My obeast of a coworker Warning! A bit long.  I have a fatty coworker who has some unsurprising moments. I have to share because she just complained anout her heartburn while drinking Starbeetus amdgo bling a croissant or something. She's way past obese. Built like a Danny Devito brick with a face like an angry orangutan.  -She complained about her drivers license picture. She got to take it three times because she told the clerk that she wasn't happy with it. I would have been so pissed off if I was in line behind her. Sorry you don't get your favorite myspace angle tubby. She said she looked like, and I quote, "The little boy from Up." Teehee soooo cute. She was caked in makeup too. Gotta draw on her cheekbones and all that. -She complained about a bag of pork rinds that she was eating for a snack. Apparently she wanted a honey bun but because she was tryyying to be better, she got pork rinds. Only they didn't satisfy her craving. And since she saw the honeybun in the vending machine, she just has to treat herself, right? Spoiler alert, she did.  -She is getting married and her man is even fatter than she is (Remember kids, just keep lowering your standards instead of bettering yourselves). I shiver and gag hearing her talk about her upcoming naughty bridal shower. Or her honeymoon at the beach for that matter. And she jokes about a stripper for her bachelorette party. So unprofessional.   -Plus the usual: She's always hot. I have to keep a blazer at my desk. The boss even said he'd rather some people wear jackets than other people sweat. And she is always first in line for doughnuts or catered holiday lunches. She complains when it turns out to be just sandwiches. Her keyboard, chair, and car are disgusting. Crumbs and sticky spots and always food wrappers and takeout cups.  I just can't imagine living like these people. Why don't they simply look at themselves and their surrounding and see that they are worthless, disgusting wastes of space? Such a miserable existence with a coating of overconfidence to keep the suicide at bay.