Porkeretta gets busted at the office eating 2 doughnuts in less than an hour I have a really awesome job where I can come in pretty much any time I want. I roll in this morning at 10am and there is a repairman in the doorway with a ladder. I have to walk the long way around to get to my office. Good thing I don't have any condishuns so don't mind the extra 30 seconds of exercise. :) While walking by the kitchen I see her: PORKERETTA - hovering in front of the box of doughnuts. She reaches in and grabs what appears to be a maple glazed ball of lard doughnut and her eyes glisten with glee and joy. I make eye contact with her, then walk by, disgusted. She's about 5"4-5"5 and about 200 lbs, 40's, caucasian, brown hair, frumpy looking. Fat as fuck. Not even an hour later (it's just before 11am now), I go to the kitchen to fill up my 800ml bottle of water and Porkeretta is there again! She tries to flash me a conspiratorial smile, as she goes into the box for another doughnut. I give her a look and it must have parlayed the disgust in my mind, and she pulls her hand away! SUCCESS! Not so fast, shitlady! It seems Porkeretta just wants to have good manners. She reaches behind me for a napkin and goes for it - her second doughnut (that I saw).. I turn my back as I can't watch it. I notice there is an empty box of doughnuts in the garbage and they're already on the second box. Sick. I'm pretty sure she'll be back for more. Until they're gone. TL;DR: Porkeretta consumes two doughnuts in less than one hour. I wonder how this is possible.