Military hams As I alluded to in a previous post I rarely come across Hams in my day to day life. However when I do it's all the more depressing because of the ramifications of their fatness being more than just inconvenience and disgust for passers by. In my world condishuns can literally be the difference between life and death for a lot of people.  When I was but a thrusting young combat infanteer I left these green and pleasant shores for an extended holiday in Iraq. As expected I was surrounded by a sea of shit lords. The infantry isn't a ham friendly institution by its very nature. However there was one blip on the radar. A solitary ham. And that ham was Brinky. And I had to live and work with him for 7. Fucking. Months. 24/7  Brinky was a horrendously fat fuck. At best he was 5' 10", and around 290 lbs. Not that it's relevant to this story he was also super gay. What is relevant is that he had a malnourished boyfriend he was seen dragging around town back in the UK now and then, who he'd brag about fisting on the reg. Anyone else's skin crawling yet?  Brinky had to have his uniform specially tailored. Shirts stitched together and trousers had elastic inserted. He was so fat his body armour was barely capable of fitting him. Let that sink in a minute. His body armour. Didn't fit. Needless to say he also had the constant stench of adipose about him. It was extremely hot, you sweated from the moment you stepped off the plane to the moment you got back on it. I could distinctly smell him over the smell of everyone else. And the smell of a fucking war zone in an Arab country.  The selfishness is what's worse. Were he to become injured it would effectively wipe out and entire section (8 men) just to carry him. The one man CASEVAC would be impossible. Not only that but were anyone else to get injured there's no way that he would be any use in the CASEVAC process either. Bearing in mind as a minimum we'd be carrying about 20-30kg minimum each, so extraction from point of injury to safety would be neigh on impossible.  Now, we were deployed as an armoured infantry unit, although we would end up boots on the ground the majority of the time when on task. We used Warrior IFVs. For those of you that have never been in armour before they are the ultimate shitlord. Every inch of space is vital, and whilst the troop compartment is quite roomy the drivers compartment certainly isn't. And guess what Brinky did. That's write he was the driver. There was an unwritten understanding that were Brinky to get injured or killed whilst driving we'd leave him in there and recover the vehicle with his body in situ. The only problem with this is that if the back of the vehicle is damaged or the vehicle is on its turret, the door will be inoperable,  and the only escape route is through the tunnel and out the drivers hatch. Brinky with his obesity potentially condemned us to death. Cunt.  ETA: Literally deathfat Edit 2: clarified minor details