Help me shitlord my fat roommate Hi everyone. Long time lurker, first time poster.  I've was brought to FPH by my mini moon college roommate. I attend university on the West Coast in the US, and most of the people on campus are really fit. But for some reason I had to be paired with the only fat that attends the university. Here is some of his behavior: 1) He's the kind of fat who thinks he's really health conscious. Like he bought a measuring cup to measure how much porridge he eats for breakfast, and he only eats 1 cup every morning. But then he eats a whole cake, a tin of crisps, and two bowls of rice for dinner. Then after eating all that, he goes out to the market to buy a second microwave dinner and another sweet. What I find so irritating is having to hear him brag about his "healthy", 150 cal breakfast, and then watch him eat a 4000 cal dinner.  2) He doesn't understand boundaries. Sometimes in the middle of the night (when his sugahs get too low probably) he steals some of my or my apartment mates sweets. I have a box of cookies that I buy from this Italian store downtown (they're freaking delicious btw) and they come in this distinctive wrapping. I've noticed my cookies going missing, and my apartment mate is also reporting his chocolates going missing. The other day, I found one of my cookie wrappers in the toilet. Why is he stealing my cookies, and what the fuck is he doing eating it on the toilet? I haven't confronted him about this because I'm pretty reserved, but I need to say something or else I'll explode I have a lot more to say, but I'd rather hear your advice, experienced shitlords. How do I deal with him? Teach me your ways. Please.