Hamplanets are bad parents as usual I went to pick my son up from kindergarten and am stuck in the gravitational pull of two spheres as I wait to get out the door.  I thought there was only one planetary mass in our local galaxy but I came a few minutes earlier today to catch sight of Pluto.  Pluto, the smaller of the two, is what we'd call a dwarf planet these days at 300+lbs.  Pluto gussied itself up with its hair, makeup and nails done - wearing leggings, of course.  When they have finally waddled out of the way, I look towards where my car is parked and notice a toddler wandering alone at the other end of the schoolyard.  I don't want to scoop somebody's kid up without giving them an opportunity to act, so I keep an eye on him in case he makes a dash for the road.  I see this one year old start looking for his mom before she's even noticed he's gone.  Jupiter was putting its other kids in the car before it even noticed there's one missing.  Jupiter finally looks over and locks eyes with this kid now that he's standing near me a block away.  Does she run waddle over to snatch him up?  Yell for him to come to her?  No, the whale stays anchored in place and lets the toddler run to her, trusting he won't wander into all the cars coming and going who could easily hit him.  Jupiter is probably so goddamn fat it can't tell when the hamspring have wandered away from the protection and shade of its fupa. How do you not pay attention to a kid who is barely old enough to walk?  Kids are stupid as shit, they will choose danger 98% of the time.  I can't even tell how many billions of years Jupiter has been around.  It looks 50, but all its children are disturbingly young.  Which means someone used the fupa broom on it pretty recently.  At least within the last 400lbs.  I wasn't stuck in a cloud of stench as I walked behind it, so at least I can thank nature for sparing me that.