I still can't believe what I witnessed today. I'm not generally one for Italian food, but an old friend was visiting, and my apartment is conveniently close to a somewhat upscale Italian place, so we decided to hit it up. OH BOY I had no idea what I was in for! When we arrived, we were seated at a table next to a fairly standard-sized family of planets. Little did I know that I was just given a front row seat to the most disgusting display of live gluttony I have witnessed so far in my 20-some years of existence. The star of the show: Father Planet At this place, even before you order appetizers, you're given a small loaf of bread with bottles of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Father Planet had a different idea. He had apparently ordered a dish of parmesan cheese before we arrived. While I was looking over the menu, I noticed him grab some parmesan cheese and put it on his little plate. He then proceeded to drown the cheese in oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper. That's all normal enough, I guess. Just a little different from how people usually eat their brea--OH! He's just eating it with a fork. He finished off his little plate, then filled it again. Then he ate that. Then the bread came out. He would take his knife and mold the bread into sort of a bowl, then proceed to take FIVE knives full of butter and fill his makeshift bread bowl, finishing it off with salt and pepper. He did this with a few pieces of bread until his bowl (not a cup) of minestrone arrived. He took one bite of minestrone, and the look of disgust on his face would have given you the impression that somebody just slapped his mother. He grabbed the olive oil and proceeded to do a full THREE SECOND pour into his soup. Finishing it off with a good 10 or 15 seconds of grinding pepper and a hearty shaking of salt. At this point, I just HAD to see what he was going to do with his main course. The waitress brought it out, and it was some sort of poultry and vegetables. He started eating it, and I figured I had seen his complete cycle of "I eat healthy and STILL can't lose weight!" fat logic. Nope. More oil. 10 seconds. I shit you not, brothers. I counted it out in my head. 10 fucking seconds of a solid stream of olive oil being poured onto a single dish for a single human being. I've cooked enough that I can easily eyeball a tablespoon. Conservatively, this was at least 1000 extra calories, but I'd honestly be surprised if it wasn't closer to 2000. It was so long that my brother had to try to get me to stop staring, but I just couldn't look away. I was so taken aback with a mixture of confusion, disgust, and childlike wonder. After the debris cleared, I realized I was just sitting with a blank expression on my face while I slowly poked at my salmon with a fork. As I thought back to what I just witnessed, all I could do was give a little laugh and attempt to finish my meal. This guy almost polished off an entire bottle of olive oil in a single sitting. Italian food is already calorie dense as fuck, and this guy probably added roughly 3000 calories IN A HALF HOUR. What the fuck