LIFE HACK: When you can't fire your fatty, trade them to a different department! TL;DR: Can't fire or write up a HamOgre because of her "disability." So I traded her to another department for someone with a mental illness. I'll take the OCD perfectionist over the Sugar Monster any day! About 2 years ago, I was relocated to the Deep South. I was hesitant at first, but the money was excellent, to the point where I would be foolish not to go. In my role, I have three employees. When I got here, I had two humans and one absolutely gigantic waddling butterball. I was astounded when looking through her file that she was 23 years old! She looked to be 40 - 45! She would sit in her chair and her fat would just spill out.  The problem with Tardy Lardy was that she was late to come in, late to clock out, and late to come back from lunch. Everyone got a 30 minute lunch break, but she would Fat Creep it up to 45 minutes. I talked to HR about it as I was going to tell her how unacceptable this was, and found out devastating news. She was "protected" due to her obesity "disability". Her mom worked in a different department and had the same protection and "disease". Between Fatty and her Mom, they looked like those fat twins on the Harleys from the old school Guiness Book of World Records. They went to a doctor who I later found out was notorious for giving these diagnosis. He basically ran his practice as a farm for these cows to waddle out with a disability.  Our reasonable accommodation was to allow her to come in 5 minutes later (she can't walk as fast!), take an longer lunch (she needs more time to waddle back to the office) and not have to participate in anything above the office work. Of course, Sumo used her extra 15 min to shovel more food in her mouth with her mom. Most people just left the cafeteria when those two showed up.  With all that said, she did acceptable work and I just let the matter die, just like she will at 35. First three months, this was fine, but then the call offs started.  I talked to HR again, no write up, they were too afraid of a lawsuit. I talked to the corporate office. You can write her up for anything she was doing work-wise, but could not write up the absences. So I gave her more work. Her solution? Call out sick more! No surprise, Tardy Lardy got her cake and ate it too. Then had another piece and then figured why the hell not, let me eat the whole cake and I better buy a back-up because the deal was so good on this cake! My department was getting overwhelmed. My spineless HR department would do nothing. I was distributing 4 peoples work to 3, much like Tardy Lardy was distributing 3 peoples weight in 1 body. My boss was supportive and angry at the situation, but we both felt powerless. It was time to get creative. I heard another department was having difficulty with one of their employees. He was super OCD and a perfectionist and constantly complaining about fixing other peoples mistakes. The boss in that department couldn't handle him because he himself was mediocre. OCD could not and would not accept things not being perfect. Total headache to manage, but he showed up to work every day and got the job done. My department was about creating, not fixing. It was time to pull off a trade.  I told the department head he shouldn't put up with this madness from OCD guy, and I would be happy to take him off his hands in exchange for my 400 pound anchor. I talked her up, telling him she wouldn't cause any issues and other than an occasional call-off (I stretched the definition to occasional being 1 - 2 times a week), she would work perfectly for him. The dumbass department head accepted. I convinced Tardy Lardy this was the way to go by bribing her with that being a better path for her long term. But we both knew that department was next to the cafeteria. She accepted without hesitating, which probably caused her shortness of breath.  Flash forward about a year and a half later. My department is the highest performing, my OCD perfectionist just won Employee of the Year, and I took home a nice 5 figure bonus. Tardy Lardy and her mom are both on extended "leave" due to being in the hospital, and the department head I made the trade with just quit 2 weeks ago, he couldn't handle the stress from all the extra work. He should have stayed a few days longer, as we found out that Tardy Lardy and MomBeast actually went on a cruise. They were called this morning and terminated for lying about being in the hospital.