It Finally Happened https://i.imgtc.com/YbSKIAW.jpg A bit of rant, thought you guys would enjoy.  The huge butterbarge of my bus has finally decided to sit next to me, unfortunately.  I've been dreading this for months now–I thought I was safe at first, its piggy squeals too far away to reach my ears. But slowly and ever so surely, it's REE's and teehee's have grown closer and closer. Most of the days this week the oreo goblin has sat either directly in the seats in front of me or behind me with its poor friend.  It was only a matter of time.  The butter huffer usually sits near the middle of the bus, so I make a point to sit near the front. Plus, I like it so that I can exit quicker.  Today, its friend sat in front of me with another human friend. I'm minding my business when all of a sudden, I feel the harshest tap on my shoulder and look up.  "CAN IUH SIT HERE?" it asks before plopping down right next to me without even giving me the time to contemplate suicide. It then proceeds to whip out one of those mexican candies, the pelon pelo rico ones (it's a green bottle, you squeeze down on it and tamarindo comes out) and proceeds to suckle on it the entire ride. With absolutely NO SHAME. It couldn't even wait to get home before indulging in it's Beetus. I have a picture if you guys are interested. Utterly disgusted and repulsed, I text my recently-converted shitlord friends (I slowly introduced them to the idea of FPH and they loved it) and have a good few laughs as we proceed to make fun of the completely unaware sack of shit sitting next to me.  It wasn't so bad of a ride because of the laughs, but I'm still utterly perplexed. This former girl is no older than fourteen and it is twice my weight. What the fuck?  And it's constantly wearing adidas jackets and those shitty Forever 21 leggings somewhere under the FUPA, as pictured. Its thunder thighs are twice the size of mine, which you can kind of see. Is it trying to trick people into thinking it's active?  I don't understand.  Anyways, this was fun to retell. I came so close to telling it to never, ever sit next to me again once we reached our stop. Maybe next time.