I believe most women LIKE being the victim  Yeah, clinical depression runs in my family so I should be the most sympathetic person in the world when the topic comes up. But stories like yours or what I saw with my family are just so rare in comparison to the vast majority of experiences out there.  It's just amazing to me that anyone takes people seriously who want special treatment for a problem while not actively trying to fix it. Like I totally get illness or injury making certain things impossible or at least not realistic. So those can't be worked on. But someone can almost always instead put focus on the thing keeping them from working on the problem. And if it's actually a big deal that should be their number one concern in life.  And in particular to the point where they can't expect anyone else to put far more effort into treating their condition than they themselves are. I'll happily help a loved one try to get back on their feet for years. But it's a very different thing than them instead asking for me to just do everything for them for that same amount of time while they're ignoring the underlying cause.