You Shitlords have been rubbing off on me and it's going to get me eaten one of these days. So I went for a night out on the town this weekend with some mates and to be honest, I remember the pregame, driving to the bar district, and then I woke up in some random person's dorm room.  My brain essentially permanently misplaced about 6 hours of my life.   Anyways, my mates have told me a story of what I (allegedly) did on Friday and I thought that the great shitlords and shitladies of fph would like to hear about it. So it's the end of the night after about a 6 hour campaign of drinking all the rum and vodka that we could possibly get our hands on.  As with most nights, we decided that ending our night with a trip to the local pizza place in the bar district was the best course of action.  Being the belligerently intoxicated one, I of course offered to go inside and buy everyone their pizzas (RIP debit card).  So I'm standing inside waiting for the pizza to come out and all my mates come inside to join me and shoot the shit with me and everyone else in there.  What my friends didn't realize however was that there was a very upset female Grease Gremlin standing right behind me who was under the impression that all my friends were budging in line.  I mean, this was your textbook fatty patty that had the body of a medicine ball with beer cans for legs. "REEEEE, GET IN LINE AND WAIT YOUR TURN I WAS HERE FIRST REEEEE!" squealed the visibly upset hambeast. Slowly, I turned around, tilted my head, smiled, and said "Excuse me Miss Piggy, can you stop screaming in my ears?  I'm sure you want that pizza just as bad as the next hamplanet that walks in here, but we want a little something too before you lard covered cows clean their stockroom out." Of course, as soon as I said the magic word "hamplanet" I had 5 other fat hobbits that appeared out of fucking nowhere and started screaming how I was a misogynist, fat-phobic, and whatever else.  To make matters worse, I decided that the only way to deescalate the situation was to start oinking at them (which got other people to start oinking at them).  So before one of the lard asses got a chance to sit on me and crush the life out of my body, we grabbed our pizzas and ran off into the night.  All in all, it was a good night from what I hear.  I think I'm going to Dominoes next weekend though.