Updates on the butterhuffer roommate: Hammy has a crush on a shitlord. So I've been living with the butterhuffer for about 2 weeks now, and it seems like she'll be my permanent roommate.           A lot of people left comments on my last post about moving out of the room, but long story short: I can't.  But anyways, I've been being cordial to the pig, I don't want to live in a world of drama. One of my other 2 suite mates get along good with her, neither of them have many friends so it makes since they'll cling to the other.      From here on out we'll call the pig C.       Thursday nights on this campus are big party nights, but last Thursday my friend and I didn't really feel like going out, so we had people over. I invited my fellow shitlady friend and some guy friends of ours - they're all wicked good looking and I know at least 2 of them are shitlords. My suite mates also invited a few of their friends, and they invited C to feel free to join us.      I'd been hooking up with one of the shitlords coming over so I decided to dress pretty sexy in the hopes of sleeping in someone else's room that night; and thought it'd be hilarious to see if my outfit would trigger C. I was wearing a tight black dress with cut outs on the sides and and a deep neckline.  And of course fatty decided to comment on it.      "Why do you dress so revealing and wear so much makeup?" It huffed at me. Keep in mind that it's idea of dressing nicely was a pair of worn out leggings, stretched so thin I wanted to vomit; and a long sleeve white shirt with grease stains on it.    As much as I would've loved making that pig cry ham tears, saying something along the lines of how she'll never look this good and couldn't even dream of pulling this outfit off with all those rolls, I thought a crying ham in the other room might put a damper on things. So I ignored her.    "And you know what I told you about heels, guys don't like tall girls." She added when I was putting on some heels. I had to bite my tongue so hard I almost drew blood, but I was not going to ruin everyone's night. For all I know the hammy would call a noise complaint to the Campus Police if she was that bitter. So I dropped it, for now.           Don't worry folks, I promise this long-ass post still has some fantastic shitlording to come.      About 30 minutes later myself and my shitlady friend were in the common room pregaming with my suite mates, another good female friend of mine, and hammy. Hammy asked who was coming over, and someone listed the handful of people invited over. When someone listed the names of the shitlord I've been hooking up with she blushed and "tee-heed" and said she had a bit of a crush on him. This was golden, I texted said shitlord and told him. After he was done getting over how disgusting it was, he agreed we should mess her with her tonight.         Most of the night was filled with the room packed with drunk college kids, everyone dancing on each other. I went in my room to grab another bottle and saw hammy just sitting on her bed eating, I didn't even acknowledge her and left.       At about 1:30 in the morning people started filtering out, except for friends. There was about 10ish people there. Including myself and my 2 suite mates there were various people we were all friends with, and the shitlord guy hammy had a crush on as well 3 other good looking guys and the ham decided to join us at that point.      We were playing a game that someone came up with, it was a twisted version of truth or dare. You automatically get a dare to start with - if you don't do the dare you have to answer 5 truths. Sometimes the dares are intense, sometimes someone just uses a dare to their advantage. For example the shitlord guy I was with/hammy had a crush on dared me to sit on his lap for the entire game. Which made butterball mad.      When it was my turn, I dared the shitlord (we'll call him D from now on), and when he declined he had to answer the 5 truths. I asked him if he liked tall girls and shot a look at hammy.    "Of course, I like tall girls, I won't date anyone under 5'6." He answered; he's about 6'4, so it makes since. And hammy is pushing 5'2, so she was pissed about that. His other 4 truths ended up just being a list of 4 deal breakers when it comes to dating. The first 3 were common things like needing good sense of humor, being a nice person, and being smart. But his last one was that he wouldn't date anyone fat. I laughed and asked him why.     "If I can't lift you and push you against the wall to kiss you, what's even the point. Plus, there are some great sex positions that you need to be in shape to do." Everyone agreed with him, except hammy of course. She left the room and went to her bedroom. No one batted an eye or followed her, we just kept playing.      The game somehow transformed into dare or strip. Do your dare or lose a piece of clothing. D kept whimping out on his dares and ended up in his underwear. Hammy was still in her room - probably crying into a bag of chips - so I dared him to go in there and see how flustered he could make her.     He left the door open so we could hear the conversation. He walked in there and she instantly told him the she really liked him. I have no idea what delusional things she was thinking, but all D said was "This was a dare. Don't you remember my list of deal breakers?" And left.      Everyone was almost in tears laughing. We ended the night there and people started heading out. Everyone was gone besides D, we went into my room so I could grab my coat and purse. Hammy asked me where I was going so late, I told her I was going the spend the night at D's.      As we were leaving she called me a slut under her breath, D barged back into the room.      "Excuse fucking you. We've been hooking up and on/off together for a while now. So this is far from a one night stand. When I walked in here in my underwear for a dare you practically threw your doughy self at me. Thank god you didn't actually throw yourself at me, you'd probably crush me. And don't you remember my checklist, you don't meet any of those marks, and she does."      Hammy was triggered to the moon and back by that. My suite mate texted me the next morning and told me that Hammy was pissed at D. She's not mad at me at all, she's worried for me because she thinks I'm in an abusive relationship with D. She's fucking crazy and jealous as fuck. It's great.  Sorry this got so long! Also, since we were hit by the snow storm I've been snowed in with this butterhuffer for 2 days now. It's been awful, but I'm been comparing the difference in what we eat. It's astounding.     I'm procrastinating finishing writing a paper so I'll either write up and post that list tonight or tomorrow.