Saaaaame here. my mother had a child because she wanted an object to hoard, not a person in her life. She figured she was getting a personal servant, joke was on her though because I came fucked up. she used to "let me learn" how to do chores by never fucking doing anything, I did the dishes, cleaned, cooked, laundry, everything, until at about 12, My disabilities became clear. That was when she started to hate me. She always made comments about how my thinness was the cause of all my problems til I got diagnosed, even though I ate like a fucking black hole, but everything changed once I was broken. Suddenly, I was a burden, and one that she couldn't simply fob off on someone else, and she resented my very existence. The worst part is though... as much as she hated me, I was still hers. So she hoards me. control is what they want, they want a minimoon that is too cowed and hates themselves to much so they will care for their mothers for the rest of their lives out of fear of rejection from anyone else, so they can spiral off into grey gardens territory together. suddenly, I ate to much, my medicine cost to much, I wanted to much I was to demanding I was selfish and I was cruel and I was a terrible terrible person. FPH is really helping me to come to a place where I understand it WAS her fault, and she really is just a bad person that I shouldn't have in my life. It hurts, but I think it helps to say it and admit it out in the open. I used to always make exuses for how she treated me, for how she hated me, because I could tell she felt bad about it. That was even the reason she lashed out at me sometimes as I lay there helpless and prone. She felt guilty and horrible for hating me, but hate seethed within her, and so all that bottled up emotion would get exploded at some minor offense. I understand that part of it is me, if you were going to define me as an animal, I am prey not predator, but that does not excuse this behavior in people. The funny thing is, it's always The typical SJW's who explode on me for litterally no reason but my being the smallest weakest person in the room, because I'm the first time ever they have seen somebody small and weak enough they feel they can pick on with no repercussions. I can't even picture some jock doing some of the shit I've experienced. One time, I was fucking 15 and on crutches, over at this 35 year old mans house with his girlfriend and some other people from the gamestore for his birthday to play D&D. His girlfriend was a disproving cunt with a bad case of DM's girlfriend syndrome, never sitting still or having her character do anything she wasn't directly ordered to do. So he was getting progressively more and more frustrated and annoyed at her, but bottling it up. At one point, she got up and got everyone Ice cream with raspberries, and he was busy being sullen and angry with her, so he didn't touch his, set it on a side table across the livingroom infact, near me. Were playing the game, trying to get on with the adventure he had planned out, and about an hour or so later, the ice cream has melted completely, so I picked one of the berries out of the bowl and popped it in my mouth. Now, I will grant I should have asked permission, which is what my mom said as everyone else was dragging him off of me, but that does not make it an appropriate response to pull my hair back and start pouring melted icecream in my eyes. These people, literally the only thing that keeps them from being a bully to everyone is that they feel they can't get it away with it, they will take absolutely any tool they can and beat you with it. I might still have some residual feeling sorry for my mom, but I'm not going to let it excuse her leaving me when I've fallen and I can get up because she feels offended or we were fighting or she is just to fucking lazy to be bothered. I can't ever let her make me feel bad for her so I will come to take the abuse. The funny thing is, she blames everything she is on her shitty father, fat, feminist, "celibate" (also see-totally unfuckable) yadda yadda yadda and she didn't want me to have a father in my life because hers was so awful and they are so awful and she wanted me to be hers and hers alone, she became everything her father was. A controlling, angry, unhappy, miserable, scary person to be around. I have seen trauma in my life, not only from her and not only from my disabilities, I was in therapy for trauma when I was 2 for fuck sake but you know what? I don't blame any of it for anything that is happening today. I got over my shit, and I moved past. I learned to cope, and how to be a person.