My father shitlorded for Christ So, I'm going to just to lay out some groundwork so you can better appreciate this. First, I'm not a good writer so this isn't going to be a literary genius. It's gonna be average. I'm just telling this because it made me chuckle. Second is that my father is a VERY religious man. Most people say they're faithful, but I've yet to meet someone who has such unwavering Christian faith more than my father. I mean, before he met my mother he fully intended on entering the Catholic priesthood in order to be closer to God. So, very religious. As a result, my dad is very big on following God's rules for being an acceptable human being. A big one for him has always been gluttony and while he isn't an avid shitlord as he feels it is not his place to judge the failings of others, when he actually snaps it's one of the greatest things I've ever seen. So my dad is in town visiting me. We have this tradition that whenever he is in town we attend church together like we did when I was a boy. Church was one of my favorite places growing up (super cool pastor and his daughter was a babe) so it's always a fun trip down memory lane when we go together... and because it makes my old man happy and that's good enough for me. So we walked to this church a few miles from my house. It's a beautiful place and my father was pretty overwhelmed at it, but said he wished it was more 'down-to-earth and simple' as God would want. Again, really religious. We sat down and waited for the priest to show up and start leading the whole thing. Annnnnnnd a Crisco slug showed up. The priest was at least 300 pounds. No bullshit, this man was immense and his breathing was so fucking labored it made my chest feel constricted. I looked over to my dad to give him a cheeky smile (he knows I'm not a fan of the fats) and he shot me back a somewhat bemused, but annoyed look. We went through the whole ordeal listening to this former man speak as slow as his brain probably thinks thanks to all the fat compressing his mind and lungs. It drove me crazy and I constantly gave my dad the 'can you believe this shit?' look and I could tell he was getting as annoyed as me toward the end. So at the end of church my father went to talk to him and it was glorious. My dad went full bore. He started quoting probably every phrase regarding intemperance and gluttony in the bible. He even opened his own bible (he carries it everywhere) to start opening to the lines and asking the priest to read it to make sure he knew he wasn't bullshitting. He questioned the man's dedication, his belief, everything right in front of his parishioners who mostly looked away in shame as they were all fat fucks too. In the end my father just said: "Perhaps someone should recall the need for fasting in Christianity... perhaps it would help with your lamentable dedication to Christ." Fuckin love this guy. Gave him a solid slap on the back for his words and he laughed and said "You know, I noticed the massive window they have in there has a curtain rod, but no curtain... I wonder if he used that for his robe today?" Excellent question, dad. It probably did.