''I can't wipe properly because I'm fat. How do I focus on mobility without weight loss?'' Or: why fat fucks trigger (lol) my eating disorder For context: I'm trying to find some online spaces that are supportive in eating disorder recovery or that generally promote a sane, healthy attitude towards eating and food, without a constant focus on restriction and weight loss, or any other ''obsession'' (food purity of whatever kind, weird lifestyles etc) but just on sane living and eating and healthy body acceptance. (including the occasional snack) But instead, fats take up so much space that I am pushed out. It's only now that I even dare to talk about my eating-disordered past (the worst of it ended like 7 years ago but some struggles remain). And the crap I see all the time is mind-boggling. Someone who gained a ton in a short period of time and who was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes: ''How do I let go of the restrictive diet mindset? Other than the diabetes I'm completely healthy!'' (the obesity isn't a health concern to them, and apparently diabetes isn't a huge health scare but a minor concern) Think about it: a doctor literally recently told them that they have a lifestyle disease, undoubtedly caused by many years of having the self-control of a toddler locked up overnight in a candy shop, and instead of it being a dire warning about the road they're on, they're just trying to feel less guilty about their horrid food choices.   Another one who says they have fucking mobility issues due to weight, who can't even properly wipe, (HELLO!!!) asks how they can improve mobility without a focus on weight loss....! And replies are like ''thin people have mobility issues too!'' I'm at a loss for words. Others want to focus on accepting their gross obesity and believe that restricting themselves got them so fat to begin with, and that they just need to give themselves permission to eat ''properly''. (aka: all the candy bars) I want to scream. If anything, these people desperately need to restrict, eat healthy and lose weight! There're so many of them, and they're fucking delusional! Why do they clog up anorexia-recovery/non-restrictive eating spaces like they clog up their arteries?!  It often takes those with restrictive eating disorders a lot of courage to be willing to change their mindset and to actually talk about it and open up. Why is it so hard to find a balanced space? Not focused on weight loss and fatness (everything revolves around weight loss as so many people are fat), but just on healthy eating, without it being a space that fats use to go ''restriction is bad and unnecessary, I should totally eat 3 large pizzas for dinner to restore a healthy relationship with food!!!'' ? The invasion feels as grotesque and distorted as their bodies, and it actually triggers me. (yes, I use that word, sue me) Why can't we have even one thing that doesn't get completely ruined by their weaponized lack of control? Literally and figuratively, they can't keep themselves contained to their appropriate spaces. Like copious mounds of blubber spilling over other people's airplane seats, they just can't leave such spaces alone. No. They need to be ruined and abused as yet another excuse to order those chicken wings.  So while I am sitting here, deciding that rationally, I should stay at my current low-normal BMI even though I feel like I should lose weight, some fatso somewhere types about how they have difficulty waddling and wiping their butt and how they should stop ''restricting''. Others wheezingly type with their sausage fingers that the overly-present focus on weight loss is not good for people in response. (this should be aimed at those who struggle to not get underweight, NOT at those who're so fat that they have difficulty waddling around due to being so fat!)  The thing is-- I wanted to move away from anorexia-focused spaces, (as in, anorexia recovery, anorexia this, anorexia that....) and just talk about healthy and balanced living for those who don't need to diet and who just want to live life in a happy way. I want to move forward and think of it in a positive way. (yeah, the ''nourishing'' crap, thinking in such terms actually helps me. But of course-- most ''people'' using that word weigh as much as a walrus and most definitely don't ''nourish'' themselves) I guess that the reality-grounded, positive space I seek is not really possible though, as all these conversations are dominated by obese losers who think that feeling bad about their horrendous body is not the logical consequence of overeating like a mr. Creosote from Monty Python, but from ''diet culture'' and the ''diet industry''. Fuck.