Co-porker sneers at my salad. Oh hey, FPH, your collar bones look like they'd make a lovely sound if I tapped them with my finger.  Anyway... I was craving veggies, but I also wanted some protein, so for work, I decided to put together a crispy chicken and feta salad.  Nothing fancy (It looked like this after it was assembled--if you're hungry, you may not want to click on that, since it's not beetus food), but certainly something that would hit the spot. Anyway, I was enjoying a peaceful repast in the lunch beetus room, when in comes one of my co-porkers.  I'm guessing they smelled my crispy chicken.  Seriously, these adipose atrocities have noses like bloodhounds when it comes to anything possibly edible that's made contact with cooking oil. So the pork orc sniffs, sees my lunch, and says "Salad again Tuna? Why don't you eat a burger for once?" ..."Seriously?", I say, "This salad has almost as many calories as a Big Mac, except it's tastier... and more nutritious." (I know, I know, we don't do food hate here, and I don't mind the occasional McBeetus, or whatever other caloric abomination I sometimes crave, but this co-porker thinks that unless it's deep fried in lard, and covered with a pound of butter, it isn't food, so I had to make my point) ..."Gimmie a break", the food rapist sneers, "I could eat ten of those and still be hungry." Wait, what? Since when was massive overconsumption something to be proud of?  Eh, whatever.  I give porky the wonder orc a dirty look and say "Ordinarily I'd dispute that, but since it looks like your ass and your gut are having a race towards the ground, I'm going to believe you." ...and then I tune the piggy out, and go back to enjoying my salad.  Spoiler alert: it was fucking delicious. ...and yes, it really is a wonder that I'm still employed here.  I guess the fatties put up with it, since they know that they'd have to pull their fair share of work if I was fired.  Oh well, as I said before, the shitlording will continue until BMI improves.  And, as always, you guys will get stories.