975971901,0.0,0.2520242349923128,0.035135579396930586,0.10815538276928334,0.0,0.03185117542408512
ptsd,_Mad_Jack_Samuels,2020/03/01,"Lost my date tonight  tonight sucked. 

Had a beautiful woman to take on a date and havent felt like, this happy in a while talking and getting to know a girl. Havent dated ever since I was diagnosed returning from fighting in ukraine. 

But then I had the shakes and the memories, and I flipped shit at our table. 

I got super tense, like gripping the table white knuckled, had my stare and wanted to fly out my seat, wouldn't look at her even. 

Freaked her out. She asked if I had trauma and PTSD, I said yes, and she called the date off.

Yep. Am trying to keep the nerves down and  somehow trying to convince myself I'm ok and I'll be able to date again. 

Just had to get that off my chest. Might just sleep in tomorrow",1.841467980295569,3.929231082758623,2.609285714285715,94.80250000000002,79.55172413793103,5.5221674876847295,22.081280788177338,6.5431188927421005,0.3158177339901478,557,17,121,5,14,174,93,145,0.154,0.7120000000000001,0.134,-0.0374,0,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,6,13,3,1,9,3,12,4,3,0,1,23,26,13,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,2,2,11,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,10,6,16,6,19,13,0,25,0,1,3,0,12,11,2,3,15,77,18,0,0.21095624599127072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972156130018978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21540991347936272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214116149087047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933461090149396,0.1908220019721152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025510785086918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043186326495484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872098113904238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245668465731624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750760429104849,0.0,0.0,0.11593603581435324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612513195951665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771501159444639,0.0,0.2302836624440857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379123985761826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465965625435215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066769843194576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165435549873264,0.17450518664567452,0.0,0.21110859606921092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861284315669108,0.16955863964720932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864508869928051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442745957351775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,manual-samuel,2020/03/01,"Uncontrollable Anger When Triggered, Help? TW: Sexual abuse, emotional abuse, Catholic Church, suicide

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I got really badly triggered by somebody who was talking about Christianity and staying in toxic environments and when I tried to end the conversation, I continued it because the person implied that I didn't have trauma. I have serious anger issues when I get set off, especially since I've been living in a state of hyperarousal since I recovered memories that show that I was sexually abused as a child (though the extent is largely a mystery). My abuser was my father who committed suicide when I was young (his anniversary is soon). He made me feel like my life was constantly in danger by throwing objects near me to give me the impression he could kill me. He made me feel like my worth as a person was whatever he thought of me. People in my Catholic church tried to blame me for not only for his death, but for my abuse when I came out about it. I was diagnosed with PTSD as soon as I was old enough to have an adult diagnosis and it's only gotten worse since then.

I'm just looking for some tips about how to calm down in the heat of the moment when you're so pissed off you just want to hit something. I know I'm in the wrong here and it's because of my lack of control. How do you get control over my anger again? I'm genuinely looking to improve myself. I don't want comments about how I'm not in the wrong.",5.161559139784941,6.567085827956992,5.541539426523297,80.17897580645166,68.85663082437276,8.734121863799283,30.79587813620072,9.120678840339163,2.6365439426523296,1162,47,216,22,20,371,146,279,0.222,0.705,0.073,-0.9942,0,0,1,0,5,3,37.0,0,2,0,2,21,16,6,1,13,0,18,3,1,9,1,31,39,21,4,4,5,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,9,7,0,2,4,1,1,2,4,12,0,0,16,4,34,4,40,21,4,34,3,0,2,0,20,13,1,1,18,142,43,0,0.0,0.5064641841353466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27788833737087604,0.3116427102010255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138140094434026,0.10422902108268103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777891100117006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238538281866276,0.1917708167161224,0.06825759451284405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677154951121448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616585058531936,0.07571963703682769,0.08833503998062672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645362077522077,0.1221495525567052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933102159131534,0.08201074218027689,0.0,0.0,0.06837494990877717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057302804715435564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892303763724737,0.0,0.0,0.09458310760424044,0.0,0.04698360919852573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060384810492247726,0.08353315324225967,0.0,0.07549010541982237,0.0,0.143581790744268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178727289354855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970840690977078,0.0,0.0,0.13003949188955868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926868420698141,0.14929485993016808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993438574005684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476771367557677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21215707700075892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658151364392352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112201434507956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702652219029112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871441485350371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399445803054124,0.06787029211250664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608553315202112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084959509101582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712261671868801,0.0,0.18694194150333754,0.3116427102010255,0.0
ptsd,expatica,2020/03/01,"Prazosin not working on nightmares Hi guys, I'm now up to 15mg of prazosin a night, and for reference I'm a 5'4 female, and it doesn't do anything for me. I still have horrific nightmares regardless. Has this happened to anyone else? I started at 1mg a year ago, and have been on 15 for a few weeks now, having gone up slowly with doctor's guidance. It's just not working, and I'm at a loss. Any advice?",1.3372058823529436,3.204546882352944,3.4078676470588256,89.5541544117647,80.17647058823529,5.661764705882352,25.919117647058826,6.6274283507984215,1.0290294117647063,315,13,66,3,8,107,56,85,0.094,0.9059999999999999,0.0,-0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,0,0,10,13,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,13,11,1,15,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,8,42,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697350288874318,0.2446854892670782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771105376362607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300781583955615,0.2828271451335689,0.2271506086806842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825301899300465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305891053321055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733148275750412,0.24409396261656066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590370960310793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537669153699525,0.0,0.22043931003800987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214160177855701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019087992582073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775539526896714
ptsd,Leoprrrd,2020/03/02,"(tw/cw: SA) When are symptoms 'bad' enough to ask for help? hi everyone, first time poster here.

backstory: I was sexually assaulted a year and a half ago by a guy I went on a Bumble date with. I never made a report or even told anyone until I started dating my current S/O, and the only reason I disclosed it to him in the first place is because I had a bad flashback episode while we were on vacation. 

I haven't actually been diagnosed (mostly bc I have no idea where to even start with finding a good psychiatrist/counselor/therapist) but I feel like everything points to PTSD. for context, I can't drink more than maybe two beers/one glass of wine/two shots of liquor without starting to feel anxious and hypervigilant. any time I drink more than that I get these horrible flashbacks where it feels like I'm still there in that room. sometimes it's like I can actually *feel* what's happening to me, like the way my back stung when my abuser repeatedly hit me with his belt, or the feel of the carpet on my knees. it's really embarrassing of course because I've been at a friend's house when the flashbacks happen and I'll be sobbing and screaming until something snaps me out of it. I have nightmares at least 4 nights per week, sometimes with sleep paralysis, and that's if I can actually fall asleep. I get so scared when I see anyone who even vaguely resembles my abuser. I can't even watch ""You"" on Netflix because the resemblance is so strong. also, I'm in the Army and there was a time that I had to get tased (part of training for military police) and the pain on my back/feeling of losing control of my body/not being able to fight or move sent me into a horrible panic attack afterward where I actually cried in front of my superiors. 

I guess my question to all of you is, when did you finally get help? did you notice that your symptoms were getting more severe, or did you seek help right away? I'm not sure if I'm 'bad enough' yet, if that's even a thing... I suppose I just feel like my trauma isn't as bad as others' so going to therapy would be unfair to those who have it worse than me. any advice would be very much appreciated.",5.808380281690142,5.830430138497652,6.484238497652584,78.92390704225353,66.86384976525821,9.539004694835679,31.12450704225352,9.281916038205594,2.5312710985915494,1693,60,337,29,25,557,225,426,0.204,0.7090000000000001,0.087,-0.9957,1,0,5,0,4,0,51.0,1,6,0,5,24,25,3,3,20,0,30,10,3,3,3,45,59,30,0,5,11,0,6,5,1,2,4,1,2,1,19,15,3,1,10,4,0,6,8,15,0,4,15,9,47,10,51,37,10,58,0,2,2,0,22,21,1,10,35,225,66,1,0.07507231051942327,0.17789682410091065,0.29303898302389103,0.0,0.0,0.07335979298530955,0.06654707367144785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003529959950405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210349098485627,0.0,0.0,0.08481034240332196,0.0,0.10498461006668552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018247631866527,0.08540559100647625,0.07053290696234298,0.11545194570451695,0.2507289740448526,0.1372901510899388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419997977566528,0.0,0.0,0.0824634079814592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619681491749272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708456796385014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513952972023926,0.0,0.24792276537128016,0.0,0.0,0.0717348098544984,0.06747015200433124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26571171108415303,0.16089502090569868,0.0,0.08223804666848003,0.06861473176517499,0.12771293795422767,0.0,0.0,0.0580006808823884,0.0,0.19611091875523928,0.0,0.04266532411026307,0.06296709228204443,0.0,0.0,0.0827006137642702,0.07433339026607542,0.13277239252442627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509581618543403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662336693806415,0.0,0.0847475007433863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833826943545707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398671271789716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103523538600841,0.0,0.0,0.07542022632111565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978998533392016,0.055186786162533835,0.0,0.05790039393371995,0.0,0.0,0.07045027788469473,0.0,0.0,0.08547032310228728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709587503789418,0.07988223138410998,0.08808118116163473,0.0,0.08129599654928105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843458616600331,0.0,0.0709675989560407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775551361041793,0.0,0.0840981688871381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809324445511736,0.07718683848962797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411134299545168,0.0,0.0,0.0751604793004009,0.0,0.0598229118391718,0.0,0.0,0.08481034240332196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512652684425901,0.0,0.0,0.05779433233910156,0.1484968693954382,0.0,0.15940970334212848,0.0,0.05995284415566825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707547642202552,0.1560577506079829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585172969569745,0.0871647387108782,0.0498747073067665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313258039382141,0.0,0.0,0.0717348098544984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666947788823145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619425183869096,0.0,0.059588905761893574,0.06021847920671707,0.0,0.0,0.0695927839688001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236702837907581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650509802620918,0.10665843092636793,0.0,0.0,0.04834410663212494
ptsd,pink237,2020/03/02,"Suffering PTSD after death of fiancé? Hi. I’m 26 and my fiancé died two years ago of heart attack. It was incredibly unexpected. He had just proposed a few months prior and we already had our wedding planned and a date set. We were together for 6 years. I had already suffered from anxiety, but following his death my anxiety and fear of my future increased significantly. Everything in my life had changed. There were many secondary losses associated with losing him. I know I will always live with the grief of his loss, it has become a part of who I am, but the anxiety is severely interfering with my life. I was very dependent on him. We became adults together. I have since learned to gain some independence. I even bought a condo on my own and moved out of my parents (for a second time), but my anxiety is still uncontrollable. Yesterday I spent the day hysterically crying. I couldn’t stop it and I couldn’t exactly explain why I was. This happens periodically. I think I do a good job of appearing “okay” to others, but then eventually I can’t seem to control my emotions. I’m in a new relationship now and I think that it has something to do with it. I was FaceTiming with him and I couldn’t explain to him why I felt so emotional. I think I’m scared of the future and I’m afraid to lose him too. He’s very supportive of my loss, but I am constantly getting into these moods that am just sad and emotional and crying. They seem to come out of no where. One minute I’m fine and the next I can’t stop crying. I also feel that I am very forgetful lately. Could this be PTSD? Or is it possible to develop bi polar later in life from trauma? My mood changes so drastically from one moment to the next.",2.625725821085105,4.9889536556886265,4.573440391943387,80.30029305026312,78.31137724550898,8.120341135910001,25.989475594266015,8.927757054556999,2.299631936127744,1347,53,260,34,33,459,173,334,0.248,0.6859999999999999,0.065,-0.9966,2,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,4,0,1,8,11,21,1,4,13,1,30,5,1,3,1,56,53,22,4,4,8,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,14,24,0,3,11,0,2,5,6,15,0,4,13,2,46,4,38,34,5,40,0,9,0,1,22,9,0,6,25,180,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140301659027048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026765198473172,0.07343755659983417,0.0764111012350056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810031520437768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447150202165728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142059298608536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19429094037216224,0.07910464047120477,0.0,0.09923714563945003,0.10299675060722764,0.07331991967782679,0.0,0.30261752159742633,0.059223671459722724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530651980618103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30989397550504405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606537894731892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253216257220812,0.0,0.0,0.10333588266235998,0.046432727203005335,0.0,0.08817256813613339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797812884089392,0.0,0.0,0.07702384154384763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120622497058798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882067959820084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112851850479667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050468149034494536,0.0,0.1035898461740747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945897516599104,0.0,0.0,0.08108882982699521,0.0,0.0,0.20547174778838076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310265043016774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329896651871548,0.09760227071654534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869136154283652,0.19532752247038587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445469904482412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196792884234866,0.09944448329157783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352613264178484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21469204087276086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859258243141518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193927555146994,0.0,0.0,0.16719975893599914,0.0,0.10374337035117792,0.0,0.07596390289753084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069631667728796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333669383469348,0.1535503648160055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420921171042184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652560553802168,0.0,0.0,0.05354764182665956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970595762608721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273116265091073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572715340228647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827285249674753
ptsd,LancasterDodd777,2020/03/02,"How to know if I have PTSD from abusive relationships? Firstly, I apologise if this is the wrong sub, since I don’t actually know if I have PTSD or not. I don’t want to undermine those with legitimate cases with my less traumatic experiences.

I just watched the movie Honey Boy based on Shia Labeouf’s abusive childhood and toxic relationship with his father (really good film btw), and it made me think. I grew up with two very angry parents, always screaming, always throwing shit, trashing the house. My mum would often do this thing where she’d drive off in the middle of the night, tell me and my sister she was going to kill herself, and then not answer her phone, leaving us to cry and wonder and think the worst for hours on end.

I wouldn’t say I was physically abused necessarily (as many people have it WAY worse), but she did hit us and throw stuff at sometimes. I’ve never even considered the fact I might have PTSD from it until I watched this film, in fact I didn’t even know you could have PTSD from that sort of thing.

My tolerance for vitriolic situations is pretty high since I grew up around it and it was sort of normalised, and sometimes this manifests itself in me being horrible to my friends and girlfriend (I don’t see it as being horrible as what others consider having a go I consider a regular argument. Not making excuses, just explaining my thought process). 

I don’t cry about it or have violent flashbacks, but I have a lot of anger in me and I’m not as nice as I wish I was. I do think a lot about my parents and the way their anger affected me as a kid, though they have since split so I don’t tend to see that stuff anymore (unless they ever see other in which case they can’t be civil and will end up in a screaming match again).

Just to reiterate, I’m not self-diagnosing, I realise this is tame stuff for this sub. I’m just wondering, exploring. Should I seek therapy to make me less angry and to try and forget/make peace with my (somewhat) traumatic memories? Really not trying to step on the toes of those really suffering. But I do think about that stuff a lot and had a pretty hard time growing up (it may be worth mentioning that my sister did too and we took it out on each other and no longer speak).

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.",5.567700892857144,6.0662650111607155,6.242857142857144,78.80214285714288,67.41517857142857,9.792857142857144,29.839285714285715,9.784248007369934,2.6452669642857147,1807,62,355,38,28,592,221,448,0.187,0.732,0.081,-0.9940000000000001,2,0,0,0,1,0,51.0,3,2,4,1,18,14,5,0,17,0,43,2,2,5,4,84,71,38,1,10,19,6,1,0,3,7,0,4,0,2,33,27,0,0,13,2,1,11,16,10,0,2,11,11,54,4,55,45,8,46,0,1,5,0,35,21,1,16,12,260,87,0,0.0,0.2683421232034505,0.07367070143366347,0.0,0.0,0.0737713098849443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256331693256723,0.0,0.0,0.051338123836355484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486920074409795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720516171393806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027536401745483,0.0,0.16585198449475005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662424629046795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337295496050781,0.0,0.0,0.09972540219899244,0.06828813304879325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384706441445703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421467631475376,0.0,0.0,0.058326039766350965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580931647149254,0.06332031059878791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762728835832567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976295779901238,0.0,0.0,0.07434582540336654,0.08710928678526728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352229933439753,0.0,0.12446765085292102,0.0,0.0,0.07993664611530114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925454535088573,0.0,0.07143371251689029,0.10078490669698653,0.07653849281787077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008660324601688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058225190251016086,0.0,0.0,0.07084547365548052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676530486144872,0.0,0.0,0.05233764156073728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360792532396125,0.0,0.0,0.3529911372548713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508908064045314,0.0,0.0,0.1621033907725801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003540872675504,0.0,0.0,0.1804754779661525,0.0,0.0787561160702939,0.0,0.07749292503489244,0.18734684596442444,0.08485778276142772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493298729906271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456876807070137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659845887417902,0.06950421107808293,0.08633332098971498,0.0,0.10030896594501457,0.1934925766232785,0.07417191551171698,0.05993335382310526,0.04402082841280413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387598283343273,0.10251017220628462,0.0,0.07374611530135068,0.0,0.1816186114555584,0.0,0.0,0.06228998928458857,0.044527983285288966,0.11984634780923364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681372327752954,0.0,0.1637388174739234,0.0,0.0,0.07693425873488652,0.10725673886902412,0.08254021881860422,0.0,0.0
ptsd,schrodingers-tribble,2020/03/02,"Medical trauma (sorry for the vent) It has taken me (f26) a lot to post here, but I'm at the end of my rope and on the doorstep of my worst nightmare. 
I have pretty severe medical trauma from having a rare genetic disorder. I'm terrified of needles, hospitals, misinformed/incompetent medical personnel, doctors not taking me seriously, being dismissed as a whackjob or a drug seeker even when that doesn't apply to me, the whole nine yards. I've been dealing with ways to cope on my own for the entirety of my life, but now I need new strategies for adulthood. Now my deepest fears are being too sick to have a job and contracting covid-19. I recently had pneumonia (a highly traumatic episode I can't revisit without totally breaking down) so if I get exposed I know I'm done. My body has been in survival mode for the last six months, I've hardly been able to eat anything so I've lost 15lbs, and I keep trying not to panic but I can feel the tension ramping up for a big disassociative episode and I don't know when it will arrive. Will I be at home? At work? Driving? I can't sit in my own home without thinking about all the specialists I have to call, or the go bag I need to pack, or the volunteer work I just signed up for that I may have to cancel altogether because what if? If the virus takes hold in my community I won't be able to work or leave the house, I won't be able to pay my bills, I'll lose my house. I have no idea what I'd even say to my employer. I don't have any savings because of medical debt. I am terrified and I should stop thinking about it but I can't because I have to be prepared for the worst. I currently don't have any therapist to talk to and I need one, but no one can work with my schedule. I'm really trying not to be morbid about this but I can't stop my mind from trying to prepare for inevitable exposure, travel to the hospital I almost died in, and subsequent death. I cry every morning and it's so hard to read the news but I have to because I have to be aware. . .",3.2549185718759794,4.493368810679616,4.944682117131227,83.28318665831506,73.27184466019419,8.42292514876292,29.06702160977137,8.933256019334266,2.308865236454744,1578,65,326,32,31,536,199,412,0.225,0.748,0.027999999999999997,-0.9981,5,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,0,7,15,11,0,3,22,0,44,10,1,0,2,53,63,28,2,7,20,0,3,0,0,6,8,1,3,0,9,10,1,4,6,3,3,3,17,10,0,4,7,4,46,1,56,42,8,34,0,2,0,0,4,14,0,10,13,228,55,9,0.27381096037911296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139404163613356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413389495713975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510769672873238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222550160034208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013807502395751,0.0,0.0,0.0931972014825712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025616093475656,0.0,0.09409569238398048,0.0,0.0,0.09472418256598376,0.0,0.10460369415452844,0.09341904010394823,0.0,0.09340122586758884,0.0,0.0,0.1058445949377244,0.0933923231496763,0.0,0.0,0.08083841316570813,0.0,0.0,0.12056637130515607,0.0,0.07689918116309631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027044848015911,0.04614901622216983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047684975222486124,0.0,0.05187102625316933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352055903070864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643210430181033,0.183103145627566,0.0,0.0,0.2106273904761644,0.0,0.10303308196112454,0.0,0.0,0.09057170948399444,0.08112525414621312,0.0,0.0,0.1003195620327477,0.07439749259034635,0.0,0.09664209061995273,0.0,0.0,0.06446692628929455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210814217767752,0.09963233604381913,0.07759476231390622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677809816105758,0.0,0.0,0.09215700508405746,0.0,0.07285109875522322,0.0,0.0,0.20302735767503105,0.0,0.08814944391941235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236942620241593,0.0,0.0,0.10708605537925088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741173723430692,0.09285472784089964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129501917121126,0.0,0.0584701041830689,0.0,0.09011843019132833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258182188690021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031094826790446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102169650970305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261214888009594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372478440070848,0.07335962605929737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597187632602588,0.0,0.11696467160595347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589966867393504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244613183260208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190005297005286,0.0,0.17596266322570525,0.0,0.2657835203050576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,OddOne117,2020/03/02,"Outgoing GF and my PTSD Last year I was diagnosed with PTSD from an incident where I was abducted and held at knife point. I've been working with my psychiatrist for a little over a year now and I feel like I've made a lot of progress. I'm generally okay in public unless its at night/there's a lot of people around. 

My GF is very outgoing and loves to go out to bars and clubs. However she broke off one of her few friendships last year as it was toxic and no longer has anyone to do those types of activities with. She is now more so looking towards me to experience these activities with. 

Nightlife is by far one of the most challenging things for me as it ticks all the boxes of what puts me on edge. Even under the perfect circumstances I get can get into fight or flight within minutes of being out. If I'm medicated (lorazepam, I don't drink if so) I can handle it better but I still feel very uncomfortable with all the potential threats lurking in such a setting. 

My GF is pushing me more and more to out with her as she is feeling as though she is missing out on an important part of her life as young adult. I really want to be able to fulfill this need of hers but it is extremely challenging for me. I often feel guilty as I recognize it is really important to her. But I also feel like I'm in an uncomfortable place having to make these decisions on going out.

I just wanted to share this to see if anyone else has or is going through something similar. 

TL:DR   
My GF wants me to go out more, being out is hard for me as I have panic attacks, wanted to share",4.128463949843258,5.014541078369909,5.49007836990596,81.52753134796241,70.81818181818181,9.060188087774296,27.97962382445141,9.339509955726095,2.2608733542319754,1240,43,255,26,22,417,165,319,0.109,0.768,0.12300000000000001,-0.3453,1,0,2,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,6,14,16,3,1,12,1,25,6,0,2,3,54,51,27,0,8,10,0,6,2,4,0,3,0,0,1,13,22,2,1,6,3,0,6,2,6,0,2,6,8,34,10,65,42,11,43,0,2,2,1,19,27,0,9,11,190,47,4,0.11851427072017187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477581947689477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573586736318335,0.12143187572137228,0.0,0.10550282742546063,0.0,0.13482709221982744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048162414919378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028949007517425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609886645168073,0.0,0.0,0.09900346576764003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827755807596602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592969786991078,0.0,0.0,0.29962188115759514,0.16933323736552358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383762991030747,0.0,0.2694175648508568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616550799014823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320989705188335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371013429303513,0.11580017257366328,0.11878243407766867,0.0,0.0,0.0995221388231415,0.0,0.0,0.20151318971172585,0.10696375643101376,0.11214106851061134,0.07910919598410893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939065941692842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787683005013587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121761469400678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606166740268447,0.0,0.0,0.13905096136399928,0.0,0.12833940605857444,0.0,0.0821628729790392,0.0,0.12382218842588218,0.0,0.11203429302819608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27707368070207344,0.11913957593499153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518465531093653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444052966962084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123807568378656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464564968825376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873561534134688,0.0,0.11643966925274993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195573370325297,0.2796111498785265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627980058243699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22895791410238295
ptsd,sdam87,2020/03/02,"I got some questions. Hello, hi, hey! How's everyone today? 

Imma get straight to my questions.

Anyone on here an ex-foster kid?
(Ma dukes beat me up daily as a kid, dumped me off in one foster home. I got ""better"" 🙄 (my mom could gas light anyone) went home 6 months later the ol wench was back at her shenninagains, but I started to fight back, then went into a foster home till I was 21, paid them rent since I turned 18)

I got blessed (sarcasm this is heavily smeared with sarcasm right here, the blessed part) PTSD and terrible anexity from her. And others in my childhood, before I was put into foster care (add some crazy Bible thumping ""Christian's"" into the mix, they were culty. ""Bible studys"" yeah k)

Anyone else on here delt with this? If so. How are you dealing with it? (Bong rips. Big ol fat bong rips helps me, but I'm lacking some skills to better handle this)

They put me on meds when I was a kid (depakote) they never told me why. Just told me to take it. But I am assuming it had something to do with my PTSD n shit (I was 13) 
Tried to kill myself when I was on it. So I'm good with meds, don't want em. There are times I wish I wasn't alive so I wouldn't have to deal with this shit, but God damnit I am not giving up yet. 

Anybody else get asked if you served when telling people you have PTSD. Then just kinda wanna not talk about it anymore? Cause ya didn't spend anytime in the military. (Oh you were in the military? Naaah, ma dukes just beat me up everyday while shouting out some crazy shit (mistake, piece of shit, ect)

Welp I'm starting to get emotional. 

To the ones who have served, And if you need to vent. Hit me up. I am a good listener. I don't mind helping people out. That may sound generic. But. It's legit. 

Anywho. Thank you for your time.",0.2502101449275393,2.598703716666669,1.6549516908212567,97.13652173913046,89.61111111111109,4.352657004830919,17.82608695652174,5.922688038783598,-0.3941449275362321,1358,36,299,11,46,433,197,360,0.147,0.738,0.11599999999999999,-0.9269,1,0,1,0,2,1,71.0,0,8,4,5,19,17,7,0,11,1,26,5,5,3,1,50,53,24,1,11,13,3,0,0,0,2,1,3,4,3,13,15,1,0,3,0,3,4,8,9,0,2,19,4,44,8,42,30,7,46,3,0,0,0,38,22,4,12,20,180,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897605372623556,0.18985784314027865,0.09273709378556846,0.0,0.0,0.08461363096706405,0.0,0.0,0.1391915594986418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701643242645799,0.0,0.0,0.16009558544236213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227988539323102,0.09297760209006847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226401516403669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866214634820536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121719293962985,0.10181036314797684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648516049734724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186153961986564,0.08682441212331699,0.0,0.15182919124228755,0.217164776417005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133245475326172,0.0,0.2723635068150165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013472011364843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107003306178026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091388217266776,0.10600296394993727,0.07224336375832854,0.0,0.0,0.0671112241454374,0.06980606587477257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266238559083707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980123502608749,0.0,0.1254949906996759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174002842351523,0.1819729451006343,0.20278142922493736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729413097920709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716244605809675,0.07486992150329218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967819554164169,0.0,0.0,0.1281253718275424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805145076098981,0.07274764884993311,0.07910879343754144,0.08332846172204797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555296890567532,0.0,0.08579188192231081,0.17297032099469448,0.0,0.061449621744613436,0.0984477246442118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338451143024664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678053682223976,0.08167023081298633,0.0,0.1040808017941985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Bluellan,2020/03/02,"Hi, I'm new. So I thought I was schizophrenic because I heard the  voices, and they gave me the diagnosis of unspecified psychosis, but it turns out I might have PTSD due to  childhood abuse. I'm still coming to terms with it and it does explain stuff.",3.7272448979591855,5.543305755102043,4.3589285714285735,85.62982142857145,73.08163265306122,7.348979591836735,28.5765306122449,8.07648339933343,1.806057142857143,198,8,40,3,4,63,38,49,0.121,0.879,0.0,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,11,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,6,0,5,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,25,10,0,0.0,0.3661806589256824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839758473935544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26622425917812986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704568672641305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32785942957056824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984880770785674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612697636467814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468124103771335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35379502067910185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453558323148337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361640299045344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,temporaryb3ing,2020/03/02,"having hallucinations from trauma i’ve talked to my old and new therapist briefly about this but they didn’t seem to give me some kind of clear answer, i don’t even know it it’s correct to call them hallucinations because i never heard of someone having the same experience as me so i’m gonna explain. first of all, this happens to me 95% of the time when i’m in my abusing parents house, or more generally it happened when i wasn’t physically here but i was under a lot of stress related to them (pretty much everything is related to them so uh). basically, out of nowhere i begin to hear every sound i make and every sound sound me 3000x louder but it’s not just that, it’s more that to me every sound is like screaming at me. for example, something that i hear pretty much every time is the sound of my pen writing on paper or paper scratching ecc and it sounds like someone screaming at me confusione words that i’m not able to get. i never understand the words, i don’t even think i hear some words, it’s just nonsense sounds with a yelling tone, and i don’t know how to make it stop. when it happens i also feel this confusion of sounds inside my head it’s like 1000 people were talking and screaming at each other at the same time but i can’t hear anything apart from this loud mixture of sounds. my hypothesis is that this is related to my trauma but my therapists didn’t say much to me, they were more like “oh this is weird” and i don’t even know if i explained it correctly, it’s very hard to explain how i feel in that moments but it completely stops me from doing anything, even if i’m just writing or drawing i shut down and have to wait for it to stop. i wanted to know if there’s someone here who has a common experience,, thank u for reading this!!",3.585836170432273,4.903749871866296,4.781070875889816,84.4668358609306,72.56545961002786,7.546930774785927,27.50242443000103,8.045849151850463,1.6636003507685957,1400,51,286,20,27,462,157,359,0.11900000000000001,0.816,0.065,-0.9545,1,0,1,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,5,1,19,14,0,2,8,0,22,1,1,4,6,67,55,28,0,4,17,1,4,4,0,1,0,20,0,0,29,10,0,4,13,1,0,0,12,8,1,1,7,24,39,6,44,47,13,29,0,0,0,0,22,12,0,11,21,197,68,4,0.0899387497814319,0.10656271159779752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192398570623579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480238555839877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482582708546625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183751928189876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942990679895096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376147839923392,0.0,0.3031091028693083,0.0,0.08083114901948725,0.17595471035850935,0.0,0.0,0.09095146849311278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650185461885435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04698928467579469,0.0862774440980283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385976182133132,0.0,0.08056745403335933,0.0,0.09230310460568926,0.0,0.4054700302116255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037772418400792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365736774966037,0.19771193911347315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575812064591556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646270882404517,0.0,0.0,0.1200696277298868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834598872360576,0.0,0.13873261675898085,0.08686340498273018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437558856944846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986633809883748,0.0,0.0,0.062352204753748836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300008418383287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996308848442597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152290370328444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187685993780752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22861443248259802,0.06923924359150396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255784660237173,0.10302453400331424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445787205100471,0.0,0.08280351714662465,0.0,0.20885164104955248,0.0,0.057629119292393775,0.0,0.0,0.15733202479745872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362941038283963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420888771753771,0.0530482048537445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ashes_to_evolution,2020/03/02,Anyone using Gabapentin to treat PTSD symptoms? I recently started taking Gabapentin to help with PTSD symptoms. Curious about other people's experiences with it.,8.359066666666667,12.635111840000004,6.539999999999999,63.01666666666665,70.6,8.133333333333335,40.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,5.159533333333334,136,8,14,3,3,40,20,25,0.0,0.722,0.278,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808412245911116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529913272584639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335530629630186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930258310222666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6046529881227176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553674983491817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306077399208048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5376345106002813,0.19445877221505656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233746583185987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Elcsm,2020/03/02,"How does your PTSD manifests? Tw sexual abuse

I am going to make this quick, I was sexually abused when I was 9 by my cousin that was 11, I have panic attacks if someone tries to caress me (don't know if thats the way to say it), I only have flashbacks if I think really hard about it and usually they are very foggy, like a bad dream, sometimes I even think I made it up, I don't know if I have PTSD  or if I am just exagerating things. So I wanted to know how does your PTSD manifest? Shat are your symptoms?",1.7091666666666685,3.1297138055555607,3.84,88.905,77.6111111111111,7.392592592592592,21.259259259259263,8.167268648758528,0.8614925925925929,393,10,90,7,9,135,70,108,0.183,0.772,0.044000000000000004,-0.9425,0,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,3,1,0,8,4,1,1,2,0,12,1,0,4,0,18,21,11,0,6,7,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,3,18,1,7,17,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,6,4,60,25,0,0.0,0.3745936541501493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983678225656025,0.0,0.0,0.13198870056205025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766706097905462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044091653651534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983948839299205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416070244432201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26062694667469805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772290274807969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957742236908586,0.10551843118807236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202256002907226,0.0,0.18547071697290152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5543548966872422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126894772533827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571013561837852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393915246567506,0.0,0.15634338954005508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430378494429165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502013711674338,0.2025802652495456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732472655401797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174100812744605,0.13043107670462625,0.09323862261159163,0.12547512339790182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hellboundbonded,2020/03/02,"How do you stop the images and thoughts How do you stop the flashbacks. I was gonna delve more into what happened for context but i don’t wanna instigate dreams about it tonight like I’ve been. I’m 19 and had to move to my boyfriends parents house because I’m scared of being in the same house. I get scared when it gets dark or when I’m alone and I’m alone for 8 hours a day, I need therapy really bad but I don’t have insurance. Sorry to unload i just don’t know what to do. I lost my only parent and we were so so so close and I seen and did too much and I’m freaking out. Thank you",-0.7375769230769222,1.31808160769231,1.3756730769230785,99.67120192307695,90.6153846153846,4.480769230769232,17.35576923076923,5.985473137389443,-0.5411153846153849,459,12,112,4,16,152,80,130,0.214,0.7120000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9527,2,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,3,0,1,10,7,0,2,4,0,13,0,0,2,0,24,28,17,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,2,2,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,8,1,14,2,12,18,3,12,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,1,8,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518355085434565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182118509550926,0.10354156051670124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954192500833083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748364672404732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020153237185746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672721994985277,0.3919779467983387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334744132851754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298219585813105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185415953874232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052816307995687,0.124862400845351,0.12594475743070796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918179389176968,0.0,0.0,0.37720603735618746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088129674633078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34010742595141824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013790144722464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840114794152187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637895199041546,0.1942431120188775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484528368502516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Jellis891,2020/03/02,"What is your experience like? I don't know what to do anymore, who to talk to, where to go, what site to look up. This is the only place I think I know I could relate to others. Sucks because I know people get a lot of shit for having PTSD anything but combat experience or anything military-related. But I want to know what each day is like for you. Do you relive moments everyday, every moment the song called go on in your mind. Does time seem meaningless because of the experience of constantly reliving the past makes it where you can only experience the present and can no longer plan a future?",6.142352216748768,6.490732767241383,6.843546798029558,75.513275862069,66.15517241379311,10.076847290640398,31.226600985221683,9.957137785484203,2.955742857142858,475,17,89,10,7,157,73,116,0.11900000000000001,0.826,0.054000000000000006,-0.8276,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,0,1,2,4,2,0,7,0,10,1,1,1,0,16,23,4,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,11,2,15,22,2,18,0,0,1,0,8,7,2,3,11,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740717363256994,0.0,0.0,0.24462986088040875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121449950965585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177418178237884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606229314598614,0.0,0.11867391345416148,0.0,0.0,0.0958580545659587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007254288324405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252324116507566,0.0,0.0,0.5815789103241135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765628133221679,0.0,0.16894675897021086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267462799756767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523228175818245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248169755320961,0.0,0.0,0.12636518450603554,0.0,0.0,0.09921581967866948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008019360713384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260890603641288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189007429634215,0.10304562811392096,0.0,0.15529319652734602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737477672492351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531281682192067,0.0,0.0,0.1525729264154675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946814972865173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524007721282313,0.0,0.0,0.08667096526748116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766948355809974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lunamamagoddess28,2020/03/02,Triggers? Coping? Hi. I’m new here and posting this in hope that someone here has an experience similar to mine. My husband has PTSD and Aspergers. We have two children together. He will get triggered and then get madder and madder and loses his shit. He will apologize after but it’s stressful. Has anyone gone through this or is going through it?,2.5846180555555516,5.579087531250004,3.5927083333333343,81.97034722222223,87.75,5.969444444444445,28.98611111111111,7.3871296695380915,2.3636652777777782,278,14,45,5,9,89,50,64,0.17300000000000001,0.782,0.045,-0.8398,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,2,6,3,1,1,0,7,1,1,2,0,11,13,8,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,1,1,0,4,1,5,10,0,7,0,1,0,0,8,1,1,2,3,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989422722812734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278314137863496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972988271065908,0.0,0.16169868175385427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825915251879378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183039391948944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27479018459237403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724905154491351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325874387070137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29205462387187825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24107199157444864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325915507479157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27793368177353417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,alldyingforit,2020/03/02,"Not sure if I have PTSD Hi everyone, firstly I hope my post doesn't offend anyone, just trying to figure things out. I'm currently a university student and I'm not exactly sure if I have PTSD. About 8 years ago my parents called the school (the office asked me to come up) and on the phone they just asked me if I was alright (which was very strange). At the end of the school day they picked me up and had told me they had had a home invasion. Although neither of them were injured (thankfully) basically a few men with guns came into our house (my parents opened the door for them as they were dressed as construction workers) and robbed them. I was never at the house so i feel like it didn't impact me, but recently I've been feeling otherwise. For the past 5 years i've been having a recurring nightmare about me opening a door, and having a criminal enter (sometimes I'm in a room with a criminal, it changes up) but the worst part of the nightmare is that something bad happens, I try to call 9-1-1 and never can. Sometimes I can't dial the numbers, the phone turns into a toy, no one picks up, etc. I talked about the entire thing with my friends for the first time who said I might have PTSD. I also realized I'm very scared of opening the door when anyone knocks (even if it's for something I'm expecting, like a pizza delivery). The final thing is that sometimes when I get a call or text from my parents I immediately assume something bad happened. Last week I was writing an exam and I got 2 calls (vibration) but couldn't check my phone. For the entire 2 hours I was worried sick something had happened to them, but the calls were from a friend and it wasn't serious. I'm starting to think maybe I have PTSD or something but I wanted some input. I also don't know if this is serious enough to start therapy or if it's just something I have to live with. Thanks all!",4.889365605658711,5.367166976127322,5.528822944297082,83.40191699823167,68.89389920424404,8.511450044208665,30.56244473916888,8.472884824447931,2.153741025641025,1478,56,300,21,24,479,186,377,0.11800000000000001,0.809,0.073,-0.9706,4,0,6,1,0,0,43.0,1,0,8,3,12,17,1,1,31,1,32,3,0,2,6,61,60,30,0,10,19,3,2,2,2,1,2,1,5,1,13,20,1,0,7,1,1,3,12,7,0,3,20,3,41,10,38,38,8,41,0,0,0,0,31,15,0,13,24,203,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669355350722023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033489213754653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052156965381526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067391641404028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564043258182678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38412978189586733,0.08605172014728446,0.0,0.0,0.07959135773125459,0.06481049220191049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048521999144994166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663814261409683,0.07774050725029158,0.08390976269667738,0.04969369592292617,0.0,0.0,0.07189270865585708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608473754202204,0.05374972478779104,0.0,0.08241906462923533,0.0,0.1279940527973822,0.0,0.0,0.11625669771695656,0.0,0.039308517510257934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017434633286393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959696594988108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546940280982321,0.0747278690885511,0.07409383686138063,0.17362807525939578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413485929518333,0.061328649675545424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351453858733548,0.0,0.06643614005271363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558623726278342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981515684973198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605568232715545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098291487003104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25062720534660504,0.08147494092003252,0.07182276017246872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205678072904906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517947052894152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428800947562067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156814464771037,0.0,0.07532591850091107,0.15228884611344515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475292766713247,0.2232355990642588,0.0,0.10650705826583283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418210115958559,0.0,0.0,0.06047309728155339,0.0,0.13853726551175646,0.08604070190097708,0.0,0.14995346648193533,0.04820918769961022,0.0,0.0,0.043871623742487126,0.0,0.0,0.07189270865585708,0.0,0.10216272312366513,0.08183685553656866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241577258469838,0.0443770596587806,0.0,0.060351028881075575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764073898779578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690103815374082
ptsd,lewisye,2020/03/02,"Not sure what is wrong First of all i just wanted to let everyone know i have never been good at explaining or writing things or explaining how i feel . so sorry if this doesnt make sense,


For as long as i can remember i have struggled with my mental state, from a young age i was pretty much dragged up and went through some shit, 

I used to be in a life that was pretty much hostile 24/7, did alot of bad things throughout my young and teenage years, i have struggled with anxeity and depression for as long as i remember too but only realised it not so long back as i just thought it was just how life was, 

Forward many years, alot has changed i have a job a wife a home, steady life,


But i am constanly on edge, i never feel safe, i feel like i allways look behind my shoulder, even at home i am allways on guard. I can NEVER relax, i think of the worst case all the time, allways feel i have to stay ready for the worst in any way shape or form, i dont sleep, i hear the slighest noise and im up and alert all the time, its so draining, i allways need to be out the house thinking it will be nice to get out to no where but after 5 mins of leaving the house i want to go back, and the the same cycle keeps going and going, i feel like ive gone insane,


Sorry if this is long winded, i just need to get it off my chest as i can not explain this in real life to anyone, 


If anyone feels the same can you please tell me any coping you use or just to feel like im not.alone with this feeling would be a help


Thanks",5.820374999999999,4.254786287500004,6.0749999999999975,87.13000000000002,67.375,9.0,30.0,7.1686216300943375,1.4702500000000005,1172,32,272,8,16,376,161,320,0.135,0.752,0.11199999999999999,-0.5698,1,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,1,15,18,2,2,18,0,30,8,4,5,7,74,63,28,0,8,18,1,8,3,0,2,4,1,2,0,13,12,0,3,17,1,0,6,9,9,0,1,9,10,34,9,42,47,13,42,0,1,1,0,10,15,1,10,23,187,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864607771000542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640912398415662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969391420214755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131627819304656,0.07146459916423573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905435353941011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371908238345094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031157843994362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653180249611805,0.0,0.0,0.08178551285352957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34621754536958943,0.18343788499673225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280334435822385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943514089801871,0.0,0.1459293787980025,0.07178935785329317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964668581680408,0.0,0.057369593700861324,0.0,0.17170875681140838,0.0,0.0,0.1975201859320128,0.0,0.0,0.18490513109078927,0.0,0.08493549132909813,0.07607688271936858,0.0,0.0,0.047038370699391055,0.0,0.0,0.09062811662318758,0.0,0.08752221595875924,0.2418207667737841,0.1254457723105831,0.0,0.0,0.3029800492064173,0.07187457087612585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057132408737894186,0.08677546269899399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625522178139028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583791936427266,0.12692873212927971,0.1980383061680505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509552937084125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395280703873778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415287789815226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974208727105828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939149930045355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785754955748441,0.0,0.0,0.08565244041665053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162340102720146,0.0,0.09122822113405407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895581597412075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066815386172323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480998133444773,0.0788003506964925,0.0,0.0,0.1137252199811271,0.10968603670612907,0.0,0.06794939797779988,0.09981716684711604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478456433159682,0.0,0.0,0.1009671398110374,0.06793785650233375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793433695487281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060801126337123375,0.09357991535454233,0.0,0.11023511632284944
ptsd,kathixlovato,2020/03/02,"trauma? hello. 17f here. so! here's the thing: I got bullied for about 3-4 years, changed schools a lot, moved around. the bullying got so bad that multiple therapists told my parents I was (at that point) physically and mentally incapable of going to school. from then on I was online-schooled. I was never sent to a therapist to talk about the bullying, or anything else. I just... stopped going to school. sort of dealt with it myself, I guess. a few months ago I was sitting in a school-like setting and someone made a joke about me. a tiny, ridiculous thing - and I almost had a full blown panic attack. I started sweating, my heart was pounding, I teared up, I tried to calm down. but I just don't know where that panic is coming from. it's like the years 2012-2016 got erased out of my brain. I remember 2-3 ""big"" events that definitely feel traumatizing to me, but the rest is gone. I know a lot must've happened because it's like it's still in my body. I can't go into a school without getting a stomach ache and panicking. just the thought of it makes me shake. I read a lot about PTSD and the symptoms seem quite fitting - what do I do?",1.9090557364489555,4.176818894273129,3.022126029496267,90.97421949818045,80.3215859030837,6.062363531890442,24.84753878567325,7.255503002510835,1.075763991572496,887,34,185,12,23,284,134,227,0.166,0.7609999999999999,0.073,-0.9540000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,0,1,14,11,2,3,18,0,12,6,5,2,1,33,33,11,0,0,7,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,10,0,1,6,2,0,8,4,7,0,0,14,1,25,4,28,19,6,34,0,0,0,0,5,14,0,8,12,120,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743402145113464,0.0,0.09876875581589983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116824275732577,0.08780610727340453,0.0,0.112211609979643,0.0,0.0,0.08235614763201979,0.060127011618331026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956130602814357,0.0,0.11010933753381896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434280546239098,0.08496536272920242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239692857306644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987284545899117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051532743158334136,0.0,0.1681697176600369,0.0,0.23666238240729115,0.0,0.10865762893777868,0.0,0.08722264989001269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168830103951376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841448904753408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637620738141503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251567979521708,0.0,0.09333087019259052,0.0658396624848855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994009322396898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872955670919657,0.1048334495325061,0.0,0.0,0.07607343202233212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314539605798444,0.1095225515118722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324200490156552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152990963562182,0.0,0.0,0.10491051801258357,0.09866174308855884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173428507758146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5989436251770571,0.0,0.08979364599605016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357315866584357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981439680001399,0.0,0.07877007917498084,0.08246331925711974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251958472013556,0.0,0.07927911779898604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290457931134948,0.13105749022289076,0.0,0.0,0.07830521288597786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425001818377957,0.0,0.06696672508336085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508066940538876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703547798895087
ptsd,cemeteryofdeath,2020/03/02,"I'm having a breakthrough What I want to say here is that whenever I feel I'm slipping during this time, I reach out to my bf. To my cousin. To my friends.

My combo is cult-deprogramming and family within the cult deprogramming. They cut me out of their lives, but did real damage that I'm waking up from now.

I'm doing my best to stay level-headed. Those who are in the know, is this a good thing? Is it ok to feel so vulnerable it's like your bones are about to emotionally crack?",1.3267000000000024,3.4075062700000025,3.414000000000001,88.397,81.3,6.4,18.0,7.554174236665415,0.3142000000000005,377,8,82,6,10,128,68,100,0.084,0.7190000000000001,0.19699999999999998,0.9068,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,1,4,7,1,0,4,1,9,2,2,0,0,9,17,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,12,5,15,16,1,8,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30112780905519104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227710032210325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27050327528765744,0.0,0.2901728809121419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216905912518232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24067324219383746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944851603203727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769575773157207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401853127181533,0.0,0.2533749445495704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266026886676428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281877067257614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058418742897554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063144058203665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673181226999694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924576023524174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,graynicorn,2020/03/02,"Misophonia I'm sad. My cat's purring used to make me happy and it was the most calming sound. Now it makes me angry and because of it, it's difficult for me to give them attention. I still give it though to make them feel good. They are old cats so giving them away is not an option. I want to give them a good life. They want constantly to be near me, and when they're near me they purr loudly and for a long time.. It makes me really anxious. I don't want people or animals to touch me, I don't know why. I noticed that I get very annoyed, sad or tired when something reminds me of my ex who was very abusive. Misophonia started after him. When this fucking shit ends?? I hate him for causing me this. I hate myself for not leaving him earlier.",1.4117099567099558,3.4240306038961066,2.9724415584415604,92.03770995670996,80.62337662337663,6.184588744588745,23.253679653679647,7.3011,0.8557425108225112,579,20,126,8,15,190,90,154,0.231,0.68,0.08900000000000001,-0.9713,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,7,0,7,12,5,0,4,0,7,4,1,6,0,22,27,11,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,4,30,4,16,24,1,15,0,2,0,1,16,3,2,4,12,83,40,0,0.0,0.15715088683311934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498398927430243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461502824539025,0.0,0.0,0.08085311661699827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625276810060322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333140718683274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174753169499485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706428411100325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261899864017232,0.06929635749441332,0.5089426367029595,0.0,0.22249603259500786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119251410420744,0.0,0.26189937341830544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289277389648413,0.0,0.0,0.14044140380405926,0.0,0.0,0.09368408287653583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737787626132065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354139796117279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100592313911848,0.1391782098701115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195246748257854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496943163545781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361480085252138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021089682395443,0.0,0.0,0.09387979568730154,0.0,0.10592255004942312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031329738648698,0.0,0.07734058456736315,0.15244451856326502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455412772142025,0.0,0.21887567125218435,0.2346948284068413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968253396022133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,piccininew,2020/03/03,"I think that I have ptsd because of a bad breakup Ok so I’m 9 months post breakup, doing therapy and taking antidepressants. My life is generally fine now. But nowadays I’m developing a sort of anxiety again. Everything that reminds me of the breakup and the way it went (personal details) are haunting me. Idk what’s happening and why because I felt really good for a long period of time. I know that it’s not linear but I feel like I will live with this trauma all my life and it scares me.",2.21387755102041,4.5794928367346985,4.0054693877551015,83.8002448979592,79.81632653061223,8.001632653061224,27.1469387755102,8.841846274778883,2.385294693877552,390,17,78,10,10,131,68,98,0.145,0.768,0.087,-0.6833,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,1,5,2,0,0,1,15,14,7,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,2,11,4,6,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674456391430275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275897347544648,0.2668592749289801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196718799931564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067431275574917,0.15637075302819886,0.21016293830237084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835894904773396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355837318827293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029290646718435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30920844458286256,0.10693565225503604,0.0,0.19327855704089936,0.1937054269668948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471109783619246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112104123084936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963033965056832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558636495099527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402226770353014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191410401640546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457350617796315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503128974231813,0.0,0.0,0.14025201083779618,0.0,0.0,0.12763300404359995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373990842591036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290763455461164,0.1975087391224514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Laliving90,2020/03/03,"PTSD from watching gore videos? A few months ago I was in a really dark place. I wasn’t suicidal but I entertain the idea that if my suffering really got worse there’s was always an escape. I frequent a few subreddit about mental health and somehow found a link to videos of death (suicide, bombings, accidents). I wanted to see what it would be like to face death and if that’s what was the path I really wanted to go. A few days later I panic to what I witness and felt extreme guilt and fear. Guilt for watching those death for entertainment and fear that it could have also been me if I didn’t seek for help and get better. Fast forward 3 months and I can say Im doing a lot better, but those images and sounds of what I saw still haunt me and is starting to affect my recovery. I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to forget and have some sort of damage to my psyche. I know it’s not as bad as witnessing in real life but the fact that I went and search for it makes me shameful and depressed and in a way I deserve to feel this way. I tried to forgive myself but it is very hard to accept.",4.500446821900566,4.624614894273133,5.496567023285085,84.53432819383261,69.66079295154185,8.424040276903714,25.905915670232854,8.192908349453996,1.4089360604153556,859,22,182,11,14,284,128,227,0.25,0.627,0.124,-0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,18,0,7,11,0,16,3,1,2,2,43,31,23,5,7,8,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,17,13,0,0,8,4,0,3,4,11,0,0,11,9,22,7,25,16,5,19,0,3,4,0,3,5,0,7,12,122,39,1,0.13856764588405596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283185738288385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081249635036802,0.1152993817982062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569819633875145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245103644408292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063498988645276,0.0,0.0,0.0893646681798879,0.0,0.11934811035477688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118542514365375,0.07006396525088474,0.0,0.1330466703573566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519322715021911,0.0,0.0,0.07239587580574608,0.0,0.07875118644856152,0.0,0.11082520480883384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412939325268828,0.0,0.0,0.14729092785950612,0.0,0.0,0.09287897215546688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642600569127305,0.14967683588219774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615315432086943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787442622004633,0.06769715245680022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780525730471507,0.0,0.0,0.09249497962301167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396435955929925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212067458643973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687191093018572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257927637776595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477369732880732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619781627900702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772031733443592,0.2663099465420544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019455370506226,0.0,0.0,0.11042047335600162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980788929604941,0.0,0.1106603009981323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031410283163104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407833573611096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433281983219627,0.16346157541265072,0.21997709501950424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845359598435846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121226932102934,0.0984344799360488,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Authentic2017,2020/03/03,"Does therapy even work? I’ve done many emdr sessions like 20 with 2 counsellors to be honest there are was no real progress.
I’m starting cpt and I’m on week three, I’m going to finish all the way to the last 12 sessions and I’m going into it with an open mind and 100 percent effort because honestly I feel like that’s the mindset you need to go into something if u want too reap the most benefits from it.

But I’m starting to question if Cpt which is essentially cbt for ptsd/trauma will do anything.

I rememeber when I first got ptsd and how my personality and attitude and emotions just changed so suddenly (like I actually remember witnessing the change in real time) so I know changes in mental health can be a very sudden depending on your life situation.
But does that same change (except in reverse) occur when therapy is done? Like “oh my self view and world view are changed , I’m a new man now” I mean that’s basically how it happened to me originally when I got the trauma, but does it actually work in reverse like that?

For those that overcame their trauma how did it look compared to when you first became affected by your trauma?",4.376717436974786,5.9456248125,5.6157878151260485,78.26891806722689,70.96428571428571,8.663445378151259,30.58718487394957,9.168548406835145,2.745873739495797,914,39,170,19,17,305,132,224,0.057999999999999996,0.858,0.084,0.4227,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,1,6,14,11,0,0,9,0,13,2,0,6,1,38,33,21,0,4,7,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,12,12,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,3,0,3,6,4,15,8,22,24,4,31,0,0,3,0,9,10,0,5,22,104,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.1957441847087625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825330925273192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113805159147698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5304866857555776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26330283257515963,0.20527036115982494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281680808955533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662429811591129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050711460899479775,0.07164977247712602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061938079803482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099750341307324,0.0,0.16042791812354776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868930494618435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660741370045597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511874319254367,0.08175267525426128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084034025970606,0.2449919503932012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422136981557367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016819752216018,0.0,0.10924913948647882,0.0,0.0,0.10107236597899208,0.0,0.1012679520064882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436643835624503,0.0,0.09686419006441792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757250863473387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23447571770981065,0.0,0.11235179247786677,0.0,0.0,0.22831216237673024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361310502129343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462810473502604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112734215770877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721091813632439,0.0,0.0,0.14197666168680206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293889592669145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848200845235374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275272890545504,0.05915576759339442,0.07960839650537671,0.08044948146547035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602987995225242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Bethybee77,2020/03/03,"PTSD or just traumatic? My friend attempted suicide a few days ago, luckily, she survived. I woke up to calls from her family and messages, and I rushed to the hospital. My heart dropped when I saw her and what she had done to herself. 

I feel traumatised. I dont want to be alone, I'm scared to be alone. Flashing images of what she looked like keep coming into my head. When I close my eyes and try to sleep shes there. I feel really, really disturbed by what happened and I think its going to be permanent damage. Does it sound like PTSD? Or just trauma?",1.736424242424242,4.170177581818187,3.1104545454545485,89.08901515151518,82.27272727272728,6.9393939393939394,21.89393939393939,8.07648339933343,1.2755757575757571,434,14,88,9,12,141,73,110,0.231,0.652,0.11599999999999999,-0.9278,0,2,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,2,2,0,7,4,4,0,0,17,19,9,1,1,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,4,6,19,3,12,12,1,11,0,1,3,0,10,3,0,2,6,57,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604789127792621,0.0,0.0,0.3750007193589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485963492141785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594786569777633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675427772523705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842722726829836,0.1852643238254777,0.21217472361306616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066614113537884,0.0,0.18307610432719487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986920378222714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288784237747067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009095534852372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579681107397156,0.0,0.0,0.21453043242511705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091454062792585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689165752260466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202599189065566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42324654226314695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319546497352869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125022388883275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811683472119598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802575520513085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600158667759795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291264950876885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678066937324884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,delirium-delarium,2020/03/03,"PTSD from a bad trip? so about two months ago I went on a family vacation and took a large amount of ecstasy. (first time doing a whole pill)


I went home and surprisingly I was able to sleep, everything was fine until I woke up in the middle of the night sweating like crazy, shivering and started to hallucinate. I saw robbers in the house, and they were all wearing some sort of mask, one that stood out was a guy eating a coven mask. I dead ass believed someone was in the house so I woke up my brother and he told me I was going insane and that there was no one there. 

fast forward to now, I can’t stand seeing people with masks, I get really uncomfortable around them, even a picture of someone wearing them makes me uneasy. 

I also feel mildly uncomfortable in my home alone, since I left before my family and stayed alone for 2 weeks after trip which was horrible ( I had extreme paranoia, didn’t sleep for 4 days because I was scared and kept seeing things) 

could this be Trauma? and if so what can I do to stop it?",3.559282178217821,5.171295856435648,4.463452970297031,85.54834777227722,73.10891089108911,7.426237623762375,24.011138613861384,8.07648339933343,1.2558999999999996,801,23,161,12,16,259,130,202,0.213,0.738,0.049,-0.9855,0,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,1,10,6,0,1,11,0,17,8,6,1,1,21,33,15,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,7,12,1,2,1,0,0,7,3,3,0,4,20,4,23,3,24,11,4,33,0,0,3,1,7,12,1,3,15,108,30,0,0.12963758565218172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491589779632964,0.0,0.0,0.2685308841708841,0.0,0.10367113040928004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540493599466214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824196905400152,0.07902586896100255,0.0,0.11031203713065543,0.14605716580228967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350506343691566,0.0,0.0,0.08360551809577957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265161418091972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562440268207691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650990290440318,0.0,0.24442155660642745,0.0,0.06554865847936127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026966413035444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773028790923563,0.0,0.07367602742546857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128361591387842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600741368235772,0.0,0.0,0.2991687367343846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085161612555175,0.0,0.0,0.06333437610227201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653409507518148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347548405286082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216560922436796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569156617001064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987437899693024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515394002583464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304915692888531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978983869750232,0.0,0.20660874305998725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723755048933084,0.0,0.2594624167322984,0.0,0.2196830112664546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175815036560576,0.13817641747560053,0.0,0.108382826392052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612545152297661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559271871163506,0.0,0.0,0.1238742685873437,0.14403212764495374,0.0,0.0,0.12663708410424482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398745159155763,0.0,0.0,0.240350681365932,0.0,0.14473573475557755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AllInControl,2020/03/03,"Thank you Hello, 

I joined reddit at the recommendation of someone close to me to help after a sexual assault had completely just gutted me. I really did not think I'd live past it or repair relationships with just men in general. I came on a couple months ago asking for help and I got it, and the suggestions here helped me to take care of myself and I just want to express how grateful and appreciative I am for all of the encouragement and transparency that I received. Im doing a lot better and know there's a lot of room for improvement still, but I'm finally out of the darkness",4.126541062801934,5.8121068521739145,5.8107246376811625,76.16120772946861,71.78260869565217,9.285024154589372,26.690821256038646,9.725611199111238,2.6112705314009657,468,16,87,12,9,160,79,115,0.044000000000000004,0.787,0.16899999999999998,0.8381,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,7,5,1,0,8,0,4,1,1,1,1,24,14,9,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,10,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,0,12,4,18,10,3,14,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,3,6,64,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809281866560325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782185810652352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768679814804733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978522789904224,0.20483909439083475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064821409945608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223008791217916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008489216298813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606844797768912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039931895119933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701511447570088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041378183352422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740544357063898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416095917466257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036284770992099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178941787940296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287068084476959,0.0,0.0,0.2157000027788924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702286952442883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604453872069157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105781163969825,0.0,0.0,0.18496909227173455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873373319466666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850074292215168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,birudongker,2020/03/03,"Need advice on helping my boyfriend's PTSD So I'm currently dating this guy and we're in a long distance relationship. He has PTSD from a traffic accident years ago and hasn't fully recovered because he can't afford professional help. When I'm around, it's easier to calm him when he had flashbacks. But I feel it's so difficult when I'm not around. Is there any practical advices that I can do to help him when I'm far from him? We're already planned to live together soon, I'll try to get him professional help when we're already together.",4.308922018348625,5.654943688073393,5.529254587155965,79.68819380733947,70.83486238532109,9.486697247706422,31.973623853211013,9.827888789773867,3.1556688073394503,438,20,86,11,8,146,68,109,0.126,0.804,0.07,-0.7018,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,11,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,14,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,7,1,10,13,0,16,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,11,43,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466571708468541,0.1572320432508643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914749682430921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206209351132079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158023256248797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812602159220434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968601997375025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267100342210928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562892233251615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755623134973171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662518334786102,0.15697110159895072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152115434054235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146832595409853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904341366499618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204258347028037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422354501168686
ptsd,cookie_dough13,2020/03/03,"It's been a year since the first event that led to my PTSD. Here's a few thoughts. This is late, but the anniversary (I will call it) was on the 13th February 2019. I browsed this subreddit for a bit of the year and I know it's really supportive and inspiring. 

I just want to mention that it got better.

Maybe it's because I started seeing a school councillor then a psychologist about 2 months after it happened, or that it stopped happening after 7 months. Or maybe it was just time.

Time played a key role in my recovery. I had some dark moments, and I know you all do/have had them too. I still have them. Because it never fully goes away.

My trauma became a part of me. It's not leaving any time soon. But I'm ok that it's there. It's not in my head every waking second of every day like it used to. It doesn't keep me up at night anymore or make me isolated from my support network. It sets off the alarm sometimes, and yes I still think about it. But it no longer gets in the way of life.

The point of this post is to tell you about recovery if you're not sure if it will ever happen. It does. No human should have to experience what we have. But we did. I did. And I came out the other side. I'm 15 years old. You can.

I hope this is the gentle reminder you needed to stay on your path. It gets rough. We all know this. But there's a little, significant moment when after time, you notice a trigger you used to have and start to think about it then stop and wonder why it doesn't frighten you as much. And then, you carry on.


Thanks for reading everyone

I'm sorry if this triggered anyone or made them feel highly uncomfortable. If it did, comment or PM me and I'll remove or change as much as you need.",0.9999451846212428,3.12762591267606,2.6442862580890747,93.1933878949372,82.83098591549296,5.640654739246289,19.453749524172057,6.885778809224403,0.1719486105824135,1329,35,294,16,37,436,184,355,0.077,0.8009999999999999,0.122,0.9553,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,3,10,3,2,15,12,0,1,18,2,21,3,2,7,5,64,54,31,0,9,20,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,35,14,0,3,9,2,0,3,8,2,0,2,12,3,37,10,37,39,8,55,0,0,1,0,22,15,0,13,34,201,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903396019813805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067600913328156,0.07098193531732958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537706977363862,0.0,0.0,0.1237657039215228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897821309551859,0.11082853591911404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365858414330896,0.11610658550788774,0.0,0.0,0.10738984376251792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546904156127673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883681975983035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182650059286256,0.17106222320714387,0.0970023250047529,0.0,0.0993015506719162,0.0,0.0,0.0513292417057322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863489562450619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607522410200404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119114732302529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693092265269046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418409828871926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725660469273753,0.0,0.10082770811904453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023156113368044,0.0,0.0,0.16737064413038505,0.0,0.11451380465510425,0.10749016196786856,0.0,0.0,0.0717033365478151,0.04959530179033112,0.10174511029721743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605633588043326,0.06776232473620081,0.0,0.20397174873320187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162057264169312,0.0,0.14925101434475227,0.1505447810603813,0.07829494274333433,0.0,0.0,0.0952653358377554,0.0,0.0,0.11557596760409344,0.1065233465069073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993129688158107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596487552840616,0.0,0.0972237017321782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866608233105908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154288193292774,0.0,0.0650333713664368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273901499531073,0.08089463886116549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839745965316842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004013366488442,0.11363819077741776,0.14370625998608513,0.10820192045380166,0.16214067579026967,0.16974285734252476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039696946777016,0.09567707293640318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887289431809245,0.0934617508902714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009395197051715,0.0,0.0805918964930155,0.2367778087275205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535344149710738,0.0,0.0,0.059876419239987065,0.08057820763890015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160186819306976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100891322442556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961177879932615
ptsd,13Mik,2020/03/03,Anyone here suffer from Iatrogenic (Medical) Trauma or PTSD? Curious about hearing your stories about your path to healing. Recently started a new path and am curious as to what was helpful/not helpful.,6.955490196078433,9.950187882352944,7.224117647058829,63.455196078431406,67.23529411764707,10.415686274509804,43.68627450980392,10.504223727775694,6.13816862745098,164,11,20,5,3,53,28,34,0.155,0.6629999999999999,0.182,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,6,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643108543583755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260406699809575,0.0,0.2533697126765943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808016658669033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36508092335558795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418692370680705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732357034002895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675548657821377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pinky8519,2020/03/03,Nightmares I hate the nights when it's nightmare after nightmare when I'm asleep. I literally start to shake and can't move when I abruptly wake up. Tonight's an awful night😞,3.6470476190476178,5.686534657142857,3.794285714285717,88.63904761904762,73.85714285714286,5.80952380952381,28.809523809523807,6.42735559955562,1.2359523809523805,143,6,28,1,3,44,28,35,0.259,0.741,0.0,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.398829315366124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293481850889981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7581828426768846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859267217938373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cutehamstersreal,2020/03/03,"Ptsd and showers Just wanted to say idk how to feel rn, I’m about to get into the shower for the first time in almost 2 months... my family hasn’t noticed anything about this pattern other then that I smell bad which I know I don’t like being dirty but I feel so idk. vulnerable? I hate the feeling of being a rape victim when it happened 10 years ago and I’m still suffering anyway gtg... anyone else fee similar?  Comment you know for venting or something.",1.7529670329670315,4.208795560439563,3.3897692307692324,86.96773076923077,82.4065934065934,5.398241758241759,22.286813186813184,6.742157984588678,0.7638826373626371,360,12,68,4,10,119,72,91,0.285,0.68,0.035,-0.9786,2,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,8,6,3,0,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,14,15,8,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,5,7,1,10,13,0,10,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,2,9,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203073269045284,0.0,0.2293991948463661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601841132109274,0.2347283981124356,0.1885204423383804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912794567610872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137417411339053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159643942963193,0.0,0.34750231989299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948626917675422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968936624838385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025823398487557,0.0,0.0,0.2261776171122196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518022657240041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192114446015906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285637771285584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608189505737061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26779237677075385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218049233041503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636363784132086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295049473343905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335834362274167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351224234070922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752558198620802
ptsd,plasticinefort,2020/03/03,"I keep getting randomly panicky :( I never got anxiety attacks about it until recently.

it's been 4.5 years and I finally reported my sexual assault. He got arrested but I'm still waiting to find out what happens when he goes to court (and if he pleads guilty, I dont have to even face him in court). So I still dont know what he's going to say.

So i'm still all wrapped in it I guess. 

The reason I reported it was because it got brought up badly. That was probably the 3rd time since it happened where it's rendered me incapable of doing anything, so I reported it and started therapy.

But the panic symptoms are new.

It was my boss, so work-related people are starting to find out (all supportive, which is great.) But it means there's still a lot going on with it.

 But sometimes it's when I'm not even thinking about it - my heart starts going and I feel light headed.

Any tips for keeping this under control :( I still can't go too often to therapy because funding was always the issue. Next one is in a month.",2.334469795177597,4.42798109359606,4.0970391495981335,84.71860513352348,77.9655172413793,7.229349235156858,27.92558983666062,8.20500826718156,2.0967201970443354,794,35,154,15,19,267,121,203,0.13699999999999998,0.835,0.027999999999999997,-0.9717,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,19,6,2,1,6,0,14,4,3,3,3,32,40,16,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,18,7,0,4,7,0,1,5,5,4,0,1,9,3,15,2,20,31,3,33,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,5,19,105,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987630586808333,0.0,0.0,0.07345322808260905,0.0,0.08263041899274416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888632360210487,0.0,0.0,0.1228815253076737,0.0,0.0,0.09018718331661484,0.13168867109549762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211468924197767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531832213247658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426844646037717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054615126924446776,0.0,0.0,0.11832406396181,0.1974456894102457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564328600555102,0.0,0.24554739532299874,0.0,0.2591660037533704,0.11908582301011307,0.1189896052878284,0.0,0.1910328576839132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085353226467022,0.0,0.0,0.12799711725473706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273855941255373,0.0,0.19201562306955333,0.0,0.0,0.059361672923282725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182964533944757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176589179962244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621574912772541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330706032993984,0.1043206001358993,0.11487412084280267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319308593440699,0.0,0.0,0.12673116320010555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488331157408318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645736742012247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105638794260336,0.10665080008285988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589707298801141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935030200329196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682861390972727,0.0,0.2293586083145205,0.0,0.4313006238562955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257301405920565,0.0,0.11226791012627813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470468588996577,0.0,0.0,0.06921101367234123,0.0,0.0,0.06298383556239916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863548285626107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955747852786201
ptsd,Sugarplums01,2020/03/03,"Nothing is getting better TLDR: something triggered my ptsd a week back things have been bad lost all will to live but too scared to die. Pls tell me things get better. 
Hey I've posting on here a bunch and imm back.the past two years haven't been great. Something triggered me weirdly (the smell of lavender of all things, and doddak). Since then I've just shut down. Memories I forgot I had came back and everything hurts so bad. I'm so angry at my abusive shitty parents. I'm so angry about everything. Social workers who didnt believe me, failed suicide attempts, not having a childhood, raising myself etc etc. I haven't been to class in a week. I'm so scared to see my teachers bc I know they're mad at me. I'm numb all day and then the pain comes. I ended up relapsing pretty hard into bulimia. I've really lost all will to live. Anyway i need help. How do you function? I'm so scared and on edge, and I'm also so so so angry and I don't know how to deal. Pls give me some motivation to live? Maybe things r better for u? There's this episode of bojack horseman called 'the view from halfway down' where it discusses ppl regretting committing suicide and seeing things could be fixed and get better but it's too late. I bought non prescription sleeping pills and the only reason I haven't overdosed (for the third time) is that I'm scared. I keep repeating that phase ""the view from halfway down""... Please I really hope it gets better.",2.1765023474178413,4.634590500000002,3.1012957746478875,89.68900938967138,80.61971830985917,5.617652582159625,22.846948356807516,6.88968998030894,0.7843759624413149,1138,38,221,13,30,361,160,284,0.322,0.603,0.07400000000000001,-0.9983,1,0,2,0,0,2,38.0,0,1,0,11,21,22,1,4,10,0,18,4,1,6,5,37,43,25,3,4,4,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,12,13,0,2,4,0,1,2,6,15,0,2,10,6,21,7,25,29,8,29,0,5,4,0,11,12,0,2,14,131,33,4,0.0,0.10420056532456666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032966652793696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028730654023564,0.14686097388620276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908401427029416,0.0,0.38890148096460536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980178229039573,0.10058576817763312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575691843163447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702170080207751,0.0,0.0,0.05671731546051741,0.09066753880491236,0.0,0.0,0.09127313143643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789325713997501,0.0,0.19616407258337748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580787744113476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379074458597025,0.08436495576149601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695978574864328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787815374736635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894774826205632,0.0,0.0,0.08734933018984765,0.0,0.0,0.0941470509257351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816964774906525,0.0,0.0,0.09666465651135893,0.0,0.09920590600258904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23297140965414745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920049359457172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883526758758678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521017899998155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438569754015728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688621324992987,0.09357978942772473,0.0,0.09765262849231264,0.0,0.0839535513319272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653731289628983,0.0,0.0,0.08422709772254787,0.08947178586431914,0.0,0.0,0.10280311832173336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267976898054488,0.09042221239062677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521935581592915,0.0,0.1401617204693314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274909741422406,0.0,0.08800861519149457,0.08964895659717133,0.0,0.13540887270419666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923953356759768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686789573909689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921340908151582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128149638130635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590958601455162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108851258111835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056633762481572765
ptsd,depresdthrowaway,2020/03/03,"is it possible to get ptsd from a breakup/being cheated on? first off, apologies if this post is offensive to anyone. it’s not my intention.
ive seen a lot of mixed responses to this question and i dont know what to believe. various sources on the internet say it is possible, however other sources say that a near death experience or threat to safety is *required*.
for background information, i was dating a girl for about two years, i loved her to death and i really believed we would go far together.
after the summer she told me she cheated on me. obviously this was horrible in itself, but i think what happened in the following months contributed more to the trauma ive been feeling.
so obviously i felt shattered. but i wasnt ready to give her up, so i tried very hard to make things work between us. i constantly tried to explain how i felt and vocalize my needs, but she was always extremely apathetic, even rude and sometimes just nasty towards me. i couldnt believe how much the person i romanticized so much had changed into someone who didn’t seem to care about me at all. like, i literally couldn’t process it. she would continue to lie to me, disregard my feelings, and mock me for months.
its been 6 months since she came clean and a couple since we stopped talking. i find myself unable to accept what happened or get over it. i’ve been super depressed, self harming and suicidal, and having nightmares about her all the time. im also struggling with self blame. sometimes i find myself being suspicious of other people’s intents, like i feel like they’re just going to hurt me like she did.
let me know if you need any additional information.",5.256086956521738,6.824722382165611,5.931163112711161,76.85511354195516,68.80891719745223,9.15513708114096,32.76045416782055,9.54385415503706,3.225796344502908,1324,60,235,29,23,431,181,314,0.223,0.6709999999999999,0.105,-0.9922,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,3,1,0,4,12,20,6,1,11,0,24,1,0,5,4,59,50,21,3,8,10,0,6,4,0,2,0,2,1,4,18,14,0,3,16,0,0,4,6,11,0,2,15,9,44,9,39,29,7,30,0,2,1,1,29,13,0,7,16,168,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798424679386311,0.08307535248967156,0.0,0.0,0.06789501143297404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698108481111692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374583994137512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419101450758486,0.10179411537099003,0.0,0.10561808491233136,0.0,0.0,0.10789218740233723,0.0,0.0,0.11047169195749318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599253683815991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701240473154972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594375501567988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976632355847904,0.0,0.0,0.15144717653981138,0.07132612331881466,0.19172520901905646,0.0,0.18250494484494967,0.08492433803097939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432515435142448,0.0957761725324772,0.11348339377299035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657737304528126,0.0,0.08943754023628747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688139537912827,0.0,0.10784494857235873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973953267987097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020937474620621,0.0,0.1951082378824415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488088247388956,0.09011001266542223,0.0,0.06664435590084171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239075371860284,0.0,0.1467886138392686,0.1480610354951771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921688029481009,0.08717693489135743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22511048321781568,0.09561966779417552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670828377003352,0.0,0.11184428824145284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396042585093017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587944575021566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089110538452,0.20831097833079013,0.0,0.0,0.16517830283049176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459459115791483,0.0,0.19748975374131905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834711872740515,0.0,0.10437504171248448,0.0,0.1092093790473853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802480684543802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632963849025267,0.06397380601553024,0.0,0.0,0.05821783939559915,0.0,0.0,0.09540194342494633,0.0,0.13557038695311852,0.0,0.09752972970891632,0.0,0.12009591293715835,0.0,0.0,0.08237892658714663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726851242202566,0.0,0.0,0.14184775304583605,0.0,0.0,0.06429405382411194
ptsd,AlinaAngelMtF,2020/03/04,"Nightmares I havent been diagnosed, my doctors keep writing down they think i might have it but im not ready to talk about it so i havent gotten diagnosed with ptsd, so i dont know if this is a ptsd thing? But i keep having nightmares, every night without fail, its not always about the stuff that happened sometimes its stupid stuff like i dreamt the other night the whole world flooded and i was left alone and then got eaten by a shark and i know it sounds so dumb but it was scary when i was dreaming it and i am so sick of waking up scared and sweaty and panicking, i dont know why its every single night but i dont get any good sleep and i dont know what to do about it but it really makes sleeping hard and i developed insomnia because of it, and i have meds for that now but i dont want to take them because then i DO fall asleep and then its even more nightmares i feel helpless and weak and i hate it.",2.147830310880828,3.6510943886010416,3.0542713730569955,94.64959358808292,76.61658031088083,6.068523316062176,21.907059585492224,6.6274283507984215,0.2415909326424863,719,19,164,6,16,228,102,193,0.256,0.711,0.034,-0.9936,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,10,9,3,1,5,0,19,11,4,1,0,35,36,27,0,2,10,0,2,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,21,13,1,2,6,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,7,3,22,2,14,28,3,13,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,2,9,115,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640446785243096,0.0,0.0,0.08548534958488603,0.0,0.0,0.06986463028416537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525494874578966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855162743969907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515559349229248,0.0,0.0,0.6020345399971861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785676836166699,0.0,0.1731205763895437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194687490395871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053675801684606096,0.0,0.0,0.08617085625419857,0.08216810210206305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084992125331864,0.0,0.09203210295209877,0.10143144125617924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097350602055316,0.0,0.0,0.18263459434962784,0.0,0.0,0.2258461031648855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162396687642703,0.0,0.0,0.050192070880304834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857769351928199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411756049167356,0.0,0.0,0.10898763936782796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28923492646657445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24018792911588985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581590326859851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285758200142238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562223570929816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160944330695827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23521839328771066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724537993562948,0.0825760466822869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682538462281375,0.06582967158873272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059689869934784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270409283024554,0.11470210499956825,0.0,0.0990347270930768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,laurtood2,2020/03/04,"Clinical Trial Denial I decided to take the plunge and apply to the MDMA Clinical Trials being done for PTSD. In November, the study organizers contacted me, said I seemed like a good candidate so they started putting together an application packet. I had multiple deep in-person, telephone, and internet video interviews with numerous practitioners. I had to go to a super creepy walk-in clinic to get (what I'd describe as) an overly invasive physical. I was weaned off of my meds. The entire process was uncomfortable, yet hopeful. 

Finally, they needed all my medical records relating to PTSD. I gave them access to all the psychotherapy notes (which was concerning to send) from all the therapists I've seen, the psychiatrists, the inpatient visits, etc. They also wanted hospital records from a forensic exam. The thought of sharing that was gut wrenching. It felt like a violation. All of the other records they had valid reasons to obtain, but this one felt so viscerally wrong. My bias of not being believed told me they only wanted it to prove I wasn't a lying about being assaulted. This felt like the wrong venue for disbelief. I understand they have exclusion criteria, but I just couldn't give it to them. I have this tiny amount of control over what happened, and part of it is centered around who sees it/how much/why. They didn't NEED it. They weren't getting it. 

It turns out that must have been a deal breaker for inclusion, as I was notified yesterday that the review board denied my application packet. I'm feeling pretty bummed and disappointed about it. I went through a lot to only go backwards in my healing process. It's okay. Back on the horse. Just wanted to vent. 

TL;DR I was denied as a participant in the MDMA clinical trial after a very arduous application project, and I feel shitty about it.",5.158249659364849,7.7020263677811585,6.014421968347138,72.14857142857147,71.03647416413374,9.644314013206163,32.01352059532544,10.004066432519934,3.856961555392516,1461,68,233,42,29,479,189,329,0.115,0.805,0.081,-0.9479,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,10,3,11,13,2,0,25,1,23,7,1,2,6,38,53,13,0,8,5,0,5,3,0,1,6,1,0,0,21,8,0,1,11,1,0,6,5,5,0,1,23,8,31,8,42,25,8,24,0,1,2,0,22,12,0,3,9,165,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980961914044126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110636744367124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959703275128316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061687216013882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399837756970473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867247867476755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772282066432333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919489697713422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621424329344952,0.0,0.3595083027716892,0.1367220313980516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304149807917617,0.11972805387908747,0.14186352956866136,0.10468377006490012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103680835994165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396338286288025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292594859270614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610804964765376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863453355548636,0.1257318196888271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917488901565002,0.18508841151643324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457372962167825,0.1898455601967054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515585842588848,0.0,0.0,0.10897830307581807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697550424735055,0.0,0.0,0.2917898119726208,0.12546740048524865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832431925380386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872182927144845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994565211862332,0.11362132015577807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834037021557012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384074782665616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491273352920353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908431230841676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926023686818756,0.0,0.0,0.1357562256077785,0.0,0.12993044947236682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298040003198886,0.2208465397410796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569908552444913,0.11262060468899812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27291784282810216,0.0,0.0
ptsd,naimz27,2020/03/04,"Any useful coping methods? Hi, I’m new to this sub after only recently finding out I have PTSD, as well as depression from that. I was told I’ve had it for awhile, but I’d always mistaken it as stress, mostly because that’s what I had been told by most adults when I was around 16 through to 18 (I am 19 now). Since Summer 2019, I noticed things getting worse and this Winter I decided to do something about it. I was diagnosed and referred myself to therapy, however, I found out there’s a 6 month wait. 6 months is an extremely long time, so I was just wondering if anyone has any coping methods that have worked for them that they could share? I’m more than happy to share more information if need be. 
Thank you :)",4.197692307692306,5.1972632097902105,5.170216783216784,83.46455594405596,70.74825174825175,8.517202797202797,27.58671328671329,8.841846274778883,2.0084075524475518,561,19,113,10,10,184,100,143,0.08900000000000001,0.763,0.147,0.8284,1,0,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,2,1,8,7,0,1,2,0,15,1,0,1,0,21,26,10,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,10,0,14,5,19,14,4,14,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,5,11,76,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583178544883613,0.0,0.0,0.23836795014672324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254706502768113,0.0,0.0,0.15602008254230446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683791375130816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993221695232322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095265691400805,0.17788694984274214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601860308885798,0.0,0.0,0.1921654225279338,0.0,0.0,0.09156701157653913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656935286306967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510110116994852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27978445503888977,0.0,0.0,0.1299543397324112,0.0,0.16926885489977386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995366223011128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329443061486382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487156405348286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304979822444516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449783004060919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492502946655746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076170052038528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613574385193576,0.2004270434509353,0.0,0.1164360946938142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021965144847185,0.0,0.0,0.3349401556058033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136984855305394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575813284072656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900638519880431,0.12759261469192434,0.0,0.1786066589533787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,catloverthirza,2020/03/04,"Should I tell about my experience? Hey guys! 

So I’ve been struggling lately. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD 4 years ago and I’m a psychology student. A few years back I was stalked by a guy and eventually he tried to kill me with a knife. I almost died, my lung was perforated and it was a very traumatic experience for me. I have had therapy for a few years and overall i’m well. A few weeks ago though I went to a lawsuit to see if they would prolong his sentence. We have a type of treatment called tbs, where a person who has mental illnesses gets treated for his illnesses rather than have a longer jail time. He only got two years in jail and was supposed to be treated in a clinic for two years and then two years of treatment out of clinic. However he has only had one year inpatient treatment and one year of outpatient treatment. I’ve just heard they only prolonged his outpatient treatment with one year instead of two like they said in the first lawsuit. I’m hurt and disappointed. Tomorrow I have to go a class at school where we talk very personally and last week I had to cry. I feel like I want to explain what happened and what caused me to be like this right now. But I’m also doubtful because I don’t want to come of as a weak person. Should I tell them what happened? (I can’t skip because I already did once because of the lawsuit)",3.664126984126988,5.1995948518518516,4.633174603174607,84.74500000000003,72.7037037037037,7.661375661375662,29.153439153439155,8.269060116576782,1.9906772486772488,1070,44,216,17,21,348,138,270,0.152,0.7979999999999999,0.05,-0.9839,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,2,0,4,1,12,12,1,2,16,0,23,7,1,1,0,31,41,17,2,7,4,0,1,3,0,3,6,2,0,5,6,17,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,6,1,8,14,4,27,6,32,22,3,32,0,2,1,0,26,8,0,3,24,139,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873158841759688,0.0,0.08965458317303608,0.0,0.09880213067607756,0.07159968080342685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884551685194115,0.0,0.16373585309092167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142342435275264,0.0,0.0,0.09197527629694167,0.0,0.07712493811131094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834803405368557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087432998127892,0.0929213431458782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516133142266094,0.0,0.0,0.045270684381338536,0.06396254768199676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615690812731532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046777410219030216,0.0,0.05088379017092177,0.0,0.07160789216586004,0.0,0.0,0.1773039212460772,0.15834785513979097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584715992061367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905523849117967,0.0,0.0,0.07298152120093418,0.1009973678856928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122422109909604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022842368867802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534995341233868,0.18201007370081976,0.20428213676838256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345308532962664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465953872409108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646087759993915,0.08516659169166595,0.0,0.0,0.09061239494178833,0.0713463815620174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359955752122233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196340788014575,0.15651195493054693,0.0,0.102389035844585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796593052287945,0.0,0.052207538486836194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078717681736263,0.0,0.3498437709300412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774856040527742,0.10561802151055152,0.0,0.14363629126302746,0.0,0.08050111404591269,0.08299818859285067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636018280933621,0.0,0.0,0.5189081030677516
ptsd,40ktb23,2020/03/04,"I’ve realised I’m not living for me anymore I had counselling today and realised something. I’ve been feeling suicidal pretty much since I was 15, but not admitting it. The only thing that’s stopped me from thinking more about it is other people. I live because I don’t want to upset other people. I don’t live because I want to live. 

I’ve become so good at pretending and floating through life that it’s like there is two sides of me. 

There isn’t really much point to this post but I just had to get it out.",2.570476190476189,4.342568714285719,3.90666666666667,87.83333333333334,76.14285714285714,6.19047619047619,25.952380952380953,6.937597516519254,1.1430952380952384,405,15,81,4,9,133,65,105,0.08199999999999999,0.759,0.16,0.7276,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,9,1,0,0,0,14,16,5,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,1,10,2,11,12,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,55,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180109751150774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120308553205025,0.19132280690176606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759207020019875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050736156703186,0.0,0.0,0.1453000532598699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235995467245145,0.08463314499995024,0.0,0.611873469641767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546931318581404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317518942555742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401966141466361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376166556730515,0.0,0.16590982107372745,0.17624076318994653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097782551984167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330055364163352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336362316645672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483097531000882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948934832451125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508864972728107,0.11100104146239767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420511642828686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922397220837182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435523078533133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,iliikepie,2020/03/04,"Exposure therapy for sexual assault What does exposure therapy look like for sexual assault victims? I can understand it in regards to other types of trauma but I don't see to get what exactly you do in regards to sexual assault. 

To clarify, it's possible I'm not using the right term for what I mean. I understand how you can keep retelling the traumatic events, but what about things like slowly desensitizing yourself to the trigger? For instance, if your trauma is related to dogs you can look at images of dogs, sounds of dogs, watch videos, pet puppies, etc. How can you do this with a sexual relationship?",5.440525793650797,7.598493508928577,6.647261904761907,69.56996031746036,69.26785714285714,11.049206349206347,33.87301587301587,10.980518767755715,4.61553253968254,491,24,79,17,9,165,67,112,0.18600000000000005,0.773,0.040999999999999995,-0.9574,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,5,0,0,3,8,4,0,4,0,8,0,0,4,1,14,18,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,9,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,9,2,18,18,2,6,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,1,4,55,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417782808850405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347221823379565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995837335198268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870694268386097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564344810702906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35347228481129034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292562032208381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372657171033635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22595879102916036,0.0,0.17973448479911727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771197944425167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813661884157993,0.0,0.1398224464417226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381993782044382,0.0,0.18177269340626084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SpecificSeries2012,2020/03/04,"I was the last one to see my brother, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same Long story short, About two years ago I picked up my brother in the AM to hang out with me for the day. Then I dropped him off at my house and went to work on a business project that took all day unexpectedly. We never got to hang out and he had left my house that day just walking because he had no ride or cell phone . He was a drinker so I think he walked to a bar or taco spot and chilled for some hours. He walked back to my house that night and knocked on the door and wanted to talk. Me being tired , I asked him “are you good” he said “yea”. I think he wanted to talk or just hang out. But I wouldn’t and I assumed he had a ride because it was 1am and he was at my door. He went on to walk home and I went back to my room. The next morning he was found stabbed to death. 
They investigated and it was gang related. But He didn’t gang bang , wasn’t even hanging with the wrong dudes. He was just trying to get home by himself , and some guys got out of a car and stabbed him. Probably because of his skin color..

It’s been two years and my guilt hasn’t subsided at all. If I would have just let him in the house that night or actually hung out with him like I was supposed to be . Then He’d be here . Instead I was so distracted....

It feels like it’s my fault , my fault my family is hurting. I see my mom changing , no one or anything is the same . Including me , the fact that every moment that day was affected by my decisions HAUNTS me . Literally, like fuck man",0.9463424518743686,2.590095027355627,2.4955106382978727,96.70383333333336,80.48936170212768,5.845633232016211,21.30101317122595,6.742157984588678,0.11245645390070937,1180,34,291,12,30,385,155,329,0.115,0.853,0.031,-0.977,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,1,1,1,13,11,1,2,15,1,31,4,1,2,5,55,50,24,1,5,12,3,2,3,0,2,1,1,5,2,11,21,1,0,7,1,0,15,8,7,0,4,24,6,42,4,38,18,6,54,0,1,3,1,35,18,1,9,23,183,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0978696959072891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890205387060841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253107166330337,0.0,0.093758687590972,0.0,0.0,0.1542354085645283,0.0,0.1834096637871914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609473930479403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587179812772091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624135916661478,0.09071908758164716,0.08449961998359316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454557119274667,0.0,0.050710219204016985,0.0716480180966405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996407018146953,0.0,0.09271755274876636,0.05239798687428434,0.0,0.0,0.0841194589227396,0.16042398996579982,0.0,0.0,0.09930400694170476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120040277821435,0.0,0.09876658132209756,0.4628900902240805,0.10736375109143158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175067349915237,0.0,0.0,0.1089666286796047,0.10255449652043744,0.0,0.14699157098571775,0.0,0.0,0.08875451238786819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174597835727897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735071817040018,0.0,0.10666077654393856,0.18823290203943827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591975853454732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813082313196463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539985075471252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598381247319841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612204559370248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278755936126704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526992430126692,0.0,0.0,0.11142715861372317,0.06809110803883665,0.0,0.19593976271248212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183086382697245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789127044088672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301315216883222,0.0,0.0,0.07124395596104822,0.10965262931793683,0.0,0.12916842574791162
ptsd,yourlocalswamphag,2020/03/04,"Trauma thoughts vs Real thoughts Hey, I am having some trouble this week. I am normally really good at differentiating between my true thoughts and thoughts that stem from the trauma and PTSD. But this week has been rough. My brain is simultaneously giving me vivid flashbacks while also telling me that I miss said abuser. I know I don't truly miss him and I know this will pass. How do I ride this out?",3.3374999999999986,6.074112223684215,3.796578947368424,84.76355263157895,78.07894736842105,5.905263157894738,23.97368421052632,7.1686216300943375,0.9844526315789484,323,11,61,4,8,101,53,76,0.209,0.691,0.1,-0.7971,1,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,9,1,1,1,1,17,19,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,6,3,12,2,4,12,1,7,0,2,1,0,5,2,0,1,3,40,18,0,0.0,0.2394687986282349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162830498001898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256230130834489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938835412226556,0.0,0.16952133932802674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215013030383846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802612665599287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23625725218534604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300468664750095,0.12947765121729368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225409529186765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665415334730575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6418150709897371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242429299956921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,helloween4040,2020/03/04,"Night terrors or sleeping flashbacks I find most of my flashbacks occur while I’m asleep and I’m struggling to find a way to reduce these from happening and to deal with guilt I have from my partner having to be exposed to it (she’s lovely and very understanding when these occur).

Does anyone Suffer from these as well and if so have you found coping mechanisms to reduce them from occurring",6.273918918918916,7.5469807162162175,5.968486486486487,78.63191891891893,66.16216216216216,8.082162162162161,29.664864864864867,8.238735603445708,2.1872627027027023,319,11,54,4,5,99,51,74,0.166,0.7609999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,3,1,0,4,3,2,0,0,12,10,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,7,2,13,8,1,4,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277105530565696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26948321906906336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287455142623953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778142977821146,0.0,0.0,0.2866023520086299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311476918543785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359160868843584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452982704299901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26158033228017274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732632110554552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721178307865293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156754108373468,0.0,0.20748045230044015,0.0,0.0,0.23502240288625065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gr33nthundah,2020/03/04,Anybody else feel permanently crippled/broken and hopeless? I've given up on any true recovery because I'm convinced I'm an inherently broken person now. My personality and my thinking and my everything is based around my trauma. It's hard. I feel like PTSD is a terminal illness.,4.818823529411767,7.700166176470593,6.666431372549024,65.4349411764706,73.50980392156862,8.785882352941178,35.69019607843137,9.3871,4.297106666666668,229,13,33,6,5,79,39,51,0.228,0.632,0.14,-0.6124,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,8,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,3,3,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095350453056344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742958945946197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782967327998856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573982600597973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769221937593182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115937418466264,0.22012401449901986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760187921013228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053393688783231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380843928452601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601807409876979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974335677823866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Boogiedat,2020/03/04,How can I live normally...? Everything’s just going downhill it seems since I was diagnosed. It’s not even from combat. It’s from sexual assault and a car accident. I can’t sleep anymore I don’t eat often either. My life has gone to the shitter and I need help. What do y’all do when your having a major panic attack or suicidal thoughts. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist and a doctor but I don’t have money to pay for them right now.,0.7682424242424233,3.1877334000000026,3.465353535353536,84.79045454545457,87.22222222222223,6.82828282828283,21.51515151515152,8.00094639256281,1.4716666666666671,346,12,68,8,11,121,65,90,0.16399999999999998,0.794,0.042,-0.8240000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,0,6,3,2,1,6,0,11,5,1,1,0,15,16,8,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,2,3,4,3,0,0,3,0,11,0,5,13,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,2,51,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337370788254041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681267322040036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23921622398973125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24123450212728445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411655113610019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566831195615874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181928682932413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394572647172548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579752885048555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664719188911581,0.0,0.0,0.20811496474178728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475810602940908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23092213790073365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27652661840074505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127446800616355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21455958860203356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496180925162584,0.0,0.2358561062244749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578021176083233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736494915443108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710827560058216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,i_am_always_bored97,2020/03/04,"Is it normal to just wanna give up already after 2 weeks of intensive therapy of PTSD? So I just started going through the therapy for PTSD, where I have to record myself telling the story of my trauma, and then I have to listen to it everyday until next week, and then re-record and listen at home, again and again...

 Is it normal to just wanna give up already? 

 I was so ready to go through with it, but now I just wanna give up and feel like crap, and I just feel like my past eating diorders and unhealthy habbits are trying to sneak up on me.

 Any advice on how to cope maybe?",6.435384615384617,5.296711128205132,6.7397863247863254,81.47326923076926,65.92307692307692,9.167521367521367,30.61111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.9167675213675208,450,13,92,4,6,146,66,117,0.086,0.8440000000000001,0.071,-0.4252,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,12,4,1,0,2,0,6,2,1,1,0,22,16,14,0,5,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,8,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,4,10,2,27,15,0,23,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,15,71,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761446198041592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33339778706919465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272624331880267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545724882844352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527613411630671,0.2158351414748272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347326642736192,0.1717021983695549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152588498628794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760094957786932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517604627518799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065443543828706,0.0,0.2960142124289657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420423233923738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35316301751317564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069213195027153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320334365935696,0.0,0.3455014354158895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256008698605687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423430614412576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EstExecutorThrowaway,2020/03/04,"stop rage I cant stop punching stuff rn and it hurts.

My career is ending and it's being blamed on me.  Lot's of backstabbing and deceit.  They played their cards right - I look like the asshole and after a lifetime of trauma the self-hatred is starting to seep in.   
 My career is/was my life even when I was a kid.  I know nothing else.

I'm probably autistic and am in extreme pain due to numerous injuries this past year.  I have no support network.  I haven't found a good therapist in 16 years.  Most make the problem worse.  I don't know what to do.  I have to wait to get laid off because I need the time - they hid the fact they didn't give a fuck about me and now I have 1.5 weeks to find another job.  I have no sanity to spare.",-0.242647058823529,2.006322562091505,1.6614738562091524,96.7761323529412,91.35294117647058,4.6286274509803915,18.761111111111113,6.2581,-0.11029908496732024,564,17,127,6,20,185,100,153,0.23600000000000002,0.698,0.066,-0.9754,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,0,4,10,2,0,9,0,14,3,0,1,1,19,27,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,6,0,3,4,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,1,20,4,16,23,2,19,0,1,1,1,6,6,1,2,14,77,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404125105190075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699142553920947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661904210448276,0.0,0.1554529021519873,0.0,0.0,0.11592503852655515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604161967832056,0.0,0.0,0.1924415385297283,0.0,0.16225944047213506,0.0916985811211543,0.16836858149969489,0.0,0.14721243101192708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878908757038678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741701072643794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291530412205532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239704045643026,0.08574705060392869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473871702298305,0.0,0.0,0.14921533613932006,0.0,0.0,0.11715665150620445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014106673163262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684099762212289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675878225467066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754753466094569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892332825773104,0.1679427551208683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988760502906756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309890134978893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422938768698542,0.0,0.0,0.2934743585135817,0.0,0.0,0.20092101320460226,0.0,0.19917068640356791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037847488124663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234335720286022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078637578108247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788632928259835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260499319402229
ptsd,bigdoubter,2020/03/04,"Trouble coping On mobile so sorry for formatting.

I’ve really been struggling lately and have only just realised that I most likely have PTSD. I thought after a lot of therapy and medications etc I’d finally recovered from my mental illness but because I never got diagnosed with PTSD, I didn’t get treatment for it, and now I’m back to square one. 

I’m trying to get treatment but it’s been like clockwork, where every single evening I have a flashback then I wake up on the dot at 3am having a major panic attack. So now I haven’t been to sleep properly in about 3 nights.

I guess I’m just writing here to ask for any tips on getting through and staying calm because before this began, I’d only had one flashback before about 2 years ago. Or maybe I had more but didn’t realise what they were. But it’s getting really bad and debilitating lately, I’ve been so depressed because I just feel like all the progress I made in the past has been totally wiped. 

I’m also curious on coping in the long term. I’m struggling to see how it will ever improve and if I’ll ever be able to function like a normal person.",6.553819133034381,5.941890058295964,7.426109865470853,74.92000186846039,65.45739910313901,9.585799701046339,34.27840059790732,8.841846274778883,2.9188597907324363,885,35,163,12,12,298,132,223,0.135,0.763,0.102,-0.8261,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,18,12,1,3,8,0,18,5,2,2,5,30,35,18,0,2,9,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,14,3,13,5,25,19,9,29,0,1,2,0,4,10,0,5,22,110,20,0,0.11908907459057022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556527920094856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523548992438144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098465445996357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113322088988059,0.13548101460378656,0.0,0.09157214743027273,0.09943440292915733,0.21778678357675227,0.0,0.20267206230354987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257124544192772,0.12087290390410213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328157979436667,0.07865721061125971,0.21544577189072192,0.10033768161222592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602150143393163,0.0850772586826256,0.0,0.1304562601859913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488765050131281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524641194408172,0.0,0.13119004188249905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686753265862767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23272362569377314,0.0,0.0,0.1053900834980252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124527255129467,0.0,0.1126849618309584,0.0,0.0,0.11964098208578795,0.0,0.0,0.11996971384392055,0.120013777138021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184883593281934,0.0,0.0,0.11175702918809356,0.11668200809408052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613956779840907,0.1811452151707104,0.0,0.13972536985749925,0.0,0.0,0.11368399690636675,0.0,0.10398398645274473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278417510631459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258302126550824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489857393422034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191750792960031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331046903800275,0.0,0.12693310820797926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24899551554459706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361887355100807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945434228461957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085366443483441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766894595476457
ptsd,bathwizard,2020/03/04,"I'm so tired of this. I'm dealing with more than the usual awful anxiety and other panic issues, from just being triggered all the time to thinking there's got to be some kind of conspiracy to kill me. I want off this crazy ride, I have almost nothing in my life that isn't some kind of coping or distraction. I'm so damn tired of running away, I'm tired of the past chasing me. I want to solve this riddle and I haven't got the mind to focus. There isn't a day in my life I don't isolate myself, that I don't dream of running off and never stopping until my legs fail me. Where is the time in the day for living my life? I'm so sad and disgusted with how things are right now, I just needed to vent.",2.5268813967489443,3.3826282384105997,4.142444310656234,89.81307645996388,74.56291390728477,6.550511739915713,22.33654425045153,6.574015621080383,0.3857629139072851,548,13,123,4,11,184,83,151,0.282,0.6729999999999999,0.045,-0.9914,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,3,2,7,1,10,7,1,2,2,22,21,10,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,1,1,0,3,6,7,0,0,2,0,15,2,24,17,4,21,0,2,0,0,1,8,1,4,10,83,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523806437167032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641297172045925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429728239815609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962797510470177,0.15688508703362794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24341548010702796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883049957487666,0.0,0.0,0.16835838694007915,0.3169323651689912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224557602620389,0.0,0.0,0.13437275112166036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365272731477658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283536249840585,0.11736625054697435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601540614736194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854382801822996,0.0,0.0,0.1452676490516796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995607514381827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722458198054026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010978854552137,0.09750718773542796,0.0,0.0,0.17746819046906853,0.524706136002639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759856259707284,0.0,0.17951276483880654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,trippymotions,2020/03/04,"Thanks for being a community I was recently (within the past few months) diagnosed with PTSD & while I’m not really ready to talk about it openly yet, it helps to know I’m not alone in what I’m going through. I don’t have anyone in my day to day life who truly understands what it can feel like and just how much it can affect day to day things. I guess I just wanted to say thank you all for sharing your stories and progresses, even fall backs, as it’s been incredibly therapeutic to finally feel like I’m not alone in what I’m experiencing. I hope everyone has a great night!",5.39950363196126,5.4153006694915256,6.484285714285715,78.59788135593223,67.72881355932203,10.471670702179175,27.87409200968523,10.290406445055957,2.488175302663439,461,13,97,11,7,155,79,118,0.027999999999999997,0.7340000000000001,0.23800000000000002,0.9749,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,2,1,19,23,5,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,4,8,7,16,20,3,19,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,14,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358050121835111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565180406747352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335475114994185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465661935401127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41820369540653546,0.0,0.0,0.16454356477400311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070755927186505,0.0,0.0,0.15490806728109954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394068136510725,0.2316303319054145,0.0,0.17758933065030275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213383169549304,0.0,0.0,0.17873263383796725,0.17858822330704813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866243385693752,0.0,0.0,0.161017020904795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909430092031399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450679436481576,0.15840264336316914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939884471893154,0.0,0.11917336090014545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213417877136942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475734845893355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950405018460648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385517941611312,0.0,0.1600692502088788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892055247261136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030209596399958,0.0,0.29850787997937456,0.0,0.0,0.10770216761949424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876769103665784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561977385309857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,morgs__,2020/03/04,"How to deal with flashbacks I’m diagnosed ptsd and recently lost my health insurance and can no longer see my psychiatrist, I’m also pregnant and have been off my meds for a few months because of it. Lately I’ve been having some pretty severe flashbacks and I’m not sure how to deal with them. Can anyone help? How do you handle yours? How can you identify triggers? Can i make them stop?",2.004064327485377,4.679041921052633,3.074385964912281,88.06125730994152,83.73684210526315,6.0093567251462,21.60233918128655,7.3871296695380915,0.9779637426900588,310,10,59,5,9,99,52,76,0.151,0.777,0.073,-0.6511,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,2,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,6,1,16,15,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,9,1,7,12,2,5,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,1,4,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874528754044114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628725465580767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625299169404242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.460869391093459,0.0,0.2268635566566828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23758655494144876,0.0,0.0,0.1498177473765974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521352520148643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439936031203015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919835102792142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248275364406934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840796253881014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22739564796204115,0.0,0.0,0.2612776919278142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069461946829094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811293771385725,0.0,0.0,0.25250892625528404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686899034872384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066074059385734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,titsntattoos94,2020/03/04,"Internally screaming! So everyday I have thoughts of suicide. I dont do it because it would leave my hubby in a bad spot in life but damn some days that voice in my head makes me want to just say fuck it. Every day, ""you could just slice your wrist and go out in a bath. You can sleep peacefully forever.  No more inadequacy. No more weight struggles. No more money problems. No more pain."". That voice is so damn alluring. But nope, I'm here living life. Screaming back at the voice in my head!",0.631502209131078,3.1451858247422706,1.953379970544919,93.39837628865982,92.81443298969073,5.245655375552285,20.33063328424153,6.868970318607317,0.4879932253313699,383,13,81,6,14,122,68,97,0.368,0.584,0.048,-0.9902,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,3,0,0,6,9,3,1,3,0,7,9,4,1,0,13,13,5,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,5,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,6,9,0,0,1,7,9,0,9,10,5,12,0,0,0,1,4,7,3,1,4,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467453148822374,0.167954668733631,0.12262123239933655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606046046069962,0.0,0.0,0.2594545760540401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235750261305038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694803969274939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596305693514173,0.0,0.0,0.11432010049337728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128827978606041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299238340957305,0.0,0.0,0.2841611598706705,0.0,0.0,0.17762211837702022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342714420250963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404137692393502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247661671648586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996524016325706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129864890650515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028918612428013,0.0,0.2200291473920984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969331335342254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864547425063802,0.0,0.0,0.2449506237853377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142893588602029,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Specific_Ride,2020/03/05,"Anyone else get a breathing tick? I was diagnosed with ptsd last year and it has been extremely difficult to come to terms with it. I don't know anyone who has it and it has completely changed my personality. I also, when i am more anxious then normal i get a breathing tick. It feels like i can't get a deep enough breath. It is an urge that i can not suppress. If i try it just builds and builds until i feel like i can't breathe. It is really obvious and embarassing and wanted to know if anyone else deals with this.",2.043490566037736,4.0952927830188735,3.572301886792456,88.33071698113207,78.71698113207547,7.258867924528303,22.864150943396226,8.238735603445708,1.2644898113207552,409,13,87,8,10,135,63,106,0.053,0.895,0.052000000000000005,-0.0222,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,12,5,4,0,1,21,21,11,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,2,11,2,7,19,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,8,59,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027936810277414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816909918471032,0.0,0.3679628866412565,0.3594669376165402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855658848510916,0.15110455049266713,0.1839193634829676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808452347194707,0.0,0.1780426035911415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930735644286345,0.0,0.0,0.18125065871326554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739026004960495,0.2506331221142714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749414022539503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280706994250715,0.14298669438699882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139788528851355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186952445350911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531656730487829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050508297439315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237538560117127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190953179819638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103464353133375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296155387061055
ptsd,Starfthegreat,2020/03/05,"Can PTSD make you imagine smells? First of all, I'm not formally diagnosed with PTSD, but I suspect that I might experiencing some symptoms. Anyways, for the past few months I've been protesting semi regularly against a corrupt political class and degrading living conditions. During the protests, I've seen severe instances of police brutality and I've gotten tear gassed more than once. Recently me and some friends were in a protest that culminated in a very tense stand-off with riot police, and suddenly I started to smell tear gas. I immediately panicked and told my friends I'm leaving. I went to the side, took a break and a breather and started to chat with some other people. Strangely no one else had smelled any tear gas, and when I rejoined my friends later they also told me they didn't smell anything. This made me wonder if I had just imagined everything the smell, and if the tense atmosphere and abundance of policemen has led me to experience flashbacks from the times I got tear gassed. Hence my interest in knowing if it's possible for PTSD to manifest itself through smells.",7.309020979020977,8.626837656565659,6.8580808080808096,73.02122377622379,63.84848484848485,9.930691530691533,38.46309246309247,10.035473477838034,4.113907847707848,888,46,147,19,13,277,126,198,0.21,0.716,0.07400000000000001,-0.9843,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,2,1,4,9,4,0,11,0,8,2,0,3,1,32,23,16,0,3,6,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,5,1,0,3,3,5,0,2,13,8,18,4,20,9,6,18,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,8,10,91,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646762763042535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903966039247493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198486646929596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782073756001202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166287613010948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089113558573068,0.1424630982601224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388064189291965,0.0,0.0,0.33756148874337993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648098464391307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003950377836502,0.0,0.0,0.1542109000595472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860209509338075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780734665719213,0.09721530693032646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450019195784204,0.0,0.0,0.11624783194674056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510101084242767,0.09868890126746103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902911015360278,0.10096789400487917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418633223655826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107333460419332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380115478264485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645308584138485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061683719787302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137490866125775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492339747546637,0.0,0.0,0.27832902235877593,0.16181052664463622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016760496081474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350090114168399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793951613205304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,katkart,2020/03/05,"Do y’all struggle with people being supportive in a way that helps nothing? (Sex mentioned) I recently got diagnosed (again,) but I’ve known I had PTSD for a while. I am in a constant state of anxiety and generally can’t have sex without having anxiety attacks afterwards, which is incredibly frustrating because my actual sex drive hasn’t changed. The thing is, people assume how I feel, and they’re WAY off. 

“It wasn’t your fault! Never think it was your fault! Someone will love you eventually, don’t think they won’t” is just awkward when I genuinely don’t feel like it’s my fault, at least for the most part, or worry about other people being attracted to me. It’s honestly more offensive to me than helpful. When I explain, most people think I’m just trying to play off my “insecurities” that aren’t actually the problem. There’s nothing wrong with people who DO have those problems, but it offends me when people just assume, especially when I’m explaining otherwise. 

Any advice? Anybody relate?",5.621088803088803,7.481890232432432,6.4662741312741305,72.23871621621623,68.29729729729729,9.61003861003861,32.67374517374517,9.957137785484203,3.6170231660231664,803,36,132,20,14,265,115,185,0.217,0.63,0.153,-0.9301,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,1,0,11,19,4,3,6,0,21,5,0,1,1,28,33,11,0,2,7,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0,10,1,0,1,9,13,0,0,4,2,17,6,16,25,5,19,0,0,0,4,12,5,0,5,11,94,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.2525925980818212,0.0,0.0,0.12646877568090087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801076837952984,0.0,0.19801353478692735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472351555443424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889388548696069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369103357039016,0.0,0.0,0.1398582033497713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135966585032816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087836739755646,0.09245844114805246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035098557435474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734964356890593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322859946110179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680757225001898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981751084965283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483660220788489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015041118511865,0.0,0.5383456626053328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476769783016831,0.15128630976072482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778769713194502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965805604009954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529900690612276,0.0,0.0,0.14686550110245913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598161082315417,0.2487833953374374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878684138453462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545684902301686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475729696510278,0.0,0.0,0.1314333829279834,0.0,0.0,0.1415016275934791,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Rasmatakka,2020/03/05,"Trauma stored in the body: how do you experience it? For me it is that i have a very ""tight"" chest, full of tension. And my head, also my forehead, feels often so weird. Tingling, hot and theres this strange tension around my whole head as well. Really my head feels extremely weird. Sometimes i think i am having a tumor or i'm about to get a stroke. And the feeling in the forehead almost feels like shame. I dont know. Not sure if i am making sense here. Just wanted to get it out and ask for your experience with this. 
This is 2 years in btw. During the first months i had a lot of back pain, too.",0.9919887429643524,3.1573791056910596,2.394308943089431,94.74861163227017,83.14634146341461,5.085428392745467,18.404627892432767,6.297961479604792,-0.2421364602876799,462,11,103,4,13,149,84,123,0.179,0.7609999999999999,0.06,-0.9335,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,1,12,10,0,3,8,0,9,10,7,2,1,25,21,10,0,2,4,0,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,6,0,1,0,2,7,1,1,1,7,13,3,14,20,3,10,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,5,5,72,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713732507298873,0.0,0.0,0.1334787213551364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858623836573864,0.15603931791871944,0.0,0.0,0.1283443090432155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540056994520926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561852945555072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265421058698498,0.0,0.0,0.33758100585296485,0.11924130084671065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197446978992845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440828881577947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.513896731065418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172995826906374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154431717472467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190182183269615,0.0,0.0,0.11141443445884427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322682263087698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177605145227496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692750462666303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507931487284128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731170696084673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694987326466293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771911203837855,0.09844847284998633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007309599623467,0.0,0.0,0.18635024749225007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748525586379708
ptsd,torontocounter,2020/03/05,"I've been spending the last year trying to insulate my life from my own mistake Over a year ago I had a really awful breakup with my partner. I've spent my time since then trying to come to terms with it, but I don't think I've made much progress.

I get anxious if I hear her name, I feel confusion and imagine I'm about to see her on my commute or in a part of town we used to walk through. If it's an anniversary or her birthday or even someone else's party who knows her, I find myself just staying home and staring at a wall instead of keeping myself busy.

I know we all make mistakes and need to just live with them, but it's not going away. I don't feel like it was me making the choices and it haunts me knowing I lost so much love over nothing.

I've been trying to get better, I've got a better job, I live on my own and I'm taking a couple courses. I listen to philosophy discussion to try and pacify my thoughts.

Its helping, but my whole life is still held in place by this thin rope, ready to fall at any moment.

I'm terrified by the thought of dealing with this breakup and coming to terms with how things are. When I'm feeling this way I can lock myself in my room for days, quit a job on a whim, say awful things about myself on a loop, and it's all my fault.

I can't stop reliving this event. I haven't spoken to her since and I really don't think it would be a good idea, she has already moved on from me.",3.3517540983606584,3.6771266918032812,4.517500000000002,89.83625000000002,72.24590163934427,7.280327868852459,26.397540983606557,6.961326702584282,0.9684065573770488,1111,34,254,9,20,366,165,305,0.11,0.777,0.113,0.4851,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,1,5,10,10,0,1,14,2,15,3,0,5,2,58,49,21,0,6,11,0,4,1,1,1,2,3,2,1,15,18,0,3,13,0,2,6,6,5,0,0,11,9,41,5,41,36,10,40,0,1,2,1,19,18,0,6,15,161,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966795743491018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407620503103407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646051007198994,0.0,0.0,0.12702096621749984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056375642239466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888146380363286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370775849921645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440857932433347,0.0,0.0725120838690425,0.11591684346552275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392606485997504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426308705373419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055344896183128,0.08032448416034292,0.0,0.0,0.10276470155160844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748660684627248,0.0,0.06390011570400325,0.0943061975099216,0.08992554562755667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267238327740457,0.0,0.07536365272515383,0.0,0.11278273283299013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692684788077885,0.0,0.0,0.2231512708959751,0.09993851097447587,0.0,0.0,0.18537607844829845,0.09165055577284603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588341063028678,0.05493067558603239,0.0,0.19856654896029036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273745597372256,0.0,0.10147811136011556,0.1063899045626881,0.15010414868632954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950194686630225,0.16530717132275194,0.08337005957296413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788562060274416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175750903347066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747195727964956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958979891593292,0.0,0.0,0.14405909010890033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894138240863684,0.0,0.0,0.08959713931609213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860168666399442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526687532339503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984208938501105,0.08979173973765121,0.09400174505588134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845380720768162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939530562895914,0.1440892264676276,0.0,0.17852365693171354,0.06556248539513232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30534735080869946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710882543363998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924666698931745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553106513161744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987149071443354,0.0,0.0,0.14481052572884848
ptsd,InevitableJohnVoight,2020/03/05,"PTSD dilemma; moving out/on? Hi everyone,

About two years ago, after years and years of suffering from depression, I was diagnosed with CPTSD and BPD. These two years have been incredibly tough - and it still is. 

My entire childhood I was physically en emotionally abused- I've never felt safe in my own home. Unfortunately, my current living situation is slightly problematic as well. I live in a flat with loud and dirty housemates in an unsafe and criminal neighborhood. It really triggers my PTSD, every minute of the day. My therapist is very clear on this one: you need a safe place for yourself.  I seem unable to fully recover and have very intense setbacks and the lack of a secure basis seems to play a part in this. Now, unfortunately, I live in a big city and I can't afford to rent anything other than what I have now.

I have the following dilemma. There is a possibility for me to move to another village where I can easily get a studio. But then I have to leave all my friends (who really support me) behind. This because it takes 2 hours to travel from the city to the village and in the country where I live that is considered a long way off. 

At this point I just don't know which choice to make anymore. I've been home ill for almost two years  without any education or job, completely in the grip of my CPTSS. I really want my life back. Building a valuable existence. But I'm so scared. I don't want to lose my friends because they are everything to me since I don't have family anymore.

What is more important? Getting stable and create my first safe place in a small village where I know no one and where there are very little things to do? Or stay with my friends, my social safety net, in a big city with possibilities, but in an unsafe environment? 

I really really really don't know what to do anymore...",3.8744603629417367,5.98397091117479,5.176226361031522,78.67186580706782,73.41260744985674,8.55018147086915,27.39264565425024,9.21078282632365,2.4974858834766,1444,55,267,34,30,480,184,349,0.102,0.807,0.091,-0.5833,4,0,0,0,1,0,44.0,0,1,1,2,14,16,0,1,20,0,26,3,0,2,3,41,42,19,0,4,7,0,2,0,3,0,3,1,4,0,16,15,0,4,6,2,1,4,8,5,1,6,5,3,34,11,45,37,5,49,0,3,0,0,8,24,0,5,19,184,50,1,0.0,0.09977217608205363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464491157331576,0.0,0.0843216967688564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726402105613144,0.08829895752802301,0.0,0.0,0.25053378468982906,0.0,0.0,0.0692956380436895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475040751324912,0.0,0.10266428081262192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605646039281773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829001322088499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430690291748338,0.0,0.07252783873571914,0.08546888988335594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947221588241162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094849204309987,0.08046392189616403,0.07568031548714536,0.0,0.07938338310611752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085245273945403,0.0,0.0,0.07162689833235965,0.0,0.0,0.1951756308789675,0.0,0.08798993783750582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893407542365638,0.0,0.08292747364326128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356299914333698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883480046852587,0.0,0.0,0.08916363599289821,0.0,0.0,0.05947828231328541,0.0,0.08439808641566847,0.29742723479086225,0.07452103118525892,0.0,0.0942067080982813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620919297356025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899859666532653,0.0,0.06243883074206779,0.06494605317404098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412242929330067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118856981819916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595793250223474,0.0,0.07960335227959152,0.189862718613232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968682375384767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236730736515936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430644687526788,0.0,0.0,0.15331878035523672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965735487532126,0.09465281345918362,0.0,0.08583899190301787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975404327662306,0.0672482575667143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555772892793647,0.0,0.0,0.06331359723985124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977714549178781,0.05594375396638823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24677561919981336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084401410547594,0.09933558852145503,0.06684003301644229,0.0,0.0,0.07571269965121079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117307247572347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27113450416033913
ptsd,stillakid12345,2020/03/05,"I'm done for I miss my dead friends. It's so hard going with the nightmares. I want to cry but I can't. No one cares. I'm going to a special education school full of depressed kids and I try to help them and I'm their big brother but at the end of the day, no one cares about me. I never talked about it. I tried to tell my girlfriend and she even barely cared when she is a good person. It sucks when girls talk about it, they get praised for being courageous while I will be laughed at and called a pussy. I just hate the nightmares I'm on meds that do not help me. I just want to go back before  of this.  Even now I'm having difficulty expressing my self. I'm just so pissed off girls talk about it but I can't because I'm a boy. If anyone has tips for the nightmares please share them with me. Sorry for the rant I just have no one to talk to about all of this.",-0.3465812379110247,1.7229186648936192,1.237408123791102,101.41136363636365,88.41489361702128,4.056479690522243,16.524177949709866,5.238671369647483,-0.9899234042553192,671,15,166,3,22,215,102,188,0.21100000000000002,0.596,0.193,-0.6051,0,4,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,4,1,17,15,3,0,10,0,11,1,1,0,2,19,30,13,1,3,9,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,8,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,3,1,1,23,10,26,26,2,17,1,2,0,0,26,6,2,1,8,109,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677891512793407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642811405971872,0.0,0.08437294997679345,0.0,0.11777601579118273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133124536881853,0.0,0.4233521430505015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520359823621489,0.08926246922460437,0.0,0.11921162182478234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164064329023082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258944930320907,0.0,0.0,0.18283591282881712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069345872488084,0.0,0.0723130826501861,0.0,0.23598337575479894,0.11609105136354697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398743676620674,0.13665040790604846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855455083647052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374139416046545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674969039416546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281368922329508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208535551599219,0.0,0.15193171347169515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007747701028433,0.0,0.0,0.1443909581215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493774255905207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44499221632487546,0.12097572182427548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794149230079168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327463797332015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RobMofSD,2020/03/05,"PTSD Walk Hello All! 

I wanted to share with you all my nephew who is walking across the country, meeting with people where he can bring the conversation to more people about PTSD. He is trying to share what has helped him, talk to people about getting help, and bring awareness. I just thought I would share. I am very proud of him.  Hopefully, he helps some people or gets them to get help.

Please note I was not asked to post here, I just thought maybe some of you would be interested in talking with someone passing through the USA on a long walk (6k miles).

Well wishes to all!

[\#PTSDwalk](https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/ptsdwalk?source=feed_text&epa=HASHTAG&__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARCpZg9Xp43hwl90Ko6sv7VhYr8Gj6R6sqhS6SvNdKgCDwhHONV3SW_hseQRt_2o5XmIPx4MoAffEONCqxJUZxc9TkreQkSG2MbglYDM6TivGLDUnHtpTqR3nV-CsZ9Gtd3NZeGqOW9V19yjzBFPMkvRRiEaEmOWxe-uFZU6hPmxqnuIJE8NWl-gzPFRD26NCALIaZPhX_Nz9KY7082VjkbYJASFjJi2vsu05m3M5AX4hOAym9joxD4whpduAHkGhLZgyI6zvJTEHwB-NaAGj88EIT3ziJXFmZFqJTOw4hNw-OQICOZfXw9qAvSaoUmSMvo9qpxWEhSmedt-1q2P3WFmoDwhevO6_CKxYIBGZ3aQuxIlsEK58QSbNB2TpcCcsRLiUWKvakSpJO0J2oyvW5Z9syWyXJEwIWKRiAAPSP5S&__tn__=%2ANK-R)

[https://youtu.be/\_VulmdTWRO8](https://youtu.be/_VulmdTWRO8)",23.393852307692303,31.07733297600001,10.910400000000005,33.96658461538462,35.24000000000001,8.006153846153849,29.615384615384606,8.841846274778883,2.8538923076923077,1062,25,95,13,13,241,87,125,0.0,0.758,0.242,0.9776,0,0,0,0,0,0,65.0,0,2,1,1,7,7,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,3,20,20,2,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,3,0,12,7,18,14,6,13,0,0,0,0,23,5,0,4,1,59,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569394714457606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141882425037896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22033420064963544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768983404882534,0.0,0.0,0.13962288027083675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440461747730835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412266706408943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389828540356183,0.0,0.0,0.15430934216543754,0.0,0.0,0.13463217125209512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286497435002043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910890036021553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259780219704564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320199327665935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544132485522422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598925208271925,0.08291488788697428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263939761497342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165452826571816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972116009542515,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,scooty_hearts,2020/03/05,"Ro Blac - 7 years in prison for shooting undercover agent n this video I interview my cousin, Ro Blac about his life and his time in Northwest Correctional Complex in Tiptonville, Tennessee. He speaks on his childhood, the situation leading up to him shooting a Tennessee Bureau of Investigation agent and his time in prison.
https://youtu.be/7FJfFDOIUiA",8.729285714285716,12.216697642857143,6.899428571428577,65.54557142857146,63.64285714285714,10.194285714285718,37.98571428571428,10.355215969177356,4.900318571428572,292,15,40,8,5,86,42,56,0.11699999999999999,0.883,0.0,-0.765,0,0,0,2,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,10,0,0,11,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,22,8,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755624494480591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5976642412543411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6200886744046589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34240376336354644
ptsd,LuciousLisa,2020/03/05,"""if I make a big deal out of [the trigger] too it only reinforces it"" Some of my traumatic experiences are responsible for a deep seated dental anxiety that is almost impossible to overcome. This is apparently [a well known phenomenon in abuse survivors](https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/abuse-survivors/).  

This morning I couldn't avoid going to a dentist and as I was getting ready and reached out to a friend for reassurance, he (with only the best intentions, he's extremely supportive otherwise) remarked:  
> if I make a big deal out of it too it only reinforces it  

I know (read: feel) this to be incorrect (for me anyway), but for some reason I can't really find a logical reason that would explain why the premise itself is incorrect, even if I sort of understand why he might have that misconception..?  

I'd love to read some insights from this community to help me wrap my head around this thought experiment I'm trying to figure out.",8.333214285714284,9.10737255952381,8.310809523809526,65.40085714285718,61.5,12.196190476190472,37.03809523809524,11.792908689023552,4.813840952380953,762,34,123,23,10,247,103,168,0.038,0.809,0.153,0.9417,1,1,0,0,2,0,37.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,10,0,11,3,1,6,0,37,23,7,0,5,4,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,14,8,0,1,12,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,1,11,6,24,17,4,10,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,9,0,85,25,2,0.0,0.18049495753177205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254394235908925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653772562472428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561262016559697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986874616580288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31410642572098746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061744324668837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980304976992608,0.0,0.0,0.07702638754669222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392336615181405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769552925511688,0.0,0.07959002558059157,0.0,0.08657687850563266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634216412149682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210857576455948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372067376743678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749048841949715,0.0,0.20337284996799496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160595152771542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475784660784617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30475733194009913,0.0,0.09759126571666664,0.3132565228324575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287072310115603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093891213087354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342712294699877,0.0,0.0,0.15858864885646154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696965471538114,0.0,0.2749216923908875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821614752121744,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Plastic_Plan,2020/03/05,"After a fight, my girlfriend no longer believes me. Because I wouldn't buy her something, my girlfriend began to say my ex, a rapist, was right about various things and has now defended her on multiple occasions based on nothing other than personal bitterness. 

I don't even know what to say I just wanted to share.",8.70080459770115,8.215758275862072,8.225862068965515,70.52201149425288,61.06896551724138,11.871264367816092,40.022988505747115,11.20814326018867,4.674774712643679,252,12,42,6,3,80,46,58,0.205,0.759,0.036000000000000004,-0.8807,0,0,1,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,9,1,8,4,1,6,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,3,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663255730383026,0.0,0.0,0.3819023577857761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388604549911972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862886788959452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32525021408670624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959749442069138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28947795563255113,0.0,0.5391240327288379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609551506955371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22519616084097466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993289316400412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,helpjustcut,2020/03/05,Are flashbacks good? Is it good to have flashbacks as a controlled kind of exposure?,3.671999999999997,6.909549866666668,3.068333333333332,86.4225,83.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,34.16666666666667,7.1686216300943375,2.729666666666668,68,4,11,1,2,20,13,15,0.0,0.6609999999999999,0.33899999999999997,0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939236557787606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7387397597141578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585880391807148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MovingCouchT,2020/03/05,Can PTSD with dissociative features turn into schizophrenia? I hope not.,7.0109090909090925,10.891605090909092,4.791363636363638,70.50704545454549,89.0,5.836363636363638,32.77272727272727,7.1686216300943375,3.2600545454545458,60,3,7,1,2,17,11,11,0.0,0.7559999999999999,0.244,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.528188062975222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6216347602912694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5784354717063078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Befferzzz,2020/03/05,Starting intense trauma therapy Friday I mean the title says it all. I developed ptsd 9 years ago. Now some time later I’ve developed Functional Neurological Disorder. I lock up and spasm and tick. But the worst part is the pseudo seizures.. The idea of Friday coming is causing my body to freak out.. And I just want to cry.. I know everything will get better and that it’s just a shit day. I just feel so god damn alone..,2.1378726287262846,4.686332109756101,3.6486991869918697,85.13112466124663,81.5609756097561,7.059078590785908,22.52574525745257,8.167268648758528,1.4878899728997292,331,11,64,7,9,109,63,82,0.214,0.6940000000000001,0.092,-0.9159,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,5,0,3,3,2,1,1,18,10,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,7,1,5,9,4,10,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,7,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899300624435615,0.0,0.0,0.2324994580180965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853933694993592,0.0,0.2493529783115708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306086257050863,0.0,0.19337453173848898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246586973011046,0.14477468917296726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572800321381172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017532498181965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350670234688205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728449991089952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534170026451193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337145620181622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445307103639753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24309611011360155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624117411093164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785200189977838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23043131949658294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889211622429447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567189335442496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089940238967268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240746736983933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456141468248812
ptsd,SteveIsABot,2020/03/05,"First responder PTSD, can anyone relate or offer advice? Please help... I started my EMS career when I was 14, back when this was considered “okay.” 

Since then it’s been death and chaos every day Up until I finally quit EMS a few years ago. I’m 30 now, and I’ve tried getting back into EMS thinking it would help, but it didn’t and so I let my licenses lapse for good now. I hope it’s a good start. 

I’m angry... at everything. I don’t enjoy leaving the house anymore and it’s straining my relationship. My son I had a year ago brings me joy, but there are moments where I have to just walk away. It’s a huge toll on my marriage, and my wife deserves better. 

I am extremely hyper vigilant, which leads to me needing to control how most things are done. My wife can’t even put her hand on my leg if we’re sitting on the couch without warning me first or It scares the hell out of me and I jump/heart races. Sounds are awful, if it’s not silence or music, I really don’t want to hear it. The ice maker dropping ice, the remote dropping, people talking, conversations are especially bad because my brain refuses to focus on just one conversation I’m actively listening to all 50 in the room and I get overwhelmed and end up having to exit the area. I have to sit facing the entrance anywhere i go and scan everyone constantly. 

I feel like I’m letting my family down not being able to sit through a kid’s birthday or a family gathering for an hour without having to hide in the car to avoid a full out anger/panic event. I don’t leave the house much to just avoid it all. All I’m told is that avoidance is the best thing, but I feel it’s only isolating me more. 

I’m very angry very often. Not physically towards others but I will hit myself or break things if I feel cornered. I am on Propranolol 40mg a day, and I’ve never sought support from anyone for anything. I’ve been taught to rely only on yourself, so this is a huge step for me. 

I could really use your advice. Thank you. 

God the noises and anger are the worst for me... if I can fix just that I’ll be happy.",2.9233461978273283,4.2786754198113215,4.560531732418529,85.25039165237281,74.28301886792453,7.403544882790166,25.112635791881075,8.00094639256281,1.3910261006289306,1614,52,333,24,33,544,234,424,0.127,0.7140000000000001,0.159,0.8899,0,3,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,2,0,7,17,22,2,6,23,2,34,4,4,5,4,60,61,31,1,9,22,3,4,1,0,2,0,3,2,1,20,14,0,5,4,0,0,7,11,10,0,3,9,8,43,12,41,44,10,63,1,1,1,0,21,25,1,12,26,220,63,3,0.1003493309303857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612040957132296,0.1779072542752526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951957161334588,0.14033317084937194,0.0,0.08257894903858155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942814997070725,0.15432488258186752,0.08378749973251888,0.06117202072634775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531043174971423,0.08875082840604627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202304083460712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844197698281673,0.11255030751523123,0.08012077524853853,0.0,0.0,0.1294340335141615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269220608531952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887972194488937,0.0,0.0,0.06627978666243957,0.0,0.08454863934000384,0.09588808608008532,0.09018750807801933,0.0,0.18920083667884632,0.0,0.15221891063529436,0.07168958206741195,0.0,0.10992778699769268,0.0,0.17071417925181326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485676729046367,0.0,0.05703083731897698,0.16833651548529835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682372876362203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310098912576885,0.11891444031569752,0.13452408249905112,0.0,0.0,0.09966952807474397,0.09882387713304004,0.2315793094691821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125109043114641,0.0,0.20522797950300165,0.0,0.049025614252092065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376830457583583,0.07440775736312576,0.07739559035353367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799930369952645,0.15264037617318846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956959090802134,0.0,0.0,0.11015343102305117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173029978074191,0.10087879425622086,0.0,0.1067338656877652,0.0,0.0,0.12857270197095794,0.0,0.0,0.10773762673050656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046718634363776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301000352698792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205554585539756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387523154642867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065699103674752,0.0,0.09238818156289268,0.0,0.0,0.20000290948636515,0.0642997993318006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588808608008532,0.0,0.06813060859864982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666960246514695,0.0,0.16559741489936616,0.05918863534425426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346634808533347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128528552998639,0.0,0.0,0.12924335807423418
ptsd,Legend7Ali,2020/03/05,"Do I have a light case of ptsd, and if so what do I do? I hate when people i know self diagnose themselves, but at the same time I don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in person about this issue, so I will do it behind the safety of a screen. 

Basically for the past 6 years of my life I have had terrible foot pain, due to the bones in my foot fusing together, and I had surgery to get this issue fixed during the summer. Now when I sleep or try to go to bed, I can’t sleep because I’m scared I’m going to mess up my foot again. Now I can only sleep with pillows elevating my foot. I have tried multiple times to sleep without a pillow lifting my foot, and sleep like a regular person, but I get scared. What do I do?",3.4284313725490208,3.7479797189542476,5.107718954248367,85.69373529411766,72.07189542483661,8.211503267973857,25.757516339869284,8.238735603445708,1.3796959477124182,559,16,125,8,10,191,87,153,0.14400000000000002,0.782,0.07400000000000001,-0.897,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,1,2,9,0,15,14,11,0,0,12,24,11,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,3,3,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,3,19,2,19,21,1,17,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,12,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297213279772242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381500172278782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882191955074858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222498320407653,0.0,0.15471027935349302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438164476603134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28412948950540795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480316367250478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613937582995484,0.06649706398308414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035187117554311,0.14483192839314654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299335551961999,0.09436237788066618,0.23769412425579384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910672552714966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27254214028366736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419936810949796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6810475601272384,0.0,0.11532659003850185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940103812008374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873508707832856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184821159645034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120635328556915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765115932111205
ptsd,hardlystella2020,2020/03/05,"Mental illness hAppy hour So this is the name of a podcast I like and listen to. It’s dark at times and sometimes I can only listen to it in segments.. and sometimes things are so profound and perfect to hear- a justification of my own feelings being valid.

He talks a lot about his support groups and how helpful they are.

I have stopped drinking and think I am ready to go to a PTSD support group.. but I was never in the service and I am afraid I will be rejected or that it will be too intense.

Thoughts?",2.661078431372552,4.589147264705887,3.753529411764706,88.33754901960786,76.35294117647058,5.31764705882353,28.98039215686275,5.82211442006289,1.1555215686274516,399,18,79,2,9,129,70,102,0.076,0.774,0.151,0.5621,0,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,0,1,6,0,13,2,0,2,2,19,22,12,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,6,7,1,1,4,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,4,10,5,11,15,3,9,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,2,5,62,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834221353183946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753573717091776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086907809893782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22639831750205824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397021143359726,0.0,0.14255271882844447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20944372351444754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390310008499117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081013744382976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143281063171107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402939347765594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175022510663106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486076983917374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.420685417929064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778072565193173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826860310094011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094148722242256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129295905602005,0.13627465126827726,0.0,0.16884155524960526,0.12401350264046955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Jazzlike-Advantage,2020/03/06,"Therapy has helped me identify what I have gone through I was able to write a relatively short journal entry that covered some of the early sources of trauma in my life. It helped me understand when I was having a flashback and intensely re-experiencing a traumatic event. A lot of what I went through was hidden because that protected the people who harmed me. As part of a healing process I though it might help to share this journal entry. I got used to being silenced or threatened not to tell anyone. Therapy has taught me that feeling like you do not have to hide these sorts of things or push them down helps a person process them. This can help remove the danger that their brain has associated with similar sights, sounds, smells, people and scenarios. Thank you.

***TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHILD ABUSE***


""I did not go to some offered drop-in counselling today. This was a result of the landlord sending a harassing message that contacted me about matters a clinician covered in a clinical letter. The clinical letter asked them to contact the clinician instead as part of accommodating my tenancy.


I found this to be very isolating and depressing behaviour towards me. I felt as though I was intentionally not being accommodated. It came across as childish- as though a non-consensual and inappropriate relationship was being forced on me instead of the landlord acknowledging violations towards tenants by their intermediary.


It retraumatised me. I have had a freeze response in not wanting to move in order to stop this kind of thing from happening to someone else and having low self worth sometimes.


I had flashbacks today as a result of this mistreatment combined with the abuse I had normalised when I was young.


Today I could smell and feel things that happened when I was younger that caused me to barely eat or not eat anything. I lose my appetite when in this kind of environment and am concerned about my ability to eat properly continuing. This is the first time I have admitted that I may relapse into not eating or barely eating.


When I was in elementary school l started having to miss school to fill the role of a wife to a middle-aged man without my consent. It was to placate his temper and death threats to harm myself or others. He would also molest me but would never call it that. When confronted on it he would make excuses or gaslight me about it. He would also bring me around other middle-aged men, usually on commonly celebrated holidays, and I would have to let them molest me too because I was conditioned to understand that harm would come to myself or others if I did not let this happen.


The landlord's behaviour and enabling of the superintendent while contacting me on matters that a clinician has already provided clinical input on (and asked for her to be contacted instead) has been triggering for me.


The middle-aged man would force me to take gifts and hush money or beg him for economic support. He started doing this to me as a child on what he told me was advice from a doctor so I would feel like I could not tell anyone the true depth of the abuse and manipulation. It also prevented me from ever looking for support outside of his control or manipulation.


I was being intimidated into thinking a doctor was not only protecting his molestation and abuse of me but actively advising him to make me take hush money to hide and perpetuate it. This prevented me from connecting to social services, abuse intervention or clinical services that would remove his access to me and not keep this hidden. He brainwashed me into learned helplessness so I could not survive without allowing for a lack of boundaries to be taken against my body and person for the benefit of another without my consent. 


I feel like I have been a prisoner of war my whole life to feed the sick wants of corrupt men and their enablers. This comes from trauma bonding and behaviours associated with Stockholm syndrome.


I have never been able to work through this before because doing so would interfere with keeping me silenced. I have never been allowed to work through this before because keeping the people who did this to me safe and those who enabled them safe was more important than my personhood and well-being. If I was considered a person this would not have happened to me.


I was failed by people I should have been able to trust and it was never my fault.""",8.059698581560284,8.73938549747475,7.9965613582634845,67.74480657640233,62.080808080808076,10.831334622823984,38.18944766817107,10.628707181202255,4.381071104663659,3542,169,559,81,47,1142,329,792,0.132,0.775,0.092,-0.9912,1,0,0,0,5,0,62.0,0,2,8,10,25,36,10,0,40,0,79,18,2,14,6,131,123,59,2,20,30,1,6,3,0,14,10,3,4,10,54,33,6,12,12,1,3,13,20,22,0,1,38,13,90,14,112,59,8,63,0,6,2,0,65,23,0,18,29,458,144,12,0.16198841062943878,0.3198829634249273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527644000278921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958607974219645,0.1295420734555614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661965752489261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551070875350137,0.0,0.044434219880313285,0.048068009665870166,0.10095819807364176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166217546351602,0.0,0.09189347095696898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997753551205767,0.0,0.06027754634877524,0.055136092880907615,0.061757195851696964,0.0,0.05546890649259115,0.0,0.09302578154876252,0.0,0.0,0.06056125889168335,0.12933456477066865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046506793570397435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053466821060644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762576408749386,0.04510684372734754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884259714195214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920827682852302,0.11572455292048593,0.05184475912643257,0.0,0.0,0.04592908644319423,0.0,0.059203977058621016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030687248928365975,0.0,0.043185643301097816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909944220595616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096236179294076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398274228532462,0.0,0.11245733481488764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042941661280124,0.07627813666267408,0.0791393550828713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045343155701667706,0.06040786548787287,0.0,0.045905584652255485,0.0,0.0,0.07208568130384897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057281368287190014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057389348211787934,0.0,0.0,0.1665805980615634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04106649525367762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694510870420227,0.0,0.14973649024989158,0.1414420319773564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797164351522336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929394647032822,0.0,0.0,0.056329746882048684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504226165171261,0.04575075155135404,0.0,0.05340356004848319,0.0,0.07643748719552709,0.0,0.0,0.04514318821569687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254835248851492,0.0,0.0,0.08119675005793074,0.0,0.09439000721222973,0.04971238822608288,0.12349857665648994,0.0,0.1076179021443768,0.03459854424200028,0.15915279098334004,0.0,0.03148558163810553,0.0,0.15354607246900792,0.051595622739086695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242376552891856,0.0,0.046635325560711836,0.059469116252684286,0.04455246785601556,0.06369664104282846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048549011727302915,0.05005495984864318,0.0,0.060284758509373586,0.0,0.15615104727686538,0.0,0.0786196614739271,0.0,0.0,0.42193037053420135,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Free2Be_EmilyG,2020/03/06,"[VENT] My mother called and asked why I “can’t be more like (abuser).” Wtf. 

On mobile, sorry for formatting, yada yada yada. 

Back story: I have PTSD partly from being sexually assaulted in college, and partly from being in a very physically/sexually/emotionally abusive relationship a few years ago. I got out, and immediately jumped into a relationship with someone who was coercive and controlling. I’ve been single ever since, and have only recently (after getting the go-ahead from my therapist) started dating around again. 

My mom, who knows all of the above, somehow keeps tabs on my abuser. I guess her step-sister’s mom is friends with my abuser’s family, and... something? Idk. I just know that I’ve REPEATEDLY asked that she stops giving me updates on his life. I don’t want to hear it. It’s weird. He literally tried to kill me, I don’t get her obsession with him. But anyway. 

Last night, at about 10:30, I was peacefully sleeping when she calls me. And again. And again. I have my phone on silent, but my Fitbit also vibrates when I get calls. I finally answer, and she switches it to FaceTime. It isn’t an emergency, she just wanted to tell me my abuser is going to be a dad in a few weeks. I tell her “sucks for them. That poor child.” and go to end the call. 

She calls BACK, and asks why I won’t date, what did she do so wrong, why won’t I give her grandchildren.... 

I tell her, as nicely as I can “I’ve told you to stop giving me updates on him. Now fuck off.” Took off my Fitbit, turned off my phone, and failed to fall asleep for the rest of the night. I feel like I can’t breathe, I’m hyper vigilant, and just overall ruined my night. 

When I finally got up this morning, I had a barrage of texts telling me that she’s just worried I won’t give her grand babies, she gave me a great childhood, and she can’t understand why I won’t date. Wanting to know Why can’t I be more like (abuser?) After all, HE was able to “move past the bad breakup, why can’t I?” 


I’m done. I just can’t. I’m so fucking done with this bullshit. I get it, I’m 25, so “my time is running out to marry well,” and yeah. Maybe I am unlovable. I feel like I’m just damaged goods, and can never be loved. I feel like there’s just too much bad to overcome the good, like I’m faking my way through life and don’t deserve the good things that have happened since leaving my abuser. I feel like I need to run away, to leave and never look back, but that I can’t. And while in a deeper way, I don’t want to die... I sometimes feel like my life is pointless, so it wouldn’t really matter if I did. 

I’ve worked so hard in therapy. And I feel like I just keep falling backwards.",2.134180851063832,3.8694430981481496,3.7064066193853438,88.95329787234043,77.27777777777777,6.521670606776991,22.78565799842396,7.378060373470096,0.7904842395587077,2043,61,438,26,47,678,243,540,0.177,0.6970000000000001,0.126,-0.9856,0,1,1,0,6,2,101.0,0,1,1,3,32,33,5,1,17,1,44,9,3,1,5,70,95,36,2,7,12,4,7,9,1,5,3,1,0,1,18,28,0,5,11,0,1,9,19,15,1,0,14,9,79,18,54,70,11,71,0,3,1,3,54,21,3,3,48,280,97,3,0.0540934988335668,0.44864365478372137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795062290100143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04325855147376053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815468244961139,0.15171035797139792,0.0,0.05082262280322961,0.12478368483179628,0.09033162407814506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761775516240652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067045860541191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561405115271764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071286033678156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084790540186856,0.04791078416545588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048930666606214764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099453650217625,0.0,0.16410779002820114,0.23186643825055356,0.0,0.11851356780567653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179250301408813,0.10001713604120986,0.1130464820548352,0.2075656525367153,0.09222774591685746,0.13611318111878049,0.08652702510472901,0.059638273430833985,0.059590087520156626,0.0,0.04783470237199981,0.0,0.04845714990888974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060967304581175774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616157441882472,0.05984644184071888,0.0,0.0891851168751588,0.0440934213124712,0.0,0.11455440956020956,0.0,0.0,0.11462351388288865,0.2378461604572275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542491522438548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882149464849336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434419023873085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670730411536973,0.0,0.05749282856392202,0.039764945720419234,0.04010964396885485,0.08344048211774154,0.0,0.0,0.15228925278358946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041140543409340265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715597572754627,0.05163836544361476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323240540060396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03465368049598322,0.0,0.053410804209823234,0.1161523476408795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949340244383906,0.0,0.05413256451149745,0.0,0.045833246021642536,0.04164381817132301,0.05349985351358123,0.060553243244199736,0.03828765689210912,0.0,0.0,0.09044917434280324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891204089920442,0.0,0.061860630211352914,0.06280672140182941,0.035937317006182176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0315423541782472,0.0,0.0,0.05168865626143853,0.06009986756203777,0.036725934917472565,0.0588381933917033,0.0,0.05631323999544091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044632801667181525,0.12762298850506235,0.08587380305793403,0.04339054189473668,0.0,0.0486365518194253,0.0,0.29286581395065664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03938071140129835,0.054934573826406013,0.0,0.0,0.0591427492347956,0.0,0.034834439723792444
ptsd,Throwaway7432ok,2020/03/06,"Do you guys feel emotion? I never feel any emotion anymore. I either feel anxious or guilty or nothing at all I felt happiness once since I was shot in June, and that made me cry because I totally forgot the feeling. Haven't felt anything since. I do have feelings of anxiety and sadness and guilt daily, but I don't feel anger, happiness, excitement or anything else.

Is this normal? Can anyone relate?",4.023142857142858,6.525080800000001,4.793904761904766,79.77600000000002,74.33333333333334,6.9523809523809526,32.047619047619044,7.957251820313856,2.7061619047619043,320,16,52,5,7,103,53,75,0.125,0.665,0.21100000000000002,0.9026,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,1,1,0,8,0,0,1,3,22,18,7,0,1,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,8,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,8,9,3,3,13,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821601494073303,0.0,0.12173644221900365,0.17977519068388773,0.15781734782809725,0.11126961499493204,0.0,0.2619060856558763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700610559122387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480031885509018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293534699992596,0.3580068030668446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4827750838614497,0.0,0.3055856040941026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756686072216733,0.0,0.3388004446820199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505756565167965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273331371079342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591672293256614,0.15269257189161425,0.0,0.0,0.16947163631350898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26327321123784714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,awsbcjnclljvbm,2020/03/06,Help- Do I have PSTD? So basically my brother did himself off in September 2018 and now every time my girlfriend tells me she is sad or feels sad/ cries I start to think that she will kill herself. Could this be a form of PTSD? I also think that a person might do themselves if they show traits my brother showed. For example my brother didn’t really get along with my dad towards the end and now my sister is not currently getting along with my dad and i think about how she could end off offing herself too. I went to the psychologist for possible ptsd but I just didn’t feel like going and was never diagnosed.,3.6546280991735536,5.516339297520663,4.342223140495868,85.48242561983474,73.3801652892562,7.484628099173554,26.149586776859504,8.238735603445708,1.6553100826446283,489,17,96,8,10,156,82,121,0.06,0.897,0.043,-0.2523,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,8,4,1,0,4,0,14,1,0,1,1,23,24,10,1,3,5,6,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,5,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,2,21,1,15,14,1,14,0,2,0,0,17,4,0,3,9,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461923919067851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919164233778187,0.0,0.20080724070700198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855474146506781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323829249785503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402457303385406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486757367354806,0.1305988760446451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102044619164332,0.0,0.1038946390667985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253310361603728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225121234380586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931130485181107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393159345570746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099366769189164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596218774282557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060898218364172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.427388170736185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711220712404705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939324020035547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597832336440283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35141011903513264,0.0,0.0,0.10659747140368296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946589116272354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,piglingbland1,2020/03/06,"Can anyone help me understand my bf's ""grounding method"" as it's putting me at risk BF (31) has PTSD, I'm not sure exactly what's gone on in his past as he struggles to talk about it but I know enough to understand why he has PTSD.  

He almost always has something in his hand no matter what he's doing, he's a smoker so normally this is a cigarette lighter. He likes the size and shape of it and that it has moveable parts he can manituplate. Sometimes when he's really anxious he breaks them so there are a lot of broken lighters in my house which he won't let me throw away.

This is all fine apart from he especially likes to hold them in bed at night.  From the word go this made me uncomfortable, I don't want lighters in my bed while I'm asleep.  We talked about it and he said he'd hold a pen instead or that he'd only ever hold a broken one...this is mostly the case but I still find lighters in the bed a lot and it pisses me off.  I'm a Volunteer Firefighter and a parent so I'm very aware this is a terrible idea.   

He also has night terrors and sweats.  He's generally not fun to sleep with and often keeps me awake or wakes me up by thrashing around.  I try to comfort him and be understanding as I know he can't help it but it has a significant impact on me.  I also know however that since he met me and started sharing my bed he gets a proper night's sleep for the first time in years and the episodes are improving.   He's on medication which helps.

Last night he fell asleep on the sofa and ignited the lighter during a spasm type thing he frequently has.   I freaked out.  He'd assured me that this couldn't happen and I guess I was naive enough to believe him but of course, especially with the new electronic style button press lighters it's an easy thing to do.

He was very reluctant to discuss it, said he was sorry and would hold a pen instead but he didn't want to talk about it as he doesn't like having attention drawn to it.  It's his grounding technique and he can't change it.  I tried to be calm and understanding and discuss ways in which this could be worked on but he shut me down and got pissed at me.  I kind of lost it at that point and said he was putting me and my child at risk.  I said that unless he can assure me that he will NEVER hold a lighter while asleep in my bed or in my house in general I'm not sure if I can let him sleep here.

He slept on the sofa and we didn't speak this morning as he was still sleeping when I left for work.  I don't know what to do, does anyone else have experience of this?",3.3578809391004505,4.098209377110699,4.351935500228183,89.51895441407639,72.48968105065666,7.78842857867248,25.28720653110897,8.00916892397051,1.1275612697124893,1990,58,456,27,37,647,224,533,0.122,0.7879999999999999,0.09,-0.9385,2,0,4,0,1,0,36.0,2,0,2,4,19,22,2,4,25,0,47,14,13,2,8,83,78,45,0,7,14,1,2,3,2,3,1,5,7,1,38,26,0,6,11,0,0,6,14,9,0,1,17,7,49,13,61,48,7,63,0,1,0,0,63,35,2,10,23,277,87,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767164844494939,0.0,0.0,0.12405980908752764,0.06454154434247576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762807013035122,0.0,0.10847260502477056,0.07947604886078803,0.0,0.06905063285571422,0.0,0.0,0.07287628304106028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739088709538873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205507537971755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193054112018614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787896961659895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479686026419057,0.0,0.0,0.16029386517112254,0.0,0.0,0.07016334286383312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587492392414558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089437864194358,0.06597802795315623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04052529645567991,0.0,0.04408283125999802,0.0,0.062037018402683164,0.0,0.08544824814284327,0.0,0.06859180256681302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597357608596216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900266071036428,0.0,0.08756314062732241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894467196382989,0.0,0.08077357677395693,0.1705140863642085,0.06322705272920648,0.0,0.0,0.0842762326272537,0.15863400952120965,0.0,0.11368522620867748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467300100103073,0.13188853434472322,0.0,0.07339530075859396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814009151199723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598240690512793,0.0749142120881922,0.0,0.2911636348229601,0.07599870415742499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052561069970230516,0.0589928209248497,0.0,0.0,0.08612842236952194,0.08399696410915745,0.07404600408791644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332541718472049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134218264109933,0.15595151935212065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969108812068747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951340281784554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416381295447708,0.0,0.3104900829972634,0.0,0.0,0.0597144836801089,0.07671525498411012,0.08682934981147895,0.05490197016103298,0.0,0.1238894192220862,0.0,0.0,0.08108935058411701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621102251100293,0.0,0.0,0.18703505119127856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306347612238596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452296517591225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053251280775383,0.0,0.0,0.3229978612285329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800097703758534,0.09150146647144193,0.06156867977565871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999170439363958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293867620924727,0.0,0.0,0.055101018344921225,0.0,0.0,0.04995028490986364
ptsd,Pennymoonz94,2020/03/06,"Can anyone chat? I just need to vent and let it out. Just my thoughts and feelings. I just want to be heard and seen I feel so alone and even though my boyfriend and mom and support friends know somehow it still feels like a massive secret that I carry. Such a heavy weight that I do everything to not think about. But when it's quiet I feel it and I'm afraid to let myself delve into the feelings as honestly I am not the most practiced in coping with the trauma. Ed, depression or anxiety? Okay I can manage. The trauma? It's like a whole other level.",1.912159090909089,4.077725053571431,2.9201948051948072,92.26116883116885,79.71428571428572,5.501298701298702,21.788961038961038,6.574015621080383,0.3962392857142856,434,13,90,4,11,138,74,112,0.11599999999999999,0.7340000000000001,0.15,0.4449,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,1,7,1,7,1,0,0,0,30,21,13,0,2,7,1,6,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,8,10,1,0,9,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,9,11,6,10,15,2,6,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,3,4,66,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203112716227532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002501655191547,0.0,0.0,0.13712595445584697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891083562306214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953001706164494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762526714153293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958001799279622,0.1401023336968037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515155167987872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777793543134402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40107527536167054,0.0,0.191620672615405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296838102607747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541444030063916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661516429820854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225453856728628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566054484946534,0.19267888160644905,0.15569089062740052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156718410251224,0.0,0.0,0.2388113814914418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189518595759381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Kveldson,2020/03/06,"Does this subreddit make anyone else with PTSD uncomfortable? I'm not subscribed here. 


I've never even interacted here.


On a whim, I typed in the term *PTSD* in the search bar.



A quick scroll made my eyes blurry, because I empathize with the people here, and now I just want to forget any of you even exist.


I didn't say that right. Fuck.


Okay, let me **try** to say this in a way that some of you might relate to, so you might understand where I'm coming from.

My trauma has made me weaker and stronger at the same time. I am more self resilient than anyone I know. I am also more easily ripped apart than anyone I know.


I am more empathic than I was before. **Your** pain hurts now that I am aware that it exists.


I simultaneously lament the awareness of your pain and welcome it.


I mourn the person I could have been, while celebrating my awakening to another kind of awareness.


I am a conflicted person. 


I was **solid**. I was **unbreakable**


And then I was broken.


Now, I am fractured, but more complete. You know if you know.


I feel your pain because I once felt mine.


Again, I am conflicted.


Would I heal your pain, and be alone?


#Yes



Better that, than this.


At least **then** I would feel worthy of being whole again.


I am alone, and it hurts.


I am not alone, and that hurts far more.


How do we heal from an injury that makes us less than whole, but makes us more than we were before?",-0.40818627450980216,1.5657062205882362,1.1532352941176462,96.2937254901961,106.27941176470587,4.045098039215687,13.78921568627451,6.013340852307183,-0.6666857843137257,1060,23,225,13,51,338,139,272,0.185,0.75,0.065,-0.9842,0,3,0,0,0,0,65.0,4,9,0,1,16,14,1,0,11,2,27,9,1,6,1,44,45,16,1,5,6,0,3,0,0,4,6,2,0,3,13,12,1,2,8,1,0,1,4,10,0,0,10,6,45,4,25,27,13,24,0,4,1,1,20,10,1,4,12,165,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973741444985966,0.0,0.07653772317437542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508478162238424,0.10035827492034316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007639607811694,0.0980642461316132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668552389219936,0.0,0.16288106683848325,0.0,0.0,0.08464602595648547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244404300084295,0.10034810905587707,0.0,0.0,0.07641512020950897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375479253255436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995182629968915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642857859424708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678576971889448,0.0,0.09189477324729473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848058488111114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30737246217037245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966524540703657,0.2103946481211761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786800411896028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112261345809366,0.19165767522343305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030623129026122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381597746907809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019259898518135,0.0,0.0,0.4073606130403268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635193725562191,0.16713722113484208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375526573685284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173418397605277,0.0,0.15222182559871358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998444086543017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580815561582465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497950912061098,0.0,0.0,0.0996354946475174,0.230250090611508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645110985056879,0.07596862519039434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137093240216199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359765590396592,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JumpMasterFresh,2020/03/06,"They stopped and now back with full force Last year was hell for me the dreams, the triggers, the anxiety, the constant reminders. And it's stopped I thought I was in the clear I made it through the day of the incident but now they're back. I managed to keep it under control. My therapist told me to try thought stops which worked now no. I broke down thinking my significant other was taking my little one again. Now I feel it replaying over and over again that fucking day. I'm retreating back into the habits I feel cold and alone, depressed I want to yell at her for the hell she put me through but I know I can't I'll lose my daughter again I think it's want she wants she's instigating it. I don't know what to do my mom is telling me to calm down but it's not easy I want to rip my fucking brain out to stop it. Please help me. What are some of your coping skills I don't have any weed to calm myself down.",1.5413020833333313,3.4442055260416717,2.3981250000000003,96.86770833333335,79.67708333333334,5.7250000000000005,23.166666666666664,6.691623216298621,0.3739354166666669,719,24,168,7,18,225,105,192,0.16899999999999998,0.7070000000000001,0.124,-0.9047,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,4,10,9,4,0,9,0,10,3,1,3,1,33,29,7,0,4,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,6,8,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,7,4,32,2,25,22,2,32,2,3,0,2,11,12,4,1,19,111,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070704312850096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923875260593791,0.0,0.10393035387640114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133973052095961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166151878900105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681332346599796,0.1523753546659288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523325522582914,0.0,0.11701357095860515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738692209126388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511955064666407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106218914207588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120756084131491,0.0,0.0,0.14932708193464928,0.11074171623820064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616456309357294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198940868764524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855132761978438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911426126603356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206032615103564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913036214969827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365739676098417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543306688799506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021476750502046,0.0,0.11874514408301215,0.0,0.0,0.15774063142081246,0.0,0.17410356212141426,0.0,0.21571081583768312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981733632947054,0.0,0.09223809226305264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205282864838929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890562894532257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748755538545276
ptsd,thefabulousbomb,2020/03/06,"I just found a very old story I wrote as a teen, and I’ve realised all the symptoms I had then. I want to go back and cuddle myself. This story is probably 10 years old by now, but it’s from years ago when I used to write on Wattpad. It was a joint story I did with multiple people and it was a really cool thing at the time, but now it’s just cringy. 

Anyway, I found it and thought I would read it for a bit to relive the memories, and I realised something about my writing and one of the characters, is that she was basically a reflection of me at the time. There are certain things for this character, like how she’s depressed a lot a d did things like dig her nails into her skin when she was scared. These were all things I used to do, I sometimes still do them without realising, but looking at it now as an adult who’s had a diagnosis, I’m just seeing all the trauma that this child dealth with. I just want to hug her, and tell her it’s okay.

I don’t remember a lot of my childhood at all, so I don’t even recognise my inner child sometimes, but reading things like that, and all of the poetry I used to write and I just want to hold that girl and help her be okay.",4.157311827956988,4.0323206451612945,5.179774193548386,87.37382795698927,70.37096774193549,8.548817204301077,27.017204301075267,8.238735603445708,1.4164701075268828,912,26,210,12,15,301,123,248,0.05,0.8170000000000001,0.134,0.9454,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,18,11,0,1,18,3,18,4,1,4,6,49,32,21,0,4,10,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,22,13,0,1,5,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,13,4,30,8,27,17,8,24,0,1,2,2,20,7,0,2,19,155,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208891912566812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723105082625848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804895466101866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890986242810016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351800692037492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27728839172241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186356664271405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475572884937907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532897267315146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618484893071403,0.0,0.0,0.215003896219626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26537274918085146,0.0,0.08568474044555249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876634320580343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633281303794206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529653322198279,0.0,0.08100611327908074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324144121204488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659695492160614,0.0,0.10076304121363494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734619249319422,0.25012149544333273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098189340520518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142835305722092,0.0,0.0,0.11052151643727552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200336487615601,0.0,0.0,0.10038594277857836,0.14746621305913804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276325780287534,0.0,0.1043332118282078,0.2237477112652052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189179093576627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982534902436833,0.0,0.0,0.16285730865475728
ptsd,puppyluvr1998,2020/03/06,"I accidentally traumatized the ones I love. I’ve become the poison. I blacked out and attempted suicide sort of. I don’t remember but all of the people I love most saw me bash my head into the tile floor. I had been having a lot of flashbacks and stuff around that time. But the day of, I was happy. Surrounded by my loved ones going to our favorite band’s show. In the weeks preceding it when I was in extreme panic from trauma related shit, symptoms and stuff, I would just imagine myself hitting my head so hard I’d be unconscious and the pain would stop that way. Just to go to sleep essentially, have it stop.

I can’t fucking believe I did it. I didn’t mean to and I never actually wanted to. I’ve seen so much blood in my life I just wanted to stop thinking, that’s why I’d imagine myself just hitting my head. It was an intrusive thought anyway but here I am.

I don’t remember it at all. My last thoughts before waking up in the hospital were that I was having a good time. I was so happy I had my best friends, siblings and boyfriend around. They’d all been so good to me. All of my loved ones in what was a great night before I did that. I feel like someone possessed my body and turned me into a demon.

I traumatized them. My best friend of 7 years had to hold my head back so that I wouldn’t keep bashing it against the floor. I was the one who traumatized the ones I love now. They say they don’t blame me but I see my boyfriend is suffering. He’s scared to talk to to me because he’s scared he’ll set off my symptoms. I don’t even see them as symptoms anymore; it’s all just space between me and the real world, the present, an actual life. 

I’m trying to forgive myself and they do seem mostly normal again. But it happened. I did it. 

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t have questions and there are no answers anyway. I’d always feared being bad. Now I’m the poison.",1.1959351145038184,3.300795435114509,2.894167302798984,91.81224332061069,81.92620865139949,5.66027989821883,22.547646310432572,6.853354925485097,0.6006153180661573,1478,50,319,17,40,488,180,393,0.168,0.657,0.175,0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,1,0,6,3,22,28,4,4,20,0,38,23,9,0,6,62,68,22,1,6,10,0,2,1,2,4,8,1,0,0,20,15,0,5,14,2,0,2,11,12,0,5,21,8,59,16,36,38,11,40,1,1,5,6,24,18,2,6,19,225,79,0,0.0,0.0,0.15660236674558375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676484435221766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957501289324237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285852010516192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169843942311235,0.06699578046227858,0.04891263355631275,0.08861709876422398,0.1365540757719411,0.09040129166673798,0.16841067195977835,0.0,0.0,0.08912686444027162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051747182582991255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299676026255819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029059927735757,0.04057098712689961,0.057322387193238726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398410348423615,0.07417918317162114,0.0,0.0,0.09120275622973864,0.13460046273299822,0.0,0.0884632090853368,0.0,0.0,0.0709546241706129,0.1708307111026492,0.07187791895151241,0.0,0.3293913231550614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131964906440037,0.0,0.0,0.0440969709973099,0.06540507168398818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334962478950028,0.039200469043078036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821588758895343,0.3620918112223025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740322903567271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589845162370812,0.0,0.06188486345369919,0.0,0.0,0.07529837935403819,0.07861667559605345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27185835815513515,0.0,0.08537940151566845,0.09414256965622858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055627260082990564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988546268345406,0.0,0.0,0.09132895834988614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178911589246974,0.0,0.0,0.06380886100028536,0.16066543533173022,0.0,0.12787936243776704,0.07304609998197653,0.0,0.0,0.08236364816907367,0.0,0.0,0.08029642873984046,0.0,0.06798580496423243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124889004616825,0.0,0.0,0.18370772878501826,0.08776787549360715,0.0,0.0,0.2501955150336743,0.0,0.06449265202442457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141357903689742,0.0,0.1274007831206832,0.09357540760968366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447666192460751,0.0872764267773495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946534705545464,0.06368957179551282,0.06436246992314176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480549845512178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113998230160919,0.0,0.0,0.05167095134352416
ptsd,AP9091930,2020/03/06,"Average Ages Ok so I’m obviously suffering and feeling same as most of you, yet as a 45 yr old man I kind of feel I more so as if I ought to be some group leader or whatever. Am I not alone in this? Or am I the group geezer now? 🤣",-1.753333333333334,-0.14209299999999914,2.123703703703704,95.86666666666667,90.11111111111113,6.562962962962962,18.259259259259263,7.793537801064563,0.35739259259259226,174,5,48,4,6,65,42,54,0.066,0.821,0.113,0.1119,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,12,7,9,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,2,7,5,4,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,5,4,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5005759442275171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887643626164474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5033056025473995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5071652515120361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway01837363819,2020/03/06,"Want to work with therapist I ended things badly with again I had an EMDR therapist I worked with for a year a few years back.  

I ended things with her because I told her via email that I wanted to try taking a break from our sessions and try Neurofeedback.  She told me via email that she didn’t think Neurofeedback would be helpful and I perceived it as her being possessive.  We ended things there without an in person final session (only because I didn’t wanna spend money for a last session I didn’t feel I needed) 

But I never found another EMDR therapist successfully after her.  I did see another one for a while but I did not really like this new therapist.  I’d like to have EMDR sessions again and feel most comfortable with her and do not want to keep try to create new therapeutic relationships.  

How to approach?",6.1599999999999975,6.957598280254778,6.992872611464971,72.8905828025478,66.19745222929936,9.846878980891722,30.349681528662423,9.888512548439397,3.0011864968152864,658,23,114,14,10,219,87,157,0.073,0.8420000000000001,0.085,0.4359,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,7,0,11,0,0,1,1,30,24,9,0,6,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,1,5,0,2,1,7,1,0,1,9,3,23,4,20,12,2,18,0,0,1,0,16,1,0,1,17,86,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470639441282992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058708908913754,0.09836476886738384,0.1436293408708239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130287931021746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913454082995713,0.0,0.0,0.12905291833089974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917040405757904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896422690949678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047131736881937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602925310456722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511008754010905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087353147883987,0.09086080120284784,0.2275594234814976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982975757600969,0.08959830147717689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286541168875596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547082889692586,0.0,0.0,0.12648171607337874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387773261468137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857696335805468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5471367262180178,0.2347992245530057,0.0754866169736891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251412073283941,0.0,0.2399517203280169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084586526796845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356271922292957,0.0,0.17153127110703908,0.0,0.0,0.08368743138519925,0.0,0.0,0.15172899400508685
ptsd,modacation,2020/03/06,"Need another perspective from someone who kind of understands Many aspects of my life got put on hold after my experience and unfortunately things like my social circle completely atrophied away. I didn't have the energy to keep up my life not sleeping and anxiety. I did manage to keep my head down and keep working... but that's really about it. 

Fast forward a decade, I am underpaid compared to my coworkers, overworked, and have put up with a lot of things that would have made other people leave. I just kept my head down and kept plugging along. It became routine and I was able to deal with it.

I recently got a good review for last year, but they shorted me half of my bonus because of an HR mistake. Nothing about my performance, disciplinary issues, or anything. Simply someone just put the wrong number down. I am trying to advocate for myself and some people have tried to address it... but the people who could fix are just like it is what it is.

There is some debt that I was going to pay off and then I was going to be able budget for a trip at the end of this year to see family. I kind of have to have some self respect and move on now. I don't really know how to keep it together to interview and put on a good face. Especially now that this new stress has entered my life.

Things like this used to not be so overwhelming and I really just want to give up.",4.240055762081788,5.649951323420076,5.227990706319705,81.53640985130113,71.0817843866171,8.800074349442381,26.832899628252783,9.255337874911486,2.211274944237918,1082,36,210,23,20,355,144,269,0.07200000000000001,0.823,0.105,0.8812,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,3,11,13,0,2,10,0,23,7,4,3,0,45,41,18,0,5,10,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,21,14,0,7,2,0,5,10,4,4,0,1,10,1,25,9,43,27,4,34,0,1,1,0,8,14,0,5,15,154,46,6,0.1972477302480259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341572175573904,0.07544698687448023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115903769915153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266036778312424,0.0,0.0,0.060120192785977515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340524618497153,0.0,0.0,0.07874313120458039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167687438347203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735147138582773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647306452727138,0.09297380273969914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460899813091707,0.11210043067568046,0.1654420377768688,0.15775702880242382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024330772060288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293769190488614,0.0,0.3506456912604025,0.0,0.20540315775480247,0.05420109703526221,0.08039161322800123,0.0,0.10442843300437787,0.0,0.0,0.20898285777387265,0.14454791644722814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838464833056438,0.0,0.09332028580563828,0.0,0.09998911960802327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482156067094188,0.0,0.0731283463309982,0.0,0.0952515435009742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463225848684192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051201105228659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965768981758507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954292022051847,0.0,0.09737916873822113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859045162897595,0.0,0.10288620039010392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869509009992114,0.10053461049773266,0.16712736174607404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297330428429915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965639410518552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391826115734584,0.0,0.0,0.10267092175151002,0.0,0.08517935400888894,0.0,0.0,0.058170910906378076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179934841484598,0.0,0.0,0.07005956412717168,0.10782971427938584,0.0,0.12702107125886333
ptsd,humblyeden,2020/03/06,"Is feeling phantom pain during flashbacks normal? As I've started working through my sexual trauma in therapy I've noticed that triggers and flashbacks now involve feelings of the pain I experienced during my rape.  Also sometimes while talking about it in therapy I'll start to feel pain like I'm experiencing the trauma again.  Is this normal?  I know the pain isn't real but it feels so convincingly real at the time. My flashbacks before that were physical feeling but not the pain and mostly emotional (fear, confusion etc...).",5.514086021505379,8.522318688172044,6.2034408602150535,68.99182795698924,71.79569892473118,8.004301075268819,35.064516129032256,8.841846274778883,3.8584322580645174,430,23,59,9,9,140,62,93,0.21600000000000005,0.679,0.106,-0.8924,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,1,2,5,0,4,6,0,1,0,18,13,8,0,2,3,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,1,7,5,2,8,12,2,9,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,7,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287703918305688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946707845714206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470785856137666,0.0,0.0,0.14347273332692226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447609389783998,0.3252328724571535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069970715406093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284925288443323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25208878598059986,0.0,0.14646272838547106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6844346162137739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29285143464462793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723279764795226,0.0,0.1821106183227698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339965554535996,0.0,0.0,0.2942326204335436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501370009325706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936548000768236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,knifeboy69,2020/03/06,"How to help little brother with PTSD? (tw trauma, suicide, weapons) When my brother was younger he underwent some trauma and now that he's older he's decided that the only way to cope is to become a knife toting gunslinger so he can protect himself. He talks about guns and explosives all the time, and owns a huge collection of knives and swords. I've tried to be ok with it and humor him but I know that when he's old enough he'll buy a gun and probably end up killing himself with it on a bad day. Does anyone else know someone like this, or a better coping mechanism for him? I know he'll probably never change but he's just a kid and I want him to have a happy life. I just don't know what to do to help him. Is this even a problem?",2.170869130869132,3.7701001428571455,3.5884415584415583,90.43453046953049,76.79220779220779,6.556643356643357,24.183816183816184,7.321109707123232,0.9311964035964038,578,19,125,7,13,190,96,154,0.14400000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.157,-0.4326,0,0,0,3,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,2,0,10,1,8,1,0,1,2,26,15,14,2,2,5,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,5,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,11,5,15,11,4,14,0,0,0,0,21,4,0,2,10,75,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202712629088461,0.17624145313573564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436186234204192,0.0,0.1899681688639339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212617447458254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196055200749645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093025675906178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052444622078098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436897401832027,0.0,0.15234710853605385,0.17772916577663786,0.0,0.1136089721193124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831046029854652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305852735442141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903002117251587,0.0,0.3781220983139154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149359978465267,0.08403391023366769,0.17239615763559812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326623682634028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049236550661507,0.0,0.0,0.13081904087334945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370905181445282,0.16458742672573354,0.20106692671307289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145740935529361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814769186880065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825267562477403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029863921410843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678143220612018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145415912173104,0.13653111530893586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dontbotherthislady,2020/03/06,"Embarrassed In class yesterday and PTSD came up in relation to places that make/made their imprint on you. It’s a small class: three other students, myself, & my professor. My heart started racing and I was suddenly sweating & shaking. I was then asked a question by the professor; didn’t even hear what it was. I made the excuse that I needed to take blood pressure meds, but my voice cracked so I know they could tell I was emotional. I actually took anxiety meds to calm down, and I’m pretty sure they knew it wasn’t blood pressure meds. I couldn’t talk the rest of class. I have to go back tomorrow, and I’m embarrassed it came out like that; I’m usually better able to hide it, but his question and focus on me threw me off. Even worse, a little mad at myself that I’m even trying to hide it. I shouldn’t feel like I’m disrupting things when I’m just having an emotional response. So conflicting feelings of embarrassment and anger with myself. Also angry that something so “small” can cause such stress.",4.44797619047619,6.084251382653061,4.978448979591839,82.64274149659867,70.88775510204081,8.491972789115646,27.862585034013605,9.029198982220553,2.255767074829931,805,29,153,16,15,257,115,196,0.21,0.6729999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.9659,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,3,1,11,14,2,7,7,0,12,4,4,2,1,27,33,14,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,14,10,0,1,6,0,0,6,4,9,0,1,12,4,23,5,19,18,1,27,0,0,0,0,12,13,0,2,10,97,37,6,0.12500937614335655,0.0,0.12199111829661352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999699529371986,0.0,0.2708952136459223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563183058395854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686689166869725,0.0,0.0,0.09612449388595967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110560634419601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859548468604098,0.0,0.12841906471671066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980981474495404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812374447184933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24770254185354396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641699337912635,0.08930672329486834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104570930447325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089465231828202,0.14813671262655642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870188385076714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221465334323046,0.1252922360371185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828689430710775,0.08344472928940486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41657170664616505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269286842224532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060819118038974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717947721976028,0.0,0.0,0.14612927101450898,0.0,0.28007822204059524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623832516069476,0.0,0.0,0.08848227985399568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319781800962114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178198575899158,0.0,0.0939914932509867,0.10047780127302293,0.10926370476058647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305067477759688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388900165867363,0.08487316057037594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376801666302743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739523413986728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BestDay19,2020/03/07,"PTSD from chronic illness & surgeries? A while ago a therapist I only saw three times mentioned to me that my issues with touching and sexuality might have something to do with my long history of being chronically ill, having surgeries and other very unpleasant treatments in the hospital. Before this it is never thought of it that way, but now I keep thinking can these kind of experiences lead to PTSD?

Some background, I’ll try to keep this short. I am 34F, I was diagnosed with this illness when I was 11 years old and that’s also when I had my first surgery which was very invasive. Over the years I’ve had a total of 5 major surgeries and on top of that a couple of smaller surgeries & countless awful examinations and treatments. In the recent years I’ve even tried to argue with the doctors about some of these treatments but it doesn’t help, they say there is no choice. So, of course I know all of these things are done to keep me alive and make me well again, but that is not how I feel. I feel I have no control, they can do whatever to my body and I have no say in it. Every time I enter the ER I lose all control of myself, everything else stops and I’m helpless.

Some of the issues I have, I don’t like being touched. Hugging friends is ok but I hate if, for example, any stranger touches me on public transport (sitting next to me or something). After the “honeymoon phase” it has also become an issue in my marriage (which is why we were seeing the therapist). Touching and being physically close is very important to my husband but lately (past year even) it is just a source of so much anxiety for me. I think if I could understand some of the root causes behind this, it would be easier to try and do something about it..",5.372772727272729,6.0981214911764745,5.916096256684494,80.17334224598932,67.91176470588235,8.53475935828877,31.33689839572193,8.575989854853784,2.3969705882352943,1377,54,261,20,22,446,182,340,0.11800000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.8513,0,0,3,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,2,6,16,10,2,0,15,2,36,9,1,7,4,56,51,26,0,4,10,1,6,1,1,2,7,2,0,0,24,16,0,6,8,0,0,3,7,4,2,2,9,10,34,6,41,35,9,37,0,2,2,1,12,10,0,8,23,198,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603561843500004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523369681062232,0.0,0.21032352335394752,0.0,0.06600242885678971,0.0,0.07424872253186347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719238432553634,0.08258878464476269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780900345463072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970478914529822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771648045651013,0.07749251682941101,0.10739227868474112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851132037104786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934246485151137,0.0,0.09932352106716696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107908785701062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821112794917838,0.0,0.0817751305655091,0.0,0.0872290235068093,0.09494085975628012,0.0,0.0,0.09815037741517048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255706068527796,0.0,0.0,0.07498638443523915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582418826411447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505559697020623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30390844383348986,0.0,0.2588074989730972,0.0,0.10107045157865344,0.05334026422273232,0.0,0.1094850885444739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047417392376913566,0.0,0.0,0.08589283407671236,0.0,0.10858251716194142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478663551583999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296267058719262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134843074205459,0.0,0.07485672810065339,0.0,0.10322175330247292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184552036750948,0.0,0.0,0.07381660301436109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265236689597094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22691004932325834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583257303643652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436804064000012,0.0,0.0,0.0773422621417825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241588179841752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811444167011613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253824785065845,0.06448069089540348,0.12438105513558916,0.0,0.07705281428802464,0.1131900185832468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19768701627204446,0.0,0.0,0.10104028135545144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24024780878346835,0.0,0.07703972656109595,0.0,0.0,0.08726634944804419,0.0,0.08757929823538044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689468639249419,0.0,0.0,0.25000739370254343
ptsd,Forgetful________,2020/03/07,"Looking for direction to find help with my partner who has PTSD Trigger warning.

She was abused sexually and physically by her biological dad from age 3-9. Mostly molestation. Some force feeding and lots of violent outburst. Unpredictable home. For context, at the age of 7 she stole different knives in the house and hid them in her room so she could kill either herself or her dad if she felt like she needed to.

She Has a lot of anxiety. Some substance abuse issues. Chronic stoner. Is prone to fits of rage and outbursts at the drop of a hat. Which is the hardest for me. I love her very deeply. We are married,28m 28f. She has 2 kids.

All in all she has done really well but most of her progress has been made alone. I’ve been trying to convince her to try therapy. I’m wondering on advice and also if there’s things I should do or should not do in fights or in general . I am no expert. Thanks.",1.597675544794189,4.175025248587573,3.0304761904761897,88.34779661016952,84.6497175141243,6.309281678773205,23.682808716707026,7.62386473244151,1.3290029055690074,707,27,141,13,21,230,122,177,0.133,0.7559999999999999,0.111,-0.0779,1,1,0,0,3,0,22.0,1,0,1,1,4,10,5,0,6,0,18,3,0,2,2,33,26,13,1,6,8,2,1,1,1,2,1,0,2,2,3,7,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,6,2,22,5,25,17,9,13,0,0,1,1,25,10,0,12,3,100,25,1,0.0,0.4095463575573264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688857356511922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899791292026782,0.0,0.13821066452480776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221311470493452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379892699425794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056870454630272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686327300938878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594219360208678,0.0,0.15796186138354198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584311232733605,0.0,0.17336079549917194,0.0,0.0,0.19942056069934247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803877587573398,0.0,0.0,0.19120881801297104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443513805435998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513217630399775,0.0,0.0,0.2938647432888839,0.15598421557308867,0.16353423990337626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814993470485167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020269396958564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071818279642114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591170041183367,0.19764413088636504,0.0,0.11481938935648167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346780323107969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260138094931107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539332497611386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874248314613664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,feet4tarinto,2020/03/07,"Nightmare help Ive endured a lot of shitty and traumatic things during my childhood and been officially diagnosed with Major depressive disorder and general anxiety in my first year of university (currently in my third & taking antidepressants). Growing up i had night terrors constantly up until high school before the nightmares died down. However, In the past few months i noticed that these physically and mentally stressful night terrors have returned, viscously. Does anyone have any advice to help with them? i have nightmares even when i doze off from a short nap and im beginning to want to avoid sleeping and im constantly exhausted.",7.570601427115188,10.400254357798168,7.42874617737003,63.373414882772686,65.05504587155963,11.449949031600408,39.634046890927614,11.20814326018867,5.785115392456678,531,30,71,18,9,169,79,109,0.262,0.672,0.066,-0.9769,2,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,0,4,4,0,6,3,1,0,0,12,9,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,6,0,2,2,0,9,0,16,7,3,24,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,1,14,49,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299580980758285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072859547865947,0.0,0.11343026281842535,0.0,0.12760215429337546,0.0,0.0,0.11663099661813005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141935194058333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605048122035743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366528332652112,0.16929929934129334,0.1731128943860156,0.0,0.1911681660165921,0.0,0.14596850281207574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017035426890974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188067398802162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360611844001674,0.17623420160730272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36034697106660096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180807402585086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809597291456765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313880598476693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130624999796435,0.0,0.0,0.18990381463266728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923023606544187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881131314466527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692126003495206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910697511127996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541344185132616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081503880484636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838343261091284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741424545057406
ptsd,zhayona,2020/03/07,"I probably need therapy again. So 4 years ago i got diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety, i was 14 at the time. So i went into therapy for my anxiety and EMDR therapy for my PTSD. In a therapy session i could hardly talk, 1 because my therapist was a man and i have been afraid of men since the trauma (im doing a little better now) and 2 he was the same therapist that my brother had so i felt like I couldn’t trust him at all.

My EMDR therapist hardly asked about the trauma and it took me 3 sessions to just give up and i lied my way through it because my PTSD just became worse and worse. After that i just completely gave up on therapy since nothing was helping and lied my way through that one too (i know that this was bad of me to do but i didn’t see another way out because my mom was forcing me to go to therapy but it made my mental illnesses worse) Everyone believed that i was “magically cured” and i was let go. 

At first i felt really good that I wouldn’t have to go anymore and that lasted for about a year until it slowly started again. It slowly started with a couple of flashbacks a week until about a year ago where it went up to 3 nightmares a night and endless flashbacks, the constant anxiety and feeling of being followed started again too. I started isolating myself from all my friends and have now lost a lot of them. Right now im kinda crawling up again but im still mot that much better. 

I should really get into therapy again but not at those therapists but thats hard to do since they’re the only one on my island i live on. And I honestly don’t know how to tell this to my mom because shes been thinking that im doing perfectly fine after i quit therapy. My brother and mom also suffer from depression and i feel like if i would come out with this problem i would only draw attention from them. My family has never been understanding about my mental state, i never even heard the word ptsd come out of my moms mouth, no one ever asks me how im doing. 

I really don’t know what to do anymore. 


(Sorry for the bad grammar/English)",3.5273246593271215,4.72968069928401,5.226875048117638,81.66219108476405,72.55608591885442,8.461344214335206,28.074601585957346,8.933256019334266,2.253560258680422,1619,61,320,32,31,552,183,419,0.11900000000000001,0.797,0.083,-0.8813,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,6,27,19,0,1,17,0,34,3,1,3,6,67,67,30,0,9,10,6,7,2,1,4,2,1,0,2,21,26,0,0,10,0,0,9,9,9,0,4,23,9,52,10,53,36,5,64,0,3,1,0,22,20,0,3,33,234,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911368914594844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04470760090568884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862178173891985,0.1283026426444532,0.0,0.11088644951556867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452817468254176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335749952002144,0.13631787352122884,0.0,0.0,0.06298634395444262,0.0,0.09888772724773473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631526046667546,0.05861584360289278,0.06041397491536736,0.0,0.04463598544345965,0.061858362384388965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048151317426500286,0.05674289650157827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03692504950785818,0.050569717203935695,0.0,0.0534200923692381,0.0,0.0,0.05270272139585555,0.0,0.056534991981456326,0.03993889389714904,0.10735607690599036,0.0,0.0,0.04755318203323982,0.0,0.0,0.04319244361977763,0.0,0.029208311601495313,0.0536296410720618,0.09531713652925268,0.046890873381442696,0.044712728167576536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024101677106735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03747227213912874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019376182217631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217258729526287,0.0455704367216295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716715219785465,0.0,0.05462519795458333,0.05603198882015825,0.04936557273506572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102744739144776,0.047528849196922685,0.0,0.052899127264546285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126791715090928,0.0,0.0,0.26190334124626424,0.0,0.0,0.04109696840827519,0.04145321315524267,0.08623552215244723,0.0,0.0,0.05246351610427922,0.0,0.0536428263352408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364902251689656,0.08503729011377638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027557477240843,0.05349400462699543,0.2614021088220384,0.0,0.0,0.05946237115635208,0.0,0.0,0.10744346711198301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04774298379935228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04454943816993952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387367994480216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258162005606889,0.1582807769219607,0.0,0.044646197279820325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493471595427664,0.04886386321480048,0.0,0.51146240880324,0.2596423355813007,0.0,0.03582198122881969,0.0,0.0,0.03259894134648364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211305746282681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819958768035896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312552956251664,0.044844012663903976,0.0,0.0,0.10364990038689298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709174142191481,0.07942731351210627,0.0,0.0,0.10800390969327127
ptsd,anonynell,2020/03/07,"I’ve randomly developed a new fear that’s become cyclic thoughts As the title states, I’ve recently developed a new fear that has becoming so overwhelming for me that it’s now turned in to an everyday cyclic thought.

Basically, I fear my husband will get hurt. Which is normal — nobody wants someone they love to be hurt. However, mine is a bit extreme.

If he’s cooking all I can think about is him cutting his finger with a knife or the lid of a can, burning himself on the stove or oven, dropping hot food and scalding himself. If he’s walking up the road for something I worry a car will jump a curb and hit him, that he’ll end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and someone will hurt him, that he’ll cross the street at the exact moment a drunk driver plows through. If he’s driving, I can’t concentrate on anything until I get the “I’m safe” message from him when he’s arrived. When he’s at work I worry that he might catch an illness from someone and become deathly ill, that a mad man will walk into the building and mass murder people, that the building will catch fire and he won’t make it out. I don’t like him standing to close to heavy things hanging on walls for fear they will fall on his head and give him brain damage. Or squishing the trash down in the bag to fit more because what if something sharp is in there and cuts him? There is danger everywhere!

It’s honestly out of control, these fears circle my mind over and over and over again. I visualise these things and try very hard to focus on other things but my mind wanders back. I have no idea where this has come from. This isn’t something I’ve ever dealt with outside of fear for myself and my own safety. But my fear for him is 10 times worse than fear for myself. I’ve not expressed this to him yet, I hold most of it in. However, I’m sure he’s noticed some of it but he seems not to mind much.

Any ideas on why something like this would come on so suddenly? What can I do to help eliminate or lessen this?",5.254388888888889,5.224854022222225,5.44260802469136,86.09798611111111,68.03703703703704,8.330246913580247,29.96141975308641,7.793537801064563,1.7357345679012348,1569,53,331,16,24,496,206,405,0.159,0.785,0.055999999999999994,-0.9869,2,0,4,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,2,2,13,26,5,9,24,0,26,9,3,2,4,58,44,29,2,7,13,1,5,2,0,11,2,0,2,1,27,20,3,4,6,2,0,12,7,20,0,0,2,5,35,6,54,29,7,64,0,5,0,1,33,32,0,13,19,210,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992150801055896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041040579920012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644797427325472,0.0,0.04475022555577953,0.2432276614117828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801450130892795,0.0,0.0,0.08195015115192636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264729127299998,0.0,0.0,0.0823358716595344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501971909938302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640380143006523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6608557976869398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876800244079176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670768321173115,0.07042183016672482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576119198033012,0.0,0.07534012654591182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0492053635227055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357616703931005,0.16574254205914665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172910980352196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625564418012206,0.0,0.04900193220008238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787670656272097,0.22237036882414934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396500278131632,0.0,0.0,0.14180021249695451,0.0,0.0,0.071926488303243,0.0,0.08357809078337466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05089344520568268,0.0,0.07669811842519192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248379560230075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682996216918259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660087704567985,0.2260592813822037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691883204920107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463115850196529,0.047038343496311634,0.0,0.11655912524255635,0.08561224968977169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984076160702863,0.07984930477097152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057116946774992,0.04329928536843845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624135981272934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344355843569036,0.14910340631045488,0.07481134733249152,0.052148556944777234,0.16052523493381946,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sarca5ticRock,2020/03/07,"Nudity I hope I'm in the right place. I'm looking for help or advise. For as long as I can remember, I couldn't handle watching shows or films with nudity or sexual content. It seems to have gotten worse over the years. In the beginning I would advert my eyes, turn my head, cover my ears, whatever was needed. Now I can't be in the same room without having an anxiety attack. My last therapist thought it was ptsd but never really talked about it more than that and for financial reasons I am not seeing one right now. My husband tries to understand, but I know how frustrated he must get when we can't watch the majority of Netflix (etc.) shows together. I know that I was molested when I was young and that my brain locked it away until I was a teenager and could process it (again, therapy). But I don't know if that was the only thing that happened. I don't know if the two are related. I don't know what to think, really. But I need help. I can't avoid television forever when nudity is becoming such a common occurrence. I'm 29 and I can't imagine myself turning down any more film suggestions than I already have because there's a sex scene in it. But as I am now, I can't handle it. Help?",2.8955785123966926,4.568760004132233,4.683545454545456,83.0353181818182,74.99173553719008,8.806942148760331,25.736363636363635,9.3871,2.2684092561983475,939,33,190,24,20,319,136,242,0.069,0.8809999999999999,0.049,-0.7576,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,0,0,11,5,3,1,11,0,27,5,4,2,2,41,50,22,0,9,12,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,14,6,0,1,12,5,0,0,12,4,0,2,8,6,28,1,23,37,5,26,0,0,5,1,9,11,0,7,15,135,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804980407288135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912339600702594,0.0,0.1026326622227472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262730401289476,0.12604850931876838,0.0,0.0,0.0817831923392127,0.14817008829495293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976784788562833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711650023514396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962478122670228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009349262587337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186379725234168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768770958449753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697755145892385,0.0,0.0,0.13325196859786678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686563979935438,0.1093589767832332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872810637740736,0.11266130187994478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895710031161185,0.10347309729076314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091084563429523,0.102035351252708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016950514371365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682682242207455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189371693150746,0.13793967028525478,0.0,0.0,0.15197805913571058,0.2291452192468236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106908805906179,0.12213497434313347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783338743981218,0.0,0.0,0.15342459309607098,0.1557710557078275,0.08913048929181654,0.08596483806951387,0.0,0.10650870738875223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108639212912377,0.2918568998986143,0.13105562953930114,0.1396661479636251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932624563285836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672134010637665,0.09530399925048624,0.0,0.0,0.08639517124369081
ptsd,tootoestoo,2020/03/07,"How do I stop thinking about my abusive ex? I know, I feel gross for even saying that. But there are so many times that I think about the kind things he'd do for me before hurting me. I think back to when he hugged me and gave me attention and for some reason it's so hard to get over. I can't fathom why he would hurt me after being so kind. It's rooted deeply in my head. There are days I still miss him and I feel sick about that because I shouldn't. I don't know what to do.",0.8994549266247382,2.211076660377362,2.2505031446540897,99.90508385744236,79.56603773584905,5.08846960167715,16.49475890985325,5.033348758259628,-1.0112272536687632,370,5,94,1,9,119,65,106,0.20199999999999999,0.713,0.086,-0.8972,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,0,1,0,11,3,1,3,0,19,21,9,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,9,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,4,19,3,12,16,1,9,0,3,0,1,7,2,0,1,7,64,26,0,0.0,0.22771166257248346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477809097294001,0.0,0.11715618015299308,0.0,0.16353805488048853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394552908550785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269385339003878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435231886876655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041043415826592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216293234365831,0.0,0.1972406022257956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41148301692641626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002689984641577,0.2112432843107621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484873163728464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976015413430528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283581911614147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348179359168596,0.16067799191861906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768134089563718,0.3694394325152531,0.0,0.0,0.1120665205972636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734200126907979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365250265504391,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jisoo-n,2020/03/07,"Triggered for the 2nd time at work, but not because of a customer Long story short, my manager was all up in my personal space because he thinks I need help doing my one-person job. 

He's a higher-up general manager and I don't know how to tell him that I feel like crying when he is right next to me and being aggressive with the job at the same time. I can't just tell him ""You're making me nervous, could you back up a little bit?""",11.207463768115943,4.836454673913046,11.12,69.95833333333334,62.04347826086956,14.44057971014493,41.53623188405797,10.504223727775694,4.08366231884058,338,10,74,5,3,115,67,92,0.09699999999999999,0.8270000000000001,0.076,-0.2263,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,1,6,0,7,0,0,3,1,17,12,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,12,1,10,9,3,15,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,7,46,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593130684027162,0.0,0.247235130831464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22139176451657386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190956352009836,0.0,0.22275288466703308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253560870661917,0.14487165039862324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359243929729722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024712171038255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144687579783888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990718796746257,0.20324665766652544,0.0,0.17946082852720827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536243636784567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036458995562238,0.0,0.0,0.2156671341540384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741426674302884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541329837303193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317967983236074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35449096447240563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129938239014127,0.0,0.0,0.2364944029884673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763193925667722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,whuNose,2020/03/07,"PTSD from forced sex work A bit of background here - I (29 F) was heavily involved in the drug scene back in my early twenties. Prior to that, in high school, I was very promiscuous (possibly as a result of taking medication meant for depression while actually being bipolar, perhaps sending me into a mania).

In my drug phase, there were lots of times I’d have sex for drugs. Sometimes I wouldn’t expect it - thinking that I could just pay the guy for my drugs like a normal transaction, but they ended up not wanting the money and I’d give in. 

the climax of it all happened when I was desperately looking for a fix and this guy happened to see me sitting on the street, pulled up in his car and after talking to him, said he could help. I got in the car (I know, stupid as hell) and he ended up getting me a handful of pills. I didn’t know what they were, but I downed all of them. I passed out and then when I woke up, we were hundreds of miles away from where we originally met and he proceeds to explain to me that I’m “going to be working for him now”. He was a pimp. 

I spent the next few weeks in that situation - he took my cell phone, kept me drugged up, woke me up at 8am everyday to start working until the late hours of night. He’d yell at me if I had any bruises from someone being too rough with me. 

I had tried to kill my self then, but it didn’t work and woke up to him screaming at me about it.

The only way I was able to contact anyone was when I had developed an infection in my arm from IV drug use and he finally (after days of this) agreed to take me to the ER. I called my family from there and thankfully he agreed to just drop me off at the airport where they would pick me up.

I’ve talked about this many times in counseling, but it’s always been like I was talking about the weather. No emotion behind it, just nonchalantly telling the story.  

It wasn’t until very recently that I thought about the whole situation and realized that I had been kidnapped. That yes, I was looking for drugs and that was bad, but I was kidnapped and taken captive and used.

Since this realization, I’ve been having flashbacks, especially during sex. And having sex is a whole different can of worms for me - lots of times, my body doesn’t “feel” anything. It’s like I’m still in prostitution mode, where I act like I’m enjoying it but really can’t wait for it to be over. The only way I can get off is by imagining my partner having sex with other people - it’s like I can’t allow myself and my own body to experience pleasure. Imagining things like that make me feel like a creep and it takes
something that’s supposed to be intimate and skews it into this fucked up thing.


Last night, I felt it came to a head. I was having sex with my boyfriend and just began having flashbacks of my time as a prostitute - seeing images of guys putting money on the table, disassociating from my body and I then felt this sensation of such anger that I wanted to hurt someone. I wanted to bit my boyfriend across the face, scratch him, grab his face hard. I feel so terrible about it. I started crying and then of course that ruined the moment and the poor guy had no idea what was going through my head.

He knows some of what I’ve been through, but there’s so much he doesn’t know and doesn’t want to know. I don’t blame him. 


I want to enjoy sex again. I’m seeing a therapist and am on medication for bipolar, but this shit just haunts me. I can’t tell if I actually enjoy sex or just default to prostitute mode where i make all the sounds and motions of enjoying something, like I’m acting and playing the part. 

Does anyone else have similar stories that they can offer advice about? I’m in such a low spot. I’ve been contemplating suicide for feeling like such a burden.

TL, DR: past trauma affecting relationships - help?",4.81752831499092,5.3361296688481685,5.596051928624856,82.7124270755423,69.06544502617801,8.540399615343519,28.811732022651995,8.542538833126315,1.937269238166472,2993,101,613,44,49,978,323,764,0.125,0.777,0.098,-0.9823,1,0,9,0,0,1,82.0,2,0,5,4,33,31,6,0,36,1,58,34,10,9,3,99,120,51,2,13,18,0,11,9,1,2,15,4,0,6,41,34,0,2,19,1,5,14,14,15,1,0,44,20,83,16,112,66,14,105,1,4,5,9,50,45,3,6,51,412,124,6,0.05777111484858954,0.0,0.1127525490174373,0.0,0.0,0.056453264812284736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048070195501545836,0.0,0.0,0.03928633915298185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078981349491937,0.059193334236878614,0.04754070510239107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054277864109059805,0.0444224213204622,0.04823646779749295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261421896541923,0.19251205509361707,0.0,0.0,0.05899076745827165,0.0660747649861842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225106865639886,0.0,0.06345885693860982,0.037257589792253486,0.0,0.049758176566246336,0.0,0.0,0.06035851906177059,0.0,0.0,0.0505558919166736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689730647650127,0.0,0.048260353428452016,0.06498472842518613,0.10233612076100312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651123572973195,0.054461465581696095,0.0,0.1168432459809058,0.08254339198209386,0.11093865995051427,0.06328543248684503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534084647661785,0.060366046187109564,0.05541931752379094,0.06566531180863514,0.0,0.04620483803619478,0.0,0.0,0.22880994584736605,0.10217361213714203,0.0,0.05175157150094818,0.0,0.1185796616033804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744552104034587,0.06103835469183819,0.0,0.0,0.056892911020964526,0.0,0.06184517329603241,0.06521655673978995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391517907719768,0.0,0.15874746937804213,0.047091169209585684,0.06516833388185192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25401643724964645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702637289148636,0.0,0.0,0.0982298718593072,0.0,0.0,0.07712533552298446,0.05857084292144631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639664076083694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042468416643383036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144023604048344,0.1084285555255084,0.05660342658251656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787507221697914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256048762697833,0.055149066060879916,0.040051216974279866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512825172227346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753134171983073,0.05807592691182253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037009655485946834,0.0,0.05704200635375632,0.06202455711120147,0.0,0.0,0.054953559673192966,0.0,0.0,0.05846745247939475,0.138108296648616,0.0,0.06026787219906354,0.0,0.0593012191988492,0.04778886319298164,0.12987430720928236,0.0,0.0,0.09789855627371252,0.08895005330349966,0.05713710978883674,0.0,0.08178138487225592,0.0,0.046136086944074915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319222301299189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031006598656045,0.13930270135307884,0.10098900148525666,0.053187880758516,0.0,0.06707671704750041,0.07676112334689685,0.03701739769959856,0.0,0.04586381209363115,0.13474720660484615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418583427177006,0.03922279478661765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979138897037704,0.0,0.09533444006136378,0.17037450167835694,0.09171204388551378,0.04634050363160955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899877320599798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823223864172102,0.0,0.0,0.041038942454177794,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Marinewife629,2020/03/07,"SGB as a treatment for PTSD? My husband is considering this treatment, has anyone tried it before?  Wondering if it worked, for how long, etc?",3.649066666666666,6.7552608400000045,4.18,79.93666666666667,80.6,6.533333333333335,28.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,2.305933333333334,111,5,18,2,3,35,22,25,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,13,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686656824545482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32695524244601243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285230132241226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400354238256427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491495456013303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26086999024410473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166859034345172,0.2797272777983129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,andgrim138,2020/03/07,"Two steps forward one step back I’ve been seeing my fourth therapist in about ten years and this one seems to be the most insightful (thank god). We’ve worked back through some stuff and I discovered I had been holding on to all this trauma, some of it for nearly 40 years, which has manifested itself as a variety of health anxieties. Just this past week we were talking about an altercation I had as a young teenager and how it has caused me to fearfully react to confrontations ever since, even those that have nothing to do with me at all. I did mention one conflict that concern me directly and had a doggone panic attack right there in her office. I was glad to be there. We worked through it and I’ve been meditating nightly to heal the original trauma with maybe some slight results so far. 

And then, last night I decide I want some raspberries and make a run to the grocery store.  I’m walking out of the frozen fruit aisle about to turn toward the registers and had to sort of sidestep around a man and woman who were turning down the aisle. I didn’t realize it until like five seconds later because I was just in my head, you know, but like five seconds later, I realized the man had said, “What the f—- do you think you’re looking at???” to me. Like he was going to kick my ass over it, whatever he was even talking about. 

So of course my heart starts pounding like a jackhammer and I walk quickly to the checkout and pay and trot to my car and lock the door behind me, the whole time thinking, “Have I just lost everything I have been working on? What the hell is wrong with people anyway?” It is so frustrating trying to heal sometimes.",5.3675788690476205,6.199549040625001,5.471607142857142,82.97458333333334,67.96875,8.595238095238095,30.23809523809524,8.704169506293173,2.242340773809524,1303,48,253,20,21,410,180,320,0.124,0.8270000000000001,0.049,-0.9773,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,2,0,4,21,16,4,2,19,0,28,7,3,6,3,50,44,22,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,1,3,18,20,1,2,8,0,2,8,1,10,0,9,19,4,28,6,47,23,8,42,1,1,2,1,15,16,2,7,24,188,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574699802840897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141886634578392,0.0,0.14238748035871465,0.0,0.19248050926936092,0.0,0.07629632697887928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857371715211666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533389661622747,0.11321431531632813,0.0,0.0,0.11248566785970394,0.0,0.0,0.14083970918583155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113126818931109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845018898088326,0.13303914472793796,0.0,0.14831511061934094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878462011487198,0.10202204159654292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445872639748805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510281245131987,0.0,0.13662684021077087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354522005870664,0.0,0.1257399646486065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23490821714031104,0.0,0.12009432108717286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544348076682347,0.0,0.0,0.14684820167889975,0.0,0.0,0.11947930803400594,0.0867701310612266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688588983411487,0.11905574749915887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997362536119594,0.11394089263953583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353358114398724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378636354597808,0.0,0.08858883724171594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327816685429798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20119760924038504,0.0,0.11523044074413685,0.0,0.14532031656131894,0.0,0.1603948490255566,0.0,0.0,0.0729817572381451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497537157005706,0.2722761099046758,0.12226305769870427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382256499030145,0.0,0.10039574018787492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973658359757174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733537423789133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684272716800114,0.0,0.1611977729425072
ptsd,munchmint,2020/03/07,"Confronting my abusive ex-boyfriend Today I’m finally going to tell him the impact of his actions and how damaging his behaviour has been; I’m just so nervous. It’s been something like 7 months but still feels so recent, I’m petrified of how he’ll react, that I’ll forget to say something or word something wrong, or if this will be more damaging to myself.

Either way this is a massive leap for me and I hope it goes well",5.799176470588236,5.839822329411768,6.449411764705888,79.1023529411765,66.88235294117646,9.15294117647059,33.47058823529412,8.841846274778883,2.7797529411764703,338,14,64,5,5,111,64,85,0.249,0.665,0.086,-0.941,0,0,3,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,2,0,6,0,0,3,0,15,13,10,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,2,7,3,6,8,2,8,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,4,6,41,12,0,0.0,0.2880420786884777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292221946925032,0.0,0.0,0.2663118695838232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381633281734892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414601356677865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876981558124156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404571284151492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400388645528949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332846872635012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5614670090093746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414558906447207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248626055082032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304370397164774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929670455802113,0.0,0.0,0.21858241693270927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657993749183414,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WhirlyTwirlyMustache,2020/03/07,"I just finished my first CPT assignment. I feel like shit. Is this normal? I smell gunsmoke. I feel dazed, angry, and nervous and I *really* don't want to sleep right now because I don't know what will happen when I do. (nightmares) 

I checked my CPT Coach and it said we're going to talk about ""stuck points"" in our next session, which makes me think that I overdid it with five pages, but once I finally made myself do it, I couldn't stop writing.

Anyways, like I said, I feel like shit. I hate the world and I hate life. Oh, and I'm not suicidal. Put the phone down.",-0.020163043478262917,2.3238803913043498,1.2705163043478294,98.75533967391308,92.91304347826087,4.266304347826087,18.49184782608696,5.985473137389443,-0.2922065217391299,435,13,97,4,16,137,78,115,0.20600000000000002,0.667,0.127,-0.8173,0,0,1,1,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,1,5,9,4,1,2,0,7,4,3,2,0,21,23,7,1,3,3,0,3,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,6,0,1,5,1,1,2,4,6,0,2,4,6,20,3,6,17,1,14,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,10,55,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403111061957228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25886838693021136,0.2438352290400498,0.0,0.18694673861568425,0.0,0.14516101851140534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969884806061654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509116933473835,0.0,0.0,0.3369775195721815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378879308405492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054030316715215,0.25012362051602804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148007060218228,0.11391507787877901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814959825064603,0.0,0.16720792729469633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174446275065792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132631682876106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155772982202347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932744106356587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574040808127453,0.32466835897380697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503545473111244,0.0,0.0,0.1707805540867846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267715053177718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667139551601356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716787932054805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935031175489217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065810149488044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Nmml15,2020/03/07,"PTSD? I’m not sure (to scared to tell my mom that I may have it) I am not sure what it is but it may be ptsd...
(Sorry if there is bad grammar or anything I didn’t want to go over it)[sorry if I repeated my self in this it’s 12:40Am) What’s happening to me: I am 14 years old in my family my mom and her bf have fought a lot and still do fight. I live with my mom, her bf,my brother ,and my little sister.i am normally the only sibling at the house when they start to argue,well except for my little sister but she is always asleep when it happens. First they start off arguing and it get annoying bc Ik they r going to start fighting!...but then they start to yell loud enough for me to hear what they r saying.sometimes I tell them to stop or I just leave them alone bc they say I make it worse.Im not gonna say what they fight about... but it get pretty bad sometimes. Some of them have turned into physical fights,well most of them...and I always see all of it!and I have seen my mom get pushed and her finger get snapped/broken by her bf.she obviously has to fight back for self defence so she does..but he try’s to convince her to give him another chance and that he will change.he says that every single time and yet he still haven’t changed.I even told my mom that...they suffer from alcohol education and my mom thinks that’s the only way she can fall asleep.and some times she gets black out drunk and gets mad at me easy and when I say something that makes her upset... she takes it out on me and if not me her bf mostly her bf tho.. but some fight have scared me half to death bc I thought it was gonna end up in death. I thought one of them was gonna get killed.And if they r fighting downstairs I can hear them hitting each other if it’s physical or if they r going at each other or push each other and it makes a loud noise, like a bang on the ground or something.
But the things I’m experiencing (the after effects) they don’t know about...
Let me explain.
So I have bad anxiety(I haven’t rly been diagnosed with it but my mom know I have it and it’s rly bad to the point where I have anxiety attacks) but I always get triggered when I hear a big stomp upstairs, I always think it’s them fighting again and I get rly scared, but when I go up it’s just my siblings playing around,and I have to try and clap down.
(Loud bangs,slap sounds ,yells,other noises)scare me anxiety kicks in right away. Also sometimes I wake up and I think they are fighting again but I go down and they are sleeping and it’s just the tv,but it sounded like they are fighting.so I Can’t rly go back to sleep easy. Or if they are talking loud r sometimes just talking Normally and I’m upstairs in my room it’s sound like they are arguing and my anxiety get triggered and I feel like I want to cry,even when my mom is talking on the phone she kinda talks loud a lot bc I think she is losing hearing a little,so she talks a little louder than needed and it triggers me bc I keep thinking I hear them arguing but it’s just them talking normally.
I have watched this YouTube video and there where parents arguing in it and I immediately started crying bc it gave me some kinda flash back ig and it sounded exactly like there fighting. Sometimes I can’t sleep especially when they argue. And when I’m class the topic of abuse or any kind of toxic family topic come up I have to leave the class and clam down. It also doesn’t help that my neighbour has bad anxiety and screams at night sometimes and I wake up rly scared bc I think my they are fighting. I don’t know exactly what to call it bc I don’t want to diagnose my self but I think it could be ptsd and yes it trauma I have gone through other things in my life as in seeing someone get stabbed but I don’t worry about those as much because I can’t remember them as much as what I am going threw rn... if u read this that is my story and thanks for taking the time to see what’s happening this is my first time posting on here pls don’t judge me <3",1.056664599354999,3.200970368105516,2.467085917472918,94.44888489208635,82.72901678657072,5.561101463656661,20.85719010998098,6.8039241337230125,0.28030779789961136,3133,94,700,36,87,1012,299,834,0.171,0.755,0.07400000000000001,-0.9982,1,1,3,0,20,0,86.0,0,0,26,4,38,44,19,5,19,1,56,12,7,7,6,128,132,76,2,16,37,11,2,5,4,6,4,20,1,3,54,40,2,3,16,4,0,13,16,33,0,4,12,29,121,11,76,109,16,90,0,2,6,0,103,40,0,27,40,442,175,3,0.0,0.05270787966610194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047541323112212236,0.0,0.046073418945567136,0.0,0.07114985583360595,0.14806153931788069,0.0,0.0,0.030251571625955632,0.04664678080391616,0.13612472066335551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03660766252495836,0.03960140362167657,0.0,0.05060852138684836,0.04179546196465805,0.10261949237428568,0.1857170955630011,0.02711786377510868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542452836047841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03832020035718455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03551794174767468,0.0,0.04886508128192235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030341203468148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039400826774272715,0.04596527062962984,0.0,0.05876432409502365,0.0,0.03748083612031936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387368038969584,0.0,0.022493135661205012,0.03178035149918156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567845237841228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556594213555187,0.04267441277753392,0.1769743947188578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801477609608585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25069118034068955,0.0,0.02981760043533675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133013502539202,0.0,0.0,0.04805182468309813,0.0,0.0,0.0395406337217628,0.0,0.04632465892783253,0.07334397468232218,0.0,0.0,0.0942071503510312,0.0,0.04548929661731866,0.03142132676686185,0.10866650414628493,0.13375805833445634,0.03928138965287649,0.0,0.0,0.049767741159621265,0.0,0.07563972791633168,0.0,0.0,0.08908297370228514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168057465512595,0.0,0.0,0.06540371923815234,0.032985332248726816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041746498713024785,0.13075862886085834,0.0,0.0,0.04667990417239764,0.0,0.03014443257931749,0.06766624477165614,0.0,0.0,0.04939573000990123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04205304602678432,0.0,0.042604679903194415,0.04525760592717192,0.0,0.0,0.15600302281252024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04449740036763488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039324323943705,0.03799025608146487,0.0,0.1415061814865015,0.17815043157217542,0.0,0.10634722191688924,0.0,0.1392238033791598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335524663799474,0.0,0.03769230285951798,0.06849401004672517,0.2639829630161749,0.09959544137060196,0.15743484093154014,0.0,0.0710521351096194,0.0371917545520607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385385443888957,0.0,0.06689491190012006,0.21453389338527445,0.07776433431398252,0.04095614452987048,0.0,0.0,0.059108195649764765,0.1995309660919696,0.0,0.07063281672476956,0.10375908928879038,0.0,0.0,0.04250766976634576,0.0,0.06040528140008501,0.048387299559357985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871585724527527,0.035310409729978946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517704447871092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028647114616119764
ptsd,DryHome6,2020/03/07,"Help with dealing with my husband My husband has extreme ptsd. The VA is no help, of course, they give him pills but no actual therapy. So basically, it's on me, and I need help. They changed his pills and things have gone nuts, to put it shortly.I am the reason he has a future career. I don't say that to brag, but to emphasis that if I were not in his life, he would be back on the streets. Hey skated homelcuteessness once, he will again. A big part of his ptsd are the flashbacks and mistreatment of women. At that point, someone with commant must tell him to be at ease.I can't,it has to be a man.I am at a loss.",1.2880232558139542,3.0975050310077528,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581398,80.08527131782947,6.16046511627907,22.377906976744185,7.1686216300943375,0.5421674418604656,475,15,110,6,12,156,82,129,0.081,0.861,0.057,-0.4678,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,8,0,16,3,0,1,1,14,19,7,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,1,13,0,17,11,1,14,0,1,0,0,21,9,0,1,3,73,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.1957990976468308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428245455433034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122542021652208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685462223600926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924755131111641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034612947191983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172042679563696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877460137092516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136787626380043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727734108811525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896729465051695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690829923349317,0.20170211996856188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629491913365908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955975206971454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700045732567516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537124912368685,0.0,0.2294533107148644,0.0,0.1332986155670424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425313746062725,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hi-my-brothers-gf,2020/03/07,"A death in the family (possibly triggering) Hey guys, how are y'all, how y'all doing?

I'm not doing so Gucci. My uncle died on Thursday afternoon, very suddenly, and I feel so very confused. 

1) in the past 10 years, he has not said my name. I really don't think he knew it! So we werent like best buds or anything

2) he wasn't in good health but no one expected him to just drop either. We've yet to hear the cause of death, but my family is assuming heart attack. 

I think I've been in shock since then. (TW) My aunt found him dead on the bathroom floor and that image is horrific to me. That was her life partner! They were married for almost 40 years and raised 2 kids together who have turned out really great. I just can't imagine. 

On the drive home from work (my supervisor told me to leave after I got the call) I tried to think when the last time I had experienced a shock this big. I think the last time was when I was attacked, which was the first event that began my PTSD experience. 

Fast forward to now. I slept all of Friday. I tried leaving the house with my boyfriend, and it was nice and he's very supportive but I started to disassociate while we were out. It was just in small ways (like feeling my person leave through my back and then return I know it's confusing) So I came back and immediately fell asleep. 

Is any of this normal? Should I contact my therapist? I wasn't due to see her for another two weeks. I was doing really well--we had just gone to monthly. 

Really appreciate just being able to write this out. Thanks guys. Much love to yall and this community ❤️",1.0299848917240195,3.405799037267084,2.8655447372838694,90.0185269430922,85.0248447204969,6.586671143192882,19.57226792009401,7.824948511530503,0.7807440658049352,1238,35,267,25,37,411,183,322,0.156,0.762,0.08199999999999999,-0.9697,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,2,3,1,3,17,15,2,2,12,0,27,6,3,4,1,51,51,23,4,3,12,1,2,2,2,1,2,2,1,5,13,15,0,0,11,0,0,5,7,6,0,3,23,6,39,9,31,26,4,50,0,0,1,1,31,15,0,5,32,164,52,1,0.10223615245425463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237473870131113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695240894959441,0.10720351998263188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413164238511278,0.0,0.0,0.2326167654137869,0.0,0.1572265811524939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729053453137737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043945423428952,0.11693092238588675,0.0,0.10502469081482692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610498524067816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000657467984196,0.19275829149862286,0.0,0.1033873410670861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869620190502263,0.0,0.11209666421710128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575083411722957,0.08176759056793384,0.11271571900613983,0.0,0.2024597289494075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867224928085296,0.11522757411318055,0.12115033290617365,0.0,0.0,0.10255119673796716,0.0,0.0,0.1179667934436288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618631568248807,0.16667221905543145,0.0,0.3247599711419649,0.0,0.0,0.07221241796066848,0.09989483988323583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227211915585436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160392149919705,0.0,0.07515533549634651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016972261466853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927786279542487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759597577936532,0.0,0.08926866489082404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525590062799325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950859119828015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619803886739831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724999282733597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146897694676132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457080178940794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236327491371028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601637425186848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412531331960468,0.0,0.11870405285015165,0.0,0.26203519351112753,0.0,0.0,0.11922944531487033,0.0,0.0,0.09769102490410213,0.0,0.13882327311827836,0.1112035760200142,0.0998698654538384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530665984324313,0.0,0.08115029911699545,0.08200767470915167,0.0,0.09192257912469276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744291366133964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316734604732301
ptsd,bitter_realization,2020/03/07,How did you get your PTSD under control? This is an open question,0.6600000000000001,3.166710769230772,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,95.15384615384615,2.6,21.884615384615387,3.1291,-0.3081999999999998,52,2,10,0,2,16,13,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5504142758211035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25639495309824945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5736567586106112,0.0,0.5497487392422504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lbvixx,2020/03/07,"Suicidal once a month I have severe PTSD from sexual abuse. I can’t seem to move forward in life. I’m self-destructive & I know I shouldn’t drink alcohol, but it’s the only thing that helps me escape. Most times when I drink, I end up suicidal. My family tells me to just do it already. I don’t have anyone that cares for me, other than my 12 year old son, & he deserves better. I hate myself & feel disgusting because of my own behavior, but I don’t know how to stop. I want to escape the pain. I don’t trust anyone & have trouble even going in public. I am completely alone. Am I ever going to be loved?",1.4554427083333332,3.3370207421875016,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,79.859375,7.079166666666668,20.041666666666664,8.07648339933343,0.9047166666666664,477,12,101,9,12,164,83,128,0.243,0.581,0.17600000000000002,-0.904,0,1,3,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,3,0,12,6,0,1,1,13,23,4,2,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,0,3,1,4,2,0,4,5,4,0,0,0,1,20,4,12,21,2,15,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,9,62,26,0,0.0,0.1540009415491022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890538887451026,0.0,0.13461649269429488,0.14343233983562412,0.0,0.0,0.5633180909418202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817652325177419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792324901062726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495368389190368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251974120040502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362779253628474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546550459037665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151206320476109,0.0,0.0,0.08584827636265567,0.11757121834544645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225303107716237,0.0,0.06572004209163898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773732173545848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832492043258031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712053246812729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286341029821795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180627142417166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730889859857363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374603119525193,0.1381444882978084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638851039941202,0.13842076914299636,0.0,0.09885301279372953,0.13830419860916682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193561538190758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832575703494895,0.13559387414975574,0.14683648962507226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086662042784474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843464692486708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360522164008108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635063524654134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579036353755886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666352866282691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370062790411925
ptsd,ADHDvm,2020/03/08,Are ptsd associated intrusive thoughts always associated to the event? Or are they about a variety of memories?,7.1433333333333335,10.964292222222225,9.553333333333338,42.60000000000002,71.22222222222223,14.711111111111116,42.333333333333336,12.161744961471696,8.148133333333334,92,6,12,5,2,33,16,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5074176313679467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7128448948678391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4841275691775899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,8erblem,2020/03/08,"2 fires less then 5 months apart. October 28th, 12:47 my mom yelled fire and at about 1:15 I watched it burn to the ground. My childhood, memories, belongings, anything anyone of importance gave me. The 2 dollar bills my great grandma gave me because she loved them so much, gone. Today at about 12:17 I went out to my car to start it when the smell. The smell alone can make me have a panic attack and look up, one of the top middle apartments has smoke blowing out it. Then I saw it, that orange glow. The glow that’s made me stay up at night, the glow that makes me blow out candles. I ran over to the fire alarm, pulled it, ran upstairs to my apartment, and as flash backs, ate at me. I have a good ability to be as sharp as a razor in high stress situations, I grabbed my dogs shaking, calling my mom who had my brother and his friends that the apartments were on fire and to get back. I grabbed my dogs ran out the door, put them in my car, drove away from the building, ran back inside to open the garage (we have a staircase inside our apartment down to a personal garage), opened, grab our safe with our birth certificates in it, passports, by this time 911 had been called, anything we may need is out of the apartment and the only things left inside are wants not needs. About 1:00 pm to 1:15pm the flames are now under control and kept to the apartment it started in and the one blow it.",7.011164596273294,5.898238822463771,6.121759834368527,86.2858695652174,64.76086956521739,9.045134575569358,32.033126293995856,7.447530270364453,1.8193082815734989,1089,34,233,8,14,328,158,276,0.08199999999999999,0.8370000000000001,0.081,0.4215,0,1,1,0,0,0,41.0,5,0,2,2,9,10,1,4,22,0,14,2,0,4,0,29,37,15,0,3,1,3,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,15,18,1,3,0,0,2,12,1,5,0,2,17,17,32,5,43,18,2,62,0,0,6,1,20,34,0,1,15,147,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536414642326162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813859856819393,0.0,0.23099833862029395,0.0,0.0,0.15967264165557216,0.13186695912531066,0.3237700881933719,0.0,0.08555833733867559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28663372256360353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741865420856044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843695155286184,0.0,0.07332903639242037,0.0,0.0,0.11772205828166242,0.0,0.1547404941153122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829143252675167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249474944862046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786179281530687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126674730349421,0.13280610263383405,0.18737442295997944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32876120851437035,0.11202901641291987,0.0,0.10317614839038768,0.2081410399557591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171247739934658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021465355036965,0.10674534404013074,0.0,0.16467487327796554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255147228815433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410942749121099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577634846296011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986861994881079,0.1495984124446775,0.0,0.0,0.16077473524794436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324478846901248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818413946333104,0.0,0.13303893462272262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278427243810803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010932335356412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,foolishcomputer,2020/03/08,"DAE feel erratic after a therapy session? And if so, what's your personal way of self soothing?

I've noticed recently that the deeper I delve in a session the more likely I am to act out the rest of the week. My brain literally feels like it's a bullet train of emotions or as if fireworks are going off in it. My perception of abandonment, fears, clinginess, and anxiety just heightens..which sucks. My sessions and current therapist do me well with unraveling and tracing behaviours, memories, etc but they leave me in pieces sometimes. This, coupled with being very sober (due to health reasons) really exhausts me.

I'd like to find better ways to cope (that don't involve sleeping or food reward), and also would like to know if anyone else feels this from time to time...",6.0092307692307685,7.4587443636363675,6.3254615384615445,75.18203846153848,66.90209790209789,9.356363636363636,34.579720279720284,9.642632912329526,3.5500159440559447,616,29,103,13,10,198,103,143,0.079,0.815,0.106,0.7245,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,2,4,11,1,1,7,0,6,5,2,1,0,24,12,14,0,4,7,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,8,1,1,7,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,0,3,10,7,20,10,4,16,0,1,0,0,5,5,1,5,11,69,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799600235575895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244171026467733,0.0,0.0,0.111914244511615,0.16399536017397498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155572557401674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867442040991927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709791930410115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337054947935581,0.18004044004766853,0.0,0.0,0.17850374056958984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801064808400192,0.2427859967963697,0.11434339248329953,0.0,0.0,0.1462874579995876,0.0,0.19353925726934965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909629994645944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701310824158205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879620948979741,0.0,0.0,0.16947523641452766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312779340623888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222378750714546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139753936117037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253539287116584,0.16456329571200512,0.15803509799930013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697237173111987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017068576463306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829858243197933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830369510884768,0.1858363025720429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665882708319656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206221643371327,0.0,0.25408857032969434,0.12838654354723755,0.0,0.14390875304808212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136985479141818,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NDV20,2020/03/08,"Time gaps Does anyone experience time gaps? I am a person who suffered physical, emotional and psychological abuse. I was really afraid of my dad like... terrified. Yet I can’t remember what he did. I have flashback sometimes of memories that I know took place but I didn’t particularly recall till I got the flashback. It’s weird because it happens out of nowhere and then I’m like “well shit I forgot that happen”.",2.378051948051948,5.32452654545455,4.150389610389613,77.7741558441559,88.74025974025975,7.475324675324676,26.48051948051948,8.296473431620573,2.663062337662338,332,15,57,9,11,111,58,77,0.183,0.7240000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.7876,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,2,0,6,1,1,0,0,7,13,5,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,6,0,9,3,5,7,0,8,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,7,34,15,0,0.0,0.2699858324986923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933031683762133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389059676330993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940846323648725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563203681672768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289822699664805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822465275080962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40300511388799853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523006799496894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226491884895592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896518998098786,0.2380731319937085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597781278447805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25812955889133604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390280618494225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22536687267916064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657428479233301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25316927638782843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488032885284987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,eoinaveril,2020/03/08,"Associating trauma with secondary person? Hey there,

Long story short, I went through a particularly traumatic breakup in December that was worsened by my childhood trauma of abandonment. While I don’t believe I have PTSD, the event was undeniably traumatic and I went through a week of what I can only describe as acute stress disorder back in January.

To make matters more complicated, my roommate’s best friend is a good friend of the person that messed me up. The event occurred at her birthday. party, and before that the two of them (friend and lover) would often come and visit the pair of my roommate and I. This weekend my roommate’s friend is here for the first time since it happened, and it’s worsened and heightened all of the trauma of the situation. I had to shorten her trip from the entire weekend to just a night to not go off the deep end. I feel awful. I can’t even look her in the face, and I’m avoiding all contact the best I can. We were friendly before, and I still like her a lot, but I am undeniably unraveling from her being here.

Does anyone else have this issue? I feel terrible about it, like absolute shit, because I know she had nothing to do with it. I feel like I’m punishing my roommate and her for my inability to get over this 3 months on but I feel more and more hopeless about just living while she’s here. The person who hurt me and I have not spoken since, and I feel like it’s my only chance to relay a message or have her tell them how ruined I’ve become from this. I’m thinking I’m just subconsciously angry and scared of her for still being in contact with this person, but I don’t know.

Any similar stories?",4.445389576883387,5.902445668730652,5.258130804953563,81.33516318369453,70.64086687306501,7.736274509803923,28.938209494324045,8.212053250817874,2.000372652218782,1313,50,249,19,24,427,160,323,0.19,0.7170000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9886,0,1,0,0,0,1,32.0,1,0,2,3,15,27,2,3,19,1,21,3,2,2,2,46,41,22,0,1,9,0,5,4,6,1,0,0,0,4,15,19,0,2,8,2,0,6,5,14,0,2,7,6,41,13,39,31,8,34,0,4,1,1,30,11,1,3,21,180,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182354247506759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385023300987195,0.10821764123269384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121336152323573,0.0,0.06438346624654374,0.1166462644172364,0.17974547860255335,0.11899478902456677,0.22167816421491254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098015045426258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104684015193112,0.0,0.09242661262742093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882298941327321,0.0,0.09354578302129322,0.0,0.0,0.06975938274949442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26701698419759073,0.15090636969192106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898382174330516,0.0,0.0,0.4079992100913501,0.0,0.05518080044934237,0.0,0.06002487650300821,0.08858697353887117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339723335619207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113065750764114,0.0,0.0,0.1102372614779964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608926517978092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639756169154086,0.0,0.0932622143767359,0.0934681908448898,0.08869212511042128,0.0,0.0,0.0897922474569879,0.0,0.0,0.07050052169875531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430290514299485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911489758527788,0.0,0.10134286897268348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065378240763845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688846148702293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346124110788835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574157309233323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841487722656802,0.17473582519412695,0.11871852940970533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869259247382268,0.0,0.12098452426861135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231437688105967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767544885361985,0.0,0.0,0.06158643135017908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317298040733787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472001216352351,0.0,0.0,0.19581701769952867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502766330585353,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Jamlesstyra,2020/03/08,"Hate society? Does anyone else find that they kinda hate people? Especially if their ptsd was caused from something that could’ve been stopped? Like my ptsd was caused from domestic violence in the house while I was growing up, and I also lived in an apartment building, So it wasn’t like people couldn’t hear it, I’m sure a lot of people did but they just chose not to do anything about it. So as I was growing up I started to hate society and found it to be unfair, does/did anyone else feel their way?",3.66,5.351617599999997,4.153000000000001,87.55150000000002,73.0,7.0,25.5,7.645422480735847,1.2526000000000006,400,13,80,5,8,126,64,100,0.172,0.746,0.08199999999999999,-0.9117,0,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,4,0,5,6,3,0,3,0,10,0,0,2,1,16,18,9,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,8,2,9,3,12,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,5,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906040056415465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820267094518535,0.30509317343687753,0.12251670542051303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058844149871843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188696820857111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028711509192295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24874260874965945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527890845007254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607490098427436,0.0,0.0,0.16324076886128827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409686739231124,0.0,0.0,0.16780015644200652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178914463095085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547186200146486,0.0,0.1314650024794319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657364092688006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096468473407709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480687752662034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461617422640714,0.0,0.0,0.10537902012281936,0.0,0.0,0.12447151558557558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403189561155366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817512424389265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,coffee-panopoly,2020/03/08,"How to avoid hurting someone with PTSD I've been reading a book about PTSD and other online materials for awhile.  There are a lot of good tips on how to communicate with someone suffering from PTSD.  But even after I read these and try really hard to adjust my communication to avoid triggers and show support - I still end up violating what these tips clearly spell out for me.

Do you have any advice for a guy like me that takes too long to learn?  I want to stop hurting this person with my words.",6.047812499999999,6.665624822916668,6.260416666666668,78.67625000000002,66.39583333333334,8.9,29.541666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.177179166666666,397,13,76,6,6,127,70,96,0.187,0.701,0.11199999999999999,-0.8016,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,7,9,1,2,3,0,4,0,0,3,1,20,7,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,8,3,19,6,1,8,0,3,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,51,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332742821380514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366103907591095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803657036355186,0.0,0.0,0.11039449817382813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018923481132367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549503438487612,0.0,0.0,0.1497247521003141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578539925180731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165623873515608,0.0,0.0,0.14791378043854592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209658553760945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459403392690568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5861337021128722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343707774589007,0.0,0.10707426522979874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28323462735410265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334783462653611,0.1397366563202458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966867085769476,0.0,0.0,0.125668598138808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134771960693063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985835957755956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwwwawayyyysh,2020/03/08,My boyfriend has ptsd My boyfriend (m20) has ptsd and it breaks my (f19) heart everytime I see him go through / relive that pain. I want to know how I can help. I've asked and he said that when he gets like that I can't help and he just needs to be alone. I know I need to give him space and I respect that but when he comes back what do I say to him? How am I supposed to act and how do I support him? I just want him to be happy. I just want to help.,-1.8069230769230769,0.02777149019608061,0.0798039215686277,108.46527149321268,93.90196078431372,3.5306184012066364,14.708898944193061,4.713530739802397,-1.560966214177979,340,7,96,1,13,109,53,102,0.035,0.733,0.23199999999999998,0.9546,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,3,0,20,24,11,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,3,20,4,8,21,0,8,0,0,1,0,16,1,0,0,4,58,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949915167801477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600755537733603,0.0,0.0,0.1447684364594348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217841354023252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983635950267349,0.18060627289293135,0.10699849577738484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041750793715934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231015155682354,0.3785813557161751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693714795924628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919794838395381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792004636892783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003331458434822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401564103073512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908841245679358,0.14972030290620822,0.0,0.0,0.15002725780945722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364719605326385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331405558818979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,slebsta,2020/03/08,"Does post traumatic stress disorder ever really go away? So I was diagnosed with PTSD after my best friend was murdered almost four years ago. My friend was like my rock at the time, they had the most calming presence, wisdom far beyond their years, the best sense of humor, and the most compassionate heart. We spent large amounts of time together as we grew up and although my PTSD has made many of the memories we had together fuzzy, my time with them was one of the greatest joys I’ll ever have and I will cherish them forever. 

The loss of my closest friend and the brutality of what happened shattered my life at the time. Afterwards I attempted suicide, overdosed, just started spiraling in every way. It is obviously not a ever going to be a super comfortable topic to talk about and I felt selfish at first for reacting the way that I did to this loss of my friend, but with time, EMDR, and therapy, coping with PTSD and grief has become less and less painful and I am now able to drive past where my friend was found, be open about it with close loved ones, go out in public without constant fear of being murdered, not have panic attacks every day, etc. My life has been actually really wonderful within the past two years, after my OD I quit everything cold turkey, got therapy, and started to return to myself, or rather an evolved version of my best self (I don’t think you ever go back to your “old self” after a traumatic event) and I am quite thankful and happy to be alive and well and with the people I love most. I still miss my friend every day and I think of them very often, but I have a more thankful outlook on the amazing times we had instead of feeling robbed of what could have been and numb.

Despite this though, the one part of my post traumatic stress that still creeps into my life is the nightmares. Every once in a while I will get these horrific detailed flashbacks or I will have dreams that I can sense are about the death of my friend and every time they happen I wake up having a panic attack. They happened a lot after I sobered up, started actually dreaming again and began confronting my grief but the nightmares gradually got better, especially after EMDR. Yet I still get these nightmares every so often. I actually had one two nights ago and have since avoided sleep because it was one of the worst ones I have had in a long time. 

When does PTSD go away, if ever? It no longer controls my life as it once did but every once in a while it creeps back in, like with these nightmares, and I just want them to stop.",10.280337423312886,7.3141100552147265,9.389262781186094,71.29432361963192,59.8997955010225,12.152188139059305,38.764928425357866,10.008157457239328,3.7095635173824126,2023,70,375,29,20,640,227,489,0.14800000000000002,0.645,0.20600000000000002,0.9875,0,1,0,0,0,1,44.0,4,2,8,12,29,49,6,6,28,0,41,12,3,3,6,74,71,36,7,4,13,0,2,2,7,3,7,0,0,2,16,35,0,3,6,3,1,7,5,21,1,10,22,3,55,28,62,41,16,86,0,5,0,2,28,24,0,11,53,284,71,0,0.05603510704022439,0.0,0.16404654392967372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934348285253564,0.0,0.05611106544634289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749604749792073,0.1052936552544364,0.08617507694639265,0.0,0.034158481152660986,0.061886373271156016,0.0,0.0,0.17641616324202036,0.049558498532405466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055404387400561,0.06284813730747525,0.04473947335346087,0.0,0.0,0.07227601674440136,0.0,0.0,0.05687445411609096,0.0,0.0,0.06422108732210223,0.0,0.09807339956964617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249395656144836,0.0,0.2534348119415209,0.3304839611901698,0.0,0.050360741043193824,0.0,0.0,0.0630550741073322,0.028333033786118688,0.0,0.05380249023684796,0.0,0.0,0.04766343342286716,0.0,0.06143960260112428,0.3030480928872907,0.0,0.05855206132952787,0.0,0.15923021330254006,0.0,0.08963278800902758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865498029066265,0.05965041341290037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640187164118719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831701303000612,0.05475184571453664,0.0,0.0,0.0495893064086136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763904417120825,0.1011477437208948,0.05302177315366709,0.0,0.05681080348096385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052585152034997584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058799418719127174,0.17902668062934796,0.22782503238254795,0.0,0.059625304659598234,0.13149024934685105,0.0,0.060680560343244816,0.10698370034883477,0.038847687743727474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733228602057084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620081659672575,0.0,0.0,0.11920046766988182,0.0,0.0,0.07179504886177526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691367489140775,0.0,0.0,0.04635281959449228,0.0,0.05607557492438138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898581152255187,0.0,0.13424912659746535,0.04684785857162777,0.12837605158342552,0.0,0.0,0.061293312236109336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045038896466802716,0.0,0.1031791960171563,0.12816205681699788,0.0,0.0,0.07181006798584237,0.05505420816124231,0.0,0.26139617230039064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947631471758798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046234831779335135,0.03305095795188625,0.08895611949797763,0.0,0.0,0.05038229077498208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401584356931848,0.060767683287490486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825431525226302
ptsd,Wtafmate,2020/03/08,"TW possibly. Triggers unrelated to the trauma Does anyone else have triggers that are seemingly unrelated to their trauma? 

Most of my triggers make sense to me because they directly involve something related to the traumatic experience (Childhood sexual abuse). But I've noticed that loud noises, for example, loud rooms or fireworks, are also huge triggers for me. Which doesn't really make sense to me because it doesn't correlate with the traumatic experience.",8.515307017543858,11.339979565789475,8.60263157894737,55.94675438596494,62.55263157894736,12.435087719298249,42.92982456140351,11.855464076750405,6.753261403508773,381,23,46,14,6,124,51,76,0.156,0.816,0.027999999999999997,-0.8934,0,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,6,0,11,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,9,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,31,10,0,0.0,0.2913264336947336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662936442527368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719243285996535,0.2519321138645833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997711383219556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151703884073791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540037171122769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810337264502736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32825231187458986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799348953188928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771916524086356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751639707711498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383902633627872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928968308695604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,betterin2015,2020/03/08,"Anniversaries TW: suicide, abuse 


Today is the 5 year anniversary (the irony of my username isn't lost on me but it's an artist reference lol) of my last suicide attempt. I ended up being scheduled to the psychiatric hospital my psychiatrist worked at. My parents were in the first session I had with him after I was admitted and brought *the* note I had written in my diary, but also a passage about an abusive relationship I was in. 


My parents bringing it up resulted in my dad having to hold me while I was sobbing and screaming because this had been the first time I had had it brought up with my parents, and the first time I remember explicitly telling anyone (I ended up being diagnosed with dissociative amnesia after this session because I've completely blacked out any other times I'd talked about it). 


I've been seeing a trauma psychologist for the past 6 months (I haven't been mentally well enough to work on trauma previously) and we're making some progress but if it goes too far in session I become almost catatonic and it's just so frustrating because I feel like I should be over it considering the abuse occured nearly a decade ago (this is something I *only* think about myself, I have a lot more sympathy and compassion for others and would never say this about anyone else).  


Anyways, my body / brain must have subconsciously known this day was coming because I've been getting majorly triggered re: abuse the past month-ish, waking up crying, having nightmares etc. It's just all completely messed up and I guess I just needed to vent because it's doing my head in today.",6.014453591606134,7.585624979661016,6.448571428571429,73.84988700564975,67.0,9.14447134786118,34.04761904761905,9.48565724429506,3.4453890234059728,1279,59,210,26,21,414,164,295,0.18600000000000005,0.757,0.057,-0.9928,3,0,1,0,3,2,30.0,0,0,0,8,12,9,1,0,16,1,29,5,4,3,4,41,43,15,2,5,7,4,1,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,16,13,0,1,6,1,0,4,3,7,1,3,18,5,31,2,35,19,7,45,0,2,2,0,10,19,1,5,23,158,47,5,0.0,0.4522903949127988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459567050527292,0.0,0.09556244794124352,0.0,0.0,0.07631780247286854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489776938530467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334580619603774,0.0977824719043753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908756099119721,0.1053983430354318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600464202672136,0.0,0.10653488290905952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220715129542208,0.20011954492046571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048287611380649,0.0615464439375341,0.0,0.0,0.0968625709995286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797220956388159,0.0,0.1690507720526611,0.0986078862261624,0.10643311480614524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825383450956965,0.06817741398956671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435259964647777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049859847323752704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513030080220846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794187621499917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779070041490722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662378413386037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417648411215114,0.08113379495413599,0.0,0.0,0.06370232435051143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961741021641712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152347553683543,0.0,0.0,0.07076242225838089,0.07360387733238563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258116045436692,0.0,0.0,0.3179014367687495,0.0,0.1822033535421569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245941694780927,0.10810708014669104,0.0,0.0,0.07589221847921053,0.0,0.0,0.07604781186319688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346905019098644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877660807602227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670549765367915,0.08341272144652004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114966654942997,0.0,0.0,0.1669433954924426,0.0,0.180918809103274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580580320558892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895284292116689,0.0,0.0,0.06779292447781743,0.0,0.0,0.061455776939410574
ptsd,cruelenglishdramas,2020/03/08,"Parenting with PTSD / CPTSD Are there any parents on this sub really struggling with being triggered by their own children?
I have two young children (1 & 3) and they constantly trigger me with their noise, movement, and touch. They also constantly trigger bad memories of my own childhood. It makes me feel like such a shitty, terrible father to them to be constantly disassociating around them and unable to be fully present with them. 
Does anyone have any shared experiences or ways of coping with this?",9.46655172413793,10.208420252873566,8.285655172413794,66.64986206896555,59.11494252873564,11.09793103448276,38.089655172413785,10.793553405168565,4.426693793103448,410,18,61,9,5,126,64,87,0.14,0.81,0.05,-0.8675,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,7,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,4,0,15,8,5,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,2,11,2,13,5,2,10,0,0,0,0,13,2,0,1,7,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924673647688527,0.0,0.2022118915533594,0.0,0.2538275466940913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049497993077902,0.0,0.0,0.16613892413953438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558269941435466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6050372919407315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331984975961947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255847497107164,0.0,0.0,0.09436497238778896,0.13332743094894198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117725352030694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457596664534172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144577055566733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181587183137162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955898995081587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951046197269407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823089171005658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481370089683828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,fancylamp12,2020/03/08,"a psychologist told me i have ptsd and bpd tendencies with a lot of pent up anger towards my mom my mom traumatized me when i was a child, i’d say because she was severely mentally ill and at times emotionally abusive + addicted to xanax. i was also sexually abused during my childhood. basically i’m always default irritated with my mom. she walks in the room and i get so stressed and annoyed with her. i cant care about her feelings which sounds fucked up but when she used to throw suicide threats at me or yell at us about how unhappy we made her (by being just.. typical kids...) when i was young it’s hard for me to sit there and continue to be her personal therapist even at 19 years old. she’s not at all that bad now, but every little thing she does down to just moving dishes around  ( she used to empty out dirty cabinets and throw the dishes everywhere and make me clean it up when i was like 9) or sighing i freak out. i get really anxious but it converts to being angry and pissed off with her. i guess it’s a form of hypervigilance towards my mom that i haven’t been able to let go. she hasn’t gone off on me unreasonably in a very long time (whenever she does now it’s because i’m being a bitch to her or arguing with her for dumb reasons for these reasons) but i still constantly expect her to. i know it’s been years since she was actually abusive but i’m scared i’ll never be able to let go of that anger towards her",3.759262148545425,4.815367682593858,5.235728912725501,82.37572241183166,71.83276450511946,8.857402892897774,28.286851942142054,9.23628265651192,2.256984852917276,1133,42,237,24,21,382,157,293,0.28600000000000003,0.6940000000000001,0.021,-0.9981,0,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,2,0,0,0,17,16,9,2,8,0,19,7,1,7,2,42,37,23,1,1,11,4,2,1,0,0,3,3,2,3,12,17,2,0,4,0,0,7,5,13,1,0,11,5,44,2,45,19,3,48,0,0,0,1,30,22,4,5,19,163,56,0,0.2021926612478353,0.3593478611850659,0.09865543536792784,0.1102099227589316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084669907484872,0.08412024573729142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142100776785812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999716792204909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441121327442001,0.12325476961224867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732728937599694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030744467883236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924921827502183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694016041028032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371976475781155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677317291489553,0.0,0.08517801879963711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051117342368310656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346192861724326,0.10563732030765384,0.0,0.11491074891885175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136900588333996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056245489600252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555989941345095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675569509782984,0.0,0.0493905605699398,0.10132508224417383,0.0,0.08946707128617068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859484850574598,0.0,0.09565979244336292,0.06748258571733777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188132315818046,0.0,0.0,0.4736112022897619,0.0,0.10744940021139372,0.0,0.0,0.07797172256825588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608359275651792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882734164335513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817620047454312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476489811717588,0.2078877309029521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039585982173245,0.1012150633520134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142100776785812,0.0,0.0836279293927594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073566022771468,0.0,0.11580550516085104,0.0,0.0,0.11058297710413212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173806318533705,0.06716390989926233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790016676392265,0.0,0.0,0.09660187629922368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160643807769725,0.17462954071788206,0.0,0.08341506042898357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020544469680936
ptsd,funkyinquisitor,2020/03/08,"Hard time coping Now usually I like to think I mask my symptoms well or make it atleast hard to notice, but here recently it's becoming harder each day to cope with my trauma. I've become more emotional and even anxious and I'm so confused. It normally didn't ""affect"" me, except for being angry at the world, having a hard time trusting others, and being constantly numb about what happened but overtime I realize how awful the situation was then I start bawling, shaking, and having a fits of anxiety at my workplace and school environment. I feel so alone yet I want to isolate myself from the world because I feel disconnected from my peers and coworkers. I wish I could go to a therapist, but my parents won't allow me so I don't know what else to do. What are some other practical ways to help ease my anxiety? I appreciate any advice at this point.",5.611252771618624,6.666258817073171,6.773325942350329,73.05593126385811,67.53658536585365,9.866075388026607,32.592017738359196,10.018931242160765,3.4462756097560985,682,29,118,16,11,230,109,164,0.214,0.6509999999999999,0.135,-0.9114,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,6,1,11,2,0,4,0,28,22,15,0,4,5,1,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,2,5,20,3,17,16,3,20,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,11,86,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827880219992046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715712177682434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318856370475744,0.0,0.2321617300357242,0.1714232752571697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249943931157133,0.33517033752319536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639772881399754,0.0,0.1211522310314354,0.0,0.0,0.09785989890259007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267594960877884,0.17068734154196996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022299461697484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344884495882352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623747283212839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341833893443649,0.0,0.40778833923813795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170828147668358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339246521849471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413261449234207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128778564571632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867321353290944,0.0,0.17275726412948342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848957455474609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344356956287066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498251767252029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356921960408682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056238265024354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740251986692877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771620524337807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618210908400808,0.0,0.0972290160667578,0.0,0.0,0.17696190345756527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712043198017051,0.0,0.08950032249960382,0.12044433621216595,0.0,0.0,0.13643269520943993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449378250411895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,luchialiu,2020/03/09,"So confused Hi y'all! I (f19) was diagnosed with bipolar 2 about two and half years ago. I just started seeing this new psychiatrist for the first time, and today after our evaluation she told me that she didn't think I had bipolar but instead she leaned towards PTSD. She asked me if my past doctors were adult psychiatrists. I said yes and she said that explained why. I'm so confused right now. Is it possible? I've lived in the mindset that I have bipolar for too long that it's hard for me to accept that I might have ptsd... I did grow up experiencing very bad domestic abuse (quite often my father beating me and witnessing my mother being beaten by him; having bruises all over my body when I was still in elementary school), but I personally felt that that never affected me much. I did also experience sexual assault, and my bipolar journey started in the year that my grandfather from my mom's side died. But I never cared about all those bad things happened to me because I was very clear-minded that they were never my faults. Is me being misdiagnosed possible??

Thank you for your time!",4.8837019230769245,6.658201504807693,5.591538461538463,78.12846153846156,70.00961538461539,8.276923076923078,29.34615384615385,8.841846274778883,2.4389365384615402,875,34,157,16,16,284,129,208,0.195,0.74,0.065,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,1,3,1,4,12,10,2,2,3,1,17,7,1,1,5,25,31,13,1,1,5,3,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,14,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,7,0,3,13,6,38,3,18,15,3,29,0,0,1,0,22,8,0,5,19,118,52,3,0.0,0.15119522978633335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311725373641572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204848753330742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929674054164495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130955683801274,0.0777889695196549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174429870648228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010539104809432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295199619067067,0.13243749722340226,0.0,0.0,0.13061272770299426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482561895127488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252419111994566,0.0,0.0,0.10854374212843712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112843793015803,0.0,0.11431216926846093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268066126956752,0.11292952480763233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353724741688195,0.12884822834374987,0.14945355662497695,0.0,0.0,0.0938069452019052,0.0,0.2952586728775625,0.12324510402810232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181677177539105,0.0,0.11142283778465537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877188660792281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983350627511719,0.0,0.0,0.13572736891989573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089769790449916,0.24276984961322026,0.0,0.0,0.1291466351779832,0.10168746910153346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806439348485328,0.0,0.10190832910337598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748478069282975,0.0,0.0,0.0847774306245648,0.08176638716443455,0.0,0.0,0.14881910870651754,0.0,0.12095795631615452,0.12193540963359215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465498203258353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105807868889332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151468412821754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643514064514818
ptsd,DutchOven969,2020/03/09,Hi there I'm just really excited to have found this community and am looking forward to engaging and finding support as well. Thank you.,3.649066666666666,6.7552608400000045,5.596,69.78466666666668,80.6,9.733333333333334,36.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,5.022333333333334,111,7,17,4,3,38,23,25,0.0,0.605,0.395,0.8858,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701537146385435,0.0,0.0,0.4440508612344368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400897767471989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594470986931188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595780906028029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37286057293001296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641348358784018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,qiankgs,2020/03/09,DAE excessively layer clothing? I’ve been having a bad spot with my mental health and have found myself needing to layer my clothes (6-7 shirts and 3-4 pairs of pants) to feel even the smallest bit safe. My therapist says this is normal for people with sexual trauma but I still feel crazy. DAE do this?,3.6293220338983048,5.609837355932207,4.412000000000003,84.44783050847458,73.74576271186443,6.753898305084746,21.969491525423727,7.554174236665415,0.906773559322034,240,6,45,3,5,77,49,59,0.128,0.8390000000000001,0.033,-0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,11,9,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,5,1,6,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483379117292467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247116693037051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644677144151607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007745905896633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32611176511917483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161494526171937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997350003140199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205372775056505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914138906943863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061974277918536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23652473605490265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23752442934152845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453339889471672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gertrude403,2020/03/09,"Disturbing dreams, how do I go through the day after? I was about to go to bed and just started crying, sobbing uncontrolably, shaking, etc. I finally fell asleep but had very disturbing dreams related to abuse. I have to go to work now and I feel anxious, the words and images from my dream are on a loop in my head. I have been very tired, anxious and sad for weeks, I just have thse waves of sadness and uncontrolable crying. I have a therapist and I'm on meds  I can't work out because of an injury. What can I do? I just want this to stop",1.1797878787878773,3.4752861000000053,2.7886363636363645,91.39628787878787,83.45454545454545,6.212121212121213,22.803030303030305,7.492282038375204,0.9524848484848484,421,15,91,7,12,138,70,110,0.349,0.58,0.07,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,0,5,5,0,12,3,2,1,0,16,19,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,7,0,1,1,3,0,5,1,8,0,0,3,1,13,0,17,16,1,16,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,7,62,15,2,0.0,0.2173376562541353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144532908264404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181882088289506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029842333161057,0.1182988630898443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457585639646167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274904278793483,0.0,0.0,0.20094146602310434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127469506770187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825478555479447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375228578168766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983455057407384,0.0,0.0,0.15335788154503352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129794066326943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108288094391302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027022396094749,0.10819331019763924,0.0,0.14713858103000588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26708225998173496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nolosh,2020/03/09,"Does anyone else get so anxious lying in bed that you can actually hear your pulse pounding against your pillow? No? Just me, and I should probably see a doctor about it? Got it...",1.3641176470588228,4.059276588235297,2.6796470588235297,87.96241176470592,91.94117647058823,5.072941176470589,21.50588235294117,6.742157984588678,0.8069600000000006,140,5,26,2,5,45,32,34,0.23800000000000002,0.762,0.0,-0.8416,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,18,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.30467274009757045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527093786907747,0.0,0.21830507659442897,0.3198968980235128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195610213225197,0.2732178075361732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608120924139768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311727638049972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497035274665912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35188430425346084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33661608802615883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487916151301943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,goblinfvck,2020/03/09,"Since going through your trauma, has anyone else experienced more intense empathy? I got diagnosed with ptsd in the fall of 2018, shortly after the traumatic event. Around that time I started noticing empathy felt stronger, more painful. Ive always had super high empathy but since this happened to me it’s just Worse. I feel like my brain just didnt know the depths of pain i was capable of feeling yet. Kinda like all my negative emotions leveled up. I have two specific memories of watching a person experience something awful/traumatic on fictional tv show and was so overcome with empathy for these fake characters i got sick. The first time i wasnt even sympathetic towards the character, he did something awful and was facing consequences, but the empathy was unbearable. 

Is this a common experience? Im pretty far into recovery and i dont notice empathy being so painful anymore, not sure if that’s because ive acclimated to higher levels of emotional pain or if it eased off as ive recovered more.

**if there’s any sort of language im using that i shouldnt be let me know. I was only able to seek professional help long enough to get my diagnosis and have been on my own since so i may not know acceptable language for this community",5.855676088617265,7.602947060606063,6.873048128342247,69.98839572192516,67.57142857142857,10.630099312452254,35.66615737203973,10.718039707386858,4.4518880061115365,1005,51,164,30,17,336,144,231,0.193,0.693,0.114,-0.9761,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,2,9,11,0,0,8,1,23,8,2,1,2,32,36,14,0,4,10,0,3,2,0,2,6,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,7,2,0,2,7,6,0,2,13,5,21,5,25,18,6,25,0,0,1,0,4,14,0,7,11,112,30,1,0.1114616457554883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927450182748409,0.0,0.0,0.0757977412964282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054000195178053,0.07793657432458673,0.1142056280043947,0.0,0.09922449596356976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794598470295304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244280592425828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131312241926096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063221870241098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311190258271627,0.2507586982951065,0.0,0.11516967564143644,0.0,0.0736193658016827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806175472364311,0.0,0.0,0.1127167142834103,0.07962822199881073,0.10702065944547627,0.0,0.0,0.09480921893941023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823410949746735,0.0,0.06334622191747842,0.0,0.17829212065156436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856516523384028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747103916392484,0.11776534840967533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079540866073865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837692166000589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397708454253197,0.0,0.1089090599418688,0.0,0.0,0.09864004900016553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537996449108746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477160425116853,0.4744121988567253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732400979759627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133965649183064,0.0,0.0,0.1302926991784091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766066755454171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161724085178426,0.0,0.0,0.0788931265556769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505128203015336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998836398167274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888183189253776,0.0,0.0,0.09626707461000182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358893945964225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,annabelle_squirts,2020/03/09,I keep hitting my spouse when I am sleeping How do you guys deal with this?,3.938125,4.031941562500002,3.9250000000000007,95.42,70.875,6.4,28.5,3.1291,0.5602,59,2,14,0,1,18,15,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264659563307162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5056316875267199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538962775508489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5110267728985916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cannicaterpi,2020/03/09,"what makes life worth living or enjoyable to u tell me what makes life worth it to you, reasons to give life another chance after chances

what makes therapy worth it when I've been on for 2 years, ive seen at least ten different psychotherapists.

what makes friends and family important to me when I feel nothing but hurting

what makes my wellbeing important when I loathe every part of myself and how 2 years of effort to recovery does completely nothing. Nothing. Nothing but worse.

what gives things a meaning, or anything to have a meaning

These are what I deal with, I have a shit load of disorderly conduct.

- dissociative amnesia, memory loss
- bipolar, derealization, depersonalization
- bpd, separation anxiety, paranoia, delusions
- ptsd, mdd, bulimia, ocd, i starve myself all the time
- self loathing, shame and guilt

Childhood & adolescence trauma 

- domestic, verbal, sexual abuse 
- ive been raped three times,i still have sex for money
- my family is broke as shit, hates on my illness
- my dad threatens to hit me or even kill me when i cry or open up to him since young
- my parents shoved me into hospitals and an asylum multiple times involuntarily, they tied me onto the ground one time when I try to fight back my dad

I'm heavily addicted to weed, meth and getting high in general, I cannot stand being sober.",8.682262059973926,8.829400720338985,8.440000000000001,66.88596479791396,60.864406779661024,12.346284224250324,38.06910039113429,11.807384569943707,4.778289178617992,1054,47,175,30,13,339,154,236,0.294,0.644,0.062,-0.9976,2,0,1,0,3,1,40.0,0,1,1,2,9,14,6,2,6,0,11,10,2,7,1,26,26,18,1,0,6,3,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,4,0,4,0,1,12,0,3,3,2,27,2,25,21,3,26,0,3,1,2,13,10,2,4,15,104,38,0,0.0,0.12825345420716389,0.0,0.11800379082644555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728417088547158,0.0,0.0,0.1135050547213394,0.08280766433149045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907698809018101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323426180527548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633167001567276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134935571442494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890281878576392,0.0,0.11159656379954903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309371773150008,0.1240589503369414,0.0,0.0947265416541648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149526405805272,0.0,0.09120167097321412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408882495731226,0.0,0.05473227841406037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363035941905438,0.0,0.05655391065066497,0.2076782780735155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687021871934674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114367525307395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587926079894813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975782927870315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22937141765999355,0.0,0.0,0.09558293638359032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361274226951178,0.0,0.0,0.2358226015504837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154586747776323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335008784082925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019403999908278,0.11721954479349915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653343085962676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129460804775076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292387276406896,0.0,0.22222531133823786,0.08954196174238932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644515596463502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461151305146538,0.0,0.12378839182522068,0.0,0.0719136333320448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935681473497992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349172496592674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031161613939994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941336384088365
ptsd,determinedtobeok,2020/03/09,"Did my therapist gaslight me? I can't figure out why he'd want to but he's  put me through a living hell for months.
At first I thought he was the best. That lasted 2 sessions then things started getting strange.
I kept feeling judged and when I would tell him he'd explain it away as me over reacting and misinterpreting his intentions. Fair enough. I'm in a vulnerable state with ptsd and thought maybe I was that oblivious to my own actions and started trying to be calmer. Especially with him because he's already making my ptsd into bpd and I just started getting triggered. It became almost an endless cycle of feeling awful and guilty about how I was behaving and questioned everything I did. But every so often he'd be incredibly kind.
Anyway he ends up telling me he can't handle my kind of trauma. Apparently to much for him. He offers to find me someone who can work with me.
Anyway I keep being patient thinking I'm learning some lesson about self control while he works on my core values and whatever. No. I was wrong. I had a meltdown and emailed him. He replied like we'd never had that discussion and sent me a link to some clinic he had no idea about but guessed they may be good because they're site mentioned complex trauma. Does he think I can't complete my own google search now. Anyway I search for trauma therapists and there's his stupid ad telling me how he specialises in trauma.
I think I just had to vent. But he seems to have been fairly flippant with my internal pain and struggle.",3.4948731608320682,5.828521856164386,4.145585996955862,84.60316844241504,75.30136986301369,6.517706747843733,28.96549974632165,7.526774132740827,1.861558954845257,1210,53,222,16,27,384,168,292,0.179,0.7070000000000001,0.114,-0.9725,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,1,6,15,14,2,1,6,1,26,2,0,7,1,59,48,23,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,18,0,3,17,0,0,3,6,9,0,1,15,2,41,5,31,23,7,26,1,0,0,0,35,10,1,8,13,148,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789520120634485,0.0,0.12992416743704194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061647620863672,0.0,0.0,0.14354106365159314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235562533938954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828387255440145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234435414851799,0.0,0.1320504919015347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303122105487736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427879996068401,0.1216523523373286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919732483131648,0.0,0.1058131698437556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906131856273068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760820971006728,0.10014584518890814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302398816668425,0.0,0.0,0.09875103927110886,0.0,0.0,0.12969904217586165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329091668478541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464881505691423,0.0,0.24520702924622986,0.0,0.0959702317696681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751966938773179,0.0,0.10396269594181888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858943035064386,0.0,0.11828123963405912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093975436386158,0.0,0.08654921626636247,0.0,0.09080495649299512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252789843485516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752532428202937,0.11835680148776985,0.1318908222917941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071820726535006,0.12282391285437685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975699577227326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500016009064352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308281714378827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087183236710097,0.0,0.0,0.27340022299071304,0.07821830421872622,0.2263206645557639,0.0,0.18693783783012655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993474720435689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944351005999362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623807061480893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142584485128493,0.0,0.0,0.08363599555960499,0.12872540126418666,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Hot_stuff_69,2020/03/09,"I have PSTD and I love my boyfriend but it's difficult to feel it. I've struggled with PTSD from relationship trauma for two years now. It hasn't been pretty. Almost everyone I've ever loved has betrayed me. Point is it's very difficult for me to feel love. That being said I never mistreat him. I'm a very controlled person so I don't let my disorder hurt the ones I love. The problem is I find it hard to feel love for him sometimes. There's not too much wrong with him. Sure he's insecure and could use some more self esteem but he's still so nice to me and doesn't carry malice in his soul. He actually helped me gain closure from a past relationship by personally revealing to the guy my ex started dating that my ex had lied to him about the time he really broke up with me. (my ex told the guy he was single a week before actually breaking up with me. Needless to say that guy soon broke up with my ex). What my boyfriend did is a really big deal to me. For too long I have felt like the people I loved got away with hurting me and I was doomed to just get kicked over and over again. But my boyfriend helped me find some justice for once and that means so much to me. I do care about him. I feel it much more when I'm around him. I know that my inability to feel a bond is due to my PTSD. I've struggled with that inability for two years. It's so odd how PTSD makes emotions go back and forth. Like I know that I feel love but I just can't properly experience it? It is real, and it is valid, it just sucks I can't submerge myself in it. I used to be able to do that. I was actually making a lot of progress with my PTSD when I was with my ex but then he betrayed me. It really sucks too, my ex was really nice when we were dating but all of that turned out to be a lie. I found out a lot of stuff that he kept hidden from me and it's like he was this whole other person suddenly. It was freaky. Its set back a lot of my progress. I felt a bond with my ex but I can't feel that with my boyfriend. And that really sucks because realistically my boyfriend is so much better. Like the fact that my boyfriend has visible flaws tells me he isn't faking his feelings for me. It's not all a mask. I think my brain is just too scared to let someone in because I've been hurt so many times. Its so weird how my actions are separate from my subconscious. I never isolate or mistreat my boyfriend. I compliment him everyday and I never miss an opportunity to cuddle with him. He's actually trans (FtM) and I go out of my way to find ways to validate him. Like he's dysphoric about his breasts because that's just where his dysphoria is and in his other relationships his partners really focused on his breasts. I go out of my way to tell him I'm not interested in them at all. And I legitimately am not interested in them. Since he's not comfortable with them I actually dislike it when he wears clothing that's more feminine and makes them more apparent. I want to see him in clothing he is actually comfortable in. You know, guy clothing. My point is that I do care about him. He's a lot of fun to be around and I LOVE his cooking. Holy fuck its good. I just know that my brain is too scared to let him in and that sucks because I want to bond with him.",1.5354533321060373,3.457686023564065,3.2846223766568516,90.4099306194772,79.78055964653902,6.835797128129602,22.538682805596466,7.865858978985527,0.9260598122238588,2546,81,576,44,64,848,238,679,0.16399999999999998,0.664,0.172,0.8782,1,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,1,1,4,6,39,51,5,5,20,0,48,16,5,8,9,108,102,39,0,4,19,7,11,5,1,0,0,2,0,9,43,38,1,2,21,1,0,4,15,24,0,3,19,14,104,27,84,75,19,64,2,7,1,12,78,27,5,8,33,388,147,0,0.053878973793714036,0.0,0.3154686377235429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395200945276495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592741936438563,0.0,0.0,0.050621069466555466,0.08285921019358489,0.0,0.13137648935237414,0.0,0.04584703832451981,0.0,0.0,0.04765157389217683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120293507200502,0.0,0.0,0.10986640925611964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042985053178265,0.043017976402281416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055546856163519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617499718229772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060606593606315186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873661642587763,0.0,0.05148366839259061,0.0,0.052703974934749966,0.0,0.0,0.217942624257022,0.0,0.10346452838670543,0.0,0.147733217842633,0.0,0.0,0.059075513785775476,0.0,0.0498102430780715,0.028149540034580225,0.0,0.09186198734521804,0.04519112694756991,0.04309193728075891,0.0,0.0,0.21339461958387929,0.0,0.0,0.048264977610193736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222788082780437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303566739283655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118441899760524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528470334869338,0.0,0.13161272531760213,0.0,0.0,0.04768119633500836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322390715631884,0.389023019395276,0.0,0.10789390015317672,0.054624822787497126,0.0,0.058689997623764215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842898053024007,0.0,0.12466435836926135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737934867082585,0.036509787041422236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051433577019061066,0.03735289643309117,0.14113512512331608,0.0,0.0,0.10186609091686444,0.0,0.0,0.05481428618893138,0.0,0.05155490140623319,0.2519265484360609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061326067785756624,0.2070975015733557,0.0,0.0,0.17353756263417858,0.0,0.0,0.05125124223867307,0.042846722504421314,0.10788450406096273,0.0,0.04293456637933734,0.0,0.05620752023440534,0.0,0.0,0.04456924389211274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04565147965153536,0.0,0.0532876827637758,0.0,0.038135814964747015,0.0,0.04302781806996777,0.0,0.0,0.1126520035771774,0.06167853456226061,0.0,0.0,0.050780295169112005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418519581521173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03452347086940205,0.0,0.0,0.06283452580468879,0.0,0.0,0.05148366839259061,0.0,0.0,0.05860485175075944,0.1052638569507352,0.0,0.0,0.09306826855020504,0.0,0.08891159208484667,0.06355842939921663,0.12829986461295176,0.04321846284771773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015395011160076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890819978042155,0.0,0.06939258526321397
ptsd,chechcs,2020/03/09,"Is it normal to want to confront abusers? On mobile, I’m sorry if it’s frustrating for anyone. 

I have only recently started doing trauma work for sexual abuse, and so I haven’t really learned a lot yet about my mental illness as it can be difficult. So even just reading a lot of people’s posts has been really helpful :)
My abusers were mainly family members who I still have to interact with and hear talked about. While my immediate family knows about the abuse, extended members don’t. So I hear about my abusers a lot from them. 
Going through trauma work has helped me realize that I really want to confront them and kind of come out about my abuse. I don’t like keeping it a secret and constantly being triggered by people talking about them. 
My family is latín so family means a lot. Coming out about my abuse would cause a lot of drama and contention. But at the same time I think it’s an important thing for safety of other children within the family. And it’s also really difficult for me to understand what happened as I loved and still feel love for these abusers. I want to understand, however I don’t know if it’ll be helpful. 
Are there any people who have confronted abusers that can share with me their experience? Is it normal to feel this way? Am I selfish for this? 
Any advice or comments are appreciated, thank you:)",4.055101604278075,6.226650925490197,5.219081996434936,78.28905080213906,73.07843137254902,8.714795008912658,27.27718360071301,9.339509955726095,2.6596274509803925,1066,40,188,26,22,352,133,255,0.21,0.665,0.125,-0.9798,1,0,0,0,9,0,25.0,0,1,4,2,18,15,4,0,10,0,25,3,0,2,0,44,48,19,0,8,5,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,18,13,0,1,11,2,0,3,4,9,0,0,2,4,26,6,36,41,7,18,0,0,0,2,21,5,0,8,9,144,44,4,0.0,0.715041961484784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552528477665177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362378958316947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119928030348673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046886354171984064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688838666270286,0.0,0.11552373995214693,0.0,0.07246253910109299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04428913753020347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559257160031241,0.31606702052224755,0.0,0.06780995742748581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03810885225607126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929643798465056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115152037844087,0.0,0.1348364838876569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596014875318834,0.0,0.06982737304957058,0.07370325293431355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03275964334604708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28503844501099895,0.12103935369887026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304245791944426,0.0,0.0,0.06757558067313564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139915498196647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050998282835658035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946230071640098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422007082432056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670730588658501,0.0,0.17182837685410332,0.0,0.06620863687848406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506248507361707,0.04746181244789069,0.0,0.1071002800473295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779239791437843,0.0,0.0617351546444123,0.0,0.0,0.04454830454718519,0.0429660805982109,0.0,0.0,0.03910025892656402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396130581993127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865217480274184,0.05322506867432194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976335503559185,0.0,0.0,0.04763388619213134,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,amonthetop,2020/03/09,"Is what I'm feeling ptsd? I'm going to say that 6 months ago I attempted to kill myself, I didn't really harm myself, I wanted to jump infront of the train, but during that day It was bad, I wasn't able to talk and couldn't think properly, I got sent to the psychatric ward and got better with meds, but whenever I recall that time I always end up having trouble to breathe and start crying, and start to stutter, It happened once when I had sex (embarrassing) , and it kept reoccurring every couple of hours where I just had a hard time to breathe, crying and unable to think clearly and feel suicidal,  It didn't stop until I went to the hospital after 3 days. They didn't  tell me why It was happening, but i was given meds. 


Lately I've been feeling the same way again. 

Is  it ptsd?",8.129321880650997,5.7007004493670905,8.522983725135628,74.15917721518989,63.493670886075954,11.560216998191686,33.96383363471971,9.957137785484203,3.055588426763109,613,18,123,10,7,205,95,158,0.18100000000000002,0.731,0.08800000000000001,-0.9606,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,2,4,7,1,1,5,0,14,3,2,0,1,23,33,12,2,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,2,5,0,0,4,5,6,0,0,16,5,15,1,16,16,1,23,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,16,75,25,0,0.141529134269421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545703815052567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776357737471807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817091543907875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517101801820044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659929514195794,0.31092621659759306,0.182549166381254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535280489008346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192443997234956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468414828388505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804342685454911,0.0,0.2263875552154458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25030749205461056,0.0,0.12678230515037495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937768838229192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658101778334724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596510280310829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144139254277856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296720470714974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507239089856734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308799684655357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066718747359373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254964813454464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003500993647051,0.0,0.0,0.11832469350436348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480990178272935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375575709743747,0.12370270150058045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137230908774649,0.0,0.0,0.16505355267929614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347755028553196,0.11233923914411713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119892538747435,0.1277080302295195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dookmiester1,2020/03/09,"I (23m) experienced my father (55m) having a seizure and hitting the floor, and now I am experiencing extreme moodswings. Can I prevent these things? (more in post) I'll try to keep this short and simple as possible. But my father had a seizure about 2 and a half weeks ago. I was not there in the same room when it happened, but I knew SOMETHING was wrong when i heard the ictal cry (Google if you are not aware of what this is, but it's pretty much a loud groan, all of the air escaping through the larynx as the seizure starts. I heard the ictal cry and turned the corner and saw my father, stiff, falling to the ground from a standing position, and watched him hit his head, as he was already half of the way down when I saw him.   


It was only me, my sister, and father home at the time. I of course helped him in the moment during the seizure, keeping him on his side, calling 911, etc. He is doing alright now (this was his first tonic seizure, not a diagnosed epileptic as of yet) But, weeks after, i cannot stop thinking about this, especially late at night.   


i get up and our of my room every time i hear ANYTHING loud from in the house, since it is typically only me and my father home, while my mother works. I am CONSTANTLY checking up on him, worried that i will walk into another seizure in the moment. I have a grave feeling in my stomach every time i leave my room to check on him.   


Also, a days ago, I woke up and strictly remember having a dream about the seizure experience, like a replay of that day. And that day, i have never been so sad/angry (i think i suppressed my sadness and ended up getting very irate) which is super abnormal for me. Punching my desk getting mad at games when I never do. Getting mad at friends for saying silly things (I attacked my friend for buying another iphone and supporting apple)   


I don't have a license, and I have to get one now, since my father cannot drive for 6 months. This is giving me a ton of anxiety, especially since I am being forced in a way.   


I'm sorry if this is such a dumb question, but is this ptsd of some sort? I somewhat have talked to me mother about this, and she realizes that it has affected me badly, but i dont know if she knows how bad. I haven't been working, and she has been giving me a bud here and there (marijuana) to help me sleep.   


i am sorry if I am very all over the place.  But is this just, general sadness and time will heal things. Or is this something that I need to talk to someone about, and perhaps find a way to seek help. (money is tight)",5.1896470588235335,5.078900435294121,5.847843137254902,83.41529411764706,68.17647058823529,8.447058823529412,29.94117647058824,7.908726449838941,1.820223529411764,1962,66,409,21,30,640,239,510,0.125,0.779,0.096,-0.956,0,0,2,0,0,0,74.0,1,1,0,4,21,17,4,0,33,1,45,6,3,2,4,66,74,44,1,5,16,9,2,1,3,2,3,6,5,0,26,21,0,7,10,2,4,3,10,10,0,4,15,13,66,7,56,54,9,72,0,3,3,0,42,31,1,9,34,293,92,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377266397562395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571545898323457,0.06936283928553394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190075705319014,0.0663528900483086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137643169020769,0.0,0.0,0.09867485167205182,0.0,0.0,0.14484206497608276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856727040059155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373092601177097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905510975347118,0.16781285471183366,0.0,0.0,0.08803533025485698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016540800072304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768224526456509,0.0,0.09673369512417447,0.0,0.0,0.14615783442659927,0.0,0.0,0.08484456316129747,0.0,0.0,0.04385638552928614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927523713210834,0.07377769453219853,0.0,0.0,0.13402421353219604,0.0,0.2265801991578707,0.16641036867397424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670045944356113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901627666283746,0.0,0.0977579046284388,0.0,0.17441216733144652,0.0,0.1740067893887164,0.0,0.0,0.10008183051270077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419008738428785,0.0,0.0,0.09533580017083317,0.0,0.09784211491319894,0.09184102135960064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237488424683187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923193894014816,0.0,0.06376102401109006,0.06431372973963824,0.13379247695223956,0.0,0.0,0.08139596762464818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058774635812128335,0.13193344684010197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062077862446104,0.0,0.0,0.09778193655616814,0.08306922144292192,0.08824181046033068,0.0,0.0,0.101389876082657,0.0,0.09716429853169983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825510933060566,0.0,0.0,0.06897603944069967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152470302175836,0.0,0.0867987541053553,0.0,0.07349122819477437,0.13354739669475904,0.0,0.1941879575839688,0.06139226814466803,0.0,0.0,0.0725152753583835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842711466190712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943040637105664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287086083072706,0.11115399961208228,0.0,0.0,0.20230610309550026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888812811582055,0.09434398547892704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431327561109709,0.0,0.2065412709423972,0.13914895813293449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628984849551148,0.08808473436406199,0.0,0.0,0.09483232494657412,0.0,0.0
ptsd,silentmemer69,2020/03/09,I can not see anything that resembles a gun So once I see anything kinda gun related I will just freeze and my Hart rate goes up as I get flash backs of me shooting myself with a BB gun and having to be awake during my surgery.,8.134375000000002,4.893337020833336,8.27416666666667,78.48750000000003,64.20833333333334,11.266666666666667,36.5,8.841846274778883,2.908425,179,6,39,2,2,59,38,48,0.18,0.794,0.026000000000000002,-0.7351,0,0,0,4,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,7,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,5,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6113659294702839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856326472379035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940744455521977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955967048043036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5920169320605511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,fracttallz-,2020/03/09,"Do I have minor ptsd? I know this isn’t near what some other people experience, and I’m not trying to say it is but it does effect me. I’m only 18, and I’ve been in about 9 wrecks in the past 2 1/2 years with only one being my fault. 

All the time when we get close to another car in the position that a wreck happened it I’ll get a little flashback, and I’ll hold my breath and close my eyes. It’s like a moment of panic when everything is actually fine. Everyone always looks at me like I’m crazy like “are you okay dude calm down”. 

Especially this one road next to my house I have to go down a lot. It’s a 2 way, and my dumbass friend sped through it one time and we got hit by a car going 60mph. 

Is this anything like ptsd?",-0.18024264705882231,1.7085241374999995,2.461838235294117,94.17580882352941,85.75,5.764705882352942,16.911764705882355,7.048011613610866,-0.14060294117647046,562,12,136,8,17,195,100,160,0.11699999999999999,0.735,0.14800000000000002,0.5122,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,1,0,1,3,10,0,1,9,1,10,2,2,1,1,19,22,9,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,12,11,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,2,0,3,2,3,13,8,16,18,3,25,0,0,2,0,5,11,0,2,13,76,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.15735148779511784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416843959067662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907904162614484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326905820556359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110625221727816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407614291897734,0.14491626595330795,0.15772817726433427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457719223287905,0.0,0.16848731603187986,0.0,0.1832780651020337,0.0,0.12896205135377162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258808358021474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860546405788687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861582539116444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151039031851023,0.16160946817195432,0.0,0.0,0.13540486900635987,0.0,0.0,0.13708440844734593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148548100598893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277905795235743,0.24526759658988626,0.0,0.18918581766173506,0.0,0.0,0.15392623352308715,0.11178671584503844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37697266039715105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822819247959952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804606743063215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947451155543116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798847280947026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038362476718054
ptsd,TheBlackDahlia_x,2020/03/09,"How to stop your traumas from ruining new relationships? Hey guys. 22F here. I recently got into a new relationship and I’ve got some questions. 

I have a lot of traumas concerning abandonment issues, loss of my fiancé by suicide, abuse I had in previous relationships... you could say that I had a pretty messed up love life. 

I’ve been dating this guy for a month now and things are going great. Insanely great. Like, “he could be the one” kind of great. But my traumas always resurfaces and tell me I will mess things up and don’t deserve to be happy. 

I get panic attacks and often cry when I’m with him, he knows about my past and wants to help me but I also know he needs me to be okay and leave the past behind. 

Any advices ? 

Thanks a lot for reading.",2.155391498881436,4.463780154362421,3.489369127516781,87.73790156599554,79.67114093959731,6.389440715883668,22.68501118568233,7.554174236665415,1.0188734675615216,589,19,118,9,15,192,100,149,0.184,0.665,0.151,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,19.0,0,2,0,1,7,19,1,1,7,1,12,2,0,1,0,25,23,12,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,4,9,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,10,0,1,5,1,16,9,18,12,3,15,0,3,0,1,17,4,0,5,11,76,20,1,0.0,0.1425965114161885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176058157394095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624482424552913,0.10014185315074947,0.0,0.0,0.08184295414737666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691688308109573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218130639996506,0.0,0.13220015991938966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287854323752942,0.0,0.0683983697551953,0.0,0.19251172404014813,0.3980629227591507,0.0,0.2383332515856007,0.0,0.12811610774249765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066888343481142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256154016575822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532727170017546,0.1322837621161559,0.0,0.0,0.12743456078690432,0.0,0.0,0.08500762332703359,0.058797525141268875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20463660070688386,0.10862167159477036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606319268509847,0.0,0.0,0.08923890197004779,0.0,0.23247190944275664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155309892299964,0.0,0.0,0.14120622128635427,0.0,0.0,0.22977770808908055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244045408667475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482090599878171,0.0,0.12038378511353655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883230688167865,0.387636498572414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570811779770014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061900585201863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164469691064484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051922677977477,0.1108032303331822,0.0,0.0,0.15991200080815798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098626560467171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Revolutionary-Growth,2020/03/10,"What is your heart rate and blood pressure? Your resting heart rate, for example when you browse reddit?",5.050000000000002,8.351025111111113,2.9977777777777814,89.60000000000002,75.66666666666667,5.822222222222222,25.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.3231333333333335,84,3,14,1,2,23,15,18,0.131,0.8690000000000001,0.0,-0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Uncertain_Apple,2020/03/10,"Help please Hello Everyone,   
After some years in an abusive relationship I went to live back with my family in an attempt to break free. I've been diagnosed with PTSD and OCD and some of my behaviours are compulsions and ""abnormal"". My family have told me if I don't stop all my compulsions (it's a mental health disorder, not a choice) I have to leave in a week. I can't do that. I'm on a waiting list for therapy for trauma and OCD but it's ten months long.   
I'm on a low income and only earn about £1100 a month so it's difficult to find somewhere to rent. I can't share a kitchen because otherwise I just won't eat and I'm scared of people. In order to heal and recover, I need my own place to focus on my wellbeing and managing my conditions but I can't afford it. I work from home and I can't earn much more. My condition stops me from working in a normal place like a shop etc.   
I'm not entitled to any council help because I lived abroad in Europe for a while.   
I don't really want to be on the streets but I don't have anyone to turn to and I can't sleep in hostels, I get too scared of the other people. It would be too traumatic. I can sleep in my car, but I will lose my job if I don't have somewhere to work from.  
I don't know what to do. ",1.1266451414514125,2.6899720258302606,3.574635608856088,89.54591405289055,79.66420664206642,7.616297662976629,22.36177736777368,8.472884824447931,1.2332618696186954,973,30,225,21,24,339,137,271,0.152,0.794,0.055,-0.9741,4,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,7,6,9,0,2,14,0,24,7,2,0,1,33,36,18,0,6,9,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,3,0,8,12,2,3,2,1,3,2,13,6,0,1,3,0,31,4,38,28,7,30,0,2,0,0,6,16,0,4,11,147,39,7,0.0,0.14724658292371673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451185246328208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689657710319487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556047210399626,0.0,0.15151483240725486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613739096216114,0.0,0.0,0.1424309125328598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716523940465696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386004446824838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187509184735736,0.0,0.0,0.23431245788779856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358589274104645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492901221071724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209943725494225,0.0,0.0,0.1665989906215771,0.0,0.1246588293566606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332462381691067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829876746089335,0.0,0.0,0.13159020116200454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071491213522271,0.0,0.2194757381826918,0.10998023325618188,0.0,0.13903290877965613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524084586992767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839162581389067,0.0,0.09135706301721848,0.09214898210660093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176396527124053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451739839493198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231447942882872,0.0,0.2596836644914718,0.13641758472556972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527184031705948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961430389239613,0.0,0.0,0.13342577426902902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488436497689253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24873123892237914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078003822358478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212028685358996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187509184735736,0.0,0.0,0.13517645866532454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330112736275986,0.0,0.09968660583869962,0.0,0.0,0.11520497555078922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27142293806556544,0.0,0.0,0.08828201162829277,0.0,0.0,0.08002958503679944
ptsd,compostabowl,2020/03/10,"Invalidating my own symptoms I have PTSD from a sexual trauma that happened 9 years ago. Never had intensive treatment until this past year, where I was hospitalized for 36 days and participated in the partial program and intensive outpatient for months, which ended in November. Before this, I never shared what I was struggling with, with any loved one or professional. Just silently suffered for years.

I feel embarrassed that I'm just now experiencing horrible symptoms, and nothing recent even happened. I almost wish something new would happen to me so I can feel more validated in feeling like sh**. I feel like I don't have an excuse to hate myself and my life and want to end it. I don't feel like I have a right to feel suicidal.

I'm really really struggling to find a reason not to end it these days, and to top it off I feel selfish feeling this way when nothing even happened recently.",6.026272727272726,7.740560915151512,6.7931060606060605,70.84965909090909,67.12121212121212,9.621212121212123,33.14393939393939,9.928628108626363,3.5944848484848486,721,32,118,17,12,238,101,165,0.18,0.6940000000000001,0.127,-0.9105,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,1,3,5,0,10,4,0,1,2,28,28,10,1,3,4,0,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,10,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,3,9,16,5,18,24,2,27,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,2,22,81,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509162122918463,0.0,0.10741906824647712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294976289149109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128197797696774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836526384754985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850378492513555,0.0,0.0,0.1417064727153756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43392625902799575,0.2299089582986553,0.0,0.0,0.09804617579383587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794469497474652,0.0,0.0,0.1059105238127559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577055386477713,0.15722546536889162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681866044873086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562480670429437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547210944688526,0.1036055629311914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058639272733464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269140381695076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240484045006804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539716024500075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374444985511293,0.11029518211081184,0.21183958231168584,0.0,0.0,0.09161111388183434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258449931422646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242914283100728,0.0,0.11733996561586205,0.0,0.0,0.22299680048981488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632727801477972,0.08514883290206557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233594073092813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620412555346452,0.0,0.0,0.2072421470802137
ptsd,toxicbruisedknees,2020/03/10,"DAE have ""penis envy"" as an adult because their brothers were treated better by abusive parents? I  don't mean just literal envy of having a penis but that's a big part of  it too. When I was younger I believed I wouldn't have gone through any  of the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse if I was a man. That may  have been true in my family but men still go through all sorts of abuse  without it being acknowledged.

What I'm referring to is the sense of adventure and freedom that's primarily related to boys.

When  people think of little girls, they think dolls and doll houses, pink  dresses, those fake kitchen toys, easy-bake ovens, hair bows and what  not. When people think of little boys, they think about running around  the streets freely seeking adventure, making like-minded friends, having  real hobbies at young ages.

I  grew up in a very conservative family so I was heavily encouraged to be  feminine (since that's my only worth, duh) but I was a bit of a tom-boy  since I had 3 brothers. Most of my childhood was spent playing with toys  alone because the girls in my neighborhood thought I was weird.

I  did have one male friend but at the age of 11, I wasn't allowed to see  him anymore. I always wanted to play with the boys in my neighborhood  because they played sports, rode bikes, and just ran around discovering  the city. Of course I wasn't allowed. I wasn't allowed to watch most  movies even though my brothers could.

I'm  in my mid-20s now and I crave having a better sense of adventure. I see  men around me get lost in fun, even if they are going through hard  times. I on the other hand get sucked in the exact thoughts I try to  distract myself from. I worry that because I'm not a man, I'll always be  consumed by my worries more instead of having a wild sense of adventure  that leads to the type of fun I seek.

Does anyone else experience this?",5.6231446465133095,6.289592764542942,5.730750331205587,81.9316138745032,67.33795013850416,8.715933999759121,31.20811754787426,8.716276077567194,2.3770415753342164,1472,56,283,22,23,465,197,361,0.114,0.711,0.175,0.9785,4,1,0,0,2,0,42.0,0,0,5,4,17,21,1,1,20,1,30,3,2,5,3,48,53,18,0,5,11,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,11,13,11,1,1,9,7,2,8,8,5,0,1,19,7,37,16,48,28,6,36,0,1,4,0,24,18,1,6,10,181,50,2,0.0,0.37003310990308597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781873351952542,0.0,0.0,0.17324314124664322,0.0,0.0,0.07079322989985233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324164859608134,0.0727908474500597,0.10666525335568426,0.0,0.2780197312334809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538395278580508,0.0,0.0,0.11728780238352696,0.0,0.18414029904604992,0.11365290358929026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311732847477364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110074790405896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696423156162708,0.11710123464213112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375173613128612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183216327083036,0.19627703353038287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085857580183585,0.0,0.10877845780509153,0.0,0.11832763284998928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325533958964456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201202401836618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085919439531395,0.20867598972399726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364011212964445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948918792764984,0.0,0.0,0.11339807723776114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511378942955332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054250840829858,0.07917459763428425,0.0,0.0,0.11559344135567727,0.11273279920476866,0.0,0.14434305013700205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184913691092322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591233503415548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722292303947877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313634408625142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668185636169709,0.10228012000732598,0.1652914200523884,0.060702970683995036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067872417002742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589541655124623,0.06140231707220925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035103849620376,0.0,0.0,0.2114421647590156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,goofygooberyup,2020/03/10,Seeking advice on how to deal with ptsd triggers Any help would be greatly appreciated. Right now I hear that grounding is a good technique as well as journaling.,7.258620689655174,8.92215365517242,6.747758620689655,72.51060344827587,64.17241379310346,8.558620689655173,38.63793103448275,8.841846274778883,3.6466413793103456,132,7,21,2,2,41,28,29,0.0,0.6709999999999999,0.32899999999999996,0.8832,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165824501517033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031259924289276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340017095867668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717329962690859,0.0,0.3571811326090488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36514086759537984,0.0,0.21715212473320653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787068417528199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27667098313759897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29129043591794146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301409669924199,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bean_masters,2020/03/10,I can use a stove!! Last night I was finally able to use a stove to make soup without flashbacks! When I was a kid one of my parents’ favorite punishment was the stove and I haven’t been able to use a stove without having an episode until now because of it.,3.05745283018868,4.265251301886797,4.049198113207549,89.63153301886793,73.71698113207545,6.809433962264151,30.23113207547169,7.1686216300943375,1.620022641509434,201,9,43,2,4,65,35,53,0.083,0.856,0.061,-0.2677,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,6,0,7,0,0,4,0,7,11,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,5,0,8,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,31,6,0,0.45078004270779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739566502279052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469037514159851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837229498088443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504495894359237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151326670185408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527301116089997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502689456027917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.583993835411952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345358750469727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Unusual_Table,2020/03/10,"Requesting advice for anxiety around men... Hello humans, 

Below is a non-graphic summary of my current predicament and I was hoping to gain some advice!

I work in the live production world in general - concert/theatrical touring shows specifically - and I am 26 years old. This interest of mine began in high school when I had the opportunity to participate in our school's theater program for which I built sets, hung lights, and operated audio. This was also my first co-ed experience as from age 4 to 18 I went to an all girls school. To put on theater productions, however, we would work with the all boys school across the street. While I did well in theater back then, I was often ignored by the other students and teachers as they all came from the boys school and weren't sure how to interact with me... I think. Even when I became a vital participant in making productions happen, I kept to myself because I was also put off by the social dynamic of the boys.

I pursued this in New York City where I went to college during which time being the only woman on a production crew was also the norm. In 2013 and 2015 respectively I had a violent experience as it pertained to men wanting access to my body. The earlier was while working at a music festival, the later was during an off campus Black Student Union event. At those times I was eager to put those experiences behind me and forget about it however still fell into a sort of social anxiety/paranoia from 2015-2017 at which point I left New York City taking the freelancing rhythm of my life on the road. I was based out of Maryland that summer yet traveled to festivals all over the country for the job I had. Then I spent the next several months out in Virginia where I attended a great church with a female pastor and a congregation that consisted of about twenty women and two men. The community there was a big catalyst for me pulling myself back together.

After that I applied for and accepted my first permanent job in a management position at a concert venue in Washington DC but in the eight months I was there received progressively unnerving approaches from one of the male staff members. That compounded with my desire to get back on the road touring prompted me to quit. On top of all that, working with the same large group of men day to day made me more paranoid than working with men in passing on my typical 1-3 month gigs. However I assumed that it might've just been a symptom of the overall environment of that workplace.

Currently I am on my longest tour yet: an 11 month contract that began in July 2019. By this point I noticed the overwhelming pattern that I am only able to feel relaxed around women. I'm responsible for all the logistics of the tour unit. I'm the one who dictates who rides in each car and who is where on each bus. For all of these I've made it so I'm only with women whether that be in a car or in a certain area of the bus. However my fellow managers are men and recently I was forced to change the car assignments due to a change in our overall production schedule. Because of this I share an office with them in each arena or theater we go to. The crew, as per usual, is also mostly men. While things were mostly fine from July-November, since December I've been developing a growing sense of anxiety around my coworkers for seemingly no good reason. This culminated two weeks ago with me having a panic attack from sitting between two of them on a four hour plane ride during which they were asleep most of the time which resulted in lots of accidental physical contact and being breathed on.

I've been averse to physical contact my whole life but since college it evolved into more of an acute fear. Because of this I modified my wardrobe so that everything but my face and hands was covered at all times creating a bit of a buffer or even a deterrent.

My main frustration now is that these men are not doing anything. They are of no threat to me. Yet my body is reacting as if they were constantly. Due to the nature of my job I'm practically living with these people. Because of all this I'm searching for methods or strategies to make these feelings stop.

Any advice would be appreciated!",7.920466630817947,7.4357247967377695,8.141203620720564,70.49286177331662,62.63864491844416,11.404779829121107,37.1694150684113,10.813802987103665,4.090152799187429,3361,145,588,76,42,1103,368,797,0.062,0.862,0.076,0.6719,10,0,1,0,0,0,64.0,4,0,6,12,32,26,4,3,59,0,43,9,6,8,11,91,69,42,0,6,11,0,3,0,1,2,3,2,0,18,41,37,0,3,7,4,1,20,4,8,1,9,33,7,66,18,135,30,23,135,2,1,1,0,42,61,0,15,52,433,107,23,0.0670344621514564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965159017600804,0.05942200606926415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442974065454232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045585732972645565,0.0,0.10256236012894533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055163650644307935,0.1790246503382463,0.0,0.07626137810644781,0.0,0.15463609081218602,0.0,0.16345434374457982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731842708959098,0.14892035122505207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666956651678465,0.0,0.0,0.14182714500751775,0.0,0.0,0.07244043915675556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646336493000123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855126006793464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024625217465731,0.19671770066676675,0.0,0.07543240661021701,0.06778927644799958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403895852291593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03502273972874232,0.0,0.038097229650459176,0.056225326424126636,0.0,0.0739057311744211,0.0,0.0,0.059278353495821924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082558971037574,0.0,0.06658034633050906,0.06601544215507096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956408029437694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728331392677465,0.0,0.09469684612428178,0.0,0.0,0.11838531641602958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056990302546116665,0.0,0.12685925782639038,0.08949204803445304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111297097448245,0.0,0.0,0.2140250725728752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948460252809954,0.07129191098746622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631917946085673,0.07034139161767869,0.0,0.0908485728386864,0.15294818746420827,0.0,0.07865049795300398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647325562988821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673846837223984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021644485146904,0.0,0.07129940193311887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892259166560276,0.06618844427679191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33921227248202845,0.0,0.06102565670436068,0.0,0.07572986163009626,0.0,0.1109031996134057,0.0,0.0,0.1366663846290646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053533808066097914,0.056043811963136535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317918725747454,0.06967447321250117,0.05040157299614665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044534718009050685,0.042952976613705285,0.0,0.0,0.1563533358295156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964487871009792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382898950235113,0.0,0.03953866257995505,0.0,0.05377100208147359,0.0,0.0602720319894241,0.12428323600787587,0.0,0.07484158305344615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24400943411425616,0.0,0.0,0.09523871719943254,0.0,0.0,0.04316799581436472
ptsd,ccatmarie95,2020/03/10,"The way men look at women I want to start by saying I am not gloating here. I am an average looking woman. I’m also not here to play the victim. 

I hate how men look at women sometimes. For example, when I’m walking around the store, I’ll see a man (sometimes even with his significant other) check out me or other women. And it disturbs me. It’s so obvious their thoughts are sexual. Every time a man looks at me with those sexual eyes, I get triggered. I end up having an episode soon after. I hate it. Why can’t men control the way they look at women? DAE have this problem?",1.3287853107344638,3.463992923728817,3.5450000000000017,87.16094632768366,81.62711864406779,5.967231638418079,22.545197740113,7.1686216300943375,0.9076926553672312,447,15,90,6,12,153,78,118,0.153,0.82,0.026000000000000002,-0.9415,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,9,6,3,1,8,0,6,1,1,3,1,15,20,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,7,5,0,1,1,1,2,1,3,5,0,0,1,8,13,1,14,19,0,16,0,0,7,0,14,7,0,1,6,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029337926590814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450403698247356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827374889819519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430575596095296,0.0,0.0,0.10761233844976037,0.0,0.13727377908534036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512310086239054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217151317236352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6840919894234814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589999221878334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956680204672136,0.0,0.0,0.12983243846619513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222797096543463,0.0,0.1153212031076099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934654990253638,0.09500456616950836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609909415497353,0.2586491597533061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701708398718846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,youngpancakeflipper,2020/03/10,What do I do if I can't afford therapy? I know I need to get therapy from a professional but I don't have health insurance right now and so i can't afford it. What other methods can I use?,-0.745000000000001,1.2563792619047618,3.1383809523809525,87.52328571428568,89.71428571428572,7.1695238095238105,20.304761904761907,8.238735603445708,1.269241904761905,147,5,34,4,5,55,28,42,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,6,11,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,11,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,26,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745306740935889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550863172947405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358865349784925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476985775158378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852823285175328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7640451817265457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885174611527657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ziviklas,2020/03/10,"I feel like a fake and like my PTSD is not valid. (Sexual assault trigger warning) Writing this on my phone and it's hard to tell how  much I am actually writing. Sorry if it's super long.

TL;DR History of sexual assault. I feeI like a fake because people have had it so much worse than me and yet my ptsd runs my life. Feel embarrassed by my lack of experience with men which is a consequence of PTSD.

I have struggled with this for a long time and I have avoided posting about it because I have been afraid of people confirming these feelings. I have been on medication prescribed to me for PTSD for a few years now and this has been my only way of allowing myself to feel valid. I don't tell people about my PTSD but when I have to I feel like I need to somehow slip the fact that I am medicated into the disclosure so that I will be taken seriously. When I say ""have to"" I am referring to situations such as the time I signed up for a self defense class and I needed them to know not to get on top of me in any way (will make sense later) and that I needed a female teacher. I needed to mention the PTSD for context. 

A little background: I have always had a fear of men and I can't really pinpoint when it started or why, but it was always more severe than the unfortunately common intimidation that many women tend to feel. I remember feeling this way as early as 7 or 8. I would avoid men in general. Experiences such as being cat called and followed in my early teens made it worse. 

The experience which really caused my PTSD happened just after i moved away from home for college. I was at a friends house one night and fell asleep on the couch. I woke up in the middle of the night with a guy 'friend' straddling me and giving me hickeys and trying to take off my clothing. I told him to get off me multiple times and he didn't. I curled up into a fetal position until he gave up and left. It felt like he was on top of me for hours but I'm guessing it was more like 15 or 20 minutes. Nothing more happened, he got off me and fell asleep somewhere in the apartment, but it left me anxious and depressed for months.  I felt dirty and guilty. I couldn't look men in the eyes and any romantic attention from men felt even more threatening than it did for me already, even if I knew that they were probably very nice guys. Because of this I have never had a boyfriend. Never slept with a man. The first and last time I had sexual contact with a man was when I woke up to someone who I thought I could trust sucking on my neck and putting his hand under my blanket. I am nearly 25 now. Its embarrassing to me and I am afraid that, at this point, if I manage to move past the anxiety of male attention that I will scare away any man with my lack of experience.

That was the first one. The second event, which blew everything up, was when I was jumped walking home at night. I am a runner and a lot stronger than I look as a small woman and managed to get away. It left me so traumatized, though, because I tried really hard to get help and no one would help me. The security guard at my apartment building told me to stop talking and tell the female security guard who was only going to be working 4 days later, and the police laughed at me when I described what happened. (Might sound unlikely but I was living in another country at this time and this isnt uncommon behavior there).

At this point I would physically start to shake if I was hanging out with a man and he got touchy. Panic attack symptoms minus hyperventilation. 
I would feel my body go cold and my muscles seize up. There was a situation when I was trying to get over this all and had been on a few dates with a guy. He kissed me and all was fine until he touched my thigh and I started having a panic attack. I was so embarrassed and humiliated because he immediately left the room to tell him roommates. Yes, I know, I found myself an asshole.

That left me with really unhealthy views of men (even more than before) and I genuinely believed for a very long time that men did not feel love and that any appearance of love was purely a form of manipulation. These experiences along with an unfortunate mother (who would tell me things like ""all men cheat"") caused me to be so scared to fall in love because to me that would mean being a slave. It took me a very long time to realise that men do feel love. People will probably be wondering this: my father is in my life and he is a good man. One of the most honest and loving people I know. No issues there.

Anyway, here I am years later. I have been through therapy, take antianxiety/antidepressants and have managed to cut down my PTSD meds to ""as needed"". So, Prazosin when I have nightmares, and that's all. I still get incredibly uncomfortable with men touching me and i am terrified of sex and it stops me from pursuing men I like. I am so worried that they will not be patient with me and that i am embarrassing. 

It's also hard to know when to bring this up with a man because I dont want to scare him off but at the same time I dont want him to scare me off by going at a pace I cant handle. 

To bring it back to my post title....I feel like a fraud. There are women who have been through experiences infinitely worse than mine and yet here I am complaining about it. It's so hard to like life. I really dont like life right now.",3.954249437713123,5.060829089385479,5.121621079107111,83.18610716099545,71.42085661080074,8.149053181455416,26.98343369851749,8.536943546015529,1.7633898909284378,4198,140,863,69,77,1390,388,1074,0.16699999999999998,0.735,0.09699999999999999,-0.9977,1,2,0,0,0,0,99.0,0,0,3,6,44,58,8,17,54,1,91,22,8,8,8,156,166,84,0,21,18,2,21,11,2,12,7,2,4,25,58,60,0,9,27,1,0,20,17,30,0,8,48,28,126,28,150,97,19,148,0,1,4,7,75,64,1,14,70,611,184,6,0.0,0.0,0.038316829511167716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332973828257048,0.03140008630481121,0.06534300117033741,0.0,0.0,0.106805777611993,0.041172618719285035,0.03003750272554174,0.04435810412824023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933887051140546,0.11067185709347664,0.030192245923348057,0.0,0.16754841652871968,0.0,0.03341149529948657,0.044238039978172015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361439664792485,0.0,0.0,0.04009380185421743,0.0,0.0,0.08067163376221646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03134978766097436,0.0,0.0,0.025322579906304744,0.0,0.033818757711288415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805433507371948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780218919387187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0352887153069564,0.2304513454063032,0.0,0.04418387245184128,0.21838836692722385,0.08415244991123652,0.11310124045702605,0.0,0.0,0.06679732258780759,0.0,0.04305188128395563,0.06067185131395113,0.0,0.12308558095606542,0.03766642190689571,0.06694535722593797,0.032933493214974144,0.0628073748062297,0.0,0.043254658958683606,0.11663512393148433,0.10416533136275953,0.0,0.14069437254710196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052636802484129434,0.0,0.0787716918844226,0.0,0.03866796788154563,0.045306365022137966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04098230200098093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631573863288268,0.03200609330448387,0.0,0.0,0.21330687169388496,0.0,0.11093569882682734,0.21101104565984027,0.039353694878297735,0.03467158185556446,0.13899262638904286,0.06594516967585565,0.0,0.0,0.033381571288067645,0.17719030032968694,0.03715335039023724,0.02620959222632544,0.03980839496940095,0.0,0.042770932461400464,0.04361439664792485,0.07911041087001744,0.0,0.04165380080532187,0.0,0.0,0.0313408286073931,0.08346464305028341,0.05772836514346433,0.14557194350823774,0.060566945737916926,0.0,0.0,0.11054220536257413,0.0,0.03767568248884117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642751398555132,0.05972537543073754,0.0,0.09213768262190497,0.0,0.0,0.03748274217069916,0.13610651518671518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423594941411157,0.0,0.0752097448561399,0.0,0.0846682985257164,0.0,0.3671880669502541,0.039472019206221176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577034150268018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044479420748180384,0.03353196730263617,0.0,0.031224984641794132,0.1572438583624932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04096180182490118,0.04435810412824023,0.0,0.0,0.08827067291311505,0.0,0.0,0.033268979928331194,0.0,0.0,0.043953784838528916,0.08337558863133478,0.0,0.03135695987635966,0.06565434541389288,0.0,0.04104814646209786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04081121332211898,0.05904456115635271,0.03155959904945215,0.17159604754546204,0.0,0.04490277786311726,0.0,0.02608582158008592,0.0,0.038577515699891804,0.03117190491989888,0.1831651980403744,0.0,0.0,0.07503849353686175,0.0436246930159092,0.07997476707464532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719284002552313,0.046318851614433415,0.09349983074365356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03543041980711973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425810548251525,0.028585278392774974,0.039875361067359824,0.1200427097127798,0.16735573696968928,0.0,0.0,0.05057055201537661
ptsd,bluewary,2020/03/10,"Is it valid to want to tell anyone and everyone about my trauma? I just feel like I want to just shout it out to everyone I feel even slightly safe with, nobody beloved me for so long that I just want anyone to agree that I went through something. I feel bad about this, it makes people uncomfortable.

I don't even remember what happened, I don't recall about a year and a half, and I still feel like I'm lying to myself and others.

TL;DR
I feel like I'm invalid because I don't fit the average PTSD stereotype, I'm worried that I'm faking.",3.626148648648648,4.685665702702702,4.704132882882885,86.0491722972973,72.15315315315316,7.351801801801803,26.487612612612608,7.645422480735847,1.3599450450450448,427,14,88,5,8,140,62,111,0.188,0.6409999999999999,0.171,-0.5998,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,20,19,5,0,3,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,6,14,4,13,18,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,55,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393867822133107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292857368836462,0.10435004863450552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261262217460559,0.0,0.0,0.3271406217129213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327700403790134,0.3668741666449336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137435759868076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25089044815576184,0.0,0.0,0.15148936254992454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142643181069496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186750103811408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010085298531374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391414554241185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178311792591482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367049745467004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961930878829893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029000956701778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868604559254032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738421148366363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023463456491868
ptsd,Lalagirl53,2020/03/10,"DAE ever feel the urge to contact their abuser? I’m always paranoid of the day I may run into him in public again. It terrifies me when I’m back in my hometown because I dont want to see him. But sometimes I get the urge to try and contact them him on social media, even though I know it will trigger me and hurt me. I hate it and I wish I could purge my brain or anything even related to him.",2.609333333333332,3.2781457176470603,4.372647058823528,88.94524509803922,74.17647058823529,6.607843137254903,25.93137254901961,6.42735559955562,0.8588431372549024,306,10,68,2,6,104,57,85,0.19899999999999998,0.7709999999999999,0.031,-0.9303,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,7,2,1,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,1,14,13,7,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,18,0,9,10,0,10,0,1,1,0,10,4,0,2,5,49,21,0,0.0,0.2741908593943989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255717060715186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904361646062169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794510032129876,0.0,0.14106942682081114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583374878517907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476734471977574,0.0,0.0,0.1492445786663698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712185612916585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056969968706226,0.209329586390262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701119901787772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090563532404044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284760071022577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477362836023836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718052516968964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440908871260628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359001064593485,0.0,0.0,0.2288769596798248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273656593415324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711669795836722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364955213703379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661176982785452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Practical_Raccoon,2020/03/10,"Showering Does anyone else find showering hard? 

I went through/witnessed a traumatic accident back in November that has absolutely nothing to do with showering but yet I struggle. Something about it has become aversive to me and I just can't seem to get over it. Is this my depression kicking in? I also struggle with skin picking which has become worse since the accident so I don't know if that's part of it too?",3.132179487179485,6.038485294871798,4.279743589743589,79.81525641025644,80.66666666666666,8.082051282051282,31.743589743589745,8.841846274778883,3.4102205128205134,335,18,57,9,9,109,58,78,0.32799999999999996,0.672,0.0,-0.9814,3,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,2,0,7,1,1,1,0,10,11,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,2,7,0,10,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845906752395345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472934226545094,0.2158388148434208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619790960231145,0.0,0.0,0.4652992096472047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143505510012667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843437936944016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597348793087664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925329565884777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005745861238712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870364379795454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576933819214323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021271622882848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281165891314308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177051078965104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425427587860526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217091276237994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404403484414722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952773713463212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467332653121826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IceNinja3299,2020/03/10,"im really fucking tired of this feeling i snap at people and it feels like my life is going downhill. i cant help but think its my fault and not my ptsd. i sleep in a call with my girlfriend every night because if i dont ill have really bad nightmares/flashback things. all of my relationships are going downhill because i will yell, scream ARGUE whatever it is. my mom tries to compare my ptsd with her dad leaving (because my dad left), but its so much different.",5.076666666666668,5.788994782608699,5.78130434782609,80.92384057971016,68.56521739130434,8.307246376811595,31.63768115942029,8.344100000000001,2.3669942028985504,368,15,70,5,6,120,65,92,0.205,0.735,0.06,-0.9465,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,0,7,5,1,0,1,12,13,6,0,1,4,3,2,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,4,14,1,7,12,2,6,0,0,0,1,9,3,1,1,2,44,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481509660831589,0.32448852144289864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118115998087544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538200076944347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795271265778675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949679414263126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794331194091191,0.12675972997512538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403596725502656,0.0,0.0,0.20168100664922195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893106279163733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166044534776294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787823886293845,0.19278384517343836,0.0,0.12532771692377792,0.08668586767064962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078099414912027,0.0,0.0,0.13043527523933476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651089917637385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301121451214905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148244667784256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273390430521067,0.0,0.0,0.19049898295791368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756332426835195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788005113905076,0.11369330055641147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393564074547466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046684190298255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Donated_Aids,2020/03/10,"Found out i have ptsd after 5 years of misery Like it says. Haven't been able to hold a job more than a year. Never had a problem with drinking til 5 years ago. Now if alcohol touches my lips it takes 1 and 1/2 weeks of a binge to stop. I have 0 friends. Don't make any. Don't want any. Haven't had sex in that long, no matter a gf. I've always been someone people liked. Ditching modesty for a moment I'm not drop dead but I'm good looking. I just work and go home. Never leave the house. Lost my job AGAIN. More time at the house unless I lose it. Found out from a therapist at a clinic from a couple of visits. But after losing my job I have no course to take for recovery via no insurance. I can't kill myself no matter how much I want to. I have a little girl 7 I'm struggling to raise on my own (my niece. My sister died and she had no one. Being a loyal brother I made a promise). I had decided that I wouldn't be a good parent. But it doesn't matter now. I didn't see my best friends turn into pink mist or villages slaughtered. The Army turned me down. Yet here I am. I would never have guessed. But it makes sense. I've had horrifying hallucinations, can't sleep, estranged from my family due to intimidating outbursts, thoughts of suicide, and I generally don't see me ever being worth a worthwhile woman's time. I'm hurting and scared. I'm 33 and don't know what I'm doing anymore. My niece thinks I'm the sun and the moon. But I feel like I'm less than low. I don't know why I'm posting this. I just want to know if anyone else is out there.",0.16570335395636704,2.260554271084338,2.3395799413871714,94.27080592640834,86.10843373493975,4.794008466297624,18.611527189840444,6.099015368709567,-0.2405020514490395,1206,32,274,10,37,406,179,332,0.19699999999999998,0.6709999999999999,0.132,-0.9791,4,0,2,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,0,5,10,19,1,2,19,0,31,6,2,4,4,54,64,18,5,8,12,3,2,3,3,2,2,1,1,2,9,12,2,2,9,1,1,2,21,9,0,1,13,7,31,10,32,46,6,37,0,5,4,1,11,11,0,4,25,163,40,4,0.09889850891560648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766756095911576,0.10569242907364472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229148201215035,0.0,0.0,0.1345087548739792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808074602218968,0.06915213693866028,0.10133320966911097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378788355380866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942931903541543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264103819351823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688288768171986,0.0,0.0,0.0826170138195041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945936336065646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323271246374204,0.0,0.05000605767543508,0.07065311453016572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168742207008471,0.15281748531967795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056206301733771495,0.16590275414087324,0.0,0.0,0.10894785748702486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920326813388296,0.0,0.0,0.2282312018412565,0.1058728992617704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29442452942541353,0.0,0.10941654708197388,0.0,0.1630561022416991,0.0,0.0,0.10471924112424247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449504476985647,0.09912228750396616,0.0,0.08752206823573107,0.08304983926315815,0.2212842684354147,0.10795940521375856,0.0,0.0,0.09358016040185314,0.13203104532134965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270178346125253,0.0,0.22882988092618736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701618915474318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981509030133202,0.0,0.0,0.06856377359850124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471743346825363,0.0,0.0,0.09463251649686064,0.11560706451079687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864806378517934,0.09901466040889692,0.0,0.15761861434524885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989699322359764,0.0,0.08379638566640144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826835818355322,0.0,0.10339019468702486,0.0,0.10817891687613766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871874126647866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482879145292785,0.0,0.06337017116635546,0.0,0.07851436900834573,0.11533703173886214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514635655686812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749987087913057,0.0,0.07933041838600287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924052161730463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199929236611785,0.0,0.0,0.0702546631968044,0.0,0.0,0.1910621916800025
ptsd,river1234454,2020/03/10,"I feel like.. I'm going crazy. I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest.. 

Ive been recently diagnosed, but honestly my anxiety and depression were the two that showed their colours. Now, I feel my ptsd is kicking in with textbook symptoms and I don't know why. I keep forgetting everything that goes on in a day, and feel like I'm in a daze. I'm getting triggered more often, by who knows what. One minute im minding my own buisness, then the next I'm having flash backs and running away. I can barely sleep at night. 

Unfortunately, it's now hard for me to keep a job. It's hard for me to even keep in contact with friends. 

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow, so I hope maybe I can put my mind at ease.",1.1389195402298815,3.2791232137931066,2.909655172413796,91.41919540229887,82.3793103448276,6.349425287356322,23.459770114942533,7.554174236665415,1.0250597701149422,546,20,120,9,15,181,96,145,0.124,0.7440000000000001,0.132,0.7440000000000001,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,5,0,8,5,2,1,0,24,27,7,0,2,2,0,5,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,7,6,0,3,5,1,0,3,1,2,0,2,2,7,18,5,17,25,3,21,0,1,2,0,4,9,0,3,11,72,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332621684433135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918181980860156,0.11391003572401713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553764198511756,0.0,0.12759222711735108,0.15035834790557948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162692811019585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784466043566986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133138118690321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471115815220635,0.2116615990297404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445211409844075,0.0,0.1547934190278796,0.0,0.0841910210160571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26540756596406523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713582558622312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001594647219722,0.0,0.14700547198372202,0.3950192508292326,0.0,0.0,0.162827053280147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474683220018453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882591405673676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991570790961437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754790653520132,0.1390187687464593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038307477100836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316700258869835,0.14892098882921226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462697617190217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180479026686196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824636006660324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958414300541047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397353278273593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471064444969098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737644187667765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367274485615308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tcc07,2020/03/10,"Just found out I recently began seeing a therapist who I absolutely love. 

Long story short, I was told that all symptoms which I previously thought were attributable to multiple other mental health conditions (violent intrusive thoughts daily, occasional auditory hallucinations, compulsive behavior, unstable relationships, severe self harm, and many more) can all be attributed to “severe PTSD” from years and years of repeated emotional, physical, sexual, psychological, and verbal abuse as well as deaths of those close to me, car accidents, bullying, and among other traumatic events. 

This is the first time I’ve felt validated in my life and am coming to terms with the diagnosis of PTSD as opposed to the other disorders I previously thought. 

I currently take Cymbalta and Adderall with significant improvement since beginning but feel my depression coming back and continue with severe anxiety and panic attacks. 

I’ve been having severe anxiety about this and could really use some guidance or advice from anyone who had a longer experience with this. 

TIA",16.951607843137253,13.384290670588241,15.52,34.256666666666696,48.17647058823529,20.745098039215687,55.392156862745104,17.879347455551382,9.88586274509804,874,46,106,40,6,289,123,170,0.209,0.7040000000000001,0.087,-0.9711,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,1,5,0,10,4,0,3,2,34,25,14,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,11,17,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,11,3,9,2,21,12,5,22,0,1,1,1,6,5,0,2,14,75,20,0,0.0,0.14297912302022206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792137289685213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463077347367213,0.0,0.0,0.08437816444345303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372842552400263,0.0,0.09279096482603047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790017263977145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963484813795666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393645988493673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830301906203454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574216511140524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804246439078425,0.0,0.0,0.06101647099422814,0.0,0.1158660985525048,0.0,0.0,0.1026453617669616,0.0,0.1323129657878388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827096775455507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523571378165422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679281643279187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891312270804744,0.0,0.0,0.12234463732060097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161115017568833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158510249662598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821232237195961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730694406876304,0.0,0.119151154931294,0.12955886523467272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961616657802612,0.0,0.12588944598539994,0.5453097183114762,0.0,0.0998228955514711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542663667666734,0.09073193513554917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401119774021235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28740536298552577,0.07036606142131183,0.0,0.0,0.11530931206732052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422371168256972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850054416695017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542037929887792
ptsd,melllpo,2020/03/10,"My boyfriend has PTSD and it’s hard to understand him sometimes My boyfriend can get really angry at times and he says super hurtful things, but it’s almost like a switch. One second he’s being really mean and mentally tormenting me but eventually he always comes to and realizes what he’s been doing and apologizes profusely. When he’s not mad (which is 97% of the time) he tells me he never means what he says when he’s mad and that he hates himself for doing it but he doesn’t know how to stop. 

When he’s talking to me like that I get really low on myself, especially because I think I’m already depressed as is and having someone else verbally confirm some of the things I think about myself is terrible. And I just want to leave when it’s happening but at the same time I can’t imagine not having him at all. I love him a lot and I hate thinking that his ptsd could be the thing that makes him ‘unloveable’ because outside of his fits he’s the best guy I could imagine. 

Anyways, this was partially a rant and partially asking for advice? Could anyone who maybe understands what he’s going through help me try to see better from his vantage and give me advice on how to talk to him when he’s upset? Really anything would help, just don’t tell me I need to leave bc honestly I just love him too much to do that. 

Thank you 💕",4.181437549096621,5.2699584477612005,5.1453809897879035,83.29576983503536,70.86567164179105,8.477926158680281,27.53809897879026,8.841846274778883,2.0229522388059697,1056,36,211,19,19,346,141,268,0.125,0.6920000000000001,0.182,0.9699,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,3,13,19,4,1,8,0,21,2,0,3,2,48,46,23,0,6,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,18,12,0,1,11,0,0,2,6,10,0,2,2,4,31,9,24,38,6,19,0,3,1,2,41,7,0,3,12,140,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044900326061173,0.0,0.0,0.10477366677277757,0.0,0.11546382961723628,0.0,0.08706206698743907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316101048695745,0.0,0.08610308339855527,0.0,0.09781663965202204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756518855181945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980465352552593,0.09253835352598637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013105944566893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506200141863775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011924449618787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740647045819187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933162850856233,0.10037238842723832,0.05946468196962733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360196492291716,0.0925255844231632,0.0,0.09372957063542424,0.2066045463032013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026502431168372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201054133794404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057502919091032535,0.0,0.0,0.22158000713333728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223565695032223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895424279798844,0.18886862887259695,0.0,0.06984256104715507,0.0,0.1051167397831542,0.2279494801509101,0.0,0.0,0.10544427805486392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691643639222949,0.07758317842896502,0.0806985200038966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090123797468692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446180272503561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681193260381833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641486652741694,0.0,0.0,0.08337802421985327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865421260874051,0.0,0.10348355832554076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747689754163902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819820806072314,0.182905667858606,0.09633093415168094,0.0,0.0,0.2085382218586056,0.20113156133010635,0.0,0.0,0.18303498985287286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103814643394303,0.0,0.0,0.21785085651081426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171456605619863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743274521719885,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,InsignificantTurtle,2020/03/10,"sometimes I wish I was raped Now before you start typing about how I shouldn't say that and I could never want something like that to happen to me, I want you to hear me out.

When I was little. about 6 or 7ish, something happened to me. And ever since then I still don't know if I can call it sexual assault, sexual abuse, or just a bad experience. There are several reasons I don't know what to call it. I was young but so was he. He was four hears older but I know that he knew what he was doing. But at the same time he only would have been 10 or 11 at the time. I never said no, I never said stop, and when I told him he was heavy or that something hurt or was going too far he stopped. But yet again, I was only 6 or 7 and I just thought if felt good. I remember him telling me not to tell my mom or dad, and it happened more than once. I enjoyed it at the time though, It felt good. No intercourse actually happened, but there was a lot of grinding and touching. He had me watch him ""do his thing"" and asked if I would do it too and when I said no he didn't make me.

The thing is though, I still see this person all of the time and I will for the rest of my life probably. We have never talked about it, but I don't even know if he'd remember it. This person has always been violent and has a history of abusing my parents and me physically, along with ""anger management"" classes when he was about 10 or 13, I don't really remember. That's another thing. I don't really remember all that happened, it was over ten years ago. I remember some of it but not all of it.

Now this is why I wish I had been raped. When I was in the fifth grade I started self harming. Not cutting, I hadn't even heard of that. Instead I would dig my nails into my skin and scratch until I bleed, this happened whenever I thought about what happened because I thought I did something wrong. After I told my friend (Who I'm still extremely close with to this day) about it I kind of just forgot about it every few months until when I started to hit puberty and feel sexual about anything. This was about seventh grade. I had just learned what rape was and then I remembered what happened to me and I wrote it down in my diary. The nexy day I blacked it all out with a marker.

In eighth grade I had a male teacher for homeroom who taught many of my classes. I would feel constant anxiety when he walked around the room because even the thought of him coming behind me scared me so much I was shaking. Now the weird part was he was my favorite teacher and at the time my favorite adult. So sometimes I would stay up from lunch and talk to him about anxiety and such. But at the same time, I was scared out of my mind that he was going to do something to me. Now keep in mind, this was the most innocent, sweetest teacher, nicest adult and teacher I knew at the time, and yes he was a history teacher, fulfilling the stereotype. But Even though I trusted him more than pretty much anyone at the time, I still was in a constant state of fear when he walked around the room. I thought putting myself in uncomfortable situations like seeing him during lunch would help me to trust him more and it actually did. Things got better, even though I never did tell him what had happened when I was little. in eighth grade a started to scratch myself more and a few of my friends noticed. It was on and off but by then end of the year I had stopped.

When high school started I was a nervous wreck. I was starting a new school where I didn't know anybody. So obviously, little old me began to think that the first friend I made there would be my best friends, so I told a lot of people. By a lot I mean like 7 or 8. Some of them I still talk to, but a lot of them I told because they themselves had been assaulted. So early into freshman year I had my first kiss, which led to my first make out session. Of course I freak out because there's this heavy weight on top of me and I hadn't control anything. My heart started to race and I had a hard time breathing. I was having an anxiety attack. That's when I started cutting. All of freshman year I was cutting on and off. Nowhere anyone could see though. The next few months things got better and worse all the time. One week I'd be fine and the next I'd be scared to go home because the person that did that to me would be back there. About February I had my first boyfriend. I told him about it and whenever I would start freaking out when we were doing something he would be totoally okay with it and just make sure I was okay. Truly a great guy. We broke up after about 9 months. I didn't have a lot of trouble with him sexually but when I did it was bad. We never had sex though. To this day I am still a virgin.

Now I'm a sophomore in high school and for the past few months as I've been pleasuring myself and such, I would start crying. It's not like any of the things I was doing to myself he had done to me, but I would constantly think of someone, him, another man, holding me against my will and raping me or forcing me to do things. What happened to me was not anywhere this close to extreme, and sometimes I feel like I just need to get over myself and deal with it because nothing really bad happened. But something did happen, and Sometimes I feel like it was my fault and I was in the wrong and I wasn't abused or anything and it was just kids being kids. But on the other hand I remember him knowing exactly what to do and how to make himself feel good.

I know he took advantage of me. But cutting since fifth grade and being in a constant state of fear of my eighth grade history teacher doesn't add up from what he did. It's not like he forced me to do anything. I've read so many articles, I've contacted Planned Parenthood and RAINN chatrooms asking them if I'd even been abused. They all said that's up for me to decide. Maybe it wasn't the thing that happened to me though. Maybe it was the fact that he would hit my mom my dad and me and that put the fear into my head. I don't know what caused it but I feel like I'm overreacting but I just can't help the anxiety and the tears and the thought of some man inside of me whenever I touch myself. But it just doesn't add up.

I do sometimes wish I was raped. It would make life clearer. It might cause more trauma but at least I would know it wasn't my fault. At least I would know it was assault or I would know it was abuse. at least I would have the courage to tell an adult and not have them judge me thinking that I was just some horny kid who messed around with a family member because I was such a horny child. I would know why I feel so exposed and preyed on. Because right now I have no idea why I feel this sort of... I don't even know if you can call it PTSD.

I know people who have been raped will tell me to never wish this upon myself but I really do. It might make my life harder, but I won't have to question everything I do and think to myself that I'm an attention seeker even when I never told anybody some of this information. If you still feel as though you need to tell me I'm a terrible person, go right ahead. I already feel guilty about this feeling.",3.0807051597051576,4.200551802702705,3.9288943488943495,90.85836609336607,73.54054054054055,7.003439803439803,25.27886977886979,7.348242739294969,0.9529445945945941,5588,175,1240,60,110,1790,409,1480,0.14800000000000002,0.747,0.106,-0.997,2,0,7,0,4,0,133.0,4,5,6,12,96,72,16,8,61,3,153,21,5,14,20,278,270,129,0,37,58,5,21,8,4,26,4,8,3,16,92,78,3,7,54,1,0,12,39,41,0,7,107,34,203,31,156,125,37,178,0,2,5,9,116,62,0,34,109,899,295,17,0.0,0.15933899847463293,0.05249395350932827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02384200870097902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02968081253060985,0.0,0.0223799340221765,0.0,0.0,0.01829045355532846,0.056406377053652576,0.0823025961034351,0.0,0.0,0.03761313381016094,0.0,0.08853368141804598,0.07183041356898863,0.05028894942269415,0.030598503157958017,0.0,0.02068164790853201,0.0673720351357434,0.13116621748611212,0.0,0.022886829407652336,0.0,0.02822608038451196,0.04757530617165829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239260126940116,0.0,0.0,0.05525996078304304,0.0,0.02316884073099207,0.0,0.11626168114653793,0.0301665654051891,0.04294912488839552,0.0,0.029544398906452427,0.052037799680831484,0.027728975907827653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02752432418771241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02382220008490589,0.0,0.0,0.14211838695323925,0.02432930603172022,0.02266135130927838,0.0,0.024172722591614505,0.026309810350207404,0.0253555034206216,0.09079767986830872,0.14959573804396487,0.057644315170296334,0.051649465210128837,0.0,0.0,0.09151215252425816,0.0,0.0,0.08312027333240514,0.0,0.014052242941301602,0.0,0.06114330638724541,0.06767819586519119,0.04302296739035052,0.029653342293069863,0.0,0.02663163441636698,0.3091968190426961,0.0,0.02409386405965261,0.0,0.027603434678878398,0.0,0.060628326322295735,0.03187232732277955,0.03605613900905158,0.05683498211616873,0.026979251574212482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028793119801453014,0.030362727294152424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023906728998358627,0.0,0.02800842987803569,0.20694157763745075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699310353016385,0.10512166027908287,0.0808716844158342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433165750009545,0.0,0.02544999511940909,0.1077212128492661,0.0545373941806864,0.054042036500527725,0.029298031293598963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057065595219043225,0.05431533174303807,0.06300140570505808,0.08587370201810736,0.0,0.039543852592596615,0.03988663431851418,0.16595310595004015,0.02597668123589815,0.057209188127755876,0.0,0.0,0.02580779190544737,0.030621694909396688,0.02822321530230418,0.028643755682884638,0.01822567603630476,0.04091180195734268,0.0,0.0,0.029865235325574675,0.02912614710381071,0.02567562804664389,0.0372931120433423,0.0939394895190709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02736327717023683,0.028998835389208562,0.0,0.031440416589740415,0.05407656028865269,0.030130089329590288,0.0,0.026903648009440274,0.0,0.06892201201323069,0.02765394739904772,0.0,0.0,0.21327840432849696,0.04593870513602563,0.10233842628996574,0.021389072543672963,0.08078387384682685,0.08166168549646415,0.06429877254840392,0.0,0.028058779237305844,0.030385241753771906,0.0,0.04449790952979813,0.030232646197851955,0.0,0.0,0.022789206569812703,0.14494297478945886,0.13300598572049702,0.0,0.1903738874563609,0.02866795117906305,0.15035632781472955,0.06745970764956775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025349509919905408,0.0,0.0,0.06485484889056893,0.14105167453289308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295002198744616,0.06893643011400215,0.2114043715506552,0.12811627803277287,0.15683489332761635,0.0,0.0,0.15420380188238098,0.029882856126815106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03172835114848002,0.0,0.021574645224742246,0.032752532090193166,0.0,0.0,0.07280936995174082,0.0,0.1237179900562189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02740969831093772,0.3630217743604219,0.05881391550500036,0.0,0.06928152042596665
ptsd,clownfemme,2020/03/10,"Running out of steam… And getting worse. (TW: csa) I was diagnosed a few years ago with PTSD for CSA and repeated emotional & sexual abuse. I went to treatment for anorexia. I’ve kicked all the stuff I’m supposed to. I quit cutting and drinking and staying up for days. I went to therapy off and on for 10 years. I take my meds. 

But the flashbacks are getting worse and more vivid. I want to bash my head in so I don’t have to see it anymore. I feel sick to my stomach all the time and people can’t touch me without me pulling away. I’ve lost my health insurance, I keep getting worse and can’t keep a regular job. I can’t AFFORD help but I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how long I can take this. It’s been so long and I’m so fucking tired. 

How do you keep yourself from just laying down on the ground never getting up again?",0.13983681112894786,2.3450922078651715,1.9022311396468723,96.52155430711613,87.59550561797752,4.96350989834136,22.521134296415195,6.42735559955562,0.38755612627073294,655,25,149,7,21,214,102,178,0.113,0.86,0.027000000000000003,-0.9196,2,0,1,0,1,0,21.0,0,1,0,2,7,3,2,0,6,0,13,8,2,2,3,27,33,16,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,11,1,3,3,1,0,4,8,3,0,0,5,4,20,0,24,28,4,25,0,1,2,1,2,10,1,0,10,91,25,1,0.0,0.14995763867194192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219134550302512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713203615688227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510349493879869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891103992661535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162330666612616,0.0,0.0,0.12845979119749465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398453209277288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236745979652027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399455890560601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700637433834145,0.2644978554772991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129891173011822,0.13453160872946032,0.0,0.0,0.08483317827376477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255952363069116,0.33748768317393163,0.0,0.0,0.1391125238939583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401030641547087,0.0,0.0,0.13815955181285847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058406709836418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976139556887281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774353852923973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794653775265873,0.0,0.0,0.1346163881965464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085511805194773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490037923952478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488549458232453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903207469406344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473695892137878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380048352858028,0.14546669441645474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746507236572365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346521834846948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200317513567199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869385719848963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300612697044575
ptsd,ptsdguy1235,2020/03/11,Ptsd from injury don’t want to tell anyone I feel like I have ptsd I’ve been less empathetic and more cold ever since the day I want to tell a my dr but I feel like it will harm my future career.,2.2812878787878788,2.627726977272726,4.075454545454543,91.96651515151515,74.68181818181819,6.775757575757575,16.939393939393938,6.42735559955562,-0.5122787878787873,153,1,38,1,3,52,33,44,0.146,0.657,0.19699999999999998,-0.1646,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,8,2,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,6,2,3,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,21,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298125910839968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954647039786932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237789603940762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501762404657685,0.3534717870598552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417251012162259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5783727435246794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046440601574326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324605758402531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918347702054465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Oatmeal_Cat,2020/03/11,"COVID-19 is triggering my symptoms x1000 TW: medical traumas

I just need to vent really. I have diagnosed PTSD from a medical trauma that (long story short) has resulted in me being terrified of hospitals/doctors offices/etc. I've been working to get over that with a therapist.

I know it's unlikely I'd get COVID-19. I know I'm probably fine. I know I could probably survive it. Other than my underlying medical history making me immunocompromised, I'm in the age range that has super low death rates of the virus. But despite that I'm panicking. 

I am shaking, can't focus, just crying in bed from fear. I had a nightmare last night for the first time in almost 6 months, I was doing so well. I don't even want to go to my therapists office for fear of interacting with someone sick. I KNOW I'm overreacting but the thought of getting sick and having to go to a hospital is terrifying to me. It's not the getting sick part I'm scared of - it's the going to the hospital. So because of that I'm making choices that are impacting my life - skipping work for example. I just can't get over the fear of leaving. 

I know it's irrational. I know it's stupid. I know I should go talk to my therapist. But the fear is just stopping me and I feel so stupid right now even saying that. How can I know these are irrational thoughts and yet still be so paralyzed by them at the same time?",2.065138309965896,4.511015117216124,4.030829859795379,82.93054945054945,80.97802197802199,8.01460149046356,27.36251105216623,8.841846274778883,2.543088770999116,1089,49,212,29,29,369,142,273,0.226,0.74,0.033,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,5,15,14,2,6,14,0,22,9,0,5,0,36,52,11,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,9,2,1,0,15,5,0,1,11,0,0,5,4,11,1,1,5,3,28,3,33,43,2,28,0,1,0,0,4,11,0,1,12,137,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550505122735424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058140180842816774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614978722143688,0.0,0.10476579889149178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680439340577696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762113646597327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636918895273233,0.12598958599115825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292970047787875,0.04822485229330088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112657662997927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24914950252063936,0.0,0.2168169797872592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193282073765017,0.077743977767349,0.0,0.10098916351816198,0.0,0.0,0.06736672312010926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440455035402086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732812692571055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28824314632846104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612802535078897,0.0,0.0,0.07071992093498476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950369412791076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328265874095736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566241107784314,0.0,0.11148916489839604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110015702670237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145038182796296,0.0,0.07584663609780112,0.0954877787823704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081157582353894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616720879638991,0.07973840983386225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913193812782084,0.0,0.07665942680056258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33221584129532256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514354070022677,0.1112287506376794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625509705080388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575426652729394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886938506987628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sapiopoetress,2020/03/11,"What is happening to me? Whether I'm sitting in my car or sitting outside in the cold alone, I’m smoking one cigarette after the other, then I look at the clock only to realize wow, I just lost so many hours, I wonder what I was thinking about in those hours, I can't even remember my thoughts and it feels like I'm losing time.",4.94029411764706,4.7676142058823565,5.963529411764708,82.58588235294121,68.70588235294119,9.15294117647059,33.17647058823529,8.841846274778883,2.6069588235294114,258,11,54,4,4,86,51,68,0.10300000000000001,0.804,0.094,0.1027,0,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,13,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,3,8,2,8,10,0,13,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,2,7,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570917813468838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639538057625394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255127239862171,0.17733581239993482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21950927965386366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4889137872060596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127281093123587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845097648353605,0.2777062679775079,0.27097275126663445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516666146861724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820731013393594,0.1887903676733014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28119659814219594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905598586047515,0.0,0.1970671711466956,0.14474511392187464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691952269326497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,shimzies,2020/03/11,"is it possible to be traumatized from a certain person? i’m just wondering, but is it possible for someone to get traumatized from a specific person? like not an event or an occurrence.. but just develop ptsd and have the same symptoms of it just by thinking about this person?",5.44735294117647,7.4732705490196105,6.50406862745098,71.14080882352944,69.0,11.374509803921569,36.27941176470589,11.20814326018867,5.035623529411764,222,12,36,8,4,74,37,51,0.109,0.804,0.08800000000000001,-0.2824,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,0,1,12,8,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,30,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594561362615445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777134141995295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6314614702771004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5435252527313575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817900727020881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425213380365856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25055704810054963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446361531343394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614228427316929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ACLNANMV31J2G,2020/03/11,"PTSD related youtube channel? Hello, I love the youtube channel DissociaDID (for disassociating identity disorder) and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard (for deafness, chronic fatigue and other disabilities). Do you guys knows a good PTSD channel? Like, feel good and informative and well produced? I'm considering starting my own if I can't find one, but I really hope it's already out there. Thank you for any suggestions :)",7.509607843137259,10.641935058823533,7.744705882352942,59.722843137254934,66.05882352941177,11.003921568627453,43.68627450980392,10.864195022040775,6.182286274509803,336,22,45,11,6,109,54,68,0.02,0.69,0.29,0.9606,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,2,8,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,1,0,13,9,6,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,6,7,4,9,1,2,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,2,2,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25509775616516395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720100844259352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649366027480265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688462512617614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21128180679156916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877826432752764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288909771462575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296002916503228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704295086778955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293617566018033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086366076506714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664426493242686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5404420594395353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809104869376002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362069425314105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282686736487416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078462622353192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sakurasangel,2020/03/11,"Side effects similar to personality disorders? So late November/December I was (finally) diagnosed with ptsd. I am so have mdd and autism. Recently, people keep telling me I have borderline. Which is incredibly frustrating because they're not my psychiatrist. I did bring it up with him, and he brushed it off because symptoms are similar to autism. 

They're main issue, I guess, is I am prone to anger. Part of it is my autism where I generally mask all day (act neurotypical to hide my differences further) and that puts me more on edge and prone to a meltdown. Its something I'm working on. However, I got my hands on a DSM V, and was looking at further symptoms. For PTSD it said that child abuse may lead the person to have issues with anger. I was like, ""wow, that's me!"" 

Has anyone else had issues with being prone to anger and not willing to trust people? I find that difficult mostly because my father (the one who abused me) is a narcissist. Has anyone had similar issues before?",3.896873401534528,6.327132510869568,5.048567774936063,78.1447698209719,74.43478260869566,8.677237851662403,29.845268542199488,9.325443323948027,3.052574552429668,778,35,138,20,17,256,110,184,0.157,0.83,0.013000000000000001,-0.9799,1,0,1,0,2,0,32.0,0,0,0,3,3,8,4,0,5,0,21,4,1,2,1,21,28,8,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,3,11,10,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,5,0,1,8,4,20,3,20,17,5,18,0,0,1,0,9,10,0,3,5,94,31,2,0.0,0.2991886632138261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656417028591376,0.12936559070839426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308959532280528,0.0,0.10743571820505256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142555532617811,0.0,0.0,0.12814856764044544,0.0,0.131912073772744,0.14470187855941072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547182735278188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830877179742096,0.11539694414079688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097954851163013,0.0,0.13908672177902184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.527119544899795,0.0,0.112223347066739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242380695046644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616829709667794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602438775597807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555525799822321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672442245747046,0.0,0.17506191902397555,0.22048612205155252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29517620608955275,0.12692352420662742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466391600134312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200996666314244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719908784916237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624594903508458,0.0,0.0,0.11035450190987628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191686533904826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,brandnew_bitch,2020/03/11,"I’m waiting on my doctor And I’m suicidal, but I want to live, but the highs and lows are so loud and fierce and jumbled. Don’t actually have a plan or means too, just so overwhelmed. I believe bipolar was a total misdiagnosis. Feelin’ like Harley Quinn. Just unlocked 27 years of trauma. Diagnosed Monday with PTSD officially. I was right all along. I’m leaving. My Abusive ex. Never stop advocating for yourself. If I hadn’t have visited a friend in the same ehospital I was in last year for bipolar disorder I may have never been triggered into an episode like this. So thankful. So grateful. I’m making it. Just need to sleep since it’s been 3 days lol but I’m on the ground.",0.8766541353383452,3.446222586466167,2.7959812030075177,86.86118984962407,93.812030075188,5.3667669172932335,23.943233082706772,6.961326702584282,1.281391278195489,536,23,102,9,20,178,90,133,0.12,0.675,0.204,0.9106,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,7,1,12,5,1,2,4,28,23,13,1,3,8,1,0,2,1,1,4,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,1,8,4,12,16,3,18,0,2,0,0,3,9,0,3,10,64,11,1,0.0,0.23345211041629896,0.1922759705433752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221988932285239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707010705903612,0.0,0.0,0.19998453979592715,0.0,0.0,0.22581710528753984,0.20167181843358375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222735342251167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817638254774973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060834708748098,0.0,0.20862969830199887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925209276883656,0.0,0.17398391611732208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315211839589712,0.0,0.0,0.2146269055915504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609761339347727,0.3039282848600961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032125454243496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826526723626636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298789041432826,0.0,0.1971754844829658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472856895906485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155223294993953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140168862004874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621528010327742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537658280635352
ptsd,whorerrible,2020/03/11,"Just got diagnosed with PTSD. I was having cold feet in the beginning but I’m so glad that I went and pushed through my appointment. I don’t feel like telling my friends about it (yet) and only my SO knows about my diagnosis. I just wanted to say that after getting diagnosed with it, things finally, FINALLY, make sense.

I feel hopeful again. But I don’t know what my healing process will be? Or where I’m headed with my therapy sessions after this. For now I’m being told to make a mood chart and start journaling. 

Anyway, if I violated the rules feel free to delete. I just really wanted to say that at least now I know why I feel this way. It just clicked. 

Wishing for everyone’s healing and recovery.",2.8542140468227406,5.1018229275362375,4.0268115942029015,85.09951505016727,76.97101449275362,8.014269788182832,27.282051282051288,8.841846274778883,2.2778633221850617,556,23,110,13,13,181,84,138,0.032,0.8,0.168,0.9655,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,15,7,1,0,3,0,7,6,2,2,0,28,29,10,0,5,8,0,4,1,1,1,4,2,0,0,10,7,0,0,7,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,4,8,16,6,16,22,1,16,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,3,11,73,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33575748043610626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804793837111014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33452727362342644,0.118162653063884,0.0,0.3623778680945469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778855978256007,0.0,0.08641530231751549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228645238926467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974935337661629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428071593251212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727005280270961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080667345314449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081317583399088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257950687753559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334515606797426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596024651248827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630673520054535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707182338521605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456794249937174,0.0,0.18915069143586669,0.0,0.10988521030006858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804793837111014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951158308310764,0.13128777680682818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533285730328756,0.14924885994379494,0.0,0.19020322160458705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Jules_was_here,2020/03/11,"Loving someone with PTSD My 14 year older live-in boyfriend of 1 year plus is a combat veteran with PTSD.  

Since the beginning of our relationship he has  withdrawn after experiencing any strong negative emotion.  An argument with someone at work or a minor disagreement between us, can result in no speaking, eye contact, touching or shared meals.  This week he caught my daughter’s cold (he blames her for not always covering her cough) and he has been withdrawn for two days.

I’m an insecure and anxious person still processing some issues from my previous marriage.  I find these periods of withdrawal very difficult.  It is hard to not see them as rejection but I am trying.  I keep telling myself he does this because he cares and does not want to react in a way that hurts the relationship.  I also feel like I am walking on eggshells trying to avoid it happening.

When we talk about it, he says he just needs space to “deal with his shit” and that the best thing I can do is leave him alone and not take it personally.  

Anyone else experienced this?  Can you help me understand his perspective?  He’s a beautiful soul and I want to make this relationship last.",5.2447718526663,7.2915243457943975,5.640907091808689,77.04111874656404,69.56074766355141,9.334359538207806,31.279824079164378,9.773937934552695,3.25830434304563,926,40,162,23,17,296,145,214,0.161,0.716,0.12300000000000001,0.1525,0,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,1,1,3,5,12,1,2,9,0,12,5,2,3,0,32,27,13,0,3,8,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,12,12,1,2,3,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,2,10,22,6,24,25,2,19,1,2,2,1,35,5,1,3,12,101,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880146860673186,0.0,0.0994522018580022,0.10347910001451732,0.0,0.0,0.0845703866189794,0.0,0.0,0.14049359874288253,0.0,0.0869567629543562,0.1274235082629056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580988690762976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051018793140584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679529041629514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020316581172375,0.1282117037710188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765995088579831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388844661549472,0.1398904485818002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288113565343302,0.08884419779588705,0.0,0.0,0.11366456400592745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997285655769616,0.0,0.11140387484138377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335718977003789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133132033397066,0.0,0.0,0.129801559512996,0.0,0.11053861010446923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137158290281073,0.0,0.1316813424764895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075696417900695,0.0,0.1098138751582828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224151006851198,0.0,0.08301256344983522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221280585094876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717610564946768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907449154732973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005545607855762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889760956271357,0.0,0.0,0.09910036834415883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765574860753784,0.10287348537551937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107429435272127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993156092949709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350470501475984,0.0999574200132951,0.10869782071848504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262054977272562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688671935791389,0.0,0.12148354900080055,0.1294651697873381,0.14959210660832314,0.0,0.0,0.10261162821379234,0.14670379360975386,0.09871272274584043,0.09975565025243596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905369765321267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017002941591352
ptsd,andreabbbq,2020/03/11,"I think I have ptsd? I'm not sure about whether I have ptsd. I need to book further therapy sessions, but everything in the past was for depression or other things, and turned out useless or triggering.

There's one person who causes my anxiety and ptsd. My ex. We split about two years ago after a decade long on and off relationship. It ultimately didn't work because she decided she was no longer into me (I transitioned from male to female relatively early in the relationship). We have a daughter together.

The first trigger - every time I get a call or text from her, or speak with her, my heart rate jumps. I'm basically in flight or fight mode. She holds so much power over me, either through taking my daughter away even more so, or hurting me financially (we're still working out settlement). Almost every single interaction is negative, with her laying blame on me for how her life has turned out.

The second - living alone. 

 My ex never wanted to live with me. But the thing is, it wasn't like her life living without me was good - she complained about her family, her parents, her brother - all the time. What that instilled into me was that I'm even more unbearable to live with... Even a situation in which they're yelling and screaming at each other every day, I'm the worse option.

This feeds into my current relationship - I'm seeing someone, she's a late bloomer lesbian with two kids. We've been together a little over a year, living separately. I soon have the chance to move back into my house, it has more than enough room. I asked her to move in, but she said unequivocally no.

And so I see history repeating somewhat. She's been complaining about the chaos, the burden, the stress of living with her family - a complicated living situation with her mum and nephews who were dumped by her drug addicted sister. She has the threat of said sister coming over (they don't get along). She's been actively freaking out over it all and lost for words wanting it all to stop.... 

I've given an option, But living with me is the worse option. It cements that view that I have gained of myself. It's not just my ex; multiple people feel that way. Even my daughter doesn't want to live with me besides weekends.

I just feel so worthless. So unwanted. I'm approaching my mid thirties and I'm just so fucking lonely during the week. What is the point?",4.4478813982521865,6.395287305617978,5.1674625468164805,80.03094413233458,71.4494382022472,8.090511860174782,27.192571785268413,8.761943790366164,2.15359800249688,1861,66,338,35,36,601,223,445,0.20800000000000002,0.774,0.018000000000000002,-0.9983,3,3,1,0,2,0,69.0,2,0,1,6,22,19,4,1,24,0,24,8,1,4,5,74,52,26,0,5,18,12,2,1,0,0,4,5,1,3,22,30,1,2,4,2,0,5,11,16,0,5,14,10,55,3,57,38,12,54,0,6,3,2,53,27,1,11,22,242,77,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799922863762524,0.0,0.0,0.06504471050853422,0.0,0.07347694893484671,0.07599694193075245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613357293830836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859804050073899,0.0,0.06894055984101641,0.05642275438791609,0.0,0.0447302320029209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492661328480019,0.0,0.0,0.0753788868405705,0.0,0.06320820351448969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047322405565626564,0.0,0.06319991778328997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509458338905479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581855401263624,0.0,0.19386053946313905,0.0,0.1854710801590739,0.0,0.06594694947452592,0.0,0.13834751932833236,0.0,0.07420371935951595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241484876134596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067836299782013,0.07667341167231634,0.0,0.0,0.06154555058680209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695266954827986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466776245607271,0.07855211218198037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277299586980692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036573712278475,0.03584853129818639,0.07354351398741378,0.5831429490271249,0.06493676257465629,0.0,0.0,0.08010018964799652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597730181640648,0.05394089224059337,0.05440847319003344,0.05659323774840552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049722480872808915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147701019593567,0.0,0.07004710946817902,0.05087070697868516,0.06407038703954239,0.0,0.0,0.06936543825159898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573230495377775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23633986495188525,0.0,0.0,0.1395975774402023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694470598565194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495872847873508,0.0,0.0,0.06217250243649922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058599351964320076,0.06134686063422035,0.08405365779119592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915740846138345,0.0,0.05517073457411992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391354565466767,0.0,0.09749747718383553,0.04701732765571204,0.0,0.0,0.0855739997587767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962725922914195,0.14335827562874584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298398202044901,0.05824362982418677,0.05885899005271589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073327423110197,0.0,0.10683936173284156,0.0,0.14955584608003222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945053853518864
ptsd,1225_1225,2020/03/11,"My thoughts are destroying my sanity and I’m scared for my relationship Anyone else with here struggle with being able to recognize what is PTSD then going right back to your intrusive thoughts?

My girlfriend is perfect to keep it short and the emphasis on the problem (which she is not)

I came from the worst relationship ever.  Abused every which way.  But the biggest thing I have intrusive thoughts about is of being used/plotted on/cheated on.  I don’t think she’d ever emotionally or literally tourture me.  But if one little thing seems off, my mind plays the most insane game of connecting the dots...only this time there’s no dots to connect.  I’ll eventually rationalize it once I hear from her or something will put my mind at peace...but only for a little bit.  I am seeing a psychiatrist and an trying to do something about this but idk how to make it stop.  

I’m just so afraid of finding out my whole life’s purpose was to just be used by someone I thought really cared about me.  And so my mind is playing very good defense against a lot of positive thinking towards the relationship I’m in which is a very good one.

I don’t ever project these thoughts onto her, but I let her know straight up when and why I have them once I’ve calmed down.  Because I’m aware I’m in a new relationship and Ik this mindset can get toxic af and I don’t wanna put her through that nor be that guy.  She’s very good at listening to me but I want it to stop.",3.3609374999999986,5.191744885416672,4.37263888888889,85.08625,74.10416666666666,7.438888888888887,27.972222222222207,8.212053250817874,1.8567472222222217,1149,46,231,19,24,373,161,288,0.08,0.792,0.128,0.9588,0,0,2,0,1,0,25.0,0,1,1,1,15,15,2,3,13,0,23,1,0,3,4,51,48,21,0,4,11,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,16,11,0,4,10,3,0,4,6,7,0,2,7,3,31,8,38,34,5,33,0,0,1,0,18,18,0,6,10,157,47,1,0.09182188723451516,0.10879392154678606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420399851959159,0.0940823744803729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060536345649539,0.0,0.05597377019821589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002457191997988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501977736641553,0.09361853364357764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670540445721306,0.1032872642506866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24917446171761656,0.0773639002406021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392354143860183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479731462713986,0.0,0.05218449455159666,0.2310475276571364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091810457871624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348994032479253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161551233490945,0.0,0.0,0.050462907874283855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389410082048652,0.06485651444955408,0.0,0.1840593069685829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806368494502396,0.0,0.0,0.061291822737678435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27814179188752536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868215086949019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955746263250911,0.1244417743184542,0.06983468289455498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786114526668996,0.1073348724608384,0.18461271609223606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882345219622905,0.0,0.0,0.3943293740314263,0.0,0.07841538999200781,0.0,0.0,0.0919297275794908,0.0,0.07317015590609231,0.08359119754939806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778003870805181,0.14137794960931874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353441847999344,0.0,0.09599217320665253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220047636336302,0.11767151546914367,0.0,0.3644816092993581,0.05354208085850266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234103408525904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930462904367261,0.0,0.22728802000331946,0.054158928113982034,0.0728839401297113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285497124821044,0.10251585794869884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,arnfden0,2020/03/11,"Sharing A Few Playlists I Made on Spotify to Help Cope with PTSD Hello world! Thought I'd share some music with you. These are playlists I've made to help myself cope with stress and help soothe and smooth the sharp rough edges PTSD can induce in me. So, I'd thought maybe this could help others out there. Anyway, see if you find anything to your liking. Know that you are not alone in this struggle.   


For Help Falling Asleep: [I Could Sleep for 1000 Years](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7JCXXiWg6w57zIEc8cH4JH?si=_WZ--fOBSAqlxGaqDTYXsg)  


For Meditation / Relaxation / Sleep: [It's All Here Under Our Feet and Above Our Heads](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3gaR7Jlw2TzDcRNUna0hTM?si=tu6MdHJ0Roe769tUboPpXg)  


For Morning Walks: [Raise Your Head and Wear Your Wounds With Pride](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6VViqArLp9yQMoOldwQK57?si=tbm2ICPSROGaMNNpwXv5Lw)  


For Doing Chores / Coloring: [To Color In the Emptiness of this Chaotic World](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0fgsdXmWRUzF6WEa6ooxNP?si=9kVVwwU3Qyq_MieNwM3a5w)  


For Smoking Medical Cannabis: [Hey Mr. Music Your Song's So good to Me](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0EneVlZBpd1kugRnj4tVYj?si=-UpTnl0eQ8KcpwD1mISZWw)  


Hoping this helps other people cope and somehow ease their pain. Enjoy! :)",14.152126972740312,19.53051710365854,5.72845050215208,71.17494261119084,54.79268292682927,8.0051649928264,29.15925394548063,8.841846274778883,2.8419516499282635,1071,32,122,17,17,244,114,164,0.085,0.6609999999999999,0.254,0.9834,0,1,0,0,0,0,89.0,2,7,1,0,6,10,0,2,3,0,6,9,6,3,1,25,13,8,0,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,9,10,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,7,14,7,22,7,3,9,0,0,3,0,21,7,0,4,1,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132357354741766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202342356888963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23331031181588746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335398438941957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254825541828282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994871185044045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5875977024168703,0.0,0.0,0.1451179709727349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029700277733315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138087039621885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765013868129582,0.0,0.0,0.14678488118055255,0.0,0.0,0.14718819492151775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546895593007734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129272275077156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415843008319684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642896653213873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924265506547481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673659432018355,0.15274355211116952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23198647899648214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,myfoodhasnoface,2020/03/11,"Anyone else feel that they will never find love? I feel broken and damaged. Whenever I tell people of my past, they run.",1.652898550724636,4.370680956521738,2.791304347826088,88.70550724637683,87.2608695652174,4.8057971014492775,16.36231884057971,6.42735559955562,-0.040959420289854886,94,2,17,1,3,30,20,23,0.342,0.6579999999999999,0.0,-0.8544,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,10,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526412658782565,0.3702119919883267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018340123452055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653854897907015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33023721629369873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32610272305882065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786699652258194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34491798554530617,0.2504917320296353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31580700674127515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LeagueOfStichy,2020/03/11,"Tl;dr best friend told me it’s my fault I have PTSD To make a long story....well, slightly less long. I was groomed as a child by a man who was 9 years older than me. I was 15 when it started. I continued a relationship with him for the next 4 years. When we moved in together he became increasingly abusive and he raped me. After that he started stalking me and harassing me endlessly, so I reported it. All of it. I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to even think about it anymore. But I just wanted him to leave me alone. Since then I’ve had to make my statement 3 different times, and they need me to do it again. I was venting to my best friend about how I didn’t think I could handle doing it again and she told me that the only way I’ll ever be at peace with it is if I just keep reliving it until I get over it, and compared it to when she had to watch her dog die. I told her there was no being at peace with being raped by someone who you loved and she said “well I guess you can just let it torment you forever then”. I’m really hurt to hear this coming from her of all people. I’ve been struggling to find any sort of support from anyone and I’ve been struggling to cope in general. I lock myself in my apartment and I’m too scared to leave. I haven’t left my house in 4 months. I hate that he has so much power over me and I hate that I can’t just “deal with it”, because trust me I want to more than anything. I don’t want to be affected by it anymore. I just want to be over all of it. I wanna be normal again.",1.035210145687035,2.554922756838909,3.0016560109003265,93.74857142857144,79.790273556231,6.118478146944764,20.767319987422702,6.953978226594392,0.2454417985536108,1173,31,278,13,29,395,160,329,0.15,0.733,0.11699999999999999,-0.9229,2,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,3,1,3,21,18,5,3,6,0,29,3,0,4,4,48,57,21,1,11,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,22,15,0,1,4,0,0,3,7,10,1,0,16,3,53,8,47,33,9,37,0,1,1,3,31,11,0,3,22,198,75,1,0.0,0.12489361314608792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917296993462733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168241461519402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090767908369132,0.07370512285550349,0.0,0.08674344842816975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425695757696967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124258329230334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080138130027604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841613076542002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867308139007674,0.0,0.0,0.10939893783441844,0.11013101455182384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962231080825798,0.09534937977290588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634283027269053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287900892993254,0.0,0.055072374326024534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612099895116593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20814110366200725,0.0,0.0,0.1188047308863479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162898730150885,0.1128435850663433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369325123455917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22322793984642167,0.11452827334924352,0.10778886667423423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865690657572698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513664041782817,0.0,0.14072398695043356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413725627391985,0.11203414801350177,0.07748847857845595,0.07816017930270007,0.0,0.0,0.11210473077573686,0.0,0.10327941926909427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016905490314069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307802159457555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321864905332715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752834513235045,0.0,0.0,0.11317089133339285,0.0,0.0,0.10026904858035462,0.0,0.10553379885291353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719624121882806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931355087215508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492194809852334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039483778270136,0.0,0.0,0.11961801875534255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508494337155627,0.0,0.0,0.061465418643840926,0.0,0.0,0.30217131653774265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37304129422518895,0.08366955151265715,0.0,0.0,0.09477624916898204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357611679044006
ptsd,throaway2345678,2020/03/11,"NSFW (Trigger Warning) I am a mess, I can't function I am going to try to make this as short as possible.
So I have a long history of verbal, emotional, sexual and some physical abuse. Also got cheated on and bullied. Got assaulted a year back and diagnosed with ptsd. I have been an utter trainwreck since then. Attempted suicide back in june 2019. Got assaulted again this year. 
A few weeks back I found out my cheating ex who also bullied/verbally abused me got married and everything just came crashing down for me. IDK why the f*ck I even care. Admittingly, I had strong feelings for him (probably still do? Please tell me I don't). 
We broke up 8 years ago. But even the thought of him nauseates me and I've thrown up several times because of this. He completely shattered my self esteem. I carved the letter W (for wh*re) on my arm because that's what he called me. I am starting to loathe myself. I have lost all my ability to say no to creeps. I just let them objectify me and I don't ask them to stop like I believe that's what I deserve. It's like I am trying to become the wh*re everyone told me I was. 
Tried to overdose again a week back. I have constant thoughts of ""why am I never good enough?"", ""Why did he call me a whore?"", ""Why did he treat me like sh*t?"", ""why does everyone do this to me?""
 I cannot function at school. I am failing. I am dying.",0.8039338235294125,3.2635915257352965,2.6704411764705887,90.16573529411764,87.78676470588232,6.141176470588236,23.808823529411764,7.510576382923642,1.3270117647058828,1053,43,217,20,34,349,158,272,0.191,0.72,0.08900000000000001,-0.9851,0,0,0,0,2,1,53.0,1,0,2,4,14,16,4,0,11,0,23,3,1,2,2,24,40,13,2,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,10,10,0,1,5,0,0,2,6,9,0,0,15,2,43,7,27,24,4,32,0,3,0,1,20,9,0,1,24,142,53,2,0.0,0.22544190119004476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843325836925291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216091853948774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893959165077753,0.0,0.0,0.2926157481142227,0.0,0.1159884025766441,0.10507056131832908,0.0,0.10718602382366456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942895843870077,0.10881057477948483,0.0969977913800819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974859333648807,0.10280853512063703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656133495604988,0.09873645221839487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832544112581103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701552481210844,0.0,0.0983012223703918,0.0,0.1256732487633177,0.0,0.0,0.18181361018486772,0.08550236587028469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048103768348406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431203496431052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406814782062163,0.07979580899331197,0.3043567380292668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728330543906913,0.0,0.1394363619572982,0.0,0.0,0.08419262568369143,0.0,0.0,0.10385250229364644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350421443096531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337497425286267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044310809990719,0.0,0.10725187604928024,0.0,0.0,0.10257301484609743,0.0,0.11120923562423614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565619881351722,0.0,0.09628300776408943,0.0,0.0,0.09924790222239653,0.10747693180367293,0.0,0.07869772481481806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733795796377852,0.0,0.07597596661162162,0.07953820100453071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040636634738657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831533135253276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105517988689834,0.05547473760848419,0.0,0.0,0.09090680509243387,0.0,0.19377389443982265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526251916834077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42922853537387856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837939608910316
ptsd,StarbucksLover911,2020/03/11,"Tonight I told someone what really happened. After five year’s of living with what started my PTSD I told someone what really happened. I got drunk with my boyfriend and his roommates embarrassingly I told them about how when I was 18 I gave a blowjob for $1,000 dollars. That’s usually where the story leaves off for anyone else but tonight I decided to tell everyone that after he pushed me down and forced me to have sex. I don’t know why I was proud of getting $1,000 for a sexual act and would pretend like it was all conseual. But I was finally honest about the night they had haunted my dreams for years",3.841750000000001,5.791979675000004,4.331666666666667,85.38,73.08333333333334,7.466666666666668,28.66666666666667,8.238735603445708,1.9943166666666672,491,20,95,8,10,155,80,120,0.109,0.765,0.125,0.6083,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,1,6,4,0,1,4,0,8,2,0,1,1,12,18,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,3,1,2,1,1,0,1,10,0,18,3,16,7,1,16,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,12,62,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250502499957221,0.18324441966603885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939926211091822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089087438630554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195912301593939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343738821016187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303601648495856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162981863182307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828670161819744,0.0,0.0,0.1893674998585304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737300356447246,0.0,0.1579204661602959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783078693445114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905633518122774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291410993820029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030639236967145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658505052638971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631549741532547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126726231589167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696882673155944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613767850426863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704398714270376,0.0,0.0,0.23033633658598324
ptsd,RageAgainstYoda,2020/03/11,"Newly diagnosed, looking for books NOT dealing with childhood trauma or violence/combat Just started seeing a therapist and got a formal diagnosis of what I always knew. 

I've been through some really heavy life events in the last 5 years - a job loss, a serious chronic illness, near-homelessness, a financially abusive relationship with a closet alcoholic, workplace bullying. 

New therapist has been seen for 5 sessions so far and has actually NOT fired me for having ""too complex of history"" so I'm hopeful. 

While we get started, I would like some recommendations on books that deal with PTSD from events like this. All I have found recommended is regarding childhood trauma or combat PTSD and don't really apply to me that much.",9.633790776152983,10.023138385826774,9.510911136107989,59.188503937007894,58.84251968503937,12.926434195725536,41.76490438695164,12.28987398476788,5.7762022497187875,593,30,85,18,7,194,92,127,0.168,0.733,0.099,-0.8441,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,7,0,9,5,0,0,1,20,20,8,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,1,5,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,4,6,3,13,13,4,13,0,1,3,0,4,3,0,5,12,55,10,4,0.0,0.20008690812087665,0.1647957021393399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047389517009613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051587638036414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482013259697248,0.0,0.1714025551895366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851605442078958,0.0,0.0,0.08822918021340752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506317671331106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772900751235775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758040957377915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765404617603771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928000446355445,0.1650056497713226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181080060738238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414109659569635,0.0,0.0,0.16309860992881542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948070344169376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636875493780489,0.0,0.0,0.1813064188454185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456992866716838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390583780037956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921491719476836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996254445203333,0.0,0.0,0.1087486847589915
ptsd,TAW4115,2020/03/11,"Advice on encounter I’m marking NSFW but trying to keep it not to graphic. 

Hey I’m a 20M who was abused sometimes physically till around age 10 and sexually (different relative) constantly from around age 11 - 17 

For a while after I got out I felt fine and was just happy to be moving forward with life. I still don’t have much depression or anxiety and fell pretty happy go lucky. I up until recently considered myself straight with a twist. I have been wanting to randomly hook up with guys and have them do some of the same things that were done by the person (family member) who had sexually abused me. It’s been on my mind for a while and this past week I finally did!

Didn’t turn out the way I expected at all and has me a little messed up feeling. So to leave anything graphic out when the poor guy I met with (who knows nothing about my past) started touching me me I started crying. I felt like every emotion possible in like 3 seconds and lost it. 

I have been with a couple girls with minimal issues besides I can only get off in a way like I had for years while being abused but with this guy I felt overwhelmed. 

I don’t know if I’m trying to relive something to try and make sense of it or if it’s because I’m actually bi?

Therapy is not an option right now for me and just wonder if anyone had a similar experience or have any idea how to move forward? Should I try again? Should I let the guy know something first so it don’t add to the stress? I don’t feel like I have PTSD but I will also say I feel like I am in denial if I don’t admit it has screwed me up a bit. I don’t want to feel like a victim so I guess I try and act like every thing is fine even tho I know it’s not.

I do have a lot of guilt and blame for myself that I didn’t get out or stop it sooner, but from an early age was blackmailed or coerced and did not have a way out, or at least I felt that way.  

Thanks so much!",2.195247524752478,3.468467720297032,4.054542079207923,88.48003094059406,76.00495049504951,7.030198019801983,23.51608910891089,7.645422480735847,0.9434495049504952,1485,44,329,20,32,504,195,404,0.141,0.7240000000000001,0.135,-0.7444,1,0,2,0,3,0,27.0,0,0,1,2,17,21,2,3,20,0,43,3,0,2,1,80,76,39,0,9,20,0,9,7,0,3,1,1,0,6,19,27,0,2,15,0,1,7,12,8,0,2,22,10,41,13,51,48,8,58,0,3,0,2,14,24,1,17,34,230,60,0,0.0,0.27464300806402403,0.07540054765307071,0.0,0.0,0.07550351847019986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178965571894204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052543583506231804,0.0,0.059108339195348775,0.0,0.0,0.05402623918829801,0.0,0.063583399786005,0.137566383914695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710068479733176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435454688135426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349718247033801,0.0,0.0,0.08549344714631266,0.08487316000047268,0.0,0.0,0.06654916090159424,0.0,0.0,0.08072660764559714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079070025356935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691393950814066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103351667893066,0.0,0.13020000857619424,0.0,0.0,0.0755810517758601,0.07283958308053301,0.0,0.1562722051660272,0.16559670752000766,0.29675021235654475,0.08464121316195859,0.0,0.06572248760054096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073667481264139,0.0,0.043912093476618716,0.0,0.06179674202508247,0.0,0.0851172974288225,0.3060222651408573,0.0,0.16450235639196042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722399869589195,0.0,0.08064571245532906,0.0,0.06867764146396271,0.0,0.0,0.16985366605297522,0.0,0.0,0.08181362166166757,0.0,0.07900980104455405,0.05457531685509739,0.2642381244767588,0.07744091000876405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434505290673244,0.06568885757906268,0.0,0.0,0.051575707928878105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801671403270331,0.0,0.0,0.16424322878345693,0.11359891730251348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413888698786701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876433506783669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751843110536292,0.0,0.06746576017301842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710589499465808,0.0,0.07860738032817392,0.0,0.0,0.0903199119451292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629093188195707,0.0,0.0,0.06598480956694833,0.0,0.061445087510797275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896640548350672,0.07641812813873777,0.0,0.10937865726194827,0.0,0.061704790755816114,0.06459790205983212,0.08850803280938459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711362248152477,0.08836049551115491,0.0,0.10266429964125848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622929799074972,0.08404330678994486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114707095929464,0.24532086930578434,0.0619781882146559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379176707525256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975682181593543
ptsd,jjbankb,2020/03/11,Ptsd and overstimulation Anyone else experience needing to make music/podcasts/TV shows/be reading simultaneously? Is there a connection between seeking overstimulation and avoiding internal thoughts?,13.074444444444444,18.368549037037038,11.957037037037034,25.366666666666674,58.62962962962963,12.488888888888884,57.148148148148145,11.20814326018867,9.600170370370373,172,13,13,6,3,55,25,27,0.111,0.889,0.0,-0.4137,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608376269372717,0.38222266310400976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116263181922824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649038408527335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24900650990884196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766037813989705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360627697004984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37314007060173904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296151393134532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pca7u,2020/03/11,"NSFW is it normal to feel like nothing happened? 

i’ve been sexually assaulted several times between the age 6 to 10, i’m now 24 and i almost forgot about the incidents, and sometimes i would tell myself that what happened isn’t really that horrible since it didn’t effect me apparently, but when i told my friends they got very shocked and said that it’s not normal at all to feel like that way? Am i okay?",3.2538624338624333,5.2342653209876575,4.801869488536156,81.24555555555557,74.80246913580247,8.085361552028218,27.62081128747796,8.841846274778883,2.3106070546737203,325,13,62,7,7,109,60,81,0.095,0.762,0.14300000000000002,0.6201,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,3,6,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,1,1,14,15,5,0,3,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,3,8,4,6,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,6,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123675274232263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446808331631584,0.3030200491300967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638525145616041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961978367466582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750833619281423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072231921415414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155868251134329,0.2034965203773737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586390569062587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017366860288097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395900815680684,0.0,0.1754348025308934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097525846662674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185367304740156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366557814343658,0.0,0.0,0.20265156886851515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498824568204954,0.0,0.1683392660313656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065557714674274,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,flipatable78,2020/03/11,"Not sure if PTSD, but having nightmares two years later... Throwaway account. 

So, this is a reallllyyyy long story, but about two years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy who I found out was lying to me and who I'm pretty certain was manipulating me. (Despite his mom and friend telling me he was manipulative and that I should stay away.) Anywho, he was very mentally ill and seeking counseling, but I think he should've gone to a residential treatment facility. Alas, he was in his twenties and no one could force him. 

Anyways, I have nightmares about seeing him now and I wake up feeling so panicked and anxious for a while. He would get into these extreme rages after fights with his mom, and he once told me he wanted to kill her. I was horrified, but he was acting very different than normal, so I talked him out of it. 

We eventually went our separate ways and he lives very far away from me, but I still fear he will find me and hurt me, tho he never made any kind of threat against or was even mean to me. But I don't trust him at all. He also has a relationship with a new girl (she looks similar to me and his past girls in several ways, creepy) and honestly just the thought of it makes me sick. 

Oh, and the story is worse, considering he went thru basically a psychotic break and for a couple of weeks I thought he would kill himself, but I won't get into it. 

I'm in a happy relationship now with a man that I trust very much and who is incredibly kind, so I know I am safe. I just hate that I still deal with these dreams and fears. I honestly don't want to talk to a counselor about it because it's not even a situation I like to talk about with close friends. It makes me feel that horrified inside.",4.4683001647864105,5.237483034985424,5.466320192673344,82.43353783749527,69.96209912536443,8.76405121054633,28.324122195462035,8.964715089967882,2.013825301052097,1343,46,283,24,23,443,179,343,0.245,0.6609999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.9966,1,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,2,0,0,0,19,22,6,2,15,0,24,3,1,5,4,67,48,32,2,8,13,2,2,1,2,5,2,0,0,4,16,28,0,1,9,1,1,4,7,9,0,3,17,4,43,13,41,25,2,37,0,1,2,0,48,14,0,2,16,189,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266990131667966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458047393506546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342041098215967,0.0,0.0,0.10535794063210076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752428209523876,0.0,0.0,0.05685080057460596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446100621579779,0.1031910880927569,0.0,0.0,0.0961475910298854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743748508268593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319550307256134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988822232886006,0.0943107304010048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523850548113887,0.0,0.0,0.10225544219162268,0.14410582765879135,0.0,0.0974496362118775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234266360336252,0.0,0.09927765060670514,0.0,0.09207554187025672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983740893810314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206358088458672,0.1942331422735597,0.05125359077682902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556242193406534,0.0,0.08235082482783518,0.08253270268867043,0.07831542181780624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824544154055002,0.12450435905869787,0.0,0.0,0.10158814159460322,0.0,0.0,0.09398475699340578,0.0,0.0,0.21845139215285087,0.0,0.0,0.06855727704220348,0.0,0.07192832965623272,0.09007167563940878,0.0,0.0,0.09137559401711864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931950303943644,0.06319580108572051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902780229136746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948795653812316,0.0,0.0,0.1090166591845262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003809711814495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074316629498055,0.0,0.0,0.10535794063210076,0.0,0.0,0.10482883003124993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940339862501664,0.14895608286168344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789701865257349,0.0,0.0,0.22487803040988505,0.08151388137658515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059757631436636524,0.0,0.14807700971373713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911450683648278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220412400179425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077990721355799,0.11001504492690233,0.14805185824476802,0.0748080337542439,0.0,0.0,0.17290703454394402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950405262788171,0.13249931924591704,0.0,0.0,0.12011354681807915
ptsd,jamquolantern,2020/03/11,"I don’t know I’m a 20 year old male who has been diagnosed with well every mental health disorder that’s ever existed. I was in and out of psych wards as a teenager (9 times in less than 6 months) and all of this started after my boyfriend at the time began abusing me. Long story short, I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD and that is the diagnosis I’ve identified most with. I was doing very well for a while, living at school, working and had lots of friends, but recently have no longer been able to hold a job, live on my own or function the way I used to be able to. I recently began going to therapy again, and up until about a week ago things were still very bad. I all of the sudden felt better for about a week, like I could do anything. I got all my schoolwork done, and was cleaning the house and high energy last week. Now it’s bad again. Starting Friday I could feel myself getting depressed again and I tried to fight it and it just kept getting worse. I woke up crying in the middle of the night last night and the night before. This is something that had previously only happened once a few weeks ago. Could this be more than my PTSD? Does anyone have any recommendations on what to do when I wake up and cannot fall back asleep? Just laying there depressed and anxious is not working out for me. I’m sorry this is very rambling, writing is not my strong suit. Thank you",4.849390292819899,5.477557382671481,5.2788146811070975,84.6253860810269,69.03610108303249,8.032811873245086,27.30224628961092,7.984000788550335,1.5187803449659043,1093,33,223,13,18,349,162,277,0.155,0.7829999999999999,0.062,-0.9839,1,0,1,0,1,0,26.0,0,1,0,4,15,12,1,0,15,0,28,5,2,1,4,39,46,18,0,3,6,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,1,1,13,17,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,16,2,22,7,36,25,9,53,0,2,0,0,6,15,0,3,36,154,35,5,0.19217160742506909,0.11384596533245678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034853501102648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534164144712945,0.0,0.0,0.10854960845850148,0.0,0.06718542806201896,0.0,0.07907042941435227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388405203223546,0.16045526518652806,0.0,0.0,0.08176194190552329,0.0,0.0,0.08498008505372126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301500870743547,0.0,0.10554574353646806,0.0,0.0,0.1655171238833972,0.1950501363558878,0.0,0.0,0.11012265553820462,0.0,0.08408533433964377,0.09832913747642492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691511047406603,0.08095643377454315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048583869412426636,0.0,0.09225743983021804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423565359716253,0.0,0.10040173328900223,0.0,0.05460777654804888,0.0,0.07684859483413023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496835889475443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213471617167763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151992709898718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108701167573126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535033390195494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280624485955388,0.1566455088542045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046942670212528216,0.0,0.16969105010339475,0.08503291264168338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168871425553982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683189052001297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669477181130575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705100532600856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082588762436953,0.10232824505245652,0.0,0.07307758351552393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463832529256347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897462785767927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724396313332047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397154602555,0.0,0.10756019059556716,0.13602005283729912,0.0,0.07673424696392266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846289852364228,0.10988249050611117,0.0,0.06383513845971467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205680969268753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523595348300569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082987283852312,0.0,0.2378425529467924,0.0,0.0762684385609877,0.308296943727444,0.0,0.1727853539573923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990321895824834,0.0,0.09791964282293708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187610729405165
ptsd,bigkingdingus,2020/03/11,"I don’t think I will ever be able to be in a relationship again After an extremely emotionally abusive relationship which ended over 4 years ago I am still unable to connect romantically with anyone. I have been interested in people before but as soon as I am aware they like me back, I run. Im so so afraid of meeting someone like them, because if my judgement was so poor last time how can I trust myself to pick someone in the future. I don’t blame myself for the bad relationship but one thing I realised is that I allowed the way they treated me to go on for so long because I don’t respect myself. I’m terrified I’ll be happy with someone and then they will flip and become scary like the last one and I won’t be able to get out. Another abusive relationship will literally kill me. I will end my life if I find myself there again. I know I won’t survive it, but there’s a huge part of me that just wants to be loved and love someone. I will pull out the flaws of every potential partner in my brain and convince myself it’s something to run away from before I get committed to them in any way. I hate this so much because it means my abuser has won. They forever get to have that control over me even though it’s been no contact for years. I’m stuck in a cycle of needing love as much as I need everyone to leave me alone.",5.233339416058397,5.068125281021898,6.377071167883212,79.84363594890513,68.08759124087591,9.039781021897813,30.99361313868613,8.660442795831766,2.2566211678832118,1053,38,217,15,16,355,143,274,0.17800000000000002,0.645,0.177,-0.3493,1,1,1,0,1,2,15.0,0,0,6,3,17,17,2,1,9,0,25,5,1,4,2,28,43,22,1,5,6,0,0,3,1,7,1,0,0,1,10,9,0,1,4,0,1,4,6,4,0,2,5,0,41,13,37,26,3,37,0,0,0,3,16,13,0,2,21,156,51,0,0.1908681969477885,0.33922140357689184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459657013310265,0.0,0.0,0.09884094460075576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489845953692919,0.10007097330221193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672974060626014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966347701464049,0.07338293093108472,0.07968348594074537,0.17452722192722644,0.10539946388809522,0.16241477749559866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065360158481914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703745636457702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735051570464718,0.16905256981344802,0.0,0.0,0.06303332198158831,0.08632560577488682,0.08040734400317225,0.09119137083024834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722503707067007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958113266636,0.0,0.05423739744237648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159137241531074,0.0,0.0942214144605374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308520292532562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558369022332947,0.0,0.05244808470396157,0.1555830553513418,0.0,0.10105093068784766,0.0,0.0,0.06740792607370516,0.13987283985549512,0.0,0.0,0.0844561740134546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583989996059827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395571070272304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031008633283928,0.1415263495546433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933722995958408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334582866222217,0.0,0.06616198760817317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098420261865239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32344400776630194,0.07346983149340748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621379431850255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340217445737373,0.061150316842068786,0.09376351720521728,0.0,0.05564839028081791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628950389213391,0.15150229055387393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291286097472573
ptsd,bomwer,2020/03/12,"Loneliness 
Am I the only one who sometimes feel extremely lonely even when I’m around people who I know are trying to support me?it feels like I’m locked in my mindset and I’m always alone,like I can’t bring myself to socialise.",2.21478260869565,4.758237000000001,3.3893043478260867,87.1491739130435,81.17391304347827,5.419130434782609,22.243478260869566,6.742157984588678,0.7793269565217389,186,6,34,2,5,60,36,46,0.125,0.759,0.11599999999999999,-0.10099999999999999,0,3,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,11,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,5,2,4,11,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28987040057465496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31012171787539106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23009403040653426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522910419184682,0.2488744413143781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145415182405925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701951944092858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360634311143406,0.2649498521723646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24151477202674534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445452370093966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953243109161008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365192635026568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,O-keefe,2020/03/12,"What does my life get to be about now that I'm experiencing some post-traumatic growth? Hi everyone!  


My last 20 years have been spent in various levels of hospitalization and therapy.  While I was able to cerebrally learn coping mechanisms and emotional wellness theory, it isn't until just recently that I've been able to actually integrate my learnings into my life.  A couple of months ago I got a job which offers me a nice salary and \*thus far\* a less toxic social culture than I'm used to.  


I've spent the last month in hyper-vigilance mode, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've also experienced insomnia, which isn't common for me.  I finally realized that after spending my last few years either running from my problems or putting out fires my life isn't about that any more.  The problem is that I can't find what to put my focus on.    


What did you make your life about after experiencing high times or post-traumatic growth?  How did you redirect the energy that was spent healing?  How did you rebuild your life after coming to a healthier place?",5.795233309404164,7.2326202713567875,6.615882986360376,72.9471984924623,67.39195979899498,10.308829863603735,30.294687724335965,10.451354775682146,3.3917290739411348,850,32,148,23,14,281,121,199,0.04,0.877,0.08199999999999999,0.7949,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,5,0,0,9,4,0,0,9,0,14,8,1,5,0,23,25,10,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,13,6,0,1,4,0,4,6,4,2,1,0,11,4,19,2,25,13,6,34,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,3,18,98,32,3,0.2635544227528092,0.0,0.12859554921209915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681254690322435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053821883279156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961302256908073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351439924905375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580897794537315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531912570644835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482316260707071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259187726584847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435549384364646,0.12044198385256025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884815404034697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539427401506747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922985889012485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307685487337975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222480460256401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46539070755143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879623118605663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103666257854308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767913853862349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524122838257871,0.0,0.0,0.25218598877217313,0.0,0.2649449890865905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011409851296446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433027190270358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506987257067679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768403516778437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381320052728255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848353883425912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972040728163573
ptsd,waldeinsamskeit,2020/03/12,"Did my first EMDR session for trauma today I've been in therapy for five years, and my therapist got certified for EMDR six months ago. We decided to try it, and used it for a few other things, but I was really nervous to use it for PTSD. 

Right now, I'm exhausted and my eyes feel physically tired, but I feel like today was the first breakthrough I've had in therapy in a very long time. At one point I was crying a lot, something I've never done in session beyond shedding a couple of tears.

It was difficult but I'm hopeful. I'd be happy to discuss this here in the comments or in a PM if you prefer.

FYI my primary trauma was >!CSA!<.",4.004648006785413,4.833083290076338,5.850025445292622,79.04584393553863,71.06106870229006,8.87565733672604,29.05937234944869,9.150863307647796,2.4706736217133165,505,19,98,10,9,175,83,131,0.17800000000000002,0.713,0.109,-0.8432,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,2,3,8,0,1,7,0,10,3,1,2,1,18,18,8,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,5,10,3,9,3,17,7,2,21,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,4,12,68,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837109104012186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185201313683564,0.18385760842772145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712864910457487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926336845118034,0.11957535459566535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284744420735336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386801195210893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817770557136145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624478506114382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817727630627244,0.0,0.0,0.14812485498803124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229935888764372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360005673051484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290927481201139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342011792568885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582269437960769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565670706194235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722706135351248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429404688062774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885627679774322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828241904526444,0.19433953544840774,0.11119895030916514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759984793237678,0.1923771576479348,0.3173108143242288,0.0,0.0,0.1136391292439312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891228585400353,0.0,0.13810493125833387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778637512720413
ptsd,harrassedbytherapist,2020/03/12,"New Hope! A ""Largely Unexplored"" Brain Region Shows Link of Chronic Stress to Physical Symptoms for the First Time I just saw this write-up and thought ""this is the most hopeful thing we and those with other chronic stress disorders have in neuro treatments."" The is hope for us to stay on top of our skills and in routines, but it is a lot of work for what are brain changes that do things to us that we just can't do much except treat ourselves as if we are sick for. So reading something like this for me - especially after a few weeks of being on the lesser-functioning side - was truly uplifting.

the below was taken from ""Inverse;"" study published in the extremely highly-regarded ""Science"":

In this study, Nakamura and his team tried to answer a basic question about our fight-or-flight response. Where do these physical symptoms of stress come from in the brain? And can they be controlled?

To do this, the team injected rats with a tracer that would allow them to see which areas of their brains activated in response to social stress. For rats, that means that they were exposed to chronic social defeat (essentially rat-bullying, which stresses them out).

After sustained social rejection, neurons in two specific regions of the rats' brains caught the team's attention: the dorsal peduncular cortex and the dorsal tenia tecta. The latter is largely ""unexplored,"" the researchers say.

When rats are continuously rejected by their peers, they also exhibit physical responses, including increases in blood pressure, or heart rate. But when the team injected the rats with a drug that stopped the neurons from firing, heart rate decreased by 53 percent and blood pressure plummeted by 77 percent.

The dorsal tenia tecta ""has not been focused by research so far,"" so how these neurons function was ""totally unknown,"" Nakamura says. Importantly, these changes don't appear to affect the body's heart beat or temperature overall, which suggests this circuit is solely responsible for the physical toll of stress.",10.778504831327341,10.2172211037464,9.27145278860824,64.94645363620954,56.982708933717575,12.084014239701645,42.89015087302933,11.20814326018867,5.0875876928292945,1621,78,240,34,17,497,195,347,0.13699999999999998,0.7929999999999999,0.07,-0.981,0,1,2,0,1,0,57.0,7,0,7,11,11,16,0,8,26,0,25,21,14,4,1,43,36,20,0,5,9,0,1,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,24,15,0,2,6,6,0,4,3,11,0,2,9,5,17,5,51,24,8,32,0,3,2,0,26,17,0,10,11,173,41,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564627987903447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911820069955095,0.0,0.4581905213278752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367785694629936,0.07071212072590706,0.0,0.0,0.0920694237396298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408072784641017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951967959720329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982458091361181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29182640818742983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24459771501736735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040104377787334416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978885186193456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941862693600826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034461782014746,0.0,0.0,0.07928174917936784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919580974677935,0.0,0.08211088453234795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056041063808754,0.0,0.0,0.06541404207143357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25103718471224024,0.0,0.06319586878826762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749560015864956,0.0,0.06862980395144375,0.5641937660027904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064311899909032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907212978319064,0.0,0.0,0.0651692347234342,0.0478665637171148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573281860521862,0.0,0.08018870280812458,0.0,0.19748512581200714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584657970003074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976152955683747,0.0,0.0,0.0583134360514531,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,couragegoldmaroon,2020/03/12,"I am so scared about the coronavirus... I don’t have any support system to help and I don’t want to die before I’ve truly lived (healed from cPTSD) I am so scared about the coronavirus... I don’t have any support system to help and I don’t want to die before I’ve truly lived (healed from cPTSD)


I am do scared about the coronavirus... I have no one to take care of me or bring me food if I get sick due to not having a support system. I recently cut off all toxic relationships including my parents. If I get sick and can’t work for weeks, I won’t have any money which is scary. I can’t afford to stock up on food and supplies just in case.

Also, I am so scared of dying before I have truly started living. I have had cptsd and suffered since I was a child. I have been working so hard on healing and what if I die before I truly started living. I was going to do psychedelic therapy in the near future and what if I died after all the hard work I put into get to that place to heal my ptsd... I haven’t had a healthy romantic relationship, healthy sex, had kids, traveled, and went back to my passionate career yet! There is so much I want to do!

I am feeling so anxious. I’ll make sure I will keep my distance from others which isn’t hard because self isolating is what I’ve been doing for a long time now (Lol). Now it’s going to be harder to make friends, though, with everyone else distancing. I also will keep my diet really clean to build my immune system.

I am scared, y’all! Who else feels like they are in a scary movie? Who else is scared of dying before you’ve truly lived?",2.821219512195121,4.029361951219514,4.312775609756098,87.51027317073172,74.3048780487805,7.077268292682928,22.87609756097561,7.554174236665415,0.8469566829268294,1232,32,263,15,25,411,147,328,0.18,0.65,0.171,-0.8487,2,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,1,1,3,18,16,1,6,10,1,42,12,0,2,3,29,65,22,6,7,7,1,5,1,1,3,7,0,1,3,10,10,3,2,2,1,1,6,11,8,0,1,8,5,39,8,37,53,3,33,0,1,0,2,13,10,0,5,14,172,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398348066605175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539085381742095,0.0,0.0,0.08051078355649728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479948758837199,0.0,0.043443355788990515,0.0,0.3032124252401639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266087760604617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4437798325809649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860187896791024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680981303223201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206889919085034,0.05091275362720157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235130615851116,0.0,0.055060268975739145,0.0,0.11170130872399668,0.0,0.08100471186576999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152217613396733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553677496346973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668975942518265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03481717911944153,0.0,0.3146478278540295,0.06306855015041682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514179419107896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052389027918090636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048291979060776084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913293949233488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744582536894366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330664588734013,0.07164244859659766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04565510154931296,0.0,0.07036700446039493,0.15302695560288698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281007888528569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434643174276681,0.0,0.0,0.058952329421987415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088549547844486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24261690921194504,0.06716776924019158,0.0,0.053583488033036336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149937651012795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001890810486679,0.0,0.04155602990796875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610436503780892,0.0,0.057165633437220136,0.0,0.0,0.0660646969276553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564843494637154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,disisamfthrowawayacc,2020/03/12,"Can you get ptsd from something you caused? I suspect I have ptsd from one incident that happened to me about 10 months ago. I won't go into detail but I got caught by someone I love doing something I shouldn't have and got humiliated by a bunch of people I knew. I can't play the same video game I was playing that night, I can't look at the things that caused it without shaking, I can't look at or be around the people who know about it, I can't get it off my mind and I think about it everyday. The whole incident was my fault though so I feel like it's not even possible to be a victim.",2.8337445319335117,3.5847498897637813,4.1290813648294,90.59253718285214,73.7244094488189,7.219247594050744,24.34733158355205,7.3871296695380915,0.7930391951006119,464,13,108,5,9,153,76,127,0.11,0.779,0.11,0.2478,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,7,7,1,1,6,0,14,1,0,2,0,18,28,6,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,4,0,3,8,3,0,1,6,3,19,4,16,18,3,12,0,0,2,1,5,5,0,1,5,77,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054624126716826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118690860743053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489294670090715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121727474764143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587240184698203,0.12132835349777348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774609163781728,0.0,0.09651970887491393,0.0,0.2716610882081953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501822960487104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333548631369187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297156832118273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852330098413875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328043866187913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148238513892336,0.0,0.13555866060471708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937627226302567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508287981230855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354809074056754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914605968547096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970501479822864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389850425671055,0.26149067179584634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112829149428931,0.10882179192827088,0.16685954360827485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961189236942974,0.0,0.16371244463629514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FormerFatKidFunny,2020/03/12,"Work Place PTSD Help I have worked at a job for the last year where the owner is very open about ""Hazing"" new employees. He's a dick for the first month and it makes it very difficult until the person just starts to take it or quits so we have a high turnover rate, but my financial situation hasn't allowed me to quit until now. 

I always have a panic attack when my boyfriend takes a day off because I'm scared he will get fired, I'm afraid to say ""I don't know,"" I have been laughed at and called awful names by my boss, he has allowed customers/friends of his to talk down to me. If I'm a minute late, I get yelled at. He's older so he will tell me to do something and then an hour later he will come by and yell at me for doing it because ""he never told me to do that."" Every minute I am off of work, I'm anxious about having to go back. My old therapist I had growing up said I showed signs of being anxious and depressed, but I never believed her until recently because I never felt it, had panic attacks, etc. I go out of my way to not have to drive past work on the weekends and so I don't have to see any coworkers. I'm talked to like a dog most days and then my boss tries being ""cool"" and act like we're friends after he just asked if I had a learning disorder or was just plain stupid. I have gained 40 pounds since working here and my hygiene is normal, but I have always been a VERY clean/ put together person, but I feel like I've just given up. 

My boyfriend talked to me about this one day and I thought he was joking because I've always minimized/tried blocking out how I'm treated at work. But once I looked into articles about it and read up on it, it sounded exactly like my situation. 

I am finally able to quit soon, but I am afraid I will take this with me. How have you worked through workplace PTSD? I'm going to start going to a therapit, I just have had a hard time finding one I'm comfortable with after going to few bad therapists.",5.080619751249074,4.530894264058682,5.799496119910708,85.1558233230573,68.46210268948656,8.775635165302436,29.518550015945568,8.04050195162591,1.7383255235462958,1530,48,336,17,23,501,198,409,0.14300000000000002,0.775,0.08199999999999999,-0.9814,5,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,1,1,0,12,20,21,3,5,17,2,37,1,1,7,4,57,69,32,0,3,16,0,4,4,1,4,0,5,1,2,11,19,0,1,6,4,0,10,7,11,0,3,13,12,42,10,54,50,3,65,0,1,2,1,28,20,1,5,38,210,53,12,0.07647033148692638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088832512296486,0.0,0.0,0.05200244769051195,0.0,0.0,0.1727794163315058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148943720432227,0.17399208336374164,0.0,0.058800964681584064,0.06384953262370342,0.1864624172098987,0.0,0.0,0.08615587700706373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780847583437687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587241943009223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795111272915526,0.0,0.0658637844566153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764162496284109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528463362714754,0.0,0.0,0.0644295524160883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03866569727616433,0.05463042009375491,0.0734235103768155,0.08376951030365465,0.06989249760218752,0.06504562489789263,0.0,0.0,0.11816157682788067,0.0,0.07990518401076137,0.0,0.2172992582175046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850239670843912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512564512702802,0.08079510372847533,0.0,0.0,0.0753078727393744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588500443505604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042026094313275836,0.0623335265210288,0.08626186473044288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943816519547778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421581890389325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104454006937891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061037889023346385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693590166735154,0.07385552266687016,0.0,0.0,0.07492468866846905,0.0,0.0,0.08024274920118422,0.0814384073119429,0.1036365513665509,0.0,0.0,0.1794429150931098,0.0,0.0,0.07299958420263808,0.0,0.13354188771239453,0.07989522052344901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877945061669298,0.07687380439164232,0.0,0.24400683136651716,0.07649102544465251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550522689380995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727407967737748,0.06081227689276645,0.07656014217560117,0.0,0.06093695354788694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325704842858683,0.1719117131451931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887059718101025,0.0,0.0,0.10825218843416523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248851728397646,0.18439186741355265,0.06683844028587084,0.0,0.0,0.1775758976132119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060708901381703276,0.04459046524814257,0.0,0.0,0.07307067879981999,0.0,0.10383667087046246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928809629309906,0.0,0.060698589733377835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896991845581433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049244386299279054
ptsd,houseontherock,2020/03/12,"Stop being scared? I have ptsd from an accident and I get triggered from hearing about tragedy and danger or feeling people around me are doing dangerous stuff but sometimes I feel triggered from other stuff like just feeling like things are off or even having memories of childhood abuse brought up or the season changing or just other things that make me question my self. During around this time last year I was having issues with flashbacks and I think those feelings are coming back up and I feel frustrated and powerless trying to fight these feelings of fear that are making it hard for me to work, eat and generally live. I feel trouble breathing and I feel especially scared in the morning or when I wake up. When I don't smoke I have bad nightmares. I try to feel better by going outside places even if it reminds me of bad memories or its scary, or watching South Park or reality TV, listening to music, smoking and reading scary stories to distract myself. I need help but I really don't know how to explain what I need to my friends. I have issues and my few friends are also emotionally closed off and have not been through these types of event. I was talking with my friend asking what they would do if they felt scared and they were talking about trying to remove the danger from the situation, lock doors etc. It's hard for me to describe the feeling but someone described it once like being on an airplane going down for hours. I feel very scared as if each moment time passes is screaming through my ears because something horrible dangerous and violent is about to happen in my immediate world and people around me. It can just help to talk to friends and make sure they're still alive and not as scared as me about something happening today or tomorrow and know they don't feel this way even if that means they don't understand. I feel survivors guilt and I feel bad even talking about it with them or making this post which I'll probably delete later, it's really hard for me to feel good about myself and to take myself seriously. I feel so scared. I would really like any kind of comforting or nice words. Thanks for reading and this is a great community",6.335177958446252,7.4337369658536625,5.960027100271003,79.37862240289073,65.92682926829268,8.610659439927733,31.770551038843717,8.735056554316923,2.5617434507678407,1756,68,311,26,27,543,199,410,0.198,0.638,0.16399999999999998,-0.9486,1,0,3,0,2,0,21.0,0,0,6,2,23,38,7,9,8,0,29,4,3,7,1,90,70,45,0,8,23,0,20,4,4,2,0,4,1,1,27,28,1,1,24,3,0,6,6,22,0,0,6,25,45,16,55,60,3,41,0,0,1,0,23,16,0,16,21,220,72,4,0.0,0.07630112754523287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051499076221390265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043792864362940435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198368258310506,0.06020345898916305,0.0,0.0,0.049518105109896425,0.16130897944273995,0.03925643747702366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695481864072835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812457011521927,0.05547319515667882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589525514599892,0.0,0.07243910883385768,0.0,0.0,0.07182081918344356,0.17013714899130955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246568028715614,0.5209852109703754,0.046005960940426485,0.061832201632491576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901501320595247,0.0,0.033645309410286914,0.0,0.07319776175091858,0.05401400686770468,0.0,0.07099904838444743,0.0,0.0,0.11389391921629155,0.0,0.1730639403038922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258125292390294,0.0,0.08632927555887315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341908127025964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442961105193948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706063176385342,0.07078293925388543,0.05249298433883566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584648588082292,0.0,0.056864634681666415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194472329692614,0.0,0.0,0.07014832664813724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955006370575226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858179342962965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929096221948234,0.0,0.0672822282607477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167550536866191,0.0,0.06943196138036076,0.0,0.07527784344241861,0.0,0.07214052463284208,0.0,0.12883090127663624,0.0,0.12376506880704415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38684193580933307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718118332123328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238607671867117,0.0,0.0,0.054564236432512944,0.09915348956867166,0.06369129201194726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051428344848093284,0.053839631297724885,0.0,0.0,0.14744065990215596,0.0,0.0,0.06069437514117978,0.0,0.04841929932822567,0.20704276812324815,0.0,0.05928904800062415,0.0,0.0,0.08556637079335623,0.04126365325654175,0.0,0.0,0.07510201089432958,0.0,0.06104179652712726,0.0,0.0,0.1311660925191159,0.0,0.0,0.06704061370519454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053135113791931116,0.0,0.051116153667139334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688252817106483,0.0,0.0,0.09149301661811454,0.0,0.0,0.041470215838206426
ptsd,clarvoyages,2020/03/12,"Is this a PTSD thing or is it just me? Hi, I was very recently diagnosed with PTSD. They started me on meds but then took me off bc the side effects were kicking my butt. Not on anything new quite yet. 

I keep thinking things have happened already that haven’t happened. Mostly at work, someone will ask me about a file and I’ll really believe I already finished my work with it and disengaged with the client, but then they’ll point out that no I haven’t, the work still isn’t complete. This has happened several times now in the past 2 or 3 weeks. Prior to recently, this had never happened before - I keep logs to track where I’m at with my work and I look at them so frequently I usually have them memorized. Even in my personal life, I’ll have these moments where I think I’ve had this entire conversation with someone, only to later realize that I never did. 

On top of this, this weird thing happens, usually on the phone, where I literally can’t understand what the person I’m talking to is saying. Someone will be asking me a question or telling me something and when they finish I’ll realize I have literally no clue what they just said.  Other times someone will ask me a question i know I know the answer to and have answered a thousand times, but for some reason I’ll get so overwhelmed by it I have to put them on hold, calm myself down, and then think about how to answer. 

Has anyone else experienced these things or something similar?",4.767932862190811,5.980832745583039,5.397757950530036,81.5660362190813,69.60070671378092,8.345512367491166,30.75777385159011,8.697196308434329,2.4250849469964657,1149,47,218,19,20,371,144,283,0.039,0.9420000000000001,0.019,-0.647,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,7,7,15,3,0,1,12,0,25,3,1,3,2,46,48,20,0,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,21,12,0,3,16,0,0,2,9,2,0,1,7,4,33,1,30,36,2,47,0,1,1,1,21,19,1,8,26,157,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19852808092310506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289638520790336,0.09216624202597082,0.07402266131888934,0.0,0.2522783518029608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654235065212253,0.10134486762177003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431274364440304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129917651019084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751431807599448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941231097661201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699609926319855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977203677704201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990657345711706,0.0,0.0,0.09887030607302078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353561164599958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553685125281756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991616393647372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875273635750615,0.08687600228591398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841239202364323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586916475650354,0.0,0.1570848722376106,0.0,0.0,0.0850335194536396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102976649492644,0.09042639690167728,0.20153318937870665,0.0956748043302172,0.0,0.0,0.057625421997100974,0.0924854247406385,0.17763308761113308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556475397651489,0.07153327626124158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016199224253008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048634495028882,0.13849856992657328,0.0,0.0,0.06366834212440266,0.0,0.07183561815258656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229984396779393,0.07862183194144487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23903989744060625,0.1729124307426102,0.0,0.0,0.15735484176183273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993975187235142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364298892111764,0.0,0.0,0.19813838357749367,0.07421964980840552,0.0,0.0,0.07215390260370516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26194390674420925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dirtydog413,2020/03/12,"EMDR for PTSD is 100% effective according to my therapist - is this true? Well she actually said that it works for literally everyone who tries it and isn't negative about it or doesn't try it properly.  If it doesn't work for someone then it's their own fault, not the fault of EMDR.  

Is my therapist lying? Nothing is 100% effective, as far as I know.  It made me feel anxious about starting the treatment as she has already decided it will be my fault if it doesn't work for me.",5.177929824561407,5.6642501789473725,6.4839473684210525,76.77679824561406,68.26315789473685,10.964912280701757,33.7280701754386,10.864195022040775,3.75222807017544,377,17,75,11,6,128,59,95,0.126,0.736,0.139,0.3417,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,5,3,5,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,3,1,12,16,8,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,2,9,2,11,12,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,54,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.20331248199642693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299114187387925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23536801875374244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990804375112202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534436051296343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449973341147295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713895900808964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991049926202992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24354153972136436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818167676134305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652814622219487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746607934257866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838040096101169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829021189639088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732516407999286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550280364584999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Broken_Loving_Soul,2020/03/12,"I Hate That Every time I Cry, I Get PTSD. I hate this, and I feel like this is a very, *very,* stupid thing to have PTSD over.

When I (21/F) was younger, and I would get depressed, self-harm, or whatever. My 'mother' would scream/mock me by saying in a kinda Karen tone, *""No one likes me, everyone hates me, might as well eat worms!""* Every time I'd cry or show emotion.

At points, she would scream that I have nothing to cry over/be depressed about.

And, now, at 21, I still get scared/PTSD over it, and no longer allow people to see me cry, in fear that they'll scream, berate me, or mock me... 

People have worse PTSD, and I am so sorry this is minor and a very stupid thing... 

Have a wonderful night... I won't blame anyone for not even reading this...",1.6938310708898925,3.206267372549025,2.5738562091503283,97.57158371040724,77.8888888888889,5.492006033182506,17.651583710407238,5.8734145424116955,-0.6073806938159882,560,9,133,3,13,176,88,153,0.314,0.601,0.085,-0.9908,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,1,0,7,14,6,1,4,0,14,1,0,1,0,18,23,12,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,6,0,3,0,0,10,6,1,0,2,2,0,0,4,11,1,1,1,5,20,3,13,16,0,13,0,2,1,0,4,7,0,6,8,79,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226985914086498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541327629114573,0.0,0.0,0.17804306042989212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576036762040697,0.0,0.11626310215187985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826655190628476,0.0,0.17416604267318794,0.09876237289233768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630574872275705,0.05226057941780328,0.07383850826602381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199984129587242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061319415863556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009903564452647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964581013336804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699386711876416,0.0,0.0991741605555656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700376122095394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330993891121946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770609952945801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832768234072187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338531545023323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219390958949578,0.0,0.0,0.08236242263065299,0.0,0.10782425273997896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570008627958175,0.0,0.0,0.08254130961618507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733205541125956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053699865973408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558419034452137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293066630890788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208663224895184,0.0,0.0,0.10532996511393836,0.2202662782955929,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,stickcloud,2020/03/12,"I cant deal with this Ex fiance was my abuser. Left her over a year ago. Was supposed to feel better, now its unimaginably quite the opposite. Emotionally abused, cut off from my life entirely, she disowned everything i ever loved about life. 100s of suicide attempts from her, i honestly cant count. 

Im with someone new now, im afraid to open up to her about just how bad im doing. Im afraid no one will listen

Im left i cant trust anyone, nightmares about the abuser every damn night, constant voice of hers in my head telling me im not enough to amount to anything, im never gonna be worth it, its all my fault, i shouldve listened. 99% of my life is full of these thoughts, constant sharp pains in my heart full of an unbearable amount of anxiety and panic.

I don't like being pinned down with decisions, sends me into a chaotic spiral, cant ask for help it does the same, in afraid that no one will care about it and just brush it off. Im doing soo damn bad rn i absolutely hate myself.",2.907647058823532,4.302762656862747,4.016813725490199,88.97316176470589,74.3921568627451,7.060784313725492,24.02450980392157,7.645422480735847,0.9907215686274516,778,23,167,10,16,253,125,204,0.264,0.679,0.057,-0.9919,0,0,0,0,3,1,25.0,0,0,0,3,10,18,4,4,6,0,14,7,2,1,3,18,23,3,1,0,3,1,2,1,0,3,4,3,0,0,9,7,0,0,3,0,1,1,9,12,0,2,3,6,21,6,30,15,7,25,0,0,0,1,14,14,2,0,11,99,30,0,0.0,0.30878573760828915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700638589498761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645649654762706,0.0,0.0,0.06074260632213682,0.0,0.07148788218190265,0.0,0.0812131707119644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450682281363506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683082478651361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857133301179526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775456370844024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956075161331976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602187719252806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977187990644462,0.0,0.08976153145505937,0.0,0.0,0.07858028878074208,0.07319302604534811,0.0,0.07807454595660453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04392486493650024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576766871403657,0.08915527083175287,0.0,0.0,0.1029432028136344,0.05822816754320555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7506894337716895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877238246914396,0.0,0.18407983064013228,0.04244105036879947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840496388616122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700069338503238,0.08390108252248543,0.0,0.08152306308737918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117732818543186,0.0,0.09243745211830028,0.10192504421917707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239858467490424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360598082843256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502337384007528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592956209102285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896630557541987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055942428805237136
ptsd,wordsongs,2020/03/12,"finally making friends, and it’s making my symptoms so much worse (any advice?) TW: sexual assault mentions 

I’m in my second semester of college, and it’s been a huge adjustment but is going great. I’m happier than I think I’ve ever been, I’ve been trying to find medications that work for me and seeing a therapist for the first time.

Most significantly, though, for genuinely the first time in my life, I’m making friends. Which is wonderful, it’s amazing to actually have human connection and I’m really proud of myself for being so social.

But...the more time I’m spending with others, the worse my PTSD symptoms are getting. It’s to the point that its almost as bad as the months following when my trauma ended. 
Without going into too much detail, I experienced repeated physical/sexual trauma over the course of about a year, and very genuinely feared for my life several times. 
Now, seemingly at random moments, or based off of truly tiny triggers (movement in my peripheral vision, a vaguely loud noise) I will have very vivid snapshots of memory pop into my mind. (In less extreme cases I don’t have an image, but still flinch and am suddenly terrified for no reason.)

And I have no idea what to do. Because: a. I am desperate to not have my general jumpiness and  strange zoning out when I’m having a flashback be noticed by my friends. I don’t want them to think that I’m afraid of them, or possibly worse have to explain my strange behavior. 
b. I can’t stand it. It’s awful and disruptive and makes me feel sick. And I just don’t want to remember, especially not while I’m enjoying myself.
c. I’m incredibly angry. Because I don’t want my abuser to be able to influence how I feel about my current friends. I don’t want them to be associated with him at all. He’s still influencing my life and I hate it.

How do I make this stop? Or is there anything I can do to help make it less obvious? 
Honestly, any advice at all would be appreciated.",3.930424987199181,5.8210054338624335,5.679240484724357,76.0633102918587,72.7037037037037,9.110223587642944,29.38931558286397,9.618343705623,3.019449121010412,1546,65,280,40,31,529,196,378,0.187,0.665,0.14800000000000002,-0.9654,1,0,0,0,1,0,55.0,0,0,3,4,16,16,2,2,13,1,33,7,0,12,4,64,65,27,0,5,9,0,2,0,4,2,7,1,0,1,16,17,0,1,12,0,1,4,11,7,0,3,3,6,37,9,45,55,8,41,0,0,2,0,14,14,0,8,22,191,53,2,0.0944577628980599,0.1119170031865084,0.09217715089239786,0.0,0.0,0.18460606538183744,0.0,0.0,0.09458580514682556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284690357307767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777306905421071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886828651648795,0.11516115107479875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366154137828673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544245435027807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629124408158053,0.09552136611895023,0.0,0.0,0.10347386219585013,0.08633268404216779,0.16069144973463842,0.0,0.0,0.2919113332097171,0.0,0.049350282513844726,0.0,0.1073650468699353,0.0,0.0,0.10414001706030772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325748521077956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331304738638173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663131687349373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015493414846025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783077412660271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951562586591335,0.0,0.0,0.09537541364566834,0.0,0.07539528516560748,0.0,0.13887464835914048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754078912127832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929311738580273,0.10648693512789054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041607005642493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060512061641749625,0.09711831217740086,0.0,0.0,0.10700223192309022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527060754196488,0.08599079975692267,0.0,0.10671038574153913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628779392799808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086818293291432,0.07897091932141936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963555657650839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967274305608687,0.0,0.12104944085555365,0.0928042724590865,0.0,0.22031632462026474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413062063738317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558750936161908,0.22285454349409714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910539127006002,0.1024354145645474,0.06876637637631414,0.0,0.2887815904367085,0.06710008463716695,0.0,0.0,0.060827702386944786
ptsd,Luna_1406,2020/03/12,"Is it my PTSD from abuse or my panic attack making me feel trapped... So,I have a history of dating shit assholes. 1 in particularly was movie style abusive all around and I dated him twice...well my current fiance..isnt mean doesn't raise a hand but when he is mad...he's just soo...degrading and saying that everything i didn't do causes him problems. Apparently I can't seem to listen to him. For example money..biggest fights...happen around that and with the stock situation he wants me to cash out but I cant do that due to cxyz. But he wants it out asap...and I can barely even get him off the topic or to take a moment to think hey shes 19 and theres a baby due in 2 months time,and a wedding in 2 days. Mabye she has other things....like I just get told to go away cause he's done yelling...I just feel like crap... then when he starts yelling at his parents cause they hear him yelling..all I can think of is blaming my self cause shit I pissed him off this bad... now his parents are in a bad mood theres a bunch of yelling and slamming things and I'm in the basement bathroom having a panic attack while writing this all.. did I get my self into a another bad relationship...am I about to permentaly fuck my self over..",1.3343873517786555,3.37728414624506,3.001859288537553,91.56557154150198,81.05533596837945,5.6290276679841895,21.18719367588933,6.742157984588678,0.3289217075098816,951,28,208,10,25,314,144,253,0.228,0.759,0.013000000000000001,-0.9951,4,1,0,0,6,0,51.0,0,0,1,0,12,15,7,2,12,0,19,6,5,5,2,37,39,15,0,3,8,2,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,3,9,12,0,0,6,0,1,1,4,13,0,0,5,8,29,1,30,34,3,30,0,0,0,1,28,15,5,3,15,123,38,1,0.0,0.2526944432393107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181802776760708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18985879726272933,0.0,0.2426296071105108,0.1001888243085736,0.0,0.2671119291495405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381816490995543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877194191644563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912651395351226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043262911350108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583831854319692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078375838417566,0.07618138197655559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985840430695236,0.16714004764883664,0.0,0.060604175348021164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429860812883216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018747223849605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209737507552921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071180920779474,0.0,0.0,0.11615878373495825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851165107416357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502307182378329,0.23681518915811894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203705717137236,0.12465276299921756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144880617031136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480189767681287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707817690609012,0.3337364517736623,0.0,0.21892237394087208,0.0,0.11986427948826202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547810636224588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017763484904064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084478016008848,0.13665716642916434,0.0,0.0,0.062180800728812276,0.0,0.0,0.10189607334854887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579434578351067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,silkmagicmischief,2020/03/12,"new here, hello hi there, today i had a really bad episode and feel the need to talk and see if anyone can relate. 
today i was having a really bad episode and completely lost control of myself i have a habit of hitting myself in these moments and today i broke my own nose. frustrated and embarrassed i am just looking forward to talking about this withy therapist in hopes it will help her understand me more 
anyways, made better light of my day and continuing with set plans after being hours late and am headed to hospital now to give this ridiculous injury fixed. 
man, this really hit me haha no pun intended",6.8939378881987565,7.502638443478265,7.3371428571428625,71.72000000000001,64.56521739130434,10.397515527950313,32.08074534161491,10.290406445055957,3.4495962732919248,491,18,81,11,7,161,85,115,0.20199999999999999,0.708,0.09,-0.9303,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,6,10,2,1,4,1,9,2,2,3,0,17,20,8,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,4,5,12,3,12,12,2,15,0,2,2,0,8,3,0,2,12,58,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913722251525492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845288804980961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069177341647255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864553405488146,0.0,0.19110137609582112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988429291870899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861518252960644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634489121302566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486426715311065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420553995428867,0.0,0.0,0.169230847879532,0.1677950005484665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922018125495208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308057014821612,0.0,0.1859954623379902,0.0,0.0,0.16122249993081444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263383915887836,0.0,0.16455898985864392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32745917115796697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577486366366995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738981761872993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783023177751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484515452286373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737689648159413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sillybannanabench,2020/03/12,j am having an anxiwty attack i think i ran into someon wfrom my past and i think it triggered my memories. i can feel my brain shut down cant stop crying hands going numb i think,-0.02947368421052232,2.2782076315789475,2.5897894736842098,90.03152631578949,91.10526315789473,5.145263157894737,15.494736842105262,6.742157984588678,-0.057437894736842125,142,3,29,2,5,49,30,38,0.149,0.731,0.12,-0.2635,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,3,2,1,0,8,10,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,2,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,17,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536365975712035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470112539454969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414539806940498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571750319107951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766631420123532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29674136986525884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263382082159136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598844063622846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5975401264329606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Livkatrianna,2020/03/12,"Found out I was molested as a kid Turns out this rash I had when I was 7 was not from the pool as my mother had told me then. It was an STD and the doctors had told my mother I had been molested.

I lived with severe depression that began when I was 7. Very abnormally severe for someone that age. I have no specific memory of being molested. My mother kept this secret from me because all this time she thought my father had molested me and didn’t want her family falling apart. She doesn’t know for sure. He was diagnosed with “sex addiction” when they got divorced, turns out he was spending tens of thousands on young women in strip clubs. 

Now my father is an overly touchy man. I remember him touching my thighs when I was a kid and giving me massages before I fell asleep. Creepy kind of stuff now that I have gotten older and been able to reflect. I had this feeling that something really bad happened to me as a kid, worse than the shit I already was going through, so I asked my mother and she confessed. She said she never would have told me had I not asked. 

Now I asked my father if he knew of any of this happening to try and gauge his fear and see if he really was the damn creep. My father is an excellent liar. He lived a double life for over 20 years, so he is a master manipulator. I asked him and he had this very strange look on his face before getting emotional and that anything had ever happened to me and quickly changing the subject by turning on the TV. Weird reaction. Don’t know how to feel. 

Despite my dad being this mysterious creep of a man he is the life of the party. The “cool dad”. Everyone loves him, and I mean everyone. I do still love my dad but I can’t shake this terrible feeling that he may have molested me as a kid. I don’t know. I never will. How the hell do I deal with this? Should I just keep my skeptical resentments towards my father to myself and try to go along and have a healthy adult relationship with my parents?",3.5702199661590512,4.958363111675133,4.776162436548223,84.21177326565146,72.70558375634519,7.994450084602369,26.585109983079533,8.548686976883017,1.810461861252115,1542,53,311,27,30,509,188,394,0.147,0.795,0.057999999999999996,-0.9868,1,0,1,0,1,0,32.0,0,0,1,2,15,23,11,2,21,1,43,14,5,3,5,55,81,29,0,5,6,13,4,0,0,4,6,1,0,8,17,21,0,2,14,3,1,5,10,17,0,2,33,8,59,6,41,42,2,35,2,1,2,4,58,11,3,3,19,222,76,2,0.09527957238948276,0.0,0.0,0.10386879769763503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051433774084515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479337650060414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840696973084141,0.0,0.3562941535493211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955446311482063,0.05808154297561083,0.0,0.16215179686269807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079315396762578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982290554215726,0.08206415608453642,0.09670676035608236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752267968180778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071766946583266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618582808475135,0.0,0.18208742906904654,0.0,0.0,0.08982110118401543,0.10721600823606994,0.14452864389285264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446913324199893,0.0,0.0,0.04977964405417727,0.09140084780469986,0.10829915341510084,0.0,0.0762037779944527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527662335951988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468886177168093,0.0,0.09921901262801944,0.15708948362752576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459755946081214,0.0,0.0,0.1682672160452002,0.0,0.08001084403366872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198706808875674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103787386495925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697096005217825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057966895613351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207706769117962,0.0,0.0,0.10229460336174576,0.10793318187468633,0.0,0.09063269214493244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592548330659536,0.0,0.0,0.2152775930961506,0.09780311185355782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073007249170973,0.07335086976416609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609038958788204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907231494798343,0.0,0.0,0.08979986938966507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564133764573618,0.05555828487833172,0.0,0.0,0.2731311436035699,0.0,0.12937715067413502,0.3109104436253858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723125141074346,0.05619836040391521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709802422647844,0.06768387452100755,0.0,0.0,0.06135692075533855
ptsd,Classic-Rule,2020/03/12,"TW// TRAUMA I just needed to get this out. around 9 years ago I went to Mexico with my family by car. we had the time of our lives you know. it was my dad, sister, a few uncles, aunts, cousins, and myself. my mom stayed back in the states. we took 3 cars. on our way back to the states we stopped in Zacatecas to look around and when we were leaving to go back on the road again that's when it all started. as we were leaving suddenly we were being stopped by the group called los zetas. as we were driving, there were vans surrounding us with their guns out telling us to stop. they opened up the cars, took out all the grown ups from each car and started searching them to take all of our money and anything that was valuable. my sister and I were in one car. my 2 cousins in the other. and my other 2 cousins in the 3rd car. I was the oldest of them all. I didn’t know what to do. my sister and I were wearing our gold christ necklaces and they saw that. my dad tried to fight them so they wouldn’t touch us but of course they outnumbered him. the same thing was happening with my other family members behind us and all I could do was watch and cry as I tried to calm down my younger sister but how could I when I couldn’t even calm down myself. after that it seemed like the other people were done with my uncles and they took over their cars and took them away but we were still there. they covered my dads head and put him in the middle of the road with a gun being pointed at his head and that’s when I lost it. I started screaming for my dad. I then noticed that a man had gotten into the driver seat and started to drive away. I screamed at him to stop driving, I needed my dad with me and luckily he did.he was put in the middle seat in the front with the men beside him with his head still covered. my sister and I just continued to cry in the back seat. they took us to this warehouse and that’s when we reunited with my other family members. we didn't know what would happen to us, we were all scared. I don’t know how long we were in there but luckily some soldiers had found us and they escorted us as long as they could go so we could get back home safely. when we got back to the states I was completely out of it. I couldn’t sleep and when I did I would wake up screaming because of the nightmares. the nightmares where my dad does get shot right in front of me. the happy go child in me was gone and I became this isolated shy girl. I didn't want to talk to anyone and there was a point along the way where I started disliking anyone from Zacatecas. to this day I still have problems sleeping because I think about that night. every time I look at my dad I want to cry. I also can’t tell this story out loud because I start crying. my cousins and sister were all so young that they don’t remember much and were confused at the time as to what was going on and when they ask about it I have to go to another room bc I know I’ll burst out crying and as I type this whole thing with tears in my eyes, I think about how grateful I am to still be here. I know it was a long time ago but a day doesn’t go by without me thinking about it.",3.307990367486965,4.074065088012141,3.9279781619053935,92.41723873457808,72.6267071320182,6.944395328890941,23.430791053638586,6.895973343053719,0.5096995843504644,2459,60,560,20,46,778,237,659,0.10800000000000001,0.843,0.05,-0.9858,0,0,0,2,1,0,50.0,26,1,17,1,42,15,1,2,31,0,53,8,8,3,7,114,100,54,0,14,8,19,1,1,0,3,0,4,2,4,33,62,0,5,12,0,1,28,11,9,0,1,44,10,112,6,100,44,13,131,1,1,5,0,81,49,0,3,49,411,145,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254593373269153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04174505768494675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547372171780789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300019542671914,0.0,0.04295691019780383,0.09293977390244633,0.04880081455309825,0.0,0.09808896730663816,0.2408357165913543,0.0,0.09546359083834564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330297678056636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473167253184494,0.0,0.0,0.16671275124714338,0.0,0.2867013029041125,0.06733055117484782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045681377765791634,0.053419665982433626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03447821601916718,0.0,0.0439815273718024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763114774139335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057235615539338015,0.0,0.0,0.0818184801678211,0.0,0.1780019183391827,0.0,0.0417498451895082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232220413448812,0.05556885110452948,0.0,0.0,0.16071961481676206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052361779992181515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212956614372613,0.0,0.0,0.1105464762974471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02550273324301276,0.0,0.046094369631306455,0.13858851732289207,0.08767125304812905,0.0,0.056983471716480986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611370878034209,0.0,0.0,0.03837368326918165,0.07741264301085789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048987028195681806,0.0,0.0,0.05943109457365803,0.0,0.0,0.035372695057780575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036189545930616934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869348639701164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049949231533660286,0.0,0.1049526872448471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913346756124373,0.0445793013353538,0.0,0.0,0.05226222847148748,0.0,0.0,0.0475217579727335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447723981406433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22168848347389192,0.055639236260337836,0.16675089184867956,0.17456922952154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03924859612689414,0.041957122985082564,0.09125181165118768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935994481346777,0.10034472723826313,0.0,0.0,0.12175510735616267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28998571990520083,0.07088199763662659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023302453167103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061578911400913636,0.08286932271538633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048390776769898836,0.0,0.05828046412334568,0.0,0.050319825075007284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416407315878404,0.0,0.0,0.0336156816664232
ptsd,SHThrowAway213,2020/03/13,"Mental block when it comes to doing anything sexual. I don't even know how to word this post out properly.        
I cant have sex anymore.        
I got assaulted last year, and over the past few months I have found it harder and harder to do anything with my husband.      
I start to have flashbacks, I dissociate,  I slightly panic, and my husband is getting frustrated.       
I can still give him oral, which he is happy about,  but anything else is off limits.      
We havent had sex in 2 months.    
We tried earlier tonight,  and he felt like he was forcing me into it and stopped it.       
After he stopped it, I started crying which just made him feel even worse.       
I cant get over this mental block, and I'm very worried he is going to divorce me over it.",2.9193749999999987,4.640508854166669,4.003888888888889,87.73,75.04166666666666,6.466666666666668,26.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.263066666666666,561,21,113,6,12,182,88,144,0.19,0.773,0.037000000000000005,-0.9676,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,2,0,0,1,7,5,2,1,1,0,16,2,0,2,0,26,30,9,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,5,4,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,2,18,2,15,24,1,23,0,0,0,2,13,7,0,0,14,74,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893103622019025,0.0,0.0,0.3956314640802584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804648103226586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603385299263707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338734476263155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169534803950127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103032334037771,0.0,0.15387103313113035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757125940785251,0.0,0.0,0.1674544454925881,0.15373229939160332,0.09107726173526458,0.0,0.12817148084278587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170595648977153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880725876121008,0.1306301493251133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829305882353124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163824160710734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230010080872561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558298560220088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880260599890705,0.0,0.0,0.15298262616097538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348109042544172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22686025208528365,0.0,0.12798076641414402,0.2679626302300969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880340467064012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222810507863778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274789681664406,0.16331470538012427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319970479334616
ptsd,throwaway_123_abcd,2020/03/13,"I think I was molested when I was 8-9 y/o. Does this count as being molested in your opinion? [19f] When I was 8-9, my mom used to go to this old man's house to clean it, cook for him, etc. Sometimes she used to take me along with her. And well he used to hug me a lot, sometimes even kiss my cheeks. My mom used to get a lot more money when she took me with her, so I suppose she was encouraged to do this. He never touched me inappropriately, because my mom was always around, but I remember that being hugged like that and kissed on the cheek used to make me feel so gross and I hated going there. He also used to ask me if I had a bf and similar things, acting almost jealous. 

I don't get why my mom used to do this, I remember that we had financial problems back then but still, I wonder if now I have problems socialising with men/guys also because of stuff like this. A while ago we ended up talking about this and I made a remark on pedophilia to my mom, acting quite pissed at her because she's the one who basically forced me to go there to get more money and she just shrugged it off like ""it's not a big deal, I was there with you, nothing bad could have happened to you"" but still I think it kinda traumatised me a little. She probably didn't realise that I wasn't that dumb at that age and I was aware of what was happening to me. Idk maybe I'm just exaggerating now. I need to hear other people's point of view (I don't know if it's relevant but my dad didn't know about this)",3.3240626883664888,3.742787379746837,4.804520795660039,87.41799578059073,72.35443037974684,8.044364074743823,25.17420132610005,8.11559375814309,1.1815315250150684,1156,32,266,16,21,389,155,316,0.134,0.765,0.10099999999999999,-0.9448,2,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,2,3,0,1,22,19,6,0,9,0,22,8,3,9,1,52,52,24,0,7,10,6,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,23,15,1,0,8,1,2,6,7,10,1,1,15,4,50,9,36,34,5,32,0,0,1,4,32,11,2,9,18,183,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459629889191126,0.0,0.08426678205740303,0.0,0.0,0.13459378169205705,0.07002179507765129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491375226704852,0.07867142297329711,0.0,0.0,0.06470823865183704,0.07026399681018895,0.15389613067260682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718909043073241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867577476683825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364260259027584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453432217410369,0.0,0.09385251510692193,0.05558207051764062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04255013808930465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318989512626141,0.0,0.14347777118026686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833244122095235,0.1488319249956101,0.0,0.0,0.08308337777829858,0.0,0.0,0.0948462188814777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710092742827814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249625597655432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333828844720655,0.0843431219552706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308724743204265,0.0,0.07962732782020865,0.05617258659902735,0.0,0.08454270691033272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4927931775303913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239816730068703,0.06490375689791332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807467937313498,0.0,0.08830411190542829,0.0,0.057024053390916964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834089248697539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955151040153803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073085323225756,0.16104555455319788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950676440000765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065722902336255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166458361619708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440892394867954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633471824860183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327236410464722,0.06763875970780317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055907320459658585,0.10784331575875768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349675588736556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087664488634395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566339157020642,0.0,0.0759347306005132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126002300949004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MamaLia10,2020/03/13,"Royally screwed- vent Everyone is sick of hearing about Coronavirus, but this crap is screwing with my PTSD recovery and I need to vent.

Ive been off work for a year recovering from PTSD. I attended an intensive outpatient program, I see a trauma focused therapist weekly and have been doing exposure therapy for 3 months.  I also go to a group therapy session once a week, see my regular therapist twice a month, and see a psychiatrist once a month. I couldn't work because of the appointments and my symptoms and it's been a tough year financially.  Getting back to work has been a major goal of mine. I like providing for my family and I thrive around routine.  I was finally released by my doctors to go back to work part time and I've been thrilled. I busted my ass looking for work for weeks and landed my perfect job 2 weeks ago. Last week was my first week and I loved it. I felt proud of myself for the first time I can truly remember. I was moving forward and things were looking up.

I love in Ohio and I have an 8 year old child.  All of the schools in the state are closed until April 6th.  I was planning to send my son to daycare while I worked. He's been going there for years on breaks/snow days/etc. I got a call this afternoon from the daycare saying theyre closing the facility for Coronavirus until school is back in session.  I called my new job and they told me to call back when I'm free, but the position will likely be filled.  I have no family to help babysit (they all work) and my husband makes so much more money than I do that we would lose money if I worked and he stayed home with the kiddo.  I completely understand why things are closing and I'm glad Ohio is taking the necessary steps to keep people safe. However, this is a big hit to my wallet and my self esteem. I've worked SO HARD to get to this point in my recovery and it hurts to come this far just to have something Im in no control over screw me.  I feel like every time I come up for air I get pushed back down.  

Thanks for reading. I wish you all peace and health during this crazy time.",3.2106278280542964,4.904649644230774,4.243783936651585,86.42915723981903,74.19230769230771,7.874886877828053,26.177601809954748,8.583994105835817,1.7798517533936649,1636,58,336,31,34,531,221,416,0.098,0.753,0.149,0.9824,4,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,1,1,2,17,14,20,4,0,22,0,31,11,2,2,4,47,61,28,0,5,4,2,3,3,0,2,4,2,1,2,12,27,0,3,4,1,3,12,3,8,0,3,14,10,50,13,51,42,7,69,0,2,5,6,21,21,5,1,39,209,62,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125844788786155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526417720643192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061519140460100936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656918858073997,0.0,0.042126478306077936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169537074280625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905768849781201,0.07245650185542771,0.0,0.07750844310167798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073309074608063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707164418643198,0.0,0.0,0.05822492666865563,0.06603390455473712,0.0,0.0,0.13029428891189554,0.0,0.03494215471121208,0.049369459891552184,0.06635275812311643,0.0757024286464166,0.0,0.11756334159636288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083153608477561,0.0,0.1178238826787953,0.0,0.05527051514234897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190555227231516,0.0,0.0,0.07345662453439074,0.0778876732896694,0.0,0.04632040739991805,0.0,0.06931912060515845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397958162870047,0.0,0.07464651961037005,0.0,0.13715441603404507,0.06142473693733048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056330750014326275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128534830352699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606355178445164,0.07731212479309259,0.0,0.0,0.12474202856162613,0.0,0.04612890344451166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547965083363458,0.07344891952248699,0.05080098459215368,0.05124134758248282,0.0,0.06674316722833487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251529791418554,0.14719162607641992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483524508820907,0.0,0.047909515287389716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532766540327259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615628234508768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691248686404511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828381636932777,0.0,0.0,0.05495599813838158,0.0,0.13987826188528246,0.16520600494739876,0.0,0.0720928042289881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053201303986528496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736579797188934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182776834270993,0.051959237613953775,0.0,0.0,0.06362367435527347,0.15805785046572535,0.16047517371963285,0.09182213401473016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118544809546356,0.0,0.0,0.06603390455473712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194195755870593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33259679503716577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235756741913556,0.0,0.07946868216622466,0.0,0.0,0.4527910171114109,0.0,0.0,0.0490910386605572,0.0,0.0,0.17800842461866978
ptsd,blowdontpopclouds,2020/03/13,"Your Friends Who Support Narcs Are Toxic Too This time two years ago I found out my narc was cheating me, and while ultimately it was the best thing to happen to me, I still remember the pain, shame, and insecurity I felt and just felt so fooled. Throughout our relationship, many friends of mine would privately ask if he hit me and offered to help me move out while he was at work, of course, I was too brainwashed and afraid to and couldn’t afford to live on my own at the time. I still live with so much pain and flashbacks from all of the horrendous things he did so I am easily triggered around the holidays this time of year and when I see posts of friends still being in contact with him and lying to themselves thinking we simply weren’t a match or give him the “boys will be boys” excuse infuriates me. I maintained contact with his friends for awhile since I moved to a new state for him not knowing anyone and eventually I learned from a lot of accounts online, my favorite being \*\*@he\_never\_hit\_me\_but\*\*, that even though I had no contact with him, associating with people who were ok with his behavior and/or still value him as a friend are not healthy to be around for healing. Some people are simply horrible people, it’s easier to admit to ones you see on tv instead of someone you went to school with, but this dismissal of behavior only perpetuates it and does not support you or other survivors. It also shows how manipulative your narc is to people who aren’t their supply. Learn to let go of those who are toxic, it is hard, but keeping them in your life is like drinking poison and keeping you bonded to your narc.",9.592416169039964,7.729042125401933,8.516015158474968,73.57303054662383,60.2218649517685,11.200826825907214,37.326825907211756,9.606745405546679,3.3537301791456136,1315,47,244,18,14,407,172,311,0.105,0.794,0.10099999999999999,-0.6261,3,0,1,0,1,0,35.0,2,8,2,2,18,18,2,3,10,1,25,6,0,3,1,52,43,27,0,3,9,0,3,1,5,2,5,0,0,2,17,24,1,2,9,4,1,4,7,8,0,2,12,5,39,10,46,22,6,30,0,0,2,0,43,10,0,5,15,184,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044493819228193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159470675510673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134293098673232,0.0,0.0,0.1816596746539076,0.09538585819959863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707596527648007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928862072966079,0.0,0.0,0.0999522137082086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739096989049373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959328489131328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118724832320536,0.39414715840229625,0.0,0.0,0.09787809562601013,0.05798696154782342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022628774633434,0.0,0.09140035443402217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838969201433279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138091079107715,0.0,0.0,0.05607394923801025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104334317322202,0.07206800107632888,0.04984753060163349,0.0,0.1801917056391652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867436953463796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344412057944072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21688708139200374,0.0750050331009913,0.0,0.0,0.09854284336054883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913931469828083,0.07759969903909132,0.21713782685225014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28294371133414065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977181562033294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954385227650908,0.11558201647454384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326151891586748,0.16261209592744832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440166949823913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645112102375913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259305622292107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23156870855673065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355706440824028,0.0653777879944472,0.10024561876414,0.0,0.17848649932956678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996701367199783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458440014602087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428028653584258,0.0,0.0,0.0724803861432607,0.0,0.0,0.13141012805134505
ptsd,stateofkinesis,2020/03/13,"Created Facebook online peer support group for Toronto  [Toronto Trauma Peer Support Network](https://www.facebook.com/groups/183711662902821/) 

​

Looking to connect and share resources.",27.198571428571434,30.389071714285716,15.076190476190472,24.37714285714287,22.333333333333343,12.20952380952381,78.14285714285714,11.20814326018867,10.800485714285717,170,12,7,2,1,40,18,21,0.102,0.547,0.35,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429224269058747,0.3845763212690345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26577626434787616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7183100254574103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845763212690345,0.0
ptsd,blackjackson1991,2020/03/13,"Not feeling human Anyone else ever feel like they're no longer a part of humanity because of their ptsd?

I've been abused fucked with and betrayed by the vast majority of people in my life that I no longer interact with other humans normally and it's made me kind of a psycho. 

For starters I've had to recently come to terms with the fact that I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I cant love or be loved. I view all humans as a potential threat and will never even consider a relationship because of that. My thinking being ""how long until you try to kill me too?"" 

I also dont talk to others normally. I move like a ghost. I'm not cold or mean in fact many people say I'm the nicest person they know and I'm always helpful and that's because I am. I've always been a nice soul but now i NEVER let anyone know anything about me. I'll help my coworkers and use that to build professional bonds but they'll never know who I am. ""Oh your daughter is a lesbian"" ""oh your husband worked on independence day"" stuff like that. Subtle friendly conversation. But I never let anyone know anything about me lest it be ammo against me in the future. 

I feel removed from humanity. Like some grotesque anthropologist studying a species hes not a part of and just mimicking what's normal to blend in. I'm not lacking empathy in fact quite the opposite I feel TOO much. But my minds been broken and I cant be one of them ever.",2.9296544715447155,4.670758369337982,4.532983449477354,83.86244846109177,75.06271777003485,7.292044134727062,25.198751451800238,8.07648339933343,1.4917155632984902,1120,38,225,18,24,376,154,287,0.096,0.8109999999999999,0.094,0.5091,0,1,0,0,1,1,24.0,0,3,4,2,11,12,3,0,15,0,20,6,0,4,10,53,40,18,2,4,11,2,4,4,1,2,2,1,0,6,13,12,0,0,10,0,0,3,13,3,0,1,5,7,30,9,32,26,9,24,1,0,1,4,27,7,1,3,18,149,43,2,0.0,0.12187670007824901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653580257791627,0.0,0.08226008800748594,0.17118172780695895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577413591157849,0.10539604762994824,0.16929617106147835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811432584760024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860799553040323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633859637991041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055552589610835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592944753252818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794052377368087,0.18609226634570325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080439711228318,0.07348586952432676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947226291378066,0.09509586119633648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789478037561004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380347711685555,0.10711674607555263,0.2261248643537692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037026705382825,0.1453113895943102,0.20101609123018685,0.0,0.0,0.09103116443825184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567706544118112,0.09733214881022767,0.0,0.10428767748698617,0.0,0.11204875790095994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386304451309088,0.0,0.0,0.10932786642974472,0.07561667746916421,0.0,0.3173394008144671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023538471528977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970312582809657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227827919711215,0.0,0.1426255177640822,0.08981664171375414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024219618943555,0.0,0.0,0.10940823898767756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156552416036596,0.11043715073319636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180136703231985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177543613335297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267797005676136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591092496109001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983772076374305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884123626903136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488602080523146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PizzaHut147,2020/03/13,"Dissociation? Could u guys describe what happens when you dissociate like the most realistic one cuz one time
I was able to take a taxi all around California but in my mind I was at a friends birthday party and it’s like I was behaving normally and functioning enough to get multiple taxis without people noticing anything junisial but I was immersed in an alternate reality of a birthday party with friends and demons and scary sh#t runnin around , and I’m trying to make sense of it cuz it has me questioning what’s real and what’s not it would help if someone could tell me they’ve had anything like that cuz I’ve heard of dissociation but haven’t heard of where people are still behaving normal but their immersed in another reality. I’ve heard of out of body experiences but that’s usually wher people are like looking at their body from an outside perspective , but this is where I was in a whole nother reality seeing it from MY perspective ( 1st person perception as they say in video games ) has anyone had anything like what I described? When u get flashbacks does u body still behave normally or does it “act out” the internal experience?",6.2790140845070495,7.84338347417841,6.733915492957749,72.07552112676056,66.37089201877934,10.187042253521126,34.38779342723005,10.355215969177356,3.8568925821596256,932,43,159,24,15,303,117,213,0.04,0.8190000000000001,0.14,0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,3,0,8,7,0,0,8,0,16,3,3,4,1,37,27,20,0,7,10,0,0,5,2,1,0,4,0,2,13,11,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,10,6,14,7,25,14,4,20,1,0,2,0,16,13,0,4,11,106,27,0,0.11376474407745668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929225349598027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954695422101027,0.0,0.2808560729740221,0.20254948351064195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791009527330472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816637820487435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991125883785278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117549391865018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256749890125208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578871813718733,0.0,0.11887476662763614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264498270426675,0.10060178747385792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625410989723476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277898537385292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955337326421122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593885006941771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486996083520296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343958839609093,0.0,0.1295219151598312,0.0,0.0,0.15417986968320574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366104476784672,0.09933498641769556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744254965154755,0.0,0.0,0.12948918503227555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047029067287073,0.0,0.0,0.0906557718586642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639249847628056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817053431523354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553692934915713,0.0,0.0994354007077692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633713714340223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772387935146642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529579303933788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270142739892489,0.0,0.1096651535863086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081521012265863,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,KilledYourDreams,2020/03/13,"Frustrated with the system (vent) Every single day I have to see the guy who raped me and my old friend who refused to help me/stayed friends with the guy at school. Administration is aware. They say there is ""nothing"" they can do and I cannot transfer because there are only 3 months til graduation. I try to avoid everything but I can't.

There are constant triggers all around my school and whenever I have breakdowns/flashbacks I always get the same automated ""There is nothing we can do"" ""I wish we could help"".

I've kinda given up as it seems nobody really cares. Coping mechanisms only work to a certain extent and everything has become too overwhelming.",3.6079634300126138,6.445481549180329,4.319180327868853,80.8112547288777,77.77049180327869,7.032534678436318,25.778058007566198,8.139509932561175,1.9941076923076928,527,20,90,10,13,168,84,122,0.066,0.799,0.134,0.8569,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,2,1,6,8,2,2,5,0,15,1,0,1,2,20,21,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,9,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,14,4,11,19,4,9,0,1,1,1,14,3,0,2,5,61,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378313807305998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746074274769566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009767323454042,0.1829438411415575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888791983853307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790053092047682,0.0,0.13225546551371858,0.0,0.0,0.10682846179802742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956454639606944,0.0,0.2977452683746535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25595656423199936,0.0,0.08654359950490427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280326866989968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22205907392343188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322176699211371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178850829864841,0.0,0.17381841831700193,0.0,0.0,0.25196366291204103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611756126158936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172895855368116,0.0,0.3352867455168373,0.1319990278024274,0.1507985964048285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655741477219106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246328218862002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904856083776437,0.0,0.0,0.12059282000757883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jimmyray01,2020/03/13,"Need to ask about PTSD and cannabis use Hello,

I'm trying to write this very carefully, I know the group has rules specifically about medical advice, but I'm trying to get my PTSD back under control again. I can't really handle it through exercise because of an injury, and going back on medication isn't an option.

I've used low THC Indica cannabis joints to handle things when it gets bad, but it's expensive. I'm thinking about trying drops or sprays to see if it ends up being more affordable, but I'm not too sure about how to take or how much, or how often.

I wanted to ask about people's experiences with the oils, and sprays, I know it might be hard to not violate the community rules on this, if anyone had any advice, or even any links or other information I'd really appreciate it.",7.371346153846152,6.465143057692307,8.126538461538463,71.53096153846157,63.93589743589744,11.646153846153846,31.038461538461537,10.9516,3.2271307692307696,631,18,120,15,8,213,96,156,0.096,0.848,0.055999999999999994,-0.7442,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,15,5,1,0,5,0,7,3,0,6,1,34,26,17,0,4,12,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,5,1,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,3,5,2,20,22,2,12,0,1,1,0,6,5,0,10,5,74,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28830451523346123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063372778279148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314756858130332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758176378304195,0.0,0.0,0.2268634894169215,0.12317083441651035,0.08992521390257037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040378079467007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545326372957175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065659614629418,0.0,0.0,0.097433825501688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430028516932505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414346486784694,0.0,0.08383751564941794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214657986356088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214336710466284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29721644267112396,0.0,0.15649260777359222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108442233711511,0.10938225380558113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022699637715834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448798010591631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900679738032455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755223737545376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903336670445246,0.0,0.11091469651701556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800397961433402,0.0945231682744469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004638139527916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548152716875078,0.0,0.12171727188116448,0.08700956140951538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ahhfuckingfuck,2020/03/13,"Question... So I've been diagnosed with PTSD. That's nothing new to me.
But my question is.. if someone who already has PTSD experiences a new trauma/traumatic event, does already having PTSD cause that event to be more likely to be like an added issue.. if that make sense?

For a little more perspective, and I'll try not to go into major detail, I just had an incident that threatened my life and coworkers lives. I didn't even necessarily get the ""brunt"" of it, but it wasn't far off and the rest of the situation was traumatic in itself.
This could just be me, but I feel like I shouldn't be as.. off.. as I am because I didn't get the brunt of it. But I'm having nightmares and that situation just continuously plays in my head. I feel like maybe because I already had this mental illness maybe that just caused this situation to become ingrained more than I'd expect I guess.

Thanks in advance, guys.",4.957424242424242,5.96855140909091,5.885681818181819,78.9881060606061,69.0,8.593939393939394,29.43939393939393,8.841846274778883,2.2672098484848484,712,26,137,12,12,235,98,176,0.062,0.8540000000000001,0.085,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,8,0,18,4,1,3,0,28,27,13,0,5,11,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,14,6,0,0,4,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,7,2,14,6,19,14,5,15,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,5,9,94,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760636086641667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849250541851302,0.1254563814954638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333860216402967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069609576804784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529619261531615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940745579852224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502820410779851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111737831037004,0.0,0.0,0.1148737503172408,0.16230410104215562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869704678471985,0.0,0.06455846523162846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513732895915536,0.1124765764966296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658089712738424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856331619441987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023527044026983,0.22198645939218964,0.11385169552365935,0.10030616929238402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582532016825831,0.0,0.22824221590957336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447670336748896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219420868316098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899714358793523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983582494060372,0.0,0.2545040416480946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830554846470572,0.0,0.0,0.09624839001513694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458270450917473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712332017545277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,artashi_,2020/03/13,Today I did some Wim Hoff breathing - lots of fast deep breaths and I had memories or trauma resurface I forgot those feelings existed but they are still in me. Why did this happen? Why do I remember a horrible time in my life again?,1.0429523809523822,3.6387876444444487,2.6504761904761907,87.51,94.77777777777777,6.126984126984127,24.20634920634921,7.447530270364453,1.7549682539682538,184,8,34,4,7,60,39,45,0.156,0.8440000000000001,0.0,-0.7912,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,0,8,8,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,7,0,3,4,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,5,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716642118317622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002236449403833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23980281697427974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28863548576558035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845936161432816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711295782916036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979684219157399,0.0,0.3218115729652048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6127019212880451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Nugacity5,2020/03/13,"My 13 year old brother almost got me killed. Hi guys. I am 20F. I have a history of trauma from my childhood, and have been diagnosed with PTSD when I was 13. Anyways, this happened recently.
My brother told me I was taking him to a friends house so he could give him something he had left. I didn’t smell anything or notice anything. This little boy had marijuana on him. He was doing a drug deal without my knowledge or consent. It is illegal in my state and I have 2 kids at home. I didn’t know what was happening until in the moment it happened, and this “friend” had a gun. He pointed it at us and stole my purse and his phone and shit. 
I called the police, freaking the hell out. I don’t live in a big town. I went to a parking lot and the police officer drove my to the station. I was hyperventilating and shaking uncontrollably. I kept blacking out here and there. It was really bad. My brother was just angry. 
They managed to catch the guy, who was a god damn minor. Found my purse in a back yard. He had my prescriptions on him. My brother did not get charged in the middle of this. And I am absolutely upset about it.

When I dropped him off, after all of this. He had the audacity to tell me he was still going to do it and that our mother knew about it.

I am pissed. I am getting my number changed. I could have died that night. My kids could have lost me. I had random people harassing me for getting their friend jailed. I deactivated my social media but I am terrified. The newspaper put my damn address in it. I can’t leave my place often. I have been having mental breakdowns off and on all day. I can’t breathe or sleep, I keep having nightmares. My anxiety is so bad. I just want to be okay again. 


Earlier today, I heard a really loud noise and it scared me. Next thing I know I was in my dining room on the floor freaking out. I don’t know what to do. My therapist talked to me for a few hours yesterday on the phone but it didn’t help much. 

My job gave me the rest of the week off, and have been extremely supportive of my mental health which is great though.. I just hope I feel normal again soon :(",0.9860824889396298,3.338633000000001,2.7601541315827056,90.86745254745256,84.96736596736595,5.739803054088769,21.342514628228926,7.127189543769624,0.6513705437419723,1643,54,348,24,49,543,212,429,0.151,0.774,0.07400000000000001,-0.9836,1,0,2,1,0,0,55.0,2,0,2,1,19,24,7,4,23,1,51,8,4,0,2,49,78,25,2,6,10,5,1,0,3,0,3,2,4,5,22,18,1,2,7,1,0,6,9,17,0,0,33,5,70,7,43,41,6,58,1,1,1,0,44,29,5,8,21,252,92,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184533590608702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780593334897673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673931574866694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820676357260542,0.16984297210645047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038546946888395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759301343745377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24361540753321914,0.0,0.0,0.06559290172743715,0.10485593181572908,0.0,0.10323093738912677,0.10555629250176417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179483709473503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514263509386604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115169871588284,0.2357368085469147,0.0,0.15941385999349894,0.09756706937858492,0.0578026969589544,0.0,0.08134475196971577,0.1121328406763436,0.0,0.20141276416311535,0.2698187297172779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811028064227672,0.0,0.0,0.06817237077270319,0.0,0.10202088143855473,0.10101846296107944,0.1001613669159526,0.1173567606270871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092896660277488,0.09040226924072477,0.1125242422679162,0.0,0.16768729082778572,0.0,0.0,0.10769352143372372,0.11050545974836076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193760076243412,0.08980955612743892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111025714038224,0.08646805077157636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049944083977154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476669035602675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816704427702643,0.0954455672882975,0.09965172245347886,0.0,0.11579462451750185,0.1067248768651295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051115098176365,0.0,0.10626265497333713,0.0,0.09614643043046453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188905853988392,0.1022440954419717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031281458580826,0.0,0.10042385291052076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182691679695413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440125260158588,0.0,0.0,0.1017809182354921,0.10367795358965837,0.0,0.07829937655011493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122371398378543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541642749156562,0.0,0.0,0.07647135702203928,0.08174860881740685,0.08889680850144155,0.0,0.0,0.11809020749942845,0.06756992130000243,0.0,0.09992706926207197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640678572916647,0.09718584264616804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122341559072544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998969878493372,0.0,0.08158359458185073,0.0,0.0,0.09428384024184386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980423680927706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549627369960381
ptsd,karathrace99,2020/03/13,"Hahahaha. I might never get to see my senior friends again. I have social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and depression, and I use a wheelchair. (Important for later.)
***
School closed—online classes only thru the rest of the semester—due to Coronavirus. As of today. (Plan as of yesterday was to come back Apr. 6. Then, shortly after that letter from the University President, the POTUS announced his travel ban and the WHO declared COVID-19 pandemic. Today, the plan to return was cancelled—commencement might still happen, but the semester is gonna be all online.)

This has hit the performing arts—theatre, dance, music—department(s) disproportionally hard. My head is spinning still. I’m nauseous—still. The dorms were going to remain open (I was going to come back by Apr. 6 for sure), but now, everyone has to return from Spring Break, effectively rushing the campus (which is also horrible for disease control) and clean out our lives. We have until March 23 to get out of the dorms. I’m tearing down my life and packing it into boxes tomorrow.

And... This year, I had finally overcome a huge trauma I dealt with years ago, where I had a falling out with some folks I was very close with for a long time. The last time I saw them, I had no idea it would be the last time. That trauma’s at the root of so many things I struggle with. Then, today, as I read that letter and started shaking, crying, screaming... I’m a junior, and that whole swath of seniors—I may never get to see them again. Friends, crushes, what have you... People I loved (love—fuck, it’s happening already), so, so much.

“No, no, no,” I said. “I can’t do it again, I can’t do this again.”

I’ll probably be working/writing thru this for a long time. A lot of other students—the seniors, and performing arts seniors, especially; those affected by COVID-19 personally; and those for whom it’ll be very hard to get home—are being hit harder than I am. 

But I finally found my theatre family this year. This semester started with a serious, serious injury for me, but this week has still been the craziest (sorry, I hate that word, but I can’t think of a better one right now) week of the semester. My heart is breaking. And I feel like I’m back to square one (or at least, it feels like I’ve lost so much progress).

😞🏳️‍🌈❤️
***
*3/12/20*",2.6381170939756733,5.2474156993166305,3.9921737023215282,83.0770193379538,79.93394077448747,7.107468618232929,25.96912712644793,8.197803283752503,2.0013432947220475,1808,73,332,37,47,593,230,439,0.152,0.775,0.07200000000000001,-0.9798,0,0,0,0,0,0,107.0,2,1,2,9,18,17,1,2,25,0,35,4,2,5,4,54,66,28,0,1,6,0,4,2,2,6,1,2,3,1,26,25,0,2,6,4,0,9,9,10,0,2,13,10,33,7,51,40,8,73,0,2,4,1,16,13,0,6,51,222,59,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783780893000772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757254114782132,0.07070862494117004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528055265658756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039662094303046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781994009474468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523302411779084,0.0,0.0,0.09916940249700698,0.0,0.0,0.09712409574416206,0.0,0.0,0.07615513638309318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026716186124255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448812280549987,0.0,0.0,0.08335354358243684,0.0,0.08941458416660834,0.12633307142094274,0.0,0.1937173375186764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694684585158496,0.1366245664868531,0.08174192060404077,0.1847810670540508,0.0,0.10050108588217896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563772208713858,0.0,0.15841207446366118,0.08729543555901062,0.09074338053408808,0.0,0.0,0.10477691491671703,0.0,0.0,0.08869144440191583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981426402034868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414653675344094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245293917974705,0.08639409309069679,0.0,0.07807557768293605,0.15649602669125678,0.0,0.0,0.09651975953309944,0.07517065339381705,0.15960315990985546,0.0,0.0,0.08964296601216795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875971263216831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999624522594685,0.0,0.13638833372755324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982997589201565,0.06724661725142324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061298586513200165,0.07720404130658533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953306132146616,0.0,0.10335705392981903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844290565564497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755093242905637,0.0841066960337001,0.0,0.0,0.08948472642706855,0.14091695600231913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901320134353062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897780715386836,0.12516681575445274,0.0,0.21183453067641148,0.0,0.0,0.09243471385854027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333384058088837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058741640277146526,0.056655311044345076,0.0,0.0,0.2062312689969824,0.0,0.2514325583909671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636560824108457,0.0,0.14590983403929586,0.0,0.0,0.14184874196215652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871663156381197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281030526620826,0.0,0.0,0.1708167691393561
ptsd,CooperArt,2020/03/13,"I made an appointment with a therapist that specializes in CBT and PTSD. Trigger warning: drowning, prolonged emotional and physical abuse at the hands of family members.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety, DID, and depression. 
I have been avoiding water for years. I grew up swimming regularly, but it's been six years since I did, and ten years since I stopped regularly going. 

I've had episodes for a while now, on and off. Bad nightmares. Visceral nightmares. I'd go into detail but I'm trying not to trigger anyone.

Then I started getting flashbacks. My sister used to attack me. She used to choke me, drown me, and physically attack me. My mother assaulted me a few times when I was very little, and gave me a really bad scare when I was a young teen. My father would go on rampages that I was always terrified would escalate to violence but rarely did. 

Two weeks ago, I had... an episode. Something I haven't had in that severity since 2008. My fiancee made a comment like my father would have made, before he would force an intense cleaning episode where he screamed at me for an hour while I cleaned as fast as possible while crying. I don't fully remember all of what happened, but I threw money at her, told her I was a worthless piece of shit, did all of the chores I could manage (made myself sick while doing so) and then climbed under the bed to cry. 

It was... intense. She and I made a plan for what to do if it were to happen again, but it's scary to me that it happened, so I finally bit the bullet and am getting a consultation with a therapist that specializes in CBT and PTSD. I wanted to share that with someone, since I rarely let myself dwell on this, and it's a big step.",5.209182933630789,6.208893917177918,5.789704406023425,79.94607919687677,68.41717791411043,8.994757389849413,31.68934746235359,9.218907990703514,2.7670171779141097,1331,55,250,25,22,431,168,326,0.254,0.718,0.028999999999999998,-0.998,0,1,1,0,1,0,48.0,0,0,0,2,7,16,4,3,19,0,30,5,2,9,2,44,51,30,2,7,7,4,1,1,1,4,2,1,4,0,15,17,1,2,1,1,1,8,3,12,0,3,24,2,40,4,36,21,5,46,0,2,0,0,16,16,1,1,23,179,55,2,0.0,0.11253538404917318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419375141533704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903069851985246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265919164022623,0.0,0.0,0.06641199736317649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21610618474916812,0.0,0.0,0.1586081231578784,0.0,0.0,0.08082070810392672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036932059166884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583354216734584,0.0,0.20866142684892727,0.0,0.0,0.08180585516816014,0.09640237113170497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683935080730457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953838490625514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404559173064916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924592041435584,0.0,0.16193741485595162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25197063960043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353584798027394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712315307286012,0.0,0.04640227174703816,0.09519458671515288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493603264470504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070753129519212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220523154697571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060846412096231414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075934569434152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509122432216877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729999820891528,0.0974952718096024,0.3142726756324136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080475970668226,0.07311999433960722,0.0,0.0,0.06722710304108745,0.0,0.0,0.0794072614662678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055744718208936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538341247872298,0.0,0.0,0.0907571500218712,0.0,0.06448496490486579,0.0,0.09278134168983936,0.0,0.0,0.1640638881183993,0.0,0.0783681792058272,0.05602147333550713,0.0,0.07618696644680982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26988334495668115,0.0,0.0,0.1834913906031618
ptsd,RolltehDie,2020/03/13,I’m having a hard time I don’t want to get so angry over every little injustice anymore. It’s too much. I want to be somewhere where people are kind to each other and don’t take advantage of or hurt others. I’m having a hard time this week,2.279615384615384,3.4073223461538475,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,75.53846153846153,6.7384615384615385,20.69230769230769,7.1686216300943375,0.5251384615384618,190,4,40,2,4,66,39,52,0.248,0.609,0.14300000000000002,-0.7813,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,12,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,5,11,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270995358787723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302289738743764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276436691066582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895652976220664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925249397557487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845528487090879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738731193981741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087373610649487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944048837029065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545362001452366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186741696531617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223455489456889,0.0,0.21918853664134347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,VoidingTorment1998,2020/03/14,"Anyone waiting until MDMA assisted psychotherapy becomes legal? Although I'm not officially diagnosed I am anxiously counting down the days. As Dr Todd Grande has mentioned in his video titled ""chronic suicidality"" many people who are chronically suicidal have a block to attempting suicide (pets, extended family, friends). In my case, and I'm not sure how common this is to others, is the acceptance of this type of therapy.

I've been in therapy for a long while and have exhausted myself financially. I also gave myself a mild traumatic brain injury after an attempted suicide 7 months ago, for which symptoms cleared up 4 months after the injury (I still feel like there was lasting damage).

I am so irritable all the time and I just wish it would end. I'm constantly on edge. It's like a blanket of stress that is permanentely on me. My friends have access to MDMA and sometimes I think to myself, ""fuck it"", im tired of suffering. However, I know there can be unknown substances within the mixture and because I value and need my intelligence I am very hesistant to try.

Is anyone else in this situation?

Have you an official diagnosis of PTSD and how did you get it?",4.916953298739807,7.453383408450705,6.454405732641464,68.75490733876947,71.7230046948357,9.742426488757104,32.80677044724487,10.064110947511567,4.0873342723004695,938,46,147,28,19,319,141,213,0.204,0.7040000000000001,0.092,-0.9829,1,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,2,0,2,8,12,1,1,11,0,19,9,1,2,3,24,31,15,4,3,3,0,1,2,2,1,7,0,1,0,11,7,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,1,19,7,25,25,1,24,0,2,0,1,8,9,1,0,17,105,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114771534847856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005688746134972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420710939728185,0.0,0.17586626795530497,0.12885424943734378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666109818023464,0.13889017243347646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403878640904754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590005603260702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110370585501285,0.0,0.0,0.12764203687672582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505493057239956,0.0,0.11138453510845668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185537419247974,0.0,0.0635871798606697,0.08984176138230346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432111581255676,0.11626153062280425,0.06570352619276784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584055441533927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911347799712653,0.10250980692092347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287831537685845,0.0,0.0,0.11129214645963023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274991872117508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007581655606519,0.0,0.0,0.0932481929623224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718497730877567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700473394492852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135760886249366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437818365488815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043074835698412,0.0,0.1440557185555832,0.0,0.0,0.5502367164540173,0.0,0.11852571834643075,0.1307110354912621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876311735500951,0.0,0.0,0.0805808467828075,0.0,0.0,0.07333068154838289,0.14454067689160816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538163710865643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376377575283756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461584947915868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933509483473002,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Anarasha,2020/03/14,"How do you deal with new and unexpected trauma? TW: Loss of friendship, depression, anxiety, low key suicidal, emotionally broken, sexual discomfort Trigger warning: 
Loss of friendship, depression, anxiety, low key suicidal, emotionally broken, sexual discomfort

I don't know if the stuff I'm about to write is actually triggering, but I'd rather post a warning too many than too few. 
There is no violence or physical/real life confrontation in the post to come. It took place via chat. 

Hey all. First time here - let me start by saying thank you for having this community. 
I am sorry my first post is gonna be jumping right in and asking for help, but I have nowhere else to turn. 
My friends can only do so much and my therapy sessions are cancelled for at least 2 weeks as my entire country is on lockdown of all non-essential things. 


So, here goes. 
3 days ago was a day as days normally are. Get up, eat some, whatever else. 
However, completely out of the blue I get a message from a guy I considered my best real life friend. A guy I have had movie weekends with, making costumes, crafting jewellery, playing Dungeons & Dragons, a lot of hugging and a ton of common interests. 
I'm not exaggerating when I'm saying this guy might be the best part about my daily life in real life(except for the hobbies that keep me busy and alive). 
In the message, less than 2 weeks after we hung out, laughed, talked and hugged, he wrote to me that he realized it was gonna seem like thunder from a clear sky, but he didn't feel comfortable around me anymore and because he was unable to tell me when something was crossing a boundary of his he had to end our friendship effective immediately. 
The behaviour he was triggered by was what I considered normal jokes. Normal jokes with awcual undertones, pretty normal stuff. But what I didn't know was that he has a traumatic past that made such jokes incredibly uncomfortable to him and he never told me I was crossing his boundaries so I did not see it coming a mile away, especially since he and I had been together and had fun shortly before then. 

I cried for several hours, just looking at my computer at nothing, crying and wiping my face. When I was done crying I started imagining what I was gonna do now. And the thought of suicide entered my mind and presented itself as a logical option to solve all my problems. I don't think I'm gonna make an attempt, in my 30 years I haven't ever, but the fact that the thought entered my mind and seemed like a reasonable option scared me. 

I made it through the day. And I slept. But things didn't get better. 
Since then I've been unable to find the motivation to live. I am a hobby artist and usually I am so passionate and active that I forget to go to bed and sometimes remember that I haven't showered for 2 days. Gross, I know, but that should say something about the magnitude of my obsession with my hobbies. 
For the last 3 days I have done none of it. I have been immersing myself in a large computer game to disconnect from reality. I have a constant sadness and it feels like my entire body is slugging through a hot, dry environment but without being dry. My chest feels like it's being compressed. Whenever I stop and let my mind rest my pulse starts racing and I feel an overwhelming anxiety. 
And since then I have hated myself and my own sexuality to the point where just thinking about sexual desires or activity will make me nauseated, guilty, sad, angry and deeply uncomfortable. 

How do you all deal with being traumatized like this? I was already fragile, but I was making real progress. Now it feels like I've been dragged 5 years back, like being pulled backwards into a vat of icy water, struggling to get back up. 
I don't remember the last time I felt this broken. I feel like I've lost everything. And I have no idea what to do. 

Thank you for reading this. And thank you for letting me share.",5.344426705370104,6.643563161725067,6.005188679245283,77.42342888243834,68.32614555256065,9.37346050176239,32.058988181629694,9.661875296680813,3.105909724238026,3094,132,564,68,52,1008,344,742,0.166,0.6729999999999999,0.161,0.7098,2,1,2,0,0,1,91.0,2,5,0,12,29,48,2,6,36,0,68,12,4,14,8,124,122,53,3,9,18,0,9,8,2,7,3,4,2,3,30,38,2,2,26,9,0,10,15,20,0,2,36,16,76,28,76,70,17,83,0,10,3,3,42,27,0,10,51,375,106,5,0.0,0.0,0.055642887001759116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505444192085013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292252678082784,0.0,0.0,0.0617806934336296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085947281874274,0.0,0.056548103870940676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075951696415994,0.05330561222954755,0.0,0.053571774396872884,0.08768907812440667,0.0,0.034758608040119064,0.0,0.04851946471634052,0.0,0.11967706726900447,0.05042918676173358,0.0,0.06333590162054162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823464232140608,0.05978394703807007,0.061617911723126174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187900000665162,0.22063748023445331,0.11756937094399453,0.09822176510301482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670165862470315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834526749056065,0.09526508858151037,0.12827871057862916,0.05050242547352296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051577476484550175,0.0,0.0,0.05124552378974693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298488388130775,0.1629392035151685,0.05474774072556348,0.0,0.05211486508543299,0.0970016548913616,0.0,0.0,0.0881063754470021,0.0,0.1191615131011484,0.0,0.032405542550865946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693750527940789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629503256950408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03821902399185571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615280269452868,0.0,0.0,0.06436816779645026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068162450370445,0.0,0.0,0.09400941347110356,0.0929571395039402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491915782025014,0.1610984685589196,0.22285510133302844,0.0,0.05034933568287868,0.0,0.047882088254666284,0.0,0.06224360955096558,0.04847600970173558,0.0,0.1079066146064198,0.15224405538945293,0.0578089067196486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060488765928005235,0.17272057053793055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04191595363517569,0.0,0.043977016897422866,0.055069867748975834,0.0,0.0,0.2234683364014237,0.05471182689657916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04336596162348938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174665094736894,0.05443164305941356,0.0,0.0,0.059573327344080274,0.0,0.053901935486517664,0.0,0.16382699408526002,0.058009413953198974,0.0,0.05456003945180344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057035012455610434,0.19470230297503674,0.0,0.05862562704500299,0.0,0.0,0.12918414253837754,0.04869441160374348,0.0,0.13603278096497698,0.057086548875571234,0.0,0.04543722462088736,0.1038169721615893,0.0,0.06441589784719942,0.0,0.1415015627280427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779292012283724,0.05639382473021819,0.06382875395149998,0.12107626116525033,0.0,0.0,0.04767092384268056,0.0,0.059609247538512315,0.13054755948537214,0.18711050464809012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583018026628932,0.049837628036201516,0.15748791125519207,0.06520686149083167,0.0,0.07576255348087832,0.07307169177982475,0.0,0.09053435815100418,0.06649715377837367,0.0,0.0,0.054484654261868035,0.0633508537877118,0.0,0.06202093179062775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627990140689151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147533886012588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496484244107165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343748288433034
ptsd,Potato_Tg,2020/03/14,"Today after panicking alot, I reasoned myself over my past fears and feeling better now. I am going through this inner turmoil , where i get anxious alot about something and idk what to do to avoid it. It’s like im on loop of that fear. Im not even facing it rn but becoz of how much i was hurt in the past. Im really afraid for it to happen again. I feel like suffocating.
I was trying to explain to my counsellor but it is so stupid that idk how to even explain but yet it’s keeping me up rn.",-0.1215384615384636,2.09546261904762,2.3942857142857186,92.2826373626374,89.4761904761905,4.754578754578755,19.505494505494504,6.297961479604792,0.1100329670329665,385,12,83,4,13,132,69,105,0.21600000000000005,0.711,0.073,-0.9331,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,1,5,3,0,5,1,1,3,0,17,13,8,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,2,10,3,16,11,3,14,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,2,9,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973282075075002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448206673077494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073674037708405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39310626651021147,0.17663753929794618,0.12478480482650706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125824745899053,0.0,0.09926940147661724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446075019207225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698862971080787,0.0,0.56602308801956,0.0,0.0,0.1552553709739063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067059200301404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284030848474203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334859534855996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118985427085908,0.1795906024043197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447006203952028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556742887645284,0.0,0.0,0.11858996037526458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PepperBubble,2020/03/14,"I need help about my girlfriend's PTSD nightmares My girlfriend got sexually assaulted when she was 17 (she is 19 now) but we have been dating since she was 18.I already knew what happened to him when we met but last year i found out that she was having horrible nightmares every night.We some professional help and a lot of emotional support we managed to get past that phase and she was not having nightmares for weeks. But recently when we were in bed with her foreplaying she said ""i didn't know this could be that good after that man had her way with me"" and in the heat of the moment i said ""oh that man didn't even do anything compered to what i am about to do to you now"".I immediately stopped and realized what i have done and started apologizing. She didn't noticed i said that until i started apologizing. We immediately got dressed and she was terrified of me. After a long talk she decided she was OK but now months later we had this minor fight and she immediately broke up with me via text. I demanded a proper breakup from her but she is in a different city right now so i figured she should at least break up with me by her own voice. She called me and we started talking about the matter but when i heard her voice i knew she was lying about the cause of the breakup. After another long talk i found out that she started having nightmares about me and she can't do anything about it. We agreed that we love each other so much. But she needs to stop having nightmares again to be with me again. Does anyone have any idea how we should deal with this situation?",3.409031063321386,5.464086796774198,4.037455197132618,86.56581242532856,74.58064516129029,7.0442054958184,25.67502986857825,7.921354282810032,1.4133811230585418,1257,44,252,19,27,398,150,310,0.105,0.81,0.086,-0.7469,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,10,1,0,0,19,7,2,0,9,1,34,2,0,2,0,57,56,24,0,5,8,0,0,0,2,2,0,6,1,2,16,28,0,2,9,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,26,6,57,4,38,25,6,41,0,1,0,2,55,9,0,2,30,190,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991244894844228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005702712147549,0.12344491195771615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823160471241159,0.0,0.1937552645430093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021037266754488,0.0,0.0,0.1209359889780028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399382157563377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136929079361118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299755339187675,0.0,0.0,0.1030219281710886,0.12047353343810538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324247633702458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775624265111006,0.0,0.0991883777451578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581587404457541,0.0,0.0,0.061506446019301164,0.0,0.0,0.0987421324376018,0.18831085061924235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041038159105422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578171525277683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289717912773072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469857327237838,0.09596157575062957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836581520779546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008557281141756,0.10625139573021224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396696028735617,0.0,0.08654140997424505,0.17458317016372765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047692400971884,0.0,0.0,0.1340306763006947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238181954718478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376142081999965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623922076179093,0.0,0.0,0.10053649440335667,0.33595025996545524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973833245660058,0.13232781621811146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33330540273835035,0.0,0.0,0.19684671855626454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359291847409127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28386865207499945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344461386587674,0.09443188232968806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581103091539858
ptsd,-JRRTokin-,2020/03/14,"Years of bullying have ruined me I can’t sleep at night because of the memories of being ridiculed. I can’t drive to my old high school without intense fear and paranoia. I quit college to pursue being an electrician, but I can’t even hold a job with the anxiety and depression I have. I cut for the first time in 4 years. I fucking hate being this way and I wish I had good self esteem and could be myself. It’s even worse when you see how successful your bullies are; middle school, high school, and workplace bullies have ruined me.",4.1967857142857135,5.74432395238096,4.7001785714285695,84.74169642857143,71.38095238095238,7.5357142857142865,28.36309523809524,8.07648339933343,1.8790238095238097,425,16,81,6,8,135,72,105,0.266,0.616,0.11800000000000001,-0.9431,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,3,4,10,4,1,5,0,13,2,1,1,0,12,17,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,1,1,15,2,10,11,0,14,0,3,1,1,3,5,1,0,7,56,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925488330653914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029972014103936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490179868908994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552606524868386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319460613694814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901283648636192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371834128765126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620194035943252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171666870157262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668142406989787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35703364554489514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766795588684785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855867452475686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729639516352513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971107266066932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5129933746534749,0.13464022985055069,0.0,0.17626341854315047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908325808977592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985226556400618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341135648811846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19429708326015635,0.16287260240281515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218593455765024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761099313814164
ptsd,beelady420,2020/03/14,"Coping mechanisms One of my coping mechanisms is to picture my life as my dog. The pain I’ve dealt with in this life is pretty overwhelming at times (yes I am in therapy and am never been suicidal). My therapist recommended to write it out.
So wrote a little poem and decided to share

Maybe I am
Loyal to them
Hungry for them
Happy to see them
Defensive over them 
Protective over them
Consoling to them 
Mother to them
Maybe I am meant to be a dog",4.903901515151514,5.901734920454548,6.4890909090909075,74.66196969696973,69.11363636363636,10.866666666666667,28.303030303030305,10.864195022040775,3.3121530303030298,355,12,66,11,6,122,56,88,0.035,0.8029999999999999,0.162,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,7,0,1,6,1,1,3,1,8,3,0,0,1,10,11,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,1,14,3,18,7,0,9,0,1,1,0,11,7,0,0,2,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643253820312137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507704520128848,0.0,0.2488669289835388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4989116681710672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915081904040012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825795294982004,0.0,0.2642141190838311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526155404875763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786700595046947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716054633288469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839585066709089,0.28830134379856737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478869288493296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,2embarrassed4real,2020/03/14,"Trigger Warning: Parents Hey All!

I had a violently angry parent. He would yell at minor things and I always felt scared in my own home. I rarely ever felt safe. He is pretty much a piece of shit. I only get nervous when I am in a bad financial place with little savings. That is where I am now, I never want to move back with my parents and I feel like when that is a possibility because my financial situation is less than ideal, that is when the memories become more vivid and common. 

Even as a geriatric, he can not behave himself. I have no love for him and no relationship. I hope he dies from Corona Virus. I hope I'm allowed to post that...

Anyway, I realized that talking about this helped. I had to get rid of my shrink bc I couldn't afford it. I realized how comforting it was to talk about this when I saw the Gabriel Fernandez doc. The attorney on the case talked about how he grew up with an angry father and it made me feel so much better to not be alone.

I am wondering if anyone else feels this way and would like to start a thread.",2.104620853080569,4.1895870805687245,3.7917985781990535,86.66798222748821,78.66824644549763,6.684454976303318,22.398341232227487,7.734863291789972,1.0297656872037917,818,25,167,13,20,273,131,211,0.147,0.725,0.128,-0.5073,5,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,16,15,2,2,11,0,17,2,1,5,3,37,33,15,1,8,3,4,5,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,12,9,0,1,8,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,7,8,24,10,23,22,7,22,0,0,2,1,18,8,1,4,12,119,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160426751995802,0.0,0.0,0.10573086866435984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884899542144314,0.13019632191434927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770755340979644,0.10609658621765623,0.0774595565188146,0.14033677336874598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238144052430757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187666406603388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614912289830727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392730565500048,0.11494040412209673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274840313569186,0.09077750200213856,0.24401067569302276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132775713404176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517109331806655,0.0,0.12745970126762546,0.25241466119440875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415814592810676,0.12735565462589854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468395413255775,0.1202349429990478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350533194743008,0.18681940173762968,0.0,0.09800278025987152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664104360825593,0.0,0.0,0.4232823837697057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275915741782454,0.0,0.0,0.14325023140306598,0.12169614975190893,0.1292739764936725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642362452382034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721737170796776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043361595124592,0.0,0.14282990921035224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993948092888339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306397664242478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441842358284647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494807904465803,0.10086077210448867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779997351428228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053111660872515,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lazylovers,2020/03/14,"Left with the scraps I’m just wondering if the hell I went through will bring me relief someday. The power to move past it feels unreachable. The experience is still fresh in my mind, when will the pain leave? When will I begin to cope better?",3.786063829787235,5.826049680851067,3.80526595744681,88.70875000000002,73.46808510638297,7.253191489361702,22.388297872340427,8.07648339933343,0.991089361702127,193,5,39,3,4,59,37,47,0.17,0.6809999999999999,0.149,-0.2869,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,1,0,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,10,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,2,5,6,0,10,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,5,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647173784316647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927848324427681,0.0,0.0,0.15134127645075526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169284754171413,0.3252036558658874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022200671874741,0.0,0.0,0.31812157339270125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184893571252441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857274284928553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390311645296245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774654718920141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245913877457694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Maggots_and_Vanilla,2020/03/14,"Wanting to meet an old friend Before I continue let me give some needed context. At the ages of ten to eleven I was molested by my best friend's grandfather. She was my very first true friend and sadly lost after I exposed what he was doing to me to my parents. Once charges were brought and he last an agonizing two weeks in jail his family, along with my dear friend, hated my guts and sided with him despite the evidence. 
Ever since then I've always wanted to reunite with her. I feel as if our friendship was cut off unfairly and keep finding myself pondering ways to somehow contact her once more. This feeling grew even more once I made a realization with my therapist he was more likely molesting her and was trying to replace her once I came into the picture. 
Should I try to find her or should I just let her fade away from my life seeing how much the event effected her? Am I just grabbing at straws to see if I can fix an already broken childhood by pursuing this search? More importantly, can anybody relate to this feeling?
(Also sorry for not knowing what to tag this I couldn't find any ""vent"" or ""advice"" tags)",6.320485643388871,6.650588414746548,6.5264516129032275,78.00198511166255,65.7741935483871,9.2575682382134,32.360510457284654,9.057496981413335,2.7251704360155977,894,34,164,14,13,287,141,217,0.127,0.754,0.11900000000000001,-0.22399999999999998,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,4,7,14,4,0,8,0,16,2,1,3,2,41,32,13,0,8,7,1,4,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,6,12,0,1,9,0,0,3,2,6,0,4,11,6,32,8,29,16,7,23,0,2,2,0,22,7,0,6,13,120,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327605198968052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792101991437993,0.09270148458585882,0.0964550408712994,0.0,0.0,0.07882983227232218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891101120813704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863970393040836,0.0,0.1216512852284052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258203114857206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656431654665742,0.10485661867164453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092794159413068,0.0,0.17583847874502298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178473768694952,0.09860181450045084,0.0,0.0,0.3582391866556096,0.0,0.0,0.11120138957298133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444737442741094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303535838625782,0.0,0.0,0.06370680829281003,0.09449057994036647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23707288116247516,0.0818779913133621,0.05663284143638698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654078633310728,0.0,0.0,0.10968666471422606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521481596523056,0.08595349163224887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163893704090935,0.4938056783120866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871586176727834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847470663671341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589053475606828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976337288202688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345924936818944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740465520295766,0.0,0.11323736563633445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564645219994558,0.1367456849413872,0.0920122005857368,0.09298433520287552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gbcJas,2020/03/14,"can you guys connect with others? i feel broken so basically it boils down to this: i have PTSD and MDD, and i can’t connect with people my age. i dont know what’s wrong with me. my therapist says it has something to do with how my brain grew as a kid (where the traumatic event was,,, i mean it was basically my whole childhood) and that because of what i went through i dont mirror peoples faces, like on a subconscious level. i dont mirror their expressions and i don’t process or show emotion in the same way. i dont have a single friend my age, and i get told a lot that im ‘wierd’ and i just. feel so broken. does anyone else feel this way or struggle to connect? i dont want to feel so broken, or like im the problem. i just want to be able to make friends. 17,F",1.9370825515947447,3.150396329268297,3.576341463414632,91.89136022514073,76.5609756097561,6.509568480300188,24.20075046904315,7.010146845296331,0.6932557223264539,594,19,138,6,13,198,90,164,0.149,0.7829999999999999,0.068,-0.8952,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,1,7,0,15,3,2,2,0,28,27,14,0,3,5,0,4,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,10,10,1,0,6,1,0,2,7,3,0,0,4,5,22,4,16,22,4,13,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,4,6,90,32,0,0.11685584768195455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170832573301384,0.11973262533535113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123424013015474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044977256220466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022613397841396,0.0,0.6847709159315489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761806612340572,0.13144710027509762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363433108534381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805650760912294,0.0,0.06105235736657184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570566125533607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524487361213017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422091784157126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417972912108405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993466628945396,0.0,0.0,0.0780021857282329,0.0,0.0,0.1272902755912735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620262625185474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181526450468207,0.13659823256748574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292846032698147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996134060574795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216310412186675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567864582242248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166077020744446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378492131868635,0.1855094653958886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832654152981236,0.0,0.13046538077399705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127763525101924,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Samalgam,2020/03/14,car trauma I got in an accident Thursday and everything is really hard but I finally remembered my fone passcode and got in. Everytime I see someone I remember everything about them at once and it's a lot. wanted to post so I can feel less alone in my head,1.7523529411764684,4.353034725490197,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,84.09803921568627,9.674509803921572,28.10784313725491,9.725611199111238,3.688160784313726,205,10,38,8,6,72,40,51,0.155,0.845,0.0,-0.655,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,9,7,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,8,0,6,5,2,8,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304854394103251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400011138375976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252345441769504,0.0,0.0,0.24378287056151565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35597285528971856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993530921858385,0.0,0.22839134663332025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919646430266165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23699898252356405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313283435782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256551149796298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041913136542061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773364247365012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855833115460396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126049220970806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ihavecrazything2say,2020/03/14,"Trigger warning: I think I was r**ed NSFW **spoiler to see if it hides the post I don’t want anyone to accidentally read it and get triggered** :(( This is a full story hopefully it makes sense I am very confused. Background on me: PTSD diagnosed , childhood trauma, I don’t remember a lot of my childhood and continue (as an adult) to go into black out mode when things get tough. I am a virgin who plans to stay one till marriage because of sexual trauma. 

I dated a guy for three months who lied a lot. It was the peak of my drinking problem (70 something days sober). I would get black out drunk with my ex boyfriend. He would drink nothing. I would go in my room thinking I passed out but we would still do sexual things that was not sex. Remember I am a virgin. 

One night I got so drunk I don’t remember making it to bed. He knew how much I drank. He never said anything. If anything encouraged by buying alcohol for me and my roommate. I woke up the next day with awful vaginal pain. When I peed it felt like my insides were ripped and I had blood in my urine. That lasted for three days before slowly fading away. When I asked my ex about it he said he used three fingers and that’s why. I didn’t think anything of it. 

I got drunk a few more times but not blackout and we do things again. I try to set boundaries with him about it realizing I needed to and he texted me “I didn’t rape you” I didn’t think anything of it because rape is such a triggering thing. I shut it down super quick. 

I don’t know if this is rape or not because when I would get drunk I would ask to have sex but he would say no. He knew I wanted to wait and he wanted to be a good boyfriend. But the three finger excuse didn’t make sense because we consensually used that many before and it didn’t feel that way. I didn’t feel torn and I didn’t bleed. Do you think he waited till I was so unconscious to do something? I didn’t bring up rape in the text but he jumped right in like he was ready to defend himself. I understand it’s a rough accusation but I don’t understand why he jumped to it.  

Do you think this sounds like rape?",0.7298617511520717,3.0364110737327223,2.25971612903226,94.32157419354841,85.72811059907833,5.130986175115208,19.73990783410138,6.55674776486733,0.10085821198156664,1642,48,360,18,50,532,196,434,0.16899999999999998,0.764,0.067,-0.9931,0,0,5,0,0,0,46.0,3,3,0,2,13,18,5,1,16,1,40,24,4,9,1,79,82,30,0,16,13,2,6,3,0,7,4,4,2,2,28,20,8,2,18,7,1,6,18,11,0,6,24,13,54,7,43,50,6,50,0,0,3,9,35,17,0,8,26,229,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603525803670105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056290899901272916,0.0,0.2649947023158233,0.0,0.15052243359357248,0.0,0.07563700628198927,0.0,0.0,0.19630016621866095,0.0,0.13700748570922167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575700699125786,0.0,0.0,0.08171078177252719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772831250248895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141139555996868,0.0,0.07729733158560234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824195607620235,0.0,0.0915055830457687,0.06752369297692966,0.12877425013555854,0.0,0.0,0.07971251077909554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995953336057085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044243389218378205,0.06562224066471928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179918872106901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688477903207086,0.0,0.0,0.16121294333905453,0.081619335740431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425824538910357,0.0,0.05918036660373189,0.05969336538546061,0.06209034404370385,0.0,0.08561787748359959,0.07554839776811514,0.0,0.07724662550877215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910441130172556,0.0,0.08566289264449367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710144331470659,0.0,0.0,0.07703231959780911,0.09410592332135302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052668861478217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27358908429059864,0.06875074715809877,0.15315719608521522,0.06402072997234302,0.0,0.0,0.06415198456235613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239532146471676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580751491433955,0.06429131940423813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139355210122457,0.3095057465844631,0.0,0.0,0.046943056252051724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465754455097265,0.0,0.0,0.1676168860385405,0.0,0.13906077621762902,0.0,0.06642497600239679,0.142451632523827,0.06390104468337783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528630616152868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003186122768432,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,madleigh13,2020/03/14,"I need advice please - PTSD recovery *may be triggering for those who’ve been in abusive relationships* - I’m new here pls be kind

I am trying so hard to hold it all in, keep a brave smiling face. And I am hurting so fckin hard, 2 years after the horrible incident. 

I battle w PTSD (for several reasons) & I am feeling triggered recently. I studied psychology in undergrad, so naturally I analyze every single sensation I’m feeling. I had a recent traumatic event (lost a job again), the coronavirus outbreak, and had a near car accident rushing from my full-time job to my restaurant job. I had my first panic attack in a year & felt insane afterwards. Like “everyone is watching me”, feeling extremely sensitive, and emotionally drained. 

I’ve worked ~60+ hours a week as a 25yo just to make fricken ends meet (I have lots of student loan debt I haven’t even touched yet). I’ve also been sexually assaulted (while in college). 

Right after I graduated college, I moved to a new city (following a whirlwind summer). And my trusting self dated a narcissist. He was the worst person you can imagine. Gas lit me, called me horrible names, & used my mental health struggle as ammo in any fights. He was a raging alcoholic with a history of abusive relationships. His ex was even in prison for life (wtf) for drunk driving & killing an elderly person. This tumultuous relationship only lasted 2 months, but I grew resentful, depressed, anxious etc. afterwards. 

Fast forward to last year, I was fired for being “depressed” in my shitty office job. I’d lost 40 lbs from anxiety & not even thinking I deserved to eat (my abuser told me to go kill myself, called me a fat whore, an idiot, and the list goes on). I then had to move back home w my mother as I had no money for rent & felt like an absolute failure (I now see this was the best move for me, but was so distraught). 

Why the hell am I unable to move past this? I’ve completed CPT therapy with my lovely therapist, see her weekly & take an SNRI (which I absolutely hate, the side effects are horrific). I exercise & take care of myself & I am now dating my childhood crush/best friend. 

I feel I am pushing him away, and built up a wall & I need to let this shit go, for good! 

I’m so angry. 
I’m so upset.
I’m resisting the love I deserve & dragging these chains from a hateful man. 

How can I trust again?! Thanks for reading, I’m just so fricken frustrated & sick of my heart beating out of my chest at the thought of my abuser.",3.0392086592686915,5.412530050209206,4.558006185191925,80.89201018737495,76.94979079497908,7.838530107331272,28.80134618883028,8.716276077567194,2.58914156812807,1956,88,357,44,46,652,274,478,0.27699999999999997,0.622,0.10099999999999999,-0.9985,6,0,1,0,3,1,103.0,0,1,0,7,22,38,14,4,28,0,30,15,5,7,1,38,65,22,2,2,5,2,10,2,1,1,6,0,2,4,8,9,4,2,11,3,4,13,3,25,0,1,19,14,53,13,49,41,6,64,1,5,4,3,24,18,2,2,37,208,61,11,0.0,0.2488948141970271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131871279009957,0.0,0.05612438243415495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04199758712557288,0.0,0.6828218881412694,0.0,0.03571315781771388,0.0,0.04017513281666621,0.059328924282783226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974532938509997,0.04934116969735912,0.04038210170423149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022607616571503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725084767107464,0.0,0.053544277118910265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506276223241046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046511590261784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053737696327967946,0.0,0.05907422050582688,0.04651420964624206,0.0,0.05857000420978153,0.10406035790829284,0.0,0.04424758594546414,0.050181958729253816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621608868672944,0.0,0.1008485381004938,0.0,0.0,0.04467067937177304,0.0,0.0,0.040574273218431295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969290329239502,0.04404851748555269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408929822303316,0.10369874010715606,0.0,0.0558227977829103,0.0,0.0622325440018767,0.0,0.0,0.05267853344144988,0.0,0.05171837218247513,0.0,0.05622021501123831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845889066729767,0.046679257189604806,0.11620389817655755,0.05468806300701377,0.0,0.08561624188264202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370188528377922,0.037094099293145284,0.051314015153458216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465636656640693,0.04464782150437379,0.09479674678170852,0.0,0.03505530597481772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292448293829536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04191833000869685,0.22326776967310594,0.0,0.0778809372837862,0.0,0.10144191490405258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039941317898155235,0.0,0.061617033722434884,0.0,0.0,0.050133133862696466,0.0,0.09171111597537997,0.0,0.05764756765368888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277842713167267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253091315242185,0.0,0.0,0.05399591567029429,0.1037078139155716,0.16914985038900116,0.0,0.0448489760382775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369802329067874,0.0,0.05478637301382668,0.059328924282783226,0.053907639288671205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490185888823773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897204731807339,0.0,0.0,0.04835032279597006,0.06005742491215904,0.06097593803493144,0.0,0.033650581717449266,0.0,0.041692394728957666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050181958729253816,0.0,0.035655392955084304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453575683047252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425146018841527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738815455157331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03823278408076786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145710159697906
ptsd,natnaat13,2020/03/14,"Fight or flight? .... for me it is freeze Does anyone else freeze when they come across a dangerous situation? 

Examples of times I froze: 
-almost getting hit by a car 
-Sketchy guy approached me 
-getting attacked by a dog
-many times where I should have stood up for myself 
..... and unfortunately each time I was abused. 

Why do I freeze and how do I move when I am afraid? I literally try to move and can't.  It really scares me because I am a mother now and I can't just freeze in dangerous situations. I have to act quickly. When I am out I get approached by creepy guys often. I always come across dangerous situations it seems. I so badly want to get to the root of this. Thanks in advance 🤝",0.7850000000000001,3.3352992592592616,2.5136111111111106,89.06375000000004,93.44444444444444,5.662962962962964,20.824074074074076,7.1686216300943375,0.8721185185185183,540,19,109,10,20,177,84,135,0.182,0.731,0.087,-0.9526,0,0,0,0,2,0,24.0,0,0,1,1,10,9,5,2,5,0,12,0,0,2,0,17,23,10,0,2,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,9,2,8,0,0,2,5,19,1,17,19,1,24,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,4,8,73,23,0,0.0,0.17779144049845602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025908547368635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485834435242238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492241864496096,0.15374977431241255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070999584624585,0.0,0.0,0.1252902228452603,0.0914725482102482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585193585798877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131473454841447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535226378984654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135915926026129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971574248013078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213290476970104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31897087542881497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612950937302234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023191055724144,0.0,0.0,0.13660505305810924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5060066056382294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381511071846756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624960167197653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187795507872267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850672637162281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540190923573395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,greenwitchery,2020/03/14,"Triggered by yelling I'm an adult living with my parents. I have a good relationship with them, but my step-dad can be very loud occasionally when he is frustrated about something or when he is telling a story. He has startled me and made me jump before when yelling at the dogs for their bad behavior. Anyway today he came home complaining about how people were acting at the store over all this coronavirus stuff (fair enough), but he got really worked up telling the story and described a fight he saw, basically yelling the story at me. 

I immediately tensed up, kind of disassociated and got quiet in hopes to just end the conversation. The conversation did end, very awkwardly. I couldn't explain to him that his tone and demeanor was scaring me, because I did not want to go into that. 

I used to think my PTSD came from my more recent unhealthy relationships, but I have done a lot of healing to work through those and have a pretty positive perspective on developing future relationships. However, I still have PTSD triggers that come up here and there. The only thing I can think is that when I was growing I felt that he secretly disliked me or judged me, and at my dad's house, my step-mom was outwardly judgmental towards anything I said or did, so I was afraid to stir the pot. I stayed very quiet and calm, in order to avoid confrontation. It felt like trying to avoid stepping on a bomb, like tension was building and it could explode at any moment. There were moments here and there where it did explode. Even though those moments were few and far between, they stuck with me and kept me in a fearful place. 

Even now, I have this fear that he secretly hates me and wants me to leave. I constantly wonder if this is my own insecurity or if I am picking up on a real feeling he does not want to admit. Anyway, getting pretty deep into the rabbit hole of my brain. I just wanted to vent about this. This feels like such a small, stupid trigger, but it made me realize how much fear I still harbor.

...Might be time to move out! Lol.",7.005089034676665,7.010843051546392,6.950552952202437,76.64285379568885,64.36082474226804,9.83805060918463,33.35801312089972,9.457814108942452,2.8973567010309287,1616,61,304,27,22,515,209,388,0.195,0.716,0.08900000000000001,-0.9931,2,2,1,0,4,0,46.0,0,0,3,2,27,25,5,11,19,1,31,2,1,9,1,71,61,31,0,9,14,2,4,3,0,1,1,7,1,1,19,22,0,3,12,0,1,9,3,18,0,0,25,12,42,7,46,31,7,54,0,0,1,0,31,26,0,10,20,213,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336340610916648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076676551418772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779871996783627,0.05679970073756412,0.0,0.07928657766312272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401610277976348,0.0,0.21313882930573586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026354621964894,0.0,0.10069099838254687,0.0,0.07439407760186198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815396287817308,0.09535219704151596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505394290279596,0.09627652228567392,0.0,0.12308476988907635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145493492472565,0.09422596003882727,0.0665655108181867,0.1789286432690591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868102223604874,0.0,0.05295451178606175,0.07815226298917244,0.1490439669267814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199278058743296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346390830861467,0.09254556740286553,0.0,0.10751349488440078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702927876958367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866075719778623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365644056676404,0.0,0.08227680452053197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921556699945467,0.0,0.17633224581876306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884583981987023,0.0,0.10912751952985306,0.0,0.09903217207152062,0.06849565494278742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086514050182458,0.0,0.0,0.10346178834526064,0.0,0.0,0.06459704775304875,0.0,0.09734990426484044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895885674535712,0.0,0.0,0.21783734105781413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605557553908253,0.0596914317056798,0.0,0.09200083010535187,0.30011097641404594,0.0,0.0,0.08863245580499836,0.0,0.0932862123975223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173203806231797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931405076324852,0.14882219500990834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666512166180356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628812266969356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061902512894944514,0.1194078376409964,0.09154571404760836,0.0,0.054332130189907166,0.0,0.08832069331949427,0.0,0.0,0.06326091787588503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047482206098948,0.0,0.2306418072555263,0.2198323177622563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104624411778486,0.13566761229902605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Nordic-Warrior,2020/03/14,"What are your views on taking magnesium to help get a deeper sleep? I’ve suffered from PTSD night terrors for a few years now, every single night. Been through multiple therapists. Have you taken magnesium and has it helped getting a deeper sleep? I was concerned it may clash with my Sertraline. Any opinions/advice appreciated!",5.382631578947367,8.627205421052633,5.297456140350878,74.00302631578948,73.73684210526315,8.010526315789475,30.552631578947373,8.841846274778883,3.243400000000001,267,12,39,6,6,83,49,57,0.12300000000000001,0.777,0.099,-0.35100000000000003,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,6,2,2,0,0,3,10,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,4,0,6,6,2,5,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424918284785587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687522634361845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090792507903228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592989611248826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326628861412013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657487707061338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29007708566907553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966635842431016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865798566614605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28812427092166604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980212506507427
ptsd,Annoyinglyfatigued,2020/03/14,"My boyfriend doesn’t seem to care about my triggers. NSFW TW and CW for mentions of rape, sexual assault/harassment.

My boyfriend kept asking me to watch this anime called Parasyte. I googled if it has any sexual violence in it (implied or not) due to the fact that the last time I watched an anime with him (Btooom!) it had lots of sexual assault and rape, which made me extremely upset since I have a history of being sexually assaulted ever since childhood.

I read the guide list from imdb that has every instance of anything sexual that happens on it.  There was harrassment, implied rape and sexual assault. I told my boyfriend I wasn’t going to watch it and sent him a screenshot of the list. He immediately says that he’s 100% sure that the only thing that happens is a boob grab. It took me telling him I wasn’t going to watch twice for him to stop asking. Then he went on about how I’m missing out on an anime that is good and that it doesn’t have fanservice. He also says that he thought the implied rape scene in Parasyte was creative. 

I told him how what he said made me feel disregarded and how I felt he cared more about watching the anime then about my mental and emotional welfare.

He immediately went to saying that I don’t know what’s in it even though I googled about any possible sexual violence and that I don’t trust him.

We’ve been together for 8 months currently and he knows about my history of being sexually abused and assaulted.

Any advice on how to have a serious discussion about this with him is welcomed.",7.328310810810812,6.953590750000004,7.331756756756757,75.44804054054056,63.7972972972973,10.913513513513513,35.39189189189189,10.411451182825502,3.5568148648648648,1226,50,231,26,16,394,140,296,0.175,0.759,0.067,-0.9897,1,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,16,17,8,1,13,0,20,5,1,7,3,36,46,20,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,25,13,0,3,6,1,0,6,7,11,0,1,18,12,29,6,35,26,2,24,0,1,5,5,30,8,1,4,10,149,54,1,0.0,0.1530145783502629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261980684392921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327644802853783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634671422623392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062745472048978,0.0,0.2414645022642179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187051154152798,0.0,0.2633419265998526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526967098501356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529842530566772,0.11681818448830165,0.10880942985180256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529911069801696,0.0,0.12399853797252637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679107649962347,0.10831989974159184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284033091805677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194838205903074,0.1052696352382505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979365084467327,0.0,0.244398440400176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301468247514122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308154650985143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821986748349104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455905091673346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917899558982646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284556274433933,0.30810158980894553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756789042036815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365858105522686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797020629441142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171673629534115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287758966137636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579756662276003,0.0,0.12688337084728066,0.10252594808687472,0.07530493257416265,0.0,0.0,0.2468053432296472,0.14348378846105705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943565151374446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,notalegalist,2020/03/15,"It's a really weird parallel, I realize. (TW) *TW: sexual assault, COVID-19*

Tbh, I haven't been handling this whole pandemic thing well. I've worked so hard over the years to not give in to my paranoia, but everything that my paranoia says to do is be same thing as what everyone says to do. I'm getting all of these mixed feelings over it. I'm scared to go outside again, after it took me months of exposure and reconditioning in therapy to be able to comfortably walk to the parking lot of my apartment building. 

I don't think I'm scared of becoming infected, per se...I'm scared of everything else. I'm scared of the social repercussions, I'm scared of the ignorance of people, I'm just plain *terrified*. 

And I see these social media posts about how some people with anxiety or what have you are actually remaining fairly calm (and I'm actually proud and happy for them!), but I don't feel that way. I feel worse. I get sucked into the mob panic. My paranoia feels like it is *justified*. It's like a little monster that is growing bigger and bigger. 

I've also started obsessively cleaning. The way I described it to my therapist over an email was that I feel like I just want to be clean and safe *but I just can't clean*. 

And it's odd. Because that's exactly how I feel when the flashbacks to my sexually abusive relationship become more persistent, when I hallucinate the hands touching me all over. 

I can't get clean. 

I feel so dirty. 

This whole global health crisis sucks big pee pee.",2.6679166666666667,5.208243847222222,4.1741388888888915,82.23475000000002,79.27777777777777,7.8677777777777775,26.266666666666666,8.745826893841286,2.319599166666668,1180,48,222,29,30,391,154,288,0.23,0.645,0.124,-0.9887,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,1,3,13,21,3,7,11,0,17,5,3,2,3,37,43,19,0,1,8,0,10,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,20,9,0,2,9,0,0,4,6,12,1,0,3,13,25,9,31,37,8,27,0,0,1,0,10,13,2,3,10,136,45,1,0.1006312549355807,0.11923158175408202,0.19640317716817107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047477821491286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698263458586202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613438789831906,0.22227862976036425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406450077807957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615747654863696,0.1808817663906476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35617530288428617,0.14378197726610867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772703190588605,0.09653466935351444,0.057191061228070536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712384210950768,0.09014583842942744,0.0,0.0,0.10696631826689393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749004424149634,0.10085895422469296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555309433849972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032290761140698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806909545178106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953008303136166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637692518014933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446695872228361,0.0,0.0,0.10804030760497237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005202593519122,0.5037472072743916,0.0,0.08019008141116041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20516178322813214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122732018963067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508061011966657,0.11684064313350576,0.1337098685546956,0.06448044485073717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180502693749074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059354921426917374,0.15975281233700525,0.0,0.0,0.09047958351496127,0.0,0.0,0.2247024047725621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326075210556457,0.0,0.10255184594798313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480322885322108
ptsd,sedative657,2020/03/15,Feel let down: rant Sometimes i get so upset when i think about how no one noticed how distraught i was while in the abusive relationship that left me with ptsd. Or how no one ever noticed that one day i just stopped talking and doing the things i once loved. I was once so creative outgoing and funny. I remember making all my family member laugh and one day i just stopped. I stay in my room when people and family come over or step out only to say hi. I speak 3 sentences to them max then go back to my room where i blast my music for hours. I know i did such a good job at hiding the abuse while i was going through it but i wish someone could of saved me while it was happening because there’s days i fear I’ll never get better. I miss who i used to be and i feel robbed from everything,2.642881118881117,3.9976980060606095,3.877575757575759,89.86867132867134,75.0,6.773892773892776,23.6013986013986,7.321109707123232,0.8075174825174822,621,18,135,7,13,203,107,165,0.157,0.7090000000000001,0.135,-0.4052,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,15,9,0,3,4,0,9,1,0,5,3,31,24,19,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,6,8,0,2,5,0,0,4,3,4,0,4,5,4,26,5,16,16,1,30,0,1,0,1,8,10,0,2,15,95,32,1,0.0,0.3011521622641547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772125855039672,0.0,0.07747042153462841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123972039263118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947330142160533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146779783444453,0.0,0.0,0.24587979156663026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495652646212234,0.0,0.0,0.11421666613266725,0.0,0.23961066510757606,0.14300703679301965,0.1285169595776651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279433744865365,0.0,0.1444517593211033,0.10659367354117467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238169455750106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515407090165667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611320543213142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984311992992205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807926718863284,0.12995400424911602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470004050112532,0.0,0.08483086501586093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801652681104188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28937641514127505,0.0,0.27068479913409826,0.3444669415273737,0.0966545991527782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810540292180813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855668620249154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364427602496681,0.14396361854430792,0.0,0.0,0.10106385610264544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767952134260753,0.0,0.12569126383764676,0.0,0.0,0.13545672383889934,0.0,0.2124991058776001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214688056953848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443026469772533,0.08143155154397366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976146541324956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461425819050862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Nicholasrymer,2020/03/15,Is this ptsd? So awhile ago in this certain area this guy would follow me off the school bus and it wasn't a coincidence it was always at the same time at the same speed i was walking and one day it just stopped and i can't go back there because i always feel the same about that area,6.109617486338799,4.4320588688524625,5.880983606557376,89.11469945355194,66.8688524590164,8.789071038251366,28.53005464480875,6.42735559955562,1.0103071038251359,225,5,54,1,3,70,42,61,0.033,0.925,0.040999999999999995,0.1217,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,9,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,1,4,1,5,5,3,15,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,6,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26866086315448395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043712941427998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23304871029323884,0.0,0.18475388152320726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546060281319386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324563009458686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722465342175835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000954315238554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537388090486544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542826263036037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067316906514002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533872531824861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767275498578634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152983184268505,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cmv1396,2020/03/15,"Questions So, I'm someone that has experienced PTSD, and I'm working on a research project. I know of my experiences with PTSD, but they are not representative of everyone's experiences, since, well, mental health is different for everyone. 

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share how PTSD affects/affected them on the daily. I'm looking to show a more 3D, more human experience, than just discussing the symptoms listed in wikipedia.

Thank you for your help in advance! I know this is a lot to ask.",5.9267281105990754,7.830895989247317,6.593579109062983,71.45322580645164,67.60215053763442,9.61536098310292,36.94162826420891,9.957137785484203,4.10422089093702,409,22,68,10,7,134,70,93,0.0,0.861,0.139,0.9108,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,2,2,4,3,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,1,0,13,17,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,8,3,13,13,3,5,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,4,0,47,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076294261488906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480906123691345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655032211103944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027323194268881,0.0,0.4648618796939592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838088306691598,0.0,0.0,0.10617791317604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411439467758838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330232873156264,0.0,0.0,0.1346732860140168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596385621456307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5555133602151812,0.0,0.17745383153867078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103719101438166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421905190197803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464713889227287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458413116557956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242831218854055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178731719246898,0.11532331236176882,0.0,0.0,0.11252889024960278,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NashvilleGirl91,2020/03/15,ptsd What’s the difference between complex ptsd and ptsd if that makes sense? how do you know which one you have.,1.718939393939397,4.4857687727272735,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,88.54545454545455,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.17522424242424295,91,3,19,1,3,26,19,22,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734681564019376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384838614034987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747170378365868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736540716942698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.917898838798794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lydsbooks,2020/03/15,"PTSD & Relationships 

I’m not sure what I’m hoping to achieve here other than maybe venting?? 3 years 6 months, Ive ruined yet another relationship by pushing them away & putting too much on my boyfriend. 

For the past 3 months I’ve been struggling more than usual and within the last month or so I’ve started CBT for my PTSD, I’ve tried EMDR in the past and due to my aggressive Attention Deficit Disorder it was a real non starter. I feel like since I’ve started the CBT I’ve been a lot worse, maybe it’s because I’ve had to face what I’ve been avoiding for a long time or maybe it’s just made me feel unsteady and vulnerable again. Either way it was putting a strain on my relationship, my boyfriend didn’t understand why I was distant and it was easier to pick holes in our relationship than open up and explain exactly what’s going on in my head... largely due to the fact I don’t know. So thats what I did and I wish I hadn’t blamed him for my issues. 

This morning, after another panic attack I went on the offensive with him. He’s not amazing at empathy at the best of times but this morning was much the same as ever, long and short we broke up. It hurts to know I could’ve stopped it and if I was in a better headspace it would’ve worked out. I now feel like I’ve taken massive steps forward letting someone in but also deeper in a hole than ever, I feel let down that he couldn’t see past my issues but even more let down that I put him in a position where he had to.

I’ve tried to keep the dreams and the flashbacks, the panic attacks and the dark thoughts out of my relationship but I think it might have done more damage than if I had just faced them head on. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to do that. 

I know that people have traumatic things happen to them all over the world but still are able to keep that element separate to their relationships and I don’t know why I couldn’t. I feel like I’ve failed us and him and it’s breaking my heart.",4.352615384615383,4.666363263414637,5.094146341463414,86.62679174484053,70.02439024390246,8.356472795497186,28.452157598499063,8.263242389622931,1.6620544090056282,1558,52,343,21,26,505,190,410,0.149,0.792,0.059000000000000004,-0.9851,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,3,0,4,5,18,22,4,5,20,0,30,5,5,3,6,69,59,27,0,6,15,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,24,18,0,4,15,1,0,8,9,14,0,0,20,6,42,8,50,33,10,63,0,5,1,0,21,28,0,7,30,216,66,3,0.07223856770633766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776915649568256,0.0,0.1565409158577241,0.0,0.0,0.15149687367368828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436359892839258,0.06787051230833985,0.0,0.0,0.044035960379639146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580992004234524,0.06388914273131853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767661820775796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279165704746598,0.0,0.0,0.07392513545858895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771289267187796,0.13068784045286766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826299517921195,0.15482174161006784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041054842765957764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388032685118088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827522258798054,0.0,0.0,0.08560305054715274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174919738210196,0.0,0.0,0.07733288080322889,0.0,0.0,0.1507965930326271,0.0,0.12841791627817056,0.0,0.0,0.19850213804824016,0.05888407423386102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160648937730007,0.0,0.10587634581095652,0.0,0.0,0.12785771840990534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141464698830094,0.0,0.068353879419232,0.0,0.0,0.21772005235334846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663370457023,0.0,0.0,0.1729804066411858,0.0,0.10620731828057782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951278906895229,0.0,0.0,0.2068796605200406,0.05008112716364471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888603981118844,0.21785913891345485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222330508495476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653431231240148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756478570306137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975648969944355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061207503994567175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226166006482657,0.0,0.05768981348464326,0.06039467723143858,0.0,0.0755194356412737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808399515489066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04799209449776375,0.04628755732070081,0.0,0.0573493536325171,0.08424577951347685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098090491216963,0.0,0.0,0.07520289661221875,0.0868941024504799,0.0,0.07956057654055798,0.0,0.0,0.05733961261673703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696587599101535,0.130368142729061,0.0,0.08307078778026185,0.0,0.0,0.0525905376474028,0.0,0.07361727200625352,0.051316205872821166,0.0,0.0,0.04651926916840542
ptsd,Astralacer123,2020/03/15,"Insomnia and night sweats I'm waking up early at the same time and don't  feel  tired. I think it's because I'm anxious about my trauma therapy.II'm also more easily spooked  now.


I have other comorbid disorders  that make change very distressing  for me.",3.387500000000003,6.106554416666667,4.624833333333335,79.00350000000002,77.75,8.840000000000002,26.266666666666666,9.3871,2.9261616666666668,204,8,35,6,5,67,43,48,0.159,0.736,0.10400000000000001,-0.4007,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,4,2,1,0,6,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657666641115663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754418139503513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258717628879447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515643594406121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808825304800551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803760345116078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221834928289597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118721063116481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129456347508717,0.0,0.0,0.19378610615898986,0.3819680161833585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742096164786078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pinkpanther_69,2020/03/15,"nightmares im new to this sub so please forgive me, as something like this has probably been asked before, but for years ive only had nightmares, and its led me to not want to sleep- anyone experience anything similar?",5.621869918699187,7.274609073170737,5.857073170731707,77.41211382113823,68.02439024390246,8.393495934959349,33.178861788617894,8.841846274778883,2.9639691056910564,176,8,30,3,3,56,35,41,0.032,0.838,0.13,0.47700000000000004,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,6,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744021685446934,0.0,0.2441360797664068,0.0,0.2773486151480682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524463332088592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902025017108584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204570653959717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449391329266477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865280205542693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256327035330842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32565716972521225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198629889243331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29688662005216154,0.0,0.0,0.22839288207609196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749850484645721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910472774444472
ptsd,hanbeacham,2020/03/15,"Really confused Hi. I’ve never made a post ever but need to talk about this. 4 years ago I saw someone commit suicide. The weeks that followed were some of the hardest in my life and I wasn’t behaving in ways that were very “me”. I became super aggressive and angry and would hit things, smash things and yell. All things I’ve never done before. After this things calmed down and I started to get myself back. How ever for the last year or so all I can think about is what I saw. I dream about it, I blink and I see it, the smallest thing and I’m there again reliving it. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. And now it’s not just that one event I’m stuck reliving it’s now everything traumatic I’ve experienced on a loop in my mind and I feel like someone’s sitting on my chest and I don’t know what’s real or not anymore. 

I don’t know if what I’m describing is ptsd or even makes much sense to anyone but I can’t talk to anyone in my life about this because they just call the man I saw selfish for doing this to me. I don’t agree and it makes it hard to communicate with people who’s only response to what I’m saying is to say that. I also don’t know that I want to talk to anyone about it at the same time... I feel ashamed for still struggling with this. I don’t know why I’m posting because I don’t really have a question but yeah. 

I kind of feel trapped.",1.0592224759005615,2.7879139760273968,2.8928462709284624,93.5846752917301,80.47260273972603,5.832775240994419,20.403855910705225,6.775458762138228,0.17340826991374936,1059,28,244,11,27,353,143,292,0.139,0.773,0.087,-0.9513,1,1,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,1,1,19,9,1,3,9,1,20,5,2,4,7,52,47,21,1,4,11,0,4,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,28,13,1,0,9,1,0,1,14,5,0,1,9,12,31,4,31,36,5,31,0,0,4,0,11,8,0,7,19,161,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835732411515898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873284872318295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004024316885024,0.2327526534918761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853196377909028,0.0,0.1352775926731291,0.0,0.09441684743300914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330023809910472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354827142020014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353744834779912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328652769779702,0.2007352206662466,0.0,0.0,0.09972164428375634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831067165645866,0.07926821745194644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057970829172032036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993963229450764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554539091152745,0.2439178448171283,0.09044535125916817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674543831577278,0.05420833737872524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499087765982344,0.14813027961381775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120356668700697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156669127573096,0.0822737435576858,0.1711548682260899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518782278806495,0.08438834612723535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769241122783278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253364873097516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970363712289631,0.0,0.12429804044520434,0.0,0.0,0.12629417727725828,0.14216471353724167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647606517434938,0.0,0.0,0.08841893722221708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103785249744713,0.0,0.188028232438514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853644542474812,0.0,0.08861097864885846,0.0,0.0,0.11599710061402922,0.0,0.1213697366871564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675508373800488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685768946009306,0.07109722680147429,0.0,0.0,0.06470033892302587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155173956363552,0.06544573816514211,0.08807307360541243,0.08900359024499489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012208407409096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882118086839399,0.0,0.0,0.14290626778120402
ptsd,breathe-of-the-wild,2020/03/15,"hi. this is weird to talk about but here we go so, this event happened on august 4th. i don’t feel like going into specifics. let’s just say it was not fun.

basically, my parents found out i was gay and we got into a huge fight. it lasted hours. i still think about the event, nearly 8 months later. i cant talk to them about maybe having ptsd because that would basically out me again. (they made me tell them i was straight) 

i hear voices in my head. i avoid listening to certain songs that remind me of the event. i’ve drawn vent art, i hang out with them as little as i can... it’s just weird. can someone maybe give me some advice? 

also: i’m not being “abused” or anything like that. my parents are very loving and supportive on all other aspects. just not being gay.",0.2789010989010983,2.680339051282054,1.7545787545787557,95.71423076923081,91.17948717948721,3.9970695970695966,16.4029304029304,5.622346879071545,-0.6349300366300366,596,14,127,4,21,191,104,156,0.08,0.7709999999999999,0.15,0.9258,2,1,0,0,2,0,25.0,2,0,4,0,11,10,1,1,3,0,14,4,1,1,2,27,28,8,0,1,8,2,1,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,9,10,0,1,3,2,0,3,5,4,0,0,6,6,22,6,19,18,2,25,0,0,0,3,18,12,0,2,12,84,31,0,0.0,0.19344642567003886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954404821586107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305657274124943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343560301125646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952693700322708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825534383727031,0.11663901949764775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901543778415466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662198274105404,0.18557845517247484,0.0,0.13058070125730906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437775880102502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675605415486381,0.0,0.1840154189131548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607865438651165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308558496833806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695306076832891,0.0,0.15952944379719852,0.16363788775214289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735615837743166,0.15448856326134772,0.0,0.0,0.32805022301621906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031932603980131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625806036710316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908520911103426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983763145183258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383368352063627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303864019976907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527511208188227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26245800516204404,0.14270382922768793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461583582541144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471357726039346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598122863945487,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jasmbelle,2020/03/15,"h e l p hi i hope y’all in a good healthy place.. 
my boyfriend lost his brother in a terrible accident. I need to know how to deal with this bcz iam too afraid to talk to him. and im suffering from some issues myself so I really don’t know how to deal with this. Is there any special treatments? Anything i can do??",-0.8208986928104558,1.2950529558823547,1.586078431372549,97.1484640522876,92.97058823529413,5.375163398692812,20.79084967320261,6.937597516519254,0.4540241830065357,243,9,58,4,9,82,52,68,0.17300000000000001,0.6679999999999999,0.159,-0.2359,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,9,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,9,3,10,8,1,3,0,2,0,0,8,3,0,2,0,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898825929710094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165950871344532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427050909174892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076366110213888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614217106094792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843063019145047,0.27471738181774186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28930090025595034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873190824205473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516299101864065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749929490388065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686157060045703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21155401231184304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TJ-321,2020/03/15,"Just started my journey (I’m brand new to this sub, so please let me know if there’s something I should be tagging that I am not!!)

Hi all - I have been diagnosed with bipolar, generalized anxiety, etc. and for the most part have been really good. Taking my medication, working on myself, creating toolkits for when I need them. I’m patient and have done a ton of work to help love myself when I hadn’t for so long.

A few weeks ago, I was taking with my friend about a traumatic experience that I had around the time of diagnosis. I won’t go into details but it was prolonged and sex/relationship based. During and after the relationship I tried to get help from a few people who I thought were close to me because he was a mutual friend, but they chose him and cut me off. I got so fed up with not being believed that it was easier to not tell anyone.

Recently some of my symptoms had been getting worse for my bipolar and anxiety, and it was really confusing as to why since I am on medication. That’s why I started telling my friend in more detail what happened and she validated me, made me feel safe, and shared that she had a similar experience and thinks my episodes could be ptsd.

What used to be invasive thoughts has turned into straight up trauma flashbacks since we talked. You all probably know this......but it’s like I’m there, in the worst spot of my life, three years later. I had to call a hotline this week because I don’t know how to cope with it and just needed someone to help me calm down.

I know it’s gonna be hard but the work will be worth it. There’s really no ask or question in this post, I just need to know some other people are out there that are dealing with the same thing. I’m sure that someone out there is thinking the same thing I’m thinking too. It’s gonna be okay.

I’m sure this was all over the place, but thank you for reading kind strangers!",4.5426121372031645,5.208424179419527,5.266991029023746,84.30248126649079,69.73878627968338,8.596981530343008,28.88031662269129,8.726425361277474,1.9813087282321893,1480,52,311,24,25,480,193,379,0.07400000000000001,0.755,0.171,0.9893,0,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,1,2,2,3,17,18,1,1,15,1,38,9,0,3,5,68,76,24,0,6,12,0,2,1,3,5,7,0,0,0,25,23,1,1,12,1,1,2,7,4,0,1,21,2,41,14,44,41,15,35,0,0,0,1,27,18,0,7,15,215,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174805215137618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109710727060068,0.0,0.0,0.06448283076424402,0.0,0.0,0.08209594065860566,0.08621386963665335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124337185892515,0.0,0.0,0.10390110538273258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416760628872646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363069415137731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507545262007508,0.0,0.09360203020191543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943737550534534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285041501342372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041900542660694,0.0,0.0,0.04662953737976816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374836295573155,0.0,0.09636297874198498,0.0,0.0524111271615179,0.07735031549406209,0.07375728752646818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155042640895767,0.0,0.08261159872807912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544069644401548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603362766383884,0.2534103189333403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430187453388553,0.06513818051274768,0.04505435696773341,0.0,0.0,0.08161238342044795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323274754684817,0.08726141972208462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580522872922733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514135595539465,0.0,0.08906728954866451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986598957633976,0.0,0.12786839005226416,0.0,0.09635096310960814,0.10123059299193514,0.0,0.0,0.0883219015802011,0.0,0.09942947079072456,0.0,0.10780101824782712,0.0,0.10330824657990452,0.0,0.09224561772967063,0.0,0.17723675162290334,0.0,0.09105677765659193,0.1980209556829988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257176836445774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627653445835998,0.07099597072347193,0.0,0.0,0.1305485177463572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383376417098295,0.0958525779684392,0.1386769209036033,0.0741234744643271,0.161209845898043,0.08490439488081902,0.0,0.0,0.12253461945081692,0.17727382856350127,0.0,0.14642580818051718,0.05377460934478662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261177564137321,0.10030959789215303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964904198114453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794770399586726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642960601104453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014132197638916,0.0,0.09398073270915362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059387082438611724
ptsd,24Bottles,2020/03/16,"What to say when your loved one says he's tired? Hello long time lurker, first time posting.  


I have been going out with this amazing, incredible man for about 1 year. He's a Marines and suffers from mild PTSD.   
Sometimes, I feel helpless in finding the right words to say to him, to make him feel like he's not alone, to make him feel like it is okay to be tired. He's a man who takes seriously his responsibilities and feels guilty to not be able to meet the expectations of others but above all, his own expectations towards himself. Frustrated at being like how he is, trying to overcome but unable to, trying to begin anew but failing each time.  


What can I say to him when he shares his heart with me and tells me he is tired?   
Tired of fighting. Tired of trying so hard. Just tired, not just physically but in general.  


Please tell me how I can help him, what can I say to him.",4.443448275862072,5.407759954022993,4.916724137931039,85.63818965517244,70.14942528735632,7.639080459770115,25.99425287356322,7.793537801064563,1.2048597701149433,688,20,145,8,12,219,98,174,0.204,0.6779999999999999,0.11800000000000001,-0.9612,0,1,0,0,2,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,8,13,2,0,4,1,11,8,1,4,1,30,21,12,0,2,9,0,5,3,0,0,6,5,0,2,7,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,6,0,2,1,10,19,7,26,17,3,17,0,3,0,1,34,6,0,0,12,89,26,1,0.10073956596754548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433580887889993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374780575388152,0.14393673211186309,0.0,0.0,0.09207413824321957,0.08568902334916306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725261688356485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902428638396131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937687071364035,0.06752360756913223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764879013914567,0.0,0.0,0.08915134579201031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092139142096177,0.0,0.13448888507777282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826373706006805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105817919084703,0.0,0.0,0.09648065720883699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177591616829918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603103890464693,0.0,0.4005607312375025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963400664593436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574361641392033,0.0,0.17610164186348476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176226153125416,0.6947118701452606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518665771954225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487297760668972
ptsd,zulu1979,2020/03/16,You are not alone If anyone feel the need to vent or just hear a friendly voice. Fell free to Dm me anytime day or night. - Mike,0.16555555555555654,2.253401851851855,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,86.03703703703705,3.6,16.407407407407412,3.1291,-1.316125925925926,98,2,24,0,3,30,25,27,0.0,0.736,0.264,0.8042,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403910085447421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973178563218145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742263225907049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214999774834918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285174483041597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792444071664891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152890336478457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990323073953169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Airwreckah_Reed,2020/03/16,"Can unrelated stress/anxiety cause hyperarousal? Hello everyone! First time poster/new member and newly diagnosed. Not sure if this is the best place to post this, but it seems like a wonderful community so here we go! 

I’m having some trouble finding answers to a lot of what I experience and I unfortunately can’t get into contact with my therapist for the next few weeks. 

I was wondering if anyone has experience/knowledge of if unrelated stress can cause you to go into a hyperarousal state? Example: Doing taxes, getting super stressed and frustrated, and sort of broke down. My dear SO came in and I had a terrible outburst of rage/anger about the whole situation for seemingly no reason, and it’s not like me to get angry. It’s been happening a lot more lately since facing the trauma/starting therapy and I think my brain is working things out still. 

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle it, if it’s even related to ptsd..?",6.175862068965517,7.570463770114943,7.222471264367819,69.1071551724138,66.47126436781609,10.857471264367817,32.89080459770115,10.864195022040775,4.032101149425288,752,32,125,22,12,253,120,174,0.184,0.7,0.11599999999999999,-0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,1,0,4,7,12,1,2,9,0,12,3,2,4,1,36,25,15,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,13,0,0,8,0,1,3,4,6,0,1,4,0,11,6,20,21,7,18,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,12,8,90,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224238580763936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519587352119103,0.0,0.09584018169482744,0.0,0.0,0.17519979923584567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147544795231667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985584552264071,0.0,0.14328892541462734,0.0,0.2573976974062832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715832032405508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963488750407056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274740210294383,0.0,0.0,0.11971206328952995,0.0,0.12254957309737093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450523293122886,0.10656457682315564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636360170534026,0.0,0.1424009902728092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078622142601044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132325003266688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241265158328007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302009602727628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099787697332105,0.13323854275233105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089274457181646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998526771842448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644763986471734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288104856363487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281035662299061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363434293168908,0.14082191531728028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867505438510337,0.0,0.10005015261778964,0.0,0.43052940048960103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807654930083855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432705783941304,0.14546174637302184,0.08323161558195731,0.08027547489772299,0.0,0.0,0.07305278513313031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004934481406686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987257916360035,0.0,0.0,0.2717253873258814,0.09120659263831554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RosettaTheWeird,2020/03/16,"Hi, I suspect that i might have PTSD Hey there, my name is Rosetta and I am a 15 year old girl who lives in a dysfunctional family. I have just recently noticed that I exhibit  a lot of PTSD symptoms such as:

\- **Emotional numbness** 

\- **Persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world** 

\- **Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others** 

\- **Problems with concentration** 

\- **Irritable or aggressive behavior** 

There are many more but the post would be too long if I named them all. When did i found out? Two days ago since the publishing of this post but I have always known there wasn't something right with my head since 5th grade. The reason I found out because my grandmother was a teacher and had dealt with situations like this beforehand, so she told me. Have i had therapy? No. Who/what caused my PTSD? My family members. I wanted this post to be an introduction of sorts, I will go in depth about my illness in another post

Signing Off

Rosetta",1.5666292134831463,3.4811726011235966,2.9174101123595517,82.07218258426968,112.31460674157304,6.948539325842698,25.236516853932585,7.461004344511776,2.6036467415730344,785,37,134,23,40,253,119,178,0.076,0.905,0.019,-0.7958,0,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,1,1,10,4,1,0,9,0,17,4,1,2,1,35,23,13,0,5,8,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,8,1,22,1,18,10,3,21,1,0,0,0,9,9,0,8,8,98,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122043156057093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440000888605347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156487100891615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764845545206414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889091610091347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091693126688272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113539906092185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365614464993688,0.0,0.06344074426683795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27513990530613264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713067532261911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876708317839086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129766879773866,0.0,0.11079116015435292,0.11103585059006447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666900132180426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272055679753996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331024622783193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284694572732826,0.1316582937837903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806573246202965,0.0,0.0,0.1200566002897253,0.4399985855316973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900271963868207,0.12388520387896015,0.0,0.0,0.10714958363287536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075780091987034,0.14103207491930306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659193454914973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304100196552954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348439232833973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989071900175748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256468787816648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400468961523321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912936409323775,0.0,0.0,0.0807977286812259
ptsd,Miisericordia,2020/03/16,"He’s done being patient Well, he finally snapped. 

He drunkenly told me that he’s done waiting for me to get over it. He can’t be with me anymore. As if I didn’t already want to die six months ago.",-0.3711627906976744,1.6801449069767465,2.0337674418604657,95.79902325581396,88.30232558139534,5.300465116279073,24.879069767441862,6.742157984588678,0.8366409302325586,153,7,36,2,5,52,33,43,0.092,0.8270000000000001,0.08,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,10,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,4,1,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514016381419089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129688016291937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812632169800895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943406302186348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5804594970436131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106790202694846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817362661503572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263734321992744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709998759413049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672795181460959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25499791371264946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Friend-of-flowers,2020/03/16,Seeking advice for partner Hey guys! My fiancé has been suffering a lot lately over his past coming up and triggers around. I need advice on how to help him. He's been to the hospital twice in the past 2 days from suicidal thoughts and taking too much meds to numb his mind. I love him beyond words and I want to help him feel free. Ideas?,1.920819327731092,4.240508602941176,2.775042016806726,92.46911764705885,80.61764705882355,5.650420168067227,20.00840336134453,6.868970318607317,0.2931991596638661,267,7,55,3,7,84,53,68,0.127,0.688,0.185,0.5411,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,2,0,15,10,4,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,3,1,9,3,12,7,2,11,0,1,0,1,12,6,0,1,4,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109605853793405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18719114952376506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113505327664647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356112968998379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632239102025806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082073322037226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818885388433967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373771864508429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23720166344085605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877002231522807,0.18978324100221675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335703911218157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123198701058328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457782133532622,0.15591776291693685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40146646162741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23000895561304874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810216697748866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669364839075276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402684800652065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ofthenorthland,2020/03/16,"Looking for solid advise for my partner I (m36) have just started a relationship with my bestfriend (f34).She is a mother of two small wonderful children and has a long history of abuse from her ex-husband of thirteen years and her family, growing up.
Our history is that I am a Adult Developmentally Disabled advocate of thirteen years. I was unaware of the abuse from her husband, until recently. I have been going through a lot of emotions regarding being so close and her doing a very good job of hiding it.
My inquiry is how do I be supportive of her journey of mental health and not fall into the same role I have at work. I do alot of work with DDA abuse victims. How much room should I give or how hands-on should I be?

She is in therapy and on the road to not letting her trauma define her as a person.

Thank you in advance.",5.0643771043771055,6.072540925925927,6.1054882154882195,77.52015151515155,68.75308641975309,8.60695847362514,33.24579124579125,8.841846274778883,2.880918518518518,658,30,120,11,11,219,102,162,0.113,0.784,0.10300000000000001,-0.5683,1,0,0,0,3,0,18.0,1,1,0,3,5,5,1,0,11,0,20,1,0,3,0,22,27,12,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,2,9,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,2,0,1,2,1,22,3,26,19,4,21,0,0,1,0,20,10,0,4,6,98,24,4,0.0,0.5836743446212526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847104611854502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547994839435508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575220508951909,0.09332246453890328,0.13772880809302046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454406735889882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629498345626327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791249909622755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531778212322569,0.1378922903753489,0.0,0.0,0.13960268337667014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654817544409204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071083490094099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337897633345706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213432841649264,0.1762965673084677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622636334881267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863398427488075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117948820379462,0.18778469792997515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604061077069308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354877431769519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780751859552296,0.23908889933692146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21148749111488327
ptsd,Liquiiiid-Snake,2020/03/16,"How can I know if I have PTSD? I don’t really like when people self-diagnose but... I don’t want to talk about this with anyone in my family, I don’t think they’d understand and i’d be kinda ashamed about it.

I do have had a traumatic event in my life. 
My childhood has been fine, I kind of was a loner but eh whatever. Anyway, when I was 9 something happened to me. I don’t really want to recall the details. Let’s say it was something I really couldn’t consent to. It was really fast, but idk I felt like I lost my innocence.

I would just want to know if that affect me in some way I can’t even notice or I’m fine despite what happened.
Thank you.",0.1590238095238128,2.1545949500000035,2.884285714285717,91.00738095238096,85.21428571428572,6.590476190476192,19.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.7019619047619048,503,14,114,10,15,176,83,140,0.10400000000000001,0.747,0.149,0.598,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,1,8,8,0,1,3,0,21,1,0,2,0,23,34,10,0,7,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,8,2,22,6,12,21,1,9,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,5,7,77,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003577498862936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742416097840759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338652878650553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183535882346275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483028549381962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30361473026647723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787680656226773,0.1886908726727072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554438070408354,0.12125571856148287,0.16773874816411022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739827062235173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195447627334994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901448117707973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067324304125575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399052292499406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365190101960724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908942806967132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643201691321377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798198057875996,0.0,0.15805082870386314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099993137430142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871470212862953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037665437643207,0.13626379103203573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194956391403936,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,iggidybiggidy,2020/03/16,"Medications to stabilise mood swings in PTSD? Hello what medications are available to help stabilise my mood swings? I have an active PTSD diagnosis. 

About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar and on Quetiapine (Seroquel) until last summer. I do not have bipolar, the diagnosis was wrong (admitted by psych).

Since coming off the meds I've been re-experiencing symptoms that lead to my bipolar diagnosis. I'm now on 45mg of Mirtazapine but over the past week things have gotten very bad and I've had two mental health assessments at two different hospitals in the space of 3 days.

I have been feeling highly irritable, aggressive, very upset at times, I threatened someone with physical violence, acting reckless, drinking excessively and engaged in risky drug taking behaviour). 

I spoke to the crisis team today (UK based, NHS service for mental health issues in the community) who told me to wait 2 weeks to see if the increased dosage of Mirtazapine has any effect.",8.129628832705755,9.585130644970413,8.276374394835932,63.08942980096828,62.07692307692307,11.11586874663798,37.25712748789672,11.022393298168332,4.6933266272189345,785,37,116,21,11,256,119,169,0.20600000000000002,0.733,0.061,-0.9858,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,2,7,1,1,8,0,12,11,0,2,0,14,22,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,10,1,0,0,4,6,1,1,3,2,0,4,1,4,0,2,8,3,9,1,25,14,1,28,0,0,1,0,7,12,0,1,12,67,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274740671750504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779203314686898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007080220357655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387489648006254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274204556827376,0.0,0.0,0.1459586029473266,0.0,0.1502451596164206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087372338568804,0.166767636512827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271190718138751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057150487224419,0.0,0.0,0.09638916636088768,0.15193741473367928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009460069751512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721991103157002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973444950399893,0.289735933580974,0.2898423497692251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372777258589413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33619967399874034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145936171445146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895661937909367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184513836819108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494680012708398,0.10812313361400062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553736083043612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385359630631914,0.0,0.13630990975728105,0.1374114212043134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809523220985113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373076474805993,0.0,0.0,0.23070269029335114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722771327577562,0.0,0.09260542284348976
ptsd,sleep_dirt_,2020/03/16,"I Feel Like My Life Is Ruined I just can't let go of past trauma no matter what I do, I can't move on and I'm just stuck in a painful limbo. It haunts me everyday and I'm terrified of everything, I just want to go back to a time before everything bad happened and be happy again. I can never go back though and I don't know what to do, I don't want to keep going. I hate feeling this constantly.",-0.9985227272727252,1.0134480113636393,2.0118181818181817,94.88772727272728,91.61363636363636,5.4727272727272736,17.090909090909093,6.980632752743323,0.028509090909091036,307,8,73,5,11,108,54,88,0.28,0.598,0.122,-0.9501,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,1,15,25,5,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,5,6,5,0,0,1,2,11,2,8,22,0,15,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953307740859564,0.16034372902635916,0.0,0.0,0.16341021458320926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075248817296665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451827874799809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420039057147054,0.13719200307595178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365585393722553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698185908526838,0.20442804801599454,0.0,0.1895977914416951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069221979249868,0.0,0.0,0.10553907603863144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963718910285427,0.1356421359455641,0.09382007855686544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410602860937155,0.0,0.0,0.1481115632653934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434199775863693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332202394351324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867638404388676,0.0,0.11197891641658114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265380047710317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,windressa,2020/03/16,"Traumatic hospital stay caused PTSD TLDR: traumatic hospital icu stay caused PTSD 

February 2019 was the best and worst month of my life. I welcomed my biggest blessing my son on feb 4th, then 9 days later that joy turned to the most traumatic thing I’ve ever experienced. 

A quick back story: I had my child when i was 21. The birth of my son was very painless and the whole experience was very positive. No painful contractions, no complications with the csection or anything.

Back to the story. after a csection they give you narcotic pain meds. On feb 13th i started weening myself off the pills because i wasn’t in that much pain anymore. That whole day i felt like something was off in my body. I had chills but my body was hot and i felt nauseous. I figured it was the effects from no longer taking the pain meds. After hours of not feeling well my dad took my temperature and it was 104.3. My dad kept my baby while my boyfriend took me to the hospital. 

Upon arriving and telling them my symptoms i was immediately swarmed my so many doctors and nurses like the scene of a movie. They asked millions of questions and stuck IV’s and sensors all over me. 

Fast forward i learn i have sepsis and a blood clot in my ovarian vein. You’d think those are pretty simple fixes. Wrong. 

I spent 2 weeks in the hospital and i barely have any memory of most of it but i remember flashes. 

During that time i had several blood transfusions, blood drawn every 3 hours everyday for 2 weeks and they stuck me in a different vein every time, got given heparin (blood thinner) for the blood clot which they later realized i was allergic to do they switched me to another blood thinner, got given so many different antibiotics for the sepsis, had 3 different IV’s at the same time and a PICC line, had a foley Catheter and a feeding tube, was in the icu in a medically induced coma and on a ventilator, had to do physical therapy to walk, had to get my lungs drained after catching pneumonia from the ventilator, had to get fluid sucked out of my abdomen via ct machine needle insertion, and so many tests and labs i can’t keep up. 

Was sent home with 11 prescription as well as a blood thinner injection i had to give myself everyday. All while having a newborn at home waiting for me.

Most traumatic experience of my life. It still causes me bad anxiety til this day and it’s even worst a lot more happened that i can’t remember. I was there for 3 weeks but to me it felt like 3 days.

Still a year later i haven’t met anyone who can understand or relate to me regarding the experience",4.698643734643735,6.255370208080809,5.599284739284741,78.74685503685505,70.15151515151516,9.14933114933115,31.156156156156158,9.567723090172098,3.007824460824462,2043,88,378,47,37,670,237,495,0.13699999999999998,0.812,0.051,-0.9916,3,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,2,6,2,14,18,1,0,32,0,34,28,13,5,3,54,64,32,0,0,6,4,5,3,0,0,14,0,2,2,16,20,1,3,14,0,1,6,8,9,2,1,38,6,58,9,54,25,14,63,1,0,0,0,23,20,1,7,40,251,74,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051461067210612464,0.07935102188375,0.05789057413030765,0.0,0.0750484958074848,0.052913176842532716,0.0,0.06227343838241959,0.0,0.0707451840481678,0.0,0.0,0.11637761412834205,0.06318481601615254,0.04613030448777608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941542922189362,0.0,0.0,0.16811400637166635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23321482001332355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952144560925892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371903725166808,0.0,0.07745577472132116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998211116485582,0.06845166792056785,0.12751759482425076,0.0,0.0,0.2220717350668525,0.0,0.0,0.03826316134417131,0.0,0.21797736665171225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907331726626393,0.14518722209023208,0.0,0.0,0.12104717959986405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691846624937353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181483327930936,0.0,0.1490477341987224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726272719530373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690188454266893,0.11091180998906428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433551899754929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301653563921341,0.0,0.0,0.16811400637166635,0.07623381921586231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060402443518008365,0.0,0.05562926173149297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32209083850432385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698789104931453,0.0,0.0,0.17691823621103545,0.0,0.08477244959297889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144828767047512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549033316049356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825771464241311,0.0,0.0,0.053562605147554135,0.16131730773691327,0.12086706586828895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786544937426824,0.05689759857610921,0.0,0.06614260713791882,0.0,0.08654007006817993,0.0,0.050274591790476726,0.048488987064004035,0.0,0.0,0.13237874548196404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681536942684611,0.0,0.08231182516903368,0.0,0.07877953584244785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248783198755127,0.0,0.0,0.1821038933666249,0.0,0.13608043073428872,0.0,0.0,0.16897513693475705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273788426204376,0.0,0.04873171909473275
ptsd,jusjadetings,2020/03/16,so so tired of SO many triggers i have c-ptsd and its so tiring. i just never can relax bc theres always something thars wrong. just today i went to a grocery store and had a panic attack bc of the specific grocery store being a trigger. why can’t i just live??,1.539818181818184,3.3183451636363657,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727274,79.18181818181819,5.127272727272729,21.909090909090907,5.6839178017228535,0.2932909090909086,204,6,41,1,5,70,40,55,0.282,0.718,0.0,-0.9407,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,1,4,0,5,2,0,2,1,8,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,28,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315047871392866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777533016097917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558692822712025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24752748879058534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883017890289968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28645476940121034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285395643921114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879568589403212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5612238252099813,0.2314235109469733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263274018452195,0.2203053614292588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26693722774253725,0.0,0.0
ptsd,smol-n-needy,2020/03/16,"I’m afraid of almost everything and everyone. TRIGGER WARNING: sexual assault, suicide mention, self harm mention. releasing my emotions through writing. A sort of open letter.

  I’ve been suffering from PTSD for awhile now. In the last year Ive managed to better my situation and surroundings. But.. I still don’t feel better on the inside.

  Over a year ago, I was sexually assaulted. I wasn’t living a healthy life. Due to outside circumstances and my impulsive decision making, I moved into a rather large home with some friends. The person who offered us to live with them told us he would help us better ourselves and our lives. He wanted to ‘open my his home to us because we were broken, and so was he. We each had our own room, plenty of food to eat, and a more than comfortable place to stay. Everything seemed surreal. There were red flags in the beginning. Why would I question these things when this person has given us so much? They were just sad and broken. That’s why they yelled at night. They made each one of us feel special at one point. 
   The feeling of being safe quickly vanished. I began drinking heavily to block out the yelling and constant verbal abuse. If I didn’t hang out with them regularly at the bar, the abuse worsened. I wanted to keep him happy so he wouldn’t treat my other friends this way. I took drugs when they wanted me to. I should have known this was so I wouldn’t stray too far from them. Completely broken down, I did everything they asked me to. I did everything they asked me to hoping they would stop coming into my room in the middle of the night. I did everything they asked me to so they wouldn’t assault my friends sleeping in the next rooms. 
    I still have the urge to put furniture in front of my door before I go to sleep like I’ve done so many times before. 

  Sometimes I feel like maybe I deserved everything that happened to me because I wasn’t exactly in the best place in my life. I feel so much shame and pain about everything that happened. 

    Every person I meet scares me. I wonder what their true intentions are with me. I question if they’re just deliberately toying with me, how could anyone like me after what happened? Anytime I do get close to someone romantically, I become paranoid they’ll leave. I latch onto people and become overbearing. I will admit, I become completely desperate for their love and attention. I push people away with my need for affirmation and attention. On the flip side, I’ve begun to some healthy platonic relationships with people. Even then I question if they actually like me, or just tolerate me.
    I barely leave my house. When I do it’s usually to go to work. A positive ending to this would be that I love my job and the people I work with. Although it stresses me sometimes, feeling needed makes me feel good. A year ago, I was self-harming and trying to commit suicide. Today I don’t want to die, but I’m not happy. For me this an accomplishment. I’m happy with job too, which is also a plus. But I’m still really suffering with being scared of people outside my job and latching onto to the few people I do connect with.

Any advice would be appreciated, thank you for this venting session.",3.806111111111111,6.062084869636967,4.636831683168321,81.80682068206823,74.06600660066006,7.459185918591862,26.8987898789879,8.344100000000001,2.0108935093509355,2525,95,456,45,54,814,284,606,0.1,0.774,0.126,0.9149,3,0,2,1,3,4,73.0,10,1,16,7,27,37,3,5,25,0,43,12,2,6,3,103,86,37,3,21,12,0,7,4,3,11,4,2,6,4,19,39,4,4,17,3,0,9,9,13,0,2,21,10,94,24,76,49,10,74,0,3,1,2,59,34,0,14,33,317,113,8,0.0,0.12463952574623885,0.05132784136795469,0.0,0.0,0.05139793727483659,0.09324950846232473,0.0,0.05266907422538848,0.0,0.0,0.042062421900634965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03576829085540352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03677758744569549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751545917019493,0.0,0.049417341302862634,0.0,0.0,0.06412623125028517,0.17427033124913094,0.08951366553427284,0.0,0.0551981201476058,0.1395553738075843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045308326091630505,0.11029553336523518,0.05683950939226552,0.0,0.04199504365340475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458818663879486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053825785684669766,0.0,0.051525795607249625,0.06099672065413021,0.053820655176136066,0.0,0.05916541774025396,0.04658601706485845,0.0,0.0,0.034740334521142516,0.0,0.044315894209775525,0.05025942832284398,0.33090042237928924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616510902951494,0.037575861180527234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360143866815571,0.0,0.12191073215628295,0.0,0.027480166698700584,0.0,0.059785055633104336,0.04411651843318939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395361169605606,0.16797392956065804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035255180066951004,0.0,0.10551971436338786,0.05224145884047061,0.0,0.060690770778338336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658552803228346,0.04675131940429595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042874206997259474,0.0,0.11138689903711638,0.0,0.0,0.07430272838423402,0.10278646477221363,0.0,0.13933439766511374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949430915166056,0.04976928674545805,0.07021884687612365,0.05332588860220728,0.05284153490567984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055903111152102114,0.07733083363934101,0.07800116783501572,0.0,0.0,0.05593833073535074,0.098718898087334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128322756249987,0.0,0.05596774133313951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878804827354625,0.13777904579137915,0.10990696063565217,0.0,0.04972189875752206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614839846259184,0.05287529177483972,0.17676463769146633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03369548169720853,0.0,0.0,0.056470326499298035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531909765345854,0.0,0.0,0.047883039194596085,0.10974190156319392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912210319236444,0.1052715215592496,0.0,0.04456592432151394,0.0,0.104041089377457,0.0,0.0,0.056062230108148974,0.12601395388253714,0.04397409531938201,0.06025057389148565,0.0,0.0,0.11506685841745892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048424964757978084,0.0,0.0,0.034943624749150484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030670185754820275,0.0,0.04985654088354883,0.05025942832284398,0.05843806367626761,0.035710436816891906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796118849222501,0.0,0.05792901853010118,0.0,0.1240941225222482,0.04174966580452695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949226222868908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057040043636924685,0.07658361370298371,0.0,0.0,0.18681975232958112,0.0,0.0,0.1016137284132012
ptsd,NaNoClanforlife,2020/03/16,Fake This is a subreddit for quitters because they think they can't get over simple stuff. All of you will get taken advantage of by those smarter than you unless you man up and make the change.,7.405789473684213,6.780306421052632,6.414736842105262,82.91315789473686,63.73684210526316,9.705263157894738,32.1578947368421,8.841846274778883,2.359168421052632,156,5,31,2,2,47,33,38,0.075,0.8029999999999999,0.122,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,8,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27972433114064643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854261118543193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794837369703246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063008630466461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252990671683466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29402687939682143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Yourewurstnightmare,2020/03/16,"Can you get ptsd over a traumatic event a loved one experienced? My daughter opened up 6 months ago about something serious that had happened to her, after this I have tried to put my feelings aside and focus on her and try get her to talk about it, but I literally feel like a ticking time bomb. 

Not a day goes by where I dont think about what happened, I dont even mean too the majority of the time it just pops in my head, as soon as it does I get this weird numb feeling which I'm used to as I suffer from anxiety but I also feel so much rage at what has happened and I know I'm breathing but i feel like I'm not if that makes any sense.

I'm constantly having dreams about it, sometimes I can talk to people about it like advice on how to help my daughter but whenever someone speaks about the specifics of the event I feel sick and no longer want to talk.

I'm already on medication for anxiety which was working really well but lately my panic attacks have returned, I had one a few days ago which was the worse one I've ever experienced. I keep having intrusive thoughts about suicide mainly because I have failed to protect my daughter, I wont attempt anything though as she has been through enough as it is, it's just getting exhausting battling these feelings all the time.

I honestly feel at breaking point and I need to keep it together to support my daughter, I was just wondering if it's worth making a trip to my doctor to see if its possibly ptsd or not so I can get the right help to keep me going for her.",8.034160887656036,5.864302598705502,8.025624133148407,76.83444174757284,63.46601941747573,11.158668515950069,37.60540915395285,9.606745405546679,3.3328185852981966,1209,48,248,18,14,393,163,309,0.184,0.693,0.12300000000000001,-0.9757,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,0,3,21,17,3,1,13,0,20,8,2,4,2,45,58,24,1,5,15,4,8,3,0,1,5,1,0,0,20,6,0,4,13,1,1,3,7,10,1,3,7,12,34,7,41,50,6,32,0,2,1,1,17,12,0,5,19,168,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115888073939224,0.165386419604152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294441581967136,0.07460150163510962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343829214204573,0.0,0.14272844902026674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676717159062198,0.0,0.0,0.10612731808820317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686682945614398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081000002526992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032466840678292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954830968574694,0.08163599638089977,0.0,0.21866310819997128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963903066804232,0.0,0.061615118803802035,0.08438334341927071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773492839074577,0.13328836251616022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436927794777373,0.0,0.05301709606860305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474798974291342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573927447919522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505648769459118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487530536797597,0.0,0.0,0.051268041544921206,0.0,0.10523168847850037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672580429187695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419507100364439,0.0,0.12453946262104257,0.0,0.0,0.10161678401073153,0.0,0.09397673924497328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446071497713944,0.0,0.0685766065232516,0.06917105562217453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964085675292924,0.0,0.0,0.10945207943138777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467339176513677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881862751560685,0.10516696512163272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809479208967114,0.09377910228554998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059761978016110426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966650439342142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433758280809613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790416891351519,0.07181681456173114,0.09226313118210837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204072945033396,0.1058608706192449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494143397278132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597744798888238,0.09165390733728586,0.07405937975065381,0.16318902783171416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667136556611944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056993121848059,0.0,0.0,0.05502303163926494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387612799018053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116566560763172,0.06791397552407101,0.0,0.09506732261803544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WintersGain,2020/03/17,I just saw a man stab my dog to death over 100 times Please tell me this will get better. Please tell me i won't see these images every time i close my eyes.,3.7377142857142864,3.003974914285717,4.0464285714285735,97.22107142857143,71.28571428571429,7.0,17.5,3.1291,-0.9387142857142858,122,0,32,0,2,38,29,35,0.192,0.622,0.187,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,2,2,0,4,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,2,15,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25927570722054016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24699947767383826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316371116960995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6436020766049521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336101235060672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124685558120298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34188726174588346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,my-pp-unicorn,2020/03/17,"Memory loss and hypervigilance I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, but I had to stop therapy because pf the corona virus. I am getting very weary because of my symptoms since I’m back to the source of all my problems, aka my house. How do you manage your symptoms?
Also, has anyone experienced any memory loss of two years or so?",4.36967741935484,6.280892096774196,5.804064516129035,75.53609677419358,71.58064516129033,8.830967741935485,28.529032258064518,9.3871,2.7366670967741946,258,10,46,6,5,87,49,62,0.214,0.7859999999999999,0.0,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,1,8,7,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,7,0,6,5,1,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,29,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903659917855792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188003104645687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664479027413065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830433452837868,0.0,0.29022231863561954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241612556936262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243696618418497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746741212082992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22777870069303024,0.27826404622853096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691482648027736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901783801520434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948436781110136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722273359016254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23253719735827644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641359375373105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329437626539782
ptsd,Cupcakegirl02,2020/03/17,"TW - Supressed or false memories? TW - CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE

I have been abused in everyway throughout my entire life and am still abused. (Mental abuse by my grandmother ages 1-4, sexual abuse by multiple perpetrators from ages 4-16, physical and verbal abuse by my mother from age 10-now) The most prominent memories are of my past sexual abuse. The only memories that I know are 100% real are of the sexual abuse that i endured from a  friend of the same gender as me from ages 6-12 and then again by my cousin from ages 12-16 (This same cousin who abused me also sexually assaulted me when I was 5). I am going to be 18 in about 7 months, and have started to have reccuring dreams of my father performing a sexual act on me as I was sleeping. During the dreams, I am sleeping as he preformed that act on me. I have only one true memory of my father and that is him exposing himself to me when I was 5. I'm not sure how old I was when the possible sexual act happened because I can't tell by the dream, but I know when I was 13 I suddenly started to have an intense hatred for my father. I despise his touch and feel a sudden intense anger or that there is something stuck/crawling on my skin where he touched me which causes me to feel the intense need to scratch, hit or attempt to rip my skin off the area he touched me. (This feeling intensifies if he touches my back.) In an instance I feel trapped I breakdown when he touches me. one morning I went to get a bowl from the cabinet and he came up from behind me and put his arms around my waist. I shouted for him to get off me and since he didn't listen I got very angry and subconsciously slammed the cabinet door so hard it bounced back open. It wasn't until I slammed the door he let go. Last night I was sitting in the kitchen chair and he approached the side of me (where I would have no way out, as the kitchen chair was not parallel to the table.) He touched my back and I kept flinching. I shouted again telling him to stop and leave me alone repeatedly but he didn't stop until I said it about 4 times. He also forces me to hug him, he will lock me in by putting his arms around my neck, all because I didn't want a hug from him. Besides all this, when I was younger and even now, he sometimes watches sexual movies in front of me or if I'm not around him he leaves the volume very high. (I live in a two story house and he makes it loud enough I could hear it from upstairs.) Since I was thirteen, He makes comments to me like ""I just want to spend time with you"" , ""sitting with you was the best part of my day"" and other comments that aren't sexual at all but I feel very threatened by them. I have a younger sister and feel sverely anxious when she is around him. I am Constantly on guard to make sure he doesn't violate her, but nothing has seemed to happen. Anything to do with fathers never fails to trigger me. 

Sorry for this post being so long, I wanted to give as detailed explanation as I could. If there is anyone out there who can help me, please do! I can't tell if the dream is a false memory, as I tend to dissociate during the day and create false memories based on past trauma. (However, I am positive that these are false memories) or if the dream is a flashback of a memory that I have Supressed. (I wake up and have an anxiety attack everytime I have this dream)
I feel like I'm going crazy!! :(",4.538445747800587,5.033809809384167,5.386671554252204,84.05000733137834,69.67448680351906,8.721994134897361,29.429618768328446,8.776555601660561,2.101394721407624,2638,95,551,43,44,863,283,682,0.13699999999999998,0.775,0.08800000000000001,-0.9863,1,2,1,0,9,0,77.0,0,2,1,4,32,16,5,0,34,0,55,14,9,6,7,86,94,55,0,12,18,8,17,2,1,2,1,6,4,0,23,30,3,4,10,6,1,12,13,7,0,3,20,24,95,9,86,66,9,88,0,1,1,2,55,29,0,12,45,370,118,1,0.0,0.6647153897453246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456068349491675,0.0,0.09969920679447083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047686416635173534,0.07042126817043924,0.0,0.04358636676713542,0.0,0.051296729607906655,0.2219669166027452,0.0,0.07091552583198082,0.0,0.14379624345682968,0.0,0.07599817249557532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541716509171247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129510061119806,0.0,0.06403563527526579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736243117886423,0.0,0.09953950230051843,0.0,0.0,0.08040236278781683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440913995081847,0.0,0.041171949201053916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063058740286948,0.04453242805618336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048160181727161085,0.0,0.06513535594580022,0.05979780358641853,0.10627994695950634,0.0,0.0498553203663064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024599116849236,0.0,0.05584028180378984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025653541389525,0.0,0.04178211012640472,0.06586078118940744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719266917230703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068515820243611,0.05081167745959244,0.0,0.13200839347209192,0.0,0.06374217821314207,0.0440293422717851,0.0609078635034733,0.0,0.05504330745708325,0.05516487465491668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248281069996992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281942999699862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975552809165025,0.0,0.0,0.04622091531346218,0.048076909641398366,0.0,0.0,0.05849755785687909,0.0,0.05981250534018849,0.0,0.06541052493646476,0.0,0.08448017166628863,0.09481777371793616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750317251349501,0.1190124010050181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842555920556324,0.0,0.07027380665132611,0.05970008993432896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532860474442034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095134146196534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929524784027581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674781444928784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312898759914806,0.0,0.12476085212470595,0.0,0.0,0.04798884264643581,0.06165131259838681,0.06977938597806856,0.08824264549120593,0.0,0.04978113749133377,0.10423038485999918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750076899337275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345168287063788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269655559107265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060892636098948766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429972011194468,0.11030111639093404,0.04947894553573895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778554789094161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04428128547804226,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,masterbuilders1,2020/03/17,"Apologies if this is a little insensitive in some way or something but I'm not sure... but since I've been finding out lately I have a few more disabilities than I thought. And recently got a psych major as a girlfriend and she loves to talk about different things she learns about... All my life I've known about my autism, in the past month I've learned I have Dyslexia and Dyscalculia (basically Dyslexia with math) and being a CS major... that's gunna hurt me but I got this... anyways... 

I'm not going to go too in-depth because privacy... my life financially has been okay most my life that's kinda going away as my parents are growing older and arent even trying to find jobs right now.
The emotional state of every single person in my family is trash though... my bio mom is a drunk who married my step father who is an abusive alcoholic addict. My dad is the most sane person but he married my step mom who raised me the most out of everyone and she has had chronic depression and PTSD from her first husband being abusive mentally and physically. From about 14 years old to 18-19 yrs old I had serious depression... I thought of killing myself 1-3 times a week, it was through my belief in God why I'm still alive right now... this morning I was sitting on the toilet half asleep and my step mom as a joke banged a little on the bathroom door and tried opening it while moving the handle vigorously, in that moment I freaked out and got super anxious and scared.... that's what she used to do all the time when she was super pissed and about to take all her anger out on me... I was washing my hands when she did that so I dried my hands and rushed to the door to try and catch her running away to play it off as a joke... me being half asleep and super mad and scared basically in tears then (and now as I'm writing this) I walk out of the bathroom and do the same to her room (my parents room) cause I heard her laughing from behind the door. But her door actually opens and she is laughing and my dad says ""what the heck, whyd you just walk into our room) point being that I was right back mentally where I was in that moment that I was back when I lived here and was super depressed (nobody ever found out I was depressed all my life) 

I'm wondering maybe I have slight PTSD from growing up how I did...

As soon as I thought of it I remembered all the times in my head I'm back in those days then I act on it and seeing as though my flight or fight reaction is always a fight reaction. When it comes to this sorts thing I always act defensively 

And when I act defensively, to something seemingly small to them, they then react mad and upset and then it escalates from there to the point of me just exhausted and done.. it's been three days since I came home for spring break and it's already happened.

My mom ended up yelling at me to go back to flag where I go to college and I was yelling back and saying okay that's cool because I can't stand being here with her. Then she went on a bike ride and as I was packing up my dad took my shoes so I cant go back... I've calmed down and stopped packing and am not heading back for a while...


Tl;dr I'm trying to see if I have PTSD.",3.2631731706550116,4.524392101694918,4.193692022263452,88.58649790887081,73.28351309707242,7.1469576428414205,25.263387943775353,7.5991,1.1022279865413038,2490,78,534,30,49,804,275,649,0.133,0.772,0.095,-0.9832,5,0,3,1,4,1,77.0,1,1,2,5,38,36,9,3,29,3,44,19,8,4,7,95,77,68,1,2,14,11,2,0,1,0,9,5,8,2,31,46,2,3,13,5,0,25,6,20,0,4,30,10,79,16,79,42,15,119,1,5,2,1,46,44,2,12,45,364,110,6,0.0,0.15520894540447164,0.06391664346371008,0.07140253664559564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999749060409705,0.0,0.0,0.07227872108718543,0.0,0.1089992403321359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399414728362406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307513820176096,0.3525476741864013,0.0,0.07985400029027613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491231430904917,0.0,0.067284534218988,0.0,0.0564207659538217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448164068380741,0.0,0.2256534798515111,0.0,0.0,0.068431516209396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702724020864466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367648454131688,0.05801182679363324,0.0,0.0,0.04326084082671342,0.05924673130487752,0.05518492760441965,0.06258618861004166,0.0,0.0,0.06174572740804374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972805259797772,0.05571260339964925,0.0,0.07181522536113154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233442893866708,0.0,0.1571543092263683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057919704656602886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443978018764832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569987926248476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011701156135354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499670289443055,0.0,0.0724638821666841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388464736537657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505282404028828,0.0,0.13129249557470152,0.05783597348885711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911454259596005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580158948102892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201324759506206,0.0,0.0,0.30684207356926696,0.052279914426952866,0.06961405601311471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745836000379286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545565503465788,0.0,0.06252529496649728,0.0,0.11438073258639984,0.0,0.0,0.1238336462443702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296911278164465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467141744181554,0.0,0.0741965166143297,0.1678049170087035,0.0,0.10417334815907403,0.1311499380302892,0.0,0.10438692320123333,0.059626960000515775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836131890089483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008471895779233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230682313992068,0.05475929821437845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173113203380475,0.0,0.04924637831532856,0.052644847343477484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702798110717143,0.0,0.12870299281870404,0.15599439397269127,0.1145773098348431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277073769631669,0.17787549190670968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656928100651262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051989299234840025,0.052538580712570566,0.0,0.0,0.060717343674621525,0.059101797812400214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102983556545887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04217859337745775
ptsd,Kelekona,2020/03/17,"Any tips to cope since I can't get a shrink to listen to me? What I have is PTSD-like, and I am undiagnosed autism.  Are there any self-help tips to be calm and happy instead of ruminating?",2.428166666666666,3.441606150000002,4.065000000000001,89.66666666666669,75.0,7.333333333333335,20.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.4333333333333336,146,3,35,2,3,49,32,40,0.0,0.83,0.17,0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5110396737866683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631152466970145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999880905425641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518543001333133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357028030506767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392264027005797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919845220051302,0.0,0.0,0.31082057508180183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,InternalDependent,2020/03/17,"Weird obsessions with teachers This is the first time I am writing because I feel like I might have an issue. So this is a long story. When I was a child I was sexually abused by my cousin for four years. This resulted in complex PTSD. As a result of this PTSD, I experienced maladaptive daydreams that involve vivid daydreams which consist of men who are authority figures and love me in a fatherly way. The men in these daydreams can be tv show characters or men that I have met in real life. They all are extremely good looking, but they love me in a very fatherly way not in a sexual what so ever. This has also impacted my in real-life relationships with men, specifically those who are in authority positions even more specifically teachers. The abuse began in grade 4 and there was a teacher named Mr. Lambert who wasn't even my teacher and I began obsessing over him because he wasn't creepy. I would always tell my mom that he loves me so much even though he didn't even know my name. Next in grade 7 and 8, another teacher came to my school named Mr. Russell. I would spend hours and hours imagining he loved me like a daughter. I would spend hours and hours stalkThis is the first time I am writing because I feel like I might have an issue. So this is a long story. When I was a child I was sexually abused by my cousin for four years. This resulted in complex PTSD. As a result of this PTSD, I experienced maladaptive daydreams that involve vivid daydreams which consist of men who are authority figures and love me in a fatherly way. The men in these daydreams can be tv show characters or men that I have met in real life. They all are extremely good looking, but they love me in a very fatherly way not in a sexual what so ever. This has also impacted my in real-life relationships with men, specifically those who are in authority positions even more specifically teachers. The abuse began in grade 4 and there was a teacher named Mr. Lambert who wasn't even my teacher and I began obsessing over him because he wasn't creepy. I would always tell my mom that he loves me so much even though he didn't even know my name. Next in grade 7 and 8, another teacher came to my school named Mr. Russell. I would spend hours and hours imagining he loved me like a daughter. I would spend hours and hours stalking him on Facebook finding out info on him and his wife. I found out where his wife worked and what high school he went to and what he majored in uni. one of the ing him on Facebook finding out info on him and his wife. I found out where his wife worked and what high school he went to and what he majored in uni. Whenever he wasn't teaching his class and his class would be in the library or gym he would leave paper notes on the door saying that Go to wherever and I would take those notes and keep them and hold them to feel safe. I still have them four years later. On the first day of high school, I had a gym teacher. I looked at him and knew I could trust and love him and he would fit my ideal""father figure"" that I craved so badly. I'm still in high school I talked to him every chance I get ii stalk him on Facebook. I read news articles that have his names on for obituaries and stalk his wife and her cousin's friends and the same for him. I know all of his friends and what his wife studied in university and whatnot. Now I am in Grade 12, I have a new supply teacher who I love so much. I started stalking him his friends on Pinterest Instagram and Twitter, and his sisters and I know what he studied for university I know what sports teams he plays on and what sports teams he likes. I bought him a very expensive gift despite knowing him for less than two weeks. I called him dad on purpose so I can attention from him he was laughing and told me not to feel embarrassed, but I just did it to get his attention. Also, I said it because he is very good looking and all the girls have a crush on him and I wanted to make it clear i don't. Another thing is that I lie to my friends and act like i Have all these men in my life just so they can see that I am loved and I make fake text messages showing them.",4.469860287081339,5.4534480715151545,5.001403508771928,84.98421052631579,70.1030303030303,8.359170653907496,29.019138755980865,8.637753336247197,1.995218181818181,3269,120,676,53,57,1045,242,825,0.046,0.7929999999999999,0.161,0.9987,0,0,0,0,4,0,62.0,0,0,9,7,36,35,0,4,34,0,64,14,0,6,8,129,116,64,0,12,11,19,4,6,4,12,3,2,1,16,49,48,0,3,26,13,6,6,11,7,0,8,32,15,115,28,79,68,14,99,0,0,7,11,142,53,0,5,42,445,164,20,0.0,0.20068824195917898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159016716298476,0.07046908881487758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332076981453746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03535641885654701,0.12906600590820047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04323911716919325,0.09686310683058988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03380914453637953,0.0,0.0,0.027309108863663303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237484977058252,0.07660719758399417,0.03567760245620634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564389007095105,0.060502745620000326,0.0,0.0,0.07740537224342227,0.10805625025774893,0.0,0.09285850945039993,0.13086298462663007,0.0,0.044247170474120766,0.0,0.024065715988977675,0.1065512702255728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895983958520914,0.0,0.0,0.33361142452972536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883946383796117,0.0,0.03763830151128175,0.0,0.0,0.13963067221199746,0.0,0.0,0.04483738366943765,0.0,0.0,0.08972886315310145,0.12412616376404845,0.0,0.0,0.07494822366736402,0.1422369935744427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203995123018428,0.0,0.05653141267827427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984299269559516,0.0,0.09918822034266447,0.0,0.0,0.09338563926290494,0.0,0.0,0.04089719512386312,0.09006906265244201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028694159286637613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979967864823667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042356594061957666,0.19279213603422726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092565524581954,0.0,0.0,0.040279920196906384,0.033674550855565116,0.0,0.2571332231060474,0.033743590045970044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029972104408132468,0.0,0.06763375880858186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03183827150298769,0.03403541540095878,0.07402302862239761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02813222601980209,0.0,0.08320776001782691,0.0,0.04938357734309715,0.0,0.0,0.04046259102638353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041365043776390234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975668402648422,0.0249762576692174,0.13444638821480115,0.033966712971211385,0.0,0.0,0.0785087285190716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165552502271328,0.0,0.0,0.30080768868301194,0.0,0.0,0.08180663554385434
ptsd,OldHolbornstfu1953,2020/03/17,"Hey.. help please I have been talking to this ""mind person"" that i cant actually see but i dont want to admit to myself that im talking to myself... and im wondering whats going on with me. Im diagnosed with ptsd and im feeling kinda messed up. The mind person has his or its name and i sometimes feel like hes taking over. I can still talk to him but hes almost appearing whenever he wants. I feel really dissociated from time to time but it comes up quite reguraly this last year. I dont know whats happening to me and i feel really weird a lot of the time.
Can someone help me? Or can someone say something they know about this stuff? Cuz i dont really know what i should google anymore...",0.8894748858447521,2.9470740205479484,3.4005205479452063,88.01868036529682,82.76712328767123,6.90703196347032,20.69223744292237,8.021203637495839,0.9887831963470312,541,16,118,11,15,188,82,146,0.062,0.846,0.092,0.6173,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,13,1,0,1,0,32,30,10,0,3,5,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,11,7,0,0,9,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,6,20,1,16,28,1,13,0,0,1,0,17,4,0,7,7,73,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.1076388879662798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045156836409878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093899929577218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950154478766272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195425727535616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878195376767352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22308811948562093,0.07879980540877407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268719601139494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753973711263177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786627593603693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765805607483194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185736344111486,0.08991089125564365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538880092713859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377485710208476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22274725058768047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926229882105555,0.0,0.121078526048082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289371919116305,0.0,0.0,0.11731980580962754,0.0,0.0,0.21198694993084533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771661607929468,0.0,0.0,0.08789645171199988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869171353133137,0.08491590572067079,0.10909154627318443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808735832673407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626945587198754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293341312952908,0.26596982498418353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929540343242945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011801193518938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961786630793007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103090276805843
ptsd,notsookie,2020/03/17,"all the old feelings are coming back this feels like a selfish thing to be fixating on right now given everything that's going on. i haven't been feeling much of anything since my suicide attempt last year. i think i blocked it all out. 

recently, i came across old pictures, message chains, and a bunch of poems i wrote during that time and it's really messing me up. i was sure i deleted them. i spent a great deal of time overanalyzing all of it to the point of cutting again in panic, and then i just deleted everything again. 

i can feel a lot of shit surfacing, or trying to, and i'm trying with everything to hold it down because i know i can't handle it. i'm scared of what i could do to myself. i used to be very open with my friends and family over this stuff but i think i'm carrying some stuff around with me that makes me feel like absolute shit to open myself up to them.",4.963818181818184,5.126508311111113,5.738484848484847,83.06590909090913,68.66666666666667,8.98989898989899,29.696969696969692,8.841846274778883,2.138666666666667,696,24,145,11,11,228,106,180,0.11699999999999999,0.8170000000000001,0.066,-0.7805,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,1,6,12,3,2,6,0,10,2,2,2,4,37,29,8,1,1,3,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,14,14,0,2,8,0,1,3,2,7,0,0,6,5,24,5,28,20,7,30,0,0,0,0,6,15,2,3,14,102,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834785202771467,0.1172084400845284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124111372719546,0.0,0.08026085494013774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058798232104978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134164574190423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051226008812324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573929968437926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354992024980368,0.0,0.1241206414871054,0.0,0.3328651389033648,0.18812087875179084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172290286899714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482740813238285,0.0,0.0,0.14515948694038244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723588229703442,0.10732333528380177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286482828952392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193560968428187,0.0,0.0,0.08788641673314057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678783081610573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763174155951982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447876300038624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446457637436616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434701730972825,0.0,0.13000183422752615,0.0,0.0,0.1124399199649316,0.0,0.0,0.1318181445311874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27030140629937066,0.10891341781015054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014464423474814,0.14401851242146665,0.0,0.12409130201230552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747138705618854,0.1687293244712708,0.0,0.0,0.1535481054701004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878176423765865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371500088729995,0.0,0.10863618642873436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478698505626199
ptsd,SLMA1983,2020/03/17,"The cycle Sometimes I get so sick of the up and down cycle I let run my life. I would be fine with the nightmares, fine with the feeling I'll be abandoned by everyone all at once. What I absolutely hate is loosing interest in things. A week ago I was excited about going back to college and finishing school now I dont even want to eat. It's like I just lose all excitement for anything all at once. It cycles hard and different things seem to trigger it but it's really starting to fuck my head up.",1.9097058823529385,4.0684935000000015,3.6585882352941184,86.99964705882354,79.68627450980392,7.217254901960787,25.88627450980392,8.238735603445708,1.7858321568627449,395,16,81,8,10,132,72,102,0.158,0.731,0.11199999999999999,-0.7798,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,2,0,5,0,7,5,1,1,3,16,15,5,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,2,9,6,16,10,3,14,0,2,0,1,0,6,1,1,7,56,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737518342435106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130026764570005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072028134686252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047896693663472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297233123618477,0.0,0.0,0.200568082582856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946334934774364,0.0,0.0,0.18729681267226453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910899937601347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812089165016875,0.1024076040281924,0.0,0.11139751026997784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755872639290889,0.19352018127659731,0.20116373024723824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043442310433301,0.1384482938188794,0.0957610237527083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192860569476626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41749041802168463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556960025100952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837349305562355,0.0,0.17844095966632118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385978987041952,0.0,0.13873752229715486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604418616419789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561230596615432,0.0,0.15722811898806294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924051794138045,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bigbadcowboy1234,2020/03/17,"When should I tell the person I am seeing about my PTSD? I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month and it’s been going well. I just like don’t know when /if I should disclose? I personally feel like I want to disclose it because I only started seeing a therapist about 7 months ago so I am just beginning to process my traumas so it’s a decent prt of my life right now. I just feel the need to share as well because sometimes when we’re getting sexual I have to ask him to take a break because my body shuts down, he always reacts well and never asks me why but I just kind of want to explain to him like it’s not his fault. I just don’t know if it’s “too soon” or if there even is a right time or if I’m supposed to wait until the moment feels right ?!?!? idk pls help me",2.5262156862745084,3.1743836411764725,4.025588235294118,91.43348039215687,74.3529411764706,6.607843137254903,22.990196078431374,6.42735559955562,0.3619607843137258,609,15,142,4,12,203,98,170,0.023,0.818,0.159,0.9463,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,20,10,0,0,9,0,11,2,1,1,1,29,32,16,0,9,13,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,2,3,0,2,6,22,8,17,28,0,23,0,0,3,0,13,7,0,6,17,94,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187591105616826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147638993998367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25049361316084745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450063591498781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488139632597191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848799948394595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20322254436850606,0.09571044235995367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999543931200451,0.0,0.07614002635452796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265447789060514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979937581407564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951241534477712,0.14725627481838013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462919516388762,0.19635753585328056,0.1342762884244058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387217411531748,0.0,0.0,0.09933939028323814,0.10332834947316204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189261468833813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339603672203437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660743843839886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432370043187121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202777556969361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250286720092894,0.0,0.09482688238243496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073113272135308,0.0,0.1170984348176619,0.0,0.0,0.15555314862908445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812081888829807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804166541670214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613738436800267,0.0,0.12088992618688454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,babyboi1998,2020/03/17,"CORONAVIRUS is pushing me over the edge!  

I CAN'T FUCKING LISTEN OR TAKE IT ANYMORE FROM ANYONE!!!!!!!!! everywhere is compromised, the internet everything. this pandemic is making me SUFFER! The world has changed radically and i am starting to feel the same way as i do in my depressive episodes. usually my depressive episodes only exist within me, but now they are REAL, they are happening to the whole world, it's almost like my deepest and darkest obsessive/depressive traits that are native to me are now a global pandemic. It feels like those thoughts and worries and episodes have come to life. It feels like that bad dream is no longer a dream but happening in real life. I feel massive dissociation and if i have another nervous breakdown for 10 days, i will seriously consider finally taking action by OD'ing, i am sick of delaying and never attempting.

It's like i am having a bad dream, i am seriously sick and tired of this. they cancelled my favorite sports, wrestling has no crowds, every stocks are gone, everybody is dying and i am so on edge that i just want to kill myself and hopefully return as a ghost in the future to see how we beat this. the dissociation and flashbacks of my previous episodes is too hard to deal with.

ALSO FOR THOSE WHO ARE THICK, I WON'T KILL MYSELF SO STOP WORRYING! I AM TOO MUCH OF A COWARD TO ATTEMPT SUICIDE.",4.908571428571428,7.183237562249001,5.668020654044754,75.54457831325303,70.96787148594376,9.24084911072863,31.93746414228342,9.725611199111238,3.4977150889271367,1079,50,182,28,21,351,139,249,0.27699999999999997,0.616,0.107,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,0,4,34.0,1,0,3,3,10,16,3,1,12,0,27,6,0,2,1,34,45,20,5,3,5,0,6,4,0,2,5,1,0,0,14,13,0,2,5,4,0,4,5,11,0,0,2,8,28,5,25,41,3,26,0,3,1,1,8,10,1,4,15,135,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236558914350865,0.0,0.0,0.09875370608915156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948845581045354,0.0,0.0,0.12246740624519414,0.08634602804993158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621547303034055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306344553771599,0.10637440537338086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796398643370324,0.12731121759848485,0.31908138343005904,0.0,0.1281615631168856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404438437255184,0.0,0.11098349812984276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24975797711296385,0.17644041324270635,0.0,0.13527561191869353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141631252087057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184009393736576,0.0,0.11062143731102746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265194058933787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732434502160682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744471542274159,0.2413209671101912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242953036210184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907782537449808,0.0,0.0952419413765016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391856624367884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28111388833053536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984043436540392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740579346164894,0.0,0.0,0.10324191257852967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350763722498373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856959621701412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803607247496636,0.0,0.14193186091161855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360051326447341,0.0,0.07283671475160748,0.0980194206581889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787049638816573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508171250753207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LightSquirrel,2020/03/17,"Recently Diagnosed So yesterday I had my mental health feedback with the psychologist at my city’s youth wellness centre and I got diagnosed with two mental health disorders.

The first one which I was expecting (due to my background in psych) was Illness Anxiety Disorder which is what I’ve been diagnosed with. It means that I tend to think of the worse when it comes to any little physical symptom I have and it can panic attacks. 

Now this is where I was surprised with the second diagnosis. I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder which I did not expect at all. I was in literal shock and felt like, “wait, but I only had one traumatic experience in my life, how can I have PTSD” and I didn’t realize that all my intrusive memories, avoidance of areas, social events and certain types of people, hell my negative changes in my mood, behaviour and way of thinking is because of this.

Now, I’m not going to list my trauma because it’s NSFW, and I merely just wanna talk about my reaction to my diagnosis because I’m still in shock and processing it.

But I honestly thought I was depressed. Not traumatized. I honestly kept minimizing my pain because I believed that people have gone through worse things than me but for something that I have gone through to affect my behaviour and cognition to the point it affects my daily routine is still shocking.

I don’t know how to feel about this to be honest. I didn’t even expect this.",6.2829657166460136,7.487436579925653,6.863612143742255,72.47159334985544,66.1003717472119,10.736142090045435,35.76228831061545,10.746095033038511,4.243041966129699,1156,56,196,32,18,379,141,269,0.204,0.718,0.078,-0.9894,0,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,14,19,2,3,5,0,24,10,0,4,3,44,41,16,0,4,7,0,2,1,0,0,10,0,0,0,19,15,0,3,8,0,0,4,7,11,1,5,18,2,34,7,33,22,2,27,1,1,0,0,2,11,1,0,12,150,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419137632996525,0.0,0.08346079092533241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411638979091062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26602408119221344,0.0,0.0,0.12291773518259826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541276626364007,0.09397952744049334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396720800948044,0.4429346355279369,0.0,0.0,0.37511231116381744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205916667101787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067202098054916,0.0,0.0,0.055163966795351814,0.0,0.10475259399813457,0.0,0.0,0.09279994788202632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200373928005951,0.0,0.08725680735127067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319352558652324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059958211917854526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706017749328807,0.05330048701774896,0.10934632384016522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884129930705073,0.0,0.0,0.2198931973915964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785723990792896,0.08297505816825307,0.11608952120108955,0.12800471357281842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127166211343748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313425702873534,0.0,0.10448712811348863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127531434478877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772255830527268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121316377379584,0.0,0.08399009708581515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425394489066606,0.0,0.12497306678002187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339611596906088,0.0,0.08769001611155545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248083573737936,0.13981306187845485,0.0,0.08661278745558898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657432302426592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865980759291999,0.0,0.0,0.0980935199656077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223633477787834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ladycocacola,2020/03/17,"Feeling hopeless during Coronavirus The past few months I worked so hard to get my PTSD to s point where it was manageable enough to hold down a job.  I am working in a grocery store right now and as I'm sure you all now, it's been utter chaos and extremely stressful.  The amount of triggers I am having to deal with now on a daily basis are inumerable and unavoidable.  Trying DBT skills but they don't seem to help me get out of my mindset of being in danger.  I am already noticing myself start to disassociate or just be plain aggressive with customers when I feel in danger.  I am very very worried about my mental health.  

Just wondering if anyone else is feeling triggered by this and how you're coping.",5.6055636658556365,6.504526620437957,5.936447688564477,79.61364152473644,67.46715328467154,8.424655312246554,30.55068937550689,8.515128840125781,2.3297175993511763,565,21,103,8,9,181,101,137,0.182,0.785,0.033,-0.9685,1,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,1,3,10,6,3,1,5,0,12,1,0,3,2,23,21,11,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,13,1,20,17,4,16,0,1,0,0,4,9,0,4,7,72,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068953570310388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271623267205889,0.18633938567971411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874920133916611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519225893671815,0.0,0.0,0.18791233832304124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758650820771938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003105852096372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291287128472798,0.0,0.0,0.19331108726952712,0.0,0.0,0.12189844515729728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047023978719107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327439229696796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516072773738312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20705139818767124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736081135330253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191862691667908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258725990738644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530938371452574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556057907356422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872304976223306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20832261424447532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140303591353576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347254263346315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001108355218549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722187258273266,0.26479579503472844,0.18468996157821535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CorrectFace9,2020/03/17,Trauma I once looked into the mirror and understood.That no one will understand.Haven’t looked at mirror the same since.,4.274285714285714,7.691739285714291,3.4352380952380983,82.90142857142861,84.71428571428571,6.609523809523811,21.285714285714285,7.793537801064563,1.6553999999999998,99,3,15,2,3,29,18,21,0.23800000000000002,0.762,0.0,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6754792890846687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283209216531829,0.2725354329944563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326970428118744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186956335556855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,4thShotOfJhin,2020/03/17,"Freedom. 22 and I finally see the years pan out and each event trigger a different learned response. Why I always feel like I’m in a corner, even as I tackle life. I finally have a name for my demon, or the place that I go. I can finally be free from the darkness of my own mind because it has a name. I cannot change any event that is in my past, but I can choose to thrive. It will be hard and it will have its ups and downs, but fuck it. I’ve made it this far, so can you.",0.5967619047619017,1.8786311523809545,2.6704761904761902,96.6961904761905,80.33333333333334,6.19047619047619,21.19047619047619,6.937597516519254,0.18290476190476168,361,10,92,4,9,122,69,105,0.08,0.8540000000000001,0.066,-0.3291,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,7,0,12,2,0,2,0,17,18,9,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,12,3,10,13,2,16,1,0,1,1,3,8,1,1,8,61,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690088171460769,0.0,0.0,0.138125872819293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238176531535244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148698388307929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221303148206944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415622924689194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027015731302047,0.1451061400579287,0.0,0.6675110830474339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777750665543846,0.0,0.0,0.11543552673869248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195207640760705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346686639874384,0.09923223769669376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219330884722832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508929922874888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389724390366653,0.0,0.0,0.21221303148206944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185718691249806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832806340492524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080007078742545
ptsd,HunterAlyak,2020/03/17,"Quarantined w/ Abusive Family Despite a few occasional options I may have to get out of the house in solitary confinement with a few friends (who have to quarantine first), I'm not going to be able to leave my house because I'm immunocompromised. 
This means I'm going to be stuck in a house with my alcoholic, psychologically abusive parents, who have given me PTSD, for almost the entire quarantine period - which may extend to longer. And I'm freaking out about how to handle my flares and the entire situation as a whole. 

Does anyone know any advice that may make getting through this easier? Anything for grounding from flare ups maybe?
It's not a situation I can exactly leave either :/
❤❤❤",7.1394531249999975,8.0284027890625,7.7968750000000036,67.66062500000001,64.078125,10.775,34.75,10.686352973137794,3.9981687500000014,559,24,92,14,8,186,82,128,0.14,0.799,0.061,-0.8523,1,3,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,8,0,9,1,0,2,1,20,22,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,7,6,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,6,1,21,15,4,10,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,5,2,61,13,0,0.14843832017491987,0.3517502731870792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505220851437406,0.0,0.1586354212911995,0.14863953578425745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094314788583633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037915248291568,0.0,0.12215208973940135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048662222395487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989937429325993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993443758872787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626155931103586,0.0,0.0,0.11468307794996935,0.0,0.15510579145133008,0.0,0.16872183623567552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138336753144885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157781877069456,0.0,0.0,0.3143494965275861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908373135920533,0.0,0.14912624408199296,0.16169284685518626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648231880634001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735164528211436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33370178239684817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572608343727765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,twrhi,2020/03/17,Paralisis When my partner is having an episode she goes limp. She usually finds a place to sit down and then can't hold herself up. We can't find anything about this so I was hoping someone might know something here. Thanks for any help.,2.6243478260869537,5.269528391304352,2.8762608695652183,90.82743478260872,80.30434782608697,5.419130434782609,26.591304347826085,6.742157984588678,1.1299791304347826,190,8,37,2,5,58,43,46,0.0,0.818,0.182,0.8261,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,9,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,5,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,3,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19790651973617912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23948822149044935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5319819189450158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950674696179545,0.0,0.0,0.2890528190696728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993935733841164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087308172077633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040584768519514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24658396502510946,0.22404474251334136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26793609687253955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205221769016398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DellPickle303,2020/03/17,"Bullying I was bullied severely from kindergarten to senior year. I have PTSD from it and at first and I thought it was Aspergers. That was traumatic in itself. Not just that but my experience with customers and almost getting raped(I’m a a male) has brought me much more PTSD and add in working with homeless and violent people. Yup my whole life has been full of trauma. PTSD has fucked up my life in every single way possible and I’m only 21. I feel extremely nervous around grown men even though I’m one(thanks father). And those aren’t all the reasons for my PTSD. Add my abusive violent father and my other issues and yes you’ve got up a fucked up man. But bullying was the greatest cause. So I also have social anxiety, depression, and feel numb due to it. So when someone says that bullying is minor, they’re  full of bullshit. And don’t forget my own teachers at my alternative school who had mental issues themselves. Oh ya and extreme threats from a violent gang member with PTSD himself. I could go on and on.",3.5139214616853,6.0854156580310885,4.267952004363238,82.55582492500683,76.35751295336787,7.171966184892282,28.810744477774747,8.20500826718156,2.323710880829016,814,36,143,15,19,260,122,193,0.33399999999999996,0.628,0.038,-0.9975,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,8,10,6,1,6,2,15,5,0,2,1,32,26,20,0,1,4,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,10,19,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,10,0,1,9,3,17,0,22,16,9,22,0,1,0,2,10,13,2,1,5,103,27,3,0.0,0.14038452482236236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864491482450965,0.0,0.0,0.09475185461505264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906401677887646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547615014957776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171601758663166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460007510266848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205035689442367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825776493806454,0.0,0.09982813579351492,0.0,0.0,0.11590038407227557,0.0,0.0,0.11981844769953842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078268793714976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219073658509787,0.061903158262824186,0.0,0.06733736008928225,0.0,0.09476272116935468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24733365910476104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737793496523332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940431001315033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709959597149411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028803037601291,0.09011265183649476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214209740663724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335732494802966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6925090507378996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182159741941548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942234736687077,0.0,0.11991244060734885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385353761637228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077982622755815,0.10039136576759462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908442769477623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641022650456805,0.09406330206780177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404732504187677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228349341829598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862579840103183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630000672370335
ptsd,Cristian_17_,2020/03/17,"Traumatized By Gore Videos I was introduced to gore sites by a former friend a few years ago, and I've been frequenting those websites since, mostly to satisfy my morbid curiosity. I've seen so many people die agonizing deaths, and even though I've stopped visiting these websites altogether, I cannot stop thinking about all those people who were deprived of their lives and how their last moments were spent in unimaginable pain. Those images will forever be burned onto my eyes, but I guess that is what I get for seeking out content of this nature. If anyone out there is considering visiting these sites, I strongly advise that you don't. There is nothing to be gained from it but trauma and mental torment.",8.888006644518269,8.939063581395352,7.9707862679955745,70.73930232558142,60.47286821705426,11.092358803986714,36.258028792912505,10.608840637214634,3.910598228128461,578,23,95,12,7,179,94,129,0.14300000000000002,0.795,0.062,-0.8662,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,2,7,5,0,0,2,0,12,2,1,1,1,16,17,10,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,2,1,1,1,2,2,3,0,0,6,2,10,2,14,8,3,16,0,1,2,0,8,6,0,3,8,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126506513546014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666457986827706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473487956353383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574146428536332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413307976570306,0.0,0.12451752943834335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26254724046787603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427066765862527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104496569382168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24162909842046695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24018047066358525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22868395470734199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535998036495287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304558707176884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971489456510976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39850891506524816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271216847642047,0.2341579042569105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347663350272298
ptsd,Asak0pt3r,2020/03/17,"Having breakdowns over CoVid-19. I need someone to talk to. I'm panicking, drinking vodka like a fish, and waking up to find that I've been lipping people off. 

It looks like nobody in my area is taking this seriously... except for hoarding resources. 

I need a friendly chat. 

If anyone is down, please DM me.",3.2342105263157883,5.945168122807019,4.055350877192982,82.9082894736842,78.29824561403508,5.203508771929825,27.043859649122812,6.42735559955562,1.373049122807017,241,10,40,2,6,77,48,57,0.049,0.774,0.177,0.765,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,4,3,2,0,0,6,9,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,10,8,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172927816262072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30442952435459697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840318388822998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400947963161977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303646301933986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609627321149657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608537945559819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544400135057454,0.0,0.0,0.34112455790457114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633085619295623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336551724960144,0.24977960426458026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,OneKickRickk,2020/03/17,"Youtube recommendations and trauma triggers Hey there,

I'm having a problem that follows me around every day with YouTube.
It for some reason decided to recommend me a ton of medical videos about blood poisoning, hospital emergencies and all that kind of stuff.

I never watched it and tried my best to avoid these topics because my mother died of a chain reaction that started off with a pancreas inflammation and bad doctors. Then followed a sepsis, e-coli bacteria, artificial coma, several surgeries and in the end she didn't make it. This happened last year and I was only 17 at that time. I was with her and had to say goodbye in her last hours. Since then I cant stand any beeping machines, straw noises, or anything that has to do with hospitals, organs, surgeries and so on.

I searched through the parameters and every time I saw a video like that I clicked on ""don't recommend"" for about 50 times now. It didn't help.
I'm suffering from flashbacks every time I see the thumbnails and dont feel well. Is there any solution to this? I hope that maybe some of you have a solution for this.",6.476280806572071,7.278589854368935,6.514271844660198,76.58222180731889,65.50485436893203,9.8336071695295,35.74906646751308,9.851270322608157,3.5544769230769244,874,41,157,18,13,278,129,206,0.10800000000000001,0.789,0.10300000000000001,-0.2306,1,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,1,8,11,1,1,10,0,13,5,1,3,2,28,24,14,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,16,15,0,1,3,2,0,2,6,6,1,0,6,6,17,5,27,18,5,25,0,1,4,0,8,7,0,4,16,107,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041332017169725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273113990711248,0.13772280862834707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917461338282127,0.09430848458776832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235636998209266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977378064237594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056234891477775,0.0,0.0,0.15835006548623656,0.0,0.0,0.18131647716964905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370252574245014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910441712780869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822494999707381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680766283666013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036974274382688,0.0,0.0,0.15365982749460724,0.15235609324068933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611044446111283,0.0,0.2522151332444539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755824530757715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032687078169485,0.0,0.15542485448103324,0.0,0.0,0.15585190786007036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932025055490185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176623102594356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803454251704873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906546194946478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230299116337768,0.0,0.0,0.12328214619307995,0.0,0.0,0.1747758627824803,0.0,0.12797595281797938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950303012583383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710350321690865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36084562390990005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050364917602529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910095919703133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962679913372108
ptsd,amazingD,2020/03/17,"I hold up under national/international crises pretty well, but this one is causing me to start to crack I lived through H1N1 (had it actually). I lived through Ebola. I lived through the Oroville Dam crisis (evacuated my great grandmother out of her house in the middle of the night). I handled them all pretty well.

I'm not holding up so well with Covid19, or should I say the response to it. It's starting to wear me thin. If they get serious about ""don't go anywhere"" I can't work from home, at least not yet, and I still have bills to pay whether I'm making money or not. I also have a wife and children to look out for.

This is literally my greatest fear coming true. I just hope the worst has passed already.",3.1179787234042564,4.992028262411349,3.972641843971633,87.50875,74.88652482269505,6.68581560283688,27.352836879432626,7.492282038375204,1.4069049645390064,559,22,115,7,12,179,98,141,0.11599999999999999,0.684,0.2,0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,1,9,9,0,1,6,0,9,1,1,2,2,23,19,9,0,3,9,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,6,0,2,0,0,3,3,5,3,3,1,1,3,17,6,22,17,4,17,0,0,1,0,6,9,0,4,5,82,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.16324062117843569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459704216092104,0.133773322554256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718420831632914,0.0,0.14409644159262275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823589730995827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739661287964269,0.0,0.09506877124223173,0.0,0.0,0.1844261935835073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779493604424808,0.16614624665884178,0.0,0.19301803577968749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431324797651955,0.0,0.14047261476143927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166033751857976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698044001406286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335289032991674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403666947625433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302733953308893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368025234678319,0.0,0.13358959166995654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512129680356933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178143810241615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,frssian,2020/03/18,"obsessed with purity and filth why do i vacillate between wanting to be pure and then embracing being an absolute CRACKWHORE lol?
part of me wants to be soft and angelic and another part wants chaos and bruises and to fight for my life (again)

[reposting here cus r/mentalhealth is dead]",4.6932692307692285,7.474372557692312,5.258307692307696,75.88669230769231,73.42307692307693,10.313846153846157,33.47692307692308,10.355215969177356,4.4442646153846175,231,12,38,8,5,74,42,52,0.141,0.81,0.049,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,5,1,0,0,1,11,8,7,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,7,5,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,27,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32777273070031243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207880993951996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6769984012207951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5531123699008567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820594320030109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pepaj,2020/03/18,"Nightmares and feeling constantly overwhelmed Early last year I watched my dad die of brain cancer and was there at the end and it was horrible. Since then I cannot stop having horrific nightmares I wake up crying and am scared to go to sleep. I have anxiety every day and feel generally overwhelmed constantly. I live in a big city and am finding all the noises and people too much. When I go to the countryside its a lot more manageable - not sure if that's a placebo effect.

^(I tried seeing a psychologist she wasn't for me so looking for another one.)

**What other methods can I try and is there light at the end of the tunnel?**

​

**I'm thinking of moving out of the city but don't want to uproot my family and find that nothing has changed.  what do you think?**",1.568200000000001,4.283216420000001,2.989666666666668,86.9865,88.13333333333333,5.933333333333334,23.5,7.365786028017652,1.3880000000000008,613,24,114,11,20,199,102,150,0.111,0.8390000000000001,0.05,-0.8361,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,3,10,0,13,4,3,1,2,26,23,14,1,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,3,6,13,1,15,20,4,20,0,2,3,0,3,6,0,2,11,81,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681877403713613,0.1886170673005392,0.0,0.16276841563685002,0.11874777170862676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328399970193126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420894971863995,0.0,0.0,0.3354891880664266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050891236543078,0.10010818693094613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110049690154346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749690348746184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307849375006952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633363584134193,0.0,0.1569742645122342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283748236263925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643748149228064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653023441173278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370677557512325,0.0,0.1303510818710035,0.0,0.0,0.1319679349781637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649810982830019,0.1141092651377315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894391800911372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518542644630753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076144414609108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540870662606174,0.0,0.1236953441764576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840488277465295,0.0,0.1553385034109558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977622161410338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462990456880064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989256196802659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077707357598596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155655294605218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886170673005392,0.09996071279245924
ptsd,LifeisCrumbling,2020/03/18,"I probably have misdiagnosed PTSD My psychiatrist told me that I have paranoid personality disorder, schizoaffective depression and schizotypal traits... Though I probably have PTSD instead of schizotypal traits, or maybe all of the above plus PTSD, who knows...

Because of high school bullying, an Asperger misdiagnosis (I don't have it at all), and other mistakes I made, I ended up destroying most of my adult life.

I flinch when I see people I had a conflict in the past, I freeze up or start hyperventilating when I remember a bad experience, bad memories end up popping up with a small trigger, making me feel terrible... 

I can't connect with people as much as I used to, I isolated and let many friendships fade away, some people treated me more like a child because of that misdiagnosis, so I destroyed most of my support network...

Sometimes I feel suicidal, I want to die because of all the bad memories I have... Indifference, rejection, pity, making mistake after mistake, not being able to change no matter how much I try...

I have tried to move on, but I can't, the wounds are way to deep... I've tried with therapy and pills, but it doesn't work...

It really hurts... Most people just want me to move on and keep living, but living an isolated life, being treated like a special needs person and knowing that I'll probably die alone hurts too much...",10.257549889135255,8.47505104471545,10.064338507021436,62.73834811529936,58.878048780487795,13.660901699926093,42.282335550628225,12.40481918309499,5.322777235772358,1071,49,181,29,11,353,136,246,0.21600000000000005,0.715,0.069,-0.9852,0,1,0,0,0,1,55.0,0,0,0,1,8,20,2,0,11,0,15,4,0,6,3,44,31,19,3,6,7,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,4,8,10,0,2,5,0,0,2,6,14,0,0,3,4,28,6,29,25,11,23,0,5,1,0,6,12,0,6,10,123,36,2,0.09667633181052608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012752369953383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083059612622696,0.0,0.24216209666613545,0.1767989836632798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227074023139968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326718292718943,0.0,0.20066953838992768,0.0,0.11079945189945804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125306985718225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456800324433773,0.0,0.0,0.0977649163243104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214385245675764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069880254212435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085930365722323,0.0,0.0,0.10626156731713214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885809929814036,0.13657070443314498,0.09446234482496098,0.0,0.1707339443624004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147748269503148,0.12906440437509126,0.09801462650558823,0.09712436948585293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550328194050466,0.21320468280613106,0.0716842750561527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228849786810747,0.2680927831681191,0.16882808791399925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31270031094850576,0.0,0.3390283751747145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193333369677921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951543801675201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978416090952784,0.07703851972611503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956153641680138,0.0,0.0684280052458394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574821579711853,0.1097071556722208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055781085119856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498400515129488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237837801814017,0.0,0.19691064989477866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349731052636059,0.0,0.0,0.1140444105984706,0.07673717227835294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038152096761773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MagicalCacti,2020/03/18,"The road to recovery A year and a half ago I was on my bike crossing the street on a cross walk when I was blindsided by a car that sent me flying. It was going 35 mph and I had flown in the opposite direction about 15 feet. Since then I have felt strong anxiety and panic anytime I go outside to walk or cross the street feeling exposed and I have had panic attacks anytime I go out. 

Today I decided I need to get back in shape, I fixed up my new bike and am going to be going out on bike rides. I’m going to work towards overcoming this thing that has haunted me for too long. Wish me luck!",2.922604444444445,3.8008411360000025,4.55306666666667,87.15697777777781,73.64,7.795555555555558,26.68888888888889,8.167268648758528,1.548822222222222,462,16,101,7,9,156,78,125,0.126,0.7909999999999999,0.083,-0.6588,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,2,8,0,10,1,1,0,0,14,23,8,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,3,0,14,0,3,0,1,7,2,15,2,17,15,0,35,0,0,0,0,1,13,0,2,8,66,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634314408960876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355410207132008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134824831064488,0.0,0.14429364493597513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488304187152424,0.0,0.1801763966566899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980409956930825,0.0,0.6398854613330682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606708169223858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914239028487754,0.0,0.18123652599855847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44034094367215054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522857720242425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466837632735865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787318991289575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579179531917275,0.0,0.0,0.13661368621846745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084243906943246
ptsd,laceleatherpearls,2020/03/18,"CBT and DBT reminder for corona Hey everyone, it's a great time for a reminder. 

If your therapist has cancled your appointment or you are unable to leave your house you can keep working on your skills! You can buy a physical copy or download a free CBT and DBT handbook. 

Please keep in touch with your Healthcare providers over the phone and follow their advice.",5.7971641791044775,7.616809313432835,4.782268656716422,84.64295522388062,67.80597014925374,7.748059701492537,31.310447761194034,8.238735603445708,2.305778507462686,292,12,52,4,5,86,49,67,0.017,0.838,0.14400000000000002,0.8687,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,8,1,2,0,2,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,7,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,7,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,3,1,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806980993547509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744803926554754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31669495577121715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331448787813413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5106433135221371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041570587312787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153150535750896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33352024987034184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674982169459558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20912196041250888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BadPatience,2020/03/18,"Afraid of talking or expressing emotions I always was a reserved child. I mean I never expressed my emotions to my parents, I guess I have some trauma that I eon't remember. Well, I do remember my dad hitting my mom, but that's it. Days later she said that we must stay quiet and not tell to anyone that my dad is mistreating her because he would kill her. 
When someone mistreated me I would not say it to anyone, which was slowly causing me anxiety.
But many years ago I had a anxiety attack, it was so strong that I told my mom that I was thinking I was going to die and asked her for help, she ignored me. I ran away to seek a medic but she caught my hair and threw me to the ground in the middle of the street where everyone was looking at us. Humilliating. 
A year ago something similar happened with my stepdad. I have autism and my stepdad was yelling at me because I accidentally bought a 24 dollar product on amazon from his card. I hate his voice and even more when he screams, I got mad and grabbed a dish and told him to shut the fuck up. He said ""don't you dare"" which made me more angry so I threw the dish to the ground. Then he grabbed my shoulders and threw me on the floor on the broken glass. It was very painful and to make matters worse my mom said it was my fault. I am afraid of talking in front of them since then.",3.86375606913964,4.798037236162365,4.515805010681683,88.09073606525541,71.47232472324723,7.328879394057099,28.28529811613905,7.475848149327749,1.4230841328413284,1045,38,223,11,19,334,145,271,0.22399999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.042,-0.9956,1,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,2,1,1,1,7,14,5,2,14,0,19,7,2,3,2,32,43,19,2,3,6,6,3,0,0,3,2,8,0,1,13,11,2,1,4,0,2,7,4,12,1,0,23,12,51,2,25,16,3,35,0,0,1,1,37,16,1,3,11,150,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726393877777887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925835148827052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023874207307893,0.0,0.0,0.15560171582487756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402013903834584,0.12658290099095654,0.1045395257313024,0.0,0.0,0.13565533120763631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430242369135038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175836467970884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547814980124928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25032203462156893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349116724692456,0.0,0.0,0.10632091209026942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286505683928224,0.0,0.0,0.06323591270724853,0.0,0.08899082405103713,0.0,0.12257375050797477,0.0,0.09839352681241577,0.0,0.0,0.10985366962546796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458029320483149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310105818342686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934367183749539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528404594793507,0.07427195349139196,0.11280783135437696,0.0,0.12120298092107976,0.0,0.11209035047331238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909456285893686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581639382477532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183965179219322,0.0,0.12354944641485276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25208888719869,0.0,0.3175227595879286,0.08848442154530625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204166699327644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427663386007178,0.08565919586885339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859640345737375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886528356236958,0.09725274283208522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129575311857403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264182418053884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384116238509894,0.0,0.0,0.0918073814571006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004288995658707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339113908854885,0.15808254989745846,0.0,0.0,0.14330530802945854
ptsd,Ones_Fate,2020/03/18,Pandemic? Panic buying? What comes next you might ask? Well a fucking earthquake apparently. I live in the worst state for panic buying since a certain religion here encourages prepping. Now an earthquake? My cellphone isnt even working correctly. Utah isnt having a fun time right now and neither am I. Hope everyone where I am is safe and it doesnt cause additional stress or triggers for anyone :(,3.941627543035992,7.197877028169018,4.438779342723009,77.2897496087637,81.53521126760563,7.099217527386543,30.424100156494518,8.167268648758528,3.01782503912363,323,16,49,7,9,102,57,71,0.231,0.624,0.145,-0.8532,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,6,11,1,3,5,0,8,1,0,2,2,12,12,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,5,1,0,0,0,5,6,3,11,2,9,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,3,4,34,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917185196812242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128135680887904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338499722441804,0.0,0.1960925301103325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035470697710354,0.0,0.0,0.21752069237327049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104503991246732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260988371092132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101113802861975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24149108448455225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24209874321686206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5341752365468293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440413581128854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883069542760236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26076195026687177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273927426613866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467656138901152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657253298835121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Kili12345,2020/03/18,Did MOBY Dick by Hermann Melville lift you up or drag you down ? Is it therapeutic and acceptance promoting or processing promoting ? Or does it just leave you empty ? In terms of REVENGE and ANGER emotions?,4.657499999999999,7.8610375277777775,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,76.5,9.155555555555557,34.0,9.516144504307137,4.198133333333333,165,9,26,5,4,52,29,36,0.336,0.512,0.152,-0.8666,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,3,1,18,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492886160945172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6335576744713881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5963789948238759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,loco-lady97,2020/03/18,"Has PTSD made me ""stupid""? Hi guys,

I used to be someone who was in tune and quite sharp and had amazing memory and was a good thinker. 

I have noticed since I witnessed many traumatic events that I am not myself and seem to act ""stupid"" and ditzy.  I do Biosciences in a Level 5 HND and I can do it but I just can't seem to grasp the information like I used to and people think I am stupid (and have told me to my face).  Can this happen from traumatic events?  If so, any tips or advice? 

Many thanks 

X",1.1154807692307678,3.0079472788461565,2.4217692307692325,96.22323076923077,81.01923076923076,5.6984615384615385,19.053846153846152,6.742157984588678,-0.09929307692307664,383,9,90,4,10,123,70,104,0.11699999999999999,0.7759999999999999,0.107,-0.4749,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,3,0,3,0,14,1,1,3,0,22,23,12,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,1,13,4,8,17,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,3,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025480338650983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095501437610936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385355411900208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523615779471494,0.18329377689746856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126474646361308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612987819447225,0.0,0.4202913370912385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23598547915272486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369931090822455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422949414016401,0.0,0.0,0.22046389449351264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773931779592691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146112474756708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756245644729935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908321991458036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281430485530593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980614189931662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580404020888211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kittenbutton1021,2020/03/18,"Anyone else experience this physical manifestation of PTSD? For the past three years I’ve experienced one of the scariest symptoms possible— body/ facial twitching. It happens any and everywhere, face, legs, foot, ear, you name it. They can last anywhere from minutes to hours to days. They don’t hurt, it’s more alarming than anything given the vast number of deadly diseases that are out there. I definitely see a correlation with anxiety. Although I’m not entirely sure which comes first, the anxiety or the twitching. I went to the VA and they ran all the tests on me and I’m actually a really healthy person minus my ptsd. I remember when it first started happening I would drive myself to the emergency room convinced that something was wrong. They say it’s anxiety. That my symptoms don’t match up with ALS or even MS (which is the big one I’m mainly concerned about, being a young women in my mid 20’s). These twitches gave me health anxiety which is something I had never dealt with before in my life! Now that I’m pregnant with the Coronavirus going around— life’s freakin funny, my anxiety and twitches are full force. Does anyone else experience this?",5.162018779342726,7.5094760234741855,5.589319248826296,76.06642018779345,70.45539906103286,8.67699530516432,31.551643192488264,9.2995712137729,3.1738150234741784,935,42,156,21,18,299,137,213,0.10400000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.7671,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,4,2,5,5,0,1,13,0,11,15,6,0,3,19,25,8,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,1,2,15,10,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,3,0,5,6,4,18,2,20,17,4,27,0,1,1,0,10,10,0,2,12,99,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.11626829379607392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102265824792462,0.0,0.4557278402660861,0.0,0.0,0.16661785215524696,0.24415618221662544,0.09804615002118464,0.10606427432762733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138358526022162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234319091357644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263283296224722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683864238722274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426455713353884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906065095712744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869412219622124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23309326541566824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268928370409048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771282629181592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071898875350747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664552068717824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733378537591027,0.0,0.1275471435690587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971190442180423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831121713646785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189193797120596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147141637137952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373734556287216,0.0,0.1040327831710718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27854816402634275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632731206220578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496801341356646,0.0,0.0,0.0947488540786468,0.0,0.0,0.09494310712764634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344722173985306,0.0,0.0,0.08433141570845316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229271449064336,0.24767446582851524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044857130031016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463716093202635,0.13026630973827666,0.0,0.0767254477231702
ptsd,Gadsden13,2020/03/18,"Help: I keep having flashbacks to trying to catch a bullet. After a loud bang and people running for their lives I puffed my chest up trying to protect a child and an old man. I got ready to sprint and decimate who ever was about to walk in with a gun. Once I and everyone realized it was a false alarm my body never felt so relaxed and I have no idea if I s#@t myself. 

I didn't think about it much for a while but for the past year my heart feels like it is about to skip a beat everytime a car drives by or someone speaks.

How do I relax and take my mind off this stress? It has gotten to the point that I am afraid of dying from a heart attack or something similar.",3.806950354609928,4.036904163120568,4.7469503546099325,88.93333333333334,71.19858156028369,7.685106382978723,23.46808510638298,7.3871296695380915,0.7290765957446808,521,11,117,5,9,170,99,141,0.09699999999999999,0.795,0.10800000000000001,0.1364,0,0,1,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,1,3,12,0,9,4,4,1,2,21,16,13,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,7,7,0,2,5,2,0,5,3,4,0,0,6,4,15,3,21,10,1,16,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,8,81,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000693327293424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504682081044925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915836334129002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669795062197818,0.0,0.1763913491953696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333832150111566,0.1318768850340966,0.1772430784926363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763992531443687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374991601892964,0.12373218290882655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838873104121128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407923013798395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018528366324616,0.0,0.16300346166295082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639140924922776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570080813917795,0.0,0.1423733975963387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370460254678,0.1965909004544659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762197280728702,0.127977046001176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450482623990576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640933018009615,0.14211259885984667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145644455498028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387947613833872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828297780034015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250659919568744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887509302362202
ptsd,Tattsandcats94,2020/03/18,"I've just been offered EMDR therapy to help treat my PTSD. What to expect? 11 month waiting list (probably longer because of the virus) but I'm getting some help.0

I'd already heard of EMDR from people in my widow Facebook groups, a lot of them say it saved their life. Does anyone have some insight on what I can expect from it? Is there anything I can do to prepare myself in this time to make it more effective? 
I just want control over myself again",3.1312640449438227,5.257266438202247,3.863356741573035,87.17908005617979,75.62921348314606,5.798314606741574,25.73174157303371,6.6274283507984215,1.0701561797752808,359,13,67,3,8,114,67,89,0.0,0.843,0.157,0.9242,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,3,0,15,12,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,9,2,13,10,4,7,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,3,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869322680351712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180805833616626,0.0,0.21396963089019985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850231624416794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916281695999915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275402838354499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584675062283572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34856423596183833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18365580391269284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22105487685615408,0.0,0.0,0.17356157779521245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075409497231656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18026119078866906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28033941456363604,0.0,0.3039428260517193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067738236544426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973490356512577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161644110361713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336318280809955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sashachin,2020/03/18,"i hate being quarantine yes, i hate being quarantine but i enjoy staying home. home is a complex place for me and it is fine for some certain days when someone isn't around. but when there is only my dad and sister, oh lord. they argued and shouted until like there's no tmr. i was having my online class recently and i heard them shouting. i was having a mental breakdown as it triggered me, but the camera is on. of course i dont want everyone to see me crying but i was shaking, a lot. idk how to overcome this but the anxiety made me dizzy and i couldn't focus my entire lesson. i was there shaking a little and trying to concentrate to class while people are still shouting. i just hate people shouting at each other like can't yall talk to each other nicely? why is there a need to shout",1.4423194444444434,3.8755440374999988,3.216666666666665,87.8327777777778,83.625,5.055555555555556,20.76388888888889,6.42735559955562,0.4654097222222222,626,19,118,6,18,208,96,160,0.183,0.693,0.124,-0.7925,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,1,10,12,4,2,7,1,18,0,0,3,1,26,26,17,0,3,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,5,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,6,7,21,6,14,17,4,15,1,0,1,0,8,5,0,2,9,91,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327865603513152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452106410594485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066708921330053,0.11194333682474572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034319171329238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586104946453334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5141164961830061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482254205337717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960271422466452,0.17397058030263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756965886832993,0.0,0.16424353412215362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749256207768593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870575719117966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201375696247322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24067401552233397,0.0,0.1813518820527533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138716073752794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831905263002628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707192709877212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501086525159224,0.13861947456488846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395152800195978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784794863244565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238069791457086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566269879682778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lumpy_You,2020/03/18,"PTSD from Martial Arts I'm not sure if I'm looking for suggestions, or for people who share my experience, or just sympathy or to vent but.

Without really going into it, TL;DR martial arts training was a large part of a system of abuse I suffered and is a very large trigger for me.  A few times I've tried to see if there might be any resources, or if someone else might have a similar experience because seeing some of the kids in some more intense classes.... I can tell they're suffering too. But I get frustrated and feel so alienated when I try to look this kind of thing up and all I can find is article upon article about vets with PTSD using martial arts in their recovery.  Or other people using yoga(tangentially related and also a trigger for me). 

I know I can't be that weird, or my experience can't be that unique, but this is all I can find. Even regular resources recommend yoga and martial arts as a helpful grounding hobby and i understand why but I just... can't. I can hardly manage any exercise at all due to this but to have those two specifically repeatedly suggested and praised and healing when it's the opposite for me. I don't know how to convey it. I don't really look anymore but I feel like because of this not only is it hard to integrate with ""normal"" people but also people with ""normal"" trauma like an accident, or some less weird form of abuse. I hate it. Does this make sense? If you read this thanks for reading. I'm not sure where I wanted to go with this.",5.2169768277348645,5.920377426621162,6.533425543380637,75.68775103287228,68.24914675767917,9.717909107239088,31.46200826297827,9.811843763644266,3.0456866894197963,1178,47,220,26,19,400,153,293,0.138,0.762,0.1,-0.9514,0,0,0,0,2,0,35.0,0,1,1,1,13,15,2,0,10,0,21,2,0,6,5,63,43,33,0,7,24,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,18,13,0,0,7,8,0,2,9,7,0,1,1,9,23,8,34,37,11,16,1,2,5,0,10,8,0,16,7,159,41,4,0.0,0.2472552941772707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668837624113602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191163236093834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347875708334396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721125242846498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913099731616731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716395674687867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689165943180034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061981040500443,0.0,0.0,0.10551642202479466,0.0745416075240154,0.0,0.0,0.1907325301981714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054514141163864986,0.0,0.11859938835184293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869390263201948,0.10301565572479278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993792592306672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865564355294484,0.11468674861702473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195199890457808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628618100328936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964877929852277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137974175123065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446508472749286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935643286580149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299170541023712,0.0,0.28934910716570444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439393220546009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873952600106624,0.0,0.13368770764501314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629337527627774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840823697317725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668130816994245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119909337611462,0.09606365906057007,0.0,0.0,0.06931987397450508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060842383312008565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168209494532502,0.0,0.10192651017060997,0.1086232090978994,0.0,0.1802351556504938,0.0,0.08609268705746351,0.061543335844317114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415199856186622,0.0,0.0,0.10058150830423787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,fishonthesun,2020/03/18,"Quarantined in the house trauma occurred in Without going into detail, I have no choice but to stay in the house in which traumatic things occurred. Not at the hands of the people staying here, so anyone concerned about that, don't worry. 

But still, I'm having ""minor"" flashbacks a couple times a day and intrusive thoughts and memories all the time. The nightmares are worse too. It sucks sleeping in the bed a trauma occurred in. 

My therapist is too far away to get to, as well as elderly, so I can't risk that due to the people constantly in and out of my house I may be a carrier and infect her.

Anyways, I was hoping someone who has progressed further in therapy than I to give some tips on how to cope? I could google but I figured people who have experience with my specific situation would have better tips, or things a professional or person onliene may not have considered as helpful.

Thanks so much.",6.2844816586921874,7.190728421052633,6.6891015417331205,74.79320574162679,65.95906432748538,9.493035619351408,33.674109516214784,9.573946990214177,3.2884690058479524,724,31,124,14,11,235,110,171,0.106,0.768,0.126,0.5924,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,1,1,13,0,16,3,2,1,1,25,24,16,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,2,1,11,4,28,17,3,25,0,0,0,0,6,15,1,6,6,101,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021492384033088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725597921444446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920437091913606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787094801176788,0.0,0.11664065056586745,0.16164535317795992,0.0,0.09421570015781564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429036518665807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632578139099165,0.14014244699902406,0.08302608089557854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792077305038288,0.0,0.0,0.14509992645687966,0.0,0.5057033190883746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739265827340452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038403828947306,0.1275597954533696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421082059336406,0.1461950946172442,0.0,0.12378123591994784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31142413118828605,0.11666733565469765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449966714207312,0.16706617852753414,0.16962127438076827,0.19411086496346625,0.0,0.0,0.11597881646134775,0.1703720300397021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135208647998134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082515198632886,0.0,0.0,0.14836107047179778,0.14887777346382014,0.10377785354920037,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,chiclettteeth,2020/03/18,"I can't make the anger go away and I'm not even sure I want to. This is probably a vent. I usually hate talking to other people who've been through trauma. Saw a therapist for a while who treated me for PTSD but in the end, it was me who managed to bring this to a point where it was no longer a disorder or a way of life anymore.

I've made my peace mentally in a lot of ways. Nightmares have decreased. Flashbacks have retired themselves. Most of the time it's a distant memory. I'm a fighter again like I always was but it's way too much for me now. 

I've always had an explosive temper and been a very oppositional person, it was default mode and looking back, it was probably my coping mechanism. Unhealthy, but it served it's purpose. I was always the one stepping up to people for 'disrespecting' me like I was some sort of gangster. Thought I was super big and clever because people were scared of me. 

Since the incident, my anger changed and I can never remember my rages and they're getting dangerous for the people around me. 

Over the years since it happened, I've beaten the shit out of the three people closest to me more than once and it's disgusting behaviour. When it comes to fight or flight, I'm permanently stuck in fight now. One extreme to the other.  I'm really ashamed of it. I just want people to stay the fuck away from me so I can live my life and not have to be so angry in that way all the time.

I like being alone because it doesn't harm anyone but me and I can scream for minutes straight at the top of my lungs, box, etc. I also run for miles for no reason. I can get it out of my head by myself, but around the people I love, it manifests in what can only be described as abuse. 

I'm a good person. Solid personality and sense of self. People enjoy being around me and everything is perfect, I'm a normal, functioning, healthy human being until I get angry. Then it's over in a matter of minutes. And I'm back to complete normality and it fucks people up to see and be exposed to. 

Nobody deserves to be on this roller coaster with me but one of the people closest to me will just not leave me.",3.114406987853144,4.593312580046407,4.576097311314316,84.83241947591101,74.01160092807423,7.205159000955371,26.365565715845502,7.827709963407826,1.5033457895455165,1666,59,336,23,34,556,208,431,0.179,0.669,0.151,-0.9327,0,1,0,0,4,1,42.0,0,0,0,4,17,29,13,2,29,0,32,8,3,3,4,52,59,30,0,4,13,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,5,26,21,0,0,3,1,0,5,8,18,0,4,16,4,37,11,61,35,7,52,0,0,3,3,11,27,3,6,18,240,63,2,0.0,0.0951844330053159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320335188460674,0.0,0.06424427171832585,0.20053671897558564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796712309343817,0.05617245071116752,0.0,0.0,0.21454688599633745,0.0,0.0,0.1509556967384433,0.12354608404938593,0.0,0.09794355242899908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498430873520119,0.0692019213589145,0.08423024512916692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207144493732336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115340970283388,0.0,0.08959532017270305,0.05306084123815332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220036890227848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853775370212755,0.12591595180325738,0.0,0.04565651697210525,0.06738160736877506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104041887801225,0.0,0.0,0.07931467605951556,0.0824474015796768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506369681359466,0.0,0.0,0.11348668136623945,0.11774360474401033,0.0,0.0709377198524376,0.0,0.06746158844980035,0.0,0.0,0.0682983707559646,0.07250592682917542,0.07601539417905494,0.05362457122790052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809592906438519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905583730136425,0.0,0.0619596914696956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742346972936402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555468748764053,0.1633122452376678,0.06109876913082572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5569452172461058,0.21043758430798784,0.0,0.0,0.07594301587472582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323051674482196,0.0,0.0939079024970087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146497952374593,0.08259827564926746,0.0,0.0,0.09100446300308414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042985188491424,0.0,0.06401699381556772,0.0,0.08380744883837954,0.0,0.08246323808555346,0.13290871440961075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562695587789874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757152596598303,0.0,0.0,0.06457063324516275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327570938023262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377741482019288,0.09368855421301628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847820545415558,0.06628520235116624,0.09476792069652776,0.25506632789062844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173342921869272
ptsd,floradane,2020/03/18,"Losing all my safety nets Ok, let me start off by saying that I understand the response to coronavirus and that everything that I'm about to talk about has happened for a good reason. My mental health has also been really good recently and I haven't needed to use any of the following safety nets for a few weeks. But that doesn't stop me from stressing out.

I live in the UK. My parents are a major support system for me but they live in Spain. In the past when I've been really unwell they've gotten the first flight out and been at my side within 24 hours. Obviously right now if I was to become unwell there's absolutely nothing they can do. 

When I get paranoid or hallucinate I tend to go to the drs, not to see the doc but the receptionists will let me sit in a room with some water and help me calm and ground myself. All our drs surgeries are closed unless a doctor has specifically asked you to come in. When I get unwell I am a danger to myself and others, so losing this safe space is very scary.

All my mental health appointments have been cancelled. I was due to have a CPA (annual review with all the people involved in my care) next Monday and I see my care coordinator every two weeks. None of this is happening.

I understand why all these measures are in place and I know how important they are but I'm just feeling very alone and overwhelmed right now. It doesn't help that my husband suffers from major recurrent depressive disorder and is having an episode at the moment. So neither of us are in a fit state to help each other! 

Sorry for the vent, just needed to get this off my chest!",3.595302111138075,5.403173583596214,4.6873974763406965,83.17211053142442,73.41640378548895,7.526765348216452,23.233317156030086,8.263242389622931,1.3501469060907545,1274,35,245,21,26,417,171,317,0.111,0.758,0.131,0.47700000000000004,2,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,1,3,3,14,15,1,2,20,1,29,7,1,3,6,45,55,24,0,3,10,2,1,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,12,17,1,2,5,0,0,3,6,7,0,2,7,4,34,8,42,45,12,48,0,5,2,0,15,24,0,3,18,178,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121908209177243,0.0,0.08587621493994801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730258814100013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039102763816804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859894372669963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218973525165582,0.0,0.0,0.09250317442979622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092491048528476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230731858855168,0.10991369837259267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047698835328433,0.0,0.0965112411232604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429737924508048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913421252457621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683136107267938,0.0,0.06102970366130672,0.1801398706104253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992143946280848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282917143130549,0.0,0.0,0.21593488565600302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575317178595836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059016310111240415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961807613000328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964688102021174,0.0,0.0,0.24027400684517894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164388282024508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925010381928706,0.0,0.0,0.1142057897892552,0.0,0.0,0.10303936670789393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923898587697065,0.0,0.10251169350118663,0.07444764475765621,0.0,0.1121950823140927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375879132956385,0.11041026824033877,0.10603031183835268,0.0,0.0,0.18341340870768705,0.0,0.0853973287386928,0.0,0.0,0.17114481878846885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020937259778755,0.07600807102401838,0.0,0.0,0.0897791589451963,0.12300982682317528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185989128602005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631246694930468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490011453498074,0.22358436596041492,0.12917163884172286,0.09274666835605314,0.0,0.1772087108218537,0.0,0.0,0.1722764806109353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689878929735952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RIPPTSD,2020/03/18,"Shelter in place feels a lot like PTSD Don't know if anyone else has been thinking this, but I have been reflecting on the idea that shelter in place orders remind me a lot of how PTSD feels. Only being able to leave your house if it's an emergency, feeling extremely high anxiety when trying to just go out and do 'normal' things, etc. It's not new for me, I guess, because it just feels like an extended PTSD symptom instead of new problem (I was only able to 'shelter in place' for a long time after my trauma). But I keep wondering if maybe after this experience people who have never experienced PTSD might be newly able to empathize just the tiniest bit with what it feels like.",8.873863636363636,6.952799871212124,8.633939393939396,72.34590909090909,61.65151515151516,11.224242424242425,36.39393939393939,9.725611199111238,3.3905212121212127,541,19,99,8,6,175,86,132,0.079,0.847,0.07400000000000001,-0.1822,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,7,0,11,1,0,1,1,31,22,8,0,5,9,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,10,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,6,8,3,16,16,4,20,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,8,11,69,18,0,0.3272482823449303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344801342531126,0.0,0.0,0.07627320263904372,0.1117681792250706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649583850290926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190901225862088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112464943892153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165611299711347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670387138516356,0.0,0.0,0.2757776071071667,0.15585749219634454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199424676541665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016695910017232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525192582496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586686021020527,0.0,0.12314115932319886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695776983283004,0.0,0.0,0.05994903256494456,0.0,0.0,0.11550289336049215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987698080450566,0.0,0.0,0.09653481065745732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547652476022627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958829492473264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571957098357785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413134985369587,0.21070562020123546,0.0,0.0,0.1068779451029188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659247100637942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562425152551358,0.0,0.3419048038040484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437747011940043,0.5100476397863776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133787554952608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246973922283761,0.06989582854004509,0.0,0.0,0.06360703503210123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406003419026218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829560090865228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sadlillpepe,2020/03/18,"Is this an intrusive memory or a flashback? I have sub threshold pretty sure. I don't get anytjibh that often I think. But anyway. In certain precise situations I get this weird thing. I don't know what is it.

Whenever I find myself suddently in the dark with a guy or in very closed of tight spaces where I can't get out with one, I suddently feel scared and I know. Like I know. That I'm going to get you know right then. And you react automatically kinda like its about to happen in a few secs. I brace for impact, excepting it to happen and freeze kinda mentally but I can still move normally except for maybe a second or two. I get out of the situation and I feel weird for a few minutes then it fades.",1.9572127872127891,4.122939951048952,3.9893756243756258,84.65351398601399,79.55944055944056,7.162637362637362,21.403096903096905,8.192908349453996,1.1884929070929071,555,16,113,11,14,189,84,143,0.045,0.878,0.077,0.2625,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,1,8,0,7,0,0,1,3,33,23,11,0,1,7,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,1,8,0,0,2,3,3,0,3,0,4,17,4,19,23,2,16,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,6,6,81,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701872088732483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538160427204957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396287019010343,0.0,0.09564434848317567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663575938555267,0.2976405135639532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699560176006128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443815853177265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907215776198836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959897777621094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886799929194025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648906464703069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403916557063568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121369268036812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437206386932466,0.0,0.0,0.16848987378583705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783350190717323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343983864780466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861342828283256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180587480870187,0.10783486099445053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439704780788245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885870875402492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MyThrones,2020/03/19,"Diagnosed with PTSD for years. Was recently exposed to a coworker pleasuring himself during a conference call. (Trigger Warning: sex abuse, self harm) Apologies for the long read. Bit of a backstory of myself: I (male) was sexually abused as a child for many years by a much older man. From ages 2 or 3 all the way till 11. With depression, anxiety, add and ptsd all mixed in, I am rather broken. I give others an impression that I have everything together, but years and years of medication only makes me feel more alone and different than everyone else.

Without going into too much detail for job security purposes, I will be somewhat vague.

I work in sales where we have large participates in a video call where many may be at home using PC/phones to be on the call. Most opt to turn off their cameras and mics and only listen to the host explain company changes. If one decides to have their camera turned on, they must appear in company dress code attire. We are paid for these biweekly and sometimes monthly calls. So we are on company time.

While browsing through the long list of participates and viewing who has their video feed turned on, I noticed a man making fast hand movements with only wearing underwear. Clearly I knew what he was doing. So I took a screenshot to show to HR as evidence. Many times throughout the few minutes, I saw the man's penis in full plain view.

I don't know if he was masturbating to pictures of other video call participates or not. But after finally realizing his video was on, he turned it off and a minute later he left the call.

I contacted HR and provided all the evidence I have and opted to take a week off since I am so close to losing my mind from this experience that only reminded me of my hell.

I am taking unpaid time off and will be seeking psychiatric help in this time as I feel medication is once again needed so I can function at work like nothing happened once again. I currently don't have medical insurance through work nor any paid time off which is all the more depressing.

I am awaiting for HR to contact me to look at options or any guidance at all. But I feel so defeated and once again my depression is giving me suicidal thoughts.",6.10528157072735,7.054624527710848,6.611673360107094,75.0364837126283,66.3734939759036,10.292726461401159,33.92458723784025,10.338469443840273,3.640058456046408,1749,77,313,43,27,570,231,415,0.113,0.83,0.057999999999999996,-0.9738,3,1,0,0,2,0,41.0,3,0,4,5,12,11,1,0,21,0,32,8,2,4,7,59,60,31,1,5,11,0,4,1,0,4,4,1,1,6,11,21,1,1,9,6,3,4,5,7,0,1,11,9,37,4,60,41,14,58,1,5,4,1,34,26,1,10,28,210,48,5,0.0,0.1753375222841795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663369473646447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006345853352315,0.0,0.056603897258669524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807804138971566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533263890015304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827402893617981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911883458884729,0.07510061408404306,0.0,0.07730619177288396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181106155618171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070280138491862,0.06649949677497277,0.07237865498612446,0.0,0.0,0.11223817103500497,0.0,0.0,0.08105493402267094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419602884567809,0.042051522025494656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543113529606921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959547048668322,0.0,0.0742202971242013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342592794797816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0406642260345708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039283664991234,0.0,0.0,0.03614889407996219,0.0,0.0,0.13096169171793434,0.062134885898214115,0.08277844299455313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878085266449473,0.22504969732032232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22361833521382585,0.0,0.0,0.07471111734287464,0.0,0.05905993779522679,0.0,0.10878568965432132,0.054864343480048906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099759524733121,0.08424070950857747,0.0,0.2363981133822965,0.05013908880989633,0.22509787484711488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729860485255004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401231066373161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730584572126544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719009277209718,0.0,0.0,0.061207184669722435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318026411754322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093555287196104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126598319158844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058741611097470114,0.2157274887740818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220815371957615,0.0,0.32192944464873224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390557930299329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873163360122291,0.059352149726056326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132592453622731,0.0,0.16160179919476833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905944283549594
ptsd,thanks_bruh,2020/03/19,Latuda Experience? Last week I was prescribed Latuda / lurasidone. My psychiatrist says I definitely have PTSD. What was/is your experience with it?,6.018913043478264,9.731065565217392,6.661195652173916,57.54657608695655,89.0,9.256521739130434,31.83695652173913,8.841846274778883,4.702486956521738,120,6,15,4,4,39,19,23,0.0,0.861,0.139,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7324583038743757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051810625030014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376465261796064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29773311909603284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003162667776799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,secondaccount888,2020/03/19,"Channel anxiety through my hair Hi, I just want some opinions on this, but I am so sorry if it is not the right place to post this

So when I was a teen I had longish hair for a boy and my abusive uncle shaved my head in a really humiliating way in front of his friends

Afterwards I grew it long again, until about 6 months ago I shaved it all off to gain more control back

It’s like since he did this to me, my hair became kind of a comforting thing to me but I had this habit of chopping some locks when I was sad or anxious

Then when I shaved it I thought I would stop doing this but now that it’s finally growing back I still find myself chopping some of it.. It just looks ridiculous because my hair is shorter.. I feel torn between liking having my hair and the « relief » for lack of better word when I’m cutting it

I know it is weird, I know I’m making a big deal and it’s just hair but I have such a weird relationship with it",1.734893048128345,3.307416297979799,3.1957872846108164,92.89505347593584,77.93939393939394,6.0729649435531785,23.263220439691025,6.794906146795322,0.5050650029708851,729,23,167,7,17,239,114,198,0.17,0.69,0.139,-0.5634,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,16,12,2,0,8,0,13,7,7,2,1,31,22,17,0,4,10,0,7,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,19,4,0,2,5,1,0,3,1,5,0,0,6,8,26,7,20,15,6,29,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,6,19,118,45,0,0.0,0.21711900984799454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243836636038456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018427962522698,0.2070181709037536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818129245766658,0.0,0.11170632871864557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206803525958696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552830361652344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889207240801413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926557352349406,0.0,0.0,0.20073931454071586,0.1674854252978682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157701203873505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880653971487089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082467634200145,0.2014167048294758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905151133642078,0.0,0.0,0.1621687843160643,0.15388223498873538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231951634228658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462668691644994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145524123061256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755010061886718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173934123809823,0.0,0.0,0.19673985923667625,0.0,0.15649285906646349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158470540646574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051312228147379,0.0,0.0,0.1463421533963538,0.15320360018288445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174188180853815,0.0,0.0,0.14547850650801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080844653759415,0.14545379640514405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017417838520695,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,traumahealingwitch,2020/03/19,"Has anyone else been feeling their symptoms LESS in light of the COVID-19 pandemic? (trigger warning: shock/vehicular trauma)

My family and I were involved in a high-speed car crash a long time ago. I was injured and was able to be airlifted right away, but my family was stuck in the car and had to get cut out. I think one of the big contributing factors to my PTSD wasn't just the impact itself, but knowing my family could be GONE and I couldn't even be there to help, to comfort, to witness.

We all survived, but my family members had to get a bunch of orthopedic surgeries. I was the most able-bodied one, so for about 2 months, I was the one helping to take care of them, arranging appointments, meeting with lawyers, etc. Of course it was chaotic, painful, I cried a lot.. hysterically.

But other times, I was calm, present, clear-headed. I felt no buffer between my intellectual mind and my emotional/deeper self (selves?), and didn't feel like I was interacting with the world through a fiberglass pane. I felt.. good. (you know, other than when the PTSD flashbacks hit but that wasn't every moment of every day)

That crash was years ago and since then, I've dropped deeper and deeper behind that fiberglass pane when life got back to ""normal"" (rat race). But now that the streets are empty, I very much feel that clarity again. It's almost like relief. I've even been sleeping better. I track my Heart Rate Variability, and it's the BEST I've ever seen ever since I started tracking a few months ago.

I wanted to add though-- I am not in one of the high-risk groups myself, and am fairly sure I'm not in danger of losing my income in the near future. I know I am fortunate.. and even more fortunate in feeling a reprieve from my symptoms.

Can anyone else related?

For those who are having some trouble-- be safe, I love you and I care about you. We will get through this together. PMs are open if anyone needs to chat <3",3.8105527462946815,5.779976362162168,4.372946817785529,84.96913251961641,73.21621621621622,7.044463818657367,26.259808195292074,7.831003766801068,1.5225858761987792,1514,53,289,21,31,480,204,370,0.09699999999999999,0.7170000000000001,0.187,0.9921,1,0,0,0,0,0,73.0,2,3,2,4,16,19,2,0,19,0,33,10,2,1,4,55,59,24,0,6,10,0,6,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,14,19,0,1,10,1,0,3,7,6,0,4,23,8,38,13,41,28,11,41,0,1,1,1,17,15,0,5,24,197,52,1,0.09087030776958704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416531351113251,0.0,0.09099348704247964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061589609716773,0.18621473773219094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537564541714059,0.0698736575854606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536278175171127,0.08036740272496637,0.0,0.10093642668751887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852966699192731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255254656977536,0.0,0.0998167661439626,0.05860383099838616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182096383655114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134441364413738,0.18005694379058587,0.16439479160178436,0.1531243070002287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34265775565951856,0.0,0.18378703182221334,0.06491776602733901,0.1744994916520105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242795582790305,0.0,0.0,0.07621770284457899,0.07267728628393345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325915185602253,0.0,0.0,0.10768175223043402,0.12181690366814993,0.1920189385693314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498198340589368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418438573192724,0.08878928467935994,0.0,0.0,0.08041736285426086,0.0,0.10166063066963447,0.0,0.07725468611274575,0.08201400057573814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175310663441047,0.0,0.14506362541675755,0.0,0.06680013188226516,0.06737918179765988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903360802101748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24630428914688676,0.0,0.09669241429990827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244505397748936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760274632830104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479754908141172,0.0,0.0,0.15033771522970546,0.0,0.09093593321910193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431847154622099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564418966691671,0.18889808678404604,0.0683231624933929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058226024036540626,0.08927961600986646,0.0,0.10597441444020744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497752061841056,0.05359766189099362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851749890354481
ptsd,IMSTILLONABOAT,2020/03/19,"Had to shut the movie ‘Dr. sleep’ off. Couldn’t take it anymore.. Spoilers for anyone who actually still wants to see this.

Was watching Dr sleep when a 10 year old gets kidnapped and brutally tortured to death. Even though I knew it was fake, the look of screams, bloody clothes and look of terror on this boys face brought back bad memories as someone who has worked in EMS for a few years. 

Now I like Stephen king books/movies but I’ve never been able to watch scenes like these that involve children/animals. I had to turn the tv off, I haven’t been able to quite settle down and my girlfriend is trying to comfort me.",4.4436271808999095,5.90664370247934,3.793829201101929,91.8087235996327,70.65289256198345,6.700091827364558,28.320477502295685,6.937597516519254,1.1854730945821856,492,18,102,4,9,145,92,121,0.139,0.795,0.066,-0.7227,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,2,1,5,0,10,5,3,0,1,8,19,7,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,8,6,6,3,17,10,1,15,0,0,5,0,5,6,0,0,10,58,14,1,0.38681861399491707,0.0,0.1887395840015708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918100619103668,0.1352362844430011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487198186370032,0.16148869263072752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127745023185204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104838023140973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898003583501133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248302129983481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916918086200734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295053274648364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057146052139716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412217688958324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870979697718173,0.0,0.16387507818202254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544569224051572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541972877684606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900236621323149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313122237309301,0.2103737871326268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407782032945435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080427898787864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490985050662952
ptsd,Unsignedusername,2020/03/19,"Freezing up? This sounds really silly, iv'e been though worse but a small fragment of my past was from people bullying my spelling. And it happened again recently and instead of being a adult and handling it properly my entire body just froze it felt like i was stuck in sinking sand accept my brain wanted to do something say something, and it's not i didn't want to it's i couldn't. I felt teary eyed, and scared and i know that is really stupid, i'm not a kid anyone i should be able to get over it. And then when you tell people, they don't do anything because you should and i don't want to disclose anything so i get mad, or run away from the entire situation. I'm still to scared to talk about 99% of what happened to me, iv'e told like 10% and people think it's over. I know, i know that's not what i should do. But i hate how i feel forced into sharing even with therapy i don't like it cause they want to open boxes and those boxes make me personally feel better when there closed. I'll share when i'm ready leave my boxes alone. Some boxs i don't mind cause there not to bad others deserve to be in a closet somewhere in my head. But the point of this wasn't supposed to be a rant it was supposed to be a question ""Does anyone else feel like they freeze up when the past comes knocking? """,1.2680695698353688,3.458541286245353,2.4571574614976117,94.5573559479554,82.23420074349444,5.032448220924056,19.64431757833245,6.1826913282559595,-0.09006117896972965,1022,27,222,8,28,326,136,269,0.155,0.7070000000000001,0.138,-0.8707,0,1,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,3,1,15,15,3,2,9,0,23,4,4,4,0,49,48,22,0,8,9,0,9,4,0,3,0,2,1,3,17,15,0,0,11,0,0,2,11,6,0,0,10,12,28,9,29,29,1,25,0,0,1,0,15,13,0,3,14,140,45,0,0.11489135637358028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899279578287347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066941546700106,0.1177197718370794,0.18909159383492324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079442113051589,0.0,0.0959294835567778,0.07003670446231887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161206816538904,0.0,0.1276183965287806,0.0,0.12825675056577593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360501425526643,0.0,0.09896873033990393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054220020170797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597698571327792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588465731856124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742775656444584,0.08207840794966423,0.22062743897858428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005198347866985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031960940132516,0.0,0.0,0.11343142838793227,0.1179116777964096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942385438312465,0.0,0.0,0.12165335739735955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245204533502368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669087252536808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600751809322365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935359977306607,0.23895360101571175,0.10031870081920867,0.0,0.0,0.10860946794126236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870461326054244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472046897084646,0.0,0.11344135382240166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136621798965472,0.2300525813782507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914269832303402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689795844039952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175238561115644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923453202458538,0.10042010951202827,0.0,0.13138827889418256,0.0,0.0,0.07361774205454794,0.11288017430176453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978361457586733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710635948861515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708410758785337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tommo1299,2020/03/19,"First time poster Hi all. First time poster, recently been diagnosed with co morbid anxiety and depression with PTSD. Found my friend dead in the boot of his car. Nightmares and sleeplessness are common. Couple months later, long term girlfriend cheats on me 4 times, so of course I'm feeling fantastic 🤙how does one even cope man cos I'm lost (20M)",2.10923076923077,4.975895692307695,2.1942307692307708,90.90826923076924,92.07692307692308,6.292307692307693,20.346153846153847,7.554174236665415,1.1778,280,9,52,6,10,84,57,65,0.22699999999999998,0.665,0.10800000000000001,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,8,7,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,3,1,3,1,6,4,2,14,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,11,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792934151600047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593274032282393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186367095589788,0.2378819521597394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509991794337998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480004374256798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850517938848938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39871224314958587,0.0,0.25697605073872803,0.18107469728015024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074112393351488,0.0,0.0,0.2558439772350993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707294831756155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588160692302901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739675262414985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314133996837407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099913971941849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mandaylion,2020/03/19,"For the Doctors and Nurses that will eventually find your way to this sub after their brave encounters with COVID-19 (coronavirus). You are not alone. 

It’s not your fault. 

You did every single thing you could. 

You deserve to survive. 

You are so loved.

You are capable. 

You are not alone. 

Please reach out if you need support. Please take care of yourselves and show compassion for yourselves and one another. 

One love 💗",2.954290909090912,6.044664720000004,2.4877575757575765,89.37054545454548,88.46666666666668,5.927272727272728,24.15151515151515,7.348242739294969,1.4887333333333332,334,13,59,6,11,98,54,75,0.053,0.633,0.315,0.9772,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,10,1,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,0,12,13,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,11,5,8,10,1,3,0,0,0,2,13,1,0,1,1,42,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4314552549843999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21841225555382224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123675100491999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630416153149888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21319562194594635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175494939114745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037505541029565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759832078802311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444583082637556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822880121016246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572839923048666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363672198975578,0.0,0.0,0.15660961315419256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383799065132691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533244311270598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Happy-Mood,2020/03/19,Someone I’ve been talking to has PTSD I think. We’ve been talking for a couple of months. And he decided to come see me. And weird things happened. First of all he did 2 deployments in the Army. Second he’s the most loving person I’ve ever met. Well the first time it happened he was looking for his phone and said it probably fell under the cushion and he got mad that I knew where it was he thought I had put it there. So he gave me a valuable watch to see what I would do I just put it on the table. And eventually the moment had passed but I was scared because I had never experienced that before. And he said I love you even though I steal and I just brushed it off and said I love you too. And once we were laying in bed and he said I wanna leave but he dropped it so the next day my brother wants to come over so I asked him to leave and he was so upset! We decided he would leave the next day and also one day he mentions this and calls it his paranoia and said he’s not crazy he has a D.O.D card and it’s like 2 different men I notice when it’s about to happen to his lip will raise. Once I said my stomach hurts and he yelled just go poop or throw up. And I didn’t feel like arguing with him so I just didn’t say anything and he seemed to calm down after a while. I know lack of sleep can cause paranoia. And he told me he doesn’t sleep well but what can I do during these times? Leaving him is not an option. I told him I will be here through the good and the bad. And he told me he sees a therapist once a month and I don’t think he remembers the things he says during those moments.,0.4682236024844713,2.3820945304347845,2.07225672877847,97.76217391304351,83.40579710144928,5.102277432712215,18.84265010351967,6.1826913282559595,-0.32511759834368537,1243,31,298,10,35,404,168,345,0.11599999999999999,0.7829999999999999,0.102,-0.4387,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,2,0,2,21,18,2,2,18,0,27,8,5,1,3,58,61,35,0,5,10,1,1,2,0,4,0,9,1,2,19,27,0,0,10,0,0,8,7,8,2,4,27,17,39,10,26,29,3,36,0,1,5,3,60,9,0,4,20,186,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385568778380465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570940843943393,0.0,0.07464858717446919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667107181844575,0.04867556855313238,0.0,0.06794611936805944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153535848327757,0.0,0.0,0.08202752388200006,0.0,0.1375667017818721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835205189309023,0.0,0.15448913808842124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342582579049221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273990071060361,0.07222852507567491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04037435160570658,0.05704456261267048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358400398825518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04538036178305835,0.06697404713958419,0.0638630110314774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21183218456242767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548063692711565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388324607984688,0.0,0.0,0.33819674316056936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802095203172822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705354445198201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162021158732436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747036087813451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061584925906182385,0.0,0.1698418883735194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090928675644767,0.0,0.25511162006495464,0.05410814829214789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972158151036015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609136266953042,0.0,0.09333989695723212,0.16054178387672774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045401902812908,0.0,0.4557314692732684,0.12699919681653815,0.07994336884973521,0.0,0.19088935374040086,0.07269206723694747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598145116107075,0.0,0.06765629796576933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836015060092948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927115276847012,0.10609703822035499,0.10232878538797884,0.07845181615407422,0.06339165468747505,0.09312187540972444,0.0,0.0,0.2288991136143485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709735665188992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358874081791226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344571460755913,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,slant__i,2020/03/19,"Nightmares How do you deal with them?  It’s more often than not that I wake up drenched in sweat and panicked.  Even though it’s not real it still puts me in a horrible mood and leaves me feeling exhausted, especially if I’m having to get up and get ready for work.  It just feels like there is no break or escape from the stress.",5.152313432835822,5.162364492537313,5.208171641791047,87.55613805970152,68.25373134328359,8.491044776119404,27.19776119402985,8.07648339933343,1.3651522388059707,259,7,57,3,4,81,55,67,0.18600000000000005,0.705,0.109,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,7,4,0,1,2,0,3,3,2,1,0,14,8,7,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,9,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,2,40,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075742677897175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705000534413356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016981864765196,0.2131333433743172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117394849229879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158977792394673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575329880849971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999129591128109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395749408409312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382538014122796,0.0,0.34174615964273425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931164181981332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719424549959265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NovaLaurant,2020/03/19,"Advice for coping with a house full of screams Hi, Lurker of the sub here (24/F, Chilean) 

I... Didn't know where to go to get help. I doubt I could get a therapist for this in particular given the hysteria and fear in the streets. Sorry if grammar is not adequate. 

I'm really sensitive to screams. I have ptsd and right know I'm trapped with my mother, my grandmother, a cousin and my uncle in this house. The issue here is the latter: everything that displeases him (that is everything woman-related or every little thing) sends him into a flying rage that has him screaming at the top of his lungs, berating the TV, my grandma (who is the same as him and NOT an innocent, sweet old lady) or whatever is the object of his wrath. He throws things, says everything in the spectrum of my triggers and if you try to tell him to stop he berates even harder, accusing you of being ""weak, soft, and someone who will die in a merciless world like a worm"". 

At this point I have no doubt he's schizo-typical in terms of personality, as he has all the traits and has to convince everyone about conspiracies, aliens and the New World Order, everyone has to conduct themselves according to his believes in order to not get your face screamed off. He normalises violence, and though he never has lifted a hand against us, it's threatening nonetheless. 

I can't deal with that level of screaming every hour, I'm not exaggerating. He in the past has humiliated me, has attacked me emotionally, shamed me for using medication, for defending my mother, me and afterwards said ""he did it because he loved me"" (I have ptsd because of my dad and just the same trigger phrase). 

I just want to cry, I don't have a place to run given that where I live the pandemia is being controlled with military force. I'm also part of the target group because of asthma and other lung related issues. How do you deal with this? How have you dealt with the situation? He screams so loud that I can hear him perfectly on my room... Please help...

I have posted this in other sub, sorry for doing it, I just need urgent advice and honestly I'm such a trainwreck right now that I don't know if I'm doing things right without feeling a lot of anxiety.",6.345448113207548,6.542637478773584,7.026758490566039,74.89182641509436,65.72169811320754,10.46324528301887,32.9977358490566,10.264317810270406,3.3295799245283018,1737,68,323,39,25,575,213,424,0.17,0.769,0.06,-0.9921,0,1,0,0,0,0,65.0,1,5,0,3,16,19,2,4,28,0,32,8,4,6,3,55,54,25,1,6,13,4,3,1,0,1,3,10,1,1,22,20,0,2,4,1,0,4,11,13,0,0,5,14,42,6,53,45,7,45,0,0,0,1,44,29,0,8,10,222,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262284815638195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881817769778819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539792102599382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121259174725377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024328348404509,0.0,0.0,0.1110430609060832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054311400760264,0.07869192175666093,0.0,0.1082632315855312,0.0,0.2032215006197418,0.0,0.0,0.10228943556461284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108664265702877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509776983447263,0.0,0.1660816408961816,0.18835608476835555,0.2657373811132654,0.0,0.0,0.1109070935818427,0.04983475912225085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448016762845942,0.0,0.056013763897069344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108397490260563,0.0,0.1321250142870407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970614772875018,0.22744938306800594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574149575396566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249754442490116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815130393871521,0.09878273855275817,0.08703004422432332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837919549670524,0.08895400122240966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928855547035027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308078837660159,0.07601533711472602,0.0951895980476814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342185346320734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673057925728983,0.09408641123887217,0.0,0.08605855158055532,0.10297393685590266,0.10818898280008596,0.0931707988902714,0.0,0.09439297359141743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304220920641072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313988458146916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25250840380753764,0.09375286988077497,0.07837865043480917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078526211093914,0.0,0.0,0.08350933645088661,0.0,0.0,0.2206590892944585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240034459190773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614554518344758,0.0,0.0,0.11443543899216305,0.19643610855715812,0.0,0.09683443090114677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691558468384189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855521567713374,0.08512395885725851,0.0,0.0,0.05813308030214736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500805926335376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,girl_mimi,2020/03/19,"I don't remember the age I was assaulted and its leading me to feel very distressed I knew the age and year and date and everything about when I was assaulted but after reading old therapy books I had, I had a different age and year written down that doesn't seem right...and I can't seem to remember the events after my assault, like my hospitalization and how old I was when I first saw my psychiatrist. Knowing these would answer the questions I have and I can't find any answers.

It has kept me up all night (its 5am) and its having me re-live the events I do remember, but now I'm questioning if it is even all true..

I have been diagnosed with PTSD and I do get flashbacks often and dissociate often, I don't know what's happening.. I'm 24 years old and I am not managing well.

Have any of you experienced something similar? Could this happen as a result of trauma?? I'm just so desperate to know what's going on",2.766693548387096,4.604439795698927,4.613642473118283,82.69046370967746,75.7741935483871,8.520967741935483,26.678763440860216,9.188382445141503,2.2918182795698936,726,28,148,18,16,247,107,186,0.13699999999999998,0.8440000000000001,0.019,-0.9609,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,2,11,8,3,1,7,0,22,1,0,3,3,43,39,19,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,12,0,1,15,2,0,2,6,5,1,1,10,3,23,3,13,27,2,24,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,7,20,103,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216095917467434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693630097411913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594133518396806,0.0,0.13993370168495928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846288859598038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037225648428553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772162480602599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241428017099905,0.11392515110089765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997557619333401,0.0,0.07611841954137097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368767819873372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208217302394912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543393801220627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568904422182528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216271582529999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656299679812968,0.0,0.3000759907726753,0.0,0.13397137233017758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551671713747804,0.11437986714636575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24385901979905344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310980469132154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316649095272006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051050707686276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042376465887256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514367184807906,0.0,0.0,0.2587494927824777
ptsd,TeenageYearsThrowout,2020/03/19,"Starting therapy/TFCBT So my therapist and I have been trying to start TFCBT for a while but we haven’t really been able to cause yk, life, but anyways we were talking today, and I brought up not wanting to eat, and she basically said, make sure you have something to eat before a trauma therapy session so you don’t pass out. What the- what the FUCK y’all. I mean I know it will be bad, just thinking about talking about it makes me want to puke and sh. Idk I’m scared. Does anyone have any advice or anything? idk sorry lol",0.2337264150943384,2.64242225471698,1.7994103773584909,93.96156839622644,95.32075471698113,4.536792452830189,19.83254716981132,6.322622252153567,0.2362849056603777,413,14,85,5,16,133,77,106,0.22899999999999998,0.703,0.068,-0.9652,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,2,3,0,0,6,5,1,1,4,1,10,4,0,3,1,21,23,10,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,7,2,0,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,5,1,12,1,10,16,0,8,0,0,0,1,9,2,1,1,4,53,16,1,0.17932908171393386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752383031740597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194992502171532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539106354321625,0.0,0.14757255442254744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497322926503874,0.0,0.0,0.15259584032758394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422036538923905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693208788521956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36699684029536733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657868463742069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855457344933044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266654338055593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394071091143833,0.0,0.0,0.1953419421082312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488280172952098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705830226564541,0.0,0.17953969500689307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380562883296297,0.0,0.20074422509058454,0.25386009407768106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901553724287505,0.0,0.0,0.2882758460335522,0.0,0.0,0.20507843362432526,0.2082148856576428,0.0,0.11490683457133538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998300106565914,0.0,0.0,0.12175267501367842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115458773023472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SeriousPaper,2020/03/19,"Therapy Online Now?? So I just got a call from my therapists office saying they’re moving all appointments over video chat and... I just don’t know what to think of that. I mean- I trust her and I’ve been working with her for over a year now but, I just don’t like the idea of having her behind a computer screen? Does that make sense?
Everything in me is just telling me to run and to just cancel appointments until we can meet in person again but ik I can’t let fear drive my life by avoiding things (something we’ve been working on)
And plus we’ve been doing EMDR with and without touchpoints and like- how the hell is that gonna work over the computer?
Idk.
Anyone here able to relate? Any advice or what to expect?",1.8535402298850592,4.171238537931039,2.8282758620689665,92.00264367816094,80.86206896551724,5.797701149425287,19.321839080459768,7.0316486544052195,0.2891287356321839,568,14,117,7,15,180,95,145,0.128,0.8140000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.9044,0,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,3,11,6,1,2,6,0,12,1,0,2,1,28,18,13,0,1,9,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,10,0,1,4,2,0,3,4,3,0,0,4,2,14,3,22,12,1,14,1,0,1,0,10,6,1,1,7,81,20,5,0.1937496668719112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932993209285448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175641743207578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547427198097964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978400723876208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955163913557406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412970753383458,0.0,0.0,0.21802224084464544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495930796637405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871979060788185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647974992127232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981221613180772,0.13685111957000767,0.18931260111984385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932940712782046,0.0,0.0,0.21105018688466975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592523356746786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917473583952009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540775116387494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915795931028816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693457487083022,0.0,0.2215696295189308,0.2249582964925584,0.1287186694955918,0.12414696326285933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676776489153668,0.0,0.42315619509044017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476843313315833
ptsd,nebulagroot,2020/03/19,"I don't feel PTSD symptoms, does it go away? I don't feel hyperventilate or paranoid. I do still have nightmares, but I don't really think about them all day. I don't feel flashbacks anymore. Also I used to get a burning sensation around my upper body whenever I was remembering things.

I'm not experiencing those symptoms anymore. I don't shut down whenever I feel guilty/ashamed. I am not feeling scared anymore, but I feel a lot of self hatred. 

Anyone else experience this?",3.5090000000000003,6.131837233333332,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,76.66666666666666,7.555555555555558,30.0,8.515128840125781,2.640333333333334,381,18,68,8,9,126,59,90,0.11800000000000001,0.843,0.04,-0.7274,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,9,3,1,1,1,17,20,4,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,1,7,13,0,6,19,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,2,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804504168781228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763773865025642,0.11195712241168287,0.16405819200289742,0.0,0.1425375587405871,0.0,0.0,0.15043464549363886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785324482107004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326184355897562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011895646479694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375672161342633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662458081121686,0.0,0.0,0.485758031639173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365421988385385,0.0,0.0909978502775355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612525283188062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716752433220413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257467743541536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813806888510952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603044670301818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703634414768248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786917830720496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328445317273049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637423347371963,0.10259613548622763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828917616316766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cntthinkofgoodusernm,2020/03/19,How do I release stress slowly and not one big panic attack? Any way that works for yall? I'm kinda sick of this lifestyle where I feel a building pressure slowly of stress untill I have an attack where i feel better immediately after :/ I'm a real aggressive person so I was thinking martial arts maybe?,2.885480225988701,5.4073335084745775,4.645000000000003,79.27450564971755,78.32203389830508,5.289265536723164,23.39265536723164,6.42735559955562,0.9667604519774012,243,8,40,2,6,82,45,59,0.321,0.596,0.083,-0.9318,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,4,8,3,4,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,8,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,0,1,1,2,6,1,5,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533139407689814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5197146301281689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020162761115913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23098899869506515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22947557978779826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478127199794828,0.0,0.0,0.2679981365927201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944491564587952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599885550617565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233018079802262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636039177351504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130678420945795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662902978509804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,owllamp,2020/03/19,Anxiety about apartment fire The worst case scenario happened and my apartment building caught on fire. I was able to save my cats and not much else. I’m scared to leave my home in case another fire happens.,3.6134615384615394,6.342426692307698,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,76.94871794871796,5.951282051282053,30.262820512820515,7.1686216300943375,1.8087897435897444,167,8,31,2,4,49,30,39,0.34700000000000003,0.588,0.065,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,3,4,1,5,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,16,4,0,0.31341007953315736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286377951187545,0.23975785300175415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618139055469293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5542949965569769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31437586366767856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318560213825591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303924698828085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137781644431241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,optima45,2020/03/19,"I just got attacked by 4 dogs the other week,I’m a homecare support worker.Just had a falling out with all my friends I’m going through a really tough time just trying to cope with the nightmares.Injures are healing but I’m not mentally.My friend recently just had her friend she knew for 6 months drown in a freak accident.And came over here looking for support.She bought all her other friends and they were all drinking and smoking bongs in my house for 2 days.I felt like I was getting taken advantage of and what I was going through didn’t matter anymore .I couldn’t cope with her grief and asked them all to leave .They hate me now.but I’m so anxious and on edge I couldn’t deal with anything.No one understands,I love her so much and I hate myself for it .But I wanted to drive off a cliff to get some peace from it all.:( My psychologist said I did the right thing for myself.But I feel physically sick from doing it :( Has anyone else pushed people away with PTSD to cope ?",2.2393654822335023,4.595427390862948,2.8667284263959414,92.05349365482238,79.65989847715737,5.564365482233503,23.555583756345182,6.742157984588678,0.6794834517766501,784,27,160,8,20,244,123,197,0.22,0.662,0.11699999999999999,-0.9732,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,3,1,7,14,3,0,8,0,12,4,0,0,5,32,34,10,2,3,6,0,2,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,7,13,1,0,3,1,1,6,4,6,0,1,14,4,22,8,28,18,7,17,0,1,1,1,16,8,0,1,4,100,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544306376119974,0.14523575494495308,0.10239892355703434,0.1500519297024815,0.0,0.0,0.13690787674561994,0.16660423997880175,0.13759147638315167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749598782759356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098009640097795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346199335105286,0.0,0.0,0.12233740932862268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740478415271187,0.0,0.1406117784949081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452577366085112,0.0,0.1530246916424177,0.0,0.16645804596798852,0.0,0.11712678797880878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891715546658395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897980615843622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506588865567025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154645043294974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297832747635228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217384616150646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689234261751745,0.0,0.1076551600091896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923606028874296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152768840278097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118833177917372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938174930485753,0.0,0.1445984288235914,0.0,0.0,0.1250646643609966,0.13930432842294133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323719134851865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972926667573664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539423667267945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994276825580414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637804603684117,0.0,0.1174706929919097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,KillerPotatoMan,2020/03/19,"I made a promise to my online friend and broke it tonight (POSSIBLY TRIGGERING) About 3 years ago, i made a promise to my online bestie (we'll call him Ghoul because he likes anime too) that i wouldn't cut myself again and i kept it until tonight. I got into a fight with my mom and she told me that i was a mistake, i keep a razor taped under my desk and i grabbed it, ran into the bathroom, and cut my thighs. He texted me to make sure i was okay because i hadn't talked to Ghoul for about a month, i was trying to smile through tears but he knew something wasn't right. He wasn't mad because he knew what had been going on with me and my mom's relationship, we talked until about 10 minutes ago. It still hurts but it helps to know that my heart doesn't hurt as bad because of Ghoul. (Sorry this is really boring, i needed to just say this)",3.4855492424242414,4.131097971590911,4.209545454545456,91.00515151515154,72.125,6.775757575757575,24.32575757575757,6.42735559955562,0.538630303030303,657,17,147,4,12,210,100,176,0.08199999999999999,0.75,0.16699999999999998,0.8969,0,0,1,0,1,1,18.0,2,0,0,0,7,16,4,0,7,1,12,2,2,4,1,27,25,11,0,3,3,2,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,11,11,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,10,0,0,16,2,27,6,22,7,0,17,0,3,0,0,20,5,0,0,11,90,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710008930697038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763103645261936,0.3727261671313349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608632090233554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809862891478347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687339877689093,0.0,0.12225545602639358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113887292408595,0.1024582911054924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32727784300054924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586826911661473,0.0,0.0,0.08400741172015509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467927769292693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28927811798408826,0.10203469448550856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580536653779593,0.12201074493124145,0.0,0.0,0.11334315050201894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232576615182596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792550955962136,0.0,0.0,0.16411356119298534,0.0,0.13054091073519247,0.0,0.1215597610496224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767847039819375,0.0,0.1711133454024684,0.0,0.0,0.12207354442413143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406797500437935,0.0,0.0,0.2457248490773229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606350408985236,0.0,0.10378135422769473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843630492789036
ptsd,Raccoon392,2020/03/19,"I need advince (TRIGGER WARNING) First off I'm not self-diagnosing I'm just trying to figure things out as much as I can without a therapist because if I go to one I could make everything worse, I think.

In 2018 the day before new year's eve my dad got drunk and sat on the sofa holding a fish knife threatening to either kill my mum or himself by saying 'you made me do this' I (14 at the time) was the only child to walk in on my mum yelling at him saying she was going to call the police, a few days later he sent us all messages making it sound like he was going to kill himself (he wouldn't.)  which he had done a few months ago, then I had responded with sympathy but after seeing what I saw his shitty messages that showed how bad our relationship was anyway I didn't give him anything he wanted and ignorenored me for 6 months straight, I let him back in because my mum had told me that he was really worried about getting me something for my birthday and I honestly thought he had changed, then I went on a trip to Belgium and they split again after a huge argument and everything went to shit again. Then we got our shit together and things got better and it was getting to Christmas and I had been exited but as it got closer all I could think about was what he did, it made my anxiety worse but it threw me into a spiral of hating myself and my family and everything around me and just wanting to lie in bed all day and think about killing myself. (Probably important to say I link what he did to Christmas more than new years) I didn't want to do anything and I just felt shitty and tired and my family didn't help because they said I was being 'grumpy'.

Then recently my mum got a boyfriend and decided to tell my dad about it after telling me that if he found out it could mean that we'd be in danger and then all I could think about was him sending me messages like he was going to kill himself again and it just destroyed me and then I started spiralling again and now I can't look in the mirror without crying. 

I also nearly cried talking about a poem that was related to someone having a relationship with someone else because my dad was a controlling asshole but now I see him a few times a week and it's like he a different person to who did those shitty things.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this and douse this sound like minor PTSD or something? Any advice is welcome and if this is nothing like what PTSD is then ill leave because I honestly have no idea what it's like to have ptsd.",6.203698475437605,5.779232478260872,6.545999435347262,80.31819169960475,66.11462450592884,9.362958780350086,32.103049124788264,8.738905477910976,2.4398234895539237,1998,71,396,27,28,647,231,506,0.17600000000000002,0.735,0.08900000000000001,-0.9949,2,0,2,0,1,1,24.0,5,1,2,3,21,21,9,0,20,0,45,5,2,7,4,80,88,44,4,12,17,7,1,7,0,1,2,7,2,2,30,30,1,2,12,2,0,11,9,10,0,2,43,13,64,11,56,36,10,67,0,0,4,0,60,21,2,5,42,281,94,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656499936596592,0.059553261900211325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372584732964608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568642619484487,0.0,0.05139445382189965,0.0,0.0,0.04697558911200775,0.0688364442741588,0.16585650089108048,0.05980669785174625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165922091011525,0.056094608798969936,0.20476924261025448,0.0,0.057167387315122074,0.0,0.0,0.05941749086575841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860087760187822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107021177765961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535092335283441,0.214559143480094,0.0,0.14759371559897386,0.12998152764603413,0.0,0.0,0.06818885676546754,0.0,0.07019144786200876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875105648752868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122447712147673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113798598862954,0.0,0.12666742595039635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450576726235219,0.0,0.0,0.0571454282090905,0.0,0.07366217973615707,0.0,0.0,0.07020020122166691,0.06444760734666656,0.15272552679569187,0.0,0.2686600442160507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632884244772806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045031035690971416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584090221723243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29731007516581504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113660200460875,0.0,0.06869869169968734,0.0,0.2297539445580428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564164073267175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713947417048246,0.0896897248532773,0.0,0.0,0.07318147361957134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724891368769313,0.0,0.04938689184132282,0.049814996917413534,0.0,0.129770617932559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446345229075226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552462302615859,0.051095343671172314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058661196422930426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243413339848917,0.0,0.2355983575339869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04303885091637534,0.0,0.0663346463293198,0.14425779605956332,0.0,0.0,0.06390597348296771,0.1602787401395005,0.0,0.0,0.10707156122238363,0.0,0.07008603383534842,0.0,0.1379238092733773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138470843100014,0.10344079221668608,0.0,0.0,0.04755214261030143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053998775158013185,0.11744098998078993,0.0,0.0,0.07800409885100032,0.1338992690092075,0.1721914176164279,0.0,0.05333542680244552,0.07834935046431482,0.07721643867893133,0.0,0.0641957892802089,0.0,0.04561252989738912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081231517462109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887799572418445,0.0,0.0538897755464899,0.0,0.0,0.12455776223972348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952312870365054,0.0,0.0,0.06822712333090727,0.136929481285696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652669711094875
ptsd,Pony13,2020/03/19,"Is this realistic for a character with PTSD/PTSS? I'm writing a thriller where the (sympathetic) antagonist has PTSD/PTSS. I want it to be realistic and avoid the ""antagonist is violent/criminal because of mental illness"" cliche. Here's a breakdown of the characters' dynamic:

The protagonist secretly has ""headmates"". Because this psychological trait is superficially similar to Dissociative Identity Disorder, the protagonist would experience the same stigmas & discrimination applied to DID if her secret got out.

The antagonist's PTSD/PTSS stems from a mall bombing in which his boyfriend, who suffered from DID, was killed. The protagonist and antagonist went out for a friendly coffee date. The protagonist dropped a hint about her secret to test how her friend might react, which reminded him of his boyfriend and the bombing.

He wants to maintain a friendship with the protagonist, but doesn't want to put his mental health at risk. Since she's incredibly protective of her secret, he decides to investigate her, but gets overzealous (though never physically violent).",10.262945454545457,11.973873154285714,9.899116883116884,52.426701298701325,57.457142857142856,13.677922077922075,45.623376623376615,12.872792785125622,6.953628571428572,882,52,119,32,11,286,107,175,0.10800000000000001,0.8240000000000001,0.068,-0.7845,0,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,2,18,0,12,2,0,2,1,26,19,8,1,5,3,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,5,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,5,0,11,3,22,11,1,10,0,1,0,0,20,5,0,2,2,81,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810349504926708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370515564047856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149221726052185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634397671893811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581766637869156,0.0,0.08729425580207015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336319737861545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776019944615612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848531863327976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367618284644881,0.17724923655807273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886512977380432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5859351663160681,0.16796511085284682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382132344771352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415873399095088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956506103227932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488811954761042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869135604267635,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tsuukiiyo,2020/03/19,anybody else live in this constant grey zone between feeling like you made up your trauma and knowing it happened because of all the side effects because oh boy despite having to see a therapist and get interviewed by cps i still feel like i'm being overly dramatic somehow,6.0150000000000015,8.291543100000002,6.041,74.01550000000002,68.0,7.4,40.5,8.07648339933343,3.9148,225,14,32,3,4,71,46,50,0.053,0.8,0.147,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,9,10,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,2,7,8,1,6,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,1,4,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378311736130849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994431107394235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314787508370537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802168519497539,0.3959159000813235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477159792333727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503571177818764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228510899594255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707509185282311,0.0,0.24468147781915334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621956136090481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081020767112328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128979619175404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217306457447537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PennyArturo17,2020/03/20,"Anyone else feel like because of current events, their loved ones can finally better understand their PTSD? I felt like my trauma was sudden and very ""out of left field"" for me-- not something I thought would ever happen to me until it did.  PTSD has haunted me for the past 10 years with the fear of knowing how your whole life can change suddenly and without notice (for the worse), sometimes by things you didn't even think to worry about happening. Years later, even in times of good fortune, I still find myself ""looking over my shoulder"" or ""waiting for the other shoe to drop"". After therapy, I have finally learned how to be a happier me, but I still can't shake this feeling. Sometimes it's not even a concrete thing I'm worried about happening, it's just the general idea that one day you can just wake up and everything about your circumstance has changed, totally out of your control. 

Well... not that I am necessarily ""happy"" about this... but I feel like this global pandemic and the dramatic changes it is making in everyone's lives (at least in the short term), is giving me the words and example necessary to finally communicate to my loved ones what I have been feeling. Many had never given much thought to worrying about a global pandemic seriously threatening their livelihood, and then BOOM. If you had said mid-last-year that you were worried about multiple country-wide lockdowns and severe economic issues due to a global pandemic, people would probably tell you that out of everything you could be worried about, that is probably not a very likely one to pick. Even I would have said that. But then it happens and here you are, and now moving forward I am guessing we will collectively be more worried about pandemic than we were before. And even if you know it's not ""helpful"" to speculate on what bad events could change everything, that doesn't make it easy to shake from your mind that's grasping at straws to ""protect you next time"". 

Anyone else relate to this? Anyone else strangely (and sadly) finding the recent current events as sort of a bridge to loved ones understanding them?",9.928776041666666,8.64382515885417,8.832083333333337,69.73791666666669,59.13020833333334,12.179166666666667,40.08333333333333,11.095144083064902,4.460527083333333,1687,72,285,35,18,524,206,384,0.106,0.7909999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.5299,2,1,1,0,0,0,57.0,2,13,4,2,23,18,0,3,15,0,33,7,3,6,3,68,62,23,0,7,14,0,5,4,0,4,1,3,0,0,24,17,0,3,17,0,0,4,10,7,1,5,14,9,38,11,52,39,6,51,0,1,1,3,27,17,0,5,35,212,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377983984568075,0.20192512655505354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484939022356576,0.04004473276198371,0.0,0.05589835461989054,0.0,0.0,0.05809850915050827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779702265531009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367824265424776,0.10489812157304687,0.0,0.0,0.04236537571291785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462965128192547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694201964424384,0.05942143195082434,0.0,0.06277073630299808,0.177116986650303,0.0,0.0,0.07392083917989117,0.13286173483307734,0.09385958226066307,0.06307383322563144,0.215884425649332,0.12008109432139685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301696437532459,0.0,0.055098643927818255,0.0,0.0,0.07236623933655781,0.0,0.2323619692133689,0.06992948116123608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044031412316949146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415734470184346,0.0,0.06856452337305254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220430759129785,0.0535470782583872,0.0,0.0,0.07137365777812106,0.0,0.04639962217676218,0.1283735667323828,0.0,0.05800651423777156,0.0,0.05516404529291565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778665603724588,0.0,0.08769874365559326,0.06660054448034343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632936395406062,0.0,0.0,0.06981932675606739,0.048290574808028494,0.0,0.05066508668281265,0.0,0.0698633137102882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478984225465657,0.0,0.0,0.22257021366270333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270966310256293,0.04554199196287654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165240237320295,0.0,0.15357894487060586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486211384231808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249747079882838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421233358761126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057227868065623,0.1299405107443422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492212020198728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057416985567929575,0.0,0.0751235877925305,0.0,0.08728460023501214,0.042092254764801294,0.0,0.1043029160934796,0.07661010905310084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677366733011256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084042041930495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059064258770871764,0.0,0.0,0.07334185495962854,0.0,0.0633239519924606,0.0,0.0,0.4002754836728977,0.06694492316601644,0.13999538555445276,0.0,0.0,0.12690889578006626
ptsd,Little_Bird14,2020/03/20,Hello. Has anyone else on here gone through something as a young kid? I got someone sent to jail at the age of 12 and am almost 14 now.  I'm still suffering and am hoping to meet some others like me.  If you have gone through something similar to threats and been forced into stuff (such as sending lude pictures).  I've a survivor and am sad to say I wasn't the first victim.  I'm also a survivor of self harm and am now just starting get over the issue after two years now.,3.464550810014728,4.492329092783507,4.2905743740795295,88.98237113402064,72.50515463917526,6.36759941089838,27.259204712812963,6.1826913282559595,0.9833575846833577,370,13,77,2,7,119,70,97,0.147,0.7390000000000001,0.115,-0.6582,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,8,7,2,0,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,17,9,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,0,2,6,1,4,2,15,11,1,18,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,4,11,52,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468384389011061,0.0,0.0,0.1971293916031586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236153103424776,0.2525727755698301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592270350283715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096764230937295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287883174027706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715199925814425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448343802458974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572864348692067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120429544650638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960301053157203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571577349924252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886228492705586,0.3795420910071368,0.0,0.0,0.1744770051681027,0.0,0.19685864436634706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821884363433305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407988727943221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587406807588871
ptsd,mmoo7114,2020/03/20,"The best PTSD advice I ever heard... Was that I was trying to be who I was before the trauma, but that person doesn't exist anymore.",3.1133333333333333,4.2203160740740735,4.971296296296298,83.46583333333334,73.44444444444444,5.4,17.203703703703702,3.1291,-0.4385407407407409,102,1,19,0,2,35,21,27,0.075,0.8240000000000001,0.102,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,3,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648907093529241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703211426069013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177433438517796,0.0,0.3918694461979621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377695929138759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260461179207585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364948469435823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535200304195455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Bytegrinder,2020/03/20,"Cyber molestation. I really don’t feel like writing out my whole experience. It so confusing and went on for like 3 years. I was groomed tho too. I’m just wondering is this a valid reason to have PTSD. My therapist says I do have it, and all the people I’ve told said that I was cyber molested and groomed. But I can’t say that I was. Only because nothing physical happened to me.",1.6719805194805204,3.957341571428575,3.9481655844155874,83.89939123376625,81.33766233766234,8.005844155844157,26.508116883116887,8.841846274778883,2.386377922077922,299,13,60,8,8,103,56,77,0.11199999999999999,0.813,0.075,-0.4145,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,2,0,9,0,0,1,1,12,16,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,4,9,2,5,10,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353401189332085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032471037704666,0.0,0.0,0.11905546942369875,0.16821241480844346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821618320480814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300673744493865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259298762313729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790776674441851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323806815988418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752397204227117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084147552041882,0.24209172702826184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22397603861379867,0.3744939148766064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733867916266485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499177768568807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827344647592334,0.0,0.2628822807889317,0.0,0.0,0.2553459369793068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516282891646387
ptsd,jad20010406,2020/03/20,"Asking if a guy I know REALLY has PTSD Hi, a little background first. So about 6 months ago, my brothers, wifes mother and step father moved down to our area and my grandmother agreed to let them live with her until they can find a house. Now the mother got to work tight away, she drives 3 hours to and from her job as a nurse at a prison. The step-father on the other hand, hasnt had a job in 2 years. He claims that since he broke his arm on his last job on an oil rig, and since he was under the constant stress of the rig exploding, he has PTSD. All he does all day is lie in bed, or my grandmother's couch, and play World of Warcraft, if he isnt sleeping. Whenever my grandmother asks him to do something, he goes and takes a nap, because he says that's how his stress manifests. He hasnt payed his child support in so long, he had his drivers liscense taken away, and now my grandmother has to drive him to his doctor appointments. What I want to know is, is he faking it? Or is this a serious part of PTSD?",4.92642857142857,4.487937309523808,5.395000000000002,87.55250000000004,68.76190476190476,8.904761904761905,26.54761904761905,8.344100000000001,1.3741904761904755,785,19,178,10,12,252,125,210,0.092,0.852,0.055999999999999994,-0.7604,3,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,2,2,6,7,0,2,14,0,16,4,3,1,2,20,25,16,0,3,4,5,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,6,8,0,1,3,2,1,4,3,5,0,1,5,4,21,2,27,19,3,30,0,1,0,0,36,14,0,4,12,104,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404460819993135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24054951097563415,0.0,0.2417506073801669,0.0,0.0,0.07842669670727236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902999996050888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829716230515321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316835130343776,0.11258657445459323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758804360859755,0.10943360216680097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289689768105552,0.0,0.0,0.12738835686330674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669894090994852,0.14845022325375345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830097442591053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414104912643398,0.10487073271513768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315581234134031,0.0,0.0,0.12894578471896376,0.11360443647386766,0.1138553402374967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269093540061668,0.13673956063960485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932047741813214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511712964192064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241948020173626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231136262872546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284895587817798,0.0,0.12874758943834916,0.0,0.0,0.09904465552205638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947469946633193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459958023442491,0.0,0.0,0.09673230550826076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588386156846051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366213681244677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284939360153894
ptsd,RogueTaters,2020/03/20,"She Has the Same Style As Amy Winehouse Suicide by Hanging Trigger Warning: I’m going to be very descriptive

I used to be a Paramedic, well I guess I still have my cert technically, but I work as an ER nurse now. When I first started working the bus over ten years ago I had to respond to a ln early morning call for a girl who was reportedly hanging from a tree.

It was in a housing area directly behind the local Pizza Hut. We got there and all the workers were standing at the opening of the backdoor looking at her. Rigor had already set in and she was completely blue. Her hands stuck, stiff, and clinging to the rope. A turned chair next to her dangled feet. 

I remember this pretty vividly and I wished I didn’t. I knew this girl. She used to ride the same bus as me when we were kids. She was always quiet, never said a word to anyone that I could tell back then. I remember she wore her hair big and her makeup just as flashy as Amy Winehouse used to. 

We had to wait for law enforcement to take the pics they needed while trying to give this girl as much privacy and dignity as we could. We strung sheets between our units to block her from all the nosey people curious to see a dead girl. 

When we finally got to cut her down and place her into a body bag and the cops asked that we check her for identification. She was still so young. Maybe only 20 if I recall she was only a few years younger than me.

I’m writing this because I just started reading I’m Traveling Alone by Samuel Bjork. In the beginning of the book this guy Walter is walking his dog and he stumbles across a girl hanging from a tree and I was instantaneously right back there behind that Pizza Hut. 

I’m ok, just a bit shook up. I and I can’t get her out of my head now and I haven’t thought about her in years.  I’m sorry I felt the need to share this. Idk why I did. I just felt I wanted to tell someone. I’d tell my friends but they’ll only worry. They know I’ve been struggling with PTSD for awhile now. Just felt like getting it off my chest in a way I suppose.",2.199747104247102,4.006129550000002,3.3903603603603614,90.97337837837841,77.30952380952381,6.064350064350065,23.97039897039897,6.885778809224403,0.7184935649935653,1601,53,344,16,37,518,224,420,0.08800000000000001,0.8490000000000001,0.063,-0.8061,0,1,2,0,0,1,34.0,8,0,3,4,20,8,1,2,29,1,25,9,6,4,3,62,62,28,2,7,8,0,5,1,1,1,1,2,0,7,12,23,2,3,9,3,1,8,4,3,2,2,25,11,59,5,56,32,7,56,0,0,4,0,50,20,0,2,26,225,71,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032615762435307,0.0,0.0,0.10553528030392713,0.11244663923592364,0.0,0.08478704430750117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124923692236912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526058876345574,0.0,0.0,0.15670607391739824,0.0,0.06211588851547897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124589063623927,0.1131853669038765,0.0,0.0,0.10404893847492536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683779353148518,0.0,0.0,0.16271403442353158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29351329795413184,0.11162394311687272,0.0,0.08667412650837762,0.0,0.0,0.07872590565842133,0.0,0.10647467894260026,0.09774955315565616,0.05791080776450749,0.0,0.16299378893392608,0.0,0.1122517980487434,0.1008947374466872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457643158546123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757625789271653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600030779748713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978206626373849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556839941582965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236992965880568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749065296290743,0.1511116980009785,0.07858978344848291,0.0,0.10836935363119707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23249336404341056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064303094124941,0.0,0.10646140246841568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366658773579687,0.0,0.0,0.11911295144119315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192526901774968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308604471910872,0.0870200739630831,0.09692804138306632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119926942258958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633758550194301,0.0,0.0,0.11406612600703354,0.14424742463279114,0.0,0.16275126019723435,0.0,0.0,0.10652559418720432,0.0,0.11145953863074554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076614384604563,0.0,0.267189227779157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089538699647189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918184552276334,0.11083543047196094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640206732007057,0.0,0.0840762691848604,0.060101900031618326,0.08088164659328761,0.0,0.0,0.09161826437617927,0.0,0.0919468197118353,0.0,0.11717731935823952,0.0,0.0,0.14836546973484865,0.103482054544217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19685632237208686
ptsd,ahart015,2020/03/20,"An interesting title? That I don’t have I’ve almost wrote on here several times but always end up deleting and/or passing out. I am on mobile so apologies for that ahead of time. I have also not read the rules for this sub because I have never intended on posting, even if I get through this and actually post. 

I was diagnosed with ptsd a few months ago and the psychologist suggested doing cpt. My husband is military and I am a dependent and bc of where we are currently and lack of civilian doctors, I ended up with my referral going to a non-civilian doctor. At first I was weary because he was not a civilian but very quickly bonded with him and felt fortunate to have him as my doctor. I’ve been in and out of therapy my whole life but he was legit, up front, and called me out just enough on my bullshit. He was also the first doctor to recognize the underlying issues, which is why I think we got to where we were so quickly. 

Anyways, after figuring out all of the stuff you do in therapy, he convinced me enough to trust him to do cpt and I did, so I invested fully for the first time in my life in therapy. I’ll try and summarize as quickly as I can...

 We made it halfway through and suddenly he was taken away from me without warning and without him doing an exit session. There were a lot of moving parts but I was going there with more realizations about my trauma than I ever knew due to finding a lot of legal records and I left feeling more broken than ever because an enlisted guy had to tell me that effective immediately, my doctor was no longer seeing  patients due to an upcoming deployment.

There is a lot left out, sorry for the rambling. However, I shared a trauma with this doctor because I knew i needed to be 100% committed and honest for this process to work and he guaranteed/committed/promised/whatever that we would finish this process together. I don’t blame him because I know what happened wasn’t his fault but I’ve been left in this limbo and I don’t know how to get myself out of it. I am suffering and I know my husband and my daughter are. I am having anger episodes, depression, etc in levels I didn’t know was possible because I can’t move on. 

I was told/promises this process would help me return as close to the person I was before but I feel worse off than before and I don’t know what to do. This is already long and there are a lot of details missing so I am going to stop because I want to post this before I delete and pretend I am okay. Hopefully posting will help because I don’t know where to go from here.",4.158830244783097,5.4061299135559935,5.469830616471089,80.34890564434771,71.08251473477407,8.410364785217437,30.652631020018053,8.841846274778883,2.549726979238572,2022,86,385,37,37,677,226,509,0.114,0.7929999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.9292,2,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,5,1,0,6,25,14,1,0,21,1,53,9,0,5,5,87,81,39,0,7,12,3,3,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,19,38,0,1,15,2,1,8,14,7,0,3,26,4,64,7,76,51,14,71,0,3,1,0,31,33,0,8,26,306,83,10,0.0,0.0,0.06744661533307973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061266590992698475,0.0,0.0692090431733415,0.0,0.07627051161881185,0.11054304698194566,0.05750951110608235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493615006608455,0.0,0.0,0.33705662553721744,0.0,0.17643622658111702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057450382511336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952895298216392,0.07015062927551874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244549599091216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243137794746504,0.14282927241994667,0.07708188934445025,0.04565003936543645,0.12503758894445732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989359916576086,0.0,0.06636157841622284,0.0,0.06317018127476785,0.17636845399277135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221983949526929,0.0,0.15711939339300676,0.0,0.055277862269393706,0.0,0.0,0.06843506659686892,0.0611184791391223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265312957262424,0.0,0.0,0.06864714129692502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213847267083108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227903945669588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252821025108079,0.0,0.09763643679468127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061164913210420724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23503760896750284,0.0,0.06539861893779876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516721603197186,0.1469173662211416,0.0,0.0512481591110105,0.05330602170378142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484519296098845,0.0,0.0,0.06034886106504389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791717667595849,0.2647736149011328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080792150024028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913405743108468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507598861128188,0.0,0.0,0.07808067692996709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736898006065918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057783530586545014,0.0,0.0,0.07912054443727799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040986563412006,0.0,0.237118291718607,0.0,0.0,0.04428632798164657,0.0,0.0,0.12090515589601315,0.0,0.0,0.06604268246253794,0.0,0.04692478840282725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702740525909481,0.04076602640881552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062365856630279125,0.07716482430493518,0.0,0.1332494694191225,0.0,0.05031680075160097,0.0,0.07043445024749627,0.09819512869568067,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MobileAstronaut2,2020/03/20,"Ramble  found out yesterday that my abusive ex moved house and has a new partner. Im struggling having bad flashbacks and I dont feel safe leaving the house cause I no longer know what suburb to avoid I also I feel bad for this lady who is now probably in domestic violence herself. Like its my fault for not reporting.

This guys a monster like my councilor awhile back and she said no amount if councilling or prison would help with his personality and the best I can do is teach other woman the warning signs than spending my life trying to keep people from him.

I have him blocked everywhere I just was looking through emails for a old recipt and found an old message from him I opened it incase it contained evedence if I ever choose to go to the police and bam his instagram new house new gf ...why cant hos life be shit",4.070382226469185,5.913897987577641,4.411428571428576,85.49318681318682,72.22981366459628,6.941423793597706,27.912565695174393,7.61054688173877,1.6323536550406117,660,25,125,8,13,207,113,161,0.228,0.7070000000000001,0.066,-0.9805,0,1,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,1,2,8,0,12,3,1,1,1,29,21,10,0,3,5,1,2,2,2,1,2,1,0,4,9,9,0,5,6,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,4,4,20,4,14,15,2,14,0,0,1,0,18,3,1,3,11,81,29,2,0.0,0.15619768063791126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542486748976933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136957888551364,0.22014605607750445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834806079385226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542632044074576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450445836625007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192483073843858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331500499776974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28909085379493776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492235685902536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053300093685294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836325915009091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563443694901717,0.0,0.0,0.14239964903666072,0.0,0.0,0.1171770770787542,0.0,0.0,0.0724506393017375,0.0,0.0,0.13958954977467716,0.0,0.0,0.18623167521216705,0.12881152509419438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070448512751684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011504376516282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819683880180408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766680356075003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913947254078415,0.11510937783323205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213566271775172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540107082739174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353221962895546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781794608648065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950431048207849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189565938454179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364866188801314,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,familymember12,2020/03/21,Helping a loved one Hi my girlfriend has PTSD. And she is my world i hate feeling like  i can't  help her is there anything i can do to help her or just be there for her,-1.5168421052631589,0.4214125789473684,0.4161052631578954,105.61573684210528,94.26315789473685,3.04,18.12631578947369,3.1291,-1.1648063157894737,130,4,34,0,5,42,30,38,0.185,0.5870000000000001,0.228,0.2225,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,9,2,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,1,0,1,1,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692616206136544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544454748209125,0.2337551309785776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230469384368307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6579553182797742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985570776555533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953150519471849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217223993269781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824848300952432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,moonmeetsun,2020/03/21,"Quarantine is giving me way too much time to overthink I can't stop thinking about my predator and his family.

As far as I know, he's still married to his wife and his daughter still lives with them. 

And if that's true, I'm so concerned for them and I hope they're okay.

He was so extremely manipulative and always gaslighting and I can't imagine how mentally and emotional exhausted they must be. It's one thing to live with someone like that, but to be quarantined with them must be a whole separate nightmare.

I really hope they are doing okay. I hope they have support systems in place. I know it's not my business or concern but I can't help but care.",2.4484615384615367,4.7824577099236665,3.6529770992366433,86.82066353493838,78.77099236641222,7.084204345273048,26.87081620669407,8.139509932561175,1.869098179682912,524,22,104,10,13,170,82,131,0.061,0.7490000000000001,0.19,0.9188,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,6,0,7,10,0,0,1,2,13,1,0,2,3,29,23,17,0,6,6,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,20,9,12,17,2,9,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,5,5,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505650740586318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844908033519512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354463604591694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058375804579373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735839340819839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212871144925344,0.0,0.0,0.5391731757666636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889101123174466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840313464174353,0.0,0.31956470907753515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823552562412755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133019228034098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261654835334415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905446083140184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592134088464102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331852951493244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890141500375936,0.15128248171131142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534015902368974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202152820574406,0.1159455909830583,0.0,0.0,0.10551352522063276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436298577072233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202445235124056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Fluid-Transportation,2020/03/21,"No access to a therapist, what should I do? Because of ""the virus"" and everyone shutting their doors for probably the next few months. I'm just now coming to terms with my sexual assault and am having alot of complex feelings and panic attacks. I feel really suicidal and high risk, but I dont know what im suposed to do about it right now and when I'll be able to actually see someone about it :(",5.131139240506329,5.622701860759497,6.404911392405065,77.28407594936711,68.36708860759494,9.864303797468356,32.255696202531645,9.888512548439397,3.1320764556962017,313,13,60,7,5,106,59,79,0.201,0.799,0.0,-0.9245,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,2,2,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,15,13,7,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,10,11,3,10,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,6,42,9,0,0.2258829770900398,0.0,0.22042920162870275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256974495965272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769616626409467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457818371739186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26473316686089604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158408646118556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284264404815722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386577671316451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24399237697072215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413937685849433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029763726396408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402291087217609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650250044089096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435400538795201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470641918807448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929028282312756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999948757313036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913899134704241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24707931464578314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622675463304744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jessiebellanger,2020/03/21,"Best lession ive learned!! I have ptsd from child abuse.  I was abused by female teachers and women in charge at certain places for yrs..  It made me in to a hardline anti feminist today


One thing ive learned is to never tell some one WHO DOESNT HAVE PTSD. That you have it..they will never understand and say its your fault and or say your just making it up.  Trust and believe. I dont make up these nightmares and flash backs i have.  And panic attacks.  I still have them this day.  I deal with it by meditation and music.  I have no one to talk to about it except guys who is in my unit.  


Never share it with any one who dont ""get it""  they will make it worst!",0.9857457983193284,3.0731852426470603,2.2544537815126056,96.20147058823532,82.60294117647058,4.768067226890756,18.537815126050425,5.773587663045528,-0.4205508403361349,507,12,114,3,14,162,84,136,0.195,0.74,0.065,-0.9543,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,3,2,1,4,8,1,1,1,0,16,0,0,4,4,24,22,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,3,15,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,4,2,2,16,4,18,18,3,14,0,0,0,0,17,7,0,2,7,86,31,2,0.0,0.33149192689381946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512953123310557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159144290930022,0.0,0.10756624841015093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576073542044917,0.14680520564479568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021703544356334,0.14421974128231793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32789847076053896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730863933874565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851241525185548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236665226865854,0.28013161213344906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236737909741323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791704809277447,0.0,0.0,0.1641299703573765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615456028905385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270462466016033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249119612430066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171578768968927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243773251240413,0.12226942721211387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293624499449764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259871382531166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562971041354952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AutoModerator,2020/03/21,"Survey thread - Surveys posted outside this thread will be removed If you have a survey you would like to share with us, you may do so here, please use the following format. Failure to do so will result in your survey being removed. Surveys not posted in here will result in a ban, the length of which will be decided at mods' pleasure.

**Who I am**: (Student, Researcher)

**Affiliation**: (university, company)

**Supervisor**: (supervisor's name & contact information)

**Target group**: (PTSD sufferers, military vets)

**Compensation**: (raffle, payment)

**Link**: (how to access survey)

**Background**: (why are you doing this survey? Bachelor thesis, making a website)

**Link to results**: (Optional, for when the survey is completed)

Since March 2020, information about the researching supervisor is now mandatory.",3.607140000000001,4.036443784000007,4.697550000000003,66.94952500000002,135.16,7.01,28.725,6.961326702584282,3.79222,623,32,75,18,40,202,89,125,0.077,0.8320000000000001,0.091,-0.0056,0,0,0,0,0,0,74.0,1,5,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,0,17,0,0,6,0,19,20,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,12,11,0,12,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,3,4,56,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960576625686311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864891058277333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349227065375874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823911997159442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29993773360915715,0.0,0.0,0.5233807331372059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31940535107394485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260286592395173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32867656001028656,0.2359934129583569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465584629954433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410332281952672,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ayoitsjo,2020/03/21,"I had a realization about why this quarantine is so bad for me. I'm an introvert who loves social isolation, so I sort of fully expected to be one of those who made ""this was my life anyway!"" jokes and holed up happily, but... I quickly realized it scared me. 

I was terrified I would revert back to severe depression, but then it hit me - I was already getting really depressed. The key is, that before I would still do what *needed* to be done for the sake of others. I would shower, get dressed, clean myself up so that I could go to work. People held me accountable for my hygiene whether they knew they were doing it or not.

Now, there is no accountability. I haven't even brushed my teeth in days. I realized, that I will let myself disintegrate without other people. I'll rot from the outside in and I'll do it happily, because ""wow it's so nice to not need to shower."" I need to find a reason to take care of myself, but in the past my **only** loophole was doing it for other people. I don't know how to tap in to that loophole on command.",2.64431623931624,4.479717961538462,4.517628205128204,83.2551495726496,76.11538461538461,7.506837606837608,25.017094017094017,8.344100000000001,1.683098504273504,808,28,160,15,18,275,122,208,0.095,0.775,0.13,0.8921,2,2,0,0,1,0,37.0,0,0,2,1,13,9,0,1,7,0,24,3,1,3,0,28,39,13,0,8,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,19,2,0,1,6,1,2,1,6,4,0,1,10,1,27,5,28,20,0,15,0,2,0,1,6,7,0,2,7,129,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452946030123664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161246744487715,0.1320539424755841,0.09641064039266467,0.0,0.13457940143668834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125093502254795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262749727530465,0.0,0.0,0.10199775903700943,0.0,0.2724396576281052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184885237503358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446077473557593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455203473811792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652603259454527,0.0,0.08988389598325319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691859145823304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172557891205022,0.11171050421607873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274227684220264,0.1496513583743292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35181277906376923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717083297369197,0.1202850277128074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509781277468275,0.32893708912949754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131900488858804,0.1626110642953957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834209265654245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867165324194875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122047735639042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630386198547616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891388917627994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271150236026806,0.0,0.0,0.15245707344520806,0.0,0.1151397033122272,0.0,0.0,0.3370491908023456,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Make-2Day-Your-Bitch,2020/03/21,"Learning.... Any info is appreciated So is dissociation a symptom of PTSD? I've read that a lot on here. I'm newly diagnosed, like, really new, as in yesterday. I'm a master at dissociation  though. I'm studying what I can about it but it seems to be such a broad condition. I have  panic disorder as well as anxiety. I can usually control or at least hide my panic attacks. I just don't really feel like I should be diagnosed with PTSD. I didn't go through war or anything and there are people out there who have had it rougher than I. So I had a shitty childhood but who didn't? Most of it I don't remember anyway. 
Anyway, they're wanting to to start EMDR treatments asap...? 
So any personal stories of what I should expect before I Google this would be seriously appreciated. 
Thanks in advance!!",1.4673225806451633,4.128493587096777,4.180887096774196,78.89133064516129,87.32258064516128,7.229032258064515,25.16935483870968,8.238735603445708,2.2513806451612908,626,27,115,16,20,220,97,155,0.17300000000000001,0.6940000000000001,0.133,-0.8212,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,13,9,2,2,5,0,19,3,0,1,0,21,28,12,1,5,5,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,10,3,0,1,5,1,0,2,4,5,1,0,4,1,12,4,19,18,3,14,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,5,7,85,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845993650612405,0.0,0.12287707809333985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218003563124614,0.0,0.0,0.182733223013012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667936894232025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801537054040294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260603763550696,0.0,0.0,0.18408925613100607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121642487087241,0.11474996500176365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128643796835204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569457474121559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655695613318672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513185925837544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376915795108496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135660010370402,0.14025086128724898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755222029428476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066767338891966,0.0,0.2057999590160288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195591380415294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622624469896128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369063987487806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695005214936764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478811885240112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578124670554535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690487030967775,0.0,0.0947403184449966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444204515632747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410282754912385,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throw_away3396,2020/03/21,"I'm confused as to why this is screwing with me so much. Is this normal or even okay? Tw Wanted to give a heads up that this deals with heavier situations/topics.please please be careful when reading!


So, when i was around the age of 13 I went to a mental hospital to help me with my suicidal thoughts and depression. The place was horrible and caused me a lot of trauma. The staff were abusive and gave me so much medication that on my 8th day of being there i only thought it was my 3rd day due to how out of it i was.
So, for the most part i barely remember everything that happened there but sometimes i get random flashbacks to moments I either blocked out or didn't remember due to the medication.

One I recently remembered happened around my last day there. The only reason I left was due to the fact that i had a melt down during visitations and my family forced me out of the hospital, by now I'm questioning if this was one of the things that caused my tipping point.

I have bad psoriasis, it was especially bad back then. Covered 75-80% of my body, so i constantly had to use medicine. The staff would give me it after taking my pills and I'd go to a private room by myself to apply it.
Well, near the last day a nurse didn't hand it to me but instead took it, brought me to a different room, took my shirt and pants off without warning, then started applying it to my body. She then went on to go underneath my underwear to apply it onto my backside.

I was too confused and dazed to really do anything or tell her I was uncomfortable because the medication instantly hit me with drowsiness/fuzziness but i remember feeling humiliated and shocked by it.

She was a female nurse, kind of sweet but could be very rude at times. She often picked favorites as well. This memory just came out of the blue and i instantly felt so fucking disgusted and shocked because it didn't seem or feel right and I never remembered it until i was just randomly looking back on my experiences there. 

I'm questioning if it's okay for me to feel this way about it. I feel guilty because maybe she was just really use to taking care of little kids and got carried away? Is that behavior normal? No one else in the hospital did that to me from what i remember.  I'm scared to see a doctor and talk to them about my mental health and worries though because i don't wish to deal with that all over again, too much happened in such a short amount of time and yet i barely remember most of it. The place is still up and running despite all the horrible reviews and stories of abuse.",4.967044845661037,5.8895908792079235,5.8347262667443225,79.6852052999418,68.92079207920793,9.347117064647644,31.486604542807218,9.5536054971066,2.8492236458940017,2034,84,396,43,34,669,234,505,0.172,0.773,0.055,-0.9966,1,0,0,0,2,0,40.0,0,0,1,0,35,22,4,3,26,2,31,13,5,7,4,87,72,43,1,8,15,0,6,0,0,1,6,0,2,1,31,29,0,1,18,1,0,10,7,14,2,3,30,10,54,8,75,36,11,71,0,1,3,2,18,30,2,17,30,293,85,5,0.0,0.15480417049031536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053758744106815366,0.11631016987861308,0.0,0.0,0.06137708309161548,0.10046521502903656,0.10909101677634317,0.15929149242081572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512765127575394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471694782733854,0.1332109297759002,0.13421812099108033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059552778193777,0.0,0.052158477485751184,0.0,0.0,0.1685226360328185,0.13469901138611035,0.05626624753430587,0.0,0.0,0.06825305123093063,0.0,0.06686518812833307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457251811635699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314801934541073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587119020627447,0.06390256632104067,0.06158469853534587,0.0,0.1321256415479895,0.0,0.0627243855448491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039397153069252,0.034130781429552275,0.1253356635295669,0.074253940630702,0.0,0.05224815364296555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733059614130555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704458495808333,0.06943979072534058,0.0,0.0,0.043787465276966864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802825729282704,0.0,0.10650082323249067,0.0,0.0,0.0709782266158783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547504660919985,0.0,0.0,0.05485842017542481,0.0,0.0,0.05553887488160294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562998318176493,0.0,0.0,0.1974309345668508,0.13166896556400046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406909224649392,0.0,0.050384387125920166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801363036853122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280226533216935,0.09936860445182806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074302407364096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650610246186126,0.14341936243555908,0.06175534804290536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636289703455388,0.0,0.06534490854616283,0.0,0.08370059276425601,0.06716727274669565,0.06450275855830108,0.0,0.5180211182077208,0.05578909753780243,0.0,0.0,0.06540395372743207,0.0,0.0520573444207476,0.05947145673649505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461030095211193,0.0,0.046238949680906895,0.0,0.052170410320472205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145738665801532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823589387699112,0.05250755297871845,0.05709887849534288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043400508874130814,0.0,0.06418367185924607,0.10372504710623548,0.07618566640289245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516191261643702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284350394399935,0.0,0.05390180642869365,0.0385316928654149,0.05185371449724655,0.0,0.0,0.11747405063560908,0.12111799352067995,0.05894766413747798,0.0,0.07512309058331025,0.06297311857977457,0.0,0.0,0.06634297319522722,0.0,0.04640658991188383,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gabrieln21,2020/03/21,"Death and robbery A couple months ago my best friend committed suicide and this had a huge impact on me. Flash forward to today, a couple hours ago they robbed my house with my family and I inside. They held us at gunpoint and tied us up meanwhile they took everything with sentimental value as well as all money and a car.  They even held a gun to my head and threaten to kill my dad and brother. I know have flashbacks of everything and cant do this any longer.",5.148608058608058,5.961631571428577,5.496428571428575,82.66940476190476,68.45054945054946,8.264468864468865,28.353479853479854,8.344100000000001,1.883064468864468,367,12,71,5,6,117,62,91,0.168,0.659,0.17300000000000001,-0.3612,0,0,0,2,0,1,6.0,2,0,4,1,2,4,1,0,5,0,4,1,1,0,2,15,8,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,4,0,14,3,11,4,2,12,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,6,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32260885034866954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237450725701218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909651040082587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026901903306839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018872340889734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270837764922821,0.0,0.17154405719604074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058869869536875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867525601368874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920268354859895,0.2099676460545092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013215953372903,0.0,0.1000053328563601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524581711370366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990444106324038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724852130807913,0.0,0.20217411169325367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377722942562502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361186902392247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Kpopkinz,2020/03/21,"Possibly will be getting a diagnosis of PTSD soon, this is my story (TW) Hi I’m Hanna I’m 17, i grew up in a extremely toxic environment before my parents got divorced at the age of 13.
My parents would constantly scream at each other even sometimes breaking glass and when i was younger like 9 or 10 I thought it was completely normal, I remember going to friends houses and being confused why there house was so incredibly quiet. I remember vaguely one time when i raised my hand in elementary school and was like “my daddy cusses alot” or something like that and i thought it was funny as i was only in 2nd grade or something. I feel like I completely blocked out my childhood which my therapist said is a sign of ptsd along with other symptoms i will describe later. As i was saying i blocked out alot of my childhood, i remember when i first started going to therapy when i was 13ish they would ask why i thought my childhood was toxic and what happened and I couldn’t ever describe it in detail, this has happened multiple times between switching psychs and therapists and what i think is one of the main reasons a possible diagnosis was delayed for so long. I also have gotten panic attacks since around the same age (13) and currently have a diagnosis of panic disorder which i think will eventually be changed to ptsd. One of the main things that have effected me due to this was my horrible fear of any type of confrontation no matter how big or small even if it doesn’t involve me, like for example say two people i know get into a small fight and you can feel the tension that could possibly cause me to cry or even have a panic attack. Or if it’s a example that directly effects me like someone raising their voice at me, i will always cry without a doubt which has completely disrupted me having a job. This has also caused me to not be able to defend myself at all and i tend to get walked over ALOT and causes me to get in tons of toxic relationships amongst friendships and relationships. I was also sexually assaulted at 16 by a crush at the time and I don’t feel comfortable going into detail with this part but with the toxic childhood I completely blocked it out so I don’t get flashbacks with that trauma. But i know for sure i get flashbacks from the sexual assault I experienced as well as my mom often shaming me for the clothes i wear. I scream in sleep (night terrors) often as well and i know that can be related but i don’t remember the night terrors but often wake up dissociated for a few minutes after having one. Thank you and i hope no one got triggered by this",6.69379791180107,6.794135651394428,7.309640060447862,73.48770916334664,64.99601593625498,10.270751476851217,35.637038054677845,10.004066432519934,3.5919988185190266,2075,92,372,42,29,687,228,502,0.125,0.7979999999999999,0.077,-0.9684,4,0,2,0,2,0,25.0,0,2,2,3,23,32,6,10,25,0,43,5,4,8,3,89,76,44,0,8,14,3,4,6,1,6,1,7,0,0,26,28,0,4,18,0,0,5,9,19,2,7,19,12,61,13,61,44,11,56,0,0,0,0,18,24,0,17,32,284,87,5,0.0662495566016998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893923943722138,0.055124938233941455,0.0,0.0,0.0450519702832529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058976151097158626,0.061934392389826634,0.15073686946191087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056373493157639475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041696317306005,0.07008324650687821,0.0,0.2778455985852861,0.07159223510027374,0.0,0.05289488017097356,0.0,0.1455440541748951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592773145796207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127162196292086,0.05992651680493233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454916965000863,0.1004932991828096,0.04732869647354167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056351839001804176,0.0,0.0,0.05118424309134262,0.0,0.20767595384865825,0.0,0.11295344921513102,0.0,0.10597164485310233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716852822072507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580075801634523,0.0,0.15288618696525444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657424624529054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922707119813152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941971217673722,0.0,0.0,0.05862877284053682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759067999712227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434144200530513,0.06491049935693155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22446207052656414,0.050385773114947525,0.0,0.2331887412231384,0.14712458499949785,0.07174181382747939,0.0,0.04592910095051239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405926266886908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323265592527796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811557803461826,0.0,0.14225446117158413,0.3001913322019857,0.0,0.0630184993240263,0.10536861294433768,0.0,0.06704808817594463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480231782495403,0.0,0.06629740123917119,0.0,0.056133034320683166,0.10200429066496176,0.06552250547585706,0.0,0.04689177714727962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243942306580458,0.0688586558113367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609936908102059,0.07576214168015237,0.15384168279740493,0.04401326163869642,0.08490008166103656,0.0,0.15778424338340027,0.1158919476578178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647161903627846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913261527365175,0.0,0.11955984074736407,0.0,0.0,0.06386220844309816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412356843441914,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CamiPatri,2020/03/21,Can someone please DM me for a private conversation? I’m having a massive melt down. Please?,1.9056862745098044,4.572556823529414,3.278823529411767,81.6480392156863,98.41176470588236,4.6196078431372545,29.196078431372552,6.42735559955562,1.9542313725490192,74,4,12,1,3,24,15,17,0.0,0.708,0.292,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9329303224879836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600569585252689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,chrly999,2020/03/21,"dissociating and I can’t figure out what to do I’m having a hard time with dissociating a lot, constantly zoning out, feeling like I’m in a dream watching myself from another persons eyes. It’s causing me memory problems and I’m starting to catch myself doubting that I’ve even experienced my trauma, but I obviously know I did. I think this is starting to affect me a lot and my relationships. How do I start to heal and become present again? I feel like almost half the time I’m just sitting here while my body is in auto pilot and I’m disappearing",3.768032619775738,5.653218688073395,5.913149847094799,74.23946992864424,73.12844036697248,8.147196738022426,28.624872579001018,8.841846274778883,2.4895190621814485,443,18,80,9,9,155,71,109,0.068,0.852,0.08,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,0,7,3,2,3,1,24,19,8,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,1,6,13,2,10,18,2,16,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,4,11,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296903324362195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254261634476276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22385989739959827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514764088848727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822285098660492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21904049845305232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387765431649398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049766273615537,0.2896096553537591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815742535714588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113954704086537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805236461978007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34464684151566216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769848191232293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395104285327286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761779080197366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.430404144749923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298783043977572,0.0,0.0,0.23638531884646055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Unfey,2020/03/21,"What can I do to help my friend? TW for mentions of suicide, self-harm.

My friend has PTSD and anxiety. She has frequent flashbacks, and when things get really bad for her she self-harms. She has suicidal thoughts and has attempted in the past, and has taken herself to the hospital a couple times when these ideas have come close to consuming her. She lives alone, she's cut off her family, and most of her friends from her old life. I'm one of her few current close friends. The current social distancing stuff has been really hard for her.

I just got a scary text from her. Then she called and we talked for about an hour. She was flashing back and having suicidal thoughts. 

I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and find out she's gone. But there's not much that I can do to help, other than what I've been doing-- just being on the phone, coming over when I can, distracting her from flashbacks and listening when she wants to talk about it. I know I can't 'fix' her. You can't fix people. And it's not my responsibility to save her. I know that, too. But I still want to help her feel better if I can.

What can I do to help? Any suggestions are welcome. Sending funny videos helps sometimes. If you can link me some funny videos, or music, or any media, or stuff that makes *you* feel better when you're having panic attacks/flashbacks/dark moments, that would be super helpful. Something nice to send her. Or any advice you have, just anything at all. Thanks.",2.17692218350755,4.605365675958192,2.7368188153310133,92.48023403019752,80.39372822299651,5.777886178861787,21.41335656213705,7.0316486544052195,0.5160449245063883,1147,34,236,14,30,355,156,287,0.113,0.706,0.18100000000000002,0.9638,2,1,1,0,0,1,47.0,1,4,0,4,14,16,1,3,7,0,29,2,1,1,1,46,48,24,3,5,13,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,15,16,0,0,9,2,0,5,4,5,0,2,8,4,42,11,29,37,5,31,0,0,0,0,49,9,0,8,17,162,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005668327215064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060476624054828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889106094870907,0.0,0.07832991751167337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426023346535565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873344712698171,0.0854933899151707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811155411591232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455410426978452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640399882588503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329526009227199,0.0,0.06603463721226628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652645653647116,0.0,0.10354536353633016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935848126698843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164325045344854,0.0,0.05349581094928342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189256831116933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917234922678844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117888661717042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083590377604792,0.0,0.0,0.11558857372573833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254438740880576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232279109221874,0.0,0.0,0.09041437870386793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834773236181671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527020673270313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074436156917978,0.0,0.13876750120728196,0.0,0.0,0.12013543777981285,0.0,0.0,0.09774514643141773,0.07098600842280532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196912542059764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119040641075466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251267030496126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363524041202755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437617290743344,0.0,0.07882668380671272,0.10126871698629687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177071519476009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23442963689767024,0.33600205041984416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645982898666878,0.0,0.09426917923467336,0.0,0.0,0.0680249710257998,0.0,0.0,0.162576280949026,0.05970584083090201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078739898403362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727366341099219,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Adhoc10,2020/03/21,"Recalling repressed memories, am desperate Hello,

I have never posted here before but I do not know what to do.

After years of childhood sexual abuse I was made the victim of a violent crime when I just entered my teens. I was staying abroad in an isolated place with distant family when I was threatened and raped at knifepoint. My life continued to be threatened for the  weeks that I stayed there and I was forced to endure psychological and  physical torture and sexual violence. I told no one when I returned home but quickly stopped sleeping and eating. I began self harming. 

I was treated for post traumatic stress disorder for several years at a children's hospital.

Recently I have began to experience very serious flashbacks I have not experienced for years. I have had several memories resurface that I have never recalled before and I am terrified that I will start to remember more.

I have always experienced a significant amount it amnesia around much of what happened and for this I am thankful. I do not want to remember. I am begining to remember memories surrounding the hours following the attacks. Sitting in the shower numb and terrified. Knowing that it would happen again. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am at the mercy of something I cannot control. 
All it takes is the air smelling a certain way and I am right back there.

I spent years wishing that he had killed me and even spent even longer trying to do anything I could to finish the job myself. I felt as though I had come such a long way until these recent memories.

Now I am falling back into old behaviours. I self harmed for the first time in 6 or 7 years. I have started to restrict my food. I suffer from constant suicidal ideation. I came home to my apartment complex smelling a certain way I nearly passed out on my stairs. 

I know that I am not the only one to suffer trauma like this. I know I should be grateful that I was lucky enough to receive any treatment. I am lucky that I survived but gratitude has not made me feel less alone in this.",4.430497665954583,6.689161381201051,5.296154759079041,77.76346467283805,72.26370757180158,8.611092649734948,31.971595854102386,9.259372276320047,3.2447239338555267,1631,78,279,38,33,531,201,383,0.293,0.61,0.098,-0.9984,2,1,1,0,1,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,17,23,6,2,17,0,40,6,1,3,5,56,67,20,2,5,10,0,3,2,0,3,2,0,3,3,18,16,2,4,12,0,2,7,10,15,0,3,18,7,52,8,41,43,6,69,0,2,0,1,7,18,0,3,38,214,70,1,0.0,0.10642654469864236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303039340402887,0.0,0.0,0.07474061815893189,0.0,0.0,0.0610832812901892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391735461009165,0.07996224813767085,0.0,0.10218756849317116,0.0,0.1381379540884576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528669187255807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273452662814203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737527181913377,0.0,0.0970676444854395,0.10074505777727094,0.07171701534872674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294588558975168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919121976679394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281202279885377,0.0,0.11865557872188008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786493683449778,0.08467790823289788,0.0,0.0908352497966042,0.0641701586326846,0.08624495839795716,0.0,0.0,0.07640409978353836,0.1086153259134764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886182385955488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020124081901767,0.0,0.0884583741381134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913628641483183,0.0,0.09937675401829732,0.0,0.2468241260241895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344522410744481,0.0877667675803518,0.0,0.0,0.07949125866418243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998695040669715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603084674484934,0.0,0.1385553428331159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425499449804432,0.0,0.121733897156983,0.06831506664089387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384677925200732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205278978447688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738038181136032,0.0,0.3052586513500408,0.07670905588651822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741167895340308,0.2029507101616235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988869483930666,0.0,0.0,0.06915076899322901,0.0,0.0,0.12715553151951228,0.19148049233300413,0.0,0.07509673986755833,0.10289288822289262,0.0,0.0,0.09825268571408684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753633779759664,0.0,0.0,0.08269770998387571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882514521464832,0.0,0.052376994787298334,0.0,0.0,0.0858305142434446,0.0,0.06098448108409424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411406285827185,0.05298041932677757,0.2138939143403929,0.07205125444333478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329296597813564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380826821300205,0.0,0.0,0.2892179920244816
ptsd,laminated-papertowel,2020/03/21,"My family wants to know why I have PTSD, should I tell them? I (15FtM) was touched inappropriately by my doctor a couple years ago, and have just recently been diagnosed with PTSD because of it. 

My family knows I have PTSD but they don't know why. They don't know what happened with my doctor and I'm not sure I want them to know. I'm afraid they will see me differently and I really don't want them to want to press charges, I don't want to ruin that doctor's life with a sexual assault charge. 

I'm not currently able to verbalize what happened, and I'm not even sure what exactly happened anyways. I'm going to be working on it in therapy to try to deal with the trauma, and my family wants to know why I have PTSD once I am able to tell them. I did tell them that I would tell them once I could, but at this point I'm not sure I want to. My mom told me that her biggest fear is that I've been sexually assaulted, and as long as it's not that she'll be okay. I'm worried telling my mom would destroy her, and I don't want my family to know for the reasons I've already listed. I'm so torn. What should I do?",3.1851470588235284,3.654297630252106,4.8373004201680665,86.87553046218487,72.69747899159664,8.639075630252101,25.379201680672267,8.841846274778883,1.4999571428571428,868,25,202,16,16,295,104,238,0.198,0.775,0.027000000000000003,-0.9888,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,9,1,4,11,3,2,4,1,25,5,0,1,4,44,54,12,0,13,8,2,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,13,11,0,0,8,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,5,3,37,4,25,40,0,11,0,1,1,0,21,5,0,0,5,121,50,4,0.15839383930326004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702032908024748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739577019173636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827770714040164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323229602982293,0.08762988524504225,0.0,0.0,0.08164854663575838,0.0,0.08038320636434243,0.0,0.08274392483085569,0.0,0.2431842093728054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230881850596341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986392300088288,0.08911855266237335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500943453175092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010072348827816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046718910350937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055939126481113835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008678170997043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855089502377067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868426944228218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486668777746626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703078438537546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073557468186197,0.08142762363021742,0.07819740376840767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310969130259604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392647854384806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461079926052996,0.0,0.0905685797016261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567605063656314,0.0,0.053769509821117306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736991610557232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438870507824034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765630073714732,0.08042831621619367,0.0,0.1125184388997727,0.0,0.0,0.05100021968264373
ptsd,glaazzed,2020/03/21,"Childhood trauma has me hopeless in my adulthood I'm currently going through the process of EMDR, and I've never felt so alone in my whole life. My trauma occurred throughout my first six months of being 14, and have followed me everywhere I go. It's 10 years laters, and I'm still there. This is the first time it's actually finally being handled with, as my parents never knew ""what to do"" following the case and everything that happened to me. And finally, after all the years of self-harm, the inability to identity emotions, and unexplainable behaviour, I know why I acted like I did and I'm done doing it. I survived the best way I could, yet I wished I hadn't needed to survive and could have just lived. I wish that I still didn't have to survive and could just live. I know healing isn't linear, but it's all just so painful.. And at the end of the day, it's so hard to speak to my partner about any of it. And my parents are too closed off to even consider to speak to.. I feel so hopelessly alone with myself and my pain. 

I know I need to push further and stay on the path to a healthy life... but it all feels like it's for nothing. I ache so much",3.592786640079762,4.640557211864412,4.724117647058822,85.91898803589235,72.22033898305084,7.756331006979064,28.71286141575274,8.124751697461798,1.8029090727816561,906,35,190,13,17,298,126,236,0.10800000000000001,0.815,0.077,-0.8116,4,2,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,6,16,9,0,0,10,0,18,5,0,0,5,40,37,21,0,7,5,2,4,2,1,0,5,2,0,1,12,16,0,0,7,0,0,6,5,6,0,3,6,6,27,3,29,26,6,34,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,0,21,136,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.11663210274075188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475687298092907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127618194582871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254265258108294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28627564195856825,0.0,0.0,0.07707907410325371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230817425327185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344414044438857,0.10585726934511648,0.0,0.0,0.07894035979560306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741486500260948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086355109985507,0.08538351867093373,0.11475580195768954,0.26185174980504,0.0,0.2033235079796376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358494058025033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568916917638776,0.0,0.1070644461148368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970515219710461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688378708292732,0.1167806905586725,0.0,0.21107276091222446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539794363864036,0.0,0.08785931274018635,0.17724182389855878,0.18435894431034291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468052359566315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543506675271922,0.0,0.2654206789168721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468309982421087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739004032870854,0.1908940908000381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969177274358235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486764262300937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784619750148076,0.13343732182645487,0.2748790739213821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393105049557626
ptsd,MadeOfMind,2020/03/21,"Flashbacks and Intrusive Thoughts Does anyone else ever have intrusive thoughts that are so vivid they feel like flashbacks?

I keep having things that might be a flashback to a repressed memory, or they might be intrusive thoughts about something that didn't really happen and I don't know how to tell what's real.",14.353749999999998,10.336818303571434,11.344285714285714,63.60071428571432,53.464285714285715,14.771428571428574,47.64285714285714,12.161744961471696,5.687849999999999,259,11,41,5,2,76,41,56,0.044000000000000004,0.907,0.048,0.0516,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,9,0,0,1,1,15,16,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,4,1,3,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489718100203284,0.22698110592816795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386021088979646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505780312759632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038430932501397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201096176999828,0.15825929254281784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589603946583767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690382340994625,0.0,0.0,0.1217457223089721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822714827263707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4700113463688581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521467971736929,0.14191619107995826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054269481088874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362480200873464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717302965096435,0.0,0.0,0.5276042780138736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EconomyFap,2020/03/22,"Lost and alone I’m getting ready to move out of state right now. All of this pandemic bullshit has been pushing me away from everything and everyone I was starting to enjoy. My family is supportive but I can tell they’re disgusted by me moving in with my girlfriend. I’m so scared of the future. I’m so scared of right now. 

I don’t feel like I even have a home to go to anymore. I can’t go back to my parents place because of PTSD and shit. I never felt at home in this city I’m in now. I’m so scared of moving is the right decision but I have no where to stay. I’m so scared and I don’t know where to turn to for support anymore. I just want to curl up in a bed I feel safe in but I haven’t had that in so long and I don’t know when I’ll have it again. I’m breaking down.",-0.9064285714285704,0.9772817142857164,1.6453571428571436,98.85089285714287,89.0,5.1000000000000005,18.464285714285715,6.508806274219699,-0.2182857142857149,600,17,152,7,20,205,92,175,0.20600000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.094,-0.977,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,16,12,2,4,4,0,15,1,1,0,2,21,36,14,0,1,4,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,7,0,1,6,0,0,6,7,7,0,0,5,3,17,5,30,31,1,36,0,1,0,0,3,17,1,0,11,96,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250876292992615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395549019409051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347313423393207,0.09286937613029092,0.0,0.07362399771756098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977148382567786,0.0,0.0,0.11540675208822693,0.1085457830237848,0.0,0.1138569709027469,0.0,0.12213606368960465,0.08628247953611723,0.11596400907562635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310053439463058,0.0,0.13727969704929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229657841971514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275078669888082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900510836391905,0.0,0.0,0.10688305974514282,0.0,0.0,0.1318413948632147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850976844532981,0.0,0.0,0.09314998425552347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410758102724674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618533260439088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411808133896857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094264227699238,0.0,0.0,0.4836718362562017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397494479270893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548595468679641,0.128731267097671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741106044204911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556364652321057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136972963139812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712368808770444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,aj4ever,2020/03/22,"I just sat in my closet for four hours. After a heated argument that led to a lot of triggers, I had a complete breakdown and sat in my closet trapped behind all my suitcases and boxes and cried/panicked/screamed/went into a full catatonic state. Flashbacks, thoughts, and the worst parts of my life came to life until I went numb and couldn’t speak and think anymore. I got tired and passed out from the shaking and tremors during all this. 

Finally took two Valiums and feel a bit calmer but drowsy. The last few weeks I have had a throbbing headache that doesn’t seem to go away. Head feels heavy and my brain at times seems like it’s about to burst into flames. 

I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have insurance and I’m quarantined with my partner, who is bipolar and also a huge trigger for me. 

I feel lost.",4.68641414141414,5.600701030864201,4.575858585858587,88.4868181818182,69.55555555555556,7.619304152637486,28.924803591470265,7.686295010490155,1.5803012345679015,645,23,133,7,11,198,108,162,0.096,0.851,0.053,-0.5423,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,10,0,10,8,2,3,2,34,27,15,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,0,6,1,2,1,6,17,0,0,8,0,0,7,4,4,0,2,10,4,15,1,22,16,8,24,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,3,8,87,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472680627192894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948001427179772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003333755028566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757941717923425,0.0,0.0,0.20202957711555505,0.0,0.20698885269098813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975037062438505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511826063809018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745214012717515,0.0,0.0,0.19825086120615085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285309040226916,0.0,0.14474340417078493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857340553000942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822535397503494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945992713263316,0.14751996603555734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25565804560051875,0.08841595480168991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755717991945584,0.15385971089259395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597986554177865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295083366144866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596240533050772,0.0,0.14367509059291794,0.1055288267172971,0.20800581316336766,0.0,0.0,0.20107150131681215,0.0,0.0,0.1767877003524639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516839646474788,0.0,0.0,0.16776698759840852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,frowning_onion,2020/03/22,"How can I lessen flashbacks and reliving trauma? I was molested and raped, which has left me with pretty severe PTSD. I am a 17 year old female with a boyfriend around the same age. Sometimes a switch will flip and I’m back to being raped. I will come to in a different location and my boyfriend is crying. Apparently I try and attack him, but I have a hard time remembering these episodes. I am afraid I will actually hurt him and he’s afraid of hurting me while he protects himself. How can I make these flashbacks less explosive or violent?",3.912393162393165,6.062754769230772,4.574358974358977,82.84841880341881,73.42307692307692,8.083760683760685,28.863247863247857,8.841846274778883,2.3981465811965808,432,18,82,9,9,138,71,104,0.275,0.679,0.046,-0.9731,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,5,2,6,0,12,2,0,3,0,17,15,11,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,1,15,0,7,10,2,10,0,2,0,2,5,3,0,1,6,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.2083424262917612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005773229157866,0.0,0.24288383566660676,0.0,0.16416613407522432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390889500843152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345166001035961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305908679300945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125151608327096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45710624092186697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319652839776672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425110090321748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240293504581213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172033606090664,0.0,0.0,0.249566749616839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24185065823431676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411910160021618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111541457544167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244919081862587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495055416483738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748516826955226
ptsd,She1Flies2Free3,2020/03/22,"How to deal with those who don’t get it and want you to “cut it out” and “walk it off?” I had a skydiving accident 2 weeks ago and it was no where near as horrible as one I had 3 years ago, but it brought back on some severe PTSD. I was doing the same discipline in skydiving as I was 3 years ago, the only difference was this time It was over water and in a competition. (Which is why competitions in this discipline are held over water). You basically dive your parachute at the ground in order to convert that vertical speed into lift and horizontal speed as you fly fast above the ground. I usually reach vertical speeds of up to 77 mph and horizontally 67mph. The competition is flying through different buoys and courses. 

Ego and complacency are the biggest killers in our sport and even though I told myself I wouldn’t, I let my ego get to me and that is why I crashed smack dab into a buoy. However, when you are going 60 or even 50/40 and all you have is your human body with no safety gear other than optional knee pads and a helmet. 40/50mph is still very fast and a buoy still hurts. I hit it and then am told (but don’t remember) that I did multiple flips into the water. The sound of me hitting the pylon was bad enough that the judges, and assistants on the side were not expecting me to stand up as I did. It was bad enough that some of the judges set off the red smoke and started waving giant flags to let the next contestant know the course was closed. 

As I stood up and the judges closest by helped to pull me ashore. They sat me down and helped me make sure I was okay. I was okay enough to limp, soaking wet, to my onsite trailer home. A friend came to find me there, along with my female mentor (there are almost no females in this skydiving discipline.) I started bawling as I changed and talked about quitting and how much that had scared me. My female mentor was fabulous and shut down the quitting talk. As another friend brought in my BROKEN helmet, she gave me a new audible altimeter bc mine was broken. They all, including my new boss, convinced me to go to the hospital and get checked out. I got my head and abdomen CTed to make sure there was no internal damage and the rest of my body checked for broken bones. There were none, but they guessed my knee has a torn meniscus, and wrapped it up and sent me away with 3 days of meds.

Once I got home, I was feeling so lost and helpless. I was waking up crying and going to sleep that way too. No one (I felt) understood how I felt. I kept being told how much worse it could be, even though I knew it. I felt guilty for being as okay as I was. I played the moments of new trauma in my head over and over. Whenever I did come out I snapped at people who were happy to see me okay and I had two girlfriends take me to the beach with well meaning intentions.

Yet, I fell asleep on the beach and had a dream I was at my funeral and had died in sport, in the dream one of my male mentors shook his head sadly and said something he had actually said in real life to me before,, “I told her not to write checks her body can’t cash.” I then woke up crying. I tried to tell my friends on the beach about it and was met with resentment. 

I was told well that sucks and I don’t know what to tell you, but I’m not going to sit here and tell you what I already have because it’s not like you will listen to me anyways and it’s frustrating. We are not here to have a pity party for you and we aren’t going to let you have a pity party for yourself! We keep telling you how awesome and amazing you are and you can’t hear it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just get over it. Look how okay you are! Exactly! So feel thankful and just be happy! I was so angry and hurt by their reactions, that I got really quiet the rest of the evening. Even though my knee was hurt my one friend was being ugly about me trying to put my leg up as I sat in the back of her truck, and going on about how she didn’t need me to scratch it. I did not want to be there with either of them and it was an hour drive home. I was silent.

When we were driving, I just started bawling out of nowhere. The driving friend actually had the audacity to say, oh why are you crying, what is wrong?! I didn’t answer. I stayed silent and just kept crying silently in the back the rest of the way home. I was refeeling all of the feelings I had when I woke up BALD, in a hospital 3 years before from a similar accident over hard ground and had to have brain surgery to make my brain stop bleeding, and needed a new titanium femur, but unlike this time couldn’t remember the accident. This times accident and the moments right after kept playing over in my head. I was MAD at these “friends” who were just telling me to “get over it.” Like I could just throw some dirt on it and walk it off. 

I was in a lot of pain in my knee and could barely walk and while she drove me to my first dr apt, I got no help, getting to doctors, getting laundry done, ect. I finally went over to hang with a married couple who are friends and will live there year round. They were wonderful and when I told them of the dream and the reaction I got to it and started crying neither of them flinched away or told me to stop crying. Instead they were interested in the symbolism of the dream, and what this male mentor must mean to me. They were also irritated at the others responses to my emotions and explained to me how their own emotional cups must already be overflowing which is why they couldn’t take on any more. These friends let me cry though and understood the need to. They didn’t try to stop it. They said, “you’re feeling a lot and that’s okay.”

I even reached out to some of the community who has acted as friends for a ride and got crickets in return. Except for the couple who explained why they couldn’t. Most of these people were hating on the company that were treating me well and all wrapped up in hating them. They all leave to go back up north soon and I kinda couldn’t wait. I left to go home to get my knee fixed anyways and didn’t have to be around them. By the time I get back they will all be gone. Most of the old staff all just quit and we are going to start over with a brand new team, and I’m optimistic if this corona stuff ends early enough. 

 Before I left, I luckily started feeling better enough to DRIVE MYSELF(on a hurt driving knee and on pain meds) to a laundromat and do my own laundry and go get my own groceries while she left me alone. I also finally started feeling okay enough to come out and talk to other skydivers who were in town for what happened to be the same discipline. I even had a friend find my GoPro with my inside view of the accident and met another woman in the discipline who was in town for a camp and was amazing, and held my hand through watching the crash video and let me cry on her shoulder. She then watched it again with me and slowed it down and showed me how even though I still crashed that I took actions to save my own life, that without I’d probably be dead. She showed me quite a few (as did all the boys in the discipline) crash videos of herself and I felt so much better after being with her. She said a lot of the same things about gratitude but I was not mad at her in the way she presented them for some reason.

I have one friend though who was awesome to me for most of my time (5 mo) there so far but was one of the ones at the beach. Who is reaching out to me now and asking me what is wrong? Idk if I should tell her the truth at why I’m angry or just keep being short. I am just now seeing how most of her problems there with the company were self-made. She was in the marines (although didn’t go to war) and is tough as nails and I respect her but I don’t know how to handle her. Or anyone else who doesn’t “get it” for that matter. After years of treatment and therapy I know it is okay to feel sad, it is okay to feel symptoms of ptsd, this time I know what to expect in them a lot more than the previous and really bad time. However, this time I don’t know how to deal with people that don’t “get it,” because I luckily am so physically okay.",4.395323134455211,4.7508126504504515,4.972339792622812,87.39021800101992,69.94294294294295,8.301036885942546,27.35919882146297,8.214576434517982,1.5029355204260866,6353,194,1393,84,106,2037,525,1665,0.15,0.727,0.12300000000000001,-0.9962,7,1,2,0,0,1,143.0,6,17,21,9,84,75,9,2,87,10,145,35,24,18,14,273,273,146,4,21,33,0,19,2,12,7,8,10,5,5,82,117,3,18,33,17,4,38,36,32,3,9,113,36,206,43,234,126,46,229,0,11,8,0,131,105,1,24,80,1002,288,8,0.0,0.0,0.060940365168860026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303474702121318,0.0,0.031266390041534545,0.032338713879882665,0.06891306267501536,0.049939745802590564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021233434410073897,0.0654823076888495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021832591720578658,0.031992743715265365,0.0,0.0277960370702284,0.02919028513667507,0.0,0.05867207239599213,0.12004689031621188,0.07821236826088714,0.03806779951333518,0.0,0.07970813675208659,0.0,0.0,0.055230294868264654,0.0,0.10404868926731224,0.0,0.06971276424630535,0.0,0.03571201131853747,0.0,0.0,0.033030919815331836,0.05379353317082183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478962373971391,0.06909766640705227,0.2743853472928057,0.02013693834008476,0.06438127839928293,0.0,0.0,0.032405649049474176,0.06524500287983821,0.0,0.031959152838701085,0.0,0.03195305849324559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02608369909804241,0.07024573927845466,0.027655253133903084,0.1935768305441969,0.0,0.16498559965769624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420904255752376,0.0,0.11991999307586007,0.06840887233549177,0.0570764581092235,0.026559173101839733,0.0,0.0,0.2653599804500965,0.0,0.1957594181506517,0.0,0.1951989080051335,0.0,0.14983641932875255,0.0,0.03439682700559051,0.0,0.027611336898893397,0.06647719401051166,0.02797062853845033,0.061654598221511925,0.1281795922607887,0.0,0.03519178970775133,0.0,0.0627864962790521,0.0,0.15660141149617224,0.0,0.030749413679338217,0.0,0.1337040262924357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055506765932349114,0.0,0.0,0.10295957479809202,0.0,0.0,0.03306177564378693,0.1017751115101828,0.15964360596318605,0.0441089599727918,0.030509001210138293,0.0,0.027571420785797284,0.0,0.026220349990059802,0.0,0.03408475458277235,0.1061823313754218,0.0,0.0,0.06252691604091352,0.0,0.0,0.0680243192368178,0.06936579284487482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885983973606162,0.06945674401229178,0.0,0.15078197911969046,0.03320714656117417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03276440297940485,0.033252609385048704,0.1481076381555199,0.023747307873786858,0.0664492116484604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494050402778206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033664822326175084,0.029877212587075118,0.07299852039909285,0.031388808717567475,0.0,0.1328425431117086,0.0,0.03553982093626705,0.040005870195245104,0.032103538411503804,0.0,0.0,0.07074155605968026,0.026665180265728203,0.11880494136927088,0.024830629135278243,0.03126073539819479,0.0,0.04976307323106464,0.0,0.0325735087301053,0.03527430502810013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031246613897674164,0.0,0.0,0.024037810130866862,0.0,0.0349527835782025,0.1547038737080671,0.0332806979985743,0.0748067341359899,0.1044188633425159,0.0,0.0,0.03574408327649563,0.0,0.0,0.05885662207157478,0.032453758238391146,0.046953220869363724,0.07529016029741747,0.16374725047497554,0.028746923277809713,0.03570743867622229,0.0,0.02074388086254425,0.0,0.18406490756551055,0.0,0.14565602370041725,0.0,0.0,0.20885152029392795,0.03469108426617193,0.06359727007688537,0.0,0.030501373740114825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0343888954708899,0.025763123056356932,0.03683352416675187,0.07435262652777883,0.025046060936346853,0.0,0.08422255086546042,0.028945020382018613,0.16904916836889575,0.0,0.0,0.03009888370549382,0.03386116575177155,0.0,0.0,0.03181998901911636,0.0,0.06827722524744287,0.0,0.10053636828530113
ptsd,HiAlexTheGhost,2020/03/22,"One day, just one day I just want one day where I don’t wake up with fucking flashbacks, I’m alone all day can my brain not do this? No one understand except my partner who I’m on a break from and unless I’m having a panic attack I prolly won’t work up the courage to call so I’m fucked time to do some witchy magic and hex my ex (rule of three I won’t do that but I want to)",0.5384236453201972,1.4856980804597733,2.8203612479474565,96.97862068965513,79.6896551724138,5.8909688013136305,18.175697865353037,6.1826913282559595,-0.4632646962233169,291,5,76,2,7,100,55,87,0.13,0.8109999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.6928,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,1,3,0,8,4,2,0,1,14,17,5,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,5,0,0,8,1,11,15,2,10,0,0,0,2,4,4,2,1,5,49,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000703705628812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976371320454025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21564646367086274,0.19725261180339246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49832590506438107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571731517136234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5235997618216348,0.0,0.0,0.226648480590162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264151824613325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110131331984893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22787847582779697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063322911116827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,acutepresence,2020/03/22,"Tfw when you want to put your earplugs in, but they're already in... I thought you guys might relate. 

Hypersensitivity can really grate on the mind.",3.4800000000000004,6.391074777777781,4.0903703703703735,81.7666666666667,79.0,6.562962962962962,23.814814814814817,7.793537801064563,1.1990592592592586,117,4,23,2,3,37,25,27,0.0,0.9540000000000001,0.046,0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,4,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249918156594801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813314292834404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085536893374903,0.3888635365324759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871540834334031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467190798280815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057439300251088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271549936270733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,limitless1221,2020/03/22,"I’m thinking of maybe writing a character that has PTSD and I want to ask y’all how I should do that. I say thinking because I’m not sure if this character will definitively have PTSD. I want to do as much research and get as many opinions as I can before I make that decision. 

Now for the actual questions. What would you like to see in a character that has PTSD? What things would you hate to see? And how should other characters help them when they’re having a tough time?",3.0665625,4.8242541979166695,3.84,88.905,74.72916666666666,7.716666666666668,25.541666666666664,8.472884824447931,1.6077541666666666,377,13,79,7,8,120,62,96,0.078,0.831,0.091,-0.2268,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,1,0,4,4,1,0,4,0,12,0,0,3,1,21,24,10,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,10,2,10,19,1,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,3,4,55,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.17434882773423568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702531994041822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891100178315608,0.0,0.15202862848074625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334378228598288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639223024936432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197537077814818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872854729634613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925860616208685,0.1811357329257534,0.17949049523510266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313374947533621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6265407052935916,0.0,0.2001428889599019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420795910770649,0.0,0.0,0.2847417621554545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838729197211275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869542629164692,0.22895943199293506,0.0,0.0,0.10417954058131568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075954310412806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25383342800461617,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lamplily,2020/03/22,"Remember how far you've come At my lowest low I was suicidal, never left the house, couldnt hold down a job or studying, i lost all my friends, and saw no light at the end of the tunnel. 
Now I have a part time job, and a career I'm working towards. I see my friends and family whenever I can. I exercise, and have hobbies again, and an amazing partner.
I finally went to get help, I got a ptsd diagnosis meds, and a counselor. And it was the best thing I could have ever done.
I now know how to keep my boundaries safe from people who push them, and I'm happy and secure.
I still have more work to do, but I'm so glad about how far I've come.
Just wanted to here to say always remember how well you are doing, even if its early in your journey x",2.2643459915611786,3.313038493670888,4.182974683544305,88.52399789029535,75.45569620253164,7.2919831223628675,24.55907172995781,7.793537801064563,1.1139983122362875,574,18,129,8,12,196,103,158,0.061,0.778,0.161,0.9387,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,4,16,11,0,0,10,0,13,1,0,4,3,31,27,17,1,4,4,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,4,11,0,4,3,1,0,5,3,2,1,0,7,4,18,9,13,18,4,24,0,2,2,0,9,9,0,2,10,90,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810088781106235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156374514328214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652330488778221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291861592308205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754695082441342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635629923954665,0.0,0.0,0.1016842337702272,0.13925893165735515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513280047472518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686475372626931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23788677836199776,0.0,0.08043387414519307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312995010416705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388539485090245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031911759329082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776406188536861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055483807115537,0.13684013573559128,0.0,0.0,0.08460831728646775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726993955454364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805743823394445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100662142464448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873772832695766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671565245976974,0.0,0.10673134150564777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996233922336258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487965465381927,0.0,0.0,0.12242927881666996,0.0,0.0,0.122680281965238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294673728702232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683991460042759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102279260022936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977099331531921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908052263888255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842186742271975,0.14271559336648446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22415863825386295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,leoshi_03,2020/03/22,"tw: rape My ex half brother (I don't call him that anymore hes not my family also I'll just refer to him as M) sexually and mentally abused me for years
About 2 years ago I told my mom about this and then my dad and a couple months ago I told my older sister 
 
My older sister is moving back into with us in a couple months 
Also my mother and father are divorced 

My mother sucks as a mother and constantly defends M and blames the abuse on the fact that he was abused my his uncle 

Anyways my mom sucks 
But that's not what i want to talk about 
My older sister kinda recently found out about my abuse I guess and when I told her I asked her to stop talking about M around me and stop mentioning him but she's visiting right now for spring break and is probably going to get quarantined with us and she keeps fucking talking about him and saying his name which literally is my only fucking trigger word so I have to ask her to stop but I just feel so embarrassed and shameful about my abuse which I know i shouldn't be but I am 

God everything just sucks right now and for some fucking reason my mom wants to move in to and she fucking sucks I actually hate her so much and is the reason I get into really bad depression episodes sometimes 

Also my anxiety has been through the roof lately and I feel like I'm going to break down",2.7516096547314604,4.503370136029414,4.162615089514067,86.2822570332481,75.58088235294117,7.083375959079285,22.855498721227626,7.893859768569023,1.0983511508951405,1055,30,214,16,23,349,136,272,0.22,0.76,0.02,-0.9952,0,1,0,0,6,0,3.0,2,0,0,0,22,15,10,2,7,0,14,5,0,3,1,52,41,30,0,3,9,13,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,22,0,4,7,0,0,5,4,14,0,1,6,3,49,1,32,33,2,38,0,1,0,5,44,10,8,3,22,148,56,0,0.0,0.4882282972920205,0.0804229780070634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461079010604386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977163937513968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304554557102059,0.0,0.08173132558362806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336484025943406,0.154089635207261,0.0,0.0,0.06337033519878175,0.06881122285255399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415265526604945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905892965606703,0.0,0.0,0.18237633103758835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098200039876597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406728613080353,0.0,0.0776914275886006,0.0,0.08334074824634828,0.058875701310998424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903613515479703,0.0,0.3047571216588372,0.08611454458787415,0.0,0.09367415590038876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078696046924647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813655511099022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325225904786015,0.0,0.0,0.04529190461669413,0.0,0.0929651972963664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040262717929924766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830526912290587,0.0,0.0,0.28956253016063604,0.1315621778717832,0.17518346998004994,0.060582870497719724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267862732914603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885490784466597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279573251572322,0.16946811240550907,0.08137267072795766,0.0,0.0,0.14076011524531246,0.0,0.06553794468788167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150833952719137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067023046263805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872079495977696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23624680821932215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982648367738967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721837720457284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614224726897938
ptsd,omghesusingtheforce,2020/03/22,"A Series of Catastrophic Events I recently spent almost 3 weeks in the hospital due to a particularly bad episode. While in there, I lost my job, home, relationship, and my cell got turned off. I have been staying with friends for weeks waiting for admittance to a group home. They called me yesterday to say I was approved and I am all good to move in except that they can't take anyone right now due to coronavirus. Sigh...so I remain homeless, and awake right now because I'm trying to make my meds last...can't even afford the co-pay. Additionally, isolating is a red flag for me. These are tricky times. Stay calm out there if you can friends.",4.249268292682928,6.1735960813008175,4.6525284552845525,83.61391463414637,71.92682926829268,8.172032520325201,26.934146341463407,8.841846274778883,1.9676575609756104,510,18,101,10,10,161,91,123,0.08800000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.115,0.5118,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,2,2,5,6,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,1,1,12,16,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,5,2,14,4,17,11,1,21,0,1,1,0,10,7,0,2,11,58,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487289645430665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210966939931778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581390600965094,0.10645658730821686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832305337342014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534554215831044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698469409177233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647653245009618,0.13967249714231808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35034863162379115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329945027862928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235178557929107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906360072558944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657099844171995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398141412422126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856106094848118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724321479754128,0.1874938890399644,0.0,0.29827666714000023,0.0,0.1388776904497315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722778387463688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313046648554098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183175414827557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185664948864466,0.18995400312018104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801652007086057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Quivoc,2020/03/22,"How do I get over a relationship that caused me to develop PTSD Hi. I am a 21 year old college guy that still is messed up from his high school relationship. Please know that I don't really post on forums often, so I don't really know what to open up about or how to even write this post.

 Thinking about asking for help kind of makes me feel weak, but I don't know what else to do. I am struggling more and more recently to cope with the break up. I honestly don't know how to move on. I'm not just heart broken over it, I am messed up from it. I haven't spoken to her in about a year and a half now, but it still hurts me down to my core. We dated for five years. Started freshman year in high school, then she broke up with me a year after we graduated. 

​

I thought I would have moved on by now but honestly I am just falling deeper into a depression that is causing me to fail in every aspect of my life, I can't wake up earlier than 3 or 4 in the afternoon, I always think about her every day. I have nightmares about her. Even if someone brings her up in a conversation it makes me feel sick, causes me to start shaking, and sometimes i'll collapse to the floor and lay there because i'm to weak to stand. The nightmares have been happening more and more. Sometimes i'll have 3-4 a week. 

She put me through hell but for some reason even though I have all these problems when I think about her... I still would take her back if she gave me the chance. Is that messed up? I mean she was the only person I've ever been with and dated. I gave her my everything, even when I was getting cheated on. I don't know... I don't even know what I should say. So much happened in our relationship that caused me to feel this way. But I don't know how to get better. My other friends have been in plenty of relationships, and always seem to move on pretty quick after break ups. 

​

I just don't know how to cope with it. It feels like I never will. Any advice or even just conversation would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to ask questions if you have any.",3.0601232394366207,4.2400568051643255,4.088729460093898,89.4594322183099,73.67136150234742,7.109037558685447,23.40639671361502,7.531066641456977,0.7827044600938966,1613,43,357,19,32,523,187,426,0.138,0.767,0.095,-0.9663,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,3,1,0,2,36,22,2,2,14,0,37,6,2,12,3,74,73,29,0,8,16,0,5,1,1,5,4,1,0,2,19,15,0,0,21,0,1,7,12,14,0,2,8,6,57,9,66,59,7,70,1,4,0,0,34,29,1,10,29,253,76,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901502891991941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753318231484935,0.15304674713221786,0.17163693703373872,0.0960563695232305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205178029262413,0.0,0.0,0.05430712824703442,0.0,0.0430530283793178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624630654453387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902099281878572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554800586908347,0.0,0.060830175298819275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899906229737415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27988732452554804,0.06388537067594634,0.1190111075526414,0.0,0.06347420436072855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855344653854904,0.0504553155936589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054565566580519725,0.0,0.11069770111359338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786554872151193,0.0,0.06993096449926145,0.1249088926910568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369229449726705,0.047339200771561035,0.1492407508507752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560672421295099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354623771334283,0.31051415648734576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049885318557106734,0.034504355694754664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428696957166896,0.0,0.0,0.07693255150092353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22519317140561626,0.051918325938670316,0.0,0.05447121916784329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741102343364809,0.0,0.0,0.053714348236198806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616680054623273,0.0,0.07752627321451235,0.0,0.0,0.1352806038245266,0.07185215651651032,0.0,0.06757966038754945,0.08255815704003132,0.07099875957038282,0.07911742006987907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048980434247808,0.07261541607220151,0.0697347749726256,0.3033040953084619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056164726855985794,0.0,0.1429548118131641,0.0,0.0642953688417098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984128389132914,0.0,0.13970208091912076,0.0,0.09997906517607792,0.0,0.16920633653083395,0.0,0.0,0.07383375717989653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310205413583119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357631014577928,0.06938980617357422,0.056069251770376034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605972818498792,0.056652014882285565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051231189564365,0.0,0.17163693703373872,0.22740453466055344
ptsd,existentialisttrash,2020/03/22,"Assault question Possibly triggering, NSFW

Is it possible for assault to cause a turn on in the mind? I was assaulted at night for years by my step dad grabbing my breasts and now I’ll wake up and see that I’m doing similar things, grabbing them and stimulating them when I’m not fully awake. Is it possible for assault to cause your brain to do it as well? Has this happened to anyone else? I’ve heard that this could possibly be because children start to repeat the situation physically. This is a cross post from another assault group I shared it in",4.923679245283019,6.5950035849056645,5.8303301886792465,76.86172169811323,69.75471698113208,9.450943396226416,34.00471698113208,9.827888789773867,3.5723811320754724,444,22,80,11,8,146,72,106,0.16399999999999998,0.772,0.063,-0.9292,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,0,3,7,5,0,4,0,9,3,3,4,0,11,16,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,2,4,7,2,16,12,0,14,0,0,1,1,9,5,0,1,6,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652833103999127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021490114043256,0.16150519969947527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608659415458626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596136816845995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32384810824148713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585054937283222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167526577973027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393870597505982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591560795939732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792016482121645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7107929591119542,0.15096095403731308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657581171373218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560653052097948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771768408730562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156762045737596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471889035415118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145048199792384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417235943436242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150518118413196
ptsd,Newnhtime,2020/03/22,"Do I have PTSD? I was recently in a major car accident. I crashed into a jersey barrier, which tore my car to shreds. I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. By some miracle I have no broken bones, no missing teeth, no missing limbs, no gashes. Only bruises up and down my body. I might be willing to share pictures to highlight the extent of the damage, and just how incredible it is that I'm in one peice. I don't remember the actual crash, but I remember some of the events leading up to it.

I was doing deliveries for a courier service, shit's been busy since the COVID19 outbreak. My wife called me at about 10:30pm to check in, see what time I was coming home. I was aiming for about 2am, but I started to feel unwell almost as soon as I got off the phone. I decided it would be wise for me to rest my eyes for a bit to wait for this feeling of illness to pass. I started to drive towards a shopping plaza about 8 minutes up the road to rest in their parking lot, and then- BANG!! Everything goes blank. I come to in my car with EMTs and cops trying to pull me out. I remember hitting the gas to try to get away from them, not really understanding the situation in that moment.

The next thing I remember is one of the EMTs and a cop asking me questions to determine whether or not I was drunk or on drugs. As an addict in recovery (3.5 years clean) I immediately thought I must have relapsed. Again, I'm in the moment completely dazed. I just figured if this officer is that angry with me, I must have done something to draw his ire. They start asking me the same questions repeatedly, I think in an attempt to get me to tell an inconsistent story. To further complicate things, I live in a different state. They kept asking what I was doing in this state, and I couldn't remember at all. They start asking me if I take any medications, which I do. It slowly dawns on me that I know exactly what happened. I had a siezure behind the wheel.

You see, when they started asking me about which medications I have prescribed, everything came back to me. I was doing deliveries, I knew why I was driving between cities, etc. What I failed to mention earlier in this post was that I'm in the middle of trying to get a diagnosis for a siezure disorder. I experienced a grand mal siezure for the first time in my life back in July, 2019. I had been given prescriptions to prevent them (non narcotic) and I've had no incidents since. However,  as I was remembering the events leading up to the crash, I realized that the feeling of illness I had experienced was similar to the way I felt the night I had my first siezure. I've been working 16 hour days between two jobs and I guess I had something snap in my head.

Ever since this crash, I wake up in cold sweats, reliving the moment where I came to right after the accident. I've been avoiding getting into cars as a passenger- I just feel a sense of impending doom that would sound crazy if I were to try and explain it. Am I experiencing PTSD? What are some things I can do on my own to begin some kind of healing? With this outbreak I feel like seeking medical treatment is too much of a luxury. Am I wrong? Should I try to seek an appointment with behavioral health? Any feedback at all, really... Thank you in advance!.",4.166995013297871,5.481473254687503,5.410950797872342,80.52216090425534,71.140625,8.759308510638299,30.49202127659575,9.195540489509971,2.6432972074468086,2553,108,499,53,47,851,298,640,0.114,0.841,0.045,-0.9911,3,1,3,0,0,0,81.0,0,2,7,8,16,15,1,1,42,0,54,20,9,3,6,83,101,25,0,9,13,1,6,1,0,7,10,1,2,0,29,20,1,5,23,2,2,15,10,9,0,5,32,14,84,6,101,58,16,90,1,5,3,0,24,41,1,15,31,365,113,7,0.0,0.0,0.06739615304434562,0.07528956507632184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915726226925348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393129110356363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32282591661999416,0.0,0.06488756606023438,0.10621135688741767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539961085906846,0.07671413811948133,0.0,0.0,0.07052170130905377,0.15798081771754355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898442631024392,0.07241191572330609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044540336259960456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215680751639651,0.0791529183026897,0.0,0.0,0.07067608520160734,0.0,0.0,0.08009189965614892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702421812496707,0.0,0.06247201908635664,0.0,0.0,0.12413989820701612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460326522439426,0.04933908037825618,0.06631192793169736,0.0,0.0,0.1174909989556495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433161194002928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523650441277381,0.0,0.07608138909850985,0.0,0.0610727514428387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087922260748357,0.07341142297645141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692764650616156,0.0,0.06801377657039533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853500900963352,0.0,0.0,0.07191915641318483,0.037955572037490656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878169352474198,0.03374100744377063,0.0,0.060984462097682775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871543956254584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872306345868671,0.0,0.07326561121493495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050769724189664835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344996786945822,0.06481155048161574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359862379282824,0.05252601264919109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614387906589766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146340571460938,0.0,0.15473417229555944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848787639784997,0.0,0.06819201558946139,0.0,0.4694138663838813,0.05897997378796147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006956358547036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089283709628308,0.17139047758847853,0.07763042841587099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633713309343007,0.0,0.0,0.24441801001663804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192726448008903,0.0,0.060364668109129924,0.06358452350644381,0.0,0.0,0.13764844685178548,0.044253193784199486,0.0,0.054828818079872256,0.08054313128862227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234448400794649,0.0,0.06746514389782471,0.07189768805158563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054819505187079405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062319195669623274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027915466787735,0.0,0.0,0.09812166094771356,0.07551025185801326,0.0,0.04447472176908585
ptsd,orchidlady88,2020/03/22,"NSFW I won’t get tested if I get Covid19. I can’t. I won’t. I had a NG tube put in when I was awake a year and a half ago. For those who don’t know it’s a tube stuck down your nose into your stomach to help empty your stomach during bowls obstructions. I have Crohns and developed an obstruction and in the ER the has to put it in. It hurt sooooo bad, it fells like you are suffocating.  I definitely have ptsd from it because I have a full blown panic attack while getting a mold for my crown at the dentist. There is no way I could handle a swab up my nose into my throat. I will just self isolate and call my doctor. I’m not getting the test done.",0.910615384615383,2.6192693142857166,2.8542857142857163,93.77994505494509,80.85714285714286,5.736263736263738,20.05494505494506,6.67199483983844,0.06490109890109919,504,13,118,5,13,169,91,140,0.157,0.784,0.059000000000000004,-0.9042,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,1,3,5,1,1,12,0,15,7,5,0,0,11,22,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,4,1,1,4,2,19,1,13,14,1,17,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,1,5,79,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752244001376905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066369763189002,0.0,0.0,0.17663176756340448,0.12895625458228713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160117438494913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890197458902248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652591966909232,0.0,0.2164846299715464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420954487632468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179457883041865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264639757704444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162599476818174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033505108622762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482032206595931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24728552480208635,0.4253235815849458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068823195132944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791507709850145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622845206838174
ptsd,Director-Daredevil,2020/03/22,"Questions for a short film Questionsfor a short film

Hello Reddit! I will rightfully apologize if this blog/post is coming off as offensive or any way shape or form, and I want to express with my utmost gratitude for this place as a sanctuary and safe for people to come and talk with each other.

I for one, even deal with PTSD from a traumatic instance in my life, not to some extreme but it was there. But I will say again, as this is my first time on Reddit and I know that different places have different rules. I’m simply here to ask a few questions.

Some background information, I own a small film and tv studio called Daredevil studios, set up in Grand Rapids Michigan. As we enter gen 6 of our studio, I had an idea for a short film. Detailing the struggle of what it’s like to have PTSD, and also LIVE with someone who has PTSD. I know this is a touchy subject, and will be difficult to implement as it’s a controversial topic. That’s why I’m gathering as much information as I can for this.

So, my few questions are. With your PTSD, in what way has it changed your daily life? Do you have any instances of with family or friends caused by it? Are you afraid of going into certain places any more, or does the sight of something or even sound trigger something?

Any information, stories, or tips. Would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.",4.0494851994852015,5.909886664092668,4.710347490347491,83.25875160875162,72.32046332046332,8.022136422136422,27.77734877734877,8.704169506293173,2.1088321750321746,1062,40,204,20,21,340,147,259,0.049,0.831,0.121,0.9577,2,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,2,5,0,1,7,11,1,2,12,0,20,2,0,2,1,45,30,25,0,3,10,0,0,1,1,4,2,2,3,0,16,18,0,1,9,5,0,4,1,4,0,2,2,3,20,7,39,22,9,26,0,0,1,0,24,16,0,12,4,142,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466124843625251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28797087960393875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897070728593503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081013372569516,0.0,0.0,0.10875386076016784,0.11199251672677447,0.1823889009784464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091435152023238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121551919262905,0.0,0.0,0.09264431974505538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984739626267534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980133353103664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004982769133954,0.0,0.0,0.08179204711916271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016626265228225,0.0,0.0,0.116717978555052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951017589069535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636270871073096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495530086710025,0.051720930683220666,0.0,0.0934818897202218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778239176763135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173775029244837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339436830942399,0.0,0.3318232787889435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139065912562796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950081961102701,0.0,0.35578348155258005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040924877744043,0.0,0.08418913746017477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970017940688202,0.1630021124574663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106744513929208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850913284039221,0.0,0.09746747302323236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173149567822805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244269149047869,0.16806349559031053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552787671897836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520438790774943,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mythicalsophie,2020/03/22,"It’s too difficult I am finding life too difficult. I wish anyone understood how many hours every day I lose to flashbacks and suicidal thoughts. I really am running out of energy. I wish anyone understood or cared, and didn’t sweep it off with “oh that’s just how you are though and the nature of your illness.”
I’m having issues at university and I already am retaking my first year; this is my last chance. I just want to die and that’s all I can think of. I know that’s so morbid and I feel so ashamed that it’s how I feel.",1.0442354740061184,3.328469440366977,3.1084633027522948,88.95486620795107,83.95412844036696,6.936085626911316,21.92737003058104,8.07648339933343,1.2673113149847093,415,14,88,9,12,140,68,109,0.19899999999999998,0.682,0.11900000000000001,-0.904,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,2,0,2,10,5,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,3,1,26,20,13,2,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,8,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,4,2,15,1,9,16,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,60,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230978744548158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28272171444017585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612417408092545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038190343931322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981889768447445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703356100564941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204444851370738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477826976907405,0.17196435149721462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909516617897624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101130145441047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110647435377936,0.16479424221920924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427975311552964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261747449908689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049670423858436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951426420219625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113943400355204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954135786441046,0.1986294423997286,0.16049913998983184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924416984679605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649674025079217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301898316470506
ptsd,Blu7520,2020/03/22,"Am I Who I Am I’ve really been struggling with the direction I should take in life...
Should I continue digging through all my trauma to figure out who I once was?
OR
Do I create the person I want to become and stop looking back?",0.4247517730496462,2.8155715106382995,2.77989361702128,89.0841666666667,89.2127659574468,5.686524822695036,20.599290780141846,7.1686216300943375,0.8209035460992902,179,6,36,3,6,61,35,47,0.184,0.742,0.07400000000000001,-0.7217,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,10,10,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,8,0,6,6,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714007940318564,0.0,0.0,0.3898113338730633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493027251476917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963935087510713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758858129086671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30818690269726123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22611216559473465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950863861239436,0.0,0.3689854531402781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653784157326383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081821461496454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,panickedbunny,2020/03/22,"After getting my abusive ex arrested and out of my life, I feel numb everyday and can't cope. Hello everyone. I hope you are all safe and healthy during this difficult time. 

I came to Canada from my country in Asia to study. I ended up in a year relationship with a man who ended up being abusive. If I'm honest, he was rude from the start but the emotional abuse soon turned into physical. I stayed because he was abandoned by his family and I treat others how I expect to be treated. I am not perfect, I have my flaws but I wouldn't do the things he did to me.

One night the abuse was too much. He broke bones and bit me, punched me, tried to strangle me and stab me. I called a friend (he isolated me from them, he always thought everyone was plotting against him but this friend listened) and she took me to the police and also our college security. He was arrested, fined and there is a no contact order placed against him.

I had PTSD from abuse back in my country already and so after this happened, it just went very south. I dissociate everyday. I can't sleep. My only friend that I have is moving back to her city because of the virus. I am basically alone most of the time except when I can call my sister or mom on the phone but time zones make it tricky to do so. 

I'm going crazy. I've started to feel suicidal again. I know I deserve better. I never say it but I think I have to right to say that I treated him like a God, and I lost myself on the way. He's out of my life and I feel lost. I am insecure a lot because of how he would insult my appearance and my hobbies. I have so bad anxiety that I cannot complete my assignments. I don't know what to do. The court gave me free therapy sessions but they are sparse now because of the virus. I feel alone and empty, I really don't like it.

And my flashbacks are going crrrrazy! I remember doing things with him in my apartment and now when I even cook I feel low because he isn't sitting across from me, eating the food I made for him. I am sorry if this came across whiny, I just don't know where to go from here. I am smoking everyday now and I barely eat in fear of getting fat like he would insult me about. I am just asking for help, and a sign that there is hope. I know I didn't deserve any of that. It was not my fault as I tried my best to change for him. I should've been stronger for sure. I just want my normal life back (somewhat normal haha) and to be happy on my own again. I have tried to talk to some people but they get annoyed by having to listen to me talk about it, so I just shut myself in my room and cry because I am too afraid to die so I know I would not kill myself. This is a cry for help. 

Thank you, and I apologize for spreading this negative message. Please stay home and be safe!",2.1633282784517647,3.6879474974003483,3.679407495667245,90.093472884171,76.62564991334489,6.6107596764875804,23.80592865395725,7.333567415737692,0.8660618428653954,2154,68,471,26,48,713,255,577,0.201,0.6509999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9908,0,2,0,0,3,1,59.0,1,2,3,5,33,41,5,3,20,1,50,11,3,4,4,88,91,43,3,12,19,3,5,3,3,4,5,4,2,1,22,29,5,4,13,1,1,9,15,17,0,1,19,9,98,25,68,64,9,64,0,5,0,0,54,24,0,10,29,336,120,3,0.0,0.4154236016160118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452533151276841,0.07738287649848995,0.056077629288255784,0.058348256763402474,0.0,0.0,0.0476862925202495,0.0,0.053644181937481134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555587988707919,0.0,0.0,0.16176161662427732,0.058550080336519636,0.2564793129745225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359014481758391,0.0620184174213986,0.07655655228616591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320759091627633,0.1604048959139919,0.0,0.0,0.07418122165764789,0.0,0.07352301356799353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540544464166766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277698134168173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350741648439613,0.0,0.0788793467613587,0.1242169745313716,0.0,0.0,0.046315820929874116,0.0,0.0,0.1340117597786523,0.0,0.0,0.06610606726926711,0.07890828056400237,0.17728240041545193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847934507494142,0.0,0.1625314124866566,0.0,0.10990969121199892,0.0,0.119558172186004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062009859677297816,0.07464762549214961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400442622897748,0.0,0.07033945214390255,0.13929664674346104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758111322337458,0.0,0.192689836335542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859061850789915,0.1027762015397563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309587192770482,0.0596163768971843,0.0,0.06635242304035201,0.04680789034770983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212763703618188,0.0,0.07453003896574048,0.051548741435087,0.0,0.05408346170202079,0.0,0.0,0.06580602733437765,0.13741201729952893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047517406619659024,0.0533319786129635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861471161744859,0.0,0.07326399094760616,0.07697439661443674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819704605969211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04492282293608831,0.0,0.0,0.0752862505800361,0.0794361022915605,0.05988497017013057,0.0,0.11152982805691936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017400679585108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849736551880478,0.09926735668964726,0.1494843527795156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670357932481614,0.0,0.06609044120359803,0.0,0.0,0.11272500838381425,0.0,0.06456017269784821,0.08019217866401107,0.0,0.09317369500500396,0.04493222054026602,0.0,0.055670118589419434,0.12266849334237635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790963817781857,0.14282748451361393,0.07627408418915807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785911965884116,0.04136057723978191,0.05566066279838938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500506146507648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494408786961056,0.0,0.0,0.04515714767933973
ptsd,Memoryknitter,2020/03/23,"As someone with trauma what has been your response to COVID-19? During therapy today , my therapist, told me that all of her clients with trauma have been having very similar responses to the pandemic. Unfortunately, the video cut out and I couldn’t hear what she said the response was from others so I thought I would check in, to ask, and see what the general consensus was.

My response:
I feel an odd sense of calm. I don’t really feel dissociated, but there have been moments when seeing the empty shelves at the store have left me disassociated. In part, I feel at home with the crisis as if it’s something my body and mind know. Yet, there is moments of anxiety where I feel like I’m bracing myself for “just another trauma.” I feel like I’ve already been isolated from the world mentally at least so quarantine doesn’t seem to impact me in many ways apart from feeling trapped from the lack of freedom which is probably a trauma related feeling for me. My nightmares are somewhat weirder containing more stress elements, but not much else is very different. 

Some things I have been thinking about with COVID-19 in relation to trauma: When I step outside I think about how it’s not safe and the perceived threat that the whole world is feeling right now seems to represent the perceived threat that those with trauma seem to experience in a regular basis.

And

Lastly, thinking about how scary/sad it would be to get the virus and spread it to others...kind of represents how I sometimes feel contaminated and shameful for my trauma and the way it seems to change my perception of myself and others. 

TL;DR
As a community that already faces the challenge of trauma and PTSD: How are you holding up in the pandemic and how is your trauma/PTSD effecting your response to the COVID-19 pandemic?",8.381350894967916,8.387444644376902,7.857482269503546,71.28305555555556,61.52279635258358,11.201688618709895,38.034616683552855,10.746095033038511,4.180527727119216,1444,65,246,32,18,455,171,329,0.201,0.743,0.055999999999999994,-0.9949,1,2,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,4,0,2,18,18,3,2,21,0,26,2,2,6,1,62,52,26,0,5,6,0,9,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,17,17,0,3,22,1,2,1,5,13,0,0,10,13,30,5,47,38,9,28,0,0,2,0,10,17,0,7,10,181,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293454390071168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896387434499503,0.07949464412110176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971464407406294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542607159333446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992822712844934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856899437965488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680759769423117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164875032884284,0.0,0.0,0.4728826403484709,0.1484737067688869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429126684257344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711968887571375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423515680357406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821141839788703,0.05710893301756071,0.08470454485496297,0.0,0.0,0.1129038855781582,0.0,0.0,0.10153518077124506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535343833473464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472181773915122,0.0,0.1049244658529594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638943697657119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125297528027626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203788013172188,0.0,0.24294200631819746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665705709965253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874279036308957,0.09884690353643512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656135053863977,0.3784010317914329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804679083477526,0.07999879708193729,0.10277453204551784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903421185270725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883578934283776,0.12065325374671555,0.06903646824648225,0.199753491566826,0.0,0.08249685437654805,0.0,0.0,0.09849921198201513,0.0992951776584289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148141551679294,0.0,0.1649656839155212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601731868911044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763638279775607,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,infinite-philautia,2020/03/23,"Dealing with amnesia from trauma (+ venting) (tw: slight mentions of family separation, fighting, & manipulation) TLDR; I can remember a lot about my childhood, but there is a huge gap between the ages of 4 and 5 when my trauma occurred. I know this is normal, but I just realized how much I was missing last night and it feels like I’m missing a complete part of my person. Does anyone have any advice as to how to process this realization? I know there is no one specific thing that helps everyone, but anything is useful.


When I was younger, my parents would argue a lot. My dad would never listen to my mom, he always seemed to treat her like she didn’t know anything. Anytime my mom would try to call him out on how he treated her, he would make himself cry and play the victim. It all came to a head, when my dad was afraid that my mom was going to leave and take me with her. He called his dad (who did not like my mom because she was “too dark” and had different (more progressive) beliefs) and they called the cops on my mom. I was four, I had been at my cousin’s house. I would be picked up and brought to my grandparent’s where my parents were waiting for me. Not even a mile away from my grandparent’s house, the cops pulled us over. I remember them asking my parents to step out of the car and after a long time I remember only my dad getting back in. Everything after that starts to blur. I know I was brought back to my grandparent’s house and I remember crying and screaming and I didn’t want anyone near me, I just wanted my mom. I found out from my mom yesterday that this occurred right after Christmas. After she was taken (she was not arrested), they just brought her to the station and her brother picked her up. I had no idea of this at the time. There is a whole section of my life after that moment I can’t remember. My mom was gone for 3 months after that. The only memory I have of those 3 months is when I got to visit my mom again in secret after my dad realized I wasn’t doing well. I turned 5 during those 3 months, I have no memory of this. I don’t remember school, or my grandparents, or my dad, or any of my dance classes (which I loved). After those 3 months, my dad let her come back, but she was locked in the house and my grandparents could not know she was there until 3 months later. I also have very little memory of this period. After this all took place, my dad told me not to talk about it. I still had no idea why any of it happened. It wouldn’t be until several years later I would ask my mom and find out many of the details I had missed out on or just could not remember. Apparently DHS had gotten involved, and the case worker (who talked to me at school at one point and I do vaguely remember that) who was in charge of the case closed it after looking into the situation and realizing that my mom had not done anything wrong. I know my dad was frustrated and said some things to the case worker because I’ve been told that the worker told him he needed to “grow up” and that my grandfather should “mind his own business.” There is so much more to this. My dad has constantly made me feel like I was wrong for feeling how I do about all of this and even has tried to make it out as though he had “no other choice.” 
I could go on, but my main thing is this. I thought I remembered a lot from my childhood, and I do. I can tell you all about every birthday I’ve had starting with my 3rd, except my 5th. I can tell you about the only time I had to write lines for a teacher when I spoke too much in class in 2nd grade. I can tell you about sitting in the loft in my 1st grade classroom with two girls that were new that year and what their names were (Elvia & Sky). I can remember so much, but I realized last night that I’m missing and entire portion of my childhood. I’m not really sure how to process this. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this realization?",5.139373239247668,5.082654944514502,5.706732311985192,84.19961229910656,68.28121059268601,8.917914732633951,28.47385366638941,8.593345894127513,1.827934259880336,3053,92,648,43,47,989,299,793,0.075,0.87,0.054000000000000006,-0.94,10,0,0,0,2,0,88.0,1,3,4,4,40,24,4,1,27,0,75,3,1,12,6,134,130,51,0,15,23,26,3,4,0,8,1,4,1,2,44,38,0,1,31,2,0,15,20,14,1,4,52,8,118,10,101,64,20,106,1,4,1,1,91,39,0,10,55,469,162,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04089309080569497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03346559277452223,0.03482064104226017,0.0906839369038886,0.0,0.11383149157082008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778266032287932,0.0,0.10331128113758586,0.0,0.07824390610378179,0.0,0.03931729428105549,0.09653490094364917,0.0,0.05101994236700121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281935501014884,0.047862623597227365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03604809047514399,0.04387652015341953,0.04522250001007372,0.0,0.10023595641542782,0.0,0.09193547292065474,0.0,0.08628628802919464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043721942550134715,0.0,0.0,0.07324241337629606,0.04282472913107923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055280025990024205,0.0,0.03525849444824212,0.03998727332691215,0.03761001688131355,0.0,0.03945028980784284,0.0,0.06347836768808426,0.05979201442038315,0.0,0.0,0.0382480421835921,0.0,0.0,0.04588384609010382,0.0,0.0,0.021863697489583167,0.0,0.047566027713430915,0.0,0.03346943075408065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03700578534264677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294781608981816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02804963304538641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931465215995168,0.0,0.09448192538245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799041813513488,0.0682229261686521,0.0,0.044310674886943305,0.0,0.0427921113362426,0.029558270039904338,0.08177869502915497,0.041942391947124034,0.0,0.03703390006832807,0.035141530701474716,0.0,0.0,0.10673226118448452,0.0377691855803595,0.03959730818250347,0.05586733308424671,0.04242700233754409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042254250344114175,0.5391267606383028,0.16701218544587376,0.0,0.12305150633513305,0.031029541342986636,0.032275528194187546,0.04041677209093298,0.0,0.07854246839006697,0.04100186359192889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671417282855527,0.09548119102610224,0.0,0.0,0.13940076470520288,0.04531698405548856,0.0,0.0,0.03653979990507825,0.043721942550134715,0.0,0.039559605476976525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02680870995693012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740528950002161,0.035737709501348566,0.039806748348113985,0.0,0.0,0.08470421866185,0.0,0.038096576898931485,0.0,0.047275992638850996,0.0,0.0,0.04703857124734612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059240038798764064,0.0,0.033419629477530965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944096459996607,0.0,0.03146426446137046,0.0672711966243441,0.1097302101617618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340526268434867,0.0,0.04111515548501863,0.03322240155421553,0.07320519602136419,0.0,0.0,0.11996181998073645,0.04649433753818274,0.056823686431444885,0.04551828372777815,0.04087912488322032,0.0,0.050337633843289785,0.03614297901424508,0.0,0.03452873741937313,0.04936571864373001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03762611048437728,0.0,0.0377610427431774,0.046721465659043726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836444421012715,0.09150778720170108,0.0,0.053897097087598704
ptsd,Lolli_bot,2020/03/23,"Terrified to leave room when family is talking outside? Anyone else have this? Or when there are occasional guests, but I’m only genuinely terrified when its family. Guests only scare me a tiny bit, but I think thats normal. 

To preface, I very much doubt I have PTSD- But I’ve been desperate to find a group that this might apply to, to see what it may be. 

The ‘traumatic event’ that this may have stemmed from, is not actually a traumatic event at all- but a very very stressful and horrifying beginning to life, that involved the police more than I can count on two hands. However, this was occurring more than 3-4 years ago, and only in the past year or so have I developed this fear. (Or at least to this caliber.) 

Sometimes When my immediate family is talking normally: I get nervous. Have to put on white noise to calm down. Am essentially paralyzed. 

Most times When my immediate family is talking aggressively: cover my ears, white noise, often have to also chant something to myself to lessen the noise. Am still paralyzed. 

When my immediate family is yelling (doesn’t matter over what or why, has even been friendly yelling) I often begin to cry. I cover my ears, if using white noise I often hear things that aren’t there among the static (more yelling) and sometimes I can’t help but to hit my own arms to calm myself down. Its an impulse. I shake.

Once the talking stops I calm down almost immediately, the only thing lingering is shakiness and a fast heart beat for a bit longer. Aside from that, I am okay. However—

When my immediate family is home at all: I am fairly calm, but at times, I still find it very hard to leave my room out of anxiety. Sometimes it’s okay though. 


When I’m in the same room as them, I can get tense, But I am NEVER even CLOSE to as scared as I am when they are in a separate room. It’s so odd and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve found I’m only ever productive when I’m home alone, which is a huge huge road block for me. 

It may also be a form of misophonia, (or perhaps a merge) since I have a similar reaction to my family eating at times, but seems different.

I can’t go to a therapist or the like. I understand this is Reddit, the furthest thing from a therapist you can get, but doing nothing seems worse.",3.860913557296509,5.368156148984202,5.207046209002787,80.93746082857523,72.16027088036118,9.094383216040367,26.347696189085113,9.5536054971066,2.3255943964944894,1766,59,350,43,34,590,205,443,0.158,0.753,0.08900000000000001,-0.9869,4,1,1,0,3,0,64.0,0,1,2,1,26,17,1,8,24,2,43,7,5,2,4,56,63,40,0,3,17,0,2,1,3,4,1,6,6,0,27,8,1,2,8,0,0,3,7,9,0,1,4,12,38,8,49,52,13,54,0,0,4,0,15,24,0,20,28,242,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.07335550088119573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663405490932789,0.0,0.07527233208689685,0.0778539002166877,0.0,0.12022753907292187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750517685734397,0.0,0.0,0.0525609157989118,0.0770209936646797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164133291619031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257119287582505,0.0,0.07749741753704446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853710513522216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691812110112323,0.06279525260045588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929872644789356,0.06799596184850472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960479714025864,0.08458763775408487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374088311261426,0.0,0.0,0.08242050179391522,0.058076491443885714,0.0,0.11782034888421002,0.0,0.04272109038969387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673379445861392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472254321957809,0.08907732714764742,0.05038515790930079,0.0,0.15080415021699287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04131170507922672,0.0,0.0,0.15918927335939204,0.0,0.0,0.05309510114005907,0.036724477428932464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079743952217899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525891878550593,0.0,0.05797607341382695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730213178277166,0.07212805953071702,0.0,0.0,0.08005405974473677,0.0,0.2858525148043816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175868571096089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787021562184398,0.07556704916884165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051743760937494,0.0,0.05990110417188128,0.13686468124203868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218176044112255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057869873189990435,0.22303644630592603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006241263628085,0.0628458493866182,0.08610747906785661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24167659228773386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455733708422613,0.1498196901192198,0.04816617935888138,0.07385457051171129,0.0,0.13149745507720384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343059209018284,0.0782550736353417,0.0,0.06492312045575267,0.0,0.24809392471821284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782962537714153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660509503228803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681459087958508
ptsd,trulysorryabtallthis,2020/03/23,"Sometimes I feel like there's a balloon inflating inside my skull and I can't think/process things very well. Is this a thing? I don't know what it is. It doesn't hurt but it definitely comes on when I'm stressed. It reminds me of when my ex and I got into long arguments and I would get these headaches before I got a panic attack.

Can anyone relate?",0.5622678843226794,2.943210493150687,2.121278538812785,94.3008523592085,87.9041095890411,4.888280060882801,20.439878234398783,6.42735559955562,0.18775312024353186,278,9,60,3,9,90,54,73,0.21,0.6709999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.8666,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,2,3,0,7,1,1,0,0,9,14,6,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,2,1,9,2,3,11,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,39,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882544401695282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746809616007528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054537203089075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798531935731104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122082921285299,0.17248987464142046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614615766785442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862146456215066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584741414872723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269302574142464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795886951342745,0.0,0.0,0.21367310809622544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832861789876649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23879738082456065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765768664006485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208134830784059,0.154709568759677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992191648577017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708996238407324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715171104398811,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Colourmeinsane,2020/03/23,"Dissociation is ruining my life. Tw domestic abuse In May of 2019 I began to date a guy long distance but we met a few times. We dated for 9 months and he abused me in many ways. He belittled me, physically hurt me, manipulated me with his mental health, and coerced me into things. It has added to my ptsd causing moderate ptsd instead of mild. Since meeting him my dissociation has gotten so much worse it lasts from minutes to hours. If I have a nightmare it lasts to some degree the rest of the next day. If it’s a flash back it can be minutes to a hour or two.
I already had mental health issues but was in recovery from my self harm issues but being with him made me relapse.
I don’t know how to stop the dissociation and it’s interrupting my life. I’m in therapy every two weeks and we’ve started to work in the ptsd last session but now I’m in self isolation and can’t see him. So I feel really stuck in the progress I can make. I’m wondering if anyone has any tips for dissociation? We have been working on making me less numb to how I feel and allowing myself to actually feel instead of distracting myself from. It. I feel me avoiding feelings is another manifestation of the dissociation. I’ve always been the type to run from the issue so it makes sense I dissocaite eve. I can’t handle something. It’s just so hard. Feelings scare me so much. I’m afraid if I start to feel the floodgates will open and I’ll never be okay again.",2.6783368700265235,4.6807156931034495,4.669655172413794,81.4497082228117,76.55172413793103,7.633952254641909,25.636604774535808,8.502166056373571,1.8208196286472145,1141,42,229,23,26,391,156,290,0.20600000000000002,0.782,0.012,-0.9957,0,2,1,0,2,0,24.0,3,0,0,3,13,9,0,4,14,1,21,5,0,9,1,47,45,23,0,4,10,0,8,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,10,14,0,2,9,0,0,1,4,8,0,2,9,9,34,1,33,31,6,34,0,2,1,0,14,10,0,8,22,150,44,4,0.0,0.2315491103137633,0.0953543102151488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078293104739584,0.0,0.08130548486754617,0.0,0.0,0.06644855133575094,0.10246115630690407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832357233029986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513567329540925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037871203674696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630171433972615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232786361787024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34584827813780195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675175748473308,0.0,0.0,0.08753213024496156,0.0,0.0,0.2077298268115124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245628888432248,0.0,0.10460435513289376,0.0,0.0,0.305962616546352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370080081684954,0.23894870650829156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803591235000962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647339943963939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245890497308104,0.19567362067624985,0.09906618296728034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694451212595196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799400763463893,0.0,0.14366137564954096,0.0,0.07536269840637727,0.0,0.10391944799740513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426656637235988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259778960060566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782829008173828,0.0,0.07786503262633583,0.0,0.20387304523954305,0.0,0.0,0.08082964199821598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522464946707515,0.0,0.0,0.13832427933363298,0.0,0.0,0.08169288664324678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174393770324023,0.0,0.06491652766937743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056977545302484375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090384152074547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756045215236933,0.07837990000796098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596615541748963,0.14227322762477634,0.0,0.09957843526418136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,norionn,2020/03/23,"my friend is basically ignoring my ptsd and telling me to get over it *possible tw tldr: basically venting because my best friend has ptsd herself but seems to ignore mine. she frequently tells me to basically “get over it” and tries to pressure me into doing things that severely trigger me and just seems to have little respect for me in general. 

so i’ve opened up to my best friend about a lot over the years, and she always seemed pretty understanding of my trauma and everything. but in the past few months it really seems like she’s either forgotten that i went through severe trauma or just thinks it’s not that big a deal and i don’t really have ptsd. i first noticed it when we ran into my abuser and she seemed to warn me at first, but then told me to “stop being such a little bitch” when i started having a panic attack and wanted to leave the store. this just really got to me because i know she has been in almost the exact same situation and i did whatever i could to help her and get her out of there, but when it’s me i need to get over it so she can keep shopping for candy. something like this happened again when she tried to pressure me into going to a concert of someone who’s music severely triggers me and i straight out told her “i can’t do that it would severely trigger my ptsd”, but then she spent 10 minutes afterward trying to convince me to go because it’s her favorite singer and she doesn’t want to go alone. i just feel like she’s being completely selfish and expecting me to compromise my mental health so that she can have fun. i’m at the point where i just want to cut her off but i feel like i can’t do that without expressing my feelings at least once so here we are i guess. idk if i’ll tell her any of this because i’m really not looking to have a fight or talk shit out, at this point it’s pretty obvious to me that she doesn’t really respect me and repeatedly ignores one of my biggest struggles in life. i just can’t have a friend who i’m scared to hang out with because i think they’ll try and force me to stay in triggering situations and i definitely can’t have a friend who tells me to get over it after telling them everything i’ve been through.",4.44203288490284,5.2274503632287015,5.47391928251121,82.29645440956655,70.03139013452915,8.72693572496263,28.768011958146488,8.936278230431713,2.163195455904335,1746,62,354,31,30,577,194,446,0.172,0.674,0.154,-0.8275,0,1,1,0,2,0,18.0,2,0,2,4,20,31,5,5,13,0,31,3,1,4,2,81,69,35,0,8,19,0,3,4,5,2,2,1,0,0,26,27,0,5,12,2,3,6,10,16,0,3,9,5,69,15,60,55,7,57,0,0,1,0,43,32,2,11,22,256,95,0,0.0,0.08080678668953446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829324198057861,0.07063545261879328,0.0,0.0,0.05674852270844982,0.0,0.0,0.04637887752054508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758824711383504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078728500778944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314504788832522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150723323192634,0.0,0.0,0.05445278316330191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031202225297631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258894915025192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345310948958784,0.097445319401243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602311830937513,0.0,0.0,0.2634588150518269,0.0,0.17816049566297032,0.0,0.11628024598557965,0.0,0.05454640392408901,0.0,0.07513086182755245,0.0,0.060309735461576086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249425308292387,0.0,0.0,0.045713553518671096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606199979009666,0.0,0.0,0.037481371885076116,0.0,0.0,0.07221479170922299,0.0,0.0,0.048172236592262524,0.13327784879942475,0.13671022190369053,0.0,0.0,0.05727148878741265,0.0,0.0,0.057981874794712965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687303577175104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443722180105972,0.0,0.0,0.05057002337774776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764705415195508,0.0,0.0726316180474327,0.04621462196439953,0.0,0.0,0.08001893517169342,0.0,0.0,0.06510537340346369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894358647923393,0.07688614604665417,0.0,0.13876944894780127,0.0,0.0,0.3188923064809803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845586988601065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682808908928642,0.0,0.0,0.3104371996827101,0.0,0.308189931204805,0.07000713330230651,0.0,0.15332109626375734,0.0,0.0,0.05778631006030097,0.05250430196033992,0.0,0.0,0.048272871871328726,0.07269297026871101,0.0,0.057018916255717325,0.0,0.07129827617105472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481721351177905,0.29805249304142434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530957598495111,0.08740062785456461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033755959215226,0.0,0.18521544482303265,0.0,0.0,0.07099943009360679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120679783095005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322281780710999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657431300995725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048447886127627265,0.0,0.0,0.04391907423937234
ptsd,FiguringOutLifeAt30,2020/03/23,"[Trigger Warning] Any positive outcomes with abusive parents? tl;dr: Does anyone have positive outcomes with abusive parents? Does breaking off all contact seem like overkill?

I got PTSD from long term physical and emotional abuse. Locked in closets/laundry room, beatings, daily threats, daily emotional abuse (being told I'm worthless, unhelpful, useless, etc.). My parents didn't really understand the concept of explaining things so I'd get hit and screamed at till I did what they wanted. I finished therapy and I've started living life. The abuse doesn't make me angry anymore.

My parents don't see anything wrong with things. I've brought up The abuse with them and still occasionally my mom screams at me and becomes emotionally manipulative if she wants something and occasionally my dad is verbally abusive. I requested us to talk with a family therapist about everything. My mom got upset and said she doesn't see anything wrong with how they treated me, LOTS of irrational excuses (e.g. who's going to pay for it (my dad's a doctor and I'm a software engineer so this isn't even issue)), and they took me on trips and paid for stuff as a kid so how dare I ask. Basically no. This seems to be a common trait with abusive parents. I'm not affected much by their behavior anymore, but I'm also very done with abuse.

I believe everyone wants a healthy loving relationship with family. While I still love them and vice-versa, I'm thinking the healthiest option for me long term is to just cut off all contact with my parents. I don't think this will change their minds about anything. Most likely they'll become more deeply entrenched in their beliefs.",4.749013793103448,7.563227726666668,5.121816091954027,76.76700000000002,73.4,8.004597701149425,33.678160919540225,8.841846274778883,3.4188885057471268,1338,70,214,29,29,424,175,300,0.14400000000000002,0.758,0.09699999999999999,-0.8929,6,0,1,0,5,0,44.0,1,0,9,1,12,14,2,1,10,0,15,4,0,6,2,47,46,22,0,4,4,10,0,2,0,2,2,3,1,1,9,21,0,0,7,0,2,4,8,9,0,0,10,5,32,5,33,31,9,25,1,2,2,2,36,9,0,6,13,131,41,2,0.0,0.665083449562305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049877205640520283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042413687034458934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370841049830145,0.043610500991229886,0.0,0.1539753994200253,0.0,0.05830745956227275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776536166950604,0.0,0.07026954625875538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659791095708533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383825999170477,0.10916068148533384,0.06382608656484233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047330900791894,0.0,0.0,0.06955895193699327,0.04119474653705885,0.0,0.0,0.05959713512824703,0.05605406600061325,0.0,0.11759362701753248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032585711034536884,0.0,0.03544626509009074,0.0,0.09976585155027284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509799637753325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044053721776018524,0.06094158882026241,0.0,0.055073785508263036,0.11039084003823373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053024678963494574,0.11258258287901836,0.0,0.0416324085397916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297584351184395,0.1460938022243223,0.0,0.0,0.045849070470714494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155265173094754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290710344805955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03995577034860864,0.0,0.0,0.06696195701822609,0.0,0.0,0.059328080235018864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994015086364868,0.11355847260739442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048015414567161636,0.0,0.0,0.044145753180380325,0.0,0.09961740364867047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139864103678208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050130582331574816,0.0,0.0,0.07132544361720877,0.07241628885484241,0.08287161217467805,0.07992825774613851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959713512824703,0.06929528038353441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649292904141806,0.07502333909263383,0.0,0.0,0.05146171915665963,0.11036219126498974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638344166558314,0.0,0.0
ptsd,obsidiandestiny,2020/03/23,"Good days and bad days and chronic fatigue I have a hard time letting myself accept the diagnosis of PTSD because I've always heard the, 'other people have it worse than you' in response to my trauma. I don't consider it 'bad enough' to allow myself to be associated with those who have 'actual trauma', especially on my good days when I don't have panic attacks or can go to the store with minimal hyperawareness. But then on my bad days when I have multiple panic attacks because people stand too close to me, I can understand how the diagnosis makes sense. And then there's the chronic fatigue, making it hard to anything other than drag myself, exhausted, to the bathroom where I look at my haggard appearance in the mirror and feel guilty that a shower seems so taxing that I can't even fathom having one. Because of my symptoms, I don't necessarily deny having PTSD... It's just difficult to say I have it when my experiences are nothing compared to someone else's.",11.678076923076922,8.163664500000003,11.471978021978025,59.123021978022,57.84615384615386,13.696703296703296,43.582417582417584,11.491704259439757,5.065606593406594,777,32,127,15,7,261,103,182,0.16699999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.8436,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,10,16,2,2,9,0,17,6,0,4,0,19,26,13,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,11,7,0,0,4,0,2,2,4,13,0,1,1,6,20,3,20,23,1,20,0,2,1,0,4,7,0,3,10,97,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.12918421266092736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101511302837807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893782200964576,0.0,0.0,0.30120372155709546,0.0,0.0,0.3315964118735593,0.24209366128202175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414977271839218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105868703585316,0.0,0.0,0.13678438133169254,0.0,0.0874360316561636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949347146222798,0.0,0.0,0.06693552770348468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523485436964207,0.22206886349563074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717374291136464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353679682460709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116622815679113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672994238393236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270226018404128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970441171076086,0.0,0.0,0.3106398451480457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835518567348452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30949129881447546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527423870297127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051418008839418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216551663860992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759396401047433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719209873833681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378127059711207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490697723663794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RamenApocalypse,2020/03/23,"Just Wanted To Share My Feelings I can't really believe I redownloaded Reddit for this, but I feel like this is the best place I can turn to for now.

I'll keep it short. I know it's bad to self diagnose. I know it better than anyone else. But it's been years and years since I've left my dad's house and I still have nightmares and get really paranoid whenever someone starts to sound like my dad or somebody else I was living with at the time. I've thought and thought again and my mom told me that I was showing high symptoms of PTSD. Recently, since I'm stuck in a house with my mom,stepdad, and siblings due to quarantine, I'm having a lot of paranoid thoughts. I'm trying to destress before bed because every time I go to bed stressed I have a nightmare. Just tonight something else happened where someone mentioned my dog who was put down because he tried to rip out someone's throat, and I had to cool down before I did or said something I'd regret. I can't really afford a therapist right now, because my family is lower middle class and can't afford too much.

So I assume I can count on you guys to be my support group, right? If not, maybe tell me somewhere I can turn to. Thanks!",4.46646694214876,5.130696669421494,5.0831301652892575,85.55833161157025,69.9090909090909,7.7028925619834725,29.587809917355372,7.645422480735847,1.7349330578512392,942,35,192,10,16,303,138,242,0.094,0.789,0.11699999999999999,0.7693,3,1,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,9,11,0,1,6,1,18,3,1,0,0,31,41,14,0,3,8,3,2,2,0,0,2,2,2,2,8,11,0,1,8,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,12,5,28,8,24,28,3,28,0,1,0,0,14,14,0,5,14,110,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271435322931971,0.10655316130398676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682984664105416,0.19017958031980825,0.0,0.1769808393256125,0.117164547340346,0.10913428217481423,0.09197339512892327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555074903531687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606185285764241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761862343474458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980353852640823,0.0,0.10516401379302816,0.07429265029445356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433207251781754,0.0,0.05910164253649116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296946177362563,0.091960703983094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987435894694672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23998801719400356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243379430802244,0.0,0.0,0.11430371293867622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298874488531085,0.0,0.0,0.1016114952846716,0.0,0.09182776171108348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841116585196301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447498874102318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24359078887192945,0.0,0.0,0.07644685178264643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865059555391153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156230156848855,0.10454173071836552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998618176339624,0.0,0.10268058359057798,0.0,0.0,0.17761898006255167,0.09892119752291158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848742329966626,0.0,0.0,0.1720482386735863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26433890215533795,0.1601178494138804,0.0,0.0,0.07360681068484122,0.0,0.08304897802198885,0.0,0.11912367875363407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801007218208448,0.0,0.1080885893148911,0.0,0.0,0.0908945027671966,0.09574282156838712,0.0,0.12074393753023835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24767657867380766,0.12127835866764412,0.0,0.0,0.09936980857070037,0.0,0.14120889906174092,0.2262291356311101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061337790795065815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393621956480398
ptsd,_DirtHour_,2020/03/23,"I'm now trying to reach out for answers. From August to November of last year, I was at an all time low. I was abused by my mom and my field hockey team simultaneously. I hate hate hated field hockey, and this ""team"" (I use quotation marks because we were not United) made it so much worse. 

I have asthma that is getting worse the older I get, and field hockey was a living hell. My coach would often say that it was ""in my head"" and would just yell at me to ""get up"" when I was on the ground wheezing and crying. My teammates weren't any better. They would grab my wrists and drag me around when I couldn't run, they called me ""it"" and ""that"" and wouldn't let me have my water during an asthma attack. My coach encouraged this behavior too.

Meanwhile at home, my mother was very aggressive and loud and unpredictable. She hated being wrong and was such a hot head. When very vivid memory I had was when I was sitting at the table and my mom walked into the kitchen and pointed at my notebook on the table. ""That needs to go in your backpack,"" she said. I put down the glass of sparkling apple cider and calmly responded with, ""that doesn't go in my backpack."" She stormed around the table to my side, grabbed the back of my head, and slammed my face onto the table. Two days later I told my English teacher and police were involved and they interviewed me over and over.

Normally, I would go to fh practice right after school. However, my councilor told me to either stay after school in his office or go home, no exceptions. I didn't want to cause more panic (flawed thinking right there) so I decided to ride the bus home. My Dad called me when I got home a yelled at me saying how I messed everything up and how entitled I am. When Mom came home she screamed at me and my brother saying I'm a liar, I'm ungrateful, how CPS called her and she could lose her job, yada yada ya...

I cried myself to sleep and cried a lot during school. I went to my fh practice and coach was pissed because I ""skipped"" practice. I asked her if my counselor sent her a note and she had no idea about anything. I was too embarrassed to tell her what had happened, so she assumed I just skipped practice and made all of the team run sprints. Afterwards, they all yelled at me bc it was my fault and was pissed bc I had an asthma attack while they kept running.

I told my mom about how terrible practice was in the car ride home and she said, ""see what happens when you start telling stories? You mess up things for everyone!"" With the biggest shit eating grin I've ever seen.

Now whenever I smell dry grass, smell field hockey equipment, hear someone say ""it's all in your mind"" have someone grab my wrists, ECT., I get sent back to that horrible place in life and feel cold and start to shiver. My heart beats 200 miles an hour and I relive all of that. I'm actually feeling cold right now.

Months later, I'm starting to reflect on all of that. Could this be some form of ptsd that I am experiencing?",3.5690084294587407,5.113956192176872,4.044877255249928,88.8300399290151,72.9625850340136,6.8137237503697134,24.857438627624965,7.34059242885,0.998357616089914,2323,71,477,25,46,730,268,588,0.171,0.805,0.024,-0.9981,2,0,0,0,1,0,84.0,1,5,5,6,31,26,12,2,23,0,40,19,11,8,7,84,85,47,0,12,7,7,6,0,0,5,5,12,7,0,20,38,3,1,8,10,0,16,8,22,0,1,36,26,91,4,62,38,12,87,1,2,3,0,57,39,4,6,30,312,111,8,0.0,0.0763071029922983,0.06284810302650014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043796293957643215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052998236550119364,0.11466476754299434,0.06020817376329444,0.1465355722225269,0.0,0.09904396614229058,0.0,0.07851902361191565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695927900081552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728819595500616,0.07365995134462587,0.0,0.06615969033301886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284121676620288,0.0,0.2122312345171847,0.041534650208582005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590041566749652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058256261143412966,0.0,0.061539890342225886,0.05788132378327456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512825142625382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459177723718505,0.0,0.1464069883219446,0.0,0.051509015920738664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390283870552123,0.0,0.0,0.2543387805666173,0.19828838073037894,0.0,0.07258693705267984,0.0763179443484068,0.0,0.0,0.3876091631496557,0.0,0.06342404787265807,0.0,0.0,0.07270322334587817,0.0,0.0,0.06391010632795954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524970952747984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585649933206003,0.04548979076643834,0.0,0.0,0.05686908797908635,0.0,0.0,0.07205055817875439,0.0,0.05475318439088147,0.0,0.12187947817680125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502873830408648,0.30171237423466,0.05140591354718528,0.0,0.04734366447294947,0.047754058047558806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310133148228478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556312257459509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728749740166802,0.0,0.06088171511800473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528373875200528,0.06474287046671101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499960168440522,0.1225241295247217,0.20486361494981184,0.0,0.19553802601236409,0.05132090601484208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610882266138325,0.0,0.0,0.06444957801052943,0.0,0.10913701915305486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675446666770766,0.06864510019959767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125822382766215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04278653591937488,0.04126688477858728,0.0,0.0,0.037553946216882385,0.0,0.0,0.18461967102667767,0.0,0.04372545488715101,0.0,0.06291243821584673,0.0,0.0,0.05562357170477699,0.0,0.10627855003124917,0.03798659747519868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059702288229897774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126445452922367,0.18300036360578575,0.07041464347685852,0.0,0.041473463536995485
ptsd,pandorasclosedgate,2020/03/24,"Questions about my experiences with PTSD. TWs are in the post at top as there are quite a few, I'm sorry. Tw: death, cancer, child abuse, gun violence, murder, police, needles, fathers, suicidal ideation, and probably more relating to those triggers

I want to apologize for this being long winded and I hope it makes sense. I also apologize for anything that is worded strangely!

​

1) Is it possible to not know what caused your PTSD? 

I was diagnosed with PTSD around the age of 14 or so, however I was never told why. I have two theories as to what caused my diagnosis. I was abused verbally and emotionally by my father almost every day that he was home, to the point where sometimes he would scream at me for hours about how worthless I was. I was afraid of men to the point where a man even slightly raising his voice would send me into a panic attack. I would also go (and still do) into suicidal episodes if I got anything less than a ""B"" grade wise because most of my abuse circled around being perfect. The stuff he would tell me still has long lasting impacts on my life and I'm now 22. 

However my father also died slowly and painfully from cancer when I was 12 and that wrecked my world because as horrible as he was I thought that it was how fathers were supposed to act so I loved him. I had nightmares, I would have times where I would be doing stuff and all of a sudden images of him dead in the hospital, images of him with needles stuck in his eyes as he's dead, or images of needles being stuck in his eyes and then him rolling over and grabbing at me like a horror movie would pop into my head and I wouldn't be able to shake them. I have no clue where the needles and eyes came from as his cancer was with his intestinal track and his eyes were fine until he died.

When I was diagnosed with PTSD it came as a shock and I often feel like my life wasn't traumatic enough or I didn't display enough signs to actually have PTSD. 

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2) Is it possible to get PTSD twice for different events?

I haven't seen a mental health professional in the past 6 years and am currently uninsured so this is a self-diagnosis, so please forgive me because I know the issues surrounding self-diagnosis.

Last year I heard one of my neighbors murder another one of my neighbors in cold blood, I heard the gunshots and I heard the screams. Since that day any loud noise immediately makes me feel like it's that night all over again. It doesn't matter where I am if I hear a loud bang my entire body tightens up, I can't breathe, and I wait to hear the screams and cries. I couldn't sleep for nearly a week after the murder happened. The killer was unfortunately released from custody due to police incompetence and I constantly fear that any bump in the night is him coming in to murder me and my family for calling the police on him. To me my reactions to this event feels more like what most people know PTSD to be. 

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3) How do I begin to heal?

Considering my main triggers are things that commonly come up in daily living it makes life pretty hard, which I'm sure most of you know with your triggers as well. How do I or is there even a way to begin to lessen the effect that my triggers have on me? I know that in order to live a productive and semi-normal life I need to start reducing the effect that they have on me. 

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I'm sorry that this is so long and thank you for reading this! I'm sorry if I say anything that could be considered offensive or insensitive!",5.370235886562419,6.0265826588921305,5.799492446329182,81.25220978001593,67.89212827988338,8.743652266101247,29.585078187119002,8.776555601660561,2.19045889212828,2768,96,539,43,44,890,299,686,0.198,0.7340000000000001,0.068,-0.9985,4,0,0,2,3,0,76.0,0,4,2,5,33,29,6,4,31,0,60,23,10,15,5,99,103,54,11,16,9,4,5,4,2,8,12,12,3,3,34,37,0,1,13,1,0,8,10,16,1,4,28,23,82,13,88,58,12,84,0,1,5,1,48,37,0,15,40,374,116,3,0.052384416846536316,0.18620090399973696,0.05111963429924322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245542655847018,0.0,0.0,0.1256753976786197,0.0,0.2270339750689757,0.2546112009147705,0.07124639958768067,0.0549296285450389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932373486934942,0.09326647426946252,0.0,0.05959483662289197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579916288521018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058187277895062776,0.0,0.0,0.053490346529233325,0.11982763500911392,0.0,0.10762645210624867,0.0,0.09024907336005916,0.0,0.0566089447060804,0.0,0.041824694293165626,0.0,0.0575418221232061,0.0675672304226725,0.0,0.0,0.10633816083184486,0.10873350850777166,0.0547305661498515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892541820260577,0.0,0.10825421167952423,0.0,0.06919882655587102,0.0,0.044136130514579375,0.0,0.0,0.0512420114574166,0.04938336610920555,0.058947032687144164,0.07946140539966899,0.11227031358620083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02736869571524303,0.0,0.02977127129324655,0.0,0.04189660355972544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463233668151987,0.0,0.04692614814642418,0.0,0.053761524589172376,0.05568218550210122,0.11808208993899415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254584126135377,0.052029545759372735,0.051588098556624426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054675721289014434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394552764001484,0.08540058276981438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800265123985654,0.10236952012846713,0.0,0.09251279960499624,0.13907568140316134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047278981428182536,0.0,0.10490101505017864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279117123497416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884238133117097,0.040402091668910435,0.0,0.0,0.09831845318551463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099407314915361,0.0,0.055740712900717436,0.0614618263162763,0.0,0.0,0.05000685330033637,0.03631675882818749,0.0,0.0,0.057502358952354976,0.09904041211970442,0.11811111818241173,0.05016979094870959,0.05329378447073025,0.056479261366239715,0.0,0.4286420601178184,0.0,0.05868253560511433,0.055717275441615366,0.05239859281369445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04165819083290217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929674277548067,0.0,0.0,0.04333293094108198,0.0,0.052422248245895565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051809527727294837,0.17592019765296688,0.037077959865092235,0.0,0.08366852592270745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993524885471785,0.11460009939041955,0.0,0.04937169293375194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045786289260508525,0.04822853296392625,0.0,0.0,0.03480187887624267,0.0,0.0,0.041587375580006566,0.030545774727536463,0.0,0.0,0.05005555518173139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117196350559307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03089768628952761,0.04158031179888058,0.04201961941497709,0.0,0.04709988186058962,0.0,0.04726878832917896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604867072180461,0.0,0.2546112009147705,0.06746769391719766
ptsd,stupidxtheories,2020/03/24,"Do I have PTSD or am I dramatic? I put this on r/depression but it wasn't much help so....

Hi, I don't really know how to start this so I'll just get right into it. A few months ago, I was hospitalized for self-harm and suicidal ideation/thoughts. I'm fourteen and I've lived in the same house for my entire life so leaving home for that long, 5 days, was terrifying. Well, the nurses and techs there were awful and traumatized most of us (the other patients on my unit) even more. I had multiple panic attacks everyday but I tried to hide them because my main goal was getting discharged. Now, I think I might have a form of PTSD because I've been regularly having panic attacks and nightmares every night. Am I dramatic or is it possibly just my anxiety? (I have generalized anxiety disorder)",2.0903719165085377,4.625281574193551,3.952979127134725,82.96123339658445,81.64516129032259,7.776091081593927,26.537001897533198,8.671277953709913,2.374567362428844,624,27,120,16,17,210,103,155,0.271,0.713,0.016,-0.9927,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,1,1,10,5,2,2,5,1,17,1,0,1,0,19,23,13,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,7,0,17,1,11,15,7,14,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,4,8,83,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230315446157412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22835519484594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395920654482481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819656278740151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962553831678731,0.0,0.1285507832853575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105606108613414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857973344823544,0.0,0.1257514960329806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595632832046138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000406674712491,0.0,0.14971222152662536,0.0,0.0,0.1722171098397296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202515824086233,0.0,0.0,0.15803663044784247,0.0,0.0,0.10542131012205257,0.0,0.0,0.1317925112248423,0.13208358469090406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158333099224075,0.0,0.0,0.11913175820020483,0.0,0.1097176102731058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006316856031326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35023082078470336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825953744019556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34893589248944923,0.15003978058959558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561484222609244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746064473012994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557026947685011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105641542847667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325778648757094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563484431817004,0.0,0.11848965086651095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133251136619983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953213435832574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419573800175574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,beachyxvibez,2020/03/24,"I can’t stop having nightmares. The trauma happened when I was 9 years old. I have had nightmares about it every night and I’m sick of it. A lot of times, I will do anything to stay up all night just so I don’t have another nightmare. Almost every one is an exact replay of what happened. I threw up several times because of them. I fucking hate this. I fucking hate the night. I just want them to go away. I can’t fucking take it anymore.",0.407682317682319,2.720613164835168,2.2891108891108907,93.38543456543457,87.68131868131869,4.188211788211788,22.558441558441558,5.565023196281405,0.2350131868131866,342,13,71,2,11,113,57,91,0.188,0.797,0.015,-0.9431,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,2,0,5,6,5,0,4,0,11,4,0,0,2,9,23,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,3,0,12,0,10,19,2,15,0,0,0,3,2,3,3,2,9,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605368252864569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681089786002507,0.0,0.0,0.1589938689657268,0.0,0.0,0.1319292917957753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062545152986034,0.0,0.0,0.09772928168864198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701521935139109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446383946552252,0.0,0.0,0.09111326876414247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28354001608595025,0.0,0.0,0.31656463856701045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629790933555547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451346982867943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682283509459358,0.0,0.10863664510301528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111540653957026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087926021875458,0.0,0.13403428408875862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205403151007886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186967184232426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945605972737382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324050438129914
ptsd,NeenahDee,2020/03/24,"Looking for a detailed account of the effects of PTSD Hello Good People! I hope someone here can help me with this. 

I'm looking for as specific an account as possible on the effects of PTSD. Could someone point out a detailed account of an actual persons experiences over a period of years. If there is an account in which the PTSD was caused specifically by a car accident that would be great. And most specifically, an account in which no one was actually killed in the accident if at all possible. 

If you don't know of an account that a perfect match, close matches will be helpful as well.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. :)",5.969749999999998,7.0690811416666675,6.6816666666666675,73.87500000000003,66.75,9.666666666666666,37.5,9.827888789773867,3.927,507,27,88,11,8,167,75,120,0.092,0.71,0.198,0.9324,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,3,3,7,1,0,15,0,10,0,0,3,2,17,17,7,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,1,6,1,2,1,1,1,2,2,3,6,22,10,2,13,0,0,2,0,5,9,0,5,3,67,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.2981937218840546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695306102382153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198699608191907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945378935876533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814944557918248,0.0,0.1684468384173242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481814702653967,0.0,0.0,0.15175073247886844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903480497782727,0.0,0.08396705732336493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25660311456859386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353158426432807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592240760516497,0.13340663133041633,0.0,0.0,0.1444319267525673,0.3444859730463896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.535795127651065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282710475917802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589097551827339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148758761674938,0.0,0.0,0.1406645992549079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909060460523323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737274595992574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853461938766693,0.0,0.0,0.0983890193655063
ptsd,tryingtohealtrauma,2020/03/24,"Sick of my trauma not being taken seriously. Warnings: swearing, school l*ckd*owns, mass m**der, mass sh**tings, school sh**tings (if there's any I missed, please tell me and I'll add it right away)

I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of my trauma not being taken seriously. In 6th grade, around September, my school went on lockdown. It was real. It ended up being a miscommunication. We found out later that there was no actual threat in the school, but I thought there was. I spent an hour and a half huddled up in my creative writing classroom fearing for my life, having no idea what was going on, having reason to believe someone was in the school with a gun or a knife or something. I was 11 years old and mentally preparing myself to be murdered. I wasn't though. No one was remotely physically hurt in anyway. There wasn't actually a shooting or anything. We just thought there was. I thought there was. No one understands that. They all think ""well nothing actually happened, it couldn't have been that scary"" or ""you can't really have PTSD from that"". No one understands how much being in that situation really hurts. I often say ""silence is scarier than gunshots"". I almost wish I could hear an attacker, then at least I would have some idea of what was going on. People were locked outside during the lockdown, too. We heard loud banging as they tried to get inside. We thought it was the person who would kill us. I thought I was going to die. No one understands that. No one takes this seriously. They think I'm just insane. It makes me feel like I am just insane. No one sees how much it hurts.",3.0898690514212714,5.681196438943896,3.9163249228148613,84.3934014691792,78.00990099009903,6.417928244437348,24.95571170020228,7.601502580125103,1.4378920259767909,1263,46,232,19,31,403,162,303,0.22899999999999998,0.6779999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.9947,0,2,1,3,0,0,58.0,5,1,3,0,17,17,5,1,11,0,33,5,1,4,1,51,64,14,3,6,11,0,1,1,0,2,4,4,0,1,18,11,0,0,15,0,1,4,14,15,1,7,27,6,30,2,28,28,5,28,0,4,1,0,16,18,1,8,7,168,48,7,0.0,0.0,0.24545728199535105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395708488821914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570164081260055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899599970770667,0.07463842934093698,0.0,0.09538400667985364,0.07877366328786907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446283519429308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694215717188003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870162441039839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742603937289824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943471696242274,0.04239375787645085,0.05989776378793365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192999437898283,0.0,0.0,0.043804732135448894,0.0,0.1429504618599101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414246904801405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449764017966636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256889046384007,0.0,0.2692683806097887,0.1892980560580651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276033385349504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059221094789761425,0.04096166524264095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596614118090749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449445816216615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232691377211504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804500332187407,0.0,0.08797957674677255,0.0,0.3408868719788231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812647811384115,0.07320884987031391,0.0,0.09203490941884566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800848396184464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543218002764464,0.10742449753704987,0.08620501106927735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160183187619226,0.0,0.0666756614808777,0.0,0.4242701412915921,0.0668123591820021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606407695675225,0.0,0.09424352923406223,0.0,0.0,0.07104026691966596,0.06454676932652482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303982559335777,0.0,0.07328285415573177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074469701431966,0.08237574516326288,0.3328115936639036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692418595400262,0.0,0.0,0.26185190539406383,0.10085332400378244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538531357069078,0.07772370043603215,0.0,0.0,0.09641580773593604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911993545214078,0.0,0.0,0.05399242058497662
ptsd,iamval2,2020/03/24,"So what's next? I had 3 traumatic experiences in childhood, 2 of which were near-death with long-term hospitalizations and 1 involving sudden death of a loved one. For nearly 30 years since, I got no treatment and my (what I now know are PTSD) symptoms were dismissed by doctors as bad behavior or attitude or character flaws. Over these 3 decades, I developed debilitating depression and anxiety, severe OCD (a therapist once told me it's the worst she's ever seen in a 25 year career) and intense phobias. I first went to treatment for depression and anxiety about 10 years ago and have had no success despite countless therapists. 

Six months ago, my therapist at the time put the pieces together and suggested I might have PTSD and need to see a PTSD therapist. The PTSD therapist and I made recordings of me talking about my traumas that I listened to, but I mostly felt disconnected listening to them (I told the therapist this). I did months of listening and now we are done, but I feel no different. I still cry when I hear of children or young people being sick, still do my OCD rituals to prevent death, am still unable to talk about death, etc. I still have bad depression. I still feel strong anxiety 24/7 over every little task. I still have trouble sleeping at night. I still have debilitating OCD. I'm still jumpy at the slightest sound. 

My therapist said we now need to talk about how I'm going to start \*living\* instead of avoiding life, but all my disorders that came out of the PTSD are still huge issues. Over the past six weeks of these discussions, the only thing to come of our sessions is my need for hobbies, but even that's not going to fix disorders. Has anyone been in a similar boat or can share some advice or experience?",5.826158975726862,7.290498319018407,6.1175806881835175,76.44786476393706,67.34355828220859,9.96404374499867,32.88556948519606,10.176274734539398,3.501596052280608,1396,61,249,35,23,447,181,326,0.19899999999999998,0.7509999999999999,0.05,-0.9940000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,3,0,1,3,22,13,0,1,14,0,22,6,1,2,2,42,49,23,3,3,10,0,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,11,16,0,2,4,0,0,6,4,9,0,4,16,11,32,4,40,31,6,50,1,3,2,1,21,13,0,8,31,170,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324342903738432,0.11474037644104565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485313849404555,0.0,0.0,0.04525358146866282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108076641388541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740221973779671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557503677755872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109164950752593,0.0,0.0,0.16722917899403314,0.0,0.0,0.0676184048837158,0.14834897112937676,0.06624344673163128,0.0,0.06623081465560024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217967294135305,0.042746810426933686,0.058542754673903616,0.054529213802833085,0.0,0.0,0.12661674532277795,0.0,0.0,0.06544854013547696,0.0,0.06214114711888269,0.0,0.0,0.05505061969218957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356349542220669,0.0,0.05176232774565828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294390619995364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755064527027205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03556830361488609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571350115399436,0.0,0.06486623134871201,0.05714875964821051,0.057274976892250674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058412136646775775,0.061239429467699676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865746883353505,0.0,0.0,0.10331743666735617,0.0,0.0,0.14396671104996028,0.0,0.0,0.06883023012020546,0.060735137992509375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892446334868939,0.043855804171656916,0.04922231612634895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178236205641551,0.04486855289939852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37826985135925,0.06506126394356743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615633402797805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157329274999446,0.0,0.0,0.07311494012114851,0.0,0.053536878481205474,0.0,0.06476652912926692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580899995727111,0.0,0.4651677658273766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726864181777475,0.0,0.15605794522307678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5260126453504628,0.04299695219897151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03773862958695045,0.0,0.0,0.12368506430904792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191431111606134,0.0,0.0,0.05999589305447185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503226710754736
ptsd,hecking-gecks,2020/03/24,"My PTSD is recent and medical related. This pandemic is incredibly damaging. Does anyone else feel functional during the day but once night hits, everything seems to get scary and terrible? Cancer related two years of compounded traumas. PTSD has been hell but at night my hyper-vigilance kicks into high gear and I get scared. But nothing in particular. Once the sun goes down it seems like every symptom of PTSD gets magnified. I just texted my therapist asking this question but I would really like to hear from other people who have lived through this. I feel silly posting this. Thanks for reading. Stay healthy friends!",4.791068376068374,8.185954944444449,4.8037037037037065,75.419358974359,78.25925925925927,8.878632478632479,29.603988603988604,9.265573868473778,3.6625646723646734,506,23,76,15,13,157,82,108,0.225,0.639,0.136,-0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,10,1,1,2,0,6,3,0,0,0,15,17,7,0,1,5,0,2,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,3,7,5,11,14,0,12,1,1,0,0,5,5,1,3,7,42,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701932936237924,0.14216885376883012,0.0,0.0,0.12971533220160364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948421141064718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142369234163555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115910333787669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690539360894887,0.0,0.12470225674563325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403153798133707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072002297898014,0.0,0.2174781595838226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638472427850728,0.0,0.0,0.14660017102174858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355754220482067,0.0,0.12252144813777142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977905800414234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604205972446731,0.0,0.13313725336621346,0.0,0.0,0.2955348502253837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619386511484238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288702679090014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865845235559307,0.0,0.15543512407869325,0.0,0.1387905565354559,0.0,0.08888872989922343,0.0,0.1370018561133092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891596666688652,0.0,0.0,0.25263105457103385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478922448538316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442175028908591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774512771271418,0.0,0.16110293667623862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554152721630214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856615586557813,0.0,0.0,0.08935238795653681
ptsd,15throwawayrunaway,2020/03/24,"How do I stop the nightmares? I (F15) haven’t slept at all 2 days (haven’t slept well in 6 years) because every time I do, I wake up with horrible flashbacks of the abuse that are so bad I get phantom pain like it’s happening again. The only way to stop it is to stay awake but I’m starting to go insane. How can I sleep without having nightmares or flashbacks?",3.7796000000000016,4.334950426666674,4.577333333333332,88.96200000000002,71.4,7.066666666666667,28.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,1.218733333333334,282,10,61,2,5,91,56,75,0.22699999999999998,0.728,0.045,-0.9109999999999999,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,8,5,4,2,1,9,15,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,6,2,9,13,1,13,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,8,37,9,0,0.0,0.30111911829996113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21219964993251775,0.1549238421630305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639018749141588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412730690728965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277976657093266,0.0,0.14443590933109554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473872691989746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241619360314076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328798742604925,0.2704271670254461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543275703612275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988445291791424,0.2708837216608997,0.0,0.424951578765465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819342800437765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172770204489573,0.0,0.0,0.2285060049640755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449857763299331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366042325530475
ptsd,SyomieAuthor,2020/03/24,"I saw a guy OD and I've felt strange for the last few days The other day I was at work and someone walked in and sat down at a table, he was just playing on his phone and he looked like a normal dude. He came up to the counter and asked for a beer, so I gave him one. Still nothing out of the ordinary other than he seemed friendlier than most people. He sat down and took two sips out of his beer and I went to go sit down and play on my phone cause it was a slow day and he was the only customer. About 10 minutes goes by and this guy still hasnt come up to order another beer or anything. We usually don't serve so I was gonna be nice and go out to see if he wanted another beer. I get up and walk out to the dining room to find the guy looking to be close to death. He was choking for little bits of air, blue skin all over and had just that ""dead person look"" on his face. I freaked out and called 911. They came and narcaned him 4 times and he finally sprung back to life. For some reason these last few days I keep seeing images of this dudes face when I went out to go see him. Now I can't even enjoy weed without thinking it could be laced and I'll end up like that guy! It's just got me worried more than usual and I keep seeing snippets of the whole situation in my mind and its disturbing. I've never had PTSD but is this what it feels like in a mild case?",2.4189293704058805,3.0290925771812063,3.6053595397890703,94.48871364653246,74.5704697986577,6.615787791626719,22.24416746564398,6.42735559955562,0.15469459891339055,1060,24,259,7,21,345,165,298,0.055999999999999994,0.8959999999999999,0.048,-0.2973,0,0,4,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,1,1,12,9,0,1,14,0,16,9,3,2,2,54,47,25,3,4,7,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,5,14,30,5,2,6,6,0,11,5,2,0,2,19,12,22,7,47,23,8,57,0,0,9,0,27,26,0,5,21,156,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072478395992424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132242826110334,0.0,0.09238561903785704,0.0,0.0,0.07598833806182022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078884836347916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090873587929697,0.2260530349259785,0.0,0.10151784325494922,0.0,0.08512676116301122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890165802823564,0.0,0.0,0.2549291321225913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752732864586517,0.0,0.0,0.06527127383879891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04996758287772407,0.07059875383037123,0.09488501691106473,0.10825512647109448,0.09032189802565176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051630633684172714,0.0,0.16848916935391015,0.0,0.07903731378029909,0.0,0.0,0.3913989152353464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567580814777936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611069175995625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980119504010085,0.14483892242717614,0.09904602254452624,0.0,0.0,0.2489578214682215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978246918919843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621793952972661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682498582373396,0.09482277353397998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696462671529181,0.07515890057702511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851102044334098,0.08628792200820151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551811611878632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016059026338868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31499468430350425,0.08996421613621346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110805362293223,0.0,0.0,0.08373191249780344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783941835430856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332141398312853,0.0,0.0,0.057624145555402885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979534047092962,0.0,0.0,0.09653514110230844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767785968727285,0.0,0.05828802143518296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321873962761664,0.0,0.1103316984594691,0.0,0.09526128266512887,0.0,0.07194389591341001,0.10035896053630436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ace-milk_drinker,2020/03/24,"Am i experiencing ptsd? I know this isn't a way to get diagnosed, but until i decide to have a visit with a psychiatrist i wanted to make a post here. I have aspergers syndrome which makes me unable to know what i'm feeling and distinguish my enotions. I also have depression caused by a health issue where i have difficulty with staying awake during lessons. It is happening for 3 years now, getting worse as the time goes on. My sleeping issue caused me to have worse grades because i didn't remember what happened exactly during a lesson and i also didn't have time at home to do normal homework because of me sleeping a lot after school where i also additionally had to study the topic of the lessons where i fell asleep. This caused me as the time went on to stop doing my hobbies from the lack of time, stop going to after school activities like fencing that i started to do recently at that time, and not being able to make all the homework and study every lesson that i couldn't pay attention to. To add to that i felt awful during school because i'd feel i'm getting tired and i'm going to fall asleep, and it was the worst thing ever to try to stay awake because i had to pay a lot of attention to that and it was mentallyexhauisting. At that happened every day. Now i started a new school year at a new school but after a month of me feeling awful for a whole 45 minute lesson, i couldn't take it anymore and since then i'm staying at home. Now i have teachers coming to my home teaching me, but that also stopped because of the virus. Right before i started to write this i wanted to do some homework that was gave to me online, but i just sat in front of my computer thinking about doing it and quickly getting more and more tired and i just couldn't do it because i felt as it was pointless. I've also had dreams where i would ""wake up"" somewhere not knowing what was happening - just like in school where a teacher sometimes would catch me a ask me to do an exercise and i just didn't know which or how to it. There were a few other symptoms which fit in with me that i saw online. I just don't know if my experience would be able to cause ptsd. Thank you in advance for commenting.",7.714917748917749,6.092667054545455,7.86779220779221,75.97287878787878,63.68181818181819,10.290043290043293,35.270562770562776,8.841846274778883,2.874579004329004,1744,63,341,21,21,570,182,440,0.113,0.8340000000000001,0.053,-0.9845,0,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,0,6,24,5,0,0,24,2,38,11,5,8,3,81,79,29,0,11,13,0,5,2,0,3,6,0,6,0,28,18,0,4,21,2,2,10,10,2,0,0,18,7,44,3,61,53,10,62,0,1,1,0,6,19,0,5,30,249,72,14,0.13338590401831166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666716481311101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661414874622833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062348907241817714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439324271390864,0.0,0.056750789991769676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740481325301748,0.0,0.05745007275833774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043011436675645914,0.0,0.05744254183934602,0.06769194241368222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032759333584242,0.11238337702229516,0.0,0.0,0.06523850443909376,0.0,0.0,0.1011658813044629,0.0,0.12807138556060504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937725909880636,0.0,0.07580628313297087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23590542881936036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089148928269677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006954060283236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922022904929318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326351126428334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516561512108916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339992567130193,0.0,0.0,0.1335541900361135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053233678005831286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882493728106298,0.0,0.0,0.06534493271447951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387341239006092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559209838424828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585124421136063,0.0,0.07555011361237512,0.05695541661172032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40498096800024697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516909908792337,0.0,0.13348223372297546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596103487142227,0.0,0.1416168440964619,0.21325743918640044,0.0,0.16727488257708406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931951341275283,0.050144799870598215,0.0,0.0,0.061401909729339677,0.0,0.0,0.0443078338453466,0.04273415070409424,0.0,0.0,0.19444598323525808,0.15330747480989848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045280136573869915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867446209960698,0.05293776100347748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618250346805816,0.0,0.07446029917559784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359316316712435,0.1421302787790918,0.0,0.0,0.08589614895914596
ptsd,missmadisan,2020/03/24,"Pandemic triggering symptoms from sexual assault I'm stressing over the pandemic, and I feel like its spilling over into my other symptoms. I've been in therapy for 2 years and made a lot of progress. But I'm having significantly worse nightmares and flashbacks and having an intense fear of the men around me that I haven't had in almost a year now. Is anyone else experiencing this?",8.208802816901407,8.453340267605638,8.284612676056339,67.28072183098595,61.8169014084507,11.043661971830986,38.87676056338028,10.686352973137794,4.391814084507042,313,15,51,7,4,102,55,71,0.17,0.741,0.08900000000000001,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,2,5,0,6,2,0,2,0,12,10,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,4,1,10,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,4,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23896452454688505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686336008742114,0.2445159412619389,0.0,0.21244111565009824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935396267709965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26853751010549226,0.12066407746516895,0.17048520281596458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165879552915476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288407375060466,0.0,0.2258079170571988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27336249887444525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960788179827916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272906820861489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24319560195274306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30735400428451115
ptsd,Hirakai,2020/03/24,"My aversion to fire I understand - the knock-on effect I don't Our house was bombed during an occupation - long story. Africa sucks, basically. 

To this day the smell of something burning I hate with a passion - that emotion is more of rage though - I can't remember much from it but what I can't explain is - since then, I have an immense fear of birds. I never had, it is stupid to fear birds.

But since then if I hear a bird behind me, I run towards anyone's house. Idk how to explain it, it's an uncontrollable...kind of need to cover myself or something. 

Believe me you'd think I'm stupid with what I've tried - I have noise cancelling headphones (so i can't hear the birds), sunglasses (in case they hit me in the eye...yes, I considered that for some reason), and wear a beanie so i just look like a hipster or whatever.",2.3309959349593465,4.331244091463415,3.4959512195121967,89.47181300813011,77.59756097560975,6.324552845528456,24.347967479674807,7.3011,0.9849435772357727,637,22,133,8,15,206,104,164,0.19899999999999998,0.765,0.035,-0.9754,0,0,2,0,1,0,32.0,1,1,1,1,5,9,5,2,11,0,12,2,1,3,1,20,24,12,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,2,5,21,2,17,20,3,9,0,0,1,1,7,3,1,4,6,86,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861254524773975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112024731912414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940036531544428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908162355450716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817724580329148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747917322127415,0.0,0.0,0.3823813317706252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914713984812185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664846396442502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287495897910198,0.0,0.0,0.15012139520713327,0.14245044699279116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470104268850465,0.12578200055765495,0.1308327590294042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744127518703089,0.0,0.0,0.19216307725654547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806471980862808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26118620073095505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869508344324454,0.16666525789023842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517084444471624,0.0,0.0,0.17659573318601396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thegayestcheeto,2020/03/24,Idk if I’m ok ? I’ve been having really bad ptsd attacks since before the corona virus isolation started but now its worse. and mom does quite understand them fully. Like I tried to explain I need her full attention when it happens like she can’t watch tv and ignore me and go on her phone because it makes me feel neglected and she just got mad and was like “i need something to do to I’m bored sitting here waiting for you to calm down” or “my life has been turned upside trying to help you it’s insulting when you say you’re not getting help” and she has done a lot for me and does legit everything by herself cause she’s a single parent and we’re poor. but I didn’t think that was asking too much I just need her when I panic but the more attacks I’m having the more I realize she will never be able to help me or fully understand. And that makes me really sad and feel alone but what else can I do. Absolutely nothing. Honestly it’s been really hard I keep wanting to self harm but ik that if I do it will make me worse so idk anymore.. um help ?,1.1385407980941054,3.322525625570776,2.9408298590430806,90.93755807027996,82.69863013698631,6.183124875918208,20.480643240023824,7.423996415210882,0.644158070279929,828,24,177,13,23,275,126,219,0.257,0.633,0.11,-0.9906,1,2,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,3,1,1,9,17,4,1,5,1,19,1,0,4,1,44,44,23,0,6,12,2,3,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,10,10,0,4,8,1,1,1,4,11,1,0,8,5,30,6,12,33,6,11,0,2,1,0,25,3,0,5,9,112,40,0,0.11976067877562972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403594528059562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877041269106528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196006815193572,0.27249012264043976,0.0,0.0,0.09999516437075644,0.07300499820319167,0.0,0.101907516847275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302720669982413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960675409905205,0.12255675440702657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004467976238664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076331758703901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110919518946052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625700117205351,0.0,0.06806275363411578,0.0,0.0957835551630837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059039727255739,0.0,0.10728204478834642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32109223414616445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644879396658097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459050916327035,0.17552705491267684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181624641263932,0.0,0.0,0.23982354911893256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140262259549668,0.0,0.0,0.0880378787403992,0.26640307749023623,0.0923668184834219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149136012485848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405133526634611,0.1329800610595378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999382466813146,0.0,0.0,0.12738022351121742,0.0,0.0,0.2301652724133337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952384986040549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493650679650975,0.0,0.0,0.09906727105590757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921976214988661,0.0,0.0,0.08476722484222153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673780723516005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261927918246652,0.13026522836325702,0.0,0.24935018038522586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063795123405983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440927262267853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Groven_,2020/03/24,"Is it strange to want to be triggered? I feel like I'm an expert at suppressing how I feel. When directly confronted by loved ones about my emotions, I always manage to weasel out. I'm terrified of being vulnerable and open to others even when I know their love is patient and unconditional.

Lately I havent been able to hold it in that well though. Right when I'm at that barrier of my breaking point, I get one foot through the door and I'm ready to feel it all but it never happens. I'll finally start crying some nights and 10 seconds later its gone. I feel like I just want to be just absolutely flattened under the weight of all that shit that still sits inside of me out of reach. I'm scared to make positive strides in my life because I dont want to build a new house on this absolutely fucked foundation. I want to tear it down first even if it really hurts.",3.8447120879120864,5.151097137142859,4.831428571428571,84.40010989010989,71.91428571428571,8.356043956043958,26.60439560439561,8.841846274778883,1.845769230769231,689,23,143,13,13,225,110,175,0.168,0.7020000000000001,0.13,-0.9206,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,12,10,3,1,4,0,8,7,2,3,3,30,30,11,0,5,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,13,7,1,3,5,0,0,1,3,5,1,4,2,5,15,5,27,25,3,27,0,1,0,3,3,12,2,2,14,92,28,1,0.14886445921997188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238671553542065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074639263053896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635206183166526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446803752116655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745248001403684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664714268127806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010813738325902,0.21269759882254666,0.0,0.16307373863819824,0.0,0.12662403296506386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762279377892592,0.07777553578846426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164034965579474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176959901496286,0.15936248248295806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181201364535635,0.0,0.16792559407956986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051473699921513,0.14545531068119458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687119730051115,0.0,0.09936818248080148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481344815325098,0.1437742223478089,0.0,0.1396992106229155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174882041987785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407250312083774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953663844686468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271294347922697,0.0,0.0,0.14903929329407334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280722814954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053670304370628,0.0,0.11888334942913074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462585753574797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512164599723319,0.0,0.0,0.18127680701111568,0.13384702674159565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,little-curly-goblin,2020/03/24,"What should I do? One of my best friends lives in another country and disappeared for about 2 years without saying a word. Apparently he run into some dangerous things but he's now getting back on track and reaching out to some of his old friends. 

We were catching up and I confessed that the last time we saw each other I took a piece of cheap jewelry that he had 2 of as a way to remember him before we went our ways apart (I know stealing is bad) 

The thing is that I showed him that I kept it these 2 years as a way to have him close to my heart (for a long time I even thought he died at the end), and he asked for a time out because it was triggering his PTSD of the harsh times he lived these 2 years, I apologized and he told me no to because I didn't know. 

So I now triggered my best friends PTSD without knowing he even had PTSD and I don't know what to do. 

People of reddit, how would you like people to behave around you? What is acceptable for you? If someone unknowingly triggers you, what would make you feel better?

I have no idea of how PTSD works or what is like, so please enlighten the ignorant who just wants to be there for her friend",5.613930187459598,4.916635764705884,5.779411764705883,86.23504524886879,67.40336134453781,9.339883645766,30.91273432449903,8.617729084823388,2.007432708468002,904,30,203,12,13,287,132,238,0.095,0.7140000000000001,0.191,0.9813,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,4,5,0,4,13,14,1,0,11,0,18,1,1,6,0,48,33,15,1,5,6,0,1,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,17,15,0,2,11,1,1,5,6,4,0,1,11,3,31,10,33,18,6,32,1,0,1,0,33,10,0,5,16,139,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777638693913416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914981940126578,0.09608773962893374,0.0,0.0,0.07903337898864553,0.08581907350369505,0.12531048568922787,0.0,0.08746031604557254,0.0,0.21572773294074024,0.09090274672006066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066719819211453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103476550710453,0.0,0.0,0.13577371091276338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051969907691742506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176379412788325,0.0,0.053699601063329314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179772790311442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160289036918417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259462413421216,0.08378143542223501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004286512068142,0.0,0.18151761719770773,0.09095925611099992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860810026587555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785291777184464,0.0,0.06964806517701669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425128534642334,0.0,0.0,0.11282429269079278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805888526654115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643250807214345,0.0,0.0,0.08173674960699619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708725763286533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365682187673768,0.0,0.0,0.081597804336485,0.23973315120390926,0.0,0.0,0.09821305962948676,0.11419511172315393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062376683165952,0.24475183387476654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528038417573284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815727644135486,0.0,0.07482686602539439,0.0,0.0,0.14602744271304394,0.0,0.0,0.19856563237676486
ptsd,bumble-ela,2020/03/24,"Coronavirus and PTSD. Long story short my
Step dad was military. We moved around a lot and he was an evil evil man. He was more than strict and his punishments were cruel and unusual. He also was a survivalist. During all this chaos with the virus and quarantine and news and media. I keep waking up with cold sweats in the middle of the night. Distorted memories and nightmares of his “survival training”. I can’t sleep. Anyone have any advice on avoiding PTSD nightmares and episodes. It’s honestly been hell. 

One time when I was 8 he made me march on pavement in the summer for 5 hours for scuffing my feet. My feet were blistered and cut open. A lot of my dreams involve me marching my feet raw and sometimes down to my bones. Also I can’t physically stop marching in my dreams. All my mental health treatments and medication are not Accessible right now. I just need any advice or resources. I can’t keep living off just a few hours of sleep.",2.984175438596491,5.640805066666669,3.51029239766082,86.7692105263158,78.8888888888889,6.4561403508771935,24.47368421052632,7.669130373188453,1.401166666666667,752,27,140,12,19,235,113,180,0.175,0.782,0.043,-0.9785,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,7,8,6,1,9,0,13,10,8,1,2,32,17,16,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,17,0,4,0,2,0,2,4,7,0,1,9,1,19,1,19,8,6,27,1,0,0,0,10,13,1,3,12,89,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078799245796689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25195904678349523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425643274397935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015112132278564,0.0,0.0,0.14023825896627107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745079754362233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102776289820654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28004611576584737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910501120924346,0.13941223487000332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267858782304942,0.0,0.14906205445210888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586984787236566,0.15875676658246066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743323329538,0.0,0.11680913156960485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783456549625246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674881079557688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682965806247029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453279134861815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152946386227501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580470953257672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170510207438618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185908012753537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JustSomeFurryUwU,2020/03/24,"Nobody respects my triggers. One of my triggers is being touched in any way. People I hate in school come up and grab me in the hallways when i'm on break. I squeal and run away and everyone looks at me. It doesn't help my self esteem.

My sisters never stop doing anything when I ask them to. They always come back with a terrible comeback like ""I'm allowed to!"" when they aren't or a ""you're not my mom!' It never helps the matter.

Even my dear, old great grandmother just touch me even though they know how much it affects me. I feel so swept under a rug.",1.6415550239234449,3.6774012894736856,2.8395374800637967,93.16327751196172,79.96491228070175,5.1980861244019145,21.767145135566192,6.1124844417494595,0.20709824561403511,433,13,92,3,11,139,81,114,0.10400000000000001,0.778,0.11800000000000001,0.3931,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,4,0,10,6,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,5,2,20,14,10,0,0,3,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,5,18,4,12,13,1,21,0,0,1,0,10,8,0,1,9,62,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630769366912683,0.0,0.0,0.13327792358731907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128065374711384,0.0,0.18322144768498125,0.0,0.18413629727729655,0.15070195396057626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376510019514904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588952135523837,0.0,0.0,0.18727403762828668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990969478531542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607642895728127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934966494792523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627319943251038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770936437248116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574937933924384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457977239659324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22953767958931384,0.0,0.0,0.14407304193528125,0.0,0.302314610556011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056554541455384,0.0,0.1328059061381891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587275247742334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983493711020039,0.0,0.0,0.2044572499982463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385396046712958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255629441010505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556540823787365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mwb19,2020/03/24,"Need some advice after feeling the weight of the emotions I’ve been pushing back I use to smoke weed to escape and forget about everything. It helped, got my appetite back, didn’t constantly have flashbacks due to just being numb from everything I guess. 

So lately I’ve cut back and now have completely stopped smoking. Almost instantly lost my appetite to the point where feeling the food in my mouth, chewing and feeling the food go down my esophagus just feels absolutely pointless and extremely hard. I feel like my body is punishing me for some reason.

I’ve also found myself overthinking again. Makes me think the people in my life don’t really love me. That I’m always going to be overlooked and not be the one that’s ‘chosen’ whatever the fuck that means. I can see the beauty in literally everyone BUT myself. I look at my scars and my body and think about everything I put it through to escape the image of the shell that was stolen from me. Only now I’m realizing it wasn’t just my body or my childhood that was taken from me. Maybe a bit of my soul was taken as well. 

I don’t want to be this person anymore and I know now that I can’t just try and push it down and escape it. I’d appreciate any advice on how you guys navigate these thoughts without going into a spiral or triggering any flashbacks? Having to self isolate is going to force me to face all of this anyway and I think I’m ready..",4.6342391304347865,5.979366554347828,5.397072463768115,80.94756521739131,70.05072463768116,8.273623188405798,27.56811594202899,8.697196308434329,2.0621063768115944,1123,38,210,19,20,365,152,276,0.078,0.8340000000000001,0.087,0.3596,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,21,8,3,0,13,0,19,13,5,5,1,48,51,18,0,2,9,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,14,12,4,1,14,0,0,7,7,5,1,1,12,9,30,3,32,35,4,30,1,1,2,2,6,10,1,6,14,144,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860891147047245,0.0,0.0,0.10688403878510257,0.0,0.0,0.08535941821539877,0.08881568843798847,0.0,0.0,0.14517283408877238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058567517253618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462279104855534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653172301797812,0.3556900596587281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191417581772027,0.11534731558810307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200674000348723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019940214477221,0.28779133078775265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698531081174211,0.07625461170280291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581392871385841,0.11703418595106828,0.0,0.09867880746338242,0.0,0.0,0.24264972563265544,0.0,0.08536920760429251,0.0,0.11758542597550092,0.10568873628379127,0.0,0.0,0.09561749026913544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154513514944874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866115431190996,0.0,0.12040663404181992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539315831216163,0.05214745393227874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963416952112481,0.0,0.11651860755162954,0.0,0.09633642915966373,0.0,0.07124934378792397,0.0,0.10723402204021516,0.11627044193429036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914587422292617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232934479646565,0.08118008418790364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399962432512938,0.09320068174555413,0.0,0.0,0.10090318528336982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730252657661744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837995969314166,0.1097458273934394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505744094904093,0.0,0.11135241919039836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923887459162867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051827931987668,0.0,0.08473911959345783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246901089310873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921885257498288,0.0,0.0,0.06295763310700861,0.0,0.0,0.1299797703958966,0.09597149293885808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289292269087293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mysadkid,2020/03/25,"Learning to Value Myself and Know My Worth After four years I feel like I’m finally getting the hang of catching myself when I measure my own self-worth by others’ actions.

For quite a while I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck, or like I’m not good enough, or like I’m stuck in a cycle, or like I haven’t been smart enough to think about the right things to say or the right resources to give to my partner who struggles to appropriately cope with stress.

Tonight I worked through the flashbacks from my previous triggering relationship and told my partner that I wasn’t sure how long I could hold onto our relationship if he was going to continue to temporarily alleviate stress by smoking marijuana or drinking. I was very clear in that I am not against those activities, but that it is very difficult for me to watch someone use drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism, especially when they have access to a world of resources that myself or an objective counsellor or therapist can help them navigate. I also made it clear that I love him but I am struggling to accept these behaviours as part of our relationship.

I know I can’t make his choices for him. Ultimately I need to make the choices that will fulfill my needs the most, and I’m not sure what choices those are yet. I’m just really proud of myself for setting clear boundaries and letting my partner know that this is something I can’t be around to watch much longer. I know not everyone is always balanced and stable, but I want to be with someone who strives to be balanced and stable. I hope I can continue to support him as he learns how to appropriately cope with stress.",10.441624477758666,7.729576121405753,9.784664536741218,67.79500614401576,59.35143769968052,12.953452936839518,42.60727451462276,11.20814326018867,4.643600835586139,1318,58,241,26,13,424,160,313,0.064,0.74,0.196,0.9909,0,0,4,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,2,3,9,20,0,5,11,0,23,4,0,7,5,56,52,27,0,6,16,0,2,5,3,1,2,1,0,3,18,11,2,1,10,1,1,4,8,6,0,1,9,5,39,14,42,37,6,23,0,0,2,1,23,7,0,10,16,170,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375593058067175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512297861303524,0.08856967520949001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475744944354317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498662324311597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427429043093983,0.12344088412152104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21996956721310945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101711505160958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764225357288776,0.15208678355195313,0.0,0.11660385697145165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561243353276386,0.102110484515419,0.06049440072730381,0.08927991507339395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134696014240857,0.0,0.0,0.10572259947599476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339946681130431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884588247469357,0.0,0.2600150457094388,0.0,0.0,0.09419931404512764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960695840067814,0.10071959102183058,0.14210397620442392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824835804224628,0.15785329140335558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152681409396515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321596430325236,0.0,0.0,0.06819055200014776,0.0,0.0,0.3428420555211753,0.0,0.1818046554297492,0.0,0.08464829281212945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104398079817362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803787823655067,0.0819455511753061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657926539444423,0.22255610761569866,0.0,0.0,0.12079103541045005,0.20064383193453367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358932559000978,0.07071645634696473,0.06820481708356133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101711505160958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193316999850716,0.0,0.17565438010839893,0.06278324487840088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749227239872301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854624499861181
ptsd,Hexofin,2020/03/25,"College help Hi,

Anyone here going through college? I just failed my multivariable calculus exam. The semester isn't over but it's looking ugly for me. I failed the class once before because a family member was hospitalized, so now I'll feel horrible if I fail it again. I might not graduate on time. The coronavirus isn't helping either. I feel like I have these responsibilities to take care of, which on their own are not incredibly difficult (I've had worse classes) but for whatever reason I just can't get myself to do these things for myself. I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do.

I 100% know I have PTSD, but I don't have an official PTSD diagnosis, hell I honestly feel like if I go and get diagnosed it'll almost be embarrassing because my trauma is not nearly as bad as what other have dealt with.  At least maybe that's what I'm telling my brain. But I have the nightmares, the triggers, the crazy adrenaline rush, the depression, the hopelessness, the panic attacks, the loss of interests in hobbies, the feeling that my brain can't pick things up as quickly as I used to... It's fucking sucks! 

Anyone else going through PTSD with college on the side?

What should I do?

I need someone to talk to right now...",4.57913947990544,6.2530008170212765,5.5195390070922015,78.74361111111112,70.61702127659575,8.796690307328605,30.07683215130024,9.2995712137729,2.7400165484633567,972,40,180,21,18,319,133,235,0.266,0.635,0.1,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,1,4,8,21,4,2,14,0,22,4,2,4,0,31,42,13,0,4,12,0,5,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,16,4,0,0,8,0,0,4,9,16,0,0,2,6,26,5,27,36,3,19,1,7,1,1,6,10,3,4,7,126,42,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778455676500086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845795772004933,0.13075313683225595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451765867321733,0.0,0.0,0.10655033299848947,0.15558166073436805,0.0,0.10858804946673828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849134379838343,0.0,0.0,0.13010850339547408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099116607125768,0.12952306024960256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106603094364501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030083375253052,0.0,0.3226212276818336,0.1823314662972495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179748428028592,0.13334355969101488,0.0,0.2175737929972361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107069470205402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402639662249649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468913717898007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071615814058508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282029770982711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537571251399394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462236431474327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590216030387653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972468530092692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44751329916760996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120595057672516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897958596398588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812487156841093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594802133393904,0.10256934842377437,0.11153813938671424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955891729649153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441133435929584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102154263224068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004709490521713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dada218,2020/03/25,"I think I have C-PTSD/self diagnosis? 
Hi everyone, I’m 18m and I’m pretty sure I have cptsd. My father is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and my mother is a covert narcissist. I was homeschooled my whole life, where I was neglected by my mother; isolated in home, it was terrible. Just recently I’ve realized how I’ve been abused by her. I have a good relationship with my father right now which helps somewhat, and I have an amazing girlfriend that means the world to me.

     After realizing my abuse and how this wasn’t how a childhood should be my life turned upside down. Three months ago I came to my senses and it’s been overwhelming emotionally and mentally. I’ve experienced hyper vigilance, emotional flashbacks, depression, anger, irritability; basically all of the symptoms. I’ve taken quizzes and they have all showed that I most likely have ptsd, but of course that isn’t a doctoral diagnosis. Growing up with a narcissist you never receive validation, so maybe I’m looking for someone to maybe just give some input.

     Today my girlfriend and I worked out together for the first time (it was the first time that I’ve done an intense workout in awhile). As my heart rate went up I started crying and felt terrified, unsafe, and experienced derealization. This was the most overwhelming emotional flashback I think I’ve ever had. I think the high heart rate reminded me of having a panic attack, and I started to actually have one. Anyways, I was just hoping for someone to maybe just write what they think about this. Thanks.",5.07212765957447,7.431540911347518,5.897464539007096,73.70875000000002,70.73758865248226,9.380851063829788,30.544326241134748,9.827888789773867,3.3796709219858148,1235,53,208,33,24,404,155,282,0.125,0.787,0.08800000000000001,-0.9251,1,0,2,0,2,0,38.0,0,1,2,3,13,14,2,3,15,0,24,9,2,3,5,45,43,18,0,2,5,4,1,1,2,1,7,0,1,0,12,16,1,1,8,2,0,4,3,8,0,4,15,4,31,6,24,26,7,29,0,4,1,0,16,10,0,5,16,143,43,2,0.0,0.24508408124132405,0.1009281507487219,0.11274881770816805,0.0,0.0,0.09168026743869236,0.11053016711889264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766118316323206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829096369574105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360780993875505,0.0,0.0,0.08908003924031863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586015317000788,0.0,0.10583996651654286,0.0,0.0,0.1199404855782862,0.0,0.0,0.3490185467566297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355408395158876,0.0,0.09882728404548748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930448484685787,0.0,0.0,0.1759469749914545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992149495896086,0.0,0.08674821508690174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24511890164069802,0.06932378283673679,0.10927448323743127,0.1037439852757874,0.10272463623369928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610466311344386,0.050528365965605164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685118407637231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117137751335843,0.1126604464461098,0.0,0.0,0.1042283529928136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255306909865542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976794932947792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008364413484901,0.0,0.0,0.12134727794468456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522068842560922,0.0,0.0,0.2417972275308279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211998338753517,0.11104004130804944,0.0,0.08832462116510169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107895119775449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526380257970803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640988629977306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747709926812,0.10749846328524024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522009912823093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650829646270921,0.0,0.0,0.12061622109385632,0.0,0.09803506907746556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249700169480388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587626764120524,0.0,0.11547062786599754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529483320062548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FlumptyMcBuckets,2020/03/25,"Extreme paranoia at night + insomnia + nightmares = :( Anyone else experience this? It's frustrating, it's like I go into into survival mode, and I keep myself awake the entire night",3.5331818181818164,6.626745272727272,5.1487121212121245,72.8430681818182,81.12121212121212,6.936363636363637,29.46212121212121,8.07648339933343,2.93379393939394,146,7,21,3,4,49,27,33,0.23399999999999999,0.691,0.075,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,11,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617179929373265,0.3607318538049129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941048511958902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443867977433872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008646213958972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31293125015622925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200101157654385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6607776761413957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kronch,2020/03/25,"Do your siblings deride you for bringing up the abuse you experienced? Haven't posted in r/ptsd, but this came up. 

# Family Makeup

(If you want to get to the question at hand without my life story, just skip to the heading ""The Dilemma"")

I am from a large family. Middle child of 7.

I never really knew my father (for the best, really. I have zero desire to know him), because he was sent to prison (rightfully so) when I was very young. Before I can remember, honestly. But my brother and I were his sons. My parents had 3 other children before us, my 3 older half-siblings (I rarely call them half-siblings, only for clarity sake when detailing family histories). This story really doesn't include my older half-siblings for the most part, only briefly. They are 10, 9, and 4 years older than me.

When I was 2 or 3, my mother met and married a new man, we will call him Harry (his name was not Harry). And they had a daughter together, my younger half-sister. So, my younger brother, younger sister, and I were all born within 3.5 years of each other, my younger half-sister being 3.5 years younger than me.  My father also had another daughter when I was 13. So, my siblings and I range in birth years from 1975 to 2003.

But really, this story focuses on me, my younger full-brother (11 months younger than me), my younger half-sister (3.5 years younger than me), my mother, and my step-father.

# The Wretched Brothers (TW: Physical and Verbal/Emotional Abuse)

So, my step-father would abuse my brother and me, a lot. Every night. He was an alcoholic, and would often beat my brother and me, along with more severe physical abuse (>!burning us with cigarettes and coffee irons, pushing us down the stairs, locking us in the basement, forcing us to sleep on tiles floors underneath a pool table.... so much. We would have bruises and burns that we had to hide from school officials. !<). Not only did he physically abuse my brother and me, he also abused our mother in similar ways. The infraction could be as mundane as ... well nothing. Sometimes, I am convinced he just did these things because he enjoyed to see us suffer. Honestly. Because we would do absolutely nothing, but get punished for it. Spilled milk? Punished. Breathed too loudly? Punished. Sat in the corner minding our own business? Punished. And by ""punished,"" I mean the abuse that I have hidden under spoiler tags.

But, though the physical abuse was intense, the emotional/verbal abuse was much, much worse. A bruise can heal, but the things he said to us affected our whole lives. This was much more than just being overly critical or saying hurtful things now-and-then. This was constant. He would call us the worse things imaginable. He refused to let us go anywhere because he said that we were thieves (we weren't). Every night, he would angrily tell us how worthless we were, calling us the most vile names. We were locked in the basement when company was over because we would ""embarrass him.""

Now, looking back to when I was a kid, from what I remember, we were pretty much like every other child (I had some bizarre idiosyncrasies, but my brother was completely normal, honestly). And asking people who knew us from that time, we were regarded as pretty delightful children, who weren't prone to mischief more so than any other child. Actually, we were described as timid and respectful.

Basically, the abuse did not match our behavior. And even if we were the terrifically unruly children that he said we were, we didn't deserve *that.*

Alongside the physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, there was also neglect. We didn't have beds, and were forced to sleep on the tile floor under the pool table. We rarely got the clothes we needed, having to wear clothes that we obviously had outgrew. And, for a time, we were homeless and couldn't get food. Much of this was due to abject poverty, but even when we weren't in dire straits, we were still not afforded the necessities. This also falls somewhat on my mother, but that is unfair to blame her for any of this, which I will expound upon later.

# The Golden Child

I suspect you saw this coming. My brother and I were abused and neglected, and my younger half-sister could do no wrong. Now, of course, she was his daughter. And in many ways, she was raised as if she was an only child. While my brother, my mother, and I were relegated to the basement floor, my half-sister lived a life of privilege upstairs. She got all the newest clothes. She had her own room with a bed. She got anything she ever wanted. And, growing up in a household like this, I assumed this is just how life was. Boys were treated like trash, and girls were treated like royalty. It made sense at the time, I suppose (mind you, I was under 12).

I cannot tell you how many times my brother and I would be punished for something my sister did. We would *watch* our sister do something terrible, then blame it on us, and we would get punished. Then our mother/step-father would praise her for being brave enough to tell! It was infuriating!!! No matter how much my brother and I protested and told the truth, no one believed us. My sister laughs about this to this day.

Now, looking back she too was being abused, just in a different way. The favorite(s) is(are) being abused just as much as the scapegoat(s). It is just a different dynamic.

To illustrate how different our lives were, my older half-sister on my father's side would call to talk to my brother and me. We weren't allowed to talk to her, but my younger half-sister would have full conversation with her. I didn't find this out until I was an adult, and my older half-sister told me. No one told us that my older half-sister called us ever. But, every time she called, she got to speak with my younger half-sister. Mind you, they are not related in any way (I suppose they share two half-brothers).

# The Nightmare Ends

From the time I was 3, until the time I was 12, this was my life (with a small respite when my mother finally got fed up with it all and left him for a few months). Nothing I did was good enough (a trait that has followed me throughout life). Daily being abused. Watching our sister live an entirely different life. And having nothing to compare it to, because to us, this was how things *are.* We didn't know it wasn't normal to be treated like this. It wasn't until maybe high school that I realized, ""Wow, people didn't live like this!"" But, it finally ended one day in October when I was 12.

Harry died unexpectedly. I shed not a single tear. I was sad for my sister. I was somewhat sad for my mother. I was sad for Harry's parents. But, in almost all ways, I was relieved and happy he was dead. So was my brother. And I suspect, my mother was at least relieved he would no longer torture any of us.

My sister was 8 years old at the time.

# My Dear Mother

I love my mother. I feel like she did the best with what she had. She loved each of us intensely. She had an infectious laugh, and a caring spirit. She was a joy to be around. Most of the time.

Counterintuitively, my most horrific memories have to do with my mother. You see, she was schizophrenic, and because of that, every single one of us children went through some awful experiences.

Now, when she was not experiencing a psychotic episode, she was the loving, amazing woman we all adored. But during those true psychotic episodes (of which she had no control over, having breakthrough episodes even on her medication), I and my siblings experienced some of the most traumatic experiences of our lives. Later in life, while I was an adult, so more prepared to cope with the trauma, my mother once blew up her oxygen tank, setting fire to her assisted living facility. Throughout the years, she had numerous episodes.

This is why I rarely blame my mother for not doing enough to protect us and herself. She was scared herself. Harry, on more than one occasion, >!threatened to kill her and my brother and me. My mother would tell us that she would often wake up with Harry strangling her in the middle of the night. Plus, he was a hunter, and kept her gunpoint - metaphorically.!< Add this with her underlying mental illness, and it is very difficult to assign any blame to my mother. She couldn't work, and at the time, she couldn't get on disability either. The one time she did find the courage to leave Harry, we ended up starving, freezing, and homeless. And then Harry came to stay with us while homeless, before eventually moving us to his car, then his parent's motorhome, and then finally.. the basement.

Since my mother was in a vulnerable position (her mental health and having no income due to disability), it just seems like predatory men found her, and made her life (and her children's lives) miserable.

In my head, yes, the experiences were traumatic, but in the same way a hurricane or earthquake is traumatic. Who do you blame?

# The Aftermath

So, now it is well over 20 years since Harry died. My mother passed in 2013 due to lung cancer/COPD. I have spent years in therapy, trying to heal. Even tried to be a therapist myself (big mistake. Trigger. Trigger. Trigger. HOSPITAL!). I have lived with daily SI since probably the time I was 9, and have had nearly 20 psych hospitalizations throughout the last 20 years. I am living knowing that I survived quite an ordeal.

But, my brother did not survive Harry's abuse. He died by suicide when he was 17. Clearly, Harry wasn't the only trauma that we had experienced. Often times when my mother would have a psychotic episode, my brother and I would be shuffled in and out of foster care. Sometimes together, sometimes apart. One time we were put in juvenile detention because we were ""too old for foster care."" We were 13 and 14. We had different privileges than everyone else because we weren't there for ""delinquency,"" which actually made us more of targets (we got treated differently by staff, so the other boys would beat us, and one >!sexually assaulted us.!<

I got emancipated when I was 16. Had my own apartment. Went into the Army. Became an Army nurse. And here's the thing - basic training was *fun.* It was a breeze compared to what I had experienced earlier in life. Got out of the Army, went to college. Made a life as best as I could.

But even now, one thing still bugs me.

# The Dilemma

So, now whenever I bring up Harry around my half-sister, she gets angry. She has said that I am exaggerating what happened, and that it wasn't that bad. I love my sister, and we are actually very close, but this is a real kicker.

She doesn't even acknowledge that her father did anything wrong. Which makes me question my own experiences. But it isn't like I am the only one saying these terrible things about her father. My mother confirmed what happened. My older siblings confirmed what happened. Even one of my half-sister's *cousins* confirmed what happened.

Which was oddly satisfying when I learned that her cousin confirmed the abuse. I was very active in church, and so during testimony, I would sometimes detail some of the experiences I had with Harry. I had a church mentor/friend who thought I was exaggerating, because to her, it sounded so outrageous, it must not have happened.

Well, I started working for this church mentor/friend, and a few years later, we bring in a new employee. Without my permission, my boss/mentor/friend starts divulging my personal history to this new employee (yes, I realize how inappropriate this is). During the conversation the new employee thought it was weird how similar it was to the story of her aunt's and uncle's family house. Turns out, my half-sister is the employee's cousin once removed (my step-father is her cousin). She then goes on to inform my boss/mentor/friend how terrible the situation actually was, and that I might even have been minimizing what happened, definitely not exaggerating. This was a cousin who I was not even allowed to see because it would ""embarrass"" my step-father. Any time she would come to visit, we were locked in the basement.

How can my half-sister not acknowledge this? At least say something like ""I know my father was a complicated man, I still love him, but I abhor what he did to my two brothers."" Or... anything? To her, ""Harry did nothing wrong, and the things he did do, y'all deserved it. And actually, it was our *mom* who messed us all up, not my dad.""

It is hurtful and infuriating. To the point that we cannot talk about her dad at all.

Anyone else experience this kind of gaslighting?",4.304898249346081,6.521387174946008,4.850174414187567,81.00919413482099,72.49892008639308,7.469681018483348,28.220638831305557,8.299357815563647,2.128929257518696,9790,384,1738,163,199,3120,658,2315,0.159,0.74,0.10099999999999999,-0.9995,18,0,5,1,17,1,501.0,76,11,5,12,91,96,13,5,111,3,229,34,9,22,15,321,312,160,6,39,52,66,4,10,0,26,17,11,3,21,110,140,4,6,28,2,1,22,47,40,3,14,164,28,325,56,219,103,56,230,5,10,8,5,314,91,0,28,118,1276,435,9,0.0,0.36242773094704855,0.08779498539073154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019229509974076645,0.01801782611122341,0.0,0.0,0.057557374210100126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734169173550044,0.01886768558397685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.012581428193538118,0.018436400630736045,0.04442119185386057,0.032035944146234716,0.01682143288787001,0.0,0.0,0.027671681854378304,0.01502376672628998,0.12065494134000405,0.0,0.04593326398541357,0.02027243967283998,0.05664900010753756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286131632011347,0.04115939250835686,0.05503651886704159,0.0,0.0,0.03099950219045582,0.018865774368039875,0.01944451106344724,0.02018116748296724,0.04309888137632451,0.0,0.0,0.023208554165805303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602303452548831,0.11279585986296024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03006241232593137,0.040480385285675706,0.04781052830530827,0.05577608523519715,0.0,0.10696044767981767,0.03255218439193297,0.07580122563177807,0.017193498334435942,0.0,0.10560619321243124,0.06785043696867031,0.0,0.00909802143126079,0.012854513634185985,0.0,0.0591327859357158,0.03289134741460044,0.0,0.02175773315176431,0.019728872856073658,0.05560673330954457,0.0,0.05640496314392555,0.0,0.010226083828979115,0.015092039673228672,0.11512795027962305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546921143409062,0.019154346255713044,0.0,0.0,0.036932911047524594,0.01912618010553081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019011052096446955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02076200826619245,0.038524688857705325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01990706999434929,0.018737393757340102,0.03955488545864917,0.014667051162270952,0.0,0.01905244972914044,0.019549919889534792,0.018399506487268145,0.12709295343672974,0.08790683508731617,0.0,0.15888532852623638,0.0,0.030219907451338707,0.0,0.0,0.015297375074842134,0.08119888846382853,0.06810329343719654,0.012010757653822113,0.03648503803007387,0.01807682404491056,0.019600125785470726,0.0,0.01812649286278667,0.036266300969236616,0.019088191167308442,0.05450472031250653,0.021073693725461997,0.02872437646666497,0.019124173922340112,0.10581796122613092,0.0133419041362816,0.013877646412973264,0.06951268699394407,0.0,0.05065685981162839,0.03525949206955027,0.08632593134381299,0.0,0.03776216664199159,0.038324842289010064,0.13412099030911526,0.08210890927501104,0.0,0.0,0.059938740913472635,0.01948513677113653,0.0,0.02494876463391792,0.01571117349443689,0.0,0.0,0.01700961216631827,0.0,0.017232736985613454,0.03661158451670556,0.0193999663514875,0.0,0.021033362744791253,0.01808837210053005,0.04031353061708711,0.019138233089748075,0.0,0.02048046841362338,0.046108221105702285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040766108726574435,0.015366295265110063,0.0684635089596853,0.04292730539701568,0.01801456752012026,0.03642063389958771,0.043015314482083705,0.016380547533323648,0.0,0.020327460040838415,0.0,0.04465306637335854,0.020225374953265037,0.03601285949704721,0.0,0.0,0.04155667627032264,0.07118386963869011,0.0,0.025471691957875325,0.019178607719083588,0.04310874155347913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019681897552047262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04338732467428865,0.06290822149769039,0.0,0.020577061185851248,0.020891765000657474,0.1075863487857334,0.0,0.017678458632886508,0.028569555174142506,0.157381750635431,0.0,0.0,0.051580495003307816,0.0,0.024432722632228614,0.019571690449151486,0.035153943098181366,0.0,0.6060288348223996,0.0,0.0,0.0593858735459832,0.02122598843737536,0.0856941075647443,0.0,0.0,0.04853477725192019,0.050040283832213615,0.0162362764823585,0.020089027711987943,0.0,0.03469005868775419,0.0,0.026198870114263702,0.0,0.03667369518808307,0.28120444091595603,0.05901898989127177,0.0,0.12745900496560958
ptsd,Gonner_Maleggies,2020/03/25,"Flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares coming back after months of relative peace Something shitty happened to me in 2018. I'm not officially diagnosed with PTSD but I have a lot of symptoms. The most prominent ones are nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts. I had them consistently for about a year until they slowly got less frequent. They still come and go but it's manageable.

These past couple days though, it as suddenly become a lot more difficult. I've had a lot of flashbacks and have no idea what was causing them. It's distracting as hell and puts me in a bad funk for a while if it's really bad. I can't focus. Worst of all is the repeating nightmares. I haven't experienced these dreams since I first experienced the trauma. Waking up in a bad mood sucks and it takes a long time to snap myself out of it. I'm sick of it.

So is this normal? Having these ""spikes"" of symptoms? I hope so because I feel like a freak. I came a long way and made good progress trying to heal. I was basically a ghost back when it first happened and I don't to be that person again.

I'm looking for any advice you guys might have. My old coping mechanisms aren't doing it for me. I wanna know how to face this without it becoming a huge problem. I feel so exhausted.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.",2.5201045751633977,5.070052200000003,3.595294117647061,86.10771241830068,79.94117647058823,6.758169934640522,24.346405228758172,7.921354282810032,1.5267777777777782,1041,38,199,19,27,335,149,255,0.221,0.679,0.1,-0.9887,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,4,3,11,17,2,1,16,0,18,8,2,3,1,36,40,20,1,5,5,0,2,1,0,1,6,0,0,2,18,12,0,0,6,2,0,5,7,12,0,3,9,5,23,4,31,29,8,34,1,0,1,0,8,6,2,7,23,140,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295890582143288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078609127376542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777211372923676,0.2895530652414929,0.07046614417375391,0.2553330215021174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221083280241952,0.0,0.1187487582764576,0.0,0.19915114151543672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790458564340354,0.0,0.07454974642247647,0.0,0.0,0.11732733272409596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689744838066073,0.08258168302657642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665150545666074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656957732824739,0.09695629659643752,0.09245254398624844,0.0,0.0,0.11445804423323372,0.2044420188843272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481274039423488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049362008138432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352844428924119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647428286780125,0.0,0.0,0.20459734138932045,0.09707138244429436,0.0,0.0,0.2948263191093332,0.0,0.10937956798185453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262890665401542,0.0,0.0,0.09226748751495614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325936867894867,0.0,0.0,0.12129837677142052,0.0,0.07833072508166908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034929830940976,0.0,0.1009338187671772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060959638254007,0.13512533765213489,0.11620573549357276,0.0,0.0,0.11562711044153562,0.0,0.07405364778143025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562206392631274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899131633335565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231497801613647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24029665347013546,0.17382735401050356,0.0,0.0,0.10642510815663944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357231465661186,0.1835403514083034,0.13480971447080745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848197968863621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175458817485882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143025369340867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443992364009351
ptsd,Fuckincloud,2020/03/25,"Anyone else struggling with the quarantine? It's not the quarantine itself. But I'm stuck with my family, in the house where it all happened for multiple years. 
They want me here to know l am safe and I understand that. I don't feel safe here though. 

I just don't know what to do.",0.903007518796997,3.3629874210526336,2.2839598997493766,93.19105263157898,87.0701754385965,6.76591478696742,18.669172932330827,7.957251820313856,0.7954330827067668,221,6,48,5,7,71,42,57,0.086,0.787,0.127,0.3182,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,14,12,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,6,2,6,11,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21469367804492667,0.3146048763649478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25649750465023746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28945560960322864,0.0,0.15525166570613702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715197329950301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542898190650094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374888650608364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209911096576511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016711018554201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196456783349258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811036655639676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977275346939757
ptsd,Apollo_Lol,2020/03/25,"I don't know how much more I can handle. TW: Drug use For backstory, I experimented with LSD 3 times, each time I did I gut dug further and further into a hole. The first time I did it, I experienced ego death, but during this I saw police and paramedics inside the place I was tripping. 

Before all this, my friend's dad was acting paranoid and panicked (sober) saying ""Someone tipped em off man"" ""You guys are on heavy shit, you don't get what's happening"" which then made me panic and hallucinate police lights and sirens. Then I went into ego death.

The next few times, the trips had a related theme of this, of me hallucinating that everything was ok, of something horribly wrong happening that I wasn't seeing. I can't make sense of what they were supposed to mean if they had any meaning at all.

Everyday since then (1 year and a half) I get sensations that I had from then, smells, touches, tastes, ""vibes"", etc. The worst of all though is the sense of unreality. Everyday I question whether or not I'm still there, because some days it feels like it. It feels like I'm trapped in my trips. Realistically, I know that I'm probably traumatized and am having flashbacks of these events. But it feels like my reality is fucked.

Sorry if this is the wrong place for this, but can anyone relate at all? Am I wrong? And if so, what the hell is wrong with me?",4.492231338803286,5.78232752471483,5.063173904342609,83.4164418651191,70.33079847908746,8.274484690814491,26.769861917150287,8.6894789155246,1.7548372623574149,1061,34,216,18,19,340,151,263,0.247,0.711,0.042,-0.9968,0,1,2,0,0,0,45.0,0,2,2,1,5,14,3,1,11,1,23,5,2,4,4,39,44,23,2,3,9,1,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,2,19,13,1,0,8,0,0,5,5,9,0,2,13,11,27,5,20,31,11,32,1,0,2,1,10,11,3,6,19,139,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898857928708608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121745021829016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080628931882497,0.0,0.0988383439386993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490960340924954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470155242022533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954221088437598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439156192801097,0.1136207221209193,0.0,0.0,0.17619258115494524,0.2489409322467161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880037820724877,0.0,0.0,0.08974015161270074,0.10738233301294084,0.1213711516089809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501054144330194,0.2054288752106867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767020131617446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702406648766265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990755102186958,0.07753357542780856,0.0,0.0,0.2530511188024404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538642101953796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235309031213884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628147862090004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24271203534625574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523346134882238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011885914901195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237017810315354,0.0,0.0,0.09255955441706942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923022494585485,0.09608363850496444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841675301184777,0.08942088381656624,0.0,0.13002468953686325,0.0,0.0,0.09276058905329078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412053638632184,0.0,0.27092090131315816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031960485247704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767575293079694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5079838631664021,0.0,0.07479925050439877
ptsd,CuteBoy25,2020/03/25,I was banned from r/depression and r/suicidewatch for taking about people who cyber bullied me Cyber bullying is as important as bullying. I suffer from depression and ptsd and anxiety. When i posted to r/depression talking about people who cyber bullied me... I was banned from that sub and was also randomly banned from r/suicidewatch and they gave me no reason for my ban.... Why...why was i banned like this?,5.2928,7.389965946666668,6.277000000000001,72.32350000000002,69.53333333333333,10.333333333333336,29.83333333333333,10.504223727775694,3.7759333333333336,326,13,52,10,6,108,40,75,0.414,0.54,0.046,-0.988,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,12,7,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,10,1,11,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359188325804167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947571636873044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6578221956192828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437758568590312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35299497563873594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438224762502034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29759675393323576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617562320113328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141656626791773,0.2046261320104132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22972376009199946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lunarxtears,2020/03/25,"Did anyone here feel like this? And what does it mean? Trigger warning!!! 

I had something happen a bit more than two years ago. Not going to go into it. But yea. But I don't have true ptsd I think. Maybe Idk. 

Anyway, the day it happened anyway, right after it I felt numb. Then wanted to cry for 5 min. Then numb.

Later on I felt absolutely nothing inside at all. The complete absence of emotion. Not numb, just there's no feeling. No fear. No nothing. And feel that way for the rest of the day. The only brief flash of strong emotion I had was when I looked in the mirror and for two seconds felt like dying. Felt like who I was was dead forever. I was dead. It never would be like before. Immediately went back to the death of the soul type thing. 

But the next morning when I woke up, it was like litteraly nothing happened at all. Like nothing happening. Just another day. Felt like myself. Just you know. Whatever.

I've heard that this means its been locked away because it was way too much, that it's a bad sign or that it mean you just deal with trauma so well? Does it mean I'm going to blow up one day? 

I did have some symptoms and still do at pretty much the same rate except for one specific symptom I think. Pretty confused about all this lol.",0.5401105882352937,3.0126672040000027,1.9096470588235304,94.46776470588236,90.96,4.221176470588237,18.552941176470586,5.900188976854957,-0.20282823529411773,971,28,201,8,34,310,142,250,0.17300000000000001,0.705,0.122,-0.938,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,2,0,1,16,17,0,2,12,2,17,5,0,1,5,44,45,13,4,2,11,0,8,7,0,1,5,1,0,0,21,6,0,0,15,0,0,5,7,7,1,5,19,10,15,10,26,24,10,34,1,0,1,0,5,10,0,3,24,136,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349437783025692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693796817226326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797233576863989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789631951886865,0.06375238196602033,0.06922607161669714,0.050540936312206214,0.0,0.07054998213105954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905158343221595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692916172753214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910723271361562,0.21387939017857488,0.08547618020675808,0.0,0.0,0.0860470983720219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451095386653309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865243318743733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932963755143972,0.12576478881329814,0.05923065085141373,0.3980311976322749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413583472907272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932668213119058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045564960229965035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28353817524948666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962320154424215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329385957155587,0.3612515385897053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189622442277445,0.0,0.06394501205710112,0.0,0.08817532407516669,0.0,0.0,0.31821607534028123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236341179332246,0.06305650393135961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869778517787806,0.0,0.0,0.09691691186624624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080436457019651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382787796722893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621173159512918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234968652639726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508146911273826,0.10625027665683916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198130780781586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890224344104245,0.13161959836665788,0.0,0.0,0.07454570763674187,0.07685805065620645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058896617002169485,0.0,0.0,0.05339107856536823
ptsd,jnh4mx99,2020/03/25,"Did I have a marijuana induced episode? Hi all!

New member here. 
Basically went through some very rough stuff throughout childhood and witnessed very scary domestic abuse between my parents. Lots of yelling (my dad can be very scary) hitting in front of me, etc.
To this day my parents are still married and the physical fighting has subsided, yet they will still get into a yelling/ door slamming match every now and then that just sends me into tears despite being 20 years old. I still hate all forms of yelling/voice raising. Even when my mom is just calling a sibling from the other room, I shudder at the sound of just her yelling. 

The other night, I was smoking with my sister and her friends. I used to be a frequent smoker, nearly everyday mostly and every single day occasionally for a few months here and there, mostly to deal with depression and such. However we were taking dabs, which I have taken before without this effect, but clearly I got much more high a lot quicker than from a bowl or blunt. Anyway, I proceeded to go lay on the couch in my basement and I SWORE I could hear my dad clear as day screaming at my mom. I knew I was super high and scared, but over and over I would hear his voice in my head. I went upstairs and checked, they were completely fast asleep.

Was this some form of ptsd that was triggered by being high? Is this possible? I just felt so scared and my heart was beating extremely hard at the sheer thought of my dad yelling. Thanks guys",4.665172077922076,6.506856939285715,4.418636363636368,86.0518181818182,70.67857142857143,6.948051948051948,30.22727272727273,7.520522993642371,1.8518571428571424,1173,49,220,13,22,357,172,280,0.106,0.831,0.063,-0.8641,3,0,1,0,8,0,32.0,1,0,2,3,17,9,2,2,13,0,22,3,3,4,4,44,38,19,0,2,8,8,3,0,1,2,0,9,3,1,10,17,0,0,5,0,1,5,1,6,0,0,15,12,34,3,33,15,15,41,0,1,0,0,23,16,0,7,20,160,44,0,0.0,0.1297611012866042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319188074878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183027780324643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482769844298925,0.0,0.0,0.08744133260165678,0.0,0.0,0.21189044301013985,0.11290840553143874,0.09432782362634053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214168902058345,0.07233570634256874,0.0,0.1845475326621145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515460042253018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461345237284743,0.0,0.057218714095924876,0.0,0.062241689488028384,0.0,0.08759167063043767,0.0,0.0,0.10844018865476213,0.0,0.0,0.09810675241340842,0.1081265012430994,0.11239721968612536,0.0,0.2468698331249139,0.12977953713664847,0.0,0.34713582087246914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862168324284668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565326713847138,0.08741634386513115,0.0,0.08050844285850366,0.0,0.0,0.10577331341384834,0.0,0.10277536645712933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492087732869025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432138938445209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346526069683035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802085869279015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192935510016025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623840123809329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537208176894596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234402041610253,0.0,0.0,0.10082959990643016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694517919562149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458851979526403,0.0,0.2710918345948136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304884778088647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557159012553444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779855277605183,0.0,0.0,0.07052609903528284
ptsd,likeadriplet,2020/03/25,"Does anyone else experience forceful/uncontrollable episodes of laughter and crying? I’m trying to find more information on this experience. I often feel like I’m in fight, flight, and freeze all at once. It’s like there’s a restless feeling where I need to do something, but I can’t move and if I could I would move far away from whatever I feel I need to do. 

Eventually my whole body shuts down by alternating between laughing and crying, very forcefully. The length of each laugh or cry varies. Sometimes the cry part is for a few minutes before the laughter kicks in for another few minutes, then back to crying. Sometimes I only get a few sobs out before a few laughs then a few sobs, etc. It legit physically hurts from the force of expression. 

I was very happy that this happened at a therapy session a couple weeks ago so that my therapist finally saw it. She said something like we have to express our emotions no matter how they present themselves, and there’s nothing wrong with it. I still want to know why it happens and if it’s a trauma response that others experience. I seriously look like a movie psychopath. I’ve been doing this since I was a kid. I can’t really pinpoint one specific traumatic incident that has caused PTSD. It’s more like my life has been traumatic in general, but I think something happened when I was 7-8 that I can’t remember. I dream about it but can’t see it. I think that’s around when these episodes started as well.",5.585849624060148,6.718866171428572,6.0452255639097725,77.96924812030078,67.64285714285714,9.180451127819552,32.951127819548866,9.414487439383343,3.0299642857142866,1168,51,215,23,19,377,162,280,0.175,0.657,0.168,-0.8036,0,0,3,0,1,0,28.0,2,0,1,0,13,18,1,1,14,0,18,2,1,2,1,37,38,19,0,7,6,0,4,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,20,11,0,0,9,1,0,2,5,8,1,1,7,8,25,10,28,29,12,26,0,3,3,0,10,13,2,4,16,144,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819190400546046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690366946732036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461770595376161,0.09468860740424637,0.0,0.08226765622108519,0.0,0.0,0.08682557642042389,0.07106031897994795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727425641711024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265062578610026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493417684677084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378470342346227,0.10225384020197477,0.5075597504725996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087172421328112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719966644706848,0.103952810167777,0.0,0.0,0.10306554156808162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27119456690146954,0.0,0.0,0.1401812094531945,0.06602026172347147,0.0,0.1012345316986962,0.08446431450251671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048282267941553575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451630028478799,0.09837594707442623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098930621320317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078807267116263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527442646127946,0.2257429734374456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760411074171338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964419663829678,0.0,0.13704695922905016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867329784744314,0.0,0.0,0.0984174193764212,0.06262181613829329,0.07028467243013768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007487377250224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802649970690767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920248932846778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468654218150712,0.0,0.08790645271877465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364163802801177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644544716922325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343340726854465,0.1827987366063188,0.0,0.06541078944933039,0.0,0.07380158391371684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056829533695394,0.10729925942437346,0.0,0.11842974831853205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627427372478284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250172140920015,0.05450790873363296,0.0,0.07412857903440705,0.0,0.08309088382103465,0.0,0.08338885883081744,0.103176433201512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564793756639062,0.10103971440595136,0.0,0.0
ptsd,_AltarEgo,2020/03/25,"They took it from me I don't feel like myself after leaving my last relationship. It was abusive , and because I was lonely , living in an appartment and dealing with my depression , I got myself into one abusive relationship and then another - a serious one . And now it's over and I feel like there's nothing left , like I'm a shell and I've given what I have to give . I don't have confidence. The abuser emotionally abused and manipulated me and I let it happen. He raped me. I tried to kick him out and leave , but he would cry and play to my emotions so I wouldn't . And now I feel so bad about myself for wasting all that time. 
I live in a shelter right now and it looks like people who help young people who need housing will help me but I feel so down on myself about how different my life would be if I hadn't met them or been abused. 
Even the friends I had at 17 ended up bullying me and I lost trust while I was sick , and now I'm a different person and I lost who I was. I don't think I'm getting who I was again . I feel like people took what was there. I want to be me again.
I miss me. And I feel broken and damaged and I don't know who I am . And I want to be someone I love and respect and right now I'm not . I got myself in an abusive relationship and didn't respect myself enough to leave . Eventually I did and I'm broken .",0.664685526954834,2.6476972922535182,2.979310344827585,91.14500000000002,83.11971830985915,5.8890723652258385,20.708596406022338,7.0983637204850245,0.4377237979601745,1037,31,234,14,29,355,128,284,0.275,0.612,0.11199999999999999,-0.9927,2,2,0,0,3,0,25.0,0,0,2,2,16,20,1,0,8,0,26,4,0,2,1,48,56,33,0,7,5,0,6,5,1,4,2,0,0,1,13,26,0,0,8,1,0,2,8,9,0,2,19,7,50,11,22,29,2,29,0,6,1,2,21,13,0,2,19,167,63,0,0.0,0.5792760237872623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544377639467954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803629194759864,0.049672295681918575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950707865803872,0.0,0.08400711199261329,0.07018262286230767,0.0,0.0,0.17026826432033054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833185619574396,0.07217122756697986,0.08419544152700248,0.0,0.05381985296119455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472065708366967,0.1746379836148791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295485031526922,0.0,0.04257237448802036,0.07816751596353992,0.0,0.0,0.1303414612869081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205662045868752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923490711748847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402236346929428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04478184106634897,0.06642087787082245,0.0,0.2588414854352937,0.08853332731990672,0.08332359107180061,0.0575550289220925,0.19904645769440085,0.0,0.1439049047385015,0.0,0.0684265964536984,0.0,0.1779002757738087,0.0,0.07354309184897427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060419846865998814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078186734053563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104322361570324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947362122524756,0.07114926677052094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26245210739233704,0.0,0.13917491796256104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904169252037254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221208334746999,0.0,0.0,0.04751436364587618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106492281929892,0.05532273897637599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612353363251687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576873670581075,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,backkk-,2020/03/26,"How to deal with hallucinations? I don’t know if this is common but i’m experiencing hallucinations/flasbacks everytime i close my eyes. I have PTSD from multiple family deaths happening in a short timespan (1 week, grandpa/dad/uncle died). I keep seeing their faces when i close my eyes or when it’s dark in my room and it’s scaring me. I can’t sleep due to fear and when i do manage to fall asleep i get nightmares and wake up with my heart pounding and sweating like crazy and my chest really tight. I’m too afraid to even move when i’m in bed because of fear of seeing them. I know it sounds crazy but it’s awful and really damn scary.",1.9752307692307696,4.217116523076925,3.5592307692307688,87.35576923076924,79.92307692307692,6.76923076923077,20.76923076923077,7.882392219407189,0.8419230769230777,508,14,107,9,13,168,82,130,0.233,0.743,0.024,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,7,6,1,4,1,1,5,9,9,1,0,19,15,15,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,10,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,7,17,1,13,15,0,17,0,0,4,0,3,8,1,2,8,58,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732319329029645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533238218922504,0.0,0.0,0.21677064450118128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795447638084346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969009231108395,0.4700661807895638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912422289631003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470012083308324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750802882667725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565030755844045,0.0,0.0,0.2295753368234845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102041712624119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22199223275627533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441539789927576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676106950616561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091119899960014,0.0,0.3328794137154429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090175272446303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754025704280298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,YoAverageGirl,2020/03/26,"Am I pathetically overly-sensitive or is this a PTSD symptom? Summary: PTSD diagnosed after abuse (emotional and physical), rape, ongoing stalking/harassment. 

Am I just a crybaby or something... I spoke on abuse support group about my feelings and a woman attacked me, told me I was nasty and I brought other people down to feel good. It was evident I didn’t do that in the post (I mentioned my ex cheating with sex worker and she took offence to the fact I mentioned her occupation, I wrote no opinion on it, just mentioned it whilst focusing on my pain). 

Anyway, being told I was nasty... I cried for a hour. I felt suicidal. I felt insanely low. ALL because some stranger online was rude?? That’s pathetic and not normal and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. 

Part of the verbal abuse i experienced was being told repeatedly that i’m a evil/horrible person. So i don’t know if this is a trigger? But is this even possible if I feel I’m over the insults from the abuse??? 

(Note: i am getting nhs counselling, it’s not great but all i can get)",1.781551155115512,4.407036816831685,3.7568564356435634,83.11881600660068,84.29702970297029,7.129042904290428,27.228547854785475,8.212053250817874,2.31543498349835,815,38,153,19,24,275,119,202,0.221,0.759,0.02,-0.9844,0,0,1,0,4,0,39.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,5,0,11,0,18,5,0,1,3,33,37,13,1,3,10,1,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,12,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,15,7,27,3,15,20,4,14,0,1,0,2,15,7,0,6,4,107,39,1,0.0,0.5824499696575114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981273735973707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491668718722289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499625336034884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473756280077815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824224523184533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811721107994582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642079134607395,0.0,0.23600020814470876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284169059855758,0.0,0.0,0.10307992055073106,0.0,0.13549404480529614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102849312309348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508162378155725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204126718416858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077075288161644,0.0,0.0,0.13308514911021255,0.0,0.08520109713417466,0.1073086574532468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854756285512776,0.1177010661123356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28731932960575884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461188328519893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344290420566217,0.1394617179363812,0.0,0.12773672684409354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522991883158025,0.13654275484160733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343682480013695,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Supernumeria,2020/03/26,"Recoiling at the feel of body heat (embarrassed) I'll spare the details behind the reasoning and get to why I'm embarrassed. I'll be at work and anytime someone approaches me or nudges/bumps into me I jerk away like I've been shocked. They all can easily assume some shit went down and they always apologize when it happens. I just really hate people feeling sorry for me even if its well intention it makes me feel otherness a feeling that's driving my self isolation and consequently my alcoholism and despair. I don't know what to do. I've only ever told two people one because something similar happened to him so wanted him to not feel so alone and my sister who I'm now certain has unveiled the information to my mom (something I never wanted to happen because she just blame herself) the point being I have no-one I trust enough to tell exactly what happened (at least not anymore), but its so obvious that at the last three places I've worked another man has admitted to having a similar experience I'm guessing as a way to show solidarity but still I feel too much shame and distrust I can't even tell psychologists. Sorry for this post being disjointed I'm scattered right now.",4.524448067070331,6.688128035398233,5.704699580810432,75.34856776897999,71.7433628318584,9.005682347461576,31.363763390777827,9.549672527348893,3.3353486725663712,960,44,163,24,19,319,142,226,0.135,0.789,0.076,-0.9223,0,2,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,2,14,13,4,3,9,0,12,3,2,3,6,39,36,16,0,3,8,2,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,8,1,0,11,1,0,3,5,9,1,3,3,6,22,4,21,30,5,22,0,1,0,0,17,10,1,5,8,111,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594514943849508,0.0,0.12205641859284437,0.0,0.0,0.098060126826245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357535286317707,0.0,0.0,0.1168749202101935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072337407533396,0.0,0.0,0.1436797792752844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090409654116536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176991508556725,0.0,0.1556768111466117,0.10660151333337102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527930945458995,0.0,0.0,0.3575291321410157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061571438220139614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982438110724406,0.0,0.41685527840807374,0.0,0.0,0.1163518666303529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647669385078979,0.09606297575676878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057575255410369876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786653778291514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802377226733425,0.0,0.0,0.08663285594555224,0.0,0.09089270884659864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985779144134797,0.08962976576811826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340384619060022,0.0,0.1231275215856198,0.0,0.11140575860049526,0.0,0.11286713170607378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549733203458417,0.12116879283512755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064272860251372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229426077786192,0.0,0.120970697433571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985339922320284,0.18145242425448285,0.0,0.2638454701230475,0.0,0.0,0.09411466897107094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601110917848567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261013515270454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512172236373905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390212381557775,0.09354335426635016,0.0,0.0,0.10596074786786444,0.10924755811404874,0.10634073726538397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715915078495964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FlammableBaby,2020/03/26,"How to return to a previously enjoyed activity after trauma? TW: rape mention I used to really like biking around my town, and it feels like a great time to start again, what with the roads mostly empty due to Corona. However, the last time I biked (a few years ago), I was sexually assaulted while taking a break in a very out-of-the-way area. I haven't biked outside since, and even thinking about it or seeing the bike makes me panic and have flashbacks. 

I want to get back out there and exercise in this weather, but it's so hard. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated, thank you.",5.9928944099378825,6.377797382608701,6.7214906832298125,76.13391304347827,66.47826086956522,9.354037267080745,29.472049689440993,9.23628265651192,2.4074223602484466,469,15,88,8,7,155,87,115,0.105,0.716,0.179,0.8735,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,8,11,2,1,8,0,5,2,0,3,0,18,16,10,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,8,7,13,13,2,20,0,0,1,1,2,7,0,3,14,55,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866667666204066,0.18021705664488447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382539426850349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098399165022727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632851071346274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428061847186046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027967976990259,0.14524068200503995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621814184793243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482875696225107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212078178858565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657201956008463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986484910176828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570724514999086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23853387292618566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024198483911473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200726037646354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817547512222156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389987894778786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307073889443617,0.0,0.0,0.15285958412528436,0.0,0.0,0.18717534838998132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026923073643015,0.0,0.0,0.237096825265036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558969948111555,0.0,0.16774739637649966,0.11991418441055288,0.16137354526087022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444215908186421,0.0,0.0,0.13092134819304732
ptsd,HereToLime,2020/03/26,"I feel like a failure because I barely let my girlfriend touch me sexually Tw: sexual assault and CSA mentions, no details



I (22F) suffered sexual abuse from the ages of 4 to 9 and then was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a friend when I was about 19.

I have a girlfriend now, who I’ve dated for a while and known for a long time, and when she touches me I go physically numb, and mentally feel fear and dread. But she wants to. She very much respects me and doesn’t do anything non consensual thankfully, but she wants to touch me. I do sexual things to her but I don’t think she wants to be the only one receiving, which is understandable. I’m not sure what to do, and how to make it easier.",3.3215631131458423,4.869547539568348,5.213001962066709,80.1947024198823,73.60431654676259,9.08332243296272,27.74427730542839,9.573946990214177,2.5349223021582734,544,21,111,14,11,187,88,139,0.155,0.763,0.08199999999999999,-0.7937,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,2,2,7,0,11,1,0,2,1,23,22,16,0,3,4,0,5,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,2,5,19,5,13,18,1,12,0,1,0,0,12,0,0,0,11,76,24,0,0.0,0.27109406850532564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828532347020996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947614790308807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574669173061088,0.2313792813699524,0.1634568652926353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677258305147275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300339829629412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23396650693511914,0.0,0.11178155868111353,0.0,0.0,0.20248340094947506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527277384235014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23057954742159595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819648652129168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550427928894153,0.17401494531588058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21564406217531606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106510055276496,0.0,0.0,0.15200650587931894,0.14660768461222867,0.0,0.0,0.13341683367788665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381919286010679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878638680416224,0.4048617043919928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,InfamousInstance1,2020/03/26,"Hi, I’m new here and I’ve been having a really hard time since I’ve recently found out I have ptsd I was wondering if anyone has the same backstory as me When I was 3 I had a really bad fever, for some reason I wasn’t getting better and it kept rising everyday until my parents called the doctor to come visit me on the 3rd day. I was having trouble eating and drinking as I had no appetite. As the doctor was about to leave my fever suddenly rose to 41 C° and I lost senses. They couldn’t find a pulse and my doctor who hadn’t left yet ran and picked me up and put me under the sink in cold water. They called an ambulance and only found a pulse again after 10 seconds. I’ve never gotten over the fear of how I could just go to sleep when I have a fever and never wake up. 
And it’s gonna destroy me, it already mostly has, I can’t stay physically alone because I’m scared of my own thoughts and all the weight and responsibilities of being alone without any help is destroying me. In my family I’m constantly having to constantly compete to be the best at everything against my cousins to be appreciated and the consequential pain slowly destroys me to a point where one day I’ll never recover properly. Idk if anyone else here relates but it’s like being a glass of water, when you drop it breaks but you put it back together and it keeps falling until one day the pieces are so small they can’t be connected ever again. 
The constant flashbacks and hallucinations like I’m high on something but I’m really just hopped up on the trauma and the constant fear of everything it caused and having to act normal every fucking day is haunting. Especially when your friends think everything is alright and even brag about how they think youve had a great childhood and how they’ve been through shit I’d never understand. Well I do and I wish I didn’t because now I have to live with the fact that I have a mental disorder that is said to have no cure and no ones gonna take me in if they know. Less jobs less friends less everything. It’s like someone is slowly vacuuming the air around me. With all the shit I had to go through as a kid I should’ve seen it coming. And the fact that I have to hide it from everyone I know including my family is like a nightmare come true. I just want a break from all the constant vigilance and the constant nightmares and flashbacks. And sometimes I think the only thing will help me is substance because it takes the pain away even for just a second and that’s all I want. Don’t worry I won’t resort to that but I’m desperate for help and advice and that’s why I came here. 
Thank you if you read until here and I hope that if you get what I mean you’ll reply with how you’re managing because any advice is very appreciated",5.036293848500254,5.373782120996445,5.9576949669547545,80.94838790035587,68.53736654804271,9.056309100152514,28.868530757498732,9.002800196639251,2.1502702999491614,2200,72,446,37,35,728,251,562,0.14400000000000002,0.754,0.10300000000000001,-0.94,2,2,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,7,5,4,30,29,6,3,35,1,48,18,4,7,12,95,90,54,0,12,14,2,2,4,2,5,8,1,1,1,22,38,5,2,13,2,0,13,16,15,1,5,23,5,56,14,56,55,13,72,0,1,1,1,26,21,3,9,38,306,78,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993857670283546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771875965697342,0.07336888497651674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042543439033283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297702632897996,0.06812269960480202,0.0,0.059186579944239225,0.0,0.0,0.062465726581559876,0.05112358177394969,0.0555129804416065,0.16211684086509748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977288923385892,0.058801408530025225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577915090692413,0.07604220009974343,0.0,0.06829937189752881,0.0,0.17181524348886812,0.0,0.4310860713004311,0.0,0.05308361084335175,0.0,0.0,0.17151171699568454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619864410137656,0.20415352192028136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513090699424877,0.0,0.06803171198686446,0.055540469240534164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782666895209543,0.06014033658811964,0.056017269605008364,0.06353016218576729,0.2390130932654722,0.0,0.12535404898843175,0.14963032707909166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060766942105459985,0.0,0.0,0.14579679689483746,0.10273374030870172,0.06146517760023865,0.06947231616109954,0.0,0.07557098055828654,0.0,0.0,0.0733009804777342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955834056124343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369236672298987,0.0702460429818612,0.0,0.06603553728540261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597703372147484,0.05909575582664454,0.0,0.0,0.07307786465405995,0.0,0.0,0.07039900768211982,0.07223716530180177,0.0,0.0,0.12992668232384855,0.0,0.05870830062544025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257725433651012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242267662994746,0.0,0.0,0.06700218703714544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051122139831462,0.06421253244676896,0.0,0.0,0.0651421021538079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515777514660504,0.10113110242163008,0.14149144957342502,0.0,0.0738247651791516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285070080699501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771850268612024,0.133673460847883,0.0,0.0,0.06650392923770672,0.0,0.1277777815179541,0.0683586166576447,0.06564684206065867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324335140254966,0.0,0.06656402170159294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649371821210482,0.05499785429762501,0.0,0.06653395254758424,0.0,0.056333318833583584,0.05118412266469555,0.06575629193069712,0.0,0.0,0.07086516281856846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997830099315244,0.0,0.0,0.06121131830534774,0.0,0.0,0.04417030240399882,0.12780451191766914,0.0,0.05278240758465299,0.038768484646406434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921420537653633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054857861159695626,0.07843025670225924,0.0,0.0,0.08096196009246115,0.059778842181852664,0.0,0.05999321709598051,0.0,0.07645554659764953,0.0640900709035114,0.0721011627919769,0.0,0.06751969652964725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,coffeeb3anss,2020/03/26,"My sons birthday is in 3 days It seems like as the years go on, the intense flashbacks from his death start to loop more often.",3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,73.61538461538461,5.2,24.538461538461537,3.1291,0.02821538461538432,100,3,22,0,2,30,25,26,0.131,0.741,0.128,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908925767939093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34446783973382195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29611607030399384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5517822772458623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290097191571046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903167343201728
ptsd,Valsana,2020/03/26,"Hi, I just have a small question for those who have ptsd that I hope isn't going to be upsetting for anyone. I've been trying to help a friend and don't know what is happening anymore and ptsd seems to be the only reason I can think of Hi. I'm just going to put anything I think my upset someone in a spoiler tag, so dw bout not reading it.

Basically, over a year ago my friend had to try support his friend through >!selfharm, and it was a serious situation as the guy had been diagnosed with depression!< and from what he says it was really heartbreaking and stressful. His mood went down dramatically and he started losing it with everyone as well as himself. So eventually he lost all his friends expect me and my bestfriend, which resulted from his outbursts from all the worry he had(the other friends were just arrogant bullies so personally believe hes better off without them) . Like, my friend I'm pretty certain had depression or an illness with similar symptoms at that time. Like, when it all combined he was telling me that he hates me because i never help him and, it obviously the stress getting to him so I knew to just let him vent and reassure him that I love him like family.

But thing now is, he never goes a day without mentioning something related to those 2 things. Like if he sees one of the old friends he will get really angry, nearly start crying and starts talking about how they all fucked him over. Thing is, he has every right to be mad, but the way he reacts is not normal, just seeing them or mentioning someone with the shared first name will set him off. Like I love him, so I'm good with supporting him, though not going to lie, I'm a prick and really aren't the nicest and he knows that I am but still stays friends with me over alot of his old friends, so I imagine his old friends had to be very nasty pieces of work if he considers me nice.

In regards to that and the >!self harm!<, he told me that its always been in his head. So from when all this started, in total thats like almost 3 years. And he got bullied alot (people assuming hes gay, being told to >!self harm or kill himself!<, everyone hates him) daily. It was bad. Like he compares it to someone with a hearing issue having a constant ringing in their hear. It never goes away. So I think its like constantly replaying in his head.

I love him so much and just want to try find a way to help him with this. He doesn't want to talk to anyone about it because he thinks he'll drag us down(since him helping a person with mental illness is one of the reasons). I also try to get him to consider talking to a doctor, but money is a problem.

Also since then he experiences panic attacks and I suspect >!self harm!< because I noticed he has >!scars!<. Like its really scary how much that affected him, the guy also told him at one point >!""I like hurting myself because of you!<

I know thats a mess, but does any of that seem similar to what you experienced? Im only asking here because ptsd is the only thing that seems like a possible reason. But its also mainly emotional truama so I dont know if here is the right place to ask.",6.736437165775398,6.419618287337662,6.953804430863258,77.47675706646301,64.99025974025976,9.779526355996945,34.35141329258976,9.247498795725024,2.9792868220015274,2499,100,472,39,34,808,276,616,0.17,0.691,0.139,-0.9736,0,0,1,0,0,1,93.0,1,1,4,5,32,57,7,5,31,0,42,13,3,8,11,94,93,51,1,9,23,0,0,11,10,3,5,4,0,4,40,25,0,0,20,1,1,5,13,22,1,4,19,7,61,34,69,65,12,53,0,5,2,5,96,21,2,15,34,320,101,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045685273037099516,0.0,0.05160780096916656,0.0,0.0,0.16485948383597746,0.042883693617368,0.0,0.0,0.03504756562785987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111178653408432,0.0720730501129127,0.0,0.042411332233899916,0.0,0.09636203115009896,0.058631845530719165,0.04842158993472792,0.0,0.0430320260741441,0.15708524537119187,0.0,0.0,0.05806560821139613,0.0,0.04558111859481381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138840509511448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056612005627816035,0.033237706834814015,0.0,0.04438955108383507,0.05230992291636339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527512641098592,0.04510119746522942,0.0,0.06040208032295859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797324422164934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043422936168608296,0.09849341807717313,0.0,0.05041399340459832,0.04858538184815958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710474228417209,0.04383814433084822,0.0,0.0,0.398180835949588,0.04764599385773538,0.0807793374637922,0.0,0.0878705947680166,0.0432275777814056,0.04121959765943888,0.0,0.0,0.10206132419421372,0.0455748289865816,0.0,0.0,0.10176608906953792,0.10578558760567164,0.0,0.11617400515849625,0.0,0.1381791757524605,0.0,0.0,0.05118880196451808,0.0,0.0,0.05517242931235415,0.0,0.05566981775169503,0.05379221802693451,0.0,0.0,0.05701909319169736,0.0,0.11329561310598862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270103412388568,0.0,0.2769671692418322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765777051218144,0.05625974819139274,0.0,0.1395450055591956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051938120357993965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577262995283653,0.0,0.11924770661790388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05049623738642303,0.0,0.0586762848021737,0.16224119115655716,0.0,0.10477032322827487,0.11759077431157428,0.0,0.06046866659631976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035729917463566664,0.09000188032538288,0.05384617665138886,0.0,0.04872001060634405,0.05810128216772033,0.0,0.0524326118822685,0.0,0.049314846986140096,0.180735277088058,0.05180986326862689,0.05773428635641795,0.0,0.051551885599086605,0.0,0.13206609294465202,0.158968753848396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802623610417347,0.0,0.040985037436376034,0.0,0.0,0.08213812901045736,0.14075461129117406,0.16129593021556685,0.0,0.0,0.08526543094355568,0.057930802454835936,0.0,0.0,0.13100378464311235,0.03967642312785232,0.0,0.0,0.1459152731073497,0.05493258531425477,0.041158264420837136,0.0,0.11807306930680803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696928417123448,0.0,0.05356765183455562,0.0,0.12427272871617592,0.04504643005121956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369580656366359,0.13209372043521633,0.05063576310126257,0.0,0.030052186513640163,0.0,0.0,0.14774012711575968,0.0,0.13996350935515706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199379455820545,0.0,0.0,0.04252419691785304,0.06079682309552041,0.08181683369443557,0.0,0.0,0.046338796349756683,0.04777618551228088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936146754414237,0.0,0.037520233188169064,0.052339278461878865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637748557141714
ptsd,tiredandpoor,2020/03/26,"I didn’t know I had PTSD until... I starting hanging out with a new guy who mentioned he was once in the military and I was instantly frightened. I realized I no longer wear the same clothes I used to love wearing, I stopped going out to clubs with my friends and just the sight of anything victoria secret related almost made me gag. 

I can’t believe it’s been almost three years.

I can’t believe how much I’ve changed.

Where has time gone?",2.7494318181818187,4.828397806818188,3.5840909090909108,88.9586363636364,76.61363636363637,6.672727272727273,30.318181818181817,7.645422480735847,1.9680636363636368,349,17,70,5,8,111,66,88,0.111,0.8009999999999999,0.08900000000000001,0.0422,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,8,3,2,3,0,17,15,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,3,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,7,1,12,2,9,8,2,13,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,2,6,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322054898204243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759340911503954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4862883937589447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282985797055576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673442774815925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264991189740525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136860309230961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860364382274967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477713429325624,0.2042048324580665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158645330883764,0.0,0.0,0.20843083916930608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298308232575039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522705789135265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275157268210748,0.0,0.0,0.1804269933205129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258406650582031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863907248473148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389746953255321
ptsd,wolfsong55,2020/03/26,Night Terrors It's been almost 6 months since I've had a PTSD episode why now? I can't sleep because my body feels so violated and I can't calm down. Touch is bad and the only thing that helps me is smoking weed but I have a drug test tomorrow for a job! I don't need a job but I don't think I should get one now. Once I have a big episode it means more to come. I know what triggered it but I don't know how to stop it. I am disassociating so hard,-0.7242245989304799,1.069079019607848,1.6773440285205012,99.55259358288772,87.23529411764706,4.885561497326204,18.09625668449198,6.1124844417494595,-0.5925411764705881,348,9,93,3,11,118,67,102,0.16,0.8190000000000001,0.02,-0.8835,2,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,6,0,13,3,2,2,0,17,21,8,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,2,3,12,1,4,18,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,54,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20806176611912225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348771264289609,0.12666082634566353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307968612363906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789841664234458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409589614669075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505986657283893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855653152573258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613016614457467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392706277347406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123793958186781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283810287757108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263334523215181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584810124796642,0.0,0.0,0.15406631859198722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498755757020197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127903565239893,0.1407971797440078,0.15802613637938656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24288382921952126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718778539083987,0.0,0.2079301660395112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371347551104152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803987229392953,0.13313710452135424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874892309019239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,darkgirl1234s,2020/03/26,"it been 4 years since i got away from my dad my dad physically, emotionally, and sexually from the age of 5 to 10. now i'm(14n) in foster care and i'm still so scared at night I've become an insomniac. i don't know why i'm writing this, or what good could come from it, but i feel like i need to get my story out.",1.9208695652173875,2.592061086956523,4.328231884057973,88.61060869565218,75.81159420289856,7.838840579710146,22.495652173913044,8.238735603445708,0.7910556521739132,241,6,61,4,5,85,54,69,0.037000000000000005,0.85,0.113,0.6032,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,12,5,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,3,10,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,6,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25389578106940924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984546227645779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755237896524825,0.0,0.0,0.23278453552327485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21576159559210226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30397932291410995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366395292443696,0.19305677667513466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118724730907342,0.0,0.0,0.2266612814519984,0.21613255486276775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851473392374165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202374444207887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037669884367285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25359834296410394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705535532189917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235421556460245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21581095760540192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438461144538605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402323599138436
ptsd,tekiah70,2020/03/26,Just looking for support right now I lost my job due to the virus. I’m really just looking for some encouragement. I’m on day two of working a temporary job as a stocker at a grocery store. It’s over night so it’s really hard for me to work. I’m not used to this. I’m just getting really panicky because I’m miserable and feel like it’s not going to get better.,1.4114285714285728,3.103380948717948,4.18648351648352,84.89423076923079,79.25641025641026,7.534065934065935,26.52747252747253,8.418075326091056,1.914624175824176,286,12,61,6,7,102,51,78,0.129,0.733,0.138,0.1656,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,4,5,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,14,3,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,4,3,4,12,13,1,9,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,1,5,33,7,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668345486983207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183797452357086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402492143151568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507863598875447,0.1484646710479256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171518512730196,0.0,0.11810732128676425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616341913276852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124530692455309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152900160605026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490282671551167,0.0,0.22685705631203365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502239297106228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993991181154829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747477941854695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23582853051297234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030072372489063,0.0,0.0,0.1794873627208892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30258683790238944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,byronwindstrom,2020/03/26,"I Just Had My First Flashback In years, It’s not Over Yet. What do I do? TRIGGERS: Death, Drugs, Suicide

I have PTSD because my ex boyfriend who was a recovering heroin addict with three years clean died of a heroin/fentanyl overdose over 6 years ago and I found his body, saw him blue with a needle in his arm, and smelled feces and death in the air. After this I suffered acute symptoms like I completely blacked out for a month.

Fast forward to tonight, my fiancé has been having major depression and nervous breakdowns. Tonight it was the worst he completely fell apart. He started behaving like my ex did before he died and I suddenly became overcome with fear of him committing suicide. Next thing you know I’m having a full blown flashback and dissociating. I came out of dissociating and I’m sobbing uncontrollably I can’t get the picture of finding my fiance dead too, images of him with a gunshot wound, hanging from the ceilling or blue from taking pills. I’ve taken my emergency klonopin and it’s helping but I’m a mess and I need more klonopin but I’m not allowed to take more. Please help.",3.01266486374038,5.784846684210527,3.480228832951948,86.29594965675058,79.76555023923444,5.740045766590392,28.70418140212191,7.079830092131019,1.7037649677553577,883,41,160,11,23,275,129,209,0.185,0.743,0.073,-0.9629,1,0,1,1,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,1,3,10,0,3,11,0,12,7,2,2,1,29,26,12,7,1,6,2,0,2,0,0,5,0,1,0,7,16,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,8,0,2,9,5,22,2,22,17,5,28,0,3,4,0,14,11,1,1,17,97,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932610009476526,0.0,0.0,0.13768536519132166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946840762340952,0.0,0.1321692943151512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725299623757308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776492912847657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257085434718316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337803441974282,0.0,0.3224036045415149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012654216038276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478269648590827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419633333125218,0.13211852551699035,0.0,0.1703047623949809,0.0,0.0,0.0811503856657361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822082271308265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536201508747235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176693338394395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239781447421452,0.0,0.0,0.11517078701870913,0.0,0.0,0.16518884919594976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049912258238434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156545844008276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993913535584064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397985187026897,0.0,0.0,0.16144112128416033,0.2335686538789196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319037202515986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000707142746176
ptsd,EthicalAdvisor,2020/03/26,"15 years since witnessing the murder of my boyfriend As shocking as this title may come across, it isn't shocking to me anymore and in fact, have become quite comfortable with it thanks to all the years of therapy I've done.  I only feel uncomfortable when i see others reactions when I tell them, and usually I do avoid ever telling anyone about it.  After 15 years it doesn't seem like I need to tell anyone anymore and if i do, it doesn't pain me the same way. 

I am over it. Yet, I'll never be fully healed.  I have moved on to the best of my abilities and quite remarkably considering the tragic nature of it. It has been a bumpy road and I've had times where i really struggled. But now, i see things in a new light.  I think EMDR really helped and i hope to help others with my  story in the future.  


RIP WK. You will be missed!",2.693229078613694,4.328198242603552,4.129691462383772,86.95528106508877,75.44970414201183,7.4321217244294155,21.538884192730347,8.192908349453996,0.9992600169061708,649,16,136,11,14,215,104,169,0.142,0.74,0.11800000000000001,-0.4939,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,3,7,13,1,2,8,0,16,2,0,0,4,23,26,12,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,12,9,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,3,4,19,5,21,19,3,25,0,2,2,0,7,8,0,4,15,94,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920491807163649,0.2059101888677776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626173226404254,0.0,0.0,0.1545214916764486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268360247472191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506797817101524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331889021876754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445002595953981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738654137856024,0.0,0.0,0.14624462075514089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193504877647583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649504188688945,0.0,0.10917814568812306,0.11356217871208026,0.14220733019583928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198424612098946,0.15667596746831347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132201789403821,0.0,0.0,0.18865410925900788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346657680130425,0.1340436707367066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180018024750185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392940448077233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860882356914685,0.1355607359231198,0.1683841647365044,0.0,0.0978211034430491,0.09434678732359393,0.0,0.0,0.08585804806677197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216636238131246,0.0,0.0,0.11687391925408787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28445723961659997
ptsd,godspeed-sweetdreams,2020/03/26,"Who was once closest to me now feels like a stranger My best friend from childhood was murdered 5 years ago. I developed pretty bad PTSD from it. 

Sometimes I like to look at pictures of her & her family to feel better. Honestly I don’t recognize them. They’ve been gone for years and I feel like I barely remember them.",2.9590476190476203,5.274087682539687,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,76.93650793650794,7.374603174603175,26.37301587301588,8.344100000000001,1.8798063492063493,256,10,50,5,6,81,49,63,0.10400000000000001,0.58,0.316,0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,2,1,9,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,4,11,7,8,5,1,8,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,8,29,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949393388048801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382753173832711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361791782476325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23078480996377684,0.19449491116413292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731412079712425,0.0,0.3335834046084885,0.3142113520744377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699040056557253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223147093941298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846712806503396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23419984715804476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373027482712066,0.0,0.0,0.25706617670608883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491182184389513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749928236860624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832331359454657
ptsd,FelizInMyBalls,2020/03/26,"Numb Even to Triggers - Need Advice & Opinions I've been doing a bunch of exposures for the past couple of weeks. It sent me into a depression relapse. Initially, the exposures were extremely terrifying during, though I felt a reduction in anxiety afterward. Lately,  I've been finding that my anxiety has been lowering while reading my trauma story the past few times. However, today my depression seemed to get worse and I felt emotionally flat without other dissociative symptoms for the first time in year. I did an exposure to try and shake myself out of it, but I just felt nothing except a little disgust and boredom. I didn't notice any physiological changes either.  I then did an in-vivo exposure that typically is my worst one of all. Nothing. Has this happened to anyone? Do you think it means I'm experiencing habituation, or am I just getting so depressed that it's blocking the response? I feel indifferent about pretty much everything today so it's hard to gauge if there's something I should be doing in response to this, so any advice would be appreciated.",6.186131260794473,8.343763191709847,7.403129533678758,64.90279447322972,67.34196891191709,10.120759930915373,35.146459412780665,10.355215969177356,4.369622728842833,868,43,130,24,15,294,125,193,0.196,0.742,0.061,-0.9674,3,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,1,9,8,1,1,11,0,18,2,0,1,1,28,31,12,0,4,8,0,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,8,1,0,2,2,8,0,2,11,6,16,0,20,16,6,21,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,4,13,100,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24723903265689315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706844112229438,0.0,0.17205588589271806,0.0,0.1935524184926752,0.0,0.0,0.08845544807475894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382583478775242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399757097366274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268764919597503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230143683220292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355555841916276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369480771370805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396488140426429,0.0,0.3643947838307551,0.0,0.1156235535658558,0.10760534467394198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218759724747148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186822016337357,0.0,0.11332390180544667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427034900672773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267915460535336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378013594327793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299595235362773,0.0938020779828006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427704969586756,0.14402712401951065,0.0,0.0,0.08572326615450583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415272489582559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287013709149253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653953544693772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516567511105118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973899614427202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148744608185714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105948902296843,0.12429081624025955,0.0,0.1475325170518353,0.0,0.239824467541468,0.0,0.0,0.08588879556734633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147492203337724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194659611621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289197096910328,0.08986573644032067,0.0,0.0,0.08146526640813849
ptsd,throwawaynotnice,2020/03/26,"Today is the anniversary of my rape There. Title says it all. Im just dissociated have been all this time, but today feels a bit different... today feels eerie",1.1950000000000005,3.7673618333333367,3.27,82.305,97.33333333333334,6.4,16.0,7.554174236665415,0.8532000000000006,125,3,23,3,5,42,26,30,0.19,0.81,0.0,-0.7269,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967864699592063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28402221102102143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749079797038052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29364136338482083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161836118249002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585161471144125,0.0,0.7730373887354364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,appilappi,2020/03/26,"Does anyone know of the phrase burning contracts? If so do you ever do so with your parents say and deal with the rage or the other traumatic feelings in this way? Does anyone find it useful, and if so care to share how you do it? I am really interested in purging all of those really really difficult emotions like say hatred say and frustration and rage, all feelings left with me as a result of the ptsd the people I had around me growing up.
Much love everyone.",5.381,6.3340997666666645,6.38666666666667,75.99000000000002,68.0,9.555555555555557,29.44444444444445,9.725611199111238,2.828444444444445,369,13,66,8,6,123,60,90,0.187,0.633,0.18100000000000002,-0.3969,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,6,9,3,0,6,0,5,1,0,3,3,21,11,12,0,2,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,5,7,5,12,10,3,8,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,3,2,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566677501858513,0.0,0.0,0.16338752609415244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712898697939495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892193800479648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321230275836884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20645528588056444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660204192041496,0.0,0.17537820299250292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560442073688585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677501952008644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086755755543796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994143223317725,0.0,0.0,0.08966728276289207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565000172481892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349213778603162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037969715173133,0.0,0.0,0.12724197901063686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454582943616896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527369824660679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378698001651313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851770283241584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568373753283398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dropmylizardteeth,2020/03/26,"Trying to co-parent with ex. ⚠️⚠️triggering My ex and I were together for 5 years. She had ptsd since the beginning but got diagnosed 3 years ago. It was unhealthy and my older stepson has autism and was constantly being loony and passive aggressive (still is) to his mom and to anyone who doesn't put him on a pedestal. 

It's difficult coparenting with her, she's extremely overprotective of our kid. ( hes 4) and often denies visits I have scheduled with him because she gets triggered, can't leave her house or is scared her older kid is being manipulated into stealing her things.

I dont know how to fix this.....
Is court a good idea?  I have Complex ptsd, and the big issue is her wanting to move a province away from me because she has ruined her name her with being anti social and she got assaulted in Jan.  by some stranger she was trying to sleep with.

I dont want her to move across country though I have no stability from her moving literally every year, my son loves me and we have a big connection though she is super selfish and acts so extreme. I'm in my mid 20s and I feel like I'm constantly numb from having my kid ripped away from me. 

Help or advice appreciated, thanks.",5.310641025641028,5.947617329059835,6.227333333333334,78.20100000000002,68.01709401709401,9.145982905982908,29.70256410256411,9.21078282632365,2.4388328205128205,941,33,181,17,15,312,142,234,0.183,0.6940000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.9438,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,0,1,6,13,2,1,6,0,26,4,1,3,0,33,38,18,0,2,3,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,18,0,0,4,0,0,6,5,8,0,0,7,1,37,5,26,28,1,27,0,1,0,1,35,10,0,4,12,121,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160641852334425,0.11031316969520974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701498403107569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23384074176568065,0.0,0.0,0.15172128939821794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26896212316292306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630926816898133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29169771760800456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485045634600992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292323712201009,0.08890368258672122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650174857170681,0.0,0.0,0.10437873752972153,0.1990604047690129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341300078663784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359306351751694,0.0,0.14048349408880456,0.0,0.12988846691729625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839183265980776,0.0,0.0,0.131769508471662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079764342869987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123166603080884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574872540612413,0.0,0.3967966902154932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909395809766401,0.12510180762182235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245913644283321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294236334292477,0.0,0.1245350824184808,0.1268562194083757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993821051201575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457242923676456,0.0,0.0,0.08267586757899505,0.0,0.24453357313197965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689802570085807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468020177447447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24041590461224335
ptsd,vivagloria,2020/03/27,"I don’t want to sleep Hi. I got out of an abusive relationship awhile ago, about 5 months ago. I didn’t think it was that bad, I thought it wasn’t abusive. About a month or two ago, I finally accepted what happened to me and started processing it in therapy, but I was in deep denial about PTSD (again, I didn’t think it was that bad). I felt like I was starting to recover, but lately I’ve started disassociating more and feeling really angry and lashing out more. At the same time, I feel more timid. I’m apologizing more. I constantly feel like I’m on the verge of tears. I also started having nightmares again. I’m already on prazosin for ptsd previous to the abuse, and it’s like the prazosin stopped working.  
Now I don’t want to go to sleep. I’m exhausted, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want to sleep bc I don’t want to face my nightmares. This morning, I woke up, but my nightmare was still happening right in front of me, like it was being acted out in my bedroom. I’ve been wanting to sleep all day. I’m dead exhausted. But I’m so scared.  
I’m thinking about taking up my therapist’s offer for extra therapy in the coming weeks to help me process.  
I felt like I was doing so well too. This sucks.  
Sorry for the long post.",1.997786561264821,3.890061901185774,3.764822134387352,87.66288537549408,78.2094861660079,6.929644268774704,26.019762845849804,7.893859768569023,1.4992988142292494,963,38,204,16,23,323,122,253,0.19899999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.12,-0.9786,0,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,0,0,0,1,13,15,1,2,8,0,19,7,5,0,1,32,53,13,1,5,6,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,11,8,0,1,10,0,0,4,8,8,1,1,16,5,26,7,33,36,7,42,0,0,0,0,5,16,1,1,26,124,37,1,0.0,0.3378262496990977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527459210190556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488076450447276,0.07600472995424834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587115254784386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186991936432972,0.0,0.1027062010907624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061293966801252674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416765979840634,0.06789773514637262,0.18250967327457387,0.10411342278125872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496553111935986,0.0,0.05401432922036778,0.0,0.07601344650685428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808993886126694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370437838332271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721105996710753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216261525605425,0.0,0.0,0.08410882164289045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172259029634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102357700913333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22219707933334867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608860800532266,0.0,0.0,0.10203910574019018,0.0,0.08116500365417928,0.0,0.0,0.09515321769970868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804409354689496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639128551081893,0.2690837231968641,0.0,0.07590034130650603,0.0794590299062535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145945209182555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737669588245084,0.11035061824373144,0.0,0.18269645124546255,0.0,0.07545241094555212,0.055419518910454366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284182917209692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28028997870990696,0.0,0.07623663546104564,0.0,0.08545380880780272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919141380120912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391306530615316,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Swagario,2020/03/27,"Thought I had somehow cured myself but recently has been popping up a ton I had some trauma happen to me about half a year ago. I felt that I had started to get over it but recently it's been popping up in my mind again, and it's been hard to shake off. I think I'm starting to notice that what's hurting me the most is remembering the times that it was so bad that I could barely function and went through multiple months like that. I really do honestly feel on the cusp of really getting over things and moving on forever but I need help. I don't want to hear that this is permanent and it will forever be with me. I want to move on and come to terms with this. Please give me any advice you can. Thank you.",3.7279729729729714,4.36868287837838,4.852270270270271,86.63462162162165,71.56756756756756,8.622702702702702,26.962162162162162,8.841846274778883,1.7667897297297297,558,18,123,10,10,184,91,148,0.126,0.759,0.114,0.0264,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,1,5,0,16,0,0,0,0,24,34,9,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,15,8,0,0,5,0,0,5,1,4,0,1,10,4,18,3,21,21,4,24,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,3,11,90,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389647664893087,0.14867586810436134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405704504458535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004127386231058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444780744715727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391276102593294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848055307349007,0.0,0.16103989335694255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752561576764805,0.1608946960045637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831644450905132,0.0,0.15024640750635365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903543658449554,0.0,0.1124208499983088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795503950863888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194073690780633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935190317963772,0.0,0.13387449181613098,0.3565249283273779,0.0,0.12436410156210533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095316718404304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410892853967367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21489464449246512,0.0,0.3312114505140955,0.0,0.18999688628314867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374296841927937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441633510002545,0.0,0.0,0.11142737007331298,0.10746979962718124,0.0,0.13315292273758844,0.09780033304652216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785414096953052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548042910863466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800778493652743
ptsd,kraken_kitty,2020/03/27,"I Can't Leave The House I tagged this post NSFW because it contains some information others may find triggering.
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I recently lost my father to a bacterial infection, and by recent I mean this February. When we were visiting him in the hospital, we had to wash our hands, use hand sanitizer, make sure not to bring in anything from outside into his ICU room... it was scary. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail on this, but this bit of information is just for context.


I became obsessed with cleaning my hands, and now with the quarantine happening across Canada, I'm in a constant state of panic. I haven't been able to leave the house (even to walk the dog or step out into the yard) for fear of getting dirty. I'm washing my hands multiple times a day and trying to save what little hand sani we have, but it's become a ritual that I cannot seem to stop. 

Mental health services have been put on hold, so trying to see or talk to someone is terribly difficult. My friends are sympathetic, but I don't want to burden them with my problems. My husband is very understanding, thankfully. He has a mask for me and we have a box of non-latex gloves that I can use.


Hubby's work has been deemed an essential service, so he's gone for 12 hours at a time 5 days a week, sometimes more if they need him to cover a shift. The other night, he came home and he had some flyers with him from the mailbox and I had a panic attack; there have been so many articles and so much information on how long the virus can live on surfaces, I couldn't handle it anymore. After I had soothed myself and hubby had washed his hands, we had a long talk and I told him that I was scared after everything with my Dad and the quarantine. Having him listen and reassure me helped a bit.


I've been keeping all of this to myself and in my head for the past 2 weeks and finally getting it out is... cathartic, in a sense. I hope that anyone else struggling during this time can find solace in the fact that you're not alone, you're not the only one who is worried, and like my Dad would always tell me:

""It will be okay. In the end, everything will turn out okay.""",5.886479750778817,5.509981401869164,6.5561214953271065,79.82154984423678,66.75700934579439,9.656697819314644,29.9828660436137,9.188382445141503,2.3131819314641757,1672,52,339,27,24,551,229,428,0.115,0.778,0.107,-0.6898,0,3,0,0,0,0,56.0,6,0,2,2,10,21,1,6,29,2,40,12,7,5,3,73,67,26,0,7,11,4,6,1,1,4,5,1,5,0,21,31,0,4,8,1,0,9,9,12,0,1,18,8,44,9,53,43,8,55,1,1,1,0,36,22,0,9,23,228,65,3,0.09836054824776967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187186399541677,0.0,0.0,0.08184385564137955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975472335940392,0.06877598233150024,0.10078200539166164,0.08094235034605522,0.0,0.0,0.11189932342162748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599596772622385,0.10863149774385887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147684870558356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249826364640923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629280943090068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686883290935946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216761671113164,0.0,0.08711825079006577,0.0,0.0,0.06496621445722789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768002368806634,0.0,0.0,0.11068296263891828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774917277981637,0.17979951829376886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599311558233741,0.0,0.10277865355508624,0.0,0.11180113257786277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697990797480369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009462995210682,0.10455266324078258,0.0,0.0,0.0659290021391078,0.0,0.09866364972141088,0.09769421812915924,0.0968653268004274,0.2269897330758529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742737467681598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829923690478352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805399549065944,0.09858310958745534,0.08685416615156184,0.17409197994666098,0.0,0.0,0.1073721575963287,0.08362262071376239,0.0,0.0,0.06565642973756071,0.09972215762473058,0.0,0.10714347242462227,0.0,0.0,0.09912429798590536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230632047184471,0.07293310020373985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923047114042592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665165308368545,0.0748076292384848,0.0,0.2308098208094441,0.0,0.0,0.09389627303051867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420221585452956,0.0,0.0,0.09411776079091597,0.0,0.09887951835472897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942383501794311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847606793239501,0.0,0.07838062217036096,0.0895437489609318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334057333829167,0.0,0.09728109728975053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822338226289365,0.0,0.10282780139321827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270365267424892,0.0,0.0,0.15811696570041972,0.08597145458520772,0.09055717767012003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206448003355107,0.0,0.0,0.09398771899943624,0.0,0.1335607114085549,0.1069880315511222,0.0,0.10239679959697237,0.0,0.16990386554349773,0.0,0.08115775345435297,0.0580155997904648,0.0,0.1577977975751029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160765059285203,0.09988991128024224,0.0,0.06987251137321872,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,christineiscool,2020/03/27,"im writing a story where ptsd is mentioned and i want to confirm if some things are possible The main character had killed his parents at a very young age but he doesn't remember. However, whenever he goes to the house where he killed them he gets flashbacks and the the criminal inside him awakens and loses his mind. Is that something that happens because of ptsd or some other mental illness i don't know about?",6.442784810126582,7.2601287215189885,6.404911392405065,77.28407594936711,65.58227848101265,9.357974683544304,36.05316455696203,9.3871,3.4624562025316465,335,16,58,6,5,106,59,79,0.23,0.7559999999999999,0.013000000000000001,-0.968,2,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,3,3,2,0,6,0,6,1,0,0,0,13,10,6,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,5,9,3,5,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,4,2,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515100702917284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726251858615576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154906049180866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23689248322236184,0.0,0.0,0.2217628312669291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542754423541717,0.0,0.11282934338213114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296819165162597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689747310912604,0.0,0.20729784223546874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22796505672230066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23144866202404776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4799772225545002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23256865626231754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805253695319116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639441274934622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939675189736686,0.12109322579277455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,parlaqil,2020/03/27,"Is it possible for psych ward to be traumatic? A few years ago I experienced a really scary event during a hospitalization. Every time I bring it up with a therapist, they seem to get uncomfortable and question my version of events. I’ve asked therapists if they think it’s ptsd and they say things like I don’t meet the criteria. 

I don’t think it’s smart to get into the details but basically I was put on a three day hold in a psych ward that I didn’t want to do. Then I was followed around by a patient until they cornered me and there was some light sexual assault. I’m not asking anyone to try to diagnose me from this. But maybe should I get a second opinion?",3.16258585858586,4.828685622222224,4.842289562289565,82.20484848484848,74.25925925925927,8.464646464646465,25.60606060606061,9.095868883498916,2.010333333333334,529,18,108,12,11,179,91,135,0.11800000000000001,0.841,0.040999999999999995,-0.8899,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,0,2,3,1,0,10,0,10,1,0,0,0,19,22,8,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,4,3,15,2,17,16,3,17,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,5,9,72,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169849367471999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339771129693691,0.0,0.0,0.17057218154950493,0.3582561502011871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357162618965745,0.0,0.0,0.19447858640657092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143841881005766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003225867095165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361023084264823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924964844957967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21600978541784285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22398007390225771,0.1926194574308649,0.21464536309373944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274930661425408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523747637172188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443317512231155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449444556795527,0.12729616828425552,0.2455499701700917,0.0,0.0,0.11172845276304352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008958879281293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301565319195432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338958694119605
ptsd,daydreamingkatz,2020/03/27,"11 years... I was diagnosed in 2018 with PTSD as a result of two armed robberies and a childhood trauma. 
Today is the 11th anniversary of the second one and even though I still have nightmare I’m grateful to celebrate another year. It hasn’t happened to me since and every time it or something similar happens to someone else, my sympathies go out to them.",6.98007462686567,7.444097716417914,7.145485074626865,73.66658582089553,64.3731343283582,10.282089552238807,37.6455223880597,10.125756701596842,4.025898507462687,285,14,48,6,4,92,56,67,0.040999999999999995,0.8590000000000001,0.099,0.5994,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,4,2,1,1,0,7,8,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,5,0,10,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25659657935737284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483724089107276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442126130763635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162663629903912,0.0,0.20617616423212626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390726021513824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432787105390698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581976619214933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28604933597577265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024241224186313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073394093905504,0.18838736973445874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542329085692892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404233414490347,0.0,0.1426905937017236,0.0,0.23195358109201397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904313832687324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151665127698506
ptsd,notafuckinusername,2020/03/27,"How do you know if it’s PTSD? Hi guys, I don’t know who else to ask.

I won’t go into tons of details about what happened with me, but someone very very close to me almost died, nearly a year ago now. It was a very stressful situation and I was critical in saving their life, and I was very close to the situation as it developed (if you need more elaboration I can try).

Afterwards I didn’t immediately go to therapy; it was at least a couple months. I was dependent on my mom to make the appointment and I wasn’t insistent enough; I didn’t actually feel like it was necessary at the time.

I posted on another sub the other day about how my sex life had been really affected by this, and I mentioned other things, that I got panic attacks when I never did before, insomnia (or, alternatively, relentless fatigue), and very moderate depression. I had, and still have, in some areas, pretty sever anxiety with things related to the event (such as ambulances, sirens, hospitals, etc, along with more specific situational things) and I couldn’t drive for a while because I’d have to pull over quite often to calm myself down.

I didn’t mention PTSD in the post, but in the comments someone said that it sounded like PTSD. I vehemently disagree; I don’t ever want to be the type to recklessly self-diagnose and I flat out don’t think that this is anywhere near the level of PTSD. But it’s stuck in my brain and I can’t get it out.

My question is, how do you know? Like what’s the line, not in a gatekeeping way but in a diagnosing way? Is there some more moderate thing that I’m looking for to define my experience? I was planning on going back to therapy, but that’s not happening anymore, obviously, and I just feel like I’m being dramatic and ignoring myself at the same time. Literally anything helps.♥️♥️",4.5964406779661005,5.7619808135593225,6.2990666666666675,75.12192203389831,69.96045197740114,10.183774011299436,30.54418079096045,10.355215969177356,3.291478553672317,1424,58,272,40,25,491,187,354,0.11699999999999999,0.816,0.067,-0.966,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,3,1,2,14,12,1,2,17,0,31,7,1,6,3,57,53,26,1,5,11,1,2,4,0,1,5,2,0,1,24,20,0,1,7,0,0,5,13,6,0,0,18,5,35,6,45,31,10,48,0,2,1,1,14,24,0,9,19,197,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.08480556345623899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703496675882023,0.0,0.0870215929086622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112620156738674,0.06648116182774047,0.0,0.08618520838082046,0.0,0.0,0.07151441485711622,0.0,0.08124331292090665,0.09886560747485007,0.0,0.06682365060482366,0.0,0.05297574404620066,0.0,0.07394872490592161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701337095073516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096157391195871,0.0,0.05604575546872706,0.0,0.07485010737279131,0.17641103599166932,0.09019241414753083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259696566973686,0.0,0.0,0.08979484638184251,0.09692069833075016,0.0,0.07860945379748023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850085825895981,0.0,0.0,0.08788233523602396,0.12416817052265652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045403643688192434,0.0,0.14816828043327987,0.0,0.06950490003481473,0.0,0.0,0.08604841553948597,0.15369746978065246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328015150176224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276543448980698,0.16982720933447634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729772966986771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800895494404003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017806690517818,0.06936577642627582,0.0,0.0,0.06443805946438116,0.06702556064340416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196287362483096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645961764832198,0.08841239736377669,0.0,0.0,0.4063435220161896,0.0,0.0973521341702204,0.0924328783420622,0.0,0.0,0.05567279346068915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266540548525342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065960645128752,0.09817654702744984,0.0,0.0,0.29305050477400385,0.0,0.0,0.1472665992688209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940147931118111,0.0,0.0995479983426548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987641162389036,0.0,0.2309400673845771,0.05568443989878488,0.0,0.0,0.10134859814575883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059001969200592114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585236421102402,0.051258107206692036,0.13796036764067282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055963191796793835
ptsd,DM_Joker,2020/03/27,"Can't study I'm trying to study for my exams but I keep getting listless and tired or my mind keeps wandering off into oblivion because that's how I used to cope with my parent's way of 'helping' me study. 

Tbh idk if this is just normal procrastinating behaviour but I whenever I want to do something important, fun or boring this happens. I really can't fail these exams and I'm running out of time. Any tips on staying focused without anything that thrives you?",3.7153333333333336,5.937931366666668,4.924166666666668,79.79625000000003,74.22222222222223,7.166666666666668,31.25,8.07648339933343,2.5283333333333338,373,18,65,6,8,123,67,90,0.08800000000000001,0.747,0.165,0.807,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,19,12,8,0,3,7,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,12,12,0,8,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,1,40,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684247985764472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381216101283786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509779657274892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939789490603054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190146806122053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600867582845572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402827960487888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250077144909538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266503131721495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27500937737450115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866440867222384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066926486415928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26398437241193984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441897374801332,0.2846614238510314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815237698318342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139082560168242,0.0,0.0,0.14608279491759085,0.19658974151679828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387460420942833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,researcherkaceemsw,2020/03/27,"Research study on drug assisted psychotherapy (talk-therapy) for a social work student :) Can you help? I am a social work student trying to learn how a new treatment may be perceived  
in different communities. You could help me understand how to reach people affected by  
\[PTSD/anxiety/depression/addiction\]. Would you please click on the link to complete an  
anonymous 5-minute survey? I would really appreciate it! Thank you!

[Survey (click me)!](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/subgroupptsd)",8.628699999999998,12.716016853333334,7.41825,58.57537500000001,67.13333333333333,11.216666666666667,37.375,10.686352973137794,5.843300000000001,404,21,48,14,8,123,58,75,0.021,0.737,0.243,0.945,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,3,0,11,9,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,8,4,0,4,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,1,1,30,8,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22162643658667505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21315563228320586,0.0,0.0,0.16231808867654107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240468196513626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357628484406302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27253470631650695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963479004206679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094225862355064,0.0,0.0,0.22316177457545272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376462077540378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302388498811057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144764266342321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340441767910344,0.0,0.1871708430312965,0.2324906681292005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802699903735738,0.0,0.0,0.21164192389131728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960088791145486,0.0,0.0,0.2888362291077543,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AFKaytlen,2020/03/27,"OD PTSD Sorry long story of overdose ..  I need some advice about something I exeprienced in which I cant really find anything similar to my personal account of seeing someone overdose elswhere online to try and get some answers, other perspectives...
although im still on the younger side, i have been through rape, death, addictions, abuse just everything in which i am grateful for because it has made me very tough and able to relate with others.. i was dead sure i could handle anything but this . this has turned my world upside downn. it happened last july and i am much better mentally now but i still struggle with ptsd and triggers... i met this kid wonderful heart but misguided (not an addict)  and still has that feeling of invincibility..anyways we were in my room and the first incident we were on my bed and he was holding himself up on top of me kissing me and then ramdomly he froze there for like 10 second movement no breath but still holding himself up.. he then fell over sideways onto the bed and was lifeless . ill admit my first reaction was wrong, i was scared, and didnt realize his breathing and heart were stopping i was just shaking him yelling his name.. luckily he popped up and was like what happened wherr am i.. but quickly fell back into his high .. i knew from there something wasnt right so i was on high alert  (he had apparently taken stuff before he got to my house that i was guessing but wasnt sure).. after that he  snorted one in front of me i begged him to stop but he wouldnt and i couldnt force him to stop in that mindset he had . he then went in to use my bathroom (separate toilet room from shower area) and i was like okay ill just keep calling his name to make sure hes okay.. ( i DIDNT THINK TO STOP HIM FROM LOCKING DOOR FML!!!) anyways it was like 1 minute i stopped calling his name and i was like oh shit oh shit i called his name no answer .. so i did that for about 20 seconds banging on door .. and then i could hear that breathing grasping for breathe noise ugh it was horrid i still hear it sometimes..  i could not get in with screw driver nothing.. my dumb ass took too long doing the wrong things to get in .. i got a hammer eventually and hit the doorknob out and could see him through the hole pale slunched over lifeless doing that breathing i cant even explain or recreate.. i ran in flipped his head back to see his face and was pale blue tongue out .. barely one breath left .. dragged him to floor and started doing mouth to mouth because at that point the breathing stopped ...while ambulance came ( he revived with narcan) .. ugh just the vision of him basically dead in my arms.. the fact that i almost failed many times, my friend who died same overdose years back could have been saved:((i wasnt there, would have tried my best) , the fact that this kid on this night could be gone right now , all the people who have died who could have been revived.. anyway my problem is this kid me and him are still friends now. but he has never talked about it or ignores if i say anything remotely to it , i guess to him everything seemed black, he didnt see what i saw so i understand why he isnt considerate towards my trauma and want to help me through it right¿ but maybe at same time he could be prideful or ashamed or depressed off of the situation so he wants to forget about it? either way ... these triggers wont go away.. the ptsd .. the me hearing anyone breathe weird in their sleep and i go into a panic and cant sleep in case someone ""stops breathing"" the sensitivity on the topic of oxys and fentanyl but everyones joking about them wanting to take them.. my favorite song was playing as this happened vok-before .. just little things everywhere trigger me and me still being friends with the person but never have gotten to talk about it or process it idk im just at a crossroad rn ..",3.702102369138904,5.7293596441136705,3.850526451446616,88.34891595248838,73.66847090663056,6.2617522606697165,27.697682410808248,7.005009785671833,1.323616775135855,3023,118,586,29,63,931,336,739,0.16899999999999998,0.732,0.099,-0.9959,2,0,3,0,2,0,101.0,2,0,3,7,37,40,5,5,21,2,68,28,21,6,8,131,116,54,6,17,26,0,2,5,3,3,4,6,7,5,41,38,0,11,14,3,1,12,19,21,0,6,43,16,84,19,85,57,8,101,0,2,7,4,69,49,5,13,44,398,125,1,0.0552292255819864,0.06543760116485374,0.0,0.12041601604848548,0.0,0.05396936003968098,0.0,0.0,0.055304091575253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861755867038151,0.0,0.13634684045693565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188967546920821,0.1274035961277151,0.0,0.06733444659128075,0.0,0.0939920062911924,0.0,0.05795966487585424,0.048845761871856026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918564295043706,0.06316752083221737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527683406738312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756885106558787,0.0,0.1146384331678139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647838261767012,0.0,0.0,0.052773891840054016,0.09927293350413184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02792555590680505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504785116201516,0.09395590213234932,0.0,0.0,0.1280098880478753,0.0,0.08656497259309548,0.0,0.06277608331249172,0.0,0.08834371396737722,0.0,0.12168243715301323,0.0,0.14651706535449624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566811190790842,0.0,0.1867420535062516,0.13089379646601446,0.037018985725495,0.11670541824453412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637271111038435,0.0,0.0,0.11931408202247636,0.0,0.0,0.04909027332689965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04501919019586302,0.0,0.0,0.060006715193361315,0.0,0.0,0.13491104941709012,0.05535419327131205,0.0,0.09775225335536708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225922863248382,0.036865936937941,0.05599376617040698,0.05548518040956873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055658069334152405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040599835558902175,0.040951770962066605,0.08519236708517021,0.0,0.0,0.05182888687834839,0.0,0.05299393148636697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484950519589305,0.0,0.0,0.0647995964190434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03828899101052384,0.09644805897530416,0.0,0.0,0.05220946983829724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284691001212265,0.19368002757816605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035381256132966284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149637063896398,0.0,0.04392049692159393,0.05529408962387095,0.0,0.1760421689476082,0.050278612705193015,0.0,0.0,0.11338401278922272,0.0,0.06207996356799385,0.11053822293638424,0.0,0.09359108722001172,0.08503631221769017,0.05462311630822598,0.06182459635573706,0.039091530130194,0.0,0.3087429162459139,0.32321873911290466,0.0,0.057737578128785175,0.06322424981492243,0.0,0.0,0.1561586744999555,0.0,0.041525504275723636,0.08878231895383623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338368678471076,0.03538865769454936,0.0,0.0,0.0644092111570465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061361701768338474,0.07499403765717545,0.06007353796183815,0.0,0.057495571594100736,0.0,0.047700318290804636,0.0,0.045569895177554894,0.0977268845644466,0.04383838855813375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051198045432435085,0.04983578573122946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989373922263284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039233257249548834,0.12076897628964113,0.0,0.03556581051351055
ptsd,mewiodas,2020/03/27,"Experiences on Cyproheptadine? I’ve been on prazosin for nightmares and night terrors. It’s worked really well, but within the last couple of weeks, I’ve had a sharp increase in nightmares again. My psych is taking me off of prazosin and putting me on cyproheptadine. Is anyone else on this? What are your experiences?",4.936309523809527,8.118443821428574,4.907142857142858,76.50452380952382,75.07142857142857,7.3047619047619055,28.97619047619048,8.344100000000001,2.566783333333334,258,11,41,5,6,80,43,56,0.040999999999999995,0.867,0.092,0.4379,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,4,1,10,4,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,4,29,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195426769089944,0.28637179765990745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30925173406822365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334790622150475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5467921134208947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22782265865426024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622835895613532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809658858537889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904924108298265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101426246206349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241910090136744,0.0,0.25129618463385617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034729468498372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JustAMemeBeingADude,2020/03/27,"Application or Warning site that prevents people from stumbling upon triggering material Hi! Does anyone know of an app or site that displays a warning or prevents you to going into certain sites that may trigger you? I have really bad PTSD, for 3 years now, and a lot of little things can trigger me bad easily on my phone. I need a way to prevent this because i have to do school work... any ideas",5.753684210526316,6.7004659473684205,6.640631578947371,74.5254210526316,67.15789473684211,8.71157894736842,33.62105263157895,8.841846274778883,3.0052557894736847,316,14,54,5,5,105,58,76,0.157,0.742,0.10099999999999999,-0.8165,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,3,1,17,8,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,10,7,1,11,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,5,2,37,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950593648776692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457116955598046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408011798265904,0.1609112277764115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23099843149391586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001796483340202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29798549176336364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506881409746056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645632852951373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244144595722651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957274494323336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300079278059111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085621363316448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910338327083005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671476914786847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753672857959822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952392968926956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217039685997012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998545399297185
ptsd,khajiitcoins,2020/03/27,"It’s never-ending Every single day is absolutely jam-packed with flashbacks, every night is almost entirely sleepless, I barely pry myself out of bed around 2pm just to repeat over again. And this is AFTER returning from a 6 week inpatient. It’s like a race that never ends. I’m so tired of fighting my own head. I can’t hold down a job. I can’t physically take care of myself. I don’t know how to get any better than I already have.",3.0791653290529686,4.532655921348319,5.0135152487961525,81.76370786516856,74.05617977528091,7.3329052969502415,22.82664526484752,7.957251820313856,1.1877948635634024,343,9,67,5,7,118,69,89,0.08,0.8140000000000001,0.106,0.2721,1,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,3,0,7,2,1,1,1,10,12,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,13,12,2,13,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,10,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207474383732315,0.0,0.2447332538273473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081400510707416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974259837436849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614118496949004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261134936340068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302595910822374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39285208476638267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37370851868187455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586782319555493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227604226764534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22007659167372198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188125528462727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834763174568132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420917432770945,0.0,0.0,0.20811998622599492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674653650532922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548967241956968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789382014311453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Icegoose1776,2020/03/27,"I just want the nightmares to stop I never want to fall asleep anymore, because if I fall asleep I know I'll have to see my friend die again. I know I'll have to relive that horrible experience every fucking night. I just want them to stop.",1.7332653061224477,3.979508040816331,2.9217959183673483,91.56963265306123,80.83673469387755,5.552653061224492,22.044897959183675,6.742157984588678,0.4721314285714282,190,6,40,2,5,61,29,49,0.22699999999999998,0.636,0.13699999999999998,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,11,9,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,5,9,0,7,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,5,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578220146994436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847630140711028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698095225734561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21903732282357594,0.0,0.0,0.2543021527911236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008534475130739,0.24033959604536306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857472337433918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050615884207587,0.0,0.0,0.24396577723092955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207163741879741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346958708201577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.460014034356632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,miikeychan,2020/03/27,"anyone got tips? I was diagnosed with C-PTSD last year due to a car crash (a truck hit me while I was trying to get onto a school bus) that occured in 2018, the horrifying hospital stay and the revision surgery that almost killed me the following year after that.


I wake up from night terrors and it really sucks because I bite my tongue (badly) and scratch myself a lot while experiencing the nightmares/night terrors. I've bitten my nails far enough where it's basically impossible to scratch myself but the tongue biting seems to be getting worse. Does anyone else deal with this and do you have any tips?",8.190789473684212,7.760281587719297,7.760350877192984,73.26578947368422,62.07017543859649,10.757894736842106,33.912280701754376,10.125756701596842,3.239343859649121,487,17,88,9,6,154,81,114,0.156,0.8440000000000001,0.0,-0.9414,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,2,9,0,5,2,1,0,0,10,12,7,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,3,3,11,0,11,7,2,16,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,8,52,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655850487714646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334855771806984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27450444905787963,0.201124781698068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389597208417436,0.11965803769421801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023688664958087,0.0,0.199232675014039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717768200825087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397712974110132,0.0,0.0,0.202822542779852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051093762140831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699298042978935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716848028279226,0.0,0.0,0.16000452161189385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688079653421256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684142790915487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294553354069485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574995100874514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986584092273381,0.0,0.1786972475116481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922160285142224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326966863325965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003874635019298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528117663687544
ptsd,Borealis_System,2020/03/27,Any coping skills? Stuck with explosive family. Nothing has happened yet. I'm worried that something will. Are there any copping/distracting skills. Particularly ones that help you not be able to hear things go on.,3.906428571428574,6.865393611111113,3.4601587301587315,79.41500000000002,99.0,6.5015873015873025,27.365079365079364,7.447530270364453,2.6554412698412704,174,8,26,4,7,52,33,36,0.11,0.812,0.078,-0.0609,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,15,4,0,0.3160970517197704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299136691984309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979881684442201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964523895176096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27952357890924845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562643505221419,0.0,0.21187319072787852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033036463097484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214195542901314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24334695351858115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100008355407748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32101189973745353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MoistPurchase9,2020/03/27,"Remission It's been over three years since I (M/23) was in a really abusive relationship with someone who abused me verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically (I got hit a few times). I've had reccuring nightmares and flashbacks that throw me back into those same states of helplessness and distress that I felt back then. I even was suicidal during that time. I guard myself to not get hurt again.  I isolate myself. 
I know that I have PTSD from that abusive relationship.

I am now in a relationship with the most amazing and kind woman (F/22) I've ever known. She understands what I've been through and how it affects me. She has helped me try to work through it and address it. Overall, I'm happy to be with her.

But lately I had flashbacks again from the previous abusive relationship. Usually I can shake them off in an hourish. But they've been sticking with me since last night. I had an emotional breakdown last night (crying fit and hitting myself). Today I'm not okay. I'm struggling really hard today. I've been irritable, isolating myself in my room, I've been tired all day which usually doesn't happen, I can't focus for shit, and I've been self loathing all day. I love reading philosophy but today I don't feel like doing that.

On top of this, I have been thinking to myself that it's all my fault and I deserve all of it and I don't deserve anyone who will be kind to me. 


Overall, with the quarantine happening and the fact I can't see my girlfriend, I'm fucking miserable. 

If no one responds or even reads this, that's fine. I just needed to get all of these thoughts out there somewhere because I don't use social media and I barely talk to anyone.",4.060447435012652,6.095918127329192,5.0021048999309885,80.44136530940881,72.69565217391303,7.875960432482171,29.006671267540828,8.626192665926032,2.3486731999079824,1335,55,245,25,27,435,171,322,0.136,0.777,0.087,-0.9264,0,2,0,0,1,0,44.0,0,0,1,2,11,17,2,4,9,1,27,4,1,3,7,48,49,19,1,2,8,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,2,2,22,19,0,1,7,2,0,2,9,9,0,2,15,4,40,8,30,29,8,37,0,3,1,2,18,12,2,3,23,170,62,3,0.0,0.4357546549356549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857883428883726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139859723854462,0.0,0.0560482391189523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009962209032908,0.11859261104002668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684936048311486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145635496423965,0.08316865657628057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046489673984992916,0.06568484726092122,0.08828070617405179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500079210138943,0.09607394191908576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353605555200425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261163846478846,0.09787615027637583,0.0823638086084428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061628158213816835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984280065121706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914911574321204,0.050530045004287975,0.14989334373566013,0.10371689252137216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04491921826233298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298309431667429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817534760948625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256652379781862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230366740250179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074776734921292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839378615262596,0.0,0.1178034248120593,0.0,0.0,0.39485399981230174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732675033336668,0.0,0.0959176957737566,0.0,0.09437924543512348,0.15211413557053746,0.0,0.0,0.09372537957366488,0.07790389468485212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611988362373763,0.0,0.100571866917872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390114412708437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891403431597213,0.0,0.07299330497169945,0.10722662919637628,0.10567615926645836,0.26145662428018074,0.0,0.0,0.0624239741750454,0.0,0.0,0.0957169980039396,0.0,0.07941013792959133,0.20252676130795635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669363630097818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920895330797048
ptsd,thatsmyproton,2020/03/28,"Has medical marijuana helped anyone? If so, what did the improvement feel like? My psychiatrist says my PTSD is ""reeeaally bad."" Memory and concentration issues, emotional numbing, and emotional flashbacks are hell. I'm usually shaking with a racing heart and shallow breath. I've gone through so many medications and nothing seems to help, and it's just been so unbearable lately that I've been wondering about looking into medical cannabis. Has anyone here found cannabis to help?

**If it does help you, can you please describe to me what specifically you notice that it's doing? Which symptoms does it help with?**

I'm leery of marijuana for a couple reasons. One is that I already dissociate a ton, and I don't want to feel more dissociated, which marijuana is known for. Second, I don't want to feel apathetic, or dull, or emotionally numb—all things marijuana is known for doing as well. Third—I do NOT WANT a panic attack or paranoia. I don't even really want to get high. Is there a way to take cannabis therapeutically without a high? I'm desperate.

Thanks so much in advance to anyone who chimes in.",3.89967435549525,6.8789364278606975,5.174176843057441,74.23920284938941,77.75621890547264,8.43066485753053,29.03686114880145,9.095868883498916,3.120112437810946,886,40,149,24,22,293,119,201,0.147,0.742,0.111,-0.6709,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,0,1,10,10,2,2,7,0,18,7,2,1,0,30,36,16,0,6,8,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,13,9,0,0,9,0,0,3,5,7,1,2,5,5,10,3,21,31,3,11,1,1,1,0,10,5,1,7,3,95,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191830445930014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23175222181702396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256878537325586,0.0,0.0,0.0922468489617801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222448981867178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933649762807822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728280718870553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297152306713503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675872284449008,0.07892750195694236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113648911732065,0.0,0.0,0.05772165541245911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092027390953864,0.370264739956066,0.23345805127241115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153132460716578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462714886023428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053975335791241114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277604242298486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201018538964456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338933331001973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121609634011627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060093023971519,0.12578311726383587,0.0,0.0,0.07486464589468968,0.0,0.0,0.12962540840675238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127473604826455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291461370257994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077682624010656,0.1135926577151996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785876248476132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057756631521604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148318482496123,0.08306780826577995,0.0,0.0,0.10171587238779957,0.0,0.0,0.07339853097500014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167898698134792,0.0,0.26065774118027435,0.08769451253977233,0.0,0.0,0.09933550283181064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649954377435876,0.11981170928187575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Luigi_has_big_boobes,2020/03/28,"Just a venting thing. Well, I had to go through a lot a long time ago. It was very traumatic and was a consistent thing for 3 years. I had a therapist, but she moved and I just can't get another.

Now, I find myself thinking everything has gone away and like I'm okay. But I'm not. Every time I see something related to it, everything comes flooding back. 

My main concern is that I just, my brain seems ""broken"". I constantly have repetitive thoughts I can't control, and they're intrusive and scary (not in a violent way but it's always something im afraid of) and I've been having this extreme problem where my brain just seems to malfunction like fucking shit. Except it doesn't manifest in me seeing what happened before, it manifests in completely seperate and mild situations and even fears. It's like it's a disease that slowly grows roots into my brain and all that, even long past it being over.

It's like I'm putting the emotions from my trauma into everything here and now, that I think about even if it's not related. And then I don't even remember why I'm feeling what I am. And things just seem to be taking over in a way where everything haunts me, but I forget why so I literally have no idea why I feel the way I do. The only reason why I realized this could be because of PTSD is because someone mentioned it. But it's just so frustrating, it's like remembering a smell from a memory but you have no idea what the smell is or the context. And these feelings linger and screw with my head. 

I don't even think any of this makes sense, I have no idea how to explain it because I keep blanking out and it's like something won't let me think about it. I really thought I was just going crazy or something but everything clicked when someone mentioned that they had the same problems. I keep feeling like I should just delete this, but I also feel like I should just post it anyway. I hope this helps me, but I feel more frustrated than I did before typing this.",3.6408470819995062,5.250090231552164,4.487017975868014,85.47276286628909,72.89312977099236,7.9208405154723796,28.19904785356645,8.558390810932622,2.032094541574325,1563,61,313,28,31,504,186,393,0.157,0.741,0.102,-0.9788,0,0,4,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,1,1,29,22,6,2,16,1,32,7,5,5,1,85,66,33,0,7,25,0,6,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,35,20,0,3,24,0,0,7,12,11,1,0,11,11,42,11,27,47,5,37,0,0,3,2,7,12,3,8,22,218,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367058104607674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057440277954938286,0.05976608015021515,0.0,0.0,0.048845037348561264,0.07531720264749914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748412697053073,0.05523077169552997,0.0,0.1313557938694239,0.0,0.12223950967921784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24054911519636596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187287195502531,0.07530957333666563,0.07761981052890281,0.08056044151321852,0.05734826648545699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079606182327134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372063211024756,0.0,0.06051761087948007,0.0,0.32276879691150395,0.0,0.0,0.08082569869785468,0.21790829217913885,0.10262689655409872,0.0,0.0,0.06564886476268611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640319542309156,0.037526807589687856,0.0,0.08164223689328558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351665755165331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371554749912675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814433527344026,0.0,0.0,0.07134073077524815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24325288777571105,0.07758582596411809,0.0,0.0,0.12768683589768862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344829616476238,0.0,0.2807295842578336,0.0,0.0,0.12712982722359933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106501475014725,0.0,0.0,0.047945290594155095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634106877412311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462790981531401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856729971689139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687907129859502,0.0,0.0,0.13745808016758887,0.0839622876455574,0.0722062905381444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601441731256984,0.07385044277090251,0.0,0.0,0.16273269227662346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447414128151312,0.19616667013341552,0.0,0.0,0.07372970678952043,0.0,0.08073691164698944,0.0,0.0,0.12171810203386613,0.22118470539325813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400520195431106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339704894991104,0.14315662966953158,0.18409617308882809,0.0,0.11404573004052865,0.08376617013866583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926505734306947,0.0,0.17103953837962024,0.0,0.0,0.06458138241110847,0.0,0.2592519195043461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625443598944532
ptsd,redscales,2020/03/28,"Karma is bullshit Dont know how to flair but TW!!

Rape, Physical Abuse, Extreme violence



Karma

Not the real one from the Hindu faith

The popular western conception

The just world fallacy

You get what you deserve.

Bad people get what they deserve

What goes around comes around

You know what that implies?

Anything bad that happens to you, you somehow deserve.
Please think about your friends with mental health issues.

Your family and friends that have suffered in life
Is that karma?

Did they get what they deserved?

It hurts me every time someone says that.

I know others have had it worse. I don't want to be the trauma gold medalist.

But I have suffered a lot in this world.

If your beliefs of ""karma"" are real, that means I'm terrible. That means I've committed so much evil. 

When my dad died at 6 was that my fault?

When my mother's husband tried to rape me at 13 was that my fault?

Was it my fault when he tried the second time 6 months later?

When he held me and my family at gunpoint at 14 was that my fault?

When I was 16 and he cut open my uncle's face and tried to break in with a crowbar,then I almost killed him defending my mom, was that my fault?

When I would beg and plead with my mother to leave was it my fault when her stare would go cold she'd call me crazy and ""dramatic"" I'd go to my room and cry quietly, was that my fault?

When she left 3 years into my engineering, I was hungry and broke, I dropped out.
Was that my fault too? 

When you insist on karma. You also insist on me deserving everything that's happened. 

As an adult I made a lot of mistakes. I know what was my fault.

My childhood was not my fault.",2.058457568807341,4.24781042201835,3.009991399082569,91.68315223623856,79.33639143730886,5.922362385321102,21.83954510703364,7.04035,0.5784068042813462,1276,38,265,15,32,405,164,327,0.32299999999999995,0.626,0.051,-0.9990000000000001,0,0,0,1,1,0,40.0,0,10,3,0,18,28,5,0,10,0,26,5,1,2,1,45,45,24,2,5,6,5,0,0,2,2,2,2,1,1,26,17,0,1,8,0,0,3,4,24,0,2,16,4,51,4,28,25,3,38,8,4,1,2,30,18,0,5,15,173,77,0,0.0,0.13944438343572352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785036147269325,0.0,0.0,0.0941173107428052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684952159247777,0.2095395734450464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965338469186141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201754916003416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138022522992106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927784562877126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214449602798895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793277113311345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991595965643567,0.0,0.10577292533588692,0.0,0.22189687239397612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818552798876055,0.0,0.1844657966597007,0.0,0.13377281679331535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20814721686489865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509984418290027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599046298586278,0.0,0.0,0.12283864493043788,0.0,0.0,0.13020746122279964,0.0,0.2587191995603216,0.0,0.0,0.12461759113775014,0.12787142641523866,0.0,0.08312851067988118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001130625886702,0.0,0.11136190486452564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563996227368563,0.0,0.0,0.11860467106627592,0.0,0.0,0.13783807257211292,0.09393969418889947,0.0,0.08651629852445755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975034931534243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159199984100443,0.0,0.0,0.1291891846597392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679158507553946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359246831180733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997190546425704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541152892207091,0.0,0.0,0.13725293374903846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397130355401141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941709822589807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993700593443835,0.16720837163807406,0.0,0.0,0.07578903306608299
ptsd,Hassaan18,2020/03/28,"I'm autistic but I fear I may have PTSD as well I was diagnosed as autistic when I was 8. I always gathered I was somewhat odd, my behaviours weren't the same as others. I always struggled to hold down friendships, my interests were somewhat left field, I was incredibly shy so I would struggle to speak up, I'd be overly emotional. 

As I moved into my teenage years, my thought patterns became more and more negative. I never found out if anxiety and/or depression setting in was the cause of it. When I was 20 I took cognitive behavioural therapy believing the main issue was social anxiety, which admittedly was true but it didn't seem to get to the root of the problem. 

When I was 21 I got to a point where I was no longer painfully embarrassed about being autistic. I slowly began embedding it into conversations with classmates at the time. There wasn't any negative response but I wasn't getting the emotional support I was after for ages. I had friends but I would be lucky to see them once every few years and we'd text intermittently. I never seemed to make genuinely good friends at school or college. There was a point at college when I genuinely had no one to talk to. 

It was only last year (after I'd turned 22) that the tide began to turn. I began my first proper job working within a studio for a television programme. I quickly realised that this is the perfect environment for me - the people working on the management team were aware of my autism but made sure I was treated the same as everyone else. Everyone I worked with was nice, but more than just nice. They'd constantly ask if I'm okay and they seemed to take a genuine interest in me. I was able to open up to them without feeling uncomfortable. This took a lot to process but had a lasting positive impact in that I believe I have friends now, even if I don't get to see them very often (such is TV life). 

Why do I believe I have PTSD? Despite all the positives that came from this experience, my weaknesses were brought to the forefront. I believed I was out of my depth, any time I got something wrong I'd give myself a really hard time. Even now I get flashbacks to the times I made a silly mistake or said something silly. I get constant flashbacks to times at school when I would be bullied particularly badly. My parents gave me a load of grief a few years ago because I was studying and not working. I was studying 3 days a week but mentally I wasn't ready to work and they just couldn't process that. I've had moments where they've been very unfair and I've become incredibly irrationally angry, and let out a scream or thrown something. One instance I began taking paracetamol tablets, such is how angry I was. It didn't have any impact on me, which is either a blessing or a curse. On the way home from college (2 years ago), one of my classmates threw a sharp object at me which led to my lip bleeding quite badly. Some of them gave me tissues but most of them walked by as though nothing had happened. I was left with some trust issues and a lack of willingness to interact with others. 

I foolishly gave a stranger a lift to a friend's a few months ago on the way home from work. He had told me he just came out of prison. That did make me more vigilant though. 

Is this something worth taking up with a professional? I know Reddit cannot diagnose me but interested to see what people reckon either way. Especially as I'm not going to have immediate access to a professional right now.",3.99848934448341,5.879979474777452,4.893427029943349,81.80583517669274,72.50148367952522,7.809830051254384,29.61359589964931,8.52124585384065,2.3238858160237394,2762,117,517,49,55,897,301,674,0.17800000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.9934,2,0,4,0,0,0,60.0,1,0,8,10,27,37,0,4,40,1,63,7,1,8,6,89,113,41,1,10,25,1,3,0,4,4,6,3,3,0,21,22,0,1,9,2,1,10,18,14,1,4,59,9,78,22,83,42,20,87,1,2,3,0,32,33,0,19,40,366,99,16,0.06158803347403648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378222699630007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249235512978727,0.0,0.0,0.12564592411800768,0.0,0.09422935406755452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757649752482848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028468708338873,0.03754349356631309,0.06801914424602858,0.0,0.2775544938236953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408806061099428,0.0,0.06326787558244727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310956927140002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039719186539867335,0.0,0.05304568298535814,0.12502111511645414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144889916371244,0.13855649627122427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135663051804735,0.0,0.0518905744719785,0.11770001056326701,0.0,0.06024491455468028,0.0,0.06930366015081456,0.031140760237824958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238674981075395,0.0,0.067528099819873,0.19033104754527208,0.0,0.16088602768922092,0.05908085367071333,0.035001898720083316,0.05165712045356518,0.09851515308623386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446209460348641,0.0,0.05517078087012554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355563831153507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856381174691126,0.061116620033517886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03384717253110838,0.10040493465333522,0.0,0.0,0.13383115714738902,0.06297793694413402,0.04350144941724752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235994365070686,0.0,0.11655217281896856,0.08222098116567386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206625208176119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049158980734862745,0.06545833282121963,0.0,0.0,0.09500097639401224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909537915678625,0.0,0.0,0.0655892456338789,0.12520093617852418,0.046840474720082514,0.06553400989559803,0.0,0.06838622272054809,0.0,0.0,0.08539477550857995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644119728926675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893143038905059,0.14398623067212887,0.0,0.0,0.0655064546205254,0.0,0.0,0.03945487129519538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052595844075529384,0.058584323351563314,0.0,0.0,0.12466075580781405,0.1472330665476986,0.1682022977699792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278124416283921,0.0,0.18965390834956394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287703695655377,0.0,0.0,0.06988937053512001,0.058045992684842077,0.0,0.1389196093414169,0.049502128393186025,0.0,0.0,0.07043128372790046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101986037743047,0.04889401912828825,0.17956238798278068,0.0,0.0,0.0588500052816335,0.13685314261458278,0.0,0.13398018994147268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163315527346356,0.0,0.14665714285409612,0.04940220551996077,0.0,0.05537503851863456,0.0,0.05557362080450665,0.0,0.0,0.059368666494871436,0.0,0.2690209312742223,0.0,0.0,0.1312511157988498,0.06733684635239114,0.0,0.1983033715714238
ptsd,crush2NE1,2020/03/28,"PTSD from face masks... Earlier this year, I got sexually assaulted while getting a massage.. I vividly remember the guy who did it wearing a face mask and every time I see one, it reminds me of that day and how gross I felt.

As the pandemic’s getting worse daily, I’m now trying to grasp the fact that any time I go out for the rest of this year or longer, I’ll see almost everyone wearing a face mask. I’m worried I’m gonna continue having really bad panic attacks and bawl right away if I have to keep dealing with this. I really don’t know what to do.",4.600372670807452,4.639406652173914,6.2084472049689445,79.81217391304348,69.43478260869566,9.701863354037268,31.211180124223603,9.606745405546679,2.7443788819875783,435,17,90,9,7,150,79,115,0.19699999999999998,0.8029999999999999,0.0,-0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,7,0,5,5,5,1,1,15,18,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,4,8,0,11,14,1,12,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,3,8,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117380076827087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982875074945452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719338056784399,0.17937093255717698,0.0,0.15940605538043565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312438478495295,0.1968249880072664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085412654630554,0.18242746959632364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330834511085534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949042168673167,0.0,0.10850139747675414,0.0,0.15269217061587026,0.0,0.0,0.1890358714306368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696940292362762,0.0,0.0,0.1049218943701156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936894890003314,0.0,0.0,0.22399762445825686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231694253256653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446100828431849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162694850001147,0.16304037187531228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30426908366635064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264815044694766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296187569989525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388345570090024,0.1945587013117988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458860087782153
ptsd,oliveranch890123,2020/03/28,"I don't like being touch and somebody yell at me When somebody touches me, I get scared, scream and push them off of me  because of my long term traumatic experience. Then people will start yelling at me for no apparent reason, which i will get scared of and cause a traumatic nightmare. then it rubs off of me and then I do the same thing with my boyfriend and a few of my family members, which I hate doing that because it become part of me, which I'm trying to cope and not use that. I was numb for a long time because I didn't want people to worry for me. And I didn't want my boyfriend go through a burden of my mental breakdowns, which he has saw 1 time because he is not usually there because he goes to a college program and I rarely get to see him.


I'm sorry for not being detailed, I don't know how to explain.",5.829326797385626,4.87248231176471,6.3531372549019585,83.15689542483662,67.05882352941177,8.967320261437909,33.00653594771242,7.793537801064563,2.161986928104575,643,24,137,6,9,210,89,170,0.21100000000000002,0.789,0.0,-0.9847,1,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,1,2,6,0,13,1,0,4,0,21,28,13,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,9,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,4,8,24,1,22,20,4,17,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,0,12,95,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4877565506289109,0.17673785800233568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439237709834725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565376523323374,0.1508597335494426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508233724327479,0.0,0.09094734540362008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579940765864423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794695727053145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818137840185646,0.0,0.0,0.28323869476335045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612701331185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732942437983364,0.0,0.22188590984600545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453497558315744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32043099234260336,0.0,0.12752123977838742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913774235372662,0.11326832467100785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631519452683184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662670447644708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864820304362673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821242404886291,0.1762477395515724,0.0,0.1887767921945485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251574655944012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,fullybased,2020/03/28,"What, exactly, are flashbacks? Hey y'all. I'm pretty new to this diagnosis, though I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with it for several years now. I'm still having a lot of trouble accepting it, and I'm also having trouble understanding a lot of things about it. 

To this end, I'm curious as to what exactly flashbacks really ARE. Like, yeah, I've read the definition, but I'm still lacking a core understanding, I think. I would welcome a variety of opinions on this subject, I think, because it seems that it can manifest pretty differently for different people and I think looking at it from a lot of different angles might help me put the picture together, if that makes sense? 

I'll provide the perspective I'm coming from, for context. 

Flashbacks are portrayed in media as, like, for example, somebody setting off fireworks near a veteran and suddenly they literally think they are back in combat or something, ducking behind rocks and yelling things out to their war buddies that aren't there and stuff. I know media portrayals of mental illness tend to be less that wholly accurate, so feel free to point out what's right and wrong about this example. 

The only other thing I know about flashbacks is that my therapist says I have them. Mine look very different from that, though. I do experience auditory hallucinations, but I can generally figure out pretty quickly that they're not actually there by figuring out the sound I'm hearing doesn't make sense considering my environment, like hearing sirens when I'm driving when there's no ambulance around, or hearing my father's voice calling me from the next room when he's 1000 miles away. 

There's not a lot of triggers that I've yet been able to identify for this other than maybe just some generalized stress. The only other symptom I'm really aware of during this is a little bit of increased anxiety, mostly because I know I'm hallucinating that healthy people shouldn't do that. 

So, if anyone out there is willing to help me gain a better understanding of this, I think that it would be really helpful for me. Thank you so much in advance!!",8.379128412290367,8.252600285347048,8.530429673154611,66.89657240788347,61.5706940874036,11.728289876361856,38.5752234055576,11.20814326018867,4.549918741584039,1697,78,281,42,21,557,201,389,0.069,0.768,0.163,0.9892,4,0,1,0,1,0,43.0,0,2,4,3,25,14,1,1,16,1,25,2,0,3,3,59,59,23,1,6,9,1,1,3,0,5,2,7,1,0,35,14,0,0,16,2,1,5,6,5,0,0,2,10,25,10,50,50,11,39,0,0,2,0,19,19,0,13,17,196,60,1,0.08222030391027155,0.0,0.08023515619499785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575154733166652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628983074444895,0.0,0.0,0.05749034821134842,0.0,0.0,0.07319350219684433,0.0,0.0,0.07724868205059875,0.06322233855052048,0.0,0.10024146824486277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727171772465094,0.08976327699800322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839561230734613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082551153545093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476552305006048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436108715463958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282278498537018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042723406361607,0.0,0.0,0.04157305610074805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27800477428964826,0.0,0.16533160974429498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555838634712944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050606214777047,0.08240634456695367,0.0,0.0,0.13808869514388658,0.0,0.0,0.2796030486344839,0.0,0.0,0.10976538262245884,0.0,0.08260134643783477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285872791968968,0.08722274928191147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044138376346804,0.0,0.0,0.07940888186368299,0.08744222597758472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506449222510516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400241245930932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772476314603728,0.0,0.0,0.3345904312382685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265411483014412,0.0,0.0,0.0822425538921961,0.0,0.15801729616837865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021569029526374,0.0,0.06538488575080467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485027670125674,0.0,0.09288554033955276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329720687073734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132248182207834,0.0,0.09418308033580652,0.0,0.09412257694189613,0.0,0.0,0.07749166339810265,0.08545837735487012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569740919436728,0.0,0.09546410996919552,0.16387054949389954,0.2634172541766941,0.16156206227311484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567827080760444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784036153278655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681388976418633,0.0898949951663394,0.0,0.05294718001966224
ptsd,Treacherousowl,2020/03/28,"Tips to stop disassociating? Hey all! Hope you’re taking care of yourselves in this uncertain time. I was wondering if any of you had tips or things you found to help with disassociating. I’m (26) M. Found out I have PTSD from frequent childhood trauma. One of my biggest coping mechanisms was disassociating and essentially “muting all my senses” so I can’t process what is going on. It’s been many years since I’ve been in or around a situation like that, but have noticed that the coping (disassociating) hasn’t left. I haven’t been able to consciously figure out why yet, but it’s caused a lot of issues and difficulties in maintaining relationships. If anybody has had anything similar or tried anything (At this point I’m desperate to try whatever could help) that’s helped please let me know. Thanks for letting me take up your time. Stay safe, friends.",4.811654611211574,7.292582841772152,5.540542495479205,75.4407594936709,71.84810126582278,8.564918625678121,28.374321880651003,9.23628265651192,2.6215283905967453,691,27,124,16,14,224,107,158,0.068,0.7929999999999999,0.14,0.9143,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,0,0,3,8,0,1,3,0,17,0,0,1,2,28,29,10,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,6,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,9,0,11,6,20,17,3,21,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,9,8,75,20,0,0.14662599389082906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997107038653382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413213992556034,0.13052822107876144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949497288193114,0.1506252857147713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170689250561159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215356683152447,0.1132828791585505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333093132551334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948409388851633,0.0,0.0,0.14563269609368235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303944299285982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058181164138517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593095713842537,0.2998700259367902,0.0,0.07163405425002928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246561766108218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865574394554662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669346658752529,0.0,0.0,0.09935756817097363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609513103325449,0.1386089579364017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713979403790775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574214441923729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129053733770664,0.1648137605216113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628380027835762,0.0,0.12258589637012687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048899915162848,0.0,0.0,0.1349935153511186,0.0,0.0,0.0974117950849105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099759234550085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990988501377086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230715327203946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900963572846122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442233274364918
ptsd,d3ad1ns1de,2020/03/28,"**Trigger Warning** Been having ptsd dreams of when I was forced into incest. I have always dealt with it and have always handled it and never really had dreams about it but once in a great blue moon but here recently every time I sleep all I do is have dreams of when I was forced into incest by an uncle with my female cousins and when I was forced into incest with one of my female cousins by my step dad. I am a guy if this matters. 

But from age 5 to 8 I was forced into incest with three of my cousins but only one of them did we carry it on for years up until we were about 17. It included kissing, messing around with our bodies together and included being sexually active with one another. 

I am now in my late 30's and seem to be the only who remembered it out of all five of us. the others have blocked it out and were in denial when I asked them 11 years ago about it. 

But it seems lately the past few weeks every time I sleep all I do is dream about those days and it gets so vivid and so in detail that when I wake up I am crying, or shaken up, freaking out, takes hours for me to calm down. 

I don't know why this is being brought back to me or why I am reliving it for the past few weeks every single night and it is really messing with my head and getting me down and out. Idk what is triggering it. 

Then I spend half of the day of just thinking about the dream and my cousin who I was sexually active with and recalling images of it in my mind. 

I don't know why this is happening and why my dreams are being triggered around this.",5.128166494668044,4.504240167182662,6.021336429308566,83.85358703130377,68.38080495356037,8.911523907808737,26.61317509459924,8.167268648758528,1.4358993464052272,1206,28,262,14,18,400,149,323,0.081,0.809,0.111,0.8803,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,4,0,2,0,18,6,0,0,9,0,34,10,5,3,4,59,45,31,0,1,9,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,24,34,0,1,6,6,1,2,3,3,0,6,11,2,37,3,55,30,6,50,0,0,2,5,15,21,0,5,27,206,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994028740123873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866142899210167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758564603512628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965178940544148,0.10483315744017233,0.0,0.0,0.0862265955525779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455916494513285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231774637406793,0.14463845197023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834413170549026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717413177760512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363167403269933,0.0,0.11103347179490712,0.09916256777562396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508513288903552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104325672169927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325536006521548,0.0,0.2529913229145582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132266191558879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648713227987592,0.0,0.0,0.10523317871623583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942247287538604,0.2279612345019817,0.17057080829848376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140953182191112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310824020057759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367594112466894,0.0,0.11072197023864863,0.0,0.12702960332938987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417101562797785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443639579878868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431322908759127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185299866538213,0.0,0.0,0.13077622223626728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348872610439444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989941770711154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047455743070843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442537817726342
ptsd,JillofManyTrades,2020/03/28,"Does anyone else? Stress is a trigger and apparently my coping mechanism would be to imagine a complete different scenario happening and me in real life playing along.

So, living in real world physically but mentally I'm talking to imaginary people but physically responding. I thought it was maladaptive daydreaming, which it could still be, but this really happens when I'm stressed af.

Ptsd is related to childhood sexual trauma and long term neglect and psychological abuse.

Im an open book so sorry if I'm doing this all wrong.",6.4131451612903225,9.156582505376342,7.468481182795702,62.2227217741936,68.03225806451613,11.101612903225806,37.43145161290322,10.9516,5.427087096774193,435,24,60,15,8,146,71,93,0.23800000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.013000000000000001,-0.976,2,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,8,1,0,1,1,19,14,11,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,3,1,6,8,2,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,38,8,1,0.0,0.2089228018987757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329438146091155,0.1806714291227794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848791683827487,0.0,0.0,0.14078555150785266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842278364483572,0.0,0.0,0.15430800377978246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730150170281467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31185694743232023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046719224408648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454744279405525,0.0,0.0,0.15570305693845934,0.15604693860546975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769966481920682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224536262634494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612091169378904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014054122065964,0.11296182981059127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738755191165014,0.0,0.0,0.14081776047556474,0.0,0.403971970787068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172777198981928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399867161193369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526012393916452,0.1927897146268735,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JuliePBJ,2020/03/28,"When will discussing trauma get easier? I started seeing a new therapist and I opened up a lot my past session on Wednesday about some of my trauma. I surprised myself considering I’ve only seen him for about a month now. I always convince myself I’m fine but the moment I start discussing everything that happens I get emotionally flooded. It’s beyond frustrating. I end up feeling so much emotional pain and yet I can never cry. But my body will shake. 

Why is it so damn hard to talk about all of this? Every time I think I’m over it, but then if I start talking about all of the trauma, suddenly I’m not okay. When does it get easier? I’m just so tired of all of it having a hold on my life. And just not being able to cry and let all the pain out.",0.6674367737525628,3.07551918181818,2.8191045796308987,89.28737867395765,87.7012987012987,5.579767600820234,19.793574846206425,7.0608816371341465,0.5789662337662342,590,18,120,9,19,199,91,154,0.218,0.662,0.12,-0.9675,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,14,12,2,1,7,1,7,5,1,0,5,24,22,14,0,1,8,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,1,4,17,4,19,17,7,26,0,0,2,0,5,8,1,3,17,85,24,1,0.15226568993186215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669725177341068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913285567164896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345134210883476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324873135974974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425568135435503,0.1348622064284513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829041093295093,0.0,0.13684658396239316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699010790162751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23865761536441865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464804674158234,0.0,0.13640015014947138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557019842714486,0.10754975983030153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294508445074692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153702100419432,0.0,0.11193280201474892,0.0,0.11743668695748308,0.14705915216376256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158049185479516,0.3240428592337296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535483026190446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133604097036173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233233171229313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447707876908149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679220188791814,0.0,0.0975657058892488,0.0,0.0,0.08878734828751099,0.17500701138882035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739610175046713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kawoooooo,2020/03/28,"(TRIGGER WARNING) Drug Use So the 24th and 25th of March I was close to Over Dosing once each day. I ended up mixing Medication without thinking too much of the possible effects of all the mix and well, ever since then I have trouble breathing when i remember it just as if it was happening back then. What can I do? I see my Psych Dr on Tuesday 31 I believe but Idk how much more i can wait like this. I keep remembering everything and feel as if i was back there. 2 days in a row at the brink of death.",1.0503496503496486,3.2322874615384656,2.9607342657342675,90.67517482517485,83.03846153846153,6.08951048951049,23.87762237762238,7.348242739294969,1.020223076923077,392,15,85,6,11,131,78,104,0.087,0.861,0.051,-0.5579999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,5,0,7,5,1,4,2,22,14,13,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,11,2,13,11,5,18,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,2,12,63,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30132630320104786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075345241498595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527257962210519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272242512193688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354167127898595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772358730408724,0.0,0.0,0.17609518276903746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990714326202748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326608903126756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741574535686024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957247260298854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738551176929894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880718927416476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866608521453825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088907743059236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439159463857111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613610287136612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208078096689346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125548262244375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922631317650938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761705351939476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887589119478207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JasonLionHeart,2020/03/28,"I live with my trigger and can’t take it anymore. Title says it all really. My trigger is my parents, especially their actions. I am 19 but it’s been difficult to try and move out because I have disabilities and the government where I’m at doesn’t really help people like me very much. I feel trapped. I feel like I’m eventually going to go crazy during one of my meltdowns and end it.",1.9226923076923088,4.23171094871795,4.2483974358974415,81.96951923076925,80.53846153846153,7.489743589743591,26.41666666666667,8.472884824447931,2.138020512820513,306,13,60,7,8,106,56,78,0.134,0.733,0.133,-0.0168,1,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,1,12,13,5,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,3,11,2,6,12,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,37,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563019071777756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754193194274976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22890012360996406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26134890837303026,0.1846287751322204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937535227661502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322612199238768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525203481018216,0.0,0.22820625055984156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746796111606287,0.1899823004214205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512486179765874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869657728211341,0.0,0.0,0.17916896689004974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33112510626740993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552095657409009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943138616169024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546302338257655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323912761258915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ImAlwaysAnnoyed,2020/03/28,"I'm more supportive of others than myself I cant seem to give myself peace for 2 seconds. Yet I always try to make people who are in a similar situation, or who are feeling down ,feel better. Why don't I care like this for myself? Anyone else here like this? Is this self hatred or part of it?",1.3351366120218555,3.36251073770492,3.656967213114754,86.95189890710384,80.96721311475409,6.033879781420765,18.36338797814207,7.1686216300943375,0.3201125683060111,229,5,47,3,6,79,47,61,0.17300000000000001,0.672,0.155,-0.2948,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,13,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,6,5,9,13,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141261159920074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765670893749536,0.260332150716559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247106652641438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590486724529627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122489257336467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569381663920707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437340337085423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482586042615547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959852600198402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27514088374601364,0.0,0.1761451620887719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313023704939265,0.2650579662552267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855934553653762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28832383311210996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250176317239427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292651836408008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Tired3330,2020/03/28,"I watched my best friend try to die and now I am constantly on edge So... long story short... my best friend/roommate attempted suicide (for the 3rd time in 2 years) by slitting his throat in front of me. I don't mean a superficial cut... I mean full adipose tissue exposed, blood everywhere cut. 
I work as an EMT, and I am surprised that I don't really break when I see similar injuries/suicide attempts. I DO find myself slightly broken pretty much 24/7 though.... I constantly have that feeling like shit will hit the fan at any moment. I don't sleep. When I do, I often have dreams about that day where my brain thoughtfully plays a scenario where he gets the dead stare and I (pointlessly) do CPR.
I go to therapy. I am on antianxiety meds. But the feeling is still always there. Does this feeling eventually subside slightly? Does anyone have tricks?",3.2636875,5.825594993750002,3.9450000000000043,84.59000000000002,77.1875,7.0,27.5,8.07648339933343,2.0041875,669,28,123,12,16,212,109,160,0.139,0.667,0.19399999999999998,0.7561,0,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,0,5,11,10,4,0,7,0,14,5,5,0,0,12,24,9,3,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,7,2,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,6,22,6,12,21,4,23,0,0,3,0,3,9,1,1,12,77,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417245032253235,0.0,0.0,0.10148244553469564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434604018244448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132182213649579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665915570714812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32253218021727204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624188479672628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487859623497802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611867462587121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263675860745284,0.10661091694561818,0.0,0.0,0.13639476401977052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305915647681526,0.0,0.07796722889441447,0.0,0.0848116237452075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290690695229475,0.0,0.0,0.13206506195285156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325113410231458,0.16576240466806538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970222402689216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182194780896302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560143368118786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891807682356485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318385161961545,0.0,0.0,0.14933913806755414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917636082746838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32646978407228594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065907147474976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661905838466682,0.1184730344734136,0.08701800899531498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013183010041126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864221102822297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961001062920717
ptsd,Der_Pande,2020/03/28,"Trust.. Why is it so hard to do? I really don’t trust anyone, even my family members. Maybe because of the ptsd was done by family members. But that shouldn’t stop me from trusting people. I just can’t start trusting people. Anyone had the experience of this? And how did you overcome it or still trying to overcome it?",1.512903225806454,4.185395370967743,3.2292741935483886,85.71391129032259,87.22580645161291,5.680645161290323,20.65322580645161,7.1686216300943375,0.9166064516129032,251,8,46,4,8,83,46,62,0.062,0.7929999999999999,0.145,0.7545,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,7,10,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,5,4,6,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33970882123033397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808099131124391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24859018055133295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044551735143905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762111144400697,0.45800428234428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176074506287855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440444953236191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368184952680596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839589732830522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561994631987128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193911368099304,0.0,0.19399519610151728,0.20309091926808848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492585891610087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191963527568612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Wiscmax34,2020/03/28,"PTSD causing nightly sleep choking/spitting episodes? I am a survivor of drug induced ptsd, relational ptsd and three years clean from my alcoholism. I still struggle with dissociation/ depersonalization.

Anyway, over the last year, I have developed a sleep issue where I wake several times during the night and act out as if I’m choking on something and then spit loogies like I’d spit outdoors. I sometimes wake up and realize what I’ve done and sometimes I don’t. 

I have mild sleep apnea and am being treated for it. Other than that, severe anxiety. 

Does anyone else have odd sleeping episodes?",5.964926624737946,8.534690000000005,5.812767295597485,74.36546121593294,68.81132075471699,7.729979035639412,35.36268343815514,8.515128840125781,3.2999048218029348,484,25,75,8,9,151,78,106,0.11800000000000001,0.8079999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.5514,0,0,3,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,8,10,8,2,0,12,9,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,8,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,8,2,10,7,0,14,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,9,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364249920092773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282262776406496,0.0,0.0,0.0939819991083058,0.13771805243288052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380752162595394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762234825139732,0.13754722083632942,0.0,0.0,0.15587193571602792,0.0,0.1122815933512343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028822642363514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956139224019074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566551880837633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522677542597386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4713512921547927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036881508274865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380248533115436,0.0,0.0,0.1034747261890755,0.26586816178568445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733931654171827,0.0,0.0,0.14051362134336642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837505313575044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311016475676655
ptsd,macalla-macalla,2020/03/29,"I'm (F20) really bad at this whole ""coping"" thing Hi. I'm new to this subreddit, so I hope I dont violate the rules with this.

I've had PTSD for a while. I was assaulted as a child, by my cousin, then again at 11 by my boyfriendwho was 16, and again at 14 by a different boyfriend. I never told anyone, even my therapists, I was ""normal"" in my eyes, because until two years ago some of the incidents never resonated as an assault. I was conditioned to think they were normal things that teen girls do with or for the older men in their lives. My therapist knew though, I think. They're trained to know, especially when a young kid is edging around certain subjects like their love life or past boyfriends.

Well, a friend who knew me and my first boyfriend (the one who assaulted me at 11), has recently started hanging out with him again after years of no connection. He's apparently VERY different now, but she doesn't know that he assaulted me. She keeps pressuring me into going to their friend's house to hang out, she keeps texting me funny things he's said to her, and I woke up early this morning read a text from her about him and fell back asleep because it was early. 

I had a TERRIBLE nightmare, I woke up and didnt even remember where I was. I won't go into details, but it SEVERELY affected me. I dont know what I want to do, I want to run away and stay put. I want to cry and I want to brush it off. I dont know what to do, because i never played into the PTSD. I didnt want my siblings or parents to know, i didnt want anyone to know. I never told anyone about that diagnosis and now? I wish i had.

This same friend also dated the other boyfriend who assaulted and stalked me (for four years, as a minor, he was an adult). I'm open about the stalking, I told her when she asked me, but I never told her about the assault. We worked together and he would wait for her (she worked in the back mostly, I worked in the front of the restaurant), but he always watched me. Always did things to make me jump, like leaving so I'd be comfortable and wait for me to relax, then he'd reappear. 

I was fine until I wasn't, and it feels like today was a breaking point. I feel scared and angry. And like no one will understand. 'Why didnt I speak up before?' 'Why didnt I tell anyone?' And I'm just scared. I dont even want a hug, or someone to hold my hand, I dont want anything. I just went to my room instead of taking a hike like I wanted and started hyperventilating, I cried. Like I never have before. 

Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I can't find anywhere else to put it. I just wanna throw up and hide. Am I overreacting? Is this all in my head?

Anyways, best wishes all, stay safe and occupied during this stressful time.",2.401530307668761,4.064812375899283,3.7523939996938616,89.22992423082813,76.32014388489208,6.890188274911988,23.34057860094903,7.69321558396912,0.9639656053880304,2115,64,455,30,47,694,246,556,0.151,0.7290000000000001,0.12,-0.9434,4,0,0,0,0,0,83.0,1,0,4,5,28,33,7,4,24,0,41,7,4,3,9,93,91,41,0,17,12,2,3,6,3,3,1,2,1,5,26,29,0,6,15,3,0,12,23,13,1,5,30,8,80,20,66,56,7,78,0,0,2,2,47,25,0,8,44,309,106,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055142582760846486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497467626162237,0.1035220966050127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398578870046508,0.0,0.051190903375064115,0.055377248545493266,0.058154969035454335,0.0,0.0584453447004511,0.09566639252002998,0.051940087065550485,0.1137620799992325,0.0,0.10586682528079283,0.0,0.06528220810326874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366625171772224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998575054780415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364529583792929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196580664677766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326103180987225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290726338781799,0.044440556719812785,0.0,0.0,0.05685589637877349,0.05291307988643696,0.0,0.0,0.14418247877583784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070712612801007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384213261364884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617853973744408,0.0,0.07177830544417764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058453999129587,0.0,0.0,0.20512341199311107,0.0,0.0,0.06586802868896449,0.0,0.0,0.04393850881197638,0.1823466278973452,0.0,0.054929751955282234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056144073763566164,0.0,0.08304705599177001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878663557894929,0.06007972368720017,0.0,0.0,0.12189892996506715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430588729405533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907329962282219,0.0,0.05938343795842314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058805541444132074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454328614320203,0.12507004919499462,0.0,0.0,0.06222364296294905,0.0,0.03985127468860844,0.0,0.06142171912019177,0.0,0.07046818801029305,0.0,0.05917292049597207,0.0,0.12455973558294782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027598761202088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052707627326648944,0.0,0.0,0.06963542963612299,0.08806059905628164,0.13260836285245362,0.0,0.0,0.07125768943955497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677177857269334,0.0,0.05437149286954903,0.0,0.0,0.14445379948403034,0.1653097588581933,0.0797192227063188,0.061117873919732175,0.0,0.036273290533408345,0.0,0.058964781202066614,0.237765086937696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076701330904656,0.06475948192354263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132713218058329,0.3302206885988121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055931391953801854,0.05766633508940858,0.11226393879483527,0.06945168062261159,0.14306952050983227,0.0,0.0,0.13586189331328288,0.0,0.0,0.04418993225409629,0.0,0.0,0.12017743623661001
ptsd,CardCatSakura,2020/03/29,"Psychiatric Service Dogs Do any of you have a Psychiatric Service Dog? If so how helpful has it been to you?

My anxiety around my trauma makes it hard for me to go out alone especially to public places with large numbers of people like grocery stores. I'm trying to figure out if a Service Dog can benefit me.

Note: I recognise the benefit of ESAs (Emotional Support Animals) but I'm specifically asking about official Service Dogs as ESA's do not have the same rights to enter public places in my state.",4.586973684210528,6.774368789473687,5.68546052631579,75.45134868421054,71.63157894736842,8.960526315789474,31.875,9.516144504307137,3.4007105263157897,405,19,68,10,8,134,66,95,0.062,0.8340000000000001,0.10400000000000001,0.6186,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,0,12,13,6,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,4,16,12,1,10,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,1,44,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27072073796982377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777538542342894,0.0,0.19996228670080787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326921131198713,0.2443639398617582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29402805639294777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485537023191351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341536904508635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520390236028613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277017285382664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744795512116672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812145986987868,0.0,0.5461928818220884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22322524347905556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966217584016036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774663431991653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gusfringsrighteye,2020/03/29,"anger? first time poster, long time... sufferer? anyway, i've been SO angry ever since COVID trapped us all inside, every little noise has been pissing me off. i've never experienced anger related to my PTSD before this - how does anger impact you? how has coping with COVID been for you? i'm sorry, just looking for support/answers",3.422714285714285,6.422696033333337,3.8795238095238105,82.51500000000003,80.33333333333334,5.428571428571429,21.904761904761905,6.868970318607317,0.9659761904761904,262,8,42,3,7,82,47,60,0.358,0.642,0.0,-0.9794,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,2,0,1,6,5,4,0,0,0,5,1,1,2,3,7,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,2,5,0,5,4,1,8,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,6,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22559202421772814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23200257159527266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398102986547031,0.22336952062306525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255053699308641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657133303512595,0.0,0.2346170656040979,0.22262853220440013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044718407127374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099034424731937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930459010910688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967728084264041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30084760771935065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091795759347838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188988445714991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,millhb,2020/03/29,"Who can give you a diagnosis? I’ve started seeing a counsellor lately, and she seems to think I have ptsd. Can a counsellor give you a diagnosis, or do you need to see a psychiatrist? I told my GP about my symptoms a while ago but she belittled the whole thing and tried to put me on anxiety pills which don’t really work for me. I’m in the UK in case that’s important. 
I started reading about ptsd after my counsellor said that and suddenly everything I’ve felt these past couple of months is starting to make sense. But I still have this feeling of not being valid, and guilt because other people are having it way worse than me. So I think getting a diagnosis would really help me take my own feelings seriously if you know what I mean...",3.622374429223744,5.4478605753424665,5.1577397260273985,79.75432648401828,73.38356164383562,8.976255707762556,27.235159817351605,9.516144504307137,2.548376255707762,588,22,114,15,12,198,97,146,0.106,0.8370000000000001,0.057,-0.7983,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,1,4,2,0,1,9,0,11,2,0,1,0,20,33,10,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,6,20,0,14,28,2,16,0,0,2,0,12,3,0,3,11,78,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344022924198938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598915308629253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924263583412748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776503390081424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626659444217626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332760973227585,0.0,0.1455793136720443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921537520765408,0.2908961118832833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162792488260224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332657938914324,0.0,0.1710343594181237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012077612724956,0.0,0.0,0.16515901066204178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102191718165255,0.0,0.0,0.11242456867952956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473878069878218,0.1051144602151608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544721518471767,0.1524203300177277,0.0,0.0,0.1516613810638449,0.0,0.19426375791040806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442256739828608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416435779013861,0.13802947258184184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219529932891658,0.0,0.12108420772034127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759159850633775,0.11399963414824195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072982365679437,0.19430439680582015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448797423963422,0.0,0.1029402653300891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034917683582146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927870659553454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038142091268237,0.0,0.15451409039106875,0.10770674675484086,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,doublependulum72,2020/03/29,"BPD or PTSD, anyone here been misdiagnosed? Recently been diagnosed with BPD and I still do not fully believe it was the right diagnosis. I asked my psychiatrist, ""Are you sure it isn't CPTSD"" and he said ""BPD does not belittle your trauma"", this helped to hear at the time but something just doesn't feel right about me having BPD. I know I have trauma from an abusive 3 year relationship in which there was one incidence of rape, also date rape in the same year, struggles with school and a few medical withdrawals from school which I consider traumatic, dating someone with BPD but I don't know if this means I have PTSD or if I have hangups about the diagnosis and can't accept it.",5.574222222222222,6.8462200461538485,5.7464102564102575,79.590811965812,67.76923076923077,9.47008547008547,29.05982905982906,9.725611199111238,2.6058803418803413,546,19,104,12,9,173,83,130,0.23399999999999999,0.743,0.023,-0.9885,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,7,7,2,1,6,0,14,4,0,0,1,24,21,11,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,5,3,12,2,12,16,2,12,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,4,7,71,19,2,0.0,0.13828442307279198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333440111792464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160761895534775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091097977335598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149425539511486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.734972264537048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846004158986954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213530109815393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059013003515074165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154270466753273,0.0,0.07822947346272026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828352913025298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713338835404248,0.0,0.1175748809902901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908695046157375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728597462580799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523884305683202,0.12530481761598442,0.0,0.19934251492919228,0.1110196685460085,0.0,0.0,0.23623718767606303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988895472220173,0.08985046185935766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320621104440678,0.0,0.0,0.12201253620292545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999951010142098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805560141933817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031717240327538
ptsd,takeme2kfc,2020/03/29,"I haven't felt like a real person in years I've just left high school and the people I grew up with are all following their dreams and progressing with their lives. I feel like I stopped existing after the trauma and  have spent the last four years , unable to focus or achieve anything or be a proper person. When I was a child I excelled in all my classes and had so much ambition and potential. My life feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from. Please tell me it gets better I'm barely hanging on, I just want to be a real person again.",3.7711818181818164,4.9253595272727315,4.576136363636365,86.74420454545454,71.9090909090909,7.3181818181818175,24.65909090909091,7.645422480735847,1.1321818181818175,428,12,87,5,8,138,73,110,0.10400000000000001,0.78,0.11699999999999999,0.3335,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,4,5,6,0,0,8,0,8,2,1,0,2,20,16,9,0,1,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,7,0,1,3,1,1,3,2,1,0,1,4,3,13,5,11,10,3,17,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,10,57,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481106563260653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918031892801265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200960431936725,0.2571597525850055,0.17281188511840598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940336781009658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901618992608637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671015004450866,0.0,0.0,0.19555203350825995,0.0,0.1271273009278531,0.26379177701595685,0.0,0.15892826806193536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230819880843328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477753579679,0.4714625854732316,0.0,0.19756726327153445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097200672039216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215238376850768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047382970349604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731305687915695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615862432187023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318062752435376
ptsd,Party_End,2020/03/29,"Can a certain intence emotion be apart of ptsd??? Hi there, first post I think. Uh, idk how to say this, and I'm going to keep alot secret to avoid stressing out talking about it. So, my particular trauma was being targeted by everybody, they didn't want me around and hurt me. It also involved a lot of forsed isolation, I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. The trauma happened a particular day I tried to tell all these people that being isolated REALLY hurt, and they...'targeted' me, I felt so much stress that years later I'm still feeling it. So, I have issues with taking in front of people and have panic attacks. But also, my feeling of...unwantedness? Loneliness I guess, can get really intense, and I can get triggered to feel this way, the feeling itself causes lots of stress. There have been times were it got so so intense I started hallucinating, it's usually one hallucination that oddly enough, tries to make me feel better. This has really happened twice in my life, one lasted less than a day and almost got me sent to a hospital by a conserned stranger, and one lasted three years. Really lasts as long as the feeling stays painful, so it can last a day to three years, of that same hallucination that only appears when I'm feelinf.. that feeling. For reference, I have schizophrenia, my PTSD came from being treated badly for my bizzare behavior with the onset. Everyone hated my guts because I was so disruptive at times, but I couldn't really help it, nor did I know what was happening. This is a very early childhood trauma. 

TD;LR: Can a certain feeling be apart, or worsening by ptsd if it's correlated to the trauma?",4.622843137254903,6.6656177156862775,5.649613071895428,76.35845882352943,71.18954248366012,8.294692810457517,29.23346405228758,8.954980946260402,2.658031267973856,1295,52,221,26,25,427,165,306,0.17,0.7759999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9871,1,2,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,1,2,16,19,2,5,15,0,25,3,1,5,3,48,57,25,0,3,4,0,9,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,21,12,0,2,13,0,0,5,4,15,1,7,13,10,24,4,33,38,8,36,0,2,0,0,10,7,0,8,21,158,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682246905797203,0.0,0.0,0.13867581223635256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062610735032727,0.0,0.0,0.07718577569262945,0.0,0.09863938200823652,0.0,0.0,0.07239500002250453,0.052854524314464336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766834700279206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916734850370623,0.0,0.08906985340590286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775253270030133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753138300993748,0.0,0.08958937673935444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285028215529261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35072496729774305,0.0,0.08325033585928869,0.0,0.0,0.07375117440090083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059950105429243,0.0,0.04927641333338865,0.0,0.1386917161809262,0.0,0.09551526237656843,0.0,0.2300186660854201,0.0,0.0,0.08560317387549281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811649104363025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563885485789092,0.0,0.0,0.09049742669705214,0.0,0.07706733110646229,0.0,0.0,0.04765076538126288,0.2827043812826533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124226057644811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673114005267499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742687224363404,0.0,0.0,0.05787621815887115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373810447234368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626052604169945,0.06594301102055856,0.09226016522232212,0.1017295609567335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022057112171156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830393613792071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30406029142836644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777270115409716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895124531242064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137020007894457,0.09241592548325774,0.06924267401536745,0.0,0.2979606342632646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651913214267313,0.1393802867148747,0.07578393587494246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055557022096770964,0.0,0.0,0.1011166910701665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773392037662665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549323759451936,0.07154065280404508,0.05114081779213489,0.06882234253790853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750540845404924
ptsd,freshairinforever,2020/03/29,"Tried to reclaim something, not working (a vent) I tried to reclaim a space. In a way, it's really fun / nice. But that place isn't ""safe"" even with my service animal. I spend half of it controlling my breathing to not sound 'loud' and wondering if I'll be raped or tortured by a stranger / past rapist(s). I want to reclaim this space so badly, for future good times. Taking a break from doing it now as it's too triggering.",2.3137650602409643,4.512606084337354,3.3839608433734973,89.28027861445786,78.51807228915663,6.559638554216868,26.037650602409638,7.645422480735847,1.456567469879518,327,13,66,5,8,105,63,83,0.138,0.738,0.12300000000000001,-0.5139,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,2,0,5,0,3,2,1,2,0,12,6,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,5,4,11,5,0,10,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,4,41,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458533904723989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33025063153413736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448140024189955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469706292972701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28108577372156435,0.0,0.0,0.3076375040048119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886321635248001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22668193988804675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138970090690746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169612076264038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998243454548416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736741963094011,0.2337206471156549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193183862296137,0.2143630542687586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cheymoisture,2020/03/29,"do i have ptsd? i know i need a proper diagnosis but i'm not sure if it's worth going to a professional and spend money to check.

i \[(F15) (at the time)\] got into a car accident 4 years ago with my grandmother (F75)  and my younger cousin (M8). i chose not to sit in my usual spot in the car, behind the passenger side and sat in the passenger seat. as my grandmother was turning (she's slow at this) the incoming driver didn't slow down, and instead crashed into her car.

we were all fine, thank goodness, but i remember looking at the demolished seat behind me. i kept thinking that that could've been me. now whenever i'm in a car i'm anxious, especially with turns. i prevented a similar accident with my mother.

she thinks i'm being silly. i'm almost 20 now and i don't have my license (but i live in NYC, do i really need it?). she's pushing and pushing for me to get it but when i tell her i'm terrified of driving (for a few other reasons than turning) she brushes me off. while we're driving i think about crashing all the time. 

i'm seeking out people who might have gone through this, but any perspective is graciously welcomed and appreciated. thank you.",2.070925545810784,4.2932589699570824,4.060440380668034,83.99466878148908,79.47210300429184,7.485650307893263,26.868632207501392,8.456263369488248,2.110482515394663,912,39,181,20,23,310,133,233,0.08,0.79,0.129,0.8542,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,13,0,13,0,0,1,3,37,38,16,0,3,8,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,14,0,2,6,0,4,10,4,0,0,0,8,2,31,7,29,28,3,36,0,0,1,0,13,14,0,3,11,118,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344722233641435,0.0,0.16204337213669978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004587703540786,0.0,0.0,0.1828150716772467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920330548254336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454636699480055,0.0,0.09196831499934127,0.13573030319942286,0.12942544494085548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893424468404433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289356695146033,0.0,0.1358914132827482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716697034174344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23998090819857024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218839406510377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916360972189347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366860553919004,0.16638203562386142,0.0,0.0,0.18331505937973916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251721577681054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414413187762197,0.2979716161861487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110708773009936,0.0,0.0,0.18872176497738294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280541668931898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782262863975321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042093578291956
ptsd,Notme123456123456,2020/03/29,"Not doing great Hey, I'm not doing great. This whole covid thing is really getting to me and I'm struggling to cope. I want to talk to someone but I'm not comfortable posting a whole thing in the group. I'd really appreciate if someone is willing to talk to me",0.4821428571428577,2.9032366851851883,2.9333862433862454,87.77166666666668,89.55555555555556,6.048677248677249,22.529100529100532,7.447530270364453,1.226310052910053,207,8,42,4,7,71,32,54,0.171,0.738,0.09,-0.5585,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,7,9,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309299508253474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773024930097373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731173966372649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773435101517223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668168330565415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262941502941221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479695560486928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28761682745603445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767549904313072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4833464685965873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SavantOfSuffering,2020/03/29,"Can weaning off of anti-psychotics have an adverse affect on PTSD Hi everyone. I'm not able to reach out to a physician at the moment due to the situation with Coronavirus, I refuse to step foot in a hospital. 

I have MDD with Depressive Psychosis, GAD, and PTSD. I won't go into specifics about my yarn, it's not that interesting. My question is whether coming off of the anti-psychotic I was prescribed could make me experience worse symptoms of PTSD?",7.1290588235294114,7.500015552941175,7.421176470588236,72.13529411764708,64.05882352941177,10.564705882352943,38.17647058823529,10.355215969177356,4.111517647058824,362,18,63,8,5,118,65,85,0.168,0.8320000000000001,0.0,-0.8941,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,6,0,7,3,1,2,0,14,11,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,17,8,0,12,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,2,43,9,0,0.20991097871409767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808197213739053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675968358914133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079601838088216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005789356986896,0.0,0.20533321594123147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192972466036245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011720827712307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7361241030974464,0.0,0.2351483365440749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359487349998876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817788036220634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391722050628215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,rorylupin,2020/03/29,"New trauma making old trauma worse? So almost two years ago, I had a psychotic  episode in which I thought I was in the middle of a mass shooting. I was terrified and knew I was going to be killed when the staff of the hospital I was in forced their way into my room with guns, 5 of them restrained me (because I was fighting for my life) and laughed about how they were going to pour acid in my face before they shot me. I was there for an hour thinking about how I’d never see my parents again, how I was going to die in pain etc. Now obviously I was not in real danger and I know the criteria for something like PTSD requires a threat to life. But I believed that threat as much as anyone in a real situation like that so I don’t know if it counts? I get horrible panic attacks about it still, jump at loud noises (in case they’re gunshots), palm escape routes in buildings, have nightmares and refuse to go near the town the hospital was based in. It’s really impacting my life to this day. 

Anyway, about 8 years ago when I was in high school, a friend of mine was murdered in her home along with her family - stabbed to death. It was a horrible time obviously but didn’t have a long term traumatic effect on me. However, since the psychosis incident, I can no longer handle anything involving knives or news reports about stabbing - they make me revisit that time and create scenarios about my friends death in my head.

Does new trauma sometimes make old trauma worse? I don’t really understand a) why the first incident is still affecting me so badly and b) why I’m suddenly impacted by my friend’s death from so long ago?

Any help would really be appreciated!",6.180016194331984,6.2602598307692325,6.620744939271258,78.06146558704457,66.07692307692308,10.16518218623482,31.5668016194332,9.93914555978268,2.9125692307692312,1315,47,254,27,19,428,183,325,0.218,0.7090000000000001,0.073,-0.9939,2,0,1,3,2,0,32.0,0,0,5,3,21,20,7,1,17,0,24,7,3,8,3,40,40,21,6,2,5,1,0,2,3,1,4,1,2,0,9,10,0,3,7,0,0,5,6,14,0,2,17,3,38,6,44,20,3,53,0,0,1,0,15,22,0,3,27,164,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27251187638007673,0.0,0.10261321824311903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968604422440479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165241961290064,0.0,0.084327625063868,0.0,0.0,0.11657932034412916,0.0,0.0,0.08556176779607216,0.062467387733410436,0.0,0.08719808950792461,0.11545345501885003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608745192183799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635215430391316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967595851043161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428594257665906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660365869859666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871645950247379,0.0,0.0,0.2375141911816815,0.0,0.05353859706635571,0.0,0.23295404567409594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516820503980363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686863693660038,0.10826973386033853,0.10279008733461402,0.0,0.1009165526475669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337264025646147,0.0,0.11263440076218903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171419052608484,0.1001275425591746,0.0,0.0,0.18137307786101284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052071912763914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533040807969034,0.0,0.07903450456702026,0.19794065269428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505909886398644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903988992507337,0.12023152247904755,0.11378559330826167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978698364579815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23327639661694405,0.19694299936276385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370947171488087,0.08165875700911156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476780747964867,0.11518541700408158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888972963519772,0.10134971202317636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367223133753178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566139958018494,0.0,0.08135315498374678,0.11950718749862972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001025099524323,0.10667936978894936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133933682684942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493425032025115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886015132381971,0.07279480909759377,0.0,0.0,0.13198019069711409
ptsd,jacksonfromaz,2020/03/29,"Do I have PTSD? About a year ago my father was killed, and after that my life changed, I developed a fear of being alone, something that I never had a problem with. Lots of times I would ditch hanging out with friends or even my dad to be alone but after that I hate being alone and I can't stand not being around friends or my family. Every time I see football on it reminds of my father so I stopped watching it, even with basketball I wanted to tell him so many things that are going on but I can't so I stopped watching that too. I've gotten into baseball a lot mainly because my dad hardly watched it, but sometimes I still want to tell him things. And every time I think about him or something reminds me of him, the day my mom told me what happened replays in my head all over again, and sometimes I see the day I seen him in his coffin. I'm not scared by it, and I don't get anxiety or panic but it happens almost every day. It wasn't until recently I was watching the movie 1917 that I thought about it, I looked up signs or symptoms of PTSD, and most of it seemed like just anxiety and being or sad or being angry. I'm not really sad or angry, and the only anxiety I have is of being alone. I don't want to be that person just claiming I have PTSD just because, I'd like to believe I don't and this is just normal, but I really don't know. Either way I'll be fine, but I think that maybe finding out if I do or don't will somehow help me deal with it, I honestly don't know...",3.805,4.017672780254777,5.07631210191083,86.631347133758,71.19745222929936,7.553885350318471,27.483439490445857,7.1686216300943375,1.2806769426751594,1159,37,251,10,20,387,140,314,0.152,0.7490000000000001,0.099,-0.9684,0,4,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,17,14,2,3,8,0,31,3,1,0,2,64,53,29,2,7,24,5,1,2,2,2,2,0,0,1,21,17,0,2,7,0,0,2,13,8,0,0,8,9,44,6,33,34,6,31,0,2,8,0,19,10,0,16,19,185,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226264820692662,0.0,0.09292697829368536,0.3844561471624328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21297794980343787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261272663855039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314147793732453,0.0,0.0,0.1045551527586661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817134516080367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954725469213415,0.09567394336829947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258861046793977,0.0,0.2345669940014989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748469494159987,0.10442712959143574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481859876932464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339592543908544,0.0,0.048484787171103334,0.0,0.052741050121080615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412755685927402,0.0,0.08313163072553229,0.09162195416588513,0.09524078548793624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220267587772205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267075782818524,0.0,0.10200220492014507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554821903813693,0.09067593954563856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792961998946309,0.0,0.0,0.15779249203040466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408583244548664,0.09323126026806312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086876223194281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157399227992897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090925454435163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057948040657612,0.0,0.1088821915043719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103041228577648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887981977409851,0.3254388455904093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890162651700467,0.0,0.09162997123588904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291017210281413,0.0,0.14790105348993646,0.08448271038200683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428857669396081,0.18356548309273066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411114352122844,0.15517188639928187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645596064532014,0.0,0.0,0.16222464623434227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330596298963302,0.11892650007456546,0.0,0.07367377221700581,0.16233934587714655,0.0,0.0,0.08867550594915567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420962395291416,0.0736612584338106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592329682982807,0.0,0.0,0.0597609183597046
ptsd,pepperkiddo,2020/03/29,"confused and lost? Minor tw// I briefly mention that I was sexually assaulted
Ok so I recently got diagnosed with ptsd (around a month ago) I was able to come to terms with a sexual assault that happened when I was much younger and like a switch the floodgates of symptoms/nightmares/etc came out. I was kind of shocked like, me, I could never have ptsd I never experienced “real” trauma, and this is all new. But looking on my life I saw that I don’t like people touching me, and I can’t stand being hugged (relates to the assault) and a lot of small things in my day to day life that I never realized were because of that event. However, right now I’m dealing with everything as if this experience happened recently. I guess that’s because I suppressed it for awhile. I feel ashamed though, I feel like because what I experienced wasn’t “that bad” I shouldn’t be struggling so much right now (I know this is something a lot of people feel). I’m also upset because I feel embarrassed that I’m reacting and struggling a lot, since this happened years ago this shouldn’t be so hard right? I guess I’m looking for advice or reassurance or anyone’s two cents who may have had a somewhat similar experience or shared feelings regarding all this :/
Sidenote: I also winded up doing ART (accelerated resolution therapy, to help with flashbacks and reliving the event and it was super helpful if anyone’s considering that type of therapy 💞💖)",3.89018450184502,6.3126550221402224,4.966013284132842,78.76597933579338,74.42435424354244,7.878435424354246,31.13520295202952,8.726425361277474,2.858038405904059,1145,55,201,24,25,375,143,271,0.135,0.7490000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.73,1,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,2,10,23,3,6,10,1,22,4,0,1,5,48,44,22,0,5,6,0,7,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,20,16,0,1,7,1,1,2,8,13,0,1,12,12,26,10,23,25,9,30,0,1,3,1,7,9,0,13,22,136,46,1,0.09491180028640464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274671277197792,0.16826716860712487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180186479669766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327290751390593,0.0,0.0,0.08449162472508873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792473887706014,0.2314294100604466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855381473554766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175811188160037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577934948521507,0.0,0.0,0.12242051865479918,0.09784989853211792,0.0,0.09633347941300002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585174612068844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530060614920908,0.18568390565338733,0.0,0.0,0.2399512900265965,0.06780500908888187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590963704700013,0.0,0.20911209693290786,0.0,0.25179057462670085,0.0,0.08502233047914781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272347581541836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883603457695957,0.052161043279394914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407802283537756,0.18547644575889907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940401618570826,0.0,0.10360744180107996,0.242071855576212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757576934772149,0.0,0.13954218780443015,0.0,0.21960549452329287,0.091666408149472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159978361688546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218936309324834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803040756339202,0.0,0.0,0.18742790507584345,0.0,0.0,0.24316247656597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851202198839555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306774083149725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984448424410752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707983054583702,0.0,0.06305518274967667,0.0,0.09325036188786147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271503765584384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112008757883827
ptsd,mutasly,2020/03/29,"Ants TW: rape 



My worst trigger is ants. 
Fucking ants that just happen to be fucking everywhere. 

Not only is it the dumbest shit ever, but it’s beyond embarrassing and nobody takes me seriously. Everybody acts like it’s just me making up an excuse to not have to deal with it when there are ants in the house. 

I was raped 5 years ago by somebody an abusive ex at the end of our relationship. It was his response to me not wanted to be touched because of the PTSD I already had from being raped by a stranger earlier that year. 
He was disgusting and his room had a line of ants going through it, around the bed and I remember thinking while it happened “I hope those ants don’t go on me” 

And every since I feel like I’m fucking cursed, they do not leave me alone. 
I keep very clean, but it’s like they’re hellbent on finding me. 

Earlier this year I got my entire back tattooed. I thought it was completely bandaged, but apparently there was a little triangle of space where the bandage wasn’t covering. When I woke up, ants were swarming my back to LITERALLY eat my blood. 
This kind of crazy shit has been happening for two years now, in two different houses I’ve lived in. 

My roommates won’t clean up in the kitchen even when I explain why I can’t deal with ants

Everybody rolls their eyes if I ask them to help me kill the ants if they come in

It’s like I’m being hunted by my worst trigger. It fucking sucks. 
My life is a joke because of this stupid motherfucker",3.0610238907849836,4.9332072935153635,4.042916040955632,86.95148668941981,75.04095563139933,7.145337883959044,27.41965870307168,7.9765259561132025,1.6757102798634818,1159,46,236,18,25,374,161,293,0.21600000000000005,0.68,0.10400000000000001,-0.9935,2,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,4,0,15,24,13,1,14,0,24,14,4,3,1,32,49,13,1,4,11,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,5,0,17,8,2,1,6,1,0,4,8,17,0,2,13,3,33,7,34,31,2,35,0,0,1,7,16,17,7,3,18,153,50,0,0.0,0.12781373911615887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562430758585648,0.0,0.0,0.11172553300575076,0.11904228298971448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603124813973406,0.1008481715629904,0.0,0.0,0.165897788713301,0.0,0.13151868706903766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292439996371324,0.1131044461443417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224279132271296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270597757516812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103826276385039,0.0,0.0,0.09554486020287864,0.0,0.0,0.07125014359142627,0.09757873476625802,0.09088898737884467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454462959842009,0.07706562246989034,0.0,0.0,0.09859541303991612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989132487562058,0.0,0.0,0.12261522110236735,0.0,0.08627715723512458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861794080762074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230605797946815,0.0,0.0,0.1071437997105016,0.0,0.24894556671578846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588388444036124,0.11934724131344815,0.11233477628687384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422360578837112,0.0,0.0,0.07619500703698623,0.21080828596564846,0.1081186701807902,0.09525523168487283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200712071012677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082043480130513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609961284349955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581692943345295,0.1222008717752484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146341511015755,0.08923496843683107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110826001694776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912167594357889,0.0,0.08564036788322227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075558237594966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900782715279301,0.06362722301350664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973400308494391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778707743260068
ptsd,moniv23,2020/03/29,"DAE feel like it will never truly “get better?” Not ever sure what “it” is—life, therapy, interactions with others, idk. It’s hard to imagine not feeling the results of complex trauma and other ailments that have surely come from or have gotten worse due to traumatic events. I know “feelings are not facts,” and I try to refrain from ever saying or posting anything like this for fear of my own self judgement of “boo hoo things could be worse get over it” but today, it all just feels like, a lot. And no matter how many times I “get out” of this feeling, each time feels just as strong as the last. I’m tired. I keep trying, but I’m tired.",4.203724444444447,5.400160608000005,4.64746666666667,86.48017777777778,70.92,6.5155555555555535,25.08888888888889,6.42735559955562,0.8267422222222223,496,14,97,3,9,157,89,125,0.221,0.677,0.102,-0.8928,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,0,1,3,0,6,2,0,2,7,39,21,10,0,1,9,0,7,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,12,7,0,2,9,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,8,5,7,15,17,4,13,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,12,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683028490572125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556207954950827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229570577804283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335253243269905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25684234155567226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975718525628815,0.4307097366727503,0.20284865320324472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225224371246408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717840069373493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619061651141494,0.0,0.0,0.07802371477475674,0.11572555988494825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808002090486355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069892412048125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393661707252753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949702044797477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596926293815373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290127775651712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810703090148436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267612544173209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235655689570586,0.0,0.0943194247012769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165569215938096,0.3263502539290524,0.13457219414097382,0.0,0.0,0.19277838979669254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893617716155644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AJDobie2003,2020/03/29,"Research Project Survey Hey everyone, my name is Alex and I'm currently studying year 11 in highschool and one of the subjects is Research Project. My research topic is about the physical and mental effects of experiencing night terrors. If you are between the age of 10 and 30 can you please do my survey, it would be greatly appreciated. (thank you those who have already done it)

Survey: [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/57599NK](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/57599NK)",9.012007042253522,13.328820676056335,6.651531690140848,63.18180457746479,67.59154929577466,6.930281690140845,35.63556338028169,8.07648339933343,3.458195774647888,392,19,49,6,8,113,52,71,0.047,0.8759999999999999,0.077,0.3167,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,0,10,0,0,1,0,8,12,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,6,2,6,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,35,10,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539394593807903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282236432299036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064763934411906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536118807131261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32322581793151484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300988420082596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733858924806826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520711242158065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295290039039228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278412064290133,0.0,0.0,0.20654306430591146
ptsd,magic_waves,2020/03/29,"tw: dreamt about my abuser i was physically, verbally and sexually abused in my early teenage years by my older brother (my then guardian) and am currently doing much better. im very happy with my psychiatrist and i have a partner who i trust and love very much. 

that being said ive been very distressed lately, and i feel like im on the verge of throwing up right now as i type... a few nights ago i had a sexual dream about my brother, but it felt. normal. it wasn't horrific or terrifying like other dreams ive had of him and i don't know how to feel about it or what it means. i keep trying to push it out of my mind but it keeps coming back and i feel like i was never actually raped and abused, because maybe i subconsciously wanted it the whole time???? maybe i am just a stupid slut, otherwise wouldn't i have been terrified from that dream?? i took so long to finally say something because im a whore right

the fact that i wasn't scared in my dream, and that i slept through it makes me scared. i feel like months of progress has been erased and i know i should bring it up with someone but i don't know how. 

i guess i just want to know if im alone feeling like this",2.168430335097,3.879237930041153,3.4421987066431505,90.99370370370373,77.10699588477367,6.768489124044683,22.27101704879482,7.62386473244151,0.7105659024103463,919,26,206,13,21,299,129,243,0.10800000000000001,0.647,0.245,0.9861,1,1,1,0,3,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,11,16,2,3,8,0,22,5,1,3,2,47,45,21,0,6,8,2,6,5,1,2,0,2,0,1,17,14,0,2,11,4,0,5,6,7,0,0,13,8,34,9,23,29,4,29,0,0,0,4,8,9,0,4,20,131,51,1,0.0,0.3444585212493144,0.0945677129341323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590262625986465,0.0,0.0,0.10036691451972116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451586370118994,0.0,0.11814779010384867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570678327734142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347720576525984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449966462067672,0.2769228674862158,0.0930463695847362,0.10615739802747734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675450510007313,0.0,0.0,0.10315980520354807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41870679370966496,0.0,0.0,0.17227162627094764,0.0,0.0,0.2130312475449716,0.0,0.10931584863738332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367204774990212,0.0,0.0,0.08576006261484352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746277638345172,0.0,0.06468648960262774,0.0,0.19471316037378045,0.10556064566239776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784892081494732,0.0,0.0773506190536449,0.0,0.14247628346841093,0.0,0.07474101603540978,0.0,0.0,0.09094109713841712,0.09494874648582596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655169020217701,0.09218119680965307,0.07706471077199227,0.19404256886579815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821093859698611,0.07460410589014912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056507525833906565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766776632095162,0.0657938118504373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398764384226478,0.11431707473698338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081937309595852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240523429159104
ptsd,rocoonshcnoon,2020/03/29,"Im this fucking close Ive had some rather significant truama in my life in the span of a year or two maybe 2016 all the way through 2018. Diagnosis of OCD and Autism. Occasionally ill get episodes to events that happened to me in those time periods and i can get violent. Last time locked myself in a bathroom while holding a razor and crying uncontrollably. Another time got incredibly out of it in school, got lost in the halls and when i did show up to class people thought i was on drugs. Because i was crying and looked terrified. usually incapacitated but i am also aggressive  some of the time screaming and cursing at everyone around me and some times making threats. But i usually feel like im in danger and get dissociated the hell out. I really dont feel good. My life is back on track and the worst part is over. But i feel really close to my breaking point right now and my brain wont shut up. I want to scream.",3.3524930939226496,5.460488845303872,4.6638639502762445,81.77380697513811,74.91160220994476,8.281906077348069,26.229627071823202,9.017664075816787,2.1128588397790056,735,27,147,17,16,243,113,181,0.251,0.726,0.023,-0.9921,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,13,6,1,9,0,11,6,1,1,1,31,26,17,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,15,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,11,0,1,8,6,17,2,26,17,6,40,1,1,1,1,0,23,2,4,16,93,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063393208255144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394349132902154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837512010465938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224885672348603,0.0,0.08105976273030849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844304638884967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921315578069711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584462715853442,0.0,0.15420771210622838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270624284439782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017070652996831,0.09499670672341287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229323908821438,0.20842039979164573,0.0,0.0,0.11153234634120834,0.21270303256155795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758853657442835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28726964187684845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839162004963544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878470452920553,0.06496441693106512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116647337682526,0.0,0.14515691237853004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876122853312285,0.0,0.13359033263757172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399796647230062,0.0,0.0921874815526554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570348318317034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037319662830047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355913465624227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345768644267737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055665632839886,0.3876912663831562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298963507179381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29290431735632444,0.0,0.07843155547859001,0.10554863238340016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563094545161362
ptsd,Manipulated123456789,2020/03/29,"PTSD rage and “Fawn and Freeze” turned to all consuming “FIGHT” Rage. How to tunnel through?

I was involved in the worst most horrifying “casual” relationship you can probably imagine. Rape and emotional abuse and lies and manipulation and gaslighting to the point I barely knew my own name. To add insult to injury, he discarded me for someone new whom he gives everything to that I wanted... everything he denied me and would stonewall me when I tried to bring it up...  so I’d try to break up with him and he’d not accept my no and push forward anyway because he thought my no didn’t mean no and because I loved him and was attracted to him I didn’t know how to make sense of what was happening.

There is so. Much. Rage. And violence in me. I get that trauma is stored in the body. But that doesn’t change that I want to do violence and destruction and fight back in all the ways I didn’t before. I don’t want to do physical harm to anyone.  But there are other destructive things I want to do. I could do them. I just would probably get caught and the stupid fucking law would protect him like it protects all the other intelligent abusive assholes who aggressively wield it against the women they drive insane. 

Denying the wants HURTS. The rage HURTS. The all consuming hate I have for his lying gaslighting manipulative sociopathic rapist ass HURTS.  It hurts that I was NEVER like this before. I was sweet and kind and forgiving and I feel so ruined and powerless and I HSTE it and I can’t keep dealing with this. I have to DO something.

How do I do this? How do I heal from this? Being the better person isn’t going to work. I did all that before I met him. I was all about turning the other cheek and assuming the best intentions and choosing the angels of our better nature and he fucking raped me and kept pulling me into his horrific idea of “casual intimacy” where there were so many secrets and lies and other women and so much exposure to STI’s and omg the lies. So. Many. Lies. And his contempt towards me that he’d let out every so often... but then alternate with love and affection and approval.

I can’t do this. The Prosecutor I talked to about my DV police report said they believed me but that they wouldn’t press charges because they couldn’t win at trial because I had been a jealous ex and I hadn’t reported the rapes until after the break up (I didn’t report because I didn’t know that telling someone to stop and they keep going because you are turned on is rape).

How do I tunnel through? How do I handle this - it keeps coming back up. Grounding doesn’t help. Breathing doesn’t help. Yoga doesn’t help. Valium helps but I fucking hate taking it.",2.9357803468208097,5.28736779768786,3.9187009633911374,85.45536936416187,77.18882466281309,6.9265664739884425,24.63818882466281,7.9765259561132025,1.5002855183044317,2113,74,405,36,50,680,233,519,0.21100000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.126,-0.9919,1,0,1,0,3,0,51.0,1,2,6,6,26,46,23,0,19,0,53,15,4,11,7,99,91,55,0,11,7,1,3,2,0,4,1,1,0,3,30,41,0,7,13,3,1,9,21,31,0,0,22,5,65,15,48,59,12,37,1,5,0,11,50,17,4,3,12,293,95,4,0.0,0.1906311327931016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056249838196948086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371629063111007,0.0,0.29423546098569314,0.0,0.2053613172759064,0.09063529465123163,0.08442330078510703,0.14229621428688896,0.0,0.0893575685805893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510138965121168,0.06929725924496627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422972725075436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829364772451383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049112260716403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777937466761973,0.0,0.1445996753602818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04067600478645414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311358609341533,0.0840596155313057,0.07717130437229118,0.09143883379852473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113828961956198,0.0,0.0,0.15884789210751432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568550980114587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34447718994997384,0.09081394313667936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451277813166705,0.0,0.08377231510363924,0.08842223127301949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226166750640401,0.0,0.07860387825615821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521163313424912,0.0,0.05369844855906285,0.1631195961405409,0.0,0.08762947156021679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827439432428448,0.0,0.062045051903179875,0.0776954201044657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024249976645364,0.0,0.0,0.07604764081073508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346917242000834,0.0,0.09403727724169517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086369089141711,0.0,0.0,0.07652273736608707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632357129918246,0.061931398148931414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725660703613981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048551428362611,0.06465959071272627,0.07031350547150693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053444866144547486,0.0,0.0,0.06386527948908363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923534861325496,0.26250702322593744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23724620067097735,0.06385443171738442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856577576888618,0.0,0.0,0.17143997043388656,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sakoura93,2020/03/29,"What are some calming techniques you use after a very triggering day? Anyone have anything special they do to calm down? I had a huge trigger today and I feel a panic attack coming on, very slowly. Can't relax or fall asleep.",3.5517441860465127,5.92347993023256,4.518779069767444,81.8121220930233,75.27906976744184,5.230232558139536,24.703488372093023,5.985473137389443,0.9768186046511632,179,6,29,1,4,58,39,43,0.183,0.607,0.21,-0.1103,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,0,6,1,1,3,0,5,1,1,3,0,8,8,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,4,4,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22546021261068255,0.0,0.2653437857167701,0.0,0.0,0.3668263890151162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777567954596423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079495855365807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303728119532027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378318342452061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30563903421440264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27848792812712,0.0,0.5320998327767437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,laurenerica,2020/03/29,"Coronavirus help information  During these times of pandemic unrest, it is challenging to find trustworthy information about how to increase your immune system to help you fight off any virus and specifically the Corona Virus.  In this article, you will find a review of the basics as well as some holistic remedies to boost your immune system...read more...https://ericalhernandez.com",18.865762711864413,15.086954644067802,15.515000000000004,36.370466101694944,44.932203389830505,17.901694915254236,49.83898305084746,15.247664890283005,7.540959322033897,320,12,38,9,2,98,45,59,0.036000000000000004,0.6559999999999999,0.308,0.9477,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,4,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,11,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,1,27,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24427605288284499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6566253781743093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815436256232372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593085826994662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945904146379807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229741656767889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Far_n_Away,2020/03/30,"Hard to keep going I take Serenda (zoloft), deplelept, clonex, +30 grams of government prescribed cannabis and cannabis oil taken orally. In addition to almost 25 years of therapy (I'm only 33)

With all of this I still desperately want to put a bullet in my head. 

The truth is nothing works. I accept my problems as my reality and put on a BS smile and mask everyday just to get by.

I really hope no one in my circles is able to find this post because it's quite revealing, and I would bury my head in shame if my email address was associated with this post. It would not surprise me considering my amazing luck of shit blowing up in my face.

I simply cant put on this charade anymore. My life is a joke and everyone hates me. And if people don't hate me its because they don't know me well enough. 

I really wish all the pain and suffering of the world me. That way no one else feels my misery. I suck",3.4319100236779785,4.877829906077352,4.8377782162588785,83.40531767955802,73.1436464088398,8.044356748224152,27.84569850039464,8.634040054169528,2.009640568271508,707,27,144,13,14,236,116,181,0.195,0.687,0.11800000000000001,-0.9298,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,3,16,4,1,6,0,9,7,4,0,3,31,23,10,0,8,4,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,8,10,0,1,5,1,0,4,6,8,1,2,2,3,24,8,22,19,3,19,0,1,0,0,2,9,2,5,3,89,32,2,0.13952549511913898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971462894580475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837179953924506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010689359160422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655564765154952,0.0,0.0,0.1441671339738928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332258982007245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054828260429201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752377482142396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289631249730769,0.0,0.07929555424250348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498743802655915,0.27550508075534896,0.28638682219710604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858029868247693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401667087114693,0.0,0.0,0.07667956321054947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855098346175267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338784755902265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890921728818478,0.10611542629771016,0.14846496408560506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672941041740853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672537118299617,0.0,0.0,0.13350705549930686,0.0,0.42078497938521936,0.0,0.1484025385918722,0.0,0.0,0.1787672098556208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322091570455528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142524063457387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490580816747852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955956343620864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229575200219526,0.110748843648349,0.0,0.0,0.12545017645044645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044743359385702,0.0,0.0,0.10157622218735987,0.0,0.0,0.1982298171012293,0.0,0.0,0.08984984433367751
ptsd,GreenTeens,2020/03/30,"Survey for Veterans Hello, friends! I am a sophomore in college and I'm writing my term paper on vets with PTSD. If you are willing and able, my 4 question survey is linked. It is anonymous :)

[https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd\_MnavFiJWxvuzt\_thc2HEXfeCbPjFhjbczQ931GB8wrnSZw/viewform?usp=sf\_link](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd_MnavFiJWxvuzt_thc2HEXfeCbPjFhjbczQ931GB8wrnSZw/viewform?usp=sf_link)",27.888496240601505,36.92848589473685,13.232406015037597,9.861842105263179,45.31578947368421,4.276691729323309,29.112781954887208,6.1826913282559595,1.8855518796992488,376,9,26,2,7,86,33,38,0.0,0.83,0.17,0.7752,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,18,5,2,0.4868930310351573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37617234798737803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.569151897899407,0.0,0.5454316254642404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ffdjensen,2020/03/30,"Has anyone else ever had shortness of breath and chest discomfort the day after a bad panic attack? Had one last night for the first time in a really long time, probably the worst I’ve ever experienced. Today I still can’t get rid of the chest pain and the shortness of breath and obviously with what’s going on that’s just contributing to this inevitable circle of anxiety.",10.570093896713617,8.124729295774651,10.093521126760566,64.8499530516432,58.859154929577464,13.410328638497653,36.342723004694854,11.855464076750405,4.238968075117373,304,9,52,7,3,99,53,71,0.27699999999999997,0.723,0.0,-0.9674,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,2,7,0,4,5,4,0,3,8,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,2,2,1,1,0,10,4,1,17,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,12,35,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285285702179914,0.0,0.0,0.15799107071807644,0.2315147875925111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570533101918926,0.0,0.0,0.18866069533538865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572051225302507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875411593501004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087735022749796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219487312590933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805072767890555,0.0,0.1284138738893739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841812457026264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996063584107648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204088538918064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531110960373475,0.0,0.2404291307022637,0.2651062877311285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436147477549786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475080073057933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044576314054867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26350915451869805,0.0,0.21417631833850367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,trotskyites,2020/03/30,"Viewing PTSD in terms of disability: what do you think? This might be messy, I apologize in advance.

I’ve struggled with PTSD for about five years now. In that time, I’ve thought about it a million different ways, from a temporary inconvenience (surely it will get better once the trauma actually stops!) to an immovable object (surely I’ll never be able to feel anything other than either numbness or distress!)

Spoiler alert: none of those ended up being true, nor were they particularly helpful in dealing with some of the stuff I was experiencing.

Lately I’ve been starting to look at my PTSD as a disability: something that limits important areas of my life. Sometimes I can do more more, sometimes less, but I’m never not affected by it.

I’m not sure how that makes me feel or how helpful of a framework it is.

Pros: 
-	I feel a lot better about accessing resources like academic accommodations, therapy, etc
-	It makes me feel less like I’m broken and more like I just need to find the right supports

Cons: 
-	what if thinking of myself as disabled means I’m missing out on 100% recovery?
-	what if I’m somehow belittling people with worse disabilities by adopting that label?

I guess I wanted your input-

1.	do you view PTSD, in general, is a disability?

2.	do you view yourself, as an individual, as disabled because of your PTSD?

3.	 how does the way you understand your PTSD affect you?

Thanks. I hope you’re all staying healthy and taking care of yourselves as best you can. 💕",3.6264702815432734,6.347449222627741,4.8067205422314885,78.03023722627739,76.84671532846716,7.271949947862357,29.128779979144944,8.306716005460428,2.5073758081334723,1173,53,200,23,28,385,166,274,0.078,0.742,0.18,0.9869,1,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,9,1,5,9,19,0,2,12,0,16,2,0,7,7,50,44,16,0,5,9,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,16,6,0,2,10,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,4,9,23,14,37,35,13,25,0,1,4,0,14,11,0,10,13,136,39,1,0.09301324915823196,0.0,0.09076751385593786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654197881477598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670001336909205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761166653011688,0.16452532047787605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483320652491688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589257568407217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717904850942004,0.0,0.0,0.08139652114359383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823821309591924,0.0,0.10373435975345008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812117403934625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501242465353792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859558370489057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246458035422493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468964055123573,0.0,0.0,0.0923831435879801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492299642245057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656980086090331,0.1363247257740639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781077033075092,0.0,0.0,0.07907653824906243,0.0,0.0,0.1241741321456727,0.0,0.0,0.10131869610167124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867235859500284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896814568422836,0.1434751036715061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905607472945696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644836755060484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6523650647738548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943280656537101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160614341821397,0.18398496352022806,0.0,0.06583525649076268,0.09913974779607918,0.0,0.0777632411538796,0.0,0.09723764336172733,0.1064779170612838,0.0,0.1055503328878908,0.2629916596951349,0.0,0.06993438772530751,0.0,0.0,0.08563410310076372,0.10636875659748156,0.0,0.0,0.11919826870040695,0.0,0.0738421301508845,0.05423677357690072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968300726621326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486162424371328,0.1476591755428494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947884472364235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989748289873889
ptsd,Soul_full_of_Sorrows,2020/03/30,"Physical pain of injuries from trauma leave me stuck in tears and fears Anyone else have physical injuries or results from the injuries due to trauma

that bring back all the trauma

For me: 
 every time you think your way through and are doing ‘better’ 
So aren’t thinking about the trauma

only to forget your new physical  limitations , 

do something positive and ‘nominal’  you can do but shouldn’t  do

( like fold laundry and pick up or make cookies with rolling pin , drive 30 min ...too far, or just want to help your kid with a simple something that needs repairs) 

and trigger physical pain that brings back all the tears and fears ?...?..",13.560526315789476,9.053021280701754,11.15482456140351,65.8496052631579,55.49122807017544,13.856140350877194,46.04385964912281,10.686352973137794,4.915638596491228,502,20,85,7,4,151,76,114,0.21,0.711,0.079,-0.9092,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,5,0,2,6,10,0,2,5,0,9,2,0,4,2,26,17,11,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,1,0,7,2,13,15,2,13,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,7,54,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891877836708966,0.2035668934965204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30553894036826057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571264992606453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596818464659907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739297799121247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44713114766537854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316823876074632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103690455930876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706298802165617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261767701294033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473156302441877,0.0,0.1918823803161766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110194160889126,0.4228102381889656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059007616445794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25460693343872304,0.0,0.0,0.11584948968288085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718416772702382,0.15769964735623138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MrWhiteWasLate,2020/03/30,"I had my first hallucination in a while. I used to quite often have auditory hallucinations. The sound of someone running up behind me, and a few others. They stopped for a while. But recently I was walking home and yeah. I worried this might mean I'm taking a step backwards.",1.6563461538461546,4.4105254038461545,3.7373076923076947,79.84519230769233,93.03846153846158,5.676923076923077,25.73076923076923,7.1686216300943375,1.7419923076923074,219,10,39,4,8,74,43,52,0.08900000000000001,0.8640000000000001,0.048,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,4,0,0,1,0,8,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,7,0,6,5,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,5,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702382525882073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186822995828958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460720161273895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370329799818074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337916551300641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136936667007159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691889630577916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26561417272601084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23887333224704335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27439363297582825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32264310839710364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SometimeINeedHelp,2020/03/30,"PTSD & Lockdown not mixing well I [F22]love my boyfriend [M27], we’ve been together just over a year. We live at part and normally I come to see him 2 out of every 3 weekends, we normally have a great sex live and have done for nearly a year and a half. Which is a massive happy shock for me as I have PTSD from and physically emotionally and sexually abusive previous relationship. It took a lot of work for us to get here and for me to trust him but i do. 

Or I did. (UK based) I came to his when the lock down was announced and I live alone and very far away from him and all other friends and family normally. We have a great time during the day and I’ll be sad to go home when all of this is over. 

But at night everything’s wrong. I’ve been struggling with other aspects of my mental health but the PTSD seems to just keep getting worse the last 2 weeks. I was supposed to start counciling but it’s all been called off. And now I’m struggling to keep calm in the same bed as him. I feel him against my back and I hate it even though it normally makes me feel safe. I don’t want sex at all and I’m even scared to kiss him for too long now. He hasn’t changed anything at all from the way he normally is and is clearly confused and hurt by this as I can’t explain why I’m all wrong. 

Help",1.360109489051098,3.1091520474452565,2.8099474452554745,94.43760729927007,79.62043795620437,6.427795620437957,22.638832116788322,7.404127859558343,0.6205776934306577,1007,32,238,14,25,328,147,274,0.162,0.718,0.11900000000000001,-0.9307,0,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,4,0,0,1,13,19,1,4,13,0,20,4,0,1,7,55,40,27,0,6,8,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,9,23,0,3,4,1,0,4,4,10,1,1,9,3,29,9,39,30,9,33,0,2,1,3,18,13,0,4,15,155,38,1,0.0,0.11400279558055908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965300435196586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425234502218128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917935409188824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040013631237634,0.07398583213640675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982495075466562,0.11004795158404676,0.0,0.0,0.10178606385934116,0.0828834321471627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205275854486195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984645922813544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823248858974567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710238525385473,0.0,0.08106795654618695,0.0,0.08647468537578742,0.0,0.09070592576127808,0.0,0.09730159372733437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433791805543895,0.0,0.1005400432299442,0.0,0.05468300232455607,0.0,0.0,0.2121617401941548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242602919587776,0.0,0.09499552096765897,0.0,0.10227541340965428,0.0,0.0,0.0644930099382972,0.0,0.09651466783321977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300353906687117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104625767015832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843064913354167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548872159012628,0.08515005102904312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081801245791343,0.08684065338944473,0.0,0.06422637440565572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696528276953292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029423283831768,0.4713668788187434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419489974557763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33742166887208297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033023039797818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633117174211077,0.0,0.07667342263025817,0.08759340660829112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810371466913374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011762411690529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453386170932747,0.0,0.0561055876310579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690192517216424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573860928849562,0.0,0.0,0.07939006552924438,0.05675196851862065,0.07637350331323399,0.07718041072258099,0.0,0.08651168853018351,0.0,0.08682193100265052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004797238700353,0.0,0.09805453352225316,0.0,0.21039892464481227,0.0,0.1239226913411475
ptsd,Knives__Out,2020/03/30,"How To Help Somebody With PTSD? Hi,

I recently just made a friend with someone online who is currently going through some serious emotional turmoil because of their ptsd.  I thought it might be a good idea to ask you guys what you would like somebody to do for you if you were having an episode or panic attack? 

Thank you.",5.961557377049183,6.93514249180328,5.639467213114753,81.79231557377051,66.70491803278689,8.722950819672132,34.92213114754098,8.841846274778883,2.9756196721311468,256,12,47,4,4,79,50,61,0.14,0.644,0.21600000000000005,0.6767,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,1,0,2,8,1,2,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,12,12,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,8,4,8,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,4,3,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044444300010784,0.24878998701817726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333106123571364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459953724251949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689583606145953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428583780555735,0.18342572057412831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653621245840526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658243754081354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24687294310944155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684026094819106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692855211525996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319941701141334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25658409080135186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5112708157538255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592872567017168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529424061659325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133918926445876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736144138818818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535019038471412,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,P23-1,2020/03/30,"The bad events are over. Why do I want to die? This may sound like a really dumb question, but I don't get it. I may never see my abuser again. And yet, I can't stop thinking about what he did to me, and want to die almost every day. Shouldn't I be happy that it's over?",-0.5179781420765046,1.0491267377049205,1.9159836065573792,99.4338661202186,84.90163934426229,4.722404371584699,13.44535519125683,5.46131890053228,-1.2738218579234974,205,2,53,1,6,70,46,61,0.245,0.601,0.155,-0.8456,0,0,0,0,1,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,13,14,3,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,7,2,6,9,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,4,7,35,12,0,0.0,0.2926341156396599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473175000502801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622024017481916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928341079096872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126581034635709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080935791951169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290382682597353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629176795145981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206632728994135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048828622562614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766771515296146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822344362237778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681323699309106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064885985051139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825654308491405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913535941585009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22286347337100632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,salmonblu,2020/03/30,"Is it ok to be in love with someone who triggers your ptsd? I dont know what to do. It scares me every day because of it and I dont know what to do. I'm not asking for medical treatment, I just want to know anyone's opinion on it.",-0.4003773584905659,1.0444266981132095,2.5704150943396264,95.51373584905664,83.90566037735849,4.994716981132076,21.92075471698113,5.6839178017228535,0.015999245283018215,177,6,44,1,5,63,37,53,0.046,0.8059999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,1,0,10,13,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,9,12,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729942827198689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312942276499326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081836723319286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955848251555454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5799235383482699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845294279375026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079089193645797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232964851266287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492387654873041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892081443576338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476997951832257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962903352842455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459283710982003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,OmalletOdaddy,2020/03/30,"Episodes I need to talk about to someone (NSFW and trigger warning (in depth story)) So I have never served, and I don’t plan to, but I feeI need to speak about an episode I had two weeks ago. So, about 4 years ago, I was a delivery driver for a very prominent pizza business in a fairly large but well known city. 
(NSFW PART)
On a delivery route, I was beaten to near death and had a gun held to my head over $6 and some change. I struggled for the next few weeks/months but eventually got over it. (So I thought)
I eventually made my way to acting school and if you attend acting school, one of the major exercises is personalized monologues. (Meaning we attach personal experiences to monologues that we find in prominent works) and was asked to explain, in detail, my traumatic experience. I blacked out for a long time (as I was told) and refused.
I thought that was the end of that.
Until about two weeks ago when I had a nightmare. I had a nightmare that I was stabbed repeatedly by the same people who held a gun to my head 4 years ago and it felt so real. The worst part is that in my nightmare no one was there to help me (just like 4 years ago) and I was left alone to die.
I woke up to my GF trying to calm me down as I spent the next two hours bawling my eyes out trying to come to my senses.

I’m not looking for a response. And for those wondering, I do plan to seek therapy. I don’t really know how Reddit works, so I’m just posting my story to the most relevant tag, but I hope it’s ok.

But I have just been raised in a household where PTSD can only happen to those whom have served and I just needed to share my story somewhere.",4.442767857142859,4.661925598214285,5.470238095238094,84.34142857142858,69.80357142857143,8.423809523809524,28.202380952380953,8.269060116576782,1.6952595238095238,1275,41,274,17,21,422,169,336,0.14,0.777,0.083,-0.9713,0,1,0,2,0,0,43.0,2,1,0,5,18,9,1,1,19,1,22,5,3,3,1,51,46,27,2,5,11,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,12,16,1,3,9,1,1,4,5,3,1,5,23,5,39,6,49,23,8,43,0,0,3,0,16,17,0,5,21,187,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359786939028382,0.0,0.0,0.10187776138762904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919591581482469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040584415279936,0.08473380785844628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208862955206544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712329409126401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244212007763906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944470185608455,0.0,0.0899049634704207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786724699496448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869849432672956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190428666416085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659328187884605,0.0,0.0,0.09769987367622182,0.0968709343627268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054059514306457744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687521014952787,0.0,0.0,0.048056777350612326,0.0,0.0,0.08705102909132878,0.08260286941866245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093076516925673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714967499179924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851499619014612,0.0,0.0,0.2188119669671776,0.07586611020136785,0.0,0.20922722939998406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333110231350284,0.07481195987417544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130421095303081,0.0,0.06819476699360881,0.17177921734732918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420766924855192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498487340115175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119623189268656,0.06301593367309308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199103777600701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334539794862954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283375412492804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906305956906813,0.0,0.0,0.11249037085184074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618361764998878,0.05735814696566016,0.0,0.0,0.09399315997617247,0.0,0.13356844327747766,0.0,0.2882685768610648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116245170060482,0.0,0.07807854462071176,0.15780693253608266,0.0,0.08844306520042268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667399382607902,0.14322359196167264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003390506485784
ptsd,tbmboi,2020/03/30,"PTSD diagnosis Things have been really hard. I was diagnosed with PTSD last month, and I'm kind of shocked by it all. Things aren't getting better. They're getting worse. I'm working in it. Therapy, medication, time etc. I have no idea how to cope. I think about killing myself every day. My self harm has been at an all time high. I don't know what to do. I'm honest with my therapist, but it's so hard. I am constantly racked with flashbacks, panic attacks, fear and constant eyeing every escape. My husband hasn't seen me without my clothes in a year due to my self harm relapses. I am so lonely. I feel so utterly alone. My head knows I'm not alone, that things could improve with time. But I can't think straight. I can't trust my own mind. I don't know what to do. I just want to die. I can't make any of these thoughts or feelings stop. I'm trying so hard. The worst thing that ever happened to me happens over and over and over. I just can't anymore.",0.3458375634517772,2.7102967411167533,1.9187329949238607,95.3413685279188,89.20304568527918,4.9794111675126915,21.077969543147205,6.55674776486733,0.3160892994923863,746,26,164,9,25,241,113,197,0.301,0.655,0.044000000000000004,-0.9952,0,4,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,2,2,3,0,19,4,2,2,3,33,39,12,2,2,7,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,12,8,0,1,9,0,0,0,11,9,0,0,5,7,23,4,21,33,5,20,0,1,2,0,3,8,0,1,12,100,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23513383892330966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719383901461901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257600779910727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913927583690835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039446300707797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453379701833657,0.0,0.09063219297499901,0.0,0.0,0.07320754365268048,0.0,0.0,0.11521495704862915,0.11781026128785566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659881545991086,0.0,0.10268047905257556,0.1912819383653329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277355144393205,0.11479281239559044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861341503903156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007612197243384,0.0,0.3050604280262539,0.0,0.11649875638163887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993443592316355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814419695496124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255871163017555,0.11820801602962255,0.18715401118075367,0.09252957168698248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757718950488908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435404446500222,0.0,0.0,0.11461741399453265,0.0,0.09060629236342772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318495681635767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653850490300097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272037683235877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23684102538401225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949033111092887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981386899374847,0.1317992312093781,0.3016562971239289,0.14547117905975993,0.0,0.0901179342154048,0.19857387577816502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706898050926675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695386812979133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942404975142893,0.0,0.08264000048597236,0.0,0.115681102847086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309969813312904
ptsd,sugatae,2020/03/30,"My ex gave me the dummest trigger I’ve had PTSD since I was about 12 from my now deceased father and I have been developing new triggers since.

I dated a guy a few months back and he became very mentally unwell and got into drugs and alcohol. I now can’t stand the word “rape” because of something that happened to him and I’ll do anything to avoid the topic because it becomes too much. That’s completely normal she reasonable, but I also get triggered by the minecraft music. Yep. It just reminds me too much of seeing him happy but I had to watch him go down hill. I remember we used to play it together all the time, and now I can’t stand it. I deleted the game off of my PlayStation which I used to play daily but I just couldn’t stand seeing the logo. Even browsing through tiktok or twitter or Facebook or instagram and hearing the music triggers me and I just burst into tears.

I feel as if doctors think it’s stupid. But I hate it. I can’t stand it.",2.654593693147362,4.550038510309282,3.8842995755003034,87.53968768950882,76.26804123711341,6.214190418435416,26.87568223165555,7.048011613610866,1.3083047907822918,757,30,150,8,17,247,115,194,0.086,0.84,0.07400000000000001,-0.34,0,1,3,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,12,7,3,1,10,1,10,4,0,7,1,37,23,18,0,3,11,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,10,11,1,1,4,3,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,5,26,3,17,16,4,17,0,0,3,1,12,4,0,4,8,104,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780788883104641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325551752517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712390441263572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812969100490945,0.0,0.2031545913447862,0.1840319072666553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747104388570312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055487098479394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324017046155031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005883747132712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425412527349102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705832117237193,0.0,0.09470078241666983,0.0,0.13327079984679968,0.0,0.0,0.16499183739208229,0.14735209116074433,0.17738281901772,0.0,0.16451456173386875,0.0,0.0,0.1878063283974542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792582256232125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300404002730115,0.0,0.2449873257799179,0.0,0.0,0.16093418449095473,0.0,0.0,0.16326394064648125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947838431698264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713254065138713,0.0,0.0,0.188761526751294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655681950509434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27567935706251673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282814230501861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677103111600626,0.0,0.0,0.09716443539571784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878330233619085,0.0,0.13748881740448887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DOC2023,2020/03/30,Really bad flashbacks Can someone please talk to me? I’m having Horrible flashbacks and they won’t stop. Can’t sleep.,1.8727272727272712,4.477222181818182,2.6459090909090897,85.88886363636364,99.9090909090909,5.836363636363638,23.681818181818183,7.1686216300943375,1.7836909090909097,96,4,16,2,4,30,20,22,0.354,0.56,0.086,-0.8016,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36008107638728043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733900180475035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27627388970621897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315678433953861,0.0,0.3654021441598104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36054965675721945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466275547472786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Hjklgn,2020/03/30,"CHANGED OUR LEGAL NAME!!!! First time I've ever been happy! We\* finally changed our legal name!!!!!

YAY!

I've never been happy

And this is the first time I've been happy!!!

OMG

No more triggering corpse name!

Next is going on T/ the legal sex change !!!!!

yay

\*we have dissociative identity disorder D.I.D with mostly male alters, we are transitioning FtM

\-D",2.2290624999999977,5.1167862812500005,3.3153749999999995,82.692125,92.4375,6.3100000000000005,18.9,7.554174236665415,1.2289862500000002,278,8,47,6,10,89,45,64,0.105,0.601,0.295,0.9447,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,5,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,2,7,1,0,1,2,12,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,0,5,5,2,5,2,10,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,1,8,25,6,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5803342246558194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957676935056155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540999644330667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003174102141773,0.0,0.3110862431468745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039252216941592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5839829931935124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103517086123676,0.0,0.1944768090055439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325769928401986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,4Incarnations,2020/03/30,"In-person sessions or phone sessions with therapist? I have the option to do either but I'm leaning towards my quarterly check in with my therapist in-person. 

What are your thoughts? Is it selfish to want to go in person rather than have a phone session? If there wasn't anything going on in my life I'd just do a phone session. But I know I'm going to need EMDR and it works better for me when in-person than over the phone.",2.251982758620688,4.254501137931037,3.7064224137931054,87.85894396551727,77.85057471264369,5.729310344827588,24.66810344827586,6.6274283507984215,0.9188172413793104,337,12,66,3,8,111,54,87,0.05,0.88,0.07,0.1754,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,15,16,6,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,2,0,7,1,15,14,1,10,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,1,47,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651914226232616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775376869538275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34225448227911104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103211248041944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178817524307866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884572201661847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7011116070451908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661478322675228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593646613014124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840129947740945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461406744623788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lapetitepapillon,2020/03/30,"Any tips for dealing with dissociative episodes/incoherent intrusive thoughts? I'll try and make it short. Like many people here, I have PTSD. With that, I have issues with dissociation. I'm having an especially rough time today with being very ""spaced out"" (this hasn't happened in a while) and stuck in my thoughts. I keep having intrusive thoughts related to traumatic events and stuff or my thoughts end incoherently. I feel like I'm on autopilot on the outside, so I feel pretty trapped in my own head, I would love some tips related to getting ahold of these thoughts. Thank you!",6.170499999999998,8.208261514285716,5.8239880952380965,76.68455357142858,67.19047619047619,9.44047619047619,34.07738095238095,9.827888789773867,3.4793095238095244,469,22,83,11,8,145,74,105,0.085,0.774,0.141,0.7275,2,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,7,2,1,1,0,20,23,6,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,10,4,14,15,2,13,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,2,7,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115351668476981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487721813186544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023851203437402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715362599920537,0.12118102872613032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862271590038273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999993494487635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408547230784086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704573739500928,0.0,0.15077160713624366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165741637701625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309431559194364,0.0,0.11322684075729135,0.17197439620889704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175974855922942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725708805982761,0.0,0.0,0.19828401194465528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418147646278835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561690633570744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6733214855059286,0.09891043196946576,0.0,0.16078585355552052,0.0,0.0,0.11516509093271356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995942306528678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049762300799445,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bessii-the-cow,2020/03/30,"Anyone have suggestions on some books to read about PTSD? I’m about 3/4 finished with a book called, “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.  I have been glued to this book ever since I’ve opened it. Has anyone else ever read it? It’s taught me so much about PTSD that I feel as though I can begin to explain some of my behavior better to other people. (I usually have difficulty explaining my situation to others) So I’m looking for more literature that I can read that’s along the same lines. I’d like something more informational rather than just a self help book. (Not that self help books sent informational lol) Does anyone have any suggestions?",4.0357193987115245,6.220777110236224,4.52217609162491,83.20455261274161,73.1732283464567,7.767788117394417,22.56907659269864,8.575989854853784,1.3567385826771652,531,14,103,10,11,168,82,127,0.019,0.889,0.092,0.8377,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,5,1,8,1,1,0,2,17,18,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,1,5,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,8,2,16,15,6,8,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,2,6,61,18,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485923623275792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234543477877555,0.15799303147028754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637470097744978,0.0,0.1712780871412493,0.0,0.0,0.15745236012882854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493881913519773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881179335963508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27895999854153425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796662781943188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067099750454167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705736361365994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533285721318822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294866304062822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335252480254808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690077295727604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36049604351986864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627161333552077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217221652319623,0.0,0.0,0.12755333795125234,0.1733238697450671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870837106949095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514977531175675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698261922364689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,durdeee,2020/03/31,"I don't know what to do anymore I've had a pretty messed up life, grew up with a physically and emotionally abusive father who to this day still makes my life a living hell, my mom ditched us when I was 10 and wasn't never there to begin with. I dated this guy for a while 2018-2019 I thought I loved him I genuinely give him my everything. He was very abusive and manipulative but at the same time he managed to make me feel like the luckiest person in the world. Our relationship was honestly some sort of messed up version of Stockholm syndrome. Last year, around this time he cheated on me, sexually abused me, slut shamed me, did a smear campaign on me and then literally threw me in the trash. I was diagnosed with PTSD last year after this, my recovery has been absolute hell to this day I still can't 100% say he was abusive because he gaslit me so much it made me question everything that ever happened. Despise all this I somehow manage to get feelings for a friend of mine. He was a good friend and I felt comfortable feeling this way about him. Things went down really fast though. He started ghosting me, lying to me and just being an asshole. Before all this though we managed to kind of start a sexual relationship, this took a lot out of me because what my abuser did really mess me up. I spent months showering in the dark because I couldn't even look at my own body, this was a big deal. But I thought I was safe to give myself to someone that way. My ""friend"" is currently ghosting me, and when we were talking he went days without saying crap. I don't think hes abusive like my ex but he just doesn't give a crap. I've tried telling him how important this is for me and how triggering his behavior is but he just doesn't care. I know I should just leave him and move on but, I can't. I still am somewhat processing the shit hole I went through with my ex and I can't handle this on top of it. Everyone told me that I'll meet someone that was good for me and I geniuenly thought he was it, I don't know what happened. I feel so worthless and dirty and ashamed.",3.97741447891806,5.080955878281628,4.811176610978522,85.44499085123311,71.36276849642005,8.164232299124901,29.0024661893397,8.548686976883017,1.980393731105808,1639,63,343,27,30,531,202,419,0.183,0.687,0.13,-0.9840000000000001,2,0,0,0,2,0,37.0,4,0,0,1,21,27,7,2,18,0,34,9,4,7,4,64,68,28,2,2,10,4,5,2,3,1,3,2,1,2,24,21,0,1,13,0,1,7,12,14,0,0,28,8,62,13,44,37,9,54,2,1,1,2,46,19,5,6,28,229,86,3,0.0,0.5394951113104595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526132555517262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675571463895912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878337573559338,0.0,0.06457580325086272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429538012579646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737371799006226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682604802715132,0.07823804952087804,0.0,0.07702556309099166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536471727407695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012385524638156,0.06864578974880164,0.0,0.07251502740962303,0.13640797074249728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534866867994745,0.05421499396975106,0.07286517594932529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589456105735166,0.0,0.03964878049501304,0.21839843698295008,0.0,0.1273038970061585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514187105992094,0.13421648015348073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902653639585748,0.12511954580559229,0.12371904732386314,0.0,0.08035531149364601,0.0,0.0,0.10720504719596087,0.0741508962499233,0.0,0.06701122557467576,0.0,0.0637275025281232,0.0,0.0,0.06451796785449558,0.06849263027283294,0.07180784407895663,0.10131276410837807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888007829466607,0.06057373858095862,0.08065781431969334,0.05578702054612324,0.0,0.0585301426413188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662631975427943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720622072069229,0.0,0.0,0.08870997898666554,0.0,0.08501285546472392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723265307189882,0.0,0.0,0.16295240159210955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069968414557572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789879150985045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860071558915415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742900627706373,0.0,0.18181474849036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099656542234595,0.0663301807093424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050417165316711324,0.048626496800494204,0.14912077663172188,0.18074175798048667,0.08850277191307182,0.0,0.0,0.07251502740962303,0.08431528034957264,0.05152353281761315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912849162792266,0.0,0.0,0.06261623091715987,0.0,0.120474038849416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104911188496245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315412220518451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977398343881563
ptsd,mattbadsuns,2020/03/31,"Advice after gaslighting 
For 3 years straight, I had a friend who kept me wrapped around his finger. 

I was not allowed to be friends with certain people without the suicide card being pulled, I would be constantly demeaned and harassed for anything I would do. Within minutes, I’d be love-bombed. This person made me believe I had their trust. Everything I did was always wrong, and I’d be at blame for everything, and 5 minutes later I was the best person in the world. I was stalked, he had to have tabs on me wherever. All conversations were passive aggressive. 

I am terrified of this person, legitimately terrified. Everyone that they surrounded their self with hates my guts because of what they told them I’ve done. I didn’t do anything but because of gaslighting, I don’t know if I was the abuser or not. I tried to help but also take up for myself. I never belittled them or hurt them deliberately.

Everything I see is skewed now. I’m terrified I’m an abuser. I’m terrified I’m a horrible person but I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m paranoid I’m being watched wherever I go.

I haven’t spoken to them in 5 months, and I’m in a great relationship. Every day I worry when they’re going to come back into my life and destroy it all. I can’t live in peace. My birthday is on the 3rd, and I have a feeling that’s when they’ll come back. Does anyone have any advice or can anyone offer support? Everything is appreciated greatly.

Let me add this: they were borderline, I was their favorite person, and I left and never looked back.",3.096842857142857,5.368710103333335,4.518571428571431,81.75000000000001,76.3,7.219047619047619,27.714285714285715,8.192908349453996,2.087828571428572,1221,51,225,22,28,405,155,300,0.19399999999999998,0.6729999999999999,0.133,-0.9738,1,0,0,0,2,1,37.0,0,0,11,1,8,15,4,0,10,0,39,3,2,2,5,38,61,18,1,3,10,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,8,15,0,1,3,0,0,5,10,7,0,0,18,5,44,8,27,33,3,34,0,1,3,0,27,15,0,4,14,156,52,0,0.0,0.2283502634600815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833082760454656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706195177871923,0.08018225103562518,0.0,0.0,0.06553056577716228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475936677983025,0.0,0.2378971446542981,0.08578405171755274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222930259029047,0.0,0.11748473618647899,0.0,0.0,0.108568800432265,0.10112767360708104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660174513343945,0.0,0.10413483898431213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062146562678505136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432845289473177,0.09861343958468266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119050564164,0.09207956809977537,0.3464216309368485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048724341472446316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489005869249771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953133143806884,0.0,0.0,0.21248246160441667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513912413298664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459050295980293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031592478213396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591785041133073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469935465129572,0.09853832987574178,0.0680644743341167,0.0,0.0,0.08509084156994931,0.0,0.0809211706660435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697192897569149,0.09118158684014917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691652180197894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864312812810665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680640051923084,0.4207049785821984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345846437225112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678932858112884,0.0,0.1005282713670862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105406159393797,0.10935229356126218,0.0,0.0,0.07245344933859807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207956809977537,0.0,0.06542457223412479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289109055039373,0.0,0.0,0.09786193330497524,0.0,0.13690790111272336,0.21071698123582586,0.0,0.06205501161687964
ptsd,CluelessConception,2020/03/31,"Do I have sexual trauma?  Ok so am 17F and I have experienced a lot of trauma that I am already struggling to accept and cope with in the first place, but to top this off I feel like I don’t know if I really do have, or have a right to have even, sexual trauma.
	I guess I should start by saying that I never really questioned wether I had experienced sexual abuse until I was about 12. I had been at a sleepover with a group of friends when one of us had told them about a certain person in their life that they didn’t trust and disliked because they had sexual abused her. She was wanting to get what had happened off of her chest and felt that she was in a safe place to talk about what had happened and so she told us (me and our friends). When this happened it sort of spurred us all to talk about any similar situation we’d been in. Me trying to comfort her at the time told her that to an extent I had understood what she was going through because I had been sexually abused by a relative. Now, keep in mind my memory about this talk is very spotty on its own as I have memory issues but, up until that point that I told her this I figured I’d never been sexually abused. Even as I told her this I told myself, and felt like, it was  a lie that I’d made up for attention or to seem relatable (yea fucked up I know). 
	But after telling her this I started having lots of what seemed to be memories of sexual abuse that I to this day don’t know if they are true. But they come and go like some other ptsd flashback and memories I have. So at this point I’m questioning if maybe I had experience previous sexual trauma and that conversation had triggered the memories to be there. Whenever these memories or flashbacks come I brush it off as something I created in my head but now that I am going to therapy my therapist is telling me that what I’m experiencing is ptsd and that like many people with ptsd, my mind is telling me that it is all made up, because that would be easier to deal with than the reality of trauma. 
	I’m also real,y worried about this lately because my therapist has mentioned that we are going to start a kind of ptsd segment in therapy so that I can basically come to terms with these things and move on. But this is very frightening for me because for one I sincerely believe it’s a lie and secondly it makes me feel so ashamed and vulnerable and just stupid and stressed to talk about. Yesterday during an on,one therapy session she gave me a list of emotions and asked me to tell her about any events in my life where I felt these emotions and I felt that at some point she was expecting me to bring up said sexual abuse, so my mind kept traveling to that and I almost cried! Which doesn’t make sense to me because how could I become so emotional and uncomfortable with something that I’d made up on my own?! After that session I dissociated for hours  and I can’t remember a large chunk of my day yesterday because of that. 
	I apologize for how long this is but basically I just want to know if this seems.....real? Is it possible that it’s real or is it something I just made up? My therapist tells me that the majority of the ptsd that I am currently struggling with stems from this event but how could that be true if it wasn’t real? Is she wrong?",6.205774920154648,5.626838980332831,6.976884770549674,77.74491700285763,66.15582450832072,10.854278029920994,31.976844847873593,10.380263240014207,3.0170957808034964,2590,90,534,58,36,863,239,661,0.139,0.773,0.08800000000000001,-0.9929,1,0,3,0,6,0,44.0,6,0,6,2,30,28,2,4,20,2,63,5,2,10,7,110,115,56,0,12,20,0,6,4,2,2,2,2,0,1,61,32,0,3,19,1,0,10,8,12,0,4,40,12,88,16,92,66,12,70,0,0,0,1,56,34,1,20,30,397,149,2,0.0,0.3560268084068341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014889213764935,0.0,0.0552656341581735,0.04004976145805198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811360125221455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681897906479584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370240990775205,0.055310535155197016,0.0,0.056424142637661726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942105352279126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997121443517978,0.0,0.05501163216819765,0.06459621001707708,0.051631316916354066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900316909907165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615606271229392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04898883250200607,0.0,0.0,0.05064492160218099,0.035777879847624136,0.19234247349694372,0.0,0.0,0.042598877113091516,0.0,0.0,0.07738492017997495,0.04629908195836973,0.026165257999417487,0.0,0.1138487566178899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055169872987872515,0.0,0.13285940149273556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139755931205256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049319701694139316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052271557574975314,0.0,0.04451429816415266,0.0,0.05215165984381399,0.11009284206307524,0.0,0.0564935548081315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074738954644165,0.09786819705646756,0.0,0.0,0.04432011330536036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515415876275594,0.0,0.18955143066195088,0.06685891920088839,0.05077427835948778,0.05031310068281775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517026151252517,0.0,0.0,0.053228182430713936,0.0,0.0,0.0772511166211247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787236994061581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0347198629532394,0.04372880169143295,0.1046479816696178,0.0,0.1420282114889425,0.056458808121449613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927100730879925,0.0,0.1122043739419158,0.0,0.0,0.2280125904342175,0.06416634816584288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056732015748759336,0.04276890447539971,0.047638504015276036,0.03982642513449329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118373174803696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056293147725684944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566441273298075,0.0,0.0,0.10634277892408184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736762181134197,0.10471107997243348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101285854729086,0.21886502809666786,0.0,0.17181598083182936,0.1744437197554823,0.03327159427455679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029202636649321267,0.0,0.0,0.2871272776593367,0.0,0.034001714866964634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807238474485951,0.0,0.0,0.08264414776160198,0.0590781483898255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050859691381063415,0.0,0.03557610892747537,0.05475571691908618,0.0,0.0
ptsd,yodelingomelette,2020/03/31,"Could this be trauma? So, to start this off I wanna say: I have been diagnosed with PTSD based off of a sexually abusive relationship my freshman year of high school, so I understand what it is like to have PTSD and the challenges it brings. I just want to ask this question outside of my own head to see if I'm making any sense.

Long story short, I was sent to a wilderness program when I was 16. I was using drugs, just doing a bunch of dumb stuff and getting into trouble, cutting classes, pretty depressed, etc. If you dont know what wilderness therapy is, look it up- its pretty intense. I was promised that I'd be there 8-10 weeks max, then I'd come home. Anyway, it helped me a lot, but after 71 days hiking through the desert I was sent to a RTC (residential treatment center) in Utah. It was a 9 month long program for me. The entire time, I had extremely limited privileges (only left the extremely tiny campus once a week, had to be under CONSTANT supervision, could not choose what to eat, was put on communication block, and could not have any access to social media or contact with parents without a therapist, etc,) and experienced many other people have flashbacks/psychotic episodes. At one point my roommate was drawing on the wall with their blood and tried to kill themselves in our bathroom, self harming in front of me, and I had to watch them get restrained by staff several times where they screamed. I was also extremely misunderstood (I have Aspergers) by the staff, who were mostly poorly-trained burnt out (undergrad) college students- even my own therapist denied that I had autism even after extensive testing proved otherwise. I faked my way through most of it, which was exhausting- it was all a survival game. **Summary**: I had an extremely painful time at my RTC, and was often misunderstood, witnessed others have intense psychiatric ""breaks"", was very. lonely, and etc. 

However, the same program has helped many people, and many people really appreciate the program after they leave. I mostly attribute this to my ""free spirit""- being so caged up/controlled for so long is what I think hurt me the most.

It's also worth mentioning that I truly do not think I needed to be there at the RTC. The wilderness program seemed pretty sensible, but the RTC was much more of a lockdown facility than what I needed.

Anyway, it's been a bit since I was discharged from the program, and not an hour goes by that I dont think about the intense pain that it caused me. I still have a very strong resentment for my parents for their decision to send me there (after promising I would come home- by the way, they got divorced and sold the house and I moved thousands of miles away directly after discharging, almost a year after being sent into treatment). It causes a lot of arguments and tension. Additionally, I have an intense fear of being sent back into treatment, or to another RTC- I keep a weapon by my bed in case the goons come for me in the middle of the night. Sometimes I smell something (idk what) and I get sent back to a feeling of horror, complete powerlessness, anger, and misery. I have had episodes that seem to be a lot like flashbacks. I could go on. Basically, it all haunts me and torments me, even though no direct harm was inflicted upon me.

Does this seem like trauma or PTSD? I'm not sure, because I was never abused in the program in any way, and no singular traumatic event occurred that jumps out at me. It was just being there that hurts me the most. 

Thanks for reading. This was a long post.",5.453870131512389,7.03572591047041,5.629018399089532,79.1584694296915,68.34749620637331,8.283775923115831,31.179849519473947,8.72156446121922,2.588255665149216,2801,115,493,46,48,886,319,659,0.175,0.738,0.087,-0.9971,4,3,2,0,2,0,106.0,1,1,6,4,26,33,6,2,42,0,59,8,2,5,5,91,96,33,1,11,16,2,1,3,0,1,5,2,3,1,39,29,1,4,13,2,3,15,11,22,0,2,35,8,62,12,81,47,20,84,1,4,3,0,29,34,1,19,33,362,101,19,0.0,0.1570610367077633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636947108672125,0.0,0.0,0.10600758548461356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352172549449229,0.06949996659469773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061962502956629174,0.0,0.06227189015602611,0.1019298819634578,0.0,0.04040344465381394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236018501394324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361748663557219,0.0,0.17128208627654284,0.0694929265450221,0.07162472913516572,0.07433823611621743,0.21167555166152616,0.0,0.0,0.042744875412926,0.0,0.057086544512355834,0.0672724249308828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800174711829794,0.0,0.1553584554384533,0.0,0.07686332344698145,0.06782060383850635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217579087176392,0.1313312030705426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458300576807901,0.03351297024407976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388510654446972,0.0,0.03766823871138656,0.0,0.05300987144751408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802201766144958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885167201145723,0.07002806357739982,0.1329677374155194,0.0,0.06527208032054302,0.07647778920826558,0.14190742032268372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058912376704996175,0.07332858571591523,0.0,0.03642554893388487,0.0,0.0,0.07018055361527392,0.07201300727660838,0.0,0.0,0.09714263164109292,0.0,0.0,0.2346215322569,0.055658192654708415,0.0,0.0,0.16904570281650833,0.0,0.0,0.04424216483798868,0.2015914124451355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290376490538156,0.07044475289977131,0.04872315113585461,0.09829100529093998,0.05111893336476598,0.0,0.0,0.062198938833464675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058563825907896,0.044912789718230636,0.05040864203456378,0.14105238965481354,0.0,0.1471913613948953,0.0,0.0,0.13784984127375935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265566977392419,0.0,0.06347756005921877,0.20229062193914846,0.0,0.0,0.23243200682418336,0.06662933040430312,0.07424834961160423,0.0,0.06629756192825814,0.0,0.04246042542319875,0.0,0.0,0.07115951356605085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270821864211813,0.0,0.06707851972922102,0.052816280446961364,0.18101544590116508,0.06914410467546515,0.0748771113184698,0.0,0.05482719131053626,0.0,0.0,0.06756373163170054,0.0,0.051025294008977415,0.06555224460295878,0.0,0.04691306022414735,0.0,0.05293099471706659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587431418815309,0.0,0.0,0.062467762854175386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061021374414644315,0.07579652833775287,0.15391150792580968,0.0,0.1274079237226233,0.06511939575009537,0.0,0.11594454829230867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044999515155146295,0.0,0.0,0.0689994278513149,0.0,0.057244316025355076,0.0,0.1093752651662758,0.0390934404956861,0.15782904550227392,0.10633103565476702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389119400035201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708314445629543,0.0,0.0,0.08536381180189187
ptsd,Samanthina,2020/03/31,"Is it normal if i forget everything like that? Im a 17 year old girl suffering of ptsd from rape, abusive mother and abusive ex boyfriend. I noticed that when time passes by, its getting harder for me to recall my traumatic events. For example, i was raped when i was 14, and i cant even remember where and how it happened, all i remember is that i was crying, begging him to stop and he answered ""you will get used to it"", thats all i can recall. I cant remember how the walls in my room have punch holes in them. I cant remember anything anymore.
The most recent thing i noticed is that i think my memory may be damaged in general. I started to forget when i have to do my chores, i forget to take my birth control even with my alarm, i forget to call my family, i forget to eat, i forget things that ive just been told seconds ago. This doesnt happen once every few days, this happens everyday. 
Does anyone else experience this? Should i be concerned?",4.845781249999998,5.165037848958335,6.137500000000002,79.55750000000002,68.94791666666666,9.108333333333333,30.583333333333336,9.075114841892004,2.515252083333333,745,28,146,13,12,252,115,192,0.23800000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.013000000000000001,-0.9915,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,1,9,6,2,1,3,0,21,3,0,4,2,31,31,10,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,15,5,1,2,6,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,5,0,31,1,17,21,4,21,0,2,0,2,9,6,0,3,15,105,46,0,0.0,0.2867624395580825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727117410848787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200128835356025,0.08461545913180431,0.12399264058978958,0.0995838068110284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356832271516653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572694022640164,0.0,0.0,0.13292765717741467,0.07804370204702132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589973713991133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382703066718664,0.10109125857725658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985656265460102,0.0,0.10195910052374872,0.0,0.10875913880925564,0.11837443238255778,0.11408076627076195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644912751073994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210355388188706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307153556416395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059121087823379215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856754512780784,0.0,0.2755493639248614,0.1269833209343008,0.12887543753197006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145831604796558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948624086688657,0.0,0.5483388616703787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565398445728442,0.0,0.0,0.101172712072247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098709838084504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079199628005586,0.07754057019609549,0.0,0.0,0.07056395020836488,0.0,0.0,0.1156335936803598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451681752749606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792873215218495
ptsd,earthchild8,2020/03/31,"There is hope. (trigger warning) I just want to try to give some hope to those who suffer from ptsd. Mine specifically is related to sexual assaults and childhood abuse. 
I’ve had horrid nightmares for as long as I can remember growing up watching how my parents treated each Other and how horrible my mother was to me while at the same time treating my sister like an angel. I was sexually Molested when I was a child by a friends dad. When I was older I got into a very abusive relationship. I had every kind of abuse thrown at me. I suffered from alcohol and drug addiction in an attempt to self medicate. I struggled a lot with admitting to myself what had happened. I told my self for years that I was fine. 
In 2018 I did what I needed to do and admitted myself to a mental health facility. For the first time what happened to me was validated. I was Diagnosed with ptsd and major depression. That year I decided to get sober. These past two years have been one hell of a ride. All I can do is take it one little step at a time. My life is in no way simple or easy. Stepping up and finally making the choice to get help. Changed my life forever. I had therapy. I did a lot of work on myself and started taking medication. Today I am not a victim. I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to be. I am hopeful. I am at peace. finally for the first time I’m in a relationship with someone I trust. A healthy beautiful and respectful relationship. Don’t you ever give up hope. Cling to it because we can all get better. You are not a lost cause. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are worthy of love and respect. 

I hope in some way this post can bring a light to someone. I send so much love to all of you suffering from any mental health disorder. Stay strong. Cry when you need to. It’s okay to be angry and to hurt. Just know those feelings don’t have to last forever.",1.5338037166085954,3.9027463783068836,3.5828584333462423,85.79624274099888,82.57142857142857,6.968228158472062,24.56342753903729,8.096554002634818,1.6828781004000517,1473,58,296,31,41,499,192,378,0.14300000000000002,0.662,0.195,0.9391,1,0,2,0,2,0,42.0,1,7,0,8,10,31,4,1,19,1,40,12,0,5,4,51,71,20,0,8,6,4,1,1,1,0,10,0,0,3,16,16,1,0,7,0,0,6,6,11,0,5,17,3,49,20,53,52,11,48,2,6,1,2,29,15,1,10,24,218,65,1,0.0,0.2847676268495924,0.0,0.08733659372797772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561800022891841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544805844019701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048837035128890295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085473510796307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229962555010219,0.08475048266427053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800197946756436,0.0,0.0,0.06900247252739403,0.08131449701145789,0.0,0.0,0.09181811929950844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290734637768433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246812150901258,0.06749989326033777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04050828138805937,0.0,0.0,0.17552296397935307,0.0,0.13629064840634772,0.0,0.0,0.06189623801704028,0.0,0.12556950629212907,0.15370619258248236,0.0,0.0,0.06407485738510728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125348741969469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031586294827594,0.0,0.0,0.05369903809519079,0.0,0.0,0.3978587094287088,0.0,0.0,0.08576419326037471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083426888421389,0.04402881556548977,0.06530398286080981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317443378545942,0.03913988155067757,0.08029574216987796,0.0,0.07089878171899062,0.0,0.0,0.08745440388984646,0.13622090884534616,0.14461286762805955,0.0,0.05347702842873943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141379288060387,0.16147307803849645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588933509011427,0.11880772343489905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857527163831276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895763404214015,0.0,0.07647832333065692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672751313830556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729904804918807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580388647717879,0.09075407306242496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715372156629232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576145481847968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056705431672993724,0.08539136162577546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375303500890914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204722167462504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161787438659244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868615585121993,0.0,0.07593914661947332,0.07655280588627325,0.0,0.05439246384175467,0.0,0.0782601925968215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661028250552008,0.04725358798378549,0.1271822688320574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583242857063013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547732691392481
ptsd,cosmosvip,2020/03/31,Life on the other side of ptsd? I've had ptsd for about 4 years now and haven't been able to address it in therapy yet but I plan to after things settle down. Has anyone here successfully worked through their trauma in therapy? What's life like after you've worked through it?,3.0812727272727263,5.242660036363642,3.503636363636364,89.53545454545456,75.9090909090909,6.581818181818183,21.909090909090907,7.554174236665415,0.759109090909091,222,6,45,3,5,69,44,55,0.064,0.7959999999999999,0.14,0.6586,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,4,4,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,13,2,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,30,7,3,0.239757991700839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764436244820122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386963200489839,0.11713364410108322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5605285239879699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5483683172521551,0.0,0.15928455615394532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34909334692422045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439628588080562
ptsd,noobras,2020/03/31,"Locked in with family Hi.
I thought I would be happy to be home from school but I recently realised that being locked in with the people who trigger me the most is so fucking hard, I can't take it anymore. I don't have the courage to call for help from a child protective service, what the hell should I do?",2.962380952380953,4.437093492063493,3.7462222222222223,90.64600000000004,74.39682539682539,6.944761904761903,26.885714285714286,7.554174236665415,1.306958095238095,242,9,52,3,5,77,47,63,0.183,0.7290000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,5,0,10,1,0,1,0,8,13,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,7,2,9,7,1,3,1,0,0,1,5,2,2,1,1,38,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944925656465712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032170490115555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27993609152834903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745235869340689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161066054198505,0.26600702903768897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199037945773693,0.0,0.29786299695010937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058663133829056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29320026813550365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005271700620937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232678963585035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23574349612061776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094329776796256,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,UndercutRapunzel,2020/03/31,"Anybody with recurring nightmares suddenly have a shift in the plot of the dream? *trigger warning for general content, but no explicit details*

I've had the same recurring nightmare for years, and it's basically just my brain reliving the night I was attacked. Often I dream that I'm waking up, which makes it even more confusing and disturbing. But in the dreams, no matter what, I never win. I always try to fight but it's ineffective and the attack happens anyway, just like what really happened. I wake up feeling terrified and defeated.

But last night, the dream completely changed. The plot became very bizarre and I actually became someone else and so did the attacker (so he looked different, but it was him), which might not make sense but the point is, I dreamed I actually overpowered *him* and killed him. I dreamed every detail and it was pretty horrific and obviously not a good dream by any means. I'm pretty shaken up that my brain could even come up with all that violence and feel so vindicated in doing it, but it was the most powerful dream I've ever had. I woke up crying, and felt horrible, but relieved, because I finally felt safe. 

Part of me hopes this is some kind of breakthrough and maybe the nightmares will finally stop. Maybe that's too optimistic. It was just such a bizarre thing to happen after all these years.",4.9118025833815295,7.226512773279357,5.431150954308852,77.07318488529016,71.06477732793522,9.239174860227491,31.19510314247157,9.725611199111238,3.3696471563524195,1073,48,184,28,21,344,140,247,0.27,0.568,0.161,-0.9916,3,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,0,0,0,4,13,16,5,2,15,0,15,4,4,3,6,54,31,23,1,2,13,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,19,15,0,2,5,8,0,1,5,9,0,0,11,5,17,7,19,17,7,24,0,1,1,0,5,9,0,6,15,130,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.221678436686453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450895685158184,0.0,0.0,0.07723935576143792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876462654196701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692382648251804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535891695494628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015423023293507,0.09784045684749304,0.11908810480956986,0.0,0.0,0.09068563354271716,0.0,0.1247640104161614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866855572598645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488281901547473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003909849634425,0.1027410237984768,0.09569736313632096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148604990846467,0.0,0.2181122193709052,0.2488460945843498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526682379072557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30131939552426684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281211733565523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566116776815994,0.11827771646694067,0.0,0.09258413102930177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549021304999079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953799042566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163314671501826,0.0,0.2282158870861262,0.12372361654950735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049208614561165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760110124809152,0.0,0.0,0.21317719989946954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299776117119972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737128712109713,0.0,0.0,0.23110655990649656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276325583699317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623728730629896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495927010859716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545854160336764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711442363423902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371668232490757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462856016032367
ptsd,anonta22,2020/03/31,"I kept this to myself for about six years... TW: Sexual Assault

You know in movies when a kid has ""their"" bully? Just this one person that picks on them more than anyone else? When I was in fourth grade, I had one of those. He was in fifth grade. I remember his name, and I even vaguely remember what he looked like...

He and his little sister bullied me ruthlessly. Until one day, suddenly I was his ""girlfriend"" (I don't remember how this happened). Every day on the bus, he would make me touch his penis. One time he even made me touch tongues with him (that may not seem like much, but it's traumatic as a kid).

This happened for the whole year. It was also the only year I had ever ridden the school bus, which contributes to the trauma. Now I always choose a window seat when on a bus (looking out the window helps to distract me, as well as he would always use the window seat as to not get caught).

I hid this from everyone until I was in high school. I wish I had told someone. I wish I had told someone immediately.

I don't know why I'm posting this, or why I even wrote it.",2.2610164171897607,4.0340485733945,3.553544181554805,90.02132061805892,77.02752293577981,6.424336069531628,21.10671173346209,7.273561745256523,0.5254183486238531,831,21,177,10,19,271,120,218,0.094,0.8390000000000001,0.067,-0.6986,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,2,0,13,6,1,1,11,0,15,0,0,5,1,30,34,15,0,4,5,1,2,2,1,3,0,0,3,3,14,4,0,1,7,0,0,2,4,3,1,5,15,4,30,3,25,16,3,27,0,0,2,0,24,10,0,3,16,121,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139911889801404,0.19019988273744484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991549073593614,0.1171054653847896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741752421910895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547614137188223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264659871194973,0.10338348517317406,0.0962957790095758,0.10921072200449038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971275333039883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021357396676351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660739085167863,0.12075557196871448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562357920761422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167441020176096,0.11455041882182902,0.0,0.0,0.19195266998453173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814567376703542,0.07629067044300873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401763068923496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097883525019165,0.08692407143776046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979519976040728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945996048651564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38841102148704815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313388262625309,0.0,0.10404697102044637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936781588794087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664447332707389,0.0,0.0,0.21842144400898075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871142754017972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276206278496162,0.0,0.20626116254090074,0.12760272389710814,0.2628598812879425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237924479009766,0.0,0.0,0.22080053466366106
ptsd,Spotted6leggeddog,2020/03/31,"Do you struggle with? I have been working on trying not to get annoyed at folks.  However, when I do get annoyed whether I want folks to know or not that I dislike them or whatever, they pick up on it. I feel like this general pissed off energy radiates from me...do you folks have that too? And how do you control it? Why do I get annoyed at little things? Sigh, just wish I was a normal functional person.",1.8910185185185167,4.0704919753086415,3.509367283950617,87.93590277777781,79.8641975308642,7.012962962962964,26.174382716049386,8.07648339933343,1.7491345679012351,314,13,64,6,8,104,55,81,0.08800000000000001,0.701,0.21,0.8233,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,2,2,4,7,4,1,1,0,8,1,1,3,0,17,15,6,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,1,12,1,10,13,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,2,2,47,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140079808575658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415602611613141,0.2000092350744079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388152618553399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386312172481562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677825037944055,0.2806015422579745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743092519341937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444573075395572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926833996074857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599833609207173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007993236947834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651324130913535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526276242032836,0.0,0.32194944743881243,0.0,0.0,0.20382007909782246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,quietplot,2020/03/31,"Is anyone else having trouble organizing their thoughts while transitioning to working remote during isolation? I'm looking for tips here.  I'd love to hear what is working for you.

I work a regular 9-5 fairly high level office job that I somehow maintained before, during, and after trauma. My current boss knew me before the major event and saw I was a high performer. Now my brain processes information completely differently and unfortunately my boss is less than understanding  of it. I'm almost 2 and a half years out from the event and after much therapy and medication I'm in a pretty decent place. I'm still figuring out how to organize myself at work. Everything used to be right on the top of my brain, ready for anything. Now I need to sleep on decisions. I second guess myself, I make ridiculously simple errors. Explaining this to my boss is not an option and HR is aware of the situation so I feel protected in the sense that I don't feel my job is in danger; however I do need to address this organization problem.",5.232812500000001,7.183298739583333,6.733250000000003,69.58675000000004,69.41666666666666,9.703333333333333,30.50833333333333,10.047579312681364,3.4798995833333333,826,34,135,22,15,282,121,192,0.11199999999999999,0.812,0.076,-0.7082,5,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,6,7,6,2,0,10,0,11,5,3,6,0,32,30,10,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,6,9,0,1,9,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,4,5,20,1,25,25,3,24,0,0,2,1,6,14,0,4,10,92,26,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918011314179815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718623038387986,0.14241342489785702,0.11437832862390822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23654340388598846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31032141549885417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573015606004966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521674665175294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610973274495698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491678032738815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055676243657586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311503080455985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665375077457472,0.0,0.0,0.2937047305701237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27585563670804103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671802447888098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544543846323694,0.0,0.09277804097223437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001951800029575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217489421985056,0.20612117308180766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521674665175294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140453026576558,0.0,0.1329962884332579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869815483656475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623249758067406,0.1390920810429105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109989534767164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894912551012627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034388657661452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469526452180384,0.0,0.12004420482307873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40475046036981743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950609964390338
ptsd,Lalalala123333,2020/03/31,"My girlfriend forget her trauma experience due to PTSD My girlfriend has a PTSD about a boy sexually assaulted her.It's been 2 years  and she has no reavtuon to it until she go to the place where she is sexually assaulted and the PTSD start to come back.
Its been 6 months and she been well coping with her PTSD but she suddenly forget the trauma she experienced towards the man.

What should I do ?
Should I just leave her forgetting her trauma?",3.609088235294117,6.040710305882353,4.6572794117647085,80.59650735294119,75.35294117647058,8.014705882352942,24.742647058823533,8.841846274778883,2.014676470588236,356,12,66,8,8,116,51,85,0.23199999999999998,0.75,0.017,-0.9452,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,12,12,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,3,1,14,1,8,7,0,12,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,0,7,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266511534510934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982214521386598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814890256772926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054439290439609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645498618542764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809242544051254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384479341834054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8675228742141341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132276853748254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668184254534523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947858490978262
ptsd,ImpressivelyAnnoying,2020/03/31,"I can't trust anybody It's hard for me to trust people. At this current moment I don't trust anyone, everyone has gone behind my back done something in some way. I think the main reason I don't trust anyone is because my bio dad. He constantly promised things and he'd never keep to those promises, he told me he loved me and I believed him til I found it he didn't love me. He hit my mom, he hit me. He was a drugatic and; a downright terrible person. I feel so lonely, no one's there for me- sometimes it honestly feels like there's no reason to be here. I can't love properly, I feel like no one loves me- happiness kind of got thrown out the window a while back.

I can't sleep properly. I have these horrible flashbacks and nightmares, I usually go to bed around 12 and wake up at 5 A.M. My mother isn't any help either, she understands my situation but I guess she  thinks I'm exactly like her. She never lets me vent, she constantly tries to find ways to fix my problems. One time I went through a huge breakdown and she took all my friends away. When I started realizing I had anxiety it made my anxiety worse so she didn't let me have sugars or caffeine. She tells me my problems are in my head and if I really wanted them to go away I would just *make* them go away. I've wanted these fucking problems to go away for years and she tells me that to my face.

My trust issues make it hard on my girlfriend and i's relationship. I guess she's also the type to make promises and break them, because it happens a lot. While I shouldn't hold promises so near and dear to my heart I can't help it, it's the only way I know someone will do that thing. I don't want any help, I just wanted to vent.",1.6293990755007712,3.5320253502824883,3.2269696969697006,91.03325885978431,79.3954802259887,6.437801746276323,23.156651258346173,7.463857097105799,0.881198870056497,1330,44,291,19,33,439,176,354,0.16,0.737,0.10300000000000001,-0.9232,1,2,2,0,1,0,37.0,0,0,3,0,13,27,1,0,9,0,26,11,5,6,4,54,64,22,0,10,6,3,5,3,2,3,0,0,2,1,16,13,1,2,12,0,0,7,16,6,0,3,12,6,65,21,32,43,5,41,0,1,0,5,39,14,1,6,19,188,81,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609633426570545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241163973280573,0.0,0.12645626520779604,0.0,0.0,0.11558363039766885,0.0,0.0,0.07357731313724279,0.0,0.0,0.3106150299183941,0.12710772571833506,0.0,0.10076711288597467,0.0,0.0,0.09311988028545258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863370878476087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458112875983613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897700190154322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537316872352558,0.11809242400625447,0.0,0.0,0.07554192744197097,0.0,0.0,0.09062304824543724,0.06385630482091448,0.07640993319076178,0.0,0.0,0.18789089370813475,0.0,0.06610391448045043,0.0,0.18209977955660475,0.0,0.07308840378989652,0.08798400483922775,0.1480789286198883,0.0,0.08482423208160819,0.0,0.0,0.0979423655519628,0.16619857304990227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862666397072889,0.0,0.07346440587774286,0.0,0.08606876585665839,0.045423075096740415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169033413743615,0.0,0.12113796994898847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026730668038081,0.2983846402342465,0.0782067999000286,0.16551145292491798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680037866958924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274917862354032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802028355522067,0.06286015172528225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057300108262078424,0.07216805764656066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372588244108067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052948634930339925,0.16995891123247148,0.0,0.08873672527008683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929036921441526,0.08271113934043993,0.0,0.07003030490668087,0.0636291237727093,0.08174439690022611,0.0,0.05850112132687855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448201966248622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981990087643348,0.1059194229793088,0.0,0.0,0.04819472484087458,0.0,0.0,0.07897700190154322,0.09182880148251417,0.056114908794350986,0.0,0.0,0.08604307373956524,0.0,0.0,0.09102889466267307,0.0,0.19499986524827534,0.1968146204003424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766187216915436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422888810256987,0.058713218304844675,0.0,0.0,0.05322482361294379
ptsd,throwaway2463289,2020/03/31,"Potential C-PTSD, advice appreciated (TW: sexual abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts) This is my first post on here and it's a bit nerve wrecking but here goes.

​

A bit of context:

I've known that I have PTSD for about a year now. I realised at the end of a therapy course I was having at the time for different issues, and haven't had therapy dedicated to PTSD in the time since. I honestly thought I was getting better and that the flashbacks were getting less severe and less frequent, but my partner helped me realise that I had been repeatedly manipulated for sex by a previous partner, separate to the original trauma. Realising that you have been repeatedly raped at a time when you were trying to recover from your first rape isn't the nicest if I'm honest. I have also suffered from narcissistic abuse from my mother throughout my childhood, and which is still ongoing. I also still see my ex-partner who manipulated me into sex around uni.

​

Now I'm wondering if i have C-PTSD, as I can relate to a lot of the symptoms listed online. I feel scared, *all the time*. Not even of anything specific, just a deep sense of unease and fear of everything. I'm terrified I will be raped again, I'm terrified I won't get better, I'm terrified that I'm making it all up and that I should just 'get over it'.  I can't sleep at night because my mind gets stuck in a loop of reliving what happened and thinking about it. Sometimes I wake up to what I call a 'PTSD day', where I'm effectively useless all day because I can't stop the horrible feelings and thoughts that stem from the trauma. Being around my partner helps a lot on these days, but there is no way I can engage in sex (although I have once done that and immediately felt awful afterwards, but I don't deny consenting to it all). Being in quarantine and separated from my partner (who I usually live with at uni), and also being exposed again to narcissistic abuse from my mother, has led to a rather difficult time recently. I constantly feel hopeless and empty, I constantly feel like I'm worthless and I deserve what happened to me, and I have been experiencing depersonalisation and suicidal thoughts for several years now. I also used to regularly engage in self harm, and this has returned a little since being at home. 

​

I know that reddit isn't the best place to get a diagnosis, and I fully intend to go back to therapy once quarantine is over, but I'm struggling with how to cope for now. I get flashbacks every night as I try to sleep, resulting in insomnia and tiredness throughout the day. I'm worried that I'm a burden on my partner, who has been amazing and so helpful to me with my mental health. 

​

Does any of this sound familiar to the reddit community, and if so do you have any advice on what I should do in the current unusual circumstances?",7.991179952644039,7.297423134438312,8.510599184425157,68.5866091160221,62.591160220994475,11.735043409629045,38.177387529597475,11.062562989136584,4.2952205209155485,2274,102,404,54,28,761,237,543,0.23800000000000002,0.6729999999999999,0.09,-0.9985,2,2,0,0,3,2,75.0,0,4,0,6,29,26,3,4,29,1,45,12,3,10,4,72,82,40,2,6,12,2,5,1,5,4,3,1,1,7,27,27,0,1,14,0,0,2,9,17,0,2,17,8,51,9,68,56,11,71,0,4,1,6,20,28,0,6,40,288,78,0,0.0,0.2115666107051677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163257248866965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039447796971834,0.0,0.257962274019532,0.2892962798139077,0.08095212730939776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04898039999147125,0.10597194444146624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576768392853444,0.0,0.07256643680614583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246322011152757,0.10528230561209004,0.12996220589819601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060777209334337126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864129346094466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354350734280114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621863811268898,0.0,0.0,0.05208689695853328,0.060910260891253724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271760397383479,0.0,0.0,0.03931280913443113,0.0,0.05014869069928725,0.0,0.053493296673363784,0.0,0.0,0.06697724688148368,0.12038165845711846,0.04252154387727428,0.05714913069958555,0.0,0.0,0.10125642044757564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767947669750493,0.0,0.03382694083969175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526777800775522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326763732227972,0.0,0.0,0.11968625380926225,0.0,0.05970403635812677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212406488098202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03271097696604952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029078769151846907,0.05965529935012486,0.052557799234162365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120460780750694,0.0,0.0,0.03973047702233395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998278705110584,0.0,0.060098860271751625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171214244085202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677503866407114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621863811268898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700430235730908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34788210674137404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876943308908785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959052555670043,0.0,0.047430229157804066,0.0,0.1241859783352912,0.13448272079953896,0.0,0.0984721463128746,0.0,0.11912721311970338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058867416580934875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506649039786448,0.04976190471332551,0.0,0.06222387688213276,0.0,0.13021179862016494,0.0,0.0,0.06186471575545543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20420105380399456,0.0,0.0,0.0381384109062891,0.0,0.18901089974508986,0.1735347651823856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808211898958689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140670649442814,0.0655535555488916,0.0,0.0,0.047244698873028484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454757501409047,0.0,0.06044608031149527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892962798139077,0.07665865754430135
ptsd,throwthisaway4539,2020/03/31,"Dealing with complex ptsd? Basically I was sexually abused as a child for a period of time by my older brother (I am a guy). It's almost crazy to say, but I never thought of it as sexual abuse. Since I became a teenager, I've been very distant with him and pretty much hated him, but weirdly I never really understood why. Until very recently, I've always thought it was playing (im 20 now). Basically I recently had an epiphany as to what was going on.... I did a bit of research and found an article on Wikipedia about complex pstd (as a result of a situation) like mine. I exhibit almost all of the symptoms without fail and I have never realized it. Some of the symptoms are really worrying thinking now, but I've always just accepted it as myself. Sorry this is quite new to me so I really don't know how to describe how I have been feeling for some time now. 

What can I do? I think I need help. Im not really suicidal, though sometimes I think about it (but never came close to trying). but my outlook on life and it's purpose to me is just fucked up. It's really hard to explain. What kind of resources can I use? Is there anyone I can talk to? I don't want to tell my mother, or anything to happen to my brother. It would crush my mother and I don't want to do that to her. I just want help.",1.720714285714287,3.677872530075189,4.263359398496242,83.447430075188,79.33834586466166,7.263518796992482,25.301654135338346,8.238735603445708,1.7772786766917306,1007,39,202,20,25,354,136,266,0.138,0.752,0.11,-0.7056,0,0,0,0,2,0,38.0,0,0,0,2,13,8,2,0,11,0,23,4,0,4,5,52,43,21,1,5,11,4,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,14,9,0,0,14,1,0,2,9,4,0,0,12,3,32,4,38,30,5,22,0,1,0,1,16,5,1,5,16,149,46,2,0.0,0.2474024277677236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909028261498747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737443458090211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300143647874388,0.0,0.08591528098787228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398170941327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194099243536487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763554473140233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278960570927513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447317716597445,0.0,0.09651946153584323,0.0,0.0,0.0593349814968498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033759950970288,0.09232377367355167,0.0,0.09352513382987876,0.10307695699379124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995908741998944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22554764412033695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872030099541584,0.05737749748706258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374336223587546,0.051006333612984366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674867129479687,0.07741395907743534,0.32209002269280124,0.10083366383360028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621601221931043,0.0,0.0,0.12204224120890175,0.0,0.0,0.11104609792505153,0.0,0.0,0.3344181521383816,0.0,0.2061719527903461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302594665560016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636375082096756,0.11735403979556805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325784676037374,0.11687130152918936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420061155416948,0.0,0.0,0.21703066689085027,0.0,0.08391567256833046,0.0912533629928649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069286633114344,0.1025760235704878,0.16576961972745796,0.12175717727421732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088320267787572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017120386723912,0.0,0.17228783603551526,0.1847398748504705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942080253565313,0.0,0.0,0.1006413610912094,0.0,0.0,0.10602694088823053,0.0,0.0741653339975067,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,c00kiemama,2020/03/31,"Anyone else? Just wondering.. does anyone else go through phases where they feel completely fine about their past for a while, and then something triggers you and you get stuck in a rut for weeks, unable to think about anything else? I'm currently in a really dark place because of this. Furthermore, has anyone experienced nightmares that keep playing when you wake up for a bit? Not just in your mind but looks and sounds exactly like it's happening in real life. I'm currently unable to see my doctor and I imagine that by the time I'm out of lockdown my symptoms will probably have passed over.",5.917499999999998,7.54613375675676,5.660889639639643,79.18971283783786,67.28828828828829,9.153603603603603,30.992117117117118,9.516144504307137,2.933638738738739,481,19,84,10,8,149,81,111,0.013999999999999999,0.922,0.063,0.6412,2,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,2,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,3,4,1,1,1,18,16,8,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,9,3,18,14,1,19,0,0,2,0,6,9,0,1,9,51,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562600801339427,0.34803433892404106,0.13976065114089406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353051895010508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541704970969572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806993463584594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383445961657915,0.14862472817904404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256288419528024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587424242307734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873236002432981,0.0,0.09652177766378044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018551503336788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095814193843965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996027022084255,0.08297334672125024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261956174132656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148606066647432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212778851050522,0.0,0.0,0.17744259172859522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311205640195052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331067999539192,0.10880136375924174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353373943865459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074813827371154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652475190350247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882412439812808,0.0,0.0,0.09903280406732284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623228658055755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841800212963923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,uwuegirluwu,2020/03/31,"Dreams- help The other night I had this dream. Where I was walking around a home, that I feel resembled my childhood home, as things were similar.
In the dream I was convincing myself that I was okay and the only one home, even though I felt like someone was watching me. I'm walking upstairs and into the hallway and I get grabbed.
I have never had a dream that jerked me awake, I thought that only happened in movies.
This dream was so terrifying for me and now I'm having issues feeling safe and I'm starting to get paranoid about someone being in my house, even though there is nobody here. My fear of being harmed is really high now.

CW: sexual abuse mention 
Note: childhood home was not a good place, and the room the hands came from was the room I had the first memory of sexual abuse in. 
Despite that this dream has me jumping at every noise and I'm terrified. But I don't feel terrified specifically to being sexually assaulted. Just that it's going to get me. 

Advise to calm down my brain? Thoughts? (Please keep paranoid influencing comments to yourself, don't say to 'listen to my gut' I will flip my paranoid shit) 
(I can't have anyone stay over or hang with- due to the pandemic)",2.6931449275362307,5.244781321739136,3.6414130434782632,86.0244384057971,79.26086956521739,6.442028985507247,24.80072463768116,7.645422480735847,1.4465072463768118,944,35,177,15,24,302,130,230,0.161,0.718,0.121,-0.935,0,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,13,11,3,1,12,1,24,4,4,1,1,25,43,13,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,2,6,0,12,11,0,2,6,6,0,6,5,5,0,2,15,9,25,6,24,24,0,30,0,0,1,0,6,14,1,1,10,121,37,1,0.0,0.2998114769248921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884658597969759,0.0,0.0,0.11262979447596227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123837670770642,0.0,0.14470539397280574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713078679157042,0.0,0.10659871830169418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237039040071645,0.19191723133177707,0.0,0.12147922507413353,0.0,0.0,0.10761801045069387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830473474811686,0.0,0.07190434061780253,0.1061191341113384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188138770543678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480381758388195,0.1336755290008392,0.5076402725149926,0.0,0.0,0.14598731432763634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205420918592592,0.0,0.11245695965922192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061811374896409386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975801715827977,0.0,0.0,0.11873062922358978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857333562829734,0.1924486140541787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218667190530126,0.13888117721648005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105207455541533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061393461050848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987115866445326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144002957546436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955164290070428,0.13485369033454062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840543935194503,0.0,0.2486108919886891,0.200885799578442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Skylive8867,2020/03/31,"I don't want to be me anymore. It feels like there's something poisoning me from the inside out and I just want to carve it out. I get these really fucking intense moments of just... rage.  It takes every ounce of control I have to not lash out at the people just trying to help me. It never really goes away, but some moments are a lot scarier than others. 

I guess I have cptsd according to the professionals? I thought I was fine and that I was content with my life. I had an extremely traumatizing event in January occur, which really set everything onto a fast track into hell. I'm starting to realize that the doctors and my therapist are correct, they say I've just had continuous trauma throughout my entire life. I'm 31 yrs old. I think they are exaggerating, the things I talk about are just normal things. 

Lately the overriding issue is that I'm a piece of shit, but the people around me won't believe me and negate that. I don't say that shit for pity or fucking compliments. It'd just be so much easier for me if everyone else hated me, too. Then I could just disappear. 

I'm so sick of being me, I just want to cease existing. I'm not suicidal or anything so dramatic. I just... fucking hate me.",2.7597211611917523,4.909525575630255,4.544216959511079,81.75118411000767,76.85714285714286,8.024751718869366,25.94423223834989,8.841846274778883,2.1837159663865537,949,36,182,22,22,321,136,238,0.21600000000000005,0.7070000000000001,0.077,-0.99,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,2,1,16,15,10,0,11,0,19,10,2,1,2,41,39,13,1,6,16,0,1,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,15,10,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,12,0,0,5,3,30,3,26,28,4,21,1,1,0,3,6,9,6,6,11,132,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125065012782913,0.0,0.0,0.10890863548224136,0.11781508389610547,0.0,0.0,0.1243424577796368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910746316275467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484361396857157,0.10566669118083452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546068683916487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055724201951447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115063469516654,0.12646129232168746,0.1189431272336936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691759439457867,0.09454727448282507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36705238227061854,0.06914478556361799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579290742722315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26132652088841163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887080450589601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813376652653084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929089302393714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695833534235973,0.06465706834534186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251496254369292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728878227112224,0.0,0.10207260126073722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966997311975198,0.0,0.0,0.138873785355499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350267967954975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25435073396332064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104920674392992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717004239407098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018856252814554,0.0,0.0,0.09367445239929184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476391897452726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950694845347972,0.10637387540269462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366271304849133,0.17584823750066947,0.08480131423974133,0.0,0.10506712473812392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898535486760303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341814803814105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway300x2,2020/03/31,"Is this PTSD, where should I go for guidance if it is not? I lose few sources of joy in life due to over association with past events that give me a lot of grief. 

Let's say that I was triggered badly recently by something. If I do something too soon, my mind will associate that new activity with the past traumatic event. That new activity will re trigger past traumas if I try to enjoy it next time and I lose yet another one of my few sources of happiness. I want to tell my mind to stop thinking that my past trauma is associated with the current cope that I'm trying to use.

I wanted to say that forgiveness/letting go is impossible for me. The things that give me grief are unforgivable to me and I don't think I would ever be able to forget/forgive those past situations. They go against the core of my own morality and I don't want to ever accept these things that I deem morally wrong. I don't want to change my morality but stop my mind's habit of over associating things so I can cope better in life.

Is there anything in PTSD literature that talks about dealing with over associating traumas with things that make you happy?",5.620267857142861,6.1318883482142885,6.4008928571428605,77.66910714285716,67.30357142857143,9.614285714285714,31.625,9.606745405546679,2.739396428571428,906,35,181,18,14,299,119,224,0.102,0.7879999999999999,0.109,0.1565,1,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,3,9,15,0,0,5,0,18,2,0,4,2,34,32,8,2,9,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,20,8,0,2,3,0,0,3,4,9,0,1,1,2,27,6,32,25,4,30,3,4,0,0,9,7,0,4,20,123,47,0,0.09704882441216586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176415423903784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986291339546743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103171465205466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858317986034981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026647880131782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005307656936326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755724356617162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861961511216972,0.16546525021341027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662055640461532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984779964409258,0.13709690951405126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171456207786593,0.0,0.08250744001642027,0.0,0.0,0.06478084389159264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29397494143891906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874607187335448,0.10321252575724664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576279506500061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632204210239452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268897646189645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958240060495994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435424085428706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908694482562034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942585281812146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622743255345328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800416891836727,0.08482495013632158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578997064847356,0.124369936047075,0.0,0.0,0.0565899499607061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177956264743282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381902453686778,0.0,0.0,0.22896764434653186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689407003956012,0.10610765451501428,0.0,0.0
ptsd,292to137,2020/03/31,"Physical symptoms after being triggered? I just went through a box of old pictures and I saw a quite a few pictures of the person who abused me as a kid. I was proud of myself until I started being super nauseous, then I threw up and got diarrhea. I meal plan, so I’ve eaten the same identical meal the last 4 days in a row and haven’t had any issues, so there’s no reason for me to think it was something I’ve eaten. I also haven’t eaten in about 6 hours. 

I’m fairly newly diagnosed, I had been misdiagnosed for the last 2 decades with depression.. so I’ve done a shitload of CBT so from the mental side of things I feel like I’m not in a terrible spot, but I have way more physical problems than anyone my age (29) should have. 

They say that PTSD can cause physical symptoms, but is this what they mean? Can it make me physically sick despite not doing bad mentally?",5.56813559322034,5.183295333333337,6.646333333333335,78.93729661016951,67.4180790960452,9.565875706214689,31.25932203389831,9.120678840339163,2.514609491525424,682,24,137,11,10,230,116,177,0.09699999999999999,0.8540000000000001,0.049,-0.8712,0,0,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,2,4,8,7,0,0,12,0,17,9,0,4,0,19,31,13,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,7,4,5,0,4,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,13,3,17,3,20,15,3,18,0,1,1,0,6,5,0,0,11,92,24,0,0.0,0.20096177045508692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356381729498919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534156622336628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185962324856932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416184318722281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423762639011067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093853195028494,0.0,0.14608604775367692,0.17215199772393838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735713470115434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576061860574771,0.12117041594955195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565372852479626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670330604898471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770302321061462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27651185267084954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286356120087691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321692459156588,0.0,0.0,0.1847565346831126,0.0,0.0,0.3418567904200847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797862950635748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480981296961414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229520046680587,0.19826664665291,0.0,0.0,0.1804025986527419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438876491586658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488179064502906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305751399198372,0.0,0.0,0.12005181982406675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525823691785415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268227560500615,0.10868013462793888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462963222545987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723146433839985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TransPotatoe1D,2020/03/31,Is this normal? So I was abused for I think 2-4 years from like 3-4 to 7 but the problem is I can only remember like a couple of events. I know my step dad hit me more than that cause I told my nana how often he hit me. And so that has lead to me just now realizing I have ptsd because I always kept all of it locked away and thought that the intrusive thoughts memories and flashbacks (that I didn't know we're flashbacks until a couple months ago) weren't normal. I wondered why I wanted to cry randomly or I got scared or mad suddenly. But since I don't remember most of my abuse I usually don't have images and I don't think I have ones where it's like I'm realiving it is this like normal. Also if someone with flashbacks that feel like they're realiving it try to explain what it's like? Also I'm 13 now so it took me a long time to figure this out.,2.7941413721413686,3.47825130810811,4.502702702702703,88.12698544698547,73.75675675675676,7.854469854469856,25.041580041580037,8.139509932561175,1.2481143451143453,672,20,153,10,13,228,106,185,0.134,0.768,0.098,-0.8656,0,0,0,0,4,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,11,9,1,1,5,0,14,0,0,3,1,38,32,16,0,6,6,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,6,0,1,13,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,9,1,22,6,15,21,3,17,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,7,17,95,37,1,0.0,0.3027456595051583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325012578848904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433671553947186,0.10630523522313363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003323579862148,0.0,0.0,0.07788034355559842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312430841762426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827245108709933,0.1403366190518856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459849298842157,0.09127063671386182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218007488083804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404253666725136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744978474447528,0.0,0.0,0.11306217634579485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019755474197371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755283610462722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657240795348793,0.097166031101074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222475483485702,0.14934274952615004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894507568085508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279084603647356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568308054026318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082492898572414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372486646856116,0.0,0.2028518204252476,0.07449695879293708,0.0,0.0,0.12207863984439772,0.14194429914548956,0.08673957703721018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070784379497878,0.0,0.07535522286927032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528209736898402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854855051536388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227223009460932
ptsd,Future_2020,2020/03/31,"Rebirth in totally new Avatar! Hello Everyone! 

Just recently I have found out that I have become totally emotionally numb since my PTSD (From 2010). I'm in my late 20s and missed everything what we world calls ""Enjoy"" due to this because I'm living with PTSD, OCD and  Dissociation from the last 9/10 years (I have found out this from the last 1/2 year) And plus I am an Introvert Guy! So I haven't shared with this to anyone else except my Gf(Actually wife since 3 years but I'm not accepting her as a wife because it's forcefully relationship decided by my parents in mid 2013 for my engagement when I was 24 years by chronologically age but 16/17 years by biological age and she knows everything but she still loves me and she've left no stone unturned to get me out of this and to survive our relationship. I too know everything and trying everything but my sudden mood swings and unable to feel anything emotionally apart us from my side!). Also I haven't received any clinical treatment because I didn't knew it before while living LIFE 24x7 just with my mind & thoughts! My situation is gradually increasing 📈 after my sex life started since 3 years. After living alone in the darkess period of the Life now I'm much more strong & confident inside & out! By spiritually I'm much more connected to my true self!(soul?mind? Idk and I don't want to become judgemental on this whatever it is because in the end this is the feelings which connects me) and also something very special who have gives us this LIFE! (God? Mother nature? also idk). I'm just amazed and in awe by this heavenly LIFE! I am totally changed now, feels like re-birth in totally new Avatar! I have changed a lot from inside & out. I believe everything will going to be good anyway. However I'm looking for Psychedelics so I can feel more deeply connect to the Life and get back those emotions and feelings which is unconsciously locked inside me. FYI I am not into any kind of smoking, drinking and drugs ever in my Life and totally newbie in psychedelics world but very eager to enter. I am open to any kind of discussion, suggestions or accept therapeutic guidance. Also I am posting this to r/psychedelics and please forgive my grammatical errors! Thank you very much for reading my Life Story.",5.178318731748021,7.272575813238772,5.720687665136977,76.20720588235295,69.8274231678487,9.042664441663188,30.408079543874287,9.5536054971066,3.0441954387428733,1831,76,318,43,34,590,217,423,0.043,0.81,0.147,0.9952,2,1,3,0,0,0,55.0,4,1,0,2,17,21,0,0,10,0,22,14,0,0,7,65,50,32,0,1,12,4,5,1,0,1,11,0,0,1,18,28,1,0,15,2,0,4,7,2,0,0,6,6,43,18,53,42,13,56,1,1,1,2,25,23,0,2,29,201,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.06452683353739916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684838301036982,0.0,0.2115152185501136,0.0,0.2865784099873089,0.0,0.13489839949035065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04623497111447098,0.06775116763410817,0.05441386808768565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05084476068794468,0.0,0.16123267758738402,0.14605605009319172,0.05626608524061734,0.0744983517193232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751931491029335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989943503654706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477569185496287,0.07668207224536812,0.0,0.0552375590489254,0.22313954531972047,0.05856564562622171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981233934343616,0.0,0.06318367729171129,0.2971369353115421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671697169838106,0.04723852152750131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450016409250148,0.0,0.0,0.06909342356462675,0.06343152518992523,0.03757941333638433,0.055461113604619285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547249448485186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771454970049202,0.07267930788478143,0.10779868173795353,0.07458999852240297,0.0,0.07184319359284702,0.0,0.373638918609766,0.032304519951988485,0.0,0.1751643405324224,0.0,0.05552694521645199,0.0,0.0,0.05621569219588389,0.059678888674664976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335314311690706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582477160249518,0.0,0.0,0.12772465199558786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342213491563973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258356197163393,0.0,0.0,0.06332787379117508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458927301195938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614122582119639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528881308144739,0.14198342500714384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898105614341007,0.0,0.0,0.1640937103631161,0.0743253955241612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050904971396877774,0.0,0.0,0.046802434659760334,0.0,0.052806178277120766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060877480071533076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249453948750391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044893401916372366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907645346961946,0.0,0.0,0.1636760214601292,0.039001254356090816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554875468628887
ptsd,intermediate-rubbish,2020/03/31,I don't want to go to sleep I've been having the worst nightmares this last couple of weeks. My husband has been waking me but I don't remember. Also experiencing flashbacks to when I was trapped as a child.,1.385714285714286,3.9163118571428575,3.1383809523809525,87.52328571428568,85.19047619047619,5.2647619047619045,22.685714285714287,6.742157984588678,0.73448,166,6,33,2,5,55,34,42,0.205,0.795,0.0,-0.8053,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,2,2,0,0,3,9,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,5,0,5,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230676365336572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470030717489047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295946803663326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32930269102384496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576376381901522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40427797696469897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238281541215626,0.0,0.3240533799739041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tinyjune4,2020/03/31,"I cant remember, and feel like I shouldn't try to. Hi there. I (F25) feel a little awkward writing this post to begin with, as I've never written in any journal, or said out loud, what I have weighing down on my mind. 

I think I was sexually abused as a child. I don't think it was severe....and I feel guilty even suggesting that it happened. I feel like I shouldn't have any trauma from something that ""could've been worse"", but i'm starting to realize that such a justification for ignoring this anxiety is not helping me progress at all.

Growing up, my father was a highly functioning alcoholic. He and my mother got divorced when I was 7, and he quickly remarried (to the woman he had the affair with), and we had a new family with her and her two kids. He didn't drink much when he was with my mom, and I know he carries a lot of guilt and is constantly battling his own demons. We had a hard time blending families. There was some very mild physical abuse, a good amount of verbal abuse, and I was an incredibly sensitive being to begin with. My dad always related with me the most out of all of the kids...I was too empathetic for my own good and could never find that ""thicker skin"" everyone always told me to get. One of the things that my father and step mother disliked the most about me, was that I reminded them of my mother. (My mom is absolutely amazing. We have a great relationship, and she has saved my life on more than one occasion. My dad is also wonderful in so many ways, but I feel I became the victim of his internal struggles too many times to just let go.) I also think, because I remind him of my mother, that is why this suspected abuse may have occurred. In a few of his drunken stupors, he has mentioned still loving my mom and that he messed up his whole life. I know he loves my stepmom, but he's confided in me about this and some of his suicidal thoughts..telling me that I am the only ""happy"" he has and depending on me to be strong enough to pull him through. When he wakes up, he doesn't remember any of it and he continues living his life in denial. My dad has never acknowledged his alcoholism, and I don't believe he ever will. 

I have very vague and short flashbacks to some of his drunk nights. I was always nervous. Always  uncomfortable. Something was always going wrong and there would be a war with him and one of us. I was afraid the second he'd pour his first drink every night he got home. I was too afraid to speak up or advocate for myself ever, so I was rarely in ""trouble"". Instead, my dad would be touchy. I don't know if it was intentionally weird, but either way I have a surplus of memories of my father being too kissy, and close to me when I was about 11 or so. He used to get mad at me when I wouldn't kiss him on the lips, and he still does. In fact, I still feel uncomfortable in the same way when I visit home - I now live across the country. There are two times that I go back to, and as soon as I start to remember it stops. One night camping, and my father was absolutely hammered. He came into the camper and I think he mistook me for my mom or my stepmom. All I remember is thinking he didn't know that I was me...and then getting a sick feeling in my stomach. I remember absolutely nothing after that. I actually dont remember most of that year, and I'm not sure why. There was another time at home...same kind of thing. 

Thats all I know. Hugging too close. Sitting too close. Complimenting me. My dad is a very loving person. What if he just always thought of me as his little girl, and I felt awkward about it because I was almost a pre teen? What if i've made this huge thing in my head, and he would never even be capable?

It's starting to effect my sex life. It's pushed itself to the front of my brain, and I kept it so far back for so long. I think about it often, and I don't know how to release it. I'm not sure what i'm looking for...maybe hoping someone has some insight as to what I should do next? Obviously go back to my therapist...but for the time being I am in quarantine (as we all are) - and not in a position to find and pay for a therapist virtually. 

Either way, thanks for reading my lengthy word vomit. Being isolated with my insides is starting to scare me. It's becoming debilitating - and I'm hurting my partner by pulling away physically more and more frequently.",3.619297945205478,4.76493751369863,4.983056506849317,83.71547517123291,72.26484018264841,8.169063926940641,27.50028538812785,8.614154594646255,1.8953079908675803,3386,121,700,59,64,1131,342,876,0.135,0.775,0.09,-0.9881,0,1,6,0,5,0,127.0,5,0,1,4,49,39,4,8,33,0,77,24,6,7,15,155,133,66,2,12,19,17,10,2,1,9,8,3,2,6,40,52,6,3,36,4,1,12,20,19,0,8,36,14,115,20,103,77,26,102,1,1,1,6,85,38,0,21,48,496,155,2,0.0,0.2403858250689458,0.049496680215890834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841130637008292,0.05079006353516076,0.0,0.0,0.08112362376577277,0.25322514998263024,0.0,0.0,0.10347668675450247,0.05318571417307087,0.0388016619813694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04765433874478937,0.11700466561555685,0.0,0.06183847746278424,0.05601769999196392,0.0,0.057145545341615235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566217545514211,0.0,0.058011664327970384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481171514400659,0.0,0.08099367481534822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044386558654948775,0.0,0.05944499551708945,0.09937514456369252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240867008319043,0.0,0.06700189147091667,0.09176065432470104,0.04273488979320218,0.048466383647343785,0.0,0.0,0.09563107067562863,0.0,0.17952352219400447,0.07247062549762456,0.04870041008386301,0.0,0.09271671369411233,0.043143518886952614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949937034839824,0.0,0.115304353407252,0.08508525380883522,0.08113292737535815,0.05592042140821455,0.0,0.0,0.04485268537629666,0.05399377579163892,0.04543632951226848,0.0,0.05205469536288156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03399742376107367,0.05358984695980228,0.15263282321407526,0.05037770366576854,0.0,0.0,0.054298209525297035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281843733777769,0.16725062722628198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051865974159992514,0.14330384009870842,0.04955973835798695,0.10167215166573852,0.08957568888541677,0.0448867616952762,0.042593124442578865,0.0,0.0,0.04312144246349713,0.13733388296471655,0.0479937282566277,0.0,0.10284689108393136,0.050956371544901576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051214062313432764,0.23761673281329224,0.0,0.0,0.037285997632703856,0.0,0.15647759916927045,0.04898695557288901,0.05394268674519017,0.14279553551256025,0.0,0.048668463227681584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748028459347722,0.03857584051425278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044287889952346816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048576992639462906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507350341569346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445570314140955,0.34474412831871865,0.0,0.04824757920902088,0.0,0.05078087796259823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042975999883851465,0.07809548222043088,0.0,0.0,0.14360321216361085,0.0,0.12151830686489865,0.0424052848473274,0.0,0.05302492416021378,0.0,0.05548087882468358,0.0,0.09560846552829327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669736601445812,0.0,0.11778269644683488,0.10109095027358507,0.195000997741856,0.0,0.04026705312585161,0.1478800136543519,0.0,0.0,0.048466383647343785,0.0,0.03443643886802923,0.0,0.09909469613295233,0.0,0.0610114886754844,0.043806925086921585,0.0,0.1255511738155537,0.0,0.16104085442698038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153618300264878,0.056628529299431275,0.0,0.0,0.0550050951716036,0.0,0.0,0.051689346349935,0.10809288634735753,0.05545578820764796,0.0,0.03266285954996135
ptsd,Alex1724,2020/04/01,"Can anyone give me advice on how to get out of the situation I'm in? First memory: when I was four my mom and bio dad left me at a horny old Mexicans place after HE GAVE THEM MONEY. He gets handsy with me and one other child there on the couch, (No idea what happened to this child:(  and think about him often) watching Mario Lopez on tv. He goes upstairs and thankfully I'm able to flee to my neighbors to tell them to call my aunt's bar. Side note at 15 I couldn't believe my memory and asked my grandpa and aunt, they attested. Also I went to that bar with my whole family every Saturday from ages 2-14, only 6 of us. 

My mom gets sober when my dad goes to prison for his 5th time my mom's 26 I'm 5. Then she meets my stepdad Chris things go good. Flash forward three years and they own a home together unmarried. My mom starts locking herself up in her room. Let's call his twat. Twat looses his job and becomes a drunk never able to hold a job for over a week. His ptsd from his time in the military decides to get him angry whenever he's too drunk . He would get blackout delousional and think I'm the guy who almost killed him from his own crew hence his medically approved leave from the military. He wound kick me mainly, sometimes bite or choke me. But he loved to throw all my stuff out or lock me in small spaces. Like the shed, in my closet, in my oak chest, etc. He became so bad once I hit ten that I was doing all cooking cleaning dishes laundry and mowing peoples lawns every freaking weekend he tuned into a completely dominating drillsargent who denying ment big ass bruses. As you can assume my mom was back on meth. My 11th birthday comes around I get up to get ready for school and I supisingly as she's normally in bed she's on the couch. I try saying mom no response scream no response. Tap her sweaty cheeks no response. Then I shake her crying at this poing and she wakes up saying ""what the fuck do you want"" I say ""do you know what day it is?"" She says""fuck off"" I end up walking all the way a block from the bus stop and worry worry and worry. So I go to my nice neighbors Chris and linda who have the cutest German Shepards and ask to use their phone. Call my grandpa and say"" mom's really sick she needs a doctor, I'm scared "" crying. He calls 911 and talks to my neighbors and call 911. My mom really almost died she had od and was found on the floor face first. Her heart stopped once in the ambulence but thankfully they brought her back. 

I'm now 11 and because my grandparents are old the social worker at the hospital decided to against everyone's wishes put me in foster care. I spent 3 long months at three different homes where I was raped and given barely any food at all three. At the last home I was locked in a dark room without windows for God knows how long on a hard floor with zero clothes a blanket and literal newspaper on the corner of my floor to do my business. My case worker popped in for a suprise visit when the parents were out to eat and it was just their son home. He thank God let her in. I was saved but I was completely feral I didn't speak for 6 months. Because of my state hey let me go home to my grandpatents but I was really bad almost mentally gone I refused any touch for 4months. When my grandma made me bathe I would bite or scratch her... 

2 1/2 years of therapy and the best grandparents in the whole world caring for me I returned to as close to normally as I could be. But for the life of me until I turned 16 I was a complete social idiot the type you only think you can find on tv.

I'm 14 and my mom went through 6 sobrity homes and is given custody with all these failsafes incase. My grandma passes the day after I move back in with mom. We are broken. I attempt suicide 6 times in two years by od but my mom's on section 8 not working and always home. She managed to save me every time. We work through things together and I have the happiest year of my life with her. 

But when I'm 16 my bio dad comes back. A month in he's already beating on my mom. 2 months in they are using, she was 5 whole years sober. 6 months in bad people are constently in the house and it's all terrifying me. He gets locked up again but only for violating parole so he's back fucking up my life in less than a year. I'm 17 just started college fulltime working and paying for all the food and necessitys because we haven't had barely any of those for months. All the money gets spent on drugs and we face eviction. He starts cheating and is barely at the house, if you thought GOOD like me, you are very wrong. My mom spirals I struggle to balance everything and take care of her I'm now paying all the rend power gas electric cable etc working going to school on scholarship and she won't eat most days she won't bathe she starts hearing things talking to voices then things escalate and she starts regularly hitting her self talking about killing herself the mother of demons to kill all demons and I call 7 fucking times in two weeks and they never took my word. I come home from work to find her tying MY tent rope around her neck trying to hang herself from the porch. A long struggle ensues. Idk how or how many times I stopped my mom from killing herself but I did and I barely survived. I called 911 inbetween the chaos. I was blacking out when they got there she had finally got me pinned I was face first on the kitchen floor and she was banging my head into the floor ripping out my hair punching the back of my head and shoulders. She didn't know who she or I was at this point. I had 7 bite marks 13 scraches 17 bruses three deep gashes and was missing a third of my hair. My mom had two bruses a bleeding tongue and busted nails. I end up homeless for three months before I convince my uncle to take me in and split the rent. I lost my job and lost my scholarship because I missed too much time/tardy taking care of her. 

It was really hard to separate from her because despite me crazy moments and loved her so much because when it was just us she was a better mother than anyone could ask for. The type that will figure out if a teacher is cruel and take you away from her. That happened twice and I never said a word. I didn't talk to her for months before I appoched her with a lot of resentment that I barely hid. She had no memory of this none she thought I beat her up and locked her in there(psyche ward). She refused to say sorry until bio dad told her she owed me one. We're working to find a normal for us. I will never live with her again and she's supposedly clean since. But he is still with her and though he has stopped hitting her he will never stop mentally abusing her. She has zero independance. When he got drunk on father's day he got violent with me and my mom so I cut him off. Then there was always an excuse for 4 whole months on why I couldn't see my mom. So I played friends with him and saw her the very next day. Its hard to have to deal with him and know how she's treated while fighting my own daily mental struggle with diagnosed ptsd from so many things. Barely making it check to check and no good support system. My grandpa refuses to talk to me unless I have good news to tell him my uncle is a CEO and a complete ass to my and yah know my mom.  I really want to get a place of my own to heal mentally but with ptsd it's impossible to work two jobs or work well going to school. It took three years to be able to sleep 5 hours a night. But those fine hours include another 6-8 of fighting my brain and memorys, trying to sleep.

Note I'm a girl Alex is short for Alexis",2.6493491889740284,4.348307741267789,3.618633893919797,90.30027146979799,75.72703751617075,6.438682455965768,23.664623345606532,7.1686216300943375,0.7908582704746747,5952,182,1259,65,130,1909,565,1546,0.14,0.785,0.075,-0.9984,13,0,2,0,4,1,116.0,7,8,10,23,48,59,17,5,67,1,74,47,18,10,15,195,179,113,8,15,26,32,7,2,4,7,11,10,26,5,35,91,12,10,19,12,12,24,22,32,1,21,56,21,223,27,195,104,29,212,2,4,4,8,202,93,5,15,96,784,258,27,0.08037353395072269,0.03174316498469154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026180029056107,0.0,0.0,0.0804824843187237,0.0,0.02956473110971771,0.021424895354078308,0.04458481255770907,0.0,0.0,0.05465675921240912,0.028092886081618404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03746602914406102,0.0,0.0,0.04769965692991834,0.07513840461436977,0.0,0.02517119362721766,0.12360457289186777,0.06710854364409753,0.09798992059237888,0.02958875120690432,0.045594638401047716,0.03018448318903646,0.0281156884094314,0.02369461976448578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02990781500419943,0.19149751708150495,0.0,0.10926156597066868,0.0,0.0,0.06923468273948717,0.11236016156914368,0.0,0.0,0.04278115120378101,0.0,0.05885770199631099,0.08639046710275072,0.027620528104387462,0.0,0.027192481703461682,0.027805012965442688,0.027991078781273233,0.0,0.027421905905602204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031069260824873206,0.05482812700422472,0.0,0.0,0.047458063301049784,0.0,0.0597584907595035,0.0,0.0,0.06771816883557859,0.02560011867401474,0.02407818326650768,0.0,0.0252563382491336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02934842593857145,0.0734599539416226,0.06836568691964587,0.06479199752468344,0.0293751438244812,0.02069879765171901,0.0990720493540952,0.13997284731324516,0.02570053916043385,0.07613021925502074,0.08988467597516832,0.08570940981660058,0.0,0.0,0.02652747830674081,0.04738270042330131,0.0,0.07199889944890449,0.0,0.054990955732365086,0.0,0.030195604710995163,0.03174767490502811,0.0,0.0,0.21498988749325354,0.0,0.05276782728396753,0.06182684468126756,0.0,0.030243978910063182,0.0,0.0,0.10634444080847134,0.0,0.11856187598228625,0.0,0.07361865384969217,0.021838385827505327,0.0,0.02836798914388568,0.029108693269082213,0.08218738393814283,0.05677020395718178,0.026177632576205624,0.0,0.02365710099663037,0.07112804833877473,0.0,0.0,0.058491471141405536,0.02277690146004375,0.04836016825520092,0.02535046039164137,0.01788331934094227,0.05432409886736842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026989293243575574,0.10799682422052607,0.0,0.0,0.5647950693920594,0.19246016397367488,0.02847478229452868,0.03938919690074976,0.019865319005036696,0.1033150404233269,0.0,0.028492721724818707,0.025141705653415124,0.07874899835463718,0.0,0.0,0.05622566906507453,0.05706346036609214,0.036308791125611715,0.06112769433967411,0.0,0.0,0.029748432628603508,0.0,0.0,0.037147258979817965,0.0,0.055982157562546465,0.0,0.02532632286848668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395236011425502,0.026932533646504008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581557321798627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025484545380405187,0.10652710025842137,0.02682264292034549,0.08134230729631882,0.021349100187402013,0.0,0.02794904157567659,0.0,0.0,0.022161939280406818,0.030114406559892018,0.053621052503813965,0.05462046412330816,0.0,0.0,0.02649716007440212,0.029990530326563618,0.0948146683510508,0.0,0.02139546934525781,0.11199312211903352,0.0,0.08402386865044134,0.03066948905801813,0.02930520032988622,0.030402311285937057,0.0,0.0,0.0805745265616358,0.10766867015705912,0.04683334085322762,0.0739971515369838,0.030638046898530506,0.0,0.08899434099530873,0.05150011521456258,0.026322196342621302,0.04253840543067434,0.10935505931817817,0.0,0.0,0.02560011867401474,0.059531969030061874,0.05456835369521018,0.029141108365704577,0.10468435191813782,0.0,0.09667946521050004,0.046277951708919296,0.0,0.04421105527117492,0.03160426182039704,0.02126559005667309,0.0429805339189583,0.0,0.02408848649836236,0.049671380800199685,0.024174871029010298,0.1196455738021471,0.03080853249615945,0.025825739530749715,0.0,0.15603437322745456,0.0816232251511395,0.0,0.03806336832616555,0.029291947375459287,0.0,0.12076848166703667
ptsd,pacmackrel,2020/04/01,"am I in denial just to summarise, I don’t feel like doing anything that I used to like doing. my sleep schedule is very messed up. I’ve had a chronic disease all my life and sometimes I get severely sick (weeks of hospitalisation). I went through bullying and never graduated school bc of it. I went through the typical suicidal, self-harm “phase”. I had issues with anger when I was younger. My parents fought a lot when I was younger too (almost got a divorce), i got caned too (culture thing) but I feel like I never got over it. 

Id like to think that I don’t have any trauma and that I’m okay because most of the time I’m alright, I think. I don’t talk much about how I feel either. to say that I have “ptsd” sounds weird to me and I don’t really want to associate with it and idk why. am I in denial? because I get nightmares of past events often and I feel unmotivated on most days. I’ve seen a therapist for 6 years but I stopped because I felt like I was okay enough. but now I don’t know if I am. can someone explain roughly why I feel like this. thank you.",0.4238914027149328,2.6946152126696816,2.408257918552035,92.9360067873303,86.91855203619909,5.209954751131222,22.527149321266972,6.67199483983844,0.533349321266968,826,31,183,10,26,275,120,221,0.132,0.73,0.138,0.5276,1,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,1,0,0,9,15,2,0,6,3,19,4,1,2,3,36,43,13,1,2,6,1,7,6,0,0,3,2,0,0,9,8,0,1,10,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,13,10,32,10,21,30,7,20,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,6,19,114,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217191547051273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296862383057846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040097813444056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22312214384743936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868411816815606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606535935701235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084508359630945,0.2614844671220477,0.11714540148243947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748675204208926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29273930140830245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734311848870408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705159785743671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617681993555247,0.3576373651051514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037255883716286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968883742117993,0.0,0.1881979140024359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547381249151375,0.0,0.11646903771805305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261910396152594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816050694251986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702448922836936,0.0,0.12347712145449255,0.0,0.0,0.12727941888609268,0.13783265053782398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220946411394232,0.0,0.1033757365047574,0.0,0.12066757735752645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200292173850492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133455340793315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806422687320454,0.0,0.11232722025371084,0.0,0.14165898438215274,0.08105571688648835,0.15635371536987824,0.0,0.0,0.07114298849203265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537446847329536,0.0,0.10066816438087192,0.07196261216922753,0.0,0.0978662786308188,0.0,0.0,0.2262025503236309,0.22018383191332608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856820484582756
ptsd,OGprimadonnagirl,2020/04/01,"Can you get PTSD from an office? I think I've been at home for too long but I keep having thoughts about my job and it just comes out of nowhere and upsets me. I don't know whom to talk to or maybe I shouldn't even be thinking about it but it bugs me.

A few things that happened to me were: 

1) I would constantly get stared at in the office by this crazy woman who would then make comments about me and laugh with her crazy friend and when I pointed it out to someone she shouted at me and said I made her look bad by telling her and then ignored me for two weeks. HR didn't give a fuck because there's no""evidence""

2) A man in the office continuously ignored me even when I was speaking to him regarding work sometimes and it bugged the shit out of me.

I know that the office was toxic since the girl before me apparently""fought with everyone"" and left in six months. Now 6 months later I'm out too (partly cause of covid). They bad-mouthed two other co-workers and honestly I never felt comfortable in that office.",3.3444902912621366,4.792613582524272,3.86620145631068,90.27561286407769,73.36893203883496,6.703398058252428,24.52548543689321,7.1686216300943375,0.8099330097087378,802,24,172,8,16,252,126,206,0.098,0.787,0.115,0.6895,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,1,12,10,2,1,9,0,12,2,1,3,1,36,30,16,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,1,3,13,16,0,3,6,0,0,1,4,6,0,3,9,6,27,4,29,17,2,27,0,0,2,1,19,13,2,1,13,119,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275510907984296,0.08861596665054547,0.0,0.12369883345854553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933463618035886,0.0,0.12522304946496018,0.0,0.15709290786415794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203051639437602,0.0,0.0,0.13890689464501524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957762522393075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231220219319854,0.13439186451764265,0.15189924548779105,0.13945177875687598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854986844995833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458175742857098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425690973905134,0.12921119112801954,0.0,0.0,0.1597826748293479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794450958099254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864753275445487,0.12207386242384888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755224245888711,0.09703534531333714,0.0,0.14604331499504847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206527595419016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211800709264397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574211244253317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742127164470713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992929803991266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382797910161756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492198184537521,0.12025124586150668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317120112710353,0.0,0.14377426408507593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684258821234632,0.12705944895436602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657711127086152,0.1862939561442147,0.0,0.11540723456730295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840099772200395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660673477516645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116616188278391,0.0,0.0,0.20653280405625216,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,plumslump,2020/04/01,"How to reconcile feelings of regret? I can’t help but be constantly confronted with all the opportunities I missed. How do you forgive yourself and reconcile with all the things you never and will never get to do? All the years you won’t get back? 

Especially with everything going on right now I feel I am constantly thinking about all the things I missed out on and all the dreams I had that have been dashed. How do you forgive yourself for what you’ve done and haven’t done? How do you stop those thoughts from constantly coming forth? How does a ‘dreamer’ give up and move on? I feel like I’ve broken my own heart and don’t know how to fix it, and it gets in the way of the things in my life that actually are wonderful. But no matter what I do I feel those thoughts constantly bringing me down and overwhelming me with sadness.",5.8778527607361974,6.300229208588959,5.897061349693253,81.81565337423316,66.73006134969326,9.710184049079755,31.0239263803681,9.642632912329526,2.6150839263803687,663,24,134,13,10,209,86,163,0.13,0.733,0.13699999999999998,0.2982,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,5,0,1,9,10,1,1,8,0,18,2,1,6,7,45,36,16,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,14,0,1,13,1,0,4,7,6,0,0,6,4,18,4,20,27,6,24,0,5,0,0,9,9,0,1,11,102,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.13534148631335358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664409061332296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946920096740712,0.0,0.5994987108321151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136860077268308,0.2838561545701537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464567764773607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805034336613881,0.09908020220877352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737948680593788,0.1330441372634792,0.07882075373778084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434838162319595,0.09296101965988833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076220426558286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796088661287447,0.06775695482418885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740557855584724,0.0,0.0,0.2139326390572262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844054823029768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595109517942702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27641852752912105,0.08886698647214415,0.0,0.2202088219145605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008570928521846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040344731932676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931184757148307
ptsd,JessieDaMess,2020/04/01,"Was doing ok until a thing on the news. They showed a new homeless shelter being opened cuz of this virus.  It's at a park near where we stayed back when we were homeless.  It was a few years ago, and this was where I was put out to make money....this park was known to be a place to pick up young girls...I wanted to cut so bad....",0.9384976525821608,2.2369335774647894,2.154577464788733,100.69177230046951,79.4225352112676,4.733333333333333,16.05868544600939,3.1291,-1.2499877934272299,248,3,63,0,6,79,52,71,0.033,0.9329999999999999,0.034,0.0258,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,6,1,9,0,0,3,0,11,11,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,0,4,1,11,3,1,18,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,7,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315486237669365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736671800307384,0.29716385834877473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375677918278779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34373301062982065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718425338255394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577804782628713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793448854332585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23644591557485106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099206123281761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22918964686796664
ptsd,potatochong,2020/04/01,"My therapist told me I might have ptsd I grew up with parents fighting all the time, hen they divorced and we moved to a new home the fighting continued between us siblings. The home environment was toxic as hell and my siblings could verbally abuse me and make me feel like absolute shit. I was depressed etc. I moved away a year ago to university and instantly started feeling better, was much happier and had an energy for life. After a year I moved back home and I once again started feeling  severly depressed, had anxiety etc. I realized I hated it at home, my siblings were not longer that bad but the whole home environment triggered me. Can all the trauma from childhood and young adulthood make me have ptsd and the environment I experienced it in, does it trigger it?",7.034234654234653,7.953473293706295,7.192680652680654,71.79449106449107,64.31468531468529,10.551359751359753,38.26651126651127,10.504223727775694,4.312671173271173,623,32,105,15,9,201,88,143,0.155,0.765,0.08,-0.9057,1,0,0,0,6,0,12.0,2,0,1,1,2,11,5,0,10,0,11,2,1,4,2,24,20,10,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,5,10,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,9,0,0,7,4,20,2,12,11,6,21,1,2,0,0,8,4,2,1,14,76,25,0,0.0,0.13379689068409314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010062390225014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638681960541413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609614522537852,0.08683185569367363,0.09428711642593694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998724119651884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016090572115913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452315649396848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882086074744133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25188100365705784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712938349409776,0.08067317908393716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148941804156776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5663616578756506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797618088454193,0.05516913398295426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075576263946588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979489137056072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36006214274018394,0.08301239139835963,0.0,0.0,0.10906304209663777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026074861060837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538912834784707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640050472131938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757237425420334,0.1159152237737546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598568740417913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311138754246846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584709731731869,0.0,0.0,0.10790405686952788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583409052420253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260760053901493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454391596470429
ptsd,238218837366,2020/04/01,Do I have PTSD? I was in an accident 2 weeks ago where someone I’m close to and have known my whole life lost fingers. I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about it and when I do sleep I have nightmares of accidents like that happening. I don’t know if it’s too soon to tell but I just worry it won’t go away.,0.9384976525821608,2.2369335774647894,2.819366197183101,95.92557511737093,79.4225352112676,6.423474178403758,23.10093896713615,7.1686216300943375,0.5270544600938969,248,8,62,3,6,83,50,71,0.17300000000000001,0.799,0.027999999999999997,-0.7935,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,10,4,3,0,0,10,16,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,1,9,1,6,13,1,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,6,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982289526660412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329891754005796,0.0,0.0,0.1511687734168465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093504877029744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929147388426712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628554695152487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515846623716574,0.12115247926253532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707038814096408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28988008056809045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963262764569875,0.0,0.2101160783822396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073257673790679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167489875181957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889816423460176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891784442885094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768653325834828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518398372778048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,druggy_puppy,2020/04/01,"why am i craving this? [TW: medical malpractice, su*cide, knives, benzos] on january 20, 2019, i was given a drug that caused me to have a manic-depressive/psychotic episode, WHILE withdrawing from heavy benzo use. the doctors didn't help me. they watched me have a seizure in the bed. i ripped my IV out and went home, taking everything i could to numb the episode- nyquil, weed, opiates, melatonin... nothing worked. i was so scared, the intrusive thoughts were so loud, i was so confused and afraid, i thought maybe if i slit my throat, a hospital would put me under while this passes. yeah, that's how fucked up i was. i was screaming and yelling hours before this, traumatizing my poor 17 year old sister. i could hear her crying. i remember wanting to die so bad.
i reached for the knives, my parents had to hold me down. i called 911 as a last attempt at saving myself. 

all they had to do was give me benadryl.

thats all they had to do, and yet my previous hospital (a private corporation i wont name...) laughed at me and let me go.

for some reason... i wanted/want that drug again. i want to feel scared. why?? i would (in reality) rather die than experience it again, yet my body is craving it?? why?",2.1943043478260904,4.7326724304347865,3.0814782608695666,89.3561304347826,81.21739130434783,6.4626086956521736,26.15652173913044,7.699297019823105,1.5641530434782611,929,39,186,16,25,294,144,230,0.203,0.775,0.022000000000000002,-0.9926,1,0,2,0,1,0,61.0,0,0,3,2,10,10,1,4,11,1,23,9,2,4,2,29,36,14,2,8,2,2,1,0,0,3,6,4,2,0,9,6,0,1,5,0,1,4,2,8,0,0,15,6,37,2,21,15,3,23,0,0,1,1,11,9,1,3,10,122,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984149161272087,0.0,0.0,0.11194214967785736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146126034585063,0.0,0.0,0.13433060472418099,0.0,0.0,0.1351414538682155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100691747709816,0.0,0.14450509791551208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27306306463444396,0.0,0.0,0.13465035376907405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051200726757755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182316030881537,0.12868434835426448,0.0,0.0,0.06651728976764854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161888509936455,0.0,0.12619789090959474,0.07476475917096251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482701045872956,0.0,0.0881773887912879,0.0,0.131958663392111,0.0,0.12955347881126045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723347923159422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452213910928762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216294907182718,0.0,0.0,0.13252608683491593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126228917639795,0.0,0.13804303494762699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460743462291069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322473790072476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525867929494634,0.0,0.0,0.1490242184717101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634155605871448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989116925684168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887721516258387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361979343749895,0.0,0.0,0.15518706283130787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195120608992553,0.3561191130460001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577235271108656,0.0,0.0,0.18690334757926835,0.0,0.0,0.08471599747713404
ptsd,AnotherDay-Dollar,2020/04/01,"Convid-19 triggered my PTSD at work. I'm looking for advice on how to approach HR at my company. 

Basically this pandemic triggered my PTSD. I'm a manager at a retail store, I didn't necessarily panic but my anxiety effected me at work over the last few weeks. My boss and co-workers noticed I was reacting badly. Got the point where I just had to convince my doctor to test me (I was sick) so I could get out of work. I've never mentioned to work about PTSD because it has never been an issue until now. They took me off some special projects and are reconsidering my promotion. I want to explain my behavior so they have a better understanding of why I reacted the way I did and hopefully they are understanding. But I don't know what to say.",3.218946259220232,5.32575387671233,5.358493150684932,76.6480979978925,75.30136986301369,8.601896733403583,30.40885142255005,9.265573868473778,3.0368942044257117,590,28,109,15,13,205,94,146,0.043,0.838,0.11900000000000001,0.8734,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,7,7,6,0,1,7,0,12,2,0,7,2,24,24,9,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,2,2,4,2,0,0,8,2,23,4,19,15,2,19,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,2,6,79,26,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837873391025954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833054282919016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823764957288285,0.08632356823388879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252417052887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306331108562385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494287277111853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398488883075813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325770102468714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406497481273142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780306681024194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782463564166049,0.11543028370891018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891594473121515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184352730400397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122285268939834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614771981305895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386633321272495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966002372506398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126132077951456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573328754507834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948400498649075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352469219003268,0.11240267998138777,0.11359024571260025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778015021560513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154654089435433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Caststarmen,2020/04/01,"Do I have PTSD? I know y’all aren’t doctors, but hear me out.

2 years ago my friends got in a huge argument and they texted me nonstop with rude texts. Ever since that day, I’ve always had massive guilt trips about it and cry a lot about it. It is hard to be around those people without them making me cry. Is it possible that I have PTSD?

Edit: With the being around people part, the suspects aren’t even looking my direction and I get very upset",1.0884782608695645,3.352185673913045,2.363217391304349,94.50569565217394,83.56521739130434,4.984347826086957,20.069565217391304,6.2581,0.03824000000000005,350,10,75,3,10,112,67,92,0.258,0.675,0.067,-0.9638,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,0,6,4,1,2,4,0,10,1,0,1,1,15,16,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,3,12,1,10,12,2,10,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,4,51,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605322040319334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150687812412455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224307356362844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978546885654561,0.11679304906040475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536119256963865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961333762394903,0.16381325788540133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991565103782358,0.0,0.09461608538322083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484039213699648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162227987987564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411029484453136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952657207654206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207647612815545,0.0,0.0,0.15396280740691776,0.0,0.0,0.12088413590039797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961111854363618,0.0,0.2511007166641017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416047149135247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42338709243285705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980590732144858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942458700788147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745717418363193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662099565678732
ptsd,LilyPiccadilly,2020/04/01,"Chronic Illness-Induced PTSD 
Does anyone here have this? I’ve had chronic migraines and other medical issues since I was 10 years old(25 now) and it feels like it caused a lot of trauma for me. I am constantly on high alert of migraine triggers, I’m scared/anxious of everything, I’m constantly overwhelmed/on the edge of a break down, and I’m constantly depressed. I also have ADHD, OCD/intrusive thoughts, mood swings, and get irritable. I’m home from spring break in quarantine and being in my old room is bringing back tons of memories of me laying in bed in pain. I have vivid memories of certain events where I got massive migraines that still give me anxiety. Honestly, it feels like I’m mentally/emotionally still a teenager because of all the time I missed being in bed crying. Being in the hospital a lot made scared about death/mortality a ton too and it’s constantly on the back of my mind which makes enjoying life difficult.

Does anyone have ptsd from their chronic pain and how do you cope with it? Luckily I’ve been on cambia for the past couple weeks and it’s been helping me a lot and I’m grateful for that. Now I need to focus on the mental issues my migraines gave me.",4.236315789473686,6.284546140350879,5.030350877192984,80.37078947368421,72.24561403508774,8.308771929824562,29.98245614035088,8.99025400887824,2.7085929824561394,952,41,171,20,19,308,128,228,0.12300000000000001,0.773,0.10400000000000001,-0.6553,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,0,12,13,0,1,12,0,14,11,0,5,2,25,32,11,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,11,0,4,0,11,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,8,3,17,5,28,21,6,34,0,2,1,0,5,14,0,3,19,108,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295049894538127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884672693584422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846282974728091,0.0,0.0,0.1547040131259246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012854848286826,0.0,0.06743635193382781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364298626997853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781879844661394,0.0,0.0,0.12240514579782615,0.12151705038165793,0.0,0.0,0.09528168549504992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193618453325474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443893412263995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994231752125964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187127608013624,0.15806193187287454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779732120732065,0.10612217623413008,0.0,0.0,0.08847741516920593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741500220465492,0.116882042635546,0.11096651799157096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309288143258562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813814788843587,0.10809218126914588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821498415719665,0.0,0.10467663765746016,0.07384346121704731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144367501981207,0.11148460681226782,0.0,0.11170034165890147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202749643654288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321659605722058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23542692142640165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560467304830932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586308625775698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107555456828788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151065708481897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669152808785268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782438628335558,0.06450668938785435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873720054493403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712392730918058
ptsd,surprisedmouse,2020/04/01,"Would you consider these to be flashbacks? TW: sexual assault

It's been around 2 years since I was sexually assaulted and I have never remembered the traumatic event itself due to repression. I haven't been officially diagnosed with PTSD but have been given sertraline (zoloft) and beta blockers to handle the symptoms of it.

An issue I have is that several professionals have sounded skeptical when I describe my flashbacks. As I have no memory of the event, what I'd consider to be flashbacks revolve more around events that occurred either side of the rape, such as waking up in an unfamiliar place the next day, interrogation in a police headquarters, invasive medical exams, sometimes simply just an unexplainable surfacing of intense emotions like fear and disgust.

It still feels like I'm really reliving those events but I'm not sure if they count because of the uncertainty doctors and other health professionals have addressed them with when I try to explain them. To me those moments are still traumatic if not actually the event itself.

Are these flashbacks? Or am I just overexaggerating these feelings? 

Thanks in advance for any opinions.",8.254897959183673,10.405101224489801,8.051632653061226,62.271938775510215,62.265306122448976,11.518367346938774,39.0,11.35114627814755,5.3857489795918365,944,49,131,29,14,302,126,196,0.159,0.76,0.08199999999999999,-0.9561,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,3,1,9,11,5,2,11,0,18,8,1,0,2,28,25,13,0,3,10,0,2,2,0,1,6,1,1,0,14,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,5,3,14,4,22,17,2,25,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,4,17,101,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.17451826647012675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216147016574418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184041441690878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090168455832354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533450977491615,0.0,0.0,0.1815149085316308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18304635805214947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011665767315212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124036682067173,0.18084984255368586,0.1277605677460239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900944445378904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665845771717235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747406005256117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015858750462374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792944915354732,0.0,0.19019425420958488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684569360352574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20904986702383066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145670049031918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258647444474495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203392439099385,0.0,0.1479350956354416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687350642368185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28563753051648755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855093706375265,0.1858792152790956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646482820669626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141799386221305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704005642946095,0.0,0.0,0.11516460501499284
ptsd,xmrahcx,2020/04/01,"Am I finally living my inner childhood self as an adult? TW!!!! Since a child I acted more mature and tried to be more mature and never really had a childhood after that, or so I feel like. I was raped at a very young age, roughly 5-7. I basically repressed any emotion I could and became severely depressed and had anxiety by age 11. I finally processed my trauma at age 18 and still am trying to accept it. Slowly I’ve come to accept that I do not need to let this define me. Anyways, I remember really loving dolls and adoring plushies and watching cartoons as a child and I’ve had a realization now at the age of 20 that I still am that way. I find that buying plushies or any that I currently have now bring me lots of comfort and I act like a child when I see them and want one. My boyfriend has told me as well I have some child like personalities that others would see odd, but because he has been with me for so long he doesn’t mind it or think much of it. When I’m out in public I get excited like a little kid and run to stuff and pick it up off the shelf and run back to him and show him the item or I see something I’m excited about and tug at him like a child. I’ve been reflecting and wondering if my innocence being ruined at a young age is finally coming out now as an adult? If that makes sense? I personally don’t find anything wrong with who I am and the things I take interest in even if they’re child like, but I’m curious in another aspect if in a way I’m living out my inner child self as an adult because I never got the chance to as a child since I didn’t feel safe with the people around me and had to have me guard up literally 24/7 or if this healthy and normal? I’m interested if anyone relates or has an knowledge upon this? Please be kind and considerate about this post, I’m genuinely curious about this and would like feedback. Thank you! :)",4.522199312714776,4.676118556701038,5.8299484536082495,82.05933848797251,69.61855670103093,9.147079037800687,28.28006872852233,9.075114841892004,2.057912027491409,1472,47,313,26,24,497,184,388,0.057999999999999996,0.727,0.21600000000000005,0.9964,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,0,17,26,1,1,21,0,29,2,0,2,2,73,54,45,0,12,15,0,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,16,21,30,0,3,12,1,1,7,6,6,1,1,10,7,38,20,43,37,6,55,0,2,4,2,27,20,0,15,32,210,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375898050050106,0.10607914118114103,0.07739008572848391,0.0,0.0,0.07073613197880155,0.0,0.08324924752300605,0.09005729470194222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778877364383939,0.0,0.12333711567462335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428743736322838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077112058285517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713229533165971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137957405181934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681778382836448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230298735689852,0.07227149088035123,0.0,0.33246023312133444,0.1849238938449568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285394810817756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090999050500249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534660591543328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344691391210073,0.0,0.3459649075641653,0.10139277716234088,0.17865910602898752,0.0895268439104333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600590692708658,0.0913043448256431,0.0,0.06752767058691457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214667286271224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436708650914241,0.0750117297746253,0.15604763038386998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991191161357264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855125829258404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013429162037714,0.1766647831627144,0.0,0.11104755329910984,0.0,0.0,0.09688702578268504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296163346191433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145989470665259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418435264668196,0.0,0.2110719645229827,0.11428638101523847,0.0,0.16736760181520774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778808916348528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157919885614175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580843101299262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606264228159859,0.0,0.0,0.09313810220006877,0.0,0.0,0.06720878186268647,0.0648217248169599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666641566071267,0.0,0.13736725800354094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347078972684914,0.05966907319225681,0.1605983467393278,0.0,0.0,0.0909584708625488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097079045963996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372782528538547,0.1106068138419224,0.0,0.0
ptsd,absconding_porpoise,2020/04/01,"Do I Have PTSD? I’m 13F, and my traumatic experience happened last December. I was in a friend group that was very toxic, I was constantly put down, and at the end of November, they basically dumped me. It just so happened that the only person who I was out to at the time (I am gay) was their leader, Norah. After she decided that she didn’t like me anymore, she told everyone my secret. I started getting bullied extremely, to the point of self harm and being suicidal. So one day in December, I can’t remember the exact date, and everything is a little blurry, I am in the bathroom crying. Again, IDK exactly why, but I was crying most days. I had skipped lunch because that was when I would get bullied the most, and suddenly I hear someone coming in. At our school, there’s this one stall door that doesn’t lock, and that’s where I was. This girl, Giselle, is talking with someone in the doorway and giggling. Then she comes in, and says something to me (I can’t remember). I reply, and so she just barges into my stall. I am standing, panicked (even writing this I’m shaking), and she says, You stupid bitch! Don’t you know that God hates faggots? Then she pushes me against the stall door and squeezes my boob so hard that it bruised. She leaves my stall and bends down to tighten her velcro shoe (the one weirdly specific thing I remember very clearly), then walks out the door. That’s the story. Anyway, now I freak out when i hear velcro, have flashbacks when I’m at school, and I can’t even look at myself naked because it reminds me how worthless I am. I didn’t even say anything! Do I have PTSD?",3.90666666666667,5.400974926751593,4.619506369426752,85.2458625265393,72.02547770700636,7.526326963906581,29.32537154989384,8.07648339933343,1.9665142250530785,1253,51,246,18,24,402,161,314,0.217,0.753,0.028999999999999998,-0.9961,0,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,1,2,2,0,19,12,4,1,14,0,29,4,2,1,3,37,45,25,1,1,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,5,3,3,17,20,1,0,6,0,0,6,7,9,0,3,12,8,48,3,26,31,2,46,0,1,1,2,29,21,2,2,19,174,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084092751993213,0.0,0.0,0.08995541145188955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327256783593106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832720541494347,0.0,0.11812868499438067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24015073288814695,0.14099588183429435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681900835946257,0.0,0.0,0.21660092128482816,0.0,0.0,0.1044534029203775,0.09824361403762176,0.1069292399171228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445507142421789,0.0,0.11422322220063355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19333052169771286,0.0,0.09792311446839552,0.10792410815596458,0.0,0.0,0.2464077378284586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007565051503533,0.08910481013849697,0.0,0.11574684624782218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340488530155692,0.10956049765335796,0.0,0.0,0.09179551792868904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222202660828862,0.0831375792662075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544802944956984,0.0,0.0,0.10333626342751408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555624539948186,0.10988991201436987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714914816187545,0.0,0.0,0.2607906221120808,0.0,0.22126149509142334,0.0,0.0,0.1140374596741937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852413608755005,0.08415460631421492,0.0,0.0,0.07737241285593713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957084795966448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786177227554866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262280207358618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374137902469848,0.0,0.0,0.1044534029203775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803896000866036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863811868593056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765292807637192,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,imamesslmao,2020/04/02,"cardio causes me to dissociate more im not really sure why and it gets especially frustrating when high-intensity cardio exercises just separate me from reality even more and the effects can last most of the day. it doesn't help much that part of my job is being able to perform these types of activities on a pretty regular basis. two years ago, running was new and fun and exciting to me, now when i run, if i run for just long enough, or just with enough of an incline or decline, the emotions i feel or overwhelming and often negative. ive heard of people being able to use running as an escape. for me, it's been lifting. but i want to be able to run again without feeling this way when my job relies on me being able to do so at a reasonably high level.",5.705312729948492,5.838301503311262,7.207637969094923,73.27045621780724,67.0794701986755,10.419720382634287,32.009565857247985,10.25414643259724,3.2311053715967626,601,23,114,14,9,208,100,151,0.062,0.8759999999999999,0.062,-0.018000000000000002,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,11,5,1,1,7,0,11,3,0,4,1,26,17,15,0,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,1,0,5,4,2,0,1,3,3,12,3,21,10,7,22,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,6,11,87,18,3,0.575279335909209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274876052286509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477425864912556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927518949973518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177795560402836,0.0,0.29720866792702205,0.0,0.09499164394484948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543925872284968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513992730839797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963994031229964,0.30390710170766866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553501003029056,0.0,0.285437986916075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723236006903907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272760273236701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572412609550612,0.0,0.0,0.13890209185338898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574286505690935,0.0,0.09970656427397076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631647531854405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213466836318078,0.14787074248819082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554849148578518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140491079956607,0.0,0.0,0.12421415989373465,0.0,0.0,0.08482866432322324,0.11415748994893835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129775030420335,0.0,0.0,0.13863718773137554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261525776290466
ptsd,beforecheeseburgers,2020/04/02,"Today I was diagnosed Today, I was formally diagnosed with PTSD. I found out over a zoom call with my psychologist. I haven't told anyone, not sure if I even want to tell anyone, so I'll tell reddit. Thanks for reading.",2.785,4.966294883720934,4.518779069767444,81.8121220930233,76.90697674418605,8.020930232558143,22.377906976744185,8.841846274778883,1.7210046511627906,172,5,33,4,4,58,32,43,0.051,0.8390000000000001,0.11,0.3045,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,6,2,6,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068430508554478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404937301085184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454074390503569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492291328171178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405795051235147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564868270549697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947645936717086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679800307978996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835604017148799,0.20200976948046984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159634759184837,0.20966242475262115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294178798574681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nothingisreal64,2020/04/02,"Got a better sense of closure from feeling the memories in my body instead of thinking about them in my head (TW: CSA) TW = Trigger Warning
CSA = Childhood Sexual Abuse

I've been struggling with repressed memories that have been coming back up. At first, I didn't believe it and/or wasn't letting myself believe it. I thought if it happened, it would have been more earth shattering in my life and I wouldn't have been able to forget. I thought I was having panic attacks and anxiety about it because I was terrified of my current problems and making up a memory as an excuse to explain my current issues. But after more therapy sessions, nightmares, dissociative moments, and reliving it a few times in session, it became a lot more palpable. But I was still resisting it. 

My therapist asked me to get in touch with my body yesterday and really try to access what I was feeling ... I wasn't thinking of this memory but it came up nonetheless.

At first, I couldn't access any feelings in my body at all. My body felt completely normal and I didn't think I had anything to dig out and I was ready to give up. But then she asked about my breathing. (I have a tendency to start taking very shallow, irregular breaths when I'm stressed, barely breathing really.) And the moment I started to take deeper breaths and continue to feel what was going on, it started coming up.

...

Serious warning, not a joke.

...

I could feel a deafening pressure in my ears like I was blacking out. My jaw opening, a weight like a hand on the back of my head/neck and tension where I couldn't push back against the hand... a tightening in my throat and a pressure against my mouth that pushed me back into the hand ... paralyzing fear of what went in my mouth and down my throat. Tears in my eyes. I felt emotionally, physically, and mentally trapped between these two forces that were violating me and holding me in place. 

I was an 11 year old boy when it happened. My babysitter had me go down on her boyfriend. It seemed too far fetched to believe the first time I was remembering it. Just mentally it seemed like a distant idea and a ridiculous one. I kept thinking to myself how could that ever happen? What kind of babysitter would do that? And what kind of guy was she dating that would be okay with that?

But today, after feeling all of that in therapy and trying to recover, I had the urge to spit, like I had a gross salty taste in my mouth. And that confirmed it for me, above and beyond a lot of the other stuff. Legitimately feeling that taste in my mouth. My therapist encouraged me to spit in a cup or something but I felt that the act of spitting would bring it too close to reality. I was scared.

...

The biggest takeaway is that now I'm not really fighting the memory anymore, or at least not the way I used to (gaslighting myself and questioning the reality). Now I just need to work on slowing down and easing the hate, anger, and shame associated with it all. Feeling it in my body, although I cried pretty heavily and definitely broke down, definitely made it easier to accept than thinking about it in my mind and constantly trying to pull specific facts out of it. 


TLDR: Remembering my traumatic sexual abuse history through my body gave me a better sense of closure than when I tried to remember it in my head and extract all of the details out of my mind.

Just really needed to share this with y'all. I love this community and it definitely makes me feel less alone. Thanks for reading",5.535469696969695,6.6901694863636365,6.131515151515149,77.22560606060608,67.77272727272728,9.321212121212124,33.303030303030305,9.558583805096642,3.1882666666666672,2751,123,500,57,45,895,286,660,0.142,0.741,0.11599999999999999,-0.9582,2,2,1,0,4,0,88.0,0,1,1,6,26,35,6,10,34,1,42,32,27,6,6,117,97,42,0,14,15,0,17,4,0,5,1,1,0,2,46,41,3,3,28,2,0,11,10,20,0,5,35,22,76,15,98,51,12,94,0,1,2,1,18,47,0,8,39,372,122,4,0.06028616879361405,0.14285850390631827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243828951296077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04099666208047318,0.0,0.04611875411661444,0.0,0.059787680066471074,0.0,0.0,0.04961038020266196,0.0,0.11271885957489455,0.06858422019664179,0.0,0.18542537023668376,0.0,0.03674988894059867,0.0,0.0,0.2037656033188903,0.0,0.10663643438881906,0.0,0.40178605791481203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895131668127627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386239262700754,0.06320890098774458,0.06514793141206418,0.0,0.09626720050299878,0.0,0.06622152559938421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781382559633238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453229112212359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783870044541365,0.27434248504871833,0.0,0.1736525285268233,0.0,0.0,0.15383815313593352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03149703497480661,0.05783198644205709,0.06852403804143181,0.0,0.04821635643058123,0.0,0.0,0.059692785283633726,0.15993257989818896,0.0,0.0,0.05952011059961805,0.18561300522709812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805574651030427,0.0,0.0629230973821572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555753542589915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616466921043714,0.042581903892752536,0.11781110760220485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250628970906647,0.05441062106541361,0.05704423057109749,0.08048297159902007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150855737147215,0.0,0.12174368965330686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940286055438748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059067645452125915,0.0,0.0,0.06326019292375203,0.0,0.040851468192864414,0.0,0.0,0.07073282969860567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298621513237618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133270693201137,0.0,0.05768572171055185,0.0,0.0,0.06753430618672822,0.0,0.06030248308706914,0.0,0.15448345377906572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048774314707388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060356971969586226,0.0,0.0,0.1097645277591088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641123805304815,0.0,0.0,0.12801258168998378,0.0,0.04814461227339911,0.0,0.06905760266738221,0.06302419315366456,0.06901323992917281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065539245303963,0.0,0.0,0.05550340452294037,0.13788497601441094,0.13999377705087948,0.0,0.1931447135707148,0.0,0.09572096798345757,0.07030669966416678,0.0,0.057144238939651974,0.0,0.0,0.1637214052912498,0.0,0.058890826988423774,0.0,0.0,0.05206789357782512,0.0,0.04974240293308428,0.0,0.047852354698192316,0.0,0.07341231240218912,0.0,0.05588588245296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388904888655601,0.0,0.0,0.1713022584652011,0.0,0.0,0.03882231614340289
ptsd,lacespirit,2020/04/02,"what do your Flashbacks look like? TL;DR: I have PTSD but i don’t know what that looks like from an outside perspective, do any of you?

I have diagnosed PTSD, and whenever someone asks me what flashbacks look like i can‘t answer. I get the scenario in my head and it‘s like a very realistic dream, one you wake up from and first have to convince yourself it wasn‘t reality. so it feels like i‘m there when the trauma happened. but i have no idea what i look like while it happens. i dissociate a lot so usually before and after i‘m dizzy and not really present in my body. i don‘t know if i might scream or cry or if i just stare into the distance. does anything of what i‘m saying make any sense at all? do you have an answer to the question „what does a traumatic flashback look like?",1.7795310245310247,4.374889045454549,2.8414718614718635,89.9290331890332,83.87012987012986,5.7598845598845605,22.841269841269842,7.1686216300943375,0.9274369408369414,619,22,123,9,18,197,92,154,0.125,0.716,0.159,0.6159,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,0,1,5,10,0,0,9,0,13,4,3,1,1,25,29,15,0,2,8,0,1,7,0,1,1,2,0,0,10,6,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,9,18,8,12,27,2,11,0,0,6,0,7,5,0,7,13,85,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337617854280293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049019322440138,0.0,0.11917290415276464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847273441460993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415971605531976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002646146116582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293855132679793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311031092014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644557240298648,0.09106891972097797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084310679262778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660097776547995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22545331026227344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082721007444906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390495053808613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401150129409121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359485325326587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5352389059556251,0.0,0.0,0.10837558403824488,0.0,0.0,0.08509125710171712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523195030975393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638107450356536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980253750205621,0.0,0.14280235674078773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166442554437045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101374076071407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801004838793654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403968657614358,0.10518109639201784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EgyptCentralFan,2020/04/02,"Weighted blankets have been helpful for me So I just recently started using a weighted blanket and have found, surprisingly, that it seems to help ease my symptoms temporarily. Apparently weighted blankets work by providing pressure therapy which helps to reduce anxiety. There's actually some real science behind it on the internet if you're interested.

I should note that so far, I only notice this while I'm actually using it, and it doesn't help me during the day. But if I'm ever caught up thinking about my traumas, just getting in bed and using it for a few minutes helps me relax.

I initially bought a weighted blanket to help me sleep better, but this has been a very pleasant side effect. I hope some of you might find this useful. :)",7.78014705882353,8.31281848529412,8.219411764705884,66.4123529411765,62.67647058823529,10.329411764705883,39.058823529411775,10.125756701596842,4.3237235294117635,598,30,92,12,8,198,90,136,0.034,0.7120000000000001,0.254,0.9825,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,3,7,8,0,1,6,0,8,6,1,5,1,25,22,10,0,4,6,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,3,4,0,5,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,5,4,12,6,12,15,3,11,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,7,5,66,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.2281904407391044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894420424796067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340457669738448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540251559418196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575913405471048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686104436428648,0.0,0.0,0.1281946848181966,0.0,0.0,0.061084892559650036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702065115193024,0.0,0.0,0.11612607504962565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403164987143522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311205558773384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892149948677434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330784182333664,0.0,0.0,0.1154425392945524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643786614182804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700255778182225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275524775660882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215226947777305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337060607794866,0.0,0.0,0.07491641093435293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039188688780085,0.0,0.09646969440954277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5694990933883255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511778451288851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,piupiuboom,2020/04/02,"do ptsd sufferers always have flashbacks? not sure what exactly qualifies as a 'flashback', but i've endured 15 years of undetected child abuse and now am finally realising that the trauma is hitting me hard as an anxiety disorder. i haven't told my shrink that i was abused so she just thinks it's an anxiety disorder. i'm just not sure if there's a possibility of it being ptsd.",7.438287671232878,7.225021835616437,8.66174657534247,65.46741438356166,63.52054794520548,13.32739726027397,38.79794520547946,12.602617957971056,5.293523287671231,306,15,55,11,4,106,56,73,0.38299999999999995,0.617,0.0,-0.9847,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,3,11,11,6,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,5,2,4,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,36,10,1,0.0,0.4483608315880449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743612557389886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28948704322270713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336972792106215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726800030752995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949310949251026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330347234029046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423478075863138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566524032673529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123677908623315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079625177529254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184368080492168
ptsd,misterln,2020/04/02,"i am scared by therapy anyone else feel that way? i always was scared to go to therapy, always, they always seems like they dont care, and it's always old doctors trying their best to make you come back and pay a fortune without caring

is there a way to feel better without therapy? i dont have much friends to vent to, and i just hope there's a miracle solution to not panic all day  
i tried the breathing exercises most of the time, but it just makes me feel worse everytime",5.0665625,5.4406558645833325,6.0145833333333325,80.43875,68.47916666666666,9.316666666666668,29.541666666666664,9.2995712137729,2.4128041666666658,377,13,75,7,6,125,64,96,0.151,0.706,0.14300000000000002,-0.2177,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,3,2,5,10,0,3,5,0,6,3,1,2,1,19,17,4,0,1,6,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,1,1,2,5,3,0,0,1,3,10,7,11,16,4,8,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,49,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194583629207324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812103465483201,0.12912959275369695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690701238908472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225760024609926,0.11146067288693713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569859272868458,0.0,0.0,0.10856113331436873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812770130096947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289940127531322,0.0,0.0,0.29540549789551696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052794181085838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911691700262552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973681762840149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162406951060707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517328418286178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615704444834379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824805183672972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264437316723716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224417546688275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478655740618116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523500995773528,0.0,0.0,0.11473028138335754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43236870106311975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348737884890763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112817119540735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006879203921105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429711330683264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284323176541135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,anabananans,2020/04/02,"Fear of emotional intimacy after sexual abuse I struggle to connect and allow myself to open up to new potential partners even after 3 years, advices? :|",13.875555555555556,10.324903222222224,14.169629629629636,41.56333333333336,53.814814814814824,16.725925925925928,52.925925925925924,14.554592549557764,8.051992592592592,125,7,15,4,1,44,24,27,0.33,0.565,0.10400000000000001,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,11,2,0,0.0,0.42514177918924856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35063372343328764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403623021091698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369965312290814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037710744074797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34654957617986715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375115472676188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310676383434227
ptsd,iaobd,2020/04/02,"**trigger warning** I have suicidal thoughts when I start to disconnect I've noticed when I start to depersonalize I feel like harming myself. I feel like letting go and I don't have any emotion. Everything around me feels strange and I think about suicide. 

I can't afford to see a therapist or doctor. I'm not sure what's going on, has anyone experienced this? If so, what has helped/helps you. 

I can feel it start to happen as I'm typing this. I know it's coming when I feel pressure throughout my head.",1.407995337995338,4.0709713535353576,2.994141414141417,87.1599300699301,87.98989898989899,5.470396270396272,24.78710178710179,7.010146845296331,1.287888267288268,400,17,76,6,13,131,66,99,0.196,0.7509999999999999,0.053,-0.9269,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,8,2,1,1,1,17,26,9,2,1,3,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,8,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,7,15,3,8,24,0,11,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,8,47,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590835626238102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917901599937805,0.0,0.0,0.15173207052599316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682316310586252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445754659993132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172753726402755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318485862065032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309102373114574,0.2435316980721968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937354948130342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072383545448426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492560975300234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424560339810652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367204291940216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429142735584194,0.0,0.16654150775516566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405261395949855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358224936527619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619252683417132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728780464618966,0.0,0.1606422726470434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978996308660258,0.0,0.1092141903006927,0.0,0.13531418773836076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kristiyanarr,2020/04/02,"Can I get through this and enjoy life again Hello, I am struggling with PTSD and I read few days ago that facing my fear will help me get through this. So, I've been dating a guy for 9 months. The first month was like a fairytale, he behaved good and I thought that he is a nice guy. But a month later he was in a car accident and it was his fault. He and his friend were almost dead. After a month in coma, he survived and there was nothing much changed in his behaviour towards me. He couldn't walk, use his hands either. I was next to him, but all of a sudden, he started abusing me, verbally. As a result of his abuse and the anxiety caused by that car accident I lost 11 kg (which is much because I am now 43kg, I was 40 when I was with him and with anorexia). In may, he raped me. He hit me, he used to lock me in his apartment after work and beat me. In june, he told me that I should leave my house. My parents were hitting me too... I didn't know what to do, so I left my house and this was my biggest mistake. I was with him 6 days. I lost kilos, he argued with me. On the sixth day, I told him that I wanted to go home. He started screaming at me, he broke my phone and threw me out the staircase in his house, almost breaking my leg. I started hitting him, and then he kicked me really hard in my arm, while he was aiming at my head....
  I know that nobody will read this, but if you do, please help me to get trough this and enjoy life again...",2.1329573687182366,3.046495392857146,3.4248164878599674,94.35970920383969,75.5909090909091,6.135742518351215,23.131564088085828,6.0469075449839425,0.22266245059288536,1103,30,262,6,23,360,152,308,0.16899999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.075,-0.986,1,0,0,0,2,0,50.0,0,1,0,6,8,16,2,2,12,0,26,9,5,4,1,39,47,23,1,5,5,1,2,1,1,4,3,1,1,2,14,19,0,0,3,2,0,5,2,10,0,1,20,3,54,6,32,19,5,47,0,3,0,1,40,16,0,4,26,171,68,3,0.0,0.2486825323919371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302636450947042,0.0,0.21017215331475625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028173507963995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397277863741035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780621127722588,0.1110166465385561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304024640260504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180909736532483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926515970756192,0.0,0.0,0.08107933503133925,0.0,0.1644864437088487,0.0,0.05964199135474438,0.08802189721595738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782176214860465,0.0,0.0,0.09400904968056806,0.0,0.10770263564433878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406832608916226,0.0,0.10526720808688972,0.0,0.0,0.3632732348654141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534875794178645,0.0,0.0,0.1111203527211391,0.1140217675248592,0.0,0.14824984729035015,0.05127024954991065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22911715283887885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350606237043304,0.0,0.15429156542655756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160894316435993,0.0,0.0,0.1006964256699614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652769288033768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519680035604456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226737096982392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994443863766474,0.0,0.06722969835177542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22283932788188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971006644231496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833136707659479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055663461593445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812755317630728,0.0,0.0,0.061898584054744035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640035085723419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway109u,2020/04/02,"I am in so much pain and I don’t have it in my to write it all out *trigger warning suicidal* I want to die. Please I just want to stop suffering. It’s so painful. I just want to go away so that nobody has to feel guilty for what they did to me anymore. I feel so bad because these people get so sad that I’m not smiling, but I can’t possibly smile because they are around and they destroyed who I could’ve been. 

I could’ve been a happy person. I could’ve been a beautiful girl who wasn’t afraid to get close. Instead, I have to work my ass off to have some semblance of halfway normality. I can can barely function, and I’ve been trying to get better for 6 years now. 

I feel like I’ve failed my parents and my brother. My parents are so hurt that I am so cold to them but I can’t let them in after they let me get physically and sexually abused for so long. And it’s so painful to watch my brother be totally fine with my parents and be mad at me for not being affectionate. It’s so painful to watch my younger brother go through all the similar spaces I did as a kid, except everything is easier for him. He was not molested as a child. He was not targeted for being a woman. He doesn’t experience constant fear and paranoia. He’s okay. I’m not. I hate myself for not being okay. I just want to stop suffering. I don’t know what to say I’m just terribly scared. I just want to stop suffering. Please just end my suffering. Maybe I could be an angel in heaven and watch over little children to make sure nobody hurts them. It’s too late for me but maybe I can protect others. 

I don’t know if I have it in me or stay on this earth long enough to get better so I can finally help people. I’m just getting tired now. Is it time to die? I think it’s time to die soon. I won’t do it because I’m too scared to but I be cried so much and I can’t believe that I still have more fears to cry. I’m so alone in this world. I just want to stop suffering. Every day I’m suffering. All my life I’ve never known anything but suffering. It’s torture to watch all the other girls my age be normal and leave their house and talk to boys without losing their shit and having their day ruined because of the fear that everyone will hurt them. But it just feels like everyone wants to hurt me and I can’t escape it. I just want to die.",0.7577530364372471,2.7362131234817824,2.762390283400812,92.85497813765184,82.74493927125505,5.9762914979757085,21.41846153846154,7.1686216300943375,0.5321384291497981,1809,57,411,25,50,607,200,494,0.294,0.569,0.136,-0.9988,3,1,0,0,1,2,43.0,0,0,11,5,31,44,6,6,9,2,48,8,2,2,7,78,80,37,5,12,26,6,4,2,0,2,6,1,0,8,27,18,0,5,8,0,0,2,18,33,0,0,9,10,63,11,57,58,10,42,2,15,4,1,36,17,2,3,24,273,90,2,0.0,0.07903044343993368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908270173508389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615002591650572,0.0,0.0,0.054889701899876575,0.05937853142435765,0.0,0.0,0.0626683128550918,0.0,0.05569301785501322,0.16264261153110818,0.0,0.0,0.07514981863293099,0.0,0.11798422167613133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208069198409273,0.0,0.21302307770105428,0.0,0.14653706682579334,0.08603397836864737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769027607135936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059077785553066114,0.06892054363993852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619894250827467,0.12747240118608308,0.05994706267310741,0.06524692632383003,0.0,0.2251734029962532,0.13490525491981611,0.09530321794646494,0.0,0.07306830044540034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909287775275165,0.0,0.0758160692521396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100505269120098,0.0,0.0658539828663804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044708650768111986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769646466256421,0.2856216052205495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733148677770222,0.0,0.07524226686125797,0.07062732284640508,0.0,0.13641373192059744,0.04711328559576263,0.0651740275962683,0.06685248790631401,0.0,0.1180575661761374,0.0,0.07462198589214449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452381035017148,0.0,0.13402136796139502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806664519150388,0.0,0.051444356368420534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070673667688698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28390065763856576,0.0,0.22219257185746932,0.0,0.0,0.09248492868209184,0.05824123083711912,0.0,0.14643656918614986,0.0,0.07519598867110439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304375903192644,0.13355979879436722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846819451065228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109498979800657,0.05326795329881828,0.2230619689639211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296068234796102,0.0,0.06286543247835415,0.0,0.0,0.053612188647250134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042739667416879526,0.0,0.0,0.07778843400041505,0.07666363292518807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528598195757921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31473847393128995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429792518369473,0.0,0.048559531295890086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295361880858575
ptsd,bijou_x,2020/04/02,"Some Positive News I hope this is an okay place to post this! I've lurked here a while and it has helped to know other people are struggling with the same things, so I hope this can help other people feel like there is also hope.

April 1st is the anniversary of my trauma and today was the 5-year mark. Every year I dread all of the April Fool's jokes because it always reminds me of the worst experience of my life, and it usually puts me in such a bad episode that I spend a few days on the verge of tears and panic attacks. Next week will also be 1 year since a person I loved died, so overall the first week of April is just a really shitty time in my life. On top of the quarantine, I'm alone in a relatively new city and have absolutely none of my usual support network in place. Last night I felt so alone and stressed because I was worried about how my PTSD would ruin my week.

Even with all of that, I made it through today without a single tear. No panic attacks, no flashbacks, no disassociation. I went for an early morning walk, crossed some major things off my to-do list, and had a video call with a good friend. I know I'm not cured and that every day is different, but today feels like it was a monumental victory. I hope you can all find some little victories and moments of freedom, too!",7.931170483460562,5.869729458015272,7.922709923664128,77.14821246819339,63.58015267175573,10.718066157760816,33.66539440203562,9.075114841892004,2.6367928753180663,1026,31,211,13,12,333,153,262,0.134,0.723,0.14300000000000002,0.7468,1,3,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,2,13,24,2,5,20,1,17,3,0,2,3,37,32,17,1,5,4,0,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,15,12,0,0,6,2,1,4,6,12,0,1,7,3,21,12,26,22,12,41,0,1,0,1,7,12,0,7,26,138,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199831329966124,0.0,0.15429688791844492,0.08027224535279016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195011433447344,0.0,0.0,0.08054990285753671,0.11761659777023167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850846890788062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443262848644772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012247197004764,0.10079247235642512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371869782630242,0.0,0.16256326319118053,0.0,0.0,0.09436790785551363,0.0,0.0,0.09755805662257046,0.13783891129015885,0.09262803321000704,0.0,0.08817345501189792,0.08205884290040906,0.0,0.0,0.07453385439070337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091594816054892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129325995069552,0.0,0.0,0.3832729621915787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060367296458276,0.0786373728939808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628173599489932,0.0942624729976142,0.09669006302831393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706954383757923,0.09128392650434808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317304186656604,0.10259882762108644,0.09053222606627784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263776849301052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376276431136375,0.08423543321797251,0.20158494471285024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239329360270393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277034293241105,0.0969807799930127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180228964316619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980244954973365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050809281403036,0.10085324595034273,0.0,0.0,0.10947502751874487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818312184022096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625346806026346,0.0,0.27433188888467835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250006241865046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321515174929215,0.0,0.0,0.08943030233545471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299534891376994,0.0,0.0,0.09797177080330534,0.0,0.06853078135691915,0.0,0.0,0.186373981281738
ptsd,fakeprofile167,2020/04/02,"Please help me help my fiancée. I’m an ER nurse in a major urban hospital severely affected by the current pandemic. We are having the same issues involving lack of PPE as elsewhere and are doing our best to be safe while trying to help our patients. I’m a little more anxious than usual and a bit more stressed, but I’m maintaining just fine. My fiancée on the other hand is not. She has a history of ptsd, anxiety, and depression. She is on several meds that work wonderfully during normal times and will smoke a little pot when she’s more anxious than normal. The past few weeks it hasn’t been enough. I assure her that I’m being as safe as absolutely possible and tell her the truth about Covid patients so she knows I’m not sugar coating things. I explain to her all the measures we’re taking and that I honestly feel as safe as can be expected. None of this is working. She tearful nearly everyday. Before I go to work, she is either incredibly clingy or she shuts down. She obsessively reads everything on social media and is on the porch smoking pot constantly to maintain. Yesterday she exploded in rage at how “when they call you heroes it just means you’re willing to do what they’re afraid of, but they don’t give a fuck about you!”. I’m looking for ideas or mechanisms that anyone can help me with to help her. She is so miserable and unhappy that it breaks my heart, I want to make my love feel better and happy again. This is not going to end soon and I don’t think she’s just going to adjust. Thank you in advance anyone with any helpful suggestions.",4.416193520886615,5.936669062091505,5.447715260017052,79.70167519181587,70.79738562091505,8.720431940892299,28.337027564649052,9.20300075937882,2.47481375390736,1247,46,231,26,23,411,172,306,0.10800000000000001,0.679,0.212,0.9901,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,3,3,2,7,12,20,2,4,14,0,24,5,2,3,3,48,48,25,0,5,11,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,13,13,1,3,9,1,0,4,7,7,1,0,1,5,35,13,37,42,13,32,0,2,1,2,37,13,1,3,14,162,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508078720747427,0.0,0.08446132412698587,0.2494577691538981,0.0,0.1543987789731022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394852694120913,0.0,0.11586570713732905,0.09764633305017484,0.12053623604927355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273825340389153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931112747069444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509369279877836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778814560165104,0.11408031112394106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992270112731889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165055178546857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206982031521199,0.0,0.10591279502995844,0.18824113199826026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753068206632712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083324687874898,0.4440223353028438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463646459694873,0.0,0.1152365935478228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067699472676965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131434887122176,0.0,0.0,0.0927143711228922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996469481837309,0.0,0.07369776657170082,0.0,0.0,0.12026597626453032,0.12263768148578234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21635153175799304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539631288840998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119412072511472,0.0,0.12446770338446488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906028932240188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043723247164172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494577691538981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125463941635744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647125175094714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830125903496261,0.0,0.09650089438575696,0.10164825848741764,0.0,0.0,0.0733497405468691,0.07074457482117058,0.0,0.0,0.0643794163825274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074959346494186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159810293924915,0.0,0.06512111834233494,0.0,0.08856212025008664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973206648094607,0.2411336074426024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Anaphora121,2020/04/02,"PTSD hurting my friendship So, some background, I have PTSD due to traumatic experiences involving a childhood best friend and her family. I was diagnosed and started going to therapy about five years ago and after making a ton of progress to the point where I rarely have panic attacks or nightmares anymore, I stopped therapy about a year ago. This was about the point I moved in with my roommate.

My roommate is my best friend; we moved in together because we were close. We usually get along great, but... we just had a really difficult conversation where she told me that my PTSD makes me really hard to be around sometimes. She talked about how she feels that she has to put on her ""emotional kiddie gloves"" around me, because if she raises her voice or expresses anger/criticism, I'll either shut down or panic. She says it's frustrating and makes her feel like a shitty person when she does accidentally upset me.

She's told me things I have to do to be better -- like not taking it personally when she gets angry or actually pushing back when she does something I don't want her to -- and I intend to do them. I just feel so heartbroken because all this time I've been with her, I thought my PTSD was magically cured, but it turns out I only felt better because she was coddling me. It makes me feel like such a defective person.

For PTSD survivors who have been in a similar situation: how did you reduce the impact PTSD has on your relationships? How did you patch things up with friends who your PTSD alienated?",8.813279678068408,7.833553366197188,8.35945674044266,71.2604929577465,61.11267605633803,11.917102615694166,36.83501006036217,11.062562989136584,3.9927573440643855,1212,47,218,27,14,386,153,284,0.09,0.777,0.133,0.9112,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,4,4,1,5,21,19,2,3,10,0,22,1,0,8,1,46,41,20,0,2,11,0,6,3,3,0,1,2,0,3,12,17,0,1,6,0,0,5,2,8,0,1,14,8,50,11,30,25,6,36,0,1,0,0,42,16,0,6,18,158,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.07466917765622512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565472320985014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758839205077273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136232017933261,0.0,0.08704869477625174,0.0,0.05883655311392205,0.0,0.1865752708876298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059893148611767,0.1353454541369069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766275259628384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392040917890782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860708919489056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484793092568752,0.07213305391985687,0.0,0.15475639651798911,0.10932696872875504,0.07346794889317683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773496386166201,0.0,0.07995354546622423,0.0,0.04348615508933738,0.0,0.0,0.08435983711490208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854385679201855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819126178922537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214645786063733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20430173615218505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265010282540726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819433295391376,0.0,0.17955152031883873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004340680090365,0.0,0.0,0.14466586526072706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6261067900155447,0.07692033114849013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803700455759896,0.0,0.0,0.08215020794374671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084908264269313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600788011000368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058906227757410126,0.07567688781787256,0.0,0.05415885325177185,0.0,0.0,0.06397131553100327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057530971153714215,0.06150115597366816,0.0,0.0,0.17500683330503128,0.0,0.1016684767879516,0.0,0.0,0.06074564456509893,0.04461745298149008,0.0,0.0,0.14622980753995782,0.0,0.0,0.08322810378499225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427224018766959,0.0,0.04513148144240937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854838150189253
ptsd,ejw715,2020/04/02,"does anyone else get dizzy during or after a flashback? whenever I have a flashback, as well as getting really upset and stuff obviously, I get SUPER dizzy and lightheaded to the point where I can't really stand up.

my stomach also hurts really bad during and after a flashback

does anyone else experience either of these things?",7.259745762711862,8.802095949152545,8.162500000000001,62.812902542372896,64.08474576271186,10.645762711864409,30.00423728813559,10.686352973137794,3.8147593220338982,267,9,37,7,4,90,41,59,0.212,0.685,0.10300000000000001,-0.7362,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,0,2,1,1,0,1,6,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,2,7,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597694534705376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793911896012327,0.40941042820812856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681365554768396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496695975127868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337925159537365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542985301430854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131411138261905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138759305263096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886312844213046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839656718702811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287081184780419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272949050912938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963235101837652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nottoberevealed1,2020/04/02,"Can cheating cause PTSD? *** I do not want medical advise; just help to understand so I can take the correct path *** I’m not asking for a diagnosis just advice and what people think - my GP do not really listen when I complain of my mental health conditions and I literally have to force them to recognise symptoms. But delete if not allowed. 
I’ve tried every single forum for mental health and getting no luck - I assume because what I’m saying does not align. 

My bf of 7 years cheated on me; I’m 21. We are going to work on things - I understand why he cheated, I don’t think he’ll do it again - I never thought he would, I’m utterly shocked. 

Here’s the thing:

I find myself OBSESSED with the other woman because I’m trying to catch him out, always checking her Instagram to the point Instagram triggers me and I’ve had to give my passwords to my friends for them to change so I can’t check it no more 

I feel he’s out to get me and purposely hurt me, though showing general remorse. 

I am avoiding the area I work (she works in the same area as me) because of this, I find it highly triggering for me 

I find him going on his phone a trigger. 

Even certain clothes he has, because I’ve seen them in her pictures ~even though the dates don’t match up for them to be his actual clothes and any mans~

I don’t sleep properly at all anymore, feel like I close my eyes but don’t sleep!

I don’t eat and have lost like 10kg and I was big on my food. 

I have also picked up self harming again 

Is it possible to be suffering from PTSD because of this? I’ve checked online and align with majority of major symptoms and have been for weeks. I feel so unworthy, pathetic and stupid. And don’t understand why I’m triggered by every little thing? That’s why I’m writing here I feel like someone may be able to help or give advice. 

It may be worth adding I have diagnosed BPD so I really do believe this is possibly why I’m showing ptsd symptoms because we feel everything 10x worse.",1.8642964824120585,4.094970241206035,3.500047738693468,87.69102638190954,80.25628140703517,6.492562814070351,25.52788944723618,7.645422480735847,1.4693435175879408,1548,62,311,25,40,513,198,398,0.136,0.809,0.054000000000000006,-0.9855,1,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,2,0,4,4,16,18,4,2,9,0,33,12,3,7,4,65,65,25,0,3,11,0,5,3,2,4,7,2,0,3,15,19,2,1,15,2,4,3,15,12,0,0,6,9,51,6,40,51,6,28,0,3,2,0,34,18,0,6,10,192,66,4,0.07947593010284881,0.0,0.07755704323963432,0.0,0.0,0.15532591815331034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355687258938553,0.0661303405295875,0.0,0.0,0.05404635781570742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881876684254772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429926618422045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906867359306994,0.0,0.0,0.08954215740693731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100097151777711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164367286814038,0.08407499591655328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066639609920563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954992201184478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132371768291581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498620455516636,0.0,0.13392379776081664,0.0,0.07142784133888422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009270912225428,0.1135552406910338,0.0,0.0,0.217918680858392,0.0,0.09610261015123736,0.0,0.061402906448892285,0.0,0.08304578646138408,0.15248110815974414,0.09033600520195384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895839447457614,0.0,0.0,0.10654208133446658,0.08397068368501223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508062693538354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648377489187675,0.07965576103904791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675736607955907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006363828670801,0.16018608921083166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129673683099384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05509860298047568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513044283801573,0.17919433942606428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787093277502105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182863184276728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320244954804309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291072815357207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590666533381659,0.0,0.0673396976670024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478177665009839,0.059756008535802874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840082945577105,0.10184993382499972,0.15616939560942295,0.06309501095412241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791787920553568,0.0,0.0,0.2482117383188414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046876962725005765,0.0,0.06375079721430249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28685866091068873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357827100589915,0.0,0.08099276259346584,0.05645742046923125,0.0,0.0,0.05117989326551167
ptsd,jaybeags,2020/04/02,"I can’t calm myself down. Please, talk to me so I’m not alone in my head. I try. I think hard about why I shouldn’t be anxious or paranoid over what others think of me. I couldn’t believe starting a GoFundMe for my basement flood would trigger me so badly. I feel guilty as hell asking for help. I want to donate it to someone more deserving and just try to work. I apologized to most people who donated just Incase I didn’t actually deserve it, promising to give it away if my insurance company decided to approve my claim. I feel like punishing myself for being greedy, something that’s been difficult to escape lately (broke my no cutting streak of several years last month.....). 

My mouth is bleeding from sucking on it from all the anxiety. I can’t really stop crying. On hour 2 of my hot bath (it’s relieving... haven’t had hot water in days). I just wish I could seek medical attention without being high risk because I cannot calm myself down. I just feel and think that I don’t deserve anything.",3.7032142857142856,5.513306515306123,4.900765306122448,81.74512755102042,73.13265306122447,7.961224489795918,29.086734693877553,8.660442795831766,2.385291836734694,791,33,147,15,16,261,126,196,0.18,0.69,0.13,-0.9024,0,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,4,1,2,0,16,5,2,1,1,28,29,7,0,7,8,0,6,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,10,2,1,1,8,1,2,0,11,8,0,0,3,6,29,5,27,19,3,17,1,1,0,0,6,9,2,3,9,99,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.1546844762005833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417023441357095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126095594939057,0.1790730128213749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044155774841926,0.0,0.1481869678332523,0.0,0.1489268855056734,0.0,0.13235058222706048,0.09662721271053427,0.0,0.0,0.178588315616499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655863089935346,0.0,0.17411757217690113,0.10222688199483013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24044471446056415,0.11324073348084575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205879028483268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419952772676243,0.0,0.16267865341407614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062469980554896,0.16747623013280594,0.0,0.0,0.15610201662834766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292081271126079,0.17880801239925892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744077112955516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596837815596796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652246333204298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989199930024256,0.0,0.0,0.17399815935253338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154660312508554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790730128213749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343063818065045,0.12202998977112205,0.0,0.0,0.11219534096711936,0.0,0.0,0.13252281256308318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740563638340965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047035383254464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152379709217085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349426076735996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303208275188184,0.0,0.18228054098682495,0.15279954582830985,0.0,0.11539834771416865,0.0,0.0,0.11260210740545892,0.0,0.0,0.10207628670572766
ptsd,shamditioner,2020/04/02,"I can’t talk to my partner because of my PTSD so me and my partner of 5 months now have been in a bit of a rocky spot as of late, and I cannot talk about it due to my PTSD.

my PTSD (it may be C-PTSD but that’s still being tested) mainly revolves around people leaving me without warning , but it does have other tie in factors. But when they try to talk to me I get horribly triggered and I throw a fit until they have to calm me down because my PTSD is so bad.

does anyone have advice for this? I havent been able to see a therapist in about 5 months because the scheduling got messed up, and I can’t see one for a while now because of COVID-19 shit... anything would help, I really don’t want things to end badly with them. I love them very much.",4.50320138888889,3.8126223062500015,5.355833333333333,88.32805555555555,69.6875,8.111111111111112,28.402777777777786,6.937597516519254,1.2206319444444444,579,17,134,4,9,190,94,160,0.109,0.7709999999999999,0.12,-0.0298,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,4,0,9,6,1,0,6,0,16,2,1,1,0,14,22,13,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,2,22,2,26,15,3,20,0,0,2,1,11,7,1,1,12,94,29,1,0.11499867365608905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237537295209747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040974647268175,0.0,0.09463410989694124,0.10237320068856624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920381780100534,0.28040849632661285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554876723710232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127222855765955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185469144457784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008206059008826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919749446515405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708118688367283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972351287371958,0.12176699090414399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379079282260552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358168832189328,0.0,0.08453725705420521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792607745843266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972560062975613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6721364775762371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367109505342348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832781079508662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804448593262964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183808933159532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772947334372838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352232363671707,0.07640000886585023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807655070129077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488594940167076,0.06782919723525645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108546176672305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816917582921499,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TheodorePeterJames,2020/04/02,"I'm sorry, I'm working on it. But I catch attitudes with motherfuckers be stalking me. I hate when a bitch lurking around the fucking corner like a damn creep like you stupid. Bitch, I know you're fucking watching me

These be the same bitches catching attitudes with you!! Don't invade my personal space or privacy..

Get the fuck on. Sometimes I wish Reddit had an option where only your followers could see your posts. Because some people are mental.",3.2056626506024126,6.208273240963862,3.854228915662653,82.21290963855424,81.65060240963857,6.211566265060243,27.577108433734946,7.554174236665415,2.0873383132530123,361,16,59,6,10,114,63,83,0.29100000000000004,0.624,0.085,-0.9647,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,1,3,11,9,0,6,0,6,3,0,0,0,11,17,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,9,0,0,1,2,11,2,5,13,2,11,0,0,2,3,5,6,7,3,3,36,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675415413304054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347313948752568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764660326656998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6129867128037608,0.11547353145610112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182109322065739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146650017119184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159578615965397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22273560405039847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809523824704822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153227045839627,0.19298564370226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116755213159558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612387254882558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185938706027372,0.2474131600180642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25416144020776393,0.0,0.0,0.16090477948904786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nyocanada,2020/04/02,"I'm looking for help with CPT worksheets Hi everyone, first post here (and on mobile).

I was diagnosed with ptsd this summer and I've started doing CPT and I'm doing the exercises after session 3, handout 6.6. 

This exercise is asking me to do a daily ABC worksheet ""on the trauma that causes you the most distress, or other traumas,"" 

I don't have a specific event that I consider the worst,  as I'm dealing with lifetime of emotional and verbal abuse. I'm not really sure how to fill out these sheets.

Has anyone else done this type of therapy and filled out these worksheets? Really any guidance would be appreciated.

Thank you and take care 💜",5.152941712204008,6.740819303278693,6.236010928961751,74.49742258652097,69.08196721311475,9.028779599271402,30.76867030965392,9.444778638647367,3.0368167577413483,513,21,87,11,9,171,87,122,0.13,0.768,0.102,-0.688,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,2,7,0,1,6,0,11,3,0,2,1,18,21,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,11,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,4,0,1,2,1,6,3,14,17,2,12,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,5,58,14,2,0.0,0.24809195511530066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423918320664433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640979286784336,0.21454397354991853,0.0,0.0,0.19575063076847615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134862381688718,0.21510038097237347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158710645910466,0.0,0.2125256241304952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427784366436986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749178032112407,0.23553466004480586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000803478822278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810634130607414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034916289010008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583418680195365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053696717082845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24476476242663306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268280158569668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820674911380194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734683716633453,0.0,0.15743461495416633,0.0,0.0,0.19277743735411876,0.2394547915948643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874407562803374,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ElectricTopsyLove,2020/04/03,"I don’t have a pre-existing provider, what can I do? TL;DR I was kidnapped, tied up, and left in a bathtub in a bathroom no windows for almost 4 days about 5yrs a go.

Quarantine has really deeply been fucking me up. Seriously fucking me up. I have left the house some for things like volunteering, but it hasn’t been nearly enough. A lot of my triggers are coming back. It’s been a long time since I saw a therapist, I the one I did see I’ve since found out he’s retired. 

I can’t find any resources or practices who are taking on new clients for telemedicine right now. The NAMI chatline said they weren’t the people to help and directed me to 211 who said they couldn’t do anything unless I was a danger to myself or others (which thankfully am not).",3.247543859649124,4.763830421052635,4.332894736842107,86.55859649122809,73.73684210526315,7.171929824561403,27.14035087719298,7.793537801064563,1.5354324561403507,592,22,121,8,12,193,102,152,0.057,0.877,0.066,0.3222,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,0,3,6,3,0,12,0,20,2,0,1,0,16,31,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,11,4,16,2,17,19,3,19,0,0,2,2,8,11,2,5,7,86,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556329826849018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922744434673045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442780593459658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481459153290493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102751063424966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307053060229096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811582490205077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024445460168618,0.0,0.0,0.1922355098973034,0.0,0.3241714498140275,0.0,0.0,0.09964159906434696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751707780388268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230224375513767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809836320435479,0.0,0.0,0.08565524949017035,0.0,0.0,0.15515767028641247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905558564118704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933059133809902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880518811229895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154872013462567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123180916032864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497271347973415,0.3335496571506357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971183204738996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29006235498541083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182305838959948,0.0,0.0,0.16141628947311018,0.0,0.2035665760965981,0.11647856174886187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223378802105376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Visual_Giraffe,2020/04/03,"Relatively new PTSD diagnosis, still don’t know all my triggers. (Trigger warning ⚠️) Hey y’all! Obligatory I’m on mobile liner

CW: csa, car accident

So I (19F) was diagnosed with PTSD in early 2019, I’m still pretty new to the diagnosis. I need some help understanding if this was a trigger because I’m not sure why I reacted to this situation the way I did. Please don’t judge me for not knowing.

Situation:
I hydroplaned off the highway earlier today on I-95, hit a pole going 65mph and ended up in a ditch. The way I reacted to my single-car car accident was the same way I reacted when I was sexually abused. The way I react is I shut down mentally and can’t properly think and I get very spacey. I‘ve never been in a true car accident where I needed to go to the hospital so I can’t tell if the “accident” triggered my PTSD or if that’s a normal reaction to hydroplaning at high speeds. Any opinions or advice?

(I’m physically okay and so is my car, it scared the life out of me though. I’ve never hydroplaned before.)",2.3966351558507952,4.447359762135925,5.020945324476242,78.3758942258559,77.59223300970874,8.802861522738885,27.34695963208993,9.414487439383343,2.7467320388349523,805,34,157,23,19,286,121,206,0.13,0.8190000000000001,0.051,-0.9381,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,14,1,12,2,0,8,5,36,26,14,0,6,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,6,8,1,0,0,6,0,20,3,19,19,3,34,0,0,0,0,4,13,0,7,11,93,24,0,0.0,0.15222070662290355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554332639012614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736673982197597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783165707309881,0.0,0.1093219292873026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039842692836434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378984947033766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712237338752251,0.0,0.14602949360524764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611342814052593,0.1357398568687599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412119240791701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074500043979088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947159572624553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052371732273032,0.198174170289535,0.2481620200515977,0.0,0.0,0.12587726293381796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102589500140691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307042665714675,0.0,0.0,0.4505377662365564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862490746583907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28882036484306856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051990382077185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108524433729953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122919570500868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232096508442352,0.12622507330547955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177834980724794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374598671019786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060045221887613,0.0,0.4079067914923891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159278210704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bamboobay21,2020/04/03,"Question!! Can movies spark PTSD?? I’m a two time cancer survivor. I’ve been in remission for 3 1/2 years. The past couple of years I’ve had really bad anxiety and a little depression, but I’m on meds for it and it’s helping. Anyways, the other day I watched a movie that dealt with someone with cancer. I swear to god, ever since i watched that movie.. I’ve had flashbacks, scary as hell nightmares, and overall been sort of angry. I can’t tell if it’s bc of this coronavirus going around. I haven’t left my house in two weeks because I live in a hotspot area. Maybe I’m going insane and need to go outside more haha but I thought I could ask some people. Thanks",0.93097222222222,3.3408703703703715,2.297662037037039,93.61760416666668,86.03703703703705,4.856481481481481,21.770833333333336,6.322622252153567,0.3657499999999998,520,18,108,5,16,167,90,135,0.243,0.643,0.114,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,6,1,8,2,0,0,1,17,18,8,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,3,0,2,5,2,9,2,15,12,2,18,1,1,2,0,4,8,1,4,7,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495915685277327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704927119550238,0.16492685612417252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730151883177106,0.10754267154128287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085528177550144,0.19520297305547407,0.0,0.11377490548126885,0.0,0.15194841822328595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958002708578028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300786954527271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182491525276416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356248917631825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916784881735884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681701199814293,0.15578017576008396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723542211358284,0.0,0.19596043825711207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081158534917442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841078055353592,0.12230591004590227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622300218664488,0.0,0.197628344394377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301777915015365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593465178923778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947825461740133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541969590988112,0.1624218351157905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005605072844793,0.10287065521961736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446691702305538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151174163544508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272145964974341
ptsd,babydollwinnie,2020/04/03,"PTSD flashbacks/hallucinations getting worse I'm not really looking for advice or medical help or whatever. Just asking if anyone else has experienced these and how you cope with them.


TW I do mention rape, molestation, and domestic abuse


The other night, I was hanging out with my boyfriend like normal. He was on a voice call with his friends while they played video games, I was playing my Switch. It was a fun time. And then my memory goes black.  Or at least I dont remember what was actually happening.


My boyfriend didnt know what to do, but I kept running out on his balcony and sitting down to get fresh air, then running inside and back out.  


He could get me to calm down but only for a few minutes, and at a certain point I started palming and punching his wooden chair, and after that he told me I started hitting him. (Hes a big man, and told me I didnt hurt him at all, he was happy that I stopped hitting the chair. I still feel really bad though.)


In my head while all this happened, I was gone. I was back where I was raped last year, with the person in front of me and I was reliving it a second time. And then I was back to where I was molested years ago. And then back to where I was beaten last year. It was just flashback after flashback after flashback and I couldn't get out of it. I fell asleep thinking my face was bashed in and my body was harmed. 


My boyfriend was terrified and I'm so ashamed. I dont remember any of what I was doing in real time. Does this happen to anyone else? What do you do to cope with them or make it stop?",2.624814814814812,4.425445222929941,3.67676574663836,89.41563930172212,76.07006369426752,6.690068412361407,25.00542580797358,7.526774132740827,1.1243148384052841,1216,42,256,16,27,392,155,314,0.149,0.7659999999999999,0.085,-0.98,0,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,0,2,3,1,13,17,5,1,9,0,31,8,5,2,3,51,54,31,0,4,10,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,15,24,0,3,5,4,0,6,6,9,0,1,24,5,44,8,35,26,4,56,0,1,2,2,25,21,0,5,29,180,59,1,0.0,0.12708403238507118,0.10466902879494933,0.0,0.0,0.1048119701363401,0.0950783748764035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293960092051963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149995567971249,0.21979844747459265,0.0,0.0,0.10027241507455437,0.0,0.0,0.3299013095030786,0.08955654272759052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191402471669913,0.0,0.0,0.10952313524674462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563735228786866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938628200052896,0.0,0.2514128188135045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792017782897618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423322658620964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286781335042277,0.0,0.22415299633247865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845455693213446,0.11417889136065115,0.0,0.0,0.1100783806931061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189325245816121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482266753100095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058946582009018526,0.17486032870879686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240118790428385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900703026809433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159602186401079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805186622918192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065503351714956,0.10509076270979872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157508228762785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936541684911121,0.0,0.0,0.10139415011596098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537969230196974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208389400483352,0.13742535240247708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430064193968369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518365341214801,0.0,0.08565694443127576,0.1793461687282194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872705051012487,0.10538113808327276,0.0,0.18763024921920549,0.0,0.0,0.20498058792808616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930578895181124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721327805310216
ptsd,danger_boogie,2020/04/03,"Medical PTSD is resurfacing during this pandemic and I don’t know what to do. 6 years ago I had a pulmonary embolism and blood clots in my leg. I had open heart surgery, with an awful recovery. I went on to have three minor strokes, and a major stroke that required an 8 hour emergency surgery for which I was awake the whole time. I was in and out of the hospital for a whole year, not sure whether I was going to live or die. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that makes my blood clot.

I also have an anxiety disorder and was diagnosed with ptsd following that traumatic year. I have made good strides and most days don’t think about my disorder, and am actually able to walk into hospitals without having a panic attack.

Fast forward to now. I had a major panic attack on my exercise bike because I couldn’t catch my breath and all I could think about is if I get covid this is what it’s going to feel like. I’m now terrified to work out which was a major outlet for me.

After my heart surgery I woke up a bit too early and when I woke up I was intubated. It was the scariest thing I ever felt. You feel like you’re choking and there’s nothing you can do. I can’t get that image out of my head. I try to stay away from the news but I still like to browse reddit.  I just read a scary headline about the death rate of people who need ventilators. I’m terrified I’ll need a ventilator because one third of my lung never recovered from the embolism which means I’m often short of breath when doing physical activity.

Therapy is a no go for me right now, I haven’t got the funds. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m living in hell.

I don’t know if anyone has any suggestions or similar experiences. I really just need something that will help me cope other than alcohol.

Thank you for listening.",3.288403645588652,4.819891811989105,4.778759748191302,83.34149863760219,73.65940054495913,8.65879921074885,26.551630179460677,9.223106411051027,2.1725797049704028,1433,51,293,33,29,480,189,367,0.128,0.799,0.073,-0.9675,0,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,0,2,17,12,3,2,21,1,35,16,9,2,4,54,66,19,2,7,11,0,6,4,0,1,7,1,0,0,18,18,1,1,10,3,1,8,11,5,0,3,17,7,41,7,43,46,8,42,1,0,0,0,7,16,1,6,23,198,59,3,0.09581095333958868,0.0,0.09349766956326204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493062923341929,0.10239277114849173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661998477012505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515473376850538,0.0,0.0732951170586738,0.0,0.0,0.06699324629066575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179975822841999,0.09001754456626399,0.0,0.0,0.11681093574139148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460074622747594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764972500334327,0.0,0.0,0.061790138661627136,0.0,0.0,0.1944922016699175,0.09943664296777137,0.0,0.3294229595966672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666649257625568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372149704665142,0.0,0.0,0.14533469041660654,0.20534209262920752,0.09199354036989582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001145373373354,0.0,0.16335471824152326,0.08036168194135501,0.07662877188282602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832967958712567,0.0,0.0,0.2270728820383339,0.06422006241530816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943544893926534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796558284762316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723356881414185,0.0,0.16920565427378784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065864066185443,0.06395455533842097,0.0,0.0,0.10436621613025383,0.0,0.09651945566611897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312782365537025,0.07389531377340727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193319376503647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492398158986716,0.0,0.0,0.22482702024176554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642325132159291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399575453706133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583688114426216,0.0,0.061378950089014526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818220306498537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375995278048197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212172820701933,0.07651475110104937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030068964650467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820985322754593,0.10956817515120006,0.0,0.06365254008477476,0.12278358044654647,0.0,0.0,0.05586813738359088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504934812142776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881771363466498,0.0,0.21393901559450013,0.0,0.0923583399975204,0.0,0.06975151513416745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509733799559389
ptsd,Bittybot5000,2020/04/03,"Any support out there to talk to? Hey all. I'm having a really rough morning so I created a new account so I'm able to discuss my mental health in private. Sorry for the empty account.

I'm struggling with thoughts of suicide lately, but especially today. I suffer from suicidal ideation so this isn't that unusual for me, but it's been hyped into overdrive with all the additional stress of COVID-19. I'm having trouble finding support form my friends and family since everyone I know is struggling with their own issues lately.

I'm looking for support. I'll take any suggestions anyone has, or I'd appreciate having someone to talk to. 

Thanks <3",3.6597965670692933,6.532147528925624,4.911074380165289,76.43066751430388,77.84297520661157,7.028862047043865,32.448188175460906,8.139509932561175,3.0657089637635098,525,28,82,10,13,173,82,121,0.207,0.637,0.156,-0.8052,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,3,4,0,7,1,0,0,2,15,20,7,2,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,7,5,17,18,4,7,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,1,4,50,10,0,0.14511299589048612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973636266843857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146638077184003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866168625417974,0.0,0.0,0.13679961779964622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326306493003239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211394065663938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424832884197634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146026616972308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975030750871277,0.0,0.32738756008333764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185836890608995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623976891672286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015103568734388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296310099806962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003896975693308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295377050853824,0.0,0.0,0.16244211832344074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622644650691706,0.3034072214281329,0.0,0.3174601294237913,0.4940175242091636,0.0,0.0,0.10910691337448078,0.2332726586283684,0.0,0.13360055007009505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520350945811138,0.0,0.0,0.1375501524869343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,memeorcry,2020/04/03,"It feels like I'm faking Does anyone else experience paralysis during a triggering event? While speaking to my therapist about my trauma event I will sometimes dissociate and go catatonic and can really only move my eyes, I can't speak except for grunts and I feel locked in. For example, today during my video session with my therapist, she was telling my to make a fist and uncurl it. In my head I know I am physically capable of uncurling my fist but there is this block. Like my body won't respond fully to what my mind is telling it it \*can\* do. I was stuck curled up. But the thing is, when my therapist logged out of the video chat, I was slowly able to start moving again and within 5-10 minutes, I was almost fully mobile, able to walk and function decently normally. Because of this it feels performative, ie. it seems to mostly occur when other people who are related to the trauma are around... however when others aren’t around I still have flashbacks that cause panic attacks, I cry, Have suicidal thoughts about it, can barely leave my room etc. Am I faking my ptsd? Is it something else?",3.8800303643724696,6.259730403846158,4.9044736842105285,79.39842105263159,74.28846153846155,8.032793522267207,25.85121457489879,8.841846274778883,2.2506403846153846,876,31,153,19,19,286,128,208,0.16899999999999998,0.795,0.036000000000000004,-0.9868,2,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,1,1,5,0,22,3,3,3,0,27,33,12,1,1,3,0,3,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,16,10,0,1,6,3,0,4,3,6,0,0,6,6,25,2,23,25,2,22,0,0,1,0,8,8,0,3,12,108,41,1,0.2576710804108925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290101832605295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008480528716427,0.13200723602023376,0.0,0.22938189100711665,0.0,0.14656902628616872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785369495009893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431072412747592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234958917387446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151979126477832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274484944117047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152511240524269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368568346608532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260258799228467,0.0,0.0,0.1954293606081676,0.09204013566532897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322020651494424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132222433305037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080464355645691,0.0,0.0,0.13641823469410422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588507441975486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599872351150059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130087168723429,0.0,0.0,0.2738635801230755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623147502606802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798523387802957,0.0,0.15116074726322629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931834167110356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060185205142185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253534607815917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728703707854846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918389318515468,0.12742164357941926,0.0,0.09119045847030112,0.0,0.10288822883172118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092517013042566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521588159172096,0.0,0.0,0.4487639765307507,0.08559260816667273,0.0,0.0,0.10228102785363352,0.0,0.0,0.122121027770453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IAmAllWrong7,2020/04/03,"Newly Diagnosed And Needing Help Sorry if this is a long post. I just need some guidance. 

A few days ago I confessed to my mum I was an opiate addict, and I ended confessing to her about all the trauma I went through and it made me realise it was unresolved trauma. Later on I spoke to my psychiatrist said my former mixed personality disorder was most likely substance abuse disorder and my dissociative disorder was most definitely ptsd. Ever since I’ve been hypersensitive and obsessing over my trauma. I was emotionally abused all throughout my childhood, sexually abused through my pre teens and teens and raped last year. It all drives my substance abuse disorder, I’m seven days sober but I feel doomed to relapse because the deep seated trauma isn’t being addressed. I feel stuck in a vicious cycle, I feel so hopeless. 

My ptsd has ruined my life, I don’t trust anyone and I can’t be around people that remind me, even in a minuscule way, of my abusers. It makes me paranoid and prone to psychosis and severe depression and dissociation as well as the occasional panic attack. I get angry easily because I’m always on edge. I know it’s an overused term but I’m also very easily triggered. 

Has anyone else in this community an addict? Can you tell me if it gets better? I just want my life back. But I just can’t stay away from drugs (I abuse whatever I can get, I just took it way too far with opiates and also alcohol), my best friend relapses and I worry we drag each other down and trigger each other. It’s so hard to be strong for her when I can’t even be strong for myself. 

Thank you for reading this far. You get a virtual hug :)",3.693774864376132,5.897048585443036,5.092441229656419,78.65341772151898,74.22151898734177,7.805424954792044,26.475587703435806,8.634040054169528,2.1423828209764917,1307,48,235,26,28,436,175,316,0.252,0.61,0.13699999999999998,-0.9908,0,0,2,0,6,1,31.0,1,3,0,4,17,23,3,2,11,0,20,9,0,4,4,49,42,26,0,5,9,1,4,1,1,0,7,2,1,1,14,19,1,0,6,1,0,3,5,13,1,1,12,6,45,10,26,26,11,33,3,4,0,2,15,12,0,6,15,161,59,1,0.0,0.5959017850358485,0.0,0.1827596510081571,0.0,0.0,0.07430434314973791,0.08958167003049068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406700720043302,0.06974774307434979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722247217586346,0.08588692900021916,0.0,0.07462055407267419,0.0,0.09536116302247184,0.07875479766628851,0.06445498289892494,0.0,0.1021958736360689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796743550289624,0.07413494222673409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811825386963723,0.0,0.07219692948573668,0.08507893691162613,0.0,0.0,0.3842752899585073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720847513795476,0.0,0.0700236538771044,0.09428998768707983,0.0742426089970296,0.0,0.0,0.11072906570606088,0.0758230200587795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715081479729778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476171313679444,0.0,0.1751769651004416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750892580128138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618502533037846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606712160147894,0.06832721891042216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184138236836826,0.04095185527261387,0.0,0.0,0.0741810279676353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931568158659705,0.05595273776665996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430790545635907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834864178071892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811255731729398,0.07319131697416112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027959945149793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959700235290037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384603490188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973520226235725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469652738895704,0.0,0.06933954224696562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383337885173956,0.0,0.08934453923429549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732653035361828,0.07717327968210216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313082734719162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916304335940521,0.04944118427436092,0.1330701489147179,0.0,0.0,0.07536725943001486,0.07770508627161392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512668193715238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053979489860005114
ptsd,Mikecirca81,2020/04/03,"I maybe not ptsd, but I do have a traumatic trigger that is still active This might be off topic, but I can't think of a better place to make this thread.  A few years ago I was particularity  depressed, as I have been for most of my life, but I wasn't at all at risk of harming myself or others. At the time I couldn't find a a doctor to treat me, so somone recommended a local government phone line that could help. Well the person I talked to completely misunderstood me, thought I was telling her I was about to kill myself. So the cops show up at my door, telling to to come out. I did and they jumped on me, handcuffed me and dragged me from my porch to there car and drove me to the hospital. I was able to convince the doctors the whole thing was a big misunderstanding, but I was left extremely traumatized.   I have never had my personal freedom taken away, been put into restraints, had large men hold me down and taken away fro my home. 

Well years later, with this virus screwing up my ability to get groceries I asked s local group for help about that, and another misunderstanding happened and that person somehow sent the cops to check on me. They were just their to see if I was ok and nothing more but I freaked out, I was hyphenating, shaking, I felt like I was having heart attack and when they left I had no energy left so I fell right to sleep.  So given what I know of the symptoms of ptsd, I doubt I actually have it but that stress trigger is still active given what happened last night.  I want to know if there's any research about simple non abusive arrests causing people trauma and what it means for somone like me. I know there's really not much of a point to this thread, I guess I just wanted to get this there   and see what people of my story. Thanks.",4.5773677998111415,5.4738050028328615,5.1218873937677065,84.53833628423044,69.79320113314448,7.922993389990557,26.60635033050047,8.07648339933343,1.4554797922568454,1398,42,287,18,24,448,182,353,0.185,0.674,0.141,-0.9712,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,4,1,19,20,3,4,16,1,30,7,2,4,2,52,56,25,1,6,13,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,3,4,18,15,0,1,8,1,1,8,7,11,2,0,25,3,52,9,47,27,6,43,0,1,2,1,18,24,1,8,13,208,70,4,0.10195031953455712,0.12079445760882965,0.09948880535533057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037280693709948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932971330892132,0.10690379924409768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530978648330243,0.11598320649655745,0.19157136240402736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090166772723477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473106166999616,0.0,0.08782117298079732,0.1068929703459835,0.0,0.0,0.08139903437534103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780966082584743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870094409710102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788829469825128,0.0,0.0931807450688179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065296682250872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230977094797044,0.0,0.18030866173661614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081161952010025,0.13667030032702054,0.0,0.1022644830141188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279292336848215,0.0,0.16808768815499686,0.08310311754855065,0.0,0.0,0.332307961430716,0.0,0.07201052571640244,0.09961555283006436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680526299465222,0.0,0.1024227990267726,0.11105378573344762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815317795076328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494521541201159,0.0,0.07863037146288741,0.0,0.0,0.09567346857913316,0.0,0.09782408120873062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135902964577812,0.2670572598313015,0.10651638489421336,0.0,0.09637600521562094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23834893562218326,0.10248822999943276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531198528096735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706501583542976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248241023335055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202394683605814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628353137497876,0.0,0.11678374657266123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596541807656028,0.0,0.08194380503241003,0.17821814583086842,0.09386215677001113,0.0,0.0,0.06773126218490096,0.06532564818426716,0.0,0.08093716574923843,0.059448051183352085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026587980635794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833311620054621,0.0,0.0,0.11382389090452567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130532641546047
ptsd,Wampirehunter,2020/04/03,"[Trigger Warning] The latest chapter of the webcomic ""Joe vs. Elan School"" nails the true emotional toll of PTSD. This (true) story is about a teen sent to one of those behavior modification camps.

[This is the latest chapter](https://elan.school/43-new-horizon/), it can actually stand alone as an outline for how PTSD affects a person.

But I would recommend starting at [Chapter One](https://elan.school/rude-awakening/) and going through the whole thing to get a real understanding of how important this story is.",11.150370370370366,12.933527740740747,8.792197530864197,60.88088888888888,55.54320987654321,11.912098765432098,40.89135802469136,11.602472056035307,5.443516543209873,421,20,55,11,5,124,61,81,0.025,0.866,0.109,0.6908,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,9,0,5,0,0,4,2,12,10,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,11,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,38,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.18719809754093644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986776974000845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21578257230402698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022309119191257,0.0,0.10902122880705653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852703019186143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599775137749837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674982788142626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484772647537796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834417459691727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5824256374291892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357780360245499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274431166378508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970146385050586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214170988946272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362703019924802,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,the_twin_thing,2020/04/03,"idrk lol so somehow i've managed to fall into 2 abusive relationships in a row. I have nightmares every night about all the abuse i endured and i really have no clue how to cope. I was diagnosed with PTSD but then recieved no follow up or treatment, could use some protips for coping rn...",2.4972023809523805,5.073520982142857,3.853571428571428,84.05809523809525,80.25,5.8761904761904775,27.190476190476193,7.1686216300943375,1.6441047619047624,229,10,41,3,6,75,49,56,0.18100000000000002,0.785,0.034,-0.8051,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,2,1,11,6,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,8,4,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,2,29,4,1,0.0,0.6689351861788776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22538566459306436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28651849649748495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378415736614289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26491012412014553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299820057603122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084225840525006,0.0,0.0,0.3030739096945725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24380799974823195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Toasty-lil-Bean,2020/04/03,"Learning to stop blaming yourself for abuse/comparing I hear this so much among people, that they hold some of the blame for the abuse they suffered or think that what they went through could’ve been worse. I was listening to Five Finger Death Punch earlier (which is a band known for sympathizing with veterans suffering from PTSD) and a lyric in their song M.I.N.E. struck me. 

“It could have been much worse
But it should have been better”

(Sounds way more powerful in the song, I promise lol)

For all the abuse sufferers here that have ever thought “it could have been worse,” yes,
it could’ve been. It can always get worse. And what you went through might seem small compared to someone else’s story.

But it should have been better! Because consent is a human right and so is being free from torture/physical harm. Having free thought/expression is also a human right. If you were subject to emotional/verbal, sexual, or physical abuse, then understand that it should have been better because you deserve better. 

So yes, It could have been much worse.

But it should have been better.",5.193277310924369,7.6722924693877586,4.198307322929171,85.49795318127255,70.73469387755101,7.468907563025211,27.345738295318128,8.313332769828598,1.9336360144057627,868,31,153,14,17,254,108,196,0.228,0.631,0.141,-0.9718,1,0,0,0,4,0,31.0,0,3,4,6,6,12,0,0,8,3,34,1,1,0,2,29,43,14,1,8,6,0,1,0,0,5,0,5,0,2,17,4,0,2,6,3,2,2,0,4,0,1,14,6,11,10,17,20,6,12,0,3,0,0,12,6,0,6,3,110,28,1,0.0,0.3536013102718198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955383017931843,0.0827750275596461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128372738441574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399082762727725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971319791176353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310247219506134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998502744856854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051974004730687806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212078143863947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553217476609277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21938693954079205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896665499803865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628637274460653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991013377970487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056252579928216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428877404238477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316943136539813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374253490756274,0.0,0.15795144040629766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356181099040997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789623058630035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443724123950747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5068912470522121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,frankwest1993,2020/04/03,"Power of therapy ans other ways to deal with ptsd hello everybody, 

I'm French, I'm 26.I have a ptsd, i know it since yesterday , I made a Denial during 7 years. Now I Begin to treat it because during the last 6 years I know strange health problem, like breathing problem, skin problem with rush or urticaria and gastric and stomach problem ( ulceria etc) . 

I was not like that before my 19 years old, year when I knew a sudden and brutal aggression.I'm Rational and open minded but it's just crazy how I Suffer and don't understand Cleary why, since I don't really really have resent for this aggression... Or maybe yes but I think something in me, thinks I will lose my timd

I'm going to do my third therapy session today ( by phone, because of coronavirus) , and I will tell everything to my therapist, since I was ashamed the Last two sessions to talk about my real life and my demons ( addict to pornography, crazy anger). 

Does therapy work ? Am I going to breath again and sleep well again ? Feel again Something without force it ? Please tell me ... It's just a crazy phenomenon, when I meditate, it leaves, but as soon as a stressful situation happen, this damn dread comes back stronger. 

Please give me solution if therapy is not the answer. 

Thanks",4.008777845902312,6.364176703862665,4.5380012262415725,82.28921316165955,73.8068669527897,7.871571632945024,27.40425097077457,8.704169506293173,2.2863040670345387,984,38,176,20,21,312,141,233,0.225,0.705,0.07,-0.99,1,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,3,13,19,5,3,9,1,11,8,5,2,0,39,29,19,0,5,11,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,8,0,0,4,5,14,1,2,4,2,23,5,18,23,1,26,1,2,0,0,7,2,1,3,21,102,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566737678806626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453274206071976,0.0,0.1181745513970818,0.0,0.08247979853310085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349611393087007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992997744117996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482358997705926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810192714178336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711391402630349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049010427928996285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298353343650786,0.1101744479901938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571436734496309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030314424626739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653975029943293,0.15802083108959353,0.0,0.10263426189703556,0.0,0.0,0.0684641169704404,0.09470963853106742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843922910665843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171696230738773,0.0,0.0,0.09737863212699226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787108427361356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017111226123812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279879496267312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370993463200943,0.2266106134606396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032690225251253,0.12419093890406947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405430573927436,0.10895273098368112,0.09699942279936516,0.0,0.0,0.14924200847429256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103232487269213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790819740486908,0.16944117350944896,0.08923958846666366,0.4433889640112462,0.11254252923125478,0.0,0.12421691895630126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187775795100153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094685960439351,0.10090694621275001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693806311759695,0.0,0.0,0.08715119071134438,0.0,0.08746372652406635,0.0,0.0,0.09343650342078938,0.0,0.07056577329793773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496774780385275
ptsd,HellishFriend,2020/04/03,"Having nightmares again, plus a question for others with trauma related nightmares Recently with everything happening in the world, I’ve been stressed and anxious most of the time. This frustration and fear also comes up in my dreams in the form of repeated nightmares about my past trauma. This is normal for me, but my question is, does anyone else seem to have nightmares about the trauma but you’re being harmed by a person who did not traumatize you? For example, the other night I had a nightmare about my dad, who didn’t contribute to my trauma at all, but he was performing awful acts against me. Does anyone else have these types of dreams? (Sorry if this is worded weirdly, English is not my first language)",8.724637362637367,8.658297661538466,7.719010989010989,72.79884615384617,60.84615384615386,10.505494505494507,36.263736263736256,9.957137785484203,3.6739890109890116,576,23,93,10,7,177,83,130,0.20199999999999999,0.737,0.061,-0.9571,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,5,9,1,2,8,1,13,0,0,0,1,19,16,8,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,9,0,1,5,0,10,0,21,10,3,15,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,5,7,74,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250871898572529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013184465350448,0.0,0.2492070897226409,0.365179666049848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350593757912706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118929515459005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977311546250056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015719078694893,0.0,0.0,0.20052769924953348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515792151215545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575841521700525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723126095000207,0.17460091311938974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701147416910158,0.0,0.15559981595281236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992558510443491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759537716503574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222914108191555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994834508131015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413071134405572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391148881771113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,brownthorne,2020/04/03,"Psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor? Who is best to see initially if experiencing PTSD symptoms? After an event three months ago it’s pretty apparent to me that whatever this is I’m experiencing probably won’t go away on its own. Just the thought of having to talk about what happened to me is pretty overwhelming, and ideally I’d like to find the right person straight off the bat, so I can relive this as little as possible. Where do I even start? Therapists can diagnose in my state FYI. Thank you.",4.99508064516129,7.386304784946238,6.072782258064518,72.22917338709678,71.04301075268816,10.241397849462368,30.97983870967742,10.411451182825502,3.8225709677419357,407,18,70,13,8,135,76,93,0.0,0.772,0.228,0.9697,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,5,5,0,1,4,0,8,2,0,0,0,7,15,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,6,4,14,13,2,15,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,2,6,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412899460811585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515739053956552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798665825982327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082884864880594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719542275790178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898499945708033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805061890231157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836838631547961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148025834086197,0.20818746343215228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579809417674776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137087331945206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341702251028945,0.0,0.4226466635197584,0.22395455315818108,0.0,0.24281059407932826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738957519019258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552392169578925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702348672299134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589797368190414,0.0,0.16695542549079728,0.0,0.19123832869151106,0.0,0.24117597992891476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490446032300707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,HeckinYes,2020/04/03,"I don’t know what to do about the little girl. A creative writing piece by me! TW: sexual abuse I don’t know what to do about the little girl. 
  I don’t know what to do about the little girl. The one who sits next to me, staring. The one who cries as I laugh, screams as I smile, and clings to my hip when I’m acting strong. She begs me to help her, most days. She wonders why I haven’t saved her already. Is it my fault? I really can’t say. The baby needs help, and no one is listening. 
  When I was a little girl, I have a stuffed animal. Her name was Special Flying Kitty. I held her close to me every night, her magical force field protecting me from the bad man standing behind the door to my closet. I talked to her when I wanted advice, cried to her when I felt frightened, and took her with me everywhere like she was an extra limb. And then I lost her. Part of me always thought I’d find her someday. But that’s the thing about big loss. You don’t know it happened until you already should’ve been done grieving. 
  That little girl, the one clutching my shirt and asking me constantly if we’re safe, thinks everything is a nightmare. She wants to be protected, but she’s always been forced to protect herself. In the face of unreal, pretend danger, like the trolls under her bed, and in the face of true, horrible danger. Like a man who lures her into his bed when the moon is bright and far away airplanes are the only sound. That little girl knows the feeling of a heart beating faster than possible, adrenaline begging her to run, run, run away. That little girl has felt big hands on tiny wrists, crushing pain of an adult chest on a child one, and the nakedness of vulnerability. That little girl knows betrayal. 
  And I just don’t know what to do with her. 
  She asks me why I scarred her beautiful body, why I sob when I have the happy life she’s always dreamed of. She tells me to move on from what was done to her. But I can’t. Because that little girl will never leave me, and I will never let myself forget her. I give that girl a piece of my heart, and I hope she can use it to heal herself.",3.101658130601791,4.474257373239436,3.9037003841229208,90.06748399487839,73.85915492957746,6.759880495091762,23.00298762270593,7.229369725052465,0.6781417840375585,1635,43,350,17,33,522,200,426,0.136,0.738,0.126,-0.748,0,0,0,0,1,0,57.0,0,2,0,4,11,22,2,0,28,0,33,14,11,1,3,49,60,25,1,5,5,0,4,3,0,2,3,4,4,14,19,15,0,5,14,2,0,6,11,10,0,5,14,10,70,12,48,42,5,45,0,4,2,1,59,22,1,4,18,234,89,0,0.0,0.08581968308068942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077938818394028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986029467605894,0.0,0.18080685176288108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542766501709594,0.0,0.13610387375627225,0.0,0.06047741774038087,0.044153672842617855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045525517356261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827290184716214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591255734775356,0.04671243407219329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824548926581138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061026804679334384,0.0,0.06509691324374811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036623627931233936,0.0,0.13909152116096735,0.0,0.06620123281586664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948305648837975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405108526191408,0.07710485799966348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166375187932412,0.09709884122821044,0.0,0.0,0.07194099005944522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27864585536307485,0.0,0.0,0.07669467865409088,0.0,0.07406628845615408,0.051160629533749086,0.10615936372016413,0.6533600430411901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906772243252247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698340078837679,0.0,0.053707164428349205,0.11172753606484384,0.0,0.07703190118910498,0.06797221424910255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454078656732616,0.055087547804532636,0.07707240211634027,0.0,0.0,0.07843643859128799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165582319676662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046401581572013774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760057000044848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058217831492569976,0.06330847084045035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812038209721964,0.04641128852425615,0.0,0.05750265410804033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047424883109798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255770574859544,0.0,0.0,0.08544414946441617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607494443859705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854905478051834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Zaoessss,2020/04/03,"Abusive father Over the years my dad got worse and worse, every holiday we went on was ruined because he’d eventually lose his shit for the smallest of things. As a kid I used to always sit in my room listening to the pathetic arguments that happened between my parents and I was so frustrated and upset. This repetitive cycle continued, until my dad got too bad for me and my mother to handle as we had enough. We told him to move out, he refused. We locked the door    so he couldn’t come in, and when he got back home he started banging on the door screaming, and then everything went silent for about 5 minutes. Then the window on the 2nd floor opened and I heard him shout so loud that children in other houses started crying. I called the police, they did nothing because he was a partial owner of the house so he could live there. He admitted to using amphetamine a month after. I lived with my mum after that, but now due to the corona virus my dad has lost his job, he has no money and is going to be homeless, but my mum still loves him so she’s letting him stay in our house from tomorrow. Fuck my fucking life. I hate him so fucking much, and I hate my mum also, how can she love a man who stole away the identity from a child and ruined my life. 
I struggle with bad dreams, constant anxiety and depression due to the trauma and now I have to feel as if I’m reliving everything that happened because my mum says he has changed and deserves to live with us for the time being.",6.469088983050848,5.9145491864406825,6.8406249999999975,78.8578866525424,65.61016949152543,9.680084745762713,33.01377118644068,9.017664075816787,2.6860550847457625,1170,43,228,17,16,381,166,295,0.222,0.726,0.052000000000000005,-0.9944,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,6,0,1,2,16,20,7,2,18,0,17,8,1,3,0,34,44,31,0,3,3,10,1,0,0,0,2,6,5,4,8,23,0,1,2,2,1,5,2,18,0,0,13,7,39,2,39,25,2,41,0,5,0,5,51,13,4,1,21,156,47,1,0.0,0.11936350509118974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056381923188953,0.08382591186619764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706781173359845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465098707462473,0.07746483940079699,0.16823172263567324,0.18423525806507346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286945626666777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657231070356753,0.08678082782699968,0.0,0.10886695898598836,0.0,0.08043476701176677,0.0,0.11066101340683099,0.0,0.0,0.08676945204707424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409403393903406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487998381667128,0.0,0.1810819023436656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093848453061153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27940472554899193,0.0,0.0,0.05725434006358498,0.0,0.2417191759219773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817269342671396,0.0,0.0,0.19892491746223506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105303985413483,0.0,0.0,0.34873029643280823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999714836877745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301613198582156,0.14231495257512145,0.0,0.0,0.26687267920031443,0.0,0.0,0.1127051982154379,0.10997244630057144,0.0,0.1818482559166449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041178059172313,0.10707343842438596,0.07405740112978543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666523983419716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186273300824527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011455744994499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034108291479893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261225878261424,0.10737820525026227,0.08045316890589485,0.0,0.0,0.10531803700392603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692890566900625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587438190505743,0.0,0.0,0.096263869628453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118094129799074,0.17401851791027706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677879530570932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533062810774816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487493014309667
ptsd,eggdar,2020/04/03,"Is it even possible to have PTSD without trauma? A few days ago I was diagnosed with PTSD... but I literally feel like I have no right to be diagnosed with such a serious condition. I didn't go through any violent trauma, no emotional trauma, and I don't even think the people who made me feel bad about myself were aware of how bad they made me feel. I feel like my case isn't even about bullying; I basically just got dropped by a lot of people and felt betrayed. I feel like I'm just a wimp who can't get over such a simple, harmless situation. 


I've always had anxiety, so I just figured my distress came me just being a very sensitive person. Honestly, it's still really hard for me to believe I might have PTSD. All I know is that I've just been feeling absolutely terrible and completely unlike myself. I don't know how I can possibly process my past experience and cope if I don't have past experiences worth processing. 


I'm in need of some advice and honest opinion.",4.881885213232367,5.786605502590677,6.4020725388601045,75.60553208449579,69.10362694300518,10.498047030689516,31.42646472698286,10.560738912317856,3.4389349541650063,774,32,149,22,13,265,114,193,0.19899999999999998,0.623,0.177,-0.8317,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,16,16,1,1,7,0,20,2,0,4,1,37,39,10,0,2,8,0,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,11,0,1,2,9,10,0,0,10,8,24,6,16,26,4,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,5,8,99,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103849570619774,0.1001338140538923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939932612231191,0.0,0.0,0.07681789308278403,0.0,0.08641546270004045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863675801046104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272692583197319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291981981933669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843829110832822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285101159562543,0.0,0.0,0.2293076847861659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706681324367708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238305973601295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099661907200452,0.0,0.0,0.3427012609493317,0.2420997831566681,0.10846103636229378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901787468379858,0.0,0.06419879034950178,0.0,0.0903458653744877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119157885761296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416169480550228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556227888723174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603607712900256,0.0,0.2137743602832199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983461150871315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375973841335133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566962723522276,0.15662696854420946,0.0986338807878418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25469489829471764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961388742104646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236621735304521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646875428282366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697378860567698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021143406432608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238135596237726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320530980531788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889113770981937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bombergirl97,2020/04/03,"I just need someone to talk to I don't wanna end my life, but right now I'm certainly contemplating it. I just want the pain to stop. I just want the nightmares to end. I just want the flashbacks and the fear to stop. I'm so goddamn tired of it all! I'm already falling rapidly towards rampant and firm denial. I keep saying nothing happened. I keep telling myself my childhood was normal, that I didn't actually exist until I was 6. I want to deny all the records, say they're all lies. I wanna say nothing ever happened to me. My head is all over the place right now and thoughts of self harm are flooding my head. The only thing stopping me is the promise I made to my sister. I don't wanna do it, I just wanna talk to someone. I'm scared, I'm angry, and I'm really really hurt. I have no one to talk to at home because everyone just ignores my problems. I just need someone to talk to, someone who can talk me down and help me think rationally, because right now I can't think clearly and my hands are shaking as I type this. I wish I didn't have this.",1.5274363992172226,3.5121831917808244,3.4022570123939992,89.2445205479452,80.09589041095892,5.44996738421396,25.95368558382257,6.42735559955562,0.9474699282452708,825,34,171,7,21,277,104,219,0.272,0.649,0.079,-0.9944,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,12,10,0,3,8,0,15,6,3,1,7,44,36,10,0,13,8,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,8,6,0,6,3,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,6,4,32,2,25,30,4,21,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,0,11,113,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0991285310289249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209730451646874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384582976502467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799414631534061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188594901502396,0.0,0.09706512425257667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430701410313347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965571810722733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850309402463696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808769116440923,0.0,0.1018941572513202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087447021551039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057995398595894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174975724547814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611852269545756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150642243662581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952794109267926,0.19493967054568015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883400360260228,0.07725702787954425,0.1080894858521115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613066191078953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719942395452054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015094786517442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602491936540419,0.0,0.24234417866224944,0.10170043354090164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597127411120832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34427745209608857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547791231519286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082353281241909,0.08878638624624985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748599001811678,0.1301781747180623,0.0,0.08064407163912878,0.0,0.11675256739965965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396607327935261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168132879717736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,takislover123,2020/04/04,"Fight flight freeze response - switching between them Has anyone experienced or does anyone understand this? 


A guy sexually assaulted me at the bar when I was very drunk and I froze. (Btw I froze in previous assaults as well, so maybe it's my default response) . When he stopped I went to the bathroom, and cried when I realized what happened. But when I realized it, I felt like I sobered up somewhat or ""woke up"". 


 An hour later he got aggressive and physically assaulted me, by choking me and putting his hands on my head and slamming me against the wall. Also he wouldnt let me leave. He wouldnt unlock the door and he was making me go home with him. 


I think I switched from freeze  to fight or flight because I fought back... I  tried running and hiding from him. I yelled at him and repeatedly said  ""no I dont want to go, I want to go home, let me leave please.""  Eventually he let me leave. I think if I continued to freeze, and didnt resist or be aggressive back, I would've got in his car and let him assault me more at his home.",3.5310294117647056,5.080978230392155,4.363872549019606,86.48492647058826,73.06862745098039,7.845098039215688,28.926470588235286,8.472884824447931,1.9898882352941167,805,33,168,14,16,259,111,204,0.20199999999999999,0.742,0.055999999999999994,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,2,0,30.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,9,0,6,0,12,4,2,1,0,30,29,23,0,5,6,0,7,1,0,2,0,2,4,1,4,11,2,1,6,2,0,7,5,9,1,0,10,10,37,2,20,12,2,27,0,0,0,0,19,9,0,6,12,107,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097212655464389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699971982410201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869465180541761,0.0,0.07410273758712886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352955547817674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637925263871073,0.0,0.1424691255156461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671806476807065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072585369279188,0.0,0.19444760846804504,0.0,0.0,0.12036495704429953,0.10749639741754778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475712821277048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658081670145311,0.0,0.11971355118857707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38614810144271855,0.0,0.4972193146497541,0.0,0.05938878894033039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114321834107525,0.0,0.12212482531629484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343797861343604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220284257595118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563278554171935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016308235350745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557833499764442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253225168451228,0.0,0.0,0.12654976672256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030093526164344,0.14340019705010001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092983512835751,0.11268869108504467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635377325661744,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Paul_215,2020/04/04,"How to help an s.o. suffering from PTSD Been seeing my s.o. for six months now. She suffers from PTSD from her past combat deployment and seeks help pretty regularly. They have her on antidepressants right now and for the most part, I thought they were working. They suppressed her appetite at first and its now changed her intimacy level with me and everything I do either leads to a fight or her needing to be left alone. She says I talk too much, yet she barely opens up to me at all. Only when shes buzzed or drunk will I see some form of intimacy or her need for me. She has some serious underlying issues that I want to help her with so bad, but I know I can’t. I really do love her, I wouldn’t trade her for anything this world has to offer. I just want to know if there are any helpful tips someone could give me in how to go about things and how to be there for her the best I can, even if she cannot verbally communicate it. I just am not sure what else to do.",5.579725902238464,4.9898835829145725,6.052389218821382,83.89182275011423,67.44221105527639,9.648423937871174,28.643672910004568,9.095868883498916,1.8918603015075368,759,21,170,12,11,246,123,199,0.083,0.792,0.125,0.9158,0,1,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,3,4,16,8,1,0,4,0,19,2,0,4,2,37,31,16,0,8,10,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,8,1,1,3,1,1,2,4,5,0,2,3,3,36,3,28,23,9,21,0,2,2,1,29,11,0,8,8,130,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574775428026841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339895051424754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512387563404387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695507533428468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595666876198967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084832898276716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139924320443392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701794067696576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042733505275547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366523875137495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293333227315111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585984323614173,0.08641329877752628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076626008047404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870029173715985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671249811957737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520234888977298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723071170888948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136455007233513,0.0,0.11177396025188864,0.22548572213390766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564058193635113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646549132282322,0.14514855991877468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468911875116967,0.0,0.0,0.3554757206294458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740687523058034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984953830367774,0.0,0.120915954697285,0.0,0.0,0.24232771049108026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288311432651465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330496036305956,0.0,0.0,0.12221171900338755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101500630355137,0.0,0.0,0.12071040823115672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936560186308845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069392881377764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,neighborhoodgays,2020/04/04,"I can't go into my backyard anymore TW: Dogs/Dog fights So, disclaimer I guess, I'm not actually sure if this is PTSD, but I do go to a psychiatrist and a therapist for depression and anxiety. 

TW for Dogs, Dog Fighting, and animal death (nothing graphic, but just in case) 

About three years ago, my dogs attacked a dog that had slipped through the fence. I was the only one awake at my home and I couldn't do anything about it. 

Long story short: it happened in my backyard, and now I go into a sort of panic mode when I hear dogs bark/play fight and I can't go into my backyard without becoming really on edge. When I do go out back I feel like something is going to happen, even when I'm out there alone. I want to get back in as soon as possible, and all I can think about when I'm out there is that event. 

This wouldn't be a huge problem if I didn't already have a case of social anxiety that makes me stay in a lot anyways. The backyard used to be a way that I could get outside without the fear of being judged, now I barely ever go outside, especially now during quarantine when I can't get to a park. 

It's just stressful. I'm stressed. People belittle me for hanging onto the experience (like I want to hang on to it /s) and tell me to get over it. Just go outside. 

I'm posting this mainly bc I wanted to talk about it or get a second opinion, but also: any advice would be helpful. I'm not sure where to go from here and I won't be able to see my therapist for another few months because of... everything.",2.7666666666666693,3.977826277070065,4.5067675159235705,86.05414278131637,74.44585987261145,7.398938428874736,27.414543524416146,7.937092434478242,1.6153995753715504,1177,45,250,17,24,399,159,314,0.165,0.7829999999999999,0.051,-0.9891,0,2,1,0,4,0,40.0,0,0,0,0,27,14,4,4,15,0,24,0,0,2,4,49,56,24,1,10,13,0,1,2,0,3,0,1,5,0,13,15,0,1,2,0,0,11,11,10,0,3,3,3,28,4,44,43,4,49,0,1,1,0,8,18,0,7,19,171,41,0,0.09771959744849283,0.0,0.09536023088832972,0.0,0.0,0.09549045966254734,0.08662252707496709,0.0,0.0,0.10120803226801313,0.10783600573613583,0.07814632677444155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645267721275551,0.1024675182534051,0.14951044915559358,0.0,0.096911582629774,0.0,0.0,0.08041490245079777,0.0,0.0,0.11117014935678833,0.0,0.15028067713423718,0.0,0.05956895960408955,0.10792361794300437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802114704660801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416574609245804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454287249925647,0.08839297044469689,0.0,0.0,0.08782407319068777,0.09558851722524986,0.0,0.10996171479480253,0.049409964615336234,0.06981089994250207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25527228219594805,0.0,0.4998266926108684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764915359434513,0.0,0.17282623459955132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013708836846768,0.0,0.06549938632901549,0.0,0.09802072380980237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548171861161632,0.0,0.0,0.08647876868551585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307770726483467,0.0,0.0,0.06522859010197887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799885038404619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376458926394628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621732823415838,0.07432015727328557,0.0,0.11465289274233513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677464648260016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016416348385656,0.0935883621639877,0.0,0.0,0.0935044574383042,0.1142289800934936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260167637880412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786986736751703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961282347965347,0.0,0.07522932026343075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041560888739317,0.0,0.0,0.2238749374343848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419912826254325,0.0,0.0,0.07854331087653586,0.08541123533558967,0.0,0.0,0.22691996875003098,0.0,0.06261477230058769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843983570731567,0.0,0.0,0.1729126512077661,0.07756526798175263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839640961676027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941719831518926,0.0,0.0,0.06292821689397703
ptsd,alyssa5100,2020/04/04,"Quarantined with boyfriend who yells at video games I'm under quarantine with my boyfriend, who is normally extremely sweet and understanding of my triggers and does his best to avoid them. However, we've been running into a problem lately. He plays a lot of video games (not a problem at all) and he tends to yell loudly when things are not going in his favor. Due to years of being screamed at/beat for hours on end, the yelling scares the hell out of me and causes me to panic. I went to him sobbing amd freaking out the other night, begging him to stop, and for a day things were better. But he has started getting louder and louder again and I don't know how to handle this. Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.",5.877689848121502,6.733500733812952,5.798800959232615,80.99629896083135,66.84172661870504,8.19216626698641,30.552358113509197,8.167268648758528,2.124073701039168,578,21,107,7,9,181,98,139,0.17300000000000001,0.695,0.132,-0.6693,1,3,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,3,15,1,3,7,0,9,0,0,3,1,28,17,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,6,12,0,2,2,5,0,3,3,9,0,0,3,6,11,6,23,11,3,22,1,1,0,0,12,8,2,1,11,72,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048943935974186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256332905868856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457355913730155,0.1724052645283935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002532179667759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571774927492232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059001883347594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265565007475228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184614063316737,0.0,0.1107867585107989,0.0,0.0,0.2149178947473922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197293123725367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107131860458921,0.0,0.21989657155242276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657278217750381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829344575669796,0.19099612806091507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287156783687161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139814552192449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730553133371369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516518492370769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797687526292796,0.0,0.0,0.16297542679484034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590139542787337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293550248836506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070784911232016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384771131662146,0.0,0.0,0.1255325484703206
ptsd,joskinny,2020/04/04,"dealing with especially raw emotions in the mornings Every morning I wake up just... super uncomfortable. I can't figure out if it's just ""sleep inertia"" or if it's a trauma thing... Not to go into specifics right now but I've had a lot of days where I have felt isolated, in danger etc where I was staying at the time. Whatever it is I just wake up super raw and insecure and afraid of not being good enough. This is regardless of how I felt the night before, or what my sleep was like. Sometimes it doesn't fully set in until I try to get up and get ready. It doesn't usually go away until I break down crying at some point during the day. It would be easier to deal with if it wasn't first thing in the morning, when my executive functioning brain isn't fully operational yet and I'm not thinking clearly enough to decide how to handle it. Anyone have similar experiences, ideas about what is going on, or tips on how to handle it? I'm really sick of dealing with this. My mind has healed a lot in recent years but having this lingering area of ick (which often bleeds into the rest of the day, making the rest of the day ick) is really giving my confidence a beating.",5.485347985347985,5.596634897435899,6.661904761904763,77.07000000000002,67.54700854700855,9.762637362637363,28.25274725274725,9.606745405546679,2.4032183150183157,922,27,179,18,14,312,128,234,0.133,0.764,0.10300000000000001,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,4,13,8,1,2,13,0,19,8,5,4,1,42,31,18,0,5,14,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,17,10,0,0,6,0,0,3,8,4,0,1,6,2,12,4,36,22,8,43,0,0,0,0,4,22,0,10,16,133,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918501651365061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983620205278984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853454907366276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238653179820895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401062574395774,0.32903343796825674,0.3944913263640099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434751196225944,0.0,0.2635838054974136,0.14225051618692772,0.0,0.0,0.10746528066181267,0.0,0.0,0.1247671030229546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244933508116369,0.0,0.0,0.10849285884111706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327786247209816,0.1223563351546879,0.21746659627065845,0.10698179783538986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398695672610684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062313851959602665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687468666967588,0.0,0.0,0.08513974750877197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878782669096975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969581432072347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057474863807804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634219262499602,0.0,0.1259389534041057,0.0,0.0,0.10892589266426354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552816277723966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261489254553145,0.0,0.0,0.13594994302902666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947537708401536,0.08172805660304401,0.0,0.0,0.07437467253824788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659719460736244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047687281976212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060693674478587,0.0,0.0,0.0821371807845944
ptsd,jusssst1n,2020/04/04,"Will I ever be normal again? I’ve been dealing with ptsd for around 4 years now. Honest to god, I didn’t think I’d make it this far when it first happened, but I’m glad I did because I’ve become a whole different person. I see things in a different light and have a whole new outlook on life. But I wanna know if anyone’s ever fully gotten over their ptsd? I’ve tried so many therapists, medications, everything under the sun basically. And my last resort would be the move out of where I live, (where everything happened.) I’m just tired of having triggers and it never stops. It’s an ongoing thing every single day and I just want to feel normal again. If anyone has any advice, that would be great.",3.5381363636363647,5.099892592857144,4.7979220779220775,83.33253246753249,73.07142857142857,7.376623376623378,22.72727272727273,8.00094639256281,1.1565,553,14,107,8,11,183,96,140,0.028999999999999998,0.845,0.126,0.8996,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,12,3,0,0,6,0,12,3,0,2,3,28,23,10,0,8,6,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,3,9,3,13,13,3,23,0,0,1,0,3,9,0,2,13,72,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057750336606413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087006925191167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686841546993924,0.0,0.0,0.1189552177344432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814569963397791,0.14757910512768954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617753238340163,0.1377622459392118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792208653358137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417442210785754,0.11258542914678676,0.0,0.24018835500854416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756517712529843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366196595557182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732282387480194,0.0,0.0,0.2363295590985439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343719902114383,0.1089227935075684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438379514940283,0.0,0.0,0.11799395556049745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919620319877251,0.13547550286346038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346138509551652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202298908619534,0.0,0.0,0.10306039011438813,0.12905654940159902,0.0,0.0,0.26184966094293777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667682122076704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124026229504137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648239524900906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171708212495546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514975573473902,0.17754997652555835,0.0856219633850197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358310366005876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072308989225188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881590955057036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29837668022450425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898477497898048,0.0,0.0,0.08605058015566891
ptsd,supercoolthrowaway-,2020/04/04,"Tips for female masturbation post-trauma? (Diagnosed with PTSD) I don’t know if anyone cares to read what happened to me, but here it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/prolife/comments/fs26ch/sometimes_it_feels_like_my_abortion_completely/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf 

Tl;dr: When I was 17 I was forced to abort a baby that I wanted to keep by my parents and ex-boyfriend. It’s ruined my sex life and potential romantic relationships 

It should be noted that I’m not pro life. Pro choice all the way, but I knew those people would support me. 

Since this happened to me, I can’t masturbate. I can feel dick and I can feel it when a guy eats me out, but when it comes to my own fingers, my vagina closes up and refuses to let it in. I get scared of the sound of the vibrator because it reminds me of my procedure. Has anyone had a similar experience or know someone who has? Thanks 

AND DONT TELL ME TO GO TO THERAPY. THERAPY SERVICES AT MY UNI ARE TERRIBLE + IM IN ROTC AND I CANT DO THERAPY FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME",6.521311475409839,9.0526621147541,6.25543169398907,71.94380327868852,67.19672131147541,8.814426229508197,26.95409836065573,9.3871,2.40861049180328,849,27,144,18,15,265,117,183,0.11800000000000001,0.8140000000000001,0.068,-0.9059999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,7,0,18,8,3,0,1,27,34,14,0,4,6,1,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,13,10,1,2,5,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,4,4,22,3,22,26,2,14,0,1,0,3,6,6,1,2,5,100,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058717558340949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973906100790799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604368032063135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391174924234454,0.0,0.0,0.12158815667414848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326419627689216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542665346222493,0.0,0.0,0.14443160492460067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807170501409782,0.0,0.0,0.14273927992940225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374500676180427,0.0,0.0802187515865142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397606110509622,0.24963681386641726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524661336211373,0.0,0.0,0.1254605331690401,0.0,0.0,0.1551446078335723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144335355049008,0.19939672372420292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673028072651438,0.0,0.0,0.09785558117992033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351826046533267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499670150092002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118811585174632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515421887789693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413156924002335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676067133440715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959586804804599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017525501488833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337125036008112,0.1299518810301136,0.4842517000409998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823056526793909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325387910525381,0.11203823545959396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002688524406587,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,p0Oferdogmam,2020/04/04,"Idk Today I was telling my mom about a bully at school and then she started fussing at me for letting myself have a bully. I was just fine with her fussing at me till she raised her voice a tiny bit. Then I felt like her voice was 1000 times louder and it scared me. I sorta got flashbacks or memories forced to the front of my mind of my parents beating me and yelling at me as a kid. My mind went blank except for the memories and then I started sobbing and shaking. Then she started to full on yelling and screaming at me for being a wimp cause I was crying. I can’t handel someone yelling at me. It just reminds me of my parents. I don’t wanna be that one person that self diagnoses themselves, but I sorta think that I have PTSD from childhood trauma. Any time someone even slightly raises their voice(even if it’s positive) I start crying and shaking. Idk. Someone please tell me if that sounds like ptsd or if I’m just over thinking it.",2.481903073286052,4.698120500000002,3.1705673758865287,90.93388888888893,78.04255319148936,5.028841607565012,26.933806146572103,5.82211442006289,0.8822153664302594,746,31,146,4,18,234,103,188,0.166,0.785,0.049,-0.9451,2,0,0,0,3,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,5,10,0,3,7,0,11,1,0,1,0,27,21,19,0,4,10,3,1,2,0,0,1,7,0,3,8,8,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,7,0,1,7,8,33,3,23,11,2,26,0,1,0,0,15,9,1,7,15,105,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963748149687413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143905851688966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540844400670904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895811743872133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378760160708936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741227225769828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656132249786706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105423040268722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478790570808608,0.0,0.1287945218209457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661874692929518,0.15437800164662974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893200211536773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927258715370787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150941832595838,0.0,0.14469128731971975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081651039206569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196798674758575,0.1334019738867252,0.0,0.0,0.13750989263883853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350546353676813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731921849337892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304210559495566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892112489480193,0.0,0.0,0.15372264888010845,0.0,0.12494348077781085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219213711790715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,16_oz,2020/04/05,"Has anyone became homeless through addiction and depression? I had a home, great job, car etc etc. But I was also abusing alcohol and was with a drug addicted wife. Long story but I eventually became homeless, lived in my beat up truck, did whatever I had to obtain vodka and stay drunk. After 7 months I found myself in a detox facility in Georgia and then made my way to a sober living place in Atlanta. 2 1/2 years later I'm sober have a great job, home but my past is haunting me. I cannot stop the constant flashbacks and sense of impending doom. I cannot be happy about anything. Everything I do feels like I'm preparing for when I lose everything again.....",3.148098958333332,5.450092195312504,4.518437500000001,81.66614583333336,76.265625,7.7041666666666675,27.072916666666664,8.59863814320734,2.246747916666666,523,21,96,11,12,173,89,128,0.161,0.735,0.10400000000000001,-0.7517,2,0,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,6,0,12,6,0,1,0,13,17,11,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,6,2,1,2,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,7,1,14,4,13,9,2,20,1,3,0,0,1,6,0,0,12,59,14,2,0.0,0.1704835916038203,0.0,0.3137180235389662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377236885854548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506707385545115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060974094255076,0.0,0.11840745306036778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554916652350134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239304074991723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686424231656455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209460095871679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25863427068780825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275402801718893,0.10279351968500508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776561743265002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31727375881459713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317130814298022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886625214910597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855730079982799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029634290451124,0.0,0.2541112423279083,0.12733623285949822,0.0,0.16097371612461595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615017716291553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484992127252122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735724863277907,0.0,0.0,0.15033219421561458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336531946721535,0.0,0.12029669822140213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421149000688872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265906767225464
ptsd,l0ves0ngs,2020/04/05,Anorexic - cut my hair and broke my fast :) Made myself eat after 8 days of not eating because I'm tired of drowning in misery. I am living with someone who is toxic for me but it is better than my abusive home. I made my own choice today and I might go back to feeling bad but thats okay. I cut my hair myself have been doing it for years but went a little shorter for MY comfort rather than a man who wants me to keep it long. Hair grows and so do we through hard times.,0.7615000000000016,2.7019241500000035,2.3520000000000003,96.011,82.5,4.0,19.0,3.1291,-0.6844000000000001,365,9,81,0,10,119,71,100,0.19699999999999998,0.688,0.115,-0.8537,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,2,1,8,6,3,2,0,16,16,7,1,2,5,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,5,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,4,5,15,3,13,11,1,13,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,8,55,21,0,0.0,0.2428627222007169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576136839928264,0.17114617272926932,0.12495130250755865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812843760314736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219238864734392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194826881262245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364188793243244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164924310410028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361799276631008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056073699149788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219184691249732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20543953054189704,0.18099732494191215,0.18139707086244372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879059837117437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744685751096035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367527087915965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952299654898313,0.2355894485162376,0.19429302488108005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089999630703795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001455529753536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319976497430849
ptsd,sporglorg,2020/04/05,"A discussion about online/Zoom therapy Hello everyone

I'm a psychology researcher as well as someone who sees a therapist and has recently transitioned to remote therapy sessions because of COVID-19.

As I'm sure we all know, telemental health— namely, live therapy sessions through technology/services like Zoom — has been on the rise in recent years, but is currently spiking because of COVID-19 and the need for everyone to stay indoors.

Many therapists are adapting quickly and transitioning to remote sessions via apps like Zoom, including my own therapist. This is fantastic and is working for a lot of people, but, as I'm sure other patients and therapists on this sub are experiencing, many important parts of our usual therapy is getting left behind at the office.

For example, my therapist and I usually make use of an Oculus VR headset or actual physical objects/things for my exposure therapy. Now, we have to do things verbally or by sending links of images/videos. Additionally, my therapist usually gets a close-quarters view of my reaction and state of anxiety during our sessions, but this is significantly more difficult over video call (webcam quality, lag, etc.)

If you're a therapist, I'd really appreciate it if you could fill out my survey: https://forms.gle/SkY9jkz7K8vBfkWs8. I'd love to understand this problem from your perspectives. This might turn into a research project at a later stage, but your answers from this survey won't be included there. My apologies if links aren't allowed here.

Otherwise, looking forward to discussing this with everyone and hearing your thoughts & experiences so far :).",11.283406593406596,11.348865454212458,10.687527472527474,53.16997252747258,55.63003663003664,14.979487179487181,48.80402930402929,13.816669648895859,7.539099633699635,1331,80,177,49,14,432,171,273,0.047,0.853,0.1,0.9327,2,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,4,4,0,1,7,8,0,0,12,0,17,1,0,3,3,41,33,22,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,11,14,0,0,6,1,0,4,2,2,1,0,2,5,16,6,37,27,6,27,0,0,3,1,18,11,0,7,13,122,27,8,0.0,0.0,0.07717053000338459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568298866482417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049587178481364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641268989335844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074937249280653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313882855536994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881949409173095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266925678913783,0.0,0.07735527135151836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826319195275594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405818675834194,0.08912874269754321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043460219588312816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592049265027725,0.0,0.0,0.07726884427871296,0.0,0.06982895980654696,0.0,0.06640716050848719,0.0,0.0,0.06723086386610172,0.07137265563120503,0.0,0.052786416545466515,0.1603491195678063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389122810553057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863670965197827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563577550158041,0.0,0.05482401361423304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756687402177413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066057936573114,0.0,0.15616363092935626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630164050575927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067004103588294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428860235136666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906365286413634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452173524079159,0.6427246382251632,0.05253714105761904,0.0,0.0,0.06278057069368416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601617269490701,0.0,0.0823249168139927,0.0,0.06829960336796415,0.2612858602700633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110228576757073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757107547799083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092483317875915
ptsd,1personhuman,2020/04/05,"What worked for you? I am 25 years old and the last 4-5 years have been a blur. Lots of good memories but I experienced a breakthrough when I was 21 in which I realized I had a lot of childhood ptsd from my parents and additional sexual abuse.

I feel like I just didn’t know what was going on inside me for years and years and then as an adult, I met my ex who was physically abused. He emotionally was extremely manipulative and we had a toxic relationship. I woke up to all of this thankfully, 

without insurance and access to therapy.. I have done my best to dive into my own self and happiness. I just need help though. 
Do any of you have resources or maybe online tools with more information? 

I’m interested in finding practical methods for remembering and releasing trauma. I don’t remember things all the time but I feel them in my body all the time. I would like to have some resources with information on how people usually release their trauma and memory patterns. I had a manipulative, overbearing mother with MPD (this is what my family thinks) 
And my dad left/got pushed away whatever, and I didn’t know anything about him until I was 21 and my mom opened that door for me to meet him. 
He has another daughter and wife now and had been taking care of them for 12 years of my life. I have been trying to “unpack” but I really don’t know how to rid myself of all the feelings that are stored in my cells. 

I feel bad for sharing so much of my story on here and not keeping it short. I thought maybe some background on my traumas could help people share any specific threads or books on abandonment, childhood issues and sexual abuse. I’m struggling a lot because of this pandemic too. Just overthinking it all and need to work on my mental sanity. Thank you so much",4.218509905254091,5.943305441860473,5.363772609819122,79.29965977605512,71.61627906976744,9.166063738156762,27.56632213608958,9.633347757342033,2.5803099913867347,1408,51,270,35,27,466,187,344,0.10800000000000001,0.762,0.13,0.7336,1,0,1,0,3,0,29.0,1,3,3,3,14,17,0,1,11,0,29,2,1,4,5,70,50,31,0,4,10,7,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,13,24,0,2,15,1,1,2,6,6,0,0,18,5,46,11,44,30,15,33,0,1,0,0,31,15,0,8,18,194,59,3,0.0,0.3557859234676349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613503225034235,0.10495753886167183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236903160047683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404183413721967,0.0,0.08357451013294387,0.061016520153573874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504273040093257,0.0,0.0,0.11118213690300907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205274943215208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991710654029087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024311603216506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259254858913195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435994207164976,0.0,0.2024426225857441,0.07150734563086734,0.0,0.0,0.09148432273570448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688586372216632,0.0839543002481451,0.0800545081546724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655218058176788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418211943109787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447238210024212,0.0,0.08896836028004397,0.0,0.0,0.16502753116766064,0.08159016565643397,0.0,0.0,0.10875268550642897,0.0,0.07069952241894735,0.09780198020385757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25528963238546243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20111623693799116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087145231475277,0.0,0.0,0.11722916508782227,0.0,0.0,0.14716156796526336,0.14843722253477573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503206806121597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114280905917537,0.0,0.0,0.1387854870678428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170048111016252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412293371920122,0.0,0.0,0.10746375540065728,0.2267745252519057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442012290239436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464023327904676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752584122033939,0.0,0.0,0.1843066576957544,0.11446648766010258,0.0,0.06649816595095727,0.06413634787954159,0.0983420833846942,0.07946364656397642,0.11673151349991573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795741914806888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102396650388823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648727626470777,0.0,0.14573959884538953,0.0,0.0,0.071104076823806,0.0,0.0,0.32228704679913656
ptsd,angel-advocate,2020/04/05,"It's been four months I still talk to him, and I don't know how to feel about it. He was my boyfriend at the time, (emphasis on, at the time) and I still love him.  I wish I could say I hate him, or that I don't feel lonely no longer talking to him, or that I don't remember the second time it happened.  Because that day was honestly really great besides those few moments. It was his birthday. It wasn't the first time it had happened. I blocked him on here, but he might still see this, and although I'm not Christian I pray he doesn't.

(TW detailed encounter {sexual assault??????})

I haven't slept more than a total of 6 hours in the past 3 days because all I can feel are his arm around my waist, I was half asleep, his best friend was in the room
I remember previously outlining where he could not touch, and then realizing he did anyway.
I remember pushing his hand away sleepily and mumbling no and I remember his hand going right back
I remember not knowing what to do
My heart in my stomach, unbridled fear
Every time I try to sleep, all I can feel is his arm around my waist  He's behind me
And realistically I know that's not true but for some reason my brain and heart do not work in unison so I am stuck jerking awake anytime l'm half asleep and feel something weird
I am stuck replaying those single few moments

And I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, because half of my friends just beg me to turn him in, and the other half is uncomfortable with hearing it
my best friend called me a burden for crying on her shoulder about those few moments
my new romantic interest is also uncomfortable so he leaves me on seen when I say anything 
For some reason it's been four fucking months and I'm just now processing what happened

And it shouldn't be this big of a deal, but I can't force myself to get better and I didn't know where else to post this, I tried r/sexualassault but you can't post there",3.775246052148368,4.8633900051413885,4.6009649283878105,86.82063946015427,71.82776349614394,7.819353654058022,27.0033969886155,8.192908349453996,1.544286742563349,1508,51,321,22,28,487,183,389,0.08900000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.155,0.983,0,2,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,0,5,23,20,4,1,10,0,34,17,15,3,4,61,62,27,0,4,13,0,9,1,3,2,0,3,1,0,23,17,2,1,18,0,0,2,18,8,0,8,15,14,56,12,35,42,12,46,2,1,2,2,33,19,1,5,24,224,79,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661649985520418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058246625801495935,0.0,0.06855036645461203,0.14831270521749965,0.0,0.0,0.07826487779337851,0.06405401968187671,0.0,0.15234019637139315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748404108306952,0.07367376166948329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299247072016494,0.0850605542764644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301957866644382,0.0,0.09150322631024063,0.10744566905239837,0.08588060179796132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958804892826648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018544408076963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373779754036704,0.2527196634700718,0.05951089447024871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085655413973972,0.0,0.0,0.19307652541315656,0.07701126484376923,0.04352180493147827,0.0,0.047342389833548174,0.0,0.0,0.09184063955030093,0.0,0.0,0.22099078691326185,0.0,0.0,0.08224338084802515,0.0,0.0,0.09388729623246027,0.19742630671111236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203559225209307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831221842615837,0.0,0.0,0.08820468494546782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04069710091700494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751832176617143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837015250149999,0.0,0.0,0.13298156470776834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045349473663688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952108997880185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956038810477116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336533062470286,0.17129645556430095,0.0,0.0,0.4718240735180264,0.07113936800289962,0.0,0.13249002978377886,0.0,0.0,0.06638082968615687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336206028834267,0.0,0.0,0.06412987288450521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957501639825975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086473697233093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428700408314134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311304492458844,0.09060854716636543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579307467556827,0.0,0.0,0.06064477579545668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CasualtyCDG,2020/04/05,"Stumped- any advice or direction? My daily fight against PTSD has been rapidly spiraling out of control.

I graduated high school in 2007, I worked my ass off through the recession saving up money as a security guard and put myself through police academy. When I got out in 2010 most of the major counties and agencies in my area were still on a hiring freeze. In 2012 I got hired as a Deputy and worked there for 5 years.

I transitioned to a state agency as a specialized unit lead -child crimes. I saw a lot of horrible things and started suffering from invasive PTSD thoughts images sounds and memories in February of last year. This past November it became crippling and I was terminated (that’s another story.) multiple times daily crying shaking puking. 

From September 2nd to the 8th i was hospitalized with a strange lung condition and was put in ICU and on a ventilator. All the x rays showed “severe pneumonia like symptoms”.

After months of going to regular doctors for my laundry list of symptoms,  denying my mental health was at risk, In November I was officially diagnosed with severe PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety 

I have tried working a few hourly jobs in that time but my rapid mood change, aggression, and breakdowns make it hard to even leave the house anymore- and now covid hits, stay inside- no doctors- no jobs- I WAS in the process of disabilities with the state, now all the doctors are focusing on covid and non-covid doctors have closed, suspended, or rescheduled disability appointments.

I have enough money to pay my mortgage one more time, not enough to pay that and my car note. My wife worked for the school district and hourly employees don’t get paid, just teachers.

Now with newly acquired medical debt, mortgage, vehicle debt, immunocompromised, and crippling PTSD, I have no income, no savings, no degree, and nothing to show for my life’s work.",6.865157657657656,8.729166840840843,6.617646396396399,72.33025337837842,65.27627627627628,10.234684684684686,35.79692192192192,10.411451182825502,4.1878129129129125,1510,73,241,39,24,474,203,333,0.177,0.809,0.013000000000000001,-0.992,10,0,0,0,1,0,45.0,0,0,0,8,8,11,2,2,18,0,15,12,2,3,2,38,25,22,0,0,5,1,2,1,0,0,10,1,0,1,7,22,0,3,1,2,7,6,7,5,0,1,13,4,24,5,48,11,9,46,0,1,1,1,4,20,1,4,18,153,31,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989220898036136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255680377310442,0.0964602285619406,0.14074520729858414,0.0,0.09123001679077697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731392149884756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317534810454,0.0,0.0,0.10104742123504304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336858422668666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37662535683568105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010188632238112,0.0,0.060758963810617884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806132344350221,0.0,0.052280412403871435,0.0,0.1471466697440514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240556318388545,0.0,0.0,0.09778177065146317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719318367185284,0.0,0.0,0.18118454137252116,0.1061448715502551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825730727144634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498466630394893,0.0,0.09740482728302943,0.0,0.0,0.0649757241424999,0.044941990192376616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820717011365348,0.0,0.0,0.061404480339318925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267091275125264,0.09270494955564502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342606773209012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826751994763159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062335252430256866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781549460249427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43012863846147054,0.1849520439976289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861989195595078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784652499066075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377289393098297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651114631198481,0.09804980456392948,0.07346386046764859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122703813337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111450741078304,0.0,0.0,0.07303030914271512,0.16092148207795398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245562019267326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33485148298112155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847793892259473
ptsd,throwaway937645,2020/04/05,"unsure where to post this (mild nsfw mention) I feel really stupid but I think I might be traumatized from hearing my parents having sex.. it's happened so many times, and I confronted my parents about it multiple times and they got mad at me saying it was their house too and that I was making them feel quilty for loving each other

but I think i might actually be traumatized from it I can't stop thinking about it, replaying it in my head, and I can't be intimate with my partner without thinking about it and having a panic attack 

I'm a grown adult and I feel like I'm not supposed to be traumatized by this kind of thing... 

I'm already depressed and all of this just makes it so much worse and I feel so guilty there are people who have actually been through trauma",4.426114081996435,5.668270732026143,5.1822578728461135,82.68197860962569,70.43790849673205,8.178015448603684,28.28817587641117,8.575989854853784,2.0369398692810456,614,22,119,10,11,199,92,153,0.268,0.67,0.062,-0.9893,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,10,10,4,1,2,0,15,3,1,2,1,29,32,13,0,0,5,2,4,1,1,2,0,2,0,2,15,10,0,1,8,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,4,6,19,3,16,22,3,8,0,1,0,2,12,3,0,2,4,88,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.28616144858423875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179966912583998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680229631846447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628425706726432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965434734607163,0.1047459096334915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726602634937175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965626547266354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504752133444203,0.0,0.16525226741155094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691806865315222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526829726216849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163150365902858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233097222368362,0.0,0.19574100921114865,0.14865045093223495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110829400437777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778313866651508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202788607936978,0.3256100343654603,0.0,0.0,0.1016483828241356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042217095109094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392902171838524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659872373459465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258153159575567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740832665567654,0.3757946845848347,0.0,0.0,0.17099150383180792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133719314064574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941909400138967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,heathenistic_animal,2020/04/05,"Waking up at the same time every night (TW seeing death happen. Graphic detail.) I’m no stranger to C-PTSD. I was officially diagnosed in 2017 after major trauma I dealt with at the hands of a mental health facility. 

I know waking up myself and the whole household screaming in my sleep, hearing sounds and voices relating to my trauma, and sleeping with the lights on for years well. I was finding my symptoms easing and being easier to deal with in late 2019 thanks to extensive therapy and working through them one by one but then my Mom died on January 1st of this year right after midnight. 

It was the simple call and “we regret to inform you,” no. We had went to visit her in ICU. ICU had become a normal occurrence in the infections she kept having but she always bounced back. 

When we walked in, she didn’t seem any worse than the times before... and then a nurse pulled me to the side to tell me it was bad bad. 

I still didn’t believe it, but while we were there they said they were putting her on a ventilator, and I decided to stay the night. 

Due to my moms infection and my slight germaphobia, I didn’t feel comfortable holding her hand or being in cough range. Even before the ventilator, she couldn’t respond more than panicked eyes that never looked directly at me and hoarse “help me”’s between breaths. I couldn’t get her attention even when I did try to tell her it’d be okay and to comfort her. Seeing her like that was crushing me. I decided to let the nurses do their thing while I wished everyone on my social media a happy new year. 

The nurses came in and out to add meds and such to help her breathe, kicked me out to put the ventilator in, but when I was allowed back in they never were gone for more than 10 minutes. I watched my moms machine, and it didn’t stop beeping since we had gotten there but that was normal when o2 levels are below 90. 

She started calming down some so I laid down to sleep. I was checking my phone one last time for the night when a nurse came RUNNING in. 
The machine hadn’t made a different sound or anything but apparently my mother’s heart had stopped. 

Within seconds the room got filled with folks providing CPR. A doctor came in and told me to tell her if I wanted them to stop. 

5 minutes passed, then 7, then 10. It didn’t feel like I though. I’m just sitting there in shock and unsure what to do. The doctor informs me her ribs are broken and if she does suddenly make it she’s gonna be in a ton of pain but at this point we were just torturing her. 

Blood was in her breathing tube. Her eyes looked gone. I told them to stop. 

I remember feeling super numb and floaty. I hadn’t slept in months. My boyfriend wasn’t answering the phone and I didn’t know what the fuck to do but it didn’t matter because I couldn’t think. 

Eventually I just allowed the numb to take over. I had hoped that numb would stay for a bit but starting around February, I started waking up every night at 12:23 no matter when I go to sleep. 

I know why it’s happening, but at the same time, I just can’t get it under control. 

Once I’m awake I can’t go back to sleep until daylight and it’s getting real old. No matter what I take I’ll wake up. 

Luckily my job has been shut down over the Covid stuff, but I’m worried about when I do have to work again. 

Has anyone else dealt with this?

And if you’ve read this far... thank you for listening.",3.239216713031148,4.794029622974968,4.050855015545739,88.41576105929201,73.83063328424153,6.973664975726831,24.50338187967055,7.594959193182576,1.0662953471881305,2650,81,550,33,54,848,311,679,0.133,0.7759999999999999,0.091,-0.9867,5,0,0,0,0,0,68.0,6,2,7,4,27,25,2,0,32,1,52,33,20,5,2,105,104,53,2,13,20,4,5,2,0,2,12,8,1,0,24,39,0,7,16,1,1,16,21,13,1,4,44,21,87,12,90,49,9,115,0,1,7,1,58,48,1,8,50,369,111,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508589502947515,0.0,0.0,0.045020061435030435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629042111435648,0.0678324221941738,0.054479127109298565,0.058934380203626735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271721774475042,0.11055286852743948,0.04035651133228068,0.07311560818729787,0.11266713128449443,0.07458769823549337,0.0,0.0,0.07227613020479111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760029140738633,0.2271545307950204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425188356960286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825200890314727,0.0,0.06719428014949952,0.06870788224241328,0.06916766221731607,0.0,0.13552240268086174,0.05793437131234084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055303805930216936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745243102266201,0.0,0.11155714920446096,0.06325945402118986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100422123040882,0.047295175094058235,0.0,0.0,0.06050800828885411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120326853466864,0.10376443185572116,0.0,0.07524896530225067,0.0,0.052948294288378266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170855415553265,0.07047393512944328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703703043704349,0.07461518019430577,0.07845044026975016,0.08874846041336176,0.0,0.0,0.06575415347525046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569589920066601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914970920897253,0.05396398281365568,0.07467945495137503,0.0,0.0,0.06769667882613074,0.0,0.06468652608313795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118707832214354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626425331843799,0.04419077239446165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735362022707986,0.0,0.066716684238924,0.0,0.0,0.23260717511092285,0.052842311001391466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102119105502285,0.06393891663652274,0.0,0.24850674999579295,0.12972905071429716,0.0,0.0,0.06946852810184499,0.07050364479331313,0.13458185479665666,0.0,0.07044427041213197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625828878930579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738733663062765,0.13310386530469787,0.0,0.0,0.0662205495641513,0.07535309131063718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499467910630317,0.05653668787418111,0.06297386536645475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550985633278208,0.06026839177055687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476350312205157,0.0,0.3312522247090105,0.06748524846354924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057569567071945,0.14112639901396856,0.05286950918246881,0.22139346616606773,0.0,0.0,0.0757861773073891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880988546048918,0.099552283784503,0.0,0.17359206084681286,0.12190098191756402,0.07570848181434227,0.0,0.04398208847409176,0.0424199748444719,0.06504375196365643,0.0,0.15441315353732765,0.0,0.0,0.12651890804237972,0.0,0.04494724296074027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03904802889703786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952411875457266,0.06137050515099177,0.0597375801964609,0.07391287684203574,0.0761297621201805,0.0,0.0,0.09639261232142733,0.06723198857343396,0.06746614009003488,0.04702845188301368,0.0,0.0,0.12789697764140506
ptsd,nitewoomon,2020/04/05,"Group Isolation I normally live on my own on the opposite side of the country. A personal choice because I get so paranoid living with other people. Just before the lock down, I came to London to see friends. I am now kind of stuck here. Although it has been ok....I am finally finding my paranoia and self hatred are rising. I have been drinking pretty much every night, so that hasn't helped, but it's difficult not to... especially when others have been. Also there is a man I am sexually attracted too here, which is really uncomfortable for me. 
I find myself getting angry about other people's behaviours. I want to lash out at one person on particular more than others over stuff that doesn't really matter. But I am controlling myself. Give or take a whine here or there. 
I am feeling a lot of self hate for what I am saying and doing. I am on constant dissociation most of the time. So I will say things that I do not really mean, but they are sort of a distraction from my true feelings. Although it makes me look like a heartless bitch. I am too scared to say or show how I really feel. 

I guess I am just feeling really shit and disgusted about myself. I kind of want to hide away but there is not really away of doing it here without others knowing. 

I hate myself.",3.236282991202348,5.331012701612902,4.9362023460410605,79.75043988269796,75.20967741935483,8.057478005865104,24.579178885630498,8.841846274778883,2.0128645161290333,1002,33,185,22,22,339,140,248,0.237,0.6859999999999999,0.077,-0.9936,0,1,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,1,20,16,6,2,10,0,26,2,1,3,1,39,46,18,0,3,13,0,4,1,1,1,0,3,0,5,16,6,1,1,8,2,0,2,6,10,0,1,5,9,30,6,31,40,5,19,0,1,2,0,13,11,2,7,7,152,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948447035829114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102629574420589,0.0,0.0,0.0682117384141692,0.0,0.09521661602232546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798104463330495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092155333821172,0.12550267333831172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096170482193441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427855417321944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22631515499312424,0.0,0.0,0.12257835137863055,0.2045447585584672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645180824955298,0.0,0.11692375527970494,0.10734237421869923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326782193758648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209514276990589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500260263495835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330482624380877,0.0614959946301542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466751523408975,0.0,0.19761526186340064,0.0,0.09396580193837566,0.0,0.0,0.09513133809388843,0.0,0.0,0.0746925169540109,0.0,0.0,0.1218892903951104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225761116333975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500831752588467,0.10963588997054716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582470974838887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515141335047547,0.19540933660037604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384008719703928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301068074869957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669563884786452,0.11202901837650264,0.0,0.08916789983443768,0.0,0.23346720169115814,0.0,0.11486127847271532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809598082791773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841330694337039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743397933781222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524839046462677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200020739072846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786529340412453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Aishaxo1,2020/04/05,"My dad traumatised me as a child, and I still fear it aged 22? So my father when I was younger, (aged 11-15) when he was feeling ill (maybe a cold, or a flu, or any minor generic ilness) would wake me in the middle of the night. And he would be crying his eyes out, saying he is going to die, and that come and say goodbye to him before he dies. And he would call me from his room, and be helplessly calling my name like a dying animal. I would then go to his room and soothe him, (my mum was useless and would just say leave him, he is attention seeking etc) and He would say he wants to see his Dad (who died over 20 years ago) and he wants to go back home now ,( my dad is an immigrant). 

As a terrified child, i would DREAD bedtimes, especially when he was feeling ill. I would often be awake for nights on end shaking with anxiety when he came in from work-he worked nights as a taxi driver. I would often be awake from 2,3 in the morning and then just stay awake unable to sleep, and go to school at 8am, no sleep no breakfast nothing. 

This happened about 5/6 times across age 11-15. At 16, my parents divorced whicj obviously cured the situation. My dad is a great person homestly, he supports me, provides everuthimg i need as a daughter etc. He is always there for me. But recently he has been feelimg unwell again and when i saw him today and realised he lives on his own now and will be alone for the night, I wont be there to suffer anymore. It felt good, but also brought back horrific memories. I check my phone at night for last 2 days to see if hes liked called me in the middle of the night or left me a scary voicemail.
Why did my dad do this? I would never ask him just because i dont feel comfortable.The next morning he would always act like nothngs happened? 

Why would a person do this?

Thanks all",4.163603603603605,4.607563391891894,4.869527027027028,87.60924549549551,70.48648648648648,7.896396396396398,27.038288288288282,7.793537801064563,1.3423693693693697,1405,43,306,16,24,453,191,370,0.124,0.813,0.063,-0.9553,1,1,0,0,1,0,53.0,0,0,0,1,21,13,0,3,18,0,36,8,4,0,3,54,58,34,4,16,9,9,4,3,0,14,3,4,3,4,7,19,1,0,5,0,1,9,5,6,0,0,10,13,39,7,36,28,4,59,0,3,4,0,52,17,0,6,35,185,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603457072210429,0.0,0.0,0.07050672024816015,0.0,0.05444075017401803,0.11329019824349475,0.0,0.0,0.046294352503302764,0.0,0.05207833398477136,0.0,0.0675135924705008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364233518191614,0.0,0.0,0.104693248391082,0.0,0.041498800798312835,0.0,0.05792808500214287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085411449908264,0.07786137695171648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05864187438812609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477883549120876,0.043903708832466345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826106245879711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978514765034203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060295570298395364,0.0,0.15184657905902996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660498568447584,0.10326456728393603,0.0,0.06536411308259213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547577686111541,0.0570993359403413,0.0,0.07505457843698726,0.0,0.0,0.12039964320405695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828627725789872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549143122478413,0.0,0.07208318100968268,0.07396531334061204,0.0,0.0,0.09977621348968464,0.0,0.06011279420106519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839199148844882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504778600411932,0.052504791383583216,0.0,0.07240012702808378,0.3833110856709205,0.0,0.06532123504693532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755908937727496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888354295372985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672173281239924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21654865169093487,0.0,0.06889704954465738,0.10849630866656196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652083508794437,0.1362513223604784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256048809376754,0.05436597856051235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725240222073566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267569220817777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039695952943776924,0.0,0.06452855932057076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803065636384066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285690010886627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912100142204848,0.0,0.0,0.5803150843671101,0.0,0.0,0.043839032187778806
ptsd,oh-hell-n-o,2020/04/05,"I’ve been having nightmares about my abusive dad every day for the past 2 months. How do I stop this? No matter how much I try to think about pleasant things before I sleep, it still happens. They’re very anxiety-inducing and always involve trying to run away and being chased down. I usually wake up right before I get caught/beat up. I didn’t last night. 

I’m not sure what to do. He’s no longer part of my life but it feels like he still haunts me. Has anyone experienced anything like this before?",2.2216000000000022,4.524677960000002,3.0599999999999987,90.935,79.4,5.6000000000000005,20.0,6.742157984588678,0.2519999999999998,396,10,80,4,10,125,77,100,0.122,0.779,0.099,0.1353,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,7,3,2,2,1,11,12,5,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,9,4,11,9,2,15,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,11,46,15,0,0.0,0.21515024480380174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510944693282596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696946486052213,0.0,0.14943017256308158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060644310394055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635500722024913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710823514186648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299441217940132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181556295890522,0.12972539302121125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948714231232242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057629414796587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801718918619364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282598766783316,0.17742793007158436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449405684442806,0.0,0.13348693112215526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704065781948981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664042511771074,0.1733448092623176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550738323731696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817175851619823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900303400460801,0.15181439942660002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114307599317344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063796575122608,0.11635326220285745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24657055383370105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999181549150485,0.14982783489319607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,adricll,2020/04/05,i don’t know what to do i cant stop having nightmares about something traumatic that happened in 2017 and then again in 2019. i won’t go into details because it’s hard for me but i don’t know if that qualifies for ptsd? i don’t know and i’m scared and i cant talk to anyone because of quarantine. i just want to stop being scared all the time thinking that event will happen again. i don’t wanna be scared anymore,1.7860227272727265,3.6257010113636414,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,78.6590909090909,5.763636363636365,23.5,6.6274283507984215,0.6068136363636363,331,11,71,3,8,108,55,88,0.18100000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.063,-0.8973,0,1,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,12,0,0,0,1,16,21,6,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,0,1,9,0,11,17,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,7,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965803931473233,0.1385996214109535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416654269920316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265265957175888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505695420695097,0.0,0.17756565851966924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32680861416461465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317078847157106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5953566319568798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152598987162218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314406075251613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932125461397864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270109951944798,0.0,0.0,0.11558333293336345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691494464056483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ruecypress,2020/04/05,"How do I accept this? (loss) I'm in an outpatient trauma focused group therapy right now, 4 days a week. Last week, we were going over radical acceptance (a DBT skill). I can accept most things. Even most parts of my past... but there's one thing I don't think I can ever accept... I want to. I want to be able to not obsess, be depressed, or want to give up daily. I want the flashbacks and nightmares to stop or even not be as frequent.

I was in an abusive relationship years ago, and I got pregnant. I was afraid of what he would do and hid it as long as I could, while I was trying to figure out what to do. When he found out, he hurt me, and I ended up miscarrying a week later. 

The biggest thing for me is the trauma of losing my child in that way...

I didn't remember why I had miscarried (I knew I had had one, just not why) until October. This man stalks me every few years over the summer. This past summer, he showed up, and was bolder than normal, and it caused the memories to resurface. 

Now, it feels like I am dealing with this like it just happened. Even though it has been years... I know acceptance would help me cope with the feelings the flashbacks and nightmares cause. Acceptance would help with the grief.  

I just don't think I can accept this... It doesn't seem possible.",1.839767441860463,3.940010697674417,3.1161953488372087,91.10206046511631,79.62015503875969,6.143503875968992,20.78511627906977,7.24861992348623,0.5212016744186054,992,27,210,13,25,321,135,258,0.10099999999999999,0.731,0.168,0.9111,1,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,1,0,0,3,13,18,0,2,13,0,29,0,0,3,1,55,46,18,1,9,9,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,17,13,0,1,17,1,0,1,7,9,0,2,13,2,28,9,30,26,4,38,0,5,0,0,13,12,0,5,26,150,45,0,0.1160502976506828,0.1375006260309546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287158679304716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384312464259677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265671957540593,0.0,0.0,0.07484284138310376,0.1196427611263842,0.09995395131636614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278611816524932,0.0,0.0,0.22995038130555584,0.10497413822996972,0.09777738097899603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735703482695654,0.08290635582959367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724316140382952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132602012423616,0.06595405853504188,0.0,0.09281602442769732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262289495050518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557213655993318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423424384440188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377820861133761,0.0945964816122033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133926270103328,0.0,0.0,0.10270086153095843,0.0,0.12983059855461113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370465188642613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727737018682458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567116333674053,0.22156628094493264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082927372350955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459458906534222,0.13146236458472235,0.09910632010562953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564783243682033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702324522431613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327136292472831,0.0,0.23129598335834198,0.14872068965783494,0.11401882822225147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879053436320796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737978892556241,0.09211532457838838,0.2792656461879997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943468632126414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473164054160287,0.0,0.0,0.22419776048572115
ptsd,Stripy142,2020/04/05,"Invalidation, guilt, shame I know that everyone’s reactions are different but I feel ashamed that an experience that was non violent and happened once can effect me in such a way. I don’t feel valid and I feel like a fraud in comparison to others. I can’t talk about it fully because it’s triggering, so I can’t get any validation about whether or not I’m being pathetic or a baby. It has built up and been interwoven with other abuses to become a bigger issue but I feel like I blow it up or I’m looking for a reason to be affected when I should just be tougher.",4.146978260869567,5.09793390434783,6.3310326086956525,75.27567934782611,70.82608695652175,9.923913043478262,30.02717391304348,10.125756701596842,3.0470217391304337,449,18,89,12,8,159,76,115,0.20800000000000002,0.688,0.10400000000000001,-0.9267,1,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,3,6,0,12,0,0,4,0,22,22,11,0,1,8,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,5,10,2,11,16,0,7,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,3,3,62,19,0,0.0,0.264114602961142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158799556261338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135885257944144,0.2461891018396029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328958899446637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300223788668385,0.0,0.21805098504288126,0.0,0.0,0.4508445896244964,0.3184971572123433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646246683752833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197120594552594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326625076946324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225067603776885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780736223566552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18719017475842814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373943049700237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22919095160405986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916844828547998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693739352270832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,elbowe21,2020/04/05,"Do the dreams ever stop? Or do you sleep through them I used weed for years to stop them. It stopped working. Now I'm on mirtazapine, lorazepam and fluoxetine. The lorazepam is short term ish I guess. 

Drinking to sleep. I tried not drinking but the dreams were worse. I just wanna sleep. Maybe wake up once but sleep for more than a couple hours. 

I wish I was a new person. Why is it so hard to forget? 

I ask yall just do they ever stop and how?",-0.1251648351648349,2.199570769230771,1.144395604395605,99.32560439560442,94.05494505494505,3.67912087912088,16.89010989010989,5.369823440869387,-0.7994351648351641,344,9,78,2,13,108,61,91,0.179,0.728,0.09300000000000001,-0.7379,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,3,1,7,0,0,0,5,0,7,7,5,2,2,20,12,7,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,12,0,10,10,2,14,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,11,50,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414526500258686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877071306145818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811342571857105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595927131045879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807216175890548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285402783840955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413103101725591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415658690159974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858507001161366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281385834701586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529132006540522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5743808643336136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4798615713675145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742136933526184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393066091097164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294788396386747,0.0,0.1650082448748616,0.0,0.0,0.10446358516760312,0.0,0.14623018717915046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240387822786147
ptsd,petkachu,2020/04/05,"How to deal with arising sexual abuse memories? T/W!! T/W: sexual abuse 

In the last year I began having flashbacks of being sexually abused by a certain man that is no longer in my life. 

I have no idea how to deal with these memories that keep coming up, as I write this im in my room crying and hyperventilating because I just don’t know what to do or why this happened to me.

I was only around 5 when this shit happened and now I’m 16 and I feel like I don’t know my life. I don’t remember most of my childhood because of the trauma that I now know I went through. 

How do I face this? Anything I can say in my therapy sessions to help myself? I’m reverting back into my eating disorder ways to gain some control over myself again. 

My depression is getting stronger and I’m scared and need advice.",3.371545454545455,4.426463078787883,5.148257575757576,82.64238636363636,72.75757575757575,8.166666666666668,27.68939393939393,8.59863814320734,1.9455757575757584,628,23,130,11,12,215,98,165,0.20800000000000002,0.716,0.076,-0.976,0,0,0,0,3,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,10,6,1,1,3,0,12,5,2,4,1,28,27,11,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,9,10,1,2,6,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,3,2,22,2,22,23,2,21,0,1,0,0,6,9,1,3,10,87,31,1,0.0,0.5012439322365166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779954116608334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604443731651093,0.12553444506565695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843286558891914,0.0,0.17192451120651608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214730955649974,0.0,0.0,0.1581618228067198,0.0,0.0,0.15489983436992746,0.0,0.2907633212623695,0.12145717210313825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161694950162164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429492664018825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130210156163068,0.10074210569792873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367522050544126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494005779576404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945202841696908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919028996918674,0.15232185211443233,0.0,0.0,0.1253418075587835,0.0,0.0,0.23249668745617846,0.11494714312152947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199208030936843,0.06889346360320382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045618336841904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724928550811738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974403042771693,0.0,0.0,0.1121418582531296,0.14118196276115688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475125262219596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126448124997805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193221161654927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307235654453306,0.12724531849859708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908099033666175
ptsd,SaturnisLezbean,2020/04/06,"Why does this trigger me? My dad threw a crumpled up paper towel at me when I was playing a video game. He was just messing around and everyone in my family messes around like this. But it just really made me snap for some reason. I swore at him and my back tightened up a lot. When my mom scolded me, I got really emotional. I know I was overreacting now but it just was such an immediate reaction. It just made my back rigid so quickly. Why would this small, dumb thing trigger me?",1.8665625000000008,4.207852531250001,3.641500000000004,86.05350000000004,80.97916666666666,7.173333333333334,23.141666666666666,8.238735603445708,1.5102241666666665,377,13,76,8,10,126,61,96,0.07,0.882,0.049,-0.6077,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,14,6,1,1,4,0,5,0,0,5,0,20,10,7,0,1,6,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,4,0,0,8,0,16,2,8,1,2,15,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,2,7,58,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702337272046203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31979672158877404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197576821979053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23391231821641625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19870221220849585,0.0,0.0,0.19603386790088925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631416395473556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428219975084407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159237090867572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767890518398073,0.0,0.3935288444921129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435449424662401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664322686544777,0.21380408747688587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815070668210988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37527953791833707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477195396401218,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,1johnkillbride11000,2020/04/06,"anyone else hate having to say ""I love you"" to their abusers ? *repost cause I forgot something*  

my main abuser was my dad , but my mom , sister and grandma all physically and psychologically abused me too . at least in my family .I never viewed them in a good or safe way , and a lot changed after I found out I was traumatized . I've never felt connected to any of my family nor have I ever had anyone there for me growing up and generally feel very uncomfortable and anxious around family members especially these ones . I'm only calling them family for short , but we aren't a family and I hate having to refer to them as that . anyway , does anyone else freeze up and get a lot of anxiety when they have to say I love you to their  abusers ?...",3.173496503496505,5.357789986013987,5.03846153846154,78.53153846153849,75.71328671328672,8.036363636363637,22.88811188811189,8.841846274778883,1.7955286713286709,580,17,108,13,13,198,90,143,0.20199999999999999,0.6829999999999999,0.115,-0.9392,0,0,1,0,4,0,19.0,1,2,6,0,6,6,2,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,4,27,18,13,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,10,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,6,6,24,4,20,12,5,15,0,0,1,2,17,8,0,3,5,82,26,0,0.0,0.509242454681365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306964675093189,0.0,0.08219891329882649,0.12138785266716196,0.0,0.2253944982055945,0.22019033159877796,0.0,0.09565323115293096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971840677130422,0.0,0.0,0.11038069126260096,0.11366779373286764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403017036392024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952128160174785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971946262598401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.506471223508048,0.0,0.054329920356100514,0.0,0.10316879694542076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178133178828506,0.0,0.0,0.056138161072558784,0.0,0.0,0.09012391536474933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216914916407212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270020042333465,0.19395553974342966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584407613937024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165744042271942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281086309539568,0.08172052453276164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089701689118925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272021666429519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865745712976435,0.0,0.08528876441535045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,monkeypuppybaby1,2020/04/06,"I'm having a hard time getting past when my neighbors house burnt down. Monday night my husband and I were wide awake and couldn't sleep which never happens. My 6 month old was passed out in his room for the night. I was hungry so I went downstairs to get a snack. I saw that my motion light was on so I looked outside and decided it was the wind so I went back to my bed and closed my eyes. At 10:50 my husband and I were laying in bed and we heard a bang. We just figured it was the ass up the road doing fireworks again so we ignored it. My phone was on silent. 5 min later for some reason I rolled over and looked at the screen. My neighbor  was calling. Turns out the house next to me was on fire. Flames were shooting out the front windows. I ran down to my son and grabbed him. Ran to the car put him in his car seat drove to the backyard. My neighbors house is on my driveway so I couldn't get out. My husband put the cat in a laundry bin and put him in the trunk. We parked in the backyard and watched their house burn. Took ten min for fire trucks to arrive.  Only one of the neighbors made it. His brother didn't make it, they found him at least an hour after the fire started. His body was in the driveway for hours, police said to try to look away. He was in the room on the couch where the fire began. I was sitting in my car thinking I'm going to watch my house burn tonight. I have a tree that hovers over his house and touches mine. Plus my wood deck is under it. All the houses are very close. The wind was blowing ambers on my home.  We went back in our house at 3 am. A police officer said he would stay and watch my house all night so I didn't have to worry. The house was still smoking at 8 am and kept catching fire.  All that's left is a frame and some walls. Most of the roof is gone. My house is safe we are all safe. All i could smell was smoke outside and  see his house sitting there all burned up. I don't remember much of grabbing my son and running with him because the adrenaline was so insane. I'm thankful we are ok and my house is too. 
This happened almost a year ago. I still think about it daily, yes the house is gone and lot has since sold. I just can't get past it. I smell smoke and run around my house trying to find the source. Im glad my son was to young to understand, I'm also lucky he stayed asleep as I ran through my house with him in my arms. 
I just hope I can get passed this at some point of my life.",0.8647092825569516,2.771924739884394,1.8385537798934628,100.00646038762328,81.94797687861269,4.455944690014736,19.039669046809475,4.917830243036367,-0.6790817862405079,1896,46,451,5,51,592,235,519,0.046,0.903,0.051,0.5859,0,0,2,1,0,0,47.0,8,0,2,0,22,8,0,0,34,2,45,8,6,3,7,73,88,30,0,5,3,7,9,0,4,1,1,3,15,0,14,36,1,4,9,0,1,24,7,1,0,2,40,25,71,7,65,44,13,103,0,0,10,1,41,46,1,8,29,284,85,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042170474911917374,0.0,0.04763735294439722,0.0,0.0,0.038044003378567295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04234993635693258,0.0,0.0,0.04469627317055508,0.0731611941931759,0.0,0.02899997727310858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284272907153091,0.0,0.0,0.0485772146736979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03798306208823162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043480737241384064,0.0,0.0,0.05216119156874825,0.0,0.0,0.12427429371502448,0.0,0.027036755799115318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413705575680118,0.0,0.04261594325385035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771946298324757,0.04725058964324985,0.09369937945058768,0.8782831931050942,0.0,0.0,0.05138685831958233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168805759715615,0.0,0.03360212182223266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984767654431755,0.0,0.0,0.04044474905378022,0.0,0.04501459563041727,0.03175525715215677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037972207396260234,0.0,0.03497152997029521,0.0,0.03669112667263205,0.0,0.050594282195980084,0.13393173488327886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991971975878814,0.0,0.032236604880114955,0.0361813079527273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082736626501252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497173483706117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434716087207309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891282901675721,0.0,0.0,0.053890782872186266,0.0,0.09050537839558988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037909414549569205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039352765972735904,0.0,0.04760722208683084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03367231907994812,0.10141268977249454,0.07598350373292061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04379870296607219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609655426499425,0.0,0.0,0.02774012046272721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052855204039102065,0.06459770586303026,0.05174561680689964,0.0,0.049525030766324564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03925259629766256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230156888172534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831255418988406,0.0,0.033794398741944044,0.0,0.0,0.030635365665128988
ptsd,throwawylightsaper,2020/04/06,"Anyone else have a voice or voices? I was badly abused by someone and no I Constantly hear “rape” or “I’m gonna rape you” 
It’s 100% in my abusers voice and it sucks.

Anyone else like that?
And if so how do you deal with it",-2.1228061224489783,-0.3518942244897936,0.2844642857142876,103.93241071428578,103.48979591836736,3.266326530612245,12.247448979591837,5.148860815047168,-1.531512244897959,169,3,43,1,8,56,37,49,0.395,0.565,0.04,-0.9718,0,0,0,0,2,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,8,7,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,5,1,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,3,2,25,9,0,0.0,0.5336714214164001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149425874480678,0.4615062478245037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804001792197714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433708054356627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23218047886606044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762662623517689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25382678908067186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002568893962852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908187634460392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cmhr_rl,2020/04/06,":( I found this reddit page so I'm going to post here and see how it goes. I have hallucinations. Really bad ones. I have PTSD so I comes from that. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. My parents won't let me get help. This toxic girl is in my head all the time. Whenever I see her sitting across the room just laughing at me I have a panic attack. It's this endless cycle of her killing me and choking me. I really need perfessional help. But, I can't get in touch with my counselor who was my rock. I don't even know her last name. :(",-0.4072271386430693,1.8137899292035409,1.9674690265486736,94.37450737463129,92.18584070796459,4.7832448377581125,17.267846607669618,6.42735559955562,-0.2168425958702067,414,11,94,5,15,140,77,113,0.21,0.7,0.09,-0.9402,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,3,0,9,1,1,1,1,13,22,6,1,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,4,0,1,2,4,21,2,8,18,2,12,0,0,2,0,9,5,0,0,3,59,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264046832387895,0.0,0.0,0.16616656262909935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714310670568201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314454346608597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006263592547014,0.14217408881381413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820619600700167,0.0,0.0,0.20795093116131505,0.0,0.2262060147732463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424354918644785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667868649984922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201771002733592,0.0,0.10937169538764804,0.1622212005778091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035030763431032,0.0,0.09722712608750404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475647478853224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348555642905425,0.0,0.0,0.23349749922913304,0.2209790821738312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059831810220465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326341756702714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549841444446148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31717331958613043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682778540152396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604539660428913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kfaddler,2020/04/06,"Why Reaching Out to Individuals who Suffer From Mental Illness is so Crucial  

The effects of quarantine  for an individual suffering from mental illness or chronic illness could be devastating.

 The isolation, change in routine, lack of structure, loss of social  connection, maybe the loss of a job, the economic pressure are things we  are all facing right now. The fear and terror is being shoved down our  throats at every turn. However, these can be huge triggers for  individuals with mental illness. The stress can also be triggers for  those with chronic illness. Now, more than ever your friends and family may need you to reach in. Send a text, make a call- form a connection. 

If you want to help your loved ones who are struggling with mental illness- Reach In

 “Some days when symptoms are high, it can be complete paralysis.  Getting out of bed alone may feel totally impossible and when it’s  finally achieved it might be a huge accomplishment. Leaving us  completely drained and any social interaction feeling like pure torture,  especially if we have to initiate it. When self criticism and self  doubt are that high, feeling like a burden and reaching out seems  absolutely ridiculous and completely rude and totally out of the  question. It may feel like standing in front of a class naked giving a  presentation. Imagine your head rapidly swirling with every negative and  toxic thing anyone has ever said to you, while having bricks around  your feet. “

[https://thesoulintheraw.wordpress.com/2020/…/28/reaching-in/](https://thesoulintheraw.wordpress.com/2020/01/28/reaching-in/?fbclid=IwAR0bzxPNrXDnnn7SRuJqAmYLks5j7fj_vLLR8EgVETxvMtoFZNYe_6Mo65A)",11.752581176470585,14.432363844000006,8.69489411764706,58.917329411764705,54.56,10.362352941176473,39.50588235294118,10.46071229359064,4.730903529411764,1371,62,171,28,17,393,153,250,0.251,0.638,0.111,-0.993,2,3,0,0,0,0,55.0,4,7,0,5,10,19,3,6,16,0,24,14,4,4,6,50,37,18,0,6,3,0,4,3,1,4,9,1,1,2,12,20,0,0,8,0,0,2,1,14,0,1,1,5,11,5,33,25,7,30,0,4,0,1,26,16,0,11,14,127,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999910344460527,0.0,0.0849342259704668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222484965955715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426286413417743,0.0,0.0,0.09454733321785493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084498938520258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235361984811043,0.0,0.3340701271257979,0.0,0.0,0.08479817295646623,0.0,0.0,0.06849515326293051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214181487046175,0.1789690656324075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001231280053895,0.11951314307374905,0.21480713287751205,0.2276243169317087,0.0,0.11634529827795145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205577334282857,0.0,0.05548911790213152,0.1018840635877181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899969832561086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118875459690807,0.22442844439732595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053947127518911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124585749640964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566309126751982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095856558239272,0.0,0.07089443663100464,0.0,0.10669986804153972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281293570329109,0.11266954159886952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875163287684495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196905793964968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897688406008515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907007598791225,0.1010278043520025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668746323532908,0.22159550127227295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165306651814172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216605137440386,0.11103130460970877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039042315939963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111929777523066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552343393320115,0.0,0.0,0.12775473593043596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264402861067966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583589207095028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Littleoldmeptsd,2020/04/06,"Age regression confusion Hi all, throwaway account but I need advice from any of you who may have experienced age regression. I've noticed more and more lately (and now recognized this behaviour in memories as a child) that I seem to age regress but I'm not really sure if that's what it is. When I'm in this state its like I can have a full understanding of what's going on and I still know all my full vocabulary but my voice becomes childish and mannerisms too, it's like I'm watching a child take over my body and voice. I can still think as an adult in my mind most of the time- I can understand and use big words and sometimes complexed thoughts. Most of the time I'm aware that I've entered this state but I'm powerless to change it, I just ride it out in silence if I can. If I must speak professionally it takes great difficulty to force my voice to somewhat normal. The closest I can think to an adequate description is how people with DID describe being co-conscious with a little in charge. But I don't think I have DID, I would love to hear your experiences. Do you think it's of concern and should I bring it up with my therapist? I'm terrified that I'll sound silly. Thanks",3.5418167804448366,5.169658041841007,4.571856419290906,84.68912574322837,73.18410041841004,8.378859282096455,27.641708874697198,8.99025400887824,2.1194133891213385,948,36,196,20,19,309,130,239,0.084,0.81,0.106,0.7377,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,0,7,8,0,1,9,0,19,2,1,2,4,49,43,20,0,8,10,0,0,2,0,4,0,6,0,3,18,12,0,0,10,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,3,8,23,7,26,35,9,30,0,0,1,1,11,14,0,9,12,128,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138137924721715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534767521998432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710917111017904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207590809077106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387978250339072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153683026441814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804190070621584,0.0,0.0,0.17079459859360768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460073396243728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513736431847227,0.0,0.17475113793828134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136752202681336,0.15526576780542048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981705206305106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642023065809435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486768726358285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178404322003575,0.0,0.17637202709283165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739872151338672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924266933996344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102901595187722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321513316890698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24743102096528435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600578000702338,0.0,0.2329539615282945,0.0,0.0,0.14262513913470884,0.0,0.17986853330431826,0.0,0.39705372141301337,0.0,0.1229853960679744,0.18066464405006832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32254445567346546,0.0,0.13379702794482035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004734149952487,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ajupsidedown,2020/04/06,"EMDR anyone here ever try emdr therapy for their PTSD? I started before the whole corona and I found it to be helping and now my therapist is no longer doing office visits so we're just speaking over the phone. 

 How is everyone doing ""self care"" during these times? 

I've been frustrated overwhelmed and have had a few major panic attacks here and there but hanging in there just curious as to how everyone else is coping and maybe some advice on how to cope while being locked in.

Thanks 
:)",4.337499999999999,6.615755793478261,5.0558695652173915,79.29728260869571,72.58695652173913,7.208695652173913,24.54347826086957,8.07648339933343,1.7267130434782612,391,12,64,6,8,126,72,92,0.078,0.7659999999999999,0.157,0.8426,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,12,6,2,2,3,0,10,0,0,3,1,14,14,12,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,1,4,2,9,9,4,11,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,51,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207331239774638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483550353443722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24137536852924746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054206293098826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163226775251879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724181128503635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192099623801365,0.0,0.4054773454747724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326347680759081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422138820994601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131544868232116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24893718681448865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480167772222523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134083304411767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017586646611358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953387336466154,0.2426362565959052,0.2463471147632288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371873218691433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440503166216531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368815662578549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,betating,2020/04/06,"Help engaging with friend with PTSD Hey, my friend has PTSD and autism. He feels very alone and isolated. He has trust issues. He's texting me as he's finding the current global situation very challenging and hard to deal with and he says he's reaching out. 
 I'm trying to engage with him by asking him how he feels and what he's doing with his therapist. But he sees this as giving advice and not really helping him. He feels he's reaching out to people asking for help and that they're just giving him advice and pat statements. 
I'm trying to understand what response he's looking for. I've tried for a long time only to be told that it's not really helping. I've asked him does he have coping mechanisms, I've empathized with how he feels and acknowledged his hurt. I understand the feelings of loneliness are part of CPTSD but is there any way I can reach him without making him feel more isolated?",4.1838014527845,5.943094615819214,4.874047619047619,82.63639830508475,71.76836158192091,7.994995964487491,26.202179176755447,8.634040054169528,1.9246484261501204,725,24,135,13,14,233,97,177,0.086,0.7879999999999999,0.125,0.4471,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,3,0,37,27,15,0,0,6,0,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,6,17,0,0,11,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,13,6,22,25,2,7,0,1,2,0,38,3,0,0,3,71,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23267336193446414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330243882890407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809597517452411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338939230080665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273785332094705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041836054740284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611789896312197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088117868682626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395926250903896,0.0,0.0,0.228411925638852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066476152137187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191934037321142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744811516265106,0.0,0.0,0.12425983201026206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053576761339211,0.09997407790335833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946843803509905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905447565829226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892220696916135,0.0,0.08253598205488116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783318974756429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525361021118068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946752904709814,0.0,0.0,0.094869392700689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381994729522428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822907598758122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694204437871698,0.0,0.0,0.11375972244031575,0.0,0.2424864059983113,0.0,0.0,0.24787560810999335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646148678003664,0.0,0.09449829718298268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476231802847485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lunarainadoe,2020/04/06,"Is there anyway to erase the memories At this point I am wondering if anything like ECT, brain surgery, or a medically induced stroke can remove my memories so I can start life as a new person.   So this burden of memories and this life of thinking of the past and dragging the trauma I'm with me so often can end.",5.16,5.809743225806455,6.251774193548387,77.84766129032263,68.35483870967742,9.425806451612903,31.62903225806452,9.516144504307137,2.8901483870967737,248,10,47,5,4,83,45,62,0.10400000000000001,0.857,0.04,-0.6153,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,5,5,1,1,0,9,9,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,7,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,5,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421940131186592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32854995295245243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606734136643727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157630781255501,0.14378616341767705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29648876135390084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842487322454867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809544704956168,0.0,0.2569822195635537,0.0,0.0,0.2782203308978457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20831581860170048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858349039556596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31916922345392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,aly-gaytor,2020/04/06,Waking up from a panic attack My apartment burned down last year and me and my gf had to escape it at 5 in the morning we lost everything including our cat and an apartment in the block next us burned down last week and now I just woke up from a panic attack because I had a dream the apartment next to us was on fire gotta love trauma had to check the wall for heat and now I’m scared to go back to sleep,1.9829870129870133,3.2269387272727315,3.2583116883116894,94.09318181818183,76.5,5.9376623376623385,20.525974025974023,6.1826913282559595,-0.051352597402597684,320,7,74,2,7,104,57,88,0.256,0.667,0.077,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,4,0,0,1,4,8,2,3,8,0,4,3,2,0,0,8,10,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,7,0,0,6,1,9,1,16,3,0,22,0,1,0,1,6,12,0,0,9,47,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098809062559304,0.0,0.13852005347866958,0.0,0.10981445688665084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190232233545246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238030968424272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29368373372660705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664907667230694,0.0,0.16258750634108513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831715844876552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227216735246991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803561394940898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802746667044922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4333834704631298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450110665899754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600719581113915
ptsd,Bijiii,2020/04/06,Struggling through same cycle of emotions in this quarantine Every day I find myself going through the same cycle of emotions . Being in quarantine has been seriously detrimental to my mental state but then I feel guilt because I know others are hurting and suffering way more than me or my loved ones . I’m doing my best to find comfort in my hobbies and over the phone therapy when I can.  Just struggling to not fight myself every day.,7.352874999999997,8.2948335375,7.170000000000004,72.15500000000002,63.625,9.4,36.0,9.3871,3.5973250000000005,353,16,55,6,5,112,56,80,0.174,0.653,0.17300000000000001,0.4359,0,2,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,10,1,3,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,11,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,1,1,11,3,12,9,4,11,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,1,4,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219076189297128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098695421637118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25794463950712376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499073193024468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369881584195394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011172794974159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655611931338201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136547967611889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140856536889768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990528101713402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049222595727904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153556018473326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551347665906358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41813075053088267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22869768585242925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873698641282613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TheUndeadPumpkin,2020/04/06,"I think I may have childhood trauma  I can't go talk to my therapists because of quarantine so I guess I'll self-diagnose for now.

 I can barely remember anything from my childhood, and when I do remember and talk to my parents about it, they say it never happened.

 I don't recall anything bad happening, but I had depression ever since I was little. (I also have many disorders and conditions, though I don't think they're that relevant)

 My parents divorced when I was 7, but they were always good friends, I remember my mom hitting me (but she insists she never did that), my mom was in a different country most of the time to get citizenship and my dad was always working, so I was usually home alone. I had an imaginary friend named hugo who was the embodiment of my intrusive thoughts, he told me to harm myself.
I never had real friends until I was 13, the ones before were just using me for bullying, but I was just as annoying as them, I deserved that.

I have many disorders and conditions that have trauma as one of the root causes (anxiety, dissociation, aphantasia, etc.) But I don't really know if I suffer from PTSD, my childhood seems pretty normal but thinking your childhood is normal is also a symptom of PTSD.",7.866273247496422,7.128501832618028,8.593658798283265,68.03352110157368,62.862660944206006,12.0585121602289,38.72997138769671,11.374738998889045,4.6088486409155935,969,45,167,25,12,328,126,233,0.131,0.7759999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.8826,3,2,0,0,1,0,31.0,0,1,3,1,12,11,1,0,7,0,27,1,0,3,4,37,41,23,0,3,9,5,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,7,5,0,0,9,0,0,1,7,7,0,2,16,1,41,4,19,23,2,17,0,2,0,0,22,2,0,5,14,131,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042797821342877,0.0,0.1610362685256779,0.16755675415337695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077024109230075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657111262812187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840681621079729,0.06137692819707057,0.0,0.08567591943319172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343171313948672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672024807723892,0.1021936329935139,0.0,0.10519488670656416,0.2307885440040653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122909144431926,0.0,0.0910757722842197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333680338956519,0.0,0.052604002618731,0.0,0.0572218730979079,0.08445019554042679,0.0,0.0,0.11091639697165273,0.0,0.17807165782459802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009957361532649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055334101352244265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009132923135966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415852745240531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358432119723683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329645253905775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730076678844488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364541609402483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235985990048688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243332042670143,0.0,0.0,0.235391853603622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146021081138608,0.06450169050550827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421710313439368,0.0,0.0,0.08006912724178834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166027072552063,0.10503690426098736,0.0,0.0,0.08328806152908498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465075547248548,0.0,0.1618543343402082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690359140917395,0.0,0.19354555169897186,0.09892296341156,0.07993301678232309,0.05871050745262842,0.0,0.0,0.09620928170118502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695991899905928,0.110890820855248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330022157351275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Shao-theyre-lesbians,2020/04/06,"Triggers are ruining my life I know you can’t expect people on the internet not to say mean things. I KNOW I should just ignore it. I KNOW these are just passing comments and they mean nothing to the person saying them.

But no matter how I rationalize it, I can’t stop how I react.

I’m really into the gaming community (particularly Mortal Kombat) and whether it be on PSN, Twitter, or Reddit, so many people keep saying intentionally offensive things that are super triggering to me.

I specifically get upset if someone uses the r-word, calls me stupid, or makes some kind of “kys” comment. I know I shouldn’t “let it get to me.” People day to just ignore them and move on.

But I just

Can’t.",2.809890929965558,5.155348634328358,4.8971641791044735,78.31149827784158,77.58208955223881,7.108151549942595,22.99425947187141,8.139509932561175,1.5464312284730195,543,17,98,10,13,187,82,134,0.154,0.8079999999999999,0.038,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,3,1,7,8,2,1,4,0,10,1,0,8,0,38,22,12,1,4,11,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,8,4,0,4,6,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,0,3,19,2,10,18,1,8,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,4,2,70,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746310050891579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029404486427756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870225754174876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520108377107862,0.0,0.17809148583297754,0.3759534764819964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488000152782487,0.12079680455870245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415748125115105,0.17338789795414258,0.0,0.3725828222273804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176767768589155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409873836282865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556921486168112,0.14932846414181128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956008226348513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080069885901664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490507595912533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298075759673606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723678126960525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770676248166434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lunar-Huntress,2020/04/06,"Quarantined in the house I spent 18 years trying to escape. I usually have a pretty good hold on my trauma but being at home instead of in my college town has been extremely triggering for me. I've been here for around 2 weeks which is the longest amount of time I've been home since going to college in 2017.

How do you cope with feeling trapped in a place where all of the terrible things that have happened to you took place? I just had a horrible flashback and took down all of my childhood art in my bedroom so that it wouldn't trigger any more of those memories. Any other advice would be much appreciated.",6.3739285714285705,6.482662916666667,6.435714285714287,79.45500000000001,65.66666666666666,9.523809523809524,32.976190476190474,9.23628265651192,2.7733690476190485,490,19,94,8,7,156,85,120,0.12,0.789,0.091,-0.7783,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,0,13,0,0,3,2,14,19,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,1,1,1,1,3,1,2,0,0,7,1,10,1,20,8,5,21,0,0,0,0,2,13,0,0,5,68,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894719298623254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26371046993624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260763983327668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803912750216648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019498513295913,0.16262990947762349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714606899795839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889849472371846,0.0,0.0,0.2237287734469758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253511973798327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051579701649778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972609006039806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039193065642693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881520871554292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306172177938388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43084891298082106,0.13164196344579196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354792658775185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553085694988011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773743028250712,0.0,0.0,0.12486200966915265
ptsd,daisierl,2020/04/06,"i need advice?:(( sorry if this post ends up being kinda messy n confusing?ive never talked about this before but i didn’t know who to go to and i really need to let it out i guess? im 16F, ive dealt with anxiety & depression for a long time & i have diagnosed ptsd from my moms drug addiction and her passing away...and i have a history of self harm, when i was 13 i went to the psych hospital bc of that,and when they asked if i had ever been sexually assaulted or abused, i told this story that i had never told anyone  (tw: sexual assault description?)

i dont remember exactly what age i was, i think between 8 and 10? honestly i don’t remember what was going on in my life at all or what age i was maybe because of trauma or something. my cousin (male) who would’ve been 13-14 at the time, and who has FASD so he basically has the decision making skills and temper of someone much younger, used to ask to give me massages a lot and i didn’t think anything of it because he was my best friend and i always went to his house to escape what was happening in my own life with my moms addiction.anyway, one night we were in the backseat of his parents car with them driving and a family friend sitting next to him and I (it was dark) and he started rubbing my arm and then stuck his hand into my shirt and started  touching my boobs and stuff...i don’t remember how long he was doing this,I completely froze. i couldnt say or do or think anything until he put his hand down further and started sticking his hand into my pants and i don’t remember what happened until he was done and i asked him why  and he just said ‘I’ve always wanted to do that’....obviously this was a lot to process as a child and I never ever told anyone because I didn’t feel like it was safe and anyone would listen to me and he told me not to tell anyone. also I felt like it was my fault because he was mentally ill and I just felt really gross and terrible ?im so sorry if this sounds all over the place. so when i was in the psych hospital i told my therapist that story and she told me it wasn’t / didn’t count as sexual assault? I felt dumb and stupid and gross.  but recently this has been triggering me a lot and I keep getting flashbacks and I have been thinking of telling my new therapist about what happened but I’m scared and I don’t even know if this is sexual abuse or whatever because  of this and I feel really stupid and I guess I just need advice?does this count and should i tell somebody:(",2.8168063127690104,4.325452219607847,4.369846963175515,85.88821377331422,74.84313725490195,7.956001912960308,25.184122429459592,8.628873520835908,1.6771970349115253,1952,65,409,38,41,653,223,510,0.16699999999999998,0.752,0.081,-0.9939,1,0,2,0,2,0,51.0,1,0,2,2,16,22,7,1,13,0,48,12,6,4,8,98,93,57,0,11,17,4,11,2,2,2,6,4,0,3,26,38,0,2,16,0,0,8,15,15,0,1,40,15,67,7,46,48,8,50,0,1,0,1,50,15,2,16,27,271,93,2,0.0,0.153940254196731,0.0,0.07081888619802268,0.0,0.06348075766418534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051950614227279215,0.10810827120983807,0.14077402586131552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496962556503027,0.0,0.0,0.18169360405493068,0.0,0.10691746490922736,0.0,0.18219394808065173,0.0,0.06103455574259393,0.0,0.0,0.1980031671382772,0.0,0.05527843733328285,0.0,0.06817430181822197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811211107131754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595224224704663,0.06593573053741801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647935380873242,0.07613575149865566,0.0,0.07533605913890558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057537633154817774,0.0,0.0,0.04290722301007733,0.11752488690172493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124101254593323,0.0,0.06569414370873203,0.04640933594025642,0.18712301789786534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037997703155896,0.0,0.03394030763226138,0.062318101129144085,0.07383955134796802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431273837454893,0.0,0.17233879209606728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495818541571163,0.0,0.0,0.1403416368329115,0.0,0.0,0.057741795389870974,0.0,0.0,0.07140355596367377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642871928126659,0.09177009320676753,0.06347494673251906,0.0,0.0,0.11497981635908958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656867865380138,0.0,0.0,0.0433630787376371,0.0,0.06526372165509667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546708000354194,0.0,0.0,0.1521669600950208,0.0,0.0,0.04775502841659559,0.14450696356881645,0.15030962028628062,0.06274134001912655,0.06908852389468076,0.06096305395338829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044020378388136584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213334402870744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787215113722844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221626914055248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759378709576596,0.06530541421600979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485022676458885,0.0,0.06414278773888996,0.0,0.2943601117411579,0.0,0.061794364170045024,0.05166091314628054,0.06503895360430229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777022024724964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055042649412304544,0.05001142800820862,0.0,0.145440754385785,0.13794271133245667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436670136629492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052214523854174286,0.17034067962279933,0.0,0.0,0.15085330614483455,0.0,0.16650179298155526,0.0,0.0,0.07576049672991418,0.0,0.0,0.3724476224766663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056106878860462686,0.0,0.0,0.038316658882929885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044206981838335,0.058618694657160936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229521691582296,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jesuskrist_,2020/04/06,"I'm new to this and I don't know how to cope Just had a traumatic event happen a few hours ago to do with my family. (basically a huge argument happened and it escalated very, veey badly. I'm at my sisters because I'm not staying at my house.)

I'm so confused, shocked, worried, upset depressed... Just any negative emotion I can think of right now. I keep acting like everything is okay one minute and then I can't help but start crying because I keep getting flashbacks of that one specific moment.

I'm so upset and I'm scared the relationship with my family will be changed forever. I've never screamed so hard in my life. Usually I'm silent when my sisters and mother argue but this time I let it all out which really shocked me.

I don't know what to do, I'm only a child and I had to witness someone almost dying. I shouldn't of had to see that. I'm scared of going back to that house. It's 2am and I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep because when i try to, the moment keeps replaying in my head and i end up in tears. 

Why did this have to happen",0.4760089686098681,2.661415399103141,2.96951748878924,89.66012376681616,85.59192825112108,6.079210762331837,22.37291479820628,7.404127859558343,0.9659307264573992,826,30,178,14,25,285,125,223,0.209,0.758,0.033,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,10,14,1,5,6,1,17,3,2,1,3,31,40,18,1,2,7,3,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,11,11,0,3,3,0,0,2,8,11,0,2,4,3,19,3,23,31,2,28,0,1,1,0,7,9,0,3,17,106,30,0,0.1241762928053306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007479120315077,0.0,0.1243446200162062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444413729414645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954839042221833,0.10368201764523544,0.227090146594349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136205259920158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640182677715432,0.0,0.0,0.10695285903592697,0.0,0.12887538702365764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968161573391927,0.10998333794912256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111601645039849,0.0,0.23412471489963774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487698780330564,0.0,0.07057224884506005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294260568877474,0.0,0.11123756764397356,0.0,0.12744070127961085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323275154350059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228863500388887,0.2865655393382791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311207838041655,0.0,0.0,0.13648808607039914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697867259468915,0.08770938793766893,0.06066626427785764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957724122370975,0.11993023738284594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829013942521842,0.0944416662765128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955051288679685,0.0,0.0,0.13331886679264152,0.0,0.10604587556801556,0.0,0.0,0.24864426365512834,0.0,0.09895242820702176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124265971438918,0.0,0.10521416992665547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878926191794845,0.1323554059489923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703468640296265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956715441071238,0.0,0.0,0.07240819493408247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430755166888285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676264303056618,0.102458446357827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204978987000837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610705300450695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tangerinepeaches,2020/04/06,"i f*cked up my therapy & other things regarding my ptsd okay so i’m just gonna pour my feelings here because i feel like no one understands, so sorry.

so i haven’t seen my therapist in a long time. i don’t even have a therapist anymore, because i rescheduled months ago and they said they would call me to reschedule but never called me so they cancelled my therapy. i’m scared to tell my doctor i fucked up my therapy (she’s the one that recommended me) bc i’m afraid of failure & i’m afraid she’ll judge me. i only JUST got diagnosed with ptsd right before they cancelled my therapy. i am so scared to ask for a new recommendation.

also i am still in touch with my dad, who gave me the trauma during my childhood. and i haven’t told him i have ptsd, but i’ve told him i have a lot of anxiety, especially about confrontation & authority. he has told me he’s going to force me into situations where i can overcome it, and that scares the shit out of me. i want to tell him i can’t because of the trauma but i can’t just tell him that he gave me ptsd. i don’t know what to do. i can’t just say no. but if i drop contact i fear the worst.

sorry for this, i just need somewhere to dump my feelings.",1.3776712779973614,3.2850652569170022,3.3995108695652188,89.46564311594204,80.22529644268775,6.746310935441371,22.794631093544137,7.793537801064563,0.999187220026351,942,31,209,16,24,319,123,253,0.24100000000000002,0.706,0.052000000000000005,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,4,0,16,15,4,6,9,1,17,4,1,0,1,27,40,14,0,4,10,1,4,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,9,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,10,13,0,2,8,7,51,2,22,29,2,18,0,0,1,1,29,8,2,2,9,137,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976430083892047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195919270397841,0.0,0.29248889754271656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883657662566192,0.0,0.08923873376456944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841217478974479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455799345625036,0.0,0.07656871402979024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18376494802313284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133062256130607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210118316848516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943277427802676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125563864080483,0.13649398424755868,0.06428371248082326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318762557797436,0.0,0.0,0.05113928471931002,0.0,0.0719674452967981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945217991899386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439610386877934,0.0,0.0,0.07963192433350656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650013753980013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182339256552303,0.0,0.0,0.06672108753788293,0.06940026338682975,0.08690592486915072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194931430360742,0.0684359552107247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42074019497561255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684479824197751,0.08559422492828092,0.07155791437023375,0.2702653663651713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923660255097842,0.0,0.10114440929564322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145669935819768,0.0,0.0,0.07186036039678491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359467346560693,0.0,0.411612581421587,0.20895387452817266,0.05978055740679236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246967975861155,0.0,0.0,0.2579471930850034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367524224835187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053074172102503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392118166924149,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,saumel6246,2020/04/07,"Healing hopless My mental health problems are resurfaced now that our(me and my fiance) lives have started to become more calm Its been 5 years off pharmaceuticals and im almost exhausted enough to go back. Im scared because of what they did to me but im very close to ruining my engagement with my partner. I just contacted an old phycologist i used to like, my partner is busy with college and iv lost all of my old freinds to drugs. I feel like im limiting my partner by needing his help. I fear we are becoming codependent and and im so disoriented i feel unable to ease the situation. So i moved into my moms for a couple weeks. Im trying to sort out what are my problems and what are his and witch are mine and im starting to feel like im the one whos bad for him.",1.9990566037735853,4.039822490566039,3.980477987421384,85.40430188679248,78.81132075471699,7.258867924528303,26.32327044025157,8.238735603445708,1.7851187421383643,612,25,127,12,15,208,96,159,0.17600000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.125,-0.8448,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,2,5,14,0,2,4,0,9,5,0,1,1,27,19,11,0,3,2,1,3,3,3,0,5,0,0,3,5,14,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,9,0,1,3,3,22,5,19,16,3,14,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,2,11,77,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246069426491953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710003221237678,0.07709630969974147,0.05628688133591751,0.2039546742758201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216750637977227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707989883075712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540728410466176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390314071767233,0.14006285321748585,0.13192904046447235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247640889650452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814834932232536,0.0,0.0,0.061890558612737775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7979057277791838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533142598832346,0.0,0.08153396360560249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007951371548186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930524954935437,0.0,0.0,0.10814225537279268,0.0,0.09813805434614513,0.0,0.06846562463427151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378120995913267,0.0,0.0625689439847409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670526177354476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244397240325528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378900309079643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071112508185964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268976299951312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797482504495014,0.0,0.07618648142810686,0.0,0.0,0.07406599161910962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946105321518819
ptsd,lowhighdie,2020/04/07,"Please help me understand how this pandemic is a collective trauma... As someone who tries to be compassionate to others I keep a very open mind. But here lately I see a bunch of people posting about how we are going through a collective trauma due to this pandemic. And then it starts going on about how to cope with the PTSD that follows this trauma. To me unless you have lost your job, your losing family, starving, etc. It is not a trauma. These people are complaining about getting PTSD from having to stay indoors, and to me that's mocking someone with real PTSD . That is just some privileged person waving how great thier life was in my face. That this is the most traumatic thing to have happened to them. 

Not everyone will feel this way I get that but help me understand your point of view otherwise. I'm not here to argue, just open my heart to compassion for those who need it. I feel this is something I need to learn rather than be so upset by it.",5.716612318840582,6.587887581521741,5.909565217391307,80.00427536231886,67.20652173913044,9.1768115942029,28.3768115942029,9.2995712137729,2.346939855072464,761,24,141,14,12,242,109,184,0.109,0.7879999999999999,0.10300000000000001,0.2163,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,4,1,2,13,13,2,1,7,0,14,3,2,4,0,32,31,12,0,3,9,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,21,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,10,0,0,2,4,17,3,28,26,4,15,0,2,2,0,14,5,0,2,4,109,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401240176079065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195566729466834,0.0,0.0,0.1301836530338875,0.0,0.13964993809534648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442978503775615,0.0,0.15696511427945242,0.0,0.0,0.15225019832327466,0.0,0.0,0.12211693102279575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636432112089969,0.18512430270575608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370379550642871,0.12274515956036172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577714768151366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754056535199047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544929545788816,0.15074697902368325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943655909244052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479134950197336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147533686339024,0.12057920628569622,0.0,0.15158681427121254,0.13054438835955898,0.0,0.13225681382687238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842769102226688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718231528334925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004381648546337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23401484969840555,0.10631225907093893,0.0,0.0,0.09774433463298854,0.14719087006776832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174416572845967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375742376709983,0.0,0.0,0.2875234799503533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394281750011998,0.0,0.10961336398770266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lilchipp,2020/04/07,"DAE not remember periods of their childhood? I try and remember things from early in my life and I just can’t. Not anything super early either, just certain periods of my childhood (8-15). I have vivid memories of high school onwards and I can remember having a certain “control” over my actions that I don’t feel like I had before then. At least it doesn’t seem like I did because I can’t remember anything attached to that time of my life. People often do, I’ve found out. Friends of mine have such rich memories from their childhood. Not just remembering events, but internal feelings or thinking processes in detail. I can’t even remember the friends I had in middle school, any of the countless sports games I played for years, even simple things like the vacations I know I went on. Pictures help remind me of these facts, but when I reach back for the memory supposedly associated, I come up empty handed. Anyone experience this or have any ideas on what this could be related to?",5.312515527950311,7.12909093478261,5.953105590062113,75.79065217391306,69.0,9.170186335403725,32.16459627329192,9.606745405546679,3.2833552795031054,788,35,135,18,14,256,111,184,0.024,0.828,0.14800000000000002,0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,2,9,10,0,0,5,0,16,3,1,1,3,35,24,9,0,1,11,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,13,3,1,3,8,0,0,0,5,4,23,10,22,17,2,27,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,4,16,97,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517413903352096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780115867815013,0.0,0.18362343871394995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578961693242634,0.0,0.06801138140911082,0.0,0.0949369381184698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610675028754463,0.0,0.0,0.12513403679068108,0.08907870852588946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738044605651232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913581748860207,0.0,0.0,0.11282520195748387,0.07970486263414316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232956809333258,0.1723957500882665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478229895724997,0.11787869529719465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259477366169876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061315363647956214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576088630611745,0.1635208242325811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734784506936039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7583150608372092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582741787249916,0.0,0.10156815949406334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824287311415946,0.07148886247272211,0.0,0.0,0.06505673764353906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757479768040723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342551165356198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718467300590172
ptsd,skoopa101,2020/04/07,"Might have accidentally brought up my bf's trauma? So my bf has survivor's guilt. I was talking to him (over the phone; social distancing, y'all!) about names for kids (because I was bored and that's what I was thinking about) and I suggested the name of the person who died and caused his guilt. It took me a minute to realize and I apologized endlessly. 

I still feel like absolute crap. How could I make this up to him? What should I do next?

Thanks.",1.2966905005107243,3.863547943820226,2.4148927477017392,92.15980592441272,86.41573033707864,6.382431052093973,21.574055158324818,7.686295010490155,0.9928561797752802,353,12,75,7,11,112,64,89,0.201,0.716,0.083,-0.8699,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,1,2,4,0,9,1,1,3,0,15,15,6,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,5,1,15,2,10,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,16,3,1,1,3,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729299827483304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914196733895097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264970834214234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29441724516338097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343819978247715,0.2026625578646753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385927508389301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936001293295585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009418914682728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016991449654726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477002785208762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28917818878049284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265489015033833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22801293635391326,0.0,0.26117637531204263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817720431193816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151812650252342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,spider-friend,2020/04/07,"Had a freakout around my boyfriend for the first time, and it was better than I expected. I was finally diagnosed with PTSD yesterday *formally* after avoiding a diagnosis for 8 years. This brought all sorts of feelings to the surface, unfortunately coinciding with a date night with my relatively new and very mentally ""normal"" boyfriend.

I could feel a flashback/dissociation episode coming and warned him it wasn't pretty, and that if he wanted to leave he could. He said he would leave if I really wanted him to, but otherwise he was going to stay by my side.

He was incredibly understanding and caring. He talked soft to me and held my wrists gently so I would stop hitting myself. He told me I was safe over and over again and held me tight and kept talking soft to me and encouraging me to breathe while I was physically fighting to ""get away"". 

It was so ugly. I was wailing. I went completely non-verbal for an hour or more. Even though he's never dealt with something like that before, and even though he's not really dealt with mental issues himself or in his family, somehow he knew what to do to not only make me feel safe, but also actually keep me safe.

After I was calmer, he didn't pressure me to talk about it or treat me differently. We continued on our night.

I feel so lucky to have someone like him by my side. Just wanted to share a happy thought.",5.0491821862348205,6.551504323076927,5.858380566801621,77.43398785425106,69.23076923076923,9.012145748987852,29.06882591093117,9.414487439383343,2.5921538461538467,1084,40,201,23,19,355,148,260,0.08,0.73,0.19,0.9899,1,1,1,0,2,0,32.0,2,0,0,2,13,15,1,2,8,0,18,3,2,1,2,61,42,25,0,11,10,0,7,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,19,0,10,7,0,0,4,5,3,0,1,21,8,33,12,34,16,2,31,0,0,0,0,27,9,0,8,19,137,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.11669665129751887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563121398539956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064550380178836,0.0,0.0,0.1123530250323565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175710428120056,0.0,0.0,0.10576225533670516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192377165720787,0.0,0.0,0.10301095448152432,0.12538146017604088,0.0,0.0,0.19095605171913893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137515696583327,0.0,0.1249397395121734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796809667137074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273307279565158,0.0,0.24186088299600725,0.0,0.0,0.13099833416604886,0.0,0.10171801739709896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247766018147938,0.0,0.0679622949658554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729930165640505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776606837841876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248145388590721,0.0,0.1062916786059934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25324419982644353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168453213494812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982319215096383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410249206844029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223048771393563,0.11549489072160375,0.0,0.22444280763705093,0.11716684707718865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094895636162692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165983321203075,0.0,0.0,0.13978719780630275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321703672408934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137516880394116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132306350109352,0.09206154045926636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746054272947546,0.0,0.09997750793419474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883510644551126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234981179548936,0.094936271218803,0.06973034277055966,0.0,0.0,0.11426755587398045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449107334261415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866925409167167,0.2116010749444571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085548768736364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989796501907872,0.0,0.0,0.07700812084075795
ptsd,Hypomanicpixiedrmgrl,2020/04/07,"Does anyone else already diagnosed with PTSD feel relatively....good...during this crisis? Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly anxious and grieving for the devastation this has and will continue to cause.

​

On the other hand, I feel as if I have had ""pandemic level"" crises multiple times in my life. Right now I'm encouraged to stay home, my safe spot, wash my hands, make and wear a mask, use hand sanitizer, etc..

​

I have an inkling of control of this situation compared to my other trauma, even though in reality I know I don't really over this virus and society. That sense of control is so comforting I'm actually not freaking out over this. Who knows, things could really take an even worse turn and I'll eat my words. I'm just curious if other people seem to be adjusting well to this potential trauma.",6.363961038961038,7.362762928571428,7.1198961038961075,71.44555844155846,65.81818181818181,11.095064935064936,32.932467532467534,11.00357731598739,3.8980618181818185,657,27,116,19,10,218,107,154,0.131,0.7240000000000001,0.145,0.0889,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,5,0,11,8,4,5,0,25,24,10,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,12,7,1,3,6,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,5,12,4,17,20,1,12,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,3,3,73,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.13202350603923962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929585868163553,0.0,0.0,0.2931732766628499,0.3287842712729157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283917022824348,0.0,0.09459790064884477,0.1386205737822688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389800782459981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034784361781681,0.10801804150787617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731648329683516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839317443276386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843542616071594,0.11301741943468993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088409156080845,0.17871551353884754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681335921743834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068343139733674,0.0,0.0,0.11347481761488495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570688222251165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487036712857265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555931486817168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030711313340163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379303851064133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814674841643184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733404527751628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553690491007065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316291793700285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207160752999946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420111927554033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172122897248063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898806521012716,0.0,0.1329217198280744,0.0,0.07888867613189998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715665027517974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168471059785725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164194095889855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787204920066726,0.0,0.1479183564919705,0.3287842712729157,0.0
ptsd,jack11lolboy,2020/04/07,"Do I have ptsd In my opinion maybe but I feel like it's bad saying I have ptsd as I can't be sure and I know people with ptsd have suffered severe things mine is not that severe well is for me.

I used weed for first time 8 months ago ended up in hospital from that day on I get the same symptoms like it happened when I slept so have a sleeping problem where I am super afraid to sleep and get panic attacks everyday.

BTW I do have childhood abuse don't know if it's hunting me now but the symptoms I have is burning skin vertigo and sometimes screaming cause of the pain almost 100% what I experienced with the weed

This has been so bad wanted to end my life a few times now as this has even made my mom leave me .  I AM IN SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN ABOUT THE SMALLEST THING",2.0036772486772456,3.6735641296296317,3.126560846560846,93.25666666666667,77.4567901234568,5.616225749559083,23.29982363315697,6.1826913282559595,0.3538786596119925,607,19,134,4,14,195,102,162,0.31,0.63,0.06,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,10,16,2,2,7,0,19,11,4,3,1,21,30,12,0,3,4,1,2,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,10,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,11,1,1,3,5,20,5,16,26,3,19,0,1,0,1,2,6,1,3,15,92,30,0,0.0,0.14658502044694535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966810907518196,0.0,0.12388521660406313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407465295374398,0.0,0.0,0.20659790849418666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709196365648906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797875598906725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191539874083672,0.0,0.0,0.08171424940244633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255529100583715,0.08838381478879108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523405190606827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437484563444154,0.1292745867989167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940298665446076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135983817430152,0.0,0.0,0.1309989810625563,0.0,0.0,0.08738533698885995,0.12088425361132946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706450055123065,0.0,0.0,0.12429086885916354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489645397345205,0.09875013718144436,0.0,0.0909466059208284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26328830950113497,0.14515584307728216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577014484426188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838094989407295,0.4338574504158151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838513063876976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27953114594674205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476137172033376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223597821189336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660229025855685,0.25717972964823016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164384834350966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428135149150656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068522074085267,0.0,0.0,0.07297179357174506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112369005296504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,calicoast13,2020/04/07,"suicide trigger. can anyone relate? Hi All,

Among many other trauma incidents....

My stepfather committed suicide when I was age 16. Due to the world now struggling more than ever with mental health, my PTSD is worse than ever because I am worried about anyone I care for doing the same. Comments like, “I can’t keep living this way” or “I can’t handle the new normal” are incredibly triggering to me. 

Can anyone relate?",2.821315789473683,5.837064815789473,4.142421052631581,78.89994736842105,85.05263157894737,5.67157894736842,23.389473684210525,7.1686216300943375,1.5653252631578942,330,12,50,5,10,108,59,76,0.23,0.6809999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9254,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,9,1,0,2,4,11,11,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,8,2,8,10,3,10,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,8,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121488164358772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197719958807492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032380499317803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554536645378173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884837482076968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463988529923227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959898920867862,0.0,0.1734948769826384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991992351795181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980049852190745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189760992890472,0.0,0.0,0.1925080589825132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22967386075147825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054028901961978,0.0,0.4298330659288621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595617279442786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953433021428701,0.2002292563502675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,massdepresso,2020/04/07,"I think I may have PTSD? Trigger warning emotional abuse, panic attacks, suicide, self harm, drug abuse

So I have had a not good childhood. It was filled with my parents genuinely terrifying me. I recently (as in last night) tried to do a suicide and I couldn't tell them for fear of being hurt by them. They won't hit me except once or twice, but they'll threaten to, encourage panic attacks, yell at me for having panic attacks, so forth and so on. 

There was this moment a few months ago where my teacher yelled at me for a second. Nothing much, but I started having a panic attack. A big one. I was trying to hide it but my friends noticed. It wasn't a fun time. 

There was also this time in social studies. This dude walked behind me and sorta startled me. No big deal. But he reminded me of when my dad walked behind me like that. He reminded me of my dad. And then I started having a panic attack again. Also in class. I dont know why. 

Recently, while stuck at home with my parents, I have been having the worst mental health. I've been taking drugs even without intent to die, and of course there was that time last night when I tried to overdose on ibuprofen and failed. I've also been cutting myself more and deeper, which probably isn't safe but who cares. It should also be noted I'm a 13 year old trans boy. 

So uh... That's my story. I'm not aloud to go to a therapist so I guess I'm just stuck with questioning myself endlessly until I can get emancipated at 16.",2.0172238457042653,4.212068983050848,3.4972413793103456,88.10728813559324,79.5084745762712,5.831677381648159,22.375803623611922,6.953978226594392,0.7450818234950316,1150,36,227,13,29,378,162,295,0.282,0.655,0.063,-0.9968,2,0,2,0,3,3,42.0,0,0,4,1,18,24,6,7,11,0,28,4,0,2,0,32,43,28,3,2,11,4,0,1,1,4,4,2,1,2,12,10,0,1,3,0,0,4,9,17,1,3,12,2,35,7,33,23,4,39,0,2,0,0,19,12,0,5,24,161,47,2,0.0,0.19315528345003227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225490923034916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26073844476441005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636547398315529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310627167863044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403464080559431,0.0,0.0,0.08459593054539412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553071571916598,0.0,0.18905461645382565,0.0,0.0,0.09168931737854576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383748952352471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172295001779153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297548038169419,0.0,0.04258632529417998,0.0,0.04632478861641001,0.06836786783143238,0.0,0.0,0.08979396104377943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664277207637107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176254769663892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725960483468526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044796515906352634,0.13288528748274558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039822336893204184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214428682552231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506159592519582,0.0,0.0599202339771617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298579345331992,0.0,0.07821235555069939,0.0928012322244916,0.08553246856976662,0.08680694621163118,0.05523421219164621,0.0,0.0,0.4781801361512363,0.18101745491803345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788304060752491,0.0,0.09528242671779474,0.0,0.09131138642368092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096528372815488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503413333720869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309057426219046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538833099598045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832041256783826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061286404192723534,0.0,0.07124452800925593,0.0,0.0,0.09464098022906467,0.0,0.05222919304977648,0.0,0.0,0.14258980176959365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602260408631336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355133094365941,0.0,0.0,0.07857404959105938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249064825558557
ptsd,withersins,2020/04/07,"Has anyone gone through the murder of a loved one? Unsolved or not. My sister was murdered in 2007 and its unsolved. I didn't witness it or anything but I was very close to her. I was 16, she was 19 when she was presumably raped and murdered. She was completely innocent. I struggle with if I ""fit"" the guidelines of PTSD. I've been in therapy and have been diagnosed, but I seem to invalidate it myself since I wasn't in any direct threat or anything like that. But this open wound and dealing with shitty law enforcement, surely doesn't help. I've had a few mental crisis's within the past year and having a lot of anxiety with her anniversary coming up. I had anxiety and depression, sexual abuse as a kid, before her murder as well.",3.6977039627039616,5.646929720279722,4.900856643356646,81.15077214452215,73.47552447552448,8.123310023310024,27.301282051282055,8.841846274778883,2.289844289044289,582,22,107,12,12,192,91,143,0.311,0.601,0.08800000000000001,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,2,12,6,1,7,0,16,4,0,0,1,25,20,16,4,1,8,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,12,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,8,1,1,13,0,16,4,16,7,2,13,0,1,0,2,11,8,0,6,4,79,21,0,0.0,0.23468386214982997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469628659426844,0.0,0.3030502780771949,0.0,0.0,0.13849709729931914,0.0,0.3259940517455537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685453520221309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062216646068434,0.2076755474882728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042043448812249,0.17059980022767346,0.2010397082548191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276401317098938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967683581313629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839439939360262,0.17876842252213185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961078093671736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342192458669356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908288651218616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23153648709717944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031802515902293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384785529622378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207068681999892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668125658377166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22651349285247174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634307921998748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780912220790213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755238002646518
ptsd,Melkly,2020/04/07,"After Covid-19 and our new friends After covid-19 has run its course, and it will. 
 
Many health care professionals will have this disorder. 
 
Remember to offer them kindness and understanding. The kindness you also need.
 
They risked developing this disorder to help the world. They sacrificed their mental health to save lives. 
 
When they come and they ask for help. Lets give them the warmest welcome we can muster. Let them be accepted. Let them know they are accepted and loved. 
 
We know this illness well. We've survived it longer than others. We know the signs and flair ups. And we know what we need, want, and deserve better than most. 
 
We can teach them how to survive and thrive again. Not all of us are there. And some of us won't have be able to. 
 
Keep on the compassion and understanding towards yourself and others. 
 
The love and respect you hold for your hero's, other people have in you. We are a Reddit community. And one of the least toxic places. We got a lot going for us. Don't give up.",2.618316970546985,5.514114548387099,2.7262786348761137,89.92028751753159,83.6236559139785,5.815427769985975,22.065451145395045,7.255503002510835,0.9014402057036001,790,26,150,12,23,239,111,186,0.051,0.7040000000000001,0.245,0.9908,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,12,4,11,4,6,15,0,1,9,0,18,5,0,1,1,45,37,17,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,10,23,0,2,9,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,1,0,27,14,20,28,5,15,0,0,0,2,37,7,0,3,5,111,37,2,0.11702207533889165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358251136960033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939984362287508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349651593916688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931180492048565,0.0,0.0,0.10080415606176887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26823487331104034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041096512101876,0.0,0.0,0.22451647566421706,0.06650634218987657,0.0,0.09359324381853924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487779877725937,0.0,0.0,0.15687486076035695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401459740078108,0.0,0.24372096724666176,0.2572490888583804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589890015665767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333263646804804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948798370411027,0.211233983680422,0.0,0.0,0.11864201705263125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793072805574148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354077216491126,0.0,0.11302064957300847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929718680474687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112837258657997,0.0,0.12226316185004163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256319926872426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436482148658621,0.42228944425375103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902265197230334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521689951593408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,emsy6,2020/04/07,"Im stuck at home with my abusers During this corona shit I have to be at home all the fucking time, school was my only escape and only support I get for my mental state, now that has been ripped away from me. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know where to go, I don’t have any extended family but fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck my flashbacks and nightmares have gotten 1000x worse, I really can’t take it anymore, ptsd, bpd, bipolar, depression and anxiety do not go well with online school, I’ve got my head of year emailing me every bloody minute asking me why I haven’t done any work, I don’t know how to explain all the shit I’m going through, fuck I just don’t want to be at home.",2.5391849529780544,3.649266379310348,3.710909090909096,91.93545454545456,74.86206896551724,6.65203761755486,22.14733542319749,6.980632752743323,0.4303103448275856,535,13,121,5,11,174,86,145,0.335,0.637,0.027000000000000003,-0.9954,0,0,0,0,1,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,9,0,2,0,18,11,3,1,2,17,41,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,8,10,1,0,6,0,17,2,15,33,2,12,0,1,0,7,3,5,9,0,3,69,21,3,0.0,0.12433451956521355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272304816787604,0.0,0.08027737907427246,0.0,0.10407042316302187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981029820974028,0.0,0.098592823621475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321658960197821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038305405800376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738813652017634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841489700295238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892632583099267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6790952450162222,0.054825839613851735,0.0,0.1789162657226952,0.0,0.08392860555102415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769679180877026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157844891854372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335118342935856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301374885308748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057529491821593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962034685824847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266705354740527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067226050536658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124059715509608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154349564405452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908254168202903,0.0,0.0,0.07890041095513713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119026509400063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189522550047119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435197773351844,0.0,0.09469033653048016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639620545183054,0.0,0.10694091539242488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757671253878153
ptsd,Jogsaw,2020/04/07,"I exist as a punching bag For everyone, mentally and physically",6.335454545454546,9.305102545454547,10.154545454545453,41.8518181818182,69.0,15.30909090909091,47.36363636363637,13.023866798666859,9.1742,52,4,6,3,1,20,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6880551174862607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7256584288086015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,manicpixiegremlin,2020/04/07,"How do I get help? CSA survivor struggling after becoming a parent. CSA: I’ve been away from my sexually abusive grandfather for almost 8 years now. Got away when I was 18 and I am 26 this year. My grandfather had been sexually abusing me from age 15-17. I have vague memories and nightmares from when I was younger that make me believe more happened than my mind can process. I don’t have any memories before age 8, and my mom admits to me that at age 7, my grandfather dropped me off and told her that whatever I said, remember that “little girls lie.” I have nightmares of his home office frequently, but again, I can’t remember anything before that.

I always thought it would  get easier as the years went on. In the first few years, it was touch and go, and I spent most of the time recovering from suicide attempts. My parents put me through therapy, but the therapists always took the “talk at your own pace” approach, and I learned pretty fast that I could dawdle and waste their time rather than talk about what happened. Eventually, I felt I talked about it so much that I got hardened to it. I don’t instantly cry anymore when I mention it. I guess I mistook that as recovery.

I’m married now and have an 18-month-old boy. I thought starting a family would give me a chance to reclaim my life, but I was so very wrong. I spend most days terrified of not being able to protect my son, terrified of leaving him alone, of not being able to be a good mother to him. I often wonder if he will ask about his great grandfather and what I would say. I work from home and spend most of my days inside, and so far, this has been how I’ve managed to avoid my triggers. As I try to give him a proper childhood and good experiences, this is becoming harder for me.

For example, one of my best childhood memories was of my grandfather dressing up as Santa and putting presents under the tree for my sister and I. I have always struggled with separating that joyful memory with the heinous things he did to me. My son took an interest in Santa this year, and visiting the mall Santa triggered one of the worst panic attacks I’ve had in years. Before having my son, I just stayed locked away in home for most of the holidays. I never realized how little I had actually been “healed.”

My PCP provided me with the number of an in-patient PTSD program, but in-patient treatment is not a possibility with my son. I was offered an “intensive depression course” but I don’t feel that depression is my main issue. I just want to face my problems head on for once, but I have no idea where to start, or what to do. Does anyone know what types of doctors or types of therapy I should be looking into? 

Thanks to everyone who has read this far. I know it has been quite a ramble. I appreciate all help I can get.",5.5716233135456035,6.0561962330275225,6.207158661629788,79.11046815974095,67.40366972477064,9.567728008634647,32.543173232595784,9.5536054971066,2.9236497571505664,2197,90,425,43,34,718,261,545,0.132,0.757,0.111,-0.9445,2,2,0,0,0,1,60.0,0,1,1,5,20,17,1,4,22,0,47,5,2,6,2,73,80,38,1,9,15,9,3,0,0,5,3,2,3,2,27,21,0,2,13,3,3,8,9,10,0,3,26,6,76,7,67,44,12,59,0,2,1,0,37,20,0,11,29,301,103,8,0.14633652151308998,0.17338484886793176,0.0714016678498839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326744401431122,0.07578025175089399,0.0,0.0,0.18264556300982,0.0,0.0,0.04975692636102242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256325377232843,0.05116094916777617,0.0,0.060211244262783764,0.0,0.06840244681819864,0.08323945952365361,0.20623196859790024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161719093461688,0.18678240242031927,0.08243557405840969,0.07678557554103475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841890245853652,0.0,0.08037189872422636,0.0943749502575697,0.0,0.1260394315502189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489081528899859,0.06403003806026067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991540870980821,0.0,0.07157259890837228,0.06897652443282265,0.0,0.03699607109875935,0.0,0.07025300464180917,0.0,0.0,0.062236885221493836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146821890100994,0.1403793257636778,0.04158320875117534,0.12274013135594247,0.11703868434966742,0.08066826579074259,0.08060308828599141,0.0,0.12940490269024155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509174457995448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808628572873848,0.0,0.22018119394242905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259806032283043,0.0,0.07636865451889255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804227251929365,0.0,0.0,0.07747462347834222,0.0,0.0,0.05168090641489043,0.0,0.14666763853971382,0.0,0.0,0.06144291113813746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488403822158499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387908543759228,0.08569378268354208,0.05840220766994835,0.0,0.05378709050404469,0.0,0.056431873375643676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677778143773385,0.0779218097520171,0.09916141419621366,0.0,0.0,0.08584718901533656,0.16248938938054006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248622026980926,0.0,0.07443842565397063,0.0,0.07001214395455563,0.08552978133009938,0.14710862253910698,0.0,0.07782345177382477,0.07318806112703574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577075227433266,0.0,0.06959977134259347,0.05818633771255272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035777431169078,0.0779876306196066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529827053507058,0.0,0.08003420157838997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642962929495953,0.0,0.06736350403876849,0.16734856570452775,0.08495399018155388,0.04860974124985391,0.0,0.0,0.1161748521333206,0.08533000250141558,0.0,0.0,0.06991540870980821,0.16258525981995706,0.0496764461629177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037147792431236,0.04315653591847825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782771076275365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934785764143408,0.053267365260544534,0.0,0.0,0.15592989942447524,0.07999800699128005,0.0,0.28270776606932985
ptsd,RarityWebkinz,2020/04/07,"Anyone else feel stuck at a certain age? My way of thinking is the exact way fourteen year old me would think. I don’t feel like an adult. I feel like a little kid.. a child, a scared little girl who desperately needs her parents love and will have a fit if she can’t get it. A little girl who tries to get these things out of others. Lost and confused, directionless, scared. It doesn’t help that everyone I do come across treats me that way. I think they see it too. It only makes me more frustrated. I don’t feel like I’ve developed past that age, actually. Sure my age has *changed* but I haven’t.. I feel the same. And I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. I’ve been thinking long and hard on this, and I would guess it’s linked to what happened around those ages, that just broke me emotionally. I feel like that’s when I’ve lost myself, lost any development that would’ve happened, that should happen for any average person around that age. Looking to see if I’m alone or not. Would definitely like to hear your guys’ stories.",1.929006211180124,4.205700492753625,2.7335127674258115,93.02130434782612,80.30434782608695,5.875224292615597,20.002070393374744,7.07126945348624,0.2434041407867497,810,21,176,10,21,254,116,207,0.156,0.742,0.102,-0.8845,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,3,5,18,1,4,9,0,15,1,0,1,3,39,46,10,0,7,6,1,8,5,0,5,0,1,0,7,22,9,0,0,12,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,5,12,20,9,13,36,2,25,0,4,3,1,17,10,0,5,15,94,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0892097278182384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946803602250284,0.0,0.0,0.07606620150466342,0.0,0.0,0.12433328216005135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392083669215667,0.0936674386866287,0.0,0.16276088235374292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967069809360951,0.07874758280908023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636710710812178,0.10283173171111973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087352785573804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235619940982819,0.26123306643038124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552313622608068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007060448842782,0.09051712430905948,0.2425190439167209,0.0,0.08189160507673678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303351391367803,0.0,0.0612748351408219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330844969677888,0.2748713126991665,0.0,0.08090109833653313,0.07676718967570116,0.0,0.2993771045501717,0.0,0.08250734033115241,0.0,0.0610215046121193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778448856034333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592668057766622,0.0,0.0,0.06952668780261805,0.0,0.0,0.10150767227500627,0.0,0.08726779510696983,0.0,0.07982172927679543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745728571081119,0.0,0.14569490045034414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615936614027887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060733340225770566,0.23430508681874435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620660885749669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902499870372145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597598311125976,0.0,0.0,0.05886949988379049
ptsd,HelpMyDog_,2020/04/07,"I feel especially paranoid being at home in these times. I find myself becoming increasingly paranoid the longer I spend more time at home, even if I try to get outdoors. I have medical trauma so having any kind of doctor appointment, especially with them seeing the inside of my house is triggering because I feel like that’s the only place they can’t hurt me in. Just being inside alone is driving me nuts.",8.459342105263158,8.095536250000002,8.588421052631581,67.32894736842107,61.5,11.284210526315787,34.78947368421053,10.686352973137794,3.808510526315789,329,12,54,7,4,108,58,76,0.192,0.7759999999999999,0.032,-0.8906,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,0,7,11,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,3,12,2,8,9,2,9,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,1,3,37,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23033867277049944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123919641771544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557259029787527,0.2456226285652111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22763517668262506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468926848503994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490360529874406,0.15888215270392336,0.0,0.0,0.2032689929499332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619449041436322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461693982264953,0.0,0.0,0.256619010385312,0.2380831228683309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315947176958883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865309721962133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404396533157694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914474081553496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323600039270312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722350189311528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593657195582963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099457197285762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JimmyRicardatemycat,2020/04/07,"Abusers merging in dreams (no triggers) Hey people, I'm having trouble at the moment with nightmares, but in a different way from usual. I was severely abused by my first love a decade ago, as a teen. I've had some messy enmeshed relationships since then. I've just escaped a violent relationship with the father of my young daughter, with cops and court and refuges all that. 

SO with that in mind, in my vivid nightmares, they have all become this one entity of a terrible person who I loved and wish to go back to but know I can't. I wake up so confused, trying to seperate the stories and deeds of each person, and who I was as a person during each relationship. It's really messing with me. 
Any shared experiences or advice would be really helpful, thankyou",5.558541666666668,6.848064437500002,6.0871111111111125,77.069,67.81944444444444,8.815555555555557,31.06666666666667,9.120678840339163,2.7426800000000013,605,24,107,11,10,196,99,144,0.17600000000000002,0.682,0.142,-0.6754,1,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,4,8,1,1,9,0,8,3,1,1,2,25,14,13,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,12,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,5,0,2,3,1,10,3,21,9,5,15,0,0,1,2,16,6,0,3,7,75,16,0,0.0,0.3586206516816818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788536501754393,0.1341516637420474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291476720009764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636928375682025,0.0,0.0,0.1671405048202424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811559620243465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803722603595604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872769727285105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600865368992491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014384126950718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317119490837473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731762107445768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280784877262862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255028398649348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491844645890762,0.3964265018978194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390150167264653,0.0,0.0,0.4874398831816813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709684274339454,0.0,0.125188038292688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274830593615082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666770011532397,0.0,0.0,0.12012475391470018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403078751689158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750589899362882,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,isthisariotoracrisis,2020/04/07,"Anyone get flashbacks nightly to their traumatic events? Not sure if this is the right sub but I got sent to a psych ward late last December. Since then I get nightly flashbacks before sleeping to the cop calling my mom, the ambulance lights, being put in the back of a cop car etc. This happened at a job I’m temporarily not working at due to covid-19 too. Any tips can help on how not to think about this every night before bed.",4.690357142857142,5.955213988095237,4.760476190476194,85.86785714285716,69.83333333333333,7.504761904761906,29.47619047619048,7.793537801064563,1.7862761904761908,341,13,67,4,6,106,63,84,0.047,0.91,0.043,0.1825,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,7,0,3,1,1,1,1,8,10,4,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,11,7,1,17,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,9,38,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288096604341313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244436446845045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564953440097628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32235884315233404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341534204700872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112493773974127,0.0,0.0,0.1595915026544724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792452233418364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149361396796254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750031395728793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696183307517678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796656864106712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439966273550215,0.21366997127657564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184222089389688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5332634340483217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041581848028966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176058705857727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668721935252916,0.0,0.18955321349080853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852273346187242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137039313520705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789740912948534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LollipopDreamscape,2020/04/07,"Gf accidentally tripped a trigger and it's hard right now Hi. I have PTSD from an abusive situation in my childhood, multiple authority figure abusers. My gf and I have been together for five years, living together for four. 

Today, we went to an Asian food store, and I got some goodies. However, it made me be thinking about my family, my childhood in particular because these were foods that comforted me then, and also the smell of the store brought me back. However, it was all happy memories. I always had happy times in Asian food stores as a kid.

Well, we got home. We were happily eating our snacks, talking. We get in the house, I'm putting things away. 

All of a sudden, my gf is cursing, loud angry voice, going wild. She's lost her brand new chewing tobacco. She yells at me to go look for it around the car, she can't remember if she picked it up, she doesn't know if it fell out if her pocket.

I'm concerned at this point, but ok. I go look in a detailed way. I come back empty handed. She yells at me to look around the door, nitpicking where I looked. Telling me to look again harder. I believe this is where I was tripped.

You see, back in the day as a kid, we'd go out somewhere fun. We'd be having a great time, everyone happy and smiling. Then all of a sudden my mom would just blow up at the end. Screaming at us, her anger so wild she'd hurt us. She'd throw things, break things, go nuts. She'd give us impossible tasks, looking for something intangible and screaming at us to find it faster until us little children were crying and being beaten for literally nothing. 

So I'm looking for the tobacco. It's not there. It's not under the car, it's not near the door, not in the car. I come back in and she says she found it, it was in her pocket the whole time.

She notices I'm quiet, and she asks what's wrong. I tell her about what my mom used to do, that it's a PTSD response. The PTSD response is a despairing in the moment that someone I love is unhappy, angry, going wild with cursing. A leftover from my childhood feeling, a feeling telling me I'll never be happy, I'm trapped, they're going to beat me, I want to die.

I told her I know how stupid this response is. This is my flight mode. It's my inappropriate leftover. That I know I need a therapist to help me with these things, but no therapist has ever wanted to. She knows I've been to probably easily 100 therapists throughout my life. Nobody ever wanted to touch it. It's too much for them o guess.

I tell her that she shouldn't have to be my therapist or walk on eggshells to avoid my PTSD. I honestly haven't had an episode in years. It was just a very specific course of events today. 

We seem ok now, she wants me to make some rice so she can enjoy her bean sauce that we got today. 


But it concerns me. What do you think? I don't know what to do about it. I'm still affected, I can't get over the feeling at the drop of a hat. I know she's trying to put on a smiling face, trying to ignore it. What do I do? What would you do?",1.5516504592112383,3.5929966272285263,3.2039683954619136,90.407465289033,80.2965964343598,6.252717450027013,22.92514856834143,7.365786028017652,0.8478255213398165,2337,78,504,33,60,773,268,617,0.131,0.758,0.111,-0.9329999999999999,2,2,3,0,1,1,91.0,14,3,1,3,27,24,3,1,34,2,47,10,2,7,6,78,104,26,1,11,13,2,6,0,3,3,1,8,3,3,42,23,6,2,16,0,3,21,12,11,1,2,20,23,91,13,70,71,7,92,0,3,8,1,64,35,0,8,33,334,133,1,0.0,0.13519418796179886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456243309537346,0.04747169612793308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157645571584714,0.05333576326055142,0.0,0.053602075976072784,0.1754773546634885,0.0,0.034778268406538936,0.0,0.0,0.06427787991141311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829020637221432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266876058614712,0.03679371308194829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921079626028414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058378269080739585,0.0,0.0,0.05053099094969957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321330007468804,0.0,0.05451547218949657,0.0,0.0,0.053783391513209516,0.0,0.08654136429966032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214434259909866,0.0,0.20696191202098504,0.0625543911189544,0.0,0.0,0.05961445696527452,0.054729317691712666,0.2269671037387065,0.0,0.13688869005061982,0.06289984828012897,0.0628490271161937,0.0,0.0,0.24293095222393996,0.05110723704789197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03824064165891025,0.0,0.05722764111909205,0.0,0.0,0.06583015638922002,0.061075168158910426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881251752466977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040297397503358784,0.0,0.057180925617540006,0.05037781456751585,0.0,0.3353642012030543,0.0,0.06227881614409656,0.0,0.051491507542733,0.053983824687275486,0.0380825421397991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363683665463666,0.0,0.0,0.04193966238111728,0.04230321193213121,0.044001891433976766,0.055101016688467015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474277331891709,0.06495389102669852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053932423813356944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061511526365374915,0.0,0.2667621631064364,0.11470570177387487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462860621292144,0.048721954420579666,0.0,0.04536990820640551,0.0,0.0,0.04546292508864251,0.051937846861165135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412865167634499,0.0,0.0,0.04833983371920742,0.04392128903294552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556166824556795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458561029999064,0.19946326994311128,0.0,0.0,0.2649663056881796,0.1516108134757011,0.07311302301592182,0.0,0.0,0.0998021494289643,0.0,0.16223540291043684,0.05451547218949657,0.0,0.07746890046822104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431316578445027,0.04927446668314226,0.0,0.047073737914943306,0.13460259917375025,0.04528509020173182,0.0,0.0,0.051296450321595126,0.052887621598718924,0.0,0.0636963351055475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105597180414256,0.06237722421747741,0.0,0.07347902102132342
ptsd,grayperegrine,2020/04/07,"Help without Therapy I have a good relationship with my therapist and was starting EMDR in early winter. 

Cue: coronavirus. We had one session of teletherapy. Then I got an e-mail saying the clinic was temporarily closing because insurance wasn’t compensating teletherapy And once this crisis is over, therapy will resume. (I am in the US in an epicenter.)

This whole situation is making my PTSD spiral. The social isolation, the working from home, the lack of routine and interaction, the total lack of human contact, the catastrophic headlines (due to the nature of my job I cannot avoid them), the revisiting of my own medical trauma and the death of my husband in the hospital, etc. I am so hyper vigilant, so on edge with intrusive thoughts and memories, so easy to startle, and beginning to engage with destructive behaviors. 

Ive been at this game for a while. This is the start of a downward spiral and I need to nip it in the bud because this pandemic isn’t ending anytime soon. 

But I can’t see my therapist and, if my insurance isn’t paying out, I can’t see any one. I am making money but not the kind of money to pay completely out of pocket. 

Any advice? Please help.",5.957397260273975,7.2492947853881295,7.3460091324200905,68.39956164383564,66.89954337899543,10.954155251141552,34.234703196347034,10.93419730881044,4.3021930593607305,934,43,153,28,15,320,128,219,0.10099999999999999,0.8290000000000001,0.07,-0.5815,1,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,1,1,4,7,1,2,19,0,19,2,0,2,1,28,29,16,1,4,5,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,6,15,0,1,1,1,4,0,8,4,0,2,7,3,20,3,30,21,6,22,0,0,2,0,14,12,0,1,10,119,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320715039913726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199318310408446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867127223577167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365508688148527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297999706998002,0.0,0.16344220160109768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291934706572614,0.11720957524456994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645900757454354,0.0,0.1470017904036571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542845136203525,0.0,0.0,0.15260947202856992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564678075838207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476338994282952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866510959114126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607117038389826,0.19861240414946787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608681013666992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130933069123114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734006010456325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654259386494525,0.0,0.0,0.23356305639472505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472855473768944,0.0,0.14938946407992296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074579587592304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351858304458366,0.3403121338842901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634448172678835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628183535417144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636180544849156,0.0,0.1412691543322137,0.0,0.10669028434962116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DifferentNet4,2020/04/08,"PTSD symptoms have evolved from typical flashbacks to preoccupation with the trauma with obsessive thinking. Can anyone relate? TRIGGER WARNING - sexual violence So about 4 years ago, a series of repressed memories from various traumatic events in my childhood surfaced, causing intense flashbacks for about 1-2 years. To give some context, I’ve been raped multiple times, witnessed murder, stabbings, & have had a gun to my head. 

Once I remembered pretty much everything, typical flashbacks and dissociation have become simply anxiety attacks and emotional flashbacks. 

Problem is, now the flashbacks have processed and gone, I still spend countless time preoccupied with these events for literally no reason. 
I feel silly because it’s shit that happened years ago and has no real impact or place in my life today, it’s simply become obsessive thinking about these traumatic events. 
Can anyone here relate to this? If so, it would be great to share experiences so I can understand why I’m doing this and how to stop.",8.257692307692308,10.870210153846152,7.633846153846152,63.48615384615386,62.84615384615384,10.170414201183434,39.62721893491124,10.389873798559362,5.10558224852071,832,45,106,21,13,260,114,169,0.266,0.6659999999999999,0.068,-0.9903,0,0,0,1,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,10,12,4,3,4,0,14,5,2,4,0,25,22,11,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,8,0,2,6,0,1,1,2,9,0,0,3,1,7,3,19,17,3,20,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,3,15,71,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263005367645596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073638043879898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348679141222115,0.0,0.0,0.20745852856009908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687687198128827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043234277487848,0.32768024407989693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239557291610098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687297017729316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332676520543166,0.14511405961273022,0.0,0.0,0.07500985221642087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231014492951646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635556024142649,0.0,0.0,0.13118477636400766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522491577167635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478348206876507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905378841687174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798713918383814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154993420691695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092454797759894,0.0,0.1419502237782788,0.17341236696587198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885395584477925,0.0,0.15252776504187465,0.0,0.0,0.16805081270264385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227840175156268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118471924824291,0.12402663882168648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419170148351427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011245417383368,0.0,0.0,0.1730073136731713,0.0,0.14061776926055605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443682993330102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338621488955856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538307054937958,0.0,0.0,0.28659621310445105
ptsd,throwawaythelasagna,2020/04/08,"Is yelling, arguing, and fighting really a trigger? I’ve always thought that I could possibly have PTSD, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Hearing my parents raise their voice makes me anxious, my siblings raising their voice makes me anxious, I get angry very easily, I get defensive, I try to avoid conflict as much as possible. Even writing this, I thought back to all the bullying I had to deal with through school and broke down. I don’t even remember the majority of the things said, but I remember feeling horrible. Everywhere I went there was arguing and fighting. Even starting adulthood, I can’t deal with conflict. I want to cry, break things, harm myself. I’m sorry if this came out messy, there’s way too much to unpack. Does this sound like PTSD, a mix of mental issues, or me overreacting?",5.614894641782058,7.2376298874172225,5.783503913305236,78.04751354605659,68.00662251655629,9.19951836243227,34.91932570740518,9.573946990214177,3.515762913907285,647,32,113,14,11,205,100,151,0.321,0.614,0.065,-0.9933,1,1,0,0,5,0,25.0,0,0,2,0,8,9,5,1,6,0,8,0,0,3,1,29,23,9,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,7,7,0,4,6,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,8,7,19,1,15,14,5,9,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,3,4,73,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091916086769544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964989462296772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090567751384992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500890480372841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477430436533618,0.0,0.14414700422228752,0.0,0.2705791253307507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483787633654005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600231407958074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635245529260382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712167433198502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479026809454148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696718554773926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803008677440166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411102006205252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156474002798596,0.0,0.0,0.17519045570001296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224623242923694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293429880496385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457123638293086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29587808003168925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067953338473238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406755531003507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973098521662432,0.0,0.12482719324592688,0.0,0.0,0.13280901242149507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689819530782094,0.0928833436275873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436314653282925,0.08408514177404948,0.0,0.20835960288116967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909470857923002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082762485569904,0.07740124924266642,0.1041621060870103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164900251086935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Fysco,2020/04/08,"Building a PTSD-awareness website. Need your help. Hi,

Hope you all are doing well.

During this COVID crisis a lot of medical staff will unfortunately  come to witness traumatizing events. Nurses treating COVID patients will see the people they tend to, die horribly. And not just nurses, almost everyone involved in treatment and curing of COVID patients and deceased patients.

In the news doctors are warning that PTSD treatment will be necessary for a lot of medical workers. So I reached out into my circles, to the people now working hospitals here in Europe. And indeed, my friends and family working the hospital shifts are ALREADY seeing this happen to their colleagues.

The thing is, very few people actually take it serious in the early stages of it 'rooting' in your mind. I run a web and design agency, and I want to help. So I'm making a website focussed on recognizing PTSD symptoms early and getting help. And not just that, I want to offer advise on how to cope when help is not (yet) available. I have reached out and a couple of skilled psychologists are helping me with that part of the information.

I was hoping you guys and gals were able and willing to share your tips on how to cope and what to look out for. Especially in the beginning. What is something that you noticed in the beginning, for example, that you wished you would have acted on. Or that you knew that this was not regular stress? What information is gold to have in the early stages? What were you missing?

I sincerely hope I don't come off wrong here. I do NOT want to offend or provoke. I genuinely want to help. I will be doing all of this 100% nonprofit and I'm paying for the domain and hosting out of my own pocket.

All the best, and stay safe!",4.9333946488294345,6.991261990683231,5.474161490683234,77.87393215480174,70.39751552795029,7.9352126134734835,31.018155757286195,8.617729084823388,2.6783784997611093,1379,60,234,24,26,443,163,322,0.073,0.762,0.165,0.9761,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,10,2,5,12,15,1,1,18,0,27,4,0,5,3,60,52,23,1,10,9,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,18,24,0,1,3,0,1,4,6,5,1,0,5,3,27,10,44,39,9,34,0,1,3,0,27,18,0,8,9,178,45,8,0.10558154336335593,0.0,0.10303235600190357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572466445606042,0.0,0.11651185855285705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080131589626184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189830155755207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682396953850345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957697283521638,0.0,0.0,0.10806718350545436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088768928132624,0.0,0.0,0.0995328825662458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157203849618648,0.0,0.055161998689854434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045423274363235,0.093365410107814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246144977182453,0.0,0.0,0.3145988867946412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866190503403203,0.0,0.0,0.17952330507160966,0.0,0.0,0.07047650004916052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272459439372068,0.0,0.0,0.10660726088226008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828737658505015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020528690893835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433452261622346,0.0,0.21959084463617626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702575224417013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826964074418788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128183032861758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253587715398622,0.0,0.0,0.12094330119992555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973965000545392,0.07938418082404783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014368594505467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711583066849783,0.2490989191966792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949304873172716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141356425980712,0.0,0.0,0.1537292420772711,0.0,0.0,0.07500209912285997,0.11543684319947907,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Thr0wMeAwei,2020/04/08,"How do I tell my family that their behavior triggers me TW sexual assault and domestic violence


I was raped and molested as a child by two men close to my family. One of them was from the age of 10-15. He would beat my mother and tell me if I didn’t do what he wanted sexually he would hit my mom. It took me 8 years to finally tell my family.

I have sought therapy but it’s hard for me. I continue to shut down even talking about things that upset me in my every day life. 

I have a sibling who lived through this with me. He took away the anger from the situation. And he is brash and can be hurtful towards me when we talk. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m just not ok to deal with things like that. And I mean arguments were people could disagree and work it out. I just shut down as soon as he starts to get angry. 

I don’t know how to tell my siblings that I can’t cope with those feelings and emotions of anger.

I always distance myself from them but I feel lonely and guilty for not talking to them. 

I don’t really know what to do. Part of me wants to send them an article about people with PTSD.

I have tried really hard to cope and try different techniques but I just seem lost. I just wanted to get this off my chest.",1.5290364583333336,3.4288934140625003,3.27390625,90.58880208333336,79.703125,7.079166666666668,21.213541666666664,8.07648339933343,0.9162010416666666,958,27,213,18,24,319,138,256,0.201,0.775,0.024,-0.9932,1,2,0,0,1,0,19.0,1,0,5,3,11,12,5,1,6,1,19,3,1,3,0,43,37,20,0,7,10,2,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,15,17,0,0,7,0,0,3,6,9,0,2,7,5,40,3,38,25,1,21,0,3,0,1,26,10,0,2,10,146,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425867833840457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643101573795298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044547995002376,0.0,0.0,0.07305672746388794,0.11678750340190272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835429779025836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274256230836676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748208825622775,0.0,0.0954439374869578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203730947550297,0.0,0.17183448846034607,0.08092780726833973,0.0,0.12409355031835713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183690573908536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295464500276272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126941102842285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451230120467813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001356047838573,0.11068652786047707,0.0,0.10002899845655924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365934603227392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380576301538545,0.12339597180739514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267307288162572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676198389609667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267203863848353,0.0,0.15706925001871036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241916223797562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514112852954172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312656172390768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273323357637396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203758163619028,0.0,0.08018071458119347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731523843727334,0.39604955658686064,0.0,0.12954643708718247,0.0,0.150517424756824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517182151385409,0.1538204186087054,0.0,0.11065885543136532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044780575418852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824697523217362,0.0,0.0,0.16094282271068538,0.0,0.0,0.07294910411884785
ptsd,NSPsych321,2020/04/08,"My Girlfriend Has PTSD My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to being sexually assaulted when she was a kid. Even though it’s now almost 20 years later she is easily triggered by girls who wear short shorts, sex scenes in movies, basically anything sexual. These triggers have also caused her a lot of aggression and rage. Has anyone else experienced this? Also how can I best support my girlfriend when a trigger occurs?",6.780043859649119,9.173718671052633,6.73947368421053,69.30464912280705,66.23684210526315,9.803508771929828,32.40350877192982,10.125756701596842,3.85681403508772,353,15,52,9,6,112,64,76,0.11,0.775,0.115,0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,3,0,3,0,8,3,1,5,0,9,9,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,7,2,5,6,2,10,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,2,7,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430952472145504,0.0,0.0,0.3582748322018815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663011514201072,0.2295204891825843,0.1843377473470258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23508034416634754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301157373346232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273612463083973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712816349719474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795376679215508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904417831175685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237017575210392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117877580400716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25419921064970485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008463336654013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425243820818304
ptsd,RamenTheory,2020/04/08,"Would anyone be able to submit an audio recording describing the impact of the shelter-in-place on their PTSD? I am creating a PSA about mental health Hello,

I am an NYU student directing a PSA to help people recognize the impact that the shelter-in-place can have on one's mental health and to make them aware of the resources that are available to help with such.

I am seeking people with diagnosed mental health problems to **submit audio content** describing their experiences during quarantine. I would like to know how the isolation has affected your mental well-being, how coping with your mental health condition is different during quarantine, etc.

Even if you are only able to record on an iPhone, that would be totally fine.

The final PSA will be a compilation of people's audio with animation over each statement. **We fully intend to treat this issue with care and integrity and to tell your story as honestly as possible.**

Please PM me for my email if you are interested!

Thank you all for your time,
Noah Shipman",5.125569053708438,7.861006684782611,5.689872122762152,73.54694373401539,71.82608695652173,8.677237851662403,27.671355498721233,9.325443323948027,2.983878900255754,826,31,126,20,17,266,109,184,0.036000000000000004,0.8,0.16399999999999998,0.9711,1,3,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,7,3,0,5,8,0,0,13,0,17,5,0,5,2,25,21,9,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,4,5,3,0,0,4,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,17,7,26,14,4,6,0,0,0,0,16,4,0,2,3,91,21,1,0.2290387835745568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007462144615085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676015224450075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623477204982828,0.0,0.11964839020764675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771939367690022,0.07563897821739042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202193971637404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254503960393159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4869150332067636,0.0,0.0,0.15351986869967452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952849195385655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293686278545768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055948390229349096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644258327565923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5770430583658438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760130366021432,0.08709715789565822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23817998078741415,0.0,0.0,0.1257079026545061,0.0,0.12910340738535392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957959175873802,0.13386704065868807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009499606859763,0.10543406979220256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677717829171541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296668644282207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440538706114463,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pinkmelody299,2020/04/08,"Flashbacks, ED, stalemate in relationships Ever since my trauma was inflicted about 2-3 years ago, my dating life has drastically changed. I already was sort of traumatized by my own family issues, a previous heart break, and excessive drug use. But being in a sexually, mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive relationship those years ago was probably the most scariest thing I’ve ever been through. 

As of this year, I have been clean off of drugs besides marijuana (a wax pen). I have been becoming healthier on the outside and my mindset has been changing since I’ve left highschool especially. but I can’t stop having flashbacks. 

I also haven’t been able to talk romantically to people anymore. Everything they say feels manipulative. Like they just want me for sex. They just want to take control of me. And I feel sorry for turning everyone down because I’m too broken inside. Hell, I can’t even have sex anymore. I’ve tried many times to have a friends with benefit or hook up. I tense up and then I get reminded. and sometimes I just start crying. It is the worst. How tense I am about sex scares me genuinely. I’m worried about when I turn 21 and have to see a gynecologist and have a pap smear. And being in absolute pain. 

I’m becoming increasingly lonely. I have been sent into a sort of relapse in my eating disorder as well. I’m so adamant on getting a revenge body and to not be the same person I was during the abuse. I’ve been doing a lot of strength training, but also restricting to the point I am dizzy. I can’t help it though. My flashbacks send me into anger. I get sucked out of reality and it’s like I see the trauma play through again and it feels like I’m literally trying to pull myself out of my head. Then I just go harder on myself. I have already lost about 7 lbs this past month. 

I want to be dangerous I want to be strong. I want to walk out of quarantine knowing nobody can fuck with me anymore.",3.306705069124422,5.6619288870967726,4.764282642089097,79.83570967741936,75.98924731182797,7.907342549923196,28.101689708141322,8.759644201051973,2.4404573579109057,1534,65,284,34,35,511,200,372,0.231,0.6559999999999999,0.114,-0.9954,0,3,2,0,1,0,44.0,0,0,3,4,20,21,5,1,16,0,36,13,3,4,2,50,65,26,0,5,9,0,3,3,1,0,5,1,1,1,8,19,1,3,4,1,0,6,5,12,1,0,13,6,40,9,49,47,6,42,1,2,2,4,12,18,3,5,20,189,48,2,0.0915169485941806,0.21686523824385015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224850622407164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019824569735356,0.1463721414532068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722806650032871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578788243340607,0.2021465592015751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165469886890342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362559379661407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264403969246322,0.0,0.0,0.10052707072586477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488635174552667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122612113220544,0.09364468564311004,0.0,0.10294424932392912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060446081429557826,0.1655646388952459,0.0,0.0874483662544117,0.0822495323495389,0.0,0.08627403433474685,0.0,0.13882115695755204,0.0653797263616336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070576746625742,0.08460594429085691,0.1434414852531061,0.0,0.05201119089498081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392279189793794,0.0,0.0,0.1084480247210316,0.06134188154819646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551991748262308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050295321572390375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943343242255487,0.0,0.0646411272697788,0.1341316751504601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990156015028397,0.0778044370177205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278382172143068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222755916690448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304795524525605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738048572884386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736328279172613,0.0634463290967464,0.0799090695391745,0.0,0.0,0.08651309731345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986707492465522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650990705647525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727779507434443,0.09162443080354,0.0,0.14585431858056908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140753117431685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051260224196088,0.10244573134824783,0.0647761672501104,0.0,0.0,0.07651226688242857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880935591804371,0.07355785667960245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079979413397998,0.0,0.08991493733685486,0.0,0.053364268685071985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426800153033984,0.19908832063425666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904125996598148,0.0,0.0,0.26989533701612484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822847275298545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293990363579002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680174318089256
ptsd,herazn18,2020/04/08,"Am I the only one who... I have been in therapy a lot on and off since I was 8 for mental health and being unsocial and my elementary teachers couldn't  stand me for it. So that was the first therapy experience ever. Now I am a student in high school  who sees a therapist once every 2 weeks and I've known my therapist for 4 years only been in therapy with him for almost 3. 

According to my therapist I have PTSD (it is probaly mild in compairson to yours) but it is relatively mild giving what the memories are when triggered. The problem  with my therapy is I am so uncomfortable to talk about it the moment my therapist brings up trying to work on my PTSD I back out. I want to get better  but its so hard if I can't  even talk about it. 

My triggers are certain phrases and smells.... 

나만 그래!",2.9162211538461555,4.506153987500003,4.918749999999998,81.7189423076923,74.75,8.673076923076923,27.30769230769231,9.265573868473778,2.3672836538461537,618,24,126,15,13,213,95,160,0.066,0.861,0.07200000000000001,-0.1632,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,3,10,3,0,0,8,0,17,1,0,2,2,21,22,12,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,4,3,19,2,22,16,1,20,0,0,1,0,7,10,0,3,8,95,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792214733126008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055210446567544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415137404658296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778103006345773,0.10652293623337733,0.09921999736996782,0.0,0.0,0.11519433585953515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016873452135412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152605326352412,0.11296853437205978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549208191535776,0.0,0.0,0.12517604589844042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442256198948624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011747844727063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867691639531976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541323439781735,0.07979892742087448,0.17912739744457218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268282202902925,0.27531615469616705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191819515321499,0.09384147714869803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741436876952572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930609649087804,0.0,0.0,0.5386867929180044,0.5469254226808197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995301708863713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945938206731436,0.0,0.09446198566192564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573251296953989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758351982262116
ptsd,_lovely_lacerations_,2020/04/08,"Whenever a man yells at me I start crying so hard and get really triggered and it's exhausting Thanks, dad. I really appreciate it.",2.518666666666668,5.344096599999999,5.596,69.78466666666668,83.0,11.333333333333336,24.333333333333336,10.504223727775694,4.109133333333333,105,4,18,5,3,38,21,25,0.254,0.545,0.201,-0.1464,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4783918077085254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275381511173837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901351054281685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5580029910630063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082591338179423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009628860612341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway1994nz,2020/04/08,"Undiagnosed ptsd keeps me up at night and have flashbacks during the day Caution Death Hello there

first time poster so sorry if this goes on 

I do believe that I have ptsd. I have never told anyone about what is going on so its technically undiagnosed

​

lets start from the beginning 

On the 17 of December 2018 the bodies of two Scandinavian women where found to be decapitated in Morocco by isis. I vividly remember reading about it in a news article on it (thanks Microsoft news app). morbid curiosity got the better of me and I read more articles. Than I stumbled across a video I never want to see again ill spare you the details. thankfully the 3 people directly responsible had been arrested.

Since that night when I try to go to sleep this stupid memory keeps poping back into my head and I keep replaying that video over and over again and some times during the day. this has been going on once or twice a month since  December 2018. For the past 2 weeks its happened every night, Last week I decided to search the article again to see if theirs been any update within the court case and found that the isis members where handed a death penalty, I was hoping that this verdict would bring me some closure but hear I am, still unable to sleep and having panic attacks during the day 

​

I don't know what I am going to get out of typing this maybe just putting it out there will help",5.261377358490567,7.016577807547172,5.5631603773584875,78.77719339622644,69.0377358490566,8.620754716981134,27.212264150943398,9.120678840339163,2.277456603773585,1129,37,201,22,20,359,162,265,0.091,0.862,0.046,-0.8975,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,2,15,7,2,1,17,0,19,6,5,0,2,32,43,14,2,5,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,17,10,0,3,5,4,0,6,3,3,0,3,9,5,20,4,34,30,3,49,1,0,3,0,7,18,0,6,25,139,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440128598714595,0.24044405198064997,0.06728208713657054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918062854044107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255768751139587,0.0,0.07607818103036289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147066112379464,0.0,0.08750373208919184,0.0,0.10989920962272456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142290604932088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336059074812398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841576809668362,0.0,0.2169635757693421,0.0,0.0,0.05169167791169813,0.0,0.224917837915846,0.0,0.0791307616313349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749165769938605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154022106203464,0.0,0.11151173267031324,0.0,0.06631689802762095,0.0,0.0,0.09826900592078774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638252712682484,0.0,0.0,0.05437442784277755,0.08064869922810937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011720930281107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939778141277852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897237053805849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261610792399252,0.0,0.0,0.2785433694605017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536707905819197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160838997539885,0.0,0.0,0.09444871546212713,0.06859202278674673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313093923233775,0.09946127990705812,0.0,0.0,0.1979320615737762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207889046733424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768355531442166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368715063967948,0.0,0.19802141833340586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075439728481153,0.07002971493090747,0.0,0.07901301798123986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821799488045391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538455213265415,0.0,0.0,0.09454069945701522,0.0,0.06717326056512275,0.0,0.0966492770850991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835693686365245,0.0,0.1587262071507046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028360905409327,0.0,0.24044405198064997,0.0
ptsd,ohlylamay,2020/04/08,"Anxiety twitching Hi, I’ve been dealing with twitches a lot and I’m just wondering if anyone has gone through the same thing, it started when I would get triggered or start thinking about stuff, I’d just twitch my neck or my leg but overtime it’s gotten worse, I twitch a lot now and it’s really intense, my head hits my shoulder or I shake my head really hard and it’s like my body will cringe and my whole body tenses and my shoulders move back and I can hear popping noise (sorry tmi). Sorry for asking this if it’s not allowed or a strange question. I’ve been to the doctors about this and they say it’s just ptsd and anxiety but it’s getting really bad and extremely intense and repetitive, I don’t even need to be triggered to cringe or twitch, i do it a lot. I just want to know if anyone is going through the same thing and how they manage it or knows if this is more than just anxiety twitches because it’s really starting to affect my life a lot",3.3665986394557805,4.734285591836738,4.316204081632652,87.39070068027212,73.18367346938777,7.26748299319728,27.862585034013605,7.793537801064563,1.6133691156462584,760,29,156,10,15,246,101,196,0.133,0.8140000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.935,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,12,3,0,1,8,0,11,16,8,5,0,49,29,25,0,7,18,0,1,1,0,2,8,2,0,0,16,12,0,0,5,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,4,3,18,1,12,21,8,11,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,16,8,107,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798135253754682,0.0,0.0,0.17050354942410012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398205234180825,0.0,0.0,0.09375167711741213,0.10180106396298423,0.0743234589239212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27085913665302885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569781709873815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479391052894695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052934892455367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274000358999296,0.0,0.06929195806422217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921954448801488,0.0,0.25025745596202553,0.0,0.13741669180994245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401197908571474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611820269690852,0.05956568352361046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146201380336068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958542875273632,0.0,0.0904047607441127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252209483472886,0.0,0.13658226940326218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31242936951272393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969584934345624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729668441845424,0.2588943295137377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957328446280293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200116601643275,0.07812368199886971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191366339606416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361232793560066,0.0,0.0,0.13222087927547718,0.0,0.0,0.12425050447129035,0.08661098535013627,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,aisyahz,2020/04/08,"Need Tips to Overcome I keep having visions and nightmares about my near-death experience. I was involved in a car accident due to a collision from another car, it was on a highway from them going 160 kmh i think. it was pretty bad because the damage cause my car front window to crash and the airbag to blow. After that I keep having recurring nightmares about re-experiencing the trauma about how I should of died. Now i have anxiety flashbacks of the sounds of the car skidding really loud. 

If anyone has tips to overcome this type of PTSD, please let me know.",6.136711590296493,7.206950622641512,6.345902964959572,76.53669811320755,66.35849056603774,9.076010781671158,31.18059299191375,9.23628265651192,2.760281940700809,450,17,79,8,7,144,72,106,0.20199999999999999,0.7340000000000001,0.065,-0.9403,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,8,0,9,0,0,2,0,11,15,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,3,2,10,0,17,10,0,12,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,53,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610095620173665,0.1904196447630097,0.0,0.0,0.17404747645027105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783401099338786,0.15173655340849376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25570474323071124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583349476772342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434870819565581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146439156381835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424949937269832,0.0,0.0,0.13679742652136434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545329212850552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456765879360976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732344259858482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532365084454874,0.0,0.0,0.29096885112568305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946161682940532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949497531087545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Trollfaceente,2020/04/08,"Does PTSD make you more emotional or less emotional? Hey guys,

I will firstly give you some background on what happened to me. I was 18 y/o and a volunteer in EMS. We were called to an MVA 30 minutes before our shift was meant to end. The station I worked at is right next to the Autobahn (German highway if you can call it that). There was already a traffic jam almost a kilometre before we got to the actual accident site. Anyway, it was a horrific accident with 5 victims involved. We were only 3 paramedics on site for about 30 minutes until the next ambulance arrived. During that time, an off-duty paramedic and me tended to the victim that was injured the worst. He was driving down the Autobahn when a wrong-way driver struck his car head on. He was stuck inside his vehicle. When he was eventually freed by bystanders, he was unresponsive and barely breathing. I think the part that got me was that I, an 18 y/o, who had finished basic training only 5 months ago, was now alone with doing CPR on a trauma patient, while my partner with over 15 years of experience had to tend to other patients. TL;DR, the man sadly did not make it and died from his severe injuries. After that accident and some other problems I had in my family I went to see my doctor and he diagnosed me with PTSD.

Which now brings me to my question. Has anyone else felt a change in emotional behavior? Ever since this happened, I have become either completely numb to emotions, as in something that used to give me joy doesn't give me the same joy anymore or no joy at all, or I'm completely overwhelmed by my emotions. I find myself crying a lot just because a video on Facebook has a sad title and I haven't even watched the video. 

Can't wait to hear you guys' opinions

(P.S. English is not my native language, so apologies if something isn't easy to understand)",4.754359696641386,6.197599743661975,5.523732394366199,79.7791630552546,69.87323943661971,8.053087757313111,30.83694474539545,8.502166056373571,2.486092091007584,1459,61,261,23,26,475,206,355,0.158,0.7859999999999999,0.057,-0.9882,0,1,2,0,0,0,43.0,4,4,0,2,11,13,2,1,24,0,29,6,2,3,2,42,52,18,1,3,9,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,4,16,14,0,1,6,2,0,4,7,9,0,1,23,4,35,4,40,28,10,37,0,3,2,0,31,16,0,11,17,181,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0904268319983734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082141167550814,0.0,0.09278974918011143,0.09597210121589166,0.10225718083145452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189792557676717,0.06479292003372078,0.09494536020882316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648719861788967,0.10234026047836504,0.15770071327955448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924089131073327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802637147369853,0.0,0.19431317195458636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017872047275674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405214978914278,0.09617074575366764,0.0,0.0,0.09484567204504736,0.0810910118612035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740899713019975,0.5211734165633312,0.0820729223424417,0.0,0.0,0.061203789397462176,0.08382001819605488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906433080916452,0.08735550267301907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897210442593541,0.0,0.08469334363526754,0.07882006868324469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666756552570712,0.0,0.0,0.14822395282486725,0.0,0.0,0.18350413106400698,0.16388518290550494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510013947954793,0.0,0.1044392184656955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877973666448654,0.0,0.0,0.12370806370109698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396363110743669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709872462445124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140950505535459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034623170259688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866706576847604,0.2166388377216902,0.0,0.10380504205760324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791346677826431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384132094252123,0.0,0.0,0.10468410045778062,0.0,0.07665273274977923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267476161586365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937543819574138,0.0,0.0,0.0540332042161732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646663592555972,0.0,0.08003206352268875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355247980584677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590058454758857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674605962922067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013136885487605,0.0,0.05967266693903591
ptsd,OffTheDeepEndAsking,2020/04/08,"Do you feel the same? After being assulted 10 yrs ago anyone who looks like my assulters I now react differently to them. I feel low level anxiety when I see them, and I would never get in any kind of romantic/sexual relationship with them.

Ive been to therapy but it's not a cure all. So yeah..",1.7035000000000018,3.877894350000002,4.830000000000002,78.245,80.5,9.333333333333334,21.666666666666664,9.725611199111238,2.3831666666666664,231,7,46,8,6,84,52,60,0.054000000000000006,0.9129999999999999,0.033,-0.0387,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,2,11,10,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,10,2,6,7,2,8,0,1,2,0,6,3,0,0,6,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26809245588047304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056677637490495,0.0,0.2313637390146004,0.0,0.0,0.21147122172035845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31598265214529464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058428149349346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158011028685175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149419516422822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775560872359958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539711966997921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23325832301470306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32470452156186186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24100340507933946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34586345853974354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484281058384253,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,actuallylikespitbull,2020/04/08,"[Please be careful reading this] I don't know what to title this I've been venting to a good friend about stuff I've gone through with a toxic loved one. I like them a lot as a person. I was telling him about my recent suicidal thoughts, feelings of hopelessness, etc. He suddenly starts asking me questions about my past. Like if I've ever been in a life-threatening situation. I was worried he was trying to figure out how valid my experiences are, because I've never been in a 'real' dangerous situation, like war or physical abuse. He asks me if I've ever felt shaky after negative fights with my toxic loved one, or if I had the desire to hurt myself or others or run away from the experience. Stuff like that. Then he brought up a brain chemical called cortisol, and I had never heard of it before, because I haven't had chemistry in a long time. Around that moment I realised he was asking me about PTSD symptoms. In the end he told me I've been showing symptoms of it while talking about my feelings. He has it too. Not once in my life did I think I may have it. Sincerely, I thought that was reserved for victims of CSA and war and domestic abuse. I haven't been through those things. I don't even know how to describe my situation. I've just had a rocky relationship with my cousin. Just realised how tough talking about this is. I don't know what to wri te. It's been an hour and I still keep rewriting this post. This is hard. I'm trying to avoid saying everything because it's exhausting trimming it so it'd be understandable.

I'm going to talk to a psychiatrist about this tomorrow. I don't want to self-diagnose. This is so hard to accept and I don't know why, like I don't deserve this title. It makes an uncomfortable amount of sense or maybe I'm just forcing myself to relate to the symptoms. I don't even know what I felt about my situation before that. I acknowledged I was depressed and needed help but I didn't think about why. Kind of thought I was overreacting or overemotional like I've been told. I don't know. I just want to be loved. I feel like just a kid. I'm 16. I shouldn't be experiencing this. 

I wanted to put myself into a coma so my cousin would finally realise how much she's hurt me. I self-harmed but that wasn't enough for her, she told me I take it too lightly. No matter what I told her or what I did she didn't acknowledge the damage. I begged her to stop arguing with me so we could be friends again and our fights made me feel awful. She kept dismissing me as manipulative. I felt the need to injure myself and I wanted to hospitalise myself for her approval. I called a crisis hotline and I felt pathetic. I mostly cried on the line. I told her that and she told me ''fuck your crisis hotline''. Then I started hating myself and that's why I wanted to kill myself. What doesn't help is that her friends (my friends too) are mad at me and upset as well. her boyfriend called me selfish for cutting her off and that I should care about her feelings. And that he's extremely angry at me. Same with my boyfriend, he's not talking to anyone. He defended my cousin and I still feel hurt over it. I felt so unloved after that. They seem sorry for it but i dont know.

Now it's hard for me to trust people who are nice. My cousin was a nice person. I keep thinking the good people I know all have repressed anger against me. That eventually I'll piss them off. That all people who are always nice are actually terrible people. Or that I need to stop complimenting nice people because that will make them cocky, that they can't do wrong. I used to try to nap but I couldn't stop thinking about it all and crying, and shaking, I felt nauseous and numb and my stomach felt hollow. What my cousin said and how my friends reacted. Why didn't I fucking think that was a problem back then? I didn't feel anything about it, I was distracted by feelings. I need to end this soon because it's getting too long. Thank you so much.",2.17260193358554,4.407982353089533,3.433764186633041,88.55215111391342,79.18915510718789,6.286086591004624,23.911937788986968,7.419758726546812,1.050427826817991,3118,109,638,44,78,1012,297,793,0.192,0.682,0.126,-0.9946,0,1,0,0,4,4,85.0,2,2,5,1,44,65,15,6,25,1,67,16,3,11,7,138,147,53,4,19,22,5,18,7,5,5,8,3,0,3,57,29,0,8,38,3,0,6,26,35,1,2,50,23,119,30,80,84,11,56,0,6,0,5,79,16,3,17,40,435,176,1,0.0,0.11551805358134085,0.047571525114992484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04056267521243772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03408609982834841,0.0,0.04011587971129756,0.04339651959484205,0.1367198616528184,0.0,0.045800840835145386,0.03748460411637044,0.0,0.14858323178759836,0.0,0.08296280292740432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441947231509674,0.14933307318452854,0.0,0.09940473357231272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03892172786970948,0.0,0.10709592405425536,0.0,0.0,0.04198703030352507,0.04947872337155106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713290436585576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635344178693606,0.050370254211623326,0.054367487779066116,0.06439587764185868,0.08819165755634294,0.0,0.0,0.043812027976151205,0.09537081665020103,0.0,0.0,0.19718973838323745,0.03482595363893349,0.3276435793101519,0.053401622707359264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831493467599508,0.09013444556661956,0.02546909056431856,0.0,0.027704908289081783,0.08177589427872431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100730075824452,0.04812907273565475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535021303411469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800747422712876,0.0,0.15655890214446186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665985188260891,0.05393301656053785,0.05076408372014542,0.21432730111433315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886504507570923,0.16671245721877348,0.0,0.0,0.08628181534615198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144424988099249,0.13199233229581292,0.04612702991723658,0.06508003353904608,0.0,0.04897444228873613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167154504443961,0.14458564458464992,0.07519573036359749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191558462495738,0.06606651984364004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653597996756236,0.168980434658139,0.08513065765092225,0.0,0.053511237914191497,0.0,0.0,0.0466876084472653,0.0,0.0,0.046645751629932376,0.056984413153750337,0.04900572873496578,0.05460950092108666,0.0,0.04876171373674777,0.05548649009789286,0.0,0.0,0.048133284107796485,0.052337668674887206,0.0,0.0,0.04637100743056807,0.03876678107382105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04437882328419971,0.10171067956970156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191815234702371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054569978936687136,0.06900890912519812,0.0,0.07786126479244787,0.1222678408526113,0.0,0.0,0.111610788717038,0.053322970528495016,0.0,0.0,0.1520051385483746,0.036652821485849786,0.15672886070728065,0.042608356639023084,0.04488108920580885,0.0,0.0,0.032386351696467704,0.15618042161386358,0.0,0.1161026428880495,0.028425655025263268,0.0,0.0,0.2794878093063211,0.0,0.09929113888058796,0.0,0.0,0.05074893029288196,0.0,0.04210307091088567,0.0,0.0,0.14376570563017324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04383077546541424,0.0,0.17595183392695668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950649009027292,0.0,0.03462955114832441,0.053298855801744566,0.0,0.0
ptsd,isaidwhutisaid,2020/04/08,"I get nightmares about my forced abortion https://www.reddit.com/r/prolife/comments/fs26ch/sometimes_it_feels_like_my_abortion_completely/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf <— my story, if you care to read it 

How do you guys get rid of nightmares? They plague me and then it feels like I’m carrying this giant weight on my shoulders throughout the day and every day. I’m sad and scared all the time.",15.121428571428574,20.196495428571428,7.742285714285718,59.50271428571432,50.07142857142858,5.908571428571428,23.7,6.742157984588678,0.6238900000000003,368,7,46,2,5,90,43,56,0.14800000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.09,-0.5661,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,7,7,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,2,4,7,1,6,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,25,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5592986612074791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631483526936936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329040202499809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745889530571907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050222297990832,0.1843854311908715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696913511359656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555578315401593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260937609424073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581680807989331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25840135958786803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049915683735002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31429411907499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FaceMan2020,2020/04/08,"Does this count as ptsd? Hi, I have been recently thinking about one experience in the past that has screwed me up mentally. The symptoms I have from this is increased anxiety when dating, fainting around people in certain social situations, and nightmares with thoughts that come up here and there about the event. What happened is I asked out this girl and she rejected me. But the real trouble started when I tried talking to her. She basically bullied me and I fainted right in front of her beside her friend. I feel so fucking embarrassed from that day on because I had to see her face over and over for the next two years reminding me of that event before she graduated from high school AND she babied me like I was fucking stupid. It was insanely awkward at one of my schools ceremonies because she ran the whole thing and I was called up and I had the worst anxiety I’ve ever felt. I would think these thoughts would pass, but I’ve felt the same symptoms in the dating world and talking to girls in general.",6.601317626527049,7.398941308900525,6.1243062827225145,79.50366710296686,65.2303664921466,9.298603839441537,35.288394415357764,9.2995712137729,3.1661619546247817,814,37,149,14,12,251,114,191,0.10300000000000001,0.861,0.036000000000000004,-0.8635,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,4,2,9,0,13,8,1,0,2,29,28,15,0,2,2,0,3,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,11,13,0,0,7,0,0,5,0,9,0,3,11,4,26,3,28,15,4,35,0,1,1,3,18,17,3,0,14,110,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642229788513056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201047494566297,0.12612919870735853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448832297073793,0.0,0.11480444460573692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776535927970365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162190640260102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701031474554759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806679102002085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204016628361605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319747314552847,0.0,0.0,0.0682180977445021,0.0,0.2590829888236761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423655288195144,0.24945721692109515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193066728190594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254723622491156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659136397260094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596462060697018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434857784878697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828465251908117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879355918180882,0.09353447215200364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577107733215021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535651027698375,0.0,0.0,0.13321427806341374,0.0,0.0,0.11521839559141288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273086448746087,0.10751139501484022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516523802351427,0.0,0.13753090862630632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549495925178253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28046087953472226,0.0,0.2168823758634816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963287131396754,0.17289875393780094,0.0,0.21421808270202272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159979855415132,0.0,0.13179432168275684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063003163958166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168235624865132,0.0,0.0,0.08688213570645037
ptsd,BobXenon,2020/04/08,"Hello, I do not have PTSD but I am an addict in day 12 of my ""clean life."" I posted this poem ""We Wear The Mask"" in r/openchristian and a friend said this poem resonates with him soooo much that I should put it up over here. It was written 120 years ago but you will feel it TODAY. Hang on, here u go We Wear The Mask

  by Paul Laurancr Dunbar


We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.


Why should the world be over-wise,

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see us, while

       We wear the mask.


We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries

To thee from tortured souls arise.

We sing, but oh the clay is vile

Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,

       We wear the mask!",3.5360852713178303,4.355334313953488,3.3779069767441854,96.3738759689923,72.13953488372094,6.431007751937988,20.14728682170543,5.985473137389443,-0.2766643410852714,650,10,152,3,12,195,113,172,0.14800000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.6114,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,15,2,1,0,2,6,2,0,11,0,11,12,9,0,1,29,16,13,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,1,1,9,19,0,0,1,2,2,3,1,2,1,0,3,3,24,3,15,7,2,20,2,0,1,0,23,10,0,0,6,88,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23041853400645945,0.0,0.0,0.1873619009932488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23217400900405186,0.1363126347558417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687225610869848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632997099568877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201233321131258,0.0,0.0,0.23303013821167384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504679832630808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322691003616332,0.14929301686002733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705095595342094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553772479338428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075224793186746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242879119324092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470738222669783,0.2124797298316972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105606803966666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168430163292782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034885826049012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542455024571684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072361079652825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611182612078612
ptsd,ksrfeam,2020/04/08,"Question for women? I’m a (now adult) survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I’m struggling with making an appointment with a gynecologist. I know I need to in order to stay healthy but the idea is terrifying. All I feel when I even think about calling an office is vulnerability, shame, fear, and disgust with myself. I know the appointment itself will be even worse, as my therapist and I JUST started talking about the trauma issues after years of seeing her and the memories are still being reprocessed. I know it will be intensely difficult and scary and will stir up a lot of shitty thoughts. How do I go about doing this?",4.75293103448276,7.094130500000002,5.718482758620691,74.72479310344829,71.58620689655173,8.433103448275862,28.84137931034483,9.120678840339163,2.767709655172414,502,20,84,11,10,165,80,116,0.33799999999999997,0.637,0.026000000000000002,-0.9934,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,1,3,9,0,11,0,0,2,1,24,24,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,2,11,0,16,17,2,12,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,7,66,14,0,0.0,0.24932919722194954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487605386614794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779785839369602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23679610607887974,0.1064014620383118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959416435216425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23755372175648545,0.0,0.2196378224330256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469461197159707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789029719933374,0.0,0.0,0.1404659446243378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603371757266085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23573359493559104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768819409479066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894586066785429,0.22429403102504653,0.1680524043085365,0.0,0.0,0.21999070485672773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691384152094517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443294245266181,0.0,0.13483724122948726,0.0,0.1670606330882055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444963698105327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551222578501712
ptsd,jungotim,2020/04/08,"I think I might have mild PTSD? [TW: Depression, related conditions] Over 2 years ago now, on the morning of march 2nd 2018, I threw myself off of an overpass in what is quite possibly my most severe suicide attempt to date. I fell 20-30ish feet, broke my wrist, got 3 compression fractures in my back, and a pretty nasty bump on the forehead, although no concussion. I noticed effects from this almost immediately, in the following weeks I spent in the hospital and psych ward, the slightest things would make me nearly jump out of my skin. During the times we went to the gym, anything moving through the air even remotely in my direction terrified me. I suggested to another patient I had become acquainted with that I thought I might have PTSD, and they just sort of brushed it off. I suppose when they did. I did too, because it wasn't until several months ago that I even reconsidered the idea of having it. Throughout the following couple of years I noticed other things, objects falling over in general, especially if accidentally knocked by me, seem to shake me to my core, to the point where I need to take a few seconds just to breathe and calm down afterwards. On at least 1 occasion I can think of a situation where I had a major flashback type deal, I was listening to some music, on the radio I think, and at the end a song faded out in a particular way that made me think of some of the songs I listened to back when I felt so far gone. The kind of music I listened to while writing my suicide note. Other occasions sometimes remind me of certain aspects of the incident and the lead up to it, enough to spark a general feeling of anxiety and unease, and sometimes, I just think about these things unprompted, leading to the same type of feeling. Some other pieces of content directly related to the event muster up the same emotions. Pictures taken then, messages exchanged, and especially, the songs I mentioned earlier. Since then I've had multiple other brushes with suicidal ideation and attempts, and the songs from then have made their return along with a few others. A particularly rough afternoon has led me to listen to said songs as I write this, which prompted the old feelings of dread, I'd been considering posting about this before but never really knew the place, or just didn't want to end up dealing with it. I've been on antidepressants since before it all happened, and on a few other drugs as well, which, especially now seem to be pretty good at keeping the depression at bay. It wasn't until less than a month ago that I confronted my biggest standing issue with the events, which had been my mother's reaction. I maintain, to this day, that there's nothing worse than making someone who loves and cares so much about you so sad. Even thinking about it now, having confirmation and closure on the issue, it still makes me tear up. I feel like this is getting a bit ramble-y, so I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead. Feel free to ask questions, might not respond until tomorrow morning however.",10.002123893805312,8.022484787610622,9.388955752212391,68.00148672566374,59.53097345132744,12.509026548672571,42.06902654867257,11.126944784690435,4.676197876106193,2415,110,420,49,25,774,299,565,0.08,0.8490000000000001,0.071,0.0637,1,0,1,0,0,2,67.0,1,1,3,8,29,17,1,3,40,0,27,7,5,9,3,81,73,34,3,4,9,1,8,1,0,4,1,10,0,0,34,23,0,1,19,7,3,14,6,8,1,1,25,20,51,10,90,43,17,94,0,4,0,1,23,37,0,14,41,309,85,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067138914642078,0.0,0.07783725957365997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150866432434953,0.05946468315485449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396672235515548,0.0,0.07266882419730131,0.0,0.0,0.1195420507470272,0.0,0.04738463871558755,0.08584876551641638,0.13228822647925675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486309159174897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925284250238694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860088578968537,0.0,0.05013063850715768,0.16027633096727986,0.13390072606019465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014431425887742,0.0,0.0,0.08743791392126386,0.13769476513913778,0.08031782150364049,0.0,0.15402354088622705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651789604924852,0.05553167780956833,0.0746348044714911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04061170430489805,0.0,0.04417682446843238,0.06519782144025316,0.06216929344570338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873805369023853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774984234980501,0.0,0.16226379574308888,0.0,0.06909167547374771,0.0,0.08094580181986935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037975875106976205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015606565893913,0.14710358775718768,0.1556599206928515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473837545400554,0.0,0.0,0.1240897061235718,0.08261669751589873,0.057141883159695,0.05763721156215136,0.05995162565395221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745858449789432,0.1769965441346164,0.08156654273474184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121328075124512,0.0,0.07348176129928816,0.08763102664175275,0.07444566362410786,0.1581625546743776,0.0,0.0,0.1817288396021824,0.0,0.0870775066759659,0.16535486662955493,0.0,0.0,0.049797039228399016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394082789625696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152838665878487,0.0,0.17562982059043827,0.0,0.12860124547796065,0.08737390129607579,0.0,0.0,0.06586197822101897,0.0,0.15375765379023512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062076787833685775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550782140759928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058444707492184174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492484138252194,0.2988447389487497,0.0,0.06171043799253141,0.04532609021290817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045848282737015175,0.061699956229229726,0.062351833512291635,0.0,0.06989030441273668,0.07205824087293593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921543681959424,0.0552185044807752,0.0,0.0,0.10011357735153474
ptsd,alex-the-hero,2020/04/08,"Talking Trauma- a space for survivors to talk about their experiences https://discord.gg/e6xS9wg

Please take a look at the #welcome channel before posting.",12.330000000000005,16.78854927272728,7.472727272727273,61.07909090909092,56.27272727272727,8.036363636363637,47.36363636363637,8.841846274778883,5.507381818181819,132,8,13,2,2,35,21,22,0.121,0.779,0.1,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074975100218124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534871968386273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034580657275035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966734930881512,0.0,0.0,0.3460906054239694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27170372611530624,0.5809077407644442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,caviabella,2020/04/08,"I found out my abuser (my father) has another kid and a grandkid. I have complicated feelings and need someone to talk to. That means I have a ""brother"" \[AJ\] and a ""nephew"" \[Timmy\]. (But I use those terms loosely. They're not family.)

Also, I was physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by my father from birth to age 5, then delt with that court process until I was about 10. 

I'm just going to copy and paste what I sent my friends, because I really don't feel like retyping it. I'll change names and bold my questions. 

​

>So me and \[my friend\] were just casually talking and blah blah blah and I went to look for a picture of my father's mother because I said she looked kind of like Peter Pettigrew (from Harry Potter) and \[Friend\]  wanted to see. I obviously don't have pictures of those people handy so I searched her on Facebook. I've seen her page before. I actually check it every few months just to keep tabs, it makes me feel safer I think. She only ever mentioned my father once, she posted a throwback of his and my mom's wedding. Never mentioned me, mom, or my sister. ANYWAYS!  
So I see a post that says ""My son \[my father\]'s son \[AJ\] and his son \[Timmy\].""  
And I FREAKED.  
I don't know what emotions I felt. But I was shaking. Someone actually told my mom YEARS ago that he had a son. But it was never confirmed. I always said that if I knew he didn't have a relationship with my/our father than I'd like to have a relationship with him. Clearly he has a relationship with him. He's in a picture with my father and the pictures were posted on my father's mother's page. So obviously it wouldn't be smart to reach out to him.  
But it's just so crazy seeing \[AJ\] and \[Timmy\]'s faces. They look A LOT like me. It's kind of trippy. We're not twins by any means. But we all have the same eyes, cheek bones, and mouth. \[Timmy\] looks a lot like me when I was a baby. (In a way this also kind of sucks because at first glance I thought \[AJ\] was my father. Which reinforces the thing I've always know but didn't want to be true, I resemble my father.)  
And it turns out there's a huge difference between ""I might have a brother out there."" to ""I have a brother and a nephew."" (Obviously I use ""brother"", ""nephew"", ""father"", and ""grandmother"" extremely loosely.) I dunno. I feel a way, but I don't know what exactly I'm feeling.  
**And I just have so many questions. I think it's natural to have these questions. But it sucks I'll never get answers. Did he abuse \[AJ\] too? If he didn't, why me and not him? If \[AJ\] was abused, why would he associate with our father and does \[RJ\] abuse \[Timmy\]? Does \[AJ\] know about me? Does he know what my father did? Did they lie to \[AJ\]?**  
I keep trying to piece together this ""puzzle"" and I don't think it's healthy. (But maybe it's normal, I dunno.) Like, my ""grandmother"" has never posted about \[AJ\] or \[Timmy\] before. She's posted about all her other grandchildren (well, except me and my sister obviously) and has a whole album dedicated to their pictures. So I'm like ""Maybe he just recently connected with them and doesn't know what he's getting into!"" And then that thought leads to ""I SHOULD SAVE HIM!"" Which is just so stupid and unsafe. Thankfully I know that and won't act upon my feelings. But I wish I could unfeel these feelings, if that makes any sense.  
I haven't told my mom about this discovery. But she was the one who told me when the rumor first went around. And she said something along the lines of ""Why would you want to associate with anything related to him? They're obviously a piece of shit."" And that actually really hurt my feelings. Because like it or not, I'm his kid. I share the same number of chromosomes with him as \[AJ\] does. You know? So I can't talk to her about it. And I also can't just automatically hate \[AJ\] because he's related to him. It's not as simple as my mom makes it out to be. It's super complicated feelings and I hate it.   


I'm sorry if this is the wrong sub for this. If there's a better sub let me know. I didn't think my abuse story would ever get more complex but here we are.",1.5918339993339998,3.950799728937732,3.383981435231437,87.37759053446554,82.23565323565325,6.164729714729714,21.88313075813076,7.435244526350478,0.9222843711843708,3194,103,644,50,88,1065,287,819,0.10099999999999999,0.82,0.079,-0.9341,0,0,1,0,6,0,231.0,3,2,4,5,37,34,6,1,31,0,56,6,6,6,16,167,129,73,0,18,35,33,10,11,3,7,0,4,0,2,46,52,0,2,34,1,1,7,24,10,1,3,33,24,110,24,73,84,14,49,0,1,10,0,103,14,3,18,29,425,156,1,0.0,0.3514278724808799,0.14472162007179915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382033731889349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859726961757455,0.08226624445331109,0.05356181490362148,0.06006782910638154,0.06723375153177727,0.051835952675544736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040680043284932216,0.044006819948570496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506728094718158,0.0,0.08412953768967582,0.0,0.0,0.04372043460428096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229471155821255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039469097670522466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051648101616476434,0.0,0.0,0.17304041806272652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121339321755984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943192752050226,0.04165035215483965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046602059697108164,0.0,0.2249582470661836,0.03531572314172324,0.04746447785155289,0.0,0.0,0.08409722189696114,0.0,0.05420192716046522,0.11457796387291355,0.0,0.07748181373865416,0.0,0.02809453205353801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761185726153718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052920214818610166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787857953062743,0.0,0.15443399007454867,0.2445091430843193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050549705382910086,0.0,0.1932079914374993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660487382551304,0.0,0.0,0.08405418957298935,0.0,0.0,0.09899291504036176,0.0501184073763257,0.09932637381999766,0.10769643029383556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052441756547535086,0.0,0.28948303855022306,0.03945781830350864,0.0,0.0,0.036654750702294514,0.1525064681641152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843491148254856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264569155418671,0.03349781814914585,0.03759685235793297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047190431644804215,0.03427137306059795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367209626428616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613247999739522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333748663955023,0.0,0.048810199228901986,0.15922113455689088,0.0,0.0,0.14106941712487306,0.03931197180393384,0.0,0.0,0.11817770631658946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507433820904164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377068657626399,0.03805677693242082,0.0,0.0553374155366483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919974490378807,0.0,0.04551226757849288,0.0,0.0,0.032841812228345875,0.12670147297747852,0.0,0.07849028983320967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170917180447734,0.0,0.03356250157079326,0.053770093601951535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539036209150105,0.0,0.0,0.08747251966074514,0.07847695794534312,0.0,0.0,0.04444718291053834,0.09165179173857893,0.1338197293389285,0.055191395104689116,0.056846762836476175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534967572366707,0.054048416154805504,0.06006782910638154,0.03183393263029683
ptsd,Pierrethebully,2020/04/08,"There must be many traumas for so many There isn’t one trauma. The main trauma was my dad beating me while the family gathered around. I ran across a highway and into a cornfield. I had nowhere else to go but back home, I know it to be true fifty years later. There was a vacation to be taken, but I caught my brother saying to my dad, why do we have to take that bitch. I didn’t go, I refused, I got in lots of teenaged trouble, all the while having laryngitis. I was raped at least three times during my life. I feel like there’s one rape I can’t remember. When I was molested by an older boy/man  as a child and told, I was shamed. They were tenants and I think moved, but I was little. There was a murder of a family friend at a forest, game preserve his name was Neil lefave? The teen took me there and said do this, or you’ll end up like him. Later, in my 40s by a Milwaukee cop , first name Corey, who drugged and raped me at a friend’s party. 
Last night I had another nightmare about my mom not protecting me. These are just a few stories. I turned out ok, sorta. I have struggled, but had a successful career and raised a beautiful family. I am ok, but have ptsd.",1.67557148245945,3.505027709543569,3.077293474160694,92.51115711052437,78.95850622406637,6.373519426631463,21.327989437947945,7.348242739294969,0.5518282157676344,902,25,200,12,22,294,148,241,0.20800000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.126,-0.9755,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,1,1,1,3,12,20,6,2,17,2,28,5,0,0,3,30,42,17,1,1,8,4,1,2,2,2,2,2,2,1,5,10,0,2,4,1,0,6,4,12,0,4,20,3,33,8,22,17,5,30,0,0,0,3,21,11,1,3,15,138,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673861404276018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306532649919595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493781372344848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334469897024934,0.0,0.12486801366750648,0.0,0.13239136494109188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227379958182245,0.0,0.07557955443555663,0.10678568085357104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714420517629305,0.0,0.0,0.23096956623511686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990130552105928,0.0,0.11954960827135315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499366107357251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821480978392215,0.12184288640154732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557931595590718,0.14605284188297635,0.14981421596574046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707914582587854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030903959406467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750644790315781,0.0,0.1588693272398959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402730957345731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025776056636684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472943942191416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932716398311345,0.0,0.14218590111494953,0.11886931092796595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626476492445882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123873458900846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577818216233604,0.0,0.0,0.08716065486827053,0.0,0.0,0.14283071908801534,0.16607333062717622,0.0,0.16258695968937942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487883618439753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625764016019192
ptsd,GigantorJay,2020/04/08,"Need advice on how to handle SO’s PTSD To add some background. My SO am I have known each other for 9 years. We just recently reconnected and are moving forward with a relationship. 

So I just found out about my SO’s childhood PTSD through nightmares they have had last few nights and talking through them today. It’s going to be a slow process to learn and I’m ok with that. Understanding their trauma is my goal and avoiding the triggers is key. This is something new to me as I consider myself a “normal” emotional person and have never had any trauma that I couldn’t handle. That being said, I’m completely clueless about how to handle the future with them. I want to be there for them throughout the good and bad times. I know only the basics on how to be there for a episode. I’d love to know more from a first hand perspective. Please help me understand.",3.3744642857142817,5.5318670416666675,4.0196666666666685,86.19200000000004,75.01190476190476,6.622857142857143,24.890476190476193,7.554174236665415,1.2600804761904758,685,23,131,9,15,217,104,168,0.084,0.7959999999999999,0.121,0.6565,0,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,5,2,13,7,0,1,9,1,15,2,1,4,1,33,27,14,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,13,0,1,7,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,4,2,18,3,24,18,4,18,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,1,13,95,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701214150393082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622526448393157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270345235536527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919681413620256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225174479155965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537671384763526,0.0,0.18739496685043416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971325961762358,0.14335194386938602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455796544136512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785630845135515,0.13931518472436374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425374904057765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181651225813216,0.0,0.12672825769519094,0.13181701298868478,0.16506680044451352,0.0,0.16038829037353008,0.16745638222059844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998543170683535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923279488138788,0.0,0.1876088312213614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995713635611863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875388285335402,0.18349433187645225,0.0,0.0,0.16257539249150413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131575551374254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373716976193819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996595131015824,0.0,0.1620035375430588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558485233793074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080766976926184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006100820571314
ptsd,shobsessedanon,2020/04/08,"Person in my past who hurt me messaged me He wished me well and said he hopes Im safe and healthy.

Im really high so apologies if this doesnt make sense, but this just happened and I feel very all over the place about it.

I was homeless a while back, and spent much of my time couch surfing. A friend offered me a place to stay for a while with his mother and as I would end up on the street otherwise, and i trusted him, I agreed. I told his mother Im autistic, and ill, and have suffered immensely leading up to my homelessness, alreqdy had PTSD from child abuse. I explained my issues and opened my heart to her, and she insisted countless times it was all okay, she understood, it was no problem at all, it was no problem at all.

I was psychologically tormented there. I was screamed at for any and all things, from getting ice out of the fridge to leaving a crumb on the table to a crumb being on the table that wasnt even mine. I was degraded and verbally eviscerated for not making eye contact (autsim, i explained, she said she understood), for having a 'tone' (autsistic, i dont understand 'tone'), for walkijg too fast or too slow, for making any noise whatsoever, for eating and for not eating, I was demeaned for not eating for I physically cannot eat due medical issues, and food I could eat was placed in front of me and forbidden. I starved. 

The friend who brought me there told others I was dramatic, that it wasnt that bad, to ignore me. He encouraged others to turn away from me. Refused to acknowledge me and belittled my pain. 

But, he was abused too. Badly. By her. He later left, got therapy, and approached me to say that he was so, so sorry for how he had treated me, for how I had been treated, for what had happened to me, for how much pain i had gone through. i told him that my experience in his mother's house compunded on my PTSD and the effects of my time there haunt me, but that i know he was abused and didnt understand that that torture wasnt Normal. That he thought I was just weak. But that didnt mean i wasnt traumatized amd deeply, deeply betrayed. He said he understood and wished we the best in life, amd was so, so sorry.

It feels so strange, seeing him message me again. Wishing me well, hoping Im safe. He still thinks of me. He still regrets what he did and what happened to me. I feel so weird about it. I feel relieved to know he still feel regret for what he did, I feel happy that he's grown and had become empathetic and he cares and is sorry, and i forgive him. But I feel guilty for being glad he feels regret, still a little feeling that maybe i deserved to be tormented and betrayed for being so useless, but also so sad that he still thinks of me and can't let go. 

But also..... I cant let go. I can never let go. I have PTSD from that time period, from my treatment. I didnt even scratch the surface of wht that woman did to me, wht my time there was like, how I felt. It still haunts me and probably forveer. 

I want him to know that. I want him to be sorry. I want to regret the pain he caused me. But I also want him to know I forgive him. i want him to grow. I want him to move on. And I want him to be safe and healthy, too.

I feel very conflicted. Sorry for the long post. I just think I needed my thoughts out there in the world.",2.6961807984896424,4.212491535232385,3.8754980842911912,89.277180715198,75.17691154422789,7.039691265478373,24.94555500027764,7.728297695733946,1.14750099394747,2542,84,549,35,54,828,251,667,0.203,0.6709999999999999,0.126,-0.9972,0,0,0,0,3,0,96.0,1,0,0,3,42,43,1,0,20,1,54,15,2,10,6,126,118,59,0,23,16,3,12,1,2,1,7,5,1,3,35,35,6,6,32,0,1,11,18,21,2,0,49,19,100,22,76,58,8,66,0,8,2,0,70,29,0,4,25,381,135,1,0.0,0.19358031610692214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065609611393034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740699978217227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116742057169602,0.041876753107861715,0.09094446420103047,0.0,0.060147329507563824,0.0,0.0,0.05715292150279939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552609642931427,0.05594592231470469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04348226763903264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382728554465739,0.0,0.0,0.2786333730465239,0.0,0.0,0.04823582704113909,0.0,0.0,0.07194127649848853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327280675229828,0.0,0.0,0.2753685874620305,0.0,0.05229060837713443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585383744855447,0.0,0.08415207482482906,0.0,0.028453356853726106,0.0,0.09285344996810133,0.0,0.04355702677420679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447768724961302,0.05797420144638416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453593969745383,0.0,0.05754049494737457,0.0,0.10818310436358758,0.0,0.06284009036835313,0.05830107806027905,0.0,0.23530668711129796,0.11368519897751235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197202382766998,0.0,0.0,0.05766579260385084,0.05917147882812825,0.1670686143029463,0.03846705278578355,0.02660664320164981,0.054583715583284,0.0,0.0481958175112612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905839454667343,0.0,0.05471287950524068,0.059323436336149074,0.0,0.05486321144634226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788287925194757,0.08006944897609883,0.04038176128534967,0.042003285207785984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335971452243115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384939479178876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198869748454752,0.0,0.04755279689349379,0.1706988537931164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215809258843945,0.0,0.05871761647718748,0.104222662641606,0.19098418592558844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034888782721038084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541318431729084,0.04330916540494927,0.0,0.0,0.04339795737516723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048202840742891,0.0,0.05804763329031401,0.2609532931645831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062280313534966124,0.0,0.03618112785310317,0.10468824377978464,0.0,0.08647108728157774,0.15878174059497846,0.0,0.0,0.15611798847658767,0.0,0.0,0.0592373714872652,0.0,0.11339057591567173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987121121394183,0.2248554451290636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793303709400368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788061815112306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03868716764814716,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,magentakitty,2020/04/08,"Think I have PTSD from past relationship: need advice 23 year old female suffering from constant rumination, anxiety, nightmares, obsessive thoughts, anger outbursts and other ptsd like symptoms for 18 months regarding an ex boyfriend being intimate with another during a relationship “break.” I’m not sure if I have ptsd, but doing research I feel like I have all the symptoms. No family history of mental illness. Got back together with ex boyfriend who was openly intimate with another and the end of our relationship was because of my rumination, outbursts, etc.",9.66741935483871,11.436697408602154,9.106612903225807,57.37991935483874,58.78494623655914,13.081720430107527,44.532258064516135,12.45797560212912,6.701438709677419,461,27,60,16,6,147,67,93,0.153,0.7959999999999999,0.051,-0.7924,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,4,0,7,3,0,0,2,15,13,4,0,2,3,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,1,6,3,9,8,2,9,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,9,37,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426921068978879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062359552953505,0.11170729028142204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228276899129916,0.0,0.08901434113586675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779912152613598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933314602529924,0.0,0.1628543828816419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765760571048374,0.0,0.07383367906728887,0.10431894905979057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678803183807344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267904508021256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715696412408072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655426454374845,0.0,0.0,0.1082742962947976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322670504766633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393955948490213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120796536933127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703225630812293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376250663857964,0.3035478744665689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356572179122784,0.0,0.11592604962299605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403410438761006
ptsd,unfurli,2020/04/08,"TRE - Trauma Release Exercises I’ve been advised to practice TRE daily. I’d love to hear from anyone who has benefited from these exercises... need some fuel for my commitment to the practice! 

For those that are wondering what TRE is, it’s a set of simple exercises that induce involuntary tremors in our body, especially the psoas muscles. They were designed by Dr David Berceli and based on Dr Peter Levine’s research into how animals recover from trauma - he had found that wild animals recover from trauma by tremoring spasms of their body core and flailing of limbs, to complete the fight-flight they were in before they froze. Here’s a bit more info on that background

 https://www.acesconnection.com/blog/what-is-trauma-release-exercises-tre

And here’s the main TRE webpage 

https://traumaprevention.com

I’m so curious to hear from anyone who has given this practice a good go and experienced it’s benefits (or not) and to hear details on your experience like how much did you practice, did you do a workshop or get some sessions with a teacher or did you teach yourself and if so did you learn all the 7 steps or just use the basic TRE tremor induced by the position that strains your leg/hip, did you notice physical benefits like decreased chronic muscle pain or more mental/emotional benefits etc? 

I feel like there are so many things I would like to practice daily and we can’t commit to them all so I guess I’m just wanting to hear directly from others if this has helped them so I can know what healing my efforts could bring :)",9.92888946819604,9.618871492700734,8.752346193952032,67.1714598540146,58.52554744525548,11.332221063607928,38.91449426485923,10.608840637214634,4.178364754953076,1255,53,203,24,14,388,159,274,0.049,0.8240000000000001,0.127,0.9642,0,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,2,7,6,1,12,15,0,1,12,0,20,11,2,5,4,42,39,21,0,6,10,0,2,4,0,1,8,4,0,0,17,10,0,0,8,3,0,3,2,5,0,0,11,7,21,10,30,26,10,10,0,0,0,1,25,6,0,11,4,136,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213060649485394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690757906613493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999276737018935,0.3052155241083985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404933269770714,0.0,0.0,0.10969361732631644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454368249060954,0.0,0.0,0.15322460553122869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439241316245715,0.0,0.0,0.06946780399657251,0.09815044296803263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063950805060916,0.0,0.0,0.07177987275806187,0.0,0.07808110724417111,0.1152350389422042,0.0,0.0,0.15134903172887065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6193877471556926,0.0,0.09208868224907688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550518128883799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26848451989009864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239985751003691,0.0,0.0,0.1392904759474409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845539420006125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099642880203526,0.10187190571959676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641783118995034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619115653468132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127488074219314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865963824169586,0.0,0.0,0.08103535562878797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899207560361535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759691924681127,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sarah_the_intern,2020/04/08,"What conditions do you need in order to sleep? I have to be covered in a blanket, all the way to my face, as to not feel exposed. I can’t fall asleep in silence. I always have my laptop next to me playing a tv show (that I’ve already seen) on low volume with the brightness down. If the room is too quiet or I don’t have a controlled sound, my mind wanders and I risk having intense nightmares.",1.271341463414636,3.2545150975609762,2.941646341463418,92.22881097560978,80.95121951219512,4.5878048780487815,24.88414634146341,5.148860815047168,0.42062926829268266,306,12,64,1,8,101,61,82,0.055,0.8540000000000001,0.091,0.1833,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,6,0,9,3,3,1,1,10,12,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,5,10,2,12,10,1,11,0,1,2,0,1,7,0,2,1,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962543725434,0.0,0.2987838255564773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027394275037063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815619411381885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625690448522559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662537159057036,0.0,0.0,0.3818862930706877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35933992492885525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28502146741670875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Otakuosu,2020/04/08,"I have been diagnosed with PTSD because I was smoking weed. Since I have been diagnosed now for a while, I thought it would be interesting to share my story on this sub, since I haven't seen any, whose PTSD has developed solely by taking drugs:

Last year in November I went to a party on which I obviously smoked weed. My experiences with the drug were not always that nice, most of the time I would feel nothing but I was always relatively eager to try again, since my buddies were always so funny and happy after consumption.Well, I took a few puffs but there was one guy that encouraged me to just do more. High af I didn't care what would really happen so yeah... I had the worst experience in my life.From very strong hallucinations that involved my sense of touch, hearing and seeing to almost losing consciousness there was basically everything. I started sweating and freezing in a matter of seconds and my heart was jumping out of my chest. I was literally afraid to die due to a failure in my cardiac system. I told my friends to call the ambulance and after that night nothing was the same again.In the first months I had severe sleep disorders where I would constantly be reminded of my sense of balance. I would feel as if I was on that party not being able get a grip over my body.

Adding the aftermath of police drama and my mother trying to sue my friend for bringing the weed to the party, my mental health hasn't been in the best shape. I would consistently get panic attacks and in february I finally went to therapy. Being there has helped me immensely since I just didn't know what the hell was going on with me. Me and my therapist go along really well. We are doing a so called ""EMDRIA therapy"" (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which has helped really well with processing what has happened on that day.

Unfortunately my past couple of weeks had been quiet rough. I was constantly overthinking basically everything. My relationship, my school, even my life. After talking with my therapist, this is still more likely connected to my PTSD and could be a adaptive depression following the latest events.

Almost two weeks ago I have gotten a tip from my therapist to try and and train thinking about logical things whilst noticing an upcoming panic attack. It basically moves your mind away from your body and focuses on the outside instead of the inside. Since then I was able to keep my panic attacks to a bare minimum. It feels great to be able to have a clear mind after some time again.Even with corona going on I have been able to keep my mind under control but as I am writing this I still feel some anxiety getting up. It just doesn't go away magically!

I would be really interested if there were similar cases!

(Side note: after talking to my regular doctor, she suggested that my cannabinoid system is just not really able to handle the consumption of weed. The hallucinations and everything I explained made the doctors in the hospital even skeptical and they didn't believe me I had only been smoking weed. They suggested LSD or a weird mixture of drugs I smoked but all they could find was THC.)",6.417260111022997,7.665589039518899,6.895979381443301,72.20147898493259,65.8213058419244,10.367856198784033,31.58974358974359,10.447272113097851,3.499279355009252,2519,97,429,64,39,822,274,582,0.12,0.7709999999999999,0.109,-0.8375,0,0,5,0,0,0,53.0,1,2,3,5,22,29,5,4,31,1,62,16,7,2,3,76,95,29,1,11,14,1,8,1,2,7,9,2,0,1,21,24,0,3,11,1,0,12,9,13,2,4,36,13,70,16,71,43,10,70,1,2,3,0,28,24,1,8,33,317,91,3,0.2896363340342843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05134902689300008,0.0,0.11601158026142658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446003793196904,0.0,0.0,0.039392527839282425,0.0,0.044314200553343834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977018859336734,0.10884914802812017,0.0,0.0,0.03531192418400814,0.0,0.0,0.06526419301870247,0.060791092685440175,0.0,0.0,0.12868826930980304,0.0,0.0,0.11830043213299628,0.0,0.05906070915954486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251975927593264,0.06497035537936423,0.09250041792135076,0.06409541892756349,0.0,0.037358294887206704,0.0,0.049892670019090264,0.11758991289914544,0.060119357409548,0.0,0.06638966634369743,0.11858202433056456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153171641773573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147812402025927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156183876702831,0.11332796461625792,0.0,0.0,0.11715906646867108,0.0,0.0,0.06345648932447942,0.05294447242054515,0.049272903553754466,0.0,0.0,0.08950892528035875,0.0,0.09079381814044513,0.0,0.13168560264289667,0.0,0.0,0.06386501615577618,0.0,0.05735710145070205,0.10244978145913408,0.061664652669048525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157397581457255,0.06528823971684299,0.06864409007504071,0.07765485177251501,0.06120333780908501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297683267014107,0.0,0.0,0.031835310908145634,0.04721845389689777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183148331697264,0.028300336542563382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480579433587202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054812180475363896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058377060302753275,0.0,0.1754700788021873,0.0,0.04623699170687119,0.06156751719740058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436081579756431,0.0,0.1111655496164088,0.0659505771989458,0.0,0.0,0.03925301515777447,0.04405629670922858,0.0,0.20389549941291613,0.0,0.0,0.05529813077400842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314162500839286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855484521445614,0.0,0.0,0.062192205876141535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058625486597716436,0.04616053177654885,0.0,0.0,0.06544132315079115,0.0,0.2395901685324508,0.0,0.05796910118616816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04100121759589928,0.0,0.09252158019931377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04355409550145284,0.09311948562696763,0.0,0.0,0.13248975601000396,0.20177406451937965,0.03848430209598337,0.037117453569316526,0.0,0.04598777930615239,0.06755571022763597,0.0,0.0,0.05535198585243432,0.06435932484298071,0.11798643514859225,0.0,0.0565865225092265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779606174980844,0.0,0.0,0.09293151862718133,0.0,0.10416713928887474,0.1073983133568167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880490782757863,0.0,0.0,0.03730326060357085
ptsd,jakedaddy16,2020/04/09,"Idk really what to tittle this but umm help???-trigger warning maybe??? (I’m new to this) I should start off by saying my name is jake and I’m 14. I should say that I have not been diagnosed!!! But I have a physcitrist appointment soon and I have done a little research on the topic and wanted to see if this might be something I could have. Some of my family has said that it sounds like I have it since it is similar to what they went through. So a while ago my dad used to be pretty ruff with me. He would pin me against walls. Spank my ass hard with wooden spatulas, back scratchers, leather phone books and things as such. He would sometimes not always hit my ass though. He would hit my torso and some of my limbs. Occasionally would back hand me in the face. He just used be rough like that. Keep in mind for the most part I was 10 and under at that time. So current day about a month or two ago my dad said something along the lines of if I wasn’t busy with work I would have come to your school and beat your ass. I did cuss them out through text so... but anyways the point of me saying that was that when he said that it just brought back several flashbacks. Now you should also know before and still now when people make fast motions with there hands I flinch like there going to hit me or something. So back to the main story. When he said tat I got all those flashbacks at once. Now ever since then I have been receiving flashbacks on the daily. Somethings will trigger more than other things. For me I just kind of stare of in distance and remover a certain situation and just think about for the next like 5-10 minutes. Something else is my focus can be easily taken by those flashbacks as well. I have also noticed that I come angry pretty easy. It may be from something else but idk. I just know I think about it a lot. Another thing is whenever he comes up stairs to do something or at night when he gets up I instantly think I’ve done something wrong and he’s coming to beat me. This may be anxiety or ptsd. Also I should mention when I do get these flashbacks I tend to get sad. Sconce then I have really lost interest in things to but I think it might depression. I’m just confused and I thought I would ask the community before I go in there. Thanks for reading. Hopefully you will comment and give some advice. I hope I don’t offended anybody or trigger anything I just needed some help in the topic. I do hope that I didn’t offended anybody because this isn’t really a bad traumatic experience compared to other people. So once again thanks for reading",2.8445239513315776,4.9055805420743654,3.4519803454437192,90.09939994044079,76.26027397260273,6.400425423296182,23.82885220794692,7.34059242885,0.9231762613800734,2031,65,415,25,46,637,237,511,0.114,0.765,0.12,0.6494,1,0,8,0,1,0,50.0,0,4,2,4,41,21,2,1,17,0,52,7,6,5,3,89,99,44,0,18,21,2,5,4,0,16,1,8,0,0,32,23,0,1,7,3,0,11,6,8,2,1,19,15,55,13,57,54,10,61,0,3,2,3,32,20,3,21,34,292,87,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525575149510134,0.11839126381122185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020963659413726,0.05556555041414018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002369588641259,0.05108581920380576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054953499117883414,0.0,0.062429432357841735,0.0,0.0,0.20539598523754207,0.05575774875131205,0.04070791195773056,0.0,0.11364817000895287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300970836463481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331766755577888,0.0,0.0,0.043066986982489834,0.0,0.05751673026623196,0.06777936818837323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366763835632375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157071750817564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060405507876252526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532276153952404,0.06295338056843099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466795114046136,0.06406058576746207,0.07590418877421902,0.0,0.05340933671041135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982094570750066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952122950234949,0.0,0.0,0.19898010522910545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059356321340320664,0.0,0.06954014345470122,0.07340008020195474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049955616641787,0.06693018923457113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289726258909716,0.0567731922038609,0.0,0.0,0.0445755594968618,0.0,0.06708856917713202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416841177867015,0.06742784186132772,0.0,0.053302430583662026,0.0,0.0,0.049515847273713984,0.0,0.06449565889582426,0.07102031721619206,0.06266764993904889,0.0,0.0,0.0760284338000486,0.0,0.14223509764331768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231524425687574,0.0,0.09259242209075053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312782265629867,0.0,0.0,0.13587667913517984,0.0,0.0,0.0780611797750461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359431786630904,0.0,0.12834118040865092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25408881812091394,0.15931623224082825,0.0,0.06758400177976559,0.05321428687063079,0.0,0.0,0.07544136103538218,0.0,0.11048070261743273,0.07506249235565139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112784331003708,0.06604622513731556,0.0,0.04726658188764184,0.0,0.05332986559040953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229624235505161,0.0,0.0,0.17746023392148952,0.17115737155769836,0.06561011447535732,0.053015136229087316,0.03893942298157163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652334651687697,0.0,0.0,0.11535138138874935,0.0,0.0,0.03938803603155022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004241956574755,0.06190488320256985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861597108144484,0.0,0.0,0.28462768691763884,0.07301244909408038,0.0,0.0
ptsd,whoknowsidunno,2020/04/09,"Any advice on supporting my husbands friend with ptsd while he is living with us? I posted this in the relationship subs, but then it dawned on me that maybe a more specific sub might help. 

Basically, my husbands friend, Alex (fake name obviously) is staying with us during shelter in place because being isolated is bad for his mental health. He’s been here for two weeks, and it’s been good. He has ptsd from his childhood, but I don’t know details. 
I know he struggles with anxiety and nightmares, and sometimes he spaces out a lot and struggles with talking. 

He’s struggling right now more than he usually does, and has been locking himself in his room/the guest room for long periods of time and I’ve noticed he’s not eating very much. I’m afraid he’s feeling like he’s inconveniencing me since he’s been trying not to spend that much time in common areas. I’d like advice on how to make him feel most comfortable here and let him know I 100% am happy that he’s here, and any advice on how to help support him. 

Thanks in advance for any thoughts!",5.7081763602251385,6.358613063414634,5.813658536585367,81.46825515947471,67.14634146341464,8.454033771106943,30.891181988742968,8.384062270229773,2.1930787992495318,838,31,161,11,13,265,119,205,0.086,0.7190000000000001,0.195,0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,1,6,16,0,4,3,0,14,2,0,3,1,32,25,14,0,0,4,2,2,2,3,1,1,0,1,0,6,14,1,0,6,0,1,1,3,6,0,1,5,2,17,10,25,17,6,29,0,0,0,0,31,15,0,3,13,92,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291374126559985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22904971155405485,0.0,0.08588900324704185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374377348131904,0.06844094969621911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825139145509776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148839307007022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135378198714766,0.08020828839328183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348462294360076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941697760803559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951734403837665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193415957556305,0.0,0.0,0.15050926639214338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510791717897634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480737152902153,0.0,0.10970242797320147,0.0,0.09913965331213953,0.09935861053698893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545100706105693,0.0,0.0,0.07494350553704057,0.0,0.11279393040377862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314539040054045,0.11910455623788548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506804132679448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278242474975015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730202473259416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752708171484132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624836805070703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053983837543356,0.0,0.09588104826327158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928738892097206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104146970107033,0.0,0.0,0.1196687282529993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521182586630548,0.0,0.0,0.2548135209977639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024127371709953,0.0,0.10336645433306116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913270411807804,0.1309352880712144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622641038347443,0.0,0.10967500157614886,0.0,0.27010265444153525,0.0,0.123653517940129,0.09263748531091001,0.0,0.0,0.09005911655242779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Hexxy__,2020/04/09,"I get frightened by sudden things So a couple months back i was playing handball while suddenly a car crashes into the gymnasium. Extreme panic as everybody rushed out. Luckily, it was no attack and it appeared that the reason of the incident was failing breaks. Anyway, this was all over the news (Sweden). I’m talking about this because i remember that *bang* and the sudden shock and terror. I now feel something similar everytime something in the likes of that happens. Somebody loudly kicked the door to the classroom i’m in? Panic. Somebody hit a metal plate on the wall really hard? Shock, and sometimes even reflexes kick in and i start running. Today, while visiting my older cousin in her apartment, a paper advertisment slides under the door really quick. Even though i don’t show it, my mind is just up in immediate panic and fright. A fucking paper, and i get scared. If someone hits me, i don’t care, there’s no reaction from that. But these small, sudden things get me really winded up. Is this ptsd? Cus it seems like such a small thing for that.",3.1466688963210707,6.098309343589747,4.1154960981047966,80.65725752508364,81.2051282051282,6.673355629877371,25.401337792642146,7.893859768569023,2.0110267558528423,842,33,138,16,23,271,124,195,0.191,0.745,0.065,-0.9767,0,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,12,15,2,6,16,0,8,1,0,1,1,20,22,14,0,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,16,9,0,0,4,2,0,6,4,11,0,0,4,3,13,4,20,16,1,36,0,1,0,1,4,16,1,3,15,98,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664755722208418,0.0,0.1125214900960734,0.0,0.08920359191804464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919683704589218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191532254194788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330389847019572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399065468870282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135283036372127,0.22935976696929236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294023011851648,0.0,0.13108614449653747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298239081683506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775520040324974,0.0,0.11680206715004315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5150727790640378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710561237462825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812351145728401,0.1504552916741028,0.0,0.0,0.16576741968457245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465054413004199,0.0,0.0,0.13321659498246252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398796714282535,0.22530947760888054,0.14472765198553922,0.0,0.10357566083085096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761738828222912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916525841128369,0.0,0.14377199900189255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870712314476208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MrsRibbeck,2020/04/09,"EMDR was a miracle cure? I had one (1) EMDR session about a month ago and since then I feel calm? relieved? human? I sleep through the night, I am still a bit jumpy, but no more hypervigilant. I've even lost any signs of disordered eating, even though I thought it had other reasons. The memories are already fading, like ... any other memory? They are nothing special. No more spicy memories, I guess.  
Everything is fine? One session fixed what nearly 5 years of regular therapy couldn't.

I am so skeptical, I even was before the session. Could 40 minutes of eye wibble-wobble do the trick? Am I fooling myself? Is it placebo? Did I even had a trauma? Maybe I am/ was an imposter? Should it be this way?

Does someone else had a similar experience?",1.7670676691729312,4.5431621428571445,3.5508270676691747,82.72890977443609,88.28571428571428,6.375939849624063,25.939849624060148,7.669130373188453,2.041857142857143,580,26,102,12,19,193,96,140,0.16399999999999998,0.742,0.094,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,2,0,10,0,21,3,2,1,0,10,25,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,10,2,13,5,6,11,3,9,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,8,73,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493963843943738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598290662389766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22921958165270576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341113647918788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839969093881303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456173201893906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931560676615143,0.0,0.14748638642676598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245369807605346,0.14078962639156808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452639337788398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514686703393038,0.164859873583607,0.0,0.0,0.08521651717914837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566064594480525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233783992466079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839762008187312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931637262082055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452327734804365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815897251193606,0.0,0.16171417636123514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22840777697185435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328236926112187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941415088458575,0.0,0.16865702522175186,0.0,0.1427994221227981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459251709905176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273481616733035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655850873920693,0.1337982113854264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377548522713698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853121465977147
ptsd,egregoroi,2020/04/09,"Is this PTSD psychosis? Hello everyone. I’m 21 (F) diagnosed with PTSD when I was 14. I used to have dreams of what happened every night but it got better after few years and now I have them from time to time. There were always dreams that I couldn’t remember clearly, let’s say things that would happen were always in a blur and would cause a huge distress. Since I went through a severe abuse and neglect, I have holes in my memory and my therapist told me that what I’m experiencing is dissociation which means I used to dissociate a lot as a child (explains the holes in my memory). Let’s say everything was under control until I haven’t started dating my current boyfriend. *Trigger warning* He likes to have rough sex and well, it’s not like we always practice it that way, but I felt comfortable enough to do it with him. It was fine until he suggested we try something new, first time when it happened it was the position that triggered me and second time it was the atmosphere and “dirty’’ talk. What happened was that at one point I snapped and it looked like I was in some other room. I would suddenly feel like it wasn’t my boyfriend who was doing that to me, but someone else. I’d start to feel disgusting and in pain, couldn’t get out of that “hallucination”. I’d start to scream and have a panic attack. Last time it happened, I even started crying and my boyfriend told me that he has only heard that in movies and that it was awful, almost if I was crying in pain. Before that, I saw some other man on top of me and started hitting my boyfriend. It’s been a week now and he still can’t touch me because he feels like he was the one who raped me. I’m writing this because I feel so confused and sad, I can’t remember what had happened to me and I’m scared I might hurt my boyfriend or someone else next time it happens because it’s hard for me to snap out if it and go back to reality. I would be so thankful if someone could tell me if this is PTSD psychosis and what should I do about it? I’ve heard there a lot of therapies which help you remember, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that..",3.98617486338798,4.965131384074947,4.717908665105387,86.58863505074163,71.2248243559719,7.660546448087432,27.81647150663544,7.908726449838941,1.5455159094457454,1659,58,349,21,30,534,191,427,0.196,0.7120000000000001,0.092,-0.9951,1,0,1,0,1,0,38.0,2,1,1,4,13,24,3,4,12,1,43,5,0,6,2,72,82,35,0,13,12,0,8,5,0,6,3,5,1,2,45,24,0,2,10,2,0,2,8,13,1,4,24,16,43,11,38,45,6,49,0,3,2,2,28,16,0,14,35,233,88,0,0.0,0.08461329762471734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151028578405197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826521156477226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812431444706029,0.0,0.05491255896568304,0.0,0.1305989859439648,0.0,0.06076761266527352,0.0,0.0,0.0631594207825155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336131695986238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009629159778887,0.057017853784889876,0.0,0.15688871159893808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248318019451715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193135999601114,0.0,0.0,0.07378921612524778,0.0,0.047167930828048335,0.0,0.060168937964534513,0.06823864166150798,0.06418183215107967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443520735581414,0.1020356105027608,0.06856814109883251,0.0,0.0,0.06074427064261913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037310596453776435,0.0,0.04058592710063156,0.0,0.057115884675868936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420549391623623,0.0,0.06397245213429108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047866951128991184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644960865284799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058211518623213714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460502459140143,0.0,0.17444509844474995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996933827845946,0.0,0.0,0.12142637592294064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777902166260394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575841819366744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897158516611931,0.07594904744385121,0.06701671444140415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678324613776483,0.054313170481161833,0.15197795808195394,0.08378833331547816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750882262825413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504356138628856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24269265898219386,0.0,0.0,0.11358173318395708,0.07149735288195821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067690673731069,0.0,0.059073969630259224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152523267206086,0.05497758678880422,0.0,0.0,0.25273414784711284,0.0,0.05703089834942013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730636090433173,0.0,0.0,0.057399451108610326,0.062418530261318377,0.06574793880193966,0.0816675395196293,0.08291655588793059,0.047443943697379316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24985065114206284,0.0,0.0,0.13647728332301595,0.0,0.04848506604314511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335663766664365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668469736707935,0.05728358703846834,0.0,0.06420929602948745,0.06620101255033703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029203524181841,0.0,0.0,0.04598794052157696
ptsd,xpuncher2,2020/04/09,"My mom claims she has PTSD, but shows no symptoms. So, admittedly this is half a vent post and half a serious question for help. But my mom claims she has PTSD, and likes to exaggerate things like crazy. And she seems to use this as an excuse to be horrible to people, especially me. I'm 18 and have been stuck with her due to the corona virus and she just Burst into my room at 2-3 AM to yell at me about school that I have apparently not done. She then got my stepdad involved, and then she started accusing him of stuff too, all of which are completely rediculous. And she seems to just be trying to start a fight, the slightest thing that could MAYBE be against her she is streatching out to be like it's some huge insult directed entirely at her. Even when she is the direct cause of some of the things she is arguing about.

I'm hoping I can get some advice on how to try and survive this, and before anyone assumes anything, my mom was the only one yelling for 99% of the time. And she was the only one who made threats.",6.3163548102383045,5.567837378640782,6.377714033539277,82.69283759929394,65.99029126213591,9.62683142100618,30.863195057369808,8.841846274778883,2.149064077669903,804,25,171,11,11,256,124,206,0.145,0.762,0.09300000000000001,-0.9052,1,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,4,0,11,0,20,1,0,4,1,33,33,18,0,2,5,3,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,12,13,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,5,0,4,7,2,24,4,28,21,4,16,0,0,0,0,27,8,0,8,10,126,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332601429068183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535375967667116,0.0,0.11222169659985592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604165939019448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400905611014286,0.0,0.0,0.14298237747987247,0.0,0.0,0.10888113055405843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955485906090134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007174583997628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124820830436084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906833006316817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140659300791833,0.0,0.0,0.13544715293759646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987191671509616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903751815186526,0.0,0.0,0.13700297845209414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791481291518738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481701008823576,0.20743255010175007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945424665044898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060570197757254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31882075476759697,0.0,0.15276670704817796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380147117922979,0.0,0.24829403607247946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304816243015208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561121451008176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174166325619889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717964576781062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951901483538684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517388696116896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778074128467875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lady_Arachnia,2020/04/09,"How do you heal your pent-up anger? I don’t know how to release it (sometimes talking about it helps in the moment, but it’ll return; sometimes that seems to add fuel to the fire) or how to stop feeling so much of it to begin with.

Anger seemed to improve my athleticism, but athletics didn’t cure my anger. 

Anger takes up a lot of mental space and impacts my ability to get things done (or go to sleep).

Thanks in advance for any advice!",5.674772727272727,5.3693396590909135,5.7558181818181815,85.1437272727273,67.18181818181819,8.403636363636364,30.1,7.554174236665415,1.710333636363636,342,11,71,3,5,108,62,88,0.193,0.674,0.133,-0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,5,5,4,0,3,0,5,2,1,3,0,16,14,9,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,2,6,1,16,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,5,4,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317803041042034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612980164441703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427287481972223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993089848757205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392250996767795,0.0,0.13480111372399134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898413030608013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303539727970117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016513096928336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23903274425780904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436267959271914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318595638035653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373623006507381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4691759361137953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830230017467165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783381163317666,0.1906451444955672,0.0,0.21837360899956806,0.0,0.0,0.1575791636841912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,p1nkxbebe,2020/04/09,"Urgent I’m sick and tired of my complex ptsd acting up. Therapy didn’t do shit. I did everything I can since last summer to help myself like exercising, journaling, etc what the flying FUCK. sorry for the profanity but what did you guys do to help your ptsd ? I know having a dog calm down ptsd but I don’t want to rely on a dog to aid me I need to rely on myself. Thoughts?",0.4752564102564065,2.7216462692307744,3.069487179487183,88.49217948717953,86.30769230769229,6.030769230769232,17.641025641025642,7.3871296695380915,0.3791948717948719,291,7,62,5,9,101,53,78,0.126,0.708,0.165,0.4842,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,0,8,5,1,0,0,8,14,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,11,2,11,10,1,7,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,3,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732737678153555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513321840856527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801507059904471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929482220772528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612294764939866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070933935579495,0.15884200034887988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520180556489186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444908535480851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6833646468160857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000274029882276,0.16119537381176333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813681039535385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284653703736265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470203392390175,0.0,0.2239700857787678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149371617195908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,winterwritings,2020/04/09,"Flashbacks. This is my first time posting on this page but I don’t really know where else to go or who to talk to about it. Ive repressed a lot of memories in my life. I was raped when I was in fourth grade and repressed it until it happened again in 8th grade. Me repressing that memory kind of affected my overall memory of life. My life was very traumatic a lot of bad things have happened to me and I really haven’t taken it well. I’ve been finally getting help I was in a partial hospitalization program at the inpatient hospital I frequent for over a month. I started DBT yesterday so like I’m finally doing stuff. I think me finally starting to get help has triggered my flashbacks and what I repressed when I was a child. I feel like I’m spending more time in flashbacks then I am reality. I can’t seem to do anything without a flashback. I take a bath, flashback. Drive the car, flashback. I can’t do anything. I don’t want to talk about it with the people in my life. I don’t know what to do.",1.932794117647056,4.097316299019609,3.8321176470588254,85.75552941176474,79.63725490196079,7.217254901960787,27.84705882352941,8.238735603445708,2.0722047058823523,791,36,160,16,20,267,105,204,0.152,0.752,0.096,-0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,1,4,10,0,21,5,0,2,0,21,38,10,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,13,4,0,4,5,1,1,3,7,6,1,1,7,1,27,4,27,31,4,30,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,4,18,113,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22649634779993225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149055715872386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496247028242487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695839713114426,0.09831457473493677,0.0,0.4522625178677245,0.0,0.11705809582334817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379981284516818,0.0,0.0782116781280742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24339089986935816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448535451169526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330833132377832,0.15126288917746702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888156339329429,0.13446674613840412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339963950163353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984565177697693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540723418047063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180033538988814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632367426706674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528257470443874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948139489274736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575400826393925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103471870277469,0.22122482917311026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914275148719755,0.0881802800984855,0.0,0.0,0.16049272989593058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354954899672083,0.08117086674518087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237354214291278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265917577567393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,i_think_ur_rlly_cool,2020/04/09,"Alright folks, Round 2. 2nd time being diagnosed with PTSD from a separate event. My mom has never been great with my PTSD, long story short: she doesn't understand it. I'm trying to look at it with a less angry view, people are confused by things they don't understand. It makes me feel less bitter, though she can be pretty mean about it. Treating my triggers like jokes and triggering me like a practical joke. Invalidating me non-stop. Etc Etc. We live in an extremely small house and since were stuck at home all day right now i'm constantly with her. Normally i'm spending lots of time away from her so even though her comments and actions hurt they were small compared to my whole day. I'm having a really difficult time already with my usual mental health status but it's getting worse with her always being around with something to say. Maybe this was just a vent but if anyone has any advice i'm open to it. <3 hang in there lovies.",3.744478021978022,5.925192280219778,4.082513736263735,86.05311126373627,74.0,7.187362637362638,23.46291208791209,8.07648339933343,1.3012406593406591,753,22,143,12,16,235,125,182,0.095,0.848,0.055999999999999994,-0.7964,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,2,0,9,11,1,1,6,1,14,2,0,3,2,29,27,9,0,2,4,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,8,13,0,0,4,2,1,2,3,4,0,0,5,6,17,7,22,19,7,24,0,1,3,0,12,11,0,3,13,88,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826964292419227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485306698728173,0.0,0.10922214743083616,0.0,0.0,0.08926400823243638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178282747121423,0.0,0.0,0.11685277256367023,0.0,0.0,0.12332683098324357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184973094828054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930881693943867,0.0,0.0,0.1332301775086084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927880734961255,0.08669862139147698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637101277450362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858001228904008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471900232330284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952747349549027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316684754339449,0.0,0.0,0.1514610100966588,0.14052080639879316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282579013168562,0.0,0.11590849998508605,0.11616449244264772,0.11022868426125304,0.0,0.0,0.11159594250021694,0.0,0.0,0.08761972651924435,0.0,0.13187231187264306,0.1429849565334648,0.0,0.0,0.13228321910974186,0.0,0.0,0.1537347879455135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123887422277177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286108312808364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100191666598337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354265880841878,0.0,0.0,0.30688113849207593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409106735837067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120987224577335,0.0,0.10438638614657994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858292142889343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105342545968164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974256562807673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720595624456896,0.0,0.25793238950289993,0.0,0.2296232485451598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911962662385302,0.0,0.0,0.2733008667390241,0.0,0.0,0.1445687301043273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655154694606365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337692107128398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,iwannawatchporn1,2020/04/09,"18 years today since the event that changed my life. NSFW. 3 days after my 10th birthday I was held in a hostage at my primary school. 

For some reason as I get older the day kind of gets worse. 

But it’s okay to not be okay.",-0.5524999999999984,1.5702520833333369,1.2966666666666669,100.015,90.66666666666666,4.033333333333334,16.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.8465666666666669,172,4,41,1,6,56,43,48,0.066,0.853,0.081,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,3,7,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,22,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253009413438324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39663230902650976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213187490052349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32022054015163764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172008269988657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31616773992720104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112128402441869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543724280029151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29148006127611603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133752386957248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980240055399142
ptsd,saus33,2020/04/10,"Yale course The science of well being It's offered for free. In third week now the professor cites research that we overestimate the intensity of negative future events and underestimate our coping skills. When I watched her It didn't make sense me. It doesn't seem to apply to my own experience with trauma. Thoughts?
Here is a screenshot 
https://imgur.com/a/g4p0VZ4",5.5391935483870975,9.21171961290323,4.561532258064517,76.16229838709678,78.67741935483872,7.616129032258066,28.717741935483872,8.472884824447931,2.8988645161290325,304,13,46,7,8,90,55,62,0.132,0.787,0.08199999999999999,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,2,1,6,3,7,4,1,6,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,5,33,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709987520994225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32140455183377786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383389200317768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822566961008329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38622973113758136,0.0,0.43292573709373977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jodieraven,2020/04/10,"Abuse victims with PTSD, have you guys also noticed how abuse is used for comedy in media? It's kinda painful to see what causes me so much heartache used in comic relief. I've mostly seen this with emotional and physical abuse. For example, i remember seeing good luck Charlie as a kid and seeing how neglected Gabe was. He was the 3rd out of 5 siblings, but the parents treat the other 4 kids with more love and attention than him. Causing him to act out and be a delinquent. (And Disney loves to copy this dynamic into other shows)
A more recent example I've seen is in my favorite game Persona 5 the Royal, the character Ryuji had already been physically abused by his dad and coach, then his friends casually called him ""stupid"" and beat up on him. There's even a controversial scene in the original Persona 5 where Ryuji is implied to get assaulted by two stereotypical gay men. And this isn't the first example of a character abused for comedy in the history of Atlus games.
As a domestic violence victim who's abuse was treated as comedy or punishment in real life, it brings me back to a time where my pain was used as a punchline. My abuser and his friend thought it was funny when I got upset in response to abuse. Im not trying to be some tumblrina complaining, im trying to explain that abuse isnt funny and shouldn't be treated as such.",7.384098901098902,6.984801607692307,7.945934065934066,71.1719230769231,63.69230769230769,11.428571428571427,35.49450549450549,10.914260884657429,3.945296703296704,1078,44,192,26,14,359,154,260,0.223,0.597,0.18,-0.9556,1,0,0,0,10,0,23.0,0,1,0,2,11,22,5,1,16,0,17,6,0,8,0,38,32,23,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,11,16,0,1,4,6,0,2,4,10,0,2,11,5,15,12,37,17,5,23,0,1,5,3,25,14,0,5,7,128,26,0,0.0,0.8277194216527716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856572925830622,0.0620739124294812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059686168098464915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926026448157647,0.0,0.0,0.15947739382269546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731377780238463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126829092082615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066024836884032,0.0,0.0,0.11994040872491635,0.0,0.040554047630265794,0.0,0.0,0.06510525971102134,0.06208103133541604,0.0,0.0,0.0768575219703065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167689152564471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482638477035535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011292936265826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057060758493257015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837263055175412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518956909310598,0.0,0.08618952724783076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073541905173113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835029882922811,0.0,0.0,0.07664190016440507,0.0,0.08793006623085453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556293791587916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061622827322020325,0.04526174049697067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053998522969885,0.0,0.07582495954252735,0.0,0.0,0.201120248733098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lancer656,2020/04/10,"Choline up to 1g really calms me down When i used it for the first time i was shocked how much i was able to focus, and how calm i was during the day. It mad a drastic change.",4.348500000000001,2.417332850000001,5.485000000000002,91.36000000000004,70.5,9.0,27.5,7.1686216300943375,0.9825000000000004,134,3,36,1,2,45,31,40,0.136,0.743,0.121,-0.1548,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,3,0,4,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,5,2,5,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,24,7,0,0.4345660851123555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597132966423024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28025917414223056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36964168999838215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194560743721903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783941618235465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25339897891689794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753255701091928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Samsungitbetter,2020/04/10,"PTSD - Dental appt. 

I recently had a dental appt in which my dentist told me that due to my teeth grinding I would need a mouth guard. That I would need it ASAP because my teeth were at 60% (not sure what she meant by that), and need to be preserved. She said that she sees this in a lot of PTSD patients and I was wondering if any of you have been through the same thing? I’m a 25 year old female so it’s hard for me to accept that my teeth are so damaged. I e been paying extra attention since the appt and I do it all the time, anytime I’m anxious I grit down on my teeth, I grind them at night, I don’t even know how to stop. Any advice? Please tell me someone else has been where I’m at.",1.4933999999999976,2.6468861399999994,2.894333333333332,96.57550000000002,77.6,5.8000000000000025,21.166666666666664,5.985473137389443,-0.10793333333333344,531,13,130,3,12,173,94,150,0.071,0.878,0.051,-0.4175,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,7,0,14,6,5,1,2,22,26,7,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,12,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,9,3,22,2,16,14,4,15,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,3,7,85,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118271536055568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382552093362612,0.0,0.0,0.1979022038157387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678738265861312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463394255693211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157039583916285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692581400146874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627369809384848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893076822313814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896786258141198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439345553527887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838207032332966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922937390353561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095493320353227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729679509186723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663517326881747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395948389801928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490973006734825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484284456225591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645733742278175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510396459740045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311400990962254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638102395265655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021481786330979,0.0,0.0,0.1673908695356492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997395755089466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24888401505887764,0.0,0.0,0.11280941655089753
ptsd,depressed333,2020/04/10,"A method to find a way out A way out of PTSD is to develop a sophisticated understanding of malevolence and pure evil and understand that it does not only exist - but that to understand evil in a sophisticated way (a way to start is: good doesn't always reward good, bad doesn't always reward bad ect). Study it hard.

​

The more you study the nature of malevolence - that's its something which has always been present part of the world - only then can you get out of this hell - because what caused you to enter it was not just your encounter with evil but also your naivety that evil doesn't really exist.

​

Also have some appreciation to your situation: you encountered a force of human nature which has fundamentally shaped human history and society.",11.161966426858509,9.14872074820144,10.423417266187053,61.59421462829739,57.345323741007185,13.583213429256597,38.27458033573141,12.161744961471696,4.622999040767387,620,21,103,15,6,200,76,139,0.264,0.629,0.107,-0.9867,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,7,0,2,3,11,5,0,10,0,11,0,0,1,1,19,16,8,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,2,1,7,4,17,14,3,14,1,0,0,0,9,6,1,1,3,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023776206209749,0.31585807534214283,0.2741980323313368,0.3075041534164145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113004079534677,0.07713365941267407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299847804072957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073033613584538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564934502548273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610854177499016,0.0,0.0,0.21226062663917766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334918029540865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924688877131379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370234716692444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791091374011126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106061305347388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222897814162527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741168564320664,0.0,0.0,0.08956107679284388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951775706121858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017456744264884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075041534164145,0.0
ptsd,dm_fucking_t,2020/04/10,"I'm a childhood trauma survivor and I interviewed another childhood trauma survivor about her healing journey. She dropped SO much knowledge and wisdom, I had to share. A couple weeks ago I interviewed my friend Astaria about her healing journey, and how she transformed her trauma into finding her calling as a healer. 

It was a really excellent conversation, and I think people here might really appreciate it. I wouldn't share it here if I didn't. 

I went through some shit just like all you lovely people, and now in my mid 30s, I've healed enough that I have a really great life. I'm making it my purpose on this planet for the next while to do what I can to help others, so that's why I made that video, and I've made quite a few others.

I love all of you so much, even if I don't know you. You are the beautiful people who came to earth to go through a few layers of hell as I did. I truly believe its all for something. 

I bet a lot of you are feeling triggered lately, as I am, from this pandemic situation. I've had fears and stress in the last week that were worse than I've experienced in a couple of years. Let's all hang in there together. We can get through this. The whole world is being traumatized right now. It's awful, but there are silver linings. Maybe after this us folks will start making a little more sense to the rest of society. IDK. Anyway, here's the video. I hope you enjoy. <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3  
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bO308YlqSfw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bO308YlqSfw)",4.864723731884059,6.846105843750002,4.780978260869566,83.0879347826087,70.4236111111111,7.369806763285023,25.368961352657003,8.04050195162591,1.4724195048309183,1225,37,225,17,23,378,156,288,0.08199999999999999,0.773,0.145,0.9421,0,0,1,0,0,0,68.0,2,6,0,2,16,18,2,2,16,1,21,8,1,6,4,35,38,18,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,0,18,10,0,0,5,2,1,6,3,7,0,0,10,2,34,11,30,23,14,31,1,0,0,2,25,10,2,7,15,158,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320594342941835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391357267502435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388382779360998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040473050862592,0.14606458421716886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28261421133913484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195709334933,0.0,0.08435030724282025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370764840061648,0.06457329112844334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672332101307432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986673257979272,0.0,0.0667224578021444,0.0,0.0725797244138858,0.0,0.0,0.14079915128898515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856003637137824,0.0,0.0,0.1268434275244257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018529120786066,0.1040995310741808,0.14406083161353134,0.0,0.0,0.13059066721250845,0.09020434107184068,0.062391957385032164,0.12799753921523627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857326086468512,0.230523944296939,0.2416818770516172,0.17049292673428149,0.0,0.12830042559790875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547861308908554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776098925737447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358195149590677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656111310859607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358337860957371,0.0,0.0,0.2454401438297573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906242255158853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310910137578579,0.0,0.14354978551178493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983162978679328,0.0,0.0,0.09039278445082644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462897375444133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183049617995615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536176875649194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488022611296594,0.0,0.0,0.11838712554009605,0.11523712227527072,0.1425820597076564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014594513917882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224013316591917
ptsd,missemmalu,2020/04/10,"Muscle spasms from PTSD? Hi, everyone. I’m new to this subreddit, but I wanted to pop by and ask if anyone has experienced this. I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD and sometimes when I feel overwhelmed, I get strange muscle spasms sort of? Usually I just shake my head really fast, but it’s involuntary and I can’t tell when it’s coming really. I guess it mostly happens at night when I’m trying to lie still and have a million thoughts running through my head. If you relate or know what this could be pls lmk :) thanks.",2.833235294117649,5.221405460784318,3.889960784313725,85.34082352941176,77.72549019607844,7.217254901960787,23.925490196078428,8.238735603445708,1.5635772549019609,415,14,80,8,10,134,72,102,0.075,0.8170000000000001,0.10800000000000001,0.5122,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,2,1,0,7,3,2,0,0,20,19,12,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,2,2,10,1,9,15,1,12,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,6,8,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326115662721269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773023322859018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633714581482867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142451969606166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924963852270864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122400007002407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589554169983157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908719414275637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089269639803374,0.0,0.16771177146038693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892826081157363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422972721570918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317050648481886,0.0,0.17797888068854364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433943642406434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429963961479805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425678173278906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757418277334206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514591626506367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576730510784304,0.17460934414771212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056531742902032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876366524972066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887878769173865,0.0,0.11186375382248344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SilkNooses,2020/04/10,"Living to Die I don’t even know what’s wrong with me 

I feel completely disconnected from all of my memories, it’s like they’re a ghost in fog

I don’t even know if I’m alive 

It is like I have a split personality, the damaged side, and the not damaged side, but the damaged side is the primary one. 

I don’t know how I am supposed to overcome any of this 

Did I do something to deserve this or is it just chance 

It is like I am drowning in black water

I have no friends or family

I have social anxiety, and can’t relate to anyone

A child should not be sleeping with a knife out of terror, and stabbing and cutting themselves ~30 times at 12 year old out of frustration, and anger

I have an extraordinary IQ, but i’m as useful as limp lettuce

I am a prisoner of myself I feel nothing 

I continue living, but I’d equate it to the life of someone in a coma,  

I am 23, i cannot see any future beyond this waste of existence if something doesn’t change 

Help me please",2.9075412541254164,3.978791569306935,4.791702970297031,84.69405610561058,73.9009900990099,7.762904290429042,27.32805280528053,8.238735603445708,1.7014781518151816,755,28,162,12,15,259,112,202,0.203,0.6779999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.9576,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,12,3,1,12,0,22,4,1,2,1,28,31,15,3,3,10,0,3,3,1,1,2,0,0,2,9,9,1,0,5,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,1,5,20,4,24,28,1,15,0,3,2,0,5,10,0,4,8,108,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925494690307825,0.0,0.1345736397483723,0.0,0.0,0.1230030778813952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609356390381385,0.0,0.18444236045290013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825708383523047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323789225728537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583595388301187,0.0,0.1778946907237035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591063039084936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791136832727013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29003301027216266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425317864774445,0.25782791387957754,0.0,0.31067036489484223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687941161039355,0.0,0.18459202933816124,0.0,0.11920380047296465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360121817782862,0.0,0.19310061866377184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018058988591714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604092688468198,0.17932205136135215,0.1490512630353935,0.27085420452747244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257680041159303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193311456509062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923342167096181,0.0,0.11328277372084496
ptsd,singlebananas,2020/04/10,"Nighttime/sleep Does anyone else avoid sleep because they dread the nightmares? 

The nightmares stopped for a while for me but lately they’ve been happening again.",5.495000000000001,9.215150259259259,2.338796296296298,90.31708333333334,83.44444444444444,4.181481481481482,28.972222222222207,5.985473137389443,1.4302666666666664,135,6,20,1,4,35,22,27,0.19399999999999998,0.8059999999999999,0.0,-0.4678,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196554414426084,0.32187567713791304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149809179477315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749078448406145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624253919628016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27779479747383196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543659411417673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6287378848211658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626368391803992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tinfoil--hat,2020/04/10,"repressed memories surfacing or false memories being created? tw: ptsd, sexual assault, attempted murder, mentions of r*pe
my therapist told me i have ptsd last year with severe dissociation. but, she’s not a trauma specialist. i took several screenings and tests that confirmed this, and i have every symptom, but i keep telling myself im faking everything. there are several traumatic events from my past that i remember— the earliest being from when i was in third grade. i really don’t remember the majority of my childhood though, everything is cloudy. (now to the point of this post) i’ve always had an abnormal relationship with sex, ever since i was very young. i always felt like something was off, and i was /extremely/ uncomfortable around men older than me. i thought this was normal for little girls. semi-recently i found out something had happened with my uncle. he’s an alcoholic, and one day he tried to strangle his wife. their son had to break down the door and hold him down while my younger cousin called the police. i didn’t hear much about the specifics of the case, but i also think he tried to r*pe her, since he was screaming about how he’s been “fvcking prostitutes anyways.” anyways, after hearing this, i had a panic attack and i felt like things started making sense. out of nowhere, repressed/fake memories appeared from when i was much younger (elementary school?), and i immediately assumed i was making things up since i also have ocd, and sexual trauma from my later years (mostly in 8th grade). but, it also felt so real, and it would explain a lot of things about why i react to certain things in a different way than everyone else, and how much i knew about sex from an extremely young age without doing any research on what it actually was. i have no idea if learning about the events with my uncle triggered repressed memories, especially since i’ve been working on other trauma work with my therapist, or if learning about this story made me create a whole scenario in my head to explain why my views on sex have always been so drastically different than my peers. i feel awful and disgusting. deep down i think it happened, but my ocd and ptsd make me doubt everything. i’ve had other repressed memories surface while working with my therapist that i know are true, so i know my brain is capable of repressing memories. but, if i did subconsciously create this whole thing, i feel so awful towards actual CSA survivors, like i’m invalidating their experiences by breathing. im crying thinking about it now. i’ve NEVER told anyone about this, or even wrote about it before now, and i dont think i’ll ever tell anyone about these thoughts. i just want to know if they actually occurred or if im just a sick twisted person that thinks these awful things happened to me as a young child when they actually didnt.",7.8514367816091974,8.19214950766284,7.78833716475096,70.21537931034484,62.544061302681996,10.944674329501915,35.9823754789272,10.650279960617883,3.99780490421456,2281,97,379,52,30,734,250,522,0.136,0.7959999999999999,0.068,-0.9914,2,0,3,0,0,0,67.0,0,0,4,4,35,20,4,6,18,3,35,9,3,8,5,93,72,44,1,8,19,3,5,3,0,1,3,3,1,4,28,22,1,6,24,0,0,2,8,15,0,2,32,10,59,5,60,37,8,53,0,0,2,3,32,21,0,14,30,266,87,10,0.0,0.0,0.256916389483142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033967048463385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790444249582114,0.1642981180154427,0.0,0.0,0.04475865290474877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204327250695298,0.0,0.0,0.058592178322487073,0.0,0.07487773761919203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056006465364489534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073474911257187,0.06720777100070231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722982342637482,0.04244731287090193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753208177583032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713847451222093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498268494178685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434723196842875,0.11907271307331133,0.055454696874319837,0.06289213864277875,0.1774595414435184,0.06438285775103914,0.0,0.0,0.06655934866772391,0.0,0.18958746531869747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216629116395845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460852831805518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675484917874491,0.0,0.1483638558140035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430076941993613,0.21328494621932112,0.0,0.0,0.058502266337386664,0.0,0.0,0.10851593252907694,0.05365064149456796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964663866379015,0.06596715679468383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559563048405717,0.0,0.062278799950553,0.1318025373677586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451519149610938,0.0,0.05076307597576588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448789014829842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446001355404176,0.0,0.0,0.07722351071499857,0.0,0.0,0.06283094732313922,0.0,0.05746993906841194,0.0,0.0,0.062219500989010336,0.0,0.06303566979868487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23081396353524575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491555434991755,0.04216484304046172,0.0,0.0,0.07066414644797273,0.07455922326241421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661156188566622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230675939724449,0.0,0.21778207758559667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134017695481973,0.0,0.0,0.04658648143968318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841034155819943,0.0,0.0,0.11505606687032535,0.0,0.0,0.22926011135536736,0.26236024153970505,0.21086831845308526,0.06466607607733267,0.1045046441407431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257842772855575,0.0731264744822586,0.08937251450038257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054306932187791895,0.03882129691313994,0.05224344680567207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878142908541232,0.14696740494405255,0.0,0.06344642428430906,0.0,0.14374936439290506,0.0,0.0,0.04675538165395808,0.0,0.0,0.08476956342495184
ptsd,bunniesok,2020/04/10,"Recently diagnosed by a medical professional I’ve been feeling really fed up and worried about my future because of my anxiety. I had been suspicious of ptsd but hadn’t talked to anyone who could verify until yesterday. My ptsd makes me feel like the weakest human being because it’s not triggered by things most people have been traumatized by. I know some other people have similar triggers because of similar events as me but none of them understand to the extent of mine because they are obsessed with achieving the thing that triggers me. I know that sounds super confusing but I’ll try to explain. 
Trigger warning: triggers ahead possibly. 

In the years 2016-2017 I had 3 miscarriages. 1st was an unplanned and lost without knowledge of it before it happened, 2nd and 3rd were planned and so devastating and plunged my depression deeper. My in laws were indifferent and blamed me a little bit because I couldn’t prevent them. They expected me to move on and accept it as it was. While I was still experiencing my 3rd one, everyone on the in laws side was talking about the fact that another girl in the family was expecting. They had no care in the world that this was continuing to crush my soul as I was already still grieving how unfair the situation felt. 
Before I lost my 3rd, I was excitedly telling my friend (not my friend anymore) that I was amazed at feeling pregnant. After I lost it, she proceeded to brag about how she was having a kid (she never wanted one) and it sent me into a rage and panic. Reliving my loss and angry that someone who didn’t care about motherhood was doing it just because I was so excited before and then oblivious to my pain. 

Everytime I started seeing announcements of having babies, I was sent into a panic I couldn’t control. I kept feeling unreasonably unsafe and al that anxiety stuff. There are a lot more things that added to all this but I really don’t want to explain it all here. 

I know this is nothing like the traumatic events posted here but it’s such a burden in my life and I have nightmares about them so often sometimes I’m afraid to go to sleep. I’m not sure if anyone here will understand but I just wanted a place to let this struggle out now that i know what it is.",6.032507598784193,7.094538193853433,6.648830631543398,74.30125,66.5886524822695,9.825363053022627,33.31045254981425,9.957137785484203,3.452947382641,1788,77,309,40,28,586,212,423,0.201,0.682,0.11599999999999999,-0.9916,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,6,9,21,27,1,6,19,0,40,6,1,9,5,76,72,31,1,9,13,0,5,2,2,1,4,1,0,3,32,17,1,3,15,0,0,4,12,15,0,2,31,8,50,12,48,35,9,40,1,6,1,0,23,17,0,6,20,241,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000982060144308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511493570166364,0.1387822892615882,0.0,0.08995766763650591,0.1268498702013291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317674435256283,0.0,0.23155672332437105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902931874915144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496509742306505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101736402113732,0.07242272001119299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812641180660845,0.0920664093136999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866750975517285,0.0,0.0,0.08551114974967422,0.0,0.1834581606938844,0.06480160125363145,0.08709361989006885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016109288487752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155127805920109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021252232753621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940232575643185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275477210437913,0.06406953327934951,0.08863040387070596,0.09091294832356436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970545194545209,0.07711644547879733,0.0,0.0,0.060548096208563364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137846798786964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640793328226596,0.0,0.0,0.06995937262073862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703648757138494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293177437462985,0.0,0.09651939151872302,0.21285189115692385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577060039659993,0.0,0.0947702436398314,0.0,0.0,0.1022593062172302,0.08687290569132028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120649017767776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621935468098332,0.0,0.08956291380041886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228229544353515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195925884283072,0.090773211167024,0.0,0.07685634252020462,0.0,0.0897122378039507,0.0,0.06420337915858038,0.0,0.14487857781281235,0.0,0.0,0.0948273860847758,0.10383861847733014,0.0,0.0,0.08549093673600358,0.0,0.0,0.14581483168826978,0.07928253065575061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078650225515905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158457622790162,0.0,0.0,0.18885983591336253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050526041782348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743898892333601,0.0,0.0,0.09211807560411626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841278685884507
ptsd,ptsdeadhaha,2020/04/10,"Sexual assault TW...Stuck in the house with my abuser, minor, nowhere to go. Advice plz? Throw away acc. So, my brother is 25 right now and I am turning 17 in May. When I was 7 he r*ped me and I didn’t tell my parents until October of 2018...Since then all that has happened it a switch of rooms because he used to have to walk through my room to get to his. He still lives with us because he has high functioning autism and can only really work at a grocery (as he is now). My parents don’t want him to work too much or he will no longer get disability and they’re scared he’ll have a fit at work and get fired even though he’s been working there for like 2 years and been fine.
We don’t have enough money to get him an apartment. My parents don’t think he could survive on his own, so I’m stuck living with him. 
Since I told he doesn’t talk to me or look at me. I do the same towards him. This was until maybe 3 months ago when he had an outburst and screamed at me saying I’m a “junkie lair who should finish what she started and kill yourself” (I used to smoke weed and have attempted suicide before). 
He’s had an outburst like this three times now where he yells at me while I lock myself in another room. Talked to my dad about it and he said unless he sexually touches me or punches me hard (not light shoving) they aren’t going to kick him out.
A week ago I was sleeping on the couch because it’s right by my parents room and makes me feel more sleep. He then went into the living room in the middle of the night and slept in the middle of the floor.
He’s being creepy. He yells at me like once every week and half calling me a lair etc. Being in a house with him without going to school or to friends makes me feel terrible.
I would stay at a friends but my mom has severe COPD so I can’t because of the virus.
I don’t think I can do anything. I’m only allowed to leave the house for a 2 hour walk every other day. I’m unable to function well enough to get my schoolwork done. I feel terrible. I feel unloved by my parents even though I KNOW they love me, but they refuse to do anything! It makes me feel terrible! I don’t want to hurt myself but I almost want to go to a psychward so I don’t have to be here! Or run away and live under a bridge! Or something! I feel so fucking trapped.
If you read all of this please at least comment “that’s fucked up” so I know I’m not crazy for feeling so terrible because my parents are acting like it’s not big deal while also saying they believe me and it’s making me feel nuts. 
Sorry this is so long and badly written. Thank you for reading. Any advice is appreciated. Btw CPS already knows and also did nothing because they couldn’t I guess. My parents have looked into assisted living as well.",2.0198954703832754,3.635822871080141,3.2660278745644615,92.51120209059236,77.25783972125436,5.731010452961672,23.38675958188153,6.289867311903868,0.4142905923344951,2144,67,472,15,49,695,262,574,0.126,0.7959999999999999,0.078,-0.9856,10,1,2,0,1,3,54.0,2,2,5,6,27,24,4,1,24,0,48,6,3,7,2,74,101,50,2,8,15,10,11,4,2,5,0,6,6,0,15,25,0,1,13,2,1,10,16,13,2,2,16,20,69,11,69,75,10,75,0,1,2,3,61,39,2,10,29,298,84,7,0.0,0.07123328905714217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749865384736605,0.10658688166476188,0.0,0.060202273174685725,0.0,0.06634477179735675,0.09615712639316784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408841896072407,0.06304187612250901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894855277298327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297089703724225,0.0,0.050198337079380886,0.21989440377509856,0.0,0.051158352644482964,0.06773552722553057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061390034649170575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800154791379338,0.0,0.0,0.03877292713489371,0.061981880613341436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152442778401005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424166671443496,0.06705055793811288,0.07941841164975821,0.0,0.10130869427400503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24319096795488704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289832548022613,0.11116137808764716,0.15705312147708175,0.0,0.13667209093464502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622981332293693,0.0,0.053164604052379966,0.0,0.05385640676466155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352090116662633,0.0,0.0,0.059206854383438826,0.208113912119146,0.06436053462455879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665147314947658,0.0,0.09912241930888432,0.0,0.0,0.06365922149321923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748789819993034,0.0,0.2654387352930416,0.0532049952572969,0.10097262080723247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426134800729658,0.0,0.16052434047189268,0.0,0.060399400713749024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041272674230399,0.047987830167300384,0.0,0.04419568826726844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056419275994154874,0.0,0.05768750645875244,0.0,0.0,0.06402666477679393,0.0,0.09144911925437717,0.0,0.0,0.4672990519428438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599455859880952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027409194825375,0.0,0.0385149088667698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268562916774901,0.0571886259119949,0.09562090898984793,0.06019138536887912,0.060845435450517876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791936467650644,0.0,0.09946505508126748,0.0,0.12032838988785205,0.0,0.0,0.0462839109375049,0.0,0.0673002870620922,0.042553795002890464,0.06408074835927081,0.048012529724713086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576237142650909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664560553296596,0.052548208537467715,0.05535113346323154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704593194207833,0.11813671520133795,0.0,0.03505690821958673,0.0,0.0,0.05744797830596525,0.0,0.0,0.06539414064920185,0.0,0.0,0.07231789157918664,0.10385009537151384,0.0,0.0,0.10638237485655468,0.0,0.09645052085877287,0.0,0.10811159646584853,0.0557325620824887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795428307150685,0.0,0.1750745651279814,0.0,0.0,0.042708074632347,0.0,0.0,0.0387158088891125
ptsd,boozenbooks,2020/04/10,"Car broken into = worst panic attack Car was broken into last night. Thankfully my roommate was there to help. Massive dissociation and then one of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever experienced. She ended up laying her body weight on me as a form of DPT to get me to calm down. 

Happy Good Friday I guess? 😩",1.931214285714284,4.5607432166666655,4.2728571428571405,79.69500000000002,83.5,5.428571428571429,18.57142857142857,6.868970318607317,0.5336428571428571,243,6,42,3,7,84,49,60,0.324,0.504,0.17300000000000001,-0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,10,2,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,5,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,1,2,2,6,4,11,3,3,12,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892573627221543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23885084463830866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045354486154448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450775164542392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234476546615232,0.0,0.0,0.18035770928544648,0.0,0.0,0.2368807692153441,0.0,0.0,0.2289043819351169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144130673569599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527887594226793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179192459598425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571049677362566,0.0,0.0,0.5045848391509391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797155410629247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618496955586049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,OmegaSupremeGasket,2020/04/11,"Traumatic Flashback — potentially triggering Was having some sexy time with a lover and we move positions and he completely by accident elbowed me in the eye. 

My immediate thought was “you’re ok. Accidents happen.” Then he checked in and asked if I was ok and tears immediately began to stream down my face and I am not a crier. Flashback that I won’t get into here about an abusive parent occurred. I was uncontrollably sobbing and he kept asking me if I was hurt and I told him it wasn’t that it hurt bad but that I was not ok.

I got over a quick panic attack and am now recovering. We hugged each other, I explained I’m ok but that I need a minute to recover. I began feeling better but then it hit me again and now I’m better again. Each wave less intense than the last.

I guess I wanna ask how you get over the shakes after something brings you back to those moments and how you deal with the waves of it coming back again and again?",2.7336898395721936,4.808745898395724,4.033689839572194,85.73524064171123,76.64705882352942,6.966844919786098,24.368983957219246,7.928766900206844,1.3343604278074863,741,25,149,12,17,243,108,187,0.146,0.716,0.138,-0.1602,2,0,1,0,1,0,12.0,2,3,0,2,13,16,1,3,9,4,11,5,3,3,0,37,32,20,0,4,7,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,19,0,1,3,0,1,4,4,8,0,0,13,2,24,8,17,17,4,27,0,3,1,2,17,6,1,4,17,107,34,0,0.0,0.19842516078719444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469686939663697,0.19052187371228813,0.0,0.2575489585650895,0.13983087455411047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962281006841583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426100927300284,0.1755896358805471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726547347368602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467811811927634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499285120035407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394145977595695,0.0,0.1844876395777206,0.0,0.14809361250775088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585612738163301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365108117368039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779946409848241,0.0,0.12417725578291512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649055144918584,0.1859561745132968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892697489045365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295287255198132,0.09765339691942752,0.0,0.0,0.16002524217457126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SwaggerZ_123,2020/04/11,"Do i have ptsd? Lately my dad's been getting really angry with me and SCREAMS at me and start punching holes in the wall and I just feel traumatized and scared whenever he walks past me because i feel like he might punch me, and even when he just talks to me I feel a sense of fear because i feel like its just gonna be another yell fest. Im only 15 and im just wondering is this a sign of ptsd?",2.7145736434108514,3.3297789069767454,4.132558139534884,90.96341085271321,73.88372093023256,8.058914728682172,24.79844961240311,8.344100000000001,1.1901379844961242,310,9,74,5,6,103,57,86,0.177,0.767,0.055999999999999994,-0.893,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,18,14,7,0,0,4,1,4,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,6,11,2,6,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,6,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337410017878567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483405782386964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180367110709307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751695771508144,0.3729809254764018,0.2634907176275634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634867460759668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983974113498856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802696192624084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801906763700872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195634052443273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025511481917682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604397691850868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311400649968549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814029504937786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846305297387188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052913910565495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822494313028833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999890562613305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tasty_adhesive,2020/04/11,"I can't handle quarantine anymore I try to always be out and running around because I don't want to be home with my sister or just in the house. My sister physically abused me and my mom for two years in the house we are living in now and my entire house is a trigger. My sister was going threw some stuff and PTSD of her own, and took it out on us. It's been a few years since it happend but now that I'm in quarantine, I can't handle it. Every single loud noise just sends me into a panic attack. Since she's my sister and still lives with us, I have to see her every day also. I've tried my best to stay in the same room as her but I just can't. When ever she asks why I won't do anything with her I say I'm not comfortable with it. She continues to ask and I finally explain why. She gets really mad and yells she never did that. I really don't know what to do anymore.",1.7052530541012243,2.8090885654450304,3.8943246073298425,89.82166143106458,76.95811518324608,6.768726003490403,20.063176265270506,7.3011,0.3443798254799302,680,14,156,8,15,235,105,191,0.10800000000000001,0.86,0.031,-0.9239,0,2,0,0,1,0,14.0,3,0,0,1,10,5,2,1,6,0,16,0,0,1,2,32,28,14,0,1,7,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,9,17,0,0,2,0,0,5,8,3,0,1,5,4,31,2,23,20,6,28,0,0,1,0,22,11,0,2,11,114,40,0,0.0,0.14672901214965448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903403558623376,0.10304400186032256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456301023739029,0.0,0.0,0.10190897819115996,0.11024300104573123,0.23154557081048105,0.14088478604125376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075491129382114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996143227094298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079865935884131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201950164413954,0.2086794647523817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356596151704036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647007871582798,0.0,0.07038058033225665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242206543883678,0.0,0.0,0.4286808758099958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805869774083373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187042824012157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503878698306338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551230212127307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452984308869993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476121075031906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866892027186213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848177518293083,0.0,0.0,0.09868368142534607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488186729350588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199593938479895,0.09889801735340097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176607262659088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375897301248533,0.1681571583718359,0.0,0.12097274761261816,0.0,0.29792623456282624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730434743804259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349094342940493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949656313966631
ptsd,petri707,2020/04/11,"Is it possible to have school related ptsd I’m graduated from high school now but I barely even made it was always hard for me doing homework and studying, it always took the rest of my day at home so I usually just tried to do it at school, I always needed help the principal thought I was “making excuses” by having adhd besides teachers I liked and friends that I don’t have any more it was kind of a hell hole. When my parents had a graduation party for me I didn’t feel like I deserved it. Yada yada went on to try collage at at first I was excited but after a couple days I was always late (something I had trouble with in highschool) and got behind, started having trouble not thinking about other things in class and had a break down in the bathroom one day and just told my bf at the time to pick me up because I wouldn’t/couldn’t go into class. Not long after that he actually ended up breaking up with me and I ended up in an inpatient place for a few weeks and had to dropout/fail now I’ve just been trying to figure things out which is actually a lot more stress free than collage or school was for me anytime I have to go onto the collage website to make a payment or whatever I just straight up cry, have a bit of a breakdown even sometimes, school always made me feel so helpless and stupid and when I pops back up out of nowhere for a payment I freak out. I know that might be stupid and embarrassing but that’s what happens and I’m scared because what if one day I need school or something with a similar learning environment again? How could I ever finish it ? Is it possible to have ptsd with that sort of thing or am I just being dramatic or a baby thinking that?",5.189658659924149,5.521521088495575,6.056156763590393,80.39513274336285,68.20353982300885,8.463042562157607,32.072060682680146,8.269060116576782,2.352492793931732,1335,54,260,17,21,441,173,339,0.132,0.78,0.08900000000000001,-0.96,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,18,16,3,3,18,0,30,0,0,6,1,56,52,25,0,4,16,1,3,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,21,19,0,0,8,0,1,4,4,10,0,3,19,3,30,7,52,29,6,54,1,1,0,0,7,25,1,9,25,198,51,13,0.0,0.0,0.16625372963654558,0.0,0.10237408314811804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35439772121045104,0.0,0.0,0.05792774056876865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550089810271767,0.0,0.1038542127309448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299838308438887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801213968436068,0.09425398680761776,0.09357013864834443,0.21974539162827053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089469729346425,0.0,0.0,0.11252587346420344,0.07705340514167247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614273289804608,0.060855150918814875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245709099393104,0.0,0.0,0.06581260567212653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682355823498012,0.0,0.06812907306939835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532753909452933,0.0,0.07630773629121587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709674339429719,0.09000110602224222,0.08544605420543158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870556734995436,0.046814655782870515,0.0,0.09609076385831401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323276738852298,0.0,0.0,0.07538476833796465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242001489387241,0.0,0.16120548463097792,0.11372137297031865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036629368570456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263250579311696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154451670569879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458626046269454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889986878062153,0.0,0.0,0.19206332535969906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915004185928584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852836020383218,0.5172618511113356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311569294170842,0.08424871708734331,0.0,0.060293360852319226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757747798503334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697765127093342,0.10916436892341612,0.0,0.06762623002639757,0.049671217749359516,0.0,0.0,0.08139654021462706,0.0946420673457651,0.1735021330391982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381765459190644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832911210547885,0.0,0.0,0.07896601176547302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lillian_42,2020/04/11,Recently diagnosed/going to EMDR Anyone have experience with EMDR to treat their PTSD? I’m about to start. How do I prepare? What’s it like ?,0.8077777777777762,3.1105631111111123,3.5604444444444496,79.15400000000002,103.07407407407408,6.604444444444448,20.214814814814808,7.554174236665415,1.7982503703703705,112,4,19,3,5,39,23,27,0.0,0.785,0.215,0.6946,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175079207209967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44418384392110655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25806788893214616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184378431752766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5308029556055593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44835575297556585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32140484475937664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DingoAteMyBrain,2020/04/11,"I can’t close my eyes at night without having awful flashbacks/thoughts. I’m exhausted. Title pretty much says it all. I’ve been having such a hard time falling asleep, even when I’m very tired. My brain never shuts off. It’s like, as soon as I close my eyes, I start getting flashbacks and bad thoughts. I dread going to sleep. My husband falls asleep before me and I usually toss and turn forever. I see a trauma therapist weekly, even still during lockdown with video calls. 

Does anyone have any advice or tips for quieting your brain while you’re trying to sleep? I’m trying to avoid taking anything like unisom to get myself to fall asleep. Definitely going to address this in therapy this week as well.",3.2501918976545845,5.943776194029852,3.729424307036248,85.37223880597016,78.1044776119403,5.918123667377398,23.004264392324096,7.1686216300943375,1.062507036247335,566,18,99,7,14,177,95,134,0.145,0.745,0.111,-0.5737,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,2,2,1,5,11,9,0,2,12,17,9,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,6,0,1,1,1,0,5,3,5,1,0,2,6,13,3,15,15,2,22,0,0,3,0,4,6,0,1,13,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493988071884444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039679853374742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690171604115377,0.0,0.1258124691071763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765374643772706,0.0,0.0,0.1300950540716835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34134353920419064,0.15611409406881396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379190687755144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196003240492805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975365330995306,0.0,0.17377771313117302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369561721200344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938513144966087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238908521589408,0.0,0.11791540621128843,0.0,0.0,0.14347351667384786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554041844914418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158139074440402,0.0,0.0,0.12183065556225715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059935979097033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821377107914733,0.0,0.12209526553878325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149515355032998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748389068405688,0.17751287813619335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427494261912869,0.08914928129346289,0.1757204104813296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075996410553977,0.16629648579285625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683827548120592,0.12614728020164587,0.0,0.0,0.2452724741463557,0.0,0.1374632221422534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737702056726448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Centredpawn91,2020/04/11,"I don't have a interesting title but here so I've had ptsd for a long time, years and a decade, and a few years ago a few of my friends asked if I wanna smoke (weed) and I never had before but I trust them and they know I struggle with my past everyday, so it was a really nice thing from them, anyway we smoked and I felt so good, like I wasn't worried about really anything, but this first time was a blessing and a curse, because I kept smoking with them to ease my pain and I did it almost always, and then I stepped up and did edibles, then I took tabs of acid two different times, the first was great but the come down was so hard, because people don't recommend you take it if your not in a good mental state, and I wasn't and I'm still not, but I took it anyway, and I went through like this super depression, like I was already going through depression then this made it so much worse, but when I took another one it was like a cure for the previous one, I've been clean since and I'm trying to get my life sorted, but just a story I guess",2.7987162162162167,3.652718905405408,4.066295045045045,90.6221452702703,73.9099099099099,7.531981981981982,23.334459459459467,7.865858978985527,0.8613864864864866,815,21,188,11,16,268,117,222,0.129,0.627,0.244,0.987,1,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,4,3,12,17,0,1,14,0,16,2,0,1,1,38,32,31,0,3,12,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,10,17,0,1,2,0,0,7,7,4,0,5,20,3,28,13,16,12,3,28,1,2,0,0,9,3,0,5,21,131,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109543465695592,0.0,0.12533819880589864,0.0,0.13812658158505633,0.0,0.10415024114970964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125011375587675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030030323193097,0.0,0.11701567583597768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526031440523576,0.0,0.10650919701538243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782160246321253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561493705086904,0.0,0.0,0.13077446950513436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018141455551325,0.0,0.0,0.21293656951995749,0.0,0.0,0.09670489313576026,0.0,0.06539538899357908,0.0,0.07113615816083269,0.20997084301655572,0.0,0.13799874242961488,0.13788724364378882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212641420455352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878934876434004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841023199107803,0.24460407830683084,0.0,0.0,0.1107702071926088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843748629101684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614043483318116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201326910585267,0.0,0.09653768408741203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963486598456198,0.0,0.1331881373101619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948752172720414,0.0867760961379167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631530934917122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037232649095765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354069863642354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995974700737073,0.0,0.0,0.1308533209740852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411115456699433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315640725077579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896032326870565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172005157073996,0.08498121326468155,0.0,0.12227146276282735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603247814227613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711471455898005,0.12755742202350442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120885460236087
ptsd,OnlyLand2,2020/04/11,"Is it possible to have PTSD from pregnancy experience? I am 20 years old and have an 18 month old son. My husband, who is his father, is 34.

I got pregnant at 18 by my now husband. We had only been dating a short time before I got pregnant. I’ll spare all the details but long story short I had to break it off with him because it just seemed like he flat out didn’t care. He made no effort, and just seemed careless. I broke up with him hoping maybe some time would show him that I’m serious about him getting his act together. He assured me he was going to be a great father, wasn’t going to date anyone and just focus on being a dad. Well 2 weeks after that conversation he’s in a relationship with another woman who was 37. Basically from that point on he wasn’t around at all for me, him and his girlfriend of a month put me and my family through a $14,000 custody battle, he sued me to be in the delivery room despite him not being around the entire pregnancy and having a new girlfriend, and I was on the national news. His girlfriend has major issues with religious people and devotes her time to making podcasts about people who believe in God being “shit” and “deserved to die”. She cussed constantly, called her own 6 year old a bastard, spent time in prison, was a former sex worker. She was no woman I wanted around my child. He pushed this woman on me and wanted me to meet her after only being with her a month. After all of that, he dumps her the month our son is born. The judge for our child custody case was the same judge I had when I was raped and had to testify. Going back into his court room brought back memories of being sexually assaulted. 

How we got back together is another story, but here we are, 2 years later, married. I can’t stand watching movies with child birth scenes, or about “happy” pregnancies. I can’t stand talking about my pregnancy because it brings back bad memories, especially talking about it to my husband. For example talking about my sons ultrasound pictures or his movements in my stomach to my husband makes me cry. I feel like he should’ve known those things because he should’ve been there. I have to go back to the same court room and judge again to stop the child support since we are married now and the thought of going back there makes me want to vomit. Everytime I think of the past I shake, have panic attacks and feel extremely angry. Certain songs from back then I can’t listen to. 

Is it possible I have post traumatic stress disorder from something like this? Sometimes I wonder if my trauma isn’t traumatic enough. I know when I was raped I had very similar feelings to this. It’s been 18 months since I had my son.. is it normal to feel this strongly about this still yet?",5.7361540640045305,6.168349598130843,6.127867459643159,80.00436986689323,67.03738317757009,9.02690455961484,30.41772868875673,8.927757054556999,2.3896479750778807,2165,76,412,34,33,698,245,535,0.17600000000000002,0.738,0.085,-0.9961,0,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,6,0,0,3,33,29,8,3,22,0,49,6,2,5,5,70,83,23,1,7,9,11,4,3,3,1,1,2,3,7,22,29,0,1,11,2,1,12,10,16,1,0,27,7,66,13,66,48,9,86,0,1,1,3,68,25,2,8,48,278,88,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034459185505268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053460822199616884,0.0,0.0,0.20419000382782604,0.0,0.08698137970413426,0.0,0.41153738215457897,0.06383877166943791,0.13982324366429827,0.0,0.0650596530377339,0.08614135662744495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807159823939765,0.0,0.07795345924103031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262333438864583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398491148885476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935075525019736,0.0,0.08762685418098527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900097746934208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479005074860895,0.07207727316703627,0.0,0.1546367228339778,0.054621212893201085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039945858549430543,0.0,0.21726263543761068,0.0,0.18345000619444016,0.08429460134618888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139037029615663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593949294914626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798017067171615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04201901139723433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120597345970891,0.0,0.0,0.06766243149714303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723458816766975,0.1531078116576923,0.0,0.07681177854633954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051380096633109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384307534158813,0.0,0.0,0.07491206115006778,0.0,0.0,0.24068767619204146,0.0,0.0,0.11629866212937474,0.0,0.08970633623772742,0.0,0.0,0.07298728113392752,0.1060119288268888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227699731060949,0.17238855914503695,0.07322509605656809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937465990839254,0.0768608483767855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208668088930421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920796999201746,0.0,0.0,0.07848246700085659,0.12649277465865036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886067535734426,0.07561836660541578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061059013120716335,0.06392184628014905,0.0875817431742546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867630007901453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843607907185381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050794928092628686,0.04899084256049675,0.0,0.060698669737328875,0.17833180057160894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308539813551017,0.13528974331123214,0.0,0.06132954931121296,0.0,0.06874442385101054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291483598902914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431317417117395,0.0,0.0,0.14770826052033814
ptsd,throwawayPTSD12,2020/04/11,"Going downhill fast Hi there. Sorry for the throwaway, I’m in a bit of a bind

I’m having a hard time here being in isolation with no access to medical care

To preface, this isn’t a “woe is me” post, but more of an advice sort of post

I’m a vet. I’ve been diagnosed with OSI even tho I don’t believe it. I’m on Welbutrin for severe depression and my anxiety is through the roof

Lately I don’t know what to do. I’ve been lashing out at the smallest of triggers. My biggest piece is someone making me feel stupid. I’ve felt stupid all of my life but as an adult, I hate that feeling more than anything. It brings up bad emotions and I turn into a piece of shit, even tho that is not me (sadly, lately it is)

I need to separate myself from the people in my life (the hardest choice I have ever decided to make) for fear that I’ll continue to punish them when my attitude turns to shit at the drop of a hat. Not fair

I have a home. A wife. Two kids. Two cars

The only option I see is to leave. That’s it. No one deserves to be stuck with this, myself included. But hey, it is what it is, right?

No apologies are left. This is it. For the sake of my family I have to break it off

I’ve been married 8 years and I’m 36

Can anyone relate? Anyone? I know someone may want to say “just apologize and work on it”. Nah, I’ve been doing this for years and years. If I were on the receiving end I’d have left a long time ago

Sorry for the rant. But. Help? I don’t really know what I’m asking for here. Perhaps someone going through the same? This isolation is fucking killing me..

Thanks you. And sorry",-0.5214634475316977,1.6571710801186974,1.9282027245751288,94.88001382519558,91.90801186943621,4.844051793903426,18.638319395737792,6.464625207383525,0.03218753709198774,1222,37,274,15,44,415,170,337,0.243,0.716,0.04,-0.9973,0,2,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,1,1,10,15,8,1,23,0,31,7,2,3,2,37,59,15,1,3,8,1,4,0,0,1,4,1,1,2,21,11,0,0,7,0,0,5,9,13,0,3,7,6,26,2,46,49,7,39,0,3,1,1,13,16,3,4,14,182,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128230315230477,0.0918764982180368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928940068634563,0.0,0.0,0.14494428992227185,0.0,0.0852923585954749,0.0,0.096895622973063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654062029374321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167742774576676,0.0,0.0,0.11315529345675025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567466353666437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927070453845216,0.10519916419691888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658852657176415,0.09180016462122582,0.0,0.0,0.13691526466395615,0.09375432541376548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977088337672869,0.11663129251185934,0.10481371715247724,0.0,0.09951703436267302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581965431643484,0.0,0.0,0.11780955520123512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284703676210784,0.10232960513841316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947216220247385,0.0,0.10396603701769117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466965754515394,0.0,0.17088445855173245,0.0,0.2338358629956875,0.10974683298229942,0.2252247688288119,0.0,0.14641738288084394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172402035969847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836988239982706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441309191460284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685267489097873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023364989390808,0.07882794496833062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185553417851259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19852967305253064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639869561050321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851366958010681,0.0,0.08242397316814729,0.0,0.0,0.08259295788309992,0.0,0.0,0.11709120841527113,0.21278358586241147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634584010594576,0.0,0.0,0.3480718043960515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542390649903383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208743858628744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254755764681603,0.20249542587505487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113347734905551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754559928941162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20023512598472326
ptsd,rnelonhead,2020/04/11,"Can PTSD degenerate? I've heard of PTSD being co morbid with illnesses like Schizophrenia, DID and Psychosis, but I can't find any info on if it can degenerate into a more severe form of dissociation like DID or DDNOS/OSDD.",9.255714285714284,7.989639333333333,10.019047619047623,60.634285714285724,60.42857142857143,12.20952380952381,35.285714285714285,11.20814326018867,3.9962,180,6,30,4,2,62,35,42,0.135,0.7509999999999999,0.114,-0.2357,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,5,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,20,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674698478371835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30475321439899833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32579863905010165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7795344867203446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766862275312448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PumaSportsCanada,2020/04/11,"My gf has PTSD from abusive ex. Currently alternates to being happy with me, and super anxious w/o My gf had an abusive ex boyfriend which still affects her today. She won't tell me details, just bits here and there. but it was 5 years ago. he was not physical, but seems to left considerable emotional abuse to her to the point that she didn't date for a long time until me.

​

Still it seems she isn't over it.  We are a bit long distance (1 hour away). When she's with me, its fun, and she's very happy, and we talk lots about the future together.

Whenever she's with out me, back home. She will start having anxiety attack, and begins over thinking.

Does he really like me? do we really match? should we break up? is my job safe? etc.  

​

it starts manifesting physically too, as she starts to lose the ability to sleep, stomach aches, headaches, etc.

There will be days she refuses to go out of home because she will start hating all men and finding them scary.

​

She did see a therapist or counselor, but doesn't seem all that useful besides telling her the obvious 'your problem is with your past, you need to get over it'.

​

has anyone here felt the same way or had some one in their life that behaved similarly?

​

what should I do to support?  I do my best to listen and not make any judgement.  but with out being physically next to her.. she shuts off sometimes",4.101443055086179,6.020142464684013,4.400197701926327,85.29346316323085,72.3085501858736,7.567489016559647,27.468908415005068,8.296473431620573,1.8396230483271367,1109,41,214,18,22,347,162,269,0.11900000000000001,0.75,0.131,0.7003,2,0,0,0,1,0,60.0,4,3,2,3,11,12,2,0,9,0,26,3,2,3,3,50,45,16,0,4,9,2,1,1,2,6,1,1,2,1,11,19,0,2,7,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,7,3,37,8,32,29,10,39,0,1,1,0,37,13,0,7,24,149,48,1,0.0,0.25381849864712697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329840686781242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38684977795528097,0.4338394132811269,0.04855952304448518,0.0,0.054626513224728265,0.08067010709664403,0.0,0.04992975796102436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123629710607974,0.06708966144047743,0.05490793080523225,0.0,0.04352932625076473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493772621553701,0.0,0.155916908967825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046051905805063784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248915148348407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032378392943043,0.0,0.0,0.1592763923961817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856236201359599,0.0,0.06526512690611846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037307451828391,0.0,0.04058250642262631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202914291409342,0.0,0.07050008550937861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325501383307904,0.0,0.07032196644824522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708608880013795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758441674715669,0.0,0.050437202406852726,0.03488607915978631,0.0,0.0,0.12638671418453992,0.0,0.0798866850156999,0.0,0.060708070910277336,0.0,0.0,0.047665035587284486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294772851033493,0.0,0.0,0.07594264627835691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048387544508344434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816650270815246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750313282488578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832729765274027,0.08347150218551795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149089771078284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569025023145061,0.1950200154608766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145903193627351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062380611953017,0.0,0.20217027745191693,0.0,0.11405218330062368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103234202513193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573946133470031,0.12482653895967945,0.0,0.0,0.08290956748433212,0.0,0.04575501854832648,0.0,0.0,0.04163826552296231,0.0,0.0676859248248722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167312043861445,0.0,0.05891863480923894,0.0,0.05667991984660934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338394132811269,0.04598406454909372
ptsd,MsTigress115,2020/04/11,"Could use some guidance Hello! I have not been diagnosed with PTSD by a medical professional (I'm getting there, once this covid thing is over) but there's been some things... I never really thought for the longest time that I may have had it so this idea has only come into my head recently. My problem is, that even if I do have it, it's likely only a minor case which is what has made me have so many doubts about it and it's just been really confusing to figure out.

I won't get into to much detail but I've gone through a lot in my past. That being said I think there's only one period of time in my life where I may have experienced enough trauma to cause PTSD and it actually makes sense given my ""symptoms"". I believe my symptoms would fall under the ""avoidance"" catagory and maybe a bit of the flashbacks? So about the avoidance; even the slightest mention of it gives me stress and anxiety, I avoid contact with the subject at any cost, I avoid the people who were involved in what happened at all costs and if I'm exposed to the subject of what happened it may effect me for days potentially, given how exposed I was to it. Now the flashbacks parts; I don't even know if you'd call theme flashbacks per say because I don't know the difference but I can say that I can often relive it all in my head and it basically puts me into the trance/autopilot mode where I can could be stuck for upwards of 20 minutes and don't even realize how much time has passed. But this may just be me THINKING about what happened and may not be actual flashbacks, I honestly just don't know... I'm very doubtful I have it but any feedback from some people who have gone through this shit would be appreciated greatly. Thank you in advance! Oh and if you wanna know more just ask!",5.697287608225111,5.836520917613638,6.132938311688314,80.94723484848488,67.0965909090909,8.863852813852814,31.25054112554113,8.563005593585519,2.2779597943722942,1401,51,277,19,21,453,171,352,0.125,0.841,0.034,-0.9836,0,4,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,0,2,23,15,1,8,15,0,43,8,3,7,3,74,71,23,0,10,15,0,0,1,0,8,5,3,0,0,29,16,0,4,11,0,2,7,8,11,0,1,14,4,33,4,36,41,12,31,0,0,0,0,15,15,1,17,10,208,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.1977102708719376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777626888597658,0.0,0.07749496599728506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470273381542127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061752132042737023,0.0,0.0,0.11413150537910265,0.0,0.0,0.11059442426021224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034396181261912,0.0,0.0,0.1040640024650326,0.0,0.08726181722813504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161761165767185,0.0,0.0,0.06533074625854163,0.0,0.0,0.1028183538003076,0.0,0.10583795450412516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467098311432783,0.0,0.2676333453853372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585115323003087,0.09717712259855088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168467880742304,0.0,0.0,0.2687403438898029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079280443751328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435646653420573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268945895751546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155187206325081,0.04949053781163575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612246349311295,0.0,0.09585342867828986,0.06761918515465286,0.10270328538121112,0.1017704417432742,0.0,0.0,0.10205007147931408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893573992313106,0.0,0.07812955430093316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788222864270204,0.06864416004257833,0.23113186108399836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969908052985594,0.09670323983136472,0.14045867744437435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693134882144623,0.2368308296375325,0.10183545596915546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979199272687,0.0,0.10002248840987024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636042167600044,0.16111719707137825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398399160827328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160399207019096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105809938731195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326432442998904,0.0,0.0,0.13459972853475916,0.12981914448834364,0.0,0.08042165601816349,0.1772082335337782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749151445334019,0.0,0.08358391066193002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392260750856353,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Hallowedsoul88,2020/04/11,"“Everyone is out there to get me” thinking I have a crush on this guy & he was telling me about his friend’s issue & how he can help him best (he sought my advice because I happened to be a psychologist) so he was showing me screenshots of the conversation.
I got sooooooooooooooo triggered. I really felt unsafe & I just started thinking that he will hurt me & he will use our conversation against me. I felt like he is already showing all his friends & making fun of me.
Every time any guy tries to get close to me I really start looking for minor shit to push them away. 
I’m tired of being single. I like this guy. He is an intellectual, kind, caring & VERY respectful yet here I am 😔😔😔😔
I’m just here venting. I really want to cry. No matte how much I explain this to my friends, they really dont get it.",2.2997804391217542,4.2160513532934125,3.9436167664670654,86.61849900199604,77.38323353293413,6.848542914171658,25.50459081836328,7.793537801064563,1.3852957285429142,644,24,134,10,15,215,100,167,0.09300000000000001,0.705,0.20199999999999999,0.9631,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,2,1,11,12,1,0,4,0,13,2,1,5,1,16,32,3,0,1,2,0,2,2,3,2,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,3,26,10,16,23,4,9,0,1,1,0,25,4,1,0,6,78,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942367422822668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227772850053476,0.0,0.0,0.6614415801905824,0.0,0.06918983691295237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559242847915488,0.0,0.0,0.062022581676966275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677471133171118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373543052084214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176169775369699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924394781435076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572423841612793,0.0972213534902649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538159968094065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23582294468391024,0.0,0.15947210840268047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137447461991504,0.0,0.0,0.3022295378985277,0.08997243969523107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819728035175614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891973002480627,0.0,0.0,0.1061949589306425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595137455651532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994145731368376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543986359324228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791533013438085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479400944091175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607208594627079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443939989242278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403074462582754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892929060605112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038770040668068,0.0,0.0,0.05932811156799765,0.11694048416938972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907792461874866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787469228541399,0.0,0.08394997475264558,0.060011618488287274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Present-Sign,2020/04/11,"I caused my PTSD. I gave away my virginity because my ex asked me to. Please be gentle. I can't forgive myself. I was 15 years old and involved with an abusive person who destroyed my life in many other ways.

Yes. That's the title. He was disgusted in taking my virginity and so he wanted a stranger to do that. I was afraid he would leave me so I did. I wrote a random Facebook friend I never met and asked him if he was interested, and we set up. But I was dumb as fuck and believed him when he told me he needed to do that without condom because it was too hard to do. He didn't cum, but as I got home and checked if it was dangerous, and discovered pre-cum, I lost my mind and for nine months straight I was terrified to have a baby even if two test told me not and even if my period was regular. I also developed vaginismus, a condition that makes sex almost impossible, and I haven't been able to have sex since (I'm 23 now) because my ex didn't support one bit and cheated on me instead. Also I'm scared to tell other guys because I fear their rejection, after knowing that sex with me would be not the sex they're used to.

Please I know I've been dumb and pathetic, it was like if I developed some mental illness that kept me with him for a long time. I wasn't even able to tell all this to a specialist because I'm too ashamed, I only looked for advice about vaginismus.",3.473076923076924,4.292670748251748,4.963923076923077,84.94357692307693,72.28671328671328,8.237482517482517,27.58671328671329,8.548686976883017,1.8159250349650349,1078,38,231,18,20,363,149,286,0.214,0.727,0.059000000000000004,-0.9940000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,1,1,13,18,7,4,9,1,27,10,0,3,2,44,50,26,0,9,10,2,1,1,1,2,2,0,1,2,13,16,0,1,3,0,1,0,9,13,0,3,24,2,40,5,26,22,3,18,0,2,1,8,29,6,3,8,11,154,53,1,0.2326048412449584,0.1377993505250799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364937939865362,0.0,0.0,0.11646007440356085,0.0,0.0,0.1860140075057788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174541272185504,0.0,0.10926995261639408,0.0,0.0,0.3544843806571141,0.0,0.0,0.13103300132139725,0.0,0.0,0.12697212125689653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947462295548768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304499558406853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087255719790591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985496167229921,0.10751971379324356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930176702001147,0.0,0.0,0.11515768145677716,0.0,0.0,0.10418412475425044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166608106040998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783353760610314,0.0,0.0,0.1231474706953501,0.0,0.0,0.08214783915685618,0.05681948805396291,0.0,0.0,0.10292398242715103,0.09766474180976156,0.0,0.1269578307397702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763276886860157,0.1179124001244632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720548536619345,0.0,0.11743229073541073,0.0,0.09283148255104767,0.0,0.0,0.08623677122894757,0.08969959660085966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203982627034562,0.0,0.07880953014409534,0.0884532316711849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155078769406192,0.0,0.2553302657640929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595130595081262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643901216442168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620656417496777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197860867635042,0.0,0.0,0.08744494629327135,0.0,0.2033068837214806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781687674425907,0.0,0.0,0.2222638938710403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361056554548915,0.0,0.0,0.1004479498530707,0.0,0.0,0.0685981809749525,0.092315448058042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211138321851163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523580546149122,0.0,0.0,0.07489494575623426
ptsd,Boobachoob,2020/04/12,"Does anyone else press their head against the wall when anxious or stressed? So I was scrolling down my feed and came across [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/g02a50/ysk_if_your_pet_sits_with_its_head_against_the/fn806nt/?context=8&depth=9) post about how if your pet presses their head against the wall it can be an indicator of a health issue and it made me a little concerned. I realise cats and dogs aren't physiologically anything like people, but I press my head firmly into the wall when I get anxious or stressed, or sometimes when I have a headache or I'm just bored. With lockdown in effect I've been doing it super regularly now to combat my trigger of feeling trapped. It sounds so silly, but the pressure helps me and it's like it's instant relief of whatever negative thing I'm feeling. Sometimes if I stop doing it too soon, I feel worse, but if I keep doing it until I feel okay, it's like I feel almost euphoric afterwards. I think it releases endorphins.

Obviously I'm concerned that this might be a sign of brain trauma because the cause of my PTSD is from a physically traumatic event. I actually found out in February through my orthodontist (so through x-rays) that what happened to me fractured my jaw and I was walking around for years without knowing and it simply healed on its own. So, certainly substantial impact.

edit: whoops sorry, didn't want to solicit medical advice. I'll rephrase.

I plan to call a doctor in the morning just to be safe.

Does anyone else do this, out of curiosity?",6.357732267732267,8.758805673992676,6.0202414252414265,74.0024100899101,67.35164835164835,8.187079587079586,33.28821178821179,8.841846274778883,3.05958021978022,1251,57,201,22,22,388,166,273,0.179,0.7,0.121,-0.9332,0,2,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,2,3,15,14,0,3,13,1,16,10,5,5,2,47,33,25,0,4,13,0,8,3,0,1,4,1,1,0,18,12,1,3,9,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,7,9,26,9,31,22,1,27,0,0,0,0,5,14,0,9,13,135,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.11322944365789996,0.0,0.0,0.11338407553657248,0.0,0.0,0.1161882092364917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571945711709742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26216383329398124,0.0,0.16226303910593634,0.23777478601787885,0.09548356355146416,0.10329212188457912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073137399540871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129528884337848,0.11848054591155464,0.1327084654743386,0.0,0.11919572060636363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876256683650628,0.2030788861179036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385789561501288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29334360626195394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272219186294491,0.0,0.0,0.0606213685203377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260576243839488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572436072487287,0.1233354458123,0.0,0.0,0.07777308218405242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110613833638385,0.0,0.10313361609097713,0.0,0.0,0.06376756107569817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006054479703295,0.11629346774773387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979126531038967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688894833729906,0.0,0.123090473601135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044123268766562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112555078743257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563394032405274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295151004563029,0.1298871192480872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970070475529818,0.2658260616454192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708578978361187,0.07434793064484169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843804492809777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184966966487404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182454238287404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472011050007517
ptsd,thirdimpactta,2020/04/12,"Worried i am so sensitive now towards sexual abuse i am seeing abuse in relationships that weren't abusive? (TW: sexual abuse) I had a couple of inappropriate encounters in my youth, some of which involved family members.

my father was never one of these people but suffers heavily from mental illness and didn't know how to handle it so was quite explosive and violent, over the top punishments/fighting etc. we had a pretty rough relationship and i was generally uncomfortable being in his presence.

There were many times that my dad would act slightly inappropriate towards us, grabbing us or smacking our asses, coming into our rooms when he thought we were asleep, and commenting on ourselves and friends but was never actually violent or explicit.

over the last few years my relationship with my dad has gotten a lot better but i still have an awful lot of trouble trying to put boundaries in place, he mostly gets offended and then pretends like i had not said anything.

I have a memory of being a child in my dads shower and he was outside the shower, i don't remember what happened before or after but i remember him being really mad and telling me i had not cleaned myself properly, to which he then quite aggressively clean my vagina.

i have recently started therapy for the other abusive situation which has definitely brought up a lot of feelings and overwhelming emotions but i don't know why this memory has joined with my memories of csa, 

I think not knowing what the intentions of my dad were in that exact moment i could rationalise it and put it away but i cant stop thinking about it and i'm worried its going to very negatively affect our relationship if no bad intentions were there,

i feel like my brain doesn't know who to trust and how to differentiating threatening to not threatening situations and i'm not sure what to do

i just want this to stop running through my head its turning my mental image of my father into that of a bad person  thankyou for any advice",8.946169111302847,8.560292972677598,9.2679867702042,62.9255176876618,60.53005464480874,12.404716709807309,39.20851308599367,11.723238792162213,4.918860109289618,1612,73,256,43,19,538,200,366,0.18100000000000002,0.71,0.109,-0.9862,3,0,0,0,5,0,21.0,7,0,0,4,11,16,5,1,13,1,33,6,5,5,5,68,55,30,0,4,16,6,4,2,1,1,1,1,5,2,21,20,0,2,11,1,0,7,15,10,0,1,19,6,41,6,42,31,7,42,0,2,1,2,31,18,1,9,19,202,62,0,0.0,0.4948287194383341,0.08151022675535301,0.0,0.0,0.0816215412605473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056801171071565286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873553967114274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784762925517807,0.0,0.13948298153127808,0.0,0.0,0.07107525838751386,0.0,0.0,0.07387277457237255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324366871963577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195104713559945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668945039498686,0.09242095024370732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395654458779076,0.0,0.0,0.0931545971309199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787417481498601,0.0,0.08446744271175842,0.059671649610120524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453269257084349,0.0,0.04363936918423423,0.0,0.04747027452705354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386258107942173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572271926526281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361684717341945,0.06808558944160831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161406974923878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130348058427437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468318861759708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835098282802527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884222269845938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056600003892822215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790705054298195,0.07293248631598025,0.08726785546252012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497690792213751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793525336186862,0.0,0.17768232569315398,0.0,0.0,0.053509484922252,0.0,0.08247275849623432,0.3587066196616107,0.18923943955614855,0.0,0.07945323008676385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665601423927797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777551944632007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912078514760202,0.0,0.06670470763077209,0.13966449339450032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787231352784806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300621123507303,0.0,0.09552031450047793,0.0,0.0,0.10704135761651767,0.0,0.06631104584675303,0.04870521979646258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670929703844574,0.0908533055388109,0.0,0.0,0.2009452050088721,0.0,0.0,0.06891845811658431,0.04926634257460722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537005512614163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169651287124618,0.0,0.0593351287290648,0.0,0.0,0.05378859908953755
ptsd,emmyp08,2020/04/12,"But my trauma was the flu... So since about December, I've been out of work on disability trying to find a new pill combination for my narcolepsy. My narcolepsy was caused by the swine flu in 2009. I was one of the bad cases (and probably should have been hospitalized) but was in college and ignored it. 

Reaaaally long story short I have PTSD from the swine flu. I worked through it for years and finally thought I was over the trauma of it and moved on from my experience. I thought I had moved on to dealing with my narcolepsy and future with a chronic illness. After being diagnosed, I started seeing psychologists to help with the mental illnesses that can (and often happen) from sleep deprivation. After 10 years of getting the run around from psychologists for the mental illnesses that often comes with, I finally found one willing to work with me one on one and completely took me off of my ssri and other medications to find ones that give me better quality of life. I'm fine with this process and am excited to find the right pills for me. 

Then the world heard about carona virus. Then the world can't stop talking about carona virus. Now I'm literally trapped in my house because of carona virus. It's my literal worst nightmare and I'm not even on a stable antianxiety drug because this all went down mid pill switch. So... I guess my question is what can I do? I've been literally going dark from all media because I break down and freak out if anyone talks about it. I play video games all day and don't allow myself to think. But does anyone have any tips for what to do when in a panic or flashback or something like that? For like 2 -3 months now my brain has been like numb. Thanks for any advice or ideas",5.615748420763527,6.604741051359523,5.820929689645702,80.12700563032134,67.48942598187311,9.039329854435595,29.244850315847287,9.218907990703514,2.355403625377644,1372,47,262,25,22,436,171,331,0.158,0.7559999999999999,0.086,-0.9808,0,1,4,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,4,13,17,0,1,15,0,25,17,2,2,3,50,44,24,0,2,8,0,0,3,0,2,15,1,0,0,14,22,0,2,9,3,0,7,3,9,0,5,16,2,27,8,57,25,4,47,0,1,1,0,8,21,0,8,21,177,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185425331838414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417625979062599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576280320754573,0.0,0.0,0.09278853223821386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702932286674044,0.19061648429179867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218468774815032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163573256205575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707492267899564,0.0,0.08978659393454344,0.10928521445518136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672209836109751,0.1074585616502813,0.0,0.10579323322537844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121408016241392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087596830735353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884421866505934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195884575480743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283620085857612,0.2857983366439958,0.0,0.0,0.11428495109575665,0.0,0.0,0.05445689085136097,0.09998878230638364,0.0592374181141422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482324201240082,0.0,0.09217196744665666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986447767588726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202696736230941,0.0,0.11766518221425967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362210742647865,0.15276739460324235,0.0,0.0,0.092241994053477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500272192303198,0.2100825760766778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319694651836862,0.22156413064302674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066786495600342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531513277799128,0.0,0.0,0.12229373303188272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237966922456584,0.0,0.12184156947049075,0.0,0.11676363643989734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901351413775384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830593676556659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862217445464083,0.0,0.10430722313594673,0.0,0.0,0.08024284593622742,0.0,0.0,0.07377590932255869,0.0,0.0,0.0871425757838712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755538324465682,0.0,0.09596277377862156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678762362140328,0.0,0.1654970478913713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580552949607352,0.07076665077449694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966240601157258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276462987735468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424391435634178
ptsd,dancinglion123,2020/04/12,"I want to be a psychologist, but I'm sick of what people say behind closed doors. Hi Sorry for the long post, ive not really made a post before and my thoughts are all over the place at the moment.

Not many people I know professionally know that I have PTSD. It's something I've been made to be ashamed about after working on a psychiatric ward and now while I study my Msc.

I was on a 1:1 with a patient who was in the midst of a breakdown and was performing similar (and very distressing) behaviours as my abuser. When I asked my co-workers for help they told me they would come and assist. I was left waiting for 4 hours, (even though I was only supposed to be on 1:1 for an hour, as trust policy dictates). I told them that was not ok and to not do that again. They did it again the next shift I was with them.

At the next staff meeting I told the team about this incidence and how it should not be happening, if a staff member needs to tap out, they should be able to tap out. The manager said I was right to tell everyone and she would have words with the staff on shift that day. I was really happy to have had that conversation and to have it out in the air.

Fast forward to handover straight after the meeting, where there were 10 nurses in the nurses office, I was sitting down while everyone was standing around me. The manager walks in and says are we looking after \*my name\* or are we looking after the patients? Everyone, apart form one nurse who saw me burst out laughing. Another nurse said I shouldn't be in the job. I coughed loudly and everyone went quiet. I walked out and kept myself busy looking after my patients.

Another time my colleagues said they could never be friends with/date someone who has mental health issues.

Whilst studying my masters a student in my cohort noted how PTSD is a disease and that those with PTSD have deformed brains. Well yeah I have a deformed brain but its not my fault, I went through shit, and that effected my neurology as it would anyone.

​

* Am I just being really sensitive?
* Is there anyone else out there who works in mental health that has experienced the same?
* Those who look after others are humans themselves, surely we're allowed to have mental health issues aswell?

​

I think going through my own mental health issues actually made me a better nurse because I know the *depths* patients are talking about.

I'm just frustrated, I'm largely ok now, I have the occasional wobble here and there but I pick myself up and carry on fighting. I don't even know if I should carry on trying to be a psychologist. But I don't want the career I've always wanted to be another thing he has robbed from me

​

p.s. **Please please please** reach out for help if you need it, don't be put off by a few vile creatures I've worked with. Not all mental healthcare professionals are like this, I have had the pleasure of meeting some individuals in the industry who have restored my faith in humanity (which is no small task).",4.538221994643138,6.175704419410746,4.9236249409169695,83.11945978415002,70.66377816291161,7.6717976997006465,27.151764613203092,8.224198915089428,1.767496013864818,2378,81,449,35,44,753,270,577,0.07400000000000001,0.821,0.105,0.9463,2,0,1,0,3,0,82.0,2,1,7,8,23,19,4,2,35,3,63,10,3,8,4,87,99,33,0,16,17,0,0,1,1,7,7,7,1,2,29,33,0,2,7,1,0,8,13,7,1,1,30,13,60,12,72,50,7,75,1,0,5,0,42,40,1,5,26,320,89,14,0.06150036475806017,0.07286787562423437,0.0600154844695952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117323017020694,0.1999068585623316,0.22418902419424594,0.0,0.1934654842932368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860049699870817,0.0630143914714965,0.0,0.05474836346917777,0.05749453910979738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03749005153076553,0.0,0.052332280693209686,0.0,0.0,0.05439207485437368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730949292357034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052977118624615946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049103036929084784,0.0,0.0,0.03966264747071453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137566320091816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124082179788934,0.0,0.0,0.23506493626623134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04751502925382637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03495207456846761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054384569447478937,0.06546828187959088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26148804740443515,0.0,0.0,0.08244479625055358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113094196320864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257120753307147,0.0610296223604162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519596839017115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682032625727105,0.0,0.0,0.030045971717372427,0.0,0.0,0.054425887507267526,0.2065792685364339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745793964520599,0.0,0.06235171700073119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098895131797957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120348239961867,0.04743287267864029,0.0,0.1308126712532465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04167423880201164,0.04677379871107889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527321861030558,0.0,0.0642547914867848,0.20252679687428274,0.0,0.0,0.11780069833440468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567190589566032,0.06182485309657701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819612541256555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252097547109935,0.17550279098020766,0.09781511699900737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631292406401596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210905948327735,0.04734598542672648,0.0,0.06884462323762522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057963365957551034,0.0,0.0,0.0494316636001162,0.05375402953684907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040858109605858346,0.039406950461075806,0.0604237961203869,0.048824419960493665,0.03586135726325721,0.0,0.0,0.17629870219967353,0.0,0.041754710680755015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074424176464064,0.10882352566143187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529621381438233,0.11402290855302075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790919920387077,0.0,0.0,0.13106428377737608,0.0,0.22418902419424594,0.0
ptsd,opheliainthedeep,2020/04/12,"NSFW ~ PTSD from Past Relationships Sorry for the formatting; I'm on mobile.

My first boyfriend moved away last year, and I went through this awful depression once he left. He was all I felt I had at the tine. When he came back to visit over the summer, he raped me. 

We've since broke up, and my memories of him are blocked and I can't hardly remember what happened. 

A couple of months after he and I broke up, I got a new boyfriend who I thought was so much better. He lied to me all the time, made up excuses not to see me, ignored me at school, hung up on me for no reason when we talked on the phone, rolled his eyes and shook me when I cried, mentioned his past girlfriends when we would have sex, said he thinks he's going to be a pedophile, chose drugs over me, slapped my ass so hard he left welts and bruises, got mad at me if I showed affection towards him in public, threw me, kicked me...it goes on. 

He broke up with me two months after we got together, and told me he never wanted me in the first place...he said that's why he forced me to ask him out rather than it be the other way around. 

I didn't break up with him because I ignored his behavior. I don't know why.

For some reason, I can't get him out of my head. I have nightmares about him and I had a panic attack when he liked something I'd posted on social media yesterday (the only form he wasn't blocked on, but is now). 

I've told my friends, family, and my therapist about what all has happened and nothing has really been done. 

A guy I'm talking to - who is the absolute sweetest - knows about what's happened to me in the past, and he tries to help me, but I feel like I'm going to end up being a burden. I don't even know how to cope with something like this.

I'm afraid he's going to be like my exes even though I know he won't be. I'm afraid to have sex because of how it's been for me. He respects this, and says he'll wait as long as he has to because he loves me for me and not my body. I'm thankful for that, but I'm still scared.


Edit: added details",4.307829099307161,3.8104756073902974,5.172190300230948,88.8293339491917,70.06235565819861,8.221302540415705,27.019769053117784,7.404127859558343,1.1330287113163968,1570,42,367,14,25,514,202,433,0.10800000000000001,0.807,0.085,0.4508,1,0,3,0,0,0,56.0,3,0,0,3,20,24,3,5,16,1,29,9,4,6,4,57,69,29,0,4,7,0,4,4,2,3,1,3,0,1,13,23,0,5,11,1,0,9,11,15,0,3,22,9,56,9,62,39,6,66,0,4,2,5,55,28,1,2,30,222,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027541911409802,0.08430203080698953,0.10258778461201548,0.08472296230540084,0.0693394846835904,0.0,0.16491066080554026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975300682509724,0.0,0.10016478389950344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313688490052987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977760708510013,0.09905368298116683,0.0,0.0,0.07766812837618474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228096638531008,0.0,0.0,0.10457508899681696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986883275560047,0.0,0.0,0.11912029156215548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500954802318304,0.0,0.04559550236257645,0.06442148012131865,0.08658273551731614,0.0,0.0,0.1534066706478561,0.0,0.0,0.06966945942990439,0.0,0.04711303898547197,0.0,0.1537466468639131,0.0,0.21636504027141368,0.0,0.0,0.08928804004785566,0.2392260058071308,0.0,0.1615592843782606,0.0,0.09254620060236934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060442816491816875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823264728574605,0.07350516493877726,0.0,0.0,0.195952147452336,0.0,0.0,0.17622100968627408,0.0,0.0,0.07980258501721876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138701669947628,0.08532635090706246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395463727412444,0.09584241187455017,0.0662894555912864,0.0,0.06954899640437935,0.08709217460103834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865259383323519,0.0,0.0,0.09603409105686016,0.0,0.06858262160117691,0.0,0.10580165929296713,0.0,0.0,0.25824849531657024,0.0,0.0,0.09421432879166378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863633160108209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541047281201626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776881051125168,0.1854311098030088,0.0,0.0968148673570296,0.1021513974658768,0.0,0.17155532706241455,0.07171127149042962,0.09028152572845834,0.09126254051838703,0.07185829314330458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459420375830765,0.0,0.0,0.09192268732974772,0.0,0.13884319393912747,0.0,0.10094422251112337,0.0,0.0,0.0720143656947827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495949327290558,0.0,0.08302159435665313,0.0,0.10470084376508924,0.0,0.057780895424432085,0.08859708766928949,0.07158936864912695,0.05258212852205299,0.0,0.0,0.17233333639665652,0.0,0.061223325913158176,0.0,0.08808847658236851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531879163649239,0.07157720891016693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359370210084273,0.16273894017597001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405817236309534,0.0,0.0,0.05807014201284159
ptsd,Queen-of-meme,2020/04/12,"Ptsd meme 1 (Warning, I make memes about my ptsd to cope)

Me:  * *Having a calm nice day* *

Ptsd: This is wrong! What are you doing!? 👀 *Calm?* What is that?! 😐 Don't worry my friend, I'll save you from the calming disaster! 🦸🏻‍♀️

  *Starts random triggers*",-3.3048481781376498,-5.69284025,-0.680323886639675,104.81479757085022,163.03846153846158,1.8639676113360324,10.429149797570853,4.4396938790447145,-1.8145153846153843,185,4,44,1,19,61,44,52,0.16699999999999998,0.5770000000000001,0.256,0.647,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588444951314558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902924114824459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644085815977794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8637420139775112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743339124138101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501317646292534,0.0,0.0,0.2692927095033529,0.0,0.0
ptsd,atlantis792,2020/04/12,"Is this justified? I was looking at r/PublicFreakout and saw this post of a woman having a breakdown from PTSD on a plane, where she threatens and curses at the flight attendants whilst crying: 

[https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/fzknie/plane\_has\_to\_make\_an\_emergency\_landing\_karen/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/fzknie/plane_has_to_make_an_emergency_landing_karen/)

Do you think this is justified, given how she acted? Even in acknowledging that she had PTSD, she was still called a 'Karen' and that it was 'self inflicted' PTSD",24.75227272727273,26.77502483333333,14.623333333333335,29.405000000000033,27.93939393939393,13.042424242424245,37.151515151515156,11.855464076750405,4.343551515151516,493,10,50,7,3,121,48,66,0.09,0.83,0.08,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,6,12,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,6,0,6,6,0,10,0,0,2,0,8,5,0,0,2,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358629014315221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537276723795131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256431362063133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397036868312387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122108427374892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8100320888452573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409691518258436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844660070751569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480067339528672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,unlucky1108,2020/04/12,"Do you think I have PTSD? Sorry if there are any mistakes in my writing, English is not my first language.I don't really know much about mental health, so if I'm wrong about something please let me know. I'll try to cut the story short:

I'm 17 and I was pregnant when I was 16, this happened 11 months ago. I had an abortion.I didn't really want to, but I had no other choice. My dad didn't talk to me for two months, and my mom kept telling me things that were just horrible to hear, over and over and over again. She mentions it a lot still, but it has gotten better. My dad and I are now closer then ever. Also, I knew I was pregnant for a week before the abortion, and in that week, I grew to love the person growing inside of me more then I have ever loved anything in my life, and to just have it gone, and gone because of me, was a horrible thing to go trough at 16 years old. I cried and cried and cried for two weeks, but then I went stone cold, and I still am. Every time I feel a positive emotion, it's gone after a short while.

So, why I'm asking if it's possible to have PTSD from this is because I researched a bit about it and found out that I have some of the symptoms, like: not thinking about it, but having flashbacks, not being able to feel anything romantic, I only feel love towards my family and close friends, but I also find myself running away from emotions, anytime someone mentions it I feel like I want to throw up, I also had some problems with my heart, it was beating way to fast and hard for a few months, and I have very painful headaches, and stomach problems, but the doctor said it was all because of my mental state. I feel like I'm running away from myself, all the dreams I had and all the things I loved to do just don't matter anymore, I don't feel like I will ever get over this and the regret I feel. Also I am exausted from life, I just feel too tired, and like I can't deal with this anymore. And I lost most of my friends, I just drifted from them",5.536637458926613,4.520761385542173,5.9268181818181835,86.1684090909091,67.67469879518072,8.412924424972617,30.188937568455643,6.782984794422108,1.480614457831325,1545,47,341,9,22,498,187,415,0.135,0.7170000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.9299,0,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,1,1,4,25,20,1,0,16,0,36,13,2,0,6,75,73,40,0,9,17,3,9,5,2,1,7,2,0,1,21,24,0,1,15,1,0,11,10,8,0,3,23,12,53,12,46,47,11,55,0,2,0,4,22,17,0,7,30,243,74,2,0.07576923636584969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716485638420551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423705237883955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515256789666037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028544534752736,0.0,0.0,0.12470325114351395,0.0,0.07083400790700012,0.0,0.14237538347291315,0.0,0.0,0.1385646696719879,0.0,0.06447403947938578,0.0,0.0,0.06701173224391165,0.08272038205133997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24968684489592605,0.0,0.07811475567718684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755302403789527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704603853023512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056128364906738,0.06383884953859657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142849275637382,0.0,0.30648962013917275,0.1623886727975169,0.0,0.0,0.06925170936293247,0.06444927374605941,0.0,0.08307705682380039,0.11707824812507628,0.0,0.039586298741252114,0.0,0.04306140312944964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700248548657506,0.0,0.06787435318907035,0.0,0.0,0.08053915512767149,0.08539743612467789,0.0897869099081813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328158153990703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747917770690471,0.10703610481545894,0.18508510818196916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271107199945853,0.06441629522471201,0.27353877619469524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271513828438393,0.0,0.0,0.08874001388166458,0.1814348447596218,0.0,0.0556991068489729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795070678085078,0.0,0.0,0.05762591854878288,0.08062380962163335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615877463897256,0.0,0.0831718684550556,0.0,0.08541842946553374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500185268646287,0.17714036525981094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707942599628867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207389476446363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419902809231888,0.05833085990439685,0.0,0.08481745679282092,0.0,0.0,0.1210188200737604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875324810656913,0.0,0.060900442103207275,0.06622565224803148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101314161469315,0.09709973447112803,0.0,0.0,0.044181651044985136,0.08708559109760251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144233786911258,0.0,0.1480310684575763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251755519819052,0.08938131744360099,0.060142093059558886,0.182332533248404,0.0,0.0,0.07023884121063867,0.06836995066935997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284176551206318,0.0,0.048792904027612126
ptsd,evie_quoi,2020/04/12,"My friend experiences perpetual sadness. I just want to help My friend experienced violent sexual abuse as a child and has been telling me that he has felt numb, emotionally disengaged, and a constant sadness for years. It’s been difficult for him to find a therapist he feels comfortable with (not a lot of therapists come from the same socioeconomic class), but he has had therapy.

I’m not trying to be his therapist, but I’d like to be able to say and do the right things when he and I talk about this stuff. He told me that, although he wants kids, he doesn’t think he should have them because he thinks he’ll pass on this endless sadness. I’ve been there and it’s an extremely painful place to be in, feeling like you have to remove yourself to protect others. I would love to do anything to alleviate that pain for him. 

Advice on talking points, wording, when to listen and when to talk, anything I wouldn’t know but people in this community take as obvious, anything, is greatly appreciated",6.370726950354609,7.237461356382981,6.7136170212765975,74.83333333333334,65.75531914893618,10.309219858156029,34.815602836879435,10.317481424215053,3.6268070921985816,797,36,147,19,12,258,116,188,0.12,0.728,0.152,0.7717,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,1,1,0,6,15,1,0,7,0,19,4,0,0,1,30,34,15,0,5,6,0,3,2,2,4,3,2,0,2,11,8,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,8,0,0,6,6,13,7,25,21,2,15,0,3,0,1,28,7,0,1,7,94,24,1,0.1289772974330799,0.15281700693444775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603512232446107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184119786284062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862336339121176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110252130820317,0.0,0.13937863850080576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508209974258066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616454569255173,0.0,0.0,0.13042959383268446,0.09214140705707484,0.12383843187694794,0.0,0.1178829132330794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992950801095559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421979257498295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645076374464676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088254962149257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602358526173013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965188600580128,0.11640704654324993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744818760888089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894166182838452,0.0,0.13475382439915426,0.0,0.12192523522100207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014590728786984,0.0,0.1025679236884449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476481480128208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697487624696126,0.3110011983105464,0.112731842861015,0.0,0.14749678009765632,0.4492577497324108,0.08568678536979768,0.16528688864020755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232433348979619,0.0,0.08756711866490402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214830342515856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162177155701484,0.0,0.0,0.08305715086010129
ptsd,boosasha,2020/04/12,"DAE Blood Vessels Burst in their face after a Bad Panic Attack ? tw: Homicide My religious idiot dad texted me a picture / link of an extremely , graphic , bloody Jesus crucified on the cross .

Immediately I replied, 
“ Wat the fuck don’t send me graphic images!!! I’m blocking u !! And I’m not Christian . For Fuks sake ! “

A second later he sends the same post again ! 
While I was in the middle of going on settings to BLOCK him.

I’m already angry I go to show my mom , she goes to his room and talks to him I pass by in the hallway swearing at him ( I usually never swear so ... unless I’m extremely upset )...

With no warning , I collapsed on the floor , screaming , crying , hyperventilating, kicking the walls etc . ( the last time this kind of panic attack happened was almost 2 years ago - triggered by the subject of the homicide of my pregnant cousin who I was the closest to in my family )

Screaming :
“ do you think I want to see blood like that ?!! What the Fuck is your problem ?!!! Fuck u ! U fucking idiot !! “ 

My mom was next to me fanning me down trying to calm me down .

I crawled to my room because I couldn’t get up to get Ativan from my drawer to calm me. 

I think the whole ordeal lasted almost half an hour.

When I looked at myself in the mirror , the skin around my eyes / eyelids was red - purple like tiny blood vessels had burst.
It looks like i have a disease.


I would post a picture but it’s not allowed here .

Woke up just now . The blood vessels are still there , looks like I got beat up.",2.3099530400395416,4.52648423529412,3.5426235788433016,88.04733131487892,78.61937716262976,5.235837864557588,24.508279782501234,6.1826913282559595,0.7258293623331684,1140,41,221,8,28,370,171,289,0.162,0.7909999999999999,0.048,-0.9792,1,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,2,1,1,9,22,8,3,23,0,13,11,7,2,1,24,35,7,0,4,5,4,1,4,0,1,0,2,2,0,6,4,0,2,3,1,0,6,6,15,0,2,8,10,38,7,39,25,3,47,3,0,7,4,17,22,4,2,20,140,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294802998390447,0.0,0.23258792553401986,0.0,0.12815955302551332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338613750488856,0.0,0.2642441465461514,0.0,0.0,0.09696915474165248,0.07079575309693349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757052908688035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952293455325736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948318823052687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294654165946064,0.12135309115987562,0.0,0.1320061371131604,0.0,0.092884995397147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269915334011097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437109192273215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093832843738975,0.0,0.18933355125505225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269537766321774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925763161111317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720354096375328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895716544982495,0.0,0.12351252129375324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27252239892664865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245339265764846,0.0,0.0,0.11112697831658036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254578123374213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274678595531102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334614673795948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883120301160305,0.0,0.0,0.0677201468354087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884908308442283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279079843940303,0.0,0.06850033666079999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966229257302594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250006152979072,0.0,0.0,0.07478812011600798
ptsd,thrrrooo0o0oawayyyy,2020/04/12,"Waking up in a panic attack after a long night of night terrors 😥 I feel sick to my stomach, my body is exhausted but dont want to sleep again, my whole body is tense, I can barely breathe I'm still in panic mode. I hate sleeping, its torturous. Hours and hours of torture, where I have awareness like astral travel, but cant get out of it. I'm going to take some anxiety meds, pepto bismol and hope this clears up so I can celebrate easter with my dog. I hope you all have a good Easter, and if you dont, chat me and we can talk through this day together because I'm all alone too. I'm trying not to be negative, always try to be positive but I can only hold that streak for so long til I crack. Ever since I stopped smoking weed I feel more present, aware, productive. But this brought back the vivid nightmares.",2.148875502008032,4.0532685060241,3.440457831325304,90.1071526104418,77.79518072289156,6.354377510040162,23.717269076305215,7.3011,0.9287201606425696,636,21,133,8,15,207,109,166,0.213,0.63,0.157,-0.7849,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,0,0,8,12,4,3,4,0,13,9,7,0,4,25,27,12,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,2,2,0,3,5,8,0,0,1,3,18,4,18,24,5,24,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,4,16,83,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323745980049762,0.0,0.0,0.11507697535481687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579939393529277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733662084586336,0.0,0.10634443713322797,0.0,0.0843066134716755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072410362716457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919228843504817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32417397487839755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251005900123643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398576310937731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225622796893295,0.0,0.07859927955177202,0.1159997771503656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654296931955928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747269185659754,0.27239598471001786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756656821020078,0.0,0.0,0.2447829263271435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362051813582284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25957103110941304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518365292992066,0.0,0.3245313390087788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440348379104498,0.0,0.2768004700925362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044684309761676,0.11562529044902407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398465615794264,0.11116058757553253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779372714893536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157313331541992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440740868789335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Certain-Improvement,2020/04/12,"I sometimes feelthings that aren’t there. Does anyone else? ((tw:sexual abuse)) Sometimes when I think about what happened too much ( I normally think about it at night because that’s often a time where I’m alone with my thoughts or might be trying to sleep in less clothing etc ) it’s almost like I can feel him touching me. Like his hand between me legs or something and I try to ignore it because normally it’s not too strong but sometimes it is. I try to change positions, roll up in a ball, squeeze my legs shut, roll around, or put a blanket between my legs to make it stop. It normally happens when I try to sleep in little clothes or without underwear in loose clothing. Often changing clothes helps, but the idea of taking off my already loose clothing is frightening. I never gave it much thought until now. I tried googling it and uh maybe wasn’t the best idea cause I couldn’t like immediately find a reassuring answer within the first few results. I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced this or found a better solution.",4.232052821128452,6.472322877551023,4.439123649459784,83.77142256902765,72.77551020408163,7.060744297719087,30.40696278511405,7.928766900206844,2.183278871548619,828,37,150,12,17,258,121,196,0.061,0.777,0.163,0.9661,1,1,1,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,13,8,0,0,8,0,9,6,6,3,1,40,23,13,0,5,11,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,2,11,1,0,1,6,1,1,1,5,5,18,7,22,15,6,22,0,0,0,0,5,12,0,11,12,99,31,0,0.0,0.12957393507660853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950842701568124,0.11326416909632847,0.12068168222089393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293436650794193,0.11205243187718457,0.0,0.09735374927475583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333299059826176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476676589605105,0.09672019549748877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234303339709203,0.231377147605017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570183379624568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135640076076967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196551298023095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529579482797422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999532267534638,0.09302171646154372,0.0,0.11990779686319775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934136987084968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330182597789772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469086722537428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028358540449775,0.10960763410452347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299877187277985,0.0,0.10986700362061537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601387295021663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078463645319754,0.0,0.08434531557710348,0.0,0.0,0.10262712422097406,0.3214492822335959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993719019019227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188783248053336,0.0,0.0,0.08419081233349965,0.32448005429050764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143001046982303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222524816413891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401471799985445,0.0,0.17363954054974678,0.063768802616814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37124193099787306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541931464227257,0.11859645432261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SomeJealousWeeaboo,2020/04/12,"I don’t want to be alive anymore CW: Rape, Suicide (Maybe NSFW I’m not sure?) When I was 12 years old I got molested and sexually harassed for a full school year by an older student. For the past few years I’ve been dealing with terrible flashbacks and It’s gotten to the point where I just cant take it anymore. 

I turn 18 in just over a month and if this it’s going to be this way for the rest of my life, then I don’t want to be alive anymore.

I already tried to off myself for this reason last November, but my friend called the ambulance and it reached me while I was still texting my suicide notes to various friend groups.

I’m scared and I don’t know what to do",2.4051088348271428,3.6047019436619716,3.737503201024328,91.25903329065304,75.33802816901408,6.853777208706785,25.585147247119078,7.348242739294969,1.004738028169014,524,18,119,6,11,172,89,142,0.15,0.7390000000000001,0.11,-0.8338,0,0,0,0,0,7,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,1,7,0,11,2,0,1,1,16,21,10,2,3,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,14,3,17,13,4,20,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,12,76,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692756287647946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770112731496343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637143202264073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529264902613353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477403098578025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111893562675097,0.0,0.12823012780123108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811288666577392,0.130689921287556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324544993458302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107250771957984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279734575795032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823881404274474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305262586496807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156317725722016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484540348017684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605177745128525,0.16226198862058894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803932610808155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35074884697798125,0.0,0.15110863308127398,0.0,0.120547812202075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885318944889548,0.17439242939601102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913295709139988,0.1272620747976554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097407765210727
ptsd,wetterisbetter90,2020/04/12,"TW/NSFW-1. I feel like damaged goods. 2. Extremes of needs for intimacy. I was sexually abused most of my childhood (approximately age 5 to 13). It was as severe as it gets. When I'm dating someone I get extremely apprehensive about sex and anything sex related because I feel like I'm something has just been used for someone's evil enjoyment. Also I struggle with being back and forth between overly sexual and zero desires for anything intimate. I know its confusing for the guys I've been intimate with and the guy I most recently dated couldn't grasp this. In fact he thought it was because of him when I would close down. 

Any advice would be helpful.",3.8369512195121938,6.457360764227643,5.196117886178861,76.06539634146344,75.5040650406504,8.002439024390245,31.38821138211382,8.841846274778883,3.1287186991869915,526,26,88,12,12,175,86,123,0.13699999999999998,0.773,0.09,-0.7184,0,0,1,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,3,2,0,11,2,0,1,1,23,21,9,0,5,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,6,2,10,4,17,10,2,12,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,3,10,57,15,0,0.0,0.2181935185342709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995409902686935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726865779733544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523169013956534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030876879220349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160379974297255,0.0,0.22451831300014816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622856559124312,0.26312068547587425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192426735451654,0.0,0.0,0.15446044623144092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646847333831205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343519023056715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012067518848072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799376263033073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654857203448448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818308098602905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208042691156535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31206780597804384,0.14177148791879998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925187522053195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619847072956207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590507613024382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616368048478228,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,technicolor_ghost,2020/04/12,"Medical PTSD? I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 11. I was in severe DKA. I had been very sick for over a year but eventually my symptoms piled up (it’s hard to explain but DKA is very serious)
I ended up going into severe DKA for almost 40 hours. Vomiting non stop, hyperventilating. Eventually I was taken to the ER and had to be rushed to a larger hospital via ambulance. They said my blood was thick like syrup because of the sugar. I was unconscious for several hours and on the edge of coma for two days. I have blocked out most of the experience I just remember being in a tremendous amount of pain and seeing all my relatives crying around me whenever I woke up. 
Now, anytime I get nauseous or throw up I have a full on melt down and feel like I’m gonna pass out. Any time I have ketones I feel the same way. I panic and become inconsolable to the point of crying and hyperventilating. 
I have been in DKA only one other time this past November and I had to go back to the hospital and it all came rushing back and I felt little like I was a kid again. I was screaming and freaking out and I felt like I had no control over anything. 
Is this PTSD? My doctor thinks it might be but he is not a psychiatrist.",2.075487804878051,4.258392097560975,4.236768292682928,82.94344512195124,79.24390243902441,7.514634146341463,24.071138211382113,8.472884824447931,1.7177430894308945,960,34,193,21,24,330,139,246,0.166,0.7829999999999999,0.051,-0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,6,9,0,1,13,0,24,11,1,1,2,40,40,15,0,0,6,0,6,4,0,2,9,2,0,1,6,18,1,3,7,0,0,7,2,5,1,2,19,10,27,4,35,16,6,44,0,0,1,0,5,22,0,4,18,134,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938817431943155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107814702569036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811329742349108,0.10613691298296543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335572541043071,0.0,0.07267940235853612,0.1316763647476906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363634185760259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372272140673575,0.0,0.0,0.26192954822874304,0.07689126572054017,0.0,0.0,0.12101244537635016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203343286959573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559934094126014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166264502593872,0.0,0.0,0.12056905887449867,0.08517547594677621,0.22895238335328996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229095499404148,0.0,0.13551839952754227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068035763430488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348282840259078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329922929989119,0.11949633177853487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010821263028412,0.0,0.1264805354684665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079100044425237,0.09067716894360492,0.12686546245243846,0.1398866755198153,0.0,0.0,0.11381523915989895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270763353373495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787389291469269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506044694097394,0.0,0.11341175805203554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500812939531464,0.0,0.0,0.40407621782660985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967874003372908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239220434702786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639556339187954,0.0,0.0,0.13904392804158205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646702162384452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967487914261526,0.0,0.09463649118871732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767779935345488
ptsd,messyangelic,2020/04/12,symptoms getting worse after telling trusted people about traumatic event? anybody else have this happen?,10.266000000000002,15.141341266666668,6.2150000000000025,63.86250000000001,69.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,47.5,7.1686216300943375,5.331000000000001,89,6,7,1,2,24,15,15,0.322,0.539,0.139,-0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693218425335606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309815181662713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909518270389617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064998119125237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595161807644409,0.0,0.0,0.3864190940857332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505425756433334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,chloelyonz,2020/04/12,"[TW] The quarantine is making my ptsd worse and every hour I have a different flashback. This will probably be really long and i will most likely go into detail about my trauma (rape, bullying, self harm, drug abuse, hospitalization). i’m not sure if this is against the rules, going in detail and all but if it is i apologize to whomever sees this before it gets taken down. Anyways!

Hi, i’m F14. I just moved for the third time this year and honestly my ptsd has been so much better. i have a really loving, supportive, kind hearted boyfriend who’s treating me better than i’ve ever been treated before. my mental health has been better than ever and my relationship w my family has been great! hopefully that gives everyone having a rough time some hope. but i think this whole quarantine thing has really just taken a toll on my progress, and everyone else’s for that matter, that i know of at least. 

My new life has been great, but despite the greatness of it all, its still going to come w some down sides. I love my sister, and she had seen me go through some shit but now that me and her are closer than ever, she talks to me more. All she can seem to talk about is the past and i think that’s the one thing i dont want to talk about. Almost everything is a trigger now, and now that i’m alone isolated all the time all i can seem to think about is what triggered me and then i spiral from there. 

Sometimes i’ll just be eating, or sitting in bed, or showering, or brushing my teeth, or with my boyfriend and somehow something about my past just comes to mind, like a random memory. earlier today in the bathroom i had a flashback to just walking down the street in the town i used to live in. that might not seem like much, but the town i lived in was very toxic. i was raped by an older boyfriend when i was 12 years old, but i didn’t want to say it was rape so i told my friend that i had sex, she told the next person, and before i knew it everyone at school knew. there were rumors he raped me because i was so young, but since i still liked him i completely defended him and denied it. people believed me and i was slut shamed up to the point where i couldn’t go in public without feeling judged or unsafe, everybody knew who was i was, even if i didn’t know them, even the parents and the grades above and below me. eventually i started smoking pot to cope and it became a dependency. i quickly found a plug whom i think was 17 at the time, i had just turned 13. he was the only person who i trusted enough to buy from but quickly that friendship turned into me getting bent over in the back of his rusty buick every time i bought from him or he’d upcharge or not sell to me. that carried on for about a year or so, but between that period of time, me and my friends were sitting in dunkin’ donuts and a young looking short indian man walked in and asked us if we had a phone charger. we said yes and somehow got on the topic of weed and he said he could hook us up that night. my friends had me go. alone. with no phone. in the dark, to meet up with this stranger to buy weed at a park a few blocks from my house. i got there and he said we should go in the woods so nobody could see us because he didn’t want to get in trouble, that sounded fair to me so i agreed and we did. he quickly told me to pull my pants down and i did. he was 23. he proceeded to rape me against a tree in the woods behind a park and i did nothing to stop him, i only obeyed. after that he left with my money and i got a bag with old leftovers. not even a little weed. so i went home and told my friend he never showed up. i went back to the other plug until my parents caught me smoking for the 6th time and sent me to the er and an outpatient program. 

that happened another 3 times before i realized my worth and moved away from all of that and all of the triggers. now i’m happier than i’ve ever been in my life. i’ve grown so much in the past few months and honestly am very thankful for the experiences i’ve had. i’m a new, happy person in a happy place and i want everyone to know that there’s hope for you, you can be happy if you truly want to. it just takes effort. love yourself 💞",2.7992047304082845,4.1160486067285404,3.896985490182498,90.03829223949856,74.53364269141531,6.9096097240017995,23.422516189354855,7.431386549294318,0.8011983031478342,3257,91,711,38,67,1057,347,862,0.08800000000000001,0.748,0.16399999999999998,0.998,5,4,2,0,1,0,82.0,7,3,1,5,48,43,6,1,50,1,63,18,3,7,13,143,138,68,0,17,34,3,2,4,4,4,4,5,3,5,40,48,1,2,16,1,6,19,12,11,1,2,54,12,105,32,104,73,20,121,0,0,4,10,74,49,1,29,55,489,145,3,0.0,0.06199480631000681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239443965437042,0.10838275801131178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486576502875279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891542103375887,0.0,0.049159662379715315,0.08046710275170467,0.0,0.06379185514306404,0.0,0.17809382131938786,0.058950680871753536,0.0,0.1388276843468792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014414595896428,0.054860207361170775,0.0,0.0,0.08355213425871594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466693407195035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061322766966383266,0.0,0.06067866288575804,0.053540015868086814,0.04370958068839036,0.0,0.0,0.05406417537041654,0.0,0.10367755959700756,0.18931845054034252,0.08816963195393708,0.1999894338795914,0.04702499919664188,0.05118243532118693,0.049325950912902296,0.0,0.02645634006632088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737003076427798,0.16170006385780228,0.0,0.08201062712583616,0.05019348096140465,0.20815660565231173,0.0,0.12554367837346214,0.17306057175285955,0.0,0.0,0.046269509303881205,0.1670980560283135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055617447031173016,0.0,0.062003614241978124,0.0,0.0,0.052484749237284994,0.15590716200706822,0.05152812004485205,0.06037430833728352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448688651110937,0.08626690227800772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056849649429237176,0.0,0.07391528853959291,0.10225050098180448,0.05244190540628817,0.09240524029974073,0.0463046620387696,0.04393857248776376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167203863633518,0.0,0.03492635089337762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052729793979871056,0.05550697814780504,0.05283183186960795,0.0,0.041764128483142135,0.11122322641237853,0.11539140632698465,0.0,0.04035511848326119,0.1010687488444755,0.05564664914248227,0.04910207199056398,0.0,0.050205821417971516,0.0,0.10980944921594464,0.0,0.035455766214054885,0.07958877809008583,0.0,0.0,0.11619813712501373,0.0,0.1498461396341283,0.036274535423800526,0.13706061871262956,0.05466693407195035,0.0,0.04946263176761752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056413596181099535,0.0,0.1223267721930102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005593457854051,0.0,0.0,0.05617587089852145,0.0,0.0,0.14931492705772018,0.04160975725308057,0.0,0.05295418807036918,0.08339013023113513,0.14290008194257076,0.05458483487295635,0.0,0.05370933367354671,0.04328255023736738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04028119621906644,0.05174929177257552,0.0,0.03703485145608927,0.0,0.08357124934521305,0.04374479934291839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937610192484456,0.04931429130917765,0.0,0.03934076965953219,0.12616697210744918,0.0,0.048172460425626236,0.0,0.0,0.06952283347109946,0.1341071763200917,0.0,0.0,0.24408208731258135,0.0,0.04959657182353834,0.1999894338795914,0.0,0.0,0.113825913053221,0.0,0.0,0.1888162293448204,0.04519071513508343,0.0,0.0863447551502599,0.154308816643768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700884059116432,0.0,0.0584173331273902,0.0,0.05043799888239383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053322129361595985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108387967135922
ptsd,raccoonsockss,2020/04/12,"is this ptsd?? (i do not want to self diagnose but i’m considering bringing this up with my counsellor once all this is over and don’t wanna look dumb) i won’t go into too much detail about what my trauma is because i don’t wanna give myself a panic attack but it’s related to medical things that happened to family members, and certain words and thoughts can send me into panic attacks. they feel very different from my usual panic attacks though as it’s directly related to my trauma and i feel like it’s all going to happen again, even though that’s not true. i dissociate often when this happens and even when i’m not triggered but that’s less common. this started sometime last year and the majority of the trauma was in 2015. the weird thing about this though is i don’t seem to have flashbacks?? i have intense feelings related to it and i feel like it’s going to start again but i know that it’s not? i rarely see images of it but it’s just an intense need to GET AWAY and make it stop. i also can think of specific memories beforehand and what happened, but everything around it is kind of blurry. i don’t really know, sorry this is kind of rambly, i just don’t want to bring this up to my counsellor and seem like i’m faking.",2.5433426086956534,4.620259776000005,4.22513043478261,84.13039130434788,77.24000000000002,7.227826086956522,24.069565217391304,8.18289091462,1.5493513043478258,984,33,191,18,23,330,122,250,0.20600000000000002,0.737,0.057,-0.9911,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,17,19,4,3,5,0,18,2,0,2,4,50,50,23,0,5,12,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,26,14,0,1,10,0,0,6,10,12,0,0,2,6,21,7,31,47,5,25,0,0,2,0,4,8,1,3,14,139,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216754540463475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146751155142747,0.0,0.3506720791092183,0.09653513639493974,0.0,0.0,0.06263423240741131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428706596266164,0.0,0.10734980025221784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357281813625233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923432849549616,0.0,0.09686167822730887,0.0,0.20780992164559986,0.146806395835358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368159375787932,0.09856525240794524,0.17518218345307265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36343889891482795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139924794624274,0.11293523693540393,0.08375334065302233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059246108862182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628244952828308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858509363280252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035078090875418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553160870347897,0.07618634650708785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942327589207868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616579496066478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010692371310536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658230053615773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187686007355607,0.18707585627990128,0.10718858154181288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162040782583667,0.11501798359299398,0.14545113874317928,0.0,0.0,0.08590193599214774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652242279158908,0.06583677516742976,0.3028481904888759,0.08157044181315819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316241541113355,0.08477786778756848,0.12120687523512776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616634885210843
ptsd,dqlovesyou,2020/04/12,"Anger and traumatizing others from my ptsd.. TRIGGER WARNING-questioned bf how much he drank and he started cussing in my face and had a gun. I held him down and listened to him. He told me I kept pushing him. I have a lot of anger issues now. He’s gone now. I find myself telling my mom she pushed me after I snap on her then I say I should just end it. He accused me of something and blamed me for something I didn’t do and told me to pick a gun and I said thats a sick game and I’m not playing he said have a good night and did it. Any type of disagreement, accusation, blame or hostile environment triggers me now. I tell people to fuck off and go fuck themselves and cut people off. Even setting a boundary makes me hate myself. Then I think everyone would just be better off without me.. Ugh. I go to therapy but this is engrained. I’m going to lose everyone and I don’t even care.",0.2580978260869564,2.582182961956523,2.087608695652176,94.34434782608696,88.94565217391305,4.721739130434783,22.130434782608685,6.280692351149826,0.3479260869565217,691,26,151,7,23,227,109,184,0.198,0.748,0.054000000000000006,-0.953,0,0,2,2,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,10,13,7,0,6,0,11,5,1,5,0,30,32,17,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,5,12,1,2,2,2,0,6,4,9,0,0,11,4,31,4,18,18,2,22,0,1,0,2,22,6,2,2,9,98,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265936081633803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335136525578716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391585623587034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370755550470734,0.0,0.0,0.1994180013187559,0.0,0.0,0.28850138842115003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797656549553408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27912393841163696,0.0,0.0,0.2573856110070398,0.12661979299212792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904375624241084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575651438440691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888790307793738,0.0,0.1283425240880693,0.0,0.0,0.10076833090382567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768049113885385,0.0,0.0,0.1109744659718625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166764382324287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20931613497940108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646654092740344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871989313468159,0.12005106976409913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324359004578665,0.0,0.0,0.10685170569046896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638949458127295,0.0,0.17263824401154934,0.0,0.0,0.09673037673800496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28850138842115003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552201508321766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723909867291873,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hitomizzz,2020/04/13,"Online gore can destroy you. I brought this to myself. I might be the most stupid man I know.. I'm sorry, it'll be a long story.

The first thing I remember being related to this would be when I was 11. I ended up with a picture of an 18yo corpse, in midst of the most disgusting putrefaction. I'd never dared to imagine that was what was coming to me when I'll end up dead. Of course, you can imagine it traumatized me. I couldn't sleep for weeks, I was terrified of the dark and this picture haunted me, forced itself into my mind and I saw it literally everywhere.

It sounds stupid. I know. It gets worse.

I developed, what I understood way later, something called as necrophobia. I realized it when my mother died 2 years ago. I barely mourned her, or maybe I did but in a really quiet and subtle way I still do not understand. I couldn't show up to her burying. It was definitely impossible. I just said goodbye to her while she was getting medicated and ran off when they decided to euthanize her. I couldn't get to see her for the last time as something that terrifies me. I just couldn't. I can't describe it. There was no way.

Yet.. something did change. I changed.. a bit. I developed a close relationship to death. Not in a way that makes me want to join her. But a sense of morbidity and nihilism I did not know I had. 

It developed further as I wanted to confront myself. To make these flashes stop. Just like I did when I was terrified of bees. I decided to confront my fears, to watch death in front of my very eyes. To rationalize it. To be, let's say.. desensitized.

This was the poorest choice of my life. I ended up watching dozens and dozens of pictures, videos. I saw dead people. I saw dying people. Various ways. Horrendous ways. I really don't want to tell what I saw. I'm not made for this. I've never been made for this. Now I'm back to being 11. But 10x worse. I have regular flashbacks of these, each time I turn the lights off. Each time I see a violent clip in a movie or a strange music plays on. It's been months, and it stained me. It damaged me. I can't stop thinking about my mother now. What she endured. What she felt. My stomach tightens whenever it crosses my mind. I fear I might have developed PTSD.. or I maybe I dug an old one up. I feel totally lost. And it hurts so much. I feel like I brought this on myself. 


TLDR : I'm weak and stupid. Never watch these. It can destroy a man.",0.4897145061728416,2.927046720164616,2.546459619341565,90.33104745370373,90.02880658436214,6.000462962962962,21.79128086419753,7.413659706084162,1.0251688271604935,1870,69,393,36,64,625,219,486,0.243,0.721,0.036000000000000004,-0.9987,0,0,3,0,0,0,82.0,0,2,1,2,16,19,9,2,20,0,40,6,3,4,4,67,76,25,7,8,13,2,3,2,0,4,3,4,0,2,36,15,0,2,15,3,0,6,15,16,0,4,29,18,75,3,52,32,8,60,0,4,10,0,21,17,0,7,33,272,111,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816569568963336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780449655284597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626903947755287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004100114037866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656417362054267,0.07595872381281127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830325394918687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343022602476254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984526248864128,0.08917228320562456,0.06299536327314119,0.08466602857966109,0.0,0.0,0.07500533151198738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382102522420616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439784493758344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538323558592306,0.0718779599451968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016938549346944,0.062283700488759926,0.0861599772361714,0.0,0.0,0.07803597222274637,0.0,0.0,0.09625820454509863,0.0,0.0,0.16687491383431113,0.11772083536104914,0.0,0.17717606903544372,0.0,0.0,0.08883144358900183,0.0,0.18708876446540199,0.17807206370717668,0.0,0.07038393601682988,0.0,0.06482198683246226,0.0,0.20402811075710128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252942092133053,0.0,0.059752626746300185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226495191152224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307697083459397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129799314502017,0.0,0.0,0.09467164877167712,0.09989004257746667,0.0,0.08387877870383631,0.07012377843245986,0.0,0.0,0.1405350908493744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824305730586841,0.0,0.0,0.20365437328652988,0.0,0.09870959120215334,0.0,0.0,0.07042016295317018,0.14744381218268798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707266060177914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058582458684774574,0.05650178311107972,0.0,0.0,0.15425430842401094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591383888962213,0.0,0.09179783941219656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275721944416723,0.15603144045309067,0.41995610180474585,0.07073217590008495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972463343908085,0.06264009816333421,0.0,0.0,0.056784626564506425
ptsd,dopelord_,2020/04/13,"I’ve been in a super good place lately, and I’m really happy!! But... I still have some weird, physical trauma symptoms?? I have these odd muscle spasms and shaking spells that I know are from trauma even tho I know I’ve been so happy lately. DAE experience? I wonder why this happens??",1.5098441558441529,4.16675894545455,3.350649350649352,85.0345454545455,86.81818181818181,5.324675324675325,16.948051948051948,6.868970318607317,0.2950779220779216,222,5,40,3,7,74,40,55,0.175,0.5720000000000001,0.253,0.8414,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,10,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,5,4,2,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518478135975982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22488784250898897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928305227901886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203301192215684,0.4894689759854402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526957723092708,0.0,0.5186779519982951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24019820047392296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728082772850434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835996845703617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23895575088973414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074504010092789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493184372910223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Can_I_Nap_Now,2020/04/13,"What it felt like to be able to understand what was going on in my body the last time I experienced trauma. I’ve been reading The Body Keeps the Score as recommended by my therapist over the last month. It started off as a really difficult read as it’s never easy to learn how your trauma damaged you into the person you are today. How you’re basically a mental cripple. I nearly threw the book out; however, I pushed though, and I started to feel really empowered from what I was learning about brains and bodies like mine. 

I was told by my mother that my grandfather was sick and being tested for Covid... again because of his breathing issues. He has COPD, so if he contracts the virus his chances of survival are pretty thin. She told me I should call him in case he deteriorated quickly. When I called him to check in, he couldn’t stop telling me how he couldn’t get enough air... how he felt like he was drowning. It felt like the man who I consider to be my father was dying... and he was in pain... and he wasn’t in peace... and he was alone.  I was on the phone completely unable to be with him or advocate for him, and eventually he had to hang up because talking took too much of the air that he was already struggling to get. 

I knew I was traumatized from how my body felt, but then I recognized something that was going on that I hadn’t paid attention to before. I was trying to tell my husband what supplement I needed to help with the kidney infection I had. All I had to say was “cranberry pills”, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t find those words. I could visualize it and knew what it looked like and what it was I wanted, but there were no words able to come out of my mouth. 

And then I remembered reading that when they “retraumatized” willing ptsd sufferers during an MRI, the Broca’s area, the part of the brain responsible for speech production, went dark. Knowing this helped me understand myself and give myself grace for not being able to say, “cranberry pills”. It was oddly empowering to be smart or knowledgeable enough to be able to recognize the physical response I was having. 

So it felt like going into a video game boss fight already knowing how it’s going to attack instead of just going into it blind.",7.566080995570553,6.658541816705338,7.710779371440626,74.67366114743727,63.54756380510441,10.991816072558533,33.28000421851929,10.230975488527342,3.1608784222737807,1757,59,335,34,22,572,211,431,0.085,0.841,0.07400000000000001,-0.5718,3,1,1,0,1,0,48.0,0,3,1,1,19,17,2,1,19,0,42,16,9,7,2,66,75,33,2,9,7,3,7,6,0,2,7,3,0,2,25,20,0,2,18,6,2,11,9,9,0,0,37,13,49,8,56,24,5,47,0,2,2,0,44,21,0,3,21,235,74,8,0.31718569526817103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821271805242899,0.17501115102519424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902111296953137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667672791214592,0.0,0.06747541621071987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523218030464358,0.0,0.17704206776340586,0.16194102917776487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830684773317104,0.08314079169457221,0.0,0.0,0.06331174200917734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229716863132731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386880614644092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04009465447284461,0.0,0.3806850110209333,0.0,0.07247549479293447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285821721041417,0.07606835529373691,0.2253299252101468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630144277537518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276486460730481,0.0,0.07048230493917959,0.0,0.0,0.08715848149841668,0.12927433792718465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324413635595608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658902469164979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991214448965232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329364895875172,0.0,0.058291995468989485,0.05879729349899936,0.0611582905171687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437698575490866,0.0,0.0,0.08587029961376708,0.0,0.0,0.0692385786713921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067297060088552,0.0,0.0,0.09269327600798374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379536476664681,0.0,0.10159863919635026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982739027071683,0.0,0.0,0.12611939788943072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610462611271129,0.0,0.0,0.11225283382831278,0.0,0.0,0.06629536096986455,0.0,0.0828978392730362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373546176899025,0.13861713909490853,0.0,0.0,0.0920692598229184,0.0,0.0,0.07790833379031023,0.0,0.04623838241266592,0.0,0.07516373789108641,0.15154226226154466,0.08810124455455283,0.05383706661780759,0.0,0.0,0.16510074746425435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677108526678985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350857931527356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hotpotato1530,2020/04/13,"Another subreddit for survivors during COVID-19 Hello! Given the many difficulties and triggers being brought up during COVID-19 for individuals who are currently experiencing or have survived violence and abuse, a new subreddit has been created! This page is a place to find and seek support about issues related to being a survivor during the COVID-19 crisis and discussing methods for coping! It is definitely not meant to replace other subreddits, but is meant to serve as an additional resource(:

This subreddit is called [r/COVIDTraumaSupport](https://www.reddit.com/r/COVIDTraumaSupport/)",14.07784090909091,15.859528375000007,12.058090909090913,39.95963636363639,49.34090909090909,14.312727272727273,50.55454545454546,13.348371206891418,7.927833636363639,499,29,52,16,5,155,64,88,0.11,0.7909999999999999,0.099,-0.4724,1,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,0,10,0,0,1,0,12,15,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,10,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,38,5,0,0.0,0.3782740953124422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347747797790355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32600291416399385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918003254386889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332273135395689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236822692795064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083459067710104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335615716930477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36229553047534097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CrystalineOmission45,2020/04/13,"Hyper awareness... Do you ever feel your teeth when you’re hyper aware? Not with your mouth. Like an itching, tickling electricity FROM your teeth.",3.737800000000004,6.9829338800000045,2.895500000000002,85.43525000000002,90.2,4.1000000000000005,22.25,5.985473137389443,0.6648000000000001,117,4,18,1,4,34,20,25,0.0,0.902,0.098,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7895423984375739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413389636398252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264302055937974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,[deleted],2020/04/13,"Quite a Ride My therapist praised me for practicing activities that were considered ""good processing"" one week and then the next week told me that those same practices should be dismissed through ""mental blocking"" and that I was poising myself to be a danger to others. What in the fuck?

I've got a video conference call with a therapist I used to meet with on Wednesday. I'm kind of tempted to cancel it because, given the last 5 months of therapy, it's all bullshit and what's considered ""good and healthy"" one week is suddenly something you should mentally block and is ""detrimental to yourself and others"" the next week",7.565499367888748,8.487463628318581,6.891554993678888,74.4057522123894,63.15929203539825,10.704930467762328,38.266750948166866,10.608840637214634,4.317625537294564,502,25,84,12,7,155,75,113,0.149,0.755,0.096,-0.7579,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,0,6,2,0,8,0,8,1,0,1,1,15,14,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,5,0,7,4,13,5,2,14,1,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,11,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772561193521756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369799139455288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820723279917675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689266888932017,0.12821733815526334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669418239930859,0.0,0.13067688630230348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32311657169049296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279606935337694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34099041812767866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172651315519712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705131237238259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341715227320355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833324405341944,0.3722726224161685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318640414697038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384593779397651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5143752279590174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Goomernator137,2020/04/13,Feeling confused and alone I’ve had ptsd for years now possible as far back as 2013 I’m not medicated and I haven’t been able to see or talk to a therapist since the coronavirus started and every time I make an appointment (phone appointment) it gets canceled and pushed another month back. I feel hopeless I want to talk to someone who also has ptsd as I have questions about some things with it that I’m trying to figure out if it’s normal so if anyone would like to message me that would be nice. I feel like my boyfriend is getting tired of all this as he doesn’t have ptsd and doesn’t know how to go about it with me.,7.524713541666664,5.642651210937501,7.295625000000001,80.75354166666669,64.234375,10.720833333333333,34.61458333333333,9.2995712137729,2.764745833333333,497,17,106,7,6,158,85,128,0.081,0.835,0.084,-0.1531,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,3,0,12,2,0,2,1,27,25,15,0,6,4,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,4,9,3,18,20,2,11,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,6,9,68,18,0,0.15329452827034068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587669000772555,0.0,0.12258957887400382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074267888759633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718709844193733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357480598667323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915725160655278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325309584360864,0.10951364162602643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601801280458496,0.0,0.08712081308982489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424666373912447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497839266143527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023252879719726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442810983004973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223582299502776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501960901947798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281654769869242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5375793006350841,0.0,0.17172495476368502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215589192198036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680681788717155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298859563439129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850265611235407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24642467026034576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798676249659975,0.10184207301351113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938727219637657,0.1761895097106678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407692217844963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904170844981218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177920692967356,0.0,0.0,0.09871665024756683
ptsd,OopsieDoopsieItsMe,2020/04/13,"I Am 16 Years Old And Vape - But Not For The Reason You Think  I am a 16 year old male. I have been vaping for a little over a year. My parents are aware and do not approve fully but has given up on trying to stop me. I do feel guilty about it. It's not something I think is cool and I only do it in the privacy of my own room. My parents are the only people that know about my habit.

The thing is, I use it sort of medicinally.

Background: I suffer from PTSD and psychotic symptoms. I see and hear things constantly that are highly frightening and distracting. I am resistant to medicines in that none have worked so far. My treatment is unsuccessful. I'm at a point in my life where I am thrown between therapists because they have straight up said that they do not know how to help me.

I tried nicotine first for the risk. I liked feeling kind of rebellious I will admit. I wanted to mess with my brain a little and play around with it. When I started to use it, it relaxed my brain in such away that it began alleviating psychotic symptoms. Nicotine is a mind altering drug and it is not impossible for it to mess with your head. I do not have a clear cut explanation for how it works. Anyway, it slowed and lessened the effects of my psychotic symptoms.

I know that what I am doing is unhealthy. I know that I could be harming the vaping community. For that, I feel terrible. At the same time, is it so wrong to be using it if it helps me more than anything? I am sacrificing having an addiction for my mental health. I believe I'm in a moral grey area because I am harming but also helping myself. Is it so bad for me to self medicate when I have stressed other options?

Obviously I am still pursuing therapy and psychiatric help. I hope one to day not depend on the nicotine for my mental health. But for now, I know that it is helping. I have suffered for so long that it is worth it for a glimpse of relief.",2.2990266898752547,4.400226984334207,3.9638664055700623,85.59266354801278,78.11227154046998,7.075398897592107,25.78249202204816,8.07648339933343,1.6536133449376271,1497,58,302,27,36,500,182,383,0.175,0.7090000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.9865,3,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,2,5,17,20,1,3,19,1,40,12,3,8,2,55,64,24,0,4,12,2,3,1,0,1,9,2,1,2,33,14,0,1,13,2,1,0,8,13,0,2,4,8,50,7,48,56,4,41,1,2,2,0,16,23,0,5,19,232,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209542599636684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489414724027499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706831265205602,0.08337088864100059,0.0,0.0,0.08798993183280407,0.0,0.0781962146636535,0.114179811532685,0.0,0.0,0.10551468704844713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090950983462368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120545591848257,0.0,0.0747741770592718,0.0,0.0,0.06039833806812904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086075687376287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206107891873634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966106310320675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611483900945224,0.1990971921323373,0.10555356410662388,0.0,0.3138676433271164,0.09894937386869093,0.0,0.09301840772953468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752502758994763,0.2573457750868383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661497748882474,0.04575405004699276,0.18772951068051572,0.0,0.08287982177057343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434538972954838,0.18876008309451398,0.0,0.09456267719867713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654581588614814,0.0,0.06346159231438958,0.1424544193308469,0.0,0.0,0.20798080519258424,0.0,0.0,0.06492709153600436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853221089857616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947516546646648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962907237145074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908530298647263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462919311660993,0.0,0.09770034347424887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209853643994832,0.0,0.0,0.06628796654234044,0.0,0.07479128392165084,0.07829797288866924,0.107279018859156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920234985914089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071001915132438,0.1087381726870992,0.12443757914150383,0.12001792456943075,0.0,0.0,0.054609727733566836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716827002006112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426579690579246,0.0,0.0,0.05523887512819181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363607748125654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239468540855384,0.0,0.18092808719834366
ptsd,lukestorm22,2020/04/13,"Would I have PTSD from my paramedic experience? I cant stop thinking about it lately.

I was high on cocaine all the time back then ( a year ago ), ontop of being an alcoholic and depressed and suicidal. Always cutting myself and that.

I had a paramedic guy in my house, I called them because I was worried I was overdosing on cocaine at the time. He was asking me about things and I was explaining (while drunk and in no way sane) how depressed and suicidal I was and how I wanted to kill myself. He went on to say that Im not going to actually do it, and in some kind of crazy ""prove my point"" way, I said, ""okay fine"" then I went to kitchen and pulled out a kitchen knife, and I am pretty sure I was going to do it, but ill never know - he grabs my arm and wrestles it off of me. It all happened so quickly at the time but now when I think about it I can remember actually wrestling with a paramedic for a few minutes over a knife. I couldve easily accidently stabbed him or myself.

 I was then arrested and taken to hospital, and spent about 3 hours sobering up in handcuffs on a bed in the hallway while people were watching me shouting about how I was suicidal and while I tried to cut my wrists by pulling on the handcuffs as much as possible?

I cant rationalise in my brain why the hell i would be doing any of these things. Ive also had so many other simular experiences of madness, but none as bad as that one.

From the start of it till the end, its all delusional to me. I cant understand and yet I can remember it like it was yesterday. I dont know Im ever going to get over something I did when I cant understand what brought me to that level of madness.",3.3511176470588246,4.470856582352943,4.8457647058823525,84.5439411764706,72.88235294117645,8.145882352941179,28.894117647058824,8.608573733854374,2.075537647058824,1298,52,272,23,25,436,170,340,0.16699999999999998,0.78,0.053,-0.991,0,0,4,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,1,0,18,14,6,0,16,1,31,8,3,3,7,46,52,38,4,3,5,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,3,1,19,17,4,1,10,1,1,8,9,9,0,1,20,5,44,5,50,28,7,57,1,2,1,0,11,21,1,2,27,208,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.20593862903426471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353440267039738,0.112765521385921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438186049925801,0.08779854863827921,0.0,0.0,0.0717551389786232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864409715152006,0.0,0.0,0.08113601532594783,0.0881022392330562,0.06432214854968966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177918039651746,0.10774459541625801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817631752824128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366507032735427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345669163961284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954461151156615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643163303409395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512824721182077,0.0,0.17990312955434584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447836205885604,0.09330828345063692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148444264262572,0.0,0.0,0.10391293322879898,0.1217523842423558,0.0,0.0,0.2279528085974756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673886283140256,0.1098796578440224,0.11597870377659318,0.0,0.11902770671730255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155024805817172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697761778102703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756709340062629,0.0,0.08138117068391547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150101078731426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315216185100606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974761640275688,0.11895449803985575,0.0,0.10734866417180387,0.0,0.0,0.1233436587626556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23906025226979544,0.0,0.10037077510238657,0.0839113075218405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123209714316326,0.0,0.0,0.07468543473243926,0.0,0.0,0.08821688835671046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462552257930012,0.0,0.09944846921594754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020153551247244,0.1352219918592265,0.0,0.0,0.18458333250258044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716390773923803,0.0,0.0,0.2196937160246272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223662631806341,0.16750887450705992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563052496730776,0.09521262816199448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715757664742287,0.0,0.1499124165205777,0.0,0.0,0.0679494512229755
ptsd,pukeybaka,2020/04/13,"Self-triggering Has anyone ever purposely triggered yourself by exposing yourself to various related things (i.e. visual, visiting places where trauma took place, etc etc)?

I feel SO shameful about it but... I'm not sure. It's been years, but sometimes I feel the desire to relive these things even though it has gotten a little better over the years thanks to effective meds and a little bit of therapy.  


My only theory on this behavior is that the effects of how my personal trauma reactions are extremely familiar and perhaps I feel like recovery is just not possible for me. Perhaps I feel like things are going too well in life (like my job and relationship) and maybe I should punish myself for my past. I'm not sure.  


I feel awful towards this, but I guess I want some thoughts from anyone on the matter. Thanks, and sorry for the long post! Also if this topic has already been a thread, please direct me towards them if possible. I don't want to fill the subreddit with repetition.  


(Side note: I'm not sure if this will be contributing to it, but I have comorbid disorders on top of PTSD)",5.522380952380949,7.21230521182266,6.196374384236453,74.74201642036127,68.3103448275862,9.94535303776683,30.28210180623973,10.203070172399654,3.3845221018062404,870,34,147,23,15,284,124,203,0.099,0.7190000000000001,0.182,0.9612,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,4,11,14,1,1,9,1,14,1,0,4,4,39,31,16,0,7,12,0,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,13,6,0,0,8,0,0,4,5,4,1,0,5,5,18,10,22,23,5,25,0,0,0,0,4,14,0,5,9,106,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576414420459606,0.09113844529413044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937513771260128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079352881225356,0.12442118614848788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061473222644004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542040859913973,0.07527336596866625,0.10308863172177253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881227783154444,0.1628344452761825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476941621545064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554622719677766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309351622005515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804974468903432,0.16703386609696227,0.22844743374084836,0.0,0.10085618677506893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449400963253822,0.0,0.12659036234318732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667616083162867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879329482208568,0.0,0.0995105802292184,0.2381401038437428,0.1251002748142698,0.0,0.2569587337361795,0.10914777670701097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321997441164535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235666730165788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889123165230785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271513507910914,0.12757543326759754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222343813325501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984887707564728,0.13032987629735146,0.0,0.2271415307541527,0.0,0.11197086434948213,0.0904761510423218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662024745118228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444001659645646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024689816527621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678053568410693
ptsd,marlborough666,2020/04/13,"i have no one to talk to. don’t get me wrong, i love my friends and i am forever appreciative of them. they know what i went through, what i go through on a daily basis, but whenever i express my true feelings (which are more often than not dark and full of despair) they give me half assed advice that are mostly on the “you can get over it” lane. i don’t think they will ever truly understand what trauma is, what repetitive abuse does to a person and i can’t blame them for not understanding. i’m just sick of feeling like i don’t belong.",3.456418918918917,4.4737791801801805,4.597826576576576,86.81133445945947,72.51351351351352,7.712162162162162,25.58671171171171,8.07648339933343,1.3290441441441438,423,13,91,6,8,139,77,111,0.188,0.655,0.158,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,5,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,11,3,1,0,2,17,24,4,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,7,3,0,2,1,2,19,4,13,22,3,8,0,1,0,2,12,4,1,2,3,68,26,0,0.0,0.2759838747381571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276164290216935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383854897220824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069845463455467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23555273989831055,0.16640518652708286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996108394035085,0.0,0.24339254625852,0.22344761096686225,0.1323794454951087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801219634049435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137977966805952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022835348170413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783934693873922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033854278973418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872202522475628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925209204596707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4849765378425149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592837613143925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546723094311512,0.0,0.0
ptsd,HolyGoddessAngel,2020/04/13,"Is it possible for someone with PTSD to mellow out?  Is it possible for someone to mellow out and become kinder with age? My grandfather is a 75 year old Vietnam vet. The grandfather I've always known is intelligent, funny, likable, sociable, and full of youthful energy. He's also in excellent physical health and still has huge muscles and a six pack.  


According to my aunts and uncles, though, he was very different in his 20s and 30s. They described him as a brooding, embittered man who would scream at them and smash things over the smallest of offenses. They say he relaxed some in his 40s out of a sense of guilt and desire to change, but that he was still grim and extremely serious; and that he lightened up tremendously in his early 50s after beginning antidepressants, and that as his 50s went along became outright friendly and jovial.  


I don't know. Does this sort of personality change sound possible, especially when it sounds like a fairly rapid one (complete maniac in 30s, non-abusive but gruff in 40s, progressively more friendly throughout the 50s)? Or are my aunts and uncles probably exaggerating what he was like back in the old days?",9.048945981554674,8.930026657004838,8.565516029863858,67.16932806324112,60.20772946859904,12.358190601668866,38.14185331576636,11.741389052700956,4.7134772946859895,926,40,152,25,11,295,132,207,0.084,0.7440000000000001,0.172,0.956,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,3,2,6,12,2,1,9,0,11,1,0,0,0,28,14,21,0,2,3,2,0,2,2,1,1,4,0,2,10,19,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,0,2,4,4,12,6,30,9,3,29,0,1,0,0,22,15,0,3,15,99,22,1,0.0,0.17340955309596287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704193738306252,0.12178105781556695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253978484361922,0.0,0.0,0.16164021848266774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30965338622372274,0.0,0.15345291980881473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943883969935839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291230299421407,0.0,0.0,0.12807832238219194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261506848569995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557104228676866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804341839873757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300563816932976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071548835725154,0.0,0.09917554291740344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779361182377436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4949878384514949,0.0,0.0,0.15779800090643292,0.0,0.1710839355766932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638925644201124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480162524249797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23376237241804976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972333345304961,0.0,0.14379537473592924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076015955202735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567474998753212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396807775706328,0.0,0.0,0.09424934895009683
ptsd,wishvshope,2020/04/13,"Is a break up salvageable if you have PTSD? My girlfriend (20) broke up with me (m26). I have PTSD from a childhood sexual abuse event that I never spoke to anyone about. My trauma made me into a serial monogamist. She was subject to it. I was her first. I started psychotherapy 7 weeks ago and she broke up with me a week ago after a relationship full of triggers and me not knowing if i should go to therapy. I finally did with the goal of bettering my relationship, family relationship, and relationship with myself. She said couldn't wait for me to figure this out and that I have hurt her too much, which I see/understand/regret now. My trauma is not an excuse but an explanation. I should not have entered this relationship and should have figured my stuff out before but I did not. I truly love her and she loves me. I am not me during triggers but instead I'm in hypervigilance mode reliving the event or feelings of the event. I am learning coping skills, mending the relationship with my family, and setting goals. I want her in my life but she deserves time to heal herself and indulge in fulfilling work and carefree fun  and so do I. Is this salvage able or not?",3.437217261904763,5.811020549107147,4.7423214285714295,80.06101190476194,75.65178571428572,7.838095238095237,26.73809523809524,8.704169506293173,2.2243148809523814,929,36,171,20,21,307,122,224,0.09699999999999999,0.838,0.065,-0.4646,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,1,0,6,5,9,0,0,11,0,19,4,0,3,1,47,31,19,0,7,14,0,1,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,8,18,0,1,5,0,0,2,8,5,0,1,7,3,41,4,26,20,2,29,0,3,0,2,23,10,0,4,15,137,49,4,0.11371614428922013,0.13473503598120354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016050013457308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951297211907389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676406320034167,0.0,0.0,0.1005726885793695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440292071641576,0.0,0.05749829934046146,0.0,0.0,0.12457047766762055,0.0,0.09672689424049137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462750538913731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173548439484798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624954189672617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803210756973974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052665199914334,0.10760096526780114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359445039983625,0.0,0.08770490085377174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658561746361864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7325314913258483,0.0,0.0,0.1081700939540662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061704411967546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048887222169254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017777886200144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004432145496794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630879821605233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838251662030255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707272818548707,0.0,0.1824324633934564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278670739529413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ocean_wavez,2020/04/13,"Help with constant fear of something bad happening Hello everyone. I have been experiencing worsening PTSD symptoms after a recent traumatic time when a family member of mine almost died. They are doing very well now and are mostly healed. My main problem is constantly thinking something bad is happening or going to happen. I am quarantined at home with my parents right now, and every time my mom's phone rings I think it's someone calling to say my family member has been hurt or died; whenever I hear my dog's toy squeak from another room I think it's my mom screaming or crying after finding out horrible news; I'm even having trouble sleeping thinking that any minute my mom will wake me up to tell me my family member is hurt or died. I think the stress is mainly around my mom because she is the one that found out the news about my family member the first time and I witnessed her horrifying reaction (screaming and crying) then, so my mind jumps to that happening again.

 It's like any possible way that something can be interpreted as something bad happening, my brain interprets it that way. Does anyone else have this problem, and how do you cope with it? I am not asking for medical advice, just ways that people have coped with this problem before. This is very distressing to me and I have an appointment with a counselor on Friday but would like some advice about what to do until then.",7.118204022988508,7.842242551724143,7.183369252873567,72.61574353448276,64.09578544061303,10.356417624521074,32.78759578544061,10.270032843473604,3.487315900383141,1130,43,188,25,16,363,149,261,0.162,0.8059999999999999,0.032,-0.9782,1,1,4,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,1,12,17,0,3,8,0,25,6,3,1,0,41,40,18,3,4,7,5,0,2,0,2,3,5,2,0,15,14,0,0,9,1,0,2,1,14,1,2,3,6,29,3,27,34,4,29,0,2,0,0,17,8,0,7,18,133,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514648912766793,0.0,0.0,0.07760540621050807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540579199894674,0.08126587497059877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054190047103388775,0.07940826774417073,0.0,0.06899174305098463,0.07245236602060387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412866664520434,0.04724349438563398,0.0,0.06594709017906193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865160221599792,0.07913652300806033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675006929613531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026099196759426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412993845460434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782107906439618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474159828772147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05118825063954911,0.0,0.06529738793232352,0.07405490619051135,0.0,0.0,0.29224173271570125,0.0872094407904732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083391639935452,0.06592175861829402,0.0,0.0849751342154064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404523523491519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342666520376563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734852766554879,0.0,0.0519468513612394,0.0,0.07773917063117983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593145640768173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757255132058559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807344976607276,0.0,0.0,0.07825326122643612,0.3630698957409947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251624328264037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605496777880721,0.0,0.0,0.05372898489289763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873700006452746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247210658258693,0.09059376251642932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652224649277714,0.0,0.0,0.06618487594664119,0.0,0.06163138942314458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755632041341019,0.0,0.06566579555428557,0.2386542248259413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877638975114317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055253861421978,0.0,0.0,0.0677387223793308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482954766459847,0.0,0.0,0.13557323300590124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789181145529893,0.0,0.18454851285490065,0.0,0.0,0.06968212259571796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055054025463371334,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Renegade-Philosopher,2020/04/13,"I have a family that denies my PTSD I've had PTSD for a couple years now, and I'd be considered in my teenage years. The underlying trauma was a time when I believe abuse to have happened, but I had no memories of the actual thing. Because of that, my parents didn't believe me, even though for several months after I was running pregnancy tests and crying from the fear. My parents don't believe I have PTSD, and right now I don't really have any support for it. I have sleepless nights, I've just gotten over this thing where I fall over if there's someone in a room I don't suspect because I get scared, there are triggers in my everyday life, and I don't know what to do. I work really hard to keep it together and support my friends and family and keep my head up, but recently there's been a new case of abuse, and I can feel everything starting to cave back in on me. I really want to know what the right course of action is, but my parents won't believe anything I say, and I'm kind of worried.",6.9326213592233,5.311863427184465,7.566330097087381,77.50658252427188,65.2135922330097,11.152621359223303,35.64854368932039,10.125756701596842,3.3267957281553397,790,31,164,15,10,264,108,206,0.157,0.765,0.078,-0.9461,3,0,0,0,2,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,2,9,0,21,2,1,1,0,22,34,15,0,2,5,3,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,9,9,0,2,4,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,7,3,25,4,24,25,0,30,0,0,0,0,5,13,0,1,14,113,34,2,0.0,0.2397944716528133,0.09874983499990993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881475483995465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832732709912299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781122136784177,0.0,0.12337270741109416,0.0,0.0,0.4560397302486288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119682026464442,0.11115583118216653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683706562314759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094580262453823,0.0,0.190791633073024,0.11387033243459566,0.05116625460806182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818151165985072,0.0,0.05286920031982705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948469394095206,0.0,0.09064911066293208,0.0,0.1038532797681412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989009294611125,0.0,0.10537700608017947,0.1112261251339732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147565504836474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077133972784714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773289357732826,0.0,0.09496283729928473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33708877272235604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548678363515043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448060755108385,0.0,0.09991594451006368,0.0,0.0,0.17283665066247725,0.0,0.08047278756070346,0.1013119121946123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431936095589175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574055631561309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162497285050698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296653838818991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445635297773212,0.0,0.09942167341795433,0.0,0.05900649047353024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059686292063615184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366975714653784,0.10276647040475906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033003333215018
ptsd,Serendipity10,2020/04/13,"How do I stop feeling stuck in the past? {Not asking for a diagnosis or stamp of approval - just want to hear how you guys deal with this successfully.}

In the past few months, I was looking into PTSD and wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve experienced this given an intense childhood and upbringing (parents deported at 6, bullied, diagnosed with bipolar type 2). Never thought I’d be posting here, but things have happened suddenly and I’m seeking your support.

I think of memories from the past, and I’m going through feelings as if I was in the situation. Instead of actively going through memory lane, my way of thinking is almost similar to what it was like in the past. (Dunno if these count as intrusive thoughts)

If you guys have found yourselves in these scenarios before, what are some coping mechanisms you use that are pretty successful? I’m definitely going to speak to my therapist about this (can’t schedule Bc it’s a weekend), but I’m curious to see what people who’ve definitely experienced this feel about intrusive memories/thoughts/feelings.

I hope whoever is reading this is safe and well during these troubling times.",6.868160278745641,8.365449868292687,7.158763066202091,69.81835365853661,64.95121951219512,10.540069686411153,39.033101045296156,10.608840637214634,4.689139372822299,913,50,145,24,14,296,130,205,0.047,0.743,0.21100000000000002,0.9879,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,4,0,3,8,9,0,0,8,0,15,2,0,3,1,37,41,16,0,7,9,1,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,2,15,8,0,2,8,2,0,3,4,1,1,0,8,9,11,8,26,30,2,24,0,0,2,0,11,7,0,9,13,97,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345910065203423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565409220386173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437199645874538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385695798158184,0.0,0.13642211146569164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718445286835752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737232110131168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291628701721734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661717045123697,0.11885726557039833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148849584894414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349827447775145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566535464036773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286954751699226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728382870532566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366435924764657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924507576196425,0.0,0.5132336660044243,0.09318214424953546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287264846312006,0.13674207920506448,0.0,0.0,0.15711670458211047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444518155206836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710641850269986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510811323967444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123717824340294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252552320506904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156058986365366,0.08929524005550563,0.1722474747472232,0.0,0.21341116086868508,0.0783748571930909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608605561062815,0.0,0.0,0.07927779773598667,0.10668745606716147,0.0,0.0,0.12084966079800855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,head_split,2020/04/13,"Books on PTSD/Trauma? Does anyone have good books about PTSD/Trauma? I’ve read The Body Keeps The Score, and i’m looking for more.",0.4788461538461526,2.9405626538461576,0.560384615384617,102.6221153846154,95.53846153846158,2.6,10.346153846153848,3.1291,-2.0562769230769242,103,1,22,0,4,30,21,26,0.0,0.866,0.134,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093674242400539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325976495179858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620319669736125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511464854630312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661458785994165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514445930355191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7000319698594181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995096082568857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lsoccerdude,2020/04/13,"Going on 1 year without a breakdown! A few years ago I was first diagnosed with PTSD. This was because I have food allergies and they were very severe. When I first went to the therapist in 7th grade I was not doing well. I could not sleep and had a breakdown almost everyday. After a few sessions she diagnosed me with PTSD. We then started to work on coping. After having a session every week for 2 years. I finally went a year without a breakdown. I feel I have made great strides to get where I am now. I get depressed from time to time, but I am doing much better now. I wanted to share my story. And remember if you ever need help there is always someone who will.",2.2420763447079253,4.472934977443612,3.748872180451128,86.40716020821287,78.92481203007519,6.197570850202429,24.51648351648352,7.321109707123232,1.2482161943319845,524,19,100,7,13,173,88,133,0.045,0.85,0.106,0.8604,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,1,4,7,5,0,0,8,0,15,4,1,1,1,20,25,7,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,2,0,0,3,4,1,1,2,8,1,18,4,16,15,3,27,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,20,79,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377066389511965,0.0,0.13981599240818451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116180617438497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511515337527491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348848840152328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148057547963304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202602905139911,0.2834363661306414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630036325462374,0.11764153480049483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059946563532946,0.0,0.0,0.1529542483543161,0.0,0.237532835728178,0.16883718570640746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589839806483998,0.0,0.07935308345036088,0.0,0.0,0.15393895322971576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935888481254892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211817978774046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264170585919326,0.10353144468783043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264323307030345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816985670306655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773845197546751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972755811256632,0.0,0.11830526790609372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882851203640836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621173852325054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283492815168926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520666801871488,0.08235545786424442,0.0,0.11200013372440258,0.0,0.12554119100158626,0.2588707391298465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691903536079351,0.0,0.10164991609940084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596601228667897
ptsd,lurkylizzy37,2020/04/14,"Experiencing flashbacks and dissociation? Hi, my name is Liz and I'm a 30 year old woman with a lot of past trauma. Specifically, most of the trauma happened when I was a child living with parents who were abusive to one another and myself. I seem to be having flashbacks to things that have happened in my current relationship though. My partner likes to drink and I do not. I have no problem with anyone drinking around me, it's just that I don't find pleasure in it myself. He has acted in very scary and mean ways while drinking, and even though it has been over a year since he has done anything like this, I seem to be having issues. I lay in bed and sometimes have memories (that prior I didn't remember, or hadn't thought of in a long time) and they feel real. For example: he screamed in my face one time, and I had a memory of it the other night. I felt his voice causing my whole body to shake and rattle. I felt my life being possibly threatened. It took quite some time to shake the residual feelings and go to sleep. 

After experiencing the flashbacks, or experiencing something he has done, I tend to dissociate. At least I think it's dissociation. I actually welcome it and LIKE the feeling. I just kind of go away. I can't see what's in front of me or hear what people say. I go on autopilot or just stare into nothingness. It almost feels like maybe I'm going cross-eyed, lol. But no one has confirmed this for me. Although, as a child, my teachers would accuse me of ""daydreaming"" all the time. I would try to explain to my mom that I wasn't ""thinking"" of anything. I was just in a daze. She said, well whatever it is, just cut it out, lol. 

I like this feeling of being numb or calm and unaware. Is that unusual? Are these signs of PTSD? I really am not sure and just looking for some answers and possibly some people out there who are going through the same.  Most of the time I hear people describe dissociation as an unwanted or unpleasant thing. So, I'm a little confused as to why I welcome the sensation. (Most of the time, unless I'm trying to do something important)

I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this. I hope you are doing well during these difficult times. Much love to you all ❤❤❤",3.4825799086757963,5.273344449771692,4.8883333333333345,81.68583333333336,73.68036529680366,7.697716894977169,27.235159817351605,8.430304187100639,1.9448146118721448,1751,66,340,31,36,584,214,438,0.105,0.78,0.11599999999999999,0.7173,2,0,5,0,0,0,59.0,0,2,1,1,15,26,1,3,21,2,38,9,3,1,3,77,73,32,0,5,16,2,7,5,1,2,2,6,1,4,29,22,3,0,17,4,0,10,10,11,2,3,15,19,45,15,55,52,13,47,0,0,3,1,29,17,0,18,24,247,74,1,0.0,0.09515202604894092,0.07836917012702788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041701206198623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421009781214983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230665192917327,0.0,0.13217353003884502,0.07149128010565389,0.0,0.0,0.0754521508127815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920425083428915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249859228167336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436624035299527,0.0,0.23601424105842456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053042775885312185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303106897068124,0.05737215863834925,0.15421683662303345,0.0,0.07340019449203426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22820486265811185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203246422092533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102624406921936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976411371371311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382084422658255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362858041212899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056724021568554175,0.19617252863663415,0.08048986433351887,0.07091356805029922,0.07107018588731721,0.06743862014831606,0.0,0.0,0.06827511755949447,0.07248124110763995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068033115029714,0.08747911884468862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405593505286704,0.0,0.0,0.05903573086291958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536375885650548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426989448089357,0.0,0.16325664315400965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917269710683044,0.0,0.07666321654162155,0.16702667908819147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107074593974454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684405400820701,0.09387593015443756,0.0,0.0,0.0854176031960203,0.08032988285078703,0.09140825676120644,0.10289491501153757,0.0,0.0,0.08622089896255163,0.09097347917968622,0.0,0.07639144134024338,0.06386426447139577,0.0,0.0,0.06399519827757548,0.14621904778498096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643173183018405,0.0,0.08036614791050449,0.0,0.0,0.12365027524250648,0.07942681414529303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568948127318405,0.0,0.060381734571609814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670633324279696,0.10291644005426588,0.15780469989468995,0.06375570085043407,0.3746266262033276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922530993089373,0.1090479250101766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626263456783155,0.0,0.06374487169110242,0.0,0.0,0.1444133435262117,0.0,0.07246561453438913,0.08966118186822804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409721167465152,0.0,0.0,0.1034316316060458
ptsd,HemetRibbit,2020/04/14,"Hospitalize Me, the Series Oy vey. Maybe letting this out may help me. Idk. Feeling anxious, rotten, emotionally unregulated, helpless and hopeless and that no one is helping me. Finally asking and begging for help only to be ridiculed by hospital staff and treated insane. 

I took my charmain hiney to the hospital in a major panic and disassociative episode last night. Can't  sleep because my sleep are nightmares, can function bc I cant sleep. Erupted in an uncontrollable rage and panic last night because of some effed up intrusive and totally unreal thoughts.

I took a Lyft bc i didn't wanna panic my boyfriend and mostly asking for help from anyone in my life or to do something about abuse has never gone well and victim blaming is a thing. You see last year my brother strangled me to unconsciousness and left me for dead. His wife absconded with their kids bc she is a nurse and didnt want to lose her job. They left me in their house to die and when my mom picked me up I was pretty beat up amd she asked me what I did....lol...All for bringing his wife home 10 minutes too late (he hates himself and her and has alway always wanted me dead bc I took everything from him...you know by not doing drugs and studying and earning scholarships for college sure seems unfair.) Cuckoo.

Sitting there, naked in a robe, zoned tf out with tears down my cheeks and a bag of piss sample, I could just see and hear nurses making rude gestures. It was empty in the ER and the only time I've ever felt unsafe for myself, i couldnt even feel safe there. I finally asked to be seen, they ignored me. They took all my belongings and phone and i just needed to call my fiance to pick me up bc i could feel a huge trigger (sweating profusely, rapid talk, hypervigilant). I said i really didn't want to be there so unless they're checking me in, ill go. A dude  nurse walks by and laughs ""good, go then""......uhm all I saw was red. That's alllllll it took for me to cuss him out, threaten litigation, speak to their head staff and demand my belongings and to tell me ""tell me how tf do you act when your brother tries to kill you and you lose the only kids youl ever have niece and nephew"". They were in the wrong and the security staff apologized as did the doctor. Doesnt matter, i wont be seeking help from the er ever again and i get to deal with the embarassment of losing my shit thinking im a victim again. Ughh.

I prob needed 72 hrs. Thats what i wanted. 

About me:  Im 37 years old and was diagnosed in 2017 with PTSD. A history of child physical and sexual abuse, extreme poverty, absentee parents , extreme bullying and racial prejudice from whites and blacks bc I am mixed, an emotionally abusive and cheating gay ex husband, watching friends die in front of me, painful endometriosis, bullying at work, physical attacks and most recently my brother tried to kill me.

Spent all of my life ignoring the effed upness of everything because being alienated or told your different sure makes you not wanna put on anything but a happy face...until my body and brain broke, which happened one night outside of a club in 2017 when a black woman threw me to the ground and choked me because i walked by her and  apparently thought I was ""just some cute lightskinned girl."" After, i went into a dissociation and been stuck in it since.

You see, i can write all those things down now but those are things no one knew of me. I am smart, educated, used to be kind, and definitely goofy/quick witted. My kindness has often been easy for manipulative people to exploit and since speaking up didnt work as a child, I just laughed about everything....the manager whos wife sent me nudes and tried to groom me for a threesome outta nowhere, the other manager who hated me because I excelled at what I did and ridiculed and alienated me from staff, the perverts who knew i was naive to men, etc...

There is no point to this other than asking what do you do in crisis and you feel no.one WILL help?",5.140086281704806,6.345644545335084,5.5622423325812616,80.75810973644414,68.72404730617609,8.42407953784742,29.470185704014085,8.733022093515281,2.2343992809857927,3133,115,593,51,53,1003,375,761,0.17600000000000002,0.74,0.084,-0.9946,4,0,2,0,2,3,106.0,0,10,7,8,26,46,15,4,32,0,50,19,11,8,11,116,103,56,6,11,11,11,5,0,1,3,7,4,1,7,22,52,0,4,12,1,3,17,15,30,3,3,35,21,96,16,91,55,11,76,0,6,10,2,74,33,2,9,25,381,118,14,0.0,0.2070084952956376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691781905448923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579267301013654,0.0,0.04072155544642383,0.0,0.04792513746577338,0.0,0.2722246240627565,0.06625444448278109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750755710148666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468959378641402,0.0,0.06501317459034484,0.05946778941456945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929970461565588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004110349338225,0.0,0.05911062243375791,0.1208842680185968,0.06084660118178116,0.0,0.05960934143770112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753790867426533,0.0,0.0,0.13102043969458738,0.0,0.0,0.06495107035498239,0.038465830868294026,0.15803955972571532,0.0,0.0,0.10468161129818288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778808525287192,0.0,0.055917876238332,0.12759436550134065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044994746201033935,0.0,0.03042709458717035,0.0,0.06619630668884276,0.04884750132490175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149991356355445,0.061995725850315486,0.0,0.114996477382839,0.05976927109881117,0.0,0.06563876768200293,0.0,0.23421532562294786,0.0,0.05841773750771712,0.0,0.0,0.06719914923689653,0.0,0.0,0.1258146598050972,0.0,0.05779250085657344,0.0,0.12886404342665753,0.12129240131941288,0.03200623245238183,0.1424158993603071,0.0656953100080564,0.0,0.1265521106997562,0.05955258116029676,0.08227083079298858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954611962571836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774900054747026,0.0,0.058508174216512686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682079629038543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636588480877005,0.044916947359124416,0.0,0.0,0.16395802557776562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611112720684105,0.0,0.11839128550258388,0.13287849559897486,0.06196962988052921,0.2049902000025545,0.06466671149333203,0.0,0.0,0.040375086466004885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505399341774625,0.0,0.0,0.0592492619257717,0.0,0.0,0.06807742603313274,0.05854555111681159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03730892974567404,0.0,0.057503269880820426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055397935219915234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922509327098376,0.053017937579106916,0.0,0.0,0.05978075158691468,0.09635060451560244,0.0,0.17484099963466151,0.0,0.0,0.0448346687641333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097777684734408,0.0,0.0,0.04680971879656382,0.10180563725944176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607276481819133,0.03731673456583288,0.0,0.09246936891481324,0.03395920604121111,0.0,0.0,0.05564916676974139,0.3235243276477208,0.1186198960170194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050299170195366366,0.0,0.0,0.13740177216155294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236320266509945,0.05398746367217819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479631450264043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367441046912094,0.0,0.07500707836996033
ptsd,christineyvette,2020/04/14,"I just need to vent. I don’t really want to go into detail about everything but my trauma happened in 2017 and at the time it was me, my sister, my dad and my other sister living in the house at the time. 
My sister then moved out with her boyfriend and my environment changed and it was tough but I adjusted. I was feeling grounded, I was in therapy and things were good.
But now due to unforeseen issues, she and her boyfriend had to move back in here and it triggered me so bad. Its everyone in the same house again like it was when it happened. Everything is a reminder and i'm scared.

I’m back in my room in the only environment I can control and i'm having trouble. I’ve been having flashbacks and panic attacks and I’ve fallen back into avoidance and safety behaviours. I’m hyper-vigilant and on edge. 
The worst thing is I have nobody to talk to about it.

If I was to tell my sister, or hell, anyone in this house what the issue was, they would likely respond that I was attacking them and then they'll guilt trip me and tell me “well sorry for moving back! I guess I’ll leave.” From my sister or “well why didn’t you tell us you were uncomfortable with her coming back” How could I? She was in an awful situation and needed to get out. I do miss my sister and would love to see her more often as she lived a little far away. I thought I’d be able to handle it. My family is not good with feelings and emotions and I’ve afraid I’ll be even more invalidated if I tell them how i'm dealing with all this.

I just finished a CBT program and now I’m on a waitlist for more therapy but of course with this virus, it’s not going to happen anytime soon.
I feel almost mad at my sister ??? And like, i'm angry that her moving back ruined all my progress and I wish I could speak up and tell them but they’re response to my trauma is “it’s not happening anymore you’re fine.” “It was 2 years ago, time to move on.”
Now I’m blaming myself for not speaking up. I always seem to do this and maybe I deserve feeling all this.

Obviously this is out of my control and she's here until she can get back on her feet again and I do love my sister but God my body and my mind are responding like i'm in danger again. I know I’m okay and i'm safe but my anxiety is not listening.
God this sucks and I need tips.

(Sorry if none of this makes sense. I’m feeling too many feelings)",0.9466117959119984,3.0950710223123745,2.8993864097363087,91.16171497113436,83.19878296146044,5.577297550319862,20.23127633016071,6.844919456158928,0.33476879388360103,1846,53,397,22,52,618,217,493,0.175,0.7070000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.9895,0,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,2,5,3,29,32,6,5,12,2,38,4,2,6,4,95,81,49,0,12,19,9,6,4,0,3,0,3,1,0,25,40,0,4,10,0,0,10,8,19,2,0,16,10,66,13,55,58,9,64,1,2,1,2,42,29,2,9,29,279,91,1,0.0699008589944355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196289392207618,0.0,0.06999561312476525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058163114324433725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534739658036785,0.0,0.06932286920136,0.04887630588483422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904463664364085,0.06567415802084269,0.37624612090936493,0.05836429749952288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764409632216324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394584029297284,0.06021340057865969,0.0,0.0,0.15679951430588568,0.11162029604478647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720647162868445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862905797033486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046168858115122544,0.0,0.0,0.06679326630468622,0.12564476966158306,0.0,0.06589630884281585,0.0,0.21206384756039134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304062754606416,0.0,0.07945253806493073,0.11725904820148085,0.0,0.0,0.07700367687489597,0.0,0.2472523950305896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196861863180275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459166719537571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841568403795104,0.0,0.0,0.07401491678783899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660011550364615,0.07005902432698112,0.12344747827037986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617650870844582,0.0,0.04665936616785133,0.07086849964670894,0.07022480817393682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057994108940256,0.0,0.0,0.3714677539164994,0.0,0.15549180370141705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531627531186103,0.0,0.08201359704853876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04478028018562578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998295415687537,0.0,0.05570193452384259,0.06363511673587231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857149424092934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649657755330906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618366266224857,0.3054821588310629,0.0,0.15987544836080905,0.0,0.09287804940909684,0.0,0.0,0.05549347403986385,0.12227925902241844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408212670454353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412293377037255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256985339833686,0.0,0.06307465285936896,0.0,0.08038253813101727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931112935205097,0.0,0.0,0.04501386140273122
ptsd,JadedGypsy2238,2020/04/14,"DAE Get Tired of Not Being Able to Trust Anything or Anyone? I had a few very traumatic events happen to me over the course of about 3 years. As a result, I really don’t trust in anything or anyone anymore. I managed to get married and really do trust my partner, but not anyone else. I just moved across the country and I’m finding it incredibly difficult to open up to anybody or have faith that anything will work out. I hate it here and I want my old life back because it was safe and I trusted and relied on my old friends. 

Now I don’t want anything to do with anybody else no matter how nice they are or whatever because I just don’t trust people to not judge me or use what I’ve been through to harm me. It gets really exhausting because I’m really lonely here since I don’t know anybody which exacerbates my depression. It’s like, I have the desire to try and make friends but what I’ve been through just won’t let me. It’s such an isolating feeling.",3.8572959183673454,4.9152403418367365,4.9812244897959195,84.28520408163266,71.60204081632655,8.048979591836735,29.306122448979593,8.418075326091056,2.049728571428572,761,30,155,12,14,251,108,196,0.146,0.643,0.21100000000000002,0.8941,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,10,17,1,0,6,0,17,3,0,4,0,34,30,15,0,3,13,0,1,1,3,2,3,0,0,1,10,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,4,1,20,11,22,22,1,14,1,2,0,0,4,7,0,5,7,102,30,2,0.13512193452392054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400465070081816,0.2834411950817693,0.1384483898912214,0.4447753559128788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390042706963708,0.0,0.2471072313879861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638032420934255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257540756535968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683217100551581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349900021462094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878974285746024,0.0,0.21178690150970125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948788045246132,0.0,0.0,0.1334049359618622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425948147047602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817133284186267,0.09544061838459147,0.0660137519358417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019494053373407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361323235369322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28357548065383953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367653596067146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462502850036004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177426054973066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530278649569185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091738923905013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670196742650865,0.0,0.11148974709599817,0.15939683574162908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837037762788728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701409568676217
ptsd,CrystalandtheGems,2020/04/14,"How do I move past this? I don't want to be so scared anymore. Hi,

In high school, a boy that I considered one of my closest friends asked me out on a date. When I said no, he turned hostile. He would anonymously message me and my friends, berating us, and he manipulated one of my best friends (who was a bit delayed) in order to make me mad. Then, he started spreading vicious rumors about me around the school. By graduation, almost everybody hated me, even people who I'd never spoken to.

Every day, people in the halls would point and whisper, and look at me as if I'd just kicked a puppy. They laughed in my face and talked behind my back. 

It just kept escalating, and eventually, I was hearing from the few people who didn't turn on me that he'd been saying things like : If I was sitting on a ledge, he'd push me off of it. How he'd love to see me dead, and wouldn't mind killing me himself. 

I remember sitting in the guidance counselor's office telling her everything that had been happening only for her to look me in the eye and tell me that I wasn't being bullied, and that it was all my fault that this was happening.

I thought that after I graduated, I'd be free. But then last year, I had to report him to the authorities for cyberstalking. He'd been stalking my accounts since graduation, and was still talking about how much he hated me.

A few days ago, as I was walking out of a store, he was walking in. I saw him, and I know that he saw me too. For the rest of that day I was shaking, and I kept flashing back to high school. It was like I was right back in the guidance office being told that I wasn't being bullied. I couldn't escape it, the memories wouldn't leave me alone. They still won't.

​

Once the pandemic is over, I plan on meeting with my therapist to figure out some coping mechanisms for this (I haven't been formally diagnosed with PTSD or CPTSD, but my parents and friends all think that it's likely). 

But what can I do in the meantime? As long as I'm scared of him, he has control over me, and I don't want that.

Thank you",4.724351648351647,4.935030600000001,5.572380952380958,83.88313186813187,69.19047619047619,8.556776556776558,30.43956043956044,8.384062270229773,2.0296373626373625,1612,60,342,22,26,529,195,420,0.084,0.8370000000000001,0.079,-0.223,1,1,0,0,0,0,60.0,1,1,2,3,18,22,6,3,18,0,43,4,2,6,3,55,70,31,2,9,8,1,0,3,4,5,1,4,0,1,26,20,0,4,5,0,3,5,12,10,0,2,27,10,62,13,52,28,9,56,0,0,6,1,45,27,0,5,24,245,88,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272487529452957,0.0,0.09344912737923858,0.09665409369701528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111502397176546,0.11339720267046093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255096634049106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307692078820897,0.08724405568886592,0.0,0.0,0.21527801187931275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793633620166567,0.0,0.10188413491675613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046692580523245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055611602145447,0.0,0.0,0.09472049880075208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163871291853261,0.0,0.07862833558099491,0.0,0.08387235685550502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884033108161761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650497761684752,0.0,0.0,0.18427354085534425,0.0,0.0,0.10518137958153692,0.0,0.0,0.19720095176937893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324765641347676,0.0,0.05128767348068156,0.07607039405753274,0.0,0.09881518395362587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677816034304946,0.0,0.0,0.08258758543193295,0.15673500029228554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422731159984179,0.0,0.062293576094290364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942292468175998,0.0,0.0,0.09918718017698347,0.0686028663820907,0.0,0.07197616068467627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938554869901983,0.12647565028360186,0.0709760607305015,0.0,0.0,0.10362372981805408,0.0,0.08908700415750308,0.19409447092876844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822004409353204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908915327623107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571634068475523,0.0796970108775658,0.08877118596479865,0.07421389619610096,0.18686445351151265,0.2833424328361517,0.07436604870237044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771974388334288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605423350305037,0.0,0.14905513594230202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001838013471205,0.16313617324448304,0.08591893376819755,0.0,0.10835475915196276,0.061999404551933576,0.05979736917255541,0.0,0.074087739113366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917376635956083,0.0,0.0,0.2030164330058126,0.0,0.0,0.11225562600222623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100882029269319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258742887862912,0.0,0.11339720267046093,0.06009671006891872
ptsd,PotentElixer,2020/04/14,"I couldn't leave. I'm a 22 year old woman. It would take far too long to explain every little thing leading upto why I even posted.  And I'll spare you anyways.When does Trauma and PTSD become so painful that others around you start hating you at the core because of it? I keep asking myself what I did, or said, to lead up to this. It frankly makes not one iota when I  realize I cant change it. The question I can never answer, Why does pain cause others who were once close to reject you, rather than try and love you. Maybe its too hard, to love someone who is that broken.In short. I lost everything I was using to cope in the matter of one night. The aftereffects...I don't even know how I've dealt with. I guess it's what you learn is normal..",1.7910046082949298,3.604688658064518,3.0401152073732725,92.98588709677419,78.54838709677419,5.2027649769585285,18.16820276497696,5.773587663045528,-0.3870829493087561,582,11,126,3,14,188,108,155,0.128,0.8029999999999999,0.07,-0.8357,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,6,0,3,9,8,1,0,5,0,10,4,0,6,1,28,25,7,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,16,6,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,6,0,2,5,2,17,2,14,18,0,18,0,2,0,2,15,8,0,3,7,78,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883630081094982,0.13529872431542145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822326824718615,0.1598378477528226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867286522179635,0.1531002966587815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533003677615898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117954020989544,0.0,0.12193740209754066,0.0,0.13006986892432865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594313585004169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296455427493612,0.1428863823784592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863859647752926,0.0,0.0,0.07953730188551582,0.0,0.0,0.153243315276384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505288418644033,0.0,0.12807743593535664,0.0,0.0,0.15798488408251987,0.0,0.26124067071380835,0.0,0.09660533674248628,0.0,0.1453961294055032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162116025976183,0.0,0.0,0.13581499578593695,0.14180017626381694,0.0,0.0,0.15186497512147326,0.1541278411255891,0.19613937024386327,0.0,0.3079960858794886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386069395014489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917626259329396,0.0,0.1621255841134596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376670091981647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262537247059055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243739195788247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881549899873198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614913334734937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825905515090867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499628909375353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611843486032233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280878075816888,0.0,0.0,0.09319842072536896
ptsd,BubonicZombie,2020/04/14,"I need an online therapy service. Hello everyone,

Do you guys have a recommendation for online therapy services?

I have tried BetterHelp in the past with two separate counselors. The first counselor left the platform, the second counselor would NEVER give me advice/support/comfort unless it was during a scheduled session.

What has worked for you guys in the realm of online therapy?",8.0784375,10.73570871875,7.655125000000003,62.977375000000016,63.375,9.495,39.3625,9.888512548439397,4.885160000000001,314,17,38,7,5,99,48,64,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,5,0,7,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,32,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026345865049168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936760088214856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100979695105813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943114355199874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633964782333254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764167108842868,0.15357020154371656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007834056792602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259539875532973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6831180171591215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351864007496781,0.0,0.19450697784017884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495850535231822,0.0,0.0,0.14144598698628014,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,flowersfake,2020/04/14,"I'm angry all the time Normally, my behavioral symptoms lean more towards anxiety and mistrust. I get irritable too, but I don't usually get truly, hotly angered. Lately though, I find myself much more angry. It's at dumb things too. When characters on a show say something that I don't like I find myself talking or yelling at the TV. When one of my friends says something even remotely insensitive, I have to stop talking to them until I can cool off. Petty stuff like that.

I'm just wondering if this is normal? I've only had an official diagnosis for a little while, but I've been dealing with PTSD for about 5 years now, so I'm still learning exactly which behaviors are the PTSD and which are just me. I'm sorry if this is a dumb question, I just really don't know. Mood swings are normal for me, but it's been years since I got angry like this.",3.854260355029584,5.373071349112427,5.259881656804733,80.50627218934913,72.19526627218934,8.513609467455622,28.384615384615394,9.057496981413335,2.4009076923076935,674,26,129,14,13,226,105,169,0.263,0.698,0.039,-0.9897,0,0,2,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,13,9,3,0,7,1,13,1,0,0,2,24,22,14,0,5,9,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,11,3,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,5,16,5,14,18,4,18,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,5,15,87,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953808335753756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476200760711607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457402593448057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617416521524007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062634546234304,0.0,0.14961916941042094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145201636743058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869213246376497,0.0,0.16152179251629978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098626118402417,0.14351154120214335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525932416815313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208801904042035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702758918579972,0.1089005835849552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33475716550904305,0.0,0.1604028253206931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172961066241954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773697279582944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844622051011475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204655420537413,0.0,0.16028673859854695,0.0,0.0,0.11434976190130992,0.11971120279943072,0.0,0.0,0.16391548672413309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882668934389226,0.0,0.23017745669447995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512744534050707,0.0,0.14068104026731304,0.0,0.08349381152983547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770085626235414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552807893355026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441617443072933
ptsd,throwaway7367483,2020/04/14,I need help figuring out if I do have ptsd or just a very very mild form of it So I was in an situation where I was younger where I saw my sister get hit in the head my my dad which brought her to the ground and then he proceeded to hit me really hard on the leg. I was maybe 10. I think it is so embedded in my mind because I was in the most shock I’ve ever been in in my life. I never thought it was possible for a parent to hit a child like that. It caused me to panic because I thought I was next and didn’t know what he was going to do to me. I think about this a lot. Not every day but every other day. I’m terrified of my father and distance myself from him and would lick the floor if he told me to because I’m that afraid of him. I cry a lot when I think about it and it’s a puzzle piece to the many reasons of my depression. I don’t have any nightmares about it or any panic attacks from it. Which makes me think it’s just a normal emotional scar and not PTSD. I just want to know because I don’t want to look like an idiot or dramatic to a therapist.,1.8566641846612053,2.44549942194093,3.9373541821792015,91.66445271779598,75.87763713080169,7.433010672623483,23.22387689252916,7.724431198458867,0.7571461404815087,821,22,203,11,17,283,115,237,0.152,0.81,0.038,-0.9814,1,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,12,9,2,3,16,0,17,3,2,3,2,42,40,16,0,7,11,4,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,16,7,0,0,10,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,14,4,33,2,29,22,5,22,0,1,2,0,13,12,0,9,10,141,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646370334944946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924040038743718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984400339093373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257319520681167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444363313146876,0.15786750581524786,0.0,0.1054174367186422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767633722107267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071202717065476,0.2062437899877236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394560947598159,0.0,0.06955910897358376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964063376655696,0.0,0.12561115414418172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203785665802604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345286540805953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645022616407252,0.11959067075185367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277980655812488,0.0,0.0,0.20810934031761325,0.0,0.0,0.08169868489929273,0.12408790983344675,0.12296083179691301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358265533505597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075331077384376,0.09439749715343768,0.0,0.13016699247716634,0.0,0.11991975091523913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872050596925066,0.13590361930225747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379804049971137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861431601215245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840848046299033,0.12584101543330187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375755454320584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210841438763294,0.0,0.3136995323203519,0.0,0.1943337092595871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116952339163599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019750922523436,0.1443818442602009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694490871070214,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RedWomanZ,2020/04/14,"How to receive low-cost mental health care and meds when uninsured? TLDR: Unmedicated, uninsured and poor with PTSD. Need help receiving  affordable care and meds, but no return calls. Considering voluntary commitment and possibly other more drastic action to have my needs taken seriously. No family or friends to help.


Post:
I've been really considering committing myself to a psychiatric hospital as a stepping stone for getting the care I need. 

I'm uninsured with PTSD. Been on medication on and off for a year or so. I'm poor, so I've had to drop mental health Care multiple times because I was unable to afford it. The last time I did, I went through withdrawal symptoms because of stopping the meds abruptly. 

I really need low cost, continued access to medications and treatment. I've applied for benefits and talked to doctors, but since I haven't actually done anything ""serious"" in the way of self harm or had a real paper trail of my ptsd causing me life problems - I feel that my needs aren't being taken seriously.  

I simply don't make enough to be able to afford what I need to live a normal life with my PTSD. I can't keep a job long term while sober (I used to abuse Adderall to force focus and marijuana/alcohol to try and relieve stress) or invest in making career choices for a long period of time without being medicated. 

When I'm off my meds, my mental state dissolves really fast. My work performance suffers. I stop taking care of myself. I become paranoid and fearful. It holds me back. I've had to change jobs because of my ptsd symptoms before. I have been too afraid to learn to drive. I honestly believe it is the reason I'm unable to commit to a stable healthy lifestyle. I just want my symptoms under control so I can move on and have a good life. 

I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet, but I've been working extra shifts and putting money aside so my cats will be taken care of in case I go away soon. I can feel a break down coming on and it's just a matter of time before I do something irrational and/or dangerous. 

I also haven't used any illicit drugs to help deal with my symptoms in over half a year. I don't even drink anywhere near as often as I used to. 

The basic plan is to continue calling Medicaid for answers and continue using natural supplements (like caffeine, L-Theanine etc) to try and keep myself together while I work my dead end job. 

The messed up part is that I really have improved so much on my own. It shouldn't be this hard to get the professional help I need.

Any advice on this would be appreciated. 26F in Virginia.",5.166519480519484,6.481821155555558,6.255007215007215,75.40727272727275,68.75757575757575,9.212698412698414,31.11255411255411,9.534367207540994,3.0126554112554107,2052,84,363,44,35,685,248,495,0.128,0.718,0.154,0.9112,6,0,4,0,1,0,54.0,0,0,0,6,17,24,1,3,20,0,37,15,0,10,3,68,76,36,1,12,10,0,3,1,1,3,14,0,0,1,12,20,1,6,6,1,5,11,11,12,0,1,14,3,45,12,66,53,8,63,0,2,0,0,12,20,0,5,28,231,57,11,0.05914058327253236,0.07007192043820801,0.05771267814229172,0.0,0.0,0.05779149350652975,0.0,0.06320329771847273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047294703076139914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043524928467248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866766092902407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055564524773497916,0.04547545800623325,0.0,0.10815465191966296,0.06531612778486391,0.100648560910289,0.06663118518618452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077829566973235,0.0,0.3617865969576274,0.06075367004431662,0.06256289534084368,0.05094437582416622,0.0,0.0,0.06633119296601248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097134449968378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060532892980521925,0.0,0.06052134985974191,0.0,0.05793525655188101,0.06858430070361189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238100292435152,0.06110803179494177,0.06595738345604052,0.0390617974833828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575247853222084,0.06654959824246365,0.05980651175658808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045691867931798656,0.0,0.06179702764468027,0.0,0.06722191273811297,0.049604315343031835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052978346217789185,0.0,0.0,0.12572734896069962,0.0,0.0,0.15856274535034548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606371006885918,0.1051337355165741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820746875561478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253182288806712,0.028893101680710482,0.0,0.052222218535359535,0.10467511030113637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895359713714131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627674229025976,0.17873374722646646,0.1787993937752276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285708058411166,0.043475133508037424,0.3069639519028117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579452148723026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404348847638472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667212160385723,0.0566403308079182,0.0,0.0,0.05658955108158072,0.3456608851114283,0.059452620927601826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731493128556289,0.15154788810227093,0.060806369454398115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616965264352013,0.0,0.0,0.04892170162496335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045529310350674736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098888351511716,0.0677453383235126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458788421802368,0.04446635848454358,0.04753496062898293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794139880874373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803051479044131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043139020166698,0.0,0.0,0.03488264829381625,0.04694304223417451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482391319778706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057009411838085576,0.0,0.1291651469500525,0.0,0.0,0.04201177353057817,0.0,0.0,0.07616919325464591
ptsd,suggaarrr,2020/04/14,I had something traumatizing happen to me yesterday morning :( So something incredibly traumatizing happened me yesterday. I got woken up to my boyfriend having a seizure. I’ve never witnessed or been in a position like that before. It was absolutely mortifying having to call 911 in hysterics. Ive never been so scared in my entire life. I’ve been extremely anxious and on edge ever since. Every time I look at him it replays in my head. I have this really terrible feeling in my stomach. I’m scared all the time. I suffer from bad health anxiety myself and it’s made it so much worse. I don’t know what to do or how to make myself feel better. I almost feel like his apartment (where it happened in) is making me feel uneasy. I just want this feeling to go away. Yesterday was so scary. I’m not sure if i need professional help (which will be a hard at this time in the world). Am i suffering from mild PTSD? I’m not sure what’s going on. :( Someone please help.,2.362058823529413,4.900058614973262,4.2105106951871685,81.52870721925134,80.49732620320856,7.162459893048129,25.3927807486631,8.238735603445708,1.9765552941176483,759,30,140,16,20,256,112,187,0.258,0.6459999999999999,0.095,-0.9883,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,0,2,5,0,16,4,2,4,6,27,38,10,0,3,6,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,9,7,22,5,21,27,2,27,0,2,1,0,5,16,0,4,11,94,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316306550474366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101731478491675,0.15023271266210642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494171871757125,0.0,0.1110350838303822,0.0,0.0,0.11315856868967178,0.0,0.0,0.11761248042417224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579030781122425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029055657844658,0.11204374503155796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362004984219153,0.0950029393409714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115438037523424,0.0,0.1063584938734831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527887542428063,0.0,0.11912646888005457,0.0,0.1364787189848301,0.14135449851310555,0.0,0.0,0.17827113620971574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073083869425315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939296848532935,0.12993735833375902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167205995464743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583154134528393,0.17753410409719134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977576596598708,0.09860506164786392,0.2051290679502457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597518110570565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544977755252035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851921873025133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662779649346409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000474688710868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267589542791966,0.20475331375288586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506694316131031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326300213993365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843670127686744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552083488001074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Taytayhart,2020/04/14,"Sometimes I get scared that my trauma wasn’t real, and that I ruined my family’s life (potentially triggering) This is my first time making a Reddit post so please bear with!
I usually don’t talk about this, but I am a survivor of child abuse from my father. I know it was real because it very much affected my life and the people around me, for instance my mother would find bruises (and I have scars) etc. It definitely was real. (Also my parents were separated at the time).
However, because of the nature of PTSD disorder and how it affects memories and the way I was emotionally manipulated as a child it’s really difficult to not feel scared that the things I experienced were all just a big nightmare. Maybe I just dreamt it all?
Especially since there a huge parts of my childhood that are blank to me, abusive instances that other people witness and told me about that I can’t remember, big chunks of time just gone. 
It’s really hard to come to terms with trauma, I almost wish it wasn’t real. I wish I just made it up.
Has anyone else experienced this?",5.296008403361345,6.43749316666667,6.404621848739499,75.09794117647061,68.31372549019608,9.55406162464986,28.787114845938376,9.784248007369934,2.7387938375350145,842,29,154,19,14,282,117,204,0.185,0.732,0.083,-0.973,2,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,2,10,0,15,2,0,7,2,37,25,11,0,3,6,3,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,20,10,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,10,4,24,0,19,14,6,17,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,7,110,44,0,0.0,0.2721329224652105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499553618066112,0.0,0.0,0.0918373985238778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029870374501936,0.11766701280640875,0.0,0.1022318272861784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001063155799606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892437505278476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316164345118765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593397125059336,0.12917939106500634,0.0,0.0,0.12807680598592325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826080420495586,0.0,0.05806648627934515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496155608057307,0.09768273047524338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999908960480145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287396216244904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311298646411936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222958568943774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866425694386328,0.07665650161186237,0.0,0.11537207988665678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442051439520946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751607966447964,0.12436038269647935,0.0,0.1592310053617063,0.0,0.0,0.126059685969919,0.0,0.0,0.1099848459679897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424165665651328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5228516319154997,0.1471387162817582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009118031423955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299494776174518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499672302339984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357956290043855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230393340397408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762945034296308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008921463405513,0.0,0.0,0.10973441233058473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647988680760422,0.09475491560165776,0.0,0.09115453945535112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641203543845597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815789451561033,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gemini_snake,2020/04/14,I keep hearing the her voice. So growing up my mom was mentally abusive. I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety. I struggle with anxiety everyday but the PTSd has gotten better.  But lately I keep hearing her voice and I'm reliving moments and I can't shake it. I just keep hearing her voice and can't get it to leave. I don't know what it means.,0.7606031746031725,3.2425381714285737,2.9519047619047636,87.75198412698414,88.71428571428572,6.53968253968254,26.34920634920635,7.793537801064563,1.970158730158732,272,13,54,6,9,92,41,70,0.124,0.768,0.107,0.22,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,14,17,7,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,6,0,3,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,6,11,1,4,14,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,35,15,0,0.0,0.1942582460209949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508481620174892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500366544429927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640948699412725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565900666410738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5543629828528464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371885685028719,0.0,0.0,0.09010462931572692,0.0,0.1849468401151093,0.1736032250373098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785935717384603,0.0,0.0,0.16522670044901447,0.0,0.0,0.19202051422254424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833060480711317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139993607867815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cutethrowaway117,2020/04/15,"Paedophilic OCD and ptsd Hi. I'm a 18 year old girl. From age 12 - 16 I was sexually abused. My first abuser introduced me to ddlg (Daddy dom little girl roleplay and kink), and the following who were up to 40 years older than me played it out with me. Ddlg has become an ingrained part of my sexuality. 

Here is the thing. I have horrible intrusive thoughts about children and harming children (paedophilic ocd), being a child myself and getting harmed and I have a tendency to seek out situations where I can act like a child getting harmed. So there's repetitive behaviour and intrusive thoughts. It's horrible. I feel like a freak.
I seek out porn with youthful women and lolicon manga. I would never harm a child and try to distance myself from them as much as I possibly can. 

I talk to a sexologist and a therapist because of my trauma and I can never tell them about this. I'm evil. I'm broken. But I will never hurt anyone. All my abusers were abused before they abused me and the cycle ends with me.

How can I deal with this? How can I ever tell anyone and get help?",2.6567559523809514,5.098913379807698,3.930549450549453,84.52397435897437,78.66346153846155,6.846520146520146,24.80860805860806,7.957251820313856,1.594153113553114,845,31,160,15,21,276,118,208,0.218,0.7020000000000001,0.079,-0.9869,0,0,0,0,5,0,26.0,0,0,3,1,9,11,1,0,12,0,15,1,0,2,5,32,25,19,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,8,6,20,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,8,0,1,5,1,27,3,22,17,3,21,0,1,0,1,18,6,0,0,15,110,33,0,0.0,0.6970174718984897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453606266837295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172219778732669,0.12994215651032845,0.10011685856073403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212984948482976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042085731503111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642687317991424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949056821470267,0.08405369519066881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007840172693534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441170604587614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886254808646445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595351900165355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149618652541663,0.11792253739788065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649092948706551,0.0,0.2722314110254083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346051103108108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274103239934302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263981736424546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753393642865802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225062805313836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456768953157364,0.2056736110455256,0.0,0.0,0.1366080504742136,0.07816562791232329,0.0,0.0,0.1868119440905192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988091495526846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357967069584814,0.0,0.0,0.1515336191355526
ptsd,sharkswearwater,2020/04/15,"TRIGGER WARNING: Themes of derealization and disembodied voices within. I wanted to share what it looks like when journaling after a trauma related nightmare. Just having this on paper helped me understand what I have gone through!  In the last hour of sleep I was pulled unexpectedly deeply into a hole in my consciousness. I oozed down into a black, velvety void. I landed on a street lit by a cold fire. All around me pieces of shredded newspaper fell silently from the sky. The pieces of paper curled up and were burned away in individual flames, lit by an unseen force, before they touched the ground. I was on a paved street where only leaves and ash skittered like dancing shadows. I peeked around to see what looked like abandoned, Grecian buildings long empty of people. Farther along the avenue I saw what looked like many twisting, impossible staircases in the distance rotating around a glowing moon. I felt like something lurked around one of those staircase corners. There was *someone* hiding in the labyrinth. I crept closer to the Escher-like maze as a sense of foreboding washed over me. I whispered a name. I knew she was somewhere inside the twisting mass of shapes and I was morbidly curious to know her. *I got too close*. Suddenly the sky cracked like cheap plaster and 8 distinct voices chimed like bells around me and started to argue about whether, “It was time,” or not. I felt my consciousness give way to someone else. I battled to front a single personality. I could feel the grooves of my mental state at their weakest places and knew suddenly that the sky was my extremely fragile sense of self. If someone hammered hard enough I would become the 8 arguing voices and give over to *her*. Another completely different sense of self. I would never be the same. I battled sleep, but it was like moving through frozen molasses. My eyes opened and dreams collided with reality. I saw a gollum-like face float over my partner’s sleeping form in bed beside me and disappear with an evil grin. My eyes closed against my will as the body took over. I was being cast back into the black dark and this would be the last time I was one whole person if I lost my way down there. I could sense my reality release it’s grasp as it cracked, snapped and groaned. It felt so freaking real.

 Panicked and gasping I closed my eyes. With all of my being I channeled a single thought. A boat floating on a calm lake that reflected the stars. 

 I drifted on the row boat without a paddle. The night was clear and crisp and I could see the stars give way as a gentle pinkening dawn appeared on the horizon. Below me lurked a bleak maw hungry for me. Yet ahead I bore witness to a soft dawn. I adjusted my rudder, somehow found the will to envision a sheet of bold white canvas tethered to a pole, and sailed into the warmth of a new day.",3.992487394957987,6.636361676190479,4.023182072829133,84.55332773109247,75.09523809523809,6.555742296918769,28.008403361344534,7.654269350097167,1.8317193277310928,2260,93,400,32,51,694,282,525,0.085,0.83,0.084,0.2972,1,0,1,0,0,0,59.0,0,0,2,2,16,22,5,0,47,0,26,9,8,1,5,75,53,27,0,9,8,0,9,8,1,5,1,4,1,5,15,33,0,1,15,3,1,10,3,10,0,2,25,30,56,12,76,16,10,82,0,2,16,0,18,50,0,5,26,265,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904638643375316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779855575712948,0.0,0.0,0.07978545985685084,0.06529850374890231,0.0,0.0,0.09378784957897764,0.07226095920816551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432735975491882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903736641526043,0.0,0.0,0.2034059571756847,0.0,0.0,0.05476659746153648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872368650958105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094005179360932,0.0,0.0,0.0877454173788224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0429382781764512,0.0,0.24461054645416214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311077548039308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24438999983699344,0.0,0.0,0.06791855779221395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607194937187388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692031743955488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362943426222415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667000094178109,0.13844283124458598,0.0,0.08991838418865061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319023299392276,0.0,0.0,0.07515183334138863,0.21393510705860805,0.0,0.0927005884551016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609590140285124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557973462765228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902568878273656,0.0,0.0,0.06549580550197713,0.08201659870471775,0.0,0.07969199144272135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508844752085322,0.06458574929089178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887307499238996,0.1482983400466955,0.08872368650958105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966579444302669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534104112885745,0.0,0.17718088126439702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549450214033037,0.0,0.2158581990973053,0.06537583067796629,0.0,0.0,0.06010705751660121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741726850795092,0.09903547256200207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434962830112546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884050743791984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008821989375432,0.20221745225037427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481053289541867,0.0,0.08186018252134354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097493054441405,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,shwoms,2020/04/15,"derealization?? I was wondering if anyone else experiences the feeling of derealization in the middle of the night? It happens to me when I wake up from a nightmare and also sometimes before I fall asleep or right in the morning. It's like the feeling of not knowing what is real or not and having invasive thoughts similar to hallucinations and feeling deeply terrified. I've been in therapy for more than a year and just finally heard this term that describes how I feel every night. It is so scary, do other people have experiences like this? I'm new here and looking to find people to relate to :(",6.9934362934362895,7.918629090090093,7.815907335907338,67.26972972972975,64.4054054054054,10.306821106821108,35.676962676962674,10.290406445055957,3.937215186615187,483,22,79,11,7,162,76,111,0.105,0.8140000000000001,0.081,-0.7763,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,0,7,2,2,1,0,21,18,12,0,1,6,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,5,2,15,14,2,14,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,4,9,59,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620661380804967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278368263522031,0.1873277746958443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555722345022029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272842339998588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403955686605925,0.0,0.0,0.35767959926702725,0.0,0.0,0.3697711159545662,0.0,0.0,0.20027794330664345,0.1671004834765034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616732326455312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047688835429064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863998648421714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352855819741518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657536886559333,0.0,0.3431413398474132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25349831856499616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809704939132828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561331821208875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082048878109186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907850501466635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145144144511048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826798493246664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773453577162885
ptsd,wearealonetogether,2020/04/15,"DAE struggle with feeling shame or embarrassment over their PTSD? Going to keep this short. I have PTSD from a laundry list of experiences starting from childhood until now (age 28) including child abuse/neglect, suicide attempt, repeated sexual trauma, abusive relationship, death of close friends, and two life-threatening hospitalizations of my sibling. It seems that that all of my experiences have made me more vulnerable to developing PTSD as seen by most recent traumas, but I don’t know. I struggle a lot thinking my lived experiences are not that bad and I just don’t handle things well. Some of my intrusive, obsessive thoughts even revolve around memories of my behavior during nervous breakdowns in response to traumas or the fact that I have continued to struggle with things for so long. And I think I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment over my PTSD diagnosis. Does anyone else feel the same way?",9.552222222222225,10.291959834394907,8.650276008492572,64.11487615003541,58.93630573248407,11.81854210898797,42.28520877565464,11.429527900616536,5.272539136588819,742,39,112,19,9,232,107,157,0.245,0.6990000000000001,0.055,-0.9841,0,0,0,0,1,1,19.0,0,0,1,1,6,15,0,9,5,0,6,0,0,1,2,30,19,10,2,0,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,1,8,0,0,1,3,13,1,1,3,4,15,2,23,16,7,17,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,7,9,78,23,0,0.0,0.14380032021096364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848627884230748,0.12435506859330675,0.0,0.10804256512832444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133656667576124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620927994924298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138674630011593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801619100917838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561613154282379,0.0,0.0,0.1841007529303145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937680200362686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897579313141848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078767695941055,0.0,0.0,0.06670025501358302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572526307549376,0.0,0.0,0.10716948672947872,0.10740617843273634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636415587087267,0.0,0.11484060658637575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5674871834832751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983549675432613,0.13030298349417085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048816701815507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590434933726829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38063813810388464,0.0,0.13275604979265193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126198806276265,0.1555344394575884,0.0,0.09635202294958248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855814735365232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633565717531398,0.0,0.0,0.10912371446049876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sushidonut,2020/04/15,"nightmares disguised as happy dreams    Sometimes there are nightmares of him that scare the shit out of me. I always prefer those because at least I wake up glad that he’s gone. But other times, there are dreams where I’m with him and everything is pure bliss. Those are hellish. I woke up from one of those this morning feeling like I was suffocating. My whole body hurt and my chest was filled with sand. It took everything in me not to full on panic. I feel the addictiveness of the extreme highs and lows of all of those years all at once all over again. I feel sick.
   On top of that, in the same dream, I found my best friend of 18 years relapsed and unconscious. It was horrifying. In reality. she’s been sober the longest she’s been and I’m SO proud of her. She’s the strongest person I know and still going strong, but that dream as a whole really took a toll on me. 
     I know I’ll be okay but I guess I just needed to type it out since I don’t want to talk about it out loud. Anyone else get/hate the happy dreams more than the nightmares?",1.8133265947888584,3.98346528773585,2.4848787061994635,95.2279559748428,80.08490566037736,5.5475292003593895,19.529200359389037,6.655083550727371,-0.04056675651392627,819,20,182,8,21,254,123,212,0.07400000000000001,0.723,0.20199999999999999,0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,4,8,15,2,2,10,1,11,6,4,0,4,31,27,12,0,3,5,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,14,11,0,0,7,5,0,5,2,6,0,1,10,5,24,9,33,16,10,29,1,2,0,0,10,19,1,1,6,120,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595551163722971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217840940442183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233902880802427,0.14996416195692505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922031980704408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359686157433838,0.0,0.0,0.16257409938078887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226585224411682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26307969616754795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201358932240192,0.10456034250529338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047730484243078,0.11307816160744763,0.0,0.07646759254070604,0.0,0.08318034101284831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123316530083745,0.0,0.0,0.311608056431793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546384542550098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668249987921898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087237872286528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150460178315551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852484239095332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586971044719752,0.09917801554845396,0.0,0.0,0.17172312266759132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277967979565986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376261771391643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653291470936222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023748458891148,0.12107134886050548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447547920148307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688410027474852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176394444637492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534428823382142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32522495886285635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632752215233494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268137057441933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885033975239083
ptsd,butterflyfrenchfry,2020/04/15,"(TW: shooting) It has almost been a year since the shooting and I’m starting to have nightmares about it again. I was barricaded in a classroom last year on my last day of class and a fellow classmate shot up my school killing 2 and injuring 4. After it all happened I was walking through a haze for a few days until I had a nervous breakdown, broke my sobriety and attempted suicide. The following months were pretty much a blur because I was drinking heavily and numbing myself. Graduation day was hard... there was no motivational speech, it was essentially a tribute to the students who died. It was sad. There was no post graduation celebration. It was just a really dark time where I felt completely directionless. I finally decided to get it together, got sober back in December and started going to therapy. 

I’ve been doing alright, and at first this quarantine stuff was really good for my mental health... not having to leave the house meant fewer panic attacks. The last couple days have been really rough on me though because things have started to come back to me. 

Last night I had a dream I was stuck in this building, there were other people there (I think we were all stuck in quarantine together), and one person came up to me and told me a shooter was coming and to find somewhere to hide. I ran all over the building looking for a place to hide and found a couple places that would be decent hiding spots, but then I remembered I passed a group of people playing video games and they needed to know that they needed to hide. So I ran down to tell them, but just as I get to them, the shooter walks through the door. I tried to run but he saw me... and then I woke up. 

I remember being terrified when it happened (in real life) and I remember the total uncertainty I felt... trying not to make a sound, trying not to even breathe, but then your brain just keeps saying “they’re going to find you, there’s no where to hide...” and just the uncertainty of not knowing where the shooter was, if they were headed towards you, how many shooters, what kind of gun they had, etc. A lot of the fear that I felt was drowned through booze after the fact. That was my coping mechanism at the time. Last night I felt that totally raw fear all over again. I had forgotten what it felt like. I woke up and almost threw up. I’m sober now, a little over 4 months, so I have to cope differently. 

I think maybe I’m having these dreams and memories because it’s almost the 1 year anniversary... that, plus everything else going on in the world right now. Just trying not to think about it. 

I didn’t have anyone to talk to about this so I decided to write it here. I’m not sure what I’m trying to get from writing this, but I just needed to let it out. If you read this, thanks for listening.",4.591146948289804,5.915949649350653,5.234137291280149,82.15226297512014,70.13172541743971,8.422453736739453,28.106227106227106,8.841846274778883,2.122487331715903,2187,77,423,39,39,705,248,539,0.127,0.8320000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.9908,1,2,1,7,0,1,73.0,1,4,6,3,31,16,2,4,33,1,40,9,3,3,8,85,90,36,4,6,19,0,7,1,1,1,4,4,1,1,32,23,2,1,20,7,0,14,10,9,0,2,45,13,50,7,70,41,10,81,0,2,2,0,24,30,0,7,37,301,82,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139753900850548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980467656347825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103278821702341,0.0,0.10954075670301253,0.0,0.13026083663200172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795146476439771,0.0,0.0814665155614375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271422262040585,0.07468180687168482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576261293546116,0.0,0.18374615599325547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392401646101368,0.07441870180604061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977688758633653,0.0,0.0,0.05950233548922242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943869078718369,0.04704580274840866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401565136318499,0.0,0.0,0.16030390169488182,0.0,0.0,0.34195301599307,0.07802742350396362,0.13020325630142127,0.06058699045261585,0.0,0.07809845722152567,0.0,0.0,0.11164197350031206,0.0,0.12144252380065305,0.05974315022474073,0.05696799916997693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259743892373919,0.0,0.06380681347701173,0.0,0.07310106853427085,0.07571264560728014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218821350004342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633112312025608,0.07880386607494294,0.07417360107067662,0.07829072528448168,0.2903039814081181,0.0,0.07542077750673239,0.0,0.07283604495685694,0.050310849786231376,0.03479868439333027,0.07138974568126742,0.0,0.0,0.05981406455767847,0.0,0.0,0.06055598825132046,0.0,0.0,0.04754562765284193,0.07221459640914682,0.07155867847452174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178165157967822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370793978259178,0.0,0.05236119910636364,0.1584452599561922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368638704761196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826632658264062,0.0,0.0,0.08357138701182677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876185232204512,0.062194045245595575,0.14883740361208125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821728651702509,0.0724650690399159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124785157496585,0.08107371353380481,0.13689254930530992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420642746570006,0.06082881481219935,0.0,0.05664382262892585,0.0,0.07208712173620536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892101421455661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124785834784174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153967835920822,0.07791250139937926,0.0,0.06713209002875001,0.0,0.0,0.05725083138726146,0.06225691504731765,0.06557770302171388,0.08145608441453278,0.0,0.047321100960109004,0.13692118646364426,0.06998171438151643,0.0,0.08306791107035517,0.0,0.0,0.06806195690733206,0.0,0.2417976380631231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059873682134587,0.0,0.0,0.13760660308404582
ptsd,outofnothinatall,2020/04/15,"Any tips of getting rid of nightmares? So I escaped my mom (abuser) almost a year ago and obviously it's been a roller coaster, but some months ago I was starting to be fine, since I started anti depressant and I slept well, having pleasant and funny dreams. But here in January I had to go back to that haunted apartment of my mom's, with my sis and bro-in-law, to pick up the last of my things I couldn't bring with me back then and let's just say, it wasn't quite nice to go back there. Anyways since then till now, I've had nightmares of my mom, the family, that disgusting apartment and my middle school friends almost every night and it's been making my PTSD worse, not to talk about the flashbacks.. This lock down doesn't help either, with me staying at home almost 24/7.

Any tips/advice?",5.947106918238994,5.674046352201259,5.8459119496855365,84.61654088050315,66.61006289308176,8.324528301886794,29.616352201257854,7.3871296695380915,1.6047786163522022,626,19,128,5,9,196,99,159,0.149,0.731,0.12,-0.7158,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,1,0,5,0,11,1,1,2,1,23,19,13,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,7,10,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,2,1,0,7,1,15,5,20,9,2,26,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,4,15,82,22,1,0.0,0.1568607983206506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293702206373949,0.2347119383330919,0.0,0.3977091366646192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005982049600766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30539979219545105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402752882927936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154449605643904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480574581413235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022843791881518,0.0,0.06916844172078868,0.0,0.1504808606757114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873839429555276,0.0,0.13279821577071038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079157241122267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353780009296509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837152028779005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651615842083964,0.10567263493449212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423928180568708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475711825142593,0.0,0.0,0.14081332772749125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528204101499324,0.0,0.13398600156283108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902916672202652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874130015356196,0.14111039203253115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641026856083187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795419978616842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190347346993147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491697575425546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525498078720294
ptsd,indigo-ld,2020/04/15,"Does anyone else see distorted versions of who/what traumatized you? Not necessarily hallucinations, but seeing it in your mind's eye. Especially at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. I'll see him distorted into a monstrosity. Glaring, evil eyes and a contorted grin with fangs. Almost like a gargoyle. I know he's not there, but I still panic because I think he's going to hurt me. Sometimes it'll happen during the day and I'll have debilitating waking nightmares. Luckily my boyfriend is usually there to talk to me and keep me calm, and they eventually pass, leaving me exhausted. Does anyone else experience this, and what do you do when it happens?",5.333250000000003,7.6539324916666684,6.494999999999997,69.87,69.91666666666666,9.466666666666667,31.16666666666667,9.888512548439397,3.5040666666666667,529,23,87,14,10,177,84,120,0.192,0.7020000000000001,0.106,-0.9127,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,1,0,5,7,1,1,4,0,5,5,4,0,0,16,15,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,5,13,3,9,14,1,12,0,1,5,0,8,3,0,1,7,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891312032536038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358961931590855,0.3456743270672644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282848117700527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878752181830584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29523381547738003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28182844251768896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500576994397684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586726598419183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983342218753911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058020330391572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499344986796937,0.0,0.0,0.09270456776651333,0.0,0.0,0.17861248708502844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824107066017035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032321812140827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829893876295725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979148687773125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40325902503962346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683324424491866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471162769856224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355821793384666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080861908233064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452567563861245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578210118962535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thedog1234,2020/04/15,"I get violent when people touch me? There were times where there was playful jabbers towards me, I told them to stop and they wouldn’t, this was possibly a trigger and I uncontrollably get violent. I either slap or push them away. There was a time I even punched my own mother unintentionally, she was shocked and I didn’t mean to.

I have a feeling I was raped as a child by an older woman, It was at my cousins house and there are bits and pieces of my memory there, I do have a very clear memory where she was staring at me predatory. But that is all I remember.

This is just one of my many symptoms, but I don’t want to make this long. One more thing I suppose I can mention is I tend to dissociate a lot and I get the feeling I will never be happy. Everyday I stay up late and sometimes just stare at nothing and think about my life and the people in it, or I listen to music and it makes me feel better. I worry if I would be violent towards the person I love? I don’t know, anyone who has dealt with sexual assault, do you feel this way too? Currently I’m on antidepressants and they do help, but the thoughts still linger.",3.417010230179032,4.585825013043479,4.7699488491048605,84.96177749360616,72.78260869565217,8.020460358056267,26.572890025575447,8.4952907291091,1.6821611253196935,883,30,187,15,17,294,131,230,0.136,0.7659999999999999,0.098,-0.8954,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,4,1,15,11,5,1,11,0,27,4,0,3,3,41,46,19,0,4,9,2,5,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,10,12,0,1,9,1,0,1,5,7,0,2,11,8,38,4,20,30,7,25,0,0,2,2,18,11,0,4,11,145,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827157043966176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548243975258165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694825694001742,0.16905117590617955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227398906350868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131781394300641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24270114037294566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648359087656087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378967129418408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867091127352666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850990344913403,0.0,0.17467246295272235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937195244238666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370333903696343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316441025199639,0.139754104807418,0.0,0.20672114061222574,0.1569890279664661,0.0,0.1686721385651403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942639166439575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857842865663745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985462968705326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470073873100964,0.13520511356304926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456502964705084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754097605074426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314615394203787,0.0,0.0,0.16504469481913814,0.12365981232745142,0.12945776734058512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609437585839941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287246639087444,0.09921874080764168,0.0,0.12293002661874634,0.1805833067355916,0.0,0.0,0.14796150622845808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776375010543606,0.09133188485823428,0.12290914646485987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725311654962432,0.0,0.10999779691225964,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Cipra_lex_sed_lex,2020/04/15,"Twisted sense of time? Like, feeling like I'm not connected with yesterday me or any other twist? I wonder if someone feels the same. The question may be odd. It came up in my therapy that I don't feel connection of time. Like I live only one day, today. There's no sense of being me yesterday or that I will be tomorrow. I've read that it can be connected to past traumas which I have. 

That feeling of not connected to my past comes up with a bad productivity in life. I feel like I can't do any task which takes more than one day. Because it has no sense, if I live only one day, today, there's absolutely no sense in doing something for two days, because it's just not me! I hope my explaining is clear at least.

Thanks for reading this! I hope you're doing well there... 

And does anyone feel something similar?",2.3022764227642303,4.295391341463418,3.9276585365853687,86.37669105691059,77.65853658536584,7.300162601626017,24.95772357723577,8.238735603445708,1.5758582113821142,636,23,131,12,15,212,92,164,0.12,0.752,0.128,-0.4471,0,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,3,0,15,1,0,0,1,27,30,5,0,4,8,0,6,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,9,2,0,2,8,2,1,4,1,6,16,8,17,23,3,21,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,9,17,86,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678311625908881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628348057294237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030330471643948,0.15044582346435525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113563218971129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062973497076763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183286987275171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798733477245626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743655855316592,0.17631260304765162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451261875521141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716039395629299,0.24114615863343525,0.0,0.2179272328440452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508551569477185,0.18770106671818093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23559670033792526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823517021750645,0.0,0.2468648746025757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455560933920448,0.18999722524813986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278072371271001,0.0,0.0,0.11360926031675996,0.14111756088148464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390994953935188,0.0,0.23393572964032375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054293517854045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095055997641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382099911511214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,blacksheepgrit,2020/04/15,Resurfacing PTSD Anyone else's PTSD resurfacing during this quarantine?,12.771999999999998,17.695544199999997,9.55,44.405,57.0,16.0,40.0,13.023866798666859,8.857999999999997,62,3,5,3,1,18,8,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519442080522684,0.3691905469548204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010012277257839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8423898841840913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,G1bs0nNZ,2020/04/15,"How many of you suffer with psychogenic tremors? What are your experiences? Treatments? I'm interested as I've been experiencing a teeth chattering for a few months now, and it's not too pleasant, especially when in summer I was getting asked ""how are you cold?"" by colleagues.

When I was younger I used to get one causing neck spasms, and have struggled through my life with twitching/sniffing/nose clearing",7.357499999999997,9.093840861111113,6.251000000000001,75.89399999999998,64.0,8.537777777777778,39.4,8.841846274778883,3.621013333333334,330,18,55,5,5,99,60,72,0.136,0.825,0.038,-0.7822,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,6,3,2,4,1,10,11,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,2,7,2,9,8,1,6,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,37,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32179606459219684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536052773748662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33670989464111245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35967794349377963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431303713896492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34898161568152425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747504141428682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332500833818761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35984993828778633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29729263245103443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,peach444,2020/04/15,"ptsd from relationships i must say it’s really comforting to see all of these posts and realize i’m not the only one dealing with some dark thoughts. 
this might be long so if you aren’t into long posts, keep scrolling😖
i’m a female in my mid 20s. i was in a super emotionally/mentally/physically abusive relationship for a really long time in my late teenage years to my early 20s. i left that relationship after a physical fight almost costed me my life. at that moment a switch went off in my brain and i left and never looked back. of course he begged for me back but i felt too
liberated and strong to go back to that mess of a relationship. 
let’s fast forward a couple years: i’m in a new beautiful relationship with who i believe is my other half, my soulmate. he is everything i could dream of. there’s a problem tho: i keep having past fears from my past relationship coming to haunt me. then there’s those times where i’ll be stuck in a day dream wondering why a certain event (with my ex) happened to me and why he would ever lie to me or abuse me. i’m able to snap out of it sometimes, and then other times i feel as though i’m stuck in a loop having day dreams questioning why certain things happen. does this happen to anyone else with ptsd? i hate how there’s a small part of me that wants closure and to ask him why he did that stuff to me just because i want validation for my feelings..
yes, i have opened up to my s/o and he does so much to help me feel better. he’s seriously an angel. but i feel like it’s too deep of a feeling for anyone to help me, does that make sense?
apologies for the long post, i’ve clearly been really deep in my thoughts lately.",3.509563953488372,4.5940839912790725,4.835120930232559,84.90522790697679,72.45930232558139,8.062139534883721,25.097209302325567,8.488131031819089,1.4529685116279059,1319,39,282,22,25,439,182,344,0.10400000000000001,0.7340000000000001,0.162,0.9688,1,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,0,1,0,3,16,13,2,1,17,1,16,2,1,2,7,52,47,20,0,7,6,1,6,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,18,16,0,2,11,3,1,4,3,6,0,2,9,9,37,7,47,31,4,56,1,0,2,0,24,22,0,7,30,173,55,0,0.07412776735711141,0.17565856571191332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422825127433721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036637169850638,0.07595265767162537,0.0,0.0,0.06929945596585811,0.0,0.0,0.17099903239083172,0.0,0.04518759895183363,0.0,0.0,0.08351660942282417,0.0,0.06555998629824672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275110389509831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385450785706026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918499040332612,0.08202096464797501,0.0,0.09561255501629927,0.07642247320583999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460912625725169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192423775951428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705280946927987,0.0,0.0,0.06662125751454002,0.0,0.0,0.08341434702281286,0.18740613232976644,0.052956891811348654,0.07117428144908122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04212851846411552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665281958954736,0.0,0.0,0.07318582354606995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937255982639563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177633118434715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672387007142003,0.0,0.16108007225684315,0.07580066443254194,0.052358634302851835,0.036215082792526575,0.0,0.0,0.2624029657849657,0.0622486550247008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049480860322418836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863784685195573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449243825770544,0.0,0.057171904017706124,0.07159305963285384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050230893602876636,0.05637750740021101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027314834955653,0.1415266833481467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298173096185333,0.0,0.0,0.07093026218710079,0.17330278639908994,0.0,0.0830400643764911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424644377567913,0.0,0.0,0.4775128835942066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894937587309813,0.0,0.0,0.05907023322922472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331425735828655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485855871093498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924719480005175,0.0,0.0728301550611299,0.1176983342591654,0.12967349179693727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744495554290224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871718299436401,0.2675551208125821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038840161993709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265823910094486,0.0,0.0,0.09547170360732024
ptsd,letmeletyouletmego,2020/04/15,PTSD and CCW in California. I am a OIF combat veteran with a 80 percent combined rating with 70 percent of it being PTSD for my combat experiences. I was wondering what the requirements are for getting a CCW in my state. I just recently purchased a handgun and would like to eventually get my CCW.,5.587500000000002,7.075185607142856,7.359285714285718,67.2357142857143,67.92857142857143,10.6,37.214285714285715,10.686352973137794,4.6181214285714285,238,13,39,7,4,83,40,56,0.09,0.863,0.047,-0.3182,0,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,8,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031972111348613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238792536532745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142922830985456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7246457880189451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30604493107724845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33613491075276003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018440650527585,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FatGabe_,2020/04/15,"I need to talk about last night I've been volenteering as a firefighter even in the mists of COVID-19 outbreak . I know it's dangerous but we got to protect our neighbors and loved ones. About a month ago I was in Nashville when the tornadoes happened and saw first hand of the damage. I was there for 2 weeks after school helping . 

Last night I was driving off the clock and was right infront of a roll over crash . Girl ran a red light and guy had the right away. He flipped 3 times and watching it was like out of a movie. I ran up with a tryna kit I keep in the car and he was stuck in the truck. I had to break through his windshield to get him out . 

After 2 minutes I got in and pulled him out . He had glass in his face and blood was Everywhere. Looking at him I realized I went to school with him and he was my teachers kid. I layed him down and looked for DNR signs (do not resuscitate) and he didn't have any so I proceeded to begin CPR. He woke up to tell me to call his dad and as I called the EMT came in to get him.  .

He did not make it. The lady was under the influence. I feel so ashamed when I was in the class and the teacher wasn't there . I cried in class and feel guilty that I couldn't save him . Hunter I'm so sorry buddy. 

I have flashbacks to that night and I haven't been able to work since that night until I'm cleared. 

If you got this far thank you for listening.  I appreciate it.",1.1522345559845526,2.992960179054055,2.3261003861003893,97.21445945945948,80.6554054054054,5.715057915057916,21.044401544401552,6.7097532225279775,0.09767799227799268,1087,31,260,11,28,346,155,296,0.091,0.8079999999999999,0.10099999999999999,0.4828,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,2,2,0,2,10,7,1,1,18,0,23,4,3,2,1,38,50,25,0,3,4,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,8,22,0,2,4,0,0,7,6,3,0,2,28,10,37,4,48,21,0,50,0,1,5,1,33,23,0,1,20,163,45,5,0.13080308954069378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115949046671015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895058631673627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289380839788824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671291581663821,0.14960388809389852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368105182054858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639420700831017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132275944529733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126104114252487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667843117316833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138455393859789,0.0,0.0,0.1295156234777293,0.11566874009699847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767455370833449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626379602269706,0.0,0.0,0.07188595721524853,0.21324395206293245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639037824303236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968330322854568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805489520405466,0.0,0.0873120779710493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440577813711543,0.0,0.0,0.09698883349449501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49099935475859796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886355586833388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341024754362707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647594197176981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820166734989288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642334973413673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513456863983968,0.11432766563811425,0.12042591089975767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627233340176043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049223485088112,0.0,0.0,0.12125577446430047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522620704290273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,QuitePunderful,2020/04/15,"Can disturbing imagery cause PTSD My therapist has suggested to me I might have PTSD due to being exposed to hundreds of crime scene photos as a young child is this possible as many friends with PTSD seem to disagree, I was wondering you guys's opinions on it?",3.7518367346938746,6.499444183673472,4.125877551020409,82.93697959183675,76.55102040816327,8.001632653061224,32.248979591836736,8.841846274778883,3.180498775510204,211,11,37,5,5,66,42,49,0.19899999999999998,0.743,0.057999999999999996,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,6,9,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,9,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,4,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048587119017926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582391318747472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125191198945937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176028483911038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276903077484234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196498425858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7526788883822305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539263182452973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492039376970567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327589149116196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lardylards,2020/04/15,"Do I have ptsd? Hey, first time here. For a long time a have been going through family issues. When I was younger maybe though 2-9 my dad used to hit me and my mom. My mom being really young thought this was normal, growing up in a 3rd world country. 

I remember once my dad slapped my moms face when I was 7. And I got really angry and was sick of tired of all of this and punched him really badly. My mom and me ran out and hid in my neighbor's house for a few days. And our neighbor called DCF. But they thought I was angry but I was just trying to protect my mom so it was a waste of time and the hitting continued.

And some other memories too. Like when my dad slapped me when I was 8 and I jumped on him kicking him while he choked me. But I swore to him if he lays a finger on anybody on my family I will kill him. Said 9 year old me! It subsided and now I don't talk to him. Mom and Dad are going to get a divorce soon.

But now when someone gets mad at me, or if someone talks about family abuse I start crying. Like bawling my face off and being scared for no reason. I might just be a cry baby or I don't know. And I don't want to ask my doctor because I don't want to worry my mother even more. And is there any way to cope with it? Thanks!",0.5581318681318699,2.123061413919416,2.6731956043956053,95.3468043956044,81.38095238095238,5.833201465201466,19.71120879120879,6.742157984588678,0.02093389010989055,958,24,232,10,25,324,145,273,0.191,0.746,0.063,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,4,0,26.0,1,0,1,1,17,7,2,1,9,0,23,6,3,2,1,39,41,31,1,5,10,11,1,2,2,2,3,1,2,0,6,17,0,1,5,0,0,5,5,4,0,1,14,2,44,3,27,20,4,36,0,0,0,0,30,10,0,6,22,155,50,1,0.0,0.111770848497413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415063270298668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818993781853192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876529081818376,0.0575053798935205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632597838517752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724383645764816,0.06083788944687124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655526447862056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230698718186094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667902546017113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802407997522448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985716699538004,0.0,0.107224836673109,0.0,0.0754478441582141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884924192776098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846061371468706,0.0,0.0,0.10436704629465886,0.0,0.051843723900787286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217405403988747,0.0,0.0,0.08348298306762883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477159283064307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000738999664575,0.0,0.6628999152368671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242769132256716,0.0,0.0,0.09898809305513227,0.10046306640173537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027187546640947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812991131317601,0.0969914833996672,0.0,0.0,0.10686249553367697,0.0,0.08973362492720552,0.0,0.09444519976492433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985847653588076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677037993349759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164484859460248,0.0,0.08685044919821287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926830774735008,0.1497819663227143,0.16502145679062696,0.10842352551716454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404687115648319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147464078838257,0.0,0.0,0.1112817566081934,0.07487826263004245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958011710199445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074826625411753
ptsd,stjordanxx,2020/04/16,"Online video therapy opinions Hi all! Hoping to get some feedback on video therapy. My PTSD has been not so great during quarantine and adding a breakup on top  of it I really need to talk to someone and help myself. If you feel like sharing What websites you use for it... if you found it beneficial,..any other input would also be appreciated. Thank you!!",3.337467532467535,6.095062227272727,4.714415584415587,78.05590909090911,78.24242424242424,7.40779220779221,26.095238095238088,8.418075326091056,2.244032900432901,281,11,48,6,7,93,54,66,0.053,0.701,0.24600000000000002,0.9207,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,14,11,6,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,7,5,7,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,5,1,33,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252791830270075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371845149345554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217305793304674,0.17199205382438915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26397026435385834,0.0,0.0,0.1257820888585628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654280424015221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613698432228051,0.0,0.0,0.23911935797258976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176184299315718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851328798816102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814242032222265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423079923204286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398693772617166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350596200520376,0.0,0.22165051933432367,0.5506378717608775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793095038700232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102209710514754,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LolaFrisbeePirate,2020/04/16,"Feeling awful after an unexpected panic attack I had a panic attack this evening, with the existential fear of death attached to it. I've not had a panic attack like that in about 10yrs (I've had some small ones related to anxiety in the past 12months but not like this one). 

I managed some grounding techniques to calm down and took my tablets and it passed but now I can't sleep. 

When I was googling about fear of death it came up that this can be related to PTSD. I didn't even realise. 

I do have PTSD, and I've been to counselling, therapy, I take my meds etc. 

I had a really good therapist but I can't see him anymore due to budget related matters at the centre I went to. I was even offering to see him privately but it's not possible. 

I've been doing really well recently and this just came out of the blue. I don't even know what triggered it. 

Eugh. I feel sick with anxiety even as I type.",1.8498907103825104,4.005117404371589,3.721448087431696,86.48960382513663,79.8743169398907,7.3453551912568305,24.92076502732241,8.344100000000001,1.7335551912568303,707,27,145,15,18,238,100,183,0.193,0.7140000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9511,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,11,13,3,5,8,1,17,2,1,1,0,24,27,10,2,0,8,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,9,0,0,3,0,1,5,7,8,1,2,13,5,18,5,23,13,3,19,0,0,3,0,3,8,0,2,8,103,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574289087263334,0.0,0.11391526001419525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920267152640038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627500233939857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810488897723402,0.3793363962955744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585102212252649,0.1161584366638743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634335046122623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312682504665446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122345183835934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758917112064552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556710551731716,0.0,0.0,0.4043081456429581,0.0,0.0,0.1096516832158428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949308005268614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26854218278979725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717097891712771,0.0,0.11341537504539899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830651393307513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494799969912416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636421911249509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135819015949152,0.13336717109101826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761929202469655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327747067512953,0.10648104799640627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,metalgirl00,2020/04/16,How can I stop binge eating? Last time I weighed myself I was 246 pounds (I’m 19 and a girl). I’ve been eating a lot lately and I’m afraid to weigh myself. I’m so tired of eating all the time and I really want to lose weight. It seems impossible for me to stop eating constantly. What can I do to stop?,-1.5022727272727252,0.4739305909090952,1.2870303030303027,97.59054545454543,99.15151515151516,4.458181818181818,11.145454545454543,6.2581,-1.0769345454545451,233,3,56,3,10,80,42,66,0.213,0.763,0.025,-0.9016,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,0,5,8,0,1,1,11,10,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,7,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,8,0,6,8,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856748953496616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7032533971054374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005511276455762,0.19381889436381264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222109333197798,0.0,0.14607405179167732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007141167789487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641722433111244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309441953575345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037764545363385,0.19748023539577747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134307746136992,0.0,0.0,0.20922879863118649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,flowerbrainnoodle,2020/04/16,"relationship making my anxiety worse, I think I have ptsd? I'm very new to this so bear with me and thank you for taking time.
I've been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now. it's been interesting. breaking down some walls only to build more. but his behaviour has always been neglectful and narcissistic, but I never saw it only till recently when he ruined a huge event for me and I was really mad. 
I think the relationship is making my anxiety overall worse. 
I think I have ptsd. I was raped by my best friend of ten years and she cut off all ties with me soon afterwards. only recognised that this trauma existed and stopped making excuses and everything fell apart. now I shut down if people talk about sex, my views on relationships are heavily damaged, I can't even hug my mother or brother without feeling my body tense up. and my partner is an affectionate person, he asks for a hug or a kiss or to come cuddle with him and I freeze and my heart rate rises and I get anxious. 
I have read up a lot on ""fawning"" and I think i relate to it to the t. 

i haven't been diagnosed or spoken to anyone yet, I've only been looking into this the last week or so. and I'm having so many realizations and crying so much when I read more about ptsd and assault and verbal abuse and emotional abuse, it's all overwhelming. 

I have a friend who I trust immensely and they've offered a space for me to stay in which i know is safe and will help me to be there, but my fight flight freeze won't let me move. won't let me speak up in fear of being brushed aside or yelled at or have to deal with my partner cracking a tantrum over me wanting to stay at my friend house, who is also a man. so theres a lot of projections my partner is pushing on me, (ealousy over spending time with people like friends especially if they were men) and has been for years and I never knew because I grew up in a dysfunctional household w a narcissist father. 

I just would like to hear if anyone has any tips? any advice? I live with my partner and feel unable to make decisions that will help me get into a space where I can finally slow down and feel safe and heal. I want to be better",4.7260176125244655,5.196232792237447,5.678294194390088,82.21366438356166,69.2511415525114,8.905544683626877,28.19993476842792,8.942964678507748,2.022357860404436,1705,55,352,29,28,563,218,438,0.17800000000000002,0.677,0.145,-0.9653,0,0,0,0,3,0,35.0,0,1,1,2,20,29,6,2,18,0,37,10,2,4,4,76,63,46,0,6,15,3,5,2,8,5,2,3,0,7,12,33,0,4,10,2,1,6,7,12,0,2,11,12,54,17,54,42,9,60,0,4,3,6,37,28,0,13,25,242,66,3,0.0,0.19584369515388592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076059258830579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609187641578193,0.06876798866193752,0.0,0.0,0.11240405815925622,0.0,0.12644773639816612,0.09336631458980524,0.0,0.11557583489004115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772627367956882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038015833724165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673174701630705,0.0730935603330842,0.0,0.09180093599812396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119210338691379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078261298757356,0.0,0.0852042682050402,0.0,0.08388382349048425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296548559696577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545868210165904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427678345526435,0.0,0.0,0.09299958634859944,0.12536471296305388,0.0,0.0,0.0905345164152956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25540799219675664,0.0,0.08635811725849234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314790769696846,0.09793575985481427,0.11079157588716447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536224355640194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045420011549357694,0.06736741876113296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902201332937264,0.0,0.08075319988692467,0.0,0.07297782180893311,0.0,0.06940172014378522,0.0,0.0,0.14052513504063413,0.0,0.0,0.2206670533978654,0.08378994551442208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783948585392032,0.06075422751564818,0.0,0.12748318758532926,0.07981990111922953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514236485553645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459248734261987,0.07216319029084667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898258157634541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533648038860654,0.0,0.05294506382354864,0.0,0.08160283113604433,0.35492296177972776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617901283259094,0.0,0.06909565217642727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213941262912723,0.06642762379249967,0.0,0.07608921791958367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182455854322987,0.0,0.0,0.09638294872060407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681915022898253,0.09749335676676192,0.0,0.06629353584019687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966767432017234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844641461462012,0.058709258407240075,0.0,0.0,0.1596637016360378
ptsd,anlyng,2020/04/16,"Hey you. Out there in the cold. I can feel you and there is hope for you. Hey guys. Firstly im sorry for my broken English. Its not my native language.

I want to share my story with you. It may help some of you. Also you can help me with your precious advices.

Im 30 years old male. I've had depression, obsessive disorder, ptsd and anxiety since childhood. These ruin my life. Last year i broke up with my 9 year old relationship because of my problems. Also im stuck about my career because i have social anxiety. And my physical health effected a lot too.

I spent a year to recover myself after my relationship ended. After some time i've started to feel alive slowly. 4 months ago, i went to a party with my friends and took some mdma pills. Everything started that day.

Maybe some of you know the feeling the day after mdma. I was so depressive and started to feel guilty about my ex. It was not something like pain of love. I felt like she is dead because of me. It got worse and worse for days. I had muscle pain in my all body and couldnt sleep for 2 days. At last night i was like crazy. I paced at home all night and tried to escape from this thinking: she is dead. I had sweat, high heart rate and shaking too.

At morning i wanted to check online that what is going on with me. I realized that i have ptsd first time. Before that i didnt know that sickness i have. I knew that i had depression and anxiety because of my mother. My mother attempted to suicide many times when i was child. I was the one who try to help her every time she attempted. I was 8 years old.

Then i've remembered some old memories from my childhood. Like flashbacks. As i searched the ptsd, i realized that is the reason for everything i felt guilt all my life. I realized that i put my girlfriend in my mother's shoes. I lay on my bed and start to think about my life. I tried to think good things about myself to calm down. I was feeling better.

I dont know about you but i felt like hypnotized all my life. After an hour sun was shining. I got up. I was feeling like totally free first time in my life. It was amazing. I just learned about ptsd and i was like fully healthy. The day was brighter. I had full of positive feelings about me. I was feeling like myself first time in my life.

I decided to take a shower. The water felt a little bit hot at first. I turned it into cold a bit. Then a bit more and more... I didnt get cold even. It was strange. I used to take hot shower. But this time i was feeling so relax and i thought getting cold is half fear...

I took a notebook with me and threw myself out of home. The weather was nice and i was feeling superb. Guys, i was like enlightened. I went a place to eat breakfast. There was no any social phobia at all. I was feeling light and smiling all the time. Called one of my friend and started to talk about the night. He said ur voice sounds different too. I was so focus and positive. My breathing was deep and all muscles were relax. I was laughing to things that i stressed about before. The most important thing that i was feeling complete. I was comfortable thinking about the future. My self confidence was high. I was feeling mature. I took notes to do about my life. I was like newborn. lol.

Before that i was definitely materialist guy. I didnt know anything about spiritualism. But it was different. I felt deep connection with people around. I was looking the people like some of them suffering and wanted to talk them. I thought im seeing my real self first time and note it. My all fears has gone. I was calm and peaceful.

The night i slept early. I was exciting about the day after. I was feeling healthy. I woke up early morning and took shower. Generally i dont wake up easliy. I hate my life lol. Anyway. It was same! I wasnt getting cold. I called some of my relatives. First time i've spoken to them intimate and close. I made plans about the future days. I decided to change my life on some ways. I had only one problem. If my ex-gf saw me like this, she would return me. Guys i was still loving her.

I decided to write her. It was a stupid idea. I sent her an email and learned that she is engaged.

Guys. Everything came back. Like in a moment. I was same old me as concept. I felt all depression in my body. My all fears came back. My breath got shorter. I detached from the moment. I detached from myself. It was 2 days journey.

I have started read about my experience since. I read a lot of spiritual books like Zen, Buddhism etc. I found Eckhart Tolle. The guy who had experience as me.

They say if you get enlightened you cant go back. But its not like this. I know im precious and life is all miraculous. But the problem is i dont feel it deeply. I know that there is no reason to be anxious about people but i cant change my body respond. I don't feel confidence. I dont feel everything is ok inside me. After months i realized that was not a spiritual experience.

I found an article about memory re-consolidation. I believe most of you already know it. Also you can find a lot of online material easily. Shortly, you must remember the traumatic story and feelings. It makes the old memory labile. So you can change the feelings about your story. But there is one important point. Long time memory needs time to make these new memory traces stabile in your brain. The process was same as i did. I felt the all things deeply after my mdma experience and changed them. I guess i disturbed the process at second day.

Nowadays i feel so depressed and anxious about everything. Im not happy at all. Its harder than before. I saw my best version once and hate these pessimistic feelings more. But i wanted to share my story with you because memory re-consolidation can help you some way. Its magical. It can be hope for you. I like the lyric; ''this is not us, this is what is left from us''

Thank you for reading. Its good to share. You can share your advices too. I want to try microdose lsd or psilocybin. What is your opinions about it?",0.8399080175873763,3.3715035121951225,2.479440280631525,90.68965493287628,89.57190916736755,5.499613546113636,21.48662848260957,7.038699335229291,0.7966054933940878,4672,166,946,74,158,1525,392,1189,0.124,0.705,0.17,0.9969,5,0,1,0,0,2,168.0,2,24,5,14,46,70,3,8,44,3,96,32,12,7,15,181,196,57,3,16,18,4,30,16,3,3,15,4,6,11,53,46,3,0,62,6,3,16,20,24,0,13,88,45,198,47,120,102,41,137,1,8,5,2,88,38,0,22,97,638,251,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138133660109685,0.027840511556944485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034658531277358975,0.07534877313658979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021357914510280688,0.0,0.07207906871611859,0.07096219826240581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02584537875574152,0.02795899014757947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245039604282573,0.0,0.09572742589566413,0.0,0.10690056305522568,0.03538506238449348,0.032959828469485496,0.02777704005373583,0.10286530232364624,0.10465867025372463,0.0,0.035060726171116836,0.06414034982304964,0.07184274291205868,0.0,0.0,0.13289824867466432,0.0,0.03292976147509478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822949125112089,0.0,0.13525450629938365,0.0,0.0,0.0656274989160245,0.035995273619398624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472356147618271,0.0,0.0,0.03213731840825588,0.0,0.0,0.027817380871454536,0.0,0.03502723419654662,0.0207441025840636,0.0,0.026461848115844244,0.0,0.14113344456732418,0.122888736146781,0.0,0.1060252048147937,0.333487990761694,0.04487449702241702,0.2110902830774245,0.0,0.02870553320069737,0.1870041258198916,0.0,0.06887255880930765,0.048530116722761404,0.0,0.06563568311964152,0.0,0.035698773317577134,0.052685594231849465,0.0753574144612183,0.0,0.034598476931351936,0.18658788402809529,0.0,0.03343345685722516,0.0,0.0620160456640972,0.0,0.03338429351046406,0.0,0.03721758129968826,0.08420610590072282,0.0663666806051855,0.06300779222672898,0.06238870156350002,0.03092968080062352,0.0,0.0,0.03545480880973311,0.20355043559404207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082369938048035,0.051201979510027966,0.0,0.0,0.03412392124810931,0.0,0.2218377343114418,0.2455028713889214,0.031478179164718685,0.0,0.027794307558538147,0.02637406566935996,0.0,0.0,0.08010361556051243,0.056692293186468526,0.02971817065132582,0.04192898493958022,0.03184188404626093,0.03155266740784254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013771749388199,0.0,0.0,0.023287977066852882,0.0,0.03033318640343372,0.0,0.11789379562036695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773889733518984,0.03344755138399468,0.085129093053478,0.0238865254495535,0.06683876730699947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532121495248404,0.0,0.03281374945801225,0.0,0.029689874398668888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015709940039016,0.14685294219960152,0.03157282426489131,0.0,0.0,0.09424683960878244,0.03574817161501448,0.0,0.06458348806212026,0.0,0.06743897328588412,0.07115627540357101,0.0,0.02987535756297568,0.02497619763556243,0.0,0.0,0.0250274035587401,0.0,0.06552893906106914,0.0,0.0,0.051960578492421416,0.0,0.03142979583395387,0.06403119504710472,0.0,0.024178730763678977,0.0,0.03515769277556987,0.133380701609717,0.0,0.025081761804106373,0.0,0.03597674296409103,0.0,0.0,0.03435428512619846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472284821166011,0.050487697092614775,0.0,0.028915450884844436,0.0,0.0,0.0834619639041475,0.08049764192916195,0.0,0.04986748060168915,0.219764888855545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395778370501044,0.08529347513340703,0.034161921243305464,0.0,0.0,0.0755577821524666,0.02712566251327226,0.0,0.0,0.09262364781325856,0.0498590104117971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822941864969211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401306468499764,0.022310712665680656,0.0,0.0,0.1011257584403221
ptsd,danaelaut,2020/04/16,"Online Survey About PTSD and Youth Resilience in Canadian Military Families. **We're looking for fathers who are active members of the Canadian Armed Forces with PTSD or those experiencing PTSD symptoms and their children (age 11-18) to take part in a study on military family resilience.** 

**You will be asked to fill out a brief, online questionnaire about your PTSD symptoms and your child will be asked to fill out a questionnaire about their well-being, strengths, and relationship with you. You will be entered to win one of 5, $50 Amazon gift cards for your participation.** 

**For more information or to volunteer for this study please contact Danae Laut, Doctoral Candidate in Counselling Psychology at The University of Calgary Werklund School of Education at:** 

**Danae.laut2@ucalgary.ca or 403-771-0964 or connect via direct message.** 

**As supervised by Dr. Sharon Robertson, PhD., R.Psych sroberts@ucalgary.ca or 403-220-6542**

Link to survey: [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/DTDRH6G](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/DTDRH6G)",7.142884615384617,11.192558288461543,5.66025641025641,65.16807692307694,84.7051282051282,8.041025641025639,31.0,8.384062270229773,3.7937769230769214,847,39,110,22,26,250,105,156,0.0,0.8959999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,0,6,2,2,3,2,0,0,5,0,7,5,1,0,0,15,11,10,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,2,29,5,2,14,0,0,1,0,18,8,0,5,2,64,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906757059516075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912399055898555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931152446474287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055060455855144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534642916814313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835236107020227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065278594872746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7269163816344303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691015415777252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733786682348758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231732421440016,0.1168895795210674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978080558443542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Billie_Eilish_Fan_14,2020/04/16,"Night terrors from PTSD Hi everyone. My brother has very severe PTSD from years of abuse and other events.

His father abused him for many years. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. He currently lives with his verbally abusive mother because he dropped out of school and can’t get a job because of his disabilities. These are only few of the very very very many struggles he has gone through/going through.   
He has been having very severe night terrors for years now. One time he had one so bad that when he woke up, he was in the middle of the road, 20 minutes away from his house. Does anyone have any tips to help someone with them? I love him so much and I just want to know if anyone has any advice. 

Have a great day everyone 💙",3.6681833060556457,6.0332215248227,4.038581560283692,85.42615384615388,74.88652482269505,6.891653027823242,25.739770867430444,7.882392219407189,1.5310301145662844,589,21,111,9,13,184,93,141,0.195,0.731,0.07400000000000001,-0.9679,2,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,3,5,0,12,1,0,0,0,11,18,8,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,5,0,10,2,19,13,2,19,0,0,0,1,20,6,0,1,11,63,13,2,0.0,0.3986919357990492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960644565728687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255223986648914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685690335072128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538281147503564,0.0,0.09365318027089327,0.13674961785250633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233721565023593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815644211979617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261706497998453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143571353759787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860163963017495,0.0,0.06374601587927789,0.0,0.0,0.12366242785208682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075181907738503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294234753749842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130656260396013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061643010137581424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904384556789683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123338943744344,0.0,0.0,0.2274356295642975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303604762735557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245426046574814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21051871168872732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201196044749246,0.08530661919737673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622300184405839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351707778481315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25342929164664074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503713225285863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725932482621775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540437664373741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627398060412924,0.06615788695902845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669195675696026
ptsd,grey_leigh,2020/04/16,"I recently started dating someone who brought something to my attention. Okay so it’s completely fine if nobody reads this or responds. I just need to put it out in the world somewhere. 

Here some background. My biodad is a narcissistic sociopath. He is incredibly abusive. Emotionally and mentally, and has not done anything physically but I think he would be capable of it. 

I have a chronic illness and was undiagnosed for a very long time. He thought I was lying. So he wouldn’t let me ice me joint and would tell me I was weak. Eventually I believed him. I still do to an extent. There are numerous other abusive things that would happen. 

But I never considered myself a trauma victim. I already thought “everyone else has it worse”. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I do have a therapist, but I never told him about any of the stuff with my biodad. I had convinced myself that I was over reacting and everything was fine. 

Recently, right before lockdown I met this great guy. I have issues around men (not I’m realizing it’s because my biodad always intimidated me) so I told him that before we started dating. He was really sweet about it. I explained that if he yelled I would completely break down and if we have an argument, it wouldn’t help. Our relationship has progressed and one night I was really having an awful night. 

Couldn’t sleep and I had some really bad flashback like nightmares. He called me and we chatted on the phone for a bit. After talking and me apologizing for talking about stuff. I said “I don’t get why it effects me. It’s not like I was abused. I wasn’t traumatized” and he said “I think you were. You’re having a trauma response and you deserve help. You deserve to be able to tell people. He hurt you really badly and you’re allowed to not feel okay”

And then it all kinda clicked? I realized that I was badly hurt and by not telling my therapist, I was just helping my biodad win. 

I have a FaceTime appointment with my theorist tomorrow. I’m mildly terrified. I’m so scared that he’s going to be mad at me. 

I marked this as NSFW. I don’t wanna trigger anyone accidentally:) I know I don’t have a diagnosis of PTSD and I don’t wanna undermine your guy’s trauma so lmk if this post isn’t allowed :)",2.5385076900398005,5.1588556304849895,4.354017984374232,80.25540513979658,80.45496535796767,7.472635251339001,26.76472900594565,8.464757390353514,2.349901026976561,1780,76,321,41,47,600,205,433,0.193,0.6759999999999999,0.13,-0.9878,2,1,1,0,1,0,47.0,4,5,0,3,14,23,2,1,15,3,48,5,1,5,3,72,70,33,0,14,15,0,1,2,0,6,4,3,0,3,25,26,0,0,11,2,0,3,16,13,0,1,24,6,65,10,31,35,5,30,0,3,1,0,46,9,0,8,18,232,90,1,0.08575089800727878,0.30480237614404776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462824828219077,0.0,0.0713516165032714,0.0,0.0,0.05831355116853796,0.0,0.06559920226503904,0.0,0.0,0.05995902169437747,0.0,0.07056568260996239,0.07633647947259704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479525405602548,0.05227295151417735,0.0,0.14593539670424724,0.09661189742878837,0.0,0.0,0.09361777133608098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875612543905902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981637016304866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738571228016475,0.08703535643516534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775294073732835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163387197017979,0.09645821850285613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193865781995763,0.07706737787911967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335823055867796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044801304971007434,0.0,0.04873421146775659,0.0,0.0,0.09454066778028827,0.0,0.16981374152837125,0.07582923591114701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243105814877832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359621971809784,0.0,0.0,0.08950165873687077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471264509650793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768610301353283,0.0,0.08378711464238321,0.0,0.0,0.07588684631304833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641673636487908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358320432671387,0.13227275783678186,0.0,0.0,0.160942817709384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581070277404156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944887563326495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212565655340978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023821093446107,0.08620333705426936,0.0,0.0,0.08577410341810722,0.0,0.21973688416279089,0.0,0.16933733343354124,0.09206437308209793,0.0,0.07323079836326951,0.16313748152595772,0.0,0.08585160827039348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581282628028851,0.0,0.07265645760938541,0.06601523069583479,0.0,0.0,0.1213898539340036,0.0,0.06848077791756346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963285249914647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784664726393012,0.2248501934465593,0.0,0.0,0.19912680367267435,0.05696908633575212,0.10989142594711936,0.0,0.1361532690990464,0.05000203821849903,0.0,0.0,0.16387731563991526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075347141654327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737684775259808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738749097358578,0.24365991052365515,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Miss_7_Costanza,2020/04/16,"Meditation causing surge in anxiety... pls help! :) I have been searching for a centering practice to engage in regularly. I do prayer in the morning which I find incredibly helpful, but I was looking for a calming practice for the late afternoon/early evening.

I hear so many great things about meditation and I would love to find that peace others describe. But it makes me So. Fucking. Anxious. Any sort of somatic awareness of my body (especially breath work) freaks me out. I find my pulse skyrocketing and negative thoughts flowing in. I do have a lot of unprocessed trauma, so I know it is probably that rearing it’s ugly head but I guess I’m just wondering...

Is it worth it?

Is this just a growing pains situation? Will it get better if I push through? I admit to running from things that feel difficult (went to exactly two therapy sessions before freaking out and deciding to keep things buried) or is it just unnecessary anguish that I’m just putting myself through.. trying to make a practice work for me that just doesn’t?

What have y’all done to find peace inside our wild brains? Any alternatives or modifications that might help?",4.51905797101449,7.274357173913046,5.1489154589372,76.5819239130435,73.8792270531401,8.391207729468599,33.055314009661835,9.120678840339163,3.4241673429951693,913,47,154,22,20,293,129,207,0.14,0.66,0.2,0.9146,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,1,0,3,11,12,1,1,7,0,16,7,4,3,1,36,33,12,0,2,11,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,20,5,0,1,10,0,1,6,2,7,0,1,5,3,20,5,24,25,1,14,0,0,1,2,8,7,1,8,1,108,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724847285801776,0.0,0.09969688167829953,0.14722810678220574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089543375173833,0.0,0.0,0.11526026868566118,0.0,0.1447596819818571,0.0,0.14548377764440085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387781267095591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336586799127667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607723619423298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589531934129497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764521292516277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048168678472895,0.06808848654411731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368177422947226,0.14356568372683529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374918854983478,0.0,0.14688370384114702,0.0,0.2620586563304073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583723698188685,0.0,0.0,0.07162221556904019,0.0,0.14701023190631066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943865471277443,0.0,0.0,0.11079611355681293,0.11762176481795099,0.0,0.17398347917934776,0.1321272570270171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825230706707278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867305989982592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051043818705222,0.0,0.0,0.13101079887909442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464887230055839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903592261148704,0.0,0.25974280465129657,0.0,0.0,0.10346205358289524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848088963035547,0.0,0.12730681742521233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208109004053278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132993755937648,0.18975366519017708,0.0,0.0,0.09257785319962776,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,coffeeandIforget,2020/04/16,"I can feel myself slipping It's okay if nobody replies, it's just 2:30am and I'm up feeling bad, just need to not feel alone, so posting where I know people will understand.

I've had a great three weeks. Had some great breakthroughs in my EDMR therapy, had a few good chats with friends, got more grounded, but I feel it all slipping.

Nightmares every night this week. My twitch is back. Hypervigilance is ramping up. I'm on edge and bitching at the people in my house despite trying my best not to.

My old friend suicidality is talking to me on my shoulder, telling me this will never be over, you'll just get worse again and be a burden to everyone, best pack it in now.

I know that voice is full of crap, but it won't shut up, and the longer I feel like shit, the more it gets to me.

What I need is sleep, and uninterrupted quiet and rest time, but with the kids home due to Covid, I won't get it, I'll have to push through.

Anyone else triggered by their own kids? The noise and sudden movement gets to me and frays my nerves.

I'm okay for now, but I need a goddam break and can't have one. I know my healing comes in waves like this, but I am tired of surfing them. Can't I just be frickin healed already?? Bet my abusers aren't feeling this shitty tonight.

And there's my tired bitchfest. Hello to anyone else out there staying up late feeling shitty, you're not alone. Wish we could hang out together and play a really dark game of Cards Against Humanity together or something.

PTSD can go suck an egg.",2.5547744774477468,4.499946237623764,3.1180198019802003,92.69592959295929,76.72277227722772,5.809020902090207,24.093509350935093,6.605766666666668,0.5573951595159512,1182,39,255,10,27,368,171,303,0.19899999999999998,0.6990000000000001,0.102,-0.9924,0,2,1,0,1,0,41.0,1,1,2,2,13,19,5,0,11,2,25,10,4,1,2,52,51,19,1,6,14,0,7,2,2,5,5,2,1,3,13,17,1,0,11,3,1,5,9,7,0,2,4,9,30,12,32,38,10,40,0,0,0,0,14,18,5,4,16,156,43,0,0.0,0.12450524377155885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766697099357005,0.11596083930607345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469518585806819,0.2153382983671289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080173840364856,0.08773926176540278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055460700970572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051902518314844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389959952045456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556541661078595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853629983760129,0.10041056137994343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719290833739077,0.07507075669932857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237252010933895,0.0,0.21960448473917815,0.0,0.05972064544477361,0.08813797788447479,0.08404384824164997,0.23170703005441015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540603136012262,0.0,0.0,0.12125076961260554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325131469612973,0.0,0.11853731764273485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267572647007912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233751396861151,0.08104588373199842,0.0,0.0,0.09861254202978297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026610983092122,0.0,0.07120642967273459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570155612894714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063971631490133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228354881497573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731835888484428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786538550332624,0.0,0.0,0.10515810594965136,0.0,0.0,0.08089742436787542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200366150627697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494288967739826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446110544382741,0.0918464891950703,0.0,0.12017067295040115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127428568201401,0.2415531000536129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134392744927698,0.0,0.0,0.10939429364280284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858123175784065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083936338825035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708775637407708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Gurbaz21,2020/04/16,"I had a traumatic experience and I don't know how to cope. Im 16 and a mountaineer. At the end of the year I had a 500ft fall on Mount Hood. I fractured my femur and had surgery. Originally it wasn't that bad, I knew it wasn't my fault, it was just a freak accident, nothing I could have done. But as time went on I started having nightmares. It's progressively getting worse. I keep blaming myself and think what if it happens again when I climb again. I have panic attacks a lot for other reasons, but this adds on to them significantly. It so easy for me to get triggered. If I see mountains while I'm playing a video game I start feeling like I'm going crazy. Just news in general because I got a lot of news coverage. All of these things are making me feel so overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. It's getting worse, and the nightmares are getting worse. I can't even head back climbing to cope and deal with it because of the Covid-19 situation. I feel so stuck. Maybe some of you have some tips to cope and deal with panic attacks? Im posting here because I don't know what to do.",1.8670095238095248,3.8334156755555564,3.325460317460319,90.30400000000002,78.91111111111111,5.885714285714287,26.26984126984127,6.868970318607317,1.0338507936507928,857,35,184,9,21,281,121,225,0.16899999999999998,0.752,0.08,-0.9635,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,3,12,10,2,3,11,0,20,1,1,5,1,40,44,19,0,3,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,11,0,1,9,3,0,5,6,8,0,0,11,4,24,2,22,32,5,22,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,6,12,123,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827003573419488,0.0,0.09553913836863233,0.10374199411764093,0.22722151041442215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920201725877227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25618872130450643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714896940045636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004695951806366,0.0,0.0,0.08206471442642475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153850711596205,0.0,0.0,0.18847075497100152,0.0887628849753959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596580676155499,0.0,0.07061307245779037,0.0,0.0993725754522723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987220616784492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751442133133462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684185911105213,0.0,0.0,0.11043744192034746,0.0,0.0,0.20485055958342596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607013576200595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126262460566225,0.0,0.0,0.08293658791245895,0.0,0.12482394115259544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921942645712595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915568067154629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899535792605052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774776549147973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900966877500647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966009774080435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758869240585452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254493301778587,0.07961318126618143,0.0,0.0,0.0724500805783246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517925620881762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798583610676634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001171854921446
ptsd,TrueFriendsHelpMoveB,2020/04/16,"[NSFW] CSA Survivor. I can't have loving sex. Literally my fucking. Pleasure receptors or whatever the hell. Get turned off unless I'm fearing for my life. I was raped as a child, and have been sexually assaulted three times in my adult life. Those events are the only times I have ever felt sexual stimulation from a partner. Whether someone is in me or I'm in them, if I don't feel like I'm in genuine danger, all I feel is Pressure. I fucking hate it and I have nowhere to talk about it so here I am",1.3537165775401083,3.6631309313725495,3.5283244206773614,86.2820053475936,82.82352941176471,6.454188948306596,25.93939393939394,7.686295010490155,1.600301960784314,393,17,80,7,11,134,71,102,0.27399999999999997,0.669,0.057,-0.9768,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,4,12,7,2,4,0,12,7,0,1,2,13,24,9,0,1,5,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,3,3,13,3,11,21,1,9,1,0,0,5,6,5,3,3,5,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22108320445230345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750296562226654,0.2471624893716607,0.17460684245976082,0.23467231786256734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519069628477973,0.12769434915877698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24130467489895255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452685948296955,0.11940657843644023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220589933301031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588512686828604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708814336137651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196447825766215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850353457809088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658483368703979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Riko_1,2020/04/16,"Is this a ptsd? My short story. I accidently watched a violent video in the internet 2 months ago and my body suddebly had reacted severely. The most bad thing that I have since is that absolutely absence of energy. I almost do not go outside, have a severe depression, very weak and i feel that i do not have my previous sharp intelligence anymore. I had a hope that this condition will go away, but it becomes worse. I had severe suicidal thoughts. Phycisian prescribed me antideppesants ssri, i tryed it, but felt myself very bad and stopped. But it seems i will need to continue them.

What is interesting is that i do not afraid that video. But my body had reacted. 

Say guys please, is it possible for this condition to go away? Is it possible to return to my previous condition? I just never had a good health and I strenghthened it very much by this year and suddenly I lost the all.",3.3088904543853483,5.939025299401197,4.56333215921099,79.8425607608313,77.44311377245509,9.438393800634026,28.985206058471288,9.773937934552695,3.372224656569215,703,32,130,23,17,231,92,167,0.226,0.708,0.066,-0.9838,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,1,10,1,1,8,0,19,4,2,2,2,26,29,9,1,2,8,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,18,5,0,1,4,2,0,3,4,7,0,0,8,5,21,3,10,19,3,15,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,4,8,93,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474316664985912,0.0,0.12961819232707808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283724020931189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432314045193401,0.0,0.21615853910282687,0.0,0.1429593212903225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28756337607070803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148883040249624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545013168588999,0.0,0.12428531648297235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206958529261948,0.10857041736871444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281686498952515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759156493672567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856583410701308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413020265231172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331994909786513,0.0,0.0951552976285815,0.09598014131509253,0.09983421033703248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208924244737658,0.0,0.2918544493288851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131161998734793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293805132550828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783979640444107,0.0,0.4387003085993517,0.0,0.10707636073755653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082199151654992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415893330591083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599599556199006,0.0,0.0,0.10276306571063998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788311424666445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32041141636392984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319131966001314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335687172685535
ptsd,sweatergraveboi,2020/04/16,"Messed up sleep schedule. TW; csa and sexual assault.


I cant seem to get to sleep. I try to sleep and my mind won't stop; i just keep thinking about my anxieties. It's like there's a weight on my chest. I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack the whole night and if im not it's because im actually having one. Even when my mind and body are tired and i truly want to sleep. I can't. I was molested multiple times by an older guy when i was about 8. It happened when i was suposed to be ""asleep"" and i just can't stop the flashbacks. There were times when i would wake up naked and i was too young to understand. I'm just so tired. I feel disgusting and dirty every single night. Im tired of having to wait for my body to force itself sleep. I can't get sleeping meds because my therapy is canceled because of the virus. my urges to self harm are spiking. i just want something to make me feel better; i just wish this feeling would go away. Its so embarrassing; i know people who have gone through so much worse. People whos assault or trauma were actualy bad and i can't seem to get over mine. Im 16 and I'm still so chained down by it. I don't know what i can to do to calm down or get myself to sleep. 
What do you guys usualy do to get to sleep?",0.4729929193899807,2.317278036764709,2.3947712418300675,95.83628540305011,82.97058823529412,5.500217864923748,19.63289760348584,6.605766666666668,-0.028555991285402982,974,26,232,10,27,324,135,272,0.17800000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.094,-0.981,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,1,20,15,5,2,7,0,26,17,13,1,0,41,54,21,0,6,9,0,5,2,0,3,3,0,0,3,10,10,1,4,10,0,0,2,8,11,0,1,7,5,31,4,33,43,3,25,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,5,16,143,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0762466319246069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059771605413784186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888767759944631,0.0734086166998724,0.0,0.0652378724480954,0.1428876323417325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910237495688534,0.0,0.17357651404111654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160617373683287,0.0,0.06583050415075767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802576610138822,0.05581830017247715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204106592023057,0.0,0.04440483965389772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472810037328127,0.06909283971773822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33758861025379056,0.0,0.0,0.06944828669211438,0.0,0.0,0.08587981360675752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634376916551439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521544490206902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678825702055827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778430963628653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057436816470164326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664523747470565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294500868829835,0.0,0.0,0.09167235471832423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833530329494252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225887423277686,0.08150986045966181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6255161910224137,0.0,0.0,0.060150675377256775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239719226431896,0.13064553547064955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893520058887866,0.0,0.0,0.05006453373877316,0.0,0.0,0.09112007448523206,0.2694075037844709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304724413258499,0.0,0.0,0.08133930958184535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216985004427004,0.0,0.0,0.09514506307611466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723281260667967,0.0898492056670148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796243010314401,0.11100702084863387,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EhManana,2020/04/16,"I hate that I think people have the worst intentions/are out to get me/hate me i can thank high school bullies for it,

​

specifically, how the same people who bullied me would pretend to act all nice and charming in an ironic fashion to make the teachers and vice principal think that they weren't bullying me when they were, 

​

now whenever anyone is remotely ""nice"" to me i automatically assume that they are;

​

1. blackmailing me

2. are trying to take advantage of me 

3. are messing with me

4. are trying to deflect/hide that they secretly hate me

5. some combination of the above

​

and it ruins my friendships with people 'cause i get wicked paranoid about friendships, and i don't know how to get over that hump, 'cause it LITERALLY just makes me think of those cunts from high school",10.036045411542103,8.644429463576161,8.842724692526016,70.08569536423839,59.0,11.807379375591294,39.45222327341533,10.608840637214634,4.098232923368023,663,27,115,12,7,205,89,151,0.177,0.71,0.11199999999999999,-0.9053,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,4,1,6,11,3,0,5,0,11,1,0,6,1,24,24,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,20,5,18,21,4,8,0,1,0,1,6,5,1,2,2,77,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344312320082666,0.487200462674818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008872533006147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059440318172256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711062004380788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979285031932212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118138558081535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508817162341708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338192582360457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847717979852973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028923717138882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536648518399815,0.0,0.0,0.09228566335547056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268534788465436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611001543651258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120618407388582,0.0,0.487200462674818,0.0
ptsd,Sorxleva,2020/04/16,"How do I get over intimacy problems with men? (I don’t think I have PTSD, I’ve never seen a therapist or a doctor because I’m too scared, Sorry... I just don’t know where else to post this...) 


I was told at a young age things that I can’t really repeat because I get sick when I think of them... of stuff that was “said” to have been “done” to me.
I’ve never been sexually harassed but- I was in a particular situation where I was told I had been and I knew for a fact I wasn’t. 
It’s hard to explain because I don’t want to get into the details. I was never in a situation where I was abused in that way. Ever. (Although at the time I was abused by my step mom... I think? but that’s a whole different story and a whole different aspect of “abuse”)
But the fact that adults rammed it into my head constantly... I realize now as a young adult... it haunts me.
I can’t be intimate with men and I really want to get over it. I can’t even really kiss my boyfriend for long because I get weirded out. Even hugs or cuddling. 
I’ve been this way with all guys...
Even my relatives... because I feel wrong... 
I don’t know how to get past this feeling that hangs over me. 
I’m so tired of it. I just subconsciously tell myself to get out of that situation as soon as possible and I hate it so much. I get sort of repulsed when being touched by men. I’m alright being around them and I get along with them better then girls really... it’s just their touch...
Please help...",0.4047448165869199,2.4952949210526327,2.7139114832535896,92.0129864433812,84.98684210526315,6.1848484848484855,19.738437001594885,7.463857097105799,0.4969771929824556,1112,32,255,19,33,379,135,304,0.11800000000000001,0.797,0.085,-0.9137,2,0,0,0,3,0,58.0,0,0,4,1,20,10,2,1,12,1,27,7,1,2,7,46,55,21,0,3,8,1,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,7,19,15,0,0,10,0,0,2,11,6,0,0,19,7,41,4,39,33,4,38,0,0,1,3,18,16,0,3,17,176,60,1,0.0,0.3193716732912133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998529896893578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738577730946488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946477470905762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709562631369507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877476651937008,0.0,0.0919649944392744,0.0,0.09194745747736696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505791078424186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803467560207067,0.08127421463826917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086143500355792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224849269125362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896534775392796,0.0,0.0,0.08048769975174787,0.08870799565955405,0.0922117331221708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060224372553583476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875811134674853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951417372264039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523090471856597,0.0,0.0,0.06604988155117414,0.0,0.20789292656897865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577172329184407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862800986632984,0.0,0.10129205776644988,0.08605119384373336,0.0,0.0,0.0859740464116462,0.1050295130859714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23024012235948735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546765794705727,0.0,0.08995524291811784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029845454239624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057940407963573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285643165669976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853261450838485,0.0,0.0,0.10432244868067912,0.059692160734082435,0.17271621548236904,0.0,0.0,0.05239209357825437,0.1032690343205512,0.0,0.1717105134562913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059913841355717,0.14263704922933815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062800461929844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823656265078536,0.0,0.0
ptsd,surferguy90,2020/04/16,"Room mate has severe PTSD as a vet. Isn’t in therapy or dealing with issues. Hi all,

I work in the mental health field. Which I suppose lead to my conversation with my room mate about his past.

I’ve lived here for a month and started my convos with my room mate very basic about games and pop culture. Eventually went into coronavirus which then lead to life and some of
His past.

Which eventually found out he tried to kill him self in service and his only coping methods is isolation, his cat, video games, and anti depressants.

He is quiet and clean. Good room mate. Likes to talk every now and then.

But I feel that he could blow any minute and if he loses his job that could be the trigger.

My first reaction was I have a friend whose a vet and great person who offered to reach out to my room mate. He refused the help. My friend said to suggest This local non profit that helps
Vets to him. He refused to use them as help as well. 

I honestly don’t think there is much I can do
If he doesn’t want help. It’s depressing for me to watch some one self destruct. Especially when I know there is ways for prevent it. 

Maybe in time he will trust me more and reconsider the resources I’ve suggested. 

He said I’m the first room mate he has had who cleans up apparently and has shown a genuine interest to his issues. 

Thanks for any advice,

Surferguy90",3.0954899415963624,5.003875194029856,3.792407527579496,88.6267001946788,75.04477611940298,6.899675535366646,23.21933809214796,7.7425588080867325,0.9721987021414668,1064,31,220,15,23,337,152,268,0.09300000000000001,0.7390000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.9623,2,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,6,8,16,2,0,10,0,19,2,0,4,1,38,31,21,1,5,4,0,1,1,8,1,2,3,8,3,12,17,0,3,4,3,1,3,3,5,1,3,6,5,25,11,32,21,5,30,0,3,1,0,51,15,0,5,12,129,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211233587386768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858168846668556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792937255355672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778790760581785,0.21351741092233067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443395662930244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267328579753374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21086509884914745,0.0,0.1359057347044039,0.19152827432356198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396411163178601,0.0,0.1366562752893014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175398200869287,0.0,0.0,0.33232663013786523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587450163482995,0.12300211571865845,0.0,0.13713327634736788,0.0,0.06812015831597931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755016740479349,0.06055613564564386,0.0,0.10945089192189236,0.0,0.0,0.13866932170663518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245253122602734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491332663025845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893640442885666,0.0,0.0911181537731138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399231955491794,0.0942702245097446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366502676083084,0.0,0.10822912147119726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448919377193446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23581132975731794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586155868595712,0.14002920550395598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773306602342416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996270167034641,0.0,0.11411731071861406,0.14174862593124035,0.0,0.0,0.07942271463040447,0.0,0.0,0.07227675095011411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841545065545824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705375716959027,0.0,0.10227245157653543,0.07310943647043162,0.0983864337088353,0.0,0.0,0.11144672090928456,0.11490370126813468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023771193821932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Empty_Royal,2020/04/16,"How do you determine when to see a therapist? My(32f) husband(32m) has told our marriage councilor, last year, that he believes that i have ptsd. I was told to seek individual help...but i started to feel better so i never did. ( Why go when i feel fine? ) I don't see the point of going when I'm failing apart because its embarrassing and I'm not going to tell a stranger my personal problems. I know it's there job, but i don't want anyone to know my problems. It's a fat catch 22, how do the rest of you handle this problem?",1.2724242424242431,3.3984471851851867,3.2076094276094302,89.5528787878788,81.77777777777777,5.779124579124581,24.63299663299664,6.980632752743323,0.9497481481481479,408,16,87,5,11,137,71,108,0.154,0.812,0.034,-0.9014,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,0,2,7,7,0,1,5,0,8,1,1,2,1,14,23,8,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,1,0,4,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,4,4,13,2,7,19,1,13,0,1,2,0,9,2,0,0,7,51,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286379104367018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711403906505099,0.0,0.0,0.19797027440719972,0.0,0.15540535669841454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769324544814002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995881089407749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777784726496003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436970840849214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931363874986716,0.14323091794567644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355219950257486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534272824656562,0.0,0.0,0.16610717025033475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504405658922167,0.2054010598374696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800437029832541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437175613530425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535823767803817,0.0,0.0,0.2040182887100674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358058169829714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364107190169704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855516960151758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131544940095396
ptsd,jenny0695,2020/04/16,"PTSD/Trauma and memory loss Does anyone else have memory loss during the time period you experienced trauma? I can not remember ANYTHING during the time period I was being abused/traumatized. Even the ""positive"" memories. All I have are a few memories of specific moments of the abuse itself. I don't remember school, friends, my kids, my family, basically my entire life during the time I was in my abusive relationship.",5.656751467710374,8.667121054794519,7.551115459882585,59.49931506849314,71.32876712328766,12.390606653620353,29.606653620352247,11.491704259439757,5.271533855185909,339,14,46,15,7,118,49,73,0.24,0.76,0.0,-0.9542,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,6,0,8,1,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,10,1,3,5,2,7,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,33,11,1,0.0,0.4893241502904135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438567235273178,0.21157789560014686,0.16992728101206347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807046242590968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249955845450024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638759108384804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466452477509089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953704644519762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585308798790833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138088101201102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216976867125561,0.4678357597521493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898333767089805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612256022447065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MaidofLight,2020/04/16,"(20F) My short term memory is awful, my attention span is non existent, I legitimately cannot concentrate on or “hear” anything that’s being said in a convo. How do I go back to normal comprehension skills? I’m not sure if this would fit better here or in r/anxiety as I have GAD as well, but since my trauma three years ago I’ve been slowly mentally deteriorating.",6.616690140845073,6.4657849999999994,8.45080985915493,66.08917253521129,65.19718309859155,12.170422535211268,30.426056338028175,11.698219412168324,3.702659154929578,289,9,54,9,4,103,60,71,0.105,0.818,0.077,-0.4462,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,1,1,10,12,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,2,2,6,3,6,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,3,4,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649260742026268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22863115222200356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24594069387100184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22980898367944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643220890303567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698520490460622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368429371763051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30118594928245285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29282455906360266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28428935935211497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472244815821453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816770277315315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687158154936892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123053488831188,0.0,0.0,0.19245946777637446
ptsd,jfogal0,2020/04/16,"Flashbacks Does anyone have advice for handling flashbacks? They creep out of nowhere, sometimes several a day, and it gets worse over time. It’s to the point where I’m acting out and saying things related to the flashbacks as they are happening and I can’t control it, it’s like my mind and body are living separate lives. It’s starting to get in the way of everyday life. I’m ashamed to talk about the memories. Any advice you have helps, thank you in advance.",3.7133988764044936,5.983989595505619,3.995941011235957,86.22851825842697,74.39325842696628,7.1466292134831475,29.10252808988764,8.07648339933343,2.086111235955056,370,16,69,6,8,115,61,89,0.069,0.846,0.085,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,2,2,2,3,0,1,5,0,5,2,1,1,0,8,12,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,14,12,0,14,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,5,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000318296532483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919288976468086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312058397853938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273590077428917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295717490176868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200495899239875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912131397915085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387903769125352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810023616057012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371961107264297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457514230987187,0.099998802837532,0.0,0.36148139391641215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667360601449564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934935834822212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277381026852114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23123590637662564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024388017763772,0.0,0.14487717021684948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451813337164092,0.0,0.18844654357862686,0.0,0.0,0.13598368810379113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935353025648007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246950835683774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085916078535976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,assraider42069,2020/04/17,"How do you open up to people that you have ptsd? I read on the internet that I'm supposed to console with other people but how are you supposed to do it
1-arent I putting the burden of my ptsd to them as well?
2- what if they say that I'm just acting or that I need to man up
3-im worried if I open up, people will think less of me",4.177702702702703,3.020447175675677,5.497972972972971,88.59533783783785,70.48648648648648,7.9405405405405425,27.959459459459467,5.985473137389443,0.9668486486486478,257,7,62,1,4,87,47,74,0.094,0.871,0.035,-0.6553,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,2,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,12,9,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,1,13,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,3,0,47,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667144403006478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308700006442408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135467650058921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5772692183776866,0.24822137455846385,0.0,0.0,0.24698540195211546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635956721290493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582154573877523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200945919667106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507578060155357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SHIBBIDIWWHOO,2020/04/17,"Idk how much more my wife can take It's an everyday battle and lately she has been checking  out and avoiding me. I have started looking for other people to turn too ,but honestly I know this is a slow road to a bitter divorce. I have been wrestling this disorder for ten years now ,and it's not getting  an easier. I feel worse for her than me I am used to bei g thrown away at this point.",2.9970370370370354,4.075134567901237,4.242901234567904,88.68805555555558,73.69135802469134,7.375308641975309,25.84567901234568,7.793537801064563,1.2745456790123455,304,10,66,4,6,100,62,81,0.228,0.726,0.046,-0.9292,0,2,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,4,0,8,0,0,2,0,11,16,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,2,3,10,1,10,14,2,11,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,6,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786593889998763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399218862872688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499666027221527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549578803712588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300005001404627,0.0,0.33457042571108925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906387005658545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21803037440564985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562061226892345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28037675768044995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993043033414707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230014264832223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226085966454037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561615857070241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30225415043138776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099651206840465
ptsd,Introverted_owl,2020/04/17,"Without getting into details, my dad used to play acoustic guitar when I was growing up. He was abusive. Sorry to post blank. And it's irritating because I like that music and my husband loves listening to people playing guitar on YouTube etc, and I just usually can't enjoy it, even if I like the song.

Music in general is triggering. Just my husband listing to music at all if I'm "" not in the mood for it"" grates on my anxiety and makes me feel bad, and certain songs are terrible.  Oddly, music in the car is usually great besides certain songs. But at home...I don't know it's too much or something.

Anyone else relate? Can anything help this? My husband would love music all day long but doesn't for my sake 😔",2.828258241758242,5.013208649999998,4.455714285714286,82.29851648351648,76.78571428571429,6.593406593406595,29.340659340659343,7.61054688173877,2.0809725274725284,561,26,101,8,13,188,93,140,0.092,0.764,0.14400000000000002,0.6753,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,5,13,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,3,4,26,19,11,0,3,9,4,1,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,7,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,5,11,10,16,16,4,17,0,0,0,2,9,9,0,3,7,66,17,0,0.0,0.22460901450336712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502024911374892,0.0,0.0,0.13255149395878285,0.19423648962856566,0.15599965422799633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828272385489536,0.11555988775395525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222567295214085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583611019555694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142024943281,0.1252089536379929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585210154456283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904230818640836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090011878114631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706452794274326,0.0,0.19015379681475186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418251172003952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852282926988643,0.0,0.0,0.1677631583431649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342187987185779,0.0,0.1265392009635828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393554912092591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142371334084132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815553049545698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593996375339713,0.0,0.21220768201064294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372729580663434,0.4175683334894573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182738359820761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346648270980815,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,exhaustedalways2,2020/04/17,"Tension So I’m having one of those times where the ptsd symptoms have come back quickly and intensely. I take Xanax for anxiety and am doing some breathing and muscle relaxation exercises. New symptom. My arms are constantly tense. My legs are also, but I notice it much more in my arms. All day long I find myself having to stop and breathe deeply and try to shake out my arms and legs to release what I’m assuming is tension. can’t seem to release this tension I feel like I’m wound tight and  I feel sore and tired from this.  Does anyone else experience this? Any tips on how to stop tensing my body since I dont seem to be aware that I’m doing it???",2.5806997455470717,4.649239938931302,3.620171755725192,88.55152989821886,77.09160305343511,6.504071246819338,24.65712468193384,7.492282038375204,1.1453811704834609,516,18,105,7,12,166,88,131,0.205,0.7559999999999999,0.039,-0.9655,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,4,1,0,12,15,8,1,1,23,22,12,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,8,10,0,3,6,2,0,2,2,4,0,1,0,3,12,2,12,21,4,15,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,10,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392946460504002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845089249261676,0.0,0.133250057651949,0.0,0.0,0.12179329658995365,0.1784717899692586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393651751571808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347882947836312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004383867811738,0.0,0.18823070533545536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233407994140554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242933415025858,0.0,0.20414200514337008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455081348595285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038508683595016,0.0,0.0,0.1761450298827623,0.12443687373839743,0.0,0.0,0.1592007508721112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509735996087099,0.0,0.0,0.15414709778608715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804506509421631,0.0,0.0,0.16822770780836938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830930275635367,0.0,0.0,0.11803138649629992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036114300899603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171406065102502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440865608366717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912507538139363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620871267300244,0.13096446881764087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156791920137212,0.20019854557266464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825930205504995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LostSoul1225,2020/04/17,"Relationship trauma Hi everyone- first time posting here but I love this community.
I’m a long time sufferer of relationship trauma from a very young age (all types of abuse from my partners) which apparently has brought me to be diagnosed with PTSD. My first real boyfriend impregnated me at age 15 by poking holes in a condom so he could try to control my life and that’s only the beginning. Luckily after having him stalk me up until I graduated college, I was able to be rid of him. However now, I just always feel like shit in relationships. I try my best to keep this side of me hidden but honestly I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to be a lie. I don’t want to be explosively angry or aggressive when small things happen that I deem  them to be ill character in people. I care about my people ( friends, family, lovers) so much but it seems to never be reciprocated enough and I’m in a constant battle to  understand if it’s all in my own mind or if I am just a trash human. It’s so confusing to be in my own mind sometimes. Has anyone else experienced this?",2.90007944389275,4.9559692264150925,5.070069513406158,78.58615193644489,76.0754716981132,8.614101290963257,25.780536246276068,9.276330184999452,2.36555283018868,844,31,164,22,19,293,127,212,0.154,0.696,0.15,-0.2232,2,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,1,4,9,14,3,1,7,0,16,7,1,1,3,28,30,14,0,6,9,0,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,2,10,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,2,2,25,7,30,20,7,27,0,1,0,3,13,10,1,6,16,115,35,3,0.13285786886901704,0.1574148495302962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054838992099378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175930594374352,0.09289731101253272,0.13612858707287204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942613669889992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545745182476232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357215762479475,0.14901139707049427,0.10607619754872843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484794026588298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098570149068596,0.0,0.0,0.137277693688672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695138720323532,0.0,0.0,0.12524657472217915,0.0,0.06717693043247755,0.09491368806628317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22601767077902424,0.0,0.0,0.10264565992000936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174857746710218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809017830111795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384144185615703,0.06490764381922944,0.0,0.0,0.11757503315576265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990941377180753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26829714807325217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976658204410455,0.0,0.10246817889960012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104439607974654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421383581602585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724111306949445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553037390099994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122134106205035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279188914876921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094881402576375,0.0,0.0,0.13637669317516893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139982947836834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826486460049204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494098350440672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804035438850126,0.0,0.0,0.13830972697704588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962165581856577,0.2350890398629021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ConcussionJack,2020/04/17,"My Concussion & Me | The Zine I was involved in a car accident in 2019. It completely halted my life. I was 26, I left a city I loved, lost a partner, my job and also, myself.

Through the power of other people’s writing I accidentally discovered I had **Post Concussion Syndrome.** It’s a strange thing to read your life and inner feelings on a page, but also empowering and important.

This is why I am launching My Concussion & Me, a beautifully made stand-alone magazine that captures people’s journey with their post concussion syndrome. It is for people who crave open discussions about coping with anxiety, depression, fear, anger, trauma, shame, and all those other wildcards that alter the direction of our work and our lives.

Through letters, stories, photo’s and foggy thoughts, we aim to curate a Zine that has a start, middle and end of people’s journey with their concussion. 

For those interested in sharing your story, you can do so [here](https://www.postconcussionmag.com/). It may serve as a therapeutic experience, all submissions can be anon. It will note exist without you.

Look forward to hearing your thoughts,

Jack <3",5.883484848484848,8.740874419191924,6.102020202020202,70.90636363636366,69.95959595959596,8.844444444444445,33.22222222222222,9.444778638647367,3.7173313131313126,917,44,138,22,18,292,126,198,0.149,0.769,0.081,-0.9209,3,1,0,0,0,0,52.0,3,5,2,3,4,9,1,2,12,0,13,3,0,2,2,24,22,12,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,15,12,0,1,3,1,0,4,1,6,0,0,7,3,24,3,20,12,3,16,0,2,1,1,19,9,0,1,3,97,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994466827288256,0.0,0.2469979513006041,0.0,0.33465336744589463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181398287153486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191870051596613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330117979475083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678064950060945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510638368879875,0.0,0.1737785984120022,0.07808530827718227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740557509999452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532496342327571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779049520847222,0.0,0.2181593552827969,0.0,0.0,0.13636602147433347,0.0,0.12968373438524053,0.0,0.16858044463838515,0.0,0.13938063974386444,0.14612700967219952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4282539873736864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958057617577524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544734926056917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109307552960803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259756017433416,0.0,0.0,0.24520304111942895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935059001315592,0.0,0.0,0.14886664904302452,0.0,0.11242811774200462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TheAstridDune,2020/04/17,"Has anyone here attempted to get an advanced degree? Hey all, 

I struggle from PTSD due to chronic stress as a child and into my early adult life... even know sometimes. 

Well, I’m trying to get my masters degree and I’m really struggling with the pressures and social isolation of school, especially since the quarantine. 

I tried to get a therapist at school but they were all booked up. Sometimes I really just want to give up but I know that I’ll regret it. 

Does anyone have any experience navigating an advanced degree with PTSD?",3.4505658627087183,6.377528602040819,4.500871985157699,78.6616604823748,79.3061224489796,7.237105751391463,25.23562152133581,8.296473431620573,2.173477551020408,425,16,70,9,11,138,66,98,0.132,0.7929999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.6946,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,4,4,6,0,4,6,0,3,2,0,0,2,15,12,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,7,1,14,11,2,8,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,43,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250866530357424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23136678760123586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478253880127653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927524283936974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183752020898648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593154554202126,0.15871047242037184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184912399696493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685910339858001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867940503935223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197734540012186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33487951201264193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685829044240122,0.0,0.0,0.1686509300586181,0.0,0.0,0.3272598109288525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895173487519705,0.3459192770199119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209506588467604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465337244757766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758408749133146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487554423734627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CyrusGrey517,2020/04/17,"Two weeks on little to no sleep and i feel like absolute garbage I've been doing fairly well lately since moving away from my family back home which was the source of all this. I don't even know whats caused it lately but its driving me insane. I'm currently on an Anti depressant that i want to quit because of how out of it and even more anxious it seems to make me but it helps me sleep. The anxiety got unbearable and i did stop it so I'm feeling somewhat better day to day, but now I'm having problems with nightmares and racing thoughts again. For the past two weeks I've only been able to sleep a couple hours a night if i even sleep at all. No matter how tired i am the second i lie down my brain just goes nuts and i cant stop thinking about back home. Ive tried to distract myself and even do things to try and tire myself out more before bed (Exercising, reading, Melatonin, etc.) but it doesn't change anything. The second i even try to sleep it starts up and i cant calm down enough to sleep. Eventually i hit the point where im exhausted enough to but just get woken up by nightmares. I'm almost dreading going to sleep every night at this point but the exhaustion has been affecting my work and i don't know how long ill be able to keep up before i really get myself in trouble at work. I'm just fucking tired and want to sleep normally again.",3.394470046082952,4.66968577419355,4.309708141321046,87.82741935483874,72.97849462365592,7.1780849974398375,23.679979518689198,7.62386473244151,0.9590237583205328,1077,29,225,13,21,348,151,279,0.207,0.738,0.055,-0.9935,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,20,12,1,2,10,0,17,17,9,6,2,48,41,21,0,5,10,0,2,1,0,0,7,0,3,0,14,13,0,3,7,2,0,3,7,8,1,4,8,2,23,4,35,31,8,41,0,1,0,1,1,18,1,4,21,148,37,3,0.1525922461083225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639954628660113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058366325304761185,0.08619290222318725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278520842258208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168271912417447,0.11733401830006494,0.0,0.04650940845880527,0.0,0.12984476248820126,0.0,0.0,0.06747772070273066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517170597129027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837713511097423,0.08071118168641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442020898397612,0.0,0.09840937509831127,0.0,0.0657137389887448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766858070843096,0.08509034517469492,0.2519643485569978,0.0,0.0642827742979356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192519463439953,0.0,0.07715522451636113,0.05450596555457901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705345363442242,0.07972315057889763,0.0,0.043360844976525585,0.0,0.061020979389896174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051139683029953885,0.0,0.15306246445791066,0.0,0.07513631252471724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241290537894354,0.0,0.0,0.06781549976563761,0.0,0.0,0.08386070782914448,0.0,0.1721307000605972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037274431858228235,0.0764687590109778,0.0,0.06751966800395602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050928254587757536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109070438096411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431974860904232,0.07475400139231175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802663961766729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283328254146873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424899474507455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300508574634405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115031834352014,0.07631676986861137,0.0,0.04887725010238144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945712494652638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311294141278324,0.0,0.6108097856141878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400278859172558,0.0,0.0,0.1275739503750412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506877539753197,0.04888747495068205,0.0,0.060570599345358536,0.0,0.26307350951296105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554001780341767,0.0,0.14906045192727674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000286028346005,0.0,0.1224002956056995,0.0,0.06859937742171525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108897253173866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Spaced_Out_Guy,2020/04/17,"I had my first flashback in months and I don’t know what to do. I thought I was recovering, and I was managing my PTSD, but today I seen someone who played a big part in causing it, and I’m still shaken up. Flashbacks and panic attacks are horrible and I want them to stop.",3.2955263157894734,4.094970438596492,4.872763157894738,85.50809210526316,72.68421052631578,7.805263157894737,30.03947368421053,8.07648339933343,1.9349684210526317,213,9,46,3,4,72,41,57,0.28,0.647,0.07400000000000001,-0.9294,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,11,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,1,10,1,5,6,1,9,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,5,34,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33035369460777986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29830433394601313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470004621781377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958743935839176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23178171972075076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34070302985148515,0.0,0.3144575489775583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394433291985129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24604140106636274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319010188404129,0.2427740069958228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230532441238696,0.0,0.0,0.2752500561373757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127599300535284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nuts_n_bolts,2020/04/17,"Childhood Trauma from Neighbors (TW?) I grew up in a middle class neighborhood. I was 12 around this time. Except when an older woman passed and left the house to her remaining family. This was the house next to us.
The family did some sort of drugs. The hard kind. Eventually it turned into a crack house of sorts. People in and out, all hours of the day and night. Police in and out all the time. The main family members would antagonize the neighbors, like my parents. We set up a security system and I wasn't allowed to be home alone or play with their kids. My mom was so stressed, she started developing ulcers. It got to the point where a man from the house was holding my dad at knife point in the driveway, while I watched on the camera. At one point they were doing some tree trimming and dropped a large branch on our property. My sibling (15) asked him to be careful. He starts threatening me and my brother. My parents came home, and threats to slit my mothers throat would start. Police eventually came. Since then, the property has been raided. The house has been remodeled and sold. 

Fastfoward to April 2020. 
I live in an apartment with my spouse. Since the SIP we've been having noise problems. In the day and night time. My fears from my childhood about violent neighbors have prevented me from being able to call the police. I'm scared they'll find me and do something. I've sent about 15 complaints to the property manager but I'm at a loss.",2.9510245238391626,5.576225180505414,3.3431146520602546,88.10678700361014,78.78339350180505,6.419967633511764,24.353168181252336,7.6298220110432995,1.3020843769451012,1153,41,220,18,29,357,159,277,0.09300000000000001,0.872,0.035,-0.9187,3,1,2,0,0,0,38.0,3,0,3,1,6,13,2,3,26,0,22,3,1,1,2,36,35,17,0,3,3,7,1,1,3,3,2,0,7,3,4,20,0,3,1,1,1,5,1,8,0,1,15,2,27,5,38,14,5,51,0,1,1,0,26,24,0,5,20,140,31,2,0.09718153740962704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006507643381656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651217197697117,0.0908516189347602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923321524248896,0.22229957867929032,0.09908305419906356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534810400242155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269973029902065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748423136033664,0.1093562476614834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882216460040432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772495316887328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870555691197497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194962011440172,0.0,0.0957042386185046,0.5606722316386754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119961651423688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558802474490063,0.0,0.0,0.04747799034928072,0.0,0.08581307798100199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381784207421056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335366753564272,0.18239657920209376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585272482671968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158171932676408,0.0,0.0,0.06737344174312912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756038941028797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298960664770517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729567240331054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077914398308274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481509535827678,0.0,0.0,0.20635677710748607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132112276058677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000200793032613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570560632070793,0.0,0.0,0.11689742385668067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806995180255144,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ewliza_biff,2020/04/17,Does anyone else get intrusive thoughts not related to what caused their ptsd? I was in a major car crash and regularly struggle w intrusive thoughts. The majority of them are when I’m driving but I have other ones like falling down the stairs when I walk downstairs or jumping out of a window or just generally hurting myself. Does anyone else have images that aren’t related to what caused their ptsd?? Maybe I am just scared of getting physically hurt again and am on guard? But also sometimes the images seem to pull me in like for a split second I almost do what I’m seeing. Intrusive thoughts are hard to understand.,5.397375478927202,7.349193258620692,5.7125287356321826,77.063122605364,69.0,8.603831417624523,30.992337164750968,9.150863307647796,2.8718325670498084,502,21,86,10,9,160,75,116,0.16399999999999998,0.782,0.054000000000000006,-0.9092,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,3,0,6,6,0,2,6,0,9,0,0,2,0,20,19,9,0,0,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,5,0,0,6,2,4,0,2,4,2,10,2,13,15,2,15,0,2,1,0,3,6,0,4,5,58,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176647217086806,0.0,0.0,0.12120329579943255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119499833129122,0.31058435862167305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113898412440748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652641461731365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532195746306285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836875873997372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576890750877574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244984208040673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809012095635532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226341937225615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270167200792486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35433345198938515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173902463791272,0.0,0.12077451312138388,0.13797546363327315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989772772595342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844448927204915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609675695756982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577803706333517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EnoughDetective,2020/04/17,"Got diagnosed with ptsd yesterday So yesterday I got diagnosed with ptsd, I have had it for about 5 years now. Just recently triggers began getting out of hand causing physical exhaustion and stuff like ringing in my ears.

It takes up like a lot of my energy, had about 2 triggers this night in my sleep and I noticed how much it affects my energy level right now, just feeling super exhausted just cant even right now.

Got a work shift of 9 hours ahead of me right now and I feel like I could die.",3.679183673469388,5.4833072755102075,4.72015306122449,83.0400255102041,73.18367346938777,8.981632653061224,28.5765306122449,9.516144504307137,2.695955102040816,395,16,77,10,8,129,63,98,0.085,0.722,0.193,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,12,6,0,0,2,0,5,7,3,5,0,18,13,5,1,1,3,0,3,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,5,10,4,14,6,2,20,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,15,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604814558808215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290558741137836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281210904163942,0.16775613334515171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676127105937186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345943157062467,0.11547518917361495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444989278647316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878332802792936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918220720100024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23690647581637014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742000132383847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882352610036645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168758710383545,0.0,0.0,0.18402747965863955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37789551764178303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959936504599814,0.0,0.0,0.41411738393210107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175609134073965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503839226541602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153268044592908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767537725168654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409044656601267
ptsd,PraxxtorCruel,2020/04/17,I want to get an MRI of my brain Has anyone else here done it? I want to have the parts of the brain that PTSD affects scanned but im not sure how to go about it. Also should i be choosing fmri or regular mri? Any other info would be helpful. There are private clinics around but when booking it just says 'Brain MRI'. Would that cover the whole brain?,0.9941666666666648,3.2878200833333366,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,84.27777777777777,4.155555555555557,20.11111111111111,5.148860815047168,-0.3399222222222225,274,8,59,1,8,86,52,72,0.033,0.877,0.09,0.4761,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,0,9,8,4,2,1,16,13,6,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,7,7,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,42,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331986139270789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326705760631535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646318614084908,0.17066122584775176,0.0,0.14827442754937165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7437477641427171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044953007391594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914017823334698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702114498777196,0.0,0.09466034270083944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164219525353973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991424914265458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803691183424073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947006653642674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245583575176453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698158559623682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19648375402048646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595918824315774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23664003107842665,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,desaparecidose,2020/04/17,"Had my first flashback after three months without one. I feel like a failure. My PTSD has romantic triggers and the worst of my trauma occurred once I moved in with my former partner. I've had to move in with my current partner due to COVID-19 to a rural place due to my immunodeficiencies. 

​

A strange feature of my PTSD is that I never really feel afraid of death, so that at least hasn't been consciously on my mind lately. However, I feel a strong amount of discomfort living with my partner, going through the motions of domesticity with another person present, and feeling controlled in my movements and my actions by his commentary. This is for the most part in my head, as the most he does is tut passive aggressively, but disapproval always puts me on high alert as I wonder what will happen next. I really don't like relationships in general, but I love him so I do try very hard to just maintain the status quo. 

​

It's rough because we had a minor disagreement last night, it lingered over night (he refused to talk to me, which is petty but whatever, that's fine) and then we resolved it this morning. The day moved on - him to working from home, me to studying from home, and I decided to put on a podcast for lunch - suddenly, midway through it, I was heaving, terrified, I couldn't focus my eyes. For a second I was bewildered as it hadn't really occurred to me that I would or could have a flashback due to something so petty - and then I realised I *was*, and I felt like all the calm I've been trying to cultivate over the past few weeks spectacularly collapsed. I hate the feeling of having a flashback, I hate how hopeless it reminds me I am. 

​

I just needed to post to vent because I feel like such a failure - I completed a three month course of intensive PTSD therapy and was really beginning to believe I was past my worst symptoms. I feel very dejected and alone right now. I've been really surprising myself with my resilience during this strange time, but now I wonder if I'd been subconsciously suppressing my feelings as to not acknowledge my own anxiety and shock surrounding major life changes brought on by COVID-19.",6.493800682076542,7.416911157635468,6.7467980295566505,74.5041038272073,65.50246305418719,9.792951875710498,36.30503978779841,9.851270322608157,3.7188479727169375,1734,84,300,36,26,559,207,406,0.19399999999999998,0.748,0.057999999999999996,-0.9955,2,1,1,0,0,1,56.0,2,0,0,5,9,20,3,2,20,0,28,6,2,3,2,57,47,26,1,5,10,0,11,4,3,2,2,0,2,4,15,17,1,3,15,0,0,10,7,10,0,5,15,12,53,10,57,28,11,55,0,1,1,1,15,17,0,6,31,216,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147644631010012,0.0,0.0,0.0654581770514816,0.25571062248865023,0.2867711260339714,0.0,0.08249038206171481,0.060180895776958364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591071044793087,0.0,0.0,0.08863203101899253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322043897303164,0.0,0.08248202613845425,0.0,0.08823298484129886,0.06281009180735235,0.0,0.0,0.05073442875959127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884300114757734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182157177805524,0.11240103998786508,0.07553373113139666,0.0,0.0,0.06691506190723474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044708904984296964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956595790261948,0.0,0.07047118270805737,0.15533696177357184,0.08073618593551629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311718699419457,0.15782107529998118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412501674937457,0.08874106487149923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556561900337647,0.1537330772216617,0.0,0.06946539042001447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710010488838767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794323745173395,0.0,0.12558428423420295,0.2508352823318577,0.0,0.05833141350242209,0.06067370317511196,0.0,0.08366443711870182,0.14764940127603368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377897937731722,0.05330755343984515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518990681829203,0.15019524230230527,0.0,0.06868996721540745,0.08219144078961674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534231220810242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758764642019377,0.15816637592417251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25198405749520403,0.0,0.0,0.08446011917705215,0.0,0.06718214386445563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056256144924526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176629721555392,0.0,0.06323045422623162,0.0,0.0,0.08996385016981921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587201287151488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682097789736608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129818874076348,0.0,0.0,0.0631028199432885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583325952087963,0.17062443878374953,0.05727132762765001,0.0,0.0,0.055883574700351435,0.0,0.2867711260339714,0.0
ptsd,roseycheetah,2020/04/17,"I’ve gotten the spins during bad triggers 4 or 5 times now... Yeah, like the feeling of the spins of being drunk but obviously without drinking. I’m a google queen and can’t find much on this - I’m newly diagnosed and really just beginning therapy and healing so I’m just curious. Has anyone else experienced this??

So far, seems to be when I start going down the rabbit hole too far or too fast, usually in bed. When I’ve had the spins while drunk, keeping my eyes open works, but with this it doesn’t. Grounding exercises have helped lessen it though.",4.493668224299063,6.001033822429911,5.286063084112153,80.98647780373835,70.58878504672897,8.714485981308412,27.393691588785053,9.188382445141503,2.239991588785047,437,15,84,9,8,142,78,107,0.068,0.853,0.08,-0.1191,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,0,6,1,7,7,1,1,1,18,17,13,0,0,7,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,5,3,1,3,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,3,2,1,8,13,1,17,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,3,10,47,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782858427998313,0.2612540622641165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128951396949016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587962818092855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497803834831349,0.0,0.0,0.21300056065485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892402942905554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330443533288972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490930170611746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090570447496384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22663526785997934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456887994208353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743742870791694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334479149301115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232121479181612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047402879825247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915884142427802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505136021350036,0.0,0.14867913574264385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808211361459201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457887234574204,0.0,0.18562628848145427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,_toborobot_,2020/04/17,"Ptsd flashbacks and intrusive thoughts are intense today I am having a hard time with not feeling drowned by all the mental images and frustration and memories from my childhood. I can’t stop crying in my bed. I keep thinking and realizing weird messed up things as I was growing up and it makes me in so much pain. I have obsessive intrusive thoughts trying to control whether or not I should grab certain objects, such as spoons, look at the window over and over again to avoid something bad happening. I did dishes, cooked, read workbooks, took 3 baths and I still feel unreal...or too real. I go into my meditation safe place and I just imagine me crying, screaming for these thoughts to leave me alone. Even typing this, choosing the right words, trying to control not choosing words that might make my intrusive thoughts stay. I have biweekly therapy sessions and on Monday I have one, i thought of writing here to see if would be able to relate to anyone and know I’m not alone.",7.2095954045954045,7.836463346153848,6.552837162837168,77.55125374625378,63.89010989010989,9.255544455544458,36.32567432567433,9.095868883498916,3.2892021978021986,787,36,136,12,11,242,126,182,0.205,0.748,0.047,-0.9753,0,3,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,8,10,1,2,4,0,13,3,0,4,2,50,31,16,1,3,8,0,4,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,5,12,2,6,13,3,0,3,5,8,0,1,8,7,20,2,23,19,2,23,0,0,2,0,1,11,0,3,8,93,25,3,0.12846277788610444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26609739108654074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982416120632486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726105364108016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881638576219719,0.0,0.0,0.28222065872110275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484845323245878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990928074761765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300835709855126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359921022984305,0.0,0.11507741632487245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418361949327288,0.0,0.0,0.07059978313432347,0.0,0.0,0.13602353322055116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787637924696952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149980353758615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946026534137509,0.13627870653270324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944349228629548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704970293844737,0.0,0.13669345297009722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421626098246814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016611284795095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849754173821892,0.146218765315626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970651040603983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236820184330424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889692254020614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692422871010929,0.10259054036197808,0.10740063449520183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690838215486673,0.0,0.08534496144521803,0.08231376096979065,0.0,0.5099254810501561,0.07490767885568159,0.0,0.1217676926776709,0.0,0.14272687299005826,0.17443558733291556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125627163313044,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,brynhildan,2020/04/17,"I'm reliving my past traumas again in real life, what do I do? I used to work in an environment where people were a lot more senior, therefore, a lot more mature in their wisdom and tact. I was very used to this environment and I thrived and I was very happy, it fitted well with my own personality. It was a very decent, civilised work environment, everyone knew their part they need to play, we supported each other, provided constructive criticism when needed. As long as you did your work right, didn't slack off and you got along with everybody, it was all fine. There was a real accountability when someone at work wasn't pulling their weight. But of course you cannot choose who you work with. In my current situation, I can see people who has had experience in a professional work environment were much more understanding and mature. However, the people who did not have any background in a professional work environment, has a tendency to  intimidate, gossip, competitive in a way that puts others down and also have a poor work ethic. It is definitely a very high school-esque kind of dynamic in this work place. This strongly reminds me of my traumatic experiences I had in high school which consisted of these kinds of people. I just don't understand how some people never moved on from their high school lives and still acts in that sort of way. The cumulative experiences I had in high school ultimately led me to witness a suicide of a friend and me having to deal with life long PTSD.

I am now reliving this or being triggered at work from this.",7.466942401960787,7.952495093750002,7.774697712418304,69.49595588235297,63.34027777777778,11.359803921568627,32.91339869281046,11.088447113337141,3.7370785947712406,1249,46,221,33,17,409,154,288,0.071,0.813,0.11599999999999999,0.883,2,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,1,5,5,11,11,13,0,0,15,0,27,3,0,6,2,39,38,16,1,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,19,15,1,0,4,1,2,5,6,2,1,0,16,2,28,11,38,21,11,42,0,0,1,0,18,24,0,5,11,161,47,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609919752837936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051865266269020514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862958206456076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728779198041904,0.0,0.2238159893367009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058924934470570324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060998970108476484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118934745988943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223278714147966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884402964718328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774154146034128,0.0,0.0,0.06734657488061095,0.1349906295010903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968167992736074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106145627398377,0.05606619972035706,0.11310440734817745,0.05882304942734945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825914661088171,0.07280701275314015,0.26437523545785435,0.06659480343590336,0.07968445852264845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915391699298587,0.07667101282643253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362073797522665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513297132645116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30875159725183504,0.060776203077855084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572910673458277,0.0,0.0,0.06462214090140543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090820589435113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342547418168862,0.08654870830765107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879661361456535,0.0,0.13174317261146906,0.0,0.2517183440857872,0.0,0.1210769361246843,0.0,0.09287461312557936,0.06857463473456102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552445226704205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,b00g13,2020/04/18,"Sharing CSA trauma with partner Hi, i have been diagnosed with ptsd quite recently, decades after the event. I’m doing better since diagnosis and my partner wants to work with me to help me. I just don’t know how to share that experience with her. Should I tell her everything, like I did to my therapist? Or maybe give some general information on a nature of my trauma. She doesn’t even know about CSA part yet. I know it’s hard to give advice on such topics, but guiding me to some helpful resources or sharing a story or a view on that would help me a lot.",4.262635135135138,5.480240162162161,5.341970720720724,81.47619932432436,70.8018018018018,8.432882882882884,28.289414414414416,8.841846274778883,2.1460711711711715,442,16,87,8,8,146,74,111,0.045,0.777,0.179,0.9325,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,1,0,22,15,6,0,3,5,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,15,5,16,11,4,7,0,0,1,0,16,3,0,6,5,61,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880314248732149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018060242014926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530310946496104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270921548009405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293545008131767,0.18822451121188905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691752203933447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723712837708867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869269134305917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172483961176478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940071063817866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358932324140393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331260411625711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083730262258288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249296732332928,0.0,0.0,0.20466325653065934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999237277043665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917251321294842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818430173115356,0.0,0.0,0.2234154344163699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349480112149025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008466847133486,0.0,0.0,0.13669024901584995,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,akniese,2020/04/18,"PTSD test Hi all, My therapist wants to test me on PTSD in two weeks and I’m really nervous about it. What can I expect from such a test? Ive tried googling it but I can’t really find an answer.",-1.3068992248062017,0.7185871860465127,1.4747674418604682,97.25385658914728,95.74418604651164,5.657364341085271,14.143410852713178,7.1686216300943375,-0.2355705426356587,151,3,37,3,6,52,35,43,0.045,0.955,0.0,-0.177,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,5,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,22,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672355327123441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6835672405857313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374619953213935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33948271433681104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19851092039294846,0.0,0.2856186641539583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724568548654262,0.0,0.23453443533101326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,spicyramyunn,2020/04/18,"How do I deal with PTSD/C-PTSD dreams? I have been having C-PTSD dreams for about two weeks and I feel like it is affecting me a lot. The dreams feel so real than other dreams and sometimes I ""dream"" PTSD dreams in my actual PTSD dreams so I feel like I can't wake up from these dreams. I'm not constantly thinking about the dreams the whole day, but it makes me so tired after I wake up so I feel like I have to sleep more no matter how much I actually slept. Also sometimes when I wake up after these dreams I just freeze and can't do anything.

I already take antidepressants and I actually tried taking xanax before I go to sleep but doesn't feel like they help at all. I can try therapy in my college (but via online because of this whole quarantine thing) but from my experience therapy is not really helpful so I'm not sure what other option I have to make these PTSD dreams go away.",5.0647865394274225,5.205799988950278,5.62616775489704,84.03308387744856,68.4475138121547,9.012757408337519,25.84681064791561,8.841846274778883,1.5603988950276242,702,17,150,11,11,227,95,181,0.078,0.7170000000000001,0.205,0.9413,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,0,4,0,13,8,6,5,2,30,28,17,0,0,8,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,6,11,0,2,7,0,0,1,2,6,23,5,20,26,6,15,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,10,99,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.2683752840151168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116208261695456,0.0733098848701002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543805939240134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612864970204244,0.0,0.0,0.05588226280951339,0.0,0.07800592807185856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906462113530992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591207106733548,0.0945095741155428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967258580064892,0.0,0.0,0.2317600178343065,0.26196133580199155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104198363940362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289131604872305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914479381278428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793606438388404,0.0,0.0,0.1223832425141956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738930207586766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6429563915642784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104342548776312,0.05872728607259861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347595732456767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813314578518371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639956248408301,0.0,0.13785153131615996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966932660872525,0.0,0.06090265352184904,0.05873957149352432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053632192136317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447823465285597,0.0,0.08955000316207949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353356787001727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469652466663865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ratedmformars,2020/04/18,"What do you guys do on the bad days? sometimes the meds work, and I'm in a good enough mindset to manage most of the symptoms while getting my responsibilities done and communicating in ways I mostly like and respect. 

other times, like today, I feel totally fucked in every sense of the word. I feel like less than a person, I can't get out of my head and feel undeserving of decency, kindness or respect. this normally ends up looking like: an increase in flashbacks, with an inability to pull myself out of them. more disassociation, difficulty eating or focusing on anything, completely unable to speak to anyone else. I begin to doubt my existing relationships, and have a hard time managing my emotions, which leads to passive aggression. I feel empty, hopeless, and oftentimes suicidal. 

the diagnoses is new, and I'm still struggling to make room for/make sense of it. 

what do the bad days look like for you, and how do you manage them?",7.777894736842108,8.257765883040936,8.123444444444448,67.27850000000001,62.68421052631579,11.050526315789476,36.39824561403509,10.793553405168565,4.133593684210527,750,33,125,18,10,247,107,171,0.191,0.6659999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.8964,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,3,2,2,2,16,2,2,11,0,8,5,1,3,1,26,21,12,1,1,2,0,5,5,0,0,2,1,1,2,6,11,1,0,4,0,0,3,1,7,0,0,1,8,16,9,25,20,7,24,0,1,2,1,9,10,1,5,15,85,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961710965321434,0.14597555341021615,0.117239226786279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23791006781659574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937524460689394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837604642066812,0.0,0.0,0.14460227002872347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579447884224225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578058216041298,0.1190139378075756,0.16025760024122904,0.12618457850474588,0.1472077815393375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003564125553184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28814490202652504,0.10177934289631203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170959706094187,0.1488675560002491,0.0,0.0,0.11949560478283765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106596165528038,0.0,0.0,0.1276235641578829,0.0,0.1462135217495935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483587538574579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480139414799448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392748889856688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950986600101169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825010334198886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759671906965676,0.0,0.0,0.13958863150421355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439777652427712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295757818099612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409047374879814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377532471633113,0.0,0.0,0.1489387431416674,0.0,0.15583713680714126,0.0,0.0,0.14807905696534646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614875904699827,0.0,0.13504323815312533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308466175427145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371857935426447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JoshSucksAtLife,2020/04/18,"Music video tribute to first responders. This video is a tribute to first responders by country singer Kevin Davidson.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q7uQxxxd18](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q7uQxxxd18)",25.70633333333333,34.44371829999999,7.66,52.01833333333333,41.0,8.666666666666668,41.66666666666666,8.841846274778883,5.719666666666668,186,7,12,3,3,35,15,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dawnelenor,2020/04/18,"Can PTSD lead to psychosis? Here I am again. I've been posting on reddit before about my severe anxiety and fear of psychosis.

But still, as a background note:
I am a 23 year old woman, currently unemployed, with no history of psychosis/schizophrenia in my family, but with history of trauma (bullying, abusive father, parental divorce, neurological illness of my twin brother). I'm currently living with my mother and twin brother.

So, because of the whole covid quarantine, I engaged in online therapy. I contacted a clinician psychologist  via a mental health website following a video evaluation and a series of tests for diagnosis. 
After all of them, I scored very high in most anxiety disorders which are: PTSD (highest), health anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder and OCD.
I also did a psychosis test which came out with 0 points result, meaning that I have no hallucination or delusion.
She adviced me to continue talk therapy and (optional) medication but accentuated the talk therapy. 
 I'm currently still trying to save some money for the upcoming sessions so right now I can't attend them.

The thing is this: for the past month I've been dealing with derealization and been stuck inside my head all day.
I have a huge fear of developing psychosis or schizophrenia after accidentally coming across on google while searching for symptoms of dissociation.

As mentioned, I don't have hallucinations or delusions, but I experience some things maybe related to my PTSD. For example:
- when my brother doesn't answer my phonecalls I get a panic attack and racing thoughts about something terribly happening to him (he is diagnosed with epilepsy).
- I tend to avoid songs, places, movies, topics that remind myself of my trauma experiences, otherwise I think they might reoccur.
- I have a tic that's lip picking, when i'm stressed or bored.
- I have agoraphobia due to a traumatic event when I passed out 5 years ago (due to hypoglycemia) and always go out feeling tense and stuck in my head.
- when I get derealization, I struggle to focus on my surroundings and my speech.
- when I send a text to a friend or say something that might upset them, I think about that a lot of get scared of them wanting to distance from me (it happens only ocasionally, but it's still concerning me).
- being stuck in my head, I became a bit less responsive to conversations with my family.

My traumas were triggered when I was 9,13,14 and 18.
Ever since the evaluation, I began to think a little more clear about my mental state but I still have the psychosis themed fear and the idea of losing my mind or losing control of myself terrifies me.
In the past year my self esteem has been very affected, I don't feel in control of myself and feel like I lost my independent life; I feel the need to rely on my mother and brother. Before that, I used to trust myself and my mother and brother relied on me too. They still do, but I feel like I'm the one who can't rely on myself.
All of this happened after getting the psychosis fear.

I read somewhere that PTSD can come with secondary psychosis in a much higher rate than in general population and it scared me badly considering my phobia.
I feel like I need more information on this, as my fear convinces me that because I have PTSD, I might get psychosis too.
Are there any important details about this? Does psychosis in PTSD manifest the same way as in regular psychosis? Why do some PTSD sufferers develop it and other PTSD sufferers don't?
Does my personal case suggest I might develop psychosis?",7.702049263072888,8.586714755905515,7.967559055118112,66.93926912982035,62.85826771653544,11.048253583686657,37.22693317181506,10.891193690592663,4.450902281445589,2830,133,448,72,39,926,295,635,0.21600000000000005,0.725,0.059000000000000004,-0.9988,6,2,2,0,1,0,91.0,0,0,6,6,26,33,1,13,30,0,36,12,4,9,5,92,74,45,0,3,13,10,6,3,1,4,8,3,0,3,22,32,0,3,14,3,1,9,8,25,0,1,14,9,80,8,80,55,15,76,0,5,0,0,35,29,0,16,38,318,102,6,0.0,0.06484475002127506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053480408790732716,0.04851383242709977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04376664973820932,0.045538795933617635,0.0,0.0,0.037217501676459805,0.0,0.1674697130495288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062261979405464386,0.0,0.0,0.0456963122506525,0.0667244104201303,0.0,0.09314045813806547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974974070052647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259523614733008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428813409562743,0.0,0.0,0.12276614083346038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03529558723083008,0.0564230517419532,0.0,0.05554864108129838,0.0,0.0,0.12544803057711948,0.0,0.09578718876487168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950538734775462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707065386368432,0.1031869973273083,0.3079259163343691,0.1660353368473875,0.11729492601149195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04228338163866042,0.0,0.14296785305073895,0.0,0.0311036724853204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451896510207957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850279956090844,0.11634843833606053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057824045636469375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178222155911525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03865661249212307,0.08021326991360825,0.05485269571946722,0.04832658624602679,0.0,0.0,0.12245519095296332,0.05974301595902951,0.04652851982932489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498249614132037,0.05961577308556305,0.0,0.05513356889505368,0.1103076374559512,0.2322346878176995,0.0552605473693976,0.0,0.043684054077101415,0.0,0.04023200943887733,0.08116151276003625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742873240683447,0.0,0.03708569207340275,0.04162376436780081,0.0,0.12842505093323042,0.06076992254102043,0.0,0.1044897795431369,0.0,0.04778712974620677,0.057180010476989826,0.0,0.05173646283088427,0.0,0.052415119628419694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118008708084202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474367061841005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046738147587279004,0.0,0.04352258629585272,0.1095862731973025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057094137121581776,0.06182803408837252,0.0,0.0452722787194568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426590080213467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853269230559969,0.0,0.06269172446284993,0.05721448760266886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056884241066141324,0.0,0.08797796949138041,0.0,0.0,0.1877616639582184,0.0,0.07271884574751056,0.10520413130718656,0.0,0.04344860173498751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03715730358692849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726816326457549,0.0,0.0903140826889405,0.03228049972866446,0.043441221817197416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938428381129401,0.061102817945956275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573077486027904
ptsd,C-Diver420,2020/04/18,"16 Years Later TW:ABUSE/SEXUAL ASSUALT 





16 years ago had my first ""boyfriend"". He seemed like prince charming those first few weeks. He was a bit older at 18 and I was 14. He would walk me to and from my classes and paid attention to me in a way that was totally new and exciting to me. 

Then it started. He wanted to know where I was all the time. He became controlling and verbally would berate me. Eventually he took what he wanted from me. 

Over and over for 12 months he took what he wanted and broke me down. And I kept his fucking secret for 14 years! 14 years the things he did and ingrained in me finally came to light. 

2 weeks ago I found out that one charge of sexual assault was approved. Yesterday he was arrested. I dont know how to feel about it. I'm relieved he may finally see justice. Im terrified I may have to testify and what his lawyer will try to do to me.16 years since it first happened.",1.1510067287784689,3.542898070652175,2.7695341614906823,90.8123188405797,84.59782608695653,6.765631469979298,21.80538302277433,7.957251820313856,1.1756426501035198,711,24,151,15,21,233,105,184,0.071,0.831,0.098,0.6317,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,5,3,7,2,0,4,0,16,1,0,2,2,31,34,12,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,2,7,0,1,4,1,3,0,4,14,3,17,4,22,15,4,35,0,1,1,1,15,8,1,3,23,89,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23933111897010045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738036127653362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439913896567178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140917748285534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821397696448306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825789156109066,0.0,0.0,0.2957624226762553,0.0,0.3444818681860978,0.0,0.14801583775185762,0.0,0.12480136668061716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937626824920075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581854161794258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838023314997206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595208927791225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775229476184338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303797063680676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147659273306633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757410987901636,0.12289503225383715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166985354677324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555066454142326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968515705864973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871708920254157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999704213076436,0.09165323167093016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388719175892103,0.10715331800019304,0.21657084550969347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179417074920208,0.0,0.0,0.4346640842916791
ptsd,im_a_treee,2020/04/18,my memory is just gone? im not really sure if this is a normal thing with PTSD but all my memory is just fucking gone with anything that happened before the trauma. one of my old friends recently tried reconnecting and i have no idea who she is. i cant remember anything about her. is this a normal thing to happen or is this something else?,4.1407352941176505,5.4565963088235305,5.505176470588236,79.81629411764708,71.20588235294117,8.969411764705884,26.835294117647056,9.3871,2.322302352941177,271,9,52,6,5,91,49,68,0.12,0.8220000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.5105,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,2,15,13,4,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,2,0,7,2,5,11,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,2,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33391523252233113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264075865701928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694849403470557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674896238671715,0.18756452909826807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588222490699273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22903322175355675,0.21915133479554572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975697522397727,0.0,0.0,0.21289437758036728,0.0,0.1374805781045697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23716248659286435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997375291915633,0.0,0.20032511901255806,0.0,0.22982990954938276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619129789798794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121733929177828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695764429224384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774604954997174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kaisavbb,2020/04/18,"Watched my brother burn when i was 10 3 years ago my brother got struck by 25.000 volt, and i watched a video of him and his burning skin. he was in the hospital for 4 months, and it lead to my PTSD today. i didn't take all my nightmares and fears seriously after that, so i've secretly been suffering in 3 years without telling anyone. i have on purpose  sprained my ankle 2 times and i'm about to break my foot... i can't help it.. i told my dad about my nightmares and anxiety and next friday i'm going to a therapist for the first time... i just wanted to let that out... we need to stick together, we PTSD people had been through hell and worse.",3.0330075187969925,4.2119197067669205,4.058654135338347,89.65279323308273,73.73684210526315,7.4252631578947375,27.58571428571429,7.908726449838941,1.49094045112782,503,19,111,7,10,163,88,133,0.166,0.8340000000000001,0.0,-0.9599,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,2,5,4,1,1,4,0,9,2,2,1,1,18,17,10,0,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,4,0,1,8,3,19,0,18,8,1,18,1,1,2,0,12,4,1,0,11,67,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947284683293654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488503306999368,0.0,0.0,0.14156810963122762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278292109831309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221647239672488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115065422965461,0.0,0.16192961200516925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570790101869354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070339957818056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160548763494242,0.0,0.0,0.15012509854998285,0.0,0.0,0.2153236329006912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036361343588213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473341079750759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222834752385392,0.0,0.17696317661028033,0.0,0.0,0.2350772609044467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361177293513144,0.0,0.1919129756963467,0.19346381187502204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941899647278785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951688614311697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632894855431896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26076141192021074
ptsd,DarthArterius,2020/04/18,"I'm undiagnosed and just want to feel normal. I experienced regular sexual abuse as a child. I haven't received therapy for this then or to this day. I had an appointment to start going but they pushed it back another month due to the covid-19 pandemic. My problem is that I can't sleep. When I do I relive it. And in the past month it's evolved to me inflicting this trauma on others, people in my life I'd never ever hurt. I wake up feeling so empty and hollow. I don't even cry, I just... Writhe in whatever this emotional pain is and can't breathe for what feels like forever but it's probably like 10-20 seconds. I've tried everything I can to sleep. Over the counter supplements, drinking warm caffeine free tea, alcohol, reading before bed, meditation, etc. I can't go back to sleep so I've started journaling my dreams and thoughts hoping that if they exist outside of me then I'll be able to sleep but it doesn't work. My only coping mechanism besides going numb to it and everything is to look at old photos of me with my ex when I and we seemed happy. Her presence helped when we were together more than I think I ever knew and reminiscing about it calms me down enough to attempt sleep again. But it doesn't help once I'm asleep. I'm lucky to get 4 hrs in total a night. Most nights it's less. I'm barely functioning through the day. Idk if this is ptsd but any research I've done made it seem like it and I just don't know what to do to get myself out of feeling like this and to allow myself to sleep. I feel like I have no escape but to allow myself to be numb again and to fall back into old destructive habits. I just want to be free from what happened to me...

So if anyone has any sleep advice or just advice in general I'd really really appreciate it. Thanks.",2.6762234895740526,4.470204629834257,4.252038852254504,85.37634200677245,75.9060773480663,7.764890393869186,24.3846016752807,8.558390810932622,1.6207241846373202,1404,46,288,28,31,469,190,362,0.09300000000000001,0.713,0.19399999999999998,0.9891,0,0,2,0,1,0,37.0,2,0,2,2,21,20,1,0,7,0,23,17,10,3,4,58,52,31,0,8,16,1,6,5,0,0,5,0,1,1,24,16,3,0,11,3,2,6,10,7,0,1,6,8,36,15,44,43,6,43,0,1,1,0,10,12,0,10,30,186,60,3,0.08340219280574017,0.0988179604473094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629993150981275,0.0,0.08913157988286016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343270218191705,0.0874544711279713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831675240734568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923934144724645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096912321592637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161339253183956,0.10757502933688212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534939986312577,0.0,0.08170239740320881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381624127820272,0.0,0.08617675997977699,0.09301549135241192,0.05508636176337748,0.1508841165168842,0.0,0.0,0.14991302617872487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085327319042446,0.17874762961490065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714840688487159,0.0,0.14219816452736878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375228365814447,0.08878318509918394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180546358983122,0.0,0.0,0.08283719602588664,0.0,0.0,0.08928377236372546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583566401026117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890943527456397,0.2037304929870104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003683657781233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891717141344919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314166918841802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432491267388155,0.0,0.0,0.1565346162574036,0.08171644098739186,0.0,0.0,0.17503314318139135,0.08882061338499979,0.0,0.06343112587550982,0.08874581343712014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961683018790322,0.05782057917608245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992167002245396,0.07980463480292259,0.09749270024144527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342476262358496,0.0,0.10685916069311643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185244792609767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5842369741035975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806500267326688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678553369753384,0.09537767604654053,0.0,0.0,0.05344075751697318,0.0,0.06621202497241843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662461425137848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838554838626004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071778967790108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,rpw89,2020/04/18,"Trouble making connections Hey y’all

The past few years have really made apparent the difficulty I have letting people in and creating close friendships and wondered if anyone else had similar issues?

I keep everyone at an arms length and I don’t allow opportunities for friendships to start - I have great rapport with the majority of people and am able to have conversations but I just can’t seem to move it into friendship. I do actively try to stop connections forming - I leave class quickly for example, don’t ask people for coffee etc.

I’ve been exploring with my therapist and through my own self-reflection and a lot of it seems to stem from traumatic experiences  - I know I’m protecting myself as I have been hurt and betrayed in the past and I think there’s a little bit of me that doesn’t believe “normal” people could understand my experience, again from situations in the past where my experiences were dismissed. I find it hard to see how I can change that. Even though I have a partner and family I’m close to, I’m just so lonely.",5.3851700680272065,7.2542217346938775,6.363142857142857,72.71519047619049,68.89795918367346,10.124625850340136,31.434013605442185,10.355215969177356,3.642246666666667,844,36,145,24,15,280,123,196,0.145,0.7659999999999999,0.09,-0.932,1,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,9,0,19,1,1,4,0,35,34,15,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,14,0,3,8,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,2,20,2,24,27,7,19,0,2,1,0,5,9,0,5,8,103,25,1,0.1254016722231094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768376495250696,0.12848883247658566,0.0,0.0,0.11723363554718805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128474191826196,0.0,0.0,0.13690614731928205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265834154369913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001230312432142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475700595128656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398560129637722,0.08282662181202567,0.0,0.0,0.11982667177978308,0.0,0.3680006943855472,0.11821753610892535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461485656907885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382557863327712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233526691325672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342450837339138,0.0,0.0,0.13088676542364572,0.0,0.1114627681306936,0.0,0.0,0.06891747951677052,0.0,0.0,0.13278226431220494,0.0,0.1282317060713636,0.0,0.0,0.1256854197689089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661201731785193,0.0,0.11865809434309235,0.08370658996886889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328213183131202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286701348258434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35913025689580835,0.3477509199058084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033552231945923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992889695258343,0.22832194526898195,0.13082129321718866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409567337028763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875994903838161,0.0,0.0,0.10484141309369982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560100678407226,0.0,0.08035232806297275,0.1232065062601386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513950385753716,0.0,0.0,0.13054756331175812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599276424876605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075456545635776
ptsd,hellmouthx,2020/04/18,"Not self diagnosing, but I need insight and advice I think I may have PTSD from my last relationship but my brain keeps telling me that what I went through wasn't traumatic enough for me to have PTSD.. I don't have health insurance but I think i need to see a doctor. I'll give you the gist of my experience:

it started when he was 22 and I was 16. I was a fan, and he was a band member. It got sexual very quickly but it was all consensual. There was never ever any sexual or physical abuse, it was purely emotional manipulation. on and off, for about three years (I'm 20 now)

\- lying / not telling the full truth

\- ghosting, and then love-bombing (this was the most traumatic, I have abandonment issues now)

\- hot/cold games

\- self victimizing when I would bring up that I'm hurt

\- he attempted suicide multiple times, and then would ghost me so I wouldn't know if he was alive or dead

​

I have intrusive thoughts, and there are certain words or phrases my OCD makes me repeat outloud when I get a surge of anxiety. I'm constantly triggered by little things. Anxiety has no end. I feel like I cant connect emotionally with people and I'm irritable. When I read back my list \^\^ I think to myself ""yeah he was a dick, but he didn't traumatize you""... but my brain and body are saying something completely different. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm going crazy or im over reacting.

I apologize if this wasn't the place to turn to... I just don't know who else to turn to. When I talk to my friends or family about my ex, I don't think they get how fucked up I am over it...",1.9271389810069337,4.036983255451716,3.630318560948648,87.47810973771483,79.37383177570094,7.6310320570796915,23.75047733896091,8.558390810932622,1.5718742035976292,1239,43,266,28,31,413,170,321,0.18899999999999997,0.696,0.115,-0.9867,1,0,1,0,1,1,61.0,0,2,1,1,17,9,2,0,9,1,32,8,4,5,6,59,63,32,4,7,16,1,2,2,1,4,3,1,0,2,13,11,0,2,11,3,0,3,13,4,0,1,16,4,41,5,25,43,4,32,0,2,1,2,23,9,2,9,22,169,54,2,0.0,0.1238583271649044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215158461929637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326495101904145,0.12702294972261005,0.07108821450296178,0.0,0.15993984480081835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803819007740321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161161747480894,0.0,0.23339398811454495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096042380985324,0.11296651697043734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061020631331908,0.0,0.10921810081198624,0.0,0.1069972510548102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873265982648869,0.2351783552912547,0.09258806319075193,0.10801385986182108,0.0,0.0,0.09455899607187568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225648238028076,0.09854744501240778,0.0,0.10571330789016152,0.14936139333765766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076442448959159,0.09664205119208212,0.10923172106554573,0.1002806679542697,0.05941034303398333,0.0,0.08360716493845972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111711384364532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190818589946172,0.0,0.11291705642823395,0.10910865462932624,0.0,0.09291659575081407,0.0,0.0,0.1723511184537346,0.08521097180703355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214223381915367,0.10477275538990702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943480201862534,0.0,0.06977873878654177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502456555593128,0.08062477754804191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247225281758454,0.0,0.10921810081198624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443944948475946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456450928468657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122327790126414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831313981583071,0.0,0.0,0.08330183322812275,0.0,0.2181081525484378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047708956370303,0.0,0.0,0.07399127477250499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143456580918307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840222541145753,0.1827385283232467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944921974943465,0.2679303559197395,0.0,0.08299008210817523,0.060955910714279186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274107787076697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625332966519983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690612352061696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851906321924954,0.0,0.12702294972261005,0.06731789851785333
ptsd,mamaola,2020/04/18,"Again I smell blood , i smell it everywhere and it has to stop",2.4607692307692304,3.6334704615384577,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,75.15384615384616,8.276923076923078,20.69230769230769,8.841846274778883,0.7662923076923076,48,1,12,1,1,15,10,13,0.18,0.82,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Dirtroads2,2020/04/18,I was molested for years. By more than 1 person. Dont know where to turn Can someone talk? I am finally willing to talk about it. Took me 20 years,-1.6779569892473134,-0.09436906451612614,0.8895161290322591,97.88760752688174,110.61290322580645,4.6473118279569885,18.06989247311828,6.42735559955562,0.16822150537634384,113,4,26,2,6,38,27,31,0.1,0.9,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,6,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531064840799216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33004552188716113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557962652789968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26307245836860915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552797605047059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4843266553001773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347412878057316,0.0,0.32771407703637273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880382997881617
ptsd,tlbrush,2020/04/18,"Hey All, New Here I’m having a hard time. Actually, I’ve been having a hard time since . . . Birth? 

I grew up a Jehovahs Witness. Lots of abuse. Lots. Physical. Emotional. Psychological. Sexual. Just bad. So bad.

I didn’t realize what I went through until I started working with teens. I became a licensed chemical dependency counselor and the stories I was told triggered something. I had to go see a therapist for myself and was diagnosed with compassion fatigue. After several years of seeing a psychiatrist, compassion fatigue, PTSD,  anxiety, depression, and who else knows what else.

This had been years since my diagnoses. I’ve drank. A lot.

Still do.

I have a wife. Two young boys. 

It’s hard to not repeat the mistakes that were made to me in the past but I am trying my damnest. 

Within the past two years I’ve had self harm thoughts. Pretty bad ones. Admitted these to my wife over the winter which went over as well as a shark in a seal pool. She didn’t understand, still doesn’t, so I pretty much had to fake my way out of it.

So I’ve cut a few times. Upper arms, deep enough to feel but would stop bleeding within reason. I like the pain. Not sure why. I like hurting myself. So, here I am, laying on a heading pad, tears in my eyes, because I just want the pain to end. The emotional pain, psychological pain, the physical pain from my Crohn’s disease and recently diagnosed joint disease. I don’t know what I want from posting this? I’m hurting. I have been for a long time. It’s sucks and I just wish I could sink into blackness.",1.3286616161616145,3.99114836026936,2.919891414141418,87.35317045454548,88.96632996632998,6.337003367003367,23.249915824915824,7.645422480735847,1.4823859259259256,1201,47,233,25,40,393,163,297,0.231,0.6579999999999999,0.111,-0.9904,0,0,1,0,1,1,56.0,0,0,0,1,12,22,2,0,22,0,23,15,3,4,2,39,44,14,0,6,7,2,4,2,0,1,11,0,0,2,12,9,1,1,8,1,0,4,6,18,1,3,18,8,29,4,32,24,7,42,0,5,4,0,9,13,1,4,25,149,41,1,0.0,0.10167182033366116,0.083739007099597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564506213269028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494541566749328,0.0523094951085414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851297784823394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390875571424144,0.2612886064304583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336790125247514,0.19305130331449874,0.07600293933599292,0.08866554235626799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043388541944279546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048768281157795926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306089885025838,0.0,0.08806668418057349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372457033894107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431879336570984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384568953134074,0.0,0.0,0.07593989818880628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188599373238184,0.0,0.0811962970786796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308084515692708,0.0,0.0,0.08287664955737409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058147649889920015,0.0,0.4565439500218487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383232395726924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218306993055867,0.1746009593900769,0.0,0.0,0.10030828665075528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822784121867416,0.08472785789159845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676026820801668,0.0,0.08951942677898125,0.09694183062397567,0.0,0.14196723671692346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606138140557123,0.0,0.0,0.0607373582957634,0.0,0.1370573045425354,0.07174170941166971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087570660026773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963300579909072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812422636989272,0.20014797694354666,0.0,0.0,0.08199594046781605,0.0,0.05825993149999055,0.0,0.16764945501022938,0.08933211671940461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012269202245908,0.06811265519912893,0.0,0.0,0.07715425580758671,0.15909502744538132,0.07743094127621848,0.0,0.09867823773098544,0.0,0.0,0.06247131771638045,0.0,0.0,0.06095756279530105,0.0,0.0,0.16577811375332818
ptsd,womensocialjustice,2020/04/18,"New Subreddit during COVID-19 for Trauma Survivors and People currently in abusive homes (mod approved post) Hello!! It’s a particularly challenging time to be a trauma survivor or for those who had to return or be quarantined in an abusive home during COVID-19. In addition to this wonderful subreddit, a new subreddit has been created specifically for support for trauma survivors & victims during COVID-19 called r/COVIDTraumaSupport

People who are currently living in abusive homes as well as those who have survived abuse and other trauma in the past are joining together on this subreddit. We hope you might join others on this subreddit in navigating the difficulties of being in this difficult situation during COVID-19 ♥️ 

Healthy wishes to all of you (:",12.657380952380954,12.236198388888884,11.517460317460325,49.89142857142861,53.2063492063492,14.74920634920635,49.57142857142857,13.5591,7.389057142857144,631,36,78,20,6,202,77,126,0.215,0.58,0.205,-0.6899,2,1,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,2,0,3,1,10,1,0,6,0,10,0,0,0,1,11,14,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,12,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,0,3,4,21,8,1,17,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,5,7,58,15,1,0.0,0.6682068539547477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276408602508898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439679483429042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242775071319462,0.14003623910150628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449795915334524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495695585175692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723406794788569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345922122377621,0.1954913212648856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350307548994981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848020255544787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999533117701126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221319926698535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676817030819573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162133112625579,0.0,0.15289912200753505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pittshhburhgfool43,2020/04/19,"My son has PTSD I’m a single father and my son (13) watched his mom die. It was so quick, we didn’t think anything was wrong with her, she just collapsed when I was at work. 

It’s been a few months and he wakes up screaming frequently. Like vocal cord ripping level screams. It takes forever to get him to calm down,afterwards I’ll carry him to my room. It’s horrible. He stays around me and often snuggles with me, I think he’s afraid of losing me. 

He has quick mood changes and blames himself for it. No matter how many time I tell him now one is to blame he never listens. He’s in therapy. 

Just wanted a small vent. It’s breaking me seeing him like this. I love him so much.",0.2876971214017523,2.5666985957446826,1.871656236962874,96.41647058823533,87.86524822695034,4.736086775135585,19.641635377555282,6.2272716619740125,-0.0436845223195661,526,16,117,5,17,170,95,141,0.18100000000000002,0.73,0.08900000000000001,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,2,11,10,0,1,3,0,8,2,1,1,1,17,17,8,1,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,7,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,5,21,4,12,12,3,17,0,1,2,1,23,7,0,1,10,71,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780144003506065,0.19234187887694887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285660060915497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423928305516752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288400033376066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111149370174908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24171923130683104,0.0,0.0,0.19500529403549,0.0,0.0,0.21905397055157935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25305037538649416,0.17245942601059602,0.0,0.15883116623826987,0.0,0.16664110620725706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640988120965925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525660858295047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217423799966752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302944109337919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624524873549461,0.0,0.1888485862074268,0.0,0.24708687168302124,0.0,0.0,0.2768888935561091,0.0,0.0,0.12598807339648868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743955596966586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729643800190266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362309734192965,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Confusion274,2020/04/19,"DAE have dreams about their abusers but not the abuse itself? Like I had this dream the other day completely unrelated to any of my trauma, I was just going through a library book about my city history and then boom, his faced showed up on the page as the city Mayor. This took me completely by surprise and then it was like I having flashbacks in my dream. What the hell? Before that happened, it was just a regular dream. I just don't understand why",3.38887931034483,5.673775517241381,3.7064224137931054,87.85894396551727,75.4367816091954,7.108620689655173,24.66810344827586,8.07648339933343,1.435713793103448,358,12,70,6,8,111,63,87,0.11800000000000001,0.6559999999999999,0.226,0.8566,1,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,7,0,7,1,1,0,0,8,11,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,6,0,2,2,2,0,0,5,1,10,3,10,6,1,8,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,5,51,18,1,0.0,0.5780185867843192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658762483902881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756081243178964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5114980014782331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731038707214914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862726595343958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570062051082148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383372640118697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271007826596994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539328188043997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22010289135662092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BastionOfUgliness,2020/04/19,Up well into the night involuntarily going through every trauma I have this gift of remembering the layout of every house I've ever been in after the age of about 5. Every house I stepped into with my mom  had walls that held traumatic memories. Its weird how a vague memory can be mostly a feeling and somewhat just a flash of a picture. Others are clear in every way. Bits and pieces of things you didnt remember the day before come rushing back in no chronological order. There are few if any good memories of childhood but you know you had them. Pulling yourself back into the now feels impossible.,5.0215830875122895,7.027181522123897,5.910206489675512,75.0521730580138,70.06194690265487,8.208062930186825,27.59980334316617,8.841846274778883,2.3437579154375614,484,17,82,9,9,159,84,113,0.075,0.8490000000000001,0.076,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,1,0,9,4,0,0,9,0,9,0,0,1,2,21,15,5,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,5,0,0,5,2,2,1,0,5,2,7,2,17,9,5,24,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,3,9,64,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491448074995185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25987554909702243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379239472860994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844860648421251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556420343139365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898028875379584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285512528076806,0.5695030822326052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708861302748232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603713876710566,0.14173522656534113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899682228877593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928688363805564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791127106863568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585794378570318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828504152952747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226503692342817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413112711496686,0.0,0.0,0.15193633639641796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WaterPenis420,2020/04/19,"T break got me breaking apart 2 years ago last month I was raped and lost all my friends. Had PTSD afterwards. Over time the panic attacks slowly went from once a night to once a week to once a month. The last bad panic attack I remember was on the one year anniversary, about a year ago. A wee bit after this, I slowly started smoking weed about every day or two, up from once or twice a month. Since then I never had any problems with PTSD, it was like it was just gone.

Recently I decided to take a tolerance break for a month, cuz I realised smoking that often is pretty dumb. I'm a week in and the PTSD has just come barreling back (I honestly didn't realize the weed was helping with my PTSD, I'd just assumed it had gone away over time). The past couple nights when trying to sleep my mind is taken back to the event, and I spend my evenings trying to force my thoughts away and fighting off panic attacks.

I'm too determined to stop smoking for a month to go back, even though it helps. How else can I help myself? I've been away from the PTSD for so long that I've kinda forgotten how to cope as well as I used to.",3.737413043478263,4.586642513043479,4.4327717391304375,88.88524456521742,71.69565217391305,7.663043478260869,25.67934782608696,7.865858978985527,1.2188043478260877,878,26,190,11,16,281,129,230,0.158,0.727,0.115,-0.9109,0,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,18,16,6,3,18,0,14,2,1,4,2,28,28,15,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,5,0,1,5,2,12,1,3,17,0,17,4,32,11,2,51,0,1,0,1,5,10,1,5,34,117,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208844922096164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450174550766622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735315163704154,0.225898243523192,0.18488102127925515,0.06691821505308565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749822032973441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903832414042642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867956443033262,0.0,0.05168727147569562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695135147169548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587080487445,0.0,0.06752611126793512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061920279477851475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554858240850043,0.0,0.06409974505554022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115968690846466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306586958853601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039155084088967486,0.0,0.0,0.07092631990768941,0.0,0.0,0.08748837253949694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092419301874347,0.0,0.3198572030372488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618132152883444,0.0,0.0,0.15042240296310674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414097256560486,0.05430872198062421,0.0,0.0,0.28210072388600715,0.0,0.0,0.07650802870003258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153687190296684,0.0,0.07668850010089079,0.4684294947759341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913409547866057,0.0,0.09078932335486416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629725538188443,0.0,0.08020346429776723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672745694394755,0.0,0.0,0.06700529700218401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025950501378166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874262947203753,0.06362664143902001,0.09346706922282473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882718144011133,0.0,0.0782905900719132,0.0,0.0,0.06922005209420502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857590654054968,0.0,0.07206050521746979,0.07429575941923659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483338548240302
ptsd,railcow,2020/04/19,"Anti-anxiety medication prescriptions have spiked 34% during the coronavirus pandemic Americans are also filling more prescriptions for antidepressants and anti-insomnia drugs. 

The coronavirus is taking a toll on mental health.

The number of prescriptions for antidepressant, anti-anxiety and anti-insomnia medications filled per week increased 21% between Feb. 16 and March 15, 2020, according to a new report by Express Scripts, a Cigna-owned US:CI pharmacy benefit manager. The study analyzed prescription claims filled between Jan. 19 and March 15 of this year among a sample of more than 31.5 million commercially-insured individuals, and found that claims peaked during the week ending March 15, when the novel coronavirus that causes COVID-19 was declared a pandemic.

Anti-anxiety drugs saw the biggest spike, jumping 34.1%, which was more than double the number of insomnia aids (14.8%), and almost twice as high as antidepressants (18.6%).

Express Scripts noted that this is a sharp u-turn from the 12.1% decline in the use of anti-anxiety meds like Pfizer’s US:PFE Xanax and Roche’s US:RHHBY Valium that it recorded between 2015 and 2019, as well as the 11.3% decline in the use of anti-insomnia meds during that same window.

“This analysis, showing that many Americans are turning to medications for relief, demonstrates the serious impact COVID-19 may be having on our nation’s mental health,” the report concluded.

It’s the latest in a series of recent warnings about the implications of the COVID-19 pandemic on the public’s psychological health.

More than 4 in 10 Americans are feeling lonelier now than ever before as a result of social distancing during the coronavirus outbreak, according to a survey of 1,055 people commissioned by the University of Phoenix published this week. More than one in five people (22%) also say their sleep quality has suffered since the coronavirus spread. Recent findings from the Axios/Ipsos Coronavirus Index also revealed that some 35% of Americans said their mental health had worsened during the pandemic, and 43% said their emotional well-being had also gotten worse.

That’s not surprising considering more than 20 million Americans are out of work as non-essential businesses have temporarily closed, and COVID-19 cases have surpassed more than 2 million worldwide, with more than 137,000 deaths and climbing (although more than 525,000 have also recovered.)

America was already in the grip of a loneliness epidemic and a mental health crisis even before the COVID-19 outbreak hit. Almost one in five U.S. adults reported experiencing a mental health condition in 2018, and the teen suicide rate climbed more than 50% over the past decade. Mental health conditions cost the health care system more than $200 billion a year, making it one of the country’s most expensive health conditions. They also lead to more than $193 billion in lost earnings per year.


https://www.marketwatch.com/story/anti-anxiety-medication-prescriptions-have-spiked-34-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic-2020-04-16",16.492318840579706,13.688832693581775,13.540010351966874,45.78053312629405,48.15113871635611,16.447619047619053,51.2639751552795,14.314028922438442,7.4524857142857135,2513,118,309,69,18,764,250,483,0.064,0.885,0.05,-0.8629,0,0,2,0,0,1,110.0,1,0,4,7,12,9,0,0,42,0,19,17,1,7,1,35,33,27,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,16,3,1,1,16,16,0,0,5,2,2,8,1,3,1,11,11,9,5,6,64,19,17,46,0,2,1,0,13,19,0,5,19,199,21,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253277882783433,0.0,0.06905755443043976,0.3002667343579028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914912539647609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650035041521594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380352751368709,0.06428593802247487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451436958830976,0.0,0.0,0.07039302529050284,0.05542647720036704,0.0,0.0,0.041332882280716174,0.0566063470738085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031641855589299515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719613175752007,0.0,0.0,0.06861471481113282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5986675785520168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611821807426352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03057297020193724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831244189358496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041772011867820716,0.06344534980710173,0.0,0.0,0.13902246770211432,0.18912547321575654,0.3783898730169185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043925099827315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127215582148635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973879857696755,0.08676888855915303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235785543215338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905404268424935,0.04976538428245552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051766049299117343,0.0,0.06262425892117232,0.06379147607013788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845134019199209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04705166887098916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361361055278816,0.0,0.0,0.2258247303620973,0.1080964395450736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059145386150102,0.0,0.112532189880854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04555830468314625,0.0,0.06377341358419415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208965985071748
ptsd,universemessages,2020/04/19,"Anxiety attacks/panic during sex Disclaimer, I am not diagnosed with ptsd, I have been in the past but for some reason it's not on my file anymore. No one educated me on it back then. I'm getting an assessment soon so I can get an accurate diagnosis. Then therapy will continue after that.

I have gone through a ton of sexual abuse in my life. I don't want to get into detail because it's a very long history. But let's just say it started as a child and continued well into my 20s.

For the past year, anxiety attacks have been getting more and more frequent during sex. These attacks can present in a few different ways. Tonight, I felt sudden panic, started thrashing around uncontrollably, voiced that we needed to stop, and then curled up into a catatonic ball for 30 mins while unable to talk. I also completely forgot why I had started to panic and I've never had that happen before. Thankfully I've been with my fiance for a while now and he's really respectful and helpful in these situations.

Other attacks can present as suddenly bursting into tears, or just going straight into catatonic mode where I can't move, can't talk, stare off without blinking, and tense up my whole body. These are my most common attacks (they happen all the time outside of sex, but mostly in public or while driving) and I've had some last up to several hours. I've been getting pretty good at snapping our of it about 10 to 20 minutes in, though.

My question is, do you experience anxiety attacks or anything similar during sex, and do you have any tips for helping your sex life? I'm worried since it's become more frequent that it's going to become a serious issue. I am definitely looking forward to figuring this out in therapy, but in the meantime I was curious if anyone had any experience with this.",6.4618045112781965,7.0365452807017554,7.3573350041771075,71.3207894736842,65.49122807017544,10.256975772765246,36.168755221386796,10.181067101454742,3.9234685045948208,1434,68,242,32,21,481,187,342,0.151,0.7490000000000001,0.1,-0.9512,1,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,2,3,1,0,12,13,5,3,13,0,27,9,1,1,2,47,48,28,0,3,13,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,17,20,0,2,4,1,0,6,8,9,1,1,12,5,25,4,47,34,11,64,0,0,2,5,15,25,0,9,34,178,42,0,0.0,0.10632832635584118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176578852319254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205381817665527,0.0,0.2059546952298425,0.0,0.08899888749129198,0.0627489441586615,0.0,0.07384913816940378,0.07988845301897206,0.0,0.5104663109667968,0.0,0.06900523504749795,0.0,0.05470523739180881,0.1982236110549632,0.07636292087322055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968194150861368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409165669586307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910851539342497,0.0,0.09376017045378446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556769705204997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616536512625235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344296574909365,0.0,0.10200367609711744,0.07527043354125078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871521433541744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030290614310467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837673816149373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366621448251754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315083472210758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176618006765726,0.1267733442576367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941789820965219,0.07535977855510484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538040539386354,0.0,0.06654176177293877,0.06921373682111537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060810776024570176,0.0,0.0,0.21058328890795136,0.0,0.0,0.17133574231479615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129878727038304,0.0,0.0,0.10490234367984104,0.0,0.10053037869060526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749033708476184,0.09226862137398613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136558870220612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138170606458727,0.0,0.0742346238512086,0.1008725642278231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055727438546105,0.0,0.0,0.07502743500230644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426071885749545,0.0,0.08262139037722993,0.2052531466918043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881700071328903,0.0,0.052328657395123455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404566488056041,0.05293152504949061,0.07123217236800182,0.0,0.0,0.08068787265073771,0.0,0.08097723014143718,0.10019254242922652,0.0,0.08650705317288916,0.0,0.0,0.09113626955883923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779021602371433
ptsd,BlessedBreasts,2020/04/19,"I can't seem to deal with my anger.... I was raped. Told by a doc I have ptsd. Although I don't have the flashbacks as much as I used to, I find my anger is always right under the surface. I know this sounds like a cop out but I feel like I have to defend myself from everyone, everywhere, in every situation. It's as if I need to be ready at any given moment to pull out my shield and hypothetical sword to fight. 

I know it's affected people. I don't want to be this way. I don't have the money for therapy or ptsd meds right now and I don't know what to do. 

I don't want this anger. 

Do any of you experience anger like this? Am I crazy?",-0.3119761904761873,1.5666098499999992,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,86.21428571428572,5.7333333333333325,16.476190476190478,7.0316486544052195,-0.24675238095238106,489,10,121,7,15,170,78,140,0.192,0.726,0.083,-0.9346,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,5,0,17,1,0,2,0,19,28,9,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,3,2,21,3,21,23,1,12,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,3,5,79,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496370772945653,0.0,0.0,0.2445878535387361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854019277763366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151869411704402,0.17183999290409602,0.0,0.17591308004206818,0.0,0.0,0.0909299496692834,0.1284741178739639,0.0,0.0,0.16436587820556886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29649774166042026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26357480526294863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975607870683484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219937380199234,0.1333453301655247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467490484678795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204348451385454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071561142423416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371497627413406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021420086155936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056569279494353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183999290409602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531964899344067,0.0,0.0,0.21214261527892056,0.14274460563924551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DanLirosi,2020/04/19,Coping methods Does anyone else watch or listen to horror things because other people’s stress is better than your own? I’d rather listen to horror about fictional beings than real problems.,9.370909090909091,10.558041393939394,8.366212121212126,64.4693181818182,59.30303030303031,7.8121212121212125,28.62121212121212,7.1686216300943375,2.2586484848484853,158,4,18,1,2,49,29,33,0.309,0.622,0.069,-0.875,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,5,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384123144600579,0.3493613663784359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785054528870106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015579322047029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983828450651065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848344874137184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23638384401965504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32625972645225465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880955167097713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905769727344384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265235713019507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EllieKong,2020/04/19,"How do you stop ptsd symptoms from arising during shelter at home orders? My symptoms have started coming out this last week. I can’t sleep and my thoughts are starting to encompass the abusive events. I used to get dissociation, and I can feel that starting to creep in. Any tips right now?! Getting harder and harder to do the things I love!",3.9944270833333313,6.506627921875001,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,74.46875,5.5166666666666675,29.416666666666664,6.42735559955562,1.492529166666666,273,12,48,2,6,84,50,64,0.109,0.8290000000000001,0.062,-0.4843,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,6,4,1,2,0,10,16,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,8,15,0,15,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,8,31,10,0,0.0,0.2553601923641312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656342085203514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565447513032896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897519470911028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22520434388255303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161877173129088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568047825487074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945184400226854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519355244235048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405595448690787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156792224207092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576460846435835,0.0,0.0,0.18018735826479806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44802303151362605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318428579406484,0.0,0.0,0.17110164343850098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614316903035247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288001077950654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,androidis4lyf,2020/04/19,"I never wanted to acknowledge I had PTSD until today. A little over a year ago, my mother (50F) and myself (27F) were walking in a dog park with out four little dogs. We would frequent this dog park 3 to 4 times a week, it was off lead and had a little lake so the dogs could swim and run. It was a beautiful spot.

They had just had a run and were playing in the water, when I turned around and a big red nose pittbull was lurking behind us. As soon as I saw him, I felt a bit uneasy, and this was odd because my dogs were so socialised that I never worried about them around other dogs. But this dog would not leave them alone, and was standing over my small male dog.

The owner came and was hanging around, and I asked her what breed he was, she told me he was an American Staffy and started to walk away. She wasn't telling me the truth, because I know my dogs, and I knew it was illegal that she a) had him off lead b) wasn't muzzled and c) wasn't desexed. That alone where I live is worth a HUGE amount in fines and grounds to have your dog taken off you. I kindly asked her to put him on a lead while we walked away, as he was now not leaving the dogs alone, and she told me to ""fuck off, it's a dog park and the dogs are allowed to be off lead"". I then told her ""I'm not actually asking you now, I'm telling you, put the dog on a lead now"" and again, she told me to go fuck myself.

Her dog started to growl, and I went and grabbed his harness as he started to lunge at my male dog. I heard behind me ""don't touch my fucking dog, you bitch"" and as I turned around she was coming at me with one fist raised and swinging the metal clip of the lead at me. Instinctively I put my hand up and, without thinking, put it around her neck to try and push her back. I was TERRIFIED. I have never had a history of violence or being attacked, I've had abusive relationships in the past but never physically abusive. She started to hit me, and I panicked and tried to hit her back.

After I pushed her off, I realised mum had grabbed the dog because it started to go towards the dogs again, and the woman went after mum. She tried to hit mum on the face, but mum ducked and then she tried again to attack mum, but mum ended up striking her and pushed her towards the water. More happened that I don't think I will have room for but we ended up going to the police and submitted a report, but nothing came from it.

From that point on, I haven't been able to calmly walk my dogs around others off lead. If a dog, especially a large dog, comes close, my heart starts beating out of my chest, my hands shake, I can't breathe and I either freeze or drag my dogs away. This reaction has gotten even worse since my male dog sadly got a hold of a poisonous toad and died while we were on our way to the vet...ive held myself responsible for his death for not keeping a close eye on him.

Today I had the worst reaction I've ever had. I, again, was walking with mum in an area there are usually no dogs, because of my anxiety surrounding it. The dog park was quiet, until two larger dogs came in. I instantly wanted to leave. As we were walking out, two massive American Staffy were walking into the dog park without leads, and instantly I felt cold all over my body, and I resisted the urge to pick my female up and run. I shook, my heart hammered and I immediately started crying. I lost all control. The rest of the walk, mum had to calm me down and I couldn't stop crying.

It's been hours and I still can't breathe and have completely shut off.

I get so angry at myself, because this all started over a horrible woman and *her fucking dog*. I have never had issues like this in my entire life, and now I panic whenever I am walking my dog. I know other people have had **much, much worse** experiences than I have and they are fine. It's incredibly embarrassing to burst into tears on a *walk*.

It wasn't until today I really realised that I think this is PTSD. I plan on seeking therapy once everything opens back up again, because this is starting to rule my life.

I'm not too sure why I'm posting today. Maybe just to get my feelings down, maybe to hear others stories, maybe for some validation? I'm not sure.

But if you've read this far, honestly, thank you, and I hope it wasn't too much of a jumble.",3.3838193085453336,4.369134792237446,4.4212133072407065,88.13057077625572,72.65296803652969,7.160078277886496,25.32028701891716,7.3871296695380915,1.0308465101108937,3322,100,716,35,63,1083,330,876,0.136,0.8109999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9979,1,3,0,0,1,0,118.0,7,6,4,12,36,28,8,4,49,0,67,22,13,11,12,135,132,69,2,9,22,9,9,1,0,3,3,3,1,5,32,68,2,5,10,3,1,42,25,15,0,4,59,17,123,13,113,63,13,170,0,2,3,4,74,71,5,6,55,493,155,10,0.0527226698911388,0.12493548509243818,0.05144972047718695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673546575462445,0.0,0.0,0.1638143570457518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040332698158427736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816061243494244,0.14786573793280186,0.11995929658584463,0.14860405166066742,0.12162143631027722,0.0,0.19283550126905089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755950046934029,0.05856300077392568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809020666278288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083182345396634,0.05527871629008777,0.0,0.059132957382527974,0.04209476182537997,0.0,0.11582675441912516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471780751091464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339327321210264,0.0,0.0,0.034822826223755016,0.04769067334635056,0.0,0.0,0.04738373612077605,0.051572887840708286,0.0,0.0,0.02665816603594082,0.0,0.10124406222842806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496503501029414,0.055090837940336514,0.0,0.08989052488061583,0.0,0.04216713541949773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046622482865442835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942228073424655,0.1249532353415154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236550735485924,0.051921209669670725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055028769586679474,0.0,0.0468623314595971,0.0,0.05490254750859087,0.0579500011104703,0.0,0.0,0.16747708458644192,0.0,0.0,0.07447916187739567,0.025757633383888315,0.15852589791982644,0.04655508343796516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755302223601555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890102494238664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627168615440492,0.0,0.20331486634773316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050588823698817884,0.0,0.0,0.05614792275226016,0.03572624559165704,0.0,0.0,0.06185869338342748,0.0,0.0,0.05032975410553922,0.03655126089928462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498399645200477,0.0,0.050493743863661116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325995944969205,0.21200338135892333,0.0,0.0,0.05273693739437465,0.0,0.033775492373382635,0.0,0.0,0.056604416554682416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361273735498767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33585639399936656,0.0,0.042104392279712535,0.044078512793875035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938098485045883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216387466119506,0.048539950921666436,0.060292967846759526,0.0,0.0,0.10134767405441117,0.0,0.0,0.0307430127980031,0.0,0.19989970542727653,0.20151508184545933,0.0,0.14318092819655598,0.1146942502915636,0.10300477516015998,0.0,0.06341888030791508,0.0,0.05806657228239194,0.0,0.0621943933981367,0.04184880132130278,0.04229094560424807,0.0,0.0,0.09774888638982496,0.0475740090900372,0.0,0.0,0.10164554472439057,0.0,0.0,0.053542430493750015,0.10745780968554178,0.07490534400673357,0.0,0.0,0.03395167082926113
ptsd,configgledconfuzzled,2020/04/19,"username checks out, any advice? recently, i witnessed a close friend of mine go through a tramuatic event and im not sure if what im experiencing now are symptoms of ptsd or just merely a ""normal"" psychological reaction to what happened. (im not trying to self diagnose or anything) i often get negative thoughts, especially more so during this period and there are certain objects or words that, when i see or hear, will trigger a surge of fear and helplessness in me. what happened to said friend sometimes replay in my mind and i feel trapped, but trapped behind bars that i created. when i do feel more free or happy, i instantly feel guilty again, and want to feel the fear or anxiousness again (which i know doesnt make sense :/). sometimes i use pain to distract myself from overwhelming thoughts and i have no idea what the crap is happening to me. maybe i should seek help but im scared that im overimagining things and blowing things up unecessarily. any advice?",5.873386334336053,7.540702905027933,6.062681564245813,76.12068328319728,67.43575418994413,9.306574989256557,32.763644177052,9.661875296680813,3.207494714224324,776,34,138,17,13,247,113,179,0.21100000000000002,0.6729999999999999,0.11599999999999999,-0.9604,0,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,9,14,1,5,6,0,8,5,1,3,2,40,26,19,0,4,12,0,4,0,2,2,3,2,0,1,11,9,1,0,8,1,2,1,5,8,0,0,3,8,16,7,16,21,2,14,0,2,1,0,6,5,1,8,8,88,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363523949709226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486707013636683,0.0,0.0,0.12349051894675026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995378703234745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109485464815443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460109351103308,0.2210840676952004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890709266020948,0.0,0.05711057977584553,0.0,0.0621240625388786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899905457875052,0.11636378349541128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320164409229703,0.0,0.07326897961723831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339901655474213,0.5903741602065076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007456566578472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296606130988949,0.0,0.10981777249741548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037313045041072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710174721091212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163148022836154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777891951730447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793160262121426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039799639669874,0.0,0.10943956043655156,0.0,0.08710685770837835,0.0,0.11403540037976065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622310373896292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030244932859984,0.1136161702814177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524298129442814,0.0,0.0,0.17356173311592715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421511568770188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944097624527235,0.0,0.0,0.06447456598175877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,macabre___,2020/04/19,"Hello I think I’m having an episode I was abused by my ex boyfriend tom 
2 years ago
I think I’m stuck inside of his house still inside of the head of myself when I was with him? Sometimes I think I never left that house

I always remember when he threw me against a. Wall.??
There was more abuse but I am also autistic maybe that’s why I can’t process it

I don’t understand how to have a stable relationship or friendships without thinking rom could hurt me for doing better 
Or that
I will disappoint him
Or I could maybe anger him for moving on 
Thank you 
Sorry if this isn’t a good post I’m having a very hard time right now
I don’t know what’s going on",1.1544295991777993,3.2157470791366904,2.544013360739981,94.5071402877698,81.80575539568345,5.122507708119219,19.281089414182944,6.1826913282559595,-0.15048242548818092,520,13,115,4,14,168,94,139,0.168,0.71,0.122,-0.6679,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,7,6,1,0,6,0,15,1,1,1,1,18,28,9,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,7,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,5,1,22,3,12,20,1,17,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,4,8,75,28,0,0.0,0.34827758964698985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028256425311802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753413555258142,0.12229318547748973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299855427641949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23469172388389445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352805800625847,0.12327385403255073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165880575862238,0.0,0.1508365464194318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391738733591175,0.1573374763690313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077243503661936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968643225114154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953079659122949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620888068413885,0.0,0.0,0.11335452299816495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075936385948984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779383852756312,0.16649158912394166,0.1255140113958506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535990736358045,0.16452407344081393,0.0,0.0,0.11737270836928268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531285443901786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766970727319325,0.0,0.0,0.08570105112933313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530039207864818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126799401556485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262013753308738,0.0,0.0,0.14167658327325258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464569711442836
ptsd,EmoCatOnAGreenDay,2020/04/19,"My triggers are ridiculous Most people are triggered by loud sounds. It’s almost like a ptsd stereotype. Mine are so stupid and I don’t get it. I get triggered by stuff like happy families with 2 parents. I always get violent feelings towards kids who grew up with 2 parents and plenty of friends. Kids who had a nice home and a pet dog and an older brother. I fucking hate Christmas with a passion. Everyone’s Christmas is so happy and it’s all about family. The “perfect” family Christmas. I get mad at people who always complain about their families and don’t want to have family holidays because I don’t understand. You could tell me how hellish family christmases are and I’d still kill to have one. I just wanna have a storybook life, like something out of a hallmark movie. People get seriously concerned when they see the stuff I write, like all the stuff about suicide, self harm, death, mental illness and such. I also hate happy stories. My grandma forces me to watch shitty hallmark movies all the time. They trigger me so much. I just want someone to give a shit about me. I wanna kiss someone who loves me just as much I love them while it starts to snow and the wind begins to pick up. But I know it will never happen. I stay up late crying, just wondering what it would be like if I had two parents who always loved each other and we lived in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and I had kids to play with and childhood friends. I always manage to turn the blame onto myself. Like it’s my fault that my mom did drugs and it’s my fault that my dad is mentally fucked up and it’s my fault we were homeless and we lived in a shitty apartment and I never had friends to play with. They say there’s no such thing as “normal”. Well I can tell you right now, having a nice house and two parents and not having ptsd and not being trans and having cool friends is more normal than me. I get told that I’m whiny a lot. I guess they’re right. Because nobody else cares about that. Nobody else complains about an abusive mom when you’re a vulnerable 3 year old. Nobody else cares to read this. I wish I was at my dads right now. He’s always asleep and I can always take a walk at night. It’s nice to take a walk down the empty streets and cry because for some reason the way street light hits the pine trees on the north side of East Lowell street is triggering. I don’t even understand a lot of my triggers. Pine trees are the biggest triggers of all. It’s stupid as hell. I got triggered enough to write this after watching another cheesy movie. The kid had 2 happy parents and a really sweet older sister. He had a nice home in New York City  and a ton of cool friends. His school went on an awesome field trip to the woods. My biggest dream is to go camping with friends. It sounds like a pretty dumb thing to get upset over. It probably is. I miss camping. I miss camping with my dad when he used to be healthy. I miss camping with my dad to escape my mom. I miss fishing in the river with Jacob and Lily up on the rogue river. My mom took away the most fun part of the year, camping on the rogue river with my friends. For her drug addiction recovery thing a lot of her friends and their kids go camping together. It’s basically the only thing I live for anymore. That and going to school to be with my crush. Of course, that too is gone now. I just wish I could die without anyone caring. I just want to disappear. Kids love to pull the white girl depression card on me and brush me off them. They say I have plenty of friends. I don’t think real friends ignore you when you try to talk. I don’t think real friends invite everyone in the friend group to go camping but you. I don’t think real friends have birthday parties without you. I don’t think real friends completely forget about your birthday and make up stupid excuses to not hang out on your birthday when you just wanted one thing for your birthday: to see your friends. I want to be able to cry and not have anyone care. My grandma doesn’t understand that sometimes you just need to cry. Whenever I’m staying with her she will not leave me alone if I cry. I get she just wants to help but holy crap it gets old. So um... there’s probably a lot more I could talk about but ig I’ll end it right here. If you made it to the end thanks for reading my tangent about being/feeling different....",2.7698605981174778,4.728356633027524,3.441302275705944,90.56063803169307,76.13302752293578,6.089503157393065,24.512748719170734,6.925212125942446,0.8547013106159898,3432,115,701,34,77,1080,341,872,0.128,0.721,0.151,0.838,7,1,3,0,0,1,82.0,3,13,8,1,41,81,16,1,47,2,52,16,3,14,7,136,122,52,4,20,23,15,1,7,15,3,5,5,3,8,41,48,0,1,11,6,0,14,19,30,2,4,15,16,102,51,106,95,19,88,3,5,5,8,95,42,6,13,36,449,143,5,0.039722146215488564,0.04706424785193696,0.0,0.04330300258387693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03977599158267897,0.04114016390674263,0.0,0.031765785977310064,0.1983120463564476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04165213374467066,0.0,0.0,0.039393695386673526,0.055549296439543934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037320263942545874,0.0,0.0,0.07264275493599076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619975016358402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04164791456148216,0.0,0.0,0.09514470459783797,0.0,0.21816456204711554,0.0,0.0,0.034212626329969284,0.0,0.04122531645357391,0.04150118836733061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213015732637203,0.0,0.09954826838569804,0.0,0.0703640627785757,0.04104359543959337,0.0,0.026236102946846963,0.0,0.0,0.07591242592815688,0.0,0.0,0.22467902562888625,0.0,0.04016942128700456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603384744656366,0.07344496820416499,0.18677863733821126,0.03810510217107844,0.09030004436592363,0.0,0.03176942901564078,0.0,0.043758422370722895,0.0,0.03512616271395412,0.1691398531067805,0.0,0.07843479137292662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0266249173013356,0.0,0.07968910279994289,0.0,0.0,0.09166804707046962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043946669461850725,0.0,0.02183025273616417,0.0,0.044808311105976516,0.042060017417064964,0.0,0.0,0.028056926595424456,0.1358436393844703,0.0,0.10522614855519292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508139294006954,0.1434031512624397,0.03758605519041044,0.026514841046359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006116127342901,0.0,0.0,0.1860883902565348,0.0,0.0,0.05840069591421205,0.02945346810129765,0.0612723359080458,0.03836389633927901,0.0,0.03727654337125553,0.07783853896194247,0.0,0.0,0.08336342093788751,0.0,0.053833508585678425,0.030210482145340518,0.0,0.0,0.220533712866132,0.04301521345648339,0.0,0.08261500410353137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04041170307049155,0.08565438400144787,0.0,0.09286612650469672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946579118477069,0.18084999471099736,0.02544702400932688,0.04084098202363223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568998331963067,0.0,0.06317729000152758,0.0,0.0804018652684993,0.06330681538027398,0.0,0.04143886158094503,0.0,0.04077421226761969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731289117029365,0.03058004880516322,0.03928621829976694,0.0,0.02811553954008736,0.08467704533196578,0.03172215727887722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641706192954728,0.04344958079452934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059732220943912215,0.06385431295970717,0.06943781323360589,0.036570815396568805,0.0,0.0,0.13194814455467585,0.10180938953967536,0.0,0.0,0.02316230289528948,0.0,0.0,0.03795621296407844,0.04413276601271292,0.026968729850159145,0.0432062885810251,0.07760552999788575,0.12405646526114945,0.0,0.03430718062233126,0.0,0.0,0.1405749060192961,0.03152959075213887,0.0,0.0,0.035714979885707834,0.036822827500911495,0.0,0.0,0.09135701560023836,0.0765814629272754,0.04307697313738427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02821747298743138,0.0,0.0,0.05115951964210812
ptsd,Loveteas,2020/04/19,"Different kind of stress I’ve been staying at my mothers house because I wouldn’t be able to walk my dog in my apartment building if I got exposed to COVID. I haven’t stayed here this long in many years. We aren’t having like direct fights or anything anymore, but it’s really uncomfortable. I don’t know or really like my step family. But my mother is a part of some of my childhood crap, so it just stresses me out being here at all.   


I’m just getting really cranky and angry over the littlest things and I don‘t want to be that person. I just feel so alone because my family members are constantly talking to friends and things. I don’t have that. I have like 2 friends I talk to regularly, but no one else has reached out to me. I just feel myself very slowly going downhill, and like there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t really describe it, I just physically and emotionally feel like crap.

Does that make sense? Can anyone relate?",4.063384262796029,5.472066465240643,5.016077158135982,82.89033422459894,71.51336898395722,7.909702062643241,27.79564553093965,8.418075326091056,1.919651184110008,747,27,146,12,14,244,111,187,0.156,0.7140000000000001,0.129,-0.7515,2,1,0,0,1,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,11,13,3,2,2,0,21,2,2,1,1,28,31,13,0,3,11,2,3,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,10,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,8,5,0,1,2,3,24,8,17,25,3,17,0,0,0,0,9,8,2,4,9,100,34,0,0.13234273440258926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137067160360687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124843097380748,0.09253711701613347,0.0,0.10890679408156116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613498050619361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301548027145822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138269989735546,0.0,0.0,0.11581401871765495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055537274459652,0.14886776335784646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24952190358604898,0.0,0.20074938890457836,0.09454567590053843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449533661818706,0.0,0.06914361648042631,0.0,0.0752134258005026,0.0,0.10584657444061894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270574682493898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137814592431636,0.07273210576615459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232798756968989,0.0,0.0,0.11711915536331036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833980287190281,0.13417476067069511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698642296256926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967886188808137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331428465268406,0.0,0.0,0.11555657098310937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391285779507558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821194922240816,0.0,0.0,0.3031963102374819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274415371824085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584526430150385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919661593451717,0.07805917363266111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522438192828004
ptsd,ComfortablePass2,2020/04/19,"PTSD from watching a movie? Alright, so when I was a kid I was on a bus home from some foreign country and they played a movie where a girl was kidnapped and r***d repeatedly and very loudly and it’s been 12 years and I’m a full fledged adult and that movie still haunts me and makes me feel gross af. I hadn’t thought about it in awhile until I was watching Netflix and had the very similar gross feeling about the show I was watching. Anyway, I don’t know. Anyone else with a weird experience like this?",4.372478991596637,5.284581205882354,4.322268907563025,90.02735294117649,70.27450980392156,7.0050420168067244,28.296918767506998,6.868970318607317,1.1535977591036417,401,14,86,3,7,123,66,102,0.107,0.8029999999999999,0.09,-0.3811,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,9,1,9,0,0,1,0,15,15,11,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,9,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,9,6,9,3,8,6,2,9,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,1,6,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020091746328908,0.2960174327847077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413431530990297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826046401992445,0.0,0.0,0.2921582147669515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28979538744243033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877469634775218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411444466193351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284640845547496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33771462050800777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307199989996254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22935839125646865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767539549301225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860454227132292
ptsd,N1kk1_K1ller,2020/04/19,"Didn’t think i would ever be posting here Its back, its back, its fucking back. I thought i was cured, i thought i was past this but boy was i wrong. I had a bit of a “rough patch” with my husband back when he was my boyfriend, i broke up with him and went on a self destructive  path and was taken advantage of (by someone else) and later on, molested. I went through therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy bc my grades were plummeting and I (for the life of me) could not catch a grip. I was able to see things through, I thought that the past was the past, forgave myself and moved on with the person who seemed to understand me best. 

A small amount of trauma cured by quite a bit of therapy. 

A few years down the line, him and i get into this massive fight, up late until 2 am. I had several panic attacks and he kept referring to what happened bringing me back to hating myself for what i did, bc i didn’t realize all the trauma i put him through when i was being such a selfish bitch. I thought it was behind me but now when i even think of PTSD (i am in psychology and was writing up on it for a paper) I cannot think straight without regretting it all. I see it all, i feel it all, i can barely feel comfortable in my own skin..

I am not seeing my therapist anymore and no thanks to covid i cant search for a new one from in person .. any recommendations for one online..? That works best with sexual trauma and relationships?..",2.991812847901308,4.489046252595159,4.254379419286899,86.94081991876034,74.36332179930795,7.794253046487138,26.75206860237701,8.456263369488248,1.7347278772378525,1113,41,236,20,23,366,145,289,0.188,0.723,0.08900000000000001,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,0,0,0,5,13,20,7,1,16,0,26,3,1,0,5,44,50,17,0,3,5,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,16,16,0,1,13,0,0,6,8,15,0,2,24,8,41,5,41,22,11,39,0,2,3,1,14,14,2,1,18,179,57,3,0.0980694125959287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669056350868446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725850525789627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156811458795103,0.0,0.3770466241134819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20583559623496972,0.0,0.21413279759916035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830044597711795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192441023172939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477392210495264,0.08870939827284781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991736833292979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066359167547476,0.0512372204156371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672245767937095,0.0,0.0,0.09682324156527856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106265690111502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926932637359569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423226537980053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471604979433804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290874406269626,0.0,0.0,0.11506332544596708,0.0,0.0,0.2808550533244524,0.0,0.1712608567303648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939233883773932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463789528099134,0.09858684661242216,0.0,0.10430889189837522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528984767491756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344458742479109,0.08927870999778616,0.10230778548170884,0.11079052188491594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830938950452577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028913907721328,0.3364527604125023,0.1138661467231887,0.0651529600611264,0.1885167591664441,0.0,0.3114246365659167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020937171159557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182265598365446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453541412732568,0.0,0.07139570037090291,0.0,0.0,0.06966569695924082,0.10722350747934177,0.0,0.06315348637978561
ptsd,exbdulrahman,2020/04/20,"Wrong time wrong place Why did I help her , her name was LEO  she was from China,  she needed a ride so I kindly offered her one , after we stopped at petrol station to get some food she insisted on driving so I let her and 20 seconds into the highway she hits a six wheel truck cause guess what !! She wanted to commit suicide in that exact moment , and now 2 years later I just got diagnosed with ptsd because of the accident which I barely survived by the way after being in a comma for some time . 
This is my story and I would love to hear yours especially any recovering cases , cause to me I'm absolutely not optimistic,  my memory is really bad like its unbelievable., and I feel like I'm living in someone else's body and just watching his life .",4.7920408163265344,5.745858850340137,6.03687755102041,77.96347959183674,69.34013605442178,8.60108843537415,27.62517006802721,8.841846274778883,2.1286223129251693,589,19,110,10,10,198,107,147,0.132,0.731,0.136,0.1607,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,1,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,6,0,8,5,1,2,2,24,19,7,1,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,8,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,3,4,3,22,4,17,11,2,19,0,0,1,1,17,7,0,3,11,74,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444099754731575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405126975921114,0.10258625304322913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692902842560696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457544132138077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080786219894065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140582276369186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509101328232521,0.1202243365382766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349342707071444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879230629855697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459456570345646,0.0,0.18538721145904946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967179034022336,0.0,0.11279929454506213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524511599892292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208495965033133,0.1188661542587294,0.16443315128540895,0.0,0.14860059082229532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188567644049167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247827509145054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403569300561656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582419947579708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671861208629576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780902430744227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258911214377334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140695549444476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840787712664833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196259120511645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992600906527484,0.1335784653857825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185293068983427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195463261276286,0.3679910473349064,0.0,0.10837137369445582
ptsd,Erin_C_86,2020/04/20,"I’m a bit confused. I’m writing this probably to get things straight in my head, I feel like my mind is whirling a million miles an hour. I’m sorry if this post is all over the place, but I think my thoughts are all over the place too.

I have/had ptsd. It’s really well managed, I figured out a lot of stuff in therapy, and I thought I had it under control. Fear and a lack of control have been triggers for me in the past.

Today me and my mum went to take her dog out for a walk. He’s a real sweetheart, but he’s big, and strong. I had crossed the road ahead of her, as she went to cross, he must have got slightly ahead of her and she fell. She fell head first, I saw her head bang against the pavement. Her glasses flew off and she didn’t move for a few seconds. I was frozen at first on the other side of the road. I ran across to her, she lifted her head and she didn’t say anything, she seemed confused. There was so much blood. A car came past and I managed to get the dog lead to move him out of the way, and she got herself up.

She had cut her head open and it was swollen, the blood was dripping all down her face and was all over her top. I managed to get her home and cleaned it. It was only a tiny cut! But it was right on her brow bone so kept bleeding. I can tell it will be bruised tomorrow, but once the bleeding stopped it didn’t look bad at all.

Mum has laughed it off but I cannot stop thinking about it. I’m crying now as I’m writing this so i know it’s affected me in some way. It’s something that could have happened to anyone, and really is a none event.

I feel silly writing about this, but I feel anxious, and I keep replaying it in my head over and over. I’m probably over reacting, but I feel like I’m recognising feelings that I haven’t had in a long time. I don’t know if being in lockdown is exaggerating these feelings? My mum doesn’t have anyone but me, so I will always worry about her.

I’m sorry this is such a long post. Thank you for letting me try and get my thoughts straight.",1.2560642325070257,2.8317049721577727,2.5498943704970074,96.98262394675785,79.32482598607888,5.557723775796801,23.63908902185859,6.202715092499727,0.27262969837587026,1557,53,374,11,38,501,185,431,0.102,0.818,0.08,-0.7523,0,1,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,0,9,12,14,2,3,24,0,38,13,10,6,6,73,78,32,0,5,10,3,6,2,1,3,3,1,2,0,24,21,0,6,15,0,0,14,8,6,1,4,27,9,59,8,52,44,12,72,0,0,2,0,37,38,0,7,18,247,83,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855768452619447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308078461460344,0.0,0.11522238444685867,0.0,0.06780252563062199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879482197679257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995195831351888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423579092620048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848218026235838,0.06578420990555693,0.0,0.09050498440869068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092715177890361,0.24996265295149084,0.11772333705296498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140167108554794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218803907117267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317946256144303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285997274105822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073547307187062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826470273033367,0.0,0.08114063620620618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323479966914133,0.0,0.0,0.09056221895000648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842525577182621,0.0,0.0805062429489489,0.0,0.0,0.14583065455788904,0.06918947795002743,0.0,0.0,0.07004769270974076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319357364693114,0.0,0.0,0.17514171571079715,0.06056843081635506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774599441654729,0.0,0.06266368813264424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730713110141095,0.0,0.0,0.17216656870771804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578196859278477,0.0,0.17766745927583014,0.0,0.09631315980626512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378142007829716,0.10556629773419962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036328282149297,0.0,0.0655223239846893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500761107169218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343025682903045,0.0,0.1844647267937256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377686919805195,0.0,0.0,0.09432042145282583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194937979956766,0.0,0.07201522723387888,0.07585652422699066,0.0942237247739653,0.0,0.05473833446468532,0.1055883816153044,0.0,0.1962328254260613,0.048044096684108126,0.0,0.07809905325297714,0.0,0.0,0.0559395268348789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079966300019233,0.0,0.0,0.0740813188764959,0.15275851392098094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367422296070325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,flexingbuzzard,2020/04/20,"Ptsd because of bullying? Dont know if thats the place to ask this but -hi. Let me know if i would get more answers somewhere else. 

Ive been through 10 years bullying at school. I have ptsd because of it (along with with huge self confidence problems and anxiety). Said bullying ended a few years ago but the trauma is obviously still here. 

Ive been wondering if anyone else has experienced ptsd because of bullying. Ive never met or talked to someone who did. And its quite recently that ptsd definition in DSM changed to also include trauma that happened over time in its definition.",3.6945454545454512,6.363467727272727,4.7227272727272736,79.01409090909092,76.27272727272728,8.363636363636363,30.90909090909091,9.095868883498916,3.152454545454546,470,23,83,12,11,153,76,110,0.22699999999999998,0.716,0.057,-0.9752,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,0,2,19,20,9,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,2,6,0,14,13,2,14,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,5,8,54,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243987721157992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045887228062333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566559101084733,0.0,0.0,0.09658052605839627,0.14152584620356218,0.0,0.0,0.12912864997321274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525999764437972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611841107945667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188199843002565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307721788305473,0.0,0.12233815069389666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216484658902117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214387906852008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182026980601598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412426306790771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653086202930157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431169651005915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216740118391102,0.6458450368018972,0.0,0.0,0.14691341803193794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638221807304018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138893314445438,0.0,0.0,0.13979032933673852,0.0,0.0,0.14409496815515732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703324535917227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030716261314004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110200044289998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054206053844809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979115824229638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812035650643013,0.0,0.0,0.17789652206692202
ptsd,stamper3332,2020/04/20,"Has anyone done any trauma work over video? I have a trauma therapist and have a good relationship with her, but I have resisted having any sessions with her since the quarantine started.  I have a ton of anxiety when I think about having a session with her over video.  These sessions can be super intense and I am afraid of having an intense trauma session without being physically in the same room with her.  

It is so threatening to even think about having a trauma session.  And then to do it without her being able to touch my arm or my knee to help me regulate.... it makes me weepy even writing this.",6.50312030075188,7.0881229210526335,6.805288220551379,75.27868421052631,65.40350877192982,9.321303258145363,32.95238095238095,9.23628265651192,2.986743358395992,479,19,83,8,7,155,67,114,0.174,0.7190000000000001,0.107,-0.8590000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,8,0,17,2,2,1,0,16,21,8,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,14,2,17,17,2,7,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,3,73,19,6,0.23642752085871696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215576432581521,0.0,0.18086640632633635,0.0,0.0,0.16531561979808534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419474397204257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123162954522553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830418726854154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847238355334956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781720606298064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538346768725944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557528842891786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734461614957144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745105743665486,0.0,0.30298641768277856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558153863440928,0.0,0.17212205102332911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,v6410kjyz1000,2020/04/20,"How to help a partner overcome traumatic event I’m not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this but I’m looking for some advice.

Me and my partner are fairly young, and this is the first time I’ve had to help somone grieve. One night we were sleeping in our apartment and the police knocked on the door at 2am to notify my partner that her father had died, which was shocking because it was very sudden. We immediately got up and in the morning drove to her home with her family.

We are planning to go back to our apartment to resume our lives, however she has said that she fears going to sleep in our apartment because of what happened.

Other than time, and personal healing are there some things I can do to help her sleep at night and become comfortable in our home again.",7.341911764705883,6.632717464052291,7.062214052287582,78.49371323529414,63.90196078431373,9.741503267973856,34.81127450980392,8.841846274778883,2.8256411764705884,624,24,119,8,8,197,96,153,0.114,0.807,0.079,-0.7168,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,8,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,6,0,13,4,3,1,2,18,22,9,2,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,3,4,10,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,2,8,2,18,2,22,14,2,24,0,1,1,0,23,11,0,3,10,86,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747360030987864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391415524108434,0.0,0.19647069599873088,0.177977158514176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724792355834808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191757450732868,0.18133819007865976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707383382223914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317015145820875,0.0,0.12888611883632073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425041280907426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240456969136313,0.0,0.3232925328427109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229811811323365,0.0,0.1353251429747806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024561125344481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919919243014913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070968303657536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329024672632086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4837981752474935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188166442987888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706068548435928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187935346399547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296536134720052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WaelMwafey,2020/04/20,"Do I have a PTSD? (Car Accident 3 weeks ago) Briefly, I am on my mid 20s. I had a car accident on the high way from about 3 weeks ago. I was at high speed and I crashed on a minibus waiting on the right. My head hit the glass and made a crack on it while the front half of the car got shrinked from the impact. It resulted on some stitches on my forehead and one eye, and a crack on my pelvis. Thankfully non got hurt but me.

From the day after accident until now, I almost dream everyday, and some of them are nightmares (normally I don't dream, or maybe I do, but I wake up unaware of them). Last night before sleeping, for the first time, my heart was pumping so fast, and I felt like reliving the accident again, not only as it happened, but adding even worse possibilities like hitting a person, or killing a friend or a family member that might have been riding with me on that day. I wanted to cry then, but I distracted myself for almost 2 hours till I fell asleep.

Today when I woke up, I looked up my problem on google and I read some article suggesting that these happen normally and is diagnosed as PTSD. I don't know what I am expecting to hear from this community, but I would like to hear from you. Do I have a PTSD? What should I do? Should I consider therapy?",4.235749599450674,4.846312840466928,5.1821469443808645,84.83533531700621,70.40077821011673,9.159899290455485,28.34721904325933,9.325443323948027,2.164227008468757,988,34,213,20,17,324,141,257,0.14800000000000002,0.775,0.077,-0.9672,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,2,1,6,9,1,1,18,0,21,9,8,2,0,37,37,24,1,8,9,0,1,3,1,4,1,2,0,1,10,9,0,1,2,3,0,6,3,4,0,3,9,5,34,5,34,22,3,48,0,1,2,0,8,18,0,9,26,147,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410176935754912,0.0,0.2305610274432513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796243336020627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264588098897172,0.14849150116415152,0.0,0.0,0.11684890023002267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603861790545638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085290919906374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053753238632953,0.0,0.0,0.09792480408305546,0.0,0.0,0.08894486969092061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841510897322612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036083537637008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815090601139801,0.0,0.2595072594504024,0.13642303552752125,0.0,0.24327061861273386,0.0,0.0,0.11337439982306688,0.0,0.12324311198995427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273681542642617,0.0,0.06326939065408041,0.09384179769138394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873198319183816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667554881774143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893354455069654,0.0,0.0,0.11565799056383655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212885562333252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803650389638812,0.22559504871730315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801131132450545,0.08755733704975538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052223505920456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978552719542655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015855719297478,0.403722987592125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115155611042831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983156570179482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152075982356796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059911322982848,0.13165484946647585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712999652553298,0.0,0.10912452383049932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790338735108845,0.09138043514977988,0.1846917899770112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732165676521406,0.08178111097885786,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,noseyandwall-e,2020/04/20,"My cat feels like the only thing holding me together I'm struggling pretty badly with being able to sleep without alcohol. I've been trying to stave myself off of it, but when I do forgo it for a night, I end up falling into a loop of flashbacks that I can't get out of until I've ""finished"" the memory reel. Just tonight it happened again and all I could do was sit on the bathroom floor crying and petting my very confused cat, who was basically like ""Oh, we are on the floor now? Cool!""

I want pretty badly to snap myself out of this flashback movie, but as soon as I recognize I'm in a flashback, I'm pulled back in. I think I would be a lot more successful in sleeping at night if I was able to fully snap out the moment I recognize it. 

Does anyone have the same issue? If so, is there a coping technique or something that works for you to stay out of the flashback when you first try to stop your brain?",6.9076881720430094,5.2437580483870985,7.378602150537635,78.9712365591398,65.29032258064515,9.77204301075269,33.03225806451613,8.167268648758528,2.3633161290322584,711,23,145,7,9,235,117,186,0.11,0.7929999999999999,0.096,-0.3983,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,1,3,0,3,9,8,0,2,12,1,14,4,3,0,1,27,22,13,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,9,9,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,4,2,19,4,31,14,4,34,0,0,0,0,5,15,0,5,17,106,28,2,0.3145857405110146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809824248671545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998283212404752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094850811703757,0.2626659530715376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755908630805809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558555786168205,0.0,0.17277883207149589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764805073854205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393147960490275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953200132313028,0.11237005793913596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337932350862345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217903268469473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909356569926382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417289057610018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369070247414807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372477344496272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29521740684708725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962831571750512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32004679371490663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148129305705482,0.0,0.0,0.12109173615704788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765327121004334,0.0,0.13150388264210394,0.0,0.1644366599346329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449839376403534,0.10078692005199597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21358306785663367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297830910027837,0.0927754101944418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162471391714447,0.0,0.1145110828950526,0.0,0.0,0.11173634207659433,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,An0d0sTwitch,2020/04/20,"Having trouble studying, nonstop flashbacks everytime i study You would think studying would be a good distraction, but in fact, its the exact opposite.

​

The flashbacks are in clear focus, i can see every detail like im living it. Its a perfect way to remember every detail. 

I eventually give up and do something distracting, like videogames or something. Bad form.

Any advice?",5.31296153846154,8.871428661538463,5.1879807692307685,72.33889423076926,77.76923076923076,6.9423076923076925,34.278846153846146,8.07648339933343,3.6495,313,17,40,6,8,97,51,65,0.14300000000000002,0.64,0.21600000000000005,0.7717,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,0,8,0,2,4,0,7,0,0,0,4,11,10,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,4,4,7,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134740627081846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366985235382329,0.2654496769239625,0.14855853697399715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240282091147655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681195970538868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956426353120491,0.0,0.1832317194387524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23597150131953054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345452161830847,0.0,0.192901904380067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474696713807196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408228013809834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363583898991006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997869395320267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340133181501635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310371766949936,0.0,0.2654496769239625,0.0
ptsd,miamirebs,2020/04/20,"It gets better Today I was reviewing PTSD for my one of my classes and this week and I had a reflection moment and realized that I had not had any PTSD related symptoms happen to me in over a month. Felt really good. 

It gets better guys. I promise. Just keep working at it and give yourself time to heal. Continue being kind to yourself and seeking help when you need it. 

You can do it.",1.9166558441558443,4.262788376623379,3.794918831168832,84.99809253246755,80.81818181818181,6.966883116883117,25.209415584415584,8.07648339933343,1.8002740259740264,303,12,58,6,8,102,55,77,0.0,0.789,0.21100000000000002,0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,12,14,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,9,5,8,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,7,42,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439106840776244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743261388054092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319096648283266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211282392085401,0.2030077647323495,0.0,0.1774990695672083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095397314982413,0.18713724330588266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141846226346828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880999677676056,0.0,0.2203724632358308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891520984322006,0.0,0.0,0.15691554102164926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434010096156242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947511930667136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355709122634187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995700077425456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233988906712664,0.0,0.20059356297735004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975095470610668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540638366212002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,faIIingstars,2020/04/20,"I’m relapsing with a lot of ptsd symptoms after doing really well for years, and struggling with feeling like all my progress is lost. I’m in my 40’s, and I’ve actively been working on my mental health since my late 20’s - so almost 15 years. There’s always been ups and downs, but I’ve been doing really really well for the last few years - I still had to take really good care of myself to make sure I stayed that way and had some bad days, but it was so much better than I could have imagined compared to when I was younger. I liked where I was at. 

I’m not there anymore. I forgot what it was like to feel like this. I thought I remembered and I was wrong. I had to move in with a friend so I wouldn’t be alone, I’m not sleeping or eating enough, I’m having nightmares and panic attacks and flashbacks, spending hours dissociating or panicking, and sometimes not being able to speak because when I’m so stressed I go mute. I’m struggling a lot. 

I’ve already talked about it with my therapist who I have a very good working relationship, and she’s suggested somethings and I’m still trying. I know things will get better. 

But I’m so upset because it makes me feel like I did back then. Like nothing has changed, and all my progress is ruined, and I’m just ruined again. I worked so, so hard and for this? That’s not fair. I shouldn’t need to live with someone to help take care of myself, not anymore. It’s so wasted. 

I don’t know what I’m looking for - maybe hearing if anybody else has felt like this, and if you did if you got back to how it was before. Tips if you have the magic cure, or kind words. Anything, really.",2.9793416493416487,4.3667066396396415,3.93352852852853,89.67303014553015,74.19519519519521,6.684638484638486,24.819704319704318,7.1686216300943375,0.9088185262185262,1273,40,272,13,26,410,167,333,0.154,0.6459999999999999,0.2,0.9411,0,1,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,3,0,8,23,29,1,5,6,0,31,4,1,3,3,60,63,36,0,8,16,0,5,7,1,3,2,2,0,0,15,19,1,1,9,0,1,2,8,11,2,0,19,8,32,18,30,38,8,27,0,3,1,0,12,7,0,11,23,174,47,3,0.08953472032484429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965608914177647,0.0927309679977006,0.09880379030032674,0.0,0.07450005978717189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758876773041155,0.0,0.0,0.07367944597476303,0.0,0.0,0.10185867002141168,0.0,0.13769334656269278,0.07475775160347856,0.10915906895759253,0.0,0.07618745245268962,0.0,0.0,0.1583723683309078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257322909496845,0.0,0.09471586222343807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148618867288778,0.0,0.0,0.057742487586919626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161637125974904,0.07479476998703075,0.0,0.0,0.09251330023494923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358143344407365,0.19189086626985535,0.08596737243097194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917430282249801,0.0,0.046778195960428516,0.0,0.050884644889048584,0.1501949509248918,0.07160909499613766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020552299972976,0.0,0.0,0.09517122087303287,0.10091213699136567,0.0,0.06001323572283896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817366412399562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323663324435223,0.09841188151062172,0.07298274710468239,0.10099906438433807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30619499244114434,0.0,0.07906079839895543,0.0,0.075186615177337,0.0,0.097737723836654,0.15223843485656896,0.0,0.0,0.11953024213066205,0.0,0.08994966085065989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902299392964781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516123817379547,0.06581832143571828,0.0663888606305502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591097891644878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504970296802707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466129673788274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867911725381902,0.0,0.0,0.09612678219519144,0.10142538437743144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406404587898169,0.0,0.08959938122907944,0.0,0.07586247798009113,0.06892820197672951,0.08855212779814166,0.0,0.0,0.09543209889267648,0.14300508661626765,0.0,0.10256171962586616,0.18720225951097608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438541430627483,0.0930608566496362,0.13463793390170942,0.07196461668218225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395671118511038,0.05948288975120133,0.0,0.0,0.0710805668126159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060788197887171484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387552110246523,0.0,0.07106849349567122,0.0,0.0,0.16100493251935222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955470282495773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789216127934944,0.0,0.17297227313425478