Shitlady store manager laughs at a Ham Squeaker after her failed interview This story is circa early 2000s. I used to work at a vitamin store for my summer job when I was home from college.  The 2nd summer I did that, I was working at a small store on the outskirts of town with very little foot traffic. Shitlady manager is rail thin, works out 2 hours a day, and avoids carbs. I come into work one day and see what I assume to be a female due to the hair length.  Her face was fat in a way that makes you wonder if that's where it all goes first on this particular specimen and pretty much obscures any kind of identifying markers.  Like, it had flooded the field that was her face and the only identifying landmarks were her eyes, nose, and mouth.   I'm not even sure how to classify this one.  I think her frame wasn't mean for the load it was bearing.  She wasn't a Hamplanet but definitely ready to burst from her small fat cocoon.  Her size was either obscuring any female traits or she didn't have them to begin with which is why I could only go by the hair.  She skips (?) out like she's been excused for lunch next door (Burger King).  I think her body language was trying to say that she thinks she aced the interview but it's hard to hear the muffled screams of her body under all that "genetics".  The reason why I put a question mark there is because I have a hard time describing what I saw in one word.  She walked like she was tank controlled.  No lateral or sharp angles in movement.  Just forward facing movements that meant taking corners by turning, going forward, turning, and then going forward again.  Her arms seemed pasted to her sides with only her wrists able to move about freely.  So, her forward movements were "accentuated" by the up and down flapper of her wrists. The wrists bopped in time to the skip-like movement I assume she was attempting. By far, the strangest thing was that she squeaked.  No joke, no exaggeration, and no it wasn't her shoes.  She literally squeaked with every step she made.  I swear the sound was coming from somewhere around her midsection, but I didn't want to get close enough to find out.  Shitlady comes out with a look on her face that tells me to never let "that one" back in.  Asked what the problem was. "That girl was strange!  She literally thought that the best way to help people was to shove supplements into their face unrelentingly.  Like, physically push the bottle under their nose while giggling (tee hee) and not taking no as an answer!" I almost snort from a restrained laugh.  All I can think is "probably eats that way." "She said that she likes to help people with weight loss." Okay, I'm about to lose it.  I need to change the subject but before I can she says... "I don't believe that for a second.  Did you get a good look at her?  I swear she ate next door before coming for the interview!  She smelled like it and I think I saw crumbs!  In fact, I think she just went back there!"  Now I laugh.  She laughs.  We hire a high school football player instead to help sell creatine.  It was all in good fun. Epilogue: Her resume was left out so I caught a glance of it.  She was working at a grocery store my friend managed.  After my shift, I went there to see him and asked about her under the guise of checking her references.  Being busy, he said to meet him in the back and handed me a note that read "KILL THAT PIG!"  When we escaped to the back, he told me that the other employees hate her, the customers hate her, and she squeaks when she walks.  He thinks she wants to bound around like some kind of fairy or horse but her fat keeps her from leaving the ground during her "movement" and causes a strange squeak/whistle from air squeezing about in her folds.  He elaborated that he wasn't sure which folds were squeaking air but every coworker had a theory.  For some god awful reason, her dream is to work in a vitamin store.  That was never going to happen because shitlady manager called all the other ones in the area warning them. Oh, and shitlady manager was right.  Her car was parked at the Burger King after the interview.   TL:DR- Squeaky Ham wants to get a job at a vitamin store selling weight loss products.  Shitlady manager declines for obvious reasons and salts the earth.  Another friend confirms the fatness.