Puke, her fat fingers were toughing her eyeballs! to get those contacts out (if she was even telling the truth, which we know fatasses rarely do) so you lucked out. Fatasses don't have tears, they secrete ocular grease. This was in Indiana at a biker bar, so that probably has something to do with it... not to bring the Canadian/European flavour to this discussion too hard, but I think Americans are operating on a whole other crazy level of fat, so my experience is not as relatable to you, or the citizens of your (otherwise) beautiful nation.