Rant: Butter Barge on the Bus Two weeks ago I dislocated my knee and apart from hobbling around my apartment I could not put any weight on it so I didn’t get out too much. Today was the first day I could really get out and about so I decided to go into the office. When I got on the bus the only seats left were the ‘courtesy’ seats at the front. I proceeded to sit down next to a fit 70 year old woman, the rest of the courtesy seats filled up with moms with strollers and elderly people and off we went. At the next stop I see her, what used to be a woman, now a 400 pound rectangular blob waiting at the stop. She’s guzzling an extra large coffee…. probably closer to a milkshake, and inhaling one of at least two chocolate croissants. The door opens and she proceeds to stomp aboard. She looks around, sees that the bus is full, lets out a huff and a sigh and looks squarely at me. “Excuse me, I need your seat”. I politely replied “I’m sorry, I have a knee injury and I can’t stand” (especially on an unsteady, moving bus). Her “well I have fibromyalgia and I am in too much pain to stand, please move”. Me “again, I can’t stand and I was here first” I proceed to put my headphones in and start answering emails on my phone, figuring she'd move to the back of the bus and stop holding everyone up. She keeps standing over me, loudly speaking unintelligible garbage at me as I listened to music. After two more minutes of whining like a petulant child the lovely 70 year old shitlady beside me stands up, slides swiftly past me and offers to stand so the hamplanet could sit down, saying something to the effect of [size before age]. I didn’t move over to the window side as I didn’t want to be fused with it after Ms. Morning Milkshake sat down beside me, so I pulled myself up and let her sit in the window seat, as she spills her saddle suitcases (note: not saddle bags) into my seat. I decided that I would make her ride as uncomfortable as possible by digging my elbow into the excess calories that are trying to spill into my seat. She keeps giving me dirty looks and I keep ignoring her until she says “can you please stop that and slide over a bit? I’m uncomfortable”. My reply, looking dead into her face “I’m half in the aisle already and your gluttony is what is making you uncomfortable, not me”. She then gets off two stops later and I will never be taking the bus at that time again. The most insane part of this story is that she got on the bus, threw a shit fit, got into an argument and then proceeded to get off the bus in a matter of like 5 minutes and about 500 meters of travel. Who can’t walk 500 metres?! She had to walk that far for her croissants and coffee… but I guess there’s no diabetes at her work to incentivize her and she already got her exercise for the day.