content: have you ever thought about this? here i was. sitting in my pitch black sensory deprivation tank. record scratch moment. that guy sitting in the pitch black? yeah, that's me. wanna know how i got here? well too bad voat boomer i'm telling you anyways. so there i was walking down the street when this italian came slipping and sliding betwixt my legs all smooth like. he says somethin about how there's a cool place for me to think and meditate down the street in a high rise new york sky scraper. yeah. i know. "that's one big building" you probably thought to yourself right then. i felt the same way. heh. yep, and i went there. the woman at the front counter greeted me as soon as i opened the door and i furrowed my brow delightfully in return. "hey babe. do i need to get a reservation for this place?" i said in a hushed, quiet natured tone. i've got good inside voice manners. watch and learn boys, this is how you swoon the ladies into getting your rocks off. she stared deeply into the pupils of my eyes that were extremely dilated. guys, i swear i was THIS close to grabbing her by the neck with one of my slightly above average sized hands like darth vader to show how dominant i could be. so she replies "no you dont need a reservation" while also implying i could get a reservation to her heart. don't ask how i knew, i just did. at that moment i knew i could warp her reality into my bidding, but i spared her. i just couldn't be bothered. so she takes me to the deprivation tank room, and there we were. she opened the vault door and the bodyguard she brought with her picked me up and threw me inside kind of haphazardly, crashing my flailing body into the water. i look up from inside this massive cavernous chamber and see both of their silhouettes. they were definitely laughing in a maniacal fashion. yep, this was all a massive prank on me. i should've seen this coming. i have bad luck. so there i was. in the pitch black screaming for help. eventually i gave up and resigned to my fate. i floated for what felt like a million years. i started hallucinating. yep, seriously. i saw things the average man should never have to go through. i saw little monkeys do choreographed dances. i experienced a first hand memory of D-Day at Normandy. and yes. that version of D-Day was with monkeys instead of people. lets just say i had a few bad run-ins with monkeys at the zoo that i repressed. don't ask me about my username. so that's my story. i'm still in this tank as i post this. we're all in the tank.