Hamily accuses me of anorexia... then steals my food Good morning fellow shitlords and shitladies. College-aged shitlady here. So, I had to move back in with my hamily over the summer because apparently working two jobs wasn't enough to continue to fund my freedom away from their gravitational pull (but I'm now working three jobs and intend to move back out in a couple of months, Brodin willing). It's been a nightmare so far. But this isn't a post to rant about the fact that they keep the house at a chilly 69 F and then still complain about being hot while I'm wandering around indoors, wearing a coat and gloves. Nor is this a post to rant about how these fat fucks are so lazy that they've never properly house-trained (or disciplined) their pack of dogs so the little assholes are allowed to piss and shit all through the house which is just fucking disgusting. No, this is a post to illustrate how utterly pathetic, contradictory, and stupid these beasts really are. To set the stage: I currently have a BMI of 20.8 and a TDEE of 1536. I want to get down to a BMI of 19. To achieve this, I've been eating 1200 calories a day. A reasonable deficit, right? NOPE, FELLOW SHITNOBLES. OBVIOUSLY, AS A 5'6" YOUNG WOMAN, I AM STARVING MYSELF BY ONLY CONSUMING 1200 CALORIES A DAY. AND, OH, DEAR GOD, I HAVE VISIBLE RIBS? WEE WOO WEE WOO SOMEONE CALL THE EATING DISORDER POLICE; CLEARLY THIS BITCH IS ANOREXIC. Yes, that's right, I have had members of my hamily casually accuse me of having an eating disorder. Because all skinny bitches must be anorexic, right? Fuck off. So, last night, I got in late from job number three to realize that my step-ham of the male-mayo variety had finally gotten his buttery paws onto my secret coconut milk ice cream stash (lactose intolerance is a bitch). Yes. I had a secret stash of ice cream, carefully hidden in the freezer, BECAUSE I KNEW IF I DIDN'T HIDE IT, THE FUCKING BEETUS DUMPSTER WOULD HORK IT DOWN. (I also have my candy stashed away in my room, but there are just certain things you can't hide in a sock drawer). (The step-ham has the beetus, by-the-by. Fun fact. And I hope it takes it before too long). So, now I'm a little pissed off. For one, it's rare that I treat myself with ice cream, and this buttergolem had now spoiled it. For two, non-dairy ice cream is fucking expensive. And for three, THIS SAD SACK OF BITCH TITS HAD TO GO HUNTING FOR THIS ICE CREAM. IT HAD TO SEARCH FOR IT. IT HAD TO DIG FOR IT. FUCK, IT PROBABLY SCENTED IT OUT LIKE SOME SUGAR-TRAINED BLOODHOUND. When I brought the incident up to ham-mom this morning, she simply giggled. That's right. She fucking giggled. And then she said, "Oh, yeah. I saw him get into it. He knew it was yours and I told him it wasn't even real ice cream, but he said it still tasted good!" FUCK OFF, FATTY. I KNOW IT TASTES GOOD. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I BUY IT. ITS LEVEL OF DELICIOUSNESS ISN'T WHAT'S UP FOR DEBATE HERE. At this point, I decided to shitlord, because you know what? Fuck them. Fuck them all (but not literally because hurl). "Oh, it's okay. I don't need the sweets anyway. But, you know? It's just a little pathetic. How much of an addict do you have to be to actively go hunting for food that isn't yours?" And then I walked off. Fucking belugas. Next time, I'll hide my ice cream underneath a pile of frozen vegetables. The hams would never think to look there.