I turned some indie wrestlers on to FPH this weekend (and a promoter learned about booking fats) This weekend I was working an independent wrestling promotion.  I was originally supposed to just be selling merch, but I was asked if I would sit in on commentary because one of the commentators no call/no showed.  I hemmed and hawed a bit, but after I was offered more money I figured why not?  I was there already and was going to watch the show, so I figured watching the show from a great seat and being paid to be a smartass was a good deal. I've talked on here before that I'm often approached for advice on "making it" in the professional wrestling business since I've done about all there is to do in the business, at about every level and position.  I've wrestled, I've announced, I've booked, I've sold merch...you name it, I've done it.  One of the things I tell people about booking and promoting is to avoid fats at all cost.  Their work is usually substandard, and they're a big safety and reliability liability.  This particular promoter, however, didn't ask my advice, and that's why the third match on the card involved...you guessed it, a fat.  Not just a fat, but a FAT!  He booked this guy because he came "highly recommended" by a local wrestling school.  The promoter told this school operator that he needed someone who could go for 15-20 minutes, and the operator said "sure!  This guy can go all night!" What I saw in the ring was a guy who was about 6' tall, and over 400 lbs.  And he in no way was able to go for 15-20 minutes.  He didn't even make it 10 minutes until he keeled over in the middle of his match, wheezing, huffing and turning purple.  The ref threw the dreaded "X" and EMTs were brought in.  This fat sack of shit was so blown up and so out of breath he had to be CARRIED out of the ring.  This fat sack of shit didn't even walk out.  And after all of this, his wife had the gall to ask the promoter for his money after the show. This left us with some time between matches so the promoter threw in an impromptu 15 minute intermission.  During this time, I started talking to my announce partner for the night, and using one of the laptops on the table to surf the web.  I brought up Simply Sara and started smiling and laughing at the open faced burgers Sara was making.  My partner looked over my shoulder as my laughter increased, and saw Sara pouring this greasy cheese sauce concoction over the burger and said "that mess looks like the floor of a glory hole at a rest area. Did that fat bitch harvest the cum herself, or did she jack off a horse?!"  I've found a fellow closeted fat hater! During the rest of the show, I was bringing up FPH as the matches went on and as we were announcing, we were having a contest seeing whether or not we could keep from cracking up as we read posts and called matches.  We did a pretty good job but it got HARD because seriously, you guys are seriously some funny motherfuckers. After the show, my new shitlord friend and I were having some laughs and a couple beers backstage, and he said to me, "you know who would love this?  Fucking Sammy and Drew! (names changed here.)"  So he called the boys over and everyone had a blast laughing at FPH and watching the YouTube vids that have been posted here.  We cracked some jokes at the expense of the fatty that got blown up earlier in the night, and as people started talking, it came out that the guy I replaced at the announce table last night was a fat who--get this--called off because his Beetus went out of control and he had to go to the ER!  His brother called the promoter midway into the event and told the promoter that the announcer's blood sugar was so high that the meter errored out! All in all, a good night!  I got to make extra money, found some kindred spirits, and Lord Beetus tried to claim one of his own.