"Thank you, Bottom Buddy™!  Before I brought you into my home and workplace, my life was in shambles. My roommate had tired of assisting me in delicate matters and workplace toileting was impossible.  My union refused to help me in assigning assistance and there was a petition being circulated around the office to have me removed.  I developed a rash and since I was unable to reach this area when I bathed it became smelly and painful. With Bottom Buddy ™ I no longer have to feign ignorance when people sniff around searching for the origin of the feces.  Best of all, I am no longer banned from the lunch room."