>As you begin to accelerate to nearly the speed of light, you begin to wonder what landed you in this particular situation. Perhaps you drank one too many energy drinks or ripped the tag off of a mattress. It didn't matter though, you thought, since you would have to slam into a celestial body at some point. Your life flashes before your eyes as you realize that maybe you're dead; "Was I a good person? Did I do enough in my short lifetime?" As you approach 95% lightspeed, the cosmos begin to whirl by you in a rainbow of colors, both beautiful and terrifying at the same time. Suddenly, a bright light appears in front of you. The light begins to take on color and a murky shape as you continue to blaze across the universe. The light coalesces into the outline of a voluptuous woman. As her red hair, bright red lipstick and satin bra become visible, you think to yourself, "I must be going to heaven after all, this woman is there to greet me!" You smile and wave at the woman but she doesn't manage to respond. Your joy slowly turns into suspicion as the image of the woman begins to contort. Fear overtakes you as you begin to realize what is happening. What you thought was the image of a beautiful woman was in fact a giant, celestial size fattass in XXXL^80 lingerie. As her face and rolls begin to fill out, you noticed that the beastly woman had several planets orbiting her, making her roughly the size of a solar system. Terrified, you begin to flail about, writhing and screaming for help, but none came. You begin to pray; whispering any incantation you remember from any relegion you can recall but no deity comes to your aid. You come to the conclusion that this isn't your journey to heaven, but in fact your own personal hell. You were sure that you had died while driving drunk or you had choked on a wing bone while having an eatoff with your friends. You come to peace with yourself, however, and accept what is about to happen to you. As the giant figure comes ever closer you close your eyes one last time. You feel nothing when it happens. There's heat, then light, then a flurry of adipose and diabetes and at last, silence. >You hear the sounds of birds chirping as you groggily open your eyes. The breathtaking view shocks your weary mind. Beautiful green hills rolling gently into a coast with a calm ocean and forests dotting the landscapes. A small sidewalk runs towards the ocean and a small town of gyms, surfshops and locally owned eateries. You see fit people everywhere; jogging, climbing trees, playing with equally fit dogs, painting, building and all manner of outdoor activities. "Welcome to heaven, brah." You turn around and a tear comes to your eye. It's Zyzz. "You made it." >End