Confession: I feel ugly because I'm not "thick." What I feel is entirely and absolutely comparable to the kind of pressure to be runway model skinny which me and many other women felt in the pre-Instagram era. Yet now, I feel ugly because I don't have "curves." "You can't pull off skinny jeans if you don't have thick thighs."  "Girls without curves look so boring and bland"  "Lol, you white girls don't have any ass" et cetera et cetera. Just like with runway models, I absolutely know that what I'm coveting is not a good look, but the message is so pervasive I honestly find myself hating the way I look because apparently what I thought was a pretty nice, fit body is a plank with no ass and nothing to grab and I can't pull off any clothes and I can't look like an "insta queen" etc. Apparently you got to be obese for anyone to think you're a hot piece of ass these days. And I'm so fucking annoyed about the fatlogic intertwined in it all - about how what they tell women like me somehow isn't body shaming and harmful and it's just them celebrating their bodies but god forbid a skinny person shows off ever. How what I feel isn't real? It's the survival of the loudest and most entitled it seems.  Here's the confession that made this throwaway account worthy: I'm honestly just considering saying fuck it and gaining weight just so I can fit the aesthetic even though I'd never want to ruin my health like that. Help me, FPH. Sincerely, a not thicccc 20-year-old woman who is sick of this shit.