Shitlord coworker saying what we're all thinking This happened this morning.  So I work for the federal government and there's a ridiculous police presence around the building all the time. Now, I've never looked into what it takes to become a federal police officer, but I assumed there would be much higher standards than at the state level. All of the officers I encounter are in very good condition. To my understanding, once you become an officer you serve a certain number of years patrolling and then you can choose to become a special agent...which I assumed would hold you to the same high standard, maybe even higher. On this particular morning there was a large crowd at the door and I was trying to leave with a few of my coworkers (who are all well built military or former military members, thank god). Every once and a while a special agent would be walking through the crowd asking people to move. So I hear another one coming and since all the other ones were human sized I moved slightly to the side to make a small window for them to pass. A few seconds later I see this mass begin eclipsing my peripheral vision. I turn and see this wall of blue and khaki waddling toward me. I step to make room for this mass and practically step on/run into shitlord coworker, who is against the wall. To paint you a better picture, this fatass was about 5'7" and at least 350 lbs.   We take a moment to watch this beast walk past and another to pick our jaws up off the floor. I cover my mouth with my jacket in an attempt to hide my laughing (I'm a secret shitlady) when shitlord coworker goes, "Holy shit! Is she really a special agent?! She's the size of a planet! She wouldn't be able to chase anyone! Don't they have some sort of fitness requirement? Damn, I guess they let anyone be a cop these days." The beast had waddled too far away to hear him. I still can't wrap my brain around the fact that they let that butter beast carry a firearm let alone think it can protect anything besides a bucket of McBeetus. I feel like a saw a terrible unicorn. This must be how one of my bosses felt that day he saw a fatass Marine.