Shits and giggles For some context, I work in a small office. For the past week or so, regrettably I have begun working near the resident obeast. I was initially quite willing to do so as it involved an upgrade in my work duties. My enthusiasm faded when I realized she talks on and on about absolutely nothing, reads msn news articles about celebrities, pops open soda cans, clips her nails, chews her fingers audibly (I don't fucking know) and maybe does a half hour of actual work all day. I caught on fairly quickly that I wouldn't be getting any work done without blatantly ignoring her, and that was quite alright with me, since I have no problem looking like a "workaholic" now that I've embraced my title as office "health nut" for simply monitoring my caloric intake at all. But then today happened. The hour was quarter to five. It was almost the end of my Monday. I had accomplished everything I had set out to do and then some, and was simply perusing tomorrow's calendar to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. We were the only two left in the back office. It is very quiet and calm and I was in a perfectly pleasant mood, until the silence was broken by a series of five or six of the loudest, wettest farts I've ever heard. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a realist. I know women fart, because I am one. But because I've farted before, I know a fart when I hear it. This was significantly more disgusting. She had just spontaneously shat her pants, right fucking there at her desk while I was gazing absent mindedly at my Outlook calendar. Then I heard her say, "Oh dear, excuse me... I need to go the bathroom... You know how it is..." (UM NO I FUCKING DON'T) ."...TeeHee..." I sat there in shocked silence, refusing to acknowledge that this fucker just POOPED herself and then tried to make smalltalk. Jesus fucking Christ. I sat at my desk and stared at the monitor until she eventually heaved a labored sigh at having to stand up and waddled off to the toilet. I don't think I can do it anymore guys. Edit: yesterday was Tuesday, not Monday. Apparently I was so disgusted by this shit that I lost my date and time orientation.