Me too. Then again I have experience in a long term relationship waking up and realizing I was sleeping in the same bed with a stranger. It was not easy to get out either.  I can only imagine for anyone in this cabal network it's like waking up realizing you married into the mafia and trying to get a divorce could mean your death. I do not think he was ever a white hat but grey is possibly and so is him wanting to redeem himself when he saw his compromises had lead down the path to evil further than he had ever imagined.