When it all hits home. 178kg man died on our ward this week. So I'm on my first rotation in a run down shit heap of a public hospital. We are meant to look after lungs, and Influenza is making our ward a busy as fuck place to be. I'm feeling fucking anxious as it's all fucking new and I need to get sign offs. The next patient was on my list.  A BIG guy is in bed, waiting for a consult from the physio's who look like they walked off the set of "Home and Away" and are cute and small. Patient is a good 178kgs or 394lb in retard units. Patient has had a bad night with Cpap and has a grey tinge to him. Has been friendly with most of the ward though in for a while. Physio starts on him, he crashes, codes and has a large team of medicos doing their morning exercises on him doing CPR. After 45 minutes a tech just manages to hear some heart beat blebs on a monitor - is wheeled out to ICU where he promptly dies.  In the mean time, the ward is all depressed as he was a well known patient and nurses had spent a lot of time looking after him, a bunch of new starters are traumatized as they have never seen anyone die in a such a fashion before, I have to answer a bunch of questions about how I'm "feeling" to clinical lecturers as they are worried about me getting PTSD, and the sad shit thing is the person he left behind is his 84 year old mom to pick up the pieces. He was in his early 50s.  As I packed his shit up from the room, another senior nurse is all pissed off and thinks it's nursing ratios and not enough trained people that caused his demise, I'm like yeah yeah I get it. <soundboard>  But the fucking elephant in the room is, he was too big. His body packed it in because he didn't do enough walking eating the right shit, and he then became a sick man as the fluids went in to his lungs. As a society we are all too big we are all on the obese side of a rough BMI. But his BMI was 45+ There is no muscle tone or condition he was no rugby player. He couldn't move off his bed. His skin was starting to split, and his heart was under too much pressure. This is, not allowed by me to say this in the ward because - it's being all judgmental of the patient. But....  One of the older nurses said "Just another man not wanting to look after his health."  I want to turn this into some sort of humor, and have some black heart arseholes point out what I know.  Cause right now I feel like I failed somehow.  So have at it Voat. Do your thing.