Fatties at the hibachi Happy Potentially-get-laid-and-eat-chocolate Day, fellow shitlords and ladies.  And now on to the fat hate. My boyfriend and I went out to this little Japanese restaurant for lunch and, unsurprisingly, it was swarming with fats. Opting for seats at the hibachi since there was no wait time there, I ended up sitting next to two REAL WOMYN about to feed their self-hate with copious amounts of oily rice. There was another stupidly ridiculous sort of female ham across the grill from me and I just immediately started laughing hysterically when I saw it because it was so obvious it had put a lot of effort into its appearance. Hooves all polished. Copious rolls stuffed into an expensive outfit. Hair poofed in an attempt to impersonate the hams from Hairspray. And for what? You're still a hideously disgusting eatbeast.  Derisive laughter. It's always the best response to hams. So the two heifers on my right were bound and determined to take a selfie of them both DEFYING THE PATRIARCHY BY NOT HAVING DA MENZ ON V-DAY. Or whatever. But while hamette (the smaller fat) was in charge of taking the selfie, Queen Oinker (the fatter fat) was never quite pleased with the outcome. By the end of their photo session, hamette was quite literally holding the phone over their heads in an attempt to hide all those chins.  More derisive laughter.  So then the hibachi guy came over and started grilling and as part of his show, he offered to throw little pieces of broccoli into people's mouths. Only three people took him up on it: my boyfriend, Miss Piggy from across the grill, and Miss Piggy's son who was very much human-sized, probably because his mom adds his meals to its own trough. Everyone caught their piece except for Miss Piggy who, surprisingly, seemed to have difficulty maneuvering its snout into place. Seeing this, my boyfriend immediately leaned over toward me and said, with no attempts made to be quiet about it, "Well, of course she didn't catch it. She's too fat to move around." It's so sexy when he shitlords.