12 Days of Shitmas On the first day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: A replacement for my self-damaged knee!   On the second day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: 2 college tantrums and Trigglypuff having a REEE!   On the third day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: Disappointed fans, No crappy shirts, and Tess Monster being shady.   On the fourth day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: Stolen comedy Gun politics Bloated barbie dolls And Schumer doing grand larceny!   On the fifth day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: ~14 years off life span! ~£313,000 in fireman rescues ~$29M for welfare ~$200B in healthcare And ~$140B for the job absentees!   On the sixth day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: Anti-diet lies Don’t donate organs! Worsen climate change Falsely blaming thyroids Becoming fire hazards And a nurse with a back injury!   On the seventh day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: Self-diagnosed ED Self-diagnosed PCOS H-A-E-S! Completely healthy thyroids Fine genetics Plenty of excuses And a lack of responsibility!   On the eighth day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: Shoplifting charges Gofundme fraud Meet.me tweets for days Eating a first date! Several packs a day Abused dog bites back Two forehead fupas And the Slatons just ripe with disease!   On the ninth day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: 9 Cat-eye glasses 8 Neon hair dyes 7 Gaudy tarp prints 6 Stretched out leggings 5 Waist shapers! 4 Contoured chins 3 Crop tops Lipstick on a pig Triple-XL remains a tight squeeze!   On the tenth day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: 10 Immobile couch beasts 9 Missing toes 8 Sagging udders 7 Waffle stomps 6 Chafed thighs 5 Unwiped asses! 4 Back boobs 3 Yeast infections 2 Open bed sores And a hidden-under-fat micropeen!   On the eleventh day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: 11 Bic Mac meals 10 Sticks of butter 9 Bowls of ice cream 8 Bags of chips 7 Bags of cookies 6 Bowls of mayo soup 5 Onion Rings! 4 Chocolate cakes 3 Roast Hens 2 Twinkies And a second helping, or maybe three!   On the twelfth day of Beetus F-P-H sent to me: Parental failure Low immunity Baby’s fatty livers Lowered IQ Hurting baby’s lifespan Increase in autism Infant mortality Damaging their stem cells! Loss of motor skills Bad breastmilk Double Diabetes And child abuse-denying!