Disgustor at the bookstore I was sitting in a line of chairs, maybe two down from this lardbarge. I'm reading my book and everything's good. Then it burped. Not a human burp, I heard it rumble up from the depths and slowly out of its gaping maw. It took like thirty seconds.  I'm gawking at this beast as it turns and grumbles, "'excuse me". I fucking bought my book to read at home in peace.