Sky Hams: The Insufferable Wait We've all dealt with airborne adipose. Most of the time, it's spilling over into our seats, but flying with hams is so much more than that. For most of these corpulent commuters, the worst thing about flying is the wait. The wait for food, that is. I was on a three-hour flight from Central America back to the good old USA, and as with most short flights, there weren’t any meals included. You probably won’t believe me, but I have this incredible ability to go without food for short periods of time. The ham sitting next to me certainly wouldn’t have believed that, because it had planned out its meals beforehand.  The minute the plane takes off, hammy reaches into her bag and pulls out a large chicken wrap, complete with ice-berg lettuce. I stop reading my book at that point and look over; that seems a little bit too healthy for a ham, I think, so what’s the catch? Not two seconds later, it pulls out a little tub of dressing. That’s more like it. Then it proceeded to eat the wrap in a way that I had never seen anyone eat a wrap before: it took out a fork, opened the wrap, got a piece of chicken, and submerged it in the ranch dressing. I know it was ranch because it stank up the entire row of seats. Then, once all the chicken (and, most importantly, the ranch) was gone, it took the remainder of the wrap, now just lettuce and a tortilla, and threw it in the trash as the stewardess passed. Who the fuck eats a wrap this way?!?! Hams. Unfortunately for the ham, this was only the first hour of the trip. It needed more shugarz. It grabbed two snacks of the stewardess, whose pause it handing them over I can only hope was subtle shitlording, and then washed it all down with some Diet Guhnetiks. Still not satisfied, it pulled out its iPad, and began looking for a place to eat once it landed (the plane had free wifi). It ended up settling on a four-course Mexican meal with tequila for $85. That amount of money would last almost a week for a regular human, but hey, welfare hams got money to blow.  Bonus: In the departure lounge, I saw two thin parents with two chubby daughters, probably around 6 years old. I personally watched one eat and entire full size can of pringles, beg her mother for more, and proceed to begin eating a from a brand new can. Wtf, I get this kind of behavior from ham parents because of the low IQ, but these thin parents were feeding their kids to an early grave. This is why child services should exist, but it’s so full of hams that apparently not overfeeding them is abuse.