We got fat CPR mannequins Certifying in Basic Life Saving skills is a requirement at my job. We had the class today and to my shock, they started handing out the practice dummies and most of them simulated what a 300 pound sack of shit with a face would look like. It’s the first time we’ve used them and our instructor explained, “Most people don’t look like the standard CPR mannequin, tee hee!”  All I can say, butterhuffers, is that you’d better hope that someone like me responds to your inevitable heart attack, because your fellow fatasses couldn’t complete a single round of effective chest compressions on a body that looked like theirs.