Stories about Sam, a long-haired fatso. So I work with this guy. He wears a long hair, is a brony, has a patchy beard, tells depressing jokes and the two years he was in my team, he talks about losing weight. He must be 10 kilos heavier than two years ago when I started working here. Today he huffed an puffed late to the office. As he was turning on a computer, he looked at this colleague. Suzie, slim girl, eating delicate pastry. Sam said "whoa, you are making me hungry." Took his coat and went to a store to buy these cheese pockets. Not one, two.  I then watched him lazily starting up a computer, paying more attention to his food than the work. Later, we went from lunch. Suzie pointed to a caramel cake: "this looks good." Sam turned away "I will not look at them, this is the kind of good that makes you fat from looking at it." (no fatso, but your two cheese pockets you gulped for breakfast did).  Suzie shitlorded right back: "Not me!" I lol'd I decided I will document these incidents. Some great ones slipped my memory and my fellow shitlords and shitladies deserve to hear them.