Loose Cows in the Dancehall My uncle once told me a story of how he and a friend caught a heifer and snuck it in the backdoor of a bar, and of the ensuing ruckus when people realized what was happening. I had a similar experience the other night. A friend was taking a break up hard; so another friend and I took him out to forget about her in the nearest Honky-Tonk (Okie, it's what we have) We milled about, having a few drinks, chatting up a few clusters of decent enough girls, getting a dance or two. While I took a break and sipped my beer, I started to take in the scenery. There were old drunks and cowboys aplenty, but what struck me the most was a group of these 250-something pound, 5'3", smooth-cheeked yahoos in cargo shorts with frosted tips loudly calling out to an attractive woman. My first thought was "Those guys look like pre-diabetic teenagers, someone should check their ID closer." But then, I took a second glance and realized... Those weren't guys at all. They were something that at one time would have been considered female, but now looked like a date rapist from the 2000's. Taking all their fashion cues from Guy Ferry and Steve Harwell, they were attempting to (unsuccessfully) woo a few of the slimmer women into dancing with them. I couldn't look away. I watched them ply several ladies with beers, then I made a second realization.  It was ladies night. These bovines came to drink for free, get a girl drunk for free, and then go home to do god knows what with them. I left with the same feeling of disgust and amusement that I'm sure people felt that night they saw a cow loose in the bar. TL;DR - Couldn't tell if bipedal Holsteins in bar were steers or heifers