Waiting at the car dealership and I think this porker is going to die here I'm waiting at the car dealership with my grandma to get her car worked on (seriously, a 60k car and the fucking gas door doesn't open when it's supposed to. Fuck that noise) and I'm bored as shit. So they have free donuts and coffee. Tempting, donuts are my weekness, but we're going out for lunch so I'll wait.  Then comes this fatty. Hes not 300lb obese but he's still fat as hell. He's carrying a fucking can of soda and hes fucking wheezing as he comes in. First thing he does when he sits down is crinkle open a candy bar and crack open his can of beetus.  Ok he's gross, but now he pops his headphones in and I can hear his shit clear as day. Sounds like some hip hop shit. Fucker looks over 50. When your life expectancy is 55 does that count as a "mid life crisis"?  So now this hamhock is gross and rude. He's shoveling candy or some other garbage into his throat hole and I hear what I thought was someone moving parts outside, we are at the service station after all! But no... it's this fucking horker /wheezing/. Not only can I hear it over his music and the shit going around the office, I mistook it for someone handling large car parts outside.  I expected it to go on for a few minutes before he caught his beetus breath from the long, arduous 10 foot journey from his XXL scootypuff (car), but it's been 15 fucking minutes and its only getting worse. He's getting so loud I thought he was fucking snoring. This fucker is so pathetic that his normal breathing sounds like he's snoring. I actually thought at one point it might be it's pathetic attempt at humming along to his end life crisis tunes, but no, he's just fucking breathing. Fat fuck probably puts his music so high so he doesn't have to listen to his own failing walrus lungs struggle to function enough to stay alive.  I shot him a dirty look and it stopped snore-breathing for all of 2 minutes. Maybe he was holding his breath? Maybe he should do it longer. It shouldn't take too long for it to lose consciousness and maybe all the weight behind the fall would crack it's head op-OHMYGOD it just walked past me and it smells like shit! Send backup!