My evening with fatfuck couple (WARNING: PRETTY LONG) I'll call them, Muffintop (post female) , and, TVdinner (post male). Now, it's not that anything mind-bogglingly (it's my language and I'll butcher it if I want) significant occurred. More a general attitude emitted from two people completely resigned to the horrors of spending the rest of their lives, A: together, and B: on the slippery, beetus ridden, slope to eventual adipose entombe-ment and early grave.  Tonight was our Guy Fawkes night, as it's now the weekend, and work during the week dictates no fun to be had on a school night. Myself and my two kids had the lovely occurrence of an evening with certain extended family members that prove, at best, unheard from. Fan fucking tastic.  So, they arrive. (late obviously) Waddle the fuck into my Dad's house, and, immediately sit down, heavy breathing, wondering why they even bothered coming in the first place. Allow me to stress how much this couple seem to despise each other. Muffintop, is well on her way to obesity, at least 40% body fat, and a sour faced bitch to boot. (Who'd have thought eh) TVDinner, is fucking there already and his (post) woman, absolutely hates him for it. Every interaction is strained, with disagreements and gripes lying one thin layer beneath the surface. Awkward moments pierce every conversation and I want to die just being close to them. Now. To add to this. My woman is fucking hot. She's a runner and a cyclist, she has quads that put mine to shame (I'm a rock climber, lift weights 4/5 days a week and cycle to and from work. Not swole, just fit) These two morons are absolutely devastated by this. This is deviating quite a bit but it's all relevant.  My family rented a nice big country Manor for a holiday fairly recently, as we rarely all get together. Unfortunately, Muffintop and TVDinner were part of this. During our time there, my SO and I had decided to cook everyone dinner. I was a chef for four years and my SO can cook like a she demon, so everyone was impressed. At the end of the meal, SO, and myself are doing dishes when TVDinner and Muffintop enter. They stand beside the sink area and address my woman. 'So where did you learn to cook?' Now, I might add that these (former) people's idea of cooking, is microwaving store-bought,  Heinz "macaroni cheese" (from a tin obviously). My SO, truthfully replies, 'well I have kids, so need to be able to feed them properly'. These fat fucks have never been so blatantly Shitlorded in there entire lives (they have three kids) the crestfallen look on their chubby faces, is fucking quality, plain and simple. I'll marry her one day just for that comment.  And so, tonight  They grudgingly ask how my SO is. I tell them 'great thanks' and they ask how long it's been now, I tell them,  to be met, quite obviously, with comments on how 'you could almost say it's serious' in a snide, disapproving tone. TVDinner, clearly salivating over the thought of my fit SO telling him what's what.  One of my kids doesn't like the loud fireworks and covers her ears, hiding behind my leg. I ask her if she'd like to watch from a window inside and she agrees happily. TVdinner gives a derisive snort, treating my kid like she's pathetic for disliking loud noises. I could have punched him in the throat right there and been done with the whole situation.  Nibbles are brought out. My kids are hungry and sensing the inevitable I grab a plate each for them,  portion out some food and sit them down to eat. Thank fuck for foresight, as within 4mins the rest of the heaps of canopies have been utterly demolished by fatty 1 and 2. My kids ask for a little more and my Dad makes a little something else to fill the small gap. TVdinner stars whining about how he's not had enough. 'Fear not' cries, Muffintop, for its two for one at Domino's pizza. They decide then to fuck off back to their cave, taking their ungrateful brat with them (not fat yet, but definitely displaying typical fat behaviour) for a 'big domino's and a movie'  I'm so glad I have FPH. I'm glad I have somewhere where people understand how infuriating these people are. . Fat is a physical representation of lazy, slothful behaviour. If a person is fat, it is also likely they're selfish, self involved, greedy, dissatisfied, lustful (in an unhealthy way, people forced to go without sex are driven to depraved perversions) hateful in general.  Fuck them.  Fuck them all.  Thanks for listening.