Gather 'round my precious shitlings as I regale the tale of shutting down some belligerent fatlogic. Once upon a time (earlier this evening), in the land of the lards,  (burger king), an evil Hog Goblin, whom I believe was the female of the species, tried to convince our hero that it and he were the same. (It decided to make small talk as we waited for our to-go orders.) HG: Hey, we ordered the exact same thing. (Two sandwiches, large fries, large drink.) I tell my friends that I eat the same as skinny people.  But my thin friends don't believe me.  Anoinc: No you don't.  (Back to browsing on my phone.) HG: But we ordered the same thing.  Anoinc: No we didn't.  HG: Yeah we did. I just heard your order.  Anoinc: Fine, I'll break it down. You added bacon and cheese to both of your sandwiches. That's easily an extra 500 calories. Also, I won't be drinking any of this sprite. My wife is under the weather and this is for her to drink on for the next few days to keep her stomach settled. So that 44 ounces of soda is an extra 600 calories.  This is on top of a meal that's already 1200 calories.  And here's the kicker. Half of the fries and the other sandwich are for my wife. And we won't even finish a lot of this meal.  So no. You don't eat the same as a "skinny" person. Calorically, you'll be eating at least 4 times more than I will this evening, and slightly more than I will all day.  There's a reason only your fat friends believe you. Then our hero tried to go back to quietly mind his own business, like a decent person, as the evil hog goblin tried to stare a hole in the side of our hero's head.  The merchant interrupted the silence by offering the hog goblin its meal. And upon realizing its defeat the hog goblin left our hero in peace but not before spouting.  HG: you didn't have to be an asshole about it. Edit: Could someone spin this from fatty's perspective?  Those interpretations always amuse me so. Edit 2: Top of FPH and 2nd on my front page.  Thank you, all you lovely people!