The Fountain of Life Your body is a wonderful machine, powered by a marvelous substance. As motor oil and gasoline are the lifeblood of a motorcar, your lifeblood is your life's blood! Like a river, it careens around your system, delivering nutrients and oxygen to your cells and removing waste products. The faster and more consistent the flow of a river, the cleaner it is. Compare the frigid white water of a mountain stream with the sluggish brown streak of the Ganges, cursed by its leisurely crawl across the plains. Similarly, the bestirring of its blood benefits your body, sweeping detritus to your filtration system and refreshing your tissues with an influx of goodness. Perhaps the greatest aspect of your system is the fact that it is self-improving; with regular practice, it becomes more efficient. If like a mountain stream is the circulation of a healthy person, the circulation of a dump-fuck is at best like the irrigation of a large field. Should we encounter the mythical fatty boombalatty who eats healthy food, while we may grudgingly admit to the relative purity of the water, the fact remains that there is still far too much distance for a pump that willingly remains weak. The extremities of the field will receive far less water, and any heavy metals and other poisons in the soil will remain there. For the average beard forager, a more appropriate model would be one of those lagoons of pig shit. Consider the famous fountains of Versailles. At the time of their construction, the water supply was not powerful enough to run all of them at once, so as the king perambulated about the gardens, the servants would turn on the fountains as he approached and deactivate them as he passed. In such a situation, there are but two long-term solutions: a more powerful water supply, or a drastic decrease in the number of fountains. Similarly, our esteemed elephantine enemies might find that their brains work better when their puir pathetic hearts aren't struggling to succor so much acreage.