Surprised I didn't get eaten on the weekend. A drunken ham encounter. I'm a university student and was at a campus party last weekend, drinking and such. I was stood beside a beer pong table when a felt a strange pull from behind me, immediately turning around there was nothing touching me, but I had actually been caught in the gravitational field of a ham planet. I grimaced and moved over an over exaggerated amount to make room for her, just so she knew how much space she took up imo, and continued on with my night. A ball fell at her feet and I giggled as she struggled to reach down and get it until she heard me say "when you can't even get a ping pong ball.." to which she replied "hehe yeah I'm just soo drunk." Nah it's cause you can't reach past your fucking gut. She eventually got the ball somehow and assumed I was joking with my comment and this conversation happened: Ham: "finally got it!" Me: "great."  Her: "yeah I picked up one ball but I went out tonight trying to pick up two.." Me: (I should mention I didn't want to look like too much of an asshole since another girl was beside me I was trying for) "uhh...yeah well I'll let Lance fucking Armstrong know you're not interested in uni-ballers." Her: "hehe yeah he has to have two...plus I just bought condoms that glow in the dark," (approaches me) "they'd make your Dick look like a lightsaber, what guy wouldn't want that?" Deciding to end this I just said "that's dope, if I fuck an actually hot girl tonight I might ask you for one of them." I didn't hook up that night but I doubt she would have given me one of those condoms. Bitch.