Gather Round, Shitladies and Gents, It's Jimmy Rustling Time. Good evening, dear shitfriends. I'm fresh off the clock from my shitty job of servicing even shittier customers. Mostly what I do is sell vanity sized tents to whales within a grocery store chain that also has a Starbeetus. Fat people clothes, in the middle of a sea of food, with instant gratification coffee milkshakes on the side. Sounds like a magnet for entitled fat fucks, doesn't it? Well... You'd be correct. After the eight precious hours of my life I had exchanged for pennies was at it's end, I go to walk out of the store. As I head out the door, there in front of me stands a mated pair of hogs. The male was huge, without a doubt, but was definitely put to shame by his female sow that at my height, and more than triple my weight, I would guesstimate at at least treefiddy. And that's me being more conservative than I am with a chocolate bar. I had only just spotted them when the REEEEEEing began. The female starts positively screeching about how she has a little piglet buried somewhere beneath the fatty overhang of her Fupa, how she really could have been hurt, how completely incompetent, etc. etc. "You knocked into my arm! What if that had been my tummy?! I'm five months pregnant, what is the matter with you?! I swear they only hire complete retards at this location!" Hand to God, the infantile swine said "tummy". I look to see who the poor wretched bastard was that had offended this lowly, yet ample, lifeform. And here's where the anger for me truly starts. It was one of our bagboys, a complete sweetheart, still just a child, would never intentionally hurt a fly, and legitimately MENTALLY RETARDED. He's stuttering out apology after apology. God damn it, my heart ached for him. All while she continues berating him.  Finally, the cheese hog starts to walk away, while still REEING loudly, as pigs are wont to do. After the boy leaves dejectedly(very obviously on his way to cry somewhere privately), I approached her. My penchant for customer service, fortunately for the both of us, overtook my anger. "Ma'am, I'm really sorry that happened to you. I know you couldn't have  known this, but he actually really is not all there mentally."  I would like to think that a decent human being, upon hearing this, would be filled with embarrassment and regret at their words and actions. So right here, we just have to remind ourselves that like most of it's kind,  the creature I was speaking with was neither decent, nor human. She replied to that with "maybe you shouldn't be hiring fucking retards then." And once again sings her song of being five months pregnant.  I apologize again with a cold smile, slyly slip in a comment about how he probably couldn't tell she was carrying just by looking at her, and tell her to have a good night. Not realizing she had just been insulted, she waddles away still loudly bitching about getting bumped into... While I quietly sang a rendition of 'Fatty, Fatty, Two by Four' under my breath as I began my walk home. Moral of the story is- It is far better to be legitimately legally mentally disabled then to ever become an obese person. FIN