Barista Chronicles So I've been hearing a lot about Starbeetus lately, so I decided to give you a perspective on the Basic Obeasts in their natural caffeinated habitats, seen from other side of the counter. I live in a fit area, for the United States. We don't have that many hams walking around, when you compare it to somewhere more rural. And yet, every day, they crawl out of their gravy-coated holes to Beetusbuckses everywhere. And let me tell you: it's all true. Fat people at Starbucks always get the most ridiculous orders. Extra caramel and extra whipped cream frappuccinos are just the tip of the meme iceberg of the fat person drink. I've literally seen it all. People coming in and getting breve (half-and-half) lattes with tons of syrup, adding multiple pumps to already-overly sweet drinks, even one time getting a pumpkin spiced latte with double the pumps (totaling to a whopping 160g of just sugar). If you want, ask me: I've seen it all. What inspired me to write about this, however, is my story I was telling another coworker. My worst drink that I have ever made. It wasn't difficult. It wasn't that the customer was a dick about it, in fact she was fairly sweet. What made this drink so terrible is how absolutely repulsive it was. Trenta (32oz) Mango Black Tea Lemonade. 27 pumps mango. Twenty. Fucking. Seven. For context, the standard is 7, and even that makes my teeth hurt from the sugar. Each pump of the syrup has 20 calories and 5g of sugar, adding to the whopping total of 540 calories and 135g of sugar. In one drink. And that's not accounting for the lemonade (which I'm sure is totally healthy, it's lemons, right? teehee) that takes up like 10z of the drink. But don't you worry, lads. She made sure to come back for seconds, as she was just that thirsty. Reference: How much 27 pumps of syrup looks like in a 32oz Trenta Cup. Volume II