Pizza fatties gonna fat So, I work at a pizza place. I deliver pizzas, to be exact. And I make a shit ton of money doing it. But that's not the point. The point is that I'm surrounded by fats. Coworkers. Customers. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. I've been showering all my fat hate on my shitlord boyfriend as the incidents occur, but it's just not enough. So here you go. Some stories of pizza fatties. We're closing down the store for the night. I'm in the back washing dishes while the guys clean the rest of the front. There's this one fatty who keeps coming back in the back for no good reason just to talk to me. Fuck off. You know I have a boyfriend and I'm not into bestiality anyway. And EVERY TIME he comes back, he's just dripping sweat. He's sweating so badly, he's having to mop it up with a towel. A. towel. And he keeps bitching about how hot it is in the store. It's 68 degrees Fahrenheit both inside the store and outside the store. Wtf you mean it's so hot in here? So I piped up with, "I'm actually really cold," because I was and he snorted, "Well, aren't you lucky," and lumbered off. Yeah, must be my gud genetiks that let me be cold in 68 degree weather. Fat chick coworker. I remembered spying her when I was getting interviewed for the position, but I hadn't seen her since. AND THEN IT HAPPENED. The night we were scheduled to work together. What. the. fuck. This girl is both disgusting and useless. We have to wear our work shirts tucked in. You know, look all professional and shit. Nope. Her shirt is too fucking short to go over her fupa. HER COTTAGE CHEESE STOMACH WAS HANGING OUT OF HER PANTS AND SHIRT. Like ffs. People eat in here. Put that shit away. No one wants to lose their appetite. So, when a delivery driver doesn't have an order to run, we're supposed to do other things in the store. Clean things. Answer phones. Fold pizza boxes. You know, useful shit. What does fat chick do? Stand in the back, EATING PIZZA AND PLAYING ON HER PHONE. We're not even supposed to have our cell phones in the store. That's an offense that can get you fired. And then the store phone started ringing. Fat chick was standing right by it and I paused in what I was doing to simply watch her. Did she answer the phone? Nope. She kept eating her pizza and licking her fat sausage fingers. Om nom nom. I rolled my eyes and jogged to the back so that I could grab the phone since Princess Porker was apparently too busy stuffing her face to, you know, actually earn her paycheck. I then had to yell, "EXCUSE ME," until the lardass would move her bulk out of the way so that I could actually get to the phone. Which brings me to my next coworker. Always-in-the-way-fat-chick. I swear to baby Jesus, this girl just always parks herself in the middle of everything. I move quickly at work. Color me crazy, but this is an industry built around, you know, getting the pizza to the customer in a small time frame. We're supposed to be fast. So I've been lined up to take two orders. One of these orders is 15 fucking pizzas. So I'm having to make multiple trips running these suckers out to my car so that I can get on the road and get going. Cue Always-in-the-way-fat-chick. She was just there, in the middle of the fucking hallway. Me: "Excuse me." She didn't move. Me: "Excuse me!" She glanced around, all surprised like, 'Oh, hey. Maybe I'm in someone's way by standing right in the middle of fucking everything.' She began to lumber out of the way, but not quickly enough. I've lost all patience. All of my southern hospitality/good manners is out the window now, fatass. Me: "EXCUSE ME MEANS 'MOVE BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY.'" She moved, then. But my story doesn't end here. Oh, no. This was only my second run out to my car to stuff pizzas in my back seat. I had one more armful to grab. On my way out the door again, I pushed the back door open and... connected with something on the other side. Always-in-the-way-fat-chick. She had been STANDING RIGHT UP AGAINST THE BACK DOOR. THE BACK DOOR THROUGH WHICH EVERYONE COMES AND GOES. Wtf is wrong with you? She immediately began howling about how owwwww I had hurt her soooo bad. Sorry you don't know how to fucking get out of the way? Seriously. Wtf are you even doing back here anyway. You're supposed to be working in the front of the store. WHY ARE YOU AROUND IN THE BACK WHERE ALL THE DRIVERS ARE RUNNING AROUND LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE? I have a shit ton more stories, but I'll save those for another time. My hate beast is soothed for the moment.