Planning a bachelorette party with surprise hams On mobile, sorry for the formatting! And I'm new here, so forgive any feaux pas please. I was recently maid of honor for my human best friend of over ten years. I will call her Bride, the two other bridesmaids are Human and Hammy. I researched this for weeks and we ended up going to a casino/resort type place. Bride wanted it to be wedding party only. Awesome. Four women, two hotel beds, one fun night, right? Planning it should have already been a red flag. I had to really push to get any help out of Hammy. I didnt know her beforehand so the only way I could contact her was through FB, which she ignored half the time. I had to get Bride involved to get any answer, which I hated to do because the bachelorette party is supposed to be fun and full of surprises, not drama filled. Hammy was the sister of the groom which is why she was party of the wedding party (yay family guilt trips!). Human is lovely and helpful enough but had to cancel last minute (we later found out she was finally pregnant and couldn't be happier for her, so her last minute absence is understandable but irked me at the time). I had paid for the hotel room upfront all by myself with the understanding that they would pay me back that day: first mistake.  Since we had one free spot at last minute, Bride wants to invite someone but of course, most people had plans or couldn't afford it. The fourth guest ended up being Hoggy, Hammy's best friend. The Bride was OK with this since she knew her and was going to be the wedding photographer anyway, so what the hell right? Oh no, such a bad idea. The party of four ended up being me, Bride, Hammy, and Hoggy.  At this point I kept asking myself, how did I get sucked into this? I live about an hour away from the others, and the casino is an hour past their town. I had agreed to pick up the others so we could all carpool, no biggie. The morning of, Bride informs me that Hammy and Hoggy are running late and will be driving in a separate car. Great!! This meant I get a few hours one on one with Bride. The car ride, check-in, and afternoon go great. Hammy and Hoggy say they will grab fast food on the road and be there shortly, so Bride and I decide to get dinner at the swanky buffet (so many hamplanets). We take our time, waiting for the other two to join us. Bride wants to get a fancy drink in a minute, and I agree wholeheartedly. They show up 20 mins before the buffet closes (at around 9pm). The first time I hear Hammy, she is whining. She whiiiiines at Bride how the staff is so mean that they can't buy dinner (meanwhile the staff has already begun packing up the buffet slowly). They already ate dinner! She is large, at least 300 pounds or so, and Hoggy is the same. Covered in makeup, so much contouring with fierce colors, but wearing yoga pants and a big tee. Not bachelorette party gear at all. She informs me that they need to go up to the hotel room and change (the hotel room I paid for). At this point I reeeeally don't like Hammy. I don't want them in the room by themselves. My shitlady kicks in. Instead of giving her the room card, I give her my slots card. They look almost identical. Off they go to get pretty (shudder) while Bride and I go to the cocktail lounge. Hammy and Hoggy call a few minutes later bitching that they can't get in the room. Oh noooo. We say we will finish our drinks and head up there.  We find them sitting in the middle of the hotel floor hallway, snapchatting their gross filtered faces. We let them in and they change and do their thing, wasting precious time. Bride is the sweetest and I don't want to ruin her night so I hold my tongue while they selfie every step of the process. Seriously, why is it that hams are the ones that take million photos of themselves? Craving validation? Luckily they practice restraint in their attire amd wear mumus.... Just kidding. They have tight dresses and leggings and strap into heels and jewelry chunkier than they are. Hammy teehees that they are broke and are soooo glad casinos give free drinks! Oh no. At this point I have to speak up. I mention the hotel room repayment and she ooooooozes sincerity when she promises to repay me at the wedding. Oh god why. I am seriously internally fuming. Even Bride seems uncomfortable. Hoggy has the decency to look ashamed but doesn't offer any help. Breath. Brush it off for now. Think of Bride.  The night gets fun now. Bride and I are wearing sashes labeling us as Bride and Maid of Honor. We get comments all night. I get hit on all night. Even Bride gets hit on by a couple creeps talking about 'last chance before ownership'. Hammy and Hoggy get more and more jealous with each compliment we recieve. Anytime someone is nice enough to compliment us as a group, the hams gush and flirt and bat their eyelashes until the guy runs off. Then they pout. Typical ' those men cant handle me anyway' crap. Bride and I could care less at this point. The casino staff eventually catches on that Bride and I have played a fair amount while Hammy and Hoggy are just sitting at the machines and snapchatting selfies (so many selfies). They bring Bride and I refills more often. Hammy starts to complain. Hoggy tries to reason with her and say they aren't spending any money. Hammy entitlement and jealousy ensues. It's their JOB to give us ALL drinks. Then she 'jokes' that they only give Bride and MOH drinks because we are skinny! She half jokingly cries discrimination teehee! eye roll Hammy and Hoggy decide that they need food as an answer to drink rationing. Fine, 2am casino diner meal here we go.  Bride and I get water. Bride and I split an appetizer just so we have something in our stomachs after drinking. Hammy and Hoggy have just an apple each. ...Just kidding. They get an appetizer sampler and full entrees each. Greasy, fried, heavy portions at 2am. Right before we head upstairs to bed. At this point I WANT them to shove all of it down their gullets so they are punished with the worst heartburn and indigestion, I just don't want to look at it.  Bed time: Bride and I share a bed with plenty of room. Hammy and Hoggy bitch and moan about it being hot and cramped. Deal with it. You reap what you sow. ...Except we all ended up dealing with the sleep apnea. How do people get to that point?!? You can't BREATHE. That is not ok! And I can't sleep!! Bullshit your fat doesn't affect anyone but you. I only slept because I had been drinking.  The next morning is resort time. Bride and I get mimosas with brunch, Hammy and Hoggy 'splurge, teehee' on Pina Coladas. The difference in meals is night and day. Omelettes with fruit salad vs country fried steak and eggs and bicuits and gravy and and and... Dont get me wrong, I enjoy a small portion of those foods on occasion but not all together. My stomach was miserable just looking at those piles of food. Especially knowing that it was about to be pool time. And we had bridesmaid dresses already purchased that we had to fit into!  We lounge by the pools afterwards. I believe you ca imagine the view. So. Many. Hams. Nothing exciting except the envy and fake confidence from the hams. Why can't theeeey look good in a bathing suit? How come other people are so luuuucky? How do you guys do iiiiiiit? I didn't want to even try to reason with them at that point. I had to leave early for work that evening. This was fine because Bride could lounge longer instead of us all having to go back in my car. She complained to me later that she wished she had gone back with me instead of staying with the hams. Surprise, surprise.  And the wedding itself? That's another story.