Hamschoolers are Humorous Pre-disclaimer: I'm venting about a guy I went to school with. Not over-the-top funny, not over-the-top shitlordy, just venting. It's not for all, but I like reading these types of posts, hence I'm putting it up. Hope you enjoy! Good day FPH, been a lurker for a little while now and just remembered I have a fatty friend to rant about! To comply with rules, we'll call him Kevin. Now, at the time we went to school together, Kevin and I weighed about the same, I was 190 he was ~210. Yes, I too, was a hambeast. Neither of us cared and neither of us were bothered by it, we were social outcasts anyways, and (unfortunately) our friend group didn't rip us for it, apart from an occasional quip. That's pretty much where the similarities ended. First off, I wasn't just big, I was tall. I was 6' tall, and while I didn't intentionally work out, I grew up on a farm, went walking/biking frequently (during the summer I'd bike 5k one way to work, over hilly terrain at best and a gravel trail on the way back) and had a shitlord family who scorned my chip-eating and fed me diverse meals.  Kevin, on the other hand, was no more than 5'4", ate like a whale and did not move, at all. He'd get out of breath going up a flight of stairs. For lunch, he'd have two meat-loaded footlongs from Subway, (I also favourited the 'way, and always got a footlong, double bacon, no mayo and tons of lettuce) and make one of them a meal, so 16oz of coca-betus and a small bag of Doritos. His family was a bunch of enablers, I only saw his hamplanet mom bringing him his Subway once or twice, and she was a deathfat. He didn't get a lot of crap from our healthy friends to his face, but behind his back was openly ripped into. To further the typical ham model, both of us were arrogant pricks. Your typical tubblerinas, self absorbed, ignorant, sexist as fuck, the whole deal. But, like with our height, we had a major difference. I was, if I do say so myself, brilliant. The only class I came close to failing was French, but there's a damn good reason for it. He was... failing open level English (easiest there is), and most other classes below 60. He was also genuinely sexist, I did it entirely out of humor. If we could be racist, we would, I in humor him for white supremacy, but our student body had about as much colour as 0xFFFFFF, so it never came up. Where are your smiles? They're coming, be patient. Round 1 Our school's 'broadcast studio', if you will, had two soft, cushy desk chairs and two-three hard rolly chairs. The recliner chairs were reserved for equipment operators, but Kevin didn't like sitting in the hard chairs or operating the equipment. So he'd sit in the recliner chair until production started, then swap the responsibility to someone else and bare the hard chair. But he'd always lean the chair way back, and whenever the other senior tech found his arse in the chair, he'd shout out, "God damn it Kevin!" after having his back molested by not only the sweat of ham, but the feeling of the chair in it's weird fat person setting. Round 2 During a late-night rehearsal, we were allowed 30 minutes for food guzzling. Nobody in the cast or crew ate real food, since 30 minutes meant 20 minutes before getting anywhere was considered, and the nearest food outlet (a Jim Norton's) was 5 minutes at a cool 6km/h stride. The Subway was a good 10 minutes at stride, almost 20 if we went with Kevin, who'd need frequent rests for his joints (and to breathe). So if we wanted half-decent food, we needed a car. I was blessed with my parents super-small car, and was electold to take the group to said Subway. I'd never realized how much of a difference those 15 lbs were until Kevin folded himself into this car. The whole thing sagged sideways. It didn't accelerate. It didn't corner. I stalled it (first time stalling a car since I was 12) because of how differently it handled. I could tell where in the car he was sitting solely on the feel of the car. It was brutal. Round 3 We were a tight knit group, consisting of 5 people. Us two hams, and 3 normal humans, two girls, and a guy. The one girl never bought-or ate-anything. She was also barely 100#, and pretty much a shitlady. The other was about 160, but fit. The guy wasn't a sports nut, but worked hard labor so he never gained weight. Those two and I would often get goodies, especially during rehearsal nights, to sustain us. Kevin ate about half the group-purchased food, and never bought a damn thing. This irked me the most, I had no ground to stand against his weight, but I could not stand his selfish attitude. Final Encounter (Destruction of a hamplanet) The shitlass girl managed to get to me during one of the last days of school, I don't know if she did it intentionally or was just speaking her mind, but she made me realize in what terrible shape I was. I didn't let it bother me until I crossed 200#s, at which point, I said no more. I got on a diet using Lose It (amazing app) and stuck to it right up until Christmas, where 3 consecutive Christmas Dinners took their toll. All in all, I'm at 170 now, having lost 35 lbs since mid August. I've got 160 in my sights, then I'll either start working on muscle or go for 140. Any advice/shitlording/criticism/encouragement is welcome! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!