Fatty Needs a Scooter I've been lurking for a long time but never created an account here until now.  I had to share this story and the dumb ass planet that needs to have a visit from the SMOD.  Maybe that'll be me next time... First a bit about me.  I'm not a small guy - 6'2 and probably just over 205 right now.  Not before anyone freaks out, as my username might suggest, I play RB (and some LB) on my high school football team.  About two months ago, I fell back to pass block and one of the OL accidentally rolled up onto by leg and and I felt that pop.  ACL tear.  I'm done for the year (not that I expect to play beyond high school...).  I've gone through surgery (because I like being an athlete) and I'm on crutches while my personal torturer physical therapist gets me back into shape. So yesterday I decide that I want to cook something for my girlfriend and we go to the store (a local chain that ends in "-er" because you know fatties will be going to the ER far too much) to get some ground beef (she's a swimmer so she eats as much protein as I do).  I guess you all know where this is going - I need the damn scooter.  Usually I don't need one because, well, my mom is a good cook and does the grocery shopping.  But to impress my girl, I want to cook for her.  I've read enough here to know that I don't want any part of myself touching that seat without a wetwipe on it first, so I go swinging over to grab one while she waits by the scooter. As I come swinging back, I see it coming.  Or maybe I felt the gravity first.  I'm a human, so I pick up the pace and get to it in plenty of time.  So as I'm wiping this thing down (it probably didn't have a clue of what I was doing), it goes huffing and puffing that she needs it.  One more thing I forgot to mention, I'm a smartass.  So I turn my head and shrug, "Guess you're just wait here for another to get back, huh?" and I proceed to go to sit down.  This THING proceeds to grab for one of my crutches to stop me.  I'm halfway to getting onto the BeetusBus with all my weight on this when it comes out from under me, so I go over the damn thing and fall down the otherside.  I'm pissed as I hop back up.  My girlfriend...  She goes OFF on this bitch.  I mean full on, everyone is stopping on their way into the store to see her dressing down this planet.  Full on, in her face, yelling at her.  I guess at some point between me trying to get back and settled on my crutches, someone called the manager over.  Allright, you might think - they're square this away. Damn if she isn't working on being a fucking star.  She's EASILY twice what this thing is.  AND SHE'S WALKING TOWARD US WHILE LEANING ON A SHOPPING CART BECAUSE SHE'S SO FUCKING FAT.  My girlfriend says what I was thinking - we've already lost this argument.  Fattie #1 starts complaining about how I am taking this BeetusBarge even though I already have a way to get around - I say back that the bitch has legs.  Its not my fault she doesn't use them. I won't keep on with all the details, but the manager agrees with its ButterWhore Sister that she deserves the scooter more than me.  My girl decides that we should leave and fuck it, I don't want to give any dollars to a store that might give a bonus this manager.  We go to Whole Foods and get some bison anyway.  And what did I notice about Whole Foods?  NO SCOOTERS.