Planets, a Shitcouple, and Heart! Okay so, first time post; sorry if it's hard to read or anything and it's gonna be long as shit so hold on. (I'm 25/F if that helps this story.) My parents are both huge planets (M and D for the story) and M's best friend, H, used to be a skinny shitlord till divorce and stuff and now shes a whale too. Both H and M always prattle on about fat logic together and M is so off the fatty deep-end that I'm not sure how to bring her back anymore. D used to work 2 jobs (IT by day, Vineyard owner by weekend) and stayed in decent shape but M's eating habits and her forcefulness has pulled him to the darkside of fat too. (He actually confessed to me last night that he, at 65, weighs as much as 2X of himself as when he first got married at my age. That's two fucking people in one body.) Anyway, so D invites me to go to see Heart in concert with him, M and H also in attendance, and I happily agree. I love Heart! I'm not in the best of moods so I'm just "along for the ride" for the 3 hours before the show. We get to the winery and the first word out of M's mouth: M: "Good thing we got here early so we have time to walk up." I have been to more stupid wineries than I ever freaking wanted in my life so I automatically go, "Oh, must be stairs" because stairs are common in hill-perched wineries. No. No stairs. We have to go up this like, 30d incline hill that gently slopes around in a curve till you reach the flat building part of the winery. We go up this, everyone puffing quietly to keep up with my liesurely stroll, and after a minute or two, the complaints start. H: I wish there was some cart thing that could just drive me in.  (Small white cart w/ lift for wheelchairs zooms by with no wheelchairs, just fats on it) H: Oooooh just like that let me on~ (Waves her hand after it and then looks put-out it didn't stop) Now, for the record, H really scares me. She's been M's best friend for like, 20 years of my life now and shes just a big grumpy lady (like, 6'4 tall) and she has always scared me so I try to always be polite around her. I say nothing and we continue in. During this time, they're oinking away ahead of D and I so I'm not sure what got said. During this time though I started to really watch people though. Everyone was the same shape as D, M, and H. I live in California and this surprised me because I normally never see that many hamplanets in one place.  And of course the event had food tents of every kind and of course my troop of pigs wanted to eat and drink before the show. So they do and its disgusting and I don't really want to think about the details of that part this early in the morning. We were there so early that we had plenty of time to sit in these little plastic chairs on the patio and watch the abundance of hamplanets streaming into the entrance. Like, I cannot even begin with this shit. Like waddling penguins dressed in elaborate disguises wandering around aimlessly trying to find someone or something to shove in their gullets. Pizzas, burgers, fish and chips, beers and liquors, and the venue we were at even had two full 5-course dinner options. It was intense and there was probably one normal person for every dozen piggies.  Whatever, this is all still fine I guess, I just really want to see Heart. The whole time waiting up for the actual show was just watching the land-walruses juggle their food and crap while listening to the slapping waves of M and H giggling and laughing about who-fucking-cares. It was only after we started filing into the concert area that I start to get a little uncomfortable. M and H are making semi-rude comments about passers-by (this is normal), and it's embarassing to be around them when they're in ear-shot of the person they're making fun of because EVERY DAMN FUCKING TIME the person, no matter if they are a shitlord or a ham, looks at me with this "do something about your pigs" look and I just die a little inside because going out is hard anyway. So we get to our seats which are just wooden bleachers with numbers on the backs and the row is already sorta full. I let my pigs go first and notice that my "seat" section is only about 9 inches wide now. This displeases me but I am a good daughter and I love D and I'm going to enjoy this show with him. I end up resigning myself to the job of drink fetcher for the evening to relax my legs from standing lock-kneed. Standing is giving me a better view of the incoming crowds of people and it was just hamplanets and whales and chunky small-fats with big purses and shorts and crop tops and everyone was middle age and it was all really not good. I would go into the adventures of me getting drinks but just...pretend I was Neo with drinks instead of guns dodging fats not bullets.  FINALLY FOR FUCKS SAKE THE SHOW STARTS. Low lights, there like, 4 skinny girls right at the front of the stage wiggling around (which they do for the whole show and yes, super jealous I couldn't be up front too), and everything is awesome. The music is awesome, they're awesome, everything is fucking awesome. Totally worth. The only thing that bums me is how most of the fats couldn't remain standing for the duration of a whole song and were constantly going up and down by me on their way to more food or drink. On our way out, we had to walk back up all of these long spirally hills to back to the car, which we climbed even slower than we went down, and just as we approached the parking lot and get within eye-line of the car... A wild Shitcouple appears. Apparently they had been walking behind M and H for a while on the narrow path and when it finally widened, they took their chance to hurridly walk around them. Just before this, M and H and mentioned that it was a long walk and needed a break. As the shitcouple passed, I heard this exchange: SLady: Being a runner is nice... SLord: Yeah, we can at least walk up hills without needing a break. and of course H (being just a classy woman all the time) retorts back with H: At least my ass isn't so tight that my asshole eats my underwear (she said britches). The shitcouple shot a couple of dirty looks back and all I could do is just walk along sheepishly while M and H cackled endlessly the rest of the way to the car and while I drove my drunk pigs home.  So TL;DR: I took my pigs to a winery to see a show and they embarrassed and disgusted me. Heart was awesome though. 10/10