Triggered a ham on the subway unintentionally I was riding the subway sometime this week and had the misfortune of getting into the same car as a femayo lardbeast, who was about 300 lbs or so, maybe more. It immediately plopped down on a seat, its disgusting sides spilling into the aisle and squishing the poor human next to it. I was standing and frequently had to catch my balance as the train tracks were quite bumpy. After a few minutes, I noticed by looking at the door reflection that the butterhuffer was staring at me with a huge frown on its face - the classic "triggered" look. Seeing a golden shitlording opportunity, I stood up straight and confidently, watching its death stare grow more and more intense as it was forced to acknowledge what actual curves look like. It turned out that we were both getting off at the same stop, and before the train arrived, it stood up and waddled in front of me, blocking the entire door. With a "hmph" that sounded more like a wheeze, it went out of the train first and promptly headed for the escalator in as dignified a waddle as it could muster (which looked absolutely hilarious). As for me, with my heavy laptop bag, I galloped towards the staircase beside the escalator and bounded up two stairs at a time, reaching the top before the mayo magnet even reached the halfway point. It's fucking hilarious how they get piggered just looking at an actual human.