that reminds me of the tale of king beetus. as punishment for his extreme gluttony, a genie cursed this king with the touch of lard. all things poor king beetus touched therefor would immediately turn to lard. once, while trying to woo m'lady by bragging about his magic level on WoW, king beetus accidentally brushed up against the woman, and she collapsed into a steaming pile of lard. not wanting to let her go to waste, king beetus spread her onto toast and consumed her while gently sobbing greasy tears