My (F26) bf (M30) is pushing my boundaries and it's hurting our relationship TW: SA I started dating this guy who seems really great. Follows through, plans dates, buys me flowers, makes me food, all the amazing things. We talked for a couple of months before our first date. After three weeks of hanging out, we made it official. The first time we were intimate, I had a panic attack. He stopped and told me I didn't have to tell him why if I wasn't ready, he was receptive and comforting. Fast forward a week or so, I feel more comfortable around him and trust him more. I opened up and told him about my first boyfriend who coerced me into anal sex and didn't stop when I said it hurt. I explained that certain positions or acts during sex give me panic attacks, and it feels like I'm transported back to the first time it happened. I've noticed that whenever he's drunk, he tries anal play. The first time was right after I opened up. He stopped when he noticed I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. The second time, he was drunk, I told him I was tapping out after our bedroom escapades because I was tired and done. He said he wanted to try something and proceeded to try to stick it in my ass. I pushed until he got off me and told him that wasn't okay at all, that he needed to communicate with me before trying something like that. I then explained that I'm uncomfortable around him drunk because he seems to try and push my boundaries. Ever since this last incident, I've been having nightmares. I like him, but now I'm afraid to be intimate with him, and I feel my guard go up when I'm around him. How can I work through this so I can have a healthy relationship with him? Edits; he never actually put his dick in my ass, but he did attempt a couple of times without asking me first. Which is not okay. I've read your comments, and I'm processing how I feel. He has said he drinks because his meds won't let him come, and he is taking action to see a therapist. Anytime I've brought up my concerns, he breaks down sobbing, scared that he's going to lose me. I like him when he's sober. I don't like it when he's drunk. And I don't plan to stay if he doesn't change. Thank you for the advice. Sometimes, it's easy to think your brain is just making shit up