Pizza Planet My SO is a delivery driver for a pizza chain. He's also a shitlord, so when hilarious things happen involving fatties, he likes to call me during his breaks and tell me what went down. What happened the other day is probably the most hamplanet thing he's ever seen on the job. Obeast parks 10 feet away from the store. He waddles over, and as soon as he gets in, plops onto the bench they have by the counter. He's sweating and panting. Employees are worried he's going to die on them. He orders a large and a medium veggie pizza, then sits there and wait. In the 15 minutes it took for them to make the pizza, he ordered 4 20oz sodas. He didn't order them all at once. He asked an employee to walk to the soda fridge for him, which was 3 steps away from the bench, ring it up for him and then bring it back. A couple minutes would pass, and then he told the employee to do the whole process again...and again...until he had 4 sodas. I just couldn't believe the lack of impulse control. How can you not be absolutely humiliated?? After the pizza was done, he asked someone to help carry the one box to his car. My poor SO was ordered to do it, and along the way the Obeast kept bitching about how badly his feet hurt and how the parking spots were too far away. As soon as the Obeast got into his Camry, rocking the whole car, my SO went back into the store with his coworkers to talk about what just happened. Also a note for any fatties reading this - the pizza workers know when you're lying about buying it for a party. They know when you place ridiculous giant orders, that you're going to just stuff it all in your face. Sometimes they've seen you doing it in the parking lot. Also know that the employees wish they could cut you off, like a bartender does with alcoholics.  EDIT: update pizza quantity. also: It was still sitting in the parking lot eating when we went over to inspect the bench for damage; as a previous encounter with whalekind had required welding repairs.