A fat goes to the doctor D (Doctor): What seems to be the problem?   F: I'm unhappy with the consequences of my actions.   D: I see. And what would you like me to do about that? F: I was really hoping there was some way I could avoid the consequences of my actions.   D: Have you tried not doing those actions?   F: No, see, that's the problem. I have no trouble with the actions, just the consequences..  D: So you wish to keep engaging in the same actions, but without any responsibility for what you're doing?   F: Gee, that sounds perfect! Do you have anything like that? Maybe an obscenely expensive and incredibly risky surgery?   D: That's not how it works, I'm afraid.   F: I don't understand.   D: All actions have consequences.   F: Can you dumb it down a bit for me? I can't keep up with all this medical jargon.   D: So you keep doing the same thing over and over, right?   F: Right.   D: And that something directly causes something else that makes you unhappy?   F: Yes.   D: Well, if you do the first thing, the second thing will happen. If you don't, it won't.   F: I feel like I'm not explaining myself properly.   D: Ok, please try again.   F: I want to keep doing exactly what I'm doing.   D: So you want nothing to change?   F: Ah! See, I knew I wasn't explaining clearly. No, I want something to change.   D: And what is that something?    F: The consequences of my actions.   D: I think I understand. You want to do the one thing that you know is causing you measurable harm and causing you to be perpetually unhappy, but you don't want to stop doing it.  F: Yes, finally! I want to be freed of all this pesky self-control and personal responsibility while at the same time indulging in the vices that brought me here in the first place.   D: Have you tried Ambien?