Account Deleted By User ...or did it find me?  Seriously though: I went to the bar for a cancer benefit last night and the place was packed. I was sitting there listening to the guest of honor's cousin play loud, shitty club music and watching the few (half my age) cuties interspersed with the sea of death fats when I felt the call of Lord Nicotine. Finally, I thought, an excuse for respite from the fatness. Oh how wrong I was, FPH. The only spot on the patio was the far corner and I made a beeline for it... only to find I needed a light. I cautiously approached the nearest pod and asked politely and was immediately caught in the gravitational pull of three death fats. What was worse: they seemed to have whale telepathy; within seconds three more planetary femayos showed up to join the constellation, all of them flirting and asking me about myself. It was as if I had entered the Twilard Zone. I did have my out though: the Shitlord Card. I unzipped my jacket to show off my new shirt, and one of the pod complimented me on the fit. I went on to tell of my diet and one by one the shewhales scattered. It was delightful watching their hopeful smiles wither as I discussed CICO -- like pouring salt on a bunch of slugs.  Maybe it wasn't such a bad night after all. I happily left alone, head held high. "Fap beats fat any day," I muttered to myself with a chuckle.