Why You Need A Fat Friend You know why you need a fat friend? (Or rather "friend") To fat shame and ruin their self esteem. A while back as a desperate freshmen I befriended a morbidly obese cow. At 14 she was well over 230. She constantly complained about her size and how no one wants her but still continued to drown her feelings in every fatty food you could imagine.  Actually, that's not true. At 17, she had never had Mexican food. I took her to chipotle (not exactly authentic but still) and she ordered the soft shell tacos and asked where the mayonnaise was. I asked her why and she said she wanted some type of sauce to dip her tacos in, she could not eat them plain. She really only stuck to West Indian food, Chinese food (with the most disgusting combinations...oh the horror stories I could share) and "American" cuisine.  Now, here is why you need to keep someone like her around. To shame them. The other day I went out with my friend (both thin and gorgeous) and her. My friend and I were both in bodycon dresses that hugged in all the right places and this heffer decided to wear a romper. I was late as always (I'm on CPT) and as I was approaching them two men came up to me and started to ask for my name and number etc. The jealousy in her face was so apparent.  Oh, but it didn't stop there. We went to a party that was dead so we decided to take a taxi to the mall. The amount of guys that hit on my friend and I were crazy. What was crazier is how they went out of their way to exclude her. So many asking for threesomes or double team action and made NO GLANCE in her direction. She was fuming.  We were discussing it in the group chat and she went ghost. Did not say a word. Later in snapchat she puts up a fifty snap story about how it's time for her to accept that no one wants her because she's "bigger" (huge understatement) and most guy can't handle her. It also said some shit about how she either loses the weight or find someone brave enough to try but the weight thing seems more likely. She then proceeded to cry about all her friends and how they're gorgeous and skinny and she's disgusting and fat and how she's "tried" to lose weight but it doesn't work. Her definition of trying is going on the treadmill for ten minutes a day for three days and eating a salad with a million toppings and drowned in dressing. Last summer she did the same thing and when we went out to eat she ordered a four course meal AND dessert.