Experience with ex-ham makes me wonder why do fatties try to shame normal people into to being attracted someone they are not attracted to. This question has been bothering me for a while now, ever since my experience with my normal-turned-ham ex-gf.  As a younger woman I used to frequent LGBT events partially because the only girls I was attracted to in high school were straight. It was perplexing to me back then, but now I understand that the reason is that all the lesbian girls I knew back then were mini moons and dwarf planets. At one of the events I met my ex girlfriend, who at a time was about 5'4'' and 135-140 pounds, so in the upper end of the BMI scale, but she was fortunate to have a very hour glass shape so her measurements were about 38-26-38, which is rather curvy.  We hit it off well, but I've notices that she has started to gain weight about 2 month into relationship. I tried to bring it up with her, but it was early on, so I still had butterflies and unicorns in my head instead of rational thoughts, and I allowed her to brush it off by saying that I should not worry because she "is blessed with an hourglass figure, so if she gains weight it will be all in her boobs and ass". That did not sound to bad at a time (it should have). I honestly believed her for a while thinking that people with some body types can afford to be overweight and look great (fat logic at it's finest, I know), although I personally have never gained more than couple pounds before being alarmed by a weight gain (I'm 5'2 and 100 lbs).  A year later my ex-ham was pushing 165 pounds and her magnificent curves melted like butter she loved so much, and she turned into something resembling a beach ball. I've actually seen her new measurements and the difference between waist, boobs and hips was like 4 inches. I tried reasoning with her, suggesting that we should work out together, cooking for her, but all was in vain. She was "perfect as she is", and I should "love her curves even more now". I cannot tell you how disgusted I was after a certain point because not only her skin became flabby, she also seemed to have gotten cellulite on her stomach and sides (not sure if it is possible, but it certainly looked like that).  With shift in her body shape, shift in her attitude happened. Before she was fairly shy, refused to wear booty shorts or nice lingerie, but now suddenly she went and bought a new set of "sexy" bra and panties (two parachutes and a tent), and started wearing crop tops, booty shorts, and all other sorts of revealing clothes she shied away from. I tried complimenting her when she wore something more appropriate for her body type (mumus and such), but it seemed to have only encouraged her to wear less. We went on a vacation to Brazil together, and she tried to be like local ladies and wear a thong swimsuit. Looking at her pale, cellulite covered ass shine bright on the beach attracting everyone's attention, I realized that intervention is necessary.  Once we got back, I sat her down and talked to her about the way I felt about her weight gain, how it made me less attracted to her and how I think we should address the issue. I've never seen anyone throw a fit like she did. She cried and wailed and fell tot he floor a couple of times, tried to tear her own hair out, called me names and cried some more. Honestly, I should have left then, but I was young and stupid. When she calmed down she started telling me how much I hurt her, how it was so cruel of me to express my feelings and how she thought I should love her even more for her curves. She said that weight gain "is unavoidable"and that I'm no good for longterm relationship if I cannot accept that. That hurt, and even though I was angry, I decided to not press the issue.  Ex-ham, apparently decided that the issue was not dropped and went on and told all of our mutual friends (good number of which were hams) that I shamed her and how much of a terrible girlfriend I was. Cue 2 months of shaming from ham, our friends, and her family. Oh, the things I heard about myself - that I was a shallow asshat, that I've been brainwashed by the patriarchy, that I've been cheating on her (I haven't),  that I should go into counceling in order to become attracted to her again. In order to cure me from my "obsession" with thinness she tried to prohibit me from playing soccer on my local team where most ladies are in shape and threw the biggest fit when I was watching a Victoria's Secret show.  After two months I caved under pressure and...broke up with the ham, and got rid of all the friends that tried to shame me.  So this brings me back to my question - why the hell do hams think that shaming someone into being attracted to someone else works? Do you think they actually expect that to work. Wouldn't it make more sense to try to change people's preferences through positive reinforcement - aka trying to present fat as something that should be desirable and etc. Apart from the obvious fact that fat has never been and will never be desirable, why are they not doing this?  P.S: Soon after breaking up with ham I've discovered FPH, realized there is nothing wrong with not being attracted to hams and am currently happily engaged to a beautiful shitlady who is 140lbs at 5'11.