Spotting the CPAP sleepers When I'm out, I like to walk around judging all the fat people constantly, thinking about how much better the world would be without them, and wondering how much more my insurance is because I'm supporting their lack of self control. In the middle of all this, I also like to try to figure out which ones can't sleep without a CPAP due to the enormous amount of fat around their necks. People all hoard fat in different ways (personally, my favorite way to hoard fat is by taking the minimalist approach), so some of them will just have massively wide asses that make you wonder how they can even fit into the rear bench seat of a Suburban, with very little more than a double chin up top. Others will have smaller asses, with huge apple bodies, and necks that look like balloons filled with Jell-O. These are the one that I know can't sleep. They snore, they choke, they have insomnia. Without a CPAP, they literally wouldn't make it through the next night. It's a shame someone invented those damn devices.