I tried to force a ham to walk, fat shaming ensued. So my friend invited me to hang out with her. I get to her house only to discover her sister (Who is in college, we're high school students)  is there. Turns out her sister is a ham. Anyway we were pretty much doing nothing when I suggest we go to (Generic touristy part of town) and play hide and seek. We play a round with me seeking, then it's my turn to hide. Heres when the shitlording happens. I realized that we set no boundaries on where we could hide. This is when my good little shitlord mind went to work. They start counting and took off running. Ran about a mile to a local landmark, and then started texting the ham (Who was the one searching) pretty obvious pun based clues. The goal being to force the ham to walk like a human being and then shame it for being out of breath. The ham found the other 2 people who were hiding nearby, and they headed for me. The ham, naturally, took her car instead of walking. Thankfully I had a backup plan. The ham finds me, and we start walking toward her car. When the car comes into view I said "Are we driving back? I was looking forward to walking. The weather is so nice today!". The ham said I was nuts. I said "If I dont walk id get so fat!" The ham then fell into my trap. "Why don't you then?" She said, thinking she had cornered me. I then took of running. I ran as fast and hard as I could back to her house. When I knocked on the door she opened it with the most butthurt expression on her face. She then retreated to her room to "Prepare for a party".  Me and my friend then had a conversation about fitness n stuff. I tried to convince her to get fit. Explaining how rewarding and pleasurable it is. She wasn't having it, but then her parents came in. Me and her parents then worked together to try to convince her to stop eating sugar, to run every morning, lift, etc. You could tell her parents thought I was an awesome role model, and her mom actually hugged me. She wasn't having any of it however, and I probably ruined that friendship. Totally worth it. I left shortly after, the ham attempting to stare me down on the way out. All in all a pretty awesome evening.