Gym Stories: I, Grandma Ham This was my second day back to the gym after a pretty long hiatus. Of course, there are still New-Years-Pigs; woefully they haven't dissipated completely. After a cardio warm-up, I went to the machine/weight area to do upper body. It's pretty okay, only 3 fats among 4-5 swolebros. One of the swolebros (a trainer) was instructing a ham through a routine using the different machines. This ham, Beer-Gut-Gus, was one of the weird hams who looked completely normal except for this giant, round gut. Remember him. After a few of my exercises, Grandma Ham approaches me (mid-set, no less) and asks me if I use [pec deck machine]. She's a planet. 300lbs-350lbs on a 5'4 frame, decked out in all her new, brightly coloured "gear". I tell her yes, and ask her if she wants help/instruction. She gets an angry, jealous look on her face and shakes her head at me; "No, I think it's broken." This machine is perfectly functional, the only thing "broken" about it was it was hard to start because she had the seat pulled forward. She waddles away abruptly so I can't #trigger her anymore. Now, Beer-Gut-Gus was instructed to use a machine. It was all fine until, three steps from the machine, Grandma Ham jumps onto it. While Gus accepts his fate and stands waiting for the machine, Grandma Ham just sits there talking to her acquaintance, who is also hogging a machine (one that I needed) without using it. Gus goes to tell his trainer that the machine is occupied, and Grandma Ham pipes up: "I don't see your name on it." Eventually, Grandma Ham and her acquaintance get kicked off the machines and are told not to hog. Hogs are gonna hog, though. Hopefully this shit dissipates.