Inadvertently triggered friend's ham ex because of vanity sizing I mentioned a few times in my comments that a good friend of mine was dating a ham(and actually have another female friend dating a ham as we speak, waiting on the fallout story for that...it's coming) who threw his ass out probably over 8 months ago and even as Hams go he is an especially pathetic waste of life. This is the Ham who tried to commit suicide to win her back. Since being thrown out in December a bunch of his shit is still in her apartment that he has not yet collected because as I mentioned above he is a pathetic waste and unable to function in life which leads him to constantly losing his job or getting thrown out of living situations. Also, he refuses to admit that they're actually broken up and that they are just on "a break" until he gets his life in order. She finally gave him the ultimatum that if his shit wasn't out by last weekend it was going in the trash because she is getting another roommate to take the room his shit is in. Meanwhile, a few weeks ago my friend saw a shirt on a Facebook ad that she thought I would like and ordered it for me, since there was no sizing chart she played it safe and ordered a medium. Turns out whatever company she ordered it from caters to hams, because their medium was akin to an extra large and completely unwearable by me. Instead of going into the hassle of trying to return it she keeps it to wear as a night shirt. Cue this weekend the deadline for ham's shit to be thrown out he calls her in a panic and asks to come get it. She tells him she's working, but to go to the apartment and the roommate will let him in and he is to get his shit and leave. Ham shows up, roommate lets him in and goes back to his room because why would he need to watch him? Apparently, he should have. Because he decides to snoop around her bedroom. Walks into the room, sees oversized shirt on the bed and freaks the fuck out. Calls her hysterical crying "Who's shirt is this! Who's shirt is this!" She being dumbfounded at first just answers "Well I guess it's mine now..." This triggers him even more and results in more crying as he starts demanding to know who she is sleeping with. At this point she told me managed to basically realize what happened and starts yelling at him asking why he thought it was ok to go into her room. He refuses to have any of it and keeps freaking out saying he has a right to know who's shirt it is and who she is sleeping with. She tells him to get the fuck out of her room and hangs up and calls her roommate. Roommate finds the ham bawling inconsolably in the living room and has to throw him out of the house...oh and also move his shit, because ham was too upset. Right after this happened she calls me laughing knowing that 1. Ham hates me 2. I find ham and his bullshit hilarious. Now, she is sending me updates because he's blowing up her phone today with depressing texts about how she betrayed him and how could she do that to him and their relationship. This is seriously the only good thing to ever come out of vanity sizing. So many tears all because of a shirt. The best part is I didn't even have to do anything. I triggered a ham by proxy.