Christmas Ham in Barnes & Noble My wife and I were out shopping today and we stopped at B&N to check out their toy section.  We picked up a pretty bitchin' build-a-fort thing for my boys. While I was browsing, my wife had to hit the RR.  She comes out, and she's like, "That was the rankest bathroom ever... there was this stink of an old moldy litterbox from the next stall.  There were some disgusting melted-ice-cream pasty fat cankles in the stall.  I wonder what that fat bitch looks like." As she's telling me this tale some fat old grandma gave us a bit of a stinkeye and I was grinning like an idiot. We get to the checkout, and my wife elbows me in the ribs and nods and she's like, "I knew it... it's the litterbox Tumblrina."  Sure enough, this Cheese Wedgelord monster of the deep waddled out of the store and into the nightmares of all whose nose or eyes lay afoul of ... it.   Wider than tall, tarped in Torrid, and crowned in a dopey weeaboo cat hood concealing a greasy multicolor rat's nest only Tumblr could mistake for hair, this unidentified walrus species duckwalked her way from the register to the exit in no fewer than sixty full seconds longer than it would take a human being. In other words, she was a fat cankle laden Tumblina fat ass piece of garbage cat litter bullshit fuck stick that we see every day here, but fortunately I rarely see in the wild.  We were afraid the hog behind the register would "accidentally" double swipe our card to spite us if my wife openly took out her daftly concealed professional wildlife photography equipment and started filming for NatGeo right here in the store or else I'd have pictures. Happy Holidays shitlords.