Hilarious fat logic overheard on campus So happy I just remembered this from earlier today because when it happened my first thought was literally "omg I have to tell fph." This took place after leaving a class in a building at the bottom of a hill; to get back to the main campus, there's a walkway up, then a moderately long set of concrete stairs - the kind with several short flights broken up by platforms to keep it from getting too steep. I had stuff to do so I was hustling up the stairs a bit, taking them two at a time, and I swear to you, the EXACT thought idly crossing my mind at that moment was that this would be a pretty intense workout for a fat person. Just then, my progress was temporarily slowed by a traffic jam caused by... you guessed it: two large, slow-moving objects. I recognized them from behind because they were sitting side-by-side two rows ahead of me in the previous class, and that very day I had gotten distracted from the lecture staring at the bigger one's back rolls. I was able to dart around them pretty quickly, overhearing this glorious exchange as I passed (smallfat will be Tugboat, deathfat will be Barge): Barge: huff puff Tugboat: Almost there, keep going! Barge: huff puff groan Tugboat: It's probably because you finished that whole sandwich earlier, huh? Barge: huff Yeah. It was so good though! puff God damn, you guys. "It's probably because you finished that whole sandwich." NO IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE FINISHED 10,000 CALORIES A DAY FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS OF HER LIFE. Eating one sandwich does not make it hard to climb stairs. Gluttony and sloth make it hard to climb stairs.  Anyway, I then had a great time trotting nimbly up the rest of the steps in front of them, knowing they were probably hating me for it. May have even given a little hop off the top step. Teehee.