Guys, I've seen the gunts of hell You guys, I think I've seen what shitlord hell looks like. One of my friends is very much into beefier (as in muscular) black guys. He learned about a local “bear” event somehow, and asked me to come with him as his wingman. He's not from this country, so I asked if he was really sure he knew what the word “bear” meant in gay American slang (usually, it means some fat, slovenly blob anymore). He said he knew, but thought there was a good chance he’d find someone of the muscle-y bear type there and wanted to go anyway. We almost always go out together, so I reluctantly agreed.  It was in what looked like some kind of old industrial building, I think, pretty far from where we normally go out. It very much seemed like one of those "you have to hear about it from someone" parties. When we went in, it was worse than I could ever imagine. I easily saw ten blobs with fupas down to the knee within a minute of entering. And if you’re wondering, no, not everyone’s shirt could contain their … generousness. I think I stood there for a while, totally flabbergasted that these things had stomachs the size of my entire fucking body (admittedly I’m very small for a guy, but still, holy hell), because my friend shook me a bit and said we were going to get drinks. So my friend and I are chatting up the few beefy guys there, and once again, I feel something on the back of my head. I brush it off, and we’re walking around anyway, I figure it was just someone bumping into me. It happens. ...but it keeps happening as we're talking to people. Eventually I turn around, and see something like this thing behind me, looking in my general direction (kind of up and to the left), having obviously just run his hand up the back of my hair. I give him a look that anyone smart would be able to interpret, and my friend and I move on.  Next guy we talk to, though, it happens again, slight brushing up and down the back of my head, until this time they grab kind of forcefully. Being grabbed by my hair isn't necessarily unwelcome, but it’s nice if I know the person, or at least know what their voice sounds like, and they’re human shaped. My friend notices him and well, and we simultaneously tell him to knock it off and learn to use words. I saw him around me a few more times, but the touching stopped. My luck turned around a little, though, after my friend had found someone (human, don’t worry) to go off somewhere with. I found another fellow petite human who had just come expecting the scene to be kinky, but not lard-laden.  (Most of the other human-sized guys were just chasers busy hanging on to various fatties’ folds.) We hit it off really well and had quite a few mutual interests, so spent a while talking while my friend was, uh, off being busy somewhere. The most surreal part of the night, though, was when I was talking with the fellow human. A blob comes up behind us, puts his hands between both our shoulders, and said something along the lines of “I bet you boys could use a real man.” Once I actually realized that I heard the "real man" line, I covered my mouth trying not to laugh, but I guess he saw me, shook me a little by the back of the neck and said I “didn’t need to be shy.” Luckily, my new human-sized friend and I were able to convince him we weren’t interested. ... Eventually. All in all, though, I don't think the hams ruined the night - they offered entertainment if anything - but still... The body shapes and sizes I saw just should not exist, especially not in public, and definitely not clad in the skins of their fellow cows.