Repressed memories of hamily. Hello my shitfamily. I hope you all are well and enjoying the weekend.  I just want to start this by stating I barely remember my childhood. I went though a lot of physical, emotional, and mental abuse growing up so my brain just shuts off when I try to think of the past. I see a therapist twice a week and I'm not ashamed to say this. I have mental problems that won't go away by themselves and I think it's important to become more self aware and to try to fix these instead of sweeping them under the rug.  One of my sessions each week is to pull out memories that may have caused some of my illnesses or pushed them further along. This week, I had memories of being force fed flood back to me.  I have a split family. My parents were teens when they had me and hated each other's hammy ways so they split after having me. My dad got married to another obeast and had piglets with it and my mom stayed single up until I was twelve. My mom had joint custody with my dad and I would visit his side of the hamily every weekend. Both sides were abusive to me in different ways. My mom loved playing mind games with me. She would pinch my skin and say I was getting as fat as her and would constantly threaten to kill herself if I didn't agree with her views. She did some physical abuse, but not as bad as my stepmom. My stepmom is a whole other ballgame. Today's memories deal more with my stepmom. My dad worked a lot and I rarely saw him when I visited so I was usually just with my fat stepmom and their kids. She would make giant meals and force big plates on me because I was so skinny (I was always thin growing up because I feared becoming fat). She would hit me over and over again at the dinner table if I stopped eating. She would wear mittens so I didn't bruise as much and would hit me all over my arms, legs, and head and scream at me to finish my plate. This happened almost every time we'd eat and so I started to pretend to nap during those times so I wouldn't be hit or forced to eat giant amounts. There were occasions where I'd throw up after eating so much. Not due to an ED, but because my stomach was so stuffed it had to come out someway. My stepmom would bring out a broom or a belt and hit me with that after I'd throw up and then lock me in a closet until my dad got home. When he did, she would cry and say I was horrible to her and deserved a spanking which he happily gave me. One of my last memories was inside of a McDonalds. I loved it there because of the indoor playground. We even got to sit inside that area in hopes of playing after eating. I was told if I finished my food, I could go play with my hammy half brothers and sisters. They got me 2 giant chicken nugget sets and I couldn't finish them. My dad plead for me to eat it all so I could have fun and I broke down crying with chewed up chicken spilling out of my mouth. I couldn't do it. It made me sick to eat so much. My stepmom got so angry. She lifted me off the ground by my arm and spanked me a bunch in the crowded playroom and then dangled me up and walked up to other parents saying, "you want to see a naughty kid? This one just can't seem to listen!" She then threw me on the playground and forced me into the ball pit and screamed at me to stay there if that's what I wanted so bad. I cried in the ballpit until it was time to go and then got belted once we got home. There are more memories similar to this, but those stand out the most in my mind. Fat people do not make good parents and I have two sides of proof for that. I will always be wary of fat people because of some of the horrible things they have subjected me to growing up and I will never, ever, ever allow myself to fall so far that I become one of them.