The lardtub had just finished watching Shrek. Believing that magic was real (and understanding deep down that she was an oreogre), Shreka sought out and brainwashed a man into believing she could turn him into love's true form. The poor male, (not having seen the movie) believed love's true form would be bang-alicious, becoming the next Tom Cruise/McConaughey/Tatum, was fooled into kissing the beast.  Some say that after the moon sits on the horizon of the sea, casting a golden light, two footprints of giant size can be found on the beach. One set of footprints always seems to be dragged by the other...