I take a few days off and everything goes to hell. My shitfamily and I took a 5-day trip last weekend. Seattle was nice, and relatively fat-free compared to other places (and if you don't count the tourists).    Then I returned to work. We already have one formerly male hamplanet clogging up the narrow corridors of my lab. I've written of this "athlete" before.      Two hours into my first day back I turn around and see a thing, maybe female, who is wider than Hamplanet Superathlete. Since I do not recognize the rights of fats to look shitpersons in the eye, nor to address them directly; I do not yet know it's name. I just know it was hired as a "lab assistant." It has already started hindering me. Later that day, I'm eating chicken and vegetables in the lunchroom. In this room are pastries on the table again. This seems to happen once a week. The door opens, and one of my colleagues leads in ANOTHER former female. This one is perhaps only 270lbs. It sees the pastry and instantly I can tell that the tractor beam has engaged. "Ooooh! Tarts!" It squeals. Fuck me and this workplace. Before you ask, yes, I am looking for work in a place with standards. Edit: The new lab assistant just left the lunchroom as I entered. It smells like sour milk.