Fat shaming at the office, part one. How it all started. Ok, converted fatso here. Working in a cubicle and an unhealthy lifestyle fucked my body up. Changed everything and now I'm a human again. I work in an office, the place where hams seem to thrive. I live in Europe (excuse my English) so we don't have full blown planets on the verge of exploding but it's bad enough to write down some of the anecdotes.  I used to not answer all their fat logic because whatever, it's not worth it. But I recently was offered a contract which ensures I'll have to kill two hams before they can ever start to think about firing me. Also, one of the hams has started complaining about me. I don't take personal attacks very well. Also, my direct boss is a shitlord but his direct boss is a ham. INTERESTING! FULL DISCLAIMER: I want to get verified so I've used this opportunity to make an account and get active on here. I used to be a lurker on r/fph. But there's a week waiting time. If the mods allow it, I'll send my verification pictures now. Otherwise, I'll make new ones next week.  Now, this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down And I'd like to take a minute Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the shitlord of our office.  It must have been 2 months ago. We're a big office, but our team is rather small. I don't care enough to get to know everyone but there's about 20 of us. 2 other shitlords (my direct boss and Joe), two hams (one who started the personal beef) and the uberham, the big boss.  Joe is not his real name. Joe is the only one here who's rather normal and we hit it off almost immediately. He works on another team but has his desk on the same floor as me. We spent most of our break times together and laugh at everything/everyone. He still calls me fat because he knows I was fat before. Nothing original but he'll drop some fat jokes once in a while. I really don't care, but this ticks the hams off.  One day, my direct boss called me into his office. I'm flabbergasted as I just keep my head down and do my work. No complaints in over two years. This would be my first one. I'm even more surprised when Joe and his direct boss (friends with the hams, of course) walk in. JoeBoss starts the conversation and says there have been complaints about us. We laugh too loud. Ham1 couldn't focus on her work (I don't even know what work she does, after two f* years). Jup, I'll just let that one sink in. We laugh too loud on OUR BREAKS. Joeboss tries to hide the fact it was ham1 but it's pretty obvious. My direct boss laughs it off and tells us to take our break away from ham1 her desk. When we leave his office, he drops this bomb: just go to our sport activities in your breaks. Then you wont run into ham1. Shitlordboss detected! (important for later) Since then we've been shitlording ham1. She's trying to lose weight according to her (lies) so you'll never see her eat something at work.  My kryptonite are M&M's. I love them. I eat them once a month or so, IIFYM. I now make a point of it to go eat them at her desk. While joking with Joe. And laughing.  She told me I would never be able to eat like that if I'm her age. Doesn't matter how old I am, I'd just adjust my tdee.  I've got some other stories, like how she reported me for doing cocaine at work, but I want to wait before I type that one out to see if you guys like this kind of content.