Fathletes crush 5K on Thanksgiving day I've waited to tell this story from Thanksgiving because every time I tried to write it, I became enraged.  On Thanksgiving morning at 7:50 a.m., I left to drive three hours to my hometown. I gave myself plenty of time so that I could help my mom with finishing a few things.  I had made it about ten miles down the road when I come across a 5K turkey trot "race." I am literally blocked in and can't go anywhere. (Side note, thanks city for not notifying anyone of the upcoming road closure on Thanksgiving day!)  I spoke to the cop in the intersection and he said he would let me know when I could cut through, which I've done a lot thanks to my town having a million charity races. He also warned if I cut across before he allowed, I would get a $300 ticket.  By this time, it is about 8 a.m. The race has just started and the real runners are already crossing the intersection since it is in the first part of the course.  As I'm sitting at the intersection watching the participants, I see fit people first, fit people with dogs or strollers second and so on.  I start getting a little impatient because it's 8:10 and I want to get across to keep driving. About 8:15 or so I see a gap and think, "Awesome! I'm about to go." Oh, how wrong was I.  The cop for whatever reason didn't wave me through and I'm not paying a $300 ticket.  Then I realize why I wasn't waved through. The first wave of small fats in tutus descends on the intersection. Every single one of them stop and get water from the water station nearby. As time stretches so does the pants of the waddlers.  When a fat ass with blue hair wearing black leggings, tutu, race shirt and a fucking turkey hat stops in front of my car to catch her breath, it was 8:35. I parked my car and spoke to the cop. I begged him to stop the runners for just a few seconds so we could cut across the intersection. I was nearly in tears because I'm impatient and the fats are making me late.  He said, "But what about (the runners') time." Since he was actually fit I said, "Look at them. They just wanted to take photos for Instagram and get the shirt. They don't care!" He laughed and said ok.  When he finally let me through, I noticed the fats he held up were drinking Starbucks. I'm not even joking. Furthermore, they looked so put out for having to stop. Just kidding, they took a selfie.  TLDR: My city allows a race to block holiday traffic and fathletes make it so much worse.