Account Deleted By User Godammit FPH I'm angry again. It's Friday night, got the evening off, maybe a nice night with no stress for hamplanetarium right? WRONG, OBVIOUSLY. No, having a pork free night, that would be asking too much right? So my gf and I, went to the movies and go to buy our tickets and cast my eyes over to the pic n mix stand while I'm queueing and it's like a damn feeding trough already. Straight up, hogs of all sizes have their fists in the boxes of candy and are eating it straight out their hands, because using the little scoops is burning too many calories and they must've abandoned manners right about the time they joined the Embrace The Fupa movement. So I buy us tickets and my gf gets a small popcorn and a fruit smoothie which we both never finish because I came to watch a movie not to ingest my weight in salt. But as I look around, it's not just the hams at the pic n mix who're butchering thousands of gummi bears -  They're everywhere. When did this happen? Hams running the place, ham clientele, even a deli selling ham sandwiches. It's a little place, not a mainstream one which is why we liked that one so much. And now they've claimed it as a sugary trophy. I can see why most theatres have customers about as big as their screens, after all sitting still for 2 hours watching flashing lights and bright colours while ingesting hundreds of E numbers is a hams favourite pastime. But this one used to have a bar too and you could drink while you watched movies which was awesome. Now it's been replaced by Beetus snack vendors and smells like sweat and insecurity.  Whatever. Just try and enjoy it you cynical bastard.  So we sit down and the movie starts and THERE'S A GODDAMN HAM IN FRONT OF ME FUCK. It's sat at the end of the aisle of seats on the last one just in front of me and I'm sat staring at this fat fuckers head, which is laden with hot dog rolls and is talking to himself. Straight up, he doesn't have anyone with him, he's just sat there commenting on everything going on in the movie so loudly it's even conquering the Dolby fucking Surround. He looked like he was on day release. Other people are getting visibly pissed at its moos and the constant rustle of candy wrappers. It goes on like this for a few more minutes when i just can't take it anymore and lean forward- "Can you please stop talking for fuck sake?" "Ugggh- I'll talk if I want to." "We're trying to watch and can't hear because of you." "Shut up." it snorted, shifting back around and picking up its gallon of soda. Another girl again asks him to stop and he just ignores her. I was so pissed and angry at this asshole and so is my gf and she says she wants to go and I can't hear a damn word of the movie because The Fat and Furious in front of me won't cease its relentless cacophony of commentary. People are getting up and walking out.  Maybe I can't shut it up. But I can sure as hell get revenge.   So my gf's smoothie is now basically mush at the bottom and I take it as I stand up. It's about a 1/4 full. And as I pass by I throw the open cup into the lummox's crotch and XL popcorn. "Oops."  "UGH- WHAT THE FUCK?!" The sound was deafening but it was completely hilarious. The surprise of it made it throw its popcorn into the air like a diabetic firework. And he's screaming at us as we walk out.  I don't think I'll be going back again.  TL;DR The Silence of The Hams? I wish. More like The Hungry Games. 