My nightmares are full of fatties. Good morning fine shitlords and ladies! On the bus to work this morning, browsing FPH, I checked out the article about Whitney Weighs More and it made me remember an awful dream I had starring the "dancing" fatty.  A few months ago I was hanging out with my best friend and my boyfriend, watching Rick and Morty. Laughing our asses off, shooting the shit, good times all around. We're all hungry and decide we're gonna order pizza. No big deal, none of us are fat, we understand the concepts of moderation and portion control. We finish our pizza and almost instantly I start to feel awful. Greasy and disgusting.  Best friend goes home, boyfriend and I go to sleep. Disgust fueled bad dreams ensue. I felt just as awful in the dream as I had felt when I was awake. I felt like a fucking land whale. I went to see my doctor, I'm in one of the clinic waiting rooms. In walks my doctor, who somehow happened to be Whitney Thore. I am confused as fuck. Fatty takes one look at me and shakes her head. "You look awful, what have you been doing to yourself?" "I had pizza..." She shakes her head and tells me she's gonna need to check my blood. She takes a thumbtack and pricks my thumb and a few drops spill onto a paper towel. For some reason we could see all the actual fat in it... and she's pointing it all out to me, almost gleeful that my blood has so much fat in it. "You really need to get this under control!"  "Okay... what do I do?" "You need to watch your diet, silly! For food, you're gonna need to eat a lot of butter chicken. Butter chicken is so good for you, it has so many nutrients to keep your body going and feeling healthy!" I don't know what the fuck is going on. Why in the fuck am I taking diet advice from someone who clearly doesn't know what she's talking about? What the fuck kind of advice can a butter golem give me?  "To keep hydrated, you need to drink cream soda..." I interrupt here. This is too much for my confused brain to handle. "But I just drink water..." Fatty is enraged by this. "NO! Water is so bad for you! You need to drink cream soda, it'll totally help you. Do what I do. I like to fill up one of those Big Gulp cups from 7/11 and fill it up with cream soda and drink it all, a couple times a day." She goes on about cream soda, and how it "nourishes" your body. The sugar revitalizes your cells and gets you amped up and ready to take on the day! She's still talking, and I finally reach a point where I'm just so confused and horrified by the bullshit she's spewing that I wake up.