Holy shit I just had my first good IRL shit lording experience. So, less than an hour ago I went on a jog. Important to note: I was wearing loose joggers, and because it was hot, a sports bra. I also have an arm band iPod holder within which I always keep around 5$ as well.  So I passed by a grocery store that's about 15 mins away, and decided to pick up some Milani cookies for later. They're delicious as a treat with tea (the dark chocolate go amazing with a strong earl grey). I have a friend coming over tonight and he and my SO will probably drink, and since I don't drink I figured I'd be happy with my tea and a cookie.  So I make my way to the cookie isle. There are 2 hams there, a female and what I assumed to be her husband. I ignore them. They aren't worthy of being acknowledged, whatever.  So I'm deciding between dark chocolate and dark chocolate orange when I hear the ham "whisper" to her husband (she's like 5 feet away, I can hear you..): " that's disgusting. I'd never want to look like that. -scathing voice- She has -abs-"  That immediately struck me as funny. I don't have abs. No fit person would say I have abs. I have some slight definition from being as thin as I am, plus recently working in some ab exercises into my routine. Anyways. Another thing to note. I'm not good at many things. But I'm a literature kid, and I do pride myself in my quick wit.  So, in one of my only moments I've ever felt like a badass, I turned to the ham and said: "Yes. Unlike you, I don't have 200 lbs of excess adipose tissue. Also unlike you, I can say shit to someone's face instead if mumbling it under my breath. Or is mumbling all you can manage when fat is crushing your windpipe?" The male hamsband started to say something along the lines of what I assume to be "don't you dare talk to my wife that way" but, fairly certain they wouldn't/couldn't give chase, I was already on my way out. An excellent start to my day, overall.