Cake Helps Me Heal, Tee Hee! Argh! Okay. So I have this European friend, met on Instagram through a common hobby (nail art!), and we'll be doing a swap soon so we can each try brands that we don't get in our respective countries. I mentioned once I had to go work out, and she mentioned that she wanted to lose weight- at this point, I had no idea what she looked like, because she never posted selfies (really, I'm sure you can't guess why eyeroll.gif) So she sends a pic, and I see she's got about 60 pounds to lose. Whew, she's not a planet, 60 pounds is totally doable (if you actually WANT to fucking do it, I'm sure you can guess where this is going) and I'd be happy to help a friend stay motivated, and give her tips and advice if need be. I start subtly shitlording, mentioning my daily workouts, responding with pictures of my salads and black coffee when she sends pics of her DAILY cake with beetus coffee (these are not small slices, by the way. My teeth hurt just looking at them!) and finally, she says something along the lines of "Now's the time! Tomorrow I start!" Pleased with myself, but skeptical, I agree to try to help her stay motivated. Already though, I knew it was doomed- I'm a firm believer in not helping someone more than they're willing to help themselves, and if you don't have the motivation on your own, there's not much anyone else can do for you, is there?  Regardless, I DM her a few inspirational weight loss/ fitness images I found on Instagram, finding it fun in a sort of passive aggressive way to nag the butterhuffer. At the very least, I thought she'd at least put down the fucking cake, because I explained how the cake is the culprit for her pre bedtime hunger every night. Things seemed to be going well for a whole few hours, she was proud of not eating any chocolate! (areyoufuckingserious.jpg) and then disaster struck. Some guy shoved past her while getting off a bus or something, she scraped her knees bad and declared she was practically bed ridden.  And then today, I get yet another picture of fucking cake- "my usual" and she tells me it's helping her heal, with two gay ass smiley emojis. Bitch, I'm done. Stay fat fucking forever. You have no fucking will power, no motivation, no discipline, and you are a true fatty inside and out. I might still shitlord from time to time because it's fun, but I'm not even gonna try to help her seriously.  Goddamn cake huffing heffalump.