A short *Converse*ation with a lardball This was a few months ago, during the summer. I was in the airport and had just come back from a month-long trip abroad after 14 hours (or so) of being confined in a human-sized airplane seat. (Which was so big that I could curl up sideways in it. If you can't even fit in one, you have a problem.) Anyways, I was waiting for my luggage when I saw a short, round, greasy looking obeast waddling around. She was probably around 5'2 or 3, and had to be at least 230 pounds. I sneered in disgust and tried to block out the memory. Then, I noticed my high-top converse shoes were untied, so I go to tie them. The obeast turns to me and says, "Oh, that happens all the time for me, teehee!" I shit you not, there was the giggle. I glance at her shoes- same color and style as mine- and nearly gag. They were dirty as all hell, and looked like a sausage casing for her giant ankles- the top part, above where you normally tie the laces- was splayed out and brown around the edges. Is that what happens when you can't see your shoes? Either way, I think we know why her shoes kept being untied: the laces were limp and barely made the bow on one foot. The other, the dirty shoelace was dragging across the airport floor. Don't think that you're allowed to talk to me, butterball. I glared and then promptly ignored her. There are so, so many hams in airports- in customs, there were probably four humans out of fifty in the line- why do they congregate there?