Hams almost ruin my trip to the beautiful Natural Bridge. This happened yesterday. My shitlord boyfriend and I are both college students. So during the summer we are apart from each other as he has to go back home to help his dad out. When we do get to see each other, it's always really exciting. We try to pick places to go that enable us to meet in the middle. This time, I picked the Natural Bridge in Kentucky. I've never been before and he only went once as a small child. It was going to be a 90 degree day and I was already planning all of our activities. One problem came up. Whenever someone asked me about my trip or if I mentioned it to them, everybody would begin to moan and drone on about how hard the hike was. All I heard left and right were people telling me to take the skylift because the hike was really hard and none of them were able to finish it. I was getting a little nervous and called my boyfriend. He said that his (fat) parents said the same thing but he was just going to do it anyway because I was so excited. I finally get home and am eating dinner when I ask my shitlord roommate if he had ever been and if I should do the skylift or the hike. In my mind the hike was now this horrendous 20 mile trek through mud and snake pits by the way these people described it. My roommate looked at me with this WTF face and said "Do the hike. The whole point of the natural bridge is to do the hike and get that awesome feeling of finally reaching the top and seeing the view."  That really is my favorite part of hiking, so when my boyfriend called me later that night I told him what my roommate said. It was my boyfriend then who acknowledged the one common denominator of all of the people who said the hike would be hard. FAT. All of them were hams. My muscular gay roommate was the only one who said to do the hike. He did it as a little kid and had no problem. These were all grown adults telling us they were unable to do it! Anyway, enough rambling about that. We get to the Natural bridge and follow the signs to the mouth of the original trail. We end up about 2 miles away from the skylift. We're still expecting this to be a pretty long hike. Nope. We get there and the sign at the entrance reads "1 mile". One. fucking. mile. We got all worked up over one mile. What's even more pathetic? The trail had been made extremely easy by wood and some gravel, etc. There were also benches and gazebos like every 500 feet. Few upsides of it were that it was a constant incline the whole way. My phone's health app said it was about 45 flights of stairs, but it was in my backpack so I'm not sure how accurate that is. The weather was gorgeous though, and the scenery was very impressive. We didn't pass a single ham going up. The only fatties we passed were some obeasts waddling back down about 1/5th of the way up with their two children. Pretty much everyone else we passed were fit, including several elderly couples making the trek. One of which had to stop a few times for her bad knee, but she still made it to the top dammit! When we are nearing the top, there is only one more little path to the bridge. It's a fat man's squeeze, otherwise known as a shitlord's dream. In the area right before the fat man's squeeze are about 5 fat girls. Not full on planet status, but I would guess at least two were about 5'4 and 185 lbs. We asked if they were about to go up the shitlord stairs and through the squeeze and they all replied no. They were all saying something like "We're just going to enjoy this (tree covered) view from here. No need to try and fit through that!"  It was pathetic. My boyfriend and I just shook our head and headed up the little stairs and passed easily through the squeeze. We had one final little trek up and then we were at the top. The view was absolutely stunning. It was enough eyebleach for days to come. We spent about 20 minutes there and then decided to walk/hike the narrow little path around to the other side of the mountain/hill. It took about maybe 10-15 minutes, and only because we stopped to offer water to the elderly lady resting her knee. We finally reached the other side to discover the skylift. The skylift is basically like a ski-lift, and my boyfriend was the first to point out that the crowd around the skylift was much different than those on the trails. He put it in much nicer terms than I. I wanted to just blurt out that they were all obese. It took one family forever to get to the top via skylift because some of them were such planetary monsters, only one could fit on the bench/they were too heavy to ride together. Those benches should be enough for two adults and a child to sit. We decide to just go around them and continue on to see the lover's leap. The walk from the skylift to the leap took about 5 minutes at the most. It's beautiful and we spend at least 25 minutes sitting there, talking, and taking in the view. We had been there about 15 minutes when the hamily waddles up behind us. The mother is shrieking at her kids who are running around frantically, and very close to the edge. They spend about 3-5 minutes before turning around and leaving. We wait a little while so we don't have to run into them on the trail back, then leave. The only problem is that our plans are foiled because about 2 minutes into the walk we run into the hamily again, panting and resting! They tell us to go on around them. When we reach the other side, I ask my boyfriend if we can ride the skylift back down. I've never been on one before and was sure the view would be cool (it was).  The fatties behind us eventually showed up and immediately claimed every bench within the near vicinity. The grandparents of the group (also the least fat) ask why they are sitting down and say they want to walk over to the natural bridge. The mom ham insists that they are all very tired and don't want to walk over there. They were content with just looking at it from lover's leap. It's like a 10 minute walk!!!! They paid $13 each to ride up on the skylift! To walk five minutes to see a view, and then go back down without even seeing the bridge!!! Then some hams overheard us  talking about the skylift and said something along the lines of "I can't believe you two hiked up here! I would take the skylift back down too." My boyfriend just rolled his eyes and said "Well, actually it would be quicker for us to go down the one mile back to where our car is. If we take the skylift we have to walk about 2 miles to get back to our car." At the end of the lift was a giftshop. We went inside so I could buy a postcard. The hamily showed up after us. They bought a pound of peanut butter fudge.