A Tale From the Podiatrist So there I was at the podiatrist, desperately trying to find an answer to my perpetually injured leg due to some torn and now dysfunctional ligaments suffered in the pursuit of athletic excellence in my youth.   As I have private healthcare, I was at a private clinic the waiting rooms of which are usually fairly posh and well appointed.   I staked a spot out in a cool corner where I could watch the large television - I'd arrived early as sometimes you can get seen quickly if others are late. I settled in and made myself comfortable as I could - shortly afterward, I heard it before I saw it - not, one, not two, but an entire herd of butterhuffing lardbeasts trampled their way toward me.   First in was the junior hippo, 20 stone of juvenile slopped itself down across from me.   The thundering intensified as it's Grand-beast sat down on the other end of my settee, practically catapulting me off the other end.   It was there because according to the grunts it belted out, it's beetus had gone to the ankles and it was unable to move properly any more so the NHS allowed it to get an emergency appointment at the clinic on the public purse.   It was only after a minute or two later that the Final Boss arrived, slowly shuffling in with heavy breath .   I have rarely seen a creature like this vast marshmallow monster outside of the US, it took an entire sofa to itself, and the smell it gave off turned my stomach as the miasmic gas cloud it's gravity collected swirled ominously.   It was so fat around it's neck, the Grand-beast couldn't even understand it as it talked.   Junior-beast tried to translate, but as the only one of the herd able to move, it had located in record time the only source of calories in the waiting room - an unguarded coffee machine which also dispensed hot chocolate.   In the hottest day of the year so far in a country with no air conditioning, the beast visited the trough no less than 6 times in the 30 minutes I waited until I was relieved by my name being called.   Thankfully by the time I was done they were gone, either away to their appointment, or collapsed into a singularity by the final boss' own gravity.