Subtle Shitlording in the Snow Had a couple run-ins with fats today, thought I'd share. This is a long one, so get comfy. I was back in my hometown today visitng my family. My sister just found out today that she passed her final exam (nursing) with flying colours, so my mom told me to go to the liquor store and get my sister some booze to celebrate when she gets home from work. Sure, it's just down the street and I have to go there anyways to get a few last-minute bottles of wine for gifting. Then I remember there's another store in the same plaza that I'd like to stop at, called the Bulk Barn. For my non-Canadian shit-friends, Bulk Barn it's a specialty food store where everything comes in bulk - pet food, pie filling, baking ingredients, spices, cereals & grains, candy - everything. I like it because they tend to have less-common ingredients, and you can buy as little or as much as you need for any given recipe. It's also a favourite among fats because it literally has aisles and aisles of bulk candy and chips - I think this is why my husband calls it the "Dirty Bulk Barn". Anyway, I wanted to buy some coloured sugar so that I can use it for rimming glasses for mixed drinks that I might make over the holidays. So I parked in the middle of the lot between the Bulk Barn and the liquor store, and headed to the Bulk Barn first (I figured I'd rather have $5 worth of sugar stolen from my car than $80 in alcohol.) I headed up and down the baking aisles looking for the sugar. Eventually I found the sugar, got what I needed, only to find myself trapped in the aisle by an obeast in a tacky pink coat. Stupid pig was blocking the entire aisle with its shopping cart, totally oblivious to its surroundings. Rather than have to interact with the pig, I chose to go in the opposite direction (away from the cash register) and walk down another aisle so I could pay and leave. I did stop along the way to get myself some chocolate-covered coffee beans because holy shit I love those things. When I get to the cash, the pink pig is standing in front of of me cashing out. I see it has two large tubs, each about 1L in capacity, containing a thick white substance. It also had a few chocolate bars and some bulk candy. I was really curious to know what that white substance was, so when it was my turn, I asked the hambeast cashier, "was that lard in those containers?" She laughed uncomfortably, and told me they don't sell lard, it was buttercream frosting. "Oh, OK, I was just wondering because I needed some lard for a recipe and have no idea where to get some," I lied. I paid for my purchase and left. I wouldn't be surprised though if that hog demolished both those containers of icing tonight. It was really fucking cold today. I hate winter. I'm not built for this shit because as a shitlady, I have very little protective fat or hair. So after I leave the Bulk Barn, I started walking towards the liquor store and decided to stop and put my Bulk Barn purchase in my trunk because I'm passing the car anyways, I may as well. As I'm standing there opening the trunk I see a van slow down and stop right behind me. I turn around and see it's a ham, wanting to get my spot because even though I'm not super close to the liquor store, it would be the closest spot once I vacated it. "Fuck this," I thought to myself, and instead of snapping the trunk shut and going to get some booze, I decided to rummage around in my trunk a bit. At that point, I didn't even give a fuck about how cold it was, I just wanted to piss off that ham. After a couple of minutes, the ham is still behind me. With the trunk still open, I turn around and look directly at it. The femayo is clearly irritated, tapping its hooves on the steering wheel. I turn back around, snap the trunk shut, and look at the femayo again as I walk towards the driver's side door. I stop and pull out my keys, pause a moment, then lock my car (it honks when it locks) and walked towards the liquor store. I shot the femayo a nice smile as I walked away. There's supposed to be a storm rolling in off the lake tonight. I've heard reports of anywhere from 15 to 50cm, so I figured I better stop quickly and pick up some road salt for the driveway. Fortunately there's a Canadian Tire close by. I park, walk in, and grab a 20kg bag of salt from the huge pile at the entrance. I throw it over my shoulder, and start walking towards the cash as I try to dig my debit card out of my coat pocket with my free hand. I move towards an empty cash register, only to be cut off by a deathfat pushing a cart, followed by its beta handler. The obeast clearly didn't give a fuck that it cut me off, but it's handler muttered, "sorry." I'm pissed off. I'm fucking tired, this shit is heavy, and I want to get home before this storm starts. So I snap, "oh yeah, don't worry about it... this thing only weighs about a third of what I do." The ham turns around, gives me a quick up and down, grunts "humph" and starts putting its stuff on the counter. The beta was clearly uncomfortable, as his cheeks started to turn red and he stared at the floor the rest of the time. Some idiot my husband went to high school with and his prize pig were arguing on Facebook that vaccines cause autism. My husband tried to argue for vaccines, despite me telling him not to waste his time on white-trash morons. Anyway, the argument devolved to such a degree that the name-calling began, so I convinced my husband to post this article about the link between maternal obesity and autism (courtesy of @Carsandsarcasm ). It's been over an hour and neither the moron nor his pet beluga have said anything. #micdrop