Rotund Roommates pt. 1 Long time lurker, first-time post!  Fall 2007. I am a poor transfer student scrambling to find housing in a small college town. I'm desperate, so I take the first decent, reasonably-priced room I find in a house close to campus. When I visit the property, the other renters are not at home, so I don't meet any of my potential roommates. Rookie mistake. I sign the contract and move in. As I'm moving in, my new roommates return. Two hams. We'll call them Tall Ham and Short Ham. I only lived with these hams for one semester, but I have more fat stories from that time than hams have excuses. I'll start by chronicling the life of Short Ham.  Short Ham was the embodiment many things I hate about fats: lazy, whiny, messy, passive-aggressive and oppressed by her own self-imposed victim mentality. Physically, she was very short and very fat, the cumulative effect being that she had roughly  the same physique as an over-inflated beach ball. Short Ham's favorite things to do were watch TV, play Wii and eat. Soon after moving in I found out that she was in her late twenties and not even in school. As it turns out, she had taken a few classes and then dropped out. Preferring instead to work part-time at a call center and laze around the house the rest of the time. She once complained to me that her ex-boyfriend's family had disapproved of them dating and convinced him to break up with her because she, in her own word, "didn't know what she wanted to do with her life right now and therefore didn't see any point in going to school or seeking more gainful, full-time employment."  I strongly suspect that Short Ham had undergone gastric bypass surgery sometime prior to us living together. She frequently made vague complaints about stomach pain, nausea and inability to eat very much in a single sitting. After weeks of hearing her whine I finally took the bait and asked what was wrong/if she was okay. She just looked at me sullenly and replied that I "wouldn't understand" but not to worry because she "wasn't contagious."  The times I saw her eat she did eat very small portions, but portions of trash food nonetheless! She ate out easily 4-5 times per week. The kitchen and living room (she usually ate in front of the TV) were perpetually littered with white take out containers stained with the leftovers of her greasy "Chinese" food. The only time she ever prepared food at home it was microwave popcorn or baked goods. Of course, she never cleaned up after herself. I once found some bread pans with something rock hard baked into them, and when I asked her what it was she replied that she had done some baking for the holidays but had forgotten to eat it or clean it out (tee-hee). So she just left it there to harden/rot in the kitchen. This conversation took place mid fall semester, so we were coming up on the one year mark of those bread pans not being cleaned out. Yuck! Fortunately, we all had private rooms, so I could avoid the hams and their disgusting habits most of the time. Once though I made the mistake of opening Short Ham's bedroom door (she always kept it tightly closed). I assume there was a bed and furniture, but it was almost impossible to make out under the mountains of clothes, food containers and trash. There was not a speck of carpet visible.  Shot Ham was undoubtedly a disgusting sloth. The worst thing for me though was her passive-aggressive victim attitude. She was the self-appointed queen of the house, and she would call house meetings where she would accuse me of eating her nasty take-out leftovers or frozen "meals". One day she taped up a sign on the TV saying that each person owed her $16 for the cable bill that month. Cable was not part of the contract I signed when I moved in, and I didn't watch TV (I grew up with parents who thought TV commercials were a waste of time. They would rather us get the DVD or use Netflix so I've never been in the habit of watching TV). Short Ham had ordered cable all on her own, under her name without consulting other roommates, but still expected everyone else to chip in so she could watch daytime TV and stuff her face while the rest of us where at school and work. I flat out refused to pay and ignored the passive aggressive notes she slipped under my bedroom door. On the day I moved out she called and left a voicemail threatening to take me to small claims court over the unpaid cable bill and informing me that it would be on my permanent record. I had a good laugh at that  and obviously didn't return the call.  TL;DR Rotund roommate is disgusting and lazy: never cleans, doesn't study or work, inhales take out, has a bedroom that should be on the show Hoarders, is passive aggressive ("threatens" me via voicemail).