Vending machine fat torture. A new way to shitlord. So I've said before, my workplace is inexcusably fat, so much so that a deathfat pondering its vending machine choice goes by unnoticed. Since they aren't made to feel shame due to our rabid hr department, they can openly be fat without consequences.  Until me.  What I do is, when I see one making a beeline for the machine, I decide then that I'm hungry, and get  to it first. I then immediately swipe my card. After that, I just step back with a contemplative hand over my mouth and ponder my options.  The breathing gets louder... The sighing begins.  I then walk up to it, put my fingers to the keypad like I'm about to make a selection, then draw it back at the last second, step back again, and continue pondering. By now it's only been about forty seconds, and this fat is already starting to make sounds like an overworked diesel. After another thirty seconds or so, I do the fun part.  I take my hands out of my pockets, say, "meh", shrug, and hit the cancel button on the machine and walk away. The combination of me not eating, and shitlording by existence while simultaneously holding their Beetus hostage for a full minute and a half makes some of the best salty ham glares ever!   Feel free to enjoy this at your workplace.