Sad Sack of Shit on the Sidewalk FINALLY. I was able to make an account. Let me tell you a story. It was Saturday night and I was up to my usual shenanigans of browsing FPH while leveling a toon on [MMO I'm too embarrassed to name], when my friend asked if I wanted to go with her to [area known for its bustling nightlife]. Normally I would say no because fuck putting on pants, but this friend, Tiny, and I had put in about 6 hours straight on this MMO and I was feeling kind of restless. So we log off and drive over to meet Tiny's buddies at a club, playing Dodge the Drunks and Spot the Sluts while searching for parking. We finally get inside this place, drinks in hand and feeling under dressed in our jeans and sandals, when I spot it. A short, chocolate-colored ham in a flowery tarp/dress drunkenly shuffling toward us, toward the exit...flanked on either side by some burly-looking guys wearing earpieces. She's being escorted out, I chuckled to myself. Typical. As it got closer, I noticed that it wasn't quite walking on its own. There was actually a man (presumably the husband) behind it, trying his best to carry/push the thing across the floor without getting swallowed up by blubber. Poor bastard. His night was about to get much worse. He made it outside, but the cobblestone patio proved to be too much for his drunken whale of a wife and she tripped. She tripped...and I witnessed the saddest, most hilarious thing. The two of them were surrounded by security and rather than move to catch her fall...each of the 5 or so dudes reflexively dodged out of the way. I'm glad everyone in the vicinity was watching the spectacle because I damn near aspirated my drink while trying (and failing) not to laugh out loud. If you've never seen a fatty fall, you owe it to yourself to do a YouTube search right now. Comedy. Gold. Anyway, Hubby placed his jacket under Tubby's head and lit up a smoke while she jiggled, face down, on the sidewalk like a pile of pudding, still rambling and drunkenly gesticulating. When the paramedics showed up, they struggled to get her on the gurney and ended up flashing her cottage cheese thighs. Disgusting. On multiple levels! How can you A) let yourself get that drunk in such a public place and B) think that spending so much money on booze is a good idea???? This bitch was BIG. Maybe 5'6, just under 300 pounds. I can't imagine the number of sugary cocktails it took to get her that hammered.