Whale Tales. Episode 4: Lego you Pedo I didn’t think much would happen when I invited my nephew on a trip to Costco for some Lego but I was dead wrong. We had arrived early in the morning to take advantage of the Lego sale that was posted online. With the excitement only a child can have, Trent rushed to put on his Batman shoes so we would get there faster. Upon arriving we slowly snaked around the labyrinth searching for the Lego set. It was then we came upon the creature, this was no type of human I had ever seen. Wearing a shirt several sizes to small that said "Fart now loading" and colored yellow sunglasses I approached slowly. My nephew noticing one remaining Lego set ran towards the creature before it could take another. Alas it was too late, the creature snorted "you snooze you loose kid" and let out a wheezy laugh, similar to the air escaping a garbage bag. As I caught up a few moments later my nephew was pleading with the woman to release one of the Lego sets. "Miss you already have like 30 sets, it's not fair" Trent said trying to catch his breath.  The woman raised her thick eyebrows "First off I'm a man so get your eyes checked you skinny little runt, and second off I'm going to sell every one of these on Kijiji". "Can he do that" Trent paused looking at me. The odor coming off this creature was beginning to make my eyes water "Listen man, I promised I'd buy him something for his birthday can't you just let him have one" I replied. The creature dipped his finger into the small BBQ sauce sample cup, he licked the sauce off his finger and wiped his shirt. "No, I don't owe you anything, and if you keep harassing me I'll have you kicked out" he said in a high pitched voice. It was just at this time that a young woman and her daughter arrived "mom that man has them all!". "another loser, I don't have time for this" giggled the creature as he slunk away. The little girls eyes began to water "Penny don't cry, we'll find something else" whispered the young woman.  It was at this point the rage began to overtake me and I came up with a plan and I pulled my nephew aside, "Trent you know that fat piece of poo has ruined our day and made that little girl cry, I want you to do me a favor and you don't have to do it if you don't want to.  I want you to follow this guy and grab two Lego sets off his cart when he's not looking, don't get caught." Trent hesitated "you want me to steal it?".  "No, no, no" I replied "he never paid for that stuff so technically he doesn't even own it, so it's not stealing" Casually he replied "OK, I'll be batman and I'll save the day". He then proceeded to follow the creature who came to be called Penguin. As the Penguin was sampling more free food Trent seized his chance and grabbed two fire station Lego sets from the pile of 30. Would the Penguin even notice? Turns out he would. Eventually Batman was able to spot the little girl clear across the store and we met up with them once again. "I found a set for you little miss" Trent said while presenting her with the Lego set. The little girl shrieked with delight, the young woman smiling ear to ear saying quietly "see Sunny it all worked out". Sunny attempted to give Trent a half hearted hug but the Lego set got in the way and she could barely hold it she was so small. We both headed for the cash. It was at this moment we heard the commotion, "I know you took two of my sets you stupid bitch, I grabbed 30 and you put two aside for yourself, I want the FUCKING MANAGER RIGHT NOW!" screamed the Penguin showing his teeth like a rabid animal. "I'm going to make sure you're fired, there is no way you're getting away with this", the cashier who I could now see, barely 110lbs stood there shaking like a leaf waiting for the manager.  The manager arrived, but before he could say anything the Penguin had spotted Trent and Sunny. The landscape appeared to darken, as the creature blotted out several light sources. He walked over and ripped the Lego set from Sunny's arms, she fell to the ground after losing her balance attempting to hold on to her fire station. He approached Trent to do the same but an off duty police officer ran up and asked what the hell was going on and why he just assaulted an 8 year old little girl. The Penguin stumbled to explain how he was the victim of a grand conspiracy to steal his Kijiji Lego and how these two kids were destroying his business. The police officer had enough, he whipped out his cell phone "hey this is Smith, I'm over here at the Costco and witnessed a 240 send a couple guys over now". At this point the Penguin gave Smith his ID and began to grin, he was convinced a 240 meant theft and we would all be going to jail for taking his Lego. Unfortunately a 240 was the code for assault, and it didn't take long for the uniformed police officers to arrive. The Penguin was quickly placed under arrest and read his rights, a crack over the radio "confirm Mr. Penguin is a registered sex offender". You could cut the silence with a knife, things moved pretty quickly after that. The police officers gave their cards and the manager was told to expect a follow up for the security footage.  Once things had settled, the manager told Penny how brave she was for standing up to the creature and gave her the Lego set as a gift. Penny not skipping a beat asked if her friend could also have one and pointed at Trent, "of course" replied the manager. The manager then apologized again and asked Penny's mom to return later on to pick up a gift card. As we exited the store I stopped, "Trent you were very brave, promise me you'll never end up a fat disgusting person like the man the police arrested, you are not allowed to give up on yourself like that, do you understand?" I lowered myself down to his eye level. Trent replied "I'm going to be strong like batman and I hate fat people". A single tear came down my cheek, but I wiped it away before he noticed.