Of fats and advising fairs. preface. Midwestern college in the Ozarks. serves greasy food and soda at these advising fairs.  Hearken ye shitlords and shitladies. As I spin the true tale... Of fats and advising fairs. Fifth in line, I beat the crowd. Or so I had thought. Within minutes adipose and cundishuns galore show up. Great... I thought to myself. It was only a matter of minutes before even more lard barges and oreogres showed up. One after another they pipe up, as if some great travesty fell over the line. "Why don't they have chairs, I just had knee surgery" chimes one ham. Another "it's not right they make us stand for an hour." Squeaks another.  Finally the line moves as we make our way to the advisors. I'm done within a matter of minutes. During my time with my advisors, every single ham immediately went and grabbed pizza. It was a sight to behold... Almost like moths to a flame. Even after when I was sitting in the computer lab paying for my courses, it didn't fail. In walked a ham with not one... Not TWO! But there slices of pizza. I would have grabbed a piece, I'm not above a free slice of pie. However every SINGLE pizza had pepperoni, sausage, ham, or something with pork. I finally see a cheese box... Only to find it empty :( woe is a shitlord! I begurdingly grab a sprite because I was a tad nauseous from a migraine starting to form. Sorry i got off track. While I was paying for the classes, these landbeasts had heart attack piled high. Never mind they didn't wipe the keyboards or nice down after they were done.  So I come to a close. Land whales have no manners! Or any sort of brain to mouth filter...