Personal Finance - A Tale of Two Chubs. Today I had to travel about an hour and a half to receive training for my job in personal finance. It was a day designed to include around 20 people from around the state all doing the same job in different stores. I thought having to fuck around with public transport all day would be the worst part of this experience. Alas, as I arrived, my gunt-detector started beeping angrily as its sensory needles were pushed to their limits.  I surveyed the room and located the fupa-loompas. They had grouped together to form a herd much like grazing wildebeest. I tried to ignore the smell of spaghettios and diabeetus as we began training, and tried to telepathically express my sympathy to the chair she was bending and covering in thigh marinade.  During the training, our instructor encouraged us to contribute our own knowledge and experiences from our jobs. I began to notice that the largest of the whale colony kept speaking out of turn, over the top of other people and then speaking to the other whales instead of listening to others experiences. She was desperately trying to get the instructors approval by demonstrating her vast knowledge on the topic but in fact got around 60-70% of her answers wrong anyway, causing her third chin to glisten with nervous cheese flavoured sweat.  This happened throughout the entire 9-5 training session. Her mouth was pressed so tightly to the instructors anus for the bulk of the day I was sure she was going to suck out his insides with the force of a spacecraft re-entering orbit (quite possibly her own orbit) and eat them. The only time she removed her leech like suction was to bleat out mindless words of agreement such as "yep", "absolutely" and "you're so right", further interrupting the training session.  By the end of the day I had been fantasising about pushing her heinous self down the flight of stairs to the front of the building, but instead I just scaled the stairs right past her, showing off my thin privilege of being able to navigate a staircase without needing to stop halfway for a double cheeseburger and a diet coke. She glared accordingly and I walked my able-bodied self the fuck outta there.  Another microwin against chubs today. I study Animal Studies part time with the intention of working in animal rescue one day. I was told last week by my steamroller pork rind of a teacher that it would be impossible for me to get into the course I wanted to apply for next year based on the fact that I hadn't done work placement in a vet clinic this year, which is allegedly a requirement, and she had forgotten to tell the class this information, and we had all already completed our work placement for the year (teehee).  I received an email this afternoon telling me I had indeed gotten into my course, was a first round approved student and would be starting next February. Feeling pretty proud.  Eat shit, fatties.