Fatties at the nursing home : fat coworkers, aka "her stomach hit me in the face" Hi FPH, shitlady nurse alpaca here again, this time with tales about my coworkers.  My coworkers come in different shapes and sizes.  We have the itty bitty commite starting at 4'9, and the giants at 7 somewhere. We have skinnies, averages, could-lose-a-few-pounds-but-ok, skinnyfit, cardio bunniesbunnies, athletes, gym bros, buffbuff, overweight, fat and Very fat. If the pride parade had a size parade our workplace would be a good candidate. We will cover the fat ones today. Hooray.  Tiny spaces Our patients live in their own rooms, with a tiny kitchen, bedroom and a bathroom. Most of the patients have wheelchairs, so it can be pretty tight amongst their furniture. It's especially tight when you're trying to get the patient from the chair to somewhere else (toilet for example).  Shitlord/lady advantages include being able to fit into these small spaces. I can easily stuff my body between the wall and the wheelchair, or in the bathroom between sink, toilet, wheelchair and patient. This means that I don't have to do anything weird strategical maneuvers to do my job.  Fats, on the other hand, do. I havent had a chance to see it often but from what I've seen and heard I imagine it's like trying to cram a big blob of goo (the ones that kids play with that make farting sounds) into a very small container. Hilarious. And inconvenient for our patients. Which leads us to  "Her stomach hit me in the face" Peggy is a woman with a medical list that is a mile lon.. She requires time and lots of help from the staff. She sits in a wheelchair and needs support when going to the bathroom. Remember the tiny spaces? Yeah. It's pretty damn tight with the wheelchair standing in the middle of the room, but if you're a shitlord you will have little problems.  So one day when Im in there Peggy tells me she hopes Lardy  doesn't come in to her ever again. What? Apparently Lardy got called in yesterday cause someone was sick. She usually works at another ward but graced my ward with her greasy self. Halleluja. No wonder the paintings had fallen down.  Peggy is very fussy so I wondered if she just didn't like Lardy cause she was new. Oh I wish. Lardy's large frame barely fit in the bathroom. She had an almost perfectly rotund body that made moving around difficult. Poor Peggy had ended up with Lardy's fat in her face. A lot. And she got Lardy's butt in her face as well. Poor lady. She was also stressful, but the stomach was the deal breaker.  I have since worked with Lardy and the way she takes up the space between our counter and kitchen Island gives me a very good idea of how she fared in Peggy's room.  The day I learned why fat coworkers didn't use the toilet in our changing room.  Most of the toilets at my job are made for people with wheelchairs, so they're bigger than your average toilet. So far I have only seen one toilet that's smaller and that one happens to be in the female changing room. They somehow managed to cram a sink and a toilet into a tiny tiny broom closet.  My coworker Mommy worked long into her pregnancy. Her midrif had ballooned up a lot and it was visible on her tiny frame. Im pretty sure she gave birth to the hulk but I cant ask her until she's back from maternity leave.  Well, Mommy was all peaches and happy with her pregnancy. The only issue poor Mommy had was the toilet in the changing room. You can guess where this is going.  Her stomach made it impossible for her to comfortably turn around inside the toilet. The only way she could make it work was if she walked backwards without turning.  I, shitlady that I am, had never reflected over how tiny it is. It cant possibly be THAT tiny. Apparently it was. The next time a fatty said she would go upstairs before the rest cause she had to pee I nearly doubled over in laughter.  Shitlord toilet 1,fatties 2. Mommy doesn't count.  "it's so hard to find work clothes that fit " Im a temp/timed worker which means that II share clothes. They get thrown into a hamper after every use. They get washed a lot, about as often as a fatty eats. Some people grew up beneath rocks cause a lot of the clothes has shrunk. Again, bless being a shitlord cause there are no problems with the clothes. Fatties, however... They have great issues. Im convinced our boss begun buying pants with string instead of zippers cause she got tired of all the pants where the zipper busted (the xs and s with zippers still work, imagine that). She even bought some xxl pants recently. We will see how it goes.  **Silver lining * We have some shitlords. Not just thin, but shitlords. One guy is droolworthy. And he makes delicious pie (that he didn't eat cause 'that pie wasnt worth the extra workout).  There are also others who nearly choke on their coffee when I mutter about fatties. They agree with me, but they're not vocal about it.  And that's it for now.