Preferences are Awful (unless they prefer me!) So yesterday, my husband, who has some time off for classes, had lunch with me near my job and walked me back to the office. Our resident Wall-E Refugee saw us outside. When I went back in, she asked "Is that your husband?" "Yes." She then says "I didn't know he was that dark." My husband is pretty dark-skinned, and I am admittedly, as I call it, "white as death." Then she follows up with "Have you always liked dark men?" I don't mind answering, so I say "Yes." (I do not have much of a dating history, but yes, all my boyfriends have been dark-skinned men. I have never hid this nor apologized for it. Shen then says "Oh, so you have a fetish." And I say "No, I have a preference. A fetish is, to me, when you reduce a person down to single thing you find attractive and just use them for gratification. I actually love my husband as a full human, so it's not a fetish - but I do find him extremely attractive."  And she actually starts to try to debate me on "institutional racism" and "hypersexuality of POC" and things that escape me even now. And I'm just kind of doing the Jeopardy theme in my head until she stops. Then I mention "well, what if somebody prefers people of a certain body type....oh, like say thin, fit people?" And her whole demeanor changes and she starts waving her hands and says "That's not the same, a thin fetish is imposed on us by society - we've been brainwashed to want thinness, but if we weren't, we'd be attracted to all body types." "So if a man professed to you that he loved bigger women, you'd accuse HIM of having a fetish?" "No, because he'd be liberated from the majority mindset."  So basically, don't have any preferences as to race, appearance, height, or anything else - unless you have preferences that benefit those who have problems with preferences, because then, you're a damn hero for that.  (Postscript - when I told this tale to my husband, his response was "You can fetishize me all night long, honey. If you'd like to, you can fetishize me right now." Thank God I have him around.)