How my 3 year old started a war at dinner: "Aunt Dolores, why is your butt on your front?" So yeah, he said that at dinner. Things went downhill from there. Here's basically how it went. Aunt Dolores> What did you say? My Wife> Andrew, put away your plate and go to your room. (Andrew is my son's name - well not his actual name, but you get the idea.) Me> No, we're not punishing him for asking an honest question. Aunt Dolores> You asshole. Me> Andrew, that's her tummy, not her butt. Remember what I told you about making good choices? Some people choose to eat to much food, and that makes their body parts get really big. Andrew> Why do they eat so much food? Me> Because they really like food. And once you start getting too big, it's hard to do fun things like run and play with your friends. (I play soccer with my friends several times a week.) Eating is the only thing they can do to have fun. Aunt Dolores> Why you fucking asshole. My Wife> Dolores, do not speak that way in front of my son. Dinner is over. Please go home. That was last night. Wife hasn't spoken to me yet. You might have guessed this but I've always fucking hated Dolores. She reminds me of a fatter version of umbridge from harry potter, hence the pseudonym.