First repent and God will forgive you. Do some spiritual warfare for yourself.  Be very specific as to what you bind like a bad thought or something you are frustrated with then ask to be  loosen  or freed in the name of Jesus Christ. You Must use the name of Jesus Christ because only through Jesus Christ are you saved.  You might have to do this many times, but you will get a break through.  Also, read the Bible on your own. King James is good.  Read it from the beginning to the end, but also look up what you are struggling with and go to these passages. You will read a passage that will fit right into what you are struggling with. Seek and you shall find, but you need to make the first step.  You don’t have to go to church. God is everywhere. The devil is too, and you might get attacked a bit, but don’t give up. Refute the devil in the name of Jesus Christ. The devil will flee.  Remember God always knows what’s in our hearts.  Just keep at it and the one day, you will be free with the help of the Holy Spirit. I have to work on the same stuff often then I get a break through, a peace that is quite amazing.  This time is special for all of us.  Also, follow the Ten Commandments-very important because these are God’s laws and there are no gray areas.  You will be ok!!  I really don’t know everything, so your journey will be your unique walk with Jesus Christ. God Bless you!!  WWG1WGA  In Jesus we trust