All aboard the fat fuck train So I'm here to unleash the fucking fury. Sitting on the fucking train from London to Birmingham it's a beautiful fucking day, seriously sun is properly shining and it's actually warm. I'm mildly happy. So naturally lets spoil the fucking scenery by plonking 3 fat stinking cheese curds near me and replace the scent of cut grass with garlic bread, and Cheese&Onion fucking crisps, and OH YES! OF FUCKING COURSE! The fucking ticket inspector is a fucking cholesterol quiche who after checking my ticket, proceeds to crab style side walk past the fucking table somehow dragging my laptop bag off the table with his "this lift is reaching capacity" arse. Note to self: burn that laptop bag. If only this fat fuck put as much effort into checking his weight as he did into checking my fucking ticket is valid. FUCK