Triggered two hams without even trying. So, for V Day, boyfriend and I decided to get high and go eat at a Chinese buffet. Classy, whatever.  We get here. We go set our stuff down at the table we're given, and I shit you not, a woman at least 6x my body weight (we're talking at least 700. She could be Dr. Now's next patient.) sitting five feet away from my chair. I'm horrified, but this place is packed and I have no other options.  My boyfriend and I go to get our plates. My boyfriend asked me where we were sat and I told him we were parked next to the wide load in the back. I noticed there was someone by us but I didn't look at him. All I saw is what he was wearing.  I get back to the table and this crazy guy is rambling off to us but the girl is gone. We never looked at him because he had a lot of ticks and I just assumed he had some sort of mental issue. I have no idea what he was saying.  Then my boyfriend gets up to find chopsticks... And this fucking butterhuffer started laying into me and I still had no clue as to why. He wasn't speaking clearly but I heard something about a daughter. I was smiling and nodding and laughing even because I thought... you know, crazy talk.  It all made sense as soon as the 700lb behemoth came back to her poor chair wiping tears away. He asked her if she was alright and IT ALL MADE SENSE. HE WAS THE ONE STANDING NEXT TO US AND HEARD IT.  I was dying of laughter on the inside when I figured it out. He kept mumbling shit the whole time but I ignored him.  It's also worth noting that in the time that I had a plate full of human food, and a small dessert plate of fruit... While they literally took 4 trips to the buffet with two plates the first two rounds. What the fuck. WHERE DOES IT ALL GO?