Our Vacation Interuption (longish) It's been a couple years since I have participated here, but I couldn't resist after this.  Recently my wife and I went on an awesome adventure sailing vacation. It was intruded upon by a Ham.  We arrive to our destination and find our chartered yacht on which we will be living for the next few days. We will be taking a sailing class during the day and living on the boat at night. There were two others joining us for the class, one of which would also be living aboard. We had a private cabin. They would have a private cabin. Cool. So far so good.  We were told the other live aboard resident would be arriving on the first night. We claimed our cabin as nobody was there yet. The evening kept getting later and later. Nobody was arriving. We left everything on the boat open and unlocked thinking maybe they were traveling from far away and would arrive in the middle of the night.  Next morning we awoke still alone. Whatever. We went and made our way into the marina where we were told breakfast and such would be waiting and we would have a chance to meet our instructor and the other sailors. It was a great little joint. We met the other guy. He was cool. Fit. Friendly. Energetic. We hit it off straight away while chatting over breakfast. He was not the one living aboard with us. He had family in the area. Met our captain. Semi-cliche old man of the sea looking dude. We were missing one. Supposed to start at 9. We had all been having breakfast since 8:30. It was 5 til so the skipper and the marina started making phone calls wondering where our 4th was. We were all anxious to get out on the water.  9:15. Still nobody. Allegedly she is on her way.  9:30. Hmmmm..... 9:45ish she arrives. All 3 bills plus of her. So now we are running late for the day. She hasn't unpacked. All frazzled. Unfocused. Holding us up still.  As we walk out of the marina in a hurry I whisper to my wife with a chuckle, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"  "Yupppp." in Lana Cane voice.  We gather in the boat and the instructor does the typical breaking of the ice. We introduce ourselves (3 of us had already been chatting for an hour). She overshares about starting over after a divorce, etc. Like dude...we just met.  In the middle of this conversation she rudely interupts the instructor while he was talking. "I think I left my life jacket on my car!" Exasperated he tells her to go get it. What's the harm. We're already behind for the day.  So the day finally begins and we get out on the water and practice. The main point of the day would be to practice the various tacks/tacking. This is all info that was in the two textbooks provided well in advance. At least the basics. My wife, who had never sailed before had a basic understanding thanks to these books she diligently read prior to our arrival. Guess who didn't. Every time the instructor would tell us to go to a certain tack she would ask what he meant. Not even that she didn't know the difference between a broad reach and close hauled tack (that would be fair) but she had never even read/heard the terms before. Thus understanding how to get the crew in the correct place would be impossible. You couldn't give her an order and have her follow. Nor when she was at the helm could she give an order and have it followed. The whole pace of the class came to a grinding halt because of her. There is work to do on a sailboat. Lots of it. On a nice yacht none of it is particularly exhausting. I like doing it, so I was all over the place. So was the other guy. So was my wife. Our passenger (no longer to be considered crew) never left the cockpit. Couldn't help tie us off at the dock (didn't know knots or the basic procedure....again all of which was in the study books. Or logical thought. Either way). Couldn't retrieve things quickly from below. Couldn't throw a line to somebody.  This is one of the best (worst) parts... So the second night (her first) all is well. The wife and I had gone out for the evening and then came back to have a glass of wine and do some reading and watching The League on our iPad. Pretty chill.  We get settled into our cabin. Middle of the night and all night I keep hearing noises from the back of the boat and in the cockpit. Ok, so she can't sleep. Happens to everyone. Or she has to use the head (restroom) in the marina and keeps coming and going from the dock. Nope. Come to find out the next morning it was her trying to get to  the dock off the side of the boat. The foot and a half gap from the boat to the dock was too far for her to span. So while we were just 15 steps from the marina bathroom she was denied by her size. Did she think to grab a dock line and just pull the boat toward the dock (surprisingly easy on a small yacht)? Nope. So she used the on-board head. Which she then informed us in the morning was now broken. Thank goodness it wasn't, it just seems she was using it wrong.  One afternoon she didn't come out with us. On a 4+ ton yacht we picked up nearly a full knot from our previous top speed of the week. Now,  food and provisions. We supplied all our own food for the trip. No prob. Had some sandwiches at lunch and went out to eat in the evening. Not her. She made a point of showing that she was drinking weight loss shakes. Whatever. Like we don't also see the chips and sugary granola bars you have on the shelf. You're not fooling anyone. I made a concious effort to have as many of our meals quickly and then put them away for fear of theft and mooching. We were eating fine expensive food. I ain't made of money and she didn't need it.  On one of the days we set out to an island beach. Sweet. We were going to do a written test (toward our sailing certification) while at anchor and have lunch on the beautiful turquoise water. Idylic. Beautiful. We just get the anchor down after spending 10 minutes getting the boat in position on the beach when she loses her life jacket over the side of the boat. For a moment the captain looked around for a solution realizing she wasn't going to go in after it. I volunteered to go get it so we wouldn't have to pull the anchor and sail to it floating away. Stripped down quick and dove over the back of the boat. No biggy, I had planned to go for a swim after the test anyway. The part that got me was how helpless she was. Instead of being willing and able to go for a short swim in warm pleasant water on an 85 degree day...she looked around helplessly. The solution was so simple...yet out of her reach. I got back to the boat and she was literally taken aback, "I can't believe how fast you swam out there and back." Again. Astounded. It was literally a short little dip and back. I ain't no Michael Phelps. Calm yourself.  So the boat we were on displaced nearly 9000lbs...yet when she was on the boat, getting on or off, whatever...it would rock...badly. The bow would actually rise a measureable amount.  Her laugh and attempts at self-deprecating humor were just awkward. It only works if you have some modicum of confidence.  Anyway, that's the majority. It was painful. Wrecked and slowed a large portion of our class for which we had paid a large sum of money. Distracted our instructor. Took up a large portion of already limited space. Made people uncomfortable with oversharing. Arrived late to things.  Every night when the wife and I would sneak away to dinner and walking around town it was a relief like few I've known.