A fat caused our plane to need rebalancing I didn't even know this could happen. I'm on a relatively small jet (80-100 seats, or so) yesterday and in rolls a serious deathfat. All I thought was "please, Lord Beetus, don't put him next to me" and our lord and savior blessed me, but still sat him close enough for its stench to reach me. This fucking buffet bandit asks for his belt extender, of course, and as the plane fills I see a look of concern on the shitlady stewardess' face. She grabs the intercom and says "for weight and balancing issues <clearly holding back laughter> we will need someone from the back two rows to take one of the empty seats at the front of the cabin."  Beetus bless her heart for saving us, but the horror still lingers in my mind that one, single, disgusting fat could actually endanger the lives of an entire flight with its mordbid inhumanity. There ought to be a law.....