My fat doesnt effect anyone but me - confined space edition Tldr: IT GOT EVERYWHERE! I had to throw out my suit because pig juice. As i stated in my previous stories, I work in security and counter terrorism. I got into this through standard security, starting in clubs. As i was usually the only girl working crowdie in the club on any given night it would always be my job to check the female toilets every hour or so to make sure no one was drowning in their own vomit. One night we had an incident that required all staff to attend so i ended up missing one of my hourly checks. When i finally got to the toilets i found a whale had beached itself in one of the stalls. It was probably about 100kg and 5 foot 4 ish. It was wearing a black halter top and a pair of silver booty shorts. If it had ever had shoes, they were long gone. This is never what you want to find on a toilet check, especially when you know your going to have to touch it because its not responding to you yelling at it and tapping (hitting) it with the stall door. But the situation was made so, so much worse because this MONSTER has thrown up all over itself. And i do mean ALL over itself. Im fairly certain that it threw up then rolled around it its own vomit for the better part of 2 hours; possibly in a vain attempt to stand before passing out completely. Im also fairly certain it had been drinking sambuka because the vomit was thick and blackish and smelt like the death of my final hopes and dreams. So i do what im paid to do, attempt to drag it to the door and throw it in a taxi. unfortunataly i was still fairly new at this, otherwise i would have started by calling in the three large men i was working with and let them do the heavy lifting (know your limits kids,  back injuries are no joke).  Instead i squeeze into the stall and attempt plan A: glove up and grab its arms. No good, they slip right out of my grip because (and i cant stress this enough) they are coated in vomit and blubbery. plan b: grab its shirt and start pulling. Very bad idea. This pigs shirt was overstrained by containing its bulk. As i pulled on the fabric it tore along one seam, ripping free and slapping into my arm and chest, leaving large streaks on my suit jacket. This left me with a cheap vomit stained tent in one hand and a now topless (because of course it wasnt wearing a bra) pig still face down in a toilet, black ooze slowly dripping off it as it chewed in its drunken stupor. This was when i took a  took a moment to reflect on where my life was going. I decided one place it wasnt going was sticking my hand in the monsters pants to try pulling it out that way. I very wisely decided my life was going to take me out of the bathroom to find another guard to assist.  I found the senior crowdie, Henry. I tell Henry my problem and we make our way to the bathroom. Henry takes one look and calls in the other two guys. The four of us stand there in silence for a minute, taking in the scene, the vomit had seeped out into the basin area, the smell was unbearable, no other woman where entering the toilets at this point. The beast may have peed itself but at this point, what difference would that even make? We eventually get the beast out. I ended up climbing over it, stradeling the toilet and pushing its head and shoulders back towards the guys. This thing was dead weight in a small space, the only way to move it was for me to throw my shoukder into it and for the guys to bear hug whatever they could grab and drag.  And of course, no taxi would take the thing. we ended up leaving it on the street and calling the cops to come get it. By the end of it, all of us are covered in vomit, even inside our gloves and shoes. Nothing i was wearing was salvigable, it all went directly into the trash at the end of my shift. I drove home in only my coat. Thank god this happened in winter.