Fats are useless - Violin edition I've been taking violin lessons for seven years now. I offer to volunteer and assist the head teacher, because some of the lesson slots are pretty convenient to volunteer in. I volunteer with beginners, kids and adults all in one class. The kids follow instructions, the adults follow instructions, everything is good. Today was the 3rd lesson of the year for the beginners. I had to actually track her down the week before and call her on the 1st lesson, because she was absent. She ended up being late as fuck because she cannot drive due to obvious medical reasons. She literally had to wait for an enabler to pick her up. The second lesson she was a no-show. Today, she showed up really early (good for her, she probably has no life). This was the lesson where we had to start fingering our strings, doing "b"s and shit instead of just "a". She of course has mistreated her violin, so that her strings and bow hairs have gone all filled with gunk and oily despite being practically new. Once we started however, holy fuck was she useless. We had five 6 year olds (two of them being paternal twins), and all of them except for the ultra-clingy danish boy preformed better than her. I was designated to work with her during the lesson, and genuinely tried to help, but she made no attempts to accomplish anything. She couldn't move her bow to the frog, since her massive 50 pound haymakers and her udders were in the way. She couldn't stay on the "g" string because she was too tired to raise her right hand high enough to get there. Her thumb/neck/boob/face was so large that I had to jam it in the crevice but the violin was at too high an angle because of her shoulder flab springing it out anyways... She would not pay attention, and would rather stare into a blank sheet of paper than follow everyone's bowstrokes. This meant that she was doing a Gregorian chant kind of rhythm while everyone else was doing whole notes on open strings, while her arms were quickly drooping down. My attempts to correct the form was like plugging the holes in the mosul dam with a kazoo and some prayers. She had the classic obeast smell. The canned peas body odur mixed with sickeningly sweet rotting milk, you know the smell. Heat rises, and with that comes the smell. And holy shit this woman was producing a lot of heat. It looked like she had the plague by the time we were done the lesson. The real kicker: Her name is Tammy. I am not making this shit up. I've met three tammys (tammi? tammies?) and all of them have been terrible butterbeasts. Fuck, I'm just so angry that this person exists and shits all over something that is supposed to be graceful.