Grocery Store Mayobeast Makes Demands Hey shitpeople, I went to the grocery store today and boy do I have a story to share. I was working my way through my grocery list and when I was headed toward the dairy section, I saw an immense shebeast (5'5" ~425 lbs) and its cart blocking the spot on the shelf that I needed to get to. As I was walking closer, it spotted me and moved to block more of the shelf. I stand there and stare with a "What the fuck?" expression for a bit, expecting it to show a bit of shame and move its fat ass out of the way. (I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, I know.) "You're blocking the—" "Oh! Am I in the way?" It feigns surprise and moves over. Cue massive eye roll on my part. I go to pick up a pack of butter, but it turns out fatty had an ulterior motive. "Looks like you have long arms. After you've got what you need you can get me some things from up there." I am...stunned. Fatty thinks it's going to be giving me orders? I stood there for a second just totally gobsmacked. "It'll only take a minute." It pointed its massive hoof at the top shelf. "I need an american cheese and—" Reality finally set in. I snort-laughed. "Yeah, uh, not a chance." Walked away and finished the rest of my shopping in peace. The kicker? It was a vegan cheese substitute, so I'm sure the lardgoblin was getting it because it's the ~healthier~ choice. It probably doesn't even have caloriesteehee. When I walked by 5-ish minutes later it was still there. Waiting to lure in another person and try and get them to shovel shit into its beetuswagon, I'm sure.