Theft via FUPA. So I was inspired by this post about fats cheating to post my own tale of dishonesty.    About two years ago, I started working in a retail butcher store. I spend most of my time out the back cutting up meat, but will occasionally jump on the front counter to give the shop girls a hand.   Over the course of my time working there, I have witnessed three thefts, all by hamplanets, but the most recent one is the tale I will share with you all today.   We have cabinets like this, a little known fact is that you can actually lift the glass up at the front for easy cleaning. Unfortunately the featured obeast knew this too.   I was on the slicer cutting some ham(tee-hee) for it, but was watching it in one of our strategically placed mirrors. I saw it lift the front of the cabinet, grab a fistful of lamb cutlets and seemling shove them down its pants.    SansWodrop: (still slicing ham)"You're going to pay for those. Right?"  Meatybeast: (reaches under shirt, removes cutlets)  SansWodrop: (realises they were not secreted in its pants, but under its fupa, chokes back a little vomit.).  As the Meatybeast lifts the cabinet glass again, time slows down. I scream nooo as it attempts to put them back. I ran towards it, in a attempt to stop it from putting the lamb (is it even still lamb at this point?) Back in its tray, and pulled the tray away just as it dropped the first one back on top.    Now, even if a human had done this, I would be required to toss the entire tray for food saftey reasons, and she picked one of the most expensive cuts of meat to drip her grease all over. At $3 dollars each, I guessed the value of the tray at easy a hundred dollars. My stingy boss would of been pissed at that much loss, so I knew I needed proof of what happened, so he wouldn't crack it.   I calmly locked the front door, walked back around the counter and called the police. More hassle than it's worth, but I was not going to let that come out of my paycheck.    As I am explaining the situation, the beast starts Reeeing, "meat is so expensive, I have three kids, I only took it to feed them, reee reee reee."    As the police arrive the Reeeing starts up again, complete with tears that in hindsight, I'm pretty sure were actual gravy.   They arrested it, and as it was being led away I heard it sob "but I tried to put them back!" As if that's actually a good thing.   The best part is it got done for food tampering, in addition to theft, and actually got a bit of jail time.  Tldr; obeast attempts to steal meat by hiding it under its fupa, cops are called, and dispite it "trying to put it back" winds up in jail.