Haven't you learned, shitlord?  Doctors only exist to shame patients and compare them to normal, healthy people!  Besides, you know more about your afflictions and how to remedy them than some silly doctor. Smoking?  Simple cure is to switch to chew!  No more cough! Booze?  It's just booze!!  It can't be that bad.  Switch to higher proofs, drop the beer.  Done! Insomnia?  I hear codeine works well! Combine with the high proof alcohol and you'll sleep well! Head against brick syndrome?  This one's tricky.  You could try to mix some crystal meth and blow.  I'm sure you can quit those once your symptoms are gone.    Any issues regarding weight loss?  Just cry, bitch, and moan until your doctor caves in for surgery.  Forget waisting (tee hee) time and effort getting back to a healthy weight!  Surgery makes everything better!