Short rants about local fats. I want to preface these two short stories by saying that I've only been involved in weightlifting for less than a year, so while I may look like someone who works out, I don't look like a bodybuilder (yet).  The bigger teehee issue here is that any level of fitness in this area places you at around 3% of the population.  So just not being fat or a skinny fat in dirty, ratty clothes with neck tattoos tends to get you a lot of looks.  So, keep that in mind.. I was in the local grocery store restocking on fruit and salad components.  This isn't a pat on the back for myself so much as a necessary portion of the story.  After I hit up the things I came to get, I like to browse the meat department for sales.  I tend to buy most meat products when they are on sale because it's cheaper and protein powder isn't all that nice of a dinner component.  As I pass the seafood area (none on sale, damn) I get stuck behind a slow-grazing cart-leaner with an equally enormous blob hanging starboard.  The clinger was femayo, and using the side of the cart as support.  It was like being stuck behind a garbage truck on a one lane road in the dead of summer.  I stopped and stared into the seafood bin contemplating suffocating myself on the plastic wrappers to escape the smell.  After the smell faded I resumed course.  The beetus-barge comes to a halt a few aisles ahead.  The clinger slowly reaches out for one of the frozen food bins in the center of the aisle (the uncovered areas that keep food chilled).  It slowly lumbers and shuffles until it's resting with its butt against the cart-bumper.  Then, as if there were no other tempting morsels around it, it's fat, dead eyes focus in on me.  I try to act like I don't see it (I don't want to get kicked out of a grocery store over some altercation that makes it look like I was flirting with mayo's mom/wife/sister.  Hard to tell ages since they all look old and dead anyway).  It's directly between me and the chicken, could it detect my intentions in this part of the store?  It flips it's hair and begins to "dreamy eye" stare at me.  It's eyes go up and down my body darting hungrily like I'm that last chicken nugget in a 3rd lunch happy meal.  Then, it's eyes focus in on my cart, and sees colors that fats don't think foods should be.  Green and yellow are the colors of rotten foods to fats.  She looks visibly pained, and looks back to my face with hurtful eyes.  I realize I'm getting dangerously close to this thing trying to talk to me, or being crushed by the event horizon that is it's lingering BO.  So, I cut down a random aisle and check out.  No food is worth that shit. Story 2 - The child-like fat I'm at the local Wal-Mart, which is always a disappointment on every level.  My wife is waiting for medication so I wonder off to see what wonderful things I can find for my son.  He recently watched The Force Awakens and thought storm troopers were the coolest looking bad guys he's ever seen.  I decide to swing by Legos and see if I can find anything he might like.  As I'm browsing and trying to decide between a large Lego figure (like the bionicles figures) or smaller Lego figures I feel a disturbance I hadn't felt in at least several minutes.  A scootypuff has made it's way into the opposite end of the aisle.  Again I can't tell it's age but can guess from the floral mu-mu that it's femayo.  Circling the mobile gas giant is a mayo gendered planet of almost equal size.  This one quickly (believe it or not) darts around the cart touching everything it can reach on the shelves.   Like a satellite stuck in orbit in moves in ellipses around the scooter beast, never straying too far and constantly moving in circles.  The mayo is taller than me, so I can assume it is old enough to understand how to feed itself.  It continues to grab anything noisy and set it off.  I look back across my shoulder, visibly annoyed.  Instead of seeing a standard reaction of defense or anger I am again met with "dreamy eyes".  Holy shit, is this thing serious?  Femayo McBeetusBarge is staring at me with watery eyes and a smile.  I look back at the Lego packaging, wishing I too was now in a galaxy far far away.  I'm contemplating faster, because I hear the beast approaching me from behind.  The cart stops not ten feet behind me, and mayo sets off a Star Wars R2D2 board game thing that beeps and beeps and he just giggled away.   "Well", I think, "at least they should be out of this aisle soon."  I'm annoyed, but due to the impending circumstance of needing to deal with the general public for my chosen career I can't make a big scene and paint myself a local villain.  Then I'm met with a sound that drove out all of my hopes of being left in peace.  "OH LEGOS" screams mayo, standing almost directly behind me, as though this entire side of the aisle materialized in front of his fat, useless eyes.  "LOOK, MAH MUH!" he yelled, pulling a box from directly in front of me.  "OH, I like Star Wars!" She exclaimed.  OMFG, is this bitch serious right now.  I turn around and surely enough she's looking at me, and not a single thing on the shelf.  She grins and looks at a box near crotch level, then points mayo to it.  "Oh look at that one" she says.  I couldn't handle it anymore and walked away into electronics.  I gave myself a good 5-6 minutes to let them clear out, but instead when I return they're both still there.  She open mouth stares as I walk past the other end of the aisle.   Seriously, what. the. fuck.  I am not some golden icon of hotness or fitness.  I am an average looking guy who works out and would like to get a bodybuilder physique but is realistically a few years away from that.  Even if I were to that point, even if I were some Chris Hemsworth  level of eye candy, at what fucking point would I look at a rotting bag of doesn't even try and think "Hot damn, what a catch!"?  EDIT: some missing words/letters