Tubblerina hog tries to make my shitlord boyfriend "hers" and fails hilariously Hello shitlords/ladies! I've been lurking since the beginning of fatpeoplehate on reddit, enjoying a laugh or two a day at the expense of disgusting butterhogs, never feeling inclined to vent my own deep and boiling revulsion of this subhuman sector of our global population.. until today. If you feel like a good long tale of fat hate then go ahead and immerse yourself but I will add a TL;DR for the rest of you wonderful people. I live in the UK, AKA the adipose central of Europe, so I've seen my fair share of fats, but this horrendous mass of blubber, self proclaimed feminist and gamer girl, is a genderless, festering pile of shite who I shall call "Hog" which somehow managed to shove and wobble its way into my group of gaming buddies through a beta fat-sympathiser who I no longer associate with. My D&D friends are all slim/fit and we're fairly close, so when I was informed of a newbie joining us I was surprised, but welcoming- additions to our group in the past always ended successfully, no harm, right? Right??? Wrong. As soon as we met for our first session, I knew I'd have to make a new addition to the list of people I want to die violently. Arriving AN HOUR LATE to our session, I smelt Hog before I saw it- it had the heavy scent of unwashed grease, badly masked with wayyyy too much sickly sweet perfume. It had wrapped itself in a body fitting shiny textured mini dress which I shit you not made it look identical to a plastic wrapped sausage. It's chubby sweaty fingers were laden with heavy, tacky rings which were obviously too small and being enveloped by red, swollen fat flesh. It had caked on layer after layer of too-orange makeup and badly done eyeliner which, I guessed, was its sickening attempt at appearing female. Why on Earth it had decided to dress up for a D&D session was beyond me, but my guess was that it had something to do with the fact that our group is entirely male, apart from myself, and the buttergolem thought a group of nerds would be her biggest chance of getting some male attention. Bitch was wrong. Making light conversation before our game, Hog would constantly interrupt, giggling disgustingly at things that weren't funny, and batting its mascara caked eyelashes in an attempt to seem cute. Another thing I gladly received was a laughable death-glare thrown in my direction every now and then. Probably because my very feminine 5'2" 95lb frame made her look like a walrus and had triggered her. As it turns out, this idiot was not a gamer, nor even owned a PC, "never got round to watching those nerdy films like the lords of the rings", and counted her extensive playtime on "Cooking Mama" on DS as gaming (I'm not fucking joking, this shit writes itself). Hilariously, I noticed through the feeble attempts at flirting that Hog definitely had her eye on the tallest (what is it with fats and tall guys??), fittest guy in out group, and none other than my fat-hating, amazing boyfriend who I shall refer to as M. This, I thought to myself would be fucking hilarious. During the game, Hog's flirting with M only became more obvious, forcing her character onto that of his at any given opportunity, and intentionally turning the game's direction into that of seduction and sexual situations (gross, amirite?) which was not welcomed by any one of the group members, apart from the beta pig-fucker, when we had been looking forward to mighty adventures and dragon slaying. Our valiant adventures were punctuated by cries of sexism and fatphobia by the grease monster. It wasn't long before we decided to take a short break from our session, and I took this opportunity to make it known to Hog that M was mine, getting him to lift me up like he usually does and sitting on his lap, neither of which a ham could do. Hog, of course, HATED this- the death glares I got were absolutely priceless. In typical, entitled fat mentality, however, it took this as a fucking CHALLENGE! Hog genuinely thought she could take my boyfriend from me, she even took me aside and spewed some shit about how guys like a "girl with a bit of meat on their bones" and how I will feel sorry when she makes him "hers", I listened politely, and told her to go fuck her fat self before going back to my seat on my boyfriend's lap. Here's where shit gets fucking hilarious- she wobbles over to where we're sitting, her mouth agape and panting from the physical exertion of walking 5 meters, beads of sweat on her greasy fat face, and shitty blue hair parted right down the middle showing its thinning texture, she GRABS MY HAND and violently pulls me up, using her own body weight as leverage, which I obliged to since I was morbidly curious as to where in the fucking fuck this was going, and she slumps her entire weight down on my poor, poor boyfriend, enveloping him in her fat arms and planting a vomit-inducing, greasy, fat, sloppy kiss right on his beautiful stunned face. Now, M is usually reserved and polite, only showing any sort of hate when he plays league, or when somebody does something completely and disgustingly unreasonable. I will never forget the hilariously broken, triggered look Hog had on her face, mouth open and chins multiplied, when my boyfriend told her to "Get your fat fucking arse off of me, get the fuck out, and never ever contact any of us again." She started to sputter and fume, her fat head turning beet red "I'M A REAL WOMAN, ONLY REAL MEN CAN DEAL WITH ME YOU MISOGYNISTIC PIG!" but her REEEEEE-ing was cut short by another group member cutting in "No, you're the pig. Now get the fuck out of my house and take your stink with you." Never have I experienced such a moment of sweet sweet justice but I could relive that moment of breaking a ham over and over if I could. This experience has solidified and intensified my hate for all fats, what drives them to have such an entitled shitty attitude is unknown to me, but I wish to never have to find out. My poor boyfriend, who suffered great stress from this incident, is currently in the shower and has been for the past hour, but he will live. TL;DR: Fat hog wants to 1v1 me for my boyfriend, goes full fucktard and absorbs him into her fat, gets called a pig and drives half a mile back to her sty