My great uncle Jasper So. Yesterday I was expelled from my house by my great aunt Mary. I'm now living in my friend's house; after describing my disgusting piggy Great Aunt he let me in because he also knows firsthand how disgusting she is. Early in the morning, I was horrified to hear banging on the front door. I thought my family had caught up with me and was going to take me back to my stinking Great Aunt. When I nervously opened up the door I was confronted with a worse monstrosity. My great uncle Jasper. Great Uncle Jasper was known for having a -- let's say prickly personality. It's very easy for him to become enraged at small things. He's also morbidly obese, which is why I'm posting this. So when I opened up the door and saw the mountainous lump that was my great uncle Jasper, I immediately expected some kind of volcanic-level fury. And I got exactly what I expected. At this point Great Uncle Jasper was roaring unintelligbly. The fat on his face was flying around madly, obscuring his words to the point where I doubt anyone could understand them. Sweat dripped down his face. Fetid rotten onion breath blasted me in the face, making me cringe. After approximately ten seconds of this gobbledegook vomiting out of his mouth, he paused for a rest. I gathered my wits together, finally overcoming the paralyzing and intoxicating properties of Great Uncle Jasper's toxic onion breath. I slammed the door shut before he had a chance to wedge one of his rotting beetus feet in the frame, and I quickly locked all the locks. After another ten seconds or so, he regained his breath enough to continue babbling incoherently. Eventually there was a sentence that I could somewhat understand. With hindsight, it was probably something like "I'm gonna lean on this here door until you open it!". I was completely fine with that. After all he was probably incapable of waddling around to the back door, if my friend or I needed to exit the house for any reason. But no! The door began to creak ominously. Oh no, I thought. He's so fat he's going to break the door! Great Uncle Jasper started to notice the door collapsing. There were some scuffling as he struggled to regain a somewhat upright position. Unfortunately for both Great Uncle and I, he failed due to his extreme size. The door cracked in half horizontally. Great Uncle Jasper fell in, hitting his head violently upon the floor. Luckily I was not in the way! I would have been smashed easily. My friend was awoken by the noise. I quickly explained what happened, and he helped me to drag the huge pig outside. We had to drag him far off the property. Fortunately, Great Uncle Jasper probably scraped 1cm of meat off his back from the abrasion.