Of Cake and Fats. So,  I was at Wally World (Wal-Mart) last night , looking for a few things for my brother (his birthday coming up soon). I decided on trying to make him a cake, never done it before, so - why not?  So, I'm in the flour aisle with all the other ingredient type shit and as soon as I look to my right:  Bam. A fucking Butter Atmosphere on a scootypuff and its Beetus Goblin in tow. Now, my chest was already caving in at the absolutely mind-raping image of fat hanging out of what I think used to be a woman at some points' shorts. But that's not where it ended, oh fuck no. Naturally, like any human being, my mind was in fucking defcon four and had shut out any sense of smell whatsoever. So, I'm standing there, glancing over occasionally at Hamplanet-mcgee (I think its gravitational pull was affecting my vision) while trying to decide on which flour I wanted. That's when the Beetus Goblin decided to rudely push her way past a couple of people to head for, you guessed it dear reader, the metric-fuck ton of baking chocolate right next to me.  I think my brain was shutting down or something because I let out an audible scoff and judging on the information I learned from Jurassic Park, it detected another human and muttered something under its' breath.  "Move, please." I think it said, honestly, it could have just been its healthy 300+ lb body struggling to keep up with its high level of athleticism.  Good god, the smell. Imagine wet sandpaper and mildew, got it yet? I'd rather drag my testicles through broken glass and barbed wire than smell that again. Immediately, what little left of my face had fallen off and I backed up a bit. Well, Butter Goblin didn't seem to find my distaste of her pungent odor too endearing.  "Woah, where's the fire?" I said with as much of a chuckle as I could muster.  Apparently, that wasn't the right course of action.  "I'm gonna make a cake." It somehow replies to me even though I swear its mouth hadn't moved.  Every fiber of my being wanted me to walk away before I said anything, but, it wouldn't be much of a story if I did, now would it? Being as it was late and I was fairly tried, I said,  "Oh. You could have fooled me."  Uh oh.  The mix of confusion and muh condishuns across Beetus Goblin was like those old Master Card commercials:  Absolutely fucking priceless. It's mother(?) on the scootypuff came rolling up shortly after, I had already grabbed what I wanted and turned to head out of the aisle when I hear Beetus Goblin mutter something about me being rude or whatever. Didn't care and just walked off. Looking back, I wish I would have said more, but I still can't believe how pushy and inconsiderate planets can be. I guess that's to be expected at Wal-Mart, but Christ, do basic manners mean nothing to these piles of living garbage? PS:  Saw Beetus Goblin at the check-out line with a two liter of Beetus and chips. Gave me a dirty look, I just laughed.  Tl;dr:  Fats don't understand basic manners or how to function in public.