Mid-lecture rant //in fucking real time, might I add You’re a blithering fucking misbegotten neckbeard parody of a plan B malfunction. Are you fucking kidding me? Why did you feel the need to rudely intertwine your massive orbit with my little corner seat? I understand that you must rest your massive gut against the desk and rock your girth backwards to lend balance back to the universe; the lecture room is quite tiny, but you simply had to invade my little bastion of safety. The next five hours of physics is going to be such fucking fun.  You were late, yet you still managed to scan the place with an eye of a corpulent German aristocrat checking on his estate before plopping your amoeba-like slush that even your skin seemed to resent next to me. You know, you cunt, I think I understand psycho killers in situations like these. You looked like a child devoid of the last piece of candy when I shifted to the seat far far far far away from you. You look like those warning pictures on cigarette packets would in the context of food. You are "knowingly" and "thoughtfully" nodding your head each time the professor ends a sentence and laugh a little "I know so much more than you" laugh that's as entertaining as listening to a wasp caught in a chainsaw factory after each three. Between those two, you huff.  Jesus Christ on a fucking electric scooter, you huff like an exasperated steam engine on its last legs. You look at me and raise an eyebrow and grin in the most condescending, pathetic manner I've seen. If I wanted to look at a 300 lbs waddling human beta test...I'd gouge my eyes out, nobody wants that.  Your breathing alone is making me look like an amphetamine addict because of the jitters and inability to focus, since every few seconds you attempt to impersonate a mountain range above an active lava pool and hurl a gutfilled snicker into your stale plaid shirt.   I wouldn’t be so on edge if I wasn’t forced to live with your female equivalent (working on that) who is actively making my life living hell.  But that’s not your fault. You alone are the bane of my momentary existence and you eye-fucking the professor is kidding no one. It’s almost as bad as yesterday, when you tried to use a Breaking Bad reference (seriously? FUCKING SERIOUSLY?) as a pickup line and proceeded to attempt to neg me when I responded. I was balls deep in a protocol and just finished a three hour physical chemistry lecture – hear that? That’s Heisenberg rolling in his grave because you just abused his entire body of work. And you got it wrong.  Is this revenge? Oh, wow, would you look at that, you just pulled out a two liter bottle of diluted sugar and began chomping on something. Does living down to expectations help you cope?  Rant over, but jesus fuck, I’m seething.