My encounter with pork today I went shopping at Trader Joe's (first big mistake) and it was going well... for the first thirty seconds. Almost immediately after I came in, I felt an earthquake that felt like at least a 7.0 on the richter scale. I thought this was really weird considering that I live in the Midwest, and I turned around to see this gigantic mayomonster huffing it's way through the store. I assume it was a he-beast, because it had a huge, unkempt beard and was half bald, but you never can totally tell with fats. It's cart was fill to the brim with junk snacks and beetus drinks. It wheezed as it waddled down the aisles. It was wearing shorts, even though it is less than thirty degrees. WHY MUST THESE THINGS EXIST!?!?!?! JUST PUT DOWN THE FORK, FATTY.