The Tales of Lardass: Maximum Fatlogic Living in a small town, I'm surrounded by hams almost 100% of the time. It's taught me a few things, namely that hams will go above and beyond with their fatlogic. Today I decided to hang out with a few my friends, P, S and, Lardass. Now S is a recovering ham, currently at a healthy-ish weight (let's see how long that lasts), P is the skinniest person I know but sadly not a shitlord and well, I'll let you guess what Lardass is like.  Now a few weeks ago, I mentioned to Lardass that I wouldn't mind going running with them since they brought up their dissatisfaction with their weight several times. This was music to my ears. Had my subtle shitlording worked? Fast forward to last Monday, we actually went on an hour run through our local nature reserve. It bitched and moaned through most of the run, 'oh my knees hurt', 'my ankle is swelling', 'my muscles are twitching', 'my body doesn't feel good'---I told them flat out working out isn't supposed to feel good when you're doing it, of course your body is hurting you're fucking obese. By the end of it, they surprised me and told me that they were glad I pushed them through it and were excited about working out. Success, right?  Nope.  After Monday, the excuses started piling up. 'Oh, I think that run fucked my ankle.' 'I have a blood clot in my leg so I can't run.' Whatever, I fucking tried. So, back to today. We're all at S's house, thinking of something to do, P is talking to S's planet-sized relative. I overhear the conversation, it's about everyone's weight. Now, I'm a person of social etiquette so no shitlording in someone's home lest it be mine, no matter how much of an obeast they are. S's relative is of course talking about how once puberty hit, the weight wouldn't come off, basically bullshit after bullshit. S chimes in with their own memories of being bullied for being fat and of course Lardass says how they hate being fat and how ugly they are. Everyone, predictably, starts saying how untrue that is, how much of a great person Lardass is---basically saying everything Lardass wanted to hear. I rolled my eyes and moved to the couch. Lardass comes to sit by me once the conversation ends and after a few minutes starts complaining that it's feeling sick. S comes by and Lardass says they're having a panic attack. S takes it outside so they can get some air and after about 5 minutes, they come back inside and I ask Lardass if it's okay. Verbatim this is what they told me:  "Yeah, I think I had a panic attack because I haven't eaten anything since breakfast." W H A T  T H E  F U C K. WHATTHEFUCK.  I nearly flipped my shit right then and there. How did those words even come out of it's mouth? Did it even know what a panic attack is? Obviously fucking not. I had to say something and let it drop that, just like them, I too skipped lunch for the day and did it see me whaling around about not having lunch? FUCK  NO.  God, I hate fats.