Hamily steals my food So I was staying in this lovely British house from a previous era for a few days - the kind where you get a room for yourself but had to share the kitchen with other visitors. I wasn't worried, this place had only 2 large rooms and a smaller one that seemed to be empty when I arrived. So I unpacked, took a look around and then went to buy some groceries - fruit, veg, skim milk and a stick of butter for my toast. I didn't want to waste any more of the sunny day inside so I went to explore the localities. It was already late when I returned, so I decided to go straight to bed. The downsides of historic housing became apparent immediately. I could hear every single step the upstairs neighbors took. I hadn't seen any of them yet but judging from the noise there had to be at least ten. Then came the morning. I felt tired and hungry so I set my steps towards the kitchen for some toast, fried veg, coffee and fruit. Something caught my eye though, something incredibly hammy. There were empty pizza boxes on the table with kfc and Chinese take-away containers laid upon them. Several soda bottles and cups stood scattered around the lard mound, much like a bunch of diabolical Christmas presents. The house was still quiet though so I quickly started preparing my meal, hoping I'd be out of there asap. No such luck. The first giant butterball started rolling down the stairs just as I was staring at my now empty canister of skim milk. (The owners provide some food items for the visitors, among them a colossal container of full fat milk so there was no way this was an accident) It was just milk so I wasn't too annoyed, so I turned around to greet my fellow travelers. It should've been obvious, but still I almost lost my balance. It was a hamily of 5 - mother and father ham who seemed to clock in at at least 400lbs, college aged daughter ham, maybe 300lbs and two miraculously skinny teenage boys who made the rest of them seem even bigger. Americans. Loud Americans. The daughter was unusually calm for a ham and shared her ambitions to go to an uni abroad. With that family..it's gonna be tough. But here comes the real reason I'm writing this story. Although coffee and omelet were now out of the question, I decided to make some fried veg with plain toast on the side. All my veg was curiously just where I left them, imagine that? Oddly enough, I couldn't find the butter though. A sick thought entered my mind as I was searching..oh well why not. So I went to check the lard mound of fast food and diet sodas. And yes, there it was, the silver butter wrapper, folded into two. I used a lone chopstick to unfold it. The butter had been scraped off. All of it.  They had eaten an entire stick of butter in the mere hours I was away.