I'm so sorry that happened to you ferret. I'm 20 weeks along with my second. I'm not sure what I want to do.  I exclusively breastfed/pumped for my son until he was around a year and a half. He refused all formula I tried to supplement with (so much wasted money). I too needed to be on medication for my mental health. I knew I suffered from postpartum depression, but I later found out I also suffered from postpartum psychosis. I was not only suicidal but homicidal towards my son. Add being severely sleep deprived for over a year(his father abandoned us when he was 4 months old) and I thought I was failing as a mother.  You are a wonderful shitmom and your future shitlad is so lucky to have you there.