How to have a racing car:   Are you racing?   Are you in a car?   Congratulations! You have a racing car! Never mind the fact that you're in an '82 Toyota Tercel that hasn't had an oil change in 5 years and can't make it up a hill without being pushed, and the only thing you're racing is an elderly woman with a walker screaming at "those damn Jew squirrels" who's still managing to beat you.