Deathfat and teeth bleaching 've bitched about my fat ass COWorkers at the dental office on here before, but the truth is that the deathfats I see the most are patients. We offer a laser whitening service here where for $500 and two hours of time, one can walk out with teeth as white as possible.  I personally think that teeth whitening is unnecessary and frankly extreme white teeth freak me out, but whatever, plenty of people disagree and that's just fine. So this is where today's ultra deathfat comes in.  In waddles this thing that really made me almost lose my breakfast.  It comes in wheezing and says that it needs the laser whitening because it is looking for a job and wants to look nice.   Guys this thing was comically huge.  A former female, it looked like a beach ball or that girl in Wonka when she blows up.  Does she really think that anyone will notice her white teeth (which surely will be brown soon from all the beetus juice)?  I didn't even want to look at it, let alone its mouth.   What makes it think anyone would want to hire it?  It's like throwing a cup of water into a ranging forest fire.  It's all for nothing. As someone who is looking for a new job but is frustrated to come up with a lot of nothing, at least I know that I look good and eventually someone will hire me over that thing. (If they value their business/company/eyes, anyway).