Caught my cousin eating out of a jar of jelly. This was actually several months ago but I just now got around to sharing it. My lardbeast 2nd or 3rd or whatever cousin was staying with us. He’s 22 and probably above 350 lbs. He said he’s on a diet and I laugh to myself. Sure you are. Now, during this time I was about 7 weeks pregnant and in full morning sickness. The only thing I could keep down was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I go into the kitchen after puking my guts out to try to get some more calories when I see the stupid lump standing in front of the refrigerator eating my grape jelly out of the jar with a spoon.  I snarl, “What the hell are you doing? Other people want to eat that jelly too! And so much for your diet, you lying asshole.” He replies, “I didn’t eat all of it, there’s plenty left. And it’s fruit. So it’s healthy.” I sent my poor husband out to buy more jelly and told him to keep his mitts off the peanut butter too. Thank goodness he left after that week.