Have you ever tried lucid dreaming? I don't know how to explain how to do it but there are tutorials online. I've just done it since I was a child.  Can't do it after I started taking sleeping pills just an FYI.  Also, do you see a therapist? It's emotionally taxing taking care of people with special needs and you might benefit from talking about it. It doesn't make you any less educated or worthy. Maybe you need to unburden yourself of your frustrations.