My Boyfriend's Brother - El Cerdito I have way too many fatties in my life, I swear. I need to move as far away as possible as soon as possible. Anyways, my boyfriend has a brother, and he is the classic entitled “fukboi” fatty. This kid is 19 and follows the whole “xXxswag420yoloxXx” lifestyle. I’m looking over at this kid’s wall right now and he’s got nine tacky, billed caps and they all still have the stickers and tags on them. This kid not only whines and bitches about everything until he gets his way (he’s the youngest sibling and he acts like it), this fatty NEVER. STOPS. EATING. Him and his brother share a room, and I’m at my boyfriend’s house from Thursdays after class until Sunday afternoon. My boyfriend’s brother is a fat piece of shit that has never worked a day in his miserable life (even though his parents struggle to pay rent) and spends all day either at the house playing Call of Duty on the Xbox (my boyfriend bought!!!) or stuffing his fat craw full of Doritos, Whataburger, or Cane’s (chicken finger place). Not only is he constantly eating, whining, or screaming at random strangers on the internet but he’s as loud as possible while doing all three of those things. Whining:  Cerdito (as my boyfriend and I call him behind his back) never works. He never pays for anything and has been bitching at his father to buy him this DISGUSTING Mustang that’s been sitting in their neighbor’s yard for god knows how many years. Cerdito’s reasoning is that he has to take the bus to school (poor thing has to take a WHOLE TWO CLASSES A SEMESTER /s) and that takes too long and is too expensive. Also my boyfriend bought a car last spring and Cerdito is jealous, saying that the father paid for it (the father co-signed the financing agreement, but Cerdito is too stupid to understand what that means). I hear this idiot bitching about wanting that car at least once a day. I’m not surprised this fat piece of shit is so attracted to a bloated, shitty, barely functioning vehicle that does more to boost the depleted ego of a beta-fatty than actually get from point A to point B successfully (sorry, I hate American muscle cars. I prefer something sleek, small, and either European or Japanese). Screaming:  Cerdito is the stereotypical CoD kid you dread. He’s the one yelling the n-word every five seconds (Cerdito’s heritage is Salvadorian but he was born/raised in the US), threatening to kill you because he’s “super buff and is training to be a cop” (yes, this chubby kid wants to be a cop... not so he can uphold the law, but because he wants to own a gun), and QQing whenever someone kills him because they “totally cheated” or “aren’t playing fair”. My boyfriend bought me a noise-cancelling gaming headset Cerdito’s squealing was so bad. I’m wearing it as I write this, but not to block out the sound of CoD squeals; I’m blocking out the worst sound of them all... the eating. Eating:  This pig is always eating. He goes through a party-sized bag of Spicy Nacho Doritos EVERY DAY, and he still has room to eat a 2 large-sized meals from either Whataburger, McBeetus, or Cane’s. What really pisses me off is when I’ve baked something for the entire family to enjoy and barely after it’s come out of the oven he’s hovering around it like he thinks he’s going to sneak-eat most of it before anyone else. I purposely make a point of sitting down next to that week's batch of cookies or cupcakes so that if Cerdito wants to eat a lot of it, I can glare at him with me “are you fucking kidding me?” look. I HATE listening to him eat. You know that sound that fatties makes when they’re gobbling something down? When they literally sound like a fucking pig at the trough? Yeah, that’s Cerdito to the T. I still sometimes hear that disgusting sound when I close my eyes and try to go to sleep at night. I can’t escape that incessant slurping and snorting. Okay, that was my rant about my boyfriend's brother. He still has three other hamily members (sister, mother, and aunt) who I want to post about later but I’ll get to those in a different post. I’m just so glad my boyfriend didn’t succumb to the fatty lifestyle. If we had met and he was as big as any of his hamily members, we would have never started dating in the first place.