I actually did some shitlording today, you guys. I don't normally get the opportunity to shitlord in real life, but I got my chance today. I headed into my finance class earlier today and took my usual spot on the back row. This class takes place in a large auditorium-style lecture room with about 100 seats. I grabbed the chair on the back row against the wall, which just so happens to have an unattached chair (most of the seats have an arm attaching them to the long tables instead of legs). I like this seat because I'm 5'8" with long legs and a short torso. It gives me plenty of room to push back and stretch out.  Anyway, as the class begins to fill up, I see this enormous eatbeast enter the room. She's so big, she's wearing a jacket with gussets sewn in on the sides to enlarge it. She's so fucking fat she walks in this hunched-over shuffle that reminds me of Dr. Trager from Outlast. And of course, she huffs over to the corner I'm sitting in.  She starts to lean her mass over towards the seat next to me, but today I was proactive. Today, FPH, I shitlorded.  "Sorry, saving this seat for a friend," I said, throwing my backpack onto the table next to me. I imagine that she narrowed her eyes at me, but they were already so fucking squinty from her face fat jockeying for position around her eyes. She flopped down into the seat next to that one, murdering my nostrils and oh my god, you guys, she actually pulled a bag of chips out of nowhere. I thought that was a fat person parody, a way to make fun of how much food they eat. They actually do that shit.  So anyway, this skinny Asian kid comes into class late, moseys over to the seat where my backpack is, and asks if it's taken.  And I stared that eatbeast right in the face, pulled away my backpack and said, "Nope! All yours." Take that, chunkadunk.