Fatties at Yoga - they ruin everything love hot yoga - it's my happy place, and I do it on almost a daily basis. However peaceful practicing yoga may be, there is one aspect I cannot repress hatred for - the fatties coming with hopes of rapid weight loss. I will hopefully (should this be enjoyable to you) be updating with stories weekly, because nearly every class has one. For this one time, please excuse the long intro. Some quick background info: Most schools offer the '10 for 10 first timer' deal, meaning you pay $10, and you get a pass for 10 classes with the one stipulation that you have one month to use them. This is an incredible deal if you take even slight advantage of it, so when the community mailer goes out every month, there is a massive influx of fatties coming into the studio to try and 'easily shed off those extra pounds.' I've been doing it for years, and I'm the first one to tell you that hot yoga will get you in amazing shape, but it really only works if you are in decent shape to start out with. It will burn fat if you do the poses right, pushing yourself to the absolute limit, stay mindful with your breathing, and absolutely not resting or leaving during the class. Basically, fit girls/guys get fitter with yoga added to their life, fatties just stay the same. Also, (in layman's terms) hatha yoga is a static,  hold-your-pose type of yoga, and power yoga is a fluid, body weight exercise, more athletic type yoga. Both are done in rooms heated between 95 and 105 degrees Fahrenheit - this info will be pertinent to my tales. Now onto the fatties... First Scenario: The 'Veteran' There is one tubbette who had been to almost every class with me the last few weeks, and she's not obese, but she's unquestionably overweight by 50 pounds or more. She's kind of short and I'm bad at guessing weight on short people. I was super early that day, so everyone was talking in the lobby (mailers just came out Oct 15th, lots of 10 for 10 whales). Three of them, including the aforementioned tubette were discussing hot yoga and weight loss. Claiming to be a yoga veteran, she tells the other two that she's been doing yoga for three years and she's never noticed any substantial weight loss... I was confused... Even the fat ones will lose 20 pounds if they are going as regularly as she is - I've seen her there a ton! Now, I don't usually pay attention to anyone else in class because it's my hour to focus on myself, but this time I vowed to pay attention to her and see what in the hell she was doing during that hour in the sweatbox. This was a 65 minute Hatha class. Shitpeople - you would need to take maybe two or three Hathas before you were somewhat used to the heat, and you'd be able to do the full class at its most basic level without resting or laying down on your mat. Two, or three MAX. Anyways, we are through the first two poses, and I look over - GUESS WHO IS FUCKING LAYING DOWN ON HER MAT IN CHILD'S POSE, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. The 'veteran yogi.' Jesus christ. Three poses later, she's back up. One pose later, laying back on the ground! This happened back and forth all class. You know that in her head she tells herself that she went and did an intense yoga workout, and can't possibly understand why she hasn't lost any pounds. Having practiced for three years she should be completing the whole class through all of the advanced pose series! The icing on the cake was when she left, she grabbed her things and in her right hand as she waved goodbye was a humongous recently emptied Jamba Juice smoothie cup, clearly drank before class. She probably left to go reward herself with a donut or something for doing her workout AKA relaxing in a sauna. No significant weight loss? Mystery solved. Second scenario: the always 5 minutes behind ungrateful fatty... coming soon. This took way longer than I thought to write.