I was honestly very scared of having kids - but when the time came I felt grace and comfort and knew.  The fear was gone. I've never felt such helplessness in my life - as a father.  Having children is not something we can do - so we are forced into experiencing all of it from afar - even when we are there the entire time.  We miss the majority of the kicks.  We sit near restlessly trying to find a way to comfort.  When the birth comes we can only trust in God and do what we know to do. Fatherhood itself shows that helplessness.  Many fathers section themselves off alone.  They talk but never really communicate with others.  When the huge hits come and you find out your kid is sick or that the entire weight of the world falls on you to stand in the way so this world doesn't get to them before they are big enough to fight back.  That helplessness feeling is so daunting ... I used to see myself as weak.  I did. Now I see myself as dealing with things head on that most of my peers were too terrified to take on and it makes me sad for them.  I know now I wasn't the weak one. Every day is a struggle.  If it were easy it would all be Eden.  It was ours to find that we need depths to experience what it feels like to soar. As a kid I was taught by family you were blessed if you ever found one Great Love. Kids are everything.  Having them made me appreciate everything more.  My parents.  My siblings. My friends. I may never change the world but maybe they can.