Advice needed - Trying to maintain a friendship and good impression but facing a barrage of fatness Hello my lovelies.  Not a story this time, alas, but I'm coming to you all with a request. I've previously mentioned in comments about an old friend of mine who has somehow ended up with a death fat for a fiance (It proposed to him, after years of ruining his self-esteem he said yes. Sigh). For the past 4 years I have found a range of excuses to get out of seeing him (it's never just him, the sheham always finds a way of tagging along. Always), and I was doing quite well, despite missing him terribly. However, now there's an event that I have to attend and which they will be at. I'm excited to see him, but nauseated that I will be in Its presence (this thing is disgusting. I'll grab some images from FB later on. Reluctant to a degree because it honestly wouldn't surprise me if It goes on here, It's like that. It'll know it was me who uploaded the photos, and It is a wrathful piggy!). There's no way of avoiding the two of them at this event, and I can't make it obvious just how much the shebeast disgusts me, unfortunately, due to a multitude of reasons including work related networking. The main crux is, this creature loves to try and 'skinny shame' me. It has gone out of Its way to try and put me down on evenings out, sabotage my healthy eating (seriously, it knew I was cutting processed food from my diet so It decided not to do a shop and when I came over It gleefully informed me that we were getting Papa John's because "I don't want to clean dishes, tee hee!"), roll its eyes at any conversation I take part in and has commented on my "serious lack" of breasts (34b. Fuck you hammy. I'd rather be an A or B and be perky than have udders full of fat drooping down to kiss lard-dimpled kneecaps.) I've managed for the most part to bite my tongue and keep my mouth shut (ha!) throughout these interactions but since finding this wonderful community, I fear that I might be a bit more brazen the next time I have to be in Its orbit.  So my request is, how can I subtly shitlord this fat fuck without revealing my improved and polished shitlady 'alter-ego'? I can't afford to go off the handle at It, there's too many people who will be negatively affected by the fall out, but I also can't allow Hamzilla try to put me down anymore. I need to so sophisticated in my execution if It tries to put me down, but in such a way that if Hammy does REEE, my shitlording can be explained away innocently and look like Fatty's just a paranoid hamplanet. I would bet money that It will say something really offensive to me (why break tradition!), but I want to equip myself with some possible retorts or actions to put It in Its place (a sty). Any suggestions my wonderful people? (Murder and GBH are not options)