Never watch them eat. I've been lurking for a while, but never had anything good enough to contribute. Until tonight. Tonight, some coworkers invited my fiancé and me out to a wing place for a game night. They're all human so I figured it would be a fun night. I was wrong. My fiancé and I were the last ones to show up and as we went around the table meeting significant others, it was like a perverse game of duck, duck, goose. Human, human, human, human, HAM. I never saw her stand so I have no idea how tall she was, but I'd guess she was pushing 200. I'm terrible about estimating weight though. Ham is the girlfriend of a young guy I work with. I always thought he had fairly high standards, but after tonight, I have lost all respect for him.  By the time we arrived, everyone had already ordered appetizers. Ham was eating the mac and cheese out of fried mac and cheese balls and offering the breading around the table. When it became painfully obvious that no one was going to eat the fried breading after Ham had been drooling on it, she decided to eat it herself. Ham's thin friend then ordered a meal with tater tots and specifically told Ham not to eat any of her food. The entire time thin friend was eating, Ham was shoving tater tots into her mouth as quickly as possible to try to avoid detection. This behavior might explain why her friend was so thin. Next up on Ham's menu for the night, her boyfriend ordered a plate with waffle fries. I'll give you three guesses as to where those waffle fries disappeared to. After Ham had exhausted all of her options of stealing other people's food, she decided to order herself 5 chicken wings. Now you might be thinking, "Come on, FattyWannaCracker, 5 wings is better than the rest of the shit she's been shoving in that black hole normal people call a mouth." My fiancé looked up the calorie count of those wings before we left to determine if we could eat anything. 5 without any dressing (and of course she had to smother them in ranch) is over 400 calories. The cherry on top was when she decided to complain that one of her wings was too small. I'd like to think there was a shitlord cook telling her to quit fucking eating. The coup de grace of this nightmare of a meal was a fried Oreo sundae that was intended to be shared among 8 people. A few people took a bite of it and backed away quickly when it looked like they might lose fingers to Ham's desperate attempt to keep her shugaz up. The entire ordeal was nauseating. As if this shit show of a meal wasn't enough of an embarrassment, Ham was wearing an extremely short dress tonight. In her attempt to shovel anything within reach into her mouth, she forgot to keep her legs closed. It was at this moment that my eyes met her disgusting, fat snatch that was barely covered by her underwear. I have seen some amazing things in my lifetime, none of them will ever make up for that horror I had to experience tonight. I hope you can all manage to avoid spending 3 hours at a restaurant with one of them. I got off lucky tonight. There was only one in the group. I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if there had been more. Be careful out there shitlords and ladies.