I almost ran over a jaywalking fat. I was making a left turn out of my gym's driveway, and this lardbeast was jaywalking. Literally, if it had walked 20 extra feet, it would have been safely in the crosswalk. There are only two reasons why I didn't run it over: one, it would have damaged my car, and two, the adipose splattered on the windshield would have traumatized my son, who was with me.  Stupid lazy fats.