Anniversary of Taconic Parkway Crash: "There's Something Wrong with Aunty Ham" Today is the 8 year anniversary of the Taconic Parkway Crash. For those that don't know, it involves this ham and her ham husband: Piggy Diane Schuler Piggy's fat husband Daniel Schuler So the Schuler's were camping with their kids and their nieces. Diane's son was 2 at the time and daughter was 5. The Nieces were aged 8, 7 and 5. They took two vehicles to the campsite, Daniel Schuler in his own vehicle, Diane in a red minivan with the 5 children. The incident occurred on July 26, 2009. 9:30 AM: Diane and the 5 children leave the campsite in the red minivan. Husband Daniel leaves alone with dog, truck and RV. 10:00 AM: Ham of course stops for McDonald's Beetus and at a gas station. According to employees at these locations, she appears sober. ~10:30 AM: Diane decides to start drinking a handle of Absolut Vodka and smoke some pot with the kids in the car. 11:00 AM: Several witnesses saw the vehicle aggressively tailgating, flashing lights, honking the horn, moving in and out of lanes and straddling two lanes.  11:45 AM: Witnesses saw Diane on the side of the road with her hands on her knees as if vomiting. She is seen again this same position by another witness in another location a few minutes later.  1:00 pm: One of Schuler's nieces called her father and said Diane was disoriented and 'having trouble seeing'. The father told Diane to stop driving. For an unknown reason she left the phone on a barricade near the toll booth of Tappan Zee Bridge. 1:33 PM: Two witnesses called 911 to report a red van traveling the wrong way up an exit ramp onto the Taconic Parkway. Within the next minute, 4 more calls were placed to 911 reporting the van driving the wrong way down the parkway at approximately 85 mph.  1:35 PM: The van traveled south in the northbound lane for 1.7 miles before colliding head-on with another vehicle at 1:35 PM. Outcome: Schuler, her daughter and two nieces were pronounced dead at the scene. The third niece later died in hospital. The three occupants of the other vehicle were killed as well. The children did not appear to be buckled in and the young ones were not in car seats. The only survivor was the 2 year old son, but he was injured and went through a lengthy recovery process. Of course the ham husband came out with some hammy bullshit about Diane being "muh perfect wife and mother" and claimed that the toxicology report was wrong. It was found that she had a BAC of 0.19% and had smoked marijuana as soon as 15 minutes before the crash. There was also 6 grams of undigested alcohol in the stomach and a smashed empty bottle of Absolut was found in the wreckage as soon as witnesses opened the door.  Another toxicology test was performed that reached the same conclusion. Instead of accepting this fact, ham decides to make up lame excuses like "maybe the contents of her stomach heated up in the crash and became alcohol" and "maybe she had a toothache so in order to numb the pain she downed an entire bottle of Absolut!" This ham husband lies about the incident constantly. I feel bad for the surviving kid who has to wear eye-patch and has brain damage because of his selfish mom. Graphic NSFW: Picture of dead ham after accident The incident was also the subject of the HBO Documentary: "There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane". TL;DR: Selfish ham gets drunk and high with car full of kids and ends up causing one of the worst automotive tragedies in West Chester County NY, since 1934. Fatty killed  8 people (4 of which were children) and injured 3 more, all because of poor impulse control and an inability to delay gratification.