Marine mammal wanted to argue with lifeguards, gets an impromptu lesson in physics. (story) This one's a bit old, but years ago I was a lifeguard at a waterpark. For those of you who have never been to one or don't really frequent ones, these sorts of places are common destination for landwhale lard sack of shit parents, probably due to a mixture of familiarity (the whales like to be in their natural habitat), easy access to large quantities of junk food and the ability to not have to be responsible for their kids for a few hours. So anyway, we'd just had a new slide built, it was one of those where you get in an inner tube, slide down and then end up in a toilet bowl sort of thing... That being said, this one was slightly atypical in that before the "toilet bowl" section, there was a sort of wall-half pipey thing that you'd slide over, it was really fun but because of physics there was a weight limit on the ride. The park tried to be as un-fatshamey as possible; Everyone had to step on a scale and then it'd light up 1 of 3 colors; Green for good, yellow meaning the combined weight could only go on the 2-person tube, and red meaning fuck off you disgusting blob of shit.  So it's a nice day, the other lifeguard and I were working the ride when suddenly we see the whale cresting over the stairs. This thing was so big it had to wear a bikini that covered its FUPA, but EVEN THEN IT STILL HAD A FUPA. Of course, this beast had her pod with her, and I just sort of gave a knowing look to my companion upon realizing that she'd also spotted the creature. Her family all went before her aside from her and her two young daughters when she stepped up toward the scale, Literally causing the platform to shake as her hooves impacted the ground. Yellow light comes on, but she started stepping toward the slide entrance anyway. Other lifeguard stops her, points to the rules sign and explains to her that she would only be able to ride the ride if she was on a tube with someone else. Obviously not used to not having things her way, she protested, yelling at the guy about "having been on here last year" despite the ride not being open last year, and after a solid minute of trying to argue with the lifeguard, her little girl stepped forward and said that she'd ride with her. They both step on the scale, and after a few seconds, the light turns red. Now, being the high speed bitch I am, I had figured out that the weight limit for this ride for two people was 450 lbs. The girl was no older than 8 or 9 and looked to be about 60 pounds at most, so this woman was 350+, bordering on 400. This time she notices the giant light 12 inches away from her face and asked "Whuts that mean?" with a sneering, scrunched up look on  her face.  Again, I refer her to the rules sign right next to her explaining what the colors on the scale mean, explaining that she'd not be able to get on the ride, even with someone else. She took to anger quickly, shouting about waiting 20 minutes in line, sitting out in the sun, not being able to find an umbrella to sit under (wtf?) and making the typical threats to call the manager/media/etc. After she failed at that she resorted to asking politely, and I just continued to say that due to safety and insurance issues, we couldn't let people over a certain weight on the ride. Now bear in mind that she's now been sitting here for about 5 minutes, and while there are 2 guards working the ride it really slows down the line when one of them is trying to reason with a fat cunt. Suddenly I see another human cutting his way through the line up the stairs, what a convenient time for the next guard to stop texting in the break room and actually go to his next station! This happened to be my older guy friend that had worked there a few years before (and basically got me the job), and when he saw me trying to communicate with the overweight creature, he asked what was going on. I explained the situation and before I could even finish he just turned away and said "Alright ma'am, set 1 foot on, 1 foot off." Lo and behold, green light, hambeast smiles in satisfaction at doing her daily deed to smash the fatphobic patriarchal capitalist system, grabs the single tube back from her kid and gets ready to get on. By this time I'm already headed down the slide (Faster than walking down, one of the perks of working there I guess), but I turn back just in time to see her go down. Everything's fine until she hits the bottom of the slope, an audible creek coming from the metal of the slide as she starts to go up the side of it. When she reaches the top she doesn't stop, for gravity, the greatest shitlord of all was hearing his ugly ciswhitemale head. She kept going, ejecting the slide a full 5 feet, the underside of the innertube scraping against the edge of the slide as she did so. At this point a visceral wail came from the beast, and from my perspective on the ground I saw and heard her smash back down against the bottom of the slide, the excess momentum causing her to crash into the relatively flat portion of the slide, rather than the sloped "Landing Zone" designed with actual humans in mind. I stood in shock, my thoughts shifting to the possibility of having to help give first aid to this thing, but I was quickly relieved when I saw her eject from the slide, followed in short order by the tube she went down on, which presumably had slipped out to freedom on impact. I walked away satisfied; the next day my friend and the guard at the bottom of the slide told me that after she got off, she literally laid down next to the slide exit for 5 minutes, panting and wheezing before getting up and waddling off. Even though this beast escaped my attempts at shitladying, she could not escape the one true shitlord, reality.