Trust me.  This is how my mind works. "Don't exercise while Ham is around."  I took that to mean kick her out of the living room when I want to exercise and let her know, "either go to your room, the kitchen, or outside. It's time for my workout. Cats getting fat?  "Someone's been giving you people food.  You know you're only allowed chicken liver and kibble.  No more meat until you lose that pudge. Edit: oh, and my wife has forbidden me from actively sabataging their relationship. Real shame to, but adults are entitled to thier own decisions.  And I'll be there with a nice friendly "told ya so." I also reminded them that "couples who quit smoking together have a higher success rate than when a person goes solo.  You know, like losing weight or any other self-improvement goal.