Childhood shitlording I was reminiscing about my childhood today and the shitlording I did as a youngster.  I had a neighbour when I was a kid, I was about 9, she was about she was about 7. She was a ham beast, truly a whale in the making.  So you know how most children knock on their friends doors to ask if they want to play outside with them, go to the park etc...This hamplanet would knock on my door everyday to ask if we 'had any snacks??'...yes, she would knock on the door purely to request food!  Anyway, I always said no...she clearly wasn't underfed, she was just a greedy hog. Even my parents used to take the piss out of her and refer to her as 'piggy'. As time went by she slowly but surely expanded, getting bigger and bigger everyday. Even as a young child I was fully aware of what a disgusting creature it was. In the 4-5 years she lived next to me I only saw her exercise once... and that was running after the ice cream van. Everyday she would waddle up to the ice cream man with £20 in her fat little hand and order about 5 ice creams, eventually the ice cream man actually started to refuse to give her more than one because he could see what a fat pig she was, he was literally willing to lose out on £20 of business per day just to stop her from gorging her fat face with more food. Anyway, eventually I got sick of her ways, particularly the knocking on my door demanding food so instead of humouring her I began to take action. Whenever she knocked on my door, I would answer the door and immediately slam it in her face without saying anything, this got the message across that she isn't welcome here. But still she persisted for several months before her brain (which was probably clogged up with fat) finally clocked on to the fact I hated her and wasn't going to feed her anymore. As a result of this eventual realisation, we fell out. I remember unleashing my inner shitlord to her, repeatedly stressing what a fat pig she was. Her response- she clutched her fat stomach rolls and said "fat? This? This is pure muscle" I laughed in her fat face and never spoke to her again. Soon after this happened her family ended up getting kicked out their house because her dad got taken to jail. So I never had to watch her waddling round my street again. Anyway, that is a fond childhood memory of mine and it makes me happy that even as a small child I was a shitlord.  Also, I just checked her Facebook profile and turns out she's now the size of Jupiter and has an equally fat boyfriend whom she has had a fat child with....the cycle of fatties will repeat itself.