Imagine being triggered by a salad So two of my fat friends are actually succeeding at their diets but no amount of calories burnt seems to have shed their fat logic and it's driving me mad. We met up for drinks in a local pub. Guess who can't wait to get food? The biggest of the two, K runs off to order a big onion ring starter (she offers to pay for food to hide her gluttonous habits) and a massive plate of deep fried potato and chicken, with a giant glass of beetus. This place does shit quality food in stupidly large quantities and likes to pretend it's cheap. The other, J orders something similar. If you like junk food, whatever, but this place can't even do junk food properly. It's bland and cooked to death. Nobody seems to care and no one thinks anything is strange when plates the size of my torso arrive filled with food.  This is where the hate begins. I come back from the bar with a black tea because it's winter and my "salad" arrives. Not only is this salad not the one I ordered (I hate making a fuss) but it's at least 80% grated cheese with 5 cherry tomatoes and some leaves. My fat friends gave me shit for not eating some of their onion rings, for not eating mayonnaise, for ordering something as "bland" as tea, I especially got shit for ordering a salad! Despite it being mainly cheese.  I've said nothing about dieting or whatever at this point. Ensue the fat logic: "Oh you got salad......" (someone feels like a pig all of a sudden) "You just have a faster metabolism than us" "What a waste of cheese!" (nevermind she left an entire chicken breast and some chips uneaten)  "I could never count calories, too boring" (oh but your slimming club "points" system is totally not similar) "Corruption you can finish my Coke if you want"  "140 pounds is totally unreasonable for me. I don't want to give up the foods I love" (I point out my 136lb self eats mainly chocolate bars) "Eh, what's a healthy BMI really? I'd be happy at 196lbs, then I'd be healthy if I get pregnant" (she's 5ft 2 inches.....) "I'm comfortable at my size" "I never fry food or use salt" (Bitch everything you ordered is deep fried and salty as fuck. I've seen you put 15 shakes of coarse sea salt on a tiny ready meal before, quit the lies) All this because I ordered a fucking salad and a cup of plain black tea! Fuck's sake. Them losing 50 pounds a piece in the last year is an achievement, but when I did it several years ago it was just my metabolism (guess who really has the higher metabolism because they're so much fatter than me). They're fine until a salad or human sized woman appears. Human sized men are hot as fuck, however. One thing I've noticed is how the less they weigh, the fucking happier they are. And guess who's been having chest pains and diarrhoea? Not me, that's for fucking sure. I wonder why. I swear sometimes I only hang out with them for the 3 times a year we get to see each other purely to complain about them.