Bridal Hams Part 1 As I've mentioned here before, I work in a bridal shop that carries every kind of bridal dress except actual wedding gowns (flower girl, mother of the bride/groom, bridesmaid, etc.). In less than one year I've collected a life time supply of hilarious whale songs and needed a shit ton of eyebleach just to try to forget their disgusting bodies. I've seen everything from slim girls spouting fat logic to make their fat friends feel better to straight up horrific obeasts that can't fit into anything because we don't carry Tess Dumpster sized dresses. I've got enough stories to fill a whole book so I might as well start with the most popular excuse I've heard.  Pigs love to use their piglets as their excuse for why they suddenly started shoving food down their throats as soon as they got pregnant.  "It's always the second baby that makes losing the baby weight impossible!" "I just gave birth three months ago, so I've got the baby weight to lose." From an obeast who was about 400lbs. "My son is two years old, so I'm still working on that baby weight."  "As soon as he was born, I just couldn't get rid of the baby weight. I'm gonna have to hit the gym soon!"  The list goes on and on with excuses ending in "the baby weight".  One whale who had given birth 5 weeks ago snapped at me for trying to fit her into a sample dress "It's just not going to fit no matter what you do so stop trying!!" These hams always bring in the children who misbehave or are the most out of control, especially compared to the children of fit mothers.  Once a group of bridesmaids came in, most of which were fat, with only two shitladies out of 5 girls. One of the shitladies was the most gorgeous pregnant women I had ever seen. She said she was in her late twenties but she looked like she was 18. It was also her second child, so I guess the gunetiks hadn't gotten to her yet. Later on the ugliest of the hams wouldn't shut the fuck up about how "When I'm pregnant, I'm just going to lay in bed all day and make my husband feed me. Why don't you relax and make your hubby treat you like a queen? I don't understand why you don't take advantage of that while you have to eat for two!" The pregnant shitlady looked like she had heard this shit before and was visibly annoyed, but I'm sure the gunetiks hit her right after that second child.