Fat thief tells a joke. To be honest it didn't so much tell a joke as live it right in front of me. I got home from work just now and I have a short story about a fat ham stealing a bag of potato chips. So it's almost closing time and I am near one of our two exits facing up a display, making sure things look good for tomorrow. I notice a female  standing pretty close to the doors holding a bag of chips. I usually don't pay much attention to customers near closing because I have lots of stuff to do but this ham caught my eye, I mean it would have been nearly impossible not to notice because it was at least 300 lbs of shame. I walked around a tall display for a moment then checked back and sure enough I saw it heading through the exit. I follow it into the parking lot and once I'm within earshot I ask if it has a receipt for the bag of chips. It says "No, I don't, my husband does he's still in the store." So I'm pretty cynical and I actually believed someone would marry such a disgusting creature, I asked it if it was sure, it told me to go look for him. So instead I started writing down her license plate number. Sure enough as I was heading back inside I turn around and see it driving off, alone. I grinned quite a bit watching it leave. You gotta wonder how pathetic a life it must have if it's stealing 2.50$ bags of chips. As a bonus apparently there was a human sized middle aged lady behind me during the whole thing, she came back into the store just to give me her license plate if I didn't already write it down. I wouldn't say it made me any less cynical, but I was happy to see someone do such a thing regardless. Moral of the story, always be suspicious of fat middle aged women. Middle aged women in general are pretty bad for stealing, but if they're fat too chances are you're looking at a waste of human flesh, ready to leech off anything it can.