Fatties in my writing class These fucking fats. There are quite a few of them in this particular writing class because, hello, I live in the southern U.S. Fatties errywhere. Yeehaw. But there are two in particular whose faces I'd truly love to introduce to the floor. As I was slamming said faces into it. The fattest of the fat cunts, for whatever reason, has decided to sit beside me when we're workshopping our stories and thus, sitting in a circle. And this bitch. She's ALWAYS eating (surprise surprise). But I'm not talking about snacking. I'm talking about eating a full meal. Because that's what she does. Last week, it was a platter of biscuits and gravy (what the fuck?). Today it was at least something portable - a sandwich. But she kept SMACKING her FUCKING lips while she was eating. Ugh. Ughhh. Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to listen to subpar writers read their poor attempts at creative works. I don't want to hear your gaping maw flapping all over itself while you're trying to suck down every calorific crumb of your greasy breakfast. AND THEN, as if her very existence wasn't insult enough, then she had to read her own story. Oh. My. Fucking. Baby. Jesus. She became winded after reading two sentences. I'm not even joking. She was gasping for air, like she had just run a marathon, after READING. TWO. SENTENCES. What is life. I can't even. All that other jazz. And then there's the ham from across the room. The one who is constantly guzzling the beetus juice and loudly crunching on dry cereal which she keeps stashed in a gallon size Ziploc bag. But, honestly? It's not her constant eating that fuels my hate for her, though that's surely annoying. It's not even the fact that she makes everything about her and often speaks out in the middle of class, acting as though she's the most special of special snowflakes and entitled to such a thing. Nope, it's not even that. It's her fucking FACE. She looks like the unfortunate love child of Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog. Not only is she FAT AS FUCK, but her eyes are wide-set almost to the point of her being able to do a fairly believable imitation of a chameleon and then her face is just... scrunched. It's scrunched up. I keep expecting her to start snapping up flies in the middle of class or something. Toad face. Fatty toad face. Of course, there are male hams in the class as well, but at least they seem to be aware of the fact that they're disgustingly fat and therefore, deserving of ridicule. One wrote a short story in which he was so fat he became stuck in a well and the rescue team had to grease him up with butter to get him out. Obviously that was a bit of fiction because we all know the ham would have just guzzled all the butter down in real life.