Those of us who take advantage of waking up 34 minutes before the alarm, by going for a neighborhood 5k... we aren't real. Real people have to focus on life's demands, like watching re-runs of The Office on Netflix while playing on Instagram, and drinking chip crumbs out of the bottom of a Doritos bag. Real people don't have time to dust or straighten pillows; that's just shit us fake people do. Real people look like they have porridge under their skin; we fakes have visible veins, because we're vain.