Deceiving a Fatty I always enjoy the long con. While it's gruesome, disgusting and really, really annoying, it's greatly satisfying in the long term. But here's some background first - I'm still in school in the Midwest, and there are more fatties than humans. You really can't avoid them, and I have a reputation to uphold. So what do I do? I tear them down one by one.  So this is about the most recent ham that I fooled, lets call him Hamtard. Hamtard has a stutter, seems socially inept, and looks like a caveman fucked a bucket of lard. The best part is, he is (or at least he was) completely clueless as to the fact that he was a Hamplanet. So I share 1 class with Hamtard (1 too many), and I become friends with him. To the point where he proclaims me as his best friend and I try my best not to vomit. I managed to make it through a few months of this fat fuck badgering me about any thought that crosses his mind, and I finally destroyed him today. And it's always too easy, but Hamtard was an easier target than most.  He was being particularly annoying today, asking to see pictures on my phone, what I thought of consoles, and he basically seems infatuated with me. He makes a comment about how he thinks I'm a really good person (I wish I was lying, that the farthest from the truth he could get), so I ask if he wants to see one of my favorite sites to browse. He says yes, and I turn my laptop around to show him this exact subverse. I scrolled through the posts, showing him my favorites and voicing my inner commentary on the planets, pointing out their fupas, no-necks, and even found a picture of an infection that had sprouted underneath a fold. I see him getting more uncomfortable, trying to laugh like he finds it funny too. This goes on for a few minutes, and I am making up for the last couple months of baiting.  Only about 5 minutes in, this is where he starts to avoid looking at the site, trying to change the topic. I stop, ask him if he's uncomfortable (as I watch him squirm in his chair, foul odor wafting out). He says no, trying to salvage a friendship that was never there. So I continue. I point out the fat families, rant about how letting pets become fat should count as animal abuse, and then I get to my favorite part. I look around, and tell him that with the exception of about 6 people, everyone in the room would count as overweight or obese. He guesses five of them, but he assumes that he's included as someone at a healthy weight, the deluded fuck.  He changes the subject again, and I let him ramble while I plan my next move. I stop him mid-sentence, and show him what the threshold for overweight and obese is, and talk about how distorted everyone's view is when it comes to who's fat and who's not. He says that he considers himself to be pretty healthy, so this is where I go in for the kill. I politely ask him what his height and weight is, enter it into the BMI calculator, and show him his BMI of about 34.4. Of course, that's when I chose to pack up and leave. If I had time to stay and chat, I probably could have gotten him to start bawling, that was how crushed he looked. Meanwhile, my day has been made, and I'm looking forward to seeing how he avoids me tomorrow.  TLDR; I befriend Hamtard only to show him how fucking fat he is, dealing a personal blow to him and hopefully getting another fatty to leave me be.