Feeders don't love their partners the way healthy, normal people do.  They choose them and fatten them up because they like the idea that they can't get away.  It is motivated by the same desire to control that physical violence is in a relationship, but feeders pretend to be kind while they are every bit as dangerous.  This is proved by the fact that when the feedee in these relationships tries to lose weight and gain independence, their partner either does become violent or leaves altogether to find a new victim to stuff in to immobility. It doesn't take any culpability away from the obese person for letting it happen, but it highlights what a sad existence being fat really is that you would accept being with someone who gets off on seeing you suffer.  Feederism isn't a fetish, it is a form of abuse.