I would send her pics of myself wearing a fat suit/padded clothes and be like, "Our relationship is important to me so I gained the weight to come to your wedding." All the while, I would be secretly toning up like a madwoman. Wedding day comes. I arrive in a brightly colored, form-fitting dress with killer heels and say, "Sorry, I tried so hard but my amazing metabolism shed all the weight!" Trolololo bitch!