My Experience With The SSA (Not the Babylon Bee) Automated Voice: (Translated from Spanish) Misuse of this system is a federal crime under US Code Part 35,269,876,534 Subchapter S, paragraph 547, unless, of course, you are a democrat. If you'd like to subvert the duly elected current Executive Administration, please press 1. If you'd like to harvest ballots on behalf of the democrat candidate in the upcoming 2020 presidential election, please press 2. If you'd like to access the money that we have stolen from you over the course of your long career, please hang up, run one up your ass and pretend like there is a gorilla hunched over you. If you'd like to hear simulated sounds of sexually aroused primates during this task, please stay on the line until the next available illegal alien puts down the federal benefits calculator and answers your call, in the order it was received.  Long, drawn out, interminable pause (Chinese national anthem background music playing.) Human being: Dayum, how did you get through? Me: Hello, I'm trying to create an account at My SSA but it is asking me security questions that are a complete mystery to me.  Human being: Yes, we have turned operations of the federal government over to Equifax and it seems as though they can't handle it. We have other things to do. But you can call them like everyone else has to, would you like their number? True story!