I figured out when my hate began, or The Buffet King and the Child. Hey good shitizens of the world! I don't know why, but this story just came back to me, about the first time I ever encountered a true gorgebeast irl.  I was around 9 years' old at the time, and my family has a tradition of always taking each child to Disney World and Universal Studios in Florida when it will still be 'magical', but you'll remember it and be able to do the more fun stuff together. Weirdly, this story isn't about not-so-Minnie visitors to the parks (I have some, maybe I'll write some more if there's interest), but about an experience we had at breakfast. My dad used to work at a big consulting firm, travelling all over the place and staying in fancy hotels, so as a result he'd built up a lot of air miles and hotel points. As a result, we were lucky enough to be staying at the Courtyard by Marriott, a really nice hotel. My brother was really young at that point, and seeing as we used to live in the US, we decided one day to go down to the Golden Corral for breakfast (I know...). We arrived, paid our 9 dollars per adult and sat at a small booth.  Now one of the really cool things about this place was that they used to fry their own omelettes, with anything you wanted in them. My mum is really into her health, and she brought us up to appreciate fruit and veg and so on, so we were pretty stoked that they had pretty much every vegetable you could imagine. Also, there were enormous amounts left, probably due to the fact that the average customer doesn't look much beyond the 4 types of cheese and obligatory 5 meats that they would order, or the multiplicity of other sweet and calorie-dense breakfast foods (no food shaming, eat whatever the shit you like so long as you don't become a pork beast). Anyway, after a really pleasant breakfast on the first day we went there, we decided to go back for another. I really wanted to try some of the other food, so my mum, begrudgingly, allowed me to go and take one danish (which, by the way, was easily the size of my 9-year-old face) to share with my brother and her). This was pretty exciting, as we weren't normally allowed cake for breakfast. So, I grabbed a plate and began walking towards the pastries.  Then, out of fucking nowhere or maybe everywhereteehee and at great speed, came what seemed to my 9-year-old mind to be an impossibly large butterhuffer. The Buffet King, in defense of his realm, butterbarged directly into me, sending me flying into the counter, the plate in my hand smashing into pieces (I still have scars in my hands from the cuts). Totally ignoring the child that he had just managed to maim, the Emperor of Eating claimed his prize by emptying the entire tray of 12 Danishes onto his plate.  I can't have been more than 2 metres away from then when it hit me, so it must have known I was going for them. One of the (human) waitresses came over and helped me out, made sure I was okay (I wasn't, but having a pretty girl pay 9-year-old me any attention was a sure-fire way to make me pretend like I was Clint Eastwood), and took me over to my parents.  We were given free breakfast for the rest of our stay in Florida, and I don't blame the restaurant one bit, but that hambeast instilled in me (and my mother, who is like a goddamned tigress with her kids) a deep loathing of fats. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is why I decided to start strength training later in life, so that I could withstand some of the overwhelming force (immovable object?) that I experienced that day. The worst thing was, though, that we didn't even get a Danish, because those were the last ones for the next 30 minutes, and we wanted to go and do things instead of sitting in the restaurant all day. TL;DR: King of the Buffet successfully ran down a child to claim 12 Danishes for himself, totally ignoring the injury it caused and ruining the one time I was allowed cake at breakfast. I fucking hate fats. Edit: Changed the name of the hotel to correct my poor understanding of Marriot branding vs. places the hotels are. Edit 2: Also changed Disneyland to Disney World.