The Fat Bridesmaid, Part 7: The Final Chapter Here it is, shitlords and shitladies! I am proud to present, for your reading pleasure, the final chapter in The Fat Bridesmaid Saga! Get yourself caught up here: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 The photos took longer than expected (gee, I wonder why?) so we arrived to the hall late. There were already over 100 guests there waiting for us. We needed to form our receiving line, and quickly. For those of you unfamilliar with this tradition, essentially the bridal party and families of the bride and groom form a line and greet all the guests as they enter. All the guests form a big, long line and come by to shake everyone's hand, say hello, and give hugs. It's a good opportunity for the bridal party to see all the guests at least once during the evening, in case you can't make it around to all the tables during the night. It was very chaotic. Given that we were late and there was already a huge line-up, everyone in the bridal party seemed pretty frazzled. We were all tired, sore, and hungry. My mom, being the take-charge kind of lady she is, made sure everyone in the bridal party knew what was expected of them, and organized us all in the correct order. Our receiving line was headed by the parents, followed by my sister and her husband, then the best man, and my other sister and I (we both shared the maid-of-honour duties). Directly beside me was The Fat Bridesmaid, followed by the other 2 bridesmaids, who were all responsible for handing favours to the guests. The groomsmen rounded out the end of the line, and were charged with the responsibility of helping people find their name tags and their seats. My mom made sure to give everyone clear, concise instructions on their role in the receiving line. The Fat Bridesmaid was panicking. Not only was she complaining that she was sore and hungry (we all were, but the rest of us had the decency not to complain about it) but she also wasn't listening to instructions. She didn't know what she should be doing, even though my mom explained it to her already. With a bit of panic in her voice, she asks my sister (the maid-of-honour) what she needed to do. My sister told her just to stand there, greet people as they came by, and give them a wedding favour. One favour per couple, or per family with children. She said if there were families with adult children, to give one favour to the parents, and another one to the adult child and his/her date. The Fat Bridesmaid nods, and takes her place beside me again. People start coming through the line. After the first few guests, the Fat Bridesmaid turns to me this time, and asks again: "what am I even supposed to be doing in this line?" At this point, I'm pissed off. I'm not sure if she's complaining that she doesn't want to be in the receiving line, or if she really IS that stupid and didn't understand the instructions the first two times they were explained to her. So I growl at her, "Stand right there. See those wedding favours?" and I point to the table behind her. "Give them to people who come by as you greet them. One per couple, or one per family." Hamderella gets defensive: "OK, fine. Jeez." Don't give me your fucking attitude, fatty. You're the idiot who can't listen to simple instructions. The dinner was uneventful. Thankfully, being at the head table, the entire bridal party sat in one big, long row and I was at the opposite end of the table from The Fat Bridesmaid. Afterwards, I made a conscious effort to avoid her at all costs. The rest of the evening was amazing. I think I had more fun at my sister's wedding than I did at my own! Around 12:30, I start getting tired. It had been an incredibly long day. I was starting to feel nauseous again from the morning sickness, and I was just plain exhausted. It was time for me to leave. I had warned my family ahead of time that I probably wouldn't be staying until the very end to help clean up. Even though I felt bad for not fulfilling my final duties as a bridesmaid, everyone understood and told me to go home and rest. "Besides," they said, "there's more than enough bridesmaids and groomsmen to help." I grabbed my coat, and started to say goodbye to everyone who was left. I was going back to my parents' place for the night, and had also offered to drive a friend of my sister's back to his place so that he wouldn't have to get a cab. As I was waiting for him to say goodbye to my sister, The Fat Bridsemaid waddles up to me. "You're leaving?" she pants. "Yeah, I'm tired," I replied. "I'm exhausted too. My feet hurt. Are you going back to {theepilepticferret's town} tonight?" she asked me. "No," I said, "I'm going back to {my parents' city}." I didn't say anything else. Even though I was going back to the same place she was, I didn't offer her a ride back, and she didn't ask. I left it at that, and went back to my parents' place. My husband got back to my parents' place about an hour after I did. I could tell he was pissed off about something, so I asked him. "It was {The Fat Bridesmaid}," he said. "Everyone else was helping to load up the gifts, take down the decorations, and clean up, but she just sat there whining about how tired she was and how much her feet hurt." I smirked. "I'm not surprised. Hams are all good for nothing." TL;DR: The Fat Bridesmaid whines the entire night about being tired and her feet hurting, and has to be told multiple times what to do durnig the receiving line. She doesn't help with any of the take-down duties after the reception, and instead sits on her fat ass and complains the whole time about being exhausted and sore. Bonus: Yesterday, The Fat Bridesmaid didn't roll out of bed until noon. With the DST change, it was more like 1 o'clock (we "fell back" an hour Sunday morning). Everyone else in the house was up by 9am. My mom wanted her out of the house long before then. She didn't even bother to thank my parents for putting her up the whole weekend. Hams make the worst house guests. Acknowledgements: I hope you all have enjoyed reading this saga as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I have loved regaling you all with tales of The Fat Bridesmaid. I'm glad I never have to speak to this ham again, but at the same time, part of me is disappointed that there won't be any more chapters in The Fat Bridesmaid Saga. Thank you, FPH, for coming with me on this grueling journey.