My ham roommate eats all the mayo Good morning shitlords. You might remember my other post about my fat roommate eating two and a half pizzas in one sitting. Well...the porker has struck again.  There is a big jar (1.5 quarts) of mayonnaise in my fridge. It was left over from one of my other roommates, who has since moved out, because I don't eat the stuff. It was almost completely full. This morning I found this in the kitchen trash. That's the empty pizza boxes from the first story along with the now licked-clean mayo jar. And I mean literally licked clean. He must have been putting his hand inside and scooping out every last bit. The jar was full less than a week ago. And I know my ham roommate ate the mayo because the trash is littered with tuna cans.  HOW IS IT POSSIBLE to eat that much mayo in one sitting without puking. I can't even wrap my head around this. Everything my ham roommate has done so far has lived up to being a stereotypical fat fatty, including being too lazy to help take the trash out (which is why we still have week-old pizza boxes sitting around). It's astounding. I will continue to document my roommate's gluttony for the amusement of FPH, like Jane Goodall observing the behavior of the newly-discovered Homo Hambulocetus. In the meantime, I'm going to go run five miles to cleanse myself of what I discovered this morning.