Fat cow loses breakfast in my yoga class. Date: A recent Sunday, Time:  10 AM, Location: Washington DC CPY, Setting: Sculpt 75 min. Me walking in super pumped and dressed super well for my weekly Sunday morning baptism by iron, heat, and yoga.  Saw a sight unseemly at the check-in desk---three small fats, dressed in nice expensive attire prob. Never before been used.  College girls.  Typical whiney, nasally voices.  Local girls.  Think This I hear said "We REALLY recommend you take at least two of our regular power classes without weights so you will know what’s going on with the routine.”  Translation:  'Small fats…you need to take several weeks of classes and adjust to heat before you do this.'  Whiny, nasally response “We take yoga at school.  We know the routine, blah blah blah.” Methinks Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!  Inside it’s a normal temperature of 90 degrees, not super hot.  I grab my 10, 8 and 5 lb weights.  I take my normal spot in room.  Uh oh.  A problem.  Not enough space for the three small fats to be next to each other.  One of them will have to leave its safe protected space next to its fat friends.  One of them moves next to me!  “Hi I’m Courtney!”  “Hello Courtney."  "What size weights should I get I’m new at this?"  “Whatever you think you can handle.”  We are same height but fats is at least 40 lbs heavier of oink oink butter and no tone anywhere and she comes back with 3, 5, and 8.   As if she will actually use an 8lb weight for anything. Teacher comes in.  It’s the drill sergeant lady.  Her assistant is already in the room.  Fabulously gay fit Brian.  Teacher whispers to Brian and he comes by to speak to fat Courtney.  “They told you about our policy I heard.  We recommend you take a regular power class first.”  Her fat face looks put out at fabulous Brian.  “I know the poses.  I can take breaks.”  10 minutes later…“Squeeze that core at the end of the exhale."   Sun salutation warm-up section without weights.  Courtney can’t touch her heels to the floor but her worse problem is she cheats on the warrior poses.  Does not go parallel to floor.  She’s sweating and breathing hard.  Also, her plank sucks.  Also, she can’t Chaturanga for shit.   Her fat cow stomach is covered with her $99 top.  I’m assuming she’s not squeezing her fat cow stomach at the end of her exhales.   I am.  Every time I squeeze.  Abs are hot. 20 minutes later…“Don’t cheat!  Keep those arms straight.  Get into the groove!”  Arm circles with the lightest weights.  1 minute forwards and then 1 minute backwards.  Warmup stuff.  My 5lb dumb-bells begin to burn toward 50 seconds.  Then we reverse.  Ahhh.  Backwards is easier.  Fat Courtney has dropped her 3lb weights.  Fat little cheater.  Weak girl.  Breathing through her mouth in short breaths.  I gird myself.  ‘Let that little piggy hear how a real human breathes through stress.’ 10 minutes later… “pulse, punch, pulse, punch, remember to rotate fully!”  Punching hard with my 5 lb weights, in a plié squat position.  Keeping legs bent parallel.  Rotating and punching hard.  Fat Courtney has weak punches.  ‘No offense but you punch like a child.  A fat child.  Is it evil I want to punch your fat cow face?’  Brian appears.  Adjusts Courtney with his hands.  “Engage your abs when you rotate and punch.  Tighten it up here.”  I assume gay Brian just palmed Courtney’s fat cow stomach, something he definitely could not do if he were not gay Brian. Brian leaves and Courtney takes another child’s pose. 10 minutes later.  “Squeeze your asses so tight they shake!”  Oh yeah.  Chair pose for two minutes with 10 lb hand weights in each hand reaching up to the sky above me.  Do I squeeze my ass tight?  Hell yes.  It burns.  It shakes.  It really shakes.  I love my ass though.  I live for this shit.  “C’mon thighs parallel.”  OMG this is so hard.   I want to kill the teacher.  And Fat Courtney…her fat ass does nothing.  She is not anywhere close to the right form for this pose.  I gird myself.  I go parallel and squeeze super hard for the last 20 seconds.   Deep, deep, breaths and then I come out of it. I glare at Fat Courtney’s soft, cottage cheese ass.  The sweat that has enveloped her body has revealed all the spots and flaws on her ass.  The cellulite.  My evil bitch glare tells her everything I’m thinking. 5 minutes later.  “Squat deep and jump on 4.  1, 2, 3, jump!  To the beat.  1,2,3, jump!”  Squat-jumping high with 10 lb weights in each hand against resting on my shoulder.  My ass is still shaking from earlier chair pose hell session.  I jump way higher than fat Courtney who is not keeping up and using only 5 lb weights.  She still has not picked up the 8 lb ones she got from the rack.  Teacher comes over.  “Come on you can do it.  Put the weights down.  Deep squats and powerful jumps.  This is why God gave you an ass.  Use it!  Jump higher.”  Wow.  Teacher is singling the fat little piglet out.  Calling her out on her cheating through all of class.  Finally punishing her. Tells the class “Two more minutes…halfway done!  Lets go.”  She’s watching Courtney’s form.  Making her do it right.  Courtney can’t cheat.  Teacher says “C’mon you’ve got this!”  Except Courtney does not have it.  She’s losing it.  Literally Courtney is about to lose her breakfast.  30 seconds later, out of the bowels of her fat cow gut, breakfast has begun its ascent.  30 seconds later the piglet is green and she stumbles for the exit.  She opens the door but does not make it.  Pukes.  Pukes on the hallway floor.  We all hear it.  Her fat friends who I’ve not seen or paid attention to until this point run out after her.  To comfort her.  Aw.  So sweet.  Fat girls sticking together and cleaning up each other’s puke. Back in the torture dungeon the real humans, the strong ones, have not quit.  We must go on.  “Chaturanga now. Lower 1,2,3,4, hold it.  Hold it. Pushup!”  I’m thinking about tank top weather. That’s my motivation to chaturanga today.  Summer is so close.  “We’re doing as many as we can today.  Work it till failure.”  Ugh.  I’m exhausted. I can do more though.  I think of tank top arms, toned arms to scare fat girls like Courtney.  She will never return here.  Not after today. With any luck though I’ll see her around town.  I hope I’m wearing a tank top then.