S-hit-lord and run So, I love bicycling. I live downtown, in a city that's very bike friendly and has a lot of very picturesque old neighborhoods and gorgeous river views, so I take advantage of them as much as I can. The other day, I was out on my usual route, when someone honked at me. Not the usual polite beep beep, but a full on palm-against-the-wheel HOOOOOOONNNNNNKK. This is about as startling as you can imagine, and it surprises me, since not only am I as far over as I can get, we're about twenty feet away from an intersection with a red light, so it's not like I'm really impeding anyone. Still, I try to get over as far as I can, just in case someone desperately needs to get by. I stop at the intersection, and turn around to see who honked at me. Oh. A junky old Honda pulls up, with the front end sagging like an elephant is sitting on it. Two trashy looking mayos are sitting in the front, staring at me with a combination of confusion and repulsion, like they stare at a salad without ranch. The femayo driver rolls down the passenger window, leans over the formerly-male passenger, and yells, "Yew oughta ride dat on duh sidewalk!" This pisses me off, so I shoot back, "You ought to lose about 200 pounds." Her eyes bulge, and her mouth gapes like a fish. The male mayo yells something indistinct, shoves his door open, and starts rocking around in the front seat, trying to wrench himself free. Suddenly, the realization that this dude might have a gun hits me, and I kick off and start riding up the road, trying to get something between me and him in case he does. After getting about thirty feet and several parked cars between us, I look back, and see that not only does he not have a gun, he's actually trying to chase me, slowly waddling up the sidewalk while puffing indistinct threats. I crack up and start egging him on, while slowly biking ahead, keeping about twenty feet between us. This angers him, and he breaks into a 'sprint', maintaining a light jogging pace for about ten steps before stopping, putting his hands on his knees, and bending over like he's just run a marathon. He looks back up at me and starts gesticulating furiously. I smile and shrug, and he flips me off and starts lumbering back to the car. Unfortunately, this story doesn't have any great punchline. As much as I'd hoped he would collapse and expire on the pavement, he made it back to the car, and his hambeast girlfriend drove off. It still put me in a great mood.