Minor shitlord experience dump. I'm remembering all these little things that I have done, unintentionally shitlording and only realizing now why I was getting dirty looks from people, who I now realize had been overweight. At the time I figured I was just being awkward and people didn't approve, but now I've wised up. So I decided to share. I had to go to the emergency room a while back with pneumonia, and since it was so busy I figured I'd just have a nap. I found a bariatric chair which was wide enough for me to curl up on it like an awkward cat and had myself a little snooze. Whenever I woke up to check if it was my turn, or to roll over, or to make sure all my body parts were confined within the seat so I wouldn't trip anyone, I noticed a fat lady giving me the stinkeye. I figured she thought I was being weird and inappropriate by curling up on a chair for a nap like some kind of hospital hobo, which is a little bit true, but I realized when I went in there recently... there's only two bariatric chairs in that particular room. I had one, and the other had a family spread out  on it and on the nearby regular chairs because it was a good spot for their stroller to be out of the way. So the fat lady had to squeeze into a human chair because I was sleeping on hers. My entire body fit in a space where only her ass could have fit. I am 5'11, that is no small feat for your ass to be bigger than my entire curled-up body.  I went to the bar with pals, (we'll call them Sam and Rory) and Sam's other friend crashed to join us. She was a moon, certainly obese, a bit like this. We can call her Addy, short for Adipose. So, Rory is a notorious flirt. It's what he does. He sadly did the flirting thing with Addy, but he could do so much better. A pile of cow shit, maybe. Or a dead ebola corpse. Pretty much anything seemed more appealing than Addy. Well, at the time I hadn't really clued in to this situation because I was off getting a pitcher of beer while Sam and Addy were sitting down chatting, and Rory had left to go buy cigarettes so he was MIA for a while. When I came back to the table, all I heard was Addy asking "Is he always like that?" and Sam saying "Oh yeah, Rory has a really flirty personality. Right shitlady?" I assumed that Addy was feeling threatened or put off or possibly made fun of by Rory's flirtatious attitude, and decided to be extra drunk nice and reassure the ham that he was nothing to worry about. So I say, "Oh yeah, when I first started at [workplace where Rory frequents] he was always chatting me up, complimenting me, bringing me homemade food like slowroasted ribs, giving me tips in hash worth ~$20 at a time. He's been at it for months, but knows I'm seeing someone and has always been supportive and respectful of our relationship so I'm pretty sure it's just his personality." Well, after I say this, Addy breaks down entirely. Turns out, she was so surprised and excited that someone was flirting with her, that she couldn't believe it and had to ask Sam if Rory was really actually flirting with her. And I went and said that Rory has either been fawning over me for months, or that he gives zero actual shits about girls and just genuinely doesn't intend to have his behaviour perceived as flirting. Crushed her entirely. I don't feel bad. She was inconsolable for an hour gesturing at my body and saying that she couldn't compete with "girls like that" etc etc. The rest of the night was kind of uncomfortable because Addy was staring at my body for most of it. Like, bitch, I can't tell if you want my body or if you want to eat it. That night she sent Sam a topless photo to try to seduce him despite the fact that he is the most flamboyantly gay person I have ever met in my life. This NSFW image is not her, but the breasts are almost identical. They were really that droopy and sad-looking (Sam showed me cause he was speechless after receiving such an image). Eyebleach. This one is pretty popular and any tall shitlady has been here: Any time I am ever shopping for clothes, I see that the idiot designers have it in their heads that for every inch taller you are, you're also a few inches wider. If I want pants to be as long as my legs, they will end up being wide enough for me to spontaneously grow another few buttcheeks. So I often complain, loudly for friends a few racks over to hear, "Do the designers think that all tall people are obese? Do they not realize that tall thin people exist in the real world and not just in magazines or what!" And my pals and I will laugh at my first world lamentations and continue on finding at least a few good finds. But every single time a fat person is near enough to hear, they have almost always immediately left. I don't look around for fat people to offend or to not offend, I just say what I'm gonna say about my own body and my own clothes and they just seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time to take offence. Sorry, this kind of body is actually real and achievable and not just photoshopped ads. Welcome to reality. I had a fatty boss who always tried to offer food. Now, in my mind, "No." or "No thanks." are impolite for me to say, and I feel obligated to give a reason. For example, if my boss says "hey can you come in on Thursday" I won't say "Sorry, no." or "Sorry, I can't." Instead, I always explain myself. "Sorry, I can't come in Thursday, I have a few appointments booked during that shift." I don't know why, but I can't seem to give abrupt answers without feeling like an asshole. I have to work on that. But, this extended always to the food offers. "Hey Shitlady, you don't have any dressing for your salad, want to borrow mine?" to which I'd explain, no, because the salad has cheese or nuts or deli meat on it with has plenty of oil and the tomatoes/cucumbers/apples/etc are so sweet and juicy that it has plenty of flavour. Besides, most store-bought dressing are half fat and half sugar. "Shitlady, I made cinnamon rolls! want one?" No thanks, I had a bagel for breakfast and if I eat to much carby stuff at once I feel gross and bloated. "There's free [food item] in the breakroom, you should go grab a plate!" That's okay, I already had lunch. Every explanation, to me, sounds perfectly normal; a bit of crumbled cheese is plenty of flavour for a salad. Too much carb-heavy food makes me feel too full and lethargic and can disrupt my appetite in general. I don't like to overeat generally, and most food isn't special enough for it to be worth the effort of overstuffing myself (however holiday turkeys are fair game, cause literally once a year doesn't hurt.) But to a ham, it all comes off as food-shaming and criticism on their personal choices. You want a heap of nasty oil all over your previously healthy salad? Gross. You'd eat all those rolls AND a full breakfast? Pig. You eat when you aren't even hungry? You have awful habits. And while all those messages are true, they're not intended most of the time because I am so focused on explaining MY pov. I like trivia and random facts, I love scientific and medical advances (Science Daily = best website ever) and I love actively contributing to conversations instead of just nodding and going "oh, uh huh, yeah, wow." Well, with obesity being such a hot topic these days, a lot of what I see about is how certain things are being linked back to obesity. I recently had a conversation with a group of people talking about (read, making fun of) anti-vax people. Someone playing devil's advocate chimed in about the huge spike in Autism diagnoses in recent years, which is true. Another person explained it's probably just better understood and people before likely went undiagnosed, there isn't MORE autism, we just RECOGNIZE it more now. I chimed in about how the rise in obesity and autism has been pretty hand in hand, and while it could be coincidental, multiple studies are showing that obese pregnant mothers often have negative neurological impacts on their unborn children and children with obese mothers are considerably more likely to develop autism. Well, my crowd all happily pondered this new information, but outside the group, a big room full of people basically heard me blame autism on fat people. Which is what is happening, but I was thinking "neat facts!" and not "fat shaming time!!" I am realizing I am very naive about my shitlording, but I kind of like it. Those who know me know that this is normal for me and they never read into anything, yet, fats ALWAYS read into it. Meaning I can innocently shitlord quite regularly, trigger fats, have no idea, and go about my day happily. If anyone tries to confront me, the people I was talking to are usually the first to respond in my defence. I don't even have to try to stand up for myself because other people are so ready to back me up knowing that I wasn't intending to insult hams. I get away with it so easy now. The only drawback to this realization is that I am now saddened by the fact that I must be missing so much shitlording, because typically I don't notice I'm even doing it.