Shitlord Family It's probably a bit late in the year to be posting a Christmas story, but as I haven't been around, I suppose I will share it anyways, and keep it concise. This holiday season, my partner and I went to his family's holiday party. In previous years we have gone to see my family, and so this was my first time meeting his extended family. His father was one of five children, and had many cousins, and so their family is really big. There were several people that even he had not met before, since a couple of his cousins have had children or have married over the past few years.  Something that has always surprised me about his family is that out of his many relatives, and I do mean many, only two marriages have ever ended in divorce. As a scientist, I have thought of many possible hypotheses for why this could be the case, most revolving around socialization and a genetic/hormonal propensity for monogamy. Upon meeting many of these fine folk for the first time, however, I thought of a new hypothesis. It was a colossal (teehee) realization to meet them and discover that he has no fat relatives. They are a clan of shitlords and shitladies. Given that many a ham has complained about their partner's penchant for thin bodies, I don't think it is an unreasonable hypothesis to say that there is a lower rate of divorce at least in part because of their ability to take care of themselves and remain healthy.  I was galvanized in my desire to remain thin and desirable for all of my days, lest I be left for someone less corpulent.  That is all.