The XL 4x4 There's an infamous coffee chain here in Canada called Tim Horton's. Think a cafe-style menu at fast food quality/price, served up with a nauseating dose of "We're Canadian and so are you so you should totes spend your money here kthnxbye." I can't claim to know the secret of their success, but there's pretty much a Tim's on every corner round these parts. I'm sure every Canadian teenager and their brother have worked at a Timmies at one point, and I'm included in that figure. I worked at one near my parent's house for about two months one summer in highschool, and two months was all I needed before I'd had enough of the Tim's life and moved on to bigger and better things. But during my temporary tenure as team member at Tim's, I saw my share of shameless shenanigans. Today I'm here to tell y'all about the Extra Large 4x4. Now, when you order a coffee at Tim's, there's a slang associated with different orders. A "regular" is a coffee with cream and sugar. A "double double" is a coffee with two creams and two sugars. A "triple triple," three creams and three sugars. You get the idea. We'd get an awful lot of bulging blubbery behemoths ordering an Extra Large 4x4. Biggest coffee available (24 oz) [1], four creams and four sugars. I guess the logic behind this is more coffee to dilute the creams and sugars, right? But here's what the fatties don't understand. When you order a small (10 oz) coffee with one cream, we dispense the amount of cream needed to get that small coffee to the right "one cream" colour. And as you go up in size, so does the amount of cream dispensed and added to the beverage to reach that "one cream" amount. This means that while "one cream" in a small coffee is ~21 mL, "one cream" in an extra large coffee is ~50mL. Likewise, "one sugar" in a small coffee is ~7g, and "one sugar" in an extra large is ~15g[2]. That means to an XL 4x4, we add: Let that sink in for a second... This huge 24 oz coffee cup ends up filled to 30% with cream alone. That's 678mL of "coffee" containing 636 calories and 72 grams of sugar[3]. AT FUCKING 8 AM IN THE MORNING. And the obeasts would grab their coffee, take a sip, and smile, totally fucking clueless about what it is that they're consuming. HOW CAN YOU EVEN DRINK THAT. HOW. YOU DISGUST ME. Notes: