My Uncle's Fat Wife I come from a long line of shitlords. My grandpa is probably the shitlordiest of them all; he's 85 years old, and healthy as an ox. Not on a single medication for anything. He still does physically demanding jobs, like maintaining his own vegetable garden. And best of all, he's not afraid to call out fatties when he sees them. So it's only natural that he would have passed on these values to his children (my uncles) and they in turn passed them on to me & my cousins. Everyone on that side of my family works out regularly, takes care of their bodies, and looks amazing. Everyone except my uncle's fat wife. I have no idea what he sees in her - she's ugly, overweight, and has zero class. My other aunt, who is a total shitlady, calls her Fiona because she looks like an ogre and has the "I'm a princess!" entitlement to match. So anyways, I was at my parents' place last night and Fiona called my mom to ask her about something. Mom mentioned I was down for a visit, and Fiona asked to talk to me. She was polite at first, asking general questions about the pregnancy ("how are you feeling? is the baby kicking a lot?") and then things got interesting. She asks me, with obvious excitement in her voice, "So have you gotten fat yet???" I was taken aback, not expecting that sort of question, and especially not expecting her to be so excited about the possibility. "Uh, no," I replied, "I've only gained about 19 pounds so far." (I'm 7.5 months along). She goes silent for a moment, then says bitterly: "oh. Well I haven't seen you since your sister's wedding. Your mom says you don't even look pregnant from the back." I replied, " yeah, that's what everyone keeps telling me, so it must be true." Fiona is clearly uncomfortable now, I can hear it in her voice. "I hate women like you," she says. I go in for the kill: "yeah, well, it's all about eating healthy during pregnancy. There's no excuse to gain more than 30 pounds." Fiona is quiet for a moment, then makes some lame excuse about how it's getting late and she needs to get going. No doubt she got off the phone and cried into a tub of Ben & Jerry's.