deleted by user Okay so I've mentioned I have PTSD before, right? Like that's a thing. Anyway, that'll come into play. And not fucking tumblrina PTSD. I hate them. Fuckers. Anyway. I go to an actually pretty nice gym for a decent price and I live in Asia. There are many old Asian women who buy memberships to the gym just to hang out in the woman's locker room, which has a steam room, Jacuzzi and sauna, as well as showers and places to blowdry your hair/apply makeup. It's SUPER nice and I have started mainly only showering at the gym because it feels like pampering myself. Anyway. I recently had a huge PTSD trigger that basically derailed my life as I desperately avoided all mental health professionals out of total irrational fear that they would confirm my irrational fears. I've been much better since I finally made emergency appointments to see both of them and they told me my irrational fears were just irrational fears and that the thing and person that triggered me was an asshole. Hooray! Anyway, so I've been working on mindfulness lately. The old Asian women who hang out in the gym just for the locker room usually chat and talk and gossip in the hot tub thing. We all have our hair in shower caps and they call me the "Pretty foreigner whose Chinese is powerful" (just how it's translated) and it's a great time. But the sauna, golden rule I've learned, is that the sauna is for absolute silence only. You sit in that wood, you are silent, that is all.  So I've started trying to do mindfulness exercises in the sauna. I will lie down and close my eyes and try to meditate, walking myself through some emotional regulation and traumatic episodes and seeing where I feel them physically and then trying to just visualize, see and accept them without judgement. This has been extremely helpful for me, but I really do need complete silence to do it. I also have a really busy life, a boyfriend, three roommates, a very talkative cat, and a job that keeps me working all day. The sauna is my me time. And since it has its golden rule, it's like the perfect place to meditate. Well. Today there was a fatty Asian lady. Most of the Asian old women are shit ladies, slim, etc. Others are fat with protruding bellies and sort of still normal-sized legs which makes them look like terrible creatures from awful horror movies. This fat Asian lady was one of those creatures. I went into the sauna, laid down on my towel, closed my eyes and started to focus on my breathing and walk myself through my meditation. In comes fatty. Now. First offense. Fatty props open the door to the sauna (what the fuck?) with the doormat. Since I live in an Asian country it's really disrespectful to point out other people's rude behavior. But so now the sauna isn't even really warm, and there's this cool sort of chill that's distracting. Okay, whatever, I'm going to try to deal with it. Then it started making noises. Like grunting, is-she-having-sex-or-something-right-now noises. Closed my eyes. Tried to breathe. She starts slapping herself. This is a thing that Asian people do, they make their hands into loose fists and sort of slap at their muscles as a massage technique. slap slap slap slap slap. I've basically given up on my grounding exercise, knowing that I can't focus, which sucks because I kind of needed it today. So I'm just lying there listening to fatty slap slap slap slap slap.  THEN COMES THE BEST PART. She takes out a stone and starts scraping it against her body. She has a jade bracelet, which in Chinese culture once you put it on you can never take it off. She's scraping the stone down her arm, clinking it on her jade bracelet, then starting over. scraaaaaaaaaaaape clink. scraaaaaaaaaaaaape clink.  I left. I couldn't do it. I passive aggressively unpropped the door on my way out, letting it close all the way. Showered, tried to do the grounding in the hot tub but was spoken to by the very nice asian shitladies who have come to know me as pretty-foreigner-whose-chinese-is-powerful. Fatty exits sauna and I see it in its full, horrible, train-wreck glory. I swear it was 50 inches around. Its stomach hung past its vagina, terminating somewhere near where its upper thighs might have been. The stick legs. THE STICK LEGS.  Later as I was drying my hair and pampering myself by putting on face lotion (ooooooh Asian beauty products) Fatty comes in completely naked and sits down, not even putting the towel down between her and the little cushion seat. I nearly retched.  Anyway I managed to take a pretty bad clothed picture of it  because I couldn't get my phone out in time to get it while it was still naked. This photo does NO justice. It was a beast, and those shorts must be slimming or something, holding in all that stomach, and it's turned away or something. You must trust me.  It was horrifying. And I didn't get to meditate. I fucking hate fat people.