My Car Shitlorded a Blappy So....this really happened: I have one of those fancy pants parking assist systems in my car and I shit you not, it fatshamed a blimp walking around it.  I was leaving the gym on a Saturday morning and because I'm either a total dick or just wasn't paying attention (I'm prolly just a dick) I pulled out of the parking lot across the sidewalk. I live in a city, so there's a lot of foot traffic. A normal sized person walked around the back of the car and I heard a little 'beep'. It was kind of cute. My car was telling me that something was behind me and when I looked up at the screen I saw him walking by.  It's a busy street and I was turning left, having to cross traffic. A few minutes later a full ride scholarship recipient to Diabetes U was walking up to the car. Same thing. He walked around the back and it was like the Russians had just gotten a lock on Maverick and Goose. The car was wailing and screaming as though a fucking meteor was approaching. DEFCON 1 MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!! I must have laughed for 10 mins.  TL;DR German cars and MJello are assholes.