The new Ghostbusters gets rewritten I just wanted to share the list at the end of this review of the monstrosity, but the link is included. Source on Breitbart Although I am new to Hollywood, I think I have the skills necessary to put together a much more effective feminist Ghostbusters story. It’s time to start again, with a movie that has integrity. So here are my suggestions for a fresh, true-to-life feminist reboot of the franchise. 1) The film should open with a team of competent male Ghostbusters coordinating their fire and deploying equipment in a businesslike manner. Their prey appears to be a screaming banshee, a nightmare specter intent on dooming all around her to death. It turns out to be a terrible mistake: the screaming banshee is one of our female leads, angry at a restaurant server for using the wrong pronouns. She sues the Ghostbusters, taking over their whole operation, and then hires her friends to be the new Ghostbusters. 2)  The Ghostbusters determine the best course is an all-female team, to secure lucrative government subsidies and Title IX certification. Like the military, they have problems finding women who can pass their rigorous testing, so they are forced to relax the physical standards for potential employees. As a result, the two gals who aren’t beasts of burden are unable to carry their heavy proton packs into battle, and use cute motorized scooters to transport them. These are known as Ecto-2 and Ecto-3, and are each worth a cool million in merchandising. 3) Crossing the streams is not only allowed, it is encouraged. It is also renamed to ‘scissoring the streams’, blatant pandering to the film’s heavily lesbian core demographic. (I’m using the word “heavily” on purpose.) 4)    An early mission for the new team will be a disturbance at a health food store. An obese female ghost is tearing the place apart, upset she can’t find anything tasty to eat. Maybe she is worried she will be late to the ghostly JC Penney sale. Anyway, she is being lectured in the health food store by the ghost of Dr. Atkins who wants her to shed weight. The Ghostbusters capture Dr. Atkins while scolding him that “Ghosts can be healthy at any size.” The girls point the portly poltergeist toward the nearest pizza shop and try to give her a high five on the way out, but the ghost is so large she slimes them all. 5) Every Ghostbusters movie needs a scene where all the captured ghosts are released on an unsuspecting city. Our fiendishly clever antagonist will organize all the ghosts in containment to identify as living people. The Ghostbusters face a tsunami of bad press accusing them of bigotry towards the trans-living, resulting in them releasing the apprehended apparitions to wreak havoc once again. 6) The happy memory that turns into a monster will be of comfort to the ladies. That’s right, they have to fight a giant tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. To make matters worse, they won’t have their equipment to fight it, since they accused their male secretary (Brad Pitt in a cameo) of mansplaining when he suggested their put their proton packs on the charger. They have to take this ice cream down the old fashioned way, with big spoons, crying, romantic comedies streaming on their smartphones. 7) In the final act we meet the real enemy of the female Ghostbusters— their parents’ dead hopes and dreams. Will the phantasmagorical manifestation of pure disappointment at the lack of grandchildren be too great for our stunning and brave womyn to overcome? Will they finally show daddy, through piercings, pretension and proton packs that they don’t care what he thinks anyways? This is the sort of dramatic tension that is needed to make a successful summer tent-pole movie. Yeah, the theater was nearly empty.