How I shitlord at work. So I work at one of the dining locations on my campus, so of course I am around food all day, and of course shit attracts flies.  So I'm just chilling out, making some tasty noodles for my college comrades, and I get to people watch.  Not a bad gig; shit pay, but I can't really complain when the hours are so convenient.  Anyway, most of my people watching is awesome.  Tons of attractive college men and women for me to slyly gawk at.  I always give the warmest smiles for the more attractive, thinner customers.  I think this is because when I smile at them it is genuine, because I actually enjoy looking at them. Side-rant aside, I'm working the end of the line where I box it up and ask the person that ordered if they want cheese or not.  For the thinner people I put the normal amount of cheese (about 1/8th of a cup, which might seem like a lot but hey, this is campus food), but for the fat-cats I serve I always put on as little as I can get away with (which is so little I'm literally starving them).  I get so happy when they ask for more.  I act like I care and am there to serve them, but deep down my soul is poppin' a half chub.  So they ask and I sprinkle on a little more.  Then they ask and that gets another sprinkle.  By the end of the oreodeal, they usually have asked 8 or 9 times for more, and they normally end up with more cheese than frickin' pasta.  It looks like shit, even for campus food.  I let them loose to trample again, and then I get back to work with a shitlord-eating grin.  Always cheers me up on a bad day.