Account Deleted By User If you’re an avid whale watcher, I’d recommend your local nail salon. Because for whatever reason, fat women (and sometimes men) are willing to invest in their nail care more than any other part of their body. Oh sure. We’ve all observed how a certain type of fat woman tends to put a lot of time into sculpting their hair into the perfect shape, getting highlights and regular trims, spending hours in the morning in front of a mirror perfecting that Kate Gosselin or Long Island medium hair style. “Why bother?” We ask ourselves. “Changing your hair doesn’t change the fact that you’re fat.” But the hair fatties have nothing on the nail fatties. Ok? Those bitches will come in and spend $150 on a mani/pedi. They’ll ooh and ahh over the latest styles and demand sparkles, shapes, and pampering. God, I feel sorry for the (usually petite Asian) nail technicians who have to massage their engorged flesh. Can someone so fat even FEEL a calf massage? Isn’t it just kneading their fat tissue at that point? Seriously. This weekend I got my nails done. Picked a quiet day, so hopefully I wouldn’t be disturbed. All was great until a huge couple walked in the door. That’s right. She brought her fat ass husband with her. Now, some of you may scoff at the idea of any man getting a pedicure. Personally I don’t really care - as long as that man is human sized. This guy was gigantic. One of those days who carries all of his weight out front - all on his stomach, man tits, and fupa. The back of him is flat as a board. The front is gargantuan. It’s pretty clear that he hasn’t seen his dick in decades. Not that it matters - it’s not like his wife’s vagina is even accessible under her layers of lard. Which brings me to the real reason I wanted to rant. The wife. This bitch gets assigned to the pedicure chair right beside me. It takes her forever to walk over to it. Huffing  and puffing. She didn’t so much walk as she just sort of hurled one side of her body forward at a time. I don’t think she bent her knees.  So she takes forever getting up into the chair. The arm rests go up while you get seated, then you’re supposed to put the armrest back down. Right? Well she couldn’t do it. The armrest wouldn’t go down because her hip/ass/hanging stomach fat was spilling over. These chairs are massive. I could fit two of myself in one side by side and still have room.  At this point idk why I kept watching. It was so horrible but it’s kind of like a car accident that you can’t tear your eyes from. She grabs her fat and picks it up and puts the arm rest down. Then she releases the fat which promptly presses back up against the arm rest, spilling over and under it. I went back to reading my kindle. But this woman was loud. Just loud. Her movements were loud. Her breathing was loud. She brought snacks and requested a coke, so her eating and drinking was loud. When they began trimming her toenails, she pointed down and very loudly and slowly said “you need to use the drimmel on that one”. I shouldn’t have looked down. But I did. Her toenails were yellow, cracked, thick, and lumpy. I guess she needed a drimmel to even out the surface? Idk. I don’t want to think about it. It was so disgusting. The skin on her calves was purple and red, like it was so full that the skin was threatening to burst. She had fat roll creases on the fronts of her ankles where her calf met foot. She was disgusting. And sitting right next to me, using that LOUD AND SLOW voice that some people use when they think the listener doesn’t speak English.  I just tried to ignore her for the rest of the time. But I noticed how, when they brought the steamed towels to wrap around her legs, that they didn’t wrap all the way. These are like, big towels. Bigger than a hand towel, smaller than a full sized towel. They should fit around your calf. But no. She had a big gap where the towel wouldn’t wrap around. How is that even possible? She and her ham planet husband continued to talk loudly to each other. I gathered from their conversation that they come here often. “Last time I got the agave sugar scrub and liked it” he said. Oh, last time? Lucky nail tech! I don’t understand. That trip to the salon probably cost them $250 between the two of them and their various upgrades and add ons. Why would you spend so much time and money on your nails when the rest of you looks like a dumpster fire? Nobody gives a shit about your nails. Nobody even notices. But I think I’ve got it. Getting your nails done - like lots of beauty treatments - is a passive activity. You get to sit in a massage chair and watch tv and eat your snacks and someone rubs your feet and trims your toenails for you - something you probably can’t even do at your weight. You get to feel special and pampered and you get to sit on your ass and do nothing. To fats, getting their nails done is a form of entertainment and indulgence.  If I’m being honest, some of those things are the reason I get my nails done too. But I’m also not 350 pounds. Getting your nails done when you’re morbidly obese is like painting a house while it burns down. Pointless.