Fatties at work So I recently dropped my previous job for a simple serving job. It's a big pay cut but the tips are good and I wanted to put a few months of serving experience on my resume because I'm moving to Australia for a year and will likely only find work on orchards or in restaurants.  Why am I surprised that a food related job has so much fat involved?  Here's my short but growing list of fatty experiences: We hired a fatty: she waddled at the speed of smell, never smiled, and asked customers stuff like "do you want to eat" instead of "hi there, you can take a seat anywhere you'll like- I'll be right with you!" like we should. Very rude to everyone. Stole peoples tips. Stole a bottle of whiskey from the bar. "Stole" her own tips to claim the tip amount from the restaurant's money (taking double tips), saying that it isn't her fault that thieves steal so why should she suffer. I once asked her to fill the sugars, she said she did, surprise: she didn't. This happened every day. As you can guess she was very swiftly fired. Her termination came via a text from the manager that read, in a gist, "we don't feel that you are a good fit for our team, but we thank you for your time and wish you the best." Her reply was "wtf how dare you stuff was stolen before I ever worked there." No one had mentioned theft to her, so that was a confession and a half right there. She then proceeded to storm back into the restaurant, cause a scene, terrify customers, and we all ended up getting a mass text from the owner saying "Fatty is hostile and banned from the premises, call the police immediately if she comes in and do not leave her unattended until police or management arrive." Nutcase. Obese customers, McDubble and Beetus. McDubble ordered our large poutine piled high with extra cheese, bacon, a fried egg, carmalized onions, and extra gravy. Most grown men have to lean back for a bit with a cold glass of water after eating the medium poutine with no additions. This monster shoved it all down his gullet. Beetus ordered a breakfast platter that is typically shared between two adults, containing eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, pancakes, refried beans, fruit, and thick homemade hash brown patties. The lone beast ate it all. Except the fucking fruit. Fat party: Three obese women come in for lunch today. One of them immediately grabs at my shirt to admire it (it's pretty boss but who the fuck does that? Don't ever touch your server, even if you're just some fat bitch jealous of a fucking material.) Only fatties have that kind of abrasive gall. Their table is swiftly filled with calamari (none of the bell peppers were eaten, we add diced ones for colour and also they're delicious) poutine (pulled pork on top) pretzels (enough carbs and sodium for a week) and some massive sandwiches with fries galore. One of them had a coffee and used 8 creamers. Jesus. Syrup assault: This massive fat couple came in this moring. Each wanted an order of waffles. Single or double? Single order each, equates to one average sized waffle per person, reasonable. That surprised me that they showed that much restraint. Until, that is, they had me bring not one, but two completely filled syrup pitchers. The tiny metal "pitchers" hold about 4-5 ounces of syrup each. They each had one to themselves, and finished it off. The waffles turned into paste they were so syrupy. That's at least 300 calories per person, from a fucking condiment. 415cal per waffle, 200cal worth of butter. That is a 915 calorie breakfast. Each. 3/4 my daily intake. I don't even want to imagine what they eat during the rest of the day.  Bonus: I always compliment, with awe and wonder and pride, at how impressive and awesome the fatasses are for eating entire mountains of food. They're not used to it, so they are very flattered for being congratulated and so they tip me better because they are that stupid and easy to manipulate. In reality, when I say "wow, I've never seen anyone finish that dish before, I'm impressed!" I'm actually holding back a chunk of vomit. The extra $3-$5 adds up wonderfully, and that money might go towards a few Aussie gym visits during my stay.