Make sure you add a "Lose 30 pounds your first two weeks!" and then in super small (like 6-8pt text) add "*results may vary and you're an idiot if you think you'll actually drop 30 pounds that fast" or something like that. Keep the shitlording really subtle so they don't notice it until several months in.  Black matte/suede paper packaging, rose gold foil stamped text and images, fancy logo. Go something a little Kardashiany and you're set.