The minute you start using excuses and saying that you're not in control is the minute you admit defeat and deserve zero help until you're ready to admit that your problem and your life is your fault and at any time you can change it.  Eh, for a lot of people blaming themselves is an excuse in and of itself, i.e. learned helplessness. A lot of people don't change because they convince themselves they're hopeless pieces of shit who can't change so there's no point in even trying. Generally though blaming yourself is the opposite of mindfulness, it's better to take a cause and effect approach and acknowledge that you CAN take steps to move your life in the right direction and identify those steps.