Fat Lard Giving Advice At The Gym Sooooo I'm back home for the holidays and yesterday my younger brother (a total gym rat) decides that we're gonna lift and do cardio at our local Y. We're just starting our workout when who walks in but our mutual friend from high school. Now this guy was big in high school but oh my god he's gained AT LEAST 100 pounds since I last saw him about 2 years ago. His face is completely round. A literal sphere from all the neck fat. His belly is peeking out from under his too small T-shirt. I would put him at a solid 400 pounds at 19 years old.  Despite my immediate horror and disgust, I smile and ask him how his first year of school is going. He tells me it's not going too well (shocker) and I express my condolences. I ask him if he's gonna workout today (subtly shitlording) and he tells me he's going to "do some cardio."  "Well, my brother and I are doing chest today and you're welcome to get into the rotation. We just started." "Oh no, that's okay," he says, his jowls jiggling uncontrollably. After being completely unfazed by his response, I start spotting my brother on the bench press and hammy is chatting me up the whole time. And giving my brother advice! ON HOW TO FUCKING LIFT! My brother has been going to the gym since he was like 10. Believe me, he's got the form down. We keep going, ignoring his comments as best as possible, but he literally keeps following us to the different machines not doing a single lift himself (trying to postpone his workout I'm sure).  He keeps saying things like "make sure you're breathing", "keep your hands farther apart", "don't go down so low", "I used to live at this gym", "I know all the ins and outs of lifting." At one point I told him that I was just going to listen to my brother because he really knows what he's doing as he has been consistently lifting for many years. After about an hour, we're ready to go and we say goodbye to the lardbeast. My final words to him were "have fun with your cardio." My brother and I walked out talking mad shit and when we looked in the window as we left he was STANDING on a treadmill not moving. Then, when we were outside and could see through another window he was STANDING at a different fucking machine.  My bro said "He'll probably go home and tell everyone he just spent 2 hours at the gym." Anyway, my brother and I got delicious delicious Chipotle and relished in the fact that we will never be that disgusting. It was truly a wonderful shitlordy day.