Whale Tales. Episode 1, A TV for all This is my first post but I'm a long time lurker, I thought I would start posting stories in my journey through this fat freak show called life. Picture an old school break room with a crappy old TV. Everyone was welcome to enjoy the TV while on break and we would just randomly watch whatever was on TV. This TV was very old though, it was one of those 100lb CRT televisions and we all decided we would chip in a few dollars to buy a new one and the boss would match whatever we raised. I was in charge of collecting the funds for the new TV and purchasing it. I had no problem collecting $5 or $10 from my human coworkers, but when it came to asking for the planetoid female objects which orbited around the black hole vending machine....that was another story. I swear to god I would have had better luck asking the local hobo for $5 then getting any money out of these so called people.  One lunch break I went up to planet Sally and asked if she had the $5 she promised for the TV. Unfortunately she had informed me that all she hadn't eaten all day and needed her last $5 for lunch. She then proceeds to deposit said $5 into the vending machine to purchase a snickers and a cheery coke. Now I don't judge people, but Sally isn't human, she's a disgusting fat pig who is always explaining her latest diet while chugging back on her cherry cokes. Which according to her has real cherries in it, so it's one of the healthier drinks you can drink. Anyways back to the TV, eventually I got a discount floor model 60" 4k TV that looked amazing. Well wait it looked amazing to some of us. After a few weeks the larger women in the company began to complain that the TV was making everyone look thin. Yes you read that correctly, the new television was broken and everyone was looking too thin. Eventually Sally got the remote control and figured out how to set the aspect ratio to the "correct" setting and everyone was fat again. In disbelief I stood there. Sally then explained to everyone how every TV needs to be adjusted because every TV is different. I hate to say this but about half the people nodded in agreement,  a few even mentioned they would adjust theirs when they got home as they had also noticed the "thinning" video issue but didn't know how to fix it. One guy even bellowed out "Sally here's $5, I was about to sell my new TV but you showed me how to fix it". I watched as she slid the $5 into the vending machine, with a loud thud the drink fell. With every ounce of strength she could muster she reached down and pulled out.....a cherry coke.