They get high off fat and sugar; they're drug addicts, not amateur chefs. I've made something similar to this before. Except it was rice made with homemade chicken broth (which I used to deglaze some sautéed onions that were left over from frying a breast) and it had a tablespoon of butter instead of a whole goddamn stick. It also, you know, had flavour from things like herbs and spices. Whatever the fuck this thing's prepared is an insult to cooking.