Warning! glitterandfailures dead ahead. They totally didn’t pay that guy to stand in. I met him on tinder and he wuvs real womyns. He’s totally into me, except when he disappears into bathhouses or is blowing our male neighbor to prove that he doesn’t like it.  Notice how me and the girls are ready for anything! Whether it’s fighting for the last brownie at Starbucks, pushing past the stupid slow orderers at KFC or a panicked waddle for a public toilet, my raw and enormous ass wet-burping the morning’s bad choices down my leg, I look tough doing it! My amazing figure looks simply stunning in Grandma’s clothes from 1980. Bumpy legs are sexy, I had to lube to squeeze these ‘pants’ on. Oh, and inverted knee caps show that I’m strong. Grrr!