Butterhuffers on the dance floor So I'm a bar musician. I play in a cover band at various bars in my area, and we cover mostly classic rock; this means the demographic we play to is largely 40-60ish. Most of them are fat, because, well, most of the population in my city is fat. I have seen lots of disgusting, weird things happen when fatties take to the dance floor. Things like a smallfat showing off his "skills" by executing backflips/back handsprings with poor form, or whale wymyn giving each other pseudo-stripteases while "shimmying" side to side (with their rolls continuing to undulate long after they've stopped their "dancing"). But what I just saw tonight takes the cake(teehee), honestly. We start up Saw Her Standing There, and these two smallfats waddle up with a deathfat in tow. They try to dance a little bit, but their itty bitty heels are no match for their weight, and they can't move easily across the floor. The deathfat is having a particularly difficult time, but one of the smallfats chose to wear stilettos, and she's not doing much better. So one of them pulls out a bottle of fucking baby powder and dumps it all over the floor. But it's not just baby powder, it's scented baby powder. I don't know what the hell it was scented with, but it's strong enough the the guitarist and I start gagging and backing away from the front of the stage. The lardbuckets grind the powder into the floor beneath their hooves, kicking up clouds of the stuff as they twist around in what I'm sure they think is an alluring manner, but mostly just adds to the gag factor. We manage to finish the song without dying somehow, and have to call for the bartender to come clean it up.  I want to say this deterred the whales from approaching the stage again, but during our second set, we play our contemporary dance medley - it's bits and pieces of a bunch of modern pop songs that we find hits the sweet spot between a bit of fun and too much pandering - and the whole pod makes their way slowly back to the floor. When they finally get there about halfway through, they mime a bunch of stupid movements to complain about how "sticky" the floor is now. My only condolence through the ordeal was when we started singing a snippet of All About That Bass. At first they were ecstatic, because the other female singer is a ham herself and she sings lead on it. But when I jumped in with the harmony and copied a bunch of the dance moves - looking way better than the fats in the music video, of course - they shot daggers our of their little piggy eyes for the rest of the time they stayed at the bar. Tl;dr: fats try to kill half the band with tainted baby powder cloud because their hooves get stuck on the dance floor, get triggered by athletic 20-something singing their anthem