Doctor privately bares her shitlord soul Well, it's finally happened shitlords.  Your boy /u/darthbrodin has been diagnosed with a condishun and yes, it's muh thyroid. I have hypothyroidism.  And low human growth hormone.  And low cortisol.  And low adrenal hormones.  And low testosterone.  I have a giant tumor on my fucking pituitary gland that is fucking with my shit. Somehow that hasn't stopped me from maintaining a BMI in the high 22's/low 23's and running multiple (fast-ish) marathons, 50ks, and a bunch of shorter distances.  I have a resting heart rate of 36.  Thirty fucking six.  Measured by an EKG machine. When the (95 lb asian female) doctor is reading off the findings from the blood work, we had a short, sweet, shitlordy conversation: Her: you actually have a low thyroid level. Me: you sound surprised Her: I test for thyroid a lot and it's almost never actually low. Me: but you're an endocrinologist, surely you must get a lot of that. Her: I get a lot of requests to check it and a whole lot of negatives actually Me: I heard the only reason anyone has diabetes is because of muh thyroid (said in slurred fat voice) Her: laughs yes apparently a lot of people hear that Me: well I'm glad my tumor is more stimulating than discussions about A1C and foot amputations Her: laughs yes it is certainly a more interesting case than diabetes Me: so now that I have hypothyroidism am I allowed to gain 300 pounds and start a tumblr account and take nude pictures of my hot dadbod? Her: well I would definitely not recommend intentionally gaining weight and surely whatever you are doing to maintain your weight is working so just keep doing that Me: can you write me a note about muh condishuns so I can be excused from gym class and get free extra food? Her: you're not the first person who has asked me that actually but no I am afraid I can't do that Me: well darn, I guess I'll just get my tumor chopped off and continue to live like a normal human. Her: I wish all of my patients had that attitude. Life is brighter when you can turn a fucking brain tumor into an opportunity to remind our medical professionals that shitlords do still exist and there is hope for humanity after all.