Aggressively triggered rude houseguest Please pardon my story telling abilities, I'm still a little drunk. Okay, so I just moved into my new apartment with a good friend of mine I will call "Elle". Elle is very sweet, a great roommate, and although she is thin, she is not a shitlady. I moved in a few days after Elle, so most of her stuff is already set up and she tells me she has a friend visiting in town for another friend's birthday party and that this girl would be coming over to the apartment. I've met tons of Elle's friends and they've always been really nice. Then this bitch shows up. We will call her Hammie. She's extremely overweight and talks in a really long exaggerated valley girl style. From the minute she walked in I hated her guts. She took one look at me and just gave me that bitch glare. Didn't introduce herself, didn't say hi. Nothing. Just walked into MY apartment and sat her fat ass down on MY couch and gave me the stink eye. She did peer into my room though and made some comment about how she was surprised Elle would live with me since I appear to be super messy. I come out of my room and called her out and said that I had just moved in that morning and hadn't unpacked any of my boxes so of course it was going to be messy. Also, she insulted our apartment and our jobs and when I asked where she works, she told me she was unemployed. Even if she wasn't fat, I would have hated Hammie. She was a complete bitch. One of those heavily opinionated but poorly educated people. She sat on the couch and trash talked pretty much every human in her life, especially her boyfriend, her family, and friends. All of her stories were drunk stories. She just kept changing the subject back to her being shitfaced and how when she's drunk she gets mad because she wants to sleep with everyone but she has a boyfriend and can't. She talked about how cute she is and how she practically has to fight off the guys because they like her so much. I was just sitting there rolling my eyes. She also talked about how a mutual friend of Elle and I's is totally into her. She met him at Elle's birthday party that I missed. I talked to him the next day and he said it was a fun party minus Elle's fat friend who followed him around and droned on about herself and kept calling him by the wrong name. He's black and Asian but she thought he was Mexican so kept calling him "Enrique" instead of his real name.  Ugh this fat bitch was so horrible I don't think I can even type it all out because I'm getting enraged just thinking about her. For example, our apartment has a huge window in the living room which we open up and can go out onto our roof and sit. I went out there and remarked that I could see this huge banking building from our city's skyline. This set her off on a rant about capitalism and how she's a left wing authoritarian who hates democracy and that it's a shame and devalues our apartment because we can see the capitalism from our roof -_-. She also admitted she never reads or watches the news, but knows a lot about Plato so she's super well informed! Here's a direct quote from her: "I only drink soda because water tastes weird." "I told this asshole teacher that I didn't want to know what my macros should be." (about a diet and nutrition class) Also she started talking shit about education majors and stuff and then turned around and asked my major, and said "You can talk shit about anything except -her specific major-, or I will fuck your ass up." What the fuck?? I just met this bitch?  I looked her dead in the eye and said "Don't worry, I wouldn't say anything about it. I don't judge people based on their majors like you do." Then it comes time to get ready for the party. I was going to a different party than they were and it was supposed to be a complete rager. Hammie saw me applying my foundation with my fingers because I haven't unpacked all my makeup supplies then went on a rant about how I must be incompetent if I wasn't using a foundation brush. Another quote from her: "I don't have any skills except I can make mixed drinks and do eye makeup."  While they were doing makeup, I tried on like six different crop tops and kept going in Elle's room to ask how they looked. I already knew which one I wanted to wear but pissing off Hammy was too hilarious. Oh, she also told me I was dressed too slutty for a party? The Hammy eagerly asked Elle if she could do Elle's makeup and she agreed. The girl layered on so much that Elle looked like a clown. It was horribly blended and streaky and caked on. After Elle and Hammy left for their party, Elle texted me asking if I could swing by it on my way to the one I was going to and give her a makeup remover wipe. I did, and when she was outside, Elle told me that Hammy was being a bitch to everyone and that she wanted to ditch her and come with me to my party but couldn't because all of Hammy's stuff was at our apartment. I told her she was welcome to come but that my friends wouldn't like Hammy so she couldn't come. Elle understood and went back inside and I drove over to pregame with some friends. The party I was at was absolutely crazy and I got a little too shitfaced. Elle texted me saying their party was lame and wanted to come to ours. I drunkenly sent her the address, she shows up. I gave her a big hug and introduced her to everyone (I only knew like 8 people at the party but the house was completely packed), and ignored Hammy who was walking along behind her. I was mingling and dancing with all these people and playing beer pong and having a good time, but Hammy sat on the couch, extremely uncomfortable and told Elle that she wanted to leave so they did. I passed out at my friend's place, woke up at 9 am, and drove back to my apartment, super hungover. All I wanted to do was sleep, but I couldn't do that because I knew hammy spent the night.  So what did I do? I put on my skimpiest bikini, made myself a glass of ice tea, and just as she was coming out of Elle's room, I made a big show of going out on to the roof and doing some yoga. She made some comment to me saying I probably shouldn't be doing that because it might not be structurally sound. (It is, it's a flat roof and we have a railing around it. It doubles as a balcony.) I locked eyes with her and said "Well, maybe it wouldn't be okay for someone like you to be out here. Don't want the roof to cave in." The glare she gave me will be held dearly in my heart for years and years to come. Best part? She tried reeing about me being rude to Elle and Elle told her to shut up because Hammy had been acting like a cunt the day before. TL;DR: Fat ass friend of roommate was a vapid rude bitch, so I waltzed around in my bikini at 9 am to piss her off.