So this guy walks into the bar... And by guy I mean the sub-human barrel that might have been a man at one point. Probably 5'8"? 200lbs+, not huge, but not in shape with more than just a rotund beer gut, but round everything, especially the face.  Sits his fat ass next to me (me and my guy friend being the only two in the bar). Makes a few small comments about the goings on of downtown.  Eventually starts chatting me up. Like not quite hitting on me, but obviously too friendly to be talking to a stranger. I'm polite and obliging since my friend is trying to get the bartenders number and it's looking good so I take one for the team.  Fattymcgee is; -a decade older than me -dead beat dad to 2 kids (by two different women, in 2 other states) -is attending the local community college (nothing against community college, but he was humble bragging about it like it's fucking Harvard) -a kinesiology major (lol) -hopes to work with professional athletes Now I don't wanna toot my own horn here, but just for reference i'm easily a 10/10 where I live in the land of betus. I'm wayyyy out of this guys league in every possible aspect (particularly the me being human aspect).  Shit I even had better tastes in beer (local IPA vs fucking budlight; who goes to a bar and orders a budlight when the local brews are on special?) Here's the best part. I'm about 3 beers into the night (pretty tipsy at my size), so the conversation gets fuzzy. Somehow he brings up not knowing people in the area. Asking me what bars I go to. What nights I'll be out. Implying he wants to see me again, but not outright asking me. He starts to mention being out of a relationship, not looking to jump into another one, but I seem really cool.... and I shut. him. down. Like "bruh, are you serious? lolololololol" and here's where it gets fucking gold. He had asked me earlier if I was with the guy I was drinking with and I said "no" so he knew I was single. so he gets confused, like obviously all girls want is a man so if I don't have one why would I turn such a stud away? And lets not forget I spoke to him, so clearly I must want his dick? That's how women work right? So he starts like... selling himself. He mentions that obviously we have great chemistry (?!??!?!) and he has great qualities...qualities that I might enjoy in a "friend" and im like "oh? really? like what? a 12inch dick?"  and he laughs, says "nahh, but it is above average'" and I don't even know how to describe my face at this point, but he holds his hands out and spreads them about a foot and a half apart (seriously) and tried telling me it's about "yay big, 8 or 8 1/2 inches. " At this point I'm just laughing. Like tipsy giggling. My friend has noticed and must have heard me say something about "lol not a fucking chance. Are you serious? Me? and you? You think I'd want to be your.....fuck buddy? hahahaha!" We end up leaving this bar (this was all the 4th of july weekend) and this guy has been immortalized in our group as "that 8 inch dick guy". And now I want him immortalized on fph, because that was probably the funniest thing that's ever happened to me in a bar.