My big fat fucked up Hamily (and my low key shitlord mother) Hello everyone, today I'm coming to share with you something that has been causing a bit of tension in my family as of late. I apologize for any formatting issues because I suck. ALSO - For anybody who may say something about me putting their personal business out there for the world to see, the Hamplanets already have. It's all over Facebook, this is no secret to our family or friends.  Just a bit of a background, my mother, father and I are all relatively fit (I say relatively because my mother has some health issues that don't allow her to work out rigorously, but she still manages). My mother and father divorced when I was about 13 because she fell in love with a hamplanet  which to this day I am still angry at her for. With this hamplanet came its much larger siblings, which frankly I'm not sure how you can get much larger than 400lbs.  Hammy's brother is not only significantly larger than he is, but he is very mentally unstable, a hoarder, and just all around disgusting. He's the type of person that I imagine when somebody brings up the word "manchild", because he's stuck in a childlike mindset and thinks that EVERYTHING in the world revolves around him. One time at Christmas dinner, he got so upset because I wouldn't let him touch my phone that he threw a huge fit and left our house only to return an hour later and mope around until I apologized to him. This man is in his 40's, may I add. His wife is equally as large and was one of my mother's best friends up until her lying and overall snake-like tendencies caused my mother to lose her job (not sure of the specifics, all I know is that Hamwife lied to corporate about something that my mother was doing when my mother was quite literally doing everybody's job and had no time to be deceitful in any way, but I digress) So, recently Hammy and Hamwife decided that they wanted to add a third person into their marriage, this woman (who, you guessed it, is EQUALLY AS FUCKING LARGE) who Hammy has "been in love with" since he was a child. This woman lives in Oregon (we live in Washington) with her HUSBAND but as far as I can tell she doesn't have kids, so at least they're not traumatizing a child throughout this process. Hammy and Hamwife drove down to Oregon to pick up this woman and keep her at their house so they can start their "wonderful happy polywhatever marriage". Cool, whatever, not my business.  UNTIL! Hammy and Hamwife start texting my mother telling her all of this and basically saying that if she can't accept it, then we can all fuck off. Okay... we don't want to accept it. You pushed it all on us within like a week of it happening, and despite everything that you guys have told us in the past (that Hamwife isn't bi, that they were secure in their marriage, etc..) you guys are doing this... whatever. Still not my business, I don't give a fuck what you guys do. The thing is, they keep bringing it up to us. Whether it be through Facebook message, text, phone call, whatever... they keep bringing it up that they're so in love and that their marriage is great. Frankly, we don't give a rat's ass.  So today my mother and I were talking about it because Hammy commented on one of my Facebook posts (was one of those little 30 second Tasty recipe videos, you guys know them I'm sure) saying that they had had Hamwife's macaroni and cheese for dinner, and that it was delicious. I sent a screenshot of it to my mom and this is the conversation that followed. When I got home she still wanted to talk about it and I went out on a limb by calling them planets and saying that we should just project them into orbit and get rid of them once and for all. My mother laughed and started calling them wastes of oxygen, and that the world would be better if we could actually just get rid of them.  I just needed to get all of this out to people who won't judge me for calling them Hamplanets, because if I try to bring it up to my mother when her husband is around he'll just REEEE me into oblivion and my mother will be forced to defend him :/  Anyways, thank you all for reading! I apologize once again for the length!!