A Tale from the Tow Truck: A Hammy St. Patrick's Day Since it was St. Patrick's Day, there were quite a few parties and small events going on around the city I tow in. Mix that in with road work in multiple places, and people are parallel parked closer than usual to each other, meaning we definitely can't just fit the arm around the front and have to get out and move the car into the road ourselves. I'm working with my coworker Jeremy, the fit ex-firefighter. It's warm out so I'm wearing shorts and a short tank top under my work shirt, which I only had buttoned up halfway. Also, due to all the increased activity, most people are just walking or biking around instead of driving, so it's been a slow night. A lot of people walking are hams, jaywalking and holding up traffic as it takes them 5 minutes to wheeze across a 3 lane road. Anyway, there's an area in a that we aren't allowed to go to alone, due to gang activity. So we where heading back to the city from that area, which is in another county, because we do have a couple contracts around there when we get a call to tow a car from the main city. We were already in the truck together so we decide to just go together to get it.  We get to the car to see that it's parallel parked too close to just load it using the lift, so we have to get out and use the dollies. For anyone who doesn't know what they are, here's a short video explaining them. Anyway, we get to the car and get out to talk to the driver, a male who could have been Sal Vulacono's twin, so I'll just call him HeHam, was accompanied by two "females." One (going to call her Purple, after her hair) was around 270, wearing a light green crop top with "Kiss me I'm Irish" written across in dark green sequins.  Her fupa hung past the waistband of her shorts and her 10lbs of makeup did nothing for her moon face and her black with purple highlights hair looked like it hadn't been washed in at least a few days. The other one (gonna call her Lucky) was easily 300lbs and had brown hair and wore a horrid black sundress combined with a bunch of shamrock party favors that made it look like the holiday jewelry aisle of the dollar store threw up on her. Complete with light up necklace and earrings.  We get to the the driver and his companions and start talking about where to tow it, and as soon as Jeremy tells them the price, Lucky opens her mouth. “Oh I can't afford that, do you think we could make other arrangements?” She was blinking in an attempt to bat her eyelashes so fast, it's a shame she didn't have epilepsy or we'd be watching her seize all over the ground.  “No, you can't.” Jeremy replied. “Shut up, it's not even your car.” Heham told her.”I'll pay it.”  I head over to the car to start filling out the receipt form. HeHam sits down on the curb and starts fiddling on his phone while Lucky and Purple keep bothering Jeremy, who's trying to get in the truck to turn it around and move it closer to the car.  “So what are you going to do tonight?” Purple asks. “Work.” “Then whaaaat?” Lucky asks. “Go home.” “Why don't you take us with you?” Lucky asks. “No thanks. I'm not interested in you.” “Oh, you will be! We'll do what you like!” Purple declares “You physically can't do what I like.” He replied, while looking then up and down. I couldn't hear the rest, because he finally got past them into the truck and started it. After he moved it, I approached him to have him put the paper in the truck while he was still in it. “They won't leave me alone.” Jeremy says, obviously annoyed. “Just follow my lead then.” I told him, giving him a wink while I took of my work top so I was just in my tank top. I reached for the dollies (which sit on the back of the truck like this except ours are older versions of the ones shown in the video and sit where this trucks tall cabinet is) which can be hard for me to get without climbing up because I'm short and you have to lift them up about six inches and out of the hole they sit in. So instead of just climbing up like normal, I tried and failed to reach them, gave out a big sigh. “Jeremy, I can't get it! Can you help me?” I asked, doing my best “cutesy whine.” He laughed and got it down for me, and then got the other one down from the other side. We lined them up under the front tires and lifted the wheels. I went to the back to make sure we didn't hit the way to closely parked car behind it, and to assist in turning the car. We started pushing, him from the front passenger side, and me from the rear driver side, and got the car out of the spot enough to get the arm from truck underneath.  “Oh, you're soo strong!” Purple said to Jeremy.  “Not strong enough for you.” He replied. I came around the front to help take the dollies back off. I saw Lucky and Purple giving me a dirty look as I handed my dolly back so he could put it back. So I shot them and wink and ran my fingers up his arm as he took the dolly from me.  Competition mode activated. They immediately started in with trashing me and trying to brag their way into his pants. “You don't think she's cute, do you?” “She's too skinny.” “Don't you like my curves?” “My boobs are bigger!” “I can show how a real women treats her man!” As they were doing that and he's trying to deny them, I backed up the truck and got it loaded and ready to go. Heham, meanwhile was shooting Jeremy a look of pure hatred. I strode on up to him, put one arm around him, handed him the keys and put my other hand on his chest. “Are you ready to go hon?” He put one arm around my waist and opened the passenger door with the other. “Yeah, I like being stuck in there with a thin, pretty girl all night. The city is getting too farm-y around here.” We laughed as I climbed in passenger side and he ran around to the other side to get in the driver seat. Lucky and Purple shouted something about blowjobs, but I couldn't hear them clearly. We drove off to HeHam's house, where he wanted the car towed, pulled up in the driveway and waited for them. They pulled up in a taxi and I got out to get the money and give the receipt. HeHam told the girls to go inside, approached me, handed me the money, and signed the receipt. I gave him his copy and instead of taking it and leaving, he wrote something on it and handed it back. “When you're ready for someone who has more than just looks, my number is on there.” “Oh,” I replied “I couldn't ever get tired enough of him that I'd consider someone your size.” The look of defeat was priceless.