Its easy to know when my hammate is home My other two roommates (Slenderella and Norma as they’ve been called previously) are relatively quiet but very sweet girls who usually keep to themselves until we decide to have a roommate get-together about once a week. They come into the dorm pretty quietly, don’t disrupt anyone, and walk softly too (we live on the second floor and have hardwood, so footsteps can be loud if you aren’t careful). Hammate however is the complete opposite. I know when she’s home because she’s the only one who slams doors, blasts her shitty music/Vine compilation videos without using any headphones, and STOMPS ALONG THE FLOOR LIKE A BLOATED ELEPHANT. We’ve had a couple of the girls from downstairs come up and complain about the noise. At first I used to tell them I was sorry and we’d try to be more careful, but now I’ve started telling them the truth; that there’s only one beast up here that stomps along the floor and that’s Hammate.  My room is right next to the front door. I leave my door open so my roommates always feel welcome to talk to me/hang out/whatever. As such, I’m the self-proclaimed “gate-keeper” for our dorm. Whenever someone knocks I’m the one who answers it. I also subconsciously keep track of when my roommates come and go so I know where they are in case of emergency. I don’t even have to look out of my room to know that Hammate’s the one coming or going. Not only does she open and slam the door as loudly and forcefully as possible and stomp her way to her room across mine, but the stairwell to our dorm shifts and bangs when she climbs it.  I repeat: The STEEL AND CONCRETE stairwell shifts, groans, bangs, and struggles against her enormous weight stampeding up and down its frame. One of these days that thing is going to come down and I can only hope that Hammate is the only casualty.