Fatties at the nursing home; Folds, aka "No you just found yesterday's dinner, nothing to worry about.. Yeah I'm sure." Hello FPH, shitlady nurse Alpaca again. If you have any questions or want to hear about a particular part about the job then go ahead and ask. I have tons of it. If it's fat and disgusting enough it can get posted as a FPH story. Anyway. Today we'll talk about folds.. And what you can find in them. We've already talked about fold mold/chub rub. It happens to all old people, but mostly fatties since fatties have more folds, more body and more weight. It's physics. Caregivers and nurses can only do so much, especially to people who refuse to move or are bedridden. Just to give you guys a little rundown.. Pressure wounds. People who don't move around a lot will develop pressure wounds, and they usually develop on feet, butts and backs (cause that's the places that takes the most pressure). You fix it by relieving pressure and massaging the places.  Chub rub/Eczema Eczema is common beneath armpits and beneath the boobs of old ladies. It's because of sweat and rubbing. Sometimes they get chub rub in other places. The bigger you are, the bigger the chance of getting chub rub in different places. Again, it's physics.  Fold mold. Fold mold is just what it sounds. It's disgusting. Most of the time it's not so much  mold as sweat and some type of sticky fluid from the eczema. Sometimes though, you get actual mold, cause.. They drop stuff between their folds, or because they develop a fungus infection (warmth+dark+sweat=woho fungus party). Yeah. It smells and feels awful. I've heard it feels awful as well but I have no personal experience with the feeling department and it shall remain that way until I die. Fatties are not gonna love their folds if they ever become old. Onward.. Masochistic treasure hunt. Folds are deep. They're like pockets. Sweaty, smelly, fungus-prone pockets. It's easy to lose stuff in your pockets, and it's my job to help these people find their lost items. Yeah. It's about as fun as it sounds, and the prize is usually just a disgruntled "Ugh, why are you guys taking so long!" or something equally nice.  I've found food. Lots of food. The treasure hunt for food between folds has shown me exactly why you should put your cooked food into the fridge, cause warmth and food  and time Do. Not. Mix. It turns into biological warfare and I'm considering calling the military to ask if they need it. Or a lab, cause the things I find between folds look like brand new organisms by the time I get to them. Desipite that, some of the fatties like to eat what they find, like some type of Fear Factor snack test. Age clearly removes tastebuds cause none of them puke. So, what have I found? Well, everything. Sauce. Meatballs. Fish. Crackers. More crackers. Cookies, cake, potatoes. A chocolate coin Everything. I've even found soups, tea, coffee and ice-cream between the folds. Sometimes the liquids are dried onto the skin, othertimes the liquid stays liquid, making the folds even more moist than usual. *Moiiisttt.  I've also found paper, pens, napkins, other.. tiny things they manage to somehow lose in the folds.  I'm still not sure how they manage to get these things into their folds, seeing as the folds are covered by clothes, but hams are already known to defy the laws of physics so it shouldn't come as a surprise really. It's both sad and morbidly interesting to see how someone who's new to all of it reacts. You can see their soul dying just a little bit when they have to deal with something like that for the first time. Cleaning I've touched upon the topic of the struggles with cleaning a person when folds are involved so I'll spare you that mental image.. Somewhat. I mean, you would think that cleaning poop and pee from between someone's folds was bad enough, but we also have to clean the food, and generally check the folds to make sure that they haven't festered and developed wounds. A fold without poop or pee involved smells... awful. Somedays I think I prefer the smell of poop over fold mold, cause poop is something everyone has. That's how bad fold mold smells. Ever smelled diabetic feet? There you go, somewhat. It's sickingly sweet and sticks to the roof of your mouth, just like beetus feet. But it's also rancid, like sweaty gym socks. Add moldy food to the mix and you've got a stew going. When you shower hams you have to make sure that you shower between the folds. And then you have to make sure to dry the folds properly, and in between. And not only do you have to clean that, you usually have to rub in some ointment from time to time, or put in some type of netting between them (that 1) absorbs sweat and 2) separate skin from skin). Hams complain about it. Cause it hurts, obviously, and because it's time consuming, and why are we drying it so hard? (cause we need to get it dry) And why isn't it dry enough? (cause you threw a fit when I tried to dry you off). And why are you putting ointment and netting between them? (so you don't get an infection or mold), And why is it itchy!? (cause you removed the netting and didn't allow me to rub salve between your folds..)  TLDR: FOLDS ARE BAD MKAYYY?