College Fatspotting As with almost anywhere in the United States, there are a lot of fat people in my college. It could be worse-- my state is about smack in the middle of states ordered from lowest to highest obesity-- but being that this means 30% of the state is obese, I see plenty of butterhuffers on the regular. And something about a dining hall where you can eat whatever you want essentially whenever is bound to attract these specimens. However, there is one massive female creature I see very rarely. It's one of those fats with very evenly distributed mass, to the point where it is essentially a sphere. It is quite stout as well, emphasizing its similarity to a globe. Whenever I see it, it's hobbling to class or in the dining hall. It does not actually DINE there, though. Instead, it brings a massive green plastic to-go box. I am not exaggerating in any fashion when I say that it packs 4-5 slices of pizza in there, as many chocolate chip cookies as it can fit, and some fries or some other sort of junk (everything has been so smashed together in the box the times I've seen it that I'm not sure what's what). I have never seen it eating in the dining hall at all, but I've heard my friends express shock at a 'super fat short girl with like 6 slices of pizza in her box' on quite a few occasions. I was standing in line for dessert behind this creature once, planning to get two chocolate chip cookies from the jar. I don't think it could hear me walk up behind it over the sound of the cholesterol clogging its arteries, because it kept slowly and methodically picking up one cookie after another and putting them in its expansive tray. (These are large cookies, by the way.) I just kind of stared and watched, waiting for it to be done. I actually thought that there might be no cookies left by the time the whale was through. When the last cookie was placed, it realized I was there and looked back at me. My eyes were fixed on the brimming tray. It looked away in what I like to imagine is shame and shuffled away. (I, meanwhile, decided to get one cookie instead of two after that entire spectacle.) I've been hoping to get a picture of this obeast- and maybe, if I'm lucky, its overflowing tray of junk. However, it leaves what I imagine to be its wrapper-and-bottle-filled cave so rarely that I haven't had the chance... yet.