Fatty wants beetus sandwich. Shitlady makes my day. Yesterday I was finishing up a patient care report in the EMS room at the hospital where I most frequently transport patients. This particular EMS room is lovely because it is always well stocked with food, and is especially known for always having Uncrustables. For those of you unfamiliar, Uncrustables are individually packaged peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crusts cut off. They are deliciously unhealthy and I usually budget one into my calories on the days that I'm working. Now I'm sitting at the table typing and this crew walks in. It is a very typical male in the field of EMS (at least where I'm from). Late 20s/early 30s and fat as a pig. His partner, a thin girl, early 20s, grabbed a banana and water and hung around, waiting for the lardboat to waddle his way to the refrigerator. The thin girl speaks. "Hey, they have Uncrustables like you were talking about." "Yeah!" "They are so full of sugar. Not good for you." "I know... I probably shouldn't eat one..." "Good for you, mister 'I don't have diabeetus YET'!" At which point we made eye contact and gave each other huge shitlording grins. The piggy started whimpering. Then, I shit you not, he stopped, looked at the sandwiches, and said "You know what? I'm going to take one just to spite you!" Fatties gonna fat. I feel bad for the poor shitlady having to be stuck with him for a whole shift. Stay strong, fellow EMS shitlady!