Update to military fat in my bed - you were right, the pig was stealing. If you don't know what this update is about, this is my original post. I was not anticipating writing an update to this at all, but surprise surprise: ButterSlug Beth stole my boyfriend’s iPod touch. When we got back from Chili’s and were preparing for the next day, Ray (s/o) commented that he had forgotten his shitty gym iPod at home that morning, and went to put it on charge.  I’m sure you have guessed what happened next: it was nowhere to be found. He was certain he left it on the bedside table, but still went through his work bag, his car, the drawers, and eventually resorted to Find my Missing Apple Shit.  He located it in some random neighborhood. Neither of us recognized the street names, or knew how the iPod got there. I switched over to google maps to use street view, and started to recognize the landmarks – particularly a popular novelties shop with a well-known statue by the front door. This is where Beth had told me she lived in general conversation at lunch.  I was in disbelief, but furious. Ray and I got in the car, and I called Ellie on the way to her house to pick her up. (My logic? She brought the beast into my house, and she was going to help me get my shit back...) She begged me to just let it go, not make a big deal out of it, and was IN TEARS AND FURIOUS with me for “involving her.” I told her she could stay out of it, but told her to give me back my house key, which she did not respond well to. She was understandably upset, as she trusted Beth, and went along for the sake of proving me wrong.  Beth answered her door still in her fucking nasty pt clothes, and faked surprise pretty well.   Long story short, I told Beth that I knew she had taken the iPod out of my bedroom. She played completely stupid to the whole thing, until I made up an admittedly weak lie on the spot: that I knew she took it, that I had seen her take it, and that I was giving her the chance to give it back now before I involved anyone else.  I didn’t even have to use the Find My Shit map. She was already crying the most pathetic crocodile tears I have ever seen, telling me some sob story about her ex boyfriend and how he had broken her phone during their breakup, how she needed the iPod, that I was so fortunate to have so many things that she didn’t think I would even miss it. Sound logic /s. She disappeared into The Fat Cave and returned seconds later with Ray’s iPod, furiously tapping away at the screen. Ellie actually surprised me at this point by snatching the iPod out of her piggy hands. Beth sobered up from her 2-3 tears and had the balls to ask for the iPod back for a second so she could message her friend that she had to go.  I got back in the car at that point because my rage was blinding me, and I truly don’t know, or care to know, what else happened in that exchange. I’m writing this sitting in my bed (washed the sheets again, no worries) while Ray is going through his iPod deleting the multiple apps that the cunt had already put on there.  I’m sitting here wishing that I had the opportunity to take some sort of legal action. I weighed the options earlier and decided that if we did that, it was unlikely that Ray would have gotten the iPod back at all. I don’t know how smart the fat fuck is, but I know that she could have just turned it off and hidden it at the first sign of cops, and there would have really been no proof that anything had happened at all. There’s not going to be a search warrant issued over a fucking iPod. Or worse, she could have just thrown it out somewhere.  I got my house key back from Ellie, and I am pretty upset with the state of our friendship. Her behavior throughout this whole incident completely shocked me, but I know now that I realistically can’t trust her.  TL;DR: My boyfriend’s iPod got stolen by a grease guzzling military cop. Tracked stolen iPod to her front door; whale tears ensued.