How to Subtly Fat Shame Your Relatives on Thursday Choose your plate carefully. If you get a big dinner plate you can take the portion size that your fatty Aunt takes, but exclaim that it’s just so much food you couldn’t possibly finish it. Offer it to fatty relative of your choice as “you have a bigger appetite than I do”. Alternately, only eat from tea/dessert plates. Be sure to highlight difference between your portion size and theirs. Throw away uneaten portions in a bid to further highlight how much they eat compared to you.  Bring your own food or refuse to eat anything where the actual contents of the food cannot be clearly discerned. You never know what actual lard and cream a fat has made that dish with.  Insist on going for a post-meal walk. Couch it as “thanks for our health and ability to care for our bodies”. Laugh when fats cannot or will not join.  If you want to really go for it, fast or have some negative days beforehand or whatever you need to do to eat as much as they do. Brag about your “fast metabolism” and “genetics”. Make sure to do the same thing at Christmas to really make them think that you just eat like that all the time and don’t gain.  Warning with this one: suddenly consuming large quantities of shitty food can and will give you the fat shits. Proceed with caution lest you end up in the toilet with the rest of the pigs.  Anyone else have some good shitlording ideas? (Edited for formatting issues)