Birthday ham Sunday was my birthday and in the small office I work in we rotate making or buying  desserts for one another so it comes full circle and everyone makes a cake and everyone has one made for them.  It’s kind of dumb but whatever. Anyway.  Of course the one in charge of making my cake is the office ham.  Now mind you there are actually 2 office hams in my office that I’ve talked about on here,  but this one is the larger and more annoying of the two.  All she does is eat and talk about eating in an office where that has nothing to do with what we do.  It’s a personal dislike that has gone on for years along with just he regular ham hate but I try to be nice as I’m a receptionist and like the job.   This morning was the day she was to bring the dessert of my choice.  I chose brownies as sweets aren’t my thing, but I do enjoy a brownie every now and then.   As I’m orienting myself this morning I hear fatass huffing and puffing up to my desk.  ‘Cowtownrunner, my boys (her two teens and fatass husband who looks like he’s carrying triplets) wanted these brownies so bad last night!  Haha you know how men are with sweets, can’t control themselves!’ snort (it has a sinus problem or something that it never does anything about).  ‘Say, do you think that I could take whatever we don’t eat Home to them tonight?  They sure would appreciate it!  You know how men can eat!’ No, fatass.  My husband is a shitlord and a stoner who may enjoy dessert but never eats more than his share.  And he certainly wouldn’t have the gall to take someone else’s dessert meant for another’s birthday.   You guys, I’m not going to eat but maybe one small piece of this thing, but what can I do to twarp this beast’s plans that I’m sure actually involve sitting in its car and devouring the whole pan after work?