Hammate Hell (Weeks 7-9) Sorry for the late update, I got a little distracted with mid-terms. I’ll try to be better about being punctual, I promise! Intro Weeks 1-3 Weeks 4-6 Hammate has once again eaten all of the cupcakes I made the day before in one night, leaving nothing for my other two roommates. I’m done, I’m not bringing anything to the dorm again. She’s done this way too many times. Heard hammate vomiting in the bathroom at about 6:00 am. When I was making tea later that day she told me (without my asking) that she’s been feeling sick and that I should watch out. Oh dear lord… please don’t let me catch the hammy virus BF came to pick me up today and hammy made a big deal about her being sick. Came out in slippers and her blanket and tried to act as sad as possible. Told my boyfriend that he should “keep an eye on me since I’m so skinny and get sicker easier”. Fuck you hammy; my immune system is 10,000 times more efficient than yours due to the magic of proper caloric intake and daily cardio. Kiss my skinny ass When I came without cupcakes Hammate actually knocked on my door to ask me where they were. I straight-up told her that I didn’t like how she was eating them all and not leaving any for Norma or Slenderlla (PMS makes me ballsy). She threw a fit claiming that she didn’t eat them all and that the other two were lying. Suuuuuuure they were hammy. It happened again; this time she stole three meals out of the five Slenderella had prepared for herself for dinners this week. We finally had enough and went to the RA to report her. He scheduled a meeting this Wednesday to discuss “roommate etiquette” with all of us”. Surprise, surprise, hammy was late to the meeting with the RA. Although it wasn’t all bad since that gave us a chance to explain what she had been doing without having to listen to her squealing lies, denying everything. When she did show up she made it a point to try and convince the RA that we were all ganging up on her, “Mean Girls”-style. I don’t think the RA bought it; I swear I could hear him stifling laughter as she continued her whale song about how Norma, Slenderella and I are “bullying her because we’re jealous of her bubbly personality”. There is nothing about you that will ever make me envious, cow. Hammate’s stomping around all day today. She’s obviously pissy that we got the RA involved. Hopefully this means that we won’t have to deal with her stealing food anymore. Came back from my BF’s house and my dorm-room door was open. I NEVER leave it open when I go for the weekend and was immediately suspicious when I saw a few of my drawers open. Asked hammate about it and she admitted to going into my room because “the fire alarm was going off”. When I asked her about the open drawers she told me that I must’ve left them open. I’m guessing hammy was looking for snacks in my room. Too bad the only thing that fat bitch will find in here is delicious tea. Hammate’s called in the RA because she’s convinced Slenderella stole her towel. I don’t understand why the poor RA needs to get dragged into this. And anyways, I know for a fact Slenderella wouldn’t want that wretched, smelly thing anywhere near her. The RA is obviously getting fed up with Hammate and vicariously, the rest of us. Hammate coincidentally found that same towel in the pile of two-month old laundry she keeps at the foot of her bed. Leave it to a pig to live in a sty. Hammate gave me a passive-aggressive remark as I left for the gym. She asked me what I planned to do there and I told her that I planned to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 on the elliptical. As I was leaving she said (what I assume she thought was quietly) “no wonder you don’t have an ass”. I stopped in the doorway, weighed my options, and decided to finally fight back. “I may not have an ass but at least I can see my feet” I threw back at her and slammed the door. Fuck that fat ass. I’m not taking this anymore. She can rot in hell; now it’s getting personal.