content: this is what fucking newspapers are all about. there are very few firsts left so now we have to modify them. First person to swim the english channel... nope done... first fem.. nope... first hom... no thats done... first there and back... nope... double cross... trip.... fuckit... IM GOING TO BE THE FIRST PERSON TO FART MY WAY ACROSS THE ENGLISH CHANNEL ON MY BACK WITH MY DICK IN THE AIR LOOKING LIKE A FUCKING SHARK.