The Tale of the Black Mamba Here's the story of how I was stalked by a creepy fat girl. It was the summer of 2015, my fit friends and I were vacationing in a tropical resort town in Taiwan, where we stayed at this amazing hostel, the only problem were the other patrons, one very fat woman in particular which we'll call the Black Mamba. It was around dusk when my friends and I were scooting around town on our rented mopeds, we stopped by a convenient store to get some Aloe Vera to rub on my sunburnt skin from being too sexy on the beach the day before; that was when my nightmare began. I made the mistake of taking off my shirt in public and rubbing Aloe all over myself, unaware of the obscenely large predator that was lurking in the shadows... The Back Mamba. "Heyyy!! I've seen you at the hostel right?" The Black Mamba said to me with the eyes of a preying mantis ready to devour its mate. Caught by surprise with no shirt on, I wasn't able to act accordingly in time. My Canadian reactions kicked in, I extended my hand and introduced myself with a polite smile. That was my second mistake. "You can call me Gigi, people say it means 'penis' in Mandarin." The beast made a sound which resembled a giggle. I could tell the beast standing in front of me was ready to make her move, I quickly introduced the beast to my friends in an attempt to divide its attention. Two other guys and a girl, the Black Mamba shook hands with the two guys and offered a glare of complete contempt and hatred at the girl, she was marking her territory.  "Some friends (also lardbeasts) and I are going down to the beach later to build a bonfire, you should come Lord_of_Shit." The Black Mamba said. "Can't, already have plans with my friends later, thanks though." I lied. We quickly got on our mopeds and sped away, thinking that would be my last interaction with the beast. I was wrong. Back at the hostel, I was taking a shower, and I heard it outside. I heard the Black Mamba. "Hello?" The beast called out.  "It's occupied." I replied, reminding me of a scene in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. "Hello?" It said again and started to knock on the door. I didn't have any clothes in here, only a towel barely large enough to wrap around my torso. I turned off the shower, grabbed the towel and opened the door. There it was, in all its mass and weight, waiting for me outside the shower, the Black Mamba. "I really have to get in my room." I said, and ran straight to the door. But my friends were assholes, they locked it. So there I was, locked out of my room with nowhere to run, completely wet and naked with a towel barely enough to cover my anaconda and a gigantic shebeast approaching me with thirst. And as I saw the last glimmer of hope slip away, the door opened. I ran inside and locked the door to the sight of my friends laughing hysterically. That was the story of how I escaped death.