Dear science! Don't look at me like that! I had a bunch of errands in town today and decided to bike around, up and down our town's hills. Never in my life have I felt like such a piece of meat to all of the hams and sausages that served me. Sure, I may have manipulated them with my charming nature (bwa ha hah a ha), but come on! They're EVERYWHERE! The DMV, my lawyer's office, my work's HR, the motherfucking coffee shop (where are the cute baristas  I've heard so much about!?) I'm really not your friend. PS: Do you know how much one must work out when they have a deep and sincere addiction to homebrew beer? On the plus side, that makes me a lightweight.