Piglet's Big Day Out Inspired by /u/BannedFromVoat_wtf 's post, original comment slightly more bettered here Be me Living on subterrain floor of parents' home while developing my used tampon jewelry line Dat fresh hair doe Don't be selfish parents Turn basement into passive aggressive fat shaming "home gym" Kick out daughter because she refuses to conform to perverted social ideals Be me Go to mall 'For Hired' Adulting.gif Manager is a fat shamer Deliberately doesn't make real sizes but demands employees to wear store clothing All these tiny little bitches look like Santa's Elves Run outside and cry "Mooooove, fatty!" Shouts a young man confused about his sexual preferences due to aesthetinormative social constructs Bravely cry all the way back to my Kia parked in handicap spot Parking ticket on windshield Policemen = patriarchy in uniform My conditions are real and I want help, if only the patriarchy hadn't made it too hard to visit a modern doctor who keeps up with modern research while I run a start up company Howl in frustration Comfortably wedge self into car Find my inner calm Run red lights Arrive at Waffle House MyHero.jpg 'Help Wanted' I AM A STRONG CAPABLE SEXY WOMAN! Uniform is super tight and cute. This milkshake brings all the boys the yard First day on the job! They buy giant sizes of everything! So neat! Wait, who doesn't put mayo on everything? It's European! FuckingPlebs.jpg The jar was definitely less full than this pizza faced small dicked sixteen year old is claiming Shouting in front of everyone NotTodaySatan.gif Storm out in gelatinous mass of glorious indignation Collapse on street corner "Ayo bitch, get the fuck offa the street," said some pioneering young minority on his way to his respectable job Sit up and observe this world, my oyster Fuck I'm hungry See prostitutes further along road Feel pity until I check my privilege Whoring it up is a woman's right and prerogative My body, my choice! A truck slows down by the curb Lean seductively against car door window, hand sexily akimbo on hip The truck doesn't stop, wtf? Must not have seen me Truck stops for other hooker RageQuit.gif Take long walk to Del Taco next door Guy parked in car smoking cigarette I JOKINGLY ask him if he wants to buy me a taco and see my taco Car spontaneously reverses Violently speeds out onto road, colliding with truck Truck driver jumps out, screaming Blood all over his crotch Hooker is now outside truck, crying, blood on face Karma Triumphantly depart from the scene Sleep for two days behind Del Taco dumpster Homeless guy leaves behind hand-crafted, authentic signage Strenuously find my way to road median at major intersection So hard to be an oppressed class with a disability but I am strong thanks to my pizzasisters4lyfe Hold artisanal sign toward oncoming traffic Everyone is so charitable, I had no idea! They give all their money away to the first person who asks and never have any by the time they drive to work through my art space Safe space invaded by white male cis scum poser wanna be artist Cry behind Del Taco Die behind Del Taco Bloated corpse makes the news BitchImFamous.jpg