Burlesque show story A few nights ago my boyfriend and our roommate stumbled upon a burlesque show. I say stumbled upon because we had gone to the venue for a show that was happening before the burlesque show and since we were already there we decided to stay for it. Now, given our past experiences with burlesque shows on Sundays, my roommate leans in and says "get ready for some large burlesque dancers." We have a whole shitlord house, its great. Of course, without fail, the first woman to walk on stage was short(maybe 5'1") and easily pushing 250. She was wearing a blubbertight sequin dress and her middle tire was quite obvious. She explains that she is the host and will be introducing the dancers(thank god). Lucky for us, the dancers were all slim and attractive and there were even two men in the line-up which were thin and attractive. So after about the third dancer I am thinking "we're in the clear." But no, hostess cupcake gets back on stage and explains that she is going to sing BUT not strip. Ok, that's fine. LIAR. She begins singing and strips anyway(what?) Then when she's done I guess(I stopped watching) she's standing in those pasties and her underwear and she exclaims that she needs 3 volunteers. Now, I am about 6 vodka and diets in at this point and haven't really eaten much, I'm a lightweight at maybe 120lbs and I am hammered. My hand, almost as if it has a mind of its own, shoots up into the air. I am called on stage. Fuck, what have I done. I am now standing on stage with a mostly naked whale, a mid-sized ham and a small fat. It was quite interesting how we naturally lined up by size.  The game. She pulls out 3 bras with tassels on the nipples and hands them to the mid-sized fat to pass down to us. Somehow, I end up with a huge bra. I am a 32A. The two other fats squeeze into the bras they took and I drape mine over my flat chest and fasten it. I could have probably put two large chihuahuas in these cups. Then we are told various ways to "shake" the tassels and make them spin. I had to hold the bra against my chest but I managed. Meanwhile the minimal movement was clearly making the two participant hams tired already because they weren't even trying. Host is saying things, I'm not listening, too drunk. Then she starts pointing to each of the contestants and there were some cheers. By the time she gets to me I was over it and had pulled the bra down, without unfastening it, over my hips and let it fall to the floor(it was so big I don't think it even stretched). I realized she's pointing at me and the whole crowd starts cheering wildly. Me: ..... TA DA!(hands in the air?).  I won! I didn't even know it was a contest and I wasn't even trying to do anything, but my drunk ass won a free PBR.  The other two participant fats strugglypuff off stage while I hop off and claim my free PBR.