Stuck with a Fat Beast for 30 days So I went on a wilderness trip. It was great to be out in nature during the most beautiful time of the year. I was in a group of 18 people who were all amazing... except for one. Yep, you guessed it: a hamplanet. The femayo was about 5 feet tall and weighed at least 300 lbs. From the very first moment, it was complaining about how much walking and physical activity was required. First of all, it actually CRIED mayo tears on the very first day because of the fact that it wouldn't be able to use it's cell phone/internet/facebook. YOU SIGNED UP FOR A WILDERNESS EXCURSION, DUMBASS. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? Our hikes were riddled with constant complaining, huffing and puffing, crying, wheezing, and crying. We had to stop constantly so the butter beast could take a rest. It would constantly moan and groan about the heat. IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMER, DUMBASS. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT. The obeast would fake injuries and illnesses to try to get out of the physical activities. Finally, after a few days of this, the coordinator forced the whale to stay back since it could never keep up. Thankfully our group was finally able to hike and enjoy the peace of nature without the sight of blubber bouncing and the sounds of a cow giving birth. But of course we would return to the campsite at night. This swine ate everything. It even stole other people's food and then tried to act cute when people called it out on its thievery ("Teehee! I thought it was mine!"). It hogged all the s'mores and peanut butter during the day while it sat out of the group activities, so there was nothing left for the rest of us when we got back to the camp in the evening. IT CONSUMED 18 PEOPLES WORTH OF SMORES. IN ONE DAY. People would start trying to hide their food from the hippo, but it would never fail to thoroughly snoop through camper's personal belongings and steal their food. And of course, the butter buffer smelled like shit and sweat. The odor caused its two tentmates (three people to a tent) to completely say "Fuck this! I'll sleep outside instead of lay, enclosed in a tent, with a swine!" The blob also farted CONSTANTLY. It didn't help that we often had beans at meals. To top it all off, it popped its 100-dollar  air mattress with its massive weight. I'm so relieved to be done with that fat fuck. End rant.