Fatty made me late for work So I'm sitting in my escalade waiting for the car behind my spot to move. It's at a 45 degree angle from mine, nearly perpendicular. I wait a solid 2 minutes whilst settling (seatbelt, coffee, mirrors, music, etc.) ok, it's been long enough, I give a light, polite-as-i-can-please-move-your-shitbox-honk. I use my mirror to see that the driver is staring at his phone, which he is holding right in front of his face. He glances away to look at his left side view, sees nothing because he's at an angle, in the middle of driving lane. Remember, our cars are nearly perpendicular: if this beast would have turned and looked out his back right window he would have seen an agitated man in a Cadillac with his back up lights on. He goes right back to texting after checking only side left mirror. I honk louder like a nice loud HONK HONK. He looks at his side, sees nothing, and goes back to texting.  Now furious, (keep in mind I could only see part of his head and phone off of a mirror and through several windows, so I didn't know it was a Ham yet) I get out of the car and knock on his passenger window. It's an employee of the building, I've seen him before. Easily 375-400 lbs. Greasy, over-gelled, spiked hair. Pinstripe canvas. He rolls down window a quarter inch and says "What?" In a high pitched voice . He sees the agitation on my face and it dawns on him how costly his laziness has been. Though it's obvious he knows he has to move, I say "move." He puts the car in gear.  I get back in my car, now 5 minutes behind schedule, thinking FINALLY. I put the car in reverse and turn around and he's. still. there. I wait another minute and at this point I'm trying to decide whether to put a jack bar or a tire iron through his window, when an equally hammy female waddles out and gets in. She just had to be picked up right by the exit. Infuriating. Then I got to work and had my ham boss yell at me for only being 10 min early while stuffing a croissant breakfast sandwich down her gullet. This day is barf.