Shitlording a donut dealer at work. This is not exactly an FPS, thus my posting it here, because the fatty in the story wasn't being egregious- but he was doing some of the "normal" fatty stuff and I thought you guys might enjoy hearing about my shitlording in response. The thread about Lardass Coworkers was what reminded me of this incident. I have a coworker who brings in sweets every two weeks or so. Like a box of artisan donuts with maple-filled bacon topping sort of sweets, high quality stuff. He's in sales, he knows how to make friends and influence people, and he's not like "buh huh yuh gotta eet muh beetus" or shaped like a bag of pudding, he's just being generous and building up a social connection/reputation. But he's also got a gut at 6'5" or so, so he's probably a good 60-80 pounds overweight. In our office, we're mostly shitlords. I'm rehabbing my knee so I can start marathon training, the coworker across from me has lost 80 pounds this year, the business analyst behind us is an inveterate 10K runner, one of the co-owners is a hiker, another is a cyclist- you get the drift. The donuts get eaten, but not all of them and not quickly. But when the cheerful tubby sales guy sees me eating delicious vegetables he makes cracks about it. I let him get away with it twice, mostly because he's suggesting I eat steak, not beetus. Then (and I know it'll sound like /v/thathappened), this happened when I turned down his donuts to eat delicious homemade vegetable salsa; "Haw haw! That ain't food, that's what food eats! That's for rabbits!" "Rabbits," I said with a pleasant smile, "and people without heart disease." "HAW HAW Haw haw haw h..." :| Guess who hasn't said shit to me about my eating habits since? :D Bonus round Fat fucks telling me that running hurts the knees and will give me arthritis pisses me off. There's no evidence it's true, and their weight's doing worse to them. I've started replying to "running ruins your knees!" with "maybe, but not as much as a fat kid jumping on them." And then glancing at their knees. I've managed it twice so far. Shuts 'em up reeeeal good. TL;DR pithy shitlording in response to fit-shaming is pretty much bulletproof from HR complaints and almost lethally effective in getting fats to back off.