CryingHam commits breaking and entering, tries to be the victim First, I would like to apologize in advance for not getting this on video. It happened way too fast and I'm kicking myself in the ass over it. Background: I previously mentioned CryingHam here. Kind of thought that would be the last of him, but no. So, he's been out of my friend's apartment now for almost a year. And, for the past months she has been going back to her parents house for the weekends because her grandmother is really sick, basically dying. Obviously she is stressed out because of this. Her roommate also normally spends the weekends at his girl's place so the apartment is usually empty Friday and Saturday night. This week my friend decided to go to her parents Thursday and come back on Saturday night. I agree to pick her up from the train station and drive her home. Her roommate also didn't leave the apartment this weekend. It's maybe like 1030 when I drop her off at home. I get about 2 blocks away when she calls me. I figure it is something minor like she left something in my car. Answer the phone to this "Get the fuck back to my apartment right now!" She is pissed, really fucking pissed. I have no fucking clue what I did. I pull up to the building and she storms into my car. I'm fucking scared. I am greeted with an incoherent string of curses about CryingHam. Apparently, at about 2am Roommate heard noises in the apartment. He got up to investigate and finds CryingHam in her bed. CryingHam claims that my friend lets him stay there on the weekends. Roommate is tired and confused but accepts the answer at the time and goes back to bed. He of course tells my friend what happened and obviously, no he's not allowed to come over and sleep in her bed. At this point we still have no fucking clue how he got into the apartment. He's not supposed to have keys. Now, CryingHam is a social media whore. Where ever he goes he checks in. She sees he's at some bar and demand I drive her there. I ask her whether she wants me to call my cop friends to come with, she tells me she can handle it.  We get to the bar and she is jumping out of my car before I even completely park it and storms in with me right after her. Tiny little place with a small backyard for smoking. CryingHam is there with 3 of his friends. All planets, one is female, the other two appear to be male, but it is really hard to tell. Fuck, I'm going to have to fight these planets and one is going to fall on me and crush me. I just know it. There's maybe 3 other customers in the bar and the bartender who is a 5 foot nothing girl that's probably 100 pounds. The quartet of Hams are sitting by the yard entrance. My friend storms right up to them, he's dumb, he puts his arms out for a hug. "You piece of shit!" she yells at him. CryingHam's friends jump back and all scamper into the yard like rats abandoning a sinking ship.  CryingHam: What?!? Friend: You broke into my fucking house last night! CryingHam: I didn't think you'd mind!  At this point he's starting to stutter and his lip is shaking. Friend: You didn't think I'd mind? You BROKE INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE! CryingHam: I needed to sleep! I can't sleep right without your smell! CryingHam lives up to his moniker and starts crying. The planets are peeking in from the yard entrance and the tiny bartender is clearly at a loss for what to do over this girl yelling at a now crying fatass. Friend: SO YOU BREAK INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE TO SLEEP! The other 3 people are staring now. CryingHam: I don't break in. I use my key. So to recap, CryingHam gave up his key last year to her when she told him he had to go. Between telling him to move out and the actual move out date he apparently made a copy of the keys just to sneak back into the apartment. He also says this so matter of factly through the tears like it's a normal thing. Friend: You have what?!? Give me the fucking keys right now! CryingHam: But, but where will I sleep on the weekends? Not only did he break in the night before, he apparently breaks in when he knows she's not at home. Friend: GIVE ME THE FUCKING KEYS! CryingHam pulls out a set of keys and hands them over, my friend goes storming out of the bar. Bar basically goes back to normal with the bartender walking away and the 3 chaps at the bar chatting it up again only now with a butter barge weeping buttery tears all over the place. The planets come racing in to console him while I'm still standing there taking in the sight "It's ok," "You didn't do anything wrong." Enabling fucks. I wish CryingHam a good night, he doesn't respond. Rude fuck. My friend is waiting by my car and I start driving her home. About 5 minutes later he calls her. She doesn't put him on speaker, but he is wailing so loudly I can hear that clearly. I thought this level of wailing was reserved only for mothers burying their children, but apparently having keys taken away from you so you can't break into your ex's apartment can also produce it. They're on the phone for about 5 minutes. Highlights of her screaming at him include: "I don't fucking care that I embarrassed you! You should be embarrassed!" "I have to stay up now and wait for a 24 hour locksmith, you fuck!" "Fuck you! You think I give a shit you have no job, no food and no place to live? Go fuck yourself!" "Am I fucking who? Wizardslayer? Yeah! I'm fucking Wizardslayer!" Note: I am not fucking her. But, I guess since I came with her he assumed I'm fucking her and that's why they can't be together? No clue.  That statement was followed quickly by: "Good! I don't care. Go kill yourself. Do me a fucking favor." And, her hanging up. Apparently, he was trying to blame her for his lack of a job or apartment and that she ruined his life by breaking up with him and that they need to get back together so things can be normal again. That I'm driving them apart and I'm evil. Oh, and he needs to sleep in her bed on the weekends because it's the one constant in his life and the only thing that makes him happy because the rest of the week he has to go from friend to friend houses crashing on a different couch. So, God knows how many times this fuck broke into her apartment when she was either away for the weekend or at work. And, that this time he was serious and was going to actually kill himself and it would all be her fault unless she gave him another chance. CryingHam may be dead today and nothing of value would be lost, except perhaps another funny story in the future.