The Beetus Drink to End All Beetus Drinks Hello shitlords and shitladies!  A quick story from work, staring yours truly, and a caloric-car-accident of a beverage.  And, of course, a foul ham.  So yesterday, I was behind the bar for a little bit at work. Now, I'm normally not behind the bar, but I was pouring beers and taking a few orders. It was a pretty slow night, so I chatted with the customers and was generally having a pretty decent time.  However, per usual, a ham ruined that.  It looked like this: take a short tree trunk, have it enroll in college where it develops functional alcoholism, marry it to a dude who manages a Lenscrafters in a mall. Alright, then have the Lenscrafters guy leave, and stick the tree trunk with their two daughters, who are both young, have it claim, "It takes a village teeeeeeeheeeeeee!" and give it an unbridled enthusiasm for "Pink Lemonade Margaritas." It stalks up to the bar and asks, "Were you the one who made this?"  "Made what?" I ask. I have only been on my shift for a little while, so all my original customers were still eating. I'd never seen this ham before. From behind her mass, she produces a 16 oz. glass, whose annoyingly pink color I can only summarize is the ghastly Pink Lemonade Margarita. These things have over 250 calories PER GLASS (Author's note: we fill the glasses halfway up with ice, so the 8 remaining ounces have 250 calories AT LEAST). "Oh, no, that must've been {bartender who just left}."  "It isn't sweet enough! Re do it!"  Well, fuck you too, Hammy Tammy. This cunt curmudgeon doesn't even say please. Alright, I say, and I reach across to take the glass from her, because, from my last post (as well as from COMMON FUCKING KNOWLEDGE) hams will do basically anything for free food. This bitch isn't going to get to keep both.  Now, I'm pissed at this point. So, I take a new glass and start with the drink's base, which normally contains two pumps of watermelon syrup, and one pump of raspberry. To make it suit this beast's needs, I put in six pumps of watermelon, and four pumps of raspberry. This is more than 600 calories of SYRUP alone. Any sane person would take a swig of this and spit it right back out. It smells noxious. And, because of the added base, I can't fit the normal amount of liquor.  This nasty-ass ham got a watered down, pancreas-pillaging beetus drink.  I gave it back, waited for her tantrum to really begin once she tasted that monstrosity (I spotted my manager, who was overseeing the situation and would make her leave if she got too loud). However, she took a drink and smiled, showing a hoard of yellow teeth,  "Perfect." And she waddled away. Hams are such foul creatures