You may think it was petty shitlording, but the looks on my co-poker's faces were awesome. So, we do this thing were we celebrate the yearly anniversary of your first day at work.  Mine just happened to be coming up on Friday. Anyway, Monday morning, I overheard two porkers scheming.  This was the gist of the conversation: CoPorker1: So, Tuna's anniversary is coming up. CoPorker2: We should get him a big box of chocolates. CoPorker1: Why? He'll just eat one and give the rest away. CoPorker2: Exactly!  We'll have the whole box to ourselves! CoPorker1: Oh! You are so evil! TeeHee1 Now, I know the calorie amount for the kind of box of chocolates they get.  It's like, twice the size of a standard Pot of Gold, or whatever other cheap stuff is available.  Anyway, the whole box is 40 pieces of chocolate, at ~50 calories per piece.  This gives us ~2000 calories for the entire box. You already know what I was thinking, don't you? Anyway, for those that haven't caught on yet, follow along: I got pretty pissed when I overheard this conversation, and I figured I'd get back at these sofa piggies by eating the whole.  Fucking.  Box.  Right in front of their colossal, reeing, snouts.  It would be such a slap to their faces, that the adipose would jiggle well into their old age.2 So, I did what any scheming shitlord would do.  I cut my calories by an extra 500 per day for the next four days.  It wasn't too tough, but, being on a cut anyway, I did have to eat a lot more vegetables to stay full.  I cut out snacking completely, and stuck to a couple of giant meals per day.  It was going to be worth it, I told myself. Finally, Friday arrived, and sure enough, my co-porkers call me into the lunch room.  There, as predicted, is a giant box of chocolates, with my name on it.3  The brief conversation went like this: CoPorker1: Happy anniversary! CoPorker2: We gotcha these! Me: Wow! Thanks! I've been craving chocolate all week.  How did you know? At this point, I took the box from CoPorker2, ripped it open, and proceeded to eat the chocolate, one piece at a time, never breaking eye contact, until it was completely empty.  It was fun watching their faces go through the stages of grief. Me: Boy, that really hit the spot.  You guys are great, thanks! ...and I tossed the empty box into the trash, and walked out of the lunch room, and back onto the floor. Worth it? Yeah.  I think it was worth it. 1Yes, fatty did actually tee hee out loud. 2So, about 40 years old, for these grease galaxies. 3Literally and figuratively.