So sorry to hear about your struggle.  My GF is a social worker, specifying in addictions, and we both work at a mental health hospital, so we both have a thorough understanding of behaviors being out of your control. Personally, I struggled with PTSD myself after coming back from Afghanistan and know that sometimes you are doing your best to just manage it.  I'm not always mentally healthy, but it manifested itself in different ways.  You sound like you are working towards creating a healthier system, and I wish you the best.  Thanks for sharing, there wasn't anything "cunty" about it.