You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. It's really as simple as that.   I'm reminded of your drug counselor friend's advice regarding fats and other such addicts: "don't work on someone else's problem harder   2b51  than they're willing to work on it themselves."  Speaking of which, doesn't the wife's "I haven't been diagnosed with any problems yet" logic sound an awful lot like alcoholics and drug addicts?  "I don't need to quit smoking, my doctor hasn't diagnosed me with lung cancer."