Musical Mayo Guzzlers Typically my day is gloriously free of fattery, I see mostly fit moms when I drop my kid at school.  There are gas giants of course, one cannot escape their gravitational pull.  Their orbits must be pretty slow because I rarely witness them.  The other night I went to a local musical, though...good god.  It was 2.5hrs of the downfall to obesity.  Show opens: obeast singing.  FML I think, is this gross hog going to have a large part? Chorus girls enter.  I'm immediately drawn to a spherical object in the back - mouth in the middle of the "face," beady pig eyes, bedecked in teenage tarp fashion.  When the entire ensemble is on stage a whole 3 out of 12 are still human.  I see blue hair, purple hair, orange hair, feminist AF shirts, problem glasses.  I can't stop grimacing at this real time nightmare, luckily my disgust is guaranteed visible to them in the second row. The star of the show has a rockin' bod, her love interest would make Brodin proud.  Who does the star fall for, though? Some weird concoction of atrophied dadbod to the extreme.  This mayo had the pasty, basement dwelling gamer look to a T - not a single distinguishable muscle, thin limbs with a gigantic, squishy almost fupa.  His soft gut protruding through every scene he was in was so repulsive.  The Brodin exchanged for a Mayo is simultaneously every fat girl's dream in reverse/their actual reality - the guy who will love you for you is a gross calorie rapist.  Oh, and after Gorgeous McPerfectTits, Brodin pursued Bitchface Fativist 25 going on 50.  I felt so bad for Brodin in a freeze scene he had to keep his forehead locked with hers for several minutes.  I can't imagine the smells and grease he endured. At some point all the extras had to jump rope so I got to watch the Humpty Dumpty teenager huff and puff and all the other smallfats fuck up Jumping 101.  You could see Humpty concentrating with all her piggy might to barely get her feet off the ground.  They had a three story prop and her fat ass was always relegated to the bottom floor.  Throughout the show, extras are supposed to keep their faces in reaction mode but that dumpster fire can't think past a bag of Doritos so she constantly looked bored.  I'm positive she's not over 20 but she's definitely long past 200. It was hilarious watching a dance routine when they were placed next to a human.  The complete lack of range of motion is so glaringly obvious.  They can't crouch, barely bend, everything is at 50% all the time.   They casted a smallfat as a fitness instructor. The only part they got right was the obnoxious, third-wave feminist.  I'm positive her "costumes" were the only ones from her own closet.   What I really can't stand is even the trace amount of humans that are left are blind fat sympathizers. My friends were talking about how much they enjoyed the show and gleefully asking what I thought.  I can't get lost in a show where a gorgeous girl falls in love with pregnant dough.   I don't know what world I'm living in that a 400lb monstrosity could be cast to do a dance number.   Tl;dr those purple dancing hippos