Back at it again with some drunken shitlording Hey v/fatpeoplehate, My tale has a fair bit of set up but I feel its worth it, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed the enraged ham yelling at me. So as I do every so often I decided to get fucking hammered last night. It was a friends birthday so I agreed to go to a shithole night club downtown.  As soon as I walk in I see a sea of hams, with the odd respectably sized girl mixed in, fucking great.  Now me and my friends are broke fuckin uni students with as many bucks in our pockets as darts in a pack. Fortunately my friends cousin works the rigs and liked showin off, which meant bottle service and a private booth, which people flocked to. Being a good ol small town boy not trying to get a gut I was drinking expensive whiskey from the bottle, which people noticed, one of them being a ham who had come to our area with much better looking friends. Ham: "Do you really think its healthy drinking that much? don't you care about yourself?" Me: "Well fuck me, are you really gonna talk to me about my damn health? Ham: "Uhh...what is THAT supposed to mean?" Me: "It means I could pound back this fuckin bottle, smoke a pack of darts while I'm packin a dip and still be the healthy one" Ham: "EXCUSE ME? You can't talk to me like that asshole!" Me: "Oh like I give a fuck, what are you even doin here? You got a better chance gettin rode back in Berta anyways, the boys their already haul truck for a living!" By this point a few of the other conversations had stopped and the eyes were on me. I could say the Ham realized her errors and started doin cardio in the club but that'd be bullshit. In an anti-climactic ending the Ham and her friends left, disgusted, and my friends cousin probably spat in my next drink when the girl he was hittin up left.