Birthday Ham Bashing... This actually happened yesterday, but I'm posting it today 'cause it's my birthday (I'm turning 35)... I was at the store getting some supplies for my small get together with my Mom and Grandma today... I picked out a Red Velvet Cake from the Bakery... I go to select a checkout line and nearly had a heart attack... Every single cashier was a fucking Ham... I picked the least fat one and put all my groceries onto the conveyor belt... There are 2 people in front of me, but this fat fucking chunkster is eyeing my cake the entire time she's dealing with them... She was about 5'3" and about 200 lbs... She(?) finally finishes the 2 people in front of me, and then starts on my stuff... As she scans the cake, she says "This looks delicious... I could eat the whole thing..."... Here's some info: This cake is about 6 inches tall, and 11 inches in diameter... It's enough for at least 6, and possibly 8 people... I looked her(?) dead in the eye and said "Yeah, I can tell..."... She had that look of someone who just got told they're going to lose their foot to Lord Beetus... A buttery tear formed in her eye as she finished checking me out... After I paid and picked up my groceries, I turned to her and said "Fat, fucking Hambeast" and walked out... I made a Hambeast cry for my birthday... I'm smiling now just thinking about it...