Fiancé dropped a bomb I (31F) have been with my fiancé (33F) for about 3.5 years. We are both bisexual. Things have been a bit tense lately, my job is very stressful, having just moved into a management position this year. My fiancé on the other hand is doing great at the moment, she works part-time as a barista but has recently gone back to study and is the most motivated I’ve ever seen her. She has faced huge childhood trauma and the fall out from that, I’ve stayed there for her through periods of severe depression. In the past 6 months she’s been diagnosed with ADHD, and getting medicated for that has changed her life. It’s been a joy to see her really come into her own, after sticking with her through some really tough times. In the past couple of months she’s really gotten into a spiritual journey, not identifying with the ‘ego’ and attachments. I myself am now facing some tough times, but I feel like she is not 100% there for me, in the way you’d expect your future wife/life partner to be. Side note: we haven’t had sex in months (she doesn’t feel like being touched atm). As a result of all this I was feeling very vulnerable and asked her ‘are we all good?’ She responded that it wasn’t the best time to have big convos now while I’m depressed and reactive with emotions (crying a lot!), she said I needed to work on myself, meditate more, and suggested we see a couples counsellor next month. Ok, I thought, fair enough. I could sense her drifting away, and when she decided to buy her own second hand car with the help of her ex I was a little suss on it. So, I did something I’m not proud of. I snooped. She said ‘I need to sort logistics now’ him ‘any other logistics I can help with?’ her ‘a place to rent/flatmate 🙃’. I also saw she’d recently reactivated Bumble. When I confronted her the bomb was dropped. She told me that she doesn’t have romantic attraction (she didn’t use this word, but aromantic seems to fit) and is basically asexual, but when there is sexual attraction it is only attracted to men. She’s just figured this out for herself—she’s just not actually attracted to women. She’d downloaded Bumble to remind herself ‘how gross men are’. Says she’d never live with/be in a relationship with one. But she says sexually she needs masculine energy, not feminine. But then reiterated she doesn’t really have sexual needs. She says when we met and fell in love, it was her ADHD brain loving the newness of it, being with a woman. She says she wants to stay with me and continue building our life together, but the choice is mine, can I be in a life partnership that is platonic? She apologized for the flatmate joke with her ex, and said she would never cheat on me. Marriage is off the table now, she’s since decided she doesn’t believe in that either. But she seems very open to still spending life together, albeit in a very non-traditional way. She is happy for me to open relationship up, to get physical intimacy elsewhere. She says she deeply loves me, but not in a romantic way and that she doesn’t think she will feel like that towards anyone in this lifetime. This is fresh (happened last night), and I’m still trying to comprehend. I feel extraordinarily sad, confused, embarrassed and somewhat betrayed. It feels like nearly 4 years of my life wasted in a pretty critical time, if I were to want a family (unsure if I do due to climate concerns, but I’m verging on 32 now and looking down the barrel of starting all over again). I don’t want to start all over again. When times are better, we have so much fun. I’ve never been more my ‘self’ with another person before. We live together, our finances are very much intertwined, and her 9 year old son calls me ‘step mom’. I thought this was my little family for life. I am heartbroken and my head is spinning. I guess it’s my call to make if we break up or not (which also kind of sucks imo). She is making a couples counseling appt ASAP. She wants to try and make this work. I just don’t know, I love her so much. But maybe I deserve better. Any advice, internet friends? Tl;dr Fiancé wants to stay together, but as a platonic partnership