Meet another of my coworkers, Pinocchio Paul the fat pathological lair. People seemed to enjoy my last post about Narcy the Narcoleptic so I decided to introduce everyone to someone else from my workplace that is beginning to resemble an all elephant circus. Now Pinocchio Paul is the fattest man I have ever seen other than my own grandfather, at one point he told me that he was tipping the scale at over 400 pounds. On top of being death fat he also lies constantly and I thought I'd list some of my favorites for you to enjoy. There are of course the fat logic lies about him being "mostly muscle" and able to bench more than he weighs, but there are so many more colorful ones I wanted to share. He once claimed that his uncle owned a pet Bear and that as a child he would frequently wrestle the animal and win of course. He claimed that he was a member of the band Cold Play but dropped out just before they hit it big. He once claimed that he was homeless to cover for his terrible hygiene. It was not his lax relationship with the truth that prompted my post however. Yesterday as I was wrapping up my shift and Pinocchio was starting his he explained that to prepare for his upcoming wedding (he claimed that it is to a real woman rather than his right hand but given his track record I'm having trouble trusting that) that he is starting a diet. Eager to encourage him to lose any weight at all I asked what he was doing for his diet to which he proudly responded "I'm only drinking low carb Monster and switching to regular donuts instead of cream filled". I learned a valuable lesson that day, never trust a ham because even when they're telling the truth they'll still let you down.