Ham moms at elementary school So yesterday I got called by my boss to read at her kid's elementary school. NBD I really like kids, playing with and entertaining them, so I'm down to do this. I should mention this elementary school is highly rated and in a very affluent part of town, so I expect most of the moms to be pretty much like my boss: tall, fancy (expensive) clothes, blonde, very pretty, and thin or fit.  So I get there and go to the front office. There's a very nice thin lady behind a podium, and this behemoth butterslug that just GLARES at me. I hand it my ID to sign in and it grunts something at me. Of course I don't understand R'lyehian, so I ask it to repeat itself. According to this no-eyebrowed beast (I guess growing a mustache but no eyebrows is PCOS privilege) you have to have a background check before being able to read in classes. But I can go observe and help out. Because that makes TOTAL sense: we don't want you reading to the kids but it's cool if you interact with and help them and are in their general vicinity before doing this VERY SERIOUS IMPORTANT CHECK. So, onward. Turns out the shoggoth had given me the wrong directions to the classroom so I got to wander around an elementary school for 10 minutes looking for the stupid classroom. It honestly made me feel very creepy just walking up and peering into elementary school classrooms, because really who does that? So some nice (surprise here) thinner ladies helped me and told me the right directions. I get there, introduce myself to the kids, and sit down. Then come in the 2 "room moms" that were supposed to do the reading instead of me. They were both blonde and wearing expensive-yet-shitty clothes, but that's where the comparison to the normal moms ends. They were both just huge, I mean probably my height (5'7) but at least 250 each. One of them, of course, brought some shitty snack box from Starbucks and a drink with whipped cream on it and started loudly munching during the children's presentations. That one even went so far as to tell piglet 2 to go ahead and read first, I assume because it was still inhaling it's "snack". And of course they're THE WORST at reading - it sounds like some sort of Satanic chant rather than Pippy Longstocking. And it couldn't pronounce a bunch of words, SOMEHOW. Despite being an adult reading a first grade book, I guess the vocab was too hard.  I guess both of the alfredo-addicts got winded reading, so the class went back to presentations. And of course these turbocunts didn't even try and get the kids to behave - from then till the end of class it was just 6 year olds yelling over each other about which animal is the best animal. That's gonna teach the kids to be great adults, I bet. The best part? One of the fats brought its kid some beetus, but only its kid because I guess sharing is for losers. G fucking G.