Here we go:  Condense it down to the fph and it's a great story. DL,DR: Colossal mayobeast steals op and his gfs expensive seats for a show. Ham gets mad, makes the gf cry, but eventually leaves. Gf starts cleaning the seats... oh shit they're covered in fatass poo/sweat mixture! Oh double shit, now it's on both their faces! The couple goes to puke and clean themselves. Once they get back, well surprise, the ham is once again sitting in their now poo water covered seats. Security is called and they manage to block the butterball from escaping. Cops are called next. The ham fakes a seizure and rolls over a cops foot. Ham is arrested. Everyone who's witnessed this fiasco is just too nauseated to continue being there and leaves. Show manager apologies and gives the couple free tickets, room service at their hotel and some other stuff. Everyone except ham is well. Bonus: ham fakes having a seizure when the cops tried to grapple her. She promptly confessed her deed as the ambulance arrived, as she couldn't afford the hospital costs. The hospital shitlords choose to run some tests on her to make sure she's OK, despite being well aware she faked the seizure. This makes the ham go mad, she attempts to kill herself, which is very hard when you're too fat to move and have no weapons. The fat is hauled off to the psych ward. The end.