Fatty needs cake. I'm a joiner, I love my job but on some days.....Fuck my job. Today was one of those. So after eleven hours of trying to fit my drill into tight spaces from shitty angles and contorting my body in ways I didn't think I was capable of, I got to go home. But the Gods weren't done with me. I sat down on the train and just as we're about to leave the station a wild snorlax appeared and sat down next to me. It took a few attempts for her to squeeze her mass into the cramped seat, not helped by me manspreading like a motherfucker (I'm 6'5", mostly leg and it's the only way I can fit in those seats without the use of a chainsaw). As the train was pulling out, this thing reached into the Patisserie Valerie bag she was holding in her lap like an infant and pulled out a chocolate cake that would probably take me at least two sittings to finish if I was being a greedy bastard. She polished the whole thing off in the time it took the train to make it to the next stop (Victoria to Brixton, about seven minutes for those who give a shit) and as a final "fuck you /u/Murdoc_Niccals" from the Gods, she licked clean the cardboard base it came on. As I watched her commit this crime against humanity like some kind of traumatised cat, she looked at me and gave me one of those "teehee I'm sooooo bad" smiles which I returned with the ol' stone face. Thank fuck I had my earphones in so I didn't have to listen to any of this. That bag wasn't anywhere near empty either. She's probably eating her third cake as I type this. I fucking hate fat people. tl;dr See title.