I am never leaving my house again. Airport hams. Conference hams. Hams everywhere. Never again. Gonna hide in my house and venture only to my safe spaces: running routes, my shitperson-only gym, the prepped meal cafe.  Conference hams: ate all the damn cookies. I just wanted one but nope, ate 'em all.  Airport hams: one is sitting next to me using the outlet, and the smell, Dear Lord. Once my phone is charged I'm gone. Another rammed me with its backpack.  Hams everywhere: even in NYC. Manhattan. More like Manhamtan. On the subway. Waddling slowly up 5th. Reeing and tee-heeing.