My mom, the accidental triggering shitlady So my mother and I went out of town for the day and ate lunch at a local mom and pop diner, complete with salad bar. My mom's almost done prepping her salad, I'm on the other side from her barely started on mine. She's standing next to a woman (I think that 300+lb sack of lard was a woman) who just poured about 1/3 a cup of ranch onto her "salad". My mom reaches for the ranch and goes to squirt some on her salad and lo and behold, knowing their usual clientele, the diner had removed the squirt topper (the plastic end cap with a little hole in it) and left the entire bottle mouth unimpeded. So a giant glob of ranch plopped out onto my moms salad. She let out an audible gasp that had everyone in the near vicinity turn towards her and she loudly exclaimed, "Oh gosh I thought it had a squirt top!" she noticed the woman's plate, with 3 times as much ranch as hers, and asked her, "Oh goodness did the same thing happen to you?! Here there's some little cups you can use to scrape off the excess!" the woman was quiet for all but two seconds, grabbed the bowl my mother offered, muttered some thanks, and waddled back to her table with her lard friend. We weren't seated close to them, but I noticed their dirty dishes on the table on the way out (they both ordered something slathered in country gravy, go figure) and the little cup my mom handed her was dry as a bone. Not that it surprises me in the slightest, but I hope she sat there her entire meal and every time that little bowl caught her eye it reminded her of what a disgusting fat sack of shit she is.