"Fat Ollie" My mom told me an old story about one of her classmates back from middle school today. Thought it would fit here, so brace yourselves: There was a guy called Oliver in my mom's class, about fifteen years old, and - how else could it be - he was fat as fuck. Like, really fucking obese, and everyone called him "Fat Ollie". So far, so good bad.  One night, around midnight, my mom said she woke up from horrible noises on the roof, just outside her window. It sounded like burglars were trying to get into the house over the windows on the roof. She almost shit herself from fear and woke up her parents to alarm them. Her dad immediately went outside to see what was going on, and guess what he found? Of course - it was Fat Ollie, drunk, stoned and apparently horny (i know. :() as hell. Literally sitting on the roof, next to my mom's window, trying to get inside. (Not even trying to imagine what he wanted to do). Some tiles were already damaged from his fat ass climbing up there.  Her dad got a ladder from the garage and forced the fatass to come down immediately. The satisfying part: He then slapped the fuck out of that kid, and afterwards, he never dared to even speak to my mom at school anymore.  Fats gonna fat. Although my whole family is still wondering to this day how he managed to get his whale ass up the roof.