UPDATE: EatBeast Roommate, Heartache, and 3-day-old moldy rice pudding/beetus cake Hello shitlords and shitladies!  Sorry I didn't get around to posting sooner. The Beast caught a cold and, because its immune system has been essentially fucked over by a tsunami of junk food, it's been too bedridden to do much of anything. This would be 100% fine with me, except the list of 'doing anything' sadly includes showering. It's been 4 days.  I have some pretty bad news :( My shitlord boyfriend and I have called it quits, because he leaves in just 3 weeks for the better part of 3 months. I thought we'd be able to make it work, because we've been together way longer than that, but he didn't agree. We talked amicably about still being friends, but we're in that awkward phase right now where it all feels kind of weird. After we broke up, I came home and I cried for awhile, probably because I'm a little bitch, but that's fine. When I was all cried out, I came out of the bedroom, only to find it in the living room. I must've not heard it come in. I guess I'm just used to the mid-sized earthquakes it produces.  "You look really bad," it said to me. Yeah, my eyes were puffy and my hair was a mess, but I'm not 300 FUCKING POUNDS. I was too out of it to throw it back at her, and I feel very terrible to have missed such a good opportunity to shitlord.  I wound up sleeping at a friend's house, after falling asleep watching a movie. When I came home, I was faced with a completely trashed kitchen. It looked like a baby baboon attempted to turn our kitchen into a meth lab. Shit was everywhere, ingredients on the countertops, the stove completely covered in some sort of milky-looking shit (which I later discovered was her attempt to scald coconut milk...?) and there were no less than four bowls strewn everywhere, each with a different batter-looking shitsmear in them.  "What's that?" I asked.  "Rice pudding. I made it three days ago. I found a recipe for a rice pudding cake online, so I'm trying to make that."  I didn't say anything. I went to the bedroom and grabbed a pair of running tights and my shoes. It asked me if I was feeling any better. I told it I was going to go for a run.  I don't hate it because it makes rice pudding cakes. Don't get me wrong, that shit looked nasty, but that's not it. I hate it because I can't relate to it on a human level. I can't talk to it how I talk to my girlfriends, chatting about dating and breakups and other things like that, because it simply has no experience. I hate it because it creates this awkward obstacle, trying to explain to this beast how breakup emotions work and why I just want to be left alone, because it's essentially a retarded child.  And I hate it because it hasn't showered in four days.  I'll keep you all updated.  EDIT: Sending in my verification photos from home this Easter weekend, I was going to do it when shitman and I hung out but he decided breaking up would be a better use of an afternoon.