Day Care Dinosaur is actual bean bag chair for babies. Guys. I have so many fat stories. I’m going to dredge one up every now and again. I apologize for the backstory, I just want you to understand how absurd this all was.  Many moons ago, I used to work in child care. I loved it. It prepared me for raising my own little kid, kept me in great shape, and had flexible hours so I could continue going to school. I worked anywhere from infants-preschool. If you know anything about childcare, it draws in 2 types of people. 1. The spunky young teacher whose body has not been “ruined by kids.” (Lol) and are genuinely interested in education And 2. The laziest, vilest manatees who assume they’re clocking in to graze and lay around while other people’s kids run wild.  The infant room is my favorite. But you really have to have a particularly disposition to be in a room full of humans whose only form of communication is crying. Never bothered me, but I can understand why it would irritate some people. The infant room isn’t as “easy” as you would assume, either. Sure, we have new borns from 6 weeks old. But the infant room includes babies up to a year and a half. You have a room full of tiny, crawling, and some walking babies. It’s constant go go go, and you really have to be on the ball to keep them occupied. Everything is on a schedule, you’re also making sure you have all of their things prepared ahead of time, according to that schedule. Snacks, diapers, bottles, etc. In my opinion, raising children, especially small ones requires a very determined amount of discipline- even if they aren’t your own.  Anywho, I worked at what was considered a pretty “upscale” center. We’re talking $1,200 a month for an infant. You would think that they would flag their workers upon interviewing to at least appear competent. But no, of course not.  One day, whilst taking care of the babies, we had a substitute come in from a different location of the same company. I was astounded as to how large she was. For those of you who don’t know, daycares are a money making operation. So, while they look cute, it’s all about how may freaking kids you can cram in a room while draining their parents of money and working the teachers for just above minimum wage. This includes the cribs. Every infant is legally required to have a crib that they can sleep in, while enrolled in daycare. And every crib has to be a certain amount of feet apart from another one, to prevent overcrowding.  Now, there’s not that much space in the crib areas. It’s maybe 2-3 feet. Plenty of room for a normal sized individual, and 2-3 little walking or crawling babies to crowd around a crib. Lol.  But this woman- could do nothing useful. I mean it. She was too fat to fit between the cribs to get the babies in and out of naps. She was too fat to stand to change diapers. She was too fat to prepare their bottles or food at the counter, (because standing is hard) and she was too fat to even sit in any of the designated rocking chairs to hold and soothe a baby. All she could do was sit, on the floor. For her ENTIRE shift. She looked like she was melting into the floor, it was bizarre.  Now, when I worked, we had to check on sleeping babies every 15 minutes and mark off that we did so. Guess who couldn’t do that because she couldn’t fit in the spaces to check on the babies? You got it. This bitch.  She had that “woe is me” mentality where she constantly commented on how she was a victim of circumstance, and how she tries so hard, but she’s just always got this, that and the other thing preventing her from doing anything. It was disgusting, annoying, and made everyone’s day harder to have to traipse around her.  Now, kids are inherent shit lords. Children pull no punches with who they prefer. All children prefer slim, attractive people. They smile more readily, and trust you easier. This woman couldn’t get a kid to stay happy to save her life. Maybe because her jowls pulled her face down into a perpetual frown. I don’t know.  Either way, I saw her twice. The fired her for being a useless sack of shit. You can’t just sit around and pretend to work. It was relieving.