On the topic of hippos becoming more aggressive... I just saw this post here about fatties becoming increasingly rude and aggressive, and it reminded me that I needed to post several recent "experiences" up-close and personal with scootypuffs and five-feet-tall zip-loc bags of mayonnaise.  Brief background: I've been losing weight and toning up (never fat, but I went from ultra-flabby at 115 lbs and 5'3" to 108 and a bit more toned). I'm still not at the "OMG that girl looks like she was just liberated from Ravensbruck" level, so I don't understand the hullaballoo.  Anyway. The grocery chain near me is Harris Teeter, which is frigging awesome because they always have free sugar cookies at the entrance. One cookie is 80 calories, so I figure I can swing that, but as I'm walking to the display a scootypuff rolls up and literally rakes its hand across the rows of cookies in the box... like, aggressively fondling the cookies. Those cookies are there for the next fifty customers... they're not gonna have any idea what they're touching. The thing then grabs an entire row of cookies in its fists (like, ten cookies), plops them on the shelf formed by its protruding gut, and rolls off. That's a minor story that had nothing to do with me, but now I'm inclined to never touch a glorious Harris Teeter sugar cookie again :(.  This next one happened last month at my university, right before Christmas break. My uni is pretty fit, but there are of course a few deathfats scattered about since this is America, after all. I went to a party at a nearby apartment with a couple friends, and since it was the last party of the semester we at least tried to go all-out. I'm short as balls compared to my friends so I was wearing wedges that were maybe five inches high, and I felt pretty cool because I hadn't yet tripped on them. The entire party had ONE FATSO, and of course, it comes up to me. First thing out of its mouth: "I don't like short girls who try too hard to look tall".  I say, "Uh, okay... I guess you shouldn't be talking to me then?" I know. Such snappy wit. It's a wonder I wasn't hired as a writer for 30 Rock. But it continues, unabashed. "I mean you're still hot, so I could overlook it. You'd just have to take off your shoes." WHAT. Who says this to a human. Who, I ask you. Who thinks this is normal conversation. "Nah, I think I'm gonna keep my shoes on, you're not really my type anyway." It gets that classic butthurt fatty look, and it's all, "Whatever, you aren't even hot. I was just trying to give you a compliment." And then it huffs away. I didn't pay it attention for at least another hour, but then it finds its way back to me like an obese child will inevitably find its way to a stuffed pantry. "Why am I not your type?" it demands.  I'm fucking buzzed as shit by this point, so I give alcohol the credit for this. "Dude, seriously? Even if I had been single for thirty years and my last egg was decaying inside me, I would never, ever consider doing anything with you. Y'know why?" I remember slurring super badly by this point. "B'cause you're a fatty." Again, my acerbic wit on full display. Such creative mastery of the English language.  The last incident was at Costco. Since I'll be back at college for the next four months, I decided to stock up on those bags of assorted fun-size chocolates; my suite has a candy bowl to lure people into our room and thus keep us from being antisocial. Also, we consider ourselves chocolate enthusiasts. So I'm checking out with nothing but four bags of chocolate, and the Affront to Humanity behind the counter says, "Aw, honey, you don't need all this chocolate. You need real food!" Bitch, I am 1/3 of your size. You literally weigh the amount of three humans. And maybe, just maybe, someone buying FOUR BAGS OF MINI CHOCOLATES isn't eating them all herself. But hams don't exactly understand "sharing".  Tragically this time I said nothing. But seriously. Fatties have no understanding of what is appropriate and what isn't.   EDIT: I suck ass at spelling. Corrected "way" to "weigh". That was embarrassing, sorry guys.