Fireworks & Fat Fingers Looking at all the 4th of July themed posts in this subverse got me thinking about people injuring themselves by mishandling fireworks and, of course, fats. At first I thought that even if each finger weighed a pound that would not reduce a fat's weight to normal. Upon reflection it occurred to me that if they lost all their fingers they might lose weight because they would have trouble shoveling food into their gaping maws. While writing this I realized that they would just knock the food on the floor, stomp on the package (or drive over it a few times), and lap the resulting slurry off the floor.