Magic: The Shitlording There's no active shitlording in this post, because I really want to stick with this group (that ham is not a part of), but I had to share my endeavors. I've been playing magic for quite a while now; a six weeks or so of FNM. My usual playgroup is made up of mostly regular fats, some planets; there are only two other humans. Most of them know their place when it comes to being ashamed of themselves, but there was a new fat who came along to either check out the place or he had just not been there in a long time because I've been here every Friday for almost two months. He came into the store sweating (it's freakin' cold at night, when FNM is), with no visible cards or decks or really anything other than his wallet in his back pocket. Cool, maybe he's just here to buy some stuff. Right? No. Here's where I'll start calling him "CardBarge". Everyone was sat down preparing for the game, and Cardbarge sits at the table. He's in the game. He doesn't have a deck on him; he doesn't seem to know anyone here so he can't be borrowing a deck- nope. He lifts up his fupa, and pulls out a storage box. Not a 100 card box, but a 800 fucking card box. The smell is fucking bad - like this dude had only cleaned himself with shit-covered toilet paper for the past three months. His hair was greasy, he had a fucking forehead fupa. No one is even phased. The other humans have been around these shits so long that fat fucks being fat fucks is normal, the other people are all freaking fat enough that disgusting isn't disgusting. I was the only visibly uncomfortable one, which made everyone else feel uncomfortable for not being uncomfortable.  Before the first game, Cardbarge had the fucking nerve to comment on the fact that I got a diet soda. Sure, soda's shit for your health no matter what it is, but my one diet coke is the lesser of evils when compared to his 5 full-sugar Monsters. I pay the 50c for the soda and start to come back to my table. Cardbarge is sitting at the other end of the table, and pops in with a "If you're going to get overcharged for soda, why not get real soda?" I swear to Lord Beetus it was exactly like a "real womyn" thing but with his choice of carbonated cancer.  After the four-turn Narset bullshit game (Bezzy's deck, you'll hear about him later), he comes to my spot to criticize my deck even though he was the first one (and only) out of the game before infinite turns. Doing so, he spits all over my drink, my cards (sleeved, thankfully), and someone else's drink. So Cardbarge not only doesn't support the gameshop (brings his own soda, doesn't pay the seat fee. shop is local and friendly and charges just enough to keep afloat for fuck's sake), he spreads who-knows-what on his cards from under his folds, and he fucking spit in my drink. Lets hope he doesn't show his face again.