I think the rule is that the seat has to go up for meals. I hate that the seat reclines into people's space, the newer shell designs will stop that when they gravitate to economy. My personal rule is that if the seat in front of me comes back, mine immediately goes back. That way, if the air crew got prissy like in your case, I would just say, no worries, if the seat in front goes up, so does mine. It's up to them then to sort that cascading shit-fight out.