Hamfriend got me a date Disclaimer, she buys me all kinds of stuff (clothes, show tickets, spotify subscription) in exchange for me occasionally spending time with her, regardless of how much I fatshame her.  So a few weeks ago we went on a double date, tinder social kind of thing. The ham was afraid of going alone and asked me to come along, I wanted to see who was the sad fuck who was actually going through with paying for her slop.  So we drove separately, I said I'd meet them there, can't stand the smell of her car. The guys were waiting at the entrance, one was fit and the other was skinny fat. I assumed the skinny fat guy was her date, but instead it was the fit guy. She was running late so I approached them and the fit one said, "You're different from your pics, but still cute" I laughed and explained that I'm the friend brought along for the ride. Skinny-fat started smiling like crazy when hamfriend showed up and fit guy looked like he just saw titanic snap in half. She waddles over and introduces herself and his face changes from confusion to anger, "YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE YOUR PICTURES! LIKE HELL I'M GOING IN THERE WITH YOU! FUCK THIS I'M OUT". Ham starts sobbing and I'm laughing my ass off, skinnyfat asks for my number and a potential date. I was laughing too hard to give him and answer, I just nodded. So I wrote my number on a napkin and told skinnyfat to give it to his fit friend. Hamfriend stops blubbering to ask , "You're going to talk to him for me?" I couldn't help but start laughing again.  Later today I have a date with the fit guy, he doesn't want to acknowledge ham's existence at this point.