It's pretty ridiculous. She was still doing 20 mile hikes WITH stage iv cancer. Lost the ability to even stand up and was wo  7ffa  rking to regain the ability to walk after the first day back home. Shook me awake for late night walks with her walker just because it bugged her being so immobile and she was eager to work hard for a physical goal again. And she made it. She regained her mobility so fast. Because she put everything into it. Fuck if it ever crossed her mind for one second to use a scootypuff either.  And as much as it sounds like a platitude, even at the end she never stopped seeing every day as a gift rather than her lack of them as a curse. Even at the literal end, she spent her last few days ensuring that people would look in on her loved ones to make sure we were all doing ok after she was gone.  She fought so hard every second of it. SO MANY people do with such a wide variety of severe issues. And what's most fucked up about the whole thing is that I swear sometimes you can tell people who are the sickest by the fact that they look like the healthiest in the room. Just because in our fucked up culture it takes so much to keep people aware of how important their health is.  At the end we were trying anything to get calories to her. And find anything she could actually enjoy eating too. It wouldn't save her but the hope was it would give her some final quality of life and provide her with what she needed to stay lucid. It did, and she was so grateful when I found stuff that she could enjoy. Literal milliliters worth of a milkshake or soup and she'd be so happy. She'd saver it. Meanwhile these people just chug everything nonstop on an almost unconscious level. It's funny too in a way that she was one of the most food conscious people I've ever known. But you know...actually wanting to 'experience' it, taste it, carefully source the ingredients, back when she could cook meals and enjoy other people's enjoyment of it.  The only tiny bit of good in all that is that she lived the fuck out of her life. It was all too short. And some irony in spending so much time in the sun leading to her death. But there's no question that she wouldn't have traded her life for anything. Certainly not decades of extra life if it meant living like these people who take it all for granted and waste it mindlessly grazing. She was content with the fullness of her life when she died. She still felt lucky at the end. And her last words were that she loved me. It was a good life for both of us. But I do miss her and miss just knowing she's around enjoying the world and living within it.  Sorry for going on so much about her. She was pretty amazing and it's hard not to slip back into bragging about her sometimes.