Honey, 5'4 and 109 pounds is NOT fat. It's a perfectly healthy BMI, maybe even a touch underweight (going by the "100 lbs. at 5 feet tall, 5 pounds for every inch thereafter" rule, which is generally how I gauge my own weight). I know we focus on being slim here, and that can make it seem like anything more than bones is fat...but that is NOT the case. You are not fat. You do not need to lose weight right now, and you certainly shouldn't be embarrassed to be a perfectly lovely weight.  I'm sure that intellectually you know this, and I know it's not as simple as, "Just accept that you're not fat and quit worrying about it," at all...but I thought perhaps hearing it from someone else might help. (And I've actually meant to say something along these lines to you for a while now.) I agree that "intuitive eating" is not necessarily the thing for you, but I also have never been in ED recovery. I know some here have, so maybe they will see this and have something better to say. All I can do is say please don't try to lose more weight, and send you a big hug.