I hear you. There are times I look at my face in the mirror and don't even recognize it's me. I think my body parts are broken and don't belong to a human, but are instead crafted by aliens as a weird experiment to pass as a human. That causes some serious issues that I have to logically fight against...and I do, but it doesn't erase the deep feeling that there's something insanely wrong and backwards about the very nature and composition of my being. As a result, I hate being in public and it feeds into my eating disorder to the point that it's starting to override my lifting desire. This is literally eating away at me.  Yeah, a fat that recognizes they look like a sack of cottage cheese is the same thing. Me and the self-aware fattie are mentally going through the same struggle. Yep.