Short Tales of a Jealous Ham and a Mayo Goddess This is my first post and while I've personally had an encounters or two with hams, I will be saving that for another time. These two very short tales were told to me by my friend and my brother. I don't know all the little details since I didn't experience it first hand but these stories are funny nonetheless. Story One One day my friend who loves running (she was about 17 or 18 at the time) ran through a park minding her own business when she ran past a fatty. Out of nowhere the middle aged fatty yelled at her as she passed by, "STOP SHOWING OFF!!" Of course my friend didn't stop running to soothe ham's feelings and she also thought it was hilarious. Story Two I went on a family vacation earlier this year with my brother who likes to frequent clubs and bars. At the club a ham waddled up to him and kept trying to seduce him with something along the lines of, "Want to come back with me tonight? I got more fries with mayo," as she waved her greasy finger in his face while holding a mayo covered fry. Turns out the mayo goddess was staying in the same resort as us and she followed my brother around a number of times using the same fries with mayo pickup line. I only caught a glimpse of her at the bar but she was spilling out of the bar stool and was likely over 250 lbs.