Some stories about two fats in my class I'm taking an anthropology class this semester, and there are these two fats (who I'll call Ham and Bacon) who always sit by each other. For some reason they're both blobs even though they're vegan. I am not joking, Bacon always brings essentially a two course meal into class every day and shares it with Ham whenever Ham forgets to bring her own. I'll be a little bit forgiving because it's a morning class and sometimes I sneak in a few snacks just to keep my stomach growling from interrupting the professor. But these piggos bring in straight up dinners instead of textbooks.   This, however, has not gone unnoticed by the professor, who is one of the snarkiest shitlords I think I'll ever have the pleasure of meeting. First day of class, Bacon pulls out a tupperware container of some sort of soup and just starts loudly slurping it while Dr. Shitlord is going over the syllabus. He tries to not get distracted, but then she pulls out another container of some vegan concoction. He then stops mid-sentence and looks right at her, saying "Wow! You eat a lot! That's so weird that you two just keep food in your bags...." to which Ham and Bacon awkwardly laugh it off.   The next few weeks of class, it's pretty much the same thing, though Dr. Shitlord tries his hardest to focus on actually lecturing, rather than confronting the pigs too often about their loud slurping and eating. The noise and their smells drive me insane, so now I sit at the opposite end of the room, so I'm amazed Dr. Shitlord can put up with it since the pigs both sit in the front row. Finally he confronts them again, saying "You just can't stop eating can you?" Bacon reveals that she has packed food for all of her classes that day, to which Dr. Shitlord gives an utterly baffled look, refusing to believe that what he just witnessed happened within reality. "I always like to think about what I'm going to eat next." Says Ham. "It's fun to plan it out, and there's never a wrong time to be eating." I too feel the palpable departure from reality, refusing to believe this isn't some sort of fever dream or hallucination. How can these pigs be so obsessed with eating so much and think it's healthy just because it's vegan?! Keep in mind, Bacon is about double my size, Ham is about three times my size, and both of them look considerably older due to the fat. And of course they're real big on the body positivity shit and HAES.